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pastelwitchling · 7 months

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A Curse for True Love by Stephanie Garber

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This book is a little more complicated than the previous two, I think. Spoilers below.

To be completely honest, this book was not a 5-star read for most of it. Then the final fourth happened, and I was enamored. I don't think the book itself is worth 5 stars, I think it has quite a few problems, which I'll get into in a second, but I absolutely adore Evangeline, Jacks, Chaos, and Lala, I love the world, I love the writing, and I'm so obsessed with the romance that I don't think I needed this book to be flawless, I just needed it to be... itself (?), and it managed to do that.

Nevertheless, here are some of the reasons that kept it at a 4 to 4.5-star rating for most of the story;

- Jacks... was barely in this. At least for more than the first half, and that's too much time for a main character to be missing. The blurb made it sound like Jacks and Apollo were going to be kind of in competition with each other for Evangeline's heart (the tagline was literally, May the best villain win), and yet for almost the entire story, Jacks has no idea that it was Apollo who had erased Evangeline's memory in the first place.

- The pacing was very slow. The entire first half could've so easily been condensed. There were moments when I was getting just a little bored while reading. Now, I was suffering severe PMS pain, and maybe I just needed a better distraction, but that doesn't change the fact that the pacing was very slow. It's book 3, the final one, and we were STILL having the same conversations with Jacks about how dangerous it was for them to be together, and him pushing Evangeline away. I understand WHY he was doing it, but it's the LAST book and we were still going in circles for so much of it.

If this book had been 700-800 pages or wasn't the last one, I would've understood why it was moving so slowly. But more than halfway through and NOTHING was really happening? More than halfway through and the main couple is BARELY together? It's just too much, to be honest.

- Chaos was barely in this as well. I was sure he had some feelings or attachment to Evangeline in the previous book, so I thought that at the very least, he would be more involved. Maybe it's just a personal thing, but I really loved him as a character, and thought we could've used a lot more of him.

- There was no weight to the Valor's return. This ancient founding family had come back from the dead, and it was kind of dismissed as an afterthought.

That's really all on the parts that dragged the book down a bit. For what I loved...

- Evangeline. As always. I love her unique personality, I love how she's allowed to be this POLITE girly girl who loves pink and sparkles and pretty things and dreams and magic and still be such a strong character. In this era of adorkable/emotionless female main characters, Evangeline Fox is such a breath of fresh air.

- Evangeline and Jacks. Words cannot express. I've already said this before, but I have not loved a fictional couple like the way I love these two since Celia and Marco from The Night Circus, which is the highest form of praise coming from me. The chemistry, the romance, the AESTHETIC. Don't touch me.

- Evangeline and Lala's friendship. This is why the pacing bothered me so much. I wanted so much more of these two together, I adore them. I feel like they're what the sister relationship in the Caraval series SHOULD'VE been.

- I loved Jacks saying he didn't even remember what Tella looked like and Evangeline being his everything and the truth behind the curse. I was worried we wouldn't get an answer for that true love's kiss, but ohhhh did Miss Garber deliver.

- That kiss and what followed. I can't even... I... *brain malfunction*

- I knew that's what the ugly tree would do, I so KNEW it, and it was very satisfying.

- I'm glad that Aurora turned out to be a psycho. It was very fun, but also, I hated her from the first page. I can't stand too-perfect characters with adorkable/sassy personalities. I'm just glad that I got to hate her with reason, that's all :)

Just overall everything. Like I said, this book alone isn't flawless, but neither were the last two and I still gave those 5 stars. The biggest thing is that this book doesn't feel like an ending, it feels more like it's kind of already setting up the next series, which is NEVER how a book should feel. Still, I fell in love with this series because of the characters and the relationships and the world, and all of that stays true to itself, so. Also, I think it helps that I went into this after heavily mixed reviews, so I knew to force my expectations down. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go look into getting the pretty British pastel editions of this glorious series.

#a curse for true love #acftl #acftl spoilers #stephanie garber #evangeline fox #jacks x evangeline #jacks prince of hearts #ouabh #ouabh 3 #rin reads

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bobafett51 · 6 months

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Dear Grandpa

I played Samba Pa Ti during my Grandpa's funeral. On my acoustic guitar, right after I gave his eulogy. It was easily the hardest speech I ever had to give, I imagine I'll have more hard ones down the line.

When I say I played Samba Pa Ti, I really mean I played the first few riffs. After that, I don't know what I played. I was possessed by the Holy Spirit and went into what Carlos Santana calls supersonic mode. Supersonic mode is when you allow the Holy Spirit to take control during your solo. It allows you to play the things you don't know how to otherwise express or feel. I've never seen the experience of losing yourself to the music described in any better way to me.

The reason I played Samba Pa Ti was because my grandpa loved the song (so does another one of my close relatives). Further, Santana and my Grandpa are what got me into playing guitar. My Grandpa would always talk about Santana and I wanted to be like someone my Grandpa really liked, so I decided to pick up the guitar.

Recently, I was really missing my grandpa. I thought I had fully processed the trauma of losing him, but I hadn't. Due to my autism and Alexithymia, up until a few months ago I never processed any of my trauma. Last week my mom pointed out how my Grandpa and I shared a unique bond together. One that we didn't have with anybody else in the world. We were special to each other and loved each other in a way only we could love one another. The one thing about losing a loved one is that there will always be a hole in your heart. A hole that will never be filled on this mortal earth.

The same night my mom did this I really wanted to reach out to his best friend, who was a close family friend, like an uncle to me. But I couldn't sleep, the whole night I laid tossing and turning. When I did get a little sleep I think I saw my uncle. When I gave up on sleeping and decided to start getting ready for the day, my family got a phone call from his daughter. My uncle passed away that same night.

Looking for guidance for this and other uncertainties in my life I turned to the bible and was guided to Luke 17:6, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, `Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you." I have faith in god's designs and plans, including the painful parts I used to wish never happened.

I have come to love the things I wish never happened. I'm here for my uncle's family, I understand what they're going through, I can help them better because of it. Similarly, my friend is currently losing her grandpa and I can be there for her, even better because of what I've experienced. Suffering, grief, loss, they're all part of the human existence. But by experiencing them we can form even deeper connections to those we care about and that are in our lives.

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batrachised · 1 year

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The Blythe kids, ranked

tagging @gogandmagog and @mollywog to also rank the kids in my extremely niche 'rank the blythe kids' challenge (if you want to!)

caveat that this is all my personal preference and I haven't read Rainbow Valley or Anne of Ingleside in years--however, I do remember my opinion of the kids from when I read it.

5. Nan and Di

Sorry to Nan and Di, but they never really became real people to me. I don't place the fault at their feet but rather at the fact that we never really got to explore their adult viewpoint--they're very much background characters in Rilla. It's to the point that I can't pick which one I prefer, because both of them kind of blend together in my head. We know that adult Nan loves Jerry, giving us insight in her tastes, and adult Di is best friends with Walter--and that's about it. They're part of the war effort, but not in a way that would reveal any unique insights into their character.

4. Jem

DON'T KILL ME I know Jem is dashing and Lil Jem is adorable, but he kinds of reads as a more aggressive version of Gilbert. However, just because he's ranked so low here doesn't mean I don't hold a deep love for him. I especially love his relationship with Walter (and the fact that he named his son Walter...pain). I have a story idea that involves a series of vignettes of Jem and Walter growing up together--Jem, who always looked out for his little brother, until one day he couldn't anymore. Someone here had the brilliant point that Jem comes back to Ingleside after the war and everyone has already mourned Walter, but to him, as he states in the book, it's all fresh. What must that be like, having a little brother you always protected die a violent death.

Jem also demonstrates two interesting things throughout AoGG: (1) he had trouble understanding Walter growing up, which makes sense because they were very different, and (2) in the end, he was one of the people who knew Walter best. He recognized, unlike many others until Walter's death, that Walter was the bravest of them all; as he states, only Walter's imagination scared him, not reality.

3. Shirley

Shirley, you say?? The Shirley we barely know anything about it?? Shirley over Jem??

I don't have an explanation for you; I just have this inexplicable soft spot for the quietest of the Blythes. Perhaps also because he is "Mother Susan's" son; I think that was a beautiful plot line for LMM to include. Perhaps it's because I read a fantastic story the other day describing him as the observer, and I was like "so true" as I read it.

Shirley is interesting because he's different. None of the other Blythes come across as quiet or shy, because they are, after all, Anne Shirley's children. To me, that raises the question of what it must have been like growing up in a family so different from you. Because of that, I don't suffer the same issue I do with Nan and Di, of lacking unique insights despite the almost complete lack of Shirley's viewpoint throughout the books. Shirley is set up almost (unintentionally) as a foil to the others, which makes up for his otherwise near absence in most of the books. We know that he's uncomfortable with displays of emotion and that he prefers to walk in companiable silence rather than chattering. That, combined with the contrast to the other figures in his life, makes for a compelling character to me, even if this compelling character never got fleshed out.

2. Rilla

I've written before about how Rilla is one of the more interesting of Anne's children because she's very different from the typical LMM heroine. She's flighty, shallow, and self-involved. This makes her journey all the more touching, however, as she grows into a mature woman, shaped by WWI irrevocably. Including Rilla on the list does somewhat feel like a cheat, because she benefits from the focus of an entire book. Which means it's all the more surprising (although not if you follow me) that in first place, we have...

Walter

Your honor--I love him. Please, someone make a movie about him. Please, someone write more fanfic about him. Walter Blythe is a gentle man who is also full of rage; a sensitive man who hates the thought of pain but when the time comes can look it straight in the eye without flinching. He's bullied growing up, and bullied again as a grown-up. He's implied to have a depth that the other characters do not have; I don't mean in how he has premonitions, nor do I mean a literary depth, but rather, LMM marks him as one of a kind special person (almost in a 'chosen one' sense). The others grimly or excitedly prepare for the war; Walter immediately knows that the world will never be the same again. The others are confident, even arrogant, if timid; Walter is crippled by self doubt. Many of the others, although not all, possess a firm practicality and down to earth humor; Walter is dreamy with his head in the clouds. The others get into spats or childish fistfights as onlooks cheer; Walter beats Dan Reese so savagely he makes the onlookers cry. The others form meaningful romantic relationships; Walter never does because, tragically, he runs out of time. Gentle, savage, fearful, brave; Walter Blythe is all of these things and more. He is also doomed. LMM marks him as doomed from the beginning, lending a dark undertone to his story that no other LMM character has. Walter's life--his fate--is shaped by violence: fear of it, flight from it, defeat of it, death from it. This shaping results in him being the most unique Blythe child, and in my opinion, most unique LMM character.

(On a lighter note, hollywood execs if you're reading this, I will pay you 4 billion fake dollars if you make a movie about walter blythe...I never felt the need to write LMM fanfic except about him, i'm that desperate for more content)

#ps I didn't include Joyce because :(#blythe children #walter blythe #aogg #rilla of ingleside #lm montgomery

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inquisimer · 4 months

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in the middle of my chaos

For OC kiss week day 6, a reunion between @demawrites' Morgon Trevelyan and my Siobhan Hawke. Some things have changed in big ways - some things are exactly the same.

read it on ao3 here

Female Hawke/Male Trevelyan | Rated G | 629 words | No CW

Siobhan was already several drinks in, lazily kicking her heels against the bar when he stepped through the mirror. She reached out a hand and Morgon drew near enough for her to hook a finger in his belt and tug him close.

“Took you long enough,” she said, and pulled him down into a kiss against that damnable smirk he always wore. His tongue traced her lips and she relished in the familiar push-pull of their meeting. When they parted, his eyes were already open, watching her carefully.

“There’s been some…developments, on my end,” he said lowly. Not an apology, but a taunt, a tease. Siobhan raised one brow, ice clinking as she swirled her whiskey. Pointedly, she didn’t say anything. She couldn’t—she knew more than him, in some ways.

Morgon rapped on the bar and motioned for a drink. Then, he turned his fist over and held his palm out for Siobhan to inspect. She nearly dropped her glass, nostrils flaring with against a sharp, surprised inhale.

Across the callouses, a painfully familiar green light pushed his skin apart. The Mark of the Inquisitor. It sparked and flared in response to emotions he kept hidden and a wave of murmurs rippled across the bar as people took note. None raised a fuss; most everyone here either lived this moment, or knew someone who had. Or they were going to. There was an Inquisitor in every universe, after all. It seemed Morgon got that honor, in his.

“Fuck,” Siobhan finally said. She set her drink down and cupped his hand with both of hers. The skin under the magic was warm and buzzing slightly; healing generally evaded her, but she probed the edges of the mark with her mana, exploring.

Morgon clenched his jaw and his fist, pulling his hand out of her grasp. “Don’t do that.”

The bartender slid over a glass of amber liquid and Morgon tossed most of it down in one go. Siobhan couldn’t blame him—it was the sort of thing that required something strong.

“Where are you?”

“In a bar,” he snipped. “Just like you.”

Siobhan glared. He clearly wasn’t keen on elaborating, but her mind was spinning. How much could she say? How much should she say? She knew how things played out for her—disastrous and uniquely painful. But she didn’t know the players in Morgon’s Inquisition; most of the time they shared wasn’t spent talking.

“Why did you come here, if not to discuss it?”

“To get away from—“ he gestured at the now dormant Eluvian that brought him here. “Turns out I can only stand so much righteous condescension before I stab someone and there’s a disturbing lack of people in Haven that I’m actually allowed to shank.”

In spite of herself, Siobhan snorted. “Sounds like your employers aren’t giving you enough enrichment.”

Morgon scoffed. “Employers. More like long-suffering chaperones. If they could shunt this thing to someone more palatable, they would do it in a heartbeat.”

“They’ll learn. We don’t always get to pick our heroes.”

“I’m no hero.”

Siobhan shrugged. “Maybe not. But they’re going to make you into one, whether it suits your plan or not.”

“I’ll make it suit my plan.” A dark semblance of a smile twisted Morgon’s face. The press of glass against his lips drew Siobhan’s gaze like a magnet, held on the way his tongue flicked out and slowly caught the flecks of alcohol left behind. “But in the meantime…”

He caught her chin between his fingers and kissed her again, a searing, demanding embrace.

“I came here for a distraction,” he murmured. Siobhan’s answering grin was a delightful, wicked thing. She tangled her fingers in his hair and brought their lips back together.

“That, I can manage.”

#ockiss24 #oc kiss week #my writing #dragon age #dragon age inquisition #da2 #dai #dragon age fanfic #oc: siobhan hawke #morgon trevelyan #ws: nothing but my aching soul

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rottenprincessshura100 · 2 years

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Notes on demon ashes, demon eaters and regeneration. Blue Exorcist

I'm delving into the ashes of demons in Blue Exorcist.

Under the right circumstances, they can be regenerated by Nephilim of great power and demon eaters.

What is a demon eater?

According to the An No Exorcist Wiki,

"Demon Eaters are humans that force demons to possess them to take control of the demons' powers.

While it is a highly valuable ability to have, it is not without risk. Should the demon eater attempt to consume a demon with more power than they can control, a catastrophic reaction can occur, resulting in injury or death."

But here's the thing: if a demon eater consumed demons in slow increments, they could technically become more resilient and powerful. Saburota Todo figured it out. He started off eating lower-level demons, working his way upward to the more powerful ones.

By the time Saburota battled Yukio, you can argue that he wasn't a human any longer but a new type of hybrid demon. A demon that was born in Assiah instead of Gehenna, and from all appearances. immortal. It didn't matter how much demonic power he used; he healed. That is because he made sure to eat demons known for their regenerative abilities.

Yukio tried to get Todo to overload his body when they fought in Kyoto, but he was already transformed into his new and improved self. Todo couldn't be overloaded...

The only defence Yukio had to stop Todo was water. Fully engulfed in flames, Todo's body turned into ash. Once Yukio doused the ashes, they couldn't regenerate as easily into his immortal form.

At this point, the exorcists had to collect the wet ash and store it in separate containers to stop Todo from regenerating. (It's what Abel mentioned when they were trying to figure out what to do with baby Rin. "To stop the demon from returning...the body must be kept in a state of perpetual destruction." Ouch.)

Lucikly for Todo, his remains quickly started to dry, and he pulled himself back together and escaped.

Here's the weird part, and I admit, I don't fully understand it.

Demon kings do not have the regenerative power of demon-eaters. They are parasites from Gehenna. If they overuse their power, their human bodies will rot.

Demon kings reanimate dead flesh or keep living flesh in a prison of healing and injury until the body simply dies. The demon eater, on the other hand, seems to be able to regenerate over and over. They are living beings born of Assiah. Living flesh that has been "powered up" to immortality.

The only reason Satan was able to regenerate after Angel cut him down in chapter 134 had to do with the elixir. Satan was given one drop of elixir, which was harvested from Saburota's altered demonic essence. This is what keeps him coming back....

------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, so what is Rin Okumura?

He's a hybrid "Super-Nephilim."

Rin Okumura can also regenerate from ashes and terrible injuries and seems to have identical powers to a demon eater. But he didn't absorb or eat any demons; he was carefully bred from different sources of demon-altered DNA. The results, however, are the same as Todo. Rin is now immortal.

Rin's regenerative ability is most likely inherited by Shemihaza. And by all accounts, Rin is very unique. We still don't know what other powers Rin possesses. But Satan hates Rin. Because he wants to BE RIN...Rin is everything a demon king strives to be.

----------------------------------------------------------------

GETTING BACK TO ASHES.

Rin takes after his mother, Yuri.

I'm pretty bugged right now. Everybody assumed that Yuri was just an exorcist with temptaint from Satan. But I'm 100% sure now that she was already a very powerful Shemihaza/Amaimon Nephilium that was also exposed to Satan's temptaint. She's pretty much the same as Rin DNA-wise.

Yuri dies after Shemihaza uses her powers to make her bleed out.

Shiro, is devastated by all the pain and suffering Yuri went through at the hands of Satan, Mephisto, section 13 and himself. He burnt her body and scattered her ashes at sea. He wanted her to rest in peace, but Yuri isn't dead.

She's a hybrid and will eventually regenerate.

Of course, the water will somewhat slow that regeneration, but Yuri will be born again and walk out of the water. Hence, her name is Yuri Egin, which can translate to Lily of Water, or Water Lily.

(Mephisto totally named her that..) I dunno it's a Lilith innuendo or something.

Yuri's ashes were not separated and sealed away....she's coming back!

But wait, we also have ONE MORE SET OF ASHES to talk about.

Lucifer's ashes.

Remember when granny Shemihaza uses the power of her crystal to turn Lucifer to ashes? Those ashes were collected by the Uzai to be sealed away.

Jerimiah stole the ashes. We don't know what for, but he was willing to kill the other Uzai for them.

But who could turn these back into a viable body if demon kings can't regenerate from their own ashes? And obviously, it's possible, because why all the security around them?

Somebody that has powers of regeneration beyond themselves, and we haven't seen that yet. We haven't seen anyone regenerate a body for someone else. But that's not saying it isn't possible. And if it was possible, the demon kings wouldn't need to suffer. I think these new hybrid human/demons might be the key.

We have three people that might be able to regenerate ash for the demon kings.

Rin Yuri Shiemi

Even more importantly, who would the body be for? Would it be used for Lucifer or possibly Angel?

#blue exorcist #mephisto pheles #ao no exorcist #blue exorcist theories #todo #shiro fujimoto #yuri egin #rin okumura #lucifer

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dreadfutures · 2 years

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Hello! I'm late but for DADWC (feeling the drama tonight): “kill me right now then, I dare you” for Ixchel/Solas (or another pairing if it works better?)

You know, this was supposed to be for dadrunkwriting but I couldn't wait til Friday.

This felt just perfect for the aftermath of Walkers of the Lonely Path, a Mirrorverse installation where Ixchel went through an eluvian and ended up in an interdimensional dungeon crawl with several of my friends' OCs.

So here is Ixchel grappling with the consequences of never revealing the truth about her knowledge, and Solas, and the end of the world. And for the first time, Solas finds out the truth of the Mirrorverse.

-:-:-

The chill of Falon'Din's temple had never quite left her. Not after the bar. Not after Elloway's hugs. Not after her tears. No matter how Syr held her in his lap and no matter how Gethrael laid his head in her lap too, the chill remained bone deep.

She shivered uncontrollably with it now.

"Ixchel?" Solas asked.

"I--I'm ready to tell you," she whispered, and she stood. It was hard to let go of his warm hand, but she let it fall as she took a step away from the bed, then another, and began to pace.

"The eluvian led me to a Temple of Falon'Din this time," she began shakily. "I don't know if it's one from our world, or if it's something you would be familiar with. There were many trials--against fear, about partnership, about...subjugation... At the end of it lay his Well, but it was empty."

She had started with the easy parts, and she spared a glance at him to ascertain his reaction. The way he inclined his head told her that he knew the Temple of which she spoke, and the rangers that lay within.

"I was joined by others. Some were those I had met at the bar. But there were others. And one of my old friends was missing." She swallowed hard. "The Dreamer."

Solas' face darkened. "I imagine there were many demons," he said. "I hope your friend was not in too much pain."

"I don't think the demons could do anything more to her than she was already suffering," Ixchel said bitterly. "Solas... When I go through these eluvians, the people I meet are not simply from other worlds who have Inquisitors... They are Inquisitors. They all go by 'Lavellan'."

She pointedly did not look at Solas now. "They aren't me. They have counterparts to all of my friends in their worlds, but none of them know of a me, probably because I died in their Conclaves, or perhaps stayed with their Clans, or perhaps I died in the Blight. But--but we are all connected by this experience. I still don't know what makes this all come together, but I know without a doubt we all need it. Solidarity. Friendship. Some unique comfort."

"Ixchel."

"I couldn't tell them!" Ixchel exclaimed, facing him. He had said her name in such an accusatory, pained voice that she could not mistake as anything but blame. He knew she had not warned them against their own Dread Wolves. "I couldn't tell them, Solas! They are each so, so different from me. I thought if you could be swayed in this life, with me, now that I am stronger and--and braver, and better, then they could do it without me telling them!" she insisted. "If I had warned them, they might have done something drastic."

"Such as?" he asked coldly. "If you truly believed they are better than you, which is a point of fact I would dispute, why would you believe they would resort to such a measure?"

They stared at each other in silence as her guilt ran thick in her throat, choking whatever response she might have had for him. Her eyes were glassy with tears that would not fall, and she hardly dared to blink, let alone breathe.

At last, his gaze hardened. "What happened, Ixchel?"

That was a far easier thing to address. She exhaled harshly with relief, which itself was short-lived. The facts were easier to recite, but just as hard to stomach, as the hypotheticals they were avoiding.

"The same thing that happened to me," she admitted. "We found Elloway at the site of the Well. She had lost the Anchor. And she was searching for a way to stop him--looking for sources of power and knowledge, some alternative to tearing down the Veil, or something to fight him with." Ixchel swallowed again, and this time her tears felt like glass in her throat. "Elloway, the pacifist. The one all of us would die for in a heartbeat. If anyone was more deserving of his admiration or--"

"'His,'" Solas repeated scornfully.

Ixchel clenched her fists. "We've been over this," she spat. "You are not him, and he is not you. And neither of those truths are set in stone. You always have a choice."

"Once again," Solas said, unfaltering and flat, "you make your own hope seem foolhardy. Even in the kindest light, your truth dictates that you should kill me. Right now."

His eyes darkened as he watched the first tears spill down her scarred cheek.

"I don't want to have this fight again," she said plaintively.

"Then what do you want?" he demanded. "What do you expect from me, Ixchel? My world dies anew every day I turn my back on them, and your old world dies an endless death, and now we know that countless others are out there, burning at my hand--"

"I."

Ixchel stopped herself instantly.

'I' was the problem, wasn't it?

"I am in pain," she said at last. "Yes--I know there are these worlds in which we make the wrong choices. But. They are not our fault, Solas. Not ours. We made our mistakes and learned from them." Her breath was coming quickly now, her diaphragm beginning to seize. She scrubbed furiously at her face with her forearm, but that only made it harder to see through her tears. "I am just. Hurting for my friend."

"But you could have told her," Solas said quietly. "So it is your fault."

Ixchel could not help the sob that tore from her then. "We all agreed!" she shouted through her tears. "We promised not to tell each other too much. We all knew there were dangers we could warn each other about, but decided not to do that."

"Then you should resign yourself to this pain," he replied. "It is the cost of that choice."

Ixchel threw down her hands and stamped her foot. "I understand!"

"So you have brought me your guilt for commiseration? I may be an expert, but I thought I was meant to encourage you not to follow in my footsteps. And I thought you understood that." His lips were pale and bloodless as he watched her a moment longer, and then he exhaled heavily through his nose and bowed his head. "So I will ask you, then. Do all of them know now, or do you have some hope to assuage your further guilt?"

Ixchel stared at him in dismay as the realization dawned on her. She still had time to tell the others: Gethrael, Virelan, Syr... She did not know when she would see them next, but she could hope, perhaps, that she would reunite with them before their Solas left...

"Ixchel," Solas said under his breath. "Another question. If it comes down to it, in these other worlds, for the sake of these other Inquisitors and their homes... If you want them, or if you do not... Would you be able to kill me?"

"Yes," Ixchel said, and when she saw the predictable mixture of relief and self hatred darken his features, she scowled. "But I will not. Not in any world." She jabbed a finger in his direction. "There is always a chance that you--that he--could make the choice as you did. And I will not be the one to take that away."

"It is the fate of worlds we are discussing, Ixchel," Solas protested, rising to his feet. "Your warning or my death might be the catalyst to save--"

"Let me be concerned about one world, and the lives I touch within it!" she shouted. "Does trust mean nothing? Does hope? Free will?"

"They could make informed choices, and you kept vital information from them!"

"No, he did!" she retorted. "It is his choice, not mine, and not yours."

"Why else would these mirrors bring you together?" Solas demanded furiously. "Is this not proof of the consequences? Is this not a choice ahead of you, for the next?"

"None of them love you like I do--"

"What does that matter, Ixchel?!" he cried. "If I am not him, then I am not him! Let him die! Be the one to betray him, kill him, and save your friends and their worlds! Countless universes may be condemned by your silence."

"I can't!" Ixchel sobbed. "What will they think of me, that I still love you, after everything?"

Solas grabbed her by the upper arms and shook her. "Maybe they will think you stupid, naive, foolish, or maybe they will believe as you do in the possibilities of the future," he said, every word landing like a blow.

Word by word she flinched and shrank in his grasp, until she was curled in on herself, arms wrapped around her chest protectively. It did nothing to stop the pain.

"Let it be their choice! But Ixchel, this may be one instance where your love, and your faith in paradoxical truths, is a poison and not a panacea. You must choose. You cannot waver--"

"Then I choose, alright?" she wailed. "I will choose you and choose to hope forever, and ever. I'll never step through another eluvian, I'll go live in the wilderness, where my choices can stop changing the whole fucking multiverse, and I—I--"

She yanked herself from his grasp, only to stumble. And this time when he caught her, she did not flinch away. She let herself be pulled tight, nearly lifted from her feet as he drew her into an embrace.

"Ir abelas," he said into her hair.

"You should be," she said through the anger that twisted her face. "Everything about this world is your fault, isn't it?"

He did not recoil, and a small part of her was disappointed. The larger part was relieved. She squirmed to get her arms free and slipped them around him as tight a hug as she could muster.

"We can't live like this," she sighed, then shivered a little. "At some point, we have to draw a line. We can't be saints, we can't not touch other lives, and we can't—we can't—"

A fresh wave of hot tears spilled from her eyes and soaked into his shirt. He tightened his fist in her hair and pressed her even closer.

"For the last time, then," he said in a resolute whisper. "Take this guilt you feel and for the last time, assuage it. Tell them the truth before it is too late, and I will help you weather the consequences without judgment. And then… We will stop taking the world upon our shoulders just for the comfort of its weight."

Ixchel nodded, but she asked: "Do you believe that?"

"It would not be the first time I had wished to run to the most remote place I could find, just to stop seeing my fingerprints on every twist of fate around me," he murmured. "But one of these days, it will be the last, will it not?"

She sighed. "One way or the other."

#long post #mirrors to the multiverse #ixchel lavellan #solavellan #angst city #broken mirrors #whiny whiny baby but they needed this #i've been sitting on the idea for months so the prompt really helped get it out there gin!!!

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christian-perspectives · 2 years

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Our God Can Do The Impossible

Not only CAN our God do the impossible, but according to the Bible, He DOES do the impossible. We know because we have seen His work. And also we know He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Take what the prophet Micah said. He prophesied some seemingly impossible things for his day and ours. With that, some of what he said, has already come to pass. What God told him to prophesy for our future though sounds impossible, to say the least. Then the remnant left in Israel will take their place among the nations. They will be like dew sent by the Lord or like rain falling on the grass, which no one can hold back and no one can restrain. Micah 5:7 Let’s quickly review Israel’s unique history. The descendants of Jacob’s sons became the 12 tribes of Israel. Joseph was disliked by his brothers. So they sold him into slavery. God, however, did the impossible by promoting Joseph from being a slave to the second in command of Egypt. Because of a famine, Joseph took care of his family in Egypt. This family left the protection of Egypt, 400 years later as a sizable population. Ever since then, opportunity after opportunity arose for their destruction, but it never happened. Many of the nations from Old Testament days no longer exist. But Jacob’s family, Israel, is still a force to be reckoned with, and God isn’t finished with them yet.

God will Gather Israel

According to the Bible, God will do the impossible task of bringing the nation of Israel back together again. Micah prophesied their return to the land God promised them. The people of Israel will be abandoned to their enemies until the woman in labor gives birth. Then at last his fellow countrymen will return from exile to their own land. Micah 5:3 John the Apostle also referred to this woman in Revelation whom Micah spoke about. I saw a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon beneath her feet, and a crown of twelve stars on her head. She was pregnant, and she cried out because of her labor pains and the agony of giving birth. Revelation 12:1-2 A couple of verses later in Revelation, it says this. She gave birth to a son who was to rule all nations with an iron rod. This goes right along with what Micah said. And he will stand to lead his flock with the Lord’s strength, in the majesty of the name of the Lord his God. Then his people will live there undisturbed, for he will be highly honored around the world. And he will be the source of peace. Micah 5:4-5

Nothing Is Impossible for God, Nothing!

On an occasion when a rich man came to Jesus, Jesus taught His disciples, “with God everything is possible.” Jeremiah made a similar statement one time when he prayed. O Sovereign Lord! You made the heavens and earth by your strong hand and powerful arm. Nothing is too hard for you! Jeremiah 32:17 We must hear and believe that nothing is impossible with God. When, however, an impossible situation faces us we must then ask ourselves this question, can we live it? Bible says one day the Lord will gather His church out of this world. We already see signs of the end times happening in the world today. The increase in sin and immorality has already affected the church. We could experience severe persecution before Jesus calls us home. How much will we need to endure before the return of Jesus? You must answer these two questions. Are you ready for the last days? Are you ready to trust God for the impossible? In the Old Testament, Israel went into captivity because they disobeyed God. Our obedience to God will get us to heaven. But it doesn’t make us immune to persecution.

Let Your Faith Shine

In Hebrews 11, the faith chapter, some people were persecuted and some were killed because of their faith. All over the world today Christians still suffer persecution. After the writer of Hebrews wrote about all these people of faith, he said this. All these people earned a good reputation because of their faith, yet none of them received all that God had promised. Hebrews 11:39 No matter what we go through in this life, our faith must shine. Whether God brings us through an impossible situation or we suffer persecution. Understand this, the Lord has something better for us. Thus, none of us have yet to receive all that God has promised. Lord, we know that you can not only do the impossible, you are the God of the impossible. Help us God to take the word impossible out of our vocabulary. Check out some other posts related to miracles. - Do You Need A Miracle? - When You See A Miracle, Faith, & Repentance Work Together - Expect A Miracle When You Need One - To get the full story, check out Micah 5. Read the full article

#BibleStudy #Devotions #Micah #Miracles

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my-least-favorite-savior · 3 years

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Should we first talk about why no other Volstrucker has ever left?

First of all, a big part of Trent’s process is making sure that they have nowhere else to go. First, he isolates them from their peers at the Academy. (Caleb says that Trent was originally one of many teachers he had the Academy, and then Trent became his primary teacher. Bren had no friends aside from his fellow Volstrucker trainees.) He takes over their schedules so they’re spending all of their time with him and others who are under his thumb, and he tells them that it’s because they are special and better than their peers anyway. They’re fifteen at this time, so they believe him. Then, he makes them kill their family. It’s kind of brilliant, in a sadistic way. He subjects them to slowly escalating abuse for years, and then he hands them a match and tells them to burn their only bridge away from him.

Let’s assume that Astrid really does have an uncle, and wasn’t just playing along. Of course she hasn’t spoken to him in years. What could she possibly say to him after murdering his sister? Making them kill their immediate families is also a pretty good way of blowing up their relationships with their extended families.

It’s not like Trent stops controlling them when they reach adulthood, either. They live in houses on his estate and report to him daily for orders. Trent chooses them when they’re 14 years old, destroys everything else they have, and keeps them right under his thumb for the rest of their lives.

Then he calls them family He takes their original families from them, but he offers his own twisted mockery of a family in return. And they take it, because it hurts less than empty space where their parents used to be. Caleb called the Volstrucker locked up in Rosohna his sister without ever having met her. Trent invited Caleb over for a family dinner. What happened to their parents was an unfortunate necessity, but they don’t have to feel alone; the Volstruckers are their family now; Trent is their family now.

The second reason they don’t leave him or tell anyone is that Trent specifically chooses students who are unlikely to do that. Trent chooses his students partly for the fun of it, to see what he can sculpt out of their unique natural talents, but he’d be a fool not to consider their temperaments as well. It’s easy to imagine Bren, Eadwulf, and Astrid as teachers pets who were eager for Trent’s approval as teenagers. Even now that they’re adults, Trent is very intentional with when and how he praises them, and praise is his go-to way of love-bombing Caleb at the dinner.

Trent has access to all the students at the Soltryce Academy. This is already the pick of the litter in terms of the Empire’s magic-wielding teenagers. Anyone he chooses is going to be gifted. He has the luxury of looking at other factors, like how eager they are to please him, how susceptible they are to pro-Empire propaganda, and whether or not their families will be missed. (Is it really a coincidence that Bren, Astrid, and Eadwulf were all from the same rural town that is firmly under the capital’s thumb? Probably not.)

So, after he picks out kids are that going to respond well to his brainwashing, he brainwashes them. That’s the third reason none of them have ever left before.

He tells them they’re family. Not by blood, but by shared goals and shared suffering. I can’t prove that Trent ever actually said that, but it fits perfectly with the way the Blumendrei talk about each other and with Trent’s view of the world. The pain they endure together bonds them (and they’ve got matching tattoos to prove it).

Their pain protects the innocent of the Empire. They do their bloody work so others don’t have to. They endure this pain so others don’t have to. Someone has to hurt, because that’s how the world is, and if it’s not the Volstruckers, it will be the innocent children of the Empire.

Sometimes, sacrifices have to be made. Your innocence. Their lives. Someday, maybe your life. These sacrifices are what keep little Empire children safe and warm in their beds at night. It’s for the good of the Empire. It’s what any good Empire citizen would do. You should feel honored to have been given this opportunity.

Trent inflicts pain in on them because pain makes them stronger. Because they are smarter and stronger than their peers and they can save the Empire, if they just let him teach them. Trent hurts them because he sees the potential in them and wants to bring it out. Trent hurts them for the greater good. Trent hurts them out of love.

That’s what he tells them. That’s what he told them at dinner.

They’re spoon-fed a million excuses for their own abuse, and they have little choice but to swallow those excuses, because (reason #4) Trent made them complicit in their own abuse, and each other’s abuse, and the murders of their families. The alternative to accepting Trent’s apologism put Bren in an insane asylum. “All of that pain and suffering and death was absolutely unnecessary and you not only subjected yourself to it for no reason, you helped for no reason,” is not an easy thing to process.

Liam has done a really good job of showing how Caleb struggles with that and how it led to so much self-hatred. And Caleb had a loving support network. Most Volstruckers have one or two equally broken people from their class that they can mostly trust, if they are lucky. Most Volstruckers are only given one framework to process these feelings through, and it’s the abusive framework laid out in #3.

We can’t go without mentioning that shared guilt is one of the oldest tricks in the book to get a victim to keep quiet. It’s the classic ‘You’ll be in trouble too.’ “Do you really want to go the king and confess to the murder of innocent Empire citizens? Your own family, no less?” It wasn’t like Trent put the poison in the food or threw the fireball.

Reason #5: Lots of people already know and simply do not care. While Astrid’s comments in e131 do imply that the king doesn’t know what Trent has been doing to the children of his kingdom, the Cerberus Assembly knows and has known for a while. Every time Caleb has brought up his abuse with a member of the Cerberus Assembly, he’s gotten empty sympathy and dismissal. He hasn’t even had to explain the abuse to them. Multiple people have heard that he was a student of Trent Ikithon’s and immediately responded with sympathy... but also in ways that made it clear that they didn’t plan to do anything about it. The Cerberus Assembly knows. Ludinus would be very bad at his job if he did not know, considering that Trent recruits from the Academy. The Volstruckers are used to Trent doing what he does out in the open, in front of other high-level officials.

It’s not like Trent is hiding his abuse of them, either. Trent takes kids home for the summer and they show up for Intermediate Transmutation the next fall with fucking experimental crystals in their arms. Ludinus knew. Even Vess knew. The Volstruckers know that Ludinus and Vess know. At best, they likely believe that there is no point in talking. At worst, it reinforces everything Trent is telling them and makes them believe that they are the problem if they can’t tough it out.

Last but not least: mortal terror is the sixth reason why no one has ever gotten away from Trent before. Trent broke Bren’s brain and then made him disappear for a decade. Trent made all of their families disappear. Do you think Astrid got investigated for murder after some poor neighbor found her family’s bodies? No. Trent made that disappear. How easily could Trent make one Volstrucker disappear? Volstruckers die all the time, after all. There wouldn’t be many questions asked about a Volstrucker’s death. There might not be any questions asked at all. Who would notice a Volstrucker was missing, except for other Volstruckers (who are loyal to Trent. And terrified of Trent. And may have helped with the murder.)

So that’s why Caleb is the first to ever leave. (1) Most Volstruckers have nowhere else to go. (2) Trent gets to hand-pick students to abuse, so obviously he’s going to pick ones that are likely to respond well (by his standards) to his abuse. (3) Volstruckers are brainwashed into accepting Trent’s abuse apologism. (4) Volstruckers are made to feel morally culpable for their own abuse and are not given space to process these feels outside of the brainwashing framework Trent provides them with in #3. (5) People with power don’t care; people who care lack power; people with both are out of reach. This is a pattern embedded in their psyches well before they kill their parents. (6) Trent could literally straight up kill them have a couple of teenagers dig a shallow grave in the woods. No one would ever ask questions.

#long post #critical role #caleb widogast #Astrid Beck #Trent Ikithon #Eadwulf Grieve #I’m not in love with the use of color here but honestly I just hate making long text posts without some color to break them up #abuse #death #critical role spoilers #Critical Role c2e131 #character death #child abuse #the answer to a question no one asked #Critical Role meta #blumendrei #the Blumenthal trio #the Blumenthal drei

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yandere-sins · 3 years

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The Fox Wedding - Stay dead [True End]

Summary: You escaped.

Characters: Kitsune!Suna Rintarou, Reader

Rating: Explicit

Warnings for this chapter: Happy Ending

Death was as calm as you would expect it. Your body - or rather, your soul - felt like it was floating on water, but no wave dared to disturb you. There was no up or down, just the floating, and that was all there was for a while. As if you were in a room painted in black, nothing to see, to hear, to feel. All you knew was that it wasn’t uncomfortable.

The place you were in now wasn’t plagued with the horrors of life. Pain and suffering, fear and anger. There was no regret and no desire for revenge, but even without any feelings at all, it wasn’t boring. Perhaps this was what made death so unique, the absolute nothingness. You couldn’t even feel if you moved a limb or not, and thus, you concluded that this was it. Even after all that happened, without being able to feel anything, it became meaningless.

You were ready.

Who knew where your soul would go now, but you were ready to move on.

It almost felt like you were ascending from the water, ready to leave. Limbo. Going like this wasn’t bad, and your judgment of the situation was meaningless and thus easy for you. But perhaps you actually liked it! What was there not to like about it?

“Death is permanent, Human,” a sudden voice rung out. You didn’t know this was possible in this space. Was that God? Was it true after all, did such an entity exist? “So… come back.”

And at once, it was over.

Grabbed by what felt like fabric on your back, you were pulled backwards into the water, completely engulfed by the wet. You felt it glide over your skin, wet your hair, and try to fill your nostrils and mouth, and your body instinctively knew not to accept it inside of you. You opened your mouth to let it out, but it only filled more, and then, suddenly, you were pulled out of the water.

“Shhh, shhh,” a voice tried to calm you as your body shook violently in a cough. A stranger’s hand helped you to wipe away the water on your eyelids, and he held you up, so it was easier to free your lungs of the water. Even though you blinked a few times, you couldn’t get accustomed to the brightness all around you, but one by one, your senses reappeared.

You could feel the pressures on your body and pinch yourself again, birds chirped all around you. The taste on your mouth was unpleasant as if you had eaten something foul, but luckily it disappeared as time passed. Finally, your eyes started to focus again, the blur disappearing together with your sensitivity to light. You looked up at the tree crowns, rays of sunshine bursting through them as a breeze got caught in the leaves.

“W-Where--” you croaked, only causing you to cough more. Was this heaven? It almost seemed like it since you couldn’t hear anguished screams or the crackling of fire. So it wasn’t hell. Looking down at yourself, you seemed too old to be reincarnated, and you soon enough found yourself out of options of where you were.

“The forest,” the unfamiliar voice explained for you. Finally, you looked up towards the person sitting beside you, blinking a few times as you tried to remember where you had seen him before. His dark brown hair was shining in the sun, and from it, two very peculiar ears seemed to stick out. All of a sudden, you were hit by a flashback.

Gasping loudly, you touched your shoulder, tearing at the white kimono you were wearing and which you had never seen before. But no matter how much you searched, you couldn’t find the wounds that were inflicted on your body. It almost seemed pristine, but you knew it wasn’t.

“There are still some marks,” the stranger said, and you couldn’t help but flinch. Instinctively, you pushed yourself away from him, sliding off his hold and onto the ground, noticing you had been sitting in a spring. It wasn’t deep, but you noticed the bubbling nearby where it continuously flowed out of a crack in a stonewall. You felt too weak to actually move further, but now that you looked around, this part of the forest was even more unfamiliar than any other.

“Where am I?” you asked daunted, a big part of you returning to a state of fear and panic. The stranger sighed as he got up and walked over, seizing you by the armpits and pulling you up. Putting your arm around his neck and steading you with one hand around your hip, he moved forward, urging you to move even though you struggled. The first few steps were a hurdle, but with every continuous one, it got better.

“Why… But I…”

“Yes,” he said. “I won’t deny what happened, but I’m one of the few that knew about this magical spring water. It healed your wounds - almost perfectly even. But I don’t think there’s much more I can do for you.”

“Where are we… going?” you questioned as he led you on a small path through the forest. Everything seemed so… normal. As if it was trying to undermine the cruelty that happened the night before. “You wanted to go home, didn’t you?”

Peeking up at this, you gave the stranger another look over, all the memories slowly coming back. “I remember you,” you mumbled. “You were with Kita when he came to look after me! Why… why would you help me?”

Catching him as he looked away as if he was caught in a lie, there was no immediate answer. Instead, the pace quickened, and you did your best to keep up with his lead. “Not everyone liked the idea of marriage,” he finally spoke up. In the distance, you could see the trees clearing up. The end was finally near.

“Kita is a good leader. We all like him. But he’s been too obsessed with the idea of marrying you ever since he was still only an aspirant for the leader. Many tried to oppose him, coming to the clan to spy, like the twins, but it’s not easy to go against someone so calculated and strong as Kita is.”

He took a deep breath, collecting himself. “I’ve been by his side for a long time, and I don’t regret it. But I couldn’t watch this happening again.”

Again? you thought, but the moment you two finally left the last tree behind, you came to a halt, your attention quickly diverted. You recognized the road that spread out before you, a mere ten minutes walk from your home. Slowly, the fox let go of you, waiting for you to steady yourself on your feet, but it was easy now. “What should I do now? I- I can’t go back to the house! They’ll find me again…”

Your voice was still so fragile, cracking under the pressure of emotions that tried to regain their place in your body. It wasn’t as hard to stand, breathe, or all of it at the same time as it was to get used to feeling again. It was overwhelming, but you knew better than to get lost in emotions this time. After all, you’ve been through much worse before.

“No, they won’t.”

Looking up at the fox, you had noticed him back away into the shadows of the trees as he seemed ready to leave again. It was only a few steps, but it felt like he had made the separation between your worlds clear again. “The clan moved on as Kita couldn’t stay anymore after losing you. I have to go back to them now, but they won’t come looking for you. You are dead to them.”

Nodding slowly, you took a step forward towards him again, his body language showing that he was wary as you approached. “What’s your name?” you asked out of the blue. What a stupid sentiment, but you felt like after what he did, coming all the way back to save you, remembering his name was the least you could do. He looked surprised before his expression grew nervous and hesitant, but eventually, he decided to tell you softly. “Suna. Just… Suna.”

Reaching for his hands, you crossed the barrier between worlds one last time, squeezing them. “Then, thank you, Suna.”

Time was of the essence, and you felt it was running out for you two. When you thanked him, managing to smile softly, it was almost like a stone fell off your heart, freeing you off so many things. He gave a slight nod in your direction before pulling away, and you knew it was time to go. “Farewell,” you sighed, relief spreading through you, and you turned to leave. It would be hard to go back now, remembering all that happened. Certainly, you couldn’t stay in that house for much longer, even if Suna said it was safe now. Too much had happened. Too much that you wanted to forget forever.

Way down the road, you turned around, seeing the silhouette of a small fox sitting on the curb, watching you. As you noticed it, the fox sprang up and disappeared into the woods, and you couldn’t help but be thankful, knowing he had watched over you just in case. Somehow, you’d be alright. It would be hard to manage without anyone who’d ever believe what you’ve been through, but Suna had managed to restore some of your faith in the world. Just marriage. You’d postpone that… for a long while. You definitely had enough of marrying, and maybe you’d move to the city now, just in case.

But as you looked up at the blue sky with the morning sun rising ever so slowly, you felt grateful for this chance you were given. The experience aside, you definitely felt like you had grown from it. Gained some insight into the worth of life.

You were given this second chance, and you were not going to waste it, no matter how hard it would be.

This time, you’d do better.

“You’re such a goody two-shoes,” Atsumu taunted as he approached Suna. The latter only looked back over his shoulder calmly, seeing the twins’ faces slowly creeping up to him. “It’s a shame. I really wanted her for myself.”

Giving Atsumu a nudge with his elbow, Osamu reminded his brother, “She was dead until a few minutes ago. There was nothing for you to get there but worms.”

“And now she isn’t, I wonder how!”

The bickering between the two continued while Suna turned forward again. From the hill he was standing on, he could see you disappear inside your house, locking the doors behind you. You were such a good girl, careful but kind until the end. You didn’t need to thank him, but you did, smiling at him before you left. He, too, had always appreciated the kindness of humans, even if he always had warned Kita to not interact with humans back when the two of them were still small cubs. But no matter how weak, humans could still be kind, a fascinating fact in his eyes.

There was so much you didn’t know, and perhaps, it was better that his world would no longer be part of yours. The intrigues, foul words, magic - that wasn’t for a good human like you. An eternity bound to a being like a Kitsune wasn’t what would make you happy, even if…

“Suna~ What are ya thinking about so hard? Aren’t ya coming with us? Don’t tell me you changed yer mind?” Slinging one arm around Suna’s shoulders, Suna’s train of thought was interrupted, and he sighed deeply. “Idiot,” Osamu grumbled, kicking his brother in the shin. “Have some tact and let the guy make sure she gets home safely. They’re family.”

Atsumu rolled his eyes but let go of Suna, the two walking a few steps ahead as they gave him the time to say goodbye. But they were right; there was no use lingering. Maybe Suna should have told you why you were so interesting for the kitsune. You were a rare sight as a human ancestor, after all. Knowing that you and he shared the same family tree - even if there were hundreds of years and what felt like a couple dozens of generations between you two - he couldn’t have let you die like one of the other darling wives Kita had found over the centuries. Suna had seen it too many times how he ended up hurting them as they hurt him by escaping or angering him, though arguably, the emotional wounds Kita suffered weren’t as bad as the deadly ones he inflicted. Then again, thanks to that, it gave Suna a new reason to live. No more clans or loyalty. He had something much more important now.

Family.

“Do ya think she’ll go to the city? Think I could become a city boy?” Atsumu mused, and Osamu let out a loud snort while Suna turned around to follow the two. “Only thing you’re good for would be a fur coat,” Osamu snarked, and it even brought a chuckle to Suna’s lips as Atsumu gasped loudly. They turned their attention to Suna, slowing down their steps to match him and lowering their voices as they spoke between themselves.

“Are you sure Kita won’t notice? You stole her right from under his nose, after all. He didn’t even bury her yet - luckily,” Atsumu asked, and Suna shrugged. “You don’t know it because you’re young, but the older and stronger a kitsune gets, the more they begin to forget. I’m sure he is very busy looking for a new replacement right now. He never got over this first wife of his. She truly was perfect. Kind, loyal, and loved him.”

Silent glances were exchanged between the twins as Suna revealed some of the past that he witnessed. “Her only fault was her mortality, and I guess that’s why he keeps searching.”

“Ya think he’ll ever find someone?” Osamu asked after a moment of silence. Suna shrugged again. Even he didn’t have the answers to everything.

“Who knows,” he sighed, and those were his final words on the matter. Rubbing his hands gently, he remembered the warmth of your touch, relieved that your life had been spared. All of your lives would go on, even for the younger kitsune. Their life was too long to ponder about the past. All that mattered was the future.

And Suna was glad that the past didn’t take away your future either.

Want a different ending?

➤ Go back to the prologue to change your fate

#Haikyuu!!#Haikyuu #HQ!!#yandere haikyuu #yandere!haikyuu #yandere #yandere imagines #yandere headcanons #yandere scenarios #yandere fanfiction #yandere writing #yandere stories #yandere oneshots #yandere oneshot #yandere drabble #yandere x reader #yandere x darling #Yandere TW

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mistressemmedi · 3 years

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Måneskin: "Different from whom?"

Greetings from Miley Cyrus - phenomenal numbers.

The streams of Zitti e Buoni are growing by the second, and ahead of Muse, on the top of the English charts, twelfth in the Spotify Global Chart. We almost tripled followers after Rotterdam (from 1.4 to 3.3 million, ed). Contagious and universal madness: T-shirts and merchandise sold out in 10 minutes. Like records, tickets for a tour that adds dates and expands on maps. They are even looking for us in festivals where the Rolling Stones have played. - Thomas

After the whole cocaine scandal that was started against us from France, which was later denied by my drug test, in Spain there people have been making murals with my face saying "No drugs". Some tweets made us laugh: «Congratulations, Italy! I have never been so sure that four people have fucked each other ". Miley Cyrus started following us. "You are great". “You are more” . - Damiano

From rags to riches - what a story

It was only 2016, and we were playing in restaurants, on the streets, in via del Corso (famous street in Rome). Damiano without a microphone, Thomas's guitar with broken strings, Ethan drummed on a cajón. At the occupations of the high schools in Rome (Kennedy, Virgilio, Mamiani) we had our first gigs and half an hour of fame, between those who criticized us and those who said "these guys are so cool". One of the rare times in which they offered to pay us to play - 50 euros each - we offered that money to those after us, in exchange for the chance to play during their time slow, as we knew there would have been a bigger crowd. We already understood then how it worked. That visibility was worth more than the money. We still think so ». - Victoria

The intimacy of rock - Choice of a genre

Music allows is this miracle which allows one to talk about very personal and private topics, even difficult and delicate ones. They are and remain deeply yours, but at the same time they become a confession that reaches a wider audience, and in this passage which is like a delivery, they also find their place in you, their elaboration. They are overcome, they are accepted. One moment it feels aggressive, one moment later a (soft) ballad. It's very cathartic. - Damiano

Against panic - The stage as therapy

I have suffered a lot from anxiety and panic attacks, it is a problem that I have worked on thanks to a course of psychotherapy, to my friends and family. Playing has helped me not to let myself be paralyzed by my fears, not to be limited in my private and professional life. I have learned to accept, to live with this side of me. I don't hide it. I no longer feel ashamed. - Victoria

This belief that only crazy people go to the psychologist is widespread ignorance. Nobody is born learned. And it is often difficult to understand why we are here, let alone the derivation and direction of our desires. It is a long and legitimate journey towards one's clarity. - Damiano

Essere fuori di testa – Ma diversi da loro (Be out of your mind - But different from them)

Already feeling a strong passion for something that is not a 'regular' profession but an artistic language, it puts you on a level where you're an anomaly, and while you're neither superior nor inferior to others, it places you in the condition of what breaks the mold but you're also being at a loss, leaving it to you to be bold and to take risks, hoping that they will pay off and land you somewhere. "What good is it if you don't stand out on your own?". You want to give it an aesthetic to your artistic dream, but to others it boils down to " You dress differently! You must be gay! ”, I'm 22 now and it makes me laugh, but at 17 it had an effect on me too. - Damiano

The beauty of being unique - Of believing in that and defending it

After all, we are all different not because we want to be alternative but because really no one is the same. Justice is being judged on what you do and not what you are. Justice is equality, respect, beauty. - Ethan

Fluid sexuality - Pride is freedom

We appreciate heels on men, we kiss each other, we have an open, extended mind, and we are proud of it. The horizons become vast, beyond the oppression of conservative families. With information on the web, knowledge is enriched and with it the possibility that minorities will be fewer and fewer, because majorities will be fewer and fewer. This will lower the volume to insults and bullying. If social networks can reach a village of 50 souls to reveal to someone, who is afraid of the darkness, that someone has felt that same fear.. There is no longer the need to give it a name, to define that "something" to fear, to brand it with labels that only limit you. Definitions have always had this effect on me. Gender should not even be considered in a person's judgment. Let alone orientation ". - Victoria

Sexism - A culture to be dismantled

Emma (Italian singer) dropped the bomb:" When I went to Eurovision, they insulted me over a pair of shorts. Damiano - half naked and in heels - was never criticized ". The judgment against women is constant, ferocious, and demeaning (if I have a lot of sex I'm cool but Vic a whore, where I show myself strong I'm a leader she is domineering and pain in the ass, who is successful because only because of her looks [and not the hard work she puts in]). As a male I am privileged, the harassment I suffer is not comparable to that experienced by a woman, the comments on my aesthetics are focused only on my aesthetics and do not insinuate anything about my professionalism and my competence, while women are victims of this kind of thinking in a systemic way. But I did find myself in a situation, out of nowhere, with someone who, pulling close to her for a selfie, started licking my face ... "What do you want, did you ask me?" Consent exists, and it is a must ». - Damiano

To grow as a person - The only rule to follow

For me, to conform is the total opposite of educating oneself, and the asphyxiation of one's expression (of freedom). Fortunately, I did not suffer heavy bullying, to the point where I felt I needed to change to adapt to how others saw me. But the matrix of who I am and the aggression that marks me is the same. If I'm a kid who dances and loves dolls, then allow me the freedom to do so. I used to be a kid who wanted long hair and played with Barbies. My friends, as a teenager, looked my long hair and teased me: "You have to find yourself a girl with a short hair to make up for it". My grandparents took the dolls away from me and said: “Stop it, they're not for you” ». - Ethan

“I was six and I already could not tolerate the distinctions between masculine and feminine. I've always had strong ideas about how I wanted to be. I refused things typically defined as feminine as a child, and they made fun of me for skating, for playing soccer, for not wearing skirts, for giving myself the chance to be as I wanted to be. I suffered a little, as I was bullied, but I had courage to stay true to myself, and today thanks to that courage I know that I could have been much more hurt, or I would have risked leaving the most important decision to others: the one about being just me". - Victoria

Love - music and girlfriends

I've been married to music for the past 20 years. I cannot wait to celebrate our golden wedding anniversary. - Ethan

Everyone goes through their own experiences, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, but it's never other people's business." - Thomas

When, for the first time, I developed feelings and attraction for a girl it was a bit disorienting because I had never had the courage to go beyond the limitations I had imposed on myself. For society, being heterosexual is the norm and therefore often one automatically pegs himself in that way, giving up the freedom to experience many different shades and facets of love. Once I got over the initial insecurity of having to question one's own certainties, I lived my sexuality in a very natural and free way, as it should be for everyone. - Victoria

I had paparazzi under my house morning and night. So, after four years of relationship, I finally revealed her name. I still have the paparazzi under my house morning and night, but at least I don't have to hide anything anymore. - Damiano

The value of the group - Protecting each other

But the real relationship, the real family, is between us. Our band. We believed in it from the first day, even before calling ourselves Måneskin (moonlight in Danish), even before Ethan drew a giant moon, on the poster for our first concert. We share everything, even the pain of the tragedy of Seid Visin, who committed suicide at 20 because he was a victim of racism. Being a group is what we should all do together: stay united and not retreat in the slightest in the face of abuses generated by a distorted vision of someone "being different|. - Thomas

Non ho l’età – like Gigliola (It references Gigliola Cinquetti who won both Sanremo and Eurovision with her song "Non ho l’età" which translates to Not old enough)

Before us, the only one to win Sanremo and Eurovision together was Gigliola Cinquetti (in 1964). Is there is something for which I feel I am not yet old enough for? No, honestly no. Maybe for kids. I'll be honest, I'm not enough to be a dad. - Damiano

Reached the sky - What fears still remain

We are more than in the dream, we have conquered the dream. To fly high this high, there is the risk is to fall and get hurt, but we will try not to end up like Icarus, who burns his wings with the sun. Everything is in our hands. And this - somewhat presumptuously - reassures us rather than frighten us ". - Damiano

(ORIGINAL INTERVIEW IN ITALIAN)

[Please note that I have changed some words or structure sentence, trying to make it so that the interview made more sense lol - I skipped the first two paragraphs, which was basically the interviewer gushing over how pretty the band is lmao (relatable).

Any mistakes in the translation are sorely mine, nothing was proofread, so apologies in advance]

#maneskin #ethan torchio #damiano david #victoria de angelis #thomas raggi #i'm off to drink some wine lol

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gaycatwizard · 3 years

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I feel like "bad/flawed characters that are still likeable" are just some of the Best characters and tend to have a bit more emotional staying power, that they're more relatable and more interesting, more memorable. We need more of them, but they're really... hard to do? Not necessarily hard to make, but hard to do well. Because the amount of flaws and Badness (in a moral/philosophical sense, not quality of a character's design and personality) can vary so drastically, along with the amount of redeeming traits and their potency. It can be hard to want to "copy" or mimic the exact ratio from the character that inspired you. Tangent: it's fine to be inspired by one or more works. It's fine to allow it to influence your works. It's hard distinguishing from "I want to do x, but that's basically just rewriting one of my inspirations but with a palette swap" and "this inspires me so I want to use certain elements/themes/ideas/technical aspects of it." That's not the issue here, y'know. But like... I think the sheer variety you can have in Loveable Asshole characters like that, in the ratio of how bad and how good they are, is part of what makes them so interesting, so realistic, so powerful. Like... there are characters who are overall pretty good people, but are rough around the edges in a way that clearly makes them sympathetic and likeable. There are characters who are basically layer upon layer upon layer of mistakes, hatred, and bile with the tiniest nugget of good at the center, that you rarely get a glimpse of, but feel something raw and enthralling because of that. Like... I think Bojack Horseman is a good example, especially because it has a lot of different Likeable Bad People varieties and it does them all really well. Also Bojack Horseman is a good show and, not unlike JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, I want to talk about it at every given opportunity. Bojack himself is a cynical, selfish, destructive, defensive, spiteful, jealous, vain, self-loathing, stubborn piece of shit. He's a bad person and that's... kind of the point of the show. But his entire character, his entire arc that spans the whole of the series, revolves around the diamond buried deep in that rough. He wants to change, but he's so set in his negative ways (and so used to being surrounded by such negativity and toxicity) that he doesn't really know how. Every time he wants to change, he doesn't know how and fails to keep up with his new habits. Every time he's doing well and making progress, some external factor comes in and pushes him violently back down the mountain, back to square one. But he makes an effort, it's very obvious that he doesn't like being this way, that he regrets the things he does, that he feels remorse for the pain he's caused, and he does finally change and improve, things do finally get better for him. His foil (who has such an AMAZING dynamic and relative arc with him I could write a whole essay just on that), Mr. Peanutbutter, is sort of the exact opposite. They have similar careers and positions in the world, but everything goes right for Mr. Peanutbutter. Everyone likes him, everything is handed to him on a silver platter, he's perfect, he's happy, he's attractive, he's popular, he's everything Bojack isn't, and yet somehow he's drawn to Bojack and always wants to try and be his friend. But as Bojack slowly improves over the show and the softer, nicer, Better side of him becomes more and more prominent and common, the negative side of Mr. Peanutbutter slowly gets revealed over the show. He's also selfish and stubborn and stupid and persistent and dangerously disconnected from reality and his interpersonal skills are absolute shit. He puts on that act to make people like him. As the show goes on, it's slowly revealed that he doesn't really pay attention to the wants or needs of others, like, at all. That he only ever really cares about himself and just wants to do and be everything and anything as long as people like him and it makes him happy, regardless of who it hurts. It's amazing. It's in F is

for Family, too. Netflix Adult Animated Sitcoms are very often hit or miss, but these two are absolute homeruns. Frank, the protagonist, of F is for Family is selfish, violent, short-tempered, arrogant, judgmental, ignorant... but he's remorseful and introspective and intelligent and, in a very convoluted and misguided way most of the time, incredibly caring and devoted. He is a piece of shit and he's terrible, and a lot of why he's still likeable, why he's allowed to be so politically incorrect and abusive is due to the setting. Parenting norms were different back then and, now with hindsight, we know that those norms weren't good and you should NEVER hit or yell at or emotionally degrade your kids. The show is a perfect mix of "everyone is a product of their time and environment" and "no matter the time and place, people are people and we have the same thoughts and feelings and struggles," all without glorifying or excusing the terrible actions of the characters with the excuse of the time period or due to being "protagonists" or having redeeming traits. They're human, flawed, some incredibly so, and that's what makes it so good. It's part of why I like F is for Family more than most Adult Animated Family Sitcoms. You've got the typical stupid, selfish, arrogant, etc. Bad Dad and his Housewife, but there's still chemistry. They're still unique, three dimensional characters that clearly love each other and have a reason to still be together despite arguing and hardship. Same with how Frank and Sue treat their kids. They're not great parents, but they're trying to do their best (which isn't always good) and they do clearly love their kids and want the best for them. Their kids are resentful at times and hate their parents for some of the things they do, but they do stick together at the end of the day because there's that underlying realization that none of the mistreatment is done with malicious intent. That doesn't excuse it, but they're all just fucked up and trying to do their best. And they do have sad, relatable characters that are clearly bad people and aren't likeable, despite having sympathetic traits. Like Ginny. Her husband, that she loves dearly, is gay and simply doesn't love her the way she loves him, their marriage is hollow and empty. But she constantly forces her suffering on others, regardless of whether they want to hear it or are emotionally equipped to do so. Attempting to leave the conversation or explain that other people have problems too means, to Ginny, that you're a terrible human being who can't be there for someone in pain or that you're selfish and disgusting and never stop thinking of yourself. She has every right to be upset, but she takes it out on others and manipulates them, and that's not okay, and the show depicts it that way. There are so many options for character arcs with these characters, too. They don't even have to be related to their flaws, they can be entirely external or related to something like relationships or interests. You can show someone working on their flaws, acknowledging that they're not perfect and they might be bad, but that they want to do better and actively try to do so; they don't avoid responsibility or blame others, they own up to it and do their best to improve. Hell, even just coming to the realization that you are responsible for your actions, not anyone else, and that you have to put in effort to change could be that arc. You can have someone get worse, whether an intentional path of bad decisions without regard for others or a failure to understand which decisions are right. Some people have redeeming traits, but still aren't redeemable. Some people don't get better. Some people still get better, but get worse first. There are so many real, relatable options that show the darker, uglier side of life that we so desperately want to experience and perceive (likely due to the cathartic and taboo aspects), and bringing up flaws and shortcomings and anything else in this context can start interesting conversations and challenge

us to think about things we may not have before, or from a new perspective.

#long post #what the fuck do I call this #character analysis #meta #fuck idk #television #media #character development #character design #writing #bojack horseman #f is for family

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fictionissocialinquiry · 4 years

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FISI’s Favourite Zutara Fics

A lil late for ZFAW’s Saturday prompt, sorry about that! Haven’t had any internet over the weekend. But better late than never!

I’m not gonna lie… a lot of these are angsty af. But I promise you they’re not gratuitous angst! They’re well written, beautiful stories that will make you feel like a better person for having read them. These are my favourite all time fics, ones I’ve read more than once and will continue to read (even though I’m taking a week break from fandom and fic).

Multi-Chaptered Fics

The Sparrowkeet Series by audreyii_fic

To be honest, this story’s summary doesn’t do it justice so I ain’t including it. Originally a one shot, Sparrowkeet is headcanon for me now. Move over canon, this is where it’s at. Audreyii_fic’s characterisation, world building, and writing is exquisite. It’s incredible. She manages to channel the same fun and whimsical energy from the show while allowing the characters to grow and develop to places I wish they had actually been taken.

This one is a fandom Must Read and one I return to regularly.

Clothe Me in Seasons, Dress Me in Snow by sadladybug

It is not the memorial she deserves, nor the one she would want. But it can't be helped. He owns no property in the other nations, and he needed to keep her close. Closer than she was in life, anyway.

Zuko's reflections on a life lived and a life that could have been.

This is one of the best written fics I’ve ever read. It’s tragic and deep and will hurt you in all the tender places but you would be doing yourself a favour if you read this. There’s a real bittersweet feeling to it and the love between them is just… urg, visceral.

Lovable by LadyCharity

Zuko knew that he could not save Azula. He could only try to forgive her. Fittingly enough, those two were one in the same.

I love stories that make Zutara their centerpiece but every now but then a story like this comes along. A story where their relationship builds almost incidentally because the plot and character development straight up hijack your emotions. I got so invested in this story. Zuko is amazingly well characterised and his complicated thoughts and feelings around his father and Azula are incredibly well written!

One Shots

Lunar Ephemerality by @formerlygoldilocks (goldilocks23)

After multiple failed attempts on his life and years of self-set expectations, Fire Lord Zuko is a shell of the man he used to be. But Katara won't turn her back on those who need her.

I really didn’t expect this to hit as hard as it did. This straight up snuck up on me, fly-kicked my feelings, and by the end I had written an 800 word comment that was too big for AO3 and I had to contact the author directly to send it to her. Awkward. I couldn’t help myself. The side to Katara we see here is so good, her empathy and love for her friends are one of the things I love seeing most in AtLA fanfic. I’m a sucker for Zuko having complete breakdowns and having to piece himself back together too. So sue me. I like it when they suffer a lil bit. The writing is absurdly good and I will be keeping an eye out for any new stories by goldilocks23!

31 Minutes by @ifyouwereamelodymeg

It's quite astounding, really, how quickly she's learned to translate him. They've spent a grand total of zero time together outside of training, and he's hardly big on chat so she knows next to nothing about his life.

But she knows him, probably better than she knows anyone at the moment – with every tap of his fingers, every crook of his lips, every turn in his voice, he just...

He makes sense to her. It's weird.

I’m a sucker for fic writers playing with style to make the story pop and boyo does this fic deliver. This is one of the rare times that I’ve been dumbstruck at the end of a story— I just couldn’t accept the ending. Because I’m a sucker for pain, (and this story will bring The Pain) I loved it. The ease of Zuko and Katara’s growing relationship in this bowls you over, it’s absolutely beautiful and you find yourself nodding along emphatically when Zuko calls himself an idiot for waiting… “Life’s short, kids, live each moment as though it could be your last,” says this fic as it pulls my heart out and dropkicks it off a cliff.

i count to five (and life passes by) by @markedmage

Five heartbeats.

I still haven’t forgiven Mage for this one. I think it’s the best thing she’s written to date! I mean, tragic and painful and heart-rending but holy shit is it powerful <3

The Lake of the Dismal Swamp by @thewhiitelotus

Spook af. Spook (horror) is real hard to do well but thewhiitelotus is coming for your goosebumps and those shivers down your spine. She has a way of balancing beautiful, evocative imagery with action (in this and other stories of her) that just keeps you reading!

Calloused by @rideboldlyride

Iroh hadn’t been able to watch. The pure horror of a man - a father- burning their child for a slight infraction... He couldn’t do anything to stop it, but he will stop his brother from destroying entirely the kind boy he knew Zuko could be.

This is a painfully underappreciated fic for how great the characterisation is. I know we in the zutara fandom tend to not read stories that aren’t Zuko/Katara centric as often but do yourself the favour of reading this (or listening to it: RideBoldlyRide has done us the gift of recording a podfic for this and it’s stupidly *good*). This story is Iroh confronting Ozai just after he burns Zuko’s face and it kicks.

four days and three nights by @hinaoyamas (lettersfromnowhere)

Zuko discovers firsthand that nothing is more fleeting than happiness, or more enduring than memory.

Do you like reading stories with a distant, omniscient narrator? The kind that read like a myth from the ancient world? Welp, hit the hyperlink, friend, cause this one’s for you. Not only is the writing exquisite but the characterisation and painful inevitability of the plot is grade A.

For the Fire Nation by tullyblue12

He falls in love with her for his country before he falls in love with her for himself. A Zuko/Katara AU that explores how love and duty aren’t always mutually exclusive.

There are about 40,000 exquisite lines in this story but here is just one of my favourites: “He falls in love with her for his country first. That’s what his people never understand.” This fic says a lot with so few words, which is something I really look up to! In 2,800 words, tullyblue12 does what some 100,000k fics cant: They make you feel.

Guide Me Home by Rashaka

To sleep, perchance to dream. Katara and Zuko find a friendship they never expected in a place that seemed impossible.

This is a one shot I will forever wish for a continuation of. The setup is just… so juicy. There’s a real sorrowful innocence to this story that the unique short, dialogue only scenes really punch home. I know some people don’t like dialogue only fics but when done well like in this one, it leaves you with the impression of something deeper than a 1,185 word fic has any right to!

Other Favourites!

Hopeless by tullyblue12 — Kids grow up fast when a cruel world awaits them. In times of hopelessness, Katara and Zuko grow together. In times of separation, they hope to see each other again.

Speechless by goldilocks23 — Zuko has a medical condition. Or: Zuko speaks in haiku at inappropriate times.

Don’t Follow Me Down by eleventy7 — Katara is the dread queen of the underworld, ruler of the dead, destined to reign her cold kingdom alone. Until a sun god catches her eye. A Hades/Persephone retelling with incredible writing.

I Don't Speak Meow Language by @botherkupo (Boogum) — In which Zuko adopts a cat and Katara just wonders what spirits she pissed off to deserve this fate.

I have the privilege of being friends with some of these authors (they know who they are) and am in near daily awe and gratitude for the works of free fiction they provide us, the fandom. And not just any old stories: Guys... Really good ones!! Can I ask that if you go check out these fics, can you just drop a kudos or a comment their way? If you’re feeling shy just copy and paste this into the comments box anonymously: “WOW! Loved this! Thank you so much for writing it!”

I know it would mean the world to this talented bunch <3

#ZFAW #Fic Rec #favourite zutara fanfics of all time #zutara #atla

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helena-thessaloniki · 3 years

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Hi Helena! Big fan of your writing here🥺♥️ Your rivamika fics are my safe space 😭 (if you have time to answer) i’d love to know when you first started shipping them, why, and what made you continue to love this ship (or anything else to do with your journey as an RM shipper)? i love your characterisation of both levi and mikasa individually, but even more so, your portrayal of their dynamic as a couple, which is why i wanted to ask so badly ☺️ x

Hey anon! Oh woah, first of all, thank you so much. Second of all, oh god, you probably shouldn't have handed me the mic. heh 😅

I’m afraid to look at the word count of this response, I’m sure it’s much more than you bargained for, but I appreciate the question and enjoyed thinking through my response (: Most importantly, I’m so glad you find my stories as a safe space. It’s really an honor. Thank you for sharing with me 🖤🖤

TL; DR As a longtime reader, writer and lover of stories and story-telling, by being someone who pays attention to how stories are crafted and deliberately developed from beginning to end, I sincerely thought Isayama was setting up rivamika as an endgame relationship. So, I read into and interpreted meaning out of ALL their interactions and became deeply invested.

I don’t necessarily ship them cause of the parallels, age gap, enemies to lover trope, height difference, or some of those common reasons and/or kinks. I’m more basic and boring than that. I love the concept of them coming together as though it’s inevitable.

They both are unbelievably strong, selfless, and have suffered so much loss— so, no one else could truly understand them as well as they can understand each other. They both probably would have always settled for a stable, simple life, and been alone and lonely even without realizing it— instead, they find each other, and realize what it means to actually no longer be alone, to do more than just survive. It’s this understated bond, as opposed to a dramatic and passionate romance, that I envision in them and that I love so much.

Then, the passion, heat, the romantic "spark"— I think that’s an added bonus, the cherry on top, the perfect final puzzle piece. They’re both so physically capable, can speak through their actions, and don’t show much need or capacity for emotional/ verbal communication, so the ability to connect with each other through physical intimacy and mind-blowing sex seems like another given.

Still, at the end of the day, for me it comes back to their ability to fully depend on each other, to the inevitability. Not like some soulmate trope where they 'have no choice' in it, but like the stars aligned to prove it's right. How each of them have only one other person on the whole planet who could see and understand them, to be on par with them, to make them realize there’s more to life than settling and surviving, and they happen to find it in each other.

You asked, I rambled 😅 Here’s a breakdown of my thought process in my rivamika journey. For those who make it to the end or want to skip to the end, I'll finish with the excerpt of the very first rivamika scene I felt compelled to to write.

I've tried before to re-watch and remember the exact scenes, exact moments, that initially captured my full attention, but I guess it was all of them, the gradual and cumulative compilation of their earliest interactions.

Mikasa always appearing cool and indifferent, and paying no attention whatsoever to others fawning over, like Jean initially falling for her, but then her strongly reacting over Levi in the courtroom showed how uniquely capable he was at getting under her skin.

Of course, the scene in the forest chasing the Female Titan was a critical one. I think of that as the first time both Levi and Mikasa were truly able to see the other's strength, mental and physical. And for them, orphans and trauma survivors who have suffered extensive loss, I think that seeing strength in another person made them feel less alone. Less alone in a deep, quiet but cataclysm, life-altering sort of way, even if not a romantic one. Like they didn't know it was something they didn't have, something they didn't expect to get from life, but then found it with each other.

(Even when we found out Levi was an Ackerman, I was disappointed if it meant they were immediate relatives, but willing to accept it wouldn't be a romantic end to loneliness, it would be a familial end to loneliness. But... the author never explored that. Not once.)

In that forest scene, manga and anime, the way that Levi pauses to really look and see Mikasa and think about who she is, what she’s gone through, and how strong and dedicated she is now— that was a defining moment. It was also a visual demonstration of Levi breaking character, from aloof and ruthless, to considering and curious. I thought Yams was showing both of them do that on purpose.

Then, Levi getting hurt because of Mikasa in that scene felt like another clue. Sure, it was while saving Eren, and sure, it could have been meant to humanize super-soldier Levi, or sure, it could have been another aspect of how Mikasa rushing into things over Eren ends up hurting other people that later changes in her character development, but it felt like a very pointed statement about Mikasa being a vulnerability for Levi. And that's swoon-worthy, right? Most of us have been exposed to and conditioned by stories about how special and romantic it is to be the one and only girl who can make an otherwise disinterested or unattainable guy actually pay attention to her, and so admittedly I fall right for it.

I’m sure I’m forgetting plenty, but the opening of season 3 felt like confirmation. When Levi figures out Kenny's behind things and entrusts Mikasa with instructions to share with the others, instructions about fighting people instead of titans that ultimately everyone else besides her struggles with, and when Mikasa lets Levi hold her back from chasing after Eren, her most important way of trusting and having faith in Levi, I honestly took that as cues from the author that rivamika was endgame. I let myself get truly invested from then on. That’s that understated bond I was referring to. To me, that unspoken but undeniable trust is the most important dynamic.

Seeing them fight together or fight similarly has always been fun and powerful and fulfilling.

I'm newer to the snk club. I was originally an anime-only fan and started watching in fall 2019, I think. I wasn't on tumblr, twitter, or anything else to see fandom discourse. So, I didn't know that the rooftop scene of Mikasa fighting Levi over the serum was such a staple for our ship until much later. I love the scene just like many do for all the reasons we do, but I don't think the actual scene was pivotal for me, so much as it's aftermath. I thought it represented two things.

One, it was an important marker in Levi's characterization. Hands-down one of the most striking scenes to me is the one where Levi is in the alley, somber and alone, listening in on Eren, Armin, and Mikasa talking together. It artfully shows his longing for hope and connection. So, when Levi chose Armin for the serum, that represented Levi choosing hope. And when Mikasa ultimately gave up fighting Levi and didn't choose Armin, which Armin finds out about later on, I see that as an important marker in Mikasa's development. It puts a wedge between her and Armin/Eren [Armin, because he knows she would have let him die, and Eren, because Armin is too special to him and he couldn't look at her the same way after realizing she would have let him die]. That distance between her and her childhood friends is one I don't think could ever be healed completely, one of those painful lessons in growing up. By doing that, it then also puts a distance in Mikasa's own childhood self to her current self. I thought that matured her and separated her out in a way that was another clue toward eventual rivamika developments.

That's a whole other conversation on Mikasa, but I’ll stay on track. Her love for Armin was absolutely authentic and fierce, but at the end of the day, at the core of her being, she chose survival over hope. Meanwhile, Levi chose hope over survival. To me, that was soft, fertile ground for the reasons why eventually, if/when Mikasa found hope and chose hope, that could directly tie together with her inevitably in coming together with Levi. Again, less butterflies and fireworks, but more natural and in a way that was just a given.

I wrote Beyond the Walls before reading the manga from the Marley Arc and on, so that's why most of that story is her journey into embracing that hope. *manga spoilers* There's a lot of meta, criticism and talk about Mikasa's silent, off-screen and subtle style of character development in the Marley Arc and afterward. I won't go down that road, I'm still processing the end of the manga to be honest, but I think it's fair to say she does eventually end up choosing hope over survival when she lets go of Eren and saves humanity instead. I love the “Stay with Me” line and think it’s perfect; a simple but profound display of trust and their deep-rooted bond in a really understated way. *end manga spoilers*

Here's something I always wanted to talk about in full but haven't. It honestly reads to me like Yams was building toward rivamika, and didn’t do anything to stop that until too late. There are tools authors can use to ensure we stop shipping a pair or start shipping a new one; love triangles are commonly used in every artistic medium and we’ve all been persuaded by these tools. But Yams didn’t use these tools to make sure readers didn’t feel convinced by rivamika. For all the reasons I listed above, more I'm forgetting, and for the following:

If he wanted us to think they were family and it would be incest, he should have added in a conversation between them realizing they were (close) family and that they weren't the only ones left in their biological family like they thought. But he didn't.

If he wanted us to think it was completely inappropriate between a child-and-adult and student-and-teacher, then he could have done something to ensure Mikasa looked childish or Levi looked older, but no. They barely look ten years apart. I do think it's unacceptable and that there's a power imbalance between a child-and-adult relationship regardless of that, and that there can't be true consent when one is a superior and another a subordinate, so I personally age-up Mikasa in my head and try to handle his position of power responsibly in my writings... but the point being, by the end of canon, there's no inappropriate or non-consensual romance between them, yet there's a lot of history and chemistry that could naturally lead to an age-appropriate and consensual relationship. If Yams didn't want us to think so, he could have made it more clear that there were reasons it wouldn't happen.

The only thing that makes sense to me is the author planned on rivamika endgame but was shamed/pressured out of it (either internally or due to others) OR that the author somehow accidentally created such vibrant chemistry and an incredible dynamic between them. Like, he didn't put enough convincing substance of eremika in, didn't make Levi look old enough, didn’t have one of them do something unforgivable in the other’s eyes, etc. Those are some of those tools he could have used. Romance was never a key component in snk. And since we now know Yams planned or needed eremika endgame for sake of plot and the conclusion of the manga, I personally think he didn't know what to do with the riveting rivamika substance and chemistry being much more convincing to readers. Once he had them so well built-up, maybe the only option he felt he had was to just stop putting the characters together. We get little-to-no rivamika interaction, platonic or practical, after season 3 all the way up until the very end. But there was so much of it beforehand ?? So, it simply doesn't make sense. I think the author just straight-up cut any and all interactions out between them because it was too convincing and moving, more convincing and substantial than eremika. But, as the end of canon shows, we needed to have some eremika buy-in. It's messy writing and unskilled in the romance department, but considering for how long and how complicated snk has been in a creative process and how lackluster the eremika romance (the main and apparently pivotal romance) is developed, I think it’s plausible to say the author effed up.

As far as writing fanfiction goes, there's just so much room to explore them. In canon, we aren't given enough insight into their individual perspectives, let alone their dynamic together, so it feels like a blank canvas to work from. I think that's part of why I love to write them, and also why I don't necessarily read much of them. When I first started shipping them while watching the anime, I read a few of the classics that were canon-verse, but I haven’t really read much since. For me, exploring and discovering them as a writer is the most fun. (It's one of the reasons Naruto and Harry Potter have such large fanfiction collections. There's so much world-building and so many characters, but there's also so much left to the imagination.)

In general, I'm drawn to strong characters, especially women, who are multidimensional enough to be real, vulnerable and soft. Mikasa is the pinnacle of that. I don’t necessarily like to write about her love or infatuation with Eren, but I do respect and admire and consider it integral to her character and her amazing capacity to love. We can have strong, kickass women who falter when it comes to love but are still considered strong for it. The two don’t have to be mutually exclusive and Mikasa is a beautiful example of that.

And Levi is strong, but real and vulnerable too; he’s honestly a fantastically developed character, from Petra explaining to Eren in the beginning how he’s not the amazing hero he’s painted to be to the public, to how Levi genuinely cares for Erwin and others and chooses hope despite all he’s suffered.

The end of the manga wrecked me a bit. Kind of like Games of Thrones. You have something that was so epic and well-done for so long, a rushed ending that isn't immediately sensical and isn't fulfilling is hard to stomach. Eventually, I'll move on from the denial of that and process what I think and feel about it. The whole reason we have fanfiction is to expand on canon, but it's made me put rivamika on the back burner until I figure it out. So I'm a little less hyper-fixated on the pairing right now even though interacting with you all and asks like this remind me what brought me here in the first place. 😊

To conclude, I’ll share that the very first rivamika content I wrote was a compilation of moments I thought could be inserted into season 3. These are still moments I plan to edit and publish one day. For anyone that actually read this far, I’ll put a rough and unedited excerpt of the first scene I ever wrote about them.

Thank you again anon 🖤😊

BEGIN EXCERPT [after the rooftop fight for the serum, immediately following the ceremony where Eren touched Historia by kissing her hand]:

Part of her was embarrassed at such a flagrant act of disobedience to a superior, especially to one who saved her and countless others' lives in the past. But mostly, she was anguished by the situation Captain Levi put her in once he revoked the serum meant to save Armin and planned to use it on Commander Erwin instead. Her current ostracization and self-loathing was not entirely her own fault. Anger she felt toward herself was just as easy to wield against him.

It must have shown in the grit of her teeth or defiant tone, because he turned to look at her, more aloof than curious.

Like a flint struck to steel, it ignited the fury she felt toward him.

“I shouldn’t have hesitated. I should have just killed you,” she answered him at last, piercing him with eyes darker than the night.

He wasn’t concerned. “You’re good, but not that good.”

Her hands fell to her side, fists clenched as she stood with a single, fluid movement. Before she could let loose a threat, he sighed.

“What’s the problem, Ackerman?” He was dismissive, his shoulders relaxed and posture loose.

The fire too furious to contain, she went sailing for him with the same speed from the battlefield. Her fingers already curled, she tightened her grasp as she swung her fist into his gods-damned apathetic face.

Levi wasn’t unprepared. He easily side-stepped her, then snatched her wrist to steal her momentum. Though he tried to toss her aside, she was no less fast; Mikasa dug her heel in and spun, her other arm shoving hard into his chest.

Too graceful to stumble, Levi used the chance to hook her second arm too. He caged both her wrists in a grip so strong, she was sure it bruised her bones. Still, he only looked at her warily, almost bored.

“Shouldn’t you be grateful? I chose Armin.” If his reminder was meant to ease her anger, it had the opposite effect.

Fury and desperation gifted her additional strength. She shoved into his chest hard. Levi shifted backward, nearly forced into loosening his grip; within that split second of an opening, Mikasa slammed her elbow into his chin, rocking his head backward.

“You did,” she seethed, but as fast as the fire inside her exploded, it was doused. Her next words came out broken and damp. “But I didn’t.”

Levi remained stern and otherwise unmoving as he attempted to flex his jaw through the spasm of pain. As the momentum of the fight died down, he loosened his hold on her wrists and evaluated her distraught frame.

Mikasa immediately released her own hands and turned away from him, eyes stinging from tears she refused to shed as she focused on the stars ahead. Admitting the harsh words aloud hurt her far more than any injury she could inflict onto him.

Not only was Armin one of the only friends she had, but he’d been a steadfast one throughout almost all she could remember of her life. After the trauma of her childhood, it was Eren and Armin who embraced her, whom she learned to love. Now, though, there was a wedge between her and Armin she was not sure could ever be removed. What was worse, as deplorable and selfish as she knew it proved her to be, was the painful wedge it now put between her and Eren too.

Once again, she found Levi standing at the peripheral of her sight, close enough to see but far enough to be a blur at the edge of her watery vision.

“You almost killed me.” Levi repeated his earlier words, but he said them with an odd bite, torn between frustration and patience. “You would have killed me to save him.”

Too late, Mikasa realized he hadn’t meant these words as an accusation, but an odd form of validation. She bit her bottom lip, teeth puncturing too hard; the tang of metal was sharp on her tongue when she swallowed blood.

“You thought about letting your closest friend die,” Levi said quietly, tiredly. “But I did let mine die. I left him for dead, when I could have saved him.”

Mikasa was startled from her selfish reverie, for the first time acknowledging the sacrifice he made on that fateful afternoon. She’d been too absorbed in her own relief, and then, her own regrets to consider what the decision had done to him.

For a brief moment, she considered turning to face him, but the stark reality of the matter made her refrain. How could she feel pity for his loss, when his loss enabled her gain? An uncomfortable knot tightened in her stomach.

“Tch,” Levi sighed. He was only one notch less taciturn, but for him, that was soft. “You’ll live with your guilt, and I’ll live with mine.”

His words granted Mikasa’s tears the permission to spill. She buried her face further into her scarf, both hands trembling at the worn threads. As quietly as he arrived onto the roof, Levi disappeared from it.

It was rare for him to indulge in alcohol or celebrations, but Erwin’s absence felt more tangible than his presence ever did. Levi distracted himself with the chaos of the few remaining Scouts that Erwin had died entrusting his legacy to, and attempted to drown the pain with whatever drink Connie Springer shoved into his hands.

He found Hanji with their ale long-forgotten about on the table as they half-stood from their seat, frantic while explaining some morbid experiment in great, vivid detail to an unsuspecting and slightly horrified MP officer.

Though Levi wordlessly took the seat beside them, Hanji paused their rant to slap him hard on the back, an enthusiastic greeting flying from their drunken lips. The MP took this chance to excuse himself, a pathetic attempt at politeness, but Hanji either didn’t care or didn’t notice.

“Ah, Levi,” they smiled at his drink, though it didn’t entirely reach their one eye. “Where you been?”

Levi didn’t answer. “You know, shitty-glasses, you’re even more unbearable about your experiments when you’re drunk.”

Hanji waved dismissively and reached for their ale. Years spent in battle and command together had gifted both of them with an eased familiarity, and sometimes, genuine friendship. In the same manner he ignored their question, Hanji ignored his lack of response and went on with their original inquiry.

“Careful, Captain,” Hanji warned lightly. “Now that there’s far fewer Scouts, you having a favorite might cause some division.”

Even though Hanji meant the words, there was a glint of mischief that twinkled in their remaining eye.

“It’s not favoritism,” Levi countered bluntly, turning his vision toward the young man on the far side of the room. “Eren is simply the best chance that we have in this war.”

Hanji laughed as if he’d made a joke and Levi looked back to stare at them, unable to be surprised at their quirks or oddities any longer, but still a touch curious about what spurned this current demonstration.

“I wasn’t talking about Eren,” Hanji said at last, a pointed nod toward his injured chin.

Levi blinked. He didn’t realize he was nursing his injury with the hand not on his drink. As though it were too hot to touch, Levi dropped his hand.

Hanji was not judgmental, nor inquisitive. In a war-torn life of losing too many cadets entrusted to him, the fact that Levi found a soldier with the strength and skill to remain safe was not only rare, but worth special attention. Still, it made him too lenient.

“Sometimes I think you’d let her get away with murder,” Hanji chided halfheartedly.

When he thought of Erwin dead in his grasp, sometimes he wasn’t sure if he already had.

#my asks #my thoughts #rivamika #rivamika fanfic #lena writes

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warinthetangledstars · 3 years

Text

Howzer x fem reader

Also on A03 under the same username.

If you like this... I may be willing to take requests if you send something that clicks with me. I do plan on doing some Imagines with other clones. *cough*rex*cough. And even some General Grievous.

Stay Part 1

This imagine will probably be 2 or 3 parts. Eventually smut.

Setup for imagine: You are Cham Syndulla's sister, so close your eyes and imagine your beautiful self as a Twi'lek lady.

The Clone Wars recently ended and your family is gathered for dinner. This takes place before the events in TBB, so the Empire's plans for Ryloth are not yet known.

____________________________________________

"This is nice, eating dinner without talking about battle strategies," your comment was the first thing to break the silence since everyone had started eating.

With full mouths, the others at the table either hummed in agreement or nodded their heads silently; until Cham, sitting at one end of the table, finally swallowed down his food, "Most importantly, we can finally work towards healing - Ryloth and ourselves. This war has taken so much from us; we must come together as a family, appreciate what we still have, and move forward."

To emphasize his point, he stretched out his arms and took a hand of both his wife and daughter, who were sitting to either side of him, giving them both an appreciative glance. Your niece sitting next to you, bowed her head slightly, the implications of his words hitting a still-sensitive part of her. Without hesitation, you placed a hand on the back of her shoulder, a silent offering of support.

You didn't have to be force-sensitive like the Jedi to feel the sadness hidden behind the words that were, on the surface, positive and inspiring. Your eyes travelled from Hera, to your brother, and to your sister-in-law as you admired and appreciated their strength. If it hadn't been for them, you would have lost faith and hope a long time ago.

Finally, your eyes landed on Captain Howzer, who sat directly across from you. Your eyes met for a fleeting moment before he bowed his head sharply, seeming to take a sudden, intense interest in the food on his plate, poking at it with the utensil in his hand. Due to spending so much time with him during the war, you knew that, by bowing his head, he was trying not to impose on the intimate family moment. It seemed no matter how much time he spent with you and your family, no matter how much happiness you shared or pain you suffered through together, he still felt unworthy of witnessing such tender familial moments because, well, he wasn't part of the family - he was an outsider.

Technically, it was true, he was not part of your family; he wasn't even Twi'lek, after all. He was a human, a clone of a human - some thought it necessary to make that distinction, though you couldn't see why. And, yes, he had started off as an outsider, a representative of the Republic Army and the undesirable, but necessary, military occupation that made its way to Ryloth due to the war; however, that was no longer the case. Captain Howzer had been loyal to your family and played a vital role in maintaining Ryloth's liberation from the Separatists. Most of all, he had gained the upmost respect from your brother.

So, whether he felt worthy or not, there was an unspoken acknowledgement in the family that Howzer was a part of it now, welcomed with open arms. And you, feeling the way you did towards him, always felt the urge to actively include him when appropriate.

With your eyes still on Howzer, you added to your brother's statement, "Don't forget about what we have gained."

Your brother gave you a skeptical glance, no doubt wondering how anything could be gained from a devastating war.

"You are right," Eleni spoke up as she looked over at Howzer, understanding the reference of your words as if she had been thinking it herself, "Ryloth has received many blessings from unexpected places. Your friendship, Howzer, is one of them."

Cham's skepticism faded into understanding, "Agreed."

Howzer, no longer hiding his face, looked at Cham and Eleni and offered them a wide grin as he spoke generic words of thanks. He did appreciate the kind words, but honestly, they only made him feel more...conflicted.

Howzer was literally created to serve the Republic and he only came to Ryloth because of his given order: Aid Ryloth in their continued liberation from the Separatists; he did not come here for friends or family. And he took it very seriously in the beginning. But as the war dragged on and he experienced wins and losses with your family, the more he came to care for your family in a way he had never cared for anyone before, outside of his brothers of course.

So, regardless of what brought him to Ryloth, he now found himself here, eating dinner with the Syndulla family with no meaningful purpose other than to spend time in their company. Yes, he had certainly gotten too close and now, for the first time in his life, he felt anguish for the position he was in. Tomorrow, he would leave Ryloth. The war was over, so the military occupation was no longer needed. Which, of course he agreed, was a good thing for the people of Ryloth, but he also found himself yearning to stay. To stay here with you.

He had fallen for you, hard, and it was absolutely the last thing he needed. From the very first time he saw you, he was stunned by your beauty, unabated, even through the visor of his helmet. And then, from all of the time spent together in close quarters, his appreciation of your beauty flourished into something much more. Proposing plans of attack that turned into friendly games of competition to see who could destroy the most droids. Debating best lines of defense that turned into intimate conversations to help each other work through the painful losses. Harmless jokes that turned into flirtatious banter. He was oblivious to the subtle changes over time and realized it only when it was too late.

He should have never allowed himself to become so completely enamored with you. You were a beautiful Twi'lek woman, from an important family, meant to bring Ryloth back to its former glory, marry someone worthy of you, and have a family just as Cham did.

He knew he wasn't worthy of you. He was a clone trooper. He held the title of captain, sure, but still a clone; he would never be anything more than that. And he was leaving, off to wherever the Empire ordered him to go, to carry out whatever task the Empire ordered him to complete.

So, no matter how he felt towards you, there was so much that attested to the fact that you and him were never meant to be. He had to keep trying to break free of the feelings for you that he recklessly allowed to flourish, unchecked. He had to let you go.

Still, his actions betrayed his reasoning, as his dark, honey-gold eyes moved from Cham and Eleni, to meet yours.

A smile broke across your serious face at the sight of Howzer's returned gaze until you noticed the smile that lifted his cheeks falter slightly, your own smile retreating in response. You'd seen this happen before, all of those times when Howzer tried to give some semblance of happiness while his true feelings were anything but. You titled your head slightly, with one eyebrow raised in question, as you studied him. He was hiding something.

Howzer's eyes widened slightly, realizing you weren't fooled by his counterfeit smile. What had given him away? Had he slipped somehow?

His minute reaction confirmed your intuition, causing you to furrow your brows and mouth the words, 'What's wrong?'

Howzer didn't have a chance to offer any type of silent response before Cham spoke again, "In regards to moving forward, Sister, you can finally think about starting a family of your own."

You slowly turned to Cham, hesitantly breaking your gaze with Howzer, but noticed in your peripherals that his eyes did not leave you, "This is true."

"Do you have anyone in mind?" Cham questioned as he stabbed some food onto his utensil.

Do you have anyone in mind? You could imagine your brother was expecting you to name one of the Twi'lek warriors that played a vital role during the war. Of course, before the war, you would have agreed with that notion, as you did spend a lot of time in your childhood whiling away the hours by daydreaming about a strong, Twi'lek warrior coming into your life and the resulting family that would come from that fateful meeting; a family that reflected very much the family your brother had been blessed with.

But that was before you met a tan-skinned soldier from Kamino.

When he first arrived on Ryloth, he was just one of thousands, concealed behind a set of form-fitting plastoid plates and black body glove, made unique only by the teal markings on his armor and teal pauldron that adorned his right shoulder. Meeting him did nothing to alleviate any of your apprehension of working with a clone army. The combination of his visor acting as a solid, black mirror and his voice filtering through the helmet, giving it almost a mechanical sound, made it impossible for you to really connect with man under the armor. It was almost like speaking to a soulless droid.

It wasn't until you took a more active role in the war, when you finally met the man beneath the armor. After a particularly intense battle, that lasted far too long, both of you sat on the ground with your backs leaned against a boulder you had taken position behind during the fight, breathing heavily. You weren't looking at him when you heard the movement of his helmet followed by an unfiltered sigh of relief. Curiously and cautiously, you turned to look at him and you felt your eyes widen in surprise. All of your speculating of what hid under the helmet did not compare to the strong, angled profile of the man that sat beside you. And you were so overwhelmed by it that you had to turn away from him.

After that battle was the first time the two of you really talked to each other and made some sort of connection beyond "Twi'lek" and "Clone Trooper". He was actually a person to you from that point on and it didn't take long for that connection to cultivate into a friendship and then blossom into something more. Or, at least on your end, you supposed. You weren't exactly sure how he felt about you, because the signals he gave you were a bit conflicting - always sliding on a spectrum of 'cautious flirting' and 'cordial indifference', but you knew your feelings for him had, at some point, crossed into a whole new, serious threshold.

You; however, had never revealed your feelings for Howzer to anyone and was not privy to the idea of doing so in the moment. Still, you couldn't help but flick your eyes towards Howzer for just a second as you planned your response.

If Howzer hadn't been looking at you so intently, holding onto his breath as he waited for your answer, he would have missed that split-second glance you gave him. A glance that made his stomach twist on itself as his feelings of conflict washed over him again. You had looked at him as you considered Cham's question. Once again there was a small act of confirmation that you felt something for him, that you reciprocated the feelings he had for you, but only to be forced to remind himself that your feelings for him, no matter what they were, didn't change the fact that pursuing a life with you was just not a possibility.

You didn't see Howzer struggle to keep his straight posture as discontent weighed down on his shoulders.

"I may need more time to think on it."

Your brother nodded at your answer, giving himself time to chew through his food, "Understandable, but if you want any advice I may know of some good candidates."

Candidates? The word made you roll your eyes, "I love you, Brother, but I will not be taking advice from you on this subject."

He huffed a laugh and raised his utensil in quick surrender, "Okay, okay, but maybe Eleni can help you."

No longer interested in carrying out this conversation in front of Howzer, you waved your hand gently in front of you, "I don't need help. I will handle it," you pointedly looked at your sister-in-law to add, "No offense."

Eleni let out a soft, reassuring laugh, "No offense taken. I have every faith you will find someone perfect for you."

You looked away awkwardly; it took everything for you not to look at the man that sat beside her.

Hardly skipping a beat, Eleni turned to Howzer, "What about you?"

Though you did not look to see, you could tell, by his voice and the movement in his chair, that he turned the top half of his body towards her, "I'm sorry, ma'am, what about me?"

"Have you thought about starting a family?"

"Oh, I do-- I've nev--," the way he stuttered made it sound like his brain was going to short circuit before he could decide on a satisfying answer, "the Repub - I mean - the Empire will keep me on as Captain."

Everyone waited, you unable to resist peeking at Howzer, for him to say something else, but his silence confirmed that he felt the question had been adequately answered.

"But now that the war is over, things will be so much more calm and you would surely have the time to focus on a family, even if you do stay on as Captain," Eleni reasoned.

He shifted in his seat, "I guess so. I've never really thought about it," though his answer seemed frail, like it wasn't entirely true.

"Well, I'm sure you'd have no problem finding someone if you wanted to. Cham told me how popular you were with the ladies here on Ryloth."

Cham shot a glance at Eleni, not angry, but not happy, "Eleni..."

A beeping interrupted Cham, a beeping that came from Howzer's wristlink. You couldn't help but smile inwardly at the audible sigh of relief that escaped his lips as he stood up, "Excuse me," his voice serious.

As he walked away, you noticed that your body had tensed from the sound of his voice and, looking around, saw that you weren't the only one to do so. The war was over, but hearing Captain Howzer's serious military voice brought you all back to the battle field.

He was hardly gone for a minute before he returned to the table, choosing to stand next to his seat instead of sitting back down.

"Is everything fine?" Cham asked calmly, but seriously, as he stared up at Howzer.

Howzer gave a single nod, "Yes, sir. All is well, but I must check in with the evening patrol," he bent down to pick up his helmet from the floor and placed it snuggly under his left arm.

Everyone, including you, relaxed, but you couldn't help but be surprised by his answer, Why were they still doing patrols?

As he stood back at his full height, his eyes scanned everyone at at table, "Thank you for inviting me to dinner," his eyes landed on Eleni, "the food was delicious."

You quickly tossed aside your concern about the mysterious patrols, "Hey now," your firm voice drew Howzer back to you, "why are you telling her that? I'm the one that cooked dinner."

His head shook slightly, dismissing you entirely as he said your name in a playful manner, "I know you didn't cook it."

You cocked your head back, "Is that so?" Your voice was slightly challenging, "And what exactly makes you say that?"

Howzer had started to turn to walk away from the table, but stopped when you posed your question, "Well, it's just that," his right hand moved up to rub at the back of his neck, his eyes avoiding you as he carefully considered a response he really wasn't prepared to give.

Suddenly, Hera spoke up, taking the bait, "Because the food is edible. You're a terrible cook."

You released a sharp gasp, feigning offense at her words, but still looking at Howzer as he slightly lifted his right hand up into the air in surrender, "Whoa, that's not what I was going to say," he said, only to wink at Hera, causing her to giggle.

Cham and Eleni both failed to stifle their small laughs at what had been said. You rolled your eyes, letting them have the moment to laugh at your expense. There was no way for you to argue Hera's point; you were horrible at cooking.

It wasn't until Howzer once again announced his departure and exited the room, did your concerns about him and the patrols come back to the forefront of your mind. So, after just enough time to decide on your next course of action, you quickly excused yourself from the table and made you way after him.

#star wars howzer #howzer x reader #relationship #eventual smut #captain howzer #clone wars #clone captain howzer #clone simp #tbb howzer #star wars clone wars

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