#until I can work up the courage to get more mods and figure stuff out--

[thsc-confessions]

"Rupert Price & Reginald Copperbottom are divorced British exes." submitted by anon

[mooglesorts]

man. it's weird, because there's a lot of things about me that are Very Badger Primary, to the point where i would probably pick it with a strong bird model over anything else at this point... except that i hate dehumanization. i saw primaries described recently as 'things you wouldn't be you anymore if you went against,' and more than just about anything else that's it. even when i think people are monsters, i can't see them as not human; i'd be hard put to define exactly what i consider a 'monster,' but it's more about like. good faith than personhood, i suppose?

it's not necessarily a permanent status to be one--people can change--but my deeply held instinct is that once you have done something monstrous you will always be a person who has been a monster by your own choices, and that it's your duty to learn how to accept that while still living your life, and act accordingly from thereon out. you have to reconcile that you are a person with the fact that some doors are closed to you now, and it's up to you to decide what you do from there.

just. like. even when i hate someone and as far as i'm concerned they can go fuck themself, even in the multiple Heavily Badger social environments i've been in over the course of my life--church, progressive circles, the way the structure of the internet kind of just affects you in general--even on occasions where i've gotten swept away and given in to the pressure to dehumanize (or perform it) for a minute, there's always, always been a voice in the back of my head saying this is a person. this is a person. this is a person. this isn't right.

unintentional dehumanization sets off my '...should we really be doing this? we are getting into not good territory here, it's time to pull up and start questioning' alarms. explicit, intentional, purposeful dehumanization sets off the whole ass tornado sirens. if people on my side are doing it it's enough to throw me into a system-destabilizing crisis, because NO NO NO I WANT TO GET OFF THIS RIDE, I WANT NO PART OF THESE PEOPLE'S MORAL SYSTEM, I FEEL UNCLEAN. it's a good way to make sure i will never, ever, ever trust someone again.

things that are Really Really Badger, off the top of my head (after the cut because Long and trauma talk):

[[MORE]]

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-i've always loved playing adoptable games, pet simulators, etc? any game with randomly generated characters that are Yours Now and a Community, in a deeply badgery way. including games where they can die (the satisfying part is making sure they don't). except that, no matter how much fun the gameplay is, if it gets to the point where they start feeling disposable, and the only way to really keep playing is to stop humanizing them, i lose interest. it's super fucking depressing. it feels like part of me dying inside a little. i don't like it at all.

-i've always been drawn to fandoms and roleplaying communities. i was fiercely loyal to, and proud of, my first rp community on dragoncave as a 13-year-old. when my abusive mom found out about it and completely isolated me for half a year, the promise of being able to make it back to them--just sneakier this time--kept me going; when i finally got back and the group had drifted apart in my absence, it.... was absolutely devastating. i never really recovered from it. even then, i spent years trying to get the group back together every now and then, until i finally gave up.

-i am always keenly, painfully aware of the life cycle of a community. every time i hear the sentiment 'you guys are all great and i love this group' my stomach drops, because i know it's only a matter of time before things go sour or the group dissolves. rp groups, skype chats/discord servers, fandoms, you name it, i am always bracing myself or staying away entirely to avoid the inevitable and it hurts. and it hurts to see people taking part in a community i don't dare be part of, which makes lurking in fandoms... really rough. frankly, it takes me a lot of courage every time i express my appreciation for the shc community because i've been burned so many times.

-on that note: i went through some really traumatic stuff at the end of 2020 that completely turned my life upside down, and i was doing bad until i stumbled across the shc community. the moment i started engaging, it was a huge boost to my mental health, and my ability to cope with circumstances under which i was about to break down spectacularly. and it has been ever since! contributing to The Group Project and seeing other folks being friendly with each other gives me the happy feelings.

-i used to go out of my way to build and run spaces, mainly fandom and rp spaces, and took a lot of pride in engineering them so that they Functioned Well. unfortunately it wore me the hell down over the years for Burnt Badger Reasons, and now i'm too jaded, bitter, and exhausted to give a shit about being a mod/community leader anymore because of it lmao

-among those burnt badger things i relate HARD to the Red Ledger narrative. hoo boy.

-i wish i could find it again, but there was an mlp comic i saw once which went into luna's observations of what each element of harmony Means. with the element of friendship, she says that twilight has a massive amount of love to give; right now it's all focused on celestia, but when she learns to expand it outward she'll have grown into her full potential as a person, and she'll change the world. that struck a chord with how i used to feel, hard, and it's really stuck with me ever since. (hello, unhealthy snake model)

-emphasis on 'used to feel,' lmao

-got super invested in a really toxic '''mental health''' community at a low point in my life; exploded HARD trying to help everyone i could; got into vicious, protracted fights with the shitty mods for years about the harmful way they ran their community until i finally managed to go 'fuck this it's not getting better' and leave.

-had to numb myself emotionally to the people around me for a long time once i really started learning about mental health and trauma stuff, because now i was seeing signs of their pain and baggage everywhere i looked, and i couldn't handle not being able to help.

-the imagery with which i think about my bird primary is overwhelmingly negative. whether it's my actual primary or a model, i uh. i feel like a healthy relationship to one's primary doesn't involve associating it with gore.

-i saw a conversation recently about how birds think of morality in terms of 'if you can, you should,' and how that's scary for badgers because their definition of 'can' involves destroying yourself for the sake of that 'should,' and... yeah, that's a mood. that's a BIG mood. thinking about bird primary stuff is hard--and i had to pick up my lion model to deal with it--because it's so easy for me to spiral into a self-shredding spiral of other people are counting on you to do the right thing, how dare you pull back for your own health and sanity. how dare you turn your back for even a minute. how dare you rest. the work is never done.

which is... a very exploded badger approach to exploded bird morality. whoops.

-fix-it and time travel fiction in which Everything Went Right This Time and It's Going to Be Okay are one of my very favorite self-indulgent fantasies. i will enjoy putting characters through the wringer in all kinds of creatively horrific ways which may or may not end on a downer note, certainly, i love that shit, but i will also 90% of the time have a backup version of the arc or dynamic that's softer and lighter and Actually Healthy This Time. it's the dichotomy there that really gets me tbh, a story where Everything Ends Happily by default will mmmaybe pull me in? but stories where there's the constant shadow of this could end horribly, it's supposed to end horribly, and we got a happy fucking ending anyway are just... that shit will make me cry, man.

it's also why i kind of really hate stable time loop stories where it initially looks like this is going to be The Good Timeline this time around, but OOPSIE everything went to shit anyway! we're right back where we started, just like it was meant to be all along! it's a tired cliche by this point and an unsatisfying one for me, and it makes me roll my eyes every time.

-this is relevant to the bird vs. badger because like... my gut instinct is to prioritize people over systems. when shit hits the fan, when someone's fallen into the machinery and is about to get hurt, i don't feel right about it if i just let it happen. i'll break the machinery if i have to to keep it away from them; i won't feel great about that, and it might cause problems, but fuck it, we'll figure it out later. throwing people into the gears of a system when i'm convinced it's the only option makes me feel Awful.

-related to the above, another trope that really speaks to me in fiction is when a character defies the rules of reality through sheer force of will. no, this is not happening, i don't give a shit what the limits are supposed to be. i refuse to let this be the way things are. (there's that lion model.)

-i've just kind of... always wanted to be an Everyone Badger. it makes me sad how much of that i've lost over the years as i've gotten more cynical, but it's what i wish i could be.

---

doubtless i'll think of more the moment i hit send, and there are just as many things about me that are Super Bird Primary, but like... mamma mia that's some spicy badger. the main thing stopping me is the Can't and Refuse to Dehumanize bit. i also... hm. i think i can function okay without a community? they just help a lot, and it sucks when i'm confronted with one i don't have a (stable) place in. any thoughts? is it possible for a bird system's foundation to run so deep that eventually it overrides the bird?

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi! Hope I’m not bothering. I’m currently submitting myself to extreme inner turmoil as I read more into the cognitive functions to try to type myself, and I’ve narrowed it down to either INFJ or INFP. Do you have any tips for accurately typing them and for digging really really deep into myself to actually find the answers I’m looking for? People keep typing me as INFJ though I somehow can’t rest thinking I may be just another mistyped INFP. Thank you and have a great day! I love your blog :)

If you are having ‘extreme inner turmoil,’ it’s time to step away from MBTI typing for awhile and get centered. Leave it for awhile. Then think about how you perceive the world and whether that is through a Ni lens (how I want the world to be) or a Fi lens (how everything relates / pertains to me). Fe is other-centric and struggles to have an identity separate from other people’s wants and needs; a Fi, on the other hand, is preoccupied with their own thoughts, wants, and needs, and has to be reminded to care about or tune in to others -- Fi’s tend to project rather than mirror. Projecting is “this is how I’d feel in your shoes, so you are probably feeling it.” Mirroring is “I feel what you are feeling; it’s influencing my mood.” Fe users are prone to “we” type thinking -- we, us, you and me becomes “us, and we.” Not “I” like the Fi. Think about how you feel when people tell you what to do. Is there a Fe/Ti analyzing of it, measuring against an internal standard, or an automatic Fi-dom response of “nobody tells me who to be. I have my own identity!”

Have you seen the movie Ever After? It’s a good comparison between Fe (Danielle) and Fi (Henry). Danielle thinks about other people, their wants, needs, etc., what she owes society, how the prince ‘ought’ to serve society, much more than her own needs and wants. Henry on the other hand, is self-preoccupied. He doesn’t notice social concerns or attend to them until Danielle calls him on it; she has to teach him how to care about anything outside his own emotional experiences. I don’t mean to call out Fi’s, but the main source of conflict between Fe and Fi is “should” (Fe) vs “what I want” (Fi). The Fe finds the Fi annoying because the Fi will be the only one at the party in black cuz it feels like it, and the Fi finds the Fe annoying because “Yeah... stop treating me as if we are a group, because I am my own person, separate from you.”

I’ve noticed just with my own Fe-using father that things automatically become “us” -- what “we” are going to do today, because as a Fe, he thinks of his family in terms of a group dynamic, at which he is the head. He talks about “we” need to do weight loss, and feels better if I do it with him, because then he isn’t alone. It used to bug me, having him speak for me (Fi) all the time, but then I realized it’s just how he sees our family and me -- as an extension of himself. I will still, whenever irritable, come up with “what’s this ‘we’ -- I ain’t doing it” sort of responses, because I’m a brat. There’s also a severe discomfort in a Fi user to be praised for something -- a Fe gets encouragement from an external consensus or praise / reassurance, but the Fi will reject it if it doesn’t fit how they feel about how they did. Like, once when I was about twelve, a guy walked up to me in church, one of the elders, and complimented me in front of other people for having behaved appropriately, unlike some of my peers, at a social function the day before. He appreciated how quiet and respectful I was, not loud or constantly drawing attention to myself. This would have bolstered a Fe, because -- it’s a confirmation of appropriate behavior! It made me uncomfortable and I ran out of the church to be alone with my embarrassment, because it had drawn unwanted attention to me, and why should I be thanked or singled out for doing something *I* knew was appropriate?

I’ve also noticed HOW MUCH TROUBLE FPs have with revealing their feelings in a casual way; FJs will enthusiastically tell you how they are feeling (”I love this so much! I love you so much! I love e-mailing you so much!”) which puts the FP on the spot. They aren’t socially-taught to automatically spew back a “fake” “OMG I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TOO!” because it feels... fake. Inauthentic, unless they 100% mean it, and it may take some time to figure out IF they mean it. Saying something like that can take a lot of internal processing, angst, working through things, and then finding he courage to say to someone (or write it) -- “I like you too. I mean. A LOT.” I have Fi-dom friends and we have talked for hours how this can be a problem with us both -- being unable to force ourselves to say things that we “mean” or want to say, because it feels... too exposing or awkward or “casual.” People throw around stuff that to us... is very deep and meaningful. Can you “love” pizza (casual) and “love” your best friend (deep) at the same time? Shouldn’t there be a difference between casual and meaningful conversations?

100% of the miscommunications I have with FJ friends is because I cannot “fake” anything I do not feel; the awkward silences whenever they gush and I have no response or cannot say what I know the polite “thing” is to say. But I am also grateful for them, because they can put my complex abstract feelings into words in only a few minutes of listening. “Oh, you are feeling frustrated. Sad. Exhausted.” Etc. Oh, thanks. Yes, that is what it is. Thank you. Putting all these swimming vague things into words is Hard, y’all.

I literally get asked about INFJ vs. INFP every week, so go through the infp x infj tag. There’s like... 13 pages worth of posts if this hasn’t cleared it up for you.

- ENFP Mod

[monokumaplush]

Hey hi!! Can I request a Taka x male reader fic that has the reader invite him over to a sleepover (this is before they're in a relationship) and they watch movies together and stuff and there's lots of fluff and awkwardness before they decide to sleep on the couch together and they wake up in each other's arms, finally realizing their feelings for each other? Sorry if this is too specific or anything like that >_<

Aaaa I’m finally done! I’m super sorry this took so long, but I hope it was worth the wait :)

Under the cut!

~Mod Toko

It was another school day coming to an end, and Taka was just as excited as anyone else to go home for the weekend. The only difference was he was excited to have two whole glorious days to stay in and study. As he was packing up all of his folders and papers, a familiar face approached him. “Hey, Taka!” His friend, Y/N, greeted him. “What’re you gonna be up to this weekend?” He was about to answer him, but Y/N spoke once again before he could. “Wait, let me guess. You’re going to be studying the whole time.” He gasped genuinely before answering, “How did you know?”

Y/N shook his head, feigning disappointment. “Taka, why don’t you take a break once in a while? I’m free all weekend, so we could totally hang out.” He suggested. “But, I must work hard if I want to carry a successful academic life, so I can’t take any breaks!” Taka retaliated. “Dude, you act like you haven’t taken a break since you were born! Just this once, please?” Y/N pleaded, and Taka stopped to think. While he normally wouldn’t give in to offers to hang out with friends, this felt different. He really wanted to spend time with Y/N, and it looked like even studying wasn’t going to get in the way of that.

“Alright, we can spend time together this weekend.” He said, and Y/N beamed in return. “Yes! Let’s go, then!” He said, and started to walk out of the classroom. Taka grabbed his stuff and quickly followed after him, a bit confused with what he said. “Wait, right now?” He asked. “Yeah, I was thinking we could have a sleepover.” Y/N answered. “A… sleepover?” He questioned again. “Yeah, you can come over to sleep at my place!” Y/N said casually.

And for a second, Taka’s heart stuttered.

He opened his mouth to speak again, but Y/N continued. “Hey, how about you go home and grab some of your things first? I’ll meet you at my house.” He said, and turned down the street. He looked back, and smiled. “I’ll see you soon!” And with that, he continued down the street to his house.

Taka was left there on the sidewalk, mouth still slightly agape. It all happened so fast, he didn’t even have the chance to speak. He stood there for a few seconds before deciding to walk home. He said he’d spend time with Y/N, so he couldn’t just bail out on him. Even so, the idea of a sleepover made him feel anxious for some reason. But, he thought that once he was actually there, it wouldn’t be so bad.

 He was right. It was worse. Taka nervously stood at the front door, sweating buckets as he clutched the duffel bag hanging off his shoulder. In it was a set of casual clothes that Y/N had gotten him a few weeks ago, when he generously brought him clothes shopping. He thought about that day, and how much happy he felt with Y/N then. He smiled faintly to himself as he reminisced, and found the courage to knock on the door. Y/N answered almost immediately, smiling when he saw Taka at the door. “Hey, there you are. Come on in, and go get changed. You’re here to relax!”

He opened the door for Taka to come in, and led him to the bathroom, urging him to get into some comfy clothes. Afterwards, Taka walked into the kitchen where Y/N was. “So, do you want something to eat?” Y/N asked. “Ah, no thank you. I’m not really hungry.” Taka declined. He felt too nervous to eat, but he didn’t even know why. He’s hung out with Y/N plenty of times before, so why is this any different?  

“Alright, that’s fine. I’m just gonna make some popcorn for myself, then. I was thinking we could watch some movies tonight.” Y/N suggested. Taka nodded, “Yeah that sounds good.” He was uncharacteristically quiet. He didn’t know what to do with himself, so he just went into the living room and sat on the couch.

He thought about the situation he was in. Hanging out with Y/N, over at his house, just the two of them… the thought of it made his cheeks heat up. But he quickly purged the thought, feeling ashamed for thinking such things. He shouldn’t think of his friend like that! He was suddenly pulled from his thoughts by the sound of a voice. “Hey, sorry about the wait, I wanted my popcorn to be perfect.” Y/N said, placing the bowl of popcorn on the table in front of the couch. He walked over to the TV and grabbed some DVD cases, looking through each of them. “What do you think we should watch?” He asked, turning back to Taka. “Um, y-you should pick. You’re the one who invited me, after all.” Taka said. His was too preoccupied trying not to act so nervous to think about movies.

Y/N picked a random one and sat down on the couch, pressing play on the remote. The two boys sat in silence, the only sound coming from the TV and Y/N crunching on his popcorn. Taka kept his eyes trained on the screen, trying his best not to sneak a glance at the figure next to him. He quickly failed at doing so, turning his head to look at Y/N staring at the TV. Y/N had turned off the lights when he walked in, so the light of the TV was the only thing illuminating his face. Taka thought he was unaware of his gaze, but he was proved wrong when Y/N turned to him, his eyebrow slightly quirked upward. “What’s up? You want some?” He asked, gesturing to the bowl of popcorn, much to Taka’s relief, who thought he’d be scolded at for staring.

“Sure.” Taka finally said. To his surprise, Y/N scooted closer to him, going from an arm’s length away to their shoulders just barely touching. Taka blushed as he took some popcorn from the bowl, quickly munching on it out of nervousness.

The two sat like that for a majority of the movie. It was getting late, signaled by Y/N yawning and lifting his legs onto the couch. “Are you tired? Are you ready to go to bed?” Taka asked. “Nah, I’m good. I want to finish the movie.” Y/N answered, but a few minutes later his head fell onto Taka’s shoulder, prompting him to fall asleep right there. Taka flinched from the sudden contact and looked at Y/N, wondering what he should do in this situation. He didn’t want to wake Y/N, but sleeping on the couch wouldn’t be good for you, and sleeping on the couch together… He nearly slapped himself before he felt Y/N shift in his sleep, seemingly very comfortable in this situation.

Taka relaxed a bit and looked at him, his blush only growing when he noticed how peaceful he looked with him. He carefully rested his head on top of Y/N’s and succumbed to his own drowsiness, not realizing how tired he actually was until he finally closed his eyes.

  The next morning, Taka was the first one to wake up. He instinctively checked the clock on the wall, which read 9:05 AM. He took some time to take in his surroundings, and nearly leaped out of his seat when he saw Y/N laying on him. The sudden movements caused Y/N to wake up, mumbling something as he rubbed his eyes. He looked up and saw Taka, who was frozen in his spot, staring back at him. “Um… good morning? What’s wrong?” Y/N asked, and Taka immediately stood up and apologized. “I-I’m so sorry!” Y/N looked at him, confused. “For what? You didn’t do anything wrong.” “But I did!” Taka retaliated. “I was selfish and gave in to my unwholesome thoughts!  I fell asleep on you without your consent! Please, forgive me!”

It took Y/N a second to register his words, and he smiled softly at him when he did. “Taka, you don’t have to worry about that, its fine. I actually liked it.” He said, slightly blushing with the last sentence. Taka was on the brink of tears before he said that, and now he was staring at Y/N in bewilderment. “You… did?” He asked. Y/N nodded and Taka sat back down, staring him in the eyes. “Y/N, I want to be completely honest with you.” He said, and Y/N’s hands in his own, causing them both to blush. “I’ve begun to think of you as… more of a friend,” He continued, “A-And I want to get closer to you, closer than a friend would be. Do you… feel the same way?” Y/N smiled as Taka’s face turned red. “Yes, I do. I want to be closer to you, closer than just this.” He said, taking Taka’s face in his hand.

They stared at each other, and Taka’s eyes flickered to his lips for only a second. “Really?” Taka asked quietly. “Really.” Y/N answered, and they closed the small gap between them. Taka’s lips were soft, softer than Y/N had expected them to be. He was agonizingly slow when he pulled away, not wanting to leave the warmth of Y/N’s body, and he hugged him. They stayed there, arms wrapped around each other, happy to be together the way they always wanted to be.

[erintoknow]

Something dumb

fallen hero: rebirth / retribution fanfiction. definitely spoilers here + putting my cards on the table with w i l d speculation about stuff we probably won’t get any solid information on until book 3 which... who knows how far away. But it’s more fun to do it like this then make a big nonsense theory post imo. i’ll be fucking shocked if i guessed anything right

uh... anyway! ~2.1k words [ao3]

–

This is novel; it’s almost eleven and you’re still not dressed. Just a bath towel. In someone else’s apartment. Julia Ortega is upending all the rules you’ve set to keep yourself safe. Can’t shake the feeling it’s going to be your downfall. Careless. Arrogant. 

“So explain this to me, again.” Julia is eating breakfast at the kitchen table, sausage and eggs. You watch her from your position curled up on the couch, arms resting over the back. She watches you back.

“Which part?” Try to smile, try to make it look natural, normal. Are you succeeding? You can’t know.

You try not to look at your arms as you sip the cup of coffee. Julia had insisted, given how little sleep you had gotten. Nightmares, always. You can’t run from ghosts. Can’t run from yourself. Wherever you go, there you are. 

Julia stabs a tiny sausage with a fork before waving it in your direction. “Let’s start with the basics. What actually is a re-gene?”

You bite your lip. “What actually is a person, Julia?”

She flinches, “I’m sorry. I mean like.. I know how people are uh, made. But re-genes? It’s more complicated than the official story, I’m sure.”

Stare into the coffee cup, watch the little swirl of creamer. “I don’t know,” you finally admit.

“You don’t know?”

“Do you think they tell us anything they don’t have to? Do you tell your hammer how it was made?” You snap back at her, slump against the back of couch, hold the coffee cup stretched out before you with both hands. “I know they use the same kind of vats to grow the… the bodies like they use now in hospitals for transplants. Just… you know, they do the whole person.” You perk up, “Actually, did you know – they’re in clinical trails right now for this SRS option that combines lab grown with genetic engineering from the patient’s own genome to neutralize the risk of rejection, and it’s looking really promising and–”

“Ari.” Julia has a hand up. “Focus.”

“Right. Sorry.” You close your eyes, heat crawling up your face.

“I mean, it sounds great. Just… one thing at a time?”

“Yeah.” You blow air across the surface of your coffee mug, set the creamer spinning again.

“So you really don’t know anything?”

“Well…” You flinch, glance up at the ceiling, then back to her. “I mean, I would listen in. Whenever I had the chance. They were pretty good about keeping their guard up, but I mean… I’m just a thing so…”

“You are not a thing, Ariadne.” She looks at you, full force intensity. You have to look away. Can’t meet that. “Don’t ever forget that.”

“…thank you.” You blink your eyes, can’t rub without risking the coffee. “Okay. Well. You know how if you flash clone someone, beside committing a felony you’ve essentially just created like, an adult baby, right?”

“Yeah…?”

“The autonomic nervous system still works. Some basic behaviors, but like, babies still need to learn even the most basic elements of fine motor control. You can flash clone a hundred of your best solider, and they’ll all loll their heads back, sprawled on the ground drooling.”

“That’s what the whole chip thing is for right?”

“…right. We’re not ‘human.’ Just AI-piloted meat robots.”

Julia sits there for a moment, fork in her mouth. Her mouth tugs down in a frown. “Wait,” She puts the fork down. “That’s a lot of super basic behaviors for a program to handle.”

“Well. That’s the secret isn’t it.” Your smile turns dark. “We’ve made a lot of progress in mod interfaces and basic AI routines to run interface between the brain and servos. But Re-genes predate all of that. We still can’t get good enough AI to do proper image recognition.”

“So how…?”

“You cheat.”

“Cheat?”

Take a moment, close your eyes, will your heart to stop pounding against your chest. “What kind of program already knows everything about how the human body moves and operates? A program so complicated that writing it by scratch is basically impossible?”

Julia looks at you. Does she get it yet?

Dive on regardless. Don’t look back, jump the window. “Do you know what cognitive mapping is?”

She shakes her head. “No… I’m not going to like the answer, am I?”

You purse your lips, a thin line. “N-no, probably not.” You shift on the couch, take another sip of the coffee, will your arms to stop shaking. Some pilot you are, this body always acting on its own accord. “It’s been a theory for ages and ages. But, funny, no one can ever seem to get funding to seriously look into it. I think China maybe just started doing their own research on the question?” The taste on your tongue turns foul, bitter. “I’m sure that will end well.”

“What is it?” The tone of her voice, she knows. She’s got the idea. God you feel sick.

“Cheating.” Another sip of coffee. “Scan a human brain. Translate it into an electrical pattern you can store on a chip. You can even make copies. Quantum effects mean the copies won’t be– can’t be perfect. But you can do it. And you get something you can plug back into a body and it’ll know how to operate it.” You pause, tilt your head. “There’s an adjustment period. Every body is, uh… different you know. The adjustment is lot shorter than waiting fifteen years for a baby to grow up though.”

“Ariadne… are you telling me that–”

You push on, you’ve stewed on this for years. If you stop now, will you ever have the courage to speak about it again? “Obviously I can’t say any of this is for sure. Just… inferences I’ve made. Research I did after I… you know, after I left. But– The processing, the mapping. It’s destructive. The original brain doesn’t survive the process intact. It can’t. And– and–” You swallow, wincing from the tightness in your throat. “You can use a brain that just… just died. But, a living one is better. Clearer signal.”

The blood is draining from Julia’s face. It hurts to see. Somehow it’s worse, seeing her grapple with it than it ever was for you, hitting her with everything at once. It’s taken you years to get to this point, and you still feel sick. “Like Athena I sprang from my father’s head. But I killed him in the birthing. Well…” You blink your eyes, hard. “Some version of me did? Or proto-me?”

“Ariadne… I’m sorry, but that’s…”

“I wonder… D-do I get my own soul or did I just– just steal my donor’s?”

There’s a long silence to that. That’s fine. There’s no way to answer that question.

“Do you have any…?”

“Of Zeus’s memories?” You shake your head. “I–I don’t think so. There’s a lot of mystery to memory but it’s not hard to locate where the brain stores it. And then there are… logic gates? Firewalls? Mirrors. Mirrors that keep that kind of stuff locked out. If– if they even leave it in there at all. The goal isn’t to resurrect the dead after all.”

“That’s… I don’t know whether to call that a mercy or not, Ari.”

“They get other benefits for doing things that way too.”

“Other benefits? What other benefits?”

“They– the farm, the directive, whatever, they think the hero drug results are, are influenced by your mentality. They already… borrow DNA from boosts to uh, ‘boost’ the re-gene’s chances of surviving.”

“Fuck. Does that work?”

“I don’t know.” Chew on the inside of your cheek. “I feel like there are still a lot that got… recycled. For no powers, or… bad powers.” You stare down, voice bitter. “But we’re not real people, so… who cares, right?”

“So… wait.” Julia frowns at her scrambled eggs, then looks across the room to you. “Does that mean there’s like… other versions of you?”

“Uh–” You look away. “I don’t know? You mean, like, from the same uh, donor?” Julia winces at the word. “Or the same body?”

“Both? Either?”

“I don’t know. It’s a creepy question, though. Isn’t it? Am I even the original ‘me’ out there?” You shudder.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s fine,” you lie. “You know what I think?”

“…what?” Julia watches you, her expression unreadable. What is she thinking? What is she holding back for your sake? Does she hate you yet? Disgusted by you? Horrified?

“I don’t think it matters?” You bite at the inside of your cheek again, “I don’t know. It’s not like... It’s not like I don’t wonder. Maybe I’m trans because my donor was a woman? Or just my chip was in a female body previously and it picked up something there? Maybe they screwed up growing my body in the vat? Maybe it was on purpose and I’m just another sick experiment.”

“Ariadne...”

“A-anyway, the point is: Descartes is full of shit and mind-body dualism is bullshit too. Whatever the... parts of me where before, I’m just me now. This body... this mind, you can’t separate those. It’d be.. it’d be easier if you could maybe, but...”

Are you going too fast? Saying too much? You don’t want to lie anymore but– Julia is leaning over the table now, propping her head up with her arms. “And you sure about all of this?”

You put the coffee mug down on the end table, rub at your eyes. “I’m not sure of anything. I‘ve spent maybe half of my life on drugs by this point and–”

“Drugs?” Julia cuts in.

“That’s a whole other story.” You scrunch your face. Fuzzy, half-faded images floating to the top of your head. “And– and they can alter your memory, by the way. Erase things they don’t like. Another ‘perk’ to being a chip. Don’t ask me how I figured that one out.”

Julia is up from the table now, walking over to you, around the couch. “This is a lot to take in Ari. I think… I think I need you to slow down. Let me process. Before I do something dumb.”

You glance up at her, watch her sit down next to you. “Something dumb…?”

“Yeah, like burn down city hall.”

That gets a laugh. “Oh this is bigger than just Los Diablos.” You let her grab your shoulder, pull you in against her chest. You can’t relax. Not now. The tension burning in your shoulders.  “But I… I understand. I’m– I’m really taking a risk here too you know.”

There’s just the beat of her heart against you, then– “Yeah. I know.”

“This apartment could be bugged, or the next one over.”

“It’s not, I promise you.”

  “Hell, maybe they’re listening in via your mods, or–”

She waps you on the shoulder, laughing. “Get out of here!”

You huff, “I’m serious. Do you know what they’re doing in there when you’re getting an upgrade?”

“Well…” She shifts the hand on your shoulder, rubbing your arm. “No. I guess not. Thanks for giving me a whole new thing to be paranoid over.” 

“Happy to help.” You lean into her.

There’s a pause then; “You know, if you’re right saying it out loud probably just screwed both of us.”

“Y-yeah. I’m sorry.”

“Stop. I asked you.”

“I’m sorry. For– for dumping all this on you. This isn’t even half of it.”

“I won’t lie Ari, it’s… hard to hear a lot of this.” Her voice is tense. Pained? Probably being truthful. You’re not sure how to feel about that.

“…I know. Thank you… for– for caring.”

“I’m just grateful you’re finally talking to me about it. Ari…” You can feel the words catch in her throat. You’ll have to prod them loose.

“What?”

“It’s just…”

“What?”

“I know I said I wasn’t going to make you stop but… maybe it would be better if you stayed low for a while? A long while?” She keeps rubbing your upper arm, fingers firm into your too-exposed skin.

“No.” Your voice is firm. You reach your hand up, pull at your hair. “I– I don’t want to hurt anyone Julia. Well,” You pause, wince. “Almost anyone, I guess. But–” You shudder, swallow down the nausea. “They have to pay.”

“Okay. I’m not going to argue against that, exactly. Just…”

“It can’t be enough to just… destroy the farm, either.” You narrow your eyes, glaring down at your legs, orange lines poking out from under the towel. “The–the very idea of the Directive needs to go down in flames. Every last cocksucking motherfucker involved needs their life ruined and their career on fire. They’ll wish they were dead.” You exhale, let the air out of your lungs in one long shaking breath. Realize your finger nails are digging into your palms. Let go. Try to let go. Swallow the pain. 

There’s silence then; “It doesn’t have to be you, Ari.”

You bite back a laugh. it’s like you’ve come full circle in a year. From begging Julia to retire and let Adrestia go, and now, her she is, holding you up. Asking you. To let it go.

You can’t do that.

“Nobody else cares.” You push back against Julia, draw your legs to your chest, hug your knees. “And I’ll never be safe. They’ll never let me be. They’ll never stop haunting me.”

“I care. And so will others, if you just let them.”

A ghost of a smile on your face. “That’s a nice dream, Julia.”

“This isn’t going to make your nightmares go away.”

You swallow, press your eyes closed, turn your head in towards the crook of her arm. “I… I know.”

[paperback-writers-blog1]

Valentines Day

By: Mod McCartney

Rating: NC-17

Paring: John/Paul

Summery: One year ago John made the biggest mistake of his life. With Valentines Day approaching can he finally make it right?

Warning: Adult themes

John had always known he was a stupid man. He seemed to specialise in fucking himself over at every opportunity. Most of his successes were due to someone elses input. Usually he didn’t care. ‘Fuck it’ he’d say to himself and move on. However there was one mistake he could never move on from, no matter how hard he tried. It still haunted him a year later, the way he had lost Paul.

Really, getting Paul was not difficult. At least, it wasn’t as difficult as John imagined. He always saw Paul as this unobtainable, higher being. As much as John had pined for him, he would tell himself Paul would end up with someone as gorgeous and flawless as himself and they would be a sickeningly perfect couple in a perfect house with the perfect jobs. Ugh. Of course, Paul did have flaws. And he didn’t want the life John had imagined for him, basically dating a clone of himself. While John had been obsessing over this imaginary life for his crush while putting himself down, Paul had been noticing more and more similarities between them. At first they had seemed like total opposites but as they got to know each other more, Paul noticed a more… two sides of the same coin dynamic. They had very similar dreams and motivations, however would handle them in wildly opposing ways. But their extremes complimented each other. Paul, the sweet charmer could very easily smooth any damage or upset John caused. John, the wild spontaneous adventurer would encourage Paul out of his shell more, helped him be that little more daring and less under his father’s thumb. It was therefore much easier than he had imagined for him to get Paul. Paul was already smitten with John, cool, older and rebellious. One night of heavy drinking, John had simply turned up at Pauls home. Words failed him, but the booze made him bolder and he simply kissed the younger man. The next day he had woken up with Paul snuggled against his chest. After coffee and an explanation from Paul, they were boyfriends. Although nothing was officially said, it was more than obvious. They did everything together, went everywhere together and when they were apart were constantly talking or thinking about the other. When they finally found each other again their embraces and kisses were like they had been apart for years. Of course a candle burning that brightly wears out very quickly. John always cursed himself thinking about that night. What was worse, it was Valentines. John had planned a romantic surprise for Paul. With Mimi away for the week, he had planned a dinner and a little pamper session for Paul. He was excited but a little nervous. What if Paul didn’t like it? What if it was too much? So he did what he always did when he panicked. Drank. Just a beer for courage. That didn’t work as he hoped so maybe another. When the beers weren’t working, he dipped into whiskey. By the time Paul arrived (exactly on time as usual) John was roaring drunk. Paul wasn’t that bothered. He had seen it all. However because of his insecurities John was feeling particularly nasty. And with no one else to tease and snipe at, Paul was the only victim of his poisonous tongue. At first he had tried to ignore it, brush it off as John being drunk and stressed from the planning. But as the night wore on, with wine and Paul not reacting like John wanted, he got more vicious. Paul asked him to stop, why was he being like this? The tears in his doe eyes gave John that sick satisfaction that he was getting to his victim. John didn’t stop. He pushed and pushed until Paul just couldn’t take it. And as easily as the relationship had started, they had ended. John had woken up the next day on the couch. The only evidence of dinner was the neatly stacked dishes on the draining board, no doubt courtesy of Paul. Upstairs Johns room was untouched. The slightly cheesy romantic setting he had worked hard on was still there. Confused he had tried calling Paul and had been told in no uncertain terms by Mike to not call again. That only caused more confusion and John had to go to George for answers. George was Pauls best friend. John had no doubt he would tell him everything. It took a good few days but finally he got his answers. He immediately regretted it. He never meant to hurt Paul! He tried all sorts to get Paul back but to no avail. The damage had been done and was far too fresh. The problem was, George was dating John’s best friend. It made for some uncomfortable situations, mainly birthday celebrations.

Now a year later, and 2 days before Valentine’s Day, John was lying in his bed plagued by thoughts of Paul. He didn’t want to move on. He didn’t want to date others. He wanted Paul. He wanted to smother him in affection and hear that cute giggle, see those big eyes filled with adoration for him, kiss those soft lips again. Part of him thought Paul probably had someone new. He was too damn attractive and sweet to stay single for long. Still, John would curse himself forever if he didn’t at least try. He needed to know for certain he had completely ruined any chance. Tomorrow was the 13th and the day John would start this little plan. And despite the nerves creeping in, he wouldn’t touch a drop. He’d do this properly. After a little planning and preparation, John fell into an uneasy sleep.

********************************

Paul woke up bright and early as usual. At first, it was just an ordinary day. He wandered downstairs for some breakfast, thinking he might call around Georges later, see if he was up to anything. His thoughts were interrupted when he cast a glance over his dads’ paper. Feb 13th. Paul felt sick. Was it already nearly Valentine’s day? Fuck. He had had offers, of course he had. Including a very sweet one from George to hang out and have a ‘friends date’. He said Richie didn’t mind celebrating on a different day. But Paul declined them all. Because it shouldn’t be like this! He should be celebrating properly with John! Even after all this time he couldn’t believe the things John had said to him that night. But the conviction he said them… and the way he seemed to enjoy Pauls hurt. Paul sighed and made himself some tea. He found he couldn’t face the world today. Give it a few days and all the shops would be focused on Easter. Valentine’s Day would be a long forgotten memory until next year. When he had finished his drink he intended to hide away in his bedroom for as long as possible. He had no doubt George would be around to check on him. Paul spent the morning making his room into a little blanket fort, stocked it with snacks and drinks and plenty of entertainment. It had worked very well. He felt better in his little world where this damn holiday didn’t exist. It must have been two or three in the afternoon when Paul heard the knock at the door. He paused confused. He had been expecting George, but he wouldn’t knock. He figured maybe his dad or Mike had ordered something, and forced himself downstairs to answer the door. When he opened the door he was greeted with a woman in a uniform holding a rather large and pretty bouquet. Paul accepted the delivery, taking the card that went with it and thanking the lady. He thought nothing of it, assuming it was for Mike. He had stuff like this all the time. He played the field quite a bit and seemed to be perpetually stuck in the honeymoon period of relationships. He should’ve guessed there would be gifts for him today and probably tomorrow too. Paul took them to the sink to let them sit in water until Mike got home. He felt a little pang of sadness looking at them. Among the romantic red and pink roses were some of Pauls favourite flowers, simple daisies and lilies. He sighed, a little part of him wishing he had someone to send him something so sweet and romantic. He couldn’t help it. Paul was the romantic sort, totally putty for the very cute and often a little cheesy romantic surprises that came around this time of year. He had, in a wild moment, thought of sending something to John. But he wasn’t as taken by the romance as Paul and would probably think it was dumb or too slushy for him. With a little wistful sigh Paul went to put the card on the kitchen table so Mike would find it when he got in. He went to leave then did a double take. That couldn’t be right…. Could it? He carefully picked up the envelope again and re read it over and over as if his wishful thinking was making him see things. He traced his fingers over the print, maybe he could wipe away the delusion and would see Mikes name underneath. But no matter what he did, it still said in plain black print, Mr J. P. McCartney. Only a few people used or even knew his first name was James. Maybe it was George and Richie trying to help him feel better. Cautiously he opened it. The card slipped out into Pauls hand. He expected some cutesy cartoon or a for a special friend on the front. That was something George would do. But there wasn’t. It was… confusing yet slightly familiar. There was no words on the front, just pictures. Black and white photo fragments of places and events that called to Paul. He recognised the birthday cake in one photo, but the head had been cut off the person standing over it, no doubt blowing the candles. There were shots clearly taken around Liverpool, some of his favourite places to go around the Docks and parks. Occasionally there was an arm or foot of someone just peeking into shot. But they were horribly blurred, like it had been zoomed into. He carefully opened it, not sure if he should be scared by this or not. Inside there wasn’t many clues either. And it still had an ominous feeling about it. “I need answers. I know you do too.” Under that was an address, time and date. Paul recognised the place. It was a little restaurant he had been to a few times with… no. It couldn’t be… could it? John? That brought both pain and excitement. He never thought John meant those things he had said! He thought John would come to his senses and come round to explain but he never did. Paul knew nothing about the phone calls. He assumed John had meant to break up with him, but he never understood why. So yes. He did need answers. But what answers would John need? Looking back at the front of the card, it started making sense. The snapshots could very easily be from his time with John. And the flowers containing his favourites…. Paul quickly got a vase and sorted the flowers before taking it all up to his room. He set the vase and card on his desk and sat staring at them. Maybe it was just a way to get Pauls attention, it didn’t mean it was a date. It probably wasn’t. Then again… to get dinner out on the 14th reservations must have been made. It would be a little more expensive than a regular night. And why a restaurant where they had had a few of their dates if it was just to talk? In fact their first official date was there. Paul groaned. This was too confusing. Still… his curiosity was piqued. And if John wanted to explain what happened Paul would let him. He might even put in a little effort in his appearance. He had to calm down and not get carried away. This did not mean they would be getting back together. This did not mean they were going on a date. It could all be a twisted mind game, John was good at those. Still there was a tiny, hopeful part of Paul that he just couldn’t calm down. He needed it to be tomorrow already. When he noticed the date this morning he never expected to be excited for the next day.

*****************************************

That was phrase one complete. John checked his watch. Paul must have received the flowers by now. He was a little shocked he remembered Pauls favourites, he usually forgot stuff like that. John dropped as many hints that it was him without explicitly saying so. Using his full initials, his favourite flowers, booking the place of their first date, the snapshots of him and Paul. Paul was smart, he would probably figure it out easily. John hated the waiting that happened now. He paced and went for a wander around the streets. He tried to draw or play his guitar but nothing kept his attention for more than half an hour. The day stretched on for a ridiculous amount of time. He felt like the universe was adding hours just to annoy him and keep him from seeing his Paulie again. Finally a chance to end this year long torment. When it was an acceptable time to go to bed he rushed to his room. The sooner he fell asleep the sooner it would be tomorrow. He would spend the day making himself look as good as possible. It was hard but eventually he managed to fall asleep.

******************************************

Paul had had an awful nights sleep. His mind had been racing with all kinds of possibilities. He had weird dreams that kept waking him up. So he rose a little later in the morning. When he opened his eyes the first thing he saw were the flowers. Fuck! He looked at his clock. Alright there were still 8 hours to get ready. Paul got up and started looking through his clothes, searching for the best outfit. He felt giddy like a girl who had been asked on her very first date. He had to look his absolute best for two reasons. If there was a chance for him and John to get back together, he needed to be absolutely irresistible, so John would have no doubts. However, if Johns plan was to humiliate him publicly, if he looked his best he’d show John exactly what he was missing. It took him the entire morning to come up with the right shirt and trousers combo. With that settled he had to shower. It’d take most of the day for his hair to dry. He used a body wash he saved for special occasions. Once showered, he then went about making sure every part of him looked good. He used a facemask to give himself that fresh glow, he made sure his fingernails were clean and neat, he kept making sure his hair was drying straight and neat, He used lotion to make his skin soft,. From top to bottom there wasn’t an inch of Paul he didn’t pamper, clean and neaten. He had never looked so good. He even shaved back some of the hair that had grown over his hands and gave his eyebrows a little going over with the tweezers. No he wasn’t one for plucking his eyebrows, they naturally grew like they did but today was special. He checked the clock. 2 hours to go. Good. That gave him plenty of time to get into town. He didn’t want to rush and mess himself up again. He needed to take his time not only to preserve all the work he had done, but to keep himself calm. His heart was beating almost too fast as he left to catch the bus into the centre of Liverpool. Today was not the day to be walking. Of course this meant he would be in town an hour and a half early, but there was plenty to occupy his time. He strolled around the docks, had a coffee and did a little window shopping to kill time. Finally he realised he had 10 minutes to get to the restaurant. Ignoring his heart and shaking, Paul quickly checked his appearance in a nearby public bathroom then went to stand outside the meeting place.

**************************************

Fuck fuck FUCK! Of course he was late! John was never any good at keeping time however part of it was not his fault, but two old women in the flower shop who would not stop talking while John waited to make his purchase. Of all times he had to be late… John sighed as he finally got off the bus. He checked his watch. Okay, only a five minutes late. Fashionably late. But he knew Paul was punctual and had no doubt he would already be there. He couldn’t leave him waiting. He smoothed down the smart shirt he had put on and did a speed walk to the place. As predicted, John saw Paul standing there. He had to stop as he was completely taken aback. It had been a while since John had really taken in Pauls appearance. But he had quite clearly grown a little more. He was taller than John remembered, his jaw was more defined but he still had those adorably chubby cheeks. The slight podge Paul used to complain about had pretty much gone. He was no longer that awkward teen but becoming an extremely attractive young man. Johns eyes unashamedly raked Paul while he could, while Paul was clueless that he was. His eyes finally tore from that gorgeous face down. Paul had curves. On some men it would look ridiculous but Paul carried it off flawlessly. His arse was perfectly round, hugged nicely by his choice of trousers, his thighs… John had to stop before he started drooling. Besides he noticed Paul looking around and getting more nervous. He knew if he didn’t go to him soon, Paul would think John had messed with him and he’d have blown his chance. John gave himself a little shake and took a deep breath. Mustering all the confidence he could he approached Paul. “Hey.” He said softly. Pauls head turned to look over and he seemed to freeze. In his head Paul was going to turn and say hey back. But something caught in his throat. He wasn’t used to seeing John so groomed. He looked so good. Was that effort? Had John put in effort for Paul? He tried to not get too excited by what that meant. Paul swallowed. “H… Hey.” He smiled. John melted hearing that voice and seeing that smile again. He then remembered what he was holding in his hand. “Oh fuck…I mean… damn… I mean I got ya these!” John got flustered and held out the rose and small box of chocolates for Paul. Paul couldn’t help the little giggle. John looked far too adorable that flustered. Johns cheeks were getting pinker. God he felt dumb. Paul took the gifts. “Thank you. They’re lovely.” His face fell a bit. “Sorry I… I didn’t get you anything.” John didn’t like how upset Paul looked at that. “No no no it’s okay ya didn’t have to. No ya shouldn’t have! I invited you! And… I have a lot of apologising to do.” John looked down ashamed. Paul bit his lip then in a daring move, reached forward with his free hand and held Johns. Johns head shot up. Encouraged, he smiled and gave Pauls hand a little squeeze. Paul looked even happier at that. “Right… well now. I believe I promised you dinner.” John announced, getting that bit of confidence back. As John acted more like himself, Paul relaxed with him. “Lead on.” Paul stood next to him, but didn’t let go of Johns hand. John grinned and took Paul inside. Of course it had been a late reservation so they didn’t exactly get the best table. But they got in and that was all that mattered. When they were sat, John ordered wine much to Pauls surprise. There was a bit of silence as they scoured the menus, the only bits of conversation being talking about what they may order. Once the food had been ordered and the wine poured, John took a moment to just take in what was happening. He was sat at dinner with Paul, something he thought would never happen again. Hell, he wouldn’t have given anyone a second chance if he had been treated like Paul had. That was what made Paul so amazing, so much better to John. And in the dim candle light he looked more beautiful than ever. However as John stared Paul got a little self-conscious. “Wh…What?” “Huh? Oh… nothin… s’just… I don’t think ya ever been more gorgeous...” Paul blushed heavily at that and busied himself with taking a drink. John thought he looked too adorable. He loved making Paul blush with compliments. “So… flirting are we Lennon?” Paul teased. Johns smile widened. “Of course. Who wouldn’t?” John felt another flutter as he made Paul blush again. Talking to him was just so easy. He found he didn’t want to talk about anything heavy just yet. No, this dinner was to make up for last years failure and to give him the chance to treat Paul like a princess. It went so smoothly, better than John could have imagined. Paul was receptive, laughing at Johns silly jokes, blushing when he was complimented and accepting John feeding him a bit of his food to try. He even fed John a bit. By the time it was finished, John was on cloud 9 and Paul was almost certain this was a dream now. John paid the bill and got up and held Pauls coat out for him, being the perfect gentleman. With linked arms they headed out into the night. “Now… it’s up to you… I don’t wanna pressure you but… Would ya like to come back to mine?” John asked nervously. Paul seemed to think about it. Memories of last year resurfaced making him falter a bit. However tonight had been perfect. John was clearly not drunk and besides, he knew they had a lot to talk about. Slowly Paul nodded. “Yeah…. Yeah I’d like that.” John felt a bubble of excitement rise in his chest. He had this chance to get Paul back! Instead of taking Paul to get a bus, he paid for a taxi. During the ride, Paul even put his head on Johns shoulder. Johns eyes widened and he shakily put an arm around Pauls waist. Fuck that felt good… it felt right, holding Paul against him in that protective way. Once inside Johns house, John carried on being the perfect gentleman, taking Pauls coat to hang up for him and making him a drink. He put on some music and sat with Paul. They had a little light chat to relax the atmosphere. Eventually, John couldn’t hold back anymore. “Look… Paul… I owe you the biggest apology. I was a fuckin idiot. I didn’t mean any of what I said. It were my own insecurities comin out… nothing to do with you. Ya… Ya fuckin perfect Paul. Too perfect for someone like me. I understand if ya just wanna take this night as an apology an we never see each other again. But… If ya would wanna… Would ya give me a chance ta treat ya like ya should have been all that time?” John just went ahead and blurted it all out before he lost his nerve. Paul listened carefully. He knew John could get nasty when he was drunk and if something was upsetting him or making him uncomfortable in any way he would lash out like he did. “It hurt I ain’t gonna deny that John. I ain’t ever been hurt like that before.” Paul started, making it clear to John this wouldn’t be a ‘forgive and forget’ thing. When John looked at Paul sadly, Paul took his hand. “However… Ya seem genuine. I believe ya know ya were an idiot. Ya learned from it. An… I would like ta give ya a second chance.” John looked at Paul with wide eyes. He was certain Paul was going to reject him! Without thinking, John pulled Paul close. “I’ve been dyin to do this all fuckin night.” With that he crushed his lips against Pauls, wrapping his arms around him. He felt another jolt when he felt Paul hold onto him tightly, grasping fistfuls of his shirt. John didn’t want to break the kiss. When they needed to breathe, John moved to kiss Pauls jaw and neck. He felt a shudder as he heard Pauls soft gasps and moans. He remembered Paul lost in throes of passion and to John there was never a more beautiful sight. No, he had to do this right. Although he could feel himself getting aroused by Paul, he pulled back. “I… I’m so grateful… ya fuckin amazin y’know that?” Paul blushed again. Before he could say anything, John stood up. “An someone as amazin as you deserves ta be spoilt.” He held out his hand. Paul looked at John confused but took his hand. John was going to give Paul that pamper session even if it was a year late. John took Paul up to his bedroom, where he had covered it in rose petals and little LED candles. On the bed was a towel and fluffy pillows. On the bedside table, a selection of scented oils. “I understand if it’s a little much… but I’d really like ta show ya what I wanted to give ya last year.” Paul looked at John with wide eyes. He had gone to all this effort! With a little smile, Paul nodded. “I’d like that.” He needed to know John hadn’t meant to be cruel, that his intentions had been sweet and romantic. John looked so happy at that. “If you don’t mind then… I would need you to remove that lovely shirt.” Paul was a little uncertain however he had to trust John. He reached down to unbutton the shirt. John frowned. No, Paul shouldn’t have to do anything. “Here, allow me.” He carefully reached down and started unbuttoning Pauls shirt, exposing his soft, milky skin. His hands were shaking and his breath coming in gasps as he got to see Pauls body again. He couldn’t resist appreciating it a bit. He bit his lip, noticing Paul had a little trail of black hair going down towards his pants. John couldn’t resist brushing it with his fingertips. Paul always loved hair being brushed and played with. Paul gasped a bit and his eyes fluttered. John swallowed, no he had to carry on. He couldn’t get swept up in his overwhelming urge to rip Pauls clothes off and have him right up against the wall. He had to pamper Paul. He carefully finished unbuttoning the shirt. Paul had definitely grown into his body more. His muscles were more defined. Despite having that feminine charm, Paul had an equally intoxicating manliness and John was completely taken. He carefully slipped Pauls shirt off him. “Alright darlin… On the bed… lie on ya stomach.” Paul looked confused but did so. John sat next to him. There was a pause before Paul felt something cold on his back. He hissed but before he could say anything he felt Johns hands instantly get to work, massaging him. Fuck he had no idea John was so good at it. Paul was quickly relaxed, resting his head on his arm, his eyes half closed. John smiled seeing Pauls reaction. He made sure Paul was relaxed all over. When he was done with Pauls back he bit his lip. “Hey… Paulie… Can I do ya front?” Paul looked up then carefully rolled so he was on his back. John felt a flutter seeing Paul lying on his bed like that. Swallowing again he resumed his massage, shaking a bit as his hands glided over Pauls stomach and chest. Paul suddenly gasped as one of Johns hands ran over a nipple. Paul looked up at John with unsure eyes. Of course he felt that heat pooling in his lower stomach as John ran his hands all over him. John recognised that look. It was almost identical to the one Paul had given just before they had sex for the first time. John knew then this was affecting Paul as much as it was him. “Shhh Macca…” John cooed, to keep him calm. “It’ll be alright… I won’t push… but I just wanna make ya feel good…If I go too far…. Just say… I’ll stop okay?” He understood that Paul might need easing back into it. Paul gave a little nod. John thought his heart was going to explode as he carefully undid Pauls trousers. “I’m just gonna give ya legs a little massage, okay?” He reassured Paul. Paul helped get his trousers off. John could see the stirrings of an erection in Pauls boxers. He had to ignore it and the urges he had to go directly there. Instead he carefully massaged Pauls thighs. As Paul relaxed, John got a little braver and moved to Pauls inner thigh. Pauls breath hitched and he opened his legs a little more. Encouraged, John slowly worked up them, alternating between legs. He could see Paul was now fully erect. Paul had propped himself up on his elbows to watch John. His eyes kept fluttering shut, his lips parted as he gasped. When John got near his cock, Paul let out a tiny moan. Johns eyes flicked up and he drank in the sight of Paul like this. He loved seeing Paul needy. “Is this alright Macca? Is this what ya want?” He asked. Paul nodded without hesitation. “P…Please… fuck…. John…” He gasped, his voice heavier with need. At that, John wasted no time. He reached up and gently stroked Paul through his boxers. Paul cried out, a mix of pleasure and relief at finally being touched. John went as slowly as he could, despite feeling like he was going to break the zip on his trousers soon. He spent some time just palming Paul through the material. Eventually he could hear a few little pleas in Pauls moaning. He needed more. And who was John to refuse? John slowly ran a hand down that trail of hair to Pauls boxers. Carefully, he pulled the waistband down, pulling the last piece of clothing from Paul. John couldn’t help the little moan as he exposed Paul completely. It felt like a lifetime since he had seen Paul naked and erect. He threw down Pauls boxers and took some time to just take it in. Paul moaned impatiently beneath him. John snapped back to reality. “Paul I… Fuck it!” John suddenly stood up and grabbed Pauls wrist. Paul was shocked and a little more turned on at Johns roughness and he yanked Paul up and pushed him against the wall. “I gotta have you Paul. An I can’t be sweet an slow. I gotta fuck ya till ya can’t see straight!” John held Pauls wrists against the wall as he kissed him roughly. Paul could do nothing but kiss back and moan. He had always loved it when John got like this. John paused briefly to feverishly yank off his own clothes. Paul bit his lip and watched as John got himself just as naked. Fuck he looked so good to Paul. Pauls eyes were drawn to Johns own erection and he felt a shiver of excitement. “John…. John please…” He moaned. John grinned hearing that. He’d never tire of it. “Alright love calm down. We gotta do this properly though.” John reached down and finally wrapped his hand around Pauls cock, stroking it roughly. “Ya not used ta bein fucked anymore are ya? I gotta make sure I don’t hurt ya… gotta make sure ya up ta goin all night.” Paul looked at John with wide eyes. All night? Though he had a feeling John would stop if he really asked him. Paul just let himself get lost in the feeling, moaning and gasping at what John was doing to him. John suddenly stopped. He went to a draw and got out a bottle of lube then knelt in front of Paul. “Alright ya needy boy… I got ya.” He grinned. While he was talking, John slicked up his fingers and reached up to tease Pauls hole. He groaned remembering the feelings of taking Paul. His desk still had scratches in it where he had fucked Paul mercilessly against it. Paul seemed to be having similar memories as he felt John tease. After a little teasing, John slowly pushed a finger in. Paul hissed and squirmed. John licked up Pauls cock, trying to distract him. It worked, as Paul was distracted long enough for John to slip in two fingers and properly prepare him. He suddenly stood up, lubing himself. “Alright Paul, I think ya ready.” John grabbed Pauls leg and lifted it to give himself an easier entrance. Paul was shaking with excitement as he felt John pressing his tip against his hole. Carefully he slipped into Paul. Both of the boys cried out in pleasure. Paul missed feeling so full and John missed feeling Paul around him. Paul wrapped his arms around John as he pushed all the way in. He ignored the tears welling up and helped John as he slowly moved inside him. “Fuck fuck fuck John…s…s’so good…yes!” Paul moaned right down Johns ear. John held Paul in place as he sped up. Unfortunately the position, while it helped push John into Paul deeper was tiring on both of them. When it got too much, John pulled out and spun Paul around, pushing him face first into the wall. He carefully lined himself up again then grabbed Pauls hips and slammed into him. Paul screamed out his pleasure, pushing back against John as he fucked him roughly. Sweat and tears poured yet they had no intention of slowing down. “Sh… Shit John…m…M’gonna cum! Gonna cum!” Paul cried as John slammed into him, hitting that oh so sweet spot inside him. At that John pulled out. Paul whined at the loss of feeling, the welling orgasm dying inside him. John turned Paul around again. “You’re not cumming just yet love.” Before Paul could answer John had gone to his desk. He swiped everything off then shoved Paul against it. Paul remembered the last time they had done this, how good it felt, how John could perfectly hit that sweet spot inside him. With Paul bent over his desk, John knelt down and licked up Pauls thigh. Paul gasped not expecting that. He moaned in frustration needing to feel John inside him again. He had been so close! John licked all the way up until he was at Pauls hole. It felt so exciting tasting himself there as he pushed his tongue inside Paul. Paul had never felt anything like it. His head was blank as John licked him and stroked his cock. John was a master at edging Paul. He knew how much to give and when to take it away. When Paul couldn’t take anymore teasing, John stood up and pushed into him again. “Yes! Yes John fuck yes yes yes!” Paul cried as John began fucking him mercilessly into the desk, scraping it along the floor a bit. Paul was sure he’d have a bruise on his stomach from this. He didn’t care. It wasn’t long before Paul was screaming that he wanted to cum. John listened and pulled away just at the last minute. “FUCK!” Paul screamed in frustration. “John please! Please let me cum! Need ta cum!” John pulled Paul up and kissed him. “I gotta watch ya cum though.” John explained before pushing Paul onto the bed. He’d let Paul cum now he would be able to see his face. He wrapped Pauls legs around his waist and pushed him again. This time no edging, no teasing. He wanted to see Paul lost in passion. Besides he couldn’t keep this up much longer himself. Paul threw his head back and cried loudly as John fucked him. He was a mess, his face red and tear streaked, sweat making his hair messy and John loved every damn second. He could feel Paul getting close again. “A… Alright Paulie…. Gonna… Gonna make ya cum…a…all over yaself…. Messy boy…” John groaned, reaching down to stroke Paul as he assaulted his sweet spot. “Yes! Yes John please please gonna cum gonna… gonna-” Paul came very suddenly. Loud and violently after all the teasing. John dragged out the orgasm as long as he could. The problem was seeing that, hearing that and feeling Paul around him he couldn’t hold back any longer. John came, filling Paul up. He collapsed on top of Paul. They took a moment, catching their breath and to come down. “Wow…” Paul gasped softly. John smiled at Paul and kissed him sweetly. He carefully pulled out of Paul. “C’mon lets get ya cleaned up.” John muttered. He pulled Paul to the bathroom where they had a quick shower. Paul just wanted to snuggle with John after that so was rushing a bit. Finally, John took him back to his bedroom where he threw the towel onto the floor to deal with in the morning. He wrapped Paul up in his arms and the covers. Neither cared about the mess around them of clothes and candles. All they cared about was each other. Paul buried his face in the crook of Johns neck. “I love you.” He muttered making Johns heart soar. “I love you too, so much Macca.” He replied kissing Pauls head. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

[imaginedanganronpa]

how about Amami with a shsl bounty hunter?? I think you know why :) (ps. i love you so much and I hope you’re taking care of yourself)

This is honestly so sweet, I love you too and I hope the same for you! Thank you, and I hope you like it! Always down with some love for my best boy. :)

Rantaro Amami x Ultimate Bounty Hunter S/O!

Everyonealways thought that Rantaro was a mysterious individual, but nothing about hismysterious aura could compare to yours. Admittedly, he was quite skeptical about you at first and kept his guard up around you until he felt like he had a good reading on your personality.

He was intrigued when he first met you, to say the least. He kept his distancefor a long time to figure you out and watched you from afar, just calmly observing and making logical assumptions about you.

Rantaro has never met a Bounty Hunter before, and he started to wonder what that must have been like; although, he tried to refrain from making quick assumptions and stereotypes.

Not everyone was as keen to do that, though. Ouma Kokichi and Kaito Momota were two of the few who bombarded you with questions like, “Oh, have you ever killed anyone?”

Now he’s the one thinking someone else is suspicious; oh, how the tables have turned.

It’s not like you didn’t feel Rantaro eyeing you, but you didn’t pay any attention to him at first. You figured that if he was someone of importance then he would make his presence known. Still, his gaze from across the room started to get under your skin, but he was simply trying to figure out which angle to approach you from.

Eventually, he made his move and politely introduced himself. He sat backwards in the chair beside yours, leaning against it with his chin resting on his hands. “My name is Rantaro Amami,” he says calmly, “I’ve been meaning to get to know you.”

You weren’t sold on him at first, hoping that this wasn’t another guy just trying to aimlessly flirt with you. Something about him caused you to grow a bit suspicious of him, but he insisted that, “I’m really not a bad guy.”

Rantaro surprised you - he was much more gentlemanly and respectful than you originally thought he would be, and you slowly started to trust the green-haired man. He was the one who confidently asked you out on your first date and you simply went to uncover more about the mysterious man.

After dating for awhile, Rantaro became increasingly worried about your safety, as his nurturing brotherly instincts start to take over. He had so many questions about your title as a Bounty Hunter and feared that you might wind-up injured someday.

If he couldn’t keep his sisters safe, how would he be able to protect you?

After a long conversation, you successfully eased his mind and caused him to relax a little bit more, feeling a bit less antsy about your talent. He had to trust you since you weren’t the Ultimate for no reason, right?

Rantaro loves how mature you are, but that comes mainly from your job. You have to be mature and have a level-head in order to be a successful Bounty Hunter, and he can admire your patience. Your relaxed personality matches his own and he can respect it.

Your relationship flows well together since you are both mature individuals, so you hardly ever argue, especially over minor stuff. You both know when to let loose and have a little bit more fun, and you really feel alive when he lets out his more romantic side.

He will listen to all of your stories so intently, genuinely curious about your history. Rantaro loves hearing about all of the criminals you’ve brought to justice and offers to help in any way that he can.

He also admires your work and knows that it takes a lot of courage to do what you do. He truly thinks you are a hero and looks up to you, gaining some peace of mind in knowing that the streets are a little bit safer with you around. 

He wants you to help aid him in his search for his missing sisters, which takes plenty of planning and time. It’s something he often brings up in conversation and you can tell that it weighs heavily on his soul.

Rantaro is always quick to listen about your day. Anytime you have an exciting story to tell, he will listen with bright eyes and ask so many questions; it makes him feel like a little kid again with each story-time.

And if you do get hurt on the job, your boyfriend will help take care of you until you’re back on your feet. Rantaro is always willing to give you a simple massage if you’re feeling tense or stressed out and will run a bubble-bath for you, tending to all of your needs. You can tell that he loves and adores you greatly.

The adventurous side of him starts peeking out when he suggests tagging along with you on some of your missions. He’s so interested in how your job works and really wants to see you in your element, but you insist that it isn’t a good idea.

With a lot of convincing, you eventually bring Rantaro along for one day but force him to stay in the car if anything goes haywire, which he can get behind. He feels a bit of anxiety when you go undercover and meet with the criminals one on one, but that is soon replaced with a sense of pride once you finally handcuff them.

In his eyes, there’s no one nearly as bad-ass as you are and he loves you for it. And as long as you’re safe, Rantaro has no need to worry. He often jokes about how you’re able to protect him, but there’s some truth in his humor. You’d do anything to keep him safe, and he would go to great lengths for you in return.

- Mod Rantaro

[arofili]

legolas or celebrimbor??

celebrimbor doesn’t have a tumblr, he made that shit. he and narvi are @staff.

(well. they were @staff…)

leg …. pre fellowship

their blog url

green-leaves-in-a-green-forest

(or something equally long and horrendously hyphenated and fake poetic)

the kind of posts they reblog

random shit he finds amusing

like, cat pictures and social justice posts from 2013

no theme at all

i would never follow him

the first person they followed

tauriel

she convinced him to get a tumblr because of the memes

a year later, she regrets this immensely

she matured and has a better blog that she doesn’t even use much

legolas is the exact same.

what kind of theme they’d have

tumblr default theme

what kind of text posts they make at 2am

he will wake up in the middle of the night and post about the dreams he just had, but without any context

“made some chocolate milk with the lady who pulls the sun. tasted like weed. also, that one girl who i thought i had a crush on in 3rd grade was there. awkward.”

“sweating so much!! just ran a marathon with my dad while we were being chased by oliophaunts. the racetrack turned into a river halfway through. we won!!”

he thinks he’s funny

(he’s not.)

leg …… during fellowship

their blog url

he privated his blog for the first part of the journey because he thought it would be safer

after a few weeks he gets bored and starts liveblogging this shit

at that point his url becomes “fellowshipoftheleg”

his blog title is “Eight Idiots And A Gorgeous Elf Save The World”

“Hello! My name is Legolas Greenleaf. I am currently on a quest to save the world. The details are ~secret~ but I needed a place to vent so here we go. My companions are all idiots, except for me. My interests include….”

you know the type of subtitle i’m talking about.

the kind of posts they reblog

he basically stops reblogging and only makes original posts during this period of time

the liveblog

legolas had >300 followers before this, but his posts about his journey start to gain traction

his liveblog is pretty much petty complaints at first

he talks shit about gimli

he cracks “jokes” about boromir

(again. he’s not funny)

he reports on the weird stuff gandalf does

he gushes over the adorable hobbits

(until one day he accidentally bumps into frodo and sam tries to jump him.

he’s a little afraid of them after that.)

he quotes aragorn like there’s no tomorrow

some of these are like, actually deep

most of them sound like stuff from inspirobot

or they’re stupid inside jokes

everyone gets code names, cuz legolas isn’t that stupid

gandalf is “old man”

aragorn is “the bro”

boromir is “angstlord”

the hobbits go through tons of nicknames

“itty bitties”

“curly boys”

tiny monsters

eventually they get their own, but by that point the fellowship has split

gimli is “asshole dwarf”

after a few weeks… he becomes weirdly popular.

his story reads like a trollfic, with stupid plot twists and bizarre anecdotes

this mostly is anecdotes, not the full scope of the quest

he mostly makes text posts, with a few pictures here and there

every now and then he’ll post a snapshot of the fellowship roasting marshmallows

or a selfie of him in lothlorien

or a sneaky pic of him drawing dicks on boromir’s face while he’s asleep

he used to be low-profile, but shit’s gone whack.

he’s gaining hundreds of followers a day

his top post has half a million notes.

he’s a tumblr “cewebrity”

everyone on tumblr thinks this is just a story, not real life

people dig through his old posts looking for clues and foreshadowing

they’re baffled by the dedication the mod of the blog has to building up this “legolas” character

or they’re puzzled by the mod’s decision to turn this shit blog into a dedicated storytelling platform

legolas is bombarded with asks and @ mentions

but like…this bitch don’t actually know how to use this website.

he can make a post and reblog one

but that’s literally it

he’s the kind of blogger who leaves stupid captions on popular posts

he can’t figure out how tags work

he’s never heard of xkit

all his asks go unanswered

he’s only sort of aware of what’s going on

he’s blogging 100% from mobile, which makes it even worse

the Legolas Fandom goes buckwild

there is not enough time in the day to over it all

ship wars.

fan theories.

headcanon drama.

it’s a mess.

and again, legolas has no clue that this is going on.

when he catches feelings for gimli…things get insane.

he writes gushy, cringy, angsty posts about gimli

he posts pics of gimli with flower crowns

he composes bad poetry about gimli

the fan base is infuriated.

they’d all been shipping him with aragorn.

and like, no one in the fellowship has a fucking clue this is happening.

at least, not until they get to 

it’s ironic that Isolated Horseblr User eowyn is the first one to recognize legolas

she finally gets up the courage to ask him about it

“has someone been stealing your selfies, or…?”

he is astonished.

if Leg could, he’d shut down the whole thing

even if eowyn had wanted to help him do that, he’s just in too deep

he’s in this for the long haul.

now, Legolas starts to make shit up.

that’s when his popularity tanks.

he’s getting callouts

he’s everyone’s “problematic fav”

people dig through his blog to find dirt instead of clues

Legolas is more aware of this now, and he pouts for days

then gimli, a Twitter-Only lad, finally sees a masterpost explaining everything

he connects the dots way quicker than anyone else did

and oh fuck.

he’s frantically tweeting–

“wtf do i do??”

“i think i’m the asshole dwarf??”

“but he’s like in love with the asshole dwarf now??”

“oh my god, my crush likes me back??”

“has he been liveblogging EVERYTHING??”

eventually he deletes it all and decides to confront legolas

the leg boy caves under pressure and spills the beans.

they figure their personal shit out

of course, aragorn knew everything all along.

at least, that’s what he says

gimli takes over the liveblog for a day and everyone goes nuts.

together, he and leg decide that they’ve got to end this fake-ish story

even though they don’t know the ending of the real one.

for someone who’s never used it before, gimli picks up tumblr etiquette quickly

and on mobile. that’s a whole nother level of perseverance.

he starts streamlining shit, collecting information, making use of fan masterposts

he ties all the loose ends together

with a little bit of help from legolas to make it suitably weird, they close the story strong with a bang and a kiss.

aragorn finds their version of events…amusing.

after the real dust settles and the news stories about the Real Quest hit the press…

now legolas is a Real Actual Celebrity

his fans new and old start to see…similarities between the two stories

plagiarism?

insider info?

conspiracy?

coincidence?

no one can decide.

leg ………… post fellowship

their blog url

Legolas has three blogs now.

“fellowshipoftheleg” is kept as an archive. he doesn’t post there anymore.

he has a secret personal blog, “greenwood-gossip”, that he just posts random shit on like before.

and finally he has a Real Life Famous Person Tumblr Blog, “legolasgreenleaf”

the kind of posts they reblog

with the help of gimli and tauriel, he figures out how to actually use this website.

like most celeb blogs this one doesn’t post much

but he does reblog edits of himself and of his friends

every time he’s asked about fellowshipoftheleg he answers that he is not responsible for it and has no idea about it and would you all please stop asking about it.

the first person they followed

aragorn’s new Famous Person account.

this blog is deactivated after two months because he never uses it.

what kind of theme they’d have

something that should be really classy but with awkward shades of green

like, it had potential but again…legolas has a terrible eye for design

what kind of text posts they make at 2am

he doesn’t usually make original posts

but sometimes he’ll complain about gimli’s weird habits

and once - just once - he confessed that he was the one who ran that liveblog all those years ago

he deleted the post an hour later, but there were screenshots.

legolas is the Ultimate Troll.

[the-astro-ace]

Merlin Writer Month: WIP Week Part 1 - Gen Fics (No Romance)

“Part one?” you ask in confusion upon reading the title.

“Hmmm yes, reader,” I respond, stroking my metaphorical beard.  “I found over twenty fics to recommend for @madaboutmerlin’s Merlin Writer Month, but I don’t think the mods would appreciate one giant post.  So I am splitting into two not-so giant posts.  Below I shall link the eleven gen fics I recommend, and then Part 2 shall be all the not-gens.  And they shall be linked from most recently updated to, well, not.  Please enjoy.”

Part 2: The Not-Gen Fics 

GEN FICS - May contain romance, but not the focus of the story (at least no more than the show)

Rend and Rebuild by PeaceHeather

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Chapters: 38/?

Last Updated: 2018-11-18

Summary:  One wrong move in the heat of battle changes everything. Merlin is a sorcerer, and Arthur has stabbed him.

My Comments: From angst to well-written battles to a wonderful Merlin and Gwaine friendship this fic has a lot of things that I love  It’s got Druids, it’s got BAMF Merlin, it’s got Gwaine just being GREAT, what more could you want??  And at 38 chapters, you have quite a bit to get through before you have to wait for updates, and even then it’s nearing the end. so I expect that you won’t be left disappointed.

Do You Feel Like a Young God? by onceandfuturewarlock

Rating: Mature

Chapters: 4/?

Last Updated: 11-14-2018

Summary: When Merlin's magic is discovered by the last person he ever would have expected, he soon finds himself a pawn in the most twisted, dangerous game he's ever played, no way to win, and no way out - unless, of course, he changes the rules.

My Comments: Okay, just a heads up: this fic is DARK.  HEED THE TAGS.  This fic is GOOD but it is HEAVY STUFF MAN.  You thought you couldn’t have Agravaine more?? HOO BOY THIS FIC WILL PROVE YOU WRONG; I have literally written the phrase “I want to shank Agravaine with a rusty spoon” in a comment to this fic.  Twice.

Stronger Than by NotNecessarilyInThatOrder

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Chapters: 8/?

Last Updated: 2018-11-12

Summary: “I said I was dying.” Arthur sighed.“I don’t have time for this.” “Would you have had time to retrieve my corpse?” Merlin thought, then nearly smacked himself when Arthur’s expression made him realize he’d spoken out loud. Could Merlin have told the truth if Arthur had been willing to listen that morning? What would that mean for their future? For Morgana's?

My Comments: An AU starting with s3e02 that it looking to be a MORGANA REDEMPTION YEAH BOI.  Excellent read, and I look forward to finding out where it will go :D

The Siege Perilous by CarverTwaine

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Chapters: 6/?

Last Updated: 2018-10-21

Summary: (Druid Merlin AU) Druids came for Hunith's son long ago. Years later, a man named Emrys and his apprentice are captured as Druids in Camelot. But Emrys strikes a deal with Uther: as long as the King allows Emrys to live as a political prisoner in the dungeons, the Druids will stay far away from Camelot. Uther agrees. Hated and feared, Emrys works to gain the trust of his jailers.

My Comments: I have a thing for Druid!Merlin apparently, and this fic falls into that.  Most recent chapter left off on a cliffhanger so I’m :OOO atm but it’s VERY GOOD and I recommend you all read this one as well :D

A Sea and Four Centuries by MDJensen

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Chapters: 6/10

Last Updated: 2018-09-27

Summary: In which Lancelot and Aramis wake up in the wrong beds-- and the wrong countries, and the wrong centuries. HIATUS until ~December 2018.

My Comments: Probably the fluffiest thing on this list.  A crossover with Three Musketeers in which the author literally swaps Santiago Cabrera’s characters.  That’s it, that’s the story.  But it’s not just crack- there’s angst, there’s emotions, and overall what I feel is a realistic reaction to what would happen if this, well, happened lol.  I especially adore the scenes in which Lancelot is learning French- THE AUTHOR ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGES THAT THERE’S A LANGUAGE BARRIER- IT’S GREAT.

Knowledge does not mean Understanding by Selene467

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Chapters: 5/10

Last Updated: 2018-09-27

Summary: In a time when Merlin's magic is outed and accepted -something he never thought possible months ago- Arthur is shown that despite knowing how strong Merlin is, he doesn't fully understand -comprehend- just how powerful he truly is. A dangerous conflict in which Merlin all but sacrifices himself to save everyone else, shows Arthur that there is far more to Merlin than he thought possible. Gaius wasn't kidding when he told Arthur that Merlin was the strongest sorcerer ever to have lived.

My Comments: I greatly enjoy the non-linear story telling of this one- with the present interspersed with flashbacks to the magic reveal, it allows the reader to see what happened without just an info dump lol (also I’m considering trying that style myself now).   Just I recommend this one too lol

A Criminal’s Burial by gecko818

Rating: Mature

Chapters: 8/?

Last Updated: 2018-07-02

Summary: Upon awakening in a strange castle with no memory of the last week, Arthur learned that not only had he been recovering from poison, but that Merlin was responsible for the betrayal. Unfortunately, the boy was reportedly killed by Arthur's own sword and left to rot. Little does he know, the story is a mere ruse to conquer Camelot. NOT a death!fic. Merlin!/Arthur!Whump.

My Comments: With Arthur angsting over the fact that he thinks he’s literally killed Merlin gd and Merlin being, well, not treated well in an enemy lord’s dungeon, this fic is hurt/comfort gold.  At least, when the comfort part reaches lol.  But with intrigue, and emotions running high, this fic is a good one and I sincerely hope it updates soon lmao

The Right Thing by AithuzahFic (veritably_mad)

Rating: General Audiences

Chapters: 3/?

Last Updated: 2018-05-10

Summary: Merlin jumped when Arthur spoke. “He didn’t deny it,” he said, his voice low and cool. “I’m sorry?” “He said he loved her and would never hurt her, but he never said it wasn’t true.”

My Comments: How the aftermath of the Arthur nearly killing Uther scene SHOULD HAVE GONE.  But if this exchange doesn’t convince you, idk what will: Every word Arthur had spoken had Merlin off-balance and reeling, but his next question threatened to knock him flat. “Will you help me?” Merlin gaped at Arthur long enough that the earnest nobility of his expression faltered. “I realize it’s a lot to ask—it is essentially treason, after all—” “I have magic,” Merlin blurted, and then slapped both his hands over his mouth. Arthur stared at him. Merlin stared back. “Well,” Arthur said at last, “I suppose treason isn’t a problem for you, then.”

Silence Cuts Loudest Through the Chaos by 1917farmgirl

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Chapters: 20/?

Last Updated: 2018-04-16

Summary: Kidnapped by a mad king, Arthur and Merlin must rely on each other like never before. While Arthur struggles with choices that put his heart and duty at odds, Merlin struggles just to stay alive after being stripped of his magic and freedom. With impossible choices and heavy secrets weighing them down, can they manage to escape before all is lost? 2018 Frog Award at HPFT for "Best Non-Harry Potter Fanfiction"

My Comments: I love this fic SO MUCH.  Merlin and Arthur’s friendship is done SO BEAUTIFULLY in this- feels exactly like the show’s.  I know the author plans to continue and I sincerely hope she manages to conquer this writer’s block that has had her down for months ;-;.  But, in the meantime, there’s over 70k worth of material to read, and I highly recommend you do :D

The Truth of Who We Are by Marie_Iliea

Rating: General Audiences Chapters: 4/?

Last Updated: 2018-02-20

Summary: Set into the wall, a brazier evenly spaced between them, were words, each with the imprint of a hand below it, and a pair of footprints set into the floor below that. Loyalty, Strength, Courage, Servitude, Magic, Nobility, Humility, Authority, and Discipline. Merlin recognized the riddle right away, having met the dwarf during Arthur’s quest. He knew three of the names, three of the matches — and it terrified him. What would the others make of him being Magic? He shivered, a thrill of fear running down his spine. Or: When Arthur and the knights go hunting, but events take a predictably unusual turn that exposes Merlin's magic to them all -- and then it all goes, quite literally, to the Otherworld. I finally figured out where this 'one-shot turned story' is going to go. Since I like Lancelot and originally this was "Arthur is King, Lancelot is alive," this tale explores how everyone finds out Merlin has magic AND the fallout -- during the chaos with the Dorocha.

My Comments: I also love fics that assign roles to the rest of the knights, and I would love to see where this one plans to go with it

Some Things Are Meant to Be by 1917farmgirl

Rating: General Audiences

Chapters: 2/3

Last Updated: 2018-02-15

Summary:  For Merlin, having the world fall apart around him was nothing new, but having someone there to help him pick up the pieces afterwards unfortunately was. Until it happened twice, with two very special people who appeared in his life when he most needed saving. Modern AU, friendship fic. Sort of Christmas story.

My Comments: A short, bittersweet one that left me sobbing and me wanting more.  Tender hurt/comfort with a side of Christmas.  And with only one chapter left, I hope the author won’t leave us hanging for much longer

[titaniasfics]

Sense8 Character Appreciation Days - Kala Dandekar

I missed Kala’s day yesterday which set me back for all the drabbles. I apologize for that. 

A million thanks to @thegirlfromoverthepond , who has been such a great support. We’re writing/betaing these drabbles while running a challenge, together with our busy mods, over at @loveinpanem. Her contributions make these drabbles so much better.

Please, if I’ve made some mistake with references to Indian culture or anything else, please message me and I will change it quickly. One of the reasons I took so long was because I was doing research trying to get things right.

And yes, they are organized in some way by geography :).

(Wonder what I’m doing here? Check out the Character Appreciation Days Post here and my post about it here).

A Piece of Mumbai

Kala dropped the plastic bags on the counter in a huff of frustration.  While it was reasonably easy to find Indian seasonings in Paris, she was having an impossible time tracking down kewra essence. The city was full of kewra water - every restaurant boasting an Indian meal claimed to feature it. It also enjoyed a reputation for being the best skin toner. But Kala wasn’t interested in the water for cosmetic purposes. She needed it's essence because she was desperate for her father’s shahi tukra. After trying the different varieties available in the Indian shops and restaurants around the city, she had been driven to the extreme of trying to make it herself. She required a very particular type of essence - not the stuff that passed for Indian spices here in Europe.

There was one additional complication - her father’s secret ingredient. Though Kala was sure it had something to do with kewra essence, her troubles were still only just beginning. She remembered in passing that he did something with it once the dish was made. The recipe itself was not difficult and she’d been able to find the basic ingredients, but she was a chemist, not a cook. She had never taken to the food arts the way her sister had and now, she was paying for it. Kala regretted not having figured how exactly her father had made her favorite dish. And now, maybe she would never know.

She sat heavily on the kitchen chair, staring absently at the pretty lemon printed wallpaper of the small Parisian flat she shared with Wolfgang. It was actually theirs, once they’d gotten their lives to resemble some semblance of normal. They did the things everyone else did - they worked, they divided chores, they took vacations, and generally lived their lives, with the tiny exception of the 7 other voices that lived in each other’s heads. It was their normal, the normal they shared with each other.

Kala had never been happier.

But she missed shahi tukra. She missed the way her father smelled when she hugged him after a long night in his restaurant. She missed her sister, with her small, sweet face and silly, big ideas. She missed her mother’s gentle strength. She missed the colors and smells of her city.

She gave herself over to her intense longing and rested her head on her forearm, letting it wash over her.

She sensed Wolfgang before he even pushed the key into the keyhole, turning the doorknob. She brushed the layered bangs from her forehead and stood, rapidly unpacking the bags so that he would not have to see the misery on her face.  She felt his arms around her waist and allowed herself to lean into his chest and take courage from his solidity. 

“Have you found it yet?” he asked.

She shrugged. “No, but It’s not difficult to order. I’m being very silly.”

“No, you just want it very badly,” he turned her around so she would face him. He searched her face; she did not have his gift of hiding his feelings behind a mask of stone. Instead, she dropped her eyes when she answered.

“I’ll just have to wait.”

Wolfgang nodded, lifting her head by the chin to look at her. “I have it on good authority that some authentic Indian restaurants deliver.”

“Do they?” Kala said, quirking an eyebrow. “How do you know this?”

“I just know,” he said, taking her hand. She sighed, reveling in the feel of his hand on hers. There were a million things they could do together but she loved the feeling of her hand in his the most.

He tugged her by the hand and led her out to the living room. Her curiosity quickly became stronger than her melancholy. On their sofa, the pretty yellow, gold and white sofa she and Wolfgang had picked out from an antique dealer, sat a man. Kala at first could not believe what her eyes told her. But as he stood, with his familiar loose shirt and linen pants, Kala did not pause but raced towards him, nearly knocking him over as she flung herself into his open arms.

“Father!” she said into his neck, now wet with her tears.

“I heard from someone that you were in need of an Indian cook?”

She pulled back, looking over her shoulder at Wolfgang, who leaned against the doorjamb of the living room. “You! You did this!”

He shrugged. “I’ve been talking to your dad for a while. Thought it was fair for him to know who stole his daughter.”

Kala turned to look at her father in surprise. His eyes were suffused with the sweetest expression she’d ever seen. Despite everything, he missed her and she knew he loved her. “How is that?”

Sanyam sat, prompting Kala to sit also. “I did not wish to speak to him in the beginning. I was confused by how you disappeared, how you ended everything so abruptly with Rajan. And this story about…what is the word? Sensates?”

Kala remembered their discussion. “You asked me to give you time and I did. I respected that.”

“Yes, you did. But Wolfgang…it was hard. His English is worse than mine. But he talked to me, man to man.”

“You hung up the first time,” Wolfgang interjected, fiddling with a cigarette.

“Well, yes, and the second and the third…” Sanyam added.  “But he was persistent. He called every day. Every day! And one day, I decided I would talk to him, get to know the man in my daughter’s life, who speaks perfect Marathi, by the way.”

“It’s the sensate thing,” Wolfgang said, pointing at his head.

“Right.” Sanyam’s eyes became glassy and he took a deep breath to steady himself. “I missed my beautiful, smiling girl.”

Kala hugged him again, still unable to believe that her father was here, in this city, in her house. Nothing else mattered more than being able to invite her father back into her life again. “How long will you stay.”

“Only one week. Rahul and your mother can handle the restaurant for a few days but it is not the same as when I am there.” He reached behind Kala to a small bag which, in her excitement, she had not noticed before. “This is for you.”

Kala put her hand inside, feeling the cool hardness of the bottle. When she pulled it out, she read the words written in Marathi. “Kewar essence! Oh please, father, I will take you to all the best restaurants in Paris while you are here but tonight…”

Sanyam raised his hand. “Say no more. Tonight, I will cook.”

She let out a loud squeal of excitement that provoked a laugh from her father and even a smile from Wolfgang. When she’d released her father, she beckoned to Wolfgang. “Come here.”

He walked towards her, suddenly very shy and awkward, which made Kala’s heart swell even more. She stood and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly to her. “You are a sneaky demon, you know that?” she whispered in his ear.

He chuckled into her hair. “You can’t hide the way you feel from me. You were so unhappy. You would have done the same thing for me, if you could have .”

Kala nodded. “Yes, I would have.” She released Wolfgang, even though she wanted to kiss him for hours, out of respect for her father, who needed to be eased into her new life. Her father was here, with them. That was so much more than she could have ever hoped for.

“Come,” Sanyam said, getting to his feet urging Wolfgang to follow him to the kitchen. “You haven’t lived until you’ve tried my bhelpuri. It is a secret recipe in my family from generations. If you intend to be with my daughter, you must learn to make it also.”

Wolfgang’s face broke into a rare grin, one he usually reserved only for her. Kala, clutched the bottle of kelwar essence firmly in hand, closer to happiness than she’d ever been. She closed her eyes and whispered a prayer of gratitude to Ganesha as she followed the two men she loved more than anyone else in the entire world.

[aljksfj8eru094r9wfjasldjsadflk]

Ah, can I request something where the guys find out that their s/o is uncomfortable with being randomly touched? Like, not really in any kind of nsfw sense. More like even something innocent like tapping them on the shoulder could cause them to freeze or flinch or something. (But they're fine if they know it's coming. It's the unexpected stuff that's the problem.)

Here you gooo, this took me a small while to complete ^^; it was super interesting to write though! Thank youuu for the request and enjoy!

~Mod Kaede

Kaito Momota

You’re both joking around with each other when, inbetween laughs, he slings his arm around your shoulder

Your laughter is cut short, the hairs on the back of yourneck set on edge as you flinch

It all goes over his head as to why at the start, he justcan’t figure out where your bright mood went

He thinks that you just really didn’t agree with one of the jokes he made or something

When you managed to squeak out a request for him to movehis arm please he jerks it away from you like lightning

Oh no did he hurt you are you okay was he too rough??                

You have to bat away his numerous concerned questions foryour wellbeing before you can manage to explain the situation to him

Even though he understands, he looks a bit upset that hecan’t touch you so you grab his arm and put it back around your shoulder toshow him you just needed some warning

It’s amazing how immediately his face lights up againwhat a  c u t i e

Every now and then he’ll forget but the boy tries hishardest

Kiibo

The poor robot is so confused at first

Like all he did was tap your shoulder in an attempt toget your attention and you just froze on the spot

He’s never seen a human react that way before, that’s notat all a typical reaction

Is it because he’s a robot? Do you not like the idea ofbeing touched by a robot?? Are you robo-racist???

He doesn’t realise he’s also frozen on the spot fromparanoia, only broken from his reverie when you enclose your hands round hisand tentatively remove it from your shoulder

You can see the worry in his face, so you keep your handsholding his as you explain

His first reaction is to panic and berate himself forever thinking of you in a negative light and then to apologise to you profusely

Once he’s got over that stage (you had to reassure him)he’ll interrogate you for every single detail to store in his mind so hedoesn’t mess up again

In future, he’ll loudly stutter out a declaration ofwhenever he’s going to physically contact you, even if you can already see itcoming anyway

“I-I’m going to hug you now!” “I-I’m going to pull youover to see this by your wrist now!”

Rantarou Amami

He can’t help it; you’re sitting alone in the libraryreading a book and drinking some tea and you look so vulnerable

Quietly, he makes his way over to you and wraps his armsaround you from behind, pulling you into his chest

He senses something’s wrong the second you breathe insharply and completely tense up

He moves away so that he just has a hand on your shoulderand comes around the sofa to face you

But your shoulder still flinches at the contact and hequickly figures out the problem

So he withdraws his hand and waits patiently in front ofyou for you to relax, letting you know it’s just him

As a person who is very fond of physical affection, hecan’t help but feel relieved when he learns that you’re okay with contact aslong as you know it’s coming

Spends the rest of the evening sat with you learning whathe can and can’t get away with

Adjusts his teasing tactics accordingly isn’t he just so considerate

Kokichi Ouma

HELLO HERE COMES OUMA FOR A SURPRISE HUG ATTACK

At least that’s what he thinks is what’s happening whenhe jumps onto your back

He’s surprised to find himself immediately thrown off ofyou onto the floor though, landing ungracefully on his butt

You’re slow to realise what just happened and start tofervently apologise but Ouma gets in before you, his surprise having morphedinto anger

Because what on earth did you do that for?? That reallyhurt! What kind of way is that to treat your boyfriend?!

He’s about to storm off in a huff and you have to grabhis wrist before he leaves, telling him to wait just five seconds and listen toyou

When you explain to him your problem, his anger dissipates

Since you’re fine with expected contact, he still ordersyou to give him an apology hug, which you’re happy to oblige

He complains that he can’t surprise you now, but younotice in future he always announces his intentions before acting on them andhis pranks never involve physical contact anymore

Shuichi Saihara

You’re both just walking down the hallway when youaccidentally trip and fall forwards

You’ve just accepted your fate when a hand grabs your armand pulls you back, saving you

You manage a thank you, but Saihara’s more worried abouthow you literally just jerked out of his grasp and was now clutching your armanxiously

He goes to inspect your arm, concerned that he may havepulled something by grabbing it so suddenly and already considering taking youto the infirmary

When you tell him it’s not that, his inquisitive face isattentive to you the entire time you explain the real reason

He takes it all in surprisingly rationally, his calmdemeanour comforting you

He and you then chat for the next couple of hours aboutit, coming up with subtle signs and gestures to convey when he wants to touchyou so you’ll expect it

I mean he would’ve been fine just letting you know out loud,but you insisted on having cool detective-y hand signals and the dork secretlythought it was cool too

Jots down any and all notes on how to approach physicalcontact with you as he learns in one big list in a notepad and studies itreligiously

Korekiyo Shinguuji

It’s a very one sided conversation the two of you arehaving right now he’s busy gazing into your eyes adoringly because he’s a sapand can’t stop noticing how beautiful you are

He gets a little carried away and raises a hand to cupyour cheek without even realising it

You literally jump out of his hand like how on earth didhe manage to do that without you seeing it coming when you were facing him

The only thing you register on his face is mild surpriseas he asks you if you dislike physical contact before you even manage to start explaining

Promises to give you more warning the next time he goesto do something like that

He doesn’t seem to notice how quiet his movements arethough??

Like there’s more than a few times where contact from himcomes as a complete shock to you and he’s confused because he was sure he’dgiven you warning that time

He just isn’t one for declaring his intentions outrightand you learn to recognise the subtle signs he makes when he goes to touch youas time goes on

While terrible when it comes to himself, he’s constantlyaware of other people around you in future

Like he sees someone go to touch you? Persistent deathstares emanate from him until they think better of it

Gonta Gokuhara

He perks up when you call out his name, rushing over tohim with leaves and twigs all entangled in your hair but looking absolutely exhilarated

You just stumbled upon the most amazing bug nest!! Youhave no idea what the bugs even are he has to come see them

Of course he’ll come see them! His girlfriend’s so eagerto learn about bugs he’s so PROUD~

He pats your head affectionately, attempting to detachsome of the twigs, but you tense at the action

He doesn’t actually notice at first, only stopping whenyou grab his wrist and asking innocently if something’s wrong

Naturally, once you explain he’s a total gentleman aboutit

There’s not even any question or discussion he just putsthe new knowledge straight into action – “Oh, I see! In that case, may youallow me to remove the twigs from your hair?”

This revelation just makes you 3000% more precious to him

Will be super protective of you around others in future

I mean you have no idea how he moved from the garden toblocking you from Ouma’s attack in 0.01 seconds flat but he is your protectornow no objections

Ryoma Hoshi

Okay he’s worked up a lot of courage now he can do thisall he needs to do is hold your hand he’s got this-

okAY NEVERMIND YOU REACTED BADLY TO THAT welp he definitelyknows not to try that again so much for that-

He’s broken out of his inner turmoil when he feels yourhand grasp his again

Now he’s just confused. You’re looking at him veryconcerned wait since when has he been sweating bullets

It’s far too late to play it cool now so you give himsome time to calm himself down before apologising and explaining

Everything’s so clear now, and he feels better knowing itwasn’t him that provoked the bad reaction

Although then he remembers his mess of a self fiveminutes ago and the cringe hits him all at once oh geez why did he act soflustered he’s not used to a relationship

Calms himself down by staring at your hand holding hisintently, allowing a small smile to surface (and in turn, lighting up your ownface you always love to see his smile)

You don’t even need him to give you any warnings infuture the amount of obvious hesitation he displays beforehand is all thewarning you need

He often lets you be the one to initiate contact insteadof him, since this way you’re in control and you’ll always be comfortable

[booksbroadwaybbc]

For anyone who hasn't had a chance to crack open Jordan Peterson's "12 Rules for Life: An Antidote To Chaos" - it's packed with a lot of good, non-political stuff. I've tried to summarize it here. via /r/selfimprovement

For anyone who hasn't had a chance to crack open Jordan Peterson's "12 Rules for Life: An Antidote To Chaos" - it's packed with a lot of good, non-political stuff. I've tried to summarize it here.

This is my transcript to a video summary; please forgive any grammatical errors. I also attempted to share this on r/DecidingToBeBetter but for some reason the mods removed it after it got 100+ upvotes :(.

​

For those of you who haven't heard of Jordan Peterson, he's a psychology professor and clinical psychologist at the University of Toronto.  Regardless of your political or moral beliefs and his controversial public persona, his intent is to make people's lives better, and his materials have made mine better, so I figure why not share the gold. Even if some of these rules might not be relevant to you, I think there's a chance that one or two of them could somehow positively impact you.

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The first rule - stand up straight with your shoulder back.  This comes from his study of lobsters, interestingly enough.  They govern their posture with serotonin.  Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that governs status, posture, and emotional regulation in lobsters - just like it does in humans.  If a lobster loses a fight, you can coerce it to fight again by giving it antidepressants!  If you're on top of the lobster hierarchy then you have high serotonin - you can legitimately mobilize a pinchy, disgruntled bottom lobster upwards into the top of the hierarchy by moderating its levels of serotonin.  Human hierarchies are not socio-cultural constructs - they're deeply rooted in biology.  Where you lie in the hierarchy is monitored at a deeply instinctual and physiological level by neural structures that were formed hundreds of millions of years ago.  And where you lie determines the ratio of positive to negative emotions that you feel.  This is why being put down by someone, especially someone in an authoritative position - is so painful.  It pokes at the deep physiological thermometer that you have, measuring where you're at, and it messes with the neurochemical systems that regulate your emotions.  So you want to present yourself in a way that aligns with our biological indicators of achievement.  Stand up straight, occupy some space, open your arms in a display of vulnerability that nonverbally communicates confidence.  This actually physically regulates your mood in the same way that smiling makes you feel happy - which some people call faking it until you make it but it's not fake at all, it's just using our bodies to exert some degree of control on the inner workings of our minds and our emotions - postural flexion directly impacts emotional regulation - and others are likely to perceive you as trustworthy and to give you the benefit of the doubt.  Part of the universal strategy for success is to confront challenging situations in a vulnerable manner and with confidence and courage.

​

The second rule is to treat yourself like you're someone that you care about.  Jordan talks about the golden rule of "treat others the way you wish to be treated" and how the meaning of that message goes a lot deeper than just the basic virtuous trait of kindness.  You ought to treat others the way you would treat yourself if you were your child.  That means you wouldn't just be smiling and positive and agreeable about everything in an avoidance of all negative emotion - that's pathetic.  You'd want your kid to grow through challenging situations and constructive criticism, you'd tell him when he was wrong.  Jordan explores the reasons why when we get a prescription for our pet, we're religious about its administration and we care for it.  But for ourselves, 30% don't fill prescriptions and 50% that do don't take them properly.  Why don't we care about ourselves?  Jordan says it's because you often decide to dislike people based on something that they did and then based on that tiny slice of awareness of who they are, you embrace this negative feeling towards them.  But you don't just know a tiny slice of yourself - you know everything you did and haven't done that you should have so your self-perception is just super prone to negativity because man, I did that bad thing over there and then this other thing and I could have done this but I didn't.  So it's easy to let go of things that help you and fall into temptation and malevolence because of this existential question of why something as sorry and wretched as you deserves any care?  And the answer is that yeah you're useless and weak and terrible but everyone is and that's what makes us human and the way to correct this underlying, subconscious tendency to let go is through the deliberate and conscious acknowledgement of your need to treat yourself in the same way that you would treat your child.  It's the hidden layer of the Golden Rule - the more important one if you ask me because it unleashes, it unlocks the growth mindset.  And not only would this make your life better individually, but if you don't do this, you could argue that you make the world a worse place.  So we've got the carrots of feeling better and pulling the world up through leading your peers by example and then we've got the sticks of feeling miserable and letting go of the things that are important and dragging everyone else down with us.  It's a moral decision, an obligation to take care of yourself to pull your weight within the competence hierarchy that matters the most - humanity.  You have a light that you need to bring into the world, and if you don't, nobody else will, and the world gets just a little bit dimmer and the deepest parts of your mind will punish you for that by making you feel bad.

​

The third rule is to make friends with people who want the best for you.  Just like you have a moral responsibility to take care of yourself, you have a moral responsibility to surround yourself with people who help your light shine brighter.  Who have the confidence and wisdom to encourage the good things you do and to stop the bad things you do.  And that's the measure of a true friend right there - someone who gives you both positive and negative but healthy feedback.

​

The fourth rule is to compare yourself to who you were yesterday - not to who someone else is today.  He talks about the Pareto principle whereby 20% of your employees do 80% of the work, or that 20% of your customers are responsible for 80% of your sales.  The rule is that the square of the number of people in any given effort are doing half of the work.  This means if you have four people - two people do about half the work.  If you have 10 people, about 3 do half the work.  If you have 100 people - ten do half the work.  If you have 1000 people, 30 of them do half the work.  10K employees - 100 people are doing half the work.  This is a pretty ironclad rule.   And this is related to the Matthew principle - those who have more get more, those who have less get less.  And I can relate this to my physical fitness journey - those who do more can do more, and those who don't do much can do less and less over time.  Your body is like a furnace and you have to start small but gradually increase its fuel and its load - keep giving it progressively more things to eat and to do otherwise it atrophies - and I think this applies to the mind too.  Another manifestation of this rule can be seen in the fact that the 85 most wealthy people in the world have more money than the bottom 2 billion. Which is why inequality can't be blamed on capitalism; it's a natural phenomenon that would manifest in any economic system.  And the point of all this is to say that there are always going to be some people who are better at some things than other people, and that you should be comparing yourself to others to give yourself something to aim towards, but not as a means of measuring your value.  That comparison should be for target setting, not for value measuring.  Value measuring should occur in the comparison between who you are today vs who you were yesterday.  Because in that comparison, you have the authority to set small, achievable goals and compare yourself to someone who's just incrementally, marginally different from you - your yesterday self.  Nietche - he who has a why can bear almost any how.  What purpose would make all of life's suffering worthwhile to you?  And that is a deeply personal thing that you can only decide from introspection, not comparing yourself to others.  You can explore it by comparing yourself to others, but you can only decide it by comparing yourself to yesterday.

​

The fifth rule is do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them.  Carl Jung says that you should pursue that which is meaningful and then you'll encounter that which you least want to encounter - the dark shadow of malevolence that brings the worst qualities out of you.  I don’t know how to interpret this other than maybe - if you attach your identity to something that has meaning to you, all other things become secondary, or even worse, obstacles.    Including the need for compassion or any degree of empathy.  And how in any relationship - if you really want to punish someone, you don't wait until they do something wrong, you wait until they do something right and then you punish them for that because they will decrease the likelihood that they do something good for themselves ever again.  But if you want a healthy relationship, you pay close attention, open your damn eyes, and you look for the good things and you praise them with everything you've got.  Tell them hey, I saw what you did, I know it took some effort and here's why it means a lot to me.  Keep that up.  This mindset applies from friendships to families to the workplace to relationships to any form of social interaction and it's another moral obligation.  I feel like the more you listen to this the more responsibility you have so stop now if you don't want responsibility.  But the takeaway here is that we're all messed up, we all have these shadows to contend with, these dragons within us that make us do nasty things, and when you feel that your mood is becoming unstable and that you're less reasonable, broadcast that so you can clear the room and minimize the risk of hurting others and your relationships with them and then manage your state of emotion back down to earth.  This tendency to become unreasonable isn't an illness most of the time it's a human condition - there's nothing wrong with you if you experience it but it's another obligation of yours to learn how to monitor yourself for it, communicate it, and wrestle it back to submission.  And that's one of the reasons why forming a solid partnership with someone through marriage to raise children is a good call - because it's the closest thing we have to a guarantee that despite our human ups and downs, we're going to stay in it, and we're going to pull through, for us, for our bond, for our children, and for the world at large.   And your job as a parent is to make your child socially desirable by teaching them how to laugh and play and be pleasant and deal with conflict without violence or aggression.  You can be sure that you've been a successful parent if, when your kid is 4, other kids want to play with them.  That doesn't mean that you're an unsuccessful parent if the opposite is the case.  But your job is to discourage behavior that other kids and other adults would dislike, and to encourage behavior that makes people like them.  Teach them manners and humor and playfulness and steer them away from stubbornness and public meltdowns and inconsiderate behavior.  I really, really like this and it applies to adults too.

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The sixth rule is about setting your house in perfect order before you criticize the world.   Life can be painful. There's all kinds of stuff to complain about, but if you dwell on it, you will become bitter and tread down a path that will take you to twisted places as evidenced by the diaries and crimes of the Columbine killers. So instead of cursing the tragedy that is life, it's a better and moral decision to act meaningfully.  Stop doing bad stuff - lying, disrespecting yourself, eating garbage, saying bad things about other people, etc - stop doing the things that you know to be wrong or that make your feel ashamed.  Start doing only those things that you would proudly talk about in public.  I like to interpret this as - live your life as if there's a chance that your kids could read a biography of every one of your days.  A PG version of those days but an honest version.

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The seventh rule is to pursue what is meaningful. Meaning is a defense against the suffering of life.  Again - Nietche - he who has a why can bear almost any how.  Meaning lets you know when you’re doing the right thing in the right place in life, and he says that the right place somewhere between chaos and order. If you stay firmly ensconced within order, things you understand, then you can’t grow. If you stay within chaos, then you’re lost.

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The eighth rule is to tell the truth—or, at least, don't lie. Telling the truth can be hard in the sense that it’s often difficult to know the truth or how to reveal it in a way that minimizes damage. But when we lie, we know we're lying, and telling lies makes you weak. You can feel it, and others can sense it too, even if only subconsciously.  Lying disassociates you with meaning and while you might get away with it for a short while it comes at a price that you'll have to pay eventually.

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Rule 9: Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don't. A good conversation consists of you coming out wiser than you went into it. An example is when you get into an argument with your significant other, you want to win, especially if you get angry. If you’re more verbally fluent than the other person then it's easy for you to win but winning shouldn't be the goal unless you want to be living with a pinchy bottom lobster; it's important to recognize that the other person might see something better than you, but they can’t quite articulate it as well. Always listen to not just the words that people say but the message that they're communicating and the reasons why they're communicating it, because there’s a possibility they’re going to tell you something that will prevent you from running headfirst into a brick wall. This is why Peterson says to listen to people even that you don't like. They might try to hurt you, but they will also say true things about yourself that your friends won’t.  A great tactical tip here is - when you're having a conversation with someone, whenever they're done speaking, summarize what they said back to them to confirm your understanding.  In this way you can condition yourself to become a truly active listener because you'll be talking to people with that sense of 'aw crap I gotta do a book report on this in a minute so I'd better listen up'

​

Rule 10: Be Precise in Your Speech: There is some integral connection between communication and reality. Language takes chaos and makes it into a ‘thing.’ As an example, imagine going through a rough patch in your life where you can’t quite put your finger on what’s wrong. This mysterious thing that’s bothering you—is it real? Yes, if it’s manifesting itself as physical discomfort. Then you talk about it and give it a name, and then this fuzzy, abstract thing turns into a specific thing. Once named, you can now do something about it. Things that you can't name are far more terrifying than the things that you can name.

This is why Peterson is such a free speech advocate. He wants to bring things out of the realm of the unspeakable. Words have a creative power and you don’t want to create more mark and darkness by imprecise or disallowed speech.

I interpret this as not just about the precise outward distribution of ideas through speech but also as a meditation on the importance of accumulating inward awareness.  I'd still be stuck in a cycle of omega-3 deficiency and accumulating financial liabilities and sex addiction and avoidant attachment and toiling away on a hedonistic treadmill if I hadn't picked up some damn books and harvested the language that allows me to think and speak precisely and accurately about the flaws in my choices and behavior.

​

Rule 11: Don’t bother children when they are skateboarding. This is mainly about risk taking and the embracing of responsibility.  We want to positively reinforce the behavior of taking risks because that fundamental deep-seated inclination to do a kickflip dookickey slide down a rail might be stupid as a kid but might also translate to that same kid putting everything on the line for a tech startup that changes the world in a great way, or approaching a girl that he's attracted to and growing immensely from their relationship.  Let people take risks and encourage them to as long as they're not too dangerous.  If you restrict a child's play, you're essentially restricting the human spirit and the ability of those children to shine bright and we need all the light we can get, especially right now as things are shifting more quickly than ever before on a species level.

​

Rule 12: Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street. This chapter is all about the unexpected beauty in life and how  as much as we need to try and emit light from ourselves, it's also important to keep an eye out for light coming from other sometimes unexpected or mysterious places so we can try to amplify it a bit.  When you see a stray cat struggling for life but figuring out how to adapt and how to still roll around in the grass and play with leaves, that's a bit of light right there surrounded by a big bunch of darkness and it's beautiful and you should try to look for that stuff and cultivate it external to your circumstance by maybe petting the cat or just feeling delighted by it, but it's also important to carry this within your own circumstance because no matter how much stress or darkness you're coping with, looking for the beautiful pockets of light might just upgrade the experience from absolute hell to just a manageable tragedy, which, you know, it's worth a shot.

​

Alright that's about it for Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos.  As far as my impressions of the book:  There were a couple of tearjerky moments and a lot of goosebumps and plenty of moments where I just had to step back and think.  I really hate the negative association that "self-help" books get because learning from people like Jordan Peterson is one of the best ways that we have to grow at scale, and there should be nothing but positivity directed towards people who share and consume uplifting, illuminating content like this.  It's just nothing short of enlightening and I've got the rules printed out next to my daily routine here now so I have to look at them every day when I wake up.  Get the book and if you can't afford it just send me a message and I'll get it for you.

Submitted October 02, 2018 at 05:21PM by flatoutfrazzled via reddit https://ift.tt/2OzoqSw

[funkymbtifiction]

What’s been your experience of knowing a person of each Enneagram type?

It’s nothing if not interesting. 😉

1s: can be principled, dutiful, and reliable. Their pet peeve is for people to be rude, irresponsible, inconsiderate, or late. I’ve known an sp 1 and a soc 1. The sp 1 does indeed resemble a 6 due to content fretting, low self esteem, terror of getting it wrong, and general anxiety, but shows 1 behaviors of obsessive cleaning, a desperate need to control everything, and rigidity in setting up “house rules.” In so doing, she has denied herself anything that is not “useful,” which I find terribly sad. She has no room for pleasure in her life. The soc 1 is far more inclined to be assertive, to correct others, to point out what they are doing wrong, and to show her anger. Much less self doubt.

2s: ah, 2s. I’ve known a few marginally and one “sort of” well, since I spent ten days with her on a visit to another state. She truly reminded me of Molly Weasley in her bustling about, her attending to everyone’s numerous needs (and ability to keep us all in line), her pride in doing things for everyone, and her sensitivities. At one point, her daughter told her, “MOM, STOP MOLLY WEASLEY-ING CHARITY! SHE’S FINE. SHE DOESN’T NEED WATER. THANKS.” Ha, ha. I liked her a great deal, but it amused me how defensively she drove – under stress, I saw her 8 come out, though I didn’t know that’s what it was at the time. We all snapped to attention whenever that happened.

3s: I admire their work ethic but… the one I know offline has to find some way to impress people, no matter what. If that is in showing you his muscles and making sure you know how far he biked today, so be it. It used to be because he was proud of his professional life. Since retirement, I have seen him struggle enormously with having a sense of purpose and trying to find one that doesn’t hinge on his non-existent work. That is what worries me about 3s – getting old, and no longer having society regard them as “useful and essential” is HELL on them. Please, make sure, if you are a 3, to do the internal work on figuring out who you are, and recognizing your own worth as separate from what you do, before you reach that age.

4s: I have known a lot of 4s, some healthy and some not. I have two delightful healthy ones in my life right now – an sp/sx 4 and an soc/sp 4, and they are indeed different. The sp 4 is more internal and less aware of or inclined to change herself for others; the soc 4 looks outward, and is highly attentive to other people. Sp 4 can take on others’ pain and burdens in a sense and feel overwhelmed by it – and with both of these beautiful girls, I’ve seen it turn them toward compassion. But they do tend to run high on “drama.” It’s not a song, it’s an opera. I knew an unhealthy 4 once who was hell-bound to remain miserable and a victim wallowing in her pain and thwarted (almost sadistically gleefully) anyone’s attempts to help her rise above her bad situation. She wanted to stay there. And she drove everyone who knew her insane. Eventually, she lost all her friends due to her being the wet mop all the time -- which of course, fed into her sadistic happiness at being miserable, abandoned, and unloved.

5s: can be callous at times, just because they are so lacking in emotional self-awareness and so fixated on logical solutions, but they will give it to you straight if you ask for it. They tend toward severe social awkwardness—think Mr. Darcy at the Netherfield Ball. Most inclined to disappear five minutes after you meet them and remain unseen until you leave. I knew a five once, the father of a friend, who would call out hello to me as he walked right past me, straight down into the basement, where he hid for hours among his books. Given he had a house full of giggling, silly girls, I don’t blame him. He was truly Mr. Bennet.

6s: can be either the warmest, funniest, most loyal people you will ever meet – or the biggest pains in the butt, and I say that as a 6. I know one other sp 6 and he reminds me of myself, just older and male – we both are hilarious, we both tease people to establish a rapport with them, we both crave feedback and support from trusted others, and we both swing between concern and optimism. But unhealthy, paranoid 6s are out in force right now freaking everyone out about the COVID-19 and the world doesn’t need that. It needs HOPE. So for heaven’s sake, put down the freak-outs, the paranoid accusations, the wild conspiracy theories, and accept that your worst-case scenario projections are just that -- the product of your own scared mind. It may or may not happen, and trust me, 6s, I know damn well that your worst fears usually don’t happen anywhere except in your head.

7s: are enormous fun to go on vacation with, but can be flakes. Lovable ones, but still flakes. They promise more than they can deliver and then avoid you rather than face up to the music when they realize they don’t want to do what they promised. They are hilarious, witty, optimistic, and their enthusiasm is infectious, but sometimes they fail to realize that not everyone wants to be endlessly teased, mocked, or come home to a mountain of stuff followed by a maxed-out credit card bill. Life is not always a joke, sometimes it is serious. And they are inclined not to finish a serious conversation if it in any way makes them uncomfortable or feel like they’re about to confront part of themselves.

8s: I have only known one and… there are things I like about her. Her courage. Her ballsy attitude. This woman made a place for herself in a man’s world, in a time when that was not done. She bulldozed her way to the top. Unfortunately, she never shut off the bulldozer. She has burned bridges behind her, made countless enemies, and gets into foolish personal and legal fights because she refuses to back down from anyone, and will turn anything into an argument. She lost my mother as a friend, because she thought bullying her was a good idea. My mother set up polite boundaries and the 8 trampled them, something my mother does not forgive. Something 8s need to remember – what is fun for you (you consider fighting “bonding”) is not always fun for someone else who is not an 8. Being an 8 is an asset, but only if you learn to tell the difference between a threat and a non-threat.

9s: are some of the most precious people on earth, but also the must frustrating for me, because I see them being mercilessly treated by the rest of the world, which tends to walk all over them. I wind up counseling 9 friends who are frustrated at ‘not being heard’ but cannot find it within themselves to assert themselves in any way, or think they deserve to be heard, or know how to recognize what is NOT okay. Being a 9, a peacemaker, someone able to understand everyone’s point of view, is a valuable gift, but you cannot use it for good if you are incapable of believing you deserve good things, too.

Each Enneagram type has a health level. You can find them at the Enneagram Institute. Figure out which level is ‘you’ and start working toward the next one up, through conscious choices. You don’t have to stay this way. Your life is yours to command.1s, you don’t have to be perfect. 2s, you don’t have to please others. 3s, you don’t have to win every time. 4s, you don’t have to stay in a place of self-loathing. 5s, you don’t have to fear trying things. 6s, you don’t have to be afraid all the time. 7s, you don’t have to run away from everything. 8s, you don’t have to turn every discussion into a fight. 9s, you don’t have to give everyone whatever they want. It’s time to take back your life.

- ENFP Mod

PS: Most of these examples come from my extended family, none of whom follow this blog, so if you’re one of my friends (unless you are the 4) -- I’m not talking about you. ;)

[makadelikz]

the girl next door updated 03/02/2017

The Girl Next Door ♥ CHAPTER ONE:

The sound of moving trucks awoke Leon from his sleep. He gazes out the window with a frowned and restless face, and sees two big Uhaul trucks next door at the house that's been abandoned for six months. The last people who lived there just seemingly disappeared and Leon's curiousity grew because he never recalled seeing 'for sale' signs putting the house on the market for any new owners, and why would the previous owners who just up and vanished be moving stuff back into their house when they never took anything with them in the first place? However, his greatest concern at the moment was the loud Uhaul truckers waking him up so early, but he shortly realized he can't exactly be angry when he looked at the time -- 2:30 PM. Leon walks away from the window and hops in the shower, and afterwards sits on his bed, pulls out a black tray and begins to break a nug to roll a blunt. His roommate, and friend, Vince knocked on the door, but barged in anyway, realized he was about to smoke a blunt and joined him. Vince said "Did you see that someone is moving into the mysterious house next door?" Leon responds "Yeah, woke my ass up." Vince condenscendingly, but in a jokingly manner said "That's what you get for living in the attic. You can hear everything outside through these windows. I sleep like a baby in my room." Leon jabs back and said "No, you sleep like a baby after your daily six pack." Leon knew Vince was just being his usual self, with the disdainful remarks, but he ultimately knew that Vince means no harm. Vince is a straight-up guy. If he didn't like you he would tell you, and tell you exactly why he doesn't like you. He's not a fake chit-chat kind of guy. Vince sometimes doens't take the jabs as well as he throws them out though and responded with "Fuck you, I don't get drunk everyday and you know I'm fucking right." Leon responds in a tone as if he's sarcastically agreeing with him just to get him to be quiet about the topic, but Leon did know that he was right about the windows. He then added "But I was the last pick of the batch, it's not like I had much of a choice. It was the attic or the streets." Vince lowers his head and realized that he may've hit a soft spot for Leon, but then proceeds to walk out the room anyway shouting "See you tonight for the race," while running down the attic stairs. The attic was renovated and turned into a bedroom specifically for Leon. So the windows aren't meant to dillute as much sound as one of the bedroom windows considering the attic, like any ordinary attic, is generally used for storage, or not used at all.  Leon was happy to have a place to call home, whether he slept in the attic or in the shed out back. A home isn't really something he's used to having up until now. Now all Leon needs is to get used to opening up to people more. As 5:00 rolls around the other housemates get home from their daily lives of blending into the societal norm only to prep for a night filled with illicit activites. It's mostly their participation in the underground street racing world, that the leader of this house and crew practically invented in this area. His name is Dominic Toretto and he refers to his crew as family. He's very selective about who he trusts and even more so about who he lets in his direct crew. Dominic's right hand man is Vince Scaletta who is the hard-headed, quick-tempered one of the batch. Complete opposite of Dom's calm, level-headed way of thinking, and wise decision making. However, Vince is extremely loyal and trustworthy. He doesn't give much of a damn about anyone or anything at all, but if he does care about you, then you mean the world to him. Vince and Dom have been lifelong friends since the third grade. Way before the corrupt street life played a hand in anything. The most 'innocent' one of the crew is Mia, Dom's sister. She keeps the crew in check. She doesn't exactly participate in the charlatan activites of the crew because she doesn't agree with much of it. However, she is very aware of it all and just turns the other cheek. Her major role of the crew is the front of running the Toretto Cafe. It makes it appear as if all the family income comes fromt the family owned businesses rather than the illegal heists and street races. Then there's Letty Ortiz. She's Dom's girlfriend and they've known each other since junior high. They grew up together, always sneaking out and going to their own little drag races. That was back when they raced just for the fun of it rather than street cred. However, that's where this whole gig began. That just leaves Jesse Green and Leon Morgan, who unlike the rest of the crew, do not have significant amount of history with Dom. They come from different parts of the world and have their own histories. However, Dom saw something in them to give them a chance and he clearly trusts them with his life otherwise they wouldn't be apart of the crew and would've never moved in. Jesse is the smart techie of the crew. He has a history of hacking computers and high-tech security systems, among other things. He turned his hobby into designing mods for street racing cars and he knows his way around an engiene like the back of his hand and that was obviously his guaranteed initiation. However, he has the sweetest personality and honestly wouldn't hurt a fly, which makes him different from the rest of the crew by far. He isn't a very physical person and generally avoids confrontation. Jesse's first run-in with the crew was by accident when he was running into the garage, pleading for help, running from a group of people who basically wanted him dead. Still nobody knows exactly why they were after him. To Jesse's luck, Dom is highly respected in the streets, especially on his turf and they backed down with their tails between their legs. Jesse doesn't appear to be anyone who would be apart of this life, his appearance says cliche stoner kid who plays too much video games but he wasn't running from a group of people who wanted him dead for no reason. Finally that just leaves Leon who just happened to cross paths with Toretto unintentionally. He was making bets on drag races at Race Wars, which is the legal monthly event founded by Toretto. Leon was making bets without knowing that was an actual thing to do there amongst the crowd and the racers, but the thing that makes this event legal is that it bans gambling. So as a result, Leon assumed he was the only one amongst the crowd making bets, but illegal activity is not out of his norm. Dom found out he made a pretty huge bet on him to win so he confronted Leon and asked "Why'd you place so much money down? What made you $800 dollars sure that I was going to win? That's a lot of money to throw down on a ten second race." Leon bluntly responded "Because muscle always beats import." Just that response alone and Dom was interested in getting to know Leon. He found out Leon was homeless and made an income off selling drugs and making bets. Dom took him in immediately but Leon having this enigma and not very open with talking about his past or himself in general he really had to work for Toretto's trust, which he ineviatebly got.

CHAPTER TWO:

After the race, which of course Dom won, the crew heads home to celebrate like they normally do. Leon stayed outside to smoke a blunt by himself, being the introvert that he is. But just as he was about to spark it he noticed a very young and beautiful girl at the mysterious, Uhaul truck, house next door. Leon stares in awe at her beauty and with curiousity as she seems to be alone. Instead of sparking the blunt he sparks up the courage to go talk to her and introduces himself and says "Hey. I'm Leon. I live next door." The girl is a bit startled and hesitates to respond. Perhaps it was because she wasn't expecting to be approached in a new neighborhood, especially at eleven o'clock at night. Leon notices that she was a bit startled and said "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. I just saw you were moving boxes all by yourself and figured I could lend a hand." The girl said "It's okay I'm not frightened. Just wasn't expecting to be spoken to since I don't know anyone here." Then she let out an innocent laugh. She continued and said "My name is Lacey, by the way, and I appreaciate the offer, but I only have a few boxes left and they're quite small and I wouldn't want to waste your time." She pointed to Leon's house with cars piling up outside and said "Besides, they might be looking for you." Leon said "They're not worried about me, and it's no problem. If you ever need anything, don't be afraid to ask; and I literally mean anything... I work on cars, electrical stuff, plumbing stuff. I'm very handy." Lacey says "That's actually really good to know, thank you." She smiles so brightly even in the dark of the night.  Leon almost doesn't want to walk away, he wants to continue talking to her, but he knows he has to go home now. He knows that if he tries to overstay his welcome Lacey might feel off about him. He said "Well, goodnight and welcome to the neighborhood." She said in a soft and gentle voice "Goodnight." When Leon gets back to his house he heads for his room, ignoring the crowd which is not unusual for him to do, but before he could make it to his room Vince stopped him and asked "Where you going twinkle toes?" It was a gay joke implying that's what Leon is for not wanting to party. Leon responds short and blunt and said "To my room." Come on, have one beer. There's all kinds of hot chicks here too. Maybe you'll walk up to your attic with a girl in your arm for once." Leon said "Nah, I'm good. I'm tired." Vince shouts "Come on dude, when's the last time you even got laid?" As Leon continues to walk away he shouts "None of your business, Vince." With Vince knowing he wasn't going to break through Leon tonight he casually retreats back to the party. Leon lays in bed as the faint party sounds surround him. It's not that he's anti-social it's just that the party scenes aren't necessarily his thing. As he tries to ignore the sounds of a large crowd his mind drifts off to Lacey, next door. He doesn't seem to understand why he can't get her off his mind. He's been with tons of girls socially and sexually before, but not one has every stayed on his mind for too long after the encounter. But this girl, he actually had to muster up the courage to just introduce himself. At this point he assumed that it must be the blunt he eventually got to smoking that's affecting his thought process and he decides that he will sleep it off and the thoughts will go away.

CHAPTER THREE:

The next afternoon Leon wakes up peacefully. This time there were no loud Uhaul truckers yelling and making a ton of noise. This time there was no Vince barging in and making himself comfortable. He rolls out of bed and continues to go about his daily routine. As he's driving to clock in at his normal job at Toretto's Garage as a mechanic he involuntarily glances at the house next door as it's nearly impossible to overlook. Every thought about the girl next door had almost slipped his mind until now. Leon found himself thinking about her the whole drive to work. Leon thought about all kinds of things this time -- not just about her smile and looks. This time he wondered what her day-to-day life is like, what she does for a living, and how she lives by herself when she appears to be too young to be a homeowner. Usually girls Lacey's age were renting shitty apartments or living with their parents while they attend college. Leon estimated her age to be around twenty since it was nearly impossible by her looks for her to be any older. Leon still found himself wondering about the mysterious girl next door even when distracted by brake jobs, tune-ups, and annoying, pestering customers who felt the need to stand over Leon's back and watch him work on their cars as if they didn't trust him to do his job correctly. Jesse comes up to Leon on his break and sparked conversation about the hosue next door, how convenient.  He said "Did you realize someone lives in that creepy house next door now?" Leon tries to act like the girl next door hasn't been on his mind at all but he can't think of a response fast enough and just said "I know." Those words still keep him under the radar. Jesse said "I wonder who else lives there with her?" Leon said "I think she's just by herself. She's the only one I've seen." Jesse shot him a bewildered look and said "Well, I guess, but highly unlikely." Now Leon is the one puzzled and asked "How is it highly unlikely?" Jesse responded "How many high schoolers you know own their own house?" Leon was shocked and said "Woah. What do you mean high school? How do you know she's in high school?" Jesse said "Gees, dude, relax, and because she was wearing a uniform and carrying a backpack..." Leon drops the topic and is now actually pretty bummed. He knew she looked pretty young but given the circumstance, the possibility of her being in high school never crossed his mind. As Leon is drivig back home for a low-key night he notices the girl next door sitting on her porch. He tries to ignore her given the new-found information and it worked for the few split seconds he was pulling into the driveway. He was going to walk for the door without saying anything but the girl waved at him and all his compusure seemed to slip through the palm of his hands like sand. He waved back and walked over to her. As he was approaching he smelt something he was all too familiar with-- marijuana. He approached the porch and she asked "Wanna hit?" Leon just shook his head as she passes him the blunt. Lacey looked up to him and said "Well, aren't you gonna sit down? You can't just smoke my weed then leave." Leon didn't react fast so Lacey said "I'm kidding. You can leave if you want." Leon said "Nah, sorry, I was just-- never mind." Then he proceeds to sit next to her and she noticed the mechanic jumpsuit and asked one of those questions that she already knew the answer to, but asked it simply for the purpose of sparking conversation. "You work on cars too?" Leon responded with "Yup. Told you, I'm pretty handy." He looks at Lacey and notices her high school uniform: plaid skirt, white button-up shirt, a tie, and shin-high socks. He asked "So, you're in high school?" Lacey responded in a disappointed tone and said "Yeah. I failed a grade. I was supposed to graduate last year. So now I have to go to this "high-end secondary school" to catch up on credits and graduate. I should be done in one semester." Hearing this made Leon feel so much better but he had to ask for reassurance. "So how old are you?" She responds "I'm eighteen, I'll be nineteen in January." Leon just seemed to shake his head with comfort now as he slightly grins. Lacey asked "How old are you?" Leon said "I'm twenty-one. I'll be twenty-two next month in November." Just as Leon was about to get behind the mystery of the house she was living in and who she may be living with he heard Vince yell for him next door and Lacey said "I guess your crufew's up.'' Leon laughed because he could tell she was just joking but lately he hasn't seemed to take jokes very lightly. However, he said "Talk to you later." He glanced back one more time to see her smile. As he gets back to his yard him and Vince walk up to the house together all whilst Leon stares back at the girl until he couldn't see her anymore upon walking into the house. Vince sits on the couch and said "Could you be anymore fucking pathetic? Also, you need to be careful bro." Leon was confused and said "Careful with what?" Vince said "The girl next door. She's like twelve." Leon looked at him with a pissed off "mind your own business" kind of expression and said "She's eighteen." Vince asked in a smart ass tone "Oh, is that what she told you?" Leon ignored him and Vince said "All I'm saying is that she's wearing a school uniform and it just doesn't look right. Unless you want to register your name and alert the neighborhood with a red dot for the rest of your life, I suggest you fuck some chick that comes to our parties. Like I don't know, try fucking with a girl who doesn't ride the school bus and won't ask you for help on her homework." Leon said "Fuck off. She said said she was eighteen." Vince let out a huge laugh and said "Yeah, I was messing with this one girl for a couple hours once. I met her at a party in Glendale. Just as we were about to fuck she asked if I could give her a ride to school the next day.... She lied to me, but if I would've fucked her my ass would've been the one in trouble. Just be careful man. That's all I'm saying." Leon said "Look bro, it's none of your goddamn business who I talk to, who I fuck, anything. I still have a personal life, just because we're family or whatever the fuck you guys like to call it, doesn't mean every single aspect of my life is your business. I could go next door right now and fuck that girl.. If she was in to it.... Doesn't concern you at all." Vince just gave him a dirty ass look and Leon said "You know what, you probably care so much because you have a guilty conscience. You did fuck that underaged Glendale girl didn't you?" Vince started laughing and said "Absolutely not, but part of me wishes she never told me her real age. Girls like the one next door just get you in trouble bro. Of course she's going to tell you she's eighteen. All I'm saying is don't fuck her unless you know for a fact that she's eighteen." Leon said "Are you telling me to take my time and take her on a date, meet her parents." Vince chuckled and said "Shit, dude, I wasn't even thinking about her parents. You can have fun with that." Leon tried to divert the topic in hopes to get the scoop about her living situation. He asked "Does she even live with her parents? There's never anybody over there. Never a car in the driveway, like nobody." Vince said "I don't know she's the only one I've seen. She's probably got rich parents that are always on a vacation cruise or some shit." Leon said "Hmmm..." Vince said "Maybe she's a international spy, and is spying on us to bust our heists." Vince laughed to himself while walking to the fridge to grab another beer. Leon didn't seem to think it was quite funny, however.

CHAPTER FOUR:

The next night around 3AM, Vince, Leon, and Jesse are still up watching TV in the living room, and kicking back with a few beers, when all of the sudden there was obnoxious banging on the door. Vince impusively grabbed the shotgun next to him whilst Leon simultaneously gripping his .22 pistol. Jesse with his slight innocence, made the impulsive decision to rush to the door to open it, thinking it was one of the crew members who got locked out. Leon said "Are you stupid!?" Vince said "Look out the window first, but don't make it obvious." Jesse looked out the window as discreetly as he could, all whilst the door was still being pounded on. He saw a frantic girl, with torn clothing. He turned back to Vince and Leon and said "I... I think it's the girl next door." Leon losens up his tense grip to the pistol and said "What!?" He rushes to the door and Vince called out "She ain't got no business being up in here, we don't know that girl for shit." Leon ignored him and opened the door anyway as Lacey falls into his arms. She's so distraught she can hardly relieve a full sentence and can't stop shaking. Leon sat her down on the couch trying to calm her down, as he notices her clothes are torn, and have blood stains, and she has a massive cut on her lip with a matching black, partially swollen eye. Vince, attempting to be intimidating (and it worked) sat down with a heavy sigh to insinuate that he's frustrated, on to the coffee table right in front of Lacey as he holds the shotgun over his shoulder. Jesse brought her a bag of frozen vegetables for her lips and eye. Vince made a sarcastic remark and said "Great. Bring the stranger peas. That'll make her feel welcomed." Leon grabs the bag from Jesse's hands still attempting to ignore Vince and slightly put the bag up to Lacey's lips. He asked "What's wrong?" Lacey clinched her teeth and tried to force the tears back and Leon said "We want to help you." Vince interrupted him and said "He wants to help you." Leon shot him this look of impatience and looked back to Lacey and said "I can't help you, if I don't know what happened." Lacey's breathing finally calmed down enough to explain the situation through short gasps of air. She said "It all happened so fast, I don't even know where to begin." Leon said "Begin with the first thing you remember." Lacey said "I was walking home from school around seven, I stayed late to get more work done, and this guy, he jumped me. I don't know what for. He didn't rape me, he didn't take my money, but he knew my name. I've never seen this guy before in my life. I remember him walking away, and that's the last thing I remember. I woke up on the ground hours later, barely remembering anything. I didn't even remember where I was at the time." The tears came rushing back. Leon looked startled because he was unaware of how to help in this situation. However, all he could think about was finding this guy and hurting him way worse than he's hurt Lacey. Leon didn't know why he felt so deeply for this girl, but when he looked at her all beaten up he felt enraged. Vince said "You know you live next door, right? Why'd you come here?" Jesse said "That's a little rude." Leon said "Fuck off, Vince." Lacey said "Because I live alone, and I don't want to be alone." Her voice cracked and a tear streamed down her face. There was a short moment of silence and Leon asked "I hate to steer away from the subject but, how does a high school girl live alone in a house?" She said "I never met my father, my mother is a junkie prostitue-- well, was. It's my uncle's house. After my mom went to prison, I came here. I've contacted my uncle, but he hasn't responded." Jesse said "Wait. You've been living in that house alone, the entire time, not knowing where your uncle is?" Lacey shook her head, yes, and she added "I have no where else to go, and my uncle said if I ever needed a place to stay, I could go to the house whenever I wanted. It's not his main house, he owns a lot of properties, from Florida, to here, and even in Hawaii. I just don't where he is." Vince said "Not that I care too much, I'm just curious, but who the hell is your uncle? He sounds pretty important to have that much money." Lacey just responded with "He's important, but not well-known. There's a reason for that." Vince kneeled to be eye-to-eye with Lacey and said "Well princess, don't you think that just maybe, these two scenarios play hand-in-hand?" Lacey said "There's no way they'd know who I am." Leon said "I hate to agree with Vince, but I'm gonna have to agree with Vince on this one." Jesse asked "What does your uncle do, exactly? It obviously can't be legal." Vince gave Jesse a little slap against the back of his head and said "No shit, sherlock." Lacey responded very bluntly and said "He's a mafian drug lord." Leon looked surprised. Vince's expression didn't change much, but on the inside he was intrigued. Jesse was shocked, he's never been this close to a real-life drug lord mobster, even though it was just the niece of one-- a nameless one at that. Lacey said "I'm sorry for coming here. I just didn't want to be alone." Leon said "Nah, don't worry about it. Remember, I told you if you ever needed anything you can come to me? Well, this constitutes as anything, and I'm glad you came to me." Vince was signaling an innapropiate hand gesture implying that Leon is a jerk-off. Lacey notices but doesn't say anything. She said back to Leon "I just... Don't really like talking to the police." Vince said "No shit, we don't either." Lacey was a little taken back by Vince saying that, and it made her realize that she wasn't quite sure about who these people are and whether or not she could actually trust them. She feels very content with Leon, but unsure about the rest. Espeicially Vince. Words seem to roll off her tongue when talking to Leon and she's now unsure as to why she even said those things about her uncle. She's realizing now that she's probably made a huge mistake. She's hoping that they maybe won't believe her simply because of how bluntly she said it. No one just straight up discloses information like that without any hesitation. Leon gripped Lacey's shoulder in a reassuring comforting squeeze and said "You can stay here tonight if you want." Before Lacey could shake her head Vince said "Yeah, and now Leon can finally hug something in his bed besides his cock-shaped pillow." Lacey turned to Leon with bewilderment and asked "You have a--" and was cut off by Leon saying "No, I do not have a cock shaped pillow." Then he rolled his eyes and gave an aggressive look to Vince who is now hysterically laughing and Vince said "She actually believed it. This is hilarious." Lacey looked down to her feet starting to feel a little uneasy about being inside their house and she decided to go back to the original topic about possibly staying here tonight and said "You know, if I'm just going to be a burden or be in the way, I guess I can just go home. I'm sure I'll be fine." Leon said "No! I mean... You can stay, you're not a burden. Don't let Vince get to you. He's just naturally an asshole, he wasn't loved much as a child." Vince started condenscendingly laughing and said "He's right," then looked over to Leon and said "You know, you weren't either mommy issues." Leon said "If you wanna take a shower or something I can get you some clothes... And a towel and whatnot." Lacey said "Sure. Thanks." Vince said "The girl's supposed to wear your clothes after you fuck her."  Leon finally snapped and shoved Vince to the wall and tiny Jesse jumped into the middle of it as if he was actually going to keep them off of each other, but Leon backed down simply for the sake of maturity. Before Leon walked away he said "Go fuck yourself, Vince. I don't know what your deal is, but quit taking it out on me, and Lacey, and everybody else. We get it man, you have issues, so work on them, the world owes you nothing. Being a condenscending asshole isn't going to help anybody, and certainly not yourself." Vince said "I think you got it twisted. You're the one shoving me against walls because you can't take jokes simply because they're targeted at your jail bait girlfriend." Lacey pitched in and said "I'm eighteen, and he's not my boyfriend." Vince said "Whatever, princess." Vince continued to Leon and said "I just don't like outsiders." Leon said "Have you forgotten that I was an outsider once? Jesse too?" Vince didn't respond and Leon just walks away. Jesse attempting to be the peace maker walked over and sat down with Lacey and said "You know, my dad's in prison too. I know what it's like to have a parent on the inside." Lacey said "It seems like you actually liked your father though, it might be a lot harder on you than it is for me." Jesse said "Yeah, I guess." Lacey asked "What's your dad in for?" Jesse said "Assault, drugs, racing, some other shit. He's got a lot of priors so they gave him a pretty hefty sentence this time." Lacey said "I'm sorry." Jesse said "It's cool, don't worry about it." Leon comes back into the room interrupting the conversation and said "I got the shower running for you now." Lacey gets up and walks with Leon upstairs while Vince rolls his eyes at the sight. Jesse turns to Vince and said "What's your deal against her?" Vince said "I have nothing against her personally. I just don't like outsiders, and there's something shady about her." Jesse said "You think there's something shady about everyone. You thought that about me too when I came along. Why don't you give her a chance? Besides, it's not like she knows anything about us. She's already told us more about her than she knows about us." Vince said "Yeah, and that makes her dumb. That means she has a big mouth, and clearly can't keep a secret. Meaning we can't trust her." Jesse said "No, it just makes her young, I made dumb mistakes like that too when I came around, remember?" Vince said "Yeah, whatever, I guess." Meanwhile, upstairs Leon is in the bathroom with Lacey and handing her clothes to put on. He handed her a plain t-shirt and some boxers, and as he was handing them to her he said "I promise, they're clean." Lacey chuckled a little bit and said "Thank you." Leon then grabbed a clean towel out of the cabinet in the bathroom and said "I'll be waiting in the kitchen for when you're done. Um, you can sleep on the couch up in my room if you'd like." Lacey just shook her head and Leon said "Alright... Well, I'll let you get to it." As Leon walks back downstiars he sees Mia, Letty, and Dom talking to Jesse and Vince, and he's assuming by the way they all looked at him as he entered the room, that they were already aware that Lacey was here. Dom said "Do you trust this girl?" Leon said "I mean.." Dom said "I'll take that as a no." Leon said "Relax, I haven't told her anything. She came to us because she was in trouble. She trusts us." Jesse said "I think she just trusts you." Vince said "Yeah, she hates me." Leon said "Gee Vince, I wonder why. You weren't exactly approachable." Vince looked over at Dom and said "Tell him she's got no business being up in here. We don't know her." Dom jokingly said "There was a time where I didn't know you." Vince said "That was in the third grade!" Dom chuckled and said "Well, Leon it's your call." Leon asked "Why does it have to be my call? And my call for what?" Dom said "Because you seem to be the only one in the house who really knows her, at least better than the rest of us, and it's your call if you think she can spend the night." Leon said "I trust her enough to sleep on my couch, yeah." Dom looked back over at Vince and said "It's settled. Why are you worried about a little girl anyway?" Jesse said "Hold up, she's eighteen, she's two years younger than me. Does that make me a little boy?" Dom said "Now, Jesse, we actually like you. But yeah." Dom and Vince started chuckling while Jesse flicks them off. A few moments later Lacey comes back downstairs, expecting to go straight to the kitchen and avoiding Jesse and Vince and is surprised to find the whole crew downstairs now awkwardly staring at her. Lacey doesn't say a word and looks very anxious. Dom said "Welcome. Make yourself at home." Leon walked up the steps and met her and lead her to the attic. Lacey looked around Leon's attic bedroom and asked "Why are you all the way up here?" Leon said "There's no rats, I promise. The room's been renovated." Lacey said "That wasn't my question." Leon just sighs and looks at her and said "I know. I just like... The privacy I guess." Lacey says "I don't blame you. Do you all live here?" Leon said "Yup. All six of us." Lacey asked "How?" Leon said "Well the house was a three bedroom, and Letty and Dom share a room, so that eliminates one person who needs a room. Mia has her own room. Vince has his, and mine and Jesse's rooms were add-ons. They turned an office room downstairs into Jesse's room." Lacey said "That's pretty cool. You're all like one big family." Leon kind of smirked and said "Yeah, I guess so." He handed her a pillow and blanket then grabbed a sheet and wrapped it around the couch and said "Well, here you go." Lacey just smiles at him and said "Goodnight." Leon smiles back and goes into his bathroom to change, came back out and laid down. As he laid down he thought a lot about Lacey. About how the girl next door is now only a few feet away. He can't seem to fall asleep so easily tonight. All he wants to do is hold her, but he knows that if he ever wants something like that from her, he's going to have to work his way very slowly. He really likes this girl, there was just something about her that made him look at her differently than all the other girls he's ever seen. Now knowing a little about her past he seems to find her even more intriguing. What she has revealed is enough to scare any normal person away, but Leon isn't normal, and he doesn't like rudimentary things or people. He has to gain trust in her though, that seems to be the only problem at the moment. Leon just hopes that when and if he begins to trust Lacey, his crew does too. Maybe she can even join the crew.

CHAPTER FIVE:

Leon finally wakes up, and looks over to the couch to find Lacey already sitting up staring out the window towards the street. Leon said in a graspy early morning voice "How long have you been up?" Lacey said "Since 6AM. I could barely sleep." Leon said "I'm sorry. It wasn't the couch, was it?" Lacey smrked and said "No, your couch is very comfy." Leon said in a questioning tone "Then it must be because you were scared?" Lacey just shook her head 'yes.' Leon said "Listen, I know Vince pretty much gave you a hard time, but if it ever came down to it, even he would protect you. In this house, you're safe." Something about that made Lacey feel uneasy and overwhelmed. Her own family hardly cares about her, so having a group of strangers care this much, is certainly immense and she didn't want to be subjected into a situation where she's in debt to them, and owes them one back. She liked Leon, but the harder she thought, she realized, she doesn't really know anything about him at all, and he can't be trusted to deeply. However, something about him was compelling. She had this vibe from him. A protecting kind of vibe. She truly did feel safe with him, and she didn't understand why that came so easily. It usually takes Lacey months, sometimes even years to trust someone. She can talk to someone for years, hang out with them, and still not fully trust them, so that was also overwhelming her.

[makadelikz]

the girl next door updated 1/6/2017

The Girl Next Door ♥ CHAPTER ONE:

The sound of moving trucks awoke Leon from his sleep. He gazes out the window with a frowned and restless face, and sees two big Uhaul trucks next door at the house that's been abandoned for six months. The last people who lived there just seemingly disappeared and Leon's curiousity grew because he never recalled seeing 'for sale' signs putting the house on the market for any new owners, and why would the previous owners who just up and vanished be moving stuff back into their house when they never took anything with them in the first place? However, his greatest concern at the moment was the loud Uhaul truckers waking him up so early, but he shortly realized he can't exactly be angry when he looked at the time -- 2:30 PM. Leon walks away from the window and hops in the shower, and afterwards sits on his bed, pulls out a black tray and begins to break a nug to roll a blunt. His roommate, and friend, Vince knocked on the door, but barged in anyway, realized he was about to smoke a blunt and joined him. Vince said "Did you see that someone is moving into the mysterious house next door?" Leon responds "Yeah, woke my ass up." Vince condenscendingly, but in a jokingly manner said "That's what you get for living in the attic. You can hear everything outside through these windows. I sleep like a baby in my room." Leon jabs back and said "No, you sleep like a baby after your daily six pack." Leon knew Vince was just being his usual self, with the disdainful remarks, but he ultimately knew that Vince means no harm. Vince is a straight-up guy. If he didn't like you he would tell you, and tell you exactly why he doesn't like you. He's not a fake chit-chat kind of guy. Vince sometimes doens't take the jabs as well as he throws them out though and responded with "Fuck you, I don't get drunk everyday and you know I'm fucking right." Leon responds in a tone as if he's sarcastically agreeing with him just to get him to be quiet about the topic, but Leon did know that he was right about the windows. He then added "But I was the last pick of the batch, it's not like I had much of a choice. It was the attic or the streets." Vince lowers his head and realized that he may've hit a soft spot for Leon, but then proceeds to walk out the room anyway shouting "See you tonight for the race," while running down the attic stairs. The attic was renovated and turned into a bedroom specifically for Leon. So the windows aren't meant to dillute as much sound as one of the bedroom windows considering the attic, like any ordinary attic, is generally used for storage, or not used at all.  Leon was happy to have a place to call home, whether he slept in the attic or in the shed out back. A home isn't really something he's used to having up until now. Now all Leon needs is to get used to opening up to people more. As 5:00 rolls around the other housemates get home from their daily lives of blending into the societal norm only to prep for a night filled with illicit activites. It's mostly their participation in the underground street racing world, that the leader of this house and crew practically invented in this area. His name is Dominic Toretto and he refers to his crew as family. He's very selective about who he trusts and even more so about who he lets in his direct crew. Dominic's right hand man is Vince Scaletta who is the hard-headed, quick-tempered one of the batch. Complete opposite of Dom's calm, level-headed way of thinking, and wise decision making. However, Vince is extremely loyal and trustworthy. He doesn't give much of a damn about anyone or anything at all, but if he does care about you, then you mean the world to him. Vince and Dom have been lifelong friends since the third grade. Way before the corrupt street life played a hand in anything. The most 'innocent' one of the crew is Mia, Dom's sister. She keeps the crew in check. She doesn't exactly participate in the charlatan activites of the crew because she doesn't agree with much of it. However, she is very aware of it all and just turns the other cheek. Her major role of the crew is the front of running the Toretto Cafe. It makes it appear as if all the family income comes fromt the family owned businesses rather than the illegal heists and street races. Then there's Letty Ortiz. She's Dom's girlfriend and they've known each other since junior high. They grew up together, always sneaking out and going to their own little drag races. That was back when they raced just for the fun of it rather than street cred. However, that's where this whole gig began. That just leaves Jesse Green and Leon Morgan, who unlike the rest of the crew, do not have significant amount of history with Dom. They come from different parts of the world and have their own histories. However, Dom saw something in them to give them a chance and he clearly trusts them with his life otherwise they wouldn't be apart of the crew and would've never moved in. Jesse is the smart techie of the crew. He has a history of hacking computers and high-tech security systems, among other things. He turned his hobby into designing mods for street racing cars and he knows his way around an engiene like the back of his hand and that was obviously his guaranteed initiation. However, he has the sweetest personality and honestly wouldn't hurt a fly, which makes him different from the rest of the crew by far. He isn't a very physical person and generally avoids confrontation. Jesse's first run-in with the crew was by accident when he was running into the garage, pleading for help, running from a group of people who basically wanted him dead. Still nobody knows exactly why they were after him. To Jesse's luck, Dom is highly respected in the streets, especially on his turf and they backed down with their tails between their legs. Jesse doesn't appear to be anyone who would be apart of this life, his appearance says cliche stoner kid who plays too much video games but he wasn't running from a group of people who wanted him dead for no reason. Finally that just leaves Leon who just happened to cross paths with Toretto unintentionally. He was making bets on drag races at Race Wars, which is the legal monthly event founded by Toretto. Leon was making bets without knowing that was an actual thing to do there amongst the crowd and the racers, but the thing that makes this event legal is that it bans gambling. So as a result, Leon assumed he was the only one amongst the crowd making bets, but illegal activity is not out of his norm. Dom found out he made a pretty huge bet on him to win so he confronted Leon and asked "Why'd you place so much money down? What made you $800 dollars sure that I was going to win? That's a lot of money to throw down on a ten second race." Leon bluntly responded "Because muscle always beats import." Just that response alone and Dom was interested in getting to know Leon. He found out Leon was homeless and made an income off selling drugs and making bets. Dom took him in immediately but Leon having this enigma and not very open with talking about his past or himself in general he really had to work for Toretto's trust, which he ineviatebly got.

CHAPTER TWO:

After the race, which of course Dom won, the crew heads home to celebrate like they normally do. Leon stayed outside to smoke a blunt by himself. But just as he was about to spark it he noticed a very young and beautiful girl at the mysterious, Uhaul truck, house next door. Leon stares in awe at her beauty and with curiousity as she seems to be alone. Instead of sparking the blunt he sparks up the courage to go talk to her and introduces himself and says "Hey. I'm Leon. I live next door." The girl is a bit startled and hesitates to respond. Perhaps it was because she wasn't expecting to be approached in a new neighborhood, especially at eleven o'clock at night. Leon notices that she was a bit startled and said "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. I just saw you were moving boxes all by yourself and figured I could lend a hand." The girl said "It's okay I'm not frightened. Just wasn't expecting to be spoken too since I don't know anyone here." Then she let out an innocent laugh. She continued and said "My name is Lacey, by the way, and I appreaciate the offer, but I only have a few boxes left and they're quite small and I wouldn't want to waste your time." She pointed to Leon's house with cars piling up outside and said "Besides, they might be looking for you." Leon said "They're not worried about me, and it's no problem. If you ever need anything, don't be afraid to ask; and I literally mean anything... I work on cars, electrical stuff, plumbing stuff. I'm very handy." Lacey says "That's actually really good to know, thank you." She smiles so brightly even in the dark of night.  Leon almost doesn't want to walk away, he wants to continue talking to her, but he knows he has to go home now. He knows that if he tries to overstay his welcome Lacey might feel off about him. He said "Well, goodnight and welcome to the neighborhood." She said in a soft and gentle voice "Goodnight." When Leon gets back to his house he heads for his room, ignoring the crowd which is not unusual for him to do, but before he could make it to his room Vince stopped him and asked "Where you going twinkle toes?" It was a gay joke implying that's what Leon is for not wanting to party. Leon responds short and blunt and said "To my room."Come on, have one beer. There's all kinds of hot chicks here too. Maybe you'll walk up to your attic with a girl in your arm for once." Leon said "Nah, I'm good. I'm tired." Vince shouts "Come on dude, when's the last time you even got laid?" As Leon continues to walk away he shouts "None of your business, Vince." With Vince knowing he wasn't going to break through Leon tonight he casually retreats back to the party. Leon lays in bed as the faint party sounds surround him. It's not that he's anti-social it's just that the party scenes aren't necessarily his thing. As he tries to ignore the sounds of a large crowd his mind drifts off to Lacey, next door. He doesn't seem to understand why he can't get her off his mind. He's been with tons of girls socially and sexually before, but not one has every stayed on his mind for too long after the encounter. But this girl, he actually had to muster up the courage to just introduce himself. At this point he assumed that it must be the blunt he eventually got to smoking that's affecting his thought process and he decides that he will sleep it off and the thoughts will go away.

CHAPTER THREE:

The next afternoon Leon wakes up peacefully. This time there were no loud Uhaul truckers yelling and making a ton of noise. This time there was no Vince barging in and making himself comfortable. He rolls out of bed and continues to go about his daily routine. As he's driving to clock in at his normal job at Torretto's Garage as a mechanic he involuntarily glances at the house next door as it's nearly impossible to overlook. Every thought about the girl next door had almost slipped his mind until now. Leon found himself thinking about her the whole drive to work. Leon thought about all kinds of things this time -- not just about her smile and looks. This time he wondered what her day-to-day life is like, what she does for a living, and how she lives by herself when she appears to be too young to be a homeowner. Usually girls Lacey's age were renting shitty apartments or living with their parents while they attend college. Leon estimated her age to be around twenty since it was nearly impossible by her looks for her to be any older. Leon still found himself wondering about the mysterious girl next door even when distracted by brake jobs, tune-ups, and annoying, pestering customers who felt the need to stand over Leon's back and watch him work on their cars as if they didn't trust him to do his job correctly. Jesse comes up to Leon on his break and sparked conversation about the hosue next door, how convenient.  He said "Did you realize someone lives in that creepy house next door now?" Leon tries to act like the girl next door hasn't been on his mind at all but he can't think of a response fast enough and just said "I know." Those words still keep him under the radar. Jesse said "I wonder who else lives there with her?" Leon said "I think she's just by herself. She's the only one I've seen." Jesse shot him a bewildered look and said "Well, I guess, but highly unlikely." Now Leon is the one puzzled and asked "How is it highly unlikely?" Jesse responded "How many high schoolers you know own their own house?" Leon was shocked and said "Woah. What do you mean high school? How do you know she's in high school?" Jesse said "Gees, dude, relax, and because she was wearing a uniform and carrying a backpack..." Leon drops the topic and is now actually pretty bummed. He knew she looked pretty young but given the circumstance, the possibility of her being in high school never crossed his mind. As Leon is drivig back home for a low-key night he notices the girl next door sitting on her porch. He tries to ignore her given the new-found information and it worked for the few split seconds he was pulling into the driveway. He was going to walk for the door without saying anything but the girl waved at him and all his compusure seemed to slip through the palm of his hands like sand. He waved back and walked over to her. As he was approaching he smelt something he was all too familiar with-- marijuana. He approached the porch and she asked "Wanna hit?" Leon just shook his head as she passes him the blunt. Lacey looked up to him and said "Well, aren't you gonna sit down? You can't just smoke my weed then leave." Leon didn't react fast so Lacey said "I'm kidding. You can leave if you want." Leon said "Nah, sorry, I was just-- never mind." Then he proceeds to sit next to her and she noticed the mechanic jumpsuit and asked one of those questions that she already knew the answer too, but asked it simply for the purpose of sparking conversation. "You work on cars too?" Leon responded with "Yup. Told you, I'm pretty handy." He looks at Lacey and notices her high school uniform: plaid skirt, white button-up shirt, and a tie. He asked "So, you're in high school?" Lacey responded in a disappointed tone and said "Yeah. I failed a grade. I was supposed to graduate last year. So now I have to go to this "high-end secondary school" to catch up on credits and graduate. I should be done in one semester." Hearing this made Leon feel so much better but he had to ask for reassurance. "So how old are you?" She responds "I'm eighteen, I'll be nineteen in January." Leon just seemed to shake his head with comfort now as he slightly grins. Lacey asked "How old are you?" Leon said "I'm twenty-one. I'll be twenty-two next month in November." Just as Leon was about to get behind the mystery of the house she was living in and who she may be living with he heard Vince yell for him next door and Lacey said "I guess your crufew's up.'' Leon laughed because he could tell she was just joking but lately he hasn't seemed to take jokes very lightly. However, he said "Talk to you later." He glanced back one more time to see her smile. As he gets back to his yard him and Vince walk up to the house together all whilst Leon stares back at the girl until he couldn't see her anymore upon walking into the house. Vince sits on the couch and said "Could you be anymore fucking pathetic? Also, you need to be careful bro." Leon was confused and said "Careful with what?" Vince said "The girl next door. She's like twelve." Leon looked at him with a pissed off "mind your own business" kind of expression and said "She's eighteen." Vince asked in a smart ass tone "Oh, is that what she told you?" Leon ignored him and Vince said "All I'm saying is that she's wearing a school uniform and it just doesn't look right. Unless you want to register your name and alert the neighborhood with a red dot for the rest of your life, I suggest you fuck some chick that comes to our parties. Like I don't know, try fucking with a girl you doesn't ride the school bus and won't ask you for help on her homework." Leon said "Fuck off. She said said she was eighteen." Vince let out a huge laugh and said "Yeah, I was messing with this one girl for a couple hours once. I met her at a party in Glendale. Just as we were about to fuck she asked if I could give her a ride to school the next day.... She lied to me, but if I would've fucked her my ass would've been the one in trouble. Just be careful man. That's all I'm saying." Leon said "Look bro, it's none of your goddamn business who I talk to, who I fuck, anything. I still have a personal life, just because we're family or whatever the fuck you guys like to call it, doesn't mean every single aspect of my life is your business. I could next door right now and fuck that girl.. If she was in to it.... Doesn't concern you at all." Vince just gave him a dirty ass look and Leon said "You know what, you probably care so much because you have a guilty conscience. You did fuck that underaged Glendale girl didn't you." Vince started laughing and said "Absolutely not, but part of me wishes she never told me her real age. Girls like the one next door just get you in trouble bro. Of course she's going to tell you she's eighteen. All I'm saying is don't fuck her unless you know for a fact that she's eighteen." Leon said "Are you telling me to take my time and take her on a date, meet her parents." Vince chuckled and said "Shit, dude, I wasn't even thinking about her parents. You can have fun with that." Leon tried to divert the topic in hopes to get the scoop about her living situation. He asked "Does she even live with her parents? There's never anybody over there. Never a car in the driveway, like nobody." Vince said "I don't know she's the only one I've seen." Leon said "Hmmm..." Vince said "Maybe she's a international spy, and is spying on us to bust our heists." Vine laughed to himself while walking to the fridge to grab another beer. Leon didn't seem to think it was quite funny, however.

CHAPTER FOUR: