#v: a war in which we will liberate hell

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

March 8, 2024

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

MAR 9, 2024

Last night, Republicans and Democrats offered very different visions of the roles and rights of women in American society. 

In the State of the Union address, President Joe Biden thanked Vice President Kamala Harris “for being an incredible leader defending reproductive freedom and so much more.” Biden condemned “state laws banning the freedom to choose, criminalizing doctors, forcing survivors of rape and incest to leave their states to get the treatment they need,” and he called out Republicans “promising to pass a national ban on reproductive freedom.”

Biden quoted back to the right-wing majority on the Supreme Court, sitting in front of him in the chamber, their words when in June 2022 they overturned the 1973 Roe v. Wade decision that recognized the constitutional right to abortion.

The justices wrote: “Women are not without electoral or political power.” 

Biden responded: “You’re about to realize just how much you were right about that.” “Clearly, those bragging about overturning Roe v. Wade have no clue about the power of women. But they found out. When reproductive freedom was on the ballot, we won in 2022 and 2023. And we’ll win again in 2024.” Biden promised to restore Roe v. Wade if Americans elect a Congress that supports the right to choose.

Senator Katie Britt (R-AL) gave the Republican rebuttal to the State of the Union address. Sitting in a kitchen rather than in a setting that reflected her position in one of the nation’s highest elected offices, Britt conspicuously wore a necklace with a cross and spoke in a breathy, childlike voice as she wavered between smiles and the suggestion she was on the verge of tears. 

“What the hell am I watching right now?” an unnamed Trump advisor asked Nikki McCann Ramirez and Asawin Suebsaeng of Rolling Stone.

Britt’s performance was the logical outcome of right-wing demonization of women’s rights advocates since the 1960s. That popular demonization began soon after women calling for “liberation” from the strict gender roles of the post–World War II years protested the 1968 Miss America pageant in Atlantic City, New Jersey. The protesters tossed items related to women’s roles as homemakers and sex symbols—bras, girdles, pots and pans, and Playboy magazines—into a trash can. That act so horrified traditionalists that a journalist likened the women to young men burning their draft cards, starting the myth that the protesting women had burned their bras. 

Two years later, with his popularity dropping before the 1972 election, President Richard Nixon wooed Catholic Democrats by abandoning his support for abortion rights. The following March, Congress passed the Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution, declaring that “[e]quality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of sex,” and sent it off to the states for ratification. 

Advocates of traditional gender roles used abortion as a proxy to attack women’s rights in general. Railing against the Equal Rights Amendment in her first statement on abortion in 1972, activist Phyllis Schlafly did not mention fetuses, but instead attacked “women’s lib”—the women’s liberation movement—which she claimed was “a total assault on the role of the American woman as wife and mother, and on the family as the basic unit of society.” 

The Supreme Court decided Roe v. Wade in 1973, including women in the ranks of marginalized Americans whose civil rights were protected by the federal government. Since the 1950s, opponents of such federal protection for Black and Brown Americans had tied such federal action to communism because it meant the government used tax dollars for the benefit of specific groups. In their minds, this amounted to a redistribution of wealth from hardworking taxpayers to undeserving special interests. 

The cultural backlash to the idea of women’s equality strengthened. In 1974 the television show Little House on the Prairie, based on Laura Ingalls Wilder’s books, began its nine-year run. It portrayed western women as wives and mothers cared for by menfolk, complementing the image of the cowboy individualist championed by the antigovernment right wing. 

As historian Peggy O’Donnell noted in Jezebel in 2019, prairie dresses, with their image of “traditional” femininity and motherhood, the female version of cowboy clothing, became fashionable, even as the era’s popular televangelists railed against feminists. 

Constantly evoking the image of the western cowboy, Ronald Reagan won the White House. Four years later, sociologist Kristin Luker discovered that "pro-life" activists believed that selfish “pro-choice” women were denigrating the roles of wife and mother and were demanding rights they didn’t need or deserve.

Increasingly, Republicans portrayed women who demanded equality as a special interest made up of feminist scolds who wanted federal support they did not deserve. In 1984, when Democratic presidential candidate Walter “Fritz” Mondale tapped the very well qualified Representative Geraldine Ferraro of New York as his running mate, opponents circulated fake campaign buttons backing “Fritz and Tits,” and even 60 percent of Democrats thought Ferraro was there only because Mondale was under pressure from women's groups who wanted special legislation. 

Powerful women either fell out of public view or were pilloried for intruding on a man’s world as those opposing women’s equality portrayed women either as wives and mothers, who looked to their husbands for financial security and safety, or as sex objects available for men’s pleasure. 

By 1988, talk radio host Rush Limbaugh had begun to demonize women’s rights advocates as “feminazis” for whom “the most important thing in life is ensuring that as many abortions as possible occur.” After the 1993 siege of the headquarters of a religious cult near Waco, Texas, that left 76 people dead and inspired the rise of right-wing militias to resist the federal government, Limbaugh emphasized that the attorney general who ordered the operation was the first female attorney general: Janet Reno.

Such rhetoric turned out Republican voters, especially the white evangelical base, and after it launched in 1996, the Fox News Channel (FNC) reinforced the idea that individualist men should be running society. Most FNC personalities were older men; the network’s female personalities were young, beautiful, and deferential. (FNC chair and chief executive officer Roger Ailes resigned in 2016 after accounts emerged of alleged sexual harassment.) 

By 2016 the competing ideologies concerning the role of women in American society were encapsulated by the contest between Donald Trump and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Clinton was highly educated and extremely well qualified. She advocated protecting the rights of women and minorities and warned that Trump would pack the Supreme Court with extremists who would undermine abortion rights. She provided detailed policy papers. 

Trump, in turn, bragged of sexual assault and called for Clinton to be arrested: “Lock her up!” became the call and response at his rallies. Ending access to abortion had become the rallying cry for the evangelicals who supported Trump, and he promised to end those rights, even flirting with the idea of criminal punishments for women seeking abortions. Far from being disqualifying, Trump’s denigration of women embodied the sort of traditional gender roles fundamentalists embraced.

Once in office, Trump nominated and the Republican-dominated Senate confirmed three radical Supreme Court justices who in June 2022 overturned Roe v. Wade, taking away the recognition of a constitutional right Americans had enjoyed for almost 50 years. 

When Britt delivered the Republican rebuttal to the State of the Union from a kitchen, wearing a cross and using a submissive speaking style, she represented the outcome of the longstanding opposition to women’s equal rights in the United States.

The Democrats’ position last night was a sharp contrast. Biden stood in front of the nation’s first female vice president as he denounced the Republican assault on women’s rights. He warned the country: “America cannot go back.”

Perfect timing for today’s celebration of International Women’s Day.

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN'

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

[the-hem]

"The Seven Stages of Knowledge." From the Maha Upanishad, the Exploration of the Mysteries of the Atman.

V-21-35. By knowing the seven stages of knowledge, one will not be sub-merged in the mire of illusions. Many schools speak variously of the stages of Yoga but only the following are acceptable to me: liberation follows after the seven stages.

The first stage of knowledge – is auspicious desire, the second is reflection, the third is thinning of the mind, the fourth is attainment of Sattva, then detachment, the sixth is reflection on objects and the seventh is of the Turiya.

Their explanation: The wise say that the auspicious desire is the desire following detachment –meditation ‘why do I remain like a fool, being looked upon by good people ?’

Reflection is good activity (tendency) after the practice of detachment and contact with scriptures and good people. Thinning of the Mind is the condition where the attachment to sense objects is reduced by means of auspicious desire and reflection.

Sattvapatti “banded by nobility” is the mind in the pure Sattva condition by the practice of the above three stages.

The Asamsakti “I am action.” stage is the developed condition, without even a trace of involvement, by means of the practice of the four stages.

Padarthabhavana “to build one’s concepts of the Object.” is the sixth stage resulting from the five stages, delighting in the spirit firmly by the non-contemplation of objects internal and external.

The ‘Fourth’ (Transcendental) condition (here the seventh) is concentration on one’s nature, seeing no real difference, by the long practice of the six stages – this is the stage of Jivanmukti.

The stage ‘Beyond the Fourth’ is the stage of liberation without the body.

The first way we contact good - and not so good people- is through the media. Can you tell if the person you watch on TV or the web is a good person or not? Do you think those people on Fox News are busting their humps to help the world turn or are they kind of bigoted and haughty, a little uncouth and rude about everything outside their fishin' hole?

What about what is happening in Gaza? Do you you think everyone is being as understanding as possible, as thorough as they could be in explaining what is happening and why the issue of Israel's self-defense which has now become an offense has kept this world trapped in its childhood?

What about MAGA, Russia, North Korea, China, all the slums and craters all over Africa and the Middle East, the heat domes, floods, droughts, diseases and high prices?

We have entered World War III and the world is not able to accommodate it because we have demonstrated the inability to recognize what is good and what is evil, what is false and what is true.

So first, contact with good people, saints, not sinners within mass media is a must. The Torah says "do not kill", "do not lie", "do not steal", "do not create graven images."

Persons who observe these laws are the good people, people who do not observe these Decrees are going to hell.

That means no more weapons, no more stealing elections, using God's name to put Tarzan and Jane in the White House, no more abuses of the land and other human beings that are preventing us from keeping the Sabbath.

Once we accept these, meditation and other Object Relations will make much more sense.

[nirvanawomb]

@virusvexxed​ liked for a starter

__

“Kishinuma-san... I think with this, we can save everyone. Please... help me perform this ritual, please.”

“... Pseudo-Servant Caster, Jizo, reporting for duty. Master... er, are you unwell?”

In a twist of fate, in another timeline, Ayumi did not take Naomi to perform the Land of Corpses spell in order to try to bring back the dead from Heavenly Host Elementary School.

In attempting to deliver their friends from salvation, something instead had now made its home within her. In her hand was a giant khakkhara staff, larger than Ayumi herself, and Ayumi’s once blue eyes now took a vibrant pink.

To complicate matters, on the back of Yoshiki’s right hand was an odd, tattoo-like symbol. “Uhh... Master? Earth to Master?”

“... Umm... you... you did summon me into this girl’s body, right?”

[nelligekata]

author: Myroslava Iltyo from the Kharkiv region photo of Myroslava Iltyo and Ihor Zakharenko From Kharkiv to the liberated Izyum, it is a two-hour drive on broken roads past fields with unharvested wheat. On both sides of the track are burnt Russian armored vehicles and corpses of Russian soldiers, which have not yet been removed. Tractors loaded with enemy wreckage pass by. Tanks, in perfect condition, are pulled out by cranes so that they can still serve the Armed Forces. At the abandoned Russian roadblocks, cans and torn packages of dry goods are lying around. The movement to Izyum is slow, because the road is broken by artillery, and some shells are still unexploded. Avoiding ravines and climbing requires vigilance.

v vAt the entrance to the city, the huge pumpkins in the garden near the house without a roof incite emotions: no one can harvest them anymore. A broken armored vehicle with a Z-marking stands at a burned-out gas station. The kitty is sleeping peacefully in the cabin

At the entrance to the de-occupied city, undetonated flamethrower charges of the Russian TOS "Solntsepek" lie next to a car that burned to the ground. Another tank from "Putin's Lend-Lease" is nearby. To get to the right bank of the Siverskyi Donets River, in the southern part of Izyum, you have to wait in line for the pontoon bridge, because other bridges in the city have been destroyed. We drive up to Mount Kremenets - the highest point of this area with chalk deposits, a TV tower and a monument in honor of those who died in the Second World War. There is a constant crowd of people on Kremenets: this is the only place in Izyum where mobile communication is received.

Mobile communication on Mount Kremenets next to the memorial to those killed in World War II An incredible view of the raisin roofs opens from here, and at the same time a great tragedy. In this place, people paid with their lives for a phone call from the occupation. Several dozen corpses were found on the hill. Izyum residents who survived hell Maksym is 31, he asks not to take pictures of his face, because he does not know where to expect a new "foundation". A local resident is convinced: the occupiers captured him for a reason - someone reported that the man had friends in the Military Intelligence and Armed Forces. Maxim was beaten, broken, a bag was pulled over his head and taken to a pit.

There were more than twenty people in that pit with varying degrees of torture, beatings and psychological abuse. Maksym says that cold water was poured into the pit at night, the prisoners were tortured with electric shockers, they were given only bread and water so that they would not die of hunger. The occupiers did not receive any useful information from Maksym, and after a few days of abuse, they let go. In addition, the man received an injury to his hand from shelling with cluster shells, but he assures that he is now normal, he does not want to remember the experience again. Maksym shows the sunset from the hill on which we are standing on his phone. He assures that Izyum is a very beautiful city.

The view from Mount Kremenets in Izyum "It was good, now it's ruined," Mr. Yevhen joins our conversation with these words. The man is 76 years old, he was not beaten or tortured, but sometimes it seemed that his heart could not withstand the constant roar of rockets and bursting shells. The people of Izyum tell: another man, whose heart could not stand it, lay on the stairs on the first floor of a nine-story building for 13 days, until his wife was able to bury him in the yard. The shelling was so strong.

Izyum City Council

 From the hill we go to the city council. The building is black, patches of blue sky shine through the window frames. Two women and a little girl pass by with bouquets of flowers. "This is what the Russians set fire to the town hall for us when they were fleeing. We are in the city center for the second time in six months, it's like a holiday, and so are flowers, because we lived in isolation," says Ms. Olga.

vFrom March 6 to March 26, she did not leave the basement of the apartment building. "The Russians are on one side, the Ukrainians are on the other, and the planes are on top," - it is very difficult for a woman to master the emotions associated with memories. She remembers how she smelled bread that she hadn't seen in two months. "Shops were broken, looted... Those that were not broken with weapons were immediately dragged away by looters," says Ms. Olga. Ms. Olga is a Ukrainian language teacher with 27 years of experience, and she absolutely did not want to cooperate with the occupiers.

vFrom March to July, they and their neighbors lit a fire near the high-rise building and cooked food on the fire. All other residents of Izyum did the same, because there is no electricity or gas in the city, and some have no water nearby. The worst thing was that there were children in the basement. One woman died there. He was buried in the yard.

vThey shared everything in a neighborly way, the buyers warmed themselves, because the basement is damp and cold. But there were also those who managed business even in such conditions. One man had a generator, it cost 100 hryvnias to charge his phone, he took money for water. "True, the Russians themselves punished him for looting. They tied him to the post. Even though we were grateful to him for that, because that penny was worth it to tell our relatives that we are still alive," the interlocutor shares. Olga is very happy that many teachers and children were able to get out of the city to learn from Russian textbooks.

vEvacuation that did not happen Mrs. Natalia, another of my interlocutors, is indignant about the organization of the evacuation. "The mayor [Valery Marchenko] said that 80 percent of the residents were evacuated, but in fact only a handful left. He himself ran away! He appeared in the city the day before yesterday, he was worried about his life. Yesterday he spoke in the square, women and men shouted at him, and he stood with his head down. There is no remorse!” Natalya says.

Indeed, not everyone could evacuate the city captured by the Russian Federation, but those who could. To the territory controlled by Ukraine - for money, mostly for an unaffordable sum of several thousand dollars. Or through Russia, and also not always free. A mother with a small child who wanted to leave was turned back by the occupiers. Her name was on the lists of "unfortunate ones", because her husband fought for Ukraine, and now he is in captivity. From Izyum to Balaklia, they overcame 30 roadblocks until they announced the choice: back or shoot.

.According to the locals, the Russian army "liberated" the most from personal belongings. Fortunately, the woman was not at home when the Buryats were taken out the door. Having reached someone else's property, they took a high chair, a scooter, a bicycle, pots, pans, knives and even worn children's shoes. "They took out their rubles from our ATMs in a hurry, stuffed the bags, and transferred them from the armored vehicles to the wheels in order to kick their heels faster," says Ms. Vira.

,After release There are a lot of people on the streets of Izyum now, as for a broken city with non-working pharmacies, broken or closed shops and a food market that was burned by aviation..

There is still no electricity in the city. Mobile communication is still only available on the mountain. Or ask the Ukrainian military for access to Starlink. The central heating system in Izyum was also destroyed. Almost all boiler houses were bombed. In the private sector, there are such houses that were simply driven into the ground by cracks: from one "arrival" six houses were demolished at once. Many of the "lucky" buildings have no windows, and some also have holes in the roof.,

According to Maksym Strelnikov, a deputy of the Izyum Council, the occupiers killed more than a thousand civilians in the city. At one of the city cemeteries in the forest, about five hundred new graves were counted with crosses, on which either the names or often only the serial numbers of the dead were indicated. For all my interlocutors, the Ukrainian military on the streets of the city was a big surprise, but so welcome. Some do not hide tears of emotion because they are not considered collaborators who agreed to live under the Russian tricolor. Because the Ukrainian army was waiting here. And they waited.

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

you didn’t mean to say “I love you” (Bakugou Katsuki x Reader)

“I love you...”

“What...?” You asked incredulously, disbelief even in your expression as Katsuki just stared at you angrily, form trembling as if even he couldn’t believe the words he just said to you. But then his crimson eyes widened when he heard a snicker leave you as you chuckled and shook your head.

Summary: After everything that’s happened from the war with the Paranormal Liberation Front and after yet another brush with death, Katsuki finally tells you how he feels about you.

Pairing: Bakugou X Reader Warning: Language, angst, mentions of mental health issues, spoiler alerts for the recent chapters Word Count: 11.4 k

Happy early holidays y'all~. Been forever! But I managed to freaking do this! Let's see what else I can write out. :3 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fvj6PE3gN4o

You couldn’t stop the loud yawn leaving you as you fought your way out of a sleeping spell, because you reminded yourself that you couldn’t just fall asleep in a public park especially since you were out with your friends Izuku and Shoto, along with your puppy Taromaru. Whom looked up at you with a concerned little whine.

“Are you tired (Y/N)?” Shoto politely asked, just as concerned as your little puppy was because that was about the fifth time you’ve yawned, and yes, he kept count of it. “A bit… but that’s pretty normal for me.” You gave him a lopsided smile and shrugged your shoulders, even though that didn’t ease his concern, or Izuku’s as he looked at you with worried eyes. “Have you been sleeping well (Y/N)-chan?” He’s been one of your best friends alongside Katsuki, the three of you practically grew up together, and while Katsuki liked to keep his distance, you stuck by Izuku and gladly invited Shoto into your friend group and you liked to hang out with them. Katsuki on the other hand? As much as you adored your boyfriend, you knew that he preferred to be by himself and was easily annoyed whenever Izuku and Shoto were around, and with you especially. It’s been like that lately, but you didn’t get it, you just assumed Katsuki was being Katsuki. “Oh honey I haven’t slept well since I was in kindergarten.” You chuckled lightly, even though Izuku looked a little bit serious, and that made you sigh. “I know, I need to work on it… but honestly it’s just… a lot right now you know? Tests and… stuff… after everything… Guys… it’s been what? 6- or 7-months tops since we got out of a fucking war? And we’re still doing this bullshit? I just wish they’d give us a break but they’re not… makes me wonder just… how long and I keep going… in fact… sometimes I don’t even think I can… I can’t keep up with you guys… and that just… really makes me feel like garbage, worse than that… I just… if I close my eyes, I wish I could close them and skip through all of this…” 

Averting your eyes, you stared at your lap when you spoke up a little bit about how exhausted you were and how stressed out you had been feeling because it’s been too much for you. You and your friends literally survived the war with the Paranormal Liberation Front, and not everyone came out of it unscathed. There were things you were never going to unsee, your friend’s terrified faces, Aizawa-sensei’s prosthetic limb after cutting off his own leg, and then your Izuku and Katsuki barely coming out of it alive when the smoke eventually cleared.

You almost lost your best friends; you almost lost your Katsuki… There’s no way you were okay, and it was so hard to go to sleep at night sometimes when you thought too hard on it. It was so hard to even look at your boyfriend without thinking about the horrible, traumatic things he had to endure. Even before fighting Shigaraki. It was just hard, hard to acknowledge that you almost lost him. “Aroooooo…” You only perked up when Taromaru whimpered, nuzzling against your leg as if trying to comfort you as you looked down at the sweet pup, unable to help but smile at him and reached down to pet his head. “It’s okay (Y/N)-chan.” Izuku seemed to follow Taromaru’s lead as he gave you a soft smile, wanting to reassure you even though you were sad, he wanted to make you feel better somehow. “I… I understand what you’re saying, and why you feel the way you do… Believe me I’m… still trying to readjust even after all of that. It was… scary. We got out alive, but it’s almost like it happened yesterday… and I think about our friends, how we fought so hard just to stay alive and keep everyone else alive and-.” As he spoke, you put your arm around him and rested your head on his shoulder as a way to comfort him. Even if Izuku wasn’t the most expressive when it came to his own horrors, he still understood why you felt the way you did. However, you still knew that deep down his own suppressed trauma was starting to emerge so you offered him some comfort, and distracted him as he squeaked at the closeness and began to blush heavily at the feeling of your skin on his. “(Y-Y/N)-chan…!” “I’m so glad we got out alive… all of us…” You said softly with a little smile, that’s one thing Izuku was right about. All of you were alive, and all of you made it out alive. Just not quite the same, everything returned to normal, but some were still having nightmares after the war. Naturally, you gravitated towards the ones who needed the comfort because it distracted you from your own inner turmoil and because you were more worried about your friends than you were yourself. “(Y/N).” It was Shoto’s turn to say something, and you looked up to see him and pay attention, “Midoriya’s right. It is okay, but… it’s also okay, if you’re not okay. What you feel right now… it’s okay. Although… you will need to get more sleep, it won’t be okay if you fall asleep in class, or in a park…” Shoto knew how to reassure you, which surprised you but the boy was more empathetic than people took him for. And he made you smile because he was so understanding, that you felt a little more validated, glad to know that it was okay that you weren’t in the best spirits as of now. You picked your head up, giving him a nod and a smile. “Hee-hee… if I fall asleep in this park… I got you guys to wake me up don’t I?” You made a small joke, and made the two boys chuckle and smile at you, and Taromaru happily barked with a cheerful ‘arf’! “And we have Taromaru to be on guard for us.” Grinning, you pat your lap to gesture Taromaru to do jumpies, as the little pup leaped up and sat on your lap, earning a bigger smile from Izuku as he pet the small pup. Something Shoto couldn’t help but find very endearing, while he’s petted more cats before, Taromaru was a sweet dog, and he took a liking to the little guy as he gave him a small pet on the head. Only to cringe a little bit when he felt the little pup’s warm tongue lick at his palm. But this just made you and Izuku laugh out loud when you saw the look on his face, neither one of you seeing the light pink tinting his cheeks. And neither of you saw nor sensed that Katsuki was around and paused just in time to see you, Izuku and Shoto just talking about things, about how all of you felt, and then he watched the three of you just laughing and smiling together… He watched the scene with an indiscernible expression. He wondered where the hell you were at, and Denki said that you were with Izuku and Shoto at the park with Taromaru. Which alone infuriated Katsuki because you didn’t even bother telling him where you went and he had to have Denki tell him. Now you were with Deku and Icyhot? That didn’t surprise him, but it still bugged him. You’ve been doing that for far too long, and Katsuki began to wonder why them? And why not him? Was it because he wasn’t the best boyfriend sometimes? He had a feeling that had to be why, but it still bothered him. He’s known about your terrible eating habits, sleeping habits and poor health overall. You weren’t the best at taking care of yourself, he knew whenever you were down, and he called you on your bullshit several times, and even though you opened up. You didn’t open up nearly as much as you did to Izuku and Shoto. But why? Why couldn’t you open up to him? Why couldn’t you give him that kind of attention? Why didn’t you talk to him? Why couldn’t you confide in him when he knows damn well about what you were talking about too? All of you were there during the war and witnessed horrible things happening and experienced physical or emotional pain, so why weren’t you talking to him about it? He understood, he really did understand so why didn’t you come to him? These thoughts were screaming in his head as he narrowed his eyes, just seeing you laughing without a care in the world with those two, playing with your dog and probably forgetting that he even existed. He couldn’t take it anymore, he clenched his fists and sucked in a breath before leaving in a huff. You remained oblivious for some time until you and the guys decided that it was a good idea to get back to the dorms. Maybe a good nap would also help, and you had your Taromaru to make you feel comfortable too as you, Izuku and Shoto walked you back to the dorms. “Well… I’ll see you guys later okay? Tell your mamas I said ‘hi’ okay?” Izuku and Shoto told you on the way that they were going to visit their families, they had been doing that a little more as of late but especially after everything that had happened. Which you understood as they both smiled at you and nodded, reassuring you that they would definitely tell them that you said ‘hi’ as they both walked away and waved at you. Smiling, you waved at them as they left and walked back into the dorm building with your eager puppy following you with his tail wagging. Perhaps you should have gone home too, but once you got inside the building all you wanted to do was just go to your room and go to sleep or maybe just nap in the common room because it was closer. Maybe also ask Katsuki how he was doing, since you kind of forgot to tell him where you were going today. Not that you were obligated to but you knew that he would get worried about you and liked to make sure that you were okay, and while you appreciated how much he did care, there were some things you just didn’t and wouldn’t bother him about. Your problems were your problems, not his, he had plenty of problems and you weren’t going to drag him into any of them. So, you gave him his space, and you valued the space you had to be by yourself and just enjoyed your own company, or maybe one or two of your other closer friends simply because it was comfortable. You didn’t want to bother your boyfriend, and you knew that he preferred to do his own thing, even after everything that’s happened, it was just more comfortable knowing that he had his act together. Yeah that’s it, it made you feel better and less concerned as you sat down on the couch and let your puppy jump on with you. Time to either fall asleep or watch Netflix to fall asleep to. “Oi, Shitty Girl.” You perked up however once you heard a voice, Katsuki’s for that matter as you looked around and saw him leaning against the wall of the hall, hands in his pockets and with his signature scowl that made you smile a little bit. “Oh hey Kat… didn’t see you there.” Your tone was way too casual for his liking, and he hated the way you said it. You didn’t see him? He knew it, he knew you had been ignoring him. “Tch, I was standing here the whole time dumbass…” He indignantly remarked, but you just brushed that off as his typical brashness as you chuckled and shook your head. “Hee-hee, that’s my bad… but uh… hey I just got here, was gonna head up to my room but… don’t feel like it, I think I’ll just chill down here… feel free to sit with me and chill too.” It was almost a flirt as you smiled at him, but he wasn’t looking at you for some reason, instead he stared at his feet. As if he were trapped in the mindset where all of those thoughts were screaming at him to fixate on them instead. “Where did you go?” That’s all Katsuki could bring himself to ask you, even though he knew the answer because he was there and he saw you. Except you didn’t know that, and he bitterly thought that it’s because you ‘didn’t see him there’. “Oh… um…” The more you thought about it though, the more you started to feel bad since you normally did tell him where you went, but had started forgetting lately. “Nowhere really, just the local park nearby.” You shrugged it off though, since that’s where you liked to go there often. You and Katsuki liked to go there, just to walk around, but not as of late. Instead you went with other friends, including Izuku and Shoto and he was aware of that because he saw the pictures on your Instagram page of the places you went without him. “Did you go alone?” Katsuki knew the answer too, but he needed to hear what you had to say, hope for some kind of honesty from you, or just to get you to say more to him. Although you were starting to feel kind of nervous about his questions, and you started to wonder if he was feeling okay, but before you could ask, you answered his question. “No, no I wasn’t alone… I had Taromaru with me. And also, Izuku and Shoto had some free time so I let them tag along because I thought I could stand to get up out of here a little bit and I did, just to unwind.” So you could tell him that much? He wondered to himself, but just hearing Izuku and Shoto’s names and the fact that you were just so damn blasé about the entire thing and not even reading in between the lines was enough to set him off as he grunted aloud in pure aggravation.

“Deku! Deku! Deku! Icyhot! Icyhot! Icyhot!” 

He shouted it out, the two nicknames of the two people that he couldn’t bear to even hear at the moment and hearing them leave your lips just completely enraged him. 

However, his sudden outburst startled and made you gasp with wide (E/C) eyes because you didn’t expect that at all. And you had no idea why he just got so pissed. He looked so pissed, more so than normal but you didn’t even know why as you looked up at him with shock and confusion, but that just pissed him off even more. 

“DAMMIT!! You don’t even fucking think about ME anymore!” His trembling fists clenched at his side as he looked at the bewilderment all over your face. Unable to believe that you were that oblivious to him.

“W-What?! What the hell are you talking about…?” You didn’t get it, why was he so pissed off? What was he pissed off about now? Just because you spent time with Izuku and Shoto. They were your friends and you could spend time with them whenever you wanted. 

“Are you mad just because I was out with them?” You sighed when you assumed that he was probably just jealous as he normally was. “Katsuki I know you have a bug up your ass when it comes to Izuku and Shoto but honestly you need to grow-.” He seemed to drown out what you were saying, ignoring how much it was starting to sing but that didn’t matter. What mattered is that he wanted to know why you kept ignoring him. He wasn’t even jealous, or at least, it wasn’t typical petty jealousy, it came from a place of hurt. 

“What’s the deal... going to places with them? Telling them all of these important things...” He cut you off and asked you straight up why you felt so comfortable talking to them, but not him. He was your boyfriend, while he’d never force you, it still hurt knowing that you didn’t open up to him the way you could to other friends. 

But you didn’t know what the hell he was talking about, all you could tell was that he still seemed upset for some reason. “Oh... right, the park… well hey I mean... it’s not like the places I go with them to are places you’d even like, literally you don’t like the theater, you’re not a fan of the pet store and you’re not... wait, what are you getting at?” 

At first you were confused, but now you were starting to listen to what he was asking and what he was trying to get across to you.

“You’re struggling in class! And your health! I already knew but dammit... why don’t you tell ME these things?!” He was terrible with his feelings, but he thought he at least got his point across about how much he cared about your health and it hurt knowing that you didn’t tell him about anything you had an issue with. 

This you were partially aware of though as you almost looked ashamed for a moment because he was right. You had neglected to tell Katsuki about all of those things, both out of pride and out of shame, “That’s just because I don’t want you to worry Katsuki...” You said with a sigh, these were your problems. The last thing you wanted was to drag Katsuki into them because he’s been through so much and has fought so hard that you couldn’t and you wouldn’t just drag him into it. It was bad enough you made Izuku and Shoto give you the time of day over your dumb issues, you couldn’t do that to Katsuki too.

“Why?” But Katsuki still didn’t understand why you didn’t want him to worry, when he wanted to because you were his partner dammit. He wanted to worry about you because he cared about you, even if he had a hard time saying such a personal thing.  

“What?” You perked up with even more confusion when he asked ‘why’? Why what? 

“Why won’t you let me worry? When you’ll tell fucking Deku and Icyhot? Why do you let them worry about you? You just don’t care at all do you?” He looked away, fists still clenched and beginning to tremble at the feelings of anger and hurt twisting inside of his chest, and he couldn’t shake it off. 

Katsuki didn’t show weakness, he hated it, he always put up a strong front, but the fact that you kept these important things from him, but instead confided in Izuku and Shoto of all people, that hurt. And it hurt even more that you seemed more concerned about them than him, and opted to just ignore how he felt after he had been through the same things they had.  

“Katsuki... what are you? How dare you?! Of course I care!” You did care, of course you did, how could he even ask that? You were constantly worried about him; did you ask him about the things that bothered him? Well no you didn’t, but if he wasn’t so fucking proud, you’d ask him more. Except he didn’t, so you didn’t ask him that much because you knew that he’d just get annoyed with you. 

“You have a funny way of showing it!” He quickly replied, tone not quieting down because he didn’t believe it. He knew he had this ridiculous pride that kept him from speaking up much, but he still felt ignored by you over the past couple of months. After all Icyhot was proud in his own right, but that apparently didn’t stop you from going over to talk to him about how he felt. 

“Really? I have a funny way of showing it? Says the guy who’s ditched 2 of our dates and lets his pride and these dumb pissing contests with the guys get in the way of things. C’mon Katsuki, don’t be a hypocrite.” You almost got up, because you felt like leaving this dumb conversation. Sometimes you just could not with him, and right now you could not with him, especially if he was going to be this way as you shook his head, but Katsuki wasn’t going to let you just walk away from this. 

“I get it! I know! But… you don’t even talk to me! You don’t come to me, you don’t tell me anything! I’m not stupid! I know you’re not okay when you say you are, I know you’ve been pretending to be okay for the past couple of months, and I know you haven’t been okay since we faced off the damn villains! And then you… you fucking…” He seemed to struggle at that last part; he was well aware that he wasn’t the best boyfriend to you, but he wanted to make an effort, at least as of late. He made sure you didn’t stay up too late, and also made sure you had a decent breakfast instead of junk food, but lately he felt as if he’s just been getting nothing from you in return. 

“I what?” You shrugged your shoulders and raised your arms with an irritated look, wondering just what did you do this time to make him mad. 

“You... you got that damn dog!” Katsuki practically shouted, his tone completely incredulous but still angry as said dog perked up a bit, tilting his head in confusion.

“What...? What does Taromaru have to do with any of this?!” You were straight-up offended though, why was he getting mad at your dog now? What did Taromaru ever do to him?

“Stop acting like you don’t get it! After… all the shit that we’ve been through… I know that you’re not okay, you say you are but I know its bullshit… and yet you got a dog to make you feel better! A dog (Y/N)?! Why not me?! You should be holding ME at night, not a dog! It’s ME you should come to if you’re feeling messed up! Not Deku or Icyhot!” Katsuki went on a small tangent, pointing at himself to emphasize that he wanted you to talk to him, to come to him when you weren’t feeling okay and yet still you got Taromaru for emotional comfort and talked to Izuku and Shoto about your problems instead of him.

He was YOUR boyfriend, he’s the one you should be able to trust enough to seek comfort and company from, and yet you’ve been just ignoring him for months.

Finding comfort and company from others. Including from a freaking dog, over him. 

However, he winced ever so slightly when he heard a soft little whine coming from Taromaru and he saw the pup looking almost like he was sad. Bakugou wasn’t exactly as close to the dog as everyone else was, but while he didn’t like the affection you gave to the freaking dog instead of him, your boyfriend, it’s not like it was Taromaru’s fault. 

“Unbelievable... is your ego really that fragile you pompous asshole?” You did understand, but because of the way he was acting and because you were getting angry, you could only reply back with annoyance and that just made him even more annoyed. 

“Are you really that stupid?! Can’t you see what I’m trying to tell you, you idiot?! Do you really think that low of yourself? Or do you just not even care? Answer me that!” 

“Stop saying I don’t care! I do! I care about you Katsuki!” 

“Well I care about you too dammit!! Don’t you get that?! I know I can be a real shitty boyfriend and I know I have been, but… fuck!” He shut his eyes and shouted louder, seeming to be at war with himself until he opened his eyes and looked right into your (E/C) eyes. Eyes he had taken for granted as he took in your form, the parts he loved about you and the things he missed about you. The way you would smile at him or laugh, he missed that…

“(Y/N)… dammit… I love you...”

It’s not true…

“What...?” You asked incredulously, disbelief even in your expression as Katsuki just stared at you angrily, form trembling as if even he couldn’t believe the words he just said to you. But then his crimson eyes widened when he saw a small grin on your lips, a snicker leaving as you chuckled and shook your head in what sounded like amusement.

“Funny Katsuki... We’re not even half-way through our second year… I mean… no you can’t be serious… no... no way... I don’t... I don’t think that’s true...” 

Katsuki was the boy you loved, but you weren’t even sure if it was that ‘real’ kind of love that people liked to shove down your throat. Saying you didn’t know what real love was, and you started to think that maybe they were right.

So Katsuki couldn’t have meant it when he said the words to you right? You were aware that he had been through one hell of an ordeal throughout his entire first year here at UA, so you wondered if he even knew what love was. Or if he was just saying that due to the fact that he was clearly very emotional right now and that this was nothing but another one of his impulsive outbursts that he would just take back later.

“...”

Yet once the silence became uncomfortably apparent you finally glanced at him, and blinked a bit, almost wondering if you were seeing this right but you couldn’t even recognize the expression on your boyfriend. His eyes appeared to be glistening ever so slightly along with a subtle quiver of his lips.

That was definitely not like the Katsuki you were used to see.

Bakugou was not quiet. Not often. He was known for being loud, opinionated and honest to a fault, and he let everyone know it. He could be quiet, but this was a different kind of quiet. It was still, tense and making you increasingly uncomfortable especially when he gritted his teeth as if to attempt to keep his lips from trembling.

“So that’s how you feel…?”

His tone was different, it wasn’t the usual angry, gruff tone. In fact, he sounded like he was almost hurt by what you said.

No… “W-Wha…?” You didn’t want to believe it, was your boyfriend really that upset? You wanted to ask but the blond just swiftly turned his head and took a few steps away from you, and your eyes fell on his back and you flinched as soon as you heard the smallest hitch in his breath.  

“A-Are you… are you really crying?! Y-You don’t cry!”  You didn’t mean to raise your tone, but you were genuinely shocked. Not your best choice of words, yet still you couldn’t fight the shock, because you haven’t seen Katsuki cry since he was 9 years old. And based on the way his body started tremoring, you were starting to think you were right.  

“No!”

Katsuki only got more defensive, aside from feeling hurt by you now he just felt insulted as he brought an arm up to cover his eyes even if he had his back to you. God why was he so pathetic? 

But he wasn’t going to let you have the satisfaction of seeing him like this. No matter how much his body and stupid feelings were making him. He hated this. He hated that he was being so weak and then he hated that he was so weak that he was outright showing this much weakness to you. 

“H-Hey now… Kat…” You couldn’t lie, you weren’t comfortable with this, but at the same time you felt so bad for him, and then you were feeling even worse when it became apparent that he felt like you were ignoring him. And you wanted to say something and reach out for him, but as soon as he sensed you moving closer, he quickly backed away and glared at you with flushed cheeks and tears in his eyes.

“Dumbass!! Dammit (Y/N) you… you’re such an idiot!!”

He shouted at you, voice cracking slightly through his anger, and he quickly turned away to storm off away from you in a huff as he took off in a fast dash while you could only watch him with wide (E/C) eyes.

“Katsuki!” You called out for him, but the blonde left without another word and didn’t dare look over his shoulder as he just kept running. And you were left with your arm out in a futile attempt to reach for him as you just stood there with pure shock, confusion and guilt over what just happened between you and your boyfriend.

No way, you didn’t really make the ultra-tough guy, Lord Explosion Murder, up-and-coming rising hero Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight, Katsuki Bakugou cry? How was that possible?

Tell me I’ve been lied to Crying isn't like you Oh-oh-oh What the hell did I do? Never been the type to Let someone see right through Oh-oh-oh

“What did you just do…?” You asked yourself, even though you were also wondering what did Katsuki just do? Did he mean what he said when he said ‘I love you’ to you?

“No way…” Shaking your head, you fell right back onto the couch to massage your temples when you heard him say ‘I love you’ again. It just happened, yet in your mind it was still happening. The three words echoed in your head like a sad song on replay and you couldn’t bring yourself to change it to a happier tune.

Katsuki wasn’t the kind of guy to just be so open about his feelings or emotions. Crying wasn’t something he did often, telling you his honest feelings wasn’t something he did often. If anything, Izuku was the one lucky enough to get that kind of sincerity from him, not you.

You accepted that thought, even if it still made you sad there was nothing you could do about it, so you thought. “Katsuki… you idiot…” You wanted to blame him for this, for making you feel guilty about something you didn’t want to feel guilty about. Even though you did feel guilty, you felt horrible in fact.

Of course, you knew your boyfriend would never guilt-trip you, Katsuki never played dirty like that in anything. Yet you still felt like one lousy partner, if he was so upset about this that he blew up to you about it because he couldn’t ignore his feelings anymore and call you out on it. You were the one who usually called him on his bullshit, so having it be the other way around was far from pleasant.

A small whine interrupted your thoughts as Taromaru jumped on the couch to sit on your lap, looking over at you with what you believed was concern as he even licked your cheek. “Hee-hee…” Giggling a little bit and sadly smiling, you pet the puppy on the head.

“Taromaru… do you think… Katsuki really meant that? Do you really think he meant to say I love you?” You felt ridiculous for asking a puppy such a complicated question, especially about your abrasive boyfriend that Taromaru didn’t even get along with that much. Yet still the puppy responded by giving you more licks on your cheek as his tail wagged happily.

Snickering, you almost forlornly wondered if that was Taromaru’s way of saying ‘yes’ because you knew Katsuki wasn’t a liar. He was an emotional young man, but he wasn’t a liar, especially not about how he felt about others.

“He didn’t mean that… no… he couldn’t have… why me…?” You wondered to yourself with your eyebrows furrowed as you walked back to your room with Taromaru following you. There was nothing else you could do other than stumble over to plop down onto your bed.

You felt weak, still in shock from the three words Katsuki told you not long ago. It just happened, but that’s why you were still in shock that it just happened.

Katsuki had to be joking, but he wasn’t the joking type. So why did you doubt him?

“I love you…?” You repeated his words with uncertainty, muttering them to yourself as if you were trying to find some other underlying meaning to how Katsuki said it.

You can’t take those words back once you say them. Platonically or romantically. Which was it from him

“I love you…”

Saying the words with a little more thought, you wondered just what did Katsuki mean when he said them. Love was scary, saying it was scary, especially to your partner. You knew you shouldn’t have felt so hesitant about it but you couldn’t help it.

Maybe won't you take it back Say you were tryna make me laugh And nothing has to change today You didn't mean to say "I love you" I love you and I don't want to Oh-oh-oh

So instead of figuring it out yourself, you called your right-hand man and another one of your best guy friends.

“(Y/N)? What’s up?”

“Hitoshi I need your help with something.”

Maybe calling Hitoshi was a mistake, because he wasn’t the most touchy-feely guy in the world but he had a soft spot enough for you so you kinda hoped that he would tell you some decent enough advice or even reassure you with a pretty good interpretation of what Katsuki could have meant.

“He said that?” Hitoshi sounded just as shocked when you told him that yes, Katsuki said those three little words that even made him feel nervous as you sighed, nodding even though Hitoshi couldn’t see it, he knew you were.

“Yeah and like… I don’t think I reacted the way anyone would want someone to… I said that… I didn’t think he meant it, he got upset and then he just left…” The more you recounted what happened between you and Katsuki, the guiltier you felt as you cringed a bit when you heard a little tongue click coming from Hitoshi.

“What’s that Hitoshi? That’s your judgy tongue click I hear…” You muttered in annoyance as Hitoshi scoffed in amusement.

“Look… Bakugo’s not my friend at all, and I’m not on his side at all either but… yeah that probably wasn’t the best way to react to those three words… and to a guy like him? Yikes… his ego is so massive I’m sure that gave it a serious bruise.” He answered pretty bluntly because while he didn’t see himself partnering up with anyone soon, he knew that if his partner reacted that way, he wouldn’t have taken it very well.

“I now right…? God… I just… that’s such a serious word to tell someone… I feel like… maybe he really did mean it… that idiot’s been through so much… he almost died, he still has his power and all and is in one piece but… there was a moment where I thought… what if he didn’t open his eyes? What if he lost the power he’s been so proud of and… what if he wasn’t the same when he came back and just… I don’t know… I really just… don’t want to even go back to anything like that, even if it was months ago it’s like it happened yesterday and…” As you opened up to Hitoshi about how confused you were about what Katsuki said, you also shared how you really felt about him, and he began to think maybe that’s why you didn’t believe him when he said he loved you.

“Now I see what he means, I’m doing it now… oh my god… you know… I’ve been worrying about literally everyone else… except for Katsuki… I mean I AM worried, I’m worried about him all the damn time but… I don’t know… somewhere along the lines I just… stopped showing it because I have… SO much on my mind, I’m SO fucking worried about my other friends and I’m not afraid of them pushing me away so it’s easier to show them but I… I shouldn’t have just ended up pushing him away in the process…” But then you realized that you were totally opening up to Hitoshi about your problems, and that was another reason Katsuki got upset because you could do this to other people but not him? Well, he did too but you assumed he never really opened up to anyone.

“Hey now… it’s fine really… I mean it’s okay that you feel bad about it, but you’ve been through a lot too, don’t beat yourself up. Look… I wasn’t there when all that stuff went down but… I see what you mean and it makes perfect sense. After everything you’ve seen and been through, the idea of loving someone becomes scarier. I mean… you said everyone came back in pretty bad shape… I remember how you were scared as hell, so… while it wasn’t the best way to react, I don’t blame you for how you reacted (Y/N). But… Bakugo is kind of an ass so… I guess you can explain it to him? Maybe give it a shot… and if he doesn’t get it, just let me know so I can kick his ass.” He and Bakugo weren’t really friends, so he wouldn’t have a problem brainwashing him and kicking him where it hurts should he hurt your feelings in any way.

You couldn’t help but laugh at the thought, even though if anyone could beat Katsuki, Hitoshi can. Katsuki literally can’t keep his trap shut so you were pretty confident that Hitoshi could beat him, but right now, you didn’t want it to lead to that. “Thanks Tosh… I’ll talk to him. I haven’t done that enough so… I will… thanks again…” Sighing, you smiled even though Hitoshi couldn’t see it, he knew you were smiling.

“No problem (Y/N). See you later all right? But… I guess… call me whenever you need anything else…” He ended on a slightly awkward note, but you knew that was just his way of trying to act all cool as you snickered a bit.

“Of course Hitoshi. Back at you… thanks again.” Your tone was amused as he just scoffed before the two of you said your goodbyes and hung up. Only you were left with disappointment to no longer have a friend to talk to and even more disappointment with yourself when you realized how you messed up with Katsuki.

You didn’t mean to; you really didn’t mean to but it was hard. After everything Izuku and Shoto had been through, you were scared for them and it was easier to get them to open up somewhat. Or that’s just what you told yourself, you felt more comfortable worrying about them, and not so much with Katsuki.

He was so proud and strong that you didn’t think you could hurt his feelings. But you did.

He told you he loved you, probably out of desperation to get you to see how he really felt, that he wanted you and needed you and you just laughed at it and didn’t even believe him.

“Katsuki…” You closed your teary eyes when you felt heat pooling in them and wiped any that tried to slip away and quickly went to his number. Calling him would be much too after what just happened, so you just left your phone like that on his number and tried to get your mind off of it by watching TV for a few hours.

You were terrified. You were terrified of talking to him about it, terrified to apologize after hurting him like that because what if he didn’t forgive you? What if he really was going to take it back? What if he was going to break up with you? What if you hurt him worse than you thought especially when he was clearly still traumatized from the war?

The more horrifying thoughts came to your mind, the more you felt almost dizzy as you just stared blankly with wide (E/C) eyes and you couldn’t even hear Taromaru’s barks. Until his paws on your legs made you blink and return to reality as his anxious whimpering and whines became more apparent.

“S-Sorry boy, I’m sorry, I’m okay…” You inhaled and exhaled deeply, remembering to just breathe as you pet the puppy with a shaky smile.

“I gotta talk to him…” Taking another deep breath, you grabbed your phone, it was still on Katsuki’s number and you didn’t call him, but you did send him a message.

‘I wanna talk to you.’

Those were the only words you could bring yourself to text, and of course you didn’t get a reply back. You knew you wouldn’t but you still hoped that he would reply to you back.

Waiting and sitting on your bed, your nerves were quickly becoming frenzied when the seconds and minutes felt much too slow. You could only anxiously await a message from your dear boyfriend if you would even get one as you lied down on your bed, eyes still glued to your phone just waiting for a vibration or the notification sound to go off.

Taromaru lied down right by your stomach as if he could sense how anxious you were, and all you could do to soothe yourself was stroking his fur and pet him gently.

A sharp gasp left you when the notification sound went off, and you instantly sat up from your bed, throwing your hand to your heart in alarm as you looked to see your phone glowing. You quickly snatched it up to see if it was from Katsuki.

‘Fine.’

Your breathing came out in soft little pants, a surge of relief slowly coursing through your being when Katsuki did answer you. But you blinked your tired (E/C) eyes in shock when you realized that at least two hours had passed by.

Taromaru whimpered up at you softly, rubbing his head against your side and reaching up so he could lick your face as if he was trying to comfort you. Smiling softly, you giggled and felt a smidgen more courage to reply to him.

‘First floor when everyone’s asleep? Or my room?’

Nobody was on the first floor at night-time, and you couldn’t be outside the dorm building now that the school’s security had been doubled after the events of the war. So you would have to either talk to Katsuki in private in the comfort of your room or the first floor.

‘Whichever stupid.’

He was clearly still mad and you sighed a little bit as you replied with a ‘My room’, wondering if that was the best choice as you petted Taromaru for more comfort. You were scared when the war between the villains happened, so why were you so fucking terrified to just talk with your boyfriend? It shouldn’t be that hard…

Up all night on another red eye I wish we never learned to fly I-I-I Maybe we should just try To tell ourselves a good lie I didn't mean to make you cry I-I-I

The rest of the day was awkward. Even on the moments you and Katsuki crossed paths, neither one of you could bring yourselves to say anything. You both agreed to talk in your rooms and that was that. Which is why having dinner with the others wasn’t very comfortable because you could both feel each other’s presences when you were in the same rooms.

You had to ignore it though, for now you had to pretend in front of your friends and classmates that everything was okay and that nothing was on your mind. Just as you had been for the past couple of months, so it shouldn’t have been hard.

Thankfully they all brought it, except maybe Izuku and Shoto, but this time they didn’t ask about it since they had the uncanny ability to tell that this issue wasn’t quite like the ones you shared with them earlier today.

Although you ate as much as you could, your stomach still had butterflies because you were finally going to talk to your boyfriend after what felt like months. Even the small talk the two of you made wasn’t much talking, the more you thought about it, it has been a while since you had a real, thoughtful conversation with Katsuki. And that was why he was so angry with you, something that still shocked you but that’s what it was.

You just hoped that Katsuki had cooled down somewhat after the argument you both had today. Once everyone else turned in, that was your cue to just go back to your room, with Taromaru in tow as he followed right by your side.

A small, but sharp gasp left you though as you picked your head up to see no one other than your Katsuki leaning on the wall right next to your door, just waiting for you. How long had he been there? You wondered, but now you were a mix of nervous and relieved. Nervous because you could still see the scowl on his face, and it made you wonder if he was still angry with you, and relieved because he was really here and had enough maturity to come to you despite his visible anger.

“Hey Kat.” You spoke and gave him a small wave when you got close enough to him, and although you didn’t expect an answer, Katsuki surprised you by giving you a small huff in response.

You opened the door for him to let him into your room, and you also wondered how long it’s been since you last had him in your room as he took a seat on your chair and you sat on your bed. How pitiful. Katsuki wasn’t a perfect boyfriend, and you liked to complain about that, but this just made you realize that you weren’t exactly an ideal partner either.

But that’s why you were both here, to hopefully talk about it in a peaceful manner without arguing. Taromaru was here to ease your anxiety, you just hoped Katsuki wouldn’t be bothered by that, but he was more mature than that despite what he said about the dog earlier.

“I think a talk between us is long overdue…” You spoke up to break the uncomfortable silence because you knew Katsuki wasn’t going to do that.

“Now you wanna talk?” He asked somewhat bitterly, hands in his pockets as he didn’t even look over at you as you crossed your arms nervously with a sigh.

“Yes… we… haven’t done that enough, and… that’s partially my fault…” Now you lost the ability to look at him, and of course hearing you say that actually made your boyfriend glance over at you. “I’m not… trying to excuse myself, at all Katsuki. What I said earlier, I meant it… the part about my problems at least, I thought… by not saying anything at all, would make it easier on you. You’re a very busy guy, you’ve been through enough already from last year… it’s been a few months but… I didn’t want to just dump all my problems on you…” As you began your explanation, you fought the irritation when you heard Katsuki scoff.

“Yet that doesn’t stop you from dumping all your problems on Deku and Icyhot, and the other extras…” He reminded you with a small growl, the truth was he didn’t see it as you dumping your problems on someone, instead he just saw it as you opening up to and confiding in everyone else but him. Your boyfriend.

“I know…” You didn’t want to fight with him, so you didn’t. He wasn’t wrong either way, “I hate thinking that’s what I do… but I know that I… confide in them more I just… I don’t know, it’s stupid… it’s not fair to you…”

Katsuki’s eyes narrowed, he didn’t want you to think he didn’t WANT you to confide in your friends, he just wanted you to confide in him a little more, “Those morons are your friends… I just can’t believe you don’t even think that you could talk to me too…” He grumbled in slight embarrassment, even though he’s embarrassed himself plenty today by nearly falling apart in front of you earlier.

However, those were the right words for you to hear as you couldn’t help but sigh in slight relief. You knew Katsuki wasn’t the type of guy to just tell you what you couldn’t do. So, he was just hurt, but because you were the one that he felt hurt by. You didn’t mean to hurt his feelings like that, but you did it.

“I can’t believe it either…”

“So what the hell (Y/N)?” He gruffly asked, awaiting your answer so he could know just what was so wrong that you felt the need to hide all of your problems from him and leave him out of important things that he DID care about. “Why are you leaving me out of things in your life that matter?”

His question stung as you knew you had to give him an answer, he deserved that much and you couldn’t just not talk when you said you wanted to have this talk with him. It didn’t make it any less nerve-wracking though as you inhaled and exhaled. You didn’t expect him to take mercy on you but you could see a glimmer of concern in his displeased expression.

“Katsuki I’m sorry…” You began with an apology, knowing that he did deserve an apology first, “I’m sorry that I… I made you feel like I was ignoring you… I swear I never meant to…” Shaking your head, you braved up to actually look him in the eyes.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t care about you, I care about you… so much… I know it feels like I don’t, but I do… I really, really do and…” Swallowing hard, you had to calm yourself down so you could try and explain it to him.

“I just…” You sighed as you began, voice and figure trembling as you knew this had to be said, “I don’t feel like… talking to you about my problems is the right thing to do… to… tell you everything that’s wrong with me when… it’s hard… it’s hard enough knowing that you’ve gone through… so much worse than I have.” You averted his eyes for a moment, unable to see his slightly indignant look.

Maybe won't you take it back Say you were tryna make me laugh And nothing has to change today You didn't mean to say "I love you" I love you and I don't want to Oh-oh-oh

“Katsuki… you’re a proud guy. I don’t want to make you feel like… I’m undermining you or bruising your pride by making you open up too. Because… I’ve tried, and… when none of those attempts worked, I thought… it would just be better for me to let it be, and only give you what you needed when you came for it. I wanted to be… someone you could count on for a ‘pick me up’ or someone you can hug when you need one. And that’s what I did, but I never… sought you out because… I didn’t want to bruise your pride by doing that, I let you have your space, as you let me have mine.” You explained as best as you could only the first half as you finally glanced into his eyes. His expression hard to read although his eyes were still narrowed as he seemed to permanently looked irritated.

He probably was, but you didn’t know that he was taking your words into consideration. He was pissed at you for closing yourself off, but thinking about what you said just made him remember that he closed himself off just as much, if not more so than you.

“I thought I was putting you first, by giving you what you needed from me and supporting you from the sidelines while I took care of my own things, did things by myself so it didn’t… inconvenience you. With everything that was going on, I thought that I couldn’t possibly bother you with anything going on with me, I knew that you wouldn’t just brush off any issue I brought up but… I still didn’t bring anything up, I wanted to deal with my own problems, I wasn’t going to make my problems yours… and… especially after what we have been through? No way… you’ve been through… too much for me to bother you… and… honestly that’s another thing…” Your (E/C) eyes dulled the more you thought about how the aftermath of the war had really impacted you and the fact that school hadn’t ceased to stress you out.

Katsuki was heeding your words, and as angry as he wanted to be at you for thinking that, he could tell that you really believed that you would just be a problem if you opened up about your problems. He was hurt, but now he had to take a little time to try and understand that. He knew he wasn’t the best boyfriend, he knew he had his own issues and that they had affected you, and that’s something you were afraid of which had inadvertently lead you to neglecting him.

“When… when you said…” You almost couldn’t speak though when you thought about how Katsuki said those words, a thought that made your face warm as Katsuki himself began to blush and grunt lowly. He still couldn’t believe he was dumb enough to tell you that…

“When you said that you loved me that just… that was really fucking scary…”

You were fucking scared. Fucking scared of the words ‘I love you’, because there was no way to take those words back once you said it. And Katsuki told them to you, whether he meant it or not, there’s no way he could take it back.

“Katsuki… I’m… fucking scared… when you say you love someone… and even if you mean it… it’s just so painful. After I almost lost you, I knew that… I did… I really did… l-love you a-and… when you love someone… i-it’s just something else you can lose… that war… really made me realize that… there’s no guarantee… what if I really had… lost you? I don’t… I don’t want to imagine it.” You willed your voice to remain steady despite the tears threatening to form as you inhaled and exhaled to keep breathing, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Katsuki.

“Loving someone changes things… it changes everything, after the things we’ve been through… and… it makes me realize… so many things that hurt and yet… I want that at the same time… God… it makes no sense but… Katsuki…” Biting your bottom lip, you wiped at your eyes to stop any tears that wanted to sneak up and fall.

“I’m afraid because I… I do love you too…” Your tears shined in your glossy (E/C) eyes as one traitorous tear dripped down your face as Katsuki’s eyes only slightly widened as soon as you said the same words. A little late, but still.

But he hated seeing you cry, he hated how miserable you looked, and he almost regretted making you talk to him like this. But he had been wanting to talk to you so he could make you feel better somehow and let you know that he does care about you and wants you to be okay.

“And I’m afraid of that…” Chuckling ruefully you tried to smile at him, but it was wobbly and weak as he scoffed in response. He didn’t want to be insensitive, but that was simply part of his nature.

“Because I’m a shitty boyfriend?” He asked you after your explanation, and you blinked some tears in bewilderment at his response.  “You know it’s true.” He hated admitting it, but it was true. He shouldn’t have acted like such a jerk to you and pushed you away like he had done before, because while you were still with him, you ended up pushing him away too.

He knew that it was his fault too though, “I’m surprised you’ve put up with me for this long Shitty Girl.” He admitted that too, because he knew that he wasn’t the best partner to you, but the fact that you were still with him even after all of that meant that you meant what you had said.

You meant when you said that you loved him, just as he had meant when he said that he loved you.

“I hate… feeling so weak, more than anything… I can’t fucking stand it… the Sludge Villain, when the league of villains had me… when All-Might…” As Katsuki for once began to tell you even more about how he felt, you saw him grunt and struggle to even say how he felt at his lowest when All-Might had to retire. Because of his weakness, because he couldn’t even save himself and it caused his hero to go into retirement.

“When All-Might had to retire… because of me. Then… when damn Deku… went after that guy…” He willingly let himself get hit, to save Izuku and you knew it. But you couldn’t even look at him after he endured such a fatal wound that you were glad hadn’t killed him. Yet still, even in that moment Katsuki felt so weak for being unable to do anything else.

And now he felt so weak for even showing you a little bit of weakness, crying like an idiot and complaining to you about you not giving him attention when he didn’t give you enough attention either.

“I’m so fucking pathetic… it’s not even your fault…” He grabbed at his hair when he thought he was going to break even just a little bit, but then he felt your hand on his shoulder as you gave him a soft, concerned look.

“You are NOT pathetic… and you are NOT weak… everything that happened was beyond anyone’s control… just because they happened… doesn’t mean it’s your fault but Katsuki… it’s okay to FEEL weak… it’s not okay to think you ARE weak because you’re not… you’re the strongest man I know…” Placing your hands on his shoulders, you looked him in the eyes to tell him how much you admired him.

Katsuki was visibly shocked, touched, but also skeptical, like he didn’t or he couldn’t believe you. “Yes I am! I-I can’t even handle it when you don’t give me a little attention even though I’m the asshole who didn’t give YOU attention, dammit! I just fuck everything up…!” He raised his voice, but there was no anger towards you, it was all aimed at himself. There was anger, anguish and so much self-loathing it broke your heart.

“I meant what I said… I do love you but… you’re also right… I had no idea where you even were. I had no idea if you were even okay, if a damn villain got to you or not… when it was all over, all I could think about is that if you got hurt… it would have been my fault because I didn’t do a damn thing to help you…” Katsuki recalled what he could even though he faded in and out of consciousness after the war had ended and he remembered seeing your face when he and Izuku eventually woke up.

He was so relieved to see you alive and well with a few cuts and scratches, but what if it were worse? What if you had been one of the casualties and weren’t so lucky?

“I hate this feeling so fucking much… I hate that loving you makes me feel like this… it’s not even your fault… I-I just… I hate the thought of losing you… I hate being scared of losing you and I hate that I’m a shitty boyfriend who didn’t even help you when you needed it…” He willed back the tears, but they still dripped down his cheeks as your first instinct was to put your arms around him, holding him close as you shut your eyes. Your own tears streamed down your face.

The smile that you gave me Even when you felt like dying

“It’s okay…” You said to him softly, but those two words were enough to send Katsuki over the edge as he pulled away from you even though he didn’t want to leave your arms, he felt like he didn’t even deserve it.

“It’s NOT okay! How is it okay?! I shouldn’t… I should hate that!! I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t be so weak and-!” He wanted to scream more, he wanted to tell you that you shouldn’t even be with him anymore and that you were right to push him away, but you weren’t going to let him.

“No Katsuki it IS… you and I… we’re NOT okay… you’re NOT okay… and I’m NOT okay… that’s why we’re here though… because I should have told you that I wasn’t okay… yes… I wish you told me that you weren’t okay but now I’m telling you… it’s okay… because… I’m still with you because… I want to be… I understand… I just told you that I’m afraid too… and knowing that you are too… don’t you understand how better that makes me feel?” You asked him, the fear evident in your tone and the mistiness in your eyes visible for Katsuki to furrow his brows.

“I want to love you… because I do! I don’t want to be afraid… I don’t want to be afraid of loving the person I want to love but… I am… and yet… at the same time I feel like… I won’t be afraid because you are Katsuki Bakugo. You’re… You’re Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight, the strongest hero I know, the strongest man I know, and… with you I just… I feel like I won’t have to be afraid anymore… how can I be afraid? When I have a man like you in my life?” You smiled crookedly at him as your tears continued to fall, body trembling because even though you were still scared. Katsuki somehow always managed to make you feel safe, protected and at ease despite everything.

You couldn’t tell what he was feeling, you just saw him looking at you with a mix of slight awe, surprise and other emotions you couldn’t read. Katsuki just stared at you, he heard your words and listened to every single thing you told him, saw the look in your eyes the entire time as he could see the love, fear and determination swirling in those (E/C) orbs. He didn’t realize how much he needed to hear that from you, he had been wanting you to hold onto him for so long and yet he pulled away from you like the idiot he was.

So hearing you, seeing you stay with him and tell him how you still wanted to be with him even though you were scared, it made him feel like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He hated being weak, but he loved being with you, he loved how you made him feel. He needed to be better, hearing you say that you loved him, made him realize that he needed to be better for you.

“Tch…” He scoffed a little bit, making you perk up when you saw one of his trademark smirks even though you knew that he was still afraid, like you were. “You’re not wrong (Y/N)… loving someone is scary but… you’re also not wrong that you don’t have anything to be afraid of with me around… we’ll kill our fears together.”

He declared with his usual determination that made your eyes well up with more tears, a watery smile on your lips as you snickered and snorted at such a phrase. “W-What are you laughing at?!” However, Katsuki couldn’t help but flush in slight embarrassment when you were laughing at him again, except this wasn’t out of mockery he could tell that much. He still didn’t like it though.

“I-I’m sorry! It’s just… that’s… another reason why I love you… you’re right… I want to do that… kill our fears together… you and me Katsuki.” Your smile didn’t fade as you took his hand in yours, and Katsuki promptly squeezed your hand, his own smirk not leaving.

“Good.” He sounded satisfied, but mostly relieved. Relieved that you and him were okay, or that you were at least going to be together since neither one of you wanted to end this despite the issues that sprung up.

“Katsuki…”

But then he froze up as soon as he suddenly felt you loosen your grip on his hand, and he grunted and nearly exclaimed in shock when you threw your arms around him in the tightest hug he’s felt from you.

We fall apart as it gets dark I'm in your arms in Central Park There's nothing you could do or say I can't escape the way, I love you I don't want to, but I love you Oh-oh-oh

“I love you Katsuki…” You whispered quietly as your tears silently fell. The fear was lingering, but  still made you feel safe enough that you held onto him tight. Unwilling to let go as Katsuki returned the gesture by embracing you just as tightly.

God, he didn’t know how scared he was to lose you until he thought of the worst that could have happened. He was still scared, still afraid to lose you and to love you even though he did love you. He really loved you.

“I love you too (Y/N)…” He said the three words to you again, and your tear-filled (E/C) eyes widened when you heard them again. Your heart pounding as they made you feel less afraid and more at peace as you warmly smiled, resting your head into his shoulders and softly smiling even as you felt your own shoulder growing wet from his tears.

You knew it. You truly did love Katsuki, even if you were afraid of the fact that you loved him. And you figured out that Katsuki was afraid of that fact as well. He loved you, it’s why he told you the words even if he didn’t want to.

He knew he had to because it was true, he loved you. It just freaked him out that he did, that he loved someone.

Yet Katsuki wasn’t going to change those feelings, he loved you and he was willing to face that fear if it meant getting to love you the way he did. And you were too, you didn’t want to stop loving him even though you were scared. At least you and Katsuki would be scared together.

“Aroooo~.”

But the two of you opened your eyes when you remembered that Taromaru was still here, resting at the foot of your bed and having woken up from his little nap. You couldn’t help but giggle a bit, even becoming aware of how dark it had gotten and how late it was. Or maybe it wasn’t late, but still you felt sleepy after those tears and emotionally opening up to your boyfriend.

“Taromaru has the right idea… Kat… spend the night here?” You asked him with those puppy dog eyes that annoyed Katsuki as he scoffed, but like hell he was going back to his room. He wanted to be with you.

“Duh. I’m not going anywhere…” He reminded you with a soft little smirk that made you blush warmly and grin at him. This was good, you felt so much better to be with him after you and him talked together and cried together and opened up about your fears of loving each other. And that the two of you would keep working this out together, overcome more fears together as partners.

Finally, you felt like you could sleep comfortably tonight as you were lying down in your bed, Katsuki’s arms were around you as the two of you spooned and cuddled, Taromaru still at the foot of your bed.

“I love you…” You repeated the words to him softly, the words you were still afraid of but because of Katsuki you felt brave enough to tell him that you loved him regardless of your fears. And Katsuki knew it was scary, but still, he wanted to love you, and he knew you wanted to love him too, so he wasn’t going to let a little fear stop him from telling you.

“I love you too.”

[preemshots]

johnny + the nomads lore

alright, i know this is a screenshots blog but i'm going to go ahead and start dropping some juicy lore tidbits as i dig them up. part of what i'm doing outside of just photo diarying is shard hunting, and BOY is there a lot the game likes to hide in those little shards for idiots like me who like to read so we can write unnecessarily accurate fanfiction! 

full disclosure, i know jack shit about the TTRPG/cyberpunk 2020 rulebook except what i read in the wikis. 

so here’s my lore roundup so far of everything i know about johnny joining the nomads

we know johnny likes to narrate v’s quest objectives. here’s the first mention where he says it himself: 

during the voodoo boys quest "transmission" there's a shard in the maglev tunnels beside the ice bath, presumably from brigitte's research into johnny in the first place:

okay, so the timeline is this: johnny joins the nomads after trying and failing to rescue alt. johnny hides out in the badlands for some years. then he and rogue come back to night city and nuke arasaka tower help alt escape the arasaka subnet by uploading liberator to their network once and for all.

this ultimately makes sense. in alt’s flashback, we meet santiago, who is a nomad/connected to nomads, joins rogue and johnny when they're trying to get alt back, and eventually becomes the leader of the aldecaldos. 

part of santiago’s TTRPG lore is that he, johnny, and rogue have to lay low in the badlands with nomads after they storm arasaka headquarters (i am aware the game takes many liberties with the original lore so who knows the full accuracy of anything from the original rulebooks)

ENDING spoilers: in the rogue+johnny storming AHQ ending, it's revealed that rogue has a son while they're prepping for the job. if you eavesdrop on her calling him while you're at the afterlife, you hear her tell her son to (paraphrasing here) "pull over and look at the stars", which immediately made my brain go to: nomad, badlands, santiago = dad? maybe. (santiago also canonically has a son according to the TTRPG lore)

this immediately reminded me of another interesting shard that i believe you can find in multiple locations around night city: “"what REALLY happened in arasaka tower?“

i love this dang shard. at first i thought it was just a cute conspiracy with some juicy gossip (and i love how 99% of the shards that mention johnny in this game are reminding us that he's not a real rebel, he's a poser) but it brings some interesting shit together

one: it tells us where johnny got his hands on the nukes! he and the nomads jumped a militech convoy and jacked some bombs! 

which is never directly explained, even as saburo arasaka is interrogating him shortly before using soulkiller. very nice of johnny to protect his homies like that. 

...or maybe he didn’t. saburo emphasizes that the dead don’t lie like the living do, and we don’t know what exactly arasaka did to johnny’s construct in mikoshi. 

it also explains why the obvious media narrative is that militech nuked arasaka, a nice neat political bow to the end of the fourth corpo wars, which is an entire section of the TTRPG lore that makes my eyes cross when i read it. 

it also makes the star/nomads ending extremely interesting, because i originally believed it was the ending where V’s journey deviates the most from rewalking johnny’s path... which also has weird implications if the johnny’s nomad era is being kept from v. 

(this also leads into my belief that the star ending/the devil ending are narratively two sides of the same coin, but that’s a WHOLE ANOTHER POST for another day.)

TWO, just straight up the fact that they turned the raid where they actually obtained the nukes into an action flick BD that pretty much ANYONE could watch. who the hell was doing that?? 

well, who else other than the guy who johnny (optionally) punched the shit out of for filming alt's death: thompson, media guy, and according to rogue, “bad luck”. because you know, recording your crimes is straight up evidence that can be used against you.

during the alt flashback we meet thompson, and just after that in cyberspace before meeting alt, johnny tells v that he has no idea what happened to him and that they never worked together again. 

oh, johnny, you lying bastard man

this is blatantly untrue, and if V even had two braincells and better memory than a goldfish they'd know this--in the first flashback sequence where johnny and rogue nuke arasaka tower, thompson is on the comms as they ride the AV towards AHQ, questioning their plans and use of violence. 

which leaves me with some questions, like where the fuck is thompson, why does johnny keep lying about this, why doesn't johnny say almost anything about how you interact with the aldecaldo clan nonstop throughout the game when he himself may have been a member of the family for some time?? is he continuing to protect the nomad clan that saved his ass? we know that a lot of his flashbacks are unreliable at best, that johnny changes shit up as desired when presenting V with his memories.

in 2077, you can also find that there’s a remake of “badlands raid” in the shard “new release braindances” that is pretty much everywhere. that shard doesn’t add much, but does mention something along the lines of “many people don’t know the ending of the original” which probably means johnny punched thompson out for filming again, or something. 

my running theories: rogue ditched santiago and the aldecaldos with johnny and thompson to nuke arasaka tower, and when johnny died she was stuck looking for (heavily implied by johnny here:) corpo sellout ways to survive.

adam smasher obviously has something to do with this since johnny/rogue's vendetta against the guy isn't entirely clear beyond the smokescreen of "he killed johnny and he sucks". i have done 0 research into this though i'm tired of typing okay

i obviously cannot be certain i have found everything related to this in the game as i’m not even done with this playthrough where i’m trying to pay attention, but i hope this is fun for someone else to dig into. 

enjoy, fellow silverhand freaks

EDIT: additional findings

ALRIGHT I HAVE DONE MORE DIGGING AND I AM BACK WITH MORE NOMAD/JOHNNY FINDINGS. these ones are kind of a bummer but VERY interesting.

there’s a shard called “excerpts from a history of the nomads by bb pires” that goes into detail about how nomads came to be

there’s an interesting quote in it: It's hard to imagine a group less inclined to wandering than farmers, but in fact they were the ones who sparked the age of nomads. Natural catastrophes, crops ravaged by bioplagues, armed conflicts and martial law allowing corporations to speculate and privatize land - all this forced them into a life on the road.

when you ask johnny why he wants to take down arasaka, he begins by referencing this himself!!

it’s a little awkward to imagine a nomad V doesn’t also know what he’s referencing, but hey, V is the fool because we are as players and that’s only one life path... so sure.

johnny also has unique dialogue during this scene about a nomad origin V, telling them that he’s been trying to understand how V thinks, and came to the conclusion that “their family was a crutch” and essentially made them stupid because they always had a safety net (lmao johnny calling v privileged basically)

BUT this also may reference why johnny would find it confusing as hell that V doesn’t immediately share the views he does when nomads, in terms of values, seem to be more aligned with johnny than V is. but once again V is the fool for a reason and this is all my own speculation so YOU KNOW.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, at the end of chippin’ in, when you ask johnny what he meant by letting down his friends... santiago is named directly

i thought this was interesting since the only glimpse of their relationship that we get is seeing johnny meeting santiago via the alt flashback for the first time.

so now it’s obvious that while johnny and rogue were with the nomads their friendship developed, and johnny went on to disappoint santiago in some way by being his normal dickhead self

but HOW? how did he disappoint santiago? is santiago even still alive?? did smasher kill santiago and is this why rogue mentions during chippin’ in that she wants smasher to “settle a score” moreso than avenge johnny??

the only additional hints i have are from this shard, which you can find at the aldecaldos camp: “nomads at ground zero”

i’m just gonna transcribe here and bold for emphasis:

It was no secret that Night Corp offered generous pay and, in some cases, free cyberware and biomonitor upgrades to anyone willing to help clean up the crater of radioactive rubble at AHQ ground zero. Some firsthand accounts recall the incessant ticking of Geiger counters, like the loud buzz of cicadas in summer. In retrospect, we can only guess how many "crater cleaners" lost their lives to radiation sickness shortly thereafter. Both the city government and Night Corp have claimed casualties were kept to a minimum, while providing no official statistics to substantiate the claim. That being said, they have never been under pressure to release such figures. After all, most rescue, engineering, and rubble cleanup teams were not local Night Citizens, but nomads. Surprised you didn't know? Don't be. It is a fact many history courses tend to overlook. The city employed hundreds of nomad mercenaries, primarily from clans in Aldecaldo nation. These nomads were hungry for gainful work and the city needed experts who were not only experienced but brave enough to knowingly put their lives on the line - all so Arasaka could one day erect another tower in its place. But history is not without its sense of irony. These nomads, who so deliberately live outside our so-called "system," came to its very rescue. Not for the first time. And not for the last.

a main theme we find in this game is the idea that the system of corps and exploitation cannot be stopped by grandiose rebellious gestures--no amount of samurai songs, assassinating mayors, or even planting nukes in towers will change things. yet johnny, his friends and mercs at atlantis in the 2020s, including rogue, chose to rebel any way they could, thinking it better than not. johnny criticizes her lack of rebellious spirit CONSTANTLY in 2077.

but ultimately, johnny, trapped in mikoshi, didn’t get to see the outcome of what detonating the AHQ nukes did to night city’s fragile ecosystem. rogue, however, did--and likely watched their former allies, the aldecaldos, be forced to take dangerous work at AHQ’s ground zero (from lack of other opportunities as detailed in this shard), then die from radiation sickness throughout the following decades, all as a result of what she and johnny did to try and fight the system. and she also watched all the former mercenaries of atlantis be hunted down by arasaka.

so rogue sees firsthand what the cost of rebellion is and johnny doesn’t. and nomads, considered the most free of any of the factions we encounter in the game, are the cost.

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

hi! random question that you’re not obligated to answer (i just love your ka metas): do you think that aang acted like he was entitled to katara’s affection? sorry for the bother if this is a question you’ve gotten before, i’m just curious about your thoughts

Hi anon! It’s always lovely to hear people like my metas 💛 And you’re in luck - I have not gotten this specific question before, though I have answered similar questions, and as such I will probably link those posts throughout.

Forewarning: I use the general you very liberally in this post, so like. It’s not directed at you, anon djhskdjsajs I don’t want you think my sarcasm is in response to your ask (your ask was very lovely!! 💕)

Okay. Let’s get started! The funniest thing about the (nonsensical) claim that Aang acted “entitled” to Katara’s affection is that there is no canon evidence to support it. Opponents more often than not can only bring up one (1) episode as an example of supposed “entitlement” because no other Kataang interactions in the series demonstrate entitlement from either end! Like, wow. Talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel. And I’m sure we all know what episode opponents love to propagate, don’t we?

Yep, you guessed it: “The Ember Island Players.”

From the get-go, the fact that people who vigorously oppose Kataang essentially only appeal to the contents of one episode for Aang’s supposed “entitlement” is a major indicator that, in fact, the entitlement is not truly there, and that those opponents are actually misconstruing the entire episode. I mean, if you are trying to make an argument about something but you only have one piece of “evidence” to support your claim, then a) any half-decent teacher/professor would fail you, rip and b) that’s a sign that maybe your claim doesn’t hold water. If you can’t find evidence to support it, then you’re probably looking at your case from the wrong angle. Analysis 101.

As such, I find the “entitlement” claim particularly ridiculous because opponents repeat the same faulty rhetoric over and over! The only people that might be convinced are those with confirmation bias. I’m sure that’s their audience, of course, but it’s still hilarious dfjaksdasks.

Anyways. Here’s the excerpt from the EIP transcript that opponents l o v e to spotlight with their “entitlement” claims:

Aang: Katara, did you really mean what you said in there?

Katara: In where? What are you talking about?

Aang: On stage, when you said I was just like a… brother to you, and you didn’t have feelings for me.

Katara: I didn’t say that. An actor said that.

Aang: But it’s true, isn’t it? We kissed at the Invasion, and I thought we were gonna be together. But we’re not.

Katara: Aang, I don’t know.

Aang: Why don’t you know?

Katara: Because, we’re in the middle of a war, and we have other things to worry about. This isn’t the right time.

Aang: Well, when is the right time?

Katara: Aang, I’m sorry, but right now I’m just a little confused.

Aang tries to kiss Katara.

Katara: I just said I was confused! I’m going inside. [Exits the balcony.]

Aang: Ugh, I’m such an idiot! [Puts down his head on the balcony railing.]

Opponents claim Aang’s behavior is “entitled” here for two reasons:

1) He asks Katara several questions about their relationship status.

2) He kisses her.

Before I get too far into this, we have to consider the context of the episode. Katara and Aang have this conversation after just watching 95% of “The Boy in the Iceberg,” aka Fire Nation propaganda. I have talked about the specifics of the play being imperialist propaganda here, but the gist of it is that this play is meant to demean the Gaang, to portray them as lesser and weaker than the Fire Nation. The fact that the play ends with Ozai’s victory is a stark reminder of this mentality. So: Katara and Aang have just watched this play that preys upon their insecurities and paints them as awful caricatures of their true selves. It is only natural that they would be more tense than usual. The reason I bring this up is solely to inform their conversation on the balcony, however; I don’t think their frustration solely defines what they say/do, but it’s worth keeping in mind, “Hey, they’re stressed and upset, of course this conversation might not go perfectly.”

Now, I have talked about the infamous EIP kiss before and approached all the rhetoric surrounding it like Snopes Fact Checker in this post, lmao. I did discuss in there why the kiss is wrong, which no one has ever argued against, but also why the kiss is simply a mistake: not sexual assault, not entitlement, not an unforgivable decision. I’ve copied and pasted specifically my notes on the “entitlement” claim below regarding the kiss, but if you have time, I definitely recommend the whole post jksdhjasdka (I’m quite proud of it). Anyways! Here’s the excerpt:

Claim: Aang acted entitled to Katara and her affection.

Status: False.

I’ve briefly addressed this already, but Aang backing off when Katara pushed him away is the exact opposite of entitlement. An impromptu kiss is not always indicative of entitlement. It can be, especially if the person being kissed has never expressed any interest in the person kissing them, but Katara and Aang were mutually interested in each other. They’d mutually kissed twice already by that point: in CoTL and during DoBS. The EIP kiss was inappropriate. NO ONE HAS EVER SUGGESTED OTHERWISE. But when you’re 12 and you’re already kind of in this semi-relationship with a girl you’ve been through hell and high water with (who has kissed you twice on the lips and on the cheek multiple times, not to mention it is only you she ever expresses such affection towards), it is not fucking “entitlement” to make a move on her, even when the timing is off. IT’S JUST A MISTAKE. A POOR DECISION. NOT ENTITLEMENT. NOT MANIPULATION. NOT SEXUAL ASSAULT. Full stop.

Also, these EIP people love to call Aang entitled for this kiss, but there isn’t a single peep heard from them about Zuko’s line in TSR where he demands to know what’s “wrong” with Katara, since she hasn’t forgiven him yet when everyone else has. And look. I think Zuko was just frustrated here, and that he, too, made a mistake and is obviously not irredeemable for it, but. If you’re going to argue that Aang was entitled in EIP, you’d better be ready to acknowledge the argument that Zuko was acting entitled in TSR, too. And hell, let’s take it a step further! Call Aang entitled for EIP. Call Zuko entitled for TSR. Call Sokka entitled for choosing to stay at Boiling Rock on the off chance his father would arrive, thus making Suki and Zuko feel obligated to stay behind with him, effectively putting all of them in danger. What an entitled decision, risking his friends’ lives on the 0.01% chance Hakoda would be one of the many, many possible war prisoners arriving at Boiling Rock!

Damn. That sounds ridiculous as fuck, doesn’t it?

And guess what. That’s exactly how the “Aang was entitled” arguments come across. Hate to break it to you. Trust me when I say to do yourself a favor and stop perpetuating that faulty rhetoric!

So that is what I have already assessed, lol.

To be frank, the most frustrating thing I see perpetuated is that the EIP kiss somehow ruined Aang and Katara’s relationship. But when it comes to assessing weighty issues like the notion of “entitlement” in a relationship, the fact of the matter is that you have to look at both the relationship as a whole and the context in which it is situated. Opponents never want to do that, because doing so debunks their entire (baseless) argument, lmao. Katara and Aang are best friends. And by EIP, they have both expressed romantic interest in each other multiple times. (Here is a post explaining the development of Katara’s feelings for Aang, just to put out that fire before anyone sets it lmao.)

So why, why do opponents think Katara would never find it in herself to forgive Aang for a mistaken kiss? Katara is shown over and over again throughout the series to have one of the biggest hearts. She wants to see the good in people. That’s why she gives Jet a second chance (even though a person could argue he did not “deserve” one); that’s why she helps the Fire Nation village in “The Painted Lady”; that’s why she forgives Pakku (once she sees he’s willing to change); that’s why she is the second person in the entire show (excluding Iroh) to offer Zuko a hand of kindness (in CoD)! That’s why she eventually forgives Zuko, even after all he has done to the Gaang (e.g. sending an assassin after them, being complicit in Aang’s death, attacking her and kidnapping Aang at the NWT, manipulating her with her mother’s necklace, to name a few, lmao. bless his heart, but like Jet, someone could easily argue Zuko doesn’t “deserve” another chance - and yet Katara still gave him [and Jet] one. in fact, she gave Zuko multiple).

In other words, Katara is almost always willing to extend friendship and compassion and forgiveness to others - why would she revoke that privilege from Aang after a single error that is comparatively lesser to all the other horrible things she’s experienced in the war? Again, I’m not downplaying how terrible of a decision Aang made. It’s inexcusable. But it’s not the end of the world, and considering the context of the show (e.g. Aang and Katara liked each other and they both knew it), it’s… not some heinous crime. Compared to, oh, how about attempted murder? lmaoo

Even beyond Katara’s innate kindness, Aang is Katara’s best friend. She loves him. The show portrays it as romantic through the seasons, but even if someone isn’t into shipping (which is super valid), Katara and Aang’s connection is one of the primary lynchpins of the show! (The other being Aang and Zuko, the greatest foils of all time.) Katara and Aang epitomize several of A:TLA’s thematics (and aesthetics) because they are complementary: yin and yang, push and pull, Tui and La, moon and ocean, blue and orange, water and air. This gifset and related commentary beautifully demonstrate how even when Katara and Aang disagree, they respect the other’s the decision. So after 60~ episodes depicting Aang and Katara as having mutual respect and love for each other in every form as well as emphasizing Katara’s natural inclination towards kindness/giving people the benefit of the doubt, opponents still think Katara wouldn’t forgive Aang because of one mistimed, inappropriate kiss? What?? Make it make sense, lmao.

In sum, the kiss was a mistake, not an act of entitlement, and it’s absurd to think Katara would hold that against Aang for the rest of his life.

To backtrack a bit, opponents also love to use the fact that Aang asked Katara several questions about their relationship status as examples of his “entitlement.” Just typing that out highlights the ridiculous nature of this assertion, lmao! Let me rephrase it for maximum hilarity:

“Aang was unsure about where their relationship stood? Well, how dare he ask numerous questions to resolve his confusion!”

Like, what was the alternative jskfajksdas if you are in relationship limbo with someone, it is far better to ask them ‘too many’ questions for clarification than to simply assume one way or the other! Kissing Katara was wrong, flat-out, but asking her questions to better understand where they were in their relationship was like. exactly the right decision, lmao. I genuinely don’t see how that could be indicative of entitlement? Especially because, once again, Aang and Katara both like each other and they both know that by this point in the show. That’s why Aang doesn’t ask if Katara likes him - he knows she does. That’s why Katara doesn’t negate her feelings - she knows she’s interested in him, and the blockade between them is not a lack of reciprocation, but the fact that they’re “in the middle of a war” and consequently it’s not “the right time” for them to begin a relationship. Katara has seen Aang die before! She knows he’s facing a near-impossible victory! I can’t blame her for not wanting to start a relationship with him at that point. It would hurt twice as much to lose him again if they were together in a romantic fashion (amatonormativity, am I right?). Again, Aang’s kiss was entirely inappropriate, but him asking her questions about their relationship is a) an example of fostering healthy communication and b) what any therapist would encourage, lol.

Oh, but I’m “forgetting” something, aren’t I? Right. This line:

Katara: Aang, I’m sorry, but right now I’m just a little confused.

If we want to talk about parallels, which I know the A:TLA fandom adores, this line sounds suspiciously like:

Yue: … but I like you [Sokka] too much and it’s too confusing to be around you.

Yue and Katara are actually in similar situations here. Outside forces are interfering with their relationships; for Yue, there is her arranged marriage, and for Katara, it’s the life-or-death nature of the war itself. They aren’t confused about their feelings, as Yue knows she likes Sokka and Katara knows she likes Aang, but they are confused about how to reconcile those feelings with their external circumstances. And can you blame them for that? They are facing impossible decisions (the fate of their nation and the fate of the world respectively). I would be confused, too! So Katara’s response isn’t a reaction to any so-called “entitlement” from Aang; she is experiencing genuine confusion about how to approach her own feelings for him in the midst of a war.

In sum, Aang asking questions about their relationship was a logical step to take resolving his confusion and is in no way related to “entitlement.” Katara’s confusion was not “letting Aang down easy” and interpreting it as such requires disregarding every preceding line of the conversation and its context.

As you can see, Aang’s actions in EIP are not at all “entitled.” His questions were understandable. While his kiss was inappropriate and inexcusable, it was also a mistake, and there is no canon evidence to support the conclusion Katara would never be able to forgive him (her literal best friend!) for it.

Before I end, I’ll touch briefly upon the DotBS kiss, because it is also occasionally used as an example of Aang’s “entitlement” towards Katara’s feelings. Whether you like the trope or not, this moment falls under what is called the “Now or Never Kiss.” TV Tropes actually lists Kataang/DotBS as an example under the Western Animation tab:

“Avatar: The Last Airbender: The fact that he’s finally going to face the dreaded Firelord, and possibility that he might not come back alive from that battle, gives Aang enough motivation to kiss Katara.”

Again, whether you like the trope or not, it involves reciprocation from both parties:

“The Not-A-Couple [i.e. both parties] don’t want to go out without revealing how they [i.e. both parties] really feel. It’s now or never. They kiss.”

Katara and Aang both like each other. When Aang initiates the DotBS kiss, Katara kisses him back. Her lips are still puckered when he pulls away. Furthermore, Katara had initiated a kiss with Aang prior to this incident, in CoTL. Katara was also the one to initiate every cheek kiss with Aang (who is the only character she ever demonstrated such affection towards). So Aang kissing Katara during DotBS follows an established precedent of Katara initiating different kisses, romantically inclined, with Aang. It’s not entitlement; it’s him knowing they mutually like each other and him realizing this might be the last time he ever sees her. Again, you can hate the trope, but don’t blatantly misconstrue its meaning. You’ll sound like Fire Nation propaganda, lmao. (For clarification, jic: the general you. not anon!)

Here is a fantastic post by @imreallyhereforkataang explaining the DotBS kiss in more detail as well as discussing why Kataang’s progression in the second half of Book 3 was, in fact, well-developed, and how Katara and Aang are best friends above all else and know that (which was the core of their relationship from the start).

And a bonus fun fact: in the original storyboard (link takes you to storyboarder Giancarlo Volpe’s DeviantArt with said storyboard), it is noted that Katara smiles after Aang kisses her. Why? Because she likes him as much as he likes her! It was changed by a “higher authority,” according to Volpe, probably to add more realism to the romance (i.e. Katara likes Aang, yes, but as she herself points out in EIP - there’s a war going on, and love is always terrifying to reconcile with war).

(Seriously, though, do read Volpe’s description on the storyboard. Takes you a second to scroll down and maybe a minute to read. Short yet informative, discussing how you can see on the storyboard itself that someone revised the image so Katara isn’t smiling after the kiss.)

Anyways! Opponents’ argument that Katara wasn’t interested in Aang therefore is and has always been entirely inapplicable.

To conclude: the entitlement assertion is laughable. There is no canon evidence to support it. As such, I encourage you to laugh whenever you see it! Pull an Azula, for that matter:

[ID: Gif from “The Beach” episode of A:TLA. Ty Lee, mimicking a guy, asks Azula, “Hey there sweet sugar cakes. How ya likin’ this party?” Azula proceeds to burst into exaggerated laughter, earning stares from everyone else at the party. End ID.]

Thank you for the great ask, anon! Hopefully my response was satisfactory 💛

[rachellwrites]

🖊 blake + also chuckie (bc yk i gotta with the og that brought us together)

ok so blake is a newer child that i havent gotten to flesh out as much but!! she is an icon and we are glad she's here. this feels kinda silly to admit but i kinda loosely based her off of chrissy chlapecka on tiktok or like, her videos ig. (pls go look her up if you don't know who this is she's the loml) my girlie loves and owns all things in the color pink and if it's heart shaped to boot all the better, she's v outspoken in general but especially about things like liberation for women, supporting other women and holding them up, and is v unapologetic about liking the way she looks and putting effort into it for no one but herself. is absolutely the drunk girl you meet at the club bathroom that tells you to dump your bf for wearing ugly shoes but would be...stone cold sober so imagine what she'd be like when she ACTUALLY gets drunk. is definitely a fun time, loves to go out drinking and partying with her friends ever time she gets the chance, will throw a bash for any occasion, if you're throwing a party do it RIGHT and make it cute and GAY, she will help GET YOU THERE. bc she knows her worth, it makes men who see her and see just a dumb ditzy blonde immediately get standoffish when they find out they're wrong and she won't let them just get away w the bare minimum. she's every friend's bf's nightmare bc she reads men to FILTH on a daily basis and has no intention of stopping any time soon. men are too comfortable in her eyes and she is FEARLESS when it comes to bringing them back down a peg if it seems necessary (which it usually does). she will willingly go to war for her girls and is such a good friend to have.

now chuckie!!!!! a baby!!!! we love him!!!! i remember seeing a tumblr post saying that alpha wolfs provide for their packs whenever needed so ya man can’t call himself an alpha man if he ain’t walking around with lil snacks and water bottles for their friends and i was like omg is chuckie an ALPHA??? bc yes that is this man, carrying around a backpack with chips and drinks, says hydrate or die-drate way to much. he’s basically the overly anxious dad friend that has become this way bc he has friends that are so spontaneous and reckless it basically just stressed him sm and sorta forced him into the role head first, he TIRED. but aside from him just being anxious and stressed the hell out he’s also v witty and so so dramatic. he’ll be a mumbling mess one second and then if he decides he likes you he’ll be making the DUMBEST BUT ALSO P CLEVER JOKES and giving you the widest shit eating grin i love him. v into learning and reading, comics, documentaries, if you go to him and ask his opinion on aliens or anything of the like prepare to get a whole spiel ok ? has a mostly blind grey kitty named merlin and she’s basically his emotional support animal, she is his PRIDE AND JOY. finger guns bi™️ uses them too much, it is now an impulse, send help. the type to make up lil songs while he’s doing tasks like making coffee or looking for his keys we’re v in love am i biased? absolutely. he’s just a sweet lil nerd that can be an endearing lil shit and that’s when you’re like ah ok, that’s how you have those friends i get it now. lil fun fact is that this man v much so taught himself japanese so that he could enjoy animes without needing to use dubs like an actual NERD, and he accomplished it so much quicker than expected, so he now knows japenese, english and spanish and probably dabbled a lil with french in high school whomst knows, he just tells me stuff and i’m like oh worm??

[quillyfied]

Mega Good Omens Fic Rec Post 4

I LIIIIIIIVE

99 titles on this list again and once again we have an extra category, and I am pumped that I finally got this one done! Got a lot of holiday overflow but suck it up bc here it comes. As a refresher, the categories are: Jaunts through History/Canon, South Downs, Post-Apocalypse, Bus Ride/Night Before/Heaven and Hell, AU/UA, Soft, Before (exclusive to this list and List 2, meaning takes place almost exclusively Before Canon, as in The Fall/Creation/etc), Touch-Starved/Body Worship/Wings, Bonus, and H/C /Whump/BAMF. Warnings for gore and explicit material present where applicable. I don’t read smut fics but sometimes more adult material sneaks in there.

Mega GOmens Fic Rec Post MASTER

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF A LINK IS BROKEN OR IF I MISATTRIBUTED AN AUTHOR.

JAUNTS THROUGH HISTORY/CANON

1. You are a Call to Motion – @freyjawriter24 (G, the one where Aziraphale would like to dance but doesn’t. Very sweet and soft and kinda sad, follows Aziraphale through history wanting to dance (specifically with Crowley) until he finally gets to. The pining is so good, y’all.)

2. I love you because I know no other way than this – kriswithakay (T, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley use the excuse of being spectacularly drunk to get in little touches and kisses throughout history. This one is so sad and so full of yearning, the whole time you just wish they would face each other sober. It’s so quiet and beautiful.)

3. A Simple Thing – Sir_Bedevere (T, the one where Aziraphale gives out forehead kisses and Crowley is jelly about it. Continuing with the trend of being achingly sad and tender, this fic packs a wallop in that department. Forehead kisses aren’t always given at the happiest of times, after all. Also Crowley continues his stint as a pine tree and it’s painful.)

4. The Problem with Saints – Lurlur, D20Owlbear, robynthemagpie_writes, Wyvernquill (T and G, the series where it’s Catholic but funny. This series is weird and it’s hilarious and I hope there will be more, because this series goes through some fairly niche Catholic saint stories and the retelling of them featuring the Ineffable Husbands is hysterical. I don’t even want to tell y’all too much about it, just go read them and laugh with me, because they’re beautiful.)

5. When The Things You’ve Planned Need a Helping Hand – Proskenion (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale run into each other in the 1920s. Flapper!Crowley being a lounge singer is the centerpiece of this one, which is delightful enough, but throw in some canon-typical friction over the Arrangement and a chance for Aziraphale to come to the rescue, it’s a lovely little romp that has just the right edge of emotional tenderness to take the sting out of said earlier friction. Or add to it. Just depends on your point of view, really.)

6. The Serpent and the Lady – @summerofspock (T, the one where Aziraphale is Lady Fair and Crowley is competing in a tournament for his favor. Has female-presenting Aziraphale still using male pronouns bc that’s just what he’s comfortable with, and definitely, definitely has that Disney animated Robin Hood flavor. This fic scratches so many of my itches—Aziraphale in a dress, Crowley being a dashing BAMF, chivalric courtship, swordplay, armor, hand-sewn tokens of favor. A delicious little diversion, very worth it a++++.)

7.  Sunlight and Water – @themoonmothwrites (M, the one where Aziraphale is a flirty drunk and Crowley has to be the sensible one. M for some racy elements but not explicit. This one is fun but then takes a direct left into Feels Town, which, when coupled with @cassieoh’s art, just makes the whole experience dreadfully unfair. A gorgeous little story, and the ending is just *chef’s kiss*.)

8. Sloth – libbyfay (T, the one where Aziraphale checks in on Crowley after the fourteenth century. This one is a delight, and includes Aziraphale recommending The Canterbury Tales, as well as a back-and-forth about depression versus Sloth and a lot of talking around feelings. Must absolutely be read in conjunction with the next rec in the list, which is something of a continuation. )

9. I have an aungel which that loveth me – HolRose (NR, the one where Crowley follows up on The Canterbury Tales recommendation from Aziraphale and it gets a bit deep. A continuation of the previous rec, and oof, y’all. This one gets hella sad, which hits pretty hard after Crowley laughing his head off about the funny bits in Canterbury Tales. There’s also Feelings, which are desperate and tender and guys they don’t even kiss but it’s still breathtaking. They love each other so much.)

10. (heaven is) a place on earth – rattatatosk (G, the one where Aziraphale nearly loses his bookshop. This takes place during the deleted scene from the 1800 opening of the bookshop, and has oodles of Aziraphale building himself a home and being devastated about nearly losing it. Not a nesting fic in the traditional sense (meaning it isn’t about building a home for himself and Crowley, it’s definitely just for him), but for fans of happy Aziraphale being fluffy and content in his bookshop, here you go.)

11. No other news to report – @argentconflagration (T, the one where Aziraphale is torn up about an assignment. Y’all want Crowley interfering in angelic plans? Y’all want tenderness and holding? Y’all want Aziraphale letting himself be bested? Then stay a while, because this one is a heart-wrecker. Featuring a very sick and very devout child, and female-presenting Crowley.)

12. These Things Were Here – @MajorEnglishEsquire (T, the one where Crowley resorts to snake form to deal with his feelings. This one is long and it’s emotional; Crowley reverts down to being a snake whenever he gets especially bad assignments from Hell, and it’s about him and Aziraphale finding balance and harmony between themselves when Crowley is like this. Very sweet and very tender and very sad.)

13. Crossing Paths – @amuseoffyre (G, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale meet every few years. This is your typical “through the ages” fic but it’s Fyre writing it, and that means it has so much humor and heart and history in it it’s practically like reading deleted scenes of the show. The boys are so in-character and their love is subtle and slow-boiling but there. Highly recommended, absolutely.)

14. apples (per the author’s intention) – @lwtis (T, the one where apples is a recurring theme in their friendship. This one is hilarious and it’s heartfelt and I quite enjoyed it; the bits where Aziraphale is absolutely convinced this is a temptation of some kind are particularly juicy (not unlike Crowley’s backside in a certain pair of trousers). Crowley absolutely knows how to beat a joke to death and he does it with style.)

SOUTH DOWNS

15. up in our bedroom, after the war – @rufeepeach (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale need to get away to process things. In this one, they more vacation to the South Downs rather than move there, but them working through the awkwardness of Armageddon’s fighting and gently taking their relationship to its natural conclusion is beautiful and good. It isn’t urgent or desperate, just quiet and understated and organic. A lovely piece.)

16. Somewhere Alive and Green – @thetunewillcome (T, the one where they make a necessary move. This one is quiet and reflective, as a good South Downs fic should be, and though it’s short I think it’s wonderfully healing. Very good.)

POST-APOCALYPSE

17. England’s pleasant pastures seen – @squidsticks (T, the one where Aziraphale has an appointment with a book collector and Crowley offers to drive. Y’all it’s so sweet and, dare I say, uplifting, how much they love each other. Someone drops the “husband” word at some point and someone else has a joyful fit over it and I bet you can tell who does what. There’s also a lot of teasing and the kind of easy banter that comes with knowing someone for so long. V. good.)

18. you have built nests from all my bark – @mutalune (T, the one where Crowley is nesting as an aggressive courting maneuver. This fic is so much fun. Highlights include Michael thinking Aziraphale must have a special connection with the Almighty and trying to emulate his lifestyle in order to have one herself, Crowley getting irrationally jealous over it all and constructing the finest nest known to reality (including cupholders, which I now also want in all my pillow piles), Dagon looking for a very similar thing from Crowley that Michael wants from Aziraphale, and lots of delicious humor and unexpected character interactions. I highly recommend this one if you’re having a bad day.)

19. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance – @divisionten (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale find out how to get around Heaven and Hell and it’s through summons. More of an anthology than a solid story, and it’s such a fascinating universe, liberally layered with overcoming trust issues and adjusting to being in a loving relationship, and it’s Good Food y’all, trust me on this.)

20. That’s Not Funny – cyankelpie (G, the one where they’re exceptionally drunk and Crowley says I Love You and Aziraphale thinks he’s joking. This one is sharper than expected but it makes the moment where they finally have everything out in the open so much sweeter. Lots of protective Crowley and very confused Aziraphale.)

21. Stars – @lyricwritesprose (G, the series that’s a spinoff of Tales of the Them that’s about Crowley and the stars, ostensibly. It’s a spinoff bc it deals with Aziraphale’s point of view, too, and their careful navigation of a complicated subject in Crowley’s history. Very soft and bittersweet.)

22. In Action How Like an Angel – PinkPenguinParade (T/NR/M, the series where Aziraphale stumbles into making some useful wards and then Crowley gets taken. Rated high for safety but the violence is truly not that bad and the sex jokes are very mild. Come for cool worldbuilding, stay for BAMF!Aziraphale, and have some extra bits of Anathema and Newt being very good and helpful friends on top!)

23. Let’s share a drink! – @nohaijiachi (G, the one where Aziraphale gets horribly discorporated and gets his body back fairly quickly thanks to quick thinking and Gabriel being easy to gross out. This one is a bit gross, fair warning, but it’s not too graphic, and it’s hilarious besides. Peak Bastard Aziraphale Hours, this one is. If you like reading about Gabriel getting messed with, welcome to the party.)

24. Metastable – MrsCaufield (Not Rated, the one where Aziraphale is having an existential crisis post-Armageddon. Featuring lots of miscommunication, some mild jealousy, and Aziraphale figuring himself out, which is always lovely to read about. Misunderstandings and two supernatural beings being grossly in love, can’t get better than this!)

25. Taking Steps – @joyandotherstories (G, the one where Aziraphale decides he wants to take salsa dancing lessons and Crowley agrees. Oh, y’all. You like pining? You like awkward touching? Do you perhaps like…faked relationships turning into real relationships? You’d best have a seat and dive into this one, because the payoff is many-layered and just phenomenal. The pride in these idiots not only learning to dance but learning to be open about how much they love each other is so good.)

BUS RIDE/NIGHT BEFORE/HEAVEN AND HELL

26. Introspection and Starlight – d20owlbear (T, the one where Aziraphale has a breakdown and is hold. I seem to have a special taste for Aziraphale breaking down, and this one is Hecking Delicious—it’s a slow break but it’s so achingly tender and emotional, especially once sleepy Crowley gets on the scene. Apologies are made and two very tired beings just hold each other at the end of it all and it’s so good.)

27. The Longest Night – @charlottemadison42 (T, the series where Crowley and Aziraphale are taking slow and important steps. Three fics in the series so far, and each one captures their hilarious and effortless dynamic so well while still paying homage to their quiet love. There are so many cool details to explore, ESPECIALLY in the bodyswap fics, and overall they are a really fun and thoughtful look at how the Night the World Didn’t End could’ve gone. OH AND A FOURTH ONE HAS GONE UP WHILE I WAS WORKING ON THIS LIST and you guyssss so much good content about Crowley’s (Presumably) Foot Thing and Shoes, omg. A treasure.)

28. Last Confessions and Hopeless Loves – @girlwholovesherwords (G, the one where they very neatly and annoyingly slot into their new dynamic. This one is so matter-of-fact and tongue-in-cheek I about died laughing, which is amazing given that it’s less than 3k words. A very good little egg.)

29. Choose Your Faces Wisely – @cheeseandonioncrisps (G, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale set the record straight on how they portrayed each other. This is a fun one based on the very good meta bits floating around (which have been bolstered by Neil Gaiman’s commentary in the DVDs I will have you know) that their performances in each other’s skins is how they see each other and how different that is from how they see themselves and guys it’s so good, I wanted this conversation to last forever and ever.)

30. and I just want to love you, to love you, to love you well – BrinneyFriday (T, the one where apologies are made and kisses are had. Guys it’s so soft. Oh my gosh you guys the tenderness is unreal. There’s Crowley falling asleep in Aziraphale’s lap and there’s deciding they’re stronger together and guys pls it’s so good just read it pleASE—)

AU/UA

31. A Curious Case of Miracles on Marlborough Street – @nihilnovisubsole (M, the one where there might be such a thing as too much of a good thing. M for sexual humor and situations but nothing all that graphic. Y’all it’s the “angels accidentally cast miracles when they orgasm” crack given the serious treatment it deserves, and this fic also wins awards for its brilliant OC angel Sabrael, Keeper of Miracles. The icing on the cake? Beautiful artistic accompaniment to go along with the brilliant writing. Just delightful, a whole entire treat. An afternoon delight indeed.)

32. Too Much of a Good Thing – @yamisnuffles (G, T, the series where Crowley and Aziraphale are both angels and things are a bit different. It’s not fair that yamisnuffles is a distinctive and wonderful artist, they have to be a good writer, too, and be terribly talented at telling a good story. Crowley’s character arc and emotional growth as a disgraced angel cursed to live as a snake for a while is fabulous, and it’s only ramping up, so jump on the train now! It’s a good train!)

33. Measures of Freedom – KazLangston (T, the one where Crowley is an acquisition made by one Mr. AZ Fell. This is one of those “turn left” AUs where they’re still an angel and a demon, they just didn’t meet in Eden. Instead, they meet because Crowley gets himself captured and Aziraphale doesn’t think it’s safe to let a real, dangerous demon loose. Their relationship is very combative and antagonistic but it softens; the emotional journey they go on from clear enemies to clear friends is fantastic.)

34. Somewhere Down Below – jane_with_a_j (T, the series where Aziraphale is captured as an incentive for Crowley to jump masters in Hell. There’s lots of hurt!Aziraphale in this one, as tends to happen to an angel captive in Hell, and an excruciating amount of pining that doesn’t so much counterbalance the angst so much as spice it up enormously. There’s intrigue, there’s a daring escape, it’s radical, folks.)

35. How it Happens – @captainqueernerd (T, the one that’s based on a comic and both are DELIGHTFUL. The fic here is an extension of the comic and so sweet, oh my goodness how sweet it is. The best bits aren’t even when they cover the comic’s events—it’s AFTER that is the real treat. I’ll hand out brownie points to anyone who can find the sentence that made me put down my laptop before I accidentally chucked it while laughing too hard.)

36. mors certissima – @northerntrash (T, the Hades and Persephone AU where Aziraphale is Hades and Crowley is Persephone and they’re all doing their best. This is a super fun one, beautifully written and lovely original lore that has Aziraphale really coming into his own as a god of death and what that means for the wider pantheon and the world. And IT’S ABOUT TO GO DOWN where the fic is at the moment, I’m pumped for the conclusion!)

37. It’s All Greek to Me (that is, Ineffable) – @ulspi (UR, the series where Crowley and Aziraphale are cast in different mythological roles in each fic. This one’s gorgeous, you guys, haunting and romantic and each fic has a distinct flavor that is impossibly good. A beautiful way to spend a rainy afternoon, in my opinion.)

38. The Princess and the Serpent – @longforgottenhymn (G, the one where Aziraphale takes Crowley to King Arthur’s court to get a nobleman off his back and oh no, fake dating becomes real dating, oh no. You think you’re ready for this fic? FOOL. This fic is going to carve you up from the inside out and you won’t even be READY for it even if you know it’s coming. This fic is going to promise intimacy and deliver in terrible, terrible tenderness. I am being melodramatic but THIS FIC. THIS FIC IS SO GOOD. This fic is not what I was expecting and it hits HARD because of that.)

39. Wicked dance – pirripipi (T, the one that’s a royal AU with incredible depth and complexity. Listen, what this fic might lack in polish it more than makes up for in flat-out interesting worldbuilding. The characterization is on point and the nonlinear storytelling is very well-handled. And that ending! So triumphant, so utterly joyful. What a joy this fic is! Just wait until you see the Garden of Eden, it’s SPECTACULAR.)

40. The sun doesn’t set on the shoreline – VinWrit (G, the one that’s a selkie and siren AU. This one feels more like it’s being told in microfiction installments and that’s certainly interesting on its own, but it reads like a horror story and it’s chock full of worldbuilding, and the characterization of Crowley especially just breaks my heart right in two. What a great little story.)

41. An Angel’s Hope – @braver-stronger-smarter (M, the one that’s a crossover with the Kiesha’ra book series by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes and it’s delicious AF. Not sure why it’s rated M, but it does deal with a war and the fallout of dealing with constant violence and death. Explains things well enough that you don’t need to have read the Kiesha’ra to understand what’s going on (or, like, if it’s been well over a decade since you last read it…), and the integration of Crowley and Aziraphale into the main plot of these shapeshifter snake and bird cultures is effortless. Can’t wait to see where this one goes (bc even if it just follows the plot of Hawksong, it’s sure to be an exciting ride). (Side note, read the Kiesha’ra, it’s a good series.))

42. By Grace – @seaskystone (G, the one that’s the little soulmate AU that could. Not very long but still highly impactful in my opinion, featuring Crowley and Aziraphale meeting in heaven and knowing right away they’re meant for each other, but canon still happens as it does. Short and bittersweet and pretty.)

43. The Ones Who Walk Away from Nevaeh – @soft-october-night (T, the one that’s the “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas” AU none of us ever even knew we needed but heck if we didn’t get it anyway. If you aren’t familiar, “Omelas” is a short story by Ursula K LeGuin that I absolutely believe you must read in order to get the full impact of this and what the author does with the story with regard to our two boys, it’s earth-shattering. Soft-october-night does it again, just goes and makes outstanding AUs that own my entire soul like it ain’t no thing. Completely unfair.)

44. Take the Fall (What’s a Second Time) – @triffidsandcuckoos (T, the one where Crawly does what it says on the tin. This one includes a nice helping of Crowley suffering from chronic pain as a consequence of taking the blame for the apple business, and some sweet care from Aziraphale, who is well aware it’s his fault. An interesting take and a heartwarming story (even if suffering from chronic pain is the pits and there’s no way around that).)

45. forgotten (but not gone) – @writeonclara (T, the one where their memories are taken and Crowley and Aziraphale still manage to stay away from each other for about .04 seconds. This one has some hard edges and it is a harrowing story about accepting others and yourself, and having faith in yourself and your loved one, but the way they can’t keep their hands to themselves when all the stops are pulled out is frankly hilarious and I commend this story whole-heartedly for committing to that.)

46. It’s Not the Years, it’s the Mileage – @moveslikebucky (T, the one that’s an Indiana Jones AU based on @yamisnuffles’ art. You want Aziraphale doing his best in an Indy role while still being an angel? You want Crowley owning a bar and it DOESN’T suck? You want pining and heartache and hilarity? Park it, then, folks, you don’t even need to know the Indiana Jones films to enjoy it (I certainly don’t and I am aware of this failing, thank you).)

47. or the look or the words – @taizi (T, the one where they just keep getting married and it doesn’t stop from happening. Guys they are literally married HUNDREDS OF TIMES throughout history STARTING AT THE ARK. They are literally so soft and so in love and I am beside myself right now, please love yourself and practice some self-care by reading this fic.)

48. Give me a title, I’ll give you my heart – @nohaijiachi (T, the one that’s a human AU based on fanart and it’s great. Single dad Aziraphale with a cautious past, determined son Adam who is gonna get his dad a date if it’s the last thing he does, utterly besotted Crowley who is excellent at being gentle and also a great beta reader…a surprisingly emotional and fun piece, very good.)

49. what if you fall? oh, but my darling, what if i fly? – Doggoos (T, the one where they loved in Heaven and outside interference tore them apart. I LOST THIS FIC AND SPENT FOREVER TRYING TO FIND IT AGAIN. The one detail that kept me going? Crowley (as Raphael) and Aziraphale exchange jewelry before Gabriel sticks his stupid nose in it and the jewelry is visually stunning and emotionally gorgeous. It’s emotional and it’s fraught and there’s erased memories to contend with but holy COW, y’all. They’re so in love.)

50. Snakes and Stones (the Crowley/Aziraphale Human AU) – @deerstalkerdeathfrisbee (G, the series where it’s exactly what it says it is. The opening fic for this series is where literally everyone in Aziraphale’s dorm thinks his boyfriend is made up and Aziraphale has the enormous pleasure of proving them all wrong. It has great Newt characterization and, surprisingly, Gabriel being likeable, though he has to work for it. It’s fun and a little silly and I adore it.)

51. in the arms of the ocean (so sweet and so cold) – robynthemagpie_writes, agent_of_mischief (T, the one where Aziraphale becomes a lighthouse keeper and Crowley is probably a sea monster. This is a horror story and it’s a love story and while reading it kept me awake at night, thinking about it also kept me very much awake at night. I am the world’s biggest chicken and the spoop is real, friends, but more than that, it’s the horrors lurking in Aziraphale’s past (and probably Crowley’s, I have some theories) that are the heartbreaking bit. Not for the faint-hearted, it goes hard and I have a feeling it’s only going to go harder.)

52. i’ve found a way (a way to make you smile) – @fremulon (T, the one that’s an AU of The Office. Requires no knowledge of The Office but I’m sure it helps. This is one I kept putting off and deeply regret doing so (though, on the other hand, waiting so long to read it meant that I caught up the night before the last chapter went up, so HA). Y’all, it’s so funny and so relatable as an adult stuck in a dead-end job I don’t like, and the romance between Aziraphale and Crowley is so simple and so sweet. I just love it and I love this fic and I want you to read it immediately right now.)

53. I Know Places We Won’t Be Found – FangsScalesSkin (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale run away together from the Garden of Eden. I have been waiting for someone to write this forever and it’s finally happening. And it’s got such fun worldbuilding, and their interactions are so cute, and I just love them and want them to be okay and to be married forever and ever.)

54. an imitation of the garden of eden – @dyslexiccrowley (T, the one that’s a D&D-inspired AU. Speaking of AUs that come out of hecking nowhere, here’s one! This one is a really fun adventure, and if you thought me turning the Bentley into a horse in several of my fics was fun, this one beats me out by a country mile and I couldn’t be more gleeful about it because THE BENTLEY IS A DRAGON. I could deffo see the dnd elements throughout but the flavor of it is so unique, I thoroughly enjoyed the adventure and the character moments.)

55. Hell is Just a Sauna – @anthonyjcrowiey (T, the one that’s a “Ten Things I Hate About You” AU. I haven’t seen the film (though I have read Taming of the Shrew and I have been on Tumblr long enough to absorb several gifsets), but this fic was still so good and managed to hook me right in regardless of that fact. I can’t wait for it to finish up, we’re on the emotional crux of the plot and it’s tearing me up how it’s been left!)

56. be mine tonight (be mine forever) – @qorktrees (T, the one that’s a literal “fake dating becomes real dating” AU. Human AU, and these idiots I SWEAR. Aziraphale needs a date for the office Christmas party, Crowley is available and bribable, and of course it ends in their ruse becoming the real deal, this is fanfiction for crying out loud. It happens so sweetly, though, you’ve gotta see this.)

57. Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes – @gigglesnortbangdead (T, the one where Heaven and Hell turn enemies into children instead of smiting. Oh, goodness gracious y’all are not ready for this one. You aren’t ready for the way being turned into a child affects an angel or a demon. You aren’t ready for the myriad ways bb!Crowley is gonna tug at your heartstrings. You aren’t ready for the way Aziraphale is when it finally happens to him. You AREN’T READY. This is precisely why you should go read it right now immediately, to see just how unready you really are. You should take care of that at this exact moment.)

58. Ineffably Yours – SecondHandNews (M, the series where Crowley and Aziraphale choose each other and keep choosing each other. Listen to me: this series is the length of several novels. I have only read the first one, after stumbling on a side-story that was really good and not realizing it was a side-story of a bigger series until I’d finished it. I am planning on reading the rest of the series, which is still updating. I am a little terrified at this titan who has managed to write over 360K words since June in this one series alone. The first one absolutely had me biting my nails and rocking back and forth in an anxious haze, and it’s so tender and so beautiful and SO NERVE-WRACKING. Crowley and Aziraphale learn the Rapture is coming and they just…kinda snap, really. Stop avoiding each other, start choosing each other, and all the twists and turns that comes with it. Just. Really outstanding work, I am an anxious mess but it’s good XD)

JUST SOFT

59. Where to Start – @freyjawriter24 (T, the one where Crowley nearly kisses Aziraphale throughout history like A LOT. Guys you wanna feel the pine crushing into your soul? You want to feel that deep ache of wanting to touch so badly but holding back out of sheer desperate force of will? Read this, prepare to have your knees appropriately weakened from the longing.)

60. A Softer Fall – @themoonmothwrites (T, the one that’s the wall shoving but soft. Bury me in this one, boys, my corpse will rest well for eternity, because holy COW the longing and the fear and the reassurances…my heart is a marshmallow now and it’s this fic’s fault.)

61. for the dancing and the dreaming – @une-danse-macabre (G, the one where Aziraphale proposes. Listen I know this entire section of the post is for Soft Fic but this is Softe Fic and I am not joking even a little bit. Crowley desperately deflecting using humor bc he is so overwhelmed? It’s more likely than you think. Read this, it’s a beautiful little shot of humor and romance.)

62. in candlelight, we dance – SaerM (T, the one where they take a shower together. I have a deep and abiding weakness for bathing fic, and even better, it’s not a sex fic! Just two ineffable partners being tender and washing each other and being together. So sweet and good.)

63. A Pile of Pillows – @waffleironbiddingwar (T, the one where Aziraphale seems to have built a nest during a weekend apart. There’s a few cute nesting fics in this here post but this is one of my very favorites; even has some wing grooming, and lots of teasing and kissing. Very cute!)

64. When the Wind Changes – Star_less (G, the one where Crowley makes faces at babies. Listen. LISTEN. You don’t have to personally like kids to go all gooey over how much Crowley seems to like kids, entirely without meaning to. It’s too cute. Someone call the Cute Police.)

65. with adorations, with fertile tears – waywarder (T, the one where there’s an emotional meltdown while watching a high school production of Twelfth Night. So sweet and unsure and awkward, this one; it’s canon-verse, Aziraphale just drags Crowley to a high school production and then proceeds to very nearly have an angelic aneurysm over trying to hold his hand. If you’ve a soft spot for the Ineffable Husbands quoting Shakespeare at each other, welcome to the party, you’ve arrived.)

66. Sleeping Angel – @whatawriterwields (G, the one where Aziraphale is asleep on Crowley’s chest. It should be noted that this writer wields tenderness like a weapon, stiletto right between the ribs to knock all that breath right out of you, which is a much more gruesome descriptor than I probably should’ve used but YOU GUYS CROWLEY TALKS TO AZIRAPHALE IN HIS SLEEP AND IT’S SO SWEET AND I CAN’T BREATHE.)

67. in so many words – @asideofourown (G, the one where Aziraphale has trouble saying “I love you.” This one made me laugh and “aww” in equal measure, but to get you to click on the link and read as fast as I did, Aziraphale says “thank you” the first time Crowley says “I love you” and I DIED.)

68. A First Christmas, Once Again – lalaland666 (G, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale get to celebrate Christmas together. This one has a fun twist on why Aziraphale dislikes the holidays and a really cute Crowley getting excited for them, and I think it’s well worth reading whether or not you find the December holiday season celebratory or not.)

69. (i love you) as you are – @asideofourown (T, the one where Crowley tries to change to be more like Aziraphale in order to keep him and it’s heartbreaking. Listen, this writer is great and more often than not draws me in bc the dialogue is so good, but this one just crushed my heart into pieces, because Crowley is trying SO HARD and he doesn’t have to but doesn’t realize that he doesn’t have to and AUGH.)

70. the commendation – @forineffablereasons (G, the one where Aziraphale’s ring is itself a commendation from Heaven. This one is short and sweet but it GUTS me every time, just over Aziraphale and how much Heaven screwed him over and failed him by making him feel like the failure. Something this short should not hurt me so much AND YET. Crowley makes it better. Obviously.)

71. the other way round – @forineffablereasons (G, the one where Aziraphale lays in Crowley’s lap instead. Listen we all love it when Crowley puts his head in Aziraphale’s lap but this writer has the right of it, we don’t see it nearly enough the other way round and HHHHGK. The tenderness. The softness. It BURNS.)

72. Every Song in Every Key – @impishtubist (T, the one with the seriously misleading summary. I mean this in the best possible way. Crowley being the one to enjoy the holidays is fun enough, but the true meat of this fic came out of nowhere and it hit me square in the squishy bits. One of the tags is “kid fic” for a little bit of a hint but I shan’t spoil it for you, just go read about Crowley being soft.)

73. shed a sweet light – @areyougonnabe (T, the one that’s not anti-holiday so much as a non-holiday holiday fic. That was probably confusing for you BUT IN ESSENCE: Aziraphale has been around too long to get too attached to any particular holiday (plus time passes so differently when you’re immortal), and attracts the ire of holiday influencers. It gets surprisingly dire, and then delightfully Jewish. Has the exact heart that every holiday story hopes for: quiet, enduring love amidst the chaos. A beautiful little thing.)

BEFORE

74. Unexpected Variables – @seaskystone (T, the one where God keeps having to reset the universe. Hands-down the most hilarious fic on the list just by virtue of God’s impending migraine in dealing with Crowley and Aziraphale, who are so incompetent and I love them so much.)

75. Astralphysiastrics – @wortlby2 (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale finally talk about Before. This one’s “Before” elements take place in flashbacks but given that they’re a pretty significant portion of the fic, I put it in this category anyway. Guys this one HURTS, but there’s healing in it, too, which is a beautiful balance. Ends nice and fluffy, which is a good landing after the flashbacks are done tossing you about.)

TOUCH-STARVED/BODY WORSHIP/WINGS

76. To Preen a Songbird – @tiger-in-the-flightdeck (T, the one that’s just some good old-fashioned preening, y’all. Prepare for these idiots being silly and bantering and teasing, because the back-and-forth is so good. SO good. So very, very good.)

77. Life Hurts (But Not With You) – Spider_Lilly (T, the series that’s about Aziraphale letting Crowley preen him. This one takes a pretty serious turn and talks about what happens to angels with slightly more realistic-type wings who don’t have help preening. Fair warning, there’s a bit of grossness with impacted preen glands (which are oil glands) and if you are squeamish I would tread carefully, bc it can get a bit disturbing when Crowley has to help deal with them, but if you like realistic wing care, this is the series for you. Also love. Also pining. Also they’re kind of the same story from different perspectives and the one from Aziraphale’s perspective is SO MUCH WORSE EMOTIONALLY. A good bit of catharsis fic, for sure.)

78. Descent Suspension – @onheil-ferguson (M, the one where Crowley could use some tying up. M for shibari but it’s nonsexual. Book!verse. I apparently have a thing for nonsexual BDSM and bondage, because this fic absolutely took my breath away. It’s very calm and understated and dignified, just feels quiet. A beautiful piece, for sure.)

79. The End (of the Beginning) or A Not-So-Nice or Accurate Guide to Sex on a Stick, By Anthony J. Crowley, Demon. – @fantasticallyobscure (T, the one where Crowley has been trying sex with all the wrong people. Not explicit at all, just has a lot of discussions about sex, which can be off-putting but now you know going in (if the title didn’t give it away). Basically Crowley keeps trying sex with people who have his same physical build and loses his appetite for it, until he and Aziraphale finally get their heads on straight and Aziraphale wants to try it. Some hilarious metaphors and a lot of adorable Aziraphale being jealous, which is a trip. A wonderful little romp, for sure!)

80. You Are Unbreaking (Though Quaking) – @lesbianscrowleys (T, the one where Aziraphale works through his knee-jerk reactions to being touched. A very good little snapshot of healing and working through things while communicating with your partner, and there’s a fun side-story about accepting who you are that underscores the main theme rather well. Crowley is so good and patient and Aziraphale is trying so hard.)

81. A Treatise Concerning Religious Affectations – forthegreatergood (T, the one where there are discussions of religious ecstasy versus regular ecstasy. This one involves more or less orgasming via manipulation of miraculous brain chemistry, and it’s a little bit funky, but you get in the vibe of the fic pretty quickly, I think, the writer is good about setting the tone. And it’s adversarial as all heck, this is a legitimate disagreement Crowley and Aziraphale are having and you feel every weighty second of it. It’s sensual, I think, but not necessarily erotic, and that’s a hard needle to thread and they do it very well.)

82. 451°F – @purple-suits (G, the one after the church bombing where Aziraphale wants so badly it hurts. Guys, oh you guys, the pure need in this one isn’t even really sexual but it HURTS, it is so physical and raw and achey. It absolutely put about five more aches under my skin just from secondhand need. Oh, y’all. Oh beans.)

BONUS

83. Chaos Theory – @themoonmothwrites (T, the series that’s about Adam hitting on Warlock in a bar and then reintroducing him to his old nanny and gardener. This one is 1. prime Adam/Warlock material, and 2. PRIME Warlock/facing his feelings and confronting his past and figuring out his future material. I have the weakest spot possible for Warlock Dowling and this one hits that spot like a LOT.)

84. Through the branches there’s a son that’s always shone – @jessicafish (G, the one with a contented Warlock. This one is a Halloween fic that has the softest Warlock and Crowley interaction of all time, it’s so short but it hits so hard and I must thank it for my life, really.)

85. Love, And Its Interference With The Nature of Reality – @souljellied (M, the one where Adam has a big ole crush and reality is warping for Warlock. M for some saucy makeouts at the start but it’s pretty tame. Guys if the fact that at one point the headlines in a news stand all read “TOP TEN REASONS TO DATE ADAM YOUNG” before Warlock blinks and they all change back to normal isn’t a good enough reason to read this fic then I don’t know what to tell you, it’s so delightfully tongue-in-cheek about Adam’s effect on reality and so funny and so sweet, even if it does end on a note that makes me howl for wanting a continuation.)

86. Slumber Party Summons and Aftereffects – @joyandotherstories (G, the series where Crowley gets summoned by a party of teenage girls and has a very heartfelt, productive evening with them. I dragged my feet on this story for incomprehensible reasons so DON’T YOU MAKE MY MISTAKES. The teenage girls who summon Crowley are so sweet and loveable, each and every one of them, and guys they ship Crowley and Aziraphale so hard when they finally pry Crowley’s life story out of him, with help from some memory projection witchery. It’s so good, y’all, so cute and so fresh. Just the best.)

87. Christmas Delivery – Daegaer (G, the one where Gabriel sends obnoxious Christmas cards and they are the highlight of Heaven’s holiday (to make merciless fun of). It should be noted that these Christmas cards all feature artistic renderings of Gabriel himself. I about died laughing and it’s canon now in my heart. I should not be endeared to the Archangels but here we are.)

88. and i don’t care if you don’t want me (i’m yours anyhow) – shaekspeares (T, the one where Warlock is figuring himself out at uni. This one is complex and deadpan and has such a good representation of Warlock and what he could grow to be, plus that excellent Warlock/Adam content I am always here for and Warlock having a complete meltdown over the idea that his former nanny and gardener were sent by his parents to spy on him, but not that they’re an angel and a demon. This kid has his priorities in order. Well, no, he doesn’t, but it’s fun to watch him get there. And he and Adam have the best dynamic ever, it’s full of friction and no small amount of adversarial energy turning sweet over time. This fic is physically healing to read and we aren’t even done yet. A fantastic addition to the fandom, if just for what Warlock does to the British equivalent of the Young Republican student body.)

89. Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach – Nnm (T, the one where Crowley gets a therapist. I know most of you should know this, or at least have heard of it, but pipe down bc I finally got around to reading it and it’s AMAZING. If you’re a human who’s gone to a good therapist or who needs to, this story’s protagonist is phenomenal. And she’s not static in her own journey, either, she grows and heals along with Crowley, and it’s not linear or clean or simple. Like real life, it has dips and turns and bad patches, but the healing is palpable. A masterwork, truly, just real dadgum good, y’all.)

H/C /WHUMP/BAMF

90. I Don’t Want the World to See Me – @coulson-is-an-avenger (T, the one where they navigate an unexpected boundary concerning Crowley’s glasses. People who flinch every time they read about Aziraphale taking off Crowley’s glasses without permission rejoice: we have a fix-it fic for you. It’s tender in every sense of the word, and shows great boundary communication (y’know after the immediate scare is over), and all around is incredibly worth the read.)

91. Still Waking Up – @sleepymccoy (T, the one that’s trauma recovery with lots of bed-sharing and pining. Friendos if you want to feel every inch of that slow burn, you’ve arrived. This fic is careful and it’s emotionally ragged-edged and it’s just so dang pretty as Crowley and Aziraphale work through their separate issues and come to terms with what it means to them to be together with each other.)

92. Borrowed Scars – dreamsofspike (M, the one where Aziraphale finds out what Crowley goes through when he’s in Hell. M for implied/referenced rape and onscreen torture (and like some heavy petting that gets interrupted by feels). This one’s heavy, y’all, heavier than my usual fare, bc Aziraphale is in Hell wearing Crowley’s body when he finds this out so it’s pretty firsthand. Most of the bad bits are told in flashbacks but there’s also the healing part where Crowley finds out and he and Aziraphale have to have a heart-to-heart about what happened and how it’s never going to happen again. Drags you through the mud but then sets you back on your feet, a very good little number, I thought.)

93. Surviving Hell – @whatawriterwields (T, the series where Crowley’s coping mechanism is to shut down and then that coping mechanism becomes maladaptive in the new world. If you’re like me, you’re used to this writer writing the fluffiest creations known to man, so this foray into deeper territory socks like a cannonball right in the gut. Crowley’s healing process is long and it’s slow, with so much aching tender care from Aziraphale it is physically painful in a way. Can’t wait for it to update, I am INVESTED.)

94. Easier than Air – @a-candle-for-sherlock (G, the one where Aziraphale finally deals with stuff. This is a collection of panic attacks, as a warning; Aziraphale’s entire six-thousand-year life is catching up to him, living under Heaven’s eye and knowing he doesn’t measure up, still trying to be with Crowley even though knowing the danger…it’s a lot on a person, and it all kinda comes crashing down after Armageddon’t. Crowley takes care of him, talks and holds him through it all, and it’s so sweet, so freeing to vicariously fall apart through Aziraphale and be held through it by Crowley. Just. Augh.)

95. So Still I Wait – HotCrossPigeon (T, the one where Heaven locks Aziraphale in a void, basically, for three months, and then dump him back on earth for Crowley to pick up the pieces. Guys this one is part of a “hurt Aziraphale” series and it delivers. Aziraphale is his usual soft, silly self all throughout and that makes it hurt worse when he’s suffering, and downright agonizing when he’s trying to recover. Heaven is horrible to him throughout, and Crowley is so gentle and scared, and honestly I don’t know how I didn’t just keel over while reading it. This takes touch-starved to an extreme that booted it from the Touch-Starved category and into this one, because WOW. WOW.)

96. Flaming Like Anything – @thepoetoftime (NR, the one where any weapon Aziraphale holds flames. This one isn’t silly, exactly, but it is hilarious watching Aziraphale flame things like a stick and an umbrella and then absolutely CREAM his foes with them. Never stood a chance, poor souls. A wonderful read, with a surprising twist near the end I highly recommend savoring, it’s too good a mental image.)

97. Love Seeketh Not Itself to Please – @dietraumerei (T, the one where Aziraphale is hurt by a summoning and Crowley takes him to Heaven for healing. This one hurts on so many levels I don’t know where to begin. There’s the physical hurt—obviously—but then there’s the tension of our favorite reprobates being back in Heaven, and a moment where the rug is pulled that is disorienting and just…hateful, absolutely hateful, but in the weirdest, most relieving way. I cannot explain this to you, you must read it. And then sweet, sweet aftercare, because of course. I wouldn’t recommend it to you if there wasn’t any comfort in it, and this writer in particular has historically done excellently with the comfort aspect; this is certainly no different. It absolutely tickled my fancy.)

98. Cry for Absolution – forthegreatergood (T, the one where a miscommunication causes six thousand years of touch avoidance. Guys. GUYS. Crowley thinks his touch hurts Aziraphale and you know what it actually does? It actually hurts ME, personally, watching Crowley misread Aziraphale’s little gasps and flinches as pain rather than shock. Then they fight about it, and things resolve, but HHHNG. THAT PINING. THAT TOUCH-STARVED LONGING.)

99. White Walls and Dead Air – BabyHoldMyFlower (G, the one where Crowley has to physically take Aziraphale away from the plague. This one lands in this category rather than in the Body Worship/Touch-Starved/Wings category is the sheer (DESERVED) emotional vitriol Aziraphale has bottled up in him, the anger at God and Heaven, and how ragged he is from trying to stay ahead of the plague but just not being able to. Crowley helps, because of course he does, but this fic is the emotional equivalent of being put through a wringer. It’s exhausting and it’s beautiful.)

[novadreii]

my thoughts on castlevania s4 SPOILERS obviously

wow, i was actually impressed with hector for once. he collected the last wit about him to turn his situation around and take his balls out of lenore’s hands back into his pants. i thought he would go sicko mode on her and feared it getting a little revenge misogynistic, but i was pleasantly surprised at how civilized it was between them up until the end.

lenore was a little useless, wasn’t she? i half expected her to go, “you know what? fuck diplomacy” and just go mach 1 on everyone. eh.

isaac, oh. isaac. my favorite secondary character. wanders the desert conquesting, killing and raising the dead which made him realize things. he realized so much he marched right into carmilla’s castle while her beserker and army were away and owned her ass. good for him.

carmilla. oh, carmilla. tied with isaac for my favorite. so determined and single-minded that she sent away all her forces while she schemed in her fortress. she depended too hard on her partners doing all the work for her, and as a result she wasn’t much of a thinker, just a bloody, murdery doer. for example, she didn’t think that there were other formidable forces in the world that may want to impede her whole world domination plan? did she forget about isaac, out in the world rogue forgemastering? that was a threat she should have checked on before going global. she got too greedy, too quickly, and she paid the ultimate price for it. she went out like a fucking boss though, and i was pleased with her arc overall. as far as villains go, her raison d’etre was relatable and hard to argue with. 

the dialogue style is both one of my favorite parts of the show but also at times a pain point for me. when it’s good, it’s relaxed, comfortable and realistic and the characters play off each other really well with it (like quipping back and forth during battle which i normally hate but works well here). when it’s bad, it’s a little cringe. some dialogue scenes went on wayyyyy too long while the characters repeated things they’d literally just said verbatim, which is awkward af in screenwriting. i.e. Isaac telling Hector twice in the space of 30 seconds “Dracula earned his rest.” which is odd because impactful phrases like this usually are not repeated so as not to, yknow, dilute their impact. Also Carmilla waxing spiteful about “evil old men” and repeating some variation of the phrase 15 times in one scene. lastly, the liberal sprinkling of the word “fuck” in every other line is also like, mostly welcome but once or twice just sounded silly given the context of the scene. i’m nitpicking, here.

saint-germain. Idk much about his woman, but she definitely seemed worth slaughtering a village and raising dracula from the dead for. violent and hot as fuck, she never uttered a single word which i want to think is indicative of something but what? did we ever figure out why she kept eluding him via dimension-jumping? imagine she was trying to get away from him all this time lol. yikes.

the smartest people in this whole show are the vampire lesbians who peace tf out immediately when they see their castle is under siege and figure out carmilla is dead. LOL at them assuming useless lenore is dead too (bc, she’s useless) and just leaving her there. they packed their shit up, moved out west, presumably to build a lover’s stronghold where they could just be in vampire love forever. GOOD FOR THEM.

trevor: continued to drunkenly yell Fuck while being masterfully proficient immediately at any weapon he picks up, though eventually always ending up using his fists like the brawler he is.

sypha: if she met the avatar, she'd be like “lmao, you can ‘bend’ the elements, huh? i can use them in ways that would make your skin crawl and your head explode to even think about. sit the fuck down.”

alucard: adorable himbo with a heart of gold, needs a tough as nails gf to jerk him out of his moods and organize his kitchen for him. another round of good for him. i was a little scared they would kill off his gf but that would have been unimaginably cruel considering what he went through in s3. alucard had imo the best/most stylish fight sequences of the season. and they know what we’re about, since he was shirtless or at least in a very deep V cut most of the time. thank you.

i had 2 major predictions for this season going into it: trevor would die (permanently), and sypha would have a kid/get pregnant. i was 75% on the money.

i liked the ending message of why humans win these wars against vampires despite being slow meatbags compared to them. the vampires’ fatal flaw is resistance to change, provoked by their immortality, arrogance, and insatiable desire for power in order to provide themselves long term stability in the world. whereas humanity’s best trait is the polar opposite: adaptability. throughout history, the ability to adapt has been proven to be the determining factor in a species’ survival. vampires, for all their god-like strengths, prove to be no exception to this rule. alucard, with his human heart, is the only one with vampire blood who has proven he can make major changes and overcome personal prejudices to live a better life.

And my final thoughts on the ending are: everyone major got a satisfying end to their arc. BUT. it was just too happy. either trevor should have stayed dead, OR dracula and lisa should have gone back to hell. but not both. having everyone come back to life and go on to skip in fields just seems contrary to the tone and messaging of the whole show, which is pretty high up on the edginess scale.

i love a bittersweet ending in general, so i’m biased. imo, the joy of a mostly good ending is rendered all that much sweeter by reflecting on what was lost to obtain it. imagine:

alternate ending 1: trevor comes back, the gang lives happily ever after at Belmont Village or wtvr they name it, BUT. we see alucard lost in thought thinking about his parents, how he saw a flash of their souls during the penultimate battle. there’s regret there, the regret of shit left unsaid and shitty family dynamics unsolved. we cut immediately back to hell, with lisa and dracula embracing, maybe whispering a few lines of doomed lovers dialogue and something about their son. they’re in hell, but ultimately, they’re together. cut back to alucard, yanked out of his sad thoughts by his pretty gf who won’t let him get too deep in the weeds. shot pans out of them together with the gang. the end.

alternate ending 2: trevor is DEAD dead. sypha stays with alucard and the gang at belmont farms and raises her kid. maybe we get a 2 year timeskip and we see the little shit have some of his dad in him/her. sypha is sad about trevor but doesn’t mope about it. she runs that town like it’s a business. alucard is the best uncle to that kid & the orphans they could ask for. everyone gets trained in ass-kicking next door at the belmont hold. lisa and dracula are miraculously alive through whatever convoluted bs makes it work, and contemplate one day moving back to see their son. dracula has a moment to realize that his family is mostly human, and what he loves in them he can learn to tolerate from all of humanity.

don’t those feel happy but just. TINGED. with just enough sadness to be more memorable? idk i may just be a masochist.

i haven’t mentioned the technical aspects such as animation and direction because they were amazing. really, really incredible animation that is going to be hard to follow up (and netflix is going to make copycats of this formula, you bet your ass they will). where cgi was used, it was excellent and barely detectable, really well integrated with 2d. so engaging to watch.

overall: 9/10

[brentwatchesmovies]

Brent’s Top 10 Movies of 2019

Scorsese is probably my favorite living filmmaker, but I’ll be honest, when I heard that Scorsese was making this movie, and *how* he was making it (heavily digital de-aged actors) I was a bit skeptical. De Niro and Pacino haven’t been turning in interesting performances in quite awhile, and Pesci came out of a decades-long retirement for the movie as well. On top of that, the first trailer released did little for me. All that to say I was an idiot to doubt the master.

Scorsese returns to the crime genre that he re-invented many times over the years, this time with the eyes of a man in his 70’s, looking back on his life and career. The movie is very long, but in my opinion, it needs the length. The viewer needs to *feel* the totality of a life, and as is his intent with The Irishman, the *consequences* of this specific life. The final hour or so of this movie feels like a culmination of Scorsese’s career in many ways. The energy and entertainment of a crime/mob epic, with the fatalism and philosophical leanings of a movie like ‘Silence’. It’s a 3.5 hour movie that I’ve already rewatched, and actively want to again, so that alone ought to speak volumes.

Harmony Korine made one of my favorite movies of the 2010’s, the neon-soaked and often misunderstood ‘Spring Breakers’, so I was already in the bag for whatever he did next. When I heard it was a freewheeling stoner comedy where Matthew Mcconaughey plays a guy named ‘Moondog’ costarring Snoop Dogg, I reserved its location on my top 10 list.

This movie doesn’t have the empty heart at its core that defines Spring Breakers, opting instead for a character study about a ‘Florida man’ poet after his life pretty much falls apart. It’s basically plotless, stumbling from one insane, borderline hallucinatory sequence to the next, but I just loved living in the world of this movie. Beach Bum almost feels like a deliriously fun VR simulation of hanging out with Matt McConaughey and his weirdo friends down in the Florida keys. This is one that probably won’t pop up on many top 10 lists but I really adore, and will surely rewatch it a dozen times in the years to come.

Let the record show, I’ve been a huge fan of Bong Joon-ho since I first saw his monster movie/family drama ‘The Host’. Some time later, he went on to make ‘Snowpiercer’, one of my favorite movies of the last decade. All that to say, I think Parasite is probably his best movie, and a true masterwork of thriller direction. It also has his usual brand of social commentary and a script filled with darkness and humor, following a South Korean tendency to juggle multiple tones throughout, sometimes all in one moment or scene.

Parasite also follows a big 2019 trend of commenting on class and social dynamics between the rich and the poor. I think that’s part of why it’s done incredibly well at the box office (especially for a Korean language film), the fact that people can relate in a huge way, regardless of which country your from. Parasite is one of the most entertaining movie viewing experiences I’ve had this year and I’d recommend everyone check it out.

If you were to ask me what the funnest movie-going experience I had in 2019 was, I’d have to pick Rian Johnson’s ‘Knives Out’. Hot off making one of the best Star Wars movies ever made (don’t @ me) Johnson decided to make a passion project in the vein of classic Agatha Christie style murder mysteries, and the results are a total blast. Filled with clever twists and turns, weaponizing the structure of murder-mysteries against the audiences expectations, it stays one step ahead of you the entire time.

Aside from the clever mystery of it all, it’s the actors performances and chemistry that really sell this thing. Jamie Lee Curtis and Toni Collette are expectedly great per usual, and Daniel Craig is having the time of his life as Mississippi private-eye Benoit Blanc, but the heart of the movie is relative newcomer Ana de Armas. She brings an emotional weight and anchor to the movie that always keeps you emotionally invested amidst the terrible, money hungry backstabbing by the other heightened characters. I hope everyone sees this movie and Johnson is able to give us another Benoit Blanc adventure somewhere down the line, I’ll be there opening day.

Nobody makes an upbeat, feel-good movie like Ari Aster does! After last years light and breezy ‘Hereditary’ (which I liked a lot but didn’t totally love) he’s back with a completely riveting and emotionally draining (not to mention horrific) masterpiece. What I connected to most in Midsommar is the journey of Dani, played incredibly by Florence Pugh. The way the film portrays the relationship between her and her dog shit boyfriend played by the (usually) charming Jack Reynor keeps you invested in every twist, perfectly paced out over the movies admittedly long runtime.

I won’t get into spoiler territory, but where this movie goes in the end is what makes this a fully 5-star movie for me. After putting you through hell, like Aster loves to do with bells on, Midsommar ends in a euphoric, psychedelic orgy of music and violence that I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Midsommar rules so hard and I can’t wait for whatever twisted thing Aster cooks up next.

One of my increasingly favorite brands of movies is a finely crafted, primo slice of dad-movie cinema, and James Mangold has made one with Ford v Ferrari. The story chronicles the partnership of ex-racer and designer Carroll Shelby and racer Ken Miles as they work to make a Ford that can compete in the 24 hour race of Le Mans. Bale and Damon are a blast to watch bounce off each other and the race sequences are pretty damn thrilling, combining (what I expect is) a solid amount of great VFX with practical racing to great effect.

I also didn’t expect it to have as much to say about the struggle to create something special by passionate people and not committees while also inside the very machine that churns out products on an assembly line. Just a random note, this original movie was just put out by 20th Century Fox, now owned by Disney but that’s completely unrelated and I’m not sure why I’d even bring that up??? Anyway, I love this movie and dads, moms and everybody else should check it out.

If you saw my list last year, then it must appear like I’m some diehard Mr. Rogers fan. I don’t really have many memories watching his show as a child, but what the documentary ‘Won’t You be my Neighbor’ and this film by Marielle Heller have in common is a shared fascination of his immense empathy and character. It’s only right that America’s dad Tom Hanks should play him, and I was surprised at the end that I was able to get over his stardom and accept him as Rogers. He’s not doing a direct impersonation, and I think it’s all the better for it, instead opting for matching his soft tone and laid back movements.

On a pure emotional level, this movie was a freight train. It didn’t help that the movie covers a lot of father stuff, from losing your own to becoming one yourself (2 big boxes on the Brent bingo card). Heller’s direction is clever in its weaponizing of meta/post-modern techniques, such as one incredible fourth wall break in a diner scene. It literally breaks down the barrier between Mr. Rogers, we the audience, and the films intent to make us feel something.

I cry a lot at movies, that much is well known, but it’s rare that a movie makes me weep, and this one did. Even thinking about scenes right now, days later, my eyes are welling up with tears thinking about the messages of the movie. Mr. Rogers and his lessons of empathy and emotional understanding have rarely been as vital and important as they are right now in our world.

Robert Eggers first film ‘The Witch’ from 2015 is one of my favorite movies of this decade, possibly of all time, so my hype for his black and white, period piece two-hander ‘The Lighthouse’ was through the roof. Even with sky-high expectations, it still blew me away. With dialogue reminiscent of The Witch in its specific authenticity to its era, to the two lead actors giving all-time great performances, It was one of the most entertaining film viewing experiences I had this year.

There’s something about both of Egger’s movies that I really keyed into watching this one: his fascination with shame and the liberation from it. Where Witch was from the female perspective, Lighthouse literally has two farting, drunk men in a giant phallic symbol fighting for dominance. It’s less a horror film than his first, but still utterly engrossing, demented and specific to his singular vision. I can’t wait to see 20 more movies from this guy.

This is another big movie of 2019, like The Irishman, where you can see the director looking inward, at what his films mean and represent. It initially caught me so off guard that I really didn’t know how to feel about it, but after seeing it again, it’s one of my favorites of the year, and probably Tarantino’s filmography overall. More akin to something like Boogie Nights or Dazed and Confused, letting us live with and follow a small group of characters, it mostly doesn’t feel like a Tarantino movie (until the inevitable and shocking explosion of violence in the third act, of course).

‘Hollywood’ is the most sincere and loving movie Tarantino has made, interested in giving us a send off to an era of Hollywood and artists that have been lost or forgotten (Some more tragically than others). In the end, the movie functions similarly to ‘Inglorious Basterds’ in it’s rewriting of history to give us catharsis. “If only things could have worked out this way.” Luckily in movies, removed from the restrictions of reality, they can. And once upon a time in Hollywood, they did.

Uncut Gems probably tripled my blood pressure by the time the credits rolled. A slice-of-life story about a gambler/dealer in New York’s diamond district, the movie follows Howard Ratner, played by Adam Sandler in easily the best performance of his career. Ratner is basically addicted to living at the edge of a cliff, being chased by violent debt collectors, juggling a home life and a relationship with an employee, and fully relying on risky sports bets to stay afloat. It makes for a consistently tense and unique viewing experience, expertly directed by the Safdie brothers.

Something that might not work for everyone but that I personally loved, is the chaotic way in which the movie is shot. What feels like loosely directed scenes, with characters talking over each other and multiple conversations happening at once, adds an authenticity and reality lacking from most other movies. It’s more adjacent to Linklater (thanks to Adam for the comparison) or Scorsese’s earlier films (also fitting, that he’s a producer on this). Following Howard Ratner as his life descends into chaotic hell was one of the best times I’ve had watching a movie this year.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

AVENGERS ENDGAME

DOLEMITE IS MY NAME

BOOKSMART

JOHN WICK CHAPTER 3

THE FAREWELL

AD ASTRA

[dominionleathershop]

Audible Books

New Updated Audible List - There is NO real easy way to do this. To bad Tumblr does not allow the Rich Text Editor to change colors or I would have given you my favorites in this list...I am not going to do this in the native HTML language...too much a pain.  If you really want, I can pull the books that are my personal favorites...and put them in MY FAVORITES list.

But I have organized it by GENRE, then before the title, I gave the “book series” of the book if one existsted separate by a “ - “ For example:

Hunger Games, Book 1 - The Hunger Games Hunger Games, Book 2 - Catching Fire

Biographies & Memoirs > Politics & Activism Mornings on Horseback The Fiery Trial: Abraham Lincoln and American Slavery Grey Wolf: The Escape of Adolf Hitler Bios & Memoirs > Celebrities Son of Bum: Lessons My Dad Taught Me About Football and Life Bios & Memoirs > Personal Memoirs Failure is Not an Option: Mission Control from Mercury to Apollo 13 and Beyond Bios & Memoirs > Political Figures Game Change: Obama and the Clintons, McCain and Palin, and the Race of a Lifetime Going Rogue: An American Life Bios & Memoirs > Science & Technology Leaders Steve Jobs Business & Careers > Management & Leadership Valley of Genius Astroball: The New Way to Win It All Children's Audiobooks > Science Fiction & Fantasy Mortal Engines, Book 1 - Mortal Engines Mortal Engines, Book 2 - Predator's Gold Classics > British Literature Brave New World Fiction > Historical Aubrey/Maturin, Book 1 - Master and Commander Fiction > Horror Robopocalypse Fiction > Humor The Supervillainy Saga, Book 1 - The Rules of Supervillainy The Supervillainy Saga, Book 2 - The Games of Supervillainy The Supervillainy Saga, Book 3 - The Secrets of Supervillainy Year Zero Fiction > Religious & Inspirational Left Behind Series, Book 1 - Left Behind Left Behind Series, Book 2 - Tribulation Force History > 20th Century D-Day The Second World War Operation Mincemeat: How a Dead Man and a Bizarre Plan Fooled the Nazis and Assured an Allied Victory The Sleepwalkers: How Europe Went to War in 1914 The Coldest Winter History > American Lone Star Rising: The Revolutionary Birth of the Texas Republic History > Americas Isaac's Storm: A Man, a Time, and the Deadliest Hurricane in History History > Ancient History The Storm Before the Storm: The Beginning of the End of the Roman Republic History > Asia Midway: The Battle That Doomed Japan, the Japanese Navy's Story History > Europe The Great Courses: Modern History - A History of Eastern Europe History > Middle East Crusade: The Untold Story of the Persian Gulf War History > Military The Civil War: A Narrative Volume I - The Civil War: Volume I, Fort Sumter to Perryville The Civil War: A Narrative Volume II - The Civil War: Volume II, Fredericksburg to Meridian The Civil War: A Narrative Volume III - The Civil War: Volume III, Red River to Appomattox The Story of World War II Literature & Fiction > Action & Adventure Kill Decision Aurora Literature & Fiction > Classics Dune, Book 2 - Dune Messiah Literature & Fiction > Horror The Stand Literature & Fiction > Humor & Satire Phule's Company, Book 1  - Phule's Company Mysteries & Thrillers > Espionage Jack Ryan, Chronilogical Order Book 1) - Patriot Games Jack Ryan, Chronilogical Order Book 10) - The Teeth of the Tiger Jack Ryan, Chronilogical Order Book 2) - Red Rabbit Jack Ryan, Chronilogical Order Book 3) - The Hunt for Red October Jack Ryan, Chronilogical Order Book 4) - The Cardinal of the Kremlin Jack Ryan, Chronilogical Order Book 5) - Clear and Present Danger Jack Ryan, Chronilogical Order Book 6) - The Sum of All Fears Jack Ryan, Chronilogical Order Book 7) - Debt of Honor Jack Ryan, Chronilogical Order Book 8) - Executive Orders Jack Ryan, Chronilogical Order Book 9) - The Bear and the Dragon John Clark, Book 1 - Without Remorse Mysteries & Thrillers > Suspense Daemon, Book 1 - Daemon Daemon, Book 2 - Freedom (tm) Invasion: America, Book 1 - Invasion: Alaska Jeff Aiken, Book 1 - Zero Day State of Fear One Second After Mysteries & Thrillers > Technothrillers Influx Mystery, Thriller & Suspense > Mystery Change Agent Mystery, Thriller & Suspense > Thriller & Suspense The Martian Legion Delta-v Nonfiction > Politics Nullification: How to Resist Federal Tyranny in the 21st Century Nonfiction > Social Sciences Of Dice and Men: The Story of Dungeons & Dragons and the People Who Play It Romance > Erotica Masters of the Shadowlands, Book 01 - Club Shadowlands Masters of the Shadowlands, Book 02 - Dark Citadel Masters of the Shadowlands, Book 03 - Breaking Free Masters of the Shadowlands, Book 04 - Lean on Me Masters of the Shadowlands, Book 05 - Make Me, Sir Masters of the Shadowlands, Book 06 - To Command and Collar Masters of the Shadowlands, Book 07 - This Is Who I Am Masters of the Shadowlands, Book 08 - If Only Masters of the Shadowlands, Book 09 - Show Me, Baby Masters of the Shadowlands, Book 10 - Servicing the Target Masters of the Shadowlands, Book 11 - Protecting His Own Masters of the Shadowlands, Book 12 - Michief and the Masters Science & Engineering > Science The Interstellar Age Science & Technology > Technology Social Engineering: The Art of Human Hacking Science Fiction & Fantasy Bobiverse, Book 1 - We Are Legion (We Are Bob) Bobiverse, Book 2 - For We Are Many Bobiverse, Book 3  - All These Worlds Evil Genius, Book 1  - Evil Genius: Becoming the Apex Supervillain The Witcher Saga - The Last Wish Science Fiction & Fantasy > Fantasy Dark Elf Trilogy, Book 1 - Homeland Dark Elf Trilogy, Book 2 - Exile Dark Elf Trilogy, Book 3 - Sojourn Expeditionary Force, Book 1 - Columbus Day Forgotten Realms: The Avatar, Book 1 - Shadowdale Forgotten Realms: The Avatar, Book 2 - Tantras Forgotten Realms: The Avatar, Book 3 - Waterdeep Forgotten Realms: The Avatar, Book 4 - Prince of Lies Forgotten Realms: The Avatar, Book 5 - Crucible Arrival Science Fiction & Fantasy > Science Fiction Old Man's War, Book 4.5 - The Sagan Diary The Expanse, Book 2 - Caliban's War The Expanse, Book 3 - Abaddon's Gate The Interdependency, Book 1 - The Collapsing Empire Sci-Fi & Fantasy > Fantasy: Contemporary Iron Druid Chronicles, Book 1 - Hounded Iron Druid Chronicles, Book 2 - Hexed Iron Druid Chronicles, Book 3 - Hammered Iron Druid Chronicles, Book 4 - Tricked Iron Druid Chronicles, Book 5 - Trapped Iron Druid Chronicles, Book 6 - Hunted Iron Druid Chronicles, Book 7 - Shattered Iron Druid Chronicles, Book 8 - Staked Iron Druid Chronicles, Book 9 - Scourged Sci-Fi & Fantasy > Fantasy: Epic Belgariad, Book 1 - Pawn of Prophecy Belgariad, Book 2 - Queen of Sorcery Dragonlance Chronicles, Book 1 - Dragons of Autumn Twilight Dragonlance Chronicles, Book 2 - Dragons of Winter Night Dragonlance Chronicles, Book 3 - Dragons of Spring Dawning Genesis of Shannara, Book 1 - Armageddon's Children Genesis of Shannara, Book 2 - The Elves of Cintra Heritage of Shannara, Book 1 - The Scions of Shannara Incarnations of Immortality, Book 1 - On a Pale Horse Incarnations of Immortality, Book 2 - Bearing an Hourglass Incarnations of Immortality, Book 3 - With a Tangled Skein Incarnations of Immortality, Book 4 - Wielding a Red Sword Incarnations of Immortality, Book 5 - Being a Green Mother Incarnations of Immortality, Book 6 - For Love of Evil Incarnations of Immortality, Book 7 - And Eternity KingKiller Chronicles, Book 1 - The Name of the Wind KingKiller Chronicles, Book 2 - The Wise Man's Fear Malazan Book of the Fallen, Book 1 - Gardens of the Moon Song of Ice and Fire - A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms Song of Ice and Fire, Book 1 - A Game of Thrones Song of Ice and Fire, Book 2 - A Clash of Kings Song of Ice and Fire, Book 3 - A Storm of Swords Song of Ice and Fire, Book 4 - A Feast for Crows Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5 - A Dance with Dragons Sword of Shannara, Book 0 - The First King Shannara Sword of Shannara, Book 1 - The Sword of Shannara Sword of Shannara, Book 2 - The Elfstones of Shannara Sword of Shannara, Book 3 - The Wishsong of Shannara Sci-Fi & Fantasy > Sci-Fi: Classic Dune, Book 1 - Dune Foundation, Book 1 - Foundation Foundation, Book 2 - Foundation and Empire Foundation, Book 3 - Second Foundation 2001: A Space Odyssey Ringworld The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress Stranger in a Strange Land Sci-Fi & Fantasy > Sci-Fi: Contemporary Angel in the Whirlwind, Book 1 - The Oncoming Storm Angel in the Whirlwind, Book 2 - Falcone Strike Books 1-3 - Arisen Omnibus Edition Commonwealth Saga, Book 1 - Pandora's Star Destroyerman, Book 1 - Into the Storm Destroyerman, Book 10 - Straits of Hell Destroyerman, Book 11 - Blood in the Water Destroyerman, Book 12 - Devil's Due Destroyerman, Book 13 - River of Bones Destroyerman, Book 14 - Pass of Fire Destroyerman, Book 15 - Winds of Wrath Destroyerman, Book 2 - Crusade Destroyerman, Book 3 - Maelstrom Destroyerman, Book 4 - Distant Thunders Destroyerman, Book 5 - Rising Tides Destroyerman, Book 6 - Firestorm Destroyerman, Book 7 - Iron Gray Sea Destroyerman, Book 8 - Storm Surge Destroyerman, Book 9 - Deadly Shores Emberverse, Book 1 - Dies the Fire Emberverse, Book 2 - The Protector's War Emberverse, Book 3 - A Meeting at Corvallis Emberverse, Book 4 - The Sunrise Lands Ender's Game, Book 1 - Ender's Game Firestar, Book 1 - Firestar Frontiers Saga, Part 1, Book 01 - Aurora CV-01 Frontiers Saga, Part 1, Book 02 - The Rings of Haven Frontiers Saga, Part 1, Book 03 - The Legend of Corinair Frontiers Saga, Part 1, Book 04 - Freedom's Dawn Frontiers Saga, Part 1, Book 05 - Rise of the Corinari Frontiers Saga, Part 1, Book 06 - Head of the Dragon Frontiers Saga, Part 1, Book 07 - The Expanse Frontiers Saga, Part 1, Book 08 - Celestia CV-02 Frontiers Saga, Part 1, Book 09 - Resistance Frontiers Saga, Part 1, Book 10 - Liberation Frontiers Saga, Part 1, Book 11 - Born of the Ashes Frontiers Saga, Part 1, Book 12 - Rise of the Alliance Frontiers Saga, Part 1, Book 13 - A Show of Force Frontiers Saga, Part 1, Book 14 - The Weak and the Innocent Frontiers Saga, Part 1, Book 15 - That Which Other Men Cannot Do Frontiers Saga, Part 2, Book 01 - Escalation Frontiers Saga, Part 2, Book 02 - Rescue Frontiers Saga, Part 2, Book 03 - Resurrection Frontiers Saga, Part 2, Book 04 - Rebellion Frontiers Saga, Part 2, Book 05 - Balance Frontiers Saga, Part 2, Book 06 - For the Triumph of Evil Frontiers Saga, Part 2, Book 07 - Who Takes No Risk Frontiers Saga, Part 2, Book 08 - Sanctuary Frontiers Saga, Part 2, Book 09 - I Am Justice Frontiers Saga, Part 2, Book 10 - Retaliation Frontiers Saga, Part 2, Book 11 - A Rock and a Hard Place Frontiers Saga, Part 2, Book 12 - A Price to High Galactic Football League, Book 1 - The Rookie Galactic Football League, Book 2 - The Starter Galactic Football League, Book 3 - The All-Pro Galactic Football League, Book 4 - The MVP Galactic Football League, Book 5 - 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[platonicone]

Devotion -  Story of the Oracle and her Shield

Chapter 6 - Sins of the past

Is it a crime to punish someone who does not even remember their crime? I wonder…

“I am delighted to see you again, my dear friend.” He said removing his hat and bowing down slightly.

“Do I know you?” Squall asked skeptically.

“This must be a jest. You don’t remember me?” He said, taken by surprise. After seeing no expression on Squall’s face, he said, “Oh, you are not kidding. I am Ardyn Izunia, your loyal friend and ally, at your service.”

“How do you know me? I have never met you before.”

“Oh, it breaks my heart to hear that after all that we’ve been through.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You, me, Griever and Ifrit waged a war against all the Astrals. You swept in like a hero and plunged your sword into the heart of Bahamut. Because of you, Bahamut is still recovering in the crystal. What a glorious battle that was. And you remember none of it? Pity.”

‘Gentiana never mentioned anything about this,’ he thought. Squall shook his head and said, “I don't remember doing anything like that.”

‘How interesting, did Bahamut remove all the memories of the last time?’ Ardyn wondered

“Squall, does the word Omen mean anything to you?”

He shook his head in response.

“Interesting. How about Stella?”

‘Other than the alias Lunafreya uses, no.’ He thought and shook his head again.

‘Hmm, so he does not remember anything from last time. Not even Stella? I wonder if he even recognizes who Lunafreya is.’ Ardyn thought while twirling his hat in his hands.

“Tell me, do Rinoa, Selphie, Quistis, Zell, Irvine, Laguna, any of these words ring a bell?”

“No,” he said.

‘My my, he remembers no one from his world either.’ Ardyn wondered.

Ardyn looked Squall straight into his eyes and said, “Why are you here, I wonder? Did the Astrals tell you anything?”

“It’s none of your business,” Squall replied.

“Now, now. Is this a way to talk to your dear friend? I am just trying to help you.”

“Why should I trust you?”

“Because I too am a prisoner of fate, just like you.” He whispered getting close to Squall’s ears. “I can help you find the answers you seek. Now tell me, why are you here?”

“I don’t know. All I am told is that my mission is to protect the Oracle on her journey and reunite her with her king in Altissia.”

“You are to serve as Lady Lunafreya’s champion?” He said aghast.

“I guess so,” Squall replied with a shrug.

‘Have Bahamut gone mad? After what happened the last time, why would he reunite them? It makes no sense.’ Ardyn thought.

“And what do you get for completing your mission?” He asked curiously.

“In return, I will be able to go back to my world.”

‘Go back to his world? That is not even possible. His world was destroyed a long time ago. Why deceive him?’ Ardyn wondered. ‘I need to do some research on all of this.’

“Squall, trust the Astrals at your own peril. They had betrayed you once, and they will do it again.”

“You are not making any sense,” he said with frustration.

Ardyn just waved at him and started walking away towards his car.

“Hey, explain yourself.”

“In due time, all will be clear to you. For now, just play your role,” Ardyn replied from a distance. He gave him a small bow and disappeared among the crowd.

‘What the hell is going on here? I don’t understand anything.’ Squall said, clutching his head.

He made his way towards the hunts. ‘Why am I here? Why don’t I remember anything from the past? How do I go back home? Why do people think that I was here before? Why do people talk about events of which I have no recollection of? Why do they know more about me than I do?’

Killing monsters helped him release all the pent-up frustration. He returned to the city as the Sun began to set. After finishing his chores, he stopped at the apparel shop to grab a new pair of clothes. It was a simple white V-neck t-shirt, black pant, and short-sleeved black jacket.

He grabbed something to eat from the food court and picked up soup for Lunafreya.

He quietly opened the door, not to disturb her. He kept the soup next to the one he brought yesterday and then walked up to her bed to check on her. She was still fast asleep.

Pryna was sitting by Lunafreya’s bedside as expected. Umbra had made himself comfortable in the chair.

By the time he came out of the shower, both Umbra and Pryna were gone.

“I guess it’s you and me again,” he said to the sleeping girl.

He reached her bedside to examine her. “How was your day?”

Not expecting any response, he started narrating his day, “My day was weird. It started with me arguing with the hospital staff as they refused to give me any chores because my arm is injured. I told them I was fine, but they wouldn’t listen. Eventually, they gave me some boring delivery jobs. I was just about to get started on it when a spunky girl literally ran into me. She offered to give me a tour of the town as a form of her apology. I have to admit it is a nice town, and it is bigger than it looks. She even gave me a gift at the end. And then I meet a strange guy named Ardyn. He claimed to know me. He thinks that I fought with the Astrals. Honestly, he wasn’t making much sense. I think he is just crazy,” he said, absentmindedly stroking her head.

“After that, I did a few chores and quests. Got new clothes. Grabbed something to eat. Brought you some soup and here I am now. By the way, the soup is really good, you should try it,” he recommended to the sleeping girl.

He sat down on the visitor’s chair and grabbed the remote. “You want to watch something?”

Before he could indulge in watching TV, he noticed a sudden drop in temperature. He turned around to see Gentiana walking towards him.

“I’ve come to warn you; stay away from Ardyn.”

‘How did she know?’ he thought, narrowing his eyes.

“I am aware of your encounter with Ardyn. I am junctioned to you, so I reside in your mind.”

‘Does that mean you can read all my thoughts?’

“I can only see those thoughts which you let me.”

“And how exactly do I do that?”

“Whenever you think of me is the only time, I have access to your thoughts.”

‘Creepy,’ he thought.

She laughed before apologizing. “I am sorry, I shall be very mindful of your privacy. I promise.”

“Whatever.”

“I can sense the turmoil within you. What is it that you would like to ask?” she said, cutting to the chase.

“I don’t know where to being,” he said honestly. “Let’s start with Ardyn. Who is he?”

“Ardyn is the Usurper. Propagator of chaos and scourge. He is not to be trusted.”

“Apparently, I fought by his side against the Astrals. He also said that the Astrals betrayed me.”

“Lies.”

“All lies stem from some truth,” he challenged.

“The truth is that it was Ardyn who betrayed you, not the Astrals.”

‘If only I could remember, I would know the truth.’ He thought with dismay. “How come I don’t remember any of this?”

“An anomaly lost in a timeless world wandering to find liberation. Neither past nor future has any bearings on you for the only thing that is yours is now.”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

Gentiana walked towards sleeping Lunafreya and gently placed her hand on her forehead. “She is alone and hurt, yet she puts on a brave face and bares it all. She is reluctant to ask for help, for she feels responsible shall they be hurt. She belongs to all yet she yearns for belonging.”

‘Umm, can we focus on me please?’ he thought.

As if reading her thoughts Gentiana said, “She will lead you to the answers you seek. Rather than worrying about the past or future; Focus on the present. This world differs greatly from yours. There is a lot you would have to learn to survive and succeed. Every step you take will be filled with danger so you would do best to be prepared for anything.”

She turned around and walked away from Squall. “We shall meet again, Squall,” she said and within a blink of an eye, she disappeared, leaving small ice crystals dancing in the air in her place.

‘That was not helpful at all,’ he complained as he placed his hand on his forehead.

Next Night

“Hello Lunafreya, how was your day today?” He asked as he kept another container of soup next to the one he brought yesterday. He emptied the old soup, but kept the Moogle shaped container.

He came closer to her bed to inspect her. “You are looking good today, they removed some of your bandages it seems. I had an eventful day as well. I went out with Iris today to rescue some refugees. Those refugees were so grateful when we arrived. This war has really taken a heavy toll on the lives of civilians.” He absentmindedly strocked her head while giving her his daily briefings.

He took a quick shower and returned to his favorite pass time, watching TV.

He sat down on his usual chair and started flipping through some channels before settling on the news channel.

Tonight, we will look at the history of Tenebrae and their royal family of House Fleuret. We will also take a special look at our endearing Oracle, Lady Lunafreya.

“Wow, you really are famous,” he said, looking in her direction.

Although he would never admit it, he was more interested in learning about Lunafreya than the history of Tenebrae.

After a brief history of Tenebrae the segment he was waiting for started.

Lady Lunafreya is a noble and dutiful woman who talks about her hopes and dreams and acts on her own initiative. She is always cordial and polite to those around her, but is also a political strategist who puts her duties and the well-being of her people above her own needs. Befitting of her duties as Oracle, she possesses unparalleled compassion. Lady Lunafreya can commune with the gods of Eos, the Astrals. The famous trident she wields is said to be a ritual tool bestowed upon the first Oracle by the Astral god Bahamut. As the Oracle, she has the power to heal those affected by the plagues of darkness, and people travel long distances to be seen by her. Lady Lunafreya works tirelessly to help any who seek her out, and she is highly revered by all across Eos. Following is an excerpt from her recent interview:

Lunafreya: Though I am still young, my blood is true. As my mother before me, I'll work to bring peace to one and all.

Interviewer: Is it hard giving blessings?

Lunafreya: It would be selfish of me to complain of my burden, when so many suffer in wait. I hope they trust I will not rest until they all know solace.

Narration: The world watched on with worry and wonder as the young girl grew.

Interviewer: I understand you have a message for us?

Lunafreya: If you know of any who are bedridden, or unable to come to me. Pray, send word, and I shall go to them. I follow my calling. I will not halt my steps for anything else.

Interviewer: Lady Lunafreya, your strength is an inspiration to all. What is your opinion of the treaty?

Lunafreya: When war has ended, so too will suffering subside. The treaty is a momentous step towards a brighter future. Let there be no doubt: we walk the path of true peace.

Once the excerpt from her interview ended, the host came back for the closing of the show.

We are very blessed to have such a pious Oracle in these dark times. Ever since taking up the responsibility of the Oracle she has traveled tirelessly to cure those afflicted by the curse. Her drive to make his world a better place is an inspiration to us all. On top of that, she does that with flair and grace like none other. Both her internal and external beauty is unmatched in all of Eos. I think she is definitely in the running for the most beautiful woman in all of Eos.

‘Hmm, now that you mentioned it, she is exceptionally beautiful,’ he thought still looking at the TV screen.

Once the program was over, he took his medicine and got ready to sleep. He went to her bedside and said barely above a whisper, “I hope you wake up tomorrow.” He slightly lifted her head to adjust her pillow. He pulled over her blanket and tucked it around her gently.

He sat in the visitor’s chair and stretched his legs on a small stool in front of it. The rhythmic beeping sound of machines soon put him to sleep.

Next Night

He emptied the old soup and placed a new container next to the old one in a line. “Dr. K said that you are recovering well. All your reports came out to be normal.”

He walked closer to her bed and examined the monitors measuring her vitals, “Heart rate, normal. Blood pressure, normal. Pulse, normal. Good work, soldier.”

He leaned on the railing of the bed and looked at her closely. “They finally removed Band-Aids from your face. Looking good Lady Lunafreya. I had a fun day as well. Umbra and I finished a lot of hunts today. Hunter HQ even gave me some reward for leveling up as a hunter. I am starting to get the hang of fighting with one hand.”

“I forgot to show you something,” he said, as he reached in his pocket. “I got a new cell phone today. I meet this strange guy named Vyv.” He recollected the events from earlier in the day:

“Thank you so much for coming to our rescue yesterday,” the refugee said, grabbing Squall’s hand in appreciation.

“It’s the least I could have done,” he said, freeing his hand from the man’s grip.

“The name is Lank, by the way,” he said, pointing a thumb to himself.

“Squall,” replied with brevity.

“We had one more caravan behind us. Last I spoke with them, they said they will be at the checkpoint by the nightfall,” he said worried about his friend and family who were in a different caravan. “I hope they make it here in one piece.”

“I am sure your friends will be fine. Few of us are going to the checkpoint to receive and escort them safely,” he said calmly.

“Thank you once again, Squall. You are a godsend,” said Lank as relief washed over his face. “I hope to see you around.” He waved before disappearing in the crowd.

“Ah! So, you are the new hero everyone is talking about,” said a stranger approaching Squall who had overheard the earlier conversation.

“I am no hero. Just helping when I can,” Squall said, downplaying the suggestion.

“Hi, the name is Vyv Dorden,” he said as he stood next to Squall.

“Squall,” he said, before adding. “But I think you already knew that.”

“Sorry to eavesdrop on your conversation, but I couldn’t help it,” he said with a laugh. “You gave him hope. After what happened to the crown city, hope is the best gift anyone can get.”

“Just doing what I can,” Squall replied with a shrug.

“Strong and humble, that is a rare combo,” Vyv said with a smile. “So, I was hoping that you can help me too.”

“Help with what?” Squall eyed him curiously.

“I am the owner of Meteor Publishing. I am writing a weekly article on a bestiary of Eos and this week’s article is about Griffon. I need its picture from up close. I have to submit it for publication tonight,” he summed up his situation.

“That’s a short notice.”

“Ya, I know. The last hunter I had sent failed to even close to the Griffon. I guess he was a noob. Because it’s such short notice, I’ll pay you good. So, what do you say?” He said, clearly hoping for a yes as an answer.

“I guess I have some time before I go to escort the refugees. But I don’t have a camera,” he stated his limitation.

“Hmm, I don’t have a spare camera right now. I gave the last one to that hunter,” he said, looking in deep thought. Suddenly, his emotions changed, and he said with excitement, “I got it. Here, take this,” he said, pulling a cell phone out of his handbag.

“You can take pictures with this. It’s the latest model from Lucis,” he said, handing over the cell phone to Squall.

“Okay,” he said, inspecting the phone.

“You know, I’ll sweeten the deal for you. Since you are out in the field a lot, how about you snap pictures of any beasts you come across? You can keep the phone, but in return, you frequently send me pictures of different beasts. The more dangerous and up close you are to the beast, the better the picture sells. More it sells, more you get paid,” he concluded his sales pitch.

“That is rather reckless,” Squall complained.

“I know,” he said with a laugh. “I was initially thinking about calling my company Lestallum Maniacs but thought that would be too on the nose so I eventually settled for Meteor Publishing.”

‘Travel around the world taking pictures. Hmm... why does this seem familiar?’ he wondered silently.

“Okay, I am in,” he agreed.

“Attaboy,” Vyv said, clapping.

“So that is how I ended up with this camera,” he concluded his story. "I am so tired from fighting with that Griffon today. I guess I’ll rest for now.”

“I hope you wake up tomorrow,” he said, tucking her in.

He fell asleep watching a documentary on Kingsglaive and Crownsguard.

Next Night

“I think I made a mistake by giving out my cell number,” he said, placing a new container of soup in line.

“This whole day the phone just kept on ringing. Squall, refugees need this. Squall, monsters sighted here. Squall, we are running low on medical supplies. Just no end to it,” he said, examining her by her bedside.

“It was a tiring day, but honestly, it felt good that so many people reached out to me for help. It feels nice to be Mr. Reliable. Now, only if Ms. Reliable here would wake up, it would be fantastic. The world needs their Oracle, but you still refuse to wake up. You are so stubborn,” he said, playing with her hair.

“Also, I meet Talco today. He is still a kid, but he knows a lot. He is a history buff. I think you would like talking to him.”

“I hope you wake up tomorrow,” he whispered.

“Let’s see what is on today,” he said, taking his seat. He watched a documentary, ‘A brief history of Accordo,’ before falling asleep.

Next Night

“Hey, I brought you something today,” he said, announcing through the door. “Something besides soup I mean,” as he kept a fresh soup container in line next to the old one.

“I brought two rubber suits. I went to EXINERIS today,” he said, putting the bag down.

He went up to her bed and examined her. “They finally removed the cotton gauze wrapped around her head. You are looking good today. I had an interesting day today. I helped Holly with some monster issue in EXINERIS and in return she let me have her rubber suit they use while repairing their electrical circuits. Since we will be fighting Ramuh next, I thought this would come in handy, don’t you agree? Have you seen their facility from the inside? It is huge. It is truly a marvel how they are extracting energy from the fallen meteor. Genius. We talked at length about how they should plan to spread this meteor-based technology across Eos as an alternate energy source. I will meet with her over the next few days to plan for the logistics of this project.” He said as he absentmindedly stroked her head.

“I hope you wake up tomorrow,” he said, tucking her in.

“Is it just me or does it get really cold in here?” He said as he leaned back on his chair.

Next Night

“I hate Dr. K,” he entered fuming as he placed a new container of soup in the line.

“It’s so stupid. Do you know what she suggested?” He said as he marched to her bedside.

He leaned against the railing and continued his rant. “First, she calls me up to her office, so I went thinking it would be some serious conversation.” He recollected the events from earlier in the day:

“Squall, her new reports came back today and the good news is that everything is normal,” said Dr. K sitting in her chair.

"Then why is she not waking up?” He said folding his arms.

“That is a mystery,” she said with a shrug. “At this point, we just have to wait for her to wake up on her own.”

“Hmm,” he reacted with a frown.

“There is one thing we can try,” she said sounding very thoughtful.

“At this point, I am willing to try anything,” he replied.

“Nah, I don’t think you have guts to do it. Forget it,” she said, brushing off the topic.

“No, tell me. I’ll do it, I promise,” he said reassuringly.

"I read it in a book recently that when a girl falls into a deep sleep, one of the ways to wake her up is with a true love’s kiss.” He could not believe that she delivered that entire line with a straight face.

He facepalmed, and she busted out laughing. “When you said, ‘I read it in a book’ I thought you were talking about some medical journal, not some children’s book.” He heavily emphasized the world children while she just laughed.

“Hey, nothing else has worked so might as well try it,” she said still grinning at her own joke.

“It only works in movies and fairytales,” he said sounding annoyed.

“How do you know it won’t work? Have you tried it?” she said with a raised eyebrow.

“No.”

“Then try it. You promised,” she was having too much fun poking at him.

“No. This is stupid,” he said with another facepalm.

“Oh, you don’t find her attractive?” she said, pushing his buttons.

“I never said that.”

“So, you do find her attractive, but don't want to kiss her without her consent?” She said with a raised eyebrow.

“I cannot confirm or deny that. You are so annoying. I am out of here,” he said, turning around ready to stomp out of her office.

“Wait, at least take his prescription,” she said calling him.

“What prescription?” he asked curiously.

She pulled out a prescription pad from her lab coat and scribbled something on it and handed it to him. “Here. Apply this on your cheeks. It would help reduce your furious blushing.”

“Can you believe it? That woman is insufferable. That was such a terrible joke. I hate her.” Even though he was angry, he could feel that he was blushing already.

To change his train of thoughts, he grabbed a book and made his way towards his chair.

“By the way, I got this book today, Cosmology. Would you like me to read it to you?” He said getting comfortable in his chair.

After finishing the short book about the history and lore of Eos and Astrals, he went back to her bedside. “I hope you wake up tomorrow,” he whispered.

“I’ve gotta tell Dr. K that at night it gets very cold in here, they need to relax with their AC. Actually, no. I’d rather suffer in cold than talk to her again,” he said as he leaned back on his chair.

Next Night

“Hey,” he said after putting soup containers in line as per his self-made ritual.

He walked up to her bedside to examine her. “You are recovering well it seems. All the bandages are taken off now. Only a cast on your arm and leg remains, which will take a while, of course.”

He leaned against the railing, lowering his head in defeat. “I had a bad day today. I helped people, did hunts and all, but mentally I wasn’t there today. I kept thinking a lot about everything that has happened until now. Without my memories, I don’t know what world I left behind and what world I will return to. Is there someone even waiting for me in my world? If Umbra found me from the time void, then doesn't that mean I don’t belong in the world I am trying to go back to? Even in this world, I feel like a stranger who does not belong here. I am constantly surrounded by people, but I feel constantly alone. Would anything change at all if I were to just disappear or die today?”

He shook his head as if to shake off those depressing thoughts. He stood up straight and looked at her once more. “Wake up Oracle, your world needs you.” After a long pause, “No, I need you. I feel at peace when I am around you. I hope you wake up tomorrow.” He made sure she was comfortable before returning to his chair.

He fell asleep cursing Dr. K for keeping the rooms so cold at night.

He could hear birds chirping in the background. Sunlight gently peeked through curtains. He adjusted the blanket and tried to shut all the stimulus out and go back to sleep.

Suddenly something registered in his subconscious brain.

'Wait a minute. I don’t recall sleeping with a blanket.'

He slightly opened his eyes to check if it was indeed a blanket he was covered with.

'Go back to sleep Squall, we can figure out the mystery of your stupid blanket when we wake up.' His mind retorted.

Just as he was about to close his eyes, he caught something in his peripheral vision. His perfect line of soup was broken. The container he brought last night was gone and only the lead remained in its place. His brain pieced things together, and he immediately bolted up in his seat.

He looked towards her medical bed, which was now in an upright position. The girl sitting on the bed waved at him.

“Good morning, Squall,” she greeted him with an angelic smile.

Author's notes:

Two new FFVIII characters were revealed in this chapter; Hope you caught them both.

The answer from the last chapter: Phoenix pinion is an item used to summon Guardian Force Phoenix in FF8.

This chapter's question: Who is Lank from FF8?

Please leave a comment if you've enjoyed the story so far. I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks :)

[aion-rsa]

The Creeping Reality of V for Vendetta

https://ift.tt/2pIaT0k

It's not the Fifth of November yet but that doesn't mean we can't consider how V for Vendetta's dystopian future is closer than ever.

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Remember, remember the fifth of November, the gunpowder, treason, and plot. I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.

These are the words that have accompanied hundreds of Guy Fawkes Day celebrations ever since that eponymous Catholic failed to blow up Parliament in 1605. But for many millions the world over, the poem is now synonymous with V for Vendetta, a shockingly subversive studio movie that was released in 2006. More than a decade later that film’s success at celebrating radical political ideas can still be felt by the fact that a movie which glorifies terrorist action (blowing up Parliament and Big Ben) is considered a classic in many circles, and is routinely viewed at the beginning of every November by movie fans the world over. It’s almost a fitting bit of irony that the film’s iconic visage of uncivil disobedience—the sleek and sexy reworking of a Guy Fawkes mask on Hugo Weaving’s face—has similarly become ubiquitous with anarchists, counterculture subversives, and online hackers, who all wear the trademarked Halloween item… that they helpfully purchase from the very capitalist friendly Warner Brothers’ merchandising arm on Amazon.

Nevertheless, the film is always worth remembering on Nov. 5 (or any other day), because director James McTeigue and the Wachowskis’ best screenplay to date succeeded at shrewdly adapting the V for Vendetta graphic novel to the big screen. Alan Moore purists might forever remain skeptical of such praise since by reimagining a seminal anti-Thatcher ‘80s hit piece, the Wachowskis essentially reworked the entire narrative as a brutally anti-Bush allegory (and reconfigured Weaving’s V and Natalie Portman’s Evey as a surprisingly convincing star-crossed pair of lovers from The Phantom of the Opera mold). In the process, Moore’s V went from being the poster child for anarchy to a defender of classical liberalism.

But on its own cinematic terms, V for Vendetta combines slick R-rated action movie set-pieces (that are appropriately theatrical for a comic book adaptation) alongside some pointed criticism of the U.S. government circa 2006, specifically in regard to the War on Terror and the persecution of minorities in right-wing media (remember folks: as recently as 2004, a president ran a successful national campaign by pledging to make a constitutional amendment that banned gay marriage). The film may have unintentionally also endorsed the use of torture for political radicalization, but that’s neither here nor there.

Watch V For Vendetta on Amazon

Just as sweeping as its brava rebranding of Tchaikovsky’s “1812 Overture,” V for Vendetta remains a pop culture artifact about the anxieties felt on the left in the waning years of George W. Bush’s presidency. And with it being so specifically fitted to those critiques, it should in theory seem very dated in the third year of President Donald Trump's tenure in the White House.

Yet, if one looks around, it becomes apparent that we are tiptoeing ever closer to the dystopian future that V for Vendetta warned so vehemently against…

A Government for the People That Watches the People

One of the most chilling (and familiar) beats of dystopian hell envisioned in V for Vendetta is the Orwellian presence of a Big Brother. The film’s cartoonish dictator, High Chancellor Adam Sutler, is clearly meant to resemble Adolf Hitler. However, the filmmakers also selected John Hurt for the role of the tyrant who stripped away his country’s civil liberties. This canny casting recalls George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four since Hurt starred in the actual 1984 adaptation of that book.

And like that story’s infamous Big Brother, Sutler’s Britain is under constant surveillance by roaming trucks that are eavesdropping on every dinner table, phone, or digital conversation amongst its citizens. This is an obvious allusion to the U.S. PATRIOT Act, which provided extraordinary freedom to government agencies to pursue suspected terrorists in October 2001 (less than two months removed from the shadow of 9/11). And its encroachment on civil liberties was as disquieting in 2006 as it is in 2019—after it was extended twice during the Obama administration.

As a U.S. senator in 2005, Barack Obama spoke precisely about reforming the law: “We don’t have to settle for a PATRIOT Act that sacrifices our liberties or our safety—we can have one that secures both.” Yet elements of the PATRIOT Act were only allowed to temporarily expire in its June 2015 extension due to the maneuvers of Senator Rand Paul. Meanwhile Obama, a president I greatly admire, continued to run afoul of civil liberties groups and privacy advocates.

In fact, it was during his administration that Edward Snowden, a former contractor for the National Security Agency, unleashed a cascade of classified documents that showed the NSA was secretly utilizing a global system of surveillance that was gathering massive amounts of information about the private correspondence of both American and foreign citizens. Initially, the White House’s reaction was to brand Snowden as “not a patriot” (he currently lives outside the reach of extradition in Russia) and to suggest that the American people simply needed to become “comfortable” with the NSA’s mass bulk collection of millions’ phone records. 

But eventually the Obama White House reversed course, first by appointing a panel to quell concerns of “distorted” information in the press about the “drip, drip” and “Big Brother” perception the U.S. government ascertained overnight. Subsequently, Obama pivoted closer to the side of civil liberties (especially after a U.S. federal judge ruled the bulk collection was probably unconstitutional). In June 2015, the NSA lost the carte blanche authority to collect millions of Americans’ phone records via the White House supported USA Freedom Act (the NSA now needs a targeted warrant from the FISA court).

So, all is well that ends well in this particular case, right? Maybe, except Snowden is still living in exile and considered a traitor by many government officials, the PATRIOT Act persists, the aforementioned parts that Paul was able to see expire were reinstated by the USA Freedom Act, telecommunications companies can still stockpile Americans’ bulk data, which the FISA Court allows access to with a secret warrant, and it is so easy to imagine a scenario where a president less constitutionally minded would not choose to introduce a bill after an intelligence agency was caught with its hand in the wiretapped cookie jar. Or one who would seek to expand its powers further when the PATRIOT Act comes up for renewal again.

In fact, given many of the strongest political winds at the moment, it seems that for every step forward, we’re about to take 50 goosesteps back.

Video of V For Vendetta - 3 - Control Through Fear

The Spread of Misinformation

Another hallmark of any good dystopian yarn is a state-run media arm that inundates and brainwashes a public via the spread of propaganda. Hence one of the most exciting moments in V for Vendetta is when the titular anti-hero invades and commandeers what is clearly intended to be a stand-in for Fox News, using their ability to infest every home in England to now instead offer a rousing cry of “vive la révolution!”

Of course even in 2006, it was unfair to conflate Fox News with being a government-run puppet of the Republican National Party or the Bush administration. In many ways, the tail wags the dog with Fox News setting the Republican Party's agenda, especially now that its standard-bearer prefers getting his news from Fox & Friends as opposed to his own intelligence agencies. By contrast, V for Vendetta simplified mass media misinformation for the sake of narrative brevity. Indeed, the point about the dangers of media misinformation are only more pronounced now than they were 10 years ago.

read more: The Best Dystopian Movies and TV Shows

As broadcaster Edward R. Murrow once prophesized in 1958, “For surely we shall pay for using this most powerful instrument of communication to insulate the citizenry from the hard and demanding realities, which must indeed be faced if we are to survive.” At the time, Murrow was musing about the decline of broadcast news during a period where there were only three channels on television. Today with the increasingly endless variety of media resources in a post-internet and post-social media world, the dissemination of lies and falsehoods is greater than even the Wachowskis’ paranoia could imagine during the pre-iPhone naiveté of 2006.

With more information than ever at folks’ fingertips, the desire to insulate one’s self in a media echo chamber has ironically become only more desirable for millions.

To use V’s veiled punching bag of Fox News as an example, a University of Maryland study in 2010 found that Fox News viewers were more misinformed about factual information than those who consumed their primary news stories from any other major resource. Also, misinformation is arguably more dangerous to public discourse than even uninformed voters, because the misinformed are often more confident in clinging to discredited information.

Nine years later, it’s now a lot easier to fall down the rabbit hole of innuendo and ideological fanaticism (i.e. lies) than it was in the age when cable news reigned supreme. The more people become insulated in partisan echo chambers, the easier it is to create the effect of a brainwashed society hinted at in V for Vendetta—government run or otherwise.

Consider that Frank Luntz, a Republican pollster and once frequent Fox News commentator, showcased this bizarre resistance to reality  among a group of Donald Trump supporters. Preferring a particular political candidate for president was their right, but when Luntz emphatically proved the future Republican nominee Trump lied about how many Syrian refugees President Obama attempted to bring into the U.S. in 2016—for the record it was 10,000 refugees while Trump falsely asserted it was 250,000—the reaction was apathy, including comments like “he’d let in as many as possible” and “what is in his heart?”

Luntz further found that only three of the 29 Trump supporters sampled believe that Obama is a Christian. One even insisted that he believed Obama was sworn into office in 2009 on a Quran. Also the general consensus was to prefer news from far right-wing leaning media like Breitbart (a site that willfully sided with the Trump campaign over its own reporters, even in an incident of alleged physical assault) and talk radio while anything considered “mainstream media” was to be viewed with hostile skepticism and outright denial. This was years before a fanatical Trump supporter, who watched the president call all non-right-wing media “the enemy of the people,” mailed several pipe bombs to CNN in addition to those of nearly a dozen of Trump's political opponents and critics.

Additionally, Steve Bannon, the former executive chairman of Breitbart News LLC, was hired by Donald Trump to be his campaign's CEO, further muddying the waters of collusion between political leaders and the partisan, extremist media they court--although after Bannon fell out of favor with the mercurial president, Breitbart happily threw him to the wolves and fired the fallen Trump advisor from his returned chairman role, all to curry favor with the veritably lying and tweeting president.

In this current climate of media tribalization, it is far easier for a demagogue like Sutler to lie his way to power and to then retain it.

Video of Opening scene from V for Vendetta

Persecution of Minorities

V for Vendetta begins with a blunt and on-the-nose depiction of the kind of politics that High Chancellor Adam Sutler and his Norsefire Party represent. Roger Allam’s Lewis Prothero is obviously meant to be a cross between Howard Beale and Joseph Goebbels when we hear his televised voice before even realizing we’re watching Natalie Portman and Hugo Weaving’s robed introductions.

From the very first frame, Prothero, and by extension the political party he represents, hisses his disdain for those inherently responsible for all of the problems in the world: “Immigrants, Muslims, homosexuals, terrorists, diseased-ridden degenerates, they had to go! Strength through unity, unity through faith!”

read more: The Best Sci-Fi Movies on Netflix

Drawing a parallel between the nativist bigotry represented by V for Vendetta and the current disintegration of the Republican Party is like tracing with a ruler. While V for Vendetta’s fears about the persecution of the LGBT community turned out to be thankfully unfounded in the Obama Years with “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” repealed and gay marriage now the law of the land, everything else Prothero espoused hatred for is again in the national conversation… except with even less nuance. This includes how the Trump adiministration is targeting people who identify as transexual as Other, beginning with banning them from the military.

It would almost be redundant to bring up how Donald Trump—the preferred president of David Duke, a former Grand Wizard of the KKK, and Neo Nazis everywhere—suggested in 2015 that we should ignore the Constitution and founding tenets of this country by creating a religious litmus test for entry while banning all Muslims (which he has now made a restricted version of the law of the land via executive order). So let’s just focus on what the man who once inferred he did not know what the KKK represented. While on CNN in 2016, the GOP candidate said, “I think Islam hates us.” For the record, this also insinuated merit to Anderson Cooper’s question about whether Trump believed Islam was “at war with the West?” 

Let this sink in: The President of the United States insinuated that a religion of 1.6 billion people (that’s roughly 23 percent of the global population) is at war with the United States. It certainly gives his voters a boogeyman to fear in the shape of nearly three million fellow American neighbors. In the 2018 midterms, he shifted the focus back to his original boogeyman when he turned the media's attention to an “invasion” of South American refugees from a crumbling caravan a thousand miles away walking through Mexico on foot.

V for Vendetta features flashbacks of Sutler rounding up British Muslims, and gay and lesbian citizens to be taken to camps. While Trump has not suggested anything quite that drastic for Muslims (yet), he campaigned pretty damn close to it in regards to undocumented immigrants. And then he acted on it as president, supporting and then attempting to defend a policy designed to ruin immigrant families by locking children in cages. This makes good on a campaign launched by the claim that a majority of undocumented migrants are “rapists,” which in turn led to millions of Trump supporters chanting “build a Wall.”

One imagines that if Prothero was a real person, he’d have been in the bleachers right next to them, talking about how he also agrees about shipping off minorities in a “humane” way to a place where they’d be “happy.”

“He’s Completely Single-Minded and Has No Regard for Political Process”

Ultimately, however, the easiest way to glimpse our ever growing flirtation with Sutler’s future is to see how parts of our culture already march to the sound of the fictional character’s bark. Midway through V for Vendetta, V surmises that Sutler’s career began with “a deeply religious man and a member of the conservative party. He’s completely single-minded and has no regard for political process. The more power he obtains, the more obvious his zealotry and the more aggressive his supporters become.”

Obviously, the Wachowski Siblings, as well as Alan Moore before them, were revisiting the rise of Adolf Hitler in a modern context. I would not suggest that it is a 1:1 comparison, but so much of how V describes Sutler could be used at this very moment to detail the popularity of Donald Trump.

In terms of political process, one only has to look at the Republican president’s woefully dishonest campaign promises and then often fractured policy, be it rounding up illegal immigrants or now claiming he has the power to revoke birthright citizenship without a Constutional amendment, despite it being enshrined in the 14th Amendment. In 2016, he ranted and raved about how he plans to immediately deport 12 million people living in America without due process, a claim he echoed in 2018 by playing ignorant to due process. Even Bill O’Reilly once called him out on that fact, pointing out in 2016 that under the Constitution, anyone detained on American soil (i.e. not just crossing the border) has the right to be processed in our judicial system—a harrowing (and impossible) feat if it is to be immediately implemented around 12 million times. Yet Trump just shrugged the facts off, repeating, “They’re here illegally,” as if repetition and magical thinking will make it constitutionally sound or at all humane.

Then again, Trump’s entire rhetorical approach has already been documented as operating on a fourth grade reading level, and it is as effective as the emphatic leader of V for Vendetta’s fictional conservative party. Increasingly, folks cheer when he suggests attacking cornerstones of American life like the freedom of the press. Much like how Sutler reacted to a political TV parody that made him look the fool, the Donald let his thin skin show when he suggested, with the utmost earnestness, that one of the things he wants most is to “open up libel laws.”

Even if the Supreme Court settled long ago in 1964 that you need to prove an organization reported inaccurate information it knew to be false with malicious intent, Trump would like to be able to sue “The New York Times [when they write] a hit-piece which is a total disgrace or when The Washington Post, which is there for other reasons, writes a hit-piece. We can sue them and win money instead of having no chance of winning, because they’re totally protected.”

His whining about the press suggests a chip on his shoulder worthy of when Sutler had a late night comedian disappeared into one of Creedy’s black bags.

Yet these are applause lines for supporters who are indeed embracing V’s visions of a dystopic 21st century where the more power Trump receives, the more aggressive they become. With almost every Trump rally during the heated primaries, there seemed to be another attack, another beating, and another protest devolving into chaos. In January 2016, Trump told an Iowa crowd, “There may be somebody with tomatoes in the audience. If you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you?... I promise you, I will pay for the legal fees.”

Two months later in North Carolina, a black man was sucker punched by a Trump supporter as he was being escorted by police out of the facility, and it was captured on video. Despite visual confirmation of an unprompted burst of violence from a white supporter toward an African American protestor, Trump lied to his supporters when he said, “It was a guy who was swinging.” He then condoned the violence by saying, “I thought it was very, very appropriate… that’s what we need a little bit more of.” He then later would not refute the alleged attacker’s claims that the protestor was a member of ISIS.

After his ascendency to the White House, many emphatic supporters of Trump have become more violent instead of less so. When a visceral orgy of far-right politics converged on Charlottesville, Virginia in 2017, Neo Nazis, Neo Confederates, and card carrying members of the KKK celebrated an event titled "Unite the Right," including a number of supporters dressed in President Trump's preferred golfing attire as they marched with torches and chanted "The Jews will not replace us," word-for-word the same cries made by Nazis at 1930s rallies. The following day, one such far-right extremist drove his car into a crowd of counterprotestors, killing 32-year-old Heather Heyer. The following week, Trump gave rhetorical cover to racist supporters by saying "there were very fine people on both sides." A year later, a Trump enthusiast sent bombs to Trump critics. A year after that, a far-right terrorist opened fire in a Walmart in El Paso, Texas, killing 22 people and injuring another 24.

Eventually, this is going to devolve into something even more tragic and reminiscent of the 1930s.

How is this anger growing right now in a country that actually has seen a growth in job creation, GDP, and access to healthcare while a decrease in the deficit and unemployment over the last six years of Obama's presidency and then increasingly so in the Trump years? There is an obvious racial and deplorable component for a number of voters in this country from the David Duke mold. Still, there are also reasons for justifiable anger with a cataclysmic income inequality gap and stagnant wages, the undeniable stench of money in politics, and the ever modern and unending anxiety of the new century: the threat of terrorism. But demagogues like Sutler and Trump are exploiting these fears and frustrations with such ridiculous ease, and building it on a foundation of hate, nationalism, and bigotry, that it seems almost fictional.

But if you think all of this is slanted, partisan hooey, watch V’s impassioned plea for the people of England to set aside their fear and face an ugly reality inside their culture. Then admit that it is not prescient for the direction our country is headed in.

Video of V for Vendetta: The Revolutionary Speech (HD)

So yes, Americans are closer than ever to achieving the dystopian future imagined for England in V for Vendetta. That’s something to remember, remember for the fifth of November.

A version of this article first ran on March 17, 2016.

David Crow is the Film Section Editor at Den of Geek. He’s also a member of the Online Film Critics Society. Read more of his work here. You can follow him on Twitter @DCrowsNest.

Read and download the Den of Geek NYCC 2019 Special Edition Magazine right here!

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Feature

Books

David Crow

Nov 5, 2019

V For Vendetta

The Wachowskis

Natalie Portman

Hugo Weaving

from Books https://ift.tt/2JjXiVW

[middleagedangst]

Marching to the Beat of a Handmaid’s Drum

A pro-choice manifesto... by a dude

_________________________________________________________________

Freedom of choice. It’s as American as apple pie, baseball, and watered-down beer. As Americans, we get to choose what we buy, where we eat, who we love, whether or not we like someone based on their opinion of The Office… You get where I’m going. Exercising your choice is a great display of your patriotism and love for this nation.

Sometimes our freedom of choice gets ripped away from us. It can happen when the grocery store you frequent decides to stop carrying your favorite brand of powdered mashed potatoes (I’ll never forgive you, Kroger!). But sometimes, it gets ripped away by the very people who took an oath to serve you and protect all of your freedoms, even the ones that live in a gray area.

Avoiding human interaction and wasting time on my phone has never been more obnoxious. Between all the President’s shit-tweeting, to our planet being on fire, to all of the other depressing shit going on, just even trying to read the news sends my pulse into a near-fatal death spiral. It’s hard to find a good pick me up and dog videos and other real-life blooper reels can only get you so far.

But speaking of death spirals…

Let’s discuss the latest thing to fall into one, the freedom to make a different kind of choice, a woman’s right to body autonomy and abortion.

(Okay liberals, before you get all bent out of shape, I know I’m just another privileged cisgendered white man who deserves to be burnt at the stake and for that reason, you may ignore everything I write and instead sit and yell at your screen so others know you have a black belt in woke-jitsu. Trust me, same team. Kumbaya and shit.)

This whole abortion debate has me pretty fucking confused. First, wasn’t this shit settled back in ‘73? And second, I thought this was America, where we have freedoms so great terrorists hate us and the government was supposed to keep their noses out of our business? Whatever happened to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?” The American dream? What the fuck America? Is Lady Liberty too strung out on God, guns, and OxyContin to remember the hood she came from?

Making laws that hinder a woman’s individual liberty is some shit that isn’t exclusive to state governments. The Taliban, Al-Qaeda, Boko Haram, fucking ISIS, all have laws intended to keep women subservient and powerless over their own life. At least they’re honest about their theocratic motivations. What say you, Georgia, Ohio, Alabama, Tennessee, Utah, Missouri, Mississippi, Arkansas? The dumpster fire of Ohio is even trying to take it one step further with a bill that, in a way, caters to the religious right’s push for abstinence by equating any contraceptive that prevents fertilization to abortion. Fortunately for me, the bill makes no mention of a situation sock.

I have to ask, do the politicians that are supporting these laws actually think that they’re going to really stop anything? The people that think its wrong or don’t want one are already not getting abortions. Sure, it might put a dent in overall numbers and make law-abiding citizens think twice before getting the procedure, but no law will ever stop it completely. History has shown time and time again that trying to legislate morality is futile. Prohibition, the drug war, bestiality- all failed attempts at controlling the morality of the sovereign by the political class. Abortion is no different. Women got them before Roe v. Wade, and I’ll bet that they’ll get them after these laws take effect. It might help some of these pro-lifers sleep at night knowing that they have done something to protect the life of an innocent child, but is restricting human rights worth saving the potential life of an unborn fetus?

First off, that child you’re hell-bent on protecting might just end up to be a real asshole. We all know a few. It might become a drain on society, or be a mass murderer, a drug addict, war criminal, or even worse, a Democrat. Will it be worth all your zealotry then? Will it be worth saving that life that then becomes all the other things you despise? What if the child needs your help getting by, or being fed, or getting a good public education? Are you going to be pro-life then? Or are you going to complain they aren’t a desirable example of a human being and a bad American? It seems easy to want to protect that life while still in the womb, but it’s apparently much harder to want to help that same life flourish.

That’s my main problem with pro-lifers. They say they’re all about life being born and we should do everything we can to protect the ones that can’t speak for themselves, yet when it comes to actually helping a life outside of the womb, then all attempts are deemed socialist and unamerican. Universal healthcare. Fuck that. Raising the minimum wage to a living wage, communist. Programs that would help the less fortunate and end a cycle of poverty, nope. What about the life that already exists? Shouldn’t it be important to help protect the mother from having to potentially raising a child alone or when they’re already struggling to make it? Dare I even mention that in cases of rape, the woman would always have a constant reminder of that incident, or that the rapist still has parental rights?

I’ll take a pro-lifer seriously when they openly condemn war, capital punishment, factory farming, eating meat, pollution, racism, sexism, police violence, poverty, hunger. Until then, I don’t think you can truly label yourself pro-life. All you can label yourself is pro-childbirth. Or pro-government control. Statistically speaking, most women who get abortions are already poor or misfortunate. Many of these children forced into this world will be brought up poor (Poverty affects health. Look it up.), or raised in an abusive home, have parents that neglect them or are addicted to drugs. How is that a good thing? What is so great about having to live that way?

It’s nice to want everyone to have the same values as you when you live in a nice suburb with decent schools and a healthy tax base, but when every day is a struggle and surviving isn’t that easy, your decision making and sense of what’s right changes. It shouldn’t be anybody else’s prerogative to dictate how others live their lives.

We should be moving society in a direction where abortions aren't really desired. There are ways we can do that but many of the same people that want to ban abortion don’t want to pony up some more money on their tax bill to do so but are willing to make sure they pay for extra law enforcement and jail for those that violate their will. Instead, it seems we’re totally fine with moving back to a time where women had less control over their own lives. Barefoot and pregnant seems to be the baseline for how these politicians view women.

So maybe instead of being assholes and restricting a woman’s freedom, find other ways to minimize the number of abortions in this country. How about allowing for easier access to birth control, especially in poorer neighborhoods? How about funding comprehensive sex education? Genital mutilation-free male birth control. That one’s easy, mix it straight into Viagra. Boom. Done. You’re welcome science. Invest in better public schools and higher education, more homeless shelters, addiction treatment facilities, psychiatric hospitals, and jobs programs. Expand taxpayer-funded healthcare for all. Give handjobs a better PR team. Literally, anything is better than resorting to stripping rights away. Show a little humanity.

Even though you might not agree with the practice, there are benefits to turning the other cheek. Studies have shown that access to abortion helps lower poverty and crime. Fewer people will be brought into the world at a disadvantage which means society as a whole gets better. Fewer children in foster care (which is expensive, by the way). Less money needed for social programs. Less crime, so fewer spent on prisons. This is a bottom-up problem and it is deserving of bottom-up solutions. Instead of acting like the morality police, take some time, know why these things happen, understand and act with some compassion.

I know that as a man, I don’t really have a say in what women do with their own bodies. It’s none of my fucking business, and it’s none of yours too. I'm not making an argument as to what constitutes a human life and whether or not it should be considered murder. That’s a whole other discussion. I’m making the case that as a sovereign adult citizen of the self-proclaimed “free-est country on the planet” a woman should have the actual freedom to make a decision that will serve their own best interest and do it safely.

Showing resistance to this display of power and control is needed, perhaps now more than ever. If you agree with a woman’s right to choose, if you believe in self-governance and freedom, then take to the streets, be obnoxious, vote the fuckers responsible out of office, make your voices heard in the most annoying ways possible. Act like the gun nuts. Because you never know what the dicks in Washington will try to take away next.

Having an informed and motivated populace is what the government fears. You have power. You have a voice. Use them.

[sangriatimes]

Nintendo Switch saves Valentines Day

Can you believe that we are almost half-way done with January? Maybe it’s just me and the countless hours I put into reviewing the latest titles for the Nintendo Switch...which is our focus point that can change the tide if you hit a hard spot this V-Day. Maybe you don’t have enough money for that dinner, movie and gift. Maybe you thought that restaurant you made a reservation at is more expensive than you though. Maybe you just started a new relationship but you still have some awkward silences that seem to kill the mood. Whatever the situation may be a Nintendo Switch can get you to second base and home plate...trust me.

So let’s look at some of the titles for switch that are great to play with that special someone. (Games are listed in no particular order; games are not based on “)sales”; Games are mainly hidden gems)

1. Monopoly | 9.5 out of 10

Hear me out. I was one that grew up playing the original board game with my family and the overall appeal of the game was astounding, but I lost interest when I got older and noticed how long it takes to make everyone go bankrupt. ...but this is something...otherworldly. The first awesome thing you will notice when you pick up this title is the use of the Joy-Con controllers to shake the dice and throw them. Though this is still the same mechanic in spirit as its predecessor but with the newly animated boards populated by Mii’s and watching a living city grow as you play and add properties adds an entirely new respect for Money Bags. Our team lost track of time having so much fun with this one and before we knew it, we had seen 5 hours pass. (No one wants to play Monopoly for that long.) 

2. Uno | 8.5 out of 10

Uno is another one of those games I grew up playing with family. When I purchased the game, I was expecting some sort of controller mechanic similar to Monopoly’s dice...but with cards instead...but I was let down. None the less, going into this, I didn’t even know that there were so many ways to play Uno besides the normal rules. Once again, I was amazed at how much more fun this was than the physical cards themselves. Rules like “Stacking. Where Player 1 can play a “Blue Draw 2″ card and Player 2 can counter play a “Draw 2″ card as well. ...but if Player 3 doesn’t possess a “Draw 2″ card, Player 3 then has to pick all 4 cards from the previous turns” was so exciting to try and there are many other ways to customize rules and play styles. 

3. Super Smash Bros | 9.0 out of 10

I really don’t need to go into detail about this one. My only issue with the Smash series is I would really enjoy a multiplayer adventure mode or campaign. I was quite pleased with the full roster of characters though. Disclaimer: Make sure your partner isn’t a sore loser. We all know about SSB’s steep learning curve for beginners. “Don’t be a butt...”

4. Diablo 3 | 9.0 out of 10

I remember having this title on my old PS4 and being able to enjoy it on my PS Vita while I was in a relationship with someone who liked the game as much as I and we would both take our Vita’s to the restroom with us so we could keep the experience going. This title can definitely be used to understand the mindset your partner has by the way they customize their character and the actions they take in response to events. It’s a top-down action-adventure-role-playing-hack-n-slash (inhale.) It is a port of it’s original released on PS3 & 360...the price tag is still $59.99. That’s a deal breaker in my book.

5. NES Emulator | 7.5 out of 10

I honestly chose this one because of how many gamers I know and how 89% of them are males. This is something for those who don’t game to get their feet wet. The emulator is free on the eShop for a 7-day trial but comes with a subscription cost after. Pretty inexpensive for the titles they have. Legend of Zelda, Super Mario Bros, Metroid, and many more. It even comes with special versions of some of the games which gives the player the experience of playing with Game Genie cheats.

6. 99 Vidas | 7.0 out of 10

Your probably thinking, “ Why is this even listed?” Well, just in case that partner your with doesn’t dig the 8-bit look or the low-res adventures of the NES Emulator and desires a little more action and has a fetish for Streets of Rage and Beat ‘em Up’s. Simply. The available characters are cool enough to get players to find a favorite out of them. ...so...that’s good!

7. Oh Sir...The Hollywood Roast | 8.3 out of 10

After seeing the Samuel Jackson clone named “Bad MotherHugger” who’s personality is totally canon, I had to dig deeper. If you didn’t play the prequel, you don’t need to. I honestly only used the first title to learn how to play. In this installment, you and a co-star face off on a movie set where your scenario is to insult the other the worst. It plays like a fighting game, complete with health bars, special insults, tag team insults and so much more. For the price it is, I was expecting something way less entertaining. Oh, and one point or another you will joke against a Deadpool copy...a less funnier Deadpool but funny enough.

Consider this the American version of The Office.

8. Oh Sir...The Insult Simulator | 7.8 out of 10

Obviously, this is the European version of The Office. I won’t say this is better than the sequel and I can’t say it’s worse either but I will say “I am an American...” What this game does is teach you how to layer your jokes and how lay the foundation for repetition in your topics to create combo’ s. I like to let the opponent bombard me with little weak jokes and build a super mean and super long insult that grants victory for only one joke. I call it, “The Kamehameha Effect!”

9. No More Heroes: Travis Strikes Back

The third installment to the series hits the eShop and retailers in a few days and I am super excited to get my copy. If you aren’t familiar with the series, let me fill you in:

Travis Touchdown is the protagonist of all three games. In NMH1 we find Travis at his lowest moment in life. Jobless, hopeless and drunk, he runs into a mysterious woman who offers him employment with a sketchy syndicate group he knows nothing about. Luckily he had lost all his money by winning a bid at an online auction for a Beam Katana,  his main choice of weaponry. Not long after, you find out you were hired as an assassin in a shady game by her higher-ups. Travis takes the job after being promised some passionate TLC if he can take out all 10 of the already top ranking assassins all over the world. Travis is a pretty simple guy. He likes mecha anime, luchador wrestling, old school video games, porn, sex, and sleeping on the toilet.

In NMH2, Travis finds out that after becoming the #1 ranking assassin in Santa Cruise, he finds out that he actually has hundreds of more assassins in a new ranking system where Travis is the lowest ranking.

This time around, Travis is joined by the father of one the assassins he killed in NMH1, and the co-op option is something that would have been outstanding to have in NMH2 but none the less the developers always deliver great content in their titles and this one will not disappoint. Couples will enjoy the kinky nature of the series for sure. It has been proven many times.

10. Broforce | 9.5 out of 10

Every wanted to play Super Mario Bros on NES but with guns? Ever want to change Mario for, let’s say...any huge action movie star from the 80′s, 90′s, 00′s? Ever wanted it to be a co-op experience with up to 4 players with local and online co-op? As a mercenary for the USA, you are sent to 3rd world contries to liberate them from the evil control of Satan and his hell spawn. Before that, you will have to fight through waves of kamikaze soldiers, war dogs, giant helicoptors, aliens (...from the movie “Aliens”) and much more. Along the way, you will recruit an entire cast of badasses. From Rambo to Robocop, you will find Chuck Norris, Neo, Blade, Bruce Willis, Terminator, Preditor, Machette, Michelle Rodrigez, The Bride (Kill Bill) & so many more including Mortal Kombats Raiden.

Very easy to pick up, very hard to put down.

11. Nidhogg 2 | 8.0 out of 10

2D-Side Scrolling Fighter. You start of with a sword. When you die, you respawn with a dagger. When you die, you respawn with a bow and arrow. Die again and respawn with an ax. Die again and respawn with your fist. This cycle will continue until you our your opponent makes it to the opposing end of the map. Maps are relatively small and consist of about 2 to 3 different frames. Sounds easy on paper right? 

Tons of laughs to be had!

12. Tales Of Vesperia

If your looking for an in-depth RPG you both can play while she sits between your legs and you both focus on the Switch screen laying in front of you: this is for you two. The co-op system usually only functions when you enter battle. Player 1 will always be the one running around the world map but this is still fine if you keep an open-mind and communicate on decisions that impact the story and more. (Keep track of your own money.)

side-note: All Tales games are co-op in this sense, even the Super Nintendo picks.

13. Harvest Moon: Light of Hope

I’ve been a Harvest Moon fan since Super Nintendo and got my first copy on the N64. I know a lot of people see this game and hate the thought of a farming simulator but unlike it’s counterpart with the same name-sake; Harvest Moon is so much more. This can easily tame the craving for an adventure-rpg-dating sim with a very rich story and characters that actually grow on you. I have not had the chance to play this particular version yet, but I saw it was multiplayer and that sold me. If you want to try a good yet cheaper version, Harvest Moon: Back to Nature is by far, one of the best, next to Harvest Moon 64.

So there you have it, our picks of love for your love to love with their love! Honestly...I don’ t celebrate Valentines Day (poly-gang), but I love exposing partners to new things that they can enjoy together.

OUT!