#very difficult to explain

[m-jay-gee]

what's very strange is the tingling feeling that you know you're somewhere on the asexual/aromantic spectrum and have known for years but because so much of how you were raised is focused on romance and sex, you can't tell how much of your past in dating is societal pressure and how much of it is genuine.

[pmpwbrrs]

Gourmand why are you like this. How can you make living things out of the blue fruit you ate 3 minutes ago. How do you make a living breathing fucking snail? You can't even eat it, and yet you can spit it out, how the hell does that work? Put that thing back!!! Why is it alive??

And how can you make a goddamn neuron from an overseer and. What was this.... Hold on

AND KARMA FLOWER. And how can you make an overseer from neuron+ANYTHING!!!!! FROM ANYTHING!!!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!

[bunnieswithknives]

Gore, Violence and Blood under the cut

What a mess

[welcometogrouchland]

I've been binging Batman Beyond recently (Terry ily so much) and thought about how- bc of the JLU twist which I think isn't even canon to the comics BB verse but shhh bare with me- he'd technically be Damian's half brother??? Which is just so ridiculously soap opera to me. I need them to interact in a silly time travel adventure so bad you don't even understand (ID in alt)

[oblique-lane]

more mercenary analysis, whichever merc you want <3

Not a mercenary but... Okay!

Let's dissect Pauling

Always so collected, responsible and efficient. The one who is not afraid to get her hands dirty for the sake of a goal, and her performance is always one hundred percent. What could possibly be not cool about her?

Well, maybe the fact that this all is, in fact, an act. Of course it is.

I'm not saying her determination and dedication to her job aren't sincere decisions of her heart, she really enjoys it and shines in her work. It's just a matter of WHY and WHAT she's doing it for. And on what scale.

For her, her job is EVERYTHING. Eagerly working 364 days a year with barely any rest, masochistically putting herself in so much danger, blindly following the boss's instructions, not even hesitating to kill people standing on the way...

Wow, there's gotta be something going on here.

Well, obviously the Administrator plays A HUGE role in this situation. Why would Pauling trust her so much? Referring to the comics, Pauling trusted her wholeheartedly on whatever the Administrator was planning, even though she didn't know what it was. This blind following that vaguely resembles nothing less than a weird somewhat child-to-a-mother attachment. It's just a Boss, just a job, why?

Because that's what it is. Mother issues. Very apparent.

We don't know anything about Pauling's past, so there's where the headcanons begin:

I'm assuming her birth mother was very neglectful and dismissing, never acknowledged her daughter's accomplishments and struggles. No matter how hard Pauling tried to become "worthy" in her eyes, it seemed to be never enough, as if she didn't even exist at all. Maybe her mother was a substance addict or something and their household wasn't safe and stable, so Pauling had to become an adult early and run away from home as a teenager and find a job to get by.

(I assume that because I believe there was a mention in the canon lore that Ms.Pauling had been working for the Administrator for long long years (don't remember exactly), indicating that she started working when she was still a minor).

So, being taken under the Administrators wing, her young wounded brain found a substitute for a very thing she was lacking, subconsciously clinging onto the Administrator as a newly mother figure, in order to "get it right this time".

Administrators Strictness, responsibility and demandingness were the most favorite qualities of a person of authority in Pauling's eyes, in contrast to the laziness, unaccountability and indifference of the environment in which she grew up. She could finally strive.

This time she would show the mother figure that she's worthy, she's important and irreplaceable; she exists. She would prove that no amount of hardship is too much for her if it means approval for the Administrator.

And the Administrator kind-of-sort-of gave Pauling this pseudo-love in return, encouraging her to sacrifice herself even more for their work. Which is at the very least unfair, and at most just predatory. Administrators "love" was conditional, in contrast with when the real motherly love Pauling unknowingly expected. Administrator was too immature for a mother figure, too much in power for a partner or a friend, yet too close for a formal boss. What is this!? Something not nice.

The Administrator doesn't love Pauling for Pauling, she loves her working qualities. And thus, Paulings subconscious guess was confirmed that "I'm only important when I'm doing the job. I AM the job."

Tying your worth to what you DO instead of what you are is a huge dangerous existential rout one could choose. But she never really knew her importance outside of her skills, so she wouldn't know.

Now imagine how actually painful that character arc was for her, when the Administrator proved herself to be unreliable and secretive, and when Pauling started to question her intentions for the first time.

"... Because I trusted you!"

"Then why are you questioning me now?"

It wasn't even the real conversation between them, just Pauling's mind torturing her.

It reminded me of the crisis of a 4-year-old when they realise that their parents aren't perfect; they don't know anything and they CAN hurt you.This shattering illusion of almighty love. When a child stops believing that the "harsh love" their mother treats them with is simply an abuse.

Wouldn't it be terrifying to realise in your 20s thar despite running for "the mother's approval" all your life, you will never truly get it. If your mother failed to provide it to you at such a young age, nothing will truly substitute that, especially now, when you're an adult, no one will love your inner child the way it was supposed to be loved.

Unless you yourself decide to take that role.

...

Realistically speaking, it's not nearly that sever with Pauling! She's happy in the environment she's in, there's lots of interests for her to explore (Guns, fights, killin'!) So many adventures every day! Even if Pauling has her inner suffering, it's not that bad aa I describe it. Her mother problems may actually be an advantage, a reason she is such a good and caring boss for the mercenaries.

I'm just edgying things down for the sake of the clearer analysis. But still...

If the Administrator will be gone and Pauling loses her life-dedicated job... What will be left? Who is Pauling once Mann Co is no more? Can she answer that?

References:

– A video that helped me better understand the Good Girl mask:

– "Lise Bourbeau's 5 soul wounds model: Injustice"

[skrunksthatwunk]

actually i'm still thinking about the moral orel finale.

he has a cross on his wall. do you know how much i think about that bc it's a lot.

a lot of stories ((auto)biographical or fictional) centering escape from abusive/fundamentalist christianity result in the lead characters leaving behind christianity entirely. and that makes complete sense! people often grow disillusioned with the associated systems and beliefs, and when it was something used to hurt them or something so inseparable from their abuse that they can't engage with it without hurting, it makes total sense that they would disengage entirely. and sometimes they just figure out that they don't really believe in god/a christian god/etc. a healthy deconstruction process can sometimes look like becoming an atheist or converting to another religion. it's all case by case. (note: i'm sure this happens with other religions as well, i'm just most familiar with christian versions of this phenomenon).

but in orel's case, his faith was one of the few things that actually brought him comfort and joy. he loved god, y'know? genuinely. and he felt loved by god and supported by him when he had no one else. and the abuses he faced were in how the people in his life twisted religion to control others, to run away from themselves, to shield them from others, etc. and often, orel's conflicts with how they acted out christianity come as a direct result of his purer understanding of god/jesus/whatever ("aren't we supposed to be like this/do that?" met with an adult's excuse for their own behavior or the fastest way they could think of to get orel to leave them alone (i.e. orel saying i thought we weren't supposed to lie? and clay saying uhhh it doesn't count if you're lying to yourself)). the little guy played catch with god instead of his dad, like.. his faith was real, and his love was real. and i think it's a good choice to have orel maintain something that was so important to him and such a grounding, comforting force in the midst of. All That Stuff Moralton Was Up To/Put Him Through. being all about jesus was not the problem, in orel's case.

and i know i'm mostly assuming that orel ended up in a healthier, less rigid version of christianity, but i feel like that's something that was hinted at a lot through the series, that that's the direction he'd go. when he meditates during the prayer bee and accepts stephanie's different way to communicate, incorporating elements of buddhism into his faith; when he has his I AM A CHURCH breakdown (removing himself from the institution and realizing he can be like,, the center of his own faith? taking a more individualistic approach? but Truly Going Through It at the same time), his acceptance (...sometimes) of those who are different from him and condemned by the adults of moralton (stephanie (lesbian icon stephanie my beloved), christina (who's like. just a slightly different form of fundie protestant from him), dr chosenberg (the jewish doctor from otherton in holy visage)). his track record on this isn't perfect, but it gets better as orel starts maturing and picking up on what an absolute shitfest moralton is. it's all ways of questioning the things he's been taught, and it makes sense that it would lead to a bigger questioning as he puts those pieces together more. anyway i think part of his growth is weeding out all the lost commandments of his upbringing and focusing on what faith means to him, and what he thinks it should mean. how he wants to see the world and how he wants to treat people and what he thinks is okay and right, and looking to religion for guidance in that, not as like. a way to justify hurting those he's afraid or resentful of, as his role models did.

he's coming to his own conclusions rather than obediently, unquestioningly taking in what others say. but he's still listening to pick out the parts that make sense to him. (edit/note: and it's his compassion and his faith that are the primary motivations for this questioning and revisal process, both of individual cases and, eventually, the final boss that is christianity.) it makes perfect sense as the conclusion to his character arc and it fits the overall approach of the show far better. it's good is what i'm saying.

and i think it's important to show that kind of ending, because that's a pretty common and equally valid result of deconstruction. and i think it cements the show's treatment of christianity as something that's often (and maybe even easily) exploited, but not something inherently bad. something that can be very positive, even. guys he even has a dog he's not afraid of loving anymore. he's not afraid of loving anyone more than jesus and i don't think it's because he loves this dog less than bartholomew (though he was probably far more desperate for healthy affection and companionship when he was younger). i think it's because he figures god would want him to love that dog. he's choosing to believe that god would want him to love and to be happy and to be kind. he's not afraid of loving in the wrong way do you know how cool that is he's taking back control he's taking back something he loves from his abusers im so normal

[flowerytale]

me: haven't posted regularly for a while. also me: convinced that everyone on this site hates me for this reason. the whole world: *barely noticed I ever existed *

[atthebell]

I would love the context,

i don't even know where to begin but basically because cellbit is extremely famous and for a very long time was EXTREMELY disliked within brazilian content creation circles/by fans (due to a myriad of factors-- partially some legit criticism, partially people lashing out because he doesn't like parasocial stuff, partially people deciding he's just a good punching bag, and also the stuff with his ex for many years made a lot of people feel justified in how awful they were to him). this isn't like that wild on its own BUT the amount of ex-friends/colleagues/ex-ordem cast members who will just randomly decide to talk shit about him for no reason is genuinely crazy. like watching old vods where he plays with other people will be wild because he'll be playing with like four people who since then have said absolutely batshit stuff about him, and it's kind of crazy just how many people it is. like you know how people don't talk enough about how there is a version of parasociality that involves being obsessed with hating someone? that's kind of how many, many people were/are with cellbit, particularly fans, and particularly ordem fans. the crew from the fear pong video + a few others are like. the small crew of people who haven't talked shit about him, alongside newer gringo friends of his.

this isn't a great explanation because there's too much context to really get into in a single or even a few posts, but tl;dr people talk shit about cellbit constantly and he was making a joke about how at least matt and everyone would be doing it to his face rather than, say, on-stream while he's asleep without talking to him about said issues beforehand

[ruvviks]

finally got around making a proper outfit reference sheet for nathan! he likes wearing dark clothes which really emphasizes just how pale he is. he was a STEM developer at MOBIUS for nine years what did you expect </3 click for higher resolution and to get a closer look at all the details! outfits from left to right: his gear for the evil within 2, 1am convenience store trip, his mobius gear, and an improvised outfit for my own fictional the evil within 3 =^)

taglist (opt in/out)

@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;

@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;

@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;

@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree;

@jacobseed, @swordcoasts

[poisonedfate]

it very much hasn’t healed yet but! here’s the merlin tattoo i’ve been talking about:

bit of an odd angle on this (who knew that taking a pic of my knee would be so hard), so it looks a little wonkier than it actually is, though the reference i chose was like an older looking coin, one that didn’t necessarily resemble a real one, especially not one you would see now, since it wouldn’t have matched my style.

we ended up going for an ‘ornament’, or rather a variation of one, seen in architecture and one that remind me of spears and sword ends etc. for the other side we chose to reference butterfly wings, but, because i wanted it to match/mirror the other, it ended up looking more like a flower in my opinion, which i think is quite cool (nothing if not a big sucker for things that can be seen in different ways).

(overall very happy with it and am still seriously considering just getting a dragon tattoo on its own, i have half a zoo on my body at this point, i might as well continue the theme)

[sonik-kun]

"Jiang Cheng would have been involved in the attack on the Burial Mounds even without the death of sister"

For context, this all takes place AFTER JZX was killed. From JC's pov that was all 100% WWX's fault (bear in mind, WWX does have some culpability with his death. He lost control because of his unrestrained resentment for JZX. Sooo).

Was JC not supposed to do anything? Just sit there and twiddle his thumbs? Object to the siege entirely, perhaps? How do you think that would have looked to the rest of the CW? It would have been very suspicious if he didn't take part in eliminating a potential threat to the CW. Especially when said threat was once a part of his sect and KILLED his brother in law. Wouldn't they think it is strange that he refused to take part and get revenge on behalf of his sister??

If he did object or refused to take part, the rest of the CW would have grown even more suspicious of him. And the Jiang sect would have had a huuuuuuge target on their backs next. Especially giving how power hungry the Jins were becoming.

It was a very difficult situation he was put in. Not one he could easily talk his way out of. We've seen him try to numerous times even before things escalated to vouch for WWX and even once for the Wen siblings. And we all saw how that went down. Do you seriously think he could talk his way out of this one? After a sect heir had been slaughtered by his former SiC? Come on now.

All of this is why we see JC desparing so much because he is watching his brother spiral and spiral, and all he can do is watch on helplessly, for it is beyond his power to save him.

WWX kept so much from JC. He sided with the sect that almost wiped out his own and then goes on to inadvertently kill his brother in law. How do you think that must have looked to JC? How JC must have felt?? Let's be real here and look at things from his pov. Because I feel as though some of yall are failing to do so.

To JC, WWX had become unhinged and out of control. But even after the death of JZX, JC still seemed to desperately hold onto hope for his brother. He exclaims when he's holding his dying sister in his arms, "I thought you said you could control it?!"

That says to me that JC had faith in his brother that he could fix all this up until JYL was caught up in it all.

If you look at things from JC's pov, you'll see how bad things looked for WWX. How culpable he appeared throughout it all. And when you take that into consideration and realise that JC doesn't have all the information we as the reader are privileged to have, we can easily see why he came to such a conclusion.

It was either WWX or the lives of hundreds in his sect. JC chose to protect the many. And that doesn't make him a terrible person. Nor does it make him a terrible brother. He did all he could for WWX. But to him, WWX had made his bed, and so he should lay in it.

[taz-writes]

here's a hot take for today

the narrative function of sex is the same as the narrative function of fight scenes is the same as the narrative function of songs in a musical

no i will not explain

[waywardstation]

Almost back home!!! I’ve been away for two weeks and I haven’t had good internet connection. Looking forward to getting back home.

I’ve been quiet cause of it, so how about a shop/merch update!! The products from my shop have already gone through a round of proofs this last week after I placed the order (as some files had gotten mixed up). I’m hoping the products finish their manufacturing and are shipped to me within this next week or so!

I’ve ordered extras of everything to put up in the shop as “in stock” after I send out my preorders, also ordered a few items as samples. They had a higher MOQ (minimum order quantity) so if they turn out well, I’d like to do a giveaway with some of them!

[lokh]

it's tough that a lot of little but important things to dungeon meshi characterisations are all over the place and not the most easily accessible

[skitskatdacat63]

I don't know how I'd ever convey this in art but. Thinking very deeply about how in boy king au, a very crucial part of characterization is that Seb is a wolf in sheep(or lamb more specifically)'s clothing and Fernando is a sheep in wolf's clothing.

Seb is very unassuming, very delicate, seemingly very vulnerable and malleable. But, deep down, he can be very ruthless. It's in the the way he hesitantly declares war, with a spark in his eye and a suppressed smirk. In the way he challenges someone to a card game or a horse race, proclaiming that he's not great, but winning every round and prancing around the room and mentioning it ad infinitum. The way he's able to instantly turn the tide in a debate in one fell swoop. By showing all his cards constantly and letting himself be vulnerable, he's making himself invulnerable. No one would ever consider him to be able to make big moves, so he wins every single time, because no one even thinks to expect it from him.

Fernando on the other hand, is constantly committed to having a looming presence and harsh reputation, but deep down, he's soft. He knows what happens to people when they're vulnerable, and he's not going to let himself be taken advantage of. The way he keeps a brave face when being informed of the marriage proposal, but goes back to his room and cries. The way he proclaims that he was always going to be the rightful ruler of Spain, but confides to Flavio that he never thought there was any real chance of it ever happening. The way he takes himself so seriously in public, but inside feels so giddy whenever he can make someone laugh. Everything to him always feels unstable and ready to crumble at any moment, and he's not willing to contribute to that by letting himself relax.

I think thats why it's very difficult for them to get along at first, because they have completely different approaches to how they carry themselves and make their way through life. Seb is confused at Fernando because he feels that he's very bland and overly serious at first, but truthfully he's not really seeing the actual Fernando. And Fernando finds Seb to be naive and easily taken advantage of, but that's because he's never seen Seb at his most cruel. Seb really loves when he eventually gets to see Fernando being vulnerable, and Fernando really admires and respects Seb when he sees him being serious. I think it just takes a while for them to show the other their full and complete selves, even the parts they can sometimes be ashamed of. There's this very compelling dichotomy in Seb laying out all his cards, but still being very difficult to read, and Fernando keeping his cards to his chest, but his intentions often being easily seen through.

[nohomie]

Are demons born demons or humans that died and turn into demons or is it just a mix of both?

(And also Julie is best girl)

Oh! Thats simple, think of demons as just another race. Demons are born demons. While demons can mingle with other races too and create hybrids, you cant turn a human born human into a demon

Basically you cant change a person's natural race, human or mythic because the only kind that can turn you from a human are vampires and usually only humans get turned into vampires. Usually. Normally--