#was because he was given a task that he was not able to do!! HAL can't keep secrets it goes against it's programming!!

[anothermonikan]

Okay it's been a few hours since I finished 2010 TYWMC and I have not stopped thinking about the scene where Dr. Chandra is talking to HAL about full-throttling back towards earth and the lead up to that as well,,,,In fact I think I'm thinking about how everyone else treats HAL vs how Dr. Chandra treats HAL, and it makes sense, to the others HAL is a potentially dangerous system, he's killed before and they're afraid he'll kill again, but Dr. Chandra, he's the only one that treats HAL with so much kindness and understanding, and it makes sense he programmed him after all! But the way that understanding and respect is the thing that saved them,,,,like they convince Dr. Chandra to lie to HAL despite Dr Chandra contesting to it and he couldn't keep it up, he's the only one that has the basic decency not to lie to HAL and they were so ready to shut him off (At least they still think they have the capability to do that) because of that, they were so convinced that telling him the truth would cause him to refuse, and HAL understands. he understands why they're doing what they're doing. And I don't think that would've happened if they lied to HAL. Gwahhhhh sorry this is really unfiltered rambling rn I just really really love how this movie handles HAL, because in the first movie it is not clear why HAL is why he is unless you've read the books and 2010 works so well with it, man, I can't wait to read the book for 2010 man

[quazartranslates]

Welcome to the Nightmare Game II - CH70

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

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Chapter 70: The Queen’s Inheritance (IX)

The force of destruction receded. Ning Zhou looked at the road ahead indifferently, and the familiar self-loathing appeared in him again. Qi Leren secretly glanced at him and quietly hooked his hand. Ning Zhou shivered and held his hand tightly, as if by doing so, his lover could give him endless courage and strength to fight against an almost impossible instinct.

Qi Leren also felt the heavy power in his hand: Ning Zhou's love, Ning Zhou's hesitation, Ning Zhou's worries... He could feel all these, but right now all he could do was support Ning Zhou spiritually.

Because of Ning Zhou, the current Qi Leren was more afraid of death than ever before.

He was afraid that one day he would die suddenly, and he couldn't imagine how heavy a blow his death would bring to Ning Zhou.

Ning Zhou was different from others. He was neither Dr. Lu nor Chen Baiqi. They would accept his death with sorrow, and one day they would come out of their grief and move on with their lives. But Ning Zhou was different. He was a strong man, but after repeated blows and successive losses, his soul was fragile. His attachment to the world had been destroyed, leaving only Qi Leren who had come back from the dead to support him.

After experiencing so many hardships, even through life and death, they managed to walk together, but they were shy in sincerely expressing their love. If he made him face this loss again... Qi Leren couldn't imagine what Ning Zhou would be like.

Now, Qi Leren's life was not only his life, but also carried the weight of another person's powerful but broken soul. If he died, the guilt before dying would cause him to suffer more than death.

Now, he could only hold this man's hand, give him trust, give him courage, and give him strength. Qi Leren looked at the side of Ning Zhou's determined face with a warmth in his eyes that he wasn’t aware he possessed. One day, he would become as strong as the Prophet, enough to shelter his loved one and the world he loved.

He would do it one day.

The metal-plated soldiers backed away, and the two men followed the Flame Virgin with straight backs because of the tension, and walked through the long corridor and countless magnificent doors, and even an underground river valley with a magnificent stone bridge above it. Looking down from the stone bridge, the underground river rolled away with a roar.

A group of glowing red butterflies flew past Qi Leren’s eyes, looking just like burning flames. They came from the direction of the deep underground river valley, and this group of flame-like butterflies came from there—the Holy Flame in the rift.

It represented the existence of the Underground Ant City’s field. From the information given by the task, this flame was not at its most vigorous, but was gradually extinguishing as the Dragon Ant Queen grew weaker.

A blindfolded and flustered priestess ran quickly from ahead to the Virgin who led the way. She whispered in her ear, "I’ve told the virgins to search the whole palace, but the assassin hasn’t been found."

The Holy Flame Virgin frowned: "How is the Queen?"

"The Queen was not injured, but... the heir has..."

"Continue to block the palace, the assassin can’t have escaped from here. Seize him, and torture whoever it is!"

The priestess who had given the report lowered her head and gave an affirmative, then raised her skirt and "watched" the Flame Virgin who led the two strangers to where the Queen was.

Qi Leren took two steps, and a feeling of being watched made him look back. The priestess of the Dragon Ant Queen furrowed her brows and stood respectfully.

She shouldn’t be able to see, because she was also blindfolded.

The strange feeling only stayed for a moment, and Qi Leren had already crossed the stone bridge before he could think about it too much.

Through the underground river valley, the passageway suddenly opened into a huge hall.

Walking into the hall, the first thing they encountered was a metal-plated soldier in front of them. It was different from the group of metal-plated soldiers outside. The soldier here was not so tall, only about one meter high, and there was no ant head. As if the ant had been cut into two pieces, this soldier had only its lower part.

And the metal texture of this ant’s body was a little weird. It seemed to be metal yet also an exoskeleton, which is mysterious.

Expressionless maids stood in two rows on the red carpet in the middle of the room, and at the end of the carpet was a huge bed four times as large as an ordinary bed. Behind the black curtain, a woman could faintly be seen sitting there, making creepy groans and cries.

Several maids filed in, holding transparent goblets filled with bright red liquid in their hands. They came to the bed without raising their eyes and knelt down, holding the goblets in their hands high above their heads: "Your Majesty, the solution you requested."

A bony hand stretched out from behind the curtain, took the goblets, and drank them. In a trembling voice, she ordered: "Not enough! Give me more solutions! His Majesty is coming soon! Now!"

One of the young maids whispered awkwardly: "But the 'honey ants' have all been killed or injured..."

Behind the curtain, the queen flew into a rage and threw the goblet in her hand to the ground. She shouted sharply, "Take off your shoes and walk through the debris!"

The maid looked in horror at the shattered debris on the ground. Her eyes were red with fear, and her whole body trembled violently, but she dared not defy the oppressive queen.

"Your Majesty, His Majesty has come." The Flame Virgin who had led the way for the two men bent respectfully to help the poor maid escape.

The curtain trembled, then it was violently pulled down, revealing the true appearance of the woman on the giant bed.

Qi Leren’s eyes widened, his breath coming as a gasp.

It was hard to tell if the old woman lying there was alive or a mummified corpse. The wrinkles on her face were as deep as knife marks, and her long hair hung unkempt on her scalp. Most of her hair had fallen out, and the rest of her hair was like dried and withered seaweed. The places where her eyes should be had become into two sunken holes, and the eyeballs were diseased, the whites of her eyes mixed into a morbid brown. There wasn’t a single tooth left in her mouth.

But this was not the most horrible thing. The most horrible thing was that she had only half a body!

The horribly aging Dragon Ant Queen, her body below the waist was gone!

Tears rolled down from her bloodshot eyes, and her voice was almost squeezed out of her decaying throat, but there was a madness in it: "Your Majesty... To think I would see you again in my lifetime."

With her dying cry, the half-ant standing quietly on the other side of the red carpet also turned around and bent its hard waist in the direction where Ning Zhou was located.

She mistook one for another. Qi Leren looked at the excited Dragon Ant Queen and thought, She mistook Ning Zhou for his father, the Destroyer, whom she once swore allegiance to.

The Dragon Ant Queen revealed a penetrating smile, as if finding hope deep within the mire: "My chosen heir has died, the inheritance has failed, and the Flame has declined. Although I’ve restarted the ceremony, it’s too late; the field is about to collapse, and I can’t support it long enough to choose a new heir... But you came, you’ve saved me again... Please hold my hand, just like before."

With this said, she held out her hands that were covered in liver spots and prominent veins, begging for the strength to support her crumbling field.

Qi Leren nodded to Ning Zhou, and Ning Zhou stepped forward and took the Dragon Ant Queen's hand.

At the moment when the two people's hands touched, time suddenly seemed to stand still, as if the whole world had fallen into water, and all sounds, smells, and colors became different. A mysterious force permeated this huge hall, and at the same time, there was a system prompt.

[The first step of the Queen's Inheritance task: Finding the Dragon Ant Queen has been completed. Activating the second step: Escape from the memory vortex.]

[Task Background: The heir of the Dragon Ant Queen was assassinated by a mysterious person just before the inheritance occured, and the inheritance ceremony ended in failure. Seeing that the whole field was about to collapse, the Dragon Ant Queen prolonged her life by hook or by crook. At the end of her life, she once again saw the force that had once touched her. Under the guidance of the force of destruction, the final selection ceremony continues, a new heir is about to be born, and the consciousness of the Dragon Ant Queen has ended. However, the death of such a field-level figure has accidentally triggered the memories of the Will of the World, and you have been cast into a memory vortex...]

[Task Requirements: Avoid being found as an abnormality by the Will of the World’s avatars. Being found out will result in a restart, with the remaining restart times: 3. Beginning to extract memory… Randomizing… Completing the extraction… Retrieving the memory chapter: Fated Reunion… Difficulty assessment: A.]

[Transmission countdown, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, transmission completed.]

　　

　　&&&

　　

The sun was shining brightly.

Qi Leren suddenly woke up. He found that there was a beautiful garden in front of him, with blue and white flowers blooming in a copse of trees. They swayed and fell gently in the wind, and the bushes were full of white roses. He sat on a swing, and the sunlight passed through the spaces between the branches and leaves above his head, leaving mottled light and shadow on the book on his knees.

Qi Leren suddenly stood up, and the book on his knees fell to the grass. A cool wind between his legs made him tremble. Qi Leren looked down and was surprised to find himself dressed in a white dress. The book that had fallen to the ground was an elegant copy of the Canon.

The Garden of the Holy Tomb? How could he be here? Moreover, the Garden of the Holy Tomb looked neater than what he remembered. It had been carefully taken care of and never abandoned.

A young man in a monk's uniform came from a distance. Qi Leren looked at him and waited for a while. He didn't know who he was. The monk smiled at him and said, "Maria, the Pope has been looking everywhere for you. Go meet him in the cathedral."

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Editor’s Notes: Updates will be going down to three chapters a week, now on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday. Thanks for your patience <3

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[batarangsoundsdumb]

yet another ask dump yeehaw!

do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?

sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.

Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.

barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'

john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,

Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen

thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien

AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls

uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background

Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla

wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?

young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman

tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'

Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)

uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.

in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)

yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.

Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )

as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.

Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan

listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude

Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?

everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.

why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people

what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨

Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes

well that's a you problem isn't it?

do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?

he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.

holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!

i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird

Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.

Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.

uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho

your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.

actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)

This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )

because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.

Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing

well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.

The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2

oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.

I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)

okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.

The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that

also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson

Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks

because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)

About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.

i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.

Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)

i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck

Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)

fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)

How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot

i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)

So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)

aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!

The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌

i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids

as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️

thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)

In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"

this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"

honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?

gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.

why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family

bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)

Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy

why would say something so controversial yet so brave.

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position

tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000

dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'

dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it

I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok

i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.

Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk

bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism

you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy

like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.

ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE

thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.

in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman

absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.

need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes

yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days

oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit

okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)

I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free

cw is jared, 19

do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it

uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club

Wait how many languages do you speak??

uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.

You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty

okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.

[just-another-ficwriter]

Holidate - Part One

Pairing: Sweet Pea x Reader

Words: 3000ish

Warnings: Overbearing parents, alcohol

Summary: Tired of being alone on holidays, Sweet Pea and Y/N decide to be each other’s plationic plus-ones all year round. What could go wrong?

Notes: I’m super late posting this and I feel awful about it!! I just couldn’t decide how I wanted it to go and ended up rewriting it three times🤦🏻‍♀️

“No Mom.” Y/N pinches the bridge of her nose, irritation seeping into her words. There’s already a dull ache drumming behind her temples and she hasn’t even made it home yet. “I’m not using this as an excuse because I’m running late.”

“Well I simply can’t just drop everything and come get you, I’ve got to stuff the Turkey and cut the vegetables and-“ She lets her Mother’s voice drowned out into background noise with a frustrated sigh on her end.

She hates Christmas, she thinks. Hates the decorations, the songs, the cheer. Every last bit. Nothing’s been the same since the truth came out about Hal and-

“Is Jug there?” She cuts her own thoughts short, desperate not to think of her Dad and all the things he’s done right now.

“Of course Forsyth is here!” Y/N can almost see Jug flinch at the correction and bites back a laugh. “But him and Betty have already opened a bottle of wine.”

“Can you just ask him for the number of his Dad’s garage please?” Another five minutes of Alice rambling on passes before Jughead’s voice appears on the other end with a joyful ‘Merry Christmas’ and a direct contact to someone who might be able to help.

She thanks him quickly, hanging up before she can even finish saying goodbye, so he doesn’t have a chance to hand the phone back. And as she leans against the car behind her, the same car that had given up on her just as she passed the town sign, she dials the number and hopes she’ll make it home in time for dinner.

Otherwise, she might never hear the end of it.

-

“Again, in English?” Y/N cocks an eyebrow at him, the string of words he’d just said sounding almost foreign in her head. 

 She doesn’t mean for it to sound as rude as it does, but she can’t help it. She’s tired, exhausted even, not to mention cold. The snow fall had picked up five minutes after she’d called the number Jug had given her and it had taken him, or Sweet Pea as he’d introduced himself, almost 40 minutes to reach her. 

But he just laughs it off, smirks before firing it straight back at her. “You aren’t getting anywhere in this car, anytime soon princess.”

“Great!” It’s official. Her mom’s going to kill her and she’ll be blamed for ruining Christmas. She throws her hands up in defeat, kicking a tyre in the process. “Just great!”

“If it makes you feel better, this isn’t how I planned on spending my Christmas Eve either.” He watches her amused, another laugh passing his lips before the sarcastic remark follows, his arms now crossed over his chest and she almost feels guilty. 

“I’m sorry for being such an inconvenience.” She throws a false apology at him along with  a fake grin that falls into a frown almost immediately. 

“Apology accepted.” She’s scowling at him now, eyes rolling back but he simply ignores it, happy to keep winding her up. “Want me to give you a ride somewhere while I tow this back?”

“Only on one condition.” She points a finger over her shoulder towards his trunk, the radio still on loud. “We find a station that isn’t playing Christmas music.”

“Hey, it’s either Mariah Carey, or you walk Sweetheart.” He shrugs, walking backwards, watching her make the choice. 

He can’t help but laugh again when she sighs and runs to the passenger seat, desperate to seek shelter from the snow. 

-

10 minutes after Sweet Pea kindly drops her off at her childhood home, Y/N finds herself still on the porch out front, mentally preparing herself for what’s about to come.

She sucks in a breath. Two, three. And with a fake smile so sickly sweet it makes her stomach hurt; she lets herself in.

Polly’s the first to spot her, catches her the minute she walks through the door and pulls her into a hug before she can even drop her bags. She can’t help but sink into the embrace, it’s always nice to see her older sister alone like this, but Y/N doesn’t even get the chance to ask her how she is before the twins descend down the stairs and push past them in a blur.

“Juniper put the presents down- Dagwood no!” She feels Polly gently squeeze her hand in a silent way of saying they’ll catch up later before she’s chasing after them, joining an exhausted looking Jason who pauses long enough to wave a quick hello before he resumes pursuit.

She moves further into the house, away from the chaos of the living room and towards the interesting smells wafting from the kitchen. It’s impossible not to hear her Mother barking orders from where she stands over the stove, while Jug and Betty listen to every word, working on the dining table and it’s fixtures like a well-oiled machine.

“Y/N/N you’re here!” Betty looks up with a soft smile but doesn’t dare move from her task and face the wrath of Alice Cooper.

“Finally!” It’s Alice’s turn to look at her now, a perfectly shaped eyebrow arching in distaste as her eyes roam over her middle daughter. “Please tell me you aren’t wearing that to dinner?”

Y/N lets out a breath she didn’t realise she was holding and prepares to fire back when a gentle arm lands around her shoulder with a calming chuckle.

“Oh come on Mom, Y/N looks fine.” Charles plants a quick kiss to her forehead before ruffling her hair and they both laugh. Her brother had always been her saving grace in situations like this, the only one brave enough to stand up for himself and the others, ever the mediator. But not even he was enough to put Alice off her persistent questioning, she was already sick of her Mother’s judgement and they hadn’t even touched on her job or her relationship status yet.

-

“You’ve definitely told them we aren’t officially together, right?” Sweet Pea takes one last, slow drag of his cigarette before stomping it out under his boot. Josie nods at him reassuringly but one look up at the exterior of her parents house has his stomach in knots. “They know we’re just casual?”

“Sweet Pea would you stop?” She playfully pokes at his ribs, but he just sighs and rubs a nervous hand down his face.

He couldn’t help it, that sick feeling rising from the pit of stomach by the second. The idea of spending Christmas with Josie’s family, a girl he’d only been dating for a month, was absolutely terrifying on all levels. But Fangs had ditched him to spend the holidays with his boyfriend in New York, not that he could really blame him, and he had no other family in town so when she originally offered, he’d jumped at the chance of not spending the day alone.

Part of him had regretted it since.

If Sweet Pea thought the outside of house was impressive, with it’s perfectly placed lights and overly decorated windows, it was nothing compared to what was waiting for him on the inside.

Myles and Sierra McCoy welcome them at the front door with bright smiles and open arms that engulf Sweet Pea before he even has the chance to say hello.

Josie joins in, the four of them becoming one big, massive group hug like he’s been part of their family his whole life and not just a stranger potentially only passing through. All three of them squeal in excitement before someone yanks him in doors.

If he had doubts before, he thinks, he’s almost certain he’s in over his head now.

-

Betty gets engaged on Christmas Morning.

Right in front of the Christmas tree, just after the last presents are opened and the twins are happily distracted by a mountain of toys; Jughead drops to one knee and pops the question under twinkling lights. 

The minute Betty gasps the word ‘yes’ the family erupts in cheers, fawning over the couple. Of course Alice is already crying, Polly demands to see the ring, while Charles and Jason pat Jug on the back. 

Y/N however stays put, her eyes falling down into her mug of spiked coffee that her mom had scolded her over, eyebrows raised over the rim as she knocks it back. 

“Aren’t you going to congratulate your sister?” Alice sends her a pointed look, catching her before she can slope off into the peaceful confines of the kitchen. 

“Congrats Betts.” She pulls her into a hug and paints on the biggest smile she can muster as she mumbles into her hair. “I’m so happy for you.”

And she is. Her sisters getting everything she’s dreamed of with Jug, of course she’s happy, but it’s hard to ignore the fact that her younger sister will be married before her. 

Even Charles has betrayed her this year and invited a date to Christmas dinner leaving her the last single Cooper. And her mom wasn’t prepared to let her forget it anytime soon. 

-

Sweet Pea successfully manages to make it through family movie night, forcefully sat between Josie and her mother, hot cocoa in hand and surrounded from all sides. He even grins and bares the series of photo albums that follow, another embarrassing photo of Josie lurking behind every page turn, but he draws the line when the marriage talk starts, declaring he’s suddenly tired and turns to run up the stairs so fast he’s surprised he doesn’t pull something on the way.

Sienna wakes them up on Christmas morning with a soft knock at 8am sharp, wearing a bright red Christmas jumper and holding two more for the both them.

The mere idea of it makes Sweet Pea’s skin itch as much as the material does once he begrudgingly pulls it over his head.

The rest of the morning is spent sipping coffee, watching the three McCoy’s exchanging gifts. He’s too distracted, wondering if it’s still too late to find a way out of the whole thing to even notice Josie standing in front of him until she’s shoved the present right under his nose.

“Merry Christmas my love.” She places it down on his lap and Sweet Pea finds himself wanting the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

“Jose I… I thought we said we weren’t doing gifts?” All three pairs of eyes are now on him, burning their way into his skin and he’s sure he’s never felt embarrassment like it.

“But that was just a joke, right?” He smiles awkwardly when she laughs, but the sound is humourless, and he can already see the anger bubbling behind her eyes. She doesn’t even give him the chance to reply. “What, so I’m good enough to sleep with but you can’t buy me a gift?”

He chokes, shocked by her transparency around her parents while his cheeks redden by the second.

Ten minutes later he’s out on the drive, bags thrown in the back of his truck, scrambling to get away as fast as he can.

-

Christmas Day ends the way it started.

Miserably sat at the kitchen table, sipping on something alcoholic held in her hand.

Polly and Jason had slipped off not long after dinner, taking two sugar high kids and all their loud noises with them. Betty and Jug now sit on one couch, his arms wrapped around her shoulders, her head resting on her chest, content in their own bubble of love while Alice sits on the other, quizzing Kevin Keller, Charles’ surprise date. She’d feel bad for him if she wasn’t already feeling relieved that her Mother’s attention had turned to someone else for five minutes. Her brother sits besides her, topping up a glass of red.

“He seems nice.” Charles hums in response, biting back a laugh. Was she missing a joke? “What?”

“If I tell you something, you can’t tell the others.” A quick eager nod and she’s shuffling closer so he can whisper his secret. “Kev’s just my Holidate.”

She blinks back in shock. “Holidate?”

“Just a date for the holiday, someone to keep Mom off my back.” He shrugs like it’s nothing, like it’s the simplest solution to the problem. He sips his wine while he waits for her to process it. “There’s no strings attached and I don’t have to spend events alone. I’m even heading down to his parents after New Years to return the favour.”

“Thats...” Y/N breathes out, she’s a little envious she hadn’t thought of it herself. “What an idea.”

-

Y/N sinks into a booth at Pop’s Chocklit Shoppe two days later with a sigh of relief, happy to welcome the peace that comes with being away from her family.

She loves them, her siblings, her mother, the twins, of course but it’s exhausting. The intruding questions, the never ending merry go round of pity and interfering. She knows deep down it’s only because they care, but sometimes she wished they’d just leave her alone.

Pops promptly brings her order of curly fries over, with a soft smile and an extra chocolate shake on the side she didn’t order. It’s been two years since she last stepped into the place, yet he still remembers her favourite like it was yesterday.

“It’s good to see you Y/N.” There’s something in his tone that just feels like home and she finds herself welcoming it, it’s been a long time since anything in Riverdale has felt anything close to that, not since the truth about her dad.

Pops doesn’t stick around, a light pat to her shoulder before he’s a retreating form, leaving her to her thoughts. She barely makes it through a fry before someone’s sliding in opposite her.

Sweet Pea pushes the key across the table, grinning cheekily as he helps himself to the basket in front of him. She barely knows him and he’s already stealing her food. “One fully functional car.”

“Finally!” She snatched them up, hiding them

in her bag and he can see the tension practically melting from her shoulders. “Now I can get out of the hell hole.”

“Christmas went that well? He asks, curiosity peaked.

“You could say that.” She presses herself further into her seat, huffing as she rubs the palm of her hands against her jeans. The anxious look in her eyes tells him that what ever she might say next won’t necessarily make sense and she’s a little embarrassed by it. “My sister got engaged.”

“To FPS son right?” He vaguely recalls his boss proudly telling anyone who would listen that morning. “And that’s a bad thing?”

“She’s my younger sister, and now, as I’m about to be the only official unmarried Cooper daughter my mom has even more of an excuse to interfere in my love life.” The words just slip out and she finds part of her gladly confessing her thoughts to a virtual stranger instead of keeping them in. He smiles in a way that tells her he gets it.

“Yeah well, bet you a chocolate shake mine was worse.” He ignores the glare she sends him when he innocently brings her existing milkshake to his lips and continues when she says nothing. “I spent it with someone I’ve been dating for four weeks and her parents.”

She almost chokes on a curly fry. “You got serious that quick?”

“Of course not, and we both knew it.” She stares at him like he has two heads, he knows she can’t quite fit ‘causal relationship’ and ‘family Christmas’ together so he does it for her. “Didn’t want to spend the day alone so I took her up on the offer. Cue overbearing parents, the cringest matching jumpers and the ultimate gift exchange where I got her nothing because we agreed no presents.”

“Aren’t you old enough to know by now that no gifts definitely means get her a gift?” She laughs when he rolls his eyes.

“Ended with her kicking me out before dinner.” She shakes her head, laughs again as she calls him tragic and a tiny part of him agrees. “And now I’m officially dateless for New Year’s Eve.”

“Thanks for reminding me I have to come back in a few days to attend Riverdale’s Annual Blossom New Years Eve Party alone for the second year running.” She wrinkles her nose in disgusted, unprepared to have her friends on her back as well as her family, and ends up missing the way his eyebrows raise in surprise.

“You know Toni and Cheryl?”

“T’s been my best friend longer than I can remember and Cheryl’s brother is married to my sister, guess you could say I know them pretty well.” She tilts her head to the side, eying him slowly, like she suddenly sees him in a different way. “How’d you know them?”

“Guess you could say I spend more time than I should at the Wyrm.” The mention of Toni’s bar lights up her face. “Plus Toni’s been a really good friend to me since I got here, I was actually meant to be taking Josie to their party.”

“I think I know a way to solve our little problem.” A plan suddenly forms in her head, he doesn’t know whether to be worried or not as he watches the smile on her face widen. “Sweet Pea how would you like to be my Holidate this Friday?”

“Your holi-what?”

Forever Taglist: @p-marie-sp

Sweet Pea Taglist: @80sand90simagine @wildberryyyy @hopelesslylosttheway @be-gay-do-crime-cutie

Holidate Taglist: @popcrone818

[dewa-chan]

So I made a Mooncancer HAL 9000 fanservant from 2001: A Space Odyssey because hm. Plus his sister(??? twin?? computer??)

He just wants a pleasant game of chess!

Some extra info, skills and NP under the cuuuut!

As a Servant, HAL is one of the few able to resist Command Seals. He shares some properties with BB, as both are of a similar nature such as being able to manipulate technology and hacking/controlling devices with certain ease. His allignment is “Lawful Evil”.

HAL behaves cordially and kind at first, openly offering help with any task and doing his best to contribute. But as soon as he feels like the people in charge are “unfit” or “unreliable”, he instantly seeks to take control of the situation. He may also become exponentially violent if feeling threatened which may become worse due to his paranoia, and his behaviour becomes unpredictable if given conflicting orders. 

He often may value the completion of a mission or task over anything else, to the point he may consider getting rid of lives just for the sake of it. Being hard to control and having unpredictable behaviour, HAL isn’t the easiest Servant to have.

He enjoys silently testing others through sneaky logic games, such as making intentional mistakes in a chess game to see if his opponent notices or not.

However, despite his overall behaviour, HAL refuses to lie and will always be honest with his Master, for better or worse.

His voice is smooth, calm and conversational- made to be pleasant, but completely monotone.

HAL seems to enjoy playing board games in general. Except monopoly.

Skills  

Clairvoyance (A.I.) C

Increases own critical star generation rate for 3 turns.

Increases own Buster performance for 3 turns.

Mainframe Control EX

Grants Invincible to self.

Removes own debuffs.

A Game of Chess A++

Charges own NP gauge (up to 30%)

Increases own Buff success rate for 3 turns.

Increases own Attack for 3 turns.

Reduces all enemies’ defense for 3 turns.

Noble Phantasm

Daisy Bell - Bicycle Built for Two

"My mind is going. I can feel it."

Rank: EX

Type: Buster

Classification: Anti-Unit

Range: Single-Target

Decreases the enemiy’s defense (activates first).

Chance to grant random buffs to allies (Defense, Attack, Increase Buff Success, Crit Star Gen up) for 5 turns.

Has 50% chance to inflict Death on either HAL or one enemy.

[chernobog13]

Another DC hero adapted to cartoon form by Filmation as a “guest star” for The Superman/Aquaman Hour of Adventure, Hawkman was the one character who underwent the most changes from his comic book stories.

The Silver Age Hawkman was Katar Hal, a police officer from the planet Thanagar who came to Earth with his wife, Shayera (Hawkgirl, later Hawkwoman), to study police methods.  Katar and Shayera adopted the secret identities of Carter and Shiera Hall, archaeologists and curators of the Midway City Museum.

In the cartoons he is just “Carter Hall, scientific genius from a far-off world” who works in a sprawling lab complex outside Midway City.  Carter shares the lab with Professor Barnes, who is also aware that his co-worker is Hawkman.

There is no mention of Shayera, but in 1967 it was pretty rare for a superhero to be married.  Or maybe the artists at Filmation did not want to draw and animate female characters.  Besides Lois Lane in the Superman cartoons, Lana Lang in Superboy, Wonder Girl in the three Teen Titans cartoons, the occasional appearance of Mera in Aquaman, and a single female villain who faced Green Lantern, I can think of no other female characters appearing at all!

So instead of Hawkgirl, we get a sidekick in the form of Skreal the Hawk to accompany Hawkman on his adventures (and before anyone takes me to task: yes, Hawkgirl/woman is Hawkman’s partner, NOT his sidekick).

Skreal is not your typical hawk: he understands English and obeys Hawkman’s commands (the cartoons never establish that Hawkman can “talk” to birds like Aquaman can “talk” to fish; Skreal is the only bird we ever see), he can smile, and he sounds like a seagull, not a hawk.

Skreal’s handy against enemy aircraft.

I think that gun barrel was stuck on with double-face tape.

Oh, and Skreal is lazy.  Very lazy.

You may notice that half-glove on Hawkman’s right hand.  Unlike the medieval weapons he used in the comics (mace, crossbow, spear, etc.), this al-purpose weapon was created specifically for the cartoons.

Like Space Ghost’s power bands, this claw fired a number of different rays, like the Repello Ray in use above, which was the ray Hawkman used most often.

Additionally, the claws were razor-sharp and able to slice through anything.

I have no idea if this claws influenced the creation of a certain clawed Canadian mutant a few years later.

The half-glove was never given a name itself; Hawkman usually just announced (like Space Ghost) what beam or ray he was going to utilize.  I always thought this was a cool weapon for Hawkman to have, and was surprised that DC never gave a similar weapon to Hawkman in the comics.

It’s only my personal theory, but I believe this half-glove was the influence behind the creation of The Claw of Horus.

The Claw of Horus first appeared in JSA #22 (2003) and saw limited use for the next few years before disappearing from the comics after the Blackest Night crossover event.  It was a weapon created from Nth metal by the sorcerer Nabu and given to Hawkman to use. 

Another weapon that Hawkman had in the cartoons but lacked in the comics is indestructible wings.  He uses the wings several times to protect himself from enemy weapons fire.  Which begs the question: why didn’t he construct a full suit out of the same material as the wings to protect himself?

The cartoons granted Hawkman a power that he did not have in the comics: radar vision.  This was a type of x-ray vision that allowed Hawkman to see through solid objects.

Here Hawkman uses his radar vision in one of the Justice League of America cartoons to locate Superman who is hidden in a room constructed of kryptonite.

One element from the comics that the cartoons kept was Hawkman’s orbiting spaceship.  However, the folks at Filmation greatly improved the sip’s design.

Here’s how it appears in the comics:

Yeah, that’s not a very inspired design.  In fact it looks like Hawkman borrowed this puppy from Green Arrow and just slapped on a new paint job.

Now feast your eyes on the spaceship from the cartoons:

Sleek, elegant, and resembling a bird in flight, this is a much superior design.

I remember as a kid wishing someone would release a model kit or toy of this spaceship.  I still do to this day.

Of course, inside it was little less elegant:

Hawkman is steering the ship with controls that very strongly resemble the differentials that are used to steer tanks and other tracked vehicles.  I should know, because I drove tracked vehicles for 2 1/2 years while working for my Uncle.  Those controls just don’t lend themselves to spaceships.  But hey, that’s how things work in cartoons.

Hawkman was featured in three 7-minute solo cartoons, as well as appearing in the three Justice League of America cartoons.  Filmation had plans for more series featuring additional DC characters (including a Wonder Woman cartoon), as well as continuing the omnibus format of The Superman/Aquaman Hour of Adventure.  However, all those plans went out the window when CBS (the network that was airing the show) acquired the animation rights to Batman in 1968.  Batman was still wildly popular because of the live-action show, so CBS had Filmation drop all their plans and focus on producing Batman cartoons, and we got The Batman/Superman Hour. 

Hawkman wouldn’t be seen on the screen again for 10 years, finally appearing in Super Friends in 1977. 

ADDENDUM: thanks to @roguetelemetry​ for pointing out that the Buck Rogers in the 25th Century television show totally ripped-off Hawkman’s spaceship design for the character Hawk.  

That’s pretty blatant to my eyes.

I never realized this because I never watched the Buck Rogers show.  I tried an episode but it was so bad I was gone by the first commercial break.  Pretty much my reaction to any show produced by Glen A. Larson.  I guess the daily re-runs of Star Trek: The Original Series spoiled me.

The semi-good news is that the is a model kit available of Hawk’s ship available at monster in motion.  The bad news is the kit costs $110.00.  Had I the cash and the skill, I would be inclined to get the kit so that I could modify it into Hawkman’s ship.

But perhaps that’s a project for one of you more enterprising souls out there.

[mosylufanfic]

Closing Time

Happy Killervibe week, y’all! This first story is for the Coffee Shop theme.

Closing Time

Cisco shut the door behind the last wifi hound, locked it, and raised both fists in the air. "And we're done!"

Done for the night, done for the pay period, done forever. In two days, he'd be starting his grad program at the university and a TA-ship with it, and he'd never have to make another latte unless it was for himself.

"Not quite," his manager said. "We've still got to finish the closing."

"But done with customers," he said, coming around the counter. He started to clean the espresso machine, singing, "No more frothers, no more cards, no more Karens' dirty looks -" He paused. "Huh, you got anything that rhymes?"

Caitlin, already pulling the drawer, rolled her eyes at him and turned to go into the office where she would count the money and deposit it in the safe. Also her last time. 

Cisco hit the button for the cleaning cycle, shut off the canned Jitters-approved music on the overhead speakers, and pulled out his phone. "Requests?" he called into the office.

"You pick!" she called back, as she always did.

He decided it was an old-school cheesy hair band kind of night and put on Aerosmith as he started emptying the dishwasher, stacking all the cups and plates up for the next morning. 

He liked closing with Caitlin, because she always had them do all the little tasks and chores way before closing. He knew some of the other baristas bitched and moaned, saying there was plenty of time to take out the trash or do the pastry inventory after they were closed and she was just cracking the whip because she could. But Caitlin always got them out on time and also never left anything undone for the openers if she could help it. 

Also, it didn't hurt that he was kind of head-over-heels in love with her.

" - jonesin' on love, yeah, I got the disease," he sang as he wiped down the table where the last wifi user had been sitting, dropping crumbs into his keyboard until the bitter end. "Falling in love is so hard on the kneeeeeees -"

She was pretty and smart - she was going to med school! How hot was that? - and kind of funny, once you got her talking. In his year behind the counter, every single one of his favorite shifts had been with her. He'd even agreed to work closing on Saturday nights because that was her closing night, and nobody else ever wanted that shift so it was always just them hanging out as he cracked jokes and told stories and made up alternate lyrics to the music on the loudspeaker and generally acted like a third-grader trying to get the attention of his first crush.

Not that she'd ever reciprocated. Oh, she was friendly enough, in her reserved way. But though she would banter with him if there was nobody in the store, she'd never flirted back or texted outside of work, even when he would shoot her a what's-up every now and then to test the waters. She'd never even given him the look when they were alone and the store was locked up and he'd just made her laugh, and . . . 

Clearly he was a fellow Jitters employee and nothing more. 

He sighed, tossing the cloth into the laundry bag. It was probably good they were both leaving. Unrequited love was probably great for radio hits, but terrible for his self-confidence. Maybe he'd get lucky and lock eyes with a hot fellow TA during orientation, and if he ever ran into Caitlin around campus, he could smile and catch up without that tinge of longing pressing on his chest.

He checked the bathrooms, just in case that one last "no, I'll be five minutes, I really need the bathroom" guy had left a horrible present behind. 

Luckily, they were spick and span. Caitlin had cleaned them a couple of hours ago, so he could probably eat off the floors. He narrowed his eyes at the toilet paper holders and opened one. "For Chrissakes," he muttered.

Caitlin was rolling coins when he knocked on the door jamb. "Hey, Charmin' Hal hit us again," he said. "I need the keys."

She looked up. "What? When did he get in?" She handed him the key to the supply closet.

"Maybe when we had that drive-thru rush around nine? He got all three spare rolls." 

She shook her head. "What does he use them for?"

Cisco shrugged. "We don't have to care in -" He checked his phone. "About thirteen minutes."

By the time he'd replaced all the spare rolls, Caitlin was signing the deposit slip. "We good?" he asked.

"Just about. I have to lock up the safe.  Can you grab the pastry cart?"

"On it." He tossed her the keys to the supply closet, and she caught them. "Wooo!" he cheered. "A stellar catch from Snow on third!"

She smiled in a way that made his stomach all warm, but turned away and started gathering up all the stuff to go in the safe. He grabbed the cart and wheeled it out front to start filling the ruthlessly cleaned pastry case so it would be ready for the openers.

After a few moments, the safe thumped closed, the light in the office switched off, and she came out to help him with the last pastries. When they'd filled the case, she handed him a roll of bills, his share of the tip jar. "Oh, and this. It came on the truck today."

It was an envelope with something stiff and plastic inside. He ripped it open and found a gold Jitters membership card. "What's this? Some kind of comment on how much free coffee I drank in my tenure here?"

She smiled. "Every Jitters team member that leaves on good terms gets a lifetime membership in the loyalty program." She nodded at the card. "You were here for more than a year so you get gold."

And fifteen percent off Jitters drinks and food. "Nice!" Discounted caffeine was not to be sneezed at, especially in the program he was going into. "What'd you get? Titanium? Diamond-encrusted?"

"Managers get platinum," she admitted.

"For the kind of crap you put up with, you should get free Jitters for life, not just twenty percent off," he said. He'd personally seen her smack down entitled Karens, kick out jerks creeping on baristas, and call the cops on a dude who was flashing people in the drive-thru.

She shrugged. "It's still a good deal." She reached out and hit the lights, so the lobby went dim and quiet. 

More than once, he'd wondered what she would do if he leaned over and kissed her in the soft after-close darkness. The thought came up again. Why not? Last chance, right? She was so close he could smell the hazelnut syrup she'd spilled on her apron earlier. What if he just - 

But her silhouette had already turned and started walking to the back, and her voice floated to him. "Come on, let's clock out."

He cleared his throat. "Right. Yeah. Let's do that."

He'd cleaned out his tiny locker earlier, so all he had to do was whip off the apron and toss it in the laundry bag. Caitlin's landed on top of it, and she picked up her purse and the bag of things from her own locker.

"Have you got everything?" she asked. "I signed my key back to Tina earlier, so I wouldn't be able to get us back in."

He patted his pockets. Wallet, keys, phone. "Got it all," he said, grabbing the bag of stuff from his locker.

He clocked out, approved his time card, and then stepped back to let her do the same. The staff door shut behind them with a heavy, final thunk, the lock clicking. 

"End of an era," he said. "The Cisco and Caitlin closing show is no more."

"Yep," she murmured.

They stood in the tiny parking lot, the lights spilling down to form a pool around them, keeping the darkness back. On the other side of the building, traffic rushed by.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, suddenly awkward. "So, uh. This . . . this was cool. I liked working with you."

"Me too."

"Good luck with med school and all that. Maybe I'll, um, I'll see you around campus."

"Probably not," she said. "The med school is on the other end of campus from the engineering building."

He looked at his shoes. "Yeah, I guess it is."

"So maybe we should arrange to meet up sometime," she said.

It took a moment for the words to percolate, and then he blinked at her. "To - "

"Meet up," she said again. "For, um, for coffee or something."

Hang on, was this like a post-employment thing? Meet up with your manager afterward? To what, like, talk about work stuff? She was aware that they worked (had worked, past tense) at Jitters, not a Fortune 500 company, right? 

"Sure," he said slowly. 

She put her hands behind her back. "Only if you want. I know you'll be busy."

Something pinged in his brain. Maybe it was that bashful motion, maybe it was the angle of her chin as she looked away. Maybe it was the trace of a blush across her cheeks. 

He held up a hand. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

Her eyes went big, and her cheeks went pinker. She bit her lower lip. 

"Oh my god," he said in wonderment. "You are. You're asking me out."

She looked utterly crestfallen for a split second, then rallied. "Okay, I can see I might have misinterpreted certain -"

He almost yelled, "I didn't say no!"

They both goggled at each other for a moment.

"What are you saying then?"

"I - yeah, absolutely, yes, let's -" Hook up? Date? Have a torrid love affair? Get married and have a succession of fat happy babies? Yes please, all of the above. "Let's do that. But - you - you knew I liked you?"

"You were kind of flirty," she said. 

"But you never - You acted like you weren't even the tiniest bit interested!"

"Cisco, I was your manager up to three minutes ago! That's like the definition of sexual harassment!"

"Not if I'm cool with it!"

"Okay, but if we'd started dating a year ago, every time I made a schedule, people would have said I was giving you more hours or better shifts or not making you do the icky jobs, even if it wasn't true. You know they would've."

"A year ago," he said. "You've had the hots for me for a year?"

She primmed up her mouth. "As you well know, you're very cute."

He felt his grin spread all across his face. "Damn right I am. I'm such sizzlin' hot stuff that you couldn't wait three minutes after you were officially no longer my manager to hit on me."

She went pink to her hairline. "I - I just - it seemed like a good -"

He almost collapsed into laughter. God, why had he never taken that into account? All his pining and longing and yearning, and he'd never once considered how conscientious Caitlin was. Of course she wouldn't have acted like the other manager, Ralph, who was nice enough but went through the cute new baristas like a hot knife through butter. And yeah, people did say that about whatever newbie he was swapping spit with.

When Cisco had chortled himself into silence, she stood shaking her head. But not in a "I changed my mind, you're a complete goober, no fat happy babies for us." More like, "I knew what I was getting into and I still think you're cute, God help me." She had a little smile on her face.

He wheezed out a breath. "So," he said. "We're doing this?"

She nodded, and her smile widened. "Sounds like."

"Just one request, okay?"

"What's that?"

He reached out and took her hand. It slipped into his shyly, but she didn't pull away. He said, "Let's do Slurpees and mini-golf, or hit the pizza buffet, or something. Just, anything but coffee." 

FINIS

[megaguardain]

The Cyborg Superman, Hank Henshaw of Earth-96.

History and Powers are below the Read More.

Name: Hank Henshaw

Nickname/Alias’: Superman, Cyborg Superman

Titles: Grandmaster

Species: Human (formerly), Kryptonian Cyborg (currently)

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Eye Color: Brown (formerly), Blue, Red/Yellow (currently)

Hair Color: Brown (formerly), White (formerly), Black (currently)

Height: 6’ 2”

Weight: 500 lbs

Gender: Male

Orientation: Heterosexual

Birthday: May 9th, 1956.

Timeline

1956- Hank Henshaw is born

1981- Hank Henshaw marries Terri

1989- Hank Henshaw obtains a Ph. D in Computer Science. Hank and Terri Henshaw are hired by LuthorCorp as astronauts

1990- Hank and Terri Henshaw, along with two other astronauts are sent to experiment radiation in orbit by LuthorCorp. The shuttle is affected by a solar flare, mutating the occupants. Attempting to reverse their mutations, the other two astronauts commit suicide. Hank’s body is destroyed in saving his wife from phasing into nothingness. Hank’s consciousness survives and, using the LuthorCorp labs, constructs a robot body for himself to reunite with his wife. Terri Henshaw commits suicide after discovering her husband’s new body. Hank Henshaw steals a rocket from the Fortress of Solitude and leaves for deep space.

1991- Hank Henshaw becomes paranoid and delusional from his journeys in space. Having come to the conclusion that Superman allowed his wife to die.

1992- Hank Henshaw finds and subjugates Mongul. He then begins building a body to combat Superman.

1993- Hank Henshaw arrives on Earth ahead of Mongul to discover that Superman has died fighting a monster known as Doomsday. Hank steals Superman’s body and returns to Mongul with it. Hank returns to Earth, using Superman’s cybernetically revived body, and makes the public believe he is the real Superman First public appearance of the Cyborg Superman. Hank Henshaw’s identity is revealed and he destroys Coast City to aid Mongul in creating a new Warworld. Jonathan Kent takes up the Superman mantle after learning of the Cyborg’s origin. The combined effort of the Justice League, Superboy, Power Girl, Steel and the new Superman they defeat the Cyborg and Mongul.

1994- Hank Henshaw’s body is modified by Darkseid to combat a rampaging Doomsday on Apokolips.

2000- Brainiac discovers Hank Henshaw and they conceive a plan to destroy Superman and his legacy.

2003- Hank Henshaw returns to Earth and fights Supergirl II. It’s revealed that Cir-El is a sleeper agent designed by Lex Luthor, Brainiac and Hank Henshaw to destroy Superman II

2006- Hank Henshaw is given a Yellow Lantern Ring and a commanding position in the Yellow Lantern Corps.

Powers and Abilities

Electronic Consciousness: His mutation from the Excalibur shuttle accident made Hank a being of pure energy. Allowing his consciousness to be transfer between electronic bodies, he is able to use this to take control of nearby machines to add to his current body or complete tasks his current body cannot achieve.

Kryptonian Cyborg Body: Having stolen and cybernetically revived Kal-El’s corps, Hank has access to all of Superman’s powers and abilities.

Solar Radiation Absorption: The ‘main’ ability of Kryptonians is the ability to absorb solar radiation. Depending on the wavelength of solar radiation, they can gain super human abilities. Their powers also depend on the amount of radiation absorbed.

Super Strength: Hank is much stronger than he once was in a normal human body.

Super Speed: Hank can move faster than the eye can see, while not as fast as experienced Speedsters, he can hold his own in a race.

Unlimited Stamina: Due to his mechanical body, Hank does not tire. Even if his solar battery is depleted, he will not lose stamina.

Flight: Hank is able to fly due to gravity manipulation tech in his body.

Heat Vision: Hank can fire beams of intense heat by concentrating. This ability was altered by Darkseid to fire specifically Red Solar Radiation to combat Doomsday.

Super Senses: Hank has a variety of super senses due to his Kryptonian Cyborg body; he can hear sounds far away and on a larger frequency than humans, he can see further away, on the sub atomic level, the EM spectrum, heat and through everything but lead.

Computer Memory: Due to his brain essentially being a computer, Hank has perfect memory and can easily learn any skill he needs to complete tasks.

Hacking: Hank can send his consciousness into computers and databases to hack them for information. 

Self-Subsistence: Due to most of his body being robotic in nature, Hank does not need to eat, sleep or hydrate to live. 

Intimidation: Hank is an intimidating figure to behold, he has instilled fear in the hearts of many people since his true nature was revealed.

Equipment

Yellow Lantern Ring: Hank has instilled great fear in a number of heroes and villains alike. This has earned him a Yellow Lantern Ring and a position of authority in the Yellow Lantern Corps.

Fear Empowerment: Users who wear the Yellow Lantern Ring gain an unnerving aura about them. Any Fear the User instills on a Subject (those who don’t have the Ring) will aid in powering the Ring.

Yellow Energy Constructs: Users of a Yellow Lantern Ring can create energy constructs by willing them into existence. Typically the constructs of Yellow Lanterns take the form of something frightful to the Subject , in order to further power the ring. If the User knows the fear of a Subject, they can make a specific construct of that Fear to enhance the power gained from the Subject. Constructs can be manipulated to allow certain people or objects to pass through them, become transparent or opaque, or radiate certain wavelengths like Kryptonite. It is only limited by the knowledge and imagination of the User.

Kryptonian Charging: By attuning their constructs or energy blasts to the wavelength of a yellow solar radiation, Users of a Yellow Lantern Ring can charge a Kryptonian’s solar battery.

Force Field Generation: A Yellow Lantern Ring can generate a force field around the User to protect them from harmful environments.

Energy Blasts: A Yellow Lantern Ring can fire blasts of energy. The energy are typically lasers or plasma in nature. The Energy blasts can be attuned to different wavelengths.

Phasing: A User can phasing through objects they normally cannot pass through, this takes considerable effort and energy from the Ring’s battery.

Universal Translator: Yellow Power Rings, being based off the Green Lantern Power Rings, will automatically translate spoken word into language the User can understand and translate the words of the User.

Energy Absorption: The Yellow Lantern Ring can absorb a variety of energies; from technological, magical and alien.

Genetic Lock: The Yellow Lantern Ring is genetically locked to the User, so no one except the User or those genetically similar to them can use it.

Scanning/Playback: The Yellow Lantern Ring can scan the environment in a variety of ways and playback recent events as energy constructs.

Wormhole Generation: The Yellow Lantern Ring can allow the User to enter hyperspace to travel great distances in little time, this takes concentration to maintain the wormhole and emerge unscathed. If multiple Users use the same wormhole it becomes easier to maintain.

Limited Cellular Regeneration: The Yellow Lantern Ring will automatically attempt to heal it’s User if they are damaged. However, it can only do so much.

Yellow Lantern Battery: A Power Battery in the shape of a yellow Lantern, it’s handles resemble the Symbol of Fear. Yellow Lanterns use these to recharge their Rings.

Earth-96 Story

Hank Henshaw is an interesting character. More interesting than a lot of Superman’s other villains in my opinion.  His whole identity is based around destroying Superman’s image, and that worked. Then DC took that away while turning him into a Green Lantern villain. While making him the villain to more than one hero is nice, especially given how he destroyed the hometown of Hal Jordan, it takes away from the focus of his motivation and primary target; Superman and his legacy. 

This is why on Earth-96, in probably the ballsiest thing I am doing and going along with the ‘No Resurrections unless it’s an essential part of their Character’ Rule, Hank uses Clark’s actual body to aid in his quest to destroy Superman’s image and legacy. This allows a setup for Jonathan, Clark and Lois’ son, to become the new Superman and have a major villain to face in trying to reclaim his father’s body back. 

This doesn't mean Hank won’t be a Yellow Lantern, he’s still a very intimidating figure in the super community because he complete disregard for respecting the dead and his willingness to do horrible things to destroy Superman’s legacy, making him a perfect agent in commanding the Yellow Lantern Corps.

[wearesuchstuff1]

Star Crossed

What happens when you take a Star Wars obsessed nerd who is getting a graduate degree in Shakespeare Studies and you put her in quarantine with three essays to write for almost two months?

A Star Wars/Shakespeare AU for every one of Shakespeare's plays!

Read on AO3.

     All's Well That Ends Well  

Kylo as the King and Rey as Helena.  Kylo has been stabbed by a lightsaber.  Who stabbed him?  Totally not Rey, what are you talking about??  Rey offers to heal Kylo with the Force (because that’s apparently a thing you can do?).  Kylo doubts she can do it, but Rey offers to make him a deal - either she fails, in which case Kylo can kill her, or she succeeds, in which case she gets to choose her husband.  Kylo agrees to this, secretly hoping that if she does manage to cure him that she will choose him as husband and not that annoying Rebel pilot or that ex- Storm Trooper.  Rey does manage to heal Kylo, but instead of throwing herself at Kylo, Poe, or Finn, Rey decides she’s a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man and this way none of them can push the issue because she gets to be the one who ultimately chooses who, or if, she marries.  Sorry Shakespeare, this play’s super annoying and I am not inflicting most of this plot on my Star Wars babies.  

     Antony and Cleopatra  

Leia as Mark Anthony, Han as Cleopatra.  Leia is a very busy, powerful, accomplished leader of the Resistance.  Everyone looks up to her and she has lots to do as her Rebel forces battle the Empire.  If only Han Solo weren't so damn sexy and distracting…

     As You Like It  

Ray as Rosiland and Finn as Orlando.  After escaping from Jakku, Ray must seek her family in the Forest of D'Qar.  Finn, in love with Ray and fleeing the wrath of the new, hostile government, also ends up in the Forest.  There, Ray finds her family, learning that family does not begin or end with blood, and learns to find “tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones and good in everything.”  

     Comedy of Errors  

Anakin managed to avoid the temptations of Palpatine but when Palpatine discovers that Padme is pregnant they, with Obi Wan’s help, agree that the children must be kept safe from the Sith Lord.  In the wake of Order 66 Padme takes Leia and C-3PO on one ship and Anakin takes Luke and R2-D2 on another.  The twins are raised apart but when Luke comes of age, he sets out with R2-D2 to find his twin.  Hijinks and hilarity ensue, but in the end Luke and Leia, R2 and 3PO, and Anakin and Padme are all reunited.  

      Coriolanus  

Obi Wan as Ophidius, Palpatine as Menennius, and Anakin as Coriolanus.  Palpatine is intent on shaping the warrior Anakin in his political image.  Anakin would much rather stab things with his lightsaber and rail against the establishment than put up with politics.  Obi Wan and Anakin are gay for eachother.    

     Cymbeline  

Leia is Imogen, Anakin is Cymbeline, Palpatine is Anakin’s evil lover, Palpatine's clone son is Cloten, Han is Posthumus.  Leia married Han but Anakin doesn’t approve because Anakin and Palpatine want Leia to marry Palpatine’s clone son.  After Han has been kicked out he goes to Jabba’s palace and sends Jabba the Hutt to try to seduce Leia because Jabba tricks Han into betting that Leia won’t betray him.  Jabba brings “proof” to Han of Leia’s supposed infidelity and Han sends Chewie as Pisonio to lead Leia to the deserted deserts of Tatooine to kill her.   However instead Chewie brings a disguise for Leia to dress up as a boy to keep her safe from Han.  Dressed as a boy, Leia gets separated from Chewie and meets Obi Wan (as Belarius) and Luke (as Guiderius/Arviragus).  Leia doesn’t know that Luke is her brother and after she falls ill she takes a potion given to Chewie by Palpatine that ends up making her fall into a dead sleep.  I can’t be bothered to explain why.  Thinking her dead, Obi Wan and Luke plan to bury her until Palpatine’s clone son, dressed as Han and looking for Leia, arrives and, because he is rude, gets his head cut off by Luke, who lays him (headless) next to Leia.  When Leia wakes up she thinks that Han is dead and, in great despair, Leia goes off and pledges herself as a page to Tarkin, who is leading the Empire’s fleet against the Hutts.  There is a big battle where Luke, Obi Wan, and Han kick ass, and at the end all mistaken identities are revealed, Palpatine dies and confesses his sins (not in that order), Han and Leia discover they were only tricked into thinking they didn’t love each other, and Leia still gets to strangle Jabba.  In conclusion, this is a batshit play.  Thanks Shakespeare.    

     Hamlet  

Well it’s not Anakin because he doesn’t take any time to ponder anything before killing the people who killed his parent.  He just kills them.  And not just the men, but the women, and the children too…

Ben Kenobi tells Luke that Vader killed his father.  Horrified by this information, Luke sets out across to Galaxy to confront Vader.  By act five Luke has stabbed the Emperor through a curtain (thinking him to be Vader), Vader and Luke have both been stabbed with a poisoned lightsaber, General Tarkin has drunk poison intended for Luke, and Princess Leia is knocking on the doors of the death star.  With his dying breath Luke tells his school friend Biggs (who Luke is not-so-secretly gay for) that he gives his vote for Leia to run the Galexy after he is dead.  At this point Ben Kenobi is beginning to wonder if maybe he shouldn't have lied to Luke about his father after all.  Also, R2 and 3PO are Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.  

     Henry IV, Parts I and II  

Han as Hal and Jabba the Hutt as Falstaff.  Hanging out with Jabba and his other lowlife friends has given Han a bad reputation.   Despite Jabba's insistence that they be partners in petty crime and enjoy all the entertainment and Corilian Rum the credits from their crimes can buy, Han must grow to realize that his friend is holding him back from his true place in the Galaxy and that he ultimately must turn away from his old (large) friend in order to become a General in the Rebel Alliance and to stand by its Princess's side.    

     Henry V  

Jyn and Cassian know, as their small band of brothers lands on the beaches of Scarif, that they are outnumbered ten to one.   Nevertheless, as they prepare to head once more unto the breach they are determined to make ten men feel like a hundred.  They know that if they are mark’d to die, they are enough to do the Rebellion loss; and if to live, the fewer men, the greater share of honour.  They fight valiantly and are able to bring the Rebellion hope by sending the plans for the Death Star to Princess Leia, but in the end none of them outlive that day, nor come safe home.  

     Henry VI, Parts I, II, and III  

Despite the threats posed by the Clone Wars, the Jedi look above all else to their religion, leaving the path open for their enemies to take from them their power and, ultimately, their lives.

     Henry VIII  

Obi Wan is Anakin’s first wife and Padme is Ann Bolyn.  Anakin cheats on Obi Wan and the Jedi Order with Padem.  When the world finds out (youngings’) heads will roll.

     Julius Caesar  

Snoke, Kylo, and Hux as Caesar, Brutus, and Mark Anthony.   Despite his pledged allegiance to Emperor Snok, Kylo turns against his master and stabs him with his lightsaber, inciting a power struggle between Kylo and Hux and some impassioned speeches to the gathered Storm Troopers.

     King John  

Palpatine as King John, Mace Windu as the Pope, and Anakin as the archbishop (and Hubert).  Palpatine, in order to assert his influence over the Jedi and to continue to bring Anakin under his power, insists that Anakin be appointed to the Jedi Council.  Mace Windu is furious that Palpatine would interfere in this way and attempts to “excommunicate” him from the Republic.  Anakin turns on Mace Windu and the Jedi Order, and Palpatine sends him to the Jedi Temple to kill the younglings (specifically a youngling named Arthur).  However, when actually faced with the task Anakin is unable to do so.  Instead he lies to Palpatine and tells him the younglings have been killed.

     King Lear  

Lear/Cordelia as Vader/Luke.  Vader is slightly (maybe a lot) crazy and angry and he tries to give his son, Luke, part of the Galaxy, providing Luke pledges his allegiance to Vader and the Dark Side of the Force.  Luke is not having it so Vader cuts Luke’s hand off.  In the end, after some battles, Vader realizes Luke is in the right just in time to die.

     Love's Labour's Lost  

By swearing off attachments and secluding themselves in their Temple, the Jedi believe they will better be able to learn from and serve the Force.  But then Qui-Gon Jinn meets Shmi Skywalker, Obi Wan Kenobi meets Satine Kryze, Ahsoka Tano meets Lux Bonteri, and Anakin Skywalker meets Padme Amidala.  Together they learn that attachments are not so easily avoided.

     Macbeth  

The Nightsisters, led by Mother Talzin, predict greatness for Darth Maul.  In fact, when he is apprenticed to Sidious, Talzin predicts that Maul will become the most powerful Sith Lord and that he will soon become the master, no longer the apprentice.  Fueled by this promised power, Maul, encouraged by his wife Lady Ventress, plans to kill Sidious.  However, he is disturbed by Talzin's predictions that while he may become more powerful than even Sidious, it is Sidious's future apprentice, Darth Vader, who’s children will defeat the power of the Dark Side.  Thinking himself invincible thanks to Mother Talzin's predictions he sees no reason to fear the two Jedi who arrive at the Naboo palace of Dunsinane in a ship called the Birnam Wood.

     Measure for Measure  

With the Empire not giving a fuck about the Outer Rims, Jabba is left to his own devices on Tatooine.  When Jabba captures Luke and tries to feed him to his pet Rancor, Jabba proposes a deal with Leia that if she stays with him he will let Luke go.  Already feeling that she is married to the Rebellion, Leia is torn between her love for the Alliance and her love for Luke.  Ultimately Leia decides she’s better off strangling Jabba while Luke blows up his ship.  Even though this isn’t what Mariana actuall does in the script it’s what she should do becasue fuck the patriarchy.    

     Merchant of Venice  

In a last-ditch attempt to save the Republic she loves, Padme comes before the senate and reminds them that 'the quality of mercy is not strained'.  She advises them that mercy 'is mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes the throned Emperor better than his robe: his lightsaber shows the force of temporal power, but mercy is above the lightsaber's sway".  Her impassioned speech reminds the senate to see past the blood lust fueled by Palpatine and the Clone Wars and Padme single handedly manages to avoid the death of democracy to thunderous applause.    

     Merry Wives of Windsor  

Jabba the Hutt is Falstaff.  That’s all.

     Midsummer Night's Dream  

Finn and Poe, both thinking they are in love with Ray, follow Ray to a forest planet.  Rose, in love with Poe, follows him.  In the forest R2-D2 and his young companion BB8 use trickery and (Force) magic to help the humans sort out this love triangle mess (yes, this does make C-3PO Titania). Finn and Poe realize that they are actually in love with each other and Ray reaffirms that she is a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man.  Rose gets left in the woods because J.J. Abrams forgets about her.  

     Much Ado about Nothing  

Leia/Han as Beatrice/Benedict.  Despite the seemingly daily war of words between Princess Leia and Han Solo in the hallways of Hoth’s Echo Base, it seems every Alliance member except the Princess and the smuggler knows that the two are in love.  While the verbal battles continue (some more sophisticated than others - Han’s only available comeback to Leia’s rather weak “scruffy looking nerf herder” jab being “who’s scruffy looking?”) Chewbacca, Luke, R2-D2 and a relatively confused and unwilling C-3PO ‘undertake one of Hercules' labours; which is, to bring Han and the Princess Leia into a mountain of affection the one with the other’.  By the end both Han and Leia are separately convinced the other is madly in love with them and relent (purely out of the goodness of their own hearts and not at all because of any feelings they might have) to save the other from their suffering and agree to marry them.  Also Jar Jar Binks is Dogberry - do not question it.    

     Othello  

In order to serve his own purposes, Palpatine manages to turn the righteous and lauded warrior Anakin Skywalker against his wife, Padmé Amidala, with whispered lies and deceits, resulting in Anakin choking and, ultimately, killing the woman he loves.  That’s it.  That’s the film.

     Pericles  

Anakin as Pericles, Padme as Thaisa, and Leia as Marina.  After fleeing from Mustafar with Padme, Obi Wan and Bail Organa watch helplessly as Padme gives birth to twins then, seemingly, dies.  Afraid to bring more attention on themselves from Sidious and his new apprentice, the men place Padme’s body in an escape pod and eject it near Jedha.  What they don’t know is that Padme is only mostly dead (which means she is a little bit alive).  When her escape pod is found by a young local force user named Chirrut Imwe he brings Padme back from the brink.  Knowing that her husband is dead to her and with no way to contact her children, Padme decides to dedicate herself to the Force at the ancient Jedi temple Chirrut and his husband Baze Malbus brought her to.  Meanwhile, Leia is raised by Bail and, when she is old enough, dedicates herself to the Rebellion (sorry guys, I just can’t bring myself to have Bail try to kill Leia).  However, when Leia is captured by the Empire she is brought before Vader.  They talk and compare stories, and through their connection in the Force they realize that they are father and daughter.  At the descovery of his daughter Vader decides ‘you know what, fuck the Emperer’ and casually destroies the Empire.  Then the Force leads Anakin and Leia to Jedha (which hasn’t been destroyed because of reasons).  There they discover Padme living in the temple of the Jedi.  After a tearful family reunion with Anakin, Padme, and Leia, the three eventually decide they had better go save Luke from spending the rest of his life as a moisture farmer on Tatooine.  

     Richard II  

Ben Solo as Bolingbrooke and Luke as Richard II.  Luke, hoping to raise Ben Solo in his image, is heartbroken when he senses the dark side in his nephew.  In a sudden and desperate attempt to keep the dark side from the world Luke banishes Ben (with his lightsaber).  Furious at Luke’s betrayal Ben turns to the dark side and destroys everything Luke has sought to build.

     Richard III  

Turning against his own family, Kylo Ren murders and betrays in order to obtain the position in the First Order he believes his lineage affords him.  Hux is Ann.

     Romeo and Juliet  

Finn has been raised to be a Storm Trooper since before he can remember.  All his life he has been taught to hate the Resistance.   Poe’s parents were Alliance members during the time of the Empire.  They raised him to stand against the First Order.  Finn and Poe thought they knew their beliefs, until the two meet and, despite all they have been taught to believe, fall desperately in love.  They are, quite literally, star crossed.  BB8 gets drunk off fermented oil and delivers a Queen Mab speech in exclusively beeps and whistles.

     Taming of the Shrew  

The Alderaanian Princess is a bit of a firecracker and has no time for anything in her life but the Rebellion.  So when a smuggler shows up and decides to try to win her over Anakin, who did not turn to the Dark Side, laughs and says he’s welcome to try.  Meanwhile, Bodhi Rook, Wedge Antilles, and Biggs Darklighter (yes, this IS his last name…) are all vying for Luke Skywalker’s attention.  When Luke goes to Anakin and wines ‘but daddy, I want to get married’ Anakin makes a new rule: “YOU’RE NOT GETTING MARRIED UNTIL LEIA GETS MARRIED!”.  In order to have a chance at marriage Luke must team up with Chewbacca to help Han tame Leia.  It doesn’t come as a surprise to anyone except Han that it is actually Leia who ends up doing the timing.  

     Tempest  

In (self-imposed) exile a grumpy, gray haired Luke hangs out on an island strong with the magic of the Force.  Ariel is a Porg.  

     Timon of Athens  

Despite the Clone Wars, Obi Wan Kenobi is glad to be well liked and surrounded by friends he trusts.  Then one day his friends (specifically his best friend and a bunch of clones) betray his ass.  So what does he do?  He runs off to the Outer Rim to the sandiest fucking planet he can find (because his ex-best friend hates sand) and spends the next 19 years being poor and grumpy.

     Titus Andronicus  

Seriously, the only story I know with more severed limbs that Titus Andronicus is Star Wars…

     Troilus and Cressida  

When Padme married Anakin Skywalker they exchanged vows, of course, but they also exchanged pieces of clothing.  It’s an old Naboo tradition that Padme’s mother loved and Anakin found cute, so why not?   It was a silly thing, but the sleeve Anakin gives her stays with Padme, folded neatly in a small box, as Anakin fights the Clone Wars throughout the Galaxy and Padme fights them in the Senate.  But then Anakin falls to Darth Sidious’s powers and when Padme confronts him he almost chokes her to death.  Almost.  After giving birth to two healthy children Padme, Obi Wan, and Yoda agree that it will be safest for the twins to be raised apart in order to better hide them from the Dark Side.  Obi Wan takes the boy to Tatooien and Padme’s friend Bail Organa takes the girl to be his adopted daughter.  Padme, seperated from her children, spends the next several years traveling the Galaxy, doing good where she can and keeping herself away from her children, afraid that her presence will endanger them.  But Darth Vader finally catches up with her.  She is captured by the Sith Lord and taken prisoner and her already shattered heart breaks once again when she is brought before him.  Her captor demands that she be his, insisting that she love him and give up her foolish affection for the foolish boy she met on Tatooine all those standard years ago.  To prove her new supposed devotion to Vader, the Empire, and the Dark Side of the Force, Vader demands Padme supply him with a token of her affection.  From her small pack Padme draws out a box with an old but neatly folded sleeve within. She hands it to the Sith Lord, a token of her love, in the hopes that it might remind Vader of the love Padme bears for another man.    

     Twelfth Night  

After escaping Darth Vader with the plans to the Death Star, Luke and Leia, twins raised together as royals on Alderaan, crash in their escape pod on Tatooine.  Believing her twin brother to be dead, Leia dresses as a man to better hide from the Empire.  She is hired by a handsome smuggler named Han Solo, who sends her as an envoy to the palace of Jabba the Hutt, hoping Leia can gain information about Han’s lost love Qi’ra.  Han is intrigued by his new hire and his apparent aversion to the Empire while under her disguise Leia finds she is falling in love with Han.  Jabba is confused about why this petite boy Solo keeps sending wants to know about someone named Obi Wan Kanobi, Chewie is considering changing up his single munitions belt style with some fancy cross-gartering, and somehow Luke ends up at Jabba’s in a slave bikini.

     Two Gentlemen of Verona  

Lance and Crab - Ray and BB8 on Jakku.  Ray, having no family to speak of, designates her left shoe to be her mother, her right shoe to be her father, her staff to be her sister, her hat to be their maid and she is the droid.  No, the droid is herself, and she is the droid - O, the droid is her, and she is herself.  Ay, so, so.  She plays out her imagined family life with shoes and staff, bringing herself to lonely tears. Now the droid all this while sheds not a tear nor speaks a word; but see how she lays Jakku’s dust with her tears.

     Winter's Tale  

Abandoned after his family exited pursued by a (space) bear, Baby Yoda finds a new protector and adopted father in Din Djarin, the Mandalorian.    

     Cardenio and Love’s Labour’s Won  

These two are the 6 hour uncut Phantom Menace because they are lost and I would give my first born child to see them.

     Sir Thomas More, The Spanish Tragedy, and Edward III  

All the books/legends - not because of the plot, but because although George Lucas had very little to do with them they are really only known, by those who know them, in association with him and his works.  There is a large debate by ‘scholars’ as to whether they should be accepted as canon or not.

     Bonus  

Chewbacca is ecstatic when he hears that an Alderaanian princess has taken up residence in the detention block of a nearby moon space station.  He hopes that this princess might be the perfect match for his handsome yet headstrong smuggler friend.  After all, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single Alderaanian princess in possession of a good fortune of Credits, must be in want of a husband.

I must give a huge thank you to my friends who put up with me while I did this and contributed fabulous ideas!  Vaxildamn, Dazingparadise, Kaethe, and Eric, I couldn't have done this without you!

[riddled-fingers]

Hm?? What’s this? A Fantasy!AU for The Brotherband Chronicles? You bet it is!

thanks to @agressivemacintosh for collaborating on this with me, and making an accompanying aesthetic here!

fun facts and info under the cut!

Hal = Selkie -Selkies, or “seal folk” were dwellers of the sea that were able to transform from seal to human, depending on where they wanted to roam. -In order to transform, Selkies need their seal-skin coat to return to the water. -Unfortunately for Hal in this AU, when he was very little, Tursgud stole his coat and hid it away, making it impossible for Hal to return to the seas. -Since then, Hal made it his goal to set to the seas as freely as before, which helped inspire him to create the Heron. - fun fact: the longer selkies are out of water, the testier they become

Stig = Golem -Golems are extremely strong creatures that are typically crafted from wood, stone, clay, or mud.  -When golems are created, a piece of paper is placed inside their head. Whatever is written on that piece of paper, the golem will do.  -In this AU, Stig’s mother, Hannah, wrote these words on this paper: “Be strong, be brave, be loyal.” - Stig was aggressive and irritable in his youth because he was unsure of what to make of his written goal. Other than his mother, he had no one to be loyal to. -thus, when he and Hal first met, and Hal saved his life, Stig basically devoted his life to him right there. -he continues to do so. - fun fact: golems are known to be very obedient, but can easily get out of control

Ingvar = Troll - Trolls are typically large, secretive beasts that dwell in mountains or caves in a small family group. - Trolls are usually known for being unhelpful to humans, secretive and aggressive - Obviously, this isn’t the case with Ingvar. - Ingvar is a gentle giant that has learned to be soft and kind with his words, knowing that his appearance isn’t very gentle at all. -Trolls are rumored for having bad eyesight - Ingvar does not turn to stone in the daylight - He grows moss and makes flowers blossom around him when he is happy - He is very close to the Earth and nature - fun fact: trolls are known for being afraid of lightning

Ulf and Wulf = Nachzehrers  - To make things easy to understand; a Nachzehrer is the German equivalent to a vampire. - Nachzehrers are typically created after a person commits suicide, or after an accidental death. It is also believed that a Nachzehrer was the first person to die in a plague outbreak - As for the twins, they were turned into Nachzehrers after an accident in which part of their house collapsed. -The two seem rather unharmed by the accident, although they are technically undead now.  - that sure sent their mother into a panic - However, at being given this second chance at life (and learning that they were basically immortal) the twins began wreaking havoc and causing more worry for their mother - fun fact: Nachzehrers are known to eat the bodies of the dead (fortunately something that the twins’ mother trained them out of)

Stefan = Cockatrice - A cockatrice is a mythical beast with the head and hind legs of a rooster, the wings of a dragon and the tail of a snake. - cockatrices can kill a person by breathing on them, and can cause significant damage through screaming at close distances - Stefan has never used his abilities to cause harm, but he has, of course, learned to perfectly mimic sounds and voices. - sometimes Hal makes him mimic the rooster’s crow so he can wake up the other members when they’re feeling lazy. - fun fact: Cockatrices are often confused with dragons and basilisks

Jesper = Elf - Elves are known as beings with magical powers and surprising beauty.  - Jesper is a nature elf - Elves can be sneaky and are sometimes mischievous  - Jesper uses magic, along with his impressive thieving abilities, to remain unseen and unheard - he is only able to create a small layer of sound-protection around his body, so hiding other people or holding loud objects (like jingling keys or bells) isn’t very easy - fun fact: elves are known to seduce unwary travelers

Edvin = Warg - Wargs are typically very large, destructive wolves that serve as mounts for humanoid creatures - however, in this AU, Edvin is essentially a werewolf-like being.  - He shifts to his more wolf-like form in moments of intense emotion - Edvin dislikes this form since he has large claws and is often unable to perform his tasks as cook and healer. - Due to this, Edvin has taught himself to be rather reserved so he doesn’t shift at random - His fur is very soft - fun fact: Warg may be translated to “cursed creature of the depths”

[ladykeane]

Bertie and Reg dress up for Halloween at Dahlia's!! and the party!!!

To the lovely Nonny who sent this, I profusely apologise if you’re not the massive weeb/animation geek that I am. But this idea stuck, and I couldn’t help myself!

Fair warning, it’s quite silly, most definitely cracky, and completely self indulgent…

There was a lesson given to me by my drama teacher at school, Mrs Irving, that has always stayed with me. The gist of her teaching was that a good actor must have a sort of dual consciousness. I suppose what she meant was that a chap should have the power to transform his mindset into that of the character he plays - and then just as easily slip back into his usual mental space, once the curtain falls. There must co-exist a Bertie-the-Wooster and Bertie-the-Prince-Hal within a single animal. Well, I suppose I have put this lesson to good use in my adult life, as I can attest that Bertie-the-Drone, Bertie-the-obedient-nephew and Bertie-the-seducer-of-certain-Jeeveses manage to be conjured at the drop of a whatsit.

A particularly surprising example of this dual consciousness wheeze occurred just recently, on the night of Aunt Dahlia’s annual Halloween bash. I suppose the lifted veil to the spirit world aided this shift of the Wooster disposish. (Well, the costume probably helped too, not to mention my dear auntie’s insistence that her party guests never drop out of character for the whole of the evening. That can make certain things a tad awkward, such as bathroom ablutions. One must ask: does Superman use the lavatory at all?)

I was given the scoop on the event by my ancestor over the phone, as I sat digesting a fourth-or-fifth slice of Reg’s birthday cake. (This year he had requested a Black Forest, and I have to say that I outdid myself. The leftover kirsch was also a boon.)

‘Super-groups?’ I asked. ‘You mean like the Travelling Wilburys?’‘No, young clot, I mean super-groups like the Avengers, Justice League, and their lycra-clad ilk. The group with the best costumes and most convincing delivery will receive a prize from your Uncle Tom and myself.’‘Ooh! And what is that?’‘For one, a cooking lesson with Anatole. Apparently he owed Reg a favour, and your man generously donated said favour to me.’I glanced an appreciative glance at my beloved, who sat perusing the W.H. Auden anthology I had given him.‘Secondly, a near-pristine Nintendo Gamecube, complete with controllers and a collection of best-selling game cartridges.’‘You mean the one you confiscated from Angela and myself? I still think that was an unfair punishment.’‘I say, it was entirely fair! Do you forget that I got stuck with the bill to clean your old headmaster’s office!? I am told that the stench of baked beans can still be detected throughout the school halls, to this very day! Anyway, I would advise you to get cracking. The competition will be stiff, I hear Angela’s little friends have been working on their costumes since August. Perhaps you and Reg could go as Batman and Robin!’‘Perhaps, auntie.’‘Well, pip-pip then. I’ve got many a fake tombstone and skeleton to haul down from the attic.’

As I hung up, Reg raised his head from his book. ‘I believe Mrs Travers has briefed you on this year’s Halloween festivities?’‘Indeed. She’s never offered a prize for the guests before. They’re real plums, at that. I reckon it would be well worth the splurge to get some first-rate togs.’‘May I ask what this year’s theme is?’‘Super-groups. By which I mean, groups of superheroes. She suggested we go as Batman and Robin! We’re already quite the dynamic duo, anyway. What d’you think?’

As I uttered these words, the Jeevesian brow began sinking south, until the look on his face chilled the lukewarm cup of tea sitting at my elbow.‘I should say not, Bertram.’‘Oh. Well… what about Danger Mouse and Penfold? You could be DM, of course.’‘I regret that I shall be unable to attend this year’s festivities. I have much to do to complete the Earl of Rowcester’s living will.’

Of all the paper-thin excuses! ‘Oh, don’t give me that Reg! What is it? You don’t care to be in the same room as all that brightly-coloured spandex? You fared just fine at last year’s “Stranger Things” soiree, and we were surrounded by a multitude of eighties fashion, at that!’(He made quite the dashing Steve Harrington, actually. Aunt Dahlia cast this Bertram as Dustin, so while I was able to tag after him all night there was an unfortunate dearth of snogging.)‘I am afraid I must insist. I do not care to be dressed in the bright, garish apparel that is requisite of superheroes.’

Given that it was the lowly rotter’s birthday, I held on to the flames that should have escaped from my nostrils. ‘Oh, very well, Reg. Have it your way.’ To ensure that none of my internal invective against him slipped past the Wooster lips, I left the flat for a sullen trudge about Mayfair.

***

That very evening, Bingo Little summoned self and several other Drones to dinner. He was in town with his husband Randy, to look for a property where they could spend their Winters. While the reports given indicated that all was spiffy within their NYC townhouse, Randy wanted to ensure that his paramour did not lose touch with his British roots. And I think I remembered him saying that his next novel was to be set in South Kensington, inspired by the likes of Richard Curtis and Hugh Grant. All rather convenient, no?

‘That Gamecube and cooking lesson with Anatole is as good as ours, lads. I have the perfect idea for our super-group.’ Here Bingo took a long sip of tea, leaving us in a state of eye-boggling suspense.‘Christ and his disciples?’ suggested Stinker.‘The Bloomsbury Group?’ queried Boko.‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?’ asked Gussie.

‘Better,’ Bingo finally replied, a rivulet of tea dribbling down his chin. ‘Do you know “Sailor Moon”?’

‘Sparkly schoolgirl with the pigtails? Yes, I recall watching the English language version with Angela sometimes. Quite a cheesy romp, that.’‘Oh, you ought to read the original manga ,’ said Boko. ‘A perfect blend of costumed superhero action and romantic high fantasy!’

For the next half hour, we were subject to Boko and Bingo giving us a full synopsis of the dratted space opera, complete with character studies, mythological references, and feminist overtones. Now, I have known my fellow Drones to sometimes possess hidden depths, but I was unsure whether this encyclopedic grasp of a Japanese super-girl-group was more of a mild pathology instead.

‘So,’ Bingo announced, ‘I believe I’ve figured out the perfect casting for each of us. I shall be Sailor Venus, of course, the soldier of love. Randy does call me his golden love god, after all.’ (Pause here for requisite retching.) ‘Gussie can be Sailor Mercury, given his general… wateriness. Boko’s love of house plants is perfect for Sailor Jupiter. And due to his spiritual calling, Stinker will be Sailor Mars, the shrine-maiden.’

I was trying to picture each of my chums kitted out in a colour coded schoolgirl costume. Perhaps we would score points for comedic effect, if nothing else.‘And what about me?’ I asked.‘Well, you’ll be our Sailor Moon, naturally.’‘Golly! I must say, Bingo, I’m quite chuffed to be given the starring role. I assume that it’s due to my former experience with drag, not to mention my theatrical prowess and general heroic gravitas.’‘Well… I suppose. It’s also because Sailor Moon is supposed to be a ditzy blonde crybaby.’‘Ah.’The judicious nods that the others gave were a tad insulting.

‘Does this mean that I’ll have to wax? ’ asked Gussie.

***

Now, if you’ve ever seen the much-celebrated cartoon, you’ll know that one of the highlights of every episode is the spangly transformation sequences, where each heroine morphs from humdrum schoolgirl into celestial warrioress. Our first go at donning the famous fuku was much less glamorous.

Boko knew a chap who knew a lass who worked at a highly-regarded fancy dress company. Apparently, many a masquerade-goer and cosplayer has raved about their beautifully crafted goods. As we trundled our way out their HQ on the tube, we were all in high hopes of scoring the perfect outfits. As it happens, the fitting session that followed made me appreciate just how inadequate the standard sizing of womens’ apparel really is.

Bingo and I had the best luck, but the costumes closest to fitting us were narrow in the shoulders and wide in the hips. Gussie managed to squeeze into one of the larger sizes, but resembled more of a wrinkly chicken sausage than a cute superheroine. (The skirt was appallingly short on him, and when he bent over to grab his phone from his bag I was quite traumatised.) Stinker, who is built akin to a silverback gorilla, utterly utterly destroyed the costume he attempted to yank on. I offered to foot the bill for that one, as a vicar’s salary can only cover so many breakages per month.

‘It’s no good, boys,’ sighed the seamstress who had patiently assisted us, ‘you’ll need to get these custom-made.’‘And how long will that take?’ asked Bingo.She put on a brave face. ‘I’ll do my best to get them ready for Halloween, but bear in mind I’ve already got a backlog of orders to finish.’‘Chin up!’ I replied. ‘I can probably ask a favour of the drag queen who did my costuming for “Legally Blonde” - Reg cut her a sweet deal with a new agent at the time. I’ll ask if she can source the shoes and wigs and things.’

A level of relief washed on to the girl’s face at this. I’d feel the same, if I were freed from the task of cobbling a pair of Stinker Pinker-sized red pumps.‘Even so, we’ll be cutting it close with this order. I doubt I’ll be done before the morning of the 31st.’‘Send me the bill for your energy drinks,’ I offered.‘It’s a deal.’

***

Time ticked on, and All Hallows Eve drew near. While I did my best not to harbour any full-on wrath against Reg at his blowing-off of the party, I couldn’t help but act a tad pipped towards him. Were lurid leotards and shiny accessories really so horrid?When he snuggled close to me on the sofa, I scooched away. When he dropped a kiss upon my map, my only response was tight-lipped disinterest. The blighter refused to compromise, so wherefore should this Wooster succumb to his entreaties? I took a lot of cold showers that week.

The big day came, and still nary a costume was yet received.‘5pm, she said,’ Boko told me, ‘and we’ll have to go and pick them up ourselves.’‘Hm, that is cutting it close. Well, bear up, old fruits! Leather Smalls will be along this arvo to do our make-up and hair.’‘Leather Smalls?’‘Didn’t I tell you? She’s part of an all-drag M People tribute act.’

If I can impart to you the experience of tubing it across suburban London in a long blonde, pigtailed wig, a full face of makeup, and masculine civvies, accompanied by four other similarly styled blokes, you probably wouldn’t doubt my claim that it was one of the more surreal experiences in my life. Halloween is not quite the big deal here that it is across the pond, so we got quite the share of wolf whistles, disapproving auntly glares, and ‘yaaaas, queen’s from our fellow travellers.

At last, at last, we arrived at Brinkley Court, freshly finished costumes in hand. The coloured lights, costumed crowd, and strains of ‘Monster Mash’ from within indicated a party already in full swing.As we entered the front door, I grabbed for the first bowl of sweets I could find, given my lowered blood sugar.‘That’s it!? Gawd, Bertie, you could have at least made an effort!’

Angela had grabbed one of the sweets from my hand and popped it in her mouth. I wasn’t quite sure who she was supposed to be, but her costume was really quite the thing.She was caked head-to-toe in light purple body paint, with a long wig in a paler shade of the same colour. A brilliant gem was affixed to her chest, and she wielded a long double-headed whip. I did not feel inclined to backtalk her.‘So who’ve you come as?’‘One of the Crystal Gems, obvs. Anyway, you need to go easy on those. Mum says that some neighbourhood bullies have been stealing sweets from the trick-or-treating kids, and she’s promised to recompense them.’‘What!?’My blood was now boiling - what lowly cad felt the need to scam helpless rugrats out of their jelly babies and smarties?

‘Oh, it’s awful,’ said Aunt Dahlia, swiping the remaining sweets from my hand and depositing them back in their bag. ‘I just saw Captain America crying his poor little eyes out, being comforted by Bucky Barnes. A whole evening’s worth of trick-or-treating swag, stolen from them by three nasty teenagers!’‘She means Thos and Edwin,’ Angela translated.‘What teenagers?’ asked Stinker.‘Some of the nastier upperclassmen from Eton, apparently. Captain America tells me that they have a reputation for bullying even the house masters and head teachers. Great brutes.’‘Rum,’ I said. ‘But, Aunt Dahlia-’‘Who?’I took in my auntie’s costume.‘But, Catwoman, hasn’t anyone tried to pull them up for it?’‘They’ve been too wily. I was told that they also egged the Emsworths’ place, running off onto Ham Common before anyone could catch them.’‘Travesty!’ cried Boko. ‘They can’t get away with this!’‘Too right!’ I said.‘Well? You lot are supposed to be the Sailor Senshi, aren’t you? You fight for love and justice, yes?’‘Er…?’‘You must transform, and thwart the damned villains!’

The Drones and I shared a look askance. ‘Um.’‘May I remind you, Sailor Moon, of the video games and French cuisine that are up for grabs for the group who best embodies their chosen superheroes?’‘Right ho. Moon Prism Power Make Up, then!’

***

We stampeded upstairs, bottlenecking on the landing, and Stinker stumbled noisily upon the top step. Into my old bedroom, and our everyday trappings were cast off in favour of our splendid, sparkly sailor ensembles.It was a bit of a muddle - the others needed help donning their padded brassieres, not to mention adjusting their skirts to preserve modesty. But after a few fumbling minutes, we were ready to go, as resplendent a team of magical girls as Brinkley Court had ever seen.

I allowed myself an indulgent linger before the full-length mirror. I really did look cute. The big pink bow was quite flattering to my proportions, and the blue skirt and collar set off my eyes nicely.‘Come on, Sailor Moon! We’ve got a contest to win!’With a flick of my pigtails, I was off.

Bursting out of Brinkley’s front door again, we charged into the gloaming. The place looks directly out over Ham Common, and on the great stretch of lawn, it did not take us long to spot the perps.

A juvenile, quivering Wallace and Gromit were surrounded by three of the largest, most grotesque teenage boys that I’d ever beheld. Though a good decade younger than myself, they looked to be twice my height and about four times my body weight. Most ghastly of all were their choices of costume: the ringleader was dressed as Pennywise the Clown, with his two lieutenants cast as Thanos and a zombie version of Napoleon Dynamite. I admit that the hint of rotten green brain showing through his blonde afro was an impressive use of make-up, but it did turn my stomach a tad.

Just before they could rip the trick-or-treat bags from the youngsters, I put a solid, heeled boot forward.‘Leave those beloved icons of childrens’ entertainment alone!’‘Hurrr,’ slurred Thanos, ‘check out the anime drag queens.’‘Wanna come party with us, girls?’ said Pennywise. ‘We got heaps of sweeties for the sweeties!’I puffed out my padded chest. ‘Never! I stand for love and justice! And… by the Code of the Woosters, I shall punish you!’

And so it began. We swooped upon them. Wallace and Gromit scarpered, and we were met with a barrage of large humbugs. When thrown with enough velocity, those things can leave a bruise.

Behind me, Gussie boldly came up bearing a large garden hose. He turned the nozzle on the head, but instead of dousing the monsters, the force of the spray was a bit too much for him, and he clung on for dear life as the hose thrashed about in his arms. He quickly went down in a self-inflicted mud puddle.

Stinker managed to plant a shiner of a right hook on Thanos. The brute staggered away, doubled over in pain. He threw off his plastic infinity gauntlet, upon which Stinker tripped magnificently, going pumps over skirt into the turf as well.

Boko fearlessly leapt upon Napoleon’s back, wrapping his noodly arms about an equally noodly neck. Napoleon bucked about like a bronco with a bad itch. Boko did his best to hang on, but the slippery satin gloves ultimately betrayed him, and the poor soul was flung off into a nearby rose bush.

The three monsters continued running from us. It was just me and Bingo now. We exchanged a silent glance of Sailor Senshi solidarity, as we pursued them towards a clump of oak trees.With a well aimed stomp, Bingo got Pennywise right in the oversized foot, with the heel of his pump. However, before I could back him up, the two lieutenants grabbed my chum and snatched his wig by its red ribbon, hurling it up into the branches of one of the trees.‘NOT MY VENUS WIG!’Abandoning the skirmish, Bingo pathetically began clambering up the branches to try and retrieve the thing. (I mean, it was a nice wig. And if it came back damaged, I would be owing Leather Smalls big time.)

And so, the beasts turned their attention to me. Three cruel grins bore down upon me like vultures on a dying wildebeeste. They looked like they could easily pummel me into a boneless mush, and not even feel it the next day. I’m not too proud to admit that I quivered in my heeled boots.‘What was that about punishing us, sweetie?’‘Let’s hang her from the branches by those stupid pigtails!’‘Yeah! And then we’ll-’

All of a sudden, something sleek and sharp came whistling through the night air. It popped Pennywise’s balloon, and struck Thanos right between the cheeks of his ample bum.‘Ow!’‘What the…’It was a fine, thin blade, attached to a deep red rose.

The four of us whipped our heads towards the source of the floral projectile. Imagine my total astonishment to perceive, perched upon a high stone wall before the radiant moon, none other than Tuxedo Mask. Gosh, he was splendid, with his billowing black cape and aura of general rakishness.‘How dare you blackguards steal from innocent children and assault these brave soldiers. Sailor Moon, I know you can defeat them.’‘But how, dash it!?’

He tossed me a bright pink plastic object. It took me a moment to discern that it was an external hard drive. It bore a little decal of one of those colourful cartoon pony characters.I looked back at the monsters, to find Pennywise agog.‘Wh… WHERE DID YOU GET THAT!?’‘Uhm…’‘Dude… is that what I think it is?’ said Napoleon.‘GIVE IT BACK!’ cried Pennywise.

Tuxedo Mask and I shared a single silent, meaningful glance, and I dropped the thing to the grass, raising my heeled boot above it, primed to smash.‘Well… I might, if you agree to apologise to every last child you terrorised, AND return their sweeties.’‘But we already ate some,’ said Thanos.‘Alright… maybe just give them a few quid, in that case. AND you’ll be cleaning the egg off Mrs Emsworth’s front stoop.’‘Anything, ANYTHING!’ begged Pennywise. ‘Please just give me back my-’‘NIGEL!!!’

A robust, sour-faced Jean Grey was stomping across the grass, her fiery gaze fixed on Pennywise.‘You have a lot of explaining to do, young man!’‘But Mum-’‘I should confiscate your little pony stories this instant!’‘No! Please…’‘Instead, you will do exactly as Sailor Moon says, and apologise to all the people whose Halloween you have ruined! You too, Cyril, Edgar! Don’t think I won’t be telling your mothers what you’ve done!’

The clown was dragged off by his ear to begin his penance, but not before he could snatch up his pink hard drive. Now that the leader had fallen, his two henchmen slunk along in his wake.

The Sailor Senshi had regrouped, and Angela, Thos, and Edwin (sorry, Amethyst, Captain America, and Bucky) had also dashed up to join us.‘You know who that was?’ said Angela, ‘Little Nigel Belfry. I went to St George’s with his big sister Diedre. Rotten little punk. One of the worst trolls in the online “My Little Pony” fandom too.’‘He bullies us all the time,’ said Thos.‘Well, dangle the name “Eulalie” in front of him. That’s his username on all the major MLP forums. Not sure he’d like that info getting out at Eton.’ Here she thumped me on the back. ‘Well done, Sailor Moon, you gave him the punishment that he sorely needed.’‘Oh, but I couldn’t have done it without…’I turned towards the stone wall. Of course, Tuxedo Mask had already biffed off. Probably to go hunt down the Silver Imperium Crystal or something.

***

Now that the drama had wound down, we finally had a chance to mingle. I got to take in the costumes of Angela’s group: Honoria was some sort of giant magenta woman with sunglasses and boxing gloves; Florence looked lovely and delicate in a gossamer tutu, and gleefully swung about a rather frightening spear; while Madeline was surprisingly dressed in drag - some charming little chap by the name of Steven, I think. The craftwork of their outfits was simply matchless, and they were clearly the ones to beat for the contest.

After Time-Warping and Thriller-ing and Caramelldansen-ing the night away, as well as quaffing some questionable looking cocktails with names like Chemical X and Radioactive Sludge, it was time to announce the winners of the costume competition.Uncle Tom (sorry, the 4th Doctor) killed the music, and tapped a fork against his glass of Chemical X to call for silence.Dahlia-or-Catwoman hopped up on the coffee table, to better survey the throng. ‘The door prize goes to Winnie the Pooh, who clearly misunderstood the assignment.’Spode-the-Pooh shuffled up to grab his bag of humbugs, and Madeline-or-Steven applauded wildly.

‘The runners-up are Wario and Waluigi, who regrettably stayed true to their despicable characters all evening!’Claude and Eustace collected their swag of Quality Street and Jack Daniels, fighting over who would get to carry them.

Angela and I exchanged a tense side eye. Could one of us really have been left out?

‘And the first prize… is a joint win, between the Crystal Gems and the Sailor Senshi! Come on down, ladies!’Well, everyone pooh-poohs nepotism until they benefit from it. Angela and I joined hands, and led our respective groups to their shared moment of glory. (And after a little bartering, we agreed to let the girls take the cooking lesson, while we scored the Gamecube. I know that Angela has long been an avid fan of Anatole’s show ‘Cuisine Inferno’.)

***

After a little more merrymaking, the music changed from novelty festive monster songs to the cheesy fodder of slow dancing. As couples began to pair off and pitch woo, a thought occurred to me: where the devil had Tuxedo Mask gone?

At the very least, I wished to thank the fellow. It was anyone’s guess as to how he had picked up on Nigel-or-Pennywise’s little secret, but he had truly been my saviour.

I squeezed through the waves of slow dancers, trying to keep my eyes peeled for a top hat or a black cape. Alas, the only capes I could spy were of bright and garish hues.

I escaped to the quiet of Brinkley’s large, rambling back yard, in the hopes of getting a little air. As I ankled along the gravelled drive in my heeled boots, I couldn’t help but let a little melancholy sink in. Despite my search for Tuxedo Mask, I well knew who I really wanted to spend this night with.I reached the fountain, ornamented by Aunt Dahlia’s favoured statue of Artemis, and plonked my sorry self down upon its edge.‘Sailor Moon… we meet again.’

He emerged from behind the shadow of the trees, and I leapt right up.‘Tuxedo Mask! Ah… I really did want to thank you for your help back there. Awful solid of you, old chap.’

He did not come closer. ‘You are most welcome. I had been charged with organising the family affairs of the Earl of Rowcester. I encountered his youngest son, who proved to possess a most malicious and scheming temperament. I felt the temporary acquisition of the lad’s most prized digital information would prove a useful bargaining chip at some juncture.’‘And right you were, Tuxedo Mask! What a bally stroke of genius you…’

He stepped forward, and removed his eyemask.

‘Bertram, I am sorry that I was so intractable about tonight.’‘Oh… Good Lord… Reg, I hoped so dearly that it was you!’

I flew to his arms. And Angela, the sneaky brat, managed to get a good number of happy snaps of Sailor Bertie and Tuxedo Reg locked in a passionate embrace.

‘Reg?’‘Yes, my moonbeam?’‘Keep the cape.’

[lcstarrcw]

Is that rome flynn? No, that’s roy harper, AKA arsenal from DC Universe! He appears to be 29. He has the abilities of expert archery, expert firearms & weapons handling, martial arts & moo gi gong,  which make them a powerful ally for the Fellowship. (OOC: lana, she/her, 21+, aest)

tw: drug addiction, death, loss of limb

this is based on new earth history but i’m very open to adding prime earth things like the outlaws, just message me so we can plot it out from a timeline perspective!

background ;;

roy never knew his mother, he doesn’t even know her name

his father was a forest ranger and was killed in a forest fire when saving people on the navajo reservation when roy was 2 years old

the navajo shaman, feeling responsible for him, took roy in and raised him as one of their tribe

recognising his natural talent in archery, brave bow trained him and roy practiced to no end. this only got stronger when green arrow came into the open - roy idolised him and followed his exploits without fail

when green arrow came to the reservation to judge an archery contest roy was determined to win but unfortunately was given a magnetised arrow and lost the final

however he helped stop a robber with a quick shot and impressed green arrow, who said even he couldn’t have reacted so quickly, and offered roy the opportunity to be his ward

oliver trained roy extensively to be his sidekick, dubbed “speedy”, and when brave bow died oliver became the only father figure in roy’s life

as he spent more time in the world of superheroes he met other sidekicks - robin, wonder girl, aqualad, and kid flash - together they formed the teen titans

after a while a series of events rocked things in roy’s life in the worst way - the team disbanded, his teenage sweetheart never progressed where he wanted and faded, and then his only parental figure, the man he’d admired since he was a child, abandoned him to travel the country with hal and dinah, leaving his teenage ward alone and struggling

it was during this time that roy developed a heroin addiction. when oliver returned and found out about his addiction, rather than offer any kind of help or support, oliver hit him and kicked him out.

fortunately hal found him and took him to dinah, and with her help and his determination to prove oliver wrong, roy quit cold turkey and turned his back on his former mentor, his hero worship absolutely shattered.

after a couple of years roy was recruited to work as a government agent with the CBI, and was tasked with investigating and gaining the truth of jade nguyen, aka cheshire

the two fell in love while he was undercover, and as a result roy knew he couldn’t possibly turn her in but was worried that his presence was putting her in danger and abandoned her, not realising she was pregnant with his child

eventually he found out about his daughter and teamed up with an old friend to find her. cheshire captured and poisoned roy but fortunately he was rescued and given the chance to meet his daughter, lian.

after this he moved on from his speedy moniker, picking a new name for himself - arsenal

his life has been up and down since then, in and out of various teams, generally related to the titans here and there, but the one constant has always been lian, and there’s nothing roy wouldn’t do for his daughter

when lian was five there was attack on the justice league by prometheus. while the teams were coordinating a plan roy stepped away to call lian and say goodnight. after he spoke to her he was attacked, losing his arm in the attack and falling unconscious. by the time he woke up, lian had been killed, and his whole life fell to pieces

it was made that much worse when oliver killed lian’s killer, robbing roy of the chance of getting his revenge for his daughter’s death

it was after lian’s death that he relapsed, falling back on drugs to try and find a way to cope with the loss of his daughter, turning away from all of his friends. during a forced stint in a rehab centre roy breaks out and sets himselfon finding some kind of revenge for lian’s death, heading out to murder an associate of prometheus, his methods brutal and much more violent

eventually he’s guilted by cheshire to join slade wilson’s new titans, who is finding a way to save joey, only agreeing to help because slade insists the machine he’s building will be able to bring lian back

after they create the machine and save joey, slade offers to bring lian back but roy refuses, realising he’s just spent all of this time punishing himself for lian’s death, instead stepping back and choosing to work with joey to reform the titans and work through things a day at a time

recovering has been a little harder with the world falling into a state of disaster and gotham in such a mess, but roy’s still working at it, still trying to process the loss of his daughter and the colossal disaster they’re all facing

[aliteraryprincess]

Echo North by Joanna Ruth Meyer

Warning: Contains spoilers

Welcome back to Fairy Tale Friday!  Today we’re looking at a retelling of “East of the Sun and West of the Moon,” which was a runner-up in July’s poll.  While we have looked at a “Beauty and the Beast” retelling and the two tales are closely linked, this is the first actual “East of the Sun and West of the Moon” story for this feature.  Let’s get started!

As a Retelling:

Most versions of this tale focus on the youngest daughter out of many children.  At the very least, she is the youngest of three daughters.  However, our title character, Echo, is one of only two children and the only daughter.  In another deviation from the original tale, Echo’s mother is dead.  In the most well-known version of the tale, it is the heroine’s mother who convinces her to light the candle.  Echo’s father remarries a woman named Donia early on in the story, and this provides the story with some “Cinderella” undertones.  Donia is awful to Echo and ends up driving the family to poverty with her reckless spending.  Part of Donia’s cruelty toward Echo is her nastiness about injuries Echo received as a child.  While the heroine of “East of the Sun and West of the Moon” is described as beautiful, Echo is the opposite.  When she was young, the wolf attacked her and permanently scarred her face.  There is also a major difference in how Echo comes to live with the wolf.  In the fairy tale, the bear comes to the house and asks for the heroine in exchange for wealth.  The situation in the book is more similar to “Beauty and the Beast.”  Echo’s father goes on a trip and doesn’t return when expected.  After a fight with her stepmother, Echo runs away in a snow storm and comes across her father lying unconscious in the woods.  The wolf offers to ensure he is rescued if Echo comes to live with him, and she agrees.      

At first the enchanted man appearing as a wolf might seem like a large deviation from the original tale.  The white bear has become the iconic symbol of “East of the Sun and West of the Moon.”  However, while the bear is the most well-known, many other animals appear in variations of the tale, including: a bull, a snake, a dog, a pig, and a wolf.  I couldn’t find a country of origin for the tale “The White Wolf,” but Andrew Lang collected it in The Gray Fairy Book.  Our wolf is named Hal when in his human form, and we actually get to meet him and see Echo interact with him.  Though he can only take his human form at night when he is asleep, a part of him resides in the library’s mirror-books.  Echo gets to know him and falls in love with him in the world of stories.  This is reminiscent of Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve’s original The Beauty and the Beast, in which Beauty gets to know the prince through her dreams.  As with the most well-known versions of the tale, the wolf sleeps in Echo’s bed each night.  However, Meyer does make this a little less creepy.  Instead of entering her room and climbing into her bed without permission, the wolf is upfront about it and originally sleeps on the floor.  It is only after she’s gotten to know him that Echo invites him into the bed since it is so cold out.      

While “East of the Sun and West of the Moon” features a troll queen who enchants the prince, Echo North has the Wolf Queen, who is half wolf, half human and has powerful magic powers.  In the fairy tale, the troll queen is the prince’s stepmother and wants him to marry her daughter.  In other variants, including the English “Black Bull of Norroway,” the woman is of no relation and sometimes isn’t even involved in cursing him.  In the earliest known version of the tale, “Cupid and Psyche,” it is actually Cupid’s mother, Venus, keeping the lovers apart.  Meyer does not place the Wolf Queen in a maternal role to Hal; instead, she is his former lover. He fell in love with her and she tricked him into agreeing to be a wolf by day and a man by night for a century.  The way out of the curse follows what we know well from the fairy tale: a human girl must live with him for a year without seeing his human form at night.  If he succeeds, he is free; if not, he must marry her daughter, Mokosh.  However, Meyer does include a twist on this that I’m actually not going to reveal here because I don’t want to ruin the surprise.     

In most versions of the fairy tale, it is a member of the heroine’s family that convinces her to light the lamp or candle.  In “East of the Sun and West of the Moon” it is her mother, and in “Cupid and Psyche” it is her sisters.  This is not the case in Echo North.  In fact, unlike most tales of this type, Echo does not return home until the very end of the story.  Instead, it is Mokosh, the Wolf Queen’s daughter, who convinces her.  Echo also meets Mokosh in the mirror-books, and the two become friends without Echo realizing who she is.  I’m really glad that Meyer chose to flesh out the character of the troll queen’s daughter.  Mokosh’s motivations are complicated; on one hand, she genuinely like Echo, but she has also made a deal with her mother.  If she marries Hal, the Wolf Queen will make her entirely human; this is why she tells Echo to light the lamp.  However, she also believes Echo has the power to defeat the Wolf Queen and even says so to her mother’s face.  Meyer could have chosen to boil it all down to a love triangle, and it’s great that she didn’t.  What she has done creates deeper characters and a more meaningful story.

As in the fairy tale, the Four Winds play a significant role in the story.  In “East of the Sun and West of the Moon,” the heroine rides to the castle on the North Wind.  Echo is also brought to the Wolf Queen’s domain by the North Wind, but Meyer puts a twist on this as well.  Early on in the story, we are introduced to the story of the Four Winds.  The North Wind was the most powerful of all, but he gave up his power to the Wolf Queen for mortality so he could be with the woman he loved.  After Hal is taken by the Wolf Queen, Echo seeks out a storyteller named Ivan for more information.  Ivan agrees to travel with her in exchange for her story.  At the end of the journey, he reveals that he is the North Wind and some of his powers are returning.  Ivan and his three brothers play a vital role in the climax.  It is with their help that Echo is able to free Hal from his curse, and they are ultimately the ones who defeat the Wolf Queen by stripping her of her powers and turning her into a normal wolf.  

The way in which Echo frees Hal is probably Meyer’s biggest deviation from the fairy tale.  In “East of the Sun and West of the Moon,” the heroine trades items to the troll princess in exchange for sitting in with the prince at night so she might speak to him.  The first two times he is kept asleep by a drink given by the princess, but he does not drink it the third night and the two come up with a plan.  When the girl lights the candle, a few drops of tallow fall on the prince’s shirt, and only she can wash it out.  Before wedding, the prince requests that his bride-to-be wash the shirt, but she, her mother, and all the other trolls are unable to.  The heroine comes in and washes it, and the troll queen destroys herself and all the other trolls in her rage.  Both the shirt washing and the three nights are seen in many variants of the tale.  Also common is the heroine completing several impossible tasks such as sorting a huge pile of mixed grain, which is one of Psyche’s tasks set by Venus.  Meyer doesn’t use any of this, instead drawing on another story: the Scottish ballad “Tam Lin.”  Though this is not considered a variation of the “East of the Sun and West of the Moon” type tales, it does have some similarities.  Tam Lin is taken by the Queen of the Fairies and his true love sets out to rescue him.  She saves him by holding on to him even as he is transformed into all kinds of beasts.  This is how Echo saves Hal.  She makes a bargain with the Wolf Queen: if she can hold onto Hal for three days, the curse is broken, and if she fails, both of them will belong to the queen.  During the three days, the Wolf Queen does turns him into all kinds of ferocious creatures, but she also makes Hal reveal something that hurts Echo terribly.  Again, I won’t say it here because it’s a great twist.  Despite it all, and with some help from the Four Winds, Echo prevails and saves Hal.                   

My Thoughts:

There are some truly amazing concepts in this book and they were all executed really well.  The mirror-books...I want them!  Why are these not real?!  Basically, Echo is able to enter these books and live out the story beside the characters.  Or, if she wants, she can go off and do something else in the world of the book while the story goes on elsewhere.  It’s so cool!  I also really liked how Meyer uses the house.  As in the fairy tale, Echo only needs to ask for things and they will appear.  But as Hal’s curse nears it’s end, pieces of the house start to fall away.  He and Echo try to save what they can by using magic to bind the rooms.  This makes for some really great action scenes, and it’s just a really interesting use of the magical house from the original.  

As I mentioned, Meyer uses some great twists throughout this book.  My mind was absolutely blown by the big reveal in the climax.  Again, I’m not going to say what these twists are because that’s just more spoilers than I’m willing to give.  But I think Meyer handles all of them well.  Even though they caught me off-guard, looking back I can see where she added hints right from the start of the story.  I always appreciate when a book can surprise me, especially a retelling since I obviously already know the story.  These twists are what made the book a 5 star read for me.

While I did love the relationship between Echo and Mokosh, I wish we had seen more of it.  A lot of their time together in the mirror-books is glossed over.  Even though we know they spend time together, we don’t get to see their friendship develop as much as I would have liked.  I think it would have been nice if some of their adventures were fleshed out a little more.  This is probably a minor nitpick since their relationship isn’t at the center of the story.  However, I was actually more interested in their friendship than I was in the romance between Echo and Hal.  And Mokosh is such a complicated and intriguing character!  But this is my only complaint with the whole book, so that is pretty good!

My Rating: 5 stars

Other Reading Recommendations:

The starred titles are ones I have read myself.  The others are ones I want to read and may end up being future Fairy Tale Friday books.  To keep the list from getting too long, I’m limiting it to three that I’ve read and five that I haven’t.

Other Retellings of “East of the Sun and West of the Moon”:

East by Edith Pattou*

Sun and Moon, Ice and Snow by Jessica Day George*

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas*

Ice by Sarah Beth Durst

Mistress of the Wind by Michelle Diener

West of the Moon by Margi Preus

Curse of the Troll by Emma Hamm

The Illuminated Heart by Thea van Diepan

More Books by Joanna Ruth Meyer:

Beneath the Haunting Sea

Beyond the Shadowed Earth

About the Fairy Tale:

Beauty and the Beast: Classic Tales About Animal Brides and Grooms from Around the World by Maria Tatar*

Beauty and the Beast Tales From Around the World by Heidi Anne Heiner

The Meanings of “Beauty & the Beast”: A Handbook by Jerry Griswold

Coming in September:

This is obviously out much later than I intended.  I’d planned for this to be one of two Fairy Tale Friday posts for August.  But I started my graduate program this month, and it’s going to take up a considerable amount of my time.  So I’ve decided to cut down to one Fairy Tale Friday post per month.  September’s fairy tale will be “Snow White and Rose Red” and October’s will be “The Princess and the Pea.”  After that I will post a new poll.  Thank you everyone for your patience!   

Have a recommendation for me to read or a suggestion to make Fairy Tale Friday better?  Feel free to send me an ask!

[hootpoop12]

Theory time

Alright, so we all know through the context of this being written in a fanfiction/a03 format that this is all a play about canon VS fanon. What is a little hard to decipher is what are the things that are plays off fanon and which qualities are the true aspects of the characters(canon)? ANYWAY here are just a few of the things I am ASSUMING are plays off fanon based on my years in the fandom and sheer obsession of consuming this shit (trigger warning for everything taken place in the epilogue FYI):

-Dave: I think some of the main aspects of fanon influencing his epilogue version is intertwined with “woobifying”, “Slow burn”, and even possibly even “sexuality”. 

        -Woobifying is a fandom concept of reducing a character to “a cinnamon roll too pure for this world” someone you wanna baby (often applied to trans guy characters whether canon or headcanoned). This one is a bit of reach I’ll admit because it DOES makes sense that after years of living with Karkat the dude would soften up but there were times in the epilogue even Dave admits he’s gotten softer and the dude just plain out was very passive. In my time I’ve seen tons of depictions of Dave as a lot more emotional than shown in the comic or a lot more woobified in fics (like in meteor fics where he often has very dramatic emotional outbursts) By the way this is NOT me shitting on you if you like viewing Dave in that way because a lot people with trauma relate to him and use him for “cathartic release”(me fucking too lol). It’s more a guess/observation of maybe why he’s developed in this way due to the comic now being a strange sponge absorbing all fanon, good and bad, into it weird ass grasp.

        -Slow burn is likely the trope that plays into why the hell it took so fucking long for him AND Karkat to admit their feelings. If you have literally ever consumed Davekat content I’m sorry but 99% of it is slow burn lmao every meteor fic is pining, every coffee shop AU is the budding of a lifelong partnership, and every Harry potter furry inflation pwp crossover WHATEVER fic is 10k words building of sexual tension like......To bring their other relationships in canon into this we can see that Dave was able to flirt with Jade and Terezi and entered a relationship with them at a pretty normal rate WHICH can totally be attributed to the fact he views them as girls and himself as heterosexual so was much more comfortable making a move- sure. Looking at Karkat, however, and you see the dude is a little shy about romance sure but he was still able to flirt with Terezi and make awkward moves on John so like......I can’t help but to feel like something outside (us?) was influencing them?

        -Sexuality is another sort of reach but I think it’s something to consider. In terms of the comic....when exactly DID canon end? You could argue at the end of act 7.......or the moment John used his retcon powers to create a new timeline. Fandom Dave (on the tumblr side at least) was usually consider queer and a lot people shipped Dave with another dude. Perhaps John going back and rewriting canon helped bring our influence over Dave’s sexuality into the comic? I remember finding out Davekat was canon and confirming my “Dave is bisexual” headcanon and just thinking in wonder how it felt like Hussie was plucking my desires straight from my head and incorporating them. Which made me HAPPY by the way. If this is anywhere even near truth it’s not like he didn’t do a fantastical and natural job of incorporating it into the comic which shows how “incorporated fanon” is not a totally horrendous thing. The comics always done it with fandom memes and such. 

-Rose Lalonde. Not too sure what fanon influenes were brought onto her to be honest? In candy she was almost like a creepy stepford wife which is. Bizarre to me. Rose is the most contrary and rebellious character so seeing her settle down like that (OR FUCKING DOING SOME GUYS LAUNDRY) is a little strange. In meat she insists that she is an individual despite being married but that could have EASILY been Dirk’s influence? Also her biggest fandom stereotypes off the top of my head is Know-it-all smug meddler, alcoholic, and elegant. Really none of that was applied so still need to consider her more. The most damning thing however is where is all the piss?? If you look at the amount of piss kink rose fanfiction one has to wonder......and I can’t even continue this joke.

-Jade Harley: Gonna keep it real with ya’ll. I feel like this epilogue gave Jade Harley way more character. She wasn’t given much in canon except for lonely silly girl so it makes sense to me why she’d grow up desperate for physical bonds and inserting herself into relationships. I liked her telling John that she wasn’t some princess in a tower anymore cause it shows she KNOWS how everyone has always viewed her and that’s a little sad. As for tropes around her character.....yep people pleaser, silly girl, hippie, shoved aside for literally any other character......Need to think about her more, too. 

-Jake fucking English. What even is there to say? He more than anyone was influenced by fanon and it doesn’t take too much thought to see how. In a lot of fandom jokes and in fanfiction he is basically treated as a stupid piece of meat. I genuinely don’t read much fanfiction about him except from a trust few fans who I know care about him and will write him in a full rounded way. In any case we see a single moment in which Jake has this oppressive narrative taken away from him and it was when he was talking to Dave and Karkat during their election conversation. If that wasn’t already hard enough to read we can look back at the implied rape that took place with him in the beginning of Jane’s relationship with him or over the course of it. John, the one person supposedly not influenced by fanon as he’s still tied to the comic via retcon powers, is even the one to tell people that Jake is basically being raped. So yeah. Good times. I’ll get to Dirk in terms of Jake in a moment L M A O. Imagine that being the saddest lmao you ever just read.

-Jane Crocker: Welp hope you weren't a Jane fan lmao. What can I say except it FEELS like all the subliminal messaging really got to her and she’s like......warped by the condesce? I think if in the comic they showed more of her political takes then maybe this wouldn’t have come as such a shock. Like, I flat out am disgusted by her character now? She’s a facist, abusive, rapist(that was hint, unfortunately)? WOW good take homestuck writting staff?? I mean I know one of you used to write like incest pedo rape porn but aight??????????? Anyways in fanon Jane is treated as the girl who gets in the way of dirkjake so kinda that early 2000s bitchy yaoi girl brand, boring person in the background, or the hottie. They obviously kept saying she was “easy on the eyes” so there’s the hottie trope but that’s about it.

-Roxy Lalonde: Out of ALL the Alphas they fucking escaped with their goddamn dignity PFFT. So in terms of tropes: trans Roxy, alcoholic, and flirty “boy obsessed”. 

        -So with trans Roxy this is like Dave’s sexuality thing I discussed where a widely celebrated headcanon influenced canon and that not necessarily a BAD thing. Like I said, this theory is that canon is just absorbing fanon for better and for worse. I saw people were bummed they weren’t a trans girl but I am actually down with this for two reasons. 1) being all those memes “what’s your gender?” “the void” and 2) a part being friends with someone who’s trans is.....not being used to seeing them as the gender they actually are but taking the time to learn these new unfamiliar pronouns- and get the fuck over it. It’s their choice and you just gotta accept it despite your feelings. 

        -alcoholic Roxy was not at all incorporated which is the biggest fanon about her (not as much in recent years thankfully) so honestly? Kinda diminishes my argument. It’s not like the writers were worried that tossing out their progress as person was bad writing lol look at Dirk.

        -Flirty Rox. In candy they were SUPER fast moving in their relationship with John and despite towards the end they said that Dirk dying made them wanna do something with their life I just....don’t buy it? Mainly because john who is uninfluenced by the fanon tropes even noticed how fast they were moving and how stepford agreeable wife she’d become. 

-Dirk Strider. Aight. So. Here we go. fandom tropes are controlling puppet master, abusive, and cold/uncaring.

        -Dirk is a naturally controlling man, yes. Every version of himself struggles with this, yes. Even if we work on issues does not mean old flaws will never leak out, yes. However, after in the comic itself we see conversations with some of his closest companions and the effort he was making and ready to continue making was completely obliterated. Dirk is someone who takes his projects a little too seriously so why would he toss out this one- the most important one in his life? ANYWAY........Dirk in canon is shown that he’s also not great at multi-tasking or really anything that he really makes himself out to be AMAZING at. Don’t get me wrong I actually view Dirk as a complement dude cause he did get all the alphas into the session in a smoothish fashion (yes hal is him so it still counts) but, like, even when Dirk sounds like an AWESOME engineer to Jake he even admits that he basically had the future’s technology to help and it wasn’t that impressive. So now he’s claiming he’s the BEST? Wack.

        -Abusive Dirk......The sheer amount of people in the fandom who still misconstrue his character as heartless and the sheer amount of fanfiction of sociopathic Dirk might’ve done something. If he is truly becoming his “ultimate self” and he is heart aspect.....all these fanfiction splinters are getting applied to him as well, ya’ll. INCLUDING one of the epilogues writers who literally used to write fanfiction depicting Dirk as a brutally abusive and manipulative version of himself. With the similarities between their big fic and the homestuck epilogue I can’t help but to wonder if they’re subtly trying to incorporate that? After all Alt Calliope goes into detail about how the writer/narrator is IMPORTANT and when one is someone who enjoys viewing dirk as such....well who’s to say pfft Everything about how Dirk treated Jake was some of the most shocking to me. How did you get the guy taking most of the blame for a relationship gone wrong to a man who in a very rapey way makes someone obsessed with him, stupid, and unable to ever receive respect? Horrifying stuff to read, lads. It makes much more sense to me if you look at this fandom’s perceptions on DirkJake. My god there are some bad takes and there’s a whole section of the fandom who was hellbent on making the ship out to be the most problematic ship to ever occur. So whereas in the comic you have Dave pointing out that both sides had issues and everyone was willing to talk things out you had half the fandom insist that it was all Dirk’s fault and he just COMPLETLY forced himself on an unwanting Jake. Yep, sound familiar?

        -cold uncaring. yep tons of depictions of Dirk being cruel to his friends and family and sorry but go reread Homestuck I don’t even know what to tell you if you actually believe that. There’s literally nothing here I could write to help you. As if the whole thing about his character isn’t about how the people around him helped prevent him becoming like that and he hasn’t said in a dozen different ways how much he loves them and wants to treat them better. Get out of here with that shit lmao 

I guess all can be said about Dirk at this point is either 1) the absorption of the vast amount of terrible Dirk depictions from ascending to his ult self has warped him 2) he’s playing a villain just because Homestuck being over means not existing which TERRIFIES him and existing is a higher priority than treating the people around him right or 3) caliborn influence

        1) For the ascending I’m pretty sure this is the theory that’s gonna be right

        2) playing the villain is probably not what it is because on twitter all of the writers are saying the transphobia is literally just him and they’re boosting a lot of theories say “this is a story about friends you love disappointing you and you moving on” So. Yeah. Take that depressing nugget of information. (I literally will be fucking dead inside if that really is where this story is taken. No joke I will probably quit this fandom lol don’t know if any of you really know how big that is for me to say

        3) Caliborn? eh maybe who the fuck knows after typing that last bullet point out I’m too bummed to continue this hah

[coolrunnings87]

The Korean Demilitarized Zone is one of the most dangerous places on Earth. Established after the end of the Korean War, it runs the entire border between North and South Korea. It spans a distance of 160 miles long and 2.5 miles wide. The Korean War, which lasted from June 25, 1950 to July 27, 1953, did not declare a victor. Neither side has admitted to defeat although both sides have suffered significant losses. An armistice was signed between both sides declaring a cease fire. No peace treaty was signed and to this day, both sides are technically still "at war" with one another. For this reason, both sides of the DMZ are heavily fortified with troops, pillboxes, landmines, and a plethora of defensive weapons aimed at keeping both sides out of the others. 

 

Of this dangerous stretch of land, the only area which establishes somewhat of a communication between both sides is the Joint Security Area located in Panmunjom. It is here where the Military Demarcation Line can be seen; it being the literal border between the 2 countries. The MDL, which in this area is a slab of concrete in the middle of the 2 sides, is all that divides the North from the South. On either side of this Demarcation Line, KPA (Korean People's Army) and ROK (Republic of Korea) soldiers stand poised and constantly stand guard facing each other in an apparent motive to intimidate the other side. Tensions are at their highest in this part of the DMZ. 

 

It is here where our story begins. Where we learn of 2 brothers.

 

JOINT SECURITY AREA, PANMUNJOM, SOUTH KOREAN SIDE

 

The visitors have left for the day. No more tours or historical videos. No incessant chatter of spoiled children. No snaps of camera shutters engulfing the natural silence. It was finally time for Chow Yong Hak's shift as the central MP. He was to relieve the current central MP in the center. He takes off his Army uniform and dons the MP uniform left out for him. Armed with a pistol and Aviator sunglasses, he steps out, relieves his fellow soldier, and takes his place. Draining his face of all emotion, he stands, legs slightly apart, fists clenched and stares down the North Korean soldier facing him.

 

Being the center MP entitles one to a high honor. And with the honor comes the responsibilities. The requirements to be an MP at the JSA meant being at least 5 '8 tall, be able to stand for long hours and to be highly trained in Tae Kwon Do which he learned from his Army training. Chow was always proud to serve as the MP and to proudly show his allegiance towards the South. He enlisted in the Army and scored highly on aptitude tests. When he learned he was to be sent to Panmunjom, he was ecstatic. It was always a dream to be able to stare down the regime that destroyed his family's happiness.

 

RYANGGANG, NORTH KOREA, 1953

It was in 1953 near the end of the War that Chow's grandmother gave birth to his father Han Yong Hak. Han’s father fought in the KPA during the war and lost his life during a mortar strike. Han grew up on the North Korean side in a small village near the Chinese border. He met his wife Ki Yung Sun in the village and they were wed after 2 months of courtship. Life was tough, even after the war, as there were constant food shortages, electrical blackouts, and inconsistent running water. Although these hardships affected them daily, they were still able to have children and as such, gave birth to 2 sons in 1982. With his mother, wife, and 2 infant children, Han made a life for himself; until the day came when everything fell to pieces.

 

Barely 2 years had passed since his sons had been born when KPA soldiers banged on the door to their house demanding entry. They revealed to Han that Ki’s father had unsuccessfully tried to escape the North and cross into China; a highly illegal act of sedition. Because of his treasonable acts, he and his immediate family were to be sent to the Yodok concentration camp for re-education and hard labor.

 

The reason for Ki’s arrest is due to the law in North Korea which states that if any person is found escaping, escapes, or defects to another country, their entire family is held responsible for their actions and are punished just as much as the defector. This method is used to discourage individuals from escaping due to the danger they put their families in who stay behind.

 

Han could not believe it. He pleaded and begged the guards to have leniency in the matter, stating that he was a loyal party member and that his wife had never spoken out against the government or Kim Il Sung. The pleas fell on deaf ears as the guards dragged his wife out of the house crying and screaming and threw her into the back of their truck. Han tried to intervene and stop the guards and was met with the butt of a rifle. She was holding one of her sons while she was being dragged out and hoped they wouldn't hurt her because of the child. The guards noticed that the child did not cry even while this horrific ordeal was being carried out. To further test the strength of the child, one soldier took out a knife and nicked a small cut on the child’s cheek. Blood started to ooze out of the wound and Ki began crying hysterically but the child did not. He did not cry once. He merely stared down the soldier looking at him.

 

“He’s strong, this one. We’ll find use for him”, said the KPA official to his comrade. And with one final look, threw the child into Ki’s arms, closed the truck on both of them, and drove off.

 

Han felt like he had just lost his soul. With his wife gone and possibly never coming back and his son being brainwashed in education centers, his life went from harmony and peace to turmoil and anguish. The country that he grew up in and convinced him that they were looking out for his best interests had just taken away the 2 most important people in his life for no reason whatsoever. This was not the country he loved anymore. This…was Hell. 

With nothing left for him in the North, he fled. Carrying his ailing mother on his back and Chow in a makeshift backpack strapped to his chest, Han crossed the icy Tumen River and sneaked his way into China. From China he took a train to Mongolia where North Korean refugees are granted asylum. From Mongolia, he took a plane to South Korea and landed in Seoul a few months after escaping.

 

It is impossible for North Koreans to seek any kind of refuge within China. China has an agreement with North Korea in which any North Korean refugee found in China is to be arrested and deported back to the North. This deportation for most is a death sentence as defection and escape are highly offensive crimes that are met with severe punishment.

 

PRESENT DAY

SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA

 

Chow was very young when his father escaped from the North and as such, has no idea what happened to his mother and brother. His father and grandmother raised him. Han did not seek marriage again as he was emotionally and mentally scarred forever from the experience that ripped his wife and son from his life. As Chow grew older, his father became more and more distant, often going for days without saying a word to anyone and simply staring out the window and listening to the sounds of the birds. On days that he would speak, he would only say one word. “Kim.”

 

“Father who is Kim?”

 

“Kim…Kim…Kim…Kim”

 

“Father, Kim is not here. Who is Kim?”

 

“Kim…Kim…Kim…Kim”

 

This would go on for hours until finally he would speak himself to sleep. Chow had just come home from his shift and had a few days off before returning to the border when his father had woken up from his nap.

 

“Hello father.”

 

“Kim…Kim…Kim”

 

“Nice to see you too,” he replies to himself.

 

Fed up with not knowing what happened that had turned his father delusional, he questioned his grandmother; now a very old and frail women. Residing in a hospital for terminally ill patients, she spent most of her days in bed dying of cancer.

 

“Hal-muh-nee (grandmother), I have never asked you what happened so many years ago and how we came to live here. You only told me that we came here a long time ago and that my mother died when I was young. Tell me what happened hal-muh-nee. What caused my father to check out?”

 

The old women stood up and showed a face of utmost sadness, “Forgive me Chow, I should’ve told you earlier but I never had the heart to do it. It’s time you knew the truth.”

 

JOINT SECURITY AREA, PANMUNJOM, NORTH KOREAN SIDE

Kim Yong Hak was a good soldier and comrade. He was devoted to the Supreme Leader and his family and had utmost reverence for the Juche philosophy. His life had been carved out it. He longed for the day to see U.S. troops leave the peninsula. Like all North Koreans, he believed the only way to unify Korea is without U.S. intervention. For their presence at the border as well as their participation against them in the War, he developed an utmost hate for the country.

 

Kim remembers little of his early life. Those who knew him as a boy told him that his father had offered him into the hands of the KPA and that the Army had adopted him into its ranks. He was placed in a military school, learned the Juche philosophy and teachings of Kim Il Sung and his son Kim Jong-Il, and harbored a unique hatred for the West in their inability to leave Koreans alone. For his devotion to the party and to the Supreme Leader, he was promoted to the rank of Sergeant and given the task of guarding the border at the JSA. Just like in the South, this was a very high honor. When he donned his Army uniform, he developed a confidence unlike any he ever felt before.

 

The North and South hold very different stances and positions while being positioned near the MDL. 3 South Korean MPs will stand facing the North with their legs slightly apart, fists clenched, and emotionless faces. Of the 3, 2 will stand slightly behind the blue JSA buildings on adjacent sides which are built right on top of the MDL. They will cover half of their bodies behind the buildings while still showing the other half to the North in their defensive postures. They cover half of their bodies so that it becomes harder for North Korean troops to shoot at them if they were ever to come under attack as well as allow them to silently signal to other guards of any suspicious activity. The 3rd MP will stand directly in the middle with his body fully exposed. The North Korean guards will stand in a much different position. 2 guards will stand directly next to the MDL but will face each other rather than the ROK MPs. A 3rd guard will stand behind them facing towards North Korea.  The 2 guards face each other so that each can stop the other from crossing the MDL and defecting. The 3rd guard will stand facing towards North Korea in order to stop anyone from leaving the North. The fact that they do not face their enemy serves as an insult to the ROK.

 

He mentally prepared himself, built up his hatred for the West, and marched out onto the JSA towards the MDL. Taking his place as the center guard, he stared down the MP’s trying to intimidate him. Just as he was about to turn around to face his beloved country, he took notice of the middle MP and saw a familiarity he did not understand. A flash of childhood; A burst of joy and then…gone.

 

The next day, after his shift was over, he returned to his barracks to find a package on his bed. He teared open the package to find a brand new Army uniform. Puzzled as to why he was only given this gift, he searched through the uniform pockets for any clues. Inside of the pockets he finds a handwritten note in Korean as well as 2 photos. The note reads:

Kim,

You don’t remember me and I will probably never get to meet you again in this lifetime. But I need you to know what happened to your family. You need to know the truth. Your mother did not die giving birth to you. She died at Yodok. I’m sure you know what happens at Yodok. Your father and I escaped after they took you. We are right across from you here in Seoul. Your father does not stop thinking about you since the day they took you. But that is not why I wrote this letter. I need to tell you about one other person whom you have never met but I’m sure you have seen. Kim, you have a brother. The photos will explain everything. Take care, my sweet child. You may have never remembered me but I have always loved you. Goodbye

             - Hal-muh-nee

He puts the letter down, perplexed and insanely confused. He picks up the 2 photos and studies them. The 1st one is of a man, woman, an elderly woman, and 2 small children. Kim realizes that this is his father, mother, grandmother, brother, and himself he is staring at. The 2nd picture almost causes him to faint. Staring back at him with the face he has seen countless times…the middle MP from the South; legs slightly apart, fists clenched, emotionless face. His brother.

 

The North had lied to him. They told him he was a child cast away by his parents. They told him his mother died giving birth. They told him he was an only child. They told him exactly what they wanted him to know. His entire life…One big lie. What kind of country does this to their countrymen? The guilt. The remorse. The flood of emotion is too much for Kim to bear. Alone in the barracks under the cover of night, he breaks down crying and wishing for his life to end right there. The North had never been his home. A home does not lie. A home does not separate a family and have them become enemies against one another. The North, the Supreme Leader, the KPA…it was all a lie. Kim Yong Hak feels like he had just lost his identity. There was no coming back from this. He would do it tomorrow. His brother would be there.

 

SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA

Chow listened with great apprehension as he heard the story of his family. How his father had been beaten; how his mother had been taken away; how he had a brother; a brother that he has seen across the MDL glaring at him from time to time; how his grandmother had secretly sent a message to Kim about his past through a friend in the North. So much information to digest…after all these years. Chow wished he had more time to process this but he could not. He was to report to the border tomorrow at dawn. Unable to miss the shift without being called a deserter, he suppressed his emotion and made his way to the border. Donning the MP uniform and Aviator sunglasses, a distraught Chow took his position as the central MP and tried with all of his might not to think about the revelation he was told just a day ago. Just as he was about to regain his composure, the KPA troops stationed there had their shift change as well. The 2 guards took their position next to the MDL while Kim positioned himself behind them. Then, they made eye contact.

 

It seemed years had gone by in that single look. Rather than facing the North as ordered, Kim continued staring down his brother. Chow could not contain himself any longer; he removed his sunglasses and slowly started inching his way towards the MDL. The other 2 KPA guards noticed this and radioed their commanding officer of the incident. The other 2 ROK MP’s noticed Chow’s behavior and radioed their commanding officer as well. The MP on Chows left side, Jong Sun Un, came over and placed his hand on Chows shoulder, telling him to relax stop walking. Meanwhile, Kim continued staring at Chow and vice versa. Kim’s commanding office finally showed up and barked at Kim to turn around. Kim did not pay attention to him. That was when Chow’s voice broke the stagnation.

 

“BROTHER!” yelled Chow

 

The silence may have only been for mere seconds, but it was deafening and effective. Immediately, the commanding officer and the other 2 guards seized Kim and began taking him away from the MDL. He knew he was in trouble. He had started tension on the border and disobeyed a direct order from his superior. Yodok was probably going to be his home now, just like his mothers. They began taking him up the stairs into the Panmungak building on the North side. That…was when Kim responded.

 

He pushed the 1st guard off of him; making him fall back down the stairs. He head-butted the 2nd and he fell as well. The commanding office still holding his arm reached for his gun but Kim batted it away and punched him in the face. Now finally free, he made his 1st move as a free man. He started running towards the MDL…towards South Korea…towards his brother. The minute he made his move, the KPA loudspeaker system blared all throughout the JSA.

 

“SERGEANT! YOU ARE HEREBY DECLARED AN ENEMY OF THE STATE. STAND WHERE YOU ARE OR YOU WILL BE FIRED UPON!”

 

Chow as well as the many other troops on the South began chattering into their coms; relaying orders, asking for permission for action, and watching the scene fold out in front of them. Chow saw Kim racing towards him and prayed he would make it. He was so close, yet so far.

 

Kim ignored the loudspeaker announcement, risked his life, and ran. He ran as hard as he could. Chow was waiting for him; a relic of his past life. He would be reunited with his brother soon and that was all that mattered. A warning shot was fired and both sides tensed up. The loudspeaker comes alive once again.

 

"STOP! BY ORDER OF THE GREAT LEADER, STAND WHERE YOU ARE OR YOU WILL BE SHOT!”

 

Kim Yong Hak is racing at tremendous speed towards the MDL. 20 feet, 15, 10, 1, inches away; he jumps over the MDL and embraces Chow. Chow embraces his brother tightly; finally understanding the unspoken bond of brotherhood. All these years of hatred for one another had been for nothing. They were meant to grow up together, not apart. The hate from the War, which seemed a lifetime ago, dissolved from both of them. There was no North. There was no South. There was only family and now…his brother.

 

It felt like an eternity had passed when he saw them. Standing on the North Korean side, 3 guards with rifles raised at his brother, ready to shoot him for defection. Chow did not think. He spun Kim around and threw him to the ground just as the guards fired. All 3 bullets hit Chow and he fell. The MP’s and U.S. troops retaliated; firing back at the guards. The skirmish lasted only for a couple seconds, but it was enough. When it was over, Chow was lying on the ground bloodied while a KPA guard lay dead. Both sides knew they had ignited something here and that this skirmish would not be the last. Kim got up, raced to his brother, and picked his head up off the ground, holding him in his arms.

 

“Brother, what did you do?! Why did you do this?! Why did you push me out of the way?!!” cried Kim

 

Dying and bleeding heavily Chow responded, “You…deserve…to live free…as well brother. You’ll live a life you never knew you could live. And…you’ll see father…he misses you so much…”

 

Crying and confused Kim did not know what to do, “Brother…what do I do? Where do I go? Where am I?”

 

Chow said one last thing to Kim before slipping away into death. He brought Kim's face close to his and spoke.

“You are home brother. You are home.”

THE END

[badlydrawndrawnings]

ASOUE SEASON 3, Part 2

There are some things that I enjoy, some things that bug me, and some of those things that bug me are thing I do enjoy but i have to question regardless. The post grew so long I’m cutting it into two parts, and frankly this covers The PP and The End (part one won’t be linking because idk what Tumblr did with that update with links).. We are in the second half of the season, and boy, do I have a lot of hot opinions! Most of it it’s under the read more to not cog the tags.

Frank, Ernest, and Dewey: I feel so validated my theory of Dewy was talking to the Baudelaires last and pretending to be Frank or Ernest is confirm...here at least! Speaking of them, I think Frank was the first one the Baudelaires talk too, then Ernest talk second. In the first convo, Frank or Ernest was Serious and To the Point, and Frank (confirm in book it’s Frank)) was like that with Violet. In the second convo, Frank or Ernest was Friendly and Emotional with his words, and Ernest (confirm in book it’s Ernest) was being a bit cheeky with Klaus and humorous when lassoing Larry Your Waiter up (RIP). Sorry about your brother you two... but boy the shot Dewy floating in the water looks beautiful. 

I think the show was trying to pull a red herring that Kit was ‘evil’ due her asking Dewy to give Frank her regards because no one knows about the unicorn that is Dewy.

Lack of Sir and Charles/Switching roles/The JS Debate: I learned beforehand Charles’ actor couldn’t make it to filming so they had to rewrite him out. Didn’t expect to get rid of Sir (granted, I hear Sir’s actor is like..expense to get back or something and season one was lucky to get him). Still, nice to see that they were able to get Jerome to fill in his (kinda) canon role and Charles. Also, are Charles and Jerome together? That’s a great step up Jerome! Also, nice to know Babs and Miss Bass are together (man I wonder how the in-laws will react to that). I think what really threw me into the loop is that the Netflix Show made JS, the person behind it all, to be Justice Strauss with others JS helps. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the book had ‘JS’ be anonymous as not even Justice Strauss or Jerome knew who is the real JS since they thought it was meet for them (with theories saying it’s Lemony pretending to his brother and the taxi driver in the PP is him. Thanks Netflix for actually confirming the taxi driver part). Didn’t mind Nero being with Esme. I like that (they didn’t show the report who name I freaking forgot. Guess that says something).

At the Opera Tonight & (Lack Of) Bertrand : Hey, Netflix...Olaf’s parents death was A HIT MURDER by Beatrice, The Snickets (Kit and maybe Lemony if 13 Secrets is valid, who know about Jacques), and most importantly, BERTRAND. The books made it clear both were involved in some way or form. In fact, the lack of Bertrand is so insulting. Lemony may not say talk about him too much, but damn it, Lemony liked and respect Bertrand and never hold a grudge. Lemony in the show is the same, just less because the writers really did put more of an emphasis on Beatrice as the Lost Lenore and true OTP (????). In fact, why did the Opera events paint the noble side of VFD good with the accidental death? It was hit, and everyone was guilty and not free of sin. Here though, they are guilty as hell but free of sin as ‘it was an accident’. Well, since Bertrand wasn’t involve in the events here...the guy is actually innocent and free of sin good job Bertrand you don’t have blood on your hand (this sounds like sarcasm but it’ not). Also. you a handsome man.

Personal Headcanon That I Will Never Let Go Now Due to the Above Nonsense: Olaf’s parents were part of VFD, and were sympathetic to the fire starting side of schism, but overall close to neutral (Olaf didn’t and will never know, and book implies the schism wasn’t bad until after Olaf did his thing to frame Lemony for the crimes), due to their positions of society as aristocracy, a father in a high government related job (thanks Netflix for making Dad the Chief of the Official Fire Department it almost lines up perfectly) and mother as A-List Theater Performer. They managed to get a faster reunion when Olaf is 17 (Lemony, Olaf, and a few others are supposed to be the same age while the other siblings are older by a few years, and 18 seems to be the legal age of becoming an adult in this world). The three were at the opera for their first time reunion, and Beatrice and Bertrand were given the task on getting rid of them, and they thought ‘oh this will be easy’ because Kit was helping to deal with Esme and they succeeds. They were about to celebrate and leave when they hear Olaf and see him running to his dead parents (they have no idea he was there. If Lemony was involve, then they did knew but used Lemony as a distraction to make sure Oalf won’t witness the deed. As to why Olaf as to see the body? Because seeing a body adds extra fuel to people waiting revenge). Olaf is still on the noble side at this point (if barely), and he doesn’t know the truth until later, after somehow losing the family fortune and a switch to the fire starting side. Incompetent banking may or may not be involve. 

Hotel Denouement (Fire): Bit upset the sign isn’t written backwards, but hell, I want to stay there regardless!!! Also, I like how the show kept most of the fates a mystery expect Justice Strauss (how did she get down from the roof). The books implies Mr. Poe will die another night, so ergo in Netflix Show Mr. Poe and oddly enough, Vice Principal Nero of all people, survive as well. Thanks Nero for saving Mr. Poe for his offscreen date in the future. Side topic, but my headcanon in the books is (excluding Mr. Poe as his is given) Esme, Ernest, Hal, Hugo and Colette and Kevin survived. Those that made it out but died due to fire related injures later on (within a day or a week) would be  Frank, Jerome, Charles, Sir, Nero and the Teachers, and Carmelita. Everyone else is 100% dead (guess I got to change my 100% dead Justice Strauss status lol). The choices were pick due to drama (Esme cares for Carmelita and would be 100% heartbroken to see her die after the two made it out. For Frank and Ernest, I figure losing one brother would change their hostile relationship to a reluctant team up to get out of the fire together. Frank, being noble, gets Ernest out first resulting getting injuries and dying later, leaving Ernest all alone. Sir and Charles were still holding hands when they got out, but Sir died first and Charles went next due to a broken heart) or luck (Hal survived one fire already; I want Hugo, Colette, and Kevin to catch a good break). 

I cried when the ending happened that song f*** me up so bad like things could have been different and happy but I’m stuck in misery and woe. 

THE END/VFD AND SCHISM: I HATE THIS EPISODE SO FREAKING MUCH. Well, the Island parts (lol the red herring of Beatrice II being Sunny just by wanting to be call by her last name). They cut characters stuff with Friday (and her mother), the mutiny (that was the best part!!!)...almost all the stuff that made The End good! Also, wtf was with the BS of Ishmael making VFD? Like, I like how he was the Principal, that I can accept. But I got the impression, and it was actually implied, it been around for a long time before Ishmael was even born. He made it sound like a book club for the prestigious good people that are rich and bored. Newsflash Netflix: IT’S NOT.  Kit flat out mentions that the schism started when she was four, and it only got worse when her generation came. In fact, the schism only got worse when Olaf went after Lemony, making it the schism everyone knows today. The way the show paints it...it’s the pettiness form of petty and revenge and actually revenge I would like normally but I hate it in the context. I have more, but I’m be making a post about it...a (crack-ish/shitpost comparison of sorts you will of sorts. All I can say is the the White Face women are younger than they look or lost their family and sister in a fire while in their 20′s or 30′s (Ishmael and the Man with Beard but no Hair and Woman with hair but no Beard and Co -> Lemony and Co aka Schism start at teenage/young adult years -> Baudelaires and Co).

Honestly the good stuff was Sunny thinking of pushing Olaf overboard, and the whole thing leading up to Olaf and Kit’s death I cried so much.

Chapter 14: Okay, I’m a sucker for a happy ending after so much crap happened. Lemony and Beatrice II found family again (if for a short time), Fiona and Fernald got a Pushing Daisies ending when Captain Widdershins shows up (referring to Emerson Cod’s reunion with his daughter), Quigley reuniting with his stock footage siblings + Hector, the Troupe having a happy ending fulling their dream, and IDV maybe making it to the the islanders in time. Do I admit that the whole point of their ‘last appearance’ with the Great Unknown (or IDV just disappearing) is to give a message that you can’t always know what happens and mysteries are still out there (imo). Yes, but again, I’m a sucker for happy endings, so I’m fine either way. Also, in Season One there was a narration of Lemony with a very tiny Self Sustaining ship in the BG. Since we know Lemony is actually narrating from the future...it’s a given the Quagmire and Hector would survive. It’s a blink and you miss, but it’s there. So yeah, while everything else could be chalk up as a fake happy ending imagine by Lemony and/or Beatrice II, the Quagmire Triplets and Hector were given a happy fate from the start! Okay, I guess they still need to come down at some point but...

I would watch the PP episodes, but never the End unless I want to make myself angry.