#ughhh i'm ridiculous

[mementoasts]

computer how do i convince myself that simply sending my friend a pic of something i think they'd like is probably not going to get me perceived as the most irritating motherfucker on the entire planet

[coffeeworldsasaki]

Seeing how much people are earning selling patterns instead of filling me with hope now just fills me with rage 🙃

[numetalkids]

*inhales*.....................DEEP SIGH

[heartshattering]

when your mom keeps going on about how you need to marry a man already and you remind her you're asexual and her response is "Don't come to me with that foolishness"

thanks, Mom

[neeturnal]

i'm actually so stressed about money it's not even a joke like oh my god

[lovaboy]

i. ???? am i ever going to actually get what i damn ordered?? what the hell is going on

[arcadian-vampire]

How to not be anxious about upcoming therapy appt: Start a project relating to your special interest, so you end up glancing at the clock feeling more annoyed than anything else

[badkitten20]

Today I just wanna cuddle, have my hair petted and my soul kissed

[sweetnsour1]

6:05

Fluff, Bakugou x female reader

Part of the Hero Interview Panel Series and the Cute as hell collection

"My question is for Dynamight. Umm are you-are you single?"

"Ohhhh, what an excellent question." The moderator cooed. You tried to not glare at her, but fuck...this was the same reporter that was always trying to squeeze up against Dynamight during interviews. Did they have to choose her for this fucking thing? She'd already basically thrown herself at him back stage.

"It's not. How would I have time for anything other than savin' you idiots?"

You heard a soft voice on the other side of him. Probably Deku telling him to be nicer.

"Oh my, well that doesn't sound like a taken man to me. And that is actually a fantastic segue to our first question for all of our heroes. 'What is your type?' Let's just go down the line, shall we?" She headed over to the other end of the platform.

"Umm...my type of what?" There was some mumbling off the microphones.

"Oh, I see. Umm, I suppose someone who is kind and likes cold soba and is...not afraid of fire?"

"Uh huh. Well, that is so you. Next! Although I'm sure we alllll know what the answers will be for these next two."

"Oh, well my type would have to be someone who works hard at everything they do and never gives up no matter what."

"So sweet. And you, Deku?"

"Well, my type is Uravity?" The audience laughed.

"Fair enough, you two are the only couple on our panel today."

"Now how about you, handsome?" Ughhh, did her voice have to throb like that?

"That's the best question you could come up with?? Embarrassing."

"But we're dying to know...aren't we, everyone?" The loudest shouts sounded from the splashes of orange in the crowd. He huffed before speaking into his mic.

"My type will be the fucking best because she's with the fucking best."

"I'm sure you could be more specific, Dynamight. Don't you think so?" The crowd roared. He crossed his arms and glared at them, but the screams only got louder. His fans really did love him just the way he was. You giggled and he shifted his gaze to you for a moment before glaring at the audience again.

"Fuckin' hell, you extras...she talks shit, kicks my ass when she can, and she's cute as hell. Happy?"

"Oh? Maybe you'll find her here tonight." She winked at him and you tried to remind yourself that you were a hero not a villain.

"Now, last we have-"

Fuck it. You yanked your mask down, grabbed Dynamight by the ridiculously low v-neck and pulled him in for a kiss. He responded instantly, working his gloved hand through your hair. He groaned and pushed his tongue into your mouth. The crowd lost it. You pushed him back just as quickly as you'd grabbed him and settled back into your seat. The moderator was blushing and finally seemed to have learned how to leave Dynamight alone. You gave the crowd a chance to quiet down. You pulled your mask up and your mic closer before speaking into it as sweetly as you could.

"I think it's time for a new question."

The moderator nodded and seemed happy enough to turn her attention back to Shoto. Katsuki covered your mic and leaned over to growl in your ear.

"Remind me. Whose idea was it to not go public?" You placed a hand on his forehead and nudged him away.

"Oh shut up, 'handsome'. She pissed me off." You crossed your arms and looked out at the crowd.

He chuckled and you felt your seat sliding towards him. He released the chair leg when you were close enough for him to drape an arm around your shoulders. You felt his breath on your skin.

"Cute as hell." He kissed your neck and left you melting beneath your mask as he turned to answer the next question.

Masterlist

Interview Panel Mini-Series

[s3lfinvolvedh3athen]

THE INCIDENT

Drabble/ one-shot of why Eren never has his hair in a ponytail.

expanding on this post

The bathroom was a mess. Hair caked onto the counters and sink. Leave-in conditioner smudging the mirror and broken hair ties everywhere. You'd kill him if his frustrations weren't already getting the job done.

"Ughhh, babe! Where do you keep those spiral hair ties of yours?"

Rolling your eyes, you turn up the volume on your laptop. It's been the same routine everyday for the past two weeks.

I'm just trying to find my look headass. Niggas can't find their 'look' without messing up your bathroom and using up your products?

The sleek bun, the 'wet look' and even the mohawk. Which, by the way, was a completely unnecessary waste of gel.

Aunt Jackie better sponsor your ass with the amount of money you've spent on her products.

Stepping into the room with a pleased smile on his face and a ridiculous high ponytail on his head, Eren stood on the couch in front of you.

With a sigh, you pause what's playing on your screen and look up at him expectantly.

"Sooo?"

"So?"

"Well, what do you think?"

"I think you better get your ass to cleaning my bathroom"

"Wow, so you ain't even gonna compliment my hair? It's giving jealous."

"Jealous?"

"Yeah, you're just mad 'cause I'm eating you up right now."

"Only thing you're eating up is my money with the way you've been wasting my products. Get your Ariana Grande looking ass into that bathroom and make sure it's spotless."

Muttering under his breath about 'a loveless home' and kissing his teeth, he drags his feet towards the bathroom to "make sure it's spotless".

A couple of minutes go by and you really, really need to pee. Putting your laptop to the side, you make your way to the hopefully clean bathroom. Stopping at the door when you see your boyfriend at the centre of the mess, checking himself out in the mirror.

"Dunno, i think i'm really pulling this off"

"Babe, you know I love you right? And you know I would never say anything mean unless it was coming from a good place, right?"

"Right..."

"That fuckass ponytail needs to go. Just put your hair up in a messy bun or something. Or at least don't have the ponytail so high like damn"

"Oh, so you just came in here to hate?" he asks amusedly while wiping down the counters

"I came in here to piss, so if you'll excuse me."

Moving past your huffy boyfriend, you walk towards the toilet. Sighing contently as you finish up and move to wash your hands.

Drying your hands, you see Eren bend down into a deep squat to pick up a couple of broken hair ties and stray hairs.

That fuckass ponytail needs to go and you had the funniest idea on how to make that happen.

Silently approaching him from behind, he briefly turns to you before getting back to the task at hand.

"You good babe- y/n what the FUCK?!"

Reaching for the band of his shorts, you use all your strength to pull him up so his ass meets your pelvis. Grabbing his hair to keep him balanced.

thrust, thrust, thrust

"Babe?? What the actual fuck are you doing. Unhand me!"

"Fuck princess you feel so good. Yeah, throw that ass back and make it clap I'm bout to nut" you said with a low, gravelly voice and accompanying thrust.

"Yeah baby, take this dick," thrust.

Finally managing to push you off him with a scream, you burst out laughing at his now lopsided ponytail and unamused expression.

Taking a couple of breaths and composing yourself. You look directly at his chest because Jesus almighty, anything from the neck up would launch you into hysterics.

Walking out of the bathroom you speak out as you approach the couch. "Ayt princess, get rid of the ponytail and finish cleaning up. Love youuu"

After settling back onto the couch, you laugh when Eren finally leaves the bathroom. Mini-trash bag in hand and indent's in his hair from the retired ponytail.

"You didn't have to do all that forreal"

"Yeah, yeah. Do me a favour and get me a snack from the kitchen princess"

"The fuck? I ain't getting you shit."

"Awhhh, but babeeee. We can cuddle. I'll even be big spoon."

"Nah... okay fine." He really couldn't say no to you.

"Love you... nigga say it back"

Approaching the couch, he throws you snack at you. Picking you up and laying the both of you down with your back to his chest and a kiss on your cheek.

"I guess I love you too."

Why's he fronting like he's not obsessed with you?

Fuckass ponytails on men are in the same category as fuckass bobs on women idc.

This is wayyy longer than i intended but here y'all go.

tags: @st4rb3rr13s @zorosbigbootyassgirlfriend

[koreads]

HAZEL CALLAHAN WITH A GAMER GF:

im a gamer myself and i really want to date hazel ughhh (there's nsfw in this one, minors dni!!!), this is pretty bad guys, so is my english.

but i hope you enjoy my little pookie bear bullet points 👍

i don't think hazel is big into games, maybe she enjoy some cute games (bc she is a cutie!) like animal crossing or something like this;

her gf enjoys fps games, she lives for the competitive atmosphere. hates losing her ranked games but, at least she has hazel.

—Haze. —the girl in front of her was speaking in pout, dark circles under her eyes, the hair was a mess falling out of her bun.

—What is it babe? —Hazel opened her arms, Y/N didn't waste a single second before cuddling into her girlfriend —Did you lost again? — Y/N pinched her, Hazel laughing out loud.

—That fucking game is ridiculous. —she said, nuzzling into Hazel neck.

Being near her girlfriend was the only thing that made Y/N calm after a long time getting annoyed with FPS games, Hazel couldn't understand why her girlfriend spend so much time at something that made her so upset but, was glad to help with cuddles and head pats.

y/n really wants to be a perfect girlfriend for hazel because she genuinely thinks that the girl deserves nothing but love and attention. but sometimes she simply forget about having a life outside her rpg games, after all, why live in a real world when you can life in genshin impact?

when she feels like spending all day gaming, she asks for hazel to be with her. they cuddle in front of the screen and y/n explains the game to her lover.

—And that's my baby, Scaramouche. —Y/N said. She was between Hazel legs, both wrapped in a blanked in Y/N room. Even though they were in Y/N's bed, surrounded by her stuff, she could only smells Hazel perfume.

—I thought I was your baby?

Y/N kissed her girlfriend cheeks, smiling wilde at the pout in her face.

—You're my baby, my darling, my lil' pookie—even though Y/N hated the chessy nicknames e cute actions, she couldn't help whenever her pretty girlfriend was near.

after much insistence of y/n, hazel started playing some games other than animal crossing. her favorites were the sims bc she loved making a cute family with y/n, hsr bc she didn't had to do much and fall guys, bc she really liked the silly running.

—That's the room of our son, Robert Callahan. —Hazel was showing the baby at her iPad, Y/N was sitting at her girlfriend lap and distributing kisses along her neck.

—I like the LGBTQ flag in his room. —Y/N said, her fingers running through Hazel's hair.

—He support's his moms.

NSFW:

hazel is very patient. she always waits till y/n to end her gamer moment to ask for her attention. im general, she even enjoys watching her gaming but sometimes she gets a little needy.

when she gets needy, she really can't wait.

Y/N shuddered, gripping her mouse with a strength that could broke it, very easily. Her eyes were fighting to stay open, and mouth forcefully closed because she certainly didn't want to moan in front of her teammates.

Hazel was just down her desk, eating her cunt like it was the first meal she had in years, her fingers gripping the girl thighs with such a strength that certainly would leave marks.

—Oh, fuck me. —Y/N rolled her eyes, one hand leaving the keyboard to hold at Hazel's hair. The girl looked up, her blue eyes shinning in a sinful way —Guys I have to go. Bye. —turning the game off, Y/N grabbed Hazel face, bringing her to a kiss —You'll be the dead of me, Haze.

Hazel's hand went from her thigh to her wet cunt, making Y/N moan and throw her head back, before moving her hands to take of her girlfriend's pants. Pausing for a second, once she felt her orgasm coming.

—Haze I'm gonna...

—Cum. Cum for me, darling.

As if she was waiting for Hazel order, Y/N came. Her moan being drought in Hazel's lips.

—My turn. —she whispered popping open her girlfriend's jeans.

even if y/n loved videogames, she loved hazel even more.

Cuddling into Hazel naked chest, Y/N kissed her lover, smiling when the girls shivered with the contact.

—I love you. —she mumbled.

—I love you too. Even if you spend way much time with the bald guy with a weird beard.

—Kratos?

—I don't care about his name. —Hazel mumbled, pouting and hiding her face at Y/N hair.

—I bet Kratos couldn't make me come three times in a row. —Y/N said, smiling when she noticed Hazel blush.

—I could do four, y'know?

Moving faster than Y/N imagined she could, she straddled Hazel, smiling down at her beautiful face.

—Then what are you waiting for?

[nightgoodomens]

Well I just discovered an interesting GO interview which I couldn't find on YouTub : https://mega.nz/file/b8Aj2bBY#IUSlGm5xawVKMIMup8EBbnXdtytP6qufk04ADY9TuLM

This one just started down a bad rote, with the host getting Michael's name wrong, calling him Martin😂🤭( not his fault tho, he was clearly reading from Autocue and I don't think M&D noticed or they just played it off nicely)

However, Here are the things I LOVED in it:

1) Michael's answer and how he basically flipped off the interviewer for calling David's costume ridiculous. Both, particularly David, got very offended (and rightfully so it was rude and tactless to insult a beloved character like that.) I adored how MS tried to stay calm, seeing how annoyed David was and came up with this" it was really enjoyable for me cause I get to just look at him looking ridiculous, I use your word, whereas poor David just gets to look at this( gesturing to himself) pretty much the whole time." DT: " It was only a pleasure." self-deprecation combined with sweet praise for David is just ughhh🥺❤️

2_ Again David hits the nail on the head with " we looked pretty sensational in that (1800s costume)" and Michael praising him AGAIN with " you looked very dapper" for good measure.

3_ " And I do like a mutton chop," said Michael, cause the host kinda mocked it with his question. He was having none of it that day 😂

4_ MS: "the set ( graveyard in Edinburgh) was so beautiful that we looked like a Christmas card. I remember taking pictures and thinking that'll be OUR Christmas card." this picture is out there and I NEED IT😭

5_ Was MS serious when he said "My parents were in that scene as well and they got cut"?

He did have that "I'm joking" face on tho, it's unlikely but we didn't have any confirmation from Neil, right?

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

That first one reminds me of Michael taking all the BAFTAs jokes aimed at David, on himself instead - during the sketch. Not getting the award, not making it in Hollywood. He really is such a husband who doesn’t let anyone talk any shite about David, my gosh 😭❤️ I am glad David has a person like this in his life.

Second one… of course Michael never stops himself from complimenting David…

Third one no he really had none of it 😂

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEIR CHRISTMAS CARD. MICHAEL SHEEN!!!!!!! They’re so freaking married my goshhhhhhhhhhhh.

Hmmm considering it wasn’t said anywhere again about Michael’s parents… but maybe… hmmm.

Aw I want that Christmas card now. You know how we suddenly got the selfies David did, imagine how much there is on their phones that we never get to see…

[mediocre-daydreams]

peter parker x avenger!reader who can speak to flowers and plants, EXCEPT peter parker is oblivious to the way flowers just seem to grow at his feet and how daisies just lean towards him every time he smiles at r, and when r starts giving everyone in the compound flowers from their hand with a shimmering smile, peter can’t help but wonder why he hasn’t been given one yet, and why his heart seems to hurt when r spends a little bit too much time in thor’s arms.

— 🏄🏻‍♀️

ughhh this was such a cute, fluffy req and i ended up turning it into a mess of angst and insecurities and isabella madrigal but thank u 🏄🏻‍♀️ for sending this in! maybe i'll make some happier follow ups?

𝐝𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐬

peter parker x plant powered! reader

summary: you feel useless; you grow flowers while the other avengers fight battles. peter sees so much more in you, but it seems like you only have eyes for thor.

w/c: 3.0k

notes: gn! reader, angst w/ a happy ending, insecurities (feeling inadequate/reduced to looks/underestimated, etc.), jealous!peter, bestie!thor, flower symbolism that i spent a long time researching and i'm hoping it's accurate

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

being a superpowered avenger with a crush on another superpowered avenger while living in a multimillion-dollar compound that had its own walk-in ice cream fridge was pretty damn awesome. the only thing that could ruin the experience is if your aforementioned superpowers were absolutely useless and thus subject to constant (yet creative) mockery.

(hint: your aforementioned superpower was, in fact, stupid and ridiculed.)

“i feel stupid and ridiculed,” you huffed dejectedly. you and thor were sitting in front of a beautiful picnic spread complete with cucumber finger sandwiches and flasks of asgardian liquor.

“it is alright, midgardian. my brother, loki, is also stupid and ridiculed, but he is a god.” thor paused. “well, you are not a god, but you are—what is it that you little ones say these days? ah, you are W.”

you chuckled sadly, digging your toes into the soft tufts of grass that had sprouted when you’d laid down your picnic blanket. you were grateful for your gift, you really were, but compared to earth’s most powerful, dangerous, and influential people (and also aliens and gods), you were more like a glorified family pet.

“you contribute greatly to the avenging family,” thor reassured, placing one large hand on your shoulder with unintentionally strong force. you felt your body tilt under his strength. you sighed; you must’ve voiced your thoughts out loud.

“if by contribute, you mean reviving sam’s succulents every two months and supplying tony with emergency flower bouquets when he’s upset pepper, then yeah, i guess.”

“do not distress! you are also capable of growing poisonous mushrooms! my brother, loki, enjoys them. they are cute but deadly, like him. and you are sometimes an exterminator! the venus flytrap you gifted me remains in my asgardian throne room. it is very effective. i have not seen a single fly since.”

“that’s because there are no flies in asgard, thor.”

thor patted you on the back twice, forcing you to bend forward with each heavy-handed tap. you looked up at him, watching the man with long, golden hair and piercing eyes look down on you sympathetically. despite him being literally all-powerful and worthy of wielding a crazy magical thunder hammer, you had formed an unexpected bond with thor.

“you know, there was a time in my life when i was unsure of if i was worthy of mjolnir. i only played video games and drank asgardian hard lemonade. however, just because you may not see your worth at the moment does not mean it is not there. i was still as worthy and devilishly handsome. i just needed to shower.” thor looked up at the sky wistfully.

you smiled fondly, recalling the old pictures of thor with a beer belly and untamed beard. even when the team had poked fun at his ragged appearance, thor knew it was superficial and not a determinant of his character. the jokes were not a determinant of your worth or importance.

“thank you, thor.” your eyes crinkled and you blinked back your emotions, never having felt so understood. you looked shyly at your toes, admiring how the grass swayed and danced to the beat of your heart. “i never expected to relate to you so much.”

thor laughed heartily, slinging an arm around your shoulder and for the third time, crushing you with his inhuman strength. he pulled you close to his side, and for a moment, you let yourself enjoy the comforting pressure that grounded you.

unbeknownst to the two of you, a sneaky and jealous spider had come searching for you with a certain question in mind. peter knew how much you enjoyed spending days rooted in nature and connecting with your element, so after searching the compound, he figured you’d be in your favorite spot.

but when he reached the rolling bluff at the edge of the compound property, his heart sank at the sight of you and thor cuddled up on a romantic outdoor lunch. and when you pointed to something and giggled, followed by thor pressing a sweet kiss to your head, peter’s heart fully shattered. he left wordlessly, dropping the stop ‘n shop bouquet. it was pointless; you could grow your own flowers anyway.

“orange chrysanthemums,” you nodded towards the small patch you’d summoned, “for you. they symbolize friendship and clarity of mind. thank you, thor, for being here for me and allowing me to see my worth.”

thor gasped with childish delight. “the young spiderling bestowed upon me incredible knowledge the other day!” with deft fingers, thor plucked the flowers by their stems and wove them into a haphazard flower crown. “the five-minute crafts ‘tube film is truly revolutionary.”

“you’re a genius!” you squealed, jumping to your feet and giving thor a hug which ended up being you squishing his head into your torso. “how come i’ve never thought to make flower crowns before?”

the rest of the day was spent closer to the main compound grounds, lounging in the sun with thor as you flipped through a farmer’s almanac for flower meanings and growing them. thor proved to be a talented flower crown crafter, weaving intricate patterns and structures with flower steams and leafy vines. a couple of your teammates stopped to say hello, but nobody was particularly interested in your mindless, trivial afternoon activity. they had more pressing meetings and missions, after all.

“so,” tony said, walking around the counter to set down a luscious chocolate cake that he’d custom ordered on the dining table. “i know we just got back from a mission and two of our agents are in like, critical condition, but that’s booooring. let’s think halloween costumes,” tony announced, rubbing his hands together excitedly. “i was thinking the madrigal family; like, i’m obviously the house, since you’re all living on my compound and in my tower, etcetera… pepper can be pepa—duh—also because she’s always stressed… ooo, we could loop strange in and have him be bruno; plus, nobody likes him anyway so it fits…”

you and thor entered the dining room giggling maniacally, holding your completed flower crowns behind your back. thor was on his tippy toes, pretending to sneak around silently, as you tried (and failed) to stifle your chortles. when you came into view of the entire team sitting around the table with tony rambling about animated movies, the two of you silenced.

tony pointed at you excitedly. “perfect timing! you can be isabella, the one that’s really boring and makes all the eldest daughters cry because they relate to trying too hard but never being enough.” tony grinned proudly. “oh, and you both do the whole flowers thing, so that works.”

the air froze momentarily as you furrowed your brows, laughing breathily in disbelief. the table of avengers—tony, bruce, wanda, natasha, and steve—didn’t even notice. peter, lounging nearby, was the only one who seemed to have noticed your reaction.

“but has anyone watched she-ra?” wanda interjected. “i could totally see perfuma. she’s like this princess that… talks to plants or something.”

bruce raised a finger as if he’d just had a eureka moment. “snow white! doesn’t she grow flowers?”

natasha slapped her forehead. “she picks flowers to distract her from the executioner sent by the evil queen, duh.”

as natasha and bruce bickered about the magical limits of the snow white universe and wanda and steve argued over the coolest character in she-ra, peter just sat there, disengaged in conversation, watching as thor bent down to whisper something in your ear. you nodded, moving away from him, and peter jumped from his seat at the opportunity to catch you alone.

you caught peter’s eye and he smiled nervously at you, wondering if you intended to approach him first. instead, you ungracefully scrubbed at your eyes with your arm, presumably to wipe away tears, and then ran off, the sound of your footsteps bouncing off the empty hallway.

peter shuffled uncomfortably. the person he liked took one look at him, started crying, and then literally ran away from him. way to go, romeo.

“what happened to flower power?” tony stopped his brainstorming at the sound of a sob followed by the meek closing of a door. “are they like, okay?”

“they didn’t even stay for cake,” steve worried. “and it’s chocolate.”

peter cracked his knuckles, a habit he’d picked up whenever he was anxious. he opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by another barrage of theories.

“maybe they were weeding the lawn and got tired?”

“nah, we have a robotic gardner for that-”

“did sam land in one of the flowerbeds again?”

“sam’s not even here right now-”

“stung by a bee?”

“foot run over by a tractor?”

“found a corpse in the fertilizer-”

“ENOUGH!” thor boomed, his usual joviality turned into fuming eyes and deep, angry breaths. “you midgardians are pathetically shallow-minded and incompetent. was it not evident that your hapless conversation was—how do you midgardians say it—creating uncomfortable energy in the studio?”

the table of avengers looked at thor, confused.

thor moved his hands from behind his back and displayed them. on his arms hung the flower crowns you and thor had spent all afternoon creating. thor carefully laid them on the table, smoothing out any wrinkles in the petals and fluffing the leaves.

“in asgard, we revere nature and its gifts. flowers, plants, trees: they are sacred. we could not breathe, nor eat, nor survive or exist without greenery—without powers like theirs. you foolish midgardians… have you not considered the unlimited power that your superfriend wields? the power of life, creation, and growth. to manipulate the natural land, which is what holds up this very building and the entirety of human creation.” thor sighed, shaking his head like he was scolding a classroom of silly kindergarteners.

thor pointed to the flower crowns, distributing them to the person they were meant for.

“for tony: dark, blood orange tiger lilies and golden yellow jasmines to represent wealth, pride, and elegance”

“for bruce: a circlet of green to celebrate the part of him that he tries to hide. green hellebore and envy zinnia, symbolizing peace, serenity, and endurance.

“for wanda: a crown of purple, made of verbena, crocus, and clematis. to attract butterflies and honor her youthfulness, creativity, and limitless capability.

“for natasha: white and yellow, because she deserves softness; chamomile for her patience in adversity, black-eyed susans for her sense of justice, and edelweiss, for her courage and devotion.”

there was only one more crown on the table, but two avengers left. red, white, and blue flowers—it was clearly meant for steve.

“they put their heart into these, and for steve especially. bluebell, for his humility. white gladiolus, for his integrity and strength. finally, red nasturtium, which they spent hours searching for, to represent his victory and patriotism.”

thor watched as each avenger admired their respective crown before noticing peter, hands empty, standing in the corner looking despondent. thor bit back a knowing smile, approached the frowning boy, and beckoned him closer. peter grimaced as he caught sight of thor’s subtle amusement, scoffing bitterly. was the god here to rub it in further; that he’d won over the object of peter’s affection who he’d been pining over for months?

“they are in their room,” thor whispered loudly. “they will probably want to see you, small and short arachnid child.”

peter elected not to ignore thor’s passive-aggressive insults and nodded determinedly, making his way to your door with his mind racing. thor had said you’d wanted to see him, yet you’d barely acknowledged him and hadn’t bothered making him a crown. he’d be fine with sticks hot glued together, if it meant you’d thought of him. which, he supposed, you hadn’t.

he didn’t get the chance to knock before your door swung open and you waved him inside. “sorry i got all dramatic back there,” you sniffed. “i didn’t mean to ruin the moment.”

“what? you didn’t- no, what everyone was saying was just… wrong. cruel. you’re- well, you’re incredible.” peter cracked his knuckles, the bones popping loudly and drawing your attention. he shook his hands out and looked at you bashfully. “sorry. nervous habit.”

“don’t be nervous,” you smiled sadly. “i’m harmless. literally.”

“y’know, thor showed us those crowns you made. i thought they were really cool, really beautiful.” peter hesitated. “beautiful like you. a-and i don’t want to push anything, ‘cause i know you’re upset and stuff, but i just… thought you should know.”

you clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth and let out a dark chuckle. “yeah, they are quite pretty. thanks for saying that. i get it a lot, but it’s nice to hear it from- from you.”

“i hope you know that beauty isn’t all there is to you. you’re thoughtful—thor explained all the meanings behind the flowers and you even matched the colors up for everyone… you’re crazy smart—you read a farmer’s almanac and i don’t know anyone as good as biology as you; i suck at bio. and you’re really, really strong.”

you looked up at peter, bewildered.

peter’s face fell when he saw your expression of confusion. how could you not see your own power and endurance? timidly, he stepped forward until his chest was a foot from yours and brought his hand up to straighten your tightened eyebrows. 

“don’t look at me like that. don’t look at me like you can’t comprehend your own capability.” peter’s thumb traced down your face—starting at your eyebrows, down to your eyes, where he wiped the remnants of your tears, gently circling over the curves of your cheeks, down to your jawline and trailing to your chin, where he took it between two fingers and tilted your face upwards so he could admire you properly.

“the rest of the team might make jokes, but they’re being close-minded. they talked about isabella, right? well, she grew these stems that encircled the entire house; so strong that they could carry both her and mirabel and it was like they were flying, y’know? a-and perfuma was like, a warrior princess that could choke people out with her vines and whipped them unconscious and could stab people with thorns—i’m kidding, it’s a kid’s animated series. but you get the point. there are possibilities, and just because you can create beautiful, delicate masterpieces doesn’t mean you’re shallow and fragile.”

as peter rambled, you had to bite your lip to stop the beam that was fighting to escape. you wanted him to talk forever, and you were scared that if you looked like you felt better, he’d stop with his words. admittedly, you loved the praise. but you loved the sound of peter’s voice and his loving caress and the way he seemed to believe in you—maybe even more so than yourself. 

“peter,” you whispered hoarsely, letting yourself smile. “thank you, peter.”

peter swallowed thickly, having not thought ahead to what would happen after he spilled his guts out about his admiration of you. “uh, you’re welcome?” his voice cracked embarrassingly.

you gave no reaction. instead, your eyes seemed to soften. “i’m sorry i didn’t make a crown for you. i didn’t mean for it to seem like- like i didn’t care.”

peter’s eyes flickered across your face, looking for any sign of a lie. he didn’t want you to reassure you out of pity or because you felt obligated to after he’d complimented you. he cracked his knuckles, feeling the confidence he’d exuded a minute ago begin to die.

you grabbed his hands and forced his fingers to unclench from his palms, your own fingers running over his skin. your fingers were calloused from the time you spent outdoors, tending to your variety of plants, and it only heightened his belief that you were more than just pretty, that you were just as durable and strong.

“i didn’t know what flowers to use,” you said lowly, unable to meet his eye. “‘cause red roses are cliché; well, roses in general, and tulips and lilies have been overused, and baby’s breath seemed kind of bridesmaid-y, and- and carnations remind me of mother’s day, and you’re not my mother, so i just-”

“hey, it’s okay,” peter reassured. “i won’t lie, i was worried at first. i thought you just completely forgot about me, which is ouch. but it means a lot that you cared… so much.”

you squeezed his hands tighter. peter felt something tickle the fleshy inside of his palms and looked down curiously. slowly, your hands moved away from his and he watched in amazement as little buds began sprouting from your hands and falling as they made their way into full bloom.

daisies and their stray petals littered the floor beneath him, and peter tried his best not to move in fear of crushing one of the flowers. you looked equally surprised, but quickly caught your bearings, and when peter looked back up at you, you were holding a little bouquet of misshapen, droopy daises with a shy smile. 

“so you don’t crack your knuckles,” you explained. “and because they represent new beginnings and, um, true love.”

peter’s face contorted as he took the flowers from you, fingers brushing over yours. you examined peter’s expression intensely, heartbeat skipping as you followed the way his face seemed to twist and morph into something similar to disgust.

but when peter held the daisies up to his nose and made a big show of smelling them, bringing them down from his face to reveal a huge, bright grin, you allowed yourself to indulge in one of your own.

“i take it you like it?” you muttered, shuffling closer as petals shifted beneath your shoes.

peter nodded, wrapping the arm that held his flowers around your back to pull you even closer. it was like you could feel the warmth emanating off him. he was like sun.

“i like it a lot. not as much as i like you, though.”

“i gave you a gift, didn’t i?” you breathed, eyes bright with anticipation. “do i get anything in return?”

peter hummed. “well, what would you like?”

you rolled your eyes at his game. “surprise me.”

neither of you was surprised when your lips met, initially brushing against each other like hesitant spring sprouts, before exploding into colorful, passionate blooms.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

peter parker masterlist | main masterlist

taglist:

@bambamwolf87 @yourallihave @im-a-slut-for-fluff @cowboibeepbeep

[kolebrew]

I'm Your Ken, Barbie Pt. 1 | Gojo X Reader

summary:

When you wake up and realize that everything is pinker then usual you find yourself concerned with more than just your dream house.

There are many kinks, and sexual activity past the first chapter... please be advised.

We are Black/POC in this household.

Every Barbie needs a Ken. Gojo is your ken.

'What the hell is that noise-'

“Ughhh who’s playing music it’s so early” No matter how many times you yell for your roommate to turn the volume down the music keeps going, in fact it feels like it's playing everywhere all at once. You love Lizzo but you don’t love Lizzo right now. Your pillow is over your ears and when you realize that the music is still going for what feels like forever you yell and you just want to scream. You adjust the pillow over your ears and can feel that your bonnet has come off your head.

‘So everything just got worse i see-FUCK’

“WOULD YOU SHUT I-”

You were completely stunned, more than stunned you were shocked. Suddenly you couldn’t even scream.

Oh yeah and everything was PINK! Or at least that's how the song that was playing went. Dam, maybe the song was catchy.

You slowly get off the bed and you refuse to address that the bed was a hot pink circle and your bed frame was a pastel heart. You were continuing to analyze the satin sheets and fuzzy rug when suddenly…

“HI BARBIE”

“AH!”

You tripped over your feet and fell next to the bed, when you sit up on the floor and crouch behind the bed you look to see who yelled “Barbie”

“Who the fuck is Barbie??” you ask yourself. When you look up you realize the room you were in had no walls, in fact the surrounding houses also lacked walls yet there was no draft coming in.

‘Wtf’

When you lock eyes with the woman who appears to have been the one who yelled at you the music seems to lower and the upbeat funk quiets enough for regular volume conversation?

“Um h-hi”

you see her waiving at you and so you wave back awkwardly before hiding behind the bed. You try to think of what to do, one minute you are sleeping in your bed in your apartment and next you are… apparently wearing a silk baby pink sleeping gown. Everything about this was ridiculous and pink. You try to think of your first course of action, which happened to be getting out of this gown and changing into something less… pink.

You were in a weird situation and have yet to process any of it yet you feel a very weird and sudden urge to take a shower and have breakfast? When you strip from the gown that was somehow your exact size you step into another pink room with a shower in it and well, water doesn’t exactly come out but you will NOT question that or open another can of worms. It felt like you had a daily routine and you were sidetracked, everything felt weird. When you go to the closet in your room you are glad to believe that maybe there will be something other than pink, you were right because there was the color blue… a lot. You try to forget it and switch to the simplest dress you can find and there are many dresses. You did look nice in them.

‘Okay, let's get the hell out of here ' you thought to yourself when you looked at the fridge and everything was plastic, you weren't a fan of eating plastic.

The only thing left to do was figure out how to get out of what looks like a play house, to your right is stairs and to your left is a slide… when in Rome you guess. You brace yourself from the top floor and take off the very uncomfortable pair of heels you had put on to of course match your outfit because what else would you do. You hold on tight to your dress and heels as you make your way down a very long long set of loops and turns.

By the time you make it down there you are greeted by another woman in what is an outrageously gorgeous dress with her hair pinned up and styled without a hair out of place. It’s with that you realize you didn’t do your hair and you didn’t wake up with a bonnet so your hair must be-

“I love your hair Barbie!” you wonder what it is she just said. “Oh- um me?”and she nods her head with a big smile, when you feel your hair you realize that you have a large curly and kinky set of hair…and oh my god it feels amazing to you. “Thank you… Barbie?” “You’re welcome Barbie!”

That’s when the realization dawned on you. The pink life sized playhouse, plastic food, no water, perfect hair and clothes and-

‘Oh my god im a Barbie’

… You find yourself wandering and come across a huge beach with waves that shined like plastic because they were plastic, then if it couldn’t get any weirder a ‘Barbie’ comes up to you and says “Oh there you are Barbie, I’ve been looking all over for you, your Ken is looking for you.” with a smile she turns her head and points at a figure coming out from a shack.

“Oh my god” “Who’s god?” “No one Barbie.”

You walk a little closer and until you could get a good look at the man in front of you. He was something but definitely lived up to the Ken name. When he got close enough to you to shoot you a smile you faltered.

“Hi Barbie” his voice was smooth like silk and even though you weren’t a small girl he towered over you.

“Hi Ken.” was all you could let out

“Can we talk, back at your dream house Barbie.” your mouth was wide open but you managed to respond. “Yes Ken.” he led the way although it was technically your dream house, when you appeared in front of the steps he smiled wide at you.

“Barbie, i’ve been looking all over for you, i’ve searched for you.”

“Oh okay, I'm sorry I dont know whats going o-”

“I wanna be boyfriend girlfriend with you. You are my Barbie, Barbie.”

You didn’t know what else to say once again and this time he held the tips of your fingers of both hands, so the most responsible thing you could say was- “okay Ken.”

His smile fainted into a smirk and he stepped even closer to the point you had to lean your head back to avoid touching the tip of his nose with yours. As he moved his hands up your arms to grasp you he says. “I picked out a name for myself that you can call me, that I would like if you called me.”

“What’s your name?” you couldn't help but wonder.

“Gojo Satoru, I’m your Ken, Barbie.”

[melonteee]

How do you feel about people making the girls of the Strawhats the “moms” of the crew?? Like, “they’re the only ones who do anything and take care of all these useless boys and are so smart and perfect” kinda thinking? I know it’s a thing that tends to happen with groups like this and I actually get really annoyed when I see it applied to the Strawhats. Like Robin, I can maaayyybbbeee see it? Like when she fed Luffy that piece of her lunch in Pink Hazard. But then I see Nami being assigned the “mom” role and I’m like. Why.

Anyway what are you’re thoughts on this?

I hate it so much because EVERYONE looks after the crew in their own ways, like the Strawhat with the most stereotypically motherly role is literally Sanji LMAOOO but they ALL look after each other. Nami especially being designated the 'mother' just because she's a woman in the crew rubs me the wrong way so bad when she's literally just as irresponsible or ridiculous as the others sometimes 😭😭

It's so funny because she's the little sister of her family with Bellemere and SHE LITERALLY ACTS LIKE ONE!!! I'M THE LITTLE SISTER OF MY FAMILY I'D KNOW HAHAHA she's literally only 'motherly' to children due to only being nice to children, it's not some womanly instinct she has to be motherly to everyone UGHHH

[wh0lemilk0vich]

May I propose to you: Ian works at a victorias secret (for some reason i feel like he'd be really good at that job). Mickey is mall security. Are you seeing my vision here .... ......... is this anything......... if you're not vibing with lingerie aspect it could just be girls pining after Ian while he drools at mickey walking past on patrol..............

.........

Oh my God I'm in love with this!!

Like absolutely Ian would be that gay boy working at Victoria's secret. I feel like if he worked on commission he'd be such a good salesman and get so many upsells or just huge purchases from being able to be eye candy and a stand-in gbf for the ladies.

Mickey is always hanging around the tills with Ian, shooting the shit when he's bored cause nothing is going on. He'll be chatting with Ian and someone will make some passive aggressive remark about him changing the energy in the store, implying like he shouldn't be in there if he's a straight dude, like just perving on girls, so when he says goodbye to Ian he tugs him down for the most ridiculously lurid kiss, and gives him a smack on the ass for good measure, "Catch you in the food court, carrot top."

Lunches at the food court 🥰🥰🥰 I legit stupidly love food court food and I just want Mickey to be able to get all his favorites sitting in the pretty glass atrium with an orange Julius and a crazy overfilled combo from Panda Express or the teriyaki/stir fry places that are in every food court, shake shack, auntie Anne's, cinnabon, Ian gets pissed when he eats Chick-fil-A, but the franchise owner is actually really cool and chill. Ian still tells him he's eating homophobe chicken.

Ok but also also, I love the idea of Mickey in a cute little security uniform, patrolling around, looking cute and soft and suburban. But now I also want Ian to get him into some lingerie 🤤🤤🤤 like Mickey's big fat ass in some knickers or boy shorts, and popped into a pushup bra, like ughhh check please!!