Eurovision 2024: #06 & #05
06. SWEDEN
Loreen - "Tattoo"
1st place
Decade Ranking: 19/116
[above Halo, below Adrenalina]
Alright, fine, we've arrived at Loreen. There are plenty of conflicting emotions swirling around in my head, but overall, yeah, you know how I feel about her. It hasn't changed. She's very good, but I'm not obsessed with her. This is where those entries rank.
Let's tackle the elephant in the room: Tattoo is a good song and a boring, uninspiring winner. The two aren't mutually exclusive. Loreen's victory was determined the second she won Melfest, by default. It was unsatisfactory for two reasons:
(1) The moment Loreen was picked the casuals that remembered "Euphoria" immediately started praising her while ignoring everyone else, and this of course snowballed into the biggest jury coronation since Salvador. Lol that the same casuals that were obsessed with Tattoo preshow became upset when she beat Käärijä. What else did you think was going to happen? it was YOU who kept touting her as the best without giving as much as dismissive look at her competition, of course the Eye of Sauron was fixated on her and no one else.
(2) Käärijä. For better or for worse, this year will be remembered as the year Cha Cha Cha was robbed by the juries for the sake of Sweden. Käärijä was not without his own set of problems which directly led to his demise (which we'll tackle when we get to him because this post is about Loreen), but he WAS the year and it was his loss specifically that left a bad aftertaste in many mouths. It's always better when the underdog beats the overdog, and not the other way around.
Once the dust settled, everyone pledged fealty to the crazyparty Fin while "Tattoo" was quickly replaced as the basic gay anthem by "Padam Padam".
However, neither of those things are particularly Loreen's fault?
What I can ascertain is that Tattoo is not Euphoria, obviously. A lot of the love for Tattoo was spillover Euphoria nostalgia. That's fine, but I meant their thematic differences went understated - Euphoria was an ode to the eternity of love, while Tattoo specifically is about the love fracturing apart and Loreen's inabilty to move on - in other words "Euphoria" was a victory, while "Tattoo" always felt like more of a defeat. It's a subtle difference, but one that should always lead to Euphoria being ranked AHEAD of Tattoo, jesus christ ESC250 voters.
However, this is still Loreen, and a lesser Loreen is still lowkey epic. Eventhough "Tattoo" is probably the least good Loreen song, (technically because it's a Cazzi Opeia song with a Loreen sound - "You're stuck on me like a tatoo-oo-oo that is a Cazzi hook if ever there was), it is still a good song. Loreen proved although she's now at an age where her memory is starting to fail her, forgetting essentials such as clipping her fingernails and paying her taxes, she still has the attitude and flat stomach of a cougar ready to pounce. All credits for Tattoo's successes belong to her, SJB and no one else.
And, not unimportantly in a audio-visual medium such as Eurovision, Tattoo also looked really good on the stage. It had A Vision, which is what every winner needs nowadays. Again, the staging is great but also... not that grat lol - it's not the best staging ever. It's not better than Euphoria's or even Vesna's that we'll talk about later. Nevertheless, the song was beautifully framed under the confined space of that impromptu photocopier and Loreen's choreography. The staging was dynamic, artistic and gave the impression real stakes were involved. It Understood The Assignment. It made the song *pop*.
I specifically really LOVE the wide shot during the bridge that really anchors the devastation and desolation she sings about.
It's one of those money shots linger in your mind after the song has ended.
So overall, yeah, Loreen is not my winner or even a top fiver for me, but oh well, whatever? She was a dull winner compared to Käärijä but not an undeserving one. She's still a solid eight-and-a-half out of ten. She alone provided the triple threat of Good composition, Stunning Act and Killer Execution, so ofc juries flocked to her if they're instructed to assess the overal package. If you still think they robbed Käärijä (they did not.) remember that Loreen was solidly second in nearly every televote behind him. If he were destined to always lose Eurovision 2023 like I now believe he was, it's definitely only Loreen who should have taken the W here.
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05. AUSTRALIA
Voyager - "Promise"
9th place
Decade Ranking: 17/116
[Above Adrenalina, below Manizha]
Sometimes the reason is "I like music." Many were surprised Voyager came top 10, but not I. To repeat a common question one final time:
HAVE YOU HEARD THE SONG?!?
Well-executed ProgMetal, at Eurovision! By a charismatic lead! Of course it was going to get a good chunk of jury votes from a group of people that know more music beyond what gets radio airplay. As Danny sings, if you haven't done anything like this before, you haven't been alive, sillies!
Going into the contest though, I wasn't fully sure Australia would grab the top 10 I envisioned for them. Like sure, I saw the vision. But my predictions come from Antwerp, not Delphi and the visions I see don't always come to pass. Voyager were hit the hardest by the fandom's latent misandry for daring to be men (+ Simone). Then again, if the fandom got their way, "Padam Padam" would win every year (lol can you imagine what a nightmare that meta would be? especially because "Padam Padam" isn't even that good to begin with) and not songs that are effectively Synthwave with Metal instrumentation. This is a combo that leads to immersive moodpieces, and not the high energy spikes you might expect from metal.
But what this blog if not for its appreciation for moodpieces and what was "Promise" if not A Mood immortalized by Voyager into An Experience. Danny playing the keytar on the bonnet of his delorean, or nearly choking on a chicken sandwich while getting 12 Portuguese points, THOSE are MY little joys in life.
Everything on stage suits a wholesome song about ~promising your loved ones you're in this life's adventure together, ride or die~, which as a message hits home even harder since Danny's cancer diagonosis (not like this affected their placement here - Australia were coming 5th on this ranking since the beginning).
And let's be honest, "Promise" is a just really good song that doesn't need frills or embellishments, but it got those anyway with everyone's fun adlibs.
It's like S10 or MARO, not the flashiest entry nor the most iconic staging, but never the less, the personality came through well enough to merit revisitations when I have a craving for it. Besides, we need a diverse array of genres at Eurovision, to ensure the bar remains high and we don't get a year full of Liars and Firefighters. "Promise" defo fit that bill well. It was good to have A Real Song into the mix, and one that was very deservedly was rewarded with a top ten placement.
If you think that a bad result, then that's fine. I agree with you, but mostly because I think Australia should have come top five and were robbed by the televote. 🙂
THE RANKING
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Have you ever done anything like this before?
Have you ever done anything like this before?
If you've never done anything like this before--
Dear Voyager. You need to work on your self-confidence! This song is on my "Eurovision faves"-playlist like 6 times. Or more. Tbh I lost count, I just accepted that I'm obsessed and added it over and over again.
So yes, I have done something like this before. You're pretty much playing on a loop. And I am coming right back for more!
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I gave Lucy and Ham a design update! Originally I only wanted to do Ham but Lucy barged into the room and no one can make her leave.
Design notes:
• I really was not satisfied with their original colour schemes. I know that Lucy was described as wearing a rose-coloured gown but she’s so purple in my head.
• And Ham should be more red. He’s associated with red in the novel (and his brothers with yellow and blue- they’re the primary colour brothers) and that image of Misa Amane in the top left corner was my original reference for him, but he simply doesn’t look right to me unless he looks like a walking Valentine’s Day card. Misa Amane’s picture got to stay because a). I love her and b). I’m gonna talk about her later.
• His hair also had to change- I’m probably going to redo Hannah at some point. I was thinking of saving Ham’s original reddish brown colour for Hannah instead, and I don’t want them to look too similar. So now his hair looks like a fox- which is fitting for his character and also very funny because his wife is terrified of foxes.
• Don’t ask how the darker ends work without hair dye, we’re going off cartoon logic here.
• I am now certain that Lucy’s height exists solely to torment me whenever I want to draw her next to someone else. I was in tears drawing this, wondering why Findley couldn’t have been happy with a six foot tall angel.
• Lucy is seven foot five. I have no idea if I drew her tall enough or if I ever will.
The part where Misa Amane is relevant
• Ham’s character felt like he was being set up for a much more important role than he actually got, and I was waiting for a twist or a character arc or something, but it never happened. This guy is determined to stay irrelevant forever. I saw a source somewhere describe Ham as less of a character and more of an excuse to introduce Lucy. It cracked me up so I had to include it in here.
• Just to be clear: I do like Ham as is. He’s an entertaining and also very heartfelt character- one of his defining traits is just, ‘Loves Things A Lot’ (kinda reminds me of Pat of Silver Bush- everyone go read Pat of Silver Bush that book is fantastic).
• But also: he could have been better. His character got 10 times more likeable to me when I realized that he kind of resembles Misa Amane from Death Note, so by that logic he’d be a better character if you just make him more like Misa Amane from Death Note.
• Also: I only ever watched the Death Note musical and I know next to nothing about the anime. But I heard that Misa is pretty annoying in the anime? Shame.
• The parallels are already there. Both characters have complicated relationships with death- Ham’s first action in the book is being forced to kill a lamb, Misa’s entire family got murdered- and then cheating death somehow; Ham spent his childhood nearly dying of like, plague or whatever, and a death god sacrificed his life to extend Misa’s time on Earth. They’re both characterized as being incredibly loving, with Ham defined by his “love of life so great that he could not bear to kill” and Misa being defined by her love for her family that drove her to pledge her loyalty and give away half her life to their unknowing avenger.
• If I were writing Ham I’d establish him as a character who is deeply loyal- to his family and to his values. He thought that that loyalty had to extend to his father be default- they’re family, despite their very very tense relationship. The sacrifice at the start of book one made him do an immediate 180 on that, and it was why he was so willing to throw his oar in completely with Lucy.
• That 180 turn was motivated by an unbelievable amount of pent up rage and spite. In terms of general ideals I’d say Ham is pretty traditional and goes along with whatever’s popular because it causes less problems for him- the only principles he sticks firmly to are his scientific ones. He’s not like Lucy, who knows what she believes in and fights for it- him opposing Doctor Noyes is an emotional, reactionary decision, not based off of any deeper principles (other than the no-killing one) or self-reflection about his existing worldviews.
• A lot of his development will be directly tied to Lucy, since she’s the more significant character out of the two. And being with Lucy would make him much more willing to make impulsive decisions; which actually isn’t very far from canon, Ham is pretty impulsive. When I first got to the two-day-engagement part of the book I was convinced that a love potion had to be involved somewhere, because I couldn’t wrap my head around the designated ‘logical scientist character’ making such a reckless decision. But then I got further into the book and Ham… runs into a burning building. Keeps on fumbling conversations by blurting out his opinion and immediately regretting it. So… he’s kind of just like that. That lines up.
• For a scientist character he’s very emotional- which I like a lot! It’s a nice change of pace. Being a scientist doesn’t automatically make you more rational and reasonable than anyone else. Sometimes you can be a really good scientist and still have the emotional intelligence of a sea sponge. Ham strikes me as someone who doesn’t really ‘get’ emotions because he can’t logic his way through them like with most of the stuff he studies, so he ignores them until they explode ‘completely out of nowhere’. My conclusion here is that someone should hand him a book on mindfulness.
• (The real question is why Lucy was down for the two-day-engagement; it’s not to survive the flood. She and Ham were engaged before Yaweh came up with the flood plan.)
• All this is setting Ham up as Lucy’s eventual closest ally and the most fiercely loyal friend she could ever ask for. He thinks the world of her and would do just about anything for her… but he wouldn’t kill for her. That’s a line he crossed once and wouldn’t ever again.
• And Lucy loves him. Of course she does. But sometimes she wonders if her friend’s loyalty is anything like her brother’s blind devotion to Yaweh. She doesn’t like that thought.
• In the novel their relationship is largely just. Very lacklustre, with no development or indication that they really care about each other. But since they’re such a blank slate I can do whatever I want with them, and what I want is Lucy the revolutionary and her aggressively supportive science bestie.
• I like to think that Ham and Lucy’s relationship would be best described as a queerplatonic relationship- though they wouldn’t have the vocabulary to describe that exactly. I know that they’re married but… they really don’t have any romantic chemistry. I’m sorry to anyone who thinks that they make a good couple (if you exist. At all) but I simply do not see it.
• (If someone does have an interpretation of their relationship that is romantic I would absolutely love to see it. If someone has anything to say at all about this book I would love to see it.)
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