#we’ll see him finally being happy and true to himself

[chirpsythismorning]

Skam show-runner Julie Andem clocking the fuck out of Mike being queer-coded in s1 of Stranger Things, and then using it as inspiration to queer-code Isak in s3 of Skam can be something so epic.

THIS! THIS is what I'm talking about!

In ST, there are two scenes in s1 (pretty/still pretty) that milkvans use as irrefutable proof that Mike has always had romantic feelings for El, with the primary object in the scene being a mirror.

THIS. MEANS. SOMETHING.

Mirrors in film mean something more often than not, but especially when they are the focus of a scene is when they definitely mean something. And the way they go about it differently in between those two scenes in ST, drastically differently, and considering the subject matter is very very queer coded, is how you really know there is a significance in this case.

And that scene above from Skam proves it.

Because apparently, another filmmaker watched ST, picked up on those odd details surrounding Mike and said shit I'm gonna use that...

Notice how Isak here, a gay teenager who is fully in denial with others and himself, to the point where he makes really homophobic remarks often, gets caught denying a bunch of girls as being attractive in a conversation with his friends. And so now they're questioning him and making him feel on edge bc the focus is on him and his attraction (lack thereof) to girls.

While his friends aren't even implying he is gay in this moment, it's just them genuinely being confused why he doesn't think any of the girls they think are attractive are attractive, you can still see that Isak starts to feel the pressure and so he latches onto the first girl he thinks of, Emma.

Emma just so happens to look like Natalie Portman with her extremely short hair.

Low and behold this very girl enters the room shortly after he says this and so now Isak has to face this and give his friends the impression he is fully interested in this girl, otherwise they would DEFINITELY suspect something is off. And so he goes all out.

He outs himself.

He literally says Don't you look like that boy from Stranger Things, and then follows it up with saying he would only be attracted to her if we're assuming he is attracted to boys, only to quickly backtrack and start to approach her really flirtatiously, then going all out by making out with her.

As this happens, he is kissing her in the bathroom, in front of a mirror...

Now I want to make clear, I am not saying ST was inspired by Skam. I'm pretty sure I did make that clear, it's actually the other way around, which is even more incriminating arguably.

S1 of Stranger Things came out in 2016, whereas s3 of Skam came out the following year in 2017. The hype for ST was so immense, to the point where you had Norwegian teens referencing it in everyday conversation.

The creator of Skam took scenes from ST that framed Mike very peculiarly in s1, and used it as queer-coding for a character that ended up being revealed as gay.

For those that haven't seen Skam Norway... Run. Leap. Drive. Teleport. Do what you have to do and go watch it. It's not available on any streaming, in fact it's only available online through fan-sites outside of where it's based. Conveniently, all 4 seasons with English subs can be found HERE.

Basically this show is amazing and you need to watch it. Some seasons I like more than others. But the gist of it is that every season focuses on a different character from the main group, where they experience some sort of misunderstanding/miscommunication that leads to them being misinformed about certain things, followed by them making mistakes and having doubts, though it tends to end in a way that feels so refreshing compared to what we're used to.

Skam also translates in english to shame, so the idea is that there is an arc surrounding some form of shame every season.

With Isak in particular, he's the focus for s3, though his arc starts to become more clear as early as the end of s1.

Eva, the character in focus for s1, borrows Isak’s phone to call someone, and ends up seeing that there's gay porn in a bunch of his tabs on his browser. Their friend Noora also witnesses this and she ends up being the focus of s2.

Throughout s2, we get even more blatant hints that Isak is gay and in love with his best friend...

So it's established pretty early on throughout the series that Isak is queer and in denial about it, but it isn't until s3 that he himself is able to confront it.

The way they go about this arc, with Isak having unrequited feelings, is exactly how ST would have done it IF Mike hadn't returned Will's feelings.

So if you're looking for more byler proof, go watch this show and see how they don't let Isak pine over his best friend Jonas for more than 2 seasons.

When the story finally puts Isak at the forefront, they give him his own love interest instead of keeping him pining for his friend. It's really pure and amazing and TBH I would have been fine if ST was framed this way, with it being clear from the beginning Isak's feelings were unrequited, and with the other half of the series focusing on him moving on and finding love himself, and also with his best friend and him still being very close.

Although Isak has that queer-coding from the very beginning, with him looking at his friend all fondly, he is still not able to confront any of it. The following season he dates a girl and is a little over the top about it, though we can also see that he is struggling despite not wanting to face it. It isn't until s3 when the story shows us his inner struggle at the forefront, that we see him finally confront it and accept it.

For those that don't know, Skam also loosely inspired the Nick Nelson gay test scene... So we have character that despite showing many signs of being queer, to the point where we know he literally watched gay porn, is still finding himself in a situation where he's taking gay tests 2 years later....

While he might have the knowledge deep down, he was not willing to face it. In fact he was doing everything he could to avoid confronting it.

But then he falls in love and suddenly it's not something he can ignore anymore...

[bettyfrommars]

Whole Lotta Love

Eddie x fem!Reader

18+MDNI, oral (f!receiving), fingering, unprotected piv, creampie, pet names like baby and sweetheart, both Eddie and reader are over 20.

I received a request for a fic where, no matter how hard he tries, Eddie can't make you cum, and I was happy to do it because it's a much more common situation than how it's represented in most media. I'm not sure this is exactly what they were looking for, but it was a very fun thing to write. This Eddie had me giggling.

a/n: I wasn't sure I would finish this wip after I wrote the first two lines, but then I was in the mood yesterday and smashed it out. It was a very quick write, definitely not my opus, but a true joy, all the same. I hope you like.

wc: 3.1k

Eddie flopped onto his back, huffing out a satisfied breath. “That was so good,” he hummed. 

The fingers of one hand drew a lazy circle on his bare chest as it rose and fell, while his other hand scrambled over to capture yours.  

Shifting his gaze, he caught you staring at the ceiling, unblinking.  “Was that…did you…?”

“Um,” you paused.  It wasn’t that you were afraid to be truthful with him, but the fact that orgasms weren’t flying out of you at the same rate made you feel inadequate, like maybe you were the problem. 

He propped up on his forearm, searching your face, brow creased with concern.  “Did I hurt you or…?”

“No, no,” you rolled over, pulling the sheet up over your hips.  “It felt great.”

At that, he gave an actual sigh of relief.

“But, I didn’t cum.  Or at least, I don’t think I did.”

“You’re not sure?” 

You chewed at your top lip.  “No, I am sure.  I didn’t.”

He traced a few hearts on your shoulder with the tip of his calloused finger.  “Have you ever? With me?”

Your silence spoke volumes, and Eddie’s mind raced to all of the times you’d been intimate in the past few weeks since you’d been together.  He blamed himself for being too eager and sloppy, and shit—he was so crazy about you, it made him dizzy.  He couldn’t believe you let him touch you, let alone cum inside.  

His head snapped up.  “But what about that time I went down on you in the closet at Robin’s party? I swear I felt you—”

“I was close that time,” you admitted, remembering how your legs shook and that heat began to build, in the same way it did when you pleasured yourself.  “But then Gareth was shouting, looking for you and it went away.”

“Fucking Gareth,” he mumbled. “You were close then, okay.  Can I try that again? Now?”

He was already moving down the bed, palming the crook of your knee to slide your leg open.

You put your hand on his head, glancing over at the digital alarm clock.  “Not now, silly, I have to get ready for work.”

You wrapped the sheet around you and got to your feet, leaving Eddie to stare into space, alone with his tortured thoughts.  “Come over tonight?” He yelled while you were in the bathroom. “Wayne leaves for work at 6, we’ll have the place to ourselves.”

“I’ll come over,” you said with your mouth around a toothbrush.  You spat into the sink and then, “But I might be too tired for…other stuff,” your words were met with nothing but silence from the next room.  “We can watch a movie or something?”

Eddie appeared sullen in the doorway next to you in his checkered blue and white boxers. “Do you not want to have sex with me anymore?”

“No, baby I do!” You assured him, eyebrows high on your forehead.  You cupped some water into your mouth and spat it out while he ran his knuckle down your arm. “I really really want to, I just don’t want us to force this.  It’s okay if I don’t have an orgasm every single time.”

“Yeah but it’s not okay with me,” he muttered. 

You turned and planted kisses down his throat, dotting smooches along his collarbone, and then the final peck was on his pouty mouth. You rubbed the tip of your nose against his, “I’ll see you tonight.  I love you.”

—------

You parked on the other side of Eddie's van at the trailer that night and assessed the windows curiously.  At a glance, it looked like the living room had caught fire from the amount of candles that were lit. The song Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin poured out into the soft yellow light of the porch, and you knocked.  

A few raps of your knuckles were met with a loud curse and something like a metal pot crashed to the floor in the kitchen.  No one came to the door, so you entered with caution, and your senses were greeted with the smell of something burning in the oven.

Eddie was by the sink and he spun around with a startled look, wiping his hands down his jeans. He wore a Slayer shirt with the sleeves ripped off, and his feet were bare, letting you see the black toe nail polish you’d delicately painted on a few days earlier.  

“What’s with all this?” You blinked a few times, marveling at how tidy it was.  But also, there were at least 15 mismatched candles ablaze on the side table, the top of the tv, and the counter. 

He wiped his mouth and went over to greet you.   “I just wanted to set the mood,” he grinned, grabbing onto your hips to pull you close. “I read somewhere that the atmosphere can help with, you know.”

“You read somewhere?”

“Just one of those magazines at the grocery checkout.”

“I missed you,” he smiled against your mouth as you said it.  His warm skin smelled spicy and sweet, like he’d recently showered and put on cologne. The yearning you felt for him was all-consuming.  A few hours apart weighed on you like an eternity.  You tilted your head to deepen the kiss, and already your loins were giving you the nod like, “yep, we need to have him inside of us.”  You absolutely craved him on a sexual level, so why was it so hard to find your climax?  It seemed to come easy for everyone else in the world: everybody at the party was cumming but you.  

Eddie was nervous.  He hadn’t felt that out of his mind since the day he confessed he had feelings for you, but if you didn’t feel the same that would be cool, because he didn’t want to fuck up the friendship: you were too precious to him.  Your presence in his life made him feel sane and loved and seen in a way he’d rarely experienced in his life, if ever.  A miracle happened that day, and you’d flown into his arms, asking him what took him so long.

But what kind of boyfriend would he be if he couldn’t please you? In every way?

You watched a sitcom while you ate dinner on TV trays, and when you came back from using the restroom, he had everything put away, dishes thrown in the sink, and he was sitting very propper at the end of the couch, watching you expectantly.  

“Are you, um,” he cleared his throat.  “How are you feeling?”

This was weird, he thought. He was making it weird.  He needed to loosen up and not be so hyper focused on his mission.  Maybe you were tired, maybe you needed to let your spaghetti and burnt french bread settle.  

You straddled his lap, brushing hair away so that you could kiss his forehead. 

“I think I’m ready to try again,” you whispered, and then you ducked down to nibble his earlobe.  “Unless you’d rather stay here and—”

Before you could finish the thought, he was up and the two of you were moving out of the room and down the hall, kissing and fumbling with clothes as you went.  

“I’ve been thinking about this all day,” he nipped your jaw and side of your neck, banging the bedroom door open with the side of his fist. “I hate being away from you.”

There were a few candles around the bed too; on his nightstand, and a red one dripped wax from the window sill down the wall.  

You stopped abruptly, staring at the bed.  “Are those…rose petals?” 

“Tulips, actually,” he rushed to the scene and swiped the soft pink curls away with his arm. “That was stupid, I just thought it would be—”

You caught his mouth with yours, tongues lashing at each other in such an erotic way that a small moan escaped him. 

He wondered if that night would be the night he came in his jeans.

He wasn’t going to let himself cum before you, that was the plan.  He’d jerked off shortly before you’d arrived, but that didn’t mean shit because he was absolutely ready again.  

Suck it up, Munson.

All was off but for your underwear and while Eddie licked greedily at one of your nipples, you reached down to undo his button fly.  “Release the beast,” you cooed.  

He caught your wrist.  “Not just yet, I can’t, I mean, I want this to be about you.”

“I need an even playing field if I’m going to be relaxed enough to…you know.”

He couldn’t get his pants off fast enough at the urging of your hand that was quick to breach the waistband of his boxers to stroke him. He was rock hard and the tip was already weeping, needy for you.  

“Is this all for me?” You ran your thumb in circles over the tip.

Eddie tensed and huffed out a breath that fanned the hair away from his face.  “Fuck, baby, every inch.”

If he wasn’t sharp, he’d cum right there on the spot.

You bounced when your body hit the bed, and Eddie dropped to his knees between your legs.  The visible wetness on your panties were taking a toll on his already fragile state.  He wasn’t patient enough to take them off of you, he just put his mouth right on the material, nuzzling at your pussy through the fabric in a way that pulled a few sharp gasps out of you.  

“I missed her so much,” he pulled back the final barrier with one finger, licking a few times on your swollen lips, and then cursed.  “You’re so wet already.”

“Well, that’s what you do to me,” you propped up on your elbows to look down at him, sucking in your bottom lip at the sensation of his breath on you.

He slid your underwear off the rest of the way, trying to recall what he’d read in that Playboy article he read a while back? Something about writing out the alphabet, and the woman you are with won’t make it to “x” without cumming.

“How does this feel?” His tongue rolled along your folds in a way that made you wonder what he was doing.  He lost track of the letters at around “M”, hips bucking into the side of the bed, cock pulsing so hard, he had to reach down and take some of the pressure off.  

“G-good,” you gasped.  “Just like that but then, up a bit higher.”

You weren’t exactly an expert when it came to your own pleasure, either, you only knew what felt good when you touched yourself.  If Eddie made you cum, it would be the first time you ever experienced that with another person.  You wondered if you should tell him that.  

He followed your instructions, swallowing while he consumed you, until he found the tiny pearl treasure at the top and your grip tightened on him.

“Hmm I think I found it. Hey there pretty baby,” he murmured into your cunt rolling his tongue around the spot. 

“Yesyesyes, right thereeeee Eddieeee.”

The pressure and the speed was perfect and your hand went to his head for encouragement, but then he slowed down and moved locations, licking up the arousal that dripped down  your slit.

“Baby? Could you go back to that thing you were doing a second ago?”

He compiled without a word, trying to find the same pacing again, but the moment was gone. 

“Eddie—” you spread your legs wider as an invitation. “I really need you inside of me now.”

Well, he wanted that more than anything.  But one pump and it would be all over for his dignity.  His eyes were rolling back, seeing cartoon stars just thinking about it.  

Truth? He wasn’t going to make it.  

You noticed his hesitation.  “We can keep trying…after.  But I need to feel you.  It’s lonely up here.”

“You’re so beautiful it hurts,” he crawled up onto the bed, kissing along your stomach, up between your breasts as he went, and then nuzzled at your neck.  “My dick can wait until—”

But he choked on his last words when you took hold of him and rubbed the tip of his length along your wetness.

“Sssshittt,” his whole body trembled. 

Sliding himself in, becoming one with you, made him emotional in a way he’d be embarrassed to share with anyone else. 

“I love you so much,” your voice came out as a cry when he sank halfway in, locking eyes with you.  The stretch made you squeeze around him, eliciting a whimper from so far back in his throat that he wondered if it came from somewhere else, some far off place. 

Once he started to move, he thought about that sweet little pearl and lifted up enough to put his thumb there and move it around.  Your head went back and  you exposed your throat to him.

Eddie grimaced at how close he was, fuck that—he had to slow down.  The way he was touching you, it was making you stiffen like you had when he was on his knees, and he was taking note of everything.

But then you started telling him how bad you needed him to cum, to fill you up, to make you his.  He tried to hold out but then his eyes locked onto yours when you told him you loved him again and he couldn’t stop the wave once it started, no matter how hard he clenched his jaw and his buttcheeks.

One long babble came out of him as his thrusts got sloppy.  “Oh fuck I love you so much I’m cumming so hard, I’m…I’m…holy shit I love you.”

He didn’t ask if you had come that time, because he knew better.

After he caught his breath, he pulled you with him, twisting onto his side, slipping two fingers where his cock had been.  “What if I push all of this cum back inside so it will stay there? Hmm?”

You moaned against his mouth, grabbing a fistful of his hair.  “That feels good, keep doing that.”

“You like that?” He asked, just to be certain.

You nodded, and then, your hand slotted down between your bodies and his arousal spiked when he realized you were touching yourself.  

He curled his fingers to feel that soft, spongy spot, asking how fast you wanted it.

You couldn’t speak, your concentration was intense, eyes screwed shut. 

Oh sure, he was getting hard again.  The feel of his warm spend in your tight hole was doing nothing for his resolve.  

You clenched around him, and then he was whispering, “let me try again,” as he kept his digits buried and made his way down between your thighs.

His mouth had no trouble finding the treasure that time; it practically peeked up at him, begging for a resolution.  He relaxed his shoulders, breathed in the musk of your arousal, and took you into his mouth with a vibrating groan.

“Right there!” You hadn’t meant to scream it, but it was an actual eureka moment.  “Oh fuck Eddie, don’t stop…keep doing…keep doing that.”

He hadn’t moved his fingers in a while, but when he tried to incorporate that into the mix, you stopped him.  “Keep them still,” you held his head, locking him in place—not that there was anywhere else he wanted to be.  “Don’t move your hand just…Ahh yes yes…”

Your jaw went slack in a silent scream, but then his pace quickened, and before you knew what was happening, the blinding white wave crashed through you, rolling through your limbs like satin electricity, making you whine an extended, “cummingcummingcumming,” while you clung to his hair so you wouldn’t fall off the earth. 

Eddie was astonished to learn that could feel it happening.  The juicy walls around his fingers spasmed, fluttering like tight ripples, and he drove his tongue in eager circles, wondering if he could make you cum twice in one go.  Was that even possible? His heart all but flew out of his chest, it was beating so fast, and he moaned long and hard.

But after a bit, you were trying to push his mouth away.  “Wait wait, now it’s sensitive,” but he was so determined, he didn’t pull off until you physically lifted his head.  

He stared up at you, licking his wet, swollen lips.  

You were breathless, letting the final bits of glitter swim through your veins.  “That was—”

He kissed your cunt one two three times.  “That was what?”

He was grinning now, feeling like he’d just won the lottery, or at least a new car. The sense of satisfaction was officially unmatched.

He made his way up the bed to hold you, but you surprised him by taking his fingers into your mouth to suck them clean, dragging teeth along his flesh.  

“I’ve never cum that way with anyone else before,” you said in a whisper, but when he finally registered the weight of the words, his eyes widened.

“My sweetheart,” he pulled you flush against him, giddy, holding your face to brush his lips over yours. “I’m really your first?”

You gave his shoulder a teasing love bite. “And my last.”

“Oh nowww you’re in trouble,” he rolled on top of you, interlacing his fingers with yours to brace your hands above your head, and then he went to work munching at the side of your throat, growling as he did so.  

You screamed and giggled, realizing he was hard again as it nudged at your hip. “I see you’re ready for battle again.”

“I was born ready, baby,” he straightened to see your face. “You want to try a new position? I was reading this—”

The front door to the trailer burst open.

“What the hell? Edward? You tryin’ to burn the place down?”

It was Wayne.

Shit shit shit shit it was Wayne!

Home hours early from work, for whatever reason.

The door to the bedroom was wide open and his heavy footfalls were rapidly approaching from the hall.

Eddie threw the sheet up over you, and a few tulip petals fluttered to your face.  “I’ll be right there!” He shouted, trying to jump into his jeans. He missed a leg hole and stumbled back onto the mattress, making you snort out a laugh. 

He got to the door just in time to greet his Uncle, blocking any view of the room, buttoning his pants as he stood there.  

You could hear Wayne’s voice change. “Is, ah, is your girlfriend here? Sorry, I didn’t see her car.”

“No that’s cool, we were just—” and then he maneuvered him out into the hall, shutting the door behind him.

You lifted up to listen to their murmuring voices, and then Wayne asked, “why is there wax all over the carpet? Blow these fuckers out before the curtains catch fire.”

You had to bury your face in the pillow to muffle your laughter.  

[bimoonphases]

@wolfstarmicrofic March 30 – prompt 30: Calming Draught – word count 642

Calming Draught - Calms the user of shock, trauma etc

Remus was late. Whenever he went to St Mungo’s he tried to make it home before dinner, but this time he had been caught up with Mary in a very complex healing potion. They had gotten it wrong a bunch of times and had ended up crying in frustration, missing Lily and her mastery of potions even more than usual. When he finally walked in the house it took him one look to see it was bad.

All of Harry’s toys were scattered around the living room and in the middle of it all Sirius was holding the screaming two-year old in his arms, trying to calm him down, himself looking on the verge of tears.

“What happened?” Remus asked, putting his bag on the carpet.

“The neighbours had a birthday party with fireworks,” Sirius said through gritted teeth, carefully bouncing Harry up and down with the only result of making him scream even more. “One of the fireworks was green.”

Remus nodded and got closer, carefully taking the little boy from Sirius’s arms. Green lights made Harry mad with terror, and it took a really long time to calm him down. The first time it had happened had been with the fireworks on the fifth of November, literally a couple of days after they had taken him in. Exhausted with grief and the responsibility of now having to raise their best friends’ son they had taken an embarrassingly long time to realise it wasn’t the fireworks to frighten him so much, but the green light. Somewhere, deep into Harry’s brain, he connected it with the light Avada Kedavra made when used, the same light which had robbed him of both his parents.

“It’s alright Bambi,” Remus said soothingly. “Nothing will hurt you now, I promise.”

Harry’s screaming turned to sobbing and he buried his face in Remus’s jumper.

“Cry all you want,” Remus whispered. “We’re here for you.”

After a while, the sobs stopped and Remus looked under the wild mane of hair that looked so much like James’s to see Harry had fallen asleep, exhausted. He carefully placed him in the day bed by the fireplace while Sirius collapsed on the sofa.

“You’re so much better at it than me, Moony,” he whispered as Remus sat by his side.

“It’s not true,” Remus passed an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders. “We’re both learning.”

“I couldn’t calm him down,” Sirius said slowly. “He was screaming so much and I couldn’t do anything, I just wanted to scream with him. It’s so unfair to him, Moony. Prongs and Lily were made to be parents and we… We don’t know what we’re doing.”

“I know,” Remus sighed.

“It’s ridiculous, I… I don’t even know what loving parents look like!” Sirius was now half-laughing half-crying, practically in hysterics. “We’re going to fuck him up, Moony, we’ll be like my own parents!”

“Sssh, my love,” Remus quietly kissed Sirius’s temple. “You’re exhausted.”

“I am,” Sirius sobbed. “I always am, and then I think about them not being happy with what I’m doing with Bambi, and… Maybe Lily wishes her sister had gotten him instead.”

“That’s how I know you’re rambling, Padfoot,” Remus chuckled. He shifted to pass a hand through Sirius’s hair and look him in the eye. “If there’s somewhere from where they’re watching us, I know Lily knows we’re doing our best. And Prongs is probably still laughing at the time we had the brilliant idea of leaving Harry alone for five seconds with a barrel of paint.”

Sirius chuckled.

“All those handprints on the corridor wall… He truly is a Marauder’s son,” he said.

“We’re trying and it’s going to be fine,” Remus smiled. “We’ll manage it, together. Alright?”

“Alright, Moony,” Sirius nodded.

“Good. Now, I think you could do with a drop or two of Calming Draught before bed, don’t you?”

[whumpcereal]

behavior modification, a valentine special

hi! long time, no see. i was home sick from work today and marathoning valentine movies, so here's some sentimental jack and joe for you. part of behavior modification (masterlist here), takes place sometime in the first year after jack's rescue, during his lawsuit against WRU for his freedom.

content warnings for: trauma responses, references to past noncon, tooth-rotting fluff

future snippet, sealed with a kiss

“Is this for your special someone?” 

The clerk’s smile is impossibly large; if she smiles any wider, Joe is convinced her face will crack. He understands. She’s probably asked this question at least seventy-five million times in the last week, and it’s a pointless one. Valentine cards are a perfunctory part of being in a relationship. Even if you don’t think your someone is all that special, you still buy them a card because that’s what the day demands. It’s part of the reason Joe never really cared about Valentine’s Day before. The forced displays of affection, the candy pink sheen of it all–it never seemed to reflect the kind of love Joe knew to be true. 

But this year, it’s different. This year, the clerk’s question isn’t so pointless. Joe looks down at the red envelope in his hand, and he cannot hide his own smile. “Yes, it is. Someone very special.” 

“Well, I’m sure she’ll love it!” the clerk sing-songs back. With a pop of her gum, she grabs the card and scans it. 

Joe doesn’t correct her. At least, not overtly. “I hope he does,” he says softly, but the clerk doesn’t look up. 

They never really celebrated Valentine’s Day before. Sure, Joe liked to rage against the consumer machine, but it was really Jack’s doing. Jack was indifferent, or, at least, he pretended to be. The truth was gift-giving occasions always made him a little uncomfortable. In Jack’s mind, gifts were offered only as part of a fucked-up trade; something he might want for something he certainly didn’t want to give. Joe had learned that the hard way. 

They had been seeing each other maybe a month at the time, but Jack was already spending most of his nights at Joe’s place, even if they hadn’t quite consummated their relationship yet. Joe didn’t know at the time that Jack had basically been squatting in the library study carrels and showering at the fitness center, but even if he had, he was more than happy to have Jack with him as much as possible. 

It had been a hard week. Jack was marking exams as well as taking his own, and Joe had been preparing for a conference; neither of them had come up for air in days. But when the grades were submitted and the presentation finalized, Joe thought they should celebrate. He thought he’d surprise Jack, and he brought home an expensive bottle of champagne and flowers. 

Jack had paled when Joe handed him the roses. “What are these for?” he’d asked. 

“For you, silly. For getting through this bear of a week.” Because I love you, Joe had thought but not said. It was too early. But he kissed Jack’s cheek, because that was something he was allowed to do. It made his body feel electric.

But when he pulled away, Jack was still staring at the roses. “Thank you.” He didn’t sound particularly thankful. 

“Are you okay?” 

A vacant nod. “Yeah. They’re beautiful. Thank you.” Jack set the roses down and turned toward the pantry. “Let me just get dinner started, and then–” 

“You don’t have to make dinner tonight, Jack.” It was before Jack was his Jackie. Before Joe knew what he knows now. “I thought we could kick back and relax. Celebrate.” 

“Of course,” Jack said softly, his chin dipping into the hollow of his throat. “Of course we’ll celebrate. I’ll take care of you.” 

Joe knows that tone of voice now. The faraway note that lets him know Jack is falling back into old habits, a tone that, these days, precipitates a whispered sir. But he didn’t know then.

He didn’t see the way that Jack gnawed on his lip for a split second before he launched himself bodily at Joe, their hips crashing together, Jack’s hands in Joe’s hair. Joe fumbled to set the champagne on the counter behind him, to wrap his hands around Jack’s waist, but Jack’s fingers were already plucking open Joe’s shirt buttons, his mouth close behind. Jack was on his knees so quickly that Joe wasn’t sure what was happening. 

“Jack–ohmygod, Jack.” 

It was everything Joe wanted, but he didn’t know yet that it wasn’t what Jack wanted. Not until he’d looked down and seen tears squeezing from Jack’s pruned eyelids. 

“Jack?” 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I can’t, I just–I know you deserve it. I know what you want. I’ll try again. I’m sorry.” 

It was then that Joe realized. The flowers. The champagne. Jack assumed they were all part of a transaction. 

Jack told him everything that night. About Bill and the others. And Joe learned. He never surprised Jack that way again. Even after Jack came home from WRU–no, especially then–Joe tried to avoid surprises. For Jack, tokens of affection were part and parcel of an economy where he was the commodity. Joe doesn’t want him to feel that way, not ever again. 

But a card. A card is different. 

Joe knows about WRU’s training protocol now. Jack is lucky. Those bastards may have burrowed their poison into his brain, but he still has his words; he can still read. It was one of the only things that gave him comfort when he came home. Books were some of the only things he didn’t ask to touch. Joe understands. Words matter more than things. 

The clerk pops her gum again. “You want a bag and a gold seal?” 

“No, that’s all right.” Joe manages to stop short of telling her that he’s going to seal this one with a kiss. 

“Well, have a happy Valentine’s day, sir.” 

“I will. Thank you.” 

The card is in its envelope when Joe lets himself into the apartment, and Jack is in the kitchen. The apartment is fragrant with a warm, red wine smell. Joe tiptoes to stand in the cheap stucco archway. He watches the way Jack’s basketball short-clad hips move softly to the old fashioned jazz that’s coming from the speaker on the counter. His body is shyer somehow, more tentative in its movements, but still lithe and beautiful. Jack is still Jack, even after everything he’s been through. 

Joe lets out a low whistle, and Jack turns, a pasta server in his hand and a shy smile on his lips. Joe’s knees practically buckle. 

“You’re home,” Jack says. 

“I’m home, baby.” Joe moves into the kitchen, and when Jack offers his lips, Joe takes them, resting a soft hand on Jack’s hip. “What are you making?” 

“Red wine pasta with toasted walnuts and arugula,” Jack says easily. He kisses Joe’s jawline. 

“I know what one of those things is.” 

Jack laughs. “My gourmand.” 

“Or something!” 

“How was your day, Joey?” Jack disengages slowly and goes to pour Joe a glass of wine. 

It’s a difficult question some days. Jack’s days are so different from Joe’s. He isn’t allowed to leave the apartment without supervision until the litigation with WRU is over. Until it’s done, Jack is still technically Joe’s property. But only technically. Joe reminds himself of that every day. 

“It was alright. I missed you.” But it’s easier now. Now, Joe has far fewer opportunities to miss his Jackie. 

Jack smiles, sneaking a sip from the glass before he hands it to Joe. “I missed you too.” 

Joe raises his glass and leans back against the cheap countertop. “I would’ve been home earlier, but I had to make a special stop.” 

Jack is back at the stove. He upends the wine bottle into a sauce pan, and a cloud of rich steam rises in its wake. “Why’s that?” 

“I wanted to get you a card for Valentine’s Day.” Joe says it gently, so that it will not be a surprise. 

Jack freezes, his hand hovering over the sauce pan for just a second, but then his shoulders relax. He peeks at Joe. “You? Mr. ‘Conversation-Hearts-Are-Nuggets-of-Corporate-Greed’?” 

Joe smothers his own smile. Jack remembers. “Yes, me.” He pulls the card from his pocket. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Jackie.” 

Jack puts a lid over the pan and turns around. “I didn’t get you anything.” 

“You’re all the gift I need,” Joe whispers, because it is true. Every one of the days he spends with Jack is a gift. He knew that even before, but every nerve in his body is certain of it now. 

Jack tries to roll his eyes, but Joe can see that his words have landed. “Well, thank you,” Jack says softly. His fingertips whisper against Joe’s when he reaches for the card. 

“Open it up, baby.” 

Jack complies, carefully opening the red envelope that Joe absolutely kissed without a hint of irony after he licked the seal and pressed it closed. The card itself isn’t so special; just the standard hearts and flowers schlock that all the stores sell this time of year. But Joe’s written his own message inside. He watches Jack’s eyes move like a typewriter carriage over his uneven scrawl. 

Jackie, 

I know we don’t usually do this, but I feel like I haven’t told you enough how grateful I am that you are home. Nothing felt right without you, and I know now that it never could. You are my home. You are stronger than any foundation, and I will never stop thanking God that you choose to be with me, even after everything you’ve been through. And it is your choice. You have every choice. You deserve that. 

I choose you, every day. I always will. 

Love, 

Joe 

When Jack looks up again, his blue eyes are glassy with tears. “Joey–” 

“I didn’t mean to–” 

Jack shakes his head. He folds the card carefully and stares down at it. “You didn’t. Joe?” 

Joe takes a hesitant step forward. “What is it, baby?” 

“I choose this. I do.” 

Jack reaches for him then, and Joe pulls Jack into his chest. “I know you do. And even if you didn’t or if–if someday, you don’t, I’ll always be grateful for this. Right now.” 

Jack lets Joe hold him, and Joe knows exactly what this moment is worth. He wraps his arms so tightly around Jack that, if he didn’t know exactly how strong Jack is, he might crush him. But no one can crush Jack, and Joe knows how to hold him. Joe knows how to give him room and keep him close all at once. Joe knows how to let him choose. 

taglist: @oddsconvert, @darkthingshappen, @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump, @sparrowsage, @aut0psy1, @mylifeisonthebookshelf, @termsnconditions-apply, @darlingwhump, @squishablesunbeam, @dont-be-gentle-please, @deltaxxk, @irishwhiskeygrl, @keeper-of-all-the-random-things, @hold-him-down, @peachy-panic, @whumpyblogthing, @sowhumpful, @considerablecolors, @ramadiiiisme, @sunnie, @sadboysanonymous, @panic-whump

[catmansquad]

“Unstable” (4)

Right, let’s sign off this disaster caused by a crazed homewrecker with superpowers. Finale of Yandere!Miguel

‘But he was you!’ The argument had been on both their minds for the past two days. A puzzling sense of unmatching pieces that never gave any sense of resolution. Like an invisible wedge that was now stuck between them. ‘I’m not lying to you, Miguel. I didn’t spontaneously decide; “Oh, my husband’s not home, let me just grab a handsome guy off the street to get into bed with for a few days”!’ You watched Miguel’s eyes go wide, his injuries were slow to mend, but at least he looked more like himself than the haggard wraith who had all but collapsed into your arms. ‘… He’s been in our bed, too?!’ ‘I’m not lying! I’m not cheating on you! He was you, Miguel! Literally you! Same hair, same face, same voice!’ ‘I… I don’t need this… I really don’t…. I get kidnapped by a fuckin’ masked maniac, have all by belongings stolen, and spend nearly a week trying to get back home. I had to live like a beggar! Pleading with people for food and money, anything I could to get back home! When I finally do get back, I find my beloved wasn’t even looking for me! Wasn’t even worried- because they’ve got it into their head that I was never missing at all!’

‘Miguel, where are you going?!’ ‘Out! To clear my head!’ ‘Miguel!’ The holographic screen was fixed firmly upon the two of you. The room was filled even more destruction than before, more shattered screens and consoles, half-built machinery that had been scrapped, covered in deep gouges and crushed metal. Calm from his fury, Miguel paced back and forth with arms folded, keeping his eyes firmly on the screen, once again peering into your world from his own. Despite his passing fury, his anger still rolled inside him. It had just been far too good to be true; you were his, he had in his arms every night, he had kept you safe and comforted, both as himself and his alter-ego. Now that pathetic, weak, other version of him had just stepped back into your life- and he was causing you anguish and distress. He cracked his neck and rolled his shoulders, feeling another bout of fury rising inside him. ‘Lyla…’ His eyes remained firmly on the holographic screen, teeth gritted, watching you perch on the sofa, seeming despondent. ‘What’s up? You’re looking a little tense.’ ‘I want you to keep a tracker on this other me. As soon as you see an opening, let me know.’ ‘He’s out of the house now.’ ‘No. Too soon. They need time to heal…. Time to let suspicions rest- shock it!’ He grabbed whatever was close to hand, a half-built bracelet and hurled it across the room with a snarl to shatter at the far wall. ‘He shouldn’t have come back! He should have stayed away!! We would have been happy together…. We… still can be happy together…’ His gaze returned once again to the screen, watching you in your forlorn state, a hand reaching out, as if he wished to stroke your cheek, to offer comfort. ‘… I’m right here, mi amor… I’ll be back, I promise… We’ll never be apart. Not ever again.’

‘They said I resigned.’ You looked up from your food, Miguel’s plate remained untouched, his eyes firmly on his phone, you watched his mood spiral further into anger and despair. ‘You told me that you were on vacation, Mig.’ Your saw his hand tense around his phone, the casing creaking in his grasp, a vein throbbing in his forehead out of irritation. ‘They said that I came in not long after I left and resigned “with immediate effect”… How?! I was halfway across the city being beaten black and blue! By the same guy you said saved your life! What the fuck is happening here?’ You watched Miguel place his phone aside and bury his face into his hands with a low groan of frustration. ‘My partner’s convinced I never left, I’ve been kidnapped, threatened, beaten, and now been left unemployed… How could I possibly be in two places at once? How…? What am I going to do now…?’ You reached across the table, hand resting palm up and fingers beckoning softly until he reached out to take your hand, his eyes were sparkling with unshed tears. He looked like a broken man, and you felt nothing but love and pity for the man. Even as the reasons that had led to it all made no sense whatsoever. You truly believed in Miguel’s story, yet at the same time, you knew you hadn’t imagined that your husband had also been with you for his supposed absence. Miguel squeezed your hand for reassurance, and you returned the gesture. ‘We’re going to be alright, Mig… I promise. We’ll be alright.’

Miguel had tried everything, his very best to get his career back, but to no effect. Apparently, his supposed resignation had been so sharp and intimidating that it had been accepted without hesitation. Three nights later, you were cuddled up in bed together, wrapped in the blankets. His embrace was not one of security, but one of desperate comfort, clinging to you like he was afraid you would abandon him, if he let go. Your eyes fluttered open, glancing around the dark room. What had woken you up just now? You listened; the sound of traffic in the distance, the soft breathing of your husband as he slept beside you, skinnier than he had been several days ago. Certainly, something didn’t sit right about a man who could gain and shed muscle mass in a short time. You sat up with a soft gasp, there it was again, the sound that had woken you. ‘… Miguel… Miguel…’ ‘Mm… Whasit…?’ He murmured, still half asleep, eyes barely open. ‘I... I think there’s someone outside…’ ‘Hm... ‘s probably just a fox scouring through the trash… Go back to sleep…’ ‘Foxes don’t try door handles…!’ Your voice was a conspiratorial hiss and you watched him sit up with a groan, rubbing his eyes. You both sat, ears strained against the silence, not even a whisper pierced through the quiet. ‘See? Just foxes, mi vida… Nothing to worry abou-‘ Miguel’s attempt at soothing was interrupted by a mighty crash from your garden and you watched your husband nearly leap out of his skin in fright. ‘What the fuck was that?!’ He threw back the bedsheets, grabbing his clothing from the creased pile and pulling it on scowling under his breath. ‘I swear, if it’s not one thing, it’s another… I just can’t catch a break…’ ‘Miguel, do you-?’ ‘Stay here, I’ll be right back…’

He had unlocked the back door, clutching a torch in hand, stepping outside, he shivered at the bitter chill of the night and cast the beam over the garden, nothing moved in the interplay of light and shadow. He stepped out, searching and finding the source of the crash from where the recycling bin was lying far away from where it should be, cracked and dented, like it had been thrown with considerable force, with bits of would-be recycling spilling out. ‘How the hell did this happen…?’ He shivered again, not just at the chill of night, but of feeling eyes on the back of his neck. He spun around, scouring through the darkness with the beam of light. Nothing revealed itself. ‘… I thought I’d made myself clear, pendejo…’ He went tense, fear racing through his heart at that familiar growl of a voice, again right behind him. ‘I told you to stay away. You didn’t listen. That’s very unfortunate, for you…’ Miguel steeled his nerve and turned slowly, eyes wide and breath caught in his throat, his mind tried and failed to process just what he was seeing; his own doppelganger stared back at him, eyes blazing red and furious with intent, teeth bared in a snarl with sharp fangs. ‘… W-what the fuck…?’ ‘All you had to do was stay AWAY!’ His other self punched him with the force of a truck and Miguel felt the world spin, tumbling through the air to land winded on the grass, torch clattering to the grass beside him, beam flickering. He glanced around, unable to see through the gloom, unsure of where his doppelganger was. He crawled forwards, closer to the torch, if he could just escape, he could get inside, barricade the door and stay safe with you until… Until what? Until the police came, from a call that he was being threatened by himself?! You were on his mind, protecting you was what mattered. His fingers brushed against the torch, he felt something tie itself around his ankle, and you were on his mind still as he was dragged back, screaming, into the darkness.

You had hurried downstairs, phone in hand, calming when you found the back door already locked once again, your husband by the sink, washing his hands. ‘Miguel…? Are you alright?’ He looked to you with an expression that you couldn’t quite place, but the sheer intensity behind it gave you pause, then it evaporated into a calm, loving smile. ‘Hey… I’m fine. Just foxes knocked over the recycling bin.’ ‘B… But I thought I heard… I heard you scream.’ He laughed softly, nodding. ‘Ay, stubbed my toe on the step hard, coming back in… Shockin’ stung, ow…’ His smile faded as you continued to stare at him. ‘I’m fine, mi vida… Go back to sleep. I’ll be up soon.’ You silently agreed with him and turned away, grateful that nothing else was wrong. In the dim light, you missed the swirls of water, stained crimson, running down the drain, of Miguel scrubbing clawed fingers clean. He had no such issue seeing in the dark; crimson eyes watching you leave with a relieved smirk. He focused on keeping his claws retracted, drying his hands, and then returned back upstairs to where you were already half asleep. There would be no further interruptions.

You awoke warm and safe, cuddled close in strong arms that maintained an almost possessive hold on you as you tried to squirm out of them. ‘Mm… Jus’ five more minutes, mi corazón…’ His voice purred, pulling you closer against him. You sighed and agreed with him, snuggling closer into his chest. ‘Hey, you’re buff again, Miggy…’ You noticed, hearing him chuckle in response. He was so very warm. ‘… My love, you talk as if I’m not always this fit.’ ‘You were skinny last night…’ ‘You’re getting mixed up with your dreams again, mi amor… Shh, just lay here with me… Just like this…’ He hummed softly, nuzzling into hair, one leg moving to wrap around you, pinning you even closer against his body. You were trapped in his embrace and could do nothing but lay there until he finally released you. Not a bad place to be, all in all. Soon, it would all fall apart.

All day, Miguel had been not more than a few feet from you. Showering together, cooking together, and even sat down, he did not let your body touch the sofa, you were in his lap, hugged close. ‘What did I ever do to be blessed with you…?’ He murmured, placing sweet kisses on your neck. Already your skin was covered in the lovebites he had left, and he did not seem content to stop any time soon. You squirmed in his arms, what had once been devoted and delightful was starting to raise other feelings in you now, feelings of concern and worry that were compiling with other issues your logical mind had logged. ‘… Are you alright, Mig?’ ‘I’m absolutely fine…’ He purred, hands ghosting down your body to rest at your hips. ‘…. Well, the other night you were a wreck.’ ‘I’m fine… I just want to enjoy my vacation with you…’ The gears of your logical mind clicked and spun together at the contradiction that had just left his lips. ‘Vacation? Mig you told me that you’d resigned- or that someone had said you’d resigned. You were an absolute mess because you couldn’t get your job back and now…’ You felt him freeze, lips on your neck, hands firm on your hips. He didn’t resist as you slipped free and rose to looked at him as his posture relaxed, eyes looking into your own. ‘I.. I just don’t understand. It doesn’t make sense; how I can be enjoying life with you, and then you suddenly appear on my doorstep claiming you’ve been kidnapped, and then you just suddenly snap right back like nothing’s wrong…’ ‘Mi amor, don’t be like this… Just come here…’ ‘A-Am I going crazy, Mig?... A-are you?’ You watched him freeze up again, eyes narrowing a fraction and he rose quietly from where he sat, and it was a grim, sudden reminder of how much he towered over you in height and mass. ‘…. C-crazy?’ He spoke in a soft breath, hands curling tight. ‘You think I’m crazy…?’ ‘N-no! No, I just want to understand-‘ He growled, literally growled in his throat, teeth gritted, and you were scared by the sight of his long, sharp canines. ‘… You’re thinking it too, aren’t you? Hm? Go on. Say it! Crazy. Mad! UNSTABLE!!!’ You watched in horror as he grabbed the sofa, clawed fingers ripping into the fabric as he hurled it across the room with a yell. He turned to you, chest heaving, eyes blazing red, and the horror on your face seemed to snap him from his rage and pinched the bridge of his nose with a long exhale. ‘I’m... Not angry with you. I could never be angry with you… I love you, so much, mi amor, mi vida… Just come here…’ ‘Miguel-‘ ‘Just come here!!’ He demanded, temper rising again, arms open for you. Whatever you said next was cut off by the distant, terrified screaming of your neighbour. Miguel’s head tilted as he listened, eyes firmly on you. ‘…. I think they just found that mangled mess I made of the weak, pathetic man you married… That’s alright, you don’t need him anymore. You have me now…’

In the rush of adrenaline and panic, you weren’t sure exactly how you escaped, from him, from your home. Now, you were several streets away, trying to lose yourself in the city, and thoroughly convinced that he was not following you. You had called for help, all of your friends, and all of them had refused to answer in turn. All of them refused your call, some had even blocked your number. Your husband wasn’t your husband, the man who wasn’t him had killed your husband and now he was after you. To do what? Did he plan to kill you, too?! You needed help, you needed someone who could keep you safe. You flattened yourself into the dimness of a dark alley, peeking out just to double-check that the imposter was absolutely not following. You almost had a heart attack from the sheer fear and shock of the scrape of brick and you watched the answer to your prayers slide down the wall. Spider-man was here. ‘You look like you’re scared out of your mind, someone troubling you?’ ‘Oh… Oh, please… Please help me!’ You all but threw yourself against his chest, trembling and watching him briefly flinch at your openness before a comforting hand patted your back. ‘Heh. Helping is what I do, what’s the matter now…?’ ‘M-my husband who isn’t my husband murdered my husband and now he’s coming for me, please… Spider-man, please help me…’ He hushed you softly, taking one of your hands in his own with a reassuring squeeze. ‘Of course. Of course, I’ll help. Don’t worry, you’re safe with me… You always will be…’ You didn’t notice until the sharp click that he had fastened a simple black bracelet tight against your left wrist. ‘W-what is…?’ His strong arms brought you tightly against him, one hand rubbing small circles on your back as he hushed you softly again. ‘Shh… It’s going to be alright…Te amo… Te amo, mi amor, mi vida…’ The shaky breath filled your lungs as the horror of realization settled. ‘… Oh god…’ ‘I love you... I love you, so much, it hurts…’ ‘… O-oh god…’ ‘But I really don’t think you’ll be safe here anymore… It’s gotten too messy. Too many questions to be asked by the wrong people…’ Your revelations were confirmed as the mask pixelated and fell away into glittering lights, red eyes met your own briefly, before he leaned in to kiss your neck, once, twice, then you felt the stabbing of sharp fangs, the burn accompanied by something else that left your body leaden and unresponsive. ‘There you go… There you go… Shh… It’s going to be alright. It’s going to be absolutely fine. We’re going to go somewhere safe, where we can be together, where we can be undisturbed. I can take care of you there, and you’ll come to realise that you love me just as much as I love you.’ The world behind him collapsed and fractured into a gate of swirling lights, offering brief glimpses of another place altogether. ‘… We’ll have our whole lives together…’ He bundled you in his arms, kissed your forehead gently, and carried you through.

------

So, there we are. Unstable. I do enjoy writing some darker takes on Miggy, only so I can then go to Looking Glass and counterbalance it with him being an absolute ball of wholesome, healthy love and fluff for being absolutely head over heels with his LI (See: Excerpt “Doughnuts” for example). Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading about getting kidnapped by a crazy man from another world who developed an unhealthy obsession with you and couldn’t grasp why killing and replacing your husband with a buffer, better version of himself wasn’t something you were too keen on...

If memory serves me @oscarissac2099 wanted to be tagged, too. So, there’s that.

[blatantlackofdecorum]

HEY THIS IS KIND OF SPECIFIC BUT CAN YOU DO THE GANGS REACTION TO A READER WHO IS USUALLY SERIOUS AND DOESNT EXPRESS MUCH, BUT THEN KINDA BREAKS DOWN AND STARTS VIOLENTLY SOBBING IN FRONT OF THEM?? THANK YOU HEHEEHE

OHOHO I can. keep it coming with requests anon, because hyper specific stuff is my favorite to write tbh

Went with Reagan, Brett, Ron and Andre for this! (Sorry JR fans i’m saving him for special occasion) 

Reagan 

- her first reaction is shock, she hesitates to touch you at first, wanting to make sure she doesn’t overwhelm you.  - she has.. a confusing time with people’s emotions, but it’s you. “Hey.. what’s wrong?” 

- she’d take your hand in hers, rubbing the back of it mindfully. modeling breathing techniques they sprung on her in anonymous anonymous.  - cooing the only words of comfort she can think of, all of her thoughts cease when you wrapped your arms around her. she froze for a few seconds, before returning it.  - she’s always struggled with repressing her own emotions, but this had been a long-time coming. she pondered how you’d managed this long without any outburst. she rubbed your back haphazardly, and listened to you with shaky breaths try to explain the source of this.  - “I’m glad you told me” was her first response, “I know it feels like it sometimes, but you don’t have to handle this by yourself. promise.”

- the type to let you vent to her and than will take you out to get food, because talking about emotions is exhausting  - expect her to be a little more vigilant when it comes to your emotions though. 

Brett

- his first instinct is to smother you, “what’s wrong love? did something happen? can I hug you?” all of his concern poured out into his words, waiting for you to give something of a nod before wrapping his arms around you  - if you need a minute to cry it out, he’s all for it. expect him to rub your back and just listen. 

- he might cry a bit himself, (he’s on the higher empathy side of autism I don’t make the rules, me too brett)  - that being said, anything you got going on? he’s in it with you. if this is caused by a certain person? expect him to have some stern words for them, if it’s at a situation? he won’t stop until he can help you figure it out. 

- he usually keeps a panic attack kit on him at work, so he won’t hesitate to get you a fidget if needed. he understands how hard it can be to come down from sobbing like that. when you’ve calmed down to a certain point, he takes your hand in his. 

- “I want you to know i’m happy you shared this, and I care about you. I promise we’ll figure this out together okay?” every bit of his reassurance seems to be nothing but believable. 

- if the two of you are at home when this happens? expect to be cuddled and practically worshipped until you feel better.. if you’re at work, he’s taking you to his office to wait out the anxiety-attack hangover.

Ron - “honey, ” his hands find your face quickly. wiping your tears with his thumbs.  “hey, what’s going on?” he waits for you to find the words. a patient frown dawning his lips.  - straight to reassurance. “everything’s gonna be alright, I promise”     - he’s not happy that this is happening, but he is a little relieved that he’s finally seen you showing some of your emotions, he just worries you don’t feel comfortable around him sometimes. (Despite this obviously not being true)

- “I’m here to listen.” he reassures. as the initial tears and your breathing start to slow, he’ll start to listen to the situation, and throughout it expect him to be nodding all the way. he just wants to make sure you know he’s listening. - and really, he is. if you need help trying to fix a problem? this guys there, if you just need to talk for a little bit, he’s always up to listen. he just wants to see you happy. - that being said, he’s happy the two of you could talk at this level. there’s something of a bond that comes from it.

- expect him to start checking up on you more, especially just asking if you need to rant to anyone. coworker problems? parking ticket? ranting family member? he’s practically heard it all.

- he’d ask you to go watch movies after this, I don’t make the rules. he might even take the day off for it.

Andre

- he might immediately worry he did something wrong, but when he figures out this is an entirely different problem, he’s doing everything he can to help you calm down (he’s definitely had his own panic attacks before though, so he already has a few ideas in mind)

- he reaches for a hug, wrapping his arms around you with a soft sigh. “I’ve got you. I promise.” He hums out, letting you sob into his shoulder.

- the crying doesn’t last very long, and within a couple minutes, your breath’s feel somewhat full again. your hands though continue to shake in Andre’s grasp, and he doesn’t let up on tracing your palm.

- after a bit of talking, mostly andre listening (with the occasional verbal profanity at the absurd-mess of a situation) he starts to understand your apprehension to leave that facade you put on for work. he definitely knew someone was under there, but he realized this might be his first time meeting them.

- he’s generally the most down to earth out of the group when it comes to mental health stuff. he has nowhere to judge. so by all means, if his partners having trouble with it? he’s all ears. sometimes having someone to just listen to you can go a long way. he really cares about you, and he knows you’d do it for him.

- “we’ll figure this out; we won’t stop until it’s fixed.” His hand squeezed yours; and his eyes finally met yours: anything about his expression could’ve easily convinced you of his intentions.

[foxykatie425]

No one asked, but here are my hopes for a third and final Jedi game…

Things I want:

• A reason for the characters not to be involved in the OT. My prediction is that Cal will be forced to destroy the compass to keep the colony on Tanalorr safe from the Empire, leaving them stranded with no way out of the Abyss, but having a small but thriving settlement with everything they need to survive. And then some day, after the Empire falls, some other Jedi (whether it be Luke, Ahsoka, Ezra, whoever!) will have to go on a mission to reach them and reconnect them with the galaxy.

• Kata training with the Force. Most likely she’ll be trained by Cal as a Jedi, but there’s a chance Merrin could also be teaching her some Nightsister magick. I’m looking forward to Kata being a fully fleshed out character.

• Declarations of love. I guess technically we got a little of that in Survivor, but both of them have yet to actually use the L-word! And I think we’d all scream at an “I love you” “I know” moment!

Things I don’t want:

• A Merrical baby. As much as it would make my shipper heart happy, there are two reasons I don’t want this. Firstly, introducing another kid would take the attention (and by that I mean the audience’s attention) away from Kata, who has yet to really have her time to shine. And secondly, it would probably contribute to the next thing in this list I don’t want…

• Threats on his family pushing Cal to the dark side. At least in a super blatant way. I’m fine with Cal struggling with the dark side, and given the way Survivor ended I’d say it’s almost necessary. (Although, I can’t see him falling completely, that would not be a very satisfying ending to his arc.) What I don’t want is Cal dabbling in the darkness in the name of protecting his family. First of all, let’s not prove the Jedi Order right! Second of all, we’ve had that story in Star Wars before! More than once! Of course, that was one of the big reasons for Anakin’s fall, but we even had that in Survivor with Bode! And while comparisons between Cal and Bode might seem poetic, they would be a lot more poetic if Bode was still alive. Obviously everything that happened still affects Cal, but from a storytelling perspective, you can’t really expect the audience to draw parallels between two characters if one never appears on screen. Case in point: Cal and Trilla shared a lot of interesting parallels in Fallen Order, but Trilla is only mentioned in Survivor once, and it’s in passing. But if Cal started doing unscrupulous things to protect his family, he would very quickly be reminded of Bode and stop himself from making the same mistakes. (Besides, lest we forget, Merrin doesn’t need protecting!)

• Cal dying. (And not just because I want him and Merrin to have the first true happily ever after in Star Wars.) It’s always the looming threat in anything set before the OT, especially with Jedi. I mean, never mind Yoda’s declaration to Luke in ROTJ that “the last of the Jedi will you be” because that’s already been proven false in pretty much every way; I’m fine with assuming that, believe it or not, Yoda may not have known everything! However, Cal has made himself a pretty high-profile Jedi in the eyes of the Empire, and one would logically assume that if he was around during the OT, Luke would have sought him out. Thus we once again run into the question of “doomed prequelitis.” Rogue One played this trope completely straight. Rebels mostly did not, but notably the two major Jedi characters were both removed from the equation. One in the form of death, and the other in the form of semi-voluntary intergalactic exile! (Of course there’s the loose thread that is Ahsoka, but there are lots of plausible ways to keep her out of the OT, so we’ll save that discussion for another day.) My point is the status quo that is established at the end of Survivor would not keep Cal and company off of Luke’s radar. They are still involved with the Hidden Path, which presumably would have ties with the larger Rebellion, and they would surely keep doing that as long as they are able. However, killing off Cal would be the easy way out in terms of storytelling. Even if his death was some kind of heroic sacrifice, it would once again be a story we have already seen many times in Star Wars. It would be lazy, repetitive writing, and with the time capsule that is Tanalorr, it does not need to be that way. All we need is a reason that they can’t leave Tanalorr and a reason no one can go in after them. Hence why I think the last compass will be destroyed!

Obviously these are just some overarching ideas for what I think the third game should look like and have little to do with gameplay or any kind of specific plot. I’ll leave that to Respawn! 😉

[fan-a-tink]

Young Royals S3 thoughts

EP5

Even just hearing this scene’s echo was horrific. It must have been so much worse to actually go through it. 

It must be so hard for Wille to reconcile how he knows Erik which what he now knows about him. And he is not here anymore to defend himself. Uuuurgghhhhh!

Please talk to Simon. Please talk to him. Shutting him out will not make anything better.

Sara and Felice doing desserts together, that’s the best idea anyone has ever had :) A chance for them to talk, yay!

This Micke is starting to be a dad too good to be true. This is sketchy behaviour. He is too happy, this is going to spiral out of his control. Oh Sara I am worried for you….

Ok, I am just going to say it (even 2021 me would judge me so hard for this) but August „redemption arc“ is working. Like I honestly believe that he is trying to be a little bit better as a person. I want him to be alright. And yes, I am shocked that I think this. 

Whose locker is number 60? Is that Sara’s? 

Wille once more calling his parents because he needs support. And his dad once more not stepping up. Nobody is perfect, not even Kronprins Erik….!

Edvin Ryding, the actor you are…

This episode it’s Wille’s turn to look as if his soul has left him. 

Oh shit this will be the music room fight. I am not ready. I am not ready. No no no no no noooooooo.

RIP Wille in the choir. Those scenes in episode two were worth it though :)) 

It is so typical for Simon to think that he has done something wrong. Simon, my love, you are not ‚difficult‘ for asking questions!! You are wonderful. 

Wille, those are your thoughts, not Simons. They are your fears, your doubts, your anxieties. And they are completely valid. But please don’t put words in Simon’s mouth and push him away like that. „Maybe he gave in to peer pressure. What do you know?“ Like, Simon is trying to help you here, he’s trying to talk it through with you and help you out. Nooo, don’t walk out on him?!!!

Simon being left behind in the music room is just as devastating as Wille being in there after their fight last season. I am done with this music room. 

The 36 on Simon’s locker is now always going to remind me of that fan exam :)) I was sooo unsure about that question haha

So she takes the letter, but is she reading it? Should we assume she read it? Or is she just not going to read it? I am confused…

Oh no. Micke has forgotten. The hope and desperation in her voice that she’s trying to conceal while leaving these voice messages for her dad is killing me. Also, ruuuuuun! You can still make it :) 

Why is Wille only ever with Felice when he’s had a fight or something with Simon? Like, when they’re good, he never hangs out with her. 

I also do believe he would have accepted and embraced Wille’s queerness. But I guess it’s the fact that we’ll never know that is so hard to deal with.

Purple nail polish ✨ slay :)

Sara made it :) But also, it’s stressing me out that she just puts her id back into her bag and doesn’t close it properly. It could fall out!

That is so heartbreaking seeing that Micke is falling back into the habit of drinking with his friends. And the worst possible moment for Sara to find out, mid-driving test, in the middle of the road. 

Linda giving Simon the long overdue hug and telling him he’s not doing anything wrong. YES!

„Love shouldn’t be this difficult“ - Linda, I trusted you!!! Don’t give Simon ideas.. 

Sara turning up at the house, breaking down. Simon hugging her. Forgiving her. I am in actual tears now. Can’t handle it. I’m sooo glad he is forgiving her. This was soooo necessary. Finally some healing…. 

That’s a decent apology text, Wille, I’m proud of you :)

The nail polish looks sooo good!!

And its off 😂 That was shorter than Wille’s career in the choir..

The Happy Birthday Song Scene will forever be my favourite Wilson scene. I am crying my eyes out because I know it’s all going to go wrong soon, and this might be one of the last moments of happiness. And it is SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!! 

Also I am sooo glad the ‚Is everything ok between us?‘ line happened here and now was immediately answered with a ‚yes‘ - that takes away one of my biggest fears from the trailer… 

Also, he made him a sandwich? Asjdnä oajbef lskdfb .sjdnfsldnf lsdn 💜

I like Farima. Also her green suit is gorgeous :) 

They are holding hands in the car !!!!

„Maybe it was stupid to tell you that thing about Erik. I get that it must’ve been tough to hear.“ Yeah, no shit, August.

Simon is just chilling, living his best life eating cake :) 

„Cause there’s a risk of poisoning.“ Oooff. Simon’s expression is golden :))

I think Simon will never get used to having staff to take care of everything. And to Wille being absolutely ok with that and not even noticing it. 

Spotted Lisa Ambjörn, hihiiiii :))

Please make Simon feel welcome. Please. 

Why are they all pretending like everyone’s happy and fine? 

August is just so happy to be near Sara, it is actually adorable. 

Felice and Sara working side by side. I have so much hope that they can find their friendship again. Like, they are both loving being in each other’s company..! And Felice wanting to be a chef? I am here for it!!!! That whole little scene was beautiful :))

That is the most awkward dinner conversation ever. Poor Simon. Poor Wille. And they really don’t make it easy for anyone just bringing everything back to Erik. Like, that just adds so much pressure on Wille, and also this is such a vulnerable topic for him right now… 

Class Bad Boy. Lol

I love that he hates the title. Like, season 1 August would have loved it! That is GROWTH, ladies and gentlemen!

„It’s not very long. I’ll read it to you“ - dude, she can read, she just didn’t want to! 

His voice breaking up a little while he reads the letter. Malte is really on the next level this season…

The way he leans his head into that hug…! I have so much hope for them…. Please, please, please!

Yes, I can see that from Frederike’s point of view this looks bad. But you don’t know anything about the situation. And you’re just going to cause problems. But of corse she runs straight to Felice. Uuughhh, and things were just starting to look like they could be friends again someday. 

Wille playing a bit of the school song. Is that the only thing he remembers how to play, because he taught it to Simon? 

Wille, you’re being unfair. Yes, it’s hard for you. But Simon is also allowed to find it hard. And he is only trying to support you.

I’m sorry, but Wille’s parents could not be more useless right now. I am so glad Wille is finally speaking his mind. Maybe the delivery is not the most productive, constructive, diplomatic, but a child should not have to beg for his parents to be there for him. And they should not just leave the room when he does. Like, I understand that you are ill and struggling and that it must be absolutely terrible to deal with your eldest son dying tragically in a car crash, but Wille is right, you still have a son, and he needs you!!! 

The way Simon looks horrified and genuinely scared when Wille smashes the gifts. Like, he looks kind of scared of Wille. I bet he witnessed these kind of violent outbursts from his dad when he was younger. Oh Simon….

There it is: „Love shouldn’t be this hard.“ And it hurts just as much as I thought it would. 

Wille’s cheek is so wet, he must have been crying a lot already. 

Simon’s voice cracking when he says „Maybe it just can’t work.“ - he is breaking his own heart admitting this. 

The lyrics just before the cut „I got addicted to a losing game“ - KILL ME NOW!

I am in tears. Like, I knew they were going to come to a point like this, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok!!!

[julieloves074]

Your Dance (Jeremiah Fisher x Y/n)

Summary: A Debutante Ball isn’t exactly what Y/n had in plac this summer but in the end she got to dacne with her Prince Charming 

Warnings: Swearing, kissing, cancer, death, drinking, angst, fluff, sadness, happy ending 

Words: 15K

(Not my GIF :) )

My mom died of cancer I was very little, when I was 5, and my dad was nowhere to be found, thankfully aunt Laurel was more than welcoming to me. She treated me like one of her own, I lived with her and my two cousins which also meant I got to spend every summer at Cousins beach with the Fishers.

“Hey let me control the music for once!” Belly screamed in the back of the car, Steven and I had finally found a few songs we both liked so we kept the cord from her and I think Laur was thankful.

“When you have your own car we’ll talk” Steven said proudly.

“This isn’t even your car, it’s mom’s” she answered back and I burst into a laugh, she wasn’t wrong, we all just used Laurel’s car.

“Whatever, whenever you pass your driving test then we’ll talk” he adapted his sentence and this time no one could argue his case.

Bells didn’t try for the aux chord after that, we weren’t far from the summer house anyway. It was already in the air though, the smell of the ocean, the noise of the seagulls, and then finally: the house.

My heart jumped an extra few times whenever that house came into view, the only place I ever felt like I belonged but also the house where sometimes feeling like an outsider was inevitable. I pushed the second thought aside when I saw the blonde curly haired boy that sat on the front stairs. The door behind him wide open, he has been waiting for us just like he does every year. Conrad used to too, but he was being really off with everyone recently.

Him and I were always close, just like Belly and Jeremiah, that’s just the way it was, we told each other secrets no one else knew. Why? I don’t know it just kind of always clicked, but as the years passed by he distanced himself, and all I could do was respect his wishes. That’s when Jeremiah and I started to hang out a lot more, the summer his mom got sick was hard on everyone but I think Jere found a rock in me since that’s how I lost my mom too.

“They’re here!” I could hear Jere shout as Seven parked, I was first out of the door, he ran towards me like a mad man, his arms flew around me and he lifted me up into a spin.

“Finally you’re here!” He said into my hair which made me hold onto him tighter, I’m sure he had meant ‘us’ plural, the Conklins, but who said I couldn’t pretend that was meant for me and only me?

When he put me down I couldn’t help but look into his ocean blue eyes, and his now muscular body, he did say he was going to the gym but I wasn’t expecting this level of commitment. When his eyes met mine his lips pulled into a smirk, not that I was looking at his lips, I just noticed it in the corner of my eyes.

The charm was disenchanted when Belly jogged towards us and Jere ran to give her a bear hug.

“Look who’s all grown up?” He admired her with a huge smile, I guess that was true, I saw Belly every day, so she still looked the same to me as she always has but thinking back on last summer she really has flourished.

“Y/n my love come give me a hug!” That kind, carefree voice pulled me out of my thoughts, I walked in her direction fast, she wore another of her stunning sundresses, and her iconic sunglasses in her hair.

“Susannah! How have you been?” I asked, her fingers brushing down my hair,

“I’ve been missing you! I’m still upset that you didn’t come see us last month” she expressed. I was supposed to come visit Susannah in Boston last month to work on a charity event that was taking place this summer but one of my exams was moved to that week, I would have missed it but it equated to twenty-five of my grade for the year.

“I know, I was so angry when they moved the exam later, but I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time to talk about all that stuff now that we’re here” I hugged her back.

“Beck get your ass over here and give me a hug!” Laurel called out from somewhere behind me. I wasn’t ready to let Susannah go- not yet.

“I do have a surprise for you later” she whispered in my ear before letting me go, her smile bright and I can’t shake off the sparkle in her eye. I nodded and grinned back at her.

Conrad had come out now too, “Y/n hey you alright?” He asked giving me a quick hug before jogging over to Steven.

After all our introductions, the moms went inside and it was time…

“BELLY FLOP!” Steven screamed and they all chased Belly, finally Conrad managed to grab onto her, they carried her all the way to the pool. I’ve always left them to it, even though they didn’t start doing this until she turned 6, on my second summer at Cousins it still felt like it wasn’t really my place.

I didn’t let that ruin the mood though, I followed shortly throwing my phone onto one of the lounge chairs, and rushing over to the pool side,  I watched Belly pull Conrad in. Then I had an idea, the two other boys didn’t notice me behind them so I rushed into them and tackled them, “Welcome Summer!” I yelled, all of us ending in the pool laughing.

Steven poked his head out chocking out some water.

“Breathe Steven, we’re not dragging you to the bonfire in a hospital bed” I laughed, Jere came up from under the water, pushing his curls back with his hands, a cheeky grin covering half his face.

“Y/n/n come here right now,” he chucked coming towards me.

“I don’t think I want to!” I laughed going to turn away.

“Y/N RUN!” Belly shouted to me, I did as she said trying to push my way through the water to the other side of the pool, he swam after me though, grabbing me by my legs and dragging me down, I yelped before resurfacing.

“Payback,” he said and I splashed him with water, “Wow this how you treat me on your first day here, where has the attitude come from huh?” he was being sarcastic so I just rolled my eyes at him, “See I thought you’d run into my arms and beg me to kiss you now that I’ve got my new bod,”

“Don’t say bod ever again,” I cringed at his choice of wording.

“Whatever I know you’re madly in love with me anyway,” he said just brushing me off, I had to stop myself before I continued, my heart and head were in a conflict. My heart blocked out my logical thinking- I wanted nothing more than to kiss him then and there and yet my head knew this was just Jeremiah Fisher, biggest flirt of Cousins Beach.

“Whatever, you’ve got to accept that not everyone is obsessed with you Jere” I said finally, pretending not to care.

“Aw no, come on turn that frown upside down as mom says,” he smiles moving towards me again, using his fingers to lift the corner of my mouth into a smile, his eyes on my lips, my eyes scanning his whole face. “There much better, that’s what I like see,” then he looked back up to my eyes and I couldn’t help but smile for real, how could I not? It was Jeremiah. I don’t know how I wasn’t blushing like crazy.

“This summer is going to be so good,” he said swimming away from me slowly on his back, looking up as if he was imagining all the things that were going to happen, this is when I realised that everyone had gone back inside, I could see them all in the kitchen.

“Summers here are always good,” I replied making my way to the edge, splashing some more water on my face, hopefully cooling myself down.

“Yeah it’s my favourite time of the year,”

“Because you get to spend with meeeeee?” I asked sarcastically.

“Well I was going to say because the moms are too busy to pay attention to me so I get away with pretty much everything but-” he said swimming over.

I opened my mouth, fake offence hanging wide, “Huh- I see how it is Fisher,” I turned away getting out the pool.

“Hey-!” He got out behind me and jogged towards me laying an arm around my shoulder, “You know I’m kidding right?”.

I looked up to him, “You should be glad I like Susannah otherwise I would beat your ass,” I say confidently,

He chuckles and frows his brows, “Even if you didn’t like my mom- which is impossible- you would still beat my ass and she would probably cheer you on, she loves you more than any of us I swear to God,” I laughed back, it was true I did love her and she would be my number one supporter, I remember when we had a fake fighting competition in the living rooms one of the days when I was ten. She was cheering for her sons but when I came onto our DIY rink it was my name she called.

We walked like that towards the house, when we got to the glass doors Jere was about to step in before Laurel stopped him, “You’re not walking like that into your mother’s house you’re not, the floor’s have just been cleaned!” she expressed with a stern face.

“Could you possibly be able to get us towels then?” He pulled a puppy face, curling his lips and batting his eyelashes, he was so childish, but it was so cute even Laur couldn’t resist him- or it was because she really cared about these floors. Now that I’m thinking about it was probably the latter.

He didn’t take his arm away until my aunt passed us towels, then Suze rushed us to get changed for dinner, his room was right next to mine on one side of the corridor, on the other side of mine was Con’s and next to his was Steven’s, poor Belly had her room on the mom’s side of the house.

I didn’t put on anything fancy, just something nice enough for dinner and comfortable enough for the bonfire afterwards.

At the dinner table we all had our set seats, always have, Con and Susannah were at the heads of the table, I sat next to Susannah with Jere opposite me, Belly next to me across from Steven and Laurel sat next to her.

“So, I have a little bit of a surprise for the girls,” Susannah announces a little into the meal, Belly and I immediately turn towards her.

“No Beck how many times have I got to tell you- you don’t have to keep getting them anything-” Laurel expressed.

“Ow stop it- stop it! Don’t be silly,” she said getting up and going to open one of the draws, pulling out two small envelopes. My brows furrows together and a nervous smile snook it’s way onto my face. Belly looked beyond excited.

“Here you go,” she said handing Belly her’s first then mine. My eyes my Jere’s for a second in a questioning manner he just shrugged. By the time I managed to look back down at my envelope Belly had torn into hers and her eyes were sparkling.

“Wow Susannah this-” she started, then I looked down at the note. This was an invitation to be debutante at this year’s debutante ball, I took a deep breath before meeting a few eyes around the table, the last ones I focused on were Susannah’s- she looked so hopeful. Don’t get me wrong I loved a good chance to get dressed up and party but being a deb?

Susannah must have seen the seen the cogs turning in my head because she said, “Please at least consider it… for me?” Her voice pleading.

“Beck those things are expensive I’m not sure-” Laurel started before getting cut off.

“Like I said I this is on me don’t let Laurel sway your decisions, have a sleep on it and then we can talk at breakfast,” she announced confidently, it was going to be as she said it, no one dared to interfere with her.

“Please tell me you’re not actually considering this Deb ball thing,” Jere laughed on the way to the bonfire, Con was the designated driver for the night but I wanted to talk there, it was a beautiful night, the air wasn’t too stuffy and the stars were gleaming tonight. I wanted to take it all in, the sight, the smell, the feeling of the gentle breeze on my skin, naturally Jeremiah volunteered to go with me, the moms would not let me go alone.

“Why not?” My voice turned a little defensive, I didn’t turn to look at him, during the summer I was a lot more laid back then during everyday life, I would almost be one of the guys but I did like some girly things too which Jere seems to forget.

“You’re not like them, dressing up in those ridiculous dresses to impress some crowds,” he brushed the whole idea off.

I didn’t want to argue with him on the first night so I let it slide, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do but seeing Susannah’s excitement and hope was enough to convince me to do just about anything. I changed the topic of the conversation.

We arrived at the party fast, time flies when you walk and talk, Con and Steven were already there, and… Belly? She was sat next to some guy with dark curly hair, I don’t want to interrupt because she looked like she was having fun so I looked at my phone, I was going to message her but I saw a message waiting for me:

I’m at the party, please don’t get mad and tell mom! I’m just catching up with a friend and not drinking!!!! Ok love you!!!!

I laughed at the text and Jere looked over my shoulder to read it. “Laurel is going to kill her when she gets back, she doesn’t even know Belly’s here,” he explained.

“Yeah and then I’ll get in trouble for not telling her,” I continued the train of thought, he shook his head.

“Don’t be a party pooper, look she’s fine! Plus Con will probs have his hawk eyes on her like he always does and if something goes wrong- which it won’t- we blame it on Steven,” he laughed taking my hand and leading me into the heart of the party.

“Deal,” I said making my way to get some drinks, Jere was already getting in some conversation with a group of girls and I did not want to witness anymore of Gigi’s desperate flirting, like that boy has hooked up with more than half of the people our age in Cousins, if he wanted to get with her he would have done it  by now. Then I felt a bit of a stab in my stomach, I don’t know whether that was meant for her or myself. I can’t recall when I started feeling this for Jere I mean he was just my best friend but I knew I had to shut the feeling down.

“You look stunning,” someone said, I turned to my left, it was Noah, at first I turned around thinking he was speaking to someone else, “Yes I meant you Y/n” he laughed and then pulled me into a hug. Noah was quite a close friend of Con’s so I knew him quite well, he had even kissed me once in a game of spin the bottle. Then last year we went out a few times because I couldn’t handle Jeremiah going out with different girls all the time. It made me feel horrible though, like I was using Noah. He was a lovely boy, he deserved to have everything with a girl, so we didn’t speak much after the summer.

“Thank you Noah, you don’t look too bad yourself- how have you been?” I asked taking him all in, he had grown a little taller, probably Con’s height, and his hair had grown out to a perfect length, and he had abs… he wasn’t wearing a shirt which was pretty distracting but I worked hard to keep my eyes trained on his face.

“Yeah I’ve been good, it’s great to see you- I’ve missed you over the year,” he said, I wasn’t sure whether he as just saying that for the sake of it but he sounded sincere enough, “I still wonder why you wanted to cut stuff off so abruptly last summer,” he said picking up his own drink, “Was there someone else?” he didn’t seem angry or annoyed just genuinely interested.

My throat dried up a little and for a second I wasn’t sure what white lie to use, “I just wasn’t sure what I wanted, summer was ending and we both have lives outside of Cousins if you know what I mean,” I ran my hand through my hair making it fall back onto my face, framing around my eyes, a certain blonde with blue eyes appearing in the forefront of my mind.

“Do you wanna like sit down, catch up a bit?” he asked pointing towards the sand a little closer to the water, I turned to Jeremiah automatically, he had his arm around two girls and he was smiling biting his bottom lip, his eyes on the girl’s to the left lips, with my best happy face I nodded to Noah.

We talked for what felt like hours, and we just kept drinking, taking turns to go get more for the both of us, it was Noah’s turn when I looked at my phone it had just hit midnight, brushing the hair out my face again I scanned the crowd finding Belly easily still sitting talking to that boy, wearing a hoodie that I’ve never seen before, Con was sat with a girl who was wearing a red cap but his eyes escaped to look at Bells every few seconds, they’re both oblivious twats. Then there was Jere slow dancing with a short haired brunette, keeping her close and cozy. I would have stared at them forever if Noah hadn’t brought me back to reality.

“This is nice huh? Listen I’m going to be honest, I want to give us another go, maybe if you’d be up for it? I only live an hour and a bit away from your actual house and I can always drive if we wanted to make us work,” his eyes lit up when they met mine, I’m unsure whether it was because the moon had found the perfect place or because he was hopeful I’d say yes.

I wasn’t expecting that to come out of tonight, It would be so easy to fall back into this routine, letting my heart race for the Fisher boy but escaping to Noah when the heartache became too big to carry anymore. That would mean I was using him and that wouldn’t be fair on him, unless I finally got over my silly little crush on Jere, which by the looks of it I really needed to.

I stared out into the water, there was small waves hitting the sand, the reflection of the moon was gleaming in the night sky, “Hey,” he said resting his fingers on my chin and making me look towards him, “if you don’t want to just say, but I just needed to get it off my chest, we could just try it, if you’re still not feeling it in a few days then we can stop,”

I opened my mouth to say something when I heard gasps behind me, naturally I strained to look at what had happened- there I was Belly on the floor and Conrad aiming his fists at some guy’s face, I flashed my eyes back to Noah.

“Sorry,” I said before standing up and running towards Belly, some girl from the country club helped me lift my cousin up from the sand. In no time Jere and Steven were over pulling Conrad away from the other guy, it was the weird man from the gas station. Steven put his arm around Belly while Jere led Con towards the car. This night was getting worse by the minute. I pointed the middle finger to that guy and began walking towards the car.

It was a few moments before I felt someone walking behind me, it was Noah.

“Look Noah right now is not a good time,” I tried to say, keeping a polite smile.

“I know, I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay, I know you tend to put everything that goes wrong on your shoulders but this isn’t on you,” he said, it brought a small smile to my face, he really did remember, maybe he did care.

“Thank you, but really I’m fine,”

“Okay, I’ll walk you to the car,” he reassured me, I was half thankful we were parked a few minutes walk away but I still didn’t feel quite safe walking there by myself in the dark so I just nodded to him and let him talk about a project he was doing over the summer. I could image myself with him, he was nice and not bad looking if I squinted and tried enough there could possibly be something there.

A lot faster than I thought the Fisher’s red jeep appeared in my sight, “The car is looking a bit full,” Noah said sheepishly, Conrad was in the back laying across the seats, his head on Steven’s shoulder, “I can always give you a ride,” he suggested and all of a sudden it didn’t seem like such a bad idea, everyone in the jeep seemed tense and I didn’t want to add that to my headache.

I was considering my answer when Jere spotted us, he had just gotten out the car, “I was just coming to get you, I didn’t know where we lost you,” his smile fell a little when he spotted Noah, “Hey Noah man! How you been? Thanks for walking Y/n to the car,” he said quickly putting an arm around me, I could tell he didn’t want to continue the conversation much longer.

“Hey- yeah it’s good to see you too it’s been a while huh? Yeah I didn’t want her to walk alone since you guys rushed off,” I could hear a sip of accusation in his voice, he knew how Jeremiah was, he was a caring boy but at the end of the day he was still a boy only thinking about having fun and nothing else.

“Yeah anyway,” Jere brushed him off pulling me closer towards me, “Ok lets get in the car Y/n”

“Jere-”

“Please get in the car,” he had a finality in his tone that I didn’t know he possessed, I didn’t appreciate him telling me what to do but I knew that Belly was waiting for me in there, everyone in that car was ready to get back to the summer house.

“It was good seeing you again Y/n/n” Noah started and the curly haired blonde frowned a bit at his use of the nickname, only close people ever used it, “Text me when you get home, andwhen you’ve thought about what I said,” he continued and stood stuck in place watching me go towards the car, he didn’t move until he saw that I was sat there with my belt on.

We all got yelled at when we got back into the house, Laurel was sat on the porch with her glass of wine, shaking her head as we pulled into the drive, but the anger in her face rose even more when she saw Belly and then Conrad.

“Belly are insane? Getting in what- some king of fight?” she started, firstly making eye contact with each of us before settling on Belly.

“It wasn’t her it was me,” Con’s voice rose in the air, Laurel’s eyes shifted to him immediately.

“You’re supposed to be the oldest Conrad I’m less than impressed with you tonight, with all of you in fact, you should be glad all of you are fine and alive who would have known what could have happened tonight. Everyone into bed now, we will talk about this in the morning,” her voice was stern. We all started heading inside.

“Y/n/n wait up for a second,” she said so I stopped in my tracks, she waited until everyone else was inside before she spoke up again.

“Let’s sit down for a minute huh? Just you and me,” Laurel said while taking her seat on the porch, I took a deep breath before lowering myself to the ground hoping she wasn’t going to comment on the stink of alcohol on me, suddenly I regretted drinking as much as I did. I look up to Laur, I always have and not just because she took me in but because she was a strong-willed but loving woman, her self-control and level headedness was something I wanted to achieve- I hated to disappoint her.

“Look I know that I haven’t always been able to provide everything for you, especially in the recent years with my divorce with your uncle, it’s just been pretty much me supporting you three growing monsters,” I chucked at her endearment, she didn’t look at me, she chose the drive instead.

I interrupt her before she continues, even though I know she hates when anyone does that, “You’ve done and are doing more than anyone could ever ask of you,” I say, have I acted ungrateful? “You’ve treated me like one of your own children and given me so much love- I don’t need anything more,” I reassure her, this time she does look at me, tears in the corners of her eyes, I want to know what has sparked this conversation.

She pulls my hands into her and places them into her lap, she rushes her fingers over mine, soothing me or maybe herself, “Oh Y/n I love you, you are growing into such a lovely young lady,” she said.

“I love you too, so much- and I only have you to thank, really, and well Susannah as well,” I add pulling a big smile, she pulls me in for a quick hug before getting back to her pervious position.

“Yes about that, I wanted to talk to you about the Debutante ball-”

“I know, I won’t do it, I just felt awful rejecting the invitation at the table when Susannah looked so excited, I know we don’t have the money, and that she offered to pay but-” I started ranting and this is when Laurel’s smile grew bigger than I had ever seen her since her divorce, apart from when she saw Susannah.

“I know I always say you shouldn’t rely on others for well, financial aid but I think it would make Susannah really happy if she had you and Belly do this, or even just one of you, so if you’re up I will be your number one supporter, and well-” she started and then looked back out into space. The silence wasn’t awkward but I hated to see my aunt struggle to say something, this happened so rarely, “I know your mom always wanted you to be a debutante, Amy was always into all that girly stuff,” she explained and I gave her hand a squeeze.

We didn’t talk about my mom often, Laurel’s last memories of her sister were sour especially that she nearly lost Susannah to cancer too.

“Ok lets get inside it’s really late we should both get some sleep,” she said wiping under her eyes, pretending that she wasn’t uspet, I knew better than to prod the matter, instead I took a deep breath before standing up and changing the topic, I told her I saw Noah and she wiggled her eyebrows at me.

She came to my room for a few minutes while I explained what he said to me at the bonfire, she asked, “Well are you going to give him another chance? He really was a lovely boy and from what he said tonight its clear that he genuinely likes you,” but I couldn’t reply, she was right that Noah was almost perfect and his parents too but I couldn’t lie to her when the person my heart beat for was in the room behind the wall. After this she went to her room too, and I laid there with all my windows open and the fan on looking at the ceiling wondering what to do, it was only the first day of the summer and I was already confused. The very thing I didn’t want to be.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

 I got greeted with ‘good mornings’ as I walked into the kitchen the next morning, everyone seemed to already be mulling around, Susannah and Laurel were drinking their coffees at the table, Belly on the opposite side looking through some magazine. Con was laying on the couch in the other front room while Jeremiah and Steven were working on the magic hangover soup.

I was feeling better than I expected after last night’s fiasco, Con’s fight sobered me up real quick, that’s when the emotions and events of last night started to flood in.

“Morning everyone,” I said sitting at the table, before I could say anything else I had a bowl of cereal and a drink placed in front of me. I didn’t need to turn around to know who had placed it there, he kissed the top of my head, “There you go sleepyhead,” Jere said walking back over to Steven. I couldn’t pull the smirk off of my face and I said “thanks” not that he heard it anyway.

“Susannah,” I started, her whole face lit up and she faced me with that beautiful smile of hers, “I have decided to be a Debutante this year,” her mouth opened wide I swear I could even hear as small gasp, she was out of her chair and pulling her arms around me in no time at all.

“Ah! This is so exciting! I’m so glad- we’re going to have so much fun! We have to shop and find you an escort! This is going to be wonderful!” she exclaimed, I looked towards Laurel who smiled too and gave me a supporting nod.

“Actually I have decided that I wanted to be a deb too,” Belly announced though she sounded unsure in her decision. This went from an expensive deal to a really expensive deal, I was sure that Belly would decide against it, that was one of the main reasons I agreed, so Susannah would have at least one of us but I just couldn’t let her pay for both of us.

“That’s amazing!” I exclaimed, I was happy for her truly, I was just going to have to tell Susnnah in private that I changed my mind or make up some other reason for backing out, even though a part of me actually really wanted to do it.

“Well, what a fantastic way to start the morning! So who’s going to be Y/n’s escort and who Belly’s?” Suze asked with much enthusiasm.

“I went last year!” Con announced, I remember the way me, Belly and Laurel looked through all the pictures Susannah sent to us after the ordeal last year, Belly flushed at each one while I laughted at how uncomfortable he looked in most of them.

“And I swore off balls!” Jere announced from behind me, I couldn’t turn to look at him, I wanted him to be my escort and he just crushed that, not that it mattered because I wasn’t going to do it anymore anyway.

“Steven?” Suze asked as a last resort.

He chuckled before answering, “I’m escorting someone else,” at this we all gasped and Jeremiah burst into a fit of laughter.

“Let me guess you let Shayla tangle you into this business,” he laughed.

“Who’s Shayla?” Laurel asked.

“Maybe she did, but who am I to say no to a pretty girl I like?” he asked pulling a ‘I’m a winner here’ face before walking out of the kitchen.

“Well it seems like all the Conklins are going to be involved this year, you Fisher boys have something to look up to,” Suze said.

“It doesn’t matter anyway because I’m planning on finding my own date,” Belly said standing up, dropping the magazine onto the table and heading upstairs. She was probably going to ask that guy from the bonfire last night.

“We’re off to thee country club, our first shift boys!” Jere announced sipping some more of his coffee, I couldn’t get my eyes off him, his aura intoxicating like a drug.

“Yeah bro!” Steven ran over and fist bumped Jere, “We’re gonna be so rich this summer!” he exclaimed grabbing the car keys off of the kitchen island.

“Don’t worry Y/n/n we’ll do something when I get back so don’t get too sad,” he messed up my hair by rushing his hand through it, an annoyed expression played out on my face.

“I was actually looking forward to some peace and quiet,” I said nonchalantly, he feigned shock and hurt, I burst into a laugher and closed my eyes in the progress.

“Yeah whatever, I finish at four so be ready by then,” he explained before kissing the top of my head, I felt my body go stiff at the motion, but it didn’t look like anyone else noticed thankfully. He’s done it before, that and pushing my hair behind my ears were his favourite hobbies during the summer, and probably to whatever girl he’s got at home for the rest of the year. But I didn’t want to think about that particularly.

“I’m going surfing,” Con announced dropping his now empty glass into the dishwasher and rushing up the stairs. And so all the boys from the summer house disappeared, it was much quieter without them. I was going to take a job up this summer too but Laurel seemed adamant that I should just take the time to enjoy myself this summer, next year I’ll be busy applying collages.

“Looks like it’s just us girls today then,” Susannah said before taking another sip of her drink and smiling at Laurel and I.

Quick footsteps rush downstairs we all turn our heads when Belly rushes in, wearing some of the new clothes she got specifically for this summer, to impress Conrad I thought, but he was going surfing and she was just going to be spending the day with us…

“Actually I’m meeting Cam today so it’ll just be you three, ok love youuuuu but I’ve got to go! I’ll message see you later!” she ran out the back door and grabbed her bike before any of us as much as moved a muscle.

“Who’s Cam?” Laurel asked confused, running her fingers over her forehead.

“A new boyyyyyy?” Suze asked leaning across the table towards me, Laur’s eyes followed to me too.

I chuckled grabbing my bowl and lifting up from my seat, “She met his last night at the bonfire- or well she actually met him at that Latin convention a few years ago for the first time or something, that’s what she told my yesterday anyway”

“Aww our Belly is growing up, do you think she’ll ask him to the dance?” Suze asked with hopeful eyes.

My aunt’s eyes tried their best to not travel in my direction, she had been sure, as had I, that Belly would decide against being a debutant. I wasn’t about to let any of this upset me, I put on a smile, I was excited for her. I pulled my eyes back to Susannah “Maybe!”

“Right let’s go shopping! We can pick some things out for Belly when we get there too,”

“She’s going to hate that,” I said with a devilish grin.

“As much as I love her growing into a beautiful young lady and finding a summer romance she still just blew us off for the boy, we are better company I can assure! So it’s her own fault,” she exclaimed also getting up and putting her mug in the dishwasher, “Well come on we don’t have all day!”

“Except that we do Susannah,” I pointed out

“Yes but not for waiting around! For shopping, come on!” she grabbed onto my arm and pulled me towards the door, grabbing hold of her sunhat and purse.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

 We had been walking around the town for two hours when we stopped at a little café to grab some cold smoothies.

“I can’t believe we haven’t found anything you like yet! You looked gorgeous in so many things!” Susannah exclaimed sipping out of her straw, removing her iconic sunglasses.

That wasn’t exactly true I had loved a few bits and pieces that we found but things we picked out for Belly also had nice price tags, I had seen them but Laurel has not- thankfully- though she will probably make me relay them to her later.

“I’m just going to use the restroom before we continue,” Laurel excuses herself rushing to a nearby public toilet, I took this as a good time to talk to Susannah. I turn to her quickly opening my mouth to speak, but before I can she grabs my hand and stands up.

“Lets go!” she giggled jogging from the table, I quickly manage to grab my phone before we’re rushing off.

“But where are we going?” I ask laughing.

“To try on dresses of course!”

“But what about Aunt Laurel?” I ask frantically.

“She’ll find us- live a little!” she exclaimed, I took a deep breath and let out a full laugh as she pulled me behind her.

We were both out of breath when we arrive at a fancy looking shop, most of the dresses in the windows look like wedding dresses, they are all so beautiful. After a second of a breather she pulled my hand towards the entrance.

“Susannah before we go in we should really talk about something,” I say cautiously.

“We have plenty of time to talk, time to try on dresses is what we’re losing right now, Jere said he wanted to take you out at four so time is passing!” she exclaimed.

“Since when do you let the boys dictate your time?” I ask with a sly grin.

“I don’t usually but” she took a short pause, looking for her next words, “It’s summer,” she said.

We walked around, Suze was suggesting lots of dresses, when she noticed my pattern of ‘no’s and weary looks she started picking out dresses without waiting for my opinion, one of the workers came over. She greeted Susannah with a kind smile, Suze really does know everyone in Cousins Beach, and with no surprise everyone loves her.

“Here let me help you with these,” the young woman said and started to carry the dresses into one of the changing rooms. Susannah followed behind her, and I was behind her.

“Susannah I really appreciate this but we need to talk before I try these on,” I really didn’t want to try any of them on for the fear that I really would fall in love with one of them and that would just add to the little panful vein of jealously that ran through me.

“Y/n just go put one on Laurel is on her way to the shop now, we can surprise her with one!” she exclaimed, again before I could argue the shop assistant guided me to the changing room.

I felt stiff and uncomfortable in the first dress, by the time I had stepped out my aunt was sat in the seat next to Susannah, I was expecting to see some kind of angry expression but all I could see was a sad smile.

“No I can already see from the way that you’re walking that it’s not the one. Next!” the blonde exclaimed, I couldn’t help but smile at her. And so I did as she asked and went to put on the next one, and then the next and then the next. After about nine dresses I was exhausted.

“Laurel would you be a gem and go find out about their hat colour palettes?” Susannah asked her best friend, but I could see from the expression behind her eyes that there was some other motive, when my aunt disappeared Susannah stood up, I opened the changing room door to show her there were no other dresses.

“Is now the time to talk?” I asked with a hint of, not annoyance, but tired eagerness.

“No not yet, I saw this dress two years ago and asked them to store it away for a small fee, I remember that summer you had left earlier for some reason and I had come in here just looking around and it was centre of the shop of a mannequin. The second I saw it I thought of you, my little, well not so little anymore Y/n/n. It would mean I lot to me if you would try it on” her voice had turned so sincere, I couldn’t believe it, she didn’t actually have something put away for me… and she paid to have it put away, here was to hoping that Belly would like it.

A different worker, this one with short coppery hair brought out a black bag, her teeth shined a perfect white as she placed the bag in the changing room. She said she’d assist me as the back of the dress was a bit of ‘guess where this piece of material goes’ game.

Even as I was sliding the material on this one felt different to all the other dresses, maybe it was a placebo effect because of what Susannah had told me? I tried to shake the giddy feeling off. When the worker was done helping me out she said she’d announce me to Susannah.

I took a deep breath as the lady said my name, Suze started cheering and I stepped out onto the platform, the blonde looked like she was about to faint, or cry, or scream I couldn’t quite tell which and it was making me anxious.

“Turn around dear,” she encouraged standing up, for a second I couldn’t believe it was myself I was looking at, “You look beautiful,” she smiled, I closed my eyes and turned back around, Susannah looked a little taken aback.

“This is one of the most beautiful and luxurious things I’ve ever worn, or even laid my eyes on,” the dress material was quite simple but there was delicate lace details, and the back of the dress was open with thin criss-cross details where I definitely would have put my arms if not the assistant’s help.

“I knew you would love it! I will let you in on a little secret, it’s a newer model of my debutante dress, the one I wore was the designer’s first dress and this one was her last,” she looked reminiscent...

“But I need to speak to you about something important, and before you say now is not the time I really need to say it,” I let the words rush out of my mouth like a tsunami claiming land as its own, Susannah sat back down, I sat beside her. She looked concerned now, she nodded me to go on.

“Susannah I love you with all my heart and more and you know that,” I start.

“Yes,” She replied.

“And I would do everything in my power to make you happy and proud, but I can’t let you pay my way though this debutante ordeal.”

“Y/n I already said I was more than willing to pay for you and you had agreed, this is nothing, there is no price on seeing my girl in a white dress…” there was a pause before she continued in a hurry “alongside other beautiful, maturing young women,” she argued grabbing a hold of my hand.

“I know, and I will never be thankful enough that you see me in this kind of light, really, but I know you haven’t given back the invitations yet so you can give in Belly’s and we can just misplace mine, we’ve spent some pretty coins today on just outfits for Belly and that’s not even with her white dress, which I’m sure is not cheap.” Susannah let go of my hand I could feel my heart break to pieces, “Plus I think Belly would love this dress,”.

“This is not Belly’s dress,” she then took a deep breath whilst standing up, all of a sudden I felt like a nine year old again getting the ‘I’m not angry I’m just disappointed’ talk from Laurel and Susannah alongside Conrad and Jeremiah for breaking one of Susannah’s favourite glass vases. I stood up too, trying to eliminate that pesky feeling. She ran her delicate fingers over her forehead and exhaled another sigh.

Right then Laurel walked in, “What’s going on here?” she asked before realising what conversation must have just occurred.

“We are just getting ready to leave, I’m not feeling very well, I’m sure we can come back in tomorrow or the day after, maybe Belly will grant us some time of day too. Sandra could please have the dress put back for me I will be in contact with you in the next few days,” she gave a semi-convincing smile before rushing outside, Laurel followed behind her.

The ride home was painfully quiet, Susannah’s previous excitement was completely gone now, I felt horrible, it was all because of me, now I really wish I did take that summer job then maybe I could have scraped enough to pay for the clothes and the dress and make it to the ball like Cinderella. When we arrived back at the summer house it had just hit about four, both Susannah and I excused ourself to our rooms.

I fell onto my bed, I wanted to sink under the covers and disappear. I had been in bed for no longer than 20 minutes when my door was pushed widely open and footsteps came closer to my bed.

“Not now Belly,” I announced not looking up. Except it wasn’t Belly, when my duvet was ripped from my head it was Jeremiah who smiled at me.

“Good afternoon to you too sleephead!” he said grabbing onto my arm trying to lift me, when I wasn’t budging he sat down and brushed my hair out my face, “Aw no what happened?”

“I’ve just got a headache,”

“Well get rid of it because we’re going swimming! Plus I found this awesome spot the other day where we can have a picnic with all the good snacks I brought on the way home,” he smiled expectantly. Even though I disappointed Susannah today there was no way I couldn’t give in for Jere, at least I could take my mind off of everything else.

When he had said we’re going swimming I assumed the pool, but he had meant the lake, we took out a canoe, there was no one else on the lake, it was still the early days of summer so everyone was still settling in. It was all peaceful until Jere decided to start swaying the canoe back and forth really fast.

“Jere you’re going to tip us over,”

“That’s the plan, whoever gets back on the canoe first wins!” he announces before jumping out and flipping it over. I squeal the water freezing even under the boiling sun, I rushed to the canoe which he had already flipped over and shoved him out the way, holding tight onto the wood kicking my feet.

Jere splashed water into my face and managed to get in first, cheering in a triumphant noise. He stood up, what a fool, I stared shaking the canoe under him and he couldn’t find his balance, all I had to do was lean the wood upwards slightly and he was back in the water. This time I knew payback was coming so I started swimming further away from him. His legs and arms longer than mine, and stronger-he caught up with me fast. Picking me up bridal style, we hit the part of the lake where he was stood comfortably on the ground, water up to his neck. His muscles felt toned under my finger tips and I tried my best to keep my eyes focused on his face but the tingling in my stomach was a swarm of butterflies. He held me bridal style and gave his signature smirk before chucking himself backwards with me still in his arms, I held tight onto his neck.

While all this was happening we didn’t quite realise how far into the lake the canoe had drifted, “That’s your fault!” I announced splashing him again, when he let me go.

“No wayyyy! It was you who toppled me over and then left!” he splashed back before grabbing my arm and pulling me closer to him. Just because. He simply likes when I’m near- he admitted that to me over one of our late night calls, he had a little bit to drink but that’s when he’s the most honest. I never asked him about it again though- I couldn’t risk that being some drunk slur, instead I let myself drift towards him in every room, and allow him to pull me closer.

“Should have grabbed the canoe before chasing me then!” I said and he just shook his head before diving under, I look around for him but couldn’t see him until… Suddenly I was in the air on his shoulders, his hands on my thighs, I looked down at him, brushing his hair out his face. A tingly feeling in the bottom of my stomach.

“Last person to the canoe has to drive home!” he shouted before throwing me off. He knew I hated driving after swimming. He let me win of course. He didn’t mind driving plus he’d never let me do anything I hated… not really, unless it was actually necessary.

When the sun started to set we got back onto the bank, tied the canoe back onto the car and sat down on a blanket, pulling out some snacks and drinks out the mini fridge. The wind decided to be a pain in the ass this evening. I had only worn my shorts and a tank top which I was now regretting wearing.

Jere must have seen me shiver because he threw his grey hoodie at me, I took it with a quiet thanks, he did this a lot. So we sat and talked and talked and talked. We had finished all the food but it was too peaceful to ruin. We both ended up laying down eventually looking up at the colourful sky, there was shades of pinks, oranges and yellows.

“Hey Jere,” I said after a few minutes of quiet, he turned his face to look at me, “Did you- I mean, will you be my escort at the Deb ball?” my voice shaky, I knew I wasn’t going to go but I just wanted to know, if I was doing it would my asking him be enough to break his ‘no balls’ oath.

His face scrunched up and he let out a laugh, “Sorry I actually thought you were being serious for second!” he exclaimed sitting up.

I felt as though I had been punched in the stomach. Now I wish I hadn’t asked. He took a pause after I sat up, I was so tangled up in the hit that I forgot to laugh, to give into his joke.

“You were being serious?” he asked quickly, looking back onto the lake, “Y/n/n listen… I uh,”

“No it’s fine it was a stupid question, I’m not doing it anyway I just wanted to prank you!” I said in a lifting tone but I think he could see right through me, it felt as though he could see all under my skin, “We should get back though or Laurel might kill us, Belly’s friend Cam’s coming for that movie marathon tonight right?” I said with a smile, keeping the tone of my voice even.

He looked distracted when he replied, “Uh, yeah, yeah you’re right,” he replied.

We packed everything up quickly, we played music in the car as if nothing happened, but the tension still slightly hung in the air, we didn’t talk much. When we arrived everyone was already in the living room.

“Just in time!” Susannah said when we walked in, I met Steven’s eyes which lit up when he saw Jere. I said hello to everyone and excused myself to get changed, Jere followed behind me, on the way up the stairs I removed his jumper and went to pass it back to him, “Thank for this,” I said again but he didn’t take it.

“You can keep it I’ve got plenty,” he assured me with a smile. This he has never done, he always let my wear his hoodies whenever I want even here at home but never let me keep any. Maybe he feels guilty- I hated that.

We were halfway through the second movie, the moms sat together on one couch, Cam and Belly on the other squished up on side so I could sit on the other. Jere and Steven on the floor. Conrad left after the first movie, my intuition told me it had something to do with the cuddling pair next to me. My eyes were distracted from the movies too. Every so often travelling to a certain curly haired blonde. I sighed and got up, moving towards the kitchen. Susannah entered after me.

“Y/n/n dear,” she said sitting down next to me, I took a sip of water before looking towards her.

“What is it?” I asked with a smile.

“I can see right through that sad smile and you know it!” she whispered and took my hand, “I know you said that you didn’t want to be a debutante because of the expenses, but if it wasn’t because of that, and lets say it was due to a little ignorant blonde curly haired Fisher boy, don’t let him put you off. You’ve done plenty of things that would make you a wonderful debutante and think about how well it would look on collage applications,” I went to stop her but she pulled the ‘let me finish’ face, so I did, “You deserve this, a reward, you’re beautiful with a good heart, you have to live a little, every boy in cousins will want to be your escort,” she said with a smile, the smile that tugged at all my heart strings.

I could only nod at her, tears building up in the corners of my eyes, she pulled me into an embrace, I’ve been working so hard my whole life, trying so hard to give back for the amazing family I have, to make them proud, and my mom too and sometimes it still felt as though it wasn’t enough.

“Thank you Susannah,” that was for everything she had done for me not just the deb thing or today.

“Alright no need to be sad anymore, I’ll be taking Belly’s acceptance in the morning so let me know what you want to do then, just think that the dress will always be yours, now lets get back in there ok?” she smiled holding out her arms which I gladly fell.

I gave Susannah my acceptance response in the morning, I had agreed with her that I would pay back at least some of the money when I come stay with her in February to work on a series of charity events. She shook hands with me on it and embraced me, making me smile.

 .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

 Few weeks had passed and whilst Jeremiah and I had found our center again I found myself spending more time with Noah than my best friend, and today he was coming over for dinner, during which Susannah had encouraged me to ask him to be my escort as dance lessons were beginning tomorrow. He was the obvious choice as we were seeing each other, and yet I was wary, it’s not like I even wanted Jere to be my escort anymore- even if he changed his mind. A Lie. I changed my outfit for the forth time before making my way downstairs.

Noah and I usually hung out around town, at the beach or his house. Not that I didn’t want to be at the summer house, I just didn’t want to see Jeremiah when I was with Noah, nervous about how I’d react and moreover how he would. He’d probably be nonchalant as he had been every time someone brought Noah up, or the few times we’d all hung out as a group.

The table was set, Taylor- who had come to visit for a few days- was sat at the table next to Belly, Steven sat next to her. Conrad was helping his mom bring some last bits before taking a seat at one side of the table opposite her. Jeremiah was sat opposite me, the seat next to mine empty and the one next to it was taken by Laurel.

“I’m so glad you did decide to invite Noah tonight,” Susannah announced taking her seat with a smile. I gave a weak one back as a reply. I didn’t really want to invite him but after days of pleas I couldn’t come up with anymore excuses, plus I needed to ask him to be my escort- Jeremiah had rejected the idea- and Noah would be hurt if I didn’t ask him. Things were good between us. Stable. Not adventurous like Jere and I were but it was good. It was ok.

“Yeah we’re all so glad to see him!” Jere said not meeting my eyes across the table, sarcasm dripping from him like paint off a brush.

“Are you asking him to be your escort tonight?” Belly asked and Taylor wiggled her brows at me, I felt my cheeks blush and I ran my finger through my hair. Belly had already asked Cam to be her escort a few days ago, she was updating me on all her Conrad gossip but I didn’t comment- they needed to figure it out themsleves.

“Yeah, I’ll take him for a walk to the beach after dinner, it’s simple but-”

“It’s a you thing and that’s what he’ll appreciate,” Susannah said, and just as she did the doorbell rang.

“Speaking of the devil,” Connie said, shuffling to get up, before he was fully stood I shot up from my chair and sped walk towards the door, I could hear him teasing me.

I twisted the key and opened the door, there he was, he leant down to give me a quick peck and I begged to feel something- anything! Still there was nothing, I felt as though I was kissing a mere friend, weirdly. He laid his hand of my lower back as I led him through to the dinning room.

Everyone greeted him with warm smiles and everyone quickly settled for food.

“So what are you planning to take at college?” Laurel asked and I wanted to shoot her dagger eyes, this really wasn’t the time for an interview.

“Uh so I’m currently deciding between medicine and law, but learning towards medicine, my aunt’s a doctor and she’d always been a huge inspiration of mine, she saved a little boy at the scene of an accident, when the ambulance arrived they said he wouldn’t have made it if she wasn’t there,” the candour in his voice giving him such sincerity.

“That’s amazing,” Susannah said taking a sip of her drink, I stopped, looking at Jeremiah rolling his eyes across the table- I tried my best to ignore him but at some point Noah started noticing the little stupid reactions too and I suddenly felt embarrassed of the blonde’s actions. If I hadn’t known better I would have said that Jeremiah was jealous but that couldn’t have been the case.

At his twentieth eyeroll I’d had enough, I took a deep breath and turned to Noah, “Hey did you want to take a walk down onto the beach?” I put on my biggest smile hoping he’d understand I wanted to leave.

He laid his hand on my thigh and his eyes looked clearly at me, he was reading my face and for a minute too long because Jere’s eyes followed Noah’s hand placement, “Yeah I’d like that,”

“Great let me just change into some leggings,” I said quickly getting up, getting away from Noah’s hand contact. It wasn’t cold so I didn’t really have to change but I needed a break from him- and Jeremiah.

I was half way up the stairs when I heard a voice say, “I’m just going to run to the toilet really fast,” I paused just to be greeted with the Blonde that decided to show his attitude tonight. At this I sped up my journey up.

“Y/n let me talk to you really quick,” he whispered following me.

“Later Jere I want to get to the beach before it gets too late,” I close my door behind me, searching through one of my draws when he barges in behind me, I scoff, he knows I hate when people come in without knocking.

“Ow come on please,” he begged, when I turned around he was showing his puppy eyes, lips pouting. This time I rolled my eyes, finding my leggings in my draw.

“After that show downstairs? No. We can talk when I get back,” I said more assured this time.

“Y/n/n come onnnnn,” he said grabbing my arms and pulling me towards him, I could smell some alcohol on him, had he been drinking before dinner?

I didn’t have the energy to pull out of his grip, “What do you need Fisher?” I huffed, I didn’t like calling him by his surname and he didn’t seem to like it either, it wasn’t personal enough, the sad expression on his face made me regret it even more.

“Don’t ask him to be your escort,” he stated simply, I took a double take before moving some hair out of my face.

“Why not?” I asked furrowing my brows, he just shrugged and looked down, “I need someone to go with, I asked you Jeremiah and you said no,” I reminded him and he took a deep breath as if the memory stung him, “Was there anything else you needed?” I asked quietly, it was so unlike him to be this unresponsive, it’s unnerving.

He shook his head but didn’t move, we just looked at each other, “Are you coming?” Noah’s voice echoed from downstairs, it brought me back to reality. Yet I didn’t want to be brought back into it not when I could have stayed and looked into Jeremiah’s eyes for a little longer.

“Yeah!” I shouted quickly, rushing to the bathroom. Jere was already downstairs at the table when I came down. We had been at the beach for about an hour before I asked Noah- his reaction was polar opposite to Jere’s and that felt more like a stab to the chest than my best friend’s rejection. Noah’s smile extended bigger than I thought possible, he lifted me into an embrace and swung me around like Jere had the day we arrived. When he put me down he answered, “Yes! Of course yes! I would be honoured,” he exclaimed.

The kitchen was empty upon our return, Noah kissed me goodbye by the front door and I watched as he drove out the driveway, an uneasy weight on my chest. I brushed my hand through my hair and made my way upstairs. Tomorrow was the first dance rehearsal and I need energy- at least that was my excuse to not watch a film with Susannah and Laurel.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

 Another two weeks had passed and the ball was becoming closer and closer which consequently meant so was the end of the summer. It was a strange feeling, it was the same feeling every year. These last three months we spent here were going to become just that, a few months spent here. I brushed the throught off as we were getting ready to leave for another party, this one was at Trevor’s house a couple of roads down.

Noah wasn’t going to be there, he was going with is parents to some convention a town over but he told me that I should go, that I shouldn’t miss out on the fun on his account. Jere was the one to convince me, he said there was going to be a bounce house and I had been suggesting we get one at a party for years.

There was an array of drinks all around the house, most people were already intoxicated when we arrived, not that any of us minded, that’s what made it all so much more entertaining.  I was devastated to find out that there was no bounce house though.

“I had to get you out of the house somehow! You never come out to parties with us anymore unless Noah’s there,” he said with puppy eyes hanging onto my arm.

“I’ve been to very single party held this year,” I confront him, all the kids went to all the parties so naturally Noah did too, he had loads of friends here as well.

“Yeah whatever, but you’ve been neglecting partying with you best friend,” he argued.

“Jere whenever we went to parties together you ditched me for a hook-up,” I said raising my eyebrows, digging the knife deeper into my own heart, but I needed to say it because it was true, I needed to keep reminding myself.

“When have I done that?” he asked.

“Last year, at pretty much all the parties,” I said picking up a can of fruit beer.

“Yeah because you were too busy with Noah to see me,” he contradicted, but that wasn’t true, not exactly, Noah spoke to me for the first time when Jere ditched me for a hook up and I was stood like a loner because Con didn’t want to come to the party and Belly was too young (Steven was ill at time, in bed with summer fever). This happened another three times before I decided enough was enough. I had a perfectly perfect boy here, so I wouldn’t let Jere be the reason I hung out with him. I started dipping parties with Noah before Jere could tell me he was going, this way hurt less.

“Whatever, no matter what I say you’ll argue, I just want to have some fun,” I said taking a swing of a shot before walking over to where everyone was dancing. I think I ended up drinking too much because Jere and I ended up back on our private part of the beach behind the house. I had his hoodie on and his arms was around me and we just sat watching the waves in the night.

I was always more vulnerable when drunk, so when he Jere look at me, it felt like he was looking at me for the first time- properly. His eyes went to my lips and then back to my eyes. And then again.

“Jere-” I tried to put some power into my voice but it came out as a pathetic whisper, his hand travelled to the side of my face, brushing my cheek. Not saying a thing.

Suddenly I was feeling hot, and the air around us was warmer than before, the jumper suffocating me. He was inching towards me and I couldn’t push myself to stop him. I didn’t want this to happen like this, under the influence, I had to admit to myself that I wanted to him. But I wanted him sober, when he was actually in control of his actions.

“Jere” I tried again but he didn’t stop, I could feel his breath on my lips when my phone started ringing, he moved back slightly, his hand still on my cheek, I pulled my phone out the pocket of his jumper. It was Noah. This made Jeremiah moved completely away, the loss of warmth made me feel unsafe, alone against the world.

I hovered my thumb of the red ��decline’ button, but then took a deep breath, I needed to be rational we weren’t eleven year olds anymore, now actions had real consequences. So without as much as a look towards Jere I answered.

“Hello,” I said, my voice still shaky, Jere turned to me, his eyes hurt, “Yeah no I’m fine, yes I’m home, we’re sat out back now, all of us just chilling, ok, yes I will do ok. Ok I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye.” I said before putting the phone back into my pocket. Now there was a silence.

“Jeremiah,” I started, my voice a whisper once again, he looked at me, looking a little sobered up, “Be my escort to the Deb ball?” before he could reply I rambled, “I know what you were about to do, and I’m not saying I don’t want to- in fact I do, and have wanted to for well… years but not like this. I asked you earlier at the start of summer, you had all of me and rejected me. And if you don’t want me then at least let me be with someone who does,” I announced not breaking the eye contacting for a second.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be your escort, or even about this stupid dance,” I tried not to wince at him calling something that means a lot to me stupid… “Listen I’m drunk and… and I’m glad the phone called what I almost did was a mistake, I just wanted to kiss someone but I didn’t want to ditch you and prove you right,” he said brushing a hand through his hair.

I just nodded, lips pushed together to not let myself fall apart. When saying those words he seemed sober enough. He didn’t want me, or this. Now I actually had my answer.

“Ok, well I’m glad we’ve got that out the way, and that you think so low of me that you were going to kiss me for the mere want to kiss someone, anyone,” I said getting up, I wasn’t annoyed that he rejected me. You can’t control your feelings, I was just angry that he had such little respect for me.

“Stop being such a baby about it Y/n it’s summer, I just want to live a little,” he said laying back on his arms, looking up at me with a grin.

“You’re right, summer’s all fun and no consequences, or at least no thoughts about consequences, sorry that we’re not all just living in your world,”

“I’m not saying it’s my world,”

“It never is,”

“Whatever Y/n you always argue when things aren’t your way, but you don’t see that your way is always the good way,”

“Like I said I’m glad we’re got everything in the air now, you’re a dick,” I said, ripping hid jumper off and throwing it at him and then walked off, I considered calling Noah and asking him to come to the house but I knew that wasn’t fair on him. Jeremiah didn’t follow when I left. When I got home I took all of his hoodies from my room and threw them on his bed, then I went to sleep.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

 I was wearing the white dress, my white dress, my hair braided intricately into a  bun with a small tiara nestled right in the centre, I couldn’t actually believe this was happening, with Belly by my side and Shayla on the other side. The one thing that couldn’t be more wrong was the fact that my best friend was still angry at me, in fairness I was still angry at him.

“Do you think Cam and I will stay in contact after the summer?” A nervous Belly asked from beside me, I haven’t seen her this stressed since the time she failed her third math test in a row and her teacher called Laurel.

“Do you want to stay in contact with him?” I ask lifting my brows.

Her lips curled together and she looked to the ground quickly before answering, “He’s a lovely boy and I’ve really had a good summer with him but- I don’t know how to put it- it’s just, he’s, he’s not-”

“He’s not Conrad?” I finished the sentence, her cheeks glowing a powdery pink, she let out a little sigh.

“It’s not like he’ll ever actually look at me like that anyway,” her smile became sad.

I was about to argue with her, how could she not see that she made his smile that much brighter, everyone looked over at the door when a frantic knocking came from outside.

“I need to talk to Y/n…” all the girls’ eyes looked to me, I swallowed down, “Now would be ideal,” the voice continued, I looked at Belly.

“Speak of the devil” I whispered with an uneasy smile, before rushing toward the door and opening it the smallest bit to make sure the other girls don’t get seen.

“What is it Conrad?” I ask frantically, he doesn’t answer for a second, he looks me up and down.

“You look beautiful Y/n” he says before he returns to reality looking frantic again.

“Thank you Connie but what is so urgent that…”

“Yes! Right- So our lovely Cam Cameron,” the moment he says that boy’s name my heart stops, what’s happened now?- “fell over on the whaling boat and broke his leg a few hours ago, he’s in hospital, his phone somewhere in the ocean...” he exclaims and the mouth falls opens. This has to be some kind of joke. Poor Belly. She must be frantic that he’s not answering her texts, and she’s not told any of us...

“You’re kidding right?” I ask, he wouldn’t joke about something like this, about something this important I know he wouldn’t.

“I wish I was, Laurel and mom don’t know, what are we going to do?”

“You know what has to be done,” I say digging my eyes into his, he shakes his head at first.

“No- she doesn’t want to see me, moreover for me to be her escort,” he whispers because there are definitely some debutante’s listening from the other side of the door.

“Are you insane! Will you two get a grip, she’s so in love with you and you know this! She’s looked up to you her whole life. And- and you look at her like she up the moon and the stars in the sky! There you go it’s all out in the open, you’re going to be her escort! Done and sorted!” I whisper-shouted, he was a bit taken aback but a smile was cracking under his worry, “I won’t tell her so she doesn’t get stressed out, but just be there, show up,” I chide him and he nods.

“Thank you Y/n, you’re amazing thank you so much,” he pulled me into a hug, I let out a relieved sigh.

“We’ve got this,” I say, but I don’t know if I’m reassuring Con or myself.

“I hope you get a grip too though, and Jere,” he announced still in a whisper

I pull away from him with shock in my eyes, “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean you idiot, he loves you, has for years he just doesn’t think he’s enough for you,”

“I told him he was everything I needed at the beginning of summer Con, but he chose hook ups and parties so maybe I’m not enough for him, and that’s ok,” I tell him-

“Y/n he didn’t know what he was doing, he’s not that smart as you’ve noticed” he exclaimed trying to make me feel better so I put on my biggest smile.

“I asked him to be my escort, twice, once in the beginning and once a few days ago, and if he couldn’t commit to a few stupid dances maybe it’ll be better if we don’t try to commit to anything more huh?” I ask rhetorically, he look like he wants to argue but I continue, “Listen Con, I’m a straightforward person ok, we don’t lie to each other, I don’t know where the tide will take me next” or in other words I don’t know if I’ll ever be back in Cousins because this was never my place, not like theirs anyway, “but I know what I want, and I’m done fighting for this so please let’s move on from this and- and just have this one night altogether again. Please,” I said, tears prickling the corners of my eyes, he wraps me in a hug again before we hear the girls shouting my name, it was almost time.

Coming back into the room I have all the eyes on me again, all the girls asking what he wanted, but the only eyes I paid any attention to were Belly’s, she looked so hopeful, I just went up to her and hugged her, tonight one of he biggest birthday wishes was going to come true.

“It’s time!” Gigi exclaimed and all the girls followed her to rush out the door, Belly grabs a hold of my hand but I tell her I need to touch up some lip gloss before I leave, and that’s how get left alone in the dressing room. I look in the mirror and smile. Actually, genuinely smile for the first time in days. I wasn’t going to let anything ruin this moment, hopefully I would sort things out with Jere tonight or before we leave then I will feel complete.

I was last on the list for my name to be called out, while I was listening to all the other girls getting called out I couldn’t be more proud of each and every single one of those girls, we had be through a lot together this summer, they all deserve this moment.

Then there’s two people in front of my Gigi who was about to be announced and then Belly who turned around and looked like she has just seen a ghost.

“Cam broke his leg this afternoon so Connie’s stepping in?” my tone was more like a question and I gave her an ‘I’m sorry’ smile and even under her horror her eyes are sparkling, “He wanted to be the one to do this anyway,” I reassure her. She smiles at me and then turns to smile Con, they send each other an awkward little wave and my heart swells for them.

For a second I close my eyes and imagine it is Jeremiah who is waiting behind Conrad for me, I even let myself smile, hoping, praying that by some miracle when I opened them he would be there.

He wasn’t.

Of course.

Noah was.

Another deep breath, that was becoming a theme tonight, and a big exhale. And so Belly was gone, then I was eye to eye with Noah, he smiled and waved but I could only smile, tempted to just run away and hide but I wasn’t doing this for myself it was for Susannah.

“Now we have Y/n Conklin,” said the announcer, followed by a bunch of charity work I have completed and my hopes for college. I was walking out, I spot Susannah then Laurel and then him. Taylor Swift’s ‘Love Story’ playing in my head the second my eyes meet his. His smile is weak but its there. The only spot left was right in front of our table, of course it was.

First was the boy’s dance, it was amazing Steven really went for it and Conrad who learned it in 10 minutes was shockingly impressive, Belly who was stood next to me clapped wildly. Then everything broke off for drinks and snacks.

Susannah runs over to me and pulls me into a hug, then Belly and Conrad. Noah stays on my arms and greets Laurel and Suze too, they compliment us and show their excitement about the boys’ dance.

“Yeah yeah good job boys, come on bring it in!” Jere exclaimed giving Steven and Con bear hugs, then complimenting Belly and turning to me, “Can we talk?” he asked stopping in front of me and pointing towards the doors. I could feel Noah’s hold on my tightening.

“Uh- yeah sure,” I removed my hand from his grip and gave him a reassuring smile, “I’ll be back in a sec ok? Get us some drinks?” Noah’s frown turned back to a smile real quick.

The cold air is nice of my skin, it feels like I’m breathing normally again.

“You look beautiful,” Jere says turning towards me, his back to the ball room, I want to smile but I can’t.

“And you couldn’t have said that inside?” I asked, I wasn’t prodding him or trying to be annoying I just didn’t want to argue.

“I’m sorry.” He announced and shakes his head, “I wish I could hit some magic ‘re-do’ button and let this summer play out again,” he continued.

“We’ve all been there, wondering whether if we did something differently the outcome would change, but like I like to say-”

“Don’t say everything happens for a reason-”

I give him a sympathetic smile, in that moment I mourn would could have been between us, “That magic button doesn’t exist,”

He steps closer and puts his hands on the sides of my face, “I know, but second chances exist, and well third…” I put all my effort into not leaning into his touch, “Give me a chance, I- Y/n I love you, and you can’t say anything to make me change my mind. I should have been the fucking one up there with you, I’ll never forgive myself for not being there for you, I was scared shitless that I would mess up, hurt you- that would affect both our families and-” his eyes have a tint of red in them.

“I know Jere, I love you too, you know that,” I put my hands on his wrists, “You will always have a piece of my heart, right here,” I say taking one of his hands and laying it on my chest.

“Let me have this dance, let me prove to you-”

“Jere I’m here with Noah, and he’s invited me to meet his parents when we get back, he’s been here all of last summer, planning all year on how he was going to win me back this summer and try harder when I was the one who pushed him away… for you,”

“I know, I know I was dick,”

“I can’t keep rereading the same story because the ending isn’t going to change Jere,” I say with finality and head back into the ball room, wiping the underneath of my eyes begging that my makeup hasn’t smudged.

Though I’m in for another dig when I enter, Noah looks less than impressed as I walk over to him, I looked for Susannah or Laurel or Belly for an escape but none of them are in my visual ground. Great.

“I can’t do this. I’m not doing it again,” he announces, I know exactly what he means but I act dumb- what else could I do?

“What do you mean? Do what again?” I ask frantically, he’s edging towards the exit.

“I can’t talk in here,” he says and I take a look around a few eyes have darted at us, I was so sick of everyone sticking their noses in my business. He rushes outside, I grab my dress and follow behind him, this time the hit of chilly air doesn’t make me better, it makes me feel sick.

“Last year you left me because you couldn’t get over Jeremiah, over the ‘what if?’ about him, I had to respect that. But he hurt you, left you in the dirt, I forgave that, because- because I really, really liked you,”

“Liked?”

“Liked, I can’t be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me, who’s heart belongs to an undeserving boy,” that’s when it hit me, Noah could insult me and the beat of my heart all that he wanted but he did not have a right to insult him.

“Don’t call him an underserving boy, this is on me, not on him,”

“Why can’t you just give him up! He doesn’t treat you right! He won’t, I’ve ripped out my heart and laid it on a silver platter for you, made plans for the future,”

“Noah-”

“No, fuck this shit, and fuck him for stringing you along, and fuck you, for letting him,” that was the last thing he said before getting in his car and driving off. I deserve it a part of me thought.

But another part of was freaking out because he couldn’t even do this last dance with me, I wanted nothing more than to kneel down and sob but the dress was too nice… and expensive for me to do that. So I lifted my head high once again that night and walked back into the room but Susannah knew, the minute I came to the table. She knew exactly what happened. Before I even made it to the table all the Debs were lining up ready to dance with their partners, I don’t get in line with them I continue moving towards the table Belly meets my eyes Conrad is nowhere to be seen, I shrug my shoulders, some part of me couldn’t believe he was about to fuck up again and not show.

That’s when the Fisher brothers rushed through the door, Con pushed Jere towards the table before getting in line with Belly. I was sat now watching Jeremiah approach quick footed. He stood in front of me.

“Will you do me the honour?” He asks holding out his hands, Susannah gasps and it looks like her eyes are about to swell with tears, “This doesn’t have to change our conversation from earlier,” he reassured me. I’m thankful he doesn’t say it ‘doesn’t change’ instead he said it ‘doesn’t have to change’ giving me the option to give him the chance after this.

I tell myself I’m taking his hand and his offer because I didn’t want to stand out, to look like a Deb who had to sit out because her date dumped her. As we get into line a thought shoots through me… “But you don’t know the dance!” I whisper to him.

He glances back at me with those clear sky eyes, and that smile that put me at ease with such little effort, “Con just taught it to me, hence being a tiny bit late for Belly,” I want to laugh, to say more to him, to not miss out on anymore time that we have left but the song starts and were in the dance.

His hand moves over my arms and joins with my gloved hands, even through them I feel the rush of electricity from his touch, then he spins me and his fingers run along the open back of my dress, it sent shivers through me. Every time we were face to face our eyes didn’t leave each other, just like our hands, and when he dipped me down at the end of the song I wanted nothing more than for him to kiss me, but he wouldn’t do it, because I said no to him.

The clapping and the cheers bring me back to reality and him too is seems in the way that he lifts me back up, everyone breaks back out into chatter, we stand there for a moment his hands still on my arms, his hold firm willing me to not leave his side.

“I’m so, so glad that it was me,” he whispered, as if speaking aloud would end this moment, my eyes shift between his eyes and his lips, his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, “Are you?”.

I don’t know what compelled me to do it there and then but I did it. My hands, almost like muscle memory, rushed to the back of his neck and pulled him down to me, my lips met his. His hands travelled to the sides of my face, then my neck and then my arms and then my waist, bringing me closer and closer.

I realise quickly where we are, pulling away fixing myself up a little, rushing a hand through his hair, “This was always your dance Jeremiah, you know that,”

He leaned down to peck my lips again, and I giggled into the kiss. His hand landed on the low of my back as he guided me back to the giddy table, of which I have no doubt, the participants have watched me kiss Jeremiah Fisher. Susannah stood up to hug me, then said she needs photos. She rushed all of us to the photo wall, it was just some blue silky fabric pinned to the wall, but it was everything it needed to be and more.

She made us take individual photos, then in our pairs, then all together, then her boys, then us Conklins, then the girls and then all the boys. Then Conrad and I had a special request for a photo. After half an hour of hogging the photo spot I’m pretty sure we had a photo of every combination.

Before I knew it we were all back home eating dinner and laughing in the around the table, then playing some silly card game I kept losing at but that didn’t matter because Jere would be beside me pulling adorable faces and trying to tickle me when I tried to sabotage his win.

I wanted it to be like this always, all of us, together.

Masterlist

[ghost-bxrd]

is it bad I'm looking forward to the pain dicks going to go thru when u release the final part of owl song?? also I know youve said you might not continue and leave that as the final part but id be interested to know your hc on what jasons return would look like? as if he's been avenged by dick does he still hold resentment/anger to the rest of batfam/how does he feel towards dick, would he make contact?? his thoughts on tim replacing him? does he still become a crime lord?? so many questions sorry hahaha I just love this series/world you've built so much!!

Ksksks no no, it’s totally valid! And I’m real happy you like the series!! 😊💚💚💚💚✨

And honestly I haven’t thought about their reunion a lot yet, (mostly because I’m really not sure how many people will end up screaming at me ksks) but in the event of one Jason would probably still harbor a good amount of resentment, mostly because of REDACTED REDACTED. But he probably wouldn’t feel anywhere near as murderous considering the joker is still being found all over Gotham City (a very macabre Easter egg hunt for everyone involved).

Jason would have a hard time harboring true hate towards Tim though seeing as they bonded way before his death. He’d still be angry af that Bruce and Dick are allowing him to prance around in the colors Jason died in, but he wouldn’t go as far as to want to take it out on Tim. Probably? Maybe. We’ll see 👀

But let’s be honest, Jason is theater kid with all his heart. Part of him craves the drama. He’s not gonna go straight home anyway without assuring himself in the most convoluted way possible that they still miss him.

[damn-stark]

Chapter 16 LONG LIVE THE QUEEN

Chapter 16 of Sandstorm

A/N- Two more chapters before the big finale!!

Warning- Swearing, death, violence, blood, fluff, long chapter, and there’s changes that depart from the show!

Pairing- Jon Snow x Targaryen!fem-reader

(If you want to be tagged let me know)

————

“…that was the story of Aegon the Conqueror and his sisters, my favorite story when I was a little girl. Albeit…my father, your grandfather, would tell it a whole lot better.” Your voice quietly fills the room Jon walks into.

Today was the day you parted from Dorne to march towards Kings Landing for one last time, for the big fight, the last battle. Neither of you knew if either of you were going to make it, you kept hoping you would, but anything can happen. And because your fate is unclear you haven’t wanted to leave the twins' side all day today. Jon didn’t either, he was happy now with his family, with his children only a few weeks old, with you.

This is where you belonged, here with them, and now you’re leaving. This is all you ever wanted and you’re leaving again.

But it has to be done for…Rhaenar, for their own safety; they’ll always be a threat to her now that the Lords allied with you have turned a blind eye about Jons true parentage. It’s not hard to guess why; he’s a man, the last Tagaryen male with a dragon, he’s valuable to them. He’s their true King.

They can think whatever though, fuck them, you’ll still be the one on that throne at the end of the day.

“Y/N,” Jon makes himself known, albeit you don’t look back at him, you keep admiring Rhaenyra and Robb falling asleep in your arms. “It’s time to go love.”

You begin rocking your body gently to make them fall asleep faster, ignoring Jon’s approaching footsteps.

“They’re falling asleep,” you whisper. “I just fed them.”

Jon’s hand presses on your back and slowly slides it around your shoulders as he crouches down by you to admire the twins as well. One last time before you left.

“I think they know we’re leaving,” you mention and look at him with a smile. “They’ve barely slept all day today.”

Jon hums and reaches out to caress Robb’s chunky cheek. “We’ll see them again,” he assures you so it can make your departure easier. “I promise.” He then slides his hand up to cup your cheek and tilts your head to the side so you can meet his gaze. “They’re waiting, come on. Before it gets harder.”

You draw in a deep breath and look down at them again, they weren’t in deep sleep, but their eyes are closed now, and Jon is right. So you get up and approach the wooden cradle that has your new family sigil carefully carved on the wood; the three headed dragon wrapped around the sun with a spear stabbed through it. They share it for now since they’re still not used to being apart from each other. You tried to sleep them in different ones but they cried all night until you figured out the solution.

“Here,” Jon whispers and picks up the dragon eggs off their warming chamber and places the sapphire blue colored egg to the right where you put Rhaenyra down, and he then places the silver colored egg on the left side where you place Robb.

Before you pull away from them you caress their cheeks one more time before you lean in and press a soft kiss on their heads. “I love you my babies,” you whisper in a quivering voice before you force yourself away from them.

Jon then proceeds to lean in and press a gentle kiss on their heads before he digs in his pocket and pulls out a small pouch. You watch him carefully and notice him pull out thin silver necklaces with a pendant that has a direwolf engraved on it.

“It’s made of Valyrian steel,” he whispers and clasps it around their necks. “A gift…for just in case.”

You drop your head and wipe away the tears that he made break from your eyes.

“We’ll be back,” he whispers to the sleeping twins. “Before you know it.”

You clutch onto your chest and turn away so you wouldn’t sob there. Jon then approaches you and grabs your shoulder to turn you to face him. “Are you ready?” He asks.

You glance down at your silver armor protecting your chest, and catch the red rubies that are in the shape of your new house sigil shine against the candle's light, and then look at him and nod. “I am. You?”

Jon glances behind you and hesitates before he nods. “I am. It’s just…hard, you know? I don’t want to leave our children without their parents, I want to be there for them.”

You wrap your hand around his and use your other hand to cup his cheek. “And you will. I promise you you will.”

Jon smiles softly at you before he presses his forehead against yours. “We’ll both come back to them. I swear. War won’t be what breaks us apart.”

You muster a soft smile and close your eyes. “Promise me you won’t leave me alone in this world.”

“I won’t,” Jon whispers before he pulls you in for a deep, lingering kiss. You melt into it, you pull him closer as much as he can be against you, and feel tears roll down your cheeks. When you pull away he wipes the tears off your cheeks and flashes you smile. “I love you,” he says. “From this day until the end of my days.”

“I love you too,” you say back without hesitation. “From this day until the end of my days.”

Jon’s smile widens and he lets his hands linger on your cheeks for a moment until a knock raps on your door.

You hesitate to address the visitor, but you can’t stay here and delay this final battle.

“Come in,” you break your silence as you pull away from Jon.

Sarella then walks in with a sheathed spear and other sheathed weapons. “I’m sorry for interrupting, I just wanted to let you know that your blades are coated and prepared.”

You offer her a stiff nod and walk to her under the doorframe. “Good, thank you Sarella.” You whisper while you grab your weapons from her and tie the sheaths on you. “Take good care of them all right?”

Sarella grabs your hands and offers you an assuring nod. “Of course I will, as if they were my own. You have nothing to worry about.”

You sigh. “If anything happens the three Queensguard I left behind will take them back North with Lady Sansa,” you let her know. “Accompany them the way there.”

Sarella nods and then wraps her arms around your neck, catching you by surprise. Albeit you don’t wait to hug her back.

“Kill all those bastards.” She says by your ear.

You smirk and nod before you pull away and assure her. “I will.”

Sarella shoots you one last smirk before you leave the room with Jon by your side.

“I need to make something known,” you break your silence. “When we face Gendry, I need you to swear to me you won’t stop me from killing him.” You look over at him and see his eyebrows begin to furrow with discontent. “Arya nor Ser Davos can either. I know how much you all care for him, but if I let him live, the life of our kids, my own life and yours will always be in danger because they’d want him sat on that throne. And they’d do anything to make it happen.”

Jon sighs before he meets your gaze without judgment, he’s expressing sincerity and determination. “I swear,” he assures you.

——

*SOMETIME LATER*

The dream is still recurring, that same dream of those two cradles in the destroyed throne room of King's Landing. The sigils carved on the wood are still clear in your head, your new sigil on one, and the old Targaryen sigil; Daenerys sigil, on the other cradle. You still can’t see what’s inside the cradle even if the cries of babies echo in the hall.

Albeit now there’s no fire that starts around you, there’s no blunt ending to it, there’s no need for more. It ends just as you see inside and you know you’re happy and satisfied.

Yet how can you feel satisfied when you can’t find the meaning and it haunts you everytime you sleep?

Does it mean you’ll win this war?

That you’ll live and get to see Rhaenyra and Robb again? Hopefully that’s the meaning, you’d be happy if that’s what it means.

Regardless, that dream has nothing to do with right now. Right now you have to worry about winning this battle and sitting on that throne. Right now, you cut your palms and watch the blood drip from them to then wipe that blood down your face to remind you of your reasons why you fight, why you’re risking your life and that of the others. For Rhaenar. For justice. Vengeance. For fire and blood.

Your uncle Doran said not to let vengeance cloud your judgment, Jon said not to let anger cloud your judgment. But what they don’t know is that anger and vengeance has finally cleared your mind. Because of it you finally see the goal you were blinded to before, that that throne belongs to you.

“Your Grace,” Ser Brienne’s voice filters in through your tent.

You pull away from the mirror and wipe away the tear that had broken out before you bandage your cuts, and address the loyal knight. “Yes, come in.”

The flaps get pushed aside and Ser Brienne's tall figure casts over you. “Prince Gendry Baratheon is approaching, he wants to talk to you.”

You lift your gaze to meet hers and smirk. “He’s eager,” you comment and push yourself off the chair to follow her out.

Ser Lana hands you your spear as she and Ser Rayne, Ser Alys, Ser Brienne, and Sansa follow you out.

“Still nothing from the Westerlands?” You ask Sansa as you sheath your spear.

Sansa shakes her head. “No. But you know how they are, they’re waiting for the moment either side is winning. As long as they don’t attack us they’re nothing to worry about.”

You nod softly in agreement and turn your head completely to the aide to look at her as you ask your next question. “What of Prince Mors and the fleet?”

Sansa slowly meets your gaze, knowing your teasing insinuation behind your question. “He’s started his battle against the Iron Islands fleet, and that of the Second Sons. He’s…alive. He’s fighting well…so I’ve been told.”

You smirk and look ahead again. “Once this is done I’ll fling you two together and lock you in a closet.” You snicker. “Or I’ll demand something to happen. I will be Queen after all.” You steal a glance at Sansa, and see her smirk at the ground before she looks at you with a serious glare.

“Focus,” she deadpans. Albeit you see her hidden smile.

“Yeah, yeah,” you drop the subject. “Now, take care of yourself Sansa, I’ll see you once it’s all done.” You throw her a wave and don’t take a moment to give her one last hug in case this is your last moment, you can’t face her and say goodbye, you’ll falter and want to leave this battle with her.

“Wait!” She forces you to stop regardless.

You slowly turn around and only see a glimpse of her before she closes the small gap between the two of you with an embrace.

“Be careful out there,” she whispers. “Okay?”

You hug her back gently and nod, “okay,” you whisper. “And please if anything happens to Jon and I, take care of them okay?”

Sansa nods. “I will, but I know you’ll both make it out. I know it.” She assures you.

You pull back quickly so you wouldn't follow her out of battle. “I’ll see you.” You throw out before you turn and walk away.

Once you get past the army line, when you reach the top of the hill just a few clicks away from Kings Landing's gate you see Gendry approaching with an army of Dothraki men behind him.

“Has there been sighting of Drogon?” You ask Ser Alys.

“No, but our scouts say they saw him flying away last night.” Said knight informs you whilst you come to a stop

You then hum and raise your chin to glance at the Red Keep, hoping you’d see Daenerys overlooking the army that surrounds her city, but there’s no one on any balcony.

What if she left? She’d have to care more about her unborn baby now, she wouldn't risk her life here.

“Queen Y/N Targaryen,” Gendry greets with the right title surprisingly enough. “It’s unfortunate that we meet under these circumstances.” He searches the group of woman for Jon you assume, but he’s not amongst them or behind you.

"Where's Jon?” Gendry asks and meets your gaze. “I wish to speak to him.”

You scoff. “You’ll see where he is soon enough,” you counter with a smirk since you don’t want to give away that he's going to attack from behind the castle with Rhaegal to get rid of the army that resides within the walls. You want Gendry to be surprised.

“What do you want?” You ask nonchalantly.

“Peace,” Gendry blurts and takes a step forward, making your knights take a step forward to protect you. “You don’t have to do this, we don’t have to fight. It’s useless. Daenerys is willing to negotiate peace”

You narrow your gaze and suck in your cheeks before you spit at the ground before him. “Fuck her peace. This war means everything to me,” you snap back. “I was willing to give her peace and do you know what she did?” You scoff and shake your head as tears fill your eyes.

“She killed my son. My boy! He was only ten years old, he didn’t do anything, he wasn’t at fault because I fell in love with Jon and made his kids, he was innocent and she killed him!” You cry out. “That may not mean much to you, nor will you ever feel that kind of pain or love for your own kid, but it meant everything to me. He had a whole life ahead of him, he had dreams, he had goals!” You exhale shakily and let your tears stream down to mix with the blood on your face. “He wanted to fly on his own dragon, he wanted to meet his brother and sister, and now it’s all gone like he is. So no, Gendry I won’t accept her peace, we won’t stand down,” you grimace and take a step forward. “We’ll fight, we’ll give our hearts, and I’ll kill you and end the Baratheon line once and for all.” You raise your chin with pride and see him swallow thickly.

You then step back and discreetly reach for one of your daggers rather than raising your spear to give your army the signal that battle has started.

“Tell me where Daenerys is Gendry,” you add and slowly begin to pull out your dagger.

Said man lifts his own chin and remains quiet, making you snicker to stall for Jon to make his move and for you to be able to pull out your dagger. “You know it’s said that your father,” you point at him. “Wore a helmet just like that,” you point up to his silver helmet over his head that has golden stag antlers at the sides. “When he fought my own father. Will you prove to be as legendary of a fighter as your father was? Or will the dragon get its revenge?”

Gendry shrugs. “We’ll see won’t we?” He says a bit smugly, making you smirk in amusement.

Albeit now you do have your dagger in your hand, you can throw it at him now, but you wait. He turns to head back down, but you wait for a second, and a second longer until finally there’s a big boom and battle cries fill the air before debris raides in the air, and there in the distance is the sound of Rhaegal’s booming roar.

Jon broke through the wall! He made the first move, now it’s you. So while Gendry freezes and hears the battle play out in the distance you hurl your dagger at him, intentionally letting the poisoned coated blade just cut his cheek as it flies past him.

He quickly turns in disbelief and touches his cheek to feel the blood that begins to spill out.

You shoot him a mischievous smirk and reach for your spear now. “I drew first blood. Your turn,” you grumble and then snatch your spear from your sheath before you throw your arm in the air to give the signal.

Battle horns then break the silence behind you before thousands of hooves hit the ground like thunder breaking in the sky. Gendry begins to back up, and as he does Eraxis reveals herself to the enemy armies as she comes shooting down from the sky.

Gendry's eyes widen whilst behind him the Dothraki let out battle cries of their own before their horses come sprinting forward, responding back to your own battle call.

However as it all begins to unravel, Gendry doesn’t move, nor does anyone move him or protect him, he lets the warriors behind him begin to run towards your army filled with men and women from the Reach, the North, Dorne, The Vale and The Riverlands. You on the other hand shoot him a malicious smirk as you lower your spear and point the blade at him.

“It’s okay,” you tell your women Knights. “I got him.”

The women hesitantly disperse as the armies meet halfway and start fighting, all while Gendry still doesn’t try to move.

“I won’t fight you,” he says.

You slowly lower your spear and flip it around in your hand as you narrow your gaze on him. “Greyworm didn’t want to fight me either. I still killed him, so choose, die like a warrior or die a coward.”

Before he can answer, nevertheless you charge at him. He catches your action and swings his huge hammer, but you quickly snap your body back and slide down, letting your blade slice the side of his leg as you move past him.

Gendry groans and turns slowly to face you now behind him. He parts his lips to speak, but the sound of a horse charging at you steals your attention, so you proceed to jump out of the way to avoid being cut by a Dothraki.

Before he can turn around and come back for more you pull a dagger out and hurl it at the back of his throat, causing him to immediately go limp and fall off his horse.

He really thought he was going to kill you, how sweet. You caught him though when you were sliding past Gendry.

“It doesn't have to be this way,” Gendry interjects loudly so he can be heard over the sound of battle.

You shake your head. “No,” you agree. “It doesn’t, that’s why I’m fighting down here and not on Eraxis and obliterating everything. Now fight—”

“Our children can grow up together,” he cuts you off, making you hesitate. “If we have a son he can marry your daughter and rule together. There can be peace! Don’t you want that? Don’t you want them to have what we couldn’t? A united family?”

You swallow thickly and think about his offer, you really give it thought. He’s right after all, you want nothing but peace for the twins, you want to be there for them, you want to have more kids, have a big family with Jon. You want to live happily. But, when you close your eyes you see them, every single one of your ancestors has their eyes on you, they’re waiting for you to take back what was lost. They’re waiting for you to win and change what they failed to do. You close your eyes and see Rhaenar’s little face burnt, lifeless and gone because of her.

There can’t be peace.

You let out a deep scream and run at him, just before you can reach him you jump up and try to bring your spear down at him, albeit he lifts his heavy hammer and blocks your attempts. You scoff at him and quickly follow that action by grabbing another dagger and then shifting back to let his arms fall. You don’t let him take a break and quickly spin around him again, managing to slice his ankle and knock him off his feet.

It was easy work really, he’s probably not a trained fighter like you are. And you don’t have an ounce of care for him like some of others do, it’s just killing that’s the problem.

But you have to, or else you’ll die, or else your children will be in danger. So before he can move you hold your spear with both hands and lift it up to bring it down.

However, before the blade can hit him, from the corner of your eye you catch someone pointing an arrow at you, so you snap to the side to face him and throw your spear up in the air to catch it in the right position, before you then hurl it at the dothraki warrior when he shoots his arrow. But unlike yours, his arrow only skims past the side of your head managing to nick your flesh, while your spear impales him in his chest and knocks him off his horse.

Now back to Gendry.

Yet when you turn to face where he was on the ground he’s no longer there, just drops of blood staining the dirt.

You sigh and try to look through the crowd but the sight of running bodies, of horses and clanging blades blocks your view. All you can see is his trail of blood leading towards the wall gates.

“Fine,” you grumble and turn to pick up your spear. “I’ll play.” You roll your head around to crack your neck whilst you stride towards the spear impaled through the man.

Nevertheless, just before you can reach your weapon another Dothraki warrior comes charging at you, he’s screaming at the top of lungs and jumps on top of his horse. You stumble back and pull out your last dagger, you clench your jaw and hold his intimidating gaze. You get ready to face him even if he has the high ground.

Luckily though just before his blade can come down, a leather whip wraps around his throat and yanks him off his horse. You gasp and don’t pay attention to the horse getting run over by another horse nearby, you move past the violent scene and then notice that Ser Alys was the one that helped you.

“Thank you!” You throw at her and pick your spear off the other mans body.

Said woman bows her head. “Of course, You Grace! What next?” She asks.

“I find Gendry, he ran past the walls I assume. Help me get past this battlefield.” You tell her honestly and glance up at Eraxis in the sky, wishing you could climb on her to reach your destination, but your own soldiers are mixed here so she’d squish them if she lands. So on horse or foot it is, she can follow.

“Right away!” Ser Alys agrees, and ends up quickly finding horses you can mount to reach your destination faster.

Albeit it’s getting past the Dothraki soldiers that’s the problem. They see you and try to attack you, and you’re not used to fighting on horseback as much as they are, but you try your best to block their attempts. You kill some others, cut the arms off others. You bathe yourself in their blood, adding to the intimidation around you.

Thankfully though, after some struggle, and thanks to Ser Alys help you get past the battlefield of fighting warriors, and sea of dead bodies piling around.

“Here is as far as you go,” you tell Ser Alys as you jump off your horse. “This fight is mine and mine alone.”

“But,” she argues. “I won’t leave you. You are my Queen. If you die what becomes of me?”

You stop walking and turn to face her. “I won’t die. But if you must, get rid of any obstacles ahead, Ser Brienne should already be ahead, Eraxis will help you clear a path to the Red Keep regardless. Remember don’t harm any civilians. I’ll catch up when I’m done.”

Ser Alys hesitates, but listens nonetheless, letting you get back to the trail of blood that you have been following. Sure now it can be anyone’s, but when you were fighting the Dothraki you did catch a glimpse of Gendry running this way. He also won’t get very far considering the poison running its course, he’ll be nearby, so you stalk forward like a hungry predator.

“Prince Gendry,” you taunt him. “Come out, I bet you want to talk to me.” You flip your spear around in your hand to let your blade drag on the dirt whilst you study the street you walk down, spotting a trail of blood going towards a nearby market, so you follow it.

You open the tents flaps and see it unoccupied, thankfully. But he’s nearby, so you slow down your pace to be quieter and hopefully surprise him.

However, just as you turn to walk to another part of the tent suddenly something hard slams into the back of your leg, causing something to snap in your leg that basks your entire leg in an obliterating pain. You cry out and fall on your knees, but that only makes the pain intensify to the point you can’t stand being on your knees, so you flip around to sit and stretch your legs out.

That’s when you see that a part of your bone is sticking out. It’s broken….

“I’m sorry,” you hear a familiar voice interject.

You snap your eyes up and see Gendry approaching you with his hammer in hand. You want to drag yourself back, but it hurts too damn much to move, you have to snap your bone back in place.

“Let me help—”

“Don’t you dare touch me,” you sneer and don’t hesitate to slam your hands on the bone sticking out to snap it back in place. You cry out even if you don’t want to, and then drop your head to let your tears out.

Gendry in the meantime is cautiously approaching you, you can hear his boots hit against the ground.

“You’re not going to ask me what’s happening to you?” You ask in a hoarse voice and slowly take a peek up at him, noticing the blood coming out of his nose and ears. “Why your veins are on fire? Why blood is coming out of your ears?” You add and shoot him a smirk whilst you reach for your spear beside you.

“Look,” he ignores you even if you guessed exactly what he was feeling. “I don’t want to kill you.”

You begin to chuckle and roll your head up, causing him to blink repeatedly in surprise as he sees the blood that cakes your face and bathes your armor, and that turns your silver-white hair crimson red.

“That’s funny,” you counter and completely grasp your spear before you shove yourself to your feet and charge at him.

Albeit Gendry is quick and avoids your lunge, instead he grabs you by your throat and begins to shove you back out of the tent.

The pain on your leg burns the entire time, he makes it feel worse as he drags you out, but you have to ignore it now, you have run on your adrenaline so as to not let the pain affect you. However, he then proceeds to shove you to the ground and climbs onto you, stabbing his knee in your wounded leg and bringing you more agony.

Before you can scream this time he presses the stick end of his hammer against your throat, cutting off the air that comes into your lungs.

“I won’t kill you,” he makes himself clear. You try to scoff in amusement, but all that comes out is a strangled choking sound.

Now he might not want to kill you, but as every second passes you feel your consciousness slip, and if you fall now then you can’t reach Daenerys, you might lose this battle. So with all the strength you can muster you pat the ground, finding a good sized rock, and then proceed to throw your hand up and stab the rock in his eye.

Gendry bellows out, and immediately lets you go to get on his feet and grab at his eye pouring out blood.

You proceed to ignore your pain and grab the hammer he left over you to push yourself up. The pain threatens to weaken you, but you stay on your feet, you fix your grip on the hammer since you dropped your spear in the tent, and raise it.

Gendry notices and you raise your chin. “This is for my father,” you spat out, and use as much force as you can muster to swing the hammer across his chest, knocking him down to the ground at that very moment.

You may have no respect for your father, but he still is your father. He still did love you when you did have him, and you loved him unconditionally before Robert Baratheon robbed him of his life, before your uncle Oberyn told you the truth—poisoned your mind and memories.

“I’m sorry,” you tell Gendry with sincerity as you approach him unable to grasp onto air, as blood begins to stream out of his eyes like tears as the poison also brings him closer to death. “But if I kept you alive my family would never be safe. Life would repeat itself, and I’ve already lost too much…” you pause as wings flapping close by steals your attention. When you look up you see Eraxis wanting to land ahead of you.

“For whatever it’s worth,” you say and crouch by Gendry. “You were a good man. Better than the beast your father was. May you find peace Gendry Baratheon.” You stay there beside him and watch him take his last shaky breath before his eyes roll back and he goes limp.

“Y/N?!” Your name is then called ahead.

You look up and see Eraxis hover over the ground as Arya approaches all covered in blood. Just what you needed—albeit it is too late for her to even talk to him now.

“Arya,” you call back and stand up to your feet.

Said girl's eyes lower to the body beside you and she goes rigged, making you avert your gaze and instead go back inside the tent to pick up your spear. When you come back outside you see her by his lifeless body hovering her hand over his wounded eye, and then lowering to his chest that was encaved. In the distance Eraxis lands on the ground, and since it hurts walking you have to ride her.

“I’m sorry,” you mutter softly to her as you see tears escaping her eyes. “I’m sorry,” you repeat before you break away from the spot and limp towards Eraxis.

Once you’re by your white dragon you steal one last glance, noticing her still by Gendry's side. There was nothing else you could say, Sansa said Arya knew him, that they lay together, they have history, and you were the cause of his death, so there’s nothing to say to comfort her. So instead you slowly climb on Eraxis and now fly towards the Red Keep, towards Daenerys.

Will you kill her with as much ease like with Gendry?

Not now of course, you’ll wait until her baby is born, show her that you were being serious about the threat, a son for a son before you also kill her.

You’ll probably struggle to kill her but she did kill Rhaenar, she has to pay. You’ll make her pay.

Nevertheless, while on your way to the castle you can see the empty streets Arya helped clear so there wouldn’t be any civilian casualties, you can see the battle at the back of the castle Jon started. You can see Rhaegal resting by the castle, letting you think that maybe Jon is fighting with your men below; or inside the castle already. And In the distance, out at sea you can see the fleets battling, you cant see who’s winning from here though.

Another thing you can’t see is Drogon. Where did he go?

Is Daenerys with him?

Regardless you’ll check.

Thus why you have Eraxis land inside the castle, on the steps that lead inside the castle that was once your home, that was the place your mother and siblings died in. The Red Keep.

You’ve been here before since the tragedy, you walked past the gates like now, albeit then it was lively, it was decorated with Baratheon banners, people came and went out for the wedding, you blended in with the crowd. Now as you walk in the hall is empty, it’s cold and dark, it’s deafeningly quiet. Are there even guards?

You walk further inside and notice that the rubble was picked up from when Daenerys destroyed the castle. It also seems like they’re trying to rebuild it, but since you’re here now it’s put on pause.

You then proceed to head to Maegor’s holdfast, knowing well that that’s where Daenerys would take residence. And surprisingly enough, there’s hardly any guards. Those who did seem to be inside were outside trying to stop Jon and his army from getting in, but it was too late, the wall was still not fixed completely, and what was fixed Rhaegal broke. Those few guards that were inside you evaded, there was only one you had to kill but it was done fast and quietly, luckily.

However, as grateful as you are that you don’t run into any more difficult obstacles, it’s not a good sign. Perhaps it’s a sign to leave and finish the battle since the retreat nor the surrender bells are ringing, but if she’s still here you have to find her. You’re so close. Fuck the pain.

Alas, when you reach the hall, it’s empty, there’s no guards anywhere. The hall is cold since the cold breeze creeps in through the open windows. You expect Daario Nahris to be here to protect Daenerys and the unborn child, but it’s too quiet. No one’s here….

Still! You continue to search desperately, you check each room again and again. You check the massive closets, every corner and secret door, but there’s no one, there’s only clothes left behind; her clothes that probably don't fit anymore. She’s the only one missing. Fuck,

“Fuck!” You exclaim and throw off the perfumes and glass containers on a vanity out of anger. “She’s not here,” you mutter to yourself. She’s gone!

At least her husband is dead now, so if she isn’t here then the battle should end soon, leaving you to do one thing now that you are here in Maegor's holdfast. The tower may be different from when you lived here, but the walls are still the same, the ground is unchanged, the halls still hold memories. So with your limp and pain, you drag yourself to the hall you once lived in.

Last time, a couple years ago you couldn’t come here, you were a mere guest undercover, but now you’re here in the same hall, your home. It doesn’t hold the same sweet scent as before, the halls aren’t brightly lit for you and your sister, but as you close your eyes you can still picture the good days, you can imagine your mother; fragile but sweet and loving. You can see Rhaenys chasing after you, you can see your fathers bright and long white-silver hair, you can hear him softly playing his music for your family.

This. This is your home. This is where you belonged, this is where you were meant to die before you could even truly live. Here. You’re home.

When you open the door that leads to where you last saw your mother, you wish to see her still there, helping Rhaenys read. You want her to look up to see you walk inside, you want her to greet you. You want to see her again, but all you see is an empty room, there’s dusty furniture, and all that greets you is the sound of bells beginning to sound in the distance; the sound of retreat. Their retreat.

Yet you can’t get up and celebrate, you can’t smile, you just fall on your knees and begin to sob as you’re embraced by the cold breeze and welcomed by ghosts. Your leg begins to hurt so you have to turn and sit down.

You don’t know how long you do end up staying there, the bells stop ringing at one point, but you stay there remembering and crying as you’re striked with agony.

A few more minutes pass of you all alone in the cold room before you hear Jon’s voice out in the hall. “Y/N?”

You lift your head and bring his attention to this room. “I’m in here.”

Footsteps shift before they hurry over to the room, as the door begins to open you see guards stepping in before Jon hurries inside to where you are on the floor. And before either of you can say anything you both embrace each other, finding relief in each other's presence even as dirty as you are.

“You’re okay,” you whisper and hold the back of his head. “You’re okay,” you whimper.

Jon lowers his head and digs his face in the crook of your neck. “I was so worried,” he muffles. “I couldn’t find you.” He pulls back and wipes the blood off your eyes. “I’ve been looking for you,” he says.

You reach over to cup his jaw and study his face for any wounds, but there’s only blood staining his skin. “Are you okay?” You ask him softly.

Jon grabs your wrists and nods. “Yes. Are you? What are you doing on the floor?”

You part your lips to explain the simple reason; you came here for Daenerys, you’re in this room because you wanted to remember, but tears just spill out and clear a path on your face caked with blood.

“I,” you stammer shakily. “I was meant to die here Jon. I was here and then that stupid cat distracted me. I never saw my mother again, Rhaenys, baby Aegon. I chased after the cat and never saw them again.”

“It was for a reason,” he assures you. “You’re here now for this. This very moment. They retreated, they’re leaving, it’s time for you to get on that throne, be what you were meant to be.”

You lift your gaze and meet his eyes. “You really believe that?” You ask. “Daenerys is gone, but she’s still alive. The war isn’t over yet.”

Jon shakes his head. “No, the war isn’t, but the fighting is done. Without the capital, or allies, Daenerys is done, she lost. Now it’s up to you. This fighting can’t be for nothing. You avoiding death that day happened for a reason, don’t you see it? I know it hurts. I know, my love. But we get to be safe with our children now, you can keep them safe and avoid them having the same fate you did.”

You scoff softly and offer him a sweet smile. “I’ve never heard you talk like that. You believe in fate?”

Jon blinks and shrugs. “I rose from the dead, I had nothing before, but after that I got everything I could have wanted. You, the twins. If that’s not fate then I don’t know what is.”

You smile wider and press your forehead agaisnt his. “You’ll rule with me then? Help me? Make this a good place for our kids? For…people who need help from the horrors of this world? So they don’t have to suffer the same way our family did? Because if you don’t want this we can leave this all behind. We leave now, we pick up the kids and leave.”

Jon nods softly. “I’ll follow you until the ends of this world. I will help you.”

Your heart flutters and your grin widens. “Good,” you whisper and then glance at your leg. “But help me up, I broke my leg.”

Jon pulls back and stares at you with a shocked expression, but you assure him. “It’s okay. That’s all that happened.”

He hesitates, but he then gets guards to help you with your leg before he helps you to your feet. And now since that adrenaline that once pumped in your blood has faded the pain is a lot more immense, now you need Jon by your side to help you walk.

This time though, rather than seeing empty halls once you reach the grande hall, there’s people, your people all bloody bruised but filtering inside slowly. The civilians once warned to hide or evacuate before and during the battle wander inside as well, slowly and cautiously. The once dark halls are slowly getting lit by candles and torches alongside the hall, and Daenerys banners get replaced by your new house banners.

“How many of our people were lost?” You ask Jon.

“We can discuss that later,” Jon says and glances at the open doors that lead to the throne room. “As for now, it’s time.”

You come to a stop to meet his gaze and smile softly. “Will you help me down there?” You ask him.

The corner of Jon’s lips tug to a smile before he offers you an assuring nod.

Now all that follows is the ascension. It seems like a long walk down to the throne, but you’re determined. It hurts to keep moving, but the throne is down the grande hall still filled with gaps on the walls from the last attack, the throne that was meant for your father, the throne built by your ancestors, your throne.

“All hail Queen Visenya, of House Targaryen, second of her name, Queen of the Andals, and the Rhoynar, and the First Men. Lady of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the realm!”

The murmuring goes quiet, and feet shift and shuffle as bodies turn to see you. There’s so many times as you walk down the carpet that you want to duck your head and avoid the stares of both your soldiers and the civilians that fill the hall, but they can’t see you embarrassed, they need to see you strong, so you raise your chin high and keep your lips upturned.

Besides as you get closer, Eraxis and Rhaegal appear outside the castle walls and land in behind the gaps that look inside the throne room. Some people get frightened by the presence of the green and white dragon, but they don’t leave, they watch you as Jon lets you go so you can climb the stairs.

However, you then come to a stop before you can climb up, and stare at the throne made of blades of fallen enemies with tears in your eyes. “This is for you Rhaenar,” you murmur. “This is for all of you.” You let out a shaky sigh and smile down at your rings on your fingers. You then peer back and notice Sansa beside your cousin Prince Mors, she meets your gaze and shoots you an encouraging smile.

You mirror her gesture before you face the glimmering metal throne again and continue to walk to it. It takes you a moment to reach the throne, but once you do Eraxis leans her head in through the gap and groans softly, as if comforting you. You look over at her and meet her dark eyes to shoot her a smile before you touch the cool metal and admire the grand design in awe.

This is for them, your family. All of them.

You finally turn to face the crowd and finally sit down on the Iron Throne.

“All Hail her grace!”Jon exclaims.

“Long live the Queen!”

“Long live the Queen!”

You draw in a deep breath, and raise your chin smugly before you exhale and raise your hand to silence the crowd. Once the commotion silences you put your hand down and interject. “Let’s begin.”

——

*A COUPLE MONTHS LATER*

“Where’s your mummy?” You ask in a playful baby voice and peek through the gaps between your fingers, noticing Robb is serious now as he sees your hands over your eyes. “I’m here!” You exclaim softly and pull your hands off your face with a grin, causing the baby boy to blink in surprise before he starts giggling.

Your smile widens at the sound of his giggle, and then a knock raps on the door.

“Come in,” you announce and pick Robb off the bed to carry him instead. “Do you want to go find your daddy and your sister?” You ask Robb as if he can answer you at 4 months old.

“Your Grace,” you hear Ser Brienne say, making you turn to face her standing by the foot of the bed. “I have news.”

Your smile fades as you see how serious her expression is painted on her features, and probe quietly. “What is it?”

Ser Brienne blinks and sighs. “It’s Daenerys. We finally found out where she is.”

The amusement you just felt gets replaced with shock and disbelief over the news. Finally after months of not hearing about her, of not getting attacked by fire from the sky, or of being attacked by what remains of her army, they've found her. Now it’s time to finish your revenge, it’s time for Rhaenar to get justice.

“Good,” you mutter and walk to Ser Brienne. “Where? Is she at Meereen?”

Ser Brienne shakes her head and shares that Daenerys is hiding in Dorne, hidden past any town that would give her away, where Drogon can hide without being spotted, and where she can rest and wait for her child to be born. You should’ve known.

If she would’ve made it to Meereen someone would have told you, maybe she even would have even wanted to negotiate peace again, but there was not a word from her or about her and her army for months. She wasn’t at Dragonstone, nor at the Iron Islands, it’s like she disappeared. Until now.

And maybe hiding was for the best, you would have too if you were in her position. Yet the truth is nothing would have stopped you from searching for her, not becoming Queen officially, you would have searched for her until the ends of the world for your revenge. Now that she’s been revealed she’ll know what your revenge is, she’ll know the same pain you feel, the ache that still breaks your heart every single day.

“Mummy will be right back, okay?” You tell Robb as you play him in his cradle. “Your sister should join you soon.” You press a kiss on the top of his head and then brush his little black hairs down before you step back and turn to stride out of the room, even as he begins to cry because you’re out of his sight.

However, you don’t make it far out of the castle before you spot Jon, and Rhaenyra in his arms as they seem to be heading to the kids' chambers. “Hello my loves,” you greet them and lean in to press a kiss on Rhaenyra’s forehead before you give Jon a kiss on his lips.

“Eraxis and I are leaving. I’ll be back before Dinner.” You let Jon know as you pull back and caress his chin.

Jon’s gaze narrows in confusion. “Where are you going?” He asks since youre being vague, and you haven’t asked him to go with you.

You draw in a deep breath, knowing how he’ll react. “I’m…” you breathe out. “I'm going to Daenerys. They’ve found her in Dorne. I’m ending this war.” You caress your babygirl's cheek once more before you break away.

Nevertheless before you can continue to walk away, Jon’s hand wraps around your arm, forcing you to stop and look back at him curiously.

“You promised,” he says in a serious voice and with a deep narrowed gaze that makes you uneasy. “You promised you wouldn't hurt that baby. Blame Daenerys all you want, burn what remains of her army, but don’t hurt that baby.”

You could say thousands of reasons why you should, he’d understand now after all; he’s holding onto one of his twins that loves them with all his heart. He’d understand why Daenerys' kid has to get what it deserves, but you know him, you know his morality, Jon won’t understand, and you love him too much to see him go. So you lie.

“I would never do that,” you interject bluntly as you gently push his hand away from your wrist to continue outside towards Eraxis.

This time there’s no more stops, you reach your beautiful white scaled dragon and mount her to then ascend to the skies. You fly over green lands, through a small storm that soaks you entirely. You fly through white fluffy clouds that make you raise your hand to run your fingers through it, and smile. You feel the breeze turn dry the closer you get to Dorne; and the once green fields slowly begin to transcend to golden fields of sand.

Where Daenerys was spotted isn’t deep in Dorne, it’s passing Kingsgrave, just close to the center between that and Sandstone. The castle isn’t as big as you imagined either, it’s a small castle, only two stories high and with a pool in the center of the castle, making the castle stand out from the sky. Trees provide shade all around the castle, and there’s only a few Dothraki tents outside around the castle.

The strangest thing is that they don’t make any commotion. Drogon is resting by the side of the castle and doesn’t pay Eraxis any mind, he doesn’t attack either, letting Eraxis land with ease that begins to concern you. When your feet hit the ground you aren’t rushed by an army even if you have visible daggers hanging from your hips. It’s only once you reach the red doors that lead inside the beautiful vibrant castle that you get stopped by a couple of Dothraki men.

“<Turn back and return home, Dragonslayer,>” one of the men says in Dothrak.

You scoff and get ready to argue, but then a voice cuts in from inside. “<Let her in, the Queen demands it.>” Footsteps approach, and Daario Nahris appears out of the shadows with his eyes red and glistening with tears, with no armor on his body; instead his long sleeved shirt is baggy and stained with sweat, his sleeves are rolled and his hands are stained with spots of dry blood.

“I thought you wouldn’t come,” he directs at you as he comes to a stop under the red door frame. “She’s…in there…waiting for you.” He points back inside, making you glance at where he points, spotting white sheer curtains flowing inside thanks to the soft wind.

“I want to talk to her alone,” you demand and meet his watery gaze.

Daario nods stiffly. “She is alone. You made sure of that.”

You blink unfazed by his comment. “You’re still here,” you counter and look at him up and down with judgment before you walk past him.

“Upstairs to the right, red door.”

You hum as you turn to walk up the stairs already. And as it’s you’re walking up is when you take the time to study the hall, to admire the tall ceilings that have pretty blue designs on it. You notice the greenery that drapes down the railings, and the gold design that wraps around the archway that leads to the courtyard. It’s all so simple and pretty, relaxing. If you didn’t come here for a purpose, you would enjoy it here.

But you have a purpose that’s fueled by rage and grief. The closer you get to the room the more that concern vanishes to nothing. Your cautious walk as you reach the second floor turns to a determined stride. You only pause for one second when a baby’s cry breaks the silence that haunted this castle.

“There you are,” you mutter to yourself, and draw in a deep breath before you break away from your spot and exhale as you continue to the room with the red door.

Once you reach the door you don’t knock you slowly open it, and the first thing that greets you is a maester and midwives.

“Get out,“ you demand coldly as you step inside the room.

“Y/N,” you hear Daenerys mutter, but you ignore her call and shift your eyes around the room until you spot a single cradle in the corner of the room.

There it is.

The maesters and midwives filter out, leaving Daenerys and you alone to dwell in a tense silence, letting you eyes lock on the cradle. Letting your mind think of nothing else but your craving for revenge, not even Daenerys laying on her bed, just blood. Rhaenar.

As you stalk towards the wooden cradle you pull out a silver dagger and feel your heart begin to race violently.

Bah-dum, bah-dum, bah-dum, bah-dum.

Daenerys says something as she spots your intention, as she sees the rage in your gleaming glare, but her voice gets tuned out as memories of Rhaenar play in your head; both when he was alive and when you saw his dead body. They let you raise the blade in your hand as you’re inches away from seeing what the cradle holds.

However, you pause as you spot the sigil carved on the end of the cradle. It’s the same one you saw in your dream, and actually now that you’ve see that you notice that it’s on the same cradle from your dream too.

But it can’t mean anything. It doesn’t. Not when you’re so close. So you push that to the back of your mind and take a few more steps until you finally reach the side of the cradle and see the small baby inside wide awake, squirming away.

It seems to spot you and stops to stare at you with its big green eyes. It meets your gaze and you hesitate, but it’s only for a moment because you remember Rhaenar too, you remember when he was that small, you remember what he dreamed of doing when he got older. You remember how excited he was to be bonded with Helios. You remember your son and you raise the blade with tears clouding your eyes.

You raise the dagger and swing it down as you begin to sob. But then, before the blade can even touch the baby, you stop as there in the reflection of the silver blade you see his face, Rhaenar. He’s looking at you with his sweet brown eyes with tears, and he’s shaking his head at you.

Whether it’s some apparition of him, or just your own mind and guilt playing tricks, the reality of what you wanted to do to that baby slams into you roughly. It makes your hand holding the blade shake, and for that anger that poisoned you to completely disappear.

You won’t regret the war you started, no, but it’s this action you almost committed that you do feel ashamed of. What fault does this baby have? He didn’t kill Rhaenar, he’s barely living.

Were you really going to become the same monster that took away your siblings? The same monster you spent your whole life fearing?

No, you cant. You can’t be that person. So you drop the blade and silence your sob so as to not startle the baby any further.

Besides, there’s something familiar about the baby, like if you’ve seen him before…in a dream.

Of course in your dreams all you saw was two cradles, one with your new house sigil carved on it, and the other with the old Targaryen sigil. And this cradle was the exact same one from the dream, this is what the dream means. This baby.

“Daeron,” Daenerys voice finally finds its way inside your ears. “His name is Daeron Targaryen.”

You wipe the tears away and smile softly at the baby as you reach in to pick him up. “Daeron is a perfect name for a little prince. Hello,” you mewl. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I scared you…I’m sorry,” you say again and this time turn your head to glance at Daenerys laying on the bed.

That’s when you notice how exhausted she looks, how much paler her skin is; she looks almost sickly.

“I was being stupid,” you continue to say and approach her with her baby boy. “Forgive me please. I was angry, I was missing him,” you cry as tears fall from your eyes.

Daenerys shakes her head. “There’s nothing to forgive,” she says softly while she watches you take a seat beside her. “I should be the one apologizing to you…” she pauses and lets out a shaky and labored breath that makes your heart slowly begin to sink—“it was because of me that your son was taken from you. It was because of me that our family broke apart. I…I lost my way,” she shares in a shaky voice. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

You part your lips and stare at her in disbelief. You’ve heard her be sincere before, she’s been vulnerable with you before, but this time it feels different, she sounds desperate.

“Y/N,” She insists and grabs your hand with pressure. “Say you’ll forgive me. I can’t—I need to hear it.”

Ah. Now you know. You’ve figured it out; why she looks so sad and sickly, why she hasn't counter-attacked for what you did to Gendry and what you took, why her army of Second Sons or Unsullied isn’t with her anymore…yet you can’t accept that truth.

“We’ll have all the time in the world to make up for what we did to each other,” you try to deny the cruel truth of what’s happening. “I’ll grant you forgiveness, you can live here in your house with the red door. Our babies can grow up with each other. Daenerys,” you whisper shakily.

Said woman begins to cry, but she still musters a soft smile. “That’s all I want for him. I want him to have a good life….with you and your twins.” She grins. “I want you to raise them together, like family.”

You shake your head. “Dany, you’ll be here. You’ll get out of this bed and watch him grow up,” you argue, and hand her her son to then cradle her cheek and continue to insist what won’t happen anymore. “You’ll be a great mother.”

Daenerys glances down at her baby and her smile wobbles. “Thank you for giving me this blessing. Whatever the intent was behind what you did, still thank you. Because of you I got to have him, my Daeron. I love him, y/n, please take care of him, raise him as your own. Love him as I would.” She lifts her watery gaze to look at you and plead. “Please say you will. I don’t have much time, I won’t have the pleasure of seeing him grow up. So please assure me before I go that…that you’ll take him. Please.”

You lean your forehead against hers and nod. “I swear,” you assure her.

.

.

.

.

Tagged: @watercolorskyy @jessimay89 @cecespizza01 @theroyalbrownbarbie @crybabyatthediscooffandoms @neenieweenie @midnightpantherxo @ashleyforeverareject @dark-night-sky-99 @starwarssluts @stargaryenx @defiantblade12 @cloudroomblog

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hey Raven, I was thinking about how different twst boys react when put in a difficult place/having a breakdown. We've seen this with the dorm leaders. But I was wondering, how do you think it would be for scheming, collected characters that are always in control to be in that situation? Like, let's say Jade, because imagining him in that situation is kind of difficult, at least for me, because he is always the one in control of every situation, how would it be for him to be smarted out and tricked? How would he react? The closest thing to it that I can think of would probably be Azul, and it still is not easy to compare because I feel like he is way easier to read than Jade? Maybe because we got a whole chapter dedicated to him, but I would rather say that its because Azul is more upfront and you can tell something is wrong, along with more expressive, meanwhile Jade will put a kind smile 24/7 and stab from the back

Actually, I too wonder how it would be for someone like Rook, but he isn't as scheming as Jade ig

(I hope this isn't weird ahhh, I just love seeing the intelligent characters being put it difficult situations and how they react)

NO, NO I TOTALLY GET THE APPEAL OF A CALM, INTELLIGENT CHARACTER JUST. MCFUCKING LOSING IT😭 what can I say, it’s my type

I’d say that are “layers” yes, like an onion to Jade’s reactions? When he’s just surprised or caught off guard by something, he tends to maintain his politeness. We see this in instances like Kalim dumping a whole pot of sugar into his tea (in Jade’s School Uniform vignette), as well as when Jade realizes that he and Floyd were being distracted while Savanaclaw broke into Azul’s contract vault (in episode 3). This isn’t all that different from his normally collected, smiling self.

But then we go the next layer down, which is when his patience wears away and Jade’s “true” self starts to emerge through the cracks. I think a good example of this would be in Ghost Marriage, when Eliza unexpectedly slaps him. There is a very VEEERY subtle change in Jade’s expression following this; he wears a neutral expression, but he loses the shine in his eyes, lending him a dull look. He doesn’t say anything out of anger or upset, but the look alone gives the impression that he wants to kill Eliza if she wasn’t already dead. Another instance that implies icy, calculating rage would be in episode 4, in which Jade describes (while smiling) what he would do to someone who betrays him. It involves verbal abuse to the point of inducing a mental break, binding his victim with rope, and then drowning them 😬 Not pleasant, to say the least.

The final layer is something I think we’ve yet to see in canon, but is often depicted in fan art. This would be Jade completely losing it and going feral. I don’t doubt that Jade has this side to him, especially with the warnings other characters give (such as Azul saying in Happy Beans Day that Jade is scarier than Floyd because he’s more difficult to anticipate), his origins in the Coral Sea, and his shady family (if Floyd’s own violent, angry state is any indication). However, I struggle to think of a situation where Jade would really lose a grip on himself and spiral into this state. I think the most we’ll get to see of Jade reacting to situations he finds displeasing is that cold, contained anger that I described in the last paragraph. If the situation is immediately serious, he’ll quietly plot a way to get back, to get even, with whoever has wronged him. If it’s not as serious, then reacting with just light surprise will do.

I don’t believe that equating Jade’s reactions to Azul’s makes sense, because they’re totally different characters with different backgrounds, even if their personalities initially come off as being “similar”. Azul is shown to be naturally more emotional and concerned with maintaining his image, as he comes from a background of being bullied and wants to be treated with respect so as to not be the same crybaby octopus that he was in his childhood. The same cannot be said for Jade (he’s not typically emotional, he doesn’t have the same values or concerns, and he wasn’t bullied as a kid; their family structures aren’t even the same), so we cannot draw the same conclusions about how he would react in certain situations.

I wouldn’t say that Rook is less of a schemer than Jade 🤔 but rather that Rook doesn’t use his schemes to do malicious things like Jade does. I mean, Jade’s over in Octavinelle helping his dorm leader track down personal information of new students so Azul can use it to manipulate them into doing his bidding later (see: Jade’s Ceremonial Robes vignettes)... while Rook’s using his big brains to manipulate the people chosen for the VDC team and to get Vil to recognize that true beauty doesn’t come from popularity with the public (episode 5). The tactics are still underhanded, but Rook arguably acts in ways that ultimately benefit others while Jade acts in ways that typically harm others. 

When Rook is confronted with something upsetting, he still finds a way to make light of it. For example, he remarks that Vil’s Overblot form is still beautiful, albeit in a twisted way, and in Glorious Masquerade, he described the crimson flowers as “not beautiful” rather than outright calling them “ugly”. He tries to stay positive in spite of it all--but he also has those moments when that sly smile creeps onto his face and his eyes narrow into slivers, and his cunning makes itself known. That makes me suspect that his true anger is very similar to Jade’s: a sort of cold and calculating kind of reaction, paired with a relentlessness to pursue his target to the ends of Twisted Wonderland.

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

A Safe Place: Part 6

Summary: Jake has one happy place. His pride and joy and comfort. When things go south, this is what he turns to.

Marc has started to rely on Jake to be his solid force. The unshakable rock that keeps them all stable.

Steven knows better. They are all delicately balanced on a thin wire.

What happens when one of them takes a spill?

Pairings: Layla x Marc, Layla x Jake, Layla x Steven

Universe: MCU

Warnings: Dissociation, Depression, DID, Habits of self destruction, discussion of mild self harm, talk of child abuse, depictions of eating disorders (in relation to depression), PTSD

Word Count: 5211

Previous Chapter HERE.

Part Six - What is a safe place? Will Jake ever have one again? How does Steven feel about his new role and responcibility in the system? Can Marc finally realize that he can bring his own comfort to the system?

--

They slept through most of the day. 

True to their word, Steven had been the one to decide to crawl out of the blanket fort to go to the bathroom, have a drink of water, or snag a snack before he crawled back in and curled back up in his comfort pile of pillows, blankets, and Layla. 

When Marc and Jake were close to the front, neither one of them was willing to try moving without Steven’s approval. 

They drifted in and out of consciousness and dreams faded in and out, some stressful and others just a faded haze that flitted through the stress and anxieties that they had not yet worked out. 

On more than one occasion, Layla had gently woken them up when their breathing increased and she could see the tension building on their face. Each time, they had buried down and reached for her hand. 

At some point, Steven had woken and frantically kicked off all the blankets and complained of being too hot until Layla brought them a glass of cold water to sip on before he had rolled over again and slowly re-buried himself in the discarded blankets. 

Finally, night fell and Steven woke with his face smushed into Layla’s stomach and the soothing sensation of her fingers stroking through his hair. 

He blinked up at her and glanced around. “Did we sleep the whole day?” 

“More or less. I’d say you had plenty of stressful dreams too.” She looked down at him and gently placed her hand against his forehead. “I’m pretty sure you were running a mild fever too. No sleep and wandering around in the cold and wet… I’m surprised you weren’t sicker.” 

Steven groaned and nuzzled into her stomach for a moment before he slowly sat up. “How were the other two? Today is pretty blurry. Have you spoken to them at all?” 

Layla watched him sit up, his hair an absolute mess and his forehead still covered with sweat. “A little. Marc didn’t talk much. He mostly just wanted to cuddle.” She smiled a little to herself. “I’ve never seen him get sick, you know. He’s a bit of a baby…” 

“One good benefit from Khonshu, I suppose.” Steven rubbed at his forehead, wincing at the stiff joints and headache forming there. “And Jake?” 

Layla hesitated then sat back. “I think he was dealing with the bad dreams. Fever dreams can be stressful. He didn’t talk much either, but he asked that I check on the car at least once.” 

“Did you?” Steven looked up at her apologetically. 

“I did. It’s still there in one piece.” 

Steven relaxed a little then sighed and closed his eyes against the headache. “This is going to be a regular thing, isn’t it? This anxiety now… Constant worry that it might be gone. That we’ll go out and find an empty spot again.” 

“He could get a better parking spot. You have the money for it. He could even pay for a parking garage or something with security. Or just upgrade the car with a security system or something.” Layla reached for the cup of water and held it out for him to drink. 

Steven sipped the water slowly. “It doesn’t matter. The damage is done. The trauma is there. I can feel it. Each time we turn the corner we’ll see the empty spot. We’ll feel that anxiety as we realized it wasn’t there. Any time we go anywhere… I don’t want this. We don’t need this new trauma. We have enough anxiety about other things!” 

Layla looked at him and felt her stomach clench. They came with trauma. It was a fact that she had learned to deal with. They came with things that she would never be able to understand or comprehend. They had anxieties over things that sometimes she couldn’t predict. They had triggers that snuck up on her. 

But she was learning. She was starting to figure out how to handle things and deal with things. She could navigate nightmares with comfort. She could navigate flashbacks with promises of security. She knew anxiety attack solutions that calmed them down. She could talk them down from panic attacks. 

The sudden idea that they were not immune to new trauma was deeply unpleasant. Outright unfair. Hadn’t they been through enough? How was she supposed to keep up if the maze of trauma kept changing? 

“Old trauma made new.” Steven muttered. “Trauma I didn’t even know we had and now it’s slipped out of containment and I don’t know what to do with it.” 

Layla bit her lower lip. “Jake normally keeps those things away, doesn’t he?” 

Steven groaned and set the glass down. “Yeah. This isn’t something Jake can just make us forget. I think he’s starting to realize how much it hurts us when we don’t know where the pain is coming from… But we still need to have a long conversation about what we can handle.” Steven glanced to the side and Layla realized someone else was talking to him. “Yeah. I know. Marc isn’t as ready to share in things as I am.” 

“What about you, Steven?” She took his hand gently and he squeezed it back tightly. “You don’t have to feel pressure to face everything either.” 

“I’ve been lucky.” Steven shook his head. “I’ve gone my whole life not knowing things. I can’t be that simple naive guy anymore. I have to know what makes us who we are.” 

“I worry about you… Trying to take on too much.” She looked at him, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “I know you are more than capable. I’ve seen you do amazing things! But… We all have our limits. Even me. If you spend all your time trying to take care of Marc or Jake or even me… When will you have time for Steven Grant?” 

Steven’s hands worried at one of the blankets. “I have plenty of time for me! I do self care all the time! I’m doing self care right now!” He sneezed and pulled the blanket up over his head as he winced so she wouldn’t see. 

Layla reached up and pulled the blanket down to look at him. “That isn’t what I mean and you know it.” She held out a tissue box to him. 

He took it gratefully and mumbled his apologies as he blew his nose. “I don’t have any trauma, Layla. I’m the one that got away with all the good times! Most of them even real.” 

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Steven…” 

He gave her a slightly petulant look then sank back down under the blanket. “How am I supposed to help if I don’t know what’s going on? It doesn’t matter if I like it or not. It didn’t happen to me. Why should I be upset by it? I just need to know so I can help.” 

“You can be upset because it happened to your friends. You can be upset because it shouldn’t have happened at all. You can be upset that it was so unfair to all of you.” 

“Upset that it was so bad that it caused me to exist in the first place.” He muttered. 

Layla let out a slow hiss through her teeth. She had been dreading this. This was something she had known was coming ever since she had learned about their condition. Really learned, and not taken Marc’s pitiful attempt to explain it. 

This was something she had thought about over and over again. “I am always angry that those horrible things had to happen to give me the three men that I love and care about so deeply that I don’t know what I’d do without you. I’m angry that the person you were supposed to be was taken away but I am so happy that it gave me you.” 

“I can’t be happy that I exist because a little boy was hurt by the people that were supposed to protect and love him.” Steven sniffled and she suspected that it was not only because of his stuffy nose. “How can I enjoy being alive when I’m alive because someone else died?” 

Rather than pull the blankets away, she let him keep his comforting shield and instead she moved to crawl under the blankets with him. If it had been Jake, she would worry about invading his space. If it had been Marc she would have brought him to her. With Steven, she went to him. 

Steven rubbed the tears from his face with the back of his sleeves as she curled up at his side, her head on his chest gently and an arm draped across his waist. 

“You are Steven Grant. You are kind, caring, compassionate, brave, and so very smart. You are a gift to this world and a treasure to me. You find the beauty in a world that has offered you so little.” 

Steven sniffled again then gulped hard. He snagged a few tissues and wiped at his face till it was red and still wet. “I’m sorry… The sickness has got me all worked up. I’m a real mess.” 

“Take your time.” She smiled and hugged him close. “You can be upset now and then, Steven. It’s okay to demand time to be vulnerable. You can ask for time to process things. You don’t always have to be the one to immediately step up to hold the world up.” 

Steven laughed softly. “No… That’s Jake. Holding up the world. I’m just there to keep us from flying apart. But… Maybe I’m the one that needs to cry too… I’m not sure Marc knows how to grieve or that Jake knows how to handle loss.” 

Layla thought about that for a moment. Marc absolutely didn’t know how to handle grief. He hid from things that threatened that level of pain. Usually behind Steven. Jake often acted like the pillar that kept them up and running. He was the one that knew and understood their past… But he had so little personal input on any of it. A man that set out to have no real stake in the game had nothing to lose. 

“I think you are right.” She turned to look up at him “But it also doesn’t mean that you’re the one that needs to cry for them.” 

Steven wiped his face with his sleeve again then nodded. “How’d you get to be so smart?” 

She laughed softly and buried her face in his chest. “I’m not much better, Steven. I could use a few pointers on how to take care of myself too.” 

He shifted and gently stroked her back. “Marc has some suggestions, but I’m going to refrain from repeating them. I’d also like to remind him that we are sick and those acts are often frowned on while in this state.” 

Grinning, she looked up at him. “That’s never stopped him before.” 

“Yeah…” Steven gave her a look. “That’s what he just said too. You two are far more alike than you realize. It’s scary, really.” 

“Well… This is nice too.” She sighed as he brushed her hair to the side and stroked the back of her neck gently. 

“Mnh.” He played with her hair for a moment, deep in thought. At last he looked at her seriously and she braced for the worst. “If you were on a boat in the Duat and Tawaret was driving it and you wanted to get back to the land of the living, would you really have helped Marc take her out and stolen the boat?” 

Layla opened her mouth then closed it again and stared. Sometimes it was best not to ask where his questions came from. “Setting aside the fact that Tawaret is lovely and I would never do anything to hurt her…even if I could… Yeah… I’d probably help Marc steal the boat.” 

Steven managed to give her a look that showed pure disappointment in her judgment skills but also be just a little impressed at the same time. “With you, I think anything is possible. …But please don’t help Marc fight any gods. At least not in that sense.” 

“We’ll leave all the negotiations to you.” She grinned up at him. 

“As you should. Someone has to make sure we aren’t getting screwed over.” He looked to the side and raised his eyebrows in mild surprise then scoffed. “Well I didn’t have all the pieces then, now did I? Whose fault was that?” 

Layla realized how rare it was for everyone to be present at once. How rare it was for them to all willingly communicate with Steven. Even more so, how rare it was that Jake showed his hand that he was lurking. 

Marc often scoffed that Jake was usually lurking just below the surface and watching things, but that he could never really tell. 

“How is everyone doing?” She hugged his waist a little and looked up at him curiously. 

“Um…” Steven glanced to the side. “Marc says he’s fine. We all know that’s a lie. I’d say he’s about mid for usual Marc behavior. He’d be out right now but he really doesn’t like feeling sick so he’s giving it a solid pass.” 

“Big baby.” She sat up a bit. “Guess I can’t lovingly dote on him and comfort him.” 

“Yeah no. He’s not buying it.” Steven grabbed a tissue and blew his nose. “Jake isn’t taking it either. Says the body’s all mine. Some protector.” He sank back into the blankets. “Thank you for doing all this, Layla… I don’t know what we would do without you.” 

“You’d do the same for me.” She smiled and moved to give him room. “I had the flu a while back and Marc took amazing care of me. He fussed over me like a mother hen, honestly. Even made me soup from scratch.” 

Steven blinked then frowned. “Marc says he can’t cook soup. Best he can do is open a can.” 

“Certainly wasn’t a can.” She laughed. “Homemade chicken soup. It was amazing. Really hit the spot in clearing my head too.” Her laugh tapered down and she stared at Steven. “Oh. …Oh.” 

“Weren’t me. I’d have remembered making soup for the most beautiful woman in the world.” He fussed with the blanket a bit. “Jake’s being pretty quiet about it, though…” 

Layla thought back. She’d been running a pretty high fever so it was a little blurry but there was something off about the memory. ‘Marc’ had been so quiet, humming softly as he made the soup and then gently rubbing the vicks vapor rub on her to help open up her sinuses. 

She thought back on the way he’d smiled as she sipped the soup carefully and the way he’d helped prop her up with extra pillows so she could eat easier in bed. 

The way he’d dabbed at her forehead with a soft and cool wash rag and the way he’d made her tea just the way her mother had when she was small. 

Layla looked at Steven, who kept his gaze down as he picked at the edges of a blanket. She watched the way his fingers paused for just a fraction of a second before he flexed his fingers and smoothed the blanket back out. 

“You really are good at hiding in plain sight.” She sat back and pulled her legs up to give him extra space. “You also like to put up these big barriers between you and the world… But you break your own rules a lot, don’t you?” 

Jake looked up at her, looking miserable with his red and irritated nose and his damp curls sticking to his sweaty forehead. He shrugged and let out a small cough as he looked away. 

“I don’t know that you really know what you want.” She found herself twirling the fringe of a blanket between her own fingers nervously. “It’s easy to pretend nothing matters to you and tell yourself that all you want is to be alone and locked up away from everything.” 

Jake shifted and cleared his throat a bit. “I did. It was easier alone.” 

“You can picture a pretty lonely life, Jake. A big empty flat all to yourself. Filled with your own things. A simple quiet life away from people. Your own rituals to follow. Come and go as you please.” 

“Not exactly something I can do, now is it?” Jake scoffed. “Marc might mind his own business but Steven has running commentary on everything.” 

“An ideal perfect life for Jake Lockley.” She sighed. “Safe away from the world… But then you would be away from the diner. I hear you have plenty of friends there. No one to drive around and chat with, either.” 

Jake brushed his hair back out of his face in irritation then looked at her. “I didn’t ask to hold all the bad memories. I didn’t ask to be the protector. I didn’t ask to be the one that they lean on and that keeps us standing tall.” 

Layla nodded. “No… I don’t think anyone would ask that. But I see you trying so desperately to make and keep a safe place and all I see is a man that doesn’t know what makes him feel safe.” 

Jake frowned and his lips pulled tight as he clenched his jaw. 

“It’s okay if you need to be in your own space. It’s okay if you want to sit in your car with the radio on or off and let yourself pretend that nothing else exists. It’s okay to hide in the closet when you have bad dreams. It’s okay to say that you don’t feel safe sometimes.” She held out her hand. “But maybe your safe place needs to be something that can’t be stolen or broken or invaded. You could build a fortress and lock yourself away in it, but there will always be a moment where it isn’t enough. Where the fortress becomes the thing you need to escape. Where do you go then?” 

Jake gently took her hand and let his fingers slide over hers slowly. “I’m not trying to lock you out… That was never the intention.” 

“I thought it was because you weren’t used to being around me. But… You took care of me. You’ve been around me longer than I even knew.” 

He sighed. “Letting you in… It’s harder than making friends or going to the diner or chatting up people on the street. I can walk away from those things. I can go home and forget about it. I like being around you, Layla. I love being around you. I’m not used to… If I love you, I have to protect you. If I love you, you have the ability to hurt me. To hurt us.” 

“You know I wouldn’t.” 

“You can’t promise that forever. You could hurt us so easily. We’ve hurt you plenty of times. It happens. You can’t keep bad things from happening all of the time. Things have a way of happening. A car gets stolen. A house burns down. A person dies… Things happen. And for just a few moments… When I’m in the car and in my own space, those things don’t happen. I can control my time. I can control what I experience. I can control who I let in.” 

“So what do you do now? Do we go back to how it was? Do you go and sit in your car and sometimes you let me join you? Or is that space tarnished with the idea that it could disappear so easily?” She squeezed his hand gently, afraid for a moment that he might pull away. 

He wove his fingers in hers and gave a gentle squeeze back. 

“Sometimes… It’s still my space. The fear of it disappearing will never go away now. But… I can make it my space again… But I think you’re right. I think safe for me is making a situation that I can control. A place where I can decide what’s happening and who is there. And maybe… Sometimes that’s me locking you out or closing the door of the closet. If that isn’t something you can deal with…” 

“And sometimes feeling safe is you making me chicken soup despite the fact that it risks us all finding out about you.” She brought his hand up and kissed his knuckles softly. 

Jake looked at her for a moment then reached up and gently caressed her cheek. “And sometimes feeling safe is you making a giant blanket fort for us to hide in all day while we sit out a cold.” 

She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. She felt him shift on the couch and slowly he moved closer till he was leaning against her. “When you need space, I will always be willing to give it to you.” 

His head leaned against her shoulder and he moved to hook his arm around hers till he was cuddled up against her full. “When you need to be close and reminded that you are loved, I will always be willing to give it to you, too.” 

She wrapped her arm over his shoulders and gently stroked his hair, moving it off his forehead gently. “Thank you…” 

“Mnh.” He sniffled and sighed. “I’m going to give the body back to Steven now… As much as I appreciate this and you… I really can’t handle the stuffy nose.” 

She laughed and kissed his forehead. “Go ahead. I’ll take care of you all.” 

Steven made a sound of displeasure and nuzzled into Layla as if that might somehow make all the pain of the cold disappear. “Those two seriously owe me.” 

“Poor baby.” She let him snuggle in. “Get some sleep. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“I could sleep forever like this with you here.” Steven mumbled. “I think we all could.” 

He drifted to sleep with a small smile on his face and for once, he didn’t seem to have any nightmares. 

–

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep anything a secret from him?” Steven muttered. 

It had been two weeks since the car was stolen and recovered. Jake had stopped going out to check the car at night after they had gotten sick and they were slowly working up to leaving it alone in the street for a full day without checking. 

There was still a great bundle of anxiety every time they left the flat to go anywhere. A little pain of fear that said the car might not still be there waiting for them. 

In that time period, Steven had woken up in the closet only once and Marc had agreed to let Layla pull all his hidden alcohol out and get rid of it. Steven suspected there was still a bottle hidden somewhere in the wall, but he was willing to leave it alone for now. Though if he ever woke up puking into the toilet again he was going to rip every board off the wall and ceiling till he was satisfied that the place was free of the hard stuff. 

“Yeah. I can imagine.” Marc sighed. “Hiding two whole people from you was way easier than this was.” 

“You ass.” Steven grumbled but he accepted the jab in good humor. “And it was three people if you count Layla.” 

“I missed two people that I lived with.” Layla spoke up. “I even held conversations with one of you!” 

Layla couldn’t help but smile as she walked down the familiar street with them. It had been a while since Marc and Steven had felt comfortable enough to share the body. It was a wondrous thing to watch as they seamlessly handed off the conversation and found a way to include her in what was normally very much a one sided conversation. 

She could only hope that this meant that things were starting to settle down inside and proper communication was opening up again. 

“Do you think he suspects anything?” She ghosted her knuckles across the back of their hand as they walked and Steven responded instantly, gripping her hand tightly till Marc nudged and wove his fingers between hers properly. 

“He was pretty pissy yesterday.” Marc muttered. “I think Steven had the right idea to hand it off to you.” 

“He’s not used to being the one left in the dark, I suppose.” Layla shrugged and patted her pocket to make sure the key was still inside. “Is he around? It would be a waste if we got there and he was out.” 

“You say that like he’s stepped out for a smoke. Where the hell is he supposed to go?” Marc snipped then flushed and looked away. “Sorry. I know. I know.” 

She waited for Steven to finish whatever he was saying to Marc in private. Marc was still very sensitive about certain things and it was sometimes hard to tell what might rub him wrong, but he was at least making an effort to be aware of when he took things the wrong way. 

“No need to apologize.” She squeezed his hand gently. “It was a poorly phrased question. I suppose he’s always around, but sometimes he doesn’t show up for days on end from my point of view.” 

“He’ll show up.” Steven looked around as they got closer. “I’m getting pretty good at all this system stuff, you know. I think Jake’s finally letting me have a bit more wiggle room. Becoming a bit more trusting that I’ve got things. Not like some people.” 

“You want to do this alone?” Marc shot back. “I’ll be more than happy to give you full reign.” 

Layla wrapped her arm around his waist and pulled him in, stopping them in their tracks. “Marc…” 

He gave her a stubborn look that said he was ready for a fight then he sighed heavily and put his face in his hands for a moment to recompose himself. “Sorry. Just… What if he doesn’t like it? Maybe reminding him of that time is in bad taste. Maybe this was a bad idea.”

“I think you should trust that sometimes you know more about the three of you than you think you do.” She kissed his forehead gently. “Come on. 

Marc nodded and followed, the worry lines on his forehead giving away his nerves. 

At last they stopped outside of a building and she waited while Steven ‘fished’ for Jake. It took more than a minute and she wondered what it must be like to look for a person inside your own head. 

She watched their blank face until the creases disappeared and jaw shifted forward. 

“What are you all doing? Why is Steven blocking me out?” Jake looked around instantly, taking in his barings and looking more than a little annoyed. 

“How else are we supposed to surprise you?” Layla offered him a smile. 

“Surprise? What for? I don’t need a surprise.” He instantly gave her a suspicious look. 

“Marc hates surprises too.” She laughed softly. “I won’t draw it out.” 

He watched as she fished out a set of keys and held it out to him. His eyebrow shot up as he looked at the keys. 

His attention shipped to the side as he listened to one of them say something then his eyes darted up to the building. 

“Are you kidding?” He closed his fist around the keys. 

“It was Marc’s idea.” Layla shrugged. “He said he thought he remembered that you might have an interest in this sort of thing.” 

“How much did this cost?” He stared at the large door before them. “That money is-” 

“It’s yours just as much as it’s mine.” Marc cut in. “You earned it the same way I did. I don’t fucking want it and Steven doesn’t need any more books. If you don’t like it then you can-” 

“What do you mean I don’t need any more books. I can’t help it if I enjoy reading.” Steven stepped in. “Jake, if you don’t stop fussing and just go look at it I’m going to go buy a bloody library.” 

Jake looked down at the keys then nodded and moved to unlock the smaller side door. Reaching in, he took a moment to find the light then hit another switch that activated the automatic door.

The large garage door slowly rolled upwards and the lights all flicked on to reveal their car. All along the walls were tools and some equipment meant to be used to handle basic car maintenance. 

Layla stepped inside as Jake slowly moved around the equipment, looking it all over with a critical eye. His hands ghosted across a few tools as he took inventory. He even paused to open a few drawers and shift around some smaller bolts and parts. 

“Do you like it?” Layla looked at him nervously. “Marc mentioned he thought you used to do mechanics in the army. We thought it might give you a chance to fix up the car and also keep it safe.” 

Jake stopped before a work bench, his fingers slowly tracing a wrench. He nodded just enough for her to notice. “Yeah.” He got out at last. “I… I like it a lot.” 

Layla relaxed and moved to stand beside him, looking at the bench. “If you need anything, Marc says he’s got a guy.” 

Jake nodded again then reached up to slide a hand through his hair. His fingers trembled just a little. 

“Oh, hold on.” She moved to a rack on the wall where a new hat hung. “Steven didn’t want you to get your good one dirty. In fact, Steven is pretty insistent that you wash up before going home. I think he’s worried you’ll get grease on his books.” 

Jake let the corner of his mouth twitch upwards in a small smile as he looked the hat over then pulled it on securely. He took a moment to slowly roll his sleeves up, noting how they had gotten dressed in one of Marc’s old coats. Steven was not about to let one of his sweaters into a garage. 

“Hey, Marc? Want to teach Steven how to change the oil?” He glanced at the various pans and containers that were set aside. 

Jake tilted his head to the side for a moment then smiled at Layla. “Steven has politely declined.” 

“I’m sure he was a proper English Gentleman about it.” Layla grinned. “It’s been a while since I had my hands in anything mechanical but I might still remember a few things. Do you mind if I stick around? I’ll just watch if you don’t want me to touch anything.” 

“I think things have been broken long enough.” Jake hesitated then handed her a wrench. “I’m ready to fix things.” 

He moved to his car and popped the hood, opening it up securely then looked over at her, gesturing for her to come closer with a small motion of his hand. 

She pulled her hair back in a tie then moved to stand beside him, gazing down into the inner workings of his world. 

He looked up at her with a smile. “Let’s get to work.” 

-End

[itsnothingofinterest]

Since we are definitely reaching the final climax of the Todoroki Family Saga in Chapter 390, looking back 100 chapters ago at Chapter 290 how satisfying was Dabi's Dance knowing everything we know now?

I love Endeavor as a character study, but I couldn't be the only one to feel happy when he got pushed into a corner by Dabi and saw him pathetically apologize to his family while crying.

I hope Shoto saves his family in time.

Well, that’s a tricky question. I mean if you’re asking for the entire fallout of 290, we’re talking about over a quarter of the series at this point. Lots to go over my thoughts on.

Thinking about it, I think I can confidently say a lot about Dabi himself was quite satisfying. I mean, I don’t like his mental deterioration, but then he might actually be fighting through that in this chapter, we’ll have to see. But other than that, it was great to get such insight into his character; I mean yeah we already assumed some of it was true in our fanon, but some of it was genuinely new info on him. And I found it neat how that was reflected in him being more close & open with the League post-reveal, an aspect to him I feel is easy to forget when we talk about his family so much lately.

Endeavor…it would be polite to call him a mixed bag. I liked him being treated as being in the wrong, as the one responsible for fixing this, and vindictively I liked when he's shown pathetically as you described. I also like that his family hasn’t really forgiven him at all, they just expect him to help save Touya; kind of using him the way he used them. That said it was already laborious to sit through his pity parties before 290, and that has not improved. Also the idea he’s expected to make up for his mistakes is really hurt by how little he's really done. He dodged his responsibility so much in that time for the AFO fight (which he really wasn’t needed for) that in 100 chapters he’s said one (1) nice thing to Touya, “I don’t want you to die,” and that’s it, that’s how much he’s personally made up for things with Touya. (Unless you count literally looking in his direction.)

Shoto; I still don’t think is ready to save Touya. He’s only thinking about one of his brother’s issues & he’s not very sympathetic to him on it because of how much of a villain he’s been. I mostly feel bad for him, for being put in this situation having to clean up the his dad put the family in; specifically because I don’t think he’s as well equipped to do that as everyone around him thinks he is. He can stop the bomb, yeah, but he doesn't seem ready to reach his brother. (Incidentally may I direct everyone to my part 2 theory again?)

And I guess to end on my overall thoughts on the plotline: I do overall like it, even if some aspects of it feel off or rub me the wrong way. Mainly because I approach it from the angle of Dabi, who has become such a great character through it; and I was already a big fan to begin with. But I'm just not convinced it's ready for its climax as you describe when his relationship with his family is still so rocky that 'Mr. Closed-Off' here might be closer & more accepted in the League right now. So there's some dissonance there for me I'm not sure what to do with.

Eh, I'll figure it out as the plot develops further.

[evax3]

Heya! I wanted to ask you… do you have any hope that the books will come out and we’ll finally know the real ending? And what do you think Jon and Dany’s endings will be? I keep on being optimistic we will get the real ending. And all I need for it to be perfect is Dany and Arya and Jon (my three favorites) surviving and being able to find peace and happiness after the hells they all suffered. As much as I want Dany and Jon to be King and Queen, I’ll settle for them living. But what do you think?

Hello my friend, thank you for the ask!! :)

regarding the books, I'm sure we’ll get to know the ending some day, one way or another. Whether they'll ever be published, I have little hope, but never say never. At least I assume that after his death there will be a "GRRM – Unpublished Works" collection or something similar in which we can read chapters from Winds and Dream of Spring as well as many other short stories about our faves. 

As for Dany and Jon’s ending, I highly recommend @hamliet 's meta’s. I love reading all of them but especially the analysis of Dany as a romantic heroine. It tells us so much about what we should expect for her endgame and why (it all makes so much sense!!). 

I assume Dany will set King’s Landing on fire. Not intentionally, but because her father hid the Wildfire under the city and Daenerys will accidentally blow it up with her dragons fighting against f!Aegon. I don't see her killing innocent people as some collateral damage, but I see her fighting her enemies with fire and blood (which imo makes all the difference).

The incident in KL will throw her into a crisis and I think only with Jon's help she’ll get out of it and pick herself up to fight with him against the real enemy aka the Others (I’m sure their decision to form an alliance is one of the last scenes of TWOW and in ADOS they’re already a couple romantically involved with each other). 

So I guess Winds will be about Dany conquering Westeros while Jon is a little lost, has to deal with the aftermath of his mutiny and then later his parental reveal, while A Dream of Spring will be more about their relationship and the Battle for the Dawn. I think Dany will be Azor Ahai and save Westeros with Jon by her side, but no one will thank them for that because of what happened before in KL (and also the general prejudice against their family). And that this is one of the essential elements that make the ending so bittersweet (as George has indicated). 

She and Jon will be the true heroes, the bastard and the exile, but no one is going to see it or give them credit for that.

GRRM describes himself as a romantic writer and romantic literature is shaped by the fact that it focuses more on the inner conflict than the external conflict. So I assume that all 3 (Arya, Dany and Jon - who are also my favorites) are mainly dealing with their identity crises in the following books. What is their purpose in this world? How do people's expectations fit with their own desires and ambitions? By the end of the story, these questions should be answered.

I think Arya is pretty safe, when it comes to staying alive. I'm not quite so sure about Jonerys/Snowstorm. As much as I want it, because of course I wish for a HEA for my favorite ship, I actually don't see the two of them ruling together. I think they'll fall in love and Dany will get pregnant (because them having a family with each other has been hinted at way too much and unlike D&D, George isn't just doing that only as "clickbait"). But my fear is that only one of them will be able to see their child grow up… 

And I'm not even sure what I actually want for their endgame if anything were possible? Probably to pack up their baby, Ghost and the dragons and then emigrate, lol. Maybe to Lys or somewhere warm? But they both have too much of a hero complex to ever pull that off ❤️

[derangederensimp]

Uzui’s Fourth Wife: Chapter 8

Previous part | Masterlist |

CW: injury’s resulting in blood.

Authors note: you all for being so patient and sticking around! I plan on using my break from smut to finish off the story. There will be a lot of heart string pulling from here. I hope you enjoy.

-

When you finally awoke you were laying on a cold damp floor. There wasn’t any light reflecting off the walls or floor so wherever you were it most likely was a cave.

Your arm stung as you pressed against it, a warm fluid coaxed your fingers. You instantly recognized it as your blood. “I really don’t see why master Muzan would want you, your blood is not tasty. Bitter tasting, but I suppose whatever he wants he gets. Call me Akaza.” The unsuspecting voice startled you, making you try to curl up closer to the walls it was too dark to make out where the voice was coming from as it echoed.

“I’m not the one you should be scared of, I can’t kill you but if I could I wouldn’t even bother. You aren’t worth the struggle I had to put up with. I’m sure Uzui will soon find where I took you as you left a pesky trail of blood on the way here. I do love a chase.”

A light came from a flame from a lantern the demon was holding. His cat-like eyes memorized you, his hair pink with blue markings all over his body. You have never seen a demon look like this, he hated to admit it but he was handsome. “You may be wondering why Muzan wants you, well it’s because your once demon slayer partner Riku has been making killing humans a lot harder than it should be so what we’re going to do it take you hostage really and probably eat you, sending Riku into a rage where he will show himself to us and we’ll kill him solving our problem.”

“He doesn’t care for me” you said flat faced. “Well that can’t be true, his rampage on demons didn’t just start out of nowhere. One of the demons that managed to barely escape him said that Riku told him he had nothing else to live for so he might as well fight to death with demons.” Akaza said, his words shocking you. Riku couldn’t be that reckless could he? He never did things out of his character like this before and now he’s got a death wish out for himself. “Wouldn’t it be wise to let me go then before he finds out a demon has taken me?” You asked puzzled.

Akaza’s brows furrowing as he put his thumb to his chin “eh not really because we’re luring him to his death and wouldn’t it be nice to see your beloved one last time before you die?” Akaza said, laughing to himself at the shock on your face.

-

Uzui rummaged through the thick brush trying to find a trail of footsteps or blood but was coming up empty handed. Fear coursing through his veins that something terrible is happening to you and he failed at keeping you safe.

The day he declared you be his wife was different in his mind. When he saw you, he saw a girl annoyed to be involved in such tradition and a longing to get away. He wanted you to not have to be apart of that life serving for a man who only picked you for your looks. What he wanted was to free you and as much as it seemed like he didn’t know you he did. He kept watch of you in secret noting all the things you found enjoyable, the painting business you started, the food you loved the most, and who you kept in your company.

He was jealous of Riku, he wanted so badly time and time again to appear back into your life and take you away but that once annoyed face was smiling happy. He could’ve just let you live out your life with Riku but his father urged him to go and get you and so he did. Which in his mind was ultimately what got you into this mess.

Would Riku ever put you in harms way like this? All the years of watching you alongside him Riku did his best to keep you away from things deemed dangerous in his mind. Uzui would never forget the day he was watching the two of you for the first time after his crow told him you were in the company of another man. You two were walking back to your estate, Riku waved you off and the next thing Uzui knew, Riku was standing before him with a knife to his throat. “Who are you and why have you been following lady y/n around” Riku asked. His eyes piercing into Uzui’s. Jealously courses through his veins wishing he could’ve been the one in Riku’s place - be the one to make you happy and with one sentence he broke that for you. “I’m to be her husband, there will come a day I’ll come back here and take her with me”.

Riku retracted his blade and took a step back from him, staring him down. “Ah so your Lord Tengen. I’ll enjoy the remainder of my time I have her to myself then” Riku said, before disappearing into the fog.

-

Riku laid on the cold ground, hidden beneath the trees he held onto his sword while he slept. Even the slightly snap of a branch woke him up. A sigh of relief coming from him when he saw it was just his crow. “Lady y/n kidnapped by demons.” The crows squaks echoing in his ears over and over again living through the nightmares he often had. So many questions flooding his mind, “how did they get her?”, “Did Uzui leave her alone by herself somewhere?”, “Did he not fight for her?” Rage filling his veins at the thought of you becoming food for a demon.

His crow led him to where they last got sight of you giving a brief description of what the demon looked like. “Akaza” Riku mumbled to himself, ending up on the trail where you were last. He stood frozen staring at Uzui. Gritting his teeth at the look on Uzui’s face. Guilt.

-

“What have you done?! You were supposed to keep her safe” Riku seethed. His feet moving on their own till he was face to face with Uzui. “I was careless and lost in my own thoughts when she was taken. I know you will never forgive me but please help me save her.” Uzui said, lowering his head, he was in no position to fight, his wounds still ached.

Riku looked at the bush that held onto a piece of your clothing stained with blood his stomach sank as the thoughts ran through his mind that a demon had injured you. But just like Uzui he could not find a trail, no footprints, no scent, nothing. He looked up seeing beaches had been broken and followed along each broken branch. Uzui sulked behind Riku as they walked for what felt like hours till they reached a cave. A dim light radiating from the end.

A bone chilling scream echoed out as Riku took a step forward. Uzui was quick to run in without regard to his own safely Riku stood frozen, expecting the worst if he followed behind, balling his fists. Uzui stared down at you, falling to his knees and dragging you into his arms pressing firmly on the wound that was left but no one else was there.

Akaza appeared behind Riku, his hair standing up on his neck. “You see, we will give you two options. Join us as a demon or die. Of course it wouldn’t just be you we’d make sure your lover dies too. Without medical care I’d say she’d be on her way out soon” Akaza chuckled to himself. “What did you do” Riku hung his head down gritting his teeth. “Inflicted a wound that isn’t as deadly as it could’ve been but only if she gets the proper treatment soon she’ll live but I’m not letting her out of that cave till you submit to Muzan and become a demon.”

Without hesitation Riku sealed his fate. If it meant keeping you alive he would do anything. Akaza let him go to you one last time before he’d probably never see you again. He stared at your shaking body. Your skin lost its tone with the blood loss Uzui’s clothing was stained but it was the least of his worries. You looked up to see Riku, you believed your mind was playing tricks on you as you tried to speak, his hand rested on your cheek. “Save your words y/n you’ll be ok. Hang in there” Riku said, his voice soothing all your worries away. Fighting to keep your eyes open you started dreaming of a reality you wish was yours.

-

Birds sang waking you up, a cool summer breeze blew through the windows of the room turning your head and you were met with a black fluffy haired man. Riku you mumbled out, he shifted in his sleep wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his grasp. Your head rested against his chest but you were able to still get a glimpse at him but his form changed. Instead of his black hair it was replaced with longer white hair, his face changing to Uzui’s. But instead of your heart sinking and trying to get away you melted more into his warm embrace. A sigh of relief came from your chest as you drifted off back to sleep. Creaking of floor boards your eyes shoot wide open again but this time fear set in when you stared at a demon that looked like Riku. His fangs showing as he creep closer and closer, you shook Uzui but he did not wake up.

Startling yourself awake, your chest heaved up and down, you looked around recognizing the room you were in. Back at the butterfly estate. Uzui had his head resting on the side of the bed his hands clasped around your hand not attached to an IV. He picked his head up noticing your movement, the look on his face made your heart ache, his eyes were puffy and when you tried to sit up you winced in pain. “No, no don’t move. Don’t want to reopen the wound, just relax.” Uzui’s voice cracked.

You laid back down gripping Uzui’s hand tighter, he looked so hopeless and drained. “Have you slept at all?” You asked for stroking his hair with your other hand. “No”

“Why not?”

“How could I? with you like this. I don’t deserve to rest I didn’t protect you like I promised myself I would”

“Well alive so that’s all that matters Uzui” you said caressing his cheek.

How were you so forgiving when your life could’ve ended if Riku didn’t show up to save you. What got into you to show him your undeserving affection. He placed his hand over yours that held onto his cheek. He dreaded having to tell you what deal Riku made but for now he needed to let you heal.

To you Uzui was the one to save you, the last thing you could remember was Uzui pulling you into his arms and slipping in and out of consciousness as he carried you back to the butterfly estate. You were grateful that he found you in time. But the nightmare you awoke from crept in the back of your mind. Fearful that it could someday become your reality. You wondered how Riku was doing and hoped he wouldn’t get himself killed. Completely unaware that he was there in that cave with you and Uzui.