#very painful and some friendship but very good

[engie-ivy]

I wrote a follow-up to my previous microfic to turn the break-up fic into a Break-Up, and Make-Up?, fic!

1576 words

Remus and Sirius went from being close friends, to dating, to being friends again. Difficult as that may be, outwardly, they seem to be doing great...

Regrets & Mistakes

“Because she's my best friend!”

“That's all the more reason to tell her!” Lily argues, as she stands in front of the couch Marlene is curled up on. “You know what a good fit you are, you know how well you get on, you know Dorcas is not the kind of person to ever mock you for it, even if she doesn't feel the same,” Lily starts listing off as she paces up and down. “And if she does feel the same, you'll have this great foundation of friendship to build a relationship upon, and you'll have-”

“So much to lose!” Marlene interjects. “Lily,” she sighs, letting herself fall on her back on the couch. “Dorcas is my best friend, one of the most important people in my life. If she doesn't feel the same… Hell, even if she does feel the same, but we somehow muck it up, there's no coming back from that. We'll be forever changed, never the way we were.” Marlene shakes her head. “I don't think I'm willing to risk that.”

“Marls, do you know how many assumptions you are making?” Lily asks. “That it's bound to go up in smoke, for starters. But even if that happens, that doesn't have to permanently damage your friendship.”

Marlene gives her a skeptical look. “How on earth could that not affect a friendship?”

“Remus!” Lily suddenly exclaims, and Remus gives a start, almost dropping the piece of chocolate he was about to eat from the pile they had brought to cheer up Marlene (and if she's not eating it, someone's gotta).

“What?” he asks.

“You and Sirius were best friends,” Lily states. “Then you got together, dated for a while, broke up, and now you're still close friends.”

Remus nods.

“So it's possible!” Lily exclaims. “It's possible to go through a breakup and still be best friends after! Tell Marlene it's possible! Tell her that even the worst-case-scenario doesn't have to be so bad!”

Remus turns to Marlene. “It's not so bad,” he says dutifully.

Lily smiles triumphantly, but Remus continues. “At least, if you don't mind being constantly reminded of the worst mistake you ever made and seeing every single day how you let the best thing that ever happened to you get away, that is.”

"Okay," Lily says slowly. “Let's unpack that-” she gestures towards Remus as a whole “-later. We're now focusing on Marlene's issues.”

“Nope,” Marlene says, picking up a pillow and hiding her face underneath. “Absolutely not. I'm never ever telling her about my feelings now.”

“Here you are.”

Remus slides into the seat across from Sirius, who's drinking his coffee in a coffeeshop different from where they normally go.

“Oh,” Sirius looks startled. “Ehm, I was actually just going to…”

“Avoid me,” Remus states, crossing his arms over his chest.

An angry look passes over Sirius’ face. “Well, I thought you might want some time apart from me.”

“Want time apart from you?” Remus repeats, non-understanding . He's never wanted time apart from Sirius. Even when Sirius had been so intense that Remus had doubted he would ever be able to give Sirius what he needed, and in his anxiety decided to just end things before he would inevitably disappoint him, even when the wound was still so fresh and seeing Sirius made it bleed all over again, even then, Remus had not wanted time apart from Sirius. The pain of seeing Sirius simply wasn't as bad as having to miss Sirius. “Why would I want time apart from you?”

Sirius shrugs, trying to look casual, but Remus can see the tension set in his shoulders. “I dunno. Can't imagine it's very fun to be constantly reminded of ‘the worst mistake you ever made’.”

“Ah,” Remus says, finally understanding what all this is about. “You heard about that.” He still wonders what exactly Sirius is so miffed about. That he talked about their previous relationship behind his back? That he hasn't been honest to him about how hung up he still is on him? Or just the fact alone that he is still hung up on him?

Sirius averts his eyes. “I heard Lily and Marlene talk about how that's what you said.”

“I'm sorry,” Remus says. “I shouldn't have talked about our relationship behind your back.”

Sirius’ eyes snap up to Remus’ face. “It's not that you talked, Remus, it's how you talked! A mistake? Like it's something you regret?”

So it is the fact that he regrets the breakup itself that Sirius is angry about. Honestly, Remus can sort of understand. After all, salvaging their friendship afterwards had been hard, even seemed impossible at times, but they managed. And now, when they have finally established some sort of normalcy between them again, Remus suddenly goes and brings up these lingering feelings.

But even though it took Remus a while to admit to himself that breaking up with Sirius had been a mistake, he's never been particularly happy about the breakup, so it really shouldn't affect how things are between them that much.

“It doesn't have to change anything.”

“How can you say that?” Sirius replies. “How can the knowledge that you consider something that still means so much to me a mistake not change anything?” He shakes his head. “You broke my heart, Remus, you know that.” He's simply stating a fact, which supposedly it is. “And yes, sometimes when I look at you, I still feel so much that I wish I could rip my heart out just to stop it from hurting. But when I recall our time together, I recall falling asleep in your sweater with my head in your lap, dancing to our favourite songs in the living room, wrapping my arms around you from behind as you're making your morning tea. Despite the pain, I would not, I could not, call it a mistake.”

Oh.

With Sirius overhearing Lily and Marlene talk about what Remus said, something clearly got lost in translation. Sirius does not know Remus was referring to the breakup being the worst mistake he ever made, not the relationship itself, not Sirius himself.

“So yeah,” Sirius says eventually, his cheeks slightly colouring, as Remus, still processing this new knowledge, stays quiet. “I figured some space would be good.”

There are so many things Remus wants to say all at once, he doesn't know where to start. “I don't want space,” he begins.

“Well, maybe I do!” Sirius snaps. “Damn you, Remus. How much hurt do you think I can take?” He pushes his chair back and gets to his feet. “I care so bloody much about you, you could basically stab me and I would still love you, but I do have a limit, and after being blindsided with the breakup and now you telling people us dating was a mistake, I think I've reached that limit.”

Before Remus can say anything, Sirius turns on his heels and leaves the coffeeshop.

Emotions are swirling through Remus’ body. Sadness and guilt for how much he has hurt Sirius, of course, but also, perhaps misplaced, hope.

‘I still feel so much’

‘I care so bloody much about you’

‘I would still love you’

Maybe the chapter isn't fully closed yet for Sirius either?

Remus jumps to his feet to follow Sirius, but then he realizes they haven't paid for the coffee yet, and he frantically starts patting his pockets for some cash.

“Oh, just leave it!” A voice says from behind, and Remus turns to find the waitress standing there, with her hands on her hips. “Just go! Go after your man! Go!”

Mumbling a quick ‘thank you’ Remus rushes out of the coffeeshop.

“Sirius, wait!”

Remus grabs Sirius’ elbow, and Sirius stops, sighs, and turns around to face him.

“I don't think of you as a mistake,” Remus says. “It's not dating you that I see as the worst mistake of my life, it's breaking up with you.”

Sirius’ eyes widen and his mouth opens in a silent ‘oh’, and, slightly encouraged, Remus takes a step closer to him.

“Sirius,” Remus says softly. “I regret being a cowardly idiot and giving into my fears by breaking up with you before I could somehow mess it up, but I do not, and will never, regret having been with you.” Without thinking, he places a hand on Sirius’ cheek. “I do not regret falling in love with you, and I do not even regret loving you still.”

Sirius blinks at him. “You… You still…”

“Yes.” Remus leans in just a bit and briefly presses his lips to Sirius’.

Like coming home.

Sirius opens and closes his mouth a couple of times before saying “I… I can't get my hopes up if you'll just run the moment things get too real.”

“I won't,” Remus immediately says. “I've learned my lesson, and I will not hurt you again. I hate that I hurt you in the first place, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for that, if you let me. No, scratch that,” he shakes his head. “I'll do that anyway. How I'll do that, that is up to you.”

Sirius hesitates for a moment. “I guess you can make it up to me…” He says, slowly reaching out and placing his hand over Remus’. “By being the best boyfriend I could possibly wish for.”

A smile breaks out on Remus’ face. “You got it, love.”

[amorphous-binary]

RE: Starscream

Everything below the 'read more' may be considered a spoiler for the batch of new episodes (season two, episodes 1-9) which dropped in June 2024.

Proceed with caution!

I. foreword

I recently went and rewatched the new episodes. I had seen a little bit about Starscream being a lil bastard and I was curious.

I did not watch everythin in chronological order though! I went based on my own interest — by how interesting the episode synopses sounded.

II. Season One of Earthspark

A large part of S1 Earthspark was the end of the Autobot-Decepticon War. The Terrans were positioned as a bridge between the two factions and humanity. There is fighting, of course. Lots of skirmishes and such. But by and by, there is no War. Only Autobots and GHOST. The Decepticons are not in a position to serve as an opposition for much of the season. Their forces, like the Autobots' own, are scattered.

Another big theme of S1 was picking up the pieces of the War — good and bad. There was a spirit of atonement. Optimus rounding up other Cybertronians on GHOST's behalf was part of his atonement. Megatron assisting was part of his. The Terrans, per Megatron, also have some part to play in this (and which Thrash is frustrated with). And likewise, Starscream represents another, much more difficult part of atonement: accepting that not everyone will be willing to forgive and forget what was done to them.

Season One went to great lengths to emphasise that Decepticons are not inherently bad, just as Autobots are not inherently good. It did not always deliver this message cleanly or without narrative difficulty, but it was obvious the main anatagonist in S1 was not the Decepticons, but GHOST.

That's why we had episodes which focused on the Terrans interacting with the Cons. On Swindle and his brother. On Bumblebee and Breakdown's friendship. On Hashtag emphasising with Starscream.

Thus far, Earthspark has been a bit greyer than previous television entries in the franchise.

And Season 2, despite being okay so far, has gone against that. The Decepticons, after just one year, are now back to being more villainous than ever. And all for a new motivation that was never hinted at (based on my admittedly hazy recollection).

III. Starscream

S1 Starscream wnated nothing to do with Megatron. His aspiration at the time was escape first from GHOST and then from Earth. Fine, reasonable, whatever.

His scene with Hashtag was very sympathetic; acknowledgement that whatever pain he suffered st the hands of Megatron was a real and valid experience. Heart-warming, yes, but that acknowledgement wouldn't be enough to turn Starscream over to the 'good' side. Fair enough.

I have seen some people say that the only reason some fans dislike S2 is because Starscream is back to being a villain. I have to disagree. People dislike S2 Starscream because his actions make no sense based on the themes and characterisation of S1.

For me, the callousness of his execution of the Chaos Terrans came out of nowhere. It would be fine in a series like Animated or Prime, but Earthspark showed Starscream to be a sympathetic character who is rightfully suspicious of any haven Megatron offers to him.

Starscream's execution of Spitfire and Aftermath suited Starscream as a general character.

I can see his interpretation of "Take care of yourself". That makes sense.

His wanting to reformat Earth into New Cybertron makes sense, too. The Cons' best scientist (Shockwave) was unable to even so much as confirm that Cybertron still exists. From what we see, no one (Bot, Con or otherwise) has the capability to travel through space. The reformat also makes sense if we presume that Starscream was corrupted somehow — either by assuming leadership (which has been a key part of his general character) or by working with Chaos Energy.

It also makes sense that he would kill others to achieve his goals. He's Starscream.

But for specifically Earthspark Starscream, it is just ... jarring. I would not be so bothered by it if this version of Starscream showed some hint of the sympathetic portrayal from S1. A moment of hesitance. Maybe deciding not to go through with the execution at the last minute because he saw Hashtag or something.

I dunno.

Like, if S1 Earthspark had not gone to such a great length to humanise the Decepticons, I wouldn't be as frustrated as I am now writing this.

Why bother humanisng them if you are just going to fall back on the "They are all actually 100% evil lol" schtick?

I am not saying that humanisation = morally good characters. Soundwave's affection with Ravage (feeding her energon treats and petting and holding her as one would an actual cat) are humanising details, but I have never once went "Hm! :) Redemption Arc! Soundwave!".

Starscream's sudden heel-face-turn was immensely disappointing, but I did enjoy a couple of this drop's episodes.

[flowerandblood]

The Fall from the Heavens (39)

[ canon • Aemond x Strong • niece female ]

[ warnings: description of character death, childbirth, anxiety, sex content, smut, angst, breeding kink ]

[ description: A cool distance turns into friendship and more when two children see that they can find refuge and understanding in each other. However, naïve dreams collide with the reality in which every event has consequences and what once could have been love becomes a dark, newly painful obsession. Angst, sexual tension, obsession, violence, madness, very dark Aemond. ]

The story in this series is an alternate reality from the oneshot Stay and love, leave and die, in which Aemond reads the letters his niece has sent to him over the years. They are the same characters and it shows what would have happened between them − I have changed the background story from their childhood slightly for the sake of the plot.

Characters & Series Moodboard Lady Strong Moodboard Aemond & Lady Strong Moodboard Aemond & Lady Strong Childhood

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Next chapters: Masterlist

_____

What he had done and the death of his grandfather, although it filled him with sadness, eased the tension between Dragonstone and the Red Keep to some extent. Something of a ceasefire was to last until his wife gave birth to his child.

He was horrified at how much depended on this.

To his despair, Harrenhal, although in his mind it was supposed to be a place of their solace and rest, had become a neutral fortress, with members of both the Black and Green factions arriving there.

Neither Daemon nor his mother had any intention of leaving until the matter was resolved once and for all, but they did not say so out loud. Daemon focused on searching for Larys Strong and burning nearby villages, while his mother tried to support his wife through the hardships of expecting his offspring.

Her lower abdomen swelled from his inheritance more and more each day, her breasts grew fuller, her hips wider.

Before his eyes she was changing, becoming even more feminine.

Although the maester's indications were different, in the privacy of his chamber they made love to each other, unable to maintain restraint in this aspect.

He did not dare to be aggressive or violent towards her, treating her body as if it were a temple; his fingers, as he pressed his naked body against her back, lying on his side with her, made sure that she would be all wet and moist before he put his erection, aching with desire, into her.

Once he was sure her body would accept him with ease, he lifted her soft thigh gently, allowing her hand to direct the head of his cock into her slit. His free hand clamped down on her full, plump, soft breast as with a slow, unhurried thrust he opened her lazily on his swollen length, moaning with her in delight.

"– yes –" She breathed out, clasping her hands on his arms that embraced her, rocking her hips, trying to find a rhythm with him and force him to accelerate.

"– no, sweet girl – we're only going to tease this little cunt – we can't hurt the baby –" He whispered in her ear, placing sticky, hot kisses on her neck and shoulders, leaving wet marks behind as his hard manhood opened her slick, fleshy walls again and again with the soft, deep stabs of his hips.

She shook her head, her breath heavy at the thought that he might take it out of her when it felt so good, when he was filling her insides so wonderfully again, thirsting for his closeness.

"– please – please, husband, inside me –" She mumbled out, tilting her head back with a sigh of euphoria as his thumb pressed hard on her puffy nipple, teasing it between his fingers. Her core clenched greedily on his erection, sucking it in, making him involuntarily speed up.

"– fuck –" He exhaled, feeling his will to slide out of her move away from him with each faster, sharper thrust. He gave up when he heard the loud clicks of her wetness as he began to pound into her with all his strength, panting hard along with her, chasing his fulfilment.

"– is this what you want? – you're carrying my baby, and you already want another? – hm? –" He hissed, driving his fingers into her wonderfully soft, hot breast. She squirmed at his words, grabbing his hair from behind, responding with movements of her hips to his thrusts, soaking his cock wet.

"– yes –" She mumbled out, already thinking with her weeping cunt rather than her sober mind.

"– fucking beg – beg your uncle –" He growled, tightening his hand around her neck, careful not to overdo it though. She moaned loudly, her leaking, hot walls giving his throbbing erection a thirsty, quick squeeze.

"– please – p-please, uncle, oh gods – oh gods, oh gods –" She babbled as he felt her wetness run down her thighs with her fulfilment, his hand stroking her swollen abdomen before he sighed heavily in relief, his warm spend filling her insides again.

"– Rhaenys –" He muttered, letting go of her neck, snuggling her back into him, placing loud, hot kisses on her neck. He felt her jump up suddenly, excited, and she grabbed his hand quickly, placing it on her stomach.

"– can you feel it, uncle? – here –" She gasped, and indeed, he seemed to feel movement under her skin, and then again and again.

He blinked, breathing loudly through his mouth, and smiled involuntarily, feeling warmth in his heart at the thought that their child lived deep inside her, safe and sound.

Their little dragon.

"– yes – yes, I can feel it –" He whispered, pressing his cheek against hers, looking at their entwined hands.

"– our child has sensed our excitement –" She said with amusement, and he hummed at her words, placing a lazy, soft kiss on her shoulder.

With each week, the baby in her womb made her more and more uncomfortable – her ankles swelled from even a short walk, she was dying once from the heat and once from the cold.

He felt helpless knowing that everything she was experiencing was on her shoulders, and there was nothing he could do to relieve her even for a moment.

As her husband, he made sure that every evening there was a tub of warm or cold water waiting for her, depending on her mood, sitting by her side and stroking her hair as she lay in the bath with her eyes closed, trying to relax. Before bed, he massaged her back, calves and feet, wanting to ease her pain a little.

"– ah! –" She hissed, trying to get away from his knuckles that were digging into her spine. "– not so hard! – it hurts –"

"– I have to do it hard – otherwise it won't have any effect –" He replied, pulling her back to him, putting as much force into his massage as he saw fit. She quivered in his embrace, begging him to stop, and when he finally finished, she sighed in relief as she felt the tension leave her muscles.

"– better? –" He asked, and she nodded wordlessly.

The only comfortable sleeping position for her was lying on her side, so he embraced her from behind, wrapping his arms around her and their child.

Although the presence of her father and brother, as well as his mother, drove him mad, on the other hand, he felt safer because of them, knowing that he was not watching over their safety alone.

A few months earlier he had not believed it possible, but he and his niece were once again conversing with each other as they had when they were children: frankly and directly, sometimes leading to arguments and anger which, however, quickly passed and they fell asleep each evening in a tender embrace.

The knowledge that he shared everything he was experiencing with her, the weight of the future, the weight of his inheritance, the weight of the crown made him have the strength to bear it.

He could finally see a meaning in it all, as if at last the gods had revealed to him the purpose of his life.

The being growing in her womb fascinated him more and more – he could lie for hours with his cheek nestled against her belly swollen from his heritage, kissing her warm skin, her fingers playing with strands of his hair.

The thing that excited him most was the fact that his baby moved often or kicked hearing his voice.

"You don't let your mother sleep at night. You squirm terribly." He murmured and smiled involuntarily when he felt the little creature twist inside her.

Increasingly, he wondered, had his father cuddled in this way with his mother's body when she carried him under her heart? Or did that honour accrue only to Aemma?

He felt a cold sweat on his back thinking about his wife's grandmother and what had happened to her.

He promised himself that he would save his niece's life even if it meant the death of his child.

He preferred to live through his grief and beget another than lose her again.

Daemon, unable to bear being in the same fortress with his mother, gave himself completely to the search for Lord Strong and, to everyone's surprise, he found him where no one expected him to be: in King's Landing.

He didn't know who had reported this to his uncle, but he assumed that the women in the brothels were his eyes and ears: he had received word that Larys Strong was hiding in one of the ports and wanted to get out of Westeros by ship in one of the empty wine barrels, to disappear forever in Essos and never be found.

Daemon was quicker, and although his original plan was different, he liked the vision of having his head impaled on a spike. The rest of his body was thrown into the river, while he took the part from the neck upwards with him only to throw it under his wife's feet.

"He lived like a rat and died like a rat." He said.

Then, to her despair, he ordered his head to be stuck on a spike above the walls of Harrenhal to welcome all comers, warning them to know what would befall those who threatened his children.

Although he felt regret and shame that he was not the one who had caught him, he was immensely relieved to know that everything had returned to some point from which their family could begin again.

He didn't believe he could ever forgive Luke and didn't want to see him: all he wanted was for him to rule in Driftmark, beget his bastard children and not appear before his face.

The thought of Jace inheriting Dragonstone filled him with frustration, however, he knew that this compromise for everyone was bittersweet, and he had to swallow his deep sip in silence.

What he had written to her about in his letter had come true.

Each of them had to sacrifice something.

What bothered him was that the closer it got to the childbirth, the more his wife became silent and thoughtful, closing herself off in her mind.

He knew this was not a good sign.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked sitting down next to her on the bed, pulling her out of her reverie. She blinked and shook her head, stroking her swollen lower abdomen.

"About nothing." She whispered.

"I want to know." He said impatiently, and she sighed heavily. She pressed her lips together, as if she was embarrassed by what she was about to say.

"My body will never be the same again after… after this." She confessed, and he blinked, completely not understanding what she meant.

"I do not follow."

She closed her eyes, impatient and distraught, tightening her fingers on her nightgown.

"My body after I give birth. My stomach, my thighs, my breasts. They will never be the same again. I'll probably have scars, my skin won't be as firm, it will be…"

"Do you really want to speak with me about scars? About irreversible changes?" He asked roughly, and she lowered her head, her eyes red from tears of shame.

"I told you it was nothing." She muttered in a trembling voice, not looking at him.

He pressed his lips together, feeling a discomfort in his stomach, knowing that he had reacted inappropriately and this was not what he meant. He sighed, considering for a moment whether or not to do it, and then decided it was the only way.

He reached into his left eye and grasped the sapphire that had been inserted into his eye socket, then took it out, for the first time in the presence of another person.

He turned his face towards her, but her gaze was fixed on her hands.

"Look at me." He said softly.

She lifted her eyes to his and froze, surprised, her lips parted involuntarily.

"– Aemond –"

"– do you consider me disgusting? – unworthy of your love? – would you betray me and my trust by what you now see before you? –" He asked, and she shook her head quickly, her breath heavy.

"– no – no, of course not, my love – I –"

"– do you think I'm looking at every part of your body making sure it doesn't change? – that I believe that though I grow old, you will be forever young? – do you count the scars I have on my body? – do you pay attention to them, think about them when you make love to me? –" He continued to ask, tears one after another running down her cheeks. She looked at him pleadingly, shaking her head.

"– no –" She mumbled out with difficulty.

"– so why do you judge me so unfairly? – because I am a man and you are a woman? – you think you're beautiful because you're young? – you're beautiful because you're mine – because you smile at the sight of me, because your bare body is warm and moist for me, because your breasts and hips are soft when I dig my fingers into them –" He whispered, placing his hand on her knee, sliding it down to her thigh.

She looked at him with big eyes in silence, quivering, listening to him in complete silence, wiping her tears from her face flushed with emotion.

"– those are beautiful words – you moved me deeply –"

"– I love you –" He said without thinking and nodded his head as if admitting to himself that he was right. "– as you put it – it's not love like in poems – it's something painfully real –"

Although he thought they still had a few more days, the delivery took them by surprise, and his wife simply collapsed one morning as her servants were helping her dress, a loud, surprised moan leaving her lips.

"– Aemond – Aemond, g-gods, it has begun –" She cried.

He called Alys, his mother and the servants to help her immediately, not knowing what he was supposed to do himself, her face flooded with tears, the terror in her eyes that made him helpless.

She was suffering, and he could not help her.

"– leave, my Prince –" Alys ordered, and he nodded, watching her with a look of defiance.

"– she is to survive –"

The Witch of Harrenhal grinned, understanding what he meant.

As in his dream, he, Daemon and Jace were left alone in the other chamber that belonged to him, adjacent to the one where his wife lay. He covered his face with his hands, hearing her cries clearly, her screams and moans, feeling himself tremble all over, his heart in his throat.

His niece tried to bring his offspring into the world in pain, suffering for him and his cause, and he could only sit and wait.

"– childbirth – a nightmare for wives and husbands – drink, nephew –" Daemon said in a bored, tired voice, himself visibly tense, handing him a cup of wine, which he did not, however, take from him. His uncle laughed under his breath.

"– you are as stubborn as your mother –"

He did not answer, staring dully ahead.

He was afraid, hearing her whines, that his dream would become reality, and the thought that he might lose her once again made him feel a terrifying emptiness in his mind.

He frowned when the sounds suddenly stopped, involuntarily glancing at Daemon. He was horrified to see that his uncle had also turned pale, looking towards the door, knowing that this was either a very good or very bad sign.

"What's happening?" He muttered finally, feeling like he was about to explode.

"Don't panic." Daemon answered him, licking his lower lip quickly.

Everyone jumped in their seats as the door to the chamber opened suddenly – his mother stepped inside, and they all stood up, pale and terrified.

The Queen smiled.

"You have a son."

"And her?"

"She is well. You can see her."

He rushed out of the chamber, panting heavily, and opened the door to the quarters where his wife lay. He only breathed a sigh of relief when he saw her face – she was all red and sweaty, her cheeks swollen from tears of exertion and emotion, strands of her beautiful dark hair stuck to her face.

She smiled at the sight of him in a way from which he felt like crying, only after a moment noticing the small creature wrapped in a white cloth writhing in her embrace.

He walked closer to them, feeling himself quivering all over, sitting down on the bed beside her, looking in disbelief at his inheritance, their shared effort, their shared hope.

"He has your beautiful hair. Your mother is pleased." She said, exhausted and amused. He embraced her and pressed her to his chest, kissing her fragrant hair with tenderness again and again, not knowing how else he would show her what he felt.

The fact that they had a son pleased him, but the real relief for him was that she had endured the labour so well.

He swallowed loudly and only then did he look more carefully at his son, touching his fingertips to his hand, which had clenched into a fist on his finger.

"– see? – he recognises his father –" She murmured softly, rocking the white-haired infant before placing a soft, warm kiss on its small forehead. Their son squirmed and yawned, opening his eyelids for a moment.

He felt hot at the thought that his son had her eyes.

"– what shall we name him? –" His wife asked, snapping him out of his reverie, laying her head on his shoulder. He mused for a moment, stroking her neck.

"– Viserys – as the man who betrothed us –"

[sillybruja]

**TW!!** ab*se, s*xual ab*se, stalking

yeah 12H & 8H synastry is hard in any relationship but have you ever had 8H or 12H synastry with your own parents??? Okay so let's talk about it.

My Dad & I having 12H synastry

My dad's venus, NN, Saturn, & Chiron are in my 12H. None of my plants touch his 12H. In my experience, this has pretty much made so much sense of the weird relationship i had with my dad. First off, a lot of my planets fall into his 11H so we at some point did have more of a friendship. It felt hard connecting to him like a father tbh. But back to 12H. I always felt like my dad saw me as someone I just was not, or he saw me through the perception of other people. For instance, if I did something he perceived as negative or didn't like, I was "just like my mother". I think in his mind, I literally was just like her (I was def not) and because he viewed me this way I feel he sometimes treated me like I actually was her. The relationship with my dad is not good at all (that can be suggested by my cap uranus/neptune 10H & 12H saturn natal placements) but to me, it always felt like it was not good because my dad was determined to see me in a negative light. It was like he either saw me as an enemy, or had to make me an enemy for whatever reason. I'll be honest, my dad has ab*sed me in many ways throughout my life, and in the worst ways too... all in secret. There were so many secrets about him, and things to this day are still being revealed. I used to compare my dad to an onion -- each peeled layer revealing new "lore" about him. He was involved in dark stuff, and has an interest in the occult. I will leave it at that. Anyways I am sure this can manifest positively but for me, this synastry brought a lot of pain, manipulation, ab*se, power pay dynamics, s*xual ab*se, isolation, HEAVY surveillance (he'd read my diaries, go through my drawers, decide what I could wear out). We are no longer in contact as I am healing and recalling my childhood, and I have no plans rekindling that relationship. We have not formally spoken in almost 2 years, but he often makes fake accounts on social media to reach out to me, "confess" what he's done, apologize, and beg for my attention. The last he has done this was February this year, so stalking can be an issue too. But, even though I am in no contact, my dad haunted me for a while. He was like the devil on my shoulder, the monster under my bed, the sleep demon in my subconscious... 12H synastry with your parents can be very precious and sweet, but it could also manifest as your parents literally being your worst nightmare. He was mine.

My Mom & I having 8H Synastry:

My mom's moon & Neptune are in my 8H, and I have no planets making contact with her 8H. Our relationship is... complicated. What I can say is, she is just as abusive as my father, and has a sick mind. Or at least, there's something wrong with the way she thinks about people -- I sort of feel like she sees people as objects, or as a means of getting things (I think she's narcissistic). But when it comes to me... i feel like our relationship has always been emotionally distant, and transactional. My mom started making money and gaining attention off of me when I was a toddler. She used to dress me up and make me take "photoshoots" which I have lots of questions about. She claims she sold them to magazines. Or, as I got older, she would push me into doing contests that involved being in the public, or "preforming" -- all for some sort of gain. If I was not doing that, she put me in surveys to earn extra money to give to her. My mother is very greedy, very private, very malicious on an internal front. Her moon in my 8H really makes sense to me because I have never really felt like my mother was honest about how she felt about me, or she concealed her true feelings for me very well. To her core, I think she sees me as competition which is weird. But that's exactly how most of my life has been with her -- if I got an ounce of attention for something I did, she would do something to garner more attention for herself -- good and bad. Hidden motives, and dark feelings were prevalent with her. I am not exaggerating but there have been times (even still) where I question if it's not that she doesn't like me....but she actually hates me? The lines are blurred because she has hurt me in ways I imagine one would if they hated someone, let alone their daughter. Her Neptune in my 8H reminds me of how hard I tried to see the good in her, probably for too long, and up to a delusional point. I idealized her when the reality was that she was not just a neglectful, but abusive mother as well. She created a lot of illusions in me about different people in my life, and really caused me lots of mental distress at a young age. I definitely had to pull away from her all together to fully understand how this relationship affected me on a psychological level. SOOOO yeah. Of course this is just MY experience having these aspects with my parents and of course there's other aspects that can make this situation look different for everyone. Do you have any 8H/12H synastry with your parents? what does that look like for you?

[canisalbus]

Hello! I hope I won't sour your mood with this ask but I have been thinking a lot about your gay dogs this month especially.

I'll just try to keep the context short but in general I'm someone that has accepted being romantically undesireable. It was hard but in the end I have built my life just around me, my humble family and at this point in time I don't even think I have the time for a partner. And considering that it's the love month and a lot of people are preparing to celebrate it with their SOs I assumed that, actually, this is a thing that I sort of have in common with Machete.

From the miscellaneous lore on your profile I see Machete as someone that also has kind of rejected love. That also has built his life around his job, possibly hobbies, his family or mentors (depending if we're talking about canon or modern au). Who kind of forgot that relationships are a thing and that people bond with others in that way. Well, at least he did until meeting Vasco.

I just love thinking about their awkward beginnings. Machete being 100% sure that Vasco is just joking, maybe even sometimes teasing him (in a friendly banter type way) or just explaining to himself that all that kindness and interest is just him being a very considerate friend. And then we have Vasco that just tries to be subtle, as if he was trying to pass a fawn without it noticing and running away, but also with time gains confidence and tries more risque moves. Vasco being all smug and Machete being flustered when their hands or shoulders or tails brush in passing. And then when both are sure of their feelings we have Machete who has to choose between God and his love. Who, at first, unwillingly accepts that divine wrath will be worth their brief love.

I just love your boys. I swear they are all the love supply one might possibly need

Thank you for such a long and thoughtful message! I don't know why you thought you might accidentally sour my mood, I'm utterly delighted whenever I hear that someone has been pondering my little guys (rotating them in their head, as they say), and when they go through the trouble of sharing their findings and conclusions I'm so happy I could crawl up a wall.

I think you deciphered Machete's inner workings very well, especially those of the original canon version. The concept of love is of course prominent in Christianity, so even as a kid being raised in a religious environment that discouraged overt displays of affection and close personal bonds, Machete wasn't completely alienated from it. But it has always been a nebulous, unperceivable and unattainable thing for him. When he was old enough to lock down his career choice he readily accepted he'd never have romantic relationships, spouse or a family, and I think he must've been too young and socially inexperienced to think of it as a significant loss. Either he consciously blocked out the need for companionship by studying and working like his life depended on it, or he didn't really consider that being genuinely befriended, appreciated and loved as a person instead of a respectable and competent authority figure was even an option for him, at least not until Vasco came along.

[wildstar25]

What physical part(s) of Arsay does her partners find the most attractive! Is it the same for all partners or does it differ between them?

(also optional bonus ask of what part(s) of/about Arsay generally do they love the most, physical or not!)

Meanwhile, if you were to ask the same of Arsay:

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

For fannfic writer asks:

Do you ever read your own writing for fun?

If you could erase any three tropes from existence, what would they be?

Hello! And thank you for the questions :)

Do you ever read your own writing for fun?

YES. Absolutely 100% yes! I write for myself and my own enjoyment first and foremost; I know what I like and how I like it, so it only makes sense that I enjoy reading my works, haha! It's a lot of fun!

If you could erase any three tropes from existence, what would they be?

This is a hard one to answer, because I'm a strong believer in the fact that there's no capital sins in writing -- as long as the writer knows what they're doing, anything and everything can become the foundation for a wonderful, poignant story.

That being said... there are some common tropes (particularly in romances) I'm not too fond of. Love triangles are one of those (they mostly seem childish to me, honestly), and I also don't really enjoy love at first sight (attraction yes, interest yes, but love? at first sight? definitely not my thing!). Contrary to popular taste, I'm not a big fan of enemies-to-lovers, unless there's an extensive 'friends' phase in between. So yeah, if I had to pick: love triangles, love at first sight, enemies-to-lovers. :)

Thanks again for the questions, these were a lot of fun to answer!

[simptasia]

so yesterday, a friend of mine died. her name was kiwi. she was 27. i’d known her since 2018. she was smart, funny, talented and utterly sweet

goodbye kiwi

[akkivee]

ichikuu haul 🤭

[seilon]

text them shit about ur ex then, ruin his rep right back

just talked to one of my friends on the phone for a while and dw they already know everything I have to say more or less about him it’s just. I can’t force them to cut contact with him or anything especially without sounding like exactly what he makes me out to be (manipulative, controlling, whatever) so. as much as my friend has reassured me in a lot of ways I’m still sort of stuck at an impasse when it comes to Him

[thedreadvampy]

Ok your mission, should you choose to accept it, watch A League Of Their Own and reassemble at 0800 hours to join me in a collective cry about meaningful representation for the history of lesbian community and friendship. god it's so GOOD is everything I WANT from queer storytelling also I recognise that Clance is straight but she is my wife I love her too much 🥰

[pepprs]

ykw that was exactly the thing i was vaguing about earlier this morning btw (sorry). since saturday night the whole topic of [pausing here to transform into a hideous beast because of the word my phone was trying to suggest i put after ‘topic of.’ like could this get any more meta and/or disturbing] anyways the whole topic of.. me and how i am or am not situated like.. r*mantically. it’s been multiple times every day since saturday night that it’s come up in posts i see in irl convos in photo memory reminders in shows my family is watching etc. ajd im not like mad at anyone/thing for posting / talking about it it’s just i feel like exploding a little bit between me myself and i that’s all

[that-was-anticlimactic]

mutuals my beloved,,,

[exoexid]

the suyeol lore is so crazy

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[momochiiee-reblogs]

Today I dreamt of somehow meeting at a personal level someone that exists irl and my brain seems that found funny to make it a vivid dream and also to have them interested in me and kiss me...

I'm not as much repulsed as I am concerned about the dream. Like I know I just know the online persona of this person, I'm not friends with nor I feel any bond towards them

Usually any stranger in the same place would make this dream become a nightmare, but even though it was unsettling, I don't feel like it was a nightmare either

I'm still pretty much not prepared to have any relationships, but the fact my brain though it a good idea to represent my reservations about having a partner by giving the subject the face of someone that I usually follow online and who's online behaviour feels comforting, is very unsettling

It's like "haha, look, not even someone who's opinions and values seem to be very aligned with yours would make you feel safe in a relationship anymore"

I really hate how past events have become a thorn so big and burried so deep in my heart that I can't feel safe opening it to anyone else no matter what... It feels unfair...

I can have friends, but anything else outside friendship sends my whole body and brain into distress mode and it's honestly a terrible feeling of wanting to experience something I'm basically terrified of