kofoedboesen6-blog

[cheerfullycatholic]

On his way out to his cabin my brother saw a raccoon by the chicken house and shot her as she ran into the glen. There will always be more but at least for tonight the birds are safe!

[princesssarisa]

10 facts about Shana and her mother Darika. Plus the full OC interview with each of them :)

Here they are! Shanna, the “Beauty” of my wlw Beauty and the Beast retelling (which still lacks a definitive title, though I intend it to include the word “rose”), and Darika, her mother.

Shanna 10 facts 1. She is 14 years old during the story’s prologue, 17 when the main plot starts, and 19 by the end.

2. My facecast for her is the late Israeli singer Ofra Haza (best known to some of us for providing the voice of Moses’s mother Yocheved in The Prince of Egypt) when she was very young.

3. She’s mixed race. Her mother’s ancestors were white pseudo-Europeans, while her father’s came from a Middle Eastern-inspired culture. Both practiced the same Judaism- and Shamanism-inspired religion, though. She’s her world’s equivalent of a Jewish person who’s half Ashkenazi, half Mizrahi.

4. Her name is partly a variant of the Yiddish “Shaina,” meaning “beautiful,” and partly an abbreviation of the Hebrew “Shoshanna,” meaning “lily” or, more significantly, “rose.” It has nothing to do with the Hebrew “shana,” meaning “year” – they’re just almost-homonyms.

5. Unlike most traditional Beauty and the Beast Beauties, she’s the eldest of three sisters, not the youngest. Her two sisters aren’t wicked, but they are a bit of a handful because they’re so young, and she’s had to be their responsible caretaker. She plays that role well – her little sister Zuri sooner calls for her than for their mother when she needs help – but it’s kept her from fully exploring her own potential, which she finally does get to explore during her time with Liriel, the lady beast.

6. Her personality is very much like Disney’s original animated Belle: bookish, sweet, emotional, full of dreams, yet intelligent and strong willed too. She’s more socially awkward than Belle, though, and unfortunately, she also has the self-doubt of Robin McKinley or Megan Kearney’s Beauties. Unlike Belle, she’s internalized the idea that she’s odd and oversensitive, so she tries to act like a “normal” down-to-earth villager, until the year she spends with Liriel makes her realize her worth just as she is.

7. She’s an aspiring author and poet. At age 13, before her family fell into poverty, she wrote a play based on the popular story of the heroine Lady Yasfira, portraying her as more flawed and dynamic than in most retellings, giving more sympathy than usual to the “evil” queen who opposed her, and portraying them as having once been friends. (Think either The Prince of Egypt or Wicked, or both.) The play was never performed at the time, but years later, with Liriel’s encouragement, she fine-tunes it, and then they perform it together for Liriel’s animal servants – this plays an important role in their growing feelings for each other.

8. She rarely lets herself get angry, but when she does, she can verbally annihilate you.

9. She realized she was bisexual at age 11 when, after her first crush on a boy at her school ended, she developed a new crush on a girl. She probably realized this more quickly than most real-world bi girls do, because the setting, Zalina Island, has no homophobia. She never acted on her crushes, but only out of shyness, not because she saw anything wrong with liking girls.

10. Despite her gentle personality, she’s not especially femme: she’s more soft butch, or maybe futch. She dislikes dresses (fortunately, Zalina Island has no taboo against women in pants) and generally wears just one or two feminine articles, like a shawl or earrings, with otherwise boyish clothing.

Interview (as she would answer it around the middle of the story)

What did you want to be, when you were a kid? There were so many things I wanted to be at different times. A queen, a princess, a duchess, a prophet, a traveling bard, an actress, a shepherdess, a farmer, a lady knight, a prime minister, a priestess, an acrobat, a cook, a kitchen maid, a dressmaker like my mother, a merchant like my father, a doctor, a midwife, a goldsmith, a fairy… and eventually, I realized that the one way to be all those things was to be a writer.

When did you know you wanted to be a writer? As soon as I was old enough to realize that stories didn’t come out of thin air, but where written by people. I wanted to do it as soon as I knew I could.

Who inspires you? My mother, my father, and a wide array of fictional heroes and heroines.

If you got to choose, where would you like to live? With whom? I’d love to live in a castle. I try not to care where I live as long as my family is with me, but my dreams of living in some splendid beautiful place never seem to die. I wouldn’t want it unless my family was there too, though.

Which item would you never give away? My journal, where I write down my secret thoughts, poems and stories.

Tell us about the biggest mistake you made in your life. Until recently, I might have cited the time I forgot to write an important history essay for school because I got lost in writing my play Yasfira and Anefri. Or else the time I lost my temper with my three-year-old sister Zuri and hurt her feelings so badly that she ran away and was missing for over an hour. But now, there’s no doubt that my worst mistake was asking Mama to bring me back a unique flower if she could find one on her trip to the city. Who would have thought a flower would cost so much?

Did you ever fear for your life? Yes, the moment when I saw Lady Liriel for the first time, after I followed Mama back to her lair – half wolf, half dragon, and entirely terrifying – and even more so, when she sniffed the air and I knew she smelled me hiding there.

There’s people who say you’re strange. Do you have any comment on this? I’m afraid it’s true. So often my imagination feels more real than the real world, my mind flies off to places that no one else believes exist, my emotions swell and crash like tidal waves no matter how much I try to swallow them and put logic first, I’ve always asked too many questions, and I feel less alone with only my books, paper and pen than I do in crowds of people.

Tell us something about you that nobody knows. Well, not many people know how strange I am anymore. I’ve learned to copy Mama and pretend to be as sensible and down-to-earth as she and our neighbors are, instead of spewing my feelings and dreams the way I used to. If the villagers knew about my romantic fantasies or the stories and poems I write in my head, they would laugh or scold even more than the people in the city did when I was small. 

What would make a perfect day for you? A few hours spent reading, a few spent writing, and maybe a trip to the theatre in the evening, with people who understand me and let me feel free to be myself.

Darika 10 Facts 1. She takes on the father’s traditional role in the Beauty and the Beast story. Her husband was a merchant, but he died in the same shipwreck that destroyed his merchandise and left the family impoverished. But a few years later, she learns that one of his ships survived after all, has to travel to reclaim its cargo, but gets lost in a forest… and we all know the rest. Recent BatB retellings have put a lot of effort into answering the question “What happened to Beauty/Belle’s mother?” in interesting and poignant ways. To be different, I thought “Why not make her mother the living parent?”

2. My facecast for her is the New York City Criminal Court judge Rachel “Ruchie” Freier. Not that I know much about Judge Freier, but her face look right for the character.

3. At the beginning of the story, she’s 35 years old. By the end, she’s 40.

4. She was born in a small, poor village at the base of the White Pine Mountains. Her parents died when she was a baby, so she was raised by her grandfather and her older sister, who have since died too. 

5. She worked as a seamstress in the village until she met and fell in love with a wealthy young traveling merchant from an elite port city. Despite the disapproval of his social circle, they married. After his death, she took their daughters back to her home village to start a new life.

6. Her impoverished upbringing and family tragedies have toughened her. She takes a very practical, hardworking, no-nonsense approach to life, tries to teach her daughters to do the same, and is calm and resolute in the face of hardship, focusing on “What are we going to do about it?” She sometimes loses patience with her daughter Shanna’s dreaminess and sensitivity, which makes Shanna, who adores and idolizes her, feel inadequate and weak.

7. Inside, though, she feels just as deeply and intensely as Shanna does. Her love for her family is limitless and she’s actually very dependent on Shanna, who fills the role of the family’s nurturing caregiver more than Darika’s temperament lets her do.

8. One thing she and Shanna have in common, which Shanna learned from her, is strong integrity and deep compassion for others. For her, the best part of being rich was all the good she could do for the poor, while the hardest part of becoming poor again was having so little to give to those even poorer.

9. Her sewing is more than just her job – it’s an art. She embroiders the clothes and quilts she makes with all kinds of colors and unique designs. The vibrant images she creates are an outlet for the emotions she doesn’t express.

10. Her personality is inspired by assorted beloved literary heroines, both classic (Jane Eyre, Elinor Dashwood) and modern (Tamora Pierce’s lady knight Keladry of Mindalen). For all their differences, and though they’re much younger than Darika, all these heroines are quiet, practical, dignified, staunch in their integrity, deeply caring and passionate on the inside, and yet with masks of stoic self-control that they only drop when intensely provoked. I like those heroines and admire them, yet sometimes their popular role model status annoys me, because it’s hard for a highly sensitive, naturally effusive person to act like them. So Darika pays tribute to them, but the story will also emphasize that her daughters don’t need to be like her.

Interview (as she would answer it around the middle of the story) What did you want to be, when you were a kid? A forest sprite or a good witch. I had a wild imagination in those days, before the real world tamed it.

When did you know you wanted to be a seamstress? When I first learned that the flowers and birds on my childhood quilt hadn’t sprouted there by themselves, but were embroidered by my mother, and that the storytelling tapestries that hung on the village temple walls were sewn by other villagers in the same way. I wanted to create beauty like they had, and to tell stories through pictures, while at the same time creating useful things for others: clothes, blankets, handkerchiefs, etc.  I think I willed my own talent for sewing into being to do just that.  

Who inspires you? My older sister Shanna; the namesake of my daughter. We lost our mother very young, so she took on the role of mother for me, and every day her love and strength have inspired me as I’ve raised my own children.

If you got to choose, where would you like to live? With whom? I would live in a clean, elegant, comfortable house with my daughters, a servant or two, and my husband, if only I could bring him back.

Which item would you never give away? My wedding ring.

Tell us about the biggest mistake you made in your life. Three of them, one directly after the other. First, when I was lost in the Great Forest during a storm, I took shelter in what I thought was an ordinary cave. Then, when I found that the inside looked like a castle, I should have turned and left; even then I knew that such an enchanted place would be dangerous. But I was cold, wet, and afraid I would die if I went back out into the storm, so I stayed. Last but not least, when I discovered the greenhouse garden in that castle-cave, I crept in and picked a rose as a gift for my daughter Shanna. Who would have dreamed a single flower would cost so much?

Did you ever fear for your life? I feared for my life when I was lost in the storm, but even more so when I came face to face with Lady Liriel. I’ll never forget the sight of her matted fur and vampire-bat fangs as she glared down at me.

There’s people who say you’re cold and stony. Do you have any comment on this? They don’t really know me.

Tell us something about you that nobody knows. Very few people fully know me, not even my daughters. I play the role of the calm, practical peasant woman, but it’s only skin-deep. Shanna thinks all her wild passions and romantic dreams came from her father, but really she inherited them from me too. My grandfather knew the secret me, and so did my sister, and my husband. But they’re all gone, and as I’ve buried each of them, I’ve buried those aspects of myself more deeply.

What would make a perfect day for you? A quiet day of embroidery by the fire at home, with my daughters all near me and all happy.

[pilot-boi]

Shouting In Cafes: Chapter Sixteen

Twenty Questions

Sun asks Neptune some questions, and then Neptune asks some of himself

AO3 LINK

“Fine. I’ll go first.” Any question. Any question in the world. Not that he really wanted to know much more about Sun in the first place. Neptune pursed his lips for a moment before speaking.

“What’s your favourite colour?”

Sun snorted. “Of all things, you’d go for that?”

Neptune crossed his arms defensively. “Well, you did say the whole point is to ask random questions.” 

“Fair, fair. It’s blue.” 

“Wow. Who could’ve guessed that?” Neptune deadpanned.

Sun stuck his tongue out. “Yeah, yeah, shut up.”

“No really, I never would've guessed!” Neptune snarked, eyeing Sun’s bright blue shirt, and thinking of his car. The amusement that slipped into his voice must’ve been an accident.

Sun crossed his arms. “God, whenever you do that it feels like you’re staring into my soul.”

“Whenever I do what?”

“Look me up and down like that!”

“I do that?”

“Yeah! All the time!”

Neptune suddenly felt very self conscious himself. Neptune, you thirsty fuck. He tried to rub the red off his cheeks. “It’s because your fashion sense is awful.”

“I look great.”

He did. “Nope.” He really did

Sun flashed a smile. “That’s a lie and we both know it.”

That gave Neptune pause. Did he know? His eyes always looked so… something. Like he knew something and you weren’t in on the joke.

Could he know? Was Neptune that obvious?

Yes, whispered the voice of Scarlet in the back of his mind. Yes you are.

Shut up voice of Scarlet.

“Why’s that your favourite?” Neptune couldn’t stop himself from asking.

“Against the rules, no asking two questions in a row!” Sun said from his hands and knees, pointing an accusing finger in Neptune’s face

“I thought you said there weren’t any rules.”

Sun stopped in his tracks, his expression wilting slightly. “Okay, fair enough, you got me there,” he conceded, settling down to sit cross legged, his arms hugging Neptune’s pillow to him. 

Half of him wanted to snap at Sun to stop touching his things, and the other half… Well Neptune didn’t even want to acknowledge that half.

“I get to ask two questions, too then!” Sun demanded, as if there were rules now, and as if this mattered at all.

“Sure, fine,” Neptune shrugged, leaning back in his chair to place his empty cup next to Sun’s full one and wincing at the protesting squeak the old springs gave.

“Okay, first question. What’s your favourite colour, right back atcha!” Sun exclaimed, tossing his pillow at him barely before he had time to react.

He managed to catch it with a yelp of, “What the hell, dude?!”

“Just trying to keep you on your toes,” Sun grinned, winking at him.

“No seriously what the hell?!” he spluttered, fighting to keep his face from turning beet red at Sun winking at him. From his bed.

“You’re avoiding the question, bro!” Neptune was seriously going to smack that sing-songy voice right out of him.

“Fine. It’s red,” Neptune grumbled.

Sun looked surprised. Or whatever Sun-expression passed for surprise “What. Not blue?”

“Some of us are three-dimensional, dumbass,” Neptune replied dryly, barely resisting the urge to look at him from over his glasses and really nail home the superior tone of voice.

Sun stared blankly at him for a minute before giving a bark of laughter. “You did it! You made a joke!” 

Neptune flushed. “I can make jokes!”

“I’m so proud of you!”

“Shut up.” He chucked his pillow back at Sun, who unfortunately caught it much better than he had. “Just ask your next stupid question.”

Sun tucked the pillow under his chin and thought for a minute, before brightening immensely when a question occurred to him. “Here’s a good one! When’s your birthday?”

Neptune stiffened up slightly. He willed every bone in his body not to turn and look at the calendar where his birthday, amongst other dates, was very clearly circled in red Sharpie. 

No way in hell was he allowing Sun to find out when his birthday was. He’d bribe Jaune into silence. He’d even pretend to like Scarlet’s shitty pirate swords if it would ensure that Sun didn’t find out.

“Erm…when’s yours?”

“That’s not part of the rules, but it’s February 15th. Now tell me yours!” The teen insisted, leaning forward as far as he could without tipping headlong off the bed.

Sun’s eyes were sparkling. Bright and shining like a noonday sky. His face couldn’t seem to decide if it wanted to grin or just gaze at him hopefully.

“No.” He crossed his arms, determined to not say anything, to stay strong in the face of this man who seemed able to so easily melt all his defenses. “Not saying that one.”

“Come on, bro!” Sun complained, slumping in disappointment. “Of all times to deploy the no answering power. Please?”

Willpower? What willpower? God he was going to regret this.

“Fine… It’s tomorrow.” 

And he braced for the inevitable onslaught.

“It’s WHAT!?” Sun shouted, clapping his hands to his head.

Neptune groaned, pushing his glasses up to pinch between his eyes. “This is why-”

“But tomorrow! Why didn’t you tell me!?” Sun whined, flopping back down onto the bed and flailing his arms in the air.

He dropped his glasses back down. “Because you’d react like this! Also, you didn’t ask.” Also I didn’t want you to know.

“Well yeah, but how am I supposed to get something together now!?”

“You’re not. That’s the point.”

“Lame! We’re doing something! You deserve to have fun on your birthday!” 

“No, no, no.” Neptune said firmly. He was not in the mood for Sun’s idea of “fun.” Besides, he didn’t think his heart could take spending much more time with him.

“Yes, yes, yes! No arguments! I’m taking you out somewhere fun for your birthday, and you can’t stop me, so you should cancel work now!” 

He was like a dog with a bone, he just wouldn’t give this up. Neptune firmly squashed down the flutters in his heart at the prospect of Sun “taking him out” somewhere. 

This was not a date. Especially if he stayed strong and didn’t go. “Sun, I have to work.” Did he even have work tomorrow? Maybe he could call in to specifically request work, just to have a firm alibi. Yeah that could work.

“You work dawn to dusk like every day!”

 “Can’t you afford to take just one day off?” 

Neptune glared at him, feeling vaguely offended. He took days off. Maybe not as many as he’d like, but it did happen. “Some of us actually have to pay for college, idiot.”  

“Hey, that’s not fair-”

“And I can’t just call off work out of the blue!”

“Don’t worry about that, I’ll get my mom to do something,” Sun said, waving away the excuse. Another pregnant pause, while Sun put on his very best puppy-dog eyes. Damn those puppy dog eyes. Idiot probably didn’t even know he was doing it. “Please? Come on, bro!”

“It’s a no, Sun.”

Sun visibly deflated, face melting into… disappointment? Guilt? He drew his knees up to his chest and wouldn’t meet Neptune’s eyes.

Neptune sighed. “What are you doing?”

“Making you feel guilty,” Sun said, his voice muffled in his knees. “Is it working?” His eyes flitted up to meet Neptune’s for a moment, a truly absurd amount of hope brimming in them.

For a moment, Neptune just narrowed his eyes at him, scrunching up his face. The prospect of getting to spend his birthday doing something other than studying feverishly or working was a tempting one. 

But with Sun? The guy who he was crushing on, albeit reluctantly. Yeah, that right there was a recipe for disaster. And don’t even get him started on the field day that Scarlet and Jaune would have if they got hold of the information that Sun took him somewhere for his birthday.

Every bone in his body was telling him that he would regret agreeing to this. But then again, he’d thought he’d regret agreeing to the “race.” Despite all evidence to the contrary, he’d actually hadn’t. 

And… As much as he hated to admit it, Sun was a good guy. Pushy and overbearing, sure, definitely. 

But he’d seemed genuinely upset when Neptune had said no to his offer. Then there had been the thing with the race, he’d seemed genuinely worried about him. Screening all of his dates, to make sure that Neptune got a good partner. And then the other night on the stairs…

Stars reflecting in his eyes, holding his hand, catching him- 

What was the worst that could happen?

“Fine,” Neptune muttered, crossing his arms. “I’ll call off work, and you can take me somewhere for my stupid birthday.”  

“Hell yes!!” Sun leaped up on the bed, grinning. Despite his best efforts, Neptune couldn’t stop his lips from quirking up into a fond smile.

“Just you wait, it’s going to be spectacular!” Sun declared, pointing at him and jumping up and down, generally making a huge mess of Neptune’s carefully made bed.

“Spectacular?” Neptune asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow, eyes following Sun as he bounded down from the bed. God he was already regretting his. This was going to be a huge mistake.

“SPEC-TAC-U-LAR!” Sun repeated with gusto, clasping Neptune by the shoulders 

“Uh yeah, sure,” Neptune agreed, fighting to keep his eyes from flitting down to Sun’s hands. But god he was so close, there was nowhere safe to look.

Sun let out an honest god squeal and looped his arms around Neptune’s middle. “Thank you thank you thank you!!” 

“Hey, dude wait-!” Paying no attention to Neptune’s protests, Sun picked him up and twirled him in a circle before Neptune could do anything to stop him. Twirled him, like he was a god damn princess from a Disney movie

Neptune wondered if he weighed anything at all to Sun.

“This is gonna be the fucking best, bro!” Sun said, finally putting him back down. Sun’s eyes were bright with excitement, hair sticking every direction and flush high on his cheekbones.

Neptune was in shock. Sun was holding him. Sun was holding him, and was looking delighted as hell while doing it

“I’ll head back to my dorm now!” He’d released him, not that Neptune noticed, still standing frozen where Sun had left him. Sun bustled around the room, picking up his coffee from the desk and his flip-flops from the floor. 

“But you’d better make sure your crazy schedule is empty for tomorrow!” Sun warned him, pointing warningly at him as he backed out of the room. “I’ll text you or something, and we’ll do the thing. See you tomorrow for the best birthday ever!”

Neptune shook out of his stupor just in time to call “It’s a date!” after Sun’s retreating back.

“Hell yeah it’s a date!” Sun’s exuberant voice called from the entryway. “Oh hey, Scarlet!”

It’s a date. It’s a date?! Had he really said that?! How could he have said that?!

It had been instinct. Pure unadulterated instinct. That had to be it. No way did he actually think that this was a date. Sun was just taking somewhere for his birthday. By himself. As friends.

Had… Had Sun said it back? Or had he imagined that?

Scarlet poked his head through the door. He found Neptune standing there where Sun had left him, frozen in shock.

He glanced over his shoulder at the door Sun had just exited. And then back at Neptune.

“So… it’s a date?” Scarlet asked slyly, one eyebrow raised

Neptune’s face cycled past tomato straight to beet red. “Shut the fuck up!” He yelled, burying his face in his hands. “It’s not a date, it’s not like that.” Hearing no response from his roommate, he glanced up to see him just watching him, with a look bordering on maximum skepticism. 

“It’s not like that!” Neptune protested. “We’re just going somewhere for my birthday-”

“Oh, it’s we now?” Scarlet sounded more than a little amused.

“No! We- I- He is taking me somewhere for my birthday. As friends.”

“Yeah? Where’re you going then?”

“It’s a surprise,” Neptune said sarcastically, waving his hands and sinking into his chair.

“So, Sun, the guy you have a crush on who totally likes you, is taking you on a date for your birthday. To a mystery location,” Scarlet surmised, his thumbs already texting furiously. 

“That’s not what’s happening!”

“Oh really? Because it really sounds like it is.”

“It’s not.”

“Yeah it is.”

“No! It’s not!”

“He likes you, and he’s taking you on a date.”

“No he is not, Scarlet!” Neptune yelled. “Just let me explain-”

“Oh please do!” Scarlet said, gesturing to his phone. “Because you’re doing such a good job so far!”

Neptune bristled.

Scarlet grinned. “Uh huh. That’s what I thought.” Then he shut Neptune’s door with a snap and left him to stew.

This was not a date, he was not going on a date with another straight boy, just to have his heart get broken all over again.

Sun did not like him. This was not a date. Sun, straight-boy supreme, did not just ask him on a date.

Oh god but if he did, Neptune almost turned him down. Sun had looked really upset when he’d said no…

Yeah. This was a mistake. This was a huge mistake.

Neptune’s phone buzzed, and he picked it up with wooden fingers.

“did Sun just ask you out??!?!” read the text from Jaune.

Neptune threw his phone across the room. He glared at the wall when Scarlet laughed.

[jade-island-lives]

My Rainbow Soul: A Journey To Just Being Me (My Coming Out)

This has been in the back of my mind for such a long time. Seeing as it’s Pride Month, I thought that maybe I should talk about how I came out, my process with accepting who I was, and hopefully give people hope that things will get better.

Now, I won’t be using names or anything. But I will be talking about a lot of things. Lots of negative things such as abuse and anxiety. If you have a problem with this. Don’t read. I’ll be cutting it off here.

Ready? Okay.

Now, I grew up a small town that was pretty conservative. We lived where coyotes, rats, mice, skunks, and raccoons were a problem. A place where you could fish, hunt, and farm. Everyone knew everybody, and there was a real sense of community. 

I actually grew up pretty normal. I loved the Disney Princesses, Barbie, and even had a dollhouse. I had an obsession with two things however, mermaids and wolves. I LOVED those things to death. The story of Balto and how he delivered antitoxin to Nome Alaska was incredible, and I collected stuffed dogs to pretend I had a race team. And I had a love for all things ocean. I had mermaid dolls, sea shells, I collected sand dollars. It was a nice time. I also read a lot, and I drew a lot. 

Yeah, everything was normal. I played with my dolls and created worlds in my head. But looking back on it, I was a bit odd. I had a HUGE obsession over the Little Mermaid. Especially Ariel.

Every girl liked Eric. I liked Ariel. I dunno why, I just found her interesting. I wanted to be a mermaid like her and live with her under the sea.

In hindsight, that should have been the first clue

I didn’t even know the LGBT+ community existed until I was 12, (by that time I had dropped all things girly and gained a sense of tomboyishness because it just felt right and I loved all the boyish things other girls my age didn’t fuss over) and the way I found out was less than ideal. 

No worries, my family was, is, and always will be supportive of the LGBT+ community. But I found out about the community through, and this is going to be the dumbest thing ever. The Westboro Baptist Church.

You see, at that time I was on YouTube a lot. And when I was bored of watching the same Warrior Cat AMVs over and over (which was really rare) I would watch documentaries about strange things. Like mystery diagnosis stuff and serial killer things. (I swear, I was only a writer who needed ideas, still am.)  And one day in my recommended section was a documentary of The Worst Family in America. I thought “Oh how bad can they be?”

When I was done watching it, I was confused. Wait, two guys getting married? That’s a thing? And God doesn’t like that? Why? It’s not hurting anyone!”

Thankfully, my family shut that shit down, saying God made everyone for a reason and that he made no mistakes. I did more research on it, being my curious self, and found out that there was a whole community, that being gay wasn’t a choice, God made us as we were, all kinds of rainbows and love. Eventually, loving the LGBT+ community was everything, and I began to hate injustice towards those who couldn’t control who they were. 

I started getting inclusive in my writing then. Writing gay and lesbian characters, writing about Bi characters and Pans too. And even Trans and Aces. I started learning that there was a rainbow of sexuality and identity, and as we grow, we find a place among it.

Unfortunately for me, being a teen was a nightmare in so many ways. I had my friends, most of which were boys. And around that time, all the girls and guys started dating. I didn’t like guys in that way, never really did. And at the time I didn’t think about it. I was learning about my writing skill, I couldn’t be bothered. I was trying to figure out what I was good at.

But eventually, it caught up with me. 

People started asking if I was gay. And I always said no, but eventually. I found my first crush.

And it wasn’t a guy.

Every time I saw her, it was like butterflies. I could never think straight when she was around. I loved her.

And surprisingly, that scared me. 

I never really knew why until now. While I was and still am supportive of the LGBT community. I was well aware of the violence that came with it. The beatings, the discrimination, all of it. People have died because the world didn’t want to change. At the time, marriage wasn’t legal, and my life could be on the line in certain countries. 

In fear of the discrimination, I got in a relationship with a guy to keep suspicions off. I thought that maybe if I hid myself enough I would start to believe I wasn’t gay.

But the relationship was toxic. Emotionally manipulative and abusive. I don’t really want to go into it. For the longest time, I thought it was okay. If I could keep it up and make it work, eventually I would be happy. 

It was stupid. So stupid. To anyone out there, men, women, whatever. If someone forces you to do something you aren’t comfortable with, if you are AFRAID to be around them to the point where you walk on hot coals around them. If you are afraid of telling them something because of what you think they will say or do. Get out of it. Now. They don’t have to hit you to be abusive, women can do it too, and you deserve to feel loved and safe.

I broke free of it with the help of my friends, including my best friend in the entire world, but to this day I still feel terrible about it. How I lied, how I never spoke up, how I broke his heart. It makes me overlook all the times I felt pressure, all the times I was afraid to tell him how I felt. How I was afraid to be alone with him. 

I would be fearful of getting in any relationships. And because most of my friends were guys, of course rumors were spread. I always said that I wasn’t interested in anyone. And I wasn’t. 

I don’t remember struggling with my sexuality too much in my junior or senior year. Mostly because I was struggling with my mental health and I just remember nothing but sadness. A black fog over me that I let consume every bit of me until I was nothing but a shell that just appeared and disappeared. But it was there I remember. Crushes and hiding them, reminding myself that the world would not accept me.

Until the morning Same Sex Marriage was legal in the US.

I still remember the rainbow flags all over Facebook. The videos of couples crying, Obama speaking. I remember just tears, curling up on my couch sobbing with tears of joy. 

I remember thinking, “I can get married now. It's accepted. It’s okay.”

But there were still issues, there always will be. And I almost fell straight back into the closet. 

Eventually I was tired of people asking me if I was straight or gay, and so I just said I was Bi. I...felt it was safer. I don’t know why. 

For the record, I’m sorry I hid behind Bisexuality. It’s a misconception that Bi people are just gay people closeted or straight people experimenting. Bisexuality is a real sexuality and it needs to be respected as such no matter the relationship. 

I used Bisexuality because I wanted people to think I could still date guys and I wouldn’t be discriminated against. But I wasn’t Bi, I was gay. And I knew it. Please don’t think my experience is the same for everyone. Bisexuality is a real sexuality, a real feeling that people have. And it’s valid whether you are dating a man or a woman. 

At some point, something broke in me. I was tired of fighting it. I don’t remember the reason. Maybe it was my therapist telling me to be honest, the headache of living a lie, somehow I realized I that I was done not being me. And so...

I came out to my best friend by text. Tears in my eyes. I was met with overwhelming love and support. He told his family and I was met with so much love that way.

And then I told my family...who already KNEW. They had known since I was 12 and loved me no matter what. It was the sweetest thing, and I wish more than anything that I could go back and tell my past self that it would all be okay, to not care what other people think of me.

And if there is anything you can learn from this, it’s this. 

You may be afraid to come out or you can’t. And that’s okay. You don’t have to come out for anyone other than yourself. There’s no set time on accepting who you are. For some, it takes their entire lives. You may think you’re one thing, but then you discover you’re something else, that’s okay too. 

As I’ve always said, sexuality and identity are a rainbow, and a tricky one. But you will find your way. And no matter what, whether you are still in the closet or people don’t think your sexuality is real, you are valid, you are loved, and it does get better. And you CERTAINLY are welcome this Pride Month. <3 

It got better for me, and now I wear my rainbow heart proudly for everyone to see. So I may never hide in that nasty closet again.

[aomoviegeek]

Why are filmmakers and fans more concerned with plot twists over quality stories?

This is gonna be a long post, so get ready.

Let’s look at Star Wars. Personally, I really enjoyed The Force Awakens and Rogue One. I thought they were some great, fun movies with a lot of action, humor, drama, etc. in them. I thought the actors & actresses were great. The musical score was amazing. Rogue One also did a fantastic job at tying the prequels and originals together, bringing in Darth Vader, Princess Leia, Bail Organa, Grand Moff Tarkin, Mon Mothma and, although he was a Clone Wars character, Saw Gerrera. 

I thought both stories were well done and even though it seemed odd regarding the Skywalker/Solo family (Luke running away, Han & Leia separating and Kylo Ren turning to the dark side & idolizing his grandfather Darth Vader), I thought there was potential to expand upon it in Episode VIII and IX and give a realistic-enough explanation as to how these characters ended up where they were as well as find a way to include Rey in there, potentially as the secret daughter of either Luke or Han & Leia.

However, I am not a fan of The Last Jedi. I didn’t like it. And before you go off and say “Well that’s only because your favorite fan theories didn’t come true” or whatever bulls--t is said to TLJ haters, no, that’s not the case. There’s a lot of different reasons to dislike the film. All these different plot twists and surprises, most of which are completely unnecessary and they even destroy the characters we love from the original trilogy and The Force Awakens.

For example, they had Luke Skywalker - a Jedi Master who was the only one to believe there was still good in his Sith Lord father despite everything that’s happened in the original trilogy - try to murder his nephew because he could sense darkness in him but he wasn’t even fully dark yet. Luke could have tried to save him somehow. Maybe kill Snoke instead? After all, he was the one seducing Kylo to the dark side. Maybe bring Han & Leia over to spend more time with Kylo (since it’s been said Kylo feel neglected by his parents)? Maybe try to get in contact with Anakin’s Force Ghost so he can talk with Kylo (after all, Kylo idolizes his grandfather)? 

But what they did was absolutely stupid and an absolute disgrace to Luke’s character. Not to mention what a horrible plot twist it was. Why are filmmakers and fans so much more interested in plot twists and surprises than good, quality stories? Why? Why? WHY?!!!

Star Wars fans are usually like “Well I don’t want Rey to be a Skywalker because it’s so boring and predictable! I want her to be related to this character because it’d be so surprising!”, “I don’t want Snoke to be revealed as some other character because it’d be so dumb! He should be his own character!”, etc. But why are these fans - and the filmmakers as well (e.g. Rian Johnson) - so interested in plot twists and big surprises? Why can’t we focus on good stories?

If you ask me, had Rey been revealed as a Skywalker or a Solo instead, I think that would have made a terrific story and a great way to push forward the story of the sequel trilogy. It would mean she is the granddaughter of Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader. She now knows why she is so powerful. She was destined to learn the ways of the Force. Not only that, but if she was Rey Skywalker (daughter of Luke), it would create an interesting, emotional, heartwarming story-arc for Luke & Rey as father and daughter would reunite. The same would also apply for Rey Solo, the daughter of Han & Leia. Rey’s grief over Han’s death would increase, knowing he was in fact her father, and we also would have gotten to see a heartwarming mother/daughter reunion between her and Leia.

It would also create an interesting story-arc for Kylo Ren as Rey would be his cousin or sister and as a matter of fact, her being left on Jakku may somehow be connected to how he turned to the dark side. Maybe he felt guilty for what happened to her (thinking she was dead) and blamed Luke, Leia, Han and himself. Snoke used this pain within Kylo to manipulate him and turn him to the dark side. And when watching The Force Awakens, it definitely seems that Kylo has a familial connection with Rey. He Force-chokes a First Order officer when he brings up how a girl helped Finn and BB-8 escape Jakku (”What girl?!”), he took his helmet off for both Rey & Han and he noticed how strong she is with the Force, as strong as he is if not stronger. In The Force Awakens novelization, when Rey picked up the Skywalker lightsaber from the snow, Kylo looked at her and said “It is you”, so it seems he had come to the realization that this girl in front of him was in fact his long-lost cousin or sister. He even offers to teach her the ways of the Force during their duel. He wants the other grandchild of Darth Vader by his side to rule the galaxy. Just like how Vader wanted Luke (and later on, Leia in ROTJ) by his side to rule the galaxy.

And there was also potential to create a story-arc for Snoke that would connect him to the Skywalkers somehow. My personal favorite theory is (or rather was) that he is Darth Plagueis and the creator/”father” of Anakin. There’s already some pre-sequel trilogy information about him in that scene in Revenge of the Sith where Palpatine and Anakin are talking about him. It’s said that he was able to use the Force to create life and it’s even hinted that Anakin’s miraculous birth could have been caused by Plagueis. Maybe Plagueis used the Force and impregnated Anakin’s mother in an attempt to create the Chosen One himself. Then when the time came, the Chosen One would be found and Plagueis could seduce him to the dark side, making him a very powerful and very worthy Sith apprentice. It’s possible he may have even wanted to treat Anakin as his own son since he technically did create him.

But of course Palpatine had different plans and decided to seduce Anakin himself. So he killed Plagueis. Or did he? Perhaps Plagueis successfully faked his death and watched over Anakin/Vader, watching the rise and fall of the Empire and then once Anakin redeemed himself to save Luke and died, Plagueis saw it as an opportunity to come out of hiding and recreate the Empire as the First Order. If Plagueis wanted to treat Anakin as his son as much as he wanted him as his apprentice, then it makes sense: Plagueis/Snoke did it all for Vader. He did it for his creation/“son”. The Imperial officers, Stormtroopers, etc. He even seduced Vader’s grandson to the dark side and made him his apprentice. He created the First Order in Vader’s memory to finish what he started and rule the galaxy.

Then it would have all came full circle: Anakin Skywalker’s family (Luke, Rey, Kylo & Leia) had to face off against his creator/”father” and finally bring balance to the Force. You might not agree, but I think that would have made a terrific story. A great way to tie together the originals, prequels and sequels and a great way to end the Skywalker Saga so that Disney and Lucasfilm can make new stories about new characters. Three trilogies about the Skywalker family. A beginning, a middle and an end. Then it’s over. Time for new characters and new adventures in the galaxy to explore.

But unfortunately, that never happened. Instead, we got what The Last Jedi gave us. A bunch of unnecessary plot twists and surprises (some of which ruin the characters of both the original and new trilogies), the Skywalker bloodline is pretty much dead; the only survivor of the bloodline being Kylo Ren who turned to the dark side for pretty much no reason other than disliking everyone in his family besides his grandfather. Oh, and because Luke suddenly decided to kill him even though he didn’t do anything wrong yet and there were in fact ways to save him.

The characters were ruined, the Skywalker legacy has been destroyed, Snoke died without us finding out his backstory, Rey’s parents are nobodies (and we don’t even get a good enough explanation about them; it wasn’t something like “Your parents were students of Luke’s Jedi academy. The First Order attacked them and they left you on Jakku to keep you safe. They were going to come back for you, but they were killed in the fight before they could”. Instead, it was “Your parents were junk dealers who sold you for drinking money.”) And the new characters didn’t even stay there too long. DJ turned out to be a traitor and we’ll probably never see him again. Admiral Holdo (who was completely unlike-able during the entire film) sacrificed herself, so we’ll most likely never see her again. And Rose, well... if you’re gonna get rid of 2 of the 3 new characters, you might as well get rid of the other one.

And that last scene with the little boy playing with a broom and looking at the stars. WTF?! What is the point of that scene? Is that little boy going to be in Rian Johnson’s new trilogy? Is he supposed to represent the younger Star Wars fans who use toys, brooms, etc. and pretend they’re lightsabers? Is he supposed to represent that whole message people are passing along saying “Anyone can use the Force, anyone can become a Jedi or a Sith” (even though half of the people in the galaxy are actually NOT Force-sensitive and therefore they cannot become Jedis or Siths if they wanted to).

And besides that, if you really want a Force-sensitive hero who isn’t a Skywalker, there’s always Finn. Yes, it’s been hinted in The Force Awakens that Finn is in fact Force-sensitive and if he & Rey got together, they would not only make such an amazing couple but also a very powerful couple. Plus, if Rey was a Skywalker or a Solo, Finn could have married Rey and adopted one of the two surnames. Finn & Rey Skywalker or Finn & Rey Solo. So there you have it.

All these stupid plot twists and everything, all this unnecessary filler, etc. I’m sorry, I just really needed to get it all out of the way. They had a lot of potential with this movie and this whole trilogy. But they threw it all away. The Last Jedi was not worth the two years of fans arguing with each other over Rey’s parentage, Snoke’s identity, etc. It really wasn’t. It’s the worst Star Wars movie ever in my opinion. And it’s also sad that people don’t even care about good, quality stories anymore. They don’t wanna go into the movies and watch a heartwarming parent/child reunion or a well-written explanation as to why a specific character is on a specific side of the fight. They just want plot twists, surprises, etc. To them, it doesn’t matter if it changes the entire story for the worse. As long as their jaw drops, that’s all that matters to them.

[shanastoryteller]

what's a fire and how does it - what's the word? - burn

so i have this disney playlist i listen to usually when i’m driving and i was blasting poor unfortunate souls this morning and i was thinking

what if ariel didn’t sign the scroll?

because she’s about to, okay, and she looks at the paper. the parchment made of seaweed, the ones that’s specially treated to survive underwater. and she thinks of her cave of treasures, her books that remain perfectly preserved underwater. “no thank you,” she says slowly, becoming keenly aware of air of this place, of the not-people she’d seen who hadn’t been able to pay the price for sea witch’s bargain. “i – no. thank you. but no.”

ursula tries to convince her otherwise, but ariel runs. she goes back to her cave, destroyed as it was by her father’s anger, and thinks.

she’s the daughter of triton. her books never got wet, though she lives in the ocean. she feels a pull inside her, to the land, to somewhere else, but what if – what if –

what if she doesn’t need the sea witch or her father to perform magic for her? what if she has her own?

ursula had wanted her voice because that’s how she performed her magic. singing in this cave had given it powers and protection, and when she saved her prince from the sea – she sang then too, to keep him safe, to guide him back to life and away from death.

so she has magic. she only needs to figure out how to use it.

so that’s what ariel does now. she’s quiet and keeps to herself, and her father and sisters think that it’s because she’s upset with her father, that she’s busy licking her wounds. she’s moved on from that. she has no trident, and is uninterested with fueling her magic with the souls of the damned like ursula has. so she needs to figure something else out.

she does what she’s not supposed to do, and goes where she’s not supposed to go, slipping past the guards and patrols to the one place in the sea that is forbidden to all of them.

the crevice in the earth where what remains of her grandmother lives.

ariel goes to amphitrite, and the sea goddess is so much bigger than ariel, the size of great whale as she curls at the bottom of the sea floor, too old and too tired to do anything more than sleep. “granddaughter,” the great being croaks, opening an eye as blue and as unfathomable as the sea, “you look like me.”

“they say i look like my mother,” she says, and to herself adds: that’s why father can barely stand to look at me.

“you have more of me in you than your mother,” she says, and she shifts and pulls her mass of red hair over her shoulder. “more of me in you than your father does, even.”

“i have magic,” she says, pulling her bravery to the fore as she swims closer to her grandmother, “i want you to teach me how to use it.” amphitrite pushes herself up, and it’s the first time she’s moved in a millennia, and ariel notices for the first time that her grandmother isn’t a mermaid – she has legs.

she has legs.

“you have power,” amphitrite corrects fiercely, “and i will teach you to wield it.”

and so she does. ariel spends her nights by her grandmother, learning to harness the power of the sea that runs in her veins, and sleeps her days away while her sisters and flounder and sebastian grow more and more concerned, but she refuses to tell them why. she refuses to be stopped.

but her heart still aches. she fell in love with her prince, and she wants him still. so she swims to the edge, goes to the beach where his castle resides in the dead of night when her lessons with her grandmother are complete, and sings

. she’s careful not to let any magic leak through, only her voice. she does not want to enchant him. she wants him to love her as she is. so she sings, her voice clear and powerful and cutting through the air. she hopes he can hear it.

then one day a figure walks to the beach, and it’s him, her prince. “hello?” he calls out, “are you out there? are you – please, it was you that saved me, wasn’t it? won’t you come out and let me see you?”

so she does, waves her tail at him until he catches sight of her and takes hesitant, disbelieving steps closer.

“you’re a mermaid,” he says, eyes wide, “i thought i saw – but it couldn’t be.”

“i am, and it can,” she says, heart beating wildly in her chest. he’s just as handsome as she remembered, and she wants him just as much. “my name is ariel.”

“ariel,” he repeats, and pulls off his boots and goes wading into the water, watching her to see if she flinches away from him. she doesn’t, and his strides grow bolder. “my name is eric.”

“eric,” she whispers, and when he’s close enough he touches her, trailing fingers across the bare skin of her shoulder and tangling them in her hair.

when he kisses her, she feels powerful enough to undo the world.

so there’s that now, spending her nights with her grandmother and her prince, and she knows how to make her own legs now, could walk onto land and be made a queen among the two legged men.

but she’s a princess here first, and before she can do that she needs to take care of something.

ursula.

the rotten sea witch with her rotten sea magic won’t be allowed to torment her people any longer.

she tells her grandmother, and amphitrite smiles and says, “an excellent decision, child. i’ve enjoyed our time together, but i think it’s time for me to sleep once more. i’ve taught you everything i can.”

and tears prick ariel’s eyes, but she holds them back. she knew that it couldn’t be forever, that her grandmother can’t die but no longer desires to live and this is the in-between.

“you’ll be an amazing queen,” amphitrite murmurs, and closes her eyes for a millennia more.

this isn’t something to be done in the dead of night, although it would be easier to do it then.

she will make a spectacle of it, she will remind the sea that her people are not to be trifled with.

once upon a time they feared a blue eyed, red haired sea queen with the power to destroy them all. it’s time for them to do so again.

so she drives ursula to the center of the city. her sisters cower and people hide, and her father comes rushing forward to save her.

“you’ve committed great crimes against my people,” she says, not flinching as lightning gathers in the sea witch’s hands, “so now shall a great crime be committed against you.”

“foolish girl,” the sea witch snarls.

triton is yelling. he won’t get there in time.

he doesn’t have to.

she doesn’t need to sing anymore. instead she lifts her hands and pulls ursula apart without ever touching her, not only renders flesh from bone but also sets free the souls she’s been hoarding, reverses the magic done to those who’d fallen into the sea witch’s trap.

they all stare at her, her people, her father, and her sisters. she looks to triton and says, “i’m not a little girl anymore.”

he opens his mouth, closes it again, then says, “i can see that.”

all at once everyone’s perceptions are turned sideways about their youngest princess. she commands a power that even her father doesn’t have access to, she’s not depressed and dreamy – she’s powerful young woman who knows exactly what she’s doing.

so she does what she wanted to do, she gives herself legs and steps onto the sand and launches herself into eric’s arms. she becomes his bride, and the rumors run rampant of what she is, of where she came from, but they can’t prove anything and so they rule.

they live long, happy lives. ariel is his consort, his advisor, his wife, his tactician, and his best friend. all those years reading drowned books have certainly paid off. she ages herself along with her husband, bears his children and then teaches them they ways of her – their – people.

her husband dies, and she disappears, like the stories of selkie women that everyone whispers around her. their children give their father a sea burial, and vow to see him again one day. what they know and none of their subjects do is this – their father’s body isn’t in that casket.

she returns to her ocean, her legs form into her glittering green tail, and she goes home. she uses her terribly powerful magic, and brings her husband with her. she went from princess ariel of the sea to queen ariel of the land, and now she’s back again.

she’s not quite a teenager, but neither is she the old woman she pretended to be on land. she’s returned her and her husband to the prime of their life, and as she gained legs to be with him, he now gives his up to be with her.

eric becomes a merman, and a prince by virtue of being ariel’s husband.

she returns to her family and her world without missing a beat, and they all welcome her as if she never left, treat her husband with kindness and respect.

because they all know.

it doesn’t matter that she’s the youngest. when, far in the future, triton’s reign ends –

ariel’s reign will begin.

[jacobtmcelroy-blog]

Top 25 Anime Movies

Similar to the way I made my top 50 anime series list, I am going to list my top 25 anime films. This was another extremely tough list to make and several really solid films didn’t make the list. Several highly regarded anime films I have still yet to see (Your Name, Marnie, Princess Kaguya, Steins;Gate movIe, etc), so I will only be listing ones that I have seen personally. I am also holding off on anime films dubbed in the past year due to recency bias. (in the easiest way to explain possible [Boy and the Beast and Only Yesterday for example]...)  I promise I will try to limit the amount of Studio Ghibli films to an extent to give a little more variety... On that note, let’s get this list under way.

25. Dragon Ball Z: Broly - The Legendary Super Saiyan (1993)

I have watched the many DBZ movies many times, and admittedly most of them are mediocre to somewhat awful. A few stand out, but none of them stand out more than Broly - The Legendary Super Saiyan. The movie feature the title character Broly, who is by far the most interesting DBZ movie villain. Besides the solid villain, this movie features some of the best fights in the franchise alongside the series’ signature comedy and fun. (Dubbed by Funimation)

24. Tokyo Godfathers (2003)

So, what happens when a homeless gambler, a runaway, and a trans woman find a baby in a dumpster on Christmas? Well, one of the most down to earth and light-hearted of the great Satoshi Kon’s films. (will talk about him more later...) Tokyo Godfathers deals with some tough source material and has a nice twist ending. The comedy is also played up well from the main trio of unlikely heroes. While my least favorite of Kon’s four films, it’s still a really fun watch particularly during the Christmas season. (can’t seem to find an official dub of this one unfortunately)

23. Psycho-Pass: The Movie (2015)

The two season series I like to refer to as Se7en meets Minority Report released a movie in 2015. As one would expect from as great of a series as Psycho Pass, the movie delivers on most fronts. While the movie doesn’t bring all that much new to the table, it’s better than the second season of the show and is highly entertaining throughout. The bodies still explode when shot and the looming sense of “Big Brother” remains from the series. A reunion between two characters from the first season was the highlight for me personally. (dubbed by Funimation)

22. Redline (2009)

Let me get this out of the way first. Redline’s story has a lot to be desired. A LOT. However, the thing that makes Redline such an enjoyable watch is the incredibly unique and exhilarating artstyle and animation. Madhouse always has great animation work on all of their movies and shows (so good Madhouse was used in Kill Bill’s animated segment), but this could honestly be one of their finest works. The expressions of the characters, the violent racing of the many unique racecars (the focus of the film), and the nosebleed effects are stunning. Even if you don’t like racing or think the plot is lacking, Redline is worth a watch to marvel at its art. It’s pretty damn entertaining too.(dubbed by Manga Entertainment)

21. The Cat Returns (2002)

While not the deepest of all Studio Ghibli films, The Cat Returns is by far the funniest, at least in my opinion. At only 75 minutes in length, the tale of Haru, a clumsy high school girl, rescuing a cat prince is an underrated gem from the studio. The Baron, who first appears in Whisper of the Heart, appears here in a much bigger role, masterfully voiced by Cary Elwes. The film never takes itself too seriously, but it’s a blast the entire run time. Give this one a try if you’re in the mood for a quick, quirky anime film. (dubbed by Disney)

20. Millenium Actress (2001)

Ah, another fine work by Satoshi Kon. Millenium Actress is the story of the life of a now elderly actress who searched her entire life for a man she fell in love with at an early age. While the story has been done before, the aspect of Kon’s second film that makes it so great is the narrative and the way the story is told. Chiyoko, the main character, is being interviewed for a documentary on her life by a super fan and his less energetic cameraman. The interviewer and cameraman begin to actually appear in her flashbacks as characters in her many points in life, and it makes a really cool perspective. Not the fastest paced film, but Millenium Actress is definitely worth a watch. (dubbed by Bandai)

19. Summer Wars (2009)

Mamorou Hosoda’s name is another you are going to hear a lot the rest of this list. Summer Wars begins innocently enough with a girl making a guy pretend he is her fiance in order to please her family and mainly her grandmother. On top of this plotline is the criminal activity occurring inside an advanced social network named OZ, which the male lead happens to be a part-time employee of. After a malicious user begins to take over the network’s world and begins to leak into the real world and things begin to unravel with the family, everyone must overcome their differences and defeat the enemy. Hosoda’s film is entertaining, a nice family-building film, and looks great on top of it. On a final note, I’m really happy to see Funimation have the chance to dub a high quality film like this. Michael Sinterniklaas and Brina Palencia are both great as usual. (dubbed by Funimation)

18. My Neighbor Totoro (1986)

My Neighbor Totoro is an adorable film. That’s all there is to it. Totoro is the mascot of Studio Ghibli and maybe even Japanese animation for a reason. The film itself is very simple and bit odd, but that does not make it any less likable.There are just many fun set pieces put together including the famous umbrella scene, the climax scene with Catbus, and the sense of imagination and adventure you only feel as a child rolled in one.Of note, the newer dub by Disney is much improved and has solid early work by the Fanning sisters. (dubbed by Disney)

17. Cowboy Bebop: The Movie (2001)

Those familiar to the anime world most likely know of how good the series Cowboy Bebop is. Those who have not seen the series yet should do themselves a big favor and give it a watch. The Movie is almost as good as the series itself. It gets a little more talkie than it should at times, but otherwise Bebop: The Movie is a solid addition to the great space western tale of the Spike Spiegel and the Bebop crew. The best part of Bebop: The Movie (other than the stellar jazz score) is that it feels like a reunion. We thought there was nowhere else to go with the lovable cast of the series, but then this movie appeared and brought all of them back for one last hurrah. Oh, and the dub is still fantastic. Bang. (dubbed by Sunrise)

16. Kiki’s Delivery Service (1999)

Kiki’s Delivery Service was a huge hit when it was released in Japanese theaters in 1989. There is no wonder why. Studio Ghibli delivers another simple, but enjoyable tale of a clumsy, young witch named Kiki. I find Kiki to be one of the most likable Ghibli leads due to her great determination to accomplish something yet feeling like she’s not good at anything. Some nice set pieces and being thoroughly entertaining throughout makes Kiki enjoyable for any age. On a final note Phil Hartman turns in his final performance in an animated film as Jiji the cat. As one would guess, he’s great. (dubbed by Disney)

15. Porco Rosso (1992)

Similar to The Cat Returns, Porco Rosso is one of the less deep Studio Ghibli entries. But man, is it a fun one. Porco Rosso follows the adventures of an anthropomorphic pig nicknamed Porco, a former Italian military pilot, on his zany quest to fight an overconfident, but very talented Texan pilot named Donald. The main two characters, Porco and Donald, alongside good supporting characters are some of the most fun in any Ghibli’s film. This is aided by some great dub performances, specifically from Michael Keaton as Porco, Cary Elwes (again!) as Donald, and Brad Garrett as an unsuccessful pirate rival. Watch this one for some fun and the pig puns. There’s a ton. (dubbed by Disney)

14. Wolf Children (2012)

Wolf Children is one of the slower films on this list, but that does not make it any less good. Directed by Hosoda, same guy who did Summer Wars, Wolf Children is the most mature of his films that I have seen. While the initial subject matter of a woman having children with a werewolf (wolf form) sound a little strange and questionable, the rest of the film is full of heart as Hana raises her werewolf children on her own without any help. Through the highs and the lows, Hana grows and so do her children. As one can expect, the character development is really good here and helps lead up to a very satisfying, yet bittersweet ending. This movie may be a feels trip, but I highly recommend it. Funimation does another nice job here with one of my favorite performances from Colleen Clinkenbeard ever. (dubbed by Funimation)

13. Whisper of the Heart (1995)

Here I present what I feel to be the most underrated Studio Ghibli film to date. Whisper of the Heart was directed by Yoshifumi Kondo, which means this movie was the first hit from the Studio not directed by Miyasaki or Takahata. Sadly, this was the only film Kondo was able to direct for the Studio due to his unfortunate death only a couple years later. Kondo’s gem contains the least fantasy elements of the Studio’s films, yet it has one of the most taut, well-told stories of the group. WotH is a coming of age story with a focus on romance between a girl and the boy who checked out library books before her. Don’t miss this one like many people have. (dubbed by Disney)

12. Princess Mononoke (1997)

The placement of Princess Mononoke on this list may be controversial to many. (possibly because of the length...) However, that does not mean that I don’t love this film. Mononoke is a much darker and bloodier entry than most Miyasaki films, which I like for a change of pace honestly. The fantasy elements are strong in this entry and the characters are stalwart as well. Every character in the movie has different motivations and it makes for a compelling story. Everyone, good and evil, wants something for a different reason and the resulting clashes make a compelling watch. (dubbed by Disney)

11. Madoka Magic Movie 1: Beginnings (2012)

Don’t judge a book by its cover: the movie. Beginnings is a movie that covers the first seven to eight episodes of the wonderful twelve episode anime series. To those unfamiliar with Madoka Magic, this is no Sailor Moon. It’s kind of like the combination of Sailor Moon and Neon Genesis Evangelion, which makes for quite a different kind of magical girl series. One not for the faint of heart... What makes this film so good is the way each girl develops as a character and the way that each slowly unravel as worse and worse events keep happening. This is a great summary movie and a good alternative to those who prefer watching movies over series, even if the series is only twelve episodes. (dubbed by evil over-pricing Aniplex)

10. Ghost in the Shell (1995)

When Ghost in the Shell only finishes in tenth on a list, you know there is going to be true quality in your top ten. Ghost in the Shell is a cyberpunk/sci-fi classic that deserves the praise it gets. The Major is an absolute badass, the villain is pretty cool, and there are many memorable action scenes and mind-bending scenes. GitS is one the smartest sci-fi movie I have seen overall due to its exploration into what it is to be human. Why is this classic not higher? No clear reason. Maybe it is because I like the GitS: Stand Alone Complex series better than the film (one I notably forgot on my top 50 series list). Still fantastic nonetheless. (dubbed by Manga Entertainment)

9. The Girl Who Leapt Through Time (2006)

Hosoda’s first film is my personal favorite of the three appearing on this list. The Girl Who Leapt Through Time is a nice blend of the slice of life genre with sci-fi. When a normal, clumsy teenage girl in Japan discovers she can “time leap” backwards, she uses it in many fun and manipulative ways. As with most time traveling series and movies, this usually does not end well for the main character doing the time leaping. What makes Hosoda’s film so enjoyable is how likable the characters, particularly Makoto, are and how well the story is constructed. That is rare for a time travel story. Overall, this is one anime film I’d recommend for almost anybody. (dubbed by Bandai and owned by Funimaiton)

8. Howl’s Moving Castle (2005)

Howl’s Moving Castle is probably my first or second favorite movie released in the dreadful movie year of 2005. I’ll probably make another list one day to talk more about that. Anyway, here’s one of the more divisive Miyasaki films. Some think it’s amongst his finest while others put it near the bottom. Personally, I think it’s one of his best. The main character, Sophie, is trying to break a curse put on her by an evil witch that turned her into an old woman. She believes a young sorcerer named Howl may have the fix for her. While curses are a very common plot device in Ghibli films I think the execution in HMC is excellent. Not quite as excellent as Christian Bale voicing Howl’s giant bird form in his Batman voice, but it’s a close second. (dubbed by Disney)

7. Evangelion 2.22: You Can (Not) Advance (2009)

While every film up to this point have been really solid works, here is where we hit the top tier. I went through these seven and rearranged them several times and am still not sure if they are in the right order. Oh well. Here’s a fantastic film and sequel to start with. Evangelion is a sequel to the first Evangelion “rebuild” movie that retells the story of the story of Neon Genesis Evangelion. The first entry was great, but the sequel was a huge step up. What makes 2.22 so great is it fixed big issues from the original series and made the (f’d up) cast more developed and likable. (besides Shinji’s dad. He’s still an asshole) The art and animation is also beautiful. Watch this on blu-ray if you possibly can. (dubbed by Funimaiton)

6. Spirited Away (2001)

Not my number one, huh? Spirited Away is an anime film masterpiece. The ending being a little loose is the only thing I think holds it back a bit, but it did so much for anime in the United States that I can forgive it for that flaw. From the memorable characters and scenes, Spirited Away is magical. I cannot say much more that has not been said a million times, so I just end by telling you to watch this if you have not. (dubbed by Disney)

5. Parika (2006)

I would be lying if I did not say Satoshi Kon’s final film is one of the strangest I’ve ever seen in any medium. That being said, it is absolutely terrific. Paprika tells the pre-Inception story of entering dreams and the madness that lies within some minds. From its thrilling opening sequence to its explosive conclusion Paprika can be described as nothing less than a thrill ride. I struggle to talk about this one much without spoiling the entire film, so just do yourself a favor and watch it. Just don’t do it before bed like I did, or you’ll have really weird dreams. (dubbed by Manga Entertainment)

4. The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya (2011)

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is a classic, zany anime series that established slice of life character archetypes for a decade after its release. However, not everybody is as big on it as I am. Whether it is the mostly comedic feel, the Endless Eight arc (seriously, it sucks), or annoyance at Haruhi or Mikuru, most people see it as an imperfect series. However, I don’t hesitate to say The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya is as closest as you can get to a perfect anime series film. The film takes a more serious tone and uses it to develop Kyon, the main character, and Yuki, one of the more underdeveloped characters from the series. What results is a “It’s a Wonderful Life” type film combined with the best portions of the twenty-eight episode series. This film doesn’t feel at all like 160 minutes. It looks gorgeous too. Unfortunately, you have to watch the series to watch this gem. (dubbed by money-grubbing Aniplex) [NOT CURRENTLY AVAILABLE ON DVD OR BLU RAY!!!!!]

3. Akira (1989)

KANEDA!!!!!!! I do not think I have to say much here either. Akira’s reputation is so good even outside of the anime realm that I don’t think I have to say much. The animation to this day is stunning, the writing has inspired sci-fi/cyberpunk films to this day, and it’s one of Quentin Tarantino’s favorites. Just talking about it makes me want to go watch it again. Do yourself a favor and do the same. (dubbed by Geneon (RIP)/Funimation)

2. Laputa: Castle in the Sky (1986)

I have always loved Castle in the Sky. I just didn’t realize how much until recently. Castle in the Sky is the perfect blend of action, Studio Ghibli fantasy, and memorable peaceful scenes. Laputa’s plot is simple. A girl with a special ability and a boy who helps her race against a group of pirates and the military to find the fabled Castle in the Sky, which is supposedly filled with treasure. The pacing will please children and adults and only a heartless person could not find at least a couple of the characters likable. The main villain, Muska, is one of the most evil PG level villains I have seen in any cartoon movies. He’s voiced perfectly by the always terrific Mark Hamill, who sounds a lot like the Joker at times here... In conclusion, Castle in the Sky is a terrific fantasy film and a Ghibli masterpiece. (dubbed by Disney)

1. Perfect Blue (1998)

Now, this was my toughest decision of the entire year so far. No joke. After thinking about what would be my number one anime film for several hours, this one kept popping up near the top. The reason may be how inspirational this film is to my own writing. Maybe it’s the similarity to one of my favorite live action films of the last decade, Black Swan. Maybe it’s just a damn good film. Perfect Blue mashes the horror, mystery, psychological genres, and anime into a blender and produces a masterpiece. From the creepy stalker character (possibly the creepiest looking character ever drawn), to the lightpole dancing/hopping scene, to all of the actual murder scenes, Mima’s spiral into insanity is a journey unlike most others in film. Satoshi Kon directed this film and it shows. Perfect Blue encapsulates his use of gore, overall weirdness, nudity, and other elements for what I believe to be his best work. Like Madoka Magic and Paprika, this film is not for the faint of heart. Just a warning. If you think you can watch Perfect Blue, do it. You won’t regret it.(dubbed by Manga Entertainment) [NOT CURRENTLY AVAILABLE ON DVD OR BLU RAY!!!!!]

[jadewriters]

So Un-Pretty

When I was about four or five, my mom sat me down in front of the television and put on the movie Mulan. now I’m sure I had already seen that movie multiple times as I did have an older sister but for some reason this time watching it stuck with me. The song bring honour to us came on and my mom, sitting beside me on the couch looked over at me and said

“did you know we named you after this song?” in the song, beads of Jade, are used to represent beauty, or a least that is what the crazy grandmother was saying. In that moment, I had never felt more amazing and I had never felt more pretty, and I think that is why today I have such a strong idea on what beauty is to me (Now, by me saying beauty, I mean what makes me personally feel beautiful). I loved the idea of playing dress up because I could pretend to be this beautiful person, and be who I imagined I was going to be when I was older.

As I got older, probably more around the age of ten, it was the first time I had ever felt un-pretty, and that made my heart sink like the titanic. I was more of a chunky kid and I remember coming home feeling so ashamed of how my body looked and the way I felt towards myself. My teeth were not perfect and had awkward spaces in-between them, my hair seemed to never grow, I had no boobs yet (I know I wasn’t supposed to have boobs at this point, but I had a sister that was four years older than I was), and all around I just felt like an absolute mess.

Entering grade seven I think was the toughest time, because that’s when people really start to pick out your flaws. I started to think that people thought I was ugly and essentially not someone they wanted to hang around with. To make things worse, now I got my retainer for my mouth, and they didn’t just give me any ordinary retainer, no I got a colourful retainer that gave me lisp when I talked. As I bet you can assume, I did not feel beautiful after receiving that amazing gift.

Towards the end of grade seven I started to feel better about how I looked, I was still chucky, but I was figuring out my style and who I wanted to be and I decided to get bangs, which was the biggest mistake of my life, because in a time when I was trying to look older than I was, they made me look about six years old, and my friends at the point couldn’t even look at me without laughing. It was also around this time that I had my first real crush, and the guy knew one hundred percent, but I could just tell by the way he looked at me that he thought I was ugly, or maybe just not his definition of pretty.

Entering high school was a horrible time, because now instead of being surrounded by only a small number of people who were much prettier than me, I was surrounded by a majority who was prettier than me. My grandparents had also started to instill the idea of getting a boyfriend in my brain and saying the only way to get a man was to be pretty. I had also just discovered makeup, making the process of looking pretty more achievable, but still have people tell me I looked better without it.

So, I had to look pretty without makeup, look pretty with makeup, look pretty to get a boyfriend and look pretty to just get through life in general. 

Then this idea of being sexy came into play around the time I turned fifteen (which I don’t even want to touch upon but I feel as though it is important in this story). I was never the type of girl to wear revealing clothes because they just made me feel insecure, and so when people had brought up wearing clothes like that I would shy away, pretend not to hear them, or just leave the conversation as a whole. I didn’t think sexy was the type of beautiful that I wanted to be.

So how did I, an insecure seventeen-year-old learn to find beauty in other things when I couldn’t find anything in myself? the answer is not a clear cut one.

My mom always says that I can find the beauty in every person I see, and I believe that is true. You could be wearing sweatpants, a baggy t-shirt, no makeup and a bun in your hair and I could still see the sparkle that you had in your eye, or you could be wearing your fiercest outfit and your makeup looking amazing, and I could find the beauty in that. Buildings that were falling to the ground still had the quality to be an amazing picture, or a simple line of black paint showed how simple but wonderful life could really be. So, no matter who you are, what you look like, what you sound like, where you come from, I could find a part of you that made me think you were absolutely breath taking.

But I could never find that in myself. I have looked at myself in the mirror a million times trying to find parts of myself that I do like.

I could be wearing an amazing outfit and have amazing makeup on but I could still find that one piece of me that makes me feel so insecure. Every teenage girl goes through a phase of not feeling pretty, and some unfortunately can only feel pretty when they have a guy to tell them, I wanted to take a different approach. I wanted to feel beautiful because I thought I was, not because a guy told me I was. I am a strong independent woman, and I don’t need a man to tell me I looked pretty when I should already know.

This past year I started to come to school without makeup on, and saw that people would still give me the reaction I wanted from them without makeup as when I had makeup on. I started to not care if I looked cute before seeing a guy, because his opinion of me should not change my opinion of me.

My beauty is like Christmas lights, while someone else’s beauty is like a rose. They are beautiful in their own respects, but you can’t say one is more beautiful then the other, because they are both incredibly beautiful.

Now what you see is what you get from me. Sure, I am not one hundred percent confident in who I am, and I am never going to be Aphrodite to anyone, but I am more confident that one day I can be the person that I truly want to be. I may not be pretty but I still work the way I supposed to work, when I was born into this world.

Now, almost thirteen years later, talking to my mom, I asked her again if beads of Jade for beauty, was the only reason I got my name, and I got a little bit of a different response.

“You weren’t only named after the beads, but the representation of who the Disney princess of Mulan was.”

Mulan was the only Disney princess who fought along side men in a war, she did what she wanted to protect the people in her life, and it was her choice whether she was going to fall in love with the guy. She wasn’t afraid to admit to needing help, and she wasn’t afraid to leave the path that was laid out in front of her. She perused what she wanted to do and in the end, she saved China from the Huns, yeah Mulan is a pretty good movie to get my name from.

Now, as I look back at that little girl who used to play dress up in her room, I can see that what I was imagining about who I was going to be, was not focusing solely on my appearance. The little girl wanted to be a girl who could stand in front of a crowd and have them be awed at her words, she wanted to be a girl who could talk to anyone she pleased, be a girl who could do anything she set her mind to. Looking back at who that little girl thought I was going to be was not just something I wanted, but something I needed.