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deanswaywardgirl · 3 years

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The End

A/N: Hey, okay, so this is my attempt at a re-write of one of my top five favorite episodes, including my OC. I don’t have very many of these, because re-writes are difficult and very time consuming. I do not claim Supernatural or Sam and Dean. Just my OC.

Faith sighed as she considered calling Gabriel, pacing in her motel room. Any minute, Dean would be headed to 2014 and meeting up with his future self. Being half angel, she didn't have the power to send herself.

"You rang?" his sultry voice penetrated the silence, earning Faith's attention. "I need your help to get to 2014, Gabriel." His brow arched as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Why?" he asked her, his eyes narrowing. "Because I know Dean's going, thanks to your douchebag brother, Zachariah. Look, he managed to let slip that I play some part in this pissing contest between Michael and Lucifer." Gabriel sighed and rolled his eyes.

"So, what? You want spoilers to see who wins?" he asked, pulling a sucker from his jacket. Faith squared her shoulders. "You owe me for that Wednesday Mystery Spot stunt you pulled," she reminded him, arching a brow. Gabriel smirked and shrugged. "Okay, okay, I hear you. Deal," he said and the humor faded from his features as he took her hands. "Be careful, Faith. My brother will not hesitate to take you off the board. Dean, he can't, but you're different."

"I'll be careful, Gabe, thank you." Gabriel snapped his fingers and in the blink of an eye, Faith could tell she was no longer in 2009. "Awesome," she breathed and headed out of the run down motel she was in, out onto the street. "Focus on finding Dean, Faith. Nothing else." As if on cue, she could hear heavy artillery being fired. "Dean," she said with a smile, and ran towards the noise. She ducked into a back alley and ran around the back of the building, able to see Dean. "Dean, come on! This way!" she called to him and smiled when he didn't question her.

"What are you doing here? Are you living here?" he asked. Faith shook her head. "Nope, I'm from 2009 just like you. And before you ask, I had help getting here, from a much nicer angel than Zach." she said, both of them relieved they were, for the moment, out of danger. "Who?" he asked. "Gabriel. The archangel," she told him with a shrug, not wanting to lie to him.

Think of him as my own personal Castiel." She smiled and nodded down the road. "Come on, we need to get to Bobby's house." "You knew about this? All of it?" he asked, the pair reaching an abandoned car. Soon, they were on the road. "I'm sorry, Dean, but I've told you, I can't tell you what happens down the road. I want to, believe me. But the angels will know, and as punishment, they'll make the outcome pretty damn bad." Dean sighed and licked his lips.

"What can you tell me?" he asked, gently. "Not much. Just vague details here and there, point you in the right direction. I'm sorry, Dean, I really am." Dean sighed and glanced over at her in the passenger seat. Licking her lips, Faith shrugged. "I can share irrelevant details. Who knows, maybe they'll help." Dean couldn't help but smile at her addition. "Faith, I know you're trying to help. Out of everybody, I've always been able to trust you. You've been there to help me these last few long weeks. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that." Faith smiled softly and touched his arm, and gently squeezed.

"You can always trust me, Dean, no matter what. I guess I can tell you this. You won't find Bobby at his house, but you still need to head in that direction." "Where's Bobby?" Dean asked, slightly confused. "I don't know. He might be dead, they never clarified. There was just a bloody bullet hole in his overturned wheelchair, which was just an implication. But you will find John's journal, which is important. For now, that's all I can tell you." Dean nodded before jumping at the sound of wings fluttering.

"You wanna explain why this abomination is here?" Zachariah scowled. Faith smirked. "Tour guiding. Dean, on the left, you'll see old rusty street signs, maybe abandoned buildings. And up ahead, we have Croatoan zombies because angels are too busy watching holy porn to do anything helpful." Dean smirked proudly at the girl beside him. "I knew I smelled your stink on this Back to the Future crap."

"President Palin defends bombing of Houston," Zachariah read, obviously ignoring Dean's jabs. "Certainly a buyer's market in real estate. Let's see what's happening in sports. Right, no more sports, Congress revoked the right to group assembly. What's left of Congress, that is. Hardly a quorum if you ask me," Zach rambled on to himself. Faith shook her head in the front seat at the angel behind them.

"How'd you find me?" Dean interrupted. "Had to tap some unorthodox resources. Human informants. We've been making inspirational visits to the fringier Christian groups. They've been given your image, told to keep an eye out." Dean's eyes slightly widened in realization. "The bible freak outside the motel. He, what, dropped the dime on me?"

"Onward Christian soldiers." "Good. You've had your jollies, now send me back, you son of a bitch." "Oh, you'll get back, all in good time. We want you to marinate a bit," Zachariah told him, ignoring the insult. "Marinate?" Faith and Dean asked in unison. "Three days, Dean. Three days to see where this course of action takes you." Faith rolled her eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean asked, irritated. "That your choices have consequences. This is what happens to the world if you continue to say no to Michael." Faith glanced back at the paper he was holding up.

"Palin defends bombing of Houston?" she asked, then turned to Dean. "Dean, I say we hunt Sarah Palin down and exile her back to Alaska where she belongs. It'd be doing Houston a great service," she said, sarcastically, earning a chuckle from the eldest Winchester. Zachariah smirked and shrugged, clearly knowing something the two didn't. "Have a little look-see." With that, the angel was gone. Faith glanced over at Dean and smiled at his smirk. "I've always hated him. He's worse than Uriel, believe me." Soon, they were pulling up to Bobby's house, and slipped out of the car. "Bobby?" There was no answer. "Dean. No Bobby, remember?" Faith whispered. "Right," Dean replied and entered the house. Sure enough, Dean found Bobby's wheelchair with the bullethole. "I think you're right, Faith. I think he is dead. Where is everybody, Bobby?" he asked, quietly. "Hey, come here," Faith called to him, and held out John's journal. Dean took it and pulled out a picture, and glanced down at it, Bobby in the front of a group of men. "Camp Chitaqua." ************************ Dean and Faith snuck up on the encampment and noticed a rather familiar outline of Dean's beloved impala. "Oh, Baby." He took Faith's hand and led her to the broken down shell of a car. "No. Oh, no, Baby, what did they do to you?" All Faith could see was Dean go down before she was hit as well, everything going black around her.

************************* A ringing in her ears caused Faith to stir and look around before she saw Dean in front of her, and beside her. She tried to stand, but hissed as the cuffs chaffed her skin. Looking back at Dean, she licked her lips. "If I remember correctly, you should know who I am," he said, watching her as she nodded. "You're the 2014 Dean." He scoffed. "And what are you, exactly?" he asked, aiming the gun at her.

"You haven't tested me? I know you tested your past self over here," she nodded at the stirring Dean beside her, who looked up at his future self, then to Faith, and back after noting that she was okay. "What the hell?"

"I should be asking that question, don't you think? In fact, why don't you give me one good reason why I shouldn't gank you here and now?"

"Because you'd only be hurting yourself," Dean replied with a huff of laughter.

"Very funny." Future Dean moved back to his table of weapons.

"Look, man, I'm no Shapeshifter, or demon, or anything, okay?"

"Yea, I know. I did the drill on both of you while you were out. Silver, salt, holy water. Nothing. But you know what was funny, is that you had every lockpick, box cutter and switchblade that I carry. You wanna explain that? Oh, and the resemblance while you're at it."

"Zachariah," Dean said, simply. Future Dean's brow furrowed.

"You remember him, don't you?" Faith asked. "You should, Dean, since it was you sitting where this Dean is because of that dick angel," Faith told him, swallowing hard, earning his attention.

"That still doesn't explain how...." Future Dean's eyes widened slightly before they fell to the floor. Faith could tell he was thinking about something or someone. When his eyes met hers, again, all she could see was a heartbreaking sadness.

"You're not a monster, either, are you? You're the Faith from the past." Faith nodded, then glanced over at Past Dean and back. "I'm not sure I like that look." The future version broke eye contact, his hazel eyes blinking. He sighed, and rubbed his forehead.

"Can you...will you come with me?" he asked and moved towards her, unlocking her cuffs.

"Whoa, hey, you're just gonna leave me?" Past Dean asked as the two moved to the door. "Yes. I have a camp full of twitchy trauma survivors with an apocalypse hanging over their heads. Last thing they need to see is a version of the Parent Trap."

"You can at least uncuff me, man."

"No, absolutely not."

"Oh, come on. You don't trust yourself?"

"Absolutely not." Future Dean gently tugged on Faith's hand and led her out of his cabin and down a barely hidden pathway. "So, are you gonna tell me what this is about?" Faith asked. Dean turned to face her and without a word, pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Faith slowly melted into it and pushed her fingers through his hair. She then wrapped her arm around his neck and pulled back, breathing heavily. "Okay, I'm not sure I understand."

Dean swallowed hard and led her further down the private path. What got her attention was the name on the headstone. Her name. "Oh god," she whispered, unable to speak any louder. "Listen, I gotta go out on a mission right now. Stay here, and we'll talk when I get back."

******************* Faith had sat at what seemed to be her own grave for hours, unable to take her eyes off of it. Silent tears fell down her cheeks, unable to think about anything but how it might've happened. Either Croatoan or Lucifer? Every now and then, she would wonder about Dean. That kiss had seemed desperate, like he'd been dying to do it for awhile. Did they ever get together? If they did, how long before she died? Letting out a shaky breath, she let more tears fall. It wasn't much longer before she felt Dean standing behind her, and swallowed hard.

"When?" she asked, her voice cracking. "A year ago. In Chicago, I brought you here, gave you a hunter's funeral, and gave you a headstone. It was my way of seeing you when I needed to. Your ashes are in my cabin." Faith's eyes burned with unshed tears.

"How?" When he didn't answer her, she stood and turned to face him. "Dean, tell me." Dean let out a deep breath, his eyes falling.

"The Croatoan virus had spread all over, started in the Windy City. You and I headed there and got separated. Eventually, we reunited, both with a few people that had tagged along. Those people are here now, most of 'em anyway. We locked down an abandoned hotel and regrouped into two groups, and made a plan to go out and look for more survivors. After that, we moved out." He licked his lips, his brow furrowing. "When you and your group didn't show up at the rendezvous point, we went looking." He stopped and swallowed hard, biting his lip. "When-- when I found you, you were barely alive, and calling out for me. I picked you up and held you in my lap. You told me you loved me and that you'd always be with me."

Tears fell down his cheeks before he wiped his hand over his face, clearing his face of the tears, and sighed. "And I told you that I loved you, and it was over." Faith placed both of her hands over her mouth and let out a shaky breath, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I never should've let you go off on your own, Faith, I am so sorry. It was my fault." Faith shook her head and moved towards him, hugging him tightly.

"No, I'm sorry, Dean. Knowing me, I probably insisted." She felt him bury his face in her neck and gently squeeze her. "That's why you've barely been able to look at me. I remind you of the Faith you lost." He nodded, then opened his mouth to talk when Chuck appeared at the end of the trail. "Sorry, Dean, its time." Dean glanced at Faith and sighed, then smiled sadly as he took her hand and led her out, back to the cabin.

"Don't tell my version what you told me. I don't want him to worry about me. That'll just get him killed."

"I'm not worth that," Faith and Dean said in unison. "I knew you'd say that," he told her, glancing at her. He smiled for the first time since she'd arrived. "Is that a smile? I wasn't sure if you remembered how to do that." Dean then chuckled, and glanced at her. "I've missed you, sweetheart. All I think about anymore is what you would do, or say if you were here. And to God, I wish you were. I find myself talking to you sometimes, and I always wonder what you'd say."

He took her hand and gave it a squeeze before releasing her. Faith glanced up when the past version walked up to them. "Hey," she said, gently dropping Dean's hand, winking at him, then turned back to her version. "We going now?" she asked, earning a pointed stare and a nod. "Where were the two of you?" he asked, his eyes shifting between the two of them.

"Dean was just showing me what the future holds," she told him, being as vague as she could possibly be. Dean's eyes betrayed him, showing his curiosity, but Faith shook her head. "Not gonna happen," she told him, slightly smirking. "Trust me, I won't let this happen to us. Any of this." Faith watched the future version of Dean closely, especially his expressions and emotions, which were rare. But she couldn't blame him.

He'd lost everyone that had ever meant anything to him. The only people that made him happy. Swallowing hard, her eyes fell as she wasn't really paying attention to the conversations around her, and blinked when everybody but the two Deans filed out of the cabin.

******************** "We're loaded up and on the road by midnight," Future Dean ordered, followed by an "Alrighty," from Castiel. Faith let out a breath as she was overwhelmed by all the information she'd acquired. "Why are you taking me?" Past Dean asked, not seeing any reason for him to go. "Relax, you'll be fine. Zach's looking after you, right?" Dean asked, tossing firearms into a duffel bag.

"No, that's not what I mean," he said, earning his future self's attention. "I wanna know what's going on," he commanded. "Yea, okay." He rounded the table, his eyes flickering to Faith and back. "You're coming because I want you to see something. I want you to see our brother."

"Sam? I thought he was dead."

"Sam didn't die in Detroit, he said yes." Dean's face had hardened as he spoke, watching his other self put the puzzle together.

"Yes? Wait, you mean--"

"That's right, the big yes, to the devil. Lucifer's wearing him to prom." Faith could see the sting of a future betrayal in her Dean's eyes.

"Why would he do that?" he asked, swallowing thickly.

"Wish I knew. But now we don't have a choice. It's in him, and its not getting out. And we've gotta kill him, Dean."

"Could you really do that? He's in your brother, Dean," Faith intercepted, her eyes not holding anything but sadness and empathy.

"I know, and believe me, I don't want to," he said, and Faith could see just how heartbroken he truly was, before he turned his eyes back to Past!Dean. "And you need to see it, the whole damn thing, how bad it gets, so you can do it different."

"What do you mean?" Past!Dean asked.

"Zach was gonna bring you back, right? To '09?"

"Yea."

"When you get home, you say yes. You hear me? Say yes to Michael."

"That's crazy. If I let him in, then Michael fights the devil. Battle's gonna torch half the planet."

"Look around you, man! Half the planet's better than no planet, which is what we have now! If I could do it over, I'd say yes in a heartbeat."

"So why don't you?"

"I've tried. I've shouted yes til I was blue in the face. The angels aren't listening; they just left, gave up. Its too late for me, but for you..." Future Dean was pleading for his past self to go and save a world he couldn't.

"Oh no, there's gotta be another way."

"Yea, that's what I thought. I was cocky, never actually thought I'd lose. But I was wrong. Dean, I was wrong. I'm begging you. Say yes." The two stared at each other for a moment as Dean's future self regained his composure. "But you won't. Because I didn't. Because that's just not us, is it?" he asked, rhetorically. Faith swallowed hard as she watched the both of them, the tension in the room so thick, she could barely breathe.

****************** "Dean," Faith called and ran to catch up with the future Dean, gently taking his arm. "Hey, talk to me." Finally, gaining his attention, she took his hand. "Dean, let me tell you something. On the other side of the fence, where I'm from originally, you know what happens when one of these big fish rise up? You and Sam beat it, but you never do it as two douchebag angels. You take care of it as Sam and Dean Winchester. The two most badass amazing men I've ever known. Dean, you can't give up on Sam. Believe me, I wouldn't want that in any time period."

"Faith, its too late. I've tried talking to him through Lucifer. He's either too far gone, or he's refusing to listen to me," Dean said, defeated. "Sam's gone, he's just gone." Faith sighed and gently hugged him, threading her fingers into his hair, inhaling his scent with a sympathetic frown. ********************** "There. Second floor window. We go in there," Future Dean directed, looking back at the small group behind him.

"You sure about this?" Risa asked, her brow arched.

"They'll never see us coming." Present Dean's brow furrowed as well as Faith's as they both watched him. "Trust me. Now, weapons check, we're on the move in five."

"Hey, Dean. Can we talk to you for a sec?" Faith asked, but knew he would know she wasn't really asking. Both Deans and Faith split off and turned to face each other."

"Tell us what's going on." Past Dean demanded.

"What?"

"I know you. You're lying to these people, and to us."

"Is that so?" Future Dean asked, shifting his weight.

"Yea. See, I know your lying expressions, I've seen them in the mirror. There's something you're not telling us."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Faith watched him closely and looked up at her version of Dean.

"Really? I don't seem to be the only member of your posse with questions, so maybe I'll just take my doubts over to them," Dean threatened and took a step in that direction.

"Okay. Whoa, whoa, wait."

"What?" Dean asked, stopping and turning to face him.

"Take a look around you, man. This place should be white-hot with Crotes. Where are they?"

"They cleared a path for us, which means that this is--"

"A trap, exactly.

"Then we can't go through the front."

"Oh, we're not. They are." Dean and Faith's gazes hardened. "They're the decoys. You two and I are going in through the back."

"You mean you're gonna feed your friends into a meat grinder? Cas too?" Future Dean's eyes fell, and Faith could tell he hated his plan. "You wanna use their deaths as a diversion." Future Dean turned his head to the side and clenched his jaw. Past Dean turned his eyes to Faith before going back to himself. "Oh man, something is broken in you. You're making decisions I would never make. I wouldn't sacrifice my friends."

"Dean, stop." Faith turned to face him. "You wouldn't because you haven't lost every single person that's ever meant anything to you. You still have Sam, and me, and Bobby, and you're not the one about to kill his brother in order to save the world. Look at him. Can you honestly say, you wouldn't be as heartbroken and tired of caring as he is?" Both Deans stared at each other. "He's lost everyone, Dean. Everyone." Future Dean licked his lips as he moved his eyes to Faith and set his hand on her shoulder.

"These people count on you," he said, his voice gentle. "They trust you."

"They trust me to kill the devil and save the world, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do."

"No, not like this, you're not. I'm not gonna let you."

"Oh really?"

"Yea."

"Dean, stop." Faith hissed, but Dean was already unconscious on the ground. She turned to face Future Dean. "Would you please quit doing that?" she asked, her voice trailing off as the future version of Dean stepped closer to her and cupped her face in his hand, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

"Stay here, sweetheart. I can't lose you twice, and he's gonna need you. Like I did. And thank you, in advance. You were always there, even when I thought I didn't want you there. Just remember, you mean more to him than you think. He just doesn't realize it yet. Because I didn't. By God, I wish I had." He then swallowed thickly and smiled crookedly down at her before pressing his lips to her forehead in a tender kiss. "I love you, Faith. I'm so sorry, sweetheart. For everything, okay?" he asked, slowly backing away, and heading for the back once he was sure she'd stay.

Faith was in shock. She'd never expected Dean to say anything of an intimate nature to her. Taking a shaky breath, she forced her eyes down to the past version of the love of her life, even if he didn't know it yet. Slightly, she jumped at the sound of guns going off behind her. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she knelt down and caressed his cheek. "Forgive me, Dean. I love you," she whispered, then ran after the future version.

******************** When Dean came to, he expected Faith to be there beside him, but grew nervous when he found she was nowhere near him. Getting up, he rubbed his eyes and called out to her, only to receive no answer. Running around the back, he swallowed hard at the sight in front of him. Faith was horrifically still off to the side, while his future self struggled under the weight on his neck from a white shoe. He could then hear the sickening sound of bones breaking causing his future self to grow still and his eyes to close.

"Oh, hello Dean," Lucifer!Sam said, turning to face the other Dean, earning his attention as Dean turned his attention to Lucifer. "Aren't you a surprise? You've come a long way to see this, haven't you?" Lucifer asked, appearing behind him. Dean turned, the heartbreak evident in his eyes.

"Well, go ahead. Kill me."

"Kill you? Don't you think that'd be a little..redundant? I'm sorry. It must be painful speaking to me in this..shape. But it had to be your brother. It had to be," he said, going to place his hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean stepped back out of reach. "You don't have to be afraid of me, Dean. What do you think I'm going to do?"

"I don't know, maybe deep-fry the planet?" Dean suggested, sarcastically.

"Why? Why would I want to destroy this stunning thing? Beautiful in a trillion different ways, the last perfect handiwork of God. Ever hear the story of how I fell from grace?"

"Good god, you're not gonna tell me a bedtime story, are you? My stomach is almost out of bile," Dean snarled, not wanting to listen to any more.

"You know why God cast me down? Because I loved him more than anything, and then God created you. The little hairless apes, and then he asked all of us to bow down before you, to love you more than him. And I said 'Father, I can't.' I said, 'These human beings are flawed, murderous'. And for that, God had Michael cast me into Hell. Now, tell me, does the punishment fit the crime? Especially when I was right. Look what six billion of you have done to this thing, and how many of you blame me for it?"

"You're not fooling me, you know that? This sympathy-for-the-devil crap? I know what you are," Dean whispered, angrily.

"What am I?"

"You're the same thing, only bigger. The same brand of cockroach I've been squashing my whole life. An ugly, evil, belly to the ground, supernatural piece of crap. The only difference between them and you, is the size of your ego." Lucifer smirked.

"I like you, Dean. I get what the other angels see in you. Goodbye, we'll meet again soon." Dean took the opportunity and moved towards Faith, kneeling beside her and checking for a pulse before scooping her up into his arms and getting to his feet. "You better kill me now," Dean called after him. Lucifer stopped and turned, his brow furrowing.

"Pardon?"

"You better kill me now, or I swear I will find a way to kill you, and I won't stop."

"I know you won't. I know you won't say yes to Michael either, and I know you won't kill Sam. Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up, here. I win, so I win." Tears streamed down Dean's cheeks.

"You're wrong."

"See you in five years, Dean." Lightning flashed around Dean, and in Lucifer's departure arrived Zachariah, who placed two fingers upon Dean's head and set him back to his motel room. "Oh, well if it isn't the Ghost of Christmas Screw You," Dean commented and moved to lay Faith down on the bed. He covered her with his jacket and turned back to Zachariah.

"Enough, Dean, enough. You saw it, right? You saw what happens? You're the only one who can prove the devil wrong. Say yes."

"How do I know that this thing isn't one of your tricks, huh? Some angel hocus-pocus?" Dean growled.

"The time for tricks is over. Give yourself to Michael. Say yes and we can strike before Lucifer gets to Sam. Before billions die." Dean turned and his eyes moved to Faith. "Nah."

"'Nah'? You haven't learned your lesson?" Zachariah asked him.

"Oh I leaned a lesson, alright. Just not the one you wanted to teach."

"Well, I'll just have to teach it again, because I got you now, boy, and I'm never letting you--" Dean disappeared just then, and Faith smirked at Zachariah before she also disappeared. "Son of a..."

"Faith!" Dean called and helped the girl to stand. "You alright?" he asked, earning a nod.

"I will be. I just need to sleep and I'll be good to go." Dean nodded.

"We'll get a ride. Just gimme a minute, sweetheart. I'm just glad you're walkin and talkin." He smiled down at her before gently squeezing her shouder and turning to Castiel. "That's pretty nice timing, Cas."

"We had an appointment," the angel said, simply. "Don't ever change," Dean told him, his hand on the angel's shoulder. "How did Zachariah find you?" "Long story. Lets just stay away from Jehovah's Witnesses from now on, okay?" Dean asked, dialing Sam's number. "What are you doing?" "Something I should've done in the first place." ******************** "Hey, Dean. You okay?" Faith asked, sliding out of the back seat of the impala and coming to stand beside him, earning his attention and a warm smile. "Yea. How'd you sleep?" he asked. "Good, I feel better." Dean nodded and rubbed her back. "Good, you had me worried there for a minute."

"Nah, don't worry about me. I'll be okay. I'm with you, I'm safe." Dean smiled crookedly and leaned down and kissed her cheek softly. "I'm glad you're here, Faith, really. Thank you for staying close." Faith's cheeks tinted bright red as she cleared her throat. Dean turned at the sound of a car pulling up.

"I'll wait here, Dean. Go ahead, fix things with your brother." Leaning up, she kissed his cheek tenderly and gave his hand a gently squeeze. He winked at her, then went to meet his brother.

"Sam." Dean pulled the demon knife out and held it out to Sam. "If you're serious, you want back in, you should hang onto this. I'm sure you're rusty." The two of them sighed and took a beat. "Look, man, I'm sorry. I don't know whatever I need to be, but I was wrong." Sam nodded, his brow furrowed.

"What made you change your mind?"

"Long story. The point is maybe we are each other's Achilles' heel. Maybe they'll find a way to use us against each other, I don't know. I just know we're all we got. More than that, we keep each other human."

"Thank you. Really, thank you. I won't let you down." "Oh I know it. I mean, you are the second best hunter on the planet." Faith laughed quietly, not far behind Dean.

"So, what do we do now?"

"We make our own future," Dean answered his brother.

"Guess we have no choice," Sam sighed, earning a nod before the two of them made their way back to the Impala. Faith stood and moved to Sam, hugging him tightly. "Hey, Faith," he said, smiling and hugging her back.

@dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

#dean winchester #dean winchester angst #dean winchester fanfics #Supernatural #supernatural rewrite #supernatural 5x04 #sam winchester

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alliluyevas · 4 years

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since i just watched it the other night instead of doing readings for one of my classes do u have any 🔥 abt the death of stalin the movie

mel you are so valid...i have so many opinions i’m going to share SEVERAL...a lot of these i have aired on here to some degree

i hate the last scene between khrushchev and svetlana where he snaps at her and then ships her off to vienna to get her out of the way, i think it’s hugely out of character considering his irl relationship with her and i think it takes a lot of the agency out of her eventual defection and it sucks, so i really hate that the movie ends on that note.

i have some qualms about molotov’s portrayal in tdos, and i don’t really know whether it’s the way that michael palin plays him or it’s the writing or both, but i think he’s too affable meek nerdy grandpa and not enough Iron Arse stick in the mud. like it portrays some aspects of molotov’s personality but not others, and ultimately i feel like he comes off more as a brainwashed ideological victim of stalin than being as culpable and as lockstep with totalitarian repression as he was irl. like i wouldn’t go as far as saying it was awful or that michael palin was miscast, but there were some things i didn’t *love*.

in a similar vein mikoyan was SO underused, like he’s kind of a one-off background comic relief character with bulganin and i think he’s one of the most interesting and sympathetic figures of this milieu and i would love to see him get his time to shine more.

i’m really glad polina and nina and the stalin kiddos got as much screentime as they did but i wish we’d gotten to see more of the other wives and kiddos or at least had their existence mentioned. specifically i would have liked to have khrushchev’s kids acknowledged (he still had three teenagers living at home at this time but it’s not referenced, and i think it would have given more dramatic weight to beria’s threats against his family) and on the flip side especially because we do get a scene inside his home i would have like to see beria’s own family acknowledged because like. all these people were husbands and fathers including him and there’s something viscerally horrifying about that.

also related to the last point but esp because she had a comparatively small role i would have liked to see nina khrushcheva played by a plus-size woman, like i get casting someone with a different body type for khrushchev himself bc it’s a major role and despite looking different steve buscemi really embodied it, but for a smaller role i wish they’d portrayed her appearance more accurately.

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mindwideopen · 4 years

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Disclaimer: anyone embarrassed of my cleavage, please bypass this post. Thank you. (Again, repeat this disclaimer out loud, and say it like Steve Martin being his insane yet loving character “ruprecht” in “dirty rotten scoundrels”)

Faux Monty python auditions:

Disclaimer 2: NOT based in reality, because the actual members of Monty python are gentlemen, and are kind. No character assassination intended. My intention for writing this is harmless satire because of my admiration for their group. And, the fact that as women, they are prettier than I am.

(Lights up on a very large board room with a very long table. All of the members of Monty python are sitting in a row, facing Kari.)

Kari: hey! Nice to meet you all! (Shakes their hands) you guys are fantastic! I’m so happy to get the opportunity to audition for you, and be considered for your group.

Monty python: nice to make your acquaintance. (Whispers amongst themselves at the long board table they’re sitting at, evaluating Kari) who is she?! A bird. What kind of bird? I don’t know... let’s analyze... pull up her headshot. A “headshot” is a picture for you people who don’t know what a head shot is. We don’t mean an actual gun shot to the head.

(To Kari) Ok. Let’s...

Kari: let’s what?

Monty python: look at your portfolio of character work.

Kari: I write, mostly, but these are silly pictures of me for fun.

Monty python: we love fun. Quite.

Kari: we have that in common then!

Monty python: quite.

Monty python: no. Ok. You are not a bird. This is not you, is it? No, it can’t be. You are a cat woman. Unusual.

Kari: oh, that’s a filter on Snapchat.

Monty python characters: Snapchat? What’s that?

Kari: it’s an app that makes you into different creatures.

Monty python: what’s an app? Our show is based primarily in the 1970s we think, we have to look it up to be reminded, and haven’t the foggiest idea what you’re talking about. Well, regardless, let’s all pull up a better picture of you, since you are not really a cat. We’re quite sure, yes, quite, that you are a human being, although not sure, so no. Next slide, please! (We’re British, so we’re polite about our requests...)

Monty python: ok, no. In this one, you are a shocked and lacey, bear creature. Are you a biological man?

Kari: no.

Monty python: one of the criteria of joining our group is that you are a man.

Kari: well, I’m not. See the next slide.

Monty python: please discuss something amongst yourself while we confer about you, in front of you.

Kari: ok. (Kari starts talking about ray rayner, and chelveston the duck to herself...)

Monty python: well, we’re not sure why she’s here if she’s not a man. We play all the women in our sketches. Um, also, we hate to bring this up and look naive, but is she writing us? We don’t know. Some of us aren’t even alive, so it’s hard to determine what’s happening in this case, as we’re all speaking the same words at the same time. If she is writing us this is highly irregular, which is a state that we’re used to being in. The words keep coming. Yes, but she never differentiates the difference between one of us, and all... so we sound like a men’s spoken word chorus. Do those exist? They do now, we are it. Who is this insane woman? God only knows...

God: no, I don’t.

Kari: well, I’m done with my conversation with myself, are you guys done as well?

Monty python characters: yes. Quite. ok, well, next slide pleeeeease.

Monty python: oh my.... yes. Not a man. Ahem. Yes. Clearly. Right. Kari, would you please excuse us again, as we need to confab about you yet again.

Kari: ok. (Kari discusses her love of Kurt Russell and Goldie yawn amongst herself. Both national treasures, both not in the movie, “national treasury, or whatever it’s called...)

Monty python: all in favor of her being in our group, say we! Wait! Before we vote, oh. My... (they Hub hub hub hub peas and carrots. Please say the hub hubs and the peas and carrots like all of the characters in the movie “waiting for guffman”.)

Monty python: Kari, We need a moment to discuss you.

Kari: do you want to discuss me, with me?

Terry Gilliam: yes! Absolutely eventually at some point not now no yes. But we need some privacy at this time.

Kari: ok. I need to take a shit. I’ll be back.

(Monty python all sit and analyze this photo. 4 hours later)

Monty python: yes. Quite. ok! Next slide, please.

John Cleese: um, I’m not done. You all proceed. I’ll hang back a bit, because she looks like she could get rough. I will protect us... because she’s evil... I hope.

The rest of Monty python: very well, next slide, please.

Monty python sans the John Cleese cause he went off to shoot his cameo in the “great muppet caper” 40 years ago...: jooooohhhhnnnnn..... she is evil....

John Cleese: on it! (Mumbling to himself but half to us, the reader, which is me only, cause I write for my own amusement) But not, because she’s married and I think I am but I’m not sure, cause she’s writing this, and unaware of my marital status...) I will call, the only ghostbuster she isn’t pissed at right now because he’s dead... and doesn’t ignore her insane writing because he’s unaware or aware that she writes... oh Egon....

Egon Spangler (as portrayed back in the 80s, by Harold Ramis, or, as Kari lovingly refers to him, Hamis.): yes, this is a classic class F case of a “she be piiiiiiiissed” poltergeist, fairly common around these parts as of late, shouldn’t be an issue. I accept rubies (not to be confused with a ruby gem stone) and zorks currency as payment. Payment due up front.

John Cleese: (yelling) well I don’t have a ruby or a zork on me?!? What do you think I am?! The queen or something?!

Queen the band: definitely not.

John Cleese: (yelling and flailing his arms around like Kermit the frog because he idolizes him, and just worked with him, in the great muppet caper, so he’s heavily influenced by his dynamic personality) see?!?! Now how are we supposed to exercise her?!? She’s the devil! She writes insane things not unlike us, but we’re fine because we’re men that dress like women, and that is socially acceptable, but a woman who acts like a man, is not! And she sometimes acts like a black man, and that is doubly not acceptable, not in a way that cancels itself out, but in a way that emphasizes my point profoundly. She MUST be exercised!

Richard Pryor: have you tried walking her around the block after meals?

John Cleese: (still yelling per the ush) what the hell are you talking about??!? Walk her around the block after meals?! I couldn’t get a harness around her if I tried! She’s writing me flailing around like Kermit the frog! The woman must be stopped!!!!!!

Richard Pryor: just a suggestion. You need to relax, Jack, ok? Cause you’re more than a little uptight.

George Carlin: British.

Richard Pryor: ok. Got it.

Carlin: and isn’t it, exorcised?

Richard Pryor: not as funny.

Carlin: ok. got it.

Eric idle, who stands idle to the fact that his last name is also “idol” when said, and also leaves too many questions like others who suffer with the same affliction have... which idol are we discussing? The sun god, Rah? The sacred cow? American?

Eric idle character: oh god.... scene...

God: I love Kari, I do, because she believes I love everyone, so yes, scene is fine.

John Cleese character: yes! Quite.

Egon Spangler: 70 zorks, please. No personal checks.

Svengoolie (not his son, just him): yes. No.... personal.... checks.....

(Kari walks into an empty conference room)

Kari: um, hey guys? Anyone here? Oh well, I feel better now that I’ve pooped!

(Monty python jump out from underneath the long board table)

Monty python: Boo!

Kari: oh! You startled me! Good thing I just pooped!

Monty python: yes, quite. So, here’s the thing; we’ve reviewed your portfolio and you’re brilliant with the exception of a few things.

Kari: what’s that?

Monty python: well, the first thing is that you’re a woman.

Kari: yes, I am. I saw proof of that in the bathroom.

Monty python: ah, yes. The second thing is that according to Wikipedia, a website we have never heard of at the point in which we were in the first picture, let alone the fact that the internet as we know it was not conceived yet either, and all we had were encyclopedia brittanicas, our show ran from 1969–1983, 1989, 1998–1999, 2002, 2013–2014. All years past. You were born, when?

Kari: 1974.

Monty python: ok, now see? We were in full swing at that point in time. You were a bit too, not available for us, and also too much of a woman for us all, and that’s great! Because you’re way more intelligent than we imagined, we can tell by your pictures, and truth be told, we’re more than a little afraid of you, because you write for us, even though some of us have ceased to exist on this celestial plane. And although we enjoyed our time chatting, we are going to have to take a pass.

Kari: that’s ok! It was nice watching you chat about me a bit while I talked to myself. I’m going to get a soy pumpkin spice latte now from Starbucks. Care to join me?

Monty python: no, thank you. As Starbucks isn’t invented, and neither were pumpkin spice lattes.

Kari: ok! Maybe in 2020 after the Covid shit subsides a bit.

Monty python: yes. Quite.

Scene, scene... (whisper this one) scene.

The aforementioned scene was not real, nor was it endorsed by the real Terry Gilliam, Michael Palin, Eric Idle and John Cleese. But, I think terry jones and graham Chapman (who is a chap, and a man, making him a double man, which is very manly indeed, loves me, Kari Keillor, for who I am. Not egoic, but loves herself enough to write still, even its for her own pleasure, and to herself. ❤️)

#monty python #funny #mind wide open #kari keillor #self reflection #i get by with a little help from my friends

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penniesforthestorm · 4 years

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7 Comfort Movies

I was tagged by @opalgemblog to list 7 “comfort movies”-- I’m being fairly liberal with the interpretation here, but these are what came to mind. Tagging: the person reading this!

1. The Wind in the Willows (1995)- the Carlton TV adaptation, with narration by Vanessa Redgrave and the voices of Rik Mayall (Toad), Michael Palin (Ratty), Michael Gambon (Badger), and Alan Bennett (Mole). For years, this was my “sick day” watch-- it has some of the most beautiful hand-drawn animation I’ve ever seen.

2. Casablanca (1942)- What can I say about this that hasn’t been said?

3. Wings of Desire (1987)- “I wish I could see your face. Just look into your eyes and tell you how good it is to be here.”

4. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)- Out of the series, this is the one I’ve re-watched the most; of course there’s the uniquely Gothic style, and the main trio’s performances really come into their own, but I also think David Thewlis’ Professor Lupin is fantastic.

5. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)- OK, in theory this one has a “downer” ending, but it’s always been my favorite of the trilogy. That shot of Eowyn watching from the tower of Meduseld as Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli ride in, and the flag falling at Aragorn’s feet...

6. Badlands (1973)- Again, considering the subject matter, I guess this is a weird choice, but seeing those wide, lonely landscapes treated with such reverence, as someone who has four generations’ worth of family history on land like that... that’s my heart. I don’t know how else to explain it. The two of them dancing to Nat King Cole in the narrow glow of the headlights, with the huge dark night all around them...

7. Repo Man (1983)- OK, here’s some pure, unfiltered goofiness to finish us off. “For example, if you think about a plate of shrimp...”

#movies #tag games #7 comfort movies #here have a look at my brain

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 4 years

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Michael in the Mainstream: Epic Rap Battles of History

In September of 2010, a series began that would spend the decade growing, expanding, improving, and even attracting controversy: Epic Rap Battles of History. The concept is simple - take two characters from history or pop culture and have them get into a rap battle where every single line is loaded with clever allusions to the participants. From there, it can go in really any direction - rappers can jump into the middle of a battle, rappers can team up, battles can be heavily skewed in one direction… there’s a lot of variance.

Watching the series grow into something as impressive and well-done as it is nowadays has been quite an experience. The first battle, “John Lennon vs Bill O’Reilly,” is honestly pretty bad by today’s standards, with a weak beat, poor costumes, bad impressions, and just a general lack of polish. But it did have something to it, something that would come to light as more and more episodes were released - Peter Shukoff and Lloyd Ahlquist really had a knack for rapping. I think the best part of the series over the past ten years is watching them go from the green rappers in that original video to incredibly talented and clever writers, singers, and actors, delivering stellar performances left and right in the more recent seasons.

With their first decade behind them, I’ve decided to go season by season and look at what worked and what didn’t as the show grew and evolved. I give an overview of each season, talk about some of the strengths and weaknesses they exhibited, and then go over the best and worst characters and battles of each season.

So, as the announcer says at the end of every intro... BEGIN!!!

Season 1

It’s hard to totally hate this season, but boy is it hard to love it. This was their first season, and their first batch of battles, so I think a little leeway needs to be given here; it’s clear they’re trying to find their footing and see what works and what doesn’t in terms of matchup and characterization. This leads to a lot of the battles of season one feeling really weird in hindsight, with the infamous “Genghis Khan vs The Easter Bunny” being the most standout example.

However, that’s just the most notable bit of wonkiness; there are plenty more decisions and matchups that really seem baffling in hindsight. One of the biggest ones is when Peter portrayed Lady Gaga in a rap battle against Sarah Palin of all people. This leads to a lot of the jokes Palin lobs being a bit more uncomfortable than they would have been if a woman played Gaga; this is notably the only time a female character has been portrayed by a man to this date.

Beyond that some of the matchups are just really nonsensical or rely too much on outdated memes. The worst offender in both regards is probably “Abraham Lincoln vs Chuck Norris,” which features Peter delivering one of his greatest performances in the series as Lincoln against a Lloyd-portrayed Norris who does nothing but spout “Chuck Norris Facts” thst we’re tired and unfunny even back in 2010. Likewise, Vince Offer popping up as backup for Billy Mays is pretty of-the-time, but that battle is actually good so it gets a pass.

Still, there are a lot more battles that do work or at least show a lot of promise. Look no further than the second battle in the series and the one that put them on the map, “Adolf Hitler vs Darth Vader.” While it’s a bit basic lyrically and not quite up to the later standards of the series, it’s easy to see why this became as big as it did. Zack Sherwin and George Watsky get their first guest spots here as Einstein and Shakespeare respectively, and both of them kill it in their roles, with the former even being part of one of the season’s best battles. It’s definitely easy to see why these two are the most reoccurring guest stars in the series.

Ultimately, season one is uneven and experimental, but shows a lot of promise. I think the datedness of some of the battles, particularly in regards to the ones featuring characters like Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga; using these two in particular so early in their careers really robbed us, particularly in the case of Bieber, whose decade-long downward spiral would have made for some really interesting disses. Then there are characters like Mr. Rogers and Genghis Khan, who are just wasted on completely mismatched opponents. There is good stuff here, but it lacks the polish later battles would have, making it hard to recommend revisiting this one. I’d say that with a few notable exceptions, you can safely skip this season.

Best Battle: “Albert Einstein vs Stephen Hawking” is probably the best battle of the sesaon; while the original Hitler/Vader battle is iconic, this one was one of the more clever early battles and if nothing else gave us the first Zach Sherwin performance and an awesome and faithful rendition of Hawking.

Worst Battle: “Genghis Khan vs the Easter Bunny.” As if it could be anything else.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: Abe Lincoln, despite being in one of the weaker battles of the season, immediately cemented himself as one of Peter’s best characters, and it definitely helps he has some pretty hard and creative disses, particularly his line involving Chuck Norris crying his cancer-curing tears on his filmography. It’s no wonder Lincoln is the only president who keeps coming back.

Peter: Darth Vader became one of the most iconic characters in the first few seasons for a reason, and despite his weaker lines here than in his sequels, he still manages to be as cool and intimidating as Darth Vader in a rap battle should be.

Guest: Albert Einstein was Zach Sherwin’s first appearance in the series, and what a first appearance it is! It really isn’t a shock he has been invited back time and time again, as he is an absolute blast in this battle.

Worst Characters:

Lloyd: Chuck Norris is the clear loser in terms of Lloyd’s characters this season. He’s nothing but a string of tired memes, and offers no insight into Norris at all. Frankly it would have been nice if they ripped into Norris harder, seeing as he’s a right-winger, homophobe, and Trump supporter. Portraying him as some cool, unstoppable force really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Peter: Lady Gaga, hands down, and it’s not that hard a decision. She was portrayed terribly and it really is a shame they didn’t wait until later in her career to use her, because there is so much more interesting things to say about her now than back when they made the rap battle and the most interesting things to riff on were the stupid rumors that she was a hermaphrodite and her weird outfits.

Guest: Alex Farnham’s Justin Bieber is whiny, obnoxious, gets few good lines, and is more than a little mean-spirited; keep in mind, this was made early in Bieber’s career, when his only crime was being a kid with a music career who made songs some people hated. It just seems cruel, and considering how he would turn out a few years later, a world of missed opportunity… but that’s par for the course for season one.

Season 2

Season two was the proverbial “growing the beard” moment for the series. Coming out a month after season one, the new episodes already seemed bigger and more polished, starting off strong with a rematch between Hitler and Vader more epic than the original. Things continued solidly until the season peaked with the masterpiece that is “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates.” That battle was a huge game changer, and took the series to new heights, heights the rest of the season after struggled to meet.

The big problem is that about half of the battles post-“Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates” are incredibly forgettable or even bad. “Doc Brown vs Doctor Who” is on the forgettable side, as is the first-ever election battle, which pitted Obama up against Mitt Romney. Romney alone should tell you why this battle is so forgettable; it’s a battle you really had to be there in the moment for, and is frankly a good argument as to why election battles should not be done. It’s not awful by any means, but it really isn’t memorable or relevant.

On the bad side, we have “Frank Sinatra vs Freddie Mercury,” “Batman Vs Sherlock Holmes,” and the infamous “Adam vs Eve.” The former two mostly suffer from awful characterization, with Sinatra being set up in the same way Justin Bieber was to be the clear loser. There’s nothing wrong with a curbstomp rap battle obviously, but considering how Sinatra is NOT a reviled figure like Bieber, this one goes over very poorly. Batman on the other hand mainly suffers from being horribly characterized and having extremely repetitive verses, with both his verses basically reiterating the same points. Neither battle is godawful, but they don’t really make good cases for themselves.

Then there is “Adam vs Eve.” This battle is widely regarded as the worst battle of not only the season, but THE ENTIRE SERIES. There is a very good reason for that: this battle is a massive departure from the style and tone of the series. Adam and Eve here represent stereotypical sitcom man and woman; there are very few Biblical references and the whole thing is very one-sided in Eve’s favor, with the battle basically ending with Adam apologizing for calling Eve a bitch… after she spent the past few minutes insulting his sexual prowess and penis size. There are a lot of double standards here, and it would only have been worse if God’s planned cameo was kept in, where he unambiguously sides with Eve.

But let’s not pretend like these are more than exceptions that prove the rule. Season two is remarkably solid, to the point where some battles have aged far better than you would expect. The prime example of this is “Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe;” at the time derided by audiences as just a battle consisting of nothing but slut-shaming, looking back it is a very strong yet lighthearted entry between two incredibly intense battles that has a great beat, clever lines, and strong performances from the two ladies. There are a couple of other underrated gems of the season but this one takes the cake.

The season is notable for a lot of big firsts. This is the first season to nab mainstream celebrities as guests, getting Keegan-Michael Key, Jordan Peele, and Snoop Dogg himself to portray Gandhi, MLK, and Moses, respectively. Unsurprisingly the battles featuring them are some of the very best of the season. It’s also the first season with a woman vs woman battle where both characters are portrayed by women, to much better results than the previous one. It’s the first season to have a two-on-two battle, with the second battle of the season featuring the Mario Bros battling the Wright brothers.

The biggest first however was the new style introduced in the finale: the Royale. This style of battle is basically a one on one to start, with each rapper getting one verse and then after the second rapper’s verse a third party barged in to school them, followed by a fourth and then a fifth. This first one featured famous figures from Russian history: Rasputin, Stalin, Lenin, Gorbachev, and Putin, and it is fun and hilarious, though Putin’s portrayal is definitely a product of its time and clearly made before people realized how evil he is.

This season also has some notable missed opportunities unique to it. The first is that there is a whole scrapped battle that was even teased in the trailer for season two, which would have had Hillary Clinton rapping against King Henry VIII. Peter and Lloyd were disappointed with how the audio came out and so permanently shelved it, though the audio is available online. It would have been interesting to see how it would have turned out, though the audio does not paint the best picture and the battle likely would have been forgettable. Still, it would have been interesting to have both parties in the 2016 election battle be returning rappers.

The second is that, to date, season two is the only season to use video game characters, with Mario, Luigi, and Master Chief being the sole representatives of the art form. This gets weirder with every passing year, as video games continue to become more mainstream and characters like Solid Snake, Samus, Phoenix Wright, Lara Croft, and Kratos continue to be popular suggestions for battles. It just feels like a lot of opportunities are being missed, though there’s always hope now that fans have more say than ever.

Overall, season two was a big, confident stride forward for the series. While there are a few stingers and forgettable battles here and there, the majority live up to the title of the series. I’d say that, moreso than season one, this is a great starting point for the series, This season marks the beginning of what I’d like to call the Golden Age, and I would say there are very few episodes here you should skip.

Best Battle: “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates,” which is not as easy a decision as it seems considering the quality of the season overall. Still, this one probably holds up the best out of all of the episodes, with the rhymes, flow, disses, and beat all being legendary and the surprise interjection from HAL 9000 being nothing short of awesome.

Worst Battle: “Adam vs Eve,” which again, is probably also the worst battle of the entire series.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Gorbachev is the winner here. He’s just a funny, goofy ditz of a Russian leader, and he definitely schools all of the other arguing Russians. His beat is unique and a lot of fun, which definitely helps him stand out even more.

Peter: Peter has a lot of great roles this season, but it’s hard to not give the win to Santa, because Peter was able to hold his own against SNOOP DOGG. Speaking of which...

Guest: Snoop Dogg’s Moses is the standout in a season with no shortage of cool guests. I mean, come on, it’s Snoop

Worst Character:

Lloyd: Adam, hands down, and keep in mind Lloyd also played the now-irrelevant Mitt Romney this season. Adam sucked so bad a bland politician outdid him.

Peter: I’m not sure who told Peter to play Batman like that, but… yeah. Batman sucks here. I hope they bring him back and do him justice someday.

Guest: Jenna Marbles is completely wasted as Eve.

Season 3

Out of the three Golden Age seasons (2 - 4), I think season three is the most uneven and messy. While there are obviously some great battles here - it is part of the Golden Age after all - there are a lot of bad and awkward battles, or at the very least there aren’t as many great battles to make the bad ones seem less egregious. The tone is set by the season opener, the third and final battle between Hitler and Vader which despite a cool Boba Fett cameo ends up feeling underwhelming and boring.

The real issue with this season is that, while there aren’t too many genuinely bad battles this season, even the good ones feel a bit off. For the bad, we have “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc,” which wastes one of history’s most badass woman against a flash-in-the-pan pop star; this battle has very few defenders, and gave woman back woman rap battles even more (undeserved) flack. To the season’s credit it doesn’t really get worse, and the only other weak battles are “George Washington vs William Wallace” (which not only conflates the fictionalized version of Wallace from Braveheart with the real one, but makes George Washington way more boring than he should be) and “Rick Grimes vs Walter White” (which feels like a ratings grab riding off of the coattails of two popular shows, though Lloyd really kills it as Walt).

For the good ones, a lot are held back from the lofty greatness of season two’s best by disappointing flaws. “Superman vs Goku” is fun and performs the miracle of making Ray William Johnson cool for two minutes, but it just feels way too short, especially considering the massive histories of the characters. The finale has a similar issue with shortness; “Artists vs Turtles” pits the TMNT against their namesakes, and the first verse and beat are fantastic, but the turtles get absolutely shafted on lyrics and the whole battle comes off as feeling uneven. This wouldn’t be so bad if this wasn’t a four-on-Four battle. “Stephen King vs Edgar Allen Poe” is so close to being great, as it has fantastic lyrics and a great Watsky performance, but Zach Sherwin chose a weird, raspy voice for King that brings the battle down a bit. It’s kind of sad that a battle between ERB’s two most popular guests is hampered by such an odd choice.

Still, when the season is great, it is GREAT. Key and Peele return, this time playing MICHAEL Jordan and Muhammed Ali respectively, and they kill it. Weird Al shows up playing Isaac Newton and, as expected, is amazing in his battle against Bill Nye. And the series introduces a new, very interesting type of rap battle - the story battle/gauntlet battle. Basically, there is one consistent rapper, and they rap against multiple opponents in succession, usually with some sort of storyline. And what better story to turn into a rap battle than A Christmas Carol? Scrooge goes up against Donald Trump, J.P. Morgan, Kanye West, and the Grim Reaper to learn the true meaning of Christmas, and it’s every bit as awesome as it sounds.

Season three is definitely a good season, and the weaker battles are still worth a listen even if they do have some issues; the only one I’d say is unlistenably bad is “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc” due to how offensive the wasting of Joan is. I feel like people listening to this season will have wildly different opinions on which battles are good, bad, and great, so even if it feels a bit wonky there’s no denying it’s worth a listen.

Best Battle: “Donald Trump vs Ebenezer Scrooge” is a real game changer, and is not only fantastic, but as its only use of profanity is censored you can reasonably play this at a holiday party! If you ever need your quick fix of the Dickens classic, this is the way to get it, as this is remarkably faithful and very good at condensing the story into a rap battle.

Worst Battle: “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc” is just absolutely unforgivable; Joan deserved a more fitting opponent than Cyrus. Katniss was often a suggested opponent, but I feel like even that would be bad, as Katniss has faded from the cultural consciousness over time unlike someone like Harry Potter. Still, Joan deserved way better than to be wasted for some throwaway curbstomp battle.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: Lloyd shows how good it feels to be a gangster with his portrayal of Al Capone, which manages to elevate the battle a bit higher despite the rather cheesy (but not bad) portrayal of Blackbeard opposite him.

Peter: Death, the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, is utterly chilling, devoid of humor, and delivers one of the most legitimately terrifying verses in the series. This is why this ghost doesn’t usually get to speak in adaptations - because not only is he utterly terrifying, he steals the whole show. Peter really killed it with this one.

Guest: A lot of good guests popped in this season, but only one of them was Weird Al as Sir Isaac Newton. His flow is incredible, showing he has come a long way from “I Can’t Watch This.” He even gets a fast rap segment where he gets to show off his “Hardware Store” skills.

Worst Characters:

As uneven as the season felt, Peter and Lloyd actually managed to stay remarkably consistent; Lloyd didn’t play any character I can say was ‘bad’ by any stretch. For a given value of “worst,” Peter’s Donald Trump just pales in comparison to Lloyd’s a couple seasons later. But again, as uneven as the season was, Peter and Lloyd really didn’t do bad. This is the point where the duo really began to come into their own and develop as performers, with them rarely turning in a bad performance from here on out.

The guest, on the other hand... Michelle Glavan’s Miley suffers from the same problems Bieber did two seasons prior - except her battle feels less like a funny curbstomp battle and more like they actually tried to make Miley Cyrus on the same level as ST. JOAN OF ARC.

Season 4

This is, without a doubt, the absolute best season of ERB. This is when they truly found their groove, knew what they were doing, and did nothing but pump out hit after hit after hit. It’s to the point where there is really only one bad battle in the season, and it’s not nearly as offensive as previous season’s stinkers.

Right out the gate this season proved itself by ditching the old tradition of Hitler and Vader and instead delivering up a highly requested matchup - in this case the Ghostbusters and the Mythbusters. The real treat isn’t merely the pitch-perfect portrayals, but the appearance at the end by the B Team and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, which cemented this as a fantastic and unique opening. From here, it was almost nothing but fantastic battles until the midseason finale, which was a battle royale of film directors.

Many argued that the season lost steam upon coming back from break, as “Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted” was a bit underwhelming as a return, but from there the season picked up with the criminally underrated “David Copperfield vs Harry Houdini” and then continuing up with the quality, the season peaking with “Eastern Philisophers vs Western Philosophers,” a fantastic showdown between some of the greatest thinkers of history. Somehow “Shaka Zulu vs Julius Caesar” kept up the pace, but I will say the season faltered a bit at the ending.

While “Jim Henson vs Stan Lee” is not bad, and is especially sweet and heartwarming in light of Stan Lee’s death, the use of Walt Disney as a soulless supervillain representing the monopolistic tendencies of his company and not the man himself is a rather contentious choice. It doesn’t help that the battle feels a lot more mellow and peaceful, which mostly has to do with the two men battling. It frankly feels like this should have been the midseason opener and the philosopher battle should have been the finale, since the latter battle feels a lot more epic and climactic.

The only truly bad battle of the season is, unfortunately, “Oprah vs Ellen,” which did nothing to alleviate the stigma of women characters in rap battles. I feel like the major issue with this one is that Oprah just has terrible lines and delivery, with some of her lines having painfully forced rhymes. Not helping is that it came hot on the heels of “Jack the Ripper vs Hannibal Lecter,” one of the best battles of season four’s first half.

Still, that’s a small blip on this season’s radar. To wrap things up on a more positive note, this season features perhaps the most unique battle in the franchise: “Zeus vs Thor.” Not only is it the only battle between deities so far, it is also the only battle animated entirely with Legos. It not only helps it stand out due to its unique style, it makes the battle more timeless and not prone to aging poorly in terms of visuals. It’s just overall a showcase of the brilliance of Peter and Lloyd - which is really something that can be said of the whole season.

This is, once again, the very best season of the show. It’s almost nothing but incredible, fantastic works from start to finish. Even the couple of battles that I feel are a bit weak tend to have some good stuff going for them. This was really where the series was at the top of its game, and I genuinely feel that there was nowhere they could go from here but down… and down they did go.

Best Battle: In a season full of fantastic battles, the gold medal still undoubtedly must go to the philosopher battle. The awesome beat! Laozi beatboxing! Nietzsche! It’s really something special.

Worst Battle: “Oprah vs Ellen,” for the reasons stated above. It’s not even so much that it’s bad as it is really underwhelming and filled with awkward lines, but it does stick out as notably poor in an otherwise stellar season.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: This is another Stellar season for Peter and Lloyd; it’s hard to pick just one great performance, but Lloyd voicing Stay Puft is certainly a hilarious treat.

Peter: Peter’s portrayal of Julius Caesar is one of the best showcases of his acting talents this season. I’d say it’s tied with Robocop, who Peter also knocks out of the park.

Guest: This season was absolutely stellar in regards to guests, so honestly picking the best is really a tossup. A personal favorite of mine is Dan Bull’s Jack the Ripper, who is equal parts chilling and entertaining.

Worst Character: It could only be Oprah, what with her painful rhymes and poor verses. That being said, she’s probably the only rapper I could stretch to call bad this season, as Peter and Lloyd has no bad showings and the other guests were pretty great.

Season 5

Welcome to the Dark Age. Season five is without a doubt the most divisive season of the series, and I do feel that that is a bit unwarranted because there are some truly fantastic battles here, probably more than there were in Golden Age seasons like three. The major issue with this season is not really a problem with the battles themselves, but a two-pronged meta problem: burnout, and the toxic fanbase.

The burnout was a long time coming. Peter and Lloyd had been doing ERB nonstop for half the decade at the point this season came out, and as the finale of the season, a rematch between Peter and Lloyd, showed the two were tired, frustrated, and hitting walls in terms of creativity. They obviously loved the series - there was still plenty of passion, creativity, and wit in the battles - but they needed a break, especially since Peter had recently become a father.

The other issue was far less predictable. When the 2010s began, making fun of Nazis and conservative ideology was cool, fun, and pretty much what anyone with a functioning brain was doing. But over the 2010s, a lot of radicalization began occurring due to social media and its ability to give platforms to awful people who shouldn’t be allowed to talk. Nazis, alt-right, conservatives, anti-SJWs, they all started building up over the decade and trying to wage a culture-wide war on sensitivity and empathy, instead trying to convince others that the plight of those who are disadvantaged due to how the ruling class structured society is not worth addressing and that things are fine the way they are. Trump’s depressingly successful presidential campaign did nothing but embolden and strengthen the resolve of these creeps, and that kind of leads into the three most contentious battles of the season - “Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson,” “Donald Trump vs Hillary Clinton,” and “Bruce Banner vs Bruce Jenner.”

“Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson” got a lot of flack for seemingly being one-sided in Douglass’ favor, with him almost solely attacking Jefferson for his owning of slaves and not really establishing himself well. While the battle isn’t particularly engaging and I didn’t really come out feeling like I learned much about Douglass, a lot of the criticisms at the time seemed more focused on being angry that this battle addressed that slavery was actually a thing at all and that the battle watered things down to “Jefferson bad!” This is of course disregarding that even Douglass admits in his final verse that Jefferson did a lot for the country, but that we need to address the bad parts of him more than we do. Still, this was small potatoes compared to the latter two battles.

These two battles are what made Pete and Lloyd really pause due to the negative reactions both battles garnered. The election battle received a lot of criticism for seemingly having a “left-wing bias,” as despite it following a similar structure to the previous presidential election battle, Lincoln’s appearance was a lot more focused on berating and abusing Trump. One needs to keep in mind though that Trump had already definitively shown he was a racist, misogynistic scumbag at this point in the presidential race, all of his lines were based on things he actually said, and he was pretty much the strongest rapper in the battle, getting in a lot of good disses. The battle is only “one-sided” in the minds of people who want to be angry at everything; it’s no more one sided than any of the Hitler and Vader fights, it just so happens that one combatant is more evil than the other and so deserves more abuse.

“Banner vs Jenner” seemed to get flack almost entirely due to its acknowledgment that trans people exist. I will be the first to admit that Caitlin Jenner is not really the best person to be using to push a pro-LGBT+ message, especially considering her political leanings, but the fact remains that there was a massive influx of transphobic comments in regards to the battle, mostly with very tired “The connection is they are Bruces who turn into monsters Lol” jokes. This drowned out a lot of legitimate criticisms of the battle - namely, that Jenner got to ramble on for several bars in her second verse while Hulk barely got to get in any good jabs. It’s even more disappointing because the first verses for both rappers was fantastic, and the second half of the battle looked to be shaping into something great… and then Jenner rambled on and on and on. But it was hard to find much constructive criticism because there was just so much hate and tasteless comments. Stuff like that upset Peter and Lloyd, as they had assumed their fanbase was more progressive and forward-thinking, but with how the internet works, they severely misjudged the kinds of people who had infested their fanbase.

It really is a shame that those battles tend to overshadow the entire season five conversation, because boy are there some really great battles here. There’s underrated gems like the overhated “Wonder Woman vs Stevie Wonder,” strong female rappers like Julia Child in her battle against Gordon Ramsay, long-requested matchups like “James Bond vs Austin Powers,” and even a great story battle with “Ivan the Terrible vs Alexander the Great,” which has Ivan murdering his way through historical figures with “The Great” in their titles. It’s a lot of fun, and Peter’s performance as Ivan is a showcase of his talents.

However, the season’s greatest contribution to the series is most definitely the penultimate battle, which is “Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill.” This might very well be the most epic battle in the series: the ever-popular announcer for ERB’s news jumping in to battle the only man in history who could possibly be ballsy enough to stand up to him. It’s to the point where even as the battle ends, the two are still roughly on even footing and it’s hard to say who won. If this had been the season finale, or even the series finale if they had decided not to continue, things would be perfect.

This season is overshadowed by controversy, and it really isn’t totally fair. Most of the controversy is around the guys trying to be more progressive and for punching hard at Trump but not Clinton, and while I can’t say I love the results (the controversial battles are definitely the weakest of the season) it really shouldn’t be held against them for trying to be socially conscious and they certainly should not be shamed, berated, or told to leave politics out of their battles (rap is an inherently personal genre, so politics are always going to find a way in, especially if the characters they’re portraying are, you know, politicians). I think a lot of great battles are overlooked, all because of the more controversial ones, and that’s a real shame, because this is a solid season only held back by the controversy it found itself mired in due to the state of the internet at the time.

Best Battle: “Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill,” naturally.

Worst Battle: “Bruce Banner vs Bruce Jenner,” though it entirely comes down to how the second half of the battle was handled; having this be the battle was not in itself a bad idea, and was actually pretty clever. The poor, lopsided battle biased in the favor of a character who is a terrible person in real life simply because they’re trans (or at least that’s kind of the vibe the episode gives) really doesn’t help. Frankly I wish they had given the first trans character in the series honor to someone more worthy, like the Wachowski sisters.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Teddy Roosevelt is the obvious choice, but I almost feel like it’s cheating since he is a mainstay on the channel. If we discount him, Frederick the Great is the clear winner for stealing a whole battle in twelve bars.

Peter: It’s honestly a tie between Austin Powers and Ivan the Terrible. Peter really rocked it with his performances in this season, and those two are some of his best roles ever.

Guest: In one of the most out-there yet awesome guest spots ever, we have T-Pain as Stevie Wonder, ditching the auto tune and delivering sick rhymes while tastefully portraying Stevie’s blindness.

Worst Character: Once again, Peter and Lloyd manage not to put in any bad performances, which really is a testament to how far they’ve come as entertainers.That only leaves one spot, the guest, and it really has to go to the elephant in the room: No Shame’s Caitlin Jenner.

I don’t really blame No Shame here; because she had the unenviable position of playing Jenner in the first place; Jenner is not exactly a beloved figure in the LGBT+ community or otherwise, and while it is cool they got a trans rapper to play a trans character, I feel like backlash here was inevitable just because of who it was.

What doesn’t help is that Jenner rambles on for a ludicrous amount of bars, getting in way more disses than Hulk did and not having any of her negative qualities addressed, which is especially baffling considering her real life political leanings and manslaughter charge being ripe for mockery. It ultimately comes off as tokenism, like they were trying to force a win for the first trans character by handicapping her opponent and ignoring her flaws, which ultimately backfired as most people give the win to Banner/Hulk as opposed to Jenner.

I really hope ERB does a trans character again, because there are plenty of interesting trans people throughout history, but I really hope they avoid the pitfalls Jenner fell into and make it a fair and balanced rap battle.

Season 6

After a hiatus that lasted through 2017 and until the end of 2018, the boys dropped a bonus battle to show they were coming back. And lo and behold, in the spring of 2019 season six dropped! While it is only half over by the decade’s end, one thing is for sure: Peter and Lloyd are back in top form.

The battles this time around seem to be a lot of highly requested matchups, which is not a huge shock - I believe certain tiers of donors who support them get a direct line to speak to the people behind ERB. It’s to the point where Robin Williams appearing in the comedian battle Royale was not the original plan, but he was so highly requested they added him in. Continuing the trend of popular requests opening seasons, this one kicks off with the long-awaited “Freddy Krueger vs Wolverine.” It’s clear how much their lyricism has improved, and the visuals in the battle are incredible, setting the bar high for the season.

Most of the battles in the first half sadly don’t try and go for creative backgrounds, sadly; only “Joker vs Pennywise” and “Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin” really do interesting stuff with their backgrounds. Still, the other battles make up for it in other ways, typically with deft lyricism and great flow. In fact, even though not all the battles are top-tier, it’s telling that the weakest battle so far is “Mother Teresa vs Sigmund Freud,” which only suffers because of how repetitive the disses get, especially on Freud’s end - Teresa’s flow and disses hit hard, Freud has a solid second verse, and the best is very fun. The worst thing I can say about it is that it feels like a holdover from season two, and considering this has been a matchup they’ve wanted to do for a long time, it wouldn’t shock me if it is.

The production values are astounding, and the overall visuals are the best in the series, but alas there are some hiccups. Freddy Krueger and Thanos in particular look a bit off; their battles are obviously not bad, but the costumes leave something to be desired, though considering these guys aren’t a multimillion dollar film studio it’s fair to cut a little bit of slack. What can’t be excused, however. Is the constant use of outdated memes, the worst offender being a reference to “What Does the Fox Say” in the rap battle between Che Guevara and Guy Fawkes (Side note: it is absolutely hilarious that Guy Fawkes and Joker both debuted in this season, considering… well… this). Almost every battle so far this season has contained a dated visual or lyrical reference, though they don’t really ruin the battles.

Overall, the season is extremely good so far, and showcases perfectly how far Peter and Lloyd have come since that first rap battle between John Lennon and Bill O’Reilly. The flows, the beats, the lyrics, the costumes… it’s all so good now. Long gone are the awkward days of the early seasons, and the burnout that was evident in season five is truly gone. These guys are having fun again, and I look forward to the rest of this season in 2020.

Best Battle: So far this season has almost been nothing but smashes, but perhaps their greatest accomplishment is “The Joker vs Pennywise,” which manages to play off the relevancy of both killer clowns while giving us some of Peter and Lloyd’s best performances to date, with Peter in particular doing a phenomenal Mark Hamill impression. The battle is also a bit longer than usual, with each rapper getting three verses, allowing them to cram in numerous references. Joker is definitely the wittier and funnier rapper, but Pennywise has a much better flow, which honestly plays to their actor’s strengths. This is my personal favorite battle of the series.

“Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin” is honestly tied, as it also plays off the duo’s strengths and is very fun with an energetic, badass beat.

Worst Battle: A lot of people point to “Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula” for its slow pace and goofier take on Dracula, or “Ronald Mcdonald vs The Burger King” for being recycled from their “Flash in the Pan Hip Hop Conflicts of Nowadays” side series with very little in the way of improved lyrics. On both counts I disagree; I think both are good battles, with the latter being one of my favorites due to how goofy it is. So far, though, the battle that was the biggest disappointment was “Mother Teresa vs Sigmund Freud.” This was one a long time coming, but the payoff isn’t quite worth it. Most of the jokes on Freud’s side are incredibly repetitive, and in general his flow is weak compared to Teresa, who just absolutely kills it with creative and witty deliveries. It leads to this weird feeling of Freud being a season one character in terms of quality, which is a real shame.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Lloyd just oozes the charisma of Steve Irwin and Robin Williams when he plays them, easily making them the standout performances of this half of season six.

Peter: Peter brings his A-game as Joker, as mentioned above, but he also manages to be incredibly chilling and awesome as J. Robert Oppenheimer, easily outdoing Thanos in their rap battle. Oh snap!

Guest: This is a season of ties, it looks like, cuz Jackie Tohn as Joan Rivers and Gary Anthony Williams as Bill Cosby really change the tone of the comedian royale for the better. Cosby barely gets any lines, mind you, and spends most of the battle drugged and getting abused by Tohn’s Joan Rivers, but there’s just something hilarious about the ERB guys getting Uncle Ruckus to play a drugged-out Cosby. As for Rivers, she’s just perfect.

Worst Character: Visually, Thanos is not the best, and lyrically, Freud isn’t great, but I don’t think either of them deserves to be called ‘the worst.’ So far, this season has managed to avoid any overt stinkers.

And so we come to a close. Ten years of rap battles, ten years of growing and improvement, ten years of a rollercoaster ride of quality… it really is amazing that Peter and Lloyd have consistently managed to come back to this series and find new ways to breathe life into it. Considering their more recent videos, I can only hope they keep up this level of quality into the next decade. Here’s to another ten years of ERB!

…

Oh, alright, I’ll talk about the bonus battles. So far, there have been two: “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” came out between seasons four and five, and “Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg” came out a few months before season six kicked off to show us all that, yes, the boys were back, and they weren’t messing around. Both battles are pretty indicative of the time period they were made; “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” has that extremely high level of quality in terms of writing and characterization that season four did, and “Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg” has the sort of rejuvenated, fresh feeling the season six battles have. I will say I much prefer the former than the latter, as the latter does at least somewhat come off as an attempt to recapture the glory of “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates,” only with two far less charismatic inventors, but it’s still pretty fun and clever in its own right. “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” is, without a doubt, one of their best battles ever, and does justice to two of the most beloved ensemble darkhorses in all of media. I can only hope any bonus battles in the future are up to these two in terms of quality.

Now with all that said… here’s to another decade of ERB! May they only continue to grow and improve in the 2020s!

#Michael in the Mainstream #Review #web show review #epic rap battles of history #ERB #rap #nice peter #epiclloyd #history #rap battles #comedy #Youtube

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arbitrarylau · 5 years

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terry & michael- "How Not To Be Seen”

@keithmoonie requested a story of Terry Jones and Michael Palin’s friendship. here it is! sorry it’s a little lengthy, but I hope that it’s quality enough to compensate. it takes place in their university days, in an ambiguously sixties setting. enjoy!!

(and sorry in advance for any typos or errors)

-------------------------------

Terry could hear the distant music of adolescence lingering in the air of the hallway– a sensation he often comprehended but seldom experienced. The path to the dormitory felt like a rite of passage, transferring him from the world of medieval solace to the normal world of university students. By the time he reached his destination, quite evident from the students loitering recreationally in the hallway, it was far too late to question his decision. Overstepping a dazed girl on the floor and pushing cautiously on the slightly opened passage to a Bacchic ritual, he was exposed to every contemporary method of intoxication. Marijuana, alcohol, LSD, and indirectly, yet seemingly utilized by many partiers, the intoxicating desire to gain sexual gratification by the end of the evening. It was at this point Terry fought the urge to run back to his room and continue reading about European history.

Yet he dominated his subconscious and positioned himself inanimately near the wall.

“Hey there,” he heard, shifting his observant quietness into interactivity. Terry saw a girl standing before him, smoking a cigarette. She had long blonde hair, and bangs concealing her forehead, and clothes that soothingly draped over her body, turning her into a personification of the decade’s culture.

“Oh, hello there,” Terry chuckled nervously.

“Don’t see you around these things, really. What’s your name?”

“Terry. Terry Jones,” he introduced, his eyes flickering momentarily to the side in a failed attempt to maintain composure. “What’s your–”

“Nancy. What brings a chap like you here on a Saturday night?”

Terry hesitated, trying to decide upon the most valid response. Time was limited, so he spoke honestly.

“I’ve been spending too many weekends studying. I thought that I’d maybe, well, try it out, you know?”

“Oh, so you’re pretty inexperienced then, eh?”

She took a step closer to him, lifting her hand to his arm, letting it gently slide down with unclear suggestion. Terry felt as if the wall had closed in slightly. He tried to hide the flustering red glow of his cheeks.

“I’m, oh, well, I don’t know. It depends on which way that you, mean.”

She raised an eyebrow, seemingly intending to play upon his nervous ramble.

“What sort of things do you know?” With this, she tilted her head slightly, with an innocent quality about the way her hair flowingly followed.

“I know… medieval history. Some of it, anyways. I’m learning it now,” he answered humorously in his own mind, although ambiguously in reality. Nancy smiled widely, inhaling more smoke.

“One second,” she said gleefully, yet with a slight twinge of suspect. Terry watched the glowing enigma walk away into the dimly lit activity of the party. He wished Michael could have come. But he didn’t want his friend’s absence to excuse this much-needed social stimulation. This was the right choice, he told himself. Partway into his unnerved contemplation, Nancy returned with two other girls.

“Medieval history, eh?” a brunette said, slumping onto her left leg. Another brunette on Nancy’s other side intently observed Terry, in an effort unescaped from his awareness.

“Oh, yes. I’m taking several courses on it right now.” He let the corner of his mouth rise, warming to her interest. The pressure was alleviating.

“Are you looking to be a historian?” she said, her ponytail swaying with her exuberant behaviour, comparatively to that of Nancy.

“Yes! That’s the goal!”

Terry felt a rush of excitement through his chest. He had entered an unknown world and discovered familiarity and empathy.

“You know, Linda has a thing for historians,” she added, referring likely to the third girl. The other one grinned in response.

“There’s nothing sexier than a historian,” she sighed, her eyes jaded with pleasure.

Nancy let the cigarette wedged between her long fingers slide out between her lips, puffing a cloud of smoke right into Terry’s face.

“Why don’t you teach us something?”

He looked between the three, simultaneously perceiving them as students and potential tormentors.

“Well, there were pretty distinct social classes around the time, with the monarchy–” (he saw Linda conceal her face momentarily, exposing a raised eyebrow and parted lips once she regained composure) “at the peak of importance…”

“Oh, go on,” Nancy prompted, trying to break his hesitant lecture.

“…anyway, they were important.” Terry felt increasingly congested. The weight of his clothing felt multiplied; his skin vigorously tempted to compensate for the heat. He pulled at the collar of his dress shirt, which greatly advertised his innocent individuality. “Are you actually interested in all of this?”

With a sudden shift to seriousness, they all nodded apprehensively.

“Please, go on–” the nameless girl urged, only to then break into a restricted laugh. She slapped her hand to her mouth in a sorry attempt to conceal it.

“Jane!” Nancy shouted accusingly at her, gaining Terry’s momentary affection. Her connotation crumbled as she continued, “you ruined it.”

With that, Terry felt the crushing confirmation of his foolery. He cleared his throat to seem unaffected, desperately avoiding a vengeful desire to hit his shoulder against Jane. He entered into the centre of the spacious dorm room, ironically an escape of clearer exposure. He heard the other two girls giggling harmoniously. He came face to face with a taller male student, his hair ruffled, and his shirt ambitiously unbuttoned. The student looked Terry up and down, grinning slyly.

“Did you forget your paperwork?”

Every unbearable and dreadful emotion hit Terry like a vehicle– embarrassment, exclusion, regret, frustration. He turned to the door, in which he vigorously intended to utilize, seeing Michael standing in the frame as if he were an appropriately-timed theophany of salvation. Terry approached and passed his friend, leaving his incomplete sympathies behind.

“Terry!” he heard Michael call out in concern. Terry stepped over the same girl from before, emerging himself in the collective of people on the path back to his room.

“Hey!”

This shout was more aggressive and concise, drawing his attention. Terry turned around in a similar fashion to the others in the compacted hallway. He met eyes with Michael, who paused, and then grabbed a cup from the floor.

“Hey look, everyone. I can do a handstand! I’m going to do one, so move out of the way.”

He lifted the cup to his face, tilting it back too strongly, the substance pouring all over his chin and neck. A few chuckles could be heard throughout the slightly-passive audience, from those students who believed they were better than the supposed drunkard on display. Michael placed the cup down and rolled up his sleeves. He squatted, positioned his arms to support his knees, and abruptly threw the bottom-half of his body up. Like an inverted pendulum, his legs powerfully fell forward, throwing him onto his back. Everyone laughed (the intoxicated: hysterically). A smile of realization fought the scowl on Terry’s face. Michael groaned, sitting up, looking at his best friend. This meeting of minds was pure and meaningful.

“Fuck all of this,” Michael stated as he slowly limped down the hall toward Terry. “Let’s go.”

Without any notice from the bacchants, Terry threw his arm around Michael as they left the adolescent air behind them.

“I thought you had your drama club meeting,” Terry pondered as they reached the stairwell.

“It ended early. I figured you’d want company.” Michael winced and grabbed the fabric against his tailbone. They continued walking, the eerie silence of the university echoing.

“…You didn’t have to do that. I know what you were doing. But you seem hurt now.”

Michael shook his head, smiling softly at Terry.

“…You’re right. That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. I’ll never be able to handstand again.”

“Your career is at its end,” Terry continued tonally.

“Hey, why don’t you tell me about that lecture. You were really excited about it.”

“Oh! So, we learned about social classes…” Terry began, blushing shyly, blissfully pronouncing what was, to him, something far more relevant than the forces of intoxication.

(The End)

#monty python #terry jones #michael palin #I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW LONG THIS TRULY WAS #sorry it's taking up so much of your dash innocent bystander

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tawnygrisette · 5 years

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my exams are done! finally a little freedom...

i thought i would come back here and talk about all my woes but i think my woes from the last few weeks have been wrapped up in exams and finishing uni work so i gladly do not have anything to say on having a melancholy temperament. the only thing i’m thinking about at the moment is i’m always a little scared of summer because i never have much to do and this is when i get most depressed.. i will try to remedy that this summer

over the last couple of months, aside from doing work, i finally watched killing eve! my mum told me i needed to hurry before the new series comes out in the uk but i’m glad i did and i forgot how much i loved jodie comer! does anyone remember that short series she was in with michael palin where he was being haunted? that was really good.

i also have rediscovered my love for reading. i think being forced to read things i’m not interested in has really made me cherish my love for reading that i lost with mental illness so hopefully plenty of reading this summer!

also lots of making too. i’m going to make my chest of drawers look nice, like something i saw on pinterest. and lots of cross-stitch and embroidery and general creating

i’m happy!

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hippychick006 · 5 years

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5.04 - The End

Or the one where Jensen works his ass off, doing double time and Jared comes in and steals the episode. (paraphrasing Jensen’s words).

Even though I don’t like where Sam and Dean are at right now, and I don’t like the arc of Season 5 over all (that Sam somehow needs to get redemption), I’m just trying to switch off from that and enjoy the parts of episodes that don’t annoy me and there’s some very good scenes in this one and it’s a very good episode overall.

Also, contrary to what some people might think, I’m happy to have the brothers separated if the story is interesting enough, and this one is. And by separating the brothers on occasion, it’s nice to see what one of them is like without the other. In this case, Future!Dean is very like Sam was in Mystery Spot. He’s functioning, he’s even leading a group of survivors, but there’s no empathy to the way he goes about things, and he’s cold and clinical. Not our Dean at all and Jensen does a great job playing both versions of Dean in a single episode. We have the best scene towards the end of the episode with Sam as Lucifer, and now that I’ve re-watched this, I’m going to be completely biased and say Jared does the best take on Lucifer. 😊 We also have my favourite version of Castiel so it’s an episode I’m happy to have on my re-watch list. Not one of my overall faves, but it’s up there.

Episode opens on the Impala pulling up to a hotel. As Dean gets out and approaches the hotel, a religious man handing out pamphlets asks if he’s “taken time out to think about God’s plan for you?”

Dean: Too friggin’ much, pal!

Inside the hotel room, Dean’s on the phone to Cas. Cas tells him if he’s still set on the “insane task of killing the devil”, then he’s found out the demons have the colt. Dean says it doesn’t make sense for the demons to keep a gun around that kills them. Dean also thinks it’s funny that a messenger of god has to use a cell phone. “It’s, you know, like watching a Hell’s Angel ride a moped.”

Castiel: This isn’t funny, Dean. The voice says I’m almost out of minutes.

These lines are what made Castiel interesting to watch and why, in my view at least, Castiel is a character that had a time and a place that is long finished. I feel that about a lot of characters (except the leads of course). Keep the side characters fresh and interesting rather than stale and boring. Also, it means you don’t end up fast forwarding the scenes of a character you once enjoyed watching - e.g. Lucifer.

Dean isn’t convinced the gun is still around, but since they have no other options, he’s okay with getting on board. Castiel asks where Dean is and wants to come over immediately, but Dean has human stuff to do, like eat and sleep so asks Castiel to come in the morning.

Castiel: Yes, I’ll just… (Dean hangs up)… Wait here, then.

Possibly the most recognisable Castiel line across the series as well as the shot of him just standing at the side of the road… waiting. I loved this moment.

Dean’s sleeping but is woken up by his phone. He answers without looking, “Damn it, Cas, I need to sleep!” It’s not Cas though, it’s Sam. Dean looks at the clock and reads out the time - quarter past four - Sam says it’s important. We next see Dean pulling a beer out of his fridge, Sam is driving while they have their conversation. Sam’s brought Dean up to speed on the whole vessel situation, as Dean puts it: “Lucifer’s wearing you to the prom?”

Sam is surprised at Dean’s lack of alarm to this news. Dean says he’s just numb at this point. When Sam asks what they are going to do about it. Dean asks what Sam wants to do. Sam says he wants back in for starters. Dean tries to speak but Sam continues. “I mean it. I am sick of being a puppet to these sons of bitches. I’m gonna hunt him down, Dean”

Dean: Oh, so, we’re back to revenge then, are we? Yeah, ‘cause that worked out so well last time

Sam: Not revenge. Redemption

As mentioned earlier, I hate this arc. Redemption for what? Unknowingly breaking one of the 66 seals. Never has a character needed redemption less than Sam Winchester.

Dean asks if they’re going to be the dynamic duo again (I like that he thought they were a dynamic duo in the first place). Sam says he’s going to prove to Dean he can do this.

I start a Go Fund Me for Sam to speak to someone about his self esteem issues and having to continually prove himself. This is before we find out in later seasons he always felt he was unclean growing up.

Dean says it doesn’t matter what we do. That they are “the fire and the oil of the Armageddon.” and on that alone should just each pick a hemisphere and keep away from each other. Sam says it doesn’t have to be that way, they can fight it.

Dean: Yeah, you're right. We can. But not together. We're not stronger when we're together, Sam. I think we're weaker. Because whatever we have between us—love, family, whatever it is—they are always gonna use it against us. And you know that. Yeah, we're better off apart. We got a better chance of dodging Lucifer and Michael and this whole damn thing, if we just go our own ways.

Sam asks Dean not to do this, but Dean says bye and hangs up.

I like this whole next scene. Dean wakes up and the room is completely different than how he went to sleep. Everything is broken – including the alarm clock - and the room looks to have been abandoned for years, there’s no mattress or covers, the window is broken and when he looks out of it, the streets are apocalyptic. I like that route 666 is the last movie playing in the abandoned cinema next door.

Dean leaves the hotel and looks around. I think this is one of the biggest sets the show has went with to date. Lots of burned out cars, trash everywhere, graffiti. He comes across a little girl that’s on her own and goes to see if she needs help. He sees blood drip from her mouth and then she suddenly slashes him with some broken glass. Dean knocks her out with a single punch, which is strange to watch a kid getting hit like that (necessary obviously, but strange). He looks around and sees Croatoan written on a wall. Dean: Oh crap.

A horde of infected come around the corner and chase after Dean. Sadly for him, these are not the walking dead kind of zombies, they are 28 days later or world war z type so they can run. Dean runs but gets trapped at a fence. Just when things look bad, the army arrive and start shooting the infected people. Dean ducks down and retreats to take cover in an alley while the army kill the infected to the song Do you love me by The Contours. Great scene and well shot by director Steve Boyum, though I think if it really was a zombie apocalypse, they’d be more careful with preserving bullets.

Later at night, we see Dean break through the fence that was surrounding that part of the city. He sees a sign saying no entry. The sign is dated 2014 (which at the time of episode airing, it would have been 5 years in the future to Dean’s own timeline). He hotwires a handily parked car and tries to get a phone signal as he drives (bad driver alert), he also tries to get radio, but both fail. Dean: That’s never a good sign.

Zachariah arrives in the passenger seat with a quiet flap of wings. He startles Dean as he reads from a newspaper. None of the headlines are good and Palin is apparently President. Zachariah says he found Dean through human informants who have been given Dean’s image to look out for. Dean realises the “bible freak” outside the hotel grassed him up. He demands to be sent back, but Zachariah says he wants him to “marinate” for 3 days to see where his current course of action will take him. Dean asks what he means. Zachariah responds: “It means that your choices have consequences. This (Zachariah holds up the newspaper) is what happens to the world if you continue to say "no" to Michael” He vanishes, Dean is pissed and continues driving. We see fires burning through the window.

First person Dean visits is Bobby. The place has obviously not been lived in for a while. Bobby’s wheelchair is turned over. When Dean sets it upright, he sees bullet holes and dried blood on the back of the seat. He brushes cobwebs off the mantelpiece and opens a hidden compartment and I like these little details we get that they have things that only they know about in case of an emergency. He pulls out his dad’s journal from the hiding place and we see a picture of Bobby and Castiel with 3 other unknown men. They are at a sign saying Camp Chitaqua so I’m guessing that’s where Dean’s heading next.

Sure enough, we see him approach the camp at night. It’s got a fence all around it and men are patrolling. He sees baby and she doesn’t look good. He goes closer to investigate and says: Oh, no, baby, what did they do to you? As he’s taking in the damage to the interior, he hears a noise and doesn’t have time to react before he’s knocked out with a single punch. The camera pans up and we see it’s another Dean. Let’s call him future!Dean so we can differentiate between them.

What’s better than one Dean? Two Dean’s of course! And I love this next scene. Dean wakes up, one hand is handcuffed to a frame. He takes in his surroundings, including future!Dean cleaning a gun. Dean: What the hell?

Future!Dean: I should be asking that question, don't you think? (he points the gun at Dean). In fact, why don't you give me one good reason why I shouldn't gank you right here and now?

Dean: Because… you'd only be hurting yourself.

Dean tells future!Dean that he’s not a shapeshifter or demon or anything like that. Future!Dean answers: Yeah, I know. I did the drill while you were out. Silver, salt, holy water—nothing. But you know what was funny? Was that you had every hidden lockpick, box cutter, and switchblade that I carry. Now, you want to explain that? Oh, and the, uh, resemblance, while you're at it?

Dean explains that he’s from from 2009 and Zachariah brought him to 2014. Future!Dean asks where Zachariah is as he wants to talk to him. Dean says he doesn’t know, he just wants to get back to his own year. Future!Dean asks him to tell him something only he would know to confirm he’s him.

Dean thinks for a few seconds, then smiles: Rhonda Hurley. We were, uh, nineteen. She made us try on her panties. They were pink. And satiny. And you know what? We kind of liked it.

No Hellers, you need to educate yourself. This is not evidence for someone being bi.

Future!Dean thinks for a minute and then says “Touché.” He brings Dean up to speed on the Croatoan virus. Dean asks about Sam. Future!Dean freezes then answers: Heavyweight showdown in Detroit. From what I understand, Sam didn't make it.

Dean is surprised, “You weren't with him?” Future!Dean says no, he hasn’t talked to Sam in five years. Dean: “We never tried to find him?” Future!Dean says they had other people to worry about. He starts to leave and Dean asks if he’s just going to leave him here Future!Dean says yes, the last thing his people need to see is “a version of The Parent Trap”. Dean says fine, “But you don't have to cuff me, man. Oh, come on. You don't trust yourself?”

Future!Dean: No. Absolutely not.

Dean (after he’s left): Dick!

I’m a little disappointed in future!Dean in not remembering how resourceful he is. Dean manages to work a nail out of the floorboards which he uses to remove the handcuffs. He takes a look around the camp and comes across Chuck. Future!Dean’s obviously the camp leader as Chuck tells him they have an issue with supplies and asks Dean what they should do. Dean doesn’t really know and suggests that they should maybe share. A woman comes up and tries to attack him, but Dean grabs Chuck and uses him as a shield saying “Easy, lady!”. Chuck supplies her name; Risa. She accuses Dean of sleeping in “Jane’s” cabin the previous night. Our Dean has no clue if that’s true and asks Chuck, did I? Chuck nods. Risa flounces off and Dean complains that he’s “getting busted for stuff I haven't even done yet.” He asks if Cas is still here. Chuck laughs, “Yeah. I don't think Cas is going anywhere.”

This has to be one of my favourite Castiel’s. His cabin has a bead curtain and there’s hippy type music playing. He’s surrounded by several women. He’s saying stuff like: “So, in this way. We're each a fragment of total perception—just, uh, one compartment in that dragonfly eye of group mind. Now, the key to this total, shared perception—it's, um, it's surprisingly physical...” He spots Dean and says he needs to “confer with our fearless leader for a minute… why not go get washed up for the orgy?”

Dean: What are you, a hippie?

Castiel: I thought you'd gotten over trying to label me.

Dean says they need to talk. Castiel realises Dean is “not you. Not now you, anyway.” Dean confirms he’s from 2009 and Zachariah is to blame. Dean wants Castiel to “strap on your angel wings and fly me back to my page on the calendar?”

Castiel (giggling): I wish I could just, uh, strap on my wings, but I'm sorry, no dice.

Dean asks if Castiel is stoned and he says “generally, yeah.” Dean asks what happened to him. Castiel: Life

Future!Dean arrives back at the camp with some other men – I’m not sure if any of them are in the photo from earlier. He tosses beer to one of the men, raises a toast to him and they both drink. When the man walks away, Future!Dean pulls out his gun and points it at the back of the man’s head. Dean shouts a warning and the man turns around to look and future!Dean shoots him in the head. The others look more shocked that there’s two Dean’s than one of their own has been killed in cold blood.

Future!Dean points at Dean: I'm not gonna lie to you. Me and him—It's a pretty messed-up situation we got going. But believe me, when you need to know something, you will know it. Until then, we all have work to do.

Dean is shoved into the room he escaped from earlier (I’m guessing it’s Camp HQ). It shouldn’t be hot that Future!Dean is the one that shoves him, but it is. Dean can’t believe his future self shot a man in cold blood. Future!Dean says he knew the man was infected and that he “didn't see the point in troubling a good man with bad news.”

Dean: 'Troubling a good man'? You just blew him away in front of your own people. Don't you think that freaked them out a little bit?

Future!Dean responds that “plugging some Croat, it's called commonplace. Trading words with my friggin' clone—that might have freaked them out a little.” He goes on to say that 2014 is his time, so he’s in charge and Dean needs to do what he tells him to do. Dean apologises and says he’s not trying to mess up. Future!Dean says he knows and offers him a glass of whisky.

Dean asks what the mission was that Dean went on. Future!Dean pulls out the colt explaining that the demons have been moving it around for the last five years, but he’s got it and tonight he’s going to kill the devil.

Future!Dean’s having a meeting with his inner circle, which sadly for him, consists of Hippy!Castiel and Risa, who is still pissed from earlier. She’s not impressed they have something to kill Lucifer with, she asks if they have something to find Lucifer with. Future!Dean picks up on the saltiness asks if she’s okay.

Dean helpfully supplies the answer as to why she’s pissed: Oh, we were in, uh, Jane's cabin last night. And, apparently, we and…Risa have a connection.

Castiel laughs, but future!Dean isn’t amused as he tells Dean to shut up. Dean raises his hands.

Future!Dean says they know where Lucifer is, they caught one of his entourage earlier who knew the location. Risa is skeptical about trusting a demon. Future!Dean says to trust him, the demon wasn’t lying. Risa asks how he knows and Castiel answers, “Our fearless leader, I’m afraid, is all too well schooled in the art of getting to the truth.”

Dean: Torture? Oh, so, we're…we're torturing again... No, that's… that's good. Classy.

Castiel laughs and Future!Dean looks at him. Castiel: “What? I like past you.”

Future!Dean ignores him and shows on a map where Lucifer is. Castiel comments that it’s right in the middle of a hot zone. Future!Dean asks Castiel if he thinks his plan is reckless. Castiel, “if you don't like, uh, 'reckless', I could use 'insouciant', maybe.” I like hippy!Castiel

Despite his protests, Castiel’s on board, but he questions why 2009 Dean is coming along, “If something happens to him, you’re gone, right?” Future!Dean’s not interested in debate and says Dean’s coming. Castiel and Risa leave to prepare.

Dean asks why he’s going along. Future!Dean says because he wants him to see something, “I want you to see our brother.”

Dean: Sam? I thought he was dead.

Future!Dean: Sam didn't die in Detroit. He said 'yes'.

Dean: 'Yes'? Future!Dean doesn’t answer and Dean realises… Wait. You mean...

Future!Dean: That's right. The big 'yes'. To the devil. Lucifer's wearing him to the prom.

Dean: Why would he do that?

Future!Dean: Wish I knew. But now we don't have a choice. It's in him, and it's not getting out. And we've got to kill him, Dean. And you need to see it—the whole damn thing, how bad it gets—so you can do it different.

Dean asks him what he means. Future!Dean wants Dean to go back and say ‘yes’ to Michael. If he could go back, he’d say ‘yes’ in a heartbeat, but the angels aren’t listening any more. He begs Dean to say ‘yes’, then realises he won’t. “'Cause I didn't. Because that's just not us, is it?”

It’s night at the camp and they are preparing to leave. Chuck gives Dean some advice when he gets back to his own time: “You hoard toilet paper. You understand me? Hoard it. Hoard it like it's made of gold. 'Cause it is.”

Dean is riding shotgun with Castiel who is popping amphetamines. Dean asks what’s going on with “the drugs and the orgies and the love-guru crap?” Castiel says he’s not an angel anymore, he’s mortal. When the angels left, his mojo disappeared ((which may tie into what’s happening in 2019 if we ever get back to tying up the angel storyline). Cas thinks he’s all but useless as a human. He even broke his foot which laid him up for two months. Dean says welcome to the [human] club. Castiel: “Thanks. Except I used to belong to a much better club. And now I'm powerless. I'm hapless, I'm hopeless...”

It’s day when they walk through the hot zone. Future!Dean tells them their plan; to go in through a second floor window. Risa asks if he’s sure. Dean says to trust him.

Our Dean is not trusting a word that comes out of Future!Dean’s mouth. Dean: Hey, uh… me. Can I talk to you for a sec?” He asks what’s going on. Future!Dean acts innocent, but Dean calls him out, he says he knows their lying expressions because he’s seen them in the mirror. Future!Dean continues to deny he’s hiding anything.

Dean: Oh, really? Well, I don't seem to be the only member of your posse with some questions, so, uh, maybe I'll just take my doubts over to them.

Future!Dean: Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait.

He tells Dean to take a look around which Dean does. Future!Dean says the place should be crawling with croats. Dean realises they cleared a path for them which means that it’s a trap. Dean says if that’s the case, they can’t go through the front.

Future!Dean: Oh, we're not. They are. They're the decoys. You and me, we're going in through the back.

Dean looks in disbelief at his future self. “You mean you're gonna feed your friends into a meat grinder? Cas, too? You want to use their deaths as a diversion?” Future!Dean doesn’t answer and looks away. Dean: Oh, man, something is broken in you. You're making decisions that I would never make. I wouldn't sacrifice my friends.

Future!Dean: You're right. You wouldn't. It's one of the main reasons we're in this mess, actually.

Dean says these people trust Dean. Future!Dean answers: ��they trust me to kill the devil and to save the world and that's exactly what I'm gonna do.” Dean says he’s not going to let him. Future!Dean punches Dean and knocks him out.

When Dean wakes up, he hears gunfire inside the building. He runs around the back and arrives in time to see Future!Dean on the ground, under a white shoe. Future!Dean sees him, but then his neck is broken by the owner of the shoe. We see that the owner of the shoe is Sam (or Lucifer in Sam’s body). As an aside, I’m going to make a comment here, that I don’t understand why they don’t keep the clothes consistent between vessels. Wearing all white suit and loafers is definitely not Sam’s choice of clothing, which means it’s all Lucifer, so why isn’t Lucifer choosing this for all his vessels? Why just with Sam? I mean I know Jared looks smoking here, but that’s not the point and he certainly doesn’t need the suit to distinguish us from Sam as Jared does that job brilliantly on his own with a great performance in this scene (along with Jensen).

Anyway, Lucifer turns around and Jared’s face looks so innocent in this scene. He really does make a perfect Lucifer.

Lucifer: Oh… Hello, Dean… Aren’t you a surprise.

Lightning flashes and Dean has to avert his eyes, Lucifer appears behind him. “You've come a long way to see this, haven't you?”

Dean says to go ahead and kill him. Lucifer looks at him and then at the dead version of him. “Kill you? Don’t you think that would be a little…redundant? He sighs. “I'm sorry. It must be painful, speaking to me in this—shape. But it had to be your brother. It had to be.”

I gnash my teeth against later seasons and move on. Lucifer reaches for Dean’s shoulder, Dean moves away. Lucifer tells him he doesn’t have to be afraid of him. He asks what Dean thinks Lucifer is going to do. Dean: I don't know. Maybe deep-fry the planet?” Lucifer is examining a rose but turns back to face Dean. He asks why he would want to destroy something so stunning and beautiful. “The last perfect handiwork of God.” Lucifer – despite Dean’s protests of not wanting to hear it – tells the story of how he fell from grace. Dean says Lucifer is not fooling him, that he knows what he is.

Dean: You're the same thing, only bigger. The same brand of cockroach I've been squashing my whole life. An ugly, evil, belly-to-the-ground, supernatural piece of crap. The only difference between them and you is the size of your ego.

Lucifer smiles: “I like you, Dean. I get what the other angels see in you. Goodbye. We'll meet again soon.” He turns and walks away. Dean demands that Lucifer kill him now or he will find a way to kill Lucifer, and he won’t stop until he does.

Lucifer: I know you won't. I know you won't say yes to Michael, either. And I know you won't kill Sam. Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up...here. I win. So, I win.

Dean is crying, he says Lucifer’s wrong. Lucifer says he’ll see Dean in five years. More lightning and Lucifer disappears. (I think Lucifer has to be the most dramatic angel yet encountered, no mere flapping of the wings for him, thunder and lightning the whole way)

In sharp contrast, Zachariah has to be one of the quietest angels as we don’t hear him flap in. He zaps Dean back to his own time. Dean looks at Zachariah: Oh, well, if it isn't the ghost of Christmas screw you.

Zachariah says enough. That Dean saw what happened, he needs to say yes so they can strike before Lucifer gets to Sam. Dean looks like he’s considering it, he turns away and is silent then he takes a breath and says: Nah.

Zachariah: 'Nah'? You telling me you haven't learned your lesson?

Dean: Oh, I've learned a lesson, all right. Just not the one you wanted to teach.

Zachariah: Well, I'll just have to teach it again! Because I got you now, boy, and I'm never letting you—

With a flap of wings, Dean is gone.

Zachariah (looking around the empty hotel room): Son of a …

Seriously, if Zachariah isn’t your favourite angel, I do not know what is wrong with you.

We see Castiel and Dean at the side of the road where Castiel was earlier. Dean tells Castiel that it was nice timing. Castiel: “We had an appointment.” Dean puts his hand on Castiel’s shoulder and tells him to never change. He pulls out his phone and Castiel asks what he’s doing.

Dean: Something I should have done in the first place.

Dean’s leaning against the impala which is parked on a dirt track and watches as another car drives up. Sam gets out and they walk towards each other. Sam is wary, even more so when Dean pulls out Ruby’s knife, but he doesn’t back away, even though I think he’s expecting Dean to use it on him, and that just makes me want to cry at how badly damaged their relationship is. Dean turns the knife around and holds it handle first out to Sam and says, “If you're serious and you want back in...you should hang on to this. I'm sure you're rusty.”

Sam tentatively takes the knife, but he can’t look at Dean and he doesn’t say anything.

Dean: Look, man, I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm...whatever I need to be. But I was, uh—wrong.

Sam: What made you change your mind?

Dean: Long story. The point is...maybe we are each other's Achilles heel. Maybe they'll find a way to use us against each other, I don't know. I just know we're all we've got. More than that. We keep each other human.

Sam: Thank you. Really. Thank you. I won't let you down.

Dean: Oh, I know it. I mean, you are the second-best hunter on the planet.

Sam smiles and asks what they do now. Dean says they make their own future.

I wish I could say this is the start of the healing process, but no, we’ve still got episodes like Dark Side of the Moon to get through. And dammit, because Kripke is only giving us what we want, because I love the angst in dark side of the moon. Thankfully next episode we get a break from the myth arc with a MOTW, Fallen Idols

#supernatural #season 5 #rewatch #5.04 #the end #episode recap

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montypythonimagines · 6 years

Note

please please please write a imagine with michael and graham *-*

Okay! I'm so glad you wrote! :) This one is a little older (that means it was already written some time ago, only I did some correction and cut out unnecessary parts), so I hope you don't mind! Happy reading!

-----

December 31st. Only an hour and it will be New Year. Michael sighed and watched the fireworks explode in afar. He leaned on the window sill with left hand, his right hand holding a glass with orange juice.

He could be over there, partying with his friends, but he wanted to remain sober, without pain in his head from drinking too much alcohol the next day (and because he had a flu, but his morals were a tad more important to him).

However, Michael still felt sort of empty. Of course; he was alone at home, but maybe, just maybe, they will come. His mind was blank and he wasn't going to do anything about it.

Suddenly, he was circled from the back. The man stiffed, but when the person started to whisper in his ear, he immediately relaxed his senses. "It's only Graham, Michael."

"I knew you would come," Michael responded. He smiled, out of the blonde man's sight, and closing the window, he turned to his partner. "I knew, because you were afraid of me drinking all of your scotch, didn't you?"

"Oh, you know me so well," Graham laughed and drew the man even closer to his body. "But on the other hand, I know you well, too. You're not going to start drinking from day to day."

"I'm not going to start any habit that belongs to you. I tolerate you, because you're the best person I could have ever met," Michael sighed, but held onto Graham tightly.

"And I look refreshing doing that thing with that old smoke pipe of mine," the blonde responded, a small smile forming on his face. That could warm any frown and Michael was no exception.

"You read my diary!" he suddenly realised and playfully punched Graham in his shoulder.

"Indeed, but try not to, when it's laying open on our bed," laughed Graham and snuggled his sharp nose against Michael's cheek. "I have to know, if you didn't fall in love with any of our friends. I hear Terry talking about you all the time."

"Well, you shouldn't have kissed me the other day in the studio. Eric was constantly laughing at us, John was talking about not dating anyone and distracting yourself from work and... so on and so on. But Terry was the good guy, as always. Not forcing himself onto me, kind of shy about asking questions about me and you and always happy. I'm thinking right now; how come that we all didn't kill him for his ability to lead us yet?" Chuckling, Michael sat on their bed and watched Graham taking off his tie.

"You said it; he's the good guy and we couldn't have the group without Terry. We're all funny bastards and he's matching our personality with his occasional arguments with John. I... I actually don't think you've witnessed one of their squabbles about a sketch."

"Well, you know Terry; constantly trying to put his ideas in the first place."

Graham took off the upper part of his suit and sat on the bed next to Michael. "Jones is one bloody bastard sometimes. He sure is kind and understanding, but you, as my partner, I'm confessing that he propositioned me that one time. After we had done the sketch about the football match..."

"Oh, I remember! Me falling on Eric in an embrace and you had to kiss Jonesy! What a pity I couldn't catch it. I was outside with John, when you were filming it. He said he would do it instead of you, but I don't think he would be capable of doing such a thing as kissing other man."

"You're a smart one." Graham laid down on the bed, sighing. "I know why I chose you, darling."

"Don't call me darling, you know I don't fancy nicknames!" When Michael saw the blond smile, he realised that he was using mockery on him. "Want to get me angry, Chapman, eh?"

"I sure as well don't want to, Palin," responded Graham and pulled Michael down on him. They exchanged a few tender kisses, Michael never unlocking their fingers apart. After that, the brown-haired man let his head rest on the blonde's chest, listening to the sound of his heart.

"You're quite comfortable, but I have to put on sowt, what I can sleep in." Michael stood up, slipped into comfortable trousers and a white shirt and went back to bed only to be stopped by Gray.

"Do you want to go to bed right now? There's only a while remaining until New Year and you want to go and sleep through it?"

He laid down and pressed the bedsheets under his chin. It was December after all and it was cold as never before. "What if I said yes to all of your questions?"

"Then you know what's coming next." Graham said with a hint of warning in his voice.

"You always sound like that and the only thing I get is a-" Graham pulled Michael close and cut him off by placing his lips on Michael's delicate ones. He, of course, predicted the blond's actions, but still, it was a sensation he wanted to feel as long as possible. Graham kissed him long enough to roll on top of him and he started to unbutton his white shirt. However, he was cut by Michael, slightly pushing him backwards. "Graham, look at the clock; it's midnight."

The blond sat up and did as he was told, then turned back to the youngster and smiled. "Glad that I can spend it with you and not the other Pythons again."

"Is it always that bad? You know I always catch a cold, when cachexias like this are taking place."

"Just that bad? It is terrible! I try not to get arseholed that much, but John always pushes me. And Eric talks only about George Harrison and how he knows him well. It is more like... a pity party for everyone, only with me as a victim."

"Oh, come here, poor soul," replied Michael with a smile and brought Graham to his arms, tightly embracing the blond longer than he expected.

They parted, Graham rolled over to his side of the bed. "What was the hug supposed to mean? It felt like you were going to stand up any minute now."

"What if you're true and I'm leaving you for Terry, the Welshman that John doesn't like very much, but is friends with him anyway?"

"Then good luck with keeping up with his leadership."

"You're such a bad example of a friend, you know that?"

"You know me so well. Like I said; I know why I chose you, Mike." Graham leaned in for another kiss and when Michael responded with a smile, he knew that this man, his friend, is the best gift in his life he could ever ask for. "Happy New Year, Palin."

Turning to the blonde, Michael took a hold of Graham's hand. "Happy New Year, Chapman."

#monty python #imagine #michael x graham #request

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ravenpenandpaper · 6 years

Text

Reaching For The Stars - Chapter 4 - The Professor Pt 01

Want to Start reading? Prologue

Forgot the where you were? Previous Chapter

CHAPTER 4 - THE PROFESSOR PART 01 OMEGA NEBULA - SAHRA'BARIK SYSTEM - OMEGA STATION

"So let me get this straight," Jack started, "we're dealing with a plague that kills everything but humans and Vorcha, on a part of Omega that doesn't have life support, and you plan to bring us down there." The girl crossed her arms, raising an incredulous eyebrow at Sophia.

"That's the gist of it, yeah." The Commander said, leaning back on the hard couch, watching over crowd with seemingly lazy eyes. "That’s oone of the reasons why I insisted on you people getting a full set of armour, they have an inbuilt oxygen tank and life support, as well as medigel pockets, that is, if you all actually got your armour right. Did they?" She directed her question at the seemingly annoyed Turian, arching an eyebrow.

"With a lot of complaints, but yes we did." Garrus sighed sitting beside her, slouching on his seat, one hand resting on his glass of Dextro Spirits and the other on his lap; as laid back as she was pretending to be, though she knew he was as alert to their surroundings as she was.

"I didn't." Jack said, glaring at the glass of poisoned Red Thessia in front of her, probably debating the merits of downing the liquid anyway.

"We'll get yours later, girlie," she sighed, pulling the glasses toward her, running a simple diagnostic check. It was definitely tainted, and not in a good way. "First we've gotta find the Professor, and I'm gonna ask you to head back to the ship or keep in the Afterlife area, you've got zero armour and I'm not getting you killed five minutes after enlisting you on my crew."

"We usually wait fifteen minutes before getting anyone unintentionally killed," Garrus drawled next to her, hand coming to rest on her thigh, she felt the pressure of him squeezing her just above knee. Damn him.

She shrugged, agreeing with the statement and grabbing Garrus' hand under the table, under normal circumstances she would squeeze his hand back in reassurance, but she doubted he would feel it, what with their heavy armour in the way. "Okay, Jacob we're dealing with a high number of Blood Pack soldiers, so I'm gonna need your Incendiary ammo."

"You've got it," the Biotic nodded in deference, and for a fleeting moment she thought he was trying to butter her up. She thought who she could bring, as much as she wanted her Turian at her back-

"I know Omega best, Commander," Garrus said, almost as if he was reading her thoughts, "even with the plague, I'm sure I can lead you to the Professor in optimal time."

"Maybe," she wouldn't give in, not yet, she needed to think, needed to know more about the plague, dissemination methods, incubation time and if Garrus would just keel over and die, what with half of his face missing.

She sighed inwardly, giving in to temptation and squeezing his hand despite the fact he probably wouldn't feel it, the thrum of his subvocals reverberating through as she felt the pressure of his thumb against her hand.

"Okay, Jacob I want you and Garrus to scout the area, get me the intel we need, what exactly is the plague, what are the dissemination methods, I want facts even through the virus is probably airborne, I need to know if there's any Blue Suns left in the area so we can try and create havoc between them and the Blood Pack and keep attention off us. Meet me back here in half an hour, Jack you're with me." She ordered, nodding toward the door.

"I'm guessing I'm here with you for a reason?" Jack asked as soon as they stepped out of Purgatory, crossing her arms across her chest.

"You're going to stand on guard duty while I talk to my accountant; I've got a few things to take care of, a bit of money to get back, before I head anywhere on Cerberus' dime."

"You've got a ship for that, with a private cabin," Jack pointed out, matching her stride for stride while they walked, "and if you wanted guard duty why didn't you bring the Turian?"

Shepard just snorted, shaking her head, "don’t be naive, Jack. Also Garrus knows what I need to do and he knows I need to do it off ship, besides," she said with a smile, "he is on guard duty." They stepped into the market district, she wondered if Kenn was still in his salvage shop, where she was heading, "not to mention he's a damned good detective, he'll get me something about the locked in District, even if Taylor turns out to be a tool."

"Detective?" Jack arched an eyebrow as they passed by Harrot’s, the Elcor's monotone voice drifting toward them as he talked to another customer. "Seriously?"

"Yup, one of the best even," she grinned to herself, she had always been proud of her Turian. "He left C-Sec about two years ago, last I heard Palin was still cursing my name for that one."

To that Jack just snorted muttering about strange coping mechanisms. They were just around the corner from the Quarian's shop when they heard the unmistakable sound of a Vorcha's threatening hiss followed by gunshots and the popping of a heat sink hitting the ground.

Shepard quickened into a run, rounding the corner with her pistol raised, only to see the Vorcha's head explode in a shower of reddish gore on the floor, the Quarian with his shotgun cocked and ready.

"Kenn?" She asked a hint of confusion in her voice.

"Commander?" He asked back, the opaque faceplate meant she couldn't see him, not really, though she had the impression he was looking at her with raised eyebrows or what passed for eyebrows among the Quarians.

"We heard gunshots, are you okay?" She asked while scanning the immediate area, making a conscious decision to take her finger off the trigger.

"Yeah, just the usual, Vorcha trying to shake down some money, I've dealt with worse," the Quarian shrugged, it was such a fluid human gesture that it made Shepard grin at him, "so what can I do for you Commander?" He asked.

"Do you have any Anonymous terminals I could use?"

WIDOW NEBULA - THE CITADEL - FINANCIAL DISTRICT - 2 YEARS AGO

"Thanks, Barla Von, I'm leaving the hospital's contact with you, in case anything happens, but I don't think it will be necessary for at least 10 years," Sophia said to the Volus next to her, a stack of data pads next to them, all signed.

"It's no trouble at all, Commander," he responded with the characteristic breathless speech of the Vol-clan, "now if you'll excuse me," a breath, "I need to file these into customs and provide the hospital paperwork for your brother." They quickly exchanged pleasantries before the man departed with the data pads in hand, leaving the Commander alone.

She leaned back on the bench observing the Presidium lake, marvelling for a moment at the complexity of the Citadel, with all systems operating in near perfection, to the point she could almost forget she was on a space station.

She opened her Omni tool with a hum, sending a low frequency buzz all around her position, making the Turians in range flinch slightly, some turning to glare at her, and a deep rumbling grow to reach her ears.

"That was unnecessary Commander," came Garrus’ flanging voice directly in her earpiece and she snorted, not bothering to seek him out in the crowd. She has heard that Garrus was good, she just never thought he would try and investigate her out of everyone aboard.

"How much did you hear? And why were you attempting to follow me?" She asked when he didn't say anything further.

"I didn't know you had a brother, or dealings with Barla Von?" He asked back, his flanged voice somewhat sheepish, though not, she was surprised to hear, apologetic.

"And you'll continue to pretend you don't know, if you want to continue in my good graces," she said somewhat unpleasantly, "get your bony ass over here, Vakarian," she ordered, slouching even more in her seat, it had been such a good day too, but maybe she didn't have to call it off, not just yet. Garrus wanted something, everyone did.

"I never quite understood why you humans slouch so much," he said a moment later as he approached her, sitting carefully by her side; the proverbial walking on eggshells she was pleased to see.

"Why were you following me?" She fired at him, still slouching.Garrus noted it was the sort of presence he would overlook at first sight, but he could tell she was moments away from being angry with him, it took him by surprise the sudden realization that he didn’t want to be in her bad graces, with Executor Palin he could care less about the man’s moods but Shepard had been different from the beginning.

"You were acting odd when we got out of the ship, we- I was worried," he corrected with a sigh, a somewhat apologetic rumble to his subvocals.

Sophia wondered if he knew about her implants, if he knew she could somewhat understand his subvocals, could discern meaning behind them; not that it mattered, but a flustered and apologetic Garrus was a very cute Garrus, he reminded her of Blue.

"So you decided to follow me? Next time just ask." She shook her head, straightening on her seat.

"You wouldn't answer truthfully if I did," she laughed at the distinct reprimand in his voice, he was right after all, it wasn’t on purpose, but Sophia tended to keep her private life completely separate from both Commander Shepard and Natallia Bianchi. She looked up at him with a slight smile, her anger cooling down.

"I promise you I will from now on," she smiled at him, she had come to rely on Garrus on and off the battlefield, the jump from being teammates to friends now seemingly effortless, "and I don't back down on my promises."

"So?"

"So if you so much as breathe a word of what I'm about to tell you, I'll kill you," she shrugged, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. "I have a brother, Michael, he's been in a coma for the past six years."

Garrus just blinked at her, taking in her words at face value and mentally comparing his CO's mental state now to how she was acting directly after Feros, he understood better her ferocity and ruthlessness toward the Thorian now, taking the colonists minds hostage, keeping them under its thrall. It was a place she could do something, unlike in the chair of a hospital waiting for someone that would never wake up.

"Have you heard of Akuze?" She asked, turning to him and catching his eye, she continued when he nodded, "my brother was in that unit, we were trying to make ends meet by joining the military, he had joined six years previously, hoping for revenge against the Batarians." She shrugged, she remembered how angry they both were over the raid; it was mostly grief over losing their parents. Revenge, as it were, was to be hers.

"I heard about it, Tressher maw nest, right?"

"Yeah, they were a klick away from the nest, and that means..." she trailed off, avoiding his eyes.

"That means pretty much nothing when it comes to Tressher maws, Spirits," he breathed, laying a hand on hers, he had come to understand that humans found that particular gesture comforting.

"Yeah,” she stared at their hands, it was weird his three fingers to her five, “he was shipped back home with two missing limbs and he's been in a coma ever since, some days I think it would be kinder to kill him," she swallowed back the urge to tear up, squeezing his hand in hers instead, "Barla Von is... a new acquaintance, during this run for Saren we've been seeing a lot of credits, I'd hate to see the Alliance get a hold of it if I ever go MIA."

"You don't care much for your Alliance, do you?" He pointed out, looking down at their hands with some fascination, his hand covering all of hers along with her wrist.

"I don't. Kaidan and Ash may bleed Alliance blue, but I don't, not after Torfan, not after Akuze. To me they’re a means to an end." She smiled at him with a helpless shrug.

“Are you going to visit your brother now?”

“I was thinking about it, I’m overdue a visit.” Michael still hadn’t heard that she had been made a Spectre, or that she was hunting Saren, she thought he would’ve liked her crew and would even be kinder to them than she was.

“Can I go with you?”

“No, this is something I have to do alone.” She let go of his hand, getting up and stretching in the artificial sun. “Thanks for offering though.”

OMEGA NEBULA - SAHRA'BARIK SYSTEM - OMEGA STATION - NOW

"I will be more than glad to accommodate you, Commander, I just need to confirm you're really the real Sophia McCain Shepard, I hope you understand?" The Volus on the other side of the rudimentary screen asked.

"Of course, I expected nothing less, I'm sending you my new extranet address, if you'll be so kind to send me your business hours as well as free allotted time? I'm on a mission at the moment, it would take me around five galactic standard days to be there, I'll need to free my schedule somewhat." She leaned back on the boot, sending the coordinates to Barla Von.

"Of course, Commander, if that'll be all?" They exchanged pleasantries before he turned off the call, Sophia feeling as if part of the weight on her shoulders was finally off. Barla von had followed her instructions to the letter, Michael had been moved to Huerta Memorial after her death under the Council's indirect care, and her money had amounted to a nice fortune, all things considered.

She leaned back on the terminal's bench, glancing at the clock, they still had five minutes until their meeting with Garrus and Taylor, so she nodded to the woman slouching on the store and turned to the Quarian, both of them leaving after Sophia paid her dues.

"So what now Boss Lady?"

"Now you're going back to the ship, to put all your shit away, while Garrus, Taylor and I go and solve the mess the Doctor got himself in." Sophia just nodded back in the direction they had come from, ignoring Jack's not-so-muttered curses.

If Jack wanted to face Krogan, Vorcha and whatever shit the Blue Suns could come up with, she would need to get some incendiary ammo in her arsenal. She passed by Harrot's on her way to the Gozu district, making a mental note to stop by and see if he had any model ships for her collection. As she approached entrance, she could clearly hear the human and Turian having a friendly 'discussion' about letting the woman enter the quarantine zone.

She sent a message to Garrus' Omnitool telling him to meet with her at the entrance before walking up to the Human and the Turian, no one else was paying attention to them, so she figured it was a usual occurrence.

"Get lost, lady," the Turian sneered, his subvocals telling as he neared the end of his patience, Shepard wondered how long the woman had been bothering him.

"My stuff's down there, you asshole!" The human, on the other hand, was pretty easy to read, desperate, angry, smelling of Ozone - something Shepard always associated with Red Sand. "Someone's gonna take everything!"

"The plague has the whole zone under quarantined! Nobody gets in!" The growl was definitely threatening this time.

"I'm human you ass! Humans don't get the plague!" The woman snarled right back, ignoring the warning signs.

"Last I heard humans still died from a bullet to the head or a lack of oxygen," Shepard interjected, blinking at the girl. "Aria still has the area under lockdown?" She asked the Turian.

"Yes, she hired us to make sure no one goes in or comes out. Plague's bad for business," the red plated Turian said, glaring at the human girl in front of him.

"So you're saying the slums are completely sealed off?" She frowned, hoping they still had enough oxygen there, it had been an hour since she had talked to Aria T'Loak, so three hours in total, depending on how many people were still alive down there they would have enough oxygen not to choke, or they could be on their deathbeds already.

"Finally, a human that can hear." If the red plated Turian could roll his eyes he definitely would, but his tone was definitely sneering. "Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying."

“You can’t keep me out, I’m gonna lose all my stuff!” The woman snapped, both Shepard and the Turian ignored her, she wasn't going anywhere and they both knew it.

"There’s a Salarian named Mordin Solus in the slums. I gotta find him." She said, eyeing the Turian, if he proved difficult she could definitely take him down, thought she would rather not.

"The crazy Salarian? Yeah he's down there, thinks he can cure the plague, the Blue Suns weren’t too happy when he moved in." The man shrugged, an up and down and forward of his shoulders that made her stifle a laugh. “I can’t let you in, our orders are to wait until either the plague or the Blue Suns kill everyone, then go in and clean up.”

“Listen, you’re stuck in here until this is over, it could take weeks,” she frowned, stepping up to the Turian, “what you really need is to get this problem solved right now, that’s what I do. Let me in and I’ll get this district straightened out.”

“You think you can fix this?” He narrowed his eyes, eyeing her guns, “ah, why not? The quarantine is to keep the infected in anyway, I’ll radio ahead and tell them you’re going in.”

"You bastard, you're letting her in?" The woman growled, glaring at both of them.

"You don't have a missile launcher, lady, get lost." The Turian dismissed the girl with a glare, turning to Shepard with something akin to an eye roll. "If you go down there I won't be responsible if you get shot."

"I doubt there's anyone down there to shoot me as it is," she shrugged, hearing footsteps heading in her direction before she felt a slight pressure on her back, there was only two people she let do that, and one of them was with the Alliance, the other one was Garrus.

"Suit yourself, Blue Suns and the Vorcha were tearing the place apart on the last update I got." The red platted Turian gave that odd shrug again, Sophia turning back to her crew with raised eyebrows.

"A quarantine zone for a plague that kills Turians," Garrus levelled her with a deadpan look even as they moved away from the Lieutenant guarding the door, she was sure he was an LT, “why don't we ever go anywhere nice?" She bit her lip to keep from smiling at the virtually pouting man in front of her.

"Next time you want a date, make the arrangements yourself Vakarian." She smirked at him before addressing the real issue, "seriously though, how are you to head down there?"

"It's your call, Shepard, but if you need me, I'm not gonna let a cough keep me away." He crossed his arms over his chest, levelling a look at her. She had no idea what it meant, he had never looked at her like that before. "Besides, out of the three of us I know Omega best."

"If not a cough how about your half-shredded face?" she questioned, staring him down.

"Chackwas cleared me up for the ground team, I'm here if you need me," the Turian said, standing at attention.

"Okay,” she drawled, looking between the two men, “so what have you found?" She agreed with a nod, trading a quick look with Garrus, he would be on her ground team, of course he would. Damn him, damn her, damn both of them.

"Virus is airborne as you suspected, Commander," Jacob started, his new dark armour with red highlights turning him into a handsome man, "incubation depends on the species, with Batarians and Quarians being the ones hit the hardest, with a period of seventy-two hours between infection and symptoms, and another of ninety-six hours until they're dead."

"Turians and Krogan are a bit hardier," Garrus said, "symptoms show up earlier, within the hour, but it still takes eleven days for the plague to take us down." He levelled her with the same unreadable look, she was starting to think of it as his 'don't argue with me' look.

"I'm not planning on staying there long enough for it to kill us," Sophia said, heading for the entrance to the Gozu district when Garrus stopped, looking at the guard, Shepard besides him.

The two Turians stopped in front of each other, trading looks, Garrus’ blue eyes on the other Turian's yellow, there were no growls of dominance, no subvocals in place, only two men trying to stare each other down. Out of everything she had expected on Omega, seeing Garrus posturing for another Turian had never been on her list.

"It's your funeral," the guard finally said with a sigh.

"We'll see," Garrus nodded to the Lt. before signalling the shuttle going down to Gozu and taking the driver's seat, Shepard and Jacob getting in behind him.

"Not a word about my driving, Shepard." The Turian teased, a slight flickering of his mandible, a glance thrown her way.

Sophia made a note to talk to him later about his behaviour, for now she'd play along. "Can't be any worse than Wrex or Kaidan driving the Mako," she shrugged, with a slight tilt to the head, “at least you never launched us off a cliff.”

"Spirits I'm never getting in a shuttle or a car with Alenko on the wheels again." The Turian chirped a laugh, "for someone who blends in so easily, you'd never expect him to be an Adrenaline junkie."

"Commander?" Taylor asked, confused, looking between both friends.

"Back during the hunt for Saren I always let the boys take the wheel," she said, "I don't like driving military vehicles, and we soon found out Alenko is an adrenaline junkie with a heavy foot." She explained, throwing a smile his way.

"Admit it, you liked us taking the wheel," Garrus snorted, glancing at her again, catching her eyes on him.

"Ha, you wish! I never let him step in the driver’s seat after his stunt on Ilos,” she smiled, sitting back and looking at the brown horizon and the cool light of the star in the distance. “I wonder where he is now, Tim said his and Ash’s files were sealed.”

“They are,” Taylor interrupted her musings, drawing a curious glance from the Commander, “we couldn’t reach any of them, well T’Soni was available, but given her ties with the Shadow Broker, The Illusive Man was unwilling to compromise.”

“What ties?” Shepard asked, frowning.

“You’d have to ask The Illusive Man or Miranda, the only thing I know is that a majority of your old crew members were unavailable or unreachable.” He looked pointedly at Garrus.

“Yeah, I gathered, but that just means I’ll need to train you guys from the ground up.” She sighed, putting up her breather helmet as their car came to a stop and motioning for her boys to do the same before they exposed themselves to the district’s tainted air, “I have my work cut out for me, that’s for sure.”

“We’re already trained, Commander, Miranda and I-“

“Have no idea what a mission like this entails, you’re treating it as a Suicide mission while I have absolutely no intention of dying again, the first time was bad enough.” She sighed, raising her hand to stop further questions, “we’ll talk about this later, first let’s see what trouble the Professor got himself into.”

NEXT CHAPTER

#shakarian #sophia shepard #Garrus Vakarian #fanfic

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gatthow · 3 years

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Are you aware of Qanon now?

January 9, 2021.

Photo: AP.

Well, what can I say about the storming of the Capitol building in DC on Wednesday?

Lots. But i won’t (Hooray! I hear you cheer), I’ll keep it brief and just focus on Qanon’s involvement.

Ashli Babbitt - the Air force veteran who was shot and killed in the Capitol building - wore Qanon shirts, and tweeted Qanon accounts and slogans in the previous months.

Her final re-tweets included those from Qanon accounts, Jack Posobiec, Sidney Powell and Michael Flynn, as well as President Trump, and Donald Trump junior.

If you’re not aware who Jack Posobiec, Sidney Powell and Michael Flynn are, please read my previous post: Conspiracy theorist-in-chief.

Ashli Babbitt’s last reply tweet on January 6th said this: “Nothing will stop us....they can try and try and try but the storm is here and it is descending upon DC in less than 24 hours....dark to light!”

“The Storm is coming” is a Qanon phrase, as is “Dark to light”.

Maybe she’s found the light now.

But in true Qanon fashion, some of the Qanon cult members are already suggesting she’s not actually dead.

Trump “election fraud” case lawyer Lin Wood (Sidney Powell’s mate) promoted this conspiracy theory via his (now permanently suspended) Twitter account.

He was also pushing the stories regarding the Capitol not actually being stormed by Trump/MAGA/Qanon/Proud boy/neo-nazi folk, but by antifa.

Last week he claimed that VP Pence would “face execution by firing squad" for allowing the Democrats to "steal" the 2020 presidential election.

He also claimed in a Twitter post on New Year's Day that "Globalists like George Soros & the Elitists like Bill Gates were involved" in "attempting to steal the 2020 election for [Joe] Biden."

Antifa being the culprits who stormed the Capitol building is not however just the anti-reality horse shit that only cooked-brain freaks like Lin Wood try to feed out to their audience.

ON THE VERY DAY THE CAPITOL BUILDING WAS STORMED, MATT GAETZ, Florida Republican representative - UPON RETURN TO THE HOUSE FLOOR - CLAIMED THAT:

"some of the people who breached the Capitol today were not Trump supporters, they were masquerading as Trump supporters and in fact were members of the violent terrorist group antifa."

Others ran with the same story, pushed by a *NOW CORRECTED* Washington Times article claiming that “obscure facial recognition company XRVision had proof that some of the rioters were in fact left-wing antifa agitators, including one “Stalinist sympathizer.”

The article now states: “The Washington Times erroneously reported late Wednesday that facial recognition technology backed up that speculation and identified two Antifa members. In fact, XRVision has not identified any members of that far-left movement as being part of the attack.”

But the false information was out, and was now being utilised and repeated by other members of Congress - such as Dr Paul Gosar - and Mo Brooks.

Former Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin ran with it on Fox News whilst being interviewed by Martha MacCallum.

“We don’t know who all were the instigators in these horrible things that happened today, I think a lot of it is the antifa folks,” she claimed, citing “pictures” sent to her.

The Fox news prime-time line-up - Hannity, Dobbs, Ingraham and Carlson all ran with it, or interveiwed guests that suggested antifa were involved without interrogating their claims.

Fox News senior political analyst Brit Hume took to Twitter on Wednesday evening to tell his followers to “not be surprised if we learn in the days ahead that the Trump rioters were infiltrated by leftist extremists.”

Sounds crazy hey, thank dog no one here in Australia is that insane!

Well, that is unless of course you exclude at least two members of our own Federal government just for starters.

George Christensen, LNP member for Dawson, and Craig Kelly, Liberal Party member for Hughes.

Now you may note in the above linked article about Christensen and Kelly, that George refers to “.. some guy with horns..”

Horn guy, who featured in many photos from inside the Capitol building, was considered by many who had never seen him before (or seen anyone that ridiculous involved in an insurrection before) to be a left wing plant based on his cosplay/looks alone.

'Where's Pence, show yourself!' horn guy yells to his fellow stormers and the few cowering members of the press still in the Capitol.

Photo: Steven Nelson, NY Post.

But Horn guy - Jake Angeli - is aka the Qanon Shaman.

He’s been big in the Qanon world and has been at MAGA events and rallies for some time.

He’s done interviews.

In this interview just after the election in November with the right-wing news outlet America’s voice, Jake Angeli talks of the “Q drops”, and it’s a good one to watch if you want to understand more of what Qanon is about because he basically lists every single conspiracy theory related to Qanon and “election fraud” that Trump’s Qanon lawyers and Trump himself have been spreading for months and months.

At the end of the piece Angeli also talks of how he and the patriots will “..pin them (them being all of the folk conspiring against Trump) to the ground with the legal system, like we’re supposed to, as opposed to ah, you know mob justice, like the BLM riots..”..................................................................................

Today Twitter has suspended/deleted a number of accounts, including President Trump’s, Sidney Powell’s, Michael Flynn’s, and many others including Qanon based accounts and also that of the Trump campaign, @TeamTrump.

"We’ve been clear that we will take strong enforcement action on behavior that has the potential to lead to offline harm, and given the renewed potential for violence surrounding this type of behavior in the coming days, we will permanently suspend accounts that are solely dedicated to sharing QAnon content."

Regarding President Trump’s account, Twitter described their reasons to suspend as follows in their Twitter company blog:

“After close review of recent Tweets from the @realDonaldTrump account and the context around them — specifically how they are being received and interpreted on and off Twitter — we have permanently suspended the account due to the risk of further incitement of violence.”

Down at the bottom of the blog statement, was this paragraph:

“Plans for future armed protests have already begun proliferating on and off-Twitter, including a proposed secondary attack on the US Capitol and state capitol buildings on January 17, 2021.”

Trump and Qanon may be leaving Twitter, but they’re definitely not going away anytime soon.

UPDATE 10/01/2021: Horn guy - aka Qanon Shaman aka Jake Angeli aka Jacob Anthony Chansley, is now in custody.

“I trust in God and I know that I didn’t do anything wrong,” he said. “And even if I was arrested, wasn’t Gandhi arrested a lot? Wasn’t Martin Luther King Jr. arrested a lot? Wasn’t Jesus arrested? I put my trust in God, not the government.”

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/jacob-chansely-horn-qanon-capitol-riot/2021/01/09/5d3c2c96-52b9-11eb-bda4-615aaefd0555_story.html?utm_source=twitter&utm_campaign=wp_main&utm_medium=social

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-55606044

UPDATE 12/01/2021: Horn guy - aka Qanon Shaman aka Jake Angeli aka Jacob Anthony Chansley, now in custody, hasn't eaten since he was taken into custody because his detention facility hasn't provided an "organic" diet, according to his mother.

‘Outside the court, Martha Chansley, the suspect's mother, explained to reporters that "he gets very sick if he doesn't eat organic food."’

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/jake-angeli-shirtless-horned-rioter-refuses-to-eat-in-custody-due-to-organic-diet/ar-BB1cFml4

Oh, and Twitter has said it has suspended more than 70,000 accounts since Friday.

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2021/jan/12/twitter-suspends-70000-accounts-sharing-qanon-content?utm_term=Autofeed&CMP=soc_568&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Twitter#Echobox=1610438070

JFC.

FURTHER UPDATE 12/01/2021: Judge orders preferred diet for Horn guy.

The public defender told Judge Deborah Fine in court Monday that Chansley was on an extremely restrictive diet, perhaps for religious reasons, and had not eaten since he was taken into custody.

Judge Fine responded that information was “deeply concerning” and ordered Chansley’s public defender to work with the U.S. Marshal's Office on the dietary concerns.

"We will abide by the judge's order," David Gonzales, U.S. Marshal for the District of Arizona, told ABC15 Monday evening. Gonzales added that Chansley will be provided food in line with a shaman's strict organic diet.

https://www.abc15.com/news/state/horned-d-c-protester-makes-first-court-appearance-refuses-to-eat-in-detention

Twitter: @AtthowGlen

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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The Simpsons Season 32 Episode 2 Review: I, Carumbus

https://ift.tt/2GEvudU

This The Simpsons review contains spoilers.

The Simpsons Season 32 Episode 2

In order to stay relevant in the present, The Simpsons’ season 32, episode 2, moves back to the past. History has a way of repeating on itself, as does The Simpsons, and “I, Carumbus” is a cautionary tale, twice told, if you watch it again on demand. Just like the often-misinterpreted “Revelations” of The Bible was actually about Emperor Nero, the tale of Obesius and his son Bartigula, is a warning shrouded in the mystery of parable. Just like that guy Jesus used to do before his people started bad-mouthing the Saturnalia. An empire shall fall because of its own greed and ambition, Lisa explains.

It sometimes feels like The Simpsons have lived longer than the Roman Empire, and people are consistently calling for its fall. Even The Simpsons writers mock their longevity, and the god they sacrifice to, Fox Network, which grants them longer life. While Homer doesn’t quite jump the rhinoceros in this episode, many watching on their home Coliseums want to see him throw himself on his knife. That’s probably a little too much effort, so the series lets Michael Palin as the Springfield’s Museum Curator twist the dagger of ambition into the proceedings.

Before the period piece part of the episode begins, Marge wants to know if it would kill Homer to show a little ambition in his life. Normally, Marge is his biggest enabler and while she’s often had reason to push him up innumerable hills, she knows Homer is more apt to fall of the nearest cliff. But as Lady Majora, her Roman era namesake, she gets to be the Machiavellian mama MacBeth in this I, Claudius arc.

It all begins on the farm where Obeseus does the work of several farm animals, plowing fields. His father replaces Obeseus both as an agricultural implement and emotionally when he trades him into slavery for a real ox. The Simpsons spends a little time doing a parody of Spartacus, with Homer plowing the arena with the dead bodies of his gladiator opponents. They go a step further when the daughter of one of the Doctores Retiarii who trains the gladiators, played by Joe Mantegna’s Fat Tony persona, get pregnant by one of the fighters. All the gladiators rise in unison to proclaim “I had Sexicus” in a parody of the famous “I am Spartacus” scene. It is a rousing moment with a double entendre that misses its mark by about a discus throw.

It is telling, funny and completely in character for Obeseus to betray himself by thinking he was betrayed by his friends and Majora. It does seem, for a moment, the other gladiators might be bragging about having a go with the vestal not-so-virgin. By missing the point that his friends were trying to protect him, Homer’s entire persona, everything we know, love and forgive about him, is defined. He doesn’t screw his friends for this reason though. That’s entirely due to the influence of his new freedom to be enslaved by the ambitious daughter of a Roman businessman. It also helps that both Homer and Obesius’ legends are cast in the self-referential tales and prowess of Mr. Plow.

It sounds like a happy ending, but X years and II children later, Obesius finds himself in the whizz biz, fermenting human urine into ammonia. Here we get another history lesson from Springfield Elementary, which oddly enough is even more TMI than what we saw on HBO’s Rome. This is the same occupation which fortified the coffers of a young Marcus Tullius Cicero, who would later find his hands nailed to the Senate doors. We can only hope Obesius washed his as he follows his wife’s bidding to put himself up for a seat on the floor.

Even Senator Horse, a reference to a real-life satirical appointment made by Emperor Caligula, knows there are benches. The buildup and denial follow familiar Simpsons plot movement, and while the jokes land, and the story moves forward, the actual laughs should have come at a faster rate. This is fertile ground for the fast-pace verbal sparring the cast does so well, and it feels like it is thrown away too quickly.

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A lot happens in the rising action. Obesius takes credit for his slaves’ innovations. He falls deeper into the Seduction of Mimi morass by stiffing his friends for upward motion. But his ultimate power move is helping the Emperor slip backwards on a knife so his son can rule. This is made more curious by the fact that the father, portrayed by Springfield’s Mayor Quimby, is much much younger than his son, played by Mr. Burns, who may very well have known actual Romans he’s so old. The actual punchline, “Et tu, pee guy?,” is clever but feels a bit stale because it’s such a Simpsons branded moment. The smaller detail of seeing El Bartius graffiti all over the someday-ruins is equally historic a gag, but works better.

It turns out Lady Majora’s big, stabby, go-getter husband is really not that different than his modern American counterpart. He’d much rather do a half-assed job, as is his right as an irate worker and disgruntled husband, than climb a sociopolitical ladder which may not hold his weight. Livia Drusilla, who Marge’s alter ego is based on, was indeed a poisoner, and was declared a god generations before her great, great, grandson Caligula declared himself one in a tyranny which begs contemporary comparison. Bartigula’s reign has the most relevant social commentary. He is a man-boy who rules by tantrum with an agenda forged on personal whim. Obeseus’ ignored warnings are as timely as the latest false news claim.

Those who don’t learn from history are destined to repeat it. Obeseus realizes he failed Rome, was a less than perfect father, was horrible to his friends and gives slave-owners a bad name. His ancient character has the most growth during the episode, but you wonder, how much he retains. When we flash to the present, the argument about attending any kind of corporate seminar is still unresolved, and the only lesson we learn comes from the curator himself. When will humanity ever learn to stop letting stupid people into museums? All historical points are missed, the same patterns are repeated, and The Simpsons have been at this for 32 seasons.

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“Wrapping it up and soon,” sayeth the gods at the end. They are correct in that the world would be better off under the kind of multi-god system the Romans had. So they may also be portending the twilight of The Simpsons. There are always rumors going around declaring each season its last, but this may be a decree from on high. “When in Rome you do like the Romans do,” the closing credits sing. The Roman Empire fell. Obesius probably laughed. “I, Carumbus” is a worthy entry in the archive of historic retellings for The Simpsons. It doesn’t quite hit classic status, though, in spite of any implied Fat Tony intimidation.

It is one of the many episodes which will get funnier on repeated viewings. It won’t produce more laughs, but the references will seem more clever. There is a little too much respect and consideration for history’s follies than the majority of episodes like this. The Simpsons needs to find a new way to be sloppy and peripherally damaging. They need to fray the fabric of society again, like something you’d find in Santa’s Little Helper’s mouth. The soft Christian ribbing is heartening. Subtle subversion is fun, but there seems like there were missed opportunities for blatant evisceration. Homer couldn’t even see the entrails.

The post The Simpsons Season 32 Episode 2 Review: I, Carumbus appeared first on Den of Geek.

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samdukewieland · 4 years

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Stuck Inside Media Diary Week 7

I realized that I didn’t include my watching of the Parks And Rec special thing that was on. By no means was it perfect, though I imagine that it was the best case scenario for something like that (in terms of being an original story, as opposed to a table/script read that the Community cast put together that’s coming out...ur, at some point). Is it necessary as a piece of media? It raised a lot of money for Feeding America and did its best in trying to shine some optimism in really unsettling times. Kinda nice.

Sunday, May 3

Filmworker, Zierra 2017 [as of now this is available on Netflix]

Interesting take on a documentary about, but not about Stanley Kubrick. It would be unusual for any Kubrick dude to not know or have some kind of inkling that he was a complicated figure (an asshole), especially when it came to making movies, so the point of the movie isn’t really to inform that aspect of of it (though it probably confirmed suspicions, should you have any). It’s more a case example of how toxic relationships like these work and how dangerous it is to deify people, especially your own heroes. Of course, should any of us be given the opportunity to work or be near someone we look up to, how’re do we know what our breaking point is for them before we reach it (unfortunately for Leon Vitali, it wasn’t until Kubrick passed away that he could see just how far deep he was). This is also a pretty good example of how companies and corporations will treat you like garbage just to advance their credibility and how sometimes it feels like a documentary’ll show you that but not really do anything change that (as far as I know).

Mad Men, [season 4 premier] “Public Relations”, “Christmas Comes But Once A Year”, “The Good News”, “The Rejected”

So I definitely haven’t watched Season 4 as a more grown person than I was back in high school when this first aired. So I’ve known Don’s life is a nightmare, but never really processed why or thought about why; I was not the most keen observer (probably because I was thinking about not turning in homework). Now with all that said, jeeeeeeez Don’s life is a super depressing nightmare oooof. Now Season 4 feels like it needs some more runway to catch up with itself and its momentum it revved up to at the end of season 3, so the first couple of weeks feel a little wobbly (though wobbly Mad Men is leagues better than some other dramas at their best). However, the Don and Lane friendship does gets established in this slew of episodes, two men who couldn’t be more different, but can’t help but be bonded by a miserable moment in time.

Three Busy Debras, “Barbra”

Holy shit this episode is so genius. So many shades of Stangers With Candy in this one.

Rick And Morty, “Never Ricking Morty”

Believe me, I don’t want you to know that I watched this either.

The Last Dance, Parts 5 & 6

These were probably my favorite parts of the doc so far, probably because its the most enjoyable stuff you can watch (hold for destroying any chance Charles Barkley had at winning a championship). Jordan as a brand, both figuratively and literally-the concept of celebrity through a Michael Jordan lens; I could lap that up for hours. It makes me mad that there’s only two hours left (now), because there’s clearly so much more that could be covered, but will leave unturned (more on this next week).

Monty Python: Almost The Truth (Lawyers Cut), “The Not-So-Interesting Beginnings”

Good example of the subjects not getting in the way of the subject matter. Probably the thing that leaves to be desired is seeing the remaining members (this was made in 2009, so Chapman was the only deceased member at the time) together and interacting with one another. You get a little bit of Michael Palin and Terry Jones together, but not in an interviewed capacity, which faintly scratches that itch. If I had to guess, I’d say that they all don’t love being together without Palin there as a buffer, just based on what I know about Monty Python. Lotta strong and brilliantly smart personalities with no real acknowledgement on who’s the best, because they all think they’re the best (maybe not Palin or Jones). Also, this is a surprisingly self-aware interview with Idle, which really shattered any preconceived notions I have for him-might have to do some self-evaluation.

Monday, May 4

Escape From New York, Carpenter 1981 [as of now this is available on Prime]

I’ve definitely lied to people about having seen all of Escape From New York before. Why? Because it made me appear better than I actually was. It and Die Hard With A Vengeance (another great New York movie, though for the record, I’ve still never seen all of it) seemed to be two movies that I kept catching just enough glimpses of throughout the years without having actually seeing all of it. For instance, I had no idea that Harry Dean Stanton was in Escape From New York, which instantly elevates movies for guys like me from being “pretty good li’l B movie” to “this is actually advanced and high art” (this isn’t always the case on the HDS matrix, but it is consistent, see Repo Man).

Mad Men, “The Chrysanthemum And The Sword”, “Waldorf Stories”

Real fool me once with your racism shame on you you, Roger Sterling. Fool me twice, shame on me (re: “The Chrysanthemum And The Sword”). “Waldorf Stories” is really the first episode put in gear this season, maybe it’s because we’re getting Ken Cosgrove back (hell yeh) or maybe it just feels that way because “The Suitcase” is next and I know it; it’s an incredible build-up, what with hindsight and all that.

Tuesday, May 5

Mel Brooks: Unwrapped, Yentob 2018 [as of now this is available on HBO]

Listen, this isn’t very good. I think some of it has to do with Brooks, who kind of gets in the way of it all, which is a very hard thing to admit. It’s got some moments, when it actually tells you something about Mel Brooks, but for the most part its just a British guy not taking command of his own documentary and subject and that’s just like barely interesting. Mel Brooks is still a king, though.

Mad Men, “The Suitcase”

This is regarded as the best episode of Mad Men and one of the best episodes of television in the 2010s. I don’t know how it stands up by itself, like I don’t know if it resonates well with someone who’s never watched Mad Men outside of the vacuum. Usually going into one of these episodes that almost transcends its own show I tend to be weary, be it brand new (like when I watched “Pine Barrens” for the first time when I watched The Sopranos) or on a re-watch like this. I trick myself into thinking “well I bet its not that good” because you’re told to the contrarian take is the most interesting take, but I didn’t with this one. I remember the first time I watched it and I don’t think I’ve gone back and watched it in years, so I had forgotten almost all of the context around the episode, except for the argument. This episode is really special, hands down. Don’t love the ghost, but pobody’s nerfect. This podcast talks about it way better than I ever could, listen to that instead of reading this (I just want yer clicks, suckers!)

Wednesday, May 6

Heartburn, Nichols 1986 [as of now this is available on Prime]

I say this as someone who doesn’t travel in Mike Nichols circles (though this is the fourth movie of his that I’ve watched during all this, so maybe I do and I just don’t know it), but why isn’t this trotted out more as one of his best movies? My Nora Ephron bias might be showing a lot here, someone I didn’t really appreciate until I watched Everything Is Copy about a year ago (it’s an HBO doc-meaning it’s available on that platform if you want nice documentary to watch sometime), but this movie’s great! And it has two of the most famous movie stars to ever live as the two lead roles and Jeff Daniels as a bit player. And yet its legacy only feels relevant to those who seek out Mike Nichols or Nora Ephron movies, which feels odd, considering one half of that creative team is best known for The Graduate and the other for When Harry Met Sally (or Sleepless In Seattle or You’ve Got Mail).

Thursday, May 7

Kingdom Of Heaven (Director’s Cut), Scott 2005

I’ll be honest, I wanted to watch Return Of The King, but that just wasn’t an option. This movie’s technically good, like more Ridley Scott movies are than they aren’t, but really lacks any kind of new message besides “Religion’s pretty fucked up how it made people do that, huh?” Which to a lot of people is super appealing, but when you make a movie that only exists because of Lord Of The Rings’ success, you’d hope for something more (though isn’t this always the case with these kinds of movies?) Like make the movie about David Thewlis or Jeremy Irons. Obviously the battle/fight sequences are really cool to watch and look at, and that’s not an at all terrible critique to give it either. It’s fine that there’s dumb-guy Lord Of The Rings (which is semi-controversial considering a lot of the book nerds already consider Lord Of The Rings [movie] is dumb-guy Lord Of The Rings).

Mad Men, “The Summer Man”

Ah yes, the Don journals and goes swimming episode. It’s good considering it has to follow up “The Suitcase.” I can’t think of any from this particular episode, but (and I think it checks out, cultural timeline wise too) this is the season where it almost feels like the writers/directors figures out that their show was ripe for meme-dom and .gifs-sometimes when that happens it goes real south for the sake of quality, but luckily not Mad Men.

Friday, May 8

Jiro Dreams Of Sushi, Gelb 2011 [as of now this is available on Netflix]

I bet David Fincher loves this movie. I’m not a huge sushi lover (it’s fine, but way too expensive) so I guess I’ve figured that’d be a huge barrier for me to jump over to enjoy this doc. This thing’s got a weird, but great energy to it, where it feels like four twenty-minute segments sewn together; right when you think “well this should’ve just been a quick package on Frontline” it adds another wrinkle. Would probably be constructed more differently now, considering how food docs/series’ work now, but its strengths lie in its simplicity.

Top Chef, Season 17 episode 8

Great Restaurant Wars this season. Very compelling stuff and almost athletic. Andy Greenwald said it best.

Mad Men, “The Beautiful Girls”, “Hands And Knees”, “Chinese Wall”

“Beautiful Girls” is another entry into the best Mad Men episodes (though like “The Suitcase” I don’t think it would necessarily resonate out of context). Iconic closing shot and a great Sally Draper episode, who I’ve feared I might’ve been overrating for the last couple of years. Nah, Sally Draper is underrated even. Big spiral moves for Don as well in here, though hopefully he can course correct after tasting Sally’s rum-cooked French Toast (it won’t!)

Saturday, May 9

Basic Instinct, Verhoeven 1992

I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be completely neutral about this movie; your life must be so care-free, so calming, so unconcerned with trying to figure out how exactly to start calling your close friends either “cowboy” or “hoss” as if you’ve been doing it your whole life. Also, listen, I get it about that one shot and it being the thing people kept talking about and the thing most associated with this movie, but nothing and no one prepared me for seeing Gus in a cowboy hat in that bar/club before the Nick/Roxie chase. That and all the ice-pick stabbings. And the opening crime scene. And a whole lot of other stuff that takes place in this movie.

Mad Men, “Blowing Smoke”, “Tomorrowland” [season 4 finale], “A Little Kiss Part 1 & 2″ [season 5 premier]

The letter! Disneyland! Marriage again! A lot of things happen in these four episodes that are the end and beginning of seasons. But when I realized that I was going to get “Zou Bisou Bisou” in this block of episodes, it was game over. I’ve had it stuck in my head every day for a prolonged amount of time since Saturday and the only thing that makes it not terrible is knowing how pissed off Don was that it happened to him. Don’t marry a 25-year-old. Season 4′s a weird one for Betty as the show tried to navigate how to keep her involved with the show even though she and Don aren’t married anymore and it’s not....great. Probably because they keep making her “true” emotional foil children (specifically Glen and to a greater level Sally, but the tribulations that come between a mother and almost teenage daughter shouldn’t be the same as a mother and some weird kid down the block who just happens to be the son of the show’s creator).

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