#until he becomes a bass player for his band the only thing he really has for himself *is* Fyodor. and until he reinvents himself:

[metacove]

"Gusev" is probably the only unique thing attributed to Dmitriy. He lives his life through his imaginary twin, Fyodor, who carries all of his dreams and ambitions, and has all his friends, while Dmitriy carries on the legacy and wishes of a father that seemingly never cared for him. The only thing he has of his own is his nickname, Gusev, and nobody knows what it means or how it came to be.

[poppitron360]

Wait. I wanna hear you Will Solace headcanons

Okay so be prepared for these to be wildly inaccurate because all I know about this guy is from fannon. Most of this is also me projecting.

1. Bass player. Yes that is 100% biased, as I am also a bass player (and I hc myself as a legacy of Apollo). No I have no basis on this claim other than Basses Are Just Cooler Than Guitars.

2. OR he’s the guitarist, Nico is the Bassist.

3. If there is a piano in the house, he WILL play it. For hours. Gods forbid you take him anywhere with a public piano.

4. Hates learning Music Theory, learns by ear and by feel. As an Apollo kid, he can instantly read both tab and sheet music, but uses neither.

5. Also has perfect pitch (can name any chord just by hearing it).

6. He’s a Star Wars fan, right? Can talk for hours about John William’s use of Lydian Mode in the score to convey a sense of majesty, and don’t get him started on the expert use of Vagnarian methods of leitmotif-

7. Okay, so maybe he knows a little music theory.

8. Writes terrible poetry that’s low-key kinda good.

9. Founder of the chb LGBTQ+ club.

10. Bisexual flags everywhere. He always at least one pink, purple, and blue pen on hand, doodles exclusively in those colours. His doctors notes are colour-coded pink, purple, blue.

11. BIG supporter of Trans rights- is qualified to help with Gender Affirming Healthcare for anyone at Camp.

12. Apollo is also god of prophecies. Will has the power of foresight ONLY for TV show/Film/Book endings. He is able to predict how a character would die with incredible accuracy after one episode. Morbid as fuck, so naturally Nico thinks it’s the hottest thing ever.

13. SWIFTIE!!!!!

14. Friendship bracelets. VERY swiftie-coded, he has a million of them on both arms, cutting off his circulation.

15. Paints Nico’s nails. Nico insists on all black, but gave in and let Will paint ONE nail fun colours, bedazzled with charms and shit. As long as it’s the middle finger.

Now, specifically my Will x Leo (Platonic) headcannons:

16. Will and Leo become very close at camp simply because Leo has absolutely zero sense of self-preservation. Like that kid does not value his life in any way at all, and so always ends up doing the most reckless shit ever, and, naturally, ends up spending a lot of time in the infirmary, usually only after being dragged there by Jason (“What’s the big deal? It’s just a broken arm. I’m ambidextrous! Besides, I’ve survived worse.”)

17. Will loves him because he’s never there longer than he has to be.

18. Except sometimes he does have to force Leo back into bed while Leo’s yelling loudly about how he needs to get back to his work, the Argo II won’t build itself, and to let go of him or he’ll burn you.

19. Will makes him wear enchanted plasters (band aids) that he can’t take off without doctor’s permission, to stop him absent-mindedly picking at old scabs and bits of skin. He also keeps fidget toys and stress balls to give to his patients. Leo has stolen ALL of them.

20. Like seriously, it is a problem. Leo has had to make them a whole bunch more fidgets because he’s taken and then overworked them until they all broke.

21. Both their southern accents come out more when they talk to each other. If a conversation goes on too long, they evolve into using so much fast-paced Texan slang that no-one else can understand them- it’s practically its own language.

22. BOTH SWIFTIES!!!!!

23. Leo helps out in the infirmary a lot- he’s useful if you need to sterilise equipment or cauterise any wounds.

24. It works sort of like an exchange of favours, where Leo also calls on Will anytime he needs a human flashlight to work on a project.

25. Leo has a lot of scars from his rough childhood. Will is one of the few people (aside from Jason) who’s actually seen them all. They never talk about it, and, as his doctor, he’s sworn to secrecy, but some of them are really disturbing. It will never not shock him that demigods can get hurt by things in the mortal world.

26. Leo makes sure Will uses accurate engineering jargon when writing Star Wars fanfiction.

27. Aside from Leo, Nico is the only one who reads his fanfiction

[greywindys]

gorillaz whatever-this-phase-is good ending: the band is reprimanded for enabling the mental disintegration of their senior citizen bass player

(i mean, when a severally mentally ill 56 year old is starting to talk "cults" and is dressing up in robes, that's at least when you take them to a home, right?)

(on a serious note, idk why this phase is just off putting to me. i know im overthinking it, but murdoc really just seems out of his mind this phase. and it makes me uncomfortable that there's never been a band member to even SLIGHTLY care about that. or call it out in a way that doesn't make them seem "annoyed" about it. seeing this character go through so many breakdowns that are supposed to be "funny" is just unenjoyable, plain and simple. maybe it's my inability to forget about past phases, but if you add it all up, it really seems like murdoc finally snapped.)

Oh snap!! You went there! Oh shit!

Jk, but also not since Murdoc haters/non-fans will never go away. I like that you brought this up, and I think you make a lot of good and valid points. It would be such a plot twist if they went there, but they would never take that much of a risk. The band would never be legally reprimanded since Murdoc is an adult and has the right to self-determination, but it is kinda dumb of them to just play along with his delusions. Like, I’ll just say it - the entire storyline this album makes them look really, really, idiotic. It's not something I would do, personally.

I lol'd at "take them to a home." But yeah, if we were going to play this out realistically, assuming Murdoc is in treatment, the first step would be a medication adjustment since he seems to be becoming more symptomatic. If that doesn't work, he might try and intensive outpatient type of treatment. If it gets to a point where he appears to be a risk to himself or others, then he may need to be hospitalized until he can get stable on medication again. If he's really deteriorated, then he may need a long-term hospitalization, but Gorillaz will never get this serious.

Tbh, I've almost gotten to a point where I'll think about potential story directions, but only for my own ideas, never to seriously try to ~predict canon plot points because Gorillaz, as it exists now, is not about story anymore. Your third paragraph reminds why I sometimes wish it was, even if it would be executed poorly. They're going for silly and fun, but if you think about it for more than two seconds, it's not really that funny at all, and the humor isn’t smart or satirical. I've complained about Murdoc "winning" all the time, and I still think that's an issue, but you're absolutely right about how they regularly skim over, minimize or make fun of what he goes through. Yes, you can say “he’s just a cartoon character,” but I personally, can’t accept that when I know there are a lot of people out there who have struggled the same way he has, and relate to him. And there is, afaik, no greater social commentary or lesson that comes from this. The point is just to make fun of Murdoc because he sucks. He does suck, but if you want to address his suckiness, address it directly, don't get to a point where the message is "he's done these bad things wrong, therefore he deserves all these other unrelated bad things." If Gorillaz placed more value on story and character arcs, this might be addressed, but alas...it's unlikely at this point.

[ledenews]

Roger Hoard: Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda, Whatever! ... The Man Makes Marvelous Music

Although footage has yet to be discovered, it is very, very likely Roger Hoard once danced like Elvis Presley. That’s right. THE Roger Hoard dancing like THE Elvis Presley. Trying to picture it, right? Little Roger, a foot away from the screen back in the black-and-white TV days, and shaking it like the King of Rock n’ Roll. And, oh, what a sign of things to come. Hoard has spent his life playing and teaching music right here in the Upper Ohio Valley, and for a proper description of the man's talents, his impact on the industry, and his contributions to the live and local scene in the Wheeling area, one need only to enlist the assistance of Hoard's friend, local performer Robert Gaudio. "This monster musician whose uncanny musical versatility is unbounded and who has the respect and admiration of every musician who has ever encountered him has one overwhelming quality which rises above his astounding musicianship," he said. "Roger Hoard is a human of the highest quality who befriends everyone with whom he comes into contact. "And that quote is an understatement." Hoard is known locally as the very best guitarist in the region and he's in high demand as an instructor, as well. Why the guitar? How did that love affair begin? I was inspired by Elvis on the Ed Sullivan show. I would get my toy guitar and play along with Elvis. I had a bunch of guitars as a kid and bugged my Dad for lessons until finally, he gave in. I went for lessons at 8 and they said my hands were too small. I started lessons at eleven and was playing gigs at 12. As a student, was Brad Paisley a natural when it came to playing the guitar? Please explain. Brad was a natural at the guitar and a total gearhead about it. I, along with other local players, was an influence on Brad. When we filmed the Letter to Me video, Mrs. Brinkman told me there was a time when I was all he talked about. I didn’t know that. When Brad moved to Nashville, he really came into his own as a player and found his style. Roger has played with many greats, including "Mr. Guitar" Chet Atkins. As far as live and local music in the Wheeling area, when was the best era, and what made it the best? The 1980s and early 90’s were great in the area. Great club scene, and you could play four or five nights a week in the tri-state area. It was a great time too. When it comes to the magic of music, did you offer to teach your son, Travis, or did he ask you to teach him? I took Travis for sax and piano lessons. I think WPHS really helped him musically. In Jazz, Marching and Steel Drum bands, he was like a sponge. I’m truly amazed at how good he is at everything he plays – drums, keys, saxophone, and bass. He’s a great singer, too. We’ve played some great gigs together, and I’m a Grandfather now. No one was aware this 2016 performance would be the last one for Hoard and his star pupil, country music superstar Brad Paisley, at Jamboree in the Hills. What is your all-time favorite moment from your years at Jamboree in the Hills? Being a fill band early on was great and led us to becoming the staff (band). Playing with Brad in 2016 was very cool. Read the full article

[goo-berz]

"Where is Gotye now?"

To many it seems like Gotye has dropped off the face of the Earth after his last album, Making Mirrors, released.. however, this is not true, I will tell you where he is now and what's happened since his last album released ..for those curious!!!

First though, I want to get into his background, because if I'm gonna talk about him why not just make a whole biography?

Early Gotye (1990-2000)

Wally De Backer (Gotye) was born in Belgium in 1980. When he was a young child he and his family moved over to Australia, which is where he would continue to grow up. He had always shown an interest in creating music, and as a teenager he was really able to experiment when he formed a band named "Downstares" - inspired by Depeche Mode -with 3 of his High School friends around 1993 ~ 1995. They would create their own music and play live, becoming well-known in their area. They had created a couple songs, however very little information about Downstares or their discography exists online, and only a few seconds of one of their songs, 1-900, is available to listen to. In the year 2000 they all graduated and eventually the band dissolved as everyone moved onto doing their own things. During this time Wally still wanted to create music, but was lost on what to do or where to start. He began taking samples and playing around with them, creating tracks with said samples. He would take these tracks and make a self-published album that he'd send out to radio stations to try to make a name for himself. One station, Triple J, took interest and decided to play it on their station. This caught the attention of a label named Lucky Numbers, who made a deal to publish his next album, Boardface. Boardface contained a couple of the original songs from the self-released album, but also had 6 brand new tracks. The album had good reception, but wasn't that successful and only sold 800 copies.

The Basics formation (2002)

In between the time of Downstares dissolving and Boardface being released, he met another aspiring musician named Kris Schroeder at a party. They would bond over their mutual love for The Beatles and decided to form a Beatles-inspired band named "The Basics" with another one of their friends, Michael. A month after Boardface was released The Basics released their first album "Get Back", heavily inspired by The Beatles. Michael would drop out of the band shortly after, which lead to them putting up flyers looking for another bass player to take his place - they only got one response from someone named Tim Heath, a man of the same age who also loved The Beatles as much as them. He would join the band, and as of 2024 he's still their bass player.

Here's a photo of these creatures. Idk why Kris is doing a kissy face but he is (Left, Wally/Gotye. Middle, Tim. Right, Kris)

Mid-era Gotye (2003 - 2010)

Wally would work on solo music, as well as simultaneously work on music with The Basics. In 2006 he released his next solo album, "Like Drawing Blood", to extreme success. The album instantly became a hit in Australia, Belgium, Japan and more - however the western world was still oblivious to his music.

After this he'd take a few years break to work on his career with The Basics. They released 3 new albums and 3 new EPs to some success. To gain more attention for their work, they would go on tour & do interviews, which ended up working pretty well for them and they became a fairly popular band in Australia.

Gotye becomes famous (2011)

Wally would work on a music video for one of his new, upcoming songs, Somebody That I Used to Know. This song would essentially be used as an appetizer for Making Mirrors. The song would be released a month before the release of the full album to drum up hype for its release. In 2011 he would finally release the album, Making Mirrors. It was doing very well in Europe, however it wasn't an international success just yet. That was, until, out of nowhere, the music video began to spread around on the internet, alerting many more people about the album, especially those in the western world. It instantly became an international success overnight and became a pop culture phenomenon.

He wasn't used to this type of attention and never intended for it. He didn't like or want fame, he just wanted to experiment with music and sounds, and that's when his career blew up. He decided to go back to working with The Basics to get away from all the eyes on him, and that's where he'd continue to work for the next couple of years.

The Basics era (2011 - 2016)

The Basics would release more albums and EPs and go on another tour. At this point the band had long strayed away from being Beatles inspired and instead became a band trying to make a political statement, releasing music criticizing the Australian government and even going as far as making their own political party. For the time they essentially became a political icon for Australia.

Around 2014 ~ 2016 was their peak, but after this they began to slow down as they began to focus on their personal lives & careers. Kris was going to medical school to become a doctor, Tim had a business to run, and Wally began working on the restoration and preservation of an old rare instrument called an Ondioline. Wally had also moved from Australia to NYC, making working on albums much harder.

The Ondioline (Instrument)

The Ondioline is a small electronic instrument that's piano-like in appearance. It's regarded as one of the first synthesizers ever created, created by Georges Jenny around the 1940s. It looks like a small piano with knobs and buttons that can be pressed to create different unique sounds. It was marketed as an all-in-one instrument that could replicate other instruments.

Example of the Ondioline replicating a Saxophone, Banjo & Violin, played by Georges Jenny.

The Ondioline was constantly being tweaked during it's development. One would be created, Georges Jenny would tweak the design and create an even newer model of the Ondioline different from the last. No two Ondiolines are the same because of this. Georges Jenny would also sell Ondiolines to people as a kit - the Ondioline was a base for several unique attachments the owner could purchase and put on it. Because of these two factors, basically every single Ondioline is its own unique instrument. The Ondioline was introduced to a more broader audience by Jean-Jacques Perrey, a French music artist who created music using the Ondioline under the pseudonym "Mr. Ondioline".

The Ondioline was never mass manufactured, only around 1.2k were ever produced, each hand-crafted by Georges Jenny. Because of the Ondiolines age and most models being created with cheap materials, they're very likely to get damaged and fall into disrepair, reducing the original number of 1.2k Ondiolines massively. The instrument is very rare.

Ondioline Era (2016 - 2024)

Wally knew about the instrument for years and had fallen in love with it, however he was never able to find one or get his hands on one. He eventually flew to the Audities Foundation and wrote a song for Perrey on the working Ondioline they had in their archive. He'd email a video of him performing it on the Ondioline over to Perrey who'd reply with appreciation and invited him to come visit if he was ever in Switzerland. Wally took him up on this opportunity, he flew out to visit within 2 weeks of receiving the email and the two became friends. Perrey would die in 2016. To honor his legacy Wally would put on an "Ondioline Orchestra", an orchestra that performed Perrey's songs with an Ondioline at the main center of it Videos of the Orchestra can be watched below;

He'd create the non-profit organization "Forgotten Futures" that works on preserving the Ondioline. Their mission statement can be read below;

"Our mission is to revive lost and forgotten yet vital artifacts of electronic musical instrument history by collecting, faithfully restoring and preserving original instruments; researching and presenting the stories of their inventors; and bringing to light the cultural impact both from the time in which they were made, and more importantly, how they can make an impression on our current and future cultural moments."

He would also create a label under his organization with the same name, "Forgotten Futures", it released never before heard songs created by Jean-Jacques Perrey in memoriam.

Also, just adding this to show how awesome he is; His organization Forgotten Futures has a residency that focuses on empowering POC and LGBTQ+ people who have been disadvantaged in the recording industry. It's a 12 month program that gives members access to a recording studio and Forgotten Futures library of rare and unique instruments for them to experiment and record with. More information can be read here; https://forgottenfuturesmusic.org/

Only a handful of Ondiolines are known to exist today, 10 of which belong to Wally and only half of them have successfully been restored by him. He owns a website https://ondioline.com/ which provides more information about the instrument, models, and all things Ondioline

For even MORE!!! information, you can check out this interview he did with The New Yorker

Present Day (2016 ~ 2024)

In 2017 The Basics released a live album before going on a 3 year semi-hiatus. In 2019 they released their most recent album, B.A.S.I.C In 2021 The Basics announced that they'd be retiring from performing live In 2022 they released a rushed single to celebrate their 20th anniversary as a band, "I Don't Understand People". As of writing, this has been the last thing they released.

In December 2022, Kris Schroeder graduated medical school and gained his doctors degree. He is now working as a doctor. Tim owns an entertainment establishment called Theatre Royal in Castlemaine, Australia. And, of course, Wally is working on preserving the Ondioline.

In these past few years Wally has welcomed the birth of two children, Kris has welcomed one and Tim has welcomed one.

Future (2024+)

Over the past couple years The Basics have released two short audio snippets previewing new tracks that are in production. No information is known about this new album they're working on, there's no release date set for when it's meant to come out and all that's been shared about it has been those two seconds-long snippets. Due to all of the members of The Basics living far away from each other & having their own lives, it's likely the album doesn't get worked on as much so whatever album is being worked on may take a long while to reach completion. This is all that's known about the future of The Basics as a band.

As for Wally's solo work as "Gotye", he has admitted to making experimental tracks these past few years, however he doesn't know if he wants to release the tracks / create a new album. He's stated that a new album may come out eventually, but It's possible a new album won't come out either. He's not necessarily certain on the future of Gotye as a project, but he has stated there is a possibility for the release of future music. He continues to work on preserving the Ondioline & other electronic instruments and that's where his main focus will be

You can check out more at https://ondioline.com/ and https://forgottenfuturesmusic.org/

Anyways... cool right?!

[andtheliike]

The Like for Teen People (September 16, 2005)

The Like: It's like Feminine Rock

Get to know three ladies who rock and get some advice on boys, parents and feeling the blues

By Aaron Parsley

Sep 16, 2005 12:00AM EDT

Based on their antique-y, feminine style, you may not guess that Charlotte, Z, and Tennessee are in a band, but it all makes sense when you hear the sophisticated and timeless rock n roll on their debut album Are You Thinking What I'm Thinking.

"I only shop on eBay." says Z Berg, the lead vocalist and guitar player. So that's where they get their "lacey, Victorian," "so Sienna Boho," and "Moddv. MoPunk" attire.

Charlotte Froom, who shops everywhere, plays bass. She and Tennessee Thomas, who pounds the drums in the video for their first single "What I Say And What I Mean" wearing a maroon corduroy jumper over a lace top, met when they were five years old. Tennessee lived in Great Britain and Charlotte lived in NoCal, but they kept in touch until they both ended up in Los Angeles. That's where they met Z, "through a complex web of mutual friends" after sending out word that they were searching for a voice and guitar player for their chick-rock band. 

But before they recorded and went on tour with their good friends Maroon 5 and later with Tori Amos, the girls had a spot of trouble coming up with a clever name for their band. We'll let them explain how they ended up with The Like:

[sadly the video is no longer available]

And did they mention they carry their own amps? Having The Like in our offices was the perfect chance to get some answers for TEEN PEOPLE readers. We decided to pull a few questions from the TEEN PEOPLE boards to find out what The Like have to say about life. 

TP BOARDS: My friend has drinking problem and every time she leaves home alone she drinks. I'm scared for her cuz I really don't want her to hurt herself. Any advice on making her understand how bad this is?

Z: That's a hard question. I think the most important thing is to talk to her personally and make sure she understands. 

Charlotte: Don’t go to her parents first because you should only do that when you've talked to her a bunch of times. 

Tennessee: Or you'll only loose your friend. 

TP BOARDS: Does anyone else think that 50 Cent sucks? He's stupid and his rap talks about naaaasty things... and he once said he wants to be a good 'role model'... yeah right!

Charlotte: He's a rap artist. Are they really supposed to be role models for children? I don't feel like that's really his job. 

Tennessee: The thing is... he's beating the odds. And if he's beating the odds then he's doing something right. 

TP BOARDS: I'm really into my boyfriend, and he wants to have sex but I'm still a virgin and he's not! What should I do?

Z: If you really like this guy, just be as honest as possible and just say, "I like you, but I've never done this before and if you care about me, you'll be OK to wait." 

Charlotte: If he won't wait, then you probably shouldn't loose your virginity to him. 

TP BOARDS: I've recently been having trouble with everything. I take things too personal and I just don't know how to 'brush my shoulder off.' I've have become very depressed and haven't had much peace at mind. HELP ME PLEASE!

Tennessee: My advice is to get really into something and it will open up a whole world. Like with us, I didn't have that many friends in high school and then we figured out what we like doing and somehow this happened and now we have a band. 

Z: If it's getting to the point where you're really just feeling down about everything, try to find someone to talk to. Talk to you parents if you can or a guidance counselor at school, which really isn't that bad, or if you have a friend who you know will understand. 

Charlotte: There are teen lines too. I know a bunch of people who do it. They volunteer. You call up if you're upset and they give you advice. And it's free. 

TP BOARDS: When my mom was little she never went over guys houses! I don't know why but she didn't. Now she wont let me go to guys houses even if me and the guy are just friends! Any suggestions on how to get her to trust me?

Z: Parents have a hard time with their little babies growing up and that's how all parents are. The concept of you going to boys houses means boys, which means sex, which means No, baby girl grows up! 

Charlotte: Can't you have him come over and have him meet your mom? 

Tennessee: Well, her parents are probably really embarrassing if they're saying this. They'll come out and be like, "What are you doing here. No boys allowed!" 

Charlotte: Okay, just lie!

[togethergreys]

James gang funk

Kesha performing at the Taylor Hawkins tribute concert. Kesha delivers a killer cover of T Rex’s Children of the Revolution – her polite “thank you” at the end is so at odds with the rawness of her performance that it is greeted with a ripple of laughter – and Supergrass barrels through Alright. The surviving members of Rush perform the knotty instrumental YYZ on a stage that earlier saw Nile Rodgers doing David Bowie’s Let’s Dance with Queens of the Stone Age’s Josh Homme on vocals. Then comes a video message from Billie Eilish, followed by AC/DC’s Brian Johnson singing Back in Black and Let There Be Rock with Metallica’s Lars Ulrich on drums. Mark Ronson performs a beautifully dreamy acoustic version of Valerie with Grohl’s daughter Violet on vocals. How else to explain the bill at the first of two tribute concerts organised in the wake of his death in March? It swerves wildly, serving up mainstream pop next to tricky prog rock, metal beside Britpop. “Funk #49” is one of Joe Walsh’s most popular songs, and by the mid-’70s he admitted that he couldn’t stand playing it anymore, but did so because fans loved it.Clearly, this is an attitude that Grohl shared with the Foo Fighters’ late drummer, Taylor Hawkins. “Funk #49” became a staple of Album Oriented Rock and Classic Rock radio, but it wasn’t the biggest chart hit for the James Gang – that would be “Walk Away,” which made #51 in 1971 and was later reworked for Walsh’s 1976 solo album You Can’t Argue with a Sick Mind. There was a “Funk 50,” but not until Joe Walsh released it on his 2012 album Analog Man after being asked to rework “Funk #49” for the ESPN show Sunday NFL Countdown. The first James Gang album ( Yer’ Album, 1969) contained the track “Funk #48,” which according to producer Bill Szymczyk, got its title “out of thin air.” When they came up with what would become “Funk #49,” they were once again faced with no logical title based on the lyrics, and followed the sequence. The only thing we really added was the percussion middle part, which the three of us actually played, putting some parts on top of the drums, but that’s the three-piece James Gang, and that’s the energy and kind of the symmetry we were all about.” It was a really good example of how we put things together, bearing in mind that it was a three-piece group, and I don’t think that there was any overdubbing. He explained in the book The Guitar Greats, “I came up with the basic guitar lick, and the words never really impressed me intellectually, but they seemed to fit somehow. There isn’t much in the way of lyrics, as the song is mostly a showcase for Walsh’s guitar work. The song is about a girlfriend whose wild ways the singer just can’t tame (the female equivalent of Joe Walsh’s character in his solo hit “Life’s Been Good”). Walsh wrote this song with his bandmates, drummer Jim Fox and bass player Dale Peters. Szymczyk produced the band and began a long association with Joe Walsh, producing his solo albums and most of the Eagles output in the ’70s. It was the producer Bill Szymczyk who signed the James Gang to ABC Records after seeing them perform at a show in Ohio. It was quite a learning experience for Walsh, who left the James Gang in 1971 after recording three studio albums with the group. With just three members, it meant Walsh had to play both rhythm and lead guitar parts, and also sing (he got a lot more help when he joined the Eagles in 1975). They were a 5-piece when Walsh joined but was down to three when they released their second album James Gang Rides Again. He replaced Glenn Schwartz in the band, who Walsh considers a mentor. Walsh joined the Cleveland-based group in 1969 after making a name for himself as one of the top guitarists in Ohio. The James Gang is best known for their guitarist, Joe Walsh, whose playing on this track helped establish him as a superstar guitarist. The song peaked at #59 in the Billboard 100 in 1971. This song has been played a bunch on the radio but Joe Walsh’s intro doesn’t get old to me.

[stereostevie]

When you think of grunge, do you picture a bunch of long-haired White guys in plaid shirts, singing about teenage angst and self-loathing? Time to expand that viewpoint. Standing above them all should be Tina Bell, a tiny Black woman with an outsized stage presence, and her band, Bam Bam. It’s only recently that the 1980s phenom has begun to be recognized as a godmother of grunge.

This modern genre’s sound was, in many ways, molded by a Black woman. The reason she is mostly unknown has everything to do with racism and misogyny. Looking back at the beginnings of grunge, with the preconception that “everybody involved” was White and/or male, means ignoring the Black woman who was standing at the front of the line.

Bam Bam was formed as a punk band in 1983 in Seattle. Bell, a petite brown-skinned spitfire with more hairstyle changes than David Bowie, sang lead vocals and wrote most of the lyrics. Her then-husband Tommy Martin was on guitars (the band’s name is an acronym of their last names: Bell And Martin), Scotty “Buttocks” Ledgerwood played bass, and Matt Cameron was on drums. Cameron would leave the band in its first year and go on to fame as the drummer for Soundgarden and Pearl Jam. But he paid homage to his beginnings by wearing a Tina Bell T-shirt in a photoshoot for Pearl Jam’s 2017 Anthology: the Complete Scores book.

“For some reason a couple of skinheads are up front, calling her [the N-word] And all of the sudden, Bell grabs a microphone stand and she starts swirling it around her head like a lasso… She swung that fuckin’ thing around her head and about the fourth time, she smashed that son of a bitch.”

Bam Bam’s sound straddled the line between punk and something so new that it didn’t have a name yet. Their music combined a driving, thrumming bass line; downtuned, sludgy guitars; thrashy, pulsing drums; melodic vocals that range from sultry to haunting to screamy; and lyrics about the existential tension of trying to exist in a world not designed for you. The band’s 1984 music video for their single “Ground Zero” is low-budget, but Bell’s charisma seeps through.

“She was fucking badass. That’s all there is to it. She was amazing as a performer. I’ve only seen one White male lead singer command the stage in a similar way that Tina Bell did, and that was Bon Scott of AC/DC,” says Om Johari, who attended Bam Bam shows as a Black teenager in the ’80s and who would go on to lead all-female AC/DC cover band Hell’s Belles.

Christina King, a Seattle scenester who was close friends with Bell from 1984 until the early ’90s, says the singer’s talent was obvious. But she believes a lot of people dismissed Bell as a gimmick.

Among those attending their shows: Future members of grunge bands like Nirvana (Kurt Cobain did a stint as a Bam Bam roadie), Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, and Pearl Jam.

“I remember one person saying to me that they didn’t get ‘the whole Black girl singer thing,’ it just didn’t fit whatever they were into,” says King. “They were too ahead of their time.”

Bam Bam came into being in an era when hundreds of underground clubs, taverns, bars, and social halls — anywhere that you could cram in a band — were within the Seattle city limits. Bam Bam played almost all of them, and often to big crowds: The Colourbox, Crocodile Lounge, Gorilla Gardens, Squid Row — just to name a few.

Among those attending their shows: Future members of history-making grunge bands like Nirvana (Kurt Cobain did a stint as a Bam Bam roadie), Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, and Pearl Jam. Not to mention all the other people, mostly White and male, who would become prime targets for music labels trying to market this new sound.

Bell “already possessed everything they were trying to attain. She had a truer rock and roll spirit than almost any of those guys in that town. Everything they tried to do, she naturally was,” says Ledgerwood, still a loyal bandmate.

One Seattle club, The Metropolis, became “like our fucking living room,” says Ledgerwood. It was also the site of an overtly racist verbal assault against Tina Bell.

“For some reason a couple of skinheads are up front, calling her [the N-word],” Ledgerwood recalls. “And all of the sudden, Bell grabs a microphone stand and she starts swirling it around her head like a lasso… She swung that fuckin’ thing around her head and about the fourth time, she smashed that son of a bitch… She nailed that fucker right in the temple of his head. Split like a melon. And the other guy next to him caught it too, they go down, and we’re like, ‘What the fuck?’”

Ledgerwood says that after going backstage for a while to regroup, Bell came back “and put out the most blistering set of our fucking career.”

This could easily be an anecdote about Bell’s power, her resilience, and willingness to fight back against oppressive forces. But it’s also a story about the cost of being a Black woman who does something that some people don’t expect or approve of.

“She’s being pulled out of her zone because somebody is acknowledging how the rest of the world can see her,” says Johari, empathizing with the star rocker. “And even to react to it by picking up a microphone and smashing someone in the face, that means that that incident cost her not only that moment it takes to get back into the song, but the whole [effects of her] action will last for weeks.

“She’ll replay that over and over and over and over again. And then the people she sees that were there when it happened, they’re gonna come up to her and they’re gonna forget everything that she’s saying, all the stuff that she had did, and they’re only going to focus on, ‘I was at that show where you knocked a dude in the head for calling you an N-word,’” Johari says. “It has nothing to do with her artistry. But it reminds her of the way in which she has to be prepared, just in case it happens again.”

King remembers Bell also felt that some of the other men in the band’s changing lineup failed to treat her as an equal partner: “She’s getting that from her own band members — what do you think audience people are like?”

A European tour in the late ’80s gained Bam Bam international fans, but ended after Bell and Martin split up, and Bell was caught in an immigration enforcement dragnet in the Netherlands.

When they returned to the Pacific Northwest, Bam Bam continued playing shows until 1990, when Bell abruptly quit as they were packing up to head to the studio in Portland, Ore.

“She had just had enough,” Ledgerwood says. “For almost eight years she had almost literally eviscerated herself for the audience.”

But that work never resulted in the national recognition they deserved.

“Grunge, whatever that means, is being identified as from your community, your colleagues, your sound that you were a participant in help shaping, and you’re not even mentioned in any of it.”

“Sometimes you need to be a little bit of an asshole to protect yourself. And Bell wasn’t much of an asshole,” Ledgerwood adds. “She was a pure-hearted person and had a really hard time believing that people couldn’t accept her over something as stupid as race.”

Bell didn’t just quit the band, she withdrew from music completely, says her son, Oscar-winning documentary filmmaker TJ Martin. Not out of resentment, he adds, but perhaps to escape the painful reminders that the music she helped pioneer was now earning other bands multimillion-dollar record contracts.

“Grunge, whatever that means, is being identified as from your community, your colleagues, your sound that you were a participant in help shaping, and you’re not even mentioned in any of it,” Martin says. “I can’t even fathom what that would feel like for it to be sort of spit back in your face with such frequency.”

Ledgerwood believes Bell died of a broken heart. But when Bell died alone in her Las Vegas apartment in 2012, the official cause of death listed was cirrhosis of the liver. She had struggled with alcohol and depression. Her son says the coroner estimated her time of death as a couple weeks before her body was discovered. She was 55 years old.

The things that could have told Tina Bell’s story in her own voice are lost. Martin arrived in Las Vegas to find that the contents of his mother’s apartment — except for a DVD player, a poster, and a chair — had been thrown away. All of her writings — lyrics, poems, diaries — along with Bam Bam music, videos, and other memorabilia — went in the trash without her family even being notified.

If you think you were in Seattle in the ’80s, in the grunge scene, and you don’t remember Tina Bell and Bam Bam, you probably weren’t really fucking there.

“I couldn’t help draw a parallel between her not being respected and seen in the first chapter of her life, as the front person of a punk band, and then even in death being disrespected and not being seen for the merits of the life she lived,” says Martin.

Bell’s death is also an indictment of the way she was written out of her own story. The way grunge’s almighty gatekeepers chose to look through her instead of at her. Grunge became the domain of alienated young White men in flannel shirts, and Tina Bell didn’t fit the narrative they were trying to sell.

“Black herstory can suffer immense amounts of erasure if somebody is not brave enough to ensure that women get counted,” Johari says.

To many of those who were part of the scene at the time, the amnesia seems intentional. Ledgerwood brings up the seminal history of Seattle’s grunge era, Everybody Loves Our Town. In it, the author refers to Bam Bam as a three-piece instrumental band mainly notable because Matt Cameron was the drummer. Tina Bell isn’t even mentioned.

“How in the hell would he have a recollection of how great Bam Bam and its drummer was, and not this unbelievably beautiful woman, this firecracker, this explosive rock and roll goddess?” Ledgerwood asks. “Even if he thought she sucked, to not remember the only Black woman on the whole fuckin’ scene is — well, it’s like that old joke about the ’60s: If you think you were in Seattle in the ’80s, in the grunge scene, and you don’t remember Tina Bell and Bam Bam, you probably weren’t really fucking there.”

You can listen to more of Bam Bam’s music on this Spotify playlist. A vinyl album with the band’s songs is coming out this year on Bric-a-Brac Records.

[danses-with-dogmeat]

What Instruments would the Companions play?

Fallout 4 -- 

Cait: Uilleann Pipes (or Elbow Bagpipes) 

     - Okay, it's not just because it’s an Irish instrument (I mean, I'd be lying if I said that wasn't part of it), but also it's the way the unique pipes are played. The player is seated with the instrument strapped to their waist and dominant hand, using their opposite elbow to control the flow of air in the bag (rather than blowing into it like with normal bagpipes). It's a complicated instrument that requires an immense amount of physical control and discipline to play, which meshes well with Cait's physicality and athleticism. She's had the instrument as long as she can remember, finding it lying around in her childhood home. She managed to grab it before her parents sold her, and though it does sometimes remind her of them, all of the hours she spent learning to play it practically forces her to hold onto the instrument. She is wildly adept at playing it, and will sometimes do so in front of Sole, as long as they keep quiet about this ability of hers.  

Curie: Violin

     - A delicate instrument that requires dexterity and control, Curie would love the challenges that playing the violin would present. She found the string instrument in the depths of the vault before she became a synth, but held onto it thinking one day she would find someone who could make it sound beautiful. When she made the change to her synth body, she was incredibly excited to finally be able to play it, and though it took a while, she managed to become quite skilled. As a medical professional, she already has incredible coordination, so not only does the violin provide a creative outlet for Curie, but also it allows her to practice her control, since she still is getting used to just having the two hands, and all of her fingers. Once well-practiced, she loves to play softly to recovering patients in her ward. 

Danse: Baritone

     - When he first found the large horn, he didn’t really know what to think of it, he certainly didn’t consider playing it. However, once Sole explained it to him and told him how the instrument is played, he decided to pick it up one day when he was alone. He might have a hard time at first, since learning to play a new instrument can be especially frustrating for someone as hard on themselves as Danse is, but once he gets the hang of it, he's a big fan of the rich, loud sound it creates. He still rarely plays in front of anyone else (Sole and Haylen being the only exceptions), but he likes to practice in the little amount of downtime that he does have. Plus he enjoys caring for it by constantly cleaning and polishing the different pieces of the larger brass instrument. 

Deacon: Kazoo 

     - It started out as a joke, he found a little metal kazoo, discovered the manner in which to play it, and decided to have a field day with Carrington back at HQ. Later though, after practicing a number of the most obnoxious songs he could find, he found he was quite good at it and quickly he grew fond of the plucky little instrument. Now he carries it around with him almost everywhere, telling everyone that he plays it ironically, but deep down he knows that he truly enjoys it. 

Hancock: Saxophone 

     - Hancock has quite the reputation of being good with his lips and hands, and his adept ability to play the saxophone would only support this. He's had a lot of time to perfect his playing and will sometimes go up on stage with Magnolia to the delight of nearly everyone in Goodneighbor. He loves the instrument's smooth, jazzy sound and always revels in showing off his skills with a good solo.

MacCready: Harmonica 

     - An easy instrument to carry with you on the road, MacCready picked it up in his travels and messed with it whenever he knew the sound wouldn't endanger him. After a couple years, he became quite skilled with the wind instrument and would play it both for Lucy and Duncan as often as he could. He always keeps it with him, almost as a crutch at this point, even if he can't find the right place to play it, just having it with him reminds him of his travels with his son and his late wife. 

Nick: Piano 

     - Always the classic gentleman type, it's no surprise that the old detective knows how to manipulate piano keys in such a way that he seems to transport you back in time to a dark and hazy pre-war bar. The old Nick is where the original skill came from, but the synth's fingers are much more nimble than the human Nick's were. He enjoys playing whenever he can find a piano; however, be warned, if it isn't tuned, you can bet your ass he'll do his best to rectify that, which could take a couple hours at best, and a few days at worst.

Piper: Tambourine 

     - The percussion instrument was a gift from her father, so she's held onto it since she was young and always takes extra care in looking after her tambourine (she considers it the most important item she owns, after her printing press of course.) Besides the fact it was a gift from a loved one, she likes the instrument because of its simplicity and the way she can easily come up with and control her own rhythm. She fondly remembers many an evening prattling away at the tambourine while her and Nat danced the night away in a rare moment of true childish fun. Sometimes Nat will pick up the instrument while Piper is busy at the typewriter and try to create a beat to her sister's typing. 

Preston: Banjo

     - Does this one need an explanation? Preston just gives me mad banjo vibes. Imagine the joy he feels sitting around a campfire, striking up a tune that everyone knows, encouraging all the people around him to join in on the song. He tells himself that he does it for the benefit of those around him, to distract them from their troubles and the cruelty of the wasteland, but the truth is, he does it just as much to distract himself. It makes him happy to see others happy around him, and if the banjo provides a way to do that, then Preston will do his best to stay practiced in as many feel-good songs as he can.

X6-88: Upright/Double Bass 

     - This instrument is an absolute beast, coming in at about 6 feet tall and weighing about 45 lbs, but X6 would welcome the challenge of playing such an instrument; his own height and the large size of his hands providing a distinct advantage in learning how to play the bass properly. Not being of the faint of heart, X6 practices until his playing ability is nearly flawless, reveling in the deep, rich sound that emanates from his intimidating instrument. He prefers to read music and follow chord structure rather than improvise when he is playing, and he works to try and perfect every technique that he can, ranging from using a bow (arco), to striking with his fingers (pizzicato), to slapping the strings against the fingerboard. 

Fallout 3 -- 

Butch: Clarinet 

     - The poor 14 year-old was horrified when he was handed the old reed instrument when inducted into the vault 101 school band. But as Butch grew older, and his playing abilities increased, he realized he could make some pretty cool sounds with this thing. Jazz was always one of his favourite genres of music, and the clarinet allowed him to play along to many of his favourite songs. He doesn't bring the instrument with him while traveling, but he will play it when at home and sometimes will be bold enough to play for audiences at bars. 

Charon: Bass Guitar

     - He had never touched a bass before coming across one while traveling with Lone, but as soon as he picked it up, he found he had an affinity for it. Charon was patient with himself as he learned how to play, his scarred fingers both a blessing and a curse. Though it was sometimes difficult to get the chords right, he didn't have to worry about bloody fingers from long hours practicing plucking the rough strings. He comes up with a few bass lines on his own, then tries replicating songs that he hears. Charon actually really enjoys the creative outlet, and it's the perfect activity to focus on when Lone is gone. 

Clover: Flute

     - Clover treasures her flute, as the instrument was a gift from Eulogy that only reinforces the idea that she's his favourite. After all, he never gave Crimson a flute, or any other instrument for that matter. She finds it difficult at first, as she works to master her finger position and airflow, and occasionally she gets frustrated to the point of being completely unable to play; but once she gets the basics down, Clover uses the little woodwind instrument as a way to distract herself from her jealousy and tends to play it as aggressively as one can play a flute when Eulogy insists on spending time alone with Crimson. Otherwise, she will sometimes play it with Eulogy as her only audience member, but her favourite is when she can sit on her own and play the flute for herself, it makes her happy and it let's her see how far she's come since she was first gifted the instrument. When she begins traveling with Lone, she holds onto the flute and continues to play it for her own benefit, and of course, she wouldn’t be opposed to playing for Lone, if they were to ask...

Cross: Trumpet

     - She discovered the small brass instrument in her travels to pre-war military locations, and was interested in the history of the horn in regards to the old U.S. military. When she first picked it up, she wasn't a huge fan of the brash noise that comes from it, but as she grew more adept at playing it, she found she liked the sound. Cross takes inspiration from the bugle music that was played before the war, and replicates it for the members of the brotherhood of steel. 

Fawkes: Bongos 

     - He's been a fan of percussion ever since he was locked in isolation in the vault. Throughout his time there, he would often find different surfaces to drum his hands on to pass the time. Lone began noticing this little habit of his, and when they surprised him with a pair of bongo drums, Fawkes was elated. He plays them as often as he can, but usually waits until they are at home, after all, he couldn't risk losing or damaging them out in the wastes. But it's his favorite way to relax and unwind after Lone and him return from the hostile wasteland to the security of their home. He did once bring them to Underworld to play for the residents there, but he was anxious about harming the instrument the whole way there and the whole way home. 

Jericho: Maracas

     - Jericho wouldn't have the patience to sit down and learn a complex musical instrument, so maracas are a good fit for him. He found a single one when he and Lone were traveling and didn't think much of it, but thought it was interesting enough to hold onto. Once Lone explained what they believed it was, Jericho began to experiment with the instrument when he was alone (he couldn't risk Lone seeing him acting like such an idiot, with this glorified baby rattle.) But once he discovered another one, he decided he liked the sound of them together. Even though the maracas are all mismatched, he keeps any that he can find and tries them all paired with one another. He still tries to keep it on the down low, but every once in a while he'll know that Lone is listening in, he'll utter some rude comment, but continue playing as though Lone weren't there. 

Fallout New Vegas -- 

Arcade: Ukulele 

     - Arcade doesn't know how it happened, how he found the little guitar-like instrument, honestly, it was left in his tent at the fort, and he doesn't know where it came from. For the longest time, he just left it where it sat near his bed, unsure what to do with it, but after a couple weeks passed, he felt like he had to do something with it. So he started to pluck at the nylon strings, and he couldn't keep from uttering a small yelp of surprise at the sweet sound of the instrument. He doesn't play often, and he still needs to practice, but when he's alone, Arcade loves to strum the strings and come up with little tunes that end up getting way too stuck in his head. 

Boone: Cajón

     - The little, wooden, box-shaped drum is a practical instrument that isn't complicated to play and is easy to transport, making it a nice fit for the 1st recon sniper. Boone has had restless hands for as long as he can remember, and the problem has only gotten worse since the incident at bitter springs, so originally, when he found the cajón and brought it back to his room at the NCR barracks, he would tap at the different sides just as a little habit. However, when he discovered the way each side differed in pitch, he found he could manipulate the tapping of his hands in such a way to create some interesting beats. He brought it with him when he left the NCR and keeps it at his place in Novac to play with whenever he's there. Now it's not only an entertaining pastime, but it's ended up being very therapeutic for him. 

Cass: Acoustic Guitar

     - As a caravaner, you tend to pick up some of the habits of other caravan members that you meet in your travels. Originally, Cass found the guitar and made the decision to sell it, but that was before the guard of another caravan sat himself down by the fire one night, grabbing the instrument from beside Cass's pack, and began to play. When he first picked up the guitar, Cass was ready to deck him for touching one of her wares, but after hearing him play it, she couldn't help but ask him to teach her. She tends to bring the instrument with her when she can, but usually she'll keep it in a safe place so she can practice in her down time. 

Raul: Flamenco/Spanish Guitar 

     - Raul's nimble fingers are good for more than just making repairs, despite their ghoulified appearance, they still possess the muscle memory of when he learned to play the Flamenco guitar before the bombs fell. His family down in Mexico really appreciated the importance of music, and Raul still believes that it helped him get through some of the toughest times after the bombs fell. He makes it a priority to find guitar strings for when his end up breaking, and he tries to keep his original guitar in pristine condition. He doesn't play too often, but when he does, Six can hardly believe the skill in which he plucks the strings of the pre-war instrument.

Veronica: Drums

     - Every time Veronica was sent out on recon, she would keep her eyes peeled for another drum or symbol to add to the developing set she had hidden away at Helios One. It started with a simple snare, then a symbol she had found, and when she discovered a bass drum, she hid it outside the building before she was assigned guard duty, and she snuck the large drum down to her set. She loves the outlet that playing the drums provides, and though she sometimes worries someone will hear her, the risk is worth the thrill of going all out when she takes a seat in front of her drum set. After the events at Helios One that eventually led to her leaving the brotherhood facility, she makes plans to one day return to retrieve the instrument she left hidden away.

[rootsrockweirdo]

The September issue of Honky Tonk Times is available now at thehonkytonktimes.com. This month I interviewed Mario Carboni and Norm Hamlet, who served as Merle Haggard's bandleader and steel guitar player for over 49 years. These interviews are a dream come true!

Carboni, Hamlet carry on Bakersfield tradition of music and kindness

Mario Carboni might be the nicest guy you’ve never met. From the start of our half-hour-long interview, Carboni exhibits the personality traits not of a traveling musician but of a man who genuinely concerns himself with the happiness of those around him. The 35-year-old piano and trumpet player extraordinaire is driving across Alaska in a van purchased specifically for runs in The Last Frontier. A mix-up has caused him and his lone bandmate to miss their hour-long set at the state’s largest festival. Instead of dogging the head of the event, Carboni simply says: “They’re busy. They have so many acts in there it’s understandable.” It’s not the reaction I expected, but as our conversation continues, it becomes clear that perhaps his heroes have not only influenced his music but his attitude toward life as well. A native of Oregon, Carboni’s lifelong affair with music began at 9 months old when he started playing the piano (yes, you read that correctly). By the age of 10, he added the trumpet to his repertoire. “I started out playing ragtime and improvising,” he says. “I ended up playing the trumpet in various school bands, then figured out how to play the two of them together when I was about 20. I ended up going from there, starting to play shows – I did a year of college, and it was not at all what I wanted to do – so I went over to Bakersfield and started meeting folks I considered to be my heroes and met Red Simpson in 2015.” One of the originators of “truck driving country,” Simpson rose to popularity as both a recording artist and songwriter in the mid-1960s, scoring hits such as “Roll, Truck, Roll” and “Hello, I’m A Truck.” The Bakersfield native remained a permanent fixture in the area's music scene, coming to the aid of many aspiring musicians until his death in January 2016. “Red was always helping younger folks and kids,” Carboni says. “He’d record a record with somebody in their little home studio, mention them in a radio interview or tour with them. He toured with me; he didn’t have to do that. The two of us recorded two records together; they were the last two records he ever recorded.” Following Simpson’s death, Carboni received an invitation to play at Buck Owens’ Crystal Palace, where a chance meeting with Norm Hamlet would change the trajectory of his career, forming an unlikely duo billed as “The Rebel and The Stranger.” As a member of Merle Haggard’s Strangers, Hamlet served as bandleader and steel guitar player for nearly 50 years, playing on more than 30 No. 1 hits and performing in some of the most recognizable concert venues in the U.S. Upon Haggard’s death in April 2016 and despite his age at the time, Hamlet too found himself wondering what would come next. “We were both hired to play in a band at Buck Owens’ Crystal Palace, and we started talking that night,” Carboni recalls. “I asked him if I could have his number and eventually called him up and told him I’d like to shoot a video of the two of us playing three songs; I’d pick my three favorite songs that he’d recorded on. We filmed this series of videos and put them out. I think there was one of ‘No Reason To Quit,’ another of ‘The Roots of My Raising,’ and it was really special to me because he’d played on the original hit with Merle in the ‘70s. I told him I could never afford to pay him what it was worth, and he was very nice to do that for me. “We put them out on social media and turned around a week later, and they’d hit 600,000 views each or something like that. I called him up and said, ‘Hey, this is significant. We should start a project.’ We started talking a little more about it, touring a little bit more and more dates started coming our way. It seems like the more stuff that we do, the more stuff people want to hire us for, and it just snowballed from there to the point where we’re touring the country.” For 86-year-old Hamlet, whose career began nearly seven decades ago and whose resume also includes working with Rose Maddox, The Farmer Boys, and once as part of a band opening for Hank Williams, the decision to return to the road

seemed like the natural course. “Mario had such a charisma about him,” Hamlet said. “When he played music, everybody loved his singing and playing, and I thought the same thing. It had been a long time since I’d seen a piano player that plays as good as he does, so I thought, ‘Well, I might still try to go out there and play a few things.’ This turned into a good job. At my age, I didn’t know how long I’d be able to go out and do it. As long as I can do it health-wise, we’ll keep going out there.” In addition to their busy tour schedule, the two recently completed their debut album, "Hello Heartache," a collection of 10 songs recorded aboard Carboni's tour bus, affectionately dubbed "Ol' Red," on the streets of Bakersfield. Of the 10 songs, eight were written by Carboni and Hamlet. “Most of the songs are upbeat in the Bakersfield sound, traditional style, with a slight twist of the piano being the rhythm and bass instrument instead of a traditional instrumentation,” Carboni explains. “. . . The album also features dobro played by Norm on one track called ‘Miss the Mississippi and You.’ We brought the instrument out of the museum in Nashville to record the album. The last time it was on a recording session was in 1969 on Merle Haggard’s ‘Same Train Different Time’ album.” For now, the album is only available at the pair's live performances, which Carboni says features a mix of songs made famous by some of Bakersfield's heavy hitters, including Haggard, Buck Owens, and Simpson. "They call it a second career when somebody does what Norm's doing, I guess," Carboni says. "He helps me out by playing with me; we help each other out. I get to be his rhythm section, and he lends his incredible reputation to what we're doing, and that's a really special thing, that's important." The pair has several dates scheduled for September. To view their complete schedule, visit www.honkytonkrebel.com. As for the aforementioned festival performance, Carboni and Hamlet were given a time slot for the following day, proving once and for all that nice guys don't always finish last. At least not the ones from Bakersfield.

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

“It felt like ‘Let's go as far as we can go’. Maybe this was the biggest chance we would ever get. That was the kind of things I talked with the members. At that moment, we prepared ourselves for the worst.”

Notes before reading: This is from Kaoru’s first book “Dokugen” released on October 2015 in which his articles from “Ongaku to hito” magazine were compiled, but also an exclusive interview about his life was included. I already posted the first part of this interview (Pages 62-75 if you own the book) so for Kaoru’s birthday, I wanted to share the second part of the interview (Pages 130-143). In the first part, the interview covered his childhood to his first steps in the music scene and bands. This part covers from CHARM’s  disbandment to Dir en grey’s  and solo activities. ---- -Is CHARM a band that was formed by classmates? K: Well, there was one classmate and me, the rest were older. If I remember correctly, they were 3 years older? Even though they were the best guitar players among the members, as I wanted to play guitar myself,I told them one of them “play the bass” (laughs). That person and the other guitarist are siblings Originally, the brother and me were good friends so it was him who told me to form a band. It was like “There is no point in keeping (the band) at local level, I want to do a band that will be a stepping stone for the time being”, “If we don’t go out, we won’t make personal connections”. -“Let's get out of Hyogo” K: That's right. Anyway, the purpose of starting this band was to "get out". There was a live house in the local area, and there were some bands that released CDs from amateurs to indies, but the bands that were popular in the local area at that time were bands that wore long-sleeve T-shirts, slim denim pants and rubber soles shoes. There were many people like that in the local studio. There weren’t many bands like us….with long dyed hair…..That’s why I the person who worked part-time at the rental CD shop was super metal and I thought “There are real bandman in this city!”. There weren’t people like that. -You couldn’t make connections with people like you. K: That's right. I rarely meet people like that in my hometown. In order to sell/promote myself, I have to go out first. That's how the band started. -What do you think  that was the best thing you did when you were in the band at that time? K: Doing my best?......what could be? (laughs) Maybe I don't have a feeling of "doing my best", or I don't think I was conscious of "doing my best" for the band. Besides playing the guitar and arranging the songs, I did several things such as miscellaneous work and making flyers but I didn’t do it with the consciousness of "doing my best", I did it anyway. -It was only for fun. K: I think so. It felt like I was making song while playing around, the members also were relaxed. Someone would go home and listen to some CD and say “let’s do something like that”, others would be reading magazines or watching tv next to them. Everyone gathered after work,from 8pm to 11pm, so it was like using that time to be together having fun. -In the series you wrote for “Ongaku to hito”,  you mentioned that you were doing various part-time jobs at this time. K: I was. Sometimes I worked hard/plentifully, and sometimes I only worked for 15 minutes a day -What is a 15-minute job a day? .K: A part-time job that was just going to a pet store when it was closing and put the bird cages or the hamster basket in front of the store, inside the store. The hourly wage was about 1500 yen, but it only took 15 minutes. On the contrary, I also worked part-time for 12 hours. I had a lot of  jobs, I don’t know if I was skilful or I was good at dealing with things but I looked like a competent guy. After a while, my salary went up and my position went up. -Did you want to become a full-time employee?   K: That wasn’t the case. After all, I was doing it while thinking, “I’m in this place now, but I’m a man who won’t end up in a place like this”.  I think I had a strong consciousness like “I’m working in this now for the band”. However, my parents told me every day, “What are you doing?” (laughs). -What did you answer to that? K: “No, it’s ok”. I didn't borrow money from my parents, so I didn't bother them. -Around this time, there was The Great Hanshin Earthquake. I'm sure you were at your part-time job when the earthquake happened. K: That's right. It happened when I was working part-time at a glass factory. It was shaking around, but that always happened when a crane truck passed so I was like “is that it?”. I thought it was different from other times. When I thought about going home, the train stopped, and the ground was also cracked. On the contrary, it was like being in a scene that didn’t seem to be a real.  However, the inside of my house was messed up, but it was okay. The impact of the earthquake affected many places. Many people quit bands because of that. It was just around the time I started playing at a live houses, so I was able to get acquainted not only with the locals but also with a wide range of people, so I thought “this is terrible”. -What was a thing that you could do for the first time with CHARM? K: I think it was a demo tape. I made it for the first time, so I was happy.  A few years ago, I found it at my parent’s home, I brought it here and listened to it….  Surprisingly, the song wasn’t bad. The lyrics were horrible though (laughs). -But CHARM's activities ended in a little over a year. K: Well, weren’t we playing for a year?  I think that maybe there was a difference in the degree of enthusiasm between the other members and me. It was like there was a wall built between me and the other members. They would talk about giving up and I was like “should we?”. However, after disbanding, the other members except me formed a band together, so I was like “Oh, so it was my fault”. Whether the demo tape sold 3000 copies, or the live movements increased, I didn't have money anyway. The more I moved, the less money I had, so I was worried. It was like “Can I do this?”. -What did you do next after the disbandment was decided? K:  I was thinking about going to various live shows and look for members, when I was thinking about doing something like that, KISAKI suddenly called me. He told me “Can you join us as the guitarist is leaving?”. -It was La: Sadie's, a band formed by KISAKI. K: He wasn’t a proper acquaintance, I just greeted him at a live house somewhere so, I should say that he kind of got suddenly in touch with me? -Why was that? K: At that time, there was the word “soft visual kei”. The thing is, there weren’t bands that looked flashy/showy and cool like that. There weren’t many guys that wearing a suit and looking stylish were heavy/ extreme. That’s why, I heard that there weren’t many people who looked flashy like me. -That’s why he had his eyes on you. K: Maybe. I hadn’t seen a live show of them, but there were La:Sadie’s posters on every live house at that time. Also, even though he didn’t see our live performance over there, he just saw the flyer and contacted me (laughs). -So, for now, you went to see them playing live. K: It's the day after (CHARM) disbanded. I didn’t know how they sounded like, but when I watched them performing live, it was the type (of band) I really liked. There was no reason to turn down the offer and in a selfish way I thought “In order to join this band, the previous disband had to happen”.  And I decided to join them. -When it comes to members, you can say that this band was the predecessor band of DIR EN GREY, but what was your impression of them at that time? K: It's still the same, but (my first impression was) they weren’t that good at socializing (laughs). At first it was an exploration. It was like “What should I do when I enter the studio?”. But when I went it, it was like “Eh….is it like this?”. I mean, the song writing was the same as in my previous band but there weren’t many parts to arrange.  If you could make a song to some extent, it would end there. I remember there weren’t many exchanges between us like, “I want to make this rhythm here” or “Let’s take a break”.  It was done exactly what the composer has done in the studio. Well, it wasn’t interesting. -Then, you came up with various ideas. K: That's right. Even at CHARM, I was just arranging rather than writing songs. - After joining under the name of KAORU, the band's recognition has even more. K: About two months after I joined, we first appeared on the monochrome page of "SHOXX". Everyone was happy at that time. Until then, even if the band name was listed in “Pia” and appeared in live house’s information places, it was like "Oh, we appeared in a national magazine!" (Laughs). From there, we advertised ourselves to sell our name, and we did various things. -How was the planning and mobilization (people who came to the concerts) of live performances compared to the previous band? K: When I was invited (to join the band,), it was a band that had already mobilized more than 100 people, so it's completely different. I remember being so excited to be able to play  in front of a lot of people, it was like “This is it!”. I finally got the feeling that I was on the start line. -Did you feel like you could make it as a professional? K: That wasn't the case. After all, no matter if 3000 tapes were sold or the people attending the lives increased, I didn't have the money anyway. Of course, there was some profit, but there was more money being spent. So, my anxiety/insecurity may had been bit.  Like  "Can I do it in these conditions?". -You were still working part-time as usual? K: Of course. Because when I joined, I was like “As we are going on a tour now, how much should I prepare for many days”. There were many talks about money. It was a band only could play  a certain number of lives . I think we played lives about one-third of the year. Even so, I feel hopeless as I didn’t make money working and writing songs. I couldn't afford to think about the future at all. It's the same for the other members, and  I felt like "I wonder if this will end someday." There were many people who said "I might not be able to play for a while”. - By the way, how did you feel as a guitarist at that time? In terms of style and playing. K: It was just like playing with a heavy sound and shaking your head (laughs). The guitar solo….it's about playing a little phrase. I'm not very interested in it now or in the past. -Are you not interested in guitar solo? K: No, I like listening to them. But I don't really want to play them myself…..it’s like, when a solo is being played I don’t feel like “Hey, I want to copy this!”…. More than that, I like when the high-volume sounds get muted (laughs). The feeling is better when I’m playing the riff like *makes the beat sounds* -I'd like to ask you about bands you liked besides X at that time. Around that time, you started listening to NIN INCH NAILS and other overseas bands. K: That's right. I also liked The Smashing Pumpkins and I went to see their live performances. Around that time, I started listening more to foreign bands than Japanese bands. From Japan, I usually listened to LADIES ROOM and Extasy Records bands (Japanese label formed in April 1986 by Yoshiki). -Was COLOR among these bands (You listened to)? K: COLOR is also included. Once around that time, I got invited  by a roadie of a band that was in Free-will but I thought “Free-will is scary” (laughs). I've heard rumours about TOMMY (DYNAMITE TOMMY / COLOR vocalist, founder of Free-will, DIR EN GREY’s label). He is a senpai originally from my hometown. I've never met him there, but I heard a lot about him (laughs). Later, I got to know about COLOR, and I knew that was TOMMY in the band. - And La: Sadie ’s would be over in less than a year. K: That's right. I talked with each member like "What should we do next?" When we realized, it was like the four of us like “Do you want to do a band the four of us together?”. “The feeling of "let's go as far as we can go" Maybe this was the biggest chance we would have. That was the kind of thing I talked with the members. At that moment, we prepared ourselves for the worst.” -Was it like “going with the flow”? K: We weren’t friends like everyone would go drinking together or so, it’s a relationship more like neither too close to nor too distant since that time. There were invitations from other people (bands) to join them, but at that time there wasn’t a band like us, fierce and distant. I think it was a bit like “Let’s do it together” because there wasn’t any other place. There was no other band that I wanted to play music together. From our point of view, there were some questions like “Should the band be more intense/fierce?” and also, that it must be a visually interesting band. - From there, DIR EN GREY started. K: I think we talked about how me wanted to make a band more expansive than La:Sadie’s. But the fierce part was more extreme. Perhaps it was because I was thinking of becoming a band that no one had ever seen, and that made me feel like "we are  definitely doing it!" -Was TOMMY involved since the beginning? K: TOMMY will appear later. But it seems that he has his eyes on us since La:Sadie’s.  At that time, TOMMY was already in charge of bands and took care of them but at that time the chance didn’t come out. But when we were going to disband….. I was told this later but it seems that TOMMY said “I’m going to get a hold of every band that these five people do (laughs)” -By the way, how was your first encounter with TOMMY? K: The person who took care of us at that time said, "TOMMY wants to meet you." "What’s that? Did we do something wrong?" (Laughs).  That’s why I was nervously waiting at TOMMY’s apartment. Speaking of him, I had this image of him wearing a floral coat, a gauze shirt, leather pants  and long boots, and when he came out wearing leather pants and long boots I was like “Wow! It’s true!” (laughs) -That's scary (laughs). K: So when I told him “Thank you so much for inviting me”,  he told me “Keep doing your best”….I was like “Eh?”. I just met him for a while, I didn’t understand at all why did he invite me. He just told me “Take care on your way home”. After that, I came out of Tokyo, and when I started a band here, I already wrote about it in the “Ongaku to hito” series but, it was decided that we recorded immediately. -At a mobile home? K: We made the songs there. We recorded and played lives in Tokyo. Then, we had more and more chances to talk and discuss with TOMMY about the details of the live performances. The next moment, it was decided that we enter  Free-will. -The situation changed since that moment. K: That's right. Under these circumstances I could concentrate on playing in a band and from that time on, producers gradually started to do their part…..Talking about a major debut become something more solid, so we were getting to go  as far as we could. For the next lives, it's was like going up the stairs, step by step. Until then, I was just rushing with the flow, but I started thinking about variations of the songs, the venues for the lives became bigger, so we thought about stage development….. I started to write songs considering the singles, like “let’s make a song like this”. - At that time, did you have any dreams or goals that you all shared as a band? K: (A goal/dream) shared with the members .. .. maybe there wasn’t anything concrete. We were trying our best to keep up with the situation. I personally wanted to make an album. -Something like “We’ll play at Budokan!”? K: I don't think there was. Of course, I thought it would be great if I could play there, but more than that, the members were excited about things like "What about the PV of the next song?" . -You talked about playing a live at Budokan before your debut, but was there anything that you feel couldn’t keep up with because of how fast  things were going? K: I was worried. It was like “Is it ok,can we do this?”, But when DIR started I prepared myself for the worst, it was like “let’s go as far as we can go”. After all, when we were told to come to Tokyo after the band started, I was thinking, “Let’s do this without rushing”. La: Sadie's was just hectic, “Shouldn’t it be better to solidify the base here before going to Tokyo?”, “But maybe this is the biggest chance we are going to have?”, that was what we talked about. “If we don’t go to Tokyo this time, there might not be another chance anymore”. I talked with the members if we should prepare ourselves for any circumstance  and accept it or not. And we decided to do it. -Like, don't miss your biggest chance. K: Yes. Also, at that, we weren’t competing against other bands, as there was almost no relationship or interaction with other bands. There was this feeling that everything that wasn’t us was an enemy. It might feel like “We are not going to lose to any other guys, we are going ahead”. - So, the band made their major debut, but in less than a year you were back indie. How did you feel at this time? K: TOMMY suggested to do what we could do from that moment on. To be honest, at first I couldn’t keep up with that idea. I was like “Why did we come this far?”. -It’s natural to feel like that. K: So TOMMY asked me, "Would you like to do a band where an old man, president of the record company,  tell you to make a song like this?". So when I said “No, I don’t want to do that”, he said “Then, to do what we want to do, let’s protect ourselves”. That’s why while I said “That’s right” I was wondering if we could do this alone. But if we had done it as a major, the band might not have been like it is now. Maybe it would be more commercial, a band that didn’t make songs as a main thing.  That’s why  at that time I was grateful to TOMMY and I don't think he was wrong. - It was  hard to get into the  several hardships  of doing a band from that moment, wasn’t it? K: That's right. It's still the case now, but to tell the truth, I didn’t really have the consciousness of playing music. The feeling of "doing a band" was stronger than the sound. Even if things were hard, it felt like "We are a band". At some point, I wonder if we were chasing a longing/aspiration somewhere. But from that moment on, I think I started thinking, "Let's make a band where we can express ourselves, something that only we can do." -Was the band activity difficult after that? K: It was hard (laughs). From that time on, it was really hard to write songs, I couldn’t make songs anyway.  As I always say, I’m not the type of person that can immediately shape the sound that comes out. I’ll play what I’ve made while thinking “Is this really good?”.  If my guitar skills were better, it might had been possible to shape it in a cool way, but it wasn’t the case. It seems that you can't compete with your own guitar. That’s why I couldn’t intertwined everything, the rhythm, riffs, and melody in a cool way. -In other words, you have to make a song while imagining the whole result. K: But isn’t that the most uncertain part?  Don’t you do it without knowing what each member is going to play? Perhaps, the biggest thing is that I'm not confident in myself. It’s like I came to this point only with heavy work (laughs) - Well then, you've made many albums with that. K: Right? (laughs) But….. I think I can only make it that way. -What was the first album that made you think "I was able to do it!" K: After all…..it's "MACABRE" (released in 2000). I felt like "I made it!" Before this one, "GAUZE" (released in 1999) contained 5 singles, so I had a strong sense of filling the gaps, but "MACABRE" has a strong sense of creating one album. Also, from that point on, not only the songs but also the consciousness of the sounds changed. The sound became very hard. -Have you ever thought about leaving the band? K:…….. Yes. Yes, there are always moments like that. But it’s  not like "let's quit" but more like "want to escape". Even now, I often feel like giving up while writing songs, I feel like "I can't do it anymore". -Still, what keeps you in the band is…. K: It’s a strange way to say it, but it’s like while I’m thinking about that, there is a part of me saying, “Will you do it?”. There is another me. This one always says "Please do your best!" and the other is like "Yes, I'll do it" (laughs). In other words, everything is up to you. Another self inspires the part of  me who is about to give up. It's like that. -What do you think about bands that have disbanded? K: I think it's a waste. It’s like “Why are you quitting?”. I haven't quit, so I don't know how I would feel about quitting.So, if I quit the band, it would really end there. “Let’s do a comeback”, but after all, it’s over. So, no matter how hard I think it is, I don't want to say, "It’s over".  Because it’s like "If you say it's over, it's all over". -Now, I asked you to look back on your half-life as a bandman so far. What about the future? K: That's right.  It’s like…. There are times I think it's not interesting anymore. It’s not interesting so I’m like "I think I can explore more" and things like that, but I get back on the rails before I knew it.  It’s like “If you don’t do it with all your heart, in the end it’s going to be a band that is just active”. The more you continue, the more troubles you will have. Constantly I'm thinking about what if we can’t go ahead, but we also value our own personality, that's why you just can't do the same thing.  -I feel like you are always looking for something. K: I always think about "something more". I get worried because it doesn't come out though. But the fact that the band can still do it, it’s is there. If I think “Well, someday”,  I think I’d be lost. -At this point, the members are making moves with solo activities. K: After all, there are things they can’t do with DIR EN GREY, so I think they are doing it elsewhere. So, when I think about it, in my case, there's nothing I can't do with DIR EN GREY. After all,  even if it is just once, before I die I have to try to make my own album, but what I want to do now can be done with DIR EN GREY. Of course, I also want to know my limits and possibilities, so I'd like to try making a work by myself someday. It's a personal goal. -You could say that this book is the first result of your solo work. K: Yes. It’s a strange way of saying it, but it feels good the first thing I put out by myself was a  book. It’s like really relaxing…..you can do it without putting too much effort.  Of course, this is the first time I've made a book, so I wonder if I should just put what I want to do into it. If this were a about making one album, I would think about various things like "I'm doing this song with DIR, I'm sorry". I don't have that kind of annoyance, and I can do what I want to do within myself. Also,  (expressing myself) in words like this……it's a bit exaggerated to say it in this way, but I think I had a lot of things I wanted to convey in words. I also realized that.

[rubycafee]

( ☂️ ) - ENHYPEN AS NANA CHARACTERS ;

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ jungwon as yasushi takagi ;

yasushi takagi commonly known by his nickname yasu, is the drummer & leader in the punk band, Black Stones. he handles most of the business in the band, he's a very trustworthy and caring person. He is probably the most selfless, mature, and thoughtful person of the main cast. jungwon is the leader of enhypen, he is so caring for his members, and very trustworthy, he won't be the leader if he was not, also jungwon is very mature for his age, he makes good decisions, just like yasu, jungwon's dedicated to bringing people together and doing what’s right, he is also loyal and reliable person who enhypen can depend on, he is the one who keeps enhypen together. yasu is the one who created black stones, he is the one who brought them together, he is the one who led them to popularity as well.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ heeseung as reira serizawa ;

to fans, reira is the archetypal idol: beautiful, charming and possessing a good voice. however, to her circle of friends, she's probably just as well known for being somewhat naive, overwhelmingly friendly, throwing child-like tantrums and making questionable demands. together with naoki fujieda, she's Trapnest's main source of laughter.

heeseung is the ace of enhypen ( in my opinion ), he has both skills and visuals ( all of enhypen to be honest ). just like reira, he has a heavenly voice that make everyone happy, honestly, I could listen to his voice all the day without getting tired of it, he is also the fake maknae of enhypen, as he acts like a child sometimes, he makes us laugh all the time, but he is serious when he needs to be. there's not a single ep of en-o'clock that heeseung didn't make us laugh or smile at least once. heeseung & reira have amazing vocals, both of them are the aces of their groups, and they are really funny.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ jongseong as nana osaki ;

nana may look like a tough goth-punk rocker, but she has a kind heart and is a devoted friend. the first time i've seen jay, i thought this guy looks like the cold and mysterious guy in teen series, he really gave me that impression, but as i kept watching enhypen's vids, I discovered that he was so sweet and gentle, he really cared for his members and he takes good care of them all the time.

despite the hardships that they faced, they never gave up on their dreams, as nana became the lead vocalist of blast and jay making it to the finals of i-land and joing enhypen, the both of them want to make it big enough that the whole world know their names and they are working really hard on it.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ jaeyun as ren honjo ;

ren honjo is an ex-member of Black Stones who is currently a guitarist for Trapnest. ren is relaxed and open about many things; this makes it easy for people to share their secrets with him. in weekly idol, jungwon chose jake as his father, because jake was so understanding and a good listener, he said also that he feel comfortable talking to jake about anything.

though he projects a hard exterior on the outside, ren is quite sensitive and kind-hearted, jake is also very kind and caring, he takes care of his dongsaengs and always play with them, he is always cheering for his members and making them happy by saying the exact words that they want to hear, jake is someone who is cheerful, kind and always happy, whenever I see jake I become happy, jake just give you the positive energy whenever you need it.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ sunghoon as takumi ichinose ;

honestly, sunghoon was the hardest member to find a character who is similar to him.

takumi is is an ambitious, even as a child, he wanted to find something that only he can do and was willing to reach success, we all know that sunghoon before joining enhypen was a figure skater, he started this job at a very early age, he worked so hard on it too.

takumi is workaholic and passionate, he invests himself entirely in what makes him excited and inspired until the fire will burn out, sunghoon also is passionate about excelling in his chosen field which makes sense, given how hard he worked at figure skating and at i-land, whenever sunghoon has his mind set on something, he works really hard on it until he achieve it. both of them are working hard to lead their groups to  success, takumi is working the whole day on writing & producing songs to his group, sunghoon is practicing everyday to make his moves perfect, he doesn't want to hold enhypen back, so he put efforts in anything he does.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ sunoo as nobuo terashima ;

nobu is the guitarist of blast and was the only person able to befriend nana osaki during high school, which coincidentally began their shared love for punk music.

he is friendly and optimistic, sunoo really reminds me of him, both of them are positive & sunshines, they bring positivity wherever they are going and they make everyone smile, they are the vitamins of their groups, everyone do love them, although they get teased a lot. both of them are very hardworking, nobu is constantly working on his guitar skills & producing songs, while sunoo is always trying to make his performances the bests..

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ni-ki as shinichi okazaki ;

these two are the foreigners and the babies of their groups. as much as niki doesn't know about korean culture since he is japanese, shin doesn't know about japanese culture either because he was raised in Sweden. but aside from that, these two really give the same vibe, riki and shin both of them have a competitive nature, they hate losing and they want to win all the time. shin is resilient, can remain cool-headed in the most difficult moments, I think riki will be the least one to freak out in a dangerous situation.

despite his young age and very short training period of just 8 months, riki give us incredible performances that have everyone convinced he’s going to be enhypen’s main dancer, he's very skilled and talented for his age, shin is so good at bass, that people started comparing him with pro bass players despite being only 15. riki & shin are very ambitious for their age, shin wants to defeat ren honjo at playing bass, he wants to be the best bass player, he even started playing it after seeing ren and from that moment he swore that he'll defeat him, as for niki, alongside performing at Tokyo Dome, some more of his dreams include receiving a Billboard Music Award within 10 years and holding a concert as soon as possible after debut.

[prospektsghost]

a little 2doc ficlet i was thinking about and decided to write, i have left tumblr and this blog for a while but this is something i came up with?? my first time writting in english since its not my first language

anywas HBD ya filthy old man

Cold. He always feels cold.

He tries to warm his hands, but he never can, and only assumes that he is trapped with this cold all his life.

"Do you ever regret it? Selling your soul I mean".

He had forgotten that 2D was by his side, somehow 2D... Stuart was always there.

Murdoc thinks about what the singer has just said, but his whole life has been a lot of horrible situations and after selling his soul... well.

He has his band, he has Noodle, who is like a daughter to him

He never imagined himself as a family man, but he had that weakness for her.

Russel! Russel was more like his father, since Noodle was little, Russel had taken more care of her than he had.

But she turned out to be... more like him.

Just like him.

What a role model he was.

And then there was 2D, dents, faceache, "D", Stu.

Stuart

He takes a long drag on his cigarette.

"No".

He finally responds after thinking about it for a long time, and realizes that his cigarette had been consumed, he clicks his tongue.

2D approaches him and Murdoc has to look up to see the expression on the keyboard player's face.

"You can have mine."

He says and goes closer to give him the cigarette, the blue-haired man has a smile on his face and Murdoc remembers how 2D is always at his disposal, he watches the boy ... no. The middle-aged man he sees in front of him, and for once in his life, really reads the expression on his companion's face.

And he doesn't like it.

But… he takes the offered object anyway.

"Got a light? left mine inside the house" he asks, raising the cigar to his lips.

"Sure"

2D takes the lighter out of his jacket bag, and as soon as he reaches for his hand to light the cigarette that is now between the bassist's lips, he feels the difference in temperatures between his hands when they have contact due to the proximity.

"Murdoc, you're freezing," he says as he lights the cigarette. "Why don't we go in with the others?"

After the cigarette is lit, Murdoc quietly mutters a "thank you" so slowly that he has 2D thinking about if he had imagined it, but as soon as he listens to the younger’s suggestion, his expression changes and after taking another drag he responds.

"No, no. I'm fine here. You go if you want" Murdoc pats him on the shoulder, but 2D is a stubborn son of...

"Come on, there must still be pizza in the fridge..." 2D persuades, grabbing his wrist and walking towards the entrance of the house, and at that the bass player tries to get away.

"Oi, no!" He makes a sharp pull that gets the singer to release him, but then he does not know if the pull or 2D's face hurts more when he turns to see him.

"Ok Mudz," says the boy, Murdoc will never stop seeing him as such, he realizes. As if they were still in old Kong. "I'll go".

2D stays until he nods, and turns to go inside the warm interior of the house.

Murdoc should be with them, he would like to but ... he still hasn't allowed himself to forget what he'd done to them.

He thinks about 2D's question before.

"Do you ever regret it?"

All the time.

He stays outside, in the cold, that he thinks is a representation of his whole being, since he was a child he has been cold, Sebastian never took good care of them, they had a house, yes, but this fell from dirt and debris, they had no food, the money was spent by his father on drugs and alcohol and Murdoc could not even protect himself from the cold that always entered through the window of his room.

And he realizes that he has become like his dad.

The front door opens and the sound frightens him a bit, loud noises always remind him of the old Niccals home despite all these years, causing Murdoc to drop the cigarette in the snow and it instantly goes out.

“Russel told me that if you were going to be here outside the path of a jacket, but all the ones you have in your room are made of leather and I don't think they are very good at working against the cold Murdoc…”

2D begins to ramble on and Murdoc no longer hears what he's saying why he suddenly feels warm, and not just because of the jacket the singer puts on his shoulders and smells like butter sugar candy.

“... so you can have mine”.

Unconsciously he smells 2D’s scent that now surrounds him, completely changing his, which he had inadvertently tried to replicate from his father.

2D fixes the jacket and smiles when Murdoc decides to put it on precisely.

“Shut up”.

2D's smile widens.

“I didn’t say anything”

Murdoc is surprised when 2D helps him to raise the zipper and looks at the singer, who now is watching him too, but he has to bow his head to do it and despite the calm face of the minor, Murdoc feels anger.

He doesn't like them to see from a higher place than him.

And 2D was that, taller, more handsome, his voice sounded like an angel's, talented, but he was stupid as shit.

Yes, and whose fault is it?

He feels his hands that had been at his side being taken, and 2D rubs them with his own, completely changing his line of thought.

"You're still cold," he says, and Murdoc doesn't process what Stuart wants to do and stops him when he brings his hands together to his mouth to blow warm breath against them.

Murdoc jerks them away, but 2D holds them tight against his so that Murdoc won't do something like... hit him.

"W-what the hell ...?!

“Murdoc …”

2D still doesn't let go of his hands and Murdoc gets tired of fighting, he's old now, too old.

And he's tired, tired of not enjoying himself and always running away from the things that make him feel good.

Of the things that make him feel loved.

2D's hands release his and Murdoc misses the contact immediately.

“How can you be so tender with me when I …”

“I do not know.”

He doesn't know? He doesn’t know?!

“I don't know why I put up with you” although his tone is calm, Murdoc knows that he's half joking half telling the truth.

Murdoc thinks that the minor has reconsidered and thought about how all these years he has made his life impossible, why he is insane, Murdoc is obsessed with him.

Stuart can no longer see Murdoc's face, since at his confession the older man has lowered his head, avoiding his gaze.

He looks ... vulnerable.

Like every night, when Murdoc no longer had to put on a show in front of everyone, he drank all his worries and he was there for him, Murdoc an open book of all bad decisions and violent childhood before him.

Like in Plastic Beach.

Stuart doesn't remember Plastic Beach with much appreciation, but he had seen the real Murdoc there.

He gets closer to the dark-haired man, who keeps his head down, thinking about how brilliant he is, how he used to admire him and although he doesn't really tell him how he feels, his songs are the ones that speak for him.

He has tried to change, but in the meantime he is also moving away from them.

He knows that Murdoc is sick, he is twisted inside, his father and brother may be the cause of that, because he is also afraid of being abandoned.

But they are not like the Niccals.

He will not abandon you.

"You are very complicated for me," he grabs the elder's hips, and Murdoc does not fight when he approaches him slowly. “But I am a renegade when it comes to you”.

Murdoc opens his eyes, remembering the song Stuart is quoting.

He had been in jail when “the now now” ... 2D creation came out, but when he escaped and traveled with them again, the giant screen with his face behind him had stunned him.

“Why do you look so beautiful when you are so sad?”

"Stuart..." Murdoc says with a warning tone, but he has used his real name, the one he always uses when he is serious and neither has he moved away from him or pushed him away.

Then Stuart continues humming the song, but now crouched so that he can whisper it in the brunette's ear and he feels how he shudders to hear his voice so close.

And he knows what his voice produces for Murdoc, he has always been in love with his voice.

When he feels the bassist lay his head on his shoulder, he smiles.

“Stuart, I'm not cold anymore”.

2D laughs, knows what that means and better walks away from him, Murdoc needs his space right now, but maintains a grip on the eldest forearms.

He doesn't know what causes him to say his real name, but he and Murdoc have known each other for years, long before Russel and Noodle.

Murdoc knows him too well and knows what contact is for Stuart.

He is interrupted from staring at the man in front of him when the door opens for the umpteenth time that night and Stu does not miss the way he shudders at the noise.

"If a couple of addicts don't come in, you'll catch a cold and I'm not going to take care of you!" Russel leans out and the two can see Noodle behind him, chuckling and gesturing for them to come in and the drummer wouldn’t get angry at them for staying outside.

Stuart turns his head to look at Murdoc, who is still looking at the door where the others went, but is smiling and his face looks calmer compared to earlier.

But he comes to his senses and when he notices 2D's hands on his forearms and the way he's looking at him, his throat clears.

"L-let's go before he gets all… you know" Murdoc makes some gestures with his hands and Stuart smiles.

Cute. I would never describe a person like Murdoc that way, but when the man grabs part of his sleeve to pull him in, that's what he thinks.

[livingmybestfictionallife]

Live Wire --The Dirt-- 16

This is part 1 of the US Festival and mostly told in Nikki’s perspective. Next part will be a direct continuation of this chapter.

Doc and Doug has brought Wren along to each meeting they attended that planned Motley Crue’s involvement with the US Festival in the winter of 1982 and the spring of 1983, and they couldn’t deny the woman had a surprising knack for entertainment management. They’d known she would be an asset to them when it came to being a voice of reason to the twenty-something-year-old band of buffoons Motley Crue tended to be, but they didn’t suspect her to be an asset on the more professional and managerial aspect of her role. After how she’d handled herself upon meeting them at the Rainbow, they shouldn’t have underestimated her, but it was the 1980s and she was a twenty-year-old girl who happened to stumble across one of the next biggest bands to hit LA. They treated her as their acquaintance’s great-niece whom they presumed was a groupie for this band, but damn did they get a wakeup call afterwards.

First of all, Nikki and Tommy refused to accept any assistance from Doc or Doug without the stipulation that they became additions to Wren and not replacements, and Mick and Vince were quick to back up their bass player and drummer. Second, it seemed that when it came to booking local gigs, Wren had always beaten the pair to the punch; in fact, a lot of the calls Doc and Doug made to venues asking to get the band booked were responded with “Yeah, Ledden called up and scheduled a couple weekend shows about two weeks ago. You guys looking to book more than that?” At first it was frustrating to be one-upped by a newbie to the scene, but then they realized that Motley Crue were the newbies to the Strip and were taking it by storm. Why would the person who they had as their initial—and for the longest time only—manager be any different than they were?

However, booking the US Festival had more to do with Doc’s history with the Scorpions than Wren’s determination. Apparently, Doc and Mikkey Dee had remained in touch after changing management, and Mikkey had shared the fact that the producers of the event were searching for another act for Heavy Metal Day. However, just because she hadn’t booked the gig before Doc or Doug didn’t mean they weren’t going to include her in the planning process. Time and time again she impressed them to the point they forgot she was hardly any older than the youngest members of the band.

Nikki bit the inside of his lip as he watched the morning sun kiss Wren’s skin from where he stood at a distance. A soft breeze dusted the earth as the band wandered the festival grounds, preparing for what would be one of their biggest breaks in the United States. He’d lingered behind and paced slowly alongside Mick as Wren and Tommy hurried ahead with Vince to explore their surroundings. Nikki had known Wren for two years now, and had seen her in a number of different lights: strong, defiant, independent, vulnerable, scared, and sorrowful, but one of his favorites was her genuine excitement towards things. Even though he stood a few feet behind her, he knew her face would be beaming under the sunglasses she’d stolen from him that morning on the way to the event. Her cheeks would be full with delight as her intoxicating smile fell over her lips. Her movements were energetic as she and Tommy noticed her the stage the band would share that day with the greats that had paved the way for them. With jubilance in her steps, Wren nearly dragged Tommy by the arm as she ran towards the stage. With a leap, Wren heaved herself up onto the stage with her best friend on her heels. Together, they stood arm in arm, and gazed out at the vast grounds before them that would soon be filled with eager fans throwing themselves around to the newest songs she and Nikki had written.

Nikki couldn’t help himself as he stared up at the woman he’d slowly begun to—no, it’s too early for that, Sixx. He knew a smile was rising to his face as he looked up at Tommy and Wren. Without a second thought, he grabbed the polaroid camera Wren had asked him to hold for her, pointed the lens at his two closest friends as Tommy put his arm around Wren’s shoulders and pointed out across the grounds. There was something about capturing them in such a pure moment in their friendship that made the smile on Nikki’s face grow only to fall. Seeing them together, forever frozen in that moment as the image began to appear on the photograph before him, Nikki couldn’t help but disdain how Tommy was blessed with the luxury of being able to act however he wants around Wren with no consequences from Doc or Doug. Nikki already wasn’t the biggest fan of having the pair of new managers, and he was convinced that if they knew he was dating Wren, they would treat her less like one of their equals and more like a groupie.

Fuck, he cursed himself as he thought back to how Wren was initially treated when the band was still in its infancy. No one took her seriously, she had to fight her way to the top of waiting lists just to talk to someone to get them booked in a shitty dive bar because they assumed she was just some groupie trying to find out where Motley Crue was playing and not their fucking manager trying to book a show. He didn’t want her to back peddle on the name she’d made for herself as Motley Crue’s manager, but having two other people assigned the same title seemed, at least to Nikki, like a slap in the face to Wren’s success over the past two years.

I’m going to be the reason she doesn’t succeed. The harrowing thought crossed Nikki’s mind without warning as he stared at the photo before him of Wren and Tommy, excitedly gaping about what was both literally and figuratively on the horizon. The single moment he’d captured in time of two friends who meant the world to one another brought up the ugly feelings of jealousy he used to harbor upon realizing he would never have as much history with Wren as Tommy, Mick, or even Vince did. Nikki tried to push those feelings down as he noticed Wren jump down from the stage, rush up to him, pull the camera from his neck and give it to Tommy.

“Let’s get a picture Nikki,” she said once she returned to his side. As he shoved the intrusive thought from his mind, it seemed to manifest in his heart. He slipped and arm around her waist, but the pair didn’t move any closer than where they currently stood, and Nikki knew that if any stranger compared the two photos, they would assume Tommy was the one dating Wren…not him.

As Tommy clicked the button and handed the camera back to Wren, the picture began to print. Before Wren could examine the photo, Nikki had snatched it from where it was printing and had begun to shake it above his head. “You’re going to ruin it,” she huffed as she lowered the camera’s lanyard around her neck and folded her arms over her chest as her eyes narrowed on her boyfriend.

“Shaking it helps the ink dry faster,” Nikki stated so matter-of-factly that had Wren not read the instruction manual of her camera, she would have believed him. She rolled her eyes and huffed at his observation before speaking again.

“Shaking it damages the image, you arrogant know-it-all,” she muttered with a smirk on her lips. Nikki wanted to make her come after him to retrieve the photo, but he knew there were eyes on them: more specifically, the eyes of the two people they hired to be equals with Wren, but whom he believed were trying to become her bosses. Slowly, he extended the photo back to her and felt his heart sink once more that morning as she plucked the picture from his fingers.

“Whatever you say, babe,” Nikki sighed under his breath as Doug approached where the trio stood.

“Getting a lay of the land I see,” he commented to the group without really looking any of them in the eye. This—standing alone in and desolate field merely hours before it would become teeming with life and excitement—was nothing new to Doug. He’d been in bigger places with bigger bands, and he would be lying if he tried to say he could still remember how exhilarating the newness of everything was. To Doc and Doug, the scene was like any relationship—after the honeymoon phase is over, it’s all the same shit. Hell, they’d been in the game so long they hardly even associated with anyone afflicted by the honeymoon phase of stardom anymore. “You guys are on at 5 tonight. Don’t do anything too stupid beforehand and don’t fucking break yourselves! If a bone splits and you can’t play all of us are fucking S.O.L.” Wren furrowed her eyebrows at Doug’s way of warning the guys not to be a couple of dumbasses, but didn’t bother to interrupt. “You’re going on after Quiet Riot and are going to be followed up by Ozzy Osbourne.”

“No fucking way! We’re opening for Ozzy?” Tommy asked as he folded his arms across Wren’s shoulders and leveraged his weight against hers.

“Yeah, and after him is Judas Priest, followed by Triumph, the Scorpions, and then Van Halen,” Doug explained before he lost Tommy’s attention. “The gates open at 3 so sound check is going to be around 11 for you guys.”

“Don’t start getting into costume until around 3:45 or 4. It’s supposed to be hot and all that leather is going to be a pain in the ass for you guys to sit in for longer than necessary,” Wren interjected as Doug continued his spiel.

“Doc is talking with Mick and Vince right now. We’re going to need all four of you in trailer two by 10:30 and then again at 3:30. Do you mind wrangling them up for that, Wren?” Doug asked and turned to the woman who was currently being used by the lanky drummer as something to rest his head on.

“No problem. I can get them started on hair and makeup then,” Wren responded as she watched the corners of Nikki’s mouth tighten as he pulled back his lips and attempted to hold his tongue.

“Thanks. Doc and I will be a little tied up by then. Do they have a set list made up yet?” Doug continued as he paid no attention to the tension building in Nikki’s body.

“Yeah, Nikki wrote one up,” she said as she dug into her back pocket to find the piece of notebook paper he’d slipped into her denim shorts that morning. She blushed at the memory of a rather groggy Nikki, still half asleep, leaving his room just to come into the kitchen where Wren was making herself some Eggo waffles for breakfast. He stood behind her, slipped his arms around her waist, and held onto her as if she were the only thing keeping him on his feet. After muttering a few obscenities about how early they all had to get up to drive to San Bernardino, his hands fell on her waist once more as he dragged himself away from being plastered to her back, and slid a piece of paper into her back pocket before giving her ass a nice squeeze.

“Great, I’ll can get this to the sound engineers. Stay with them and make sure they don’t fuck this up,” Doug said with a sly smirk on his face as he turned away from the three founding members of the Crue.

“She’s not a glorified babysitter!” Nikki spat back before Doug was out of earshot.

“Dude!” Tommy hissed under his breath as he back handed Nikki in the chest. “Do you really want to lose the people who got us this far?”

“They didn’t get us this far, Tommy. They got us this gig. Wren got us everything else, we put ourselves on the map, and now they’re swooping in like vultures, trying to take credit for Motley’s success.” Wren could feel the anger pouring from Nikki’s words, and as much as she wanted to help calm him down, she couldn’t believe the reason he was harboring so much resentment towards Doc and Doug.

“Calm down, Nikki. It’s okay,” she tried to say only for Tommy to speak over her.

“Just chill out, dude. They’re not the bad guys here.”

“What? I can’t correct him in his assumption of what her fucking job is?” Nikki scoffed as he took in Tommy’s wary expression and Wren’s confusion.

“Look, if it bothers me enough, I’ll correct them, okay?” Nikki knew she only meant that she could handle herself, but his mind was on edge. He’d felt an immense amount of bitterness, shame, and guilt for a number of different reasons, all of which he did not want to talk about with Wren because…well because he knew he was being erratic and that her decision on the matter was the best decision to make.

“Of course, you can. I almost forgot I’d learned that lesson the hard way.” Nikki couldn’t keep himself from adding that unnecessary comment, but he certainly hoped he’d said it soft enough for neither Tommy or Wren to hear.

“On that note, I’m going to go check on Mick and Vince,” Wren announced as the smile that had occupied her face fell into a scowl at Nikki’s words. Tommy waited until Wren was well out of their range before he punched Nikki in the arm.

“Ow! What the fuck, man?”

“I should ask you the same thing!” Tommy hissed as he pointed in the direction Wren had walked. “What the hell was that?”

“What the hell was what?” Nikki asked as he rubbed off the punch he had received and glared into Tommy’s dark, furiously swirling eyes.

“Are you two fighting?” Nikki could hear the obvious change in Tommy’s voice as the abrasive and accusing tone shifted into that of concern. Taking Nikki’s silence as a confirmation, Tommy continued. “She’s been so happy, recently. When did you start fighting?”

“We’re not fighting,” Nikki said through somewhat gritted teeth.

“Well, that sounds like something a person in a happy relationship would say. You’ve got me convinced,” Tommy sneered as he folded his arms over his chest and glared at Nikki. With his impatience growing, Nikki found a portion of the walls he’s built up around himself begin to crumble—not enough to let someone in, but just enough for a six-foot-four-inch-tall drummer to look over and see what was happening on the inside.

“I didn’t want her to be a groupie.” Nikki sighed in defeat as he balled his right hand into a fist.

“She’s not a groupie,” Tommy quickly denied.

“I know that, and you know that, but Doc and Doug won’t believe it and neither would anyone else we come across who should look at her as the professional she is with this band. They’re just going to see Wren and think, ‘Oh, it’s the girl that fucks around with Motley Crue,’ but she’s so much fucking more than that.”

“She doesn’t fuck around with Motley Crue. She fucks around with you, making her a you-ie, not a groupie.” Tommy tried to chuckle a little to lighten Nikki’s mood, but he didn’t seem to know the best ways to reassure Nikki, at least not in the ways that Wren did.

“I just don’t want to be the reason she isn’t taken seriously. I don’t want to feel like I’m holding her back.” As Nikki vocalized his concerns, Tommy couldn’t help but laugh.

“Sorry dude, but Wren’s a tornado. Once she’s on a path, there’s not much that can stop her. I mean, I’ve never tried to lasso a tornado, but I would assume it would be easier than holding Wren back from doing what she’s set her mind to. Besides that, Wren is always going to make sure she’s taken seriously, regardless of her connections to anyone. Fuck, I’m her best friend! The most non-serious human being to attend a high school was best friends with the girl who was valedictorian and had her associate’s degree before she got her high school diploma! No one who knows Wren doubts her, and no one who doubts her matters.”

“Then why the fuck do I feel so shitty about what would happen to her if Doc and Doug knew she was with me?”

“Maybe the reason you feel like shit and are concerned about damaging any reputation she has with the new managers is because you love her.” The second that word—the ‘L’ word Nikki hadn’t used to describe anyone other than his grandparents—left Tommy’s mouth, Nikki’s stomach sank and he contemplated throwing up on Tommy’s shoes for suggesting such a thing. Love? No. Love was something people spend their lives looking for and end up settling for something similar—some other type of connection that feels like what they assume love is. Love isn’t something that walks into a men’s room from an alley, mouths off to you, and steals your liquor. Love isn't something that happens to you after getting punched in the face. It doesn't walk up to your booth in a diner dressed in leather. Love doesn't have an intoxicating smile. It isn't when someone gets you riled up for the sake of being able to. It’s not the reason people steal music for someone else, or the catalyst behind one’s anger after someone else is harmed. It’s not the sharing of pain from one soul to another, or the safety of home a person finds in another person. Love doesn't just wander into your life at twenty-three-years-old, burrow inside your chest, and then decides to wake up from its nap two years later. Is it?

[bumbershots]

SUCK IT AND SEE

Author’s note: HELLO! This is my (very very late) part for the amazing Playlist fic challenge that @harrystylescherry put together. The song I chose is Suck it and see by the Arctic Monkeys. I had it ready back in April but I didn’t love it to be honest, but I do now, so hopefully you will too. In all honesty I loved it a little bit too much so this can be taken as the prologue for a new series, I will be posting the details for it next week :) enjoy!

Summary: Harry reflects on his decision to “Suck it and see” when it comes to his relationship with Selena. He decides that no matter how things turn out… good or bad it's worth the experience and gives him the opportunity to always be the person she needs him to be.

Word count: 2.3K

Trigger warning: mention of depression.

The Wellington is slowly filling up, Harry is done tuning his guitar, his eyes quickly scan the usual clientele. A sigh escapes his lips before he takes another sip of the pint he ordered. He needs to calm down.

It’s a quiet Tuesday night, so the usual elderly gentlemen and a few students occupy the place eating fish and chips and drinking as they argue about football, their families or their jobs. Harry sits by the small stage that is set across the bar, fiddling with the strings of his favourite instrument.

The door has opened at least seventy times, and every single one of them has the nineteen year old craning his neck to see if it’s Selena. But his stomach clenches after finding out, once more, that it’s not her.

“Mate it’s half past ten,” he hears Sarah’s voice from behind and he sighs again before nodding in acceptance and defeat.

“Let’s do it then.” Harry rises and stands close to his assigned microphone while the other two band members also join them in the small platform.

After a year of playing in the most shitty and not so shitty places all over London, the band was offered a chance at a small record company. Tonight was the last show they performed at this place, soon they would be chasing bigger venues and dreams.

With that in mind the bass player, Yuri, steps up to his own microphone to speak. “It’s time for some music.” His sweet voice claims the regulars attention, just as Sarah counts to four hitting her drumsticks together and Mitch plays the opening chord for the first song of the night.

Three years ago, when the band was just a thought drifting around Harry’s mind, he would daydream about this moment, the last show because they’ve finally made it. Their usual fans would gather near the stage for a better glimpse and sing along the familiar tunes. He would finally master a solo and when it was all over, his eyes would meet a pair of familiar ones watching from the bar, she would be equally smiley, a proud look on her face as she claps and cheers louder than anyone.

In the last two months, that mental image has permanently settled on his brain. Harry Styles wanted success for his band more than anything, but not more than seeing her at the end of it all. Which is why after the set comes to an end, he refuses to look up. He knows she’s not there.

Had she come in at some point during their performance, he would’ve noticed, even with all the ruckus done by the now considerable crowd in the pub. If Selena had set foot on the place, Harry would’ve known.

“Thank you for everything, you’ve been amazing tonight and every night before,” Yuri‘s words pull him back from the trance, but he keeps his gaze away from the bar, he settles for the back of the bass player’s head as he speaks for the last time. “This isn’t the last you hear from The Cherry Blossoms!”

There’s a lot of cheering and applause and Harry is suddenly mad about not finding it satisfying enough. He knows he will hate himself for it, but before walking off the stage, he looks over at the bar.

She’s not perched on a stool like the first time they played in here, sipping on some soda because of her lack of tolerance to alcohol. She’s not skipping over to hug him. Where is she? Harry wonders what could possibly be more important than this.

I will be there of course. I’m your biggest fan, after all. She so smugly declared on their last phone call, a week ago.

The urge to call her is too much, but Harry knows that if for some reason, she doesn’t pick up the phone. He will finally lose it. Instead he joins his band mates for a celebratory drink.

Listening to Yuri gush about Sarah’s drumming and complimenting Mitch on his skills as well, lifts Harry’s spirits a bit. If only for the next hour, he’s going to enjoy and bask into their triumph. And he’s so sure that there’s a perfect explanation for her absence, that he does end up having a good time. He ignores the heavy feeling in his chest, a reminder of the power that girl holds on him.

◇

A sleepy Selena Lara mumbles nonsense, slowly waking up and becoming aware of an annoying ringtone blasting through the small flat, it stops for a minute until it goes off again and now she definitely knows the mobile belongs to her.

“Hello,” she greets so earnestly, despite the sleepy rasp in her voice, that Harry can perfectly picture the slow process that is her waking up.

He hears some rustling on her end and it plays like a movie before his eyes. The way she sits up, rubs her eyes and keeps them closed for about five minutes. Harry always gets out of bed before her, and it’s always him watching —watching her come awake, little by little, slow but sure. Harry wishes to be a witness of it more often, everyday if possible. Even if sometimes Selena takes a really long shower, or if some days she only mumbles some words before snuggling herself onto the sofa and falling right back asleep. Harry doesn’t mind, never will.

But he ignores the warm feeling he gets just by thinking about her.

“Where were you last night?” he says instead.

“What?”

“Last night, when the band played its last gig at The Wellington. You didn’t attend.”

“You thought I was going to be there?” Selena flops back onto her side, taking the duvet with her until she’s cocooned once again. “Harry I love you, but you know I couldn’t possibly afford a flight back home.”

“Why?”

She sighs, this conversation was bound to take place between them at some point. “The program at Bunka is… intense, to say the least. I almost failed a class so there is not a chance for a scholarship, I need to find another job if I want to be able to pay for tuition.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” They both know why. If Harry had known that she wouldn’t be there, he would have refused to even set foot at the pub.

“I was embarrassed.” Selena admits with a light shrug she knows he can’t see. “I know I don’t have a valid reason to be, I have proper housing, food, and a job. But I just feel so frustrated at this school.” She mumbles something at the end that he can’t understand, but it sounds a lot like her doubting her own talent.

After eight years of friendship, Harry knows pretty much everything about Selena and vice versa. They trust each other, with all they have. Which is why he’s hurt after hearing about this just now.

“How long have you felt this way?” He asks, not sure if the answer is something he will like.

“About four months.”

The silence that follows is deafening. Harry considers the merits of lecturing Selena, but he would never kick her when she’s down. Also he’s aware that Selena knows she should trust him with things like that, they’ve never been too shy to share their feelings with each other. It’s what brought them into this situation anyway.

It started two years ago, the last summer Selena spent in England, right before she moved to Japan and studied fashion design. It started with them going to that party, separating as usual, agreeing on a reasonable hour to meet at the door and leave together. It started with Selena wearing a skirt that made Harry want to do all kinds of things for her. It started with Harry offering to leave earlier and placing his hand on the small of her back all the way back home. It started with Selena kissing him in the dark and instead of a beginning it felt a lot like crossing the finish line of a marathon.

It kept going even after that summer, because Harry insisted on calling her all sorts of pet names and giving her kisses on the cab ride to the airport. It kept going because Selena got a Skype account and sent Harry an invite. And it is surprising to anyone and no one really that it lasted two years already.

The only problem is that they hadn’t talked about it. The I love you Harry whispered after that first night together and the I knew it! Selena triumphantly acclaimed before bursting out one of her unattractive laughs. To this day remains the only talk they had, Harry doesn’t know what to make of it.

“Shit,” Selena mumbles after checking the time, “I have to get ready for work.” She wants to say something to appease him, anything. Harry is waiting for the words to come out of her pretty mouth.

Selena is good with words, knows a lot of them in English, Spanish, French and Japanese. She was popular for speaking up against unfairness at school, and was running a monthly column at an online magazine. But she doesn’t have any right now. Selena doesn’t want to tell him how much she hates the program, how stupid it makes her feel, how she longs for the day she can finally be done and never look back on it. Selena doesn’t complain. She doesn’t get frustrated. She doesn’t quit. Ever.

“But we’ll Skype tomorrow, alright?” It’s better than nothing so Harry takes it.

“Of course, have a good day baby.”

Selena ends the call and groans. She doesn’t want to overthink about her relationship Harry, it’s the only good thing she has right now. With a shake of her head and a proper stretch of her limbs, she gets out of bed.

But it occurs to her in the middle of a three hour lecture, that she might have been cruel with Harry. He asked if she would attend the gig and she said yes, as if there weren’t thousands of kilometres between them. She knows he will never talk about this, and that she was already forgiven by him. She thinks about the fees his mobile carrier is charging him with all those calls he makes every week. She feels bad about not being able to love him the way he needs to be loved.

Because when it all started she never thought of it lasting past that summer when they made promises hard to keep. But Harry, always kind and attentive Harry, didn’t let her slip away. He gave her space to recharge when she needed it and she always came back feeling guilty about it, because she always enjoys the time apart. He always sent a care package at the beginning of the month with her favourite sweets. He praised all of her designs, no matter how much she insisted they were not even that good. You know nothing about fashion he would say with a roll of his eyes and Selena would smile, forever fond of his antics, forever fond of him and him alone.

It occurred to Selena that she always sort of had a crush on Harry —a crush everyone knew about. But even that didn’t stop her from being cruel to Harry, even that wouldn’t force her to answer his Skype call the next day or the one after that. She remembers how Harry claimed to be the more infatuated one with whatever they were doing. One of their last nights together, he couldn’t keep his mouth shut and breathed against the crook of her neck just how many times he’d dreamt about being with her like that.

Selena warned him, knowing that train of thought might lead to a conversation she didn’t want to have, not then. But he laughed and his hot breath against her skin made her dizzy. Sorry, but you’ve got such a pretty face I’m sure it’s going to break me a little. What else is there?

What else is there, Selena thinks now, as she closes her laptop after ignoring all of Harry’s Skype calls. She turns off her phone too, because she knows his MO well enough and that is his next resource. It’s the first time she does it and it feels cruel again. She wonders how much more of this will Harry endure, how long until he stops trying to reach her and finally realises that it’s not worth it. That she doesn’t want him to comfort her, that she is not going to talk about how tired of everything in her life she is. Selena can’t give up, not after everything her family is expecting her to achieve.

But she doesn’t know just how much Harry truly feels about her, how much he longs for her to know that the way she has of caring for him is enough and he will take it, will always take anything if it’s coming from her.

Harry knows that being apart is hard, so he always tries extra hard to communicate, be patient and endure. But having to sit alone at his flat, unable to do a single thing, a single damn thing for Selena, that is something he refuses to keep doing. Having to watch from half the world away, knowing he can’t do a single thing about it. That is enough to break Harry Styles. Without a second thought he opens his laptop once again, this time to search for the next flight to Japan.

He’s a fool, for spending so much money on a flight to see how his friend with benefits is doing. And suddenly he remembers all the times Selena’s been trying not to break his heart. But he can’t help wanting to be there for her, maybe after this, they will finally have that conversation. Nothing is certain as Harry packs a small luggage, nothing really is when it comes to her.

As he boards the aeroplane a day later though, the pressure on his chest disappears. Whatever happens now can’t be a bad thing, not when he’s seeing Selena anyway.

[hoekaashi]

3 am Talks - hq pt 3

a/n: almost done, two more left!! i’m not sure why, but these ones were really fun for me to do and i had to cut myself off before i wrote whole fics for each one. also thank you to my wifey for helping me with akaashi, idk why his was so hard for me to do ): pairings: bokuto x reader, akaashi x reader, ushijima x reader, tendou x reader, semi x reader warnings: some spoilers for post timeskip, minor cussing, a bit suggestive (ushi) taglist: @babydabi​, @suckersuki​, @bakugoustanaccount​, @animoozies​ part 2 | part 4

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

⇾ definitely someone who talks about the first things that just pop into his mind ⇾ would literally change topics in the middle of his sentence ⇾ “did you see my last spread, I was centerfold Tsum-Tsum was not happy but when I offered to trade places with him, it made him even more mad - I just got an email saying my new knee pads have been shipped YES - babe are you hungry? Let’s go to the convenience store and get some snacks” ⇾ all over the place ⇾ but the second sleep starts to hit him, he become even softer than he already is ⇾ this baby would def be asking for validation without outright asking for it - we all know he lives to be praised but as he gets older, he stops asking for it directly ⇾ i feel like he just becomes more self-conscious after he realizes that being on a national team means that now the entire WORLD is scrutinizing him ⇾ i could keep going on about him imma stop

“I couldn’t help it, I started laughing.” Even hours later, Bokuto was trying to hold in laughter from the memory of the event. “I think that’s why he’s mad at you Kou.” Bokuto pouted. “I offered to help him up.” “Yeah, but you were also red from laughing so hard and wiping the tears from your eyes. I don’t think he appreciated that.” Bokuto got quiet and you knew what that meant. “But at the end of the day, the pictures came out amazing. You look amazing.” His smile, although soft compared to his usual grin, came back. “You think so?” You hummed. “If volleyball doesn’t work out, you could be a model. I already know one of my friends has a shrine dedicated to you. Which honestly feels weird, but hey, if it’s harmless why should I care?” you said, going off on a tangent. Bokuto brushed off the compliment that normally would’ve stroked his ego. “Nah, I don’t think I could handle the pressure.” You cocked an eyebrow. “People constantly judging you and criticizing you. You know me, I thrive with praise and…” “Become emo with criticism?” He let out a dry chuckle. “Yeah. I’m trying to change.” You reached over and caressed his cheek. “There’s a difference between growing up and mellowing out and changing who you are. You’ve done the growing up part and you’re slowly mellowing out as much as you can. But please don’t change.” “But people keep saying -” “Forget what they say. I love you the way you are now.” Bokuto’s full grin returned to his face. “I love you more.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ more of a listener he learned his ways from babysitting bo ⇾ he would just enjoy listening to whatever you had on your mind ⇾ one to add his own commentary and thoughts to whatever you were saying ⇾ if he were to talk though, he would reminisce  ⇾ talks of bokuto and his old team, things he misses ⇾ but speaking of bokuto, he would go off on how proud he is seeing his former ace doing so well for himself now - even if he still isn’t a normal player ⇾ depending on how open he’s feeling, he might even wander into his insecurities and childhood, things he doesn’t really open up about unless he feels really close to you

“And then I booked it out of there,” you finished your story. Akaashi hummed. “What about the other girl who was still working?” “Look, she never sticks around to help me when I have extra work, I wasn’t going to stick around to help her.” He cracked a smile at your pettiness. “Wait, didn’t you have lunch with Bokuto today?” “Yes. It was nice.” You waited a moment thinking that Akaashi would add more. “That’s it? It was nice?” “Well, you know how he is. But it was nice to see him trying to change himself. Well, improve himself.” You rolled over from your back onto his chest and reached up to play with his hair. “We talked a lot about playing during high school and what the others are doing these days. Everyone is so busy now, it’s hard to keep up. I’m proud of them.” You didn’t let the smile on Akaashi’s face go unnoticed, commenting on how it always seemed to be there whenever he talked about his former ace. “Leave me alone, I’m happy with how far he’s come on his own. I can’t but smile when I think about the people I love.” “Do you smile when you think about me?” “Of course I do, you idiot,” he replied before kissing your forehead.

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ i very strongly believe he would talk about parallel universes ⇾ he would go into the existence of them but also like ‘what if there was a way for people in a parallel universe who could watch me as if my life was a movie’ ⇾ if he was in a more serious mood, like if he had a big match coming up or sum, he would talk more about his goals ⇾ the things he hopes to accomplish in the future, the outcomes he wants in life ⇾ if he was tired, it would be more like akaashi - more listening, less talking ⇾ i feel like he would always want to know what’s happening in your mind so he would ask you the most random questions or just want to listen to you talk as he drifts off to sleep

“Do you think they saw me when I tripped over Leo and dropped the dishes?” You remembered when he tripped over the cat the two of you were raising and ended up breaking a few plates. As annoyed as you were that the plates you like broke, it gave you a reason to go domestic shopping with your boyfriend. You sighed. “No Toshi. If they were watching you, it would be when you’re playing volleyball or taking a shower.” “But you’re in the shower with me sometimes. You think they saw what we were doing?” “If they did,” you started with your eyebrows raised, “I hope they enjoy it as much I do.” He chuckled. “Why when I’m playing volleyball?” “Because that’s your job now. What else would they watch you do? Play with Leo?” He didn’t reply as he looked down to the cat in his lap. Petting it, the two of you sat in silence for a while. You finally thought he dropped the topic as you started to drift to sleep. “I wonder if the people watching like me. Or what if they think I’m the villain?” You sat up in bed. “Why would you think you would be a villain in a show about volleyball?” “I don’t know. I could be a side character that no one likes.” His voice got quieter the more he talked. “Aw, Toshi. I’m sure you have many, many fans in this parallel universe who all wish to be dating you. You never intentionally hurt anyone. You tried, in your own way, to work with Oikawa, but it’s not like you sabotaged him or anything.” He nodded. “He should’ve come to Shiratorizawa. We could’ve been that impressive first year duo instead of Hinata and Kageyama.” You rubbed his shoulder. “I know, baby. You remind me of that at least once a month.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ he would get deep ⇾ talks about his childhood where he was bullied to where he is now ⇾ while he has his insecurities, he would still be very proud of himself and how far he’s come and everything he accomplished ⇾ on the topic of being proud, he would never pass up the opportunity to talk up his bff ushi and he would hype him up even though it’s just the two of you ⇾ he wouldn’t forget about the other third years aka his other ‘best friends’ (i use quotes bc he only has eyes for ushi lezbehonest) ⇾ the talk would shift over to you and how lucky he feels to have found you ⇾ half of the things he would say would just to get you all embarrassed and shy so he could tease you about it

You woke up an hour ago because when you went to snuggle with your boyfriend, his body was missing from bed. For the last hour, he talked to you about how much he’s grown over the years, not once stopping to let you say anything. You finally had enough of this monologue. “Satori, how much more can you possibly say? It’s been a whole ass hour. Get your ass to bed so I can snuggle with you and lemme sleep.” Sighing, he walked away from the window where he was using the light from the moon to set the mood of his speech. Getting into bed, he waited until you were satisfied and closed your eyes. “But also, Wakatoshi has gotten so far on his own. I couldn’t be more proud of my best friend.” “Satori, please. For the love of God.” “Babe, you gotta let me air this out. Good communication and all that.” “We don’t have a single problem that needs to be ‘aired out’ right now. I got work in the morning and you like the sound of your own voice.” That still didn’t stop him. “And Semi, I gotta hand it to him, the man finally learned how to dress properly. And his music isn’t that bad either so I gotta find something new to annoy him with now. Reon is still keeping his fighting spirit alive and playing volleyball too. My friends, all doing so well.” Tendou glanced down at you who had fallen asleep to his heart beats. “But you. I’m the most proud of you. I’m so lucky to have found you. Not that I needed someone in my life at the time, but all the happiness you’ve given me on top of the great things in my life. You’re an amazing person, and I appreciate the impact you’ve made in my life.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ before we start with semisemi, he plays bass and sings in his band but he also plays the piano and guitar (these are MY OWN hcs, none of this is canon) ⇾ that being said, he would stay up late at night playing his guitar, working on songs and quietly singing lyrics to himself ⇾ his talks would be about purpose - like why he’s on this earth similar to hinata ⇾ aha ha ha so if yall read kuroo’s, you know how i feel about scorpios ⇾ semi babe is not safe from that either ⇾ while he is bad at opening up, he also has a short temper so expect apologies for his random outbursts from him ⇾ imma touch on this more in my semi relationship hcs so i shall stop here

You had been on your computer, finishing up some work of yours that you had been procrastinating on with Semi sitting on the couch, strumming his guitar as he worked on a new song. You hadn’t been paying attention the entire time, not until you closed your laptop and sat back in your chair. “Eita, what’s that song?” Your sudden question caused him to jump a little. “Oh, uh, I didn’t realize you were listening.” “I just heard you singing. What is that?” He rubbed the nape of his neck. “I was hoping to hold out until it was finished.” You walked over to him, draping your arms around his shoulders and leaning your weight on him. You read the lyrics he had so far, your eyes growing bigger with each line. “What… is this?” “An apology.” You pulled away from him. “I know I’m not the easiest boyfriend and that when I have a problem, I should say something rather than exploding on you over the littlest thing. I didn’t really know how else to express this without messing it all up.” “I’ve known you for a long time, I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t figure that much out.” “But still, it doesn’t mean that I should just stay this way. I should be growing with you as a person, not stuck how I am. I really do need to learn to express myself better.” You let out a small chuckle. “Like I haven’t heard that one before.” You had. Four times already. “And this will be the last. Thank you for putting up with me.” Your arms wrapped around him once again. “Next time, I expect an entire album with love songs dedicated to me. Got it?” “Well fuck, I better not mess up. I don’t have enough material for an entire love album.” You shoved him. “Hey! Maybe I will leave your sorry ass.” “I’m just kidding! Babe! Where are you going?!”