#we all know joel doesn't know how to please a woman

[noxturnalpascal]

The Hunted

SerialKiller!Joel x F!Reader (8.2k)

DARKAU! POV will switch between Joel and Reader. This is dark compared to anything I’ve ever written before. I am a spooky girlie at heart and I wanted to give this idea some legs. If it’s not your thing, that’s okay. Spooky Halloween everyone!

Summary: This Ken is a Ski Instructor. This Ken is a Veterinarian. Well, this Joel is a Serial Killer. The canon Joel is actually kind of a serial killer too, if you think about it. But this version is No-Outbreak, 56-years old, and a Violent, Deranged, Serial Killing Loner. When a new victim practically falls in his lap, he doesn’t take the time to see that she could be his undoing.

Warnings: 18+ MDNI. This is a little dark (for me). Murder, Dead Bodies, Sex, Kidnapping, Bondage, DubCon (they want it but they’re tied to a chair), creampie, blood, violence, semen, crime scenes.

A/N: This is: creepy plot with porn at the end. It’s my first posted tumblr story. Spooky Season is upon us!! Please be nice 💜

He’s been enjoying the silence of the cabin in the woods all afternoon. The only sounds surrounding him have been the soft bird songs and din of cicadas drifting through the open window from the outside, and the rustling of his own body moving about the small rooms inside. 

The sound catches him so off guard, that at first he looks around the inside of the cabin, trying to figure out where the hum could be emanating from. The cabin is not hooked up to electric, so what could be making that sound? Then he realizes it's coming from outside. He looks out the windows and sees a figure hunched in the bushes, a stone’s throw away from his front door. 

He steps to the front door and quietly opens it, watching her at the wood’s edge. It’s definitely a woman, he can tell by the double braids winding down the back of her head, ending in pigtails. She is wearing dark wash blue jeans, a green jacket, and has on a rust-colored backpack. He can hear her humming even clearer now, the melody traversing the short distance to his ears.

He watches as she stays hunched over, reaching into the bushes and rustling the leaves. Nearly a minute passes before she finally stands, wiping her hands off on her thighs. He notices a small wooden bowl at her feet, stuffed full with berries. She is sucking on her fingertips, stained a light purple, when she turns and meets his eyes.

“Oh!,” she says, startled by his presence. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think anyone was in this ol’ thing.”

She gestures towards the cabin. She has a point. Even at first glance, the woods surrounding the cabin appear to be putting forth their best effort to reclaim it. The roof is covered in fallen leaves, moss and lichen cling to every surface, and the front steps - made of flattop logs - are sinking down, seeming to retreat back into the forest floor. And what he knows that she doesn't - yet? - is that the musty smell of the forest has permeated every square inch of the old log cabin’s interior, and everything inside of it. 

He puts on his warmest smile, softening the way his eyes are squinted, and blinks slowly. “Yeah, she’s not much but she keeps me honest,” he says, and he notices the way her body relaxes at his gentle, comforting tone.

“I’m guessin’ I’ve wandered too far. Sorry, I didn’t notice any signs posted.” The gentle lilt of her southern accent hits his ears like a sweet melody. 

“Yeah, state land ends at the treeline at the bottom ‘a that hill,” he gestures to the distance, her gaze following where he points. “But I don’t shoot or bite or nothin’, so don’t worry about steppin’ on my property,” he chuckles. He can see her continuing to relax under his welcoming reception. 

“I appreciate that. I’ve got one ‘a those little vans in the clearing down there, ‘n I expected more people to be around if I’m being honest.”

He notices she’s said I, not we.

“It’s gettin’ the end of camping season, so there’s fewer ‘n fewer out here, I think,” he waves his hand, hoping to convey how little he even notices the campers on the adjacent land.

“Well I’m sorry about stealin’ your berries. You want ‘em?” and she takes a few steps forward, closing the gap between them, holding the small bowl in her outstretched arms. 

The pigtails make her look young. So does the innocence in her eyes, which are partially hidden behind her thick-framed glasses. She stops short of the steps, still about six feet away now, still holding out the bowl. 

“No, ‘course not,” he gives her a sideways grin. “Those were gonna get eaten by birds before they got eaten by me. You enjoy ‘em little bird.” His guts twist at the smile that breaks out on her face. The way she looks down, almost bashful.

She turns to walk away and then stops, turning back to look at him. He watches her as she gives the outside of the deteriorating cabin another once-over, and then looks him up and down. “Can I ask you somethin’?” and before he can even respond, she continues. “Is it safe around here?”

His stomach clenches. He gently furrows his brows, “yeah, sure it is, why?”

“I’ve heard a couple things recently about people going missin’. Hikers and campers near here,” she gestures in a circular motion with her finger. “You heard anything about that?”

She is worried. He can tell because she looks worried. God, every emotion she has is playing across her face right now. He can read her like a book. She is so vulnerable. She’s a young woman camping all alone in the woods and she is worried. She should be.

“I haven’t heard anything myself, no. But that happens every year. People underestimate it.”

“Underestimate what?” she interjects, her doe eyes scanning his face.

“Nature,” he replies, and now he gestures around with his finger.

He gives her another soft smile and blinks his eyes slowly. She lets a genuine grin break through her worried features and she nods, taking in his response.

“I wouldn’t worry too much, there’s no one out here to cause ya trouble,” he offers, hoping she notes that he is clearly not a danger. “Besides, if anything happens, you can come back here.”

This time her smile falters a bit. He’s pushed too far. She’s worried. She’s alone. She’s not looking to seek refuge in a stranger’s cabin. He backtracks.

“I’m sure the worst thing that’s gonna happen is ya find a spider in your van,” he continues, “But please don’t come back here for that!” 

He gives a low chuckle and is glad to see she does the same, good humor returning to her now relaxing face. She gestures to the bowl of berries and flashes a toothy-smile as a thanks, before turning to retreat down the hill. He hears her call out a goodbye after she turns and he calls one back in response. 

He goes back inside and finishes watching her leave until the trees hide her departing figure. He has about seven more hours until dark fully takes hold. Seven more hours until he can seek her out in the clearing with the safe knowledge of remaining undetected. Plenty of time for him to finish prepping the cabin and get himself some dinner.

*****

He thinks he might be getting too old for this. His lower back is aching, his thighs are on fire, and he’s had a stabbing pain in his neck for the last twenty minutes; all due to the fact that he has been hunched against this tree for over an hour. Usually he wouldn’t still be here. He’d have made some observations, taken some mental notes, and planned for additional reconnaissance later on.

But he doesn’t know how long you’re going to be here. You haven’t unpacked anything - not even a folding chair - to indicate that your campsite setup will be anything more than a one-night stay. If you’re gone tomorrow and he has missed his opportunity, he’ll regret leaving now. He has spent the last eight hours thinking about nothing but you. 

He’s thought about the way your delicate lips wrapped around your fingertips and the gentle melody you hummed before you knew he was there. He has thought about the kind way you offered him the berries you picked and the way your jeans hugged your ass as you sauntered away. What would your eyes look like if he took your glasses off, if he pressed a gentle kiss to your lips, if he wrapped his big hands around your delicate throat?

No, he has to do it tonight. He can’t wait any longer. 

Your van is all black. Besides the windshield, there are windows only at the two front seats and the rear double doors. However, you have all the windows covered with blackout panels. Smart. You’re a young woman camping alone, keeping your privacy is a smart thing to do. And keeping peeping eyes out of your space is probably important to you.

You’ve been playing music inside the entire time, though he doesn’t recognize any of the songs. Sometimes he thinks he can hear you humming along. He imagines you’re eating the berries you picked from the bushes outside his cabin. Maybe you’ve changed into more comfortable clothing, maybe you’re sitting on your bed, maybe you’re reading a book. Maybe you’re even thinking about him. He tried not to make an impression earlier but part of him hopes he did.

He really can’t wait any longer.

He moves slowly, not just because his body is quite literally creaking, but because he has to keep his head on a swivel and continue to make sure there are no eyes watching him. He makes his way towards the van, choosing his steps carefully. His head moves back and forth, checking in front of and behind him, watching for any movement. The night is so quiet all he hears is the gentle wind rustling the tall grass and the constant cricket song.

He finally reaches the side door of the van. The music inside is louder from here but he still doesn’t recognize the song. He pats his pockets, obsessively triple-checking he has the supplies he’ll need. He pulls a small tool out of his shirt pocket and sticks it in the door lock. He feels rather than hears the soft click that he knows means he now has full access to you. 

He puts his hand on the door handle and inhales a breath, holding it with full lungs. He closes his eyes and imagines what he’ll see when he opens the door, warm light spilling onto him from the inside. What will you be wearing? Will you look excited to see him? Frightened? Will you scream?

“Hey there little bird,” he says quietly as he throws the door open. Confusion falls across his face. He looks down onto the floor of the van, where a single bluetooth speaker sits, still playing music. The single overhead light from the van’s interior barely illuminates the inside, but it doesn’t matter, since there isn’t anything to see. 

The inside of the van isn’t a camper. It’s an empty utility van. There are no seats and no wall panels. In fact, the entire inside of the van is covered in thick plastic sheeting, which vibrates a strange buzz from the reverberation of the bluetooth speaker.

He has barely taken it all in when he feels a pinch in his neck. He grabs at it with his hand but there is nothing there and before he can react further, everything goes black.

*****

You hear a couple deep breaths and then some grunting. Maybe this means he’s finally waking up. You walk around in front of where he sits bound naked to a chair, and bend over, hands on your knees, face close to his, cooing gently for him to wake up sleepyhead. 

Standing up straight, you watch as he slowly opens his eyes, bit by bit, working to focus. He is blinking long, slow blinks, and his eyes raise to your face. His pupils start going big and then small, his eyes start rapidly blinking as his swirling thoughts begin to come back to him. 

Then you see it - recognition.

He crinkles his brows, the crease between them going so deep. His mouth begins to form a question but only a short, dry croak comes out. You can’t help yourself, you laugh at him. A quiet, melodic chuckle.

“Sorry, I think I gave you too much back there,” with two fingers you brush some hair off his forehead that has fallen forward. “I thought you were fatter under all these clothes, but you’re doing alright for yerself there.”

His eyes fall to your shirt - well, his shirt - and then to his own lap. He’s just realizing he’s naked. Then his eyes trail back up your body as he takes in the fact that you’re wearing all of the clothes you stripped off him.

His mouth opens again but you don’t let him even try to speak this time. You grab his face and his eyes snap to meet yours. “Remember when I asked if you knew anything about those campers and hikers goin’ missing?” You drop your hand from his face and step to the side to reveal a folding table set up behind you. Along the table you have laid an array of different souvenirs he had plucked from his victims. 

“You told me you didn’t know anything,” you continue, as you watch his eyes grow larger as they rake across the table, taking in the items he had hidden away in his cabin. “But honey, I think you know a lot more than you said you did.”

His eyes slowly come back to yours and you can’t hide the smile you now have plastered across your face. “I don’t-” he starts. You quickly shove your finger overtop his mouth in a shush motion.

“Don’t even try that honey, we’re way past denial now. I already found all yer little trophies.” 

Now he flexes in the chair. Your finger drags down his neck and across his shoulder as you walk around the chair, circling him. You watch him continue to strain, testing the ropes, checking to see for himself if you knew what you were doing when you tied him to the chair. You did.

“So what is this?” he mutters, “One a’ them yer friend? Your brother or sister or somethin’?” He continues to push against the unforgiving ropes. “This some kinda revenge plot you got brewin’?” 

You can’t help it, you laugh again. “Oh honey, is that what you think?” You place your finger at the top of his forehead and slowly run it down his face, “You think you’ve hurt me?” over his nose, “Think I’m your victim?” over his lips, stopping on his chin. You lean in and ghost your lips right over his. “I’m not your victim honey,” you whisper against his lips, “you’re mine,” pressing into him with a kiss.

You stand up and take a step back. “I know what you are. I know exactly what you are because I’m the same. Well, almost the same,” and you laugh again, breaking eye contact. “When I was young, my adoptive father recognized it in me n’ taught me how to direct it. He called it my dark passenger and I-”

“Y-yer what?” he interrupts.

“What?” You’re back to looking him in his eyes.

“Did you say your dark passenger?” He looks past the folding table strewn with his trophies and sees the ‘camper van’ parked with the side door still wide open, inside still covered with plastic sheeting. “Dark passen- isn’t that from that fuckin’ TV show? Dexter?”

“What the fu-,” you slap your arms against your thighs in frustration. “Don’t tell me you get fuckin’ Showtime in that piece a shit cabin. There wasn’t even a fuckin’ TV in that shithole.”

“Well I don’t fuckin’ live there sweetheart that’s just where I-” he stops short but just rolls his eyes at you. Then he gives you a look like he’s embarrassed for you. 

“Oh well excuse me for wantin’ to add a little flair to this situation!” you yell out to the ceiling. “I guess we can’t have any fuckin’ fun around here.”

“So what’re you gonna do now Dex, chop me up and take me out to the ocean?” a cocky fucking grin settles on his face.. 

“Jesus Christ what’d you watch the whole fuckin’ series?” You look down at his smug face. He thinks he has the upper hand again. This motherfucker. Naked. Tied to a chair. Still thinks he’s smarter than you. 

“You know how much fuckin’ work it’d be to chop your fat ass up?” and you watch his grin get wiped off his face. “Think I’m gonna take the time to dismember you? You? I could leave you just like this in a shallow ditch ‘n not one person would even miss you honey.”

“Then whatcha’ fuckin’ waitin’ for, huh?” He snarls, his smugness gone. “Get it over with, let’s go.”

You walk behind him and grab a second chair, dragging it noisily across the floor until it’s parallel to his own chair but facing the other way. You plop down in the chair and lean closer to him.

“I really don’t know how you’re still not gettin’ it,” you say quietly. You drag your finger along the ropes across the front of his chest as he lowers his chin to watch you. “But you are not in charge here.” He lifts his head and his hard eyes meet yours.

“Now… I’m gonna ask you some questions and you’re gonna answer me honestly.”

“And why would I fuckin’ do that?” he says calmly, quietly.

“Cuz otherwise I’m gonna call 9-1-1 right now. When they get here they’ll see I’ve done all their work for ‘em.” you hitch your thumb back to point it towards the table behind you. He sighs a deep breath and - growls? - under his breath.

You point to the table again and ask, “How do you choose your victims?” He shakes his head, tries to shift in his chair but the ropes are tied too tight to allow for much movement. You really do know what you’re doing. He still doesn’t seem to believe it, flexing his arms and chest against the ropes yet again.

“I don’t.” You give him a beat to add more to the sentence but he just stares at you with black eyes, mouth closed and tight-lipped.

“You’re gonna have to do a little better n’ that honey,” you gently coo. He suppresses another growl. You can tell that your little nickname for him is finally starting to grate on his nerves. 

“That’s my answer,” he grumbles, refusing to elaborate, staring ahead at the folding table.

“Okay hun, no problem,” you reply as you lean forward and pull a cell phone out of your back pocket. You punch in the lock code and begin to dial. You type in 9 and you see him watching you out of the corner of your eye. You quickly type in the 1 and then hover your finger over the button, ready to repeat the motion. You pause and look up, meeting his eyes.

“You wanna call my bluff or you wanna start talkin’?” and then you smile as you hear jesus fuckin’ christ muttered under his breath and watch him spend some more time straining against the ropes. “Get it over with, let’s go,” you repeat his words back to him in a bad impression of his gruff voice. His scowl deepens.

“I don’t,” he repeats. “I don’t choose ‘em.” He sighs, and you open your mouth to protest that he’s still holding back but before you can speak he continues, “I just take what’s there.”

“You don’t have a type?” 

“You seem to know everythin’, look at ‘em,” he nods towards the table where you have placed cut out photos from the missing posters next to the trinkets you found in his cabin. “Does it look like I have a type?” You remember the photos of men and women from all backgrounds on that table.

“So you just take whatever… whoever you can get?”

“Easier that way. Don’t have to go findin’ something specific.” He’s not making eye contact anymore, even though you have leaned in so far your faces are just inches apart. “Less suspicious that way too. Looks less like one person is pickin’ ‘em all off.” He shrugs, then quiets.

You lean back in your chair now, thinking over what he’s said. He’s been doing this for years. You could connect some of his souvenirs to known missing people but he had more items stuffed in his floorboards than you had pictures. So who knows how high his number really is.

“Is that all of ‘em?” nodding your head back towards the table again. His head is still down, seemingly very interested in a freckle on his left thigh. But you see a smile tug at one side of his mouth. He tries to hide it before you can see but it’s too late.

“Yeah,” he lies, unconvincingly. He doesn’t see you roll your eyes. God he’s shit at lying. 

You raise the phone up and wave it in front of his face, showing the 9-1 still dialed in. “Is that your final answer, honey?” He lets out a big sigh, like you’ve spoiled his fun. That’s right, we can’t have any fun around here, can we?

“Not exactly,” he grumbles. “Camping season is short ‘round here. Winter comes on quick. I have somewhere else I go sometimes,” he vaguely adds. He doesn’t elaborate further.

“Do you have sex with ‘em before or after you kill ‘em?” you ask, not even taking time to absorb his previous answer. His head snaps up to yours, his eyes wide.

“What?”

“Do you have se-”

“I don’t fuckin’ do that,” he spits, face contorted in disgust.

“Yeahhhh. But that’s what they all say. And, spoiler alert,” your voice goes high and teasing, “they ALL do it.” His face is still tight, mouth curled into a frown. 

“Well I fuckin’ don’t,” he looks back down at the freckle on his thigh, continuing to curse under his breath how disgusting you are for asking. “Killin’ doesn’t get me hard,” he snarls.

“Oh honey, I don’t know why you’re goin’ all shy on me now,” you coo, he’s still looking down, shaking his head now. “I’ve been in your little hidey-hole, ya know. It smells like fuckin’ loam ‘n body odor. I took a black light. That place is truly fuckin’ disgusting.” You adjust your glasses on your nose and continue, “I didn’t find a single cleaning product in the whole place. And now you’re gonna act like you’re not in there sprayin’ blood and cum all over the walls?” He doesn’t raise his head but his eyes meet yours under his eyebrows to scowl at you. You lean in till your noses almost touch. “A black light,” you repeat.

“That’s a huntin’ cabin sweetheart, and it wasn’t always mine. So I can’t tell you what yer little black light saw but it wasn’t me doin’ - that - with any ‘a them,” he nods to the table. 

Now you consider what he’s said and decide if you believe him or not. He’s a terrible liar, right? Maybe. Or maybe he’s just been playing you this entire time. You don’t give a shit that he’s a murderer. Anyone would murder under the right circumstances. But sexual assault? That’s a line you’d never cross. In fact, most of the men you’ve killed have been guilty of it themselves. Pigs, all of them, who’d stick their dicks anywhere for a moment of pleasure. They deserved what they got. Is this guy one of them?

“Well like I said, that’s what they all say, n-”

He interrupts, muttering jesus fuckin’ christ again, and more curses follow in whispers. “Is there fuckin’ evidence that I did any ‘a that? Any… sexual assault?” he spits the last two words out with particular venom, speaking the term for the first time.

“You’re askin’ if there’s any evidence on the months-old decomposing body parts found half-eaten in the woods?” You poke the freckle on his thigh he’s been seemingly obsessed with. “Surprisingly, no, there was not any evidence of sexual assault found.”

“Well then, there ya go,” he grunts out, as if that settles it. He clearly doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. You can’t tell if it’s from shame, discomfort, or disgust. He’s doing a good job pretending it’s disgust. Is he pretending?

You try to ask another question but he is done talking. He won’t look up from his lap now. You even hold up the cell phone again but he doesn’t flinch. He knows by now you’re not going to dial the police. He’s shut down. So you get up and pull your chair away, disappearing behind him for a moment.��

When you come back in front of him you sit on his lap, facing him, straddling his legs with yours. He looks up at you with cautious eyes and opens his mouth to say something - but say what you’re not sure. When he feels the sharp poke just under his ribs he stops short. He looks down and sees the 5” knife you have pressed into the soft spot where his sternum ends.

“I guess it’s time then, honey,” you hum. The hand not holding the knife traces the side of his face. He looks almost sad for one singular moment before his eyes turn hard and all the muscles in his face pull tight.

“If ya expect me to beg, you’re wastin’ yer time.” His pupils are blown wide. “Just do it.”

“How about you stop bein’ so bossy on our first date?” You lean in and kiss him on the nose, then the right cheek, then the left cheek. “Well…..  Our last date,” and you kiss him on the mouth.

You press your lips hard into his and wait. When he doesn’t relent you take your free hand and squeeze his cheeks, hard, forcing his mouth open. Risking him biting your tongue, you push it into his mouth. Your gamble pays off when he doesn’t bite but instead pushes his tongue back and forth along the length of yours.

You wrap your free arm around his shoulders, bracing yourself and grinding your body down into his naked lap. You press your chest into his as your hand moves to the back of his head and fists in his wild curls. You continue kissing him, tongues wrapping around each other, lips moving sloppily across each other’s mouths. 

You move your wet kisses down his jaw, mouthing at the patches in his graying, scruffy beard. You grab a handful of his hair and squeeze your fist, tugging gently at the roots. He grits his teeth and groans, attempting to buck his hips up. 

Of course he can’t move against the restraints, but you grind down again, and you can finally feel that he’s gotten hard through the baggy jeans you’re still wearing. You let a low chuckle slip out.

“I thought killin’ didn’t get you hard,” you smile against his mouth.

“Who am I killin’?” he mutters, still simmering with anger at the topic.

Oh yeah, you giggle, your breath ghosting across his neck. “I guess I’m the one who it’s gettin’ hard,” you whisper. 

You can’t help it. The anticipation of the kill is thrumming through your veins. It’s always like this, the energy, the electricity. Killing makes you feel more alive. You usually aren’t making out with them though. Never, in fact. This time feels different. You’re not sure why.

You lick a stripe up his neck, rolling your hips over his hardened length, and now he bites, nipping gently at your jaw. You squirm and the knife pokes harder into his abdomen. He inhales a sharp breath through his nose at the contact. You silence any additional protest by kissing him hard on the mouth again.

You pull back, face flushed and panting. He is looking at you with wild eyes and puffy lips, his hair pulled at strange angles from your hands running through it. Do you want to fuck this guy? You just brought him here to kill him but now you think you want to fuck him. This is a morally gray area. He’s bound to a chair and you have a knife at his ribs. Can he consent?

“Why’d ya stop?” he huffs out, bringing your attention back to him. “Are we doin’ this or what?”

“It feels kinda fucked up,” you say meekly, the first time he’s seeing any hesitation from you. You look down, twirling the knife against the rope crossing his chest. “It’s not gonna change my mind ‘bout what happens here ya know.”

“I didn’t say it would,” he says quietly, and you look back into his eyes. His eyes are dark, like fresh brewed coffee. They’d be kinda nice if they weren’t about to be on a dead guy.

“You…. you want this?”

“Why not?” he immediately answers.

“Because I’m gonna kill you after,” and even though you’re sure he doesn’t need the reminder, you poke him lightly in the ribs with the knife again, leaving a little red dot from the tip. He doesn’t react this time. He just lets a small smile ghost across his face and his eyes soften as they land on yours.

“What a way to go.”

It’s all you need to hear. You get up and uncinch the belt that is the only thing holding his pants up around your waist. As soon as it’s loosened, the pants fall to the floor, the belt buckle tinkling as it hits the concrete. You’re not wearing any underwear but the view of your cunt is obstructed by the long flannel shirt draped over you.

You take the knife and stick it in the edge of the shirt about breast-high, just above where you have the first button done up. You slowly drag the knife down the placket, cutting each button off easily with the very sharp blade. The buttons clatter to the floor one by one and when you’ve reached the last one, the shirt opens up a bit.

It’s just enough to see the valley between your breasts, a line of your soft stomach, the patch of hair on your mound, and your pink folds peeking out between your legs. You watch him looking you up and down, devouring the sight of you. His brown eyes now black with hunger. Now you can finally take the time to admire his body. 

Yes you had stripped him naked and then tied him to the chair. The whole process had taken nearly thirty minutes. Your hands had been all over him, this grown man you had to maneuver while he was unconscious. But that wasn’t about sex. That was just a body. And you’ve had your hands on plenty of bodies. It’s not sexual. 

But now…. now you can really admire him. He has a long and muscular neck, a broad chest, and freckle-dotted shoulders with strong muscles that continue down his thick arms. He isn’t very hairy but he does have soft arm hair, a little chest hair, and a trail of hair that starts beneath his belly button and continues down to a large patch around his cock.

His cock. Now you can appreciate what you were feeling on his lap. Why does it look so good? Cocks shouldn’t look this good. It’s fully hard, leaking precum and leaning against his stomach, his balls pulled tight at the bottom. You’re surprised to notice his pubic hair isn’t growing wild, it looks as if it was trimmed but has grown out a bit. His cock is both a little larger and a little thicker than what you know to be average. It’s not the biggest you’ve ever seen but that’s alright. In this context you aren’t looking for something that’s going to destroy you. You need to be able to walk later, you’ll have a body to dispose of.

You look back at his face and his eyes are meeting yours. You wonder if he can see the same hunger in your eyes that you saw in his. He’s smiling again but this time it’s not the same cocky grin as before, this one is genuine and filled with excitement. Your heart is pounding. You feel intoxicated. Is this the thrill of the kill or the sex?

Double ropes make an X across his chest, fastening his torso tight to the back of the chair. His arms and wrists are also bound to the back of the chair, causing his arms to be extended stiff at his sides, hands dangling towards the ground. Another X of the double rope crosses his thighs, attaching him to the seat of the chair, and his ankles are tied to the chair’s front legs.

You consider for one brief moment if untying any part of him would increase your enjoyment but quickly decide that’s not a good idea. Even if you might want his hands on your body, if you find them on your throat, it could all get very messy very quickly.

You give your shoulders a slight shrug and his flannel begins to fall off your shoulders, brushing down your arms as it falls to the ground. Now you stand before him completely bare. You don’t miss the fuuuck he silently mouths. Jesus christ what is this guy doing to you? You swear you just felt your clit twitch. 

It is now obvious more than ever the effect he’s having on you, as your unobstructed cunt is so wet that the cool air hitting your thighs makes you realize you are a fucking sopping mess down there. Not wanting to wait any longer, you straddle his thighs again. This time you don’t put your legs on either side but rather rest your legs on top of his. Your feet rest inside of his thighs right under his balls and your ankles and shins lay on top of his thighs. This position is you going give you the best leverage to raise and lower yourself, since you know he can’t help with driving his cock into you.

You can see his arms straining against the ropes. By now he should have learned that they’re too tight for him to move but you think this might just be out of habit. He wants to touch your body, you can tell by the way he moves his head forward - the only thing he can freely move forward - and laps his tongue anywhere he can reach.

You grab his face with one hand and crash your mouth onto his, a mess of teeth and lips and tongues. With your other hand, which is still holding the knife, you carefully use two fingers to tilt his cockhead directly under you and you slowly sink down on it.

You both let out wanton moans into each other’s mouths at the sensation. You continue to press down until he’s seated all the way inside you, and then you pause to let your body adjust. He feels bigger than he looked. Maybe it’s been a while since you’ve been with anyone but this feels borderline painful. You don’t move up and down but rock forward and backwards ever so slightly, giving yourself some more time. He groans a little bit, maybe impatient but you don’t care, and you just smile against his mouth.

You feel your own wetness dripping out of you, down around him, and you feel like you’re ready to go. Pulling your face back from his, you look in each other’s eyes, almost tenderly. You put both hands on top of his shoulders, careful to have a good grip on the knife but not have it too close to his skin. You don’t want to be the one to do anything prematurely in this situation. 

You start slowly at first, ignoring the quiet groans coming from him. He’s not whining but he doesn’t sound or look pleased with the pace you’ve set if the pained look on his face is any indication. You continue moving but grab his face to ask you good? The pained look immediately disappears from his face as his eyes snap open. He grunts and mutters a quiet it’s been awhile before he closes his eyes again, trying to focus.

“Don’t you end this early on me,” you warn. It’s a little funny to you when you realize that his punishment for doing that would be death. It shouldn’t be funny but it is. Probably because you’re fucked in the head. He barely reacts and just mutters I won’t between clenched teeth.

Your pace starts to pick up and you alternate between quite literally bouncing up and down on his cock, and grinding forwards and backwards on it. Each time you switch movements he lets out a strangled groan, clenching his eyes tighter. You can feel your orgasm start to build as a little ball of energy deep in your torso.

You picture what it would be like if he could put his hands on you. You take your own hands off his shoulders and run them up and down your thighs, careful to not let the blade hit either of your bodies. You run them across your stomach and up your ribcage, grabbing your breasts, the cold blade of the knife pressed against one of them. You cry out at the sensation and notice he has opened his eyes now and is watching you intently.

You throw your head back, squeezing your breasts, and bring two fingers to pinch each nipple until they’re over-sensitive and stinging. You look back down and watch his face, inches from your breasts, mesmerized. Without warning you shove one of them right into his mouth and he greedily accepts it, tonguing and biting your nipple. 

You continue to move on his lap, driving his cock in and out, up and down, filling you up, hitting all the right spots inside of you. Your bodies are sliding against each other, lubricated by the sheen of sweat covering them. The sounds of your skin slapping echoes off the walls. The slurping noises of his mouth are turning you on even more. You can feel your orgasm now just below the surface. You know you’re close. 

“I’m gonna come honey,” you moan. Jesus fuckin’ christ you hear him grunt beneath you, mouth still full of your breast.

You push yourself closer to him, pressed up against his chest, his mouth popping off your nipple. You wrap both arms around his neck and pull him tight, rutting hard and deep on his lap. It’s just there, so close. Then he latches his mouth onto your neck just below your jaw, and he sucks. 

A white-hot release immediately hits your body, spreading from the core out. It hits you so hard that you actually scream. Your movements stutter and slow as you work through your orgasm, feeling your pussy contracting on his cock.

Seconds later you hear him against your neck, a long and drawn-out moan, as you feel him releasing repeatedly inside of you. You continue gentle rocking motions against him until you feel his cock still. His mouth is still against your neck, breathing heavy breaths in between curses of jesus fuckin’ christ, and holy shit.

You push yourself up off him using the leverage from your shins on his thighs just enough for him to slip out of you, your combined release dripping out onto his lap. You lay your head down on one of his shoulders, gently kissing his neck. At the other shoulder, your arm rests with the knife dragging up and down along where his carotid artery lies.

You sit like that for a while, both of you catching your breaths, getting your bearings back. You are vaguely aware of the mess on his lap you’ll have to clean up later. It’ll have to wait. You think that orgasm made you dizzy. You’re pretty sure your legs will be jell-o for a bit. You haven’t felt like this in a long time. Fucked out and cockdrunk.

He is the first to speak.

“Can I ask you a question?” he says tentatively, “before ya….  ya know.”

“You have a question for me?” you scoff, “I’m flattered,” which is true, even considering what you’ve just done.

“Were ya serious about doin’ this before? The killin’ part?”

“Well yeah, what makes ya think I wasn’t serious?” you lift your head to look him in the eyes just in time to see him roll his.

“Probably the part where ya pretended to be Dexter-” he starts.

“Oh my god I can’t wait till you stop breathin’ so I don’t have to hear about that again. I was just trying to- ya know what? Nevermind,” and you push the blade forward into his neck a little. It’s hard enough to pierce the skin. It draws a couple drops of blood but you’re mostly just teasing him, since you have no desire to clean five liters of blood off the floor of this rented garage. But you can’t help the thrill that shoots into your stomach at the way he clenches in fear.

His body relaxes after a few seconds when he realizes you haven’t pushed the knife in any further. He had clenched his eyes shut, not letting you see the panic in them. Now they flutter open and meet yours, barely able to focus, your faces are so close together.

“My question was somethin’ else,” he mutters, barely audible over the sound of your pounding heartbeat whooshing in your ears. You say nothing, just continue to stare at him wide-eyed, unblinking. “My question was… why. Why do ya do it?”

You are taken aback. Literally and figuratively. You physically pull back from him, resting on your heels back where his knees are. Your hands remain on his shoulders, one still clutching the knife against his neck. Someone is looking for the answer, you think to yourself. It’s almost sweet that he thinks you have it.

“I do it for the same reason you do it.” You scan his face, searching for that smug smile, waiting for deception to play across it, for something. For anything. It doesn’t come. He genuinely doesn’t know. “I do it because it fucking feels good, honey.”

He just keeps your gaze, nodding his head slowly as he takes in your answer. He doesn’t ask anything else or add to your answer. He’s just considering it. You get up off his lap and fold up the knife in your hand, dropping it on the floor on top of the discarded flannel. You walk behind him again and grab the pre-filled syringe you set up. This is the way you like to do things. Clean. Efficient. No stains or smells to deal with later.

You walk up behind him, standing so you are pressed to the back of the chair, his head resting against your bare stomach. You put your hands down on top of his shoulders, the syringe in your dominant hand tapping against his skin. He looks down at it and then tilts his head back to look up at you.

“Why me?” he asks. Not whiny, like most people are. Just a curiosity. Why him? Why did you pick him? Out of everyone in the world, why is it him? It’s almost romantic.

“I thought it’d be fun. I mean, it’s always fun. But I thought it’d be more fun than usual, huntin’ someone like me. Well, almost like me. I’m better at it,” and you tap the syringe against his clavicle a few times, “obviously.”

“Well you weren’t exactly playin’ fair, were ya sweetheart?” he says in an accusing tone.

“How do ya mean?” you ask, your eyes going wide, insulted by the implication. “You knew people would be lookin’ around and askin’ questions, maybe even the police.”

“Yeahhh,” he concedes, “but the police‘re idiots.” He keeps his eyes on you, watching you nod your head in agreement. “I didn’t think I was up against someone like you.” He pauses and then flashes you a cocky grin. “Someone smart.”

“Oh stop, now you’re just tryin’ to flatter me,” and you swat the syringe on his shoulder.

“I’m not,” he says, still smiling.

“Kinda seems like you are, ya ol’ flirt.” and you wink down at him.

“No, what I’m tryin’ ta say is…” and he finally looks away, staring straight ahead before he delivers the next sentence. “I bet you couldn’t do it again.”

“Do what again?” You continue to look down at him but he’s still looking straight forward, not meeting your eyes.

“Catch me.”

Now you’re annoyed. “Honey it really wasn’t that fuckin’ hard the first time. I highly doubt th-”

“But,” he interrupts, “I bet you couldn’t do it again.” His cocky smile is back, head thrown back staring up at you again. “You couldn’t do it now that I know you’re lookin’ fer me. 

You push off his shoulders and walk around the front of him. Bending over, you pull his wallet out of the back pocket of his jeans laid on the floor. You’re gonna wipe that smug grin off his face once and for all. “Well Joel Miller,” and you read off his home address in Texas, “I really do think I could find you again.”

“Then do it.” His smile is gone. His face is expressionless. He’s just staring at you. “Find me again,” he taunts.

You drop the wallet back to the ground and sit down on his lap, almost considering what he’s saying. You run your hand on the side of his stupid smug little face, syringe still in the other hand. You lean your face to his and gently pepper his face with kisses.  

“Honey, I don’t want you sufferin’,” you coo between smooches. “Yer gonna miss me too much if I let you go.”

“How long you think I’d have to suffer?” he counters, “Hmm? How long you think it’d take you?”

“It took me less than a week this time honey. So probably not long,” you continue the kisses down his neck.

“Then come find me,” he growls, stilling your motions. “End my sufferin’.”

You pull back from him. Fuck. The thought of it made you undeniably excited. You were practically vibrating with anticipation and you weren’t even thinking about killing him anymore. This was about a chase. An honest-to-god chase with someone that might be something close to a challenge.

He had a point. You didn’t want to admit that to him, but he didn’t know you were looking for him. He had no idea there was someone like him in the area, whereas you had begun to suspect last summer, and had spent the last year putting pieces together and planning your trip this way. 

It did take you less than a week of moving around to different areas of the state land with your van, finding different places to camp, until you ran into him and his filthy little cabin. But you had spent much longer than that reviewing his victims, studying his patterns, and getting yourself into his mindset as best you could. 

He has confirmed your suspicions that he moved on after the summer to hunt somewhere else. But where else? Where he lives in Texas? Another off-the-grid cabin? It could be anywhere. It doesn’t matter. You’ll figure it out. 

The phone you’ve been threatening him to dial 9-1-1 with is actually his phone. You'd used his fingerprint to gain access while he was out cold and then changed the passcode to something that only you know. You can gather a lot of information on him from his cellphone. That will help and he doesn’t even yet realize you have it. 

You already have an upper hand on his little proposition. You’re already outsmarting him.

You press your lips to his one last time and stick the syringe’s small needle into his neck, pressing the plunger halfway down. With open eyes kissing him you see his eyes go wide and then shut. His entire body goes limp under yours, including his lips. His plush lips. You feel his heart still beating strong under your hand so you take the time to indulge, holding his head up and stealing a few more kisses before you have to start cleaning up.

*****

Joel wakes a while later, how long he’s not sure, but the room he’s in looks very different. The van is gone, as is the folding table covered in trophies and photos of his victims, as are you. In fact, very few things remain in the room. 

His clothes are folded in a stack on the floor in front of him. Next to them are his wallet and truck keys. Finally, there is a folded note stuck to his leg. It’s pinned to him with your five inch pocket knife having been driven into his thigh.

The restraints around his wrists have been cut so that he can reach forward to take the knife out of his leg. When he does, the note drifts to the floor a few feet away. He ignores the searing pain and blood now streaming from the wound on his leg and manages to work himself free of the rest of the ropes. 

He moves to stand up out of the chair and immediately his legs give out, collapsing him unceremoniously onto the floor. He is free of the chair for the first time in - judging by the physical state of him - what has probably been half a day. With shaky hands he reaches out and picks up the paper where it had fallen, unfolding it.

In pretty, looping handwriting it reads: ‘Catch ya later!   xoxo’ 

*****

READ THE NEXT PART HERE (THE CHASE - PART 1)

[chiriwritesstuff]

The Girl in IT - 4. Gooey

A Boss! Joel Miller x IT Specialist F! Reader AU

The LIST │ Series Masterlist

Chapter Rating: E (18+, MDNI - Minors Do Not Interact!)

Chapter Preview: "Why did you do that?" you blurt out, turning to face him. Joel, seemingly unfazed, keeps his eyes on the road. "Do what?" "I don't need you defending my honor against Tess. She already dislikes me, and now it's all awkward-" "She doesn't hate you-" "...but clearly I have a target on my back now that I'm involved with my boss!" You keep your eyes downcast, attempting to stifle a sob. "You didn't need to cause a scene." Joel turns his head at that, his expression softening as he observes your distress, seemingly at a loss for words. "Sugar-" "It's easy for you, you know? To throw the fact that you're the boss around and have this 'I can do what I want' attitude with whoever you please. But I could still lose my job! I need this job, Joel. I-" "No, Sugar. Shit, I-" He opens his mouth, then closes it, appearing unsure of how to respond to your sudden outburst. Joel looks genuinely troubled, his frown mirroring yours. "I'm disposable, Joel," you continue, refusing to meet his gaze. "You wouldn't understand where I'm coming from."

Chapter Warnings & Tags: No outbreak AU, Boss x Employee Relationship, Sugar Daddy Lite, Daddy Kink, Smut, SO MUCH SMUT, Age Gap, Overstimulation, Squirting, Older Man/Younger woman, So much dirty talk, DD/lg (kinda? they're both into it), Virgin Reader, Loss of Virginity, PIV Sex (finally!!!!), Breeding Kink, No beta we die like men!

Word Count: 6.4K

Chapter Title Inspo/Vibe: 'Gooey' by Glass Animals

"What's up with you and Sugar?"

Sarah casually strolls over to Joel's desk, perching her hip on the edge as she hands him a cup of coffee. "Maria said she saw the two of you at the mall yesterday," peering over him as he nervously takes a sip of his coffee, "... during working hours. She said you guys seemed mighty close and all, I guess she wasn't sick like Tess said?"

Joel chokes mid-sip, coughing out the hot coffee as Sarah smirks at him.

"So it's true, then?"

"I guess I can't hide anything from you, baby girl," Joel replies in between coughs. "Should have known I can't get anything past you."

"Well, I made a wild guess you were into her, being that I heard you singing 'Pour Some Sugar On Me" in the shower the other day.

"It was being played on the radio, can't control what they decide to play, you know?" he stops, taking a deep breath. "... besides, everyone loves Def Leppard," he mumbles under his breath.

Sarah gives him a knowing glance as she makes herself comfortable on the chair in front of him. "Dad, the radio stations don't put music on repeat." She fiddles with the sleeves of her sweater absentmindedly, her face deep in thought. "It wouldn't be a bad thing, you know? You and Sugar. She seems like a very sweet girl. Kind of shy, but I like her."

Joel arches an eyebrow. "Do you now?"

She shrugs. "I mean, she is kind of young, but age is just a number, right? It's not like she's in her 20s. Besides, Ellie is obsessed with her. She's always at her office, picking her brain about her thoughts on 80s music. She's a good influence on her."

Joel nods. "Ellie- I worry about her sometimes. Lord knows that I try to do right by her, adopting her and all that. Sometimes I think she needs-"

"... a feminine touch?"

"Something like that." Joel smiles to himself, his eyes still locked on his iPad as he continues his redline revisions to be sent off to the draftsmen. "I think her being surrounded by Tommy and I makes her too-"

"Feral?" Sarah quips, chuckling. "Rough around the edges? Aggressive? It comes with the territory, I guess, with no mother figure around, you know?" she picks a hangnail. "Tommy said that she nearly castrated a client on the job site the other day for asking her out on a date."

"That jerk was asking for it." Joel retorts, his back stiffening. "You adjusted well enough without a mother."

Sarah sighs. "It doesn't mean it was easy, though. It would have been nice, you know? There's just things that I can't talk to a guy about, as much as you tried to be there for me."

"This thing with Sugar, It's new - but I know what I feel for her."

Sarah nods. "You don't need to give me all the details. I trust you, and if she's someone you want to pursue, I won't be mad about it, if that's what you're thinking. Like I said, she's a nice girl."

"She's... fuck, Sarah, she's amazing. She takes my breath away, every time she smiles at me. Fuck. I feel like a teenager, being around her. I don't know what it is, but I always want to be around her." Joel chuckles, smiling at Sarah. "I'm crazy about her."

"Well, you must be if you're out here buying Teslas like you would coffee."

Joel leans back in his chair, a smirk playing on his lips. "Oh? I wasn't aware that she bought a new car."

Sarah crosses her arms, a skeptical look in her eyes. "Dad, you do realize I handle HR, right? I know what everyone's making. I find it hard to believe she's casually splurging on a Tesla, especially a Model X." She shrugs, giving her father one last look as she heads towards the door. "I know it's tempting, wanting to spoil her. You worked for it, you know? To get where you're at now, but I have a feeling Sugar doesn't care about all of that, just like how Ellie and I don't care about that. Money comes and goes. It's what's inside that chest of yours that matters at the end of the day, ok?"

Joel smiles at Sarah once more as she walks out the door. "I love you too, baby girl."

Joel opens his messenger app, smiling at his earlier conversation with Sarah.

[Hey Sugar, you busy?] I'm about to head into a meeting with Tess, what's up? [Just wanted to see if you wanted to get some lunch?] I can't. Tess is pissed that I was out yesterday. I think this meeting is going to run past lunch. Rain check? [.....] Joel?

"Tess, what are you doing?" Joel demands, walking into Tess' office without knocking.

"Well hello to you, too Joel."

Joel stands at the door, his hands on his hips. "Sugar told me that she's going to be working through lunch with you-"

Tess scoffs, placing both arms on her desk. "Well, if the two of you didn't decide to fuck off work yesterday, maybe she wouldn't have to work past lunch."

"Sugar was sick. I had to do shit back at the house-"

"So you didn't go to the mall together yesterday?"

"It was her birthday, we just so happened to run into each other-"

Tess rolls her eyes at that. "I don't care what the fuck you guys do on your own time, but don't fuck around on my time!" she spits, pointing a finger at Joel. "Don't try to bullshit a bullshitter, Joel. Maria saw you guys. That girl of yours is lucky I didn't ask her for a doctor's note!  

Joel pinches his forehead. "Tess-"

She shakes her head. "What are you doing, Joel? Have you lost your fucking mind? We have a business to run, YOUR business! Time doesn't stop just because you decided that you want to act like a fucking teenager, running around like you have no responsibilities! People depend on you to not fuck around!"  

Meanwhile, you hear the shouting match between Joel and Tess from your office, your head in your hands as you listen to the both of them bicker about the stunt that you and Joel pulled yesterday. You sigh, knowing that you told Joel that you had a bad feeling about blowing off work.  

"Never a dull moment at Miller Construction, huh?" Frank leans casually against your doorway, offering a knowing wink. "Nice ride, by the way. Makes me wonder if I picked the wrong man, huh?"

"Frank, cut it out. You were supposed to be at the showroom ten minutes ago," the gruff voice of the head civil engineer interjects, rolling his eyes as he strides through the hallway, delivering you a brief nod. "Sugar, Happy Belated Birthday. Hope you're feeling better."

"Thanks, Bill," you reply with a hint of meekness.

"Frank! Let's go," he shouts impatiently, already at the front door.

"Well, as much as I'd love to stick around for the theatrics of our esteemed leaders... keep me posted, okay? I want a play-by-play! Nice dress, by the way. Celine?"

"Uh-"

"Frank!"

"I'm COMING! Geez, you'd think after 15 years of marriage, it gets easier, right?" he shrugs. "Well, Sugar, it's been a pleasure." He winces as Tess' shrill voice echoes in the distance. "Go console Joel before he pops a vessel; I think someone might just call the police this time!"

You nod absentmindedly, offering him a small smile. "Sure thing," you reply, the weariness evident in your voice.

It was a lot easier when you worked at Geek Squad. Sure, you got paid almost close to nothing dealing with irate customers for eight hours, answering mundane questions - 

Did you try to restart the computer?

Did you make sure that the monitor was plugged in?

Sure, I can wait for your granddaughter to come home to help you…

It was soul-sucking, but it was easy. Easier, compared to dealing with someone like Tess. Tess took no shit - no excuses, no bullshit. She didn’t care if you had a dentist appointment and couldn’t schedule it on the weekend. She didn’t care if you needed a mental health day. Your time was her time, and you found that out the hard way real quick… and now she knew. Knew that you blew off work and knowing Tess, she probably knew that Joel finger fucked you into oblivion in the Neiman Marcus dressing room. You can't help but have respect for her, a woman walking amongst the men in an unforgiving industry. If there was anyone who had balls of steel, it would be Tess. 

"Joel, why can't you just wait to fuck her after work like a responsible adult?!" She shouts, the tell-tell sound of something being thrown against the wall echoing through the hall. You flinch, sinking into your seat further as you groan in embarrassment.  

"Hey!" you hear the other Miller brother yell from the other end of the hallway, his hurried steps passing through as he makes his way toward the absolute meltdown happening between Joel and Tess. "What the hell is going on? The entire fucking building can hear the both of you! What the fuck?!"

"Tess is being a bully, telling people they have to work through their lunch-"

"Your brother here is throwing a fucking hissy fit accusing me of bullying his little girlfriend - I told you hiring her was a bad fucking idea!"

"YOU LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS!" Joel shouts, the sound of his fist hitting the hollow of the door. "You keep her out of your fucking mouth, Tess!"

"Joel," you hear Tommy, his voice lowered in a shoddy attempt to placate his brother. "Let's just calm the fuck down, okay? you guys are scaring the engineers-"

"OH FUCK THE ENGINEERS, TOMMY," Tess screams, "You tell your brother to stop playing favorites and fucking around with THE HELP!"

"Tess," Tommy stammers, "I know you're upset, but you're being out of line right now, let's just take a moment to calm-"

"Oh fuck off, Tommy! you're here always defending your brother when he's just fine screwing around, fucking us over! why don't you grow a pair-"

"Tess," Joels cuts her off, his voice laced with his building anger. "I know you think that you run the show, but it is still my company, that I run. You don't go and bully everyone just because you think you can. You may call the shots, but you still report to me. Denying an employee lunch is an HR violation! Should I call Sarah in here too? Slap the fucking employee handbook on your desk and clear the air? Your meeting with Sugar can wait until after lunch, do I make myself clear??"

You don't realize you're holding your breath until-

"DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?"

You hear Tess curse, and you can imagine her face, clear as day, glaring at Joel, the both of them not wanting to back down.  

"Crystal."

You hear the slamming of a door, followed by the heavy-footed steps of Joel as he makes his way back to his office.

You sit in a daze, looking off into space, trying to process what just happened. You're only broken off from your thoughts by the unmistakable sound of your messenger, its distinctive ping! jolting you back to the present.

[So, lunch?]

"So, what cravings does my Sugar have today?" Joel murmurs, gently taking your hand as he navigates out of the parking lot.

"Why did you do that?" you blurt out, turning to face him.

Joel, seemingly unfazed, keeps his eyes on the road. "Do what?"

"I don't need you defending my honor against Tess. She already dislikes me, and now it's all awkward-"

"She doesn't hate you-"

"...but clearly I have a target on my back now that I'm involved with my boss!" You keep your eyes downcast, attempting to stifle a sob. "You didn't need to cause a scene."

Joel turns his head at that, his expression softening as he observes your distress, seemingly at a loss for words. "Sugar-"

"It's easy for you, you know? To throw the fact that you're the boss around and have this 'I can do what I want' attitude with whoever you please. But I could still lose my job! I need this job, Joel. I-"

"No, Sugar. Shit, I-" He opens his mouth, then closes it, appearing unsure of how to respond to your sudden outburst. Joel looks genuinely troubled, his frown mirroring yours.

"I'm disposable, Joel," you continue, refusing to meet his gaze. "You wouldn't understand where I'm coming from."

"I wouldn't let her do that, baby."

"Just because you like me doesn't mean I'm immune, Joel."

“You do excellent work, Sugar. If there’s anyone to blame for what happened yesterday, it’s me, alright? Tess’ issue is with me, not you." He heads into town, pulling over to a metered parking spot in front of a few storefronts. He cuts the ignition, staring into the distance as he takes a few deep breaths. "You're wrong, baby," he says finally, turning towards you. He gives you a small smile, "I don't like you."

You feel your expression shift into something resembling pain as Joel hurriedly reaches for your hand, gently taking it into his.

"I love you, Sugar," he breathes, "I've been in love with you, all this time."

"Joel, you don't need to say this just to make me feel better."

Joel shakes his head, unbuckling his seatbelt to lean towards you, placing a chaste kiss on your forehead. "Are you saying I'm a liar?"

A tear rolls down your cheek. "No one has ever-"

"Then let me try to show you just how much I do, baby."

"What if I'm bad at it? Bad at loving you?"

Joel looks deep into your eyes, his gaze tender and unwavering. "There's no such thing as being bad at loving, Sugar. Love is about understanding, patience, and growing together. We'll figure it out, one step at a time."

He wipes away the tear from your cheek with his thumb and offers you a reassuring smile. "I'm not expecting perfection, just you, baby girl. That's all I've ever wanted."

"What if I'm not ready to say it back just yet?"

"I'll take whatever you're willing to give me", he smiles. "Just let me love you, okay?"

Later that day, you finally muster up the courage to make the short journey down the hall for your meeting with Tess. You would be lying if you said you weren't five seconds away from shitting your pants, that's just the effect Tess has on everyone in the office.   

"Tess?" you knock on her door, clearing your throat and hoping she doesn't catch the slight tremor in your voice. You attempt to compose yourself, standing a bit taller as you wait for her reply with bated breath.

"Come in!"

You hesitantly shuffle in, feeling like a moron standing before her in your new dress, feeling like she can see right through you. "Look, about earlier-"

Tess glances at you as if you've suddenly sprouted another head. "Why don't you just have a seat, and we can get this over with."

You stand in your spot timidly, shifting on your feet. "Okay," you say, settling into the seat across from her and placing your MacBook on her desk. "Where did you want to start?"

"Let's go over the employee reports."

"Okay, well," you begin, nervously pushing your hair behind your ear as you load up your reports, keeping your eyes locked onto your screen as you feel the weight of Tess' gaze on you. It's unnerving, you think to yourself. "There haven't been any new issues; everyone seems to be on task, and productivity has been steady, if not increasing-"

"Do you want a drink?" Tess interrupts suddenly, the sound of a drawer opening as she pulls out a bottle of whiskey. "It was your birthday yesterday, right? Why don't we take the edge off?"

"Uh," you glance at the time on your computer screen. 4:05. 55 minutes before the end of the day. You eye her warily. "We still have an hour before... we still have an hour before the end of the day," you cautiously mention, a hint of uncertainty in your voice.

Tess pours two glasses of whiskey, sliding one towards you. "A little celebration won't hurt. Besides, it's been a day."

You hesitate for a moment before accepting the glass, the cool surface feeling unfamiliar in your hand. "To what, exactly?"

Tess smirks, raising her glass. "To getting through the day, and to not making a big deal out of things that don't matter. To burying the hatchet. To your birthday," she adds. She leans towards you, her gaze heavy on yours. "Shall we?"

"Sure," you say, not one to shy away from a challenge. "What the hell."

It's not an hour later you find the both of you drunk off your asses.

"You know, I can see it," Tess says, eyeing you as she leans back in her desk chair. "Why Joel is so taken with you? You're quite a woman."

"Oh?"

"It takes one strong woman to be able to see the kind of illicit porn the Miller brothers watch and not bat an eye at it. Tell me, what has our leader been into lately?"

You try to stifle a giggle, attempting to hide a blush. "Well, he usually watches a lot of secretary stuff, but lately-"

"Let me take a wild guess," Tess says as she takes a swig out of the bottle, shot glasses long abandoned. "Sweet little housewife porn?"

"Not quite."

Her eyebrow raises curiously. "Worse than that?"

"Well, there's been an uptick of... breeding porn?" you blush furiously. "it's a lot."

Tess bursts into a fit of laughter, clutching her middle, all sense of professionalism out the window. "I think he's trying to tell you something!"

"What do you mean?" you ask, meeting her giggles. "What is breeding porn anyway?"

Tess stares at you. "Really Sugar? It means he wants to fuck a baby into you!"

You scratch the back of your head, clearly at a loss. "I-"

"The sex must be great," she quips. "I don't think that man has been intimate with anyone for the last ten years." She leans over toward you. "He has to make up for lost time," she whispers, giving you a wink.

"Yeah", you stammer, "It's great."

"Well, when you say it like that, maybe the old man lost his touch."

"Tess, can I level with you? I... I'm a virgin. I'm a 36-year-old virgin. Does that change how you see me?"

"Well, it depends. Is it by choice?"

You shrug, a hiccup escaping from your body. "I'm not entirely sure. Maybe it's a mix of both. Like I'm defective."

"Lay it on me," she looks around your surroundings, making sure that the door is closed. "This is a safe space... most of the time." She gives you a pointed look.  

"I guess... I don't know how to put myself out there. My parents, well, my dad- he was strict. One of those "You're not allowed to date until you're 80" kind of dads." You take another sip of whiskey, scrunching your face as it burns down your throat. "I... tried to date in college, but it never went past a first date. There was a lot of ghosting. It gave me a complex, you know? Who wants to date a nobody who looks like me? and it's so fucking pathetic, you know? to be the unwanted one. All of my friends, well, they're married and have kids, and I'm just that token single friend they take pity on because I will always be unlucky in love."

"I think that's a load of bull," Tess scoffs, arms crossed.

"Do you know what I think? You dealt with too many boys and not enough men." She drinks from the bottle once more, reclining further into her seat as she places her ankles on the edge of the desk. "Do you wanna know what I see in front of me? I see a girl who worked her ass off getting her masters, who doesn't depend on mommy and daddy to fund her lifestyle - yes," she raises a finger, interrupting you from replying. "I know who your parents are. You're hyper-independent, and you don't like handouts. Boys don't want a woman who doesn't need them, they don't want a fucking challenge. Do you know who does love a challenge? Men. Men like Joel."

Tess leans in, a sly grin playing on her lips. "Joel, now there's a man who appreciates someone like you. Someone who doesn't need saving, who's got her own game going. Boys might be intimidated, but men, well, they see a partner, not a project."

She takes another swig, the bottle now almost empty. "You don't want to waste your time on those boys playing grown-up. Trust me, been there, done that. Men bring something different to the table. They value independence, they crave a challenge. It's a whole different ball game. Think about it, Sugar. Besides," she laughs to herself, shaking her head. "I've never seen Joel so whipped for pussy in the 20 years that I've known him. You got him eating in the palm of your hand... and the best thing about it? you didn't even have to try. What woman can say that she managed to bag a millionaire without having to put out? Now that's power."

"What's this?" Joel asks suddenly, his eyes narrowing at the two of you as he hovers over the doorway. If he knocked, the two of you were too drunk to notice. "Tess? Care to share why Sugar can barely sit straight?"

Tess throws her hands up in surrender, a faint chuckle out of her lips. "What does it look like? We're just having a little birthday drink. I'd offer you a drink," she picks up the empty whiskey bottle, "but it looks like we beat you to it."

"Joel!" you beam at him, spinning around in your seat, your face flushed from your conversation with Tess. "Just the man we were talking about!"

"Sugar, are you feeling ok?" he gives you a small smile, trying to hide his concern.

"I'm just peachy, thanks for asking!" you sway in your seat, grabbing onto the armrest to steady yourself. "Tess and I were just discussing how you haven't had-"

"Just going over productivity metrics" Tess cuts you off, clearing her throat as she tries to steady herself, wincing. "I offered her a drink to apologize for my behavior earlier. We got a little carried away-" She straightens herself, motioning towards you. "I think you should give her a ride home, make sure she doesn't end up in the next state over because she drunkenly typed in the wrong address in the Tesla."

"Home sounds good," you murmur under your breath, your eyes closed.

Joel lets out an exasperated sigh, moving towards your slouched figure. "Okay Sugar," he whispers, his hands gently placed on your shoulders to steady you. "Do you think you can walk?"

"Maybe?" you hiccup, your body feeling like lead is coursing through your veins as you attempt to meet his concerned eyes. "Are you going to take me home? I don't think I can drive, everything is so fuzzy..."

If you weren't drunk off of your ass, you might have sensed the sudden lift from your seat, Joel carrying you effortlessly with a stern look aimed at Tess. "I appreciate the effort to make amends, Tess, but maybe find a different approach other than getting the employees drunk." He adjusts you so your head rests on his shoulder, preventing any potential dizziness.

She shrugs, a smirk forming at Joel as he quietly tries to settle you. "What can I say? Whiskey cures all."

"Goodnight, Tess," Joel grumbles, adjusting his hold as he carries you towards the parking lot.

Joel carefully situates you in the passenger seat of his truck, securing your seatbelt and making sure your head rests comfortably, sighing as he takes in your inebriated state. He places a chaste kiss on your forehead, offering you a reassuring smile. "I'm going to get your stuff back in the office, just close your eyes, okay?" he whispers, giving you one last glance before closing the door.

"I don't want to head home tonight. Can I crash at your place, Joel?" you murmur, eyelids too heavy to keep open. You swear you hear Joel reply something in return, but the alcohol in your system is finally starting to settle deep within your bones, lulling you into a deep sleep.

You don't remember much after that.

When you finally stir, it's dark. Instead of the familiar hum of Joel's truck, warmth envelops you, an arm securely around your middle. Joel snores softly.

"Joel?" you call out in the dark, your eyes trying to adjust to the lack of light. "Where am I?"

"Hush, baby, go back to sleep. It's still early," he mumbles, tightening the arm around you. You feel him gently press a kiss on your head. "Sleep, my little love, we'll talk in the morning, okay?"

"Okay," you reply, the smoothness of his voice lulling you back to sleep.  

"I love you, Joel." you think you say in your sleep. You don't care at this point, there's no sense of hiding it.

You swear you feel the ghost of his smile in response.

The next time you wake, the sunlight is pouring into the depths of Joel's bedroom, casting a hazy light, the air in the room still cold against your bare skin. Your eyes open wider at the realization that you're no longer in your work clothes. You blush at the thought of Joel undressing you, his hungry gaze on your bare body as he redresses you in something comfortable, embarrassed at the fact that you were too drunk to remember. You reluctantly open your eyes, blinking away the haze from a night of heavy drinking, trying to stifle a groan, not wanting to wake Joel.

You managed to lay halfway on top of him this time, your face buried in the crook of his neck. One of his hands is splayed against the expanse of your back, his leg slotted in between your thighs. You swear if you hitched your leg higher you would feel the firmness of his cock, already at half mast beneath the fabric of his boxers. You gaze at it in silent wonder, the realization that he's quite large - larger than the ones you see when you allow yourself to watch porn yourself.  

You find yourself grinding against his thigh, the sensation feeling like molten lava coursing through your veins. You don’t realize what you’re doing until the hand on your back starts to move, motioning your body to move back and forth as you continue to rub your clit against the hardness of his leg. "Fuck baby, are you close? You're shaking." he says roughly, pulling you into a kiss.  

"Joel, I saw what kind of porn you've been watching lately."

Joel stiffens at that, his hand still. "I'm beginning to think I can't hide shit from anyone," he laughs. "I guess I'm that transparent."

"Are you embarrassed?" you chuckle. "You can tell me, you know. Tess told me it's obvious that you want to fuck a baby-"

Joel groans. "Let's not talk about Tess right now. Besides- I know that you're a virgin, Sugar. I want your first time to be special, do it the right way. Let me help you ease into it-"

"Wasn't that what yesterday was about?" you blush, burying your face into his neck. "What if I'm ready now?"

"... are you sure, Sugar?" he asks hesitantly, his fingers gently caressing your cheek. "Don't want to pressure you into something you're not ready for."

"I don't want anyone else but you, Joel."

"You don't know how much I ache for you," he murmurs against your skin, placing wet open-mouthed kisses on your sternum, his hands slowly creeping up your shirt, his fingers grabbing onto the hem. "Can I, baby?" he asks, meeting your gaze as he kisses your skin. You give him a silent nod, lifting yourself slightly as he gently pulls his shirt off of your body, his eyes roaming on the slopes of your breasts. "Such perfect fucking tits, baby. Are they just for me?" he asks, the tip of his tongue flicking your nipple, his hand grasping the other.  

"Yes Joel, just for you," you breathe. His hands drift lower towards your aching cunt. "Put a baby into me, Joel. I want it."

"Fuck," he shouts, his hands grabbing your ass, shifting your body to be at the center of his king-sized bed. "You shouldn't say those things to me, I might just do it," he replies, settling himself in between your thighs. He cants his erection against your cunt, capturing your lips for a bruising kiss. "Can you feel just how much I ache for you?" His hand finds your core once more, his thumb pressing on your clit.  

Oh.

Your hands find his, pushing it onto your clit harder, the added pressure making you arch your back, your chest pressing onto his. His mouth finds your breasts once more, his tongue eagerly lapping and sucking at your pebbled nipples. "Such beautiful tits, Sugar. It'll get more beautiful when they get bigger and full of milk for my baby."  

He continues to worship your tits for a while, the pleasure that he's pulling from you making you dizzy with want, your pussy clenching onto nothing as he continues to grind against you. "Fuck Joel!" you cry out, your body chasing your orgasm, your chest too sensitive from his ministrations.  

"Tell me what you want, baby. What do you need?"

"I need your cock, daddy. I feel so fucking empty-"

Joel gives your breasts one final suck, the pop echoing throughout the vastness of his room. "I have to make you come first, baby. You're not ready for my cock yet." He slides a finger between your folds, his thumb adding more pressure onto your clit. Joel shifts his body down, pressing kisses down your torso as he makes his way to the waistband of your panties, his fingers hooking into the elastic, pulling them down. He hooks his arms under your thighs, pulling you to the edge of his bed, spreading you wider as you present yourself to him.

"Baby," he groans like he's in pain. He parts your slicked folds with his finger, coating it with your wetness. You jump as he flicks your clit, pinching it for good measure. "I'm beginning to think you're aching for me too, Sugar." You moan deeply, your body thrashing between the sheets, your body begging for more.  

"Don't fucking tease me, Joel," you pant. "I need you-"

He slaps your pussy harshly. "You'll take what I give you, little girl. Do I need to teach you how to be patient? We skipped dinner last night, you gonna deny Daddy of his meal?"

"No, Daddy. Please-"

"Are you gonna be a good little girl and let Daddy take care of you? Let me taste your sweet pussy?" he adds a second finger against your folds, teasing your entrance as you gasp and throw your head back.

"Yes," you plead. "Yes, yes, yes, take what you want-"

You can hardly breathe as Joel tugs your legs over his shoulders, angling your hips. You swear you feel your heart beating through your ears, your entire body feeling like it's on fire. Joel gives you one last smirk as he lowers his face to your cunt.  

You swear you implode the moment his mouth comes in contact with your clit.  

His tongue is lapping at your slick, the tip flicking your aching nub, languidly kissing your slit, taking his time. He's devouring you like he's been starved for years, getting hungrier and more desperate as you swear you can feel the bed shake, his dick grinding down on the mattress. He harshly grabs the globes of your ass cheeks, slipping his tongue at your entrance, your entire body flailing on the bed from overstimulation.  

He reaches for your hand and places it on his head, your fingers threading through his curls. "Hold on to me, Sugar. Don't be gentle," he says against your pussy, groaning as you pull so hard you swear you might just pull it out of his scalp. You begin to rock your hips against his face, the tip of his nose grazing against your clit, the both of you finding a rhythm as you chase your impending orgasm. You're close. So close.

"Come for me, baby. Fucking soak my face-" Joel begs, taking your clit in his teeth. Tears begin to form at the corner of your eyes, your body trembling and shaking and thrashing as he continues to consume you.  

"Joel!" you cry, "It's too much, I can't-" You swear your vision blacks out as you suddenly feel a gush of slick being released out of you, soaking Joel's face and the sheets beneath you. You try to meet his gaze, his pupils blown black, his eyes wide.  

"That's a good fucking girl!" he shouts, lapping you up completely, drinking from your pussy. He suddenly rises to his feet, his hands still gripping your thighs, lifting your ass higher as he lines his cock to your entrance.  

"Are you sure you want this?" he asks, probing the tip at your entrance. "Once I start I won't be able to stop. Is this something you want? I need to hear you say it."

"I want it, Joel. I want you."

"Do you want me to wear a condom?"

You look at him, shaking your head. "I thought you said you wanted to fuck a baby into me. I'm not on anything and you would be my first-"

Joel wraps your thighs around his waist, leaning towards you as he kisses you, long and deep. "I love you, Sugar... and I know you love me," He inches his tip into your entrance slowly, giving you shallow thrusts. "I'll give you everything-" he groans as he slowly fills you to the hilt, stopping his thrusts as he allows you to adjust to his length.  

It's a lot. Too long and too thick and you're gripping onto him, gripping onto him like a vice. You gasp at the intrusion, the pinch so sharp you close your eyes in pain, clutching at Joel, digging your nails harshly against his skin.  

"I need you to relax, Sugar," Joel says, his voice strained. "What do you need? I don't want to hurt you."

You shake your head. "Just... talk to me. Distract me." You take a deep breath. "When did you know? Know that you loved me?"

The corner of his mouth twitches, a small smile on his face as he starts to slowly push in and out of you. "Do you remember the day that you first yelled at me? The day when I was working when it was storming out-"

"The day we had a tornado watch?" you pant, taking another deep breath as he continues to thrust into you, slow and deep. "You were an absolute moron, risking your life for some bullshit deadline my dad held over your head-" you gasp, your hips canting towards as you meet him thrust for thrust. "No amount of money is worth risking your life-"

"I couldn't bear seeing you cry, begging me to come down the roof," he groans, grabbing onto your hip as he thrusts deeper into you. "No one besides my family has shown me such care for my well-being, not even Sarah's mom, forcing me to work hell or high water... fuck.  You feel so fucking good baby, I don't think I can last-" he starts to thrust into you in earnest, the sound of skin hitting skin echoing throughout the room.

It's obscene.

"You practically jumped onto me the moment I came down, gripping onto me like a life raft, fuck... feeling you in my arms, the tears running down your face-" he's pounding into you now, both of his hands gripping onto your hips harshly as he fucks you into the mattress. "I was fucking gone for you, baby," he pants. "I knew I loved you then. Knew I had to make you mine, no matter what it took... Fuck." Joel closes his eyes, throwing his head back as he fucks into you deeper, so deep you can't think straight, your second orgasm building. His chest is heaving as he opens his eyes once more, his face full of love and adoration.  

You never thought you would feel what belonging felt like, what home would feel like.

Seeing him look at you in wonder, like you hung the stars in the sky at night yourself...

You don't realize you're both crying, the tears from Joel's eyes running down his face as he sets a brutal pace, angling your hips higher as he plows into you.  

"I want to give you a family, baby. I want you to stay, forever."

"Then don't let me go, Joel. Don't leave me-" you gasp, your face wrought with tears. "I love you, Joel. So much."

"I won't," he breathes, leaning over you as he kisses you furiously, his hips snapping into you. "You're so close, baby, I can feel you gripping me so tight, I'm going to fill you up so good, give you a fucking baby, keep you in this house I built for you, never letting you leave..." he babbles incoherently. "Come with me, baby. Come with me, please-"

Your body tenses up like a coil, the string keeping your sanity together snapping as you shriek, Joel roaring as you both come, his spend pulsing into deep into you, thick and hot and molten.  

Joel slumps onto you, completely spent. He keeps his cock in you until he softens and slips out, his finger quickly gathering the spend seeping out of you and pushing it in, keeping it safe. He laughs as he falls onto the mattress next to you, pressing small chaste kisses on your face, taking you into his arms.  

"Did you mean it?" he asks softly, his fingers cradling your face. "Did you mean it when you said you loved me?"

You take his hand in yours, threading your fingers through his, offering him a small smile.

"I love you, Joel. So much."

Taglist: @sarcasm-theotherwhitemeat, @gwendibleywrites, @joeldjarin, @brittmb115, @thewiigers,

@auteurdelabre, @quicax3, @casa-boiardi, @amyispxnk, @untamedheart81,

@paleidiot, @bbiophiliaa, @laurrrra, @la-vie-est-une-fleur29 (I apologize if I missed anyone, but if you are looking for any of my fic updates, please feel free to follow my updates blog @chiriwritesstuffnotifs!)

[ashleyfilm]

Seeing Clearly - Chapter 2. Jackson

Please leave comments, I'd love to know your thoughts. And if you feel inclined to reblog, that would be so nice.

Chapter Warnings: cursing, There Will Be Smut, eventually) Minors - DNI

Characters: Jackson!Joel Miller x F!Reader Plus Size. F!OC was recommended to me since there's a lot of description of her but I'm writing her as You (Reader) so hopefully you can still imagine yourself. Black hair, glasses, tattoos, big body, wears dark clothes, won't stop talking. Joel is tv show Jackson Joel.

Story Summary: Joel just saved your life, begrudgingly. He doesn't know exactly why but he brings you back to Jackson and you ingratiate yourself into his very small circle and his life. This takes place after season 1 of TLOU and season 2 doesn't exist in my brain because no.

Chapter Summary: You meet “the miller family” and get your sleeping arrangements. 1K Words.

Chapter 1 Here

Chapter 2. Jackson

Hours later, you approach the giant wooden gates of “Jackson” the community Joel had told you very little about on your journey here. Joel said approximately three sentences to you the entire time and you were so fucking exhausted you stayed quiet too. Surely to his relief. You see guards with rifles at the top of the gate staring you down and some on the other side of the gate as it opens. You look to Joel with fear and confusion in your eyes to which he just nods. What the fuck is all this, are you being walked to your inevitable execution, has this all been a ploy to get you here to use you for public entertainment, gladiator-style. Why did you agree, at least out there you could starve to death in peace.

Once inside the gates, a man with dark black hair, the same shade as yours but without your gray approaches with a charming smile but also a confused look on his face and he speaks with another southern drawl, “Howdy there, honey, you doin’ alright?” Looking between him and Joel, you realize how similar they look and how the younger man seems like the only person around who isn’t terrified of Joel. Who seems like he must be the town boogeyman by the looks on people’s faces with him around. “I’m Tommy, the handsome younger brother of your walking partner, here.” Again, looking at Joel with the mischievous treachery you imagine he did when the two boys were young, and Tommy was trying get under Joel’s skin.

“I’m uh,” you stumble over your words not sure if you should even tell these people your given name, but before you can decide what to say, Joel answers for you. “This is Ash, found her out there starvin’, alone, figured you could help her. Also, saw a clicker out there, took care of it.” You clock that Joel didn’t mention the clicker almost ripped your head off your neck and that he valiantly saved your life. Interesting, what’s his angle, to hold it over your head, make you think you owe him something. But he’s not even looking at you, he's looking down, avoiding you both. Tommy pipes in, “Okay… just out of the goodness of your heart, for me to help, okay, Joel. Well, Ash. Welcome to Jackson.”

He waves an arm out to the side and behind him to gesture to the town. You realize that you hadn’t even taken in your surroundings inside the gates, too overwhelmed by Tommy and Joel and everything you’re learning about this man who saved you. Jackson is a whole ass working fucking town. Lights, wait, LIGHTS? Electricity…is that a dog, like someone’s fucking pet. Oh my god, food, you smell food. Laughing, holy shit, people laughing. People, lots of them, old people, kids? Is that woman fucking pregnant and smiling and walking over here? “Hi, I’m Maria. I see you met my husband, Tommy.” You look at her stomach again, and her smile and her and Tommy’s hands when they entwine them together and your face, you know, is scrunched in confusion bordering on disgust, “I know, it’s overwhelming, take a deep breath, why don’t we get you something to eat,” Maria says calmly looking you over. Tommy let’s out a chuckle at your facial expression and seems to pick up on the fact that you can’t control your face and that it tells your every thought right on the surface. You nod and let them lead you to the dining hall.

-----------------------------------------

You’re seated in a relatively empty dining hall with Maria and Tommy, Joel hanging back by the door like a watch dog or bouncer. Is he protecting the town from you? God, as if you could hurt anyone here, a bit outnumbered. Prick.  You try not to eat like you’re as starved as you are but it’s very difficult. Maria and Tommy smile politely like two leaders that get a lot of enjoyment out of this moment, watching someone eat and relax before their eyes, it’s what they get to provide. It should freak you out but it all just feels so genuine. “JOEL! There you are!” A girl, with a low brown ponytail and a hoodie, who could be described as like Christina Ricci in Now and Then that tapes her boobs down and punches boys for sport, runs up to Joel and hugs him tight. Okay, he has a fucking kid. That hugs him like that and he’s still that big of an asshole? “Hey, hey baby girl,” he says softly petting her hair, “I’m okay, just got caught up in somethin’ out there on my way back but I’m okay, everythin’s okay.”  You can’t tear your eyes away from this absolutely shocking interaction and the girl’s eyes catch you and you quickly go back to eating only to see your plate is empty, so you look back up at Joel and the girl. She slaps his arm as hard as she can, “How long have you been back and why didn’t you come tell me you were here, you dick and who is that woman staring at us?”

You cough, panicked, Maria and Tommy still watching you and sharing knowing smiles like they’re watching a damn play. Joel sternly says, “Ellie. Don’t-.” But she’s already stalking toward you, “Hello there, why don’t you take a picture, it’ll last longer.” And you don’t know what comes over you, but you burst out laughing. Like a full belly laugh, tears in your eyes laughing. Maria and Tommy follow quickly and Ellie, eventually starts up to despite trying to act tough moments earlier. Joel makes his way over frowning at all of you like you’ve lost it. Still giggling, you ask, “How the hell do you know that saying it’s from like 30 years ago. People don’t even have cameras anymore; wait, do you guys have cameras here?” Ellie laughs, “I like you, who are you?” “Hi, I’m Ash,” Joel looks up at you when you use his nickname for you, “Nice to meet you. Your dad saved my life from a clicker and brought me here.” Tommy and Maria look stunned at your admission and all three of them whip their heads around to Joel who just clears his throat, frowns and shakes his head.

“He’s not technically my dad but..cool. Well, I’m glad you’re here and not dead,” Ellie smiles big and turns to Joel, shoulder-checking him. “Look at you, ya old softy, saving lives and bringing in newbies, who woulda thought. I’m heading home, see ya later, old man. See you around, Ash!” As Ellie leaves, Joel and you exchange a look, you can’t read exactly what’s going on in those eyes of his but he’s clearly fighting something, maybe he’s pissed you saw him interact like that, soft and nurturing with his daughter. But it wasn’t your fault, you’re just… there. Still feeling his eyes on you is burning you up from the inside, awakening something you haven’t felt in a long, long time. Something that feels an awful lot like desire.

Tommy walks over to Joel and quietly says something you can’t make out. All you hear is Joel saying “No” and Tommy saying “Please” and then Joel sighing, again. Tommy then turns to speak to you, “Look Ash, we’ve got limited space at the moment, we’re working on clearing some small apartments above the shops on main street for people living alone but it’s a few weeks before that’ll be done. For now, we’d like you to stay in the guest room at Joel and Ellie’s. She’s staying in the garage out back so you’ll be in the main house with Joel till we can get you into a new place.” You immediately look at Joel whose eyes are staring daggers at you and if he wasn’t so fucking hot, you might have been scared, but instead you feel the heat of whatever this is between you right at the apex of your legs. Then, your face betrays you, like it always does and all you can do is smirk, you actually fucking smirk at him, and he turns and walks away so fast you almost have to run to catch up.

[creedslove]

Which one of Pedro boys is more likely to move out of the bedroom, because your little baby is not letting him sleep properly. and because he has a job, he is like "no, I'm not sleeping in the same room as you and the baby."

I'm just crushed a little, because I heard a conversation ar my work among two men, who done this. I can't stop thinking about it since.

Like. Who would leave a bedroom to go sleep in a living room, until baby start sleeping during the night.

Javier P? He has responsible job. He needs to focus and think clearly.

Joel? Drive a car to work, he needs to focus and be precise.

Frankie? If someone suggested to him this as a solution, would he listen to the advice?

Jack? He is an agent, constant danger require clear and rested mind.

Dave? Would he take a pillow and move in his spare bedroom for few weeks?

Tim?! He is detective. 🍓✨

This makes me so sad, I get so upset when I see/hear about men being so insensitive towards their own son. Taking care of babies is exhausting but everyone should help, the couple, it's unfair to do that and so rude too.

That being said, I'm sure NONE of the Pedro boys would do that, because they are all great dads on their own way 🥺😍

So thinking of a situation like the one you mentioned, I believe that:

Javier Peña: he ain't no stranger to lack of sleep at night, he often suffers from it and struggles to get back to sleep once he wakes up, so instead wanting to move to another room, he picks up the baby and walks around the house with him, he's so soft, saying love words to his beautiful baby trying to calm his precious little child, since he can't sleep, he doesn't see why he would prevent you from resting in order to watch the baby

Joel Miller: yeah Joel works A LOT and it's hard work, but he also knows you work a lot by taking care of the baby and he's also been a dad, he knows some nights are easy and some are a nightmare. So he does what's correct: he acts like a real man and helps you take care of the baby; no matter how much their little Miller cries, he's there to help you, or he's there to tell you to go back to bed because he's gonna handle it. And I'm sure he plays the guitar to the baby 🤧🥺

Agent Whiskey: please, we know Jack's favorite hobby is to worship you and treat you like a goddamn queen, especially after you gave him his precious little Daniels baby; you've given him a family and he's given you himself entirely, and he will never let anything or anyone take away his family from him, so he will never leave you alone in the bedroom, that's just not happening at all... The baby's crying? No problem sugar, daddy Daniels is gonna take care of him for you. He checks the baby for a fever, a diaper change, sees if he's hungry and if by then your little cowboy hasn't calmed down, then he just holds the baby. Simple as that, giving him the snuggles until the baby is calmly asleep

Dave York: Dave would never sleep somewhere else, it doesn't matter if he literally kills for a living, inside his house, he's a family man and he will always make sure his family is around him. He thinks he's already too lucky to have a woman who accepts him for all his faults and sins and the moment he starts a family with you, he can't stay way, he needs to be close, to feel that love and remind himself he's part of it, also, he likes to be close in the case of a possible attack, he can defend you as soon as possible. If your baby simply won't stop crying, Dave will pick her up and pace the house, carrying her in his arms and he will possibly wake up on the couch with a baby slept peacefully against his chest

[cowgurrrl]

Too Close

Pairing: rockstar!joel x actress!reader

Author’s note: this isn’t exactly where I wanted it to be but I still like it (ps fic named after this song)

Summary: “Why, get you gone! Who is’t that hinders you?” “A foolish heart, that I leave here behind.” A Midsummer Night’s Dream Act III, Scene II, Lines 318-319 [2.5k]

Warnings: arguing, language, tumultuous co-parent relationships, the l word, allusions to substance abuse, vague depictions of a panic attack, brief description of disassociation, poor sleeping habits, fictional situations of survivor’s guilt/traumatic events, this one’s a doozy y’all

Joel ushers you into his bedroom and quickly closes the door behind him like you two are sneaking around and don't want to get caught. You bite your thumbnail as you think, replaying the brief moment you saw Angela over and over again. He stands there, hands on his hips, and takes a deep breath. You don't know where to start. Two hours ago? Last week? Twenty years ago? Time seems to collapse between the two of you.

"If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me. Not Sarah." He says as if getting pissed at Sarah was even on your radar. 

"I'm not gonna get mad at her. She's a kid," you scoff. The fact that he even had to specify that makes your skin crawl. At what point during your relationship have you made it seem like you would ever be angry with her? "How long have you known?" You ask the million-dollar question, and he sighs, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Sarah reached out to her a couple of months ago, and she responded. I didn't think she'd actually show up."

"How long is a couple of months?" 

"She emailed her before we left for New York." He says, and you have to sit down on the ottoman at the front of his bed to catch your breath. You bury your head in your hands and fight the tears stinging behind your eyes. Your knee bounces with unspent anger and anxiety, and your heart hammers in your chest. 

"So, the entire time I was telling you everything about my past and showing you where I lived and trusting you for the first time, you were in contact with your ex-wife?" You ask, but he doesn't say anything. You look up to stare at him, and he shakes his head.

"I didn't think she'd actually come into town." 

"That doesn't matter, Joel! You should've told me!"

"I didn't know if we were even anythin' before we went to New York, so it didn't feel important." He says like it's your fault, and you raise your eyebrows at him. You walk over to him, fire in your veins and venom choking you as all your frustration spills from you.

"Oh, is that why you fucked me? Because you didn't know and wanted to try something? Wanted to see if I was worth keeping around?" You ask. "Because you seemed to have a pretty good idea of what we were when you stuck your tongue down my throat, so please tell me what revelation you had that made you think you didn't have to tell me you were talking to the woman who left you with a baby."

"I didn't want to ruin our time together."

"Well, it's pretty fucking ruined now, isn't it?" 

"You don't get it!" He raises his voice, and you throw up your hands in defeat as he turns his back to you. You groan and rub your face, looking up at the ceiling in hopes that some sentient being will smite you right then and there.

"Then, explain it to me, Joel." You say, and he shakes his head as he faces you. You think of the young Joel you saw in the picture you saw two weeks ago. The Joel who was a single dad working construction to afford formula for his daughter. The Joel who was in his early twenties and divorced and scorned. The Joel who wrote one of your favorite songs and released it alone, not knowing what his future would hold. That Joel is hard to find when you look at him now.

"She's sober. She has a steady job in Texas. She's finally gettin' back on her feet. I've been tryin' for eighteen years to get her to even pick up the fuckin' phone, and now here she is, and she's better. This could be a chance." 

"A chance for what?"

"For us to be a family or, at least, for Sarah to have a relationship with her." He says, and you nod, biting the inside of your cheek. You’re not family. You’re an outsider, someone to hang around until Mom gets to come back and take what’s hers. You’re not permanent in the grand scheme of his family.

"Do you still love her?" 

"What?"

"Do you still love her?" You repeat slowly. He gives you a look before running his thumb over an invisible ring on his left finger. It might've been a nervous habit, but you saw it. You saw the way he flinched when he felt skin instead of metal.

"I…" he starts. "I will always have love for her. I-"

"Oh, my God." You can't even stand to hear the rest of his sentence. You push your hair out of your face and start pacing.

"She's Sarah's mom!" He yells.

"And she left! She left and didn't give a shit about either of you, Joel! And now that you're famous and have money, she suddenly checks her inbox?!"

"You don't know what you're talkin' about." 

"Apparently, I don't know a lot," you say. He softens momentarily as the words hang in the air, and you shrug. You furiously wipe at your eyes as unauthorized tears roll down your cheeks. "I trusted you. I let you into my life. I told my fucking parents about you. Do you know how hard that was for me? Do you know how many years I spent protecting myself from this exact situation? But I trusted you not to do that. I," your voice catches in your throat, and Joel rushes over to put his hands on your arms. You know he's trying to rub his hands up and down your skin to soothe you, but you push him away, stumbling back from his touch. "I don't know where to go from here. I don’t know if there’s even anywhere for us to go after this.”

"We can work through this. We just needa talk bout it and figure somethings out, but we can move forward."

"No, we can't." You cry, and he gives you a confused look.

"Honey, look at me. Yes, we can."

"The contract is ending early. Apparently, your team is fucking ecstatic with how things are going and decided you don't need me anymore. That's what Melanie came to tell me before I fired her," you laugh, wiping your nose on your sleeve and letting out a sharp exhale. "I should've fired her a long time ago, but I did it today because she said I shouldn't be with you. It was my last straw, and I thought that not having any auditions or work lined up would be okay because this morning, I believed in us so hard that I was willing to endure that. I let myself make the stupid choice to be happy for once because I-" You cut yourself off. You can't even bear to think the words, let alone say them out loud. Joel stares at you with big watery eyes, but you can't find it in yourself to feel sorry enough for him to comfort him.

"I have to go. I can't be here right now."

"Please, just wait," he begs, and you shake your head, pulling your jacket closer to your body. He might've tried to say more, but you don't wait to hear it. You fly down the stairs, hiding your tears from the girls, and leave the house. You don't slam the door or throw one last comment Joel's way. You're sane enough to know not to put children in the crossfire of anything, let alone relationship problems.

Once you're at the curb outside of Joel's house, you let out a loud sob. Your hands shake as you pull your phone out of your pocket and hit the first number on speed dial. Ryan picks up on the third ring. The second he says your name, more tears fall down your face, and you feel like you can't breathe.

"What's going on?" He asks urgently, and you hiccup.

"Can you come get me, please? I don't... I can't go home. I don't want, fuck," you press your palm to your scorching forehead and try to force yourself to think. "I really need you."

"Stay where you are. I'm getting in the car now. Where are you?"

Ryan and Carolina hold your hands, rub your back, and offer you tissues as you tell them everything. The contract, the fake dates, the phone calls from Texas, New York, the girls, Melanie, Angela. Everything. They don't yell at you for lying about your relationship or blame you for what went down with Melanie. They just offer soft assurances that you're okay, and they love you. You cry through most of it, and they take turns holding you while you three sit at the dining room table.

You don't remember the last time you've cried this hard about anything. It feels like there's a gashing hole in your soul, and you're desperately trying to keep everything together so you don't lose it. And you want to blame it all on Joel because that would be easy—convenient. But you think that maybe this hole in you has always been there, and you've slowly been losing pieces of yourself without even realizing it. 

You think Melanie took a lot of it, pawning your shiniest pieces for brand new Range Rovers and Birkin’s. You think you left a bit here and there every time a director pushed you too hard, and you sat in your trailer for hours, staring at the wall and wondering how you could feel so disconnected from your own body. And you think that more was taken in every unwanted picture taken of you, in every headline talking about your appearance or lack of a partner, in every interview question that had nothing to do with your work as a trained actor. You want to go around Los Angeles with invoices, demanding that people give you back to yourself because how dare they take those pieces. You want to gather them in a box and try to fit them together again like a puzzle with bent and missing connections. You want your fucking life back, but it’s not yours anymore. It’s theirs. Maybe it always was.

"I'm so stupid," you whisper as you stare at your hands. Carolina wraps her arms around your shoulders and presses her cheek to yours, the smell of her floral perfume and Elizabeth's baby lotion surrounding you.

"You're not stupid. Not by a long shot, okay?" 

"God, why does this hurt so much? I feel like I'm dying."

"Because you love him," she says, like she didn't just destroy your world. You clench your jaw and try to stop yourself from crying more, but her soothing presence around you is enough for you to break. "You love him, and he loves you, and it's not enough to change anything."

"That's dismal." You try to laugh as you wipe at your eyes, and she nods. Ryan reaches across the table for your hand and holds it like it's fragile china.

"It's awful, and I wish I could take this pain from you. But, I swear to you, one day, you won't hurt like this. One day, you're gonna sing and dance again. You're gonna smile and laugh and make jokes again. You're gonna make beautiful art and fall in love with the way leaves fall, and you're gonna be okay." 

"How do you know?" You ask.

"Because I know you." 

Because I know you. Those four words scare you and make you grapple with the terrifying reality that they've seen the rotted parts inside you and still chose to love you. They remind you of how much you love them. They remind you of how much you love Joel, and it doesn't even matter because it will always end this way. It will always end this way, but it matters that the love was there. You wonder if it always will be. You wonder if one day you'll hear his song on the radio and be able to sing along. You wonder if he'll be able to see your movies. You wonder if supporting each other from afar is enough and decide that it has to be. There is no other choice. It will always end this way.

Carolina and Ryan let you sleep in the guest bedroom down the hall from them. The one that's always ready for you when you need it. The one with a pile of borrowed clothes with your name on it and the one with the soft sheets and extra quilts. You lay in the dark, your head throbbing with the weight of your tears, and you should be sleeping, but you're not. You're running through every single moment with Joel like you can will things to change. He fucked up. You both did. There are a million things you would change or take back, but Jesus Christ, were you happy. 

You shake the tears out of your eyes and reach for your phone, ready to mindlessly scroll through social media until you feel the tiniest bit better. However, your email inbox flashes with an unopened message before you can get to Instagram. You furrow your brows and open the app to see an email from Melanie. You open it out of habit and almost immediately sit up in bed.

From: Melanie Lundquist

Subject Line: Opportunity

Pike's assistant reached out since I'm your last manager on record. The role's written specifically for you, so it's yours, without a doubt. Don't say I never did anything for you.

-Mel

Attachment: THE_BEGINNING_OF_THE_END_R.PIKE

Richard Pike wrote you a role. An Oscar-winning producer wrote you a role. You immediately open the document and begin reading. You really should be asleep, especially after the day you've had with reshoots, but you can't stop devouring the words. It's about a young woman dealing with the survivor's guilt of living through a terrorist attack, mental health, and substance abuse issues. She's angry, sad, and hard to love at times, but she's also so fucking funny and caring. She's dynamic and heartbreaking and raw. She's everything you've ever wanted in a role. 

You stay up reading and crying over her story, feeling her pain so deep in your heart that it hurts. When you get to the end of the script, the sun is slowly rising, and you're almost certain that you'll die of dehydration, but you don't care. You find Pike's assistant's email address and tell her you need this role. Surprisingly, she writes back not even ten minutes later despite it being almost six in the morning.

Happy to hear it. Mr. Pike will produce the movie, but Mrs. Liliah Hanover will be directing and working with you directly. I will pass the message along to her team. Shooting begins at the beginning of next month in Ireland. The expected film time is six-twelve months, and housing will be provided upon arrival. Are you still interested?

For some reason, you type back a single, enthusiastic "yes!" before locking your phone and falling asleep for fifteen hours.

[z00oo1]

Joel Miller Recs

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She’s a Gun @cowgurrrl

Somebody didn’t give the new guy a heads up about talking about Joel Miller’s family

Big Fan Big Fan II @atinylittlepain

Joel is smitten. But he's having a hard time figuring out when she's being real and when she's just acting.

Feeling You @peterparkersnose

Y/N confesses something to Joel she shouldn’t have when she saw him awake for the first time in weeks after his accident

Unexpected Expecting @atinylittlepain

Joel Miller x pregnant!f!reader

From Love and Life @bubbles-for-all-of-us

you're heavily pregnant but your medical assistant is needed in a close by town. 

We Bleed Together @bubbles-for-all-of-us

What if instead of loosing Sarah, Joel lost you - the mother of his two children and the person who had built him up to a better man.

If the door was open series @heartpascal

months of travelling with joel and ellie come crashing down on you, the fear is suffocating.

Something is rotten @heartpascal

arriving in jackson brings painful feelings, and even worse conversations.

All my faith @heartpascal

Joel finding a little girl after the outbreak (before Ellie),

to do the right thing @pedgeitopascal

When you find out that you’re pregnant, getting rid of it seems to be the only option you have but when it doesn't go as planned, you think of another solution.

oneshot @firsttimewriter92

Joel's time being taken up by another woman

Survive @alloftheimagines

Ellie stays back to keep an eye on Joel so reader gets kidnapped

pieces of our path @atinylittlepain

Joel request please!Reader collects keychains from the different states/places she travels

i’m yours baby @youlightmeupfinn

you can't help but feel inferior when two women throw themselves at joel upon you moving to jackson.

I never stopped loving you I never stopped loving you II @musings-of-a-rose

The disciple @floralsandthesauce

y/n and Ellie have been taken by David and his loyal company.

Man I hate Golf @j0elmill3r

Oneshot @forever-rogue

reader gets hurt protecting Ellie

Needle and thread @uhlunaro

You picked on someone twice your size, and Joel begrudgingly patches you up.

The cure @alloftheimaginess

reader swaps places with Ellie and reader is the one Joel rescues.

Your Bear Your Bear II @rrickgrrimes8

Joel Miller doesn’t just lose Sarah that night but his other daughter too

Oneshot @secondsistershelby

Healing You @astrid-sorensen

A long 12 years after Sarah’s death, Joel can’t seem to open up to you again. But you’re never gonna stop trying.

Code Red @softlyspector

Joel finds out that its the reader's turn to go on patrol. And he is not okay

Settled @softlyspector

Joel and Ellie are finally mostly settled in Jackson. Joel just wants to take care of you, but you find it hard to let some things go.

Too Late @alloftheimagines

in which joel makes the decision to stay in jackson out of fear,

Oneshot @forever-rogue

Joel teaching reader how to swim

Slice of Paradise @bubbles-for-all-of-us

Joel dream of having a farmhouse comes true.

Butterfly @bubbles-for-all-of-us

When Joel thinks that his life is over his little butterfly sends him a new reason to stay alive.

Darling Don’t You Cry @pagesfromthevoid

In an Instant @mishasminion360

Happy birthday, Joel Miller.

Clouded Judgement @bluebeary-jay

it was a long time since Joel had felt a maddening rage

Apothecary @atinylittlepain

joel becomes curious about the woman running the medicine shop

Secret Garden @hevstlouera

As you were well aware, your parents work was something you should never be involved in

White Lies @poeticbarnes

Joel would do anything for you. He does anything for you. And he makes sure you don't know a thing.

Old Soul @softlyspector

You're never quite sure of your place in Joel's life. Everyone else seems to know exactly what it is.

Don't Let Me Drown @alloftheimagines

in which the reader falls into the river of death, and it's joel's job to save you and find shelter.

No Time To Die @davosmymaster

With your life now hanging by a thread, Joel is determined to get you to safety, but the clock is ticking faster than he can run.

Don't Let Me Drown @alloftheimagines

in which the reader falls into the river of death, and it's joel's job to save you and find shelter

Old Soul @softlyspector

You're never quite sure of your place in Joel's life. Everyone else seems to know exactly what it is.

White Lies @poeticbarnes

Joel would do anything for you. He does anything for you. And he makes sure you don't know a thing.

Untitled @forever-rogue

Protective!Joel

A Long Time Coming @criminalamnesia

You go on patrol with Joel, unknowingly sealing your fate.

All Yours @punkshort

Tommy and Maria want to meet a group from another community to establish a trading relationship. One man comes onto you a little too strong, sparking a reaction from Joel.

Edge Of Darkness @hyzer34

After being placed in a tiny apartment for 5 months with a man who rarely talks. you both decide to leave the QZ.

Wattpad

Cowboy Like Me by JOELM1LLER

Till Death Do We Part by Bloodlvstflims

A husband and wife find themselves in a unique situation when a fungal virus infects the city surrounding them, where they're forced to make tough choices for the sake of living.

Ao3

Like Knives by Aerith123

Joel and Ellie come across an unlikely ally

Surrender by Ezrasbirdie

Weeks after the events in Kansas City, Joel and Ellie stumble across a woman lost in the Nebraska wilderness. With her knack for foraging and unending patience for Ellie's ceaseless questions, Daisy quickly becomes an asset on their journey.

Crack Shot by TomeOfTheForgotten

You must choose to leave behind the safety of Lincoln to bring Ellie to the terrorist group you swore you would never seek out again. It's been years since your last smuggling run, but you always were the best sniper the Fireflies ever had. With Joel at your side, you're ready for anything the open road could throw at you.

[anpanbun]

There's Nothing In The Water

"How long has he been fishing for?"

They ask her of the man on the dock. They see him out there before the sun has crested over the mountain. They see him out there long after the sun has slipped below the waves.

"Since I was young. Sometimes it feels like that's all he's ever done."

They laugh off her replies, just an exaggeration by a young woman. Unseeing her long looks off towards the fisherman, an unnamable emotion in her gaze.

They always leave. Satisfied with her spiel about the historic buildings and the still functioning lighthouse of the town, and of the hospitality of the residents during their visit.

No one stays. It has been a long time since someone stayed. Joel was the last. Joel and his lovely wife. He stays, she does not. She comes when the snow clears and leaves as it rolls down from the mountain and fog creeps in from the sea.

When did Lizzie last visit? Gem can't recall.

----

She sleeps on the sea. The boat rocking gently beneath her feet is an unchanging comfort.

She ignores the persistent scratching along the outer hull.

In the morning, she paints over the fresh gouges.

----

The only time he stops fishing is when the Man From Out of Town arrives.

"Mumbo." He insists.

The Man comes and goes as he pleases. Regardless of the snow and fog.

They make an odd sight, the fisherman in his grubby waders with his rod set aside and the Man in his posh but old fashioned black suit sitting together on a rickety old wharf.

She looks out towards the sea.

When she looks back the Man is gone and the fisherman has his line cast again.

----

From up on the lighthouse she can see further into the forest.

She can see False.

She's down at the edge of the forest by the time False breaks through the tree line.

"Anything new?"

False studies the historical settlements within the forest. There hasn't been anything new there in a long time.

She doesn't know why False looks, they both know what happened to those places.

"No."

----

Cleo catches her on the path to the lighthouse.

"Can you help me put up the signs?"

The snow is clearing, soon the people will come.

Please do not drink the tap water.

She takes down the old notices and pins the new identical ones in their place on each door.

She sets the old notices on reception desk.

"I don't get why we have to do this everytime."

They sigh.

"The guests always say it tastes bad. Fresh signs draw attention which means I get less complaints."

She takes a long drink from the tap that night.

"I don't get why they complain. There's nothing in the water."

----

The snow coming is back.

The last of the tourists have fled before the only pass out snows over.

She hears shouting from Joel's store.

It's Lizzie.

It takes her a moment to place Joel's wife.

Through the glass store front she can see Lizzie's hair is streaked with gray now.

"Lizzie, you need to leave!"

"Joel, give me the water! I need the water!"

"Lizzie, please!"

"You don't understand, I barely found my way back Joel! If I leave now I don't know if I can again!"

"Well its better than being stuck here like me!"

She makes it to the door in time to see Lizzie lunge for the glass pitcher Joel keeps behind the register.

She gulps down the water with a feverish desperation around Joel's frantically grabbing hands and her own gagging.

The first snowflake falls to Gem's shoulder as Lizzie collapses, choking on the blood spilling from her mouth.

[ohraicodoll]

Ok LOVE the tommy and red hcs, I need to know how maria and Joel reacted when they found out tommy punched an asshole??

Tommy Miller was not scared of his wife.

But he was fully aware that she might not be the most rational in her current condition. So when he pulled up to his house after leaving Joel and Red's place, he'll admit he hesitated when he saw her standing in their doorway with her hands on her hips. He opened his mouth to speak and she held up a finger, mouth pressed together sternly. "Inside," she bit out before turning on her heel. He wondered when being around Red had become the safer option, but swallowed his grimace and walked into their home. The whiskey Joel had given him had made him looser, more warm, and he tried to blame that on the sweat across his brow. When he gave his brother the run down of what had happened at the wood mill, he could see the surprise in his eyes. That Tommy had actually defended the woman and what that meant. Miller boys were known to be protective and it was just as clear as spelling out that Tommy considered her one of theirs. Red had been quiet but not unnervingly so, rolling her eyes at their jokes. Despite Joel being unhappy about what had happened (threatening that if he knew who did it, he was going to make due on Tommy's threat), the man was more pleased. Red was safe, the assholes got what was coming, and Tommy had protected the family. Drinks all around.

The air was still warm, windows slightly cracked to let in a breeze and Tommy wanted nothing more than to lay on the couch and sink into the fuzzy feeling from the alcohol. It felt all in all like a nice, pleasant day if it wasn't for the lighting coming off his wife and his hand starting to sting like a bitch.

Tommy followed Maria to the kitchen and chewed on the corner of his lip, shuffling in place in the silence. She only turned to the freezer and got out an icepack before shoving him into a chair none too gracefully, "You wanna tell me why the hell I had four different people tell me you socked one of the guys down at the mill?"

"Honey-" Maria held up her finger again and Tommy swallowed his platitudes as she aggressively put the icepack on his sore hand, "Don't you try that, Tommy Miller. First I have to worry about Red then Joel and now you're out here hitting people too?" "Those men were being aggressive and harassing her," he spoke up with frustration, "They needed to be told to back off." "Told, Tommy," she interrupted him, "the key word is told. Your fists weren't saying anything." "Well they certainly listened afterwards," he grumbled. She sighed, closing her eyes to take a deep breath, "You can't go punching people, baby. It doesn't look good and it doesn't help when she's involved-" Tommy scoffed, which probably wasn't the greatest move but he wasn't exactly known for being smart, "If it was Ellie or you, I would have done the same thing. She's family, honey. Like it or not. We gotta protect our own and those guys weren't gonna listen to reason-" "And you know that how?" She cocked her hip out with a raised brow, pursed lips, "Did they say that right before you sucker punched them?" "I know the type," he argued. He did. He'd seen it at the bars years before. Hands grabbing at waitress' waists, their hands, pulling and grabbing and their comments. Someone needed to teach them a lesson. Maria sighed, "You Millers and your thick heads." She couldn't help but shake her head and he thanked god for pregnancy mood swings for once. He could see the anger leaving her body completely and he gave her a grin, rubbing his hand on her belly and pulling her close, laughing when the grin became contagious. He had no doubt she'd bring this up later when the mood swung again. But he was in the clear for now and if he kept charming her, maybe she'd see his reasoning. "They're on probation, just so you know," she muttered, letting herself get pulled into the circle of his arms, "We could have just tossed them in the jail for the rest of the day. No more punching people or else I'm gonna throw you in there too. God help me if this baby ends up with all the Miller genes." Tommy grinned, "Yes, ma'am." At least the baby would have a hell of a family watching their back.

[lxdyred]

New people in town | Ch. 2 Sneak Peek

Chapter 1 - New people in town // Chapter 2 - How to disappear

Joel Miller x Ex-lover!Reader (She/her), OC!May Miller x Mom!Reader, Tommy Miller x Reader (Platonic af)

Summary: In which a girl discovers how the new man in town — who was accompanied by another teenage girl — and her mother were closely and intimately related once, and how almost two decades after they last saw each other, their reunion could possibly turn their worlds upside down.

New people in town playlist ✨

A/N: English is not my maternal language, Spanish is, so I will take advantage of that in the future lmao. Also if you see any grammatical error, please let me know!

Tag list: Open!

Feedback is appreciated! ❤️

"Joel- I... Joel." Red whispered, taking a step towards Joel, who was looking intently at them, but now mostly at his daughter. "You're here." He whispered. May clung to her mother's arm, just like when she was little.

"You're alive." Joel said in a stern, distant tone.

"You doubted I was?" His words hurt her deep down.

The doubt offended.

"Considering you left suddenly and I haven't heard from you in almost two fucking decades? Yes. If you're offended that I left you for dead, that's not my problem."

"I did what I had to do for my own good, Joel." Frowned the woman.

"Don't give me that. Not now." The man with the last name Miller mumbled. "You left to have a kid — my kid, I assume — out on your own? Are you out of your fucking mind?"

"We were nothing, not even friends. We were just using each other to warm each other's beds!"

"And that's a reason to leave without warning?"

"I left you a letter, where I explained everything."

"A letter." Joel mumbled with a certain tone of disdain, which was accompanied by a small cynical chuckle. "A very mature, not at all pusillanimous way for you to disappear overnight. Just like that."

"Fuck you, Joel."

"That part you did 20 years ago, darling. But yeah - whatever you say! That doesn't take away from the fact that you're a fucking quitter!" Joel exclaimed as he stepped forward, approaching both women.

May was quick to jump up and stand in front of her father, interacting with him for the first time, defiant, motivated to protect her mother. "Shut the fuck up, asshole! You disrespect my mother like that again and I swear to God I'll knock your teeth out."

Joel was momentarily stunned to hear the teenage girl say those words to him, without hesitation, without any fear whatsoever. It really surprised him that his first interaction with his daughter was like that. A small part of him blamed himself for it, for the situation had gotten a little out of control. Still, he quickly pulled himself together and turned his attention to his ex-lover.

"I didn't owe you anything! Not a single explanation, still I left you a letter doing so. But yeah, I do not owe you shit! Not before, and certainly not now, do you hear me?" Red exclaimed between her teeth and with tears in her eyes, pointing a finger at Joel. She felt powerless, hurt and very angry.

"You owe me one. She has a first and last name, and she’s right now, standing and breathing, between you and I."

"I insist. I owe you nothing."

[saucy-mesothelioma]

Just a list of some of my favorite quotes. I tried to sort them at least a bit but eh.

Funny Quotes:

• "If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now." - Zaphod Beeblebrox, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

• "The way it [Pizza Hut pizza slice] dances is insulting." -Charles White

• "You know what they say, when fate closes a door, luck opens a window. And karma deactivates the alarm system." -Sam, Poker Night 2

• "We're only at the top of the food chain because sharks don't have good guns yet. They're workin' on 'em tho." -Sorrow TV

• "Behind every great man, there's a woman with a vibrator." -Hawkeye Pierce, M*A*S*H

• "I'm not suicidal, I just wish I was never born." -Adrian Monk, Monk

• "We just cut up our girlfriend with a chainsaw...Does that sound fine?" -Ash Williams, Evil Dead 2

• "Hi Kevin can you maybe consider finding a hobby or possibly even a friend" -Poptarts

• "I live in a flat for divorcees where they make you pay six months up front in cause you hang yourself." -Gregory, The Outlaws

• "Mousetrap. I wanted to play Mousetrap. You roll your dice, you move your mice. Nobody gets hurt." -Bob the Tomato, VeggieTales

• "Yeah, it's a death trap. But it's a really powerful death trap. What, you suddenly care about safety now?" -Slate, Outer Wilds

• "How insecure do you think I am? Seriously, how insecure do you think I am. I need you to tell me. Will you please tell me?" -Shawn Spencer, Psych

"Oh, get over it. I shot ONE baby. And, in fairness, it was being a dick." -Handsome Jack, Borderlands 2

"We protest you calling us 'little kids'. We prefer to be called 'vertically-impaired pre-adults'." -Yakko Warner, Animainiacs

"If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring. Apple could put the entire text of 'Mein Kampf' inside the iTunes user agreement, and you’d just go agree, agree, agree – what? – agree, agree." -John Oliver

• "Always get a contract when working with a dark, omnipotent power." -Joel Robinson, Mystery Science Theater 3000

• "Why does he have to kill them to prove his point? Can't he just show them a pie chart or something?" -Tom Servo, Mystery Science Theater 3000

• "No, no they're not eating people anymore, because we made it illegal." -Wendigoon

• "I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by." -Douglas Adams

• "Girls were falling all over me in school, and not just because I would extend my leg when they walked by." -Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events

• "If God were edible, not that I'm Catholic, but if it was cool to eat God, he'd be a chicken finger." -Troy Barnes, Community

• "I'm like the fun dad that comes and brings you a bike but doesn't pay child support" -Chris Tergliafera

• "The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

• "You can run, but death runs slightly faster." -Flamingo

• "Studies show keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That's why I have ten guns for if some maniac tries to sneak a ladder in here." -Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls

•"Well believe me, Mike, I calculated the odds of this succeeding versus the odds I was doing something incredibly stupid... and I went ahead anyway." -Crow, Mystery Science Theater 3000

Quotes on Life:

• "If we don't go crazy once in a while, we'll all go crazy." -Hawkeye Pierce, M*A*S*H

• "Remember what the good book says: Love thy neighbor, or I'll punch your lights out!" -Father John Mulcahy, M*A*S*H

• "It is difficult, when faced with a situation you cannot control, to admit you can do nothing." -Lemony Snicket

•"All my life, I have been happiest when the folks watching me said to each other, 'Look at the poor dope, will ya?'." -Buster Keaton

• "At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey." -Lemony Snicket

• "Honest to god-or whoever's in charge-you are not alone." -Harlan Ellison

• "You are not entitled to your opinion, you are entitled to your informed opinion. If you are not informed on the subject, then your opinion counts for nothing." -Harlan Ellison

• "If one has no sense of humor, one is in trouble." -Betty White

• "As a child, I considered such unknowns sinister. Now, though, I understand they bear no ill will. The universe is, and we are." -Solanum, Outer Wilds

• "While skepticism is healthy, cynicism, real cynicism, is toxic." -John Oliver

•"You can wish your life away. But if you're going to dream, you're going to have to get out and, like I always say, you have to put some wings on them dreams, and some feet and fingers and some hands. They gotta get into some stuff. You can't just sit around and think of all the things you want to do. You've got to think of what you want to do, and then you've got to get out and make that happen." -Dolly Parton

• "Be yourself. No one can say you're doing it wrong." -Charles Schulz

• "It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things." -Lemony Snicket

•"If you know someone whos depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn't a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather." -Stephen Fry

• "When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them." -Lemony Snicket

• "Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life." -Dolly Parton

• "Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily." -Lemony Snicket

• "Don’t try to be young. Just open your mind. Stay interested in stuff. There are so many things I won’t live long enough to find out about, but I’m still curious about them." -Betty White

• "I know that pain is the most important thing in the universes. Greater than survival, greater than love, greater even than the beauty it brings about. For without pain, there can be no pleasure. Without sadness, there can be no happiness. Without misery there can be no beauty. And without these, life is endless, hopeless, doomed and damned. Adult. You have become adult." -Harlan Ellison

• "I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone." -Robin Williams

•"Find out who you are. And do it on purpose." -Dolly Parton

• "Like a wind crying endlessly through the universe, time carries away the names and the deeds of conquerors and commoners alike. And all that we were, all that remains, is in the memories of those who cared we came this way for a brief moment." -Harlan Ellison

• "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." -Gandalf, The Fellowship of the Ring

• "Not all those who wander are lost." -Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

• "Please, don't worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular." -Robin Williams

• "I think I've discovered the secret of life -- you just hang around until you get used to it." -Sally Brown, Peanuts

• "It’s [old age] not a surprise, we knew it was coming – make the most of it. So you may not be as fast on your feet, and the image in your mirror may be a little disappointing, but if you are still functioning and not in pain, gratitude should be the name of the game." -Betty White

• "Don't be scared of dying, be more frightened that you haven't finished living." -Dick Van Dyke

• "In lieu of even as you’re waiting for a major change that you think might not come, incremental change is possible and valuable." -John Oliver

• "You can lie to anyone in the world and even get away with it, perhaps, but when you are alone and look into your own eyes in the mirror, you can’t sidestep the truth. Always be sure you can meet those eyes directly." -Betty White

Quotes that go Hard:

• "In death, there are no accidents, no coincidences, no mishaps, and no escapes." -Bludworth, Final Destination

• "War isn't hell. War is war and hell is hell, and of the two war is worse!" - Hawkeye Pierce, M*A*S*H

• "I'm sorry, if you were right, l'd agree with you." -Robin Williams

• “To linger on an ending is to rob it of its life.” -The Shifting Mound, Slay the Princess

• "There is only me. There is only my way. There is only the forest. And there is only surrender." -The Beast, Over the Garden Wall

• "Life is cruel. Why should the afterlife be any different?" -Davy Jones, Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest

• "When belief in a god dies, the god dies." -Harlan Ellison

• "There are few things more terrifying than one's own heart, and there is almost nothing more terrifying than sharing it with another. But most terrifying of all is leaving one's heart unshared." -The Moment of Clarity, Slay the Princess

• "I don't mind you thinking I'm stupid, but don't talk to me like I'm stupid." -Harlan Ellison

• "In all of mankind's history, there has never been more damage done than by people who thought they were doing the right thing." -Lucy van Pelt, Peanuts

• "I bet we were fun." -Gamora, Guardians of the Galaxy 3

• "A thousand staring morsels stood, and not one of them believed themselves sane to look upon it. And in the centre, the door that would open to all the places that were never there, was me." -Michael, The Magnus Archives

"Ain't that just the way." -Greg, Over the Garden Wall

• "The pain of your absence is sharp and haunting, and I would give anything not to know it; anything but never knowing you at all (which would be worse)." -Plume, Outer Wilds

"Only things that one could imagine happening to real people, I guess, remain in a person's memory." -Buster Keaton

• "Look, I've got a gun out there in my purse. And up to now, I've been forgiving and forgetting because of the way I was brought up. But I'll tell you one thing: If you ever say another word about me or make another indecent proposal, I'm gonna get that gun of mine... And I'm gonna change you from a rooster to a hen with one shot!" -Doralee Rhodes, 9 to 5

• "You're only given a spark of madness. You musn't lose it." -Robin Williams

• "All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed. For after all, he was only human. He wasn't a dog." -Charles Schulz

•"...How beautiful. It’s different than I’d envisioned. Whatever happens next, I do not think it is to be feared." -The Prisoner, Outer Wilds: Echoes of the Eye

[thebigsl33p]

Canary In A Coal Mine

Chapter Two: Black Air, and Black Black Lungs

Summary: Y/N fully becomes acquainted with the two strangers: the woman who doesn't say much and the man who broods.

Previous Chapter

Series Masterlist AO3

It hits her, as Marlene says the words, that she’s seen this man before. She’s not surprised by this, the Boston QZ is a small one (compared to some others) and just about everything is circular here. She wouldn’t call it tight-knit and she wouldn’t call it a community but there’s certainly a sense of familiarity despite how everyone is only out for themselves. 

With the remembrance that she knows Joel comes the smell of fire, thick black smoke which stings the eyes and blocks the airways. And then the smell of flesh, burning flesh. It’s mixed in with the smoke, and it hangs in the air. There are bodies in the fire. 

She knows Joel from “cleaning” duty. Trucks upon trucks of the dead infected, piles of bodies of all sizes and ages. And then workers with a cloth over their mouths in a weak attempt to block out the smell of fire and burning meat. 

Corpse Disposal was not a job Y/N liked to do but rather a job she had to. There was a brief period when she was running too low on ration cards and so she did what she had to do and took the job. It was disgusting work, most of the bodies being young children or old people. 

But he was there, across the fire pit, silently conversing with an old lady. There was one more body left in the truck, a young boy which the old woman seemed to struggle with. So Joel took it. And Y/N remembers watching him, from across the street, pick up the body and throw it in. and she remembers his eyes, the absolute lack of pity, guilt, or remorse.

But now he was standing in front of her, and Ellie, with the same stone-like expression, and with an answer to Marlene’s ideas, “The hell we are!” 

And at the same time, Ellie seemed to hold a strong protest too, “I’m not goin’ with them!” 

Kim, from Marlene’s side, turned to look at her, “Let me take her.” Marlene paid no mind to Kim, more focused on Joel and the woman next to him.

“Tess,” He grimaced, “We don’t have time for this.” He was alert, eyes flicking slightly from the windows to the doors.

Marlene laughed bitterly, “Oh, you don’t have time?” 

“Who is she?”

“To you… she’s cargo.” 

“We don’t smuggle people. Sorry.” 

And suddenly, interrupting the conversation between Marlene, Joel and Tess, Kim spoke up, repeating once again, “I can do it.” 

Sharply, Marlene turned on her, “Kim, you don’t have an ear on your fucking head! Could you please?!” She paused, looking down at herself now to examine the blood slowing now, congealing around her shirt and skin, “There’s a team of fireflies waiting for her at the old State House.” That alone earned a scoff from Joel, “I know what’s out there. We were going with an entire squadron for that very reason.,,”

“But now I don’t have a truck, I don’t have a squadron. F.E.D.R.A’s five minutes away, and what I do have is you. And I know what you’re both capable of.”

Y/N, slightly alarmed by the sudden proposition and still on the floor with Ellie, looked up at Marlene, “What are they capable of?” 

Marlene ignored her, and continued on with her proposition. She spoke promises of fuelled trucks, guns, food and medicine. And then finally she said, “I swear……I swear.”

They all watched as Joel turned to Tess and spoke in hushed voices, mulling the decision over. From the look on their faces, it was hard. Yes, they could risk their lives for a girl they didn’t even know, and some supplies or they could… or they could what? Rot away under an abusive government in a failing QZ. Okay, point taken. 

Finally, with a harsh reminder from Marlene that she was bleeding out, they came to a decision. “Okay,” Joel turned, “Here’s the deal. We’ll get her to your crew at the State House. But before we hand her over, they give us everything we want. If not, we kill her, there and then.” The man might’ve pointed a gun at Y/N, but she had to admire his ability to make the most out of a deal. 

“Deal.” Marlene didn’t hesitate, much to Ellie’s dismay which earned a “Really? That fast?” 

Marlene had to assure her that she was all the matters, that her life would not be jeopardised, and then to go and get her backpack. The girl complied, allowing Y/N to stand up as she ran to where she’d left it in the hall. That finally brought Joel’s attention to Y/N. 

“She wasn’t part of the deal.” He says, not even looking at her.

“She,” Marlene said, “Can handle herself. And she goes with you under demand of the girl. If she dies, it’s on us, on me. But if Ellie dies, it’s on you, Joel. So please, Joel…don’t fuck this up.”

-

Joel and Tess take them in the direction of their apartment when Y/N stops them and asks to pick up some supplies from hers. \she tells them she has knives stashed under her floorboard and a few medical supplies in her cupboard. With a brief glance towards each other, and a few questions on how far it is, they agree, and the slight detour begins. It really isn’t far and her home is only on the second floor so it doesn’t take long for her to dig the knives out from under the floorboard and the medical supplies from the cabinet. 

She stashes them all into a backpack, Tess and Joel standing over her as Ellie fishes around for other potentially useful objects. She can see Joel getting a bit anxious and makes to finish up fast, finally zipping up the bag and standing up. “Okay,” she says, nodding at Ellie to stop, “let’s go.”

She’s the last one out of the apartment. She turns off all the lights, and locks all of the locks on her door, knowing that there’s a very large chance she won’t ever see that room again.

_

“Woah, this is your home?!” Ellie laughed in the doorway, Y/N behind her.

“Yeah, Punk, go on in. Make yourself at home,” She watched as Ellie haphazardly stepped in, and then grinned before throwing herself on the sofa, head first and feet in the air, “Woah!” 

Y/n grinned stepping behind her kitchen counter, “You want a drink?”

Ellie sat up sharply, “Yes please.” 

She watched as Y/N took out two cups and poured water into them, something that would become a ritual. She walked around, handed one to Ellie and then said, “Scooch up,” before sitting in the space the girl had made for her.

“You have a really good home.” Elie lopsidedly grinned.

“It ain’t much, but, well… you’re welcome whenever you want, Punk.” 

-

The moment they arrived at Tess and Joel’s place, Ellie began to look around. The girl was curious… perhaps nosey… what could she say? But at that moment she was sifting through a thick magazine before a slip of paper fell out. She pushed it in Y/N’s direction, quietly whispering about what it could mean and the numbers… 60s, 70s and 80s. The second Joel and Tess’ conversation was over Ellie whipped her head around as Tess left to grab some stuff, telling Joel to watch over the two of them and leaving him alone.

The room that they’d been placed in was like any other home in the QZ, minimal, grey and cold. There was a weak attempt at a bookshelf in the corner with barely anything on it, a cracked brown leather sofa and a tiny coffee table. The room was connected to a kitchen, which was dirty and faded, and had barely anything in it except dirty coffee. There were two windows at the end of the living room, with curtains that merely blocked the view but didn’t stop the light from coming in. And between those windows was a table with a radio, one that Ellie took great interest in. 

“The radio’s a smuggling code, right?” Y/N grinned as Ellie began to read out the numbers and the words next to them.

“60s song, they don’t have anything new. 70s, they got new stuff…what’s 80s?” 

Joel paid no mind to either of them and instead lay down on the sofa, to which Ellie asked, “What are you doing?”

“Killin’ time.” He responded, shutting his eyes and letting his wrist hang off the sofa.

“Well, what are we supposed to do?” Y/N asked, settling by the window with Ellie.

“I dunno, you’ll figure it out.” Joel groaned.

A moment passed but Ellie just couldn’t let it go, “Your watch is broken.” There was no reaction, no sound from Joel. So Y/N turned to Ellie and began to tell her of the time before, as she often asked her to do. 

-

When Joel woke up, Ellie was too preoccupied with the rain falling out the window and so Y/N turned to him and smiled, lightly and barely, “You mumble in your sleep.” to which Ellie hummed in agreement. She said it as if all people of a certain age didn’t. Everyone from before had lost someone and everyone from before had killed and it was very rare that a single person over the age of twenty-five actually got a good night’s sleep. Joel couldn’t remember the last time he had actually slept through the night without waking up in a cold sweat, calling out names and remembering faces.

“I’ve never been on the other side of the wall.” Ellie was speaking to no one in particular, just the room, “Look how dark it is… you guys go out there a lot?” 

“I’ve been a few times.” Y/N shrugged.

And Joel simply said, “I guess.” 

“When was the last time?” 

“Maybe a year… what’s it matter?”

The questions continued on and on, Ellie wondering about the world outside and Joel, Y/N and Tess’ ability to navigate the outside world. It all comes to a halt, however, when she sends Y/N a look, a slight head nod, and a sly smile.

And she says, “Oh, the radio came on while you were sleeping.” 

Joel sits up instantly, “What? What was the song?” 

Y/N shrugs, “Wake me up before go-go, don’t leave me hanging on like a yo-yo…” 

“Shit,” He says, and the two women grin at each other, discreetly high-fiving as the younger announces, “Gotcha’. 80s means trouble…Code. Broken.” 

Joel huffed, “The two of you get up and get your jackets on. Tess should be back soon.” 

-

The trip through the QZ is perhaps the most terrifying thing Y/N has done in the past year. Of course, nothing quite compares to running from a group of infected, but this will have to suffice. 

There are F.E.D.R.A everywhere, lights, trucks and guards. The entire place is surrounded and it’s a long journey but they make it to the outskirts, just about. Joel is dead quiet, Tess following behind, then Ellie and Y/N. Both Tess and Joel have guns in the waistbands of their jeans and Y/N has knives in pockets, socks and a small one folded up into her bra. 

Boston is sort of strange at night, she realises. Due to the curfew, it’s been a while since she’s been out. Of course, she’s seen outside from her windows. Heard the slight hum of the trucks and the rattle of her window panes as they pass her house, the gentle buzz that comes from the part of the city that never sleeps. Just because the zombie apocalypse started doesn’t mean the crime stopped, and there is always a slight glow and buzz from the parts of the city with markets, that F.E.D.R.A turns an unlawful blind eye to. 

But actually being on the streets, among the houses, is so…strange. The comforting buzz of trucks and people isn’t there, you can’t feel it through the pavement and it throws Y/N off slightly. But they continue forward nonetheless. 

Until they turn a corner. They’re right by the fence, ready to go, but there’s a guard there, taking a piss against the wall and Tess freezes. She thinks for a second they’re gonna be able to get away with it but then his head turns and he’s saying, “Hey, what the hell!”  Before hurriedly zipping his trousers up. 

“Don’t move!” He says, pulling out a flashlight and a gun. He points the flashlight in their direction, it meets Joel's face and he practically deflates and sags, “You’ve gotta be shittin’ me…”

Joel raises his hands, “Okay let’s talk this out.” but it’s too late and the man is telling him to turn around and get on his knees. 

Y/N suspects the guard and Joel made know each other, and if they do it wouldn’t take her by surprise. Joel tries. He tries to compromise and he tries to debate the man who is commanding him to get on his fucking knees.

“I said stay the fuck home!” The guard says, only confirming Y/N’s suspicions.

It all moves so fast and then she’s on her knees next to Ellie, 

Joel’s still trying to bribe him with pills and drugs, but then he’s got something in her neck and he’s working very steadily down the line towards Ellie. There’s a zap at the back of Y/N’s neck, a slight sharp pinch and then a little beep. Y/N’s eyes are trained on Ellie, making sure she’s safe as the man raises the scanner to her neck and then- 

Jesus fucking christ. There’s a knife sticking out the guard’s knee before any of them can even realise it. Ellie had done it with a sharp scream, turning around and just plunging it in as the device touched her. The man stumbles back. Screams and before anything else Joel’s on top of him, fists pummeling his face, chest heaving, back moving left right, left right, as he demolishes this guy until there’s no life left in him.

Ellie and Y/N simply stand and watch, Y/N stood right behind the teenage girl, watching the man as blood splattered across his face. So that’s what Marlene meant by “capable of.”. 

 But they’re torn out of it by Tess, who had stumbled her way to where the device the guard held had fallen at the fence, “Jooeell,” She calls, “Joel!” She picks it up and red light flares across the scene, causing alarm to run through every adult there.

Ellie’s infected. Marlene had you transporting an infected. 

But Y/N doesn’t think before she sees Tess advancing towards them, And then wraps her arms around Ellie and pulls a knife, “Stay the fuck away from her!” She doesn’t consider the infection as she holds Ellie close and a knife to Tess.

Then Ellie’s yelling and rolling up her sleeve, still in Y/N’s tight grip, “I’m not infected! Please, please, I’m not infected! Look, this is three months old! Completely healed over, anyone infected would’ve died by now, please, please!” 

She has one hand clinging to Y/N, the arm the woman has wrapped around her chest. 

The sirens start, the lights flashing off the building walls, guards yelling and Joel hisses, “Shit. Tess, we’re gonna have to trust her- them.” His words allow Y/N to drop the knife and the vice-like grip she has on Ellie. 

“Fine,” Tess says, tucking her gun away, the answer short and alarmed. She doesn’t say more before she turns to the fence and suddenly Y/N sees the hole in the wire. Tess slips through, no problem, and then Joel, who had cleared himself up. Y/N gives Ellie a look,a reassuring nod, a “We’re gonna be okay, Punk. No go.” and then they’re off, into the world beyond the wall, just as the rain begins.

Y/n flicks up her hood as she slips through the wire, looks up and sees the corporate buildings, tipped over and covered from head to toe in greenery. It’s nearly beautiful.

God, it’s been a long, long time…

A/N: This fic has an official playlist and pinterest board which you can find on the masterlist.

[ifidiedinadream]

babies of the band you say? well, good sex is nice right, and it only gets better the more you do it with the same person, so why wouldn't the two of them decide that hey, we might both be straight or so we think, but hooking up with someone always there on tour seems like a great way to relax right? do the others know? do they walk in on them and wonder when the hell these two turned gay and dating? do they think they're being secretive but really, constantly sneaking off together for a quick bj in some supply closet or behind a corner isn't all that subtle? does one of them high on concert endorphines bring up wanting to try anal sex/penetration and they both end up learning a lot about their bodies that night? i'll leave it up to you!

hellooooooo i wrote something funny please tell me it's funny

also on ao3

"Sorry for earlier," Aleksi blurts out. The curtains of their shared hotel room are closed and it's night. They should be sleeping, the day has been exhausting enough for them to doze off immediately and sleep like babies until tomorrow morning, but they're scrolling their phones in the dim light of their bedside tables instead. Olli just couldn't relax. 

"It's fine, you were irritable, I understand that." 

Olli does understand, but it still hurts a bit. Aleksi hardly ever loses his patience, and he never snapped at him before. Olli was expecting a reprimand from Joel or Niko if there had to be one, certainly not from Aleksi. 

He guesses getting lost in a Swiss train station when their train was supposed to depart fifteen minutes later was too much bullshit even for calm, seraphic Aleksi. 

(Especially when their flight had been canceled, they had to wait for hours at the airport with no certainty they would be able to leave at all, and when they finally managed to land in Switzerland, Aleksi found most of his gear broken and part of it missing. All in the same day.)

"I deserved that," Olli adds later. 

"No, you didn't. I was an asshole." 

Olli will never forget his clenched teeth and hard eyes, the way he spat out "Are you for real? What the fuck is wrong with you?!" when they finally reunited. Olli had been panicking himself, because what the hell was he supposed to do in a foreign country that wasn't part of the EU therefore provided no internet connection nor signal to lost Finnish boys like him, but he didn't tell the others. He was relieved upon finding them, very much so, but Aleksi's hostility made him feel like shit not even a second later. They didn't exchange a word all day until now and it felt so wrong. 

It never happened before. Olli would say Aleksi and he are good friends, Aleksi is probably his favorite guy in the band and they get along very well most of the time. He's his best buddy, even. 

He's glad they seem to be normal again. 

"This tour has been stressful," Aleksi says, putting his phone on the nightstand to charge and rolling on his side, giving his back to Olli. They're sharing a double bed. "It really is no excuse for how I behaved but... I really need some release." 

"You could've gone out with the others," Olli remarks, but he knows Aleksi doesn't unwind like that. Aleksi's back expands and shrinks back down, like he just took a deep breath. 

"Clubbing won't do. I need something..." he trails off. He rolls in the bed again, turning to Olli. "Something more physical." 

Olli snorts and puts his phone away. "You can lock yourself in the bathroom, dude. I'm not gonna judge, nor interrupt." 

Aleksi grunts. "I become grumpy and obnoxious when I don't have sex for a while." 

"I think any person with balls can relate." 

Aleksi stares at the ceiling, seeming to consider it. "Maybe I should've gone to the club after all. I could've found a girl to hook up with." 

Olli can't help but imagine the scene. He thinks of Aleksi getting on top of a woman and pounding his hips into her. His stomach flips because apparently he's a perv like that. A sigh from Aleksi's lips pulls him out of his daydreams. 

"How I wish I had someone I could hook up with. I don't mean a one night stand." 

"'Cause sex is nice, but it gets even better when it's always with the same person, right?" 

"Yeah. Don't get me wrong, I do hook up with strangers when I'm at home sometimes," Aleksi confesses, "because I need the sex, and my hand isn't always enough, but at home I don't need it as much as I do when I'm on tour. It's stressful on tour. But at the same time, is finding a different girl every other night worth the hassle? When at the end of the day she doesn't know me, I don't know her, I come because of course I do but maybe she doesn't because I don't know where to touch her, I don't know her body, she doesn't know mine, it doesn't feel as good as it could, you know. When you know a person, it's one hundred times better." 

"Yeah," Olli agrees, "it would be nice to have someone to hook up with. Always the same person." 

"Yeah." 

"Yeah." 

"Too bad there's no one." 

"Yeah. Too bad." 

Olli reaches his arm out to turn off his bedside lamp, assuming the conversation is over. When he makes to lie down again, he finds Aleksi hovering over him, blue eyes huge and bright even in the dark. Olli gasps. 

"You didn't get what I was trying to say, did you?" 

"I - what were you trying to say?" 

"We could hook up. You and I." 

Olli's hand, still on the light switch, turns on the lamp again. Aleksi is looking down at him with expectant eyes and Olli doesn't miss the vague desperation dwelling in them as well. 

"But dude," he says, "I'm not a girl. You're not a girl." 

"I'm aware." Aleksi pushes the blanket off of him, sitting up. He takes his t-shirt off. "Who gives a shit. It doesn't have to mean we're gay." 

"So if I, a man, hook up with you, also a man," Olli looks at his hands, counting on his fingers, "it won't... it won't make us gay?" 

"Nah," Aleksi says, "it's only gay if we catch feelings for each other. Which can't happen, 'cause we're not gay." 

Olli must admit Aleksi's argument doesn't convince him in the slightest, he's pretty sure it's not how it works, but Aleksi's hairy chest is right there in front him, there's a bulge in his pajama pants, and suddenly he doesn't give a shit about labels anymore. 

"Alright," Olli says. "Let's hook up, then." 

*** 

Despite them not being gay in the slightest, it becomes a habit quite easily, naturally even. Olli and Aleksi hook up backstage before the shows, in the showers after the shows, in the bus when the others are exploring the cities, in the hotel rooms the others always let them share for some reason (Olli is sure no one suspects anything, they're being very subtle and sneaky about it, they're good at that. They've always been attached at the hip anyway, so why would anyone notice a difference now?). 

One night they're both in Olli's bunk in the bus, Olli's cock is in Aleksi's mouth, his hands in his hair. And Olli's being silent. The others are asleep. Aleksi's slurping sounds are quiet, and so are the heavy breaths he takes when he resurfaces for air. 

It gets a bit harder to not make a sound when Aleksi swirls his tongue around the rim of the head of Olli's cock, focusing on a particular spot on the underside, one that drives him crazy, so he puts his own fist in his mouth. Aleksi looks up at him with mischievous eyes, cheeks hollowed out, and when he pulls away he's smiling smugly. 

"Stop teasing or I'll tell everyone you're into sucking dick."

"Shut up or I'll tell everyone you're the one whose dick I usually suck." 

Aleksi wraps his lips around him then, relaxing his throat so that he can take all of him in. Olli sends his head back and it hits the wall behind him. It hurts but he's pretty sure it didn't wake anyone up. 

*** 

Another time would be when after a show that went particularly well, in the heat of the moment, Aleksi grabs Olli by his shirt and pulls him into the nearest secluded space, which happens to be nothing more than a small storage closet. The others arrive when the closet door is closed, missing them by mere instants. The door isn't even closed, to be fair, it doesn't lock and the way Aleksi is thrusting his cock in between Olli's thighs makes it move and open slightly. No one is watching, no one is listening, Olli tells himself. It feels so good, Aleksi's dick soft to the touch yet so hard, his breath on his neck from behind, his hand wrapped around Olli's own cock - he doesn't want to stop and worry. 

And why should he worry, anyway. It's not like they're being loud. It's not like Joonas and Joel aren't yelling and filling up cups with booze. It's fine. 

What probably isn't fine is how much Olli is getting into this. Their habit soon turned into some sort of tradition, where Olli is having sex more than ever before in his life, even multiple times a day, and he's never felt better. Aleksi said it's not gay until they catch feelings, and sure, there are no feelings to be caught, they're best bros, but the idea that all this will stop once the tour is over makes Olli sick to his stomach. 

But Olli doesn't have to think about it now. Tour is far from over. Aleksi's amazing dick is between his thighs where his pants and underwear were pushed off just enough to allow Aleksi this movement, and the urgency feels nice, too nice, desperate Aleksi must be Olli's favorite brand of Aleksi. 

He's going fast and muffling his moaning by pressing his mouth on the top of Olli's shoulder. Olli comes all over Aleksi's fist, biting his lip hard, and Aleksi follows soon after, tightening the grip on Olli's hip. They stay in the closet until they're sure the others are too drunk to notice. They giggle and tell each other to stay quiet, making more noise in the process, and maybe they kiss, even make out (just to pass the time, obviously, no other reason), the urgency from before nowhere to be found. Olli doesn't find it in himself to care. It feels good; Aleksi's mouth is so warm and gentle and his hands on Olli's face are delicate and his eyes always turn so soft after sex, when he's finally satisfied. That specific gaze sort of brings butterflies to Olli's stomach, and today, when they part, it's not any different. It's only a moment, though; soon mischief is animating Aleksi's eyes again and he reaches out to grab Olli's balls, just a bit too tightly for it to feel nice. Olli says "ouch" and Aleksi giggles again, kicking the door open and storming out of it. 

"What was that for?" Olli asks, fixing his pants before following him. 

"For pinching my ass during the show." 

They don't look suspicious, Olli thinks. The others wouldn't be able to notice anything with how much they've been drinking. 

*** 

Tour goes on and the habit-turned-tradition turns into obsession, at least on Olli's side. It's science, Olli tells himself. The more endorphins, dopamine, oxytocin his body produces, the more it wants them. It's chemistry, really. He doesn't like Aleksi and he isn't gay, he's just getting his body addicted to the feeling. 

Which isn't a problem, he'll get over it after a week or so of detox when the tour ends. 

(Something Olli doesn't really want to think about, the tour ending.) 

Now he's lying in the bed of his hotel room just like that first time, and something is bothering him, but this once it has nothing to do with Aleksi being mad at him. 

"Can I ask you something?" Olli inquires, the kisses Aleksi is leaving on his neck doing little to clear his mind. Aleksi hums. "Do you think it's gay if we have, like, anal sex?" 

Aleksi stops kissing his skin, pulling away slightly to look at him. His gaze is heavy lidded. He looks into Olli's eyes, then at his lips, and that's when he says, "Nah. Why should it be?" 

"Because it would be. Two men having sex." 

Aleksi has started kissing Olli's neck again, this time it's slower though, wetter. "It's two men having sex when you're sucking my dick behind a gas station, when I'm giving you a handjob in the lounge area of the bus when the others are watching hockey on TV." Aleksi's lips move downward, caressing Olli's collarbone, and then he's biting there, making Olli yelp. "It's two men having sex when we grind against each other first thing in the morning, still in bed, when Tommi knocks on our door and tells us to get ready for breakfast." Aleksi's hand fondles Olli's cock through his pants. "All of this is two men having sex. And it feels good, doesn't it? It feels right." 

"Yes," Olli breathes out, because what else can he say when Aleksi is stroking his dick like that. 

"Remember this: we're good as long as we don't catch feelings for each other." 

"Right." 

Right.  

"We can try anal sex if you want," Aleksi says. "We have condoms and lube. Did you want to be on top or -" 

"I actually wanted to try bottoming," Olli says, cutting himself off before he can add because I want to have you inside me on a whole new level as he suspects it could sound, indeed, a bit gay. 

This isn't catching feelings. 

"Alright." Aleksi flashes him a reassuring smile. "I'll be gentle." 

"How do I - have you done this before?" Olli asks. 

"A couple of times, yeah. With women, of course." 

"Of course." 

"Lie down." 

Olli does. Aleksi takes his pajamas off slowly and then undresses himself. He grabs Olli's knees and parts his legs gently, lowering his face and kissing his inner thigh once. He tells Olli to raise his legs and keep them folded. 

"Like this?" Olli asks, feeling a little exposed but Aleksi is eyeing him tenderly. 

"Yes, perfect," Aleksi says. "I'm gonna touch you a bit... getting you used to the sensation. Okay?" 

Olli nods. Aleksi's fingers end up in between his cheeks, brushing lightly, then up his perineum, making Olli shiver. Aleksi pours lube on his hole directly from the bottle and it's cold, but Aleksi assures him the lube has to be copious. 

"Tell me if you need more, alright?" Aleksi says, and Olli nods once again. 

Aleksi's fingers are gentle. He describes what he's doing to Olli, making sure he's okay. When a finger is inside it isn't necessarily comfortable, but Aleksi's patient and soft gaze makes Olli relax easily and his body gives in. Aleksi prepares him for a while longer, and when Olli says he's ready, Aleksi withdraws his hand and ends up on top of him, kissing him slowly before smearing his cock in lube. 

Their bodies are flush and it's so slick where Aleksi's cock and his ass touch. Olli wraps his arms and legs around Aleksi because he loves the feeling of having Aleksi everywhere, of his scent permeating the air all around him; he loves how sweet Aleksi is tonight, his considerate questions and kind eyes. 

He won't tell him that, of course, because that would be gay, and we all agree that neither of them is gay, so Olli just hugs Aleksi silently as the latter gently penetrates him, not before asking if it's okay a million times, not before reminding Olli he can tap out if he needs to, he can add more lube, he can stretch him more, he'll do whatever Olli needs him to. 

They have slow sex. It's uncomfortable before it feels even remotely pleasurable, but Aleksi's tender care makes it all worth it. He moves so slowly Olli can feel every centimeter of him inside himself, and the way Aleksi is looking at his face, attentive and careful, makes Olli feel all fuzzy in the chest. However, it's when Aleksi tells him he feels so good that Olli lets out a moan, which seems to invigorate Aleksi, making him move a bit faster. Olli doesn't mind, he's totally relaxed now, and when Aleksi lifts his hips a bit and the angle changes, Olli feels a kind of pleasure he's never felt in his life before. 

"Found it?" Aleksi asks, amused. 

Olli moans louder, holding Aleksi closer to him. It's heaven. Heaven. His body has never felt better, his heart is warm and large and full, his head is above the clouds, and Olli comes untouched for the first time ever. 

"Good boy," Aleksi says, and when he finally comes as well, Olli wishes he wasn't wearing a condom so he could feel all the cum inside him, claiming his body like it's his right. 

But it's not because he's catching feelings. It's just that the sex is particularly good. 

They're best bros. Fuck buddies at best. 

*** 

The habit-turned-tradition-turned-obsession somehow ends up turning into something else by the end of the tour. Olli doesn't exactly know what, but he knows it's bothering him. If he couldn't stay a day without having sex with Aleksi before, now he finds himself fighting for his attention, hating it when he spends time with someone else (like when he went shopping with Joel on their day off) and feeling like the king of the universe when Aleksi rests his head on his shoulder (like that day they were late to the venue because the bus was stuck in traffic). 

It's bothering him because deep down, despite him not being gay, despite Aleksi being his best bro, Olli knows he caught feelings somewhere along the way. He tells himself it isn't the case, that he doesn't like Aleksi like that, he only likes the attention, the sex, having someone to occupy his mind, but lying to himself can only get him so far, and it won't spare him all the hurt that will inevitably come. 

Because to Aleksi it's only sex, he made it clear right from the start. 

It gets even heavier on the last day of tour. They're getting back to Finland tomorrow and the fact that Aleksi will be in Helsinki and Olli in Oulu, how they won't have any excuse to sleep together anymore, how Aleksi will probably go on with his life like nothing ever happened tears up Olli's heart. 

It wasn't supposed to come to this. Fuck.  

That's why he agrees to go to Joel's acquaintance's party (a friend of a friend of a dude who works at a radio station), to try and drown his sorrows in alcohol before the hole in his chest gets too big and sucks too much of his life away. Aleksi will be there too, everyone will, but staying behind on the bus and crying his eyes out in his bunk bed is most likely the more pathetic option and Olli doesn't need that. 

At the party, Olli drinks and drinks and drinks. He's Mr. Recovery Man so he'll be just fine for the flight tomorrow. There are a lot of beautiful women trying to start a conversation with "the Finnish bassist who looks like a model", as Olli overheard one of them say, but sex is the last thing on Olli's mind right now. All he wants is to hold Aleksi's hand for one last time before they have to part. 

Before he has to tell him he fucked everything up by catching feelings and evidently not being as straight as he thought he was. 

Olli drinks again. His mood gets better the more he drinks, his head and heart lighter, to the point, some time later, where he's actually having fun and dancing to the beat pumping through the speakers and talking to people; however, it's short lived. He keeps drinking until a line is crossed and his stomach starts to hurt. Olli finds a bathroom before it's too late, throws up his entire soul, and by the time he's done, he can barely stand. 

Joonas finds him in the bathroom, holding on to the sink. His friend washes his mouth and takes him to the couch in the living room, asking him if he wants to go back to the bus with him and call it a night. Olli refuses. 

(He doesn't want the night to end, because that would mean the tour has ended, and so has whatever he and Aleksi had.) 

Joonas leaves, not without mumbling something about someone being a lovesick idiot. Olli considers the beer bottle sitting on the coffee table before him, but decides against it. He fights sleep but allows his eyes to close, focusing on the music resonating in his chest. He tries to figure out the notes of the bass he's hearing. It's a pretty basic bass line. 

Someone sits down beside him. Olli opens his eyes and it's a blurry, blurry Aleksi, with wild hair and sweat all over his face. Olli's senses come back to him at once, suddenly alert. Aleksi doesn't look much more sober than he is. 

"Kiss," Aleksi says, moving closer, but Olli pushes him away. 

"In front of everyone?" 

"They know." 

"They don't." 

"Literally everyone in the band knows. Niko just called me a pining mess," Aleksi slurs. Olli furrows his brows because it reminds him of something. "I just want one last kiss before you tell me to fuck off forever." 

"You're drunk." 

"So are you." 

Aleksi tries to kiss him once again but Olli moves away. It hurts. It hurts like hell, but another kiss would only hurt more. "We can't do this. Aleksi, this was a mistake. We said we wouldn't catch feelings. But I have." 

Aleksi suddenly turns serious. He looks at Olli's face for a moment, like he's searching for something there. His face is still blurry but he's as gorgeous as always, even with the two little expression lines in between his eyebrows. His gaze drops as soon as he starts speaking. 

"So have I. I fell in love with you. Sorry I can't say it sober." 

"You - what?" 

Aleksi's face crumbles after an intense moment. He starts to laugh loudly and for a second Olli thinks this was all a cruel, heartless prank. 

"Dude, we're so fucking gay," Aleksi says. "Don't know about you but I told myself so many lies during the last few months. Ever since we started hooking up. But I wasn't fooling anyone. Dude, I like you so fucking much. Always have." 

Olli feels like he could cry; he hugs Aleksi tight instead, kissing him on the mouth when they part and not giving two shits about it. 

"We should... probably talk about this when we're both sober. In the morning," Olli suggests. 

"Can you - can you just say it out loud? Again? Just one last time... Or tomorrow I won't think it's real," Aleksi says, looking small somehow. It makes Olli smile fondly. 

"What, that I like you back?" 

"Yeah." 

Olli cups the side of Aleksi's face, looking deep into his eyes, so blurry yet so beautiful. 

"You're all I ever wanted."

[littlemissfasd]

I wrote this a while ago, Unedited. Long one.

Warnings - mentions of alcohol usage, grief, vomiting, smut.

It had been almost six months since ellie broke up with Hayley, Ellie insisted there was no reason but you knew it was because she lost joel. Since then ellie had barely spoken two words to her, until christmas night.

Every year like clockwork, people would gather to eat, give and receive presents and get drunk. Tonight was that night, myself and a few others spent days helping Maria and Tommy prepare for it, and finally we were done. The chatter and laughter started to take over as more people started to show up. Tommy pats me on the shoulder and leans closer "hey..uh i know you and ellie aren't on the best of terms but she's really struggling."

I let his words sink in and sigh "i'll check on her." He gives me a sympathetic smile "how are you doing?" I ask, knowing its the first Christmas since Joel passed. God i miss that miserable old man.

"I'm getting there." I hand him a drink and nod "He'd be proud of you Tommy." His eyes light up a little as those words leave my mouth, he says nothing instead he pulls me in for a tight hug.

"Don't you ever forget that." I whisper before pulling away, i can tell he needed to hear it as his tears well up slightly. "I'll see you tomorrow okay?" I say, he nods waving at me as i start to walk off.

I walk around the crowd, knowing I don't do well in the midst of them. I walk down the street past Joels house, Maria insisted on putting all of joels favourite decorations up one last time. It looks beautiful. I kneel down placing a single flower on the grass "Merry Christmas Joel." I whisper as i stand up.

"Oh your here" I don't have to turn to know who it is. I can tell just by the attitude, i let out a dry chuckle "Hey Ellie." She says nothing and stays behind me, i turn and she stares blankly at the house.

"So stupid." I look down, staying silent and watching as the woman takes a few steps towards the house.

"He's dead, he cant see this shit." She says picking at the lights looped around the fence.

"Ellie~" she cuts me off with a laugh "don't give me the 'He'd like it' speech. Please." My eyes narrow seeing her hands, bloody and shaking "You're drunk." I comment and she turns to glare at me.

"Its Christmas." I shake my head "You can't handle drink." I say, not trying to sound mad but failing. "God! You're so annoying. You always fucking were. Checking up on shit that never concerned you. Insecure fuck man." My eyes widen at the insults that leave her mouth with ease.

"Wow." I say looking away "you know ellie..i was the one who found you. It was me who got joel back here. No one else fucking wanted to! I found you. I brought you back. I stayed with you. All for you to turn around and what? Throw me out? What, did it get to real Ellie?"

Her eyes widen as she listens to me rant.

"You hurting is not a reason to hurt me. I'm sorry about Joel. I am, if i could change it i would because i cant bare to see you like this." She stumbles slightly, i reach for her grabbing her sleeve to keep her steady.

"Can you take me home?" I sigh and nod "Yeah.." i keep ahold of her sleeve as we walk towards her house, once getting there she fumbles with the keys before dropping them "for fuck sake!" She screams slamming her fists against the brick wall.

"Jesus ellie!" I yell grabbing her hand, my own gets covered in her blood as it pools from her knuckles. I sigh and pick up her keys, unlocking it i turn to her "Go." She mumbles something i didnt catch as she walked inside.

"Sit down ill look at your hand" i say, she doesn't argue for once, she does as she's told. "How much did you drink?" I ask, grabbing the first aid kit she just points at the few scattered beers and a bottle of whiskey which doesn't have much missing from it.

"You know you're not supposed to drink on your medication." I say, i walk to the counter where shes sat and stand in front of her holding my hand out "stop trying to control me." She mumbles and places her hand in mine.

"Please find a dictionary and find the word control because what i just said does not fit under that." She winces as i wipes the blood from her knuckles, i can feel her staring at me but i ignore it and clean her up. "You haven't broken anything but it will be sore for a few days" she just nods, i take a step back closing the first aid kit.

"I don't know how to stop feeling like this." She says, digging her nails into the palm of her hand in an attempt to calm herself down. I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything.

"You came back." She whispers after a moment of silence.

"I promised i would." I mumble, she nods slowly staring into her lap.

"You should sleep. The alcohol mixing with your antibiotics..doesn't feel good. So lets get you to bed before then." I say, fidgeting slightly she nods and hops off the counter "Are you staying the night?" She asks as she walks around the kitchen and into the living room "uh..i can do." I offer, she nods "please." Theres a sense of sadness in her voice, one I couldn't ignore so i agreed to stay.

"Here." She says handing me one of her shirts and a pair of shorts, i thank her and head into the bathroom to change.

-

I wake up to the sounds of Ellie vomiting, i rub my eyes as i make my way to the bathroom. She sits against the toilet shivering "You alright?" I ask, she jumps at my voice and turns to me "I should have listened to you." I chuckle and sit beside her.

"Yes you should." I say matter of factly earning a small smile from her. She groans and rubs her forehead before throwing herself forward, i hold her hair back as she vomits. She lets out a frustrated yell after she finishes "i'm sorry im so dumb" she whispers, leaning her forehead against my shoulder.

"Everyone throws up, el. It's not an issue." She gives me a look and sighs "can you help me change my bedding?" I nod immediately guessing she didn't make it to the toilet fast enough.

"Just..get in the shower and clean yourself up, ill sort the bed out." I say, she doesn't argue and just turns the shower on and i leave giving her some privacy.

Her bedroom hasn't changed, the same posters sit on her wall, the photos of her and joel are gone now though. She used to have them on her nightstand but i guess it was too much.

I walk over to the bed and see a small puddle of vomit on the duvet, i strip it off making sure to put the sheets straight into the sink to get it off. I walk back and check the sheet, its clean but i change it anyway.

Ellie comes in around fifteen minutes later, looking a little better than before. "Thank you." She says motioning towards the bed. "Not a problem. Get some sleep okay?" As i walk past her she grabs onto the sleeve of my shirt "Don't go." My eyes connect with hers to see tears welling up "I'll be right out there, el" she shakes her head as a tear falls "Please. Don't leave." My heart shatters seeing her cry, i nod "okay.." i agree, still holding my sleeve she takes us both to the bed where we lay down.

She had sobered up, vomiting definitely helped that situation but you could tell she still felt rough. Her head leans against my shoulder as she fiddles with my sleeve. "I'm sorry. Not just about tonight..but everything. Yelling at you, breaking up with you. Im sorry."

I listen and nod, "i know." She looks up at me, her eyes look sad and dull "i lost..everyone." I shake my head "i'm right here." I whisper my hand slipping into hers, she tenses a little but softens again and holds my hand tightly.

"I tried everything to distract myself. Nothing worked." She says, her voice dead.

"This feeling wont last forever love. One day you will be okay." I don't even realise the use of the nickname until her eyes widen slightly reacting to it. "Uh.." i laugh awkwardly, shaking her head a small smile tugs at her lips "Don't worry about it.." she says.

I sit up, clearing my throat, she does the same "I mean it..It's okay." My eyes flicker down to her lips.

"Ellie.." i whisper, she hooks her finger under my chin pulling me closer, her lips graze mine causing a gasp to leave my mouth.

"Can i.." she whispers, i nod "Please.." i sound desperate, but in this moment I don't care, i just want her.

She kisses me, softly at first but she grips my hips pulling me into her lap deepening the kiss, i hear a small moan leave her mouth as our tongues clash against each other. I wrap my arms around the back of her neck, pulling away from the kiss.

"Are you..sure?" I ask, knowing her emotions are everywhere and I don't want to take advantage.

"Yes, please.." her eyes soften.

"O-okay.." i nod, she wastes no time and lays me down, hovering over me. "I've wanted this..for so long." She confesses pinning my hands just above my head.

"You could have said el." I mumble, humour in my voice.

"You never gave me an inkling that you..wanted to. Even when we were together" she says with a smirk, i nod knowing she's right.

"Well..now i am so stop talking and do something before i change my mind" her eyes widen at my words but she does as she's told and leans down, kissing my jaw and down to my neck, sucking gently earning a small gasp from my mouth. She likes the sounds that leave my mouth, they force her to lift my hips up forcing the oversized shirt up to sit on my stomach.

I can see the blush rise on her cheeks as she stares at my bare skin "I.." she start but stops herself by scooting down and kissing my bare stomach, with each kiss she goes higher, bringing the shirt with her as she goes. "Off." She whispers when she's sick of having to move it, i lean forward and she pulls it off me, chucking it off to the side leaving me in nothing but my shorts,

"So pretty." She whispers kissing around my chest, I don't have the tome to respond instead a loud whimper leaves my mouth as she bites down gently on my hardened nipple "Ellie.." i whine, she looks up at me almost as if she's trying to read me.

"What, love? Tell me" i shudder as her hands graze my stomach, going down to the drawstrings of my shorts, i feel them loosen and know she has undone them. "Use your words baby." She whispers, my mind is clouded feeling that warm sensation in my stomach worsen with every touch of hers.

"I just..i need you please." I beg, her hand slides easily into my shorts her fingers dip into my drenched pussy "what do you need me to do honey?" I gasp at her fingers, i can feel myself getting wetter by the second "i- i need you inside me. Stop teasing" i stutter like a fool but the smirk on Ellie's face reads she doesn't mind and likes this side of me, the side where i cant even form my words because im so weak by her touch.

"Say please" i let out a whimper at her words, a strand of her hair falls against her face as she stares up at me "please el.." She nods and sinks a single finger into me, i can feel her knuckle against my skin "oh~" my head tilts back against the pillow feeling her finger curl against my insides.

"Please move.." i plead, she says nothing and moves her fingers slowly, i groan and pull her face down to mine kissing her hungrily. Her free hand wraps gently around my throat, she knew i enjoyed choking, it came out in a drunken conversation when we were dating, im more shocked she remembered.

She pulls away from my lips and pushes a second finger in, a loud gasp leaves my mouth "good girl, taking me so well." She nibbles my ear gently moving her fingers at a fast pace, i cant even form words as the pleasure rips through my body forcing my back to arch and my head to fall back "i- im close" ellie looks at me as if she's going to use that as a challenge "Don't coms yet baby." She warns, her fingers pressing a little more pressure to my neck.

I whine at her words "please..i cant.." i pant, she shakes her head tutting at me "Do as your told, you hear me?" I her fingers slow down a little waiting for my response, i nod "words." Is all she says, the way she says it almost makes me finish right there and then. Dominate ellie doesn't come out often but i loved it.

"Yes- yeah" i stutter, she mumbles a 'good girl' before her fingers pick up there pace once more "oh god!" I yell out, covering my mouth because I wasn't expecting my moan to be that loud, she removes my hand "Its okay, i like your noises." My eyes roll into the back of my head as her fingers curl against that one spot, my hips buck against her, she can tell i wont be able to hold it for much longer.

"You need to come baby?" She asks, a smirk sits on her face "yes, please.." i pant, unintentionally trying to wriggle away from her hand. She grips my hip forcing me to stay "nuh uh pretty girl." I let out a groan, i cant hold it for much longer and she's loving every second of my struggle, she leans in close to my ear "come on my fingers baby." With that she thrusts her fingers once more, deeply and harshly forcing my orgasm to rip its way for me.

"Oh fuck!" I moan, my eyes stay shut as she keeps her fingers inside of me, watching as i come against her hand "f-fuck." I pant, my breathing is ragged and uneven as my orgasm ends "good girl." She whispers, she removes her fingers bringing them to my mouth.

"Taste yourself baby." I open my mouth, taking both of her fingers inside. My tongue laps my own release from her as she bites down on her lip at the sight. She removes her fingers, kissing my head.

"Your turn." I mumble.

Her eyebrows raise a little, clearly not expecting that.

-

[the-orange-tabby-cat]

WIP Wednesday Thursday

Howdy! 🤠 Yesterday I missed it because this lucky cat was stuck in classes. So why not post it today? Here's the thing: I won't publish this particular story anytime soon because I want to finish other stuff before, but today I'm letting you check on a draft of a one shot where Joel and Ellie have been reincarnating non stop because he keeps failing at her and won't accept defeat. This is the first thousand words. See ya! 🐾

There's a little house uphill where time stands still. The only sound is the wind, the only alive creature is the grass surrounding the area. Bluest sky is so open that you can't see the horizon line when it meshes with the sea down the cliff. The ocean covers all the sides of the island, the precipice is high with meters and meters of rocks up until the grass of the hill of an intense green. There's a little house in the middle, one that has been there since the beginning of time.

It's always quiet there, where nothing happens until both of them arrive. They have been doing this little ritual for so many moons that they already know what the other will say. It's a question of begging.

The woman gets there first, entering the house and finding the table with ease. Not much inside of it, just a table, two chairs and the curtains for the windows. That's all they need. As she drops her suitcase with a thump above the wood, she sits down with a groan.

She isn't getting any younger, but it's okay, she will be here for as long time will exist. She is the beginning and the end. Her face has strong lines, the hair is pearly white and the body is dressed with warm clothes to the cold of the unforgiving wind.

He arrives not much after her, not that she notices since time doesn't apply to this place. He looks the same: dark brown eyes full of emotion. She saw many versions of him before and every single one has the same sad stare.

“Take me back, I can save her this time!” He says in a hurry, urging her.

“You didn't, you can't. Aren't you tired of trying?” The woman asks as she opens the suitcase.

“I can. Please. Take me back to her,” he pleads. His clothes full of blood from his previous wounds, where he bleed until death. He is dead somewhere in time, but not here.

“We have been doing this for millennia now. You beg me for another chance, I give you and we meet at this hill when you prove you can't save her. It's her destiny.”

He sits and bites his lip, he is trying to gain time and she knows. She takes out the suitcase three different glass jars: one with sand, one with dirt and a final one with water.

“You know how it works, Joel. If you choose the water, you will be born again and move on to your next life where your memories will be washed away into the oblivion sea. You will find sorrow and pain still, but your path won't cross hers. She will suffer as her destiny, but there won't be you to help her. We will move on from this insanity.

“If you choose the dirt, this pain will cease and you won't get back to the mortal world. We will end this cycle once for all, your body will be buried deep in the ground to rot until it becomes one with earth. She will live again and again until her final life, in her constant sorrow and you won't be there.

“And the option you keep choosing: the sand of time. You will be there once again with her, one more life, one more futile tentative of saving the girl from her fate. You will sacrifice something you love deeply to save her and even that won't be enough. You both will suffer as you fail. What do you choose?”

For the first time Joel weighed his options. His soul tired from all the effort in vain. He promised to libert her from pain, to release her soul and yet, here was he once more choosing what to do. The woman was amused by his hesitation.

“You have the power to end it, do it. You know you won't save her.”

“I can save her. I need one more try, that's all. You can't stop me, Medea.” He pronounced her name like an omen. Her eyes like stone looking into his, something geared inside her mind.

“We have known each other since your first life. I was there when she gained her soul, when you failed your promise to keep her safe. I want you to thrive, but I can't interfere in your actions. However,” she wrinkles her face even more, “I can protect you this time if we make a deal.”

“What kind of deal?” Joel glares at her. He knows better than accepting the entity's graces, they come with a price.

“I will give you protection, something to rely on when time gets tough in your mission. You have to promise me that you won't choose the sand when you fail.”

The woman stare is set in stone. The wind crashes the house, Joel feels his body shivering as he wonders why she is trying him after setting up so many failures before.

“What kind of protection? How will I know?” He pouts and she stays the same.

“Something like a guardian angel. I won't erase all your memories from our meeting, you will remember everything about our deal. They will be there to protect you from the start, but only if you promise me that you won't choose the sand next life.”

He looks down the jars and holds up his hand in the air full of conviction.

“I accept the deal. Please, take me back with the sand. I want to go back to her.”

The woman's eyes are sad, but she opens the sand jar anyway. The fine powder is poured between his fingers and he slowly closes his eyes. Medea whispers her sincere good luck, watching the man disappear from the house.

It's quiet. It's cold. His back is still in pain, his body feels like before. Something is different this time. When Joel opens his eyes, this isn't a new life, it is the same one. This is a first.

Medea never brings him back in time, he will be born again and live until his path crosses with Ellie. He will try and fail to save her from terrible pain, beg for another chance and the woman will send him down another time. In this world he isn't supposed to know that there are multiple lives in multiple timelines.

They have incarnated many times. From brothers, to sisters, to lovers, to friends, to family. Millennia of tied souls. Joel always finds a way to meet her, it doesn't matter how much he has to live before it.

His room feels like the usual, he is in the pajamas he wore last week before dying. Oh, yes, he is dead. Or was, since Medea brought him back.

He doesn't have much time to think about it as you open the bedroom door looking distressed.

“You could have chosen a life without the outbreak. I can't believe we have to walk for everything! No wonder you're so tired.” You say incredulous to him, who is extremely confused by why a woman is standing in the middle of his bedroom. He must give away something as you clear your throat.

“Sorry, too fast. I'm your sort of guard angel, the one that Medea told you about. Tadah.”

He is fucked.

You aren't exactly what he pictured when the woman mentioned protection. Sweet eyes, smiling bright and over the top energy. He thought she meant someone to protect Ellie, to help him avoid the pain, not such a humane creature.

“Oh, you aren't happy. It's okay, I understand it. Now, shall we review all the rules?”

[wonderlandleighleigh]

"you are the bane of my existence"

Lenny gives Joel a bewildered look. "We've been in the same room together four times, total, and I'm the bane of your existence?"

"Yes!" Joel snaps as he paces back and forth behind the bar at the Button Club.

Lenny looks around the crowded club and then back to him as he nurses a glass of whiskey. "Sure. Okay. Well. Mine is the United States Government, and also the NYPD, but uh..."

"I always figured eventually Midge would move on," Joel tells him. "She's a beautiful woman, she's smart, god knows she's funny. And it was one thing when it was Benjamin or whoever the fuck from the Steiner set. Fine. I was jealous, because he had her and I didn't, but he was the kind of guy she should be with."

Lenny sips his drink, still watching the other man.

"But you?" Joel says, ceasing his pacing to gesture to Lenny. "You she picks?"

"Believe me, I'm a little confused myself," Lenny chuckles, setting his glass down. "Women like Midge don't often give me the time of day."

"Exactly! You're a mess!"

"Flattery will get you everywhere," Lenny grumbles. "While you're standing still, will you refresh my drink, please? So I can get through the rest of this conversation and wherever the hell this is going?"

Joel huffs out a breath and pulls the whiskey out again, refilling the glass. "Break up with her."

Lenny freezes, staring at the other man.

"Leave Midge," Joel orders. "You know she's too good for you, and you're just gonna mess with her and break her heart. You can get your jollies with some other girl, but not her."

Lenny takes a deep breath and slowly lifts his drink, taking a long, deep sip, before putting it down. "No."

"No. No?"

"No."

Joel swallows hard on what is likely anger. "Why no?"

"Two reasons," Lenny tells him, looking down at the glass instead of the other man. "One: I respect her too much to take the decision of whom she should be with away from her just because her ex-husband doesn't like it. She deserves better than that level of manipulation and control, and I think somewhere inside that reactionary, catastrophizing brain of yours, you know that."

Joel glowers at him harshly, as Lenny finally looks up at him.

"And two: I'm in love with her," he shrugs. "Even if I wanted to stay away from her, I don't think I could make myself. So my answer is no." Lenny lifts his glass again, taking another sip.

"She know about the drugs?"

"She does."

"She know about the stripper ex?"

"Yep."

"The arrests?"

"We met in the back of a police car and she bailed me out the next morning, Joel. I'm relatively certain she's got a pretty decent idea."

Joel rubs his face. "Fuck. Fuck!"

"What's wrong?" Midge asks from behind Lenny, looking concerned.

Both men turn to look at her, Joel looking panicked while Lenny reaches for her hand, gently pulling her close.

"Nothing," he promises. "Joel's out of the good gin, that's all. Shipment's late."

"That's too bad," Midge frowns, looking skeptical. "I'm fine with a vodka martini tonight."

Joel blows out a breath and nods to the bartender working next to him to make the drink. "Sure," he says wearily.

"I'm sure the shipment will turn up, Joel," Midge assures him as she takes the seat next to Lenny.

"How was your gig?" Lenny asks.

"It went great. I killed tonight," she boasts, beaming at him. "How was yours?"

"Good. Packed house. No cops for once."

"That means you get to take me home with you," Midge smirks, leaning in suggestively.

Joel glowers at Lenny as the bartender slides the martini over to Midge.

"Thanks, Mike," she says, taking a sip. "Other than missing gin, how are things, Joel?"

"Fine," he grates out. "Things are fine. You two sticking around or you getting outta here after your drink?"

Midge blinks, a little surprised. "Uh...I guess we're going..."

"Good." He throws down the bar rag. "I need to get some work done in back. Have a good night."

She flinches as she hears the door slam before turning to Lenny. "Okay. That's not just about missing gin."

"It is not," Lenny confirms. "Drink your drink, I'll tell you on the way home."

[cowgurrrl]

Love the writing! Could I please request baby!Miller first steps and Joel just melting?

Thank you for the request and your sweet words!! Here’s Charlie girl taking her first steps 🥹

Never Grow Up

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Summary: “Why did I decide to walk in the kitchen?” “Maybe you just saw something you wanted.” aka this ask

Author’s note: oh my little Look for the Light verse how I missed you

Warnings: parental anxiety, Joel being a softie, Ellie being the worlds best big sister

Sarah took her first steps the day after her first birthday, deciding that she officially had to be one before she could hit her milestone. Jane took her first steps about a month before she turned one. She was tired of waiting for someone to pick her up so she could get somewhere, ever a woman on a mission, even as a toddler. But Charlie, Charlie turned one a month ago and still hasn't shown any interest in trying to walk. And it's not for lack of trying. You, Ellie, and Joel all take turns holding her chubby little hands and guiding her feet across the floor, which she's perfectly content with until you let go. Then, she plops back down on the floor and scootches to wherever she wants to be.

"I just don't get it," you say to Joel one night as you get ready for bed. He sighs as he hangs up his jacket in the closet. "I mean, do you think something's wrong? Should we take her to the doctor?"

"Every kid is gonna hit their milestones at a different time. She's just takin' a little longer, that's all."

"How do you know?" You ask. He takes a deep breath before walking over to you and cupping your face in his hands. His thumbs swipe soothing lines across your cheekbones, and you let yourself relax into him.

"Because you're her mama and one of the most capable people I know. She's got your good genes," he says as he kisses your forehead, and you laugh a little bit. You breathe him in, the smell of pine and the lavender detergent you use to wash the clothes surrounding you. The house is silent as you stand in your shared room, your anxieties misfiring against the old wood. "She's gonna be fine."

"And if she's not?"

"Then, we'll handle it."

You agree to give it one more month. If she doesn't walk in another month, you'll take her to the doctor. In the meantime, you try to let it go. You let her scoot around the house and try not to get too excited when she pulls herself to her feet. You have a feeling that she can sense whenever you're expecting her to do something, the baited anticipation too much for her little brain to comprehend. It may be silly, but you know your kid. You know how she operates.

Ellie likes to lie on the floor with Charlie, and she gives her a step-by-step guide on how to get on her feet and take a few steps. "It's not that hard! Just watch," Ellie coaches as Charlie watches her with curious eyes. You wish you had a camera to record Ellie crawling on her hands and knees before gaining her balance, standing, and walking while explaining its mechanics. You laugh when Charlie just burps and crawls to you, lifting her arms to be picked up. "I hate to say it, but I think she may have gotten Joel's thick skull."

"She'll figure it out," you say as you kiss Charlie's cheek and bring her into the kitchen. As the weeks fly by and Charlie still refuses to walk, you try to bury your worry in your patrols. You do your best to keep Jackson safe so that Charlie can feel protected enough to take her first steps. Or that's what your logic is, at least.

On the last day of the month, you stomp snow out of your work boots outside the front door before entering your warm house. There's a fire going in the fireplace, and the promise of a warm meal greets you when you walk in the door. Joel and Ellie shout from the kitchen, followed by a very excited, "Mama!" You smile and shrug out of your jacket, ready to attack your favorite people with kisses, when Charlie scoots out to the hallway.

"What's up, Charlie girl?" You ask as you hang up your coat next to the front door. Then, without warning or preparation, Charlie plants her feet under her and stands. You freeze, and Charlie looks at you, and for a second, you swear you can read her mind. "It's okay, baby. Mama's right here for you. I won't let you get hurt, okay?" You say, crouching down and opening your arms. Joel and Ellie hear you and look confused as they step into the hallway and see Charlie standing. You think the whole world stops as she takes one step. Then another. And another until she's across the room and in your arms. You pick her up and spin her around, deliriously happy giggles leaving you as you kiss her face. "You did it, baby girl! You walked!"

"Yay, Charlie!" Ellie says as she rushes over to join in your celebration. Charlie laughs as Ellie tickles her belly and kisses her cheeks. You glance at Joel and see tears glistening in his eyes. You hold your hand out to him and take a shaky breath as he walks over, wrapping an arm around your waist and kissing your forehead.

"This is good, baby. Why are you crying?" You ask, and he shakes his head.

"She's gettin' so big." He says, his voice cracking, and you have to fight the urge to laugh because this is what you've both wanted for so long, and now that it's happened, he wants her to be a newborn again. You let Ellie slip Charlie out of your arms and hug Joel tightly. Because, of course, after years of being tough and broody, the thing to send him over the edge is watching his youngest daughter walk toward the love of his life for the first time.