#val miller

[delborovic]

Vampires are friends ♥

Val of course. Very Lost Boys inspired- her aesthetic has always been Lost Boys/Terminator crossover

[janaispunk]

it’s nice to have a friend

this is a secret santa gift for @wethairjoel - merry christmas my love 🫶🏻

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

word count: ~2.6k

summary: Joel and you have been best friends for years, but maybe this Christmas it’s time for the both of you to admit that that’s not all you want. (Goddamn I should write Hallmark movies)

tags: no outbreak!AU, friends to lovers, idiots in love, Sarah is alive, Ellie is reader’s sister, able-bodied reader, bits of angst/jealousy, Joel being emotionally constipated, mentions of alcohol consumption, FLUFF <3

dividers by @/saradika-graphics who is amazing!

full masterlist here / follow @janaispunknotifs and turn on notifications for fic updates!

much love to @reddedmiller for assuring me that this is cute and not terrible, i love you 🫶🏻

“Ellie, come on! They’re here!”

Your back is turned to the door as you’re yelling up the staircase, waiting for your younger sister to finally come down. You turn around, fixing the open door and your waiting friend Joel with a tired smile.

“Hi,” you sigh, waving at Sarah, who’s waiting in the backseat of Joel’s truck.

“Rough morning?” Joel chuckles and lets you pull him into a quick hug.

As you’re nodding, Ellie finally comes trudging down the stairs, her backpack haphazardly thrown over one shoulder and her hair in a loose ponytail. She wordlessly flips you the bird as she walks past you and you roll your eyes, used to her grumpy mood in the morning.

“Sorry,” you mutter in Joel’s direction, ushering her out of the door, “didn’t mean to make you guys late.”

Joel laughs and shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it, darlin’, it’s no big deal.”

He casually throws an arm over your shoulder as he leads you to his car and opens the passenger side’s door for you while Ellie is already climbing in beside Sarah.

Joel starts the car and makes his way to the girls’ school, the radio playing soft rock music in the background and the girls chattering away behind you.

“Thanks again for doing this,” you smile at Joel.

“‘Course. You’re the one doin’ me a favor here, really.”

Joel and you had both agreed to take the day off and go shopping for Christmas presents for your girls while they were at school.

You had moved to Austin two years ago, a few months after becoming Ellie’s legal guardian. Ellie and Sarah had classes together and had quickly become best friends, easing your worries about Ellie being an outsider at her new school, and they asked to spend more time together outside of classes almost constantly.

That’s how you met Joel, the both of you bonding over being the sole caregiver for your girls and being younger than most other parents at the school. It’s an easy friendship and one that you cherish greatly. Joel is a good friend, making you laugh when you’re with him, always willing to help if anything at your house needs fixing, hosting barbecues for the four almost every weekend in the summer, and someone you can always turn to for parenting advice.

So what if he’s also so handsome that it almost hurts to look at him sometimes and your heart rate still picks up when he’s close to you? When you had first started hanging out more, you had thought that there might be more between you, with the way he kept calling you “darlin’” and the flirty remarks he threw at you, but nothing more ever happened and he never gave you any indication that he wanted anything more, so you figured that it was just his southern charm and that he treated everybody like this. Not wanting to screw up the one real friendship that you had managed to build in your new hometown, you continued to swallow down any deeper feelings, any attraction that you might feel towards him.

You drop the girls off at school and continue the drive downtown, stopping on the way for a coffee. Joel, who you have never seen drinking anything else than plain black coffee, teases you relentlessly over the Christmas themed drink with syrup and an obnoxious amount of whipped cream that you have picked for yourself. It’s a never ending discussion that comes up every time you have coffee together and one that you've gotten used to, with Joel not understanding why you would taint the coffee’s taste and you not understanding how he’s able to drink the bitter beverage without smoothing it out with milk at least.

When you finally reach the mall, already packed with bustling crowds of Christmas shoppers, you sigh. At least you’re not alone, and you have a plan of what you want to get. You pull out the list of potential gifts and stores where you might get them that you had written the night before, making Joel chuckle.

“Always prepared for anythin’, huh?”

You grin back and nudge him with your elbow. “You’re gonna thank me later, trust me.”

“Don’t doubt it,” he mutters and follows you through the crowd of people, a calming presence by your side.

You make a good team, somehow both more equipped to pick out presents for the other’s young girl. Sarah had wished for new CDs, movies and posters of her favorite bands to redecorate her room, an endeavor that you’re more than happy to help with. Ellie wants new strings and picks for her guitar, one that you had bought second hand and that Joel is teaching her to play almost every weekend, and new drawing utensils.

Due to your thorough planning, you manage to secure all the goods before noon, a fact that you don’t hesitate to rub into Joel’s face and he reluctantly agrees that this shopping trip had been done much faster than if he had gone alone, playing up his grumpy demeanor but you know him well enough to see the warm and playful glint in his eyes.

Since you still have a few hours to yourselves until the girls will return from school, you decide to get another coffee and maybe a snack together, this time actually sitting down in a café rather than picking it up. You’re treating yourself to another fancy drink, Joel is sipping on another black coffee and you’re sharing a blueberry muffin while you’re talking about your plans for the holidays.

Ellie and you will be over at the Millers for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, a tradition that you had established last year and that you’re more than grateful for. You love Ellie and she’s the only family that you care about, but you want her to have the best time possible, especially at Christmas.

Joel excuses himself to use the bathroom and leaves you alone at the table. You’re aimlessly scrolling through your phone when another person sits down in Joel’s seat. You look up slowly, taking in the guy in front of you. Slim, blonde, about your age, kind of handsome, you presume, if that part of your mind wasn’t taken up by another man. But that’s not a thought that you’re supposed to have, you try reminding yourself.

“Hey,” the man says, smiling at you. He has a handsome smile, too. “I’m Dan.” He extends a hand to you and you shake it, too perplexed to do much else.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, I just came in and saw you sitting here all alone and I just thought I’d take the chance and ask if you wanted to go out with me sometime?”

You stare at him for a second, the question barely registering in your brain, before you snap out of it. Why not, you tell yourself, this might be good for you. Good to get the idea of Joel and you out of your head once and for all.

“I- um, yeah. Sure!”

You plaster a smile on your face and exchange phone numbers with Dan who promises to text you and gets up just as Joel comes back, scowling at Dan’s retreating back.

“Who was that?” he asks, and you wonder if you’re imagining his tone being colder than it was before he left.

“Just a guy,” you murmur, feeling embarrassed and weirdly guilty, “wanted to go out with me, I guess.”

“And, will you?” You’re not imagining it, Joel definitely sounds colder.

“Maybe. I don’t know. Who knows if he’ll even text me,” you shrug and stand up abruptly, suddenly desperate to get out of the situation, “let’s go.”

Joel’s answering huff doesn’t do much to calm you down and the walk back to the car is more silent than you’re used to with him, none of the usual bantering between you two.

He drops you off at your house and while you had planned to invite him in to maybe start wrapping your gifts together, you’re now kind of desperate to get out of this weird tension between you, so you just grab your bags and hop out of the truck. Joel mumbles his goodbye and you watch him drive off while you’re standing in your doorway, your eyebrows furrowed. You think that maybe something just soured his mood, even if you can’t fathom what it might have been, and calm yourself with the thought that you’ll just text him later.

You do just that, sending him a photo of your wrapped gifts a few hours after you got home, but he doesn’t respond. You don’t hear from him for several days, your calls remaining unanswered and there are no replies to your texts. You actually resort to asking Ellie if Sarah has said anything, but she’s just as clueless as you are.

The weekend rolls around and you go on your date with Dan, who, unlike someone else, has texted you. He takes you out for lunch and while the date is nice and he’s being polite, easy to have a conversation with and you’re fighting with yourself trying to like him, you’re bored.

You don’t feel any spark between the two of you, a spark that you, as you begrudgingly have to admit to yourself, always feel when you’re with Joel. You decidedly swallow that thought back down as soon as it occurs to you, but it stays in the back of your mind, like a kind of craving that you just can’t turn off.

You tell Dan that you’re sorry but that you don’t see the two of you turn into anything more, which he accepts graciously and wishes you all the best and you once again want to kick yourself for not feeling anything at all for this kind and blissfully uncomplicated man.

Grinding your teeth, you call Joel the next evening and to your surprise, he finally picks up.

“Where the hell have you been?” you demand without as much as a greeting.

“Just busy with work,” his voice huffs through the speaker and you can’t help but start feeling slightly more at ease at the sound of it, even if you don’t believe that he was too busy to contact you for days, but at least he picked up your call now.

“How’d your date go?”

He sounds… careful, like he’s not sure if he wants to know the answer. You’re confused for a second; you didn’t even have the chance to tell him about those plans; until your gaze falls on your sister who’s sitting on the couch opposite from you with headphones over her ears and frantically scribbling in her notebook.

“Between Sarah and Ellie, no secret is safe, huh?” you grin.

“So it’s a secret?” His voice is tense.

“I guess not, I just didn’t- I don’t know.” You huff a frustrated sigh. “But it doesn’t matter, I’m not gonna see him again, so…”

“Did he do something?” Joel demands immediately and you feel your cheeks warming at the way he switches into protective mode.

“No no, don’t get all riled up. He was nice, just… not it. I wasn’t really interested in him anyway, so.”

“Huh,” Joel mumbles and though you can’t see him, you can tell that some of the tension is dissolving.

You chat a little more, working out the finer parts of the plans for your shared Christmas celebration in a few days, and by the end of the phone call, you feel like things between you are back to normal.

It’s the second Christmas Eve that you’ve spent at the Miller household and it’s just as chaotic as the first one. Joel’s brother Tommy comes to visit, bringing with him a bottle of whiskey and an air of mischief that immediately infects the two girls who are already giddy with the energy of Christmas, the prospect of getting presents tomorrow morning and the inevitable sugar high that comes with consuming mountains of Christmas cookies.

Ellie and you are meant to sleep over, Ellie in Sarah’s room and you in the guest room, so you indulge in a few glasses of whiskey, feeling pleasantly tipsy and like a warm, hazy glow is surrounding you. You sing Christmas songs along to the radio with the girls, laugh loudly at Tommy’s crude jokes and even get Joel, who is slightly drunk himself, to dance with you for a few minutes.

When you finally retreat to the kitchen to get yourself a glass of water, you somehow already sense Joel’s presence behind you before he speaks up.

“Hey,” he murmurs as you turn around, his gaze trained on the floor at your feet.

“Hey,” you echo, searching his face, “what’s up?”

He rubs his neck, a mannerism that you’ve come to connect with him feeling uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry,” he starts, “I know I’ve been acting weird around you the past week, and…” he trails off again, still not meeting your gaze. Joel has never been good at expressing his feelings, and you can’t deny that you’re curious about what he’s going to say. You knew that it hadn’t been just about work stuff. Joel takes a deep breath, seemingly steeling himself for what he’s about to tell you.

“I didn’t- shit, I’m not good at this.” He rubs his neck again. “I didn’t want you to go out with that guy. And I know that that’s no excuse, but I wanted… I wanted you to go out with me. I’ve wanted that for quite some time, honestly. And I never knew how to tell you, I didn’t want to ruin the friendship that we have, but then that- that fuckin’ guy came along and I just thought, what if I had my chance and I missed it? But still, I shouldn’t have put that on you, I-”

You interrupt his rambling when you step into his space and place your hand on his upper arm, his gaze finally flying up to meet yours.

“You wanted… to go out with me?” you whisper, almost not able to believe what you’ve just heard.

“I- yes. I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’ll never mention it again, I just wanted you to know.” He shrugs helplessly and you can’t help the smile that’s slowly growing on your face.

“Joel,” you murmur, taking another step closer to him. “I’d love to go out with you. I never thought- you never said anything, and I didn’t want to make things awkward between us, but…”

This might be it, the moment that you’ve always hoped for but never thought would happen.

“I like you. More than as a friend. I mean, I really like you.”

Now you’re avoiding his gaze, feeling heat flush your cheeks at your admission. You feel his fingers on your chin, tilting your face up to meet his warm brown eyes, so close to you.

“Guess we’ve both been kinda idiots,” he smirks.

A grin is slowly spreading on your face. “Guess so.”

He leans towards you and your eyes slowly close, just before his lips touch yours.

None of you are aware of the audience that’s observing the both of you from the living room.

“Fuckin’ finally,” Tommy mutters as he leans back into the couch and takes another sip of whiskey. Sarah and Ellie both sigh in agreement.

thank you so much for reading! if you liked it, please consider reblogging or leaving a comment - nothing would make me happier 🫶🏻

[lgbtqreads]

Exclusive Cover Reveal: We Mostly Come Out at Night ed. by Rob Costello

Today on the site, I’m delighted to be revealing the cover of We Mostly Came Out at Night, a YA anthology edited by Rob Costello and releasing from Running Press Books on May 21, 2024 that’s the perfect intro to spooky season! Here’s the gist: An empowering cross-genre YA anthology that explores what it means to be a monster, exclusively highlighting trans and queer authors who offer new tales…

[fanciestghost]

[bloodwrittenballad]

the bond between a lesbian and her favorite fictional/celebrity men is unbeatable

[covetyou]

last line tag game

thank you @sp00kymulderr @corazondebeskar-reads @punkshort and @idolatrybarbie for the tags 💛

rules: in a new post, show the last line(s) you wrote (or drew) and tag as many people as there are words (or as many as you like).

issue is I'm working on like 5-10 things at once right now, so you're getting the literal last line from a few things, in the order of their release.

if you would like to know more please slip me an ask, comment or DM and I will be happy to RAVE about things at you.

Joel x F!Reader - 26th March

"Bye." You slam the door, the stupid fucking self locking door, and slide down it, head in your hands. You have never felt so fucking stupid.

Dieter BRC Prompt - 30th March

But your resolve never was that strong where Dieter was concerned. Not really. "Fine. I'll stay."

down to clown - 1st April

You lift the dress, the wired hem flexing and bouncing in your palms, and reveal her cock dangling freely between her legs.

some good friend pt. 2 - TBD

The hand on the back of your sweater tightens, and you know this is it. You’re just glad it’s not the knife. Instead it’s fabric pressing on your wind pipe until the stars give way to darkness, a street lamp turning supernova, and you're out.

PA WIP 1 - TBD

But, while you can still hear it, that steady beep - beep - beep is the most beautiful thing you've ever heard.

PA WIP 2 - TBD

"No, I mean… Do you ever think it's weird how you're my only friend? The only one I have. And I pay you. I pay you to be my friend. The one person I have, and I pay you to be my friend."

tagging these lovelies, I am deeply sorry if you have already been tagged, but braincells, in this economy? not a chance.

@theywhowriteandknowthings @perotovar @chronically-ghosted @noxturnalpascal @tightjeansjavi @missredherring

[tcvkcu]

[ricinbach]

mercy. | chapter 17 - dark

heart warming moments brought darkness with them.

SPRING

The road never seemed to end.

In this world where living at the edge is the new normal, there was always one more road undiscovered. Countless miles and miles of highway, of randomized criss-crossing patterns of partially destroyed, non-functioning piles of steel adorned with corpses of the undead. A lot of unknowns could pop up any time a survivor ended up finding a working car by sheer luck and decided to cruise on the highway in the hopes of reaching a better, safer life in another state. Hunters loved to lurk around the corners of what’s left of the interstate highway system of the country, setting up their traps at the seemingly benign exits to lure their prey.

You would have known. There was a brief time you had set them up yourself.

Where would the road take you after this - months and seasons of protecting the little girl and man who rescued you? Was there any salvation after all that you have done, all the gory acts that you committed, mostly for your own survival above all? Was saving this little girl who was holding onto your hand softly as her feet matched your steps, redemption enough? Would stitching him in the cold basement just so he could hold onto dear life a little bit longer, redeem your long-overdue sins?

With the thought of every throat you cut, finger broken and kneecap shattered, the answer of the questions floating in your being seemed to lean towards a stark negative - there would be no redemption for a corrupted soul like you. As the strong bang from the bombs you had planted and the countless shots you had fired rang your ears, the sins seemed even more unforgivable, relentless and cruel.

Then came the visions of the grateful smile on a one-handed man whose limb you had cut to tie him back to mortal life after a nasty bite. The appreciative nods of soldiers as you patched them up with year’s ease. The soft breathing against your chest as you cradled Ellie in your arms, holding her safe from danger. The calloused yet tender touch on your cheek after reaching a moment of safety from days of torture and dread. Visions, thoughts and memories intertwined - they gave your insides a certain comforting warmth, luring you to the path of light, whispering that everything will be alright soon.

That you will be safe in his arms.

Sometimes we have to walk through the dark to get to the light.

Cracked concrete paved the way underneath mucky boots, a certain hint of newfound warmth in the spring breeze. The sharp sunshine of peak daytime hit your bare skin uncovered by the scuffed, thin white shirt that had long lost its’ vibrant hue - it was a very welcome sensation spreading through after the winter’s harsh snow and frosty breeze. No matter how much the sunshine soaked into your scarred skin, it could never make you forget the frostbite on your fingers as you clawed through the pure white snow, staining it with the relative warmth of the crimson red seeping through your fingers.

Mere sunshine could not make you forget the coldness of the blade in the meat freezer as it rummaged through your own flesh. The beads of cold, cold sweat running down your forehead, the breathy gasps evaporating into the thin air as they violently held her in front of your eyes, her little body jerking with the impact.

The sudden frost covering the eyes of David as he saw the healed bite on her forearm.

“You’re deep in thought today.”

Brain appalled for a brief moment as you blinked fast twice, your senses got it together just in time to catch the little girl staring up at you with those big green eyes laced with a hint of concern, her left hand clinging onto your right - not for immediate safety but for her peace of mind and comfort, you would come to the conclusion. It had been a newly-developed habit for Ellie to hold onto your hand in some situations where an unknown loomed in the horizon, which you welcomed with open arms, and could not help but think about the horrors that the girl had faced in this cruel world that morphed her from the stubborn, sharp-tongued little lady. It was moments like this where it truly materialized in her daily behavior - the soft pitter patters of her feet as she clung to you walking under rain, pulled just a little closer under the salvaged, tattered sleeping bag, never knowing if you would be able to pull through the night. Her whistling attempts, her way of keeping anxiety far from her soul that kept on getting better and better every single day of practice as Joel drove you all through the unknown pavements.

The little girl’s observation had also stirred attention from the man leading the way, making the broad shoulders turn slightly as his eyes latched onto yours, similar hints of concern edging the green.

He knew.

He knew exactly what made you stutter during the past days of the journey up to Salt Lake, why your otherwise laughter-filled voice was toned down to softly spoken, concise but thoughtful words, sometimes at the edge of a whisper that only his attentive ears caught. Exactly why both of you took turns in gently watching as the girl fell blissfully asleep in the backseat - unaware, even for a little bit, of the atrocities around her, of the uncertainty of the future, of the worries that engulfed your mental. At peace, dreaming about bigger, better, prettier things. Exactly why you clasped onto his calloused hand so hard in the nighttime as his other one held the steering wheel straight.

He knew there was one question consuming you alive lately, with every step closer to the supposed hospital would house the salvation of whatever was left of humankind. A species that has committed many sins before and after, atrocities bleeding their hands yet not stopping in the sheer hope of survival. Destroying everything in their wrath, trees, buildings, humans, animals. Taking lives without asking questions, without guilt beating their cold, lonely hearts.

He knew your purpose, and he knew his. Crystal clear, ringing loud in his mind ever since the day. To him, no distracting thought could falter or tremble the one goal he worked towards with blood, sweat and tears every morning and night. His eyes burnt with fire to keep both of you safe, and to get that little girl wherever she so desired to go. Just to see a little smile on her face, knowing that she would be serving for the greater good.

And to hopefully see her proud of him one day, one far, far away day, when all is well, and he is holding your soft hand close to his beating heart on your porch, pink lights dancing in your eyes, smiling in the sunset.

For now, all he had was dreams. Distant dreams and persistent hopes that fueled him through the roughest of situations. He often found himself asking the universe the same question over and over again in the back of his mind, begging to clear the dust to reach to the light emanating from the dreams to keep them alive.

The question, the answer to which seemed to terrify you more and more with every thought erupting.

“What’s gonna happen to her?”

He softly nodded to you, lips softly curled in a smile, reassuring you that the storms in your eyes are bound to see daylight soon.

Instilling strength in you, your turned to face Ellie who was intensely waiting for your reaction in that childish, innocent smile she had.

“I’m excited to see where this leads. You, however, snored way deep in your dreams last night.”

Chuckles echoed in the air as you walked together down the cracking concrete exit ramp, through the abandoned cars with stolen doors and open hoods, buses covered in moss under the shade of highway signs, still holding up strong to your surprise. A small billboard with a passenger airplane caught Ellie’s eye, tugging you along gently as Joel followed with his fingertips lingering on your side, both intently listening to the flying dream of a kid who had never seen an airplane before, and probably would not.

It made your cold soul warm up with a gentle summer heat, hearing her imagination roar. Her youthful voice paired well with the sun shining down the trees growing through the concrete on any exposed soil, reconquering the earth in a graveyard of a metal city. It gave you power to go on, for now.

“What are they going to do to her?”

As your group made way towards the remnants of downtown, your boots led you through the doors opening to a rooftop overlooking the surrounding buildings, much to Ellie’s happiness as she took in the sights and rushed to view. A sudden fear, driven by instinct took a sharp breath and tensed up your body to follow in case of imminent danger.

However, you did not have to. Joel stuck by you, sensing your hand linger on the back of your belt where you sported your weapon of choice for the day, and gave you a knowing smile as he took your hand into his, slowly leading you to the edge where the sun hit your face.

You’re safe. We’re safe.

You released a silent breath of relief, your empty hand reaching to wrap around his covered arm to pull him closer to your side.

For now.

Both pairs of weary eyes followed the happy child, who joined both of you in realizing that the below courtyard must have belonged to a zoo of some kind, and the nature protected a number of exotic animals -  including some giraffes that were steadily making their way towards your lookout as they chewed on leaves.

“Ever seen a giraffe before?” Joel asked you, unable to hide the smile in his voice, pulling you closer to stand in front of his warm, lean body as he kept on holding your hand with his other placed on your waist.

You had not.

The beloved sense of safety rained down on you, with his touch and the beautiful sight of Ellie petting the giraffe whose neck leaned slightly to reach the girl’s height.

Words were not enough at that moment in time to describe the happiness and excitement lighting up Ellie’s face. It was yet another moment of pure, innocent joy she blessed you with, watching her interact with untouched, unharmed parts of the world. Slowly fixing the broken souls behind her, piece by piece.

“You cuties,” she cooed at them.

Joel’s chest vibrated against your back as a small laughter came out of him, one of a father lovingly watching over a daughter, seeing just how happy she could get. It made you smile uncontrollably, looking up at him lightly over your shoulder to catch the look in his eyes, the moment etching onto the brightest corners of your mind.

Little did you guess, it was only about to get better.

Joel’s fingers gently tilted your head upwards to him, hesitant but willing, his bright eyes looking for confirmation in yours for a split second. He didn’t have to try as the smile on your lips could light up the whole world - he realized he had never seen your genuine smile. At that moment, he wished you smiled more, and he wanted to make damn sure that you always found a reason to.

At that moment, he so wanted to be the reason as he dipped down and landed a long-awaited kiss on your lips, his beard gently scratching your soft skin in a new sensation, his taste salty yet sweet. His calloused hand slowly finding his way to rest on your cheek, pulling you closer like he had wanted to for too many nights before. The warmth of his body next to yours as his lips moved in unison to deepen the kiss sent shivers down your spine, the joy of having someone that seemed so far yet now, so close.

A soft hum of a whistle had both of you slowly break off the kiss, your eyes fluttering open with an entranced look in your eyes as he smiled down at you, telling you all that you needed to hear without uttering a single word.

He had wanted to do this for a long time.

The whistle suddenly picked up and turned into a cheer.

“About damn time.”

The little girl threw a little clap your way, slowly making her exit down the stairs only for both of you to follow, laughing out of your hearts.

Hold on.

Water dripped down and covered your whole body, chest heaving with exertion, hands in a death grip holding onto the rusted metal - the only thing keeping you breathing. Blood trickled down your face and arms as it mixed with rain and sewer water. Bruises already forming from falling into that damn bus, small pieces of glass on your boots from kicking the window.

Whatever breath you had left in your lungs struggled to get out, gasping, coughing and hurting. Your limbs crawled over to the rocks, dragging your body as you began to come to your senses and frantically looked around for your companions.

The strong current almost still carried the screams of Ellie and Joel trying to reach you, to hold onto each other, fighting against the flowing waters. Joel trying to catch her hand before both of you got engulfed in the strong force, driven in the current.

She can’t swim.

The world flashed in front of your eyes as Joel dragged the little girl to the edge of the waters onto the concrete with a heaving gasp, immediately holding her face and starting to give her a heart massage, no doubt trying to stay calm but failing as his voice faltered.

“C’mon, c’mon.”

Whatever strength you had with shaky limbs had you rush over to her, holding her head steady while Joel attempted to resuscitate her. Tears began to form in your eyes as you searched for any glimpse of hope in Joel’s rugged face, hands pumping the little girl’s chest to give her breath.

“No, no, no.”

“Hands up in the air!”

Your head bolted to the source of the voice, your unoccupied arm instinctively shielding the two - body frozen when you saw two gun barrels held towards you.

“She ain’t breathin,” helplessly grunted Joel as he desperately continued his motions.

Brain in overdrive, your hand went to your holster right before your entire world was buried in total darkness.

[fadedmunson]

im sure joel isn't the best cook, but i can just imagine him trying his best to cook your favorite food for date night and having the cutest lopsided grin when he sees your expression light up at the sight :((

[potokguy]

Behold! Lita’s web of insanity! 

[sidonius5]

ℐ𝓃 𝒶 𝓃𝑒𝒾𝑔𝒽𝒷𝑜𝓇𝒽𝑜𝑜𝒹 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒾𝓃 ℬ𝓇𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓁𝓎𝓃 𝒩𝒴, 𝗧𝗼𝗻𝘆 𝗠𝗮𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗼 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒻𝒶𝓂𝒾𝓁𝓎 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓌𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝓁𝑒𝓉𝑒 𝒻𝓇𝓊𝓈𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝑔𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒻𝒾𝓁𝓂 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝓊𝓇𝓃𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝓁𝒾𝑒𝒻 𝑜𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝒽𝑒 𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓋𝑒𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝑒𝑒𝓉 𝓊𝓅 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒻𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒹𝓈. 𝒪𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝒽𝑒 𝑔𝑒𝓉𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒸𝓁𝓊𝒷, 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓈𝓉𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓈𝑒𝓈 𝓂𝑒𝓁𝓉 𝒶𝓌𝒶𝓎 𝒷𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉'𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝒸𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒽𝑒 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝑒𝓍𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝒽𝒾𝓂𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻 𝑜𝒻 𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝓇𝓊𝑒 𝓅𝒶𝓈𝓈𝒾𝑜𝓃. 𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒'𝓈 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑜𝓃 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒸𝑒𝓇𝓉𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝓉𝓇𝓊𝑔𝑔𝓁𝑒𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝒾𝓇 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎𝒹𝒶𝓎 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝒸𝑜 𝒾𝓈 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓈𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝒷𝓁𝑒𝓂𝓈 𝒷𝑒𝒽𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓁𝑒𝓉 𝑔𝑜. 𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓉𝓇𝓊𝑒 𝑒𝓍𝓅𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶𝓁 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀 𝑜𝒻 𝒸𝒽𝑜𝓇𝑒𝑜𝑔𝓇𝒶𝓅𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒹𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒𝓇 𝐃𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐓𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐨, 𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐭𝐚 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓂𝒶𝒹𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝑜𝒻 𝗧𝗼𝗻𝘆 𝗠𝗮𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗼 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒. 𝒯𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝒸𝓁𝑜𝓈𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑒𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝒸𝑜 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓢𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓭𝓪𝔂 𝓝𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓕𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝓇𝑒𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝒶𝓈 𝒶 𝓇𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓂𝒷𝓇𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝒻𝒾𝓁𝓂 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝒸𝑜 𝓈𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝑒𝓇𝒶.

[delborovic]

Val doodle I never posted, just cleaned up a little with all my vampire feels :) Always so fun to play VtM with the amazing Blood & Syrup crew!

[auteurdelabre]

SOMETHING TO FIGHT FOR (series) Joelxf!reader Part 1

Word Count: 5.3K

Pairing: Dad!Joel Miller x f!reader (no use of y/n, no physical descriptions) Tommy x Maria, Bill x Frank

Warnings: This is saccharine slice of life with smut and a Soft!Joel. You have been warned. There is swearing, there is smut, but when it gets to those chapters you will have plenty of warning. (That is if there is interest in my story!)

A/N: This is part of a sweeter series (lots of angst, pining and smut ahead) Also despite Sarah's young age Joel is early 40's in this because slightly grey babygirl DILF Joel is the best Joel.

"Please don't make me do this."

You shoot Maria a dark look as she drags you to her wardrobe, ignoring your plea. 

"C'mon, it'll be fun! Plus I need your help picking out what to wear."

She opens the gleaming wood doors with a flourish and indicates with her head for you to look. You give her a once over with her luminous dark skin, hair in tight braids and roll your eyes. 

Like it matters what she wears.

Maria is stunning. Arresting. Whatever other adjectives you need to describe someone who is not only beautiful but kind, brave, opinionated, strong... and occasionally manipulative. 

How else can you explain why an hour later you're seated in her car on the way to the cheapest Italian restaurant in town for a double date? 

"Tommy is so cute," Maria giggles, actually giggles. "I bet his brother is too."

"Mhmmm." You stare out the window with a frown, watching the rainstorm outside. The dress you're wearing feels itchy and you wish you were back at home with a book. 

But you've agreed to this: a blind date with Tommy's brother. 

You haven't been on a date since Paul. Paul with the light eyes and delicate fingers. Paul who promised to love you forever and then taken off to Manhattan, leaving you with rent you couldn't cover by yourself and a heartbreak so devastating it took Maria living with you for a full two weeks to get back to the land of the living. 

Six months later her basement suite is where you currently call home, a place you often find yourself laying in bed at night wondering what the fuck had happened to your life plans. Maria had always been your most successful friend, running her own business, owning this huge house all on her own. She plans on flipping it once the renovations are done. 

And when she'd known you couldn't pay your rent alone she hadn't even asked you how she could help. You'd woken up from a long depression nap amidst the breakup one morning to find your belongings packed and labeled and Maria telling you that you were moving in with her. 

Moving into her basement wasn't exactly how you'd imagined your life at this age. But then again you didn't expect to be single and working at your same low paying job then either. She won't accept rent money either.

She's a fucking saint.

So of course you had to say yes to this favor. Of course you had to pull on your uncomfortable dress and look your best because she’s your closest friend and because she never asks you for anything. 

Maria and Tommy met during renovations at Maria's place. She told you it was an instant connection, a jolt that went through her the minute he'd come through the door to give an estimate. Tommy and Maria's relationship is new, only a few weeks. But you've never seen your friend like this, all bright and cheery and giggly. She's normally more subdued,  more of a quiet observer. 

Love does strange things to people you suppose. 

You know it did to you not so long ago. But yours didn't have the happy ending you're sure your friends’ will. 

The truth is despite your own heartbreak you are delighted for Maria. Genuine joy flows from you when she tells you about Tommy and his dark eyes and his sweet shy way of talking. 

Maria backs the car into the spot, humming nervously under her breath. You scan the large windows of the restaurant hoping to catch a glimpse of Tommy. You've seen a few photos on Val's phone, but those can be deceiving.  

You cell rings shrilly in your purse and you retrieve it just as Maria puts the car into park.

"Hey, just gimme a sec, I'm just getting dinner with Maria," you say as you answer the phone, glancing over at your friend. "Sorry it's my mom calling. I just need a minute if that's okay?" 

"Of course," Maria says nodding solemnly. I'll meet you inside."

She hands you the car keys before running a nervous hand through her braids and heading for the restaurant. You watch her leave, holding in a smirk at her obvious nerves.

"Hi bug," your mom's throaty voice sounds out through the earpiece when you put it back to your ear. "Thought you'd want an update."

"I did yeah, thanks for calling. Did they say anything?"

Anything your mother was going to say is immediately washed out by the most obnoxious sound of "Back in Black" playing at high volume. 

"The fuck - "

Your eyes go to the silver and blue truck that's pulled up next to yours in the crowded parking lot. 

A man with a short beard and tousled brown locks sits behind the wheel putting the vehicle into park. The music is still blasting though, and it's no wonder you can hear him; his window is half down. 

Your mom is still saying something but you can't hear her. You try plugging the ear facing the driver and pressing the phone more harshly against your temple but it's no good. 

Irritation is going like lightning through your body at the actions of the asshole next to you. Another quick glance tells you he's just sitting there, his one arm slung over the wheel as he stares into space. 

"Mom just a sec," you interrupt before rolling down your window and calling out to him.

"Hey!" 

The man in the truck doesn't turn his head in your direction until you call out another sharp 'hey'. As he glances at you his brows lift in question.

"Turn down the fucking music! This isn't a concert."

Thinking back, you could have gone about that in a much kinder way.

You could have politely explained you were on an important call. You could have asked him nicely to turn it down. But you're so anxious about the importance of this phone call, that your manners leave you. 

The man is looking at you as if he can't believe your vitriol. His dark eyes are soulful as he stares at you, unblinking. The music is still pumping in his truck, perfectly matching the tempo of your rapidly rising pulse. 

"Are you deaf or just an asshole?" you shout, your hand still holding the phone to your chest, praying your mom can't hear you verbally lambasting the man next to you. 

The man looks like he wants to say something back at you. A tic in his jaw flexing. He parts his mouth before clamping it shut and glaring openly at you. He jerks the key out of the ignition, the music immediately silencing. 

"... in the hospital," your mother is saying. 

Immediately your attention is back on her and what she's saying. You only notice the man has exited the truck when you hear the slam of its door and the heavy sound of his footsteps diminishing towards the restaurant. You're too fixated on what your mom is saying, or rather, isn't saying. 

"Do they know if . . . " you trail off, not sure if you want to know the answer. 

"Not yet."

The two of you lapse into a gentle silence that your mother is first to break.  "Did you say you were having dinner with Maria?"

"Uh yeah," you say, still processing the information. "Blind date kinda thing."

"Good for you," she says warmly. "Go on then, bug. I don't want to keep you. Give her my love."

"I don't really want to go inside,” you admit. “Rather just stay in the car all night.”

"Enough of that," your mother chides gently. "I didn't raise a coward. Now go on. We'll chat later, I love you."

You respond similarly and place the phone back into your purse. You take a few steadying breaths, glancing at yourself in her rear view mirror and then pulling yourself from the car. 

/////// /////// /////// /////// /////// /////// /////// ///////

The restaurant is dimly lit with gentle cliché Italian music playing in the background. You and Maria have been coming here since college; it's a familiar haunt so it's no wonder that she set the date here. It's some of the worst Italian food in town but also the cheapest. 

You come to the table to see just the two of them sitting across from one another and you feel your heart leap and sinks all at once. Did the brother not show up? Are you off the hook?

Or worse, did he see you and leave? 

Maria smiles at you, her hand still in Tommy's. She nods her head at the chair beside her. "Come sit."

You do, looking nervously over at Tommy and introducing yourself. Tommy reminds you so much of a puppy dog in the best possible way; all smiles and eager energy as he greets you. He's lithe with broad shoulders he covers in a jean jacket over a white t-shirt. His face is clean shaven and his dark hair fans into his equally dark eyes. He's sweet looking, boyish and nervous. 

"My brother's just making a phone call," he explains when he notices you glance at the empty seat beside him. "He'll be right back."

Relief mingled with trepidation goes through you. The waitress comes over with everyone's drinks, leaving a beer in the empty space on the table for Tommy's brother and a berry-colored glass of something in front of you. 

"I got you the sangria," Maria shrugs. 

"Sounds good, thanks." 

You take a sip, feeling nervous as the flavor coats your tongue. The restaurant is busy tonight, not really a shock for a Friday night. You glance around, your eyes darting to Maria and Tommy before you adopt an authoritative tone.

"So Tommy, what are your intentions with Maria?"

Tommy's eyes blow wide in surprise, blinking and stammering. 

“I, I uh –“

"You're so mean," Maria says as you both burst into giggles. "You're fine, honey. She's joking."

At Tommy's stricken expression, Maria pats his hand affectionately. Relief instantly floods his face. 

"Couldn't resist," you say, shooting a glance at a still recovering Tommy. "If it helps, she's crazy about you," 

Tommy's face breaks into a wide grin that he shoots at Maria. "Is that so?"

Maria looks flustered, opening up her menu and pretending she doesn't hear him.

"Let's order I'm starved."

You nod, looking down at your menu with a smile. You know that tonight is going to be awkward, as any blind date with another couple would be. But you like seeing Maria smiling, you like hearing her laugh as Tommy murmurs something to her about the garlic bread. Maria has been through a lot, she deserves this. You resolve to do whatever you can to make this night go well. 

"Ah, there he is," Tommy says shooting a smile at someone behind you. "This is my brother, Joel."

You look up from the menu at the figure who slides into the chair opposite you. You're ready to be as charming as needed to get through this dinner but the smile immediately dies on your face.

It's the man from the truck. 

He's broad shouldered, wearing a dark green button down rolled at the sleeves. It's tight across the arms, emphasizing the width of his chest. He and his brother don't look much alike to you aside from the coloring. Joel's face is pleasant if not serious-looking with big, sad eyes. He's attractive enough, a bit older than you and seems rugged with his beard and tousled locks, threaded with bits of grey.  

He seems to be doing the same mental gymnastics because he goes from looking confused to angry within a microsecond of seeing you.  

So much for a pleasant evening.

Normally you would have wanted to know more about him than the vague description you'd received from Maria on the ride over, but right now you want the earth to swallow you whole. You just screamed at this guy, called him an asshole in the parking lot less than ten minutes ago. Now you have to sit here and pretend to be polite. 

His eyes move swiftly to Maria who looks at him nervously.

“The infamous girlfriend,” Joel says with a small smile. “Pleased to meet you.”

“The even more infamous brother,” Maria says warmly shaking his proffered hand.

“That’d be me,” Joel says with a soft chuckle. You wonder if perhaps you overestimated how rude you’d been. Joel seems perfectly nice right now, smiling at Maria and Tommy and apologizing for taking so long on the phone. Maria introduces you to him in a tone that sounds almost proud.

The smile that Joel has been wearing immediately slides from his face and you clear your throat nervously, forcing a smile onto your face.

"Uh, hi. Nice to meet you."

He gives you a sharp nod by way of reply.He doesn't look at you for long. More a cursory glance at your face before he picks up his beer and takes a swig before turning to ask Tommy something about the job site. 

Great.

You crane your neck, leaning back in your chair hoping to see your waitress in the rapidly filling restaurant. You want this evening to speed up and be over. Maybe you can order an appetizer and dash out. But you can see your waitress deep in conversation with another table of eight and know you'll be waiting a bit. You hold in a sigh as you look back at Joel Miller. 

He's started peeling the label from his beer in tiny scratches. It's obvious to you that he's just as disappointed as you are that you're his date for the evening. Even if you two hadn't experienced the altercation outside you doubt he would have been your type: too serious, too hard. 

Paul had been the opposite: open and funny and immediately putting you at ease.

Stop thinking about him.

You take another sip of your drink, deciding that while Joel is a shit blind date he's actually perfect for practicing on for any future dates. Ones that you may have with men who are a helluva lot more pleasant than he is. 

Maria and Tommy are looking at their menus, obviously trying not to watch the two of you interact. But you can see Maria's eyes darting to you out the corner. You know that she’s silently willing you to make an effort with Joel.

"So Maria says you guys work for a construction company?" You look from Joel to Tommy. 

"We own a construction company," Joel corrects, his dark eyes still glued to the label of the beer bottle he's picking at with a short fingernail. 

Off to a great start.

Tommy joins in, noting his brothers' reluctance to keep the conversation going. 

"Joel takes care of the carpentry and the invoicing. I'm more drywall and marketing," Tommy smiles wide and friendly at you. "We have a few other guys on the team that do the rest."

You already like Tommy. He's sweet and soft and judging by the way he's still holding Maria's hand across the table, he's very interested in her. 

"Must be nice to be your own bosses," you offer, hoping that if you're complimentary that Joel won't tell them about your incident outside. 

"Way better than the old subcontractor we had to work for before." Tommy takes a sip of beer, shaking his head. "That guy was such a dick."

Joel flashes Tommy a nod of agreement before looking distracted. You wonder if it's you doing it to him or the phone call he took right before this. When it's clear Joel won't be asking you anything, Tommy speaks up. 

"And what do you do again?"

"I work at a humane society here in Austin," you say between sips of your drink. "The job doesn't pay great but I love animals."

You trail off noting that Tommy looks frustrated with himself. "Shit, that's right. Maria said that."

"Don't beat yourself up," you laugh. "It's not exactly the most memorable job on the planet." 

Joel makes a little scoffing noise of agreement. As if his job is so much more enthralling. 

You hold in a biting comment as the waitress approaches your table and this time you see her name tag reads Felicia. She's a pretty girl with bright red hair who clearly has interest in the man across from you. 

"Bruschetta for the table?" Tommy asks with a glance in everyone's direction. You all nod because who would say no to bruschetta? 

Felicia's eyes linger on Joel even as she takes everyone else's orders for dinner. 

Good. She can go home with him for all you care. If anything she'd be doing you a favor. 

The silence is back when she's gone and you can't miss the strained look passing between Maria and Tommy. You don't blame them; this entire experience feels tense and uncomfortable. Maria is subtly nudging you in the ankle with her boot, flicking her eyes from you to Joel and back again. The meaning is clear: make an effort.

Only for Maria would you suffer through this dinner. Only for Maria would you try to engage the stone-faced man across from you. You take a deep breath before forcing a smile in Joel's direction 

"So, Joel, what do you do for fun?"

Joel looks as if he's getting the same amount of non-verbal grief from his brother because he straightens a bit, looking at you from under thick lashes. 

"I hunt."

You cringe. Not even inwardly, you full-out wince at that. Hunting has always been one of those things you've never seen the point to in modern society. Sure, when food had to be hunted or families starved it made sense. But nowadays? It seemed barbaric. 

And knowing what you do for a job, you're shocked at the lack of tact. Hobbies were a dime a dozen and that's the one he brings up? 

Asshole.

He seems to notice your recalcitrance because that same cool appraisal is back on his face. 

"And what do you enjoy?" 

You don't miss the sarcasm in his tone betraying that he really doesn't give a fuck, but decide to answer him sincerely regardless. 

"I read. I hike, I paint, I watch zombie movies."

Joel winces at that. "Can't stand 'em."

What a shock. Something else you don't have in common.

You almost feel like this entire date was devised just to make Tommy and Maria feel less guilty about being so in love and your feel a stab of resentment. Tommy seems to notice the tension building because he jumps in a little too eagerly. 

"Joel plays guitar. He's really good."

"And you sing," Maria adds, nudging you again before looking at Joel and Tommy. "Her voice is so beautiful." 

Both you and Joel answer almost simultaneously. "Not anymore."

Your eyes flick to one another in surprise before the meals are brought to the table by the far too peppy Felicia. 

"Careful," she tells Joel with a purr. "Your plate is very hot."

"Thanks," Joel says flashing her a quick smile. You note the dimple in his right cheek when he does. 

"What kind of animals come through your job?" Tommy asks, spearing a piece of chicken. 

"The usual, cats, dogs, small animals like hamsters, ferrets," you list these off with ease. "With some of the other sites in we house sheep and horses."

"That would've been our dream job as kids, huh Joel?" Tommy says with a faraway smile. "Being surrounded by animals, helping 'em."

Joel gives an agreeing grunt by way of a reply, chewing his dinner with a frown. It's so obvious that he would rather be anywhere but here. 

"It's not all dreamy," you answer, pretending Joel isn't even there. "I work at the main office so I barely get to see the animals. Most of the time I'm grant writing because we're so underfunded."

You frown, thinking about the difficulty of going into work knowing that you can't save every poor animal that crosses your path. 

"Plus after the flooding last month the office is trashed, but there was this grant for office restoration." You talk excitedly, knowing exactly what you'll do with the money. 

"Guaranteed that even if she gets the grant for the office reno's she'll put it all to the kennels they need," Maria says to Tommy but she's looking at you fondly. "That's why I love her."

You feel shy under the twin gazes of Tommy and Maria and you want to turn to Joel and scream: "See! I'm not as horrible at you thought! I'm not just a bitch who screams at people in parking lots!" but you have I'm feeling even if you did that he wouldn't believe you enough to care. 

"Well, when you do get the grant, I know a great contractor," Maria says with a wink in Tommy's direction. Tommy blushes slightly in response, offering a quick nod. 

"I'll definitely keep you in mind," you say to Tommy, stabbing your pasta with your fork. "Everything is so expensive to build; maybe you'll give me the 'Maria's best friend' discount."

Tommy and Maria laugh but Joel remains stone-faced. 

"What about you guys?" You address them both but its Tommy you look at. "I don't know much about what you do aside from restorations like Maria's place."

"We have a few bids in this month," Tommy says through a mouthful of his chicken. "Really hoping for this one build at a military site, but the lead on it is kind of a nightmare. We worked with her once before. Needs to have constant meetings about every little thing right, Joel?"

Tommy looks over at his older brother.

"It's a good gig," Joel nods, sliding a piece of bread through the marinara sauce on his plate. "Kathleen's usually a dog with a bone, but pretty harmless overall."

He goes back to his meal, eating quickly. Tommy looks dumbfounded by his brothers behaviour. 

Fuck this guy.

Yeah, you were rude to him in the parking lot. But that was just between the two of you. Now he's making it horrible for an entire table of people who are just trying their best to have a pleasant evening.

There's a faint buzzing and you watch Joel fumble for his phone, an old blackberry. He reads whose calling and excuses himself. You all watch as he leaves, heading for the exit.

"You sure he's not a drug dealer on the side?" You joke. "Last time I saw a guy react like that to a phone call he was selling weed outta his mom's basement."

Maria shoots you a grin. 

"It's Sarah," Tommy replies with a glance after his brother. "It's the first time Joel's left her with a sitter that's not me."

Sarah? A sitter? Wait, Joel has a kid? That miserable jerk found someone to willingly procreate with? You don't remember that part of the information Maria gave you in the car. 

"He's pretty protective of her," Tommy continues. "He's worried she may be a lot of work with new people."

With Joel as her father, you're hardly shocked. You imagine a little girl with serious dark eyes and a bad attitude. 

"Has he been divorced a long time?" Maria asks, and you realize she knows very little about Joel as well.

"Almost four years, but apart longer."

You nod and the three of you eat quietly, listening to the sound of bland Italian elevator music in the background. Joel reappears a short time later, sliding into his seat as Tommy looks over.

"Sarah okay?"

"She's fine," Joel nods, his voice low and rumbling. "She just couldn't find toad."

"She has a toad?" 

Joel's eyes slope over to you in irritation. "It's a stuffed animal."

"Oh."

"The sitter's a moron," Joel says to Tommy with a dark look. "Got her all hopped up on sugar."

"Connie isn't a moron, Joel," Tommy defends. "She takes care of her own mother practically full time."

You and Maria exchange a look as the brothers disagree.

"I shouldn't have left her alone with them." Joel is getting more agitated by the second; he's not even hearing what his brother is saying. "They have that old dog of theirs."

"She's fine, Joel." 

"I shouldn't have come," Joel mutters as he pulls some cash from his wallet and drops it on the table beside Tommy's plate. "This was such a bad idea. Such a waste of time. I gotta go."

You say nothing, but the blood is rising in your cheeks as you stare down at your plate. You want to believe that Joel is leaving solely because of his kid, but a large part of you knows she's just a convenient excuse to cut the evening short. 

"I'll see you later" Joel grumbles to Tommy before he's left the table without a backwards glance or a goodbye to you. 

As he strides off you want to laugh. This entire evening has been a joke from start to finish. Tommy is shooting Maria a sheepish look of silent apology. Obviously the evening hasn't gone how anyone anticipated it would. 

"I'm so sorry," Maria starts but you cut her off. 

"It's fine, just exhausted from work. Mind if I just take off?"

"Of course," Maria looks inconsolable. "Just take the car, Tommy will drop me off later."

You nod, holding out a twenty to her that she won't accept. You pocket it after a brief goodbye to Tommy you head to the entrance of the restaurant. You only exit when you're sure that Joel's truck is gone from the parking lot. 

/////// /////// /////// /////// /////// /////// /////// ///////

You pull up to the house, thankful the rain has stopped. Maria's place is on a quiet, suburban street with identical lawns and mailboxes. She doesn't do much with the exterior of the home, but it's a nice navy blue color with bright white shutters. It feels especially welcoming after your horrible dinner. 

You can't stop thinking about Joel. His miserable face and the way he practically ran out of the restaurant. You kick a rock angrily on your way up the sidewalk as you move towards the house. 

"You look like Bill after Bush got elected."

Your eyes dart up to house next to Maria's. The neighbor Frank is standing there on the front porch holding a cigarette elegantly between his fingers

His home is a similar in shape and color to Maria's, but that's where it ends. Where Maria's house is plain, this house is immaculately kept with bright flowers under the windows. The door is a lacquered black and a simple green wreath hangs in its upper center. It feels sophisticated and welcoming all at once. 

Frank gives you another sharp look, a smirk quirking his lips. 

The first day you'd arrived at Maria's, your eyes puffy and dressed in three-day-old sweats, he'd sent over a basket of goodies with a note that simply said: straight men ain't shit, your neighbors Frank and Bill. You'd liked him straightaway ever since. He's funny and charming and never seems to be in a bad mood.

Maria has nothing but good things to say about him. Best neighbor she's ever had, according to her. You often find them on either side of the fence that separates their lawns, gossiping about things in the neighborhood. Frank always seems happy, always seems upbeat. 

But right now you don't feel like being happy. You want to climb into bed and be sad. 

"Just a bad night," you frown, pulling your purse further up your shoulder and moving towards your place.

"Where I come from, bad days usually call for a drink." 

You've never been a drinker. You occasionally have beer with fish and chips in the summer. Hot chocolate with a splash of rum at Christmas. Sangria at dinner with a bad blind date. But you've been to Frank's before and you know that whatever they have will taste amazing. 

Frank's eyes are playful as he watches you pause. You shuffle back in his direction, a wry smile on your face before you glance at his door nervously.  

"Is Bill around?"

Dumb question. Bill is always around. Always frowning, always building something and muttering about elaborate anti-government theories you don't always follow but smile politely at. Bill makes you nervous, but then again, he makes everyone nervous. 

"Basement," Frank smiles beckoning you with a wave forward. "If he comes upstairs I'll handle him."

You don't need much more invitation than that. You bound up the stairs to his place, placing your bag at the entryway and following him into the kitchen. 

While the outside of Frank and Bill's place is beautiful, the inside is breathtaking. The color of the walls is a soft green, the wood stair railing boasts intricate details of florals and the piece de resistance is the gleaming black baby grand piano that sits in the living room. 

You think about pressing one of the ivory keys as you walk by but stop yourself. Everything in this home is so beautiful, so wonderfully cared for that the thought of moving any if it, even a fraction seems cruel. 

"Does Bill ever play for anyone?" 

"He does." Frank is in the kitchen bringing two large wineglasses down from the shelf. 

You roll your eyes. "You don't count."

"Rude," Frank says with an arched brow, but there's no power behind it. "If I get him liquored up enough he might be persuaded to play for an audience of more than just me."

You watch him pour the crimson liquid into the dual glasses before handing it to you. You follow him to the sitting room by the piano, your eyes glancing longingly at it. 

"It's a Beaujolais," Frank says sitting across from you as he swirls his glass with the finesse of a professional sommelier. "Very fruitful with a few smoky notes."

You twist the delicate stem between your fingertips and peer into the glass. "Looks . . . Red."

Frank laughs at your unrefined palette. He and Bill and wine connoisseurs, their home stocked with all manner of wine and other spirits. 

"You look especially dressed up," Frank offers warmly at the wine slips over your tastebuds. "Hot date?"

"If my date tonight is any indication of what's out there, I think I might just stay single forever."

"Was he really that bad?" Frank's handsome face is concerned. 

"He's a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake." 

Frank laughs loudly, his head tossed back. You smile around your wine glass, secretly pleased you could elicit such a response. 

"Was he cute at least?" 

"No," you answer a bit too quickly. 

Frank looks about to reply when the door to the basement is shoved open with a bang. 

A stout man with shoulder length brown hair and a scraggly beard looks around the room wildly blinking, as if his large blue eyes are adjusting to the lights. 

He's wearing an old grey sweatshirt, threadbare with holes in the collar. He's such a stark contrast to his husband whose facial hair is meticulously groomed, his patterned orange shirt pressed and smelling like expensive cologne. If you got close enough to Bill you know he'd smell like sweat and oil from whatever he's been working on downstairs. 

Bill approaches you both, his eyes sliding to your figure at the table and frowning, the crease between his brows deepening. You raise your hand in a small wave. 

"Evening, Bill."

"What are you doing here?" His eyes drift to your wineglass. "And is that my wine?"

"Manners," Frank warns with a teasing lilt. "And last time I checked, Bill, it was our wine." 

"Yours and mine. Not hers," Bill grumbles as he lumbers over to the kitchen to pour himself a glass. 

You assume he'll head back downstairs but he shuffles to the table and plops down next to Frank, the chair squeaking under him. Sitting next to each other they seem like such an odd pair, and yet when Frank absently moves hair behind Bill’s ear and they look at one another smiling softly, you think there has never been a couple better matched.

"Our girl here finally went out on a date," Frank says like a proud father. 

"A blind date," you explain with a wince. "And a bad one. Almost makes me remember Paul fondly."

At least Paul had never insulted and then walked out on you in the middle of a crowded restaurant. 

"Paul," Bill scoffs into his glass, shaking his head. "Idiot man-child."

You smile at this, appreciating Bills acerbic tone when it's directed at a common enemy. You take this moment of unexpected civility and indicate to the piano with your wineglass. 

"Hey Bill do you think you'd ever play for me?" 

Bill turns his hardened gaze on you. 

"Not a fucking chance."

[coweye]

Commitment Issues - Part 8

Pairing: Benjamin Miller x Reader

Words: 2.7k

Summary: When you try and take your friends with benefits relationship to the next level, Benny’s response isn’t quite what you were expecting.

AN: So I lied - I'm so sorry for the wait! Recently, writing hasn't come as easy to me and although it's almost a year late I hope you enjoy, this isn't the final chapter - I lied twice.

➢ fic masterpost

PREVIOUS PART

28th April 2022 - 37 weeks pregnant

Life playing host to the parasite that was soon to be your daughter had only gotten worse. Hard to believe, I know.

The gift that kept on giving made sure that you’d suddenly without any warning whatsoever have the overwhelming urge to vomit. 

There was no rhyme or reason to her neat new little party trick but at any given moment your stomach said nope and you bought up whatever you happened to have eaten or as the case may be; be eating at the time. 

Honestly, you weren’t a negative person by nature, but these agonizing eight months had taken it out of you. 

Hell, you were in the process of drafting an eviction notice if this kid didn’t get out of you in the next two weeks. 

Long story short, between this and the Benny situation you were not exactly the best of company, right now. 

The boys and Val had all learnt this early on and for the past eight days, you had given up all pretense of a brave face, now you were bleeding and letting everyone who would listen know about it.

When Santiago, who had decided to stay in town until the birth of your baby, suggested a stroll around the mall, you had fixed him with the stare that would have had a lesser man running back to Colombia with his tail between his legs. Until, of course, he had sweetened the deal with fried chicken, his treat and coincidentally the only meal that you had yet to regurgitate. 

So, here you found yourself with Santiago and William and a six piece bucket to yourself.

The change in company was a welcome distraction from dwelling on your non-existent love life at home with the love of your life. 

After the thorn in your side that was Jasmine, reared her ugly head at the baby shower, you had pulled back into your protective bubble of distant and cold. 

Benny, though confused about the message, received it loud and clear as he returned to the swing to find you inside and talking incredibly heatedly to Valerie. In the eight days that followed, he yet to confront you about it. Apparently old habits died hard.. 

The camaraderie that had come hand in hand with your truce had dissolved. You weren’t actively unpleasant, but you didn’t melt into his side, or nap on the couch with him anymore. 

You had established boundaries, resolving yourself to the simple philosophy of anything you wouldn’t do with Frankie, you wouldn’t do with Ben. 

It was simple… well kind of, every one of your moves was carefully calculated and exhausting.

For example, lying on the couch watching a movie with a leg rub? Acceptable. 

Frankie would do that for your swollen ankle joint, hell, he had done.

However, lying on the couch with his body sandwiched against yours as you fall asleep, the hardness of him pressed into your backside; well… that was quite clearly a no, but I digress! 

Boundaries were established and what almost was, had been completely and totally healthily avoided at all costs, creating the exact tenuous home environment you'd spent so long trying to avoid. 

So, here you found yourself in the food court, slamming some fried chicken trying desperately to forget your woes.

“She’s too clingy…” Santi huffed in between a bite of his burger, talking mostly to Will as you had yet to peak up from behind your bucket. 

“Maybe she just likes you and wants to spend time with you, god forbid someone shows interest.” You grunted irritably between bites, looking for a fight. 

Both men turned to you in surprise, the whites of their eyes visible as they feared your outburst. 

Santiago strategically paused as he searched for the right words before he began to speak again. 

“You’re right … Maybe I’m too harsh.” Pope placated as he fixed you with a look of reproach, however, that only served to enrage you further. 

He watched for your reaction as if you were an angry bear or a child throwing a tantrum. Truth be told, you weren’t strictly unlike either of those things at that precise moment. 

Your brows narrowed, ready to unload and tell him all the reasons he was a dick before a cramping pain in your bloated abdomen overwhelmed you. Your eyes clenched shut as you breathed heavily through your nose, your ringed fingers gripped at the circular table in pain. 

It was impossible for you to judge how long went by before the pain finally passed. 

You took a further second or two to even your breathing before you resumed eating, succinctly dropping the subject that had injected fire into your veins merely moments before. 

With a fry in your mouth, you glanced up to find both men watching you. 

“What the fuck?”

“Are you okay?” They questioned in unison. 

A moment passed as you swallowed your mouthful before you concisely answered your comrades. “I’m pretty sure I’m going into labor.” 

“And … you don’t think we should be actively doing something about that?” Santiago pressed, looking as if he was ready to bolt.

“Labor can take hours and I won't be able to eat once it gets going…” You shrug, picking up another piece of chicken. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Pope breathed, eyes wide before he palmed in his eye sockets in frustration, attempting to rub the stress you induced away.

Will had dragged his chair to your side, his eyes focused on his watch.

“Don’t worry so much… the book said until they're ten minutes apart … there’s no point going …  to the hospital!” You explain in between bites of greasy chicken. 

Your words do little to quell their panic as both men look as if they're ready to pull their hair out with worry. 

“I’ll ring Ben.” Santi groaned as he stood up and reached into his jacket pocket before fishing out his phone. He turned dramatically with a finger pointed in your general direction. “You get her to hurry up - I swear to god, Y/N. If you’re eating when I get back, pregnant or not, I’ll drag you to that car. You’re not having your baby in the damn food court… estúpida, obstinada…” The man continued grunting curses at your expenses as he stalked off for somewhere quiet with cell reception to call the father of your child.

The silence that extended all of three minutes was too good to be true as Will watched your face as you ate for any sign of distress. 

“Whilst giving Pope a coronary is always a good time… don’t you think we should go and get your bag and meet Ben?” Will’s voice was soft, the kind of soothing tone you’d seen him use to talk down shell shocked soldiers - it was both unassuming and laced with copious amounts of compassion. 

You’d be damned if it didn’t just piss you right off. 

With a quick shake of your head, you dropped the empty bone into the bucket with the rest of the carcasses and took a long sip of your drink. 

“I’m good here … I can meet you guys there if you like?”

The pinch in his brow was quite simply incredulous, his concern was quickly outweighing his patience. 

“If you think I’m leaving you both here, you’re insane.”

Chewing on the straw of your drink; your eyes locked with his. They were brimming with a concoction of confusion and concern, which if the clench in his jaw was anything to go by, was slowly morphing into exasperation at your lack of compliance. 

“I … just need some time.”

“Y/N. All you’ve spoken about for the past week is how you want this to be over, wish granted - she’s coming and she’s coming now.”

“That’s what he said…” You uttered half-heartedly under your breath as you broke eye contact, no longer able to face his look of bewilderment. 

On the red tray in front of you was a lemon scented wet wipe hidden among napkins and sauces, you tore open the former and gratuitously began scrubbing the grease off of your hands, actively ignoring the perplexed stare of one of your closest friends. 

“Y/N, we need to get moving… will you just stop and listen?” Will snapped finally as he grabbed the wipe from your grip as you passed over your digits for the third time. 

Your own patience had reached its end as his hand gripped your elbow, his intention to make good on Santiago’s threat and drag you out, clear and present in your mind.

The devil in question was making his way back to your table, all quick strides as he dodged the food courts clientele.

You wrenched your arm from his grip huffing in annoyance at the well meaning Miller. 

“Fine. Let's go and get my bag, maybe we can grab an iced tea on the way to the car…”

Will nodded but you knew the mother hen would never allow a diversion from the mission at hand. 

All was going well. 

You were compliant as you strode through the mall, both men flanking you like a high priority asset as you clambered into Santi’s rental truck.

Hell, you were goddamn amenable as you unlocked your front door and grabbed the hospital duffel bag from the cubby under the stairs. 

However, your cooperation waned somewhat when heading to the maternity ward as  the guys tried to wheel your chair past the hospital's Starbucks. 

Your palm, lightening fast, caught the break on the chair causing it to veer left right into Santiago’s shins.

“Ice Tea!”

“You’ve got a baby about to shoot out of your hoo-hah and you're stopping for tea?!” Santi huffed incredulously as he rubbed his shin.

“My contractions are 25 minutes apart, when they’re 15, I’ll consider joining the panicking cry baby club.” 

“Panicking baby- huh!” Santi huffed rubbing his forehead. “You are not well, Y/N/N! You’re having a baby - Go and have it and then I’ll bathe you in fucking tea!” 

“I’ll come back down and grab you one-” Will placated before Santi bent to remove the break on the chair, allowing Will to move all of two steps, before you slammed it back on, the rubber tyres screeched against the tile floor of the hospital lobby. 

“Tea. First.” You huffed much like a troublesome child. 

This time it was Will who leaned down to remove the break, having clearly decided you weren’t in your right mind.

So, you did the only thing you could; you threw your baby bag off of your lap. 

“Y/N, stop being a goddamn child!” Will huffed, you had clearly pushed him to the edge, not that it had been particularly hard. 

Ignoring him, you began to stand. They both watched on in horror as you slowly ambled your way to the end of the queue. 

Leaning against the drinks fridge, you sighed. 

Your spine was aching something awful. The poor timing of this kid resumed as a contraction wracked your body, sharper than the others, it felt longer but you had no way to be sure. 

Will was at your side the second it overcame your body.

“Twenty minutes apart, please, Y/N. Come on.”

When finally the pain dissipated, your aching back remained. You weren’t proud of the weight you were placing on Will but the floor was the only other option. 

“y/n?! … Y/N!” You heard Benny hollar before you saw him, his eyes were wild with panic as he rushed to your side. He patted his brother on the shoulder, before taking his place. “Baby, what are you doing? You need to get into bed.”

“I want… my … tea.” You huffed, breathing not yet evening out. 

“Fine, we get the tea and we go straight up. How far apart are they?”

“Twen-”

The gush of amniotic fluid leaving your body cut the older Miller off, soaking through your jeans and unfortunately onto Benny’s shoes.

“You just pissed, she just pissed!” Santi cried in disbelief, his hands an almost permanent fixture in his disheveled curls at this point. It was hard to believe this man was a pressure player.

“It's not piss, it's her waters. We need to go, I’m sorry baby, you can have all the ice tea you want when it's safe for you both.” He bent down and caught your sodden legs, picking you up in one sweep. 

If you weren’t currently covered in amniotic fluid, that story book firefighter carry would have set your loins ablaze. 

Who were you kidding? 

You were absolutely drenched in amniotic fluid and your loins were practically smoking. 

Between writhing in pain as your uterus contracted to eject a literal watermelon and lusting over your baby daddy who you had spent the last eight days practically snarling at every time he dared advance, the journey to your delivery suite had been all but a blur. 

Somehow all three men surrounded you, having coerced their way through the midwifery staff with their nefarious charm. 

“How ya’ doing champ?” Santi questioned as you huffed on the oxygen inhaler handed to you by your midwife. A thumbs up was all you could offer as you groaned through the contractions that were now give or take five minutes apart. 

“How about we use a bit of gravity?” The woman in control of the drugs questioned. A suggestion you were only more than happy to try.

Following her instructions and with minor assistance from Ben you were now on all fours, frantically inhaling the gas and air. 

“We’re going to need to clear the room, anyone who isn’t the father needs to leave.” 

You were so far gone, you didn’t care if they saw the business end of your cervix. All you knew was uncontrollable pain that wracked your body every five minutes like a sadistic egg timer. 

Ben wiped at your forehead with a damp towel as tears escaped. 

“You can do this, baby.”

“UGNGH.. It feels like I’m shitting a knife!” You cried as another contraction wracked your body. 

“Not long now, gorgeous. Then we’ll have our baby.”

“I’m not ready.” You cried burying your face in the reclined back of the bed. You couldn’t look him in the eyes.

“You are-”

“No. We’re not ready. Things were … supposed to be fixed… I promised her.”

“Wha-”

“I love you, you stupid fucking idiot. I have done for like ten years…  loved you from the second I heard your tone deaf ass singing that … crappy hick song on base. Ungh… And everything is so broken because I don’t want you … to just stay for the Bean, I want to be with you … because you want to be with me.” You cried, tears wracking your body as uncontrollably as the contractions.

“It’s all broken… I promised her and I fucked it all up. You … and Jaz can just live happily ever-” You cut yourself off with a low wail as another contraction wracked your body. It seemed to knock Benny out of his stupor as his hand rubbed your lower back.

It was a moment before you leveled out and remembered you were divulging your innermost thoughts but a moment ago, though you couldn’t find it in you to care. 

Bigger fish to fry, and all that.

“I love you. Even if you are the goddamn most stubborn fuckin’ idiot I’ve ever met. You're the mama of my baby, yeah. It scares the crap outta me. Loving you. Damn near spent three months thinking up all the reasons we couldn’t be together cause it scared me so bad.” He huffed, stroking your hair. He helped you reposition on your back, as you breathed in another wave of oxygen. “I love you, Y/N. - I don’t do this. I don’t do relationships … because this feeling in my stomach when I think of you is fuckin awful. Sure I get the tingles when you smile at me or stroke my arm. But ninety-nine percent of the time, fucking nightmare, I worry if you’re happy, if you’ve eaten and now we’re adding an whole ass entire other person into this fucking clown show.”

“Gee… thanks.” You huffed in between breaths of gas and air. 

Ben chuckled as he pushed the sweat sodden hair back from your brow. He leaned forward, pressing his mouth against yours, the kiss was brief and nowhere near what was needed but it was all you could manage. 

It was enough, you thought at that moment.

The promise, that everything wasn’t lost, there was hope ahead, it carried you through.

@sixshooter665 @queenie-b- @rambling-in-purple @anaaaispunk @miraclesabound @kravitzwhorehore @ahsokathearcher @xoxabs88xox @heresathreebee @psychadelichue @marauderskeeper @tanzthompsonn @mermaidxatxheart

[topguncortez]

Over the Rainbow | Rooster & Dragon

Opposites Attract Masterlist

synopsis: A monarch butterfly, and mourning. The Bradshaws begin the path of moving on and creating a family. The beginning of 'Over the Rainbow' series

word count: 900

warnings: pregnancy, still birth, grief, angst

The night was cool as you sat on the beach with your toes in the sand. The sun had just set, the earth still somewhat light with a faint purple in the sky. The ocean was hitting gently against the sand, a cool sea breeze rolling off and wrapping around you. You could hear the sounds of the patrons in the Hard Deck, one of them being your husband.

You had learned that his callsign was more than a nod to his father, but for the way he would preen around the Hard Deck like a bird with their feathers fluffed out. Usually, you’d be right by him, being the little devil on his shoulder and encouraging it, but tonight was just too much. 

Everything today reminded you of her. Everything. 

From the smell of the lavender tea Rooster made for breakfast. To the monarch butterfly that landed on your car door. Everywhere you looked there seemed to be something that made you think of her. Not that you didn’t think about her on a daily basis, some days were just worse than others.

You felt a body come sit down next to you, and didn’t even have to look to know who it was. The Hard Deck had gone a bit quieter since his presence was missing. Bradley put his arm around you and kissed your temple. The two of you sat in silence for a moment, just enjoying the warmth radiating off one another, until he spoke up, his eyes transfixed on the stars above him. 

“I saw a monarch today,” Bradley said, and you closed your eyes. “Landed right on the tip of my jet, and just sat there, opening its wings several times before flying away.” 

“I saw one today too,” You said and looked at your husband. He gave you a small smile, tears in his eyes as he leaned down to kiss you. He pulled away but kept his forehead resting against yours, “She would be six months old today.” 

“She would be,” He nodded. Your hand rested on his chest above his heart, where you knew that the thin cursive line tattoo resided. 

Ida May 

Ida May Bradshaw. 

The beautiful baby girl who was brought to this earth sleeping. 

After struggling and losing a baby with just trying to convenience naturally, you and Bradley decided to give IVF a go. You found a great doctor in the area that Val Machado had recommended. Doctor Josephine Miller, aka ‘Doctor Miracle’ had given you the greatest gift you had ever asked for. She said sometimes it was hard to get pregnant on the first round, but you and Bradley had gotten lucky. Everything had been fine, you were healthy, the baby was healthy. You and Bradley had just had your gender reveal party, when you collapsed at home that night. He called 9-1-1 immediately and never left your side, having to have hospital security physically remove him while the doctors aided you. 

Late term miscarriage. 

It had broken you and Bradley into pieces. You had never seen him so sad except for the night that you lost your first baby. He sat on your bed and held you in his arms as Doctor Miller told you the prognosis. She told you that there was nothing that you did that caused this, that sometimes it just happens. That the baby was somehow not compatible with life. Bradley had been your rock yet again, as you were induced that early morning, went through a fourteen hour labor, to give birth to your sleeping angel. He had come up with her name. 

“I saw it on a list that my mother had written when she was pregnant with me. She circled it a bunch of times.” 

Ida May 

On the day you found out you were pregnant with her, a monarch butterfly had landed right on your hand as you sat in the backyard. Rooster had cried, telling you that it was a sign from his mother, who had loved the butterfly. When you laid Ida to rest, the two of you released two monarchs into the world. And anytime you felt like you missed her, or needed a sign that she was alright, a monarch seemed to land right by you. 

“I think we should try again,” You whispered, “I. . . I have been thinking about it and then today. . . the monarch-” 

“Me too,” Bradley agreed, taking his hands in yours, “I would like to try again, too. Only if you-” 

“I want to,” You nodded your head, tears starting to roll down your cheeks, “I want to try again, but god, Bradley. . . What if I forget about her? What if I have a baby and forget all-” 

“You won’t, honey, you will never forget Ida. Moving on can be terrifying, I mean, I was terrified to sell my mom’s house, or to move out on my own. But starting over is apart of the grieving process,” You hated that Bradley knew so much about the grieving process, but there was no one better for you to have by your side than someone who was well versed in the art of grieving, “I think today, Ida was telling us that it’s alright. It felt like-” 

“Closure.” 

Bradley nodded. You looked back to the ocean and took a deep breath. Having a family with Bradley was all you had been dreaming about these past couple weeks. You wanted to make him happy. You wanted him to have a chance to be a dad. You wanted the chance to be a mom, yourself. You looked back at your husband, and grabbed his hand, bringing it up to your face and kissing the palm gently. 

“Let’s have another baby.”

sign up for "Over the Rainbow" Baby Series taglist :) posting every Sunday

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[covetyou]

This is an 18+ blog. No minors, pretty please.

✨ = new 🖤 = smut 🌈 = fluff 🔪 = dark 💥 = angst

series and collections

something wretched about this 🖤 - joel x f!reader 5 part series featuring Joel Miller; self appointed pharmacist, medication supplier, drug dealer and total, utter slut.

welcome to the carnal-val 🖤🎪- various x reader a pedro pascal character circus AU home of bravo the clown, ringmaster whiskey, and more.

cuck!Joel 🖤🌈- joel x f!reader, m!OC(s) x f!reader adventures in cucking one Joel Miller.

✨Dieter's PA 🖤💥- dieter x gn!reader a collection of Dieter Bravo's antics with his long suffering PA.

dress up Joel 🖤🌈 - joel x f!reader welcome to your seasonal encounters with one Mr. Joel Miller.

oneshots

sleepless 🖤 - joel x f!reader - 3.5k It’s been days since you last got anything resembling decent sleep. You’re exhausted, but more than that, you’re angry. Every little thing is pissing you off, and you just want to be left the fuck alone. Joel, ever the gentleman, has a solution to your sleeplessness, and your bad mood.

best in show 🖤- dieter x f!reader - 3.7k The Academy Awards, the most well known, well planned, film award ceremony in the world. So why is the host missing?

✨some good friend 🖤 - tim rockford x sex worker!f!reader - 7k Somewhere between Detective and himself, Tim Rockford comes to you for a relief he's finally letting himself have.

drabbles

y2k 🌈- no pairing a day in the life of Joel and Sarah Miller

fic recs

the perfect peach

SWAT kink recs