#we won't truly know how it plays until it ships

[thefirstknife]

Thoughts on the Divinity nerf? It's not as bad as I feared, but I don't like the fact that they used the "trivializes aiming" wording.

Pretty much the same. We knew the nerf was coming, Bungie talked about looking into Divinity long before Salta made a mess on twitter so it was always going to happen. I personally don't think lovering debuff to half (from 30% to 15%) was necessary, but Bungie ran the numbers and settled on that. We won't know the true effect of this until it ships next season so I won't go into speculation on how it will work. Divinity will still very much be useful.

But yeah, the way it was phrased is really grating on me. It was almost word for word what Salta said. Like, it's an obvious reference. That part of Salta's twitter thread was the core issue for me; he framed the conversation around "aim" and "content is too easy" which obviously pissed people off. Had he omitted those arguments, people probably would've mostly been fine with his ideas. But the framing around those arguments turned it very ugly. At best, it's just mocking lower skilled players, at worst it's inciting ableism and gatekeeping.

So seeing that as an argument in the TWAB was ... not good for me. I'm fine with everything else, it went more or less as expected.

I have an idea that Hippy (the community manager that wrote the TWAB) copied Salta's tweet to make a point to the audience on twitter that's been harassing devs again over "not listening to their players" and "only listening to casuals." By copying a tweet from a pro hardcore player, she was able to prove both of those points wrong. The dev harassment got really bad with Eager Edge nerf so.

Or she just copied it without thinking too much of it and Bungie agrees with Salta's overall reasoning. No clue. I definitely would've preferred if they didn't encourage the pervasive idea in gaming that aim is the only thing that matters and that players who have issues with that for whatever reason are lesser, inferior and don't deserve to play games. That sort of thinking always ends up in ableism. I wish Bungie didn't encourage that gatekeepy and exclusionary language.

It's already making a lot of people on twitter posting really ableist comments and gloating and mocking players who are upset or disappointed. But I would also implore people not to imply that Bungie is lying about when they started looking into this (they did NOT nerf Div because of twitter) or that devs don't know what they're doing and we all know better as armchair devs. I've seen people being shitty to devs because of this in the same way people were shitty over Eager Edge.

[sstan-hoe]

𝑹𝒊𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑫𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒐𝒏

𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 — aemond targaryen × fem!reader

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 — Aemond wants you to ride with him on Vaghar, but you always avoid it until he makes a deal with you, you take a ride with him and in return he does the thing with the tongue you like so much

𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 — oral (female receiving), fingering/eating out, I'm not sure a little violence? Like they're riding on a dragon and there's fire, swearing

𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆 — the Targaryens just have this special something...currently I'm interested in Aemond and Daemon but I would also consider writing for Dany, Nyra and Haelena but we gotta see how you like my writing haha, follow @sstanhoe-updates if you don't wanna miss me posting! like, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated!!!! It's short but because I wanted to see if people like it

“No, no I refuse to indulge in this kind of…thing,” your back was turned to Aemond with the means to walk back to the red keep if you needed.

Your betrothed only chuckled, catching your arm to turn you into his chest. “Don't you trust me?” his question was stupid and you were well aware that he was just trying to tease you. “You have the largest dragon in the world that could eat you and you want me to climb in it? What if I fall or die, we are not even married yet,” you had good arguments, that much had Aemond to admit but he could be very convincing.

“How about a deal? If you fly with me I will do the thing with my tongue that you like so much.”

Your ears perked up at his statement. As much as you didn't want to give in and give him the satisfaction that he knew you.

“Fine, but don't you dare do anything crazy!” You warned him before striding over to Vaghar, the old girl was already familiar with you.

Aemond followed you with a triumphant smirk playing on his lips. It surprised him every day how had no fear of Vaghar but still refused to ride with him at every given opportunity.

“Well, what now? You wanted this so come on and let's get this over with,” you snapped at him. Aemond raised his eyebrows, closing the gap you caused. He pulled you flush against his chest and pinched your inner thigh through your gown, “keep in mind that there is something you want from me.”

A smirk tucked at your lips, “oh, well, if you don't do the tongue thing then I guess I won't do the riding thing….” Aemond's eyes widened, his mind was running wild. He didn't know if you said those words on purpose like this or not – no forget that, you always knew what you were saying. You cocked your eyebrow in challenge, Aemond shook his head and laid his hands on your waist.

“You little minx, start climbing,” he instructed and you obeyed, smirking until you sat on top of Vaghar and realized what you had actually agreed on.

“Sōvēs!” Aemond commands Vaghar and the dragon takes off. You pressed your head against his back while your hands clawed around his waist holding on for dear life as Vaghar began flapping her wings. “Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god,” your voice got higher and higher with every 'oh god'.

Aemond let Vaghar glide over the water, his right hand gently eased your hands free and interlocked your right hand with his.

The feeling of his hand comforted you. “You can open your eyes, my love,” his soothing voice called through your ear. You didn't notice that you closed your eyes, it was a reflex. Slowly you opened your eyes, what you saw was endless miles of water, not a single ship and everything was peaceful.

Your betrothed watched you closely, he didn't dare to say a word. Aemond feared you would realize what you were doing and go back to being scared.

“Ivestragī's jiōragon arlī, uēpa hāedar,” at the sound of Aemond speaking high Valyrion you turned your head. You never had the chance to learn Valyrion and therefore always had to ask Aemond what he was saying or what anyone else said. “Do not worry my love, we will ride back now.”

You lean your head back against Aemond and squeeze his hand. The man truly had a gift, he knew your thoughts before you could say them out aloud.

Suddenly Vaghar picked up speed and turned her body causing you to grip Aemond tightly once again. You screamed loudly which only amused Aemond. “Dracarys!” The blonde called out. Now that word you knew very well. Vaghar opened her maw and let the fire run free.

Aemond flew directly through the fire and you thought this was going to be your death.

Thankfully nothing happened, but that only sealed Aemond's downfall.

As you landed in front of the Dragon Pit you climbed off of Vaghar without hesitation. Standing in front of her face you took a deep breath, “you are awesome but we will never see each other under these circumstances again and you, you better work good with that tongue!” at the end of the sentence you turned to Aemond with a glare.

Back on the Red Keep, you lay in your shared bed with the Prince, him on his knees between your thighs.

“Aemond, my love could you please finally touch me?” you whined as Aemond was still admiring your pussy, how drenched it was for him.

“A deal is a deal,” with that he licked a long stripe along your folds, tasting your sweet wetness. He almost buries his head completely in you but leaves a little space for his fingers.

Slowly he eased one finger inside your puffy walls, your Prince always made sure to stretch you properly beforehand. His tongue devoured your clit while he added another finger, dipping them into your cunt and pumping them in and out. A low moan left your lips as Aemond hit your g-spot.

It felt like an eternity of pleasure that you would never want to end.

Releasing his fingers he leaned his head in, “after such an eventful day, I think you deserve to come,” before you could register his words Aemond dived in deep.

His tongue forced its way in and out of you, licking your leaking hole. Pure ecstasy flooded through your veins as his nose flicked on your clit.

Loud moans filled your chambers, your hips buckled under Aemonds touch and threatened to leave his tongue but his hand gripped your thighs to push you into him as if that man didn't need air. The knot in your stomach tightened and exploded the moment Aemond added two fingers to curl inside you, “oh god Aemond! Fuck, fuck, fuck, oh my god,” you cursed as your orgasm washed over you.

Aemond pushed you through your high and then cocked his head up with a smirk, “did I make good on my deal?” he asked in a sly tone.

“No, now get back down there,” was what you said before gripping his roots and pushing him back against your pussy. If that man didn't love you – and enjoy eating you out – then this would have gone the wrong way.

[nctsworld]

Your latest fic was so cute and funny. Deadass left me want to have more of it. Like, did the date go successfully? What other tricks our mischievous Gemini had up his sleeves? Seriously, short but so good.

thank you so much for reading at your earliest convenience! i won't be writing a continuation, but here's how it goes down:

reader is furious, and in retaliation, truly wants to set the bar high for the date

date activities requested: go to the movie theatre (and you tell hyuck he better be ready to buy every single snack and drink available), dinner at the most expensive restaurant in town (this shouldn't be surprising), then overpriced ice cream in the same area as the restaurant

but of course! hyuck turns it around and takes it a step up

he rents out an entire theatre to watch the movie, on top of clearing out the snack and drink section (hyuck is grateful for his friend, renjun, who is the manager of the theatre)

there's a moment when the back of your hands brush as you reach for the popcorn, but you deny your anxiety (and the obvious tension). obviously, it's only because you're the only two in this entire theatre.

afterwards, he doesn't drive you to the restaurant, but to the pier instead.

"i'm not even kidding—are you going to kill me and dump my body here?"

"i feel like if that was going to happen, you'd be doing that to me."

"then why aren't we at the restaurant?"

your brain clicks when you see it: the small cruise ship.

"you never said i couldn't bring the restaurant to you."

he isn't kidding, because he pulled strings to have one of the sous chefs from the restaurant to work tonight on his day off (you catch that his name is jaemin and that he owes hyuck a huge favour—okay, seriously? is this guy friends with everyone in town?)

and it's utterly romantic. only the two of you, besides some help and the chef.

candles light everywhere. wine and champagne, both readily available. the food is to die for.

you're warm. not from the alcohol and food. not from all the candles. not from all the smiling, laughing, and the truly, genuine good time you're having. something is blooming.

as the sun falls, especially by sea side, it becomes chillier. he offers his black bomber jacket and you accept, placing it around your shoulders.

when you finish dinner, you didn't expect to have a small cart roll up to you with several ice cream options.

"okay, i couldn't get the same brands from that store, but jaemin recommended these and they were pretty expensive."

following that, you catch yourself getting lost in his goofy smile, and after a beat, he laughs awkwardly.

"you okay? you're looking at me kind of funny."

shaking your head, you play into it. "because you do look funny."

the night ends perfectly. he drives you home, like the gentleman he is, and walks you to your door.

"i hate to say it, but i really had a good night."

"told ya."

god, that smirk.

"you're looking at me funny again," he says, but the expression on his face makes you think he knows something you don't.

you don't even compute the moment he leans in, cups your cheeks, and pulls you in for a sweet, deep kiss

the kind where it happens, you take a one-second breather, and then you dive right back into it

both of you, after making out for some time, realize you should probably stop as everyone can see.

"i'll text you later, yeah?" he says, drawing back.

you simply nod, mesmerized by him. his lips. his everything.

"for our next date, by the way," he whisper-shouts, walking backwards. "i'm calling the shots and it'll be a simple one."

"who says there'll be a second date?" you ask cheekily.

"oh yeah?" he raises an eyebrow.

you embrace for another few more minutes until a dog barks, breaking your bubble.

and hyuck ends off with a kiss on your cheek and a soft good night whispered into your ear.

[the--highlanders]

I would be interested in hearing about how Jamie influenced the Doctor's moral code

I do want to preface this by saying that one's companions absolutely play a massive role in influencing the doctor's development and morality. barbara probably more than anyone. one as we first meet him in an unearthly child is not the same as one in the tenth planet, or two going forward. he's already come a long way by that point.

that being said, two in power of the daleks and the highlanders is. honestly a lot more morally grey than he is later in his run, or compared to later incarnations. he does very little to reassure ben and polly post-regeneration, picks up the examiner's badge with not a lot of outward concern for the man who's just died, runs around in the highlanders antagonising the people he doesn't like without ever actually specifying whose side he's on. he bashes perkins' head into a table until he admits he has a headache. there's a real sense that he's doing everything he does less because he wants to do the right thing, and more because it's entertaining to him. his sense of right and wrong is far more secondary than it will be in the future.

some of his development is driven by himself, and likely by his other companions - 'there are some corners of the universe which have bred the most terrible things' comes before he's had much of a chance to get to know jamie, let alone have jamie's sense of morality rub off on him. but as the doctor (and the audience) get to know jamie, his moral code starts looking an awful lot like the one the doctor will come to adopt

the first thing about jamie is that while he meets the doctor in the aftermath of a war, while the first time we see him he's holding a knife to two's throat - he's not a soldier. he's a musician. he's spent nearly a year as (more or less) a non-combatant marching with an army. and that shows in the way he acts, because while physically he's a capable fighter, and happy to show that when he needs to, he is fundamentally not a killer. he'll destroy robots, but he won't kill humans or humanoid aliens. he duels with trask, but knocks him off the ship rather than finishing him off. he refuses to fight the gond with a weapon. even when it's to his detriment or puts other people in danger, like him being initially unable to shoot the zombie in the age of ambition.

maybe most tellingly, in the novelisation of the abominable snowmen, he's the one to step in and stop the monks from killing the abbot. he steps in front of the abbot, 'ignoring the weapon' pointed at him, and gets the monks to stand down by telling them 'we've had enough killing'. which is something it's very easy to imagine the doctor doing.

he also ends up being the one to push the doctor into investigating, like in enemy of the world, or putting his foot down and insisting they should do the right thing, like in evil of the daleks where rescues victoria even when two tells him not to. in fact, it's predictable enough that he will do this that two hinges the start of the human factor experiment on the fact that he can tell jamie not to do the right thing and help a complete stranger, and jamie will defy him and do it anyway. more than that, two's whole sub-plan to create 'good' daleks depends on his belief that jamie embodies the best of humanity. at the beginning of series 5, he's already recognised jamie's moral code as something that defines him and that can be depended on.

so jamie is someone who prefers to avoid (lethal) force if he can, and who will stick his neck out to help people when he doesn't have to or when even people he cares deeply for say he shouldn't. which isn't particularly true of two at the beginning of his run, but which starts to become true from s5 onwards, and which later incarnations will cleave to.

but the really telling thing is - we very rarely see jamie truly, properly hate someone. he butts heads with villains (vaughn in the invasion, for instance), and disapproves of people who don't live up to his standards or expectations (william wallace in on a pedestal being childish, irresponsible, and careless with other people; two in evil of the daleks for, again, being careless with other people and appearing to side with the daleks). but there's really only two times on-screen where he can't stand someone. one of these is evans in the web of fear, who really just wants to escape and save himself, rather than help everyone else. he's a coward, and jamie calls him out on it with disgust. but most of all, he hates bennik in enemy of the world. the interrogation scene is probably the angriest we ever see him. he hates bennik's callousness, actively threatens him, and says - interestingly - that he 'must have been a nasty little boy'. he's seething through that whole scene.

so the two characteristics that jamie seems to find completely unbearable are - cowardice, and cruelty. and those are the two major tenets of the 'oath' that goes along with the doctor's identity and mission. 'never be cruel, and never be cowardly'.

he's not solely responsible for the person the doctor becomes and the way they end up approaching the universe - those wheels were set in motion long before he arrived, and the doctor themselves provides a lot of the impetus. but it's interesting that jamie arrives just after the doctor's first regeneration, at a time where he seems to be searching for who he is and who he will be - and there's jamie to set a standard, and hold two to it.

[markantonys]

i was looking at your latest gifset and realised why cauthor is such an amazing ship. mat needs someone who has his back in the way rand does. all the years of his parents and everyone else telling him he's no good, he'll never amount to anything - that kinda stuff sinks in until eventually you start to believe it yourself. and i'm not saying mat doesn't have any flaws of course, but I think some of the time his actions are dictated by what he believes about himself, that he really isn't worth it.

but rand - he's been mat's protector from day one, hasn't he? always in his corner, always defending him and letting mat know without equivocation that he is worth it, that he is a good person who deserves love and a second chance. and that was even before the whole dragon reborn thing came into play. when mat said at the start, "don't stay up-mountain too long" rand answered, "i won't". he won't stay up too long because he misses mat and knows mat needs him too. is it any wonder even ishamael shipped them?

THIS!!!!!! all of this, i'm weeping!!!! i remember in the wait between seasons i was going "oh man the cauthor reunion will be so angsty, rand will be so hurt over mat having stayed behind at the waygate!" but then we got to the actual reunion and it turned out i'd sorely underestimated rand's love for mat! rand is nothing but happy to see mat again, he gives him 100% unconditional love and understanding without bringing up the waygate incident at all, except for taking a moment to tell mat that they aren't better off without him. because he knows mat well enough to guess that the reason he stayed behind might've been that he thought the gang was better off without him, and he loves mat enough to believe this IS the reason rather than supposing something less charitable like selfishness or cowardice. and rand himself, for the first time in his life, has been struggling with feeling his loved ones are better off without him ever since the eye of the world, and this has given him new empathy for and new insight into how mat has felt for his ENTIRE life.

i know that "i'll take care of you" "it's rotten work" "not to me, not if it's you" has become a meme at this point, but it truly is the perfect descriptor of the cauthor dynamic! and on both ends too, since in s2 we see mat starting to be protective of rand and take care of him too now that rand's getting his own share of Issues. mat also assures rand that they aren't better off without him, after all! their lil amateur therapy session in cairhien is so perfect because they are both so well-positioned to understand the internal issues the other is currently dealing with, because it's similar to their own issues. and they each have their own way of showing care, and it just so happens to be perfectly suited to what the other needs; rand is very earnest and vocal in telling mat he's a good person, which is what mat needs to counteract all the fears that have been driven into him since childhood about being worthless, and meanwhile mat takes care of rand by teasing him and joking around and making him smile, which is what rand needs to lighten the burden of being TDR for a while. no wonder ishamael ships them, indeed! he is not immune to homoerotic devotion!

also, what really gets me is that mat didn't get to witness rand's passionate defenses of him in fal dara! nynaeve, you better have been recording the fight on your phone so you can show it to mat, he Needs To Know just how well rand continues to speak of him even when he isn't around. there probably won't be time for it in s3, but i would love a scene where egwene and mat talk for the first time after the great waygate abandonment, and mat's apologizing and egwene's like "well i was pretty mad at you at the time but we're cool now" and mat asks if rand was mad at him too, because he needs to know if he hurt rand but knows rand won't admit if he did because he'd want to spare mat's feelings, and egwene tells mat that rand was not mad at him and in fact defended him tooth and nail against everyone else, and mat's like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 trying not to cry, and egwene's internally like "oh my god can you two just make out already". this scene happens between 2x08 and 3x01 in my heart!

[queen0fm0nsterz]

Kinda random, but if the characters are supposed to abstract while the series is running, I believe Kinger or will be last, or won't and will try to protect the others.

He is a king after all, the king is the last piece to be captured in chess. I think every character kinda fits a chess piece, but I don't have enough brain power to assign everyone.

I really enjoy this idea in a vacuum, but I think that in the context of the plot as we know it now it might be a bit of a reach. We will have to wait and see. However I am very happy you compared Kinger to the actual king in chess because I think his behaviour somewhat reflects what a king in a game of chess actually does.

((For those who don't know: I'm an aspiring chess nerd, and I have been learning how to play the game to the best of my abilities. Prepare for an infodump.))

A king in chess is the most important piece of the board when it comes to protection: losing your king means checkmate, a.k.a losing the game. At the beginning of the game, the king is surrounded by the rest of the chess pieces which act as his defensors. This reminded me a bit of how Kinger tries to constantly keep himself in a pillow fort in an attempt to self preservate.

When it comes to moves, the king is a bit peculiar. In spite of being so important, the king can only move a single square per turn; however, unlike most other pieces, it can move in all directions. Ironically, it has the same mobility of a pawn, but the ability to go everywhere of the queen.

Kinger himself is a bit of a nutcase. He is wildly unpredicatble (can move on all directions), sprewing out words of genius and genuinely insightful information while also acting completely nonsensical. Two sides of a guy... but the thing here is that he rarely takes action himself. The only instance of him truly deciding to do something besides keeping his fort was when he played rock paper scissors with Gangle. He moves with... caution is not the right words as I doubt he even is able of being cautios, but that's the sentiment; he can only "move" once, so he has to make it count.

An interesting detail about the chess piece is that it usually remains unmoved until the chess game enters its endgame stage. That would be when few pieces are on the board. Looking at the members of the current gang vs the many previous players seen on the crossed out doors, we can infer that at this current moment in time in the timeline the metaphorical endgame is taking place right now. And now, according to Jax, is when Kinger decides to start spewing out information about the digital world which he had never disclosed before. We don't know for certain if it was even a conscious decision, but it's certainly peculiar.

Concluding this with a bit of a sad thought: we all know that between those who have (presumably) Abstracted, there was another chess character by the name of "Queenie".

Due to her name and appearence, many have assumed that she and Kinger were formerly in close ties with one another possibly even prior to them entering the Digital Circus.

I think this headcanon has merit: they share a theme, appearence and the title of royalty, so why not assume a relation between the two? It'd be terribly sweet and tragic considering how she ends up...

However, I must point out something here that I haven't seen anyone bring up: Queenie is the black queen. Kinger is the white king. On the chessboard, they would be enemies, playing on opposite sides. With this in mind, I remember that the creator of the series said that there won't be any canonical ships in the show; with this knowledge, let's take this a step forward... what if the reason there won't be any relationship from an in-universe stand point is because the circus itself does not allow any deep interpersonal relationships?

Even if they were together prior to getting into the circus, Kinger and Queenie can't be together -- and this is reflected on their designs: king and queen on opposing teams.

And the Queen is a very active piece on the chessboard. I have no doubt that Queenie tried to figure out a way to escape and ended up Abstracted because of it. Mh... Since the queen is usually the one who targets the opposing king due to how powerful she is in chess... I wonder if Kinger got attacked by her when she abstracted, leaving him scarred - not so much physically, but definitely mentally.

[randomfoggytiger]

The Cancer Arc and Scully's Reliance on Mulder's Strength

(Requested by @perpetually-weirdening/@deathsbestgirl~)

Rob Bowman said of Scully in Memento Mori: "Here is the lurking truth through the story: that Scully really does have that tumor and she really is in trouble. And trying to keep a mask of stoicism and strength in front of Mulder. She knows he’s actually, I think, more emotional or more unstable about it than she is." (post here.)

Scully's Reliance on Mulder's Strength in Season Four

That episode brought Scully's dichotomy to the forefront: desperately steeling herself to shield her loved ones from fear and suffering while also desperately crying out for that strength herself. Penny helped fill this void as a fellow sufferer (a quality Scully seeks from Mulder) and a nurturer (a quality Scully seeks from Maggie); but her death only taught Scully to keep fighting, not to be fearlessly transparent in her sufferings. "I won't let this thing beat me", Scully declared, beaming in Mulder's unabashed pride of his little fighter. Scully stood on her own two feet, ready to conquer any force in her path... but had yet to realize how much that confidence was rooted firmly in Mulder's support.

Beyond the Sea was the first time we see Scully become unglued by the potential of Mulder's loss, shifting her entire viewpoint to his paranormal leanings after her self-belief is shaken ("I thought that you'd be pleased...")-- but it's not the last: Irresistible was when Scully became aware of how much she relied on Mulder's strength; Pusher was when she became unhinged at a man playing Russian roulette with her partner's life; Quagmire was when she unfurled how much Mulder had become her new Ahab; Memento Mori was the momentous shift in herself and her abilities; and Elegy built on these moments with another therapy revelation.

It's Scully's nature to struggle with vulnerability, with relying on someone else to help fill her gaps. Her interpretation of the Apollo keychain was a new height for both of them: Mulder understood Scully, using a snowball decorated with sparkler candles to distract from the deeper sentiments disguised in her birthday trinket (his own version of a Milagro charm; and Scully knew Mulder, taking the whole of their partnership, adding in their unspoken bond, and multiplying it by his fear of her cancer to correctly sum up his chasm-deep love and devotion and terror and grief.

Elegy was raw because she had no place assurance left for either of them to cling to; and Scully felt she was letting Mulder down, an unwilling passenger on her rotting, sinking ship.

Demons was her attempt to save him; and that, too, nearly failed.

Gethsemane: Scully lip-serviced the control of her ship over to cancer, seemingly ready to give up and die with dignity (as Bill later put it.) But when Mulder wrested for control, she stepped in and pushed him away from the wheel: because Scully hadn't truly given up. She stood her ground, fought Mulder on his investigation, rushed around for a cure or at least proof of her disease when handed the chance, and got back up every time she fell down (until she was too weak to continue.) And Bill, for all his faults, read her correctly-- "You think you can cure yourself?"-- dragging Scully's dying hope into the harsh and garish light, wounding her sensibilities in the process.

We know Scully hadn't truly given up (and that Bill was correct) because we see the moment she finally does. Redux II started with Scully still being impossibly strong for everyone else-- allowing Mulder to cling to her hand without comment, smiling upon Maggie and Bill, and acting the model, uncomplaining patient-- but at the end of the line-- her science fails, Mulder's chip doesn't work, and all that is left are miracles-- she finally gives in. When she tells her mother that everything has failed, Scully broke down, sputtering about her lack of faith and impending death. Furthermore, she clung to the last symbols of her strength to give her courage: Mulder's hand and her childhood cross.

As an important aside, Scully's mask of strength also extended to Maggie, reassuring her mother in Memento Mori that she was "okay" and felt "fine" while holding back her own fe ar as Maggie fell apart. Her mother's "You've always been the strong one" was incredibly important: Maggie singled out this trait for her youngest daughter-- not her brothers, and not Melissa. High praise... but a heavy burden, too; and a burden Scully ingrained into a habit, cracking her wide open in Beyond the Sea and patching herself back together with purposed ignorance after One Breath. It's why she told Mulder about her cancer first: the blow of bad news could only be softened by someone she could lean on, who admired her need to stand upright while not letting her fool herself with the sacrificial desire to battle her demons alone. (Even though Maggie supported Scully with everything in her-- crying, hugging, soothing, calling in the priest for reconciliation and comfort-- her daughter was still denying parts of herself, clinging to Mulder's undemanding agnosticism rather than confronting another of her Schrodinger's beliefs. Death, Scully thought, was a large enough unanswered question to deal with, let alone religion... until Death was no longer avoidable; then it became merely an opening statement.)

Redux II asked Scully a question: Did she do enough; or did her efforts to do the right thing--accidentally cutting off her support system in an attempt to protect them-- fail everyone in the end? It was Mulder who answered it, assuring her he wouldn't take the deal because he ultimately trusted her judgment, allowing her to hold his hand when the priest appeared, and showing his partner he trusted her strength by letting it go. Scully knew she could only get that support from her partner; and, though she cherished the immoveable love from her mother, there was only one person she thought of first.

What Scully failed to see in Mulder when they both stood in Memento Mori's hallway was that his pride had stemmed from an adoration of the strength in her weakness; and that is what fueled his own strength the rest of Season 4... until Elegy made him realize that Scully's strength was mostly a front. His misinterpretation had-- blindly-- led him to believe that the Truth and his partner's grit would save her; and that Scully would keep him informed, always, if her condition progressed or worsened. When she didn't, it shook his foundation, plunging him into the insane actions of Demons. She, meanwhile, thought she had focused Mulder's gaze ahead on his mission without having to look back and worry about her-- and part of that was to convince herself, too, that her cancer wasn't as problem enough to focus on. However, Scully realized her own misinterpretation when Mulder's constant, fixated gaze became more and more apparent (Tempus Fugit, Max, and Zero Sum.) Her veil of strength began to falter in Elegy-- which cast her conviction in science into doubt-- and Demons-- when Mulder's near-suicide underscored how lost he had become (permanently, she feared. Gethsemane almost proved her correct.)

Bleeding into Season Five

Detour was Scully's attempt to build on this new enlightenment; though she withdrew when Mulder's main focus remained captured by creatures that go bump in the night. Mulder, meanwhile, still carved out moments to share those creatures with her, requesting a song while in shock and signaling for a dance in a black-and-white. Emily backtracked Scully into guilt after the funeral-- the sandbagged coffin destroying Mulder's previous heartfelt speech and her hard-won peace; but her Redux II transformation never truly left, popping up again in All Souls when she sought out and opened her heart to Mulder once again.

Why was Scully less forthwith to her partner during S5 after all the progress of S4? Because, besides Emily's death and visitation, Mulder was going through an intense personal crisis (post here); and Scully wasn't willing to send him spiraling backward into the near-disastrous patterns of Demons and Gethsemane by adding to his stress. She spent most of S5 in damage-control; but, of course, that can only go so far before she, too, was burnt out (and that just so happened to be The End.)

Thank you for reading~

Enjoy!

[hanako-kozume]

Ah, who doesn't love a good old Fake-dating and there was only one bed trope? The fanfic classics and I can imagine no better for this than our beloved SakuAtsu ship.

Chaos is truly an underappreciated piece of art.

"What do you want Motoya? I'm at practice," Sakusa grumbled while pressing the door to the locker room open with his shoulder since his hands were occupied with his bag and phone, as well as a water bottle he intended to drink from when his cousin called. Apparently early in the morning when both of them had their respective occupations was the best time for a little chat.

"No, you're on your way to practice. Subtle but important difference." Komori corrected.

"Not really, I'm already here and late. Miya won't let me live this down the whole day."

A small chuckle echoed from the other end of the line. "I know but you still gotta change so just put me on speaker. I have to talk to you."

Sakusa rolled his eyes but obliged. His cousin for sure could be annoying but if he said there was something to talk about he trusted him that it wouldn't be something trivial. "You're lucky that you caught me the one day I'm late. If the others were here I wouldn't—"

"If by day you mean week then sure. You're not as unpredictable as you think, Kiyo. Whenever you're stressed you over-organize stuff until you're so far in the future that you forget the present. Happens every year when family events roll around."

Sakusa scowled at his phone as he pulled his shirt over his head.

"Which by the way is exactly what I wanted to talk about." Komori continued.

"There is nothing to talk about. I'm not going." Sakusa insisted.

"You will."

"Why? So that my parents can pretend they have forgotten my coming out yet again and play matchmaker, setting me up with one of the daughters from Mom's friends. Again."

"I'm not saying you're not justified in not going, I'm just saying that you won't. Despite everything I ever tell you, you can't seem to cut ties with them." The libero let out a sigh.

"If you haven't noticed they hold my inheritance and any financial support over my head like a guillotine, ready to be cut off any time. If volleyball doesn't—"

"But it will. Honestly Kiyo, you're doing so well for yourself."

Silence followed his statement as Sakusa wasn't sure what to say to that. He went to the sink to refill his water bottle just to have an excuse to finish the conversation before attending the very job he was putting in jeopardy over this.

"Doesn't matter." Komori continued. "We won't get anywhere like this. I just wanted to say that maybe I have a solution for the matchmaking. I know you hate it."

He did. He really did but any attempt to stop it was a fight against the tide. The flood would come regardless.

He lied about having a boyfriend, it continued. He lied about having a girlfriend, they wanted proof. He had an actual boyfriend, who broke up with him because he couldn't endure his parent's antics anymore. They tried setting him up on dates in front of him.

To say he was tempted by Motoya's suggestion was an understatement.

"I'll take your silence for curiosity. So why don't you get yourself a date?" he suggested.

And here he had gotten his hopes up. "You know how that went the last time."

The pain was far from fresh anymore but he was still upset. It wasn't like he had been the love of his life but he was nice and certainly didn't deserve to be treated like garbage and worst of all Sakusa already had a really hard time finding someone he considered genuinely romantically attractive from which point on most were scared off by his odd nature and germophobia and now the rest was chased away by his family... great, he thought sarcastically.

"No, that's not what I meant. Nothing serious just a fling or it could even be fake. Get someone who can put up with these idiots and warn them." Komori elaborated. "If you want your peace of mind ask a woman, if you want to piss off your parents find a good partner in crime. Personally, that's my favourite option."

"You're clearly overestimating my social skills. How many friends do you think I have who I could ask something like that?"

"Okay, so the fling isn't an option?"

"I won't toy with anyone's emotions like that."

"It's not 'toying with someone's emotions' if the intentions are clear from the get-go and both agree." his cousin protested.

Sakusa knew that. After all, he had several flings throughout his high school years, and shortly after, some just to spite his parents. It was a lame excuse and childish because quite frankly after a few rebounds — just casual stuff nothing serious — following his previous relationship his parents had ruined, he felt no desire to get involved with anyone for a while.

Not really to his surprise, casual sex wasn't really for him and he indulged in it less and less over the years. It helped that he got more independent and mentally stable as soon as he was away from home.

"As to who, what about 'Miya'?" Sakusa almost choked on air. "If he manages to tick you off so efficiently, your parents should be a piece of cake." He could practically hear the grin in Komori's voice.

"We are not friends." he close to growled, trying to convey the disdain toward Motoya's idea.

The liberi pretend not to hear it. "I'll admit the amount of sexual tension between the two of you is a bit uncommon for platonic relationships but I won't judge and hey, I think you're on a pretty good way," he said encouragingly.

Sakusa's jaw clenched and he felt the distinct desire to reach through the phone and throw something at his cousin. "I have to go to practice now."

"Think about it! You could—" He hung up. The ace placed his phone in his bag, took his water bottle, and quickly hurried out to the others, bowing to his coach in apology as he passed him before joining the others.

Meian acknowledged his lateness with a slight bit of earning protest from Atsumu that he would always get scolded when he was too late, which admittedly didn't happen as often as Sakusa expected — he truly seemed to love his job — bit still on average no one could compare to Sakusa in being on time.

--------------------

To make up for being late Sakusa ran a couple of extra laps around the gym after training, unprompted but earning a nod of approval from coach Forster. As such he was last when entering the locker rooms again, catching a few snippets of a very interesting conversation.

"I'm telling you, Bo, there is something between Omi-san and Tsumu. I'd bet on it." Hinata whispered, which meant the whole team could hear.

"No way, Tsum-Tsum for sure would have told us if that was the case!" Bokuto added. He was certainly the only one who was even worse than Hinata at controlling the volume of his voice.

"Don't you see how they look at each other sometimes?!" the smaller insisted.

At each other? He didn't think he glanced at the blonde any longer than necessary on and off the court.

"I'm kinda with Bokuto in this one," Thomas chimed in. "Atsumu is such a show-off. He wouldn't have shut up about it if—"

"If what?" The person in question joined the conversation. "You know it's not nice to talk about propel behind their back." Apparently, he had just left the showers while the others were already changing into normal clothes again.

"Is there something between you and our favourite germaphobe?" Inunaki asked him directly.

"Who? Omi? Nah, but I'm sure he likes me." he said in his typical confident tone and Sakusa rolled his eyes, though he was sure Atsumu didn't mean it in a romantic way.

"As friends or—?" Hinata questioned.

"Of course, as friends. I'm not even sure he likes men."

"Dude, you're blind." Thomas laughed and Sakusa heard a rustling as he shouldered his back.

"Yeah, though I think you'd be too annoying for him. Even as friends. Sorry, Tsumu." Inunaki added nonchalantly.

"Huh?! Who are you calling annoying!? I bet he likes me!"

"Sure, let's say ten bucks?" the white-haired suggested.

"You're on!"

From the corner, Sakusa heard the not-so-quiet mumbling of Bokuto and Hinata making their own bets about whether they'd end up together.

Sakusa leaned against the wall of lockers separating them exasperated and contemplating his options. Maybe, just maybe, Motoya wasn't so wrong. And now he had something he could offer Atsumu in return, his pride. He was fairly certain Miya would do a fair deal for that.

He walked in, knowing that waiting any longer would come off as weird — if it wasn't already — and went straight to the showers. He knew he would have the chance to catch Atsumu afterwards before he left. He was always the last to leave while Sakusa was usually the first. The only reason he noticed were days like these when he was late in the morning.

True to his expectations once he returned Atsumu was still there slowly dressing himself.

"I heard about the bet." he started after the last of the others had left.

He said it as nonchalantly as possible while putting the towel aside and putting on his neatly folded clothes. Atsumu flinched and made an unintelligent noise of being caught.

"I'm sorry Omi, it was just a silly little... If you prefer I'll cancel it. Not that there is much use to it now anyway."

Sakusa watched him struggle and waited until his blabbering subsided before he continued. "Not necessary."

The blonde looked up surprised.

"I actually wanted to suggest a deal that might be beneficial for the both of us."

Atsumu's eyes narrowed in suspicion and Sakusa had the slight hunch that he didn't want to know what was going on in his head at that very moment. So he quickly resumed talking. "My parents plan a family get-together for this weekend. They are quite conservative, not to say outright homophobic, and always try to match me with some random girl so Motoya suggested I bring a date to stop them. "And preferably annoy them a bit. Since I know no one more annoying than you..." he explained.

Atsumu raised his brows before his typical smug smirk spread on his face that made him look somewhere between punch and kissable. "So ya want me to be yet date Omi-Omi?"

"Fake-date" he was quick to clarify.

"Sure, right. Because you don't actually like men."

"I like men, just not idiots like you."

Atsumu's eyes grew round in surprise. He was shocked, so much so that he almost forgot to be offended by the last part. He pouted. "And what do I get from that? I don't particularly fancy ya taking jabs at me for the whole weekend. I don't really have a thing for humiliation." he grinned as Sakusa almost choked and struggled to keep his composure, while his cheeks burnt red and he glared at the setter.

Deep breaths. This was exactly why he was perfect for this.

"This. You can be your full-on obnoxious self the whole weekend, flirt with me as aggressively as you like with no holding back and piss off some conservative assholes in the process. I know that that is one of your favourite hobbies."

Atsumu grinned wildly, almost feral and Sakusa just knew he'd be in for a wild ride if the blonde agreed. Letting him run free was a dangerous calculation for Kiyoomi's dignity and just hoped he would get to enjoy his parent's sour expression without getting too flustered and before he died of embarrassment.

"And you win the bet," he added finally.

The clear, joyous laugh of the setter echoed through the room and from the walls as he held his sides, as though Sakusa had just told him the funniest joke he had ever heard, irritating the spiker further.

"You got a deal, Darling." the blonde grinned.

"Save the pet names for the weekend, Miya." He quickly rushed to get out before Atsumu could see the blush blossoming on his cheeks, rapidly rising in intensity. Pray to the gods that he'd survive this one.

[bi-bard]

Taylor Swift Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Nikolai Lantsov - Nikolai Lantsov Imagine [Shadow & Bone]

Title: Taylor Swift Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Nikolai Lantsov

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov X Reader

Word Count: 2,242 words

Warning(s): mention of violence

Author's Note: Yeah, I know the lyrics I used for "seven" were a little on the nose. Don't talk about it.

Also, he would so be a swiftie.

--------------------

seven

And I think you should come live with Me and we can be pirates Then you won't have to cry Or hide in the closet And just like a folk song Our love will be passed on

Nikolai came from two different worlds.

I was never connected to royalty in any way.

Truly, there should have been no occasion where the two of us met.

However, Nikolai always wanted to find something new and exciting. It was a trait that could be seen vividly in his childhood. He would run from his home and find something that he found exciting and interesting.

I was the same way.

That was how we found each other when we were younger and it was how we ended up sticking together through most of our lives.

Until we got older.

We still saw each other, but our normal adventures slowed down as we each took on new responsibilities. But even then, I thought that we would always have each other in some way.

And then, he decided to leave.

It was a largely private thing for him. Just like how he used to sneak around and look for adventures when we were younger. He only told me because I was his best friend and he "needed to see that I was there" before he left.

He wanted my support. He would always have it.

I had only gone to say goodbye and wish him well.

Holding my tears back as I watched him get ready to leave broke my heart. I never wanted this day to come. I never truly wanted anything around us to change. I wanted to be the stupid, curious kids that we had always been without the pressure and responsibilities. It was so unbelievably childish, yet I couldn't stop it.

He looked at me from where he stood on the deck of the ship. I forced a grin and waved to him.

I saw something shift in his head. I couldn't place it, but I saw the look on his face change.

I was only more confused when he ran back down to me.

"What are you doing-"

"Come with me," he cut me off as he grabbed my upper arms. A wide smile was stretched across his face.

"What?"

"Come with me," he repeated. "It'll be just like when we were younger, but with more action... and maybe a little scarier."

"Nikolai, I can't just run off."

"Who says?" he replied. "Last time I checked, very few people would question it if you left by my instruction."

"You're pulling the royalty play?"

"Am I?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Please," he muttered. "I think we both deserve this."

I took a deep breath. I thought about it for a moment before nodding. "Yes."

"Really?"

I nodded again. "You owe me an extra set of clothes- Saints!"

"Deal!"

I let out a loud laugh as I was dragged into a tight hug.

I already knew that this was going to be the best choice I had made in my entire life.

I Think He Knows

I think he knows When we get all alone I'll make myself at home And he'll want me to stay

I don't know when my feelings for Nikolai changed. When I went from seeing him as a friend to seeing him as something else entirely.

I would love to say that it was a sudden thing. That one day I woke up and everything just changed. But I don't believe that's what happened. I think it happened very slowly over time and by the time I noticed, it was too strong of a feeling for me to avoid.

The first time I recognized it was soon after Alina and Mal joined our crew for a short time. At that point, I didn't have time to worry about my feelings. We had bigger problems on our hands than my little crush.

I wouldn't have to even think about confronting those feelings until we got to the Spinning Wheel.

It was after everyone had enjoyed dinner. After everyone had dispersed for the night, either to go to bed or to mindlessly toss and turn in some hopeless attempt of getting some sleep.

I was in the second party.

I had given up. Instead, I walked the halls until I found Nikolai's door. I hadn't been hoping to go there. It just happened.

He was still awake, sitting in the corner of his room, staring off into space.

"Not going to bed," I asked as the door shut behind me.

"Hasn't even crossed my mind," he admitted, standing from his spot. "What about you?"

"Dreaming of stopping the villains was much more fun when the villain wasn't real," I chuckled. "It was less scary to watch you fight air."

"Won every battle back then," he grinned at me.

I looked down for a moment, closing my eyes.

"Hey," my attention was drawn back to Nikolai when he spoke up. His hand touched my arm gently. "Everything is going to be fine."

"This isn't you sneaking in and out of your family's castle," I said. "This is going to be the worst fight that we've ever faced. I... I don't want to hear that everything's going to be fine. I want to hear a plan."

"Alina will find the third amplifier and then we can tear down the Fold," he explained. "That's all we can plan until that happens, but I believe that we will get through this."

I just nodded. "I hope you're right."

"Now, that didn't sound like you believed me."

I rolled my eyes.

"(Y/n)..."

His tone was teasing as I looked away from him. How could he change my mood so easily? It simply wasn't fair.

He was just too... perfect. He was too good to me. Even if I had known that I was falling for him, I wouldn't have been able to stop it because that damn smile would have dragged me in. I was hopelessly falling for him more and more each day and it felt like it was going to drive me mad.

And he seemed entirely unaffected.

And something about that made me upset. How dare he sit there and be completely calm while I struggle to not yell how entirely my mind has been consumed by thoughts of him?

Nikolai moved so he could look me in the eye again.

"Don't you trust me," he asked with that stupid old charming smirk that drove me up a wall sometimes. And seemed to be my final straw.

“No, you don’t get to do that,” I snapped before my brain could even comprehend what I was I was saying.

“Do what,” he asked.

“You don’t get to look at me with that little smile and charm in the hopes of comforting me."

"(Y/n)-"

"Also, You don’t get to be clever and funny and charming and kind. That’s just not fair! And honestly, very distracting. You are meant to have flaws- what are you doing?”

He was standing significantly closer to me than he was before. "Listening..."

He took another step closer, and I felt heat rush over my entire body as nervousness took over. I was suddenly far too aware of every word that had spilled out of my mouth. And now that they were there, I couldn't speak another syllable. Every word got caught in my throat like someone was strangling me. He was just so close to me. It was suffocating.

"I've never seen you speechless before," he muttered. He didn't need to speak any louder. He was close enough that I could hear him perfectly fine.

"You've never stood so close to me before," I pointed out.

"I see," he nodded. "So, it's simply my presence that makes you nervous. Why is that?"

"Nikolai," I forced a scoff and looked away from him. "I came here to have a serious conversation about what we're getting ourselves into-"

"You could have run," he stopped me. "You could have run after our first trip together, you could have run when I went out looking for the sun summoner, when we hunted the Sea Whip, or before we crossed the Fold. Yet, you never did. Tell me why."

I looked back at him, ready to lie straight to his face. To tell him that I was his best friend and I cared for him. Nothing more than strictly platonic protectiveness. But then, I saw that smirk again and I knew that any lie I constructed would be nothing short of completely pointless.

"I think you already know," I said quietly, embarrassed at how easy my feelings must have been to spot.

"Yeah, but I'd quite like to hear you say it," he shrugged. "Don't want to make too many assumptions."

I closed my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. "It doesn't matter, does it? You're going to be engaged. That's all that matters."

"Not to me," he replied. "Please, say it."

I paused for a moment before finally speaking up again, "I have feelings for you, Nikolai."

His smirk only seemed to grow, which I was convinced wasn't possible.

"Can I go now," I asked. "Are you done embarrassing me?"

"Am I done embarrassing you? Yes," he nodded. "Can you go? Not yet."

"Nikolai-"

My exasperated complaint was interrupted by Nikolai leaning forward and pressing his lips to mine.

I froze for a moment as he kissed me. Soon enough, my eyes fluttered shut and I found myself kissing him back. My hands reached up to cup the sides of his face. His hands touched my sides, pulling me as close to him as he could.

I pulled away first, grinning at him. He grinned back at me, leaning his forehead on mine.

"How long have you known," I asked quietly.

"I wasn't quite sure until a few moments ago. I've had my suspicions... and I've... hoped for a while."

"Oh," I mumbled.

"'Oh,'" he repeated, chuckling as he leaned in and kissed me again.

I smiled into the kiss.

It was a feeling of peace that I had never been lucky enough to experience before. And I never wanted to lose it.

King of My Heart

Late in the night, the city's asleep Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep Change my priorities The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

Tearing down the Fold didn't come without its sacrifice.

That sacrifice seemed to make everyone determined to hold on tightly to what they still had.

At least, that was what I assumed led to Nikolai waking me up in the middle of the night to try to quietly get us from my room to his.

I couldn't have escaped him that night. Not that I wanted to. His arms held onto me so tight that I was convinced he was going to crush my ribs by accident. He hid his face in the crook of my neck, refusing to even flinch after he was comfortable.

It was the first time that I had truly felt like I was the center of someone's attention. I was the most important thing in the world in that moment. Even if it was just for him.

Waking up to Nikolai the next morning only helped to solidify that feeling.

He was already grinning at me. I smiled back.

"Good morning," I muttered, rolling on my back as I stretched.

"Good morning..."

I let out a chuckle as Nikolai pulled me closer to his side.

His lips touched my cheek and my nose and my forehead... light kisses until his lips found mine. I hummed against his lips, kissing him back slowly.

Through all the loss and the injuries and the fear, this moment felt like setting a broken bone. Nothing had quite been healed or fixed, but there were intentions. A future that could be seen where that pain wasn't as strong.

"I could get used to this," I muttered as he pulled away.

He chuckled, nudging his nose with mine. "Me too."

There was a moment of silence between us. A moment where we truly enjoyed being together. Relaxing and holding each other properly for the first time. I never wanted to pull away from him.

But I knew that I would have to eventually.

"How do you plan on sneaking me out of here," I asked. "It would be a bit of a scandal if someone were to catch you spending the night with someone other than your future queen."

I meant for it to be a joke, but some kind of edge must've snuck into my voice before I could stop it. Nikolai let out a sigh as a guilty look crawled over his face. His thumb drew a circle into my skin.

"I'm sorry," he muttered to me. "About all of this."

"We could have never happened anyway," I shrugged, acting like the fact hadn't left a permanent scar in my heart. "Not officially anyway. You're doing what's best for Ravka. I understand that."

"'Official' or not, you always have and always will have all of me," he promised.

My heart swelled as I smiled at him. "And that's enough for me."

I had no interest in having a crown or an audience around to prove it.

As long as I had these moments then I would happily exist just as I was.

--------------------

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[bookwyrm35]

My rant about how complicatedly beautiful Locklyle is:

(Disclaimer: this was written at 3 am and I tend to get weirdly poetic in the wee hours. 🤷‍♀️ Just so you know.)

Let us begin with our components of this ship: Lucy Carlyle and Anthony Lockwood. Lucy comes from a home practically devoid of love. Her father is gone, her mother might as well be, and every sister (save possibly Mary) has left her life completely. When she went to London, she was searching stability, shelter and yes, she got that but she also got so much more. She found a family. She found friendship. She found love.

That, in my book is such a vital part of any relationship. Before you are anything else (not more because romance is not above platonic, but simply different), you must have friendship. It might sound cheesy or a little weird but it is true. And it was true for them.

It is important, when analyzing Lockwood and Co. characters, to remeber that Lucy, as much as we love her, is an unrediable narrator. She tells us what she notices and nothing more. As the books go on you can see her dwelling on Lockwood's description, going into more detail of how he looks, how he acts, she even starts to catagorize his smiles. It's slow and she'll never be caught dead admitting it, but you can see how her attraction to him grows and for once I love it. One, because the girl doesn't even notice and two, because it's natural. The pace they move at can be seen by others as miniscule and tortuous, but to me it is right. If there is to be romance, let it be done slowly. Let it be shown at the pace of opening spring and with the steps of shaky feet.

Turning to her counterpart in Lockwood, the first thing I would like to address is his focus. His ambition and drive, though seemingly strictly personal at first, is another vital thing I think plays into the masterpiece that is their relationship. He (for reasons you know if you've read the books) is laser focused on doing his job as an agent and doing it well. His country is plauged by a scourge and he will stop at nothing to alleviate the pain is brings. His whole life since...well, spoilers, has been devoted to fighting the dead, removing their spirits and doing it with flair. But then... along comes this Listener, this girl named Lucy, and everything changes. Suddenly he finds himself with his attention spilt, his once single mindedness gone like it never existed. For the first time in so, so long he thinks about something outside the Problem. This is all speculation, mere drivel on my part, but I truly belive that Lucy changed Lockwood in a way no one else could. She grounds him, gives him a reason to live beyond the next case. She becomes like his sun, a beacon of hope and light he can always turn back to.

I've heard people say that Lockwood fell first but Lucy fell harder. I think that fits. Though we don't see it clearly through Lucy's eyes, from the moment they met, Lockwood would do anything for her. Even when he barely knew her, he gave her his childhood room, a place in his home, his agency and his heart. He never pushed her to talk about her past, never took her Talents for granted, always tried to make sure she felt she belonged. He won't realize until much later, but I think he fell for her before she even accepted the job.

What about Lucy though? Why do people say that she fell harder? I can't say much, don't want to give away anything to those who have yet to read the books, but just know that she would do anything, anything, to keep Lockwood safe. Even if it meant torture and pain and loneliness beyond belief, if she thought it would help him-she would do it. She loves him so much, and she doesn't even realize it.

But does this devotion, the immediate connection make void the point I just made about things needing to be slow? No, because of the ever important detail of their ignorance. It is this inability to make that connection that I find so endearing, even nigh amusing. Anyone else could have told them they love each other, but the fact that they can't see it is delicious to me. It makes them act like fumbling fools, but they're teenagers. What do you expect? Their world is dark and dreary and full of death, but they have each other, and to them that's enough.

I think another reason I love Locklyle is because they never delude themselves into believing they're the only two people on this earth that matter. Never is there a moment where they shut out their friends in favor of being with the other. George (and later a few other characters) are so dear to them, and you never doubt that. Lucy and Lockwood have a special connection, that cannot be denied, but it is never put above thier friendships with others. Like I said before, romance is not more. It is simply different.

[dwindlinghaze]

hi, so happy that you’re having an event !! can i please get a 🩰 and 🪞 (just the vibe you get from me and my akk ig, also i looove you theme so very looking forward to the moodboards)

male preference, marauders era / well, im 21, studying literature and linguistics in the uni. im leo (which says a lot)/ im really into literature - my fav books are probably classic english novels like little women and frankenstein. but i also adore sci fi and fantasy / i love abba and taylor swift a lot / i love wearing sweaters, classic suits and vintage shirts with collars and puffy sleaves. also obsessed with jewellery (pearls, golden rings an hoops) / my weird obsessions are true crime and supernatural (the tv show)/ i love going out in cinema and theatre/ i am bubbly until you are disrespectful to me or which is worse to my friends, my bestie says she’s scared when im mad/ hate stupidity and being late/ hope to become a researcher in the field of education 🦢🕯️

heyy ty for participating in my 500 celebration 🫧

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩

🩰 : i ship you with remus lupin

╰┈➤ remus loves spending time with you in silence while reading english classics. it could be in his dorm, library, couch, anywhere.

remus' head was positioned against your thigh, he was listening attentively as you read 'little women' out loud to him. "I can't say 'yes' truly, so I won't say it at all," you said. "do they end up together?" the boy looked up at you. "jo and laurie?" you ran your fingers through his hair as your face stretched into an amused smile. remus hummed in reply. "well, we've got to finish the book to find out," you answered although you knew the ending all too well.

╰┈➤ remus loves seeing you in sweaters all snuggly and warm, he'd lend you his sometimes too. oh and also, he thinks your style looks so flattering on you and would definitely buy clothing items or jewelries that remind him of you. you didn't care if it was expensive or not, you love anything that he gives you. pearls, rings, and hoops give the vibes of elegance which he adores so much!!

both of you were shopping together and he stumbled across a gorgeous piece of clothing. "wait, this one will look stunning on you! try it please?" his finger pointed to a puff sleeved top with pearls decorating it. "well, what do you think?" you questioned as you did a spin with your arms out. "i love it." he ended up buying it for you and you kiss him in return.

╰┈➤ you and remus will have a movie night twice a month to watch sci-fi movies and if you're having a rough day, he'd put on supernatural- because he knew it's your favourite- while cuddling you on the bed with different kinds of snacks to cheer you up. he would take you out to the cinema when there's a good film you've been eager to watch or on special days he will get you tickets to see live theatres.

"honey, c'mere to bed," he said when he saw you walking in, face tired and body exhausted. "i've got your favourite snacks," he continued as you plopped down beside him, a sigh escaping your lips. "thanks, love," you gave remus a chaste kiss before positioning yourself to get comfortable under the blanket with him. "relax yourself, dove, you've had enough of work today," he kissed the top of your head before pressing play on the screen.

"oh my god you did not!" you gasped when remus held out two tickets to watch 'the phantom of the opera'. "i know you wanted to watch a live performance lately so...." he said shyly as a wide smile appeared across your face. "it must cost a fortune!" you shook your head in disbelief, looking at him with love and admiration. "don't worry about that." he just loves making you happy.

╰┈➤ after hearing from your friend about how scary you were when you're mad, the last he'll do is making you mad. he's a bit reckless sometimes so he'd be more careful about what he says or does.

╰┈➤ remus is a man of discipline. he would never be late!!!

╰┈➤ he is so supportive of your dreams of becoming a researcher in education. we all know he's very academically smart and well educated so he gives you little opinions (though you don't need it because i'm sure you know what you're doing but love hearing his thoughts anyway)

╰┈➤ i also ship you with james potter solely because you both have fire signs and uh hello?? twin fire signs (yes a taylor reference)

[nonstandardrepertoire]

fuck it, i'm bored and don't want to work on my opera, here's a post that's been in my head for ages about my premise for Entirprise, but actually good

so like obviously the first season is just them building the ship. the writers knew it at the time, it was always obviously the right call, UPN just thought they could get seasons 15 to 21 of The Next Generation and it was bad. the first season is them building the ship, you get to know the characters, and you get to know the geopolitical situation, both on Earth and with the Earth/Vulcan relationship

and then you launch right into the thick of Andoria and Vulcan gearing up for a horrific interstellar war. you do not introduce a new random alien species we have never heard of every week, because we are in the heart of what will become Federation territory and seriously, what happened to all of those people Enterprise encountered? why have we never heard from any of them in chronologically subsequent Stars Trek? (the Doylist answer is obvious here, it's the Watsonian one that i'm interested in.) you also do Not introduce the Klingons (or not yet, anyway), because if their space empire is so old and also so close to Earth, why have they not . . . conquered Earth already. (this also spares you from having to address the brow ridges thing, but also like, you can just not address that. you can just ignore it. it is not a thing that you have to deal with literally ever oh my g-d TV makeup capabilities change in 20+ years, it's fine, we can move on)

anyway, we launch into a Tense interstellar moment in our neighborhood and Archer is like "hey uh. what if, instead of war, you tried . . . talking?", and this is where i need to step back and talk about my Secret Worldbuilding Headcanon for the Star Trek universe

ok ok ok ok ok so first of all, let us suppose there are two big patterns that play out in a general way on planets that develop sentient life: on some, there's really only a small habitable range, so the developing sentient species in question spends a long time as effectively a single community, at least until they render the technology necessary to make more of their planet habitable. on other planets, you get a whole bunch of habitable territory, and developing species spread out and develop a lot of different cultures. often, as on Earth, these different cultural groups come into conflict with each other. in some cases, this conflict leads to extinction, and in some cases it leads to one group that is militarily successful taking over the planet wholesale. when this culture then takes to the stars, they continue the pattern, and this is how you get the roots of the Klingon and Romulan empires

this neatly explains the predominance of planetary monocultures, but i think it can also help explain why there seem to be so many interplanetary conflicts that devolve into attempted or successful planet-scale genocides. (and like! we see a lot of these across the various shows of the franchise! the galaxy is full of death and destruction!) because i think a lot of those species that follow that first pattern effectively won't have any experience in dealing diplomatically with cultures that are truly different from them. sure, they may have had civil wars and other kinds of internal conflict, but they would still have been in conflict with beings that were fundamentally similar to theirs. so like, they have diplomacy, theoretically, but we would consider it very rudimentary and pro forma — Vulcan and Andoria try talking, sure, but like, they are Very bad at it, and that is what sets them on the path to war, and having not had conflicts on a planetary scale, they don't have a strong sense of Just How Bad things can get, and the temptation to escalate to the point of war crimes is . . . strong

but! Earth has just come thru WWIII/the Eugenics Wars and has, very unusually, galactically speaking, managed to do so with a good deal of cultural diversity intact. and we have, Finally, figured out how to negotiate a lasting, durable, global peace. so when a mostly human crew launches out into our interstellar neighborhood and finds two planets on the brink of what has the potential for being a nasty little war, said crew is like "fuck no, absolutely not, you may not understand how bad a war like this can really get, but we do, because we have just been thru yet another one in our long and bloody history, and we are not willing to stand by and let you stumble into the same horrors we just ended"

and that, not "being sort of logical but also sort of emotional" or "the ability to work thru trauma" is the contingent historical fact that makes Earth a key catalyst for the creation of the Federation. because we have strong, direct, recent experience with existential planetary war and also the specific honed ability to negotiate with people very different from ourselves to prevent it

so season 2 is all about talking Andoria and Vulcan down from blowing each other out of the sky. we're not at the Federation yet, but we are starting to lay the very low-level groundwork

then you can have a third season where you sort of do an entwined Terra Prime/Kir'Shara arc on Earth and Vulcan across the third season — on the Earth side, you can pick up on the political groundwork laid in the first season to explore reactions to (including backlash against) Earth becoming something of a diplomatic somebody in the stellar neighborhood while Vulcan is going "who are these 'humans' to start meddling in our affairs?" and etc etc etc i haven't pinned this out beat by beat but the Themes are there and i think they actually mesh really nicely together, especially if you give them a little more space to breathe (you could even bring in the Aenar in a more sustained way if you wanted to keep Andoria in the mix — "how do you organize a planetary political system when you have two polities that are not that intreested in merging?" is genuinely an interesting question to explore, i think, and could be a nice antidote to some of TNG's "one world government only" weirdness)

anyway if you want to do more seasons here probably you can, but the last season can still be actually building the Federation, leading up to the signing of the charter — give us the geopolitics of it! give us the delicate high-stakes negotiations! have somebody walk away from the table completely! idk, make compelling television!

and in all this, instead of having Archer be Generic Starfleet Good Boy #47 (into, uh, "guy who does torture a bunch"), you can lean into the idea that Vulcans and Andorians kind of look down on humans as incompetent newcomer rubes to the interstellar playing field: have Archer be folksy and charming, but clever, good at luring people into the positions he wants them in by letting them underestimate him and then outfoxing them, very "oh gosh, you seem to have wound up in an unwinnable diplomatic pickle, how convenient that we can get you out of it :)" or w/e. he can have a character that's very distinct from Kirk, Picard, Sisko, or Janeway without being the Vaguely Racist Guy Who Punches Diplomats

also make Hoshi and T'Pol gay you cowards ok bye

[aestheticsmore]

no body, no crime

au where rhaenyra and alicent plot to kill Otto and encapicate viserys

it would start right before aegon ii was born.

they would reconcile and begin to find comfort in one another again. which leads to alicent confessing to rhaenyra how her relationship with viserys started.

"I never wanted this Rhaenyra! My father asked me to keep Viserys company, and that's all I did. I was hoping, praying to the Gods that he would choose someone else. That he would not see me as anything else than his daughter's friend. But then he asked me if you knew of our meetings, when I said no, he asked me to keep it that way. That's when I knew that I had lost my chance to run. I am so sorry, Rhaenyra, I didn't know what to do."

Rhaenyra's face changes after Alicent's confession.

"You did nothing wrong, Alicent. Your father and my father used you. I should've been there for you. I should've protected you. I should've known that you were in trouble, but I didn't, I am sorry for not being there. We promised each other that we wouldn't let us fall into these types of marriages, that we would do anything in our power to protect each other."

Alicent didn't understand at first, but then she remembered. The promise they made to each other at 13. If they were forced to marry someone who hurt them, the other would do ANYTHING they can to save them. ANYTHING.

"Rhaenyra, surely you don't mean-" Alicent begins but is cut off by Rhaenyra.

"Look me in the eyes, Alicent, and tell me my father does not hurt you. This marriage does not kill you slowly day by day. Tell me that you are truly content and happy in this marriage. Tell me the truth."

Alicent tries to tell her that she is content. That things could be worse, but things are worse. She is forced to lie with a man old enough to be her father, forced by her father to do so. To carry his children when she was could still be considered a child.

"I can help you, Alicent. I could find a way to make this end. It would he hard of course but I can make sure that you are safe again. I swear it." Rhaenyra tells her after seeing it on her face, processing this information.

"Give me the power to do so, and I will do it. Both of them will suffer for what they have done to you. I know it will take some time, that it won't be easy but I will get it done. Just tell me this is what you want Alicent."

Alicent goes over everything in her head and tries to think of how to tell Rhaenyra no. That this isn't something that has to happen, that Alicent can survive this. But Alicent doesn't want to survive through life. She wants to live. Live happily with her children and she knows that won't happen with Viserys and her father in the picture. She won't let herself be used anymore.

"Help me, Rhaenyra, I don't think I could handle this life for all my life."

Rhaenyra embraces Alicent right when those words leave her mouth. Rhaenyra knows this will take a while to plan but she knows that she won't give up until her Alicent is free.

"Rhaenyra, I think my water just broke"

Rhaenyra was in the room during Alicent's labors the whole day. When it was announced to be a boy, they both knew that Otto would become a bigger problem than before. So they decided after Aegon ii passed his 5th moon that Otto would have to be gone.

Otto was dead before he was able to see Aegon ii reach his first nameday.

Nobody questioned his death. He was on his way to visit family in Oldtown but was lost at sea when the ship was hit by an abrupt change of weather. There was no witnesses that could explain what happened.

Viserys was a harder one to manage. Someone that just can't simply disappear, not when there is too much to lose for both of them if they don't plan ahead.

So they played the part of dutiful wife. Alicent had 2 more children. Rhaenyra made sure to hold her close whenever she found out. To make it clear that her children were innocent, they didn't cause this pain. Viserys did.

Rhaenyra played the part of dutiful heir. She focused on her lessons, small council meeting, gaining as many allies as possible. Reaching out to Rhaenys for advice on certain aspects of court and the realm.

Rhaenyra rebuilt the alliance and bond between house targaryen and house velaryen. Not Viserys

She delayed marriage as long as possible with the help of Alicent. But ultimately decided to marry Ser Harwin Strong, son of the Hand of the King

Viserys started becoming seriously ill during Rhaenyra's first pregnancy. Slowly losing the ability to truly run the realm. Rhaenyra began taking control of the small council with the help of Alicent and the Hand during the beginning of his illness.

Viserys remained bedridden or 5 years before his untimely death.

Rhaenyra was crowned queen shortly after. Alicent stayed at the Red Keep raising her children, living the life she's always wanted.

Rhaenyra and Alicent never spoke a word of their promise afterwards.

holy shit this was so much longer than I thought it was going to be.

I might make this into a full-on fic with a more in-depth happy ending.

please give me your thoughts lol

[skania]

Replies to ONK Asks

If you've sent me an ONK-related message these past two days, the reply is below the cut!

Since ONK is taking over my blog, I'll work on a Masterlist so stuff is easier to find. In the meantime, please don't hesitate to use the search bar at the top of my blog to check if I've already replied to a particular topic!

Indeed, the fandom at large seems to be hit with a very serious case of confirmation bias. It doesn't only apply to the ships, either. For example, those who want Aqua to be Light-lite will let this bias cloud their interpretation of Aqua's every action lol

The obsession thing is genuinely hilarious though because of the cognitive dissonance 😂

You and me both! If Akane has to play one of the B-Komachi members, it would be nice to see Kana sharing her experience with her so Akane can understand her better. I'm also curious as to how their dynamic will be affected now that Akane has hardened up. I don't even know if Kana will be able to get a rise out of Akane anymore, but I kind of hope she does because Akane has been looking so stoic lately 😭

Aka's pacing is a hot mess. Sometimes the story moves at a snail's pace, and sometimes it moves at the speed of light lol

I'm glad we're finally diving deep into Ruby's mental state and her past as Sarina!

Thank you for this first ramble! I'm glad it worked 😂 I completely agree with you, the intimacy between Aqua and Akane really stands out and it's difficult to ignore. I think this is precisely why some feel the need to deny as much of it as possible: they have convinced themselves of the outcome of the manga, but still feel threatened by Aqua and Akane's dynamic. So, they try to explain it away in a fashion that won't question their desired endgame; hence all the bad takes about how Akane was just a tool to Aqua, etc.

I get how frustrating it can be, but I think that at the end of the day it's up to Aka to prove these people wrong, not us. All we can do is try to provide our perspective, but some people won't change their minds unless Aka delivers an Aqua/Akane ending. And even then, some people will still be in denial until the end of time lol

Re: your PS, I think that if Aqua/Akane happens, Aka will necessarily have to revisit their relationship before then, so people will be able to see it coming and will have time to come to terms with it. I imagine the 2nd Season will help as well because it's the Akane season, so anime-onlies will realize things aren't as set in stone as S1 may make them seem.

Hi there, anon!

On Akane and Ai

On Akane and being "obsessed" with Aqua

I haven't written anything on the third reason because I've thankfully never seen it, but I agree with everything you said!! Besides, the manga itself explains that Akane is hit harder than your average person because of how earnest she is. Instead of tuning out those messages, she felt like it was her duty to face those comments head-on. If anything, I feel that this only makes her even more amazing because she was able to come back from that stronger than ever 😭

Not at all anon, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me! ❤️

I've given my opinion on the former here and here. As for Aqua's happiness being "fake", the lie lies in the fact that Aqua was building his happiness on running away from the truth. Aqua's "freedom" period and his relationship with Akane during it is something I'd love to write about properly later though, so I'll make a mental note to address this then!

and what's your opinion about people saying akane is crazy which is why she's "flawed?"

My opinion is that this hot take is not worth engaging with 😂 It's funny to see people wasting time with made-up flaws instead of discussing Akane's actual flaws though.

I imagine they'll announce S2 next week, so hopefully they also give us a tentative release period! I don't mind waiting for a bit as long as the quality is as good as S1's. If they go for 2 cours this time, Season 2 will truly be the Akane season.

I think the confirmation bias is likely even stronger in manga readers because they've been along longer. I've practically stopped checking OnK out in social media because some takes are just way too bad lol

Hi anon! I'm sorry, I left out the Kishimoto-related stuff because I didn't want to get sidetracked 😂 but to be perfectly honest with you, I'm not an Aka expert. I've only read one other work of his, Kaguya. I have no idea of whether he can be influenced by popularity or not because, in Kaguya, the intended ships also happened to be the most popular ones. The closest thing to a love triangle was pretty much just a distraction and a means for him to explore admiration and unrequited love lol

I do think that Aka is the type to go with whatever suits his vision/fancy best, though. I think he is more likely to be influenced by his own wants rather than the fandom's.

As for the anime, I'm honestly not sure how the merch gets decided. My best guess is that this season they're focusing all the marketing on the "Idol" side of the story, while next season the marketing will highlight the "Acting" side of it. There's no denying that it's pretty disappointing to see collab after collab with no Akane in sight though. I also think they shouldn't have added the recap episode right in the middle of Akane's arc; they should've waited and aired it one episode later. I feel that it kind of stalled the momentum Akane was building with the anime-only fandom, but that may be just me lol

However, what we need to pay attention to is how the anime handles certain scenes. The music cues. What they add, what they cut, what they change. Aka is the type to work very closely with the anime team and to give them information about the story in advance. So if they highlight certain scenes or make them more/less impactful than they were in the manga, it could mean something.

[questioninqthings]

I'm going to be honest: there is something bittersweet, in a gross way, about someone who used to be such a prevalent anti being forced to understand on a new level what even a whisper of a name passed around can do. I have seen antis make completely false allegations that still end up damaging people. This is especially prevalent against the eastern side of the fandom where there's much less of a divide and more of a 'holy shit two cakes!' mentality in appreciating other work that might not cater directly to you. Never mind that the jp fans very rarely if ever enter western fandom spaces, yet antis will drag their names through the mud about 'discovering another shipper' of whom they would likely not know existed without having gone looking. They joke about the American Feelings Yakuza which is unfortunately quite funny because it's true.Knowing that antis say 'this is just a PSA please don't harass the person' and now I suppose you know exactly what crock that is and how harmful it can be, yet there won't truly be a difference made until antis can understand. Though you're not really an anti are you if you understand and practice the simple statement of Ship And Let Ship/Yours Is Not Mine And That's Ok. I believe you're either proship or not, there is no neutral ground and such a label in my opinion just comes off as trying to stay 'in' with the antis. To each their own, of course, but I see it as if you're fine with other people doing what they want and you're not making a problem, then that is quite literally the definition of being proship. Of course it can be a necessary bridging label since I understand the leap from anti to proship can be daunting.

As a former anti who did a bit of self reflection to end up in the blankship pipeline as well it's a unique and fascinating perspective to have. Why did I ever let something bother me when I can opt out of seeing it? Or when the community who enjoys that thing 9/10 times will correctly tag that for the convenience of everyone else? After all, sbms was originally the ship name and now they're not allowed to enjoy the broad range of content just because they take care not to subject others to it? Then have the audacity to be upset that proship people have blocked /them/ preemptively to avoid crossing paths. I know of an anti recently who tried to cause a public stink over people playing a webgame, getting annoyed and childish over not being able to stalk the shipper's blog and find maybe two out of HUNDREDS of posts to 'confirm their identity'. How is that not excessive? I know, I used to be an anti, but now I can't help wondering how on earth these people DON'T understand the depth of what they're doing. Criminals in the real world can have their privacy respected and enforced in many places, yet the crime of enjoying fictional content is more severe?

Sorry for getting rambly but like I said it's a unique position to have been heavily in both sides of what really shouldn't even be a debate. I have respect for you and despite earlier amusement at the irony of being on the receiving end of 'campaigns' you may have promoted or stood by in the past, I genuinely believe can change and I'm quite happy you've been able to escape what essentially boils down to a very cultlike mindset. The irony is just not lost on me, I suppose. I hope you do find solace in a new community and, while there is indeed drama within every circle, the overwhelming majority of people I've encountered have been excited and welcoming. We love character growth in this house 💝

I do agree that this is a really weird case. I was forced to, unintentionally, experience the other side by being called out myself. And despite my efforts to hide my side blog -- even only for a couple of months and blocking hundreds of prevalent antis -- I was still caught.

This means that somebody definitely snooped into the tag for the purpose of witch hunting. Again, it amazes me.

And for someone like me to end up in this situation, as someone (jokingly) called the "head honcho of antis" in the past, and owning a large S//mas server, was unexpectedly strange. It caused people's DNIs to be removed -- some others simply modified, and plenty more stubbornly sticking to their beliefs.

But in other news, I got a few DMs from friends confessing that their DNI was to avoid being ostracized or questioned. This means they were proship the entire time, hiding within the fandom's "safety net" to avoid being witch hunted.

Aside from that, I'm glad I have sane people in my server sticking with me! It's a smaller group now, definitely, but they're a lot more tolerant. Plus I get to draw whatever I want now.

[heartfullofxfright]

@babyitsmagic sent five times left:      ( five times the sender and receiver parted ways ) - for eli/max or ro/ash OR a mix of both if you wanna!!!

this was very obviously inspired by the similar one you wrote about ash/ro but i went with a mix <3

i. one of the hardest things about being immortal is never being able to truly set roots. the constant moving around can be exhausting. thankfully, eli and rowan have each other. it’s not as lonely as it could be, but sometimes they both wish they could have something more. their prayers seemed to be answered when they met ash and max. while they hadn’t become inseparable or the absolute best of friends, they had seemed to be on their way to something special, if only they’d had more time. but eli and rowan had already been there too long. it was difficult to have to say goodbye, to have to move on to the next town when they’d finally found others who might understand, but they were hopeful their paths would cross again someday.

ii. they should’ve been happy to see each other again. but things are different. eli and max are captaining pirate vessels with rowan and ash as their second in commands and that means there can be no playing nice. their crews wouldn’t allow it even if they’d tried. so instead of hugs and drinks and reminiscing, they’re lunging at each other in a fight that should end with two of them dead, but no one seems to be willing to take it that far. so their reunion is short lived, with no pleasantries exchanged. they fight hard, but not as hard as any are really capable of. once they’ve put on enough of a show, they part ways with reputations in tact, but at a hefty cost.

iii. rowan knows this was a mistake. not that she regrets it. she thinks she'd always be too curious to know what it was like and they both needed to get it out of their systems. but watching him sleep as she dresses quietly, she feels her chest ache in a way it never has before when she's slipped away into the night. she finds a scrap of paper and writes a quick note: "until we can sneak away again." she leaves the note on top of his clothes and hurries out of the room before she can do something stupid like convince herself it would be okay to wait until morning to leave. she hopes ash won't hate her too much for it the next time they cross paths, even if it would be easier if he did.

iv. when he sees max, eli curses under his breath. he might not be captaining a ship anymore, but that doesn't mean there's not a hell of a lotta history between them that max might want to hash out. but then she's grinning at him from the bar and next thing he knows, they're buying each other rounds of drinks and laughing at old stories. it's not the max he's used to, but it's a max he likes. he hears them calling his name from the door and he knows it's time to go. he pays for another round for max to apologize for calling the night short and leans in, pressing a kiss to her cheek to say goodbye. he thinks the fact that it had to be unexpected is the only reason he makes it out the door without max kicking his ass.

v. after giving the kids one last kiss and a big squeeze, rowan makes her way over to her brother and gives him a hug. "i'm not asking if you're sure because they've been here for five minutes and probably given you just as many reasons to try and back out, so thank you for taking them. if they do anything absolutely disastrous, you know how to find us." she honestly still can't believe she somehow conned max and eli into watching the kids so she and ash could have a breather, but she's not going to question it. eli brushes off her thanks and as they're walking out the door, he calls to them, "just remember this means you get ours next time!"