#v: idolverse

[bangtanfanfiction]

layin’ low → kth (M)

Inspired by the queen Hyolyn’s release ‘Layin’ Low’. 

M.List

♢ Pairing: Taehyung x Idol!Reader ft. Jeongguk and Jimin as dance partners

♢ Word count: 4.4k

♢ Genre: fluff, smut, secret relationship      Warning: swearing, jealous/possessive behavior, female & male oral sex, quickie, backstage sex, dirty talk, slight dom Tae

↳ Hyolyn always has me hook, line and sinker for every comeback she does. So here’s a one shot inspired by the dance of her new song cause I’m a thirsty bitch :´)

Blankly staring at the surface of the table beneath your laptop, you took a slow, contemplating sip of your now watered coffee in the tall, slim glass, matching clear straw to follow. The screen of your laptop stared back at you as you grumbled again.

The paused frame of the dance practice to your newest song was currently your largest annoyance. 

The finished product of practicing and recording it with your dancers ended last week, and not even a whole week later, your management informed you of a scheduled invitation to a special stage collab for an upcoming award show. 

The deal breaker?

You had complete control over the collab, in terms of inviting who you wanted to join you. The show executives arranged a meeting with you and requested you made it into a ‘star studded’ stage if possible. You had said yes, cause why the fuck not? It was the perfect opportunity for promoting the newest song, and you needed clout at the end of the day in this crazy industry. 

The process of recruiting people was tricky, you decided. Especially without the assistance of a whole team or management behind your back. You had many friends, no secrets there. Male and female idols alike from numerous groups in the industry. 

But the condition had been ‘star studded’ to the point that would get the whole industry and tabloids talking. So you were forced to start ranking your friends on a popularity poll. 

And as much as you tried to be objective and not a rude friend, the end result had been obvious before you even started researching. Your most famous friends were at the end of the line; BTS. 

Now you were in the position of how to ask two of your boyfriend’s groupmates to perform a very, sexual and questionable song with you live on stage in front of his face. 

You had tried to the ends of your abilities to try and switch Taehyung’s schedule with his manager and personal team, to the point of nearly whining like a literal child with the manager and begging for him to have time to practice with you. But, alas, it had been a fruitless try. He was packed with personal schedules and was not able to change the schedule for your dance.

Sighing to yourself in misery, you took a look around the HYBE canteen around you and instead tried to admire the vast space, grey wall and floor-to-ceiling windows that showcased the entirety of Yongsan district to your view.  

The coffee had been very tasteful when you first ordered it. But the amount of time sitting here had watered it down like any other iced coffee. You were a self-appointed caffeine addict and were picky with your choice of drinks even if they ended up being the same ones. But you had been impressed knowing they were experienced baristas hired to work in the canteen’s coffee bar rather than just random part-timers. 

Quantity over quality, you supposed. Even for coffee making. 

The surrounding people were only staff, to your understanding. All are either working or eating lunch with colleagues. Some had greeted you in passing, but not other idols in sight. 

Finally determined, you made up your mind before chickening out and wrote a quick text to Taehyung about his whereabouts. He was always quick at replying when it came to you, saying, ‘Lounge with jk, jm and Hobi Hyung.’

With that, you packed away your things and made your way toward their private lounge. 

The current company you were signed with hade made HYBE their new home after its finished renovations. It had been a positive change for you as a small solo artist, as well as your relationship with Taehyung. The company building was large enough for both of you to be at work at the same time without feeling forced to be in each other’s presence every day. 

Both of you had the freedom to work by yourselves and see each other when the need for a quick cuddle, lunch, or coffee date arose and go separate ways again. It was the ideal setting for your secret relationship. 

Arriving at the massive, private practice room labeled for BTS - you walked through the empty space littered with some of their personal belonging before entering the closed door of their lounge, greeting the sight of the four men relaxing in various places around the room on their phones. 

“Hey Y/N.”

“How’s it going, Y/N?”

“Hey, beautiful.”

Returning the greetings warmly, you dropped down next to Taehyung on the couch with a peck on his cheek as his hand laced through yours naturally, lifting it to his mouth for a soft caress. 

“Were you working on something?” Jimin glanced at the laptop you put on the table, as well as your poorly hidden disgruntled appearance. 

“...just figuring something out,” you replied vaguely, casually trying to glance around the room and get a sense of the mood they were in. 

They all seemed to be in a relatively good one, so maybe it was your chance to ask them about it. 

“Actually guys…” leaning forward, they all turned their attention to you. “Are any of you free to do a collab stage with me for the upcoming award show?”

“Why not Taehyungie hyung?” Jeongguk questioned what you had expected to begin with.  

“I’m too busy,” he replied, rubbing an apologetic hand on your back, but you already understood him. 

“What kind of collab?” Hoseok asked. “I’m a bit busy working on some songs with Yoongi hyung right now.”

“It’s a dance collab to my new song, you know the one I showed you guys a few weeks ago.”

Jimin lurched up from his lounging position with a giggle. “You mean that crazy, sexy song? Taehyungie said it gave him bedroom vibes.”

The two men proceeded to share a snicker at the memories as you rolled your eyes good-naturedly in return. “Yes, the very sexy song - which is why I asked you guys, 'cause you’re basically like brothers to me so it wouldn’t be awkward.”

“That’s not exactly how you ask us to perform a sexy collab with you, Y/N,” Jeongguk pointed out with an amused tilt of his lips. “I’m sure that’s illegal.”

“Oh shut up, you know what I meant,” you whined in return, collapsing back into Taehyung’s chest as he chuckled at your expense, hand wrapping around your waist and pulling you into his side - an action that always made your stomach flutter not matter the time spent together. 

“Sure, I’ll do it - I’m not too busy besides the usual work we do before an award show,” Jimin offered with a grin. “How many people do you need?”

With a thankful grin, you then turned to the youngest, “Two?”

He returned the look knowingly before giving in quickly. “Fine, I’ll do it - just because it’s you, Y/N.”

“You’re the best!” With a cheer, you jumped up to hug them both tightly. 

“What’s the choreography like?” It was Hoseok who had asked in interest as your smile slightly dropped hesitantly. 

“It’s…uhm, emotional?”

At their quizzical looks, you couldn’t help but flush slightly in embarrassment. “Uh, you can watch it on the laptop, it’s unlocked,” you said before quickly addressing your boyfriend. “Tae, can we talk?” 

Before he or the others could comprehend, you had pulled him out of his seat and out the door inside the empty practice room. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I just wanted to check if you were alright with all of this.”

His confused look eased the slight pressure you felt. “About the collab?”

“Well yeah,” you scratched the back of your neck sheepishly. “You remember I told you it was quite a mature concept.”

He must have sensed the anxiety as you spoke those words because Taehyung pulled you into a hug before pressing a soft kiss on your lips which you returned almost gratefully. 

“Y/N, I’m okay. So all you need to do is concentrate on that performance and do your best. Don’t worry about me, really.”

Resting your head against his chest, you sighed happily. “I love you, you know.”

“I love you too,” he laughed softly, pecking the top of your head.

+

Taehyung couldn’t believe that the one time he lied his fucking ass off would be to your face. But following the current dry rehearsal to the upcoming collaboration between you and two of his brothers, made him consider if it was a mistake to lie. 

To be completely honest with himself, he had been against it the moment you had mentioned it in the lounge and he knew where it was going. Was he against it because it happened to be his group mates? Of course not, he trusted them with his life and they were among the few people that knew about his relationship with you. 

Was it the fact that someone else got to put their hands on parts of your body that only he was privileged to? Fuck yes. 

The only reason he had decided to lie to your face and encouraged you to do it was due to the reminder of your excitement months ago - When you had basically come to him running with a childlike grin full of excitement and babbled off about this new outline you had to a song and the mature concept that you couldn’t wait to try out for the first time in your career. 

Taehyung had always considered himself to be a supportive boyfriend and fellow artist, but he never realized how fucking hard it would be to watch you grind against someone on the floor that wasn’t him. 

If it weren’t for it being Jimin and Jeongguk, he probably would have jumped on stage and pried you away from them. But BTS were praised for their professionalism for a reason - they all knew to separate personal lives from work, and the performance was just that; work. 

But this was also the only time Taehyung felt himself getting annoyed over how amazing performers they both were. With their gazes roaming your body, hands clutching at your hips and thighs, he could have been convinced they were ready to fuck your brains out. 

It didn’t help that your stage outfit consisted of a skimpy glittering, nude bodysuit with a thong that showed off that perky ass and your smooth legs wearing a pair of stilettos he was sure would break any other normal person’s ankles dancing like you were. 

Jeongguk and Jimin wore silky satin shirts in black and white respectively matching the glittering fabric on your body, and black jeans belted around their hips. The clothes were made to show off the sensual, silhouettes of your bodies and add to the sexual tension showcased on stage. Their shirts also happened to be unbuttoned at the top to show off a teasing amount of skin. 

The only positive thing he could take away from this was that your bodysuit was a high neck and was long-sleeved, but its skin-tight quality didn’t help in his brain. 

But all he could do was stand and watch blankly - playing the role of a fellow artist and not a jealous boyfriend. 

“Wow, she really went all out this time,” Hoseok praised, watching the performance intently with the eyes of a fellow dancer. Damn his hyung, and his ability to objectively watch a performance that was making his own dick hard. 

“Mhm,” the mumble was all he managed to reply with.

The original choreography had only lasted a minute or so including the male dancers in your music video - but because it was such a rare and special collaboration, you had lengthened the performance and added more choreography to make the stage more worthwhile. 

He understood why. It wasn’t often BTS accepted collaborations at award shows, especially not on their own home turf with the hateful scrutiny of the public and fans alike. As well as the notorious rule of not interacting with the other sex, besides professional greetings. 

The last run of the dry rehearsal started again while he was lost in his thoughts, and Taehyung snapped his focus back on the stage as the song started over with you kneeling on the floor, before snapping your thighs open and the BTS duo smoothly slid in on each side of you, grinding their bodies against you as you sang effortlessly into the mic taped against your cheek, returning their smoldering gazes. 

‘1, 2, 3, 4 You, I, Live, For 1, 2, 3, 4 Watch me, Burning, Screaming

Boy, cause you You got me layin’ low You got me layin’ low

My tears are running down Such a bad habit, boy’

Your solo dance break in the middle had actually been the strongest struggle of his yet to date. The way Taehyung had fought to not react more than a raise of his eyebrows, watching you rolling around on the floor, your ass in the air and sensual body rolls that sent his mind right into the gutter. 

Releasing a low groan that could be interpreted as exhaustion by those around him, Taehyung let out a long sigh, tongue poking the side of his cheek to showcase an air of nonchalance. The rehearsal was finishing up in a few minutes so with a casual stretch of his legs, he spoke to Hoseok. 

“Gonna run to the bathroom real quick.”

Hoseok stared at him with a long, knowing look, brow flicked up with a smirk. “Oh yeah? Your stomach must hurt real bad, huh?”

Knowing he was already busted, Taehyung played along. “Horrible actually, might take a while.”

Hoseok glanced casually to the side at the crew and staff getting ready to clean up and prepare for their own rehearsal before shaking his head. “You got twenty minutes.”

He knew if he was a minute late, the dance leader would kick his ass ten times over. 

Taehyung returned the smirk with a shrug while walking backward. “More than enough for me.”

+

“You did good.”

Snapping your head up from your mindless scrolling on your phone, Taehyung was standing in the doorway of your dressing room, hands lazily in the pockets of his dark forest green suit pants. Black curly hair strands framed his face, and looking outwardly handsome as he always did. 

You grinned proudly at the compliment. “Thank you, babe! Jeongguk and Jimin were crazy quick at picking up choreo, like-”

He walked inside leisurely, closing the door behind him. The sound of the lock clicking in place made your eyes glance in the direction of one of his hands behind his back.

“-not that I was even worried to begin with, it’s them after all,” you continued slowly, slightly tensing up at the flat look on his face and straightening up on the leather couch.  

“They looked great. You all did,” Taehyung agreed. 

Your brain was whirring in your head, not sure how to depict his current mood. At first, you thought he was angry - but taking a closer look it seemed more like a fleeting annoyance. 

Slightly fumbling with the half-folded blanket on your lap, you let your confusion show. “Is everything okay?”

His tongue swiped across his upper lip in what you assumed was a nervous action before he spoke, a voice deeper than you expected to hear. “No, I’m quite pissed off actually.”

Not having been a person to ever take bullshit from someone, especially not your own boyfriend with his unreasonable mood, you replied back with a flat voice. “I can see that. And you better have a damn good reason, especially because of the agreement we had before this.”

But rather than speaking, Taehyung suddenly stalked closer and dropped to his knees before you, causing your back to completely straighten as your eyes widened from anger to shock and trying to read him. 

Throwing the blanket aside, he parted your legs with his large hands and pressed closer before muttering. “I’d rather show you.”

Okay, so angry wasn’t the only thing he felt, you realized. 

With a surprising firmness he hadn’t used on you often, his hand wrapped around your throat from the front and yanked you into a bruising kiss that made your breath hitch. His tongue parted your lips impatiently, teeth clashing for a moment before caressing your own tongue as your eyes fluttered shut and a small sigh parted from you.

Your burning annoyance was always so easily extinguished and melting into the tingling want, your boyfriend was expertise in coaxing forward with a single touch of his tongue anywhere on your body. 

From splaying across your neck, the same hand went up underneath your jawline and forcefully pried you away from him as you stared back with a clouded gaze, still recovering from the aggressive kiss. His fresh breath fanned across your lips in what seemed like a teasing caress. 

“Tae…” the whisper from you came out breathless. You wanted to stop him because this was public. Even with the door locked, it wasn’t soundproof as you heard several muffled voices walking passed the door. But it was hard for you to breath, let alone speak at this point.

“Thought I wouldn’t mind, did you?” He muttered back, pressing an open-mouthed kiss against the column of your throat as your eyes fell back shut, swallowing back a hum. “Thought I’d play the perfect boyfriend while watching you grind against my friends in front of me, huh?”

A low whine escaped from his onslaught of sensual kisses against your skin, some firmer than others. 

A reprimanding hiss from between his breath accompanied by a gentle nip made you nearly stutter. “Answer me properly.”

“Yes,” you breathed out harshly. “Thought you were fine.”

“Hmm,” Taehyung hummed before you felt a smirk and goosebumps peppered your skin with his next words. “Then I’ll just have to remind you.”

Without a single pause, he straightened up and gripped your ankles, pulling you forward with surprising strength as the back of your head rested on the back of the couch, your bare legs over each of his shoulders and spread wide apart for his eyes. 

Dark brown eyes were taking in your stage outfit with a hungry expression. Licking his lips, he came closer, mouth forming a path up your inner thighs as your chest heaved in anticipation. Experienced hands popped open the buttons of your bodysuit, revealing the thin nude thong underneath already damp and darkening the fabric. 

“Always so quick to get wet for me,” Taehyung’s deep voice scratched against his throat in satisfaction.

Too impatient and short on time, his kisses finally reached their intended target, pressing firmly against your mound and over your underwear as his tongue came out, licking a stripe up your pussy. Not bothering with his usual favorite pastime of teasing and edging you - Taehyung began mouthing at the fabric covering your clit.

Your breaths turned positively erratic with the way you tried to keep your sounds down to a minimum and not alert anyone on the other side of the door. Your hands finally flew up to grip at his perfectly styled hair, pulling at the strands desperately as he continued his ministrations, your panties already soaked and ruined. 

Almost leisurely, he pulled the offending fabric aside and leaned forward to suck against your clit with a pleased hum as a high-pitched moan managed to tear from you, your spine tensing in slight fear from the volume. The pleasure pulsing through your lower body was making you sweat in anticipation. The sudden warning scrape of his teeth against your mound made your eyes flicker down to meet his own raised to watch you. 

“Let me hear you, princess,” he separated away from you long enough to utter those words before going straight back. 

“But Tae-” your words turned into a moan at the feeling of a finger pressing inside of you, easily finding your g-point with its familiarity and length. 

“That’s it, baby, let me hear who you belong to,” Taehyung praised, tongue moving in and flicking in synchronization with his fingers, your thighs tensing around his shoulders and head. 

With one finger holding the fabric of your panties to the side as the other continued slipping in and out, a second one following quickly making you twitch and stutter out a breath of his name. His fingers started pumping in and out almost vigorously, the obnoxious sound of your wetness being the loudest sound in the room as your breathing increased, gripping his hair even harder, nails digging into his scalp as Taehyung groaned at the sensation. 

"Fuck, you're dripping all over," he moaned, teeth scraping against your skin as his thumb returned to your clit with new fervor.

The added sensation made your moans louder, hips moving, intensifying the pleasure flaring up inside. His fingers dragging against your inner walls made it even harder to resist as you felt your resolve falling.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck."

You didn’t know who you were talking to, the words falling out in a breathless mutter as Taehyung continued to fuck you with his long fingers. You could feel it coming, body gradually losing control - mindlessly trying to chase that feeling of completion as he had to pin your hips down against his mouth, grabbing both of your asscheeks tightly to hold you still. 

His thumb rubbing at your clit oh so skillfully was making your mind hazy. Taehyung was feeling it too - the way your whole body was starting to tense. Thighs shaking as you begged him to finish it. His dick was so fucking hard while kneeling on the ground that he could almost come just from the motions of your continuing to rub up against his mouth. 

"Cum for me, princess."

There was that damned name again. The moment he uttered the sentence, you felt your orgasm wash over you, walls clenching the thread of control snapping as your body trembled and tried to muffle the cries by biting down on your lip. But Taehyung wouldn’t let her. He continued to draw out your pleasure, fingers slowing down and thumb circling slower. 

Your chest was heaving, trying to catch your breath with strands of hair plastered to the sweaty skin. 

His fingers slipped out as you watched him lift them up to his mouth, sucking the taste of you clean with a pleasing hum, as you stared intensely at the erotic sight. 

“Delicious,” he mumbled.

You genuinely thought he was done ravishing you, but as he stood up and started to undo the belt around his hips, the pounding of your clit flared up again in anticipation. 

“Come here, baby.”

With slightly stiff legs, you obeyed him and stood up. The tall heels still strapped to your feet gave you the extra advantage as you were only an inch away from being eye level with him. 

As your bodies brushed up against each other, Taehyung didn’t have to worry about your balance, well aware of the levels of your flexibility even in heels as he grabbed your right leg and wrapped it nice and tight around his hipbone. You leveraged yourself with your arms wrapped around his neck as he reached down to press the head of his freed cock against your hole. 

“Fuck, need you so bad,” he muttered almost in pain and followed with a relieved groan as he bottomed out with your breath stuttering along. 

You don’t know how you managed to stay firm in those stilettos heels as Taehyung began to fuck you in earnest, not holding back as your nails dug into his skin and his own hands kept you balanced by cupping your ass that would bruise later. 

Your thighs were burning in their position, but you had no fucks to give with the way you were losing your mind at his rough, shallow thrusts, meeting each of your low moans as your head fell forward into the nape of his shoulders, kissing and sucking the skin to keep your mouth occupied. 

Suddenly you were airborne, Taehyung having lifted you up as both of your legs wrapped his hips and found a new position as he pressed you against a free space of the wall, forcing your head up against and kissing you messily. 

You thought he was fucking you earlier? Now with the new leverage of the wall against your back, he was ready to demolish you. 

His hips and skin slapping against yours were making you dumb of any thoughts, the restrain of remaining silent gradually slipping away as your moans went from low to who-the-fuck-cares. 

Your face was morphed in constant pleasure as you were turning positively desperate. “Tae, Tae…please, need to cum!”

You knew your positions were in the same boat with the way he didn’t even bother to tease you any longer, only moaning himself as he nodded. “Shit, me too, baby, me too…cum for me alright. Be a good girl and cream yourself on my cock.”

One of his hands went to your clit, rubbing it as he continued to pound into you without mercy. And this time the thread didn’t simply snap, it splintered into pieces, your orgasm seemingly endless and spreading down to your toes and stomach as you stiffened, legs shaking as you whined. 

Taehyung followed quickly, as your cunt fluttered around his cock, groaning and moaning into your open mouth as his hips stuttered and slowed down. Minutes must have passed as both of you calmed down, when a light knock came on the door, startling you both and sending panic through your still-intertwined bodies. 

But then Jimin’s voice called out in obvious amusement. “You got five minutes to clean up, Kim Taehyung.”

“You told him!?”

“Of course not,” Taehyung grinned sheepishly. “But Hobi hyung probably did.”

“You should have worn a condom to avoid this mess,” you frowned in reply, glancing down before meeting his apologetic gaze. 

“Sorry, baby. I wasn’t really thinking straight.”

“Obviously,” was your dry, yet amused response as he finally put you down and you stumbled towards the makeup table and grabbed a pack of wet tissues. 

As you both finished cleaning up, you couldn’t help but shove him in slight annoyance. “The next time you feel like being jealous, tell me honestly, idiot.”

With an innocent smile, he pulled you into a snuggly hug, voice muffled against your neck. “But baby, I love our jealous, angry fucks.”

You couldn’t disagree as you grumbled. “At least give me a warning next time.”

Straightening back up, he pecked your still-swollen lips with sparkling eyes. “Deal.”

_______________

How’s that for a little comeback? lmao

[pandorasword]

Chaeri as the 8th and youngest member of BTS.

CHAERI'S MASTERLIST

ꕥ Stage name: CHAERI

ꕥ Birth name: Kang Chaeri

ꕥ Hangul: 채리

ꕥ Meaning: Cherry

ꕥ Nicknames: Chérie

ꕥ Birthdate: December 17, 1998

ꕥ Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius. Instead, according to the Korean/Chinese horoscope she was born under the sign of the Tiger

ꕥ Birthplace: Jeju-Do

ꕥ Places where she lived: Jeju-Do; Paris

ꕥ Ethnicity: Korean

ꕥ Languages: Fluent in Korean and French. Currently learning English and Japanese at a higher level than school level

ꕥ Height: 163cm - 5’4 feet

ꕥ Weight: 45kg 

ꕥ Blood type: AB Negative

ꕥ Education: Home-schooled

ꕥ Position: Main dancer, Lead vocalist, Maknae

ꕥ Debut: June 13, 2013

ꕥ Debut age: 14 1/2 years old | 15 1/2 years old in Korean age

ꕥ Trainee period: Almost 1 year

ꕥ Instagram: bts.bighitofficial (official) | chaeri (individual)

ꕥ Twitter: bts_twt (official)

ꕥ YouTube: BANGTANTV

ꕥ Relationship status: Taken 

ꕥ Family members: Kang Dal (Brother) 달 Kim Eun (Mother) 은 Kang Si-u (Father) 시우

ꕥ Close friends (outside the company): Yeri (Red Velvet) Soojin ( (G)I-DLE ) Mingyu, The8 and Vernon (SEVENTEEN) Chan ( A.C.E. )

ꕥ MBTI: ENFJ-T; Turbulent Protagonist

ꕥ Personality:

◌ Sensitive to the problems of others;

◌ Not comfortable dealing with emotions and stress. This help tho to empathize more deeply with others who are having trouble dealing with similar things;

◌ Charismatic and natural leader;

◌ Likely to ask for an opinion but unlikely to change their minds;

◌ Hothead;

◌ Outgoing and friendly;

◌ Rebellious;

ꕥ Known for: 

Being the only girl in a group that was supposed to have only boys;

Daughter of a former Prima Ballerina of the Paris Ballet;

Being best friends with Red Velvet’s Yuri;

Being able to dance any style;

Being overly spoilt by her bangtans’ brothers;

Taking pics everywhere she goes;

Becoming a trainee and debuting within a year;

Loving wine, like a lot (and sparkling cocktails too);

Being the first member of BTS to officially announce to be in a relationship;

Being one of the idols who changes the most outfits during a single show;

Being the other half of V (platonic);

Being the enthusiastic caretaker of the group;

Being very flexible;

Being among the best idol dancers of her generation;

Being one of the most influential women representing South Korea;

Creating her own fashion brand as a solo business. It's labeled ‘JEONG'.

Fans freaked out by the coincidence that the brand name and Jeon Jungkook's name are almost the same, but in fact most Armys seems to not to believe in coincidences. The word 'Jeong', which is untranslatable in other languages, can, however, be traced back to the Korean word for 'connection'. It is an emotional and psychological bond. It should be pointed out that it is not us who experience 'Jeong' but it is the ‘Jeong’ that makes us connected to another person, to an animal, to a place. Her brand logo ↓

ꕥ Facts:

◌ She was named Chaeri because during the pregnancy her mother was always craving cherries

◌ According to BTS managers, Chaeri is good at negotiating and making counterproposals to reach a meeting point between the request (of the managers) and the solution (what she would like to do instead)

◌ She studied ballet (and other dance styles in the background) from the age of 3 until she was 13, international age. Being the daughter of a prima ballerina, her mother expected a bright future from her in that.

◌ Her parents separated shortly after her birth. Her mother could not bear the fact that her husband's plans to start a world-famous restaurant chain had gone up in smoke. So she left with her two children for Europe, Paris, to make them study ballet professionally and settle there full-time.

◌ In an interview, Chaeri explains how she found herself having to ask the hyung line, rather than her parents, for permission to do or not do certain things during her teenage years. When asked who among them was most likely to let her do what she wanted, her answer was J-Hope

◌ She left Paris at the age of 13 to live again with her father in Jeju-do, deciding to leave ballet for good and devote herself to dance styles that more reflected her wishes. She doesn't like to talk about the real reasons why she left Europe

◌ Her fashion brand, JEONG, is based solely on the creation of couples' clothing and matching outfits

◌ She has a high level of stamina as long as she is in the middle of something, when she stops she suddenly feels fatigue crushing her

◌ During the first months of living with the BTS members, the thought of having to sleep in a single room with seven men made her completely uncomfortable, yet she feared hurting their feelings by expressing this concern since everyone had been kind and helpful to her from the start. That is why, for months, she would let them all fall asleep before leaving the room and positioning herself on a folding chair in the small, messy living room. One night, after a while, she found herself simply falling asleep in her bed before the others did, and the next morning, she finally realized that she felt safe surrounded by those boys and that sleeping with them would not turn out to be so bad.

◌ Her brother, Dal, is three years older than her. Their relationship is troubled as he is still on good terms with their mother and she is not.

◌ She has known Chan, a member of the group A.C.E., since before they both debuted

◌ She was home-schooled by a tutor in both France and Korea during her teenage years. When both of her parents agreed to sign their daughter's contract with Big Hit, as she was a minor, her mother made it clear to the company that she wanted her daughter to continue home-schooling or she would not have accepted the agreement. Therefore, unlike Jungkook, she did not attend SOPA or any other art schools. In several videos, Chaeri can be seen, at the oddest moments, alongside a man with a censored face intent on studying or transcribing something. The name of the Korean tutor has never been revealed

◌ During her periods of rebellion she always justified herself by saying that since she was home-schooled, those were her only opportunities to be unreasonable and that they should have dealt with that

◌ She is completely comfortable with her feminine vibes

◌ As soon as she became adult enough, she made it very clear to the company that she wanted to abandon that uniquely soft image they were propagating of her and begin to define her identity as a Woman

◌ She is in a relationship with Ateez’s captain, Hongjoong. Although she feels great affection towards him, she is sure that if her first love was not a forbidden love, nothing would have ever clicked between them. In a private conversation, when asked by Taehyung if that was the kind of love she was looking for, she replied that 'he calms her mind’. The couple is much loved by fans and tabloids

◌ Her father is her number one fan

ꕥ Hobbies: ◌ Aerial yoga ◌ Snowboarding ◌ Designing clothes for her brand, she enjoys it so much that she won't call it a duty ◌ Any reckless sport

ꕥ Her top 5 songs: ♪ Obsessed - Mariah Carey ♪ Tous les Mêmes - Stromae  ♪ Gotta go - Chung Ha ♪ Moth to a flame - The Weeknd ♪ Love shot - EXO

ꕥ Face claim: mostly @/kkmmmkk on IG + other female idols when needed

[grievingforthelivin]

A Breeze Blows, and My Heart Swells

Chapters: 2/2 Words: 35k+

Rating: T Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Kim Taehyung | V/Min Yoongi | Suga

Genre and Tags: Alternate Universe - Idols, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Depression, Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Slow Burn, Light Angst, Drinking, Explicit Language, Less Angsty Than it Sounds, Taehyung is NOT an idol, Jimin is NOT an idol

Former Idol Min Yoongi is struggling to write his next album. He knows he'll never live up to the success of his first solo outing, and the pressure is getting to him. After a series of minor scandals, his manager and best friend Jimin ships him off to Harmony Retreat, an ecotourism resort deep in the Daegu countryside. With electronics strictly forbidden and no company but a rooster, a dog, and his eccentric host Kim Taehyung, Yoongi's not sure how he's going to get through this -- let alone write a hit song.

This is the bestttt! Fluffy with just enough angst that makes the relationship relatable but doesn’t keep you up at night crying. Pretty slow burn and if you are looking for smut, this ain’t it. But if you are someone who thinks kissing can be sexier than porn, with the right chemistry, this one is pretty good at that. *sigh* I wish this had a second part.

[idolverse-official]

I've seen many ppl mistake Idolverse as bands n stuff and call them bandmates, which is not true at all😭

To clarify, these are IDOL GROUPS and we call them MEMBERS, not bandmates ;v;

Idols main duties are to sing, dance and posibly produce music if they're interested. These guys mostly made music by themselves with little to no help from other music producers so that's why they still use instruments in performances despite it being unnecessary.

It's understandable for many ppl to mistook them as bands but now I hope this post gives you more clarity ^v^ ty for reading!!!

[zucchiyeni]

Updates+ announcements:

Idolverse will be continued in summer as well as other ongoing projects.

The comic is not guaranteed to be out anytime soon yet since it's a bit of a lore mess rn but I'm trying my best ;v;

Since I'm currently have a lot in hand(mostly schoolwork and irl stuff), it's really hard to remain productive on social media ;^; pls pardon my absence.

I assume the summer break(in my school) is expected to occur around late May sooooo till then, pls be patient and bear my inactiveness🥲

Dust and Kills in groom outfit ideas ⬇️

Have I posted this?

[hyunjinspark]

star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 15

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him.

there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned.

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au (kind of), star-crossed lovers

warnings: cursing, mature content, fancy drinking, mutual pining, sexual tension, so much angst, kissing, making out, dirty talk, fingering, grinding, dry humping, dom!hyunjin, jealousy, more angst

word count: 35K (ik the wc makes it feel v long but it’s really not that much haha)

a/n: im so excited to be coming back with this huge of a chapter for you guys. so much goes down and im insanely excited to share this next phase of my story with you. its v long so pls get comfortable with a blanket and snacks. I would recommend rereading the last chapter, if you can! thank you for still being here.

i recommend that you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

He had fucked up. Even in the dimly lit drive-in theatre, the guilt on his face was evident. Hyunjin had never looked this devastated.

“I need to talk to you” 

That’s what he had said. The gnawing feeling in your gut got worse. Those words together, in that order, was never a good sign. You knew as much, and you knew whatever he had to tell you was going to be something bad.

“Why did you leave in the middle of the film?” You asked, gaze darting between him and your friends.

Yuqi was staring wide-eyed, watching this unfold, soda cup clutched in her hands, and Felix…he looked beyond irritated.

The movie could still be heard all the way over here. You weren’t too far from the projection screen, and the speakers were right next to you. It was a horrible place to be having this conversation, but you couldn’t wait. 

What was he holding back?

You’d always felt the safest around Hyunjin, but every breath between you right now was uncertain. He was fidgeting, sliding the silver ring off and on his finger.

“I was on my way back to you when—” Hyunjin paused, and the veins in his neck were prominent as he strained to be heard over the movie, “—when Felix found me. He wanted to talk”

“Is Jisung okay?” You blurted, the first thing that came to your mind. He was nervous as hell, and that freaked you out.

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “No, he’s okay”

“Look. Y/N—“ Felix started, stepping ahead.

“Can I please just talk to Y/N…alone?” Hyunjin interrupted, turning to your friends. His frustration was new to you.

“Of course. Now you wanna talk to her” Felix scoffed, and your gaze drifted to him. You felt so out of the loop and everything was far too dramatic.

A laugh escaped you at the absurdity of this situation, “What is going on? You guys are acting like the world’s fucking ending or something”

“I’m sure it’s not that serious” Yuqi piped in, as a way to comfort you, and Felix glanced at her in disdain.

Hyunjin seemed to be physically struggling between appeasing you and Felix, but he focused his gaze on you.

“It’s not” He reaffirmed, pausing to breathe, “Obviously. It’s not… that serious”

“You sure?” Felix mumbled, taunting the situation, and you’d never known Felix to be the one to poke a bear with a stick. 

His presence only added to your confusion and annoyance. 

What was he doing here? 

Hadn’t he just told you he couldn’t be friends with you anymore? Or whatever the hell he was going to say before you were interrupted?

You glanced at him, and the anger from your previous unresolved conversation surged back, “Lix. Can you just give us a moment alone, please?”

His eyes locked with yours in silent agreement, “Yeah. Sure. Whatever you want, Y/N”

“Yeonjun’s gonna be worried as hell about us” Yuqi spoke in a harsh whisper, grabbing him lightly by the forearm to lead him away, and even though you were embarrassed to have an audience, you were glad she was here.

You’d dragged everyone to the drive-in theatre tonight for the Jaws screening because it had seemed, at the moment, like a good idea. It was supposed to be one of the things on your bucket list. The list Hyunjin and you had made together.

A list of things to make you fall in love with your little town again, and you were only doing all of this because Hyunjin insisted. A silly excuse to be by his side, but it had worked. You’d seen the film they were playing tonight a dozen times, so yeah, you were only doing this so you could spend more time with him. 

Right now though, it didn’t seem like the greatest idea, and more like the culmination of a really bad plan. 

A confrontation you didn’t want. 

Knowing Hyunjin, he hated confrontations too. 

So, there must be a really fucking good reason why he was arguing with your best friend just now.

Felix mumbled something as they walked away, too quiet for you to catch amongst the sounds of the film. 

A cold breeze picked up.

The blinking yellow sign above you was malfunctioning, a buzzing sound escaping it, distracting you momentarily until Hyunjin’s face came into focus again.

He was so apprehensive, a concerned frown on his face. Guilty was not a good look on him.

You swallowed your anxieties, raising your voice louder, “Can you just please tell me what’s going on? You’re kind of freaking me out here”

“Nothing is going on like that, I promise. It’s just…Yongbok found something out and freaked out about it. He was upset at me but—”

“What did he find out?” You were impatient.

Hyunjin squeezed his eyes shut, and sighed, “He saw me earlier…at the station”

It took you a second to put two and two together.

“The train station…? What were you doing there?”

His eyes darted around the driveway, realising that this was probably the worst place to be having any kind of conversation. The noise of the horror film had drowned the two of you out.

“Can we go somewhere else? Where it’s quieter, please?” 

You didn’t think you had the patience. Your stomach turned every second that he didn’t tell you what was wrong. 

“Please?” He asked again, “I’ll tell you everything. I just want to get away from here”

What was so complex that he couldn’t just say it now?

It felt like a break-up except you and him weren’t even fucking dating.

Your gaze flickered over his face, frown lines on his forehead that didn’t suit him, and it was only now that you noticed the bags under his eyes. He hadn’t slept last night. He was too young to be so worried.

“Yeah, of course”

There was relief on his face at your agreement, shoulders relaxing, and he looked around.

The theater was in the middle of fucking nowhere.

Where would you even go?

Worry returned to his face, and you sighed, “There’s a loading dock, like a few minutes from here. It’ll be quieter there”

He nodded, following closely behind you as you led the way. 

You focused on the sound of your footsteps in the dirt to not completely freak out.

“Is everything with Chan fine?” You ended up asking.

“Yeah, he’s fine too” He fell quiet again, “I’m sorry you’re missing the movie because of me”

The noises got muffled as you moved further away.

“I really don’t care” You told him, “I’ve seen it before”

“Oh, okay”

You stopped at a chain-link fence, leading to a loading dock for various trucks and vans. It was dead right now, but it'd be brimming with life in the early hours of the day. 

“This is quiet enough”

This was also as far as your patience could go.

Hyunjin nodded, leaning his weight against the fence, running a hand through his hair, “I guess”

Another round of screams from the audience echoed through the area, and you shrugged, “Guess not”

He didn’t seem amused though, “They’re so loud”

“It is the best part of the movie” You told him, “They finally defeat the shark”

Hyunjin nodded, as if he’d forgotten what the movie Jaws was even about, “Right”

He looked like a wounded animal, afraid you’d get mad at him, but you didn’t even understand what you should be mad about. 

His hand peeked out from under his button-up sleeve. You reached forward, not thinking before slipping your fingers between his.

The gesture surprised him, and he glanced up at you with big eyes. He squeezed your hand, finding comfort in it.

“I was buying a ticket back”

You frowned, asking a question you already knew the answer to, “Back to?”

His breaths were shallow, in uneven intervals and his shoulders rose and fell with each anxious inhale and exhale. 

“Seoul” He clarified, biting his bottom lip. 

“Oh. Isn’t…it too early?” 

His gaze fell, eyes avoiding yours, “I was trying to tell you earlier, but I didn’t get the chance”

“Tell me now” You tilt his head up, fingers under his chin so he could look right at you.

He took in another deep breath, eyes staring into yours, “I…have to leave, Y/N. I have to move back to the city”

The words didn’t shock you.

That’s it?

You knew he had to leave. 

A weight lift off your chest at the familiarity of his confession, and you could breathe again, “Yeah. I…know that, Hyunjin”

His eyes widened, “You do?”

Your fingers settled on his jaw, to calm him, “I mean, I know that you can’t stay here forever. You were only here for the summer anyway”

Relief swirled his eyes at your calmness, “Um…yeah”

It felt anticlimactic. This was why he was so nervous, why Felix was so mad, why they were fighting?

You two stood so close, hand-in-hand, and this didn’t even seem like a big deal. Hyunjin wasn’t going to be holed up in this small town forever. Everybody knew it would always be temporary, so what was the drama for?

A breeze blew Hyunjin’s hair in his face, and you tucked the chestnut strands behind his ear, “Would you have to start packing soon?”

With that question, Hyunjin’s eyebrows furrowed again, “I already packed, Y/N”

“Already?” You laughed, there was a whole month left but he was already preparing, “You should’ve told me…I could’ve helped you.”

He frowned, and suddenly your name on his lips felt bitter, “Y/N…” 

Like it took effort to say, and like it broke his heart.

It felt like an apology, but you didn’t know what for.

You squeezed his hand, to let him know he had nothing to be sorry for, “Tell me…”

“No, you don’t understand. I’m — I’m not staying for the rest of the summer anymore”

Your heart squeezed, and suddenly you realised why he was so anxious. 

You needed confirmation, “You’re not?”

“I need to leave” He let out a breath, “Tonight.”

The words hit you like a punch to your gut.

Hyunjin explained further, to make sure you understood, but your head was already spinning, “My train leaves for Seoul… in a few hours” 

Your grip on his hand dropped, and you stopped touching him.

He stared at you for what felt like forever, eyes flickering between yours, “I’m sorry”

He’s sorry?

You had trouble speaking the words, “What? Tonight?”

His eyes were wide at your reaction, and at your tone. He thought you didn’t believe him.

And you didn’t.

Tonight was so soon, and in a few hours was fucking insane.

As you processed his words, the silence stretched for seconds, excruciatingly long.

He felt a stupid need to fill in the void, “My manager’s coming to pick me up. He doesn’t want me to make the journey back alone. He’s worried about a crowd at the station, in case the information leaked—”

Hyunjin kept talking, and explaining, but you’d stopped listening.

What the fuck was he even saying?

All of these technicalities.

You couldn’t even still process what he’d told you.

Yeah, you knew he had to leave but you didn’t think it’d be tonight. 

You didn’t think it’d be right now.

You weren’t prepared.

Each word he spoke was a lightning bolt to your heart, ripping chasms open in the perfect day you’d just had. 

It couldn’t be. You had so much planned with him. You hadn’t even gotten to the good part yet.

The sky lit up in bright white, blinding you.

You hadn’t even told him that you loved him...

The wind picked up, dust blowing into your eyes but you didn’t care. The lightning wasn’t just within you. There was a storm coming.

Hyunjin glanced up at the sky; dark clouds suddenly looming over you, but that was the least of your worries. 

“We should get inside” He realised, reaching for your hand, but you stepped away from him, pulling your hand out of reach.

His eyes were wide at the rejection.

“I’m sorry. You said that you’re leaving in a few hours?” You asked again, hoping this was just a horrible fucking joke, and you heard him wrong.

But he fucking nodded, not saying anything. 

Your stomach was beginning to hurt, a shooting pain through your body, and you felt dizzy.

Bile rose up to your throat at the suddenness of everything, “I don’t understand. You said you didn’t have to go back, not until the end of summer and—”

“I know” He interrupted, “I know that’s what I said, but things changed. The company needs me back, I don’t have much of a choice”

“But what about Kkami…and about the art classes?” Stupid questions, when all you wanted to ask was something else. 

“I canceled the classes yesterday, and Minho said he’ll look after Kkami until my aunt comes back to town”

Of course.

“Oh”

Of course he’d figured everything out. A man as precise as Hyunjin, of course he’d already solved for all the problems you couldn’t even foresee.

But what about you?

Your gaze fell from his, heart falling deep into your gut and maybe that explained the pain in you. You didn’t even know what to say. It was so much information, to process all at once, and pathetically, you mumbled, “I thought I’d have more time with you”

“I know, Y/N. I...thought so too” His voice was too soft, too calm, “But I’m sorry that we don’t”

Was he not affected by this? Why was he so calm?

In a few hours, he would be more than a hundred miles away from you.

That wasn’t okay.

But he seemed perfectly fine right now.

How long had he known this?

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you before” He swallowed, and stepped closer. His hands glided up your arms, coming to rest at your shoulders. He squeezed the skin there, and maybe he thought it was comforting, but it just felt suffocating.

Your chest was pounding so hard you could hear your heartbeat in your ears.

You were still confused, so many questions in your head, “But that doesn’t explain why Felix was fighting with you”

Hyunjin sighed, “He…he thought that I wasn’t going to tell you”

There it was.

Your eyes narrowed, darting up to his, a new fear sinking into you, something you hadn’t even considered, “Wait. Were you not?”

His eyes widened, but his voice gave him away, “No. I was going to—”

You took another step back, and he dropped his hands from you.

“You weren’t even going to say goodbye, Hyunjin?”

He hesitated before speaking, “I was”

“When?”

“What?”

“When were you going to tell me? If you’ve already bought a ticket. You’ve already cancelled the classes. You’ve…packed everything. You’ve already given Kkami away. So, when…were you going to tell me?”

He squeezed his eyes shut.

And it was enough.

“You’re fucking kidding me”

“Let me explain, please--”

Another flash lit up the sky.

Thunder ripped through the atmosphere, and the sound startled you both, making you look up.

It wasn’t raining, not yet, but it would soon.

Immediately, you heard scrambling over at the drive-in theatre. All of the people would be exposed to the rain, and now they’d have to pack it up, and leave.

How fitting for a storm to pass through right fucking now.

You looked back at him, because this wasn’t like him.

The Hyunjin you’d come to know…would never blindside you like this.

You stepped further away, your sneakers tripping over the dirt and Hyunjin reached out to steady you, but you ripped your arm back, “You were just going to leave”

“I tried telling you yesterday, in the forest! You were the first person I was going to tell” Hyunjin exclaimed, eyes wide in what you could only recognise as despair.

In the forest, when you’d taken him to see the fireflies. Hyunjin had said he wanted to tell you something. He was trying to tell you this?

Sourness developed in your mouth, “What? Yesterday?”

“But you stopped me. You kissed me, and you said you didn’t want to know”

Your sadness was suddenly replaced by embarrassment, and bitterness.

“So…it’s my fault?”

“What? Of course not. That’s not what I’m saying”

Your emotions were toppling over, and you couldn’t manoeuvre them anymore.

You felt a surge of hopelessness, because he didn’t understand how important this was to you.

How important he was.

“If it was so important, you should have told me anyway! I obviously would have understood, and stopped kissing you. I’m not that dense, or …needy”

Hyunjin’s eyes were wide, like he couldn’t believe you.

“I know that you’re not. Of course, you’re not” He repeated, stepping towards you, “I knew how upset it would make you, and I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t want to ruin the time we had left”

There was no justifiable reason for you to be this sad. He was only going to be a few hours away from here, but you’d dreaded the day he’d leave ever since you met him.

His life in the city was a whirlwind, and he didn’t have time for anything.

How would you ever stay in his life, or keep him in yours?

Your voice was shaky, “I’m not upset at you, Hyunjin”

“Really? Because it looks like you hate me right now” He laughed.

You sighed, looking him in the eye, “Of course not”

“I just don’t understand why I’m the last to know. You said that your manager is coming to pick you up…and you’re worried the information would leak. So does everybody know you’re coming back or something?”

He nodded slightly, as if his answer would hurt you, “The media knows. There’s going to be a crowd at the station, in the city when I get back”

So if you waited a few more hours…the morning papers would have told you anyway.

The thought almost made you want to laugh, or cry.

“We were having such a good time, at the Creek, and…I didn’t want to kill the mood, obviously I was right, because you’re so upset right now”

“Right. I’m sorry for being upset that you’re leaving Hyunjin”

He pulled you towards him, “Stop, please. This is…not how I wanted tonight to go”

“Then how did you want it to go?”

“I wanted to…stay up with you, and talk to you, and listen to you...until I can”

It sounded tempting. You’d do anything to have that.

But he was leaving tonight.

“Do you know when you’ll come back?”

“What?”

“To Daejon. Do you know when you’ll come back?”

He hesitated, “I don’t know. A couple of years, maybe then…”

“So after tonight…you have no idea when we’ll see each other again?”

“Yeah, but…you can visit me in Seoul, right?” He asked, a hopeful lilt to his tone.

Your head was still spinning, “Were you going to stay in touch with me?”

“Yeah. I was going to give you my new number—”

“Your new number?” You were confused.

“I have to change it…every few months. For safety”

Another lightning flash lit up his face, and then the first drops of rain followed. They wet your hair, dripping down your face, masquerading as tears.

“Yeonjun would be wondering where I am”

“What?” Hyunjin asked, but you needed to fixate on something else or you’d go insane.

“I have to tell him” You mumbled, more to yourself, reaching for your phone in your back pocket, but you’d left it back in the truck. A frustrated groan escaped you.

“I can tell him” Hyunjin spoke, immediately, pulling his phone out to text him. You watched as he did so. The bright phone lit up his face, as he typed in a text, but from here, you could see his fingers trembling.

The vendors were rushing to close all the food shops before the rain came in. The sound of people scrambling with their blankets and snacks to get inside. Car doors being shut, and engines being started.

“Please just let me explain, so you can understand what’s going on in my head”

You needed to calm down. This was always going to happen, and you shouldn’t be surprised. You shouldn’t be heartbroken and so fucking weak. 

You nodded, “Go ahead”

He grabbed your hand in urgency but you didn’t stop him, “I knew how upset it would make you, and I’m so fucking sorry. I knew the moment that I told you, it would be real, and is it crazy if I wanted the summer to last longer? I was being selfish and I wasn’t thinking”

You took a deep breath, his words calming you down by the second, “It’s not selfish. I..I’m sorry. I just thought you were hiding it from me, and…I got upset. How long have you known?”

“Barely two days” He admitted, and then, “That’s kind of why I was rushing through your list”

A laugh escaped you, at the lost innocence of that sentence, “What? My list is not… important, Hyunjin”

He frowned, “It was to me…”

The cold water draped over your forehead, dripping down your eyes, tracing your nose, falling into your mouth. You should be sane, and walk out of this storm before you both fell sick. Hyunjin was just watching you, and you think his heart was broken too. For a reason different to yours.

“A few hours…” You realised, and you were already losing time.

He squeezed your hand, “If you would let me, I’d like to spend them with you”

The rain intensified, transforming into a downpour, drowning out the last of his sentence. Everybody must have left the drive-in theater by now and that meant it was just you and him in the middle of this summer storm.

You felt like a broken record, “I wish I knew”

“Why?” He bent down to your height, voice softening, “It…wouldn’t have changed anything”

You took in a deep breath. He was right.

It wouldn’t have changed anything.

His eyes were exploring yours, apologetic, and you could understand what went on in his head. If you could spare Hyunjin the pain of something sad, you would have done the same.

He was getting drenched in the storm, and you’d feel guilty if he fell sick because of you, “Are you okay?” He asked you.

You suddenly felt numb. 

Why shouldn’t you be okay?

“I’ll only be a few hours away from you” He reassured you, and then chuckled softly, “It’s not like I’m moving to another country”

A loud honk pulled you out of the conversation.

Yuqi’s truck was to the side, parked on the dirt road, and Yeonjun was poking his head out of the window, “What the hell are you two still doing out there?”

You looked back at Hyunjin, swallowing, “We should go”

“Come on” He spoke, guiding you towards the car with his hand on your back. You rushed inside, arms around yourself to be warm. He went around the back, getting in through the other side, and he was completely soaked, hair dripping, “Sorry for getting your seats wet, Yuqi”

She told him it was fine, and Yeonjun turned round to ask, “Am I taking you straight home then, Y/N?”

Yuqi gave you a sympathetic look in the rearview mirror. Felix must have told her what the argument had been about.

You glanced at Hyunjin. He thought you were angry at him. Well, you were a bit. But never enough to ignore him like this. This was his last night here. Everything felt so sudden, and rushed, and you weren’t sure you’d even understood it, but you had be mature about this.

“No, I’m…not going home” You told Yeonjun.

Hyunjin raised his eyebrows, as if to ask if you were sure.

He was crazy if he thought you’d let him go without even saying goodbye.

“Can I come to your place?”

He nodded, in a single breath answering, “Of course”

Every second spent arguing over this was one less second with him. Yeonjun drove away from the loading dock, and time was slipping away and you glanced at Hyunjin. He was looking out at the town as it passed by, and he looked so fucking lost…or nostalgic.

Daejon passed by in a blur, as you drove to his house.

It would be selfish of you to think you were the only one affected by this. He was the one who would have to go back the life he’d left behind.

You drove past Aera’s, and Hyunjin’s gaze lingered on it, long after you’d already passed it. The car ride was quiet, other than the music Yuqi was playing, but you’d tuned it out.

Hyunjin’s eyebrows were furrowed as he watched the blur of trees and homes and places you’d come to spend all of your time in this summer. It was like he was trying to take everything in but Yeonjun drove faster than his memories could catch up.

His hand was on his thigh, fingers trembling still, and you don’t know if it was from the cold or if he was scared. 

Your heart squeezed in your chest. 

You reached over without thinking, hand settling over his, and immediately, he was calm.

»»————-

Hyunjin’s room was ripped bare. 

The art had been taken off the walls, the paint canisters had been stashed out of sight, the mattress was naked of the blue sheets and comforter you’d grown to love.

Cardboard boxes lay under his window, taped up and sealed shut.

His art wasn’t decorating the room anymore, instead it lay packed under layers of bubble wrap and paper.

It was strange, because you’d only been here a few times, enough to count on one hand, but it felt like a loss. Empty rooms always made you sad. It signified the end of something.

Yeonjun’s room had stayed empty, and even when he visited home, he’d live out of his suitcase. After all, nobody took the time to hang back picture frames on the walls. 

Your gut tinged with sadness.

Hyunjin stood at the other side of the room, arms crossed, emanating a calm silence.

Your eyes met his, a strange resignation within them. You hugged yourself, arms coming round your body in a comforting embrace. 

The room was far too barren for your liking, but compared to outside, at least it was warm here.

With difficulty you found the words, “How does it feel? To see your room like this?”

He cleared his throat, and his hair was still wet, chestnut strands sticking to his skin, “Honestly?”

“Yeah”

“I don’t feel anything”

Maybe that was the saddest answer you could hear. 

Your indignant look made him clarify further.

His Adam’s apple bobbed before he spoke, “I…I know that’s weird. I thought I’d be sad, but I don’t really feel anything”  

“I get that” You nodded, leaning against the wall, movements mirroring his. 

“You do?” He tilt his head, fiddling with the pendant around his neck.

You did get him, but you can’t seem to elaborate.

After all, you’ve never had to deal with anything of this nature. 

You’ve lived in the same place your whole life. The same room. The same bed. The same view from your window every morning and night.

How could you know what goodbyes felt like?

“I thought I’d be sadder” He continues upon your silence, “I just don’t feel much of anything, and that makes me…feel sad. Shouldn’t I be just a little upset?”

“Maybe you haven’t processed it yet?” You offered.

He shook his head, frown lines on his forehead, “It’s not that”

You couldn’t comprehend what he felt, and all you could do was guess, “Maybe it’s too soon” 

His eyebrows shot up, as if he realised something utterly significant about himself. Yet he didn’t share it with you. He slipped his hands deeper into his pockets, adjusting his posture against the wall.

A black suitcase stood between you, and you wonder what he’d put in it. What was he taking with him? It was strange to imagine that his entire summer here had fit into just those four cardboard boxes. There must have been things he discarded, or gave away.

What did he leave behind?

“So…how will you take all this stuff back?” You asked, gesturing over to the boxes.

“I’m not. I’m just taking my luggage with me” He explained, “I just packed everything else so it’d be easier for my aunt to take care of the house when I’m gone”

When he’s gone.

“That’s thoughtful of you” You smiled, gazing at the other boxes pushed under his bed, “What about your art supplies? Are you taking them too?”

He shook his head, chuckling nervously, “No, I had no space in my bag”

Your eyebrows shot up, “How are you going to paint when you’re in the city then?”

“I doubt I’ll have time at first” He admit.

Your heart clenched. Another loss.

“But…when I do, I’ll just get new supplies” He continued, so simply.

Your eyes narrowed, “Hwang Hyunjin… do you have any idea how expensive art supplies are?”

A hint of a smile appeared on his face, “I know, but I have no choice. There’s an art shop in Hongdae. I’ve passed it a hundred times. I think I’ll finally visit it”

“You’re going to forget all about Aera’s then” You frowned.

He hummed, smiling at you, “I could never”

You smiled, and a comfortable silence fell upon you.

He moved across his room to sit against the desk, “I am kind of sad about putting away all my art though. They’re just going to collect dust forever”

“Maybe you can put them back up when you come back” You suggested.

He nodded, “Right. When I’m back.”

He traced a hand against his empty desk. Just a few days ago, it was full of clutter, flower vases, and pretty candles, and pencils of different sizes. The first night he’d come to Aera’s he’d bought a little canvas and a single pencil from you.

That was so long ago, and you smiled to yourself at the memory.

“You’re really not going to miss home, and your room?” 

“I have something of yours” He interrupted, ignoring your questions entirely.

“Oh…okay” Is all you can seem to muster.

He pulled open the drawers, and you move towards him. He’d cleared out everything from within them too. Including all his paint supplies, his knick-knacks, the hair ties… and that box of condoms you saw once…

Was he leaving that behind?

Or had he packed that too?

Maybe it’d be useful to him in the city.

The thought made you choke up, and you turned away, giving him space to look for whatever he was looking for. 

He finally pulled open the last drawer, and spoke, “I found it when cleaning, and uh, I don’t know how but I forgot to return it,”

You stepped forward to take a glimpse, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with him.

“My sketchbook!” You realised, recognising the torn-up leather cover. 

Pulling it out, you flipped it open, seeing the sketches you made on countless train journeys, “Honestly…I didn’t even know you have this”

Hyunjin laughed, and your gaze darted to his.

It was the first he’d laughed like this since he’d told you he was leaving.

“I promise I didn’t steal it or anything” He admitted, “You never took it back after Felix’s birthday”

“That was ages ago. I guess I have far too many sketchbooks to keep count” You hummed, flipping further through the book, seeing the drawings Hyunjin had filled it with on the journey, when you’d given it to him. You felt him move closer to you, body stopping right behind yours.

You traced your fingers against the ink, trying not to get distracted by his breathing on your neck, “The beach cabin. You drew it”

Hyunjin nodded, looking over your shoulder at the picture, “I did. That was…a good night”

You craned your neck to look at him, a laugh escaping, “Really? I felt kind of bad for dragging you along for that whole trip. Ended up being pretty shitty”

He smiled, eyes flickering over you, “Not all of it”

You flipped to another page, but Hyunjin’s hand reached out to stop you. You looked at him questioningly.

“Uh…you can go through that later. We don’t have much time”

You nodded, keeping it aside. He walked over, sitting on the mattress, and stared out through the window. It was still raining fiercely, a thunderstorm raging outside.

 “If it wasn’t raining, we could have gone stargazing” He realised.

The disappointed in his tone pulled at your heartstrings, “Maybe it’ll pass soon”

He shook his head, “No, I checked — It’s going to be cloudy till noon tomorrow. I’ll already be gone by then”

“Oh”

It was hard to put his words into comprehension. 

He was really going to be gone. 

You’d gotten so used to seeing him all the time, everywhere. He would show up at your job, and he would go around town with you, and a part of you felt like he’d always be here to do that.

After a while, he sighed, “I guess I was looking forward to doing something cool with you…before I have to leave”

You stared at the rain, the droplets trailing down his windowsill, racing to the bottom, “This could be nice too. It hasn’t rained like this in months”

He nodded in silent agreement, and you watched the downpour, quietly, stealing glances at him. There was a sense of awkwardness and emptiness in the air. 

He wasn’t being honest with you about everything, but you didn’t want to push. It felt like he was holding back yet again, and you wish he’d just tell you everything on his mind.

Flashes of lightning lit up his face every few minutes, and he looked out at the dark garden like it held all the answers to life, and the universe. 

“Hyunjin…” You spoke.

He glanced at you, and his eyes looked sad. 

You were counting down the fleeting moments left with him. Was he too?

It broke your heart. Why was he so quiet when you only had a few hours together?

You couldn’t push him, but each second mattered.

So you walked over to him, kneeling on the floor so you could look at him, “What’s wrong?”

His eyes darted between yours, lips parted, as he thought over your question.

“I don’t know” His voice quivered.

You placed a hand on his leg, to ground him, “You wanted me to come over”

He swallowed, “I did”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to be alone right now”

“You’re not” You assured him, patting lightly on his knee, “What are you thinking about?”

“Shouldn’t I feel sad?” He asked, “Something has to be wrong with me”

“What do you mean?” You frowned.

“You asked me earlier if I will miss Daejon, but I only feel numb. I cried when I left Seoul, but why do I feel nothing leaving here?”

His words were heavy, and you don’t know if you were qualified to answer him, because you were too emotionally invested in this, and in him.

“Maybe you haven’t processed it yet”

He looked back at the garden, fence, and skies, “Yeah, I can’t believe I’m going to be back in the city tomorrow. It feels like a world apart, and I can’t really grasp leaving this”

“I mean, it is a world apart, Hyunjin”

He looked at you, “I feel like I never got the chance to settle here. It’s been so temporary. I always knew I was only here for a little while, and I can’t get myself to feel sad”

“It’s not like… an obligation, Hyun. I can’t imagine how it feels like to live two places. If you don’t feel a certain way, you can’t force it”

He nodded, quietly staring ahead at his garden.

He was stuck between two places, and two lives. He’d always told you about that. 

Even though he wasn’t sad, he didn’t seem happy either, so you said, “What are you looking forward to the most when you get back?”

“Meeting the guys” He responded, in a heartbeat, and then smiled at his own eagerness, “I’m also excited to just be able to do my job again”

“Yeah?” You asked, taking a seat next to him so you could be level with him, “Do you already have your schedule for the next few weeks?”

He nodded, “Mmh. It’s kind of crazy, but it’ll be nice to be that busy again”

You shifted closer to him, as did he, with the pouring rain in backdrop. It was isolating, but comforting, “What else?”

“Hmm?”

“What else are you excited about?”

Hyunjin’s lips pulled up into a smile, “To step into the dance studio. Man, I’ve missed that more than anything”

You smiled, “Yeah?”

“When I was a trainee, I basically slept there.” He hummed, and despite the obvious hardships he hinted at, his memory came from a place of fondness and comfort.

His eyes crinkled as he remembered something else, “It’s funny. It happened so often. Our manager installed a small bench there, so I could pass out on it, instead of killing my back on the hardwood floor”

“Wow. That’s so nice of him” You smiled, watching his eyes lit up talking about his home.

“I also can’t wait to get back to the recording studio. Chan told me details about the next album. Apparently, he, uh, wants me to have a couple of my own songs on it”

Your eyes widened, “Wait, what do you mean?”

As far as you knew, all of their songs were written by his team members.

“Um” He laughed nervously, crossing his legs, “Like songs I write just by myself, and produce”

“I didn’t know you write songs” You admitted, feeling stupid. Sadness settled in your stomach, as you realised there was so much you still didn’t know much about Hyunjin. 

There was so much you wanted to know, to discover about him. 

Hyunjin laughed, “I try to, I haven’t released my own yet. The guys usually take care of that, so this will be a first…I don’t even know what I’ll write about”

“But…have you written songs before?”

He nodded, “I used to write a lot on tour, but I never really felt confident enough to release them”

Curiosity flooded you, “What kind of things do you write about?”

He laughed, “You’ll be disappointed, it’s kind of cheesy…and mainstream”

“I don’t care”

He smiled, “You’ll be the first to hear if I finish”

“Are you excited to see Chan?”

He laughed, “Insanely. Jisung and Binnie too. I can’t believe I went so long without them. Hopefully they haven’t burnt the dorm down”

He grimaced at the thought, and then laughed, “And Jisung…man, I think I’ll squeeze the life out of him when I see him, and not let go. He’s been through far too much in my absence”

“They must be missing you a lot” You spoke, watching his fond smile. 

You would miss so many moments in his life. 

Crucial moments that would redefine him as a person.

You would miss the excitement in his eyes when he reunited with the boys again. You’d miss the work he would put into the self-composed songs, and the satisfaction of his smile when he finished.

So many little and bigger moments of happiness, the kind of things that make a person. 

The next time you saw him, he’d probably be so different from who he was now. 

You would both have changed as people, grown apart from each other.

But he was smiling at everything he had to look forward to, and that’s all you wanted in the moment. For him to feel happy.

“We still have a few hours left. It’s your last night. Is there anything in particular you wanted to do?”

Hyunjin tilt his head, “I didn’t really plan for anything… I was just hoping you’d spend it with me”

He already seemed so much more relaxed, and you were glad. 

“Do you need help cleaning anything or packing up?”

He shook his head, “I think everything’s done but…we could have drinks together, if you want?”

His last night in town should be memorable.

“That sounds perfect” You smiled, getting off the bed, as you followed Hyunjin back to the kitchen. 

He had changed from his storm-drenched clothes into simple sweatpants, and they fit him well, sitting comfortably on his hips. The hoodie was also simple, and it looked soft enough to touch, like it was made from the finest wool in the country.

“What do you usually like to have, Y/N?” Hyunjin reached up to the cabinets at the very top, his height allowing him to do so with ease, “I know that you liked the rosé when we went to the paint event, and I know that you absolutely hate beer”

You laughed at the memory, jumping up to sit comfortably on the kitchen counter. Hyunjin glanced at you briefly, smiling to himself at the position, and how you’d made yourself at home.

You thought about it, but you weren’t a big cocktail drinker, so you hummed, “I’ll have anything you’ll have”

“You’re easily influenced” He laughed, “What if you hate my taste?”

You smiled at him, swinging your legs gently against the counter, “I trust you”

He made a face, “Now I have to live up to your unrealistically high expectations of me. Isn’t that too much pressure for my last night?”

You threw your hands up in defense, “You’re the one who suggested we have drinks, Hyun”

He smiled, peering at the alcohol he had in his cabinet. There wasn’t too much, since he rarely lived here, and you don’t suppose his aunt was a big drinker.

“Have you ever tried a Dolce Vita?” He asked you, the drink's name slipping from his lips so smoothly, and you guessed it was Italian from his pronunciation, but Hyunjin made it sound so expensive.

“Can’t say that I have” 

He stepped towards you, body touching your legs, but still not close enough, “I think it’s your kind of a drink”

“What makes you say that?” You tilt your head.

He thought over his words, mulling them in his head, “It’s…classy. It’s elegant, and it’s…romantic”

You stilled, watching him describe it.

 “It’s pink, and…it has dark chocolate on top” He continued, and then smiled to himself, “It fits you really well”

You smiled, heat flushing to your chest, and cheeks, “What’s the catch?”

“I don’t have all the ingredients” He spoke, a soft pout on his lips, “But I can make you another drink, that you might like”

“When did you even learn all these recipes? I didn’t know you’re a connoisseur”

He laughed, stepping back towards the cabinet to check the ingredients, “I’m not, but Chan taught me a few. He and Kairi…make their own cocktails a lot”

“I hope I can meet them one day” You spoke.

Hyunjin glanced at you over his shoulder, “You’d love Kairi. She’s…so much like you”

You thought, still swaying your legs, “Does that mean Chan would love me too?”

He chuckled, and his shoulders shook from the action, “He kind of already does”

It was still pouring outside, and you looked at the droplets cascading down the kitchen window. It was kind of nice to be trapped in this house with him. It was a big place too, and it was empty, and just the two of you. It was like you were two kids playing house. 

Hyunjin was fiddling with different liqueurs, and you could hear the clinking of glasses, and spoons as he moved things around on the counter. You would help him if you could, but you had no experience in mixology and he had it handled. It was calming, to listen to the thunder, and just sit here.

“What are you making now, Hyun?” You asked, fiddling with the cuts in your jeans.

“It’s called the Queen of Hearts”

You laughed, “I have never heard of these names. Are they just for rich people…or something?”

He tsked, shaking his head “I’m not that rich, Y/N”

“Statistically speaking, you’re…like in one of the biggest bands in our country” 

He smiled softly at you again, “How do you know that? Did you read about me online?”

“Maybe I did” You flushed, “Sometimes you show up on my Instagram. Your fans are very loyal, you know?”

He laughed, turning around to look at you, and you could see he was shaking a liquid in a glass, “I sure hope you don’t believe everything you see about me though. There’s a lot of false news out there”

“So, what, you haven’t dated like every female pop star in the country?” You teased him, exaggerating.

He rolled his eyes, turning back to the counter, to put the glass down, “Did someone actually say that I did?”

“Of course not” You smiled, “That wouldn’t be a believable rumour”

“You’d be surprised what people believe” He laughed, and then paused to say, “I’ve only ever dated one”

Your eyebrows shot up, “A pop star?”

“Yeah”

You looked at him, and you were so curious suddenly, albeit a lot of it stemmed from envy. Whoever had the honor of dating Hyunjin…did they know how lucky they were?

Was in he love with her?

Was she?

You imagined it in your head — the dates he would go on, and the kind of romantic things he would say. He was already such a nice person to you, and you two were just friends. What would he be like…with the girl that he loves?

A pit of jealousy settled in your stomach, so deep, that it ached.

“So, um, I added less liquor to yours just so you can taste it. If you like it, I can give you some more” He spoke, turning to delicately hand you the wine glass. The drink was the color of champagne. 

You peered at the drink, “What’s in it?”

He tilt his head, thinking, “It’s a bit of gin, wine, and…some lemon juice. For the sweet flavour, I added a syrup to it. It’s dahlia…I think you’ll love that”

You stared at him as he explained it, “You’re kidding me”

You reached for the glass, but he immediately pulled it back before you could.

“Wait! I forgot something”

“What?” You laughed, “What else could possibly be missing? The tears of angels?”

He rolled his eyes, “Ha-ha”

You tried to grab it, “Just give it to me. I’m sure it’s fine”

He shook his head, pulling the drink away from your hold, “No, this is the last drink I’m making you. It has to be perfect”

“It’s also the first drink you’ve made me” You pointed out.

He laughed, holding up a finger, “Give me just one minute. I’ll be back”

He placed the glass back on the countertop, and slipped his shoes on.

“Wait, what?”

“I have to run to the garden for something” He told you over his shoulder.

“But there’s a storm out” You exclaimed, dumbly.

He pulled the hood up, looking back at you as he zipped it up fully, “I’ll be fine”

“Hyunjin, don’t go” You laughed, “I’m sure the drink is fine without it”

He shook his head, and he was already halfway out the door. As soon as he pushed open the wooden door, a gust of wind blew in, bringing with it tiny leaves and some rain. The thunder was so much louder now that the door was open, and Hyunjin ran out, shoes put on halfway, and it was so silly that he was doing all this for just a drink.

You waited with bated breath, but you couldn’t see out into the garden from here, so you had no idea what he was up to.

Minutes passed, and you waited in his kitchen, sat on the countertop.

“Holy shit. It’s fucking pouring!” He yelled, running back inside, and he was completely wet, from head to toe. He slipped off his shoes at the back entrance, walking to you barefoot.

“Oh my god” You mumbled, watching the water drip off him, “I told you it was a bad idea”

His fist was closed around something, and you wonder what he got from the garden.

He grabbed your wine glass, and dropped something in it, “You’ll change your mind after you try this”

He then smiled proudly, handing it to you.

Your eyes widened, as you peered into the glass. 

A pretty flower floated on top of the gin, its pink petals wet from the liquid, giving the entire drink an illusion of a pastel paint.

“A flower?” You asked, giggling in disbelief.

“It’s edible” He explained, smiling still, “It’s perfect for you”

“Did you get one for yourself too?”

“Mmh” He nodded, showing you his. The flower floated on the top beautifully, dissolving partially into the liquid. Your drinks looked beautiful together, ethereal and completely fitting to who Hyunjin was as a person.

“Aren’t you cold?” 

“I am” He admitted, and then looked just a tad regretful, “But I packed away all my spare clothes”

“Maybe you should’ve thought this all through” You giggled.

“To be fair, I wasn’t thinking” He shrugged, “It’s fine. It’ll dry out”

He reached behind his neck, peeling off his grey hoodie. The white t-shirt he wore inside rose up with the simple action, revealing his stomach in a glimpse. Like a teenage girl, your heart jumped at the little display of skin. He tossed the hoodie to the side, and stepped closer to you.

His hair looked darker when wet, almost a shade of black, sticking to his face and his cheeks. He puffed, pushing it back behind his ears. You noticed his pendant, stuck in the front of his shirt as he stepped closer to you.

You weren’t thinking as you reached forward, grabbing the thin silver chain around his neck and tugged it out, so it fell against his chest instead.

Hyunjin was frozen still at the action, darting down to see what you were doing and then looking back up at you.

Your hand was still on the chain, and every part of you wanted to pull him closer by it, so you could kiss him. Right now didn’t seem like a good time for that though. He was feeling all kinds of emotions and vulnerability …if he wanted to kiss you tonight, he would have.

The thought of letting Hyunjin go — without feeling his lips again — hurt you, but it was a reality you’d accept. You’d been all over the place with him recently, never having defined what it meant, or why you kept making out without talking about it.

Maybe it was just a summer fling for him, because he’d made it plenty clear you two could never be anything more.

You cleared your throat, dropping your hand, “Now, can we try the drink? I’m dying to taste it” 

He nodded a yes, and you held your glasses up, clinking them against each other. The sound echoed in the empty house. As you did that, he looked right into your eyes, and you felt a familiar shiver run down your spine. You lift the glass up to your lips, tasting the liquid, and Hyunjin watched you as you did so. His eyes on you made you feel a little shy, but that was soon overpowered by how good the drink tasted. 

It smelled, and tasted just like flowers and sweetness, and you let out a moan of satisfaction, “Fuck. That’s…revolutionary”

Hyunjin smiled, eyes crinkling, and only after that did he sip his drink. It tasted like a dark chocolate tart, and like flavourful berries grown on a farm.

“Have you ever considered…becoming a mixologist instead of an idol?” 

He laughed, stepping close to the counter so that he lingered at your footsteps. If you opened your legs up just a bit, he could stand between your thighs but you weren’t sure it was appropriate. So, you stayed the way you were, sitting on the countertop, and Hyunjin stood as close as possible, his lower stomach grazing against your knees.

“Maybe when I retire” He joked, swirling the drink around in his glass.

“No, but this is seriously so good” You told him, genuinely now, “Is there anything that you can’t do?”

“Stop” His face turned red, and he looked embarrassed, “It’s just a drink. I didn’t do anything else”

“Well, nobody’s ever made me a Queen of Hearts before” 

He glanced up at you, “They’re missing out on a great opportunity then”

“Mmh. I’m sure nobody’s dying to do that”

His smile fell, hand landing on your knee, “Don’t do that”

“Do what…?”

“Talk down about yourself”

You blinked. It really wasn’t your intention to do that. You were just being honest. Nobody you knew in your life, or in all of Daejon would ever make a drink like this for you. There wasn’t anything wrong with that, but it was just the truth.

So it was interesting that he interpreted it as such, as if your reply offended him.

“I wasn’t” You clarified, “I just meant…there’s not a lot of guys in Daejon with skill sets like yours”

The way you said it made you cringe, it came out sounding so professionally formal.

He looked up at you, sincere expression, “That’s…a compliment I’ve never got before”

You broke into a laugh, and absentmindedly put your hand over his, the one that rested on your knee. His hand dwarfed yours in comparison, but you drew circles over it as you talked, “Well, I have a gift and a burning desire for pleasing others or I’ll shrivel up and die”

Hyunjin laughed, squeezing your knee, and his hair was wet, but it was already beginning to dry up around his face.

“I like when you’re like that” He suddenly spoke, eyes focused on his drink, not you.

You took a sip of it too, watching him, “When I’m like what?”

“I don’t know” He looked up, “Confident. Funny. Yourself. Not…sad”

“You make it sound like I’m always depressed”

He shook his head, “You know what I mean”

“I don’t” 

He sighed, as if wondering whether to say it or not.

You drew a star on his hand, the one that rest on your knee, “Tell me. It’s our last night together anyway”

It seemed like that was the push he needed, and he placed his glass to the side, “The past few weeks you haven’t seemed the most…happy. I know that you were having a lot of trouble with your friends, and with the art program application” He trailed off, looking guilty again, “And because of me…”

You stayed quiet, letting him continue.

“I guess it was just not a great time for you. But tonight, when I’m talking to you…it feels like those problems don’t exist in the moment. I know I have to leave tomorrow, and I know you were upset about that, and you have every right to be, but right now…it feels like you’re less burdened somehow”

You didn’t know he noticed so many things about you, and so your heart warmed at just that implication. Hearing him recount what you’d been going through, you also felt a little emotional.

He looked up at you, looking a little panicked, “Or I could be completely wrong. You can correct me”

“No” You refuted, “You’re not wrong. I do feel…less burdened. I guess I just never thought of it like that. For me, it just felt like each day was getting progressively worse. I didn’t look at it from any other perspective”

“Yeah… but things will work out for you, Y/N” He said so simply, “I know that sounds preach-y, but… it may feel like everything in your life is going wrong somehow, but I assure you it’s not. Every bad day you’ve recently had…all of that won’t matter soon enough, and so you have to know that this sadness isn’t forever”

You blinked, staring at him. Absentmindedly, his hand slid further up your leg, drifting from your knee to your thigh. You let it.

He pushed his stray hair back with his other hand, tucking the strands behind his ear, “And I know how much this art program meant to you, I’ve had my share of failed dreams before, so I know how gut-wrenching it is, but this isn’t the end of your art journey. You know that right?”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Well, it can’t be. You have a gift, and…I know that it’s not going to waste”

You smiled, cheeks full from his words, “You have a gift too, you know?”

He locked eyes with you, and he was blushing too, and his fingers rest at your upper thigh now, “Yeah? What’s that?”

“You have...such a good heart, Hyunjin”

His eyes widened, hanging on to your every word.

“You’re the kindest person I know. It doesn’t sound like much, but…I’ve not met many people like you, genuinely good people. I respect that…a lot. You deal with so much bullshit in your life, but you still find a way to be happy”

His eyes lit up, a gorgeous smile appearing on his face, “Isn’t that the point of everything? The endgame”

You laughed, “It is. It what we’re all working towards. I just wish everyone else could be like you”

He smiled at your words, and you would miss this so much. The kind of ideas that you could talk about for hours. He looked beautiful like this. He looked like the most beautiful thing in the world when he was happy. He was shy too, biting his upper lip, and his cheeks were all red.

So you continued, to make that emotion last as long as you could, “I’m serious. You have such a kind heart, Hyunjin. You put your soul into everything you do, even if that’s just talking to someone at the grocery store or something. I think if someone met you, even for just a day in their life, you’d impact them forever”

His eyes crinkled with each sentence, bashful smile appearing, “Thank you”

You took another sip, and you watched him.

He was finishing his drink faster than you, and you just wanted him to be closer.

So, you lift your legs up, folding them on the counter, sitting cross-legged while facing him. His eyebrow shot up, for just a second, before he realised why you did that. He stepped closer, till his body was pressed to the counter, and his face was inches apart from you. 

He lift his glass up, indulging in the last drink, but his eyes stayed on you, and his hand was on your thigh again.

“Thank you for the drink and… for the pep talk. I really enjoyed that” You told him.

He placed his empty glass next to you, a sincere look in his eyes, “That’s what I’m here for”

You couldn’t stop yourself from smiling, and you felt like your cheekbones would hurt.

“Everybody deserves to have someone like you in their lives, Hyunjin”

He was smiling too, cheeks full, eyes twinkling, “You too, Y/N”

You went to sip your drink, but it was already empty and you stared at the glass in your lap, “I finished it”

Hyunjin stared at your lap too, and the petals in the glass balanced in the space between your legs, “Do you want another?”

“Another drink?” You looked up at him.

He nodded, and his cheeks were so flushed, so he was already a little tipsy, “We can make a stronger one”

“You have a train to catch in the morning. Is that a good idea?”

“I’ll be fine” He reassured you, “This night is more important to me than that”

You clutched the counter on both sides, and nodded, “Okay. Another drink sounds good to me then”

He nodded, eyes half-lidded, “Can I have your glass?”

You hummed, “Yeah” but you made no effort to give it to him.

So, his eyes flickered from yours, to the glass between your legs. 

Carefully, he reached for it, trying to grasp the thin stem. You didn’t move an inch, holding your breath. 

His fingers brushed against your inner thighs, and he stilled. But he didn’t say anything. 

He went straight for it, and grabbed the wine glass, so near to where you needed him the most. 

Careful, he lifted it up from between your legs, and then finally you could breathe again. He walked over to the cabinet, “What kind of drink do you want this time?”

“I’ll trust your judgement”

He busied himself yet again, explaining what he was making, using up all the leftover gin he had. You watched him as he worked. The t-shirt was fitted, and it was a little wet from the rain, sticking to his body tightly. That must be uncomfortable. 

As he moved about, pouring the gin into your glasses, you focused on how his back muscles flexed and relaxed. He was so good with his hands, as he worked swiftly and quickly.

Your head was already beginning to spin.

“You have anything to eat?” You asked.

He looked back at you, “Are you dizzy?”

“Just a bit” You reassured him with a smile, “I am hungry though”

He turned, hands on his hips, and you found it hard to focus on his face. The t-shirt was basically see-through at this point, sticking to every ridge and muscle in his body, clinging to him. 

“I might have some chocolate, but I don’t remember if I packed it in my suitcase already”

“You know what, don’t worry about it” You waved it off with your hand, “I’ll be fine”

He looked worried, “You sure?”

“Mmh-mh”

“And you’re okay to have another drink? We don’t need to” 

“No, we won’t get to do this again, so yes I’m okay”

This was your last night, your brain kept screaming at you, again and again.

He turned to finish garnishing the drink. His hair was still long enough to brush his shoulders, and it stuck to the back of his neck, and the shade of brown really suited him. You wanted to run your hands through it, feel the wet hair between your fingertips, scratch it with your nails. 

His girlfriend…she must have had the honour to do that, whenever she wanted.

Unlike you. You always had to wait for moments. 

Moments like the one in the Photobooth. Or under the fireflies.

The special moments you lived for.

You couldn’t just casually walk up to him, and kiss him.

You were a little tipsy, so you didn’t think twice, “Can I ask you about her?”

He paused, and asked you, “Her?”

“The pop star you dated” 

Understanding sank into his shoulders, and he handed you the glasses. The second round of drinks were ready. Standing opposite you, he crossed one arm over his stomach, drinking with the other hand.

“You don’t have to, if you don’t feel comfortable” You added, watching him carefully.

He didn’t seem uncomfortable.

He tipped his head back, drinking, and then looked at you, “You really want to know?”

“Yeah” You gripped the counter, and your drink lay to the side, untouched.

You added, “I mean she’s your ex, and…we’re friends. Friends talk about that kind of stuff”

He nodded, slightly, “They do”

You were relieved, never wanting to make him uncomfortable, but you were burning with curiosity.

“What do you want to know?” He tilt his head.

“How did you meet her?”

He suddenly relaxed, as if he’d been expecting you to ask much harder questions, “Oh, uh. She was training at the same company I was. On a different floor, of course. She was one of the top trainees of her year, and…we would practice at the same time, overnight. I bumped into her a few times then”

“Oh. Sounds like she worked really hard”

Hyunjin nodded, “I mean, we had no choice, but yeah…she was one of the few who really pushed herself. Some days it felt impossible to debut, so you really only made it if you worked your ass off, you know?” He then paused, as if wondering whether to say the next thing or not, but he did it anyway, “That’s what I liked the most about her”

Your gut clenched, but your curiosity overshadowed the jealousy that was eating you up.

“So…did you ask her out? Or did she?”

He took another sip of his drink, glancing briefly to the floor and then up at you, “Yeah. I had a stupid teenage crush on her”

The words were enough to make you finally pick up your drink, and perhaps you needed to be inebriated before listening to this.

A fucking crush. She must have been the luckiest girl in the world to be crushed on by Hwang Hyunjin. You wondered what she looked like, but maybe it was better not to know. She was a star, she was probably perfect.

If he ever told you he had a crush on you, you’d probably pass out. 

“Was that allowed…? To date another trainee?”

Hyunjin then laughed, shaking his head, “Um, not at all. It was forbidden”

Oh.

It was forbidden, but he did it anyway.

“You must have liked her a lot”

He hummed, swirling the liquid in his glass, “I was a stupid kid. I wasn’t thinking”

“So you regret it?”

He shook his head, “No. I needed the experience”

“Of dating?”

“That, but also…a month or so after we started going out, one of her friends was asked to leave the company because she was caught up in a scandal. A dating one. That made me realise that I was risking my entire life, and my dream, for…a girl”

“How’d you do it?”

“Do what?” He seemed confused.

Your body was alight with all of this information.

“Keep it a secret for that long”

He smiled a bit at the memory, “Um. We found ways. We’d meet after dinner, and during late-night practices. Sometimes really early in the morning”

You think you would die.

“Did you fuck?”

Hyunjin’s eyes shot up to yours, wide, surprised. 

You don’t know what the hell possessed you to say that, but you didn’t budge, indicating to him that it was okay to answer.

He slowly nodded, tongue poking his cheek, “Yeah. We did”

You were dying.

But for some godforsaken reason, you needed to know the details. As if the thoughts of his secret dating days was arousing to you.

“Tell me more”

He til his head, words at the tip of his tongue. He wanted to ask you if you really wanted to know, or why you were so curious, but he didn’t ask. 

You wouldn’t have asked if you weren’t prepared to hear the answer.

Hyunjin was staring at you, assessing every little detail of your facial expression, and you wanted to seem confident. You weren’t some kid. 

You could hear about him having sex, and not freak out.

Thoughts of him fucking some pop star should kill you, but it didn’t. Your core was tight, with anticipation, with imagination. You pressed your thighs together, waiting for him to talk.

“Um…” He paused, to take another sip. Perhaps he needed some liquid courage too sometimes, “It was never…we never had too much time on our hands. It was always quick. Rushed, but I think that’s where half of the thrill of it was. The fear of being caught anytime. If we weren’t quick, we wouldn’t have been able to…”

Your heart was pounding.

Images flashing in your head. 

He looked into your eyes, and you just nodded, for him to continue. If he looked at your hands, he would see your knuckles were white from gripping the counter too hard. 

“It was hot” He spoke, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed, “The secrecy. The…shared glances. Nobody but us knew what went on. During group sessions, we would watch each other…in the practice room. Working out. Dancing”

“And?”

It wasn’t enough.

His eyes had a peculiar expression, like he couldn’t understand why you wanted to know all this stuff, but he told you anyway, “And…on bad days, when she was frustrated or upset, I’d…be there for her. In the way that she wanted”

You took a large sip of your drink, the alcohol sour in your mouth, and your head was beginning to spin. In a good way. You were wet too.

You didn’t think you could ever feel this way. 

You were dizzy with want, and with desire, and his name escaped your lips in what was almost a complaint, “Hyunjin…”

“Yeah?” He was immediate to step closer, keeping his glass aside. He put his hands on either side of you, caging you in place, and his voice dropped so low, “Are you gonna tell me why you wanted to know that?”

“I don’t know” You mumbled, “I don’t understand it myself”

He leaned in, watching you, “You’ve had a lot to drink”

“I’m fine”

His voice softened, and he grabbed the glass from you, “I know, but…let’s not drink anymore, okay?”

“Why?” You whined, “It’s your last night”

He out a soft laugh, “It’s not like I’m dying or anything. I’ll only be a few hours away from you”

“A few hours is a lot. I don’t want you to be even a few minutes away” You complained.

He smiled, adoration in his eyes, “So, what do you want then? To stay with me all the time?”

You nodded, eyes closing, “That sounds fair”

He laughed, loudly, “Is it really? What about my job? Is it fair for me to leave all of that?”

“What about me?” You opened your eyes to look at him. 

He was so close, just inches away. His wispy bangs stuck to his forehead, grazing his eyebrows. His eyes were full of amusement, they were so brown, and so big. 

His lips were thick, tinted with the colors of the drink, and even little accidents like that made him look perfect, like he was sculpted by a great artist. You could admire him for hours.

He tilt his head, “What about you?”

You pursed your lips, feeling sad all of a sudden, “Are you gonna forget all about me?”

His smiled, hand tracing your cheek, “You really think so?”

“Your whole life is waiting for you back there”

He nodded, “It is…”

“You have so much to look forward to” You told him. So much more than what this life here in this little small-town could give him. 

He spoke, “Maybe that’s why I’m not sad. I guess because Seoul has always been my home”

Your heart felt heavy at his confession but you understood him, “Hyun…”

“I know. It sounds horrible. I was born here, and this is where my parents used to live before we moved, and this town should mean so much more to me. I feel like I’m betraying…that”

“You’re not betraying anyone, Hyun. You may not feel this town anymore but Daejon will still always be here for you. If you ever need it”

He glanced at you, eyes wide.

“And I will be too” You continued, “If you ever need me”

His mouth parted as he whispered, “Thank you”

You swallowed, staring at his lips, “What do we do now?”

His eyes flickered over you, and he was quiet.

Your heart was racing a mile a minute, and your mind too. 

“I don’t know” He finally spoke.

Your heart carried a sense of unfulfilment.

There was more that should happen. 

You could talk to each other for hours, and it was endless. Unfortunately, time was linear.

It was finite, and yours with him was coming to an end.

You’d been here for hours, yet it didn’t feel like that.

Hyunjin was staring at you, half-lidded eyes, and empty promises swirled within them.

You swallowed your sadness, trying to find words, “Your manager, he’s going to be coming here soon, right?”

“Yeah. His train will arrive…any time now” He glanced at his phone, “He’s almost here…”

“I should go before he arrives”

Hyunjin nodded, stepping back, “Yeah. He…he can’t see you here”

You jumped off the counter, suddenly unsure what to do or say. This was it.

He was going to be gone soon.

You stared at each other, at a loss for words. You couldn’t even cry. You just felt a certain numbness. The numbness he talked about. Maybe it was the gin.

You also felt like you were in denial, like he would return soon and you’d see him tomorrow morning. 

But the last time he left…he didn’t return for years.

Why would now be any different?

“I don’t know what to say” You mumbled, stupidly. There was nothing wrong with being honest.

He was leaving, and you couldn’t breathe. The air in your body wasn’t enough, and you were panicking because you didn’t know what to fucking say. Why had nobody prepared you for goodbyes like this?

In the movies, they were so dramatic, but real life wasn’t like that.

In the books, they were so romantic, but there was no time for love in his life.

Hyunjin’s expression softened, “You don’t have to say anything. I don’t want you to be sad. We’re going to meet again, and we’ll see each other soon”

You nodded, air returning to your lungs, “Right. You’re completely right, Hyunjin”

There was no need to freak out. He wasn’t dying, or anything. 

You didn’t want this to be some big deal. You weren’t going to cry, or make a scene. 

“It’s only for a little while” He shot you a smile.

“Yeah” Your palms were sweaty, and you wiped them on your jeans. You stared at the kitchen counter, and your wine glasses lay empty. You wish you’d asked for another drink. You wish tonight didn’t have to end. You wish time wasn’t linear, and you could go back.

Fuck. If you could change things, you would have gone back just an hour tonight, and you would have told him you were in love with him.

But it was too late now. 

He was just your friend, and he would stay in touch with you, like friends did. It wasn’t any different than what Yeonjun did when he left, or even Seonghwa.

“I should go” You stated, with finality.

Hyunjin nodded, then stepped forward, closing the distance between you until he stood an arm's length away.

“Thank you for coming over” He mentioned, “I wouldn’t have been able to sleep tonight anyway”

“Of course. That’s…what friends are for” You smiled up at him.

He suddenly seemed awkward, hands at his side like he didn’t know what to do, “Can I hug you?”

Why was this so strange?

Why were neither of prepared for this?

You’d never said goodbye to a boy you loved, so you didn’t know how it worked.

You wish there was a manual for this. But even every tutorial in the world couldn’t prepare you for the look in his eyes.

You got up on your toes, pulling him into an embrace, and he immediately hugged you back. His strong arms wrapped around your body, squeezing you in his grip. 

You could smell the rain on him, a faint hint of his cologne, his shampoo. You’d want to bottle up his scent, and keep it with you forever. The air smelt like the ground after it rained, and like an unrequited love.

You tried to memorise the shape of his arms on you, and the sound of his heart beat. 

Hyunjin let go of you, far too quickly, but it was what you needed, or you’d never leave.

You were in a state of fugue, indulging in actions, but not thinking, not feeling.

You found yourself at the front door, and you don’t remember how you got here. You looked back at him, “Text me when you get to the city, okay?”

He nodded, “I will. Don’t worry, okay?”

All your words seem stuck in you. They can’t seem to make it past your chest.

Maybe a part of you thought there’d be some grand declaration of love by now, but this was real life and those things never happened.

You turned to leave.

“Wait—” He suddenly spoke.

“What?” You asked, anticipation swelling within you.

His wait held so many promises. So much hope.

Wait, I’m in love with you too.

Wait, I’m fucking stupid for leaving you all alone in this town.

Wait, please don’t leave me without kissing me goodbye.

He retreated to the kitchen counter, “Wait — your sketchbook. Don’t forget to take that” 

“Oh. Of course” You grabbed it from him, fingers brushing against his. 

“Take care of yourself” He spoke, and it was so forced. It was the right thing to say, obviously. It’s what you told people when you wouldn’t see them again for a while. 

But it felt wrong, like you were both forcing yourselves to follow traditions, and patterns, but those never worked on the two of you.

You pushed open the door, and a gust of wind blew in. The storm had passed now, so you could get home safely, by yourself, all alone. 

Looking over your shoulder as you walked out, you felt nothing. He smiled at you, but it didn’t reach his eyes. His heart wasn’t in it. 

You were drained out, and all of your emotions were spent.

You held the sketchbook to your chest, focusing on the sound of your footsteps on the wet pavement, and not on Hyunjin’s house behind you.

You heard the door close behind you, and you squeezed the sketchbook a little harder, willing yourself to walk as fast as you could.

It felt like it would be the most emotionally draining moment of your life, but you felt so numb too.

You passed his front porch and bedroom window, and you remembered the first time you’d come over. How he’d shown you all of his art, and his painting. You’d been surprised to know how wonderfully his mind worked. 

Even back then, he’d asked if he could hug you. Always so…fucking nice. 

You were already forgetting the feel of his arms around you.

You stopped in your tracks, and you shouldn’t.

You turned around.

His house was beautiful, like him. 

Tomorrow, it would be empty.

Right now, it was so full of him, of his love, and of everything that made him him.

Your body took on a mind of its own, and you were walking. 

You were walking back to his place. It was stupid. 

What the hell were you doing?

You had no plan or idea of what you’d say when you got there, but that couldn’t have been your goodbye. 

You needed to see him one more time. Just another minute.

You raised your hand in a fist to knock on his door, but before you could, the door flew open.

He stood there, staring at you, eyes wide. 

His hair was messy like he’d run his hand through it a million times since you walked away, but that was only twenty fucking seconds ago.

“Y/N…” He spoke, breathing heavy as his eyes flickered all over you, and the fact that you’d come back.

“What… what were you doing?” You had the audacity to ask him when you didn’t even know what the fuck you were doing.

He was breathing so heavy, chest moving rapidly up and down, “I don’t really know. I was coming after you” 

Realisation sank in. 

You’d come back to see him again, and in the same breath he was coming after you. 

The world was really so cruel.

How could two people be so perfect for each other but be destined to be apart?

You couldn’t say anything, except his name, “Hyun—”

And in the same breath, his lips collided with yours, so hard and fast.

The impact was so powerful you stumbled back, but his arm was tightly wrapped around you, holding you up. 

It was tight around your waist, gripping you, and he was devouring you, lips moving against yours like they never should be apart. 

You were running out of time.

You kissed him back, hands coming up to his arms, gripping his biceps tight, fingernails digging in. 

Time was running and it was slipping away every second that the Earth was turning, but his grip on you was so strong that even a planet couldn’t come between you.

You stood at his doorway, on the threshold, halfway in, halfway out.

He’d never kissed you like this. 

His hand slipped into your hair, gripping onto it so tightly it almost hurt, tilting your head back and back as he towered over you. He kept kissing you, pressing pecks against your lips, bruising them.

Your hands drifted into the front of his shirt, and you gripped it in your fists, holding onto him for life.

“Fuck—” He mumbled, in a breath between pecks. Fuck, you’re actually fucking doing this again.

Your body was heating up, and he stopped to let you breathe, moving his mouth over your jawline and leaving kisses to your ear. You were putty in his hands, and he tilt his head the other way, pecking every inch of un-kissed skin.

“You came back” He breathed, pupils dilated as he looked right at you, and both his hands came to hold your face.

“I couldn’t go” You were panting, trying to get the air back in.

“I’m gonna miss you so fucking much” His lips trailed over yours again, tracing your mouth to memory.

“I know, I know” You nodded, realising that you were both tasting your tears. You didn’t even know you had tears.

The door was wide open and it was stupid to do this now, but it was everything. The wind prickled goosebumps up your arms, and legs, and you both kissed each other goodbye.

“Can I just say something?” He asked, breathing heavy. 

“There’s no time” You told him, kissing him again, and again.

He laughed slightly, “I’ll be quick”

You pulled away, “Tell me”

He was speaking quickly, trying to get all the words out in one breath, “I know we’ve said it a million times. I know we’re supposed to just be friends, and I know nothing can happen, but…I have no self-control around you. I’m so fucking sorry”

It didn’t make you sad. You’d heard it before, and you embraced it.

“Don’t apologise” You mumbled, and your hands drifted around his waist, feeling him up. 

Was it possible to want somebody so bad, knowing it would lead to absolutely nothing?

He swallowed, “I know we have to just be friends…but I’m so fucking attracted to you. Like an absolutely insane amount. It’s impossible for me to pretend I’m not into you”

Each word he said just made you wet, and you kissed him instead of answering. 

There was no time, because when were things ever easy for you?

You felt him up, all you could, hands drifting to his ass, and to the front of his pants, squeezing him through his sweatpants.

He left kisses on your jaw, and he felt you up too. His hand squeezed your ass, the other going up the front of your shirt. His fingers grazed your bra, and he pulled you even closer to him.

“Can I take you inside?” He whispered, ”Please, please, please”

“Hyunjin, I don’t wanna be interrupted” You breathed, because that’s what always happened. 

“Me neither” He mumbled into your neck, breathing in your scent, “We won’t… go there. We won’t sleep together”

You pulled back to look him in the eyes, because it sounded impossible right now, “Would we be able to stop before that?”

He nodded, “If you can’t, I’ll stop us. Don’t worry”

How could you say no? 

So he took your hand, fingers intertwining with yours, as you found yourselves back in his bedroom. Everything was put away, and his room was empty, but you sat on the bed and didn’t break the kiss for a second.

You didn’t have the luxury to go further, but you could just kiss. So you did just that.

He didn’t pull you into his lap, because you wouldn’t be able to control yourself if he did.

Instead, you sat cross-legged, facing each other, mouths meeting in the middle like two teenagers dared to kiss at a party.

He kept his hand in your hair, the other on your waist, and it was so innocent it was sweet. Your hands rested on his thighs, squeezing the skin through his sweats.

You didn’t know much time you had left, until he had to leave, until you were interrupted. You hope his manager never showed up. 

You continued to feel him up, memorising every ridge and muscle of his body, and he let out soft moans every time you touched him somewhere new.

“I’m so glad you came back” He mumbled, “I wanted you so much”

“Why didn’t you ask me?” You almost whined, kissing his jawline, “I wanted you too”

Things got more heated, and in a matter of seconds, he was pulling you closer to him. Your knees skidded across the mattress, as Hyunjin pulled you to him. 

Nothing was supposed to happen, but somehow, you were fiddling with the knot of his sweatpants, and he had unbuttoned your jeans, pulling the button out of its loop. 

You were dizzy with desire, and his hand slipped inside your jeans, at the same time that yours did into his sweatpants. Now you really did feel like teenagers — making out with your hands down each other’s pants.

It was hard for him because the waistband of your jeans were so tight, and he seemed frustrated. If you’d known this was going to happen, you’d have worn a dress, or maybe nothing at all, so nothing could stop him from touching you.

His fingers brushed against your underwear, and you were so fucking wet it was ridiculous. You bit back a moan, he’d barely touched you but you were burning.

Everything was spinning, and you were so high off off him. His fingers pushed your panties to the side, your arousal making it harder for him to do.

“Fuck…you’re really wet” He mumbled, and his fingers touched your core. You let out a moan at the feeling.

This was the first time he’d touched you like this, and you couldn’t focus on anything. Your hand in his pants stilled, as his fingers started to brush languid circles across your clit. 

Your head fell forward, against his forehead, and he didn’t even seem to mind that you’d stopped touching his cock. He was too focused on you. 

“Shh…I got you” He breathed, kissing your jaw, as he pressed his fingers against you, truly feeling how much you wanted him. You couldn’t describe the way he touched you, as if he was caressing you, fingers brushing against your folds so delicately. Nobody had ever touched you like this.

Your mouth parted, allowing Hyunjin to slip his tongue in, and his anxiety manifested in how intensely he kissed you, like he was running out of time, like this was the last time. You let him take control, as he controlled the pace of it, making out with you. Yet, making out seemed too crude a word for what he was doing. He was savouring every kiss - no half-kisses, no pecks - mouth crushed to yours like he wanted to devour you and you’d let him.

You’d been turned on since hours. You needed more. You gripped onto his bicep tightly, your other hand buried down his pants, hoping he would get the hint. His fingers prodded at your entrance, feeling you.

“Will you let me?” He asked, voice so innocent. You’d never said yes so fast before in your life.

Your lips grazed his ear, and then his cheek, “Please, Hyun”

He pulled back to look at you, “Are you sure?”

“Please”

“Stop me if it hurts, okay?” He kissed under your ear, and then in one swift move, he pushed a finger inside you. You stopped breathing the deeper he got, and you looked at him, mouth parted. 

It didn’t hurt. He could never hurt you.

“You’re so gorgeous” He mumbled, and then he pulled his finger back, before pushing it back in. An embarrassing moan escaped you, and he smiled at your reaction. 

“You like it when I do that?” He asked, and he was out of breath, just like you. He began thrusting out, and then back in, slow, lazy strokes, like he was still getting a feel for it, familiarising himself with your reactions and your body. But there was no time for slow, or careful.

“Holy shit” You mumbled, feeling like you’d pass out, “You can —You can go deeper, and faster too...please”

You had to make him feel good too. So you went back to work, wrapping your hand entirely around his cock. It was a different kind of feeling, to be doing this with all of your clothes still on. There was a small stain at the front of his sweatpants, and he was leaking already. The sight made you dizzy and crazy.

You brushed your thumb against his tip. He let out a moan, eyes fluttering shut, “Fuck. If you do that, I can’t focus on you” 

He then thrust another finger deep inside you, stretching you open, as if in retaliation.

Your mouth fell open in a moan, eyes squeezing shut, but you didn’t stop moving your hand over his cock, “But— but you’re distracting me”

You were both a mess of whimpers and moans, and he kept fingering you open, stretching you out. You’re sure his hand was dripping with your arousal, just like yours was covered in his pre-cum.

Hyunjin became impatient, bucking his hips for more friction, and you increased your pace too.  He whimpered, back arching, and cursed loudly, fucking himself into your hand. His hair was wet with sweat, sticking to his forehead, to his neck.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful” You told him, pressing your mouth to his.

He fingered you harder. 

Your vision was a blur, and all you could focus on was moving your hand over his length. Something about making him moan, while his fingers were buried inside you, was so fucking hot. He was too big in your hands, and you wanted him so bad. But you’d made an agreement, and you couldn’t fuck, no matter how tempting it was.

Time ticked so fast, slipping from within you.

“Are you close?” He whispered into your ear, finger fucking you slowly. It was far too much to handle. You squirmed in his grip, “Yeah. Go faster, please”

He nodded, pressing a kiss to your lips and then increased his pace. You could hear how turned on you were, the wet sounds echoing through his room.

“It’d be easier without the jeans” He mumbled, fucking you open with just his fingers, frustrated at how the waistband restricted his movements. 

“Are you close too?” 

He hummed, “I’m so close. I could cum probably just from touching you”

His words shot another wave of arousal through you, and your core tightened around him, impossibly.

“Fuck — you just…got so tight. Did you like that?” He asked you.

You nodded, no coherent thought in your head.

“Shit, come here” He said, and he pulled your hand out of his sweatpants. You whined at the loss of contact, but he pulled you into his lap instead. His arm came around to hold you up, and you were sat right on his crotch.

“What about—” You went to ask, but he shut you up with a kiss. 

His hand slipped back inside your jeans, and he slid your panties to the side again, “Let me”

You nodded, putting your hands around his neck.

He was so hard under you, and experimentally he thrust up, the friction of you on him so much, and he breathed, “Shit. That feels...amazing”

Everything was spinning, except him, “Don’t stop”

“Remember what I told you?” He mumbled, hand gripping your hip, and you nodded. 

He’d taught you how to make him feel good, back when you were still in the Photobooth. So, you dragged yourself over his crotch, slowly. It was harder to do when his fingers were still inside you, but every little movement felt amplified. 

You didn’t care about anything but him, you didn’t need this to be slow, you didn’t need it to be careful. You just needed him, and that was perfect.

His head fell back, and you kissed messily, spit between your mouths. He was thrusting up into you, to the same pace that his fingers moved inside you. It seemed like that was really enough for him too. Every little contact drove you crazy, like it was your first time touching a boy, and his first time touching a girl. There was so much novelty in the way you two moved against each other, and no finesse. Everything was rushed, every kiss messy, each feeling intensified. 

You caressed the sides of his face, “I want you to fuck me, please”

His eyes widened, but he thrust up so hard at those words, “Y/N, we can’t”

“Please, just the...just the tip”

He kissed you, “I want to, so badly, but --”

“But what?”

He looked genuinely sorry, breaking away from the kiss, “I don’t have a...condom. I'm sorry”

Oh, the irony. You wanted to scream with agony, because you don’t think you’d ever wanted someone this bad before.

“I’m so sorry” He mumbled, kissing you again, but then his voice turned darker, “My fingers aren’t enough for you?”

You clenched, “No. No- they are”

He thrust both fingers in with so much pressure, stretching you open, “Is that better?”

You pressed your lips to his, wanting to kiss him through your orgasm, because your stomach was tightening and you were so close. Hyunjin deepened the kiss, pushing his tongue into your mouth, and he was suddenly so rough and intense but you absolutely loved that.

He was breathing heavy, eyes half-lidded and consumed with lust, just like you. His lips were so puffy, and swollen, thick and full, and so pink, and he was fingering you so perfectly. Your core tightened, and you pressed your mouth to his again, to let him kiss you because you felt so out of control.

“Wait— wait, I wanna look at you” He breathed, pushing both fingers in so deep, curling them just right. All it took was to look at him for you to completely let go. 

Stars dotted your vision, and you whimpered, your entire body trembling. 

“Hyun—” You buried your face in his neck, a white hot flash overtaking you, travelling from your core to your heart, to your head. 

He was still grinding against you, faster now, lips hovering over yours, chasing a high you’d both been denied for far too long. And just seconds after, he let out a long drawn out moan, hips twitching up into you, eyes squeezed shut as he cursed, “Fuck”

For a few minutes, there was nothing but the sounds of your breaths. 

He was breathing deeply, and his hair was drenched, sweat dripping down his face, and neck and chest.

He opened his eyes. You wanted to cuddle up in his arms and go to sleep. From the look on his face, he wanted the same. You stared at each others state, and slowly he pulled his hand out of your jeans. Sweat trickled down his chin. It sparkled like glitter. You traced his jawline with your hands, soaking up the sweat into your skin.

You didn’t say anything, but he wrapped his arms tighter around your body. You gripped the front of his shirt, squeezing it in your grip. His heart was beating so fast. 

“You okay?” He asked you, his voice so gentle.

You hummed, and you felt drained, but you felt exhilarated too.

His hand rubbed your back, soothing you.

You tilt your head at him, “You?”

A smile pulled at his lips, “Yeah. I’m okay”

You traced his pecs through the shirt, not wanting him to leave. It was criminal for this feeling to end, and for this pleasure to not be yours everyday. Nothing had ever felt this good, and even in your post-coital haze, you wanted him more. 

So you blurted, “What if I did it anyway?”

“Did what?”

“What if…I moved to Seoul anyway? Maybe I could go there first…and look for a job later. I know it’s crazy and impulsive but I’ve always wanted to live there and—”

You trailed off, at his expression.

“Do you think it’s a stupid idea or something?” You chewed on your lower lip.

Hyunjin’s eyes followed that movement, and his thumb traced your mouth, “No …it’s not stupid at all. It’s what you’ve wanted for a few years, right?”

“It sounds crazy and impulsive…because I don’t even have a plan of what I’ll do, but maybe...that doesn’t matter”

Before he could speak up, his phone buzzed against the nightstand.

He glanced at it, and then to you.

Just at that minute, you heard the cab pull up. Hyunjin sighed, closing his eyes, and you got off his lap. He peeked through the blinds, “Fuck. He’s here”

“I should leave” You stood, gathering your things. There was no time to ask for his opinion anymore. Maybe he didn’t want to tell you it was a batshit insane idea.

“Hold on” He handed you his sweatshirt, the one that had dried by now, “It’s a cold walk out. You sure you’ll make it home safe?”

“Don’t worry about me” You told him, squeezing his sweatshirt in your hands, feeling silly for blurting out such a spontaneously dumb idea that made it very obvious how much you loved him.

A car door opened outside, and his manager must have stepped out. It was almost four in the morning. You were going to be leaving through the back. 

His manager couldn’t see you here. 

You’d already said your goodbyes, in the only way you knew how to.

You stepped out onto the patio, but Hyunjin grabbed your arm, urgency in his tone, “You should do it, Y/N”

You turned, confused, “Do what?”

The doorbell rang.

Hyunjin spoke quickly, “What you were just talking about. Even if you didn’t get into the program you wanted, you should move there. To Seoul”

Your eyes widened, tears filling up suddenly, and you quickly pulled him into another hug, and he stumbled into your embrace, “Thank you for saying that. I think it’d feel less scary with you there”

His lips brushed against your ear, “It’s the least I can do. Being here was less scary for me, only because of you”

He kissed you a rushed goodbye, but for the first time that night, your heart didn’t hurt anymore.

»»————-

Your morning passed in a daze. 

Time wasn’t real, as you lay on your bed, counting down the seconds until his train. Minutes stretched into hours into seconds, and you must have been more tired than you thought, because you woke up to drool on your pillow. 

The sun told you it was the afternoon. 

You’d fallen asleep in the clothes you wore to the drive-in theater. Your underwear was still wet, and reminded you of him. You were smiling to yourself like a crazy person, as you dressed yourself for work, and you put his sweatshirt on. It smelled just like him, and as you walked to work, the grass and the birds and the houses all remind you of him. 

Was it possible to fall even more in love with someone?

You were distracted, often drifting into thoughts of his moans, of the sensation of his hand in your pants, but it was frustrating because the man of your affections was moving miles away from you by the minute.

Hyunjin’s first text came at a precarious time.

You had been packing a pink acrylic canister for a customer, and the pings of your phone were so distinctive, you instantly knew it was him. It had to be Hyunjin, he must have already reached home, and you had to hold back an urge to text him back.

The phone buzzed incessantly against the glass countertop, and the lady in front of you raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry” You apologised for the ringing, “I forgot to put it on silent”

She didn’t really seem to care, “Can I try a paint swatch of the pink before you pack it up?”

“Of course” You unscrewed the cap, dipping a stray paintbrush into it, so you could show her how it showed up on paper, “Is that good?”

“Um, do you have a brighter one perhaps? I don’t think my daughter needs this one” 

You nodded, glancing behind her, “I think it’s in the third aisle”

A few more pings from your phone caught your attention.

It startled you, making you squeeze the bottle in your hands, and pink paint dripped onto your fingers and the countertop.

“Shit” You mumbled, wiping it clean with a tissue.

The customer was still busy browsing the aisles, and Mrs. Aera would be less than pleased to see you using your phone on your job, but…

It was just for a minute.

hyun

heyy

shit im sorry i couldn’t call earlier

It’s been crazy

but i just got to my dorm

i just wanted to let you know i made it 

and i was planning to paint in the train journey over, but i totally passed out lol

you

hey :)

I was just thinking of you

im so glad youre home safe <3

that sounds like something i would do ngl

keep me updated!

tell me everything in detail later please im dying

hyun

sent a photo

can you tell they missed me a lot

It was a picture of him at a stairwell, surrounded by three boys you’d come to recognise as Chan, Changbin and Jisung. They were smiling wide, teeth on display and Changbin was making a kissing face toward’s Hyunjin’s cheek, lips pouted and ready. 

Jisung was pulling at Hyunjin’s other cheek, and Chan was laughing to the side, eyes closed in pretty crescents. 

you 

they’re adorable lmao

did changbin actually kiss u haha?

In the picture you literally look like a kid embarrassed by his parents  

hyun 

they won’t let go of me ever since im back

and yeah changbin even insisted on sleeping in my bed tonight..?

i had to reassure them im not going away anytime soon 

but its sweet

what are you up to?

i hope you weren’t too tired for work 

“This pink seems like a good shade, does it not?” The customer brought you back to reality, placing a canister on the counter, and her gaze fell to the stained countertop, “What happened to your hands?”

Your screen was now tainted with pink fingerprint stains, but you didn’t care, smiling at the texts you just received. Maybe things would be okay, even when he was gone.

»»————-

 The first time he called you from the city, was when you were at the diner, and you almost fumbled your latte at the ringing. 

Seonmi raised a questioning eyebrow as you pushed your coffee cup aside.

You picked up faster than lightning. 

“Hi” You spoke, into your phone, sounding just a little out of breath.

“Hey” His voice sent shooting stars through your heart, igniting you with a newfound energy at only eight in the morning. It was hoarse, and smooth at the same time.

You’d only been texting each other the past few days, he’d been rightfully swept into the whirlwind of his life, and you’d been dying to know how he’d been. He’d given you little updates, about how it felt to move back in, to get back to his job, at how he was welcomed back by his fans so grandly. 

You’d watched his return on the news — the number of people who were there to greet him at the train station was insane, and you’d felt so proud of him. He told you that they had to close a major exit of the station, just because the company hadn’t expected that many people to show up. 

It was the first time you’d physically seen the impact he had, and it didn’t surprise you at all. People with pictures of him, banners, and slogans and signs in every language just to welcome him back from his hiatus.

He was so loved by so many people.

It’d be selfish to want to keep him just to yourself.

“Are you outside?”

“I was just grabbing coffee” You explained, pressing your phone to your ear to drown out the sounds of the diner. 

“Man, I miss The Grove’s coffee”

You twirled the cup in your hands, smiling, “It misses you too”

“I thought I’d call you when I had time. I’m headed straight to the studio after this. Guess what? The stylists love what I did with my hair, apparently the blonde is an old trend now anyway, and now they want to capture this while it’s still fresh”

You laughed, “What? You mean the cheap haircut you gave yourself?”

He chuckled, “Mmh. Something about it is raw, and apparently perfect for my comeback”

You spun on your chair, “Well, they certainly know how to make the best of a situation” 

“We’re recording till late tonight. With the new album, we’re on the clock almost all the time. We have just under two weeks to finish producing it”

“For the entire album? Is that enough?”

“It has to be” He said, “I don’t mind. It’s what I live for”

You bit your lip, anticipation coursing through you, “Can I hear it anytime soon?”

He grinned, “You’ll be the first one”

He kept his promise. 

That night, he sent you a video. 

It’s a snippet of him in the studio, and you keel at the thumbnail before you’ve even opened it. His hair was messy, like he’s straight out of bed before recording, and bulky headphones sat around his neck. 

You hear someone counting down in the background, and you wonder if that’s Chan, his producers, or someone else to help with the process. The instrumental is muted, so it’s just Hyunjin singing the backing vocals.

Eyes squeezed shut, he’s lost in the verse of the song. The cadence and tone of his voice so distinctly different from when he speaks. It’s sassy, and it’s harsh, and the cleanest rap you ever heard.

You stared in awe, earphones plugged in, sat behind the cash counter in your break, and then you watched it again, and again, until you’re called back to your shift.

You think about the video all the while you’re at the store, and you called him as soon as you’re out.

“You were so good, the verse has been stuck in my head for hours and you sound cocky as fuck, but it’s not an annoying cocky. How do you even do that?” You were belting out compliments for minutes now, and Hyunjin sat at the other end, accepting them with flushed cheeks. He was so shy right now, a stark contrast to his singing personality. 

“Stop. You make me sound better than I am. You should…be telling me to get better” He complained.

You laughed, “You’re literally already perfect at it”

“When you visit me, I’ll get you access to the studio. You can watch me record it in real time” He suggested.

The thought excites you, and you imagine watching him from the couch, through the observation window.

You imagine him coming out of the booth to take a break, all sweaty and exhausted, and he would put an arm around you. 

Perhaps you’re influenced by far too many 80s movies. Still, you imagine excessively making out with him in the recording studio until his assistants have to physically pull you off each other.

Yeah, considering the industry he’s in, that could never happen.

Over the next few days, he also sends you videos from the dance studio, and all of your feelings for him build on top of each other, like a Jenga tower destined to fall. Every day that passes, a new block is added, and you don’t know how lucky you had to be to bump into him in your life.

He dances just like he kisses, with purpose and intensity, a certain romance behind his moves, and you become guilty of obsessively rewatching the clips he sends you, finding new details every time. 

He wears simple sweatpants to the studio, and he ties his hair up into a bun, and all you want is to be there to kiss his sweat away, and reward him after his long days of work. 

It feels silly to fantasize about caring for him, like you’re a seventies housewife, but you can’t help it. You want to massage the knots from his back, brush the tangles out of his hair, and kiss him between every dance practice. 

You realise how much he’s taken over your life and thoughts, even when he’s miles away. You don’t tell him all of this, but some days you can’t help but blurt your thoughts out.

“You’re messing with me every time you send me another video” You complain to him, “How do you contain all of that talent in a singular body?”

He laughs, but he doesn’t stop. He sends you selfies of him every day from the practice room, and he’s always glistening with sweat in them, throwing up a cheesy peace sign, and it’s your new favourite picture, until he sends you another the very next day.

You sit on your bedroom floor, fiddling with the strings of your hoodie as you talk to him, “What’s your schedule like right now?”

He’s at the headquarters of a high-end international magazine, in the waiting room as he talks to you. You can’t help but feel special that he takes out this time for you, “Well, I stay in the recording studio till late, and when I’m home…I’m trying to paint as much as I can before passing the fuck out. I just started a few days ago but it helps me destress. It gives me time to think about what happened in my day. It’s so…cathartic”

You smiled, so glad he found time to paint again, “Are you cheating on Aera’s with that art shop in Hongdae?”

He laughed, “Yeah. The cashier’s pretty cute here too”

You roll your eyes, “Funny…I hope you’re still making time to eat”

“Yeah, Jisung is my self-appointed manager for the moment. They’re smothering me with love”

“What, he cooks for you?”

“God no, he’d burn the dorm down. He just gets me my favourite takeout. Man, I missed takeout so much I didn’t even realise. There’s a Thai place down the street, and I’m basically surviving on it”

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, Daejon isn’t boujee enough for a Thai restaurant”

He giggled, “I miss the hilltop bakery, although Chan introduced me to this cake shop. It opened just a month ago, it’s some European franchise but fuck if it isn’t the best pastries I’ve had”

You laughed, “It seems like you’re really enjoying yourself”

“Yeah. Everything’s really good”

“Yeah?” You stretch your legs out on your bedroom floor, and as you talk to him, you’ve been sketching in your notepad too, “How are the boys?”

He falls quieter, “Well…Jisung is still dealing with the fallout and backlash from that article. Did I ever tell you my company sued the media outlets who leaked the private information about him? All of his therapy notes and everything?”

“Yeonjun told me that there was some court case” You admitted, heart feeling heavy, “How’s that going?”

“It’s exhausting. There’s so many legal proceedings, but I have hope that Jisung will win the case”

You don’t know too much about this works, “Do you have to testify too?”

“If it comes to that, I will. Jisung wants me to stay out of that spotlight though. He says I’ve already been through enough with my hiatus”

You nod, “Then that’s probably for the best”

“I have to be careful though. The media seems to have a personal vendetta against us right now”

“God. That must be scary. Just take care of yourself”

“I am. Don’t worry. But the other day it was crazy, they surrounded our dorm and it made it impossible to leave”

Your eyes widen, “That doesn’t sound too safe. Can’t the company do something?”

He nods, “Our managers take care of it, but not much else can be done. The area outside our dorm is a public space. Legally, anybody can hang out there, and nothing can stop them from waiting for us”

You sighed, putting down your pencil, “You’re a saint for going through all of this, for your job”

He let out a bitter laugh, “It is my life, so I’m kind of used to it”

“That’s crazy” You mumble.

He nodded, “Hold on. They’re calling me in for the fitting now”

Your eyes widened, the prospect of him dressed up exciting you already, “Did they already show you the outfits you have to wear?”

He hummed, “They told me the theme too. You’ll love it.”

“Tell me”

He laughed, “I gotta go”

“Wait, what?” You protest, but he hangs up before telling you.

The pictures arrived at an unassuming time, catching you off guard.

Hyunjin had sent you ten different photos. You’d been wondering what the theme could have been for the past few hours, but it became very obvious as you scrolled through them all.

2000s fashion. 

Of fucking course.

In the first photo that you see, he was in a cropped jacket, the fabric shimmering under the changing room lights. His phone was held in front of his face, hiding his features and his hair was pushed back by a hairband. He still managed to make it look so sexy.

You stopped everything you were doing, scrolling through the myriad of pictures and outfits he’d bombarded you with.

The denim jeans fit snugly on his hips, patchwork across the thighs. 

You scrolled to the last one, and the jacket was unzipped. You realised why he’d said you would love it. He revealed a cropped baby blue t-shirt, with rhinestones across the hem. The shirt rose enough to show his bellybutton piercing and clenched abs.

You held your breath, staring at the pictures. A thin choker adorned his neck too, and he was slightly smirking in the picture.

He wanted you dead.

you:

wow.

hyun

is that all?

the photoshoot just ended so im going back

you:

i don’t really know what else to say

you look really fucking hot…like you’re so gorgeous in that

the outfit is…perfect on you

but i can’t imagine you ever wearing it here

it’s not your style, right?

hyun:

haha 

you know me so well

i really hate crop tops lol

but …

you

but?

hyun

i know you too :)

so i took a picture just for you

He sent it to you, making your heart stop.

In it, he was sat on the fitting room bench, legs spread. But this time…the rhinestone choker wasn’t around his neck anymore.

It was held between his teeth. 

It was so fucking sexy, you sat up in bed, staring at it, a feeling shooting through your body. You have to remind yourself how to breathe. You don’t reply for a few minutes, and he texts you again.

hyun

what, you have nothing to say now?

He’s so fucking cocky, but it makes you dizzy.

you

i hate you for that picture

hyun 

haha

i knew you’d love it 

»»————-

The next few days were a blur, and you felt a frenzied mess, like you were falling in love with him all over again. 

Hyunjin in Daejon was…a sweetheart, but Hyunjin in Seoul…was a fucking menace. 

You don’t know what it was that changed.

He’d tease you more often, exuding a calm confidence that tortured you at nights. 

Even though you couldn’t talk to him as often, the moments that you did were special. He’d send you pictures, snippets of his day, voice messages about how the album was going or random things the boys did at the dorm.

You lived through him.

In turn, you sent him parts of your life.

The way the sunset set perfectly against the Creek, the exorbitantly rich guests at the Château that were dressed to the nines, the sketches you drew and left unfinished but still sent him.

You found out through Seungmin that Hyunjin had donated all of his leftover paints to The Château, which were worth hundreds of dollars, just so they wouldn’t go to waste while he was away. You were once again, struck by how kind he was to have thought of that.

On mundane nights, he’d send you audio recordings of their unreleased songs, pictures from the studio of him, headphones slung around his neck, tired and weary eyes.

You tried to keep each other updated, not that there was much happening in your life at the moment. Still, you’d send him pictures of you with Yeonjun, of the store, of his favourite order at the diner. 

Every notification, every ping on your phone would send lightning through your veins, knowing it was him on the other end. 

In the days that followed, you heard his voice less, and instead read about his day in wrapped-up summary text messages, paragraphs that flowed for hours, leaving you to scroll through your phone. You’d make it a habit to sit in your favourite booth in the diner, as your paper straw turned soggy in the milkshake, you’d type out every single one of your thoughts. 

Vicariously, he lived through it too.

Your texts with him flowed like a personal diary, a newsletter on all the gossip in Daejon. You told him about the time you bumped into Hana at the diner, and she smiled at you, and you didn’t know what to do.

Somehow, he feels guilty for the rift between you and her, but you tell him it’s not his fault. If your friendship could be broken up by just a boy, it clearly wasn’t strong enough.

But then the next time you see her at the diner, she comes and sits across you.

You’re so shocked that you can barely process it, and she seems unsure too.

“Is there something wrong?” You asked her.

“Does something have to be wrong for me to talk to you?” She replied.

You shrugged, “Considering the last time we spoke—”

“I heard Hyunjin left town. Are you okay?”

You frown, feeling defensive, “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You two were close” She stated, obviously, “Everybody in town knows that”

Maybe it’s your closeness with Hyunjin that makes you feel brave.

You want to say something mean. 

You want to say something honest. 

Everybody in town also thinks he cheated on her with you, after everything she said at the Lakehouse party. 

After she yelled at you in front of everyone.

But you’re past that, so you don’t say it.

“I don’t really care what everybody in town thinks”

It’s tamer than what you had in mind, but it has the same intended effect.

Her eyebrows shoot up, and she’s clearly not expecting that response.

“That doesn’t sound like you” She finally said.

“Yeah, well maybe you don’t know who I am anymore. You haven’t talked to me in months”

“I’m sorry. Yeonjun coming back to town threw me off the loop. You know I never got over him”

“That doesn’t mean you can just take it out on me. I told you that night that…that I got rejected from an apprenticeship I’ve always wanted. You didn’t even ask me about that”

She sighed, running her hands through her hair, “I’m sorry, okay? I don’t really know what you want me to say. I’m not gonna apologise for being upset”

“That’s not what I’m asking you to do, Hana” 

“Then what are even saying? It’s been weeks since that fight. I thought you’d moved on from it”

You stare at her. The innocence in her big eyes, the curls in her hair, the princess corset top she had on. It doesn’t affect you anymore. You used to get so hurt by the things she said. So personally offended. You want to confront her, and tell her about it. You want her to know that she hurt you, but you’re so sick of drama, and of confrontations.

Right now, you feel past it. 

The past few months and all of the things she said still hurt you, and maybe one day you can make things up with her. You just don’t think that day is today.

So you stood up, and she stared at you, confused.

Grabbing your bag and sketchbook, you mumbled, “You’re right, Hana. I have moved on from this”

»»————-

One day, Hyunjin sends you a new painting he worked on.

It’s a vase of flowers. Dahlia.  

It’s rendered beautifully. The shadows, the texture of the petals, and the lighting on the glass.

“When do you even get the time?” As soon as he called you, you asked him, “You’re getting so much better, Hyunjin. I’m serious, like the art you made here…this is already on another level from that”

He smiled, “Are you proud of me?”

“Of course”

“Can you tell me how I can get better?”

You don’t feel too worthy of sharing your knowledge, and you tell him that. After all, you’re not an expert or anything. 

He shuts you down instantly.

“You’ve been painting since before you could talk” He replied, “I want your opinion, Y/N”

You sighed, staring at the picture, “I think your shadows are getting better. Have you tried using a wider brush for the water, with thick bristles? I think the ripples will blend much easier”

“Really?” He asked, “I think right now, it looks too fake somehow”

“Yeah, but I think that’s because you’ve drawn out every wave and the lines are too sharp. Try blending the edges so it fades naturally, okay?”

“Okay, I’m gonna try that this weekend”

“I’m really glad you make time to paint, Hyunjin”

He laughed, “It’s a necessity. I lose myself in it, and it’s just me and the canvas for all those hours. Nothing else matters”

“Sounds familiar” You smiled, “Maybe one day, if you have time, we can paint on video call together”

And then he called you that very weekend.

The computer screen illuminated your face and his, as you painted in the dead of the night. You were set up in your bedroom, an assortment of paintbrushes and watercolours surrounding you. You painted with your fingers, often getting distracted by Hyunjin across the screen. 

His space was cleaner, more organised because he had less space to work with. A bag of chips lay at your side and you pushed your hand into it, lazily munching on it as you watched him frown over a color choice. 

“I think you’re going to love the song I’m working on with Chan” He said, after a while.

“Yeah?” 

“It’s…a sexy, contemporary kind of R&B. I can imagine you liking it”

You only have one, predictable question, “When can I hear it?” 

He laughed, “We’re still writing it”

You hummed, focusing on blending the ocean in your canvas, dabbing at your canvas to experiment with a new style. You savour the moments, because he hardly has this time.

“Can I say something cheesy?” He asked, and you look up to see that he’s sipping on some drink. A fancy cocktail that Chan probably made him. In the back, you can see his bed, and his things, and you wish you can see his room in Seoul. 

You want to know what he decorates it with, and what clutter he has there.

“Yeah?”

The way he’s leaning over his webcam, you can see into his shirt. The navy button-up is loose, and the top few buttons are undone. The sleeves are rolled up, which was probably a good decision since his arms are stained with pink paint. His hands are busier too, with more rings and more bracelets on them.

Hyunjin’s more boujee in the city too.

His cheeks are suddenly red as he confesses, “When I get stuck in the middle of the writing process, I think of you, and it really helps”

You sat up on your knees, cherishing this new bit of information, “What do you think about?”

He flushed, “You know…just our time together. Chan teases me about it. He says you’re my muse or whatever”

He doesn’t say much more, but he’s so shy so you don’t ask. You don’t react as much as you want to either. You want to jump, or scream, or kick your feet giggling. 

It’s a moment you etch into your brain forever.

You’re his muse, and it’s fitting because he’s always been yours.

As the hour passed, your focus grew, and you almost forgot he was on the other side. Almost.

Hyunjin is focused too, and he’s humming a familiar tune. The call lasts for over two hours, and it’s the most you’ve talked to him recently. 

When you’re both done, you show him your canvas; he shows you his, and you marvel at his improvement. He’s painted a beautiful lighthouse, ocean waves crashing into the rocks, and he explained every color choice to you. 

You could hear him talk about his art forever, and you sit in awe, as he expressed his reasoning behind every aspect. He’s gotten so much better at art, and he’s really a prodigy. 

You then do the same, lifting your canvas up to show him the landscape, and he leans in really close to the camera, eyes wide as he takes it in.

“That’s beautiful” He mumbles, still staring at your painting, “I don’t know how you do it so well every time”

You smiled, because art was your favourite thing in the world, and Hyunjin complimenting it made your heart swell.

He was suddenly smiling, and he said, “I…also visited an art gallery last week. I met someone” 

Your eyebrows shot up, and your smile fell so fast.

People only said that in one specific context. When they were into someone.

“You met someone?”

“Yeah” Hyunjin smiled, “She’s…this prodigy. Chan introduced me to her, she’s so young and she’s actually the owner of the entire place and guess what she said to me?”

You didn’t want to know.

“I don’t know” You replied, hoping your indifference wasn’t visible.

“She said one day I could display my own work up there. Isn’t that fucking insane? I mean, I just started out with art”

“How does she know your work?” 

He didn’t comment on your lack of excitement, but he just said, “Oh, Chan showed it to her. I was embarrassed, but it was worth it”

“That’s really nice of her” 

He nodded, “Yeah. She was really sweet. And oh! The reason I’m telling you this was because she used to intern for Kim Jieong, maybe she can help you out with the--”

“No, it’s okay” You’re quick to interrupt.

He then asked why you haven’t applied to another apprenticeship again. 

You put aside your paint supplies, you’d lost motivation anyway. You dragged your laptop onto your bed, as you told him, “I told you. I’m not really confident, and I’m not looking forward to another rejection”

He stopped you before you can continue, “You’ve got nothing to lose then. Please, at least try. For me”

He’s sleepy, and his eyes kept closing, but he stayed up just to convince you.

You sighed, “Fine. I’ll apply, but don’t expect anything, please. You’ll be disappointed”

“You could never disappoint me” 

»»————-

Your days unfolded with a slow pace, summer fading away into the months of autumn. 

You found solace in your friends — in movie nights with Minho, in spending time with Yeonjun before he had to go back to work. After all, there was only so long he could be on vacation for. He had to go back to where he belonged. 

It was easier to not miss Hyunjin when you were occupied, busy with your endless shifts, navigating between finding time to paint but also to enjoy the leftovers of summer. 

The night they finished recording the album, Hyunjin called you drunk.

You’d seen him tipsy on a few occasions, but never like this.

He was laughing about something when you picked up, talking to other people at the party. The background was loud, and you struggle to hear anything. 

“Hyun?” 

“Guess what?” He asked you.

“What?”

“We finished the album. Like, for real. Every track is actually ready” He announced, and you hear a cacophony of sounds in the background, “We’re at my manager’s apartment, all of us, and the whole crew. It feels so fucking good”

“Congratulations” You smile, “That’s…really cool”

“Jisung made me drink…far too much” He giggled, “I liked the wine though, Chan found it in this cool store but then me and Binnie…we did body shots, and guess what? Chan fucking did body shots too! It was so insane. He also invited the girl from the art gallery, which is so funny. Apparently, she has connections in our industry too. She’s the daughter of --” 

“Wait, you did body shots?” You interrupted him, not really wanting to hear about the very successful artist prodigy girl in his life.

“It was insane. Just like Seungmin told us”

You could tell he was walking around the room, because he’d randomly trail off and talk to someone.

The more he rambled on the other side of the phone, the more you wished you were by his side. He must be standing near the speakers, because suddenly his voice would get drowned out by the music.

“I…can’t hear you, Hyun” You spoke, snuggling into your blanket. 

Your bed was the stark contrast of where he was right now; in a room full of pounding music, and you wondered what kind of parties they even had, or how wild they were. If they did body shots, they must already be pretty wild.

“Sorry” He apologised, walking off to a quieter area, “Can you hear me now?”

“Yeah, I can”

“Fuck. I miss you so fucking much” He suddenly mumbled, voice dropping, “Why aren’t you here?”

“I miss you too” Your heart squeezed, “But you should get back to the party—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is that Y/N?” A loud voice interrupted, and you heard a loud struggle on the other end, making you pull back from the phone.

“Give me the phone back, Changbin!” Hyunjin yelled.

You sat up in bed, “Hello?”

“Hey!” Changbin’s voice was louder than you expected, and he sounded really drunk too, “You must be the girl who stole him away from us for months and months. I have every reason to hate you”

“Stop!” Hyunjin spoke in the background, “Don’t announce it to the entire party”

“Now you’ve taken him back though” You replied to Changbin.

“Eh, you’re right” He laughed, “So tell me, on a scale of 1 to 10—”

“Changbin, give me my phone back!” Hyunjin sounded exasperated, and you could imagine them running after each other.

“Let me finish!” He groaned, and then his voice became clearer again, “On a scale of 1-10, how big of a dumbass is Hwang Hyunjin for—?”

“Fuck. Is that her?” Another person interrupted in the background, and you felt overwhelmed by the multitude of voices. 

“Jisung, can you please ask him to give me my phone back?” Hyunjin sounded annoyed now, voice further.

“I’m sorry, this prick won’t let me talk to you for five whole minutes!” Changbin apologised, and you’d never met him but his energy seemed exactly like you’d imagined.

Still, you could hear Jisung in the background, struggling after the phone, and it made you feel special. They were miles away at a fucking album party, but gave their attention to you.

“Is that Hyunjin’s girlfriend?”

Your eyes widened at the word.

Hyunjin’s frustrated drawl interrupted, further away from the speaker but you still heard it, “Stop, Jisung. She’s just my friend. How many times do I have to say that, and don’t announce it to the party!”

Your smile faded, stupidly. He was right. 

“Then I can have her?” Changbin interrupted.

There was another scuffle, until Hyunjin was at the phone again, “Hey, I’m so sorry. They…took you hostage”

A breathy chuckle followed, drowned out by his friends laughs in the background.

“That’s okay. Don’t worry about it” You fiddled with your blanket, “You should enjoy the party, Hyun”

“No, no, I called you because I missed you”

“I can’t really even hear you” You spoke, “We can just talk tomorrow. Please just have a good time tonight, okay?”

“All right. I’ll call you later” Hyunjin spoke, like he was distracted by someone.

“Who are you talking to you?” An unknown voice interrupted, and you guessed they were probably talking to Hyunjin.

And you heard Hyunjin mumble, “Nobody” before he hung up.

You laid back in bed, and it was too quiet, and you felt lonelier than ever.

»»————-

Fallen leaves drifted in the pool, from the canopy up above. One drifts towards you, and you picked it up in your hands, watching the water seep through the half-eaten leaf. It’s orange.

“The leaves are already changing color…or is it just me?”

“It’s just you” Minho answered, and you roll your eyes.

“What are you doing here all by yourself?” He asked, swimming over to you, “The rest of the party is over there”

“I’m not really interested in playing” You told him, looking over to where everyone indulged in a pool volleyball game.

“So you’re out here looking at leaves. God, I’m lucky to be your best friend”

“Shut up” You shove him, and he laughs, falling into the water.

As soon as he resurfaces, he splashes you.

“Don’t be annoying, Minho” You mumbled, rubbing the saltwater out from your eyes.

“You’re no fun” He grumbles, and lays on his back to float in the water.

You stare at the leaves floating around you again, drifting into a pattern, and a sole flower is in between them. A dahlia.

“Can’t believe summer is almost over” You remark.

“You sure made the most of it though, Y/N” He smiled, eyes squinting against the bright overhead sun. You don’t respond, and he lifts his head to look at you.

“What?” He asked, “You can’t deny that it’s the most eventful summer we’ve ever had”

You peered down at your nails, the paint was chipping off, “Right. Losing my best friends sure is memorable”

“You didn’t lose them, Y/N”

You gestured to the space around you, that usually would be occupied by Hana or Felix, “I don’t see them here”

Minho sighed, swimming closer to you, “What’s got you in such a mood?”

You shook your head, feeling silly for feeling this way, “Nothing” 

He rolled his eyes, “Tell me”

You sighed, fixing the straps of your bikini to avoid looking him in the eye, “Hana tried to talk to me a few days ago. She wanted to fix things, but I didn’t. Does that make me a horrible person?”

“Do you feel like a horrible person?”

You looked up at him, “No. I…chose my peace over another fight. I think I made the right decision”

“You knew the answer to that already, Y/N. Then what is bothering you?”

“Fine. Hyunjin called me last night, from the release party” 

“And that’s a bad thing…why?”

“Not really, I guess it put things into perspective. He’s…out there being successful and celebrating that success, and I’m here, doing absolutely nothing.”

“You’re at a pool party with me. That’s not nothing”

“You know what I mean” You sighed, leaning against the pool wall, “He’s probably even going to display his stuff at an art gallery soon. Some girl fell in love with his art…and he’s always busy…in a totally insane location, or doing something so fucking cool, and I’m in the stupid art shop”

His texts have been less than frequent. You understand, because he’s swamped with work. The press tour has been underway for a week now, and if he wasn’t at some fancy magazine building, he was probably holed up in the studio for re-recordings. There’s still time till the album's release, and if you know anything about the band, they’re perfectionists. They’ll work themselves to the bone, till the end.

“Well, yeah. He’s…an idol, with a crazy fucking life. You’re living a normal life. He would probably give everything to exchange places with you, and not have anything to do”

“I guess you’re right” You realised, and you glance up to see Yeonjun.

He’s laughing loudly, sunglasses on his head, as he throws the ball to the other team. He’s leaving soon, and this pool party is a going away gift. After all, he’s the only one of your friends with a pool. Yeonjun looks happy, and beautiful in the sun. It was low-key, exactly like Yeonjun wanted it, and you’re so glad Minho and him are on talking terms again.

“And I don’t believe you. That’s not why you’re upset” Minho spoke, blocking the boy from your view.

“Why can’t you just take my word for it?”

“Because I know when you’re lying to me. So tell me, what’s got you being so bitchy to your only friend within 35 miles?”

“Ouch!” He yelled, when you pushed him again.

“Stop being a smartass”

“You’ve been floating on cloud nine the past few weeks, what’s wrong now?”

You stare back at Yeonjun, as he dives to retrieve his sunglasses, and his other friends are teasing him.

“I never told you but I applied to an apprenticeship in the city” You blurted.

Minho’s eyebrows shot up, “What? Today?”

“No…a few months ago. At the start of summer” 

His brows were furrowed, confused, “Oh”

“That’s kind of why I’ve been working all these jobs…so I could save up one day and move to the city”

He swam closer to you, “Why are you telling me this now?”

You shrugged, and the water feels nice and calm around you, “I thought you’d hate me for it”

He’s quiet for a few minutes, “That’s not true. I’d like to think I’ve grown from when Yeonjun left. I mean I’m at his party right now. Isn’t that saying a lot?”

You smiled at him, “That’s probably why I’m telling you now”

Minho laughed, “So did you get it?”

“Nope” You sighed, “I wasn’t good enough for it”

“What, so you’ve given up already?”

You frowned, “No, but I’m still waiting on them to hear back. I contacted them again regarding my application”

Minho smiled, “Hyunjin knows, right?”

“Yeah”

“Of course he knows. You tell him literally everything. I’m gonna have to fight him one day”

You laughed, “I’d pay to see that”

He reaches forward, picking out a leaf stuck in your hair, “You really miss him, huh?”

“I hate texting him. It’s so impersonal and distant”

“Have you video-called him?”

You sighed, “Through my shitty computer screen, yeah”

“I think you need a vacation, Y/N” He laughs.

“I’ve been on vacation, like for months”

“No, I mean a vacation, away from your job, away from Daejon. Just go see him”

Your eyes widen and you looked at him, “Isn’t that a bit crazy? I mean, we’re not dating”

He rolled his eyes, leaning back in to float, “The day you stop worrying about what other people think, is the day you’ll live a much better life, Y/N”

He then begins talking about other things, but his words stick in your head, and an idea begins to form.

»»————-

You help Yeonjun pack, and on his last night in town, you sit on his couch again, talking about everything that was. He tells you of his consistent fights with Hana, and his efforts to rekindle their relationship which went in vain. It’s strange to think he came back to town, just to make things right with her.

He tells you that him and Hana have grown apart, and perhaps they were never meant to be together. 

He says that he’s letting Hana go, and it’s a bittersweet moment which you drink to. 

You think nothing could make you let go of Hyunjin.

When you get really tipsy, you fantasise of him even more, and scroll back through your chats, reading his old texts, smiling to yourself. Yeonjun catches you, and calls you a hopeless romantic, and you’ve never thought of yourself that way, but it rings true. 

You both lay in bed, and you talk until he has to go, and you realise how much you hate goodbyes.

»»————-

The next time Hyunjin texted you, you were sat at the steps of the art shop, waiting for the rain to pass. 

hyun

hey

sorry ive been filming all day

you

ohh, what have you been filming?

didn’t the album recording finish last week?

hyun

ah no the press tour is still left 

you

oh right, sorry I have no idea how this stuff works lol

hyun

right now we’re doing some promo content for a teen magazine 

after this we still need to go to a music video shoot

It’s for an american talk show

isn’t that crazy?

you

wow…

you’re going to be so popular

but i hope you can get some sleep

hyun

we’re filming till 4 am tonight

i doubt it

what are you up to?

you

um im stuck at aeras because of the rain :/

i always forget to carry an umbrella

hyun

you miss me?

You stared at the text, tears inexplicably filling your eyes, and you don’t know why.

It had only been a few weeks since he was gone, yet it felt like he was drifting away.

Of course you missed him.

You missed him an insane amount, and ever since he’d been gone, you’d been going through the motions of daily life, not even really enjoying anything.

He was so far away. 

You’d tried to not let the sadness overtake you, because it was silly and childish.

You missed his calming voice, and his hand in yours, and the taut string of tension between you every time you met.

You missed the uncertainty of Hyunjin.

The not-knowing.

With him, you could never tell. It could be a mundane afternoon, until it wasn’t. Until his hands were around you, and you were kissing, and you knew it was so wrong to be attached to that.

Your phone buzzed, and he was calling you, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Hey” You mumbled, your voice softer and shakier than you intended.

“Is everything okay…?”

“Yeah” You swallowed, “Sorry, I was just about to reply”

“No, don’t worry. I just got worried. I thought—” He trailed off.

“What did you think?”

“I thought I crossed a boundary…or something”

You paused, trying to comprehend his words. All he’d done was ask you if you missed him. How could that be a boundary when you and Hyunjin had said so much more? Done so much more? 

Was missing each other not even okay anymore? Was it too much for him?

Another sob threatened to break at the implication.

“Y/N? Are you still there?” He asked, voice soft and calm, not knowing the storm it brewed inside you.

You mumbled, “Yes, I’m here”

“Okay” He spoke, letting you breathe.

“I’m sorry, I just…I guess I miss you more than I thought I would” You admitted, hoping it wouldn’t be too much for him. That it wouldn’t push him away.

“Oh” 

“Yeah”

“I…miss you too, Y/N” 

It calmed your racing heart.

“I wish I could see you” You fumbled through the words, “It’d make me feel so much…better”

Hyunjin was quiet for a while, “I’m sorry”

“It’s…not your fault” A smile graced your lips, because he had no reason to apologise for your lives being so separate from each other.

“It is. I’m sorry I’ve been away…I got really caught up with everything here. Seeing my friends again, having this life back, it was more overwhelming than I thought. But don’t worry…I’m doing really well here”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve been painting a lot more when I’m free, or when I’ve had a horrible day”

Your heart clenched at his tone, and the implication that it was only a few weeks since he was gone but he’d already had multiple horrible days. 

“Yeah? I’m glad it helps. That means…coming home wasn’t a waste”

“A waste?” He repeated, confused, “Why would you say that?”

You pulled at your laces, watching the rain fall at your footsteps, “Nothing, Hyunjin. It doesn’t matter”

“You seem…upset. Did I say something wrong?”

You pulled your knees up to your chest, away from the pitter patter of the drops, “I told you. I really wish you were here. I know it’s impossible”

“Yeah…”

“This morning, I was watching the news…about Jisung’s trial. How’s it going?”

“It’s…okay. He’s so tired already, he kind of just wants to settle but the company lawyers are pushing for more”

“I’m sorry. That sounds so exhausting” You bite your lip, because their lives are already as stressful as they could get, and this legal battle plays in the backdrop like a nuisance.

“They’re also restricting a lot of shit for us. We have to be careful each time we step out in public, and Jisung even has to monitor every phone call…same with Chan and Kairi”

“How long is it going to last?”

“Hopefully not too long, but anyway, that’s not important right now at all. You sound upset. How are you?” He asks, voice becoming softer all of a sudden.

You fear you’re going to sound like a broken record if you tell him you miss him again. These days you seem to fill all your silences with just those words. Would he get sick of hearing them? Is this how long distance relationships are like? Endlessly telling each other you miss them, but never being able to do anything about it.

Instead, you end up saying something absolutely crazy, “Hyun, can I come see you?”

You don’t intend for the words to leave your brain, much less your mouth. In fact, you didn’t even know you were going to say them. You haven’t had time to plan, but Minho’s conversation rings through you. You’ve been saving up to go to Seoul your whole life. You can spare a vacation. It would be worth it if it means you see him.

Hyunjin is quiet, and then he breaks the silence with a chuckle, “W-what?”

“Um, sorry that sounds out of nowhere. I just…I really want to meet you. I miss you, and it sounds like you’re going through a lot. Maybe it’ll help” You trail off, leaving the suggestion up in the air.

“I…I’m not sure, Y/N”

You nod, because it is crazy, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Fuck, I’m so sorry but I…I don’t think I can meet you. Right now, with everything that’s going on, I honestly don’t have the time and…” He trails off.

You nod again, “Yeah. I understand”

“I’m sorry”

“It’s okay. It’s bad timing”

“It’s bad timing” He repeats, yet his tone is definitive and final.

You can’t seem to see a time in the future which would get better. After the album release, he was going to go on a press tour, and then start preparing for the next album, the music videos, the solo photoshoots…the world tour.

Hyunjin was never going to have time for this, and your throat becomes clogged with a broken dream.

He sighed, softly, “How are you going to get home then, if it’s raining?”

“I’ll wait it out”

“What if it rains till morning?”

You smiled, your silence saying enough.

“I’ll stay with you” He says.

Your brows shot up, “What? Don’t you have…a schedule or an interview to get to?”

His voice came in softly, “It doesn’t matter. I’ll stay with you, till the rain ends”

Now, you wished it would never end.

»»————-

The incessant abuse of your doorbell woke you up. It had been pressed countless times, and it was half past nine. 

Why the hell would anybody come to see you this early?

Last night, Hyunjin had stayed on the call as you’d walked home by yourself. You didn’t talk the whole way, of course. In between, he would be quiet, and you’d only hear the rustling of papers and his pencil as he sketched away in his condominium. You’d hear his breaths, and occasionally, he’d say something. 

In moments like this, he was a man of few words. You appreciated that, because it was nice, to just exist with him. Although, you were slightly embarrassed at how many times you told him you missed him.

Turning over in your bed, you pushed the pillow over your head to make the noise disappear. 

A buzzing of your phone, followed by another short bursts of the doorbell made you sit up.

Who could be here to see you, so urgently, and so fucking impatiently?

“What the hell” You mumbled, getting out of bed, and rushing barefoot on the cold tiles, to answer, and in your sleepy daze you hoped it was him. That by some miracle, Hyunjin had heard your wishes and come to see you.

On the other side of the door, with bagels in hand, stood Felix. 

A hood pulled over his head to protect from the rain, he certainly looked a vision. 

Your sleep disappeared, in lieu of confusion, “Yongbok?”

He smiled, perfect teeth on display, “Morning. I…see that you were still asleep”

You hugged yourself, realising how exposed you were in your sleep shorts and tank. Although that had never been a problem around him before, “I mean yeah…it’s barely ten”

He cocked his head, “It’s almost noon”

“What?” Your heart dropped, “You’re kidding me”

“I’m really not” He laughed, and then said, “Are you going to let me in? It’s freezing out here”

You realised he was standing in the pouring rain, and you stepped back, “Oh, of course”

You still didn’t know what he was doing here, but years of friendship fell back into place and you let him in.

He pulled the hood off, shaking his hair to get the water out, and looked apologetic, “Sorry, I just showed up. I did try texting you, and I thought you’d be awake”

“I got in late last night” You told him, still standing against your open door, watching Felix in your foyer.

“Oh, were you stuck because of the rain? You could have called me, I’d have come picked you up” 

“No, that’s okay. I was on a call”

Realisation crossed his features, “Right. How is he?”

Slight irritation coursed through you, “I didn’t say it was him”

Felix nodded, looking genuinely apologetic, “Sorry. My mistake.”

But of course, he was right because it was Hyunjin you were talking to, but you wouldn’t admit that now, and you held back a groan. 

His eyes flickered over your body, “Why are you still standing at the door? You’ll catch a cold”

“What are you doing here?” You hugged yourself tighter, well-aware that you didn’t even have a bra on, “The last time I saw you, you said you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore”

His eyebrows shot up, and he stared at you.

For a second, you did regret it. It was too early to fight. It was too beautiful a morning for this.

Until he laughed, nervously, “Um…that’s not what I meant. Is that what you got from it?”

You frowned, “What?”

He shook his head, “Um, I guess I really didn’t get the point across. I thought you understood me that night. Isn’t that why you’re avoiding me?”

Your head hurt, “I’m not avoiding you…You’re confusing me, Felix. It’s too early for this”

“I’m sorry, you’re right. Hey, look, why don’t you get dressed, and take a shower, and I can make us some coffee…and heat up these bagels by then? After that, maybe we could talk?”

“Talk about what?”

You couldn’t understand him.

“About everything. I realise I’ve been apologising for my actions, but never really explaining why I acted that way this whole time”

But he had been your friend your entire life…so you would hear him out now.

»»————-

He sat at your breakfast table, warm bagels laid out across a plate, with two hot cups of coffee.

You sat across him, pulling your feet up, eyeing his movements.

It wasn’t alien to you…this kindness of his. He had done this countless times before, showed up at your house uninvited, but this time was different, of course.

“I really am sorry for waking you up. I genuinely thought you’d be awake, I thought you had a shift at Aera’s”

“I haven’t had a shift at Aera’s on Tuesday, ever” You responded.

“Oh” He laughed, “Maybe I should have memorised your work schedule back when you started working there…I guess I always assumed it was a temporary job”

You bit into a bagel, unable to hold back your hunger, and it instantly melted in your mouth. A rush of endorphins flooded through you, and you sat back for a minute, letting the taste sit with you, letting your body wake up.

Felix watched you, a soft smile on his face, “You like them?”

“You didn’t have to bake these for me” You spoke, staring at your feet, perched on the chair.

“But I did” He reached his hand out, across the table, “How are you doing?”

You glanced up at him, “I’m…fine”

He frowned, “Your eyes are all swollen. I know what that means”

You pulled your hand back from his, “It’s nothing. I’m just tired of summer”

He sat back, eyebrows raised, “Those are words I never thought I’d hear from you”

“Well…you won’t really understand, Lix”

He slid the cup of coffee towards you, “Try me” 

You stared at him, eyes flickering between his, and then reached forward for the cup, “I don’t know. I feel tired of everything lately. I don’t really want to make an effort to go out. I go to work, and back, and so on. It’s kind of a futile existence”

“I go to the Creek every night. You can come with me”

You hugged yourself, “Yeah, but I just feel like there’s more I should be doing”

His tongue poked his cheek, “You mean…that art apprenticeship” 

You glanced up at him, heart heavy, “I lost that”

“I’m sorry. You could have told me, you know?”

You’ve been hearing that a lot recently, but you know keeping it a secret was the only way it could have worked. He said he would have understood, but you knew him better than that.

“I was afraid of losing you, but…” You laughed, “That happened anyway”

He shook his head, pulling his chair closer to yours, “At the drive-in theatre, when I said I didn’t want us to be friends again…I didn’t mean it like that. There was more I wanted to say, which I couldn’t”

“Wow, you’re really getting right to it”

He laughed, “What? So, would you prefer we talk about nonsense for another hour? I know why I’m here, I’d feel better if you know too”

You weren’t sure you wanted to hear this, but you nodded, “Keep going”

“I guess what I wanted to say was…” He paused, and when your eyes met his, you realised he was actually nervous.

“Yeah?”

His eyes squeezed shut, and then opened, “I was really fucking jealous”

“Of…what?”

He laughed, a sound you’d loved all these years, “Of…Hyunjin. Obviously. Who else?”

“Felix…we talked about this. You have nothing to be jealous about. Just because he’s in my life now, does not mean you can’t be”

He laughed, “No, that’s not what I’m jealous of. I don’t really care if he’s in your life”

“Then what?” 

He sighed, leaning forward, and this angle put him in the path of sunlight. It lit up his face, highlighting the freckles splashed across his nose bridge, and his cheeks, and you saw his lips part to form the words, “You love him.”

Confusion arising, you frowned, “Felix—”

“Let me finish” He laughed, “It’s…been obvious for months”

You were embarrassed, to say the least.

He tilt his head, “Has it not been obvious to you?” 

Your face flushed, from the frustration and the embarrassment, “What, my feelings for him?”

“No. My feelings for you"

He said it so simply.

So fucking simple, and you couldn’t even react.

You sat there, looking at him.

Putting together his words in your mind. Again. And Again.

You misheard him. You had to.

“Yongbok”

“It is what you think it is” He paused, “I really thought that you knew”

“You…” A nervous laugh escaped you, and it wasn’t your proudest moment, “You have feelings for me? You’re fucking with me, right?”

You wanted to ask why. But you didn’t.

“Since when?”

“I don’t know” He leaned back, “I…didn’t really realise it until, well, this summer”

“Oh”

“Yeah” He swallowed, “But I know that you don’t feel the same, and I was acting stupid. It was dumb of me”

You stared at him and don’t know how you didn’t realise this. How did you not put two and two together? You felt so fucking dumb for missing all the hints, and all the clues. 

“Yongbok. I…um, I don’t know what to say. Sorry, I’m just…overwhelmed and confused”

"You don’t have to say anything” He laughed, “You’re like…my best friend in the fucking universe. I know that doesn’t sound like much, because I mean, we’re twenty and best friends makes it sound like we’re in elementary, but it’s true. You’re literally the most consistent person in my life, and I’m always fucking happy around you. Not just happy, but at peace. I’m happy with Hana, and Minho, and Eunbi too, but with you, it’s like I’m home.”

You couldn’t look him in the eye, “Felix…”

“I’m sorry for all the times I yelled at you. I’m fucking terrible at holding back my frustration, and I was still navigating my…emotions. I could lie and say I never meant to hurt you when we had all those arguments, but I did. I did want you to feel the kind of hurt I did. That’s probably the biggest red flag” He laughed, “But holy shit, Y/N, you have no idea what it took for me to tell you this. With him being here, I just couldn’t because that’s so fucking cliche, it’d be like I was asking you to choose”

You stared at him, uncomfortable, unable to comprehend the extent of his words, “You should have told me”

“I’m telling you now. I know it’s awkward for you, but I have nothing to lose” He chuckled, “I’m not asking you out, or anything. I just want you to know because it was driving me crazy keeping it to myself. In fact, I was never planning to tell you, but the night of my birthday party, during that stupid spin the bottle game, when we kissed, I thought you felt the same”

You remembered the kiss. 

It had surprised you how much you liked it.

“I mean, you’re a really good kisser” You admitted, picking from crumbs from the bagel.

He laughed, “Am I?”

“Yeah” 

“I try” He smirked, and you know he was trying to lighten the mood. It was so typical of him to make jokes out of an awkward situation, “You’re a really good kisser too. I know after the party, I gave you a 7.5 on the kissing scale, but…I was obviously kidding”

You looked up at him, “Really?”

He nodded, still smiling, “I’m sure Hyunjin would agree with me”

Just like that, the bubble popped.

Your smile fell.

“Sorry” He apologised, “You guys have kissed, right?”

“Yeah”

“And he still went back to Seoul?” He laughed, “Man, being an idol really sucks”

“Yongbok…”

“Okay” He laughed, “I’m sorry. I was just trying to make you laugh”

You didn’t know what this was, or what to make of it.

What are you supposed to say that? You felt an obligation, to return his feelings, despite all the arguments you had in the recent months, you wish you could return them. 

You didn’t want to be the one breaking his heart, or anybody’s. 

Is this how Hyunjin would feel if you’d told him you loved him? 

Would you have also lightened your inevitable rejection by stupid humour? 

You don’t know what you can possibly say to Yongbok, to make things okay.

So later, when he’s helping you wash the cups, foam-filled hands, you ask him, “Are you going to be okay?”

Yongbok looks up at you, a soft smile on his features, and you again realise how beautiful he looked in the sunlight. His skin is lit up, a kindness in his eyes has returned, like a weight was lifted off his shoulders, and he tells you he’s okay.

He tells you not to worry, and that you owe him nothing. He then dips his hand in the foamy sink, reaching up to smear some on your nose, a childlike laughter filling your kitchen.

You wonder if you would feel the same relief, if you confessed the truth to Hyunjin.

»»————-

Your phone rings later that evening, and it’s Hyunjin.

He asks you if you’re okay, and if you’re better than you were yesterday.

You were on the brink of tears last night.

Today, you are better.

Yongbok’s words come back to you, and you wonder why you don’t love him. It sure would have made everything a little easier. 

Everything makes sense now, the way he’s been acting all summer, his behaviour around Hyunjin, and you feel a little stupid for being so oblivious to it.

When you drift off into thought, Hyunjin asked you again, if you were okay.

“I met Yongbok” You responded.

His voice lit up, at your rekindled friendship, “Yeah? What did you guys do?”

You tell him about the bagels, and the coffee, and because you can never keep anything from Hyunjin, you end up blurting, “He told me he loves me. That he has his entire life”

You don’t know why you say it. You’re looking for a reaction. Or for consolation.

But Hyunjin is quiet on the other end, and he doesn’t say much for the rest of the night, and you wonder if you should have just kept it to yourself.

»»————-

Hyunjin doesn’t call you the next day, or the next, or the one after that. 

You try to distract yourself, stealing away work hours into painting. 

Each brushstroke soothed you, and you pour out your emotions. 

Unrequited love is a bitch, and you feel guilty every time you see Felix, but he’s more than okay. You can’t imagine being the same. 

Your paintings end up all looking really sad. They make you feel sad when you look at them, and you realise you’re only painting of longing.

Hyunjin finally texts you.

It’s only to tell you that Chan and Kairi broke up.

He doesn’t say much more, but he doesn’t have to.

You knew what they meant to them, and perhaps this breakup impacted him more than them.

You go back to painting your solitude. 

It’s calming, under the glow of your lamp, tucked in a corner of your room, you lose yourself in your art. 

Autumn is closer than it was yesterday, and it makes you sad. Summer is further away in your past now, and so is he.

Hyunjin’s texts get less frequent, as the days go by.

You feel obsessive, you feel just a little crazy.

You feel like a teenage girl waiting for her crush to call back.

Your heart breaks a little more with each hour that he doesn’t call.

You’re worried all the time, if he was okay.

You read about the scandals on the news, and the rumours on the internet, and some of them involve him but most of them involve Jisung. 

Yeonjun keeps you updated on the trial, and all the press outlets that Jisung has sued. 

Hyunjin doesn’t have space in his life for a relationship, but as days pass, it feels like he doesn’t for a friendship either.

hyun

hey yn

im so sorry

i’ve had a horrible schedule the past few days

they’re really trying to make up for everything I missed

i haven’t been sleeping much and i just…haven’t got much time on my phone

my managers have been really strict

they limit my activities on there

but don’t worry im okay

i spend most of my time in the studio

i miss you too. a lot

His replies soothe you, more than your own art ever could. 

You fall into a habit. You check the news each morning, even before your first sip of coffee, worried if he’s okay.

Hyunjin keeps telling you he’s fine, and you force yourself to believe him.

He sends you pictures of his art, and you notice how much he’s improved. He’s using all of the techniques you taught him. He’s painting about all of his days in your hometown.

Other nights, you don’t hear from him at all.

You feel it falling apart, and your heart breaks.

One day, he asks you about Yongbok again. 

You question if you should never have told him about the confession.

»»————-

The day his album releases, you listen to it before anybody in the world, or at least you’d like to believe so. 

It’s beautiful, and it’s raw. It’s a mix of every genre you can imagine. Hyunjin sings about love like he’s been in it. The album is more beautiful than you could anticipate, and you can already see the headlines surrounding it’s success.

Felix takes you to a store in Samhae, so you can purchase it for yourself, and when you find yourself in a line of twenty girls talking about him, you feel like fighting them.

You borrow Yuqi’s car, so you can push the CD into the stereo, and hear it before you can even get home.

The music Hyunjin makes is beautiful as him, and you hear the vocal fry, and the cadence he speaks with, and you fall in love with him even more.

It feels like cheating, as Felix sits in the passenger seat, listening to the same songs.

You wanted to ask him what he thinks of the album, but you hold back.

When you got home, you sat in the darkness of your room, and listened to it again, just by yourself. 

You called him to tell him what you think of it, but he’s at a party and he has no time for this. 

So you end up keeping your thoughts just to yourself. 

»»————-

You stared at the letter mail within your hands.

It arrived a few days ago, but you hadn’t noticed it until now.

It had been lying in your mailbox, gathering dust, and you stood on the sidewalk, wondering how you the hell you missed it.

It was from the city.

Your heart dropped into your gut, as you ripped open the envelope, making sure not to damage the contents inside.

You took a deep breath.

Holy shit.

It was going to be a rejection.

It had to be.

You stood absolutely still on the pavement, unfolding the letter. It’s so thin you’re afraid you’re going to rip it.

You can’t read this alone. You wish Hyunjin would here, it’d probably feel less scary.

But you can’t wait either. You need to know now.

You scanned the paper, yet your brain couldn’t comprehend the sentences, and skipped forward, registering only certain words. Like a record skipping.

A word stands out to you.

Congratulations.

And then you go back to the start of the letter, trying to make sense of what you just read, but your heart is already beating out of your chest and you think you’re going to pass out.

Congratulations.

Kim Jieong would be honoured to have you join him as an apprentice for his Fall Program in Painting at the Atelier of the Arts in Seoul, South Korea.

You reread the words until they were seared into your mind, and into your heart.

You read them until the paper became wet with droplets, and you realise you were crying. 

On the side of the sidewalk. 

Then you read them again.

You folded the piece of paper into your pocket, and you texted the boy you loved.

hyunjin!

when can i call you?

i have something to tell you

it’s really important

You wait for his answer, but your message doesn’t deliver.

So you sat down on your front porch, trying to calm your heart but you’re bursting with excitement and anticipation. You’ve already texted Felix and Minho, but you’re only waiting for one person’s reaction.

You need to tell him now. 

He could be busy. He could be at work, or in bed, but you don’t care.

He has to be the first to know.

You find yourself dialling his number, and your hands are shaking, and your heart is trembling.

Hyunjin doesn’t pick up.

And you’re met with an unfamiliar message.

“We're sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”

»»————-

THREE MONTHS LATER

»»————-

“Take my hand if you don’t wanna fall” 

You looked up, and Felix is smiling down at you, the sun a halo around his head.

He’s got pink skates on, and it suits him. 

The brightness of them stands out in the park.

“You’re awfully confident for someone who’s fallen over…thrice now?” Minho laughs, coming to stand next to you, arms on his hips.

“I’ll be fine, Lix” You smiled, tightening the laces of your roller-skates.

“Let me at least help you up” He insisted.

You nodned, letting him take your hand and pull you up. You’re inches from him when you stand up, and he smiled at you.

“See you at the rink in a few?” He tilt his head.

“I’ll see you, Lix”

He let go of your hand, and you miss the steadiness it gave you, but almost instantly Minho comes to your side. With a hand on your back, he leads you to the rink. You’re still getting used to these roller-skates, and you’ve fallen over more than you’d liked.

“Aren’t you glad I dragged you out here?” He nudged you.

“Sure” You smiled at him, trying to match his pace. 

It’s a beautiful day at the park. There’s a harvest festival, where Felix bobbed for apples, and you cheered for him. Then Minho forced you all onto the rink, bringing you a new pair of skates since you couldn’t find your old ones. As you skated around the park with your friends, it almost feels like the old days.

The leaves had changed color.

The days were shorter now, and the sun hung low in the sky, the temperature dropping to single digits.

With the onset of fall, you stopped swimming in the Creek, and the fireflies disappeared, and you never left the house without a cardigan anymore. 

Aera’s kept you busy, and so did the weekends at The Château. You and Seungmin grew even closer, and you found joy in interacting with travelling tourists, searching for artistic pursuits and adventure in your little town. 

Felix explored his love for baking with you, and you recreated everything in his recipe book… except for the strawberry streusels. Yeonjun consistently kept in touch with, and told you of his life in the city, the drama in his workplace, and about the cute new girl that sat across him at work. 

You fell in love with the palette of autumn, and all your artworks became tinged with shades of orange and red. All of your sweaters became tainted with paint splatters, and the walls of your room became full with your memories of the summer.

“Are you going to take these with you? I bought them for you, full-price mind you” Minho asked you.

You sighed, “I don’t know”

“There has to be places in Seoul to skate in” He thought, and grabbed your hand so you can speed up. You smiled, feeling the wind on your face, desperately trying to not lose your balance.

“I don’t think I have space in my suitcase” You told him, as he stopped. 

Felix is on the other side, and he’s smiling at you. He looks cute, and he’s with his sister. She’s in matching pink rollerblades, and Felix has spent more than an hour teaching her how to skate.

There’s a couple next to them, and they’re holding hands and skating, and they keep kissing, and your chest hurts with the thought of him.

You haven’t been able to talk to him in months…

He doesn’t even know you got into the program.

His number changed, and he closed all of private social media.

“Hey?” Minho said, turning your head to look at him, and he can read your mind, “You’ll find him once you get to the city, it’s only a matter of time”

You frowned, “How? I don’t even know where he lives…I don’t even know if he’s okay”

“Well, you obviously know he’s alive” Minho joked, “He looks pretty good in all the interviews they did”

“I’m just worried about him” You mumbled, “It feels weird to go this long without hearing from him”

“It’s probably something with the company. Hyunjin told you how controlling they were, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, but…he’s not a kid. How can they control this shit in his life?”

You’ve had this same conversation millions of times before, over the past three months, but you still can’t understand what happened. You had tried every way to get in touch with him, but with how famous he was right now…it was impossible.

It’s not even like you can go to Facebook and add him as a fucking friend. 

“I can ask Felix to try” Minho asked.

“No” You insist, “It’s not gonna make a difference. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’ll see him soon”

You can’t help but have hope. At the beginning, you were worried, and then you were angry but now you’re just confused. You know he’d never change his contact information without telling you, or even Minho, or Seungmin. 

Something went wrong.

A huge reason you’re excited to go to Seoul, is so you can finally meet him, and know what happened, how he’s been, and if he’s okay.

You heard Felix call out to you.

“Wait, Y/N” Minho grabbed your arm, “I’m sure he’s even more upset than you”

Over the past few months, Minho has discussed all of his theories with you, about what could have happened. He’s so sure, that Hyunjin’s company is involved. You want to believe him, because there’s no way Hyunjin would do this.

“What are you two gossiping about?” Felix asked, skating over to you, and from where you stand, he really looked like a fairy, long hair blowing in the wind.

“Nothing important” You smiled at him, “Wanna skate with me now?”

“Always” He grinned. You let him take your hand, and pull you around the rink, guiding you through groups of friends, children and couples. 

“What are you wearing to the party tonight?” He asks, after a while, and his hand landed on your waist, helping you balance.

“Whatever outfit I haven’t packed” You admitted, honestly.

“Come on, you’re the star of the night” He spun in front of you, “You should wear the blue dress, the one you wore to Yeonjun’s party last year”

Tonight is the going away party that Minho is throwing for you. You can’t believe it’s already time. You leave tomorrow.

Everything has been building up to this, and you’re so excited, you think you could burst. You’re anxious too, because everything has to go right, it’s only what you’ve been dreaming about.

Your acceptance letter is tucked into a book, and it feels like only yesterday that you found out, but it’s already been months.

The night you got accepted, Felix baked you a chocolate cake. You were too shaken up, and confused about the fact that you couldn’t get through to Hyunjin, but you had to celebrate.

Felix… distracts you from all your worries. You’re grateful for his company.

“I don’t want to be the star” You told him.

Felix rolled his eyes, “You deserve it, love, and you have no choice”

You had been anxious about Hyunjin for months, confused, and heartbroken, but you have bigger things to worry about.

The program starts in a week, and you don’t have enough time to prepare.

Yet, you’ve been preparing for it all your life.

The money you’ve saved up happens to just be enough for a studio apartment, and Yeonjun helped you find a place in a busy neighbourhood.

Not that it mattered.

You would sleep in the subway if you had to, if it means you’ll get to learn from The Kim Jieong. The artist you’ve looked up to all your life, your inspiration, your muse, and your everything.

Later that night, Minho helped you pack, and you take only what you need. You can’t afford to leave your supplies at home, like he did, so you packed all of them. You keep aside the tattered brushes, because the city kids would definitely disapprove. 

Your suitcase filled up quickly, with an array of watercolours, and acrylics, and pastels, and you compromised on your clothes.

You only pack your favourite coat, and your dark sweaters, and the skirts you didn’t wear here yet.

The going away party is small, and you love and hate every part of it. You wear the blue dress Felix wanted you to. Everybody there tells you you’ll do well, and you wonder if any of them secretly resent you, if they think you’re another person who gave into the city's false charms. Everybody who moves to the city from a small town is always celebrated, but you know you’ll probably be hated when you’re actually gone.

You’re in such a daze throughout, you don’t realise the importance of that night.

You’re not going away for long, but it’s still a huge deal.

The apprenticeship has a low acceptance rate, and they hardly take any students from Korea. It’s mostly international kids, and you can’t believe you get the chance to be amongst them.

After the party, you and Felix stay to help Minho clean up, and you stand on the threshold of the doorway, to catch your breath. Felix threw away the last of the beer bottles, and stood opposite you, leaning on the other end.

Your arms are folded behind your back, and you smile at him.

“I can’t believe Seonmi tried to get us to play spin the bottle again” 

You sigh, “I’m glad Minho shut them down”

Felix laughs, and then his shoulders sag as the laughter dies down, “How are you feeling?”

“Tired” You tell him, “But…I’m really fucking excited too”

“I can’t believe you’re leaving” He mumbles, for the tenth time that night, and he pushes his hands in his pockets.

“It’s not like I’m moving away forever” You tell him, “The apprenticeship is just a temporary program”

“But isn’t the point of it to get a job in the city?” He asks.

“There’s only a few spots open, for the people that perform the best”

“Then you’re definitely not coming back” He says, smiling, placing unwavering faith in you.

“We’ll see” You shrug.

“Is he coming to pick you up from the station?” He asks.

You nod, “If he can make it. He’s been busy recently”

“You promise to keep me in your life?” He suddenly asks, tilting his head. You notice his hair’s grown longer in the fall, falling to his shoulders. The blonde suits him, the glow of the porch lights sharpen his cheekbones, and the shadows on his face.

“You’d push your way back, even if I didn’t” You tell him.

He laughs, knowing it’s the truth, “I’ve had the privilege of knowing you since we were…kids. I’m never letting you go, you know that?”

His words are meant to comfort you, but the irony doesn’t fail to strike.

He must have noticed the fall in your expression, because he steps forward, “Hey, hey. What’s wrong?”

“I’m…kind of a little terrified” You admit, eyes downcast, watching the pink shoelaces of Felix’s worn-out shoes.

“You’ve been painting your whole life. Everybody’s going to fall in love with you there, I can bet my life on that”

“I only need Kim Jieong to fall in love with me” You joke.

“And he will. You’ll spare no one”

You swallow, “Thank you. I know you never really wanted me to move away. But I’m really glad you understand how much this means to me”

“I rather you be away from me than be miserable in this little town” He admits, and his finger meets the end of your chin. He tilts your head up, so you’re looking him right in the eye.

“That doesn’t sound like you” You mumble.

He rolls his eyes, “I know. The things I do for you”

You smile, “Thank you”

“I’m really gonna miss you” He admits, “You’ll come home for the next summer though, right?”

You nod, and his hand is still on your chin, “Of course. I’ll be here”

His lips pull up into a smile, and his eyes are bright, and the freckles on his skin look far too much like stardust right now.

“You’ll be here. That’s why summer’s my favourite season” He mumbles, but his voice is suddenly hoarse now, half of his words lost in his mouth. 

He’s staring right at you, and you feel the breath leave your lungs. 

It reminds you of the night of his birthday and how he came to your rescue, kissing you to save you from embarrassment.

“Can I kiss you?” He suddenly asks you, the depth of his voice prickling through you.

Apparently, he was thinking of the same thing.

The words throw you for a loop, but yet they don’t. 

He knows you don’t feel the same way for him. He knows that you’re in love with someone else. But he still asks. It’s a goodbye kiss. It doesn’t mean much more. 

So, you say yes, and he swallows your words in a kiss.

He presses you up against the doorway, but he doesn’t deepen the kiss. His lips move against yours, and his hands hold you, and all you can think about how is how different this feels.

It’s not that you’ve given up on Hyunjin. In fact, in a few days, you’ll be closer to him than you’ve ever been, under the same night sky, breathing the same air.

Your hands stay behind you, pressed into the doorway, and you feel the slightest urge to run them through his hair, but you don’t. 

Felix kisses you sweetly, and when he pulls away, there’s no awkwardness. He lets out a laugh, pulling playfully at your cheeks and mumbles something about making sure you don’t miss the train in the morning.

That night, when you’re packing away the last of your things, you reached for the sketchbook you had left at Hyunjin’s house. It laid by your bedside, but you haven’t opened it in weeks. You decided to take it with you, if only for the memories and the sketches you’ll make on the journey.

As you reach to put it in your suitcase, something dropped from within its pages and landed on the wooden floor.

Frowning, you bent down to pick it up. 

It’s a vertical photo strip, and when you flip it over, your breath stops in your throat.

It’s the pictures from the photobooth.

Of you and Hyunjin kissing, in the pink lights.

How the fuck did that get in here?

You’re absolutely sure he had deleted them, right in front of your own eyes.

It stirs memories within you, plunging you right back into that moment, the hot, heavy kisses that you shared, the tightness with which he gripped your hips, the urgency with which you touched each other.

Your core tightened, and you sit on the floor to take a breath.

You stared at the strip of pictures. Your first instinct is to text him, and ask where he got them, but you can’t even contact him. 

It’s another question you can’t wait to ask him, when you finally see him again.

A tsunami of feelings overwhelms you, and you know that you can’t blame him for this sudden rift between you, because you can still feel the intensity with which he held you, and moments like that can’t be temporary.

A new buzz runs through your veins, and you hold the photo strip tight to your chest, wondering when it would be real again.

»»————-

The stars in the sky were replaced by the skyscraper lights, as your train hurtled closer to its destination.

Clutching your ticket in your hand, your eyes were peeled to the window, watching the city skyline become closer, and closer, until the buildings loomed over you. 

You’d seen the city through pixels and in coffee table books but never like this. 

Your camera ran out of film before you’d even arrived, and perhaps you should have prepared for that. You couldn’t stop your excitement. Everything was new, and everything was gorgeous. You took pictures of your ticket, of your seat, of the view.

You have to document this. In every form possible.

The cute boy across you even offered to share a pack of Peppero sticks halfway through the ride, and you hoped everybody in the city was as kind as him.

There were more people at the platform than in the entirety of Daejon, and you held your bags tightly to you, making your way through the crowd. At a certain point, you weren’t even walking, just pushed toward the nearest exit, going with the flow of the crowd around you. 

Each breath brought a new scent, fighting for your attention in the crowd. The musty luggage that had travelled all over the country being dragged against the concrete. 

There must be a cafe nearby, because the aroma of coffee wafted through the air, and it wasn’t till the scent of pastries hit you that you realised you were starving.

There’d be time for food later.

The faint hint of cologne and perfume clouded your senses, different kinds of fragrances worn by the people who walked through the station.

It was overwhelming, a sensory overload, but you had expected this chaos.

You welcomed it.

He was waiting for you at the platform.

Relief flooded through you at the familiar face amongst the crowd. 

“Look at her” He remarked, a small smile overtaking him.

“Fuck” You ran up to him, navigating through the few people still in your way. 

His arms wrapped around you immediately, lifting you off the ground momentarily, and his scent was familiar and it was known, and it calmed you instantly. You buried your face in his neck, letting him hold you to his body in the crowd.

“You’re here” He breathed, pulling back to look at you, eyes wide.

“I missed you” You admitted, reaching out to grab his hand, “Thank you…for coming to pick me up”

He squeezed yours in return, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world” 

“No, I’m serious. Thank you, Yeonjun”

He stared at you, eyes crinkling in appreciation and love, “You don’t have to thank me”

The crowd moved around you, like a river around a rock, as you held him close to you. 

Everything was unfamiliar here, but him.

“Come on, let’s get you out of here” He smiled, grabbing your bags.

Walking out of the station felt like stepping into a dream you’d forgotten.

You’d studied these streets, and dreamt of these buildings, but now you stood amongst them. Awe and fascination swelled in your heart, and if it wasn’t for Yeonjun keeping a hold on you, you’d probably stop and stare at every little thing.

The neon lights danced along the alleyways, casting colors onto everyone around you.

It was so typical. 

It was just like the movies.

You picked up on snippets of conversations, leftovers of drama, but it was crazy, because for the first time, you didn’t know who they were gossiping about. There were no familiar faces or names, a reality you could never live before.

In the distant, you could hear street musicians and you stopped, pulling at Yeonjun’s sleeve, “Can we go see that?”

You’ve seen far too many Youtube videos about this, and you have been waiting to experience this yourself.

He laughed, gesturing to your luggage, “With all this stuff in our hands?”

“Right” You realised.

“Hey, we can always come back to this. Let’s get you settled in first, yeah?” He said, reaching forward to tuck your hair back in a gesture that soothed you.

“I know. I just…I’m excited. Sorry” You apologised.

“Don’t be sorry. I was the same my first day here” He said, sincerely, “I’m glad I have you to share this with. Although you’re already doing better than me, I was so overwhelmed”

You swallowed, “I am too, but…I want to be”

Yeonjun’s lips curled up into a smile, “Yeah?”

“I’ve thought about this moment for a long time, Jun”

“I know” He smiled, then tugged at your hand, “Now come on, we’re almost at your apartment”

You let him tug you along, because you were too lost taking everything in to navigate yourself. 

It was overwhelming, 

But you embraced it.

»»————-

“Are you sure this is the right building?”

“Mmh, I checked on the map. It’s definitely the red building”

“It…looks different than it did online” You said, staring at the apartment.

“I’m sure it’s nicer inside” He shot you a calm look. 

He grabbed the heavier suitcase, before attempting to push the door open. 

It didn’t budge, and he stopped, “Is the door locked or something?”

“Um, they told me it’d be open till six” You mumbled, glancing at your phone to check the time.

“Well, it’s certainly not open” Yeonjun muttered, trying to push it open with his shoulder. 

His efforts were met with no real results, and he released a frustrated sigh.

“Maybe I can try” You side-stepped him, lamely attempting to turn the knob.

“You know, it’s not that cold” Yeonjun rolled his eyes at the thick gloves you had on.

“It’s cold for me” You defended. 

Daejon almost had the same weather year-round. 

You weren’t used to the chill that came this up north.

“I pray for you when winter comes” He added.

You turned to him, arms crossed, “So…are we just going to stand here the rest of the night?”

“Why don’t you call the landlord?”

You bit your lip, “I wouldn’t wanna inconvenience him” 

Yeonjun sighed, dropping the duffel bag on the pavement, “You literally can’t get into your apartment. I think he’ll understand”

Your new life in the city was off to a great start.

“Maybe I can try again tomorrow” You spoke, “Could I stay at your place tonight?”

“Y/N” He stepped forward, placing a hand on your shoulder, “You can, but you’re not going to be bothering him, I promise you. This is kind of his job”

You stared at him, and sighed, “You’re right. But, before I call him, do you think there’s another entrance to the place? Maybe we’re at the wrong one”

Yeonjun looked up at the facade of the building. All the blinds to the apartment windows were shut, and he kept his hands on his hips, “I’ll check around the back”

“Thank you” You nodded, “I’ll try the door here”

You peeled off your gloves, turning the knob again, hoping that it might work this time.

You pushed at it with your shoulder, and to your surprise, the door burst open, plunging you inside. 

Somebody else had opened the door from the inside.

“Fuck” You collided with them, flushing with embarrassment.

“Whoa” He exclaimed, hands coming up to your shoulders, “Are you okay?”

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry” You stepped back, looking up at him.

Was everyone in Seoul a fucking model or something?

His hair fell into his eyes, sharp features and a jawline that immediately stood out to you. 

He seemed to be younger than you.

He observed your form, eyes flickering over your figure before he stepped back, to let you breathe, “Were you…breaking in to my apartment or something?”

“No!” You immediately responded in horror, eyes wide, “I…I’m Y/N”

His eyebrows shot up, “Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

“I’m the new resident on the sixth floor” You explained, voice unsure by the second, “Mr. Kwon didn’t mention me?”

“Oh” His eyes widened in recognition, “Right. He did. I didn’t think you’d be coming in today. Bad weather to be moving in”

“You’re right” You laughed, pushing your hands in your pockets, “So, uh…I’m Y/N”

He smiled, eyes crinkling, “Hi, Y/N. I’m Jeongin”

“Sorry about the door. I couldn’t get in” 

“It tends to get stuck in the cold sometimes” He explained, then looked behind you, “Is that all the stuff you have?”

You turned back, “Yeah. My friend’s gone around the block…to look for another entrance”

Jeongin smiled brightly, like he had no troubles in the world, “Well, I can help you get your bags up, unless you wanna wait for your friend to come back?”

“I’ll just tell him I got the door open” You explained, reaching for your phone to text Yeonjun. 

Your new neighbour, Jeongin, watched as you typed out the text, and then reached forward, to pick up the duffel you’d abandoned on the street.

“You probably shouldn’t leave your stuff out like that” He laughed, grabbing the handle of your suitcase, “Some scumbags are just looking for an opportunity like that”

“Oh” You realised, feeling dumb for leaving your things unattended.

Jeongin pulled your suitcase and duffel bag up the porch stairs, before shooting you a glance, “I’m guessing you’re new to the city”

“It’s obvious?” You laughed, feeling embarrassed.

“Don’t worry about it” He shook it off with a hand, as you followed him up the stairs, “I’m on the second floor, by the way”

You clutched the rusty bannister with one hand, craning your neck to observe the atrium. The centre of the staircase had a skylight, but it was pitch-black outside.

He glanced back at you, “If you ever find yourself stuck outside, you can shoot me a text. I’m almost always home”

You followed him up to the sixth floor, “Thank you, that’s really nice of you. Are you in university?”

He nodded, “I take my classes online though. You?”

“I’m here for an art internship”

“Where’d you move here from?” He asked, as you made your way to the door, and you handed him the keys. 

“Daejon. It’s a small town down south, near the beach and the mountains. You probably haven’t heard of it”

He turned to you, with a grin, “Sounds beautiful”

You unlocked the door to your unit, and thankfully this lock was easier than the one below. 

Flicking the switches on, you glanced around.

The apartment certainly was…something. 

It was a studio, unfurnished, one bedroom, one bath.

The walls and floor were bare, and there was hardly any lighting, but that could be fixed.

Everything could be fixed.

You had made it here, and that’s what mattered.

A little kitchen window looked out into a fire escape, glimpses of the city visible. 

It excited you already. You could set up an easel there and learn to paint this new landscape.

You’d brought no artwork with you…but the new paintings you made could decorate the walls, and soon the place would fill up with your new memories of the city.

There was so much potential.

“It’s not bad. Mr. Kwon gave you one of the better units” The boy commented, and you realised he was still here, as you’d been fantasising about your new place.

“Really? You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?” 

Jeongin raised an eyebrow, “Why would I want to make you feel better? We’ve only known each other like… thirty seconds”

Your eyes widened, and for a second you wondered if he actually meant it, before he burst into a laugh.

“Sorry” He giggled, “I was kidding. Did you think I was not?”

“And how would I know you were kidding? I just met you, like you said” You exhaled.

He laughed, walking back to you, “Why would I be so rude to you for no reason?”

You shrugged, hugging yourself, “I don’t know…maybe you’re an asshole”

“Ouch” He laughed.

“Who are you?” A familiar voice interrupted, and you turned to see Yeonjun stood at the doorway. His eyes were wide, and his hair was wet from the rain. You felt guilty for leaving him out in the cold, but he was more concerned about the stranger in your apartment.

“Who are you?” Jeongin asked him in return, “How’d you get in?”

Yeonjun’s eyes narrowed, “The door was open downstairs”

“Shit” He mumbled, “Mr Kwon will kill me”

“Why are you in my friend’s living room?” Yeonjun asked.

“I was helping her in”

Yeonjun shot you a look, and you shrugged, “What?”

Jeongin looked between the two of you awkwardly, “I gotta go close up downstairs”

“Sure. Thank you for letting me in by the way”

“Course. No problem” He smiled, pushing his hands in his denim jacket pockets as he left. 

Once he was out of earshot, Yeonjun shut the apartment door, and raised an eyebrow at you, “Who was he?”

“Yang Jeongin” You leaned against the kitchen counter, letting out a breath, “He opened the door for me”

“And you let him into your apartment. What if he’s a creep?”

“Relax, Jun. At least I’m inside now”

He looked around, observing the place, “Well, at least there’s no mold here or anything”

You stare at him, “Are you kidding me? The place is… perfect”

He laughs, “What?”

You run up to him, pulling him into a hug, “Thank you, thank you, thank you”

He wrapped his arms around you, “Someone’s happy”

You looked up at him, “Of course I am. This is what I’ve wanted my entire life”

“You didn’t seem this excited downstairs” He pointed out.

“I was worried for a second there” You say, “But now I’m so happy”

He laughed, “Fuck. I’m happy for you”

You let go of him, to sit on your new couch, in your new home.

“If I get some cute stuff and more lights, it’ll be nice, right?”

He walked over to the kitchen window, peering out at the view, “Just be careful to keep the blinds closed at night”

“Why?” You frowned.

“There’s a lot of creepy people in the city”

You smiled, dropping your head back on the couch, “I don’t care”

He laughed again, stepping over to you, “When do you want to unpack?”

“Is it crazy if I say right now? I kind of want to put all my stuff in place”

“No, it’s not crazy. You’re not tired?”

“I’ve been preparing for this my whole life, so no”

He chuckled, “I’m guessing you’re going to be saying that a lot”

He walked over to the bedroom, “It’s smaller than on the website. You’ll have to buy a bed”

“I know” You hummed, closing your eyes, to take everything in. If you sat here quietly, you’d be able to hear the sirens, the pedestrians, the noise from all the shops.

“Do you wanna order some pizza?” He asked.

“That’s perfect”

As the hours pass, you put away all your clothes in the wardrobe. Yeonjun helped you arrange the paintbrushes and canisters in a corner. You’ve only had enough space to bring two canvases and you balanced them against your bedroom wall. 

Yeonjun played an English rock band he’s lately been obsessed with as you emptied the last of your suitcase.

The pizza arrived in no time, and Yeonjun brought it upstairs.

You’ve opened the kitchen window to let the city sounds in, and he smiles at your amused expression. Your apartment faces a busy street, but you love it. There’s absolutely no silence, and you think it’ll help you fall asleep at night.

Sitting on the floor, the pizza box lay between you as Yeonjun told you about his favourite spots in the city. He was a little overprotective, telling you to avoid certain neighbourhoods, but you appreciate him.

“Are you excited to join the internship?” He asked, biting down into the pepperoni.

“Apprenticeship” You corrected him.

“What’s the difference?” He laughed.

“Look it up” You rolled your eyes, tossing a pepperoni at him.

He nodded, “So you’re sticking in Seoul forever then?”

You laughed, “We’ll see”

“You didn’t answer my question” He repeated, popping open a coke can, a hissing sound accompanying it.

“I am excited. Obviously” You smiled, “Nervous to meet Kim Jieong though. He’s like my favourite artist, ever, in the entire observable universe”

Yeonjun laughed, passing you the coke can, “I better be the first to hear all about your first day”

“Who else will I even tell?” You laughed.

He nodded, swallowing the crusts, and choosing to stay quiet.

It’s awkward. Hyunjin’s thought hangs in the air.

He doesn’t know you’re here.

He doesn’t even know you got accepted.

“We could do something crazy. If you want”

“What?” You asked, curious.

“You’re probably gonna hate the idea” He laughed.

You scoot closer to him, “Tell me”

He bites into another piece, “You know where he works. The Pegasus headquarters. It’s not too far from your classes”

You stare at him as he talks. The idea makes you feel like a stalker.

“I can’t just show up at his workplace”

“Isn’t that how you two met in the first place? He showed up to your workplace?”

You grabbed the coke can from him, “You’re clever. But no…that’d be weird”

“How else are you going to get in touch with him?”

“I don’t know, but it is so weird to think that we’re under the same sky now”

Yeonjun rolled his eyes, “You’re way too romantic. You know that you’re always under the same sky, right? No matter where you are on Earth”

“Shut up” You tossed a piece of pepperoni at him, “Don’t kill the mood”

“Fine. You’re breathing the same air as Hyunjin. I mean, if you really want to be romantic, you’ll probably bump into him sometime soon”

“There’s like ten million people in the city, Jun”

“Oh, now you’re logical?” He laughed. Yeonjun’s face suddenly lit up, and you know he’s had a terrible idea.

“What? Don’t tell me…” 

“I’m going to help you find him. That’s kind of my job”

“Finding people?” You laughed.

“No, tracking their digital footprints, and shit”

“How is that going to help us find Hyunjin again?”

“I don’t know. I’m still figuring that part out”

You rolled your eyes, and you lie down.

Your stomach is full, you’re tired, and the floor of your new place is cold, and you love it. You’re so happy. 

You’re right where you belong, and right where you were always supposed to be.

It feels right, and you smile to yourself.

“Do you want to go for a walk? Maybe we can explore your neighbourhood. You can get familiar with it” Yeonjun suggested.

You sat up so quickly, “That’s the greatest idea I’ve ever heard” 

So, he took you around the alleys, and you tried to memorise the names of the streets, and he showed you a coffee shop, and a Paris fucking Baguette. 

Your street is busy and full of life, even this late at night. Even from here, you could see the high-rise buildings surrounding you, glass houses, and everything is glamorous. 

“I literally feel like I’m inside a drama” You told Yeonjun, watching all of the little shops and snack stands. The mannequins in the window display wore clothes you could never get away with wearing back home.

But, you’ll wear them now.

It’s so much all at once.

He held your hand, introducing you to everything he knew of. 

You feel like a stranger in your own country. Everything is different here.

But you’re right where you belong, and as Yeonjun led you back home, you looked up at the sky.

It’s different too.

You realise Hyunjin was right all along.

There are no stars here. 

»»————-

It’s been less than a week, and you’re lost.

You’re not proud to admit it.

But the city is big, and you were only trying to find your way to The Atelier.

Cabs were expensive as hell, so you’d decided to walk, and take the trains but clearly you’d ended up in the wrong neighbourhood.

You called Yeonjun. Obviously.

“Look, Y/N. I still don’t understand what possessed you go visit your art building this late”

“I was impatient!” You admitted. Your classes don’t start for another week, but you wanted to check the place out. You couldn’t hold your excitement.

“You could’ve just waited for the weekend. I would have gone with you”

You snorted, “Right. What would you do in a place like that?”

“Hey, I can be artsy too” He retorted, “Now tell me what you see”

You stared ahead of you.

It’s busy, and there’s so many people. You turn a corner, and then another, and another. It’s already dark out, and the streetlights have twinkled on. You wish you could appreciate the beauty, but you’re so lost. 

Somehow, you’re not scared. You know you’ll figure it out. 

You’ve made it this far after all.

“I’m at a street with a thousand shops”

“So…every single street of this city? You’re so helpful”

“You’re not being very helpful either” You crossed your arms.

“Just go into any shop, and ask them where the art building is”

“What if they don’t know?”

“Then ask somebody else” Yeonjun suggested.

You survey the plethora of shops. Half of them have already shuttered down, and some are in the process of closing. 

There’s only one store that’s open. It looks like it sells snacks and drinks, but maybe they can tell you where you are. The fluorescent lights of it cast a harsh aura upon the streets, unmatched to the traditional aesthetic of everything else. 

“Okay. That’ll give me an excuse to get that expensive candy I saw at the station”

Yeonjun laughed, “I am appalled at how positive you’re being right now despite being in the middle of nowhere”

You walked up the little stairs, a chime sounding as you enter. 

It’s bigger than you expected inside. 

There’s rows and rows of snacks, shelves stocked to the brim. It’s local, different from a 7/11 franchise, but it’s just as organised. There’s a few people already in the store, and you walked past them, until you find an employee who can help you.

“Yeah, once I decided to stop being affected by every little thing, life became much easier” You joked.

You can almost imagine Yeonjun rolling his eyes as he said, “If only everything was that easy”

“I’m gonna ask someone who works here. I’ll call you after, okay?” You spoke into the phone, before hanging up.

There’s a girl, she looked friendly enough.

“Excuse me?” 

She turned, and she was chewing gum, “Yeah? How can I help you?”

“Yeah, could you tell me how I can get to the Atelier from here?”

You feel a little stupid. She’s probably wondering why you can’t just use your phone, but the streets here are so narrow, there’s no way it’ll be accurate.

Her eyebrow furrowed, “That fancy glass building?” 

You lit up in recognition, “Yes! Exactly that!”

“Um. I’m sorry, I don’t know. But Jae will know. His girlfriend goes there. I can call him if you want, he’s the back”

“Oh” You nodded, “That’ll be really helpful, thank you so much”

She looked around, “Are you gonna buy anything?”

You nodded, smiling at her, before she walked into the back.

Well, she was nice.

You tucked your hands into your jacket pockets, and looked around. 

You haven’t been to this part of town before. Well, you’ve only been here a few days but you must have got yourself really, really lost to end up in such a random place.

You waited for the girl to come back, and you watched the people around you.

You envy their sense of comfort, and familiarity.

There’s a couple, still in school uniforms, and they’re picking out candy.

There’s quite a few people in the store, baskets full of snacks, and iced coffee, and maybe you can grab one too, after you reorient yourself.

The shelf is front of you is so overstimulating, and there’s so many different types of candy. 

That’s another one of your favourite things here.

Brands you’ve never heard of or seen before. Imported sweets, from all across the world, and everything is expensive, but you don’t care right now.

There’s a huge box of purple candies.

It’s too much, even for you.

But you feel the need to treat yourself.

You reached for it, picking it off the shelf. Your eyes wander up.

There’s a boy.

Your heart skips a beat, and you think it almost stopped.

You’re dizzy.

The most beautiful boy in the world… stands on the other side of the shelf.

You’d recognise that stance anywhere. 

He’s in a dark trench coat and a cap is pulled over his head, and getting lost has easily been the absolute best mistake of your life. It’s the craziest coincidence in the world, and maybe now you really don’t believe in coincidences anymore.

You believe in destiny, and he has to be yours.

There’s no other explanation, no rhyme or reason for why else he would be here, right now, right here, at the same time as you.

He hasn’t seen you yet, and you relish in those few seconds of pure observation.

He looks exactly the same, as he browses through the aisle of cereals.

Your heart burned, and it yearned, and you couldn’t wait anymore.

You couldn’t stop yourself, even if you wanted to.

“Hyunjin?” You blurted, the excitement unable to be held back.

His head shot up to yours.

The blue box of cereal in his hand dropped to the floor.

And it really was him.

It actually was him.

There were no coincidences. 

He looked so gorgeous, and you can already feel his distinct scent. Your lips curved up into a smile, and your heart was beating out of its chest.

He was staring at you, eyes wide, lips parted.

His hair had gotten even longer, and it peeked out from under his cap.

“Hyunjin I—”

A woman stepped between you, picking up what he’d just dropped.

“Is this the one you were looking for?” She handed it to him.

Hyunjin tore his gaze away from you and nodded at her.

She looked at you, wondering what had his attention.

Your words were stuck in your throat, and your heart was squeezing in your chest, you thought you might collapse.

Who was that?

“Is there anything else you need?” She asked him.

He shook his head, gaze to the floor, “No. I’m good”

His voice. You’d missed it insanely.

“Perfect. The cash counter’s in the back though” She walked past you, and she’s not your problem anymore because he’s here. He’s actually here, in front of you, in the most random shop in all of Seoul. 

Hyunjin stepped out from the aisle. 

You’re standing in his way, “Hey—”

“Excuse me” He mumbled, his shoulder bumped against yours and he walked right past you.

What the fuck?

He didn’t even look at you.

Someone tapped on your shoulder, and it was the girl with the chewing gum.

Your eyes were still on him though, confused, and a fear began to settle in your stomach. He was standing at the cash counter, and his was head was ducked low, as the woman placed all of their shopping out of the cart. 

For a second, you wonder if you’re mistaken and if that’s someone else, but you know it’s him, but that doesn’t make any sense.

The girl employee spoke cheerfully, introducing a boy at her side, “This is Jae! He can tell you the way to the Art Atelier”

At those words, Hyunjin finally looked back, over his shoulder, at you.

His gaze met yours.

It definitely was him.

You were about to say something, but the words never made it past your lips, because he immediately looked away from you.

It was as if he had never known you.

Like you were a stranger.

The city of Seoul had never felt so quiet, as right now.

»»————-

⇐ masterlist ⇒

please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you <3

if you’d like to support me and my writing, you can buy me a coffee here! thank you so much.

[ts19009]

BTS IMAGINES: PART 5

(CONTAINS SMUT AND MATURE SUBJECT MATTER)

(Bold title means favorite)

(UPDATED: OCTOBER 21st, 2022)

Jungkook

Sore Loser | One Shot | jjk (m) ( streamer!Jungkook x valorantpro!reader) @haliiimede

left on read (enemies to friends to lovers?? hospital au, crack, grumpy/overachiever oc, social butterfly/annoying jungkook!!!) @muniimyg

𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐆𝐨𝐝 (Personal trainer!Jungkook x Baker!Reader) @moonlightkoo

the lucky one (pt. 1) | jjk (: You and Jungkook have been forced to be friends since birth. Keyword: forced) @babystrcandy

the nanny diaries ~ jjk (: jungkook x single mom!reader) @btsgotjams27

The Wedding Date (fake!dating au, some angst, fluff, and smut [18+]) @jjungkookislife

under the blankets (m) | jjk (Tattooed boyfriend!Jungkook x Tattooed!reader) @yoonia

Across a Crowded Room (Strangers-to-lovers, idolverse, smut) @monimonimoon

Intruder: Big day (dilf!Jungkook, CEO!Jungkook, arranged marriage, smut, fluff, angst) @btsamgyeopsall

ALL I WANT - JJK | bestfriends2lovers!au, fuckboy!jk, textbooknerd!reader, dom!jk, sub!reader @sxtaep

Save me + J. Jungkook (Slytherin!Jungkook x Ravenclaw!Reader) @jiminspjm

happy birthday loser; jjk x reader; 18+v(explicit smut, mutual thirsting, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, squirting, loud filthy (unprotected) sex. wrap before u tap) @jungk0oksthighs

a gift of love | jjk (dad!jungkook x f. reader) @mercurygguk

What if I love you too much? (fluff; angst; smut; single mum reader) @taleasnewastime

Please Don’t Go | JJK (spider-Man! Jungkook x Childhood Best Friend! Reader) @httpjungkookcom

All Mine - JJK (M) (smut, angst, ceo!jungkook) @katebacks

when it all falls apart | jjk (angst || mention of divorce, alludes to infertility & pregnancy) @7deadlysinsfics

JJK || Take Care of You (idol!Jungkook x housekeeper!y/n) @kookiecrumb

Because, I Love You Masterlist (Jungkook x Older!Reader) @readyplayerhobi

Public Enemy (Part 1) (Smut, Angst, Mafia!Jungkook) @explicit-tae

𝐣𝐣𝐤 | 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐠𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐩𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐜. (idol!jungkook, author!reader, secret relationship, fanboy jungkook, female reader, established relationship) @auroraborealyss

Fallen Arrangement || pt.4 (prince!jungkook x princess!reader, village boy!jimin x princess!reader) @parkdatjimin

Perfectionist (ungkook x Dancer! OC) @miraclesatnightfall

RED | JJK (3/3) (FLUFF, smut, angst:(( pregnancy au) @taestefully-in-luv

Taehyung

Seven Seas (Atlantis Taehyung x Reader) @readyplayerhobi

sea star (m) (pirate king!taehyung x reader) @koyamuses

With a Brush of Fate | KTH | Series Masterlist (Fluff, angst, smut, idol au, strangers to lovers.) @yoongiofmine

Ride With Me ( idol taehyung, coworkers to lovers, not explicitly smutty or fluffy but elements of both

Pairing: V x Fem Reader (A lucky communications grad student catches Kim Taehyungs eye during preparations for their concert. Or: A self indulgent naughty story inspired by my own delusions thanks to his bare-backed IG attacks.) @amethystwritesbts

Caught in the crossfire (Masterlist) (ssassin au; strangers to lovers; 18+ rating.) @taleasnewastime

Office politics (fluff; angst; smut; enemies to lovers) @taleasnewastime

the point of no return | kth (m) (starting out musician!AU. humor, smut, fluff. the trifecta.) @illneverrecover

ONE MISTAKE — 01 | KTH (: idol!taehyung x choreographer!reader) @vamours

❝ king of the clouds ❞ kth ― m. (royal!au, arranged marriage!au | smut, light fluff | 4.7k) @httpjeon

Get You The Moon (M) (Fluff, smut, angst / College!AU, enemies to lovers!AU, football!AU,  jock!Taehyung x student reporter!OC) @bymoonchild

— 1-800-music-street | taehyung (taehyung/reader | fluff, smut | homeless!taehyung) @httpjeon

Pick of the Patch | KTH  (Taehyung x female reader Genre: fluff, angst, smut, enemies to lovers) @taestefully-in-luv)

Comeback Home (1) II KTH - m (: exs-to-lovers!au, teenparents!au, college!tae, businesswoman!oc, smut, so much angst, a really cute kid, slowwwwwww burn) @another-army-spot

Seokjin

One Shot: Both Sides (KSJ) (Friends to lovers, Fluff, crack, mentions of pining, mentions of pet dying, they’re so cute you guys :((() @stellalunatmblr

cinnamon bliss ● chapters list (Single Father!Jin, Cafe Owner!reader, Unrequited Love!au, Angst, Future Smut) @yoonia

all because of you | ksj (Seokjin x female reader genre: fantasy, f2l, HP!au; fluff, smut) @taegularities

The Light of Dead Stars (01) | KSJ (Seokjin x (f.) Reader; side Seokjin x (f.) OC; side Reader x Namjoon) @ahundredtimesover

a dozen tulips. (ksj) (florist + model seokjin x wife!reader) @writtenwhalien

[hot-soop]

WIP list

hahahahaha kill me it’s so much worse than i thought 💀

gang - i have 25 (TWENTY FUCKIN FIVE) works in progress. i started writing for this fandom 2 years ago and i’ve only posted 6 fics in that time oh god. please can everyone kick me up the arse until i finish this shit

unstuck - doctor!yoongi x idiot!reader. based on that very real time i got superglue in my eye and the doctor who treated me at the hospital was a dude i had matched with on hinge. equal parts horrifying and hilarious. 3k written.

there’s no name you can call me - reader/jk/tae. idolverse. really bad, 15k written. needs an entire upheaval if it is ever to see the light of day. honestly will prob just take it to pieces like a written off car and use the scraps for my other WIPs 😬

unnamed tae smut - pwp, 1k written. slight dom vibes

codependent - model!jimin x fem reader. hairdresser au. >1k written. jimin wants to dye his hair soft lilac but he’s only just had it dyed green, hairdresser is perpetually annoyed w him but in a flirtatious way?!

unnamed soulmates(?)!au. fantasy?? - dream sequences where you play out a whole life w/ ur soulmate (joon) but can’t actually meet in this reality. find ways to get messages to each other within dreams? like 150 words written lmao i cannot worldbuild life sux

could you stay - yoongi x reader. f2l. 5k written. forgot i still had this for a while and jess shouted at me and went looking through google docs to check for herself lmao

unnamed hobi fuckboi fic - 54 words written lsdlfkdkgjjss honestly i got bored of it almost immediately. hobi’s character is the hardest for me to get right? idk maybe i need to find a diff trope for him, something nicer. perceived fuckboi??? like unreliable narrator maybe?

sugar fix - yoongi x reader. 90s sex line fic! 1.5k written. absolute nonsense but some of it is quite funny. meetcute at work while talking dirty to horny randos on the phone

unnamed joon sexting fic - established ldr. can’t seem to find the right time to sext bc of time differences, oh no, oh dear, they’re so horny whatever will they do? 1.5k written

carnival fic - yoongi x reader but could change to yoonmin? yoongi is mute, tae the tarot reader seems to know everything yoongi thinks but he’s just making it up and yoongi goes along with it. it’s fun, it’s silly. i’ve got 2k

crossroads - jk x reader. reader is a crossroads demon and jungkook is a total idiot! 1k written

clusters - namjoon x reader. soulmate au, set out of body. everyone in a soul cluster has their soulmate, but namjoon doesn’t, until your soul comes into existence, nearly 50 lifetimes late. 4k written

tattooist jimin x reader. got bored of this immediately and forgot the plot i came up with before i wrote it down. 800 words written that are okay but maybe it could just be a smut oneshot

airport barista hobi x frequent flyer reader. 197 words 😭 hobi why do i struggle when u r so sweet

namjoon x reader. f2l. namjoon wants to go on a road trip but he obv can’t drive, so you, an idiot. volunteer. 700ish words.

tae x reader. college au. lovers to strangers. 5.8k written

seokjin x reader. diner au. e2l (lite). 1.2k written

virtual strangers au - jimin x reader are rival tumblr people. they hate each other but don’t know each others faces. jimin has a big fat crush on this woman who works at the pet shop and he keeps buying cat litter even though he doesn’t have one a cat. anyway. his crush and his tumblr nemesis are one and the same! ha! 1k written

yoonmin fic - jimin is having therapy for anxiety & yoongi runs a cat cafe. 1k written

winterbreak - yoongi x reader. college au. established fwb with one sided feelings. yoongi leaves and spends a year abroad. v angsty. they keep falling back together & hurting each other. based on that song by muna. 5k written

1970s namgi hitman fic - can’t remember where i was going with this, need to reread my notes. was based on that shoot for joons photofolio in the motel. 1.5k written

seokjin’s yarn barn - alpaca farmer!seokjin x knitting enthusiast!yoongi. absolute crack. quite funny. 1.3k written

reader x hobi meetcute on a train. >1k written

spermageddon - namjin fic for lauren. absolute insanity. namjin work at a sperm bank and namjoon breaks things. 1k written

yoongi collab - yoongi x reader musician au. fwb & unrequited feelings. angst heavy 1.4k

➾ feel free to ask about any of these. god. how did it get so out of hand?

[findroleplay]

hello! 21+ and looking for a specific kpop rp/ship: i'd like to play jennie from blackpink against taehyung/v from bts. idolverse, oc or au, i'm open to so much! i'd just really like to write them. 🥹 there will be nsfw so nobody under 21, please! thank you. 🩷

-

[magicshopaholic]

What would our idolverse ladies want for valentine's day (including you lol)?

Our lovely ladies... would definitely have different desires on Valentine's Day. These are ambivalent of the partners they're with and is just their personal preference:

Kaya - Wouldn't expect a ton of celebration, but would like to go out to a nice dinner maybe, followed by a romantic, intimate walk. If one or both of them are too busy to go out, she'd definitely be in support of flowers - including giving them.

Nari - Would 110% forget Valentine's Day altogether. She would neither expect nor want a giant celebration and would be surprised and content with a small gesture, like a fistful of flowers, a sweet message, or a cupcake.

Miso - Would be highly awkward with such a blatant expectation of romance and would rather ignore it entirely.

Chaeyoung - Would take it seriously, including flowers, dinner and gifts. She'd make an equal effort to buy something and make it special as well, but would just love the holiday itself, giving cute cards to her friends and wearing red and white.

Sooah - Would very very cautiously approach Valentine's Day, not wanting to pressure her partner into anything. She'd be a bit disappointed if nothing was done at all so to manage her expectations, she would be most likely to do a Galentine's type thing with friends.

Dilara - Would pretend not to care but would secretly want a bit of a big deal, but with no real preference beyond that. Feb would be one of the only months in the year when she isn't travelling so would hope to take advantage of it. (Headcanon is that while Tae couldn't be with her on their first V Day, he would've had a huge bouquet delivered to her apartment with something cheesy like a kissogram, but also would've gifted her something pretty and delicate from Cartier or somewhere.)

Lia - Would cringe a bit in the face of too much cheesiness so would prefer to avoid it, once again preferring to go out with her friends. Still, she wouldn't mind something small and sweet, like a quick wish and kiss in the morning, and maybe a small bunch of flowers.

Thanks for the question, anon!

Read more about the OCs here

[chuuguins]

you’re the sunflower

🌸 introducing my ocs -- kyori park (idolverse)  //  pixy’s main dancer, lead vocalist + happy vitamin.

yuki belongs to @parabataisarah | template made by @michaelrharrison

[prodigalheart]

undefined

PIXY (NAUGHTY UNIT) - “LIKE I DO” | LINE DISTRIBUTION

[pandorasword]

Chaeri as the 8th and youngest member of BTS.

CHAERI'S MASTERLIST

A love interests' timeline

Lets take a closer look at each of these points

❐ Cha Eun-Woo

჻ They met by chance on a small forum whose members were trainees and emerging idols of the time.

჻ He left a comment under a meme posted by her

჻ They first started talking to each other in the forum's private chat and then exchanged numbers

჻ Their conversations were almost entirely an endless sending of memes to each other

჻ The first time they had a conversation on the phone Chaeri had to hide in Taehyung, Jimin and Hobi's room, as she was sharing a room with Namjoon and Jungkook ჻ If Namjoon knew she was on the phone with a boy he would have asked her questions immediately afterwards

჻ In any case, she couldn't hide it from him for too long because a few months later Eunwoo asked her out on a date and she was forced to ask permission to hyung line

჻ Generally, when she was a teenager, the hardest approval to get was Namjoon's.

჻ In fact, he told her that she was too young to go out with guys she met online.

჻ Oh, she sulked at him for a whole week.

჻ Of course, as time went by, the messages between the two became less and less.

჻ To this day, they are good friends who fans often see interacting with each other at public events

჻ Chaeri refers to him, in private conversations, jokingly, as "the missed husband"

❐ Hoshi (Seventeen)

჻ Not much to say about them

჻ Chaeri became very familiar with the members of SEVENTEEN during the ISAC days

჻ Especially, she was impressed by Mingyu, The8 and Vernon who, to this day, are some of her closest friends

჻ Hoshi, noticing how well they got along with the youngest of the BTS, tried to approach them in any way he could

჻ He was always very kind and respectful towards her

჻ After ISAC ended, he waited a full year before getting up the courage to confess

჻ He told her just before the end of the last athletic activity day

჻ Chaeri told him he was very cute but that she wasn't interested

❐ Dean

჻ Dean noticed Chaeri walking behind Taehyung's back during one of their video calls

჻ It's a ritual for them - he and Tae - to call each other at least once a month to chat and congratulate mutually on their successes.

჻ Seeing the girl, however, made him want to promise his friend that he would visit him as soon as possible.

჻ And so he did

჻ His relaxed nature and ability to feel at ease with everyone did not make him feel the slightest shame in making his intentions clear right away

჻ "You don't even know me and you want to ask me out?" "Ever heard of love at first sight?"

჻ Chaeri told him not to take it the wrong way but he was too old for her, besides the fact that she had no intention of dating him

჻ Taehyung teases him about it as often as he sees him, he also call him 'old' at every good opportunity

❐ Jungkook

჻ Actually, their first kiss was not just before they became a couple, nor was it during that time

჻ Chaeri asked Jungkook to kiss her when she was 17.

჻ There were several factors that led her to that request (she should have known it was only the first of a very long series of times she would ask him to kiss her)

჻ The first reason was her love for one of the most watched kdramas of the time: Oh my Ghostess

჻ To put it in a nutshell, a ghost returns to earth to have at least one love experience before going to the afterlife for good

჻ The second was that all the girls she met spent time opening up about their relationships/love affairs.

჻ For them, girl-only groups, it was definitely easier to interact with a love interest

჻ She, instead, always so busy and surrounded by seven wonderful and protective boys, had never been able to have any relevant experience.

჻ She felt she was lagging behind the others but having to admit made her feel terribly shy about it

჻ Which says a lot because Chaeri is NEVER shy

჻ One day in the small living room of their dorms Chaeri was sitting on the floor in front of the TV watching the kdrama mentioned earlier. Behind her Jungkook and Taehyung on the sofa

჻ "Even ghosts have a better love life than me!"

჻ "It's not such a big deal you know"

჻ The girl turned around and sent him a glare "You say that because no one has ever denied you a date"

჻ The two boys barely held back their laughter "Would you've kissed that friend of yours on the first date? Because otherwise nothing would've changed from the way it is now"

჻ "Yes" "Yes?" "Yes, totally" "You can't kiss someone you don't actually know"

჻ "Then why don't you kiss me since we've lived together for years"

჻ The first proper kiss, however, was not preceded by any requests

჻ It is very common for the boys to make clips in which they dance to choreographies created by Chaeri, along with her

჻ Many of these are even uploaded to the company's official channels

჻ One in particular was never uploaded, fortunately I might add

჻ The footage was promptly taken away by the two guys who still jealously treasure the camera card

჻ That month it was Jungkook's turn. Chaeri had chosen him to dance with her

჻ It took them very little to learn the choreography. A single minute of dance that would surely guarantee millions of views.

჻ Plus, they always loved dancing together

჻ Many choreographers have them interact during dances because, according to them, the two are very compatible physically

჻ Anyway, Chaeri expressly asked for them to be left alone with the camera, which, no matter what, it could be placed on a tripod without requiring movement

჻ If the choreography could be explained in one word that would be Intense

჻ And it definitely shouldn't have ended with Chaeri between his legs and her lips pressed to his, but that variance was clearly enjoyed more by them both

჻ That something in them had slowly changed over time was evident to all

჻ The eyes in constant search of each other, the casual but not so much touches, the chatting late into the night despite the fact that they would have to work the next morning..

჻ It was all a natural and gradual process that led Chaeri to kiss him that day

჻ And it was even more natural to become a couple, as if they were meant to be from the first moment they met

- the choreo ⬊

❐ Jinwoo Yoon

჻ It may sound strange to hear for a star as famous as Chaeri but, between the two of them, she is definitely more of a fan of his than vice versa.

჻ Having a passion for dance, she finds it absolutely inspiring to seek out new talent on platforms such as YouTube

჻ Jinwoo Yoon, even with an already well-established career, was not easy to track down

჻ Back then, Big Hit was looking to hire new people to fill the roles of choreographers and she was desperate for him to apply for the job

჻ So, with all the scandal that such exposure could create if he didn't keep their interactions confidential, she decided to personally text him to congratulate and make him aware of the job position in her company

჻ Jinwoo Yoon certainly didn't ask for it twice

჻ At the casting, she, Hobi and Namjoon were also present (as almost every time their team had to expand and the dance department was involved. Namjoon, instead, was there as leader of course)

჻ Jinwoo Yoon, reserved, talented and extremely humble felt honoured from the first moment he heard that Chaeri had considered him

჻ It was not too difficult to join the crew, unexpectedly

჻ The two immediately seemed to understand each other very well

჻ So well that, unfortunately, not too long after, the choreographer started to have feelings for her

჻ You could see it from the way he looked at her every time he saw her moving according to his directions in the room

჻ He wasn't great at hiding it, all the members were aware of it

჻ To avoid misunderstandings he decided to speak to her clearly at the cafeteria of the building one morning

჻ It often happened that they had breakfast together, always the first ones to arrive in the practice room

჻ Chaeri's eyes were so sorry when she had to tell him that she was not interested but that she hoped it would not affect their professional partnership

჻ Luckily, to this day, Jinwoo Yoon is happily engaged and the professional ties with the boys and Chaeri continue to flow peacefully

❐ Hongjoong

჻ First met at MAMAs 2019, where ATEEZ appeared for the first time at the awards event

჻ In their performance they also included a tribute to the very famous BTS song, Blood sweat and tears

჻ This was so unexpected for Chaeri, who until then had been distracted greeting fans, that her reaction was broadcast on the big screen

჻ Pleasantly surprised at how much they were honouring the iconic song, she didn't take her eyes off them until the end of their performance

჻ Her first thought about ATEEZ was that they were talented and captivating to watch

჻ Only when they returned to their seats Chaeri realised that they were actually only a little further ahead than where she and her group had been positioned

჻ And everyone knows Chaeri and her 'act before you think' philosophy of life, do you think she missed the opportunity to go and congratulate them in person?

჻ So in theory there should be nothing wrong with that. But the fact that they were live and everyone could see her actions could, surely, lead to speculation about favouritism on their part for the neo-group. Add to that the fact that local newspapers would have taken the opportunity to add the words 'Chaeri' and 'Love at first sight' to the headlines of their articles.

჻ Precisely to alleviate all this, Jimin ran after her in order to make it seem as if the idea of approaching the boys came from both of them

჻ All ATEEZ members bowed gratefully, honoured to receive attention from their seniors at work

჻ Chaeri, more than Jimin, said she was impressed by their performance and would certainly look them up on the net

჻ Hongioong, as the leader/captain of the group, took the floor to thank them

჻ He, himself, believes he fell in love at that very moment. The moment she stood in front of them and, with great humility, congratulated them enthusiastically

჻ That the only BTS girl was a very nice person he already knew. As the fan he was, this detail had not escaped him but, in person, she was even more so.

჻ The conversation seemed to go on far too long for Namjoon's eyes, who was always observant of everything his members were doing

჻ Chaeri was so caught up in it that she was even about to sit next to the group of young men except that Jimin, after receiving a warning glare from his leader, gently told her it was time to return to their seats

჻ They didn't see each other for a long time but, shortly after the mentioned event, Hongioong wrote on his social profile that he was particularly excited about the new single Chaeri had released

჻ In response, the girl thanked him privately but the interactions between them stopped at that, for a long time

჻ The great thing about being an idol is that, most of the time, people were convinced they could follow their every move but actually had no idea how many ways they could cover their tracks and look like they were each in a different place when together, instead

჻ And stunt doubles spotted in passing, pre-recorded videos aired at the time, hints on their social networks, allowed EVERY YEAR all the 98' line idols to have a party in one of the most beautiful, exclusive and private hotels in Seoul.

჻ Chaeri has no memory of a year when she was not there. In fact she was one of the main host of the event

჻ Nor does she have any memory of a year where at least half the members of her group asked her to bring them along

჻ "You are too old to be at this party. I don't sneak into yours... well, most of the time."

჻ "And also, I have a date there"

჻ It wasn't true, she just wanted to make Jungkook pay (irrationally, of course) for making her jealous after something he did (not that she could blame him for it, they were forced not to be together but still her personality kept her from acting otherwise)

჻ What she didn't imagine was finding Jk and V at the party, after a matter of time

჻ To say she was angry would be understating it 

჻ "Pretend to be my date" Was what she said to Hongjoong when she approached him, without even waving at him first

჻ "What?" "Pretend to be my date" "Sure, I can... I can do that. But why?" " Does it matter?"

჻ Everything began that way

[JK and V's iconic appearance at the 98' line party ↴ ]

credits to medias owners

[hesperantha]

illegitimi non carborundum

➻ Pairing: Taehyung x reader (she/her) ➻ Rating: 18+ ➻ Genre: angst, fluff, smut. Established relationship, idol!au, slice of life.  Specifically fat reader inclusive. ➻ Words: 4.3k ➻ Warnings: existential idol angst, secret relationship, hair pulling, unprotected sex (make good choices) ➻ Summary: Everyone except you seems to be madly in love with your boyfriend’s new hairstyle. But really, just how many unspoken words can a few inches of hair hide in a relationship like yours? ➻ AN: for the lovely @justasparkwritings​ as part of the BTS Writers Club fic exchange. All the thanks to @chemicalpink and @hauntedlilies​ for being the most delightful beta readers!

“Look, I’ll show you. It’s good.” He’s already pulling out his phone, opening Twitter (his personal account), and scrolling through the thousands of enthusiastic comments on his recent (official) selfie to justify it.

You take the phone from him and begin reading the ongoing posts about it. Apparently user ‘jiminsphatass’ thinks he looks “daddy af” and user ‘iamabug273’ thinks that his mullet is not only acceptable but incredibly hot, and, further, wishes to be stepped on. You can’t keep your face from drawing into a grimace.

“Taehyung, that’s gross.”

He glowers at you. “Don’t judge. People are into that shit.”

“No, that part’s fine. I mean, I’d prefer it if they weren’t saying it about you, but public life and all that. But it’s a gross mullet. It looks bad. I flat-out don’t like it.”

“Yeah, well… I don’t like your shirt.” He’s kind of pouty about it, clearly grasping at straws.

You look him dead in the eye and take your shirt off. “Better?” you challenge.

His eyes flit from your face to your tits. You know you’re wearing a nasty laundry day bra, but right now you can’t bring yourself to give a shit. 

“I — That’s not fair.”

“You said you didn’t like it. It’s my shirt, comfy as fuck, and not yours to have an opinion about, but you didn’t like it and I got rid of it.”

He jams his tongue into his cheek and you suddenly realize that you’ve made a huge mistake. “Right, I see what you’re trying to say. But it’s ridiculous. Why would you take your shirt off just because I said I didn’t like it?”

“To prove a point.”

“Yeah… thanks for proving mine.” 

Of course you know he’s right, but you dig your heels in, loathing the mere thought of admitting it.  

And so, the mullet stays. Day after day, week after week he cultivates it. You catch him checking his reflection in the bathroom mirror, tipping his head back until the ends of his hair dip into the loose collar of his pajama top. His phone becomes home to a growing collection of selfies at angles that you’ve never seen before — angles designed to capture the full horror of it. 

Similarly, your shirt stays on. Your plan is to Lysistrata his ass. You wish you’d never said anything. Surely the thrill of a stupid haircut would have worn off by now if you’d just let it be. Instead, he’s stubbornly digging in, fluffing it out every change he gets, running his fingers through the ever-growing wavy strands.

You get hopeful one day when he comes over to your place wearing a hoodie and his bangs are just barely grazing his eyelashes. Your hopes are dashed, though, when he pushes it off and reveals that his new haircut was strictly a front-only ordeal. If anything, it’s worse now, like something straight out of a hillbilly nightmare.

“You look the way a banjo sounds,” you tell him.

“Banjos are amazing instruments with a rich history. Thank you very much.”

Before you can stop yourself, you roll your eyes. “I didn’t mean it as a compliment.”

“I know,” says Taehyung, yanking open the door of your fridge and gazing at its contents hopefully. “Do we have any cheese?”

“Middle shelf. Directly in front of you.”

He takes out a bag of mozzarella, sprinkles some into his mouth, then offers you a handful. You open your mouth to accept it, marveling at the way the contents of your fridge became something communal even though he has his own apartment and his own fridge and probably his own cheese. 

While you’re chewing, he toys with the back of his hair, twirling a lock around his fingers. You don’t want to admit it, but it’s kind of mesmerizing. The dark, glossy strands catch the light as they whip around the first knuckle of his index finger. He catches you staring.

“Admit it. It’s growing on you.”

“Technically, Taehyung, it’s growing on you.”

“You’re a little spicy today, Aein,” he says with a grin.

He might tease you, but you have a feeling that your occasionally hot temper is part of your appeal. He likes pushing your buttons. He likes the inevitable make-up sex even more — the kind where you take your anger out on him and maybe yell at him a bit. He asked you if he deserved to be slapped once after a particularly heated argument, and you’ve been meaning to circle back to that discussion. Now isn’t the time.

“I know what you’re up to,” you say.

He raises his eyebrows at you, eyes wide and innocent. “I would never! Although it’s been a while…”

“Aha,” you say blandly. “So you noticed.”

“Figured there was something bothering you. Didn’t want to pry.”

“Thanks for caring, I guess. Look. It’s the hair. Are they making you do that?”

“Nooo….”

“You can tell me if they are and I’ll forget all about it and never say another word.”

“Why would you think it isn’t my choice?”

You can’t believe you have to spell it out for him. “Because it never is, Taehyung. When was the last time you really had a say in your own life?”

“I have a say all the time!”

You roll your eyes, bracing for the argument he’s so fully internalized he doesn’t even realize it wasn’t his to begin with. “Do you really? Then where’s your fucking mixtape?”

You regret your words as soon as they’re out of your mouth. The mixtape is a step too far. It’s the sore spot that neither one of you has been willing to pick at. You’ve been dancing around it for months, afraid of revealing the wound underneath. 

A wound consisting of eight heart-wrenching love songs that can’t possibly be about generic ARMY but are most definitely about singular you. They’re unacceptably specific, detailing his utmost admiration for your adventurous spirit, the times he’s woken up smiling because of the mischievous glint in your dark eyes, and the way he lies awake at night wishing he were lost in the wonderland of your curves.

Well, seven are about you. Of course one is about Jimin because he would undoubtedly cry if it wasn’t. He’d cried anyway when he heard it.

“You know,” he spits out through gritted teeth. “You know full-well what happened to the fucking mixtape.”

This whole time you’ve been working on dinner, adding chopped ingredients to the big pot on the stove. You cover it, now, turn the heat down, turn to face him. 

His face is all hard the way it gets sometimes. Closed-off. He doesn’t mean to do it, but it’s ended more than one discussion, leaving things unfinished and raw when you took it to mean you weren’t welcome to continue and try to bind the edges.

The question you never want to ask crystallizes in the front of your mind, razor sharp and icy. You try to melt it, willing the edges to soften and blur into something less deadly. 

Them or me?

You’ve been his secret for almost a year. Well hidden, buried, all but forgotten. He kept you all to himself for four months until the dream of a work transfer to Seoul became a real possibility, and then a carefully outlined plan that was only confided in Yoongi because Taehyung desperately needed advice on how to make the logistics work. Two hours later the guilt of not telling Jimin ate through, so he knew too. 

He’d called you crying, terrified that the world would find out before the two of you even had a chance to start something remotely close to a life together. You had done your best to reassure him that it was safe; you’d be discrete, he’d learn to segregate the two halves of his life, and those who already knew would keep it to themselves. 

Soon after, Seokjin found out from Jimin, who then also called you, drunk and sobbing, blubbering apology after apology. You strongly suspect Jungkook at least has an inkling, although Taehyung has withdrawn from him so much that you can’t be sure. You live in constant fear of either Hoseok or Namjoon finding out about you, knowing that the consequences would be devastating if word got out and deeply doubting their ability to keep secrets. Your relationship with Taehyung has been the only one that’s lasted this long; the rest of them have had the occasional fling that fizzled out fast, posing no real threat of upsetting the delicate balance of fame and fraternal bonds.

And so it’s like this: you go about your own life. You work, you keep the house in tip-top condition, you call your mom every Sunday. You decline your co-workers’ offers to set you up on dates. You’ve declined so many times now that the offers have tapered off, much to your relief. 

Taehyung goes about his own life, or what passes for it. He works and works and works, because at the end of the day it’s all work in his life. And then, every now and then, there’s a precious moment of make-believe. He comes over to your place, disappears from the world for a week, and your love creeps incrementally forward. The rest of the time he still sends you late-night texts the way he did when you were first together, an ocean apart. They’re often silly, always sweet, sometimes more than a little heartbreaking. 

The last one that made you cry was: I saw a little girl who looked like ours.

What he doesn’t tell you is that you break his heart sometimes too. 

I’m so proud of you. (I worry about you.)

I miss you. (We don’t spend enough time together.)

I’m thinking of you tonight. (Why aren’t you here?)

You search his face for the answer to the question you don’t want to ask, afraid as always of what you’ll find. 

“It’s just hair,” he says. “It’s not about the hair at all, is it?”

“I really don’t know. I want it to be. It’s easier if it is, right? If it’s just hair? But what if it’s more than that?”

“You knew what you were signing up for,” he sighs defeatedly. 

“Did you, though? Do you? Is it what you want?”

“Don’t make me think. Don’t make me do this right now. I don’t want to waste time like this.”

Your kitchen is small, but the space between the two of you feels so vast that you don’t understand how he crosses it as quickly as he does, closing the distance and taking you in his arms. He buries his face in your shoulder. 

“It’s all yours,” he mumbles.

You reach up to run your fingers through his hair, letting the long strands slide through and catch the light from the small window over the sink.

“In that case I’ll keep it,” you answer, not meaning anything about his hair. 

He turns his head and mumbles something into your neck. You can’t make out his words but feel it with your whole body. It rumbles through you, warm and deep, and you lean into the sound. 

“Me too,” you say. “Forever.” You twirl a tendril around your index finger and pull it taught — both a promise and a question. 

I have you. Can I have you?

You turn to kiss his forehead, nosing aside his bangs and brushing your lips softly against his skin. 

Do I have you?

“You know I love all of you, right? Even the dumb parts. Even the foolish parts. The ones you hide away.”

He nods, still leaning against you. 

“Is it time?” you ask. “Do you need an out?”

There’s always been plan A: wait, enjoy the good parts, tolerate the rest, plan, prepare.

You offer plan B: a hasty, unpleasant shortcut. One in which the flames of fame will burn bright and ugly for a while, and then maybe extinguish for good.

Neither one of you wants plan B, but knowing that it’s there is almost reassuring. 

“Maybe after the next comeback. Or the next tour. Just one more tour — end with a bang. I don’t want it to end in a whimper.”

“It wasn’t a whimper. It was a weird year. The weirdest. But look how much you did in spite of it!”

“Ugh,” he sighs, knowing you have a point but clearly considering disagreeing anyway. “It was empty. An empty year. Hollow.”

“Intolerably hollow?”

“No. Depends on what fills it, I guess.”

His arms around you are stronger than they were when you first met him in person a year ago, evidence of more disciplined hours in the gym. His jaw is sharper too, and his eyes sadder. 

“Fill it with something beautiful for me,” you say. “Make it worthwhile.”

You press another kiss to his forehead and he looks up at you through his eyelashes.

“Aein. I’m sorry you don’t like the mullet, but I do.” The teasing lilt is back in his voice, a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his lips. 

“I could get used to it.” You give his overly-long hair a hard, purposeful tug. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really. Maybe cuddle first?”

“Ha. Like you won’t try to start something.” As if any ‘cuddle’ suggestion of his has ever not resulted in more.

He shrugs against you, not denying it. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

You really do want to, and smile at him in spite of yourself, then plant a kiss on the spot on his nose, which he scrunches at you. 

“Are you okay?” you ask. “Like, really okay? I worry about you.”

He doesn’t always answer right away when you ask the hard questions. Sometimes he tumbles the words around for a while, smoothing the rough edges, polishing. 

“I wish you wouldn’t worry about me. I know there’s a lot to worry about, but yeah, I’m okay. Can I make you a promise?” He stands up straight, earnest eyes meeting yours. 

“What promise?”

“I promise you can trust me...” He pauses, planning how to finish the sentence. “To tell you if I’m not okay.”

He holds out his pinky and you take it. While your finger is held tight in his, he adds: “And I need you to promise me something too.”

You wait for it. 

“Try to enjoy it while it lasts.”

It breaks your heart, knowing how hard it’s going to be to keep that promise. You’ll do it anyway.

“The soup — I should go stir it.”

He tightens his grip on your pinky, determined not to let you weasel out of it that easily.

“Promise me,” he urges you. “Please.”

You sigh, resigned. “I promise to try, Taehyung.”

“I’m serious about this. Need you to trust me.”

It’s rare that you see him this serious outside of the occasional stress-related meltdown. It’s a different kind of seriousness now, calm and steady. 

“Let’s enjoy it together. I promise.”

A grin spreads across his face as he pulls you into his arms again. “That’s my girl. Don’t let the bastards get you down.”

“Taehyung! Ew!” You shove him lightly as you extract yourself from his hug. “The mullet is one thing — I can’t have you referencing country songs in my home.”

“Illegitimi non carborundum...”

“Okay, fair point, but still.”

“And I’m standing by it.”

He can’t stop smiling now, proud beyond belief that he got to trot out his favorite fake-Latin phrase, and it’s perfect. The way the world shrinks to nothing but the two of you in your kitchen, anchored by the crinkled corners of his eyes and your hands planted firmly on your hips.

“I should go finish dinner,” you say. It’s a question.

“Can’t it wait?” he asks. It’s an answer.

“Yeah, it can.” It’s a promise. 

No matter how many times he’s been in your bedroom, he always hesitates at the door. There’s something about entering such a private space that feels a little sacrilegious.

“I hereby formally invite you in, you weirdo vampire,” you say with a laugh. 

Taehyung smiles in return, tugging off his shirt and draping it over the chair by your vanity. Somehow that’s become part of the script: through the doorway, shirt off immediately. The pants he’s wearing are loose and rest low on his hips, accentuating the soft, lean lines of his belly in ways that never get old. You want to drink him in. 

You smooth out the duvet and sit on the edge of your bed. He has that look in his eye — the one that means he might rush at you and tickle you until you’re weak and hiccupping, or he might ask you to do something unconventional. Last time it was a cock ring; the time before, ice. 

“I was thinking…” he begins, “what if…”

“Tae, no. Not this time. Just you.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything crazy, Vanilla Bean.”

Vanilla Bean? Your eyebrows shoot up at the teasing nickname. 

“Just going to ask if you could...” he continues, crossing the room and sitting next to you, hands on his thighs.

“Has it been so long that we’re going to be all awkward now?” you ask. “Did we forget how it works?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Then what?”

He takes a breath, organizing his words. “I know you hate it. A lot. The hair, I mean. And you think I look stupid. But…” He kind of drifts off, waiting for you to finish the thought for him.

“But you liked it when I did this, right?” You reach up to slide your hand into the mess of wavy hair at the back of his head, grasping it between your fingers, twisting.

He bites his lip.

“And you want me to do it again, don’t you?”

He nods, then breathes in sharply as the movement of his head makes your grip on his hair even tighter. “Straight to my dick.”

“Is it the pain?”

“Kind of. Maybe.” Another sharp breath as you trace the planes of his chest with your free hand, skimming over a nipple. “But also feeling like you’re holding me in place. A tether.”

You reach down to the button of his pants, flip it open as he unconsciously and oh-so-subtly spreads his legs apart. Another tug and he’s inching toward your hand, hips lifting off the bed. You pull your hand away and swing your leg over, straddling him and effectively pinning him to the bed.

“Tae,” you croon close to his ear, “You’re not going anywhere. I’ve got you.”

“Only because I have you too, Aein. But I wish you’d gotten undressed before hopping on.”

“Maybe I just want to make you feel good,” you say with a smile. “Or maybe I’m still not over the whole malicious mullet-growing and my shirt’s going to stay on.”

“Pants too?” He sticks out his lower lip in a ridiculous pleading pout. 

“You look like an emoji,” you tell him, then lean forward to capture his bottom lip between your teeth. 

While he kisses you hungrily you’re conscious of his tiny thrusts, barely more than rocking, surely not enough friction in the tight space between your body and his. 

“Did you realize you’re doing that?”

His cheeks flush a little darker, and you return one hand to the back of his head and give his hair another tug. This time a whisper of a moan slips past his lips. 

You want to wind him up good. It’s been so long and you almost hate to make him wait a second longer than necessary, but he’s so sweet like this that you want to make it last. 

It takes a little effort, but you manage to work a hand in between the two of you and shimmy down his zipper so that you can reach in and wrap your hand around his length outside his boxers. 

“Fuck,” he says inelegantly, rutting against your cupped hand. “Fuck fuck fuck!”

You’re much more composed than he is, and there’s a laugh in your voice when you ask: “Is that a threat or a promise?”

“Promise — fuck — pinky swear. Aegiya, why are you still dressed?”

“Should I stop and get undressed?”

“I — fuck.” He’s horror struck by the choice, both options delightful and both horrible. You offer a better option. 

“Lemme watch you while I do. Pants off.”

You hop off his lap as quickly as you can without falling over and watch him pull the rest of his clothing off with desperate urgency. His cock is red and angry-looking already and you’re halfway tempted to finish him off fast with your mouth and then make him take his time with you. 

“Go ahead,” you urge, knowing he won’t push himself too close. His eyes drift closed as his long, elegant fingers wrap around his cock, thumb swiping through the bead of pre-cum gathered at the tip and spreading it. He takes it slow, pushing up into his fist, rotating his hand, sliding down the shaft at a snail’s pace.

“Now you,” he reminds you, opening lust-blown eyes to look at you directly.

Other times you might feel self-conscious under his candid gaze, awkward as he watches you strip. Now, though, you’re willing to make a show of it, slow and tantalizing. His mouth falls slack when you unbutton your shirt, eyes lingering on the satin cups of your bra and the lines of ink above. This part of you is usually hidden, a secret shared between the two of you. He reaches out for you with the hand not currently wrapped tight around his dick.

“Not yet,” you say. You take your time letting your shirt drop from your arms, followed by your bra. As always, his eyes always go wide at the sight of your breasts before him. On impulse, you cup them in your own hands, squeezing gently, making a show of their delicious abundance. You pinch your nipples until they’re stiff and aching, and watch as he unconsciously licks his lips, longing for a taste.

“Fuck me,” he says. It’s a prayer.

“I will. Eventually.”

He groans and lets go, moves his hand down to cup his balls. “Please. Want you so bad.”

That’s all the prompting it takes for you to finish undressing and reclaim your seat, straddling his thighs. You bring a hand to his jaw and lean in for a kiss, eager to resume where you left off previously. While your kiss deepens, your tongue slipping between his lips to find his, he reaches between your legs and slides two fingers along the folds of your cunt, indirect and teasing.

“Do it again,” he begs you.

You don’t want to deny him anything. Winding his long hair around your fingers and pulling it tight in your fist, you lean against him as he finds the center of your pleasure, touching lightly at first, then pressing hard as you grind down. He lets you use him, taking what you need, giving you what you demand as you buck against his hand. His other hand is on your hip, holding tight as if he’ll float away if you’re not tethered together.

It’s been weeks too long. The building pleasure gets to be too much, devastating and desperate, bringing you close to the edge. You’d thought for a moment that you wanted him begging and wild, but now all you want is him.

“Tae-tae,” you say. “Lie back.”

His eyes are dark and blown when he does, leaning back against the pillows with his hands on your hips, guiding you.

When you lower yourself down on his cock, he closes his eyes again, overwhelmed. You can’t take all of it right away, so you brace yourself with your arms, hands planted by his shoulders, and let him fuck into you shallowly from below.

“Fuck,” he moans again, needier and less restrained than before. “Aegiya, you’re so wet for me... Feel so good. So fucking good. I just wanna live here forever…” 

You scramble to find his hands, holding tight, pinning them to the bed on either side of his head. It changes the angle, brings you face to face so you can kiss him as he pistons desperately into you, strokes quickly becoming fast and sloppy as he approaches his peak. You grind against him, his pelvis meeting your clit with every stroke, driving you to your own peak faster than you thought possible.

His name on your lips as waves of pleasure rip through you propels him to the edge and he comes, buried in you, with a final drawn-out groan as your walls clench and flutter around him.

You slowly ease off of him and go to the bathroom to quickly pee and clean up. While you’re washing your hands, you hear the rustle of blankets and hope he hasn’t gotten up to go stand naked in your kitchen and eat soup directly out of the pot.

He hasn’t. He’s just straightened them out and is lying on the bed, arms spread in invitation.

“You know,” you say, lying back down (soup be damned) and rolling into his waiting arms, “it’s okay if sometimes they do get you down.”

“Who?”

“The bastards.”

“Ah. The general ‘they’. They don’t though.”

You hum contemplatively, pushing your own sweat-damp hair away from your face.

“I mean, it’s just for show. Temporary. Not like this.” He hugs you a little closer, indicating this means you.

“I can’t tell if you’re talking about your career or your mullet.”

“That’s okay with me.”

➻ Q&A with some additional story tidbits

[ggukiepie]

learned to love - kth

pairing: taehyung x reader

summary: kim taehyung thought you were meant to stay in his life forever, but maybe you were just a lesson he needed to learn

genre: breakup!au, idolverse, angst, sfw

word count: 3,676

a/n: had this with me for quite a while now so why not post it right !! anyway, this was inspired by the song eight by iu and yoongi :--) enjoy !

---------

Taehyung tightens his grip, his hand on the steering wheel and the other out the window, feeling the breeze through his fingers as he drives by. He looks intently at the road in front of him, cars starting to blur as he drives fast. He’s trying to forget about what just happened, what he just did, but your face keeps popping in his head. He keeps remembering the knowing look you gave him, how tightly you wrapped your arms around him in an embrace, the soft touch of your lips against his. He also remembers your eyes tearing up, and then closing to look away from him. He’s not sure if he did the right thing.

He didn’t mean for this to happen. He didn’t mean for this to get too far, too ugly, too broken for saving. He just wanted to be happy and to live in the moment, but he realized not all moments are happy moments. The truth and reality sets in eventually, and Taehyung realized reality was not a pretty sight to see.

But still. Whether he did the right or wrong thing, he knows for a fact he does not regret a single thing at all. He does not regret anything with you—because feeling regret would release the monster inside and consume him whole and he did not want to live a life with no soul.

He remembers the first time he saw you. Well, it was the first time he actually saw you, but after meeting you he’s realized you both have crossed paths many times already. But he never truly noticed you until that day. You were an intern at the company, specifically under BTS, which meant you were in charge of fixing all their documents, preparing coffee for their meetings and whatnot. You were too shy to strike up a conversation with any of them—because who wouldn’t be? They were technically your bosses and you were just…well, an intern—so you always avoided eye contact whenever you were in the same room with any of them and you didn’t linger any longer than you had to. It wasn’t because they were stuck up, egocentric idols—because God, they were far from that. It was because you were just really shy and it wasn’t like you had anything to talk about in the first place. The most you have said to them before that day was, “Can you sign here, please?”

But that day, Taehyung remembers clearly, he was running late to the meeting when he saw you come out the kitchenette holding a tray full of snacks—and Taehyung knew the snacks were for him and the boys because they always requested those during meetings. He didn’t think, really, because all he did was walk up to you, murmured Let me help, and got the tray from you. You stood there, a bit dumbfounded, but managed a small smile at his kind gesture. Taehyung smiled right back, as if on impulse, and he realized your smile was infectious.

“This is for the meeting, I suppose?” he asked to which you nodded. You walked side by side in silence until you reached the conference room. Taehyung tried not to stare at you during the entirety of the meeting. You were seated in front, right beside the group’s lawyer. You were taking down notes, nodding your head to what your boss was saying. Sometimes you chewed the bottom of your lip as if you were deep in thought. Sometimes you would let out a little exhale.

Taehyung always became reserved towards people he did not know or had not known for a long time, but with you, he felt like he wanted to be your friend. He also felt like he was stupid because how could he feel that way towards someone he barely talked to?

That was the first time Taehyung actually noticed you and since then, he’s been trying his best to bump into you whenever he was at the company. But the legal department and artists’ area were practically at opposite ends of the building, so he always felt a little stupid and embarrassed to be caught in your side of the building because he knew he had nothing of importance to be there anyway.

But he justified that reason by telling himself it was important trying to see you, to talk to you, to get to know you. Call it cliché, if you will, but there was just something that drew him to you. Always.

So he found himself going to the company earlier than he should be, going there even though he didn’t have to at all. He found himself wandering to the legal department almost every day. Sometimes he saw you and sometimes he did not. But the times he did see you, he would always make it a point to walk up to you and strike a conversation. He would say the first thing that came to his head really, and most of the time it made you laugh, which made his heart soar, so he always made it a point to start off with a random topic.

Months passed and you knew a lot about each other already. But those months always consisted meetings and bump ins at the hallway. There were never actual hangouts, eating lunch together, or Taehyung walking you to your desk. He knew you were an intern and if your boss ever saw you and Taehyung hanging out and would think otherwise… He never wanted to put your job at risk. He never wanted to cross that line.

Until one day. Jimin had caught on Taehyung’s unusual newfound habit of wandering to the legal department “by mistake” or Jimin-ah, I’m walking around to find inspiration and I always end up here! Jimin caught on the long looks you gave each other, the small smiles you shared, or how you and Taehyung always entered the conference room at the same time, Taehyung always, always carrying the tray of snacks.

So Jimin devised a plan. It wasn’t a special plan to begin with—Jimin just planned that he would talk to your boss as a distraction while Taehyung would ask you out. Taehyung’s eyes nearly bugged out at the idea. It wasn’t that he never thought of asking you out—because he did, almost every time he talked to you, but the words would die on his lips. He was just never brave enough to do so, because he knew the repercussions, sad as it may seem. He knew it would be hard to work things out—firstly, you worked at the same place and people would see differently and think differently if they saw an intern dating an idol, in the same company she worked at. Secondly, your safety and privacy would be jeopardized if people ever found out. Taehyung knew there were always stalkers out there and your identity would be out on the internet the second they’d know. Taehyung’s used to the hate and criticisms now but maybe you might not be able to handle it, should people ever find out. Taehyung’s thought about all this, he’s thought so far ahead that Jimin had to slap some sense into him.

“It’s just one date, Tae,” Jimin would always find himself saying. “One date won’t hurt, right?”

“But—”

“Taehyung-ah, stop it with your excuses! Stop being so scared and thinking about the what ifs,” Jimin started to say. Taehyung knows the speech that’s coming, has it almost memorized per word, but now does he truly realize the weight of what Jimin’s words mean. “You just have to live life, you know? Start living in the moment and stop fearing the future. Go out and experience things, for once! Fall in love, get drunk, get your heart broken, break some hearts… You won’t actually know what’s out there if you don’t take that step. Step out of your comfort zone, Taehyung. Nothing ever grows in comfort zones.”

Taehyung doesn’t know why Jimin always ends up talking about comfort zones, but he knows his friend has a point. Also, meeting you and getting to know you made Taehyung want to experience those things, things that spoke of normalcy but were alien to him given the kind of life he lived—he wanted to fall in love, he wanted to feel those butterflies everyone talked about during a first date, he wanted to feel nervous to hold someone’s hand, to kiss someone, he wanted to celebrate anniversaries and holidays with someone. And somehow, after all his thinking, he always pictured that someone being you. Taehyung wanted to experience and live life with you, and asking you out for one date wouldn’t hurt, right?

While Jimin started talking to your boss, conveniently standing in front of him to block his view from your desk, Taehyung walked to where you were sitting. You look up startled, of course, because you and Taehyung never talked in your work area. It was always in the halls, in the elevator, anywhere that seemed like a secret and not something planned, when actually it was always planned.

“Do you want to have dinner with me?” he asked in a rush. Taehyung kept looking at your boss’ desk which made you look too. You saw Jimin talking to him then looked back at Taehyung staring intently at you, and somehow you knew what they were trying to do. This made you smile of course, but there was a tiny voice at the back of your head saying this was a bad idea. But even if it was, what could one bad idea do, right?

“Sure,” you found yourself saying almost right away. You had been waiting for this moment of course. When you and Taehyung would cross the line.

In all honesty, Taehyung wasn’t expecting you to say yes right away. Hell, he wasn’t expecting you to say yes at all. But here you were, smile wide on your face and looking up at him. He was ready to explain why one date wouldn’t hurt, why if you declined, that it would be okay, that Taehyung was ready to apologize for crossing the line. But you said yes, and now he was at a loss for words.

“Well?” you giggled at his silence.

At that moment Taehyung swore he knew at least three words, but now, none were coming back. It was only then did you touch his hand that he snapped back to reality.

“That’s… That’s great. Wow,” he breathed out and brushed his hair back. “I wasn’t expecting you to say yes right away.” You laughed and Taehyung felt his heart soar again. In that moment he knew it was his new favorite sound and that he wanted to hear it every day of his life. “Does tomorrow sound good?”

“Yeah, tomorrow would be great,” you replied with a smile.

The date entailed a late-night dinner at the rooftop of the company building. Taehyung made sure your boss and most of the staff had gone home for the day, save for the boys who practiced late at night and their manager who stayed as long as they did.

It was nothing special, really—the rooftop was empty and well-lit so it was just a simple dining set up with that dinner that consisted of take-out from your favorite restaurant (which Taehyung found out the third time he “bumped” into you). He had to convince his manager to help him set up everything and he was glad enough that he didn’t ask Taehyung any questions about it.

The moment you both sat down was when Taehyung realized that his feelings for you were actually real and not just some made-up infatuation a high school student would get. It wasn’t just some crush because God—you were far from being just his crush. You were something more to him, something a single word couldn’t accurately describe. Taehyung just knew in his heart you would be important to him some day. Not now, of course, that you guys were just still getting to know each other and learning to trust one another, but in the future. He knew you would be in his life forever. And that made him smile.

He drove you home that night and walked you to your apartment, mostly because he didn’t want you to walk alone at night and partly that he didn’t want to say goodbye just yet. He remembered asking if he could kiss you. He remembered the way you smiled and nodded your head. He remembered the feel of his lips on yours, your fingers playing with the ends of his hair, his hands tightening around your waist. He remembered his heart clenching and soaring, doing flips and other things he couldn’t explain. He remembered feeling everything and nothing at once.

More late-night dates came after that. It was always late at night and always at the company building during the early stage of your relationship. You weren’t complaining of course because you understood the circumstances that surrounded your relationship with Taehyung. And Taehyung knew that you understood, but sometimes you could see the worry etched on his face whenever you would go to the rooftop for dinner, or hangout in his studio for drinks because you knew Taehyung wanted to do more with you. Wanted to do normal things with you.

But the secrecy and hiding around… God, was it hard.

Only Jimin knew what was going on between you both. He saw the way you both pointedly ignored each other during meetings, how Taehyung would give you a strained smile when all he wanted to do was kiss your lips. It was hard on your part trying to maintain an almost non-existent relationship with Taehyung in public. It was equally hard for him, too.

Sometimes Taehyung would think if he did the wrong thing asking you out. If your relationship was wrong. If it was a bad idea. He’d tell you of course and you’d always jokingly say, “One bad idea couldn’t hurt, right?”

But bad ideas became a thing in your relationship. Sometimes that bad idea was having a late-night picnic in a park without telling his manager when he’s always supposed to tell their manager of their whereabouts. Sometimes it would be Taehyung coming to a photoshoot late because last night the both of you were hanging out at your apartment and barely got any sleep because all you did was talk and kiss and laugh and be in love. Sometimes it would always be taking a train to the outskirts of the city, whenever Taehyung had a day off and you didn’t have work or school. During those moments he didn’t care if people would recognize him. All that mattered to him was you and that you were happy, and that you were happy with him. And sometimes, that bad idea would be skipping an early morning meeting with the music team because your most recent fight with him kept him up all night. Sometimes the bad ideas would be sermons from his manager, your boss scolding you for not paying attention, or Namjoon getting mad at Taehyung for being late and missing practice all the time. To Taehyung, it didn’t matter much because this is what living life felt like, right? Falling in love and making mistakes and saying yes to bad decisions. Being reckless. And then making things right. Taehyung just wanted to experience that with all of you.

It went on for a year and a half. The both of you have matured since then—less of saying yes to bad ideas and more of going to practice on time and attending meetings fully prepared. Taehyung couldn’t deny that you’ve become one of the most important people in his life. By then, you were already close to his family as he was to yours. The other members already knew about your relationship and it made Taehyung even happier that they’ve accepted you into their little circle.

But as time went by, Taehyung realized something was always missing. There was just something out of place, or something not working the way it should be. Just a minor nuisance, but something he couldn’t exactly pinpoint, which frustrated him to a great end. There was a shift in your relationship, but he didn’t realize what that shift was until one day.

You were smiling less, talking less, laughing less. What had become Taehyung’s most favorite sound in the world was now some sort of a distant memory. Taehyung had changed too. He was making less of an effort at work, putting less meaning into his performances and music. He was smiling less, too, and he didn’t know why. He didn’t know what changed between the both of you. Your relationship was great, close to perfect, so why did it feel like it was crumbling now?

Taehyung couldn’t tell the exact moment things shifted. But he found himself happy when you both weren’t fighting and he found himself in a bad mood when you were. And this would carry on for the whole day or until things were right again between you two. The members noticed this as well—that Taehyung’s mood always depended on yours.

Maybe it was because of that, Taehyung thought—that you depended on each other so much. Or that your bad ideas actually became bad ideas—that his world entirely revolved around you when it should include the other important aspects in his life like his career, family, and friends. Or how you would drop your studies to hang out with Taehyung whenever he had a day off. The two of you seemed to revel in each other’s love entirely which in the end, wasn’t healthy at all. It brought out all your bad habits and bad sides and it was just bad, bad, bad.

Taehyung did not expect things would go this far. He always told himself, BTS over anything, BTS over everything. But then you came along, caught his heart with just your laugh, and he knew he was a goner.

Taehyung tried to fix things, of course he would. He didn’t want to lose you at all. You tried to fix your relationship as well, but you always found yourself at the same place after talking things out.

Taehyung knew he had to make a decision before things went too bad. His career was on the line. Your career and studies were on the line. You were too caught up in each other that you were starting to forget about what really mattered. Maybe this was how first loves always turned out? Taehyung always wondered that maybe you were just the person he needed at that time in his life, and he was the same person you needed too. Taehyung wondered that maybe you were just the right person that came at the wrong time, or the wrong person at the right time? But Taehyung thought you were the right person, and he knew it was never the wrong time with the right person.

But things were starting to get ugly.

You were already living together that day. It used to feel like home to Taehyung, but when he stepped in that day it did not feel like home at all. It felt cold and different. Earlier that day he’d been practicing what to tell you and he was just about to say his speech when he saw you walk in the living room. He knew by the look on your face that you knew as well. He forgot most of what he practiced in his head, but he said all the important parts. That maybe you were just the person he needed during that time in his life, that maybe you were just some lesson, some experience he needed to live life. Some first love he needed to get over, some heartbreak to go through. You weren’t teenagers in love but adults that needed to start making mature decisions and not saying yes to bad ideas all the time.

You keep nodding through it all and when Taehyung was done talking, you said your sentiments as well. You felt the same way, thought the same thoughts—that maybe you just needed Taehyung at that point in your life to actually live life and experience things. Maybe he was just a lesson to you as well.

So the two of you said your goodbyes with tears rolling down your cheeks. Taehyung silently cried as he helped you pack your things. He cried as he loaded your belongings in your car. He cried as he kissed you goodbye for the last time, said I love you for the last time, hugged you for the last time. He cried as he watched you get in your car and drive off.

He stopped crying, though, once he got in his own car and started driving.

Which brings him back to the present, head now clear and cheeks dried from the tears earlier. Taehyung keeps thinking on what you two had, on what you two shared. He’d like to think you are the love of his life, as you are his. But in the end, it didn’t turn out that way. Taehyung thought you were meant to stay in his life forever, but maybe you were just a lesson he needed to learn. To learn what? To learn how to live life, how to love, how to put others before himself, the list went on. He’s learned so much from you, honestly, that he doesn’t regret what you two shared. Maybe his soulmate is out there and maybe he’ll meet that person someday. Maybe you’ll cross paths again, when things are right. Taehyung’s not sure about a lot of things right now—just a bunch of maybes and what ifs. But what Taehyung knows for sure amidst all the maybes—that you’ll always hold a special place in his heart.

[ggukkieland]

Hi. How are you? I hope you're doing good. 😊 I've been following you for quite some time and I usually check your recommendations and even checked your other link for those. So thank you so much for doing so because I've expanded my horizon to other authors and their stories. 💕

I just want to ask if you have some reco's for idol aus? I've been looking for some to read since I'm already reading Foolish Love, Fake Love so that's recommeded by you and it was written really nice that I've been rereading it and now I'm craving for more Idol aus. Hehe thank you again. Hope you have a great day ahead. - EJ💙

🌹 Hi EJ! I want to say your message and tone overall is just so warm? It made me smile and want to keep conversing with you 🥰. You’re welcome, I try to share as many authors, fics, discoveries, etc. I find interesting and glad others are discovering them too 💛💜.

Ah yes, for Idol AUs I actually panic every time I get an ask about this because it’s actually not part of my top 10 AUs (I listed my top AUs here). I feel like I’m forgetting a favorite fic when asked about Idol!au fic recs most of the time. The Foolish Love, Fake Love series I was drawn to the bodyguard/E2L component and I have to be reminded it’s an idol fic 🤭.

So, please accept this kind of messy quick list 😁  

🌹 Quick List of BTS IDOL AUs*

This is not as organized as I’d like it to be. I sort of pulled all the titles from:

reblogged ongoing series I’m reading (main blog) - tagged as #ongoing

monthly reading lists (main) - I also recommend going through each list and searching (I just know I missed some fics). I tag it well so just CRTL+F the word “Idol” to give you the fics

fic recs by theme (sideblog) - same process, I just searched each list and found the ones with “idol” tags

some of the fichunting asks (sideblog) - I filtered ones I’d like to recommend

Please try the readers’ recommendation too - I think there are some recos that are idolverse

*I didn’t include AO3 fics.

🌹 reblogged ongoing fics +  from my monthly reading lists (note: most are still incomplete)

Smoke and Mirrors minyoongijjangjjangmanboongboong  - ongoing series Solo Idol!Jungkook, Gamer!Jungkook, Makeup Artist!Reader, Manager!Seokjin, Florist!Hoseok

The Dream Anthology @hobiandsprite -  JJK | ongoing, soulmate au, vet!reader, friends to lovers

Just Facts @yoongiiverse - JJK |  ongoing SMAU, E2L, dancer!reader

Foolish Love, Fake Love @manggojooz - JJK |  bodyguard!reader, E2L ⭐

Angel’s Trumpet @hansolmates - JJK |  supernatural au, alternate universe *series complete*

Navy @jjkfire -  JJK | childhood friends, secret identity/pseud  ⭐

Don’t Hold Your Breath @ilikemesometaetaes - JJK |  more of rockstar!au, exes au  ⭐

Open When @iluv-hobi - JJK | letter form, just fluff

Paper Doll @winetae - JJK | exes AU  ⭐

Playmates @scribblemetae - OT7 | 22.6k+ | Idol AU, Sex Worker AU, Strangers to Lovers

Price of a Wish @joonclouds - JHS | idol!hoseok, rich!reader ⭐

ILYSB @rkiverse - JJK | one shot | 11.1k | idol au, broken-hearted jungkook, love clinic staff reader, fake dating but not really (more of part of therapy) | F, A

The Night We Met @leftonraed -  KTH | 18.2k+ | Single Dad AU, Bodyguard AU, Idol AU | A, F  ⭐

Replacement @akinnie75 - KSJ | one shot | 24.5k | Fantasy AU, idolverse, body swap AU | F  ⭐

A Bite of the Apple @jinpire - PJM | one shot | 8.6k |  Supernatural AU, Vampire AU, Idol AU | S

Oh What a World [100k] @cutechim - PJM | A, S, F, fake/arranged marriage au, fallen idol au (being edited and reposted)

Tongue Tied @btssavedmylifeblr - 12k | PJM | S, F, minor A,  crack, demon au, idol verse, established relationship, pwp

Physcom @teawithkpop - OT7 x sex worker!reader

Not Allowed @whatifyoulivelikethat - MYG x Reader x Jungkook, real-time idolverse  

The Accountant @avveh - JJK | one shot | 3.4k | Idol AU, hired to relieve his stress 😉 | S, PWP

Strings Attached  @jimidol  - JJK | one shot | 4.4k | Idol AU, Friends to Lovers, FWB AU | S, F

from ggukkiereads:  completed fics + fichunting asks (will include asks that I’d recommend) + others in my drafts

Bands @xpeachesncream - JJK | Stripper!reader

There’s a section for IDOL AUs in this themed series  ⭐

Lost & Found @alpacaparkaseok - PJM | soulmate AU where OC cut the red string of fate. ⭐this is angsty nice

Book of Soulmates @/alpacaparkseok - JJK |  soulmate drabble that’s really cute

Just One Kiss @bangtsblossom - JJK |  established relationship, one baking day (fluffy smutty)

Appetence @jiminimoon - JJK |  canon-compliant,  established relationship, smut (I think the scenario was after JPN tour)

Owned @7deadlysinsfics -  JJK | secret relationship, interpreter!reader, pwp

Comfort Inn Ending @joonbird - JJK |  break up au, exes au, themes of infidelity, prepare tissues!, but satisfying ending for each character⭐

Hidden Stars @jungblue - JJK x R x MYG |this is so nostalgic to me since this is a classic. funny thing is it never registered on me that it is an idol au because I was so focused on the relationships  ⭐

Lost Stars @smoochkooks  - JJK | childhood friends, fuckboy au  ⭐

Angels and Airwaves @yeojaa - JJK | gamer!jk  ⭐

Recrudescence @chimchimsauce​ - OT7 x supernatural  ⭐

Baby, You’re Bad @forgottenpasta​ -  yoongi x pregnant!reader x taehyung (yoongi as sperm donor)

Sugar High @yeojaa - JJK |  series [16/16] | 33k | unrequited love, slow burn, childhood friends au, idol au |  F

Plot Twist @kimnjss​​ - KNJ | smau | Idol AU, Rapper AU, Rich Girl AU, Enemies to Lovers | A, S, F

Are You Going to Stay @hollyhomburg​ -  JJK | fuckboy, soulmate au, bestfriends to lovers

Be my Baby by @kimnjss - MYG | social media au, angst, exes to lovers au, fluff, smut, idol au  ⭐

Ghost Marriage @akinnie75- JJK | fantasy, idol au, kind of arranged marriage  ⭐

Ripped Jeans @kookiesjoonies - JJK | idol!au x seeing him in ripped jeans 🥵

Bloom + Sequel  @jamaisjoons - PJM | two shot | idolverse, hanahaki | A, F

Dead Roses @guksthighs​ - KNJ | drabble | idolverse, established rel (they’re like dating but no confessions of love), hanahaki | A, F

2 Years of Lost Time @kpopisthereasonihavenolife - JJK | one shot, 5.9k | strangers to bestfriends, idol!jk, hanahaki | A, F

The Fitting @noona-la-la-la​ - JJK | stylist!reader  ⭐

Also try @cupofteaguk​ fics - they have great idol fics in their masterlist  such as:   ⭐  all too well (series) | the endless winter (soulmate pjm) |  take my hand (amnesia)  ⭐

Always in my Dreams @sunshinekims​ - KNJ | soulmate au, dream au ⭐this is so nice, I’ve forgotten that Namjoon is actually an Idol here. I was too focused on the soulmate/dreams part

Make Me Proud @moonscriptsx​ - Agust D, both idols (part of my daechwita fic recs)

Hobi’s girl @v-hope​ - post-concert; hobi noticed a fan

Tactile Amnesia @tayegi - MYG | accident

Through the Night @nightbts - JJK |  stylist!reader, friends to lovers

I think my blogs are difficult to navigate now because tag search don’t yield all results (which I am currently fixing). But I hope you’ll find new favorites here! 💙💛💜

Enjoy and thank you for your kind message. Have a great day too!