#until i can get the Chance to be on disability which other than being hard will also be hinged on a doctor

[lgbtlunaverse]

I've been wrestling with two beliefs I hold simultaneously but that I previously (incorrectly) thought were contradictory: that sexuality is inherently harmless, but also that specific kinds of sexual desire have been used to enact and justify grievous harm. The notion that men's sexuality is more important than women's consent, that white men's sexual access to white women must be protected from the "threat" of men of color, the idea that this specific kind of desire is so inherent to a proper society that if you have the wrong kind of sexuality you deserve to be shunned and harmed.

How can sexuality both be inherently harmless and measurably harmful?

Anyway, the answer is very easy, and part of why I feel like we should stop treating sex as something completely unlike other things and horniness as unlike all other emotions. Because I realized that, oh, right, this happens to other feelings too.

You know another feeling that is not inherently dangerous but is frequently used to enact and justify violence? Fear.

Fear is not inherently evil. Not even if it's irrational and your level of fear does not correspond to the level of danger you're actually in. In fact, irrational fears are such a common phenomenon we literally have a word for them: phobias. Which you are not evil for having. (Am I calling phobias the fear equivalnet of kinks? Kind of... I guess)

But fear and discomfort are used all the time to harm people. Let's say some random white woman is walking home late at night, and she notices a man is following her. This man might just be walking in the same direction by coincidence, but there's a small chance he's following her on purpose. It is quite natural for the mind to wander, and we frequently fear what we do not know. Discomfort or fear, in this situation, is neither inherently harmful nor unusual. However, if this white woman has been inundated her whole life with 'stranger danger' narratives and stories of women being brutally kidnapped, assaulted, and murdered by strangers. (Even though the vast majority of female victims are killed by someone they know, most often a romantic partner or family member) and she then, by the flash of a streetlight, spots that the man following her is black, and she has also been fed a narrative that black men are inherently violent and dangerous, that feeling of discomfort is enhanced and distorted until she believes she is in genuine danger and calls the police.

Statistically speaking, that guy really was just walking in the same direction, and is unlikely to be a threat. However she has now seriously endangered him, and justified it by the fact that she was scared.

A man justifying sexual assault because he couldn't help it, he was just so attracted to her. (And she led him on! She was barely dressed!) Is weaponizing his horniness in exactly the same way as people who call the authoroties on a disabled homeless person because they were "acting weird" are weaponizing their fear.

And all emotions can be weaponized this way. Anger is used to justify domestic violence ("you shouldn't have provoked me") Happiness and fun is used to jeoparidize safety (the last 30 years of olympic games have had a death toll among construction workers of over 116. The 2022 world cup alone has an officially admitted death count of 40, but the real cost is likely in the hundreds) disgust is used so often it's hard to restrict it to a single example (queerphobia, ableism, fatphobia, racism, misogyny, it's everywhere)

Sexual desire is just one way among many where the comfort of the powerful is valued above the safety of the opressed. It's not unique, but instead painfully common. And it's useful to keep this in mind not to devalue it or deny it's happening, but because we can borrow tactics and learn from similar situations rather than getting stuck on endless debates on whether porn is intrinsically evil or not, which will get us nowhere.

[jamiebluewind]

Warning! Pet illness, xray

A friend of mine a few states away had a pregnant female cat walk onto her porch and decide she lives now. She had 3 kittens. Since my friend/roommate @winterpower98 was looking for her first cat, we (other roommate/bestie, Winter/Gaia, and I) decided to take a trip down to visit and see if one of the kittens would work for her.

The thing is, she did fall in love with one! He's black with white markings, so the 6 year old had been calling him Eclipse. He's, curious, playful, and always trying to get into something. He loves Gaia. I mean LOVES her. And she loves him. Like... emptying her savings loves him.

Right before we arrived, our friend noticed a little lump on his belly. They thought nothing of it. And then, it got bigger. And bigger. And bigger.

After a week, we took him to a local vet to get checked out. He had a umbilical hernia. Luckily it stopped before his diaphragm, but the hernia was severe enough that he would need surgery to close it (a lot of articles talked about smaller ones closing on their own which is why we waited). He would also need special care for IBS symptoms and to keep his hernia from getting injured or obstructed before repair (which couldn't happen until he was big enough to go under anesthesia). He would need to come indoors for his safety and be separated from the others as his sisters pouncing on the hernia was causing issues (a week earlier than the 8 week mark).

I was honestly expecting Gaia to say it was too much for her to handle. Even told her that nobody would judge her for not being ready for that level of responsibility. That we could find an organization that could take him and get him the help he needed and find him a good home. He has two sisters she could consider, there were plenty of shelters back home with cats under a year old, and we could even check the town we were visiting and places on the way back home, so there were options. I knew how much it took to care for a kitten with health issues (my current cat required months of specialized care and there were plenty of scares along the way) and Gaia has no previous experience with cats outside of hanging out with our cats, so that's just starting on hard mode.

After a long serious talk on the responsibilities she was about to take on, she said she knew it would be hard but the thought of giving him up made her sick. That she would do whatever it took to give him a happy life for however long she has him. We aren't rich people, she's going back to college full time, she had only decided on him over one of his sisters that morning, and (again) this would be the first cat she has ever had. She went all in without a second thought.

The original quotes from various vets willing to do the surgery (not all vets can) were pretty insane, but luckily I found a non-profit that did the surgery for about half. My other roommate and I fully support her and chipping in what we can.

Eclipse is 8 week old and his surgery is scheduled in a month, but we are going to call in and check for cancelations since he's reached the minimum weight and age for anesthesia. Winter has been so busy caring for him that she's not had a chance to post about him, so I decided to do it on the drive home. I think the story is important because it raises awareness about an issue most don't know about and shows someone genuinely caring about a pet with special needs. As a disabled person who's went through a lot of ableism and survived abuse, it really hit me to see how much she loves him with her whole chest and doesn't ever approach his issues with anger or blame.

I don't ask for reblogs much, but I wanted to ask you guys to boost this. I linked Gaia's PayPal below if anyone wants to help take some of the financial burden off her, but you can also support her with messages and boosting this and her future post/s about Eclipse (cut her some slack guys, she's currently in tired new mom mode). I don't expect anyone to donate because I know you guys are mostly in the same shape as us, but I think showing Gaia support is just as important.

Now if you'll excuse me, the hyperactive boy got the zoomies and just jumped in the toilet XD

Edit: Late thing to add on, but a few days after posting this my other roommate/bestie Sarah decided to adopt his sister! Her name is Melanite, but her honey eyes have earned her the nickname Miel. Her and Eclipse have always been very close (often laying on top of each other), so it's great that they'll get to stay together.

[hauntingofhouses]

Blue Eye Samurai & Themes of Breaking Free from Binaries and Boxes

Mizu must choose between being a woman or a man, between feminine and masculine.

Mizu must choose between being Japanese or white.

Mizu must choose between being human (loving) or demon (hateful).

Mizu has struggled against the chains placed upon her since birth, but no matter how much she writhes and pushes against them, the chains remain. And they will continue to, until she learns to accept all of those facets of herself and suppress none of it.

Mizu must realise that she is both feminine and masculine; Japanese and white; human and demon. Mizu is all of these things and everything in between and at the same time she is none of them. She is simply Mizu. Only upon accepting this can she slice through the chains and find freedom.

But Mizu isn't the only one faced with these stifling binaries and predetermined paths. Each of the main four characters represent this theme as well.

"This is the world. It grants women a fixed number of paths. Proper wife or improper whore." -Seki, to Akemi

Akemi, as a woman, must choose between being a wife (modest, meek, but rich) or whore (sexually liberated, willful, but exploited). Both of these would amount to defeat, both of these are cages. So what does she do? With the cards she's been dealt and the rules outlined for her, she decides to change the game so she can win, manipulating her husband (and father, who is now under her care) to give herself the advantage. This way, she blazes her own path ahead to achieve power for herself.

"As it says, there are four paths through the world. The way of the farmer, the artisan, the merchant, and the warrior. Each of these can lead to greatness. I never even cared which path, so long as I found mine." [...] "I know I can't touch greatness any more than I can swallow the sun. But, I can help. I can help greatness." -Ringo

Ringo, partially due to his disability, faces barriers succeeding any of the predetermined paths set out for him, but freely moves between each one in search of one that can lead him to greatness. However, upon meeting Mizu, his horizons expand. Now, he forges his own path, deciding to rise beyond a quest for his own greatness, choosing to instead to help greatness. This is similar to the role teachers take. Teachers do not get to be rich or successful or written into history books, but they help, teach, and inspire others so that they can rise up to their fullest potentials.

"Eighty-four thousand Dharma doors. For me, there were only two. The net or the sword. I could become my father, or I could cut my way free of the net." -Taigen

Taigen, born and raised impoverished, had only two options to survive. He could either be a fisherman and remain poor, or he could strive to work hard as a swordsman in the hopes to one day escape poverty. To him, it was a choice between a life of suffering or a chance at glory. Either way, the chances of dying (from either starvation or getting killed) were present, so obviously he'd taken the chance to run away and try his hand at greatness. But then, he lost his honour, and thus lost everything. Now his only choices are to regain his honour or simply kill himself. He tries the former, but upon bonding with Mizu and Ringo, he finds out there is more to life, that there is a third option open for him he'd never realised before: happiness. Rather than just mere survival, or toiling for material gain, he realises that life is about living.

Overall, the story is very multifaceted through its exploration of societal expectations and norms, and how people are forced to conform, but also the ways they can break free from those boxes.

And in my opinion each of the characters represent differing aspects of marginality, and can be analysed from differing perspectives.

Akemi's story is a predominantly feminist narrative about the marginalisation of women.

Ringo's story is a predominantly disabled narrative about the marginalisation of disabled folks.

Taigen's backstory is a Marxist narrative about the marginalisation of the poor and working class.

Mizu's story is most prominently a postcolonial narrative about the marginalisation of racial Others, ethnic minorities, and hybridised identities. However, as the protagonist, Mizu's story is the most multilayered and thus also heavily features feminist, queer, and Marxist themes due to her complex relationship with gender as well as her background as an orphan living on the streets.

I just found it very interesting that, altogether, the four main protagonists each represent groups that are fighting against an unjust system.

Even Takayoshi, son of the shogun, who should thus be one of Japan's most powerful men himself, is instead seemingly powerless as he is silenced and manipulated by his own mother due to his disability—his stutter.

I also find that these themes of breaking free from conformity and expectations are very interestingly displayed in Taigen, who had thought he'd found a way to join those unjust systems and play by all its rules, and by doing so he had played the role of antagonist. Because one of the central conflicts of the show is Man Vs Society, in which society is the antagonist and the man is Mizu, among others. So by becoming one with that cruel society, Taigen in turn also becomes Mizu's antagonist. Only when he is stripped of everything, all his years of struggle immediately stomped into the dirt as soon as he loses a single duel, only then does he shift away from his antagonistic role. Disgraced and dishonoured, he, too, now rejoins the margins of society, becoming an outcast alongside Mizu and Ringo.

So, TL;DR the society and world portrayed in Blue Eye Samurai is shitty for pretty much everyone unless you're a rich, corrupt, able-bodied cis man. Thus, essentially no one is free and everyone is restricted into neat little boxes where they play their roles and stay in line while the rich and powerful benefit. But Mizu, Akemi, Ringo and Taigen challenge this, and slowly they will rip the boxes go shreds—choosing what they want, and what they want to be, for themselves.

[plague-of-insomnia]

Will Snake Choose Finny?

Note this post has spoilers for the current arc, especially ch 205.

The biggest question of this arc has been once Snake learns the truth about the circus troupe, which side will he pick?

The time for him to make that choice is approaching, and I have some thoughts.

After finally finding out the truth of the fate of the circus troupe in chapter 205, poor Snake is faced with a terrible choice: side with Doll and help get revenge against Ciel for killing his previous “family,” or stick with Ciel (and Finny), his new family—especially now that he knows Doll is effectively already dead.

I think Yana may have been hinting that Snake will pick Ciel and Finny. Why?

Firstly, Snake makes it clear that he and the snakes consider Finny and the other servants his family, and speaks of them all being footmen, which to me implies just how much they’ve been accepted by Ciel and Sebastian.

But that’s not all. In this arc, we met a new snake—Jonathan.

Jonathan is the one who found the hidden entrance to the underground lab, and what’s more important—he is a rattlesnake.

Why is this significant?

Rattlesnakes have hemotoxic venom. In other words, venom that breaks down red blood cells—it destroys blood.

We know that bizarre dolls have few weaknesses, especially the more advanced models, but ones like Doll and Real Ciel still require regular infusions of blood in order to continue to function.

While most snake venom would probably have no effect on a bizarre doll, hemotoxic venom could potentially destroy them (if they can, in fact “die” again), if not disable them until they can be given a new transfusion.

I think it’s unlikely that Yana would have introduced a new species of snake now after so many chapters for no reason.

It’s possible that they may end up using this to their advantage to give them a leg up in the fight against Undertaker. For instance, having Sieglinde develop a poison that has similar properties to the snake venom that they could coat their weapons with, to give them a more even chance.

But this isn’t the only reason I suspect that Snake will pick Ciel’s side.

All of Snake’s snakes are named after writers from the UK, and while we can’t say for sure who Jonathan is named after (as that’s a common enough name), it’s possible he’s intended to be named after Jonathan Swift.

He was an Irish writer and satirist, and one of his most well known pieces is a very biting essay called A Modest Proposal, in which he proposes to solve the problem of the Irish having too many mouths to feed by having them sell their babies to the rich as food. (It is a commentary on how the Irish were seen as less than human by the English; he wasn’t actually suggesting people do this.)

While we still don’t know exactly what or how Undertaker is using the orphans, or why he’s had them dissected into parts, the horror of using children as “food for the stars” isn’t too far from the world of Swift’s famous work.

Considering how carefully Yana sets things up, I think it’s hard to ignore these details, though if she follows her past habits, we may be launching into flashbacks next month and may not know how this will resolve for several more months.

[ x • x ]

[blueboyluca]

Because I want to be a committed hater, I am reading How Stella Learned to Talk by Christina Hunger. She opened with a prologue that outright stated her dog can talk. Sure.

I know that I am probably annoying at this point and it's hard to not be biased now that I've reached this hater position, but here are my thoughts so far from reading the first six chapters.

The first chapter was a story about how she did not work out what a child patient of hers was trying to communicate for six weeks until she came upon the object he was referring to by chance. She frames this as an amazing breakthrough and example of this child's ability, which it is, but it's also an example of her struggling for six weeks to understand something that, by the sounds of it, could have been worked out faster if she had enquired further than she did about the child's previous history in the therapy office. By putting this story in chapter 1, it's also telling us a lot about how she already views communication and her work. The framing of this narrative is to set up the idea that disabled children (and, later, dogs) are trying to talk to us if we just listen hard enough – and also ensure they are communicating specifically through an AAC device using words we accept and understand. Feels weird.

The second chapter was about two doodles she dogsat who used a bell to communicate, and how it seemed sad to her that she could not understand their vocalisations.

Ringing their bell was just supposed to mean they wanted to go outside, but I started noticing that Ozzie seemed to ring it for all his needs. I wondered if he used the bell for everything because that was his only option.

I found this passage frustrating. It seems to me that the dog is using the bell because any other communication is ignored. The dog is likely communicating different things in different ways, but the humans have been told to pay attention to the bell. So the dog adapted. This is an example of humans being poor listeners, not dogs being limited communicators.

Chapter 3 was a story about how she applied for a dog at a shelter, was denied, then immediately – as in, same day – bought a puppy from Craigslist. Only to find that night she had been approved at the shelter after all. To me, this did not read as an endearing story but an exasperating one.

In chapter 4 Hunger demonstrates that she was incredibly observant of Stella and her broad range of communication abilities. Hunger seems surprised that everything Stella did was surrounded by communication with humans. This is not some breakthrough, but I can appreciate the feeling of deeper understanding of dogs once you have a dog as an adult. She then does some minor research on dogs and communication but from her description she doesn't get very far. I don't think this is a good sign.

In chapters 5 and 6, Hunger describes the process of conditioning Stella to three buttons: outside, play and water. What frustrates me is that she describes so much communication that Stella is doing.

It amazed me how intentional her communication was, even from this starting point. She did not push a button and walk away. She expressed her desire to go outside first through her bark, eye contact, and pacing next to the button. Then she advanced from using gestures to a word right in front of my eyes.

This is empathically not Stella "using a word" in the way Hunger means. This is a very basic example of the ABC model. All of Stella's behaviours as well as Hunger's button-pushing are the antecedent, Hunger opening the door is the behaviour, and the consequence is that Stella goes outside. This is excellent communication, but it's not evidence of a dog "speaking".

And how is this not enough already? Why do you need the dog to also press the button? Stella knows what outside means. Her also pressing the button does not change the functionality of the word "outside" to either her or Hunger.

Maybe this is why there was no research on dogs using AAC. Maybe the similarities between dogs’ and humans’ language capabilities stop here, at understanding words and communicating concepts with gestures.

I'm not suggesting that doing further research isn't worthwhile, but the entire premise here from Hunger is flawed in my opinion. She is coming to this only from a speech therapy angle. That is, speech therapy for humans. There seems to be no real consideration for the dog's biological reality. The focus is entirely human-centric. We use words, so getting the dog to use words feels natural. But why should it be?

After weeks spent talking to Stella, modeling words, and observing her communication patterns, that night, for the first time, she and I spoke the same language.

This drives me up the wall. Hunger and Stella have actually already been speaking the same language and that is a human–dog language that has been developed over the last ~30 000 years. This is a result of the co-evolution of our species! To suggest that none of that is as important as the dog learning to use a button that says a human word is honestly maddening to me.

I knew in my heart and in my head that I was witnessing something fascinating with Stella. If anything, my coworkers’ confusion showed me how far our field still needed to come. I hoped someday I could be part of a movement toward more understanding and acceptance of AAC for all who need it, even dogs.

The gall to write something like this but to have shown very little inclination to do any kind of real immersion in research of dog behaviour or body language. To have shown no interest in existing dog training and dog communication. To frame everything through the human-centric lens of speech therapy. To back up statements only with references to child development research. This is like the ultimate example of anthropomorphism.

AAC is for people with impairments related to spoken and written language. It is for humans to help other humans communicate in a species-appropriate way, to bridge connections where connection may have been lost. Dogs, actually, don't need AAC. They need humans to make more of an effort to meet them halfway and pay attention to the huge amounts of communication they already do.

[aurae-rori]

i found the ask box!!!! :D

for your "ask me psych questions" thing: how difficult is it for humans to change their thought processes and/or behavior, without outside help? (professional or otherwise)

You found the ask box! :D

Honestly, this depends on a lot of factors. Age, if they have mental illness or not, if they have trauma or not - but the all around answer is generally very hard and close to impossible. However, let's dive into the factors that affect this answer and why I say that it is very hard, and close to impossible.

If you are a child, the chances of you being able to switch your mindset (assuming you have no extreme childhood trauma) are rather easy. Your brain is still developping and the person you are is still changing. This is natural, so therefore, without any external help, the person that you are naturally changes and your mindset can change as well.

However, if you are an adult, the changes of changing on your own are very low without outside intervention. By the time that your brain is fully developed, it doesn't really want to change because it's decided on what kind of thought process it wants to have and what it wants to be. By yourself, you're probably going to be stuck in that particular thought process until someone pulls you out of it, simply because it's familiar an d the brain doesn't really want to change now that it's fully developed and stuck in its ways.

However - there are a few other factors to take into consideration. One - trauma. Two - disabilities and disorders + mental illness. When a child experiences trauma at a young age, the typical response is to dissociate immediately because the child's brain cannot understand nor process what is happening. This can lead to a disconnect in identity later, which can lead to fluidity in thought processes or a thought process that you cannot let go of, depending on what kind of trauma you experienced.

However, on the topic of disorders - they can be very hard to manage by yourself. This is why it is so important for them to have support and therapy to help them deal with their thought processes and manage to get them to a healthier place, because getting yourself out of your own cycle by yourself when you're struggling with something like BPD, is very hard. Also, in the case of having something like depression (which I do have), I found myself stuck in my self-hatred and my self-wallowing and I definitely couldn't have been able to get out of that cycle without outside help due to how easy it is to just fall into that familiar area of hating yourself so much. However, it's important to keep in mind that even with outside help, people can simply just not change.

People have to change for themselves, and not anyone else.

If you want me to expand on any of this, I will be more than happy to do so.

This was really fun to write. :)

[cannibalisticdespair]

Late to the ask game but-

❤️‍🔥 Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul

It's sorta my new hyperfixation til the new series I wanna watch/read

Oh I fucking love them. But for hot takes? Frankly, I get people disliking Skyler. Because from an outside perspective, Walt is dying of cancer and goddamn was she shitty about it. That's gonna taint everything. I'm sorry, but your feelings get put on a backburner when the other person's situation is "dying of cancer". "My loved one is dying of cancer" does not supersede the loved one's "dying of cancer". People get an allowance to not be their best self when they've been handed a death clock, you know? Oh, is he unusually cold and distant? Yeah, but from the perspective of anyone who doesn't know what Walt is up to, like her, he's dying of cancer. That's to be expected. Oh, has he become more volatile? Dying. Of cancer. These are normal human reactions to dying of cancer. It's pretty hard to stare down the jaws of mortality and not become a bit of an ass about it. It's about as "staring into the void" as you can get.

The best way to explain this is like, forget your viewer-knowledge for a moment and view her behavior from her own perspective with only her limited subjective knowledge. For a comparison, imagine someone randomly stabbed a stranger to death for no reason other than the fun of it. But by pure chance, that stranger happened to be a serial killer. Was the random murder for fun suddenly more okay? No, because they didn't know that. That wasn't driving their behavior.

That's Skyler's dealing with Walt's changes in behavior and everything at first. She didn't know he had become a drug manufacturer and was involved in organized crime. All she knew is that he was dying of cancer. Also, just not a fan of "force someone to get medical treatment they don't want to undergo for your own desires", that's pretty shit.

But like, yeah, dying of cancer is in fact a legitimate reason to be cold and distant and be acting out of character. From her limited subjective position, she was not supportive or comforting of the dying person she claimed to love. Which is just shitty. You know the whole concept of giving a very sick dog that has to be euthanized one really amazing (to a dog) day? That's what you're supposed to do for someone dying of a terminal illness when you love them. Cherish the moments you have left and make them absolutely fucking incredible.

Oh, the dying man wants to smoke some fucking weed? Who gives a fuck? Dude's fucking dying. Oh, he's not hopeful and optimistic? And you're getting angry at him for that? Come on, it takes a particular type of person to maintain such outlooks while dying of a terminal illness. You just never get the sense that she views him as a terminally ill person who's about to die and deserves to have his last days be the best fucking days possible, which just is so fucked to me.

Now, this isn't as important later on, but first impressions matter a lot. And that initial impression really sours things. She acts more like a mother towards him than a partner (and not a good one), and it doesn't feel like that's something he desired, it feels like that's something she chose to do.

Also, there's the aspect of "you have a disabled kid and are living on a single high school teacher and car washer's salary because you don't want to fucking work". Which like... shit. Absolute shit. It's not like she can't work. It's not like Flynn needs her to be a stay at home mom. Walt certainly never asked her to do this. There's never any implication that it's the common situation of the man wanting her to be a housewife. She just decided "hey, I'm gonna quit my job and chase my dream of being a writer while selling shit on eBay". And you don't gotta fucking quit your job to chase your dream of being a writer. Most writers have traditional jobs until they hit it big, not make their partner get a second job to support the family while they scalp shit on eBay and fail at being a writer.

Like, I guess my point is, swap the sexes and see if anyone would defend the behavior. Walt and Skyler are both toxic, shitty people. Like attracts like and both of them fucking suck. Flynn is literally the only person in that family who isn't a piece of shit. Skyler, Walt, Hank, and Marie are all flavors of asshole. None of them are UwU innocent put upon blorbos. They're all trash people being trash to each other and everyone around them, making the world a worse place for existing in it. Hank's a racist cop, Marie is the embodiment of white lady privilege, Walt's a violent self-centered, egotistical drug lord, and Skyler has genuinely cared about exactly one human being in her life. They're all shitty people.

To be clear, people taking Walt's side over Skyler after seeing the whole show are idiots too, it's just that it's not "either you side with Walt or Skyler". It's "wow, you are all horrid trash people". Jesse and Jimmy/Saul are miles above any of them.

[kseniyache]

Shallura (ShiroxAllura), 45

Hi, Anon! Thanks for the request. It was fun to write. Enjoy! ***

Shiro clenched his fists — Allura was just a stubborn girl sometimes!

“I said it was too dangerous and you wouldn't fly.”

“You're not in charge here, Shiro!”

Allura was standing in front of him, and her whole appearance expressed indignation. Her eyes were burning. Her full lips were slightly parted, and her cheeks were flushed. Shiro stepped back a little, feeling all his anger go away. He was just too worried about her. Now — much more than before, because the feelings that flared up suddenly clouded his mind. No matter how hard he tried to be cold-blooded.

For the last few foebs, they shared not only the responsibility for the team, but also the bed. They had a reconnaissance mission tomorrow, but Shiro absolutely did not want Allura to fly with them, and she flatly refused to stay in the Castle if there was even a slim chance of finding traces of the Altean survivors.

“I didn't aim for it. But the Black lion chose me and recognized me as the leader, which means I have a voice.”

Shiro knew he was being selfish. He knew that if Allura stayed in the Castle, she would be relatively safe. But if she goes on a mission with them, she will be at risk. And if so, his head will be preoccupied with worrying about her, and not looking for the right decisions.

“Shiro, I have to fly, don’t you understand?”

Her expression suddenly changed, she pressed her hands to her chest.

“Allura…”

He understood her perfectly, but the fear of losing her was stronger.

“Shiro, please let me…”

She took a couple of steps towards him, forcing him to step back a little until he bumped his hip on the table. Allura wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him to her.

“I will obey you,” she whispered between kisses, “honestly. Please… I don’t want to argue…”

Her words, but mostly her touch, the warm body, so pliable in his arms, the gentle lips, equally exciting and soothing him… He just didn’t have a chance. Shiro gave in under her pressure, unable to resist her feminine power over him.

He ran his hands through her hair, deftly pulling out the pins while she pulled off his uniform. They spun around the room, not breaking away from each other for a moment, bumping in furniture. Shiro almost fell, tripping over a chair, and Allura laughed softly.

“Damn,” he swore, continuing to rid Allura of the uniform.

“I like it when you say some earth words,” she purred, pushing him further towards the bed.

Allura was strong, so Shiro hit the wall very sensitively under her onslaught.

“Oops…” she mumbled.

“You want to disable me?” Shiro asked, pulling her to him.

“Not before we use the bed for its intended purpose,” she whispered, jumping on him and wrapping her legs around his waist.

Shiro grabbed her by the hips. He walked as carefully as possible so as not to fall, and still lost his balance by the bed and fell on the pink bedspread. Allura sat on top of him. She was breathing heavily. Her eyes were burning, but fortunately for Shiro, not from anger. He drew her to him, pulling her into a kiss and turning over so that he was on top.

“Don’t think I’m going to give in to you now, Allura.”

“I don't think you’ll give in,” she replied, and before kissing him, she added, “I know you’ll give in.”

Shiro shook his head—she was incredible.

“We can get back to our argument later,” she murmured, running her fingers over his bare shoulders.

He laughed softly, “Of course, I shouldn’t have sacrificed my knee in the fight with the chair for nothing.”

“Oh, no, it wasn’t not for nothing,” Allura replied, pulling her faithful Black Paladin to her again.

[fuzzydreamin]

𝐁𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒.

Tagged by @bokatan 💖 Thanks so much! No pressure tags, do it or don't, but I'll read if you do!🥰: @serknighted @raid3r-r4bbit @nukanaptime @wastelandhell @cl4ssicist-sky @deathclaws-are-squirrels

✪ NORA

✧˖°. PERSONAL

$ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty ✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non-applicable ✪ Class/Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other ✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed

(Nora was born into a good life, with a family that wasn't obscenely rich but certainly well off enough to rub shoulders with important people. Post-war, once she's on her feet more, she's able to amass caps fairly easily through her charisma and work-ethic, but a lot of it ends up going to the companions or the Minutemen. She's in a fairly constant state of "I got people to support! A family!" She has never had bad health, and worked to be able to pass the physical exams required to join the army as part of the JAG corps. She's also highly educated. Nora hadn't committed any crimes pre-war, but she's done more than several things that could classify as against one groups laws or another post-war. She's usually forgiven for the things she is caught for.)

✧˖°. FAMILY

◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children ◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased ◔ Affiliation: orphaned / abandoned / adopted / found family / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable

(Nora was an only child - Having siblings wasn't really something she ever thought about. It always seemed her mother was happy with one child. She never got the chance to ask her father. She was raised by both her mother and father, and then just her mother after her father passed when she was around 13. She also had an aunt. Post-war she rebuilds a new family with the companions + others.)

✧˖°. TRAITS + TENDENCIES

♦ extroverted / introverted / in-between ♦ disorganized / organized / in-between ♦ close-minded / open-minded / in-between ♦ calm / anxious / in-between ♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in-between ♦ cautious / reckless / in-between / highly contextual ♦ patient / impatient / in-between

♦ outspoken / reserved / in-between ♦ leader / follower / in-between ♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in-between ♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in-between ♦ traditional / modern / in-between ♦ hard-working / lazy / in-between ♦ cultured / uncultured / in-between / unknown ♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown / highly contextual

♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown

(Nora is good at holding a pokerface, and won't openly show it even if she's low-key panicking inside. She can be very agreeable if she shares a goal or opinion with people, or if she needs to play along to get somewhere or just see where things are going. Despite being a natural leader, she's no stranger to taking orders. She tends to stay loyal to her friends and those she believes are overall good, but she can play the act of going along with people until she's able to pull the rug from under them if she needs to.)

✧˖°. BELIEFS

★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic

☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don't know / don’t care / in a matter of speaking ✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don't care ✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious

❀ Philosophical: yes / no / highly contextual

(Nora wasn't raised religious and didn't/doesn't pick up any religions. Her overall idea is that there's no solid proof to any of it, and so many takes on them it would be impossible to know which is right. She'd rather spend her time working on things she does know are true and that she can affect in some way. She isn't sure what to think about the afterlife or reincarnation or anything like that. She hopes the dead get some respite. She doesn't really believe in ghosts, but she gets some hallucinations that seem a little real sometimes and make her question that a little. She didn't believe in aliens until she met one, and that really threw a lot into question - but at least extraterrestrial life makes sense, even if she didn't expect to ever meet any.)

✧˖°. SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual ❥ Sex: sex-repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable / naive and clueless ♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious ❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious

⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

(Nora is a polyamarous bisexual. She always sorta knew the bisexual part, and never struggled with her liking girls, or anyone, that way. She felt the polyamarous part, but didn't really know what it was and thought she was broken or bad at relationships until Nate explained it. She's very sex positive, and loves to find and give others pleasure. Meaning she's open to try just about anything at least once.)

✧˖°. ABILITIES

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

(Having trained for and been part of the army, even in a non-combative position, Nora was just good enough at combat when she woke up to not die right away to the raiders in Concord. She makes an active effort to get better, and becomes a decent sniper, but it's not her strongest suit. Nora was always very intelligent. She got good grades and pushed herself to learn as much as she could from a variety of subjects and sources in order to get where she wanted in life. This came at the cost of a social life, and led to some adrenaline seeking behaviours. Nora never truly took to the arts. Her mother taught her how to dance, sing, and play various intruments, as well as how to fix and create new clothes, but she didn't stand out in her skill with them, wasn't good at coming up with anything new herself, and just didn't enjoy it overall. She'd rather have been reading or learning a skill she deemed more useful. She's a decent singer though, can play some piano, and can patch up clothing fairly well.)

✧˖°. HABITS

☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic / former borderline alcoholic turned sober ☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker ✿ Recreational Drugs: tried some / never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict ✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess ☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater $ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic ♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler

(Nora's always enjoyed a good drink, but it wasn't until she woke up post-war that she started to become a borderline alcoholic. She also started to smoke more than ever. These were both activities that were fairly normalised pre-war, even in indulgence, so it takes her some time and having others point it out to realise how bad she gets. She also has a brief brush with chems for the same reasons - having tried some recreationally in the past and using them again to escape her own mind for a bit. Outside of needing Rad-x, Radaway, and chems to help with active or healing wounds, Nora doesn't need to use anything medicinally. She eats unhealthy food occassionally. She's not too bothered by it, since a bit of junk food here and there isn't so bad, and she's fairly active and enjoys healthier foods as well anyway. She's also not a great cook, so eating anything is better than nothing. Pre-war Nora could easily go out on a shopping spree and bring back several nice new dresses or suits and high end alcohol. Post-war she has to consider if she needs to save her caps to give to someone else or fund something more important. She rarely ever gambles, and prefers to do so among friends and with low stakes - she's not bad at gambling, she just doesn't let herself get too into it.)

✝ ALBERTA

✧˖°. PERSONAL

$ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty / other ✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non-applicable ✪ Class/Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other ✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed

(I added 'other' to the financial section, because none of the other options really convey how vault life is. Like, you don't really have any wealth - but you don't lack for any of your needs either. Vaults are like... communistic ironically. You work to keep things running and just get your food and everything else - the downside is the unethical experiments. When Al got out of the vault not only did they have no idea about caps as currency, they didn't really have much of a grasp on currency at all. It got them in a bit of trouble for a while there... Al is fit in the way that they are a trained fighter and haven't given that up for anything, but they are really really sick too. Like, can't usually stay awake a full day sick. Coughing up blood on a regular basis sick. Dying sick. Will kick your ass then lay down and have a nap about it sick. I suppose Al can only be considered working class? They worked in the vault, being the Pip-boy Technician and part of the maintenance team, and worked outside of it too - either as a sort of mercenary for hire thing, or using their skill in engineering and mechanics to fix or build things. Qualified in kicking ass and anything mechanical or technological. Their specific job in the vault may have been working with pip-boys, but that made them part of the maintenance team and so they had to learn a whole variety of skills to help out and keep the vault running with limited people to fill singular roles. Al mostly helps people, but they've done a lot of shady shit doing so, from killing all sorts of people to kidnapping a baby.)

✧˖°. FAMILY

◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children ◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased ◔ Affiliation: orphaned / abandoned / adopted / found family / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable

(No kids for Al. The thought of being pregnant, giving birth, and raising babies always gave her a deep ick feeling. Thankfully for them it's never been an issue. Al was an only child, since her mother died giving birth to Al and they were the first kid. They always sorta wanted a larger family though. Bit messy. The abandoned part is easy - James up and left. Sorta the whole start to their story. I highlighted the 'adopted' part both for Jonas' influence in their life growing up, and Owyn essentially becoming a new father figure after James died - which also covers the found family thing.)

✧˖°. TRAITS + TENDENCIES

♦ extroverted / introverted / in-between♦ disorganized / organized / in-between ♦ close-minded / open-minded / in-between ♦ calm / anxious / in-between / highly contextual♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in-between ♦ cautious / reckless / in-between ♦ patient / impatient / in-between ♦ outspoken / reserved / in-between / highly contextual ♦ leader / follower / in-between ♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in-between ♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in-between ♦ traditional / modern / in-between ♦ hard-working / lazy / in-between ♦ cultured / uncultured / in-between / unknown♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown ♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown

(Al doesn't always like spending too much time around other people, but they do enjoy spending some time with people they care about, sharing a drink and stories about their adventures, and meeting new people on those adventures. Al likes people a lot more than they think they do - they just need space every so often. You'd think Al would have trouble holding their tongue, and usually they do, but they are capable of keeping very tight-lipped about things if they're really important. There's a lot they keep to themselves.)

✧˖°. BELIEFS

★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don't know / don’t care / in a matter of speaking ✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don't care ✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious / (don't really know what this means, but can't exactly pick 'not religious')❀ Philosophical: yes / no / highly contextual

(Al was raised religious thanks to James, but always had some skepticism. They don't not believe, but they wouldn't claim to either. They don't really believe in ghosts, but spirits are sort of different - plus, anything could go on in the wasteland. They're on the fence but also concerned about whether an afterlife exists. On one hand she'd get to be with her family again, on the other they'd have to face their father and the doubtless shame he'd have in them again.)

✧˖°. SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual ❥ Sex: sex-repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable / naive and clueless ♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

(Al is androsexual, which pretty much means bisexual with a preference for masculinity. Essentially, if given the option between an effeminate man or a butch woman, she'd chose the butch. Al is definitely favourable towards sex, but not necessarily in a healthy manner. This goes for the 'sexually' options too - they're willing to let others do just about anything to them, unless it's really crossing a hard line. They view sex more as a tool for personal relief and validation, and not so much about intimacy. Being shown intimacy during sex really takes them off-guard, and they'll hate it if they don't actually like the other person, but melt if they do. Al really isn't into the idea of commiting to a proper romantic relationship. It's not that they haven't felt that way, it's just that everything about it makes them feel scared and trapped and like it's bound to end up blowing up somehow so why bother letting yourself get hurt - just hit the bricks and run! As for catching feelings anyway, they don't have many people that fit into that role -all of three-, but they've all been men. Two of those three are canon to their story, and the last is @bokatan's Reed in the oc-multiverse or whatever you'd call it, but you couldn't waterboard that out of her. Also they're terrible for each other - it's half the fun!)

✧˖°. ABILITIES

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

(Al's a fighter, it's what she does. Literacy is good from having grown up in a vault - readings easy and a book probably won't annoy you, or bitch and whine when it does and you throw it. Artistic skills go so far as spray painting crude drawings on public property. Probs a snake (Tunnel Snakes Rule!) so it's not that hard. Otherwise... nah. As for technical skills, they can get your computer working, mod weapons and power armour, or even fix your plumbing. They're also decent with first aid and basic medicine, but their bedside manner is horrible and they might not be gentle, especially if you squirm. Will probably call you stupid for needing first aid, as if they can talk.)

✧˖°. HABITS

☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic / former borderline alcoholic turned sober☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker ✿ Recreational Drugs: tried some / never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict ✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess ☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater $ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic ♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler

(Al definitely got into drinking too much. It was a way to escape thoughts and the pain the came with them. Also picking up/getting picked up in bars is easy and getting sloshed just goes hand in hand with that. They don't drink as much anymore, mostly because they spend most of their day either asleep or just fiddling with a project, but they still like to make their way over to Carol's to have a drink with more company. They aren't exactly 'sober' by choice, and will still drink if given the option/they have the energy. Doesn't smoke. Might accept a puff or two in company if they smoke, but never seeks it out on her own. She hates the smell of it. Also she's already hacking up a lung and spitting blood on the regular - almost seems unfair that she didn't have to chainsmoke to get there. They've definitely tried recreational chems - unsure on how deep they got into that. As for medicinal, they use rad-x and especially radaway often, for what little it does them - but hey, anything for another week. Maybe. Al can't cook for shit and just doesn't think too much about healthy meals. I mean, they're already dying, what good is a carrot really going to do? Also they just genuinely forget the eat healthy. They could sit there focused on whatever task they have at hand eating nothing but chips if someone didn't step in. They almost never splurge spend, and are concerned about keeping a good amount of caps on them at all times - trauma from the whole 'not understanding or having currency' bit. They also just aren't often interested in shiny new things, unless it's like a real sweet gun or bit of tech they can have fun with - they could just as easily dig up something interesting from a trash pile. They're the kind of person who can totally use that random thing for something. "I swear I'll use it/fix it up one day" attitude. Sure, they could. But will they? Their lack of living space to fill with trash is a boon.)

[bfdreaming]

TW for suicide mention, rape mention, medical abuse, violent ableism, death, and what can reasonably be interpreted as a murder attempt

A few years ago, a psychiatrist talked about me to my mom without my permission in order to lie outright about my diagnosis (said I didn't have the disability for which she was treating me) and advised her, unprompted, to drop me (someone she knew was disabled and unable to work but she was lying about it) off at a homeless shelter. Mom is and was well aware of both my actual condition and the fact that homeless shelters are nightmarish, and said, correctly, that I would either kill myself or get raped and then kill myself. (Actually I would probably hit up some old friends first, but if I really was completely out on my ass with nothing and nowhere to go? Yeah, I'd kill myself before the medicine even wore off because I would have absolutely no chance of surviving.) Mom got her meds filled and did not go back. She did not immediately inform me of this conversation.

Shortly thereafter was my own last appointment with her, during which I confessed I was suicidal. Now, I have admitted this to many health care professionals over the years, mostly because it's on the intake forms. The normal reaction is to check in about it, make sure I don't have plans, and confirm that I am recieving treatment. While I generally don't bring it up to others, I'm pretty sure the normal response from someone without medical training is probably horror and concern.

This woman? She fucking taunted me.

I told my mom after and said I wasn't going back, at which point mom revealed the conversation above and said she also wasn't going back.

It's hard to imagine what was going on in that woman's mind, but I don't think this is something that can be attributed to incompetence. This woman, after pushing me for a while to get a job despite my multiple, barely treated or entirely untreated debilitating disabilities that make employment completely impossible, wanted me dead and actively tried to achieve that result.

Neither of us had the energy to do anything besides not going back, though. We are and were both very ill, after all.

This was years ago. More than five, less than ten. I was only thinking about it again because my current psychiatrist (who is great) joined that monster's former practice (which sucks) a couple years ago. At the time, I looked up the monster and she had thankfully stopped practicing like a year or so after we stopped seeing her. (She also had tons of negative reviews, some of them begging people not to go to her. She had only practiced for a few years.)

Now, while I was there before, I didn't have any trouble with the office, but now it also has tons of negative reviews because they simply don't ever communicate or authorize refills unless you manage to personally get ahold of a human AND get them to do it while you are on the phone with them. So I was unmedicated earlier, and experiencing a really nasty withdrawal, and was generally a mess. Managed to get yet another emergency supply from a 24 hour pharmacy but it hasn't kicked in yet so trying to sleep did not go well. Got up again and googled the monster.

Found her obituary.

And I am not usually one to celebrate death. But once I confirmed it was indeed for the same person, I could only think, "Thank God."

Because she really fucking tried to kill me. I don't think I really fully processed that until now. She tried to kill me because demanding I simply do the things my disabilities prevent me from doing didn't yield results. She tried to kill me and I don't think I was the only one. This woman went through medical school and spent years of her life trying to kill disabled people for being disabled. If you could work, or had worked but were now retired, she'd refill your existing prescriptions and do absolutely nothing else. And apparently, if you couldn't work, she'd try to kill you in a way she would almost certainly get away with.

She can't hurt anyone else. I still can't work but I've never tried to kill anyone. Maybe I'm useless but at she chose to be worse than useless. And I outlived her.

("If you refuse to simply stop being disabled, you should die" Ok well have you tried simply not dying, doc? Oh it didn't work for you? Tragic)

[tlcartist]

I finished reading SBR AND I HAVE THOUGHTS

Going to focus on my favorite moment, how it ended up being the overall theme for part 7, and how it came back for the ending. Long read, spoilers ahead.

The initial moment I'm talking about is in Vol 12. This was the moment that REALLY got me invested in Johnny and Gyro's story and it was also the turning point in their relationship. Up until this point you could view their alliance as something mostly rooted in convenience. They both had goals that were adjacent to each other, but they also had an understanding that if their goals were no longer aligned then they'd go their separate ways without a second thought. It was transactional. Don't get in my way and I'll lend you a hand as long as it doesn't slow me down. They had common enemies but really couldn't be described as friends per se. At least not until this moment.

Johnny, whose entire disability was brought about by his own hubris and a moment of selfishness, the boy who has only recently begun to understand his stand abilities and feel hope over his condition improving, is given a choice. Does he sacrifice Gyro to keep the corpse parts which he fought so hard to collect in the first place? Or does he let the corpse parts go to save the life of someone who he's not even that close to? Does he choose himself or someone else?

And this is a huge turning point for Johnny's character as a whole. This leads to him making an incredibly selfless decision, one which goes against his instincts and which even Gyro seems surprised by.

This is it. This is the moment when Gyro realizes that Johnny is more than just a traveling companion. He knows exactly how much those corpse parts meant to Johnny. He can see the despair that he's fallen into and yet it's clear that Johnny doesn't regret his decision or hold any resentment towards him, and it's in that moment that Gyro realizes he would have done the exact same thing for him.

Imagine my surprise when Johnny has to make a similar decision at the end of SBR, but in the opposite direction.

Valentine, in a desperate attempt to save his own hide, offers the one thing that Johnny can't refuse. The chance for him to see Gyro again and let him live. He bends over backwards and swears up and down that he has good intentions and that no harm will befall either of them and Johnny wants to believe it more than anything. He is once again given a choice. Does he make the selfish choice to give Valentine the corpse in exchange for his friend or does he make the selfless choice and let him go?

It's a fascinating exchange because as Johnny is questioning Valentine and asking him to prove his good intentions, it feels more like he's trying to convince himself that Valentine is trustworthy than the other way around.

He's trying to convince himself that saving Gyro is the better option even though, as painful as it is, he knows deep down that it isn't. He knows that the Gyro who would be brought to his universe wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be his Gyro. He knows that Valentine is a smooth talker who can't be trusted. He knows that no matter what justification Valentine gives for his actions, that they were always motivated by a desire for power and personal gain.

And so he makes what is, most likely, the most difficult decision of his life. He tests Valentine one more time.

Valentine, being the bastard that he is, can't resist the opportunity to kill Johnny. And with that, Gyro is lost forever. It's just a really powerful moment and ties back to vol. 12 beautifully.

This is the overall theme of SBR. The idea of self sacrifice and letting things go for the greater good.

I'm just so proud of these characters and how they grew over time both in their relationship and as people overall. It was an honor to go on this journey with you boys.

Cheers, and to the next part and the goal.

[clovercoin]

CloverCoin Artpack 2024 March + Updates

[PATREON POST + ART PACK] Hey everyone... I see March is rounding the corner to being over and I realized I never actually make an official patreon post yet. A lot has been happening on our end / IRL. We recently found our we might need to move this summer... But thanks to a lot of back and forth between us and the new landlord we got a lease extension for 1 year to prepare our savings and safely move out to another place in town or around this town we are currently living in. After a lot of discussion between my husband and I, we're really struggling to find rental single family homes that fit our disability needs AND budget. Rent bubble in our area is about 70% more than our current rent which... is mind blowing. But we are determined! With further discussion we think we agree, we'd like to buy a house to make sure our needs are met and that we can take care of our senior dogs without having our lives uprooted without notice. So our belts are going to be really tight over the next year while we try to scrimp and save every penny to go towards our goal to purchase a house next year. That is scary but also so exciting! Wish us luck, we're going to need every lick of it to pull this off. ~~~ Other worse news... The reason why I've been struggling these past few weeks. My family has been reaching out to me and it's official. My mother has a terminal cancer diagnosis. I do not live near her, so I would like to budget a trip out to see her at some point this summer. We don't have any real time lines yet until we see how to reacts to chemo treatment. She's just started that this month. So that's been a weird tangle of emotions and talking with my siblings about what we expect out of all this. How we each can help in what ways we can. One of my older sisters is taking control of talking with the doctors and updating us since my mother is extremely avoidant about talking about her illnesses. At this time I won't be taking any time off from working and doing adopts/commissions. We need the money more than ever, even just to go fly or drive up to see her. But I will update on patreon/discord when I'm taking a week or so off to visit her. ~~~ More middling news? Our two senior dogs, Ollie and Junior, have been having little health scares this year. Feels like 2024 just started and so much has happened! Ollie has been diagnosed with a heart murmur and is on medication now to help treat it. Diet and life style changes as well to help him stay fit. Junior may have had a small seizure or stroke, for 2 days he was not able to stand or walk which really scared us. Both have been to the vet multiple times this year and are being watched VERY closely. I just hope nothing happens to them before we find them a new house to live in. (knocks on wood) ~~~ I myself am having some medical issues but... Just with everything going on I just haven't had time to assign myself with a new clinic and new gp. My new health insurance won't let me see the old one anymore and it's EXTREMELY disruptive to my whole life. So there's a chance my body might get a flat tire in the future, but I'll try to manage it accordingly. To end it all on a good note, I did finally finish my very last tooth filling / replacement and after a year and a half of constant dentist visits, my mouth is all fixed! Hooray!!!! Now we just have to tackle my jaw and TMJ problems haha. ~~~ I think... that's the big items of what's going on. Why I've been really absent online and for updates. Life just kinda had a weird downpour on us, but we're sorting it out. We signed a new lease. Prov is working very hard at his new job. The future is really scary for me right now and I'm really struggling. Please be patient with me while we go through these big life changes at this time. I'll be opening up new commission slots soon to start a monthly income to help with house savings. If anyone has pending commissions with me or trades, please never hesitate to DM me/poke me for updates. I've been a lot more disorganized more than usual lately and I am happy to give any updates or refunds as needed should anything come up that I can't handle. Sorry bout the long read everyone, but thank you so much for skimming through and keeping up with what's going on in my life. I've been desperately missing art more and more every day I spend away from it, so I look forward to sharing even more art with you all! Thank yo everyone for all your support! AJD . ART

[thessalian]

Thess vs A CrapSack World

So basically the world is really, really fucked up right now. I can bullet-point a lot of it, or at least I can try.

GENOCIDE BAD, OKAY?

And across the pond from me... Not seeing nearly enough about the fact that "old white dude quietly trying to get shit done as leader of his country but also maintaining the status quo on genocide" is still better than "old orange-ish dude who will destroy your fucking country and exacerbate the genocide if you let him get in again"

Apparently standing up and shouting "GENOCIDE BAD" is enough to panic people in this country so hard that folks are spinning fantasies about some Israeli Deep State controlling all of us (yes, actual government officials are saying this shit, and not even really getting condemned for it - look up Lee Anderson sometime) and start hinting at new anti-protest legislation (as if we didn't have enough of that) because "mob rule is replacing democratic rule". Says the man who nobody voted for.

Everything is way too expensive. And is only getting more and more expensive as time goes on - especially here, since we're having the worst effects of Brexit hitting us in stages and we're just about at the worst of it now.

The wealthy are blaming us for not wanting to work too hard for too little money, and for not buying enough to keep industries running, and generally fucking over everybody to keep their profit margins going ever-upwards. I can almost see the upcoming destruction of the bubble, but apparently we're going to go into "dynamic pricing" first, to make us pay more even for essentials depending on some AI's idea of when they can fleece us the most. Basically I'm tired of being a money-stuffed pinata to be beaten on by our corporate overlords until cash comes out.

On a personal note, I just had to register for postal voting and have no the fuck idea who I should be voting for because for fuck's sake, they're all as bad as each other at that point. I could probably focus on my constituency, but this is such a safe Labour seat that it barely even matters. Still, I'm not going to hike up a fucking hill to exercise my democratic rights, even if I don't know if there's anyone I can actually in all good conscience vote for.

Further personal note: just about every fucking part of the government seems to hate trans people. They all seem to be making the statement about "I know what a man is and I know what a woman is and there is no confusion about that", with the underlying suggestion of "man = penis, woman = vulva", which ... dear gods. We've got people asking, "Were the two kids who murdered a trans pupil really evil?" like, "Yeah, they fucking killed somebody, but ... well, it was only one of those..."

Final personal note: I am still so fucking tired of being disabled. I want to go out to the yarn store in my area, because ... y'know, good yarn, learning to crochet, yadda. Plus some other errands - I need gluten-free pasta, which they ran out of for my big monthly grocery order, and some other stuff. But I'm having to plan this entire trip in the most strategic way you can imagine because ... well, pain. I am so tired of having pain.

So there's all of ... y'know. This. And sometimes I don't know how I don't just despair myself into the ground. Because I can't do anything about most of this. Hell, I can't do anything about any of this. It just sits there, being shitty.

However. I had a really helpful therapist once, after I had my really major breakdown, and she said that the whole thing where I was grabbing at anything that might have the remotest chance of making me even briefly happy was a good instinct, and I just had to learn to do it more consciously. So. As small and shallow as some of these things are, here are my things right now:

I have the most awesome friends.

On the subject of friends, I have D&D nights.

I have pretty decent parentals, all told.

I have a new-old book (an old favourite I haven't read in a long time, and picked up for my Kindle recently)

I have a week off work, so I can recover a bit from the ow.

I have the first game I've pre-ordered since Dredge, which will be available in just over two weeks.

I have a trip to the yarn store ... and the yarn store has a shop cat.

That'll do for the time being. It may not seem like much, but it's a good bulwark between me and despair. I remember enough about my really major breakdown to know I really need those.

[confettiepup]

I can’t wait to move out with my mom and have our dream appartement and my dream littlespace room 🥺💕 I’ll make a post soon on my future projects about it!

Tw vent: Abusive behaviour/gaslighting dad

My mom and I wants to leave the house as soon as possible because of how abusive my dad is. We can’t go now because my grandma is dependent to my mom because of her bad health so we have to stay there for her. A neighbour is supposedly leaving this Summer which means we could have a chance if it’s true. But the chances are low :( I’m also disabled and can’t live alone for now, so moving with my mom is the most realistic thing that can be done for now.

Until then my mom and I keep this dream in mind and try to avoid my dad as most as possible and ignore his tantrums. I really don’t feel safe home. It’s not our home but his home. He’s constantly gaslighting us, have no patience, is purposely creating fights and looking for something to complain about every day and I skip lots of triggering stuff. I can’t focus on healing when I constantly feel like walking on eggs at home. We have to constantly watch out for what we’re going to say because he may take it badly and explode.

I’m constantly stressed when he’s home, even at night when he’s sleeping because he might get up and go in my room to complain. I can’t be myself at all. All my projects are down for now because I’m too drained. Even therapy is about how to deal with him now. Even when I’m sick he have no pity, it’s all about him. Little me cannot take it anymore but the only thing that makes us happy is the idea of getting away.

Getting little stuff without being judged

Not having to hide my littlespace gear

Being free to walk around the house, being in a room other than my room and feel free

Be able to make a « mess » by doing activities outside of my room like coloring on the kitchen table, doing crafts playing on the floor in the living room while watching TV without feeling the urge to clean up and gtf out of the room to stop bothering

Playing music in the house, any volume we want without complains and be told to turn it off

Having karaoke nights with my mom without complains

Playing videogames together without being told that we’re annoying

Watching our types of movies and series without being judged

Talking about what we want together, laugh without him telling us to shut up because he’s trying to focus on his game

Not being afraid to eat in front of him without being scared to be judged

Going out and not him calling her to get back because it’s been too long and he wants to get his dinner, chores done and will have a tantrum back home and make her feel like shit for coming home « so late » (she have NO social life because of him)

Not being called crazy when we speak up about whats wrong

Simply living without him, too much could be added

My mom and I are literally praying to get out as soon as possible, my dad is just getting more and more worst. We’ll need to get money as most as we can, I might start to open drawing commissions soon because I’m currently not having a job because of therapy and my disability :(. We will work so hard to get out of here.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

Top 5 novels(or series)? 👀

i miss being a bookseller and talking about books irl so this ask makes me super happy! also this is going to be long and i apologize in advance

beauty queens by libba bray

my favorite book of all time. i read it WAY too young, like in 2011 at age 12, and it massively influenced my awareness of the world, personal philosophy, sense of humor, and creative identity. beauty queens is an ahead-of-its-time ya satire novel about teenage girls getting stuck on a deserted island and going feral (positive connotation).

it features a well-balanced main cast of about a dozen diverse young women, including the first trans character i ever encountered (because i read the book pretty young, it's actually how i found people can be trans at all). while this character's execution does include a few now-questionable tropes, she's written in incredibly good faith and i am so grateful for her being in this book. beauty queens also introduced me to perspectives from women of color, disabled women, and women from religious communities that i hadn't really gotten the chance to encounter in my bubble of a hometown. while the author is admittedly a cis white straight woman, she pours so much empathy and love and nuance into each individual beauty queen, and especially for 2011 i think she did a really good job.

in addition to All That Deep Meaningful Stuff, the book is like a james bond parody with a villain clearly meant to be sarah palin set in a hyper-capitalist satirization of america, characterized by super weird and out-of-the-box "commercial breaks." i describe it in my review as "weird, campy, tropey, and over-the-top," and warn that, "if you take everything very seriously, you will have trouble with this book."

my general creative philosophy is that art is at its best and most meaningful when you have no doubt anyone else could have made it. libba bray knows exactly what she wants to write, and she fucking does that, even if some people won't understand or enjoy it. the world is a better place because this book exists, which is true of everything on this list--but this deeply weird novel, seemingly lost to time, is my all-time favorite for a reason.

sharp objects by gillian flynn

gillian flynn is my favorite AUTHOR of all time. she wrote gone girl, sharp objects, and another lesser-known novel called dark places. sharp objects is a hard one to gush about without spoilers and/or triggers, but oh my god it is a masterpiece. its final line is my favorite final line in any media, ever. i am a huge lover of the domestic thriller genre, and while gone girl is more domestic thriller than sharp objects, i think this one is the better BOOK. huge trigger warning for self-harm if the title and cover aren't enough of a hint, but hoooo boy this book is the best kind of brutal

the illuminae files trilogy by jay kristoff & amie kaufman

these sci-fi ya thrillers are told entirely through transcripts, message logs, and other "found evidence" in a dossier meant to expose an evil corporation. the characters are clever and interesting, the conflict is layered, and there's some awesome space-horror a la alien movie. there's a love story and philosophical musings and wise-cracking idiot teenagers who i adore. there's a deranged ai and beautiful page layouts and the quote, "you have me. until the last star in the galaxy dies, you have me." these are great books for people who can't stand large chunks of prose, appreciators of comics and mixed-media storytelling, and the AUDIOBOOKS are like full-on radioplays with voice actors and sfx. all three novel hold their own while still feeling cohesive when read sequentially. so unique and so freaking cool

no exit by taylor adams

idiot college art student gets snowed in at a rest stop, realizes that someone is in the middle of trafficking a child and has to a) figure out who it is and b) stop them. this thriller is gory and fast-paced and darkly comedic and does the whole cat-and-mouse hero and villain thing that always lives in my head rent-free. it's gleefully violent and reminds me of films like kill bill and american psycho. i can't and won't spoil more but this book is so fun to read, especially if you enjoy media that doesn't take itself too seriously. the movie adaptation sucks and i'll be mad about it forever, especially because taylor adams comes from a screenwriting background and i doubt they let him touch the script. there's a thematically-relevant garfield clock and nail gun used several times as a murder weapon. in my storygraph review of this book, i summed up my love for it pretty well: "Sometimes a book just speaks to you. Probably not great that this one does it for me, but at least I had so much fun."

the stepford wives by ira levin

people discuss the stepford wives as a Cultural Concept, but i wish more people actually read the novella. it's really freaking good as a work of horror and satire. it's short, too. i've been dreaming up a stage adaptation for years.

other honorable mentions: the hunger games trilogy you know who wrote it, solutions and other problems by allie brosh, anya's ghost by vera brosgol, all of mary oliver's poetry, never saw me coming by vera kurian, in a dark dark wood by ruth ware, dead to her by sarah pinborough, annie on my mind by nancy garden

[workscounselingcenter]

My Disability Identity in the Workplace

Hey there! It’s me again, Jenna, your friendly disabled therapist at Works Counseling Center. In my last blog post I wrote about me and what my disability entails to allow you to get to know me more. I wanted to dive deeper into my identity evolution as someone who has a disability, specifically how it has evolved in the workplace.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on my identity and the parts of it that I feel confident in and the parts that maybe I’m not so confident in, one of those being my disability and how it is perceived by others. If you had asked me in middle and high school how I felt about my disability I don’t know if I would have been able to give you an answer. I never really allowed myself to feel insecure about my disability as a child, I don’t think I knew how or maybe I was afraid to feel insecure. My family also did a great job at protecting me from feeling insecure by including me in everything they did and adapting the games they would play so that I could play too. I never felt excluded more than any other youngest sibling does. I don’t know that I would change anything about the way my family guarded me from feeling different but I do wonder if I was able to process my insecurity then whether it would have prepared me for processing them now.

I have three older brothers who are all athletes and never stopped moving when we were growing up. Moving was hard for me so while they received awards for being really good at sports I focused all of my attention on academics. School was easy for me and I got a lot of

praise for my grades and intellect which allowed me to suppress any unpleasant feelings I had about my physical challenges. This drive for academics drove me to get my Master’s degree at Vanderbilt University where grades continued to matter too much to me. When I graduated with my Master’s degree it was time for me to get a job and all of a sudden the insecurity about my disability hit me like a ton of bricks.

When you leave school and no longer receive a grade to prove yourself it can be jarring (it definitely was for me). I now had to interview at various therapy practices around Nashville and while my brain and my intellect were a part of the employer’s evaluation of my fit for their practice so was my physical capabilities and my physical appearance. I was terrified. I hoped that at least one employer would see my skills as a therapist as valuable and not consider my disability and accommodations needed as a hindrance. When I interviewed at Works Counseling Center I knew I had found a place that was willing to take a chance on my skills and make accommodations as I needed them. I have never felt so accepted and valued (other than my family) than I do with my coworkers.

You’re probably wondering what the message of this blog post is and that’s such a great question I’m glad you asked it! My message is no matter what makes you different whether it be your race, religion, gender, sexuality, ability, etc. there are communities out there where you will feel not only accepted but valued and you will find them! Until then I’m more than happy to provide a small space in my office for you to feel valuable! I’m happy to say I found a place where I feel like I fit in and if you’re reading this you have too and I’m happy you’re here!

If you have any questions or want to learn more, please click here.