#very pun much lame so wow

[merakiui]

Wow! The way you write his jealously is spot-on, Mera! 🤯❤ i can see Floyd, after that incident, doodling crudely drawings of him, reader and the future baby (or babies. He likes the idea of making them with you, many times) he'll have with you, all living together as a one happy family.

Something to appease his jealously while he waits for his next visit with you or his freedom, he fills his wall with these drawings, looking dreamily at the one he's drawing right now.

Maybe baby shrimp will have your eyes? He loves your eyes (and the idea of keeping them in a jar, only looking at him). Oh! He'll love it if they're born with his teeth, having sharp teeth is very useful to bite through many (human) meats!!

Floyd laughs loudly in his cell. For the first time ever since he got in the death row, he can't wait for his family to free him. Well, they gotta if they want to meet the future Leech family members!

(Just Floyd having sick fantasies, and probably even sicker pregnancy fantasies 😳)

Omg yes!! Floyd is always doodling in his cell, humming to himself as he scribbles on the walls and floor with chalk. He writes out potential names, crossing some out when he thinks you might not like them, always adding new names when they come to mind. He adores the idea of having many children with you. Floyd has definitely told you during one of your interviews how he'd knock you up and in what positions. He likes watching you squirm; it's cute. But what he likes even more is fantasizing about a life with you, with a house full of happy, little shrimpys.

He wants the baby shrimpys to have a mix of his and your best features! Your pretty smile, your lovely eyes, your nose, your face... He could dote on these imaginary children forever, and he certainly does when he's adding new doodles to his cell walls. There is one particular drawing he's made. It's of you and it labels all of your parts as if you're an anatomy example in a biology textbook. He can point out various parts on this crude drawing and ramble about which would be the easiest to sever, to gouge, to stab, to eviscerate. He can list the messiest murder schemes, the cleanest schemes, the schemes that leave a human body so disfigured they almost don't look human anymore.

He has a lot of sick, twisted fantasies. He's thought about fucking you against the interview table so roughly that all the recording device picks up are your sobs and moans. He's thought about choking you with the chain of the handcuffs, yanking your head up to his mouth so he can lick and bite at your neck. He thinks about how hard he could bite down so that you're bleeding nonstop. He's thought about, if he were still free and he'd found you, he'd fuck you with a knife held to your throat or a gun against your temple just to feel you tighten around his cock.

And then there are the pregnancy fantasies, the ones where you're his housewife shrimpy and you're always waiting for him to come home. He'd give you so many massages and he'd help milk you every night. He'd let you ride him until you're crying from overstimulation, and he'd fuck you while you're on your hands and knees, cradling your baby bump and whispering the sweetest promises to you. He used to be an apprentice chef, so you know he can cook some killer (pun intended) meals. Sometimes he dreams of breaking out of prison to find you and make your husband watch as he fucks you so good, much better than your lame husband ever could. He's thought about letting Jade fuck you just so that you can get pregnant and have babies that look like him while he waits for the day when he can escape.

Floyd hates not being able to touch you. He just wants to give you one hug. Just one! He won't hurt you. He likes you. But everyone's trying to get between him and his shrimpy and it's really bothersome. But it will all be worth it in the end once he's finally out and he can come to retrieve his shrimpy.

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: Turbo

Ya'll ever watch a movie that leaves such a little impression on you that you're almost certain it'll dump itself out of your brain within hours of watching it? Because good god, if Turbo ain't one of those movies.

It is... so fucking boring. So fucking forgettable, such a nothing movie on all accounts. The characters are one-note, the story is bland, even the animation isn't anything impressive to look at. But don't just take my word for it. Let's get into this... whatever the fuck it is I just watched.

Theo is a garden snail who's bored with his mundane life (wow, how many times have we seen that one in a Dreamworks movie before) and is constantly at ends with his brother Chet. One day. a freak accident involving nitrous oxide imbues Theo, who renames himself Turbo, with super speed. After being captured by and befriending Tito, a taco truck driver with brother issues of his own, Turbo is on his way to achieving his longtime dream of racing and winning the Indy 5,000 race.

So yeah, the plot is kinda dumb. I mean its obviously very silly and out there, its a kids movie, blatantly to its core. One that constantly feels like its ripping off both Cars and Ratatouille somehow??? Like seriously, there isn't really an original bone in this movie's body. I mentioned before the characters here are all very one note at best, stereotypes at worst (especially with some of the human characters). Turbo is just a bland protagonist with not a lot to him to really make us care about him or root for him. Chet is a wet blanket for most of the movie, and even the point where he comes around feels forced and rushed. The other snails are just as boring as the human characters are, meant to just spew out whitty lines and catch phrases to try and make them seem "hip with the kids" when they are so clearly not. There's also a villain? I guess? I don't remember enough about him to say anything significant so there's that.

The humor in this is just... trying too damn hard. Lots of physical humor yes, but also a good deal of bad puns and lame one-liners. Another thing that absolutely took me out of this movie so fucking fast were the product placements. Like yes, I understand that brands sponsor cars at a race like the Indy 5000 but jesus fucking christ the amount of times I had to look at the Verizon logo in this stupid ass movie made my skin literally crawl.

The animation is just... whatever. Nothing too impressive here, the character designs are typical Dreamworks doing the bare minimum to get by. Same with the music, boring pop songs set against a boring score. The least this movie could have done if it was gonna force me to sit through a shitty script and boring story was look decent, but it doesn't even manage to do that right.

So yeah, Turbo is just about as bad as I was expecting it to be. I mean, it barely passes above the likes of insultingly bad movies like Antz and Shark Tale, because at least this one didn't make me want to gouge my eyes and ears out. But that's not saying much.

Overall Rating: 3/10

Verdict: Salt every last one of these damn snails

Previous Review (The Croods)

Next Review (Mr. Peabody and Sherman)

[disorganizedkitten]

Moving Places

Miraculous Ladybug | 2019 | 2,838 | Ao3 | @chimpukampu and @ZiriO

Adrien Agreste and Marinette Agreste, parents of 3, are finally moving to a bigger home. That forces them to reckon with a heap of stuff that's been collecting and gathering dust over the years. Things get a little... funny and fluffy.

“Adrien, We’ve been through this a thousand times. We need to trim things down this once. We’re not taking everything!”

Yes, that’s how moving homes usually happens, but it’s always a reason for a little bit of bickering, but some endearing moments included too. Adrien and Marinette Agreste, parents for 3, have been waiting for this for a long while now, and yet…

Their kwamis hovered about with amused looks, Plagg more so than Tikki, wondering what might get unearthed.

The boxes rattled as Adrien moved them about. A slight puff of dust bloomed from one as it was opened, giving the air a very mild acrid smell.

“I think we haven’t opened these up since the last time we moved, if not the time before! Isn’t that a hint, Adrien?”

“Mari, we are not touching my Ladybug collection! Look, it’s a collector’s edition!”

Adrien brushed off some of the dust and pressed the button on the doll.

“Time to de-evilize!” a high-pitched voice emanated from it as Adrien smiled. “See? It still works!”

“Wow, that’s amazing. Can I try too?” Marinette snickered. “Time to de-evilize!” She called in a theatrical fashion. “So, who did it better?”

Adrien’s smile widened into a full-fledged grin.

“Hey, I never said I didn’t have the single-issue real thing in my collection” he cooed.

“Oh do you now?”

“I could show you but then we’d never get any packing done.” He jested and then his face went a bit more serious. This turned their attention to the heap of stuff still waiting for them to sort through.

“Fine.” She grumbled at the missed opportunity. “But the monopoly box goes. That one was a mistake.”

They looked at a miraculous-themed monopoly board. A cheapskate producer named Zag somehow convinced them this was a good idea. By the time he started to leak pictures to the press, it was hard for them to stop it. It was a good thing that Chloe found them a legal loophole and used her family’s clout to threaten him to a halt. But they did have the box to remember that one.

“How on earth did he convince us to do such a silly thing?”

“The guy had charm and a good deal of luck.”

“Mari, do you think it’s the power of-”

“Adrien Agreste, don’t you dare!”

“You practically walked into that one, milady… “

“If only I could toss away all your puns at that.” She sighed.

“Actually, you sort of did last time, don’t you remember?”

“Please don’t remind me. I was horrified. A notebook full of lame puns!”

“You can’t get them out of my head though.”

“If your lips are busy they can’t throw puns around, you know.” she winked and he smiled back at her.

We are never going to get any packing done like that…

---

A quick kiss later, they were back to sorting stuff.

“What’s that? Is that Emma’s first pacifier?” She said as she examined one.

“Oh yeah. I keep hoping we can still use it. That girl won’t shut up!” He jested.

“Out it goes! Our girl is all grown up now, maybe it’s time someone else would grow up too!”

“Hey, it’s always good to have a reminder of us growing up. After all, we have 3 kids and you still don’t look a day over 3000.”

“Now you know why I’m so much wiser than you.” She retorted. “Now let’s get back to packing, you… adorable goober of a flirt, you.”

She gave him another quick kiss. He earned that one too. They both looked at the next item.

“A solitaire thinking challenge? Aren’t our kids too old for that?”

“Well, there was a time when you couldn't think straight around me. And you were adorable.”

“Adrien Agreste, If I had known this was going to haunt me all through our marriage… I’d do it all again.” She chuckled. “Anyway, what the hell is this?”

They both looked at a box full of a random assortment of seemingly useless stuff.

“I’m… saving this for Emma? Kidding, I have no idea what’s exactly in it. There’s only one way to find out.”

They cautiously opened the box, looking at a mix of extremely oddball items, scratching their heads at each one trying to figure out what’s it doing there.

“A gecko-shaped pendant? What’s that doing here?”

“Emma made one on art class.”

“And we’re keeping this… why?” She gave him a stare over it.

“It’s… uhh… we can play pretend it’s a real miraculous?” He suggested half-jokingly, only to be met with Marinette’s stern look as she discarded it into the trash.

“She made A ladybug themed brooch?”

“She’s a big fan, you know…”

“I can understand that, but why are we keeping it?”

“Uhh…”

Marinette threw that one into the box marked “for cataclysm”.

“A lego toy welding machine? Who had this stupid idea?”

“It’s Max… and he’s smart so maybe it was a smar-okay it really was a stupid idea, she never even opened it. Too bad Alix never stopped him!”

“That can go to the donations pile. Next!”

“What’s a map of Jerusalem doing here?”

“Geography class, I guess?”

“But how’s that a souvenir when we’ve never even been there?”

Marinette crumpled the thing into a ball and threw it to the trash.

“An ad for a Louvre exhibition from 2015? So useless.”

“We could sell it on eBay...”

Marinette rolled her eyes.

“God, sometimes the things you say actually make me prefer a pun. And that’s a major achievement, Mr. Agreste!”

She sighed as she went on.

“An aimee mann CD? Do we even have anything that can play these things?”

“No, we don’t…”

“Donations pile. Next?”

“A defunct Wacom pad… you said you were going to get it fixed like what, 2 years ago?”

“I still plan on… okay you can throw this.”

Marinette had fond memories of that one, she used it to do quite a bit of sketching, and yet even she couldn’t but admit that no, she wasn’t going to get that one fixed. She then moved on to the next item.

“Okay… what the hell is this?”

They both examined a pink rod with a heart-shaped fake gem on top.

“Oh, I brought this back from Japan to Emma. I think it appeared in some anime or something.”

“I am letting you bring too much trash in, and that’s the result… sometimes I am just way too nice with you.”

“It’s my kitten face, bugaboo. It’s irresistible. Besides, she actually used that one on Halloween!”

A stern look and Adrien threw the thing into the Cataclysm box. Marinette then examined the next item.

“A dream catcher? Oh yes, I remember now. You bought this for me after I told you what was my nightmare in ‘sandboy’!”

“Oh, what fond memories that one brings…”

Adrien had a sly smile on his face as he started to play-act his part.

“Marinette… the prettiest and the smartest one of all is Chloe…”

“Now there's the holder I know,” Plagg snarked. “So good to have you back.”

“My god… what a mistake that was…” Marinette gently touched her palm to her forehead at her husband’s act as she came up with the retort.

“Do I have to remind you I can play-act your nightmare too?”

That did the trick, snapping him back.

“Please don’t do that… You’re the lady of my dreams, bugaboo! I even have a ring to prove it now.”

“Adrien, flattery is going to get you… actually, going to get you good things. Keep up at that.”

They exchanged yet another quick kiss.

Adrien eyed another box, around the size of an A4 page. As he reached out to grab it, he heard his wife squeak a ‘No’ at him.

“What, Mari, what’s in that one?”

She turned slightly pink, reminding him for a moment of that blushing teenager from Francois Dupont college that he ended up marrying.

“Uhhh… umm…”

He carefully opened it. The first page had a drawing of Marinette wearing a grey superhero costume with a pink skip-rope and pink hair ribbon, with the caption “Mousinette”.

“Ha, so you drew yourself as the Mouse superheroine! That’s…”

She lost her blush by now. She wasn’t a teenager anymore, after all.

“Yes, that’s… ?” She urged him to complete his sentence.

“That would have been real hot, sweetie. I’d pay to see you dressed up in Halloween like that!”

“In that case…” She said as she put her finger thoughtfully at her chin, “... a dinner out for two, as your payment?”

“You know I would have done it anyway after we finish packing, right?”

“I know you well enough by now, dear husband.” She smiled and booped his nose affectionately.

“Well, I should certainly hope so.” He grinned, thumbing the edges of the pages. “So….how much of this sketchbook did you fill, again?”

“I usually fill all the pages, why?” Her eyes narrowed, regret and the sudden thought that maybe she needed more than a dinner out as payment starting to creep over her.

“Mind if I keep looking?”

“Adrien, we are never going to get done at this rate!”

“Yes, but how often do I get to look through your old art?” The kitten eyes made a swift comeback, leaving Marinette groaning in disgust.

“Fine, but you get five minutes!” Which was enough to sate his curiosity, or at least she hoped.

“So why did I never see this cute bee costume on you? Or this amazing Ladybug-themed dress?” He pouted, though that was nothing compared to the look on his face when he came across a sketch of her as Chat Noir, with a massive ribbon for the tail.

“No. Don’t even ask, I won’t make it. That ribbon is a joke, and the peplum look went out of style years ago!”

“Marinette!” He was sulking now, pouting as he lifted the sketch.

“Absolutely not, besides, there’s no way I could put the pawprints on the gloves and shoes, it’d look ridiculous at my age!” He still sulked, but she shook her head anyway. Somebody had to put their foot down, or they’d never get anywhere.

Which, yeah that was normal. Downsizing to move always took forever. How did they even end up with this much stuff?

“You looked at my art, now we need to go through one of your boxes.” Marinette decreed, grabbing a box with the label ‘Adrien’. She unfolded the flaps and sighed. “We can’t get rid of these, pass me the next one.”

“What are they?” Adrien set down the sketchbook, a drawing of a Tiger holder displayed, to peek over her shoulder. “We were supposed to put those on the mantel ages ago, weren’t we?”

“I think so.” Marinette pulled a fencing trophy out of the box, turning it over in her hands. “I completely forgot we had these.”

“Think we’ll be able to put them up at the new house?”

“If there’s not space, maybe we can add in a few shelves? Emma’s going to start competing with Akari soon, if they continue at this rate.”

“Purr-fect idea, as always, M’lady.” Adrien draped himself over her shoulder batting his eyelashes at her.

“Okay, where’s the tape? I should relabel this one so we don’t forget again.”

Adrien pulled himself off her, scooping the masking tape and marker up and depositing them in her lap. “While you do that, I’m going to go through this one.” Adrien moved a few feet away, dragging the box back with him. “Are assignments important enough to be kept again?”

“Which assignments?”

“Cat breeds.”

Marinette groaned. “That wasn’t an assignment, Adrien, that was from you trying to bribe Chloe into getting Hugo a cat for Christmas.”

“Oh yeah. Can we keep it?”

Marinette shot him her most deadpan look. Adrien replied with puppy-dog eyes. Marinette sighed. “Fine. Toss it into the maybe pile.”

“Yes!”

“Moving on, have you found the box with the photo albums yet?”

“Not yet, I’ll get to them. When we have a break.”

“Why?”

“Chloe and Emma baby pictures.”

Marinette stifled a laugh. “Yeah, okay.” She glanced back into her current box. “I found Emma’s old EAH dolls, do you think she’ll still want them?”

“No idea.”

“Into the maybe pile, we can check with her later.”

“Good idea.”

Silence for a moment, and then Adrien snorted.

“What did you find?”

Adrien leaned back to look at Marinette, smirking. “Remember your crush?”

Marinette pouted. “You already teased me about that today. Is it still not old?”

“Not when all the memorabilia right here.”

“Not when the- Oh!” Marinette shrieked, scrambling over to him. “You found them! Finally! I seriously thought Master Fu had taken them.” She smiled brightly.

“Why would Master Fu take them?”

Marinette blushed scarlet. “Alya didn’t tell you. Of course not. Okay. Um, actually. Oh dear it’s kind of embarrassing. Why is it embarrassing? It wasn’t when I told Alya and Master Fu. Maybe it’s because it’s you. Oh boy. Okay so-” Marinette’s rambling died off in a whine as she buried her face in her hands. “It’s only embarrassing because it’s you. It was actually really smart at the time. Uh, move the top hundred or so.”

Adrien blinked at her reply, before turning back to the box. “What did you do?” he asked slowly, gathering up photos and slowly moving them out stack by stack. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Marinette peeked over her fingers. “No one ever looked under that stuff, so it was the safest place to hide my research.”

“You never fail to amaze me,” Adrien snorted. “Using your crush to protect your identity? Constant multitasking at its’ best.”

“It was multistorage actually.” she tapped her head. “One track mind.”

They carefully dug through the box a little more, pages upon pages of translations and coded information sitting at the bottom, with cardboard dividers in between the layers. They pulled another set off, and Marinette promptly collapsed backwards, laughing.

“Are these the Kwami-sitting dolls?” Adrien asked, pulling the Pollen and Plagg ones out of the box.

“Those are the Kwami-sitting dolls,” Marinette confirmed, wheezing.

Marinette’s foot snagged something pointy, and when she stepped back to inspect the object, she grimaced “Adrien Chat Noir Agreste, bring your ass in here!”

“What is it M’ - whoa!” he stopped momentarily while schooling a dumbfounded look “What is that doing here?”

“You tell me,” she snarled as she spread out a big tarp of an old Gabriel perfume ad.

“Well, you said that you love fashion, and you want to update your ‘mini’” he made an air quote there “Adrien shrine -”

“Adrien!”

“Radiant,” the blond uttered dramatically as he reenacted his commercial ad “Carefree...Dreamy…”

Before he could finish the line, his wife hurled the incriminating poster and hit him squarely to the face.

‘ Why did I marry that man-child? ’ Marinette muttered to herself as she returned to her work, trying not to mind her crying husband, then paused when she saw another familiar banner.

“Why is this thing still here?”

“I swear to Plagg this is the only tarp that I saved... Oh. Oh, that .”

It was an old banner with a logo of a fencing team and quote in bold letters ‘ Excel and Power Pointe ’

“I thought Louis threw this?”

“He thought he threw it,” he smirked toothily as he walked towards his wife and snatched it from her hands “He didn’t know that his Papa saved it.”

Marinette gave him a beady look “You know that Louis will throw that again, right?”

“Not if we keep it.” Adrien retorted cheekily.

She rolled her eyes indignantly “C’mon, Kitty. This is just a dumb cheering banner you made for Louis’ fencing tournament, and he really hates it so much he had to knock his opponents in a short record time because he didn’t want to see that banner waving on his sight!”

“That’s more the reason why we have to keep it!”

“You’re just keeping this because of the pun!”

“That’s because it’s a good pun!”

“No, it’s not!”

“Will you two just stop this marital fight?” Plagg hovered above their faces, scowling “You’re both adults, for Kwami’s sake, not a toddler!”

“What Plagg was saying,” Tikki added with a smile “That you two were shouting so loud the neighbors heard your bickerings.”

The couple blushed furiously and apologetically resumed to their task.

Soon they had finished with the last box, and after repacking it - There was nothing in there they would have actually gotten rid of, they went through it for memories and to kill time - went back to work on the other boxes. Thankfully there weren’t that many that had been abandoned for the four years since they last moved.

They Lapsed into silence for a little bit, each finding their own boxes of miscellaneous things to go through. Occasional laughs, or questions, broke the silence, but for the most part it was just that. Silence as they prepared for a huge change that was to come.

[dreamkidddream]

Can I request a teen mc who is like YUJI from jujutsu kaisen as in they are the vessel of SUKUNA PLSS? Like maybe they can manifest SUKUNA in his curse form as another being as well like megumis dogs? (If you don’t know JJK can you just do a chaotic teen mc? ❤️)

WHEW THIS ALMOST DID NOT GET POSTED SINCE TUMBLR DELETED PARTS OF IT.

So let me tell you: I started reading the manga but have yet to watch the anime 😭 it’s really good though and I’m probably gonna start it this week, but I’m not sure if I’m 100% confident in writing Sukuna. BUT this request was too good to pass up, so if you don’t like it I will write the other scenario instead just let me know!

So for these headcanons, I made it to where MC is Sukuna’s vessel like Yuji, and that they can manifest him if needed. But, I still kept it to where he’s not exactly a good guy with MC’s best interest at heart. Reader is gender neutral and younger than the Bros, so the dynamic is more family instead of romance just a heads up! Hope you enjoy!

TW: Minor cursing, spoilers for Lesson 16 in Mammon’s, Beel’s, and Belphie’s part

The Brothers with Teen MC who’s Sukuna’s Vessel

Lucifer

Was very irritated with this revelation, but still curious

Still annoyed either way though

He already had to make sure that you stayed alive during your stay and not disappoint Diavolo, but now he had to make sure that you kept this curse at bay too!

#GiveLuciferABreak2021

He’s very skeptical of you: not only because of you being a young human but also being a human with essentially a demon inside of you

A very troublesome demon if not kept under control at all times

Honestly Sukuna was like an buzzing gnat who wouldn’t just go away, so Lucifer didn’t see him as a threat personally. More of a nuisance that could grow into a threat if remained unchecked

After you explained the whole situation, he still assigned Mammon to you, but he made sure to personally keep an eye on you too

Your presence was seen as a threat at first, but as time passed, he, along with his brothers knew you meant no harm, but the same couldn’t be said for this Sukuna

He wanted to have faith in you, but he couldn’t bring himself to fully believe it. After an incident at RAD with another demon attempting to attack you, your powers (or rather Sukuna’s) came out to play

He saw the markings, the extra eyes, the malice spread on your face, and he then realized just how serious this has become. You were able to gain control back, but the damage was already done. You were so distraught, sobbing before you, trying to apologize and swearing that you didn’t mean for this to happen, all the while Sukuna was laughing, morphing a mouth on your cheek

It was so bizarre to see, and he couldn’t help but feel a pang of pity for you. You were such a kind person, always going out of the way to spend time and help wherever you could. You essentially became a part of the family, but he knew that you didn’t feel accepted because of him

After that, your “punishment” was to practice holding control over Sukuna with Lucifer, every day after school (which can just be seen as him checking in on you on a daily basis, and trying out different techniques to make sure repeats of this incident doesn’t happen again). Meaning that you trained on manifesting him at will, instead of him completely taking over

Not gonna lie he’s acting like a proud dad when he sees you making progress and Sukuna just sitting in your head tired of all this positivity lol

Lucifer cares for you, he’s accepted you fully even if you hadn’t for yourself. He wants to protect all of his family (including you), and he doesn’t want to think about what could happen if Sukuna becomes a danger to the Devildom or Diavolo...

Mammon

Is impressed but also low key nervous

Humans are not suppose to be like this, ya know!

He’s not the smartest demon in Hell, but he definitely knows that you can’t summon demons without a pact, and he knows your baby face doesn’t have one with the King of Curses

You had to break down the whole deal, and it made him even more confused and distressed

Was still acting annoyed being your designated babysitter, I mean seriously, just how annoying can you be?!

Just kidding! You guys are totally partners in crime in no time and you both make Lucifer get 2x the wrinkles now

“MC, let the Great Mammon show you how’s it done!”

“Mammon, you’re going to be the reason why we’ll be strung up again for the third time this week.”

“It’s going to be both of your idiots’ faults. Such a pathetic display.”

SHIT HE FORGOT YOU GOT A WHOLE CURSE INSIDE YOU

He HATES whenever Sukuna makes an appearance, whether you call on him or he makes his own special appearance. He’s like a gritty and more sadistic version of Lucifer, minus the style and uptight personality (and honestly the finesse too), which made him 10x the more aggravating

He honestly hates Sukuna in general. Here you are, his MC, one of the only people to stand up and defend him always, struggling to live a normal life because of him. It was bad enough that you got sent down here with no warning, but now you got sent with him, and from what Mammon could hear with the conversations between you two, he wasn’t exactly your BFF

Denies being excited about seeing you perform your cursed techniques, but only because it brings him out (and he guesses it’s a little cool that you know how to do it). But human, you don’t need that lame curse, you got the great demon himself to protect you!

On a darker note, you made Mammon swear to you that if Sukuna took over and you for some reason couldn’t gain back control, that he would protect himself and his brothers first before worrying about you. He hated this even coming up, you should be worrying about what’s the next scheme you guys could pull off, not some weird sharpie colored entity causing problems. But you were dead serious, and you made him promise that if the worst case scenario ever happened, he would make sure it’s taken care of

Mammon realized you were the missing piece to their family. It felt nice to have someone depend on him, to actually treat him with respect and care for him truly. He refused to accept Sukuna as a part of you (really he just acted like he didn’t exist, which he didn’t in his mind), and he refused to let him or anyone else harm you

You’re family now, and he wasn’t going to lose anyone else ever again

Leviathan

Oh look, another normie

Wow, you’re such a normie that you’re even talking to yourself through a manifested mouth on your palm-wait WHAT

You broke it down to him, and you just...stared at you, with a blank expression on his face. Until-

“OMG THIS IS JUST LIKE THE ANIME-“

How ironic lol

He practically had a fanboy overload moment whenever you showed off your cursed techniques to him after he begged asked you countless times

You guys remember that vine with the kid saying, “I have the power of God and anime on my side”? Recreate that while doing your moves and he’ll be in awe and dying laughing at the same time

Will post it to his Devilgram and DevilTube

His envy will start to show at first. How is it that someone boring like you get to have all these cool powers and have an actual king reside in you?? You’re living the Shonen dream and not even grateful for it!

But this reality for him would soon shatter after he saw Sukuna for himself, and the way that he behaved towards you. The way that the curse would just look at with disdain in his eyes just made Levi’s skin crawl. He was made well aware that you were in fact not living the anime dream he thought you were. The look in your eyes reminded him of how he would feel whenever he felt like a scummy otaku, and from that point forward he would find ways to cheer you up

You can plan on having anime marathons, game nights, even talking with Henry (I hc that he can talk and understand aquatic animals) when you get into these moods. Anything that helps him get out of his funks he’s hoping it helps you too. You don’t deserve this type of treatment from anyone, especially someone that even he can no doubt eliminate

You were honestly one of the coolest people that he knows, and one of the strongest too! Not just physically, but mentally too. He can’t imagine what could be going on in your head since Sukuna became a part of you, but he knows that you’re strong enough to overcome anything that he throws at you. And if you had moments where you faltered or doubted yourself, that’s okay! Levi would be right beside you the whole way, doing anything he can to keep pushing you forward

Be the teen anime hero that he’s know you can be MC! You wouldn’t be his Henry if he didn’t have any faith in you, you know?

Bonus: you don’t have to worry about your anime nights being ruined after one night when Sukuna somehow found a spoiler to an anime that Levi was really anticipating became a very visual warning for the curse. Levi convinced you to let him take over, and whatever was said resonated with him because you never heard a peep after that, both out loud and in your head

Satan

Oh he was BEYOND fascinated

We all know how much Satan loves to read and how smart he is, so while you look at your condition as a curse (no pun intended), he saw it as an opportunity

Could you feel this curse coursing through your body? Did you feel stronger? Could he see through your eyes all the time or only when you let him? He had so many questions it wasn’t even funny

Very understanding of your situation surprisingly (but still called you dumb for eating Sukuna’s finger)

Satan would be one of the only people you could really trust when dealing with Sukuna. Yes, you trusted all of the brothers, but if you were really in a bind you could count on Satan to come up with a solution quickly

The only issue was his anger. Everyone knows just how angry he can get, and to avoid him ASAP if you even think he’s getting frustrated. Sukuna knows this too, and will be more than happy to taunt him to truly bring out his wrath. While he does need you alive (for now), it wouldn’t hurt to have some type of fun around here. Plus, this could cause your bonds with these brothers to weaken, and the weaker the bond, the weaker the will to help you keep him at bay and defeat him

But Satan knew better, and you did your best in keeping Sukuna away. He may be the Avatar of Wrath but that didn’t mean he was stupid. However, he did have one slip up unfortunately

You see, he was just having a bad day and already got into a spat with Lucifer, and you sensed that he certainly needed his space. So while you slowly backtracked to your room and from his path, Sukuna decided to be the evil ass that he is, and proceed to provoke him. What finally made him snap was his comment that, “You would be a formidable opponent if you weren’t in your older brothers’ shadow, but oh well. Can’t help who you come from I see.”

It took Beel, Mammon, and Lucifer to properly restrain him from ripping Sukuna (really you) limb from limb, with him laughing manically and you scrambling back in fear. Which called for a very long, detailed family meeting (of course after Satan fully calmed down) that resulted in mediated meetings between you and him for the next month. You felt guilty, you should have done better containing him, but you couldn’t predict whenever he decided to pop up!

But after a long talk, Satan didn’t blame you. He blamed himself for losing to his anger and especially blamed Sukuna. He decided that it was time to get rid of this pest once and for all. Be ready MC, cause once he puts his mind to something, there’s no stopping him

Prepare for your bonding time to be deep into books and practicing new hexes and curses. But don’t worry, it’s not always boring and Satan makes sure that you’re having some type of fun. He’s really doing this to have some sort of protection for you: whether it’s against Sukuna or himself. He wants you to know something besides your cursed techniques just in case they fail for some reason

Will shockingly want you to manifest the curse, one main reason is to obviously collect information on him, the other reason is to test said hexes and curses on him

Can a curse be cursed? Let’s find out

You helped Satan with him realizing that anger isn’t the only emotion that you can feel, and with you being so young, he wanted you to experience life as much as you can. And while you had an extra...passenger with you, he will do his best to make sure that it doesn’t get in the way of you enjoying life. It was nice to see a joyous smile on your face

Also you guys did find a hex that made Sukuna meow for the whole day and it was the best thing to ever happen with him lmao

Asmodeus

Honestly wasn’t really bothered with it at first. If anything, he treated it like hot gossip when you told him in the beginning

One thing he will say though: humans can be so revolting at times. I mean you ate a rotten finger, a cursed, aged, sharp, disgusting- you get the point. He did cringe at that, but everything else was pretty normal besides that

Still talked about your daily gossip, painted nails, the works. But recently, Sukuna’s name has been coming up more and more in your recent convos. Asmo, being quite the messy curious demon, wanted to know more about this curse

He really treated Sukuna like he was just your show and tell act and would want you to bring it out to see how he really was. He was amused with your cursed techniques, but he wanted to see more!

He heard you both talking with one another, and he wanted to see him in person! He hasn’t done anything and you’re among the seven strongest in Hell, so what could go wrong?

So much. So much could go wrong

And so much went wrong

After you manifested him, it went downhill from there. The large amount of control you did show caught his attention, but then it moved to the King of Curses himself. He was very delighted to see him up close for more than a couple of seconds, and took his time admiring his physique up close. It was fun for him, but not for you. Sukuna could feel your will slipping since your focus was being divided dealing with Asmo, so he took this as his time to shine

You had an exhausting day, and you were tired, which he used to his advantage. Asmo started to complain when Sukuna suddenly disappeared, but didn’t have a chance to voice it as your arm suddenly gripped the front of his shirt. He felt himself jolt, feeling his heart pumping. He looked into your eyes and realized that this wasn’t you, this was now Sukuna. The black markings that lined your face along with the new eye color (and the extra pair of eyes) came with a grin that stretched across your face

“What’s the matter? You were so eager to be in my presence, is it not to your liking now that the tables have turned? You claim to be one of the strongest, yet I would be able to kill you just being in this form-Ah, the brat is trying to come back, what a shame. Do me a favor, little Asmodeus, don’t insult me like this again. I am a King, and you will remember that. I might have to pay you another visit and take your heart with me next time to make sure you’re aware of that.”

He didn’t give Asmo time to answer, as his grip loosened and you were back. He saw you stumbling, shook out of his own thoughts and reached to catch you. He knew that this curse was an issue, but he didn’t understand just how serious this was, how serious it had gotten so quickly. The thought of Sukuna didn’t scare him, but the promise of him coming back just for him caused some worry. He wasn’t the weakest, but he didn’t want to hurt you! As much as he couldn’t stand his new found scorn of Sukuna, it wasn’t enough for him to take the chance of injuring you

You didn’t strike fear in him, rather the opposite. To see someone he has grown to care about be the one to try and bring his demise was...saddening. He could just feel his heart breaking at the notion. And if this experience taught him one thing is to be more understanding of what you’re going through

You remembered bits and pieces of the incident, and whenever you asked Asmo about it, he would divulge a tad in what happened, but wouldn’t go into too much detail. He didn’t want you blaming yourself, and he didn’t want you to distance yourself from him either. You already proven yourself of formindable you are ever since you gotten down here, and Asmo wasn’t going to let some jealous wannabe demon get in the way of that!

So no more talk of the thing, and whenever it did want to make an unsuspecting visit, Asmo would be ready. The thing was immune to most curses, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t be charmed to some extent, right?

Has covered the eye slits up with makeup and other beauty products every morning, becomes both of your favorite bonding activity. Anything to erase any evidence of it existing and to hear your giggles brightens his day everytime!

Beelzebub

Is very sympathetic of your ordeal

Has mad respect for you eating that finger though, even he doesn’t think that he would eat that

Maybe with some sauces and some Hellroast he might

Is another brother that tries to keep an eye on you. If this Sukuna really is as dangerous as you make him out to be, then he would make sure to be prepared if things went south

Beel’s motto: stay ready you ain’t gotta get ready

Will want you to practice your moves with him. Beel’s pretty powerful, and on muscles alone is one of the strongest brothers. He wants to make sure that you can recognize your full potential, and to always do your best. Expect to be in the gym or the HoL’s backyard working out and training majority of the week

Is thoroughly impressed with your cursed techniques

Beel doesn’t understand that while yes, you have a whole curse residing in you, doesn’t make you less of a human. He forgets that you still have some limitations, and you have to remind him at least twice a week. You gotten more powerful yes, but you still weren’t at Beel’s level

“You can do it MC! Don’t give up!”

“Beel this is over 500 pounds...are you forgetting that I’m still HUMAN-”

But you can never stay mad at him, he’s just too sweet and he means well. He genuinely wants you safe and prepared if anything happens with Sukuna, and if getting you buffed up makes him feel somewhat at ease, then you’ll deal with it

Shares his food with you sometimes. He makes sure that you eat properly too, so no skipping out on meals!

Great listener! Whether you’re complaining about class, talking about a new restaurant you’re interested in (he’s definitely tuned in), or venting about Sukuna, he’s all ears. Even gives you advice if you ask for it or if you really need it

Has encountered Sukuna while he took over your body once, and let me tell you, he was not happy at all

Beel is one of the brothers that are in touch with his emotions; he doesn’t really fly off the handle into a rage unless someone has done something to his family or if he’s being denied food. But now that you’re family and vulnerable not only to other demons but to this curse inhabiting your body, he wasn’t taking any chances

He made sure to be very clear when talking with Sukuna. He wouldn’t stand for anything happening to you, and he made sure that the curse would wish he stayed scattered if that boundary was crossed

Beel is a very protective big brother that’s constantly looking out for you all the time. Even if you feel like that you need to bare this burden on your own, he makes sure that you never feel alone.

He already lost Lilith, and he doesn’t want to lose you too. He won’t mess up this time

Belphegor

See, he knew that there was something wrong with humans, and you were living proof of that

How can you trust humans not knowing if they have another creature living within them?!

Whatever, he’s too sleepy to even care about it

And you weren’t one of the worst so...he guesses that you’re tolerable, but don’t push it!

In the beginning, he thought it was easy to manipulate you, but he could just sense that something wasn’t right with you (and no, it wasn’t because you were just human). He would hear you talking aloud to yourself, except that you were...responding to yourself too?

He thought you finally cracked up lmao

He brought it up as a joke once, but the way you reacted was tense and...ashamed? Oh, he just hit a gold mine. This could make things much more interesting. You shared a little bit of your story with this so called “King of Curses”, but he was smart enough to make a plan off of the information. Maybe he could take advantage of Sukuna like he is of you. Kill two birds with one stone

Well his plan backfired swiftly. After he was freed from the attic and went straight in for the kill, things went array. His hands were wrapped around your neck, he could-should see the life leaving your eyes, but instead he was met with Sukuna’s gaze. Belphie thought he planned this right, he made sure that he didn’t give you enough time to manifest him or to use your curse techniques, so how was this-

“You think I don’t recognize the look of bloodlust, you spoiled child? You were foolish enough to believe that you could get rid of me this easily like the brat?!”, and he was sent flying across the room. How was this happening, this wasn’t suppose to happen!-

“As much as I would like to see them die, they’re useful to me for the time being. Once they are of no use anymore, the only one who will be relishing in their demise is me. They’ll be dying by my hand, not by some weakened child.”

Those words still resonated with him still to this day. Honestly, the whole incident did. No matter how many times he tried to convince himself that you forgiven him and want to build a real bond together, his mind refused to erase that horrid memory, and he deserved it. When Belphie remembers back to that day, he remembers the horrified and heart breaking looks on his brothers’ faces, the way that your eyes show how betrayed and petrified, and how you were gasping out begging him to stop, before he comes out and puts everyone in danger

He felt disgusting, guilty, mortified, regretful, a disappointment. Those feelings only escalated after having them explain the truth to him, both about yourself and being a descendent of his dead sister. He could see how much you touched his family, and you extended that kindness to him too, and he just exploited it

He stayed far away from you for a very long time. He didn’t try to approach you at all, only staying in the planetarium or even the attic, to avoid crossing paths with you. He didn’t deserve to make a connection with you like his older brothers, as much as he wanted to. He was remorseful, it wasn’t because of the whole Lilith revelation, but because you really didn’t deserve that happening to you

You made the first move to make amends, to have a fresh start, and he couldn’t have been more grateful, albeit nervous. He was so terrified of messing things up again, but you were there to help keep him grounded. “I won’t lie to say that what you did was okay, but I’m willing to move on from it. You aren’t completely forgiven, but we can work towards fixing things, together.”

Belphie was shaken by Sukuna’s words, but he wasn’t necessarily scared of him. In fact, he would personally find a way to cast him out of your body and destroy him permanently as the perfect apology and thank you gift; the thank you for reuniting him with his family, and for helping them develop healthy relationships with one another. They weren’t as separate as before, and it made him feel so warm every time he thought about it

Not that he would ever say that to anyone

You both spent time together either napping or plotting for future LYS (Lucifer You Suck) pranks. And since Belphie is pretty good with magic himself, he would be teaching you some new spells or curses that you could use to protect yourself, even against the curse inside you

Belphie will make sure to not make another huge mistake when it comes to you ever again. He’ll have his little slip ups, but you were never put into harms way because of them. He doesn’t want to sabatoge this bond, and he wants you to truly be happy spending time with him. He’s not the greatest role model (obviously) and may be tight lipped about how he feels most of the time, but he really does have your best interests at heart

[thesoulspulse]

Regarding the Fright Knight (Part 3)

Maybe it’s just because of all the pictures and gifs but I didn’t expect this analysis to take so long. Oh well, I’m having fun and sharing my thoughts is a good way to keep this stuff in mind. So with that let us continue our deep dive into the “Fright Night” episode, which by the way I have to remember to type that instead of ‘knight‘ since that’s his name.

Hopefully this will be the last part about the episode and then I can move onto the tragic downfall of the Fright Knight. Part 2: https://thesoulspulse.tumblr.com/post/666367942726959104/regarding-the-fright-knight-part-2

25) I guess I should have talked about this in the last post, but it’s cool that the Fright Knight’s sword has the power to transform inanimate object to spontaneously transform into ghosts and other monsters. I have a headcanon that this feat is only possible on Halloween night which is when the Fright Knight is at his most powerful. Also, I’m guessing the creatures are only random if they don’t already have some defined form like these zombie puppets.

26) Going back a little, since Dash’s section of the haunted house was called the Spa of Doom and Danny’s is called his the Room of Doom I couldn’t help but think really guys? That’s the best you could come up with? I know they’re teenagers but they could have been a bit more creative than that, I blame Butch for using the same words like “fright” and “doom” all over the darn place in this show.

27) Compared to Dash’s room I guess I can kind of see why Danny’s was still considered kinda lame so to be fair I can’t fault Mr. Lancer with not being that interested. But at the same time, at least Danny’s room has a better Halloween theme and goes for the classic scares. And like I said before, Danny would never have been able to afford decent props anyway so it’s no wonder all his look cheap.

Think Danny, one of your best friends is a GOTH! Surely Sam could have given him tons of amazing pointers design-wise and maybe helped him pick better props even if he still had a small budget? Just look at her bedroom!

She’s got candles, a voodoo doll in the window, I think some sort of tribal symbol on that poster by the window, and lastly a Chinese lantern above her bed! Plus, she’s the one who showed him the book about the Fright Knight in the first place so she totally could have helped him recreate those ideas better.

28) I love when the Fright Knight sees Dash running and says “I know that terror. It carries the scent of my blade!” which to me literally translates to that the Fright Knight can SMELL fear. Makes sense given that he’s the Spirit of Halloween.

What I don’t get is why the Fright Knight landed in front of Dash to ask him where he’s running from since the giant swirling green cloud should have been a dead giveaway (pun intended!) Lastly, wow those two are big! But again I think he’s more powerful on Halloween which would also explain why his skeleton soldier’s dwarfed Danny so much too...

29) I kinda get the joke here but I think Tucker would have noticed sooner that the Fright Knight in front of him wasn’t Danny because of the evil alicorn in front of him and that his voice is totally different from Danny. That, and I think he would have been much more impressed by the “updated look” since the Fright Knight and Nightmare look incredible even if you didn’t know they’re the real deal. I always laugh at how seriously the Fright Knight shouts “FLAMING BEDSHEETS OF DEATH!” I wonder how his voice actor -who is Michael Dorn btw- was able to say this with a straight face.

30) This next part is VERY important because I mentioned before that the ecto-storm thing has more to it than we think which becomes even more appearant when the Fright Knight declares: “And once this ecto-storm touches every corner of this globe, all these transformations will be permanent and this, shall be my new domain!” Need I remind you, his Soul Shredder caused this more sustained storm but they have also been happening naturally so I think that’s a phenomenon left over from when he originally used to haunt the earth.

31) I’m probably overthinking it but the Fright Knight went from holding Tucker by the throat to straight up holding him up by one hand kinda like Pariah holds Danny and Vlad in one hand in Reign Storm. This just bothers me because the scale is all messed up since I showed a screenshot of him in front of Dash and I don’t care how lanky Tucker might be the Fright Knight’s not THIS large.

32) Speaking of scale, I’m glad these skeletons look right at least compared to Sam.

33) I guess Danny must have grabbed a Fenton Foamer from home just to be safe after he decided to, erm, “borrow” the Fright Knight’s sword. Speaking of which at least the Fright Knight didn’t say the transformations would be permanent by Midnight because Danny would have screwed up even worse if that were the case since he only planned to return the sword by then provided he hadn’t freed the ghost in the first place.

34) Ugh, seriously, cartoon or not physics are a thing so Tucker would not have been able to bounce like that. They should have just cut to him only briefly being flung back and then getting caught in the web.

35) I know at this point in the series Danny still isn’t very strong yet but I still think that on Halloween night the Fright Knight is nearly invincible so releasing him on the world when he’s at his most powerful wasn’t your best move Danny. I like to think of this like when Pariah Dark has the Ring of Rage and Crown of Fire on but here, its the Fright Knight’s Soul Shredder that gets a power boost on this night specifically when the barriers between the real world and the Ghost Zone are at their thinnest.

36) I have so much respect for Tucker for jumping in front of Danny to save him. And it’s a good thing the Soul Shredder only teleports whoever it slices to a dimension of their worst fear otherwise Tucker and Mr. Lancer would have been killed on the spot. Their teacher had his head sliced and here, Tucker was stabbed in the heart. Seriously, I wonder if Danny had nightmares about losing Tucker for real like this after seeing him vanish like that?

All that said I still think that power only works on Halloween night since we only see the Fright Knight fight with this sword normally from here on out in the series because can you imagine if the Fright Knight had been able to slice Valerie with it and sent her to a dimension of her biggest fear? She would have no way to get back home on her own and Danny would have had to save her which is a scary thought.

37) I don’t blame Sam for looking scared when the Fright Knight goes after her next when she talks about the book she’s holding having a clue on how to beat him in it. Danny must’ve still had it in the room as a reference when setting it all up. Sam’s probably worried about Tucker and Mr. Lancer too but she knows they can get them back if Danny can defeat the Fright Knight and has faith in him, that’s what’s probably keeping her focused despite being afraid too.

Also, that book was cut cleanly in half so technically she wouldn’t have been able to find a page intact like this unless the book had been cut while she still had it open right along the spine.

38) I REALLY want to know the story behind this page, or well the whole book really. How did the author find out this weakness? Did they manage to defeat him this way bu chance or did a magic user help them seal the Fright Knight away like this after the fact? I’d like to think some normal peopled managed to beat him by uncovering this weakness and then made a new Halloween tradition of carving pumpkins instead of turnips -which yes is an actual part of the original holiday- so that should he ever return, people would have a way to send the Fright Knight back to the Ghost Zone once again.

39) At last, we’re nearly done but omg, Danny was amazing when he overcharged his energy to disarm the Fright Knight.

40) I’m glad something only has to look like a pumpkin for it to count as one Danny could stab the sword into since he uses Tucker’s ruined candy basket.

41) Once the sword is in the pumpkin, the Fright Knight can no longer pull it out and wield it. The seal has been cast, cutting off his power and reversing the ecto-storm so that it pulls him back into the Ghost Zone and reverses the transformations.

42) Oh hi Nightmare, have you been there the whole time just watching your master fight Danny? What a loyal steed!

43) Yep, I will never stop thinking that the Fright Knight was once also the Headless Horseman since we see his head vanish first before the rest of his armor is pulled into the portal too. Once he’s gone the sword vanishes as well.

44) Not sure how Mr. Lancer justified all that nightmare fuel he saw being part of the haunted house but whatever works I guess. As for Danny, I am kinda proud of him for being honest but at the same time it feels weird that he considered what happened “cheating” when honestly I think Mr. Lancer should have been more concerned by Sam’s explanation about: “Which causes a psychosomatic reaction in whoever’s exposed to it-” since that sounds actually dangerous. You know like using hallucinogenics.

45) Last one but ugh...its so stupid that Danny STILL gets detention anyway out of spite just because Danny’s parents drenched them in said anti-ghost foam in front of the gym teacher and embarrassed him. That part wasn’t Danny’s fault! I’m totally skipping talking about the very end of the episode because it still makes me want to barf.

But there you go! Sorry it took so long but I hope you guys enjoyed my deep dive about the Fright Knight’s intro episode. I’ll do a separate post later about his downfall as a character but for now I’m glad I managed to crank this out before Halloween actually arrives!

[evil-giggling]

Langa VS. the Assholes Who Hurt Reki

Summary: Langa and Reki have finally made up! But that doesn't mean that they no longer have problems.

(or, Langa just wants Reki to be happy, but for some reason people are very against that.)

Warnings: Swearing (Langa has has enough), Mentions of violence, Ad*m.

Words: 1.7k

(haha wdym the title is a star vs the forces of evil pun,,, no it isnt haha)

The stars in Okinawa reflected the sea, and the sound of their laughter along with the scraping of wheels against the cement ground is one that symbolizes peace, unity, and pure, unadulterated love.

Langa and Reki are alright again, and everything is right with the world.

"You... What?" Langa looked befuddled, an unidentifiable look on his features, as Reki nervously fiddled with his fingers, blushing from embarrassment. From what? He doesn't know.

"It's— it's not as bad as you think!" Reki said hurriedly, but by now there was a prominent frown on Langa's face, "it's— I was just ran over by a car—"

"Just," Langa emphasized, his voice uncharacteristically firmer and louder, "ran over by a car? Reki, do you think everyone just gets run over by a car? And do you think people who get run over by a car wake up in a love hotel? With a stranger?"

It's the next day since Langa and Reki's making up from their fight, and neither of them quite expected that the comeback of their roof-top lunches would start with Reki accidentally spilling that he was in a love hotel. Much less brought to a love hotel because he was ran over. By a stranger.

Everything was all so suddenly not-right, and Langa couldn't decide if this was better, or worse.

"—Langa? Hey, earth to Prince Langa!" Reki snapped his fingers in front of Langa's face, and the latter blinked, wondering when he started to get lost in his thoughts, and—wow. Reki seemed a bit too close to his face right now. Not that he was complaining.

There was a cute pout on Reki's lips, Langa guessed it was caused by his own neglect of their conversation. The former, though, upon noticing that his companion's eyes were on his lips, blushed bright red again, and brought back distance between them. Langa didn't stop the disappointed sigh from his lips, but the disappointment didn't last long.

His face once again etched up in concern, looking at Reki, who was facing down at the ground, his headband covering his cheeks, in an attempt to cool them down. Langa let a small, fond smile on his lips, before shaking it off once he remembered what Reki mentioned earlier.

"Reki, you can't just brush this off," Langa said, eyebrows furrowing and his chest hardening in both concern and frustration, "what else happened to you when I wasn't around?"

Reki sneaked a glance at Langa, before sheepishly turning away.

"Nothing," Reki said, but the lie obvious to Langa, "and you're talking a lot about this, like last night."

Langa frowned, "of course I am, you worry me a lot when you say 'it's nothing' or 'I'm fine'," he played with the hem of his shirt, before letting go and continuing, "because most of the time, you're lying."

Reki said nothing, only burrowing farther in himself. Langa huffed, frustration building up in him. If Reki thought it was surprising to see him chatty, he'll definitely have a heart attack after this.

Langa engulfed Reki in a hug, and it wasn't only the latter who gasped in surprise. Perhaps they've gathered some nosy onlookers?

Who cares?, Langa thought, Reki's the only thing that's important right now.

"Reki, be honest please?" Langa said, voice muffled, as he buried his face on Reki's shoulder.

"O-okay! Langa, okay, I'll tell you!" Reki stuttered out, a flustered mess, from the way he spoke, "just, let go, please?" He whispered to Langa, "people are kind of looking at us right now."

Langa didn't care who saw them, honestly. But he got what he wanted, and he didn't want Reki to be embarrassed too bad, so he let go of Reki's waist, and sat back to where he was positioned earlier.

He looked at Reki expectantly, but with patience. The latter picked at his nails in nervousness, wherein Langa took one of his hands to ease his anxiety.

Reki brought back Langa's hands, and started staring down at them and playing with them. He seemed to calm down, as his cheeks were no longer red, and Langa sent a dirty look to the passersby who were looking at them with keen interest, when Reki wasn't looking.

Reki swallowed, and looked up at him.

He scrunched up his face and looked away for a second, scratching his cheek with a finger, a small flush on his cheeks, "uhm..." letting out a sigh, Reki collected his thoughts and said, "erm, before I met you, I used to be in this sort of team? Gang? Thing... It was for skating." Reki added, upon the worried and horrified look on Langa's face, and the latter let out a sigh of relief, and encouraged him to continue.

"Er, they were sort of—they weren't really people I wanted to hang out with?" Reki mumbled, sheepishly, "they, uhm, they weren't really ones who enjoyed skating? They did it for the aesthetic, basically, and it made them sort of lame for me.

"So, I quit after three days."

Langa only seemed confused, so Reki added, "and well, I saw them while walking through the market and they kind of..." Reki mumbled the last part, and Langa blinked.

"'They kind of' what?" Langa pressed on, and Reki swallowed.

"They jumped me, but—" Reki immediately started to add, silencing a seething Langa with the palm of his hand.

Langa was nothing short of furious, and he was ready to tell Joe about this development to gang up on the little fucks that put a hand on Reki. And you know what? He'll do the same to that stranger! He'll make them have hell to pay, damn it, how dare they hurt his Reki.

But he couldn't express any of this right now, with Reki's hand on his mouth, so he (begrudgingly) let Reki continue.

"—but, it's fine! It's all in the past now. 'Sides, I kind of felt like I deserved it? I mean, I didn't actually deserve it—" he said, at the furious glare Langa sent to him, "it's just—well, it didn't compare to the people at S, y'know I—oops."

Reki flustered, detaching his palm from Langa's mouth to cover his own. Langa squashed the giddy feeling of that indirect kiss, and firmly, but with a gentleness Reki absolutely deserved, placed his hands on both of Reki's shoulders.

"What did 'the people of S' do, Reki?" Langa grounded out, tired of all of these people out to hurt Reki. Out of everyone he knew, Reki was the last one to deserve this much abuse.

Reki looked up at Langa, and knew he couldn't just lie his way out of not telling him. He looked down for a moment, simmering in guilt—of what?— and looked back up at Langa, setting his hands on his lap.

"They, uh. They would talk behind my back, and uhm, and talk about... How I'm just... A useless... Er," Reki struggled to find the words, and he felt tears sting at his eyes, and he looked up, not wanting them to fall. Langa felt guilty at making him relive these memories, but he needs to know exactly how he'll hurt these assholes.

Reki looked down, at his hands, and then at Langa, then he said, "they'd say that I'm no one... That I'm just... 'the guy who hangs around Snow'... Or just..." Reki bit his lip, "the one who's not Snow."

Langa was reminded of a meme, back from when he was still very much devoid of Reki and his kindness, talent, and all around amazing-ness. It was a dubbed line from an anime, wasn't it?

This is the first time in my life that I've been provoked to hit a woman.

Except they weren't a woman, in fact, they were the plethora of annoying assholes who made Reki feel worse than he already did.

Talk about kicking a guy while he was down.

"Names." Langa said, plain and simple.

"Huh?" Reki said, confused and flustered.

"I want their names, Reki."

"Langa, they were total strangers! Which makes it even more pathetic that their words got to me, honestly—"

"Don't blame yourself for them being stupid and blind." Langa said firmly, "you're amazing, Reki. Don't let them make you think otherwise."

At that, Reki smiled, and playfully punched Langa's shoulder, "thanks, Langa."

Before Reki could pull his hand away, Langa took it in both of his own, "I'm serious. You're so amazing Reki—"

Reki blushed, "th-thanks man, you're amazing too—"

"—you really don't understand, when you skate, you're the only thing I see—"

"—that's really enough!"

"—and you know exactly what I need, and you don't even have to try that hard to figure it out—"

"—is this even about skating anymore, Langa?"

"—and I think your headband is neat, but you look so cute without it, and your hair is a lot more fluffy—"

"Alright!" Reki squeaked out, just as the bell rang, signalling the end of the lunch period, "we'll talk about this later, we have to go back to school—er, class!" Flustered, Reki fixed his headband, and stomped his way back to the classroom.

Langa let out blissful laughter, and for now, he was satisfied with his work. He hoped it'd be enough for Reki to temporarily forget what those people did and said to him. Hoped it distracted Reki enough to not figure out that Langa was planning to find out everything with the rest of the gang, and would be punishing the ones who offended Reki accordingly.

He ran up to Reki, and offered his hand to the latter, whose cheeks were still flushed.

To his delight, Reki took his hand, and they walked down back to their classroom, hand in hand.

Later that evening, uncannily enough, Adam proposed an idea to the duo. A rematch, he had said, to redeem Reki of his loss in their last beef. There was an obvious, underlying malice, in his offer, though. Reki looked terrified, yet determined, but before he could agree, Langa had stepped in front of him, a chilling glower directed at Adam, who only smirked.

Langa had enough of people wanting to hurt Reki, and hated that smug face on Adam's features so much (it promised to hurt Reki to the point that he would be irreparable, and Langa was furious), that before Adam could even comment at Langa's protective stance, he had been punched in the face by the latter.

And, well, Joe seemed a bit inspired to do the same.

——————————————————————

A/N: haha i dont know how to make titles someone help

@andromeda612 @yunolik87

[bonny-kookoo]

Bittersweet (JJK x Reader) ☕️💜🔞

🍪 Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

🍪 Genre: Barista!AU, Mutual pining, smut because this is my content we’re talking about

🍪 Warnings: mentions of sickness, mentions of vomiting, best boi Koo, coffee puns, casual y’all during sex, protected sex because we have our lives under control in this household, overstimulation, rough! Koo, spanking (like..once), doggy-style because why not, reader rides Koo for a moment before he takes the upper hand again, they’re just being a mess ok

🍪 Summary: every day she’s his favorite costumer. So when she’s suddenly absent; what’s he supposed to do without any way to contact her?

Jungkooks eyes began to sparkle as she stepped inside, wrapped up in a fluffy brown jacket, a scarf around her neck.

His scarf to be exact.

Now, they both weren't a couple- but close enough. He'd given her his scarf the day before as she'd forgotten hers at home; and due to the cold weather outside, he'd immediately gotten concerned over her health. He knew that she hated the cold- so he'd gifted his own protection against the harsh wind outside to her, uncaring about himself in that moment.

It gave him a weird sense of pride knowing that she wore it still. And as she stepped closer, Jungkook had already prepared her usual order- never forgetting to include her favorite cookies, a thing he'd memorized by now. She never quite drank coffee, but more like, milk and sugar with a drop of coffee. His coworker, Jin, had made fun of it several times in the past; he'd always stepped in however, as soon as he could see how embarrassed she got.

"Oh?" He asked, as he noticed her red nose and glossy eyes. "Are you okay?" He asked, and she giggled before coughing. He furrowed his brows. Hopefully she didn't want to go to work like that- but by now he knew her well enough to have a very big suspicion that that was exactly her plan for the day.

She rolled her eyes playfully. "Oh hey what's brewing? Looking good yourself, thanks for the compliment-" She said, trying to laugh but coughing again. "Hey look, I kind of wanted to return your scarf, but I also don't want to share my bacteria with you so- is it okay if I keep it for a bit?" She said, voice a bit muffled due to her facemask. He nodded, a slight pout on his lips.

"I know you're gonna go to work but-" He said, placing her order on the counter for her to take, as she placed down the money he took. "Can you at least go home a bit earlier? You really do look not so good." He said, doe-eyes growing a bit pleading at her as she sighed.

"I'll try, okay?" She said, and he nodded. Technically he'd ask her to promise, but he also knew how headstrong she was. The fact that she aknowledged his request was good enough for now.

"Okay." He said, smiling a bit as he waved from behind the counter as she left. "Take care!" He called out as she still waved, almost tripping over the small step outside the door as he chuckled, turning to the next costumer.

She wasn't there the next day.

Typically he should not get too worried about it, but as the week passed, she still didn't show up. A coworker of hers couldn't tell him either what was going on; only that she wasn't at work either.

So she was probably at home resting. Hopefully.

"...kook. Jungkook!" Jin called out, saving his younger coworker from spilling hot milk all over his hand. "Okay, spill the beans loverboy." He sternly said as he took him to the side, the cafe calm and almost empty as they were close to closing time. Jungkook sighed as he ran a hand over his face, groaning for a moment.

"I'm worried!" He exclaimed, no need to say out loud who he was talking about. "I know that she's an independent adult person who can surely take care of herself but what if something happened? What if she's at home too sick to take care of herself? Jin during the entire time she came here, she never missed an entire week!" He explained in pout as he let himself flop down on one of the small chairs. Seokjin sighed, before he looked at the clock.

"Go. I'll wrap things up today." He said, as Jungkook furrowed his brows. Even if he went home now, that didn't help his situation at all! "I'll give you her number and you can call her-" He started, as Jungkook suddenly jumped up.

"You have her number?! Why didn't you tell me?" He yelled, absolutely scandalized by this.

Seokjin threw his hands up in defeat. "Okay slow down, first of all you never asked. Second of all she told me not to!" He said, and Jungkooks look shifted. He suddenly didn't look offended anymore- he looked hurt. Betrayed almost.

"Why.?" He asked, now way quieter.

Jin sighed. "She wanted you to ask for it instead." He answered, and Jungkook threw his head back again, groaning as Jin laughed. "Give me your phone.." He said, taking the device from him and putting in her contact info. "There you go. Use protection kid!" He called after Jungkook, who'd immediately grabbed his phone and ran out, putting on his coat on his way.

The older one simply shook his head, smiling.

"..yeah?" The very tired voice of hers answered as Jungkook sat up straighter on his couch.

"H-Hey its Jungkook! You know, Kookie, the barista who puts in vanilla sugar instead of the lame stuff?" He said, and suddenly a laugh reached his ear, making him involuntarily smile. "Hey, I.. you didn't show up the entire week and it made me kind of worry so, I wanted to ask if you're good?" He asked, shyness slowly dying down.

Her voice sounded strained. "Yeah yeah, just great-" She said, before coughing. "Okay yeah no. Have you ever needed to sneeze but you couldnt?" She asked, and he hummed a reply, agreeing that he indeed had been in that situation before. "I feel absolutely like I'm gonna, you know, throw up, but I can't." She groaned, and his brows furrowed at that.

"I promise I don't try to be creepy here but-" He started, as he looked at his dog, peacefully sleeping next to him on the couch. "Can you give me your address maybe so I can come over? I- Listen I'm super worried, and no one should be left alone when sick." He said, and wondered if he was overstepping a line. Until he heard some shuffling, and a jingling sound.

"I'll text it to you, k? I uh.. unlocked the door now because I sure as hell won't be getting up anymore today." She said, as he chuckled.

"Oh, so you're gonna make me your maid?" He asked, and she giggled.

"Thats the plan Kookie."

"Y/N?" He called, without getting an answer. He thought about it, before trying a second attempt. "Midget!"

The answer was almost instantly. "The fuck do you mean Mid-" She tried, before coughing.

Jungkook walked inside the bedroom after searching for a moment, looking at her with a pitiful smile as he leaned against the doorframe. If she wasn't feeling so absolutely disgusting in that moment, she would've whistled at his way different outfit. After all, she mainly only saw him in his regular work attire; the black button up and ripped jeans he sported now a complete one-eighty to that. He looked so much more mature like that- now actually giving away that he was a bit older than her. Did he always have such a defined jawline? He could definitely cut a bitch with that-

Wow, exit was three miles ago.

"Done staring sugar?" He asked, and she only groaned, burying herself deeper into her massive mountain of blankets as he chuckled. "Alright. I'm gonna carry you into the living room, because I wont be spending my time in your stuffy bedroom." He said, making her giggle as she peeked out of her makeshift burrito.

"You won't?" She asked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively before sneezing into the blankets, making him chuckle again.

"You're sick, so no." He said, and she suddenly yelped as he leaned down to pick her up. "What?" He asked with wide eyes.

"I'm sick!"

"So?"

"I'm sick."

"Heard that before." He said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. She swallowed a bit at that because- was that a tattoo staring at her? Why did she never notice his hand was inked?! She shook her head, to focus again. "You'll get sick too!" She explained, before he scoffed.

"It's not like I'm licking your face sugar, now stop being difficult." He said, as he picked her up, blankets and everything included as he carried her back, placing her onto her couch before he squatted down in front of her face. "I'm gonna heat up some soup, and you'll eat something alright?" He said, and she shook her head.

"I'm gonna throw it up." She said, a pout evident. She didn't want his hard work to simply go down the drain- quite literally.

"That's okay." He answered, as she furrowed her brows. "You probably can't throw up because you haven't eaten. People typically feel better after vomiting so it's okay. Win win situation, really." He said as if it wasn't a huge deal.

"It's gross though." She mumbled.

"It happens." He said back, as he placed the white plastic bag on her kitchen counter, filling some of the soup from the plastic container into a small bowl he had a bit of issues finding, before he heated it up in her microwave. He was absolutely terrified of using them usually, making her laugh at him every time someone brought it up, but this time he didn't care much. "Here, let me help." He hummed, as he placed the bowl and a spoon on the small coffee table in front of her couch, helping her sit up properly. "Slowly, okay? You don't need to finish it, just a bit at a time alright sugar?" He requested, and she nodded, watching him as he sat down next to her, bowl on his thigh while he blew on the spoon, careful to cool the liquid food down before offering it. She kept her eyes on his focused face as she opened her lips, accepting it as he gently smiled. "There we go. Hope it doesn't suck, Jin says I can't cook for shit." He said with a chuckle.

"Doesn't matter, I can't taste much anyways." She shrugged, as he offered another small spoonful.

He snorted a bit as he kept himself concentrated. "Well I guess I'll just have to get you better, and cook for you when your tastebuds work again." He decided, as she smiled.

"Huh?" He noticed, as the small form of her whizzed past him, practically throwing open the bathroom door before he heard her. He dried his hands, sighing as he went inside the bathroom, spotting her leaning over the toilet bowl, gripping it with pale hands. "Oh sugar." He hummed, before he squatted next to her, a comforting hand running over her back as the other gathered her hair, holding it away from her face. He hushed her the best he could, a bit of helplessness seeping into his mind as he watched her struggle. She leaned her head on the side of the bowl for a moment, breathing heavily with closed eyes. Jungkook reached for a piece of toilet paper, wiping her mouth before he continued his gentle caressing of her back. "Better?" He asked, and she nodded, before opening her eyes, tearing up. "Whats wrong?" He asked, as he helped her sit, flushing the toilet.

"I hate this." She said, angrily wiping her eyes.

"Everyone gets sick." He said with a slight smile, searching for toothpaste as he prepared everything for her to get the taste off of her tongue.

"Thats not what I meant." She mumbled, as he looked at her. "I hate that you see me like this. I'm disgusting and a walking piece of dead meat at this point, radiating germs." She huffed, as he went down in front of her, pointing her toothbrush at her lips as she opened them almost automatically. He smiled at her reaction, placing the brush inside her mouth as she took over, lazily brushing her teeth.

"I think you're still pretty." He said, as she looked at him with an unamused look in her eyes. "I feel good that you let me take care of you like this. It feels nice that you let me see you like that." He explained, as he helped her up to walk towards the sink, turning on the water as she rinsed her mouth. "I don't like you any less, of you're worried about that." He said, and she almost choked on the water inside her mouth.

She knew he liked her, romantically, yet he'd never openly said it.

"I know its a bit sudden, but I've been pretty obvious." He said, as he wiped her mouth with a towel, before smiling at her.

"If I wasn't sick right now I'd be all cliche and kiss you right now, but I can't." She said, pouting a bit as he chuckled, kissing his two fingers before placing them onto her lips.

"Indirect kiss then."

"Okay but espresso is absolutely disgusting." She said, leaning over the counter to grab a mini cookie, before yelping as Jungkook playfully slapped her hands.

"Everyone can decide for themselves, first of all, and stop stealing shit." He said as he pointed at her, gasping scandalized as she teasingly tried to bite his finger. "Really now?" He asked, and she laughed.

"Okay kids, be disgusting somewhere else please!" Seokjin yelled, grabbing Jungkook by his apron as he pushed him into the backroom, telling him to change and go home. "Yoongi and I will close up today." He said to the young girl waiting, as she nodded.

"Alright sugar, lets go and be disgusting!" Jungkook exclaimed as he emerged from the backroom, now dressed in familiar all black attire, as he scooped her up, making her laugh as they both walked out of the cafe, towards his car.

"I want you to move in with me." He said between huffs of breaths as she mewled underneath him, body shaking with every encounter with his thrusting hips. She nodded as she smiled when he leaned down to kiss her collarbone, hand running over her breasts as he teasingly pinched a nipple between his fingers.

"You'll- urgh-" She groaned, as he bit the skin. "You'll have to carry my shit though." She pressed out, as he laughed at that, leaning back as he expertly angled his hips to hit her sweet spot deep inside, making her arch her back.

"Ah- that's fine with m..me!" He stuttered as he began to put more force into his movements, sacrificing speed for strength as she hummed in delight underneath him, grabbing the pillow above her head as she started to grow restless. "You gonna cum sugar? Nice and hard?" He asked playfully as he moved his hand over her exposed clit, fingers rubbing over the sensitive bundle of nerves as she gasped in pleasure, thighs suddenly shaking as she came, clenching around him. "Hm, good girl." He hummed, before she huffed, suddenly squirming before she squealed, wetness escaping her as he chuckled, sight enough to send him over the edge as well. "There we go, giving me a show aren't you sugar?" He said, voice hoarse as he let himself lean over her again, before she suddenly grinned up at him, pulling him down and shoving a bit to get him to lay down, suddenly above him as she sunk down on his still sensitive cock.

He laghed and choked up as she continued to ride him, her own second orgasm approaching as he squeezed his eyes shut. "God- good god ah!" He yelled out between laughter at the way he could feel his own legs tremble, unsure if what he was feeling was torture of absolute heaven. "Pl-Please God, Baby you're-" He pressed out, gasping as he suddenly felt himself close to a second orgasm as well. "You're gonna kill me you fucking demon!" He exclaimed, roughly turning her around as he pulled her legs against her stomach again, thrusting with newfound strength, as she giggled and squealed. "That's what you wanted?" He asked between gritted teeth as she pressed her eyes close. "Little demon can't get enough of this dick?" He teased as she nodded, now desperately racing towards her release as he suddenly slipped out of her, adjusting the condom with a trembling hand as he manhandles her laughing body onto her stomach, pulling on her lower half as he slipped inside her wet cunt from behind, bringing his inked hand down onto her butt with a loud slap for good measure as she whined. "Oh now you're complaining? Should've known what-" He groaned out in between his words as he grabbed her thighs, pulling her against his relentless hips as she moaned out into the pillow below her. "-Should've know what you got yourself into." He finished, before she arched her back again, reaching behind her to push him off as her eyes teared up from overstimulation. As he saw her painful expression he immediately pulled out of her, pulling the condom off of his erection as he desperately pumped his length, finishing in small spurts on the arch of her back before they both collapsed, breathing heavily.

"Okay, I loved every second of it sugar but-" He exclaimed breathless, as she cuddled up next to him, throwing a leg over his body as he laughed. "What the fuck was that?"

But she simply giggled, mind still too hazy to form any words.

[pluviophile-bookworm]

HSMTMTS 2x11: Let us pull up a chair as the dining room proudly presents... the reason for my next mental breakdown

I can't believe myself, honestly. Oversleeping on the one day of the week that I've got something exciting to wake up for? Oh well, I'm up now and I'd better go ahead and do this before my dashboard has showered me with spoilers. I mean, I have never really minded spoilers, but when it comes to this, somehow I do. Though I do wish something had forewarned me about last week's snap ending (get it, 'snap'... I'll see myself out). I'd better dive in already.

Yes, Mr Mazzara, that's what I've been saying for a while! Ok, maybe I haven't been very vocal about it, but it was in the foreground of my mind that they should have asked for Mr Mazzara's help re: transformation! I'm just glad he pointed it out. Not that he could have done much while he was busy playing therapist for his beloved Miss Jenn. Oh well.

Were those Ash and Ricky doing actual paired-up warmups? That is what they should have been doing for weeks now. That and having actual off-stage interactions, too. But I still subscribe to the theory that the gang had some good rehearsals off-screen — otherwise there's no way they could have been this good on stage as we saw in the previews. I said it last time and I'll say it again — not everything is for us to see.

Wow. The one time our leads are in unison, and it is about both being injured. The East High drama club must be cursed — they can't have one production run smoothly and without what can only be described as pure unbridled chaos.

They don't have any understudies? That explains some things... but also how? But also, I'm so happy Ashlyn is going on. No way she would have missed her first (first of many, right?) chance of being the lead because of some 'minor' injury.

Ricky and Nini still can't talk to each other properly. Oh well. Take your time. It's not like I care about this pairing anymore.

Did EJ just use the word 'dig'? Boy, the boy's got it baaaaaad. Also, what is it going to take for these two to realise they're in love? For all we know, they might have that big kiss we're all dreaming of and still be like 'nah, it's nothing, we're buddies'... give me a break! But I mean, at this point they might just be turning into Redlyn 2.0, where even a kiss doesn't define things. But hey, if they do follow in Redlyn's footsteps, that only means good things in their future, right?

What did that fake French git do to my boy Carlos? He's not supposed to look this inanimate until right before the climax of the play! Well, I mean, at least Seb serving as his interpreter means that Seb gets more lines for a bit. Too bad he can't go on for someone with more lines in the play.

Miss Jenn's 'words of inspiration' were less than inspired... yeah, this show's going down. Or it would, if it depended solely on her. Let's hope the kids do better. I mean, I know for a fact they will... at least for about 5 minutes of the thing. There is still room for things to go wrong and I'm scared.

Oh, my sweet boy... I wish I could jump in there and do something to help him feel less nervous. Thing is, if I were there, I'd probably be the most nervous of them all, even if I were playing Townsfolk #3 or something, and everyone's nervousness would rub off on me, and I would be making things worse instead of helping. So yeah, I'm kind of glad I'm not there.

Ahhhh who called it? @redlyncentral was it you? Ash got flowers for her Biggie! And there's a card whose contents we've yet to see. But that doesn't seem to be helping either. My sweet, sweet Reddy... I hope and pray he'll be alright.

Well this is awkward! Who told Mike to show up and shake everything up right now? Miss Jenn is literally on the brink of exploding, and now she's stuck in this completely unnecessary love triangle. She needs some space. And a quiet place to breathe, thanks Mr M for suggesting it.

'Did we forget to build a mote around the school or...' Yeah, you tell her, Rick! That girl whose name I never want to pronounce (because it makes me think of much nicer people and she's making me hate it) has no business being there. She's not... being given a redemption arc, is she now? Some people just don't deserve it. And if hating her is an unpopular opinion now, well, I never did care much about having popular opinions. I can live with that.

'Lily, scram!' Yes, thank you, Natalie! I've always wanted someone who would voice my thoughts in a way that the characters can hear them. Make this girl a main next season, won't you? (Just so we're crystal clear, I mean Natalie, not the other one.)

OMG Mr M is in the play! In a way... I love that!

I love, love, love the way they did the prologue. 'Repulsed [the prince makes an over-the-top gesture of repulsion] by her haggard appearance [the witch shows off her face to the audience]...' I love this. I would pay a lot for a chance to see their entire play, you know?

Oh dear, somebody give my boy Reddy some sort of... medical aid against all the throwing up! I've got a nice pill that helps me with my bad cases of motion sickness. Hey, so maybe I could have helped if I were there after all. Great, now I feel bad. But also, is all the throwing up an excuse on the writers' part to keep my boy off-screen for the majority of this episode? Because it's a really lame excuse.

Gina's 'Many questions' continues to be a mood. What exactly is Miss Jenn expecting from the kids? Last-minute adjustments? No way. This spells disaster.

Was Carlos on vocal rest or something? Because he shines like the star he is... despite all the very obvious nervousness backstage. I mean, I wouldn't have it any other way, but... oh well, I wouldn't say it's unrealistic. In my personal performing experience, the most nervous ones perform the best. (So... what is that saying for my boy Reddy? Good things only.)

I've already had the opportunity to geek out about Be Our Guest yesterday, but... I mean, just look at them! Carlos doesn't need actual candles to be on fire, Ashlyn is stealing the scene without any lines in it, Gina is absolutely gorgeous, and don't even get me started on EJ and Big Red looking at their girls in absolute awe! This is everything!

Aww, look at them! Gina and Ashlyn dancing together, I mean. They're sisters and it really shows. And I love them both so much.

Kourtney is an absolute show-stealer! I'm still upset about some casting choices (one of them is in this scene, doing his absolute best with the crumbs he has been given), but she is absolutely perfect. I think I'll rewind and watch this entire scene again before moving on with the rest of the episode.

I'd just like to point out that Frankie's voice in his lower register is everything!

'You absolutely dusted that stage'... Not EJ making a pun so punny even I could not have thought of it... boy is absolutely smitten!

Not me tearing up when Jordan Fisher appeared as Gina's brother... like, I knew it was happening — I knew it even before it was announced. And I still teared up because, well, it's emotional in-universe and out.

Awww, my boy Reddy is so in love with Ashlyn... I mean, who wouldn't be... but — not Ricky saying Lily might not be as mean as they thought. Especially not to Big Red of all people. To him, she was just as mean as they thought.

'Side hustle project in the south hallway'? Ooh, what is it, I want to know now!

Why do I feel like things are a bit too awkward between Kourtney and Howie? Not that I'm too invested in their relationship, but if it bothered me, imagine how it must feel for the stans.

No, Ash, you absolutely do not need to add any fancy riffs to the song! Especially not just because L... well, that girl did it. You're unique and lovely and a literal Disney princess inside and out. That girl? She's just a wolf in a sparkling golden dress.

Awww... Big Red literally lowers Ash's blood pressure! Those two are such an amazing couple! (Full disclosure, though, he kind of does the same for me too; the other night I had this horrible nightmare, and I woke up in cold sweat in the middle of the night, and then... ok, getting too personal there.) The point is, if even the fantasy of a Big Red hug makes me feel better, imagine what his actual presence would do for Ash at that moment. Where is my boy? Everyone seems to be looking for him.

Oh... guess they took my advice to give the poor boy something for his vomiting issue. Good for whoever thought of it.

And we're back to the Porter siblings... forgive me if I still can't wrap my head around calling Gina's brother Jamie. I don't know about you guys, but thanks to my lovely new friend Paz he will always be Theodore to me. I guess we can headcanon that as his middle name. Anyway, I love it that they made a joke about the hilarious height difference between him and Gina because, well, it's the only thing I can think about when I look at the two of them. It reminds me of me and my little cousin who has been taller than me since she was 10, and is still growing taller now at 13. But, I mean, it's not very hard to be taller than me, since I'm so, so short... ok, this is not about me. Moving on.

Was I the only one who actually laughed out loud at Ricky drinking from the bowl as the Beast? I mean, that part has always made me laugh in the original movie, but something about Ricky's take on it makes it even funnier.

Meanwhile, my girl Ash is absolutely killing it as Belle. Not me having the very same expression as Big Red while watching her... gosh, I love both of them so much! Also, no offence to the rest of the cast, but Julia really is the best vocalist out there. Out of all of them. I said what I said.

My apologies to Ricky, but his voice is just not it when it comes to playing the Beast. Still, with the other option being him putting on that fake deep voice from the audition, I'm glad he didn't.

Ahhhh Portwell nation you ok guys? Since we didn't get them singing Something There, this is very much the next best thing... and boy, is it good!

Those glances between Kourtney and Howie, on the other hand... what on Earth is happening there?

Ok, so you all know just how strongly I feel about Seb's casting as Chip, and yet... boy had one line and absolutely ate it up! Give him an actual singing role next time, Miss Jenn!

EJ being starstruck by Jamie not because he's a big music producer, but because he's Gina's brother... excuse me while I sob!

Excuse me, what!!!! 'A big brother figure'? Boy, this didn't turn out the way I thought it would... now I'm scared.

Way to ruin things, Jamie! And I don't even mean the fact that his name is not Theodore. It doesn't matter what his name is anymore. He might just have put a spanner in the works of Portwell, and they were just doing so well! Ugh, I'm so frustrated. I wish I'd never boarded — what did I call it — 'the majestic S.S. Portwell'. What if it doesn't set sail now?

And there goes another disappointment... Carlos' 'the orchestra hasn't vamped this much since Bop to the Top' line had nothing to do with Seblos, and everything to do with what might still be the downfall of this show. I am not ready.

No. Miss Jenn did not just say that. She did not just tell Ricky — who, may I remind you, not that anyone's forgotten, just fell off of a high place last episode — to 'jump off of something high'. I realise she's under all the pressure, but that is not an excuse. Well, at least she heard herself.

Oh my gods... Nini — well, Nina, actually — did not just call him 'Richard', did she? That's it, that's the point of no return. And well, I kind of wanted them to reach it.

Told you, didn't I? I told you that-girl-who-must-not-be-named was evil! I always follow my intuition and it has not once deceived me. Redeem that, if you can! Guess what? You can't. We've just reached another point of no return.

Wait, a bloody cliffhanger? I cannot handle this. I physically cannot handle this. If you need me, I'll be sitting on my bed in shock, trying to process everything that happened. I'll need a while to get a grip on myself.

[alphadaddyderek]

Not all math puns are awful, just sum (sterek fic, high school au)

ao3 link: click if you dare

summary: ’what is the probability that anyone will pass this fucking class? I’m thinking 1 in 100’

Stiles shakes his head because that was such a bad math joke that it was actually kinda funny. And, based on the expressions on people’s faces during class, also very true.

'i think there is statistical data to back up your theory’

AU where Stiles and Derek have to share a textbook and they write terrible math puns back and forth to each other.

Stiles sincerely, genuinely, regrets taking AP classes.

Well, kinda.

They would look great on his resume. Colleges wouldn’t even second guess accepting him and he would receive so many scholarships which would help his dad big time.

AP classes will also raise his GPA crazy high which, again, looks great to colleges.

Sometimes they just suck.

His AP Statistics class is definitely #1 on the ‘classes that suck straight ass list’.

It’s boring and it can be kinda hard. Plus it’s math so it’s automatically gross.

Stiles is good at math, but it’s not his forte, that’s more Lydia Martin’s thing.

Anyway, Beacon Hills High had to have some budget cuts this year, like, serious budget cuts. The sports teams are lucky that people care about people throwing balls all over the place, otherwise they would’ve gotten cut too.

Since the school has had budget cuts, the students don’t get individual textbooks anymore. Meaning, that they can only use it during class and then they have to leave it in the classroom for the next class to use.

So, yeah.

It’s the third week of junior year, AP Stat is as boring as always. He has Lydia to talk to sometimes but she has other friends in the same class, so he's not always entertained.

The teacher didn’t really care about whether or not students did the work, he just played chess on his computer the whole class anyway. He gave the page number that we were supposed to work on and that was that.

Stiles prefers that to lectures, but still. When he’s done the work there’s nothing left for him to do. He could go on his phone, but even that gets boring eventually.

What he’s trying to say is that he’s bored, okay?

Turning to the page that the teacher assigned, Stiles is shocked and wildly amused, to already see writing on the margins of the page. He figured it would take at least half the school year before people started vandalizing the textbooks. Although, it’s written in pencil so it’s easily erasable.

When Stiles actually reads what was written he snorts. Luckily, it’s loud in the class so the most attention he gets is when Lydia shoots him a weird look which he ignores.

'what is the probability that anyone will pass this fucking class? I’m thinking 1 in 100'

Stiles shakes his head because that was such a bad math joke that it was actually kinda funny. And, based on the expressions on people’s faces during class, also very true.

Should he write something back? Stiles doesn’t know if the person who wrote this is hoping for a response, or if they wrote in the book because they’re just as bored as Stiles is.

Eh, fuck it. Why not?

'i think there is statistical data to back up your theory’

Stiles snickers at his equally bad math joke before finally deciding to focus on the actual work. He didn’t want to be one of the ones who didn’t pass the class, because that would suck. So he does the work and for the remainder of the class he lets out a giggle or two every once in a while because even though he’s 16 years old, he apparently still has the sense of humor of a child.

π π π

It’s the next class and honestly, Stiles kind of forgot about the writing in the textbook. After he left that class he went to AP Geography where there was immediately a test, which he nailed by the way. Plus, with all his other classes, he just didn’t think it was important to remember a bad, but still funny, math joke in a textbook.

The teacher assigns them another page number full of questions to work on. And, just like last time, there’s writing in the margins.

‘i’m sorry, that was pretty mean of me to say’

That one has Stiles laughing out loud. Not too loud though, because he doesn’t have that much of a death wish. He just laughs loud enough to make Lydia send him another weird look, except this time Lydia questions him about it.

“What is so funny?” she asks, twirling her hair with her pencil.

Stiles shakes his head. “Nothing really. Just somebody writing lame math jokes on the book pages.”

“Well, you’re laughing at them. So doesn’t that make you lame as well?”

Stiles dramatically gasps.

“Wow, Lydia, that was pretty mean of you to say,” Stiles replies before bursting into more laughter.

At this point, Lydia is looking at him like he has brain damage but he really can’t bring himself to care. It’s hilarious and if she doesn’t think so then oh well. Her loss.

Well, she doesn’t know that that was the joke inside the textbook, but still, whatever.

It’s funny.

π π π

By this point, it’s kind of like Stiles and this unknown jokester are pen pals.

It’s been a week filled with terrible math jokes and Lydia probably losing more and more respect for him as the days pass.

He’s told Scott about his little pen pal and of course, Scott doesn’t really get it, but he’s supportive nonetheless.

It’s a Friday night and Scott is at Stiles’ house. They’re playing video games and eating so much pizza that Stiles will be bloated for an entire week.

Thankfully, his dad is on the night shift, otherwise, he would be heavily judgmental of Stiles’ life choices.

After several rounds of Mario Kart, they take a break to eat said pizza and talk a bit.

“So,” Scott takes a huge bite of his slice. “how are you and your math buddy doing?”

Stiles takes a bite of his own slice. “Why are you asking? Jealous?”

Scott laughs. “Oh yeah, I’m so jealous. Please, Stiles, make terrible math jokes with me.”

Stiles flips Scott off. “You only mock because you really are jealous.”

Scott rolls his eyes and then the topic is dropped.

At least for the next hour or so. Then after that, it gets brought back up.

“Do you think it’s weird to have a crush on someone you’ve never met?” Stiles asks, playing with a loose thread on his jeans.

Scott looks at Stiles, and Stiles does not want to see the weird look Scott has on his face so he continues looking down.

“You have a crush on this person?”

Stiles shrugs. “I don’t know. They’re funny, and obviously, they’re smart if they’re in AP Stat. I would like to meet this person though, maybe. I don’t know.”

Stiles feels his cheeks heating up.

Scott nudges Stiles with his elbow. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s not weird at all. It’s kinda like online dating, but like medieval style.”

Stiles can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of his throat. “What?”

It’s like medieval style! ‘Cause, it’s in a book. Instead of online.”

Scott is always able to make Stiles feel better, no matter the situation. His goofiness especially lightens his mood.

“Okay, Scott. Are we going to go jousting next?”

“I don’t know. What you guys do on your first date is none of my business,” Scott says with a sly smile.

Stiles snorts and grabs a pillow off the couch behind them and smacks Scott in the face with it, resulting in a pillow fight ensuing.

And if anybody asks, Scott did not win. He didn’t!

π π π

2 weeks after he and Scott had that talk, Stiles continues talking with his pen pal. Although, maybe Stiles is looking too deep into this, but it kind of seems like flirting now?

Hear him out.

In the margins, the person started adding smiley faces and winky faces after every message.

Ooh and they actually put their initials! D.H.

Stiles doesn’t think he knows anyone in school with those initials. Granted, Stiles isn’t exactly a social butterfly so he’s not doubting their existence at all.

AP Stat only has 5 minutes left in the class. Stiles has already embarrassed himself in front of Lydia more times than he can count, so he decides to ask Lydia if she knows someone with those initials.

She purses her lips. “Why do you ask?”

Stiles sighs inwardly before answering. “Uh, well. I was just...wondering. Ya know. Trying to expand my friend circle.”

Lydia raises an eyebrow. And Stiles sighs outwardly this time.

“Fine. You know the jokes that were in the book?”

“You mean from like a month ago?”

“Well...we’ve kinda been continuing to exchange jokes and notes and stuff. And then recently they put their initials. Or, at least I think it’s their initials. I don’t know what else it would be. So, yeah.”

Lydia looks at him for a moment before her lips curl up into a smile. “You mean you’ve finally found someone who has a worse sense of humor than you?”

Stiles returns the smile. “I’ll have you know, my sense of humor is advanced. Way too advanced even for you.”

“Uh-huh. Anyway, the only name that comes to mind is Derek Hale.”

Stiles chokes on his own spit. “Derek Hale? You mean the star of the basketball team? The guy with eyes that are like fifty different colors and bunny teeth that would look ridiculous on anyone else but he somehow looks gorgeous with them? That Derek Hale?”

“Yes. Other than that, I don’t know anyone else with those initials.”

“Does he take AP Stat?”

Lydia shrugs. Stiles takes that as a no.

There’s no way that Derek Hale is the one writing these notes. No way in hell. Stiles isn’t that lucky.

Plus, even if Derek is the one writing these, hypothetically speaking, Derek wouldn’t be interested in him. Don’t get Stiles wrong, he knows he’s a pretty attractive guy. But nobody in this school is as attractive as Derek Hale. Let's be real here.

Okay, maybe Danny. Danny is kinda gorgeous.

But besides Danny, nobody is even on the same level as Derek.

Well, Lydia is too.

Okay, dammit. People are on the same level as Derek Hale. The point is that Stiles isn’t.

Stiles sighs for what seems like the eighth time in. “Okay. Thanks.”

Lydia gives him a scrutinizing look before nodding and getting on her phone.

Stiles sits there and ponders why his life is like this before deciding that he must've done something to piss off fate in a past life. Pleased with his conclusion, Stiles shoves his notebook and pencils into his backpack just in time for the bell to ring.

π π π

Okay, so, Stiles must be going crazy.

When he saw that his pen pal had written his initials he figured, ‘hey, I might as well do the same. It’s only decent right?’ so he had, and ever since then Derek Hale has been shooting him looks in the hallway.

Maybe he’s hallucinating, because Derek Hale is, well, Derek Hale. Out of everyone in the hallway, why would he be looking at Stiles?

Also, Stiles can’t be the only person in the school with the initials S.S. although, he probably is the only S.S. that’s taking AP Stat so there’s that.

Stiles doesn’t know what to do, should he wave? Shoot him a smile?

Actually no, he should do neither of those things because if he does, and Derek actually wasn’t looking at him, that would be so unbelievably embarrassing. So embarrassing that Stiles would have to transfer schools immediately.

Stiles shakes his head and opens up his locker to gather his things for his next class. When he closes the locker Derek is standing right there like they’re in a horror movie and Stiles jumps so hard that he drops his notebook.

“Shit. Sorry,” Derek says and bends down to swipe Stiles’ notebook off the floor.

“No, it’s okay. You’re awfully quiet for an athlete.”

Stiles holds his hand out for his notebook but Derek doesn’t seem all that interested in returning it to him just yet. Derek looks at the front of his notebook.

“Hmm. AP Stat. Interesting.”

Stiles bites his lip and nods. “Yep,” he says popping the ‘p’. “it is interesting. Well, actually it’s not. AP Stat is yuck sometimes and it can get boring but it’ll look great on my resume so.”

Derek nods. He looks at Stiles for a few more seconds before he opens his mouth, and the second he does, Stiles’ stomach fills with butterflies.

“What is the probability that anyone will pass that fucking class? I’m thinking 1 in 100.”

Stiles bites his lip to stifle his smile. He doesn’t want to cheese like an idiot in front of Derek Hale but he thinks that ship has already sailed cause Derek’s lips stretch into a big smile.

Stiles clears his throat. “I think there is statistical data to back up your theory.”

“Oh, is there?” Derek asks, smile turning into a smirk.

Stiles nods then looks at his notebook that is still in Derek’s hand. “Can I have my notebook now? I’m not sure what exactly you’re plotting but I don’t like it.”

Derek scrunches his face up. “Wow, that was bad.”

Stiles’ mouth gapes. “Like yours were any better.”

Derek shrugs, smile returning to his face. “I thought my mean joke was pretty hilarious.”

“Yeah, hilariously bad. I didn’t laugh at all, not one bit.”

Derek looks like he doesn’t believe a word Stiles just said, which is fair, he shouldn’t.

“So,” Derek begins, eyes boring into Stiles’— seriously, what is up with Derek’s eyes? — “what is the probability that you will give me your number?”

Stiles pretends to think about it for a second. “I'm thinking 100 in 100.”

[blouisparadise]

Upon request, here is a rec list of bottom Louis fics with everyone’s favorite trope - sharing a bed! We hope you enjoy this list. Happy reading!

1) Just Like Live Wires | Explicit | 5427 words

Harry climbs into Louis' bed when he's cold. Louis pines.

2) Been Gone Way Too Long | Explicit | 8836 words

“This can’t be happening,” Louis says, banging his hand against the window. “This seriously can’t be happening right now.”

Things like this only happen in the movies. Things like this don’t happen in real life. There’s no way that he’s seriously been snowed in. There’s no way that the heating is broken. There’s no way that it’s going to take upwards of twenty-four hours and probably a lot longer for the storm to break and someone to come and rescue them.

“Just sit down, Louis,” Harry sighs from somewhere behind him. He sounds miserable, like he’s already feeling the cold.

Louis whirls around and points a finger at him. “Did you plan this?” he demands a little hysterically. He regrets the question as soon as it’s out of his mouth, but he thinks he’s got a valid point. It’s not like this storm just came out of nowhere - it has to have been on the news for a couple of days, at least. Plenty of time for Harry to have canceled this excursion.

3) I'm Trying Not To Make A Sound | Explicit | 10452 words

Louis thinks he could die right there. He can’t feel anything but the tingling sensation all over his skin. He’s throwing away all his past thoughts on trying to be straight and denying his reactions towards other men, he just wants more of this numbing feeling. Everything else is a long lost memory, can’t think of anything else besides, wow, this feels incredible.

4) Enjoy The Ride | Not Rated | 11103 words

The one where Louis, an omega more than tired of being treated as lesser than alphas, is forced on a road trip by his beta besties only to meet Harry who might just be the alpha he never knew he wanted.

5) Cuffed | Not Rated | 15254 words

What would you do if you were handcuffed to your enemy for 48 hours?

6) Up For It | Explicit | 18223 words

The one where Liam is Mr Organised, Zayn is too perceptive for his own good, Niall is a compulsive matchmaker, and Harry and Louis might just have the surprise to shock them all.

7) Holiday Greetings (And Gay Happy Meetings) | Not Rated | 18417 words | Sequel

Note: This fic has no smut, but it has omega Louis. The sequel has smut.

The one where Niall's dead car and and a foot of snow conspire to force Louis into spending time with an alpha he hates.... or does he?

8) The Aurora Zone | Explicit | 19633 words

The one where Harry is busy crossing off his bucket list while Louis is busy falling for the guy he's supposed to hate.

9) I Wanna Be More Than Friends | Not Rated | 20721 words

The one where Harry’s an alpha with no sense of smell, Louis’ an omega who isn’t allowed to scent his best friend, and that’s all they’ll ever be. Obviously.

10) Etched In Salt (Is A Cathedral Of The World) | Explicit | 24417 words

Note: This fic has BH mentions. It is also locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Louis asks for very few things in life, and they are: to solve cases, to keep bad people from doing their bad things, to get good coffee, to go home to a spacious apartment with nobody else in it, and to manage his stupid telempathy powers with minimal interference. And now he's stuck in a tiny cabin in a snowstorm in the middle of god-awful-nowhere with Harry Styles. Because of course he is.

11) Like A Siren In The Night | Explicit | 25868 words

“There is an infestation in my home,” Louis hisses, righting himself quickly and pushing his way past Harry, heading directly for the kitchen. He’s rather haphazardly dressed himself, a coat thrown on over a loose flannel shirt and black pants, slippers on his feet.

Harry resists the urge to sigh, closing the door and trailing behind him slowly. “What kind of infestation?”

For all he knows, Louis is going to claim that there’s a ghost infestation. Harry has no idea what the end game is here – all he knows is that Louis has found at least three complaints a week to bring up since he’s been living on Harry’s property, and he’s been living here for six months.

It’s way too many fucking complaints, is what Harry is saying. Especially when most of them are ridiculous to start with.

12) Always Come Back To You | Explicit | 28682 words

“I’ll do it,” Harry offers brightly. No one even blinks. “I’ll do it?”

Louis sighs irritably. “Shut up,” he orders, tossing a pillow in the general direction of Harry’s face. This is a terrible time for jokes, especially Harry’s lame, old people ones.

Not that it was an old people joke. Just that most of the time Harry’s jokes consist of knock-knocks or terrible puns. The type of jokes old people like, Louis’ pretty sure. His nan always finds them hilarious when Harry tells her one.

Harry bats the pillow out of the air without even blinking. “Be reasonable, Lou,” he says in his most reasonable voice.

Louis is perfectly reasonable, thank you very much, and he’s also frustrated and upset and tired and he really wants to punch something. Maybe he should have held on to that pillow a little longer.

“You’re not gonna fucking do it,” he snaps. “That’s the last thing I need.”

13) We’re Not Who We Used To Be | Explicit | 30611 words

“Harry…” Louis’ voice catches in his throat, thick with tears threatening to fall out, so he coughs to clear it before trying again. “Harry is Liam’s best man?” “You didn’t know?” Harry is standing at the entrance of the garage, mouth slightly open and face pulled together. He sets his bag on the ground and puts his hands on his hips. When he does that, he looks just like the Harry that Louis remembers (and loves, he thinks with an aching heart). “I’m sure I mentioned it,” Liam says, but Louis can tell he’s lying by the way he chews on his lower lip and twists his fingers together. “You’re all a bunch of dick heads, I’m getting in the car.” Louis isn’t sure if he’s being unreasonable. He has no idea what the protocol is when your ex-boyfriend shows up after three years and nobody bothered to give you a heads up. He’s pretty sure he’s allowed to be upset about it, even if it’s only for a bit.

14) Blind From This Sweet, Sweet Craving | Explicit | 31170 words

"So, I guess we'll go?" Louis asks later, when Harry has calmed down and eaten his weight in Chinese food. He plays with this chopsticks, spearing another piece of chicken and pops it in his mouth. "I mean, I wouldn't mind. We could make it an adventure."

Harry observes him, watches him seated across from him on their old living room carpet, with a container of food on his lap. He's fidgeting, avoiding meeting Harry's gaze–he probably knows that Harry's mad at him for ruining the one chance they had to get out of this situation. And he's not wrong, Harry is definitely very mad. Harry wants to strangle him and castrate him and smack him upside the head.

But he's also Harry's best friend, and despite everything, despite all the fuck-ups and the plot twists and everything just not playing out the way it should, he'd still rather be stuck in this situation with Louis than any of the other boys. He's got Harry's back, and in a weird, abstract way, he knows they'll be able to get out of this situation, together.

Harry sighs. "We're going," he says resignedly, his shoulders slumping.

Oh well. There are definitely worse ways to spend the weekend than pretending to be engaged to his best friend.

15) Welcome Back From The Friend Zone | Mature | 32584 words

The one where an idea to create a fake wedding with the sole intent to receive gifts from billionaires took a turn no one, but also everyone, saw coming.

16) Let Me Feel Your Heartbeat | Explicit | 34572 words

Harry is 98% sure Louis hates him. So he feels like his bewilderment is justified when the omega offers to help him through his rut.

17) Close To Nowhere | Explicit | 34589 words

Louis and Harry are psychics who kind of hate each other. They go to Tennessee to investigate a haunting.

18) Playing To Win | Explicit | 36732 words

Big Brother UK alumni Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are selected for the UK vs Australia All Stars series with a massive one million dollar prize in the offing. They’re both fit and smart and would make a great alliance... if only they can stop their feelings from getting in the way.

19) If I Stay | Mature | 37226 words

Harry and Louis agree to a temporary arrangement that Harry can't seem to walk away from no matter how many times he tries.

20) The Space Between | Explicit | 39917 words

Harry Styles is the alpha rockstar who can’t sleep and doesn’t know why.

Louis Tomlinson is the omega PhD student who helps him figure it out.

21) Strangers In Love | Explicit | 42207 words

Louis wakes up to find himself in a marriage with the last man he thought he'd ever end up with.

22) Tangled Up In You | Explicit | 45152 words

Harry blinks once. And blinks again. And says, his voice dangerous: “Niall, did you get me a mail-order bride?”

Because what the actual fuck. It kind of looks like Niall’s just purchased a person. For Harry.

Niall blinks back at him for a few moments, before throwing his head back and howling with laughter. Harry throws a pillow at him. Hard. “No, what the fuck, Harry.”

“A prostitute then?” Harry also doesn't want a prostitute.

“Of course not!”

“A stripper?”

“No!”

Damn, he’s running out of ideas. He settles for launching another pillow at Niall’s head. Niall bats it away easily, still laughing. “Stop!”

“What did you get me, then?!” Niall must hear the tinge of hysteria in his voice, because he’s pulling himself together, trying to stop himself from laughing.

There’s still a big grin on his face, though, when he says, “I got you a professional cuddler.”

A professional…what. “What?”

23) No Going Back | Explicit | 56102 words

Sales reps Harry and Louis are bored with their jobs and their lives. After meeting at a conference in Cardiff they hook up, have a few too many drinks, and jokingly apply to become remote lighthouse keepers. Six months, just the two of them, looking after the southernmost lighthouse off the bottom of Australia. It’s not like their applications will be accepted. Right?

This is the story of how one choice - a left instead of a right, a go instead of a stop, a yes instead of a no - can change the future forever and that sometimes, taking that leap of faith, is worth the risk.

24) Waiting For The Tides To Meet | Explicit | 59873 words

Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.

25) Swallow The Knife | Explicit | 76158 words

“You came,” Louis says, still breathless, clinging to Harry, uncaring that his sweat is getting all over Harry’s presumably clean dad shirt, or that he’s making Harry hold up all of his weight.

“Of course I came,” Harry says. He shifts, one arm curled underneath Louis’ arse, the other spreading wide in the middle of Louis’ back. “If I ignored you every time you pissed me off we would have stopped being friends a long time ago.”

Louis already knows that, of course. It doesn’t do anything to stop the pleased squirm in his belly every time Harry proves it, though. They fight like nobody’s business, both of them too stubborn to pull their punches when they’re arguing, and it used to get them in trouble, but they always make up.

Adrenaline makes Louis loose-lipped, and they both know it. He tightens his arms around Harry’s neck, buries his face in his hair. “I missed you,” he confesses, quiet. “Doesn’t feel the same up there by myself.”

26) Waiting On You | Explicit | 76584 words

“Vampires,” Louis says with disgust, glaring over at the vampire who is noisily slurping from the woman’s neck nearby.

Zayn gives the neat fang marks on Louis’ neck a meaningful look.

“Can’t live with them, can’t live without them,” Louis finishes, ignoring Zayn when he rolls his eyes.

Louis takes a long sip of his milkshake, presses his fingers against the marks on his neck, and definitely doesn’t think about the vampire who left them there.

27) Perfect Storm | Explicit | 80230 words

What do you do when your best friend asks you and your (now) ex to be the best men at his destination wedding? You can either tell him the truth, tell him you’re not together anymore, and deal with the consequences, or you can pretend you’re still together and roll with it, just pray you don’t spiral. Fake it ‘til you make it. You know, for the sake of the wedding.

Harry and Louis choose the latter.

28) Nothing Worsens, Nothing Grows | Mature | 102528 words

Another roadtrip AU featuring Harry as the misunderstood hipster, Louis as the bitter psych major, Liam as the one with the secret boyfriend, and Niall as the one who just wants everyone to be happy.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[clouds-of-wings]

Snow White, the elfvampire-werewolf, and the seven highwaymen

I wrote this like 5 years ago and recently found it again. Don’t read if you object to: rude language, rude characters, butchering of beloved fairytales, murder, dumb and crude humor, Twilight mentions

There was once a young woman whose name was Snow White. Her mother was dead and her father, who was a king, had remarried. His new wife didn’t like Snow White much.

One day, the new queen said to her hunter: “Take Snow White to the forest and kill her.” The hunter didn’t give two shits about Snow White, so he didn’t ask any follow-up questions to that otherwise worrying instruction. “Of course my queen, I will gladly kill everyone you want dead. In fact I love to kill. Hahahaha!” The queen was happy that she always knew the perfect man for the job. She took a bath and the hunter took Snow White to the forest.

When they were in the forest, Snow White said: “I think my stepmother has ordered you to kill me.” “You are so smart,” said the hunter, “and so dead! LOL!” “Please don’t kill me, dear hunter!” “Why not? The queen is my, well, queen. I have to do as she says.” “And I’m your princess! You have to do as I say too!” “But you’re just some little girl, and she scares me!” Snow White sighed. “I guess you do not know my terrible secret. I am an elfvampire-werewolf.” And she transformed herself into a monster. “WOW! HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT?!” yelled the hunter and Snow White bit his head off.

---

A little later, Snow White, in her elfvampire-werewolf form, was trampling through the forest and eating every animal she saw. But when she spotted a little hut, she transformed back into a human. She entered the hut and saw that someone had randomly prepared 7 meals, arranged them on plates, put the plates on the table and left them there to get cold and attract bugs.

Snow White did not see this very suspicious and weird setup as an obvious trap or some kind of otherworld bait bullshit. She merely thought:

“Whoever lives here must be a fucking moron, and in dire need of a housekeeper. And I need a job! So lucky!”

She ate all the food from all the plates, even though it had become cold and was pretty gross and there were ants in it, drank everything liquid she could see, and then passed out in a food coma on the nearest bed.

A few hours later, the seven dwarves who owned the hut came back. They saw that someone had eaten all their food and then found Snow White in one of their beds, which, being made for a much shorter being, had promptly broken under her weight.

“I hate humans so much” said the dwarf who would have to sleep on the floor that night.

---

A month later, Snow White and the dwarves had become friends.

Snow White cooked and cleaned. The dwarves made money robbing people who passed through the forest. Since they always paid their taxes on time and had bribed local law enforcement, they never got in trouble, and if anyone else became suspicious, they pretended to be mine workers, which everyone believed because they were dwarves and ethnic stereotyping wasn’t wrong yet. In the evening, Snow White sometimes took on her elfvampire-werewolf form and the dwarves cheered. All was well.

But back in the castle, the queen was bored.

“Would be awesome if I had friends... oh well. I guess I’ll talk to my mirror, it’s the prettiest object I know.”

She went over to the mirror and said:

“Oh you beautiful mirror who has eyes like coals and lips like cherries and...” and she described her own body with the wildest exaggerated praise. After 10 minutes of this, the mirror had enough and said:

“Lol whut? You look like a dog who has jumped into a bee hive. Snow White is a HOUNDred times prettier than you.” It giggled at its own lame pun.

The queen was furious and wanted to destroy the mirror, but she still saw her own face in it and couldn’t bear hitting something so beautiful. So she decided instead to murder Snow White, whom she now knew to be alive. She wasn’t aware that her stepdaughter was an elfvampire-werewolf.

---

One day soon after this, Snow White was home alone. The dwarves had said something about a local kindergarten being “too well-equipped” and how the children there were “deprived of the character growth that comes from material hardship” and how they were going to “bless the little brats with the working class experience.” Snow White, who didn’t give two shits, or even one really, about children, had nodded and smiled and not listened, until the dwarves had left.

Suddenly someone knocked on the door. Snow White opened and saw her step mother, who wore a cheap white wig and had, without much skill, tried to paint wrinkles on her face with eyeliner. While Snow White still stared incredulously at this undignified display, the queen started speaking.

“Hello young lady! I’m selling girdles. Do you want to buy this beautiful girdle for 847569587698374593 gold coins?” “I don’t have 847569587698374593 gold coins,” said Snow White. “Oh. Okay, well then I will you this cheap ugly girdle for free. Don’t worry about paying me...” said the queen -- she took a girdle from her bag and wrapped it around Snow White’s body -- “...you can pay with your LIFE!” and she pulled the girdle tight in an attempt to murder Snow White. Snow White laughed so much that she passed out.

The queen had never seen an unconscious person. She was convinced that Snow White was dead, and cheered. “HAHAHA! WHO’S A HUNDRED TIMES PRETTIER THAN ME NOW HUH?” “A pitbull?” asked Snow White, who had half awoken from all the yelling, but the queen was still cheering ecstatically and didn’t notice. She laughed some more, urinated on Snow White’s body, and left.

“My father has the worst taste in women,” sighed Snow White.

---

When the queen arrived in her castle, she had to speak to the mirror right away.

“Hey you beautiful mirror! Who’s the prettiest now, huh? Certainly not Snow White, who will be all pale and dead and ivory-like, all goth with her black hair and eerily peaceful dead f... fa... FUCK! She’ll look even better dead than alive! I have to bring her back to life!”

She took her zombie control wand and left in a hurry.

“SHE’S NOT DEAD YOU MORON” the mirror yelled after her, but once again she did not hear.

---

The queen was back at Snow White’s hut and kicked the door in. When she entered the hut, seven dwarves stared at her.

“Good evening, strange old woman who can destroy doors... we, who also like to destroy other people’s belongings, respect and welcome you.” And they bowed to her. But the queen was too used to veneration to care much.

“WHERE IS SNOW WHITE?” yelled the queen.

“She’s in her room,” said a dwarf, who did not find this question, nor its tone, concerning. The queen rushed into the room the dwarf vaguely gestured toward and pointed her zombie control wand at Snow White, who was sleeping.

“I HATE DWARVES THEY ARE SO GAY -- ZOMBIE AWAKEN, DO AS I SAY!”

This was her zombie control spell. It always worked. On dead people at least. However Snow White was very much alive, but so tired from laughing her ass off for hours recreating her earlier encounter with the queen and her shitty-ass girdle again and again, first for her own amusement, then for her friends, that she slept soundly and did not wake up despite the queen’s homophobic, dwarfphobic spell.

The dwarves however had heard the spell loud and clear and the queen suddenly noticed fourteen hands lifting her off the ground.

---

This time, the queen needed a longer time to get home. Her body hurt from being thrown out of the hut, maybe at a higher angle than had been strictly necessary, by the dwarves. But even though she was limping, she was also glad. Her plan had worked. Snow White was a zombie, zombies weren’t known for looking pretty (at least not in the long run), and also she had complete control over her undead servant. She would return to the hut when the dwarves were at work. And when her, the queen’s, bruises had healed.

---

A week later, the queen felt much better. She took her wand and once again made her way to Snow White’s hut. Snow White was working in the garden when she arrived.

“Hello little zombie!” called the queen. Snow White raised her head. Her stepmother, who had tried to kill her twice, who had insulted all her friends with her magic rhyme, and who still wore that terrible wig, was standing at the garden fence holding a big plank with a nail in one end. And she was calling her a zombie.

“Your beauty is meaningless now!” laughed the queen. “You are my slave! My sexy, sexy slave!”

“I will lay a pizza if you touch me.” said Snow White. “But thanks for saying that I’m sexier than you. Epic selfpwnage.”

The queen was shocked to realize that she couldn’t control Snow White and her old murderous impulses came back. Her only thought was: “You kill a zombie by destroying its head.” and she pulled a decorative comb from her cheap-ass wig, ran toward Snow White, embedded the comb deep in her skull and pushed her into the rain barrell where Snow White had prepared stinging nettle slurry for her plants.

---

“That comb sits pretty deep in her head.” said one of the dwarves. “Yes,” said another, “good thing she’s an fairyvampire-werewolf.” “I think I’ll just leave it in,” said Snow White, “looks kinda badass. Also I am NOT a FAIRY, I’m an ELF. Fairies are weak little pussies that only babies care about. And they wear stupid pink dresses! I hate fairies!” “Wow okay.” said one of the dwarves. “Some of my best friends are fairies. This is pretty offensive.” “Pffff hahaha!” laughed Snow White. “You have fairies as friends? How stupid! Only an idiot would have stupid fairies as friends!” “My ex-wife is a fairy,” said another dwarf heatedly, “and she cooks better than you!” “I’ll gladly cook your dumb ex-wife if you like her so much!” laughed Snow White.

The dwarves looked at each other. They wanted to torture Snow White to death, but she was a powerful monster and they knew they couldn’t take her. Also she washed their dirty hats and her food was sometimes okay. They decided not to attack, but if the queen, whom they hated, and Snow White, who was also a bigot, killed each other, they wouldn’t be sad. They wouldn’t intervene on either one’s behalf.

Snow White was still laughing.

“And their stupid little wings! Fairies are really like the dumbest shit-eating flies ever. Ha!”

Humans were just so inherently hateable, thought the dwarf whose bed Snow White had destroyed once more.

---

“Snow White is still alive,” said the mirror before the queen could start on one of her ego-trips again. “I don’t want to hear your self-praise today. Snow White lives, good night.”

---

“She is like the dumbest shit-eating fly ever...” murmured the queen on her throne. “She’s just like an annoying stupid little fly who won’t leave. Or like a mosquito that won’t let me sleep. Like a fairy! God I hate fairies!”

She took a walk in the forest and ate an apple while she ranted to herself about Snow White some more.

“How many times do I have to kill her? Each one of my genius plans has failed! Normally when I kill someone, they stay dead!”

Suddenly, she saw Snow White, who was collecting mushrooms, and she became furious.

“HEY SNOW WHITE!” the queen screamed and Snow White turned around.

“DIE ALREADY YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!” yelled the queen and yote the apple at Snow White’s head. The queen didn’t know that all vampires are allergic to apples because they hate Twilight so much and Twilight has an apple on its cover. When the apple hit Snow White’s forehead, she died immediately and with great pain.

But the queen didn’t know about the apple thing, she didn’t even know that Snow White was a vampire.

“STOP MOCKING ME BY PLAYING DEAD!” yelled the queen and kicked Snow White’s corpse repeatedly. “I KNOW YOU’RE NOT DEAD, IT WOULD BE SO STUPID IF YOU RANDOMLY DIED FROM AN APPLE! GET UP! YOU ARE LAUGHING IN YOUR THOUGHTS I KNOW IT!”

She kept kicking the corpse, but after a few minutes she was out of breath and decided to call it a day.

“You’re not dead, but you will wish you were,” she said to the corpse and angrily returned to her castle, where her mirror informed her of Snow White’s demise and proceeded to tell her about a particularly well-shaped potato that was, in its opinion, also prettier than her. All the mouthy mirror saw after that was two hands, the outer walls of a castle (with motion blur), the rapidly approaching ground, and then nothing.

---

A few days later, the dwarves noticed that no one had taken care of the household.

“Where is that rude vampire werewolf ogre or whatever? I’m hungry.” said one dwarf.

They went to look for her and found her in the forest, dead, a bitten apple next to her.

“Wow.” said a dwarf. “The queen must have found a way to poison apples and make them deadly even for elfvampire-werewolves.”

“Good for her,” said another dwarf, “and for us.”

“And for the fairies.” said a third dwarf. “Especially for the fairies.”

Then they built a glass coffin for her, so that everyone could see how dead she was, and they put up a sign next to it:

“DON’T FUCK WITH FAIRIES. TALK SHIT: GET KILLED!”

---

“Should we drive a stake through Snow White’s heart? You know, because she’s a vampire and all?” “Pff no. She’s dead. Double dead! What’s the worst that could happen?”

---

The worst that could happen was, in this case, a man. Prince Moneypocket from a nearby kingdom was rich, handsome, and even dumber than the other characters in this story. His dog took him for walks. He passed out if he tried to walk and breathe at the same time. His horse had two signs on it that said “front” and “back”, which he found very helpful.

When he found Snow White’s coffin in the forest only a few days after the dwarves had built it, he cast a cursory glance at the sign that talked about fairies, only understood the words “fuck” and “shit”, found this very funny, and decided to take the weird corpse and the hilarious sign with him to his castle so he could laugh about it every day.

His servants had to carry the coffin while he rode on his horse. The servants thought this was fucking BULLSHIT and ““““accidentally”““” dropped the heavy coffin. Now that Snow White’s corpse lay between glittering glass shards, the prince noticed how conventionally attractive she was.

“But she is as beautiful as a fairy!” he blurted out.

This grave insult had such a powerful effect on Snow White’s spirit that it returned from the afterlife, her body came back to life, and she ate the prince and his servants, and the dwarves, and the queen and the useless king who hadn’t helped her, and then she lived in the forest and later she joined a troll commune and they killed people together.

THE END

[kimistorm]

Late Night Shenanigans [Bang Chan x Reader]

Fandom: Stray Kids

Pairing: Bang Chan x GN! Reader

Warnings: None! <20% of this is actually a texting conversation

Summary: You’re a little doubtful of where Chan is taking you for your midnight date, especially since he looks to be taking you into the middle of nowhere, but by the end of the night, you end up with a very special wish.

You ran your hands through your hair in frustration as you looked at your assignment. You had been staring at this darn problem for the past half hour, going to google and desperately searching for something that wasn’t behind a paywall.

Armed with Chan’s answer and excitement for later that night, it wasn’t long until you received another text from your beloved boyfriend letting you know was outside.

You quickly shut off your laptop and grabbed your house keys before heading out to the front door of your home. You silently made your way through the house, straining your eyes to see from the small amount of moonlight peeking through the windows. A hand waved around cautiously in front of you in hopes that it would keep you from smashing into a wall. Once at the door, you felt it safe enough to turn on the flashlight from your phone. Enough to see which pair of shoes was yours. You quietly slipped them on, and eased out the front door as quietly as you could, cringing when the deadbolt clicked as you unlocked and locked it behind you.

Turning around, you saw Chan’s black car stopped in the street in front of your house. You quickly ran across the grass towards him, and pulled open the door to the passenger side, “fancy seeing you here.” You grinned as you slid into the seat, “come here often?”

He paused to think about it, “I’d say so, I have a beautiful significant other who lives in that house.”

“Aww,” you cooed as the two of you gave a quick kiss, “you’re too kind.”

“I see no lies.” He responded smoothly as he pulled on the shifter and released the hand brake to head towards your destination.

“Yeah?” he didn’t see your quirked brow as you admired his profile, “well there’s an even more beautiful man right next to me.”

He scoffed, “no.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Naurrrr.”

“I can do this all night.” You teased when you noticed the annoyance in his voice grow with each comeback.

“Please don’t,” he nearly sighed out, “Jisung kept on texting me awful jokes and puns.”

You let out a mock offended shout, “and he didn’t think to include me?”

“Consider yourself blessed.” He responded as his eyes stayed on the road. While it was quiet, and there were hardly any cars about, he was taking the two of you down a winding path devoid of lights except for the ones coming from his headlights.

“Wait, but I want to hear!” you continued excitedly.

“What do you call a baby computer?”

You tilted your head to the side and thought about it, “minitor?”

“What?” the shock in his voice was clear, “what does that even mean? Like a minotaur?”

“Ah, like a mini-monitor?” you tried to defend your answer, “nevermind that. What was the answer?”

“Data.” Chan deadpanned and it was your turn to be in shock and confusion.

“Data?”

“Da-ta-ta,” he added in a baby voice and you nearly snorted. Mostly from the sound of Chan doing a baby voice, and not really because of the joke. “Come on, it wasn’t that funny.”

“That’s such a Jisung thing,” you smiled as you watched the scenery pass by before turning on your phone to confront said person.

When did that happen? You quickly checked the group chat and scrolled through it a bit to see ‘Seungmo removed Jeekies from the chat.’ Without a second of hesitation, you quickly added Jisung back into the chat.

“Is that the group chat going off?” Chan asked and you took your attention away from the chat to look up at him and the road.

“Yeah, Jisung and I are tagteamming the data joke.” You replied with a smile.

Chan let out a groan, “it’s not a good joke.”

You let out a giggle, “I’ll tell that to Jisung.”

“Believe me, he knows.”

“Do you know why Jisung was proposing to Minho with a squid?” you turned off your phone to refocus on what was happening around you. The area had darkened quite a bit, and by this point you had no idea where you were. You were impressed that Chan seemed to know where he was going, considering how he didn’t even have any navigation system up.

The man in question nearly choked, “proposing with a squid?” he asked incredulously and even glanced towards you in confusion, not that he could make out anything from the darkness.

“Well, an octopus.” You admitted, recognizing the difference between the two.

His laugh blended into his next words, “no. About time though.”

You laughed along with him, “I don’t think Minho liked it that much. Or Seungmin.”

Chan already had a hunch as to what happened and clicked his tongue almost disapprovingly, “did he remove Sungie from the chat?”

“Yuup.”

Chan let out a sigh, “of course he did.”

You laughed at his resignation, “anyways, where we going?”

“You just thought to ask now?” he couldn’t help but laugh at the sudden question, considering how the past few minutes were quiet except for the typing from you and the background music from his spotify playlist.

“I mean, I trust you, so I’m not too concerned.” You hummed and gazed out to the dark expanse surrounding you, “I’d say Area 51 but we’re nowhere close to that.”

“This will be better than aliens,” Chan confirmed with a nod.

You glanced at your phone that lit up again with a picture of an actual squid, Jisung must’ve been running out of octopus pictures, “I think Jisung’s got the alien part covered.”

“Anyways, here we are.” Chan slowed down the car and the dirt crunched beneath the tires as he pulled off to a small clearing by the side of the road. It looked remarkably the same as what the rest of the drive looked like. Dark and empty.

You gave him a confused look that he probably couldn’t see well as he turned off the car, “the middle of nowhere?”

“Exactly.” He told you with a touch of giddy excitement in his voice, “come on!” he nearly jumped out of the car and to the trunk, where he pulled out a blanket and a bag.

You were a bit more skeptical as you slowly got out of the car, “Channie? What are we doing?”

“You said you trusted me?” there was a pout in his voice as he stopped fiddling with trying to lay out the blanket on the hood of his voice.

“Of course I do,” you told him and quickly gave him a hug. You could tell he wasn’t that upset though, judging by the way his voice jumped a couple octaves.

“Hop on,” his voice returned to its normal level as he patted the soft fabric that was laid out on the largest flat surface of his car, “it’s thick enough that the heat from the engine won’t burn.” He added after a moment of hesitation from you. You felt bad for your hesitation and tried to scootch yourself up the hood, “like lay back.” He added as he laid down next to you. You followed his words and what greeted you was a dark sky littered with tiny pinpricks of light.

You felt your jaw drop in awe as you saw an entire collection of stars that you had never seen before. “Oh wow.” You gasped as you tried to soak in the view. It was almost humbling. Each of those tiny pinpricks of white were huge balls of gas light years away. The light that you were currently had traveled the distance of several light years and for several years, now to be witnessed by you and your boyfriend. A warm hand came down to clasp around yours and you eagerly squeezed back.

“It’s my favorite place to stargaze.” He told you softly as you continued to gape up at the sky.

You used your free hand to point at the streak of stars in the sky, the area outside of the streak looking surprisingly empty, “that’s the Milky Way?”

“Yup,” he continued in the same soft tone, enjoying the night atmosphere and you at his side, “that’s literally our galaxy.”

“Looks smaller than I expected,” you laughed and Chan giggled along with you.

“It’s about 50,000 light years across,” he added and gave you a light elbow, “not exactly small.”

“Okay smarty-pants,” you laughed and gave him a slight shove in return. He let out a sound of protest, but let you have the last laugh. You sighed and looked up to the sky again, “do you feel small?”

“From this small glimpse of how vast our universe is?” Chan asked without any hesitation.

You couldn’t help but tear your gaze away from the sky to deadpan at him, “when you put it that way that just makes it seem so much more intimidating.”

He shot you a dimpled smile that you were able to make out as your eyes adjusted, “no.” He scootched over to press himself against your side, “I feel impressed. So many things had to go right. Gravity is the perfect amount that it allows expansion of the Universe, but also brings things close enough together to form atoms. Our planet is the perfect distance away so we’re not scorched or frozen to death. Life evolved from tiny organisms that lived in the ocean to living, bipedal, thinking humans. I exist today. You exist today. And we met, and here we are, gazing at the universe around us. So no, I don’t feel small.” At some point during his ramblings Chan turned his eyes from the twinkling stars shining above to fix you with an adoring look, so it was to your great surprise when you turned and found a pair of eyes looking fondly at you.

“Wait that scares me even more.” You put a hand up to your mouth in slight fear and also to hide the grin as Chan let out an exasperated sound and rolled over so he was on his back again.

“That was insightful!”

“Too deep!” you protested, “it’s midnight, my head’s empty. No thoughts.”

A hand found its way to your head and ruffled at your hair, “lame.” You feebly cried out and tried to fight off his hand but ended up giving up and dealing with it, knowing that nobody was going to see your tousled hair. The hand found itself on the other side of you (effectively bringing the two of you even closer together) and pointed out the brightest star in the sky. “That’s Sirius. Well, technically Sirius A and B since it’s a binary system,” he rambled under his breath, not that you really had any clue what he was talking about, “but we just see it as one point of light.”

“I think you’re brighter than Sirius,” you couldn’t help the cheesy comment as you planted a quick kiss on his cheek.

You could almost see his ears redden and the embarrassed and slightly shocked smile grow on his face as you watched his reaction, “that’s a good one.”

You let out a happy hum and rested your head against his shoulder again, “anything more I should know about Sirius?”

There was a moment of silence before his hand rose back to point at the sky, “it’s part of the Canis Major,” he continued and tried to draw out the shape of the dog with his finger. “Though, not as major as my love for you.” He let out an awkward laugh mixed with a screech and pulled his hand away to cover his face with embarrassment.

“Was that you trying to one up me?” you questioned with a light grin on your face as you propped your head up on a hand as he peered at you past his fingers.

“Maybe?”

You laughed and pressed a kiss to his hands, “nice.” You laid yourself back onto the hood of the car and snuggled up next to him as he continued to point out stars and constellations in the sky while simultaneously giving you more astronomy knowledge than you knew what to do with. It was enjoyable and peaceful as the two of you left your buzzing phones inside the car and there wasn’t a car that passed on the road behind you. The cool night paired with the chirping of insects, Chan’s warm body heat, and the two of you just cuddling up under the stars was your the perfect way to end the week.

“That was a shooting star!” Chan screamed as he pointed up to the sky, you eagerly nodded as you saw the tiny streak of light, “make a wish!” you hummed in agreeance and closed your eyes as you thought about it, but finding it hard as everything you wanted was already right here. “I love you.” He added softly, planting a kiss onto your head.

“Love you too.”

Masterlist

Note: The octopus proposal is a reference to episode 2 of mysterious kitchen! That's literally Han holding that octopus.

[broccoliboix5peepeeman]

hi !!! as a writing request!! could i ask for platonic todokamimina? they’re a chaotic group and i don’t see them nearly as often as i should </3 thank you so much !! :)

Anything for you, friendo!!! <333

Ao3 link

 Green.

 Very green.

 Shoto liked green.

 He leant his elbows against the desk and cupped his cheeks in his hands as he stared across the classroom. Aizawa was wrapping up their final lesson, but Shoto couldn't care less. Instead, he admired the way Midoriya rubbed the back of his head as he frantically scribbled down notes, causing his verdant curls to stick out at odd angles. Shoto wanted to run his hands through them.

 'Pretty.' He murmured to himself.

 'What's pretty?' A head suddenly rested on Shoto's left shoulder. He stilled slightly and turned to find Kaminari's curious face, scanning the room.

 'Besides you, of course!' Another voice added, before another head squished against his right cheek and Shoto seriously considered teaching his classmates about the concept of personal space.

 ‘Ashido. Kaminari. I’d appreciate it if you moved.’ When neither of them seemed to take the hint, he raised his arms and pushed them away with a palm to their cheeks.

 When they shrieked and landed on the floor, Shoto gathered his things and stood up. ‘And if you must know, Midoriya is very pretty. I would’ve thought that much was obvious.’

 ‘Wait wait wait!’ Kaminari exclaimed, grabbing onto Shoto’s leg whilst Ashido scrambled to her feet. ‘You have a crush on Midoriya? Dude!’

 ‘I don’t want to crush Midoriya.’ Shoto raised an eyebrow and shook Kaminari off his leg.

 ‘No, he means you like him!’ Ashido squealed, waving her fists around excitedly, but that just made Shoto even more confused.

 ‘Of course I like Midoriya.’ He frowned slightly. ‘I thought everyone did. He’s incredible.’

 ‘Bro.’ Kaminari smacked his forehead with exasperation, whilst Ashido giggled and moved to pat Shoto on the shoulder.

 ‘Todoroki, sweetie, honey, no.’ She snorted, a wobbly smile on her face. ‘We mean, you like Midoriya in a romantic way.’

 …

 Oh…

 ‘What makes you think that?’ He raised his hand to his chin as he considered her words.

 'You just called him pretty!' Kaminari choked out.

 'And?' Shoto tilted his head to the side. 'It's an objective observation. Anyone with eyes would agree Midoriya is pretty.'

 'Ah-' Kaminari raised a finger to argue, but he faltered with a sigh, clearly defeated. 'You got me there.'

 Shoto closed his eyes and nodded once. It was nice being right.

 ‘Well, how do you feel when Midoriya is around you?’ Ashido asked, trying a different route. ‘When he compliments you.’

 ‘I feel… Fuzzy.’ Shoto frowned, trying to picture his best friend in front of him now.

  ‘Wow! That was amazing, Todoroki-kun!’ A bright smile crossed Midoriya’s face, eyes wide and shining with awe. ‘You really are so cool!’

 ‘I feel… Warm. Not like my quirk, like… On the inside, I feel warm.’ He elaborated. ‘And when he says nice things about me, I feel… Good. I want him to say more nice things.’

 ‘Oh bro.’ Kaminari clasped his hands together and rested his cheek against them. ‘That’s adorable. What makes you think he’s pretty?’

 ‘Everything.’ Shoto answered, a little too quickly. When the two of them looked at him, amused, he quickly cleared his throat. ‘His hair looks really fluffy and I want to touch it to see if it feels as nice as it looks. His freckles are really cute and his eyes are always so kind. He makes me feel comfortable.’

 ‘What about his smokin’ hot body?!’ Kaminari interrupted with a smirk. Ashido elbowed him, but couldn’t hide her own grin.

 ‘I said he’s warm, not hot.’ Shoto pointed out, ignoring their antics. ‘But now that you mention it, his body is incredibly nice to look at... And to touch. When he hugs me, he’s so soft despite all the muscle. And his hands are also very pretty - I want to hold them.’

 He trailed off and was met with silence. When he looked up, he found Kaminari and Ashido looking at him with shocked expressions.

 ‘That’s so adorable, Todoroki!’ Ashido squealed.

 ‘Man, you’ve got it bad, huh?’ Kaminari wiggled his eyebrows. ‘Yeah, you definitely like Midoriya romantically.’

 ‘What?’ Shoto narrowed his eyes. ‘I thought that’s how you were meant to feel about your best friend?’

 ‘Well… Yes.’ Ashido bounced her head side to side in thought. ‘But usually not to that level. Like, do you feel the same way about Iida or Yaomomo?’

 Shoto wrinkled his nose at the thought.

 ‘I like them.’ He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling guilty. ‘But I don’t… When I’m with Midoriya, I feel… Home.’

 ‘Do you want to kiss him?’ Kaminari suddenly asked, completely throwing Shoto off.

  Do I want to kiss him?

 He thought about the question. He thought about Midoriya’s lips, slightly chapped from when he’d sometimes chew on them when he was nervous; the way his mouth would move a mile a minute when muttering about heroes and quirks; the blinding smile that would form when he was happy.

 Kissing him sounds like heaven.

 ‘I… I’m not against the idea.’ He felt a blush dust his cheeks and quickly looked at the floor. ‘Okay, maybe I do like Midoriya romantically, but there’s no way he’d like me back.'

 ‘What makes you say that?’ Ashido quirked an eyebrow, sceptical. 

 ‘Because he could have anyone.’ Shoto had to be careful here. He didn’t want to have to explain why Midoriya was way too good for someone like Shoto, who was broken and scarred. He liked Kaminari and Ashido, but he wasn't quite ready to overshare his past trauma with them.

 That was purely a Midoriya thing.

 He considered his words for a moment. ‘His presence is inspiring. He's like the sun and he cares so much. I'd follow him anywhere. People love him and I'm…'

 He trailed off, unsure of how to finish.

 'Gorgeous?' Ashido offered.

 'No.'

 'Cool - excuse the pun.' Kaminari contributed with a smile.

 'No.'

 'Mysterious?' Ashido exclaimed, confident.

 'Weird.' Shoto finished, lamely.

 The room was silent for a minute, before suddenly,

 'Brooo.' Kaminari looked at him, aghast. 'You're telling me that Midoriya won't want to be with you because you're weird? Midoriya? The same Midoriya who mumbles to himself and makes being weird look incredibly endearing?'

 'Yes.'

 'Oh, honey.' Ashido sighed and patted his shoulder again. 'What my esteemed colleague here is trying to say is… You're both weird, but in different ways. You-' She raised her two index fingers and brought the tips together. '-Complete each other.'

 She batted her eyelids at him and Shoto wondered how he ever got into this conversation in the first place.

 'Right.' He spoke slowly, before grabbing his bag. 'Okay. I'm leaving now.'

 He turned to walk towards the door but was stopped by one pair of arms around his legs and another pair wrapped around his blazer sleeve. The former sent him off balance and he tumbled to the ground, unable to cushion his fall with his ice thanks to Ashido holding his right arm in a vice-like grip.

 'Motherfuck-' His chin smacked the floor, but before he could even process the pain, both of his classmates piled on top of him, muttering a string of apologies that would've been much more appreciated if they weren't simultaneously suffocating him.

 'Wah! Sorry, Todorokiiiii!!!' Ashido exclaimed.

 'Are you okay?!' Kaminari screeched. 'We'll get you together with Midoriya, promise! Will that make you feel better?'

 'Get.' Shoto used every ounce of patience he possessed to keep himself calm. 'The fuck. Off me.'

 Wordlessly, they scrambled off him and he stood, wiping the dust from his uniform. His chin stung and his eyes watered out of reflex, but he maintained his composure. It was nothing Shoto couldn't handle, he'd had worse in the past.

 'Todoroki-'

 'Midoriya doesn't want to be with me.' He interrupted. 'So I'd appreciate it if you dropped the matter.'

 As he made his exit, Shoto didn't notice the yellow sleeping bag poking out from around the teacher's desk. He also didn't notice when the person inside it complained about how he wasn't getting paid enough to listen to this shit.

 😄😐😄

 'What happened to your chin, Todoroki-kun?' Midoriya asked, peering up at Shoto, concern evident in his voice.

 'Tripped over.' He muttered, rubbing the back of his neck and looking off to the side to avoid his friend's blinding gaze.

 He instantly regretted it when his eyes fell on Ashido, grossly kissing the air, whilst Kaminari hugged himself and pouted seductively - whether he succeeded or not was up for debate. Shoto's eyes widened at the sight and he quickly looked back at Midoriya.

  Not today, Satan.

 'It's bruising, Todoroki-kun. Are you sure you're okay?'

 'Erm, yes.' He tried not to blush at the proximity. 'I'm fine, Midoriya-'

 'Stupid Deku!' The loud, obnoxious voice of Bakugou suddenly rang in Shoto's ears. He also noticed how Midoriya seemed to jump three feet into the air at his proclamation. 'Forget about dumb Icyhot! Get the fuck over here now!'

 'C- Coming, Kacchan.' His friend stuttered out, before looking up at Shoto apologetically. 'Sorry about that. I have to go. Promise you're okay?'

 Shoto nodded silently, noticing how Midoriya's smile didn't seem entirely genuine as he made his exit.

  Is he upset?

 Shoto watched him go and allowed himself a moment to consider what it would be like if Midoriya really did like him back. Would he say no to Bakugou in order to spend more time with Shoto? Would they hold hands in the common room? Would Midoriya kiss his chin better?

 He sighed softly at the thought, but was interrupted once more when Kaminari suddenly threw his arm around his shoulder and grinned, as if he hadn't caused Shoto to faceplant the floor not two hours ago.

 'Oh, young love.' He gushed.

 'You've got to use this opportunity!' Ashido punched the air - where had she come from? - and shook him. 'Be the shining knight who saves his love from the dragon!'

 'What the hell are you on about now?' Shoto asked, exhausted.

 'Go rescue your man from Kacchan!' Kaminari scoffed, as if it were obvious.

 'My man?' He raised an eyebrow. 'Midoriya is his own person?'

 'How romantic!' Ashido squealed, linking her arm in his. ‘So noble!’

 Shoto was very confused.

 'No, dude!' Kaminari sounded pained, which Shoto thought was unwarranted. He knew it wasn't a competition, but he also knew for sure that he was definitely in more pain than Kaminari was. 'Midoriya clearly doesn't want to talk to Bakugou, so you should get him to leave him alone. We know how much you love tearing into Kacchan!'

 'Yeah!' Ashido seconded. 'Midoriya can't say no to anyone, so you need to rescue him!'

 'Hm…' Coming to Midoriya's aid was rather tempting, albeit he wished he didn't need to in the first place. 'I don't know what to say though.'

 'We'll help you!'

 Kaminari leant in to whisper in his ear. As he explained his strategy, Shoto nodded along in understanding, and after about 30 seconds, he was ready.

 'Hey, Bakugou!' He called out, causing the blonde to turn and glare at him from across the room. When Midoriya also turned around, Shoto took in his watery eyes and quivering lip, and puffed out his chest, a newfound determination evident on his face.

  Nobody makes Midoriya sad!

 'The fuck do you want, Icyhot?' Bakugou barked.

 Shoto maintained a cool demeanor and recited the first thing Kaminari had told him.

 'You have your entire life to be a piece of shit. Why not take a day off for once?'

 The room went silent, save for Ashido's muffled giggles.

 'HAH?!' Bakugou exclaimed. 'The fuck did you just say to me?'

 'I said I just wanted to tell you…' Kaminari muttered something else in his ear and Shoto nodded. 'You bring everyone so much joy!'

 Even Midoriya tilted his head to the side at that, but he didn't look like he was about to cry anymore, which was progress.

 Bakugou smirked and crossed his arms.

 'That's what I thought you'd said-'

 'I'm sorry, I wasn't finished.' Shoto held a hand out to stop him. 'I was gonna say, you bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room. Maybe you should try it?'

 Bakugou's eye twitched, while Midoriya let out a quiet snigger.

 Shoto felt blessed.

 'Who the fuck do you think you're talking to, you bastard?!'

 Ashido quickly covered his back.

 ‘I'm talking to the human version of period cramps.' Shoto echoed her words. 'That's not something one forgets easily.'

 Midoriya bit his lip to hide a laugh and Shoto allowed himself to become momentarily distracted by the action, the corner of his lip twitching upwards. He didn't even realise Bakugou was storming towards him, until Ashido shoved him away from an explosion.

 He collided with Kaminari, who grasped him by the shoulders and muttered something else, before pushing Shoto away to give him a head start. He raced across the common room and stood behind the sofa. When Bakugou tried to run around it to grab him, Shoto merely sprinted the opposite way, until both of them were stuck, waiting for the other to make a move.

 Of course, Shoto decided this was the perfect opportunity to recite what Kaminari had told him.

 'I love what you've done with your hair, Bakugou. How did you make it come out of your nostrils like that?' He raised an eyebrow and turned to Kaminari. 'But he doesn't have hair coming out of this-'

 'ENOUGH!'

 Bakugou let out a roar as he leapt over the sofa. Shoto quickly dodged his attack and raced towards Midoriya. He grabbed his friend’s hand and pulled him along with him as he escaped the common room and dashed up the stairs, two at a time, a raging Bakugou in tow…

 Until two pairs of hands suddenly grabbed onto the blonde and dragged him back.

 When Shoto turned around to thank his saviours, he found Kaminari and Ashido restraining Bakugou. With a grateful nod, he saluted his friends for their sacrifice and dragged Midoriya towards his room.

 Once the door locked behind them, he panted for breath, not realising he was still holding Midoriya's hand until he felt a soft squeeze.

 'Thank you for that.' His friend spoke softly. 'Kacchan's really mad though. You might wanna go into witness protection after that little stunt.'

 'I can handle him.'

 'I know you can. I was joking.'

 'Hm.' Shoto smiled slightly when Midoriya giggled, but it was quickly followed by an awkward silence, save the rapid beating of his heart and the deep, shaky breaths he took from the previous excursion. He wanted to say something more meaningful, tell him that he'd gladly enrage Bakugou again if it meant he’d leave Midoriya alone.

 'Y- You can let go now, Todoroki-kun.' Shoto startled and finally turned away from the door to regard his friend, who stared right back at him, both nervous and amused.

 Shoto swallowed heavily and thought about what Ashido and Kaminari told him.

 ‘You're both weird, but in different ways. You complete each other.'

 ‘Do you want to kiss him?’

 He took the plunge.

 'What… What if I don't want to let go?' He tried not to look away when Midoriya's eyes widened in response. 'What if… I want to find more excuses to hold your hand?'

 'Oh, Todoroki-kun.' Midoriya smiled sadly at him and Shoto felt his heart begin to shatter. However, before he could unleash hell on Ashido and Kaminari for mentally talking him into this, Midoriya reached forward and took his other hand in his.

 A calloused thumb rubbed circles against his skin. 'You never need an excuse to hold my hands, I promise.'

 When realisation hit Shoto, Midoriya's smile brightened and he suddenly felt himself being enveloped into a tight hug.

 😄😐😄

 The next day, Shoto and Midoriya walked into class fifteen minutes early, hands intertwined and leaning against each other.

 Fourteen minutes later, Kaminari and Ashido stumbled through the door to find some gifts on their desks: some hamburgers and a large bowl of natto, respectively. When they scanned the room for the source of this kindness, they made eye contact with Shoto, who flashed them a thumbs up and smiled.

 He may be a man of few words, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t appreciate his friends helping him.

[tsuki-sennin]

Episode 9, let's... go, but a bit less enthusiastically:

Spoilers, I guess...

-Buu-san, if you turn out to be evil too, I'm gonna cry :(

-C'mon, Mama, your son has been replaced with a TikTok soft boy who looks like he talks about psychic vampires and Hogwarts shifting, you can drop the brave front a little. But yeah, let's go bring our brother home!

-OH GODDAMMIT NOT SAKURA TOO

-Wait, haven't I been campaigning all this time about how I want her to have more relevance. ...what have I done? I'm a monster.

-Olteca: I know we tried to kill steal yesterday and you did basically all the work to making Ikki Igarashi vulnerable, but please use these stamps to get more sacrifices for Gifu-sama.

Kagerou: Okay, bitch.

Olteca: >:O

-Wow, swindling old women out of their cash by pretending to be family members? Yeah, go ahead Kagerou, these guys deserve it.

-Oooooooh, Gaim Time! Hell yes.

-Brachiosaurs don't... really seem like they'd be all that threatening, but herbivores are very terrifying creatures. Hippos kill more people each year than sharks. Granted, pretty much every aggressive animal has a higher body count than sharks, but y'know.

-Karizaki you son of a bitch.

-Oh boooooooooooo!

-These puns make me feel like I'm Daijing inside.

-What a cool guy, letting his friend handle things with his brother! #NiceVice

-For the love of Fruit Jesus as represented by the Mantis Vistamp, don't let this man be an influencer.

-So like... does the Osutoderuhammer50 know what it's stamping or does it cycle through them? As a toy, I mean. I'll have to research that later.

-On Stage!

-OH COOOOOL HE HAS A SONIC ARROW! Or at least, a Sonic Arrow equivalent. Bow weapons in Kamen Rider tend to rank among my favorites, so I love seeing more of them.

-Another really funny looking Remix. That's funny.

-There's a lot of teasing with Sakura this episode. I hope it actually leads somewhere, because I love being proved wrong.

-Y'know, Dai-chan can sort out his own desires, he's a big boy.

-I'm guessing "Go Tamaki" dropped out due to unforeseen circumstances.

-Shout-outs to Hiromi this episode, he's been so supportive and helpful despite Karizaki and Wakabayashi's best efforts.

-Three of them!

-A Mole? Amazon reference? :o

-For all of Kagerou's edge, he really seems pissed that Dai-chan's jealousy made him come out in the first place. I mean, it'd be a pretty lame way to be born on its own, but if I saw that my older brother got to transform into a T-rex and have his ass eaten at the same time and my TwoSiDriver says goddamn Eeny Meany Miney Moe, I'd be that way too. No, I am not gonna let that go.

-Ooooooh, new Rider debut next episode. ...or, rather, the TwoSi, of the TwoSiDriver. Can't wait to see it in action!

[chillpills320]

Bathtime || Why Don’t We

You don’t always take baths because it’s a waste of water, but on stressful days you run it with bubbles and enjoy your solitary time chilling in the bathtub. Sometimes your boyfriend would come in as well, but you can’t say that you’re upset about your disrupted solitary because you absolutely love his company.

Daniel Seavey 

“Hi baby,” Daniel said as he entered the bathroom and gave u a peck on the cheek. “How’s your day? Not very well?”

You nodded sadly, sinking lower into the tub of water. “Ugh i just need to relax so bad.”

Daniel smiled. “I know just the cure for you,” he said and left the bathroom.

You closed your eyes, but when you opened them you saw that Daniel brought your favorite chocolates.

You eyes lit up at your favorite brand of chocolate as Daniel unwrapped one and popped it in your mouth.

“Mmmmm,” you moaned in satisfaction as the chocolate melted on your tongue.

Daniel sat down on the tiles next to the bathtub and ate the chocolate as well.

“Feeling better?” Daniel asked.

You smiled. “God, how do you always know how to cheer me up...”

Daniel chuckled, then told you about his day. And as you listened to his voice, your worries slowly melted away from your mind.

Jack Avery 

“Aw baby, hard day?” Jack asked when he saw you in a bubble bath, your eyes closed as you relax. You fluttered your eyes open and gave your boyfriend a tired smile and nodded.

“In that caseee, how does some music and wine sound to you?” Jack proposed.

“Aw that would be perfect, babe,” you smiled.

Jack kissed your forehead and left the bathroom but came back with a guitar and two glasses of wine. He handed you one and sat on the toilet seat opposite from the bathtub.

He smiled at you as he ruffled his curls so they don’t block his vision. His fingers plucked the guitar strings as he sang in his heavenly voice,

I'm in too deep

Can't touch the bottom with my feet

Don't know what you did to me, I can't breathe but I'm living

I'm in too deep

Can't touch the bottom with my feet

Don't know what you did to me, I can't breathe but I'm living

Being so entralled in his voice, you didn’t even realize you were crying until you feel your cheeks get wet with your tears, but you were smiling just as hard.

“Jack...” you murmured when he finshed the note. “You’re gonna be the death of me. That was beautiful...”

Jack smiled, his eyes glittering like a million stars. That’s how you know how much he appreciates your praise. You took a sip of the wine.

“But not nearly as beautiful as you..” your boyfriend replied, winking, causing you to choke on the wine.

You coughed with your cheeks flushed, then laughed and sloshed some water at Jack.

Jonah Marais

“There you are,” Jonah said after he spotted you in the bathtub. “I’ve been looking for you, babe.”

You smiled, your worries instantly melting away when you saw your boyfriend.

“You know, I really need my babygirl to melt my stress away too,” Jonah sighed.

“Join me,” you invited.

“Really? Isn’t it your solitary time though?” Jonah asked skeptically. If you wanted alone time he was going to respect your wishes.

“Well, solitary time is still better with you,” you winked.

Jonah wasted no time after getting your approval. He slowly sank himself into the bubble bath and pulled your frame into his broad chest, kissing the crown of your head.

His big hands roamed your body and settled on massaging your shoulders. You sighed and melted into his hands.

“Better?” Jonah murmured.

“Much,” you replied, closing your eyes and smiling.

As he massaged a particularly tight spot on your back, you hissed and moaned, the feeling of your muscles loosening up being heavenly.

You can feel Jonah tense up behind you so you turned around and saw how red his cheeks are flushed.

“If you’re gonna keep on moaning, I’m going to have a boner that you need to take care of...” he mumbled in your ear.

You laughed as you blushed furiously and playfully shoved him back.

Zach Herron

“Hey babe,” Zach said as he entered the bathroom.

“Hey...” you mumbled, too tired even smile at your boyfriend.

“Aw babe, can I do anything for you?” Zach crouched down and smoothed out your hair.

“Mmmm dunno,” you said. “But stay here please.”

Zach chuckled and sat on the floor.

“Hey, wanna hear a joke about paper?” he asked.

“What?”

“Never mind, it’s tearable,” he said, laughing, causing you to smile back a bit.

“Wait, wait, I have another one,” he said as he composed himself. “How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?”

“Ummm, eight?” you guessed.

“No, it’s ten-tickles!” Zach said. You laughed at his lame puns.

“There’s the beautiful smile,” Zach continued, making you blush, your terrible day instantly becoming better because of Zach.

“You’re so lameee, Herron,” you half complained, hitting his chest.

Zach smirked. “I know, but you love me for it.”

Corbyn Besson

“Corbynnnn,” you called from the bathroom.

“Yeah?” he answered, his head popping in.

“Join me,” you smiled, pointing at the bubble bath you’re currently running.

“My pleasure baby,” he smirked, then basically jumped into the bath, causing a lot of water to slosh out. You shrieked as the water hit your skin.

You smiled and shook your head at how childish Corbyn is being, but you can’t deny that it tugs your heartstring more.

Gingerly, you stepped into the hot bath and sank your body in it.

“Ahhh,” you sighed, a lazy smile on your face. “So this is what luxury feels like.”

Corbyn smirked. “That tired huh?”

Corbyn waddled to your side and put his arm across your shoulder, having you lean into his chest. Then your boyfriend proceeded to scoop a handful of bubbles and dumped it on your head.

“Mmmm, what are you doing...” you mumbled.

“I’m making a crown for the best girlfriend in the world,” Corbyn replied.

You chuckled, your heart warm. “But it looks nothing like a crown,” you teased.

Corbyn faked a gasp. “Use some imagination!”

“All right, all right,” you said. “But a queen gotta put down her crown for a while,” you said as you transferred the bubbles on your head to Corbyn’s. “And give it to a King like you...”

“Wow, didn’t know you’re that smooth,” Corbyn replied smiling, his cheeks tinted pink.

~~~

Hey hope you liked this imagine :)

[brazenautomaton]

Fixing Afterlives: Bastion, Pt. 1

As it is, Bastion doesn’t work. The Forsworn don’t just have a point, they are obviously, objectively correct. Kyrian discard all their memories and attachments in a way that is horrifying, in order to perform a job that a robot could do, in order to aspire to be something lame and boring. There is nothing cool about what they do and nothing good either; every single time they tell you about what they do it’s supposed to make you sad, not proud. A little of that is fine, it’s Death. But come on. The anima diverter daily for Bastion is a test where you judge if souls should pass on or not, and on WoWHead, the adequate summary of the right answers is “If one of the answers seems more evil or horrible, that’s the one you pick.”

In fact, Bastion can’t work as it is right now, because of Maldraxxus. The Maldraxxi are the defenders of the Shadowlands, right? So all the courage and martial prowess and avenging angel-ness Bastion wants to have cannot be what they are About, the presentation wants them to be glorious and valorous warriors but they don’t have to fight anyone. And the presentation wants them to be wise and impartial but their job requires no discretion, they’re ghost UPS. They can’t be About anything cool, and to be wise and impartial, they can’t be DOING anything at all!

So here’s the fix to their concept: Maldraxxus is the afterlife of warriors, the endless skeleton war, the unending conflict where there are always an infinite supply of fighters willing to leap to the defense of the Shadowlands. Maldraxxus is the Shadowlands’ defensive team. Bastion is the offense.

Bastion does not engage in army-against-army conflict, they have individual heroes. And they are out there in the mortal world, invisibly, serving as guardian angels, inspiring as muses, fighting invisible forces, tipping the scales of Fate to have the right outcomes. Fighting extra-dimensional beasts who prey on the mortal realm to invisibly protect them, fighting down incarnate ideas of malice and ruin, but also influencing things directly or by subconscious example. Every Spirit Healer is from Bastion and they are the ones who decided “your time is not yet up”. When we get really lucky to allow ourselves to triumph over the Legion or the Scourge, it’s because Bastion was ensuring it happened, fighting for us. Bastion is supposed to be affecting things out there, making things turn out Right, instead of being powerless observers. They are the muses of artists and the muses of battle. They inspire. They lead, invisibly.

That’s why they need to be wise and free of bias -- you cannot favor one side of mortals over the other. Mortal beings need to beat the Scourge, but the Horde does not need to triumph over the Alliance and vice versa. Your job is not to punish mortals for being bad, you damn well need to be boosting both sides when there are champions and the valorous in both. You cannot go out there and say “these Orcs up here in Redridge are all evil and shit and the Alliance deserves the win so I’m just gonna go all in on defending them,” that’s not how it works, you reward individual valorous efforts on both sides. How Fate Should Go does not include taking sides in purely mortal conflicts.

So obviously you cannot be biased. You are something Beyond the mortal realm which means you can’t take sides. You actually do have to discard these attachments, and while we’re here, we need to actually make that process empowering. Right now all it does is show you “hey, happy memories, well, fuck you, gotta get rid of them.” Make more than zero effort to make this make sense. Show the aspirant in pain and yearning because of those memories and the fact they can’t come back. Don’t make them forget who they were, make them become at peace and move on.

Now obviously that won’t be convincing to everyone. And that’s fine. It just means there’s some ambiguity instead of the Forsworn being obviously right about everything.

There are four races/types in Bastion: Kyrian, Forsworn Kyrian, Stewards, and Constructs. Only two are represented in Soulbinds: you have two Kyrian and a Steward. 

Kyrian are the expression of what Bastion IS, so we already covered their changes.

Constructs are anima robots. Why are there anima robots here? It’s really bad in the current version because the Kyrian job can be done by a robot so why not just make them do it? Instead, we take that idea and we make it About something: these machines aren’t Constructs, they are Principles. A Principle is a robot made of rules and ideals, the things that are thought by mortals but bigger than any mortal. Codes of honor and ideas that work beyond any of us as individuals. There, that’s it, that change of presentation is all you need to do to justify why robots are there. The changes to Bastion’s fundamentals are what makes them fit in.

Stewards are creepy. Really creepy. They serve the same role as dredgers, but the fact that dredgers bitch and moan and complain all the time lets us see them as individuals with goals and not creepy brainwashed victims. A dredger isn’t a slave, they are a worker; but work sucks and they wanna be at the pub. A steward, with one exception (Forgelite Prime Mikanikos who is busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest and also by far the best Bastion character) appears to have no personality and is a brainwashed slave. 

So, first off, make it clearer that they are helpful because they are The Desire To Aid, that’s the thing they’re About. With the way they speak and act, I think what they are supposed to be in story terms is lightly comic relief, also similar in role to Dredgers but with opposite implementation. The creepiness and one-dimensionality make this fail, all their hoots and hoos and silly talk isn’t funny. They need to be cheesier. They need to be 90’s Saturday morning cartoon sidekicks. They need to be a (much) less obnoxious version of Snarf.

They need to tell awful, awful dad jokes. Just the worst. The kind that are so bad they loop back around to funny again but you’re still groaning and they’re just there like “Eh? Eh? Geddit? Geddit?” By doing something that is helpful, that we recognize as an attempt to help and that some Steward characters can explicate to us really does help (it dampens anger and fear because all of your negative emotions are refocused to that HORRIBLE pun), but that clearly NOBODY would brainwash them into doing, now we can trust their helpful efforts are borne of sincere desire and carried out to the best of their ability by their own personal interpretation.

Forsworn Kyrian, right now, are only antagonists. The ideological change of giving up on the law of Bastion makes you turn a darker indigo color scheme (which is actually really good because these are creatures of Beyond, creatures who are on a fundamental physical level About something, their beliefs changing their physical makeup makes sense!) and then become a bad guy. Forsworn are all only antagonists. We’re going to change that. Kleia is going to become Forsworn. And still be a heroic character and your Soulbind, even though this isn’t a game balance thing and so Pelagos will still probably outclass her in every way seriously that Mastery buff is fucking bananas for anyone who cares about Mastery.

Not when you meet her, though. The existing storyline of Bastion is you go there because “hey what the fuck are these Kyrian doing in the Maw serving the Jailer” but in Bastion itself nothing much is happening other than kicking pebbles down the street. You get the intro from Kleia, you go see some very low-importance things, then the Forsworn attack for the first time, and you spend the rest of the zone quest on hold with the Archon’s hotline to tell her “hey there are Forsworn this is a problem”.

Now, when you get there to ask “hey what the fuck”, Kleia is still not doing much more than kicking pebbles down the street, bored off her ass, extremely enthusiastic about someone new so she can DO something. But the Forsworn conflict already exists: it’s just not relevant to her because she stays out of it, figures that it’s above her pay grade, and she hangs out at the Welcome Center which nobody gives a shit about because there’s nobody to get welcomed so it isn’t relevant. She just knows there’s been some discussions. 

We get the anima drought reinforced the first time we enter Bastion because we have to power down the other cores to get enough juice for the greeting machine, but then it isn’t really a good way to sell it because that’s the kind of thing we do all the time even when there’s no shortages of anything, that’s how WoW PCs interact with machines. So we have the player scrounge up anima from the other Principles to power up the greeting machine, and it’s not enough, it runs out of juice halfway through, and Kleia gets embarrassed and tries to finish the rest of the process by reciting it from memory (and not getting it all quite right, which is another chance to show us things about her).

Kleia is excited to have someone to run through the orientation process, and she explains that FIRST there was an anima drought, and then as if that wasn’t bad enough, THEN the Arbiter got conked out and the flow of souls to Bastion stopped. This is important, because in the story as is, the anima drought appears to be completely explained by the flow of souls all going to the Maw, since they are presented at the same time and the flow of souls is the flow of anima. When you find out the drought is because of ol’ Denny hoarding it, you go “wait how does he have any to hoard when it all goes to the Maw?”

So for right now you need to walk the Aspirant’s path to get an audience with the Archon because right now things don’t seem desperate and urgent. You go to Aspirant’s Rest and get the flight point, and you go to meet Kleia’s soulbind, Pelagos. Two things need to change right here.

One: something more needs to be happening here than “Pelagos was a dipshit and tried ascending alone despite that being not how it works at all, go in there and fight the monsters,” so do something instead of almost-nothing.

Two: Loath as I am to say something actually needs less representation compared to its original, Pelagos can’t be transgender. You find out later on, in the Kyrian covenant quest line maybe? That Pelagos’s mortal body was a woman, but his true spirit is a man. That’s great, that’s something that should come up. The problem is, Pelagos is also the fuck-up, the one we see fail all the time so he can (ostensibly) show resolve and get back up again. But Blizz didn’t show barely any details about Pelagos’s life for fear of backlash -- we don’t even know who played him -- and whether or not it is valid or invalid or that was a cover to avoid admitting this was to not offend China, Blizzard still won’t DO it. So we have this character who is battling this doubt and failure in his past but we’re not allowed to know what they are. Pelagos is cisgender so we can go into detail about what he fucked up. Kleia might be trans instead (why she is so gung-ho about Ascension), or we can have Kleia sell the Ascension process as good by mentioning that the Paragon of Wisdom, Thenios, was born a woman in life but Ascension made him into a true ideal. This can also justify a bit more screen time for Thenios and then something for Tim Russ to do. He was already Tuvok, he doesn’t need more humiliation. But whoever it is, their gender only comes up once and never again because now they’re the right way around and the former body doesn’t matter.

So what’s happening at Aspirant’s Rest? It’s a holding pen for souls. See, as it is now, you find out about the flow of souls into the Maw right away, but then all the way through the main quest and into the Kyrian campaign quest they apparently don’t know, and you don’t tell them, and then it’s a surprise when you finish the quest where you follow the guy in Redridge and have to take him to the Maw, and that’s dumb, they should know, you should have told them.

So now the Kyrian know that everyone is default-judged to the Maw. And they know this is what has to happen, this is the machinery of fate that drives the universe, but they are compassionate and know these souls do not deserve it. So they’re scamming as much as they can. Whenever possible (which they lament is not often enough, not nearly often enough), they find some loophole or corner case to count someone as not ready to be judged, and stick them somewhere in Bastion so they can wait until the Arbiter’s awake again to judge them. They can’t do much, but they can do a little, so they do that.

This guy, okay, you died, BUT, there’s a necromancer just two zones over, and your body is still intact since I dragged it to safety, and, I mean, he’s PROBABLY going to call back your soul and bind it to your body in service, so there’s no point in having you judged, you’re just coming back, right? And you, Night Elf! Okay, you got your head blown off, but, remember that angelic voice shouting “NIGHTELVESEVOLVEDFROMTROLLS!” a moment before your demise? And you know, Trolls who worship Bwonsamdi go straight to De Otha Side without being judged. Maybe you would have wanted to pledge yourself to older gods, but you never got the chance to make that decision, so, hey, you know, it would only be right to let you make that choice before you are given your judgment! And you, guy, did you know that all those patrons from the Slaughtered Lamb across the street who came into your business were warlocks? Yup, all of them, and they didn’t wash their hands either. Fel contamination. Can’t, ooh, you know, hey, might be a demonic stain on your soul, demons don’t have an afterlife like us, gotta be reborn in the Twisting Nether! Going to have to consult some demons to figure out where you go. Better wait here.

Aspirant’s Rest and the temple beneath are a soul refugee camp, and the souls within are scared and angry and don’t know what is going on and the Kyrian can’t explain it or they will all completely flip out. The Kyrian are trying as hard as they can in the limitations they have and this sells it. 

Pelagos is down there. The risk is not that he will be killed -- he is not mortal, he does not die -- the risk is that his well-meaning attempts to keep things calm might ignite the powder keg down there. And those souls can’t die but they WILL go directly to the Maw if fatally injured, which is why they have to be kept penned where Larion won’t eat them and Principles won’t drag them off. Pelagos fucks up here and you have to fix it but it’s not a suicidally stupid error while doing something that has no relevance to the player, it’s an understandable mistake biting off more than he can chew while doing something the player understands. Player, Kleia, and Pelagos go down to Aspirant’s Crucible to get certified as an Aspirant and get in line to talk to the Archon. 

In the existing story, you go and peer into a memory flame thing and have echoes of your heroic battles drawn forth, and you fight them while a character narrates your heroic deeds. They might be based on what expansions you played in, or might be random? Anyway, in this case, you gaze into the flame of memory, she starts to narrate your heroism, and… nothing. “Ah, there are supposed to be visions conjured here, so you can display your valor against them once again. It… it doesn’t… hang on, I might know what the problem is…”

A voice comes. “Then how about you display your valor against me, champion? A little sparring wouldn’t hurt, and I’m eager to see what you can do.”

It’s Uther, hell yes it’s Uther.