#we both have ADHD ok. i clean a room put something in another room start cleaning there

[autoneurotic]

forgot i’m trying to move out by June (hopefully. our budget and savings have been good for the first time since like. 2020) and my place is just soooo hit. it’s so bad. i’ve been here for like fiiive? years now? we have so much shit. why do i have two coffee tables and five end tables. why do i have a non-functioning sewing machine just taking up space. no less than seven laptops in this place and only one works. we suffer both from Well Maybe We’ll Need This Later Or Can Get It Fixed Later syndrome.

[hetacon]

The Messages in Blue Ink

Word Count: 1,350

Pairings: Logicality, Background Prinxiety, Background Platonic Logince, Background Platonic Analogical, Implied Platonic Moxiety

Warning: None that I can think of!

______________________________

Summary: Logan writes helpful notes to himself due to his ADHD. He wished other writing would appear though...

______________________________

Note: This is for @artissijam’s birthday, decided to do a cute little soulmate AU for her! I love you so much Jules!!! It’s not much but I really hope you like this you funky and wonderful human being, I’m so glad we’ve become friends!!

______________________________

Logan never could remember things, it was quite an issue that he dealt with. It figures, seeing as he had ADHD but regardless, it was still annoying.

Due to that though, he started writing reminders to himself anywhere he could. Hands, arms, even his legs on the rare occasion. It was honestly just the easiest way to keep track of things. He didn’t have to worry about wasting paper or sticky notes or have his phone die on him. It was reliable.

During the time he was trying to focus on his paper for one of his classes, his roommate Roman made a passing comment about buying some more paper towels when Logan would be going out that afternoon. So as usual, but of course with a sigh, Logan took his pen out from his pocket and wrote down the item on his list.

He probably should wash off the note about calling his parents, he did that yesterday.

With that though, he tried to focus back on his paper.

This system of his had been working for years, he’d always been able to focus much more on all of the tasks when he could actually remember what they were. Figures but hey, he had to work with what he got.

He got to thinking about if he had other writing on his arms though...

Normal people would have conversations with their soulmates on their skin, maybe doodles such as the ones that adorned Roman’s and Virgil’s wrists and the backs of their hands since the latter of the two was quite the artist. Normal people would know their soulmates, have already met them at this point, or at the very least, have had a conversation with them. Logan wasn’t a normal person though in that he didn’t have any conversations with his soulmate. He’d never seen anything appear on his skin other than what he himself wrote.

He didn’t even know if he had one.

He didn’t often think much about it but as he was hanging out with Roman and Virgil one weekend, he watched as Virgil drew on his wrist with a purple pen, the ink blooming over Roman’s in response. Roman watched intently with a dorky grin, his head resting against Virgil’s. They were in their own little world.

“Guys?” Logan finally asked, setting his book down.

“Yeah Lo? What’s up?” Virgil asked, not looking up from his arm as he drew, Roman’s gaze turning up to Logan however.

“What would you do if you didn’t have a soulmate?”

Virgil stopped and put his pen down, looking up in confusion.

“Just hypothetically,” Logan muttered, looking up grimly at his friends.

“Dude, I’d still be in New York for one thing. Wouldn’t have ever met you and Ro in the first place,” Virgil offered.

“And I wouldn’t have started majoring in theater if he hadn’t encouraged me!” Roman said with a hum, kissing Virgil’s cheek.

Logan shook his head. “No, I mean like... How would you react or feel? You know, knowing you have no one ‘destined’ for you.”

Both of them blinked at Logan.

“I’d be a little sad I guess..” Virgil said slowly. “But I know I’d still have the capability to make friends, right? Not having a romantic partner isn’t the end of the world.”

“Right! And you have us!” Roman said with a smile, reaching out to place a hand on Logan’s shoulder, shaking him a bit. “It’s going to be just fine.”

Logan couldn’t stop himself from sighing. He loved his friends but still, a soulmate would be nice...

He would be lying if he said the subject of soulmates didn’t occupy his mind for long. He thought about it often, questioning things for months.

Every time he wrote out an item on his grocery list, he’d wonder if he had a soulmate. Every time he hastily scribbled down instructions for an assignment, he’d ask himself why they wouldn’t have written to him if he did have one. Every time he put down a note to himself to pick up his dry cleaning, he’d think about if he even wanted a soulmate.

It finally came to a point where he was fed up with everything involving soulmates and he rushed to the bathroom, washing off all the ink. Once his arms were dry, he sat in his room, looking down at his arm, a pen in hand.

His day had been awful and honestly, Logan just wished someone was there on the other end, seeing his writing.

He took a breath and started to write.

“Please just tell me, is anyone reading this? Do I have a soulmate?”

Logan was about to get up, only to watch as blue ink appeared under his own words written in black.

“Oh my gosh, hi, yes you do!”

“Hello, my name’s Logan Mandel.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you Logan, this is Patton”

“I like your name.”

“Thank you, I like yours too! It suits you!”

Logan felt his cheeks grow warm. Who was this person??

“You don’t know anything about me, I can’t see how you could tell.”

“Well, I have been seeing everything you’re writing... I know you’re a physics major for one thing. You also forget things a lot I take it. Though that’s ok, I think it’s cute that you write little reminders to yourself! And you keep in touch with your parents or at least want to! You seem like a swell kinda guy, Logan!”

“Thank you I suppose.”

“No problem!”

Just as Logan was about to start writing more, Patton quickly scribbled something below his last message. “I’m sorry, I’m cooking and need to take care of something! I’ll talk to you later!!”

Logan forgot all about his day.

With that interaction, Logan’s right arm became were he’d interact with Patton, his left for notes to himself and all of his lists. He took a quick liking to Patton, he was incredibly sweet to say the least but as they got to know one another, one thing bothered Logan.

“Why didn’t you ever write to me before?” Logan wrote, a bit out of the blue.

Patton was punctual and quick to respond as always.

“Well, I saw the things you kept track of! You needed the space more, I wanted to give it to you <3”

“But you don’t have to do that, I like talking with you Patton.”

“Well we could always meet up so we wouldn’t have to ;D I’m just teasing though, that’s up to you”

“I’d like that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They lived in the same city, he was one of Virgil’s other friends. Patton was meeting him at one of Logan’s favorite coffee shops today.

“Almost there!” Patton’s writing appeared on Logan’s arm.

“Alright, I’ll be waiting for you.”

Logan kept his eyes glued to the door as various people came and went from the coffee shop, clutching his arms tightly to himself. He saw a guy come in. It had to be Patton. He didn’t know what he’d do if it wasn’t, he wouldn’t want just any random stranger to have just walked in a sky blue skirt and white off-the-shoulder crop top sweater.

Oh goodness, Logan couldn’t do anything but stare at him, he looked so wonderful. He looked so soft and gentle, everything Logan wanted to see from his soulmate.

Before he knew it, that guy got his drink and went directly over to him with a smile, showing his arms as he sat down.

The ink matched.

Logan could only keep staring at Patton.

He wanted to count out all the freckles adorning Patton’s cheeks like stars.

Logan’s cheeks turned red but nowhere as lovely a shade as the natural pink of Patton’s face.

Logan couldn’t think.

“Hi,��� Logan breathed out.

“Hi, Logie” Patton said back, a smile on his lips as he leaned forward to gently kiss Logan’s cheek.

______________________________

Taglist: @artissijam, @virgils-paranoia, @marshmallow-the-panda, @anotheregofanficblog

[firepiplup]

How do i say no to people

You know that analogy about people with adhd having spoons for energy management or whatever? My spoons are on backorder from like 2 months ago and more got on that list now

The problem is that all of the things I'm being asked to do are Very Important Things

I have to feed my diabetic cat. This in itself is not a problem, however she's needs to eat at a specific time (12 hour spacing) and my current sleeping situation along with work do not allow this to happen consistently. Currently trying for 7:30, we'll see how it goes

My apartment has bedbugs, and there's no way in fucking hell I'm sleeping on my living room floor until my scumlord landlord actually gets the guy to come back to spray because he did spray but I'm still seeing adults and i "need to give the spray time to work" it's been fucking 2 weeks i don't know how is supposed to work but i feel like after 2 weeks whatever spray you did isn't going to get any stronger i just want to sleep in my own bed it's been like this since fucking March

With that part explained, I'm sleeping at my mom's house on the other side of town. This in itself isn't much of a problem, however as "payment" i have to take care of her dog in the morning, to practice because she's going on a week long vacation in October and none of her dogs can just be taken care of like normal dogs. He needs to wear a diaper to leave the room while i pick up his shit and soiled weewee pad and mop the floor, give him some time to be out of his room, and then feed him his special food mix. The other dog has allergies and probably will get into something he shouldn't, then not use the bathroom outside even though he literally has a doggy door that has constant access to the backyard. Neither dog get along with each other, which is why they are separated. Thank fuck the cat is just normal, this is why i prefer them

Now with THAT explained, it's difficult to take care of my own cat on time in the morning. But as the legendary Billy Mays says: But wait, there's more!

I just got rehired at my job working in a local understaffed pizzeria. My friend, ego also works there, is on vacation (good for her, she deserves it, absolutely no negativity towards her) so i have acquired her hours. So i now work 6 days a week, kinda sorta clopen but i guess it's more of opelose. Or a combination of both? Idk. The point here is, I'm then dealing with essentially running half a restaurant alone 6 days a week, with it not being 7 purely because the owner himself ALSO has the same work schedule as far as I'm aware, and wanted to give himself a day off, and since we are so understaffed it would be impossible unless we literally closed. My tasks include answering the phone, washing dishes, making sandwiches, making dinners, folding pizza boxes, and cleaning the tables/equipment on that side of the restaurant. So essentially everything except making pizzas, cleaning the pizza area, mopping in general, and driving. We generally close at 9, 10 on Friday and Saturday. Guess who was explicitly rehired to close those days? Guess how that's going to work with me having to be home around 7:30 to take care of my own cat? I have no idea either. It's only for about 3 weeks, but my mom, whom i have not asked for any additional help with anything, won't feed the cat while i have work, even though there isn't a guarantee that i can leave on time to THEN RETURN to close, because again I'm the only one on that side of the building. I understand the fear of the bedbugs, so that's probably it, but it still fucking sucks because the kitchen is on the other side of the apartment from the bedroom and there is literally no reason to go there to feed her. But i get it

Did we get to where i can do my own ADLs? Of course not. My neighbor is in the hospital, and her husband is blind. This is a new development that was only discovered an hour before starting this post (about 3:30 am for me). She's ok, it's for mental health reasons, and that's her own business about that. Her husband being blind is not a new development however. And he needs help taking care of the pets, specifically the birds. Which is fine, they just also need to eat on their own schedule. 8am, around lunchtime, and 8pm. Guess who's still at work? One of the birds is special needs because her beak got injured and needs to be essentially spoon fed. Which the blind husband can't do at all. Fairly simple task, but just adding to my obligations that are Very Important because they involve making sure things don't starve to death while my neighbor is in Crisis

Ok let's see, that's 4 Very Important Tasks/Obligations, and only one was originally my own voluntary one. Still not at taking care of myself yet, but i have my shelter, i have my job ("part time" minimum wage, hurray. Part time because even with me being there 6 fucking days a week open to close it still isn't technically enough hours for the state to recognize it as full time), and I'm taking care of *counting* about 8 pets for the next week. Will unemployment give me my money that I've been claiming since March? No? Will they let me claim with my new working hours that makes that while process even harder? Technically but it'll take over an hour for it to process and it doesn't even do that in the end? Well fuck, guess i have to wait to get paid on the books in cash and beg for a hand written paystub and have my hours worked written down. Glad i earned $100 this week, i hope now that my hours have increased i get some more

Next on the list, appointments. Because I'm a dumbass who can't remember shit if it isn't consistently recurring, i overbooked myself for next week. My much needed therapy appointment with my therapist that I've only met once and is the replacement for my much better therapist that i actually had a relationship with is supposed to have a session with me on Tuesday. Will i remember to do it this time? Possibly since i actually remembered it's on Tuesday. Will she send me the reminder text with the zoom link? Probably not. Wednesday, my one day off, thank fuck for that, is the main problem with the scheduling. My med appointment is for 11:30. Cool, can do. Driving lesson at 12. Oh, that's a little close, but i can manage that probably. I only average 1 lesson per year and a half, so it's fine, it's "healthy" to be nervous about operating a death machine powered by explosions. Have to go to social services to pick up, or attempt to, a new food stamps card. They probably close at 5, and add a Non Driver, i need to rely on someone to take me. The sooner the better, but it can't be during the lesson. Don't forget to take care of the creatures before and during all of this.

Ok. Great. There's an hour before work. Time to shower, because it's so fucking hot I'll be sweating like crazy by the time i get around the corner to the pizzeria, with me literally getting out and dressed and then walking out the door. Glad i finally did still to take care of myself. Eating? I might have something i can heat up quickly while the cat eats and so i can take my own meds. Dishes? Those are going to have to wait, i hope the heat wave doesn't get too bad, but it's been like this for a while, still slowly chipping away at them. Sleep? Severe insomnia. I partially blame the bed, my mattress is so comfortable, i hope the bedbugs like it because i can't fucking use it right now. I'd be sleeping so fucking soundly if i were in my own bed, and yet here i am. Maybe i should take the Trazodone now. I just hope I'll wake up on time. Oh look I'm exhausted, can't afford to buy comparatively better prepared coffee from Dunkin, so i guess my shitty at home coffee is going to have to do. Black because i don't have any creamer or milk or lactose free milk in my house. Just the way i hate it. Gonna have to deal with that i guess, maybe I'll learn to like it

The coffee pot lives in my fridge now. I'm worried to put it with the other dishes because if it sits there, not being washed like everything else, then i won't even have the option of coffee. It's just water and ground up beans, I'm sure it's fine

Maybe i can find some kind of coping skill/hobby to help me through my limited me time. Let's see.... I like to crochet, and that helps me get through the dishes by letting me alternate between them and a row/round on one of my many started projects. What? It's in a giant garbage bag with a bedbug treatment stick because of the damn ass bedbugs? Can't open it for at least another week and even then there isn't a place to put the yarn safely? Well fuck. I found that really helpful with keeping me grounded. Umm, well looking online, i should *checks notes* buy new yarn in the meantime and keep it somewhere safe. Uh, well, i can't afford more yarn now and i have nowhere to put it. Videogames it is maybe? Oh fuck now I've hyper focused too long on pokemon, rhythm heaven, and whatever daily games i do, i think i have 5 of those of varying lengths of time spent on them

Did i remember to brush my teeth? No. Do i remember that i should and then when i get out of the shower so i forget to actually execute? Yes. Have i gone insane? Probably

How many spoons is a person supposed to have per day? It takes more for me just to get through the day in general. Why does everyone need me to do their Very Important Tasks? Why is there never anyone else? Can my neighbor just not buy more birds when she gets home from Crisis?

I just want to have good mental health, why is this so hard

[phcking-detective]

1. Caught Dead with a Beretta

Fic Title: First Blood

Rating: E

Length: 1/33 chapters, ~128k

Tags: Slow Burn, Idiots to Lovers, Trans Character (gavin), Autistic / Asexual / Non-binary Character (nines), BDSM, learning to use good etiquette and safe words, Dom Nines / Sub Gavin, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort

Chapter Tags: suicide, death / murder, verbal hazing

Link on AO3

***

Gavin's sick of working suicides—they're depressing as hell and aren't going to do anything for his promotion. He's just got to the crime scene already wants to go home. It's fucking ass'o'clock in the morning, and he hasn't slept worth shit, so of course Nines texted to let him know about the scene the second he'd finally dozed off. 

The elevator ride up to the two thousand square foot loft gives him enough time to get hit with shit, did I take my meds before I left home? Fuck. Maybe? 

Goddammit. Maybe he should switch to those patches and gels instead of a weekly injection. Taking his T is the one thing he never, ever forgets, so if he switched to something he could do daily and took his meds for the BPD and ADHD at the same time … 

The elevator doors ding open, ruining his train of thought. Nines is here already because he doesn't fucking sleep, apparently. That hot fuckboy he sucked off once—and the beat cop for this side of town—Brayden, is in there too, but Gavin's most recent bout of soul-crippling insomnia has actually worn him down too much to be horny. 

Well, too much to put forth the effort for flirting, at least. 

"—huh, Nine Thousand?" Brayden says as Gavin walks up. 

Nines doesn't respond. 

"He's RK nine hundred," Gavin says. "Not like the meme. Super disappointing." 

Brayden grins. "Yeah, but I mean like, the movie." 

"Nine thousand?" 

Gavin frowns, trying to force his stupid idiot brain to think. All he can come up with is 300. Maybe it's a movie based off of that one book? The like, underwater … and submarines. Something-number thousand leagues under the sea? No fuck, that's not nine thousand. 

"Two thousand," Brayden says. "And one." 

Shit, is that the number of leagues or the title of the movie? 

"Man, I am way too fucking tired." Gavin waves him off. "I'm not even into that film shit. I just like action movies." 

Brayden heaves a deep sigh. "I've seen your file, Gavin. You're too smart to willingly lump yourself in with the uneducated masses." 

"May we proceed with the crime scene, detective?" Nines asks before Gavin can reply. 

Brayden flinches a little. The only reason Gavin doesn't get scared himself is because he's gotten used to Nines not breathing or moving—until he suddenly does. Makes people jumpy as shit to realize they forgot about the giant fucking android just standing there.  

Not blinking. Or breathing. 

"Go ahead," Brayden says with a sweep of his hand, like he didn't just jump half a foot. 

"May we proceed with the crime scene, detective?" Nines asks instead of complying. 

"Yeah, sure," Gavin grants permission. 

Nines proceeds. Gavin tries to hold back a smirk. Brayden's the pretentious kind of asshole who loves explaining shit no one cares about, but he's pretty hot too, and Gavin's not quite ready to burn that bridge to Terra-dick-bia by pissing him off. No, that sounds terrible. The bridge to … mm, dick. 

Damn, he's tired. 

He follows after Nines, a little worried he might wander off in his sleep-deprived state and get lost in all this square footage of prime fucking real estate. Even saints would have to work to feel sorry for dead people as rich as this. 

Finally, he stumbles into a section of the open floor plan that seems to function as the living room. There's a flat screen tv nearly as big as the wall it's mounted on, a coffee table made from a whole chunk of mahogany with a half-full tumbler, and a dead guy sitting in a chair with a gun in his hand and a hole in his head. 

The TV still blares out the news, and the vic's own face flashes out at them. 

"This the Ponzi scheme guy?" Gavin asks. 

"Maverick Russell, age forty-seven." Nines shoves a finger inside the vic's mouth with no shame or preamble. "Blood alcohol level point-oh-nine-seven. The entry wound in his head appears to be consistent with a nine millimeter Beretta." 

He takes a small packet out of his Cyberlife jacket pocket and somehow has the coordination to open it one-handed. Gavin wrinkles his nose at the antiseptic smell as Nines sanitizes both hands with the wipe, even though he only touched the vic with one finger. Then he lifts that same finger to the victim's head. 

"Hey!" Gavin barks. "What have I told you about that shit?" 

Nines stares back at him with that unblinking, lizard-eye look. He touches his finger to the entry wound but doesn't push it in. Just brushes it back and forth, which is somehow way freakier. 

"The entry wound in his head is consistent with a nine millimeter Beretta," Nines says. 

"Great." 

Gavin walks a perimeter around the designated living room space. At first it's just to keep himself awake, but by the second circle, he's got one of those gut feelings. Something about this scene is off. Fuck if he can tell what though, 'cause the victim was drunk, watching his own demise on the news, and has a bullet in his head from the gun in his hand. 

"You feel that?" He asks. 

Nines cocks his head to the side. "The circulating air temperature is seventy--" 

"No." Gavin huffs and starts on another circle. "Do you like … you feel what I’m feeling?" 

"Your question is incomprehensible." 

Gavin sighs and grinds the heels of his palms against his eyes. He bites back a comment about this being why androids can't make good cops. Fuck knows why he's bothering to be nice now. He just wants to get this shit done and go home. 

When he opens his eyes, everything swirls with black spots in front of him. What's bugging him about this? The guy is dead, the gun is in his hand, the news says—

Gavin blinks the spots away and stands in front of the vic. Fake tan, but high enough quality that it'd look real if he didn't live in fucking Detroit. Decently fit, and the open kitchen on the other side of the room has one of those blenders that cost more than his car. The loft's decorated in masculine colors, all brown and navy and black leather. 

"Go check out the kitchen," Gavin tells Nines. "Tell me what's in the fridge." 

Nines does as he's told, but only after considering it. Gavin takes back the lizard comparisons. He's like a cat. One of those big jungle cats that's smart enough to eat the humans hunting them. 

"Dannon Oikos triple blended greek nonfat yogurt, coffee, four pack, five-point-three ounce cups," Nines says. "Dannon Oikos trippled blended greek nonfat yogurt, peanut butter banana, four—" 

Gavin rolls his eyes. "Just say yogurt. What else does he got?" 

"Yogurt. Eggs. Milk. Sparkling water. Chicken breast. Mayonnaise. Sliced ham. Apples. Protein shakes." Nines opens the freezer. "Chicken breast. Chicken breast. Chicken breast. Chi—" 

Gavin starts giggling. He can't help it. Nines turns around and glares at him, deliberately flashing his LED red for a second. 

"OK, fuck off, it's late," he says. "I'm like, super tired. Just analyze that shit or whatever and tell me if his food matches any of the latest high protein fad diets." 

"Yes," Nines replies so instantly Gavin wonders if he actually even looked it up at all. "The victim's food intake matches the Eight Step Enligh—" 

Gavin waves him off. "Yeah, yeah. Cool. Does the bar have gin, vodka, and vermouth?" 

Maverick Russell, definitely confirmed for one of those ultra-rich masculine gym types. Not like, an actual gym rat, just that generic rich person level of fitness achieved through liposuction, personal fitness trainers, and the latest fad diet. 

"Yes, along with seven other distinct liqueurs." Nines finishes checking the bar and returns to the living room. "How is this information relevant, detective?" 

"This drink and that gun don't match," Gavin says when Nines returns. 

Nines cocks his head again. "Match." 

"Yeah. I don't see any Bond memorabilia in here." Gavin takes another quick glance around, but the entertainment center doesn't display any vintage DVDs, and rich film buffs are not subtle about displaying their collections. "He ever purchased anything like that?" 

Nines's LED spins yellow for about half a second this time before he replies. "No. There are no significant purchases of memorabilia relating to the James Bond books or movies present in Maverick Russell's finances." 

"OK, then why the fuck does he have a Beretta?" Gavin asks. 

Nines looks at the victim, and then back at him. "That is what he shot himself with." 

"Yeah, but why," he stresses. "Would this guy—this self-obsessed, rich guy masc, desperate-to-be-cool motherfucker—have a Beretta?" 

"It is the tool he used to complete suicide." Nines frowns. "Is there a reason he would not have a Beretta?" 

"Because it's a ladies' handgun," Gavin says. "This guy's got three different TV remotes, a flat screen covering an entire wall, jesus, how old is that scotch?" 

Nines sticks his finger in it, because of course he does. "One hundred and twenty-three years old, consistent with—" 

"Shit, I would've thought this guy was trying too hard when I was twenty and desperate to be cis," Gavin mutters. "Look, I fucking promise you, this particular man literally wouldn't be caught dead with a Beretta—unless he's a James Bond fan. Even then … hey, Brayden!" 

"His input is unnecessary, detective." Nines cleans his hands with another sanitary wipe. "If you would be more clear—" 

His jaw shuts with a click as Brayden jogs over. 

"Hey, you like the Bond movies?" Gavin asks. 

Brayden heaves a tortured sigh. "I really prefer foreign movies, but for an American—" 

"All right, sure. Would you ever kick it with a Beretta?" 

Brayden bites the inside of his cheek, opens his mouth, then closes it with a frown as he thinks about it. 

"What if you were like, a super fan?" 

"Why?" Brayden glances around the loft with an interested look. "This guy have some collector's memorabilia?" 

Gavin shakes his head. "Nah. But why else he's got a fucking Beretta?" 

"Well that's not the drink for it," Brayden says immediately, then scoffs. "A scotch?" 

"Yeah, and he had the shit to make a martini too." 

"Weird. You thinking …" Brayden trails off, then winces. "Ah, shit. We uh, we got a guy a floor down. Said he heard the shot that, you know. But he said it was two bangs. And you know how shit witnesses are about getting anything right, and the TV was on and—" 

"That's shit I need to know," Gavin snaps. "Doesn't matter how stupid you think it is, you're the first officer on the scene, you report every-fucking-thing to the responding detective." 

"Yeah." Brayden clears his throat. "My bad." 

Gavin lets it slide only because now he has something to go on. "Whatever. Check me on the precon for this, RK." 

"Preconstruction running, detective." 

"So we got two shots." Gavin backs up so he's approaching the living room from twenty feet away. "So we should have two guns. The perp, coming in here, gets shot 'cause the vic's only got the one entry wound, but—" 

Nines touches the victim's hand, and then his cellphone buzzes. 

The distribution of gunshot residue on Maverick Russell's right hand is not consistent with a Beretta. The gun he fired has a longer muzzle and larger caliber. My preliminary preconstruction matches it to a .500 S&W Magnum. The victim has four registered in his name.

Gavin closes his eyes and rubs the bridge of his nose. Would it fucking kill him to send that in five separate texts like a normal person? Now he's going to look dumb as fuck staring at the screen for five minutes trying to read one paragraph. 

OK, he’s got the fifty caliber Magnum, that's easy to read. Longer muzzle, larger caliber, right. 

"So the vic has a fifty caliber Magnum instead of a dinky Beretta, makes a lot more sense." 

Nines doesn't correct him, so that must have been the gist of the message. 

"The perp gets shot—" 

"Where's the blood though?" Brayden asks. 

Gavin glares at him. "Can you let me fucking work?" 

Shit, he's doing it again and this is why no one wants to work with him because they fuck up--everyone fucks up, he knows this, he fucking knows this--and then he just can't let it go but why the hell does Brayden think he's allowed to speak right now when—

He's not in trouble. He's not in trouble, it's just the loft, being in another rich empty room again. None of them are children and he's not in trouble. 

His cellphone buzzes. 

The floor has been scrubbed clean throughout the loft. I did not realize that was relevant information. I will give you full reports of my analysis moving forward.

That's not too bad to read, and concentrating on making the letters stay still actually helps him cool off a bit for once. Gives him something to look at other than Brayden's pretty, hurt face or the perfect fucking interior design that still feels like when he was thirteen and— 

Gavin shoves those memories aside and starts typing out a reply. 

just text me that shit

I'll prolly yell if u try telling me about the floors at every crime scene

"Am I dismissed then?" Brayden asks. 

Gavin looks up from his phone and can't force out any sort of apology. He never can. And anyway, fuck him. If Brayden wants to get pissy about getting snapped at twice after a legitimate fuck up and interrupting a senior detective mid-sentence, then sure. He can fuck right off. 

"Go get the maid," Gavin tells him. 

"The … android?" Brayden asks. 

"No, the roomba. Yes, the fucking android maid. Someone scrubbed the floors clean." 

And the side table.

Gavin doesn't bother with texting back this time. "That where the blood splatter would have hit?" 

"Yes, detective," Nines answers out loud. 

Gavin turns back to Brayden. "So there's your answer. Get the maid, 'cause I doubt the perp stuck around himself to clean the entire two-thousand square foot floor." 

Brayden hesitates. 

"She's still here," Gavin asks. "Right, Officer Burton?" 

Brayden gives a curt nod, but he breaks into a run as he leaves. 

AP700 #480 913 876 is located in the foyer of the building, along with Officers Miller and Abrahamson. I have sent alerts to their cellphones that the AP model is needed for questioning.

Gavin starts to ask how Nines knows that but … isn't this what he was literally designed to do? 

"She's not a suspect yet," he says instead. "So cool it, Terminator. And don't hack peoples' phones. That's what the officers have walkie talkies for." 

Nines makes a face like Gavin just suggested they all start using smoke signals. He's not exactly the type to go all buddy-buddy on witnesses himself, but they're definitely not going to get anywhere with Nines scaring the thirium out of their one lead. 

Gavin takes a moment to wallow in how much he hates this before he calls Hank. At least if he has to be up before dawn, so will that motherfucker. 

"We do not need assistance from Lieutenant Anderson," Nines says, his expression souring even further. "Or my predecessor. I recognize that I did not meet the necessary level of efficiency when I neglected to—" 

"Hey, this isn't a punishment," Gavin says, tilting the phone down away from his mouth. "I fucking hate Connor too, and when we have an android suspect, I get that's your thing. But right now we have an android witness, and that's his." 

"Ahh, fuck," Hank's voice comes out of the phone. "Sun's not even fucking—goddammit, Reed." 

"We will be at your location in twenty minutes, Detective Reed," Connor's voice says next. 

Gavin stares out into space as what's left of his soul collapses in on itself at the confirmation that those two really are fucking. Not even just fucking, they're sleeping together. In bed, for literal sleep. 

"Nines, tell them they're disgusting," Gavin orders. "You can put way more hate into it than me." 

 "Disgusting," Nines says with a sneer that would put Gavin's mother to shame. 

Gavin hangs up before Hank can reply. "I know you lack the capacity and all that shit, but if it makes you not-feel any better, I bet you five bucks the perp's android." 

"Based off of what evidence?" Nines asks. 

"Took a bullet and kept going." Gavin steps back into place where the perp probably walked in. "He's got the Beretta, but it's just a gun to him. He grabs the vic's gun, maybe disarms him, maybe doesn't even have to after the first shot." 

"The blood vessels on the victim's wrist have not been damaged." Nines starts cleaning his hands again even though he hasn't even touched anything this time. "Why would the human stop shooting?" 

"TV's on, he's drinking, has a gun out already." Gavin shrugs. "Might have been a suicide interrupted by a murder. Might've fired the first shot just being scared, y'know, gut instinct." 

Nines just looks at him. 

"Or you don't know, whatever." Gavin rolls his eyes. "But once he realizes what's happening—maybe he couldn't pull the trigger himself, but now here's someone gonna do it for him. Maybe he just sits back down. That still work with your preconstruction?" 

"Yes," Nines says. "Along with two thousand, one hundred and fifty-eight other scenarios." 

"Whatever. And just like, for the record, don't ask Hank about how this suicidal shit works," Gavin tells him. "Hank might not care, but those are fighting words with Connor." 

Nines doesn't move a single centimeter as he stares silently at him. 

"And don't fucking fight with Connor, we don't have time for it. Anyway, if anyone gets to pick a fight at a murder scene, it's me. So." Gavin walks up to the chair with his hand pointed like a gun. "The perp gets him back down, shoots him in the side of the head, then switches the guns so the ballistics will match." 

"He could have taken the victim's gun." Nines's LED spins a few yellow cycles. "It is registered in his name. The suicide would have looked more authentic." 

"And that's why I'm thinking our guy's an android," Gavin replies. "Someone who hasn't ever seen a movie before in his whole life. Thinks a gun is a gun is a gun. I mean, you didn't know why the Beretta was weird, and if you made A Plan to kill a guy with this gun, would you switch it up in the middle?" 

Nines's LED immediately hits blue, but it's that fake-blue that means he's really covering up a red. Gavin almost kind of … has a feeling about it? 

But then the elevator doors open with Brayden and the android maid inside. Gavin's got a burned bridge, a possible eye witness, and an a murder to deal with. Worrying about his partner's not-feelings will have to wait. 

***

***

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 / 21 / 22 / 23 / 24 / 25 / 26 / 27 / 28 / 29 / 30 / 31 / 32 / 33

This fic is also available on my Patreon! $1 tier gets you each chapter a week early, so you could be reading chapter two right now~

$2 tier gets you deleted scenes and bonus content--this week, it’s extra scenes about how Nines was found at Cyberlife and how he gets his first apartment

$3 tier gets you access to the first chapters of two new AUs I’m currently writing--an A/B/O universe in which Gavin is a bitter omega and Nines is his android partner determined to help him during his heat; and a Reverse AU where GV200 “Gavin” is assigned as Detective Richard Stern’s sobriety companion

[feelingsdusk-writes]

Fides

Chapter 3

Stiles hasn’t slept a wink. His head is pounding a little bit and his eyes are tight and stinging. He’s been thinking about what to do and he still feels conflicted even after so many hours mulling over it. He turns in bed to glare at the glowing numbers of the clock in his nightstand. The alarm will go off in less than an hour and he resists the need to growl in frustration.

He just doesn’t understand. He’s a good kid. His room is clean and tidy, hell, the whole house is. He does the laundry, buys the groceries and cooks. He has either the best or one of the best grades of his whole year. What twelve-year-old does all that? What's more, what twelve-year-old with ADHD does that? And ok, he sometimes hacks to dig dirt and take revenge when people mess with him, but that’s just self-defense, because he’s never gone after anyone that hadn’t gone after him first. More importantly to the case at hand, he’s never been caught, not even when he acted all crazy when he was eight and his schoolmates behaved like it was the hunting season of the one-of-a-kind specimen named Stiles. Whatever he does, he always makes sure that there’s no way it could be traced back to him, that he has such an airtight alibi that it would be absurd to think it was him. Which means that his dad doesn’t know about that and he’s never been called to the school before yesterday. So why? Why is he so ready to not trust Stiles? If he hasn’t given him any real reason to distrust him, is it because he’s a cop and that general attitude is always seeping through the cracks until it taints his personal life too? He doesn’t understand and it’s exhausting, because letting all those assholes at school walk over him until nothing remains is not an option and he doesn’t know what else he can do to make things better with his dad.

(And, honestly, he’s starting, slowly, very slowly, to not give a damn.)

(Even though he doesn’t want to even contemplate that terrifying possibility because his dad is the only one he has left.)

One part of Stiles (the part that is brimming with resentment and anger about how things have been since his mom died) wants to just defy his dad with a cynical oops, sorry, I forgot to set the alarm. That part of him also wants to just send everything to hell and start giving his dad a real reason to distrust him, forcing the man to feel deeply the absence of everything that he has been overlooking or maybe taking for granted every single day ever since Stiles started taking care of almost everything around the house.

The other part of him (a colder, calmer and more practical one) knows how to pick his battles and also that this isn’t one that he can win. That part of him also realizes that if the general situation he lives in (with only those little sporadic fights against his dad) exhausts him, being in constant battle would be unbearable. Especially since he’s not on equal footing and his dad holds all the power. It would be like one man going against an imperium, and even though in movies that works, he’s more than mature enough to know who would win in his case.

Still, it rankles that there’s no way he can turn the whole situation in his favor unless he gets the twins to confess. Even if he aces the exam today, his dad is so convinced that he cheated that he’ll think that he busted his ass off studying and then left the textbook back on the kitchen table just for show. Or if he doesn’t think that, he’ll see his face this morning and think that he spent the whole night awake studying. He regrets so much not getting up to throw the textbook out of his room… except that wouldn’t have gone well either because it would have been like a declaration of war.

One thing is for sure, even if he can’t get the twins to confess, he’s going to make them regret it with every fiber of their beings.

Hah! Who is he kidding? He’s so pissed off that he’s going to do that either way.

Stiles sighs and reaches to turn off the alarm before it can even sound. He rubs his face frustrated and then heaves himself up with a grunt. As he does so, small dimly glowing dots start coming from inside the terrarium. A tiny part of him wonders about the magic they’ve used on the terrarium that makes it so that the glow they emit can’t be seen when they’re inside, but he dismisses the thought, too tired to care about that right now.

Odette barrels into his face and it takes him a moment to process that she’s hugging him. Ehaldun hovers behind her shyly, prompting a fond smile out of Stiles. He raises his hand and the kid first pries his sister from Stiles’ cheek and gives him a quick hug before making her sit with him on his palm.

“How are you?” he murmurs softly as he crosses his legs to sit more comfortably. “Did she hurt you?”

“Thankfully it was nothing but a scare, Stiles,” Eglantine interrupts before they can answer, gliding closer until she stands on his palm too. She keeps reaching to touch her children, as if to reassure herself. “We arrived before she could do more. But you need to be careful, she’s really dangerous.”

“I gathered that,” he nods frowning. Just what he needs today, more problems. Awesome.

“She’s a huntress,” Lorelle interjects as she comes near with Aelfdene in tow. Both elders look grim and wary. They keep exchanging covert looks that put Stiles instantly on edge.

“A huntress… of supernaturals, you mean,” he guesses instantly and the elders nod. And that’s bad news because if Stiles is really a spark, that means that he’s a supernatural too, and therefore that places him within their sights. “Is it some kind of sport for them? Or a crusade?”

“For some it’s both. We’re abominations to them,” the elder sighs, world-weary and just her tired expression makes her look way older than she already is.

“An abomination, wonderful,” Stiles sighs, sarcasm thick, and rubs his eyes tiredly with his free hand. Then it dawns on him. “Just some?“

“Most old families have a code of conduct they’re supposed to follow that forbids them to attack innocents.” Aelfdene snorts at Lorelle’s words and he’s echoed by many.

“Supposed?”

“What do you think happened to our home?” Beriadan snaps but Stiles doesn’t take it to heart, knowing it’s not directed at him. She isn’t even looking at him, her gaze lost as if she’s seeing things that aren’t there.

“Was it her?” he asks calmly instead.

“We don’t know,” Lorelle sighs again. Aelfdene's face is pinched, he obviously still doesn't want to rely on Stiles this much but knows that there's no other way. For the better or the worse, at this moment they depend on him to survive.

“It happened too fast,” a man to her left adds, pained, echoed by others that speak too softly for Stiles to understand.

“We were… and suddenly there was fire everywhere,” a girl chokes out as she embraces another girl. “When we tried to fly out…”

“Whoever they were, they sprayed something on us and it was like poison,” the other girl finishes.

“The ones of us that managed to fly further and hide survived,” Lorelle takes over. “We managed to regroup after we regained consciousness, even though we were incredibly sick. It took days before some of us felt good enough to sneak in to search for any other survivors. There was nothing left.”

“Could the hunters have taken anyone with them?” Stiles asks immediately and both Lorelle and Aelfdene shake his head. “Are you sure? You said you were unconscious for a while…”

“We have our ways, Stiles. None of them survived,” Aelfdene’s response is needlessly harsh, sharp and unequivocal. In the face of that, Stiles holds his tongue and nods.

“I’m sure that she didn’t see me but I’ll be careful,” he concedes simply as he lowers his hand onto his nightstand to let it’s occupants get off.

“But are you completely sure?” Eglantine prods gently.

Stiles gets it. He saved the kids and they’re grateful, so they don’t want anything bad to happen to him. But also, if that woman even remotely suspects that Stiles is involved, what stops her from simply breaking into the house when he’s at school to check it out? His address is on his record, and she probably has access to that. Moreover, the terrarium is not exactly inconspicuous. A normal person would see the ewok village and wouldn’t even think to associate it to fairies, but she is a huntress, not a normal person. And in the remote possibility that she didn’t immediately associate the terrarium as a fairy village, Stiles still has the box he stole from her in his closet.

There are four things that could get him caught: the traffic cameras, his fingerprints, the printer and the glittery box.

If that huntress has access to the traffic cameras or can get her hands on the feed from the shops that have cameras too, she won’t find anything. Stiles knows the blind spots of the town like the back of his hand and unless someone installed a new camera on the last twenty hours that he doesn’t know of, he’s safe. He’ll check it out just in case.

As for the fingerprints he may have left while sneaking around school, his hands were covered by his sleeves both when he snuck in and out and when he opened or closed the doors as he searched around. If he slipped up without noticing, there will be so many other fingerprints that his will be lost. Maybe this precaution seems too much, but in Stiles’ opinion it never hurts to be careful and in the slim chance that she checked for fingerprints, it would have been a problem if his fingerprints appeared on every door of the school. Even with his heart pounding with fear and adrenaline at that last moment, he had the presence of mind to cover his hands with his sleeves as he climbed out the window. The only time he forgot himself was when he checked the box, which is why he didn’t leave it behind.

And now the only doubt left is if he left some kind of trace when he hacked into the printer or not, because he didn’t use his backup phone for that. Yesterday he used a very simple code to hack into the printer, basically giving it orders to print indefinitely the last archive in its memory. He revises the code mentally and yes, no one will be able to link him to it. If they check who sent the order to print, it will show the owner of the last printed archive. And even if that hunter suspects foul play, because Stiles can see that the printer turning on just before the captive fairies disappeared is too much of a coincidence, no one knows that he has that kind of skill or even suspects. He started learning after he lost all his friends and he has never flaunted it. And when he uses it to get revenge it’s because he can’t do it any other way, which means that enough time has passed and people on the receiving end of it, whom also expect a more hands-on approach from him, don’t link it to back to Stiles.

“Yeah,” he replies. “Once I get rid of the box, we’re clear. But it never hurts to be careful, so you should strengthen your wards and maybe… place something on the doors and windows that alerts you if anyone other than me or my dad comes in? That way you can hide? Is that a thing?”

Lorelle and Aelfdene exchange a short glance, seemingly debating silently about something, before the first talks. Again Aelfdene's expression sours, clearly against sharing more information that could be used against them but letting Lorelle have her way. “We can place some magic to alert us if anyone enters the house but… we can’t be as selective as that. Besides, if she is the one that attacked us, she already knows how to circumvent it and it would only serve to confirm our presence to her if she came to investigate on a hunch.”

Stiles hums as he gathers a change of clothes. “And what about placing a sentry? You have those communication runes, right? Place people on guard to alert you of intruders and that will give you enough time to hide in case of an emergency. At least until we can think of a better solution.”

“We can do that,” Eglantine nods, echoed by Beriadan and some other guards, and then sighs. “It’s such a shame, though.”

“Eglantine!” Aelfwine admonishes.

“What! I’m only saying…”

“What? What is a shame?” Stiles asks, frowning.

“I swear, Eglantine! You have no shame! We can’t have him more involved…”

“This has nothing to do with shame! And he’s already involved, there’s no turning back!”

“She’s right, Aelfwine,” Beriadan interjects.

“He’s done more than enough and we’ve already put him in danger by moving into his home!”

“We know that, but leaving him defenseless would be doing him a disservice,” Beriadan answers calmly.

“Exactly! It is more than enough reason for him-”

“You only want-”

“Don’t insult me! All of us would benefit from-”

“Eglantine, Beriadan, Aelfwine, that’s enough,” Aelfdene cuts in sharply, Lorelle sighing exasperated beside him.

“Explanation, please?” Stiles demands crossing his arms and frowning.

“Spark magic is stronger in those kinds of wards,” Beriadan answers plainly, ignoring Aelfwine’s protests, “but you’re not trained and we don’t have that kind of knowledge.”

Stiles sits on the bed mulling over that. He gets why Aelfwine is protesting but he likes Eglantine and Beriadan’s direct approach more. So, the way he sees it, the situation is like the following. He doesn’t owe them anything but he’s letting them stay and he still risked himself to go looking for the kids, possibly placing himself on the radar of the hunters by doing so. This has made the fairies in general (especially Eglantine and her kids) warm up to him. Still, some of them fear that since they can’t offer him anything in exchange, he’ll change his mind and kick them out, which, admittedly, would be the sensible thing to do. Eglantine owes her kids’ life to him and she’s deeply grateful, which is why she wants him to be as prepared as he can just in case. Beriadan is more practical about the whole issue: if Stiles knows more magic, he can protect himself and the fairies (which she assumes he would do, because he has already showed the inclination to do so) better. Aelfwine, on the other hand, thinks that they should cut his involvement to keep Stiles safe. And Aelfdene is trying to shut them up because he fears that he’ll make them leave if they confirm that they can only give him information about the supernatural world and no real training.

While he appreciates Aelfwine’s concern, out of the four he likes Eglantine and Beriadan’s approach the best. Lorelle and Aelfdene, while he understands, he's not very happy with.

“Okay,” he starts after a moment, “let’s be clear: I hate when people lie to me. It pisses me off like you wouldn’t believe. So don’t lie to me or try to manipulate me, period. Apart from the moral part of it, which I don’t care about,” he makes a dismissive gesture with his hand, “want to know why in this case? Because I could have been trying to guess how my powers work ever since you told me what I was, instead of waiting for you to teach me the way more safely. And now that we need it, I don’t have even the foggiest clue on how to use them. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that you were looking for your people in extreme circumstances and you didn’t know me, but I think that by now I’ve proven that I’m at least a little bit trustworthy, haven’t I? When you chose to come here you said that my magic marked it as a safe place, right? So something in it must have told you that I wouldn’t harm you? In any case, trusting me or not, you have to decide if you’re going to work with me or not, because I’m not going to harm you, but I’m not going to get harmed because of you either, just because you knowingly kept things that I needed to know from me. Think about it.”

Stiles doesn’t push it anymore. If the situation was reversed, he knows it would take more time for him to trust them, but he’d be willing to give the benefit of doubt after what happened yesterday. He leaves them to chew on the bone he’s left them and starts getting prepared to leave for school. It’s very early still, but it’s not like he has anything else to do.

First he makes sure to hang all the clothes he used yesterday and then he looks at the box, thinking about how to destroy it. It’s cardboard, so he decides to wet it until he can just make a ball (making sure the glitter stays in the center of it) to throw to the trash. He sneaks into the kitchen silently to grab the cleaning bucket and then he leaves the box soaking hidden inside his closet while he takes a quick shower.

When he finishes, most of the fairies have gone back to the terrarium. Only the elders remain, and neither of them talk as he makes a ball with the soaked box and puts it inside a plastic bag to throw out hidden among other trash. He also throws the water from the bucket to the toilet and makes sure that there’s isn’t any glitter left on either of them.

“We can teach you the runes. The basics are the same for everyone, it’s the way of using or activating them that varies,” Lorelle says finally. Aelfdene remains stony at her side but he looks resigned about the whole thing, even though he obviously still doesn't like the situation one bit. “Of course there’s more to spark magic than just runes, but apart from stories about it that may or may not be truthful, sadly we have nothing more to give you. We can share general knowledge about the supernatural world too, but, again, it may be incomplete or off the mark without our knowledge.”

“Ok, I can work with that,” Stiles replies simply as he goes to pick up his bag. He waves goodbye to a wildly gesturing Odette, whom is peeking over the top of the crystal wall of the terrarium, copied more sedately by Ehaldun. When he receives some verbal goodbyes from the rest of the fairies, he answers to those too. “If you’re going to place those sentries, remember to wait until my dad leaves… or hide very well.”

“We will.”

He looks at the textbook still lying where it fell beside the bed and then sighs tiredly as he bends to pick it up. It’s going to be a long day.

(But at least he’s finally getting somewhere with the fairies.)

—

By the time he makes it to school, the cold and crispy morning air has taken care of the last vestiges of drowsiness that had remained stubbornly even after his cold shower. He has taken his Adderall, but it’s not magical, so he’s welcomed the cold weather on his way there.

It’s too early and still dark, so he locks his bike and prepares to eat the pop tarts that he prepared before leaving, not wanting to see his dad today. They’re cold by now, but he doesn’t really care. There are some cars in the parking lot, including the ones he assumes to be the huntress’ and the security guard’s. He debates for a moment as he munches a tart and then he decides to try the entrance door to see if it’s open, because the cold was nice when he was moving, but right now it’s a bit too much. He doesn’t think he’ll have a problem because he does have a legitimate reason to be here this early… Well, not so early, but he has enough indignation and anger about the whole situation to draw an excuse from, so he decides to risk it. With any luck, this will help cement the idea in the huntress’ mind that he has nothing to do with her disappeared hostages.

Stiles pushes on the door and it opens easily. He finishes the first pop tart as he crosses the hallway leisurely and when he takes the stairs he’s halfway through his second. As he climbs them, he wonders if Eglantine’s runes are still there. This morning he didn’t think of it, but should he try to erase them? They left three marks before they had to beat a hasty retreat. He’ll have to ask Eglantine later because if the hunters found a way to evade their wards, maybe they can see their runes too? In any case, he’s not going to do anything right now, because, one, he can’t see them himself and he only remembers vaguely where she put them on the door and the stairs, and two, he can’t risk getting caught doing it. If that huntress knows they’re there, she’ll be keeping an eye on them and Stiles is not going to fall into that trap. Besides, unless the huntress knows how to track the residual magic that Eglantine may have left on them, it’s not like they’re very incriminating. They actually help Stiles because she may think that only other fairies were involved in the rescue.

Just as he’s turning to leave the stairs a hand falls harshly on his shoulder, making him choke with a mouthful. “Well, well, what do we have here?” a woman’s voice says. “Did you forget something, mmm?“

And of course the very first thing that happens to him is that he crosses paths with the huntress. Still, he has more pressing things to care about right now, like not dying because he choked on a pop tart. Well, at least this answers the question, doesn’t it? She can somehow see the runes because, if he recalls well, there’s one on the door behind her and another one on the wall just beside him. Too much of a coincidence that she’s waiting right there. Stiles reminds himself that he hasn’t done anything that indicates that he was looking for the runes to erase them. In other words, she’s fishing and taking advantage of having surprised him to see if he spills anything.

“Oh, my god, you nearly killed me,” he lets out in a strained voice when he finally stops coughing his lungs out. His heart is still rabbiting in his chest and he tries to control his breathing. He throws at her a wary look, like he would to any stranger that grabbed him out of the blue, and he tries to escape her hold. She not only doesn’t let go but tightens her grip.

“Ah, ah, ah,“ she tuts, and her smile is really unsettling. “No escaping for you. Name?”

“You’re hurting me, let go,” he grumbles as he glares at her heatedly. Then he purposely raises his voice a few notches. “Ok, this is officially the worst day ever. First my dad grounds me and now this? This is the worst! But, hey, why not? Punish me for something I didn’t do too and join the club!”

“What?” the woman says, clearly surprised.

“Ms. Sterling, is everything okay?” A male voice reaches them. Score, Stiles thinks when he recognizes the night guard. “Another one?”

“So it seems,” she answers and then she starts pulling him in the direction of the principal’s office. “I’m going to get this one to the principal too.”

“Need any help?”

“I can manage, don’t worry.”

“Maybe just in case…”

If she’s not happy with the night guard dogging their steps, Stiles can’t tell from her expression, but she does stop trying to puncture his skin with her fingers, even if she keeps her hand on his shoulder to steer him in the direction of the principal’s office, so Stiles is thankful for his presence. Stiles just keeps the facade of a disgruntled child the whole way there and ignores the conversation the two adults maintain.

She knocks on the door firmly but doesn’t wait for the principal to bid them in. She pushes Stiles into the room, just as the security guard leaves with a wave.

“I have another one for you, Emily,” she says.

“Stiles?” Mr. Andrews exclaims before the principal can get a word in.

Stiles takes stock of the room quickly. The twins are there, along with whom he thinks are their parents, Mr. Andrews and Mrs. Callahan, the principal. He doesn’t know what’s happening, but hell if he’s not going to take advantage of this.

“You know him then?”

“He’s one of my students,” he replies sighing.

“I caught him sneaking in-”

“I wasn’t sneaking in,” Stiles interrupts with an angry face. “You told me to be here to retake that exam and here I am. But for the record, I didn’t cheat and it’s really stupid to think that I would when I always have good grades. This is unfair and the only reason I’m here now is because my dad will ground me for forever if I’m not. And I can prove that I wasn’t the one cheating and it will be even more unfair if you don’t let me do it. And just so you know…“

“You can,” Mr. Andrews says sounding more interested than Stiles expected.

“I can?” Stiles blinks for a second. “I mean, yeah, I can.”

“Prove it, then. There’s not going to be a better time than this, now that we’re all here.” When the twins and their parents start to protest, he raises his hand, successfully silencing them. “If they didn’t cheat, they shouldn’t be worried. They did get a 98% after all. So Stiles, do go on.”

Okay, this is going way better than Stiles expected and it’s a little confusing, but he’s not going to let this opportunity pass, so he shakes it off quickly and barrels on. “Ask me anything and I’ll answer.”

“That just proves that you studied for today, Stiles.”

“I know, but I bet you anything you want that if you ask any of them,” he answers triumphantly, savoring how pale the twins are becoming by the minute, “they won’t have the answers.”

“And if they do?”

“I know they won’t, or not enough to get a 98% anyway.”

It turns out that Stiles is right and they don’t. With Mr. Andrews grilling them and the added pressure of their parents and the principal’s presence, the twins break halfway through. Everyone knows that Mr. Andrews always grades the exams two or three days after they take them, so they snuck into school to rewrite their exams because they had done pretty badly. When they were doing it, they had the idea of copying Stiles’ exam to make it seem like Stiles was the one that had cheated. And it worked, but then they caught wind of Mr. Andrews letting him retake the exam because they heard their parents talking about it. Not knowing what else to do, they decided to sneak in yesterday night again to try to steal the new exam from the teachers' room, because even though only Stiles had to retake the exam, they were worried that he’d do so well that it would make Mr. Andrews suspicious and he’d make them take it again too, and there was no way they could cram everything in just one afternoon to get a similar grade a second time. Stiles nearly cackles when he hears it, but it turns out they got caught because the printer suddenly turned on. Of course, Mr. Andrews grew suspicious after Ms. Sterling and the night guard caught them trying to steal the second exam, which is why he let Stiles try to prove his innocence.

Karma. The name is Karma. Very nice to meet you.

What’s even better is that the twins don’t even get to spread rumors about Stiles cheating because they’re getting suspended for the rest of the week for doing exactly that and trying to incriminate Stiles and an entire week in addition to that for sneaking into the school to steal the exams, which is going to be on their record permanently.

Mr. Andrews apologizes as he guides him out of the office and promises to call his dad, which at this point, to be honest, he doesn’t care much about, because this is nothing but a bittersweet victory and it doesn’t make everything okay again. An apology isn’t going to erase how deeply his dad’s refusal to even listen to him or to let him prove his innocence hurts. This is just the best outcome he can get out of this all around shitty situation because at least his father will now have proof that he didn’t cheat and Stiles won’t get punished for something he didn’t do.

“I’ll take him,” Sterling offers when Mr. Andrews talks about getting him at least a cocoa from the kitchens to make up for having to wait nearly an hour until class starts, and no. Just no.

“You should try to sleep for a bit, Kaitlyn, you were awake all night, after all…”

“Kate, please,“ she smiles and why is Stiles so creeped out by it? Mr. Andrews seems to like it quite fine.

“Kate. Charlie, then, please.”

It’s like that tale about the spider and the fly, and Mr. Andrews is falling so hard for the act that Stiles is nauseated. He wonders if it would be too obvious to just let himself fall to the ground and then crawl the hell out of here before she devours him too… But of course it would be and he has watched way too many cartoons.

“Charlie,” she lilts as she smiles coyly, taking the man’s hand to shake it. “And I don’t mind taking him because I could use one now too.“ And then she winks, of all things. “Besides, I don’t have class until fifth period and I can take a nap after I take him to the cafeteria.”

“If you’re sure you don’t mind…”

Farewell Charlie Andrews…

“I don’t.”

“Here, then,” he nods as he passes her the keys to open the kitchen’s door.

… may you rest in peace.

“Come on, Stiles,” she says as she passes her arm over his shoulders. Just for a second, Stiles feels like a little mouse cornered by a snake and he shudders. He’s pretty sure her smile acquires a shark edge to it in response and has to stomp on the urge to tell her what exactly his father does for a living and yes, he does carry a gun and knows how to use it, so get your damn paws off me lest you lose them. “Let’s get you something warm,” she adds as she rubs his arm comfortingly.

She doesn’t talk again until they’re sitting facing each other at the nearest table with a mug full of cocoa each. Stiles doesn’t let that get him nervous or lure him into a false sense of security, even though if outwardly he makes it look like the latter.

Maturity wise, Stiles is pretty advanced for his age. It’s not only because of what happened with his dad, but because the better he got at hacking, the older the crowd he moved with got, so he learned fast about topics that a kid his age should have no business knowing about to pass off as a much older person on the net, or he wouldn’t have been taken seriously due to his age. If it wasn’t for that, he’s sure one Kaitlyn Sterling would have him for breakfast very easily and then ask for seconds. Even so, as things are now, he’s not sure if he’s going to get out of this conversation unscathed, and he can’t afford to make any mistake in this.

“Rough night?“ she asks commiserating, and when Stiles just shrugs and keeps looking at his mug fixedly, she reaches to touch his hand. “You have panda eyes.”

He has to throw her a bone or she’s going to continue digging until she gets a reaction out of him. Either he controls where this conversation goes or she’s going to eat him alive. This is nothing like interacting with his peers or even stupid teenagers, where he has to be careful with what his face is giving up but not overly so, because it’s how he twists his words that gets him what he wants. Not even the people he talks to on the net, whom are much older and experienced, are this difficult to manage either, because he doesn’t have to worry about what face he’s making when someone surprises him or nearly gets the upper hand. Sterling is using a tactic Stiles has used before, where she gets information whether he talks or not. So right here, right now, he has to have an almost impossibly tight control of his facial expression and his body language on top of what comes out of his mouth, to avoid giving up anything.

“My dad didn’t believe me when I told him I hadn’t cheated,” he mumbles before she can push more.

“So you couldn’t sleep.” When he just nods in answer, she continues unfazed by his closed off attitude. “I understand, you know? After all you didn’t cheat and he didn’t believe you.“

“Yeah. I tried to prove to him that I hadn’t cheated but he wouldn’t listen.” His fingers clench around the mug unconsciously and she pats his hand.

“That must have been so frustrating…” she nods, removing her hand from where it was still resting on top of his.

“It was. I haven’t done anything to them and they keep coming after me.”

Her expression turns completely serious. She’s good, so good at this, and if he didn’t already know that she’s basically a murderer, he’d be fooled. “I hope you aren’t thinking about getting into trouble to get revenge, though, Stiles. I know it’s tempting after what they’ve done but-”

“Why would I?” he interjects. “I never thought about that,” she raises both eyebrows skeptically but keeping her amicable expression, and he flushes before he can control it. Damn it. “Ok, maybe I did, but that was only if I couldn’t convince Mr. Andrews about letting me prove that I hadn’t cheated or making them repeat the exam too.”

“Seriously?” she asks, keeping the same skeptic yet friendly face.

“They’ve gotten suspended and grounded, and on top of that they won’t be able to spread rumors about me,” he shrugs. “It can’t get any better than that and I don’t want my dad to tell me off again. Or even worse, ground me.”

“I used to argue a lot with my mom too. It pissed me off so much! Sometimes I was so angry that I would climb out the window and disappear for the whole night. I was such a brat,“ she laughs self-deprecatingly as she explains what she used to do on those nights.

“Oh my god, my dad would kill me if I did that.” He feigns an earnest expression to cover an alarmed one. She suspects him all right and he doesn’t know why. Judging by the line of questioning she’s taken, maybe she’s just shooting in the dark because of this whole exam robbery thing. Because if she has heard about him before, she knows he likes to get back at the people that cross him and sneaking into school to get the twins caught wouldn’t be too far off. He has the feeling, though, that she doesn’t think that he rescued the fairies or her questions wouldn’t be this obvious… or amicable for that matter. Maybe she thinks that he saw someone else and she’s trying to get it out of him? Still, she wants to talk? Okay, they’re going to talk, but about her. “What did your mom do?”

“Ground me, of course,” she laughs and Stiles snickers before he can think of it. “What else? But she couldn’t take away the fun I’d had already,” she adds with a wink, making him smile back unconsciously again.

One thing is for sure, if it wasn’t because she doesn’t think him guilty and she’s going in with kid gloves, she’d have caught him very easily, and Stiles needs to brush up those skills pronto if these conversations with her are going to be a thing. And unless this particular conversation serves to prove to her that he has nothing to do with the fairies’ Houdini act, he’s pretty sure they are until she gets what she wants from him.

“I’d never dare, you know? My dad is the sheriff and all his deputies have known me since I was a baby. I’d be brought back home by the ears not even five minutes after leaving home. I wouldn’t be surprised if my dad had put in one of those pet microchips with the way he always knows where I am and what I’m doing.” She starts laughing and he scowls as he mumbles. “Not funny.”

“It kind of is, though.”

“No it’s not,” he pouts and she laughs harder.

“Well, kiddo, that just means that you have to be craftier about it, that’s all.”

“Are you seriously telling me to misbehave? What kind of teacher are you?”

“A fun one?” She joins Stiles when he snickers and then she yawns spectacularly. “And a dead one too. Sorry to cut this short, kiddo, but I’m going to hide in an AV room and sleep for a couple of hours at least. Do you mind if I leave you alone? I can…”

“That’s ok,” he cuts in. “I don’t mind, I’ll just read for a bit.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah.”

“See you around then.”

“Sleep well.”

Somehow he’s dodged the bullet. Unbelievable. Now he’s not going to move at all from his seat for the next twenty minutes at this obvious trap. And unless Eglantine tells him that those marks can be used to track her, he’s going to forget they even exist.

—

He gets through the day trying to not fall asleep every minute and succeeding mostly, even though he loses the count on how many times he has to splash his face with cold water to help himself. He doesn’t see Sterling again but he can’t shake the feeling of being watched, so he mentally cheers when the last bell sounds and he can go home.

“I’m home!” he calls as he enters, feeling a little weird, because he hasn’t said that in a long time. Still, it’s a way to let the fairies know it’s him and he takes note mentally to work out a code with them so, in case something is wrong and they have to hide, he can let them know beforehand and without being suspicious. “Hi, Beriadan,” he greets her as he takes a look around. Another fairy pops out from behind a picture on the shelf near the door to the backyard and waves at him, which he responds in kind.

“Hello, Stiles. Rough day?” she asks with a wave as she glides near. “Any problems?”

“More like long,” he answers sheepish, rubbing the back of his head with a sigh. “A really long, long day. And nope, no problems so far but we’ll see how that goes. It’s too early to tell. Everything fine here? Anything suspicious?”

“Not that we noticed. We placed the sentries after your father left like you suggested, but we haven’t dared to place proximity runes on the perimeter. At this point, seeing what happened, doing that might actually give our presence away rather than help us.” Stiles hums in answer, frowning, but before he can get a word in, Beriadan continues speaking, obviously opting for the direct route. “How did the exam go?”

He clears his throat feeling pretty uncomfortable about the fact that probably every fairy listened to the delightful conversation he had with his dad yesterday. “I didn’t have to take it in the end. They caught the ones responsible before that.”

She looks at him for a moment, gaze penetrating. “You don’t seem too happy about that.”

“I am. It saved me the hassle of having to find a way to make them confess,” he shrugs flippantly and her lips twitch reluctantly. “Is Eglantine upstairs? I need to ask her something.”

“Yeah,” she replies simply, letting the matter go. Stiles sighs inwardly in relief and advances towards the stairs. “At the library, I think. She was trying to compile everything for your lesson.” When she sees the smile that stretches on his face, she rolls her eyes. Then when that same smile vanishes, she frowns. “Is everything okay?”

As he expected, there’s an apology brownie waiting for him on the kitchen counter. He can see it from where he stands and he has to stomp on the desire to throw it through the window. He manages to contain himself by very little. “Yeah. Everything’s cool.”

“Sure?”

“Yep,” he says, mustering a smile. “Talk to you later, Beriadan, I need to talk to Eglantine,” he adds as he climbs the stairs, ignoring the brownie altogether.

Stiles nods to the two guards outside the terrarium (Alvara and Fafnir, if he recalls well) as he enters his bedroom, letting his bag fall beside his desk chair. Just as he’s bending to untie his sneakers, Odette comes barreling out from the terrarium and into his face like this morning. Stiles can see already that this is going to become a thing and he can’t decide if he likes it or not. Ehaldun comes right behind her with a shy wave and then grabs his sister’s shirt to pull her away from him, obviously noticing his discomfort. Stiles sighs inwardly, battle already lost, before reaching to pull the kid near, so he can follow his sister’s steps too. The little boy’s flush shouldn’t be this cute, and Stiles has just found out that maybe he’s a sucker for little kids. He lets Odette babble about anything and everything as he opens his laptop and turns it on, only intervening to pull Ehaldun into the conversation when he notices he wants to say something but he’s too shy to interrupt.

“Is your mom available?” Stiles asks after he finishes the quick check of the security cameras but finds nothing new. Unless someone put a personal camera with no intranet or connection to the Internet, he’s safe. “I need to ask her something.”

“I’ll get mom!” Odette exclaims happily before she rushes into the terrarium.

Stiles catches a strange expression on Ehaldun’s face as she leaves before the kid can cover it. Ever since he met the two siblings, the boy hasn’t let his little sister out of his sight. In fact, this has been the first time he hasn’t trailed after her after she’s moved farther than an arm’s length of distance from him and also the first time he’s seen him alone. It doesn’t take a genius to know the cause of this behavior, after all that’s happened to them. First the attack on their colony and then the whole failed school trip debacle. It’s no wonder that he doesn’t want to let her out of his sight. Odette doesn’t seem so affected by what happened to the colony (as opposed to her encounter with the huntress, which left her shaken), so Stiles guesses that either she wasn’t present or she was too young to fully understand what was happening.

In any case, Ehaldun wasn’t so lucky.

“Wanna play a game?” Stiles asks because the kid looks deeply uncomfortable with the silence and it’s almost painful to watch.

“A game?” Ehaldun repeats softly, his voice almost inaudible. He looks interested, though, so Stiles counts that as a win.

“Here, this is fun,” he replies as he opens the Minesweeper and starts playing a round to show him how it works. “It’s a puzzle game. You see that board?” Ehaldun nods, flying to hover Stiles’ shoulder to watch what he does. “You have to clear it. Under each square there are either mines or a number. If there’s a number, like here,” he points to a two he’s just uncovered. “This means that there are two mines around that square. You have to avoid those mines. If you hit them, it’s game over.” Stiles continues playing and the kid finally relaxes enough to sit on Stiles’ shoulder and starts piping suggestions on where to click. It’s almost too adorable the way Ehaldun jumps, startled when they make a mistake and the mines go off. “Wanna try?” Stiles offers, trying not to snicker at his pout and determined look.

“Yes, please,” he replies, nodding eagerly.

“Can you move the mouse? If it’s too difficult I can set it up with the keyboard. Try first and we’ll see.”

“Okay.”

Stiles mentally pats his shoulder, satisfied. Admittedly, he doesn’t know the kid much, even though Odette has dragged him almost daily to watch Stiles do his homework or other things, but this is the most excited he’s seen Ehaldun since he’s known him. He normally sits back and just observes with a closed off expression, only answering to his sister when she badgers him.

“Keyboard, it is,” Stiles says when it’s obvious that with the mouse it’s too awkward. “Gimme a moment.”

“Sorry,” Ehaldun mumbles, face red in shame.

“What for?”

“I-I…”

“You don’t,” he replies simply to what he knows the kid is going to say. “Here you go. Use the cross here to command the selection up, down, right or left. To select the square you press the enter.”

“What’s that?” Odette cries happily, Eglantine coming more sedately behind here. “I wanna play too. Can I? Please? Please?”

When Ehaldun looks like he’s about to let his sister go at it in his place, Stiles intervenes. “Here, Odette,” he stops the boy as he speaks, making him a gesture to keep on playing. He opens a duplicate window with the same game and explains to her the rules quickly before letting her play with another part of the keyboard. Stiles tunes them out as he turns his attention to Eglantine. There’s a strange expression on her face but he dismisses it to get to the matter at hand. “Remember where you left those two runes at the door of the hall that connects the two buildings and the stairs?” She nods. “When I got to school this morning, that huntress was waiting right at that exact place.” She startles and he rushes to explain what happened, distractedly reaching to help Odette when she seems to get too frustrated. “It could be a coincidence, sure, because, strategically, that’s a place where I would hide to catch someone. You can control a bigger area there. But I think that it confirms that Sterling either can see those runes somehow or rune magic leaves some kind of sign and she knows what to look for. Now my question is: if she can see them, can she trace the user or can she just see them if they are on her way?”

“That’s impossible.”

“Well, obviously…”

“No, Stiles. I mean it, it’s impossible,” she interrupts vehemently. “There are two ways of doing runic magic: either you use some kind of ink to write the rune or your own innate magic. If I had used ink, sure, a smidgen of the caster’s energy always remains on it, because it mixes with that ink or whatever you used to write it no matter how much you try to avoid it and makes it impossible for the array to consume it. But I didn’t do that, I used the second method. It takes more energy to do it, but the moment you stop feeding the runes magic, they disappear.”

“Does that happen immediately?” he asks after a moment of consideration.

Eglantine frowns, crossing her arms contemplatively. She smiles warmly when Odette lets out a startled scream when the mines go off, followed by a happy giggle as she starts another round. Ehaldun smiles triumphantly when he clears the board and Stiles smiles back, making the kid flush. A couple of older kids come out, obviously drawn out by the noise they’re making. They settle for taking turns without Stiles’ intervention so he turns his attention back to Eglantine.

“I don’t know the exact time, but I think it takes a bit for the runes to consume the remaining energy once you stop feeding them. A couple of minutes or more depending on the array? In any case, whether it is traced with ink or magic, the array converts the magic, acting as a filter, essentially changing it’s nature and leaving it unrecognizable. We’ve tried tracking it before and it’s impossible.”

“And are you completely sure about that?” She nods and he hums in response. “Can we do an experiment? To see how long it takes for a communication rune to fade, I mean. Maybe Sterling saw them before they faded?”

Eglantine places the array on the table. After approximately the same amount of time that she kept them up at the school, she stops feeding them. It takes about twenty minutes to fade. They make more tests with various different arrays and it turns out that depending on the one used, it needs more or less energy to function.

Conclusion? It’s possible that the huntress found them before they faded. So, either, best case scenario, it’s pure coincidence that she’s was right there waiting for him (which means that, if she was the one to destroy the colony, she was lucky, she crossed paths with a fairy and then she followed them home) or, worst case scenario, she can see runic magic, or the signs left by it somehow. In any case, seeing that Sterling can’t track a magic that is long gone by now, it’s better that Stiles does his best to not raise her suspicions. The sooner she forgets about him, the better.

With that out of the way, since they’re already talking about runes, they work out a schedule for the lessons. Eglantine will start with the basics, since she’s the one that usually teaches that to the kids. When he masters that, either Beriadan or Aelfwine, depending on their availability, will take over to teach him the rest. The elders will impart their vast knowledge about the supernatural world in between those lessons. If any of them is otherwise occupied, other fairies will take over the lessons.

At dinner time, his dad calls to tell him he will be late and to apologize, in that order and very awkwardly.

Stiles does throw the brownie into the trash in the end.

⭐ Previous | Next ⭐

[insvisiblestrings]

A Chat About Mental Health

So if you didn’t know it is mental health awareness month and I happen to be diagnosed with a few of the most stigmatized illnesses as well as a few that typically aren’t stereotyped as belonging to people like me. So I want to.. talk about it. In hopes to break some stigma, break some stereotypes, and maybe even inspire someone to hold on? That’s asking a lot, so, let’s just see where this takes us.

I was a sad anxious lil kid. I was praised for being so polite and mature and in reality I was being hit at home and I wasn’t shy, I was anxious. When I went to my grandma’s after school I would eat and eat until I could feel anything at all, anything other than the shame of having no friends. I will skip the triggering details but I eventually saw a psychologist who did horrible things to me, I was seven. So at the age of seven I was anxious, I was traumatized, and I had been engaging in disordered eating for about 3 years. I also had the perfect storm of genetics and a bad home life where my brain just went bad. Not bad like evil, more like an avocado you forgot about in the fridge. I was a good kid, a good thing. But the mush inside was not good. I had violent, angry outbursts. I started self harming when I was 9, banging my head into walls and touching radiators too long. At 10 the panic attacks started and to cope with them I would count anything and everything, obsessively. If I was interrupted I would panic even more. At 11 I graduated to other types of self harm, mixed with too many pills, and at 12 I went on my first diet, which involved a sticky note on my bedroom door saying “do not go get food”. Looking back I see my diagnoses plain as day, a neon sign above my childhood memories of “this is when you started!” and other times just a question mark of habits I don’t ever remember living without. 

I do not remember my teenage years. I remember bits and bobs, but not the way I remember my childhood, which is so cleanly divided by year. It is a blur of “why are you like this” and “maybe this time the treatment will work.”

Things I do remember: the first time I threw a fit in the school cafeteria because my friend put her cheese into my salad (14), passing out and hitting my head on the stove on christmas morning (15), having a heart attack in 4th period english (16), long nights of texting my friend how scared I was the blood wouldn't stop (17), crying as I walked across campus (18), the onset of kidney failure from dehydration (19), and lying to my loved ones (14-19).

My teenage years were a blur of waiting rooms and bathrooms and my bathroom scale, the nutrition facts of my favorite foods and the taste of Kim K’s diet pills (grape, blegh). I saw a lot of people who didn’t do a lot to help. I got diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, Bulimia, EDNOS, and social anxiety. When I got to college I tried to commit suicide... four times. I got hospitalized and tried so hard to do better, to be better, to get better. It did not stick. I saw a psychiatrist on campus, we tried on a lot of diagnoses. I drank a lot of Ensure, I cried a lot. I screamed at her for daring to tell me what I did not want to hear. 

She diagnosed me with: Anorexia Nervosa (purging type), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD, and the cherry on top: “Parker I’m afraid you’re on the path to becoming an alcoholic.” 

Life with these is not easy. For one, people are annoying as hell. Joking about having OCD when you mean, “organized.” Thinking that people with personality disorders are “abusive and scary.” Or, and this is maybe the worst one, thinking that only combat veterans get PTSD. Eye. Roll. Also the “you’re not thin enough to be anorexic” and “you don’t seem crazy.” But what is life actually like when I am, lowkey, crazy? It is listening to Taylor Swift while eating a meal I really do not want to eat. It is learning to plan for down the road, because I will be alive many years from now. It’s trying my very best to put kindness into the world despite the horrible things in my mind. 

I saw that psychiatrist last in June of 2018. Since then I went off my meds, attempted suicide twice, contemplated suicide a thousand times, went through another traumatizing event and got PTSD: The sequel, and also I relapsed with my eating disorder like, a billion times. I made a post on here in August about being 10 months into recovery. I relapsed the very next week. Then again. And again. This is when my kidneys almost failed, and I was told “you’re going to treatment” and my insurance said “no he isn’t” and I had to not die at home. and also it was Thanksgiving. Anyone else in recovery from an ED: you feel my pain on that one. I also celebrated a very happy christmas, I baked a lot of treats and I actually ate them!! I went vegan for the best reasons and I did not lose weight doing so. I cried in a very fancy restaurant but I ate my whole freakin meal and that became a favorite spot for us. I stopped telling people “I’m bipolar, not borderline” and admitted that I am, indeed, borderline. OCD is still a bitch, I need to be back on prozac. My room is a mess, just saying! But I think that my loved ones will die in a crash if I do not say “drive safe” and close the door 3 times and count the minutes until they get where they are going.

In short: Life went on, and had very happy moments. Life dragged on, and left me feeling miserable. At this point in time I am 3 months into recovery from my eating disorder and I am struggling but I want to get better, truly, and that’s something. I am kind of suicidal lately, to be honest. I have angry outbursts and I cried in public the other day. But I’m about two months clean from self harm, and I told my boyfriend that I was feeling rough and needed extra support. I got told the other day that I look like I’ve lost weight and I tried so so hard to stay off the scale. I caved. I have lost a little weight. I can recognize that isn’t something to be happy about, even if I am a little bit happy. I am still struggling, that I can say. PTSD is here to stay, as is BPD. Manageable but not curable, that’s just my life. I am moving forward beyond the years of waiting rooms and hospital walls. I smile every day. I struggle, but I am miles away from where I was at 10, 15, 17. 

That’s my mental health story. It’s still in progress, but I hope it can show that some form of upward movement is possible. I am both a “it gets better” moment and in need of some “it gets better” inspiration. Thanks for reading if you did :) If you ever have questions about how I try to get better, or about my illnesses please send me an ask! I love talking about it, I needed someone to tell young me that I wasn’t ok and there were answers and help out there.

[vent-with-me0951]

So back again

Okay it's been a long time since I've posted an actual well... anything. Thus this is going to be extremely long. Because I've decided fuck it, let's put it all out there and see how it goes.

Ok so I'm gonna just straight let it all out and not sugar coat shit. My life is spiraling and I'm just waiting for a grip to stop it.

Let me explain. Please stay with me this isn't the root of the problem just how we got there.

My aunt and uncle are drug addicts, my mom is a somewhat functional alcoholic, my grandpa has ptsd and survivors guilt from Vietnam, and he has super bad mood swings and anger issues from the medication he has to take, along with a bunch of other shit I'll put in later, and my grandma is bipolar and she has a tendency to take her anger out on people who have nothing to do with why shes angry. Then there's me. I have social anxiety, depression, adhd, and ptsd from mental and physical abuse. So that's all the people who were living in my grandparents house. My aunt and uncle are there because they refuse to get jobs and go, and my mom is in the process of leaving the city. I lived there because my grandparents found out my papa is sicker than we thought. He has cancer, liver desiese, ptsd, suvivors guilt, bad legs a bad back, staff in his shoulder, and he only had 1 kidney and thats shitting out on him, he's had 2 strokes and he has emphysema, and my grandma has a lump in her brest she refuses to have checked, both of her knees are bad, and she has very little strength in her hands anymore, and she's hypoglycemic.

So they needed help.

Why, you ask with my auntie and uncle there.

Oh wait isn't your mom there too, you say.

Yes they are there mysterious other half of conversation, but they don't care.

So Tom and I (Tom is my fiance) let our lease expire and moved back to help with bills and food and just taking care of the house. Fast forward to the week before Thanksgiving last year. About a week after my last text post "Why am I in trouble now" another knock down drag out happened, because my aunt got caught and decided to blame the neeldes my grandma found on me. Let me explain something people. With all the shit wrong with my brain I'm not going to put something in my body that's going to fuck it up more. And on top of that... I FUCKING HATE NEEDLES!!! HATE THEM!!! LIKE I WAS THE KID(read adult) WHO KICKED THE NURSE BECAUSE OF A SHOT!!!!! My entire life I've been this person. It didn't magically change over night. Anyway it started shit between my aunt and I then my grandma and I because she of course took my aunt's side then my mother gets home from work and makes things worse my grandpa gets involved so now it's a cluster fuck of shouting and and demands then as soon as it started it's ended with Tom and I getting kicked out and my mother moving into my grandparents trailer on the side of the house, and my aunt getting $40 for supposedly a carton of cigarettes. Since that night I've moved twice. Not one of them including the first move, which is what I'm calling getting kicked out, were nice moves like I plan and get my stuff in boxes. I picked a place and moved, no this was "your family is on a rampage get your shit and get out" kind of thing. Or "it's too cold to survive" kind of move.

So move one was to the bed of my truck that was parked in the front yard of a my sister in law's new rental house and I basically stayed with her, her husband Ben and my mother-in-law. I'd clean the house for them I'd watch TV in the front room and every Sunday I'd make all of us dinner and whatever. (I say sister in law and mother in law because I've been with Tom forever we live together that's my husband in everything but paper) I used her bathroom I made my food in her kitchen almost like roommates except my room was in the truck.

My guys this was right before winter in Colorado like 3 days after Thanksgiving right when it starts to get cold here. But they at the time didn't have any extra space so... yeah I was screwed. Anyway fast forward to the night after Halloween. I'm in the truck with my dog Tom's at work I have a space heater going because it's like 20 outside and I'm in the damn shell of my truck. Wouldn't you know the first snow of winter hits and just so happens Ben needed the extension cord I was using on my space heater and didn't tell me so I wake up at like 3 in the morning freezing and my dog bundled up in my blankets. So that's bullshit #1. But I mean screw it so I get a new extension cord and get set up again whatever.

Please note that I'm still taking care of the house at this point. I'm still in the truck but fuck it I don't work my husband takes care of me. We just need time. Why not clean while we wait.

Fast forward to a to the the middle of November husband and I buy an RV from a guy he works with took a while in the cold ass bed of the truck but we did it. So move 2 into the RV. I/we love my damn RV. My husband and I were(still are) thinking about just buying a fixer upper on a patch of nice land, with the hookups for an RV and fixing our new house as we go along and slowly move into it.

Now the day we moved into the RV is the day I stopped going in my sister's house I don't clean it I don't cook in there they come over to the RV and by their words "camp for the night".

Now everything has been fine up untill about a month ago. Tom and I were going to move back into the house, that we now haven't been in since last November, because my mother in law was moving out and my sister in law asked us to stay in the house as roommates instead of in the RV as landmates as she put it. So we went out and got new flooring and paint. Because my mother in law had ugly colors on the wall last time I went in there and I mean who wants tile in their bedroom. Then when she left we were going to get everything redone and move into the house.

Please note that I now haven't been taking care of or going into it for anything since last November they come out to the RV or we go have lunch and crap.

My mother in law moves out and we go into the house and I don't even know what to say. It's bad I swear it should be fucking condemned. I can't move in. But now we are at the root of the problem. I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN THIS HOUSE!!!!!!!!!! ITS SO FUCKING BAD!!!!! My sister is acting like nothing is wrong everyone is acting like nothing is wrong. My husband and I don't want to touch anything it's so bad I don't want my dog in this house. Its so bad I don't want to park next to the damn house anymore.I don't really have any other option now though. Because we bought the damn paint and flooring already. Dude I don't know what to do. Like I honestly don't think it's safe for them to be in there. But when I bring it up they, they being my sister and Ben, act like nothing is wrong. This is the room they wanted us to move in like what the fuck is this shit.

Guys I have OCD to the point that where I have panic attacks. This put my straight into a panic attack. To the point that Tom had to carry me out. It has to be infested it has to be like holy fuck dude i cleaned I took care of the house it sure as shit didn't look like this when I left why the fuck how the fuck there's holes in the floor you guys there's mice everywhere I'm assuming based on this room and they didn't tell us shit dude we're paying 650 for this are you kidding hell no I'm not staying here with you sister or not. I don't know what to do or say. Like how do you...what do you even do because the people living in the house know what the house looks like they aren't dumb people you know what the fuck I don't even want to know what the kitchen looks like. There is seriously no way in hell I'm even staying on this land for longer than I have to. Because what the fuck and I told my sister that. I can't believe they arent having this same freak out I'm having.

Am I just being a bitch am I freaking out for nothing. Or is it as bad as I see it is. Because their reaction to it is making me think I'm just finally going crazy. I don't want to be remotly near this place anymore. That is the room they want us to sleep in. I've seen barns better than here. They keep asking when we are moving in and I keep telling them never but they don't believe me. My husband keeps saying never and they don't believe him. Like how are you going to tell someone oh yeah come live with is all you need to do is paint and replace the flooring in there. Then magically forget to mention mice and trash and what the fuck is that. Like first of all your a liar. Anyway so that's what my life's been like since my last text post. I do kinda feel better now that I got it out. But still what the fuck.

[ramblinganthropologist]

Writober 2020 4 - Lipstick

Summary: Ray knows nothing about makeup, which would be fine except for the fact she is a fairly popular idol with a gig coming up. Luckily, her collab partner is more than willing to give her a hand. Or in this case, just fucking do it for her. Did she mention she hated makeup?

---

“Now, about your scar...”

“Not fucking happening, Lucy.”

Ray got to watch as the girl in front of her sighed in exasperation. It was the third time she had achieved that particular tone, which was a record for their conversations. Then again, the day was young and her ability to annoy only increased the more tired she got. It was one of her hidden super powers, and she was more than willing to lean on it.

Then again, Lucy was her collab partner, so they probably should have some semblance of a working relationship.

At the moment, they were at the girl's school. Lucy had asked her to come over in order to hash out some things for their collab stage at the end of the week. Ray had taken it to mean practice, so there she was in her normal workout clothes. Given the other idol had all but shoved her into the room with a face hot enough to cook an egg, she had guessed wrong.

Nope. They were going over clothes and makeup instead. Maybe she should have expected that from someone who dressed like a fancy cake.

“I understand you have an aesthetic, but we need to blend well.” Lucy was in her school uniform, but it was slightly modified with a petticoat and lace on the sleeves. With her curled hair, headband, and dainty painted nails she was the picture of princess lolita. Ray didn't even want to know how early she had to get up to achieve that look – maybe that was why she boarded at the school. “And your scar...”

Ray touched it without thinking. It was an older one that started on her right cheek and stretched nearly to the bridge of her nose. She had gotten it back when she played baseball when she had successfully run for home. Apparently, they hadn't cleared all the rocks. She could still remember the pain some days, but it had been worth it to win the game.

And, well, it upped her intimidation factor.

“I get it, it doesn't work for loli fashion.” She crossed her arms. “But the only way you're going to cover it up is with a shit ton of concealer, and I doubt you have enough in my shade even for a practice run.”

She knew this from experience, of course. Once when she had been back in the states her cousin had tried to cover her scar up for a selfie. While Alice was nearly the same skin tone and they had been in fucking Texas, even she hadn't had enough to cover it completely. That selfie had never happened, partially because they had to spend a ton of time cleaning up.

So... yeah. Wasn't going to work.

Lucy sucked in her cheek at the statement. “You have a point there, I suppose. Japan is a little light on shades to match your skin tone.”

“Yeah, I know. Internet or bust.” Ray threaded her arms behind her head. “So, apart from that... can we get to practice or what?”

Judging by how her partner was dressed, she doubted that practice was going to happen at all that day. When the lolita wanted to get physical, she didn't wear any makeup and she pulled her hair back. Just getting out of her school uniform probably would've been problematic, so it was unlikely they would be doing anything of that sort. Her muscles were probably going to appreciate that; lately, Vaughan had really been putting her through the paces.

Who knew being an idol was so fucking physical?

Lucy didn't answer her. Instead, she went over to her makeup case and dug around while muttering to herself. Every so often, she placed something on the table next to her. Soon, she had a small collection of things that got her nod of approval. These she brought back over, placing them next to her target.

Well... shit.

“You know how to put lipstick and eyeliner on, yes?”

Ray shot her a blank look. “Does it fucking look like I know how to do that?”

The answer was of course a resounding hell no. Hell, she was barely 14 – why the fuck should she know? They were both fucking teenagers. But she let that matter drop – arguing it with Lucy was pointless. She had learned that one long ago.

So much for being as stubborn as both her parents claimed.

“Well, you surprised me with knowing about concealer.” Lucy retrieved two large hair clips from her pack and threaded them through Ray's bangs. “There. I can at least work on your eyes now. I have no idea how you see with your hair in the way.”

That earned her the tongue seal of disapproval. “I don't, or did you miss the fact I'm like one step up from legally blind?”

Lucy's hand stopped as she worked to prep whatever she was working with – it was all fuzzy from where Ray was sitting. “I didn't know you wore contacts.”

“I don't.”

Well, not all the time. She usually wore them for games or getting on stage. Otherwise, it was either glasses or going blind. Was she stubborn? Absolutely – also she hated poking her own fucking eyeballs. Maybe that's what her parents had meant.

Lucy definitely put the makeup down though. “New rule. You have to wear glasses or contacts when we are working together.”

Before Ray could complain, she added. “You don't know my school. I only have so much concealer in you shade. If you walk into a door and bruise something that wouldn't be covered by your costume, we'll have bigger problems.”

…

It was hard to argue with that, and Ray was really good at arguing. So her shoulders sagged in defeat, and she managed a nod. That at least seemed to cheer the lolita up, because she picked up her tools again.

Which meant, of course, it was now time for sensory hell.

“I'm surprised you don't know how to put this on, though. Doesn't Sunburst wear makeup for performances?” Lucy was smearing something gross onto her eyelids. Ray hadn't gotten the chance to see what it was before she shut her eyes, so she was left there wondering what the fuck was going on. If that wasn't a metaphor for her life, she wasn't sure what was.

At least her mouth was free. “It's not like we have anything telling us what to do, so no I don't really wear anything. Does your agency make you wear it?”

“Nobody makes me do anything I don't want to do.” Ray could respect that. “Well, that makes sense given what I know about your group. You do tend to do your own thing.”

There was a note of grudging respect there as Lucy continued to do whatever the hell she was doing. She would have grinned, but it was a little hard to move when someone was jamming a brush into her eyeballs. So she just sat there in sensory hell, waiting for the carnage to be complete.

It was taking a really long fucking time... this was why she didn't wear the shit.

“You have surprisingly long eyelashes now that I'm getting a better look.” Lucy was muttering as she switched tools. “Maybe that's why I never noticed you don't wear makeup.”

Did she? It was news to Ray. Then again, she wasn't really sure what determined if eyelashes were long or not. Did they have really tiny rulers for that, or was an equally minuscule measuring tape required? Or did they use one of those things people had in science class – micrograms, or something like that? It wasn't like she read fashion magazines...

Maybe she would ask Ayame about that when she got home... Ayame probably knew, she was smart about that sort of thing...

“You can open your eyes now, I just have one more thing and we're done.”

Her eyelids felt weird. Ray realized in her daze she must have zoned out. Opening them wasn't hard, though. Seeing the light again was – she hissed and shut them just as fast before the headache started. Talk about a rude awakening after a thought spiral. There should have been warnings on that kind of thing.

“Damn it, how long was I zoned out?”

Lucy was across the room from the sound of things. “About five minutes. Are you sure you remembered to take your medication before coming?”

“The bottle was upside down when I left, so yeah. Can't overwrite all the ADHD I guess.” She managed to open one eye – her partner was digging through the case. “Looking for something?”

The lolita was definitely turned towards her – the bow on her skirt was in the back and she didn't see it. “Yes, I had pulled out some lipstick and I can't find it now.”

There was a tube sitting next to Ray on the table. She picked it up and pulled off the lid. Sure looked like lipstick to her, though it was pretty damn dark. Actually, she was pretty sure it was black now that she was staring at it.

Huh. Ok maybe she was ok with this.

“This it?”

Lucy returned and took it from her. “Yes, that would be it. Thank you.”

“I didn't think black was part of the hime loli dress code, but alright.” Ray prepped herself for another form of sensory hell, one for people who normally bit at their lips when frustrated. She probably wasn't going to be allowed to do that until it was off or risk a lecture. This was the hard part about being an idol – following the rules.

The lolita didn't answer her – she just applied the damn shit with a focused gaze. It went on thick, but it wasn't terrible. On a scale from 1 – 10 of things Ray hated, it probably clocked in at about a 4 or a 5. So not great, but it wasn't going to end the world anytime soon.

Still, she didn't like it.

“Actually, I bought it for you. None of mine would have worked.” Lucy stepped back to evaluate her work. “I would suggest braiding some of your bangs back into your ponytail for performance day. The pink would stand out.”

“Suggestion noted.” Ray was still processing, though. “You got that for me?”

Was Lucy's face turning red? It was hard to tell at the distance she was at, but her body language definitely shifted. Somebody was embarrassed about something – that was almost a full body cringe. For someone who prided themselves on being subtle, she was being the exact opposite.

Which was hilarious as fuck, not going to lie.

“We are collab partners, it was appropriate.” Ah, formal language. She was definitely embarrassed. “It doesn't matter. Do you approve or not?”

Ah, right. They had been doing her makeup before Lucy had screwed up and admitted she gave a shit. Ray shrugged as she approached the mirror in the room to check things out. It took her a few seconds to get in range, but she was there eventually.

“Well, shit.”

It was a look, alright. The dark eye shadow and eyeliner made the green of her eyes stand out even more. She was pretty sure Lucy had done what the expert's called cats eye, or maybe she was just working with her eye shape to begin with. What had Vaughan called her, tsurime or something? Hell if she knew. The lipstick was definitely a little more Gothic than she normally would've gone, but it wasn't a bad thing either. With her costume, it would've definitely worked.

Not bad. She could live with this.

“Well?”

Lucy was waiting for her answer. Ray gave her a thumbs up in response as she loosened the tie in her ponytail. While braiding wasn't something she was great at, she could at least scoop some of her pink bangs back into the new ponytail. It wasn't as perfect as the idol would have liked, but at least it gave the perception.

“I think it's going to work. Now, how the hell am I going to get this shit off when I get home, because my dad lacks object permanence like all babies so I might confuse him.”

All she got in response was a vague noise that sounded like someone choking on their own spit. If she didn't know better, Ray would have sworn that the other idol was laughing. However, she was pretty sure Lucy didn't know how to do that. It got trained out of her at fancy idol school because it didn't look good on camera or something.

At least, she was pretty sure that's what Lena had said. Would senpai bullshit her?

“You are the worst.”

There was a softness to her tone as Lucy came over to inspect her work. Her fingers brushed back some of Ray's loose bangs, tucking them behind her ear. For the performance, it would all be better... but damn she was close.

Was it just her, or was the room getting hot?

“Ask your stepsister about makeup removing wipes, she should have some.” The lolita stepped back. “Now, about our song selection...”

Back to business as usual. At least Ray could work with this. It was hard to forget that vague sensation as she settled back to work. What the hell had that even been in that brief moment? Who knew – she had bigger things to worry about.

Like Lucy rearranging the schedule. Damn it, they had practiced it in a certain order for a reason. What the hell was she thinking?

[adhdbuzz]

(Quick note - I have copied this over from my main blog - this is my content...)

ADHD, Neurodivergence, Identity…

I want to start blogging about some of my experiences with mental illness and neurodivergence. Two words, that before this year, I would never of used in relation to myself.

One of the most fascinating and somewhat crippling aspects of learning you are neurodivergent, is becoming so hyperaware of your thoughts, actions, personality, wondering what’s you and what’s your diagnosis, (or what you are imagining/projecting because of your diagnosis). I likely drive my friends mad talking or joking about it, but it’s hard to articulate the complete upheaval that learning this about yourself creates. Suddenly your entire history and personhood is re-defined. You have to change your narrative. I spent most of my teenagehood and childhood feeling removed/estranged from the people and world around me. More than feeling an ‘outcast,’ I felt myself an alien. I believed (and felt that others believed), that I was incredibly lazy and did not have the drive to puruse my passions and potential. This left such a hole in my heart and self-confidence. Imagine that you have this great love for something - or many things, but can’t even motivate yourself to take one single step toward it. You lose interest in every hobby you’ve ever taken up and you don’t understand why you can’t just do the thing. It seems easy for everyone else? What am I missing? So you compensate. Suddenly (and very briefly), you are really into note-taking and study blogs and watching countless hours of videos on how to get organised and ‘change your life’ and you imagine what kind of person you could become.  Or you start every new year or semester with the goal to just stay on top of things, just remember, just write it down - everyone else does it? Why can’t you? Inevitably, that falls away.

What happens when you can’t maintain this? When suddenly those three assignments are due, you’ve dropped out of your class/hobby, you’ve missed another opportunity, avoided another goal and heard another person tell you, ‘you just need to get organised…’ ‘ you’ve got so much potential, you just need to apply yourself!’ “I don’t understand how you forgot/didn’t do the thing/didn’t write it down!”

I don’t think I can ever effectively describe the impact that this has had on me. There is something so devastating in not understanding there is something different about your brain during the really sensitive, formative years of your life. Because you end up spending so much time trying to work out why you are not like everyone else, why you struggle with things that most people find easy, why it is a constant battle to stay afloat, to have people angry with you/criticising you for something that you both feel should be in your control, but neurologically isn’t.  

ADHD is so severly misunderstood. It’s invisible and it is crippling. The image of the little boy in class who can’t sit still or stop talking is such a prevalent and damaging stereotype. Before I got my diagnosis and before I even had looked into ADHD, I spent hours researching what could be wrong with me and doing online ‘tests’. These ranged from anxiety, to depression, Bipolar, PMDD and Personality Disorders, (strangely enough, ADHD often exists alongside other mental illnesses and I was diagnosed with co-morbidities…) But I think this gives a degree of context to what undiagnosed ADHD feels like, because it’s not someone who wont shut up, or sit still. To me it feels like everyone else got a manual on how to be a person and I didn’t. Often times, it’s the depressed, anxious, struggling teenager or young adult, who feels so inadequate, who feels like an alien, who can’t even trust their own passions or interests. Who is in a constant battle to meet the expectations of themselves and those around them. Who’s socially awkward or uncomfortable, who’s disocciated, who can’t follow a conversation, or instructions, who suffers in loud spaces, who struggles with small talk, strangers, shopping centres, keeping themselves and their space clean, uni work, school work, chores, family, friendships, relationships, their identity, their passions, there interests, their personality, regualating their emotions

ADHD is so exhausting, because it’s a constant battle to just meet the base line. Every thing you do from the moment you get up, til the moment you are asleep (and even then) is impacted by it.

Say you have an assignment, and a couple of chores to do on one day. Not a big deal right? Ok so you set an alarm for 8am, except your brain didn’t turn off until 4am the night before, so you get up at mid day, you go to put the washing in, but you forgot to turn on yesterdays load, so you do that first, you go to make a morning coffee, you check the time, it’s 12.30 - where did half an hour go? I just got up?! (Time-blindness). You make your coffee and drink it while checking social media, which sucks you in, because your dopamine depleted brain craves stimuli! You check the time, its 1pm, you tell yourself you’ll scroll for ten more minutes, and that ten minute excuse repeats a few times. It’s 1.30 and now your angry, because why didn’t you have the self control! (Hint: you have a disordered executive function). You put your mug on the sink, promising you’ll come back to it later. You go back to the laundry, you realise you forgot to turn the dryer on. You go to do your assignment, you clear your desk, open laptop, but now you don’t know where to start - you can’t naturally prioritise tasks, or break down the individual steps that need to be done in order to complete an assignment, you must do this with the ‘skills’ you have actively had to learn from a coach, internet etc. It’s like trying to bake a cake with no measuring cups, or recipe! So now you are looking at the assessment outline, and what you’ve worked on already, and trying to close last nights 200 tabs of hyperfixation. You read the outline 5 times without actually reading it, on the 6th you try really hard, you’re fidgeting in your chair, it’s an almost physical pain having to sit there and read it. Your eyes feel glazy, there’s too many words and they look like a big smudge on the page. You quickly check messages (dopamine hit), you come back to the outline. Its been half an hour, you still haven’t started. It’s about 2pm, you havent had lunch or breakfast. You go make a tea and come back. Maybe you need backround music? You spend another 20 minutes finding the right playlist, except its not right because it’s either too stimulating or not stimulating enough. You find another playlist, or you go down the rabbit whole of some movie soundtrack you’ve been meaning to look at. It’s 2.45. The washing! You go back and finally get yesterdays load in the dryer and start the load you meant to do today. Might as well make another tea now that I’m up. Might as well check Facebook now I’ve been interrupted. I’ll start at 3.30. 3.30 rolls around, your sibling gets home from school. Noise, talking, lunchbox rattling, bags being unpacked. Distraction. The noise is painful, your executive function (the impaired part of the ADHD brain) is also responsible for emotional regulation. Suddenly you are so fiercly angry at the noise being made in the rest of the house. It’s so over stimulating it feels like sandpaper on your brain and ears, you feel sick to your stomach with rage, you are crying, sobbing. All because people in the other room are talking. You lay on your bed trying to calm the overwhelm and increasing stress at not having done your assignment. It’s 4pm. Mum asks why you left your mug out, or didn’t do the dishes (you were too busy thinking about doing the washing!) She notes the machine still going and tells you that you wont have time to put it in the dryer tonight, you’ll have to do it tomorrow. But you need those clothes for tomorrow, you’re having breakfast with a friend. You’ll have to reschedule. You message your friend, and repeat the standard script “god I am so sorry, I’m such a mess, can we do later in the morning? I’ve got to do chores…” they can’t reschedule, you cancel. You sit back down with the assignment. You fidget. It feels like a physical pain to have to sit there and force yourself to do it. You’ll do it tomorrow. You pack up, and get ready for bed, removing the pile on your bed back to your desk. Your sheets are unmade, it’s uncomfortable and you feel agitated. You’ve forgotten to brush your teeth, or clean your face. You scroll online, or hyperfocus on a new hobby, project, idea, that wont interest you tomorrow, until 3am. You set your alarm for 8am…

This is just one small example and snapshot of ADHD and the impact of Executive Dysfunction. Here are a couple of examples/descriptions of how it feels from the ADHD subreddit.

“Schrodinger’s ADHD: Everything is interesting and boring at the same time. Every subject, every hobby.”

‘The Two ADHD Moods: I can’t do it / I can’t stop doing it. The two types of ADHD time: Now  /  Not Now The two ADHD memory modes: I literally can not recall the words that just                                                         came out of my mouth  /                                                                                       I can recite the opening paragraph of                                                                 every single magic tree house book.’

I also want to talk Neurodivergence, as this is another misconception when it comes to ADHD. In the way that Autism, Tourettes, Dyscalculia, Dysgraphia are all forms of neurodivergence, so is ADHD. ADHD is not a behavoural issue, but a neurobiological developmental disorder. ADHD also has many overlapping traits with Autism, (not to be confused as the same, ADHD is not on the spectrum). These include, sensory overwhelm/sensitivity, memory issues, hyperfocus/hyperfixation, interrupting conversation/trouble waiting in turn, issues reading/recognising social cues, stimming, perseveration, (getting ‘stuck’ on or repeating a thought, topic or idea, even if the conversation has moved on), and avoidance/trouble with eye contact.

To be clear, ADHD is not on the spectrum, a distinguishing feature between these neurotypes is the cause of the symptom. For example someone with ADHD may not recognise social cues due to inattention/overwhelm/impulsivity, where as someone with autism may struggle to interpret these social cues.

It is important for ADHD to be recognised as a neurotype, and not a behavoural issue.  When discussing ADHD traits with a neurotypical person, the response is often along the lines of ‘well everyone is a little distracted/unmotivated/lazy/forgetful/late sometimes.’ My response to that  ‘Would you say that everyone is a bit ‘socially awkward/shy’ sometimes to an autistic person? Or ‘everyone has trouble reading sometimes’ to a dyslexic person?’ I imagine the answer would be no, as it is understood that these traits are a consistent, uncontrollable and debilitating.

The more I have learnt and read about ADHD in the context of neurodivergence, the more I have tried to recognise the ways I hide or detract from my symptoms, by ‘masking’. This has included, taking on certain personas or feeding someone elses assumption about me as ‘the messy one,’ ‘the disorganised one,’ ‘the chaotic one.’ In the past I have almost embraced these stereotypes about myself, as it gave me a sense of identity, a framework with which to see and understand myself. Frustration and anger masked over-stimulation/overwhelm, I was not able to recognise the root of these feelings and I also learnt to fidget/stim in the ‘right’ way. When engaging in small talk with someone I am unfamiliar with, I often resort to mimicing or imitating how I have seen other people interact, speak etc and I am conscious of eye contact, (too much, too little?). I catch myself looking at people/staring too much and am constantly trying to gauge what the right amount is, where else to look, etc. I struggle a lot with taking turns in convesation, as I don’t always know where to interject, or I worry I will forget the thought, this has led me to just stay silent instead in conversations and present myself as serious, or elusive.

That’s really all I have to say for today. I think overall ADHD is far more complex and challenging than it is perceived to be, and these stereotypes are so harmful to people who have it and are trying to navigate not only their symptoms, but a world that is not understanding nor knowledgeable of the limitations and struggles of ADHD or neurodivergence.

I have a lot more to say on all this and will try and write more about this going forward. DM/comment etc if you have any thoughts or criticism of anything I have said. Disclaimer, I am still learning and may make mistakes regarding information, or discussing other neurotypes !

Here are some links you might want to check out if you have/think you have ADHD or you have a friend or family member with ADHD. I also highly, highly recommend the ADHD subreddit!

ADHD explained simply:

https://www.additudemag.com/what-is-adhd-symptoms-causes-treatments/

“ADHD is a developmental impairment of the brain’s executive functions. People with ADHD have trouble with impulse-control, focusing, and organization.

“’Attention deficit’ is, some experts assert, a misleading name. “Attention deregulation” might be a more accurate description since most people with ADHD have more than enough attention — they just can’t harness it in the right direction at the right time with any consistency.”

Comorbidities https://adhd-institute.com/burden-of-adhd/epidemiology/comorbidities/ “The majority of adults with ADHD have a diagnosed or undiagnosed comorbid psychiatric disorder, which can complicate diagnosis and treatment of ADHD.1-3“ ADHD and Autism https://www.spectrumnews.org/features/deep-dive/decoding-overlap-autism-adhd/ “A growing number of genetic studies support the notion of at least some shared causation between autism and ADHD. But imaging studies comparing brain structures and connectivity have yielded a confusing mix of similarities and differences. And some behavioral research has highlighted the possibility that outwardly similar features mask distinct underlying mechanisms. Inattention in a person with autism, for example, might result from sensory overload, and apparent social problems in someone with ADHD may reflect impulsivity. Perseveration https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/common-challenges/self-control/perseveration-adhd-and-learning-differences

“(Kids) who perseverate often say the same thing or behave in the same way over and over again. And they do it past the point where it makes sense or will change anything. It’s like they’re stuck in a loop that they can’t get out of.”

ADHD and social skills https://chadd.org/for-adults/relationships-social-skills/#:~:text=Social%20Skills%20in%20Adults%20with,their%20inattention%2C%20impulsivity%20and%20hyperactivity.

“Social skills are generally acquired through incidental learning: watching people, copying the behavior of others, practicing, and getting feedback. Most people start this process during early childhood. Social skills are practiced and honed by “playing grown-up” and through other childhood activities. The finer points of social interactions are sharpened by observation and peer feedback.

Children with ADHD often miss these details. They may pick up bits and pieces of what is appropriate but lack an overall view of social expectations. Unfortunately, as adults, they often realize “something” is missing but are never quite sure what that “something” may be.”

ADHD and stimming https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/adhd/repetitive-behaviors-in-children-with-adhd-stimming-fidgeting-and-what-these-actions-may-mean/

“Many believe that stimming and fidgeting is reserved for those on the autism spectrum. However, it is now known that children with ADHD are just as likely to use repetitive body movements to self-stimulate. In fact, autistic stimming and non-autistic stimming are different. The main difference is that those with ADHD typically only use stimming for a short period of time while they are trying to concentrate. For example, someone with ADHD may stim for under an hour while those with autism will stim for several hours at a time. While stimming and fidgeting are typically seen as tapping or rocking, there are many other things that children with ADHD do to self-stimulate. There are actually five different variations of stimming, which include olfactory, vestibular, visual, tactile, and auditory.”

[sparklyeaglepoetry-blog]

Loveland Colorado Cheap car insurance quotes zip 80538

"Loveland Colorado Cheap car insurance quotes zip 80538

Loveland Colorado Cheap car insurance quotes zip 80538

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://insureinfo.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

RELATED QUESTIONS: 

Insurance same day proof?

i was pulled over on he 1-9-2008 the same day i received the insurance went to court thought it was done i recevied a paper from the bmv in ohio asked for my insurance sent it to them 2 weeks later was sent another letter insurance same day proof for my insurance company faxed that to them they faxed it back should i had insurance 1-9-2008-6-9-2008(changed insurance companies)my insurance company signed it i sent it to the bmv that apparently was not good now they on the paper which never asked for the time exactly and make and model of car shouldn't they just except what the insurance company sighned and gave them

Motor trade insurance for 46 year old and a named driver at 18?

Currently have an motor trade insurance policy with motrade. However they are closing down so need to find another insurance company. The problem is that the name driver is only 18. Motrade allowed named drivers from 17! Does anyone know of an motor trade insurance company that will insure an 19 year old on a policy. The policy holder is 46. Thanks! :)

How much do you pay for car insurance per year?

I'm just curious. Thank you in advance.

How much is the insurance for a 2003 Nissan Maxima?

I am a teenage driver and i need a cheap car but a nice car

Auto Insurance in Indiana?

I have had Progressive for many years and no claims.We do deserve cheaper rates because of our age and driving record and low mileage. I recieved a much lower quote from Indiana Farmers Mutal Insurance. I have a 2000 Tahoe that is like right off the show room floor and I understand most companies are allowed to relace parts from a junk yard or for much lower than would it would cost unless it is under 2 years old. Has anyone placed a claim with either of these companies and what was your satisfaction? Because of the condition of our Tahoe, which is perfect and just over 30 thousand miles and a limited edition, who has ideas on the best auto insurance out here in Indiana?""

1997 camaro insurance?

Hey , wuts a ballpark answer 4 how much the insurance for a 97 camaro z28 would cost for a 17 year old ? Also, are they pretty good cars and reliable? I alresy got an online quote , but I want answers from ppl who've owned a camaro from 1993-97.""

What cars are cheap to insure for 18 year old?

I've just passed my test and I'm trying to find cheaper insurance, I'm not bothered what car as long as it's not expensive. The black box isn't suitable for me please don't suggest that. The other thing is, what insurance company is good""

Suspend my insurance without it lapsing?

Im having some mechanical problems with my car that Im financing, and I am too young to rent a car while its in the shop, so Im considering buying a cheap car to get me by until I can fix it. Unfortunately Im still financing the first car and want to know if there is any way to put a hold on my insurance so im not paying $200 a month to insure a car Im not driving. I will still be making the car payments but it would make it a lot easier for me to afford the repair bill if I could skip on the insurance without the bank I finance thru getting upset.""

Which car insurance company has the lowest rate?

Does state farm have the lowest car insurance rate?

""How many people out there would love a health care insurance exchange, where you can buy insurance on your own?""

and not have to choose a job based on benefits, and you could switch jobs without worrying about losing coverage. Why would people be against this, unless they are part of a union and do not want everyone to have great benefits like they do?""

On homeowners insurance .. What is the difference between Replacement cost and Acutal cash Value? what pays mo

What pays more and what is the least expensive?? please some one explain to me in detail.. Does my home need to be insured with the market value???

What kind of insurance is this?

As a doctor, if you mess up, and someone sues you, you need to have insurance for that. What is this insurance called?""

I was wondering how much insurance would cost for a 05 mustang gt im 14 and have my permit cause i live in SD?

i would like to know how much per month (Preferably State Farm) insurance rates would cost for a first time car buyer for a young teenager getting a sports car my mom is alright with the price of the car alone and monthly lease but wants to know the monthly insurance fee.

Do I Really need to tell my insurance company about my Conviction?

Hi, 4 and a half years ago, I had 2 speeding convictions. Both with 2 months. My driver is European (German) so there is no paper part and no part which shows points. My insurance runs out in 4 months however today I realised in the insurance papers that it does not show my convictions. I called DVLA and they informed me that the convictions had been removed because they were over 4 years old. My insurance ask about convictions from 5 years ago, Should I tell them?""

Car insurance goes down after you turn 25?

I recently turned 25 and got my renewal for my car insurance. I know it goes down after you turn 25. I got a ticket last November. Of course, it went up. But was my car insurance suppose to go down after I turned 25? Even though I got a ticket.""

What are some jobs/companies that offer insurance for part time employees?

I have a part time morning job working as a teacher's aide 8:30 to 11:30 a.m. that I love and don't want to give up but I will never have more hours or insurance. I need to get an afternoon job with insurance because my health insurance jumps to $600.00 per month in July!!! The copay is $45.00 and the deductable is $2000.00 which means it never pays for anything and I cannot even afford to go to the doctor! Do you work at a place with ins. for part time employees? Can you select a PPO? How long do you have to work there to get on the insurance? I live in Southern California.

""I am interested in purchasing life insurance, but lack general knowledge of the industry?""

What kind of life insurance would be best suited for a 26 year old in good health who is the sole income in the family? Keep in mind that I support a stay at home husband, and have 3 children. No assests and no debt. Thanks.""

Whats the best practical car or van insurance wise for a banned driver?

I was banned from driving due to a dr10 conviction and rest assured i have heartedly learned my lesson from this experience. My question is im looking to get my life back on track and so was wondering if anyone would know whats the cheapest practical car or van insurance wise for say if i wanted to start a buisness or just best overall. When i say practical i mean at least something that could pull a trailer as i e been told a 1400cc would be inadequet. Im 22 with no no claims bonus so i know its gonna be hard but any info appreiciated. Please no lectures i know what i did was a stupid incident but i truly have learned from it.

Do you have to have car insurance to drive a motorbike or a car?

hi there i was wondering do i have to have car insurance to drive a motorbike or a car ? oh and how much do you think they would charch a 19 year old guy oh and do i pay weekly or monthly or yearly ?

What do you need to get car rental insurance if you dont have car insurance?

Ok my husband and i are planing a trip and would like to know what we need as far as car rental insurance he has a clean driving record but we do not own a car hence the rental and there fore dont have car insurance so we dont know were to start or how we even get it. Someone plz help. Oh and he is 26 so we dont have a problem in that department lol.

""For 17 Year Old Males, What's The Cheapest Car To Own For Insurance?""

Im Turning 17 Soon and Was Thinking of Getting a Car, I Just thinking of getting a car with a lowest insurance cost, I Cannot Find Anything on The Internet As Go Compare and Money Supermarket keep Changing there Results Everytime i Refresh, any help ?""

Whats the cheapest place to get insurance?

I got a 01 kia optima im 23 years old, male, and paying about 100 dollars a month for full coverage. Company: American Family. Any better deals""

Anyone know where to get esthetics liability insurance?

I am working as an independent contractor. Any suggestions for insurance companies?

I need help finding an affordable health insurance plan!! I am a young adult!?

I need help finding an affordable health insurance plan!! I am a young adult! I currently am 20, and I am on Medicaid. Full coverage. I am a former foster youth. Being a former foster care youth I get medicaid until I am 21. I turn 21 in October...I need some sort of affordable health insurance plan. I take ADHD medication, it really works and helps me focus. My work ethic has improved SIGNIFICANTLY, and I can actually focus. Its great, I am about to start college and am worried I am no longer going to be able to take this ADHD medication. I support myself for the most part, and no, I can not be on my parent's health insurance. I make about 16,000 a year, and pay half of rent and some bills etc. I need to find a health insurance plan that either A. will pay for all my my 198.00 a month prescrption cost, or B. pay for most of it. Will someone help me out? Direct me to any insurance company you know that can help me? Thank you so much. And please..real answers. Thank you for your time!""

Can you get life insurance if you smoke marijuana?

My husband's 20 year policy is up and I am renewing us one together. He smokes it occasionally and I do not. We have to do a medical screening to the get insurance, so do they drug test? What is the outcome of smoking marijuana? Does that automatically cancel the application? We have 6 months to take the exam, so I am sure he can stop until then, but I am just wondering about the rules.""

Loveland Colorado Cheap car insurance quotes zip 80538

Loveland Colorado Cheap car insurance quotes zip 80538

What will happen to my insurance?

My brother was in a car accident in my car - he's not on the insurance. My car was pretty damaged, the other car only scratched and drove away. He gave my auto insurance info to the other driver but there was no police report. Can the other driver make a claim without a police report? I only have liability, can I make a claim against their insurance? I live in NY State. How does this work?""

Average insurance for a 23 year old in Texas?

I am a 23 year old male from Texas and I'm shopping around for a new vehicle. I'm stuck between a quad cab dodge ram and a dodge challenger. About how much would I be payin on insurance a month on either of them?

Will my parents' Geico insurance rate go up if I (uninsured) get into an accident?

I got into an accident today which was my fault and damaged the front lights area. The car I was in is my mom's who is covered with Geico. Geico will cover all the damages done for this car and the other one involved, but will the insurance go way up? By how much?""

Gerber life insurance company?

is this even worth doing has anyone ever done this...i need feed back and ideas i have a one year old little boy and i want him to have something to fall back on when he gets older, weather its college or whatever The insurance says they can cash it out for the premium. So should i sign up or just get him a savings account?""

A question about Group Medical Insurance and Life Insurance?

ok my friend will be working @ braums as a full-time .. and she told me that she will get life and medical insurance without even paying for them.. is that true? so lets say she cut her hand and now she need to have a surgery does that really mean that she will get surgery for free? and whats the difference between Group Medical Insurance and Life Insurance? and if she is not right that can u tell me how does it work? here is the link read the benefits @ the top of the page

How can I get health insurance?

Me and my family are moving to Arizona in August, we are now living in Illinois and are receiving medicaid, but we are forced to move out of state for some personal reasons we make about $2,100 per month but that is because my Dad is on Social Security Disability cause of a back injury when he was working, our rent will be around $1,000 and that take about 1/2 of our money and there is no way we could afford health insurance as well as getting everything else""

I got car insurance and it allows me to drive other peoples cars on my insurance?

if i were to buy another car, 2nd car will i be able to drive that without registering to any insruance company? i wont be selling my 1st car, it will still have the insruance, and the insruance it has allows me to drive other cars, but im not sure if the other cars also need insurance from a company""

Question about car insurance?

if insurers are allowed to stereotype that all males are aggresive drivers and as a result should be charged more, why do asians not have higher premiums too? hasent it been proven that driving below the speed limit is just as dangerous as speeding? i did a quote for a car im looking to buy, and insurance would be about $6000 a year for me (17 year old male), for my girlfriend it would only be $3000. i think thats pathetic! not all male drivers are bad, sure a lot are, but alot of asians are horrible drivers!""

What are the advantages and disadvantages of a high-deductible insurance plan?

I am looking in to getting insurance that has a high ded. plan and a low ded. plan. What are the advantages and disadvantages??

What insurance will accept me?

Here is what happen. I was invited into this car insurance agency. I was with them for the last 5 years. I had 3 accidents in the last year. 1 first one was at an airport and the guy that hit me claimed full responsability 2nd a guy went through a red light and hit me and was charge with a dwi. The 3rd a chick clipped my car and no claims were paid because it was a he said she said. My car insurance now said that they were dropping me. I was tlaking to an agent and she was telling me it did not matter that 2 were not my fault because i was still in an accident. I was then telling her how I felt robbed and cheated by them. I then heard what sound like chewing in the back round. I said Are you eating She said what? I said are you eating She said um... maybe I said how rude, after 5 years of loyalty and you do this They dropped me. They said no one will want me. how can i get car insurance now?""

My mums with the AA car insurance what are the likely implications for canceling her insurance mid way?

my mum has paid annually (141 quid) lucky sod. and she is considering canceling it to add me to a cheaper car insurer as adding me on the AA insurance is MIND BLOWINGLY EXPENSIVE, (talking 5grand plus per annum) and with aviva its less than half that... but before she cancel she wants to make sure the AA have no hidden cost as all they state is a refund will be paid if insurance has been paid in full and a cancelation fee of 50 must be paid. thats all the information she could find but she wants to know if there are any hidden tricks insurers pull off if your try and cancel.... please help i know its a bit wordy.""

How much is insurance and a Aston Martin?

How much is insurance and a Aston Martin?

Can I buy salvage cars from insurance auctions and then resell them as-is using a seller permit in California?

I want to know if is legal to use my sellers permit to buy totaled cars or salvaged cars at auction to the resell them (as is) in ebay. would i need a dealer license if I selling more than 5 a year?

First car insurance help?

I am 17 year old male, I have spent months looking for a car that I can be insured on for at least a respectable price, I have have gotten quotes for all the typical first cars, KA, Corsa, Punto, Ibiza etc. and they have all been ridiculous like 5-6k?! Now I know you can get insurance as a new male driver cheaper I just don't know what car or how that is possible. I've heard rumors that Ford Puma's are actually very good on insurance for new male drivers even though they are 1.4l and up? is that true?""

""Would Obama's plan mean free (or affordable) comprehensive health insurance for everyone, no matter what?""

Is this what we can hope for? Affordable or even free health care for all Americans, rich and poor?""

I need to know about car insurance?

so i got in a lil lil car acdent it wasent realy even one i just left a scarb a lil one on his car see i was on the highway my breaks dident stop in time i was going really slow when it happen and it left a lil scarb on the back of his car so he said if i have 220 dollars by saturday he will not cal my moms car insurance if he calls the insurance would my mom find out? and what would happen if he called them?

How much is your monthly car insurance bill?

indicate your age and if you have full coverage. I want to know if what I'm paying is average. I'm under 25 and I was involved in an accident.

Importance of public insurance?

what is it's importance to the public insurance user?

Hiring an employee / health insurance?

If I hire an employee in California do I have to pay for their health insurance? Is there some threshold like 40hrs/week where I have to start paying or what?

If you rent a budget truck will my insurance company insure it while im driving it?

If you rent a budget truck will my insurance company insure it while im driving it?

What's wrong with affordable health insurance without a middle man?

We have affordable car insurance and the gov't doesn't get involved in that, do they? Am I the only one who thinks a few of these industries (insurance, pharmaceutical) should be regulated?""

Rough estimate of Health/Dental Insurance Cost of family of four?

I am considering taking a position with a firm that currently does not offer health insurance. I will ofcoarse seek professional help to get a better number, I just wanted to see what sort of range I will be looking at. I live in Texas and both my wife and I are in our late 20s and have two one year olds. Thanks""

Will my medical insurance pay?

Will my medical insurance pay for my transportation to work. I just had my drivers license suspended for MEDICAL REASONS. PLEASE HELP!

Health Insurance Policies For Smokers?

How are health insurance policies for smokers differ from that for non smokers?

The cheapest car insurance?

Hey everyone!! I'm planning to get my first car, and i was wondering what is the cheapest possible car insurance in Utah and nationwide. thanks!!""

Loveland Colorado Cheap car insurance quotes zip 80538

Loveland Colorado Cheap car insurance quotes zip 80538

Car insurance?

My auto insurance has expired and I'm kinda looking for a new car insurance. I can extend the previous car insurance, but I just want to know about other car insurances as well so that I can make a good choice. I took a look at many car insurance company websites, but it seemed like I need to put all my personal information (not only about my car and my email address but also my home address, phone# etc) to get a quote. I'm worried that maybe they would send me all kinds of junk mail kinda stuff to my house if I put my address on the form to get a quote. Do you know any good ways of getting a quote without telling them my personal info? Any recommendation which car insurance company is good? Btw I've never got into any car accidents so I just need a cheap auto insurance. I drive '83 caddi.""

""I am looking for car insurance in uk,can you recommend one?""

Every year,my insurance goes up even with 5 years no claim and same car. Why? It should have been cheaper surely, I heard of quidco,is it worth the hassle?""

Have you lied to get car insurance?

There was an item on the news today saying that at least 1 in 10 people have lied to get car insurance. Usually the lies are about motoring convictions and where the car is being kept overnight. Have you ever lied to get cover and what lie did you tell?

Car Insurance If I Am Not The Car Owner?

Is it possible for me to insure myself to drive my sister's car, and to add her as a named driver? Or do I have to own the car. My sister has just passed her test, and her insurance would cost 700 if she does it herself. If I insure myself to drive the car and add her as a named driver, then it would be more like 200. Does my sister have to sign over ownership of the car to me for this to work?""

Which Is the best car insurance?

Hi everyone!! I am a 20 year old single mother. At the moment, I am studying and also about to get back into work. I have just passed my driving test and looking to buy a car....realistically, I think at this point a used one is ok even though I saw a site that sells cars and you can pay on installments. If I wanted a Ford KA, or a Mini Cooper, or a Renault (the one from the I see you baby shaking that asss advert few years ago), which insurance company is best and can give me a good cheaper deal. Thank you!!!! p.s manual cars are my focal point.""

Car insurance for teenagers?

Im 18 and I own a used car. Never a trouble maker. I have a part time job. I want to know what insurance I can get for my car that is affordable.

If you didn;t need to buy car insurance till you get into an accident?

Would you buy insurance till you needed it. Same with Health insurance, why buy it till I need it. Obama Care says you can not be denied health care for pre existing.""

What is the lowest average cost for health insurance?

Im a poor 22 year old college student, and I am looking for health insurance at a very low cost- any ideas?""

What does it mean to have full coverage?

It's too late to call a auto company so I am asking it here, I live with my girlfriend and was wonder about getting full coverage on my car, we want to know if I get full coverage would she be able to drive my car legally without putting her on my insurance?""

Can someone please tell me how to get cheap liability insurance in the state of South Carolina?

I need cheap liability insurance in the state of south carolina for me (36 years old) and my 16 year old daughter. And Geico is not cheap! Any body have any suggestions?

Where can I find health insurance in alabama?

Where can I find health insurance in alabama?

How much do you personally pay for car insurance a month?

just wondering. thanks! :)

What should I do with car insurance?

Okay there was a massive understanding. My mum and dad were getting my quotes for cars and they got me a quote for a Mitsubishi Colt 1.1 Black Hawk. Nice little car. The quote they got was 750 for my own insurance PROVISIONALLY. I tried telling that them reason it was that much was because it was provisional insurance. Not till they gave me the money for the car and told me to buy, did they realise that insurance is different now and you have to re-new it to full UK manual as soon as you pass your test. I've been looking at quotes and they're looking well to expensive for my own insurance. Is there a cheaper way? Like going on my mum and dads insurance? They've both been driving for well over 20 years and have no claims at all since they've started driving?""

Whats the average cost for teenage car insurance?

im going to get my permit soon and i would like to know what the average teen car insurance cost is.

How much does car insurance cost for a 17 year old?

I'm currently 17 with and just got my license a couple of weeks ago, i was wondering how much does the insurance cost annually for a 17 year old like me? Thanks for your help!""

Insurance for mitsoubishi rvr import?

Am trying to find an insurance company who will give me a good insurance price on the above car.It is a 4 door,4x4,petrol automatic,1994 grey import.My present company charging the earth because they say it is group19 sports car.Is down on the reg document as an estate!""

Health Insurance?

I'm doing an assignment on health insurance and I wanted to know why is it a good thing to get health insurance? Thanks!!!

I need a cheap car insurance?

car insurance

Allstate Insurance? Pricing?

I have a question, If there's 2 people registered under one car, does Allstate bump up the insurance price? Thanks""

Cheapest Car Insurance For 18 yr old?

Trying to find CHEAP car insurance. I only need liability coverage, i own it out right. Anyone know any companies with good deals for 18 yr old drivers? thanks!""

Is this a proper plan for term insurance?

Just trying to see if I am able to understand and apply knowledge of insurance. Please give your opinion. Here is a hypothetical example: X(35yrs) and Y(30yrs) are married and employed and they got joint home loan for Rs 30 lakh. They will be in service till 60yrs of age. Their current annual incomes are about Rs 5 lakh and Rs 3.8 lakh respectively. X and Y are willing to buy term insurances with sum assured of Rs 50 lakh with 25yrs and 30yrs terms respectively. (First doubt, given their income level, are they eligible for such high sum assured?) They both want to get critical illness rider of same sum assured (Rs50 lakh) amount since critical illness is kind of death of earning capability. Also they want to take same accidental permanent disability benefit rider of same sum assured(Rs 50 lakh) for same reason. They also want to have separate mediclaims though that is different kind of insurance and we won't consider here. Do you think that they are on right track for planning term insurance with riders?""

""Visiting CA, do I need to get auto insurance?""

I have an IL driver's license but no auto insurance. I am planning to visit family in CA. Is it legal for me to drive my mom's car without having auto insurance? If not, where can I get short term (2-day) auto insurance?""

Whats the difference between molina & caresource health insurance?

Whats the difference between molina & caresource health insurance?

Car Insurance Help!? Will my rates go up?

Today when I got outta school, I was about to drive home and i found a huge dent on the passenger side door. So it was a hit and run I guess. Nobody left any note or anything. I drove the car home and called the cops to get a police report. the cop gave me a card with her name and the case number, but she said that if i file a claim with insurance, the company will either drop me or increase my rates. I'm a 17 year old boy and i live in maryland and im insured under geico. will my rates go up? Thanks""

Can you recommend any books for 15-yr old girl?

I've only read a few books. I don't really have a favorite genre, but I like the kind where it keeps you on edge, or its so good, you can't put it down. Books I read for school are boring, like To Kill A Mockingbird, there was another one where this family got insurance money and they were fighting over it. i really don't like those kind. So can you recommend anything that I would like? I'm trying to find a genre I like, but so far, no luck. I've read books like the da vinci code, stonehenge, american chillers(when i was in elementary school, now in high school), a child called it, night, and acceleration.""

Loveland Colorado Cheap car insurance quotes zip 80538

Loveland Colorado Cheap car insurance quotes zip 80538

How much should I expect to pay per month for auto insurance?

21 year old male with a new 2012 Jeep Grand Cherokee. I have been involved in one minor accident (my fault) and have one traffic ticket.

What is the cheapest way for me to pay for car insurance?

I'm 17 years old, and I recently passed my G2 exam...soo happy :) but now I dont have insurance to drive. So I asked my dad and he said I could get it, but I would have to pay myself. I totally understand that but I don't understand how the car insurance policy works. I took driver's ED with my school and I know that my insurance price is lowered because of that and I'm girl so my insurance would be less expensive than guys but I would like to know what the cheapest way for me to pay for insurance is.""

Is the cost of car insurance changed more by cost of the car or of the person driving it?

Is the cost of car insurance changed more by cost of the car or of the person driving it?

""What do i do first, title or insurance?""

so i figured out what insurance company i'm going to use, and my cousin is giving me her car. do i need to get the title of the car before i get insurance or do i have to get insurance first. i'm 17 by the way.""

""Motorcycle with no License, Insurance, or Registration. ?""

I have a coworker that rides his bike without insurance, a license, and a suspended registration. He's under the impression that, at worst, he'll only be fined. What are the possible consequences if he is stopped by a police officer in the State of California or Oregon?""

What is the average motorcycle insurance cost for an over 30s on a 125cc with cbt?

What is the average motorcycle insurance cost for an over 30s on a 125cc with cbt?

How much is a 2010 Jeep Sahara cost a month for insurance?

How much is a 2010 Jeep Sahara cost a month for insurance?

Hey how much will car insurance be when i start driving at 16?

ok heres the thing,ill be 16 years old when i get my dl,our insurance is mercury,and i am gonna drive a 1991 civic hatchback,or a 1992 integra any clues o how much per month""

""On a family plan (Car Insurance), Must all members covered live under the same address?""

My boyfriends dad is a penny pincher and has my boyfriend under the families car insurance to save money. I don't know if it is legal or not, but my boyfriend does not live with his parents (and the address on the insurance is his parents house). He is also is not insured on the car he is driving (his dad is, because he has points)... Will someone please say if this is allowed...so we can put this argument to rest!""

Can I get a car insurance in MA when I bought my car in Maryland?

Does the state limit? Do I have to buy a car insurance in the state where i bough my car?

What are rates for car insurance?

I'm trying to answer a question for drivers ed about car insurance. I'm supposed to answer what rates are for a first time driver (just getting their liscence), what rates would be for someone who hasnt taken driver's ed, what are the rates for a 25 year old, what are rates for a person without drivers ed, and what are rates for someone convicted of driving while intoxicated. its not in my book, so i dont know how to answer it, but im trying to answer the questions based on full coverage.""

Is my insurance rate going to go up? High Point Auto Insurance?

Long story short, I received a speeding ticket today. It will be a 2-point ticket. I called my insurance provider and they said yes, my insurance will go up but she couldn't tell me by how much. She also didn't sound like she knew what she was talking about. This is my first moving violation in 8 years, so I was wondering if anyone with High Point had any experience with this so I can weigh my options between pleading guilty and fighting the ticket for a dismissal. NYC is a non plea bargain jurisdiction so plea bargaining is not an option. I am not asking for exact answers, I am asking whether there has been anyone in my position, with a relatively clean record, has experienced an increase in their insurance rate, and if so, if it was a substantial increase.""

I have question about car insurance?

so i literally bought my car insurance 2 days ago and i just got into a accident .... i have full coverage and a guy ran his red light and hit me and just left... will my insurance company think that i was just telling a lie or will they help me...i have progressive...

""Male vasectomy requirements in california,and does cigna cover it?""

i want to get a vasectomy,made up my mind 100%,main reason is cuz i don't want to end up a financial slave to any women,and would relieve alot of stress from my life.i am 24,from california,never had any kids,can i just go up to the doctor and tell him that,or do i have to stretch the truth and make up a story like i have 2 kids somewhere in mexico or something like that?i make about $24,000 a year.i know they also charge for vasectomies based on your income.also does cigna insurance cover it?""

Where to a find good site Affordable Family Health Insurance?

Hello, please suggest me a website for affordable family health insurance.There are many sites that offer you discount, but i think most of them are scams.I need cheap price for my health insurance.Please let me know.""

16 yr old car insurance?

I'm about to turn 16, and about to get a car (Volvo cross country) I will have another 2 main drivers on the account. How much will it be in a roundabout? Also I will be 16^ I have a completely clean record C average And a male""

Car Insurance Question?

Im Getting My First Car In A Few Weeks and Im Wondering About Car Insurance Is $225.55 alot? How much would I Have To Pay A Month/ Every 6 Months Thanks :)

19 years old and cheapest insurance i've found is 4.5k WHATS GOING ON?

Right basically i'm 19, recently past my test tried looking at every single type of car there is even with pass plus discount and it's barely even gone below 6000 (4500 wasn't even what i found, it was my sister that probably got one of my details wrong) I've even tried having parents as named drivers and i cant think of anything else i've not already tried. Even friends i know have had it less than 2000 and at the moment i'll be happy to get below 3000 Pleaseee help!""

""For a 17 year old, How much about is car insurance (relatively) and which places are cheaper?

We were thinking State Farm or Country

Will Insurance goes up when I change my car motor?

i am trying to buy a car. but some cars are cheap when they changed out their motors. how much will the insurance go up if the motor is changed. and how much will the insurance go up if the car is modified?

Why buy life insurance?

I'm married, have 2 young children and wonder why I need life insurance""

""If your home is valued at 73,000, why would your insurance company raise the coverage to 101,000?""

If my house burns down, would they really pay out 100,000 or just the property value ?""

""In California, does my employer have to give health insurance if i am full time?""

In California, does my employer have to give health insurance if i am full time?""

Which company does the cheapest car insurance?

I have moved house and when I changed my address the Insurance company wanted an additional premium of 298. As you can imagine I cancelled the policy. I am now looking for a cheap insurer I have golf GTI (150) and my new post code is classed as higher risk. any ideas ?

Home and car insurance question?

I live in Michigan. Do we have to buy our car and home insurance locally, within this county? Or can we get it from any agent in the state?""

Loveland Colorado Cheap car insurance quotes zip 80538

Loveland Colorado Cheap car insurance quotes zip 80538

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/mills-new-mexico-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-zip-87730-louie-galindo/"

[thefarlefchronicles]

Farlef Chronicles Episode 4 - The Farlefhymenning

This chapter is dedicated to Spotify and its creation of the exclusive Farlef Chronicles Playlist.

https://open.spotify.com/user/227f24h5jhnr6y6v6zhnfudsy/playlist/22y0Yqx1Ruj22k9TdJItbF

Previously on The Farlef Chronicles, HOLY FUCK WHAT THE FUCK, FUCK ME SIDEWAYS HOLY SHIT FUCK BALLS FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK EVERYONE'S DEAD FUCK ME. FIRE.

Current - December 25, 2016 2:21 A.M. at Farlef and John's Apartment in Spokane         

      After riding all night along US-395 N southbound they finally made it to Spokane, the upper echelon of Deer Park,Washington. As Farlef, his wheelchair bound dad, his brother John and his brother's girlfriend Sarah rode in silence wondering what they just witnessed and why it happened, they were all waiting for Farlef's Dad to finally get out of his own personal flashback after he declared it all started in 1941. In his blank daze all they could do was now stare at their Christopher Reeve acting father and wonder what images danced in his head. It couldn't of been of sugar plums dancing in his head cause he called them the fruit of the faggot and banished him from his home every Christmas. No what was going on through Farlef's Dad's head was much more barbaric and erotic.

  As John was driving towards his apartment in his Bitchin Brubaker Box he decided to address everyone in the car.

  "Farlef, this seems like the type of shit you and dad deal with, I never in the past wanted to know what you two did, I figured I let Bigones be bygones

 but now that Sarah is involved I am too. Whatever you two need, you can count on me."  

     "John I really don't give a shit, don't involve me in this" Sarah declared as she wondered what was on tv to watch.

     Farlef was shocked that his brother was willing to join them in whatever came next. He had heard tales of John's time down in the Congo as a member of the Peace Corps and how it turned bad. No one heard from his group for 4 months then one day on a small raft made of human bodies, not corpses, actual living bodies sewed together to make a raft he reappeared. He said nothing of the experience and no one asked any questions.

    "Glad to count on you bro, I have no idea what is about to happen but if they willing to burn down our town, try to kill us and somehow involve Justine in all this it seems like a bigger conspiracy then either of us could of imagined."     

John pulled his Bitchin Brubaker Box into the parking lot that was outside his apartment.

       "When Dad wakes up from his stupor, our lives will probably change. Not for the better, its never for the better when he goes on his rants but either way we are in this together. Now get Dad off the roof and I will see you inside" John said as he ran inside to avoid the rain.

     As Farlef was dragging his father up the stairs the back of his wheelchair popped open revealing a  secret compartment in his wheelchair. The back had a false backing and inside was many moose tranquilizers, moose pheromones, a selfie with a bear and a scroll that was thousands of years old written in menstrual deer blood on human skin named  'Ponere cervis auritosque Mailman et nuntiavit autem custos arrhabonem'. As he tried to say the words a loud his father woke from his stupor 

     "THE STAG, THE MAILMAN AND THE KEEPER OF THE PAWN" Farlef's died cried out startling Farlef.

    "Dad are you ok, you been passed out for over 3 hours since we fled Deer Park" Farlef exclaimed.

      “What are you going on about, got too much gay in your ears, this entire time I was explaining the deep rooted history of the war with the moose, how it happened, why it happened, fuck don't you two cock mongrels listen to anything. Always on your fancy pocket porn doohickeys and jerking off to Asian Bestiality Necrophilia porn. Fucking weirdos, back in my day we sneak into the forest during mating season and watch bears fuck to get our jolly's off. Sure it was risky, a bear in heat will fuck anything. If I had known that once that bear penetrated me and snapped my spin in two that I would never walk again I would have had the decency to go to the Deer Park Sperm Bank and made a deposit and hope to one day spread my seed again in hopes of getting a masculine son that was straight cause at the moment I can't feel any pain except the pain of knowing my sons are homosexuals." He bellowed out as Farlef brought him into John's apartment while Sarah came out of their bathroom and went to the bedroom she and john shared heterosexually pretending she heard nothing as usual.        

      "Dad you literally were about to explain what happened, said it all started in 1941, then went into some weird coma so we tied you to the roof of John's bitchin Brubaker Box and got the fuck out of Dodge”

     "Why where we in Dodge? We were in Deer Park, our precious holy land, burned to the ground"

         "Getting out of Dodge is just an expression and it turns out Deer Park was not burned down. The Moose used CGI to fake everything except our house burning down, that was real. They are sophisticated mother fuckers"       "You mean my antique collection of pharaoh pubic hairs are gone. I don't have a reason to live" Exclaimed Farlef's father. 

  Unbeknownst to Farlef and his brother, while their father had his 47th life crisis, they where going through his things and found charts and maps explaining the centuries long feud between Deer and Moose.

 "I’ll be right back I need to Back the bus out of the garage " Farlef said.

   "What?" John replied.

   "I need to Balance The Budget"

    "?"

    "I need to bomb the porcelain sea"

   "Seriously what are you going on about"

" I need to chop some butt wood, go colon bowlin', Dispense some soft serve, Drop Anchor, Fertilize the Ferns, Give back that Corn, Got to put one on the Radar, Ignite a Rectal Rocket, Log into the toilet and make a huge download,  Pinch a Stink Pickle, Release the Chocolate Hostages, ya know Montezuma's Revenge"

  "Farlef I have no idea what the fuck your rambling about"”

   "I NEED TO SHIT JOHN, I WAS TRYING TO BE DISCRETE"

 "Oh why didn't you say something, you could of just said you needed to get a Stranglehold on a Darkie"

"Hot peppers have killed all that I love And what I loved was an asshole that didn't burn like the great fire of chicago" Farlef declared as he left the bathroom.

He felt like Johnny Cash cause his asshole was a Burning Ring of Fire. After thoroughly destroying yet another bathroom, a record 13 he walked into a sight he had no words to describe.

"I was gone for 15 minutes reading a nice article bout bay window decor in Good Housekeeping and this is what I return to. First off Dad, what in the fuck are you doing"

   "I AIN'T GOT A REASON TO LIVE BOY, I COULD ONLY DEAL WITH YOU NANCY BOYS WITH MY VINTAGE PHARAOH PUBIC HAIRS. PAPI MADE THE PAWN OF A LIFETIME FOR THEM. I GOT NOTHING" he yelled as he swung there, his neck too fat to choke himself.

And John, what the fuck is happening here"

    "ITS ALL CONNECTED FARLEF, IT ALL MAKES SENSE. DAD IS A RAVING HOMOPHOBIC, RACIST, PARAPLEGIC, CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING IN HIS LEGS BUT THE FEELING OF KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE TRIES EVEN THROWING HIMSELF DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS TO ELICIT A REACTION OF PAIN BUT THE ONLY PAIN HE FEELS IS KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL OF A MAN BUT HE IS RIGHT. ITS ALL ABOUT THE MOOSE. ONE SPECIFIC MOOSE, PEPE SILVIA" he exclaimed as he took another drag of his cigarette.

 "In the name of the Mailman, The Papi and the Holy Stag" Farlef prayed to himself. 

   His brother was right, so was his RAVING HOMOPHOBIC, RACIST, PARAPLEGIC, CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING IN HIS LEGS BUT THE FEELING OF KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE TRIES EVEN THROWING HIMSELF DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS TO ELICIT A REACTION OF PAIN BUT THE ONLY PAIN HE FEELS IS KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL OF A MAN SO HE STABS HIMSELF IN THE LEG WITH A KNIFE TO FEEL ANY PAIN BUT THE ONLY PAIN HE FEELS IS KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL NOW HE HAS A KNIFE STICKING OUT OF HIS LEG THAT HE DOESN'T FEEL ANY PAIN IN EXCEPT THE PAIN OF KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL SO HE TAKES ANOTHER KNIFE TO JIMMY THE FIRST KNIFE OUT OF HIS LEG BUT YET HE STILL FEELS NO PAIN EXCEPT THE PAIN OF KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL, NOW WITH TWO KNIVES STUCK IN HIS LEGS HE CAN'T FEEL father. The moose where behind everything. 

"Dad you need to tell us everything, how this began, why its happening, we need answers"

 "I TOLD YOU ON THE RIDE UP HERE, CLEAN YOUR EARS OUT AND STOP THINKING BOUT CHANNING TATUM FOR 2 GOD DAMNED MINUTES." He yelled still swaying from the ceiling. 

  As both brothers stood their in a daze thinking bout Channing Tatum and his luscious body, his father went on to tell the tale of the greatest story never told except when he is drinking and on the drive up and to a young girl the one year he played Santa Claus at Reindeer Festival in '98 where they sawed reindeer horns shorter so they looked like regular deer.

  "Do you unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit want to know the full story or just the cliff notes cause I don't got all fucking day. Now you slimy little communist shit twinkle toed cock-suckers cut me down, I gotta restock the pond with brown trout"   Not even 2 minutes after cutting their father down and watching him struggle to roll to the bathroom they heard a loud crash.

   “Fucking weak fucking ceiling can't even hold a fucking grown man's weight and his fucking wheelchair, good for nothing spic labor, Trump was right, build the fucking wall and make them pay for it. Sad part is they probably make it as shitty as your ceiling and first breeze rolls in the wetbacks would watch it fall over and then just get across" Farlef's dad muttered from the floor.

  "Ok queerbait and friend, story time, gather round the campfire" Farlef's dad said as he started a campfire in John's living room.

  "You want the whole story or the short version for your ADHD riddled minds" he asked.

"The beginning dad" they both said.

   "Ok I remember emerging from darkness, light blinding me. I was scared. I had emerged from nothing into this new world. A man in white was holding me and your grandmother and grandfather were there. I was naked and covered in blood"

"What the fuck you going on about" John yelled.

"You said from the beginning, I am starting with my birth, where was I? Ah yes I was crying for deer life, not knowing where I was or whence I came but every sight, sound, smell was new and exotic"

"Jesus fucking christ Dad tell us about the war, oh my God" Farlef said with disgust and mild intrigue.

"Fine for fucks sake, I asked if you wanted the long or short version ok, here we go……. We went on vacation to Moose Lake, Wisconsin, fucked shit up and now they hate us" Farlef's dad said as he took a puff of his deer shape pipe.

"OH MY GOD YOU HANDICAPPED OLD FUCK, ALL YOUR STORIES ARE LIKE THIS, EITHER WAY TO DETAILED OR YOU JUST MUTTER OFF A SENTENCE. FUCK. JUST TELL US THE STORY OF WHAT YOU DID AND WITH WHO TO PISS OFF THE MOOSE THAT AFTER ALL THESE YEARS THEY WANT YOU DEAD."

"Fine" he said as his eyes started glassing over, getting ready for another flashback.

    It was the summer of 1969. I was a young man, strong, smart, handsome, single with the legs of a Kenyan sprinter. Beautiful Adonis like legs, sculpted from marble. Hips that could crack a cinderblock between them and thighs that when they rubbed together started forest fires. If I wore shorts, panties hit the floor so hard it cracked concrete. My legs were so magnificent that it caused young men to hit puberty and women to ovulate. The population of Deer Park skyrocketed that summer when I came around.     

   Next was my brother from another Italian gangster mother, Sam. God Sam was a beautiful man. He was part James Dean, part Burt Reynolds and all sex. His nipples were the size of quarters, perfect. His ass was two handfuls of glory and his crotch was so astounding that he had to have custom cloths made to accommodate his Italian Stallion. I still remember when I could still walk we would go skinny dipping together and he would arise from the water, shinning in the moonlight, with a giant catfish on his crotch and he laugh it off saying he caught us dinner.

   Last but not least the third member of our rat pack, our Deer Drove. Papi. This is the sickest mother fucker I ever met. I met him one day while perusing a local mom and pop shop for some pop and a milkshake. As I was about to pay a brown hand stopped me. I was about to undo my pants and show him my legs, that usually did the trick when anyone fucked with me, but I looked into his eyes and saw myself. The past, present and future. I saw all possibilities and no possibilities. Time and space stood still in this man's eyes and I realized we were now imprinted for life. He then proceeded to throw a Molotov cocktail at the waitress and we fled with a free coke and a shake. We been best friends ever since.

The three of us where hanging out, getting ready for the Bi-Annual Running of the Farlef. It was a hot August 9th and it was an especially important year, it was the Bi-centennial of the founding of Deer Park. It was a momentous occasion, after Derby Deer Races, Deer BBQ, the tormenting of the Moose and the popular Running of the Farlef, the great Deer Shaman was going to come down from the mountains and bestow his wisdom on the town.

It was nighttime when the mighty shaman came and told his tale, the true meaning of Deer Park.

"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in moose blood, and dedicated to the proposition that all deer are created equal.Now we emerged victorious in a great civil war, testing whether that deer or moose are the horniest and so dedicated, can long endure. We met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their antlers so that Deer Park might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this and of course fuck with the shitty moose.    But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave Deer, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this Deer Park, under Farlef, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that Deer Park of the deer, by the deer, for the deer, shall not perish from the earth. Amen."

       Grown men brought to tears at the great Shaman's speech. Women were so distraught they could not be consoled. Sam, Papi and I though swelled with great pride listening to this one of a kind speech from the elder Deer Shaman. A great pride in being a Deer Parkian and an even greater pride in being heterosexual apex predators of the Cervinae Animal Kingdom. It was that majestic moonlit night we decided to take a pilgrimage of 1,383 miles to the town of Moose Lake, Missouri, bypassing 18 construction zones to do what our forefathers had done for a millennia, FUCK WITH MOOSEKIND.       

After 21 hours, 13 bathroom stops, 2 glory holes and pawn of a lifetime in North Dakota, we made it to Moose Lake. In our time in the car we thought up the most vile, fucked up things to do to this town.

 First we found the first Moose we could and dragged it into their lake and poured liquid nitrogen on it freezing it in place. 

Then we found another Moose in that same lake trying to swim away and we decided to surf him. 

Once we put back on our clothes and dried each other off it was time to raze some hell in the name of Deer Park in their town.

   Papi and Sam decided to fuck with the local economy by firebombing their local pawn shop and Post Office respectively. I decided to defile their prized moose statue in the middle of town.

  I think it was some of my best work yet. Once we finished razing the town we decided to pollute their great lake, not realizing what we were doing would upset the peace treaty between our great families. To fuck with each others town was one thing but in the holy treaty it is stated "The Park and The Lake are off limits." Our ancestors were men of few words.  Once we arrived back at the lake we unleashed our secret weapon. BEAVERS. Three thousand angry beavers. They ravaged the local fauna, cutting down every tree and making a giant dam ruining Moose Lake for years to come. 

  By Papi's best estimate, in 31 years, with their main water supply cut off from the river that feeds into Moosehead Lake, the town would wither and die. Papi was into the long con and it suited me and Sam just fine. Once we were finished we got the hell out of Moose Lake and returned to a simpler life.

  "Little did we know that by cutting off the supply to Moosehead lake we awoke their shaman, a mighty beast by the name of Pete Silvia. He was the one who once awoken, to gather his strength created the APSAA to take down Papi, he rose through the ranks of the Post Office to become Postmaster General and made Sam never able to retire, made his routes longer and switched his mail order bride with a moose spy that poisoned him once they realized old age wouldn't kill him. And of course you know what they did to me. They brainwashed my young son during a wrestling match and turned him gay. They where behind all of it boys. Tonight was their final assault, they want to end this once and for all. So now I ask, are you with me, ready to take up arms against these Moose Mother Fuckers, defend our town and our rights to arm bears and drive these fucks back to their shitty lake or will you turn your back on your heritage, your history, your own livelihoods and sit their on your asses browsing Deer Parkr for some Antler. SO WHO IS WITH ME" Farlef's dad let out with a mighty roar, showing signs of a young Buck in heat once again.     

   Farlef and John were too busy watching the latest episode of My Hero Academia to notice what their dad was rambling about. When he was about to tell his story of what happened his eyes fogged over and he went comatose again so they turned on the tv.

  "GOD DAMN CARTOON WATCHING FUCKBOIS, I JUST TOLD YOU THE STORIED HISTORY OF WHAT HAPPENED, WHY OUR HOME IS GONE, SAM OUR BELOVED MAILMAN IS DEAD AND PAPI HAS BEEN CAPTURED AND TORTURED FOR THESE PAST 7 YEARS AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS WATCH SOME FAIRY SHOW BOUT GOOKS WITH SUPERPOWERS?"     All Farlef heard was Papi was still alive. He owed everything to that man and no new episode of his favorite hit anime My Hero Academia or Boku no Hero Academia  ,for our Japanese readers out there, was going to stop him.

"Dad as usual I have no idea what is going on or what you just said but I am in" Farlef replied, steel determination in his eyes.

"I'm in too dad, I swore I would never raise a hand in violence again after my time in the Congo but this reckoning is a long time coming" John said.

"Get the fuck out" Sarah replied as she turned the tv volume louder.

"All boys, its us Evans men against the world. Just the way we like it"

As the three of them got into John's bitching Brubaker Box one thing was known for certain.

HOUSE EVANS WAS ON THE WARPATH.