#hmhwriting

[haleyincarnate]

A reminder for me, a reminder for you.

Your worth is not measured by what other people pour into you. It is what you pour into yourself that matters.

[thenirvanicfille]

Give me tenderness. Give me your raw. I want to lay my heart bare beneath a night sky full of glowing stars and melt. I want to pour into someone. I want to share that warmth, that burning adventure.

[sunaire1]

I find myself in such  a hard place cause I know this not my right home , I know where I’m supposed to be will be filled with love understanding and compassion so much

I will cry with joy , yet I sit in this empty space and wish for better days …. like a lost soul wishing on a lucky star

[haleyincarnate]

I hope you come into the love you deserve. I hope you drink it in full, devour the entire plate. I hope you find peace in the war you fight with yourself. I hope you know you are worth it all.

[haleyincarnate]

Longing for soft love. Searching for the gentle in everything.

[haleyincarnate]

And you didn’t have to be so strong, but you were, and man, am I thankful for it today. You turned us into such a warm, hopeful thing.

You are the toughest person I've ever met. --- Collage from my poetry collection "Winterbrook", out 11/11.

[haleyincarnate]

I made it a life mission to make myself the only home I needed. To dip into my center and rip out burning light, to illuminate the way for my young feet to walk.

I was a storm shelter, built to shield my gentle heart away from hatred.

It may have poured but I stood tall.

I’m still standing, for that matter. --- Collage from my poetry collection "Winterbrook", out 11/11.

[haleyincarnate]

I don’t talk about how your mother’s name still pops up as a recent contact on Facebook messenger. I don’t talk about how the Christmas tree I bought stands tall in your apartment as a pyre, burning in warm light. I don’t talk about the one-worded replies, the corners of my bedroom you still haunt. I don’t talk about how I will always feel a mother to your dogs. I don’t talk about the plushies won at an arcade sitting in the back window of my car, the Polaroid of us shoved out of sight into the center console. I don’t talk about the bathroom door and the violence it has seen. I don’t talk about my dreams and your hair knotted in my fists like a lifeline, raw desperation to hold on. I don’t talk about how my number in your phone still bears the nickname you gave me. I don’t talk about the wailing my favorite stuffed animal has witnessed. I don’t think about how years and years of love and living can be shrunk down to fit in the palm of my hand, how it has morphed from soft cotton to a shard of glass. I don’t talk about the matching necklaces still hanging on the curtain rod in your bedroom. I don’t talk about one of two identical sweaters hanging deep in the back of my closet. I don’t talk about my mom still buying your dogs presents, my grandparents holding on to a Christmas card for you.  I don’t talk about the ache of loss in my chest but god, is it there. It is there. 

WHAT I DON'T TALK ABOUT (AND OTHER LIES) // Haley Hendrick

[haleyincarnate]

Not everyone is meant to help you heal. Not everyone will benefit your journey. Not everyone understands your path.

And that is okay.

[haleyincarnate]

I am a world champion when it comes to self-criticism. Every glance into a mirror is a peek into the void. I have a compulsory need to fix myself. My hair isn't quite right, I need to flip it to the other side. Smudge eyeliner to perfectly match the other. Release my upper arms from touching my sides; I am taking up too much space. Raise my eyebrows back to their masking position, adjust my piercings, pull my chest back into position. I turn to my side and hold my breath; to look at my stomach in the mirror is to fall directly into the abyss.

Every day I am attempting to unlearn these habits, though slow. I am desperate every morning to wake feeling content with myself. I am ever begging to be better, but I also recognize that "better" version of me has always existed within me. And who is to say I am not her even now?

I am deserving of love in the body I have right now. I am deserving of admiration in the body I have right now. I am deserving of living a life well lived in the body I have right now.

I am working on saying I believe these things and meaning it.

[haleyincarnate]

Honestly, still trying to figure that last one out.

Who did I become? Who am I becoming? What and who should I let influence that identity?

I am a sponge soaking in anything and everything around me; this 27-year-old heart made entirely of fragments from past lives lived.

I am not sure who I will be even come tomorrow, but I do know she will be a woman filled with love. With drive. With empathy.

She will be the girl my younger self longed for her to be. --- Collage from my poetry collection "Winterbrook", out 11/11.

[haleyincarnate]

It is a blessing. It is waking from a long slumber and taking that first sip of water. It is relief in the palm of your hand; sweet as a sugar cube, fiery as a ghost pepper. It is burning in all the right ways.

And reflecting back on what once was isn't a negative thing either. You can still be grateful for who you are now and understand who and why you were the way you were back then.

Every experience, every breath is just another page unfolding in your story.

[haleyincarnate]

I hope you know that you are worth goodness. That wound you don’t talk about deserves to heal. That heart you quiet down deserves to scream.

I hope you know that it’s not “in the next life”, it’s this one.

You were meant to be whole in this one.

[haleyincarnate]

And what is growing up if not being fearful of the future, but running head on into it anyway?

I am still afraid, but I barrel into fate with gritted teeth. Every experience brings a lesson, every passing day and night just a page turned in my story.

We are all novels begging to be written. --- Collage from my poetry collection "Winterbrook", out 11/11.

[haleyincarnate]

I am wild with longing. Feral with yearning. I want to sink my teeth into hope and draw blood. I want to burn in all the right ways. I want to hold the knife and not fear its sting. I am desperate with need.

[haleyincarnate]

If it is not meant for me, I will not be moved by it. I only have space in my heart for love and only love. May what washes over me that is not meant to stay fade away peacefully. I wish everyone the best, even if they do not wish it for me.