#we can be sad all we want but that doesn’t mean this decision wasn’t a good one

[hyunjins-orange-slice-too]

Hi can I request first time with chan with shy reader? 🥺👉🏼👈🏼

i’ll help you through it, yeah?

pairing: chan x virgin reader

genre: smut, fluff, friends to lovers

word count: ~2.6k

warnings: mutual pining, pet names, protected sex, praise.

authors note: i have this request in my inbox for other members as well, so look out for those in the future. i have so many requests (tysm btw) so it’s taking me a little while to get through them. i’m trying to do the oldest ones first because y’all been waiting so long. - not me blushing while writing this. i wish my first time was this sweet. lol

masterlist

"i’m just sick of it, ya know?" you complained. "i’m sick of feeling like this. like im unwanted and missing out on something."

your best friend looked at you, intently listening, but worry starting to mar his features. "are people being mean to you because you’re a virgin?" you could sense the anger threatening to rise up out of him at the thought of someone being mean to you.

"no. this is just pressure i’m putting on myself at this point. im too old to still be a virgin."

"i don’t think that’s true." chris said. "i thought you were saving yourself for someone you really loved? wasn’t that the point?"

he was right, you had always said that since you and chris were kids. you didn’t want your first time to be some fleeting, gross experience. you wanted it to be sweet and full of love. but, it didn’t seem like that was working out and you were tired of waiting.

"yeah well i don’t think that’s going to happen." you said, your voice soft, almost sad. "the person i love doesn’t love me, so im just going to have to give up on that." you chuckled sadly, the sound almost a scoff.

"i understand that. im in the same situation." he confided. "but i haven’t given up. i don’t think you should either."

you looked over at him, the space between you both on the couch was small. you could feel the warmth radiating off of him. that’s just how chris is. he’s warm. he’s warm and he’s safe and.. how could you not be in love with him? your heart longed for him to be the one to take your virginity. your heart ached with the thought of it.

he looked back at you with his big brown eyes, his curly hair tickling his eyelashes. and he thought you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen. why couldn’t you just see how in love with you he is? he hated himself for not being able to confess to you. for not being able to just come clean and tell you how you are the center of his universe. but he was scared. to have you as his best friend and to long for you but never have you was better than telling you and losing you all together. but maybe.. he could try to help you with your current problem? see how things went and then he could decide from there what he would do.

"i could maybe.. help you." chris said shyly, rubbing his sweaty palms together in his lap.

you were shocked. "help me? with this?" why would he offer to help you unless he also wanted to? you felt a small bit of hope bloom in your chest.

"only if you want to." he said quickly. "i’m not trying to push myself on you. i’m just trying to help. we don’t have to."

you thought about it for a moment, your body screaming at you to say yes. but your mind was telling you everything that could go wrong. what if he hated it? found you gross and laughed at your inexperience? you brushed those thoughts off. you and chris has been friends for over fifteen years. he would never do something like that to you. he was kind.

"i would be okay with that.." you said. "but it might not be very good."

"i’ll help you through it, yeah?"

you loved him. god you loved him. this was the right decision,you knew that.

he scooted closer to you on the couch, your thighs pressed against each other. he touched your face, turning you to look at him. he looked in your eyes before saying "if you want to stop, just tell me,okay? i won’t be mad." you nodded as he looked down at your lips. and ever so slowly, not wanting to overwhelm you or scare you, he leaned it. his pillow soft lips made contact with yours and you were done for. he moved his lips against yours, his hand moving to cradle the back of your head. your hands found their way around his neck, tangling in his curls.

this felt so right, but your stomach churned with worry. your body was still tense.

"sweetheart, relax." he whispered against your lips. "you know me." he kissed you again, his tongue grazing your bottom lip. you felt embarrassed. kissing chris felt like the first time you had ever kissed anyone,even though that wasn’t the case.he had you so flustered, your lips weren’t listening to your brain’s commands. you opened your mouth and let his tongue in. he tasted sweet.

he pulled away, admiring your flushed cheeks. "do you want to move to your bedroom?" he asked. you nodded, and he stood, offering you his hand. he led you though your apartment and to your bedroom, knowing the way by heart. standing at the edge of your bed, he pulled you close. he kissed you again, his hands finding their way under your shirt, tickling the skin of your tummy.

"can we take this off?"

your hesitation made him pull away, studying your face for any signs of wanting to stop. "would it help if i took mine off first?" you nodded again, thankful for his suggestion. "you want to help me?"

you grabbed the hem of his black shirt and pulled it up and over his head, discarding it on the floor. you looked at him, at his body. you had seen him shirtless multiple times over the years. summers spent together swimming and early mornings at his apartment after late night study sessions, but this was different. his chest was bare because he wanted you to see it. and that made your skin hot.

"now you.." he said, reaching for your shirt slowly, giving you time to protest. but you didn’t. you let him pull your shirt off, leaving you standing in front of him in your jeans and lacy black bra. his eyes grew wide, his breath catching in his throat. could he do this? you were so beautiful and he hadn’t even seen all of you yet. you were starting to squirm under his stare. his hands were warm and soft as they grazed over your skin, his arms wrapping around your waist as he moved to kiss you again. his fingertips danced up your back, until they unclasped your bra and it fell to the floor. he continued kissing you, not looking at your bare chest right away, giving you time to get used to being bare in his presence. you nipples brushed against his chest, growing harder. arousal pooling between your legs as his kisses moved to your jaw and then your neck.

he took his time with you, slowly placing wet kisses on your skin as he guided you to the bed. he laid you down gently, his body hovering above you. he kissed down to your collarbones, across your chest and down to between your breasts. he looked up at you, his lips still pressed to your skin. your cheeks were red, your mouth slightly open as you tried to draw in breath. he saw no signs of stopping in your eyes. no , they begged him to continue. his lips closed around one of your nipples, his tongue gently caressing the nub. his hand gripped your waist as he sucked on your nipple, your hands balled into fists at your sides.

"you can touch me if you want to, baby." he said, his breath blowing cold against the wet skin of your breast. "don’t hold back."

he kissed his way across to your other nipple as you brought your hands to his hair. he started to move lower, until his lips were against your belly button, and even lower still until his tongue was running along the top of your jeans. "can i take these off?" he asked, fingers grazing over the button and zipper. with your approval, he carefully unbuttoned them and slid them down your legs, revealing your panties that matched your bra. he looked up at you, his face only inches from your center. "you’re so wet, baby." he said. "i can see a little wet patch on your panties."

your face flushed and you turned your head, hiding your embarrassment in your pillow.

"hey.. hey.." he said, his hand finding yours, tangling your fingers together. "don’t hide, baby. let me see your pretty face." you did your best to look at him, trying not to focus on your insecurities, but trying to focus on him instead. you squeezed his hand, his kind brown eyes showing nothing but love. he kissed your hip, and across your skin until he was placing a gentle kiss on your clothed clit. you jerked slightly. "is that the spot baby?" you nodded, biting your lip.

he pulled away, standing up. he chuckled at your pout, your little whines of protest. "just let me take these off." he unbuttoned his jeans, and kicked them to the side. he was only wearing his underwear now, his erection causing the material to stretch uncomfortably. he admired your body from this angle. your arms wrapped around your middle, your legs bending, trying to cover yourself. "don’t." he said, grabbing one of your wrists in each hand and holding your arms out. "let me look at you, baby. god, you are so beautiful."

his hands found their way back to your breasts,squeezing slightly before his fingertips grazed down your skin to the elastic of your panties. he hooked his fingers around them. "can i take these off? can i see your little pussy?" you lifted your hips in answer, helping him slide them off. you were completely naked in front of him now but you didn’t have time to be self conscious about it. his lips were already back on your skin,kissing everywhere he could reach. "fuck you’re so pretty." he mumbled against your tummy. "been dreaming about this."

what did he mean by that? you wondered.

"can i see you too?" you asked, your voice sounding so loud to your own ears, having been silent for so long. but you were starting to feel more comfortable. he made you feel so safe.

"of course you can." he said, straightening again to take his briefs off. and now you got to admire him for a moment. the hard muscles of his chest and abdomen leading down to his hard and leaking erection. the first thing you thought was that he was big. but honestly, you didn’t really have much to compare it to.. so what did you know? "don’t worry baby. we’ll go slow." he said, sensing your hesitation.

he leaned down to kiss your lips once again, his fingers making contact with your wetness. he rubbed soft circles on your clit. you grabbed onto his shoulders, your small whimpers falling into his mouth.

"does that feel good?" he asked.

"yes.." you breathed. "so good."

his fingers traveled down through your folds and teased your entrance. "i’ve got to prepare you a little bit, okay? like this.." and he slid one finger inside of you slowly, pumping in and out. you had done this to yourself before but this was completely different. you had never felt like this before. "there you go, baby." once he felt you had gotten used to the first finger, he added a second. he moved them in and out slowly, his thumb rubbing softly on your clit. you could feel your orgasm building. you were embarrassed by how quickly it had come. but you had been waiting so long for him to touch you like this, you couldn’t help it. he could feel you fluttering around his fingers. "are you going to cum?" he whispered against your neck, his lips pressing soft kisses, his teeth nibbling.

"yes.. yes fuck." you panted.

"go ahead, baby. let go."

and you did, you clamped down on his fingers, his name falling from your lips as your body shook.

he had been fantasizing about you moaning his name like that for so long now that it took everything in him not to bust right then. he took a deep breath, pulling his fingers out of you. you watched as he brought them to his mouth and licked them clean, your pussy dripping and pulsing, begging for more. he leaned over the side of the bed and fished a condom out of his pants pocket.

"are you ready?" he asked, holding the condom up.

"yes please." you said, breathless.

"ooh so polite." he teased, giggling as he tore the foil pack open. you watched as he pumped himself a few times, precum leaking from his swollen tip, before sliding the condom down his length. he leaned down and cupped your face, kissing you softly. "remember, we can stop at any time. just tell me. okay?"

"i don’t want to stop." you said, desperate. "please don’t stop."

he smiled. "i won’t unless you tell me to." he knelt in front of you, his hands on your knees, spreading your legs. he lined himself up with your entrance before slowly pushing the tip in. you gasped and his head fell back, his mouth open. he slowly inched his way inside, giving you time to adjust. you whined under him, your eyes squeezing shut at the stretch. "i know, baby. i know." he said. "you’re doing so good." once you felt his thighs on the back of yours, he stilled. letting you properly adjust to his size. he could feel you pulsing around him, his cock begging to cum. "i’m gonna move now, okay?"

you nodded frantically. "yes. yes please, please."

he slowly pulled out and pushed back in, his pace increasing with each thrust. he wasn’t going to last much longer. he knew that. "fuck— baby you feel so g—good." he stuttered. his hands were digging into your hips as he pumped into you. his mouth open, his eyebrows scrunched together, his hair sticking to his forehead. "are you doing okay?"

"fuck yes.." you gasped. "gonna— gonna cum."

he could feel you squeezing around him. he fell down on to his elbows, his arms caging your head, his panting breath in your ear. he continued pumping in and out of you, the wet sounds filling the room. "cum with m-me baby." he said. "fuck- fuck-"

you squeezed him tighter as your orgasm washed over you, you vision going dark. his thrusts got sloppy and then stopped all together as he spilled into the condom. he collapsed next to you, his panting matching your own. he lazily kissed your jaw and your shoulder. "i love you.." he said.

you froze.

"shit- sorry." he said. "i- i didn’t mean to ruin the moment.. it slipped out."

you turned to face him, his brown eyes looking worried. "i love you too.."

his hand caressed your cheek, his thumb rubbing softly back and forth. "really? you’re not just saying that because your overcome with emotion right now?"

you shook your head no. "i’ve been in love with you for a while now.." you confessed.

he chuckled. "i’ve been in love with you for a while. guess we were both too scared to say anything."

you nodded, feeling blissfully happy. you nuzzled into his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist.

"are you okay?" he asked. "was that.. okay?"

"i feel amazing." you said, your voice muffled by his chest. "i’m glad i waited for someone i truly love."

"gahh my heart." he said, squeezing you tighter,

[haleyincarnate]

How else do you fill a void other than with darkness? How do you bend into the light and not burn completely? How do you hold a heart and not feel it struggling to beat?

[fingertipsmp3]

Love that the second entry in my cry log for 2023 is going to be “experienced unexpected dentistry”

[moominsuki]

✎ᝰ BAKUGOU KATSUKI ; — 11:36 AM OR when you’re needy and he’s ready to help you. doesn’t mean he won’t have some of his own fun while doing it. (birthday special)

࿄ ! warnings - major nsfw. squirting. f!reader. kind of dubcon but not really. / note. hey… how y’all doing! i have no excuses this time lol. i also can’t promise i will be back! i couldn’t let this brew in my drafts forever, esp. on his birthday. but enjoy :} minors& blank blogs dni.

you: hey kats i miss you :(

you: katsuki? i need you

you sent those texts at around 11:36 am and it’s now almost an hour later, with katsuki being in a very important heroes’ meeting of some sort. now, katsuki never takes time or leave off of work only on the condition he’s practically spilling his guts onto the floor - and even so, he’d come in with his hands wrapped round his lower abdomen if he wasn’t chastised for showing up half dead.

this wasn’t out of the ordinary for you - you know, to text him all needy and sad. don’t get it all wrong, it makes katsuki’s heart clench to have to leave you to your lonesome when he’s busy and you’re not. he knows how you get when you get off your period and mixed when you’re also feeling poorly comes a combination of you feeling melancholic, sweet and also very needy. by the way, did he mention needy yet?

katsuki: what’s up with you? you ok?

his phone vibrates almost as fast as he tried to stuff it in his pocket and he inconspicuously looks down.

you: no… i need you :((

katsuki sighs looking at your texts, excusing himself from the meeting and giving what he’d consider sympathetic eyes to his friends before dialling up your number.

“you okay, princess?” katsuki frowns, “i know you ‘aven’t been feeling well these past few days but ‘m busy-”

“katsukiii,” you all but whine into the phone, mewling and he straightens up immediately at your voice, ears turning a cute shade of pink. oh. he knows this tone. he knows it all too well amongst the linen sheets of his bed.

“i know i shouldn’t be calling while you’re busy but, fuck, i need you, need you so much,” you gasp on the other side of the line, practically swimming in his bed, wearing only your cotton panties and a barely there tank top.

katsuki bites his fist, standing behind the conference room door, groaning quietly. “yeah?”

“mhmmm, i really do,” you simper, “you looked really good this morning an-and you smelt so good and… ‘m just really, really needy right now.”

katsuki should tell you to get a grip, dash some cold water on your face and put your fingers to good use but the way you’re moaning and whining across the phone is making all his blood cells rush from the rational parts of his body down to the irrational parts of his body.

“where r’you right now?”

“in your bed… just like how you left me,” you sigh, a pathetic and wanton lilt to your words. “all alone in this big and cold bed wishing my big, strong man would come home and give me what i deserve.”

your flushed face boyfriend all but snarls, teeth bared over the phone. “yeah? what d’you deserve, then, for interrupting me at work and and then begging me to come home and fuck you? cos that’s what you want, right? for me t’drop everythin’ and come running to you?”

“yup,” you hum, popping the ‘p’ and some rustling can be heard in the background. “well, ‘s your choice, really. i just… really need you, baby.”

you can hear katsuki’s deep breathing over the phone and you’re so certain you can hear the cogs in his skull turning, clicking as he mulls over this decision. he clears his throat, lamenting with a big sigh as if this is all one big inconvenience for him.

just at that moment, deku comes through the door.

“everything okay, kacch- dynamight? if you’re busy we can discuss this with you another time.”

“…‘m gonna have to head home for a little while… something’s come up. don’ wait up. i’ll be back as quick as i can.”

katsuki wants to bite you when he can make out the smile over your exhale through the receiver but you’re quick to hang up as deku reassures his friend in his naïveté, unknowing to the true purpose of his mid day return home.

when katsuki returns within 10 minutes since your call (usually it’s a 16 minute drive from the agency to home - pedal to the metal), you’re already on the couch, and your tank top does nothing to hide the hardness of your nipples and katsuki can see the shape of your cunt lips through your barely there panties.

no words are passed as you smile sweetly at your boyfriend, who kicks off his shoes and whose hands already at his belt as he stalks over to your seated body.

“how d’ya want it, huh?” you’re already moving back across the couch, legs spread.

“just fuck me please,” you whimper, “wan’ you to stretch me out with your cock.” you paw at his hips, at the waistline of his trousers that situate themselves in front of your face.

“you don’ want me to stretch you out first?” he muses, dropping down to his knees in front of your scantily clad pussy, thick fingers pressing on your covered clit and you hum, shaking your head.

“i can take it right now,” you gasp, and two fingers slip into your pants despite your protests at how you “don’t need to be prepped,” and that you “can take him right now.” alas, you shut up effective immediately when his fingers skim through your panties and straight to rubbing your hardened nub and you can’t find it in yourself to get annoyed when two digits slip inside you, curling up only for a mere second and jolting your body along with it.

katsuki pulls his dampened fingers out, effectively taking off your panties with him. “your decision. don’t get pissy with me later when it’s sore, because ‘m not gonna have it.”

you shake your head defiantly, utterances of “i won’t” and “just please fuck me,” meshing into a slurry of words.

he grabs your face to look at you. “you promise?”

you nod and he frowns, smushing your cheeks slightly. “you better speak up and fast, because i ain’t got all day, princess.”

“i promish! i promishh.” the words come out muffled against the grip of his hand. your boyfriend takes the answer anyhow, because he gets up from off his knees to impatiently throw off his blazer, then down his trousers and pants in one swoop.

there’s a smug look on your face and katsuki can tell you’re trying to hide a triumphant smile. he wants to wipe it off your face so badly.

“face down, ass up, pretty lady.”

you throw yourself around without a second to spare and katsuki stuffs a pillow under your hips, slapping your ass in the process. at any other time, you would’ve scolded him for leaving a print. instead you moan and arch your back, clenching cunt on display for his hungry eyes.

“fucking minx,” katsuki grumbles, settling behind you and letting the weight of his mostly hard cock tap against your pussy, delving between your puffy lips and rubbing against your hardened clit.

you try to be good, try not to say anything that might make him want to punish you but you’re growing restless at what feels like hours of torture (hours being mere seconds that is) and you sniffle out a weak “katsuki, please…”

his heart clenches at your tone and even when he’s trying to tease you, he can’t help but feed out the palm of your hand. he also can’t help that his dick pulsates in his grip at the pathetic tone of your voice.

“don’t rush me or i’ll leave you like this,” he grumbles, and you both know he wouldn’t dare, and you’re about to protest, turn your head to spit defiantly at him but it’s much too late for that. he sinks in, weighty and thick and it knocks the breath out of you. you practically face plant into the armrest of the couch and your teeth bites into the cashmere fabric.

there’s something about not being prepped before that makes this so much more intimate and sexy for the both of you, but the impending realisation that you will be sore tomorrow dawns on you as you feel the heft of his balls press on you. he’s right to the hilt and you’re full to the brim, gasping.

neither of you can get a word out edgeways or sideways - katsuki leans down to wrap a thick arm around your neck and though he can barely see your face, he can feel the salty tears dribbling down his forearm and he can most definitely hear the wordless cries coming from out your agape mouth.

“this is what you wanted,” he hisses, nose in your hair, his wide body trapping you to the couch, “don’t you fuckin’ complain later- fuckin’, shittt,” he groans, pulling back out slightly and getting sucked in by your silken walls. the living room has gotten 100 degrees hotter and he wants to blame you so badly, but you moan out his name wantonly, one hand around his own that’s slightly bruising against your neck and he’s putty.

“hurts so good,” you finally get out, toes curling when the tip of his cock hits against that honeyed spot. “jus’- jus’ like that,” you slur, legs shaking and thrashing when you feel katsuki’s hand slip between your bodies.

all he can focus on is how fast you got sloppy for him, the conjoining of your bodies, if only fleeting, is getting to him, if the clench of his balls has anything to say about it. his hand finds your throbbing pearl and a straying pointer fingers rubs on it firmly in broad, confident circles, and you choke, eyes crossing.

your body stiffens and you’re not even sure you’re speaking a coherent language at this point, but you garble out something along the lines of “i love you,” and “i can’t take it,” and a contradicting “like that, katsuki.”

behind you, he’s thrusting even harder and rubbing faster at your clit, pressing down with ferocity and you’re not even sure what you’re begging for anymore, the tension in your bladder rising. even in the midst of a second, impending orgasm do you turn and try to kiss him, which he gladly accepts, tongue delving into your mouth and he inevitably hunches, grunting and huffing, red faced and shooting ropes of thick cum inside of you.

that’s when your second one hits, and it’s even heavier than the last, sprays of liquid hitting your boyfriend’s lower abdomen and you squeal, hips gyrating and katsuki doesn’t slow until you’re basically limp, collapsed against the softness of his sofa.

he kisses your head, pulling out and you gasp at the exit. no words are shared as he brandishes a damp cloth from somewhere - he must’ve gotten up in your daze, you didn’t even know he had left from behind you at all, and it makes you sigh, cheeks resting against the armrest.

katsuki cleans you up in typical, sweetheart fashion, passing you a blanket and your clothes like he always does after a romp, and it’s only when he makes you sit up so you can eat a banana and drink a glass of cold, fresh water do you say something.

“so i take that you’re not going back into work?”

katsuki’s eyebrows shoot up into his hairline, and he looks away from you, pouting. you think he’s not going to say anything till he scoffs a short moment later, “…’s not like i had much to do today anyway… i’ll catch up with those idiots later.”

you don’t bite back your smile this time and he pulls you into his chest. “you better wipe that shit eating grin off ya face.”

“or what? you threatening me with a good time?” you giggle, wiggling your brows and he opens his mouth to bark back until you move your hips slightly and hiss.

“what was that?” he questions and you ignore him. he groans, swiping a hand across his face,“…y/n, i-”

“‘m not complaining!… but i would be lying if i said it’s not a little sore- hey!”

katsuki wraps you up in his arms, blanket strewn.

“what are you-”

“since ‘m taking the rest of the day off, might as well go clean up and have a bath… remind me to never listen to you again.”

“hey! it’s not my fault you’re such a brute,” you laugh as he kisses your face, walking up the stairs.

“not so hard!” you hiss in pain, “‘m sore!”

yeah. remind katsuki to never listen to you when you’re horny.

࿄ ! — all rights reserved © MOOMINSUKI 2024. please do not copy, translate, repost nor recommend my work outside of tumblr. this is strictly prohibited

[sofiawritesstuff]

Platonic

part 3

summary: When Lando's "playboy" image is setting a bad reputation for him. He's turns to the person he trust most in this world for help.

pairing: landonorris x bestfriend!reader

warnings: none (i don't think)

part 2

It wasn’t uncommon for you to be late to plans, actually you had gotten used to it spending most of your time with Lando.

You ran through the paddock, running past as much people as you could without being rude and within two minutes you had finally reached the meeting point.

Slowing down to a fast walk you came out onto the terrace in hospitality, noticing the girls straight away as they waved you over.

“Well we’ve only been waiting ten minutes, I think that’s a new record time” Kika jokes as you sit at the table “Sorry, I was watching Lando in media, he’s just finishing up in the garage now and then filming stuff with Oscar”

“How is Lando?” Carmen asks “I seen his interview after free practice this morning”

“I tried talking to him about it but he really didn’t want to. I’m going to try when we get home”

“It’s sad that he just sees all these negative this about himself” Alex smiles sympathetically across the table

“I know, every time I tell him he just doesn’t see what I see” you sigh, running your fingers through your hair

“What’s wrong?” Carmen asks “Nothing” you shake your head “We can tell by the look on your face something is wrong, come on tell us” she encourages, putting a hand on your shoulder

“If I tell you something, can you promise that it stays between us. Like you can’t tell Charles, George or Pierre” you whisper looking around you

“We promise, what’s going on?” Kika asks leaning closer

“A few days ago, Lando came to me. He told me that recently McLaren have been told that Lando’s image outside of Formula One makes the team look really bad, Zak said that he needs to fix his “playboy” image. So they wanted Lando to go into a PR relationship, Lando refused and Zak told him that he needs to for the team. Every single girl they showed Lando he said no. So Zak told him that if by a miracle, he can find someone that is willing to help Lando and be in a relationship for a few months then that’s who he can’t fake a relationship with”

“So Lando came to you” Alex nods understanding “You’re basically already dating, it shouldn’t be too hard” Kika jokes

“It wouldn’t be hard if I didn’t have actual feelings for Lando”

The girls look at you with wide eyes, they never thought they would see the day where you actually admit it.

“When did you come to this realisation?” Carmen asks

“You know how I used to date that guy from my office?”

“The one that none of us liked? Yeah I remember” Kika laughs

“Well after we broke up, Lando was comforting me, we were lying in his bed watching a movie. It wasn’t until I woke up in the middle of the night and we were cuddling that I realised how safe I felt when I was with him and everything he did to comfort me. David wouldn’t have known any of that stuff”

“You need to tell him” Kika says excitedly “I can’t”

“Why not?” Alex asks

“Because if I tell him now, it wouldn’t be fair. I’ve w him so many times and now to switch up my feelings would be like playing with his”

“Have you ever thought that maybe you have always felt this way but you’re just now realising it? I mean you guys have been friends since you were like five?” Carmen asks “You know how he feels about you, so why don’t you just tell him?”

“I can’t bring myself to do it, if it didn’t work out I can’t risk losing what i already have with Lando. He means too much to me to loose him”

“So you think being in a PR relationship will fix that?” Kika asks seriously

“It will be the closest thing that I get to a relationship with him, guys I need honest opinions on this”

“Well I think you’re being stupid” Kika says bluntly “Kika!” Carmen scoffs “What? Would you me be honest or would you rather I lie to you? she asks turning her attention to you

“Honest”

“Well it’s a stupid decision if you want to continue with a PR relationship. You think that admitting your feelings and being in an actual relationship would go wrong. Doing this only to have a feeling on what could be will only give you the chance to make up stuff that could go wrong, whereas if you were in an actual relationship with him you could progress rather than having a countdown to when it’s over”

“I agree with Kika” Alex smiles taking your hand “You are thinking that it could be the worst thing when it could be the best”

“Thank guys, now enough about me. What’s been happening with you guys?”

“So how was meeting up with the girls?” Lando asks with a smile, swinging your hands back and forth as you walked

“We talked. A lot” you nod “Anything interesting?” he pries “Just how we can resolve problems” you shrug

“Any problems I could help with?”

“Nothing that we both can’t resolve” you smiles “Now tell me what you film today” you jump up and down excitedly “Nope, nuh uh. You’ll need to find out like everyone else” he laughs stopping in his tracks

“Come on I hate when you do this” you groan turning to face him “Yeah well that’s why I do it” he smiles, putting his hands under your shirt “Your hands are cold”

“Exactly” he laughs, tickling you “No! No!” you squeal trying to run away “I don’t know where you’re trying running to, I have the keys to the apartment”

“Im going home to England!”

“No you’re not!” he laughs picking you up and throwing over his shoulder “You’re never leaving me” he says calming walking with you over his shoulder

“I wouldn’t dream of it”

part 4

TAGS

@harrysdimple05 @ironmaiden1313

[seiya234]

21 grams lighter

that website, amirite? anyway can't fucking believe alex did it again.

----

“Uncle Dipper, the school said you had to sign this?”

“Me specifically?”

Hank frowned. “Well, an adult in our house.”

“You’re the first one we found,” Willow added.

Dipper picked up the paper, skimming it quickly and. Oh.

Oh my god.

“Mabel are you in here?”

As the triplets wandered off, task done, a head covered in googly eyes popped out the kitchen door. “Mmmyes?”

Dipper brandished the papers. “Do you remember MADD?”

“Moms Are Down with Drugs? Yeah. We had to do those worksheets, and go to that rally in the gym, and there was a dog in a jacket.” Mabel paused. “Also, I don’t think they actually knew what it meant when you say you’re down with something.”

“Okay, so MADD… but for selling your soul.”

The googly eyes, with impeccable comedic timing, all fell off of Mabel’s face.

“No.”

“Oh my god, there’s a pamphlet.”

By now, Mabel had joined him at the table. “’Soul Selling: Not Even Once!’ Oh. Oh Dipper, this is bad.”

He was trying to hold in peals of laughter. “I know!”

“I don’t think this is going to discourage anyone.”

“I know.”

“And look, they basically give you the directions to summon five different demons in the name of Not Doing That, this is really, really bad.”

“I̶t̷'̴s̵ ̸f̸a̷n̶t̸a̴s̶t̷i̸c̵!̴”

Mabel looked at him, just looked at him for a minute, sadness welling deep in her eyes.

“No. No it’s really not.”

------

Trillions.

A number that is truly incomprehensible, much less in the context of time.

There were souls that rotted in that stomach longer than the oldest rocks of Earth.

--------

[from the M.A.D.D. Brochure, 2285]

“So remember kids, selling your soul doesn’t just effect you. It effects every version of you! It is an indelible mark that will linger for eternity, never changing, never going away. Paths, choices, loved ones, all will wither in the face of the horrible decision that you made! Eternity is forever, don’t make it your fault!”

[penciled in the margins, a note: “so we aren’t going to talk about social inequality or systemic racism then are we?”]

------------

(the most eternal, sacred part of a being)

Dipper had been a demon for all of a month, if that, when he was offered his first soul. For a while, he… didn’t really do anything with them.

When he did, it was of course super traumatic for everyone involved but eh, that kind of went with the territory of everything that was happening in his life lately.

Point being, he never was sure why Bill kept everyone trapped inside of him, constantly screaming, constantly playing beach tunes to drown them out. No, better to eat them, get the power, set them free.

Like, obviously, not great to be eating souls in the first place, and yeah, yeah, he could tell, even ten thousand (ten million) (ten billion) years later who he had crunch munched through, but like, they were able to be out there living their lives! Doing stuff. Cycling back through.

Honestly. What had Bill been planning to do with them?

--------

For the first week after it happened, animals ran away from Mabel.

Not just cats and dogs but all animals. Flocks of birds would fly off at her approach, deer would get near the Shack and then run off, and Gompers disappeared into the woods.

After the bear ran screaming from her, Mabel put two and two together, and called Dipper.

“Is this forever?”

Dipper frowned. “What do you mean?”

Mabel waved at her body. “This.”

(it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair she was only 16/18/22/17, she didn’t mean for this to happen, she only wanted to live, he only wanted her to live, this wasn’t f a i r )

“Oh. Uh. Um.”

“Dipper. Just. Tell. Me.”

“Hold on.” He reached into his stomach, and pulled out something…. Ineffable.

It felt like every single cell in Mabel’s body was reaching towards it, she found herself walking towards Dipper’s open hand.

The demon looked at her.

“You can have it back.”

She was crying. When did she start crying? And more worryingly, why did it feel like this was the first real, true thing she had felt in a week?

He pushed the Ineffable thing into her chest, and Mabel sank to the ground, sobbing. She felt whole again.

She didn’t realize that she hadn’t been whole, not truly, not until now.

Alcor smirked. “Consider it… out on lease. I’ll take it back eventually.”

She should have challenged him on that. Should have asked him about that. Should have done a million trillion other things.

But Mabel was human. And scared. And so, so very young.

---------

(you were birds)

A young man with fluffy brown hair, mixing his blood with his sister and his new brother-in-law, making a promise.

(you were trees with roots entangled)

They made a family together, it was a beautiful family, they let him stay, stay when anyone else would have told him to leave.

(wherever we go next, whatever you choose, I will always be right there with you)

They fit, like spoons in a drawer, like yin and yang, salt and pepper, ketchup and mustard, literally a million different pairings you could compare the two of them to. They weren’t perfect but love doesn’t need to be, and shouldn’t be perfect.

(that’s done buddy)

One grave

(congratulations)

Another grave, but eighty years later.

(you chose Alcor instead)

[peakyswritings]

My Father’s Daughter

Time to Say Goodbye

Arthur Shelby x Daughter!OC

Summary: sometimes the hardest decision is the better one.

Warnings: mentions of death, alcohol and drug addiction, rocky father-daughter relationship, tiny reference to sex, angst, season 6 spoilers, English is not my first language.

A/N: guess we’re starting from the ending! Each chapter will be a standalone. They will be linked, but they can be read separately. This is set in season 6.

Edit: putting this here cause I think I haven’t been as clear as I wanted to, since it created a bit of confusion🙈 This is the end of Rosalind’s story - or at least, of her story within the family. I wanted to try something different than what I usually do and start from the ending. In the next chapters I’m going back to 1919 and from them on I’ll explore how things turned out the way they turned out.

MEET ROSALIND

SERIES MOODBOARD

In the dim light of a room she knew all to well by now, Rosalind looked for her undergarments among the mess of clothes lying on the floor. The sun was about to set, and she needed to leave before it got too dark. These days, the streets of Birmingham weren’t safe even for a Shelby.

She slid into her slip, the cool material bringing some relief to her skin, still warm from the activities that had been going on up until a few minutes before. Although she didn’t want to admit it, she would’ve liked to stay a while. He would’ve liked it too. But it would just mean to pointlessly carry over something that was bound to happen all the same. She had never been one for cuddling, anyway. Running a hand through her ruffled red locks, she glanced at her… whatever Isiah Jesus was to her.

He was still lying in bed, a cigarette lazily hanging from his lips. He kept his gaze on her, watching her every movement. “So you’re leaving.”

“Yes.”

“Does your father know?”

“Not yet.”

A sigh escaped her lips as she zipped up her dress. She had to tell him, she knew she did. As tempting as the prospect of just leaving without telling anyone else was. “I’ll tell him tonight.”

“Y’know where he is?” he inquired. Isiah was no stranger to Arthur Shelby’s habits, and the course they had taken of late. One could never tell whether he’d go back home or spend his night in the Chinese shop whose business was thanks to the generous amount of money he spent in it.

“Drunk, somewhere,” she shrugged. “Maybe high. Maybe both.”

She wasn’t worried. She knew her father would show up, eventually. He always did. He needed someone to take care of him when he was too wasted to even stand. She couldn’t be that someone anymore. And it wasn’t like he deserved it. She loved him, of course she did, despite everything. But love was not enough.

“I can’t convince you to stay, can I?”

Isiah’s question hung in the air for a while, then, just like it came, it faded away. He knew the answer, she didn’t need to say it. It was more like himself talking to himself. There was a glimpse in his dark eyes, one of sadness, perhaps. Sadness, and something else Rosalind refused to see. That look could’ve almost compelled her to stay, had things been different.

“What will I do without you, eh?” He let out a chuckle, a poor attempt to lighten the atmosphere. “You’ve been pestering me since you came around.”

“Well it’s time you got yourself a woman. Start a family,” she teased him, sitting on the bed to put on her shoes.

He laughed, shaking his head. The only woman I’d start a family with doesn’t want to hear any of that, he thought to himself. But he didn’t say it. Cause he couldn’t.

Rosalind would’ve missed him too, there was no point in lying to herself. But there was no point in dwelling over what could’ve been either. It was time for her to turn page, to leave that life behind. Was she running away? Yes, she had no intention of hiding it from herself. Maybe if she ran fast enough she could escape the old curse. Polly had said it once. It’s in us. In our blood. We need to move, or it catches up with us.

Maybe it would catch up with her anyway.

Her gaze rested on Isiah one last time. She wondered if she’d forget about his face, overtime. If it would deform and fade until it became an indistinct blur and she could no longer picture it in her mind, like it had happened with her mother. She leaned in to press a kiss on his lips. It was chaste, tender, so different from the ones they had shared until then. She wanted to imprint the feeling of his soft lips against hers. That was the one thing she didn’t want to forget.

“Goodbye, Isiah.”

The sound of Rosalind’s heels on the cobblestones resounded in the empty street, breaking the uncanny stillness. Wrapping herself tighter in her expensive coat, she watched are her breath came out in little white clouds in the chilly air, illuminated by the street lamps. Small Heath was so different from the way it used to be years ago. There used to be workers in every corner, striking iron, shovelling coal, lighting fires. Now it was dead silent.

The gun she always carried with her granted her a faint feeling of safety. There had been a time when she was untouchable. When she would walk down the street knowing no one would dare look at her twice, let alone hurt her. Then Aunt Polly was killed, and all of her certainties came tumbling down. If Elizabeth Gray could be taken out, there was no hope for any of them.

When she walked through the front door of her house, she was hit by the reek of booze and smoke. Her father was there. He was sitting at the head of the table, with rumpled clothes, disheveled hair, and an empty look in his eyes. He didn’t say a word. She wondered if he had noticed her stuff was missing, or if he was too stoned to pay attention to anything. She took a seat in front of him, trying to figure out whether he was lucid enough to have that conversation. Or any conversation.

“I’m leaving.”

A heavy silence hung in the air. He didn’t look surprised. In fact, there was almost no emotion on his face. He looked like a dead man forced to stand by some invisible string, like a puppet in a theatre. It wasn’t the first time she got the impression that all the shit he took - the booze, the cocaine, the opium - had drained all the life out of him, leaving just the shell of the man he once was.

For the first time since she had entered the house, he raised his gaze on her. The gaze she met every time she looked in the mirror. That was the one thing she could never escape from.

“Leaving where?”

“America. New York.”

“To do what?”

“I’ll figure it out,” her voice faltered. All the firmness she had armed herself with was threatening to slip away. Her father’s stare was hard, unflinching. She didn’t let it intimidate her. “In truth, I asked uncle Tommy if he needed help with anything, in New York. He said I should talk to you first.”

As if her father was in the conditions of having that conversation.

A silent question arose in his face, but he didn’t say anything. She didn’t give him the chance to. “Then I changed my mind. Whatever I’ll do, I’ll do it on my own.”

Her father nodded to himself, leaning back in his chair and folding his hands in his lap. “So ye’re walking out on us. On your old man. On your family.”

That attempt to instil a sense of guilt sent a wave of burning rage through Rosalind’s spine. She didn’t give in to it, though. She didn’t raise her voice. She didn’t snap. She limited herself to raise her eyebrows and and let out a scoff. “What family?” she asked dryly.

Her father shifted uncomfortably in his chair, lowering his gaze, his own facade crumbling.

She could’ve stopped there. She could’ve spared him the pain. But she didn’t. “Aunt Polly’s dead. Uncle John’s dead. Esme and her kids have vanished into thin air. Michael’s in America, and he hasn’t been a part of this family since he’s been sent away. Uncle Tommy’s not himself anymore. Aunt Ada’s raising two fatherless children. God knows what Finn’s up to. And you…” she paused, grimacing. “You’re a mess.”

A pained expression crossed her father’s face. Her words were more venomous than poison. She knew she was hurting him. Part of her felt bad for that, but the other part wanted to make him feel a tiny part of the pain that had been inflicted upon her since the day she was born. That was the one thing she’d always carry with her.

“Linda left you because you fucked up. I didn’t like her, you know it. But she took care of you, and you fucked up. She left, and even that didn’t change you.”

She didn’t blame Linda for leaving. She had a long list of things to resent her for, but leaving with Billy was not one of them. She couldn’t take care of him anymore. And now Rosalind knew how Linda felt. Everyday she was waiting for the news that her father had been found dead in an alley, with a syringe in his arm. Or killed in one of the fights he engaged in, chasing the thrill of his long gone backstreet days. She had prepared herself to hear something like that a long time ago. She had come to terms with the fact that he was beyond saving.

Her father loosened the collar of his shirt as if he was choking on the truth his daughter was dumping on him. A glimpse of guilt shone in his eyes, and yet, no apology left his lips. “Walking out on yer old man,” he repeated in muffled words.

“You walked out on me first.”

None of them said another word. Not Arthur, who was still digesting what his daughter had said to him, nor Rosalind, who hadn’t meant for their confrontation to take that turn. But too many things had been left unspoken for too long. And Arthur Shelby, despite his efforts to be better, had not managed to escape the curse that had been passed on to him by his father, and by his father before him. His inability to apologise was the proof.

With nothing left to say or do, Rosalind walked out that house she couldn’t call home, and closed the door behind her.

That was the last conversation she ever had with her father.

My Father’s Daughter taglist: @strayrockette @justrainandcoffee

General taglist:

@iamngoclinh08 @lilywinchesterlove @fandom-puff @capitanostella @caelys

@lucillethings @peakyxtommy @queenofkings1212 @lyarr24 @kmc1989

@call-sign-shark @ce1iat @red-riding-wood @optimisticsandwichgladiator

[estrellami-1]

If I Should Stay

I’m not gonna lie… if there was a part to leave as my last one for a month… I’d choose this one. I hope y'all like it as much as I do! ❤️

Part 1 | . . . | Part 40 | Part 41 | Part 42

El watches the proceedings with wide eyes, and grips onto Steve’s hand the moment he’s close enough. “It’s time,” she says. She might be asking; she’s not quite sure.

Steve’s face falls. “Almost,” he agrees, pulling her into a hug. She goes gladly, tucking her face into his neck. “I think we’ve got one more day,” he murmurs, not letting go. “Are you up for some training today?”

She pulls back to look him in the eye. It’s the easiest way for her to make sure he’s telling the truth. “I will be stronger?”

“That’s the goal,” Steve nods. “I don’t know if it’ll work.”

El thinks about it, then nods. “I want to try.”

“M’kay. Have you eaten recently? Alli made some pretty great mac and cheese we can heat up, if you want it.”

El had mac and cheese before. It was cold, because she had to wait for Mike to bring it to her in the basement. The noodles were rubbery and the cheese didn’t taste good. She scrunches her nose, but Steve doesn’t look like he’s lying, so she relaxes her face and nods. “That would be good,” she tells him.

He smiles and ruffles the little bit of hair she has. “‘Course, El. I’m gonna heat this up, and while you eat, we can talk, okay?”

“Okay,” she answers, and watches as he puts some of the pasta into a bowl and sticks it into the microwave.

As it’s heating up, Steve turns to Eddie and Wayne. “Eddie, think you can bring him up to speed? We’ll be in the dining room if you have any questions.”

Eddie nods and waves his uncle out of the kitchen in the direction of the living room, already speaking faster than Eleven had thought possible.

When they’re both sitting at the table, her with a steaming bowl in front of her and a fork in hand, Steve starts talking. “First things first,” he says softly. “Eleven. That’s not your name; it was a number assigned to you.”

She perks up. “You know my name?”

Steve nods. “Jane.”

“Jane,” she tries out, then nods decisively. She likes it.

“So eleven. The number. That means there were at least ten others. We know Vecna, Henry Creel, is One. That leaves nine more.”

El shakes her head. She knows this. “They all died.”

Steve gives her a sad sort of smile. “Not all of them. You meet your sister, Kali. She’s number eight. She can make you believe you’re seeing something that isn’t there. She’s very powerful, and she taught you how she got that powerful.” He puts his fingertips together with his palms apart. It looks like a spider on a mirror, and El gets sidetracked for a moment by the image.

“What do you know about fairy tales?” Steve asks, and El blinks and chews the bite she’d just put in her mouth.

“They’re fake,” she eventually says. “Stories about things that never happened, that can’t ever happen.”

Steve smiles at her. “Yes, but there’s still lessons to be learned from them. Can I tell you my favorite version of a fairy tale called Sleeping Beauty?”

El perks up again. “I know that one! A witch curses the princess so she falls asleep forever until her true love finds her and kisses her.”

Steve nods. “That’s the most popular version,” he agrees, lips tilted up. “But that’s not my favorite.”

She tilts her head. “What is your favorite?”

He grins at her. “Once upon a time there was a princess. She was cursed, you got that right, but it wasn’t by a witch. It was by a fairy who hadn’t been invited to her first birthday, which is a very big deal when you’re a princess. So the fairy curses her to fall asleep—her and the rest of the kingdom—when she pricks her finger on a spinning wheel when she turns eighteen. Everything goes exactly as the fairy had said, and eighteen years after she casts the spell, the princess—Aurora—falls asleep, only to be woken by true love’s kiss. The fairy came to check on Aurora and found her sleeping, just as she’d planned. But something unexpected happened: the fairy felt compassion for her. She took to sitting by her bedside every day, waiting for the princess’s true love to appear. Finally one day she goes to leave and presses a kiss to Aurora’s forehead. Can you guess when happened?”

El frowns. “She woke up?”

“Exactly,” Steve nods. “She woke up because the fairy loved her. True love can come from anywhere. It doesn’t have to be romantic.” He takes one of El’s hands in his own and looks into her eyes. “Kali taught you to use your anger to get stronger. I want you to try to use love. It’s the one thing Henry Creel doesn’t have.”

El thinks about it. “I don’t have to kiss anyone.”

Steve chuckles. “No, you don’t have to kiss anyone. But you know me, right? You know Mike and Will and Dustin and Lucas. And you know Robin, Eddie, Nancy, and Jonathan, now, right?”

“Right,” El nods.

“And do you love any of us? Do you want us to stay safe?”

El thinks carefully about the question, then nods. “Like the fairy.”

Steve’s eyes crinkle as he grins at El. “Just like the fairy.”

Permanent Taglist: @justforthedead89 @ilovecupcakesandtea @madigoround @bookbinderbitch @suddenlyinlove @nburkhardt @artiststarme @paintsplatteredandimperfect @i-less-than-three-you @alyelf @quarble @messrs-weasley @littlewildflowerkitten @vankaar @starman-jpg @bornonthesavage @steddie-there @goodolefashionedloverboi @andienotannie @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @platinum-sunset @just-ladyme @steddiestains @swimmingbirdrunningrock @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @martinskis-lydias @notaqueenakhaleesi @sleepyboosstuff @bestwifehaver @m-owo-n @thatonebadideapanda @finalmoondragon @velocitytimes2 @callmeanythjing @ajeff855 @ilikeititspretty @knitsforthetrail @sillysparrow @that-one-corvid @ace-is-bored @muricel @harpymoth @weirdandabsurd42

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[wikiangela]

tease tidbit tuesday

tagged by @diazsdimples @tizniz @daffi-990 @disasterbuckdiaz 💖

a little more of the cheating fic and finally an eddie and buck scene lol I feel like I haven't posted them together in this fic in a while haha but I just finished chapter 3 last night (so about halfway done, maybe even more!), and I think I'm mostly happy with it, so here's a lil snippet

prev snippet

___

“Chris has been asking about you.” Eddie says, and out of all things, somehow this is not what Buck expected him to say. “You haven’t come over in a while.”

“I-” Buck pauses, forcing himself not to say the first thing at the tip of his tongue, which is something along the lines of ‘oh, so we’re talking again?’, but he doesn’t want to ruin it, not when Eddie’s actually talking to him after way too long. And it’s not like it wasn’t Buck’s fault he stopped. “I didn’t think you’d want me to.” he says instead, quietly and shyly.

“Buck.” Eddie sighs heavily, reaching into his locker for his jacket, still not looking at Buck. “No matter what happened, or is or isn’t gonna happen, you’ll always be our family, you’ll always be important to us, and you’ll always be welcome in our house. Always.” he emphasizes, glances at Buck with those sad eyes, then looks away again. “I don’t wanna ruin that.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t, either. You and Chris are so important to me, Eddie, you have no idea-” he rushes to say, but cuts himself off before he says something he doesn’t mean. Or worse, something he does mean, but can’t take back. “And I- I’m so, so so sorry for risking it all-”

“It wasn’t just you.” Eddie shakes his head, puts his jacket on. Then, finally turns and looks Buck in the eye. “We both made some pretty stupid, shitty decisions, and I’m sorry, too. That wasn’t how this should’ve happened. If at all.” he adds quickly, blushing. Shit. Eddie wanted that, he still does, and he- what if he loves Buck? What if Buck’s being a dumbass and refusing what could be the best thing in his life? “Listen,” Eddie says after a second, with a heavy sigh, “take all the time you need to figure shit out, but just tell me whenever you decide what you want, like I said. I’ll always be here, Buck. And I’ll always-” he stops, shakes his head again. “But now, can we just…?” he trails off, waving his hand between them, gesturing vaguely. Buck chuckles, always understanding Eddie even without words.

“Yeah, we can.” he can’t help a relieved sigh. It’s all getting back on track.

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @thebravebitch @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @watchyourbuck @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @wildlife4life @diazpatcher @lover-of-mine @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @puppyboybuckley @weewootruck @loveyouanyway @spagheddiediaz @rainbow-nerdss @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @spotsandsocks @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @hoodie-buck @nmcggg @rogerzsteven @hippolotamus @giddyupbuck @sunshinediaz @honestlydarkprincess @underwater-ninja-13 @exhuastedpigeon @fortheloveofbuddie @911-on-abc @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @theotherbuckley @buddieswhvre @dangerpronebuddie

[serenefreakgeekao3]

I have one!!!

Jim Halpert x gn!reader with fluff prompt

“Sad…I have a blanket with all this room and no one to share it with.”

With that episode ‘After Hours’ (yes I looked it up 🥲) where Jim is trying to get Cathy out of his hotel room so Dwight helps, but then Jim gets stuck with Dwight. So R comes to Jims rescue and offers him to stay with them in their room.

Summary: Jim is sent on a business meeting along with a few other prospective candidates for Vice President. When everything begins to spiral out of control, Jim doesn’t know who to turn to next //AU where Jim and Pam never got together, Pam went through with her marriage and the two children she has are with Roy, Pam is a sales associate, and Reader is the receptionist / being used as Nellie’s personal assistant Warnings: Use of Y/N, switching POV (between reader and Jim), use of the word ‘whxre’ (not at anyone), Author's Note: I’ll be completely honest my friend, I’ve completely forgotten who Cathy is! If she worked as the receptionist for Dunder Mifflin Scranton, then no she didn’t! In fact she’s not from Scranton at all cause reader doesn’t know her so how about that, there we go. Did I go back and rewatch the episode you mentioned? Yes. did i hate myself for it? Maybe a little bit. But it was during work so what else was i supposed to be doing? Work? Nah (ok look i wrote literal notes for this fic like it was a damn english project in school ok pls love this for me) Also on a side note, there needs to be more fics of Jim Halper x Reader ok I am literally dying without them. picture im like a dehydrated person in the desert just dragging my body around ok I need more fics

Arriving at the hotel in Tallahassee should’ve been a lot smoother than it turned out to be. They were all told that Dunder Mifflin had it ‘handled,’ which should’ve been your first clue. What really tipped you off was the number of rooms available.

“What do you mean? There should be one extra-”

“That’s all the rooms we have on record, sorry.”

“No,” You sighed, rubbing your face with your hands, “No, I know. It’s not your fault at all. Just- do you have any extra available rooms? I’ll pay for it out of my own pocket.” It’s not as if you were being paid millions to be a receptionist at Dunder Mifflin, but you’d rather not have to ask to bunk with anyone. Everyone here were adults, and half of them seemed dead set on performing some sort of sexual act for the evening.

You had driven over with Nellie after she insisted you both carpool to cut costs. Then you had to suffer an entire car ride about how pent up she was, how she just wanted to get laid and she wasn’t above using her decision on who will be the new VP to get herself into bed. You tuned out before she could start listing names since there was nothing in the world you wanted to know less than what kind of guy Nellie was into.

“I’m sorry, it looks like we don’t have any extra rooms available.”

You were about to speak when you were bumped into, turning around to see the large crowd of Dunder Mifflin employees lining up behind you. You start handing out the proper keys to their proper rooms, having Dwight snatch his key cards out of your hand before immediately pouncing on Nellie. You were extremely thankful when Jim finally squeezed his way to the front. You hand over the card you labelled with his name, then sighed, looking back to the woman behind the counter.

“It does seem like there are a few rooms that have been reserved but haven’t been checked into yet. Their estimated check-in times are varied, so if you wait here there is a possibility that I could get a room for you at some point tonight.”

“I would really appreciate that, thank you,” You mumble over to her, then lean closer to Jim when he starts insistently tapping your shoulder.

“Can you be my new Tallahassee buddy? Stanley keeps going on and on about how we’re both bachelors and I’m pretty sure he’s wanting to get laid tonight. And I’m so not about to be around all of that anymore.” You chuckle at the similarities, shaking your head.

“That’s horrible. It’s like there’s something in the air here. Nellie was saying the same stuff during the car ride!” It was hard to talk with the loud crowd, but you weren’t complaining about how close Jim was standing next to you. “Unfortunately, I won’t be much of a buddy today. I would, but the company messed up, they didn’t reserve enough rooms!”

“They didn’t mess up!” You jump at the foreign voice, spinning around to see Nellie sliding up close to you, practically hanging on your shoulder. She already had Dwight and Packer trailing her closely from behind. “I told them the correct number of rooms, I swear it!”

“There’s not one for me-”

“Yeah, because I told them you didn’t need one!” You furrow your brows in confusion, watching her for a moment. “I figured you’d bunk with me! We’d be bunk buddies!”

“Nellie,” You hesitate, eyeing the men behind her before leaning forward, “There is absolutely no way in hell I’m sharing a room with you, considering what you talked about on the way up here.” Nellie stood there for a moment, obviously confused before suddenly jumping and spinning around to see the men trailing her. She laughs loudly, winking at them before turning back to you.

“Oh! Good idea!”

You watch Nellie just say this, then turn and leave. You sigh again, shaking your head and turning toward Jim. “If things can get settled in time I’d love to, Jim, but I-”

“Sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear,” A woman sidled up close, brushing herself against Jim’s arm. You watched the man jump, then turn and furrow his brow at this woman.

“Cathy?”

“Yes! It’s so good to see you, Jim! If you need a new Tallahassee buddy, I am willing and available.” You choked on your spit at the innuendo, watching her practically rub herself again Jim. You watched him try to take a step back, then bump into the counter behind him. You could feel something burning your chest at the way she was acting toward him. Much too forward, in your opinion, though maybe that’s what Jim likes? Should you do that, would that gain his attention?

“Oh, well, that sounds fun-”

“Great! So we can-”

“Hello?” You turn quickly at the receptionist’s insistence, raising your eyebrows toward her in a gesture that you were listening. At this she smiles back, looking back to her computer. “So the first one that may be available should be checking in within the hour. If by the top of the hour they don’t get here, I can make a phone call for you.”

“Oh, thank you so much. Really, I appreciate it.”

“Of course!”

You turn back to Jim, watching the woman walk away with a sway to her hips. You chuckle, shaking your head. “So you know her?”

“Oh, she works with the company.” He tears his eyes away from her, smiling down at you once more. “She’s willing to sit with me so I don’t have to deal with Stanley all weekend.”

“Oh good!”

“Of course, unless you would like to sit with me?” Jim smiles, and you could tell he was trying to charm his way into the seat next to you. If only he knew you would do anything for him.

“If I’m there in time, definitely. But this whole hotel business is turning into a real-” You’re interrupted by a phone call, cursing quietly and smiling apologetically to Jim. “I’m so sorry- I’ll just be a second,” You answer the phone, stepping aside to deal with some business for Nellie. You miss Jim giving you a longing stare before he finally turns around and begins making his way toward the bar.

  Jim felt lonely. He was almost excited to go on this trip, to get away from Scranton and all of the normalcy and monotonous days and maybe even spend some time with you outside of work for once. Or, as outside of work as he could get. But instead, he was sitting at the bar while nursing a drink and wishing you weren’t busy. Your hotel room hullaballoo lasted throughout the entirety of the company meeting, Nellie having complained that she had to take her own notes, and they still haven’t found a spare room for you.

Jim even offered to bunk with you, but then you had mentioned that there was only one bed in every room that was given out, and you had asked with raised eyebrows whether he was fine with sharing a bed with you. Jim- who obviously was more than okay with sharing a bed with you- had stuttered and mumbled and eventually the consensus landed in the field of no, you wouldn’t end up rooming with him. Nor did you have time to be his Tallahassee buddy. Which was extremely unfortunate, since the majority of the reason he had been excited about this trip was you.

Jim jumped at a weird noise, glancing over to see Packer blowing onto Nellie’s face with Dwight making what was probably supposed to be seagull calls into her ear. Sighing, he finished the rest of the drink he was nursing and mumbled something to himself before getting up and heading for his room. Maybe the sooner they’re back in Scranton, the sooner he’ll be able to talk to you again at the receptionist desk like normal. That would be 100% better than anything that was going on in this hotel at the moment.

When he got to his room he had turned on the tv, flipping idly through until he landed on the channel showing an NBA game. He leans back, watching for a little while. He’s not really sure what else to do, he didn’t exactly plan anything aside from ‘See what Y/N is doing and follow them around while they do it’ except you had said waiting in the lobby of the hotel room was extremely boring and you wouldn’t want to put him through that. He had acquiesced- for some reason- and had wandered back to the bar. Thinking back on it now, if you were bored down there then the best thing he could do would be to sit with you and entertain you. How had that thought only just crossed his head?

He was reaching for the remote to turn the tv off when he heard a knock at the door. Redirecting his attention, he left the remote for a moment and went to go see who could possibly be visiting him.

“Hey!” Jim’s brows furrowed seeing Cathy standing there in front of him. “The heating in my room is going a bit wonky, do you think I could hang out here while they fix it?” Without waiting for an answer, Cathy pushes past Jim and into his room.

“O-okay,” Jim drags out the word, closing the door slowly and hesitantly following Cathy into his room.

“What do you have on? Some kind of game?” She jumps onto his bed, scooting near the middle with her back against the bedframe. Jim hesitates, nodding toward the tv.

“Yeah, y’know. The NBA.”

“O-oh, sounds fun,” She sings back, patting the spot beside her. Jim slowly lowers himself onto the corner of the bed, then lets himself continue sliding until he’s sitting on the floor in front of the tv.

“Yeah. Fun.”

“So how’s the night going? Retiring early already?” Jim felt a tap on his shoulder and glanced up to see Cathy laying on her stomach, her head at the foot of the bed and close to Jim. He clears his throat, subtly trying to scoot away. “Didn’t know you were such an old man, Halpert!”

“Yeah, well. You know me. Old man Halpert.”

“Maybe we could stay up a little longer together? Have a little fun?”

Jim jumps up, taking a few steps back from the bed with a stutter. “Oh, you know, actually I was planning on heading down to the lobby-”

“I can come?” She asks, pushing herself up to sit on her legs.

“No, I just meant-”

Another knock on the door interrupts him, and thanking god under his breath he practically ran to the door. “Stanley! You do not know how glad I am to see you!”

“Mmhmm,” Stanley hums, pushing past Jim and walking into his room.

“You should stay! We’re watching the NBA, it’ll be like a party!”

“I’m just here ‘cause I ran out of refreshments in my room.” Stanley straightens up, carrying every single little bottle of alcohol that the hotel provided Jim’s room. Jim watched him look directly at Cathy, then back at Jim with raised eyebrows. Stanley immediately begins his exit, calling out behind him, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

Jim glanced back toward Cathy on his bed, who only taps the bed beside her in an indication to sit down. Jim takes a big sigh, looking back to the tv immediately. He wanders over slowly, taking his position back on the floor.

“Oh! I wonder if you have-” Jim doesn’t hear the rest of it, glancing over to see what Cathy was doing only to be met with her rear-end as she completely bends over at the waist, digging through Jim’s closet. He turns his eyes to the ceiling of the hotel room. What was he supposed to do? Just kick her out? Why was he such a nice person that he didn’t want to hurt her feelings about all of this?

After some time, and Cathy making herself comfortable on Jim’s bed once more, Jim begins to stand and attempt his well-thought-out exit strategy once more.

“Actually, Cathy, I think I’m going to head down to the lobby-”

“Why?” Cathy stood on her knees on the bed, walking over toward the edge and placing a hand flirtatiously on his chest. “Is something the matter with your room?”

“Well- uh, no-”

“Then everything’s good! Come, sit with me!” Cathy jumps back once more, throwing the covers back and settling back in her spot, patting the open area next to her. Jim chokes for a moment, unsure what to do before pulling out his cell phone, and holding a finger up toward Cathy as if asking her to wait.

His plan to call Dwight into action, claiming he had seen a bed bug, hadn’t really worked out exactly as planned. If the plan had been for both Cathy and Dwight to be naked in his hotel room, then it actually went exactly as planned.

Jim was stepping outside of his room for a breather when he finally spotted you. He let out a long sigh, a fond smile lighting up his face without his permission. He wasn’t too worried about it anyway when a matching smile appeared on your face. You were standing near some person who looked to be wearing a hotel uniform, and he jogged over as the person entered the hotel room. “Hey! Did they get you situated finally?”

“Not completely sure?” You hesitated, shrugging at him. “They said they’ve been having some sort of appliance malfunctions on this floor so they need to make sure the room is okay for me to stay in. I asked to tag along, just in case.”

“Well, I hope it works out! Then you’ll be just down the hall from me!”

“Yeah! You could have a visitor for once!” You tease unknowingly, giggling. Jim’s face crashes though, and as he raises a hand to rub his face you begin to grow concerned. “Is everything alright?”

“Well if you count having a naked Dwight in my bed as alright-”

He’s cut off by your laughter, though you’re clearly trying to hold it back. You raised a hand to cover your mouth, and Jim can’t help but smile seeing you act so cute. You finally speak through your laughter, trying to hold yourself together. “Oh, well congratulations I guess? I gotta say, I didn’t see that coming. You and Dwight-”

“No, no, no,” Jim interrupts, laughing himself and shaking his head. You finally dissolve into laughter, and Jim lets the moment last a bit longer before finally explaining. “No, Cathy came into my room.”

“Cathy came by, and now you have a Dwight naked in your bed?” You seemed curious but confused, and Jim could feel his nose scrunch in adoration for you.

“Well, Cathy is naked in my shower so-”

“Oh!” You interrupt, and he could see your cheeks lighting up red. “Oh, I didn’t realize. You two-”

“No!” Jim calls out, probably a bit too loud and too quickly. He clears his throat, leaning closer to you and slumping his shoulders. “No, I mean, she obviously wants to. She told me her room was having heating problems and then has done everything in her power to flirt with me since pushing herself into my room. I’ve tried everything to be polite, I really don’t know what else to do.”

“And,” You begin, narrowing your eyes at him, “I’m still failing to see how a naked Dwight comes into play.” He laughs, then watches as your smile widens as he does.

“Well I kept trying to tell her I needed to leave, but she kept insisting I stayed. Then Stanley came by and stole my alcohol, and he was absolutely no help at all. So I called Dwight. Told him I saw a bed bug in my bed. He came through tearing my room apart, and Cathy said she was going to go take a shower in my room?” He rubs a hand across his face, shrugging. “Everything kinda devolved from there. He started stripping, saying he needed all the skin access he can have, that his body heat was going to attract the bed bugs to his body.”

“The bugs that- aren’t there?” You question, raising an eyebrow. He nods along and you laugh, shaking your head. You’re both quiet for a moment before you take a step toward him. Jim could feel his heart rate beginning to spike at your closeness. “But, help me out here. All this just because what? You don’t want to have sex with her?” Jim watched some sort of emotion cross over your face, though it was brief enough that he couldn’t quite catch it. “I mean, she seems like a good person?”

“She’s not the one I want though,” Jim mumbles, staring into your eyes. ‘Woah there, Jimboy,’ He thinks to himself, taking a deep breath to calm himself but only inhaling more of your scent, setting butterflies fluttering in his stomach. “I- I just mean, well. I like someone. And it’s not her.”

You were just opening your mouth to say something- ‘Anything, say anything,’ Jim pleaded in his head- when you were interrupted before you could even start.

“I tried my best, but I couldn’t get it to work. I don’t think this room is hospitable. I’m sorry.” You had turned around, taking a step away from Jim. He could finally breathe normally now, though he would still much rather be in your orbit than face the possibility of going back to his room to deal with things.

“Oh, that’s alright. I guess I can go see Tara back at check-in and see if she has anything else.” The disappointment in your voice had Jim’s chest clenching, and he reached forward to take your hand before you could walk away.

“My offer is still open, you know.” You laugh at him, shaking your head and pulling your hand away gently.

“What, stay with you and your two naked roommates?” Jim could feel his face begin to blush, and you shook your head once more. “Go have fun, Jim.” You walk away with an audible sigh, and Jim knew he would have done anything to make you happy again.

  ‘Go have fun, Jim,’ You mock back at yourself, shaking your head. ‘Yes, just tell your crush to go have sex with someone ‘willing and available,’ that’s the exact thing you need to be doing.’ You were currently sitting on the uncomfortable furniture in the check-in waiting area, balancing your briefcase on your knees and hoping desperately that everyone in Scranton that wanted your attention via phone had finally gone to bed. You hadn’t received a ‘super important’ not-so-important phone call for the last thirty minutes, so your hopes were beginning to look up.

“Excuse me, Y/L/N?”

“Yes?” You stumble as you stand, fumbling with your briefcase before finally catching it and dropping your phone. Thankfully, Tara waits patiently for you to pick up your phone as well before you rush over to her desk. She had been so helpful, and it had only taken you an hour of being in her company before remembering it was polite to ask about names.

“I’ve just got off the phone with-” She hesitates, glancing at her computer and scanning it before huffing and turning her attention back to you, “Well, doesn’t matter. They aren’t showing up, they told me as much. So we finally have a room available to you! I sent Max back up to check the room again, but if I remember correctly then this isn’t one of the ones having problems!”

“Oh, Tara, thank you so much!” You lean across the counter, and thankfully Tara meets you halfway for an awkward hug. She giggles as she backs away, leaning over and placing a card key on the counter.

“And it’s on the house, darling.”

“What? No, I couldn’t do that to you, Tara!”

“Look, with the whole misunderstanding, and then you having to stand here for hours and just wait around while that cute guy kept coming back trying to get your attention-”

“Wait, who, Jim?” You ask breathlessly, sliding the card into your hand. You laugh, though Tara seems unconvinced. “Oh, no, we’re just friends. It’s nothing like all that-”

“Sure, darling. Just take the room.”

“Thank you again!”

You back up, turning to quickly run into the room and almost knock directly into the camera guy that seems to have taken the position of following you around constantly. You sigh, nodding at the guy behind the camera before taking off quickly.

Your room was in the same hallway as Jim’s, and you weren’t sure yet whether you were going to curse the fact or thank Tara with an entire fruit basket. You were about to find out, though, now that you’d set your briefcase down and had taken a cursory look through the room. Making sure to have your card key on you, you exit the room at the end of the hallway and begin what felt like a walk of doom to where you knew Jim was staying- the room he had exited earlier in the night when you had almost been given a room and he had seen you.

As you were getting closer, you started hearing some kind of commotion. It sounded like muffled yells- then extremely loud screams as Jim’s door is flung open. A woman- Cathy- comes running out with a bedsheet held around her body, screaming and waving her free arm around her head as she pushes past you and runs down the hall. You hesitate, then take a few steps closer, just in time to hear Dwight’s mumbled voice.

“It’s not safe in here, Jim. I think you should room with Cathy for the night.”

You knock on the open door, peaking your head in to see Dwight with a facemask and large rubber gloves, holding two different spray bottles with some weird coloured liquids inside. Dwight was practically in Jim’s face, though at your knock they both turn to look at you. Dwight with exasperation, and Jim with nothing but relief.

“Y/N! Yes, please, save me from this nightmare.” He rushes toward you, taking one of your hands with both of his and practically drowning you with puppy dog eyes. You take in a quick breath before Dwight begins to crowd the both of you.

“No! Nope! No more bodies need to be added to the situation, go flirt outside.” Dwight slams the door closed behind the two of you, and you couldn’t help the small laugh that bubbles up.

“So, naked Cathy and Dwight turn into-”

“Naked Cathy running away clutching a bedsheet and a fully decked-out Dwight spraying my room with mysterious chemicals? I guess so.” You both laugh and you could feel your cheeks heating up at Jim’s attention. “But, seems like I just lost my room.”

“Oh, what a shame,” You mumble, waiting for him to look back into your eyes before your smile grows wider. “So sad… I have a blanket with all this room and no one to share it with.”

Jim’s face lights up and he starts looking up and down the hallway as if your room number would just jump out in front of him. “Wait you finally got a room? That’s amazing, Y/N!”

“We finally got a room,” You insist, then hesitate as he locks eyes with you again, “I mean, if you’re still-”

“Yes!” Jim jumps in, grinning. “I would love to. Should’ve said that to begin with.” You both laugh, and you lead him down the hall to your room. Once inside, Jim begins to take a look around while you grab the remote, pushing yourself onto your bed and settling your back against the bedframe. As you turn on the tv, you start flipping through the channels.

“Shouldn’t you go back and rescue your stuff from Dwight’s wrath?”

“I think I’ll give it a night to air out,” Jim mumbles, settling himself slowly at the head of your bed, scooting in to sit next to you. You settle your channel-flipping on some sort of basketball game. You didn’t know much about it yourself, but nothing else seemed interesting and you knew Jim liked the game.

“So,” You begin, turning your position to face Jim fully. “Tell me all about what happened.” He laughs in response, raising a hand to rub the back of his head.

“Oh, well. I basically told you everything already. After you left I went back to my room and Cathy had apparently decided not to put on any clothes and just jumped under the covers on my bed like she owned the place. I got really sick of all of her flirting, so I tried telling her straight to her face, ��Cathy, I’m sorry but I’m not interested.’”

“Really? Appropriate, given the circumstances.”

“Yeah, I thought so too. She just looked at me like I was crazy and asked if that’s what I thought of her. If I thought she was a whore.” You gasped at the name and Jim nodded, turning to look at you more directly as well. “Of course, I said no. Then she just said ‘Okay good, that’s settled,’ and then continued to flirt with me!”

“No!” You gasped, laughing again. “You did everything including telling her you weren’t interested and she still kept pressing on!”

“Yeah! So I called Dwight back. He came running in with those spray bottles and she tried insisting she didn’t see anything, but when Dwight asked ‘Where’s the bug?’ I didn’t even think about it, I just pointed straight at her.” You widened your eyes, unconsciously scooting closer. You watched Jim track your movement, his grin widening. “She screamed when he started spraying her and jumped off the bed and I thought to myself, ‘Well she got that far, I wonder if she’ll go all the way?’ So then Dwight asked if I saw it and I kept pointing at the sheet she was clutching around herself and-”

“That’s why she ran screaming from your room!” You blurt out, placing your hand on his arm, and then you both begin laughing. “That’s horrible!”

“I know! How could Dwight do something like that!” You laugh harder, shaking your head. After you both manage to calm down, another thought strikes your mind.

“So,” You begin, biting your lip and unsure how to phrase this. “You kept saying that you were sending signals that you obviously didn’t want to do anything with her, right?” You look up toward him, watching his eyes track your lips, realising you're biting them again.

“Uh- well, yeah. Yeah, I did that. It was like she was blind or something.” Jim mumbled, the tips of his cheeks were turning pink and it looked way too nice on him. “Or just, y’know, deliberately ignoring them.”

“What were they?” You ask- mumble, more than anything. Jim hesitates for a second, tilting his head.

“What?”

“What were the signs?” You could see the moment it registers what you’re asking in his eyes when they slightly widen.

“Oh, well. When she originally came in, she jumped on my bed and patted the spot next to her. I ended up sitting on the very corner of it,” He turned to point at the corner of your own bed as if you needed an explanation, then turned back toward you. “But even that felt a bit too much like giving in so I just ended up sort of sliding onto the floor. The entire time she was there I was either standing or sitting on the floor at the end of the bed watching tv.”

“Oh,” You whisper, trying to keep a smile tampered down at the fact that Jim had unflinchingly sat right next to you at the head of the bed. “Well, what else?”

“She tried to bend over directly in front of me.”

“No,” You gasp, laughing again. You hear Jim chuckle a bit before he continues.

“Yeah. I just looked up the whole time, I didn’t want to disrespect her or anything. Then there were the innuendos.”

“O-oh,” You drew out, smirking at him. “Saying innuendos to one Jim Halpert. I’m surprised you could resist her.” He’s quiet after, staring into your eyes. You begin to worry you said the wrong thing before he finally speaks up, his voice sounding a little rough.

“Yeah, maybe if it wasn’t her saying them.” You bite your lip, watching him momentarily before looking away and pretending to watch basketball.

“So what kinds of things did she say then?” As you finally glance back Jim just shrugs, looking quickly at the tv. Was he trying to pretend he wasn’t staring at you? Had he been staring at you? You bite your lip once again, thinking hard. “Ohh, I’m just so cold.” You tried to push your voice into a sultry tone and felt satisfied when Jim turned suddenly, his eyes wide and cheeks red.

“What?”

“That was one of the things she tried, right?” You asked, indicating what you had meant by saying that. You could feel Jim slowly relaxing against you and- wait, against you? When had the two of you got so close that your arms were resting against each other? Your faces were even closer than you remembered and you were beginning to get lost in his eyes.

“Y/N?” You blink a few times, realizing you had zoned out for a moment. If he had answered you, you had definitely missed it.

“Yeah?” You couldn’t help how breathless your voice sounded, and you could only hope that Jim wouldn’t realize why and then leave.

“Are you cold?” His voice was low and rough again and distracted you from the words he said for a few beats too long. Even after, his words had your brain scrambling to a halt, and you could feel your mouth opening and closing- gaping like a fish. How attractive. And yet, through all this Jim maintained how close he was to you. How he was slightly hunching over, his face closer to yours than it maybe should’ve been.

“I- yes,” You answer, nodding your head slowly, in obvious disbelief. “Yes, I’m cold.”

“Would you like help to warm up?” Jim was already shifting slowly, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you in closer to him.

“Yes, I- I would,” You stutter out, pushing yourself slowly down to lay your head on his chest. Once the both of you were settled, you were essentially laying together on your hotel bed and were cuddling. You were laying on Jim, you could feel his chest rising and falling with breath, and you had your arms wrapped around him to hold him close and he was letting you.

Maybe this trip didn’t turn out so bad after all.

[narumi-gens]

Between Dreams and Reality

Gojo Satoru x gn!Reader

summary: The space between dreams and reality is a curse. Loving Gojo Satoru makes it the greatest curse of all.

warnings: minors/ageless/blank blogs dni, massive jjk manga spoilers, chapter 236 spoilers, angst with no happy ending, sad times guys, established relationship, gojo being his usual obnoxious self and making everything about him

notes: I'm just working through jjk 236 like the rest of you! also the title comes from something kenjaku says in the manga and it was used in the vol. 23 promo video and I loved it so much that I've been wanting to work into something so here we are.

words: 2.5k

“Hey, remember that fight we had?” Gojo asks from behind you in bed. The question pulls you from the edge of sleep, but just barely.

“Be more specific,” you grumble, too tired to even snort in response. All you can do is nuzzle further into your pillow. 

“It was about you getting remarried,” he says.

“That was a tantrum, not a fight,” you correct. “And I told you not to say re-married. We’re not married now.”

Even with your eyes closed and your back turned to him, you can feel how amused he is by your response. 

“I was kind of a dick about it, wasn’t I?” he reflects aloud into the darkness of your shared bedroom.

It’s such an unexpected moment of introspection from him — a man who doesn’t seem to know what introspection is — that even in your drowsy state, you let out a small laugh.

“When aren’t you?” you ask him through a yawn and he lets out an offended noise that tugs the corners of your lips into a sleepy smile. 

“Well, sorry I was such an asshole,” he sighs, a faint note of uncharacteristic sincerity coloring his words.

“Gojo Satoru apologizing? I must be dreaming…” you mumble.

“Oh, my aunt’s getting remarried,” you say as you read through the series of messages that your mother sent you. 

“Didn’t your uncle just die?” Gojo kindly asks. Thankfully, you’re more than used to his inability to display any form of tact.

“Well, it’s been a year. But everyone heals differently. I guess when the time is right, the time is right,” you muse. You glance over at him where he sits next to you on the couch and are surprised by the thoughtful look on his annoyingly handsome face.

You turn back to your phone, where your mother seems to be having a very similar reaction to Gojo based on her messages — especially the ones that say, “It’s too soon!”, of which there are many. 

You’ve never been all that close with your mother’s side of the family so your aunt’s decision to remarry isn’t something you have a strong opinion on one way or the other. If she’s found someone else, you wish her the best.

“How long would you wait to get remarried if I died?” Gojo suddenly asks and you scoff without looking up at him.

“To get remarried, I’d have to have been married previously, Mr. Marriage-Is-Just-A-Construct.” The words would probably sound harsh if they were coming from someone else. You speak them dryly and with clear disinterest.

“Fine. How long would you wait to get married to someone else if I died?” he rephrases his original question and you shrug, your attention focused on trying to calm your mother down.

“I don’t know. Two years?” 

“Two?!” he screeches so loudly that you flinch away from him on the couch and slap a hand over your ear. He sits up and turns to face you fully, even going so far as to slide his glasses down his nose so that he can focus the full weight of his Six Eyes on you. “That’s not even enough time for my body to get cold!”

“Can you calm down? It’s just a hypothetical,” you tell him with a roll of your eyes. You reach a hand out to push his glasses back up only for him to bat it away before you can even come into contact with his Infinity. 

“Two years!” he repeats in outrage. “There should be at least five- no, ten years of solid mourning. And I mean the whole thing. You better only dress in black and I expect weekly visits to my grave with flowers and incense. And make sure you put my portrait in the butsudan—”

“We don’t have a butsudan now,” you cut him off to point out, gesturing a wild hand out towards the rest of your shrine-free apartment. “I’m not gonna go out and buy one just because you were stupid enough to get yourself killed.”

“And definitely no dating!” he shouts over you before he brings a thoughtful finger to his chin. “In fact, you should just be like one of those widows who throw themselves on their husband’s funeral pyre. Yeah, that’d work.”

He nods to himself, seemingly satisfied with his proposed solution. 

“We’re not married, so I wouldn’t be a widow and you’re not getting a funeral pyre. This is the 21st century. Your body’s getting shipped off to a crematorium,” you tell him dryly. “They’ll cook you up. We’ll do a little bit of grieving and say a prayer or something. Then we’ll pick your bones, put everything in the urn, and be done in time for lunch.”

He slouches forward and props up his elbow on his knee so that he can rest his chin in his palm with a pout, doing everything that he can with his posture to convey his unhappiness.

“Who’s we? You and your new boyfriend?” he asks and you would liken him to a sulking teenager who didn’t get their way, but that would be an insult to the students at Jujutsu High. 

“No, me and my new husband,” you smirk and he gasps as he turns back towards you, horror coloring his features.

“This is my death! Take it seriously!” he cries.

“Satoru, you’re not dying anytime soon. Why does it matter?” you reply, your tone short as your irritation finally begins to start peeking through.

“It matters because I want to know that you’re not gonna be off fucking some other guy a week after I die,” he mutters, leaning back into the couch and crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I’m not gonna be fucking some other guy,” you snap and now it’s your turn to lean forward in your seat, your elbows on your knees as you tiredly rub your face with your hands. 

“You will two years after I die,” he huffs and you groan at his petty response.

“Can you shut up about ‘two years’ already? It was just a number I threw out. I didn’t put a lot of thought into it,” you explain, hoping that he’ll drop the topic despite knowing that Gojo has never been one to let anything go. 

There’s a slow creeping weariness that you can feel settling into your bones. It’s one that you usually only feel after a bad mission, not when arguing with Gojo. Feeling it in such a domestic setting is putting you on edge.

“Why not? This is my death we’re talking about!” he presses and you feel your self-control crack.

“Exactly! I don’t want to think about it!” you shout back. 

You’re not sure if it’s because of how loud your voice suddenly is or the admission altogether, but it seems to stun him into silence. You immediately find yourself regretting your words, hating how exposed they’ve left you. 

The last thing you want is to see the look on his face and so you bury your face further into your hands. You can feel his gaze on you and even if he didn’t have the Six Eyes, you think it would burn just as hot. 

“I don’t want to think about you dying,” you mumble, unable to stop yourself from continuing. “So can we please just drop it already?”

There’s a heavy silence that hangs over the two of you. Eventually, it breaks when Gojo lets out a soft sigh. You feel the couch cushions shifting as he leans forward and tosses an arm over your shoulders. He then drops his chin to rest on top of your head as he holds you close.

“Don’t worry. I’m the strongest,” he says, his tone light as he tries to reassure you. It’s only because you know him so well that you can tell how forced his nonchalance is. “No matter what, I’ll win.”

You find yourself wrapping his words around you, clutching onto them tightly like a safety blanket that refuse to let go of.

“Isn’t your aunt’s boyfriend like half her age?” he suddenly asks, switching the topic altogether and you lean further into his side in silent gratitude. 

“More than half. He’s younger than us,” you reply with a quiet snort, finally dropping your hands from your face.

“Hm, well good for her.”

He doesn’t respond to your taunt, and you think the universe is finally showing you mercy and allowing you to fall back asleep. But then he gives an exaggerated sigh, pulling your waning attention back to him without even needing to say a word — an art that he’s perfected over the years that you’ve been together.

“I guess you don’t need to spend ten years mourning me,” he says and you groan, wanting nothing more than for this conversation to be over and for him to just let you sleep like mere mortals do. “I mean, mourn me a little at least. But ten years is asking a lot, isn’t it?”

“Satoru…” you warn. It would probably sound more threatening if you hadn’t yawned halfway through saying it.

“But, just wait a while before you start dating again, alright? Even in the afterlife, I don’t know if my ego could take it if you moved onto someone new too quickly,” he jokes, but beneath the self-deprecating humor, there’s a strange vulnerability that finally has you opening your eyes.

And you immediately wish you hadn’t because doing so shatters the strange, liminal space that comes with not being fully asleep and not fully awake. Your mind is still drowsy and it takes a minute to realize that something is wrong. All that you’re aware of is that you’re now soberingly conscious. 

When reality manages to catch up with you, your world comes crashing down around you in sharp, jagged pieces. Because where only a moment ago, you could feel Gojo’s warmth behind you in bed, hear his voice in your ears, feel his presence in your life, all that’s left now is an aching void. 

You’re overcome with the urge to look over your shoulder, despite knowing that you’ll find nothing when you do so. And that’s what keeps you lying still, staring straight ahead into the dark. 

This is your own Schrödinger's cat — if you don’t turn around then you don’t know if he’s not there. Just like the cat, Gojo is still alive so long as you don’t look. 

“S-Satoru…?” you ask, unable to help yourself. Your voice is rough with sleep, and it sounds so different, so much more real, from how you just heard it when you were talking with him. Maybe that’s answer enough. 

“Satoru?” Your voice cracks when you try again, only to be met with deafening silence. 

There’s a sharp pain in your ribcage, one that you’ve become familiar with over the past few months. You instinctively bring a hand to the middle of your chest, pressing your palm down hard to alleviate the ache despite knowing that it won’t help. 

The bed has always been too large. It had to be in order to fit his lanky frame. But now it threatens to swallow you whole and you scramble to escape it, your legs getting caught in the sheets as you rush to kick them off. 

You stumble out of the bedroom and make your way to the living room, where you fling a shaking hand out to flip the light switch. The sudden brightness has you squinting and after you’ve taken a moment for your eyes to adjust, you find yourself dropping to your knees in front of the small, wooden altar that’s been set up against the wall. 

Your breath catches in your throat as you’re met with Gojo’s smiling portrait — the only way you’ll ever be face-to-face again. His sunglasses sit carefully, reverently, to one side, folded on top of his trademark blindfold. A small box of mochi from his favorite café sits on the shelf just beneath in offering. 

With slightly trembling hands, you open the butsudan’s drawer and pick up the box of incense, sighing when you open it and see that there’s only one stick left. You absently note to buy more when you go out tomorrow for your regular visit to Gojo’s grave. 

Once you’ve set the last stick in its elegant dish and lit it, you take a deep, shaking breath, and try to push down the wave of tears you feel burning behind your eyes. The fabric of your black sleep shorts is clenched tightly between your fingers where your hands sit on your thighs. 

You suddenly feel angry and you latch onto the burning emotion, desperate to feel anything other than the overwhelming grief that’s found a home deep in your soul. Its roots have grown and stretched over the months to consume every piece of you, like an invasive species that’s destroyed everything else until it’s the only thing left in your life.

“You asshole.” You meant to spit the words out, but instead, they fall flat along with your resentment. “Of course I’ll mourn you. Did you really think I wouldn’t?”

Your head drops forward and you cover your eyes with one hand, as if doing so will hide your tears from Gojo’s ever-watchful gaze. Despite your best efforts, your self-control finally slips and you softly begin to sob.

“Y-you wanted ten years?” you ask, still unable to look at him. “I’ll mourn you forever. I promise.”

If he was still alive, you would have offered to make him a binding vow. You should have offered to make him a binding vow. Instead, you can only make one with yourself. 

“Please tell me this is just my imagination,” you murmur, desperately hoping that some passing god will take pity on you and give you what you want more than anything. You don’t care what you have to give up, as long as they’ll give you Gojo back. 

With your eyes closed and your hand blocking any light, you find yourself wondering if you’ve fallen back into that liminal space once again, where everything is and isn’t at the same time. If you try hard enough, you can almost hear him tsking and asking you why you didn’t spend more on a bigger butsudan. 

But the scent of the incense and the soft sounds of your crying keep you from slipping away from the present. 

Your vision is blurry with your tears when you lift your gaze back up to look at Gojo. As his photo grins back, you sniffle and wipe your messy face with the back of your wrist before you press your palms together and bow your head.

“I pray that this all is just my imagination,” you beg him, pleading with him to perform one last miracle for you.

But when you open your eyes and find yourself still alone, the incense burning, and only your grief and his portrait for company, you know that this is reality — even as it falls out from under you.

[acourtofinkandpapyrus]

My Little Shadow: Part twelve (Azriel x Reader)

Warnings: Kidnapping.

Part eleven Part thirteen

Tag list: @mis-lil-red @bubybubsters @luvmoo @rorel1a @minakay

We sat there for another half an hour, before my patience ran out.  “He apologized.”  I said, shifting uncomfortably.

After getting her answers, Y/N demands to be brought home, and of course something else is wrong.

“What for?”  Azriel asked, having adjusted so he’s hanging a little less awkwardly in the net.

I cross my arms.  “Why don’t you tell me what other me forgave you for first?”  I say, turning back towards him.  It wasn’t quite winter yet, but it was still cold, and I found myself shivering.

I was surprised as Azriel and my shadows wrapped around me, warming me up.  Azriel bit his lip as he saw it.

“She- it forgave me for not- for what I did with Elain.”  He said, almost too quiet for me to hear.

I scoff.  “It’s more forgiving than I am.”

He’s quiet for a moment, then he says, “I’m sorry.”

I look at him out of the corner of my eye, and his eyes are round and sad, and it’s an effort not to feel bad for him.

I wasn’t done roasting him over the fire yet.

“You have nothing to apologize for.  I mean, it’s not like you told Mor you liked me, only for her to push me to tell you.”  I glare at him.  “Was that all some big joke for you?  Am I your entertainment for the month?”

He flinched as if I struck him.  “Gods no Y/n, I didn’t-”  He swallowed nervously.  It was strange to see him like this, nervous and unsure of himself.  “I didn’t think she would tell you.  Or if she did, that you would want me like that.”

I pause.  “Then why?  Why were you fucking Elain in the kitchen when I came in then?  If you cared about me like-”  My voice cracked and I looked away.

“Because she was there, and she said it was nothing more than just- I knew that you wouldn’t want me, and it was a stupid decision.”

“I do like you, why do you think I was so angry?”  I hiss, and his eyes meet mine, and he finally sees the sorrow and desperation.

“I lived in a place where everyone was horrible and tried to stab you in the back every five seconds.  I’ve loved you for a few weeks now, and I knew, I just knew if I told you it wouldn’t end well.”  I laugh, the sound empty and cold.  “And what do you know, I was right.”

“No.  No Y/N-  I love you.”  He says it, and I freeze.

“You’re just saying that so I let you down.”  I mutter, looking away so he doesn’t see the hope blooming in my eyes.

Goddamn it, I should hate him.

But I didn’t.

I still wasn’t ready to forgive him though.

“Too fucking late Az.  Too late.”  I say, getting up and going over to the net.  I took the dagger I had stabbed the Graile with, and cut the ropes.  I realized that they had been infused with Faebane.

He fell to the ground with a heavy thud, and I fought back the tears that were threatening to spill yet again.  “Take me home Azriel.  I want to go home.”

He doesn’t speak, but he takes my hand, and I try not to flinch away as he pulls me close and his shadows wrap around us.  Right before we’re there, I feel a dark shimmering string go taut in my chest, and I gasp.  Azriel has the same wide eyed look on his face, but before we can discuss it, we’re in my home.

I want to say something, anything, because I knew what this was, this was the bond. Azriel and I were mates.

I opened my mouth to speak, but paused.  Something was wrong.

Azriel apparently doesn’t notice the change in the house, stumbling away and turning to leave in a rush.

“Azriel don-”  I start, but I’m too late.  He opens the front door and I am suddenly blinded.  I blink away the brightness, and when I look back, he is gone.  There are only strange sigils on the ground around the doorway.

“Y/N!”  My sister screams from upstairs, and I waste no time running up the stairwell and searching for Stella.

I throw the doors open until I find the room she's in, tied to a chair at the end of her bed, tears streaking down her eyes.

I rush over to her, undoing her bonds and pulling her into my arms.  She sobs into my chest as I examine her.  No visible injuries.

“Are you okay?”  I ask, and she shakes her head.  “Dad was here.”  She whispers, and I freeze up.

Oh god.

They had been trying to get me, and now they had Azriel.

As I held Stella in my arms, I knew that Azriel could take care of himself.

At least, I hoped so.

“How did this happen?”  Rhysand asked me frantically.

As soon as I established that they hadn’t done anything to stella besides tie her up, I had rushed to the river house, hoping to find help for Azriel.

“I don’t know!  There was some sort of spell on the front door.  I think it was meant for me, not Azriel.”  I say, rushing off to get weapons.

This time, they were following my lead.

I knew what my father was, and I knew most of his hiding places.  If anyone could find Azriel in the depths of Hewn city, it was me.

I wasn’t going to leave my mate in his hands, I don’t care how angry I was with Azriel.  I’m not that cruel.

He was my mate.

The fact slammed into me once again, and I had to struggle for breath.

My father had kidnapped my mate, and now Azriel could be hurt, or worse.  I didn’t feel anything from the bond, like I’ve been told you should be able to, which only made my panic worse.

“Where would they have taken him?”  Feyre asks, and I hurry to shove yet more weapons onto my person.

Even Nesta’s group was coming.  This was more than just disobeying a highlord, they had kidnapped his friend.

Rhysand was going to bring everything he had.

“Hewn City, other than that, we’re just going to have to check all the hiding places.”  I say, storming back into the main room where Cassian and Rhysand were dressed in pitch black armor, not unlike the stuff the usually wore at Hewn city.  Morrirgan and Amren in another corner, and then Nesta’s circle of friends.

They all turn to me as I enter the room, and I realize they’re waiting for me to tell them what to do.

“We need to go to Hewn City, and we need to keep this as quiet as possible.”  I say, surprised at how steely and commanding my voice comes out.  “If they hear anything about this, they will interfere either in hopes of rewards, or to see us fail.”

I nod to Rhysand.  “Let’s go save our friend.”

[ynbabe]

The Flash x male!reader :- pt.1 incorrect quotes

Barry: I just watched Y/N jump off of a spinning chair. Luckily, he wasn't hurt that badly. But the whole time, Caitlyn was screaming for help, which caused Cisco to run in to help Y/N. Just note that all of this happened in the span of six seconds.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Cisco: Made you all playlists! Cisco: Y/N, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul. Cisco: Caitlyn, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression. Cisco: And Barry has the ABBA Gold album.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Caitlyn, being serious: Which country has the most birds? Caitlyn: Portu-geese! Barry: That's a language. Caitlyn: Portu-gull? Barry: Good recovery. Cisco: I think you mean good re-dovery. Y/N: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Barry: That's ridiculous, Y/N doesn't have a crush on me. Cisco: Yes he does. Caitlyn: Yes he does. Y/N: Yes I do.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Barry: Question, how difficult would it be to bowl in a bee suit? Caitlyn: Not that hard, I don't think, as long as you can move. Y/N: I'd assume as hard as it is to bowl in a maid outfit. Y/N: Wouldn't be any harder, but you'd get some WEIRD looks. Cisco: Are. Are you speaking from experience. Y/N: No! Y/N: Y/N: ....Maybe.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Cisco: *Gasp* Caitlyn: wHAT?? Cisco: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish? Caitlyn: *inhales* Y/N, in another room with Barry: Why can I hear screeching?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Caitlyn: Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie- Cisco: Eyy, homie! Barry: But then there's cootie... Y/n: Die.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Caitlyn: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems. Cisco: Weight loss? Drink water. Barry: Clear skin? Drink water. Y/N: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/N: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Barry and I are dating. Barry, Iris, Caitlyn, and Cisco: *gasp* Y/N: Barry, why are you surprised?!

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Barry: Look guys, I need help. Cisco: Love help? Caitlyn: Financial help? Iris: Emotional help? Y/n: Help moving a body? *Everybody looks at Y/n* Y/n: What?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Iris: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be? Caitlyn: Maybe a bit tipsy? Cisco: Drunk. Y/n and Barry, dumbass speedsters: Dead.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

*The gang's thoughts on stabbing* Caitlyn: Would never stab anyone. Barry: Would stab someone in retaliation. Cisco: Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first. Iris: Would stab without warning. Y/N: Would stab as a warning.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Caitlyn: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell. Barry, Y/N, and Cisco: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: You’ve got to learn to love yourself. Barry: But don't you hate yourself. Y/n: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Barry: I have a problem. Y/n: Kill it. Barry: Can you chill for like, two seconds?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Barry: What are you eating? Y/n: You wouldn't like it, it's really salty. Barry: I like you, don't I?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: *Kicks the door open to Barry’s room, looking panicked* Barry, used to this already: What did you do?! Y/n: NOBODY DIED! Barry, not used to this: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

[mywitchyblog]

Can someone please explain to me who the hell is so upset with me that they’ve resorted to going into other shifters' ask boxes as an anonymous user and started bullying them in my name? It honestly baffles me that someone would stoop so low. If you have an issue with me or something I’ve said, be direct. I’m not one to hide behind anonymity or drag innocent people into something they have nothing to do with. If I had a problem with you, trust me, I’d say it to your face. I don’t need to hide in the shadows.

Now, there are only two possibilities for what’s going on here, and neither of them reflect well on the person responsible:

The first possibility is that this person is intentionally creating drama by sending themselves an anonymous ask. Maybe they’re looking for attention or trying to stir up conflict where there is none. It's sad, honestly, if that’s what’s happening because it just shows how far some people are willing to go to manufacture chaos.

The second possibility is that I’ve managed to piss someone off to the point where they’re now impersonating me, using my name to spread hate and start fights in spaces where I’m not even involved. If this is the case, I can’t say I’m surprised that someone would go this route rather than confront me directly, but it’s still frustrating. I don’t hide from criticism, and I won’t shy away from addressing issues head-on. But to use my identity in such a toxic way? That’s crossing a line.

To the person this happened to (I found out about this through a mutual, and I want you to know that I’m aware), I am truly sorry. I hate that this situation has dragged you into something you didn’t ask for, and I genuinely wish it hadn’t happened. But let me be absolutely clear: it wasn’t me. I did not send those messages, and I would never engage in that kind of behavior. It’s not how I handle things, and it’s certainly not how I treat others.

You are fully entitled to your own opinion, just like I’m entitled to mine. I’ve never denied that right to anyone, and I wouldn’t start now. We don’t have to agree on everything, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to attack you for your perspective or allow someone else to use my name to do so. That’s not how this works.

And just to set the record straight for the final time: I am not a pedophile, nor do I endorse, encourage, or support anything related to that disgusting behavior. It’s beyond insulting that I even have to keep repeating this, but here we are. In fact, I went out of my way to age myself up by a few years or to completely discard the DRs that felt problematic or uncomfortable. I’ve always been mindful of the spaces I navigate, especially when it comes to shifting, and I’ve made conscious decisions about what I’m comfortable with.

If you’re unhappy or confused about something I’ve said or done, talk to me like a human being. Bring it to me, and let’s figure it out. Don’t jump to conclusions or, worse, involve other people who aren’t even a part of the conversation. It’s cowardly and completely unnecessary. This whole thing could’ve been avoided with a little bit of maturity and honest communication.

At the end of the day, it’s honestly pathetic to bully other people just because they happen to have a different opinion than yours. Why are you so bothered by someone else’s perspective that you’d go out of your way to hurt them or cause unnecessary drama? We’re all individuals here, and our experiences with shifting, our journeys, and our beliefs are going to vary. No two people will see everything the same way, and that’s okay. It’s actually something to be embraced. What’s not okay is tearing each other down because of those differences. That only reflects poorly on you and shows how little respect you have for other people’s paths.

So, let’s try a little harder to be civil and respectful. You don’t have to agree with me, and I don’t have to agree with you, but at the very least, we can treat each other with decency.

[steveharringtonat3am]

Steve Harrington x fem!reader

word count: 1.3k

It had been five years since you had been in Hawkins. Your parents had moved to be closer to your university, and there was nothing here that you needed to come back to.

Not anymore.

Your relationship with Steve had really gone through it. You first got together during senior year, right around the time he had gotten his ass kicked down a few pegs and turned into a really nice guy. It had started with tutoring sessions. But bonding over trigonometry in the library quickly fell into make out sessions in his bedroom. It was an incredible year.

He had begged you not to break up with him as you set off to university, swore you two could make it. He knew we could do it, he begged you. But you knew you couldn’t handle it. You wanted to get out of this town, away from the monsters that seemed to lurk in the shadows. You needed to cut every string.

You didn’t even have the courage to do it in person.

The cafe is as warm as you remember, soft lighting and comfy seating. You’re cold enough to order a warm drink and sit down to wait for it. Everything feels so similar and yet so different. They have Valentine’s decor up, reminding you that you’re alone this holiday.

You had a few flings throughout your years away. But they never lasted longer than a few months. You always managed to find a flaw, a standard that they weren’t living up to, any reason you could find to break off a relationship. You knew why you did it. Deep down, you had never really gotten over Steve. Pretending as if not thinking of him every night meant you had moved on.

You thank the serve with a polite smile as they set your drink down. Steam wafts from the mug and you’re so distracted you don’t notice the figure approaching your table.

“Hi.” The voice says, less static and sadness in it then the last time you heard it all those years ago. When your eyes lock, every feeling you had ever felt for him is right there again. You’re 17 again, giggling as he complains about calculus once again.

“Hey.” Is the only thing you can get out. He’s every bit as handsome as you remember, and age has only been kind to him.

“What are you doing back in town?” His voice holds no malice, which somehow stings worse. You wouldn’t have blamed him for being angry. But no anger means he’s over you. Maybe you had deluded yourself into thinking you could still be together after all these years.

“I got a job. It’s a little bit out of town but close enough so…I figured it would be nice to be back here. I got an apartment just down the street.” You search his face for a reaction carefully, but he doesn’t fold.

“I thought you wanted to get away from here.” The slight snark peaks through and you can’t help but feel relieved. You knew annoyed Steve. You could handle annoyed Steve. Indifferent Steve? That was a minefield.

“I was young and stupid. I didn’t know what I wanted.” You let him fill in the gaps on that one. But once again, he doesn’t reward you with a reaction.

When he pulls out a chair, sitting down opposite of you, you do everything in your power to keep a neutral expression. You can’t ruin this, not again.

“You seemed pretty sure back then.” He adjusts the coffee sleeve on his to go cup, refusing to meet your eyes. You can’t help but look away too. This was exactly what you tried to avoid all those years ago. But you weren’t a kid anymore.

“I’m sorry about that. I just…I couldn’t face you.”

“So that makes it okay? I thought we were happy.” The heat of uncomfortableness burns in your stomach. You didn’t have a good answer. You had made the decision years ago, and it had seemed sensible at the time. But loosing Steve hadn’t been worth it, you knew that now.

“We were happy. You made me happier then I have ever felt. But I didn’t know if we would survive long distance. And I didn’t wanna destroy what we had just because I wasn’t ready to let you-”

“I wanted to go with you.” He cuts you off. You can’t help but freeze, and he carries on.

“That’s what I meant when I said we could make it work. There was nothing for me here. I-I could have come with you. We would’ve been happy.”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that. Your whole life is here Steve.” Something in his beautiful brown eyes changes and it breaks your heart even more.

“You were my whole life. Don’t you get that? I loved you. I didn’t need to be anywhere else but with you. But you just left and forgot about me.” He sinks into his chair, like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. Unfortunately, it landed right on your heart.

“I never forgot about you. Not even for a second. No one even came close to how much I loved you, Steve. I was just so afraid we would destroy our relationship while trying to make it work and I would lose you forever.” When he meets your eyes with that soft look of sympathy, the tiniest glimmer of hope burns at your heart.

“You could never lose me forever.” He reaches over the table to gently take your hand, squeezing it softly. You can’t hold back a smile. Steve had always been the sweetest, and it was reassuring to know he still was.

“Do you wanna get outta here?” You offer without thinking and he nods in response. You place some money next to your cold, untouched drink and follow Steve outside to the chilly February air.

“You remember that place?” He gestures to the little pizza place across the street. You smile fondly seeing it. It felt like forever ago you had been two kids arguing over the best toppings, sharing kisses that tasted faintly of tomato sauce.

“Yeah. Our first date. One that didn’t involve your math homework.” You smile at him and he returns a dorky grin.

“You’re pretty much the only reason I passed that class” His hand brushes yours, sending a jolt down your spine.

“I absolutely was! You were hopeless when I first started teaching you.” He gasps in mock-shock.

“I was not that bad.”

“You couldn’t do long division!”

“I missed that day!” You both laugh, leaning into each other as you smile fondly. You catch sight of the park and point it out excitedly.

“That’s where we had our picnic, remember?” You ask him, happiness washing over you when he nods.

“How could I forget? It was when we made our relationship official.” He slips his hand into yours and you intertwine your fingers without even thinking about it.

You walk mostly in silence for a while, taking in each other’s presence. There’s no rush. Not anymore. But eventually, you end up at the door of your apartment, not sure how to say goodbye.

“I really missed you.” He says quietly, a hushed whisper into the bubble we had created.

“I missed you too. More then you could ever know.” You can’t help but lean closer. Steve had always had this pull, something just irresistible about him that you could never quite put your finger on. Maybe it was the slope of his nose, the way his eyes sparkled when he laughed, the way his lips would press together when he was annoyed. Maybe it was just him.

“Trust me, I know.” When he presses his lips to yours, one thing rings in your head.

You’re home.

[senjuhashirama]

THE NUANCE OF HASHIRAMA’S UNFAMOUS QUOTE

After Hashirama wins a fight with Madara at the Valley of the End and subsequently impales Madara with a sword, Hashirama says to him:

Hashirama is saying this memorable quote to a dying Madara as if he was trying to justify his decision to kill Madara not only to Madara but also to himself. He’s reminding Madara that he will choose Konoha over anything else (including Madara) no matter what. He’s firm and assured with his decision. However, he’s not sure if it’s the right decision and he perceives his action as desperate. In other words, He feels like he had no other option, and he feels similarly to a rat being forced into a corner. He can only jump at his enemy or he (and everything he worked for) dies. He blames Madara for him having to face this hard situation. He doesn’t feel like he‘s won, there’s no movement in his face to suggest that, he’s angry at best for being cornered. Rather than that, he feels like he’s lost together with Madara.

However, this quote alone without context (as it’s usually thrown around) doesn’t tell us the whole story of Hashirama’s point of view that was shaped by his upbringing, experiences and dire situation.

When Hashirama says he would kill his child if the child was a threat Konoha, He doesn’t talk about a literal six years old child who came with a wooden sword. And he doesn’t talk about an adult child he could easily overpower and deal with them verbally. Instead, he talks about an offspring that would be at least on Hashirama’s level of power who would try to destroy Konoha and everyone in it, including babies and families. To put it more simply, it‘s not about only protecting Konoha as a political system but about actual people living there who wouldn’t stand a chance against said offspring and would eventually die if the offspring wasn’t stopped. Considering all previous points, Hashirama wouldn’t kill his offspring as a form of punishment, but out of necessity and out of desperation. This is also how he feels about killing Madara – he doesn’t want to punish Madara.

However, Hashirama doesn’t just think about it, he also says it aloud, which can give sort of dark or even cold vibes. But to understand this, we need to look at the way Hashirama was raised. He was born in a midst of wars where death was so prevalent that he becomes a little obsessed about it. His two brothers died, and we can assume that many of his friends and comrades also died. For Hashirama, death is a normalised, sad part of life and it’s not a taboo as it is later in the series. He is capable of talking about it and it, without a question, taught him to be compassionate.  

To Hashirama, death is not a punishment, but the last resort.   

Similarly, in Hashirama’s flashback, we can see where his struggles with parent/child relationships come from. His father was authoritative and abusive, which means that Hashirama was never shown a proper parent/child relationship. He struggled as a child and he probably automatically presumes he will struggle as a parent (on the other side) too. We don’t know how Hashirama was as a father and I don’t personally believe he was anything like Butsuma, but his traumatic experience with his own father probably shaped Hashirama’s view of familiar relationships. That’s why it was so easy for him to say aloud that he would kill his own offspring if they threatened Konoha. Hashirama’s feelings about family are more numb and lacking because of the abuse he has suffered. Because of that, he will never see father/son relationship as only good and loving as that’s not what he knows. Hashirama’s statement is rather dark and it lacks nurturing (that is prevalent in healthy family relationships), just as his adolescence.

Despite this, Hashirama isn’t sure if his decisions he made for Konoha were right. Madara himself warns him that his vision will bring darkness upon Konoha. Hashirama has regrets and doesn’t fully justify his decision as being right.

That said, Hashirama‘s statement to Madara about killing a family member and his regrets aren’t supposed to show him as a bad person. Instead, they humanise him and they make him seem like an individual rather than an ideal.

On the contrary, Hashirama‘s „heroic sacrifice“ (killing an enemy who was a friend) isn’t supposed to show him as a good person. He’s not just good and flawless or simply bad. He’s not just a cartoonishly evil character and neither he’s a funny and innocent himbo. He’s a nuanced character with flaws, not just an aspirational hero whose hands are clean.