#i get through it and ill be back sooner than ever

[dog-girl-zezora]

.

[meiieiri]

𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫 [toji fushiguro]

synopsis: so she tells him not to cry over the injustice of a life cut too short for at the end of all this, she’ll only be a dream.

pairing: ex-husband!toji fushiguro x terminally ill wife!reader | song inspo: soon you’ll get better, cancer

warnings: heavy angst, terminal illness (primary bone cancer, stroke and MS), mentions of divorce/past infidelity, allegories to cheating, major character death. please read at your own risk. | a/n: this was so heavy for me to write, i started writing at 2 in the morning, and it’s 6:34 now.

word count. 3k~

“Why can’t you do anything right?”

Toji should have noticed, he laments as he takes a sip of his cognac. He should have sensed that something was wrong sooner, maybe that way, he wouldn’t be begging to borrow some more time to make things right. Your fingers were trembling that day — the first time you ever ruined his morning coffee — your hands shaking uncontrollably as you washed the mug with a sorrowful look on your face, your eyes glossy with the tears you were desperately trying to hold back.

He shouldn’t have been so harsh, he realizes that now. Breakfast had been burnt to a crisp and ruined, sure, but nothing could compare to how he constantly ruins the one beautiful thing that has ever happened to him, who haphazardly spilled her smoothie on him when they first bumped into each other in Shinjuku just after he finally cashed in enough money with Shiu to get his laundry done.

Toji, whose senses have now been honed to pick up on the slightest of your sluggish movements and your pained and suppressed hisses, hears the bedsheets rustling and he instantly gets up before you could even force yourself out of bed. “Hey, hey, easy now.” He catches you before you could fall backwards onto the mattress, your skin appears cold and clammy, your thinning muscles stiff as a board — you must be having one of your episodes again. “What do you need?” he asks, his voice heartbreakingly gentle for the first time in months.

“Water.”

Your husband nods, swinging his feet over the edge of the bed, hurriedly making his way to the dining table which was now kept in your bedroom so you aren’t forced to move around too much. The sound of water splashing into the glass fills the air and you feel another stabbing pain coarse through your joints.

Toji gingerly brings the glass of water to your lips and you sighed, an exasperated yet amused smile on your face. “I can do it, babe. Don’t worry.” Why did that sound like you were trying to convince not just Toji but yourself? You bring your bony hands to grip the glass and it takes everything out of your husband not to break into a fit of sobs when he sees your hand violently shaking with effort just to keep the glass steady.

His larger hands close around your defeated one. “I-I…I can do it, I did it yesterday. Y-you saw me.”

“Shhh, I know, it’s okay.”

You bite your lip to distract yourself from the anguish of realizing the truth behind the doctor’s words. Everything you feared was finally becoming your and Toji’s bleak reality.

“It’ll be a painful decline.”

Funny how you’re the one fighting to extend your life but Toji feels like he’s already gone ahead and passed on. Just a few minutes earlier, you were overjoyed to see him again. You didn’t think he’d see your text thinking that his new girlfriend must have asked him to block your number, and you most certainly didn’t expect him to arrive when you asked for him via a brief phone call to drive you to the hospital for your monthly checkup since he took the car with him when you separated. He made up a bullshit excuse when Yuko asked where he was going in such a hurry and he makes it to your old shared apartment to see you sitting on the driveway looking thinner and sicklier than ever — your eyes were sunken, and your cheeks were hollow.

Yet in spite of that, you gave him the brightest of smiles, waving shyly to him as he steps out of the driver’s seat. “Happy morning!” you smiled, greeting him with your signature good morning tagline which he used to happily wake up to everyday. There wasn’t a scintilla of resentfulness in your demeanor, and you genuinely looked so happy to see him for the first time since he moved out.

“How long?” Toji asked the doctor, his heart twisted into knots when he hears you happily humming in the MRI room as you put your clothes back on, oblivious to the solemn mood in the other room. You already knew what was going on, but you’ll just continue pretending that everything’s alright and that this is nothing more but a case of fatigue so as not to inconvenience Toji.

“A year, maybe even less.”

“And…you’re saying it’s best if she simply…doesn’t get the treatment?”

The doctor sighs heavily. She’s seen many cases like this before, but none as utterly hopeless as yours. Even if you did start the treatment, the lesions in your spinal cord have already entered the most severe stage, you were already exhibiting signs of autonomic nervous system distress — the tremors, the uncontrollable stuttering of your words, the growing loss of balance — and as if that wasn’t enough, the doctor also discovers that you were suffering from primary osteosarcoma.

There was no way to cure you now that it’s too late.

“I suggest we just focus on keeping her comfortable. The only thing left for us to do now is to bring her home. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re so fucking embarrassing. I can’t bring you anywhere.”

By some miracle, you and Toji went out one night around four months before the divorce proceedings. He went home that day, exhausted beyond all belief from another mission, but he was in a good mood. Yuko was out working late tonight, so, he decides to take you out to your and his favorite izakaya for some yakitori.

Some time during the night, after downing three full bottles of sake together, you excuse yourself to use the restroom. “I’ll be right back,” you told Toji, tipsily kissing him on the cheek as you hop off the bar stool in the direction of the women’s room.

You couldn’t tell if you were staggering from the copious amounts of alcohol you ingested, but your legs were beginning to feel heavy, and for some ominous reason, you were slowly losing all sensation in your left leg. You try to hold onto one of the izakaya’s shōji panel decor pieces to regain your balance, but it was a futile effort in the end. Your knees suddenly buckle, and a sickening crack tears through your tibia as you fall to the ground.

“Are you alright?!”

Toji picks up on the commotion instantly and he sees the izakaya patrons crowding around the hallway leading to the restroom. He quickly makes his way over and a look of disgust appears on his features when he sees you crumpled on the ground and the mortifying sight of you having relieved yourself on the floor, tears of embarrassment staining your cheeks at the thought of your body suddenly malfunctioning like this.

Muttering out an ignorant apology for his seemingly drunk wife, he roughly picks you up, growing increasingly infuriated with you when one izakaya employee offers him a damp cloth to dry out your urine with. It was funny how quickly other people came to your aid — people whose names you don’t even know — while your own husband seems very reluctant to even touch you right now. He doesn’t speak to you on the way home even as you apologize while he’s loading you into the car, grimacing when the leather seat gets wet. “Toji, I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened—“

“—Save it.”

What he should have said was: “Are you okay?”, “It’s alright.” or better yet, “I still love you.”.

At present, Toji decides on a whim to take you to Yokohama’s famed bayside today. It’s only a two hour drive from your place in Tokyo and Toji figures you must miss going on road trips by now with you cooped up at home all the time. “Toji, are you sure this is a good idea?” you murmured nervously as the car pulls to a stop by the bayside promenade. What happens if you can’t control yourself again? There doesn’t look to be a lot of public restrooms nearby.

Toji plants a reassuring kiss to your nose. “Babe, you remember what the doctor said, spending some time outdoors can do wonders for your health. Besides, didn’t you always love the coast?” He brings your hand to his scarred lips, rubbing his thumb against the soft skin before stepping out of the car to retrieve your wheelchair from the trunk.

“I know but what if I have another accident?” you said worriedly, rolling down the car windows so he could hear you. “What if I embarrass you again?”

“There’s nothing embarrassing about you.”

You’ve lost all control of your lower extremities three months ago, rendering you unable to walk and feel when you need to relieve yourself. Toji struggles with the wheelchair for a bit and a flash of sadness fills your heart when you see him take a few deep breaths to calm himself down. He wasn’t angry, he was devastated. He looks wistfully at the boardwalk, a distant gaze trained on the sea. He remembers when you used to walk down this very lane, his hand protectively around your waist as you happily take selfies. He could still hear your fond giggles the last time the two of you went here.

“Why don’t you ever smile when I take pictures of you?”

Toji shoos away a pigeon from stealing a bite of his ice cream sandwich. He feigns an unamused look when you try to take another picture of him on your phone.

“Come on, I’ve been trying to get a shot of you all day! You still have to take pictures of me so I can post it on my Instagram feed!”

Your ever moody husband pinches off a small piece of bread and feeds it to the nosy pigeon. “You and your precious feed,” he bemoans jokingly.

“Please? Just one picture!“ you playfully nudged him. Truthfully, you just wanted to see him smile for once, a genuine one and not one of those lopsided smirks he usually gives you when he’s teasing you. “Please?” you pout knowing he can never say no to that adorable face you make when you really want him to do something or worse, buy something for you.

Sighing, he turns to look at your phone’s camera lens and you blush when a smile slowly illuminates his usually stoic face. Your thumb hovers over the stop recording function, not realizing you’re taking a video, but you can’t seem to press it. “What’s taking so long?” he holds the smile like he’s some cartoon character and you snap out of it.

“Oh shoot, it’s a video!” you laughed, and you begin to run down the boardwalk, eagerly getting away from Toji who demands that you delete it immediately. Of course, you’re no match for his borderline inhuman speed attributed to his athletic physique and he catches you by the waist, playfully swinging you over his shoulder like you’re a sack of potatoes.

Now, your giggles have gone silent.

Toji realizes now he should have indulged you more over the course of your relationship and subsequent marriage. Had he known that you won’t even make it to your third wedding anniversary, he would have allowed you to take as many pictures and videos of him as you’d like, he’d swallow his pride and he’d give you the brightest of smiles so you could happily post him on your social media accounts with a heartwarming caption about him being your “smiley hubby”.

More than that though, he should have taken more photos of you, mostly stolen candid shots, of course. You can’t catch him being all soft on you now. He still has a reputation to live up to after all. But more than that, had he known that your illness was intent on stealing every scrap of you from him, he should have made more effort in preserving all these memories. He should have kept everything from those toll tickets on your late night drives together when the two of you just needed a quick escape from the world, to receipts from your trip to Tokyo Disney Sea on your first wedding anniversary, and even simple convenience store receipts.

Toji should have kept everything down to the smallest of memories knowing one day, that’s all he’ll have to remember you by.

He opens the passenger seat’s door and he effortlessly gathers you into his arms, being extra careful with your fragile form as he sits you down on the wheelchair. He opens the backseat and he pulls out two different colored blankets, one sea-foam green and the other, rose pink. “Take your pick,” he smiles at you and you chuckled softly, pointing to the rose pink one. He happily covers your legs with it to keep you warm, stroking your cheek when you whisper a bashful ‘thank you’.

Suddenly, the wind picks up and your hair-clip that’s holding your locks in a low bun comes loose, and your head turns in the direction of where it flew off to. Toji is quick to take out his phone and he snaps a quick burst shot of you, your hair blowing in the wind, under the coastal spring weather. You turn to look at him and your face falls when you see him burying his phone in his pocket. Since you fell ill, you’ve become insecure of your appearance, banning your husband from taking pictures and videos of you altogether. “Toji, I thought I said no pictures.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The next day, you serendipitously find your photo on your Instagram handle with the caption: “Y/N — Yokohama, Spring, 2024” and when you swipe left, another picture, well to be more accurate, a screenshot of the video clip you accidentally took of him captioned: “Toji — Yokohama, Summer, 2022”.

“You don’t have to stick around for me. Please just go, I’m sure Yuko must be looking for you right now.”

Yuko, his new fiancé, had been blowing up his phone the entire day with texts demanding to know where he is and if he’s going to make it to their date that night. It’s 7 PM now, and Toji still hasn’t shown up to confirm their restaurant reservations. The damn witch will surely cuss him out when they see each other again, but for some reason, even if he tries, he simply cannot bring himself to give a flying fuck. Your immunologist and oncologist stepped out for a bit to allow you two a brief moment of privacy which had now stretched to an expanse of five hours since your results came in.

The air in the room is thick and heavy, not a single sound can be heard. Inside however, underneath this tough exterior he was projecting, Toji is throwing a fit, screaming at the sky like those broken men in those shitty Netflix romance tragedies he used to callously make fun of.

“Why didn’t you call me sooner? You knew, didn’t you?”

Toji’s bites his cheek trying to keep a lid on his emotions. He knows the answer. He just wants to hear you say it out loud. You hated him. You wanted nothing to do with him after he cheated on you with some girl he met at a bar in uptown Shibuya. That’s why you didn’t tell him, he didn’t deserve to know. “Shit,” he whispers harshly, crumpling the medical abstract in his hands. “Why didn’t you tell me you were sick? Was it because you hated me? Is that it? You didn’t think I’d worry about you?”

You screwed your eyes shut, shaking your head. You didn’t hate him, not even when you have every reason to. He abandoned you, left you to waste away and to die and yet, even now, you can’t bring yourself to resent him for the simple reason that he is the literal love of your life, the reason behind your smiles, your happy mornings and passionate midnight hours. “At first, I thought I was fine, maybe just fatigued or something.”

“Don’t lie. You knew something was going on and that something in your body was seriously fucked up.”

“And we weren’t married anymore so, I didn’t think it was right to tell you…I wanted to though, but I didn’t want to intrude on you and Yuko,” you said meekly. Even in your greatest hour of need, you were still thinking of him, putting him first even when he doesn’t deserve it. “I-I…I don’t hate you enough to worry you, to make you feel that you could have done something to prevent this. Because I’m telling you right now, regardless if you were faithful or not, I was bound to get sick anyway. You couldn’t have done anything to change that.”

“But I could have been there. I should have noticed. I shouldn’t have downplayed everything.” He says this as if he wants to shake this noble, self-sacrificing bullshit attitude out of your system. “I’m your husband. I should have been there.”

You flash him a heartbroken smile at his little slip-up, so, even now, he was still referring to himself as your husband, not your ex-husband. “To see me waste away? Babe, I don’t want you to see that.”

You begin to feel tears streaming down your face, the emotions you were experiencing now flowing like a free river after an entire dam is destroyed. Toji watches you unravel before his eyes and his bottom lip begins to tremble. What has he done? Dear god, what has he done to his poor, poor wife?

“I want you to remember me healthy, I want you to remember me as myself not this…sickly pitiful woman you’re unlucky to call your ex-wife…besides, after all this, I’ll only be a dream.” A mere passing second in his life. “And believe me, my life wasn’t so bad.”

He loses it at that.

“Just stop this, Y/N! Stop acting like you’re not scared shitless of dying, like you’re not gonna have regrets once all this is over! Stop pretending that things are gonna be alright one day because it won’t! Not when I’m now being forced to accept that you won’t get better, not when I’ve wasted so much time putting you through hell and back instead of taking care of you like a proper husband should, and certainly not when I’m suddenly supposed to learn to say goodbye and to live without you! Because fuck that, Y/N!”

You are left speechless at that.

Toji was never one to lose his cool, even during your worst arguments, he may slide a few snarky remarks here and there but Toji Fushiguro…never yells, and he doesn’t sob either.

You hesitantly stand up and walk over to him, crouching down in front of him as he covers his tear-stained eyes with his right hand while the other is crumpled around your medical abstract. Taking his left hand, you gently remove the medical abstract from his grip, and for the first time in so many months, you feel one another’s warm skin against each other. You press your forehead to his hand as you wept with him.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to be a dream. I want you to be real.”

“Can’t you be bothered to clean up in here?!”

You wake up from your nap, you’ve been battling muscle and joint pain the entire day, the slightest of movement causing you to double over in agony and because of that, you weren’t able to clean the apartment today. You slowly get up from the couch, being extra cautious not to make any sudden movements. “Well?” Toji presses, his lips curled into a scowl.

“I’m sorry, I was feeling a little tired,” you sighed heavily, picking up a broom to sweep the living room floor despite the excruciating pain you were in. Toji rolls his eyes, handing you a Manila envelope. “What’s this?” you asked softly, peering inside.

“Divorce papers,” he shrugs nonchalantly. Everything stops, even the very rise and fall of your chest halts into an uneasy stasis. “I already signed them. I just need your signature then, I’ll move out by tomorrow.”

You must be dreaming. That’s the only logical explanation to all this. You’re asleep, in a deep REM sleep, utterly oblivious to the world. This wasn’t happening. But you could feel the rough surface of the brown envelope, and you could still feel the agonizing stabs of white hot pain throughout your body. Glancing at Toji, you see him texting someone with an eager look on his face that screams: “I’m free.”.

Instantly, it dawns on you.

“Will she make you happy?” you asked, putting down the broom to look around for a pen but Toji pulls one he stole from the law firm office out of his pocket.

“She will,” he answers simply.

And you are indeed grateful that he is completely upfront about finding another while the two of you are married. It would have hurt much more, you silently remind yourself, if he had just upped and left without another word leaving you to wonder what went wrong between the two of you. This was Toji’s final act of mercy in your marriage, and he’s not opposed to honesty and truthfulness either. Not once did he try to change his phone’s lock-screen passcode, nor did he try to conceal the identity of the woman who was texting him every night while you slept fitfully next to him. It was almost as if he wanted you to find out, like he wanted you to know so you could back off yourself.

But if there’s one thing Toji loves about you, it’s your unending faithfulness to your promises, to your marriage vows, and your willingness to endure anything he threw at you. You never checked his phone, you never brought up his affair, you never got angry with him. You just kept silent, simply content with giving and giving…and giving while he milked you dry by taking, and taking and taking, tearing you to pieces bit by bit without hearing a single complaint fall from your lips.

You were a devoted wife, through and through.

And it bored the hell out of him, on top of your recent mishaps, he was done. Done with everything, and done with you.

“Okay.”

Come morning, he takes everything he owns with him and promptly proposes to the girl he’s been seeing for the past year. Two weeks later, your divorce is received by the Tokyo Family Court and is summarily approved and finalized. From that moment on, you and Toji went on your separate ways never to look back, you were each other’s yesterdays, and the love that existed between the two of you was nullified in favor of acquaintanceship…or so you thought.

“Y/N, I’m home!” Toji calls into the house as he comes back from your neighborhood’s pharmacy. You look up from the book you were reading, smiling ever so slightly at your husband who seemed to have a wonderful sparkle in his eyes. “Hey, kid,” he kisses the top of your head when he reaches your wheelchair.

“You seem happy,” you remarked positively.

“Well, for one, they replenished their stocks today and I managed to get you your steroids and painkillers so you’ll be able to sleep easy tonight,” Toji smiles, taking out the items from the pharmacy’s paper bag. “And I got you this neat memory foam cushion for your wheelchair.” He fluffs it up as a form of demonstration before placing it behind your back.

When he sees you smile, a sense of relief washes over Toji. You reach towards him, and he pulls you into an embrace. “Thank you,” you said, pure sincerity dripping from your voice. “For everything you do.”

“Anything for you.” He suddenly moves back and reaches into the tote bag you lended him. “Oh, and wait, before I forget, I have another surprise.”

You laughed airily. “Another surprise? Now, you’re just spoiling me!”

He pulls out a piece of paper from the tote bag and he places it in your hands as your eyes quickly scan over the document. Your breath hitches in your throat when you realize what it is. Did Toji really—? You couldn’t believe it. “A marriage pre-registration,” you said in awe. You read it again just in case to make sure that this wasn’t a figment of your sick body’s imagination, that this was real, that Toji genuinely wants to make everything right again. Your fingers skim over your typewritten names. “It has our names…we’re really—“ You can’t even finish your sentence without bursting into happy tears. “Are we—?”

Toji nods, gazing into your eyes, and as emerald and (E/C) clash for what seems to be an eternity lost in one another, he plants a kiss to your temple, coming up to embrace you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“We are. The Tokyo Family Court, as far as I know, will approve our remarriage once we file this. So, you have to get stronger, okay?” He’s begging you at this point, despite your rapidly deteriorating condition. “Strong enough to see me fix everything. Strong enough to be there on our second wedding, strong enough to say our vows again.”

Your hand comes up to stroke his cheek from behind, and he nuzzles into your neck at your tender touch.

“I will. I promise.”

But you never really get to say your vows. Not comprehensibly anyway.

“Babe, can you say that again?”

Toji crouches by your bedside as you look at him apologetically. You were causing him trouble and pain again which is the last thing that you want to give him especially when’s fought and worked so hard to care for you, to keep prolonging this borrowed time you’re on. “To-ji. Toji.” You gaze at him apprehensibly, not really believing you can do it without crumbling.

“Come on, babe, you can do it. Say my name, please…Toji. I’m Toji.”

“Toooji-“ you slurred sadly. At this point, your Multiple Sclerosis has reached its end stage and has taken…everything from you: your ability to walk, your ability to control your muscle spasms and other bodily functions…and now, coupled with an unexpected stroke, your ability to speak. And you and Toji know that time is almost up, with you having come to accept it, while your husband still held onto hope. Your fingers gently graze over his face as best as your spasms and tremors allow you, starting from his forehead to his eyes, his nose, his cheek and finally, his lips, as if you’re memorizing it one last time. “Lo-ove you-“

Toji sniffles, and your fingers instinctively catch his warm tears. “I love you,” he whispers brokenly. “I do. I love you.”

You feel yourself tearing up as you’re forced to watch your beloved cry. And the worst part? You can’t do a thing about it. “D-oon’t c-cry—‘m okaay. Promi-miise…e’everyything ‘ill be okaaay.”

“Y-yeah,” he chuckles, trying to crack a joke even as hope dwindles. “You’ve been nothing but a fucking champ this entire time, you know? I’m so proud of you. So…so…proud that you’re still here.” He strokes your hair as you tread between the realms of the conscious and the unconscious. “Do you wanna go out today? The weather’s shit though. You’ll probably catch your death out there.” At the mention of the word ‘death’, Toji stops, falling into an uncomfortable silence.

You smile weakly at him. “Tiiredd—“

“You’re no fun,” Toji gently flicks your nose and you scrunch it up in displeasure. “Sorry,” he chuckles, holding back an entire waterfall of tears. He knows it’s today. It has to be. You woke up today without your usual ‘happy morning’ greeting, and you refused to drink anything, much less eat anything. “You tired? Any pain?”

You shake your head. You’re as comfortable as you can be for the first time in months. Hospice nurses say humans are built to live the same way they are built to die, no person in this world has ever had the uncanny privilege of being able to look up ‘How to die?’ on a quick Google search and actually find a Wikihow on the morbid subject matter, nor is there anyone else who can teach another how it’s done. It’s just something humans know how to do without a manual, deeply ingrained in the very fabric of human existence is the fear of death, the fear of what comes after, the fear of a nothingness that could follow after living such a vibrant life. Your life was short, barely spanning thirty years, but you lived well: you fell in love, you got hurt, but you fell together again. Now it all has to come to an end, Toji will just have to take care of the rest.

And you weren’t scared.

Or at least you can’t look scared, if you were to be more accurate, you have to look strong and ready to accept the cards you’ve been dealt with for Toji’s sake. When he feels your hand start to slacken, Toji intakes a sharp, shaky breath of sheer panic. “Not yet, Y/N. Please. Not yet.”

He climbs into bed with you, bringing you closer to this desperate man you call yours. There was no getting better anymore, there was no miracle he could hang onto, no deity he could beg for death to spare you, no pill bottle he could pray to. He knew that from the start. But what he witnessed these past months, you’ve been the braver one between the two of you, you knew how to make the most of the rhythm this cruel world gave you and you graciously took him along to dance to the last song of the evening with you.

“There’s still hope. Just keep your eyes open. Just keep them open.” He presses his lips to your forehead, his delusion getting the better of him. “We’ll just keep trying…you can’t leave. You have to stay. You have to.”

“Thaank yoou—“ you softly told your Toji, your voice shrinking in decibels as you become a little drowsy, sinking into the warmth of the requiem of a life well spent.

Toji listens to you, his lips pursed, intent on making this final act of love — a love that is strong enough to say goodbye — a memorable one. And should the afterlife exist, he wishes to send you off with a smile, with the reassurance that he’ll be alright even if that was far from happening.

“Toji.”

“I want you to be real. And I don’t care if we’ll live on borrowed time. Another extra second with you…is enough to last me my entire lifetime.”

[nebulaafterdark]

Sooner Or Late (Part 2)

Summary: Y/N flees to the north before the start of the war. When it is over, Aegon will stop at nothing to get her back.

18+ ONLY targcest, implied dubcon, mental illness & violence

Part 1

Y/N wakes without Aegon’s warmth, something she has grown accustomed to in these past years. She craves his touch, like air to breathe. Pacing through their chambers, until voices can be heard just beyond the door.

“I love her, mother.” Aegon says, in a hushed tone.

“This is perverse, Aegon.” Alicent hisses, “she scarcely recalls her own name. Or what befell her mother, let alone her husband-”

“I am her husband!” Aegon shouts, “I am.”

“Because you slaughtered the first.”

“She needs me,” Aegon whispers.

“That is not her.” Alicent insists. “She wants nothing but what you impose upon her to want.”

“If you speak such slanders again, I will have your tongue removed.”

The cruel nature of his tone sends a chill down Y/N’s spine. Unlocking something within her she’s long since forgotten. The first…her first husband. She collapses to the floor, digging the heels of her hands into her eye sockets. Conjuring the memory of him.

Jonathan.

The man who loved her, truly. The man she now betrays, growing Aegon’s children in her womb. And her mother…her mother hasn’t come to see her because-

The door swings open and Aegon storms in, finding his wife curled around herself on the floor. “Oh, my dearest love.” He coos, sinking down to join her. “Come here, darling.” He pulls her into his lap. “Are you alright?”

“I could not find you.” She tells him, clutching his tunic in her fist. “I was frightened.” Y/N is making a show of it, surely. She does not need Aegon. She can’t.

“There, there, my love.” Aegon tuts, “I am so terribly sorry.”

“I fear something has happened to me.”

“How do you mean?”

“I have been here too long and I’ve changed.”

“That is what you were meant to do.” Aegon assures her. “This is where you’re meant to be, that’s all. Nothing to fear.”

Y/N forces herself to nod. Knowing now more than ever she must leave, before it’s too late.

————————————————————————

Her son, Jon, is the only one made privy to her plans. The younger children she will leave to Aegon. Despite it all, she’s come to care for him but she cannot stay.

“There is a ship leaving port tonight.” Y/N says, holding her son’s hand as she breaks the news. “I should like for us to be on it.”

“And father?” Jonathan asks.

Gods no…they have been here too long. “Just us. This will be our secret.”

He nods, though he doesn’t understand.

“Go now, enjoy your toys. I must ready for the journey.”

————————————————————————

It is nearly time, Y/N makes for her son’s rooms, with nothing more than the clothes on her back. She knows the guard’s schedule well…and Aegon’s. There will be plenty of time to board the ship.”

“And where do you think you’re going?” Aegon.

Her blood runs cold, turning to him with a forced smile, “to find you, my love.”

“Mmm,” he hums closing the distance between them. “Were you now?”

“The babe is restless,” Y/N takes his hand, resting it on her belly.

Aegon smiles, feeling the child stir beneath his palm, “missing their father, I’d wager.”

“Mayhaps.”

He leans in closer, until his lips brush her ear. “Imagine how terribly they’d miss me, had you gotten away with it.”

No, she shrinks away from him.

“Ah, ah, ah.” Aegon drapes both arms around her waist, holding her close, their child pressed between them. “It’s over. These fantasies you have of leaving me.” He spits the penultimate word like venom.

Y/N whimpers.

“It was our boy who warned me of your plotting. I have never been more proud. He will be rewarded handsomely.” Aegon muses, “I hope this helps you to understand, you can never leave.”

“What more do you want of me?” Y/N sobs, shifting between feet, in the small space between them.

“Everything.” Aegon takes her face between his hands.

“You have taken everything!”

“Your life should be miserable. One tragedy after another, until you learn that only my hand can spare you. But I do not wish to torture you to death.” He scoffs. “I want a life with you, why won’t you give me that?”

“You filled my head with lies. You seek to carve out all that I am, to make way for who you want me to be. Docile and subservient. If you truly love me, how could you?”

“That is the only way you’ll stay with me.” Aegon strokes his thumb over her tear stained cheek. “It is such a shame that I’ll have to break you all over again.”

Y/N shoves at him. “To the seven hells with you.”

His mouth traps hers, in a searing kiss. “There she is.” His tongue traces the seam of her lips, only to be met by her teeth. “My fiery girl.” He chuckles, “it is a pleasure to see you again.”

Aegon taglist:

@oh-you-mean-me @niyahnotnia

[bunnyreaper]

𝖈𝖔𝖑𝖑𝖆𝖗𝖘 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖈𝖆𝖌𝖊𝖘 𝔞 𝔰𝔬𝔞𝔭 𝔪𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔞𝔳𝔦𝔰𝔥 𝔵 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯 𝔰𝔢𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔰 𝖕𝖙 1 — 𝖕𝖙 2 𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊 wc - 5.7k warnings - 18+/nsfw, dom sub dynamic, eventual romance/smut, medium burn? notes - first part of my owner!soap x pet!reader, woohoo! i already regret writing something centered around texting and calling lmao, crying!! the formatting is killing me!! anyway, also on ao3! and if you wanna send a request, pls do! ♥

Lonely girl looking for owner. 

Posting on this subreddit again was probably a mistake—but a deep-down part of you clings to the hope that this time will be the time you find someone, the time you get to go home to him. 

At least this time, you'll be better at spotting the signs right off the bat—if only you can take off the rose-tinted glasses long enough to take note.

Your inbox is flooded with the usual kinds of messages—unsolicited pictures, low-effort one-sentence wonders, and so-called doms jumping straight to the part where they call you a nasty whore with no actual consideration for the person you are. 

You're just about to give up, delete the post, and ignore all chat requests when a message arrives in your inbox. 

From: squeakycleanscot 

Subject: Lonely guy looking for girl

Hi,

Saw your post and knew I had to message. You sound like everything I'm looking for and more.

I'm a little younger than the age you put on your post, but I think I fit your other requirements. I'm 27, Scottish (yes, with the accent), and in the army, I hope that's a turn-on rather than a turn-off.

When I'm not deployed, I like cosy nights in, preferably with my love by my side. Don't mind a night at the pub either, especially if there's a Celtic match on, not that anywhere near here shows them. 

I'm looking for something longer term like you mentioned (would love to collar my girl one day, which is probably ironic considering I'm a wee bit scared of dogs.)

Happy to send a picture if you'd like :) 

Hope to hear from you soon, 

Johnny.

Johnny. 

You reread the message, turning his words over in your mind. 

Something about his message has your attention—it at least suggests he has a brain in his head and a heart capable of empathy, and that maybe he's serious. 

You begin typing your reply instantly, your fingers moving so fast you have to type and retype so many parts to rid the message of all of the overexcited mistakes.

hi johnny, 

scottish?! is it bad im already imagining how your dirty talk will sound? 

it's funny, i always wanted to join the army growing up, but it never worked out. maybe it's for the best as now i'm not immune to enjoying a hot man in uniform... which I'm assuming you are ;) 

cosy nights in are my favourite too! I'm a bit of a homebody and love being snuggled up more than anything. i have to let you know in advance that you have some stiff competition in the form of my giant teddy bear, barnaby. 

i'm looking for something longer term too, or at least not a one night kind of thing—a collar one day would be the dream <;3 

if you send a picture, ill send one back, nothing sexy just yet though, if that's okay? 

have you met up with someone off here before? just curious about your experiences! 

y/n

As soon as the message is sent, the overthinking kicks in—was that too much? Is he going to think you're weird? 

You shuffle in bed, turning over between the sheets and trying to flick through other apps as you wait for a reply—otherwise, you'd just be staring at the notifications bar waiting for that silly little robot face to pop up. 

Johnny doesn't leave you waiting long, only a few minutes passing from your last message.

Maybe you'll find out sooner rather than later just how my dirty talk sounds ;) 

I tried to sneak in before I was old enough, but they caught on. Served since I was 18 though, you'll have a lot of stories ready from me if you're ever willing to listen. Not sure if the uniform is anything like you're thinking though, in my unit it's mostly just t-shirts, tac vests and trousers. 

I'll prepare my best snuggling arms for if we ever meet. You should inform Barnaby now about his replacement, mind. 

Can't not send a sexy photo though, sorry lass, all my pictures are. I'm sure you understand, lol

Haven't met anyone, had a few conversations but nothing worth pursuing, and had kind of given up until I saw your post. 

His message is the perfect mix of sexy, sweet, and sincere—and if that is the essence of the man, you know he's everything you're looking for. 

You try not to think too hard about a hot Scottish accent calling you all your favourite names or telling you exactly what to do, or even those stories he has to tell, as the idea is all too exciting. 

Reading his message, you instinctively reach out to pat Barnaby when you see he may end up replaced—hopefully the poor bear will understand when he has to vacate the bed for this sexy soldier man. 

looking forward to it. can I start putting in requests now for bedtime stories too?

i still wanna see, maybe in your sexy-not-sexy pic? 

barnaby will be devastated by the news, and you may have to give him hugs too (but not for too long, or i'll get lonely!!!)

same here, about things not going anywhere... or people turning out to be a bit scary, so you're not allowed to let me down, okay? 

Maybe the last part of the message was too much, but your heart is already soaring with unbridled hope—along with that hope comes doubt too. 

Each second waiting for a reply drags, and you take to re-reading his messages and clicking on his profile to investigate. 

It's largely empty of posts, but there are tons of comments across different communities—including his aforementioned football team, r/Scotland, and eyebleach. 

Clearly, he's a softie at heart. 

When his next message comes through, it's an Imgur link with a short message. 

Here we go, a few months old though now. Don't have anything more recent from work :) 

You take a moment or two to steady yourself before you tap the link. While you definitely feel like you and Johnny have already started to click, if he's not your type then it probably won't go anywhere... 

It's a situation you've been in before—great conversation, similar interests but no physical attraction, and back then you didn't have the heart to break it off straight away.

You tap the link and are greeted by a full-body shot of a tall, well-built man in tactical clothes. His hair is a neatly trimmed mohawk, and while his face isn't crystal clear, he's clearly fucking handsome. His biceps bulge from the gray tee stretched over his torso, his large hands are covered with gloves and grasping a gun.

Your eyes trail to his long legs, thick thighs encased in camo and strapped with various holsters. All in all, the picture is perfect. You find yourself zooming in desperately to get a better look at his face, the handsome jaw lined with stubble that you can already imagine between your legs. The whole image and every new detail has you squirming in your bed, and cheekily wishing to save the image to your phone.

holyfwucj 

holy fuck 

Like what you see? 

i need a hug from you urgently. 

now i feel shy... 

It had crossed your mind ever so slightly that Johnny may be out of your league, or that he simply may not be attracted to someone like you, which would be a complete shame. Now you've set eyes on him, you want him even more—want to kneel at those feet and stare up at his hulking figure while he tugs on a leash around your neck. 

Hopefully, just like you, he'll be smitten from the first glance. 

Scrolling through your camera roll, you decide you don't exactly love any recent photos of yourself. The ones at your last work event have you looking far too corporate, and the only image from your last night out was taking in a bathroom mirror in the local Wetherspoons—neither of which is ideal. 

You crawl out from the warmth of your sheets, kneeling on the end of the bed and posing as you point your camera in the mirror that sits across the room and captures you perfectly. Before you start snapping, you adjust your top to make sure too much isn't on display, even though it's strappy and cropped, and definitely a little bit more on the tantalising side as far as your pyjamas go. 

Hopefully, Johnny likes the pose and the outfit... and you. You can see your smiling face just to the side of your phone as you press to capture the picture—and when you return to your inbox to send the picture link, a message is waiting for you. 

I already know you're gorgeous. Don't leave me hanging, bonnie. 

okay. this is me now, all ready for bed!! 

Holy fuck yourself.

And I'm assuming that's Barnaby in the background. 

If he notices the pose, he doesn't comment on it, instead delighting your heart by commenting on Barnaby instead.

sure is! he's ready for snuggles and sleep. 

Can you do me a favour? 

That message makes your heart skip because usually when something like that is asked, it's followed with a request for nudes or something sexual—and while that is a large part of something like this, you crave the connection first, crave someone actually sticking around and getting to know you. 

depends on what it is!

Tell Barnaby to keep looking after you until I get there, yeah? 

does that mean you're coming for me?

One day, if we're both lucky.

seems promising so far, Johnny. 

Get some sleep, yeah? Maybe tomorrow night I'll give you a bell. 

The idea of this conversation ending is heart-wrenching, but at least sleep will bring you closer to that possible phone call. Hearing his voice, now that will be even more incredible. 

how do you expect me to sleep after telling me that? so mean! 

Patience, bonnie. Be good for me? 

You clench, your thighs squeezing together as arousal rushes through you. It's like he knows exactly how far to go, what buttons to press, what you're looking for.

It's the right kind of commanding, toeing the line perfectly between flirtatious and in charge. A lot of guys you've talked to have rushed it made commands too early, and sent you running. Johnny's words, be good for me? You can't help but want to behave. 

okay, but I see how this is going to be :( 

Bet you look so fucking good with a pout ;) 

now you're just being a cruel tease, Johnny... 

Sorry, I'll stop. Sleep, yeah, for me?

cuddling up to barnaby now. 

You decide to attach another picture, your eyes screwed shut and cheeks squished as you wrap yourself around the bear and cuddle up under the sheets. 

talk tomorrow?

Of course, bonnie, sweet dreams <;3 

You lock your phone, your eyes feeling relieved as they adjust to the darkness. 

For a brief moment, you just clutch your phone to your chest and recall the picture Johnny had sent, how much you'd love to be wrapped up in his arms tonight. 

He's the only thing on your mind as you drift off to sleep.

-//-

Your dreams are tumultuous, starting off with a nightmare of being chased and chased until your legs give out, only for you to find salvation and safety in a stranger's arms—one who seemed vaguely familiar. 

The first thing you do when you wake is roll over to check your phone, elation overtaking you when you see a notification from Johnny already waiting there—already he's blessing you with a good morning message.

Good morning, sweet girl.

Attached under the picture is another image link, and clicking on it brings up an absolutely gorgeous picture of Johnny, lazing in bed. There's just enough light in the room for you to see the brightness of his eyes that you couldn't see before—his mohawk is mussed, and his smile is easy, drawing you in. 

He's even more handsome in this up close photo, you can only imagine what he looks like in person, right before you. 

morning Johnny <3 how did you sleep? 

Like a baby. Yourself? 

not the best, but I swear you were in my dream. 

Sorry to hear that, but oh already? What did I do? 

I mean, it was a bulky guy with a mohawk but he didn't have your name, I think it was meant to be you though. 

You recall the safety you felt in the arms of the strange figure, it was serene, and everything you hope to feel when you find the one—hopefully that's Johnny.

My dreams were shite, you didn't show up. 

i'll try harder to be there tonight!! 

Promise? 

promise. 

God, he's so fucking sweet. It's hard to imagine he's into all the things you mentioned in your initial post, at least right now. But you're all too familiar with how appearances can be deceiving—you wonder what else your sweet Scot is into. 

You peel back the covers and head out into the kitchen, flicking the kettle on mindlessly as you keep your eyes fixated on the screen—not wanting to be even a minute late to answering Johnny's texts, even though it seems there's a natural lull in the conversation. 

You return your focus to making your tea, and your thoughts don't drift from Johnny for even a moment, as you ponder ways to keep the conversation going. Admittedly, you have a million and one questions you want, but you don't want to come across too... eager? clingy? Like some serial killer fiending for information? 

It's crazy the way your heart yearns for him so soon—and it's crazy the way that you wish he feels the same as you do. You wonder how his day is going, and if he's staring at your phone waiting for your message.

With tea brewed, you set it on the coffee table and flop onto the plush couch, rushing to open the app when a new notification pops up.

What's your plan for the day? 

lazy day, binge-watching... texting you? wbu? 

I have to work for a bit, but I'll message you when I can. 

On a weekend? That's horrible, but I imagine they run a tight ship over there. 

You rush to follow up your message with something else. 

will you still be able to call tonight? 

Aye, give me your number, I'll save it! 

You send off your number and don't hear anything from Johnny for a good few hours. You pass the time watching one of your favourite shows, and trying to resist the urge to go scroll down Johnny's profile once more.  

The next time a message pops up, it's well past lunch.

Cute profile pic on whatsapp.

Johnny has clearly added your number to his contacts and spied your picture on the app. You blush thinking of him seeing you in that costume—especially after he knows what you're into.

it was Halloween, I swear!! 

You make an adorable little kitten, lass.

imagination running wild now? ;) 

Aye, but I'm a gent. 

hopefully not always...

Oh, you'll see. Talk to you tonight, kitty. 

talk to you then &lt;;3 

Now you're just itching, waiting for the hours to crawl by for Johnny's workday to end, so you can talk to him again, so you can finally hear his voice. 

What will it sound like saying your name? Whispering sweet nothings in your ears? 

The hours pass slowly until a different notification lights up your phone as you cuddle into your sheets.

Hey, it's Johnny! Just got home. 

You scramble to click on the pop-up, spying his own profile picture in the corner—tapping on it to view it closer. 

It's the Johnny you recognise, smiling wide with his arm slung around another man. He looks so ridiculously happy, probably due to the pint in his other hand. The more you look at him, the more you can't believe you're talking to this man, that he wants to talk to you. 

You quickly add him to your contacts, putting a heart next to his name, before you return to the chat and begin to type.

i'm not the only one with a cute pfp!! 

Three sheets to the wind in that picture, actually.

i can tell &lt;3

Ready to call? 

whenever you're ready!

The image of him floods your screen, the screen pulsing as it waits for you to accept. Your fingers tremble as you press the button, and you fall silent as you press the phone to your ear, nerves gripping at your throat. 

"Hi, bonnie." His voice drifts from the phone speaker, sweet like honey and warm like sunshine, with that gorgeous accent too. 

"Hi." You squeak out, silently cursing at yourself for being so nervous and seemingly unable to speak. 

A melodic laugh follows your words, amused but not cruel or mocking. "Are you nervous?" His voice is soothing, his concern and sweet nature evident. 

You cradle your burning cheek, feeling the way your blush spreads across your smiling face. "Just a little, can you blame me?" 

He's laughing again, and you hear a shuffling noise that suggests he's getting comfortable. "Don't be, I'll look after yer, I promise." 

Fuck. You could get used to hearing that. "I really like your voice." You admit, whispering into the phone with a ridiculous grin on your face. 

"I like yours too, you sound so sweet." 

You drop your voice lower, giggling mischievously. "Only sometimes." 

"That's what I like ta hear." The way Johnny's voice dips as he says that has your insides fluttering, but you can only assume he's returning the favour. His tone returns to its usual charming tone as he asks, "How was your lazy day?" 

"Well, I kind of spent a fair bit of it distracted, thinking about this important call I was going to have tonight..." 

"Oh aye, I should get off the phone so you can wait then." 

"Funny. How was yours? What do you even do day to day, anyway?" You ask, voice brimming with curiosity—there are so many things you want to ask, but you imagine his job can be secretive. 

"Lots of training, and sometimes paperwork, which is right shite." 

"Not when you don't have someone under the desk keeping you company." You laugh, taking the chance to flirt. If you were into Johnny after reading his messages, actually hearing his voice is only making your attraction soar. 

A quiet fuck can be heard, as the man on the end of the phone heaves out a breath. "I'll have ta look into getting you clearance if you keep talking like that, lass." 

"Glad to be of service, what can I say?" You find yourself in a giggle fit at your own silliness, a mix of nerves and joy at enjoying yourself so much.

"God, I love yer laugh." The deep sincerity in his voice makes your chest tighten. 

The drug that is Johnny is already so intoxicating. 

"I'm so glad you can't see me blushing." 

"I'm no'." He sounds so indignant about that. "But I could listen to that laugh all day, really."

If only he could see you pout too. "Now you're just trying to make me blush more." 

He chuckles, his voice dropping dangerously flirtatious again. "Maybe I am, nothing you can do about it."

"Now I'm pouting." 

"Better not pout in front of me, lass." His suggestive tone makes you shiver. 

"Oh, why's that?" You ask, playing coy. 

"'Cause I'll just have to start kissing ya, might even nibble on those soft little lips." 

You suppress a delighted squeak, already so flustered at even the idea of a kiss. "I'm not hearing a downside." 

"No?" 

"Nope." 

"Might not be gentle with you, though." 

"Good thing that I like it rough." The words are out of you before you can reconsider, but they have exactly the effect you intend as you hear Johnny inhale sharply.

"Ach, you and yer wicked mouth." 

"You have no idea..." 

He lets out a rough exhale, his voice turning gravelly and deep. "Fuck, bonnie." 

"Hey, I'm only repaying the favour, I've been squirming desperately pretty much since I picked up the phone." 

He whistles approvingly, his voice now teasing and playfully menacing. "Just you wait til I'm really in ya head." 

"You're already making good progress." You admit.

"Oh aye?" 

You hum contentedly, eyes flickering shut for a moment. "I'll be imagining your voice as I fall asleep tonight." 

"I'll just have ta send yer voice notes to drift off to, so I can end up in your dreams again." You can almost hear the smirk in his voice. 

"Already spoiling me, too." 

Fuck, how is it this man seems to know exactly what to say? Everything that comes out of his mouth takes root in your brain and sends your thoughts running wild—it's like he's already in your head, or as if someone made him in a lab.

"I'll spoil ya every day, if you're ever mine." 

You groan in frustration, unbelieving that a stranger can be so seemingly perfect. "How are you even single, Johnny?" 

"I could ask you the same. Taking everything in me to not ask for an address right now, if I'm being honest." He huffs a laugh. 

While the idea is thrilling, you know you should have at least some sense of preservation, and shouldn't blurt out your postcode for this strange man you barely know. "I'm worth the wait, I swear." You whisper your promise. 

"I'm sure yer are. But to answer your question, my work keeps me busy a lot, and this lifestyle isn't for everyone." There's a hint of vulnerability to his voice, and you sense such a fact is a sore point in his personal life. 

In the fantasy of all of this, you suppose the reality of the situation isn't something you'd stopped to consider. Life for a man in the military was surely so different from a regular 9-5. "I'm guessing that you're away a lot?" 

"Aye, sometimes for just a few days, sometimes for months, all depends." His admission is soft, as if you can hear in his tone that he's waiting for you to bolt. 

If that's the big 'catch' when it comes to Johnny, you can breathe a sigh of relief. "Yeah, I guess you need someone strong and loyal to hold on and wait for you." 

There's a tense silence, something lingering in the air. 

"Hard to come by, I've found." 

The thought makes your stomach twist in the worst possible way. Johnny, at least on the surface, seems so worthy of love. 

You chance the question that's on the tip of your tongue, hoping Johnny doesn't mind your reckless curiosity. "Have... you been cheated on?" 

"More than once, gets less surprising over the years." He finishes with a sad laugh, as you can tell he tries to infuse humour into the whole thing. 

"That's... horrible." 

Being sent away from your home to face gunfire and warfare, all to keep the people back home safe... only to be betrayed by the people back home who love you, who are supposed to wait for you. It's a gut-wrenching thought, and your heart aches for the man.

"A few of the lads here have a similar story." 

"So the army, not for the faint of heart, and dating an army man, not for the faint of heart." You sigh, though you don't feel put off by the thought.  

"Exactly. That you then? Faint of heart?" 

"No. I mean, inside I'm clingy as hell, and I'd miss you like crazy every day until you got back..." Your emotions overtake you, as you imagine a future where you'd have to kiss the man goodbye for maybe months at a time. "But I get the feeling that what we could have would be worth the wait. Hypothetically of course." 

At that, Johnny laughs, and his light tone returns. "Don't want to get too far ahead of ourselves, aye." 

You don't want to get ahead of yourself, you know you shouldn't, but the way you and Johnny have clicked is unlike anything you've felt before. "But... I have a good feeling." 

"I do too, already dreading putting down the phone." 

"I'm not planning on it anytime soon, even if I have to be up early tomorrow." 

"So do I, alarms set for 4." 

You do not envy his lifestyle one bit.

"That's awful! I'm gonna be so cranky tomorrow, I might have to use my lunch break for a nap." You admit, preemptively yawning into your hand. 

"You one of those perpetually sleepy girls?" 

You nod, even though he can't see it. "The sleepiest." 

"Barnaby is a lucky bear, getting to cuddle up to you so much." 

You burst out laughing at the hint of envy in his words. "Are you... jealous?"

"For now, but soon the tables will turn." He faked an evil laugh, that only makes you giggle harder. 

"Oh, you think you can give better snuggles than him?" 

"Oh, I know I can, bonnie. The bear can't wrap his arms around yer, can't whisper sweet things in your ear..." His voice dips back into that seductive, teasing tone. "... Can't trail his hands down to that pretty little pussy." 

Once more, you flush with desire, every nerve alight as Johnny's words wash over you—although it seems like almost everything he says has your body reacting. "You have an interesting way of cuddling, Johnny."

"Didnae say I was actually gonna do anything once my hands got down there." 

"Well, I wouldn't be opposed." 

"When you're in my arms, you wouldn't have a choice, lass." The dark, dominant voice makes you shiver, makes your submissive instincts awaken. 

"Oh yeah?" 

He hums slowly. "Once you're mine, you leave the choices to me. Johnny knows best, yeah?" 

"Johnny knows best." You whisper breathlessly, the words coming out automatically, like they just feel right.

"Steamin' Jesus, can already tell yer gonna be the death of me." 

"Can't have that, your family won't get your death in service payout!" You laugh awkwardly, before a sense of guilt rears its head. "Sorry, grim joke." 

"I don't mind. You should hear some of the ones my Lt. comes out with, he's a right sick bastard." He chuckles.

"Never want to make light of it and hurt you, though." 

"Telling jokes makes it easier hen, you'll be wishing me dead in no time at all."  

You gasp, shocked by the prospect. "I'd never!" 

"Not even when I deny you from touching yourself for my entire deployment? Months of nothing at all?" The sick grin is evident in his voice. 

"You wouldn't, that's so mean. You're too sweet for that." 

"Aye, for now, but don't you like a little bit of meanness, if yer into men like me..." The edge to his voice and the truth to your words has you trembling. 

"Maybe..." You singsong in response, not wanting to give away just how much you liked the idea of his mean side. 

"Bonnie..." He tuts disapprovingly. "Don't play coy." 

You shudder out a breath as you squeeze your thighs together for relief. "I just don't want you to bully me too much right now, I'm already soaked." 

"Is that right?" He seems delightfully surprised by such a revelation. 

"Mhmm." 

"I'm fucking rock hard if it helps, think I have been since last night..." You hear him shuffle, and you try not to imagine what's happening on the other end of the line, or how he looks lying in bed with said hardness.

When he groans hungrily down the line, you feel yourself quake once more. "The sight of you on your fucking knees... Christ alive." 

You can't help but giggle at your unintended teasing. "It wasn't on purpose, I thought it was cute more than anything." 

"Adorable and naughty, could cum just looking at it." He huffs. 

"You're just flattering me, besides, I could say the same about your picture."

Every part of you flushes thinking of the first photo he sent, all muscle and alpha male—it's like he was the physical embodiment of dominance, and just looking at him makes you want to kneel.

"You like the military get up?" 

"Love it, more than I probably should." 

"Oh aye, bet you'd love for me to order you around?" His words are playful, but underpinned with a hint of promise. "All in due time, eh?" 

"All in due time. What's your rank, anyway?" 

"Sergeant." 

"Wait..." You take a deep breath as you consider your question. "Can I ask for your last name or is it too soon?" 

"Mactavish."

Johnny Mactavish—you should remember to give that a quick Google search later.

"Sergeant Mactavish." You test the name on your tongue, trying to imagine him at work, following and giving orders. 

"Sounds too good when you say it, bonnie." He laughs. 

"Thank you, sergeant." Your affectation of the word is entirely intentional, as you attempt to rile him up with the use of his title. 

The throaty groan that leaves him is addictive.

"What else do you like to be called?" 

"Depends on what you want to call me really, but I like... sir." 

"I like it too, will have to remember that for the future, and just torture you with sergeant in the meantime." You can't help but giggle as you flirt. 

"Oh don't worry, am keeping score." He growls playfully. "Wait til I get ma hands on you, bonnie." 

"You're keeping score?" You gasp, a heady mix of fear and arousal coursing through you almost urges you to be even more of a teasing brat.

"Aye, spanking arm at the ready." 

"My pouting lips are ready." 

"Won't be the only thing you use them lips for."

Fuck fuck fuck. Not that you hadn't thought about it already, hadn't already let your mind drift to what his cock might look like—whether it matches the size of the man—now you're definitely thinking about it. Fixated on it, craving it. 

Some cards are best kept close to your chest so early on, so you change tack and go a different direction with his flirtation. "Yeah, with you in the room, I'd probably be smiling a whole lot." 

The two of you continue to chat, you asking what you can about his work as he asks about yours, and you fill him in on the boring world you live in, which seems especially boring in comparison to taking down cartels and traveling the world.

The conversation never stops being easy, the flirtation and innuendo always right there at the tip of your tongues as you tease each other relentlessly—giving as good as you get. All night, you're practically grinding against your duvet as you get lost in Johnny's dulcet tones, and you find yourself just letting him speak for the sake of getting to hear more of his voice.

As Johnny is about to ask you more about your background, you're overcome with a harsh yawn that you desperately try to stifle. Your eyes have been shut for the last hour at least, but with the command Johnny has over your nervous system right now, it's been easy to stay awake. 

"Tired, bonnie?" He asks, voice laced with sweet concern.

"Yeah..." Your voice falls quiet, as the thought of ending the call makes your throat constrict. "But I don't wanna stop talking." 

"Me either, but av got bad news." 

You know what's coming, and you know it isn't remotely anywhere near the end of the world, despite what your heart is telling you right now. "Go on." 

"I have to go." Even he sounds sad about such an outcome. 

"It's not even that late?" The clock reads 2 am. 

"Gotta get a wee bit of sleep before I hit the gym, and then get off ta work. Don't you have work too?" 

"Work from home tomorrow, so it's not too bad. Not fair though, I wanna keep talking." You admit quietly. It's too much too soon, but you're overwhelmed, the tide of your emotions crashing over the edges.

"Tell yer what. Next time we call, we can try leaving it on while we sleep."

Your heart flips, as you almost whimper at how cute the gesture is. "Are you trying to make me fall in love with you?"

"Obviously." There's that gorgeous laugh again. "Is it working?" 

"Just a little, but that might be the lack of sleep talking, I might be going slightly insane." 

Johnny sighs, and it's clear he's battling to keep a handle on his self-control. "Rest, bonnie, I won't be able to work knowing you're not sleepin'" 

You sigh too, accepting your fate. "Okay, just for you." 

"Just want what's best for you, you need your sleep."  

Your head spins at how utterly sincere he sounds—the care in his voice after such a short amount of time serves to drive you even deeper into this infatuation. "Already?" 

"Can't turn it off, am just protective by nature, bonnie. If you were my girl, you'd have a bedtime." 

And that makes your cunt clench and your heart soar. "Johnny..." You whine.

"Yeah?" 

You hesitate to say what you want to say next, but everything within you is calling out for him, desperate to be in his arms. "Don't make me wait too long to meet you, please." 

His laughter is sweet, conveying a sense of understanding more than anything. "I'll try ma best, supposed to be off on Friday." 

"5 whole days."

"Sure you don't wanna wait a bit longer?" 

You shake your head, mumbling a sound to convey your feelings. "Feels right, don't know how to describe it... do you feel it too?" 

Johnny takes a deep breath, his voice shaking slightly as he speaks. "I do, lass." 

"Good." You couldn't even attempt to fight the idiotic grin on your face, or how warm you feel inside and out. "I'll get some sleep, talk soon." 

"Goodnight, bonnie. Sweet dreams."  

You wait for Johnny to end the call, not wanting to push the button yourself and have his presence fade away. When your screen dims, you resist the urge to text him more, opting instead to put your phone on charge and roll over to Barnaby—wishing it was Johnny instead. 

[saetoshi]

itoshi sae does not exaggerate. he finds the whole idea of making a big deal out of nothing to be repulsive.

still, he swears that he feels physically ill whenever you’re not around.

(it’s the first reason of many he’ll ever give you when you tell him you have to leave for more than a day.)

“my head hurts.”

you don’t even look at him.

he frowns, “my head hurts a lot.”

“that’s too bad,” you say absentmindedly, “you should take some medicine for that.”

“i already did.” (he did not.) “it didn’t do anything.” (because he doesn’t need it.)

his frowns deepens when he notices you’re still focused on packing your things in a duffel bag. (his duffel bag. the one he was sure he’d hidden from you. the one you weren’t supposed to find.)

he calls out your name. his expression softens when you look at him.

“my stomach hurts.”

his lips quirk up just a tiny bit when you give him an annoyed look.

“sae.”

“my stomach really hurts.” he whines, slumping against the bed. a smile spreads through his lips when you cross your arms.

“you should take some medicine for that,” you frown, “even if you are sick, i have to go to this field trip.”

he takes out one of your shirts from the duffel bag, “says who?”

“my teacher.” you pry it off his hands, “my grade.”

you stick your tongue out at him, stuffing your shirt back into the bag, “my conscience.”

“but you’ll be gone for too long,” he sighs dramatically.

“it’s literally just two days.” you deadpan.

“like i said,” he pouts, “too long.”

you sigh, moving to sit down on the bed, “i’ll bring you a souvenir.”

a smile tugs at your lips when he perks up. you reach out to run your hand through his hair.

sae leans into your touch, “i’d rather have you stay than have a stupid souvenir.”

you hum, “wanna know a secret?”

he nods, curiosity swimming in his eyes. a small smile blooms on his lips.

“i kinda really don’t wanna go.” you mumble.

“just stay, then.” he tugs you closer to him.

you sigh, slumping against him. “i can’t. it’s worth a chunk of my grade.”

sae frowns, flicking your forehead, “just say you had a family emergency.”

“i said that last time.” you click your tongue. “i don’t think my teacher would believe that again.”

an amused laugh leaves his lips. “say you’re sick, then.”

“don’t tell me what to do,” you tease, “besides i may or may not have already told my teacher i’d go.”

sae sits up, a look of disbelief on his face, “you what?”

“i already said i’d go,” you sheepishly smile at him.

sae flops back onto the bed, brows furrowed and pouting, “why didn’t you tell me?”

“you would’ve insisted you were sick to stop me from going,” you lean over him. “like you were doing a while ago.”

he looks away from you, flushing. “i don’t know what you mean.”

you smile, poking his nose, “i’m sure you don’t.”

he bites back a smile when you press a quick peck on his cheek.

“but if you were feeling sick, i know you’d go take some medicine instead of exaggerating just to get me to stay.”

he pouts. your smile widens. he tugs you down towards him, “you suck.”

“yeah, yeah, whatever,” you laugh.

you lay on his chest for a while, sae’s arms snug around you. he rests his cheek on top of your head.

“do you really have to go?”

“‘m afraid so,” you sigh, nuzzling into him. “i promise i’ll text you whenever i can.”

“you better,” he smiles, “you also have to call me.”

“i promise i will.” you laugh.

you squeak when he squeezes you, laughter leaving his lips.

“sae.” you mumble.

“yeah?”

you lift yourself off his chest, looking at him. “i have to finish packing.”

he groans, “finish later. you should nap with me instead.”

you playfully stick your tongue out at him. “you and i both know if i take a nap with you i’m never going to finish packing.”

he shrugs, sighing, “it was worth a shot.”

you sit up, brows raising in surprise when sae sits up after you.

“just because i’m not gonna nap doesn’t mean you can’t,” you tilt your head to the side.

sae stretches his arms up, yawning, “if i help you pack, you’ll take a nap with me sooner.”

he gingerly cups your cheeks, pulling you in for a kiss. he hums against your lips.

“besides,” he pulls away, smiling, “if i help you pack, you’ll have to bring me back a souvenir as a reward.”

you laugh, “if you say so.”

sae’s not much help with packing. he just unceremoniously stuffs your remaining clothes into the duffel bag, scoffing when you tell him he’s doing it wrong.

(still, you bring him back a souvenir when you come home from your trip. as a way to both thank him for helping you pack, and as an apology because you’ll have to go on another trip soon.)

[obesogen]

You introduce yourself to someone

"Hi, so-and-so, I'm ..." and you think that you say your name,

but your plump hands, slightly sweaty,

and your swollen forearms, encroaching on small wrists,

your upper arms role-poly like the Michelin man,

and your wide, sloppy, drooping gut,

which is in theory fully covered by a shirt

barely tho;

your deep, wide belly button visible through thin fabric, stretched taut, 12x getting too small,

and let's not forget your double chin,

your soft pillowy neck roll,

your dewlap, a perfectly closed collar of squishy fat that

your tiny features sink into–

these things say

hi so-and-so,

i'm super obese, morbidly obese, obese class III,

i'm permanently disabled by how fat i have become

i'm the fattest person you have ever had to speak to

i'm the fattest person you have ever seen in person

and not on the tv freak show

hi so and so, i'm severely mentally ill

hi so and so, i'm traumatized

hi so and so, i am addicted to food

hi so and so, i have no impulse control

hi so and so, i'm ... what's your name again?

you are no one, nothing,

all you are and all you can ever be is gloriously obese beyond the frenzied imaginings of our starving ancestors who carved the venus of willendorf

you are stuffed to the point of near-bursting; even the backs of your neck rolls are frosted with stretch marks. the body always finds somewhere to store fat, and with all the usual spots so filled to the brim, you notice eventually even your forehead is fat; a deposit of soft tissue that furrows above your brows, like a sharpei.

Not long after you got a second mobility aid for out in public, a powerchair with a capaciity of 1100 pounds and hydraulic suspension and tread on its 8 tires like a tank, you started using your old one around the house, always on the verge of breaking down under the additional 200 pounds you carry beyond its rated 500 pound capacity. Not long after, unthinkingly, you just stopped walking, out of sheer bone-idleness. You couldn't say when your last day on your feet was, you surrendered sooner than that day came, comfortably dependent.

Months later, you dimly attempt to recall when you last moved, standing, from one point in space to another. Until the last month, you could still, barely, haul yourself up using a bar to support and balance yourself. From being pushed up out of your powerchair with a forward lift, to the belly gathering momentum and sliding down, to you standing shakily and taking one shuffling step to reposition your body so you can transfer from one big chair to another big chair, and from one big chair to the big motorized bariatric hospital bed.

Now, just 20 pounds later, you can't move your blob body hardly at all below your greedy mouth with its greasy, parted, mouthbreathing lips and beyond your wriggling sausage link fingers. You cannot move any other part of your body without needing help. You are not to your knowledge paralyzed really in any way, you just shamelessly became too fat to lift your own arms, you press a button on a remote that must be attached to your fat hand since if you drop it you couldn't even retrieve it with a string, you are just that weak– so thoroughly inhabiting how obese you are through the total abdication of all decisions.

Once the support bar began to gather dust and was eventually packed away- you become adjusted to transfering from place to place using motorized cranes and winches, your fat slab form filling huge slings with tough straps, prone and helpless, drowning beneath countless rolls, lovingly oiled machinery creaking as it hefts your megafat body.

Your muscles are so weak and your limbs are so heavy. You still have the urge to to struggle and sweat to lift another treat to your bottomless pit of a stomach. You are estimated to be able to hold several gallons in there before feeling sick from fullness.

Most days you simply lie expectantly and grunt with your mouth open, eating everything you are given by any of your staff or acolytes, and sucking melted ice cream sludge from one tube, or chugging diet coke or (regular) mountain dew from 2 different (fountain) tubes.

Turns out there's more than irony to research suggesting artificial sweeteners like aspartame provoke intense cravings for actual sugar.

You are fat beyond reason. Only the most depraved massive, disabling, immobilizing obesity fetishists could find your tremendous doughy body, with a belly so outsized you must be buckled into powerchairs and scooters and even the shower chair. If you don't endure the humiliation of being buckled into the modern day litter which drags your fat around, your unwieldy pannus threatens to upset your vehicle, tipping you forward and pulling you down– you know you would be left on the floor gasping, unable to even sit up, defenseless, amorphous.

And besides,

you forgot your name anyway

years ago,

dont you remember? my

pitiful

swollen

hog.

[so-long-soldier-writes]

Gemini Coven Better Watch Out

kai parker x reader | requested

summary: kai comes back from his sister's with new magic and a new mission

tags: rough kissing, neck kissing, dirty talk, breeding kink, unsafe sex, biting

word count: 2.1k

a/n: biggest apologies for the time it took to fill this!! also, i realize now, i could've done this in headcanon format and probably had it out sooner, but ngl i've kinda wanted to use the scene post-kai taking jo's magic in a work anyway, so it works out lol

Kai comes back from his sister’s with a newfound energy. The recently-merged siphon witch had been feeling ill the last twelve hours, and after wondering what it could be to make him so sick, he decided to seek her advice. Despite hating him for all he’s done, Jo’s still a doctor, and she’s probably the only one that could have any clue how to help him. So Kai went alone, not wanting to freak out Ric with the both of you there, and hoped his sister would take pity on his weakened state.

He barely gets through the doorway before grabbing your shoulders and kissing you passionately. He backs you up to the nearest wall. You can feel his dimples against your skin as he smiles. 

Kai feels healthy again. His strength has obviously returned, and he’s no longer sweating nor coughing up blood. Three different energies seem to swirl about in his blood. You can sense them, a witch yourself, and if he were to siphon you, you bet you’d get dizzy fast. 

His hands explore your body. Fingertips trail down your figure, until determined palms grip your waist. He kisses down your neck, kisses getting sloppier as his lips travel south. For a moment, he pauses, panting against your skin. You giggle, threading your hands through his hair, and take your opportunity to talk. 

“What’s all this for? Feeling better?”

He presses another kiss to your collarbone. “Much.”

“Good. What worked?”

“I needed Jo’s magic for the merge to work properly. Luke as a substitute made me the leader, but it didn’t give me the strength I needed because he wasn’t my twin.”

“She gave it to you?”

“With some convincing. But if she didn’t, I would’ve died, causing the death of the rest of our dumb coven, and all the prison worlds would have collapsed, leading to who knows what kind of destruction. That seemed to convince her.”

“Well, good. Because I can’t have you dying on me. I love you too much for you to leave me.”

He smiles, then kisses again. His teeth lightly graze your neck, and you drop your hands from his hair to his own neck in surprise. 

Kai’s always spurred on by those words, but today, they seem to set a fire in him more than ever. He teases the skin beneath your shirt as he pulls at the fabric. His lips reattach to your neck, kissing and nipping along it as if it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. When you put a hand to his chest, his heart is racing. 

You’re not sure what’s gotten him in such a mood at three in the afternoon, but the more heated he gets, the more you start to burn between your legs. You start to clench them together, fighting the feeling, but he notices quickly with a tsk of the tongue. 

“Ah, ah, ah,” he clicks, then picks you up and tosses you gently onto the couch. 

Kai climbs on top of you as you start to laugh and writhe on the soft material. He’s like an animal that’s captured its prey, but wants to tease it first. A dark look takes over his eyes, contradicting the smile that still rests on his face. His clothed hard makes contact with your bare leg, making you gulp. One look down reveals the wet spot forming under your skirt. He pets it gently, eliciting a moan from you.

He kisses your knee before moving his lips down your inner thigh. Excitement grows, however, so does curiosity. You want him, but you want answers first. Specifically, what happened at his sister’s that’s gotten him so turned on? Is it the volume of magic in his blood? The overwhelming power? Or is it a degradation from her mouth? His need to prove himself in spite of her words?

You open your mouth to ask, but his eyes meet yours as soon as you do. His dark look waivers your confidence. His fingers dig underneath your panties, stimulating your clit with ease. Your breath catches, causing you to squeal. A shiver runs through your body. He positions himself to kiss your lips at the same time he’s touching you. 

Question temporarily forgotten, you capture his face in his hands to kiss him back. He’s rough, still, pulling your bottom lip with his teeth and clutching your side between his nails, but remains gentle on your most sensitive tissue. Kai pries your legs open wider with his own. His hard is desperate against the rough material of his jeans. He rubs it along your leg every time he drops his lips back down to your neck, then up to your face again. The friction gets him panting and you hungry. You ache with a need for him to fill you. His teasing is too much, heating up your body, but neglecting where you need him most. 

“Kai,” you whimper, giving into the need. You can get him to do almost anything you want when you say his name with that tone. The touch-starved man turns to butter for you.

“What’s it, baby? Whatcha need?”

“Need you. Need your-” you reach for him, but your finger tips only graze his stomach. The space between your bodies is closing in as he starts to grind more on your leg. 

“Need me, hm?” He whispers it into your neck, causing another shiver. “Where do you need me?” The two fingers on your clit slip between your folds. You bite your lip and grab at his waist for support. “Need me here?”

As good as it feels, it’s not enough. You whine, squeezing your walls together against his fingers. He gets the hint, but teases you further anyway. 

“No? What about here?” He pushes a little deeper. A bit of smirk graces his face and you resist the urge to brazenly spit up at him. “Not there either?” He clicks his tongue once, as if stumped on where you need him. 

“Kai,” you try again. Your body sweats as you near your high. His name comes out mangled and weak. 

“Ah, I know now. You need my cock, is that right?” Your heart skips a beat at the vulgar term falling from his lips. “That’s it. You want me to fill you up completely. You need me pressed up close as I thrust into you, hm?” You whine more. He removes his fingers from your heat to rub on your clit again. “You want me to make you come, so that I glide so easily in and out of you? So that I can fit you so tightly, you can’t even remember your name?” He licks a stripe up your neck, then nips at your earlobe. “I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you.” Kai pauses, pulling your skirt and panties down to your ankles, then immediately removing his own clothes, too. He holds himself in one hand while using the other to bring you back to the edge. You squeeze your eyes shut, pleasure overwhelming your body. “That’s it, c’mon. You’re doing so well. So close.”

“Kai,” you mutter, feeling him on your leg again. You clench around his fingers, but he lets you this time. Curse words spill from your lips as you reach your high. His name slips in between the strings of profanities, making his heart race a little more each time. He can’t wait to be inside you and fill you up the minute you’re ready. 

“You okay?”

“Mhm.”

“Need a moment?”

“No. I need you.”

He smirks, then positions himself in front of you, teasing your folds with his tip. “That’s my girl.” Kai leans forward to distract you with a kiss as he pushes into you. You moan into his mouth at the feeling, but there’s no pain. He made sure you’d be wet enough, and now, he can be sure you’re comfortable as he has his way with you. “Good?”

 “Yeah.” After a couple starter thrusts, you hook your legs around his waist. “Harder.”

He adjusts just slightly for a deeper angle. “I’ve got you, baby. I’ll fuck you so well your legs will be shaking, how’s that sound?” You giggle with excitement. “Mhm. I’m gonna fill you up, and you’re gonna feel so good. You’ll be dripping by the time I’m done with you. You’d look so beautiful all full and round, and everyone will know what happened and who got you knocked up. You’d be such a good mommy.” Kai pauses, sweat beading on his forehead. You’re not sure what is causing the sudden baby-talk, but you can’t describe the mixed emotions it makes you feel. His tone is full of excitement. His praise makes you feel rich. 

“Kai,” you whine, unsure what to say. 

His focus, though, is clearly elsewhere. “I’m gonna give you a baby, hm? I’m gonna fuck you so well. Fill you up, and stay inside until you’re good and bred, and not gonna pull out til I’m sure it took. How’s that sound?”

You open your mouth to respond, but a deep thrust makes you moan instead. He smiles, entering a pace that suits you both. 

“That’s it, baby. Let go.” His hands hold you still as he buries himself inside your heat. Praises and profanities leave his lips, but your mind is too fuzzy for you to pick them up. You’re close to your high and he knows it, watching the way your breathing gets heavy and your body clenches harder. “C’mon,” he urges, nipping your shoulder again. 

Kai’s vocal and rough most of the time, but never in this way. But ironically, you were just thinking about it’d be like to have a baby with him. You think he’d be a good dad, despite his past; he’d make sure his kid never suffered the way he did. 

“I’m close,” you mutter, spurring him on.

“I know, c’mon. I’m almost there, too.”

A sudden feeling of warmth shoots through your body. A fullness you’ve never felt before. Kai pants against your skin after his own release, but doesn’t slow down until you reach yours. You do, a second later, from the heavenly feeling of his seed inside you. He doesn’t pull out, plugging you up as promised, and revels in the sensation.

For a moment, you stay like that, with his body atop yours and his face buried in your neck. But then you dig your hands in his hair and pull him up to face you. His cheeks are dark red, and a smile brings out his dimples. You bring him in for a kiss, to which he complies, kissing you much more softly than earlier. When you break it off, he rises, sitting up on his knees.

You follow the action, resting your weight on your elbows. You’re still connected, but a little has leaked out from the movement. You watch it, then cock your head at him.

“So what brought this on, huh?”

“Was it too much?” A look of worry overtakes his face, but you reassure him with a shake of your head.

“No, just unexpected. I didn’t know you had that in you. What caused it?”

He hesitates, but then admits what truth he had learned only an hour prior. “Jo’s pregnant.”

You blink in surprise. “What?”

“When she gave me her magic, I could feel it.”

“And that has to do with this… how?”

Upon sensing the new life in his sister’s womb, something spurred within him. Whether it was a need to compete with her - to be the one to produce the coven’s next set of twins - or to prove that he is just as capable of creating and raising a baby, he has no idea. But that moment of realization brought an urge to him immediately. The need to breed you, to make you full, but also, to bring something as definite and permanent into your lives as a baby, to show everyone how much he loves you, that he is capable of love and willing to change. 

A thousand reasons flood his mind, but he isn’t sure how to word any of them. Emotions are still so new to him, it’s a mystery thinking about which ones are appropriate for which situations. 

“I don’t know,” he finally says. 

You understand. Even if he has some idea, he’s clearly not ready to try and explain it. Sometimes, it takes time, but he always reopens the conversation later, when he’s more apt to talk about it. He’s getting much better, the closer you grow. 

“Huh,” you shrug.

He smiles, full of relief. “Huh.”

[irisintheafterglow]

OKAY A FELLOW SWIFTY I SEE

Okay here me out I need to express this with another SWIFTY

ALL THE GIRLS YOU LOVED BEFORE IS SO GOJO X READER CODED!!

Gege confirmed gojo was canon a player right??

He’s all about fuckboy life but THEN then he meets you and is so inlove he becomes so domestic and just <333

I NEEDED TO SHARE THIS WITH ANOTHER SWOFTY FOR YEARS OKAY THANKS BYE

every dead end street led you straight to me

wc: 2.1k

cw/tags: established relationship, first meeting, creepy guy at a club but he doesn't get very far because of unofficial bodyguard™ satoru, mostly just fluff and taylor references, little fun surprise at the very end in case it wasn't tooth-rotting enough

note: hi anon!!! first off, i'm so sorry this took so long to complete; i literally love aotgylb and so i was a little stumped for how to write this because it's just,,,,so him. i love him. i love taylor. i hope you love this lol. enjoy!!!

likes, reblogs, and replies are appreciated!

“I really wish I found you sooner.”

“How so?”

“I wouldn’t have needed all that dumb shit with other girls if I knew you were waiting for me. All the lame fights, feeling alone even when I wake up next to someone. That dumb shit.”

“Who said I wasn’t doing dumb shit too?” You look at him with a sleepy smile, warm despite the biting chill of the early morning air. "You couldn't fathom how many boys I was crying in the bathroom about."

"Do you remember their names?"

"Of course not." While you press against the personal heater that is your boyfriend, the long-awaited sunlight starts to touch the very tips of the mountains before you. “You remember my first boyfriend, don’t you?”

“Mmm, yeah. The one from Kyoto that dropped out ‘cause he couldn’t stand being weaker than his partner,” he recalls. “He’s also the ugliest of your exes; it’s hard to forget him when I almost exorcized him before I met you.” You burst out laughing at the memory and a puff of your breath appears in front of your face. Satoru follows suit, exhaling a long breath and making boyish dragon noises. “See, aren’t I so much better?”

“Yes love, no one can compete with your dragon impressions,” you tease. With a shiver, you wrap your coat tighter around your body. “I won’t lie, though. My ass is freezing.”

“I was just about to say that,” he agrees, shifting uncomfortably on the stone bench. Even with the several layers of thermal long sleeves, jackets, and gloves, the winter weather seemed adamant on giving you frostbite. “Remind me to never suggest a sunrise hike ever again.” 

“But isn’t it romantic? Freezing our asses off and shit-talking our exes?” 

“I would not enjoy this if I was with anyone else,” he concludes. “That’s all I’ll say about that.”

“Fine, then go back to that other thing, the one about finding me sooner.” 

“Oh, that?” He pauses for a moment, jutting his lips to the side in deep thought. Spots of gold start to catch on his bright white hair, strikingly similar to the snow crunching under your boots. “I was just thinking how much time I wouldn’t have wasted if I simply found you sooner.”

“What do you mean, ‘found me?’” 

“I was searching for someone, you know, and I didn’t know what I wanted until I met you.” The corner of his mouth quirks as a memory pops into his mind. “Even though you hated me.”

“I did not hate you,” you argue in vain since you did, in fact, hate him when you first met him. In need of a new partner after your boyfriend (the ugly one, Satoru notes) fell ill the night before a mission, you considered feigning sickness yourself when you saw who the higher ups assigned. It was easier, logistically, to slap on the most powerful asset they had on a mission where a sorcerer dropped out, but it didn’t make him any less annoying when he picked you up at the airport. It was before the days of his current blindfold, when he wrapped strips of white linen over his eyes during the times he opted for no sunglasses. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t unnerve you, the way he navigated through the airport crowds as if his vision wasn’t impeded in the slightest. The aura that he emanated was intimidating and one of sheer power, but the goofy smile and melodic voice contradicted any assumptions you made about the strongest being alive. 

“Gojo Satoru?”

“That’s me. I like it when you say my name,” he drawls and you make a quiet gagging noise in your throat. 

“Please don’t ever say that again,” you say, walking in a random direction where you hope the driver is parked. To your embarrassment, you turn around to see him standing in the same spot, a smug grin on his face and a thumb pointing in the opposite direction. “I thought I read the lot was this way,” you mutter in irritation while he falls into step next to you. 

“Oh, it was,” he affirms and you stop mid-stride. The shit-eating expression on his face only grows wider when he senses your increasing annoyance. “But there’s a dango stand over here and you look like you could use a snack.” He was right, of course, but you didn’t admit it until much later in your relationship. The first twelve hours with him were painfully awkward, to say the least. You shoved dango in your mouth to avoid answering any questions about yourself and stared out the dark window of the car while he snuck glances at you in the backseat. After dropping your stuff at the hotel and slipping into nicer clothes, you walk out onto the crowded street to find Satoru waiting in a sleek-looking suit that would have the girls back home fainting on the spot. He opens the door with a flirty remark that you immediately tune out and you recheck the Cursed Tools in your clutch while he slides into the seat beside you. 

“You know your role?” 

“I’m a wealthy businessman gunning for the weapon with the blue handle,” he states confidently.

“Green handle, not blue.”

“What’s the difference?”

“One of them has an eons-old Curse stuffed into its hilt…and the other is blue.” He makes a small noise of amusement in his throat and you feel yourself relax a little bit more. “I’ll camp out at the bar and wait for the owner to make a move. Apparently, he’s the type to bite pretty easily if he sees something good-looking and alone. When he’s distracted, you grab the weapon. Got it?”

“Clear as crystal,” he says, swiping his tongue over his top lip absentmindedly. A serious look washes over his face, something in his head making his eyebrows draw together. “What if the guy starts getting handsy with you?”

“I’ll…handle it,” you reply slowly, slightly confused as to why he cares. “Just get the weapon, Gojo. You can stall or kill time however you want before that, but we don’t have the luxury of being able to make a mess.”

“Easier said than done,” he says quietly, “So, no promises.” 

It turned out that making messes was simply a part of Satoru’s daily routine. Perched on a bar stool and barely nursing a weak drink, you clearly saw what his idea of killing time was. Lean arms stretched over the back of an overstuffed corner booth in a corner of the club, pulling several nice-looking women into his side while they giggled in his lap. He’d swapped the strips of linen for an expensive pair of sunglasses and he peered over the rim at regular intervals to keep an eye on you. It made your heart pang just a little bit, seeing him easily attract girls to him like a magnet in a paper clip factory. There was no doubt that Gojo Satoru was attractive, yet every doubt existed in your mind as to whether you would ever have a chance with him. You didn’t mean to look so mopey and sad at the counter, but it seems to play to your advantage when the owner of the weapon creeps over with a sinister smile on his face. 

“Hello, dear,” he purrs and it takes all of your willpower not to slap him for looking at you like a pretty thing. “Nothing is sadder than a beauty at the bar, all alone.”

“And what were you going to do about it?” You drop the volume of your voice to an enticing volume, looking up at him through your eyelashes. 

“Inject a bit more excitement into your evening,” he replies daringly and the insinuation makes you nauseous. “That man, with the glasses? He broke your heart?” He leans on your shoulder and looks in the direction of your partner, the one who was supposed to be grabbing the weapon while you were busy being ogled by this narcissist. “You need to watch out for men like him, throwing around money and women like they’re of no value. Both have value. You have value.” Great, you groan in your head, he’s gross and a hypocrite, too.

“I wouldn’t say broke it,” you murmur mysteriously. “More like, doesn’t deserve it.”

“You’re feisty,” he observes. “I’m incredibly attracted to it.” Shit. On pure instinct, you feel your Cursed Energy flare up as his hand roams dangerously close to your thigh, sliding down your arm with a clammy palm. Despite not being a sorcerer, you know he feels the energy shift when his eyes dart up to yours not with lust, but suspicion. By some stupid twist of Fate, you’d blown your own cover. The weapon owner’s hand suddenly tightens around your wrist, chaining you to the bar counter. 

“Let go of me,” you order, completely rid of the stupidly airy voice and naive smiles. 

“What did you just–”

“My love, we’re leaving.” Elegant fingers effortlessly pry the man’s hand from your skin and toss them aside like garbage. You find your coat gently draped around your shoulders, and only then does he guide you up and away from the bar, with the weapon owner still gawking in his stool. Somewhere between your Cursed Energy flaring and the man grabbing your wrist, Satoru must have left his posse of gorgeous women to pull you out of your present situation. “Good?”

“Yeah,” you mutter, slightly embarrassed that he had to come in and save you. “Thanks for doing that, even though you had to leave your girlfriends.” 

“Of course. They never mean anything to me, nor do I mean anything to them,” he replies and it sounds genuine, without any sort of mockery or indication that he was holding it above your head. With one arm still wrapped around your shoulders, he calls the valet to retrieve the car and you find that you don’t mind him holding you close. “Nice play with the energy flare-up, by the way. That was really smart.”

“What do you mean?”

“Smoking out the weapon’s energy signature by making it butt against your own?” He shakes his head in disbelief, city lights catching in the lenses of his glasses. “Absolute genius.” 

“I…didn’t mean to do that,” you admit and he peers at you out of the corner of his vision. You didn’t know it yet, but to him, you looked prettier than any of the women he was surrounded by inside the club. “It was an accidental reflex when the guy went for my leg.”

“Want me to kill him?” You chuckle, but it dies away when you see the cold expression on his face, nothing like the playful and warm persona you’d just been speaking to. “Say the word and I’ll blow the place to pieces.”

“We’re not supposed to make a mess, remember?” 

“And I said no promises, remember?” He helps you into the passenger’s seat with a gentlemanly hand, shutting it after you before settling into the driver’s seat. “Either way, I got the weapon. It was in the guy’s pocket, not in the safe like we thought it would be. But, more importantly, you got out of that creep’s vicinity.” 

“I appreciate you looking out for me.”

“Anytime, pretty.”

“Don’t call me that,” you say firmly and he looks at you curiously. “What?”

“Why not?”

“I’m not interested in being your arm candy; I’m not that type of person.” He pauses for several long moments, stuck in deep thought.

“I didn’t realize I was the type of person to have arm candy,” he states quietly, like it was an epiphany as he pulled away from the club’s valet curb. 

“Something must be wrong with one of your Six Eyes, then, if you truly believe that,” you chuckle, trying to make the mood a little lighter. Yet, he’s still staring straight ahead with a frown on his face and a draw between his eyebrows. It was unsettling, to say the least. “Hey, I really didn’t mean any offense–”

“Let me try.”

“What?”

“Let me try,” he repeats with absolute determination. The streetlight casts his face in a dangerous shade of red.

“Try…what?” 

“To win you over. Teach you what forever feels like,” he answers and your head feels like it’s been submerged underwater, all noises suddenly becoming muddy and irrelevant. “Show you that I don’t think you’re just eye candy.” 

“What the hell are you playing at, Gojo?”

“I’m just tryin’ to show you that I’m not the playboy you have in your head,” he argues and it makes your cheeks heat. “Let me try. If I fail, I’ll go bald or something. Sorcerer's honor.” You burst out laughing, shaking your head in disbelief but feeling comfortable enough to take him up on the offer. Now, a few years and zero bald heads later, you were freezing your ass off with the man of your dreams on a mountain at six in the morning. 

Somehow, you both felt like you’d won the bet when he pulled out that box from his pocket and got down on one knee. 

if you enjoy my writing and would like to support me, you can buy me a coffee on my ko-fi! you can also check out my full masterlist here :)

[forbebeandjam]

Hey!

So how about some kind of fluff maybe also some angst with Bada who has a girlfriend who’s like really weak (maybe some chronic illness) and also has back problems that affect her daily life, but still decides to dance.

maybe that reader is practicing some dance and kind of like overworks her self and passes out in front of bada.

you can also add maybe Bada being a bit mad at reader for not listening to her body and stuff.

Thank you!

(you can ignore this if you don’t write this kind of stuff :p)

Secret Pain | Bada Lee x Reader | fluff, angst

Summary: You bite your suffering from your girlfriend to make things easier for her.

Word Count: 2k

A/N: I’m back!! I’m so happy to write again. Work has been killing me but I’m surviving. I’ll try to write more but for now I hope this isn’t too bad. Love you all🤍

~🤍~

"Five. Six. Seven. Eight!" you followed the dance count.  

It had been three years since you first started dating the wonderful dancer teaching the class. She was the definition of perfection to you. Tall, beautiful, kind, and funny. You loved taking her classes. 

The way the passion shined in her eyes was like medicine for you. A medicine no doctor could ever give you. You have been keeping this a secret from her as well. 

You were sick. You had a chronic bone illness that limited you to certain harsh activities like... dancing. Yeah, you hated it but then you met Bada. She made you want to dance. The fiery passion in her eyes would drive you crazy. 

At first, she was just a good friend, but you two started to notice that the feelings were more than just a friendship. Bada would always call you and ask you to go with her to the dance studio. 

You were there when she became a big choreographer, when she struggled with her confidence, and even when she bought her first studio. Every day she would remind you of how special you were to her.  And she was special to you as well but you decided that there was no reason to tell her about your illness. 

"You did really good, baby! You're getting better each day," she said as she wrapped her arms around you and kissed your cheek. 

"Thank you," you said as you tried to catch your breath. 

"Are you okay? You are way more out of breath than normal," she asked as she took a look at you face. You tried to look away. 

"yeah, I think I'm catching a cold. My body hurts," You said. And it wasn't a lie. Your bones were aching. You wanted to go home to your secret medicine stash and make the pain go away. 

"Oh, we should go home then. Girls, I'm leaving early today. See you tomorrow, okay?" she said to her teammates. They all waved goodbye and you both headed to your shared home. 

"Babe, I'm gonna make some soup and tea for you," she said as soon as you walked through the door. 

"Sounds good. I'm gonna go take some medicine for the cold," you announced and headed to the room. You took your indicated medicine and sighed. You were sprawled on the bed waiting for the medicine to kick in but the pain was almost unbearable. 

At that moment, you realized you might have to tell Bada sooner or later about this. You didn't want to scare her or leave her at any student moment without her knowing. You closed your eyes and tried to calm your body. That's when a plan came into your head.

You stood up and walked towards the kitchen. The aura was cozy. The house smelled like fresh eucalyptus and peppermint. The lights in the living room were slightly dimmed and there was candles lit in the center of the coffee table. 

She was dipping the tea bag into the mug with steaming water as you walked to her. She flashed you a soft smile but it faded when she saw your face. 

"Baby, your face is pale. Are you sure you're feeling okay?" she asked and you nodded with a sigh. 

"I am simply tired. I'm sure if I eat and rest I will be fine," you said and she agreed. 

You sipped on your tea while she placed a bowl of warm soup in front of you and sat down. 

"You're not eating?" you asked and she shook her head. 

"I already had a bite when you were in the room and I want you to eat. I like watching you," she said. You giggled and started to cool down the soup on the soop before directing it to your mouth. 

"I wanted to suggest something," you said and she gave you that warm smile as she widened her eyes in excitement. 

You loved talking to her. To Bada, your voice was like the most satisfying thing. She could hear you talk for hours without saying a word. She would just look at you with those enchanting eyes and a dumish smile. 

"So, I know you've been crazy busy with work and everything else. We barely have time for a real date so I was thinking that you and I could go on a date tomorrow. We spend the morning going to our favorite places and just having fun. Then we can go to dance classes and and the day with a romantic dinner," you said as you pushed the soup to the side. You'd tell her about your illness during the dinner.

Her eyes lit up in excitement and you could feel yourself fall her all over again. She was more comforting than the smell of freshly brewed coffee in the morning. More loving than the sweet harmony of a love song. 

"That is a great idea, love. I'll make a reservation in our favorite restaurant. Why don't you go to rest?" She said and you nodded. You were urged to take a warm shower and get under the covers so you did. 

As you lay in bed, millions of thoughts circle your mind. You didn't even notice Bada enter the room, shower, and dry her hair. That was until she wrapped her arms around your torso pulling you into her warm embrace. 

"Sleep well, baby," she whispered into your ear. You smiled and let her warmth wrap you as you drifted off to sleep. 

-

The following morning you work up earlier than Bada. You took your meds and got ready for the day. She woke up right after you and changed into her clothes. Her outfit consisted of a pair of flowy pants and a cropped tank top. 

She wrapped her air into a bun and added a cap. She tied her sweater around her waist and added jewelry to finish her look. 

You put on your acid-washed jeans, a tank top, and a large pink zip-up hoodie. As you were both walking out of the house, she gave you a peck on the lips, knowing that she couldn't show that kind of affection in the streets of Seoul. 

You smiled and hugged her tightly. You two started going to her car and drove to a breakfast place. She ordered breakfast and then drove to the park from your first date. You two ate breakfast, took a walk, and played around on the slides and swings. 

Then, you went to the movies and watched your favorite rom-com. The day was filled with your laughs and giggles. Bada adored your smile. She said if she could fame it on every frame of the house she would. 

Lastly, you went to grab a bite before dance classes. You felt a bit tired and had a small headache. You saw Bada placing the order and she turned to you to flash you a small eyesmile. Your heart felt warm but the sudden action but then you remembered. 

Bada would have to live without you one day. One day not too far since you couldn't seem to care for your body. You started to tear up and bit your lip. A sad mood took over you and you started to forget how to breathe. You looked around and saw Bada rushing to you. 

"Y/N, what's wrong?" she said as she cupped your face. 

"Oh, no... it's nothing. I'm sorry. I was thinking about something sad," you said as you wiped your tears and smiled. 

"Are you sure?" she asked and you nodded. She walked back to the cashier and paid for the food. 

She didn't ask any further questions when you became the same bubbly person you always were. 

So you went to dance classes. By this time you felt completely exhausted but you brushed it off, knowing that you would get to go to a romantic dinner with your favorite person after all. you removed your hoodie and tried to warm up but your bones could not resist the pain. 

You sighed and stepped at the back. Bada's eyes seemed to be glued on you and you just flashed her a smile. She started teaching the routine and you followed it to the best of your ability. The class was almost over and by this time, your breathing was more hitched. 

You rested your hands on your knees and tried to breathe. The pain was killing you but you didn't want to cut your evening short. You thought you could resist but when you got back up, your vision became blurry and your body abruptly hit the floor. 

-

As your vision adjusted to the light in the room, you could hear a steady beep. 

'Not the hospital again,' you thought. 

You opened your eyes to find Bada holding your hand with a worried expression. Your eyes watered when you saw her and she shook her head. 

"It's okay. Please don't cry. It will all be alright," you said as you sat up. and kissed her hand. 

She nodded. The doctor came into the room. 

"I gave you stronger medicine but... you need to take better care, okay? You know this will get worse over time if you aren't doing what you're supposed to and taking your medicine at the right hours. I gave you some exercises you can do and your limitations," he handed you the sheet and you nodded. 

"Now, as for restrictions. Only one thirty minutes to an hour of dancing and no harsh workouts. You can go out for walks, not runs. Try to eat lots of green and bone broth. It's all in there. We want you to get better. You can get better but you need to follow my instructions. You can go now," The doctor said. You nodded and he left the room. 

Bada was sitting in the chair looking away. You could see a mixture of sadness and anger in her face. You felt bad for hiding this from her so you took her hand in yours and she turned to look at you. 

"What's going on, Y/N?" she asked with a broken voice. 

Your heart almost broke when you realized how much pain she was currently in. The amount of pain you caused her. Your eyes teared up to see her watery eyes. You had made her worry countless times before and you regretted everything. 

"I am sick. My bones are weak and I take medication. I have restrictions and such but I never follow them. Many doctors told me that there was no cure and that I should just enjoy my life to the fullest so I tried to but it was hard," you paused feeling your throat close up. 

"That was until I met you.  You looked as beautiful as ever. You were sweet and passionate about everything you did and, how could I not love you? I tried to push you away many times for fear that I might end up hurting you. All I wanted to do was spend my last days with you since I have no one else to live for. I love you. I am so sorry," you said as she wiped her tears away. 

"Please promise me that you will never hide things away from me. I want to be part of every single thing in your life. I want to care for you and cheer you up when you need it," she said. 

"But..." You were about to protest when she kissed your lips. 

"Promise me, please?" she said. You were so confused and your head was in the clouds due to that kiss that all you could do was nod with a shy smile. 

From that day on, Bada made sure to always take care of you. She limited your dance time but still made sure you had an amazing time while you were at the studio. She helped you with your workouts, made your favorite foods, and always ensured you had a shoulder to cry on. She made sure you were never, ever alone.

Thank you for reading🩵

[starboye]

pairing: harry styles x male reader

request: would you be willing to write a Harry styles x male reader where they have an argument while Harry’s on tour and when Harry gets home they have steamy makeup sex?

warnings: smut, a lil fluff, tiny angst

"well when are you gonna be home" you ask pinching the bridge of your nose "in a couple of days" harry says through the overwhelming noise of the music in the background "you said you'd be back today" you says annoyed "yeah well something came up" he shrugs "and what was that something harry" you say "another tour" he says "you said you were done after this tour now you're doing another one" you say obviously mad.

"well its just this one last time then im done for good and im coming home" harry reassures "you said that last month too" you say "im starting to think you don't even wanna be home" "never say that again of course i wanna be with you but circumstances just come up sometimes" harry sternly says "yeah whatever" you say before hanging up and throwing the phone on your bed.

it was a couple of days before harry ever got back from his tour and during that time he was blowing up you phone with messages and lots of calls wanting to reconcile this problem but you ignored them all not wanting to talk to the man because you know it will turn into an argument but when he did get back he immediately went to your house.

he opens the door with the key you gave him for emergencies "y/n" he calls out "harry" you ask walking out the bathroom, he runs to you and immediately pulls you into a deep kiss "im so sorry" he says in between kisses while you melt into each one "i shouldn't haven't chosen the tour over you" he says cupping your face with his hands before picking you up and carrying you to the bed.

"harry wait" you say before being cut off by harry taking your clothes off then doing the same, throwing them somewhere to the corner of the room "ill never ever do that to you again love" he says kissing down your body "harry you really don't have too" you say with a moan "i know but i want to" he replies sternly before leaving some hickeys on your neck while slightly nipping at it making you let out small whimper.

harry leans up and lubes his dick up with his spit "you want this" he ask slapping his cock against your hole "mhm" you whimper "please use your worlds darling" he says "yes please" you moan out, harry smirks before slipping into with one quick move "you good"he asks letting you adjust to his size "y-yeah keep going" you say holding onto harry hand for comfort.

"im so so sorry for ignoring your want" harry says leaning down to sloppily kiss you, you wrap your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist as he pound into hard and soft simultaneously "i love you y/n" he sweetly whispers in your ear "i love your too" you says mixed with a moan.

"mine mine mine" harry huffs with each thrusts "always yours harry" you whine making him pound you harder than before, you feel your climax quickly approach "cum" is all you mange to let out past the slew of moans "you gonna cum" harry asks and all you can answer with is a nod "cum for me baby" harry whisper in your ear, with that you spurt out your cum all over your chest as some sticks to harrys.

"you want me in you darling" harry asks in between grunts "yes please" you whine tightly holding onto harry before he cums in you, you feel his dick twitch and spurt in you with every shot of cum before slipping out of you "im sorry for not coming home sooner" harry says pulling you into cuddle "and im sorry for not answering you calls it was a bitch thing to do" you apologize.

"we should was this off us" you say wiping the sweat from you face "yeah c'mon" harry grunts picking you up and carrying you to the tub before running the water and filling it up, he slips you in and sits down behind you he washes all the bodily fluids off you "i love you darling" he sweetly say kissing your head "i love you too harry" you say resting your head on his chest.

[wonxlvr]

High All The Time

you get me so high- the neighbourhood

— “your my best friend, ill love you forever.”

For @bywons ‘on ℴur 𝑙ove。✦ ’ event!! Go check out the other amazing writers :)

Pairing: stoner!heeseung x fem!reader || Word count: || 1K+ (1794) || Genre: LOTS of angst, fluff, second chance ||Warning: cursing, mentions of death, mentions of drug and drug usage, NOT PROOF CHECKED!

preview 🎬: The high school sweethearts, thats what you and heeseung were known for. Up until senior year when heeseung became a druggie, which took a toll on your relationship.

eve’s notes: STOP WHY DID IT TAKE SO LONG FOR ME TO MAKE THIS 😭 anyways its finally out so i hope yall enjoy 🙏 it feel like it couldve been better but its still pretty good IG…

You walked into school, usually with your boyfriend of 3 years but he ditched you to go smoking behind the school, yet again. You were wearing sweats and your Heeseung’s only good hoodie, the rest all reeked of substances and cigarette burns. You would’ve worn something more appealing, but you were too tired.

Heeseung used to be the sweetest boyfriend ever. You met him in your sophomore year through mutual friends and several classes you shared and instantly hit it off. Casual meet ups turned into dates, and on your 2nd date he asked you to be his girlfriend. To which you obviously said yes.

Up until senior year is when things fell apart, he hung out with a bad group of friends and ended up ditching you to go do drugs with them.

You never really had a problem with it until he missed almost every date because he was knocked out cold. You were deeply concerned for his health and well being, that being the core factor to all of your fights with him.

Heeseung came over to your place on the weekends, tripping over his own feet and smelled too strongly of weed.

“Babe, Again? I told you that you needed to stop” you said gently.

“Im sorry, i promise ill stop, baby.” He apologizes, slurring over his words. It was obvious he wasnt sincere with his words, but again, and again, like a fool, you fell for it every time. Thinking he would change.

As you walked hands in your pockets, pity stares were thrown your way but you tried not to mind it. You approached your locker and quickly got your stuff. You saw a glimpse of Heeseung and quickly stormed over to him.

“Baby, where have you been!?” You said in a huff. Heeseung covered his ears to show as if you were being too loud.

“Chill, i was just out back with chenle and the others. And stop yelling, you give me a headache.” Heeseung said as he held his hand up to his head.

You scoff to the side, “I thought you said you would quit?” You angered. Heeseung shrugged and walked pass you angering you more.

“Stop running from your problems!” You yelled from behind, he pretended not to hear you as he went to his friends.

Your eyes welled up with tears, but you blinked them away before anyone could see. You quickly walked to your next class half expecting heeseung to show up but as always, he never did.

You laid your head down and tried to nap. You were tired of him, tired of school, tired of everything. Luckily high school would be ending very soon, in less than a week.

Days pasted by faster than you expected, and graduation day came sooner than anticipated.

Heeseung agreed to have his focus solely on you on graduation day.

The night before the big day, heeseung came over and stayed with you the whole night. School had ended already and now the only event left was graduation day.

You both watched movies and ate snacks together. You were laying on heeseung and you felt his breaths get calmer and short sighs coming out every now and then. When you looked up, he was fast asleep and it was the cutest sight you have seen. You kissed his cupid bow shaped lips and you swore you’ve never felt more in love with someone in your life. Soon falling asleep on him.

Graduation day came and went, heeseung had suprised you with your favorite flowers and a beutiful necklace with an infinity sign to represent your relationship. You made a silent promise to never take it off, the necklace meaning a lot to you.

Hugs and pictures were exchanged throughout the day, the last day was overwhelming for almost everyone.

Jay announced a graduation party that night at his parents house since they would be gone for the week. Everyone was going so you thought why not go as-well.

That night, you did your hair pretty, did your makeup soft, and wore something simple as jeans and a black top.

You went with your friends and told heeseung to meet you at Jay’s place. You and your friends arrived a little later and you stayed with them for a bit until all of you heard yelling.

“y/n!” Jay called. You snapped your head to his direction with a questioning look.

“You need to come with me, your boyfriend is going crazy!” Jay exclaimed.

You got up from your sitting spot creating a domino effect and causing all of your friends to get up as well.

Jay signalled to follow him, and that you did like ducklings following their mother.

When you saw heeseung, he looked like he was on something and was yelling at someone.

“Heeseung!” You said, but your voice was drowned out from his yelling. You pushed yourself through the crowd until you were close enough to reach him.

Just as he raised his fist, you grabbed his hand and led him out the house.

When he saw you, his eyes softened and his demeanor shifted.

“Baby, what was that?” You questioned

“That guy was talking mad stuff you know i cant let that slide, love,” he spoke in a daze.

“Babe, what did you take” you said plugging your nose to stop the smell.

Heeseung shrugged and muttered something incoherent.

“What?” You asked

“Never mind.” He sighed

“No, tell me baby.”

“Just forget it!” He spoke louder.

“Tell me, what did you take?” You questioned inpatiently

“I said forget it, y/n!” He yelled in your face. You were taken aback from his outburst.

“Oh so its y/n now, huh?” You snapped.

“Look, just let it go” he scoffed.

“Hee, dont you get it? I care about you, just tell me!” You insisted.

“Fine, i just took a few tabs. You happy?” He mocked.

“tabs!? Heeseung what were you thinking! Thats dangerous, you could die!” You yelled.

“So what?” he said.

“so what!? Youre SERIOUSLY asking me that right now!? Heeseung, i love you too much to loose you. Please stop this addiction before it gets any worse.” You pleaded with him.

“I dont need you to dictate my life. Just stop telling me what to do!” He shot back.

You scoffed, “fine, you know what? I will. Heeseung, im breaking up with you.” You said, tears threatening to fall.

“What? Baby, you can be serious right now,” Heeseung argued.

“Dont call me that anymore, heeseung we are done. Dont even try to contact me.” You cried, tears already pouring down your checks.

“No please, y/n please! I cant go on without you in my life!” He begged.

“You said you dont need me, right? So theres that, now ill leave you alone.” You sobbed, you turned away as he tried to convince you to stay. you ran away from him wiping your tears with your wrist and quickly dialed your friends number with shaking hands.

“Y/n? Whats up?”

“Isa, i need you to come take me home right now,” you said in broken sentences.

You heard her cut the line of and within minutes she pulled up in front of you.

You got in the passengers seat as you cried uncontrollably. Isa tried to console you while still trying to keep her attention on the road. She drove you home and told you to call her whenever you need and drove away.

You ran to your bed to cry in your pillow. Your phone buzzed several times, all from heeseung. Hundreds of missed calls and hundreds more unread messages. You put your phone on silent as you cried loudly in your bed.

When you woke up, your pillow was still damp and it was bright outside. All of the event of that night came hurling to you like a bad dream, causing a major headache. You only wanted to crawl in your bed and never come out.

You checked you phone and under all the notifications from heeseung, was a miss call from jay. Confused, you decided to call him back.

“Hello?” You spoke in a rasp when he picked up.

“Y/N! I need you to come to the hospital, heeseung just got into a bad accident.” He said in a panic.

You didn’t believe it at first, you didnt want to believe it. But still you called up isa and told her to go to the hospital.

“What happened?” She asked while driving with speed but with efficiency.

“I broke up with him last night, and now jay told me he got into an accident. Now i feel like shit.” You said burying your head in your hands.

“Hey, hey, its not your fault okay? Me and the girls will always be here for you” she comforted.

“Thanks, isa. I love you guys so much,” you thanked.

“ No problem, now go get your man!” Isa said as she parked outside of the hospital doors.

You smiles and thanked her again before you dashed inside. You spotted Jay and ran up to him,

“Y/n! Heeseung got into a car accident last night, he is in that room but he’s unconscious right now, i thought you might wanted see him.” Jay said softly.

You nodded and went into the room jay pointed to. There you saw Heeseung on the bed, countless of machines and wires connected to his body. You held his unresponsive hand and broke down on your knees.

“Hee! Im so sorry, I shouldve never left you alone like that, i was too harsh. Please! Wake up, I cant imagine my life without you!” You sobbed, holding his hand to your forehead.

“Im sorry for being a bad girlfriend, im sorry for being a brat, im sorry for not looking after you more, im sorry for everything, im sorry i never said ‘i love you’ enough.” You said in broken sentences and several huffs of air.

“Please, heeseung. I love you so much,” you cried uncontrollably.

“I love you too, baby” the sudden voice scaring you

“Heeseung! Youre awake!” You hugged his neck close, never wanting to let go.

Once you backed up to give him space, he confessed to you

“Im sorry babe, its all MY fault. I shouldve stopped using substances a lot time ago. I was meant to be in the position, anyways.” He sighed

“Hey, its okay, but please promise me you wont ever touch a drug in your life again.” You pleaded.

Heeseung smiled softly up at you, “i promise, your my best friend ill love you forever.”

And with that, you passionately kissed him cause you were the only thing that could keep him high all the time.

TY FOR READING THIS FAR MAUHAH YAY LOVE YOU ALL ❤️

[chosos-mascara]

seven minutes

𝙡𝙚𝙫𝙞 𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙧𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙭 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 - levi hates you. but, after spin the bottle decides your fate, you make up and hatred turns to lust.

𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 - college party, alcohol (therefore dub-con), kinda enemies 2 lovers, mentions of cheating (petra to levi), i feel like i wrote him ooc soz, PiV, condom usage, some instruction?

3.7k words

"He's staring directly at you." Connie spoke, hushed voice close to your ear as his breath fanned over your cheek. Your eyes darted around the room, finally finding the narrow grey ones Connie had been referring to, aimed at you with a killer glare. Once making eye contact, he'd slowly looked away, scowl over his face as he'd watched Erwin speak hands gesturing as his friends had listened closely.

"Let me talk to him." Connie stood, but had been stopped by your hand reaching outward, fingers wrapping around his wrist. "Please, don't. Plus, it's his place - don't get us kicked out of the party." You'd begged him with your gaze, a small shake of the head. "Just ignore him, I'm fine." The persuasion had his figure relaxing, giving in and sitting back down on the battered three seater. Sasha threw an arm around him, sitting widely on the other side of him with drink in hand.

"We should play a game!" Sasha shouted in order for rest of the group to hear, Jean moving his chair closer, Eren, Mikasa and Armin leaning in. "How 'bout truth or dare?" Sasha had ended with a smile, the other members of the group instead groaning. "What?" Her question was lost in the chatter once more as those surrounding had lost interest. Connie had laughed at his friend, an eager girl who'd had a heart bigger than a brain - or perhaps, it had been her stomach.

"Why does Ackerman keep staring?" Jean's voice had pulled you from your focus on Connie and Sasha as he'd had his elbows to thighs, leaning forward.  "He thinks I had something to do with Petra cheating." You spoke as you'd swirled the drink around in the red solo cup, sighing before bringing it to lips. As you drank, you watched Jeans eyebrow furrow, thinking for a moment. He'd tried to connect the dots in his head, but couldn't. Once satisfied with the amount of liquor in your throat, you pulled the cup from your mouth and held it back down upon your lap, liquid now sufficiently lessened. 

"I was friends with Petra, back in freshman year. New to college, new to Germany as a whole - she was the student ambassador assigned to me. Brought me along to some parties, before I met you guys." As you'd explained, you'd looked through the corner of your vision to check what Levi had been doing. He'd stopped obsessing over your every movement, instead complaining to Hange, her arms wrapped around him as she'd laughed. He'd looked miserable as ever. 

"There was a party, it was in February that year - she got off with Eld in seven minutes in heaven. I opened the door and saw them, but didn't tell Levi. He found out a few weeks after and blames me for not telling him sooner." Your explanation had ended with a long exhale of breath you hadn't realised you'd held, another twist of the plastic cup.  "But that's ridiculous-" Jean began, but you raised a hand.  "He's right. I should've told him." Defeated tone, you slumped back against the cushions. 

"Seven minutes in heaven!" The shout of Pieck had brought you from the racing in your mind, an uncomfortable shift in the seat at the ill-timing of the announcement. An innate reaction of your sight meeting with Levi's had made matters worse, his hardened gaze looking back at you. Hange and Erwin had stood, smiling wide and preparing to move forward, while he'd remained seated. Fingers wrapped around your shoulders as you were pulled upward, suddenly aware of Sasha and Connie's excited expressions as they'd dragged you toward the circle forming on the other side of the room. 

"N-no, guys." The protests from your lips had been ignored as you'd fought against them, only to be seated among your group, bottle in the center of a wide circle.  "It'll be fun!" Sasha shouted as the bottle spun, the first pair of students making their way upstairs. First, the bedrooms would be filled out, with the final couple having to make do in the pantry cupboard. Sasha's cheeks turned red when the bottle's mouth had met her space, burning a deeper scarlet when it had spun again to land on Connie. 

That had left you beside Jean, awaiting the final two turns so you'd be able to leave, though as the spinning glass slowed and neared closer to you, your heart had been within your throat. Clear as day, no space for questioning, the green bottle had pointed at no one other than yourself. Time had seemed to slow as you watched anxiously at the second spin, bottle stopping within a matter of seconds. It had been with reluctance as you'd looked up, fear in your eyes replaced with horror when meeting with the bottle's suitor. It can't be-

Levi stared back at you, though hadn't looked frightened - he'd instead been filled with rage. When he'd began to stand, meaning to walk off, he'd been stopped by Erwin, who'd instead offered a shove toward the closet door. You'd been sat in shock, though soon found Eren and Mikasa following Erwin's actions, pushing you toward the pantry only a few meters away until both yourself and Levi had been shoved in, door barricaded on the other side. You'd fought to push it open, shoulder hitting into wood with loud thuds, eventually pushed aside by Levi as he'd repeated your actions. Loud groans of frustration left his chest as he'd kicked at the handle, though it had been in vain. 

"It's no use, Levi. We'll just have to wait until the time's up." A few boxes had been pushed against the wall and you'd taken one, placing it down behind you before sitting on it. Leaning back, you'd rested your head against one of many wooden shelves, watching as Levi had stopped taking his frustrations out on the door, instead sliding down the wood and meeting with the ground beneath his feet. He'd found himself in somewhat of a fetal position, ass to floor and knees folded to chest, head hanging low. Black hair had swayed before his face. 

For the first two minutes, there had been silence. You'd appreciated it, instead listening to the ambient chatter and muted music from beyond the closet door, though when sinking back and moving to allow yourself a more comfortable position, your knee had met with Levi's, igniting a fire within him as his head tilted back upward, eyes locking with yours. 

"Sorry-" You'd began a defensive apology, though had been cut short by his quick and stabbing anger.  "Don't fucking touch me." His words were muttered beneath his breath, though within the quiet of the closet, the closeness of the two of you, you'd been able to hear the statement clearly. "Why are you here, anyway? Who invited you and your shitty friend group?" A sigh of frustration had left you as he'd continued ranting. Drowning out his noise, you closed your eyes - squeezing them shut before taking a leap of faith and beginning to speak the words you'd wanted to say since that evening 18 months prior. 

"Levi -" Beginning, you'd interrupted yourself with a shaky exhale before continuing. "I'm so sorry. I should have told you when I saw them; but Petra was my only friend. I was so scared of being alone that I hadn't thought about you, and how you'd deserved to know."  Levi had let his stiffened exterior relax slightly, shoulders dropping. The open mouth with sharp tongue finally loosened, leaving an expression of thought written across his features. He'd calculated his reply for a few moments as your heart had raced, awaiting some sort of response. You'd considered continuing the apology before he'd finally started to speak, though hadn't needed to before he'd filled the silent air with a softer tone. 

"I appreciate honesty above all else." Levi spoke, hands clasping together, fingers interlacing as he'd continued. "If you'd have told me about Petra, Hange would've spoken to you - Erwin, too. And you have a group now, you didn't need her." Levi's statements felt redundant, though you'd appreciated the sudden lack of animosity.  "I'm sorry, Levi. Not telling you is something I regret, and it's actually part of the reason I don't speak to her anymore." His eyes had met with yours, and for the first time since their break-up, he hadn't looked at you with hate. "I wanted to speak with you about it, but you hated me so much that I couldn't get close to you even if I tried." 

He nodded, another exasperated sigh. "Just thought you'd sided with her." Levi explained, the tension within the closet suddenly lifting. Opening your mouth to speak again, you were interrupted by a loud bang; door opening and leaving Levi to fall backward. Hange had been on the other side, grin wide as Levi had scowled toward her, moving from the carpeted ground to brush himself off at his feet. You smiled toward Hange, pushing yourself from the crate you'd been sat rather uncomfortably upon to leave the cramped cupboard and return to your group of friends. 

"Shit, you were in there with Ackerman?" Jean's voice had been the first you'd heard since returning, to which you'd been left to nod. Though, a small smile on your face had spoken true feelings when he'd proceeded to ask how you'd still been alive.  "We made up, actually." Jean's questioning expression had caused a chuckle from your lips, glancing over your shoulder to look over to Levi and his own friends. They'd been within the midst of a game of beer pong, and Levi had looked to be winning. 

"I'm gonna grab another drink, want one?" He'd asked, and you'd accepted, watching him disappear into the crowd of people near the fridge. Somewhere on the kitchen counter had been a bowl of punch, surrounded by other forms of liquor and drafts.  "Wanna join?" An unfamiliar voice had sent some concern over your spine, though when meeting with Erwin's blue gaze, you'd relaxed. His offer had taken you by surprise, but you'd accepted nonetheless, walking toward the table covered with plastic cups, Hange hunched over and attempting to concentrate as they clutched a small white ball between their fingers, eyes squinting before letting go. They missed, ball instead falling flatly before the lip of a cup, bouncing onto the wood and hitting carpet. 

"Got another player!" Erwin had announced, but before you'd been able to participate, you'd felt a cold and sticky liquid coat your side, dripping over your arm and hip. Mouth wide and brows raised, your gaze shot to the perpetrator - a sorry looking Jean.  "Fuck." He spoke, placing the cup down beside others on the table and reaching toward you, though hands falling short as he'd realised he didn't have the resources to clean the liquor from your shirt. So, he'd instead stood with arms out before him, fingers spread and expression questioning his own next move. "Come on, brat. I'll get you a shirt." 

Levi had moved from the other side of the table to beside you, fingers ghosting over the skin of your clean arm as he pointed toward the doorway.  "I'll get you another shirt." The explanation had aided with your confusion, and as he'd walked away you'd followed, a quick side eye to Jean's red cheeked face before going along with the black haired male. 

He'd taken you upstairs, walking past a few doors before entering one at the end of the hall. You'd questioned whether to follow or stay behind, but after a few moments you'd given up on the internal confliction and walked into the room. It had been neat, freshly dusted and vacuumed with a faint scent of vanilla in the air. The furniture had matched a black and white tone, a desk, bookshelf and bed, muted lighting emitting only from a lamp beside the plain coloured sheets. 

Levi had stood at his closet, another door in the wall with many neutral toned garments on hangers, drawers beneath. He'd pulled a navy turtleneck and handed it to you, eyes shifting from the cotton to your warmed cheeks. You'd realised upon taking it that Levi had currently worn what had looked to be the same turtleneck, only in black.  "You can change in the bathroom." He commented, a quick point toward an en-suite before crossing one arm over the other. 

When pulling Levi's shirt over your head, you were encompassed by a scent that had felt alien, yet comforting. The scent you'd understood to be Levi's, one of ceder-wood; faint hints of bergamot. Lacing fingers with the hem, you glanced in the mirror, a tightness in your chest when glancing over your own body in something Levi had owned. The smell had been somewhat intoxicating - an intrusive reminder of whom the article of clothing had belonged to. 

Before the events of that night, you hadn't spoken with Levi much, only when in the presence of Petra. She'd controlled most conversations and he'd allowed her to, quietly appreciating her, loving her. You'd admired him at a distance and until now you'd assumed the admiration to be due to his attentiveness as a partner - a form of jealousy. Though, with his t-shirt clinging to your skin, his scent lingering over your nose and your heart beating wildly against your rib-cage, you'd began to question how exactly you'd felt about the Ackerman. 

Had it been admiration, or had it been attraction? Maybe, being Petra's friend you'd misjudged the way you'd felt when watching him, the way he'd expressed when you had conversed, the similarity of your opinions. With the apology and sudden new-ground between you, you'd known the magnetism you'd felt toward him hadn't simply been that of acclaim or approbation for his being - it had felt as if your body had formed some sort of crush. Though, you chalked it down to alcohol, and a new-found acquaintanceship. 

Turning the lock and exiting the bathroom, you held the dirtied shirt between your fingers. Levi had waited atop his bed while you'd washed off the liquid and changed, standing with one arm outstretched when you'd walked toward the center of the room.  "I'll wash it." Levi spoke, fingers drifting over the fabric while awaiting your approval.  "You don't have to-"  "Please. It's an apology for being so rude to you. Plus, you couldn't get that stain out without my help." Levi hadn't needed to persuade you further, the shirt leaving your grasp and entering his own. 

"Do you talk to her anymore?" Levi spoke, your shifting body stopping to turn back and face him. "Petra, I mean." He gripped the shirt tightly, grey eyes locked onto yours. You shook your head.  "You?"  "No." Levi dropped his gaze, maneuvering to sit on the mattress once more. 

"Aren't you gonna come down?" You'd asked while watching him slouch, still clutching at the cotton in his hands. He didn't answer, and in turn you walked to his body, seating yourself beside him. "What is it?" You questioned, but again you'd been left without a reply. A few anxious moments within silence had altered your mind, sifting through various shallow conversational topics as if your brain had been a filing unit.  "Thinking about the most eventful seven minutes in heaven you've experienced?" 

The joke had left your lips before you'd processed the statement, your body being left to cringe at the odd utterance. Teeth clenching, you shook your head, balling fists before turning to face Levi. He'd been watching you, an expression of either amusement or annoyance - you couldn't tell the difference with him.  "Sorry, that was stupid-" The apology had begun, yet you hadn't been able to proceed as he'd taken over.  "We can try again." Levi had responded quickly, a flash of hope over his countenance as he'd allowed such a risky assertion past his lips. 

"What?" You'd questioned in disbelief as he'd taken the moments following to think, finally acting upon the impulse within his body. Whether it had been alcohol or a rush of adrenaline he hadn't been sure, but Levi took control when leaning toward you to place a kiss over your lips, pulling back to assess your reaction. He'd dropped your shirt to the floor, eyes widening and an expression of regret, though you hadn't allowed him to indulge within guilt as you'd closed the gap once more. 

With a longer kiss, you'd been able to feel the softness of his lips against yours. A hand brought to cheek had caressed over Levi's pale skin, smooth under fingertips. He'd had narrow and sharp features, all able to be felt beneath your touch, the jut of his jaw, the smallness of his lips. There had been a buzz in your core, one you were sure had been partially caused by liquor, though aided by anxiety and excitement. 

Your hand had slowly moved to cup at the back of his head several kisses into the encounter, undercut grazing your fingers. When introducing tongue and slipping fingers to sit between the locks at the back of his head, Levi had also allowed his hands to leave the sheets. A squeeze over your thigh, drifting to your hip. You'd given a light tug to the thick of his hair as a gesture for him to straddle you, and he'd taken the offer. 

Falling with back to the mattress, you spread your legs to accommodate his frame, arms caging either side of your torso as he pressed his chest to yours, lips still moving leisurely with your own. As tongues roamed one another, there had been an influx of drool, a sheen coating each of your mouths. Spit from both you and him now merging, a fluid representing both lust and attraction toward the other. Levi's hand had finally moved downward and allowed him to tug at your jeans, a question of furthering the actions taken between you. You'd obliged nonetheless, fidgeting to undo the button and slide denim from your legs. He'd pulled back to kneel, fingers squirming to unbuckle his belt and undo trousers, until both you and Levi had been equally undressed, only the thin cotton of underwear moderating exposure. 

 Levi leaned forward to reconnect with you once more, lips working against yours as his erection had been hard against your slit, though each body still caged within the final layer of clothing. A roll of his hips to yours had caused a moan to erupt from you, uncomfortable wetness desperately needing more friction. You pulled back, hands against his chest lightly pushing against him to allow space. He'd watched you breathlessly, gaze threatening to drop to the glossy lips he'd wanted to re-attach himself to, though restraining as he'd awaited your question. 

"How far do you want this to go?" Heat had risen through you when you'd asked, a small smile forming across Levi's lips, an exhale of amusement before he'd replied.  "All the way." Reply whispered against the skin of your neck, you'd arched your back, goosebumps prickling bare skin. Levi had taken the movement as an invitation to slip his hand beneath the arch, fingers hooking to the clasp of your bra and opening the garment. Pulling back, he'd looked to you for consent, only sliding straps over your arms after you'd given a reassuring nod. 

"Do you have condoms?" You'd almost choked when Levi had taken a nipple into his mouth, a moan originating deeply from your chest when he'd rolled his tongue over the bud, fingertips grazing over the other. 

He pulled back to reach to the bedside table, fumbling around before pulling out a foiled packet. Once extending the rubber, he'd taken the last step of pulling your panties from covering you, dragging them over your thighs, slowly over calves until your feet had slipped through. For a moment, Levi watched over you to admire your figure, though soon gave into temptation and lined himself up, a languid slide forward complimented by a hiss between his teeth.  "Fuck." Levi's curse had caused you to clench over him, a sigh from lips when he'd pushed deeper. "So tight." 

Once bottoming out, he drew back, picking a pace as he rocked forward. The stretch you'd felt between legs had felt good, head pressing back to the pillow beneath as you'd let out a whine. Levi placed his thumb to his tongue, a quick glob of spit coating the digit before he brought it forward to lay over your clit, rubbing circles over the nerve. You'd allowed a louder moan out, pleasure displayed through another arch of your back, eyes squeezing closed.  "Levi-" Speaking his name had only encouraged him further, rolling into you while groaning, watching your contorted expression through half lidded eyes. 

"Feel s' good." The praise had been slurred as your mind had been too focused on the sensations between your thighs to give a more coherent statement, lip catching between your teeth when he'd continued to rub over you. The build up was nearing an end, whines and gasps growing louder.  "Shh," Levi had whispered, slowing his pace and earning a disapproving groan. "Unless you want everyone else to hear me fucking you?" Levi's comment caused your stomach to churn, though you'd been adamant with the boom of music and the bustle on the floor below that no one would be able to distinguish your muted moans from the music - if they'd even been able to hear. 

"Gonna cum." Levi had gone a little faster after the statement, eyes locked onto your tensed face, only straying slightly to catch a glimpse of himself inside you.  "Cum on my cock." His instruction had aided in pushing you over the edge, a coil within your core finally snapping. In return, Levi had groaned, mouth agape as he felt himself loosen, finally letting go. With both coming undone in unison, the moment had felt euphoric, a mess of whines and skin slapping on skin, breath panting as you'd felt yourselves grounding once more. 

a/n: not really edited cuz i'm lazy, sorry !!

[sunny1616]

Ready

Rafe Cameron x pregnant reader

Summary: You're about to give birth to your twin boys.

Warnings: pregnancy

"Rafe!! I think my water broke!!" You were on the phone with Rafe while in the kitchen getting a snack when all of a sudden you felt wetness down your legs. On the other end of the line you heard nothing but silence.

"WHAT NOW?!... Okay. Thats completely fine. Wooo. Oh my god its happening!!" Rafe was freaking out on the other end trying to gather himself so he could figure out what to do next.

"Rafe! Dont freak out. We both planned for this. Now, im going to-"

"Skrew the plans!!! Go sit on the couch. Stay on the line and wait for me to come home!!"

"Babe, don't worry my bag is packed and im fine. I was just going to clean myself up and change into something else. Then I'll wait for you. I'll see you soon. Just drive safely!"

"*pant* Yea. *pant* Okay. You're right. *pant* We got this. *deep breathe* hang tight for 15mins I'm coming."

"Haha yeah, we got this. Be careful! Bye!"

You end the call, then find some paper towels to toss on the wet spots on the ground. Then you go into your closet and attached master bathroom to clean up and then decide to take a quick shower since you have the time. You then put on some wideleg sweatpants and a comfy stretchy t-shirt on to go on top of your belly.

You are sitting on the floor with all your things packed in your bags for a few days in the hospital. You're doing your final checks when you hear Rafe come in behind you. You twist around to greet him, but he reaches you quick hugging you and rubbing your belly while giving multiple kisses on your temple. You hold onto his arms keeping yourself in his embrace.

"Hey baby, how are you doing? Im sorry I didn't get here sooner. Traffic was crazy. Have you already finished packin? Did you shower?!" From his surprised features, you can clearly tell that this is not going the way he thought.

"Yeah, haha. My contractions are only 15 minutes apart, and I've only had 2 so far, so i thought that i could time my shower in between. Then I just put my clothes on. Im just double-checking all this stuff, i already know we have everything. All that's left is your stuff, and you getting ready. Then heading to the hospital!! Im excited!! But also nervous, haha." You take his silence as shock and relief and how great your doing.

"I'm glad you're all ready to go. I guess ill just change and get this stuff in the car. You just relax, ill do the rest. We'll be in the hospital right away." He then meets your lips with a kiss and gets up and heads to the closet.

"You don't need to rush! Hospital protocal usually says that we should go in when contractions are only 5mins apart. So we still have time! You can shower if you want!"

"You're amazing, you know that? I still say we go before it reaches that point since you're having twins!" He then pops out of the closet after changing and then picks up the packed luggage and carries it downstairs.

"True true. But baby, where's your stuff? i couldn't find it in the closet?" You say loudly so he can hear you from downstairs.

"It's already in the car. I've had my hospital bag in there for a few days now. Don't come downstairs yet! I'll come get you!" You roll your eyes at that. But are so happy that everything is happening at a smooth pace. You then go to get up to find your sweater and Rafe gets back upstairs and is at the door.

"Ready?" He smiles at you.

"More than ever!" You give him the biggest grin.

He then leads you down the stairs, which you admit feels safer with his since you can barely see the steps under your belly.

Rafe then gets you into the shotgun seat of the car and gives you a kiss. He gets around to the other side and starts driving to the hospital. You have a contraction on a red light. But a few handsqeezes with Rafe and controlled breathing exercises get you through.

Once at the hospital reception desk. The nurse explains the paper work and gets you into a wheelchair and helps you to your room.

You then change into your delivery attire and are set into the bed with all the monitors and equipment. This is very real now.

The doctor comes every 2hrs and after 10hrs finally notifies you about your progression and tells you to start pushing.

"You're doing so good, sweetie. One more, you got this!" He's right there by your side giving holding your hand and the back of your neck. During a push, he helps you reach a deeper crunch by supporting your back.

After what feels like hours of pushing. You finally get the first baby out.

Authors note: should i do a pt2? Ive written past this point 3 times now but everytime i save, my progress keeps vanishing!😫 I'll only do it if anyone wants lol. Otherwise i hope you like it and thank you for reading! 💗

[sanestakaashistan]

“ Whyʼd ya hold back? ”

|| hawks — keigo t.

hawks x reader but you just came back from an overseas mission. you immediately get excited once you're back to japan, barging in to your shared apartment, unbeknownst to hawks' state and the fact that it's.. spring.

tw: implied s3x, a little cursing?, suggestive themes.

MDNI MDNI MDNI MDNI MDNI MDNI MDNI MDNI MDNI MDNI !!

The smell of Japan's fresh air fills your lungs while you take your step out the international airport. After partaking onto a few Pro Hero activities on Brazil, you've finally returned to your home country, Japan. To come home back to Keigo was all you could've ever wanted as a reward.

The cab arrives at yours and Keigo's apartment complex. You immediately ran off and paid the cab, going in the classic elavator up to the apartment's floors. Excitedly, you slam open your door right after you unlocked it, only to be greeted by silence. The usual welcome home Keigo gave when you go overseas for missions is unusually gone tday. You grinned, thinking Keigo must be in the shower to freshen up. It was uncommon, but Keigo loves to take baths, so you thought it as normal and brushed it off.

Hurriedly, you took off your shoes and coat and hung them into their rightful places. Staying with your socks on, you ran to your shared bedroom and peeked through the door, only to see the room made dark and dim. “Keigo?” You softly called out, starting to feel concerned for the boy. Observing the sight before you, you were stunned. “Kei.. go?” You muttered in shock. There lies none other than Keigo, on the bed, buried in several blankets, surrounded in a sea of pillows, panting and gasping heavily for air. “Damn it..” He lightly cursed under his breath, covering himself whole in the blankets in order to unshow his such vulnerable state.

Just then, you only realized it was Spring.

The season where Keigo's kind are usually in heat. You perked up, cursing yourself, as you didn't realize it sooner. “Keigo? What can I do to help?” His immediate response was a barely a whisper: “Please.. go away...” His body curled, as if in pain. You immediately noticed the implication, so then you hurried to the kitchen and made hot chocolate to somehow comfort him(?), as you didn't know what to do, either. You couldn't just possibly leave him alone like that? You mentally slapped yourself even only at the thought.

Back at the shared bedroom, you placed the hot cup of chocolate on the bedside table and satt at the edge of the bed. “Keigo, what can I do to help?” Gently, in a soft delicate tone, you asked. He only replies with: “No. D-Don't..” Though you were confused, you only kept asking as concern washes over you. “Keigo.” You made him sit up properly as you speak, —

“I'm trying to hold back, you dimwit.”

Said Keigo, right after pinning you down the bed. You were shook— no, maybe even more shock than the word shock. His tone was rough, which was much, much different than his usual classic laid-back demeanor. You couldn't help but be by far be speechless, with both his actions and words. What did he mean by 'trying to hold back'? Why did he pin you to the bed? Why is he holding back—? Oh.

OH! You finally figured it out.

You smirked at the final realization, and while Keigo sits up himself, you immediately got on top of him, your legs surrounding his waist. Now, it's the opposite position around, while you place your hands in both sides of Keigo's head on the bed. “What-.. are you doin-..” He lightly gasps, now the one who's shocked. How the tables had turned.

“I'll make you feel so good, birdie. I'll make you so satisfied to the point that you'll be asking for more. To the point that even when it's not spring, you'll come running to me..” You whisper in his ear as his breath hitched.

“You could've just asked, and I would've gave you what you wanted, baby.”

a/n: ill edit this later to make it more appealing...... im too tired for this okay bye thanks

honourable mention: @nessgasm , my pookie for life

[blessedwithabadomen]

in love with the mess - day eleven

summary : Aubrey is going on tour and, for once, she's decided to focus on having as much fun as possible. Oli can be a little shit but he does nothing short of adore Audrey and... well, maybe Noah a little, too. Noah likes the flirting, as long as no one gets too close, emotionally. But what will happen when the three of them take it too far?

content : smut (p in v, fingering dirty talk), angst, fluff

length : 6k

tags (let me know if you want to be tagged!) : @veronicaphoenix @cookiesupplier @lma1986 @jilliemiw86 @bngurngheart @lacktoesandtoddlerants @narcissisticbehavior81 @flowery-mess @shilohrosechicken @justeli6 @starvingarsyn @floatinglikeaswan @blacksoul-27 @somebodyels3 @kageyasma @spikeisdaddy @broken0mens

a/n : Enjoy!! Leave a comment if you do hehe 💕

•••

day eleven

What on earth was one supposed to do when everything they’d ever craved, ever needed without quite knowing that they’d needed it at all, suddenly seemed to appear right at their fingertips while knowing that every move toward it would only make it recede further?

Waking up in an empty bed had flooded my brain with loneliness, feelings of rejection, a cold seeping into my bones, just for a moment, completely automatically, but then the rest of my senses loaded in and as soon as my hearing permitted me to realise I was far from alone in the apartment, my whole body relaxed again. A chaotic mixture of shouting and uninhibited laughter filtered through the open door, interrupted by the tell-tale noises of pots and pans and everything else Oli’s kitchen had to offer. Then, slowly but surely, the scent of coffee reached my nostrils. I inhaled it deeply, turning onto my back and snuggling into the blankets for another minute.

How cruel was the world to gift me this moment? I wanted to sink into the bliss this morning provided. The domesticity. The soft wake-up, the realisation that Oli and Noah were preparing breakfast, the gentle lull of the bed that promised a future that could look exactly like this.

Could it? The pull at my heart stung more painfully than ever. The clarity that all I wanted seemed so close and yet unattainable hit me harder than before. I didn’t want to assume that either Oli or Noah were doing it with any ill intent, but the way they kept dangling this possibility in front of my face hurt all the same. What would it take to get this for real? Every morning of my life? My whole body seemed to ache with the love I had for them.

I was on the verge of giving up. Not giving up either of them or this thing we had going on. Giving up on being quiet. Giving up on hiding my feelings, lying about what my heart was screaming for, making myself and my needs smaller than they were. Maybe then, we would stand a chance. Maybe if I was being honest with them, they could be honest with me too. If only there was any sort of knowledge that their truth would bear the same content as mine.

Five more days of this tour. Five more days until we would, in some capacity, have to part ways. Oli was going back home to finish the album. Noah was heading on another tour. I was… well, packing up my things and trying to find a place to stay. How much longer would I manage to keep my mouth shut? I didn’t just want to blurt out a confession of love, hit them out of nowhere, possibly scare them away with my intensity. But I would have to speak up, sooner or later. Before the tour was over. I couldn’t leave without letting them know, even if it meant the end of things. Even if it changed my relationship with Oli irredeemably. Even if it meant never having Noah again. I’d simply have to find the right moment. 

Or rather, moments. I wasn’t sure if telling both of them at the same time would be wise. They were two individual people that each deserved my undivided attention. As much as my heart was beating for both of them, it would be wrong to pretend it had the same quality with both. I’d known Oli for years, a crush that had been steadily growing, going dormant and growing again. Noah had only appeared on the scene recently, even if he’d caught my heart with no difficulties at all. But it was different. Every love was. Their own, the one between them, was too.

A loud clatter pulled me out of my thoughts. It was followed by a beat of silence and then rambunctious laughter. The smile on my face appeared involuntarily at the sound. Rolling myself out of the sheets, I quickly looked for something to put on, remembering I only had my dress from last night. Pulling a few drawers open, I located an oversized sweatshirt in Oli’s closet that I allowed myself to put on along with a pair of clean boxershorts. My underwear from last night was too sticky to even consider it.

The kitchen was a mess when I entered. It seemed like the two of them had made it their mission to open every single cupboard and then proceeded to place every single item in there somewhere completely different. In between, some cooking that wanted to be an English breakfast had happened. Still, as soon as I was spotted, shuffling toward them on bare feet, Oli made quick work of fixing a plate for me with whatever hadn’t gotten burned or landed on the ground in their mayhem.

“I promise, I actually know how to cook,” Noah whispered in my ear as he hugged me good morning, his hands moving upwards on my thighs until they disappeared under Oli’s shirt. “Not so sure about him though.”

We both turned to watch Oli plate some more stuff for Noah and himself, some of it looking suspiciously black, but he was obviously trying so hard to make it a good breakfast meal that my heart couldn’t help but flutter at the sight.

It was perfect. Too perfect.

•••

The morning was filled with half-edible food, giggles over the breakfast table and slow, lazy kisses on the couch as we took turns showering. Oli ended up lending Noah and me some clothes that definitely looked more ridiculous on me than it ever did on those two men, but it was still better than trying to make do with last night’s outfits again. It still very much felt like a walk of shame when the cab driver all but dropped us back off at the hotel. I almost asked if Oli would mind us grabbing our suitcases and going right back to his place to stay there for another night until we had to get going to London. But I didn’t.

Noah and I had planned to make a quick dash to our respective rooms to change into clothes that actually belonged in our closets while Oli would make his way to the venue, but the plan was foiled when we realised that the rest of Bad Omens were gathered in the hotel lobby, chatting and… well, probably waiting for Noah before heading to the arena together. Unfortunately, that also meant that the three of us were the topic of conversation as soon as we got spotted.

Folio saw us first, his eyes moving back and forth between us, then up and down our bodies as he seemed to realise what we were wearing. He gave a low wolf whistle that briefly caught the attention of every uninvolved person in the lobby, but he didn’t mind at all as he approached us with a big smile on his face.

“Noah! We’d been wondering where you were. You could have told us you were spending the night with your boyfriend and your girlfriend!”

In an instant, Noah’s face had taken on a blush like no other. He dropped my hand as if caught in some sort of compromising situation, his eyes darting everywhere but me or Oli.

“Very funny, Folio,” he mumbled, but there was no humour in his voice.

“Come one, you all look like you’ve had a very good night,” the drummer continued, harshly slapping Noah’s shoulder in what I assumed was supposed to be a friendly, if teasing, gesture. “No need to be shy about it.”

But Noah wasn’t shy about it. Not exactly. Noah was… somewhere between embarrassed and terrified. At least that was what he looked like. The shuffling of his feet, the way he played with the hem of the shirt and then suddenly let go as if stung by the realisation it was Oli’s, the restless energy. Even Folio backed off suddenly.

“I need to change,” Noah announced and before anyone had the chance to stop him or even say a single word, he had set off towards the lifts. He needed to change. He didn’t say he was going to. He needed to. It set off all the alarm bells in my head. I couldn’t let this whole situation run off its course again, whatever the course was. But I also knew better than to push Noah into what would only result in him withdrawing and refusing to talk altogether.

“We should talk to him,” Oli piped up next to me.

“We should. But not now. Bryan needs you for pictures and then you’ve got soundcheck. I’ll meet you at the arena, yeah?”

Oli nodded, not quite convinced, but knowing that his schedule called for him. We’d already taken the whole morning off, it was time to get back to work. I moved to quickly press my lips to his cheek before heading to my room as well, but he stopped me, hand on my neck, leading me exactly where he wanted me.

And then, in public, and in front of everyone still watching us, Oli Sykes kissed me.

•••

“Aubrey! Just the person I was hoping to see!”

I stopped dead in my tracks at Becky’s voice. I’d successfully maneouvered Oli from soundcheck back to his dressing room where he’d have a bite to eat in preparation for the show when I decided to see what sort of mood Noah would be in. If it was time to talk to him yet. As much as he preferred to battle his demons alone some times, there was a point where he would simply end up overthinking and, at worst, grabbing some bottles again, and I wanted to stop that process by all means necessary.

However, I’d only just made it into the general standing area of the venue when Becky called me over. I shot one more look at Noah on stage, in the middle of his own soundcheck and seemingly miles away in his mind, before walking over to the sound booth.

“So, slight trouble ahead,” she said, kneading her hands awkwardly. “Someone on the team is having a family emergency and he needs to leave after the show. Which means we’re good for tonight, but we’re a pair of hands short in London. I have some contacts for the Dublin show so that won’t be a problem, but no one is available for the next two days on such short notice. I’ve already talked to Oli and Noah and they agreed so I thought I’d ask if you could help out for those gigs?”

My brain was whirling with the amount of information she’d just dropped on me. But it was one particular piece it got stuck on - why had she asked Noah? Oli was a given, considering I was technically his employee and he’d have to do without me if I was gone during soundcheck and the actual show, but Noah didn’t make any sense.

“Noah?” I questioned, more to myself than anything else and Becky interrupted me immediately.

“Will you? Please say yes. It’s important. Really.”

“Sure,” I smiled, even though I felt anything but sure at that moment in time. Still, she needed help and if I could be of any use, it would be ridiculous to decline.

“Perfect!” she exclaimed, reaching over the barrier to pull me into a hug. “You won’t regret it!”

I didn’t know what that was supposed to mean either.

•••

Noah vanished right after soundcheck, which seemed to be a special talent of his. All of his usual hiding spots came up empty and if he’d left the venue in some capacity, there was no way I’d be able to track him. Trying the dressing room one more time, I opened the door, just a small gap, to peek inside, but the only person present at all was Nicholas.

To my surprise, he waved me in. I followed the invitation gratefully - not only was I out of ideas on where to find Noah before the show, I also didn't have anything else on my schedule for the day. Plus, I'd not really had the time to hang out with anyone apart from Oli and Noah lately.

A beer was thrust in my general direction as soon as I sat down on the other end of the couch. It wasn't my favourite, but I took it anyway.

“So, Aubrey, how are you doing today?”

I stared at Nicholas with the most suspicious look I could muster. “Nick, in the ten days we've been in this tour together, we've not once made silly small talk.”

He chuckled, a little nervously, a little caught out, but he looked so sweet that I couldn't even pretend to be mad. “Yeah, I don’t know why I said that.”

The silence settled between us for a moment, but I didn’t mind. I figured he’d called me in here for a reason, and I’d give him as much time as he wanted to needed to figure our what to say.

“Would you mind if we stole Noah away for the night?”

“What? I mean, of course. He’s your friend, you don’t need my permission to hang out with him.”

I had been hoping to spend the night with both him and Oli again. Go pack to his place. Maybe have a quiet night in before the four-hour drive to London tomorrow. Get some takeaway. Stare out of Oli’s windows to watch the city as it fell asleep and woke back up. But with Noah making an abrupt exit this morning at the hotel and being basically untraceable ever since, my hopes had been dwindling anyway.

“‘Course, ‘course,” Nicky mumbled, briefly looking up at me with a smile. “I’m not complaining about you spending time with him, by the way. But we…” He looked contemplative, as if trying to decide how much to tell me. “We sat down together, Folio, Jolly and I, for lunch today and we decided we need to talk to him. Because, well, he seems very happy to hang out with you and Oli but then it takes one comment from Folio and he just closes off completely.”

I’d seen it first-hand, more than once. They were right to be concerned, too. With all the fun we were having among the three of us, reality kept punching Noah in the gut relentlessly. I still wasn’t entirely sure what sort of demons he was battling, but they were weighing heavily on his mind and impacting his moods. The other three were probably both worried about his ability to perform as their frontman and how he was coping as their friend. And as much as Oli and I needed to talk to him, sooner or later, maybe what he needed right now was the people he’d known for years.

“I know,” I sighed in response. “He switches from extremely carefree to withdrawn and pissed off in a split second sometimes. An evening with the guys will probably do him good. If… I don’t know if it’s appropriate, but if he says anything, you know… I don’t know, that would be helpful to know… I know you don’t know me very well but I genuinely just want what’s best for him and I’m at a complete loss sometimes.”

Nicky’s hand on my shoulder was so reassuring, I suddenly felt like I had to bite back tears. “I’ll let you know. Unless we somehow get him to grow some balls and talk to you himself.”

I giggled, pushing away the emotions, leaning slightly into his touch, simply glad to know Noah was surrounded by people who really cared about him and his wellbeing. Even if that included bullying him on the low when he was being a diva about communicating properly. He deserved it, to be honest.

“So, what’s the plan for tonight then? Hope it’s not an intervention because that’ll probably make him run for the hills immediately.”

“No,” Nicky laughed slightly. “We’re just going to call it a guys’ night. Take him out after the show. Have a beer.”

I couldn’t help but raise my eyebrow at him a little bit. Somehow, he caught it immediately. The questioning look on his face compelled me to talk.

“He’s been… drinking. I don’t know if that’s a general pattern with him, but, sometimes, it’s to the point where he doesn’t remember things the next morning.”

Nicholas seemed more somber than he had been the entire conversation. The way something flashed in his eyes, just for a moment, told me enough. Enough to know that this wasn’t exactly the first time he might have gone down that road. And that they were well aware of it, too.

“I’ll keep an eye on him. Promise.”

I nodded, finally getting up from the couch with a heavy sigh, my almost untouched beer still in my hand. “Well. I’m going to need the rundown tomorrow. And if I don’t see you again before you leave, good luck.”

“I might need it.”

•••

Some days, things just tended to go wrong. And while, a lot of the time, I could accept that, be gentle with myself and move on, today was not like that. At all. What had started as a lovely morning with Noah and Oli had quickly spiralled into worries about the former, then feelings of confusion and being slightly overwhelmed at suddenly working with Becky for the next two days. I couldn’t find Noah anywhere, but I’d all but given up on that since the conversation with Nicky. I’d check up on the situation tomorrow, when, hopefully, some things were cleared up. At least in Noah’s head.

But then my AAA pass went missing. It wasn’t a massive problem, excluding the embarrassment of having to let people know that the person who was responsible for keeping Oli in check and organised had managed to misplace what was probably the single most important item on any given tour date. What bothered me much more was the fact that I’d attached my Powerfuff Girls keychain to it, as I’d been doing every day since I’d bought it.

Lee was the one to find me, near tears, picking apart Oli’s dressing room to no success.

“Alright, let’s walk through your day then. You’ve obviously had it when you arrived here or you wouldn’t have gotten in. Where did you go from there?”

I knew he technically didn’t have the time to run this through, but I was simply too distraught to send him away, silently grateful for his help as we re-traced my steps from Oli’s dressing room to the sound desk and catering to all the hallways I could have possibly walked. Additionally, both of us had shot messages into any group chats we were part of, but so far no one had replied with positive news.

“Wait, is that-”

Lee was pointing slightly further ahead in the hallway. I was there in an instant. There, on top of one of the boxes, was, indeed, a backstage pass. Adorned with my name. Only - there was no charm on it.

“But- that doesn’t make sense!” I exclaimed, turning the item over in my hands, then bending down to study the floor around the box. “If I’d lost it, it would surely be on the ground and not up here, right? And if someone picked it up, they could have given it back to me, because my name is on it. And why is the keychain missing? There’s no reason for it to detach!”

Lee shrugged his shoulders, not quite as bewildered as I was, but I figured he also didn’t have as much personal attachment to a keychain. I had the pass back, which should be all that mattered, probably.

“Aubrey! Aubrey, help!”

Oli’s voice echoed through the hallway. He didn’t sound like he was in any imminent danger, but I still set off as soon as I’d reattached the pass, finding him in the middle of his dressing room. He stood in the most awkward, uncomfortable way, his head strangely bent down toward his shoulder. I was about to question it when he turned around, showing me exactly what the dilemma was.

“My hair!”

I didn’t know how he’d done it, but some of his strands were caught up in the rings of his black jacket. I bit back a smile, very unsuccessfully.

“How the fuck did you do that,” I giggled, unable to hold the noise back as soon as I opened my mouth.

“Does it matter? Help me out!”

With laughter still wrecking my chest, I started fumbling with his hair and the accessories on his jacket, trying to be as delicate as possible as he kept making noises of pain even when nothing was actually tugging on his scalp. Drama queen. I finally pulled him free, giving him a soft kiss, before toying with his outfit until it was perfectly in place.

“Thank you, love,” he said, suddenly mellow. His hands were toying with my hair now, mindlessly playing with the strands as he stared at me. I felt as naked and vulnerable under his stare as I felt protected. “Can I invite you over to mine again tonight?”

“You don’t even have to ask. Can we grab my suitcase this time though? I’d rather not do another walk of shame tomorrow morning.”

“Anything you want.”

I almost melted at how soft he was. I wasn’t sure if it was me or the fact that he was in his hometown, playing to more people than ever, knowing that friends and family were watching, but I wallowed in it all the same.

“I don’t think Noah’s coming, though,” I added after a beat of silence and only after I’d managed to tear myself away from the way his eyes were seeing right into my soul. “The guys are taking him out. But we’ll talk to him tomorrow, right?”

“Tomorrow,” Oli agreed, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “We’ll figure it out tomorrow.”

•••

The show in Sheffield was nothing short of magical and when Oli came off stage, he was an electrified bundle of energy. He was all over me, pulling me into his arms, completely ignorant of the way his sweaty skin stuck to mine where my top didn’t cover me, swaying me side to side.

“Fuck, I just love playing here,” he mumbled into my hair before pulling away just so much that he could look at me without having to fully let go. “What do you say to going straight home? I really need a shower but I’m so tired of venue bathrooms.”

I ignored the way my heart fluttered at the idea of home being not just his but all of our place to retreat to. I had no idea if he’d meant it like that or not, but suddenly I wished for nothing more than a shared comfort place. With him, and with Noah. Instead of dwelling on it, I sniffed at the fabric of shirt, loudly, just to annoy him.

“Yeah, that’ll just about do, I don’t think the uber driver is gonna kick you out for that smell just yet.”

“You’re fucking rude,” he laughed, carefree and not the slightest bit impressed. Then he continued to envelop me in his arms, awkwardly rubbing his body against mine. “There. If I smell, you do too.”

I couldn’t hold back the giggle, pulling him away from where several people working at the venue pretended not to stare at us and his antics, and started making my way outside with his hand firmly in mine. “Guess we’ll both need a shower.”

•••

Neither of us mentioned the way the backseat of the cab seemed a little empty as we made our way to the hotel to pick up my suitcase and then Oli’s place. Even though Oli’s energy was filling the space tenfold and we kept talking, giggling, touching as innocently as possible while still being within the driver’s view, I was sure that he felt the absence of a third person in our midst. Tomorrow, I told myself. Tomorrow we’d talk to him. For now, I decided to focus solely on having Oli all to myself tonight.

The place was as homely as the night before, immediately drawing me in. I almost wanted to collapse on the couch, place myself just in the right way to stare out the windows once more, stay like that until the sunrise appeared, but all of that went straight out my brain as soon as Oli started undressing. He was still in the living room, lights on, with the curtains still drawn open, removing piece by piece and letting it fall on the floor. It didn’t really matter that he was fully on display - no other building in the vicinity was close or high enough to grant anyone the view that I was getting.

More and more tattooed flesh was being put on show and I drank all of it in, studying Oli’s body in a way I never had the chance to before, his broad chest, strong arms, muscular thighs, his half-erect cock. By the smirk on his face, he enjoyed the way I attempted to commit every single details about him to memory.

“Come on, love, you can’t be getting into the shower in all of that,” he grinned, motioning toward my outfit, but made no move to step closer. I didn’t mind. I could undress all on my own.

It wasn’t that I was actively trying to impress or give a show, my entire being was much too clumsy and lacking self-awareness for that, but the way I removed my top, my bra then let my skirt and tights follow before dropping my panties down my legs still seemed to have him hypnotised. It didn’t make me feel insecure. It made me feel like the most desirable person on the planet.

With his hand softly taking mine, Oli pulled me down the hallway and into his bathroom, making quick work of turning the shower on, checking until he was satisfied with the temperature and then pulled me under the large waterfall shower head. It was pure luxury. Both the way the hot water was raining down on me and how Oli wrapped himself around me once more, nothing between our naked bodies, just touches all over that had me sigh in utter relaxation.

I could feel him growing a little harder against me as my nipples perked up, but neither of us was in any hurry to do anything about it. Instead, Oli grabbed one of the bottles on the shelf next to him, stepping back to first lather himself and then me in shower gel. His hands were all over, starting at my shoulders, moving over my breasts with the utmost care, one arm, then the other, moving down my body, my back, my thighs, until he was basically kneeling in front of me. I took it all, the goosebumps following in the wake of his fingers, shivers running up and down my body under his delicate touch. When he stood back up to direct us back under the water, I almost cried out at the loss of his hands on me, before they were back, scrubbing me clean, reaching every single inch of my body. I did the same for him.

I couldn’t tell how long we stayed there as the mirror and the windows fogged up, I still could have remained there for longer, feeling safe and protected and warm, the world outside nothing but a far away thought that had no room between us. But my skin was getting wrinkly from the water and my brain was starting to get mushy from the heat, so we reluctantly detached from each other and stepped into the humid bathroom. Oli wrapped a towel around me, impossibly fluffy, then put another around his waist. We dried each other’s hair as much as possible before giving up, deciding we’d deal with the mess of it tomorrow.

Oli’s bed was unmade, none of us having had the time to strip and remake it this morning and it gave me a brief ache in my chest when I realised just how much Noah was missing, but Oli gently pushed me onto the bed, both of us losing our towels as we slid under the blanket, lights out, still staring at each other as much as our eyes allowed as they got used to the darkness.

“You’re amazing,” he said out of nowhere, his voice a little rough as we hadn’t spoken much since arriving, but it was his words which took me by surprise. “I’m sorry we drifted apart so much in the past. I think I pushed away just how much I need you.”

He moved a strand of hair away, tucking it gently behind my ear, and I had to take care not to let a trail of tears follow. Something in his voice was so honest, so vulnerable and true that I couldn’t help being emotional. It was more than I’d ever gotten from Oli, more than I’d ever thought I’d get, and even with everything that had been transpiring on this tour, I hadn’t seen it coming.

“I need you too, Oli. I don’t…” I swallowed, hard and audibly, my hand finding his, intertwining our fingers. “I don’t ever want to be without you again.”

It still felt like a risk, saying it out loud, not yet daring to say what I was really burning to utter, but hoping and praying that he knew, that he would get it, that my voice and my eyes and my hand in his would tell all. And when he kissed me, it felt like he did. When his hand wound up in my hair, it felt like he did. When he sighed against my lips, so softly, it felt like he did.

I wanted to stay in this moment forever. Anything that meant keeping his hands on me and his mouth on mine. It was so impossibly soft and sweet, it almost made me believe I was dreaming. But then Oli rolled himself on top of me, hot skin warming up my own, every single inch of him on me, his lap slotted against mine, my nipples hardening as they rubbed against his chest, and the kissing suddenly wasn’t even close to being enough. I wanted him, needed him, all of him.

The blanket was easily kicked off as the temperature rose, our naked bodies emitting more than enough heat as my thighs wrapped around Oli’s waist, pressing him harder against me. His mouth moved from my lips to my jawline, down my neck, over my breasts. All I could do was sigh in pleasure, letting his long hair tickle my skin on the way. I could feel he wanted to move further, until his head would rest between my legs, but I held onto his shoulders, then pulled ever so slightly at the back of his scalp to make him look up at me. Those gorgeous, deep, ever-changing eyes that lured me in, even when the dark room, illuminated by nothing but street lights below and the moon up above, barely let me see them.

“I want you, Oli,” I mumbled as soon as we were face to face again. “I just… want you.”

Oli, miraculously, understood. He kissed me again, so deeply that it made my head swim, before reaching down. I gladly let my legs fall open a little more, inviting his fingers in.

“At least let me prepare you a little, my love,” he whispered against my neck, one finger entering me with a sound that was impossible to ignore, a second immediately following. “So wet, so lovely and wet, just for me.”

I tried to get him closer, get more of him, pulling him in, everything that he would give me. I was losing control quickly, of the way my body moved, of the noises that he ripped from me.

“I can’t believe you’re letting me touch you like this.”

At the way his words sounded, voice low and raspy.

“Been dreaming about this so long, you don’t even know. Never thought you’d allow me to be with you like this. That you’d let me have all of you.”

He pumped his fingers a few times, experimentally adding a third finger which barely took any effort to slide in at all. Every single one of his words seemed to send another wave of lust over me, leaving me dripping and relaxed and more than ready to take him. When he pulled away, I whined pathetically, almost grabbing at his arm to keep him there.

“Come here, sweet thing.” He held his fingers out to me, tapping my lips to get me to open up. I licked them clean eagerly. “Taste yourself. Taste what you’re giving me. All for me.”

My brain wouldn’t have worked even if I’d actively tried to use it. I dumbly sucked on his fingers, a delirium waiting to happen, barely registering when he removed them from my mouth again to reach for the bedside drawer. He blindly grabbed a condom, ripping it open and putting him on, all the while keeping his eyes on my as much as possible. I loved how they looked. All hooded and pupils blown, full of arousal. I could only imagine he would be staring back at the same sight.

I immediately wrapped my legs around him again when he settled back on me. His forehead rested on mine, both of us breathing heavily, unable to keep still or quiet enough for another kiss when he pushed in.

“So perfect,” he moaned, completely in tune with mine when he buried himself in me. “So perfect, sweetheart.”

Then he started to move, slowly, carefully, as if he was afraid I could break or fall apart underneath him, and I wasn’t entirely sure that I wouldn’t. I felt like I was barely able to breathe. His cock in me, perfectly filling me up, his hands, whenever they weren’t holding his body up, everywhere on me. His eyes fully focused on mine.

The closeness hadn’t been there before. Not to this extent. And it almost made me want to break out in tears. It was simply so much, bordering on too much, while being just perfect, and all I could do was claw at his back, pull him that impossible inch closer, feel him all over, his breathing mixing with mine. He still took the time to look into my eyes, all throughout. One of my hands moved from his back to his cheek, unable to keep myself from touching his face, cradling it lovingly, a soft moment in between the heavy moans and loud noises.

Still, I didn’t see it coming.

Both of us were on the edge, steadily leaning over it and ready to fall. His thrusts were becoming quicker now, a little more shallow, and then his fingers were on my clit and I came so fast, it took me by surprise. I clenched around him, riding out my high with fingers digging into his back, letting myself fall into the feeling completely, knowing he’d be there to catch me and then he came undone too, low groans accompanying his release as he rutted into me again and-

“I love you.”

[anxiousdreamcore]

May I humbly asks for your interpretation/opinion/view of the Spider & Quaritch as well as the Spider & Sullies relationships/dynamics ?

Sure! I’ve complained about how my opinion of the characters changed throughout the year of being engaged in the fandom so I might as well share! 🤭

Spider: An audacious, frat-boy-ish teen who stinks of dirt, sweat and will eat a live bug to gross you out. Kiri said that he bites and she was 100% honest because this kid will fling his mask off and tear into your throat if you mess with his baby siblings 😤 at the same time, he’s more than capable of being responsible and gentle, especially when it comes to Pandora, its wildlife and cultures, all of which are clearly very important to him. A menace with a heart of gold and an iron fucking will, untameable. Unbreakable. No authority scares him.

Quaritch: A man so damaged he can’t be repaired. He’s seen too many horrors, killed too many people, watched too many comrades die, has been infected with too much poison. It runs in his veins and destroys everything he touches…which is precisely why he is only likeable as a father. He has never been one before and that part of him is completely new, not yet damaged. The only part of him not yet tainted by the rotten creature that is the rest of him. A mangy, old army dog that will burn Pandora to the ground if its chain is broken, but will lie down and wag its tail for his child, and only him.

Oh, and he’s mentally ill too, at least to some extent, canonically. It’s not to say that his mental illness makes him a bad guy. No. It’s the lack of care he puts into coping with it that contributes to the dumpster fire that is Miles Quaritch. My personal headcannon is that he needs mood-stabilisers yet regularly skips them.

Spider & Quaritch dynamic: Two outcasts who bond over being isolated by their respective groups. Also, Lima and Stockholm syndrome duo! Quaritch gets an instant liking to Spider that soon grows into fatherly love, as Spider brings out the best in him; his most pure, childish and kind traits. Does the rest of him, the rotten, the poisoned, hate it? Oh, absolutely. But he can’t, won’t stop the wild-child from worming his way deep into his decaying heart. Spider meanwhile battles his own platonic feelings and holds onto his resentment as much as he can. He wants to love Miles but he doesn’t. He loves him but he wishes him an agonising death. He wants to be hugged by him and sink a blade into his chest. He wants Miles to prove him that not all grown ups are rotten and he can still be loved. He wants Miles to love him.

Spider & Sully siblings dynamic: “A family disappointment and local cool stoner to his siblings, who are more than happy to take after him because they think his utter freedom and lack of care for authority is cool” kinda vibe. Will play fight with his siblings and bite their noses before kissing them better and shoving them away. Calls Tuk a little gremlin affectionately. Brings Lo’ak back down to Pandora when he spirals into his insecurities or gets too bold and self-sacrificial. Is platonic soulmates with Kiri and feels a profound connection to her, as she does to him. Resents Neteyam for abandoning their little group to become a "respectable warrior". Wants him back. Wishes things could be like when they were kids.

Spider & Neytiri dynamic: She she sees him as a pesky, dangerous demon child that…that didn’t do anything but stay loyal, through all the torture and horrors. A lot of guilt is present between them after the final battle, and they will definitely have a horrible, explosive argument about it sooner or later, but for now they are content at silently sharing space, at time quipping and taking light jabs at each other, because that is their cycle. Playfulness, fear, resentment, until it all explodes and they scream at each other, then the cycle repeats, fuelled by guilt. Is there a chance to stop it? Will they ever be okay?

Spider & Jake dynamic: Hero worship turned disappointment. Spider idolised him for his status and incredible feats as a child but as he grew, and Jake consistently kept him at an arms length without establishing clear boundaries, the constant pining to have him as a father became a never-ending, aching pain in Socorro’s chest. Jake gave him an empty hope that they might one day be a family, without ever clarifying that it’ll never be true, confusing the boy until he was proved not once, not twice, but thrice, that he isn’t needed, isn’t missed, or loved by Jake. He’s a stray animal, and that is all he’ll ever be to him. He knows better now than to wish for something that can never be…doesn’t even want to. Quaritch might be a horrific monster, but at least he genuinely loves him. He doesn’t need Jake’s pathetic scraps of affection anymore. He doesn’t need him anymore.

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