#ugh. what a pain in my ass. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dog-girl-zezora · 10 months

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#personal #already missing every single person i love rn #siiiigh...#i wanna be here i wanna stay here i wanna be alive and well.#i want hot showers #...#...i eat too damn well first of all. i dont know how to have a work gym hobby balance...#i.......#miss everyone already.#not gonna cry yet but. i probably will. several times #ugh. what a pain in my ass.#i know its because im not fully on my medications right now.#... i just dont like missing the current moments in the moment.#anyways #i get through it and ill be back sooner than ever #... im uneasy to be home for so long.#... i didn't think about it till now #but. ...#... i want to get out already

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oysters-aint-for-me · 2 months

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it is so hard for me to watch hacks bc ava reminds me too much of myself except im even more of a loser than she is and it just makes me feel bad about myself blaaaah

#hard to explain this to ppl who really want me to watch it #like i want to relate to ava and i DO relate to ava #but then i’m like ‘but she is actually a comedian and has actually done the work and is DOIGN the work even if it’s not what she wants’#me i just sit on my ass all day not making any strides towards being a comedian #it’s ok if ava is a loser bc she is actually talented you #know what i mean?#whereas i’m just a loser #i am making my way through it’s just painful #ugh sorry. bad self esteem day

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scarlettcryptid · 12 days

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i feel so silly being anxious about my ENT appointment at 930 🥴

#it's a new place new doctor so obvs im stressed #but the dr being a man 🥴🥴 it was a referral so i can't choose 🥴🥴#i think i feel especially stressed bc i have 3 issues i need to talk about and im worried he's gonna get annoyed / brush them off #i've seen an ENT about 1 of these issues back in 2012 and welp my dumb ass didn't bully my parents into letting me get the surgery so #i've been struggling w this shit all this time also i meant 2013 🧍🏽‍♀️#the other issues are my jaw popping painfully ever since july +#what the hell was the other one #fuck this is why i spent 2 hours writing shit down my memory is so SHIT #throat pain #really bad throat pain that hasn't fucked off since july 2023 #it hurts to talk n i haven't been able to sing since last summer. what if i just [rembers no say the thing because Bad] Shit myself #that one appointment in june when i couldn't see my usual doctor and i had to see this other lady this mfer said wELL i dUnNo It'S nOt LiKe #i CAn diAgnOsE yOu wITh a cHronIc SorE ThRoaT hEh #annoying ass doctor no wonder my usual doctor is always booked #pls universe pls let this doctor b a decent person who actually tries 2 help mee #🥴🥴🥴🥴#221am goodbye #scarlett.txt #negative /#WHINYYYYYYY #god i always worry i sound like a paranoid hypochondriac at the doctor's but my body really is like this Please #ugh i still have at least 3 more appointments at 3 new places this year #eye and dermatologist in dec and the other thing once i get off my ass and send in that packet #at least i don't have my monthly follow up w my pcp anymore..#unrelated but i need to buy some new masks in black #and a cardigan #okay that really had nothijgnto do with anything stfu scarlett

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bonesandpoemsandflowers · 2 months

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there's a good post going around that's like "what are your visual cues for evil?" and it's meant to get you to examine the bigotry baked into art and society around you and some people are doing a good job of pointing out racist etc tropes in villains, generally. which is a good thought exercise. but specifically UNRELATABLE. as a writer, literally 100% of my villains are blue eyed tall white men. literally ALL of them. only about half of them are also meant to be theoretically fuckable.

#“what have the blue eyed white men done to you?” absolutely nothing one way or the other #besides the crime of not being lestat de lioncourt (the one blonde blue eyed man allowed in the kingdom)#but like I don't even have a specific motivating grudge #never been rejected or anything by one either because that would require desire on my part #just each time i have to sit down to be like hmmm. antagonist. who would be a real pain in the ass to deal with.#my brain is like: a tall white man with blue eyes who is either literally a cop or essentially a cop (enforcer of some kind)#I assume it's that the combination is considered so socially desirable that my indie snob ass is just like ugh. gross.#what do we dislike? AUTHORITY! and also conformity of desire.

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itstimeforstarwars · 7 months

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I'm getting to a point in writing where I want to write more about my ocs than about the canon characters but at the same time it feels like going to middle school art club and being like "this is trilly, they're nonbinary and homeless in the fantasy 1940s and they're traveling with their partner whose name is Starlight and she was an orphan saved by one background character from one book and they're traveling to find Trilly's uncle and cousin who went missing in the war and I think they're really cool so please care about them!"

#chit chat #obviously trilly is not a character for this fandom but i do often feel the same way about like. elmga. or neeli.#or bones lmao #everyone shut the fuck up about obi wan im gonna tell you about this miracle clone medic with lots of anxiety #ughhhh #writing about your ocs is cool and awesome and not embarrassing but alsoooo i was on ffnet in 2013 #when having an oc that was even just a girl was prime mary sue flame bait #that didn't stop me from doing it but even after a decade im still waiting for people to be like 'stop talking about ur cringe ass ocs #and get back to the actual story'#ugh ugh ugh #it's so embarrassing to be a writer y'all #im out here every fuckin day baring my soul through the lens of fantasy just for fun #saying things like 'i wish that when i was in pain it mattered to others'#or 'the enormity of choices overwhelms me so i am going to write this story over and over again and maybe it will be different this time'#but it will not #they have beem dead since the beginning #but we sing it anyway #and i say this all mostly by putting obi wan in Situations but sometimes i wanna talk about my ocs too #what if there was an awesome doctor. and they cared about what was wrong with you.#isn't that a nice fantasy? it's one of my favorites.

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nabsthevulture · 8 months

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quick someone give me 2k no time for questions

#ugh #i have like at least 1k of parts and work we have to do to the van #like parts for the passenger sliding door #just getting it cleaned is going to be like $500 i bet #unless i pay the neighbors kid to do it like he offered #maybe i'll ask him what he would charge me #sigh #then theres other little things that all add up #im just tired and i don't have any money #im going to be selling more of my personal collection here soon #and then hopefully i can just get my ass up and dump buckets #but its wet and im depressed and in pain and i still feel nausea constantly #i have some basic maintenance stuff i have to do as well #and then if i replace the filter with an actual quality filter itll be like 75 dollars #but that one i can clean repeatedly #instead of dumping 20 bucks on a cheaper filter every three months #i can buy the k&n filter and just clean it every 3 months instead #yeah you gotta buy the oil spray but thats not expensive and it lasts quite a while #so we'll see how i feel tomorrow #i have to go to AS to clean my wheells #and then i have to call the stupid ass insurance people and demand an update #i only work 2 or 3 days a week but i never feel like i have enough time for anything #dl

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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months

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#hello darkness my old friend. I have insomnia again #it seems i wont get back to sleep. making this the 4th night in a row of 4 to 5hrs sleep. woof #is it insomnia or am i on the bleeding edge of hyp0mania? idk its weird. i can feel the strain in my head #my thoughts dont connect as well. its like im being pulled in two directions. my brain becoming spaghettified. growing thin around the #middle. but im not as tired as one might expect. ive been pretty productive and optimistic but anxiety and internal restlessness are up #like im tired but also i need to get up and pace around. maybe jump up and down. maybe run in circles.#the energy comes in waves. sitting in lectures or sitting for the extended addition of l0tr has been somewhat unbearable #bc im so contained. i would not ever get up and walk around while those things were happening but i desperately wanted to #ugh. whats my problem? who's to say. could also b the medication. i see the psychiatrist next week and i think ill beg to b put back on #lam1ctal. just bc when i was taking it on a super low does i had a week or feeling the most normal i think i ever have in my life #anxiety and evil thoughts were so small and i felt happy in a way im not sure i ever have been #like i think under normal circumstances i just have a low capacity for joy. at most i feel neutral. like i was telling my friends how i #might do some field work in winter and they were enthusiastic abt it and i kno y bc it sounds cool but idk i just dont feel anything abt it #i cant see past the pain it will take to get there. and i mean mood wise i feel alright on 4bilify like in a nutral way but stable isnt #the same as feeling happy. but maybe its all just in my head. 25mg lam1ctal shouldnt b enough to b effective #but idk i think im just sensitive to the chemicals in my body. including hormone fluctuations. idk. i hope she lets me switch.#itll b a pain in the ass to readjust in terms of going off what im on now and it might not work #but theres literature on retrying lamicta1 and they say to avoid inflammatory reactions in the first 2 months. which i did not do. oops #not that i was trying. i didnt think abt it until id had a million holes poked in my skin and was experiencing a mild tatt00 allergy #ugh. anyway. tbh id prefer this being hyp0mania vs insomnia bc then at least i can continue to function a bit during the day #ive never done anything that wild while hyp0manic aside from injure myself from over exercising and make bad choices in how i spend time #ie become insane abt something and not b able to think abt anything else. ugh. and i guess at this point ive tentatively accepted the idea #of being bip0lar. so i swear to christ if i was misdiagnosed ill b so mad. its just that if i fill out an 4dhd and bip0lar checklist. i #get a way heavy positive with bip0lar and the 4dhd is meh. so i think i just have overlap in symptoms due to dyslex1a and 4utism #ugh. me and my collection of diagnoses. so it goes #unrelated

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steddie-island · 11 months

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I have two things I have to do today. 1) call my surgeon for my 2 week post-op followup 2) therapy this afternoon.

I want to write, but I feel like I should call my surgeon first to rip off the bandaid? But on the other hand, I'm pretty sure doing that is going to ruin my goddamn day lol.

So anyway I think I'm gonna write instead and call at like 4 instead so I at least have a few good hours, then I can have an hour to de-compress before therapy just to get myself worked up again.

#CW Surgery mention #There has been so much trauma around my fucking surgery #Like so fucking much lol #And I have Other Stuff I need to discuss with my therapist but this is going to be the Main Topic of convo for probably the next 4 weeks #And I still want to kick my surgeon's ass tbh #Like I'm still really in my feelings about everything even though I'm in a lot less pain in week 2 than I was in week 1 #But ugh #ALSO ALSO they cut my fucking stomach open and the 2 week followup is a fucking /phone call/ in what universe does that make sense??#I think my only in-person follow-up is going to be at 6 weeks post-op

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no27-autonation-honda · 1 year

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I actually really fucking hate how anything in my schedule not going the way I initially Intended For It To just automatically makes me a massive fucking crybaby and or a raging bitch. Like dude. The grocery store does not hate me. It sucks that my schedule requires me to get there an hour earlier no matter what but like. They didn’t do that to me. Why am I always so upset whenever I have to change plans. I change plans too! I’m a living person!!! Why am I so fucking upset about this!!!!!!

#personal #im gonna delete this later I’m just venting #I’m also fine I’m just having a rough day and I can’t figure out why my emotions have been so fucking volatile. It’s so frustrating that #I can’t figure out how to get a handle on my emotions. I know I need to feel things but the problem is if I let myself feel them too much #Then I’m going to spiral or lash out at some random bystander and both of these make the initial feeling worse #I just can’t pull myself out of that quickly enough recently. It’s not an issue of ability bc I can. I just can’t do it.#wait that’s contradictory. I’ve been really struggling too recently. There we go. There’s accuracy.#Either way. Didn’t I spend all year in therapy last year trying to get this shit together? What the fuck.#Why is it the second I show a modicum of progress I immediately hit a single pebble on the road and get sent ass over teakettle #Progress isn’t linear but it also sure as hell isn’t meant to be a time loop. That I’m pretty sure of.#God everything’s just been so difficult this year. Shit that used to be almost instinctual to me now is a nightmare.#Maybe it’s growing pains and I guess that’s valid but how long do I have to have them #The good news is that thus far I have not snapped at anyone so at least right now we don’t have any casualties of my bad attitude #I feel so bad being so worried about that but like seriously no one needs me to be snapping at them. Even if I feel catharsis in the moment #We all feel bad immediately afterwards #It’s literally not even been a bad day today. I cannot emphasize how this has been the only problem today. Literally so much good happened #Ugh #dont look at me

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heirloommtomatoes · 2 years

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my hormonal acne is coming back after going off the birth control pill :|

#ugghghhhhhh.#so sick of it.#it's in weird places too like my cheeks and forehead which has never happened before #it's not so bad but i feel like it's just gonna get worse #it just sucks man #like is this gonna be something i deal with my whole life now?#it's so limiting and humiliating #and all my other health issues are coming back too #the debilitatingly painful periods #having a weird ass cycle #fatigue #but ON the pill i'm insanely anxious and depressed as always #plus i just hate what it does to my body in general + increased stroke risk #and a billion other side effects lmao...#so i can't go back on it #even tho my skin looks great on it lmfao.#ugh.#it just suckssss mannnnnn #and i know it's whatever but i'm seeing my partner in 2 weeks and i just don't wanna have to worry about feeling self conscious :/#and i DO #and my teeth are moving but i can't afford a retainer or anything so i just feel so ugly sometimes :( balugh.#and i feel silly for even being upset about any of this #they'll heal ig #i just hope it's not a repeat of how my health was during the summer of 2020-2022 man...but it will be <3 #bc last time i got off the pill was 2019 <3 and then my health deteriorated 2020 - 2022 <3 so <3 #guhguhgughaldghbalgughhhhhhhhhhhUGHH #ellie yodels

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windupaidoneus · 2 months

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feeling very distressed rn so im probably not good company or conversation partner bt also i feel so much worse about things that are normally fine & ok &. ugh. hildemet save me

#its so hard to trust it is so so hard to trust & i dont feel very capable of it right now. this sucks so bad.#i know its because i need sleep i need to sleep soon. but fuck man #i try hard to be tolerable. but it does constantly feel like all eyes are glued to me waiting for me to make one singular mistake #note that when i say 'constantly' i am also not in a state where i can think of or remember how it feels when i am not distressed #so this may be inaccurate. i am just expressing how i feel currently. & see it sucks i feel the need to elaborate so much. ugh #even a more genuine expression of distress feels so performative bc i overexplain everything to avoid misunderstandings. man. man..#i just need to type it out. & well i need reassurance but when do i not. imagine being not metnally ill what a pain in my ass!!!

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tiredinwinter · 2 months

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I felt so stupid at work today 😂

#i had to ask abkut so many things and always got the response lf SHouLdN't YoU kNoW ThAt #and then I didnt hear what my colleague tried to tell me from our lil balcony and I had to ask 3+ times if he could repeat himself #and I STILL DIDN'T GET IT #while two other colleagues got it amd nust did it and i just stood there SO CONFUSED ABOUT ALL OF IT #ugh #eother way #i apologised to him later and he just laughed at me and told me its alright #but my god he looked so frustrated at the time 😂😂😂#either way I think I was a delight to work with because I always bring the good mood amd some jokes #but I think i was a pain in the ass at the same time today lol 😂#work thoughts

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illogicalghost · 2 months

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hm i think my anxiety may be getting worse. i should probably do something about that. or i could keep ignoring it 🤪

#personal #IDK at least it's not as bad as middle school but damn. its like . okau #i have a phobia of tornadoes. it used to be a lot worse but ive gotten better. but like.#lately i keep thinking im hearing tornado sirens going off? a lot? like when im taking a shower and yknow theres a lot of noise #like the fan and the water and my neighbors. for some reason my brain is seriously like omfg what if that's the siren?!!?!?!!?!#like CHILL the FUCK out bro holy god. and the only way i can calm myself down is making it quiet (so i can listen for the siren)#and/or check the weather for a tornado warning. its honestly getting out of hand lately. it happens sooo much #ugh. but i seriously dont want to have to see a therapist again. having to find someone i can build a rapport with and #tell my entire life story and all my trauma again.. only to have them QUIT like all my past therapists and start all over #and i dread having to try out new medications again. i take enough already and its just a pain in thr ass #especially if u get prescribed a controlled substance and have to jump thru all the hoops just to get it refilled every god damn time #UGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH FUCK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE #AND I CANT EVEN TAKE A SHOWER RN BECAUSE ITS THUNDERSTORMING

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