#vehicularly

[raceweek]

trying to keep up with which of alexs agendas im supposed to be peddling when a few months ago he was crashed into and ramble campaigned for stricter penalties for weeks and then today he gets shoved into a wall and the guy doing it gets a harsher penalty like he wanted but then alex becomes his defence attorney and blames the circuit design and says it was a racing incident

[mstrchu]

who taught him to do that

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

Dave: just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car and he sighed and muttered to himself "NEVER ASSIGN TO MALICE WHAT CAN BE ATTRIBUTED TO INCOMPETENCE."

[tonyglowheart]

aah, nothing I love more than almost getting fuckin. vehicularly manslaughtered by a fucking Tesla driver early in the morning

[tillman]

vehicularly yours is maybe the funniest thing ive ever written in my life im so mad it was used in the blog chain of me and my friends making jokes about medieval fictional characters

[reggiemess]

My toxic trait is that I walk slowly across the street if a car is coming.

[crabdinners]

Gonna figure out if GTA IV is any good

[silly-tma-headcanons]

Jon/martin head cannon: Jon is incapable of driving but is addicted to Dunkin’ (coffee shop) even though he hates Dunkin’. Jon gets Martin to drive him places like this

Ext. 1:00 am at night in a dark bedroom on the bedside desk lays a phone it buzzes to life and Martin wakes up in a fit

Martin:Jon! Wh-

Jon: yes yes yes I know it’s late and I should very well be asleep but the craving is overtaking me Martin

Martin: what are you talking- JON DO NOT FEED ON SOMEONE

Jon: I WASNT.

Martin: then what could you possibly be craving that WARENTS ONE AM CALL.

Jon: as you know I am… vehicularly impaired and my Dunkin’ addiction is strong. You however own a car and a credit card

Martin: I thought you hated Dunkin

Jon: I do. The place smells of sweat and rot, the code is brutal and bitter, the workers are teenagers who hate everyone and everything. Overall a horrible place to find yourself in

Martin: and your making me come along

Jon: no. I am making you drive me

Martin: I am not driving you to Dunkin AT ONE IN THE MORNING

Jon: yes you are

Martin:

Jon: see you in five

This happens every two weeks and it is always one am. Thank you

completely forgot to post this ask oh my goodness

but yes, biblically accurate jmart, for those who weren't aware

[hymnism]

he was so funny for this btw. steven you almost vehicularly manslaughtered that man you didn't have to do that

[cthulhu-with-a-fez]

i was originally planning to do a cactuar but my dad kinda vehicularly manslaughtered my pumpkin before i had the chance to do anything with it, so i pivoted a little bit to work the damage in XD

it still turned out pretty fucking good though if i do say so myself!!

[void-botanist]

ALSO trolley problem answers for spinder & anyone else who you think has a creative solution 👀

from this ask game

Spinder gets the point of this thought exercise but if they're going to ask such a contrived question, he's going to give a contrived answer. Which means he would learn a lot about trolleys and how easy it is to derail them (I am far from an expert but I think it would depend on the landscape. I suspect a trolley with a cable grip, like in San Francisco, is harder to derail if the cable grip is active, but idk). He's got a whole plan for derailing, or otherwise mechanically disrupting the trolley (if it stops pulling power does it stop moving? how fast can he get on the roof?). Aside from his absolute pettiness he also can't help but imagine the fallout from having vehicularly manslaughtered one or more people and he doesn't think he could deal with that.

Christina "now you're thinking with warpals" Larousse would just warp the trolley. Ideally this would happen after she already was not in the trolley, but if she has to die with it, so be it. In general, if sacrificing herself would save everyone else, she'd probably do it. But if there are other people in the trolley, as in some versions of the problem, because she's not going to sacrifice them to warp. Hypothetically she could just warp away the split in the track, thereby derailing the trolley and saving everyone. But that's a much smaller target than a trolley and harder to hit when she's moving. If she had to actually abide by the rules of the exercise she would kill the one person. Unless that one person was her father. Then she'd be so paralyzed about it that she'd do nothing and the five people would die. Which is still a lot less people than she indirectly enabled Althea to kill, but that's cold comfort.

Althea would let the five be killed without hesitation if there was a single person among them that had ever pissed her off. She doesn't really care either way, but it would feel better to get a little revenge. However, she would also switch away from a track Christina is tied to, an absolutely frigid comfort for Christina.

Vic, among others, has pointed out that if you do nothing, you're not responsible for what happens. Which is a tenuous position, but he would like it to be true. But he'd also rather kill one person than five, so make of that what you will.

Celia and Allison are still wondering what kind of Gotham-ass trolley line this is, like, first of all, how did these people get tied to the tracks? Is this some kind of a trick? Are the five people all robots and the one person a human? There's just not enough information here.

Dez would be extremely dismayed by the idea that the five people could be robots. But if they were, they have backups, right? Right? Syndy is already holding him back from steering away from the five probably-robots, because she considers herself an expert on how humans die, actually, so they can't run over the human. If the robots turn out to be humans, they are both scarred for life and also the first androids to go to jail, probably. They develop a weird game of chicken where they keep saying they're going to delete the memories but come up with reasons not to. Doing this only deals them more psychic damage.

"You just gotta kill the one person," Avis says, with total conviction and complete boredom. "That's how these puzzles work. You gotta do a shitty thing, so you have to do the least shitty version of the thing." It's a toss up if she'd automatically run over the five if she was considering whether or not to run over Sid as the one person, though.

@jezifster @kk7-rbs

[shadow-von-vamp]

taylor swift did commit vehicular manslaughter btw im the man she vehicularly slaughtered

[keldabekush]

PLS im so intrigued by fox gets run over by a stoner and/or twi with a sword 👀👀

Fox Gets Run Over By A Stoner would be my magnum opus if only i could be bothered to write it lmaO. Fox is crawling his way out of the underlevels after a total shitshow of an operation seperates him from his team, finally shakes off the people tailing him and steps out into a street about to make his way to the rendezvous point and gets immediately hit by a pizza delivery speeder currently being hotboxed by three teenagers. They have no idea what to do so they take him to one of their mom's houses instead of like. A HOSPITAL. Its mostly shenanigans that Fox will barely remember

“Oh fuck. Oh fuck fuck fuck - what are we doing, Reen.”

Reen doesn’t answer, because she’s too busy laughing, silently but with what looks like the fullest capacity of her lungs, into her hands. Her face has gone lime green and all of her eyes are streaming. He thinks it’s probably the panic. Mostly. Reen was strange.

Helom is sitting in the back with their …. passenger, trying to find a way to press a towel against wherever all that blood was coming from through the armour plates, which they couldn't figure out how to take off, and the clone trooper they’ve stolen- or, kidnapped- vehicularly assaulted and then abducted- is slumped against the stack of delivery boxes staring at the toes of his boots, which are twitching sluggishly to the beat of starship to anywhere by the seventones, still ringing gently from the speakers.

Every handful of minutes or so the trooper does a full-body twitch and says “what?” quite loudly, in accented Basic, and every time he does it sets Reen off into hysterics again. 

Their lives are over, Dori thinks, very very far away from his own body. Its a good thing his body seems to know where to take them, he barely has to think about the turns hes making other than to obsessively check his mirrors and blindspots for any more unexpected pedestrians popping out of sidestreets.

He hates this fucking planet, he decides. He wishes he had moved to corellia with his uncle.

[birchbritches]

Listening to the Contingencies

Contingencies sit around making wishes to be the brouhaha-in-residence, wreckage with a little recognition just the thought of which would induce reeling,

a whale comes up wholecloth from a while at sea and trapezes between tropes, knows it doesn't need to be new to do a doom well, works the room, but the boo-hoos settle and it falls back benthic, can get et on for an eon,

and the next swoops in, wind or time riding the ungreased joinery and swearing it'll bring the house down and not one organelle or beloved item will be uncrushed, supposes its staying-power untouchable, but you go outside for air

and there another hundred contingencies perk up, weren't prepared to be applicable but can slapdash something, paper every upright surface to advertise, think it'll be nice to imagine a hoard of mice or some swarm or a vehicularly wayward incidental slaying, poor soul never saw it coming,

and if you listen to all their humming it's going to bum you out.

[bitegore]

i actually really don't mind phrases like "unalive" proliferating because they're funny, in the exact same way as i like constructions like "kill you to death" and "vehicularly manslaughter you" and "murderize" and the like. they're funny. it's funny, it brings me laughter and joy

however. it makes me want to kill- ahem, unalive - myself every time i see it used in a serious manner because like. The hell. I can no longer take you even remotely seriously, it's like you slipped an amogus sus in there for no reason. You're gonna come unalive me? Someone's gonna come unalive you? damn bitch okay i hope the clown brigade's squeaky shoes warn you off before they come in??? how am i supposed to take that seriously.

"oooh i'm scared someone said they were gonna unalive me" laugh at them because that's fucking funny. it has the same emotional weight and impact to me as someone warning me they're going to steal my kneecaps and eat them.

[innocentartery]

need him to be real so i can vehicularly manslaughter him <333