#we said Azriel as of right now has no mate and he's definitely in no relationship

[cressidagrey]

Stars all aligned - Chapter 1

Summary:

If there was one thing that both Azriel and Zahra Archeron had in common, it was that they were both very good at blending into the background.

They just never thought that their family were going to be the ones who never saw them at all.

Warning:

Bashing of like...every IC member? I think Rhys gets the worst though, definitely disordered eating, kinda depression?, isolation

(Lovely dividers thanks to @sweetmelodygraphics)

He found her deep inside the House of Wind. Far enough from the festivities of Starfall that it was startling to find her.

The second oldest Archeron Sister must have wandered off just like he had.

“Why aren’t you dancing?” Azriel asked her as he spied her sitting in a puddle of her skirts on one of the couches, staring at the empty fireplace.

“Why aren’t you?” Zahra gave back drily, not even looking up at him.

What exactly was he supposed to answer to that? Oh, I can't stomach watching your sister dance with her mate? And even if I could stomach that, Rhys's mental commentary to him about it had turned his stomach. Even when Azriel had kept away from Elain just like Rhysand had ordered him to do, ever since last year. So really...what was he supposed to answer?

“Dancing isn’t exactly my favourite activity,” Azriel finally replied. It wasn’t a lie. 

"Yeah, well, mine neither," she answered with a shrug. "Not that I ever learned."

"You never learned?" he asked surprised. Nesta had learned. Elain had learned.

"Bastard, remember?" Zahra said drily. "I am lucky that I got to learn how to read and write and do basic math. I was not going to be molded into a perfect lady, because no self-respecting man would marry me anyway."

The blunt way Zahra was talking stunned Azriel momentarily. There was something harsh, something almost...bitter and resentful in her voice as she spoke.

It seemed like it didn't matter if one was born a bastard in Illyria or the Human lands. It was horrible either way.

"Your sisters will miss you," he said instead quietly. "And you'll miss the spectacle."

"I don't really care for the festivities," she said with another shrug. "I don’t like the holidays. Humans don’t have any. We… they are too busy trying to survive," Zahra corrected herself quietly. "And besides, I am only here anyway so I don't end up being an indentured servant until some of you decide that I am back in your good graces,” she gave back caustically.

He grimaced. That Zahra had vehemently disagreed about their treatment of Nesta was well known.

It had surprised him too because it was just as just as well known that Nesta seemed to not care for her half-sister on a good day. They weren't particularly close, in any way, shape or form.

Something in his chest clenched painfully. Not from the insult she threw in his direction, but from the defeated way she said it. That she thought that they would just…toss her aside like that.

She was one of them.

"We won't," he said firmly. Her eyes slowly turned toward him and there were dark shadows in those eyes. Out of all the Archeron Sisters, she was the only one with green eyes. Azriel wondered if she had inherited them from her late mother.

Zahra was only the half-sister after all. The result of her father’s dalliance with a maid. Her age put her somewhere between Nesta and Elain. 

It was easy enough to pick out the differences between Nesta, Elain and Feyre and Zahra. Dark hair similar to Elain’s, but green eyes. Skin a few shades darker than any of theirs. Lips that looked like Feyre’s but a nose that looked like none of her sisters. 

Zahra seemed to belong but didn’t. 

And right now, these green eyes…something was wrong. Something was off with these eyes. 

"You don’t know that," she said with a humourless laugh. "Do you want to lie to me too, and  tell me that Rhysand has nothing to do with whatever happened between Elain and you?"

Azriel stiffened, a low sound escaping his throat. She knew. She knew.

"How did you-" he croaked hoarsely and Zahra cocked an eyebrow at him.

 "Do you really think that I hadn't noticed the two of you dancing around each other for months? Or the fact that you two can barely manage to be in the same room together?" she asked dryly and Azriel averted his gaze.  "There is no one as beautiful and kind as my sister," Zahra said drily. "I don't fault you for falling for her."

Azriel said nothing, the pain in his chest growing at her words. The pain...and the bitter realization that his feelings were not as well-hidden as he had thought they were. 

"It doesn't matter," he said quietly. "She has a mate. She deserves better than me anyway."

"Did Rhysand tell you that too?" Zahra said drily. "You never tried to hide the fact that your mate was dying from the same, so you have that on him."

Azriel gritted his teeth, the pain in his chest becoming almost unbearable. "It doesn’t matter," he repeated firmly, the words tasting like ash in his mouth. "Elain is happy. I would do nothing to put that in danger." 

"Yes, she is," Zahra agreed. "For what it's worth, I am sorry," she apologised to him, her voice honest.

Azriel swallowed, the pain in his chest lessening only to be replaced by something else. Something...much more complicated. Something like…pity.

He pitied her. This young female was so full of bitterness. He couldn’t even fault her for it either. She had been just a bastard. Even when they had first met the Archeron Sisters…Zahra had been working in the household as a maid. Half employee, half part of the family. Like their father couldn’t make up his mind what he should do with his bastard daughter. 

"You don't have anything to apologise for," Azriel finally told her quietly. "Do you really not want to watch?" he asked her. "You are supposed to wish for something when you see the stars fall."

She snorted, the sound bitter. "What I want, I am never going to get," Zahra said, her voice brittle.

He took her in in more detail at that moment.

The simple green gown she wore, high necked and long sleeved...that long gown that did little to hide how thing she was. The dark brown hair, pulled into a braid, obviously trying to hide the pointed tips of her ears and failing...the way her skin, darker than all of her sisters, was nearly ashen.

They had all thought that she was doing well. That Zahra at least was adjusting well.

But she wasn't. She wasn’t doing better.  She hadn't adjusted. Azriel would bet anything that all she wanted in her life was to be human again.

She hadn't adjusted. She just acted in a way that didn't bother anybody, that didn’t spell trouble for anybody.  Zahra had gotten herself a job, managing the accounting at an apothecary in the city.  She had gotten herself a little cottage to rent. She didn’t go out and get drunk. She didn’t use any money from Rhys or Feyre. She showed up for family dinners, staying quiet and polite. 

And if she was miserable…well, then nobody cared, because she didn’t bother anybody. Azriel could understand that. The same was the case for him.

Azriel clenched his jaw, watching her quietly sitting here. The way she was trying to hide away. The dress that was more like a potato sack than anything else. The way her skin was almost...grey. That bitter voice. 

The shadows were stirring and he was unable to look away from her. She looks upset, Master, they told him helpfully. 

"Do you want to go home?" Azriel offered quietly. Home to her cottage? Maybe some peace and quiet would make her feel better. 

Zahra shrugged, not looking at him. Not giving him an inch. That wall of bitterness and sarcasm was so firmly in place, that it was practically a solid wall between them. 

“Don’t want to end like an indentured servant, remember?“ she quipped drily.

“You won’t,“ Azriel said evenly. “You had a headache. I brought you home.“

She still didn’t look at him, her hands tightly knotted into her skirts as she sat there. She was so thin, almost fragile-looking. Her skin was sickly grey. “Come on,” he said finally, walking towards her.

Zahra finally looked up at him. Those green eyes. A bitter and lonely light in them. “What are you doing?“ she muttered. 

“I’m bringing you home,” he said simply, holding out his hand. “Come on, get up.“

Zahra looked at his hand, her gaze wary. “Why?“ she asked quietly. 

“Because you look like you are about to keel over,” he said, more bluntly than intended. 

“Gee, thanks,” she said dryly, her voice sarcastic and bitter. But she placed her hand into his own and let him pull her to her feet, even though he could feel the tension in her entire body. 

Azriel wrapped his arm around her shoulders, steadying her. “Come on. Let’s get you home and into bed,” he said firmly. 

He led her towards the balcony, the last few streaks of light painting the sky, and he grasped her tightly as they shout these few feet into the air until he could winnow to the cottage she rented. 

It’s ugly, the shadows complained. 

He had to agree with them. The cottage was an ugly little thing. Plain. Small. The type of thing that was more of a hovel in the outskirts, rather than anything else. 

“Home sweet home,“ Zahra said dryly, pulling away from him and a key out of her purse. 

That cottage was in serious need of some renovations when the red paint that was flaking off the door was anything to go by. 

As she unlocked the door it became obvious that while she kept it clean and neat.. even that couldn’t help much. This is a hovel, the shadows hissed.

Azriel was inclined to agree. He looked around with a frown, as the shadows scuttered around the tiny cottage. “You live here?“ he couldn’t help but ask. It was a terrible hovel indeed. 

Zahra shrugged as if she didn’t notice the disgust in his voice. “I couldn’t exactly afford anything else at first,” she said drily. 

At least not without taking any money from Rhys and Feyre, and clearly that was nothing that Zahra wanted to do. 

He was struck by how empty it all looked. There was a small kitchen space, a table with a few chairs a fireplace… And the door that led to her bedroom, he assumed. 

“How long have you lived here?“ he asked carefully, taking in the bare emptiness. There were no pictures on the walls. No trinkets and little belongings anywhere. It was…lifeless. She shrugged again and kicked off her shoes, making her way towards the bedroom. “A year?“

The room was equally simple and bare. A bed, a few clothes. A little bathing chamber. That was it. 

“You’ve lived here for over a year?“ Azriel repeated, his voice turning sharp as he looked at everything. There wasn’t even a mirror on the wall. 

When she just shrugged again, he was done. He grabbed her arm and towed her back into the main room. “Stay,” he ordered, pointing at the table and one of the two rickety chairs. 

“What are you doing?“ Zahra asked, raising both eyebrows at him. Her irritation had started to rise considerably. At least that had done something to the sickly colour of her skin. 

“Making sure you eat something before you pass out on me,” Azriel muttered, turning back into the kitchen area, looking around with a frown.

There was…nothing. His shadows reported as much. She literally had a few pieces of bread and some cheese in the whole house. He was more than fuming. That was not enough that she was living in…this hovel, she was apparently also starving herself.

He pointed at the chair again. “Sit,” he ordered a little sharper than he had intended. 

The glare she gave him did not surprise him. Zahra hated being ordered around. “No,” she said firmly, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “I’m not hungry.“

Azriel clenched his jaw, the anger flaring. How stubborn could she be? 

“You clearly haven’t eaten in days,” he said, pointing out the obvious. “You have nothing in your house to eat.” 

“I have what I need,” she retorted, her own anger flaring. Azriel gritted his teeth, the urge to snap at her almost overwhelming.

“You are skin and bones,” he hissed. “There is barely enough fat on you to keep out the cold.“ 

“Why do you care?“ she snapped right back.

The question hit him squarely in the chest. Why did he care? Why, he asked himself for a moment. Why indeed.

He wasn’t going to lie to himself and say that it was just because she was Feyre’s sister. 

Thankfully, Azriel was saved from actually having to answer, when her stomach grumbled.

Loudly. Azriel almost chuckled at the sound of her own stomach betraying just how hungry she really was. “Clearly your body disagrees with you,” he said drily. 

“Shut up,” Zahra snapped, her skin flushing at the sound of her own stomach. 

“I will shut up after you’ve eaten something,” Azriel said firmly, folding his arms across his chest.

Zahra gave him a glare that could strip the paint from the walls, (but then, the paint was already flaking off anyway). Still, she grudgingly sank down on the chair, her eyes avoiding his. 

He turned back into the kitchen, opening cupboards and drawers and found absolutely nothing. There was nothing. Not even some fruits or vegetables. 

He slammed the last cupboard closed, almost causing the hinges to break, the anger flaring hotly in his chest. That stupid, stubborn, stubborn woman.

“I will personally come here every day and stuff you full until you burst,” he snapped before he could stop himself.

“Why?” she asked and he could hear the challenge in her voice. Her own anger rose to meet his own. “Why would you even bother?“ 

“Because you are starving yourself,” he said, spinning around to face her. “Because you are so thin, I could snap you in half with one hand. Because I’m pretty damn sure you haven’t eaten a proper meal in at least a year. That’s why.“

“Maybe I don’t deserve a proper meal,” she shot back and something inside of him snapped at the tone in her voice. 

Because he knew that feeling. He knew. For just a moment he froze. They were far more similar than they should be. 

It was a terrible realization. He knew what the self-hatred and bitterness was like. He understood it far better than he wanted to.

“Nobody is going to suddenly show up and care,” he told her quietly. He saw her eyes flare at the words and he knew she got the meaning behind them instantly.

She sat there, her jaw tensed. “And what do you know about it?” she snapped, her voice bitter. 

“I know what it feels like to starve oneself,” he said calmly. “I know what it feels like to have not a single person notice or care.“

The words rang truer than they should. Her eyes widened for a moment, shock flashing through her. 

“I know what it feels like to be the one be always at the edge of the family. I know what it feels like for everybody around me to meet their mate but not me.“

The words slipped out before he could stop them. The pain he had buried so deep, deep down flaring up. The pain and loneliness and bitter realization that would never have what everyone else had.

He realized only then how much they really had in common. How similar they were. 

“I know what it feels like to be the afterthought,” he continued, unable to stop now. “I know how it feels to be shoved aside. I know how it feels to watch everyone around me find someone while I’m the one left behind.“ 

He took a step closer to where she was sitting, towering over her. “And I know how it feels to hate myself enough to deny myself the basic needs I actually have.“ 

The last words made her flinch. He was so close he could almost see the pain and guilt and bitter realization flit across her face. Her eyes were on her lap, her fingers wrapped around the edge of the table. 

“I know what it feels like to feel as if I don’t deserve to eat,” he said quietly. “Because I’m not good enough. Not worthy enough. Not deserving enough.“

He knelt down in front of her, forcing her to look at him. To meet his eyes. 

She tried to look away, but he wouldn’t let her. He wanted her to see. To understand that she wasn’t as alone as she thought. “I know what it feels like to punish myself by not giving myself what I actually need,” he said quietly. 

Her breath hitched at the last words, her eyes widening ever so slightly. She was listening. Really listening to what he said.

“You’re not the only one who hates yourself, you know,” he said quietly. The look in her eyes shattered him. The look of realisation. Of bitter understanding. The realization that they were so much more similar than either of them had thought before.

Zahra bit her lip, the guilt flashing across her face. Her hands started trembling, ever so slightly.

“You don’t deserve to go hungry,” he said quietly, his voice firm and quiet. “You don’t deserve to starve yourself. You don’t deserve to live in this… hovel.

“The cauldron should just have killed me,” Zara said her voice brittle. “I don’t like this life.”

And didn’t that break his fucking heart? 

She laughed bitterly, but there was no humour in it. “I’m not even surviving,” she said, a bitter smile on her thin lips. “I’m existing. There is a difference.“ 

The words hit him hard. She was right. She didn’t survive, she just existed. There was a difference and a huge one at that. “Then stop just existing,” he said quietly.

His hand was still cupping her cheek, his thumb stroking gently over her skin. 

“Says the guy that just keeps moping around,” she quipped.

It was a low blow but also true. Azriel’s jaw tensed at the comment. “I don’t mope,” he bit. “I just..“

He didn’t really have a good argument in his defence at the moment. 

He sighed. “We should both stop rotting away,” he said drily.

“Yeah, well, that’s easy to you to say,” Zahra said and he could hear the bitterness in her voice. 

“Eat your cheese,” he responded.

She rolled her eyes and snatched away the slice of cheese off the table. “Happy now?“ she muttered. 

“Delighted,” he gave back drily, as he moved towards her fireplace.

“You don’t need to do that,” Zahra said quietly. “I can do that.”

“Considering you’ve been too starved to think straight, you are going to let me do this,” Azriel cut across her calmly. “You are more than likely to burn yourself.” 

“Don’t the flames bother you?” She asked him quietly. He froze.

Nobody else had ever asked him. They had just expected him to be over it by now. He had 500 years to be over it. His hands clenched.

“Yes,” he answered quietly. “They still do.” It was the honest truth. A truth he never told anyone before, least of all someone like her. The shadows curled around his shoulders and arms as if to calm him down. The flames still bothered him. They always would. “But I learnt to deal with it a long time ago,” he continued.

“That’s not fair to you,” Zahra said, her voice quiet. “You are always the one in discomfort. And nobody cares.”

Her words hit him square in the gut. It was true. It was painfully true. He was always the one being uncomfortable. Always the one on edge. It had always been expected of him to be over it by now, the pain and the hurt. The fear and the bitterness. 

He finished building the fire. Using a match to light it carefully, then closing the door quickly.

“I can deal with it,” he answered quietly. “You should go to sleep,” he advised her.

“So should you,” Zahra told him just as quietly. “You look terrible.“ He knew he looked like crap. But that didn’t matter. 

“I’m fine,” he muttered, brushing off her comment. Even though he knew it was a lie. Even though he knew they were both terrible at taking care of themselves. 

“You are a terrible liar,” she quipped. He looked at her and was surprised to see a tiny smile on her face. 

“And you’re a very stubborn, very stupid, very annoying woman,” he quipped back just as quietly. 

The smile on her face broadened the tiniest bit at the comment. “I could say the same about you,” she shot back. 

“Sleep,” he told her again.

And then he left that little cottage to get back to the House of Wind. He didn’t bother winnowing, instead, he shot up into the sky with one flap of his mighty wings. He wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway.

His mind was whirling as he flew back to the House of Wind. So much had happened in the last few hours and it was all still a lot to process.

He had always been good at keeping a rein on his thoughts and his emotions. But this time, he simply couldn’t. 

Zahra and him, always on the outskirts of their family. Ignored and expected to get on with it.

They were so similar in so many ways. It was shocking to realize just how much they actually had in common.

The loneliness and solitude he had come to live with, she had experienced herself. The pain and the bitterness, he could recognize it on her, for he had felt it himself. 

Where are you, Az? Rhys demanded at that moment mentally. Azriel would like to scratch out his eyes, but he didn’t.

I’m flying back to the House, he sent back curtly. Zahra had a headache, so I brought her home.

A headache, Rhys shot back incredulously. Azriel could almost see the look on his High Lord’s face. You really think I will buy that?

I don’t care if you believe me or not, Azriel responded icily, his temper rising already at the tone. It is the truth and I really don’t wish to have a discussion over it.

There was a pause in Rhys’ mind. Then a slight huff. You can be so unbelievably stubborn sometimes, you know that?

Azriel didn’t bother reacting to that.

Elain and Lucien are figuring things out. So keep away from her, Rhys told him sharply.

I am keeping away from her, Azriel shot back, irritation flaring. You really think I will go and ruin this for her?

I don’t know what you are up to, Rhys retorted, and Azriel knew the High Lord was irritated. But I really don’t have the time to deal with your crap right now. That’s an order.

Understood, High Lord, Azriel snarled back and he felt Rhys chuckle in his mind at the tone. I will keep away from your precious Elain, I promise. 

Damn right you will, he heard Rhys mutter in his mind and the mental connection between the two of them snapped close. 

Azriel snarled in irritation as he landed on his balcony and stalked into his room. It wasn’t enough that he was wrestling with his own emotions, No, he also had Rhys all up his ass about it. 

And he was infuriated about the whole thing.

Nobody will suddenly show up and care, he has told Zahra. It was the truth. Nobody would care.

They only cared as long as they got what they wanted from him.

Chip away the pieces they didn’t like. Mould him into a person they could stomach. 

Either it was Rhys ordering to keep away from Elain…or ordering him to behave around Mor and Emerie… and to be quite honest…Azriel was done.

It was always him that needed to bend to make everybody else comfortable. Nobody bends for him.

So many years of following orders, of keeping his mouth shut, of bottling up the anger.

Even when everyone around him was getting what they wanted. They got their happily ever after. And he was left behind.  Not once did someone ever realize that he was struggling. Not once did someone notice that he needed something…anything. That he was hurting and in pain. Nobody even bothered to check on him, to ask how he was doing. 

They all got what they wanted. Mor, Emerie, even Feyre. They all got the mate that they wanted. Rhys, Cassian and even Amren had Varian. 

He was the one always helping everyone else. Always the one having to endure everything. Never anything for himself. No love for himself.

Orders, commands, demands…that’s all it ever was. He didn’t get a say in anything. They just expected him to be fine. And if he wasn’t…he had to push through it. 

He was the tool that did whatever needed to be done. The spy that got the order to do the dirty work. The shadowsinger that just had to endure everything. 

All for scraps of attention.

Azriel was done.

He was so done. With everything. With everyone. With the one-sided affection that he had given in a desperate attempt to feel…something, anything…. 

He needed to stop expecting to get anything from them.

Zahra did not. She seemed to have given that up a very long time ago

The cold realization that they had been doing the same to her hit him. She was also the tool they used when they needed it. She may not be a spy, but they used her just the same. Expected her to be fine. 

She was alone just as much as he was. 

Alone and isolated, an afterthought to their family just as much as he was. 

***

It was quiet in the little cottage. 

Peaceful. 

Comfortable.

Sie should be happy. Or at the very least…she should be content, should she not?.

Zahra had a roof over her head. And if she wanted to…she could afford food.

Her job didn’t pay that well, but it wouldn’t leave her starving. She just wasn’t hungry. She seemingly never was.

That was a lie and she knew it. Deep down she was hungry all the time. She just refused to give in to eating. She refused to listen to her body screaming for sustenance. It didn’t matter, anyway. Nobody cared.

She didn’t care.

Something inside her had broken during her bath in that cauldron. Her humanity had burned away and with that…with that everything Zahra had ever wanted.

She didn’t crave anything anymore. Not love. Not affection. Not attention. Not food. It was all gone. All she felt was numb. 

Cold, empty and numb. Like her shell had hardened and frozen over.

She had never thought it was possible to feel so damn tired without having done anything. 

Zahra forced herself to get up. Forced herself to heat some water on the stove… to make tea. The cheapest tea she had been able to find at the market.

It wasn’t the best. The taste was bitter and the color was more brown than black. But it was tea and she was thirsty enough to drink it.

It wasn’t very warm and left a bitter aftertaste on the tongue. Like her life itself. 

Maybe just dying would have been easier, she reflected bitterly. Was this how eternity would feel? Alone? Tucked away in this cottage? 

All her sisters had been given a mating bond. They had been given another person who loved them unconditionally…that was at their side. That wanted them around. That wanted to spent time with them. 

And then there was her. 

She had been closest to Feyre during the years in that cottage. Nesta gave her the fault for seemingly everything htat had ever gone wrong in her life, though Zahra privately thought that for Nesta, Zahra was just the evidence of another of her father’s failings…Elain…well, Elain was more embarrassed than anything about Zahra’s very existence. But Feyre…well, Feyre hadn’t cared. And so Zahra had tried to dote on her as much as she could. 

And then clearly she had been replaced in Feyre’s affections. 

She didn’t fault her for that. 

Feyre had made her own life. And she had every right to do that. She was busy with her mate and her son and Mor was her best friend and…there was seemingly no place for Zahra there. 

Which was fine. 

It was. 

But if Zahra was completely honest with herself…she was unspeakably jealous of the mating bond of every single one of her sisters. 

Of that promise of at least one person that would be on her side, come Hel or High Water. 

Clearly, something was wrong with her that she hadn’t been given a Mating Bond.

She wasn’t worth a mate. Clearly, something was broken inside her. Otherwise, the cauldron would have given her a mate, right? 

Maybe she was broken so thoroughly that nobody even wanted her. 

Why would they? She was a shell of a person, a ghost of the woman she was supposed to be.

She was cold, empty and numb. Everything that nobody could possibly want. 

Everyone else got a mate, love and happiness. Not her.

She had nothing.

Her hands clenched around her lukewarm cup of tea. 

Some random sparks of light sparked against the mug. A gift from the cauldron. They didn’t seem to do anything but warm whatever they touched. Maybe that was that random power the cauldron had given her. Neither future or death…but…warmth. She supposed it was something.

She wasn’t quite sure what to do with it, and she had never bothered telling anybody about it. 

Sometimes she allowed herself to play with them when she couldn’t sleep. They were strange and utterly useless. 

It wasn’t the power of foresight or the power of a death god…no. She had the stupid power to create sparks. Useless sparks of light. 

Oh well. 

Complaining about her sparks wasn’t going to help her either. 

So she pulled out her work and sat down to do her work as the sun came up and the day went on. 

Zahra balanced the account ledgers for one of the apothecaries in Velaris. Which meant she had a whole box of receipts to sort through and put into said ledger.

One receipt at a time, one name after the other. 

It kept her busy. It paid well enough. She seemed to have some kind of aptitude for it…maybe the fact that her father was a merchant had come through for once. 

She worked until the late evening. Until her eyes couldn’t concentrate on the numbers anymore.Until her back and shoulders ached with pain. She stretched her shoulders back. 

She wondered if she should eat something. Her cheese was gone, thanks to Azriel standing over her until she ate it…but she still had one or two slices of bread, didn’t she? 

She could go food shopping…buy another bread, another chunk of cheese tomorrow. 

Then Zahra heard a knock on the door. 

Confusion spread through her. Who would knock on her door at that very late hour? It was after 9 pm already. 

She got up, walked towards the door and opened it carefully.

It was the last person she would expected to be standing on the front porch. Azriel. 

“I am making you dinner.“

Her eyes widened at that announcement. “You are what?” she asked him dumbly. 

He just gave her a deadpan look and pushed past her. “I am cooking dinner because I am assuming that you haven’t eaten yet,” he told her plainly. 

It was true. Zahra hadn’t eaten a proper meal in god knows how long. But why did he care?? “Why?” she blurted out. “Why do you care if I’ve eaten?” 

He gave her a sharp look and pushed her towards the kitchen chair. “Sit down,” he simply ordered and she was too taken aback to protest against it. 

He had brought his own ingredients. His own knives, all tucked away in a little basket that he put on her countertop. “Can you peel potatoes?” He asked her as he rummaged through it. 

She could just stare at him. 

“Who do you think cooked the meat Feyre hunted?” Zahra replied drily.

Azriel froze in the process of digging something out of the basket on the counter. “You can cook?” he asked her and she heard the surprise in his voice. 

Zahra let out a snort. “Yes, I can cook,” she retorted. “What did you think I was doing this whole time in the cottage? Twiddling my thumbs?” 

He shrugged. “Honestly, I had no idea what you were up to,” he told her truthfully.  “I thought you were as useless as Elain and Nesta were at that point,” he admitted.

“Nesta did all the cleaning and hacked the wook,” Zara corrected him quietly. “Elain mended. I cooked. Feyre was the only one who hunted. And yes, we should have done more, but I did help run the household. The only one who never helped was our father.” The bitterness bled into her voice at that. 

There was a long pause after her admission. Then Azriel exhaled. “I guess I shouldn’t be as surprised as I am,” he muttered. “You don’t strike me as a pampered useless damsel.” 

“Thank you for that assessment, Shadowsinger,” she quipped back. “I will make sure to remember it when I need a pick-me-up.” 

He put a sack of potatoes in front of her. “I take it I’m peeling potatoes,” Zahra murmured, staring at the sack that was in front of her.

“Yes,” Azriel confirmed in that no-nonsense voice of his. “While I prep the meat. I do hope you like rabbit,” he added drily.

“Oh good,” she muttered, grabbing a knife and started to peel away at the potatoes. “Did you hunt it?”

“Yes,” he confirmed, his voice neutral. Zahra bit back a snarky remark and focused on the potatoes. 

They worked like that in silence. Him preparing the meat, her peeling the potatoes and the carrots.

It was odd. This whole thing was odd. Sitting and cooking with Azriel. She hadn’t even known he could cook. 

And yet…it was comfortable. Like the silence wasn’t awkward and neither of them felt the need to break it. It was a comfortable domestic kind of silence. Like they had done this a thousand times before. 

“How are you with spicy food?” Azriel asked her after he had taken the potatoes from her. 

Zahra blinked in surprise. “I have a pretty good tolerance, why?” she asked, curious. 

“All the food I can cook is Illyrian,” Azriel answered drily. “I learned from Rhys’ mother and later from my own. It’s spicy.”

“I can handle a bit of spice,” she assured him. “It should be fine.” He nodded in response. 

The sound of the fire crackling in the stove and him stirring up the meat were the only sounds filling the kitchen as they continued their work. 

Zahra honestly had no idea Azriel could cook. He didn’t seem like the type of male who spent time cooped up in the kitchen, making meals. It was a little surprising. 

And yet, the scents of spices and rabbit were filling her kitchen right now... It smelled almost heavenly. 

She hadn’t smelled something as heavenly in a long time. And her stomach growled in response to the delicious scents of food. Zahra tried to remember when she’d last eaten something actually decent, but she couldn’t think straight. The food was distracting her.

“You look half starved,” Azriel observed in a deadpanned tone and she snapped her head up only to find him looking at her. 

His eyes were focused on her, a frown playing on his forehead. “When was the last time you actually ate something properly?” he asked her, his voice firm. 

She averted her gaze. “I don’t know,” she muttered, looking away from him and to the pot bubbling on the stove. “Maybe a week ago?” 

He was silent for a moment. “That long?” he asked her, his voice carefully neutral. She just shrugged in response to keep herself from admitting that she actually couldn’t remember exactly. 

He poured hot, thick stew into a bowl for her and then put it in front of her, holding out cutlery for her to take. “Why are you doing this?” Zahra asked him weakly.

“Because I wish somehow had done it for me,” Azriel responded

That simple statement made her blink in surprise. It was not an answer she had been expecting. She bit her lip, not really sure what to say. 

And then he simply said. “Eat. You look like you’d blow away at the slightest breeze.”

She should have been angered by that blunt statement, but somehow she wasn’t. 

So Zahra ate.

The food tasted incredibly good. She had to admit that the Shadowsinger was talented with cooking. The food was spiced just perfectly, hot and filled with flavour. 

Every bite made her realize just how incredibly hungry she was. Her stomach filled slowly and the hunger abated with every spoonful. It was like her insides started to come back to life. The numbness was slowly disappearing, replaced by an odd sort of warmth flowing through her limbs. 

"Thank you," she finally said weakly.

Azriel just nodded at her, watching her eat. “Of course,” he murmured and continued with his own food. 

[romanticatheartt]

I mean at this point, it's inevitable even for me who has filtered, unfollowed and is staying away from the dramas that's happening in this fandom, to not know what's going on even if it's vaguely.

But I noticed one thing from this whole situation. And that's how every week ever since acosf there's a new theory from that side of the fandom...

Even tho I wasn't here since 2021 I've seen people's theories from then and what's clear to me is Gwynriel's and Elucien's theories never changes. They're solid, they're based on the text and they don't need to make thing up.

All I'm saying is even their prediction for hofas mostly came true... And that's all I have to say :)

[parkerslatte]

Uncertain Bonds

Azriel x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: none

Summary: While posing as a couple at a high end event on a small kingdom the Night Court is supposed to make an alliance with, Y/N and Azriel uncover some shady business and need to act quickly to avoid getting caught.

Prompt(s): 4.Pretending to be in a relationship for a mission/ event. 31. "They're looking. Kiss me now." 16. Character A pushes B against a wall to kiss them. 29. “Do you think they bought the act?" "While I kissed you down your throat? They definitely did, honey."

A Court of Thorns and Roses Masterlist

•••

Azriel took a glass of wine from the serving table and brought it to his lips. He never took a sip as he surveyed the room. Everyone was dressed in extravagant gowns and danced around the room happily. So far, nothing seemed to be amiss. 

“You do realise that standing in a dark corner staring at people intensely may be a cause for concern, right?” Y/N said, sauntering up to Azriel. 

As he turned to look at her, Azriel felt himself become weak at the knees as he took her in. The dress she wore was one he has seen a couple of times before. She mainly wore it to Starfall or some other event. Though Azriel remembered her wearing it the day she bought it. That was the day the mating bond snapped for him. And it was the day he began to avoid Y/N. 

At first his avoidance wasn’t intentional. The first time he excused himself from her was just after the bond snapped and he was dealing with the shock of finding his mate. Someone he never thought he would find; he had never expected to find his mate within his best friend, the one he had loved for centuries. Everything overwhelmed him and the more he felt the bond, the more he unintentionally avoided Y/N. 

Up until he was asked to join her on her mission. 

“You know this isn’t the usual work I do,” Azriel said, taking a sip of his wine. Normally he would never drink while doing a job, but he couldn’t help himself. He needed it to help him relax in Y/N’s presence. 

“I know that, my love, but you need to relax tonight,” Y/N said, stepping closer to him, gently taking the glass of wine from his grasp. “Loosen up a little.”

Y/N took a sip before placing the glass down on the nearby table. She leaned up to whisper in Azriel’s ear. “If you don’t relax, people will begin to suspect.”

Y/N’s scent sent Azriel’s senses into overdrive as her perfume seemed to surround him. There was a small voice in the back of his mind telling him to wrap her up and take her right there in front of everyone, claim her as his own. Azriel knew that it was just the bond talking— the desire talking— but the image did cross his mind. 

Before Azriel even had the chance to say anything, Y/N pulled away and took Azriel’s hand in hers. “Now come and dance with your wife.” 

Oh, how Azriel wished that were true. 

Y/N led him onto the dance floor and positioned their arms herself. Azriel remained rigid as people surrounding them stared for a moment too long. Of course they did. After all, Azriel was the only one in the whole building who had a pair of wings sprouting from his back. 

Y/N giggled at Azriel’s rigid position. “You can relax a little more than that, Az.”

“I can’t,” Azriel replied. “We aren’t here to dance. We are here to do a job.”

A small frown appeared on Y/N’s face for a brief moment but it was gone and quickly replaced by an easy smile. “This is my job, Azriel.” Y/N began to slowly lead the dance. Azriel followed in step, though not as graceful as Y/N. “I don’t keep to the shadows and watch. I get involved and listen.”

“That is not how I do things,” Azriel replied

“No it’s not,” Y/N said. “But this is my mission, not yours. I am in charge.”

Azriel sighed. “I know. I don’t like feeling so exposed.”

Instead of the forced smile, Azriel saw that it was replaced by a small genuine smile. He felt his heart skip a beat. “I know,” she replied. “But you know that if anything were to go wrong, I will have your back and I know that you will have mine. That is the way it has always been.”

“And it always will be,” Azriel finished. 

Y/N’s eyes lit up and her grip tightened on him as they spun around the ballroom. “What happened to us, Az?”

Azriel frowned. “I’m not sure what you mean?”

For a split second, Y/N looked down at the floor between them and stumbled over her feet. Azriel quickly stopped and steadied her. 

“Perhaps your little girlfriend there should lay off of the wine,” a woman near the sneered as Y/N gently knocked into her. 

Azriel growled in her direction. The woman backed away quickly. 

“Az,” Y/N said, gaining his attention again. “Let us go to the side of the ballroom, perhaps it will be better for us.”

Azriel wrapped an arm around her waist and walked with her to the side of the ballroom, standing near another couple talking quietly to one another. As they neared them, the couple looked at the two as if studying both Y/N and Azriel. 

Azriel simply ignored them. 

“What I meant by my words, Az, was why haven’t we been as close over the past year? You have barely even looked in my direction and when we are alone you always find an excuse to cut out conversation short. You were meant to be my best friend, you seem to not want that anymore.”

No. Azriel didn’t want to be best friends anymore. He wanted so much more than that. He wanted to love Y/N freely. He wanted to kiss her. To hug her. To be with her every waking moment of the day. He was made to be with her. He wanted to be her mate. He wanted to be her husband. The ring on his finger used to keep up appearance felt so foreign but felt so right. The pair to it on Y/N’s finger. Azriel only wished it was real. 

All he wanted was her, but he couldn’t express that to her. 

“I do want that,” Azriel said. “I will always want that.”

“Then why have you been avoiding me?” Y/N questioned. “You even asked if Cassian could come on this mission instead.”

Azriel sighed and looked around the room. “Look, Y/N I will tell you—“

Azriel cut himself off as he noticed the couple they had stood next to secretly slip out of the room and through the servants passage. “That couple is gone.”

“You think there’s a possibility that they are who we’re after?” Y/N asked, suddenly switching to her professional mindset. 

“We were told that they were young,” Azriel said. “So far they seem like the ones who fit the description the most.” 

“Let me slip out first,” Y/N said. “Follow me after.”

As Y/N went to walk away, Azriel gently took her hand in his. “Be careful,” he said. 

Y/N offered him a small smile. “I always am.”

Y/N slipped away and Azriel watched her, sending a shadow to wrap around her arm to keep an eye on her. Even though he was going to catch up to her quite soon, he wanted a piece of him with her to make sure she would be okay. 

Y/N slipped out and Azrie remained by the wall for a few moments longer. No one else in the entire room seemed to pay any attention. Azriel slowly made his way out into the servants passage. Still there was no one looking his way. Azriel slipped into the passage. 

It was dimmer in the passage but the moment Azriel’s eyes found Y/N, his heart yearned for her. In the dim lighting, she seemed to shine as the light hit her jewellery and dress. She was the most beautiful being he had ever seen. She looked ethereal. 

“Az,” Y/N whispered. “They didn’t go too far. Come on.”

Azriel and Y/N walk a little further down the passage until they turn a corner. The passage opened up to the main hall just off from the ballroom. 

“They went through the door there,” Y/N whispered. 

The two stood just outside of the door, just about hearing what the two were discussing inside. 

“The funds are paid in full,” the female said. “There shouldn’t be a problem sending them though now.”

The male seemed to sigh. “Do you know how long I have waited for those funds? Do you know how long I have been lying to my father because you didn’t do your job properly and allowed someone to get away with the entire kingdom’s fortune.”

“These things take time!” The female exclaimed. “I had a hard time trying to track down the one who stole from you father.”

“Eight months,” the male replied. “It took you eight months. My father needed those funds. That court in Prythian has been questioning where all of their trade deals are. Do you know how much my father had lied because of what you did? He’s afraid it will cause a war and you know that we do not have the army to back us up. We barely have the funds because of you.”

“I’m sorry!” The female cried. 

“I take it we found the reason why all of the trade has stopped suddenly,” Y/N whispered. 

“But can we get back to where we were before all of this happened?” The female begged. “I love you!”

The male didn’t reply. “I don’t think that is a possibility. You have betrayed my father therefore you have betrayed me. You are lucky I am not banishing you for what you did.”

“Please!” The female cried. 

“No,” the male replied. “Anything that was between us is over. I will tell my father the truth of what happened and that he can now send his trade deals again. Be lucky that the court in Prythian decided not to send anyone here. You know their reputation.”

Footsteps approached the door and Azriel and Y/N began to panic. There was nowhere to hide. Azriel frantically looked around the hall and there was a small alcove. He wrapped his arm around Y/N’s waist and pulled her into it. Her back pressed tightly against his front. 

Azriel could feel all of her pressing against him. Her soft skin against his. The scent of her shampoo wafting up to his nose. The slope of her neck enticing Azriel to press his lips against it. 

The door opened and two footsteps came out onto the stone floor. Y/N held her breath and pressed her body further into Azriel’s. As she did so, her hand accidentally brushed the sensitive skin of his wing. Azriel jerked. 

A small vase to the side of Azriel fell from the ornate stone podium it sat on, cracking on the floor.

Everything stilled. 

“Who's there?” The male asked. 

Y/N turned around to look at Azriel, her eyes wide in panic. 

“I know your there,” the male said and Azriel realised that he had caught sight of the edge of his wings. 

Y/N, seemingly realising the same thing as Azriel whispered; “They’re looking. Kiss me now.”

“What?” Azriel whispered. He knew exactly what Y/N and said but he needed that second confirmation. 

“Kiss me,” Y/N said. 

Not wasting a moment longer, Azriel surged forward and pressed his lips against Y/N’s. They were just as he imagined. Soft, slightly sticky from her lip gloss, but Azriel didn’t care. He needed more. 

He spun the two around and pressed her against the wall kissing her even harder. Pressing his body against hers. His hand pressed between the wall and her head to not harm her. 

Y/N’s hands tangled in his hair, pulling at the strands. Azriel couldn’t help but moan deeply. Y/N only smiled against his lips. 

Azriel couldn’t get enough of her feel. He wished he could stay like this for eternity. He pulled away slightly. “Jump.”

Y/N did as he commanded and jumped up to wrap her legs around his hips. The slit in her dress made it easy. His hand found her thigh and squeezed it tightly before moving to her ass and it remained there. 

Azriel pressed his lips against hers, feeling himself harden in his trousers. The need to have her had taken over. 

His lips left Y/N’s lips and trailed down her neck, slightly nibbling the sensitive skin. 

“Az…” Y/N whined. 

Her hips seemed to move as she gained more friction. 

“You are so fucking beautiful,” Azriel panted against her skin, placing open Luther kisses against the base of her throat. 

Azriel gripped her hair and pulled her head back, allowing him more access. Y/N only pulled on him in return. Azriel smirked against her neck. 

In their lust filled haze, Azriel and Y/N forgot about the two figures standing just behind them. The male cleared his throat. 

“Excuse me?” The male spoke up. 

Azriel felt as if he were doused in cold water as he pulled away from Y/N’s neck to look over his shoulder. 

“What?” Azrie growled, annoyed that he was interrupted. 

The female’s face was bright red as she looked between Y/N and Azriel. 

“I will return to the ballroom,” the female said, clearly flustered. She left rather quickly. 

The male remained, his eyes narrowed. 

Y/N smirked. “You can join us if you want? Sometimes it takes more than one male to satisfy me.”

Azriel’s hand squeezed Y/N’s ass possessively as the male simply scoffs and walks away. Neither Azriel nor Y/N moved until they were sure they were alone. 

“Do you think they bought the act?” Y/N asked. 

“When I kissed you down your throat? They definitely did, honey,” Azriel replied. 

Y/N laughed. “Back with the pet names? Perhaps I have my best friend back after all.”

Azriel smiled before it fell away. Best friend. What they just did was not what best friends do. But like Y/N said— it was just an act. 

 “Would you mind letting me down?” Y/N asked. 

“Oh,” Azriel said. “Of course.”

Y/N’s legs unwrapped from Azriel’s hips and he helped her to the floor. Her hands lingered for a brief moment but Azriel thought they imagined it. 

“Well we have our information now,” Y/N said. “Looks like there was nothing nefarious going on. Just someone not doing their job properly.”

“I don’t understand why the king didn’t write to Rhys,” Azriel said. “He would and helped.”

“Yes but a king admitting his fortune was stolen can cause a dent in his ego,” Y/N replied. “Looks like we are not needed here anymore.”

“Seems like it,” Azriel replied, a sense of disappointment washing over him at the fact that the fake rings on their fingers would be taken off the moment they returned home. 

“We paid for the room in the city for another two nights,” Y/N said. “It would be a shame if the money would go to waste. We could perhaps stay a little longer. Make a small holiday out of it.”

“But we need to report this to Rhys,” Azriel said. 

The disappointment was apparent on Y/N’s face. “You’re right. We should just pack and get back home.”

As she turned to walk down the hall, Azriel took her arm. “Or maybe we can stay for the extra two nights. We haven’t had a chance to look around yet.”

Y/N’s face lit up. “Are you being serious?”

Azriel smiled. He couldn’t help it, her joy was infectious. “Deadly.”

***

It was late at night and Azriel laid in his bed looking at the ceiling. Y/N was sitting by the fireplace reading a book. The room they had book was the last one available at the inn. And with only one bed it was even more of a predicament. 

For the two nights they had been here already, Y/N had slept in the armchair by the fire. Azriel had offered but he simply couldn’t get comfortable with his wings. Guiltily, he had taken the bed. And even then, the bed was simply too small. 

Azriel sat up and looked at Y/N. Her hair was simply tied back and hung down her back and her face was devoid of the gold makeup she had worn earlier in the day. She was wearing simple sleepwear and slippers on her feet. Even if she was beautiful back at the ballroom, she was even more beautiful now. 

Since they had returned to the inn, Azriel couldn’t stop thinking about their kiss in the hall. If they hadn’t been interrupted, what would have happened? Would he have told Y/N that he was her mate? Would he have confessed his love for her? Azriel wasn’t sure but he was sure that Y/N had enjoyed what had happened. 

He didn’t mention it to her but he could smell her arousal the whole time when they retired to the inn. The scent had gotten fainter as the night progressed but it still lingered in the air. 

Y/N turned the page as Azriel stood up from the bed. “I’m taking a walk.”

“Avoiding me again,” Y/N said. 

“What?” Azriel asked. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Y/N said. “I was only joking.”

The comment might have been a joke to Y/N but to Azriel it wasn’t. He was avoiding her. And he was avoiding his own feelings. Perhaps he should come clean. But there was that possibility that she would reject him. Azriel wasn’t sure he would be able to survive that. 

“Az, you were going for a—“

“I love you,” Azriel confessed and felt a large weight lift from his shoulders. 

Y/N laughed a little. “You don’t need to pretend right now. No one is here to see.”

“I’m not pretending, Y/N,” Azriel said. “I love you. I am in love with you.”

Y/N frowned and Azriel dreaded her response. This was the moment she rejected him. 

“Are you being serious, Az?” Y/N asked

“I am,” Azriel said. “I have been in love with you since the moment I met you, Y/N. That kiss earlier. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Feeling you pressed so close to me. Feeling your lips against mine. Hearing you moan my name. It is the only thing that has been on my mind since we left the palace. I don’t think I can keep my feelings a secret anymore.”

“Az,” Y/N began and Azrie prepared himself for the worst. 

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it either,” Y/N admitted. “I’ve been sitting here reading for over an hour and I have managed about three pages. I cannot concentrate on anything that isn’t you.”

Azriel held onto that small bit of hope within him. “Why do you keep thinking about it?”

Y/N sighed, though it sounded happy. “I can’t stop thinking about it because I have been hoping to kiss you for many years now.”

“What?”

Y/N giggled and it was music to Azriel’s ears. “Your feelings are not one sided, Azriel.”

“Please say what you mean, Y/N. I need to hear it,” Azriel said, his voice breathless. 

“I love you, Az,” Y/N admitted. “I just never thought you returned those feelings because I believed you to be in love with Mor.”

Azriel let out a sigh of relief. “I stopped loving Mor centuries ago. In fact ever since you walked into my life I haven’t even thought about Mor at all. You are constantly on my mind, Y/N. You have a home in my mind and I can never rid myself of you even if I wanted to.”

“Why did you never tell me?” Y/N asked, standing from the settee and walking over to Azriel. “Why have you been avoiding me this past year?” Y/N gently caressed his cheek. 

“I never thought you were in love with me, I didn’t want to force my feelings upon you if you didn’t feel the same. I would rather be friends than lose you completely,” Azriel said. 

“But that doesn’t explain why you avoided me.” 

Azriel leaned into Y/N’s touch. Placing his hand over the one that resided on his cheek, pressing a soft kiss to her palm. “Feel it, Y/N. Allow yourself to feel it. Open yourself up to it.”

Y/N closed her eyes and it wasn’t long before Azriel felt a warmth flood his body. Y/N’s eyes snapped open, shock resided within them. 

“You’re my mate?” Y/N said. 

“Yes I am,” Azriel said. “The reason why I avoided you was because the bond snapped for me a year ago. I never thought I had a mate. I’ve been alive for centuries and I’d given up hope. But when it snapped for you, I was overwhelmed by it. At first I was happy but I didn’t think you returned my feelings so that is why I began to avoid you. I was always overwhelmed by you. Your scent. Your laugh. Your touch. I would have never been able to control myself. I never wanted to force my feelings upon you if you didn’t return them and I didn’t want you to only develop them because of the bond. If your ever loved me, I only wanted you to fall for me naturally.”

Y/N’s eyes softened. “And I did.” 

Azriel smiled. “And I am glad you did.”

“Az,” Y/N said. “Please just kiss me. I need to feel you again.”

Azriel took no time and pressed his lips against hers. It started out gentle but soon the hunger and the pull of the bond changed it into something different. Something feral. 

Y/N backed Azriel up to the bed and as he sat, she straddled his hips, pressing her core against him. Azriel groaned into her mouth. 

“Perhaps,” Y/N said, panting, “we should invite that male to join us.”

Azriel growled and flipped their positions. Y/N now spread out on the bed below him, her hair fanned out on the pillow. 

“You’re mine,” Azriel said, kissing across her jaw. 

“Good, I don’t want to be anyone else’s.”

[thecowinblack]

Burning Hearts pt.3

Moodboard Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4

Word count: 1345

Summary: A dramatic High Lord/Lady meeting and a confrontational conversation between you and the Night Court.

⚠️Warnings: Drama lol, some against, a little fluff, makeouting, swearing, mentions to cheating, mentions about sex.

An: Well this part is filled with drama and if you've wondered about yn powers well this is your part...

“Hello big brother” You said as the Night Court arrived into the meeting room. Rhysand and a very pregnant Fayre, stood with shocked expressions, meaning that they’d overheard the conversation that you’d just had. Behind them you could see Cassian's broad frame tower and next to him, next to him was Azriel. Morrigan, Amren and Nesta seemed to stand behind them trying to get a good look at the drama unfolding right before them. But with Amren's height it was a miracle that I even could make out the top of her head.The look on his face was just plain sadness and envy, envy as he stared at the many parts where yours and Eris's bodies met. Shadows started to flood the floor as the cavalry from your home court stepped out of the large entrance to the room.

“Y/n/n please tell me that it's all a joke, you can't be Autumn's High Lady!” Rhysand asked you pleadingly.

“So what if I am? Let me get this clear. I am never ever going back to the Night Court. Not after what you all did, what you did.” You said looking accusingly at Azriel.

“Sweetheart I never meant to hurt you, Elain just needed some distraction but you are the one I love, you're my mate!” Azriel told me as he stepped forward and in the same moment Eris's hand flew out to stop him.

“If you take one more step towards her I will burn you to death.” Eris murmured to him, marking every word. “She's my mate! Not yours, she belongs with me! Elain was just a dumb mistake!” Azriel screamed at Eris as Rhysand held him back. “I stopped being yours the moment you cheated on me, and don't you dare to lay all this on Elain. She wasn't in a good phase back then, and we all know it.” You told Azriel. Behind you Helion coughed, symbolizing that the others had arrived. As you turned your back you felt someones hand on your arm, Nesta. The two of you had grown closer after the war. You would often sit in the library together, just reading.

“I'm so, so sorry Y/n. I shouldn’t-” She whispered to you. “Don't, you didn't have anything to do with it. If anything you really helped me, if you someday want a place to just run away to for a while you'll always be welcome in my court.” You told her warmly.

Once you and Eris had gotten seated you could feel the gazes the other High Lords threw at you. And you got it, you’d been your brother's right hand and now, now you were Autumn's High Lady, and everyone knew that the Autumn court and the Night Court didn't have the best relationship…

“So how's Autumn doing now that Beron’s gone? Are your people happy with their new High Lady?” Tarquin asked Eris. “Quite well. My father definitely wasn't the best of High Lords so there's much to do and many things to change but I'm lucky Y/N has been of great help and our people love her, but I mean who wouldn’t. We're currently very open to allies” Eris calmly answered the young High Lord. “Why would we trust you? Like father, like son.” Taunted Rhysand.

“Eris is nothing like Beron and the fact you suggest otherwise when I, your own sister, is married to him, really fucking shows how low you think of me, and of him. Eris is by far the best male I have ever met.” You told Rhysand, quickly erasing that smug smile off his face. You could feel Eris's affectionate stare resting at your face and you placed your hand in his and he firmly held on, almost like he thought you would disappear if he let go of you.

When the meeting was over you and Eris got shown to your quarters, a beautiful ensemble of rooms with marble floors and large windows. Eris quickly sat down at the couch dragging you down in his lap.

“Thank you, thank you for standing up for me.” He mumbled between the sweet kisses he pressed to your neck.

“Always, Eris, Always.” You gasped.

Suddenly a knock on the door interrupted the two of you.

“I'm going to kill whoever's behind that door. ” Eris murmured, his hair a mess. You chuckled quickly and said: “It might be a possible ally so I suggest that you don't.” Eris just rolled his eyes but a large smile was plastered on his face. “One minute just let me-” You said, fixing Eris's hair. “Thanks love!” he said sweetly, pressing a kiss to your cheek. Then he opened the door to reveal… Tarquin.

“I hope I'm not bothering you but I would like to discuss an alliance between our courts.” He told the two of you. You and Eris exchanged a surprised look, Tarquin had been a proud ally of Rhysand since the war against Hybern. “Come on in.” You said nicely. The three of you sat down at a low table. You quickly noticed that the rest of the Summer Court was missing.

“Your visions for your court align with mine on a level no other court does. We have been taking in emigrants from the Spring Court for a while and I'm guessing that you have done the same.” He paused and you nodded in agreement. “I want to create a place for them where before we have established them, they can live and be with friends and family. Would the two of you be interested in this?” he asked you.

“Definitely.” Eris said.

The rest of the evening went on smoothly for you and Eris. After Tarquin left you were visited by the Day Court and the Winter court, both interested in an alliance. When you and Eris went to bed smiles were painting your faces and you fell asleep in his arms.

__________________________________

You woke up quite early and decided to go down to the dining room, getting breakfast. You had left a note to Eris, in case you got stuck talking to someone. When you walked into the room you could see the whole Night Court sitting and talking to each other. Aside from them the room was completely empty. Suddenly you felt someone's arms around you, Morrigan. You quickly pushed her away, starting to walk out when you saw two males get in the way, cowering at the entrance.

“Y/n we need to talk.” Rhysand said. “Please just let us explain.” Cassian begged you. The pleading in his eyes was the only thing that made you stay. Cass was like a brother to you. “Fine. What do you want?” You asked them. “Your power, no one but me is able to keep them in shack.” Rhysand said “You need us and we need you.” A scoff unleashed from you. “So this is what it's all about, you want my powers under your control. Well guess what, no. I don't need you. My powers work perfectly without you and your help. I was blessed by the Mother herself. I deserve them and I'm going to use them to help my court, The Autumn Court.” You said as you walked out of the room, going to one of the many balconies in the castle.

Starting out into the ocean made your thoughts wave over you. What are your powers really? You knew that you had Rhysand’s ability but you could also create things from nothing. You could heal people and under the war against Hybern you had felt the cauldron. That was when you realized it. Why you didn't look like your brother at all with your long white hair And clear blue eyes. And why you weren't born with wings like him. Maybe the Mother herself sent down the explanation because you sure as hell wouldn't have realized it without help. You weren't his sister at all. No you weren't even your parents real daughter. You were created by the Mother. You were the Daughter…

Author's note: hehe

Taglist: @queerqueenlynn @se7enteen--black-blog @@mybestfriendmademe @cleverzonkwombatsludge @myromanempiree

[moonlitstoriess]

Across the Universe- ch.15 (Fenrys x Reader)

Summary: Y/n has everything she needs in life. A family, friends, a safe place she calls home and most importantly a male whom she loves. What happens when it all changes when Y/n finds out about the betrayal of her lover and her so called family? Well, ending up in Terrasen and in queen Aelin's court was not what she expected but what she will need to start her new journey full of surprises.

Warnings: Sexual themes but no full smut

See masterlist

This was new for her. She never felt like this before. She never was treated like this before.

Like she was a very delicate statue that would break the second it falls.

While Azriel knew her inside and out, her weaknesses, her traumas and nightmares, her insecurities, he still never treated her this way.

He never treated her like Fenrys did.

Unlike Azriel, Fenrys doesn't know her ugly past. She would rather be eaten by a Middengard Wyrm than ever unravel her past and scare him off, shattering her heart for a second time in the process.

While Az listened to her troubles, he never truly comforted her, or fully listened, brushing them under the rug and simply telling her 'it is in the past now'. And after all that happened between them, she realizes now how he never loved her enough to care. Because he was never even the one with whom she was destined to be.

But Fenrys.....not only did he hug her tightly, bringing her to his chest, on the floor, but he also listened to whatever she would say with his complete undivided attention. Whenever she would stop or say 'sorry' for talking too much, he would reassure her and then ask questions related to what she said.

She told him about her mistreatment, about how broken she truly was, about how she was still so traumatised over things that happened so long ago that she couldn't move on. She complained about herself, her scars, her unfortunate life, constantly dodging or avoiding his questions about what exactly happened to her, who caused her the wounds and scars, who took away her happiness.

She wouldn't tell him. She couldn't. He would be afraid of her, be disgusted with her.

But then when he would kiss her head and cheeks constantly, reassuring her that it was her insecurity talking, that she was so strong and brave, beautiful and delicate, y/n thought that maybe he wouldn't leave her like everyone else did.

The rest....the rest she does not remember. She only remembers falling asleep mid-ranting right the on the floor, curled up in Fenrys' chest. And now, waking up in her bed, well-rested and alone, y/n felt a warm, comforting feeling envelop her at the thought of him bringing her over to the bed and tucking her in. But she also felt cold and sad at him leaving and not staying by her side.

Maybe, having a mate isn't so bad after all-

Would she accept the bond though? She had to make a decision. She wouldn't be like Elain and drag Fenrys on without giving him an answer.

And she knew her answer. It was clear.

With that decision in mind, y/n climbed off the bed and went towards her wardrobe, changing into something more flexible and comfortable before doing some more touch-ups and leaving. It was definitely later than her usual training time, so y/n went straight to the library to read something.

But on her way, she heard noises. Multiple of them, in fact, coming straight from the sitting room. Curiosity peaked, y/n turned and headed straight towards the area, the noises getting louder and louder with each step she took.

When she opened the door, y/n was met with five different faces, all gathered around the table, all now looking straight at her. Yrene was pointing at the books in front of them, Chaol just standing by his wifes side and listening, Aelin and Rowan stood on the other side of the table while Fenrys stood closer to the healer, clearly from the look on his face, listening carefully to her.

Aelin spoke first, her face breaking into a smile as she said, "Good morning, y/n. We have wonderful news."

"Yrene deciphered both books and found a way for you to go home after closing the gates." Chaol pointed at his wife, causing her to give y/n a small smile. Rowan was just nodding along, looking at y/n as if he was waiting on her next move.

Fenrys on the other hand, seemed quite unhappy. Actually, unhappy would be an understatement. He looked straight at her with millions of emotions swirling in his eyes, none of them good, all of them seemingly of despair.

Oh, no. This was really happening. Why? Dread filled her body, both her mind and heart agreeing for once that she shouldn't leave this place.

Y/n took a quick, steadying breath, managed to pull her eyes away from Fenrys, and came closer towards the table. "Really? How? What?"

Aelin's smile widened at y/n's eager questions. "Yrene found a spell in the books that can be used to reopen the gates temporarily. It requires a lot of power and precise timing, but it's possible."

Yrene spoke next. "Yes, the spell essentially creates a bridge between the worlds for a short period. During that time, you should be able to cross back to your own realm."

Chaol added, "We've been discussing the logistics, we believe we can manage to synchronize the spell with the closing of the gates."

Rowan nodded in agreement. "It's risky, but it's our best chance."

Why did her stomach drop? Why were none of her current emotions happy? She was going home! Why wasn't she happy?

She tried to keep her voice from shaking and asked, "When do we do it?"

"Both the Book of Breathings and the book we found in the library align in their predictions regarding the time," Yrene began, her voice measured. "The gates will be most stable and receptive during the upcoming lunar eclipse, which is in three days' time."

Rowan stepped forward, his voice low and steady. "During the eclipse, the gates will naturally weaken. That's our window of opportunity. We'll synchronize the opening with the peak of the eclipse, and then stabilize it long enough for you to cross."

"Of course not all of us will be with you," Aelin said, before looking at her mate, "Half of us will be heading to wherever the Valgs were, to hopefully kill them but not before finding out how they are still alive. I have a theory regarding on how to end them completely."

Turning to Yrene, who was studying her with a reassuring look, y/n asked, "Yrene, could you explain how I might use my powers to help with opening and closing the gates?"

Yrene nodded thoughtfully, adjusting her posture to face y/n more directly. "Certainly. The spell we've uncovered requires a conduit of power to stabilize and synchronize the gates' opening and closing. Your unique abilities, y/n, could serve as that conduit."

Y/n listened attentively, absorbing Yrene's explanation. "So, my role would be to channel my energy into the spell to maintain the connection long enough for me to cross back?"

Yrene smiled encouragingly. "Exactly. Your powers resonate with the magic of the gates. With proper guidance and preparation, you can help stabilize the spell during the transition."

Chaol stepped forward, his expression serious yet supportive. "We'll need to train and prepare thoroughly. The timing and precision will be crucial."

This was truly happening, then.

"So, my powers are strong enough to not only take me back to my world but to ensure the gates are closed forever?"

Yrene nodded her head. "Yes, your powers are ancient not to mention how you carry the blood of two different beings from two different worlds within you."

Y/n slowly nodded her head, taking all the unfortunate news in. Actually, the news weren't unfortunate. They would finally get rid of the valg forever and close the gates completely. The only part that is horrible is that she will also have to leave and with the gates closed, never return back here.

Never see Fenrys again.

Aelin nodded her head before clapping her hands together, "Well, y/n dearest, me, Yrene and Dorian will be waiting for you in the afternoon at the royal gardens. We have to start your training."

Y/n didn't say anything, her eyes trained on the books, but the queen took that as a 'yes' and headed towards the door after patting her on the shoulder, followed by Rowan.

"Well, I have to go put the books back in the room, love, help me please, this one is quite heavy." Yrene handed one of the books towards her husband who took it with one hand while holding his wife's waist with the other as they left the room as well.

Y/n, however, didn't move. She couldn't. Her brain was filled with all kinds of thoughts and calculations, dread filling her more and more with each minute that passed by.

All of a sudden, she felt a large hand take hers, holding it tightly. Y/n looked to her side to see Fenrys also staring at the book, not saying anything. And before she could stop herself, as if the Mother herself willed it, y/n's mouth moved on it's own accord, whispering, "I don't want to leave."

She felt his hold on her hand tighten as Fenrys took in a sharp breath before saying, "Me neither."

As if on cue, they both turned to fully look at each other, hands still locked, and said at the same time,

"Y/n-"

"Fenrys-"

She stopped herself from spilling anything out and said, "You first."

Fenrys smiled. "No, you."

She chuckled but shook her head, "You."

He smiled once more before asking her, "What will happen to us? Have you made a decision? Are we- well- I- if you accept the bond, will you still leave me?"

She looked at his eyes, her expression unreadable. "Do you accept it? Do you want me?"

Fenrys came closer, standing chest to chest with her, his expression suddenly turning serious as he said, "Do I want you? Gods, y/n, I want you like I have never wanted anyone else before. I would accept the bond in the blink of an eye but-"

"But?"

"But I need to know how you feel about it first. I need you to want this as well."

She shook her head slightly, looking down, her expression solemn. "Fenrys, but I am leaving-"

"But you don't have to. You don't have to leave, y/n. We are mates, and if you accept it as well, we can be together. You can just shut off the gates and we will end the valg but you don't have to leave, it's not a must."

She sighed, "I don't know Fen, after all that happened to me, I am scared of the whole mate situation. Azriel truly scarred me for life."

He lifted his hand so that his knuckles gently grazed her cheek as Fenrys said, his eyes full of determination, "I am nothing like Azriel, y/n. I would never treat anyone that way let alone my own mate. I- I would never hurt you-"

She smiled and leaned closer to him, "I know, Fen, believe me I know. But....love? I- I don't think I love you right now. I feel something towards you, yes. Like, care, adoration, protectiveness but love? I don't think I am there yet."

He gave her a soft smile and said, "It's hard for me too, princess. But with time, can't we learn to love? We can heal together, y/n. Your presence alone has healed me so much. Whenever I am with you, I feel at peace, like no nightmare can reach me. Your touch grounds me."

Her heart was about to burst with emotions y/n thought she had buried. Oh, Cauldron boil her, Fenrys was making this very hard.

She put her head on his chest, smelling his scent that was so...him before saying softly, "We can try, the lunar eclipse is in three days right? We can try to see how it goes between us in these three days first. And if we accept the bond, then what?"

She felt his arms wrap around her, tightly holding her body close to him, "If we accept the bond, then we will have a lifetime to get to know each other more. To be with one another, to love one another."

She gave him a contented sigh, "Yes....that sounds like a good idea."

"Hopefully, one that will come true."

Despair has never been an emotion that Fenrys felt. He was never desperate for anything in his lifetime because he never had anything to lose.

Now he did.

Her.

He was desperate for her not to leave. If y/n left, he would lose her. And he isn't telling this just because she is his mate. No, Fenrys has grown used to her presence and even rely on it. Y/n understands him like no one else. She is always ready to listen and support him in whatever he says or does. Seeing her, touching her, smelling her scent, all confirm to him that she is alive, well and beside him, where she belongs.

Fenrys did contemplate the idea of also going back to Prythian with her but, that isn't his world. That isn't his place. And although Fenrys would never say no to a chance of putting the inner circle and especially Azriel in their places, he still can not live in such a foreign place forever.

Thinking of her going back to her world, back to her usual life, moving on, brings him so much pain and sorrow. And then thinking of her finding someone else, settling down with them and giving her love to them makes him go mad.

He was so hopeful that she wouldn't leave, that she would stay with him. So what they barely know one another? They are mates. And both clearly feel something for one another. They would have a lifetime to know one another more. To be with one another.

The only hope he has is that she thinks the same and chooses hi-

"Fenrys!! Slow down, will you? You are about to break my nose!"

Fenrys stopped his punching, breathing heavily as he pushed aside the thoughts he was temporarily lost in. Lorcan was already on the ground, panting heavily and looking at him with furrowed eyebrows.

Fenrys held his hand out for the man to take and then heaved him upwards to stand. Lorcan was still breathing heavily when he asked after a moment, "What is happening? You seemed to be deep in thought back there, all of a sudden lunging for me like I am a valg."

Fenrys shook his head and said, "It's nothing, just stress."

Lorcan smirked, "Yes, of course, stress, and I wonder if a particular winged female is causing this stress?"

Fenrys went to take his shirt and put it on. "No. Y/n and I are nothing."

He was about to leave when he heard Lorcan say, "Well then, that is good news. Nox was asking about you and her because he had taken an interest towards her so I can inform him that she is free for the taking-"

In the blink of an eye, Fenrys was in front of Lorcan, grabbing him by his shirt. "Y/n isn't a sack of potatoes or some other object being sold in a market to call her 'free for the taking' and tell that little shrimp that if he values his bones and doesn't want them to be broken, then he will do well and stay away from her."

That's when Lorcan began to laugh loudly causing Fenrys to loosen his grip and stare at him with the same intensity as he did a minute ago.

Lorcan put his arm on the shifters shoulder and said, "I won't say that because Nox didn't say anything about y/n."

Fenrys' brows furrowed in confusion.

"I made it all up to see your reaction and now I can clearly confirm that you like her."

Fenrys sighed and pushed away from the man. "I don't just like her, Lorcan. She is my mate."

And then, he felt water spill all over him and quickly turned around to see Lorcan with his mouth hanging open and an empty cup in his hand.

"Did- did you just spit your water all over me?"

"You- She- Gods, Fenrys, mate?!"

"Yes, yes she is my mate."

"Does she know?"

Fenrys looked towards the hills as he said, "Yes, she knows."

He felt Lorcan come closer. "And what will you do? with the whole gates issue and-"

"I don't know. We don't know. She told me we will see how it shall be within these three days. Nothing is for sure."

"Fenrys-"

"Lorcan, I am loosing my mind here. I am ready to beg whatever being there is that has power, to make her stay with me, here. Those people, her world, I- I don't know them, Lorcan. But the ones that I do know are anything but nice. They are all liars and traitors. She won't be safe there, I need her safe, Lorcan, do you hear me? I need her safe."

Lorcan put his firm hand on his friend's shoulder and said, "I understand you, Fenrys. But your issue is.....quite complicated."

Fenrys sighed and tilted his head to look skywards, "Yes, I am aware."

There was a momentary silence that passed between them before Lorcan spoke once more, "But not impossible to solve if you both do the right thing."

"And that is?"

"Accept the bond, of course."

Fenrys scoffed, "Easy for you to say. You already have your wife."

Lorcan smiled at the mention of his wife before replying, "That's because I did the right thing by saying 'fuck it' and turning into a mortal for her."

"Well, y/n isn't a mortal either so I don't need to give that up."

Lorcan smacked him in the head. "You big idiot, of course you shouldn't do that. That was my choice to make because Elide and I's story was different but complicated nonetheless. I am saying that you must make a decision. If you are willing to be with her, you must be ready for either of her replies. You must be ready to sacrifice some things."

Fenrys sighed, "I will always find a way to protect her."

"This is frustrating!"

"It wouldn't be if you just listened!"

"Ladies, i think I am about to fall face down because of how drained I am."

"Dorian, shut up and help!"

"How?! My body refuses to do anymore magic, I am thoroughly depleted, Aelin dearest."

"Gods, Dorian, you are the worst teacher I have seen."

"Y/n doesn't think that, yes?"

"I am sorry, but you most definitely are."

"HA!"

"Are you serious-"

"What is happening here?!"

"MANON! Love, save me from them please. They are torturing me!"

"Dorian get your senses together, no one is torturing you."

"Don't talk to me, Aelin- I mean, peasant."

"Did you just call me a peasant?! I am a queen, you-"

"I AM TIRED!!"

It has been a total of two hours since y/n entered the royal gardens to train with Dorian, Aelin and Yrene.

Recognizing the strain of using powerful magic, they focused on y/n's physical and mental well-being. This included exercises to maintain stamina, meditation techniques to enhance focus, and strategies to manage stress. Yrene taught this to her first, before leaving and giving the turn for Aelin and Dorian. Now, they were teaching her how to regulate the flow and intensity of her energy, ensuring she could sustain the necessary level required for the spell.

The rest of them were busy planning how to attack the Valg after Aelin told them of her plan to cut them from the root. According to her, they must have some kind of a core source located in their hiding place which is why destroying it, would also destroy them.

They did make some progress, but y/n still had troubles with concentrating and not going overboard by using too much of her energy. Safe to say, just like Dorian, she was also drained.

Manon rolled her eyes while smiling slightly and let the king hug her as she said, "Well then, training is over. You can't continue unless you regain your energy."

Aelin, still glaring at Dorian, nodded her head and said, "Very well then, let's go eat something."

On their way towards the dining room, Aelin turned to look at Dorian while staring daggers at him, "We are not done, you little bastard. I will get my revenge on you for calling me a peasant."

Dorian just smirked and held Manon tighter by the waist. "You can try, and even if you kill me, my witchling will avenge me. Won't you, Manon dearest?"

Manon just elbowed him in the ribs. "Don't drag me into your childish matters."

Dorian scoffed. "Very well then, my ghost shall come back to haunt you. You won't be able to escape me!"

Aelin just rolled her eyes and told y/n, "Do not mind him, he hit his head very hard when he fell to the ground from a tree which is why now he has completely lost his mind."

Y/n chuckled as Dorian protested while Manon just ignored them all but still snuggled closer to Dorian who was holding her towards him tightly by the waist.

When they entered the dining room to have lunch, Lucien and Petrah were already sitting on one of the couches near the windows as the latter drank some....soup?

At the sound, Lucien looked at them and smiled, "Hello, everyone. We came to eat something."

Manon stepped forward, heading towards her second in command, "Are you mad? Isolde said you couldn't leave the bed for a week! What are you doing here-"

"I begged her like a thousand times before she allowed me to have slow, small distance walks with someone supporting my body. Lucien here, was kind to offer and then I got hungry so we came to eat and now don't talk to me because my ribs hurt and I can't talk much." Petrah continued on drinking her soup.

They all looked at the prince who just smiled slightly while looking at the witch beside him and nodded his head in confirmation.

Aelin smiled, already heading towards the table, followed by others, as she said, "Well, we are all also really tired after hearing Dorian's constant nagging during training so we came to eat."

Dorian, who was already busy with cutting up his food and eating, replied, "You have no right to talk to me, peasant."

Manon rolled her eyes from her place beside him, "Gods, here we go."

Aelin threw a broccoli at the king as she said, "One more time, Dorian, I dare you to say it just one more time!"

"Gods, what are you, five?" Petrah mumbled from the couches before Lucien stuffed her mouth with bread.

Y/n laughed loudly, eating her lunch with them and joining multiple conversations, with Lucien and Petrah interjecting from time to time, from their place on the couch.

She never felt such freedom, such a sense of belonging as she did then. Not even with the inner circle did she ever feel this safe or....valued.

"Y/n? Can we talk?"

Y/n turned her head to see Lucien standing beside her, waiting for a reply. She smiled and noded her head before getting up and following him outside into a corner in the hallway.

"What is it, Lu?"

Lucien looked at her with a mixture of concern and determination. He was unsure and yet keen on something.

"Y/n, I think- I think I will stay here. I- I can't leave her."

Y/n's eyes widened, "Did you tell her? Does she know?"

Lucien shook his head. "No, she doesn't. I am waiting for her well-being to get better before I tell her but....even if she doesn't accept it, I can never leave her, y/n. She is my mate and I have to insure her happiness and safety. Even if it is from a distance. I am sorry."

Y/n put her hand on his shoulder and gave him a small smile, "Don't you dare apologize, Lucien Vanserra. I am sure she will accept it once you tell her so you won't have to look at her from a distance. I am proud of you for choosing to do the right thing, you know. This is maybe why the book sent you here, because you have a mate, waiting for you. This is your home, Lu."

He smiled slightly, "Yes, maybe you are right. So, you aren't mad?"

"Mad? why would I be mad?"

"Because I won't leave and you will."

"No, Lu. I am not mad. I could never be mad at you for doing the right thing. In fact, maybe I should even listen to my own advice."

Lucien's brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

Y/n sighed and said, "Fenrys is my mate, Lu. He is my mate and I found out about it yesterday."

Lucien's eyes widened in shock as he coughed out, "Alright, now it is my time to be dumbfounded because what?!"

She gave him a small smile, "Yes, it's a long story but, we are mates and I don't know what to do Lu."

Now it was his turn to put his hand on her shoulder as he said, "Maybe the book also sent you here for that purpose? Because you have a mate here? Because this is your true home? Hmm?"

Y/n shook her head, "I don't know-"

"Listen to me, y/n. If you do not like him or feel like you do not want to stay here for sure then please do go ahead with your plan, do whatever makes you happy. But, if you do feel something towards him, if you feel an attachment to this place, then it is a sign. Then you shouldn't leave because your mate is here. And just as you said, it would be better to be by his side rather than look at him from a distance, wouldn't it?"

Y/n sighed, "I told him we would see how it goes in the next three days before I have to open the gates."

Lucien nodded his head before saying, "Remember y/n, you will only get one chance to make a choice so make sure you won't regret it."

One choice.

Just one choice.

Yes or no.

If she would go back in time now and tell the y/n from the past that this is the position she would end up in, that y/n would just laugh in her face and call her mad. Gods, this was frustrating. Why her? Why couldn't she have been a nobody born in an unknown place where no one knows her?

She truly began to enjoy the company of Aelin and her friends. This place was growing on her, more than Velaris ever did. And Fenrys....she definitely felt something for him. But, at the end of the day, he is still a male, just like Azriel, and that means he could end up breaking her. She was so afraid of that. Afraid of once again letting her walls down-

A knock on the door.

Y/n got up from her bed and put on a long robe over her short nightgown before heading towards the door. When she opened it, her breath caught in her throat. Fenrys was standing in front of her, looking as attractive as ever.

His eyes took her in- no, devoured her as he looked at the robe hugging her body like second skin, at her unbound hair, at every part of her from head to toe, his gaze becoming more and more intense with each minute that passed by.

Y/n felt her body get hotter and goosebumps arise all over her, wishing to run away but it was as if her feet were frozen in place under his gaze. Maybe she would end up turning into a puddle because of how he was looking at her. She cleared her throat and managed to say in a steady voice, "Yes?"

His gaze snapped up at her and he came closer, standing chest to chest, "You didn't come to dinner."

"Y-yes. I- I was tired so I slept."

He slightly nodded his head but made no move to leave, bringing his face closer to her, his breath fanning her face, their lips inches apart. She didn't move either. How could she? This was Fenrys right in front of her.

Suddenly, Fenrys whispered, "Ask me to kiss you."

She inhaled sharply before whispering the thing she has wanted him to do for so long, "Kiss me, Fenrys."

He didn't need anymore confirmation. Didn't need anymore time wasting as he immediately crashed his lips onto her, devouring her completely.

She tugged him closer to her as he enveloped her with his arms, leading her back inside the room and closing the door with his feet, not breaking his lips from hers and frankly, she didn't want him to.

Fenrys pushed her up against the wall, tapping her thighs for her to wrap them around his waist. Y/n was sure that his hair was a mess because of how hard she was tugging at it but she didn't care and neither did he as Fenrys broke the kiss to immediately start devouring her neck.

She was trying really hard to not moan as his hardness rubbed against her in a delicious way. As his tounge kept on kissing and biting her collarbones. When he reached the hem of the robe he looked up at her with lust filled eyes, once again asking for permission. And this time, she nodded her head, giving him the confirmation he needed. Because this time, he already knew of the scars she hid even if he didn't know their backstory.

When he couldn't open the robe gently, he released a growl and ripped the material apart, causing her to let out a small sigh, "My robe..."

"I will get you hundreds of others but now, I can't let it keep you away from me."

And with that, he pulled down the straps of her nightgown to expose her breasts. All of a sudden, she felt conscious, her upper body was littered in ugly marks and y/n was letting him see this. When she tried to cover them and make a move to get down, his firm grip on her thighs tightened as Fenrys brought up his hand to remove her arms from her chest, whispering, "Gods, you are beautiful. So beautiful and so ethereal. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I love your body, princess."

For some reason, hearing such words for the first time brought her comfort like no other. At that moment, y/n knew that she would follow Fenrys anywhere because with him, she felt the safest.

He leaned his head down and took one nipple to his mouth, sucking and biting as his other hand was busy with massaging her other breast. Y/n threw her head back at the pleasure, letting out quiet moans, not wanting this moment to end. Ever. Fenrys kept on kissing, biting, sucking and littering her in his marks and scent as she started to slowly grind on him, causing him to let out a low, hot and delicious growl.

"If- if you do that, I don't think I will be able to stop myself."

She leaned down to kiss the corner of his lips, still grinding on him, before whispering, "What if I don't want you to stop yourself, Fen?"

She saw how his pupils widened even more at that, causing him to let out a moan as Fenrys let out a low 'fuck' before smashing their lips together once more, grinding back into her.

A knock came on the door causing them both to freeze their actions. Eva's voice sounded from the other side, "Y/n? Are you in there? Lysandra told me to call you, we have a problem."

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[crimsonwritings]

His girl

Pairing: Cassian x female reader

Summary: Cassian finally makes a move on Y/N.

Warnings: reader being insecure about herself, slight mention of body shaming.

Words: 2.4k

A/N: This was written for @starfallweek hosted by @azsazz and @writingsbychlo. Am I entirely happy with it? No. Do I want to be part of this amazing event anyway? Yes.

378 years 4 months and 19 days. That’s how long Cassian had been in love with her. Ever since that day, when Rhysand came back from a visit at the Hewn City with her in his arms, saying that she would stay with them from now on. Her family had seen a potential threat in her, because of the powers she showed. Someone who disturbed the stability of their ridiculous culture. But it was the fact that nobody wanted to marry her that had made her father scream at her, blaming her for the blindness of any potential husband.

Cassian still didn’t understand how anybody could say no to her. Her face wasn’t pretty enough they had said. Her body not tender enough, her teeth not straight enough. As if she was a mare, ready for breeding. Nonsense. He had been captivated by her beauty since the moment he met her and if somebody would have asked him he would have married her right away.

Now he was standing at the bar in the House of Wind, to grab some drinks for himself and his friends and all he could think about was her. He wondered why she still wasn’t here yet. She loved Starfall and she wouldn’t miss it by any chance but maybe something had happened? Should he go check on her? No, she surely had a date anyway who would accompany her. They were probably enjoying some alone time right now before they would eventually show up. Cassian desperately tried not to imagine her kissing somebody else, their hands gliding down that beautiful body, whispering sweet nothings into her ear…

“You know, if you grab that glass any tighter it’ll break.” Cassian jumped at the voice of the shadowsinger behind him.

“Cauldron Az, could you stop sneaking up on me like that?” He turned around to the sight of an amused looking Illyrian.

“Oh believe me, I wasn’t sneaking. You were just so deep in your thoughts that you wouldn’t have realised if a whole army stood behind you.”

“Haha, very funny. What do you even want?” He hated to be moody towards one of his eldest friends, but the picture of the girl he loved in the hands of someone else was still to present in his head.

Azriel didn’t seem to be bothered by it. “Figured you’d need some help carrying five glasses. Though I guess Rhys and Feyre won’t drink something any time soon. They just left. Together.”

The prospect of his brother finally making a move on his mate filled Cassian with excitement. “So you think it’s gonna happen? Rhysie is gonna get his girl?”

Azriel only shrugged his shoulders. For any other person it would have seemed like he didn’t care about Rhysands love life but Cassian knew exactly that the shadowsinger was just as invested in it as him. “The odds are good. But if I were you I wouldn’t be worrying about him but myself. So, are you finally gonna make a move on her tonight?”

The fact that Azriel didn’t even use her name was indicator enough that everyone knew about the Generals hopeless feelings towards her. “Oh common Az, you know she isn’t interested in me that way. I mean we are friends! For almost four centuries we’ve been friends!”

“Really?” A smirk was creeping up on Azriels face as if he knew something Cassian didn’t know.

Frustration streamed through him, he had to put down the drink and hold on to the counter, fearing he might throw the glass at the next wall. “Yes! And it doesn’t matter anyway, because she definitely has a date for tonight.”

“Does she now? Well turn around.” As Cassian did he set his eyes on the most breathtaking creature he had ever seen.

Y/N walked into the room, in a dress that shimmered like the moon itself. It was hugging her beautiful curves, then flowed to the ground from right beneath her hips, getting wider the lower it got. Oh, what he would have given to be the one to help her out of this dress later on. Her hair was pinned up, leaving her long neck on display. Cassian wanted to mark every inch of it with his tongue and teeth, until all the males in Prythian knew that she belonged with him.

His heartbeat rose up at the sight of her. She looked like a freaking goddess, drawing all the attention on her. It seemed like everyone wanted to know who the beautiful girl was. Did she even realise how they were staring at her? Women, who looked like they either wanted to kill her, or be her? Men longing after her, just like he did right now?

If she had noticed the attention lying on her she ignored it, for she strode threw the crowd, chin up, her eyes scanning the room as if she was looking for someone.

But the prettiest sight, even though he hated himself for it, was the fact that there was no other man on her arm. “She is alone!”

Cassian had whispered the words to himself, still in trance from the sight of her. He had not realised that the shadowsinger still stood behind him.“Yep, she is. And I can tell you the exact two reasons why.”

The General couldn’t tear his eyes from her. He feared she would disappear if he did, as if she was only an illusion. Thankfully Azriel seemed to understand as he spoke on without a request. “You do realise that you are literally growling at every male that comes near her? It’s like you are her personal guard dog who is following her around everywhere.”

Now the frustration crept back into Cassian and he broke his stare, trying to ignore the physical pain he felt in his chest while doing so. “Wait, you are making it sound like it’s my fault! Oh great, so she is probably pissed at me too.”

Azriel wore that annoying smirk again, Cassian could have punched him in the face for it. He decided to look at her again instead. “Well, she should be pissed if she really wanted to have somebody else as her date. Yet, she isn’t. Which leads me to reason number two.”

“Oh yeah, and what would that be?”

“The fact that she is so absolutely disinterested in any of those guys that they can see it on her face. She might speak to them and smile at them, but her eyes only ever light up when she looks at you.” As if on clue Y/N’s eyes met Cassian’s and rested there. She was gifting him a radiant smile and her eyes…they glittered as if they held a thousand stars in them. It was that moment he realised that she had been searching the room for him. And that the man who was now laying a scarred hand on his shoulder had been right.

“Please, do us all a favour and go get your girl, brother.” With that Azriel grabbed the drinks for him and Mor and silently made his way back to where their friend was located.

Cassian started to move. He needed to get to her as soon as possible. She was like a magnetic force pulling him to her and it seemed like she might have felt the same as she took her steps in his direction. They never broke eye contact on their sheer never ending way to each other. When they finally met each other in the middle of the room he was so overwhelmed by her presence that he couldn’t say anything but a whispered “Hi”.

She grinned up at him, got on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “Hi”

Cassian could literally feel the blush threatening to reveal him. He decided to distract her from it. “Didn’t you want to bring someone with you?”

“No, nobody asked me to be honest. But I guess I should have considered that. It’s probably just me…I mean it’s always been that way, right?” Cassian knew that look on her face. He had seen it multiple times, whenever Y/N started to feel low about herself, started to believe those ugly words these men had spoken to her a lifetime ago.

It wasn’t his intention, to make her feel like this on maybe the most important day in her years schedule.

His brain tried to find a solution for the mess he navigated himself into. He wanted to cheer her up, to spend a fairytale like evening with her before he would confess everything he kept secret from her ever since the both of them met.

But his silly little heart acted faster than he could think about something. “I’m asking you!”

“What?” Now it was her turn to blush.

There was no going back now. There would be no perfect timing and no privacy. He would tell her right here, right now, with maybe a hundred people gathering around them, in the middle of the ballroom. And if all of Velaris would call him a lovesick fool by tomorrow so be it. He didn’t give a damn about it. “I’m asking you to be my date!”

There was utter disbelief in her eyes and something that looked like worry. “Cassian, are you drunk or something?”

“Yes I am sweetheart. Drunk on you. But if you mean drunk in the traditional way then no, I’m not.”

“Cassie…” Her bashful gaze dropped to the ground. There was a strain in her voice that almost sounded like sadness, because she was afraid. Afraid that the man in front of her was only playing with her, not meaning anything he said right now.

Another small gesture Cassian recognised about her. It felt like she was a mysterious book, written in a language only he could decipher.

He used his fingers to lift up her chin, desperate for her to see the truth in his eyes.

“I should have asked you that earlier I know that. I wanted to ask you but I was so scared that you would say no and that I would risk whatever we have between us. But tonight I’ve realised what an idiot I’ve been who misinterpreted everything, or at least I hope so because otherwise this could end badly. Well, even if it does I want to say it because you deserve to know how I feel about you and I want you to see what an amazing person you are.”

Cassian had rambled his words so fast, his lungs forced him to take a breath before his crucial statement. “I love you Y/N…So will you give me the honour and make me the happiest man alive by being mine? For Starfall and for eternity?”

Her eyes went wide in surprise, her mouth agape. She looked at him as if he came from another world, as if she had never seen him before. Cassian could almost see her brain trying to realise what he had just said.

He wasn’t sure how long they stood like this, but her silence was killing him. This moment, where he could do nothing but wait for her response that didn’t seem to come. Facing that thing under the library again appeared less stressful than the uncertainty he currently found himself in. “Sweetheart? Not that I want to sound rude, but I think this is the part where you should say something.“

The disbelief in her eyes turned into mischief and before Cassian could register it she was wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him down and kissing him.

He had expected a lot of things. Tears, because he had ruined their friendship. Or that she would burst out into anger, maybe throwing a shoe at his head like Feyre did to Rhysand. That she would never want to see him again. Yet she was kissing him, in front of everyone else. As if she had planned to do it for the longest time. Just like he did.

Kissing her was like everything he expected it to be and more. A thousand butterflies erupted in his stomach, travelling through his body to kiss every part that was him awake. Her fingers tangled in his hair and he moaned into the kiss at the feeling of it. There was a soft voice in his head, singing over and over again. Mine, mine, mine.

The Illyrian already missed her lips when she pulled away, chasing after them to feel the softness again, to taste their sweetness. Cauldron, he was obsessed with her by only one kiss. In that moment she could have told him to jump from the balcony with his wings bound together, like once during the blood rite, he would have done it.

She started to leave soft kisses on his neck, travelling up to his ear, and if the act itself didn’t drive him crazy than her hummed word definitely did. “Yes!”

Cassian couldn’t help but growl at her answer and in the next second he lifted her up and spun her around, enjoying the beautiful sound that was her laughter.

When the music started to play he put her back on her feet. Her hair was now slightly out of place, face a little bit red, but for Cassian she was still stunning. He wanted to take her to his room, to show her just how gorgeous she was in his opinion, but this would have to wait. For this was Starfall and he wanted to spend it with her. So he performed a slight bow in front of her, taking her hand in his to put a light kiss on her knuckles. „Would you like to dance with me, my lady?“

He could have sworn her giggles lit up the whole ball room before she answered him. „I would love to dance with you, General. Until the sun creeps up behind the mountains again.“

And so they did. They were dancing the whole night, never breaking eye contact and only stopped to watch the magnificent sight of the souls travelling along the sky. Later, when the thoughtful celebration had turned into a party, they could be seen dancing with their friends, sharing their luck with them.

The whispers that could be heard throughout Velaris the next day were positive ones, stating what a beautiful couple the both of them made. Although some claimed to have seen the General tackling their High Lord to the ground when he returned with the cursebreaker, laughing and screaming while doing so. “Rhysie! I have a girlfriend now!”

Tags: @hellodarling1357

[freyjas-musings]

I often see posts on who would win the "blood duel" between Lucien and Azriel and then see some eluciens and some elriels cat fight because you know.... boredom

It got me thinking and here are a few points and my thoughts on the "blood duel"

First and foremost nobody knows the parameters of said duel , so we cannot really compare notes and see who would actually win. They each come with a different skill set so please calm your hormones.

Note to Eluciens - the whole Lucien will come into his full power so he will be.... no stop.... Az isn't Cass , Rhys couldn't do shit to Azriel's shield in the high lords meeting... so just ✋️ stop. If it's only brute strength and magic Az has the upper hand , deal with it.

Now , we are talking about comparing who is more powerful. For 2 groups whose general anthem is strength comes in different forms ... Brute strength isn't the only form of strength ..... its shameful that when it comes to Az and Lucien their only comparison is based on brute strength. SHAME SHAME SMH.

It pains me as an Az stan but here is the truth the minute Az agreed to "defeat" Lucien in a fight , he lost . He agreed to engage in violence over someone who detests violence ? See , how he just proved he isn't right for said person right there ?

If Canon info is anything to go by, Lucien will not even invoke the blood duel. It's not because he is a coward ... its the opposite it's because he is a stronger, better male, one who would respect what Elain wants and walk away. So sorry, Lucien in this case is definitely the stronger male and the bigger male .... and given his strength in not resorting to violence makes him automatically compatible with his mate.

Now, about Azriel or Lucien needing to be humbled .... neither need to be humbled, you see their problem isn't with each other so just chill you guys . They each need to have their own healing and growth. You idiots need to stop. People like me love both of them and would love to be in a sandwich situation there ... if I were to pick it would helion and Eris but I will take the other as well. The only form of humbling I will expect is Lucien saving Azriel's life in some situation and given Azriel has gotten hurt in every single book he has appeared that's a big possibility. See , how it was more positive and doesn't change who Lucien is as a character or how it's not to make Az look smaller or weaker .... some of you all need to touch grass taking fictional situations that personally.

Azriel resorting to violence isn't new or unique , we saw that with Mor as well . His anger issues are a big part of the character's description, so growth and healing for Azriel would be more about not resorting to rage and violence. That will be one of the things that his story will most likely to deal with. I look forward to his icy rage thawing because I love him enough to want that for him. To want to see him give up on that ice in his veins.

There is a reason why Gwyn was written the way she was , she was written to be compatible with Azriel . Ultimately, that is what matters each of these characters finding healing and happiness and being with someone who is compatible with them , someone who would bring out the best in them.

Just because one side is rage baiting you, it doesn't mean you get down to their level and try resorting to petty posts spewing poison. If it is wrong to compare Gwyn and Elain (and it is ), it's just as wrong to compare Lucien and Az ... It's mighty sexist of people to think it isn't.

[acourtofthought]

The reason I can’t get behind the concept of Elain rejecting or “severing” the bond is because there is no indication that Elain and Lucien would be a terrible match. I saw art on reddit (I know I know, stay away from there) of a defiant Elain using truth teller to cut the bond and so many people were excited about it. But it did nothing for me, not even close to empowerment.

The context of this world, and these relationships, does not make the bond an inherent issue of sexism or lack of agency. The poor matches were revealed to be ones dependent on maximizing power, not compatibility. Elain and Lucien are highly compatible—their personalities, likes, interests, reactions to adversity, etc. So the idea of her “severing” the bond seems inconsistent with not only SJM’s themes, but also Elain’s best interests as a character.

Nothing about Azriel, nothing we have been shown of their interactions, tell me that Elriel is compatible, let alone a better pairing than Elucien. I’m not blind, I saw potato steam and Az listening to her garden plans and following her laugh on solstice. But those moments never endeared me to the ship because none of them held weight. None of them made me think of how Elain/Az have been portrayed independently of one another, let alone with synergy. In fact, when I have cross examined I found contention—they are incompatible.

Say what you want about aesthetics and repeated storylines, at the end of the day Elriel is a poor match. And nothing has convinced me otherwise 🤷🏾‍♀️

🧼💖

HIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (that looks weird with multiple i's and multiple exclamations but I was really excited to see you).

I also added a screenshot of your second anon so your messages could be viewed all together.

I could not agree with you more. We're definitely told that some bonds aren't a match but for every bond that was given as an example for why that was we can easily see that's not how Elain and Lucien are set up.

Rhys's father did not give his mother a choice, he instantly whisked her away and married her that evening. She wasn't given a chance to get to know him before being forced to decide what she wanted she was simply forced into it.

Lucien has done nothing but give Elain the space to do what she wants even if that meant returning to another man.

We also knew that Rhys's father was cold and vicious, two things we know that Lucien is not. His mother was soft and fiery (which sounds a lot like Elain). So if Rhys's father and mother were not a match, cold and vicious does not match with soft and fiery than it's safe to say that Lucien being the fathers polar opposite would be match for Elain's soft and fiery personality.

We also know that Tamlin's father was a tyrant and his mother refused to say a bad word against him. Again, Lucien is not a tyrant, not even close and we've already seen Elain stand up against people when she thinks they're wrong. So once more, Elain and Lucien do not match the qualities of another fated mates pair that was wrong for one another.

Like you said, everything about their personalities strongly suggest they're going to be amazing together. Elain can be stubborn for now, she can avoid her bond and Lucien, but there's little chance that won't change in future books. Sarah created too big a plot with their bond for them just walk up to one another after over a year of avoidance, after never having a real conversation and say, "best of luck to you!". There would have been absolutely no reason to introduce the bond in the first place if she wasn't going to explore it, even if it were to prove they weren't right for each other. But we know what will happen is that Elain will finally drop her guard and let herself see who Lucien is and there is no chance she's not falling for him. That's Sarah's m-fing Jamie Frasier right there and there's no way he's going to be anything less than perfection in Elain's eyes (as I imagine she already is in his).

To your point about Az, I was talking to someone about something similar the other day. There are a few cute moments between Elain and Az but they're never followed up by any possible foreshadowing to back the ship up. I.E. Sarah had Az give Elain TT but instead of expounding on that in the novella, giving us a scene where Elain asked for private dagger lessons (as she had Gwyn do), we instead had Sarah say, "Elain had pressed it into his hands as he had pressed it into hers and she did not look back". She also had Rhys say, "Elain is Elain but Nesta is....she's Illyrian." The author is literally telling us that Nesta fits in with the IC but Elain doesn't. Which continues on in SF where we're told she's bothered by cruelty and NC black sucks the life from her.

In contrast, we had the ACOWAR scene that has Elain saying she needs sunshine. Fast forward a few chapters and we have Feyre thinking how Helion is the sun personified. Fast forward a few chapters and we have the realization strike Feyre that Helion is Lucien's true father making Lucien the likely sole heir of Day. Meaning he will also be likened to the sun personified with sun in his veins all after his MATE said she needed sunshine. Follow all that up with the rose necklace (symbolic of Elain) which we're told needs held to the light in order to see it's true depth.

It's subtle, so easy to miss, but when you look at how Sarah lays out all these little clues it's brilliant and reads like a story when you put them together.

A cute quote here and there does not tell the full story of these characters, not when Sarah uses those crumbs to tell us a different story (just as she did with the Tamlin / Feyre / Rhysand setup). It was the crumbs that told the truth, not the in your face quotes like how Feyre wanted to bang Tamlin.

As always, thank you for your message, I hope you're well!!!

[redbleedingrose]

Girl Dad!Rhysand x Reader Headcanons Pt 2

Part 1

A/N: So it turns out you all enjoyed the first post and I kept coming up with more ideas so here we go!

Girl dad Rhys back at it again stealing all our hearts smh <333333

I feel like Rhys is really into family vacations! He loves taking time to just relax with his mate and his little shining star, often taking you and the babe up to the private cabin to just get away from the stress of being high lord and high lady. He really believes that the key to having a happy and healthy relationship with both you and your daughter is being “normal” and truly just being himself around the people he cares most for in the entire world.

He is definitely the kind of mate to have a secluded beach house, a quaint cabin in the Illyrian mountains, a cozy cottage in the forests that he personally designed. Ofc there is a huge master bedroom with an on-suite sitting area with a gigantic balcony that has the best views in the entire home. He also designs the perfect room for your babe, even including additional rooms for any future children you may have (which he is quite desperate for). There is a play room with lots of sensory development toys, a library that holds collections of all your and your daughters favorite books from different authors, there is definitely a pool (for late night skinny dipping), and a music room that has the piano and guitars so your daughter can learn how to play.

He adores playing chess with his shining star. She always wins against her 500 year old father despite being only 3. He loves watching her little pigtails bounce as she dances and jumps with glee, teasing her mama: “I won mama, you never win against papa, right papa?” Her chubby cheeks flushing with excitement as she stares up at you with innocent widened eyes. “That’s right my shining star, papa always wins,” his violet eyes glinting with starlight as he sends you a cheeky wink that leaves you feeling flushed all over

The asshole never lets you win, in fact, he always has a stupid sexy smug smirk on his face every time you play against him.

At some point during your relationship, you forced Azriel to teach you all of Rhys’ dirty tricks so you can finally win against him.

It did not work.

Man’s already had you figured out. Watching you with one eyebrow raised and a grin tugging at his lips every time you played a move where you thought you had the upper hand, only for him to end up winning.

It’s okay though… he ate you out for hours as a reward for trying so hard

ANYWAY

I feel like your daughter and Rhys are connected on a deeper level. Like I said, this male adores her. Treats her like a princess. Coddles her to the extreme while making sure she understands her privilege. Regardless… they just understand each other more than you could ever describe. It is that unconditional deep love that he has for her that makes their bond so special.

Any time she has a nightmare? Rhys is already awake and jogging towards her room to bring her back to your bed and let her sleep between the both of you or on his chest.

When she was just a babe, before she could talk, you could swear that with the way Rhys and her stared at each other, they were communicating and could understand each other. They still do that now. It is like they have their own language, inside jokes that end with high pitched giggles and Rhys tickling her and pulling her close to smooch her ruddy cheeks.

There was a phase your daughter had where she would try to sneak into your bed to sleep with you and Rhys. You would wake up every single time she tried, silently watching with a soft smile and bleary eyes as Rhys shush’s her as she stares up at him with her violet puppy dog eyes, “C’mere little love, shh don’t wake mama, s’okay, you can sleep with us tonight,” already leaning down to pick her up under her outstretched arms to settle her between you both. When she crawls in behind you and tries to throw her tiny arm around your waist, you will turn around with a gentle groan and pull her into your chest, tucking her head under your chin and planting a soft kiss to her fluffy hair so she can snuggle into you completely.

Rhysand still struggles to sleep some nights. Some nights, he wakes up gasping for air and clutching his chest, staring at you desperately while you rub his back and whisper sweet nothings into his ear. On these nights though, Rhys is completely content and at ease. When you and his babe are with him, you both are entirely safe. The thing is… he feels entirely safe too. He leans in for a quick peck before scooting forward to cuddle you both into him, almost immediately sliding back into a deep sleep with you both in his arms.

This male is also the most extravagant and outlandish fae you have ever met. This male insists on matching EVERYWHERE. Before your daughter was born, he would have clothes that were specially made for you both so that you could match wherever you went. Now??? This male has you AND your daughter matching with him.

Matching pajama sets??? A MUST

Regular every day wear??? Better be matching

training clothes???

“We are on the same team darling, we have to match,” he pleads as you stare at him exasperated as hell. He will even rope your daughter in, I cannot with him frl… “Isn’t that right my little star? You want mama to match with me and you right?”

And how are you supposed to resist your adorable daughter clapping her tiny hands and clutching at your dress, rocking back and forth on her heels with her violet eyes looking up at you, “Yes mama! Please match with us!” with the largest toothy smile, reminding you how she is growing up too fast

Matching starfall outfits?? Absolutely, without a doubt, its not a want, its a NEED

Male gets weak in the knees when he realizes that you and your babe are wearing your hair in the same hairstyle. He bites at your exposed neck and whisper begs for another babe.

Can we just discuss how adorable your babe is? Her violet eyes and ruddy cheeks that are so chubby every time she smiles with wild hair that can barely be controlled? Her round belly and tiny hands that barely fist around 3 of Rhys’ fingers and her feet that stumble and scamper through the marbled floors with delighted screams as Azriel and Cassian play tag with her. She is your little angel.

All that to say, Rhysand absolutely blows raspberries onto her tummy that results in squeals and laughter that make the stars shine brighter. He also loves to pretend to eat and chew on her toes and feet. They are his favorite “snack” as he likes to tell your babe.

Whenever she falls or hurts herself, she immediately comes running to you with fat tears rolling down her ruddy cheeks and her arms sticking out so her mama can cuddle and kiss away her pain. Obviously a mama’s kiss is healing of all things. Rhys worries like a mother hen, fretting over her paper cut, “Should we call Madja darling?? Are you sure??? Look, she is crying!!! I think we should call Majda. She needs to clear out the clinic immediately so all of the healers can focus on her!!!” And you are just rolling your eyes and smooching away your shining stars tears and her boo boo. After she has calmed down a little, all she wants to do is cuddle with her papa, and he will immediately bring her into his arms and hold her against his chest, his fluttering heart with panic beating under her tiny head while he plants kisses all over her temple and forehead while checking her boo boo and signs of any other boo boos. He will also add his own kiss because, “papa wants to help too little love.”

You wanna know what Rhys thinks is the most adorable thing?? It is when your daughter follows you around and pretends to be high lady because she wants to be exactly like her mama. She drinks her milk from her sippy cup and pretends that it is the coffee that you drink every morning. She bosses Cassian around, forcing him to have tea parties with her to mimic gatherings with other courts, and loves when Mor dresses her up and gets her all dolled up. She loves joining you and Rhys in your shared office and acts like she is “in charge” of meetings, often falling asleep in the chair with her belly sticking out of her shirt that is riding up, milk dripping out of the sippy cup onto the wooden floors as it hangs out from her hand, soft snores while you and Rhys discuss political strategy softly in the background, kissing her head every so often to see that tiny sleepy smile as she shifts deeper into the sofa.

Rhysand has no strength against her. One messily pout from her gets her whatever she wants. Some high lord he is (affectionate in love eye roll)

She wants a horse?

“But darling, it is just a tiny project with 100 stables and 100 horses. It is entirely plausible. My little star deserves to have all the horses she wants”

She wants a pup?

“Okay little love, but we have to convince mama first so make sure you give her your puppy dog eyes okay?” (Smooches her cheeks ten times before settling her on his hip and making his way to your office)

She wants new shoes?

“My heart… she only has two closet collection of shoes… she should have at least fifteen as the future high lady!”

“Rhys she is only four.”

“That doesn’t matter darling! She deserves the best of the best, just as you do.”

She wants a new house?

“Sweetheart, we only have five houses. A high lord and lady can have a couple more. Especially if our shining star wants another.”

“Rhys, she does not need another house. She is fine.”

“But darling…” (whines like a baby until you give in and he builds another home for you)

She wants a sister?

“I think it’s time for another darling”

“You think so?”

“Yes darling, I-”

“I think so too husband.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

ACOTAR MASTERLIST

[yazthebookish]

Bryce, Nesta and Azriel Bonus Chapter Reaction

P.s. this is my second read 👀

Bryce cracked open an eye, surveying her two companions.

Nesta sat against the opposite wall, head down, breathing lightly.

But Azriel was staring right at Bryce. She started, whacking her head against the rock. White pain splintered across her vision. By the time it cleared, Nesta was awake.

I HOWLED at this part 😂😂😂😂

"What is it?" Nesta peered down the tunnel to one side, then the other.

Bryce rubbed the back of her aching head and sat up. "Oh, nothing. Just your usual predator-in-the-night warrior, staring at me while I sleep."

"You weren't sleeping," Azriel said, faint amusement in his voice.

Bryce was insufferable but her commentary was fucking hilarious. PREDATOR IN THE NIGHT WARRIOR 😭😭

"Were you really watching her sleep?"

Azriel glowered. "When you say it like that, it sounds... unsavory."

At least he's self-aware.

"We defeated Hybern," Azriel confirmed. A glance toward Truth-Teller at his side. Then at Nesta. "Nesta beheaded the King of Hybern herself."

Bryce blinked. "Badass," she breathed.

It was a group effort but even in ACOSF no one gives Elain the credit (except Lucien in ACOWAR).

Nesta's back stiffened. "My mother would be thrashing in her grave if she knew I was a warrior-if she knew I wore trousers every single day and that I'm mated to a Fae male. I can't tell what would have horrified her more: me marrying a poor human man or becoming what I am now."

Nesta I'm so proud of you 🥹

Bryce jerked her chin toward Azriel. "You've got the broody look of someone with an awful mother, too. Care to share?"

Nesta snorted. "Az never talks about his mother, and neither will our friends, so I'm guessing she's even worse."

The Illyrian snarled softly, "My mother is anything but awful."

Nesta tensed, like she was surprised she'd gotten such a response from him. "I was joking. Az, I didn't even know-"

"I don't want to discuss this," Azriel cut her off coldly.

I'm so excited to meet Az's mother but I know learning of her story will break my heart. I think she might still be dealing with both physical and mental scars and that's why Az is fiercely protective of her, otherwise why would Cassian in ACOSF even think about if Az tried to convince his mother to come live in the Library.

"So that ... phone of yours," Nesta said suddenly, as if eager to change the subject for all their sakes. "You said earlier it has music inside it?"

Bryce's advantage here is music because she won over Nesta so easily (at least during this moment).

"Stone Mother" began playing, its rolling, thumping drums offsetting the wild, yet mellow, guitars. And then Josie's voice filled the tunnel, sharp and yet soaring, accented by Laurel's sweet, clear backups. The sound was foreign, earthy-haunting. In the span of a few notes, Bryce was back in her childhood bedroom in Nidaros, sprawled on the carpet, letting the sound of the music run over her for the first time.

This song had carried her through it all-through the years of pain and emptiness and rebuilding. It had carried her from light into darkness and then back into the light.

I don't know if the name choice for the song is intentional but if it's inspired by the myths it feels like an indirect nod to Theia/Fionn/Aidas (which we learn about soon after this scene) or even Ember/Randall/Autumn King.

This was one of my favorite dances. It's from a ballet called The Glass Coffin." Bryce hit play again, and the violins began.

This is definitely a nod to Vesperus who they found in a clear quartz sarcophagus 👀

Again, Nesta was silent, knees now clutched to her chest, staring into the darkness. As if she was dedicating every inch of herself to listening.

"This sounds like some of our music," Azriel murmured. Nesta shushed him.

Nesta is so entranced by it.

Two hours later, they were walking again. Maybe Azriel had been interested enough in the music that he'd let them linger.

He is a singer after all 😏

Nesta had clapped her hands over her ears at the screaming, wailing death metal, but Azriel had chuckled.

He'd probably get along with Ruhn and his idiot friends.

It comes at no surprise that Az in the modern world would be a metalhead.

Nesta had loved the classical stuff the best, and both of them had been intrigued by the pulsing, thumping club music. "That is what you dance to in your world?" Nesta asked. Bryce hadn't been able to tell if she was intrigued or dismayed. Azriel, at least, had seemed on board.

My mans was ready to break a leg right then and there in the tunnels I know it.

"So you guys have swords and stuff?"

"Something like that," Azriel hedged. He clearly wasn't going to enlighten her about their defenses.

"And your magic is ...”

"Don't push it," Azriel said, a hint of that earlier chill entering his voice.

Nesta's lips thinned at the tone, like she was remembering it, Like it didn't sit right with her.

Az's attitude switches up so fast even Nesta is wary of it. He needs a long holiday.

Bryce asked Nesta, "You have a mate, right?" She nodded to Azriel. "Do you?"

"No," Azriel said quickly, flatly.

"A partner or spouse?"

"No."

Bryce sighed. "Okay, then."

Azriel's wings twitched. "You're incurably nosy."

"I think that's the nicest thing you've said about me." Bryce winked at him.

Bryce hit him where it hurts the most 🤣 it's always fun to have confrontational characters interact with him because the IC tend to walk around eggshells when it comes to Az.

Nesta asked, "Without firstlight, would your world become like ours, do you think?"

Bryce considered. "I don't see another way to power our cars or phones, so... probably."

Post-apocalyptic Midgard in CC4.

"You can do good," Azriel warned, "while still being bad."

Bryce whistled. "I know a number of males back home who could only dream of delivering that sentence with such cool."

I wonder if this is more about him than anything else...

Nesta laughed again. "If you weren't our captive," she said, shaking her head, "I think 1 might like to call you a friend, Bryce Quinlan."

I knew if there was anyone who would have bonded with Bryce from ACOTAR, it would be Nesta.

Did it matter? The Fae in Midgard weren't her problem, and she didn't want them to be, but what if they could be more? Was such a change possible?

A lot of the resentment Bryce feels towards her the Fae in Midgard reminds me of how Az feels about the Illyrians.

Nesta went on, "I'm stronger, faster. Harder to kill. I don't see a downside to that."

"And the near-immortal life span isn't so bad, huh?" Bryce leased.

"I'm still adjusting to the idea of that," Nesta said, eyes on the tunnel ahead. "That time is so ... vast. The day-to-day versus the sprawl of centuries." She slid her attention to Azriel. "How do you deal with it?"

He was quiet for a moment before saying, "Find people you love-they make the time pass quickly." He caught Nesta's eye. and said a shade apologetically, "Especially if they'll forgive your occasional snapping at them over things that aren't their fault."

Something seemed to soften in Nesta's eyes-relief, perhaps, ar the extended olive branch. She said quietly, tentatively, "Nothing to forgive, Az."

I love this part so much!! Az and Nesta have such a special bond. Him including her among the people he loves 🥹 he's at least aware about his own faults.

But his words had lightened some of the remaining tension.

And his next ones finished the job entirely as he winked at Nesta. "And I've been told having children makes the time fly, too."

Nesta rolled her eyes, but Bryce didn't miss the gleam in them.

Nesta was willing to play-to get back to their normal dynamic.

She admitted, "I wouldn't know the first thing about how to raise a child." She pointed to herself. "Raised by a terrible mother, remember?"

"Doesn't mean you'll be one." Azriel said gently.

Azriel said I want Nessian babies 🤣

I just know Nesta would be a wonderful mother and it kind of reflects the reality of how a lot of people who've had toxic parents feel about having a family.

My mother was even worse to Feyre-and my sister has turned out to be..." She searched for the word. "A perfect mother."

This makes me happy 🥹 I miss Feyre

"What do you want to hear?" Bryce asked, opening her music library.

Nesta and Azriel swapped glances, and the male answered a bit sheepishly, "The music you play at your pleasure halls."

Bryce laughed. "Are you a club rat, Azriel?"

He glowered at her, earning a smirk from Nesta, but Bryce played one of her favorite dance tunes-a zippy blend of thumping bass and saxophones, of all things.

And as the three of them walked into the endless dark, she could have sworn she caught Azriel nodding along to the beat.

Az you're proving her point about being a club rat 🤣 I love that SJM emphasized not only Nesta's but Az's fondness for music.

She hid her smile and played song after song, until the battery on her phone drained to the dregs. Until tha ast, beauiful link to Midgard went dark and died.

No more music. No more pictures of Hunt.

This part hurts.

And with each mile onward, she could hear Azriel humming softly to himself. The rolling, wild melody of "Stone Mother" flowed off his lips, and she could have sworn even the shadows danced at the sound.

His shadows dancing to HIS SOUND 😭❤️ and there is only one other person who the shadows ever danced around.

I mentioned it before but one of my headcanons was about when Az is spying or on a mission and he's waiting somewhere, he sings and his shadows dance around him 🥹

[yennas-stuff]

I saw an e/riel talk about how what Rhys said to Azriel in the bonus chapter was character assassination because Rhys would never talk to him like that. But here’s the thing, Rhys gave Azriel multiple chances to explain himself but Az ignored all his questions (in particular the Mor question), referred to Elain as the third, questioned the cauldron (his behavior/the way he was acting might’ve reminded Rhys of Tamlin) and Rhys saw what was happening for what it really was: Azriel being jealous that he doesn’t have a mate and filled with lust that’s only surface level. If Azriel gave Rhys a tiny hint of there being something more, actual romantic feelings or denied having any feelings left for Mor, then Rhys would’ve said “be patient and wait until she breaks off the bond with Lucien” or “I understand how you feel but wait until things are sorted out”. Rhys would want his brother to be happy, he loves him. Rhys had to call Azriel out on his shit (I love Az but someone needs to) and pull rank on him for a reason - I know Rhys brought up political complications, but I don’t think Lucien would be messy and cause problems if Elain did choose Azriel. Would he be upset? Yes, but he would want Elain to be happy and most definitely would not invoke the blood duel.

Azriel has defied Rhys plenty of times. If Azriel wanted to defend himself and his feelings and fight for Elain then he would have. I know some e/riel’s say that this is foreshadowing for the next book and Azriel will ignore Rhysand’s command, but would he not have done it in the bonus chapter or thought about it? Reminds me of how e/riel’s say Azriel couldn’t think beyond his fantasies because it pained him too much. If you want someone that bad then you will constantly think about them (and not just in a sexual way), your mind if your safe space, and you will do anything you can to be with them. And after leaving Rhysand’s office Az didn’t think about Elain and how she might be feeling, or immediately finding her, or think about making things right the next morning.

There’s really nothing forbidden about e/riel. Rhys said in acowar that if Elain didn’t want the bond then she would be protected, Nesta and Feyre would also support her (and Nesta called Elain a wench for not sitting next to Lucien at solstice). I don’t understand why e/riel’s call it forbidden when there is literally nothing stopping them. You actually think the courts give a shit? You actually think Lucien (who hates violence) would demand a blood duel?

Hi anon! Thank you for the message. I will try to add something since you said it all already.

The bonus chapter was actually the first time I agreed with Rhys and liked him in a while.

Seeing as Rhys knows Azriel better than any other person, I would say his reaction is supposed to tell us how we should feel about it as a reader. He was shocked by his behavior, so we can tell that Azriel's behavior was disturbing and out of ordinary. And as you said, Rhys would do a lot for his brothers. If Rhys knows that what Azriel is feeling is not love, I would say he knows him best. And yes, Azriel had so many chances to say something to change his mind or to fight for his case but he didn't.

I also don't think Lucien is the type of person to use violence to win Elain over. We already had a glimpse into his psyche. Feyre felt so much of his pain and self-doubt. He probably feels very conflicted about even having a mate and deserving her. He experienced so much loss, I'm guessing he would feel like the rejection from his mate was something to be expected. So, Rhys is probably not worried about him doing something to Elain/Az/Night Court. It wouldn't make him have any fond feelings for them, tho, that's for sure. Would it be a threat to them? Not at all. Lucien has no court to rally behind him as of now. Rhys probably just feels for him as a mate who was in a similar situation.

From what we know, Azriel did not apologize to Elain or tried to comfort her or make her feel better the next day. He didn't seem to think about her feelings much. It read very one-sided and cold. I don't think it's the real him. It's just these feelings and self-esteem issues manifested in a very toxic way. I don't think that Azriel is a bad guy. It just showed us Elain does not bring the best out of him.

I don't see any further tension between them. There is nothing to build a book on. Nothing forbidden about it. I think it would be close to impossible to come back from this messy situation. It's been a while since the winter solstice, and he left it that way. Comfortable with letting the other person think she's a mistake and she's been rejected again.

[starsreminisce]

Before HOFAS Elriels claimed Elain will play a major part. Plus SJM said this book will set the future ACOTAR book.

After HOFAS came out, it was obvious that Elain didn't make an appearance. Some Elriels continue to argue the book points out to Elain's book. . . However Az had A MAJOR part it the book. I believe he deserves HIS story to be told.

Az definitely deserves to have his story told, and I believe that Elain isn't the right person for him to share it with.

SJM tends to follow a formula that works well for her. She often pairs characters who have experienced trauma, allowing them to relate to each other and help each other heal.

To me, it seems that SJM isn't overly concerned with how one character feels about another, as the plot is the primary focus. Throughout her books, she has portrayed pairs that start at opposite ends of the spectrum and end up in completely different places. What matters to SJM is how well-matched and similar her planned couples are. She's not necessarily changing her formula; rather, she's now emphasizing why Gwyn is perfect for Az and why Lucien is perfect for Elain, something that was lacking in both ToG and CC

The main takeaway from the series for me is that both Cassian and Rhys have reached a level of self-assurance where they can accept their own flaws. It's simply a matter of finding someone who can accept them for who they are.

It's significant to note that both Cassian and Rhys have expressed their fears but haven't shied away from sharing them with their partners. Az explicitly states in his BC that he's afraid to open up to Elain, and I don't believe it's Elain's responsibility to reassure him. That's something Azriel needs to work through on his own.

The dynamics between Azriel and Gwyn are different. Azriel refrains from touching Gwyn not because he fears tainting her but because he's aware of her discomfort with physical contact. He finds solace in Gwyn's presence and is less focused on his insecurities when he's with her compared to when he's alone with Elain.

Azriel's behavior towards Gwyn aligns more with mate behavior. He constantly considers her comfort, abilities, strengths, goals, and reactions, which was lacking in his interactions with Elain.

HOFAS spoilers ahead

We have ample evidence that Az is refusing to embrace his Illyrian heritage, only to discover that the Illyrians rebelled against the Daglans, and he wields the weapon of the Illyrian who led that rebellion—a figure now idolized and memorialized. This revelation is a tremendous burden for Az to bear, especially considering his struggle to see any merit in being Illyrian.

This is a unique struggle that Elain doesn't share. Despite her transformation into a fae, she doesn't exhibit resentment towards her new identity, as evidenced by her active involvement in aiding fae readjustment post-war, similar to Lucien's efforts with humans. Both Elain and Lucien initially harbored prejudiced views towards each other, yet they've both made strides in overcoming these biases.

Elain's main challenge lies in grappling with her mating bond, a struggle Az can't fully comprehend given his intense desire for such a bond. Lucien, on the other hand, was willing to wed without a bond, highlighting another difference in experiences.

While Lucien also deserves to have his story told, it's evident that SJM is currently emphasizing Az's narrative. This suggests that Azriel's journey is distinct from Elain's.

Az deserves to have his story told alongside someone who truly understands him, someone who has decided to step out of the shadows despite the comfort they offer and who comprehends his struggles, particularly regarding his hands.

As for the timing of when to tell Azriel's story, that's a discussion for another time. As a strong supporter of Elucien, I believe Elain's absence in HOFAS indicates that their narrative is next in line to fill the gaps between Nesta's ability to remove the mask to save Feyre and Azriel's need for her to list those she loves.

Nesta's relationship with Elain has yet to fully mend, unlike the understanding reached between Nesta and Feyre by the end of ACOSF as demonstrated by Feyre's support in HOFAS.

Therefore, the question of whose story comes next remains uncertain for me, but fortunately, we won't have to wait long for the next announcement.

[gwyns]

How much of a “freak” do you think Azriel actually is? While I think he might be into some bdsm, I don’t think it would be anything too hardcore. Like whipping, face slapping, degradation, and carving into skin (some people are into that). I could see bondage, blindfolds, dirty talk/praise, maybe spanking and light choking, and maybe sex toys (if those exist in that world).

I definitely see Gwyn being the one to bring this stuff up if she’s curious about it. She’ll make the first move and I can see Azriel guiding her, making her feel comfortable and confident in herself, him treating her with respect. Safe words could be brought up. After a while, I could see Azriel giving up control and even letting Gwyn tie his hands to the headboard. Sometimes I wonder if Az is a dominant who wants to be taken care of every now and then.

I think with Gwyn, who I believe is his mate, and only with Gwyn would he let himself give up complete control. I 100% believe that Gwyn could be a brat in the bedroom and she will provoke/tease Az.

Example: Azriel tastes Gwyn and when she moans, he asks “did you like that?” and then Gwyn will go down on Az and when he moans, she asks “did you like that?”

She would be such a brat and match his energy. Every time they have sex won’t always be “freaky”, it will also be comforting, safe, healing, and passionate, especially when they accept that mating bond. I don’t think Azriel has ever let himself be on the submissive end, but with Gwyn he would be more than willing.

look i know sarah herself called az a "freak" but i genuinely don't think he's as freaky as others think he is lol. i agree with everything you've said! i definitely think he's just into bdsm and dominating and would alternate as a sub for gwyn/his mate. i feel the first couple of times they do anything it'd be kind of slow and just getting acquainted with one another, but after they've grown comfortable? oh boy... nessian will definitely need ear plugs of their own

he's absolutely into dirty and praise talk. especially the praise talk, both giving and receiving (although i'm sure he wouldn't outright admit this but the first time gwyn uses it he about cums right then and there). we all know how az views himself, and while i do think that'll improve with his book, he'd still really fucking enjoy being called good. it's like a drug to him. trust will be a big thing for az and his love interest, that's why i think it'd be so sexy if he did let go of control for her and was content to just let her do whatever she wanted to him

i loooove gwyn being a brat. especially if you think about her doing it all throughout the day, like she purposely pushes his buttons and argues and teases and then when they're finally alone... oh az will have her begging for it

i also like the idea of, let's say az, telling gwyn what to do. not to himself but to herself. like he tells her to touch herself and he guides her through that, telling her exactly how she should do it, how fast, when to cum, the whole shebang, ya know??

god i love thinking about their dynamic. sjm has the power to make my dream smut book with gwynriel and i'm (not so) patiently waiting for it

[bookofmirth]

I just realized something; when Azriel & Elain were about to kiss but Rhys interrupted them by speaking into Azriel’s mind, wouldn’t that mean since Rhys was inside Az’s mind that he could see how Azriel truly felt about Elain? Rhys said “if you need to fuck someone” he didn’t say love. I think if Azriel did have actual romantic feelings for Elain and told Rhys that, then his brother would be more understanding and want Az to be happy.

I think Azriel is scared his brothers are straying away from him and if he has Elain he’ll stay close with them. He’s so focused on three brothers and three sisters. Do you think Rhys saw/felt Azriel’s true feelings and do you think in some way that Az is taking advantage of Elain holding off on her mating bond?

Anon, this is such a great question and I'm so sorry to make you wait six weeks for an answer! I have thought about turning my inbox off just because I feel bad about making people wait, but I like checking it for little treats like this.

I think it's definitely possible that Rhys felt what Az was feeling, and that's why he stopped Azriel.

It begs the question, what was Rhys doing prying in the first place? How long was he "watching" Azriel, and for what reason? (If it's just for the sake of plot and drama I will pull my hair out.) Perhaps it was intentional. Perhaps it was something Rhys does every night, doing a quick little psychic scan of his house before bed. Or perhaps acosf really did take everything we thought we knew about Rhys and turned it on its head *coughpregnancyplot* because...

The only thing is, Rhys has said before that he sees going into someone's mind like that as a violation. Feyre views it the same way, as an inherently negative thing, an abuse of power, and we see that when she goes into Tarquin's mind, Lucien's, and when Nesta gets angry when she realizes that Feyre did that, asking if she'd (Feyre) ever done it to her (Nesta).

However... Azriel has been clenched tighter than... really tightly clenched things, every analogy I came up with was inappropriate bordering on offensive lmao. So I can see a scenario in which Rhys noticed Azriel being more uptight than usual during Solstice, and then deciding that he needs to keep a closer eye on his friend. It's worth noting that it's not just Solstice. Azriel's fight over spying on Briallyn occurred before Solstice, obviously the High Lord meeting occurred before that night, so Az has developed a pattern of losing his shit at inappropriate times. Rhys has probably been concerned about his friend/brother/sex-in-the-same-room buddy for quite a while now.

And that's the thing, right? During Solstice, when everyone was together and happy and Az was definitely Not, he acts out that night, with Elain. I don't see it as romantic for a bajillion reasons, but one of the major ones is that we saw him being tense and standoffish all night and the result of that wasn't a declaration of feelings or affection or caring, it was more akin to a teenage boy throwing a temper tantrum (rather than a man in love with a woman he can't have). That's how he acted when Rhys confronted him. He got angry, and rebellious, and fuck the consequences - which is exactly how he has been reacting to every other situation thrown his way lately (the high lord meeting, being told he can't spy on Briallyn). It isn't about Elain.

Eris slutshames Mor in the High Lord's meeting - Az loses his shit and attacks Eris

Rhys and Feyre tell him he can't spy on Briallyn - Az loses his shit and fights them all afternoon ("I wasn't asking permission" lmao jackass)

Rhys tells Az to back off of Elain - Az loses his shit and throws snowballs

There's something going on here, and it's not about one person. It's deeper and more personal than that.

Whether Rhys was in Az's mind and prying around in there intentionally, or just really observant of Az's behavior, I think he could have come to the same conclusion that there are no romantic feelings there. It'd definitely be interesting if he had been able to glean Azriel's emotions and that's why he put a stop to things in the first place. I'm not sure it's something we'd ever know, unless it gets referenced at some later point, but... that would be awkward for anyone who hasn't read it.

I don't know if I'd say Az is taking *advantage* of the fact that Elain hasn't acted on her mating bond. To me it more seems like he wants a mate of his own and is incredibly jealous of those around him who have one, it's playing into his feelings of not belonging. I can see him being frustrated that people (Elain and Lucien) who have the one thing he wants (a mating bond, belonging) are basically squandering it. Imagine someone who has something you want, and taking it for granted. IMO that's at play here.

[fieldofdaisiies]

Hey, can you write something about Azriel and reader decided to go on a vacation and they spend the most romantic quality time with each other....like walking around the streets of new town and shopping Azriel buying lots of stuff for reader and ofcourse lotttss of Sex ❤ ( Like their honeymoon phase ) Smutty and fluff 🥺❤

of course, I love the idea. Hope you like the story <;33

Azriel x Reader | Honeymoon

type: fluff/smut  warnings: explicit scenes, so much fluff, soft Azzy, slightly public sex word count: 1604

*all rights reserved*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You may be the oh so smart and intelligent spymas—hey!” A loud laugh left you when Azriel pinched your butt. It was your punishment for teasing him. Azriel threw you a wicked grin when you once again interlaced your fingers with his so he could not pinch you again. “That was so very rude, my mate. But as I was trying to say, you might be the smart spymaster, but you are so very wrong. We definitely have to go into this direction to get to the beach!”

Azriel shook his head and pointed into the other direction. “Wrong. We have to go there, my love.”

You had been walking for quite some time, chatting, laughing and simply enjoying each others company. Two days ago you had started your honeymoon—Azriel had taken you to the continent, to Vallahan. You hadn’t known how beautiful this kingdom, its cities and its beaches, were, so still now you found yourself in complete awe while walking through the small allies and streets. Just a month ago you had accepted the bond, the love between your two souls now stronger than ever before. And so was the frenzy. Many times you found it hard to keep your hands from each other or to not rip the other person’s clothes of right where you stood. 

A happy, cheery sound escaped you when you jumped up and pointed your finger forward. “Ha!” you expressed, “I told you. It is right there. The sea is right there. See, I told you. Tell me I am the smartest person in the world!”

Azriel laughed loudly, pulled you to him and let his hands fall to your hips. For a long moment he simply stared at you, examined your face and took a deep breath. When he leaned forward he kissed your forehead and smiled against your skin. 

“My mate truly is the smartest person alive. I couldn’t feel more honoured or proud to call you mine.” It was then sincerity with which he had said it that made tears creep into your eyes. You arms curled around Azriel’s strong torso in an instant, snuggling your face against his chest. “I love you so much,” you whispered which the shadowsinger returned with similar words. He kissed the top of your head before asking you if you would like to  grab something to eat before heading to the beach—you agreed.

While walking to a small restaurant that was situated right next to the beach Azriel decided he had to spoil you with earrings and a necklace. He said that the diamonds on both of them resembled your eyes so much he simply had to buy them for you. Azriel loved the way your eyes started to glow when he said something like this, it made his chest warm and his heart swell. 

Neither of you weren’t too hungry so you opted for a small meal, consuming it at the beautiful terrace of the restaurant. Sunset was about to begin and you had an inkling that Azriel wanted to watch it on the beach with you. 

“Are you happy, my love?” you questioned when you finished your meal and brushed your hand over your mate’s. Azriel smiled and nodded his head. “I couldn’t be happier.” Leaning over the table you quickly pecked his lips before Azriel paid and the two of you go up. You didn’t get a chance to leave the restaurant, Azriel stopped you, tugging on your wrist to come closer to him. 

Azriel pulled you with your back against his chest, the both of you now staring out at the sea, the sinking sun on the horizon, still standing on the small terrace. Gods, it was beautiful, you thought to yourself. 

“It is stunning,” you whispered. Azriel kissed your neck, his hand clasping yours in front of your body. “Not nearly half as stunning as you are.” His lips descended, moving lower to your shoulder where he bit down softly.

“Az,” you murmured, feeling your toes curl and eye lids getting heavy.

Memories of the previous night, of how Azriel had taken you —first on the couch, later on the floor, then in your bedroom and lastly in the bathtub— flashed your mind and made it hard to breathe for a moment.

“Thinking about this morning?” Azriel whispered against the shell of your ear and in an instant all your thoughts went to that morning. You had started off with making your mate feel good, kneeling down in front of the breakfast table, devouring your mate. Later Azriel had made love to you on the table and then against the wall. He had promised you more of that in that evening, but something about how his body already moved against yours, how his scent started to change, told you that you would not have to wait until tonight until you returned to your shared place. 

“Let’s go down to the beach, shall we?” Humming you dipped your chin. Yeah, you would like that a lot. With entangled fingers your made your way into the still warm sand, slowly strutting towards the sea. There were hardly any people left when Azriel guided you over the beach, nearing a little passageway that would lead you to a closed-off bay. 

The sand was still slightly warm under your feet, you had taken off your shoes earlier. 

“Have you ever made love in the sand, my beautiful mate?” You giggled at the spymaster’s question, your heart starting to beat faster when colour crept into your cheeks. “No,” you answered and smiled sheepishly. 

Azriel brushed his thumb over your cheek, a grin spreading from ear to ear. “I think we need to change that. Would you like that?” You bowed your head and bit down on your lip, knowing it would drive your mate crazy. “I would love that a lot. But isn’t it dangerous, that we get caught?” “It is nearly fully dark outside, so no, I don’t think it is dangerous. But if you feel uncomfortable with it we can also head home?” To that you shook your head. You wanted it. And you wanted him. “No, I want it. Here and now!” 

Azriel seemed pleased about your answer, his hands sliding to your neck so he could bring you in for a kiss. His lips closed over yours in a passionate kiss, tongue teasing your lips, his mouth tasting yours. Azriel hummed into the kiss, his hand softly stroking down your sides to the hem of your dress. He tugged on it until you lifted your arms and only shortly broke the kiss so Azriel could take the piece of clothing off. His shirt followed and so did his pants which you skillfully untied and then let drop into the sand. After stepping out of them and his underwear, Azriel placed his shirt on the ground and sat down on it. You looked down at your so very naked and utterly beautiful mate, large wings draped in the sand, broad shoulders squared, his strong thighs waiting for you to finally sit down on them. “This is reckless,” you expressed while climbing over your mate’s lap and sitting down not yet sinking down on his already rigid length but rather sitting down a bit lower on his legs. “We don’t have to do this. I already told you that we—ugh, fuck—“ 

You softly stroked his proud length, fingers curling tightly around him while your gaze never left his. “I said it was reckless, not that I didn’t want it.” You squeezed him lightly, making Azriel groan low in his throat. Shifting on his thighs and lifting yourself up you finally let yourself sink down on him, your nails digging into your mate’s shoulders while you both groaned at the feeling of him sliding into you. Finally fully seated you wasted no moment before starting to rock your hips against your mate’s. Your knees, braced on either side of your mate, dug into the sand, one of your arms curled around Azriel’s neck the other started toying with his wing. Cauldron, how Azriel adored wing play. He growled lowly, groaned and thrusted his hips up, hitting the spot deep inside of you. He did not even try to keep his thrusts shallow, letting you ride him, letting you scream curses and his names. Your mate’s shadows played with your nipple, Azriel’s thumb rubbing the bundle of nerves, bringing you closer and closer to the edge. “Say that you are mine and only mine,” Azriel commanded and softly bit down on your neck.

"I am yours, fully and forever yours, Azriel!” 

You felt him twitch inside of you, knowing he was close, and let your nail scrape over the vein leading up to his talon. Azriel threw his head back, growling from the somewhere deep in his throat. You came simultaneously, riding out your heights together before falling back into the sand, holding on tightly to each other.

“Best fucking time of my life. I can’t tell you enough times how much I love you. I cannot even put into words how much I love you,” Azriel said against your head, his soft lips brushing your hair. 

“I can only return it. You are the best thing in my life.”

tags: @juulle987 @marimorena06 @danikasthings @younxii @nightcourtwritings @mrofontaine @lunalilyf @whor-3-crux @tired-all-the-time @anni-was-here @ummmmmwat @azbracadabra @j-pendragonx @hollyismentallyillhelp @famousbasementpainter @bsenpai @lena-davina @red-highlady @thesugatoyourtae @azrielsbitxh @cityofidek @moony-thoughts @wrensical003

[acourtofthought]

Regarding Lucien’s scars. I think it’s basically a headcanon in the fandom that Lucien still has the scars on his back from being whipped, but if those are present in canon too, that could be interesting. Howeverrrr… the facial scar must be kind of a big deal for Lucien. Amarantha attacked him 50ish years ago and then within a few days she organized that masquerade ball “in Lucien’s honor” - the masked theme was a scheme to help him basically hide what she did to his face. Then the masks were plastered to the faces of everyone in Spring Court because Tamlin didn’t accept to sleep with Amarantha. So here’s Lucien, hiding his scars for 50 years no matter how uncomfortable the whole mask situation may have been… but now his facial scar that he cannot hide anywhere (unlike Azriel’s hands) is just in full view for anyone who looks at him. I think there is no question about it. He must be self conscious about it, especially since he thinks Elain is the most beautiful female he has ever seen and she doesn’t reciprocate anything yet. People have been writing about it here on tumblr recently but I really hope SJM explores Lucien’s character from this perspective too. I assume he must feel very inadequate compared to Elain. She has so much (family, friends, connected to the IC, safety and security, beauty, etc.), whereas Lucien refers to himself as a whole lot of nothing. He doesn’t have a home or even a court, he’s basically all alone in the fae world, his closest allies are two humans who so far don’t have much power or influence in Prythian. I assume he is probably also unhappy with his looks after such a traumatic experience. I hope SJM explores this, I think that would be a really cool addition to Elucien’s healing journey. Even though Lucien is quite snarky and cocky outwardly, his inner monologue seems very self conscious. Ahhh SJM give us the angstttttt

I AGREE!!!!!! I think while there are sincere aspects of Lucien's personality that are (hahaha, I just accidentally typed snocky which was my brain getting confused on whether I wanted to type snarky or cocky first) snarky and cocky, I also feel it's a default mechanism too. Lucien is known to take care in his appearance and he is aware of appearances. Even in book once he was a bit of a fashionista, commenting on how Feyre's tunic wasn't as pretty as a dress and being amazed at how positively fae she looked when she did finally put one on. There's also this: Lucien said, "True. But indulge me: you're a human woman, and yet you'd rather eat hot coals than sit here longer than necessary. Ignoring this" - he waved a hand at the metal eye and brutal scar on his face-" surely we're not so miserable to look at. Lucien must be constantly aware of others looking at him and I'm guessing he's never sure if it's about the eye or if his scars are unappealing to them. For someone who does care about appearances, whose job it is to talk to High Lords and make friends to be a successful emissary, there is definitely an inner discomfort he's trying to brush off through his nonchalance and jokes about his appearance. I think you're right. Elain is beautiful to the point that people talk. Eris somehow heard across courts that Lucien's mate is a real beauty. She had heiresses jealous of her at barely thirteen. Her mother commented that if her beauty held, she'd be able to secure them a decent match on the marriage market (Elain was 11). So Lucien comes along and not only is he given this super special, sacred bond with her but she turns out to be the most beautiful female he'd ever seen all while knowing that she's in love with someone else. And there he is, with no home, no family name, a scar running down his face and one eye. I would take Lucien in a second and we know that many in the ACOTAR world reference his good looks but you can see how he would struggle with his appearance. You can see how Elain literally took his breath away and she did not seem effected by him (I imagine we'll find out that wasn't the truth in her POV but it's how he perceived it at the time). He thinks she doesn't want him or need him and I definitely think we're going to find that he's been feeling very insecure about her perception of his physical appearance.