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stealthetrees · 7 months

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Okay I’ve snapped.

If you say Percy Jackson is stupid I will find you and make sure you regret it.

I have inattentive type ADHD. I was diagnosed in 4th grade and got put on medication. I did not think there was a difference but I got an award from the school for how much I improved. They didn’t know it was because of meds.

Before I was diagnosed I remember being on the verge of tears often at school because I got so frustrated that I couldn’t do work. I sat at my desk with the pencil in my hand staring at a worksheet physically unable to write the awnser I knew. I would stare at the question and like an optical illusion the rest of the page blurs together and I can’t even make out word anymore.

I thought I was dyslexic for the longest time because some fonts are so difficult for me to read. I could look at a recit, know it says lettuce, and it will not process in my brain. Unless I am a few hours away from a deadline it is nearly impossible to start assignments. Essays are hell.

You know those songs that have an American accent but are completely nonsense? That’s what it sounds like a lot when I listen to people talk. Usally I can grasp the general meaning but I can not tell you what word you just said.

Time is not real. I sit down, scroll through tumblr for maybe 15 minutes and my roommate asks why I’m sitting doing nothing for 4 hours straight. Full days disappear and I can’t remember anything that happened. I have no idea how long it takes me to do something I do almost every day.

I went two weeks at the beginning of the semester with meds that where 10 milligrams lower than my usual dosage. My grades still haven’t recovered.

THAT SAID. In cannon, Percy Jackson passed 13 years of school with high enough grades to be accepted to a university. Not medicated. Without accommodations.

So either the education system in New York is taylored specifically for people with ADHD, or Percy Jackson is a fucking geinios. I can’t spell.

So ignoring the fact that nearly every fight he won by outsmarting his opponent, let me tell you why.

In the books, he’s an introvert, sits in the back, tries to keep his head down but usually fails, gets detention often, and has been expelled multiple times. That’s not the kind of kid teachers go out of their way to help. He’s also unlikely to ask for help. So, despite his struggles in the classroom, he has never been held back or had to redo a grade as far as we know. And it’s pretty likely considering his age.

Add in the fact that he would be constantly sleep deprived from staying up very late (like from 10-3, based off my experience) and his dyslexia, Percy would need to be really good at retaining information after hearing or seeing it only once. That’s actually supported by his ability to memorize prophecies word for word after only hearing them once. We know Percy is bad at taking tests, so he would have to be really good at recalling information.

He also did it all unmedicated. I want to cry just thinking about it.

tldr, the fact that Percy’s grades where high enough to get into college means hes fucking brilliant

#percyjackson #percy jackson #pjo #adhd #living with adhd #Percy Jackson adhd #adhd brain #school is hard #especially in an environment built to torture you #adhd problems #adhd post #adhd Percy Jackson

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space-mist · 2 months

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hey i saw you talking about the group ‘isola radiale’ in the tags and i was thinking about joining it because i recently made a blog for a dead fandom that i am having trouble getting off the ground. is there any specific reasoning behind not joining a/that rp group? ( i have only ever been indie ) also, sorry for the random ask and for anonymous, i am shy;;

wow, i posted that a while ago! hello, anon!

i was in their precursor group, citta, and then in isola radiale itself for a time, and i did not enjoy it as much as i could've. namely because the folks at isola treat the rp like a full-time job.

all your benefits are locked behind activity after a certain point, with the highest rank taking a year of being there or MORE to access w its requirements. the activity checks were also pretty tough, but i had unmedicated adhd and was in college at the time of my attendance so i may be biased. you could go on hiatus for a week and iirc extend that for another only if you appealed for it, but generally them giving you the boot for having a life outside of goofy tumblr rp is. hm.

another issue i had which is of no fault of the admins was how cliquey it was, and how it fell into some trappings of tumblr rp stereotypes. you'd get people who would refuse to rp with you unless you were playing someone from their setting, or if you used certain fonts, posted icons in your replies, etc. it was pretentious and rude! you tended to have an even worse time if you were playing a purely original character, it was harder for me to get interactions with people (required for ranking up....) versus when i was playing a canon, yet minor character. i have no clue who you're playing anon, but you may be struggling because your character isn't recognized by many and you're new. starting out is the hardest...

overall, 6.2/10 experience, i had fun there but i probably would not go back. it gave me a hatred for strict activity enforcement. rp is a hobby, not something i should clock in for or risk losing my job!

#starly gets asks #anonymous

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kaelvas · 1 year

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I spent a long time hating myself and not thinking I could contribute anything positively lasting to the world. I flunked out of my English program at BYU due to severe depression and undiagnosed neurodivergence.

I had thousands in debt, was making just above minimum wage, and was eating once a day. I was unknowingly in a cult which constantly berated me to aim higher and do better, but not in a healthy or sustainable way.

I almost stopped. Death seemed like the best course more than a few times. For me, trying to help people kept me going. Financially, emotionally, I offered what I could and tried to pin down what I wanted from life and if I even deserved it.

I found a therapist who actually seemed to care and started really working through my shit. One of my biggest barriers was generalizing my shittiest experiences to my core personhood. "Because of x, I am a monster" or "I can never be whole because of y."

He taught me to separate all of that out and to realize I wasn't my worse days. Which wasn't enough, but it was a good start. I graduated my undergrad program during our work together and started working with suicidal veterans.

I later went back for my masters and met my wife before I started my first semester. Here. On Tumblr. I lost my job and internship because I couldn't keep up (depression, unmedicated adhd, and undiagnosed autism). Didn't get my autism diagnosis until 2022. This was Feb of 2020.

You know what that means.

The pandemic hit. My wife and I got married earlier than planned due to health insurance benefits and never got a traditional wedding due to the pandemic.

I graduated, after struggling to find a new internship (I didn't, but had enough hours anyway). Got my clinical license and became a therapist. I moved practices a few times due to not being valued, but learned a lot at each place. I was EMDR trained which transformed my practice.

I now mostly focus on fellow LGBTQIA+, Autistic/ADHD, complex trauma folx. I've seen real, lasting changes with people I work with. Especially with EMDR.

My wife and I both figured out we were Autistic and nonbinary. We both picked out new names to suit our "new" identities.

That completely changed how I approached therapy and life in general. I finally had words for sensory issues, autistic inertia, interoception, alexithymia, social language differences. I had so much internalized ableism to work through.

Now I get to help people better understand themselves and their parents better understand and accept them.

I will not get into how much I hate ABA, Autism Speaks or anything else that tries to fundamentally change Autistic people or proposes an end goal of eradication.

Long story short...it took 10 years for me to get here. I almost didn't make it. But I'm happier, more stable, and more myself than I've ever been.

#personal

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eirian · 2 years

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im going insane so im going to tell you about it and by that i mean make a post to scream into the void about my troubles

this will be a rambly, stream of consciousness post so watch out. unmedicated adhd brain shenanigans are afoot

i feel like i need to draw for myself more. i try to very often, i do, but i still feel like im caught in the whole “if i dont draw for attention then whats the point” hellhole that ive been trying to get out of for years. but i feel like the reason for this is that i literally Need the attention to up my chances for commissioners??? because thats how i make a living rn??? like i literally rely on commissions as my main source of income and that pays for shit like rent and medication and appointments and food :( i barely buy shit for myself anymore b/c im putting it all towards needs and not wants

also im worried my merch wont pop off as well as it did when i first released the submas merch. i know those were in high demand, but im afraid the demand will go to single digit sales for them as well as everything else i sell. im honestly thinking about just buying very small stock, maybe 10 of each item at most, and opening the orders that way (after i ship things out of course). speaking of shipping my last shipment STILL hasnt come in and im a little frustrated b/c im like. bruh i need to ship out these preorders. im not gonna do preorders in the future i dont think, im waiting way too long for this stock to come in :( i dont want yall to wait forever for like..a keychain

ive been trying to work here and there on both villain + school and facets (facets is completely written and scripted, v+s just recently got solidified as an outline Finally) but i kinda only had energy to do so for One Day so im not sure when those’ll be out lmfao. sorry bout that

i want to make more ocs, i havent made new ocs in a hot minute and im like :( wah. my character design brain is kaput right now. i wanna make more cool db ocs and such like i used to. it used to bring me so much joy. or maybe even inazuma eleven ocs idk im just wanting New Boys

i have so much to do or at least so much i could be doing. like i could make new merch art but that feels pointless if i dont have the money to buy the merch. i still need to ship out my FIRST orders, christ. and im trying so hard to get commissions rolling so i CAN ship out my shit but :( its a struggle. im struggling. god im stressed to hell and back hi

sometimes i do be like i wanna die ! but i wont. i’ll be ok things will be ok. i will get commissions its only the 6th. i have time. and im going to check out some cons that i can maybe table at in the future. thatd be wonderful. fuck i need to reprint my business cards with my updated twitter im a little mad i ended up getting my account unsuspended right after i made those cards. at least i only made 50 of them i guess

i need like an online journal or something to write this shit into instead of like, a public tumblr post LMFAO. but i cant use washi tape online so there goes that /hj

i really really need to figure out a way to let the general furry population know that i will draw their stuff for commissions. like. i Will. i Have. i Can. just give me a chance bro i’ll draw your inflation fetish art just give me a chance to make some money to live LOL. i would draw more furry art but i am so unmotivated and sluggish its so hard..

i kinda feel like i should try to get back into adoptables too but ive been so depressed and down and unmotivated its really really hard for me to design things for myself let alone to sell. so im like ok now what i have no income. im too brain fucky to get a “real job” so im just like. sits here on my ass doing absolutely nothing except being sad. ok so i might have depression

anyway life is hard thanks for putting up with me

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kaythewriter22 · 5 years

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My novel’s 10 year anniversary

Okay, so it was technically yesterday, but I haven’t gone to bed yet so it’s still the 8th of August for me.

Am I annoyed that my first novel took me 7 months to write? Sure. Will I ever give up on my second novel, the novel from hell, now that it’s been a literal actual decade? Nope.

I’ve tried a thousand times to give up, stop writing. Move on to a new WIP. But I can’t. I’m too attached to the story and the characters. And I’ve given it 10 years of my life. I can’t drop it now.

My ADHD brain is still unmedicated so this is just. Word vomit.

This novel began because of the dart board at the house my parents had rented for three weeks of holiday in August 2009. Like I decided I’d write about a vampire hunter who uses silver darts as her weapon of choice. Because I also decided silver would paralyse my vampires.

And so I impulsively started writing about a hunter... hunting a vampire. But I also had a beginning of a story where a woman is being turned into a werewolf. And I had some other beginning of a story about a vampire hunting and feeding.

And then I went... What if I combine all 3? Maybe they all exist in the same universe and their paths will cross. And maybe the woman only thinks she’s being turned into a werewolf, but in reality she’s becoming a vampire.

And then.

And then I went: and what if I added another 5 POV characters?

Yes. Excellent.

They say writing your second novel is harder than the first, so I wouldn’t wanna make it easy for myself or anything.

I was 15 when I started writing it.

Since then:

I started and finished lycée (French high school)

moved to Germany

got diagnosed with depression

then ADHD

started university in The Netherlands

got expelled

got a second chance on academic probation

got diagnosed with a histamine intolerance by a German doctor who never followed up on treatment

dropped out

moved to the UK

applied to study Creative Writing

self-diagnosed as autistic after years of research

started uni again at the age of 22

survived 3 years of uni with no ADHD medication

survived and got out of an emotionally abusive friendship (EDIT: removing my twitter thread link to see if my post now shows up in the tags... EDIT AGAIN: and it worked! Cool... If you want to see my thread of articles about emotionally abusive friendships, it’s my pinned tweet. Same username as here.)

(Fuck you tumblr.)

turned 25

graduated uni with a 2.1 (if a first is an A then a 2.1 is a B)

had my thesis, an autobiographical monologue about identity and representation, mentioned in the opening speech for my department during my graduation ceremony (because my motherfucking ass got a first for my thesis, and specifically for the monologue itself an 80% which is rare as fuck when it comes to creative assignments)

got diagnosed with fibromyalgia

In that time, I also wrote a bunch of poems, and at uni I got to write film scripts and plays.

And now I’m working on a timeline for the novel from hell, because I’m gearing up to start writing the second draft, without finishing the first draft. I’m letting go of that idea, because the first draft is too messy and confusing for me to make it to the end.

(Side note: I’m using Aeon Timeline and I don’t see how I can ever write another story without using that app to outline.)

And a full decade later, my new first chapter is going to be so much better than the original.

And I’m excited.

#writing #writeblr #LGBT writers #queer writers #disabled writers #the novel from hell

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apocalypto12related · 7 years

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Do all of them!

1: is there a boy/girl in your life?

Ye! Sammy! @deziac

2: think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

Um... My family, probably, and no.

3: what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

Kitty! I love kitties!

4: what’s something you really want right now?

an apartment. on a less serious side, um, glasses???

5: are you afraid of falling in love?

Nope! I already have and since we’re poly im sure i will again owo

6: do you like the beach?

so/so. depends on my mood.

7: have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

um... a pull out sofa, does that count? i have a hard time sleeping unless i can fully lie down.

8: what’s the background on your cell?

my old phone was tony my new phone is space. not sure what it’ll be soon. >w>;; considering i need to redownload all the stuff i got off tumblr. :’( i lost all my snapchat stuff, but i moved all of izaya to my computer so that’s fine.

9: name the last four beds you were sat on?

what??? O_o; um... a homeless shelter’s bed and other than that they were all my own??? (not counting the “bed” made of sheets at the one place.)

10: do you like your phone?

i just got a new one!! uwu It has 32GB with it’s own internal storage and I have a 32GB sd card. nwn;; So I have a lot of space~! plus it has a fingerprint sensor and im in love with unlocking it like that owo

11: honestly, are things going the way you planned?

prolly not, but when do they?

12: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

sammy! bc we both got new phhones!

13: would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?

i heard poodles have bad temperaments!! idk about rottweilers!! whichever one is nicer??/

14: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

emotional!! physical heals!! short time span for pain! emotional might not go away!

15: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

DONt mmake me chosoelk??! i love both!!! i lovemy fluffy butts and i went to the met in new york!!! it was so cool!!! swords!! armor!! egypt!! aahhhh!!! i cant choose!!

16: are you tired?

im always tired!!!

17: how long have you known your 1st phone contact?

um... well it’s sammy

so uh, ten years in march owo (technically december was the first time we met!! but we count it as march since that’s when he started talking rly)

18: are they a relative?

no!!

19: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

it depends on if they changed their personality!! if not then no!! i mean i did get back with sammy but yknow we just count that as a break since we did actually get back together lmao

20: when did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

this morning!! she is at work so she’s not too talkative rn!

21: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

we’re fine with what we’re at!! i don’t need to marry her to make it ‘official’!! we’ve lasted almost 9 years and through some big hardships!! both of us unmedicated and dealing with new medication changes, so i think we’re fine!!

22: would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

of course!! :P

23: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

two!! my blue sylveon bracelet (i love sylveon, i would wear umbreon but i think i packed it!!!) and my pride rainbow bracelet! i took them off when we were looking for a shelter bc i was scared we’d get denied if they saw obvious gay signs :(

24: is there a certain quote you live by?

not directly!! something along the lines of that there is no set path in life you have to choose which ways you want to twist and turn and they’ll lead you onto new and bigger things.

25: what’s on your mind?

music! stuff for my phone! i have a lot of stuff i need to add to eeet!! it’s only a day oolllddd.

26: do you have any tattoos?

yes! it’s for my kitty who passed away! Her name was luna. I’m sure i’ve posted a picture somewhere.

27: what is your favorite color?

#00C5FF

28: next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

prolly tonight. owo

29: who are you texting?

Sammy owo

30: think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

probably?? lol what.

31: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

YES ACTUALLY D: idk if it happened any other time, but when we got into the car accident when I told our one friend we were joking about her coming up and hanging with us all my brain said was ‘You shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have done that.’ and again when we went out to the car and it was pretty heavy snow fall. I was like ‘I shouldn’t go.’ my problem with that one was I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t think ‘we shouldn’t go’. but... what can you do now?

32: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

um. i don’t think i have a super close opposite sex friend. closest would probably be @h0bsyrup

33: do you think anyone has feelings for you?

I’m sure Sammy does. >w> I’m not sure otherwise. My followers don’t tell me that stuff.

34: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Yes omg. Sammy was staring me in the eyes the other day and was like ‘your eyes are pretty’ and i’m like ‘omfg shut up >//

35: say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

if they’re not dating then she’s gonna punch their lights out, so i don’t have to worry.

36: were you single on valentines day?

November 24th, 2008 is when I started dating Sammy. You tell me.

37: are you friends with the last person you kissed?

... of course?? wtf is with these kiss questions.

38: what do your friends call you?

Kiki :D

39: has anyone upset you in the last week?

lil bit.

40: have you ever cried over a text?

Um... probably. I can’t remember.

41: where’s your last bruise located?

omg... um i guess undermy belly button is the latest bruise??? i have a lot atm from surgery and being motionless for four days!!

42: what is it from?

Sammy actually like harshly pushed on that area. like when you go to land somewhere with your full weight then you go ‘oh fuck’ yeah.

43: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

um... recently??? but i guess not as bad as with my mom.

44: who was the last person you were on the phone with?

Sammy owo

45: do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

Nah.

46: do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

No.my hair style is like 99% bun.

47: would you ever go bald if it was the style?

i dont follow trends i set them.

48: do you make supper for your family?

not recently but i would for sammy and i usually

49: does your bedroom have a door?

i don’t have a “bedroom” atm e.e

50: top 3 web-pages?

tambo.c0m (tumblr), archiveofourown.org (ao3), youtube.com (the three i use the most anyway)

51: do you know anyone who hates shopping?

Sammy. xD at least food shopping.

52: does anything on your body hurt?

Abdomen. (:

53: are goodbyes hard for you?

it depends. if it’s unnecessary then prolly. if they’ve fucked me over idc. (i.e. my family trying to replace my mom’s abusiveness, fuck them.)

54: what was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

prolly water owo

55: how is your hair?

it’s feeling fine, thank you for asking!

56: what do you usually do first in the morning?

it depends! if it’s my “morning” i wake up and usually bathroom.

57: do you think two people can last forever?

sure but it takes work. it’s not gonna be perfect 24/7 without communication or compromise.

58: think back to january 2007, were you single?

ye. omfg why would you give me nightmares. that’s when i started the rping side of myspce and met that douche wesley. his lying ass made me start self harming. fuck him.

59: green or purple grapes?

i don’t eat grapes .w.;;

60: when’s the next time you will give someone a big hug?

sometime in the future! prolly sammy!

61: do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

in an apartment. >w> or at the pompeii exhibit!!!

62: when will be the next time you text someone?

possibly today

63: where will you be 5 hours from now?

lying in bed. :D

64: what were you doing at 8 this morning.

struggling to be alive. (eating chocolate chip muffins)

65: this time last year, can you remember who you liked?

oh god. w8 no. i didn’t like anyone yet. that started like october or shit. ugh my ex. he became an ass. (aside from sammy obvs)

66: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

sammy!!

67: did you kiss or hug anyone today?

um... i don’t think so. i think we were both too tired and stressed. we didn’t get into bed until like 1 and the shelter has us be out of beds by 8:30 x3x;

68: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

um... ‘i should go back to sleep’ after waking up a third time and distracting myself with the phone

69: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

yeah,but at least i tried.

70: how many windows are open on your computer?

it’s not *my* computer, so it doesn’t count! ;D (8 but im downloading music stfu)

71: how many fingers do you have?

i have 10. my one pinky counts as a half finger sometimes though. i broke it and bc i didnt have insurance i never went to a doctor to get it fully take care of so it healed up all wrong.

72: what is your ringtone?

default at the moment!

73: how old will you be in 5 months?

oh fuck i’ll be 24. man if you asked me that back in june i’d be like ‘still 23 (;’ but no. my bday is december

74: where is your mum right now?

She passed away. :/

75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

I realize that as much as I wanted to believe it was love, it never fully blossomed into that until I was with Sammy. I don’t think I’ve truly ever gotten to love anyone else, but that’s okay.

76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

of course owo sammy and i are hella gay don’t u know.

77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

i believe so owo we just don’t talk as much bc im a lazy sack of shit.

78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

fuck. i think i had a minor crush on some dude who also liked green day but never fuckin talked to me so i never bothered. that might’ve also technically been when i started liking wesley. does billie joe from green day count?

79: is there anyone you know with the name mike?

personally? uh.... i’m not totally sure o-o; fuck me man.

80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

probably wait yes. sammy. spooning is our fave position.

81: how many people have you liked in the past three months?

e.e no one that wasn’t a celebrity.

82: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

no bc shelter e.e

83: will you talk to the person you like tonight?

:P i talk to them everyday.

84: you’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

i wouldn’t get drunk! i wouldn’t scream at ppl! that’s rude! ppl usually can’t even hear you when you yell at the window! we hear ‘whoosh’ with your voice in the middle’

85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care?

i would be concerned since she’s said she doesn’t like them!!

86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

um... oh! a conversation started and a lil girl asked if we were in a certain theatre and I said ‘no we were in theatre blah’ so I asked what they went and saw. She said “Wonder Woman” “hey we just came out of that, too!” :P

87: who was your last received call from?

.3.; sammy

88: if someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

i-i’m torn??? i needm oney but poor butter-san... ;____;

89: what is something you wish you had more of?

money. clothes maybe

90: have you ever trusted someone too much?

yeah. lmao.

91: do you sleep with your window open?

i usually do! esp in the winter/summer! need air and love cold!

92: do you get along with girls?

ye!

93: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

no. owo

94: does sex mean love?

no! sex is something that can bring someone closer, but it is not necessary for a relationship!

95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

>3>;;; again, no.

96: have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

owo; indirectly. i shared a drink with someone who had one. xD

97: did you sleep alone this week?

not this week! :D last week. ;~; at the hospital.

98: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

yes. >3>

99: do you believe in love at first sight?

no!!! that’s not love!! you might end up loving them but you can’t love someone unless you know them!! :c otherwise it’ll lead to some bad decisions!! D:

100: who was the last person that you pinky promise?

OwO Sammy I think.

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