#we are all agador

[notallsandmen]

Hear me out: Dreamling The Birdcage AU

[celisconfused]

The Bird-Locker-Room (aka. La Locker Room Aux Folles)

Having just rewatched The Birdcage in preparation, I am now ready to wildly speculate about how Ted Lasso episode 9 could parallel Folles. We have 3 confirmed queer main characters and 3 directions this can go. I could see each of these options happening individually or I could see some combination of them.

Side note: if you are in the US (or have a VPN) The Birdcage (1996) is currently free with ads on youtube.

Also for those who don't know, this weeks episode title "La Locker Room Aux Folles" is a reference to La Cage Aux Folles, a french musical with songs in the show's soundtrack. It was then adapted into the movie The Birdcage with Robin Williams.

Here are what I see as the essential elements of La Cage/Birdcage:

An elaborate scheme to overcompensate and hide one's sexuality

Well meaning character asks gay character to act straight

Media Circus

Drag (the fourth element of Total Football is Drag :) )

Option 1: Colin Hughes

Obviously, we know that Colin's plot line is going to play in the next episode. It's in the first line of the episode summary. Here are the ways I could see that playing out. Many of these I don't want to see happen but I am saying they could.

Colin concocts some kind of elaborate rouse in order to try to convince Issac that he is straight and those photos of men were just a joke

Issac asks Colin to be more careful in order to protect the reputation of the team

Issac takes Colin to a drag show to be supportive but the press show up

Some kind of interaction with a conservative politician. Could mirror Sam's experiences and change Colin's mind about wanting not wanting to be a representative for the queer community

Michael. Just think he's going to be involved

Option 2: Trent Crimm

Realistically, I think it is likely that Trent plays into this next episode mainly as an accessory of Colin's story. That said there is the opportunity here for a B plot that mirrors Colin's A plot.

Trent attempts to play off a boyfriend as a friend around the club (similar to how Colin introduced Michael in Episode 3)

Trent finds ways to subvert the media circus or throw off the trope. Think of this as: what the Birdcage might have been like if the reporters were gay and wanted to respect everyone's privacy

Less likely but what all the Tedependent girlies (ungendered) want, fake dating trope

Option 3: Keeley Jones

I don't think Keeley is going to play a major role in this episode simply because we have seen so much of her in the last 2 episodes. Typically we don't see the show focus on one character (other than Ted) for 3 episodes in a row.

Keeley as publicist could be involved in the media circus and/or subverting the media circus

Other wild connections to Ted Lasso that I made while watching the movie:

The Fiance and her family have the last name Keeley

Agador trying to wear dress shoes reminds me of Dani at the funeral

Armand's mustache and a certain other mustached protagonist

Things I'm hopeful about:

Jokes. One of the strengths of The Birdcage is that it is a comedy. It takes a very serious topic like coming out and makes it appealing to a broader audience by making it funny. I'm going to call it now, this episode is going to get backlash. By cutting it with jokes like they did in the Birdcage/La Cage, the reception might be better.

This being an extremely homosexual episode

Things I'm nervous about:

To many jokes. They are walking a line. We all know it.

Not enough drag. It's such an important part of the original but I can't see it happening in Ted Lasso

The fact that my mom is in town and will be watching with me

[darkpoisonouslove]

1, 3, 4, 7, 8, 9, 10, 12, 14, 16, 22, 23 for the choose the violence asks 🔪

1. the character everyone gets wrong

Faragonda. People either think that she's secretly a villain or that she's a meek, old grandma. The villain part is really annoying because people act like Faragonda sending the Winx on life-threatening missions is a writing choice made in regards to showing her character when it's a writing choice made for the sake of plot. The writers don't care how Faragonda comes off if they can get their little plot with getting the Winx to save the day work. It's true about everything. How come she spies on the Winx but never does it when they actually need help and she could save them but at the cost of interfering with the plot? Her seemingly keeping the Agador box (4x01) is just the writers being lazy with coming up with a new design for something that will be on screen for 10 seconds. Honestly, name one of her "shady" actions that cannot be explained as a plot convenience. The other side of the spectrum is honestly just... Are you blind? She clearly has a lot more backbone than people realize, yet when that's noticed, it somehow makes her a villain. I am tired.

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

Somebody implying that Daphne is at fault for getting killed by the Ancestral Witches because she chose to sacrifice herself for Bloom and she could have just let her baby sister get murdered if she'd wanted to save herself. What even???????? *flips table*

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

I block over too many wrong opinions or just a few opinions that are Very Wrong TM. So it's usually that. I don't try to remember what exactly made me mad.

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Roxy, kind of. I don't hate her but every time I see someone whining about her not being part of the later seasons and bemoaning the fact that she was supposed to be the seventh Winx but then dissapeared, I start to hate her... until I distance myself from that part of fandom. I think Roxy has much potential in her quality of being a foil to Bloom, someone with a very similar backstory but completely different feelings on magic and being a fairy. However, the writers are so hellbent on making her Bloom 2.0 that they completely ignore the differences between the two that they themselves wrote in and the fandom just makes all of that worse when they try to shove Roxy everywhere and force her into the same mold that the Winx fit into. Roxy should have gotten to decide for herself and instead of going to Alfea should have stayed at home with her long-lost mother. Morgana was literally the queen of the Earth fairies. I bet she could have taught Roxy everything she'd learn at Alfea and more, considering that Earth seems to have a different branch of magic altogether that probably differs from the curriculum at Alfea. Plus, that way she could have spent some time with the mother that is a stranger to her and she could have found her own path instead of being forced into something she clearly didn't want just to be like the Winx and, more importantly, Bloom.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

The idea that SotLK is a better movie than Magical Adventure. The way that Bloom makes headway in her search for her parents is so fucking random. We never learn how the Winx found Hagen, the English dub cut the part where Daphne explains why she now thinks that the Roc might have survived when, for 20 years, she believed it to have been destroyed, and the Book of Fate is the literal fucking worst plot device ever. It straight up tells them that Marion and Oritel are in Obsidian. Don't even get me started on the whole mess that happens once they get there or the search for the key to Obsidian. And the theme - if it can even be called that - is a joke.

Magical Adventure suffers from the fact that the scenes have to be in a certain sequence to make sense and keep the suspense but that sequence makes the story feel like two movies mashed into one. However, the two segments are not bad at all. Sure, there are things that don't work (ugh, that montage with the suitors - what were they thinking?!?!?!). But the movie tries to focus on Bloom's relationship with her birth parents, which the first movie completely skipped over. Bloom and Sky are actually somewhat likable. We see the Winx without magic which hasn't happened since when? Season 1? The Ancestral Witches are actually scary when they possess the Trix and the fights are interesting and creative. Plus, there is a coherent theme about how parents' actions affect their children (there was another nuance here that I can't remember now because it's been a while since I watched it).

Anyway, Magical Adventure supremacy.

9. worst part of canon

I already talked about all the bullshit in SotLK and besides I really hate what they did with Zenith. The source of most technological advancements and, of course, they made the whole society be logic-based and emotionless. I. Cannot. Stand. It! They should have made Zenith's technology come from a place of empathy, of wanting to improve life so much for everyone that they become too focused on their work and don't notice how they isolate themselves from everyone else, including each other. It would have been so much more interesting and they could have kept Tecna as a logic-driven person, who's not good with feelings because that's just who she is. She'd fit even better with Winx if she comes from a planet so dedicated to helping everyone else that they neglect themselves and their emotions.

10. worst part of fanon

Blorboifying Valtor. I'm sorry but if you think you want a real-life Valtor, you need to go outside and touch grass. Not to mention that Valtor stans in general seem to have a very distorted view of him. This man has the temper and anger management of a fucking toddler. The only reason why he manages to remain collected and calm a lot of the time is because pretty much no one can stand up to him and pose a threat to his plans and his ego. At the same time somehow people completely miss the fact that he's vain and self-centered and clinging so desperately to his charisma and skills because he knows that deep down he is nothing more than a monster that was created to be a tool for the Ancestral Witches and he hates that. He's practically in constant denial mode about how truly sad his existence is.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

Krystal! She's already at a disadvantage because she's introduced in season 5 AND is instantly shoved in the bullshit drama between Helia and Flora. I have seen people hate on her and call her a shady bitch when all she's done is be overexcited about seeing Helia and managing to defeat the Winx at volleyball and then realizing that maybe the situation came off wrong to Flora and trying to talk to her and tell her that Helia only loves her and he and Krystal are just friends. She's just an excitable teen and she's not at fault for Helia acting weird as fuck and introducing Flora to her as his "friend" as if they haven't been dating for 3 years. Smh. #JusticeForKrystal2kforever

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

Giving alien features to the girls. Like, I get it but it's always surface level because in the end it's so much easier to work with humanoid characters that you don't have to invent a whole new biology for. It seems completely pointless and usually doesn't come into play a lot. It feels like it's added more for diversity points rather than because it's fun or interesting.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Making Flora a drug dealer. The "Flora does recreational drugs" take honestly feels like people are desperately trying to make her interesting because they don't like her as she's portrayed on the show. And the idea of "Flora is okay with parts of nature that are dangerous and volatile" somehow always seems to lead to "give Flora a gun" when the two have nothing to do with each other. Flora wanting to protect all nature as it is is one of her defining traits. It feels like people are trying to erase her gentleness because they think that a mild-mannered character is worthless. Honestly, the show doesn't help. They make her empathy come down to "don't hurt it" even when the "it" in question is trying to kill her friends. They could have improved on that by letting Flora specialize in restraining spells that don't hurt the creature they're used on so that she can protect her friends and stick to her beliefs.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

The Company of Light. Even the writers ignore it because a) they did not think it through when they added that backstory and created several plot holes, b) they never did anything with it (for the last time - where's the fucking spin-off?!?!?!?!) and c) they constantly make all of the Company members appear incompetent and weaker than they are for the sake of the plot and letting the Winx in the spotlight. Give these people screen time! They are interesting and important! *cries*

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

I guess Blicy. I just didn't understand why Icy would want to date Bloom but I read a really good fic and I can see it now.

[dulcetash]

omgomgOMFGGGG so

Himself and I were yammering about TV, as we do, and I don’t remember the exact sequence of thoughts that led to these words, but they are the sexiest thing he’s ever said to me:

“Leverage and Ted Lasso: the crossover you didn’t know you needed?”

Jesus Christ, man, the kids are still awake. I’m hyperventilating. JUST CONSIDER the incendiary possibilities for mayhem when you team up:

Elliot and Roy (an entire episode communicating with nothing but grunts, exasperated looks, and evil grins)

Sophie and Rebecca (my god, EMPIRES WILL FALL)

Harry Wilson, Trent Crimm, and Leslie Higgins (CORPORATE empires will fall)

PARKER AND KEELY (help I can’t)

Brianna and Beard (they’re coaching the decoy team while Nate’s infiltrating Akufo’s Management)

Hardison and All! Of! The! Himbos! He has mad respect for Isaac’s throne and calls Dani “Agador Spartacus” because of his aversion to formal footwear. I don’t know the context yet, but there’s a scene where they all roll up on a party in multiple limousines with synchronized watches that are based on one of Aldis Hodge’s actual designs.

Oh god, this must exist even if I have to write it myself. I don’t have time for this. I must make time for this. @lurkerviolin back me up here.

[cursedpicsofmycats]

Introducing: the boys! We have Agador "Bepi" Spartacus (brown tabby), Monty (tuxedo), and Edison (grey tabby). They're all around 6-7 years old, I love them very much, and they're all terrible.

[glitchbirds]

have been turning the birdcage 1996 around and around in my head all day

i think its interesting that someone could probably look at this film and dismiss armand and albert’s relationship outright as wholly stereotypical on the basis of one of them clearly being better at “straight-passing”, visually, and the other being highly effeminate; essentially theres a clear “man” and “woman” in the relationship, very palatable for straight audiences and yes the film does lean heavily on stereotypes but 1: thats not always a bad thing and 2: thats a very surface-level (and, again, highly dismissive) understanding of their relationship anyway. because for one albert is better at passing as straight, at least once he gets into character as val’s mother; armand flails and fumbles trying to be as normal as possible with the conservative parents but albert flourishes. hes so “bad” at “passing” as a heterosexual man that it wraps into him being incredibly good at acting as a straight woman and- importantly- armand is never good enough at passing as straight for his son. he’s not as flamboyant as albert, but he still has effeminate mannerisms here and there. he decorates his home extravagantly with art pieces that are celebrations of gay sexuality. his son chastises him for wearing makeup. “dont walk unless you have to. try not to gesture. dont talk... too much.” ... his apparent masculinity in comparison to albert (and agador, for that matter) is not enough and never WILL be enough. (and even if he were the butchest gay man in south beach, it still wouldn’t be enough, because gay masculinity is not the right kind of masculinity. in straight eyes, its ultimately a perversion) essentially- the idea that all gay relationships have a “man” and a “woman” is stupid as we all know, but so is the assumption that a more masculine presenting gay man would truly be seen as a man on equal level with a straight cis man, ever

[bashhowardproductions]

Muppets Pride and Prejudice this. Muppets Dracula that.

The muppet remake we need (and i mean NEED) is Muppets The Birdcage.

Kermit and Miss Piggy as Armand and Albert. Robin as Val. Pepe as Agador. My vision is so fully formed, yet doomed, because Disney would never.

But i think its an important piece. Especially since it would keep us all on our toes about muppet gender

[the-sky-the-stars-the-sea]

Many women today: Happy International Women’s Day!!

Many men today: *googling when international men’s day is*

Me today: WE! ARE! FAMILY!! I GOT ALL MY SISTERS WITH ME!!! Don’t use that tone to me!!! What tone??? That sarcastic, contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you are a man, and I know nothing because I am a woman. You’re not a woman. Oh, you bastard!

I made you short??

What are pirin tablets?!?! It’s aspirin with the a and the s scraped off. You’re a genius! I know.

COME ON SHAKE YOUR BODY BABY DO THE CONGA-

When the schnecken beckons!

You do an eclectic celebration of a dance! You do Fosse Fosse Fosse! MOSSA GRAHAM MOSSA GRAHAM MOSSA GRAHAM or TWYLA! TWYLA! TWYLA! Or! Michael Kid, Michael Kid, Michael Kid, MICHAEL KID—or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna—! but you keep it all inside.

AHHH! What?? …I hurt my thing. Your what? My ankle. Just sit down on the-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH we’ve been robbed!! Back?? Where am I going??

GET YOUR PINKY DOWN—ARE YOU CRAZY?? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? Men smear. Smear? Yeah, they smear. Yeah—OH GOD I PIECED THE TOAST!! “Albert, you pierced the toast. So what?” You’re right! There’s no need to get hysterical! I can always remember that I can get more toast!

Actually, that’s perfect. I just never realized John Wayne walked like that.

Armand, you old so and so. How about those Dolphins?!

Can we … hire a straight maid tonight?? There are no straight maids in South Beach.

My sweet devoted Agador. I’m leaving you my stereo-No I don’t want it! And my wigs. Which wigs?? Alright I’ll bite. Where are you going? To Los Cospa. There’s nothing there but a cemetery. That’s why I’m packing light. You’re going to a cemetery with only your toothbrush. How Egyptian.

She works haaard for the money EH EH, EH EH so haaard for the money EH EH, EH EH

AH, there’s no point in my putting on shoes on sir, for I NEVER wear shoes, they make me fall down.

Coming—OOF! Perfect. It’s the shoes.

Hello! I’m home! I’m so sorry, but the traffic was horrible. Oh, you must be Barbara. Let me give you a hug!

The ‘d’ is silent in America. It’s … Cole de l’île de Man, or Cole of the Isle of Man, where Armand’s chateau is, Goldman in Greece where Armand’s work is, and the vulgar Coleman in Florida, where Armand’s home is-

I COULD HAVE DAAAAAAAANCED ALL NIGHT-

WHAT IDIOT SETS THE TABLE WITHOUT LOOKING AT THE BOWLS?!?!?!

What, you mean we just have soup?!?!?!

WAIT WAIT THERE’S SHRIMPS

Just shut up!! OOF! Just stop crying goddammit!! F THE SHRIMP!!!!!!!

It’s still me. With one, tiny difference. Well. Maybe not tiny…

WE! ARE FAMILY!! I GOT ALL MY SISTERS WITH ME! WE! ARE! FAMILY!! EVERYBODY GET UP AND SING!!

Anyways happy anniversary of The Birdcage

[imagine-loki]

The Naughty Poltergeist

TITLE :The Naughty Poltergeist

CHAPTER: #1 of ?

AUTHOR'S: lokilover9 & velvetzybanshee

RATING: M

NOTES: This one shot is based on Loki having paid penance for ruining Thor's coronation. He never fell from the bifrost, nor attacked earth and is now free. Not to discount his true history, we just thought he deserved some happy. As for Felipe, he's based on the Spanish character Agador Spartacus, from the movie  The Birdcage and speaks in broken english. 

EXTRAS: Madre = mother  niña = girlfriend  panocha = pussy

Original Imagine  

Imagine thinking your new house is haunted. No one knows Loki lives there because he's always invisible and conjures furniture as needed. Disgruntled by your presence, he behaves like a poltergeist until one day you've had enough."I'm not leaving! Show yourself dammit!" Nothing happens for days and you think he's gone. Then while giving friends a tour, you find him naked on your bed drinking whiskey. "Cheers, darling. You did say show myself." Only you can see him and he follows you around like that for the remainder of their visit.

Loki was content residing on Midgard. With Thor King of Asgard remaining heavily influenced by Odin, he felt displaced as ever and decided to travel abroad. It was aloud providing he didn't hide from Heimdall and returned were the realm threatened, but that didn't mean he behaved. Midgard's continents teamed with beautiful maidens and Loki spent months at a time seducing them across the globe. Yet an introvert by nature, the constant socializing became exhausting. He needed intervals of solitude to rejuvenate his mind and cock. Indecisive of where, he conjured a world map, closed his eyes and randomly chose a location. 

First attempt. "A Frost Giant in the Amazon? I think not." 

Second. "Middle of the Bermuda Triangle? Know enough aliens already, thank you." 

Third. "Inside and active volcano? Fenrir's arsehole." He scoffed. 

Fourth. "Very well. Maine it is." 

The god settled in a vacant Victorian evicting its two following buyers with  'ghostly' shenanigans. Yet to the king of this miniature palace's annoyance the next didn't frighten so easily. 

Alexis was proud having bought her own house after a long divorce. Closer to friends and hours from meddling family, she'd thought herself free of troubles until sensing the place haunted. While unpacking, items started going missing and resurfacing in different places like her keys, clothing and once her vibrator after an evening of ménage à moi, disturbingly appeared in her dishwasher the next morning. Doors would slam, electricity short circuited, faucets unexpectedly ran, but most disconcerting was a voice randomly whispering 'mine' into her ear. Whether in the shower, her yard, doorways, the ghost didn't care. Alexis burned sage, had the house blessed, held a seance with a local paranormal group, but nothing helped. When returning after a long day at work to find half the main floor repacked, she angrily shouted into the air. 

"Ha ha, trickster! You don't scare me and I am 'not' leaving!" She held up a large envelope. "This is 'my' crib and here's the deed to prove it. Show yourself dammit!" Nothing happened so she put everything back, showered, grabbed her vibrator and stormed into the upstairs corridor. "And one more thing! See this? Touch it again and I'll summon your ass with a ouija board and douse you in holy water!" 

Loki inwardly chuckled. 'I'll be sure to bring a towel.' When she fell asleep reading in bed, he snuck a peek at what had intrigued her. 'Smutty fanfiction? Tisk, darling. Who could your heartthrob be? The name sounded familiar so he googled it. 'Ah, the actor from Crimson Peak. Good movie, but I'm much better looking. 'A wicked grin curled his lips when she moaned Tom's name. 'Maybe I need to play a little 'dirtier.'

With the next several days uneventful, Alexis thought she'd frightened the ghost off when in reality he was buying time. Since moving her in friends offered extra hands in their free time, but it was her befriended neighbor, a single gay man with a flamboyant, funloving personality who'd helped the most. They met one afternoon when she peered over his fence to complain about blaring Salsa music as he hosted a pool party. Felipe was sunbathing in a yellow thong, wearing sunglasses with enough bling to impress Liberace and choked on a shot of tequila when she whipped a pebble at his head. He invited her over with a promise to adorn shorts, they hit it off and became besties. 

Alexis planned to have other friends over for dinner one month after moving in, but with all the goings on had postponed twice. Now with a set date, Felipe was invited too and asked what she planned to cook.

"Who said anything about cooking? I suck at it Amigo and prefer no one hurling on my lawn." 

She waved a take out menu and he dramatically gasped. "Chinese food for eight people? Where you gonna put up you blow job booth to pay the mortgage after?"

Alexis smirked. "You're such a slut, Felipe."

He shrugged. "Happy whoopie stick makes a happy me."

"I think I've forgotten what they look like." 

"I show you mine, but no touchy touchy." She laughed, knowing he was kidding. "Too long without sex causes brain damage, niña. How long its been for you?" 

"Since my ex and I separated nineteen months ago."

"Ay dios mio. I lend you my Dustbuster for the cobwebs down there."

"Not funny, Felipe." 

"See. Abstinence makes everyone bitchy. My sister Maritza too. She was happy single before becoming a nun. Now she's Oscar the grouch with eyes like the chucky doll."

"How come you can pronounce words like 'abstinence' and 'cock' so well yet not others?" Alexis teased.

"Don't make me spank you. Come, we go shopping."

"For what?"

"I help you cook. We stay home and talk about cock, mine will curse me in Spanish. He's lonely too."

Alexis slipped on footwear. 

"Why you wearing those?" Asked Felipe.

"What's wrong with flip flops?" 

He stepped onto the porch. "You need something sexier, like bitch boots."

"It's ninety degrees in the shade today."

"So?"

Loki sighed when the door closed, relieved for some peace. He thought Felipe annoying enough as a neighbor yet worse as a guest who never stopped talking. So much so, he'd pondered concocting a tongue numbing spell, sneaking into his house and applying a heavy dose while he slept. But knowing his flair for drama, he'd run panicked to Alexis in the Boo from Monsters Inc. robe worn onto his deck every morning, carrying a note pleading to stay and until recovering, would hysterically sob each time he couldn't sing along to one of the show tunes on his phone. Loki opted to tolerate him for now. He'd be gone once Alexis left. 

The day of feasting came and while she handled finishing touches around the house, Felipe prepared guacamole dip and ingredients for fajitas while mixing margaritas. Hearing music, Alexis snuck to the kitchen and started recording him singing to Bad Girl, by Donna Summer while dancing like a hussy. 

"Toot toot, hey, beep beep

Toot toot, hey, beep beep

Hey mister, have you got a dime?

Hey mister, do you want to spend some time, ooh yeah

I got what you want, you got what I need

I’ll be your baby, come and spend it on me…"

He startled when noticing her.  "Girlfrien', you post that on social media, I kill you."

Alexis propped her phone on the counter and joined in wildly shaking her chest. 

Felipe tried the same. "No fair. I need big titties like yours to jiggle. Next time I bring tangerines and a bra."

Loki secretly watched on. 'Fucknuts.'

The three couples soon arrived. One, old neighbors of Alexis, Blake and Deidre, the others, her friends, Sage, Lisa and their newest flames Colby and Grant. She started a tour on the main floor then the upper leaving her bedroom for last. Excited to show it off, she was already opening the door as they shuffled out of the second.

"And this is my creme de la...eep!" She quietly squeaked once inside.

The resident spookster sat perched against her headboard sporting only what the Norn's delivered him to the universe in and winked pouring himself a whiskey. "You did say show myself, yes?"

She hurried out, slammed the door and her friends froze on approach. "Erm..wouldn't ya know I forgot to make my bed. Anyone for a drink?" 

Alexis passed them for the stairs and cringed when Deidre spoke. She was nice enough, but sometimes persistent when it wasn't welcome. "Nonsense, friends don't care. Right everyone?" 

Alexis continued down. "Enter at your risk then." 

Felipe watched her rush by into the pantry, close the door, followed and closed it too. "What you are doing?" 

"I can't go back out there."

"Why?" 

"He's upstairs naked on my bed." She anxiously whispered. 

"Which boyfriend? I take up the wooden spoon."

"No, the fucking ghost!" 

"It's a man? Is he hot and what do I tell your peeps? You afraid to come out of the closet?"

"Felipe!" 

"Sorry, it's the margaritas."

"I thought you the one person who believed my stories."

He eyed her sympathetically. "I do. You want I go bribe him to leave with a mcsqeezy?"

"Will you be serious? Ghosts aren't supposed to be naked. One look at him and everyone will think I invited them for an orgy." 

Blake and Grant came down first catching bits of their conversation and quietly conversed. 

"Can't believe she's still imagining this ghost." Blake wise cracked. "I always told Deidre she had a screw loose."

"Nah." Said Grant. "Lexi's a smart cookie. Sounds more like she needs a man. There's one inside with her. Maybe they'll shag, knock some shit off shelves." 

Felipe stuck his head out the door. "You not so quiet, cumquats. I gay. You want I show you my jolly green giant and shag 'you' inside against the creamed corn?"

Loki rubbed the back of his neck. 'I sacrificed prowling beaches of the French Riviera for this?'

Hearing the ladies coming, Alexis approached Blake and quietly inquired. "Still peeing in your wife's pond at night, murdering her koy? I'd see you through my bedroom blinds. Who's a few cans short of a six pack?" 

"Oooh snap." Said Felipe. 

Grant nudged the arse. "Let's chill in the dining room. There's a makeshift bar and appetizers."

The ladies entered the kitchen. "Who's a nincompoop?" Asked Deidre.

Felipe almost answered but pursed his lips together when Alexis loudly cleared her throat. "You know, just my ex."

"He sure is, honey." 

"Your bed's made, girl." Said Sage. "The room looks great." 

They all agreed passing through while thirty year old Lisa's younger boyfriend lingered. "Pretty awesome digs ya got here."

"Thanks." Replied Alexis.

Colby slid his hands into his pockets. "Soo..Lisa says you think it's haunted."

"Yep."

He spaced out for a second, staring at the floor. "I once thought a bat in our house was my dead uncle Howie haunting my parents for selling his mannequin of Vlad the Impaler. But hey, sometimes weird shit happens when you're stoned right?" Alexis and Felipe were saved when Lisa called him. "She misses me already. Laters." 

"He looks fresh from his madres panocha." Commented Felipe.

"That's the way Lisa likes them. Says the younger they are, the easier it is to train them."

Loki rolled his eyes. 'Age is irrelevant.'

Felipe feigned fright by playfully biting his nails. "She bad. Maybe Colby wear a leash and bark like a good doggy for her?" He goofily imitated one in a deep voice. "Woof, woof..woof. Or maybe he sound like an angry chihuahua?"

Alexis smirked. "I have my own problems. A streaking phantom who now makes unexpected appearances."

Felipe gave her a margarita. "Cheers. These make everything better." 

Alexis gulped down the beverage as he watched with raised brows. "Thanks. Next time that streaker appears, I'll just ignore him."

"Next time I give you smaller glass. Go enjoy you friends, niña"

She gave a thumbs up on her way out. "I got this. Easy peasy right?"

Loki mischievously grinned. 'Darling, I'm just getting started.

[nicnacsnonsense]

A few days ago @whiteleyfoster did some lovely The Birdcage AU art and @poetic----nonsense decided we needed a full AU figured out, so they tagged me. Because I am now the person who figures out fusion AUs., Which honestly, that’s fantastic; I love it. Unfortunately I hadn’t seen The Birdcage before, but it’s available to watch on Prime, so I just took care of that. The bad news is I didn’t actually like the movie all that much. The good news is my problem was in the execution rather than the premise, so I do think there’s a good Good Omens AU to be had with two adjustments. One, lean into the wacky hijinks more -- this is definitely a wacky hijinks comedy kind of plot, but the tone of the movie was oddly serious a lot of the time. And two, I want to really feel the love between all the members of our little queer family. The movie tells us they’re a happy and healthy family, but what I was seeing was a lot of Val being mean to his parents, a lot of Armand being mean to and dismissive of Albert and a lot of Albert being overly dramatic and sensitive to everything.

Moving on to our characters. In Whiteley’s drawing they had Aziraphale as Albert and Crowley as Armand, which I get that, but I want to switch it. Aziraphale as the small business owner cismale who is obviously gay (I didn’t get any obviously gay vibes from Armand, but the movie told us a couple of times he was giving them off, so *shrugs*). Meanwhile Crowley is amab and typically presents male day-to-day, but also presents female at time and is slightly ambiguous in terms of gender. I also feel Crowley’s dramatic bitch energy is a better match for Albert’s than Aziraphale’s is. 

For Val and Barbara, Whiteley suggested Adam and Warlock respectively, and while I like each of those choices a lot individually, it doesn’t work for me once you put them together. Partially that’s a personal thing -- I know Adam/Warlock is somewhat popular but it squicks me out -- but also unless you want to genderbend one of them female, you have a gay relationship which kind of undermines the whole “gay couple has to pretend to be hetero to fool the super conservative in-laws.” I still think there’s a way you could do it, but it would take a lot of work. So instead I propose Newt as Val and Anathema as Barbara. (which weirdly makes the second time I’ve had Aziraphale as Newt’s dad. I swear I’m not trying to make it a thing).

I realize the immediate impulse there is if you’re going to use those two you should flip them: Newt as Barbara and Anathema as Val. But first of all I think if Anathema was Val she wouldn’t stand for lying about who her parents are; sucks for you Newt, but you’re just going to have to come clean. And if you put aside political views, these are actually really good matches for each of their families in canon. Anathema was a “professional descendant,” her entire life was mapped out for her by her many times great-grandmother, which is something of the ultimate extreme Barbara’s controlling family. Meanwhile’s Newt’s mother seemed very loving and she supported and encouraged his enthusiasm for computers no matter how many power outages he caused. Plus I do think there’s a great parallel in Crowley and Aziraphale having to hide their homosexuality from Anathema’s parents and the idea of Anathema being a liberal, occultist, environmentalist, feminist, general social activist, probably met Newt at an LGBT+ support rally, who goes home to her family and has to hide all of that and pretend to be a good little conservative Christian girl.

For the other major characters Anathema’s parents would be Anathema’s mom (obviously) and Gabriel I think. The idea of him as Anathema’s dad is a little weird, but you can’t deny Gabriel fits the super conservative senator mold really well. You could also use the Dowlings instead if you wanted, but c’mon, Gabriel fawning over femme!Crowley? That’s too funny, guys. For Newt’s biological mother I think Michael. She could definitely pull off high-powered exec who isn’t the least bit maternal, but is willing to show up for her son in this because of a sense of duty. In this version Aziraphale and Michael would have actually been dating because Aziraphale was still in the closet and in deep denial at that point, but they broke up when she got pregnant and Aziraphale wanted to keep the baby and Michael wanted to put it up for adoption the instant that baby slid out of her. (I also totally picture that after they agreed to break up Michael said it was probably for the best, seeing as Aziraphale was just super gay.) And finally for Agador I think Madame Tracy. Admittedly as a character she’s not much like him, but looking at it in terms of the function of the character as a comic relief zany housekeeper type, I think she could do a really good job as her own version of that.

A few other changes. The whole argument about “who’s the white whine for?” still happens, but it’s playful banter, rather than any sort of serious accusation of cheating. Then after the show Crowley and Aziraphale go upstairs together and surprise! Newt’s here for a visit. He tells both of his parents about his engagement at the same time. Then again when the issue of Anathema lying to her parents comes up, Newt approaches both Crowley and Aziraphale together and presents it not as something he’s demanding they do for him, but a problem to be solved together. Then Crowley and Aziraphale are totally extra enough to be like, zany hijinks, we’ll just fake like we’re the very straight cultural attache to Greece and his woman female wife. 

Except after a bit of prep work Crowley suddenly backs out as the wife, claiming he can pull of woman sure, but he can’t pull off housewife. That’s where Michael comes in. Crowley is the one who chooses not to go into her office -- he resents her for what he considers to be her abandonment of Newt -- but when he gets impatient waiting he coincidentally barges in at just the wrong moment to what looks like flirting/cheating (but we the audience know was actually something completely innocent) and storms off. 

Aziraphale goes to talk to Crowley once they both get home and his shocked and even a little hurt that Crowley would ever think Aziraphale would cheat on him. Crowley says, no he knows that’s not what was going on and he knows Aziraphale wouldn’t, especially not with a woman. So Aziraphale is like what’s up then, you’ve been acting weird ever since Newt got home. And Crowley admits that he is jealous, but not over any sort of fictitious other lover, but of Newt. Because Newt is getting married and Crowley and Aziraphale can’t (cause 90′s). And that’s why Crowley backed out of the wife role, because tt was too close to what he wants and can’t have. The two of them have a heart-to-heart about how much they love each other and how committed they are. This also means when Crowley does show up to the dinner dressed up as Newt’s mom, it’s a heart-warming moment where Crowley is silently communicating that Aziraphale is right, that it’s real in their hearts, and that’s what matters. 

[alternativewinxcontinuity]

will the winx alt. con. keep with canon relationships? cuz sky and bloom could be a dope couple with good writing, and aISHA AND NABU OHMYGOD-

TLDR:

Yes and No?Stella/Brandon are basically the same, while Sky/Bloom and Aisha|Layla/Nabu|Ophir are getting a little bit of a more obvious over haul they will still be A Thing.

Tecna/Timmy, Flora/Helia and Musa/Riven are... less so, like, if they happen as a romance thing, it will be a long time coming, or less obvious.

Mirta/Lucy& Palladium/Avalon are also A Thing, but more background than any of the others.

So in terms of ships in the Canon show: they are a mess. On the surface they seem plausible, maybe even okay, but the longer you look at them, the worse the relationships get. I've tried to keep the basics, but change certain circumstances so things are less... bad foundation-wise

Bitching and Alt Con spoiler alerts below the cut.

Stella/BrandonBloom/Sky (feat. Diaspro)Aisha/Nabu|Layla/Ophir (feat. Roy (&Nex))Tecna/TimmyFlora/HeliaMusa/Riven (feat. Darcy)Mirta/LucyDaphne/ThorenPalladium/Avalon

Final heads up, I'm about to say a lot of sh*t, and none of you have to agree, we all interpret things differently, I'm the kind of person who pulls things apart and finds the smallest speck of 'rot' and grows it in a mental Petri dish to see how awful things could be... that is a terrible analogy, but long-and-short-of-it: my opinions may be based on worst case scenario analysis, rather than any analysis you may use, and I am not saying you should not ship things, by all means, ship all the things.

I apologise for the high levels of in-coherency and absolute aggro.

Stella/Brandon

On the surface, this ship is changing perhaps the least because they're a “pretty stable” couple, unfortunately, they also began their relationship with a lie and that was never fully addressed in Canon. I tried to combat that by having Brandon and Stella 'test the waters' so to speak, with Brandon asking early on if Stella thought she'd still like him even if he wasn't a prince, and Stella later mentioning to Bloom that yeah, she would.

I say “pretty stable” because they don't break up every other episode, but their relationship is kind of... on the opposite end of the problem spectrum, like: “I'd jump off a cliff with no knowledge of what was below and no safety harness or ability to fly for you,” they've displayed a concerning level of co-dependency.

I tempered that a bit in the Alt Con, mostly be removing the situation where that (jumping off the cliff) happened, because it was the result of characters being sudden!dumb! But I also feel like, whatever universe, they'd be the kind of couple who'd get through rocky points in their relationship because they'd try to make it work because they are connected.

Canon treats them a little weirdly, because they are (excuse my language) psychotically-in-love, despite both being established as generally flirty people, but it only once really put the jealousy thing into play, in season 4 when the writers tried to make us take Mitzy as a 'serious villain' by turning her into Stella&Brandon's 'Diaspro problem'.

Alt Con Stella&Brandon are more reasonable, but are still very much 'our eyes met and something clicked' kinds of in love, but they definitely put work into a stable foundation, and were able to weather the SkyBrandon reveal with only a small wobble and some breathing space.

-

Bloom/Sky (feat. Diaspro) aka: the Drama Llama ship.

I think this one is changing the most, of the three main ships that are 'staying'. Alt Con Bloom&Sky didn't actually start dating until late in season 2, and are being very cautious with their relationship.

Unlike Canon Sky, Alt Con Sky was hesitant to begin a relationship when he knew he would have to end it, and knowing it would be a douche-bag move. Likewise, Bloom's Canon displayed empathic ability came into play, warning her that Sky was hiding something from her, and making her hesitant to even try dating while that was looming between them.

The biggest change with the Bloom/Sky dynamic is that it didn't start under falsehoods, and Diaspro was treated with the respect she deserved, rather than an unwanted crazy ex (even before she was the ex).

Canon Sky was a cheater, pure and simple, we've (probably all) talked the matter to death over the years, and there's no interpretation where what he did and didn't do, was okay. But it also explains his later douchey behaviour: people who cheat are more likely to suspect others of cheating.

Canon Sky has always been quick to jealousy, see season 2's full on stalking bullshit, and of course the thing with the FrEaKinG unicorn.

And of course, since he did start his relationship with Bloom as a cheater, Bloom knows he has a history of cheating, and cheaters don't typically 'find the right person and change their ways forever'. Sorry, but they don't, which explains why Bloom is so ready to believe Diaspro is succeeding in stealing Sky back, whether she actually is or not.

Canon Bloom/Sky have no trust foundation, like zero, none, maybe even negative trust foundation.

Fixing that was simple: I didn't let them get together while there were lies to be had.

Now, love her, hate her, pity her, Diaspro is a huge part of the Canon relationship, so I do have to talk about her.

Canon treats her like an increasingly manic instant drama dispenser, and I think we're all sick to death of it, not just because Diaspro has become more and more difficult to sympathise with, but because we're sick of the Bloom/Sky (relationship-status: “Yoyo's would be dizzy by now”) continuity.

But she's a princess, which means she should be more politically aware than what she is in Canon, she's marrying in to The Royal Family of Eraklyon. Sky's already there, he's set, he is the 'scheduled in in pen' Future King of Eraklyon, he ain't got to do shit.

Diaspro does. She has to be liked by the current king and the people, even if not her future husband, her marriage is a job.

So Alt Con Diaspro gets to do 'diplomacy' first, she gets to make first contact with the Winx, rather than being randomly attacked by a crazy ass fairy and being humiliated in public.

But this also means that Bloom wasn't humiliated in public, because Alt Con Diaspro was tactful in revealing the truth about the SkyBrandon switch. (Because the switch wasn't actually life or death protection.)

That whole first meeting in Canon was disaster from the word go, and put such a taint on the relationship that it's season 8, and the writers are apparently still trying to beat that dead horse.

The main thing that stops Bloom/Sky from moving past their beginning in Canon, is that they just don't communicate. They run into the slightest problem and suddenly they're breaking up and they stop trusting each other and its the end of the world and boohoo, blah blah woof woof.

They get back together as a matter of course, like its on a freaking check list for the writers to tick off, but they never really deal with what happened. It's all: Inciting incident, zero to sixty in three point five break up, way too long stealing the B plot's screen time being pouty and childish, 'oh we were wrong and are back together now without dealing with the actual problem because there wasn't one we're just dumb.'

Starting them off with knowing that they have an attraction to one another, but listening to a combination of common sense/basic decency and intuition so they wait until they're at a place where they can be honest and upfront about what needs to be spoken about, rather than having them run head first into what is nothing more than a revolving door of relationship drama was important for the Alt Con, because ain't nobody got time for that shit anymore. (Have you seen the new time line, it's condensed AF.)

The Alt Con also does something else I always wanted to see: addresses the fact that Bloom is now in a position to marry into a Royal Family.

Alt Con Bloom/Sky is a lot more tentative than Canon, they started of on a better foot, without that lie and cheating between them, but they're going into the relationship knowing that if they work, and they feel like there's a good chance they will, Bloom will have to assume the role of Queen Consort of Eraklyon one day, she's not just dating Sky, she's dating his family and his Planet which means they have to take it slower and more seriously.

Spoiler alert for season 3 of the Alt Con: the love potion is still happening, the set up of the relationship though means there's less 'why doesn't he love me anymore' and more 'Diaspro was (not totally fine with it but) prepared to accept the change, this isn't like her,' and 'Sky and I were okay last time we talked, he wouldn't do this without telling me, something is wrong here.' (Diaspro is not a psycho b*tch/Mark of Valtor theory coming well into play here.)

-

Aisha/Nabu|Layla/Ophir (feat. Roy (& Nex))

So in Canon, Nabu and Aisha first met when Nabu just randomly up and stalked Aisha through Magix on her day off after their engagement was announced. And because apparently princesses can't date first boyfriends who don't lie about their identity, Nabu introduced himself as 'Ophir'.

Look, I get that he was shy and embarrassed or something? But what the genuine frick-frack?!

The writers have apparently never had romantic relationships before because that trend was really friggen messed up. Like... none of the relationships in Winx Club are what I'd call ideal and healthy, all of them have some aspect of 'oh god run!' to them, but Aisha got the short end of a ratty stick.

So Canon timeline (allegedly): Middle of third year, Aisha's home world is under attack and she can't do more than she's already done. Trying to take a mental health day with her girls, and this rando dude up and stalks her, then, because she's a decent person, she chooses stalker's life over the Magical Dimension (Agador Box), and it turns out, this random ass stalker has lied about his identity and stalked her because he's the fiance she never wanted.

And yes, they do eventually end up falling in love and choosing one another... right before he fricken dies less than a year later.

So you know, Aisha does her 'vengeance is me' spree, which was awesome but designed to put her in a bad light, let's be real.

And then: nothing, an extra heaping of man hate because Aisha is an angry-girl, but no one really addressed her grief after the fact, like you don't just wake up and get over the death of someone that close, and yes, I know that people do move on, but we never saw her moving on, she calmed down after an episode of revenge and then she was 'all good' bar the aggro-tude. She spent season 5 and 6 angry at everything male, then suddenly she was dating Nex and... I'm sorry, I do block a lot of the later seasons out, but I genuinely do not remember them getting together, they just suddenly were after a season of Nex being an asshole with an almost redemption scene when he saved Roy, who mysteriously vanished, despite sticking around post his job-arc in season 6, but I guess that was for drama.

I don't really care for Nex, but that's a complex and layered issue that is only partly about shipping, and only partly about the fact that he was an absolute asshole who almost killed Roy during training basically on purpose, even if I didn't particularly like Roy, I don't hate Nex either.

Aisha has had all the boys thrown at her, and it was annoying, because she never needed one, she sure as sh*t didn't need a second and a third who inexplicably 'won her hand' or whatever the hell happened there.

I would have been fine if Aisha had stayed single after Nabu, like, just because people do move on, doesn't mean she has to date again.

So, Alt Con, Nex and... urgh, 'Thoren' are persona non grata, because let's be honest, they were introduced for shipping purposes and Daphne/Thoren was the stupidest thing to ever be shipped in Magix, I apologise if you like the ship, I don't mean to start a war, but it felt like it was so forced and it came out of even less than nowhere than Aisha/Nex.

Also Daphne isn't returning to life in the Alt Con, sorry, spoiler.

But Nabu isn't dying either. (I thought about it, but it was a stupid drama grab, so it's been chucked and set on fire. I did have an idea of a plot line for the closure, involving Nex as the son of a Valkyne who'd left Waltevy, and him taking Aisha to say a proper goodbye to Nabu, and freaking waiting for her to be ready to date again and just being a decent friggen person... but, yeah, nah.)

Salvaging Roy, even in Canon is actually pretty easy: Roy volunteered for the duty of driving Aisha around because he was actually good friends with Nabu, they went to school together before Roy joined the royal guard (or whatever), and while they never got the chance to meet while Nabu was alive, Roy wanted to get the chance to meet the young woman who stole Nabu's heart, the young woman who loved Nabu like he did. (yes, Roy is gay now.)

Boom! Roy: kept, forced attempt at shipping: gone, call back to that one dead character everyone loved in a way that could lead to closure: available.

(So yeah, Roy is also gay for his bestie in the Alt Con, but also understands that Nabu will never feel the same, and puts their friendship above his romantic interest... he might get someone one day...)

With the Alt Con, there are places where I want to run parallels, and the Aisha/Nabu|Ophir meeting is one of them, but also not.

Again, season 3 spoilers apply: Aisha will be meeting Nabu under the name Ophir, but it's not for 'nefarious purposes of deception' like Canon, it's just a misunderstanding no one cleared up until too late. Part of (Alt Con) Androsian culture is something called a 'Sidhe name', something that an Active magic user takes on when they achieve a certain level or status. Nabu's Sidhe name is Ophir, which he uses for important or official situations, like during the siege of Andros.

Ophir and Roy are showing up early on to take part in the defence of Andros, and to fight along side the Winx, not as love interests, but just as two guys who were available, who are capable and who are helping out.

'Ophir' and Aisha get along pretty well during the events, and Aisha's parents, having been quietly worried about finding someone who would be a good match for their 'not as courtly as she could be' daughter, reach out to Nabu's folks to see if he's in a relationship, and all parents get a little ahead of themselves which leads to the surprise engagement, which leads to Nabu tracking Aisha down to apologise and see if it is something she'd like to pursue or if they need to sit their parents down for a talk, which leads to the reveal, 'Ophir isn't my birth name, sorry, surprise I'm your fiance' moment, which is no longer a 'surprise your chosen-for-you future-husband is a rando stalker' event.

And because the parents went off the pre-existing mutual attraction rather than just up and picking a dude, it's less stupid when they get together anyway.

(I'm sorry but, Canon Aisha did not want to get hitched to some random guy, but he ended up being her first love? Urgh, maybe I'm just too jaded, but it just always hit me as a 'if you stick it out long enough you'll learn to love him, settle now to be happy later' message. I am so happy they did find love and happiness together, as brief as it was, but... come on not all arranged relationships end well...)

(And yes, Aisha will be taking Layla as her Sidhe name, because it is such A Thing within the fandom, I had to find a place to throw it in.)

-

Tecna/Timmy

Look, this ship is not a bad ship, I think I just don't like it because I liked that there was a romantic relationship that wasn't... standard hallmark romance or whatever. People aren't all the same, friendships and romantic relationships look different on different people, and I enjoyed that Tecna and Timmy were a... “bromance” style romance, that they knew what they had, and it was enough even if it didn't look like the other couples' relationships. If we had to have their relationship take up screen time, I would have preferred it wasn't a forced dinner date.

They were so uncomfortable, but as that damn subliminal message likes to tell us: 'normal dating is correct dating, your love is wrong, so in the end, their friends forcing them to do something they didn't want to do, and meddling in their relationship was “the right thing all along”'.

>:(

No, none of that in the Alt Con.

Tecna/Timmy is a lot slower in the Alt Con, because their friends are more respectful of their different emotional needs. Tecna is learning how to express herself in ways others can more easily see and recognise, but the Winx are also learning to read how Tecna expresses herself normally (for her).

Timmy is a capable leader, but also a bit introverted, while he can take charge, he's more of a team tactician, gathering the data and making it understandable.

Their relationship in the Alt Con is romantic, but it won't take up much 'screen' time, and it won't necessarily 'look' romantic.

Tecna and Timmy of the Alt Con are... shared spaces, quietly working on their own projects while in the same room, sharing tools as they work, they're technobabble too fast for anyone else to keep up, they're leaps in logic that only the other seems to follow in full, they're hooking pinky fingers together when they stand close.

They're slow and methodical and contented and they know where they are together, and they communicate well, even if they don't communicate like Brandon and Stella who do it loudly and with giant gestures and exaggerated facial expression, or Bloom and Sky who sit and hold hands and sometimes struggle to word things trying to make sure they're understood by the other because they're a little afraid.

Tecna and Timmy clicked quietly one piece of a puzzle at a time, and they know they don't do things like everyone else, but their way works for them, and that's what's important.

-

Flora/Helia

Look, I'mma be honest: this ship kinda irks me a little. It felt like Aisha showed up so Flora had to start the romantic process, because a maximum of 1 Winx may be single at a time. Again: this is not a bad ship, it just felt forced. (Like in Sailor Moon Crystal, how just because Serenity and Endymion were dating, their friendship group/generals/guards had to be exactly matched and dating each other too. This is not just my K/Z|M/Z shipper heart being bitter, it just always feels weird to me when this happens, like just because Juliet and Romeo had a thing, doesn't mean the Capulets and Montagues had to start dating one another... bad analogy let's move on.)

At this point, I have no plans for Flora and Helia to be A Thing in the Alt Con, but if it feels like there could be some natural development, I won't rule it out. Helia will still be around, he and Flora just won't be auto matched.

...I fell a little bad I don't have more to say about this ship... I guess... as 'blah' as I feel about them, even I think season 7 did them dirty?

-

Musa/Riven (feat. Darcy)

Ah yes, the other ship we probably all have strong 'fix it or end it forever' feelings for.

We as a fandom have talked this one over as well, we all know that no matter how passionate it was, the writers just could not let them get to a healthy place and stay there.

Any time it looked like these two dorks were going to be okay, and move past their rocky beginnings: NOPE! Misunderstanding because Riven is a 'Bad Boy' and Musa has abandonment issues which makes it hard for her to trust him... or something???

… honestly it's a little tricky to pin down exact reasoning with these two, because again, I don't think the writers have ever been anywhere near a healthy and supportive long term relationship, and they need to prolong the 'she can fix him if she just holds on' token relationship.

Because realistically that's what this one is, the ship that tells young girls that they can fix 'bad boys' if they just stick it out, that boys like that can be or want to be fixed and 'good boyfriends are prizes you get for fixing shitty ones'. It could have been so much more than that.

The problem is there was never any space where Musa wasn't 'in crush' with Riven or in a relationship with him, and there was only a few times when Riven got to not be an asshole, all of which were typically wipe away for status quo reasons within a few episodes.

So the starting point for these two (versus relationships) in the Alt Con, is Darcy. You all remember when Riven and Darcy dated in the first season, but it was so she could use him as a maybe spy? But she might have liked him for reals? But she totes dumped him like a sack of crap once he was no longer useful and once he did his redemption act, no one ever brought it up again?

I'm not the only one who remembers that right?

So Alt Con Darcy/Riven were actually in love, they met and clicked and it sizzled, and Darcy regretted having to choose between Riven and her sisters, to the point where she helped Riven escape, even though it ended up leading to her own downfall.

And Riven was genuinely in love with Darcy, even into season 2 and 3 he's still in love with her, but he's also trying to get over her, because she's a bad person who tried to rule/destroy the universe.

He had a shitty childhood, he has reasons (not excuses) for being the way he is, and being jealous of Sky's leadership position, but (and this is the important part) Riven knows he's kind of an asshole, and he knows he's not the nicest guy, and the one who wants to make Riven not an asshole, is Riven.

(Reasons: This is why I did the thing. | Excuses: This is why you should let me get way with it.)

Riven is relying on his friends, and yes on Musa too, to help him become a better person, but he's not leaving it all to them, they aren't forcibly shoving him down the road to redemption, Riven is taking responsibility and trying to be better for himself.

Fixing him is not Musa's job, she's just a friend who's supporting another friend on his road to self improvement.

That's not to say that Musa has only platonic friendship feels for Riven, oh no, she thirsts for that capable warrior man, but she also knows that he's kind of an asshole, and a pretty face is not enough to make a shitty attitude worth it.

Though she still occasionally checks him out, (because she has eyes, she can look,) Musa has set aside romantic ideas for the time being, and after season 1 the two settled into a bumpy but solid friendship.

If Musa/Riven do become A Thing, it will be far down the road after a long term friendship, once Riven has gotten to a place where he feels both okay with who he is as a person, and that he has moved on from Darcy and can share his heart with a new person the way they deserve (rather than forever being second string to his first girlfriend) ((and because they grew together while they were growing as people, not her getting a reward for waiting it out)).

(Yes I do understand she wasn't some blameless victim in an abusive relationship as this rant may have seemed to indicate, these two were both to blame for their poor communication and hang ups, but mostly because the writers were ass hats. This show is designed for young girls, every message in it is first intended for young girls, though they can be shared with anyone, and because my brain: what's the scariest maessage that can be taken from this fiasco of a relationship? ^that shit^)

-

Mirta/Lucy

It was Canon, and I'll hear nothing to the contrary, but holy shit did Lucy keep running back to the Trix and treating Mirta like crap.

I am giving them a little more screen time, and an ongoing background arc, so I let them talk it out.

Alt Con Mirta and Lucy are in 'denial' (they just shy) about being 'together' as of the end of season 2, but they've moved past their fears of being abandoned by one another just because their lives and magics have taken them down different roads.

They'll finish figuring their shit out eventually.

-

Daphne/Thoren

… no, none of this. Just... just no, thank you. She's staying 'dead' and he doesn't exist.

-

Palladium/Avalon

So in Canon, Palladium had a crush on who he thought was Avalon, but was actually a monster in disguise. This was never addressed, nor was any trauma Avalon may have suffered during his imprisonment, or the fact that people at Alfea would have acted like they knew him, when they didn't and that would have been confusing until he got to know them all.

This was a ship in it's infancy that never got to be, because it was based on even more of a lie than Bloom/Sky, Stella/Brandon, Aisha/Nabu in Canon.

The Canon of this ship was straight up (ha, pun) queer baiting, let's be real, so Alt Con switched a few key details.

1: Avalon was possessed by a demonic sleeper agent rather than an entire fake!Avalon, so the relationship actually happened, and didn't get retconned last minute.

2: The students ship it

3: Avalon feels like shit about being possessed, but he and Palladium are working through it together

-

End Note:

I personally feel like the two biggest problems facing the relationships in the Winx Club was the absolute lack of communication between people allegedly in relationships, and the writer's need for Status Quo Drama.

(Status Quo Drama: things that happen to create drama and are never truly solved in a satisfactory manner despite being 'resolved' by the end of the arc in a way that leaves all characters right back where they started while pretending their was some kind of progression.)

[agadorable]

Welcome to Tumblr, I guess?

Hello everyone...

I don’t have any followers or friends/whatever you call ‘em on here yet, so I’m not sure yet who I’m saying hello to. 

I’ve been trying to motivate myself to start a blog for some time now, and have been going through the normal insecurities: Who’s going to read it? Will anyone care what I have to say? Do I really want to put all my deep dark secrets on the internet? What will I talk about? Where do I start?

I guess I start right here. 

I was watching this documentary on HBO about Larry Nasser, the monster who sexually abused HUNDREDS of gymnasts for YEARS, 

.... and just like that I’ve lost the confidence to write anything. A few people just walked through the kitchen, made some food, took out some trash, said hi and chatted about what they were doing/asked what I was doing etc. That’s all it took and I’m embarrassed that I’m even thinking of writing my story. 

Just to clarify, these aren’t just my roommates, they’re my family. None of us are related, we didn’t grow up together, but they’re who I go to whenever I need help or someone to talk to. They’re who I go to whenever I need literally anything. They were all there when I had to take my cat to the emergency vet, and they sat in the waiting room with me for hours until we were able to go home. They all helped me through my awful divorce and moved my ex out of the house when he wouldn’t leave. They’re my emergency contacts, they’re the best part of my life. They have nothing but support for me writing a blog, wouldn’t judge or poke fun or even ask to read it if I didn’t want them to. For some reason though, I have a hard time accepting that what I have to say is worth other’s time. 

That being said, I don’t care who reads this. If you’re interested, that’s cool. If you’re not, don’t read it. To help you decide, here are a few things to give you an idea what I’ll be writing about.

*What it takes to survive in a place with a high cost of living and an entry-level job

*Living with three couples in their (mostly) 30′s under one roof

*Various rants about things that piss me off/make me happy

*Some uncomfortably personal stories of my life and how it’s gotten me to where/who I am

*Maybe some lists

*Maybe I’ll get my roomies involved in some story-telling. Or maybe I’ll just make questionnaires for them to answer while they cook dinner and I type in the corner

*Gross stories usually involving butt stuff, like shitting yourself as an adult or what it’s like the first time you poop blood.

*Triggery stuff like rape, abuse, body issues, PTSD, etc.

*My cat and his two roommates

*Maybe a bit about being quarantined and how hard it is to socially distance when you literally can’t leave your social... you know what I mean, there are a lot of us here

*Also, just wanted to let you know that I went to a blog username generator, put in a bunch of fake info (including my alias of Agador Spartacus) and it spit out ‘Agadorable.’ Which I think is awesome. If you don’t know who Agador Spartacus is, google it and then go watch the damn movie, it’s incredible.

That’s it! If you’re interested, please stay tuned, I’m really gonna try to keep up with this. 

Thanks!

-Agadorable

[queermediastudies]

I Know Why The Birdcage Sings

In 1996, at the height of Robin Williams’ career, the actor started in The Birdcage with Nathan Lane, Dianne Wiest, Gene Hackman and Hank Azaria. For being made in 1996, the film is seemingly progressive. You have a gay couple, Armand and Albert, who own a night club called The Birdcage in South Beach, Florida, with a son, Val, that is about to get married to a woman, Barbara. Barbara’s parents are right wing conservatives, with her father being a senator and after a scandal with one of his colleagues, they decide to go and meet the parents. When Armand (Robin Williams) and Val (Dan Futterman) try to get Albert (Nathan Lane) to leave, he refuses, and they come to the conclusion to dress him up in drag. In the end, everything works out, and the wedding goes on. This is not where my story ends though. Even though the film has its good moments, there are times of glaring stereotypes that plague all the characters, especially the gay characters.

Let’s start by talking about the casting choices. Robin Williams, a terrific character actor, is cast as the “straight acting” gay man who is married to a flamboyant partner, played by Nathan Lane. Of these two, only Lane is gay, which leads to the question of why there weren’t two gay actors portraying the couple. While researching the backstory of the movie, I found out that Robin Williams originally wanted to play the more flamboyant character, however, he decided to switch roles to give himself more of a challenge. This fits with the “best actor” idea that Dr. Martin (2018) presents in his research paper. He says, “In the process, when skill is centered, the ‘best actor’ discourse often results in heterosexual actors playing gay roles.” (p. 287). This idea that Williams was the best actor at the time is kind of easy to believe, after all he is Robin Williams. One argument that I think of in this situation is looking at the timing of the movie. It was the 1990s, Clinton passed Defense of Marriage Act and Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, two very strong pieces of legislation that stuck with America for about 2 decades. In the 90s you could name few movie and television stars that were out, still had careers, and still in good graces with the public. This was before Ellen’s dog, before Doogie Howser, M.D. became Doogie Howser, gay M.D. and before Gaga invented gay people with Born This Way (before some of y’all say “Gaga didn’t invent gay people” and get upset, it’s a joke). 

Gay actors weren’t really around at the time of The Birdcage and maybe that’s why there was no casting of two gay men. Hell, Nathan Lane wasn’t even out at the time of his role, so imagine how hard it would be to find two out, gay actors.Williams’ character, however, is not the worst part in terms of acting or portrayal in the movie. In second place, Nathan Lane’s character as a stereotypical gay man is pretty egregious. The drag performer turned mother is a hard pill to swallow, especially in this day and age and after taking this class. He is the over the top, flamboyant gay man most queer scholars have come to disdain. However, his cultural interpretation of the character is important to the idea of queer cinema. It’s almost as if you want him to be over the top so someone who would walk in mid movie could look at him and go, “he’s gay and this is a gay movie.” If he was the same type of person as William’s character, you would almost forget that they were in a committed relationship. In their article about queer media, Yvonne Andersson (2002) says, “While the essentialist suggests identity is a rather fixed, unchanging and authentic set of characteristics which unify a group of people- based on nature/biology and/or  their common past- the nonessentialist focus on a difference both inside and between those groups and suggest that identity is something that changes over time…What the non-essentialist definition also points at is that identity is not just about identifiable characteristic, something we can see, count and use as an objective tool for grouping people. Identity and its constituents is very much about meaning.” (p. 4) Lane’s character is an identifiable member of the LGBT community that was very much unseen in popular culture in the 1990s, no matter how stereotypical he may have seemed. As Cavalcante (2017) points out, “At the same time, other participants welcomed the opportunity to perform as cultural interpreters. They perceived the incursion to speak as less of a burden and more of an opportunity to take part in a larger social conversation- a conversation from which they often felt excluded by virtue of having stigmatized and disenfranchised identity.” (p. 11)

  What we can’t overlook about the movie, however, is the portrayals of queer people of color, especially Hank Azaria’s character Agador Spartacus, the Guatemalan housekeeper. Not only is Azaria not of Latin decent, but his stereotypical portrayal of a Latino/a housekeeper is almost unbearable. I would compare it to Mickey Rooney’s character in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. However, this is a discussion for a class about race and stereotypes as well as white washing in films, rather than an in-depth exploration of the characters sexual identity. One could argue that both Lane and Azaria’s characters are the same stereotype that has been harmful to the queer community for years: the idea that every gay man is flamboyant, wants to be a drag queen, dramatic and over the top. These ideas have been fought against in recent years, but we are still feeling the ripple effect from years past.

Both Lane and Williams command the stage when they take part in the movie, and because of this, the movie stands out as a good piece of queer cinema. Ahead of its time for its portrayal of gay couples, The Birdcage is a must watch for anyone that wants a good laugh, doesn’t want to over analyze the movie, or just wants something on in the background while they browse social media. Though it does have its problems, the movie holds up to the test of time in a way that few queer movies have. There is a sense of timelessness of the story that resonates with so many people, that it is hard for one to absolutely hate the movie for anything other than the character traits and stereotypes that I have mentioned. If you have not seen the movie, I would suggest watching it one night when you have nothing to do and be open minded of the way characters are portrayed and acted. Afterall, we are all family and The Birdcage really does sing.

 Andersson, Y. (2002). Queer media? Or; What has queer theory to do with media studies. 23 Conference and General Assembly, IAMCR. 1-10. Accessed via Canvas module page: https://ucdenver.instructure.com/courses/392242/files/7295429?module_item_id=1541735

 Cavalcante, A. (2017). Breaking into transgender life: Transgender audiences’ experiences with “first of its kind” visibility. Communication, Culture & Critique. 1-18. Accessed via Canvas module page: https://ucdenver.instructure.com/courses/392242/files/7295434?module_item_id=1541747

 Martin Jr., A. (2018). The queer business of casting gay characters on U.S. television. Communication Culture and Critique. 11. 282-297. Accessed via Canvas module: https://ucdenver.instructure.com/courses/392242/files/7299898?module_item_id=1543720

[narcisbolgor-blog]

The Secrets of Instagrams Most Famous Dogs

When you first meet Winston, you would not guess that this 6-year-old Corgi who loves to play fetch and eat his favorite treats is different from any other dog.

Aside from his playful demeanor and his handsome smile, Winston is actually a growing celebrity icon on Instagram, with a following of over 200K on Instagram.

Honestly, I was quite perplexed, Tina Kim, Winstons owner, said to The Daily Beast while she was playing fetch with him in her Manhattan apartment. It turned into a business that we totally did not anticipate. If I have to be honest, my husband and I are little bit overwhelmed just because social media is not our usual space.

Kim is a 32-year-old health policy professional at The New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, and the creator of Winston the White Corgi on Instagram.

While most Pembroke Welsh Corgis come in five colors (red, red-headed tricolor, black-headed tricolor, sable, and fawn) with a white trim, Winston is an extremely rare type of Corgi who has an all-white coat.

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Winston is just one of the many dogs who have become social media and pop culture icons, changing the lives of their owners, both personally and professionally.

Alex Taub, the co-founder of SocialRank, a social media analytics company and website, told the Daily Beast that the trend of creating a social media account for a pet started at the peak of Facebooks rise in the early 2010s.

Owners would simply post pictures of their pets on their personal profiles. From there, outsiders who saw the pictures and wanted more content expressed their interest via likes, comments, and shares.

This in turn pushed owners to open a separate account for their pet, allocating a special space dedicated to this specific content. When Instagram rose to popularity, owners and dog-followers alike took to the social media platform that was made specifically for photography and videos.

I feel like Instagram, at least your feed, is a different world than a lot of other things, Taub said. When you open up your Instagram account its usually pretty and flowery, and theres a cute dog. People follow dogs because theres an aspect of escape.

Aside from Winston, other popular dogs on Instagram include Loki the Wolfdog, a husky, wolf, and malamute mix at 1.7 million followers, Jiffpom a Pomeranian with 8.1 million followers, and Tuna Melts My Heart, a Chihuahua and Dachshund mix at 1.9 million followers on Instagram.

Other popular Instagram dogs that are up and coming include Chloekardoggian with a following of 154K, Agador aka the PoochOfNYC with 121K followers, and Tibby the Corgi, who surpassed Winston with 230K followers.

People just loved the way he looked, Kim explained of Winston. When we first got him in 2012 he was gray and white. Over time he turned lighter, and those who are familiar with Corgis were asking us why our Corgi was not the typical color.

Although Winstons rare white coat definitely helps him stand out from other Corgis (which is a genetic mutation not purposefully bred), other dogs on Instagram that are more famous than him had to rely on constant branding and content creation to be where they are now.

For example, Doug the Pug, the self-proclaimed King of Pop Culture, has over 10 million followers across all of his social media platforms, and even has his own book and line of merchandise.

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Its changed everything, Leslie Mosier, Dougs owner, told The Daily Beast over the phone. Because of Doug, the relationship between my fianc and I developed, and weve grown a business together. We travel the world together and it has been amazing.

Mosier got Doug from a reputable breeder in 2012, and has managed Dougs presence as her 24/7 job. Because of Dougs immense popularity he has made appearances with celebrities like Ed Sheeran, Katy Perry, and Justin Bieber.

Mosier attributes her background in marketing and graphic design as the reason why Doug, who is just a regular pug, was able to become such a celebrity.

I had all of Dougs social media pages looking really professional and branded, Mosier said. We kept capitalizing off of the growth and kept putting content out.

Doug first went viral in March of 2015 when Mosier posted a video of him running around a park in Nashville. Doug had a pug balloon tied around his waist, and the song Let Me Tell You About My Best Friend played in the background.

When Mosier woke up the next day, the video had over 20 million views on Facebook, and Dougs follower count had also risen.

My husband Rob and I realized that people like the photos, but they really like the videos, Mosier said. So that weekend Rob and I brainstormed what other videos we could make. We made a video of Doug dressed as Harry Potter and called that Harry Pugger. We posted that video and we got another 20 million views.

The couple continued to make parody videos of popular TV shows like The Walking Dead and Stranger Things with Doug as the star. After creating dozens of videos spoofing pop culture, Doug ironically became a pop culture sensation. Because of his immense following, Doug has also collaborated with huge brands such as Dominos for a short video promotion, and Target in order to promote and sell his merchandise.

I think its awesome because all of these big brands are starting to realize the impact influencers, Mosier explained. Now its to the point where its become such a normal thing within social media culture to have brands that prefer to have a post on Instagram rather than creating a commercial on TV because youre reaching to so many more people.

While Winston may not have as large of a following as Doug, Kim has approached, and has been approached, by companies such as PetSmart and Honest Kitchen to have Winston be a sponsor for them.

We are very mindful and making sure we dont put him in situations where hes uncomfortable, Kim explained, addressing criticism that she is exploiting her pet. If we try something new and he doesnt like it, we would stop. Thats where we have to be parents and dog owners first before we decide were going to through with an idea.

An indication of any truly successful account is the presence of any sponsorships, or source of income from content. Companies enjoy advertising on animal accounts since there is little risk involved when the mascot of a company is an animal.

Inherently a dog wont go on a platform and be racist or sexist, Taub explained. Youre not going to have a Tiger Woods scenario or a melt-down, or any major problem because a dog poses in photos the owner puts them in.

This branding can also extend into philanthropy work, which is something Julie Steines and her 3-pound therapy dog named Norbert have extensively built their platform on. Norbert the Dogs brand and goal is to bring positivity to the internet, whichwith a following of over 600K on Instagramhe can reasonably claim to have done successfully.

He has changed my life in literally every way you could imagine, Steines said proudly. I met my husband because of Norbert, I now have a daughter because of him, and I now started my own company.

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Norbert is a Chihuahua, Cairn Terrier and Lhasa Apso mix. Steines adopted Norbert through PetFinder in 2009 when he was four months old. After one year of training with Steines, Norbert became a registered therapy dog.

Because of his cute face, small frame, and calm demeanor, Steines and her mother felt that he would be perfect for a childrens book. So in 2013 the duo teamed up and published Norbert: What Can Little Me Do? The book went on to win 9 book awards and became the first in a series that featured Norbert.

My brother told me that everyone loved Norbert and that his book was so great that I should start a Facebook page for him, Steines recounted. I was like OK sure! not thinking much about it and I did. I just started sharing photos of him, and it was wonderful to see that people thought he was cute.

Steines put Norberts therapy dog license to use by having him volunteer at hospitals, schools, nursing homes, and other establishments to bring comfort and love to those who need it. Hes currently a volunteer at Childrens Hospital Los Angeles.

Like other Insta-famous dogs, Norbert has been sponsored by many companies. One of Norberts most successful collaborations involved Toys for Tots. For every plush toy of Norbert that was purchased, one was donated to the foundation, totaling at over 4,000 donations.

If we collaborate with any brands or companies on anything we always want to make sure its a good fit for Norbert and aligns with what we do. Steines said. If theres something we believe in thats worth sharing, I think its great for us to do it. But its certainly not the focus of Norberts platform.

Despite all of the notoriety and benefits that come with having an influential dog, owners are very well aware of the short life-span of their pet.

Most of these owners tend to take things on a day-by-day basis, and have admitted that while the future is uncertain, their dog will leave a lasting legacy. In Winstons case, Kim would like to perhaps give him a closing tribute video when he passes on.

We do think about it, but certainly not in a business way, Kim said. The future of Winston the White Corgi is unknown, but we would certainly want to think of ways to celebrate and extend his legacy.

It is not entirely uncommon for owners of social media pets to create legacy animals. These animals, which are usually the same type of animal as the previous one, are brought onto the same social media account as the previous one in order to continue producing content for followers.

People have asked if were going to get a legacy dog or a sibling for Winston after he passes, Kim said. Were not thinking about it in that way. All we know is that we have a dedicated number of followers who love Winston and are invested in him.

Taub explained that this business really is a dog eat dog world.

Theres a lot animal accounts, so I do think its over-saturated already, he said. I dont think its going away anytime soon. However, accounts that dont create good content, or are spammy or annoying, will go away. Like most industries, the winners will continue to thrive.

Despite the competition he is facing on social media, Winston does not seem to mind, or really care even. That does not mean to say that Winston has no drive or focus. In reality he does have his eyes on the prize, or rather the tennis ball Kim tosses around their apartment which he catches in his mouth with excellent timing and grace.

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[ralphmorgan-blog1]

This ‘blind’ robot can jump on your table and chase you in the dark even when its leg is broken

Forget Shark Week, it’s Bark Week on Mashable. Join us as we celebrate all the good dogs, which we humans do not deserve.

While people may never agree on the latest obnoxious Instagram update, there's one thing everyone can agree on: dogs dominate the platform, and deservedly so.

But with so many dog accounts on the site, choosing which doge to follow can be tricky. To celebrate Bark Week, we compiled a list of the best doggos, puppers, and pupperinos to follow on Instagram. 

SEE ALSO: Dog lovers bite back at op-ed calling dogs 'parasites'

From Doug the Pug to Winston the White Corgi, here are a few of the best borkers to ever grace us with their presence on social media.

1. Doug the Pug

“‪Any requests?” -Doug

A post shared by Doug The Pug (@itsdougthepug) on Jul 14, 2018 at 4:05pm PDT

Doug the Pug is one of the most popular pugs on the internet. As the self-described "King of Pop Culture," Doug has more than 10 million followers across all of his social media accounts, and is mainly known for viral videos that parody shows and music videos. Doug is so incredibly popular that he's posed with celebrities like Katy Perry, Justin Bieber, and Halsey, and he even has his own line of merch and a book. Doug's a very busy pupper, indeed.

2. Marnie the Dog

The marvelous mrs. marn marn haha that's just a joke #tbt

A post shared by Marnie The Dog (@marniethedog) on Apr 26, 2018 at 5:15pm PDT

Marnie the Dog is a 16-year-old rescue Shih Tzu known for her cute head tilt and elongated tongue. According to her owner Shirley, Marnie's head tilt comes from a brush with Vestibular Syndrome, which can temporarily disrupt a dog's ability to stay balanced. She's just fine, though! Marnie has a devoted following of 2 million on Instagram and counting.

3. Cumlord

he's beauty, he's grace he's a marshmallow with a funny face #cumlord #white #dog #pomeranian #japanesespitz #pets #petsofinstagram #beauty #toasted #marshmallow

A post shared by Cumlord (@cumlord_official) on Nov 24, 2017 at 4:55pm PST

Cumlord is a Pomeranian with a very distinct internet personality. He's extremely cute and floofy,  and his posts are bizarrely meme-like. From beggin for "lööps," to munching on "golden crunchy chimkin nuggets," Cumlord is a walking viral video that'll make you very confused and very happy.

4. Porky the Pug

#VIPug 😎

A post shared by Porky The Pug (@itsporkythepug) on Jun 5, 2018 at 8:19am PDT

Porky the Pug is another pug of Instagram who likes to sploot in almost every photo. She is a good doggo who likes pizza and modeling sunglasses.

5. Norbert

hi from me

A post shared by NORBERT (@norbertthedog) on Jun 26, 2018 at 4:27pm PDT

Norbert is an adorable three-pound therapy dog who loves to give high fives and bring smiles to children in hospitals. With his signature elongated tongue, Norbert is worth a follow for his cuteness and his volunteer work.

6. Miss Asia

📸: @valleyofthedogs

A post shared by Miss Asia (@missasiaxoxo) on Feb 1, 2018 at 4:20pm PST

Miss Asia is Lady Gaga's French bulldog and she is absolutely precious. When she isn't modeling for magazine covers with her mother, she's outside playing with her other Frenchie brothers, Koji and Gustavo. Be sure to catch up on her luxurious life by giving her a follow on Instagram.

7. Winston the White Corgi

Who said you can leave? 🙅🏻‍♂️

A post shared by Winston the White Corgi (@winstonthewhitecorgi) on Jun 25, 2018 at 4:24pm PDT

Winston the White Corgi is a big ball of white floof. While most corgis have a white trim, Winston has defied genetics by having an all-white coat. He's a very special doggo who loves to give his owner the "stank eye" whenever she comes home.

9. Menswear Dog

✨What I’m wearing to the marathon in New York ✨ #sponsored by adopt a runner program from @MassMutual to send out-of-state runners some home-grown love 💛👍 Sign up via link in bio #LiveMutual

A post shared by Menswear Dog (@mensweardog) on Oct 30, 2017 at 9:31am PDT

Menswear Dog is a particularly surrealist dog account on Instagram. The star of the account is Bodhi, a stylish Shiba Inu who looks like he came straight from a photoshoot. He may be a 10/10 on the fashion meter, but he is a 10,000/10 on the good boy scale.

9. Jiffpom

💗

A post shared by jiffpom 🐻 (@jiffpom) on Apr 22, 2018 at 2:10am PDT

Jiffpom is a unique looking pupper with more than 28 million followers across multiple social platforms. He's best known for his bobblehead appearance, and his incredible ability to execute a flawless handstand.

10. Bearcoat Tonkey

This boop was made for boopin', That's just what it do, One of these days this snoot will boOp all over you 🐻👆 *boop* . #SingAlongMondays #ItWasJustAMatterOfTimeBeforeWeTurnedBoopIntoASong #GoodDog #SheCantSingButSheCanDance #HeadBoops #HappyMondayAll

A post shared by Tonkey Bear (@bearcoat_tonkey) on Jul 4, 2016 at 3:24pm PDT

Bearcoat Tonkey is a wrinkly boy who loves plenty of cuddles and snoozes. His mushy look is typical of a bear-coat shar-pei, but from the looks of it, he's anything but ferocious.

11. Pooch of NYC

“Current relationship status 👫: Made dinner 🍴 for 2️⃣. Ate both. 🤪” #bastilleday 🇫🇷 #parisjetaime ❤️ #baguette 🥖 #available 😚 #agadorable 🦁

A post shared by Agador 🦁 (@poochofnyc) on Jul 14, 2018 at 4:36pm PDT

Agador, a.k.a. the Pooch of NYC is known as the "Bob Ross" of dogs for his similar appearance to the famous American Painter. He is always very fashionable, and keeps his hair in perfect condition for every picture that's taken of him.

12. Loki the Wolfdog

To look into the eyes of a friend, and forget a time when they were a stranger.

A post shared by Loki the Wolfdog (@loki) on Jun 24, 2018 at 4:57pm PDT

Loki the Wolfdog is a big doggo with an even bigger following. As a husky, malamute, and Arctic wolf mix, he's a huge dog who loves spending time outdoors. He travels a lot with his owner Kelly Lund, they take plenty of beautiful photos to share with their 1.7 million followers on Instagram.

13. Tuna Melts My Heart

When you’re hiding something, and not being obvious about it whatsoever. 🤫🤫🤫 Amazing sweater by @alqo_wasi via @leadthewalk

A post shared by Tuna {breed:chiweenie} (@tunameltsmyheart) on Apr 27, 2018 at 1:29pm PDT

Tuna is a Instagram famous dachshund-chihuahua mix who's stolen the hearts of his almost 2 million followers. His overbite and squinty eyes make him irresistible, and his cute outfits just enhance his handsome appearance. 

14. Maya the Samoeyed

Have a happ and booptiful day! ✨

A post shared by MAYA THE SAMOYED (@mayapolarbear) on Feb 3, 2018 at 7:05am PST

Maya the Samoyed is a very vocal dog. In most of her videos, you'll find her eating lots of food and interacting with her owner through various borks. She also likes to dress up and show off all of her floofiness whenever she can.

16. The Dogist

So, we have decided that Finn is too good of a boy not to keep. Also, we’ve fallen in love with him. We originally planned to take him to LA to find him a home, but we didn’t make it that far – we decided to turn around at the Grand Canyon. We, like many fosters before us, realized that we couldn’t go back to life before Finn. He had simply become part of our family. So, although the road trip is over, our journey with Finn has really just begun. So get ready to watch this good boy continue to grow up! We’ve created a separate account for him, called @KeepingFinn, where you can follow his daily life with his new proud father, Henry, brother to Elias (The Dogist). Cheers to @TheSatoProject and everyone who made this #RescueRide possible – we’re super excited to begin this new phase of life with a dog (finally) and stay tuned for more very exciting news coming soon!

A post shared by The Dogist (@thedogist) on Jul 1, 2018 at 5:50pm PDT

The Dogist is a photo-documentary series that compiles pictures of doggo, puppers, and pupperinos from over 50 different cities. Each post has a little story or blurb about the featured dog, and the account shares new posts almost daily. This one is definitely worth a follow if you want to see different dogs on your feed everyday. 

While these are just a few of the best borkers on Instagram, there are plenty more good boys and girls that deserve all the love, likes, and follows as well. The hashtag #DogsOfInstagram is a fun place to start.

WATCH: This 'blind' robot can jump on your table and chase you in the dark even when its leg is broken

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[megadarkbouquettidalwavethings]

Is Your Dog Ready to Be an Instagram Star?

What conclusions may be drawn? For one thing, Instagram puts a premium on superficial dog traits like cuteness over ones like intelligence or obedience.

“Instagram and social media is impacting everything, and influencing all kinds of lifestyle and consumer decisions, so it makes sense that it would influence what kind of dog people choose,” said Cameron Woo, the publisher of The Bark, a dog-culture magazine based in Berkeley, Calif. In that way, Instagram is like television was in an earlier era, Mr. Woo said. “Lassie” inspired a mid-century collie boom; “Frasier” propelled a Jack Russell terrier moment in the 1990s.

That was certainly the case with Aleksandar Gligoric, a dog breeder from Serbia who named his online dog store Frenchie World, in part because of Instagram. “People are considering Instagram worthiness in all aspects of their life,” he said. “I felt that the Frenchie would be the next big thing on Instagram.”

Almost Human

So, what dog traits are favored by Instagram users? Well, for starters, they like dogs that look like them.

Breeds like pugs and Boston terriers “really resemble humans, or babies,” Mr. Woo said. These so-called brachycephalic breeds, with their shortened heads, flat faces and barely there noses, “are very photogenic with their large, forward-looking eyes,” Mr. Woo said. “They appear to be grinning or smiling,” never mind that the “smiles” are often caused by breathing difficulties native to their breeds.

Pug owners don’t disagree.

“With their smushed-in faces, all the rolls, and their funny tails, pugs are the least doglike dogs,” said Leslie Mosier of Nashville, whose pug, Doug (@itsdougthepug), is one of the most popular pets on Instagram, with 3.2 million reputed followers. “They are more like humans-slash-pigs-slash-dogs.”

The breed’s almost-human face makes it easy for owners to anthropomorphize their pets with costumes. Ms. Mosier routinely plays off Doug’s perma-frown by dressing him — wrapped in towels, say, with cucumber slices over his eyes, looking like a moneyed divorcée taking refuge at Canyon Ranch.

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As actors or models, pugs are the canine equivalent of hams. “They were bred in China to sit at the emperor’s feet and entertain,” Ms. Mosier said.

A dog’s popularity can increase exponentially when it has a signature style flourish, the canine equivalent of Anna Wintour’s sunglasses or Pharrell Williams’s hats. Case in point: the Gene Simmons-length tongue of @marniethedog, a Shih Tzu rescue that at this point may be more famous than the real Gene Simmons, thanks to an explosively popular Instagram feed.

And if the canine flourish isn’t genetic, there’s no stopping the owner from creating one with careful grooming. Take Agador (@poochofnyc), a maltipoo with teddy bear looks who has appeared in ad campaigns for Google and a teaser for Katy Perry’s “Bon Appétit” video.

Agador’s explosive orb of copper-colored frizz is routinely gussied up into a spherical confection atop his head. It is a look that conjures the Bob Ross, the TV painter who died in 1995. And who isn’t going to follow “the Bob Ross of dogs,” as Agador is billed on Instagram.

“It makes him instantly recognizable,” said Allan Monteron, one of his owners. “People stop us on the street and say, ‘I follow that dog on Instagram!’”

Exaggerated features are a plus, too. Take corgis, those squat-legged canine courtiers to the queen. They are certainly hot on Instagram, with accounts that have “corgi” in the user name rising 200 percent over the past year, according to Instagram, and that cannot all be attributable to the breed’s occasional cameo on “The Crown.”

Every feature of the corgi works as a visual punch line: those oversize Yoda ears, the squat “Honey I Shrunk the Collie” body, the 50-percent-off appendages, which make the corgi’s movements particularly comical on social media.

The same may be said of bulldogs, the one breed that appears in the top five of both Instagram and the American Kennel Club. Outside of social media, bulldogs’ popularity will be assured so long as there are Anglophiles, Marine Corps veterans and college football fans in the state of Georgia.

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And on Instagram, where user names that include “bulldog” have seen a 60 percent surge in the past year, bulldogs check multiple boxes: They look like people (specifically, grumpy old men), have inherently comic features (the volleyball-size head, the tiny bow legs) and are easy to anthropomorphize.

The breed has also reaped a windfall of “it dog” publicity from celebrities, including Brad Pitt, Jessica Biel and David Beckham, for whom these homely little bruisers seem to make the perfect foil. The message seems to be: “Do not hate me because I am beautiful, since my dog is not.”

Mutts and Tripods

Because of their associations with the queen and the British Empire, however, both corgis and bulldogs seem out of step with the current vogue for rescue dogs and less rarefied breeds.

These days, pointedly aristocratic breeds tend not to pop on social media as much as dogs with quirky features or compelling back stories, said Elias Weiss Friedman, a New Yorker photographer who spends his days snapping pictures for The Dogist, a dog-centric street photography site that has a rabid Instagram following.

“I’ve found that people prefer the more real, natural dogs,” Mr. Friedman said. “Poodles seem to give off a pretentious vibe, especially if they have the classic poodle haircut. The older generations love them, but I think the younger generation sees that style as fake, undogly.”

Indeed, his two most popular posts have been a mixed breed puppy with funny ears named Larry and a 12-year-old Labrador with vitiligo named Rowdy. “People crave relatability, and see dogs as individuals with similar life challenges to themselves,” he said.

The right kinds of mixed breed — they were once called mutts — play well on social media, particularly if their features are camera worthy. A husky-malamute-wolf mix called @loki_the_wolfdog has become one of the 10 most popular pets on Instagram, thanks in part to his rugged “Call of the Wild” aura and head-turning looks (including mismatched eye colors and a silky coat that changes color with the seasons), that his owner, Kelly Lund, uses to poetic effect in his shots of Loki in the snow-dusted Colorado wilderness.

Many dog owners interviewed also said they see mutts, rescues and disabled dogs as a more ethical choice.

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“I think the most difficult question posed to us is always ‘Where did you get that dog? I want to get one exactly like it,” said Francis Bott, who owns Agador with his partner, Mr. Monteron. “It is simple enough to provide the breeder’s name, but we are big proponents of adopting rescues whenever possible.”

(They opted buy a hypoallergenic poodle mix from a breeder, Mr. Bott said, because their previous dog, a rescue Shih Tzu/Bichon mix, aggravated their allergies.)

Rescue organizations like the North Shore Animal League and the Brooklyn Animal Resource Coalition blanket social media with heart-rending photos of doe-eyed animals looking for a home.

Such social media efforts to raise awareness have led to a demand for differently abled dogs and so-called tripods, or those missing a limb, said Jennifer Nosek, the editor of Modern Dog magazine. One such unlikely Instagram star was Smiley, a golden retriever born without eyes, and with a form of dwarfism, in a puppy mill, who went on to become a widely publicized service dog in nursing homes and hospitals. (Smiley’s death last year, after a battle with cancer, was covered by the news media.)

“Perhaps it’s an antidote to all the bad news we’re so often bombarded with,” Ms. Nosek said. “These accounts remind us that there are people, and dogs, out there doing good.”

Either that, or such dogs just provide a break from the pressure that the rest of us feel trying to look too perfect for Instagram.

Take @chloekardoggian, a gray-whiskered 13-year-old rescue Chihuahua in the Williamsburg neighborhood of Brooklyn, with huge eyes and 153,000 followers. “Her ears go up, her nose goes right, her tongue goes left, and her eyes each go in different directions,” said Dorie Herman, her owner. “Everyone has felt like Chloe looks at some point in their lives.”

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ALEX WILLIAMS

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