#we’re in the thick of it now so we’ll see how writing goes today haha

[ssreeder]

Quon: I’m a reasonable captor, so I apologize that your were assaulted under my watch

Zuko:

Quon: Anyways I’m going to excessively drug you and break your fingers as punishment

Also don’t tell me the reunion will be happy one when Zuko’s being held captive by Long Feng. I KNOW what happened to Jet in canon when he was captured. You’re scaring me

On the other hand, I was kind of expecting Shen to be killed in chapter 3. So at least he’s alive (for now)

Hahaha, you have nailed the Quon mindset & I love you for it.

Oh yeah, Jet did NOT have a fun time with Long Feng & based on Zukos reputation with captors… I don’t see this going very well either. :D

Shen is living on borrowed time, he absolutely should be dead by now ;)

[multi-obsessed-fanfic-writer]

Monster (Draco Malfoy x Reader)

Author’s Note: Hey guys! The overwhelming amount of love that my last post is getting is insane, so I decided to post this short little Draco drabble to say thank you. I’m not sure how it turned out, so let me know if you like it at all haha. I wanted to kinda take a twist with the classic dark mark trope. This is also kinda open-ended for a part 2 if y’all want :) But anyway, thank you for all of my new followers and I’m so happy that each and every one of you are here! My requests are open, my DMs are open, and my asks are open if you just wanna know anything about me! I love having mutuals on here, too, so let me know if you want to be mutuals. Thank you!! <3

Summary: Taking the dark mark is never a good decision, so how will it affect you and Draco’s relationship?

Monster

Draco Malfoy x Reader

Word Count: 1,662 (quite a bit shorter than the last one lol)

Warnings: angst. a lot of angst. sorry

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. The two of you were supposed to be normal for just a little bit longer. You had to go and ruin things.

“Draco...I need to tell you something,” You whisper, running your hands through his hand. He hums, turning his head to gaze into your eyes. You smile sadly down at him.

“What’s wrong, darling?” He muses, reaching a hand up to brush your cheek. You sigh into his hand subconsciously, knowing this moment can’t last much longer.

“You’re going to be upset with me,” You murmur, opening your eyes again to stare into his piercing silver ones. They stare back questioningly.

“You know I can never stay mad at you for very long,” He reassures you, sitting up to be face-to-face with you. He senses the seriousness in your tone.

“My...my family gave me a decision a couple weeks ago,” You start, taking a deep breath to keep your voice even, “it happened earlier today.”

“What happened, love?” Draco looks concerned now, sitting up even more to search your face for any possible answers.

“I took the mark.” You whisper, looking down to avoid seeing his reaction. He stills in front of you.

“You took it?” You hear the forcing of his words, almost like he’s choking them out. You look up at him and see the absolute hurt in his eyes. The brokenness.

“They didn’t give me much of a choice, it was either that or--”

“You took the dark mark?” He asks, reaching for your wrist. You shy away from his grasp, bringing your tender wrist to your chest. He looks even more betrayed by your gesture.

“Draco, they...they threatened my family... I-- I didn’t have a choice.” You stutter out.

“There’s always a choice, (Y/n),” Draco stares at your wrist, not you.

“There wasn’t. Voldemort said he’d kill them all if I didn’t step up. I had to, you don’t understand...my parents, my sister. I couldn’t do that to them.” Your lower lip starts to tremble at the memory.

“You could’ve asked for more time or- or asked your sister to step up instead. Why you? Why now? What about our promise to each other?” He asks, clenching his jaw as he asks questions that you don’t know the answer to.

“I don’t know why me...I don’t know why now. But our promise--”

“Is broken.” Draco finishes for you, his eyes finding yours again. You feel like you’re staring into fractals of his soul, shattered into pieces by you and your impulsive decisions.

“No, no we can still be normal, Draco. We can still be together. I-I mean it’s only a matter of time until you have to take it, too. We’ll be in this together at that point. There’s a choice we’ve made in this war--”

“No, there’s a choice that you made in this war. And you made that choice earlier today. After we had promised...that we’d make the opposite choice. We were going to run away together, (Y/n/n)...what happened to that? What happened to us?” He murmurs, and you see his eyes gloss over. Tears prick at your own eyes.

“We’re not gone, baby, we’re still here. Once this war is over, then we can run away together as we planned. I promise.”

“Your promises are starting to sound like a broken record.”

The breath gets knocked out of your lungs at these few words and tears start to spill down your cheeks. He doesn’t believe you.

You’ve lost his trust entirely.

“Don’t say that, Draco. Don’t say that.” You plead, grasping for his hands. He lets you take them, clutching them close to you.

“I’m not sure I can do this, (Y/n)...I never wanted to choose this side. You know that more than anyone,” He mutters, tracing your hands. You sob, unable to wipe away the tears streaming down your cheeks. You know you look like a mess right now, but that couldn’t be further from your mind as you beg for Draco to stay with you.

“Please...for me? We always promised that we’d be there for each other through thick and thin...through everything, right?” You cry, starting to shake furiously throughout your entire body. Draco’s oddly still for a moment.

Then, he rips back your sleeve to reveal the mark in all of its hideous glory. You try to wrench your wrist out of his grasp, but he’s much stronger.

“That was before you became one of them. Before you took this dreaded mark….this dreaded oath. To serve the dark lord.” Draco spits with venom in his voice. You stop struggling against his grip, staring at the mark with him.

Something in you shifts at his cold words, causing you to still and the tears to slow.

“You think I’m a monster,” You let out lowly, face stoic and turned cold as you look up from the mark to your boyfriend.

“I never said that…” He trails off, meeting your eyes. He looks… scared. Of you. 

“I can see it in your eyes, Malfoy. You’re afraid of me. Of my power. You’re afraid of what I’ve become because you thought that the sobbing girl in front of you was capable of something terrible. Tell me, Draco, do you think I’m capable of terrifying things?” You ask him harshly, clenching your jaw to prepare for the answer.

“This (Y/n) is not the same one that I fell in love with,” He lets out, face turning from cold to confused again. He knows he’s struck a chord, and now he’s trying to figure his way out.

“Maybe you just didn’t know who you were falling in love with if you think me capable of such horrid things….” You muse in a low tone, rising to your feet slowly. Draco remains seated as you tower over him for once.

“(Y/n)...what’s happening?” He asks, and you see him switch to defensive mode. He starts to reach for his wand in his inner pocket. You’re quicker than him, though, and you quickly whip out your wand.

“Expelliarmus.” You murmur, watching the wand fly across the room. Draco stands but makes no move to retrieve the wand.

“(Y/n). This isn’t you. What are you doing? What changed?” He asks, reaching out to cup your face. You brush his hand aside, your face remaining stone cold.

“You made your choice. You don’t get to reverse that and try to trick me back into your arms. What changed, you ask? I saw my boyfriend...my ex-boyfriend...look into my eyes with fear. I saw him think of me as a monster, as a murderer. I’ve done nothing wrong, yet, Draco! Don’t you see that! I’m trying to remain blameless! I tried to stay with you.” Your stoic facade starts to crack at the edges, showing some of the anger and sadness you’re feeling deep inside.

“You don’t know what you’re saying. This is the mark speaking or something. Please, (Y/n/n), fight the darkness. I...I’m going to try my best and do the same. We’ll make it through this together,” He promises, reaching out another hand. You take a step back.

“You’re just using your smooth words to trick me. You’re still afraid. This is a defense tactic….I’m scaring you. You still think I’m going to hurt you.” A tear slips down your cheek and you look away.

“No, (Y/n/n), you would never hurt me. I know that,” He whispers, taking a cautious step toward you. You look up at him, rage now evident on your face.

“Says the man taking his steps toward me with caution. Says the man who’s still using the same defense tactic I’ve already called you out for! You’re...you’re scared of me. Admit it. I...I’m a monster to you. You’ve already made up your mind,” Your words get softer as your sentence goes on, the rage leaving you as devastation and exhaustion sweeps in behind it. You slump against a table, setting your wand down.

You would never hurt Draco, would you?

Would you?

“You’re upset. You’re in a frenzy. You just need to calm down, (Y/n). Please, we’ll talk about this once you’re no longer upset, okay?” He murmurs, and you’re too tired all of the sudden to stop him from picking you up and setting you down softly on his bed.

“...’m sorry,” You cry softly into his sheets.

“Shh, I know. I know.” He strokes your hair as you drift into a fitful sleep.

~+~

You wake up to rays shining through Draco’s large window. You rub your eyes and look around the room, not seeing Draco. He must be downstairs.

You swing your feet over the edge of the bed, hissing as you feel a stinging pain in your wrist. You lift your sleeve to see the taunting mark on your skin. You itch at it for a moment, only to realize that it won’t ever help. You sigh and stand up, spotting a small piece of paper on the bedside table. You pick it up and start to read the writing on it.

(Y/n),

I’m sorry. And I know you are, too. But I had to go. Maybe we can make up in the future after the war sometime, but right now we’re on opposite sides. And you’re right. I was scared of you. So I left. I won’t be back, not for a long time, at least. Not unless it’s against my will. I hope things get better in the future because I do love you. This is the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a long time. If you can find it in yourself to love me, too, after everything...wait for me. I’ll do the same.

Love,

Draco

You feel your heart rip to pieces in your chest, the events of last night dawning on you. You had almost hurt him. And now, because of your stupidity in the entirety of yesterday, he left you.

And you have no one left to turn to. 

[playdohmichelangelo]

metalocalypse x american dad crossover fic wip from a txt file i found on my desktop [1.2k words]

''Dad, why is there a giant, evil-looking truck in front of our house?''

Stan, sitting in the living room armchair, not looking up from the book he just started, which was titled ''How To Look Up From A Book.'', replied:

''Probably just some of my homeboys from the C.I.A dropping by. I wouldn't worry about it, Steve. O-Oh- and the C.I.A. isn't evil! We're the good guys.''

''It doesn't look like a C.I.A. vehicle, dad! It's like a slow-moving castle, out of heavy metal.'' Steve spoke while nervously fiddling with his fingers. ''It's like it's owned by metalheads!''

Stan looked up from his book, his attention caught. ''Metalheads? You mean those long-haired worshippers of the DEVIL? That's not right...''

''Yeah! Like Haile-''

Stan pushed him aside and looked out the window, eyes squinting. There it was- an ominous chunk of black and red, taking up both sides of the street. It looked like a whole building rather than a vehicle.

''Hmm, looks like a blockage.'' Roger commented while snacking on bacon Tuc crackers and getting crumbs everywhere on the floor.

''You might want to put something on, Roger, I think they're here to visit us!'' cried Steve.

''They are not going to invade my kingdom!'' panicked Stan. ''Not one filthy, booted step on my clean American property!''

He ran outside and Steve followed.

''What's going on?'' came from Hailey, who was behind.

''Hayley, do you know what this is about? Why aren't they leaving? You know, *them*?'' Stan gestured at the vehicle in front of them.

''Oh... Oh my God!'' Hailey gasped. ''We won the Dethklok-family sleepover raffle that I signed us up for!''

''You WHAT?''

''Dad, you know what this means? Dad! They're the biggest death metal band in the. Whole. WORLD!'' She squealed with glee.

''Death... Metal? Deathclock? Well, I can't allow this! They are NOT getting anywhere near us. I forbid it!''

''Dad, dad, it's okay- it's...'' She sighed. ''It's five white guys, dad.'' Hailey whispered to Steve. ''But none of them are straight.''

''...And they're famous?''

''Oooh, wait, I know them!'' Steve exclaimed. ''Hailey listens to some of their tracks sometimes when you're not home, like I Ejaculate Fire and-'' Hailey covered his mouth with both her hands. ''Haha, well, it's, um... It's awful that they're spreading so much steam into the athmosphere with the... Mordcar? Dethcycle! I hate them too, like you, dad! I swear. But they're only going to stay for ONE night! Daddy, please? It's a one-in-a-billion chance! We were picked!''

Stan sighed, deeply. ''Just one night. And then they'll leave. And you'll owe me, Hailey. But how are we going to house 5 people? 5 cavemen with long, filthy hair, at that, schreeching about the Devil and... Uhh... Iron..''

''I guess they assumed the fans who signed up would worry about that.'' Steve answered while eyeing the contrast in size between their house and the vehicle.

The Dethcar/Mordcycle entrance doors slid open with the speed of molasses dripping off a spoon, with thick fog creeping outside dramatically, of course, setting quite the scene. Stan stared in awe.

''Pickle, we amsn't suppossed to smoke weeds today!'' cast the whine of one of the silhouettes at the step.

''Sorry, Toki, I ferget we hed a theng today. Jus' ventilating for a moment.''

''It's okej. But look, we's here!''

''Oh sheet, lemme just discard dat real quick-''

The man with the hair that looked like a red octupus dropped his blunt onto the grass, roughly massaged it with his sneaker, and kicked it under the Dethcar. He looked at Stan and grinned mildly apologetically.

As the guy next to him with the catfish whiskers gently facepalmed, more people came out of the car.

''This is it? SO tame. Talk about *regular* jackoffs. Ugh. We could've gotten the apartment of a crackhead, at least that'd be interesting'' scoffed the man whose face could've had murder written on it. He stepped forward and headed towards the front door, pushing Stan out of the way.

''Hey! Don't you touch me with those.. Eugh, those ogre sausages!'' Stan asserted. ''How are you so ugly?'' he added, with genuine confusion.

''Gee, thanks, you suit. Don't you know who I am?''

''I really don't.''

The man with the Murderface seemed disheartened, just for a moment. ''Duh, I'm William Murderface, songwriter and lead of the second most famous band in the world, aka Dethklok, and also the mastermind behind THE most famous band in the world, Planet P-''

''No, he's not.'' came from the living personification of ''death metal''. He stepped right in front of Stan. They were pretty much of the same height and physique, but something about the stranger made him more intimidating than the plain-faced suburban man we know as Stan.

''I guess we'll be staying here tonight. I'm Nathan Explosion. I don't know why I said that, you already knew. Whatever.'' He shrugged, sighed, and stepped inside like the faces of awe of the winning family meant nothing to him.

Another man, who looked like an elf and also a birch tree, just followed, silently. But he did stop for a moment and seemingly checked out Hailey, squinting his eyes and touching his chin like he was comparing products at a food library. He went inside as well like it was nothing. He and Nathan sat on the couch and watched the TV.

''Hold on...'' spoke Nathan. ''This TV doesn't have The Dethklok Minute. The fuck?''

''Dat's ams strange.'' came from the other man, now even more obviously European. ''Oh wells. I don't haves my guitars with mes. Just puts on whatever.''

Nathan, handling the remote, asked ''You cool with... Damn, they have every season of Grey's Anatomy. Wanna see that?''

The other man shrugged. He casually pulled out some sort of toy and started fidgeting with it to busy his hands. Probably plays a lot of guitar...

Stan was appalled, these people, waltzing in... At least the elf took off his shoes. And there's more... The duo from before, they approached them as well.

''They're getting comfortable like it's a party! Wouldn't expect anything less offensive from lost men such as these.'' Stan pouted. ''You there, young man!'' He pointed at the catfish man, who was in the middle of taking off his shoes after realising the kitchen floor might be slippery. ''Huh? Mes?''

''You seem polite.''

''Thank yous! I'ms Toki, Dethklok's... Supporting guitarist!''

He handed out his hand in the shape of one half of a handshake. Stan hesitated, but he accepted it. The man's grip was a lot firmer than Stan expected. ''So, ums... What rooms ams I sleepings in?'' ''There's a spot under Steve's bed.'' Stan suggested, coldly. ''You thought I'd be nice to you, huh? Well, you thought wrong! You're still an enemy!'' ''Enemies? Buts I just gots here-'' ''No protests, son. Now go to your room.'' ''???'' ''...Steve will lead you there. Steve?''

Steve's head perked up. ''Yes?'' ''I need to deal with this one man with long hair hiding a lot of sin at a time. Toki's sleeping under your bed tonight.'' Toki frowned. ''You're parternings me ups with a kid because you thinks of me as a kid?'' Stan crossed his arms. ''Yes.'' Toki cursed under his breath. ''Fines! Let's goes, Steve.'' As he and Steve stepped up, he asked: ''Do yous haves any video gayms?''

''Now, where was I... Wait, where's triangle-hair guy?

[didn’t write past this lol]

[tothedarkdarkseas]

D'you feel like Gorillaz has become more gentrified? Like, they've really reversed a lot of the character design from Phase 1 imo. I can sort of see where "soft boy Stu" is coming from; looking at Humility versus Tomorrow Comes Today, there has been a huge departure of character. Same with Noodle (who is showing more cleavage than any other phase) and Murdoc (who seems to take himself MUCH less seriously). What do you think?

Hi anon! This has been tough for me to answer because there’s such a tension in the fandom right now, and as ever, I’m sort of the most useless type of person who falls a bit in the middle. I’m just doing a bit of stream of consciousness here, so I’m sorry if it’s ever unclear!

To start, I want to clarify that I do understand what you mean by “gentrification” in a more colloquial media setting like this, and I don’t want to seem pedantic, or like I’m picking on you or disagreeing-- but for me, “gentrified” is not really the word I would use to describe Gorillaz. Again, that isn’t me try to point to the dictionary and contest the meaning on paper, words evolve with us as our usage of them evolves, and in this context I’d infer it as meaning the project is being made more profitable for white and upper-class voices at the chief cost of devaluing marginalized people. Now, I know we’re talking about the characters here, but... Gorillaz is always a bit weird to talk about because it’s such a multi-faceted project, and I do have some regretful feelings that the work of hundreds of people often goes dismissed in the full scale of the “is Gorillaz bad actually” conversation. I do apologize if it seems like I’m willfully misconstruing the question to push the subject, I promise that isn’t my intent and I’ll get back on topic-- it’s just something I’d like to express some appreciation over while we’re discussing the good and bad of the project. There aren’t many bands in existence, and none on their level of mainstream fame in the English-language market, who bring this many POC artists to the forefront, heavily featuring not just superstar crossover collaborators but smaller indie or unknown artists performing on a larger stage without being asked to compromise the culture in their music. The fact that Song Machine has three non-English languages featured on different tracks, including Xhosa, is pretty cool and not something you often stumble across. That doesn’t mean the band, real or fictional, is perfect by any stretch-- but I’ve never gotten the sense that the collaborators are being used by Gorillaz or asked to follow only what they’re told, but that the band backs the collaborators in making the music they bring to them.

I recognize that’s not entirely on topic for this question, but it’s sort of aimed at the broader conversations happening right now I guess. Like, we’ve all been seeing a lot of strong feelings about the band by now, haven’t we? So er, y’know, hot on the heels of this album, I just wanted to ramble about my opinion on the band’s side of it, and whether Gorillaz as a band has lost what makes them special. As far as the music goes, no, I don’t personally feel that way, so I’m still pretty jazzed on this album.

As for whether the characters have been moving in reverse or stagnating-- I’d have to agree, yes, I look at soft boy Stu and it feels pandering. That isn’t necessarily to discount that anything of value has come from Gorillaz since then, they’re just... rather inconsistent. Truthfully, it’s difficult to speak to because I do have to take into account that my vision of the characters isn’t really entirely in-line with canon, even the older canon, but is much less so with the newer stuff. I can’t say there aren’t moments that have frustrated me, between art or interviews-- and it’s the things I know earn me ire to express because it is a selfish want, it’s the cute stuff people like that I often don’t, and so I have to step back and assess what is an objectively (or as close to objective as we’ll get) disagreeable direction, and what simply doesn’t gel with what I want the characters to be. I think it’s very often the latter, but of course there’s part of me-- as there is with near everyone in the fandom-- who thinks that something I really dislike is inarguably not as compelling. On the flipside, there have been bits scattered here and there that did gel with my ideas of the characters (this refers primarily to Stu and Murdoc) that seemed completely reviled and rejected when they happened. Er, so the wishy-washy thing I’m getting at is: yes, Gorillaz is surely different. In particular Stu is written and drawn quite differently, to the extent that there is a completely fractured image in the fandom of what “in character” means for him, and I’m not always happy with everything we get. I’ve had to just “distance” myself from canon-- which, to be quite honest, even though this is a popular mindset with shippers I don’t actually say it with much pride. I do have a sense of embarrassment at how it sounds for me to say it “doesn’t matter” if it’s in-character when I guess I’ve wished that I was... I don’t know, doing some kind of good and thoughtful thing for the character and his potential, rather than just writing him as an OC, which is what it increasingly looks like I’m doing. (Hell, it increasingly is what I’m doing, and I don’t love to feel that way but in the effort of honesty I do recognize it.) For Murdoc, I don’t personally mind his presentation nearly as much, though I can see how he’s leaning more cartoony by the day. While there were some missed opportunities for better Debunked sessions, better interviews, or better videos, I haven’t been totally wrong-footed by him either. At worst, the jokes we’ve gotten from him have felt a bit toothless, and at best I’ve also felt like there were some winners in there. I’d be glad to simply ignore the “plot” around the portals, but even when engaging with it, I can see the idea behind having Murdoc aimlessly chase them-- maybe for profit, maybe for control, maybe just because they exist around him and it is his core driving need to take and to have. That isn’t to say it’s handled as well as it could be, but I sort of just... look past it to be frank with you, haha. It hasn’t been spoiling me on Murdoc, I suppose. That’s just my own feeling, though.

I’m staying optimistic that the almanac will have some funny Murdoc bits, but I’m more nervous about Stu’s parts of it. I have hopes and fingers crossed, but I also have a lot of fear based on the direction Stu’s gone in for a while now. Yes, it does bum me out quite a lot, I admit. Hope springs eternal, though, and I do still perhaps foolishly believe that Jamie and the writers have a bit more love for mumbling, zombie-faced, “a bit thick” laddish Stu than they do for the soft boy and they might make some efforts to give us something. Touch wood.

If I’m being honest though, despite taking issue with a lot of choices I haven’t lost my love of Gorillaz as a project partly because I sort of think we’ve had rose-tinted glasses toward previous phases, and there is some extent of editorializing that goes on about the band’s history. I think Gorillaz’s plot writing now is pretty bad, but I also think Gorillaz’s plot writing has always been pretty bad. I think it rides on the characters like it has always ridden on the characters, and it is uneven in that respect because it has always been uneven. I think these statements-- that it is worse now, and that it is not actually a steep decline-- both feel true for me, but I can’t say how true they feel for you! And that’s alright! Just my two cents. It’d be a lie to say I’m thrilled with everything over the past two years or so, but it’d also only be hurting myself to lean into the frustration and force myself to become more upset if I have the ability to compartmentalize and make my peace.

[sugod2-22]

09:33 AM Sigh! I feel so tired. Currently still lying on my bed writing this. I woke up a lil earlier, around 8 AM. See, it's just the third day and I'm already struggling to get out of bed! Sucks! Well it's my day off so that's why I'm extra lazy. But I have to meet up with a friend today so I gotta start getting ready soon. We'll just catch up ya know, have lunch. She said she's gonna treat me haha! Let's see how it goes. 08:38 PM So I got home around 6 PM. I really had a great day today! Like we haven’t seen each other for a really long time and we used to be so close back in high school. I mean, we’re still very close now. It’s quite amazing how some things never change between you and another person even after a long, long time. And knowing the fact that we were only classmates for 1 year is even more amazing to me. When I was younger, like a kid, I used to think that your close friend in a certain school year will change if you’re no longer classmates in the next, which happened to me and my bestfriend back in first grade. First grade, I guess that stuck to me and was really hurt by how she abandoned me. I am 27 now, and I just got reminded by how silly my mindset was at that time. Seems really shallow but makes me wonder if it’s the root of my abandonment issues? Anyway, we talked about a lot of stuff! About her life, my life, about our current careers, current interests, updates about our love life, and a lot more. I felt real comfortable sharing to her about that weird part of myself, the “psychic” part, so that’s cool. I think there’s a lesson here somewhere. That some people would come into your life for certain reasons. And when those reasons have been fulfilled, there’s nothing else to do but let it move forward to the direction it’s meant to take. Char... But hey there are also some people who are meant to stay in your life. That even how long the separation took place, when the soul bond is there, it will never go away. And that should be my focus, let people who are meant to leave leave, and the ones who are meant to stay stay. And geez, maybe I’m just thinking too deeply about this whole shit again! I guess that’s just me really. I’m all up inside my brain, thinking, and thinking, and thinking. That’s something I gotta deal with somehow, maybe even learn to harness it for my own advantage idk. Btw, she did treat me with everything! From lunch to dessert to coffee to even our cab expenses! Gosh I didn’t expect it to be that much but she insisted so I’m really thankful! Also, I bought this kid novel for a cheap price. I used to love reading kid novels when I was younger, for one, because of the pictures in it, second is coz it ain’t that thick as well. I’m like a Gaston and not a Belle hehe.

[xxreadersxx]

Longer story in which reader doesn't like when people touch her or are too loud around her (it's stressful and embarrassing for her) but slowly gets used to her boyfriend's touch. With Iwaizumi and/or Kuroo.

{Uwaah I’m tired! I somehow managed to write this haha! I made it more of an everyday experience with Iwa-chan~! I hope you like it! Thanks for requesting!!}

My quiet morning walk changes for the worst when I turn onto the road that leads to my new school. Gulping the remaining saliva in mymouth, I began my decent down the road, my destination: the school that isbrand new to me. It wasn’t my idea to start my second year at Aoba Johsai, butmy family decided the school was cheaper to attend than the one I previouslywent to. I was nervous, but I was determined to make it work. Plus, it wasn’tlike I didn’t know anyone at Aoba, I do have a boyfriend here after all.

Walking through the large gathering of student bustlingabout and chatting with each other, I tried my best to avoid any unwantedcontact. Scurrying over to the left-hand side of the front gate, I pulled outmy phone to re-read the messages Iwaizumi sent me. Passing a few buildings, andwalking through the courtyard, I found myself in front of the volleyball gym.

“Oh~? Is that (F/n)-chan I see?” Oh no…not now. I turnquickly, seeing the unmistakable sight of a certain brunette running towards me.My mind freezes, and I become unable to move. I didn’t want a scene, but withOikawa, that thought was shattered. Now he’s only about three feet from me, butmy legs feel like rocks, and my arms are frozen in front of my chest.

“I haven’t seen you in years~” He yells, reaching out,undoubtedly to give me an unwanted hug.

“You’re still as cute–ack!” Then his body is suddenly pulledbackwards, and he half falls backwards, a figure catching him under thearms. Oikawa looks up and his face pales. My boyfriend, the volleyball captain’s best friend, and ace, wasthe one holding him by the collar.

“I-Iwa-chan! That’s mean! I was just trying to say ‘hi’ to anold friend!” He tries to reason, but Iwaizumi’s brows were furrowed, and hismouth turned down in a frown.

“No. You know they never liked being touched, even if youare an old friend. Besides, I would appreciate it if you didn’t try anythingfishy with my girlfriend.” He gets quiet at the end, only loud enough forOikawa and I to hear. My face gets hot. Oikawa chuckles.

“Fair enough!” He says, putting his hands in the air indefeat. Iwaizumi helps him to his feet. Brushing himself off, he dramaticallybows a bit in my direction.

“Sorry for scaring you!” He says, his voice causing me toflinch, Iwaizumi sighs, and bops his friend on the head. Oikawa makes eyecontact with me, and I wave it off and accept his apology. He stands upstraight again, and we hear the warning bell ring. His face goes pale again,and he starts running towards the gym saying he forgot he had a meeting withthe coach. My boyfriend sighs again, and rest his hands on his hips, shakinghis head towards the back of his team captain, causing me to smile softly. Heapproaches me then.

“Are you ok? Sorry he can be kinda…extra.” He explains,rubbing the back of his neck. I smile, a light giggle escaping my lips.

“Yeah, I’m good, and I remember him, but he seems worse now.” I say, looking towards where he disappeared, I turn back to Iwaizumi. “It’s really nice to see you again.”  

We have been an item ever since the last day of middle school,but it was a little long distant. We both had high school, so we could onlyspend weekends together, but he had practice every free day recently, becauseof the upcoming sports season. He gave a calming smile, and replied. 

“I missed you, too. We should probably get to class. Here, I’llshow you to your class.” He comes up next to me, to walk next to me. Itentatively reached for his larger hand, but my hand shook slightly as itclosed in. Why does this have to be so hard? He’s my boyfriend. I breathed in,and close the gap, grabbing his hand firmly. He jumps a bit at the suddengrip, but then relaxes seeing my concentration face. He chuckles lightly. 

“You don’t have to push yourself. It’s been a while, afterall.” He says, pulling up my hand to look at it. My face gets hot, and I turnaway.

“I-I like to hold your hand. S-so don’t question my actions!” I say,my voice shaking from the amount of effort I had to put into it to make it loudenough for him to hear over the growing crowd.

As if knowing my growingdiscomfort in the increase in humans, Iwaizumi pulls my hand to rest behind hisback, so that he makes a little aisle for me to walk down, free from the occasional brush of the arm or shoulder. I gratefully accepted his help,and walked behind him, only about a foot from his back, watching as our feetmoved in sync. I smiled looking at his back, the muscles just barely visiblethrough the thick fabric. I then look at his hand, noticing how gently he isholding it, and I’m reminded of how much I love this man. My smile grows and Ionly look up when he stops abruptly, causing me to bump into his back. Hechuckles at me and my face gets hot. I pull on his hand a bit, a pout coming tomy face. He just smiles and hands me my printed schedule again.

“Here is your class.” He gestures to the door with my roomnumber on it. He then turns back to me. “I’ll meet you after school at the front gate, ok? Don’tleave without me!” He says, his smile becoming cheerful. I nod, and look at ourhands, still entwined, and frown. I just got used to holding it, now I have tolet go? My hand gets lifted up, and I follow it with my eyes as it rises up toIwaizumi’s lips. He kisses it softly, and whispers. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll let you hold it anytime you want, ok?” Hesays. I giggle, and pull my hand out, play slapping his shoulder, and helaughs. “Glad your getting comfortable. I’ll see ya later!” He says as he turnsand walks down the hall, presumably towards his classroom. I turn to entermine, and I breathe in, readying myself for the inevitable headache, as I walkin to the noisy classroom.

The day wasn’t too bad. There were some loud guys, andgossipy girls, but luckily, only a few people talked to me. I replied politely,but they quickly left me when they realized I wasn’t exactly sociable. Atlunch, I was sitting at my desk, about to enjoy my packed lunch, when a girlwalks up to the desk in front of mine, and sits down gracefully on the seat,facing me with a smile. A smile appears on my face as if she was using magic. I already remember her name from introductions earlier.

“Hello! It’s nice to meet you!” She says, her voice wassoft, and gentle, not at all like the loud students before. I sigh in reliefand respond in kind, smiling. We share our lunch time talking together, and bythe end, I can safely say that she is an acquaintance, but given a few days, Ican tell we’ll be friends.

As the final bell of the day rings, I smile softly, mynerves have stayed nice today. I pack my things up, say a quiet goodbye to mynew ‘acquaintance’ and walk down the hall. All I can think of is how much Iwant to share my good first day with Iwaizumi. I didn’t notice the group ofguys until it was too late. Walking past them, one of the outside guys getspushed in my direction, and next thing I know, I’m sitting on the floor. The hall went silent. Myday was going so well! Why did this have to happen? Tears sprang to my eyes asthe embarrassment set in. I quickly collected my dropped items, I heard somechuckling from the group the kid came from. I forced myself to glare up at them.Their eyes were all on me, and it sent a shiver down my spine.

“(L-L/N)?” I hear from down the hall. I look over thatdirection, and see Iwaizumi running towards me. The chuckles die down, as thegroup of guys realize who is running to my rescue.

“What happened? Are you ok?” He asks, his face covered inconcern. Reaching for some of my fallen items. I rub the tears from my eyes before I respond.

“A-ah..I tripped and fell, it’s ok, I’m ok.” I assure him, afake smile plastered on my face. His brow furrow and he holds a hand out for meto pull me off the cold tiled floor. I gratefully accept it, but immediatelylet go when I’m upright again. He glances over to the group of guys as themurmur behind our backs, casting quick glances towards us. Iwaizumi looks likehe’s about to say something, but I just pull on his sleeve. He takes one lookat my face, sighs, and turns to start walking. I catch up to him and timidlyplace my hand in his, his eyes flicker over to mine, and he clasps his fingersaround my hand. My eyes drift to the floor, watching my feet. As soon as we’reoutside, he pulls me to the side, and we walk over to a secluded shady area. Myface gets hot thinking about being caught alone with Iwaizumi, but then Iremember that it would be better if people knew the two of you were alreadytake. He abruptly sits, and pats the bench next to him. I sit slowly, and lookat him. He smiles and asks how my first day was.

Excitedly, I recall my newfriend, and he smiles at the story. The whole time we exchange how our dayswere, he gently rubs his thumb on the back of my hand. A smile creeps onto myface at this small gesture. I look up to his eyes and notice now that he looksa bit uncomfortable, and is looking at the ground at his feet. I tilt my headto enter more into his periphery.

“Iwaizumi? I-is everything ok?” I ask, squeezing his hand abit tighter. He turns his head towards me, a pained smile on hisface, I swallow. I think I know what this is about. I look around quickly as hesighs, shaking his head that nothing is wrong, and looks back to the ground.Breathing in deeply, I release his hand and instead grab onto either side ofhis face, swiveling it to face me. I then squeeze my eyes tightly, to block outhis surprised expression, and I place my lips firmly on his. It takes him onlya couple of seconds, and then he kisses me back. It was only a quick smooch,but that was my current limit. Pulling away, my face is now burning, and I turnaway from him slightly, and speak again.

“I-I’m sorry that I am this way…but–” I start to say, butmy chin is pulled to face him again. His features are painted with a gentlesmile and his eyes show understanding. My shoulders relax, the tension releasing. I return a smallgrin.

“I know you’re trying. I’m not trying to force you to doanything you don’t want. I’m here for you.” He says, his hand releasing from mychin, and for the first time in all my life, I felt like he released it toosoon.

My face fills with surprise, and he cocks an eyebrow. I smile andshake my head. Grabbing his hand tightly, I stand up and pull him with me. Hechuckles when I tell him he is going to be late for practice, reminding himthat if he was even a tiny bit late, Oikawa would unleash his wrath in the formof verbal picking…again. I’m really looking forward to this new school life, the feeling of excitement from new opportunities to get closer to Iwaizumi. 

[didiletyouknooow]

25. Factory Of Faith

Finally another chapter of Josh & Eileen! 

And I finally got more than 100 followers! Thank you so much for reading and liking my story. Thank you for the feedback and comments :)  I startet writing this story out of a spontaneous idea after I read @bemygetawayjz and now I wrote 25 chapters! But I got a few more ideas left! 

But I can’t promise that I’ll update twice a week due to studying and all this stuff you have to do for university. But I’ll try to do it!  In this chapter I mention a topic which I think is interesting for the story but can also be a problem if you’re really dating a famous person: fans.  Don’t take it too seriously, when Eileen checks out social media. But I think it’s kind of realistic that she has these fears.  Have fun reading! 

______________

On Monday we took a flight back to Berlin. Yes right, Josh accompanied me. He had to be back in the states on Saturday morning. Then their North America tour would continue. I don’t have to mention that it made me feel very happy that Josh came all the way to Berlin with me.

So the next days were all about spending time together. We slept very long on Tuesday until finally leaving the bed and had a nice breakfast in the afternoon. Later we took a walk, we talked a lot, bought some pizza, went back home, watched some films and had another very nice and deeply talk until the middle of the night. He told me about their touring problems, stressful days, boring interviews but also about great moments he had on stage in the last 5 years. Over the years he had some problems dealing with pushy fans. I knew he couldn’t handle such situations very well and he kind of hated it although he was thankful for the fans the band had. But it was hard for him suddenly being high-profiled. But I guess he did it very well and got more and more confident.

We spent the other days waking up early – because of our jet lag – visiting some museums, having dinner at great restaurants and having a date night together with Lara and Leon. For the first time it felt like a typical relationship. During the holidays it felt a bit weird because of all this stuff that had happened. Before the holidays, we still had to figure out where our relationship would lead us – well we still did but in November/December everything was very new to us. Although it still felt like being in a honeymoon phase I noticed that I kind of got to know Josh a little bit more each day. I knew that he was a late sleeper just like me, that he didn’t like talking too much in the morning because he needed time for him to wake up. He always scratched his noise when we were having an argument and he kneaded his hands when he was nervous.

 So on Friday afternoon we had to say goodbye for 4 whole weeks. My job would be finished on February 28 but because of Lara’s birthday on March 2 I decided to stay for a few more days until I would finally fly back to California. Back home.

Josh and I went to the airport and had some issues with leaving each other. Sure we both didn’t want to say goodbye but we had to. He had to do his job in the states and I had to do my job here in Berlin. We hugged and kissed and said some beautiful words to one another. For a short moment it felt like we were the only people at the airport, like time would stand still. “I have to go now, otherwise my flight is starting without me and the band would be very mad at me” Josh finally said and for the last time on this day he looked me in the eyes. “Okay” I sighed. “Goodbye little bird” he smiled at me before kissing me one the last time. I didn’t want his lips to leave mine. But he had to go. “Little bird?” “Yes” he grinned.

 Then he went away to his gate. I watched him until he got lost in the crowd. Well there he goes I thought - 4 weeks until we would meet again.

 I tried to stay positive and focused on my work. I was very productive because every night I told myself it was one day less until I would meet Josh again. Honestly, I wasn’t missing someone that much in a long time. The last year of my relationship with Steve I didn’t really miss him. Sure I thought about him when we didn’t see each other but I didn’t really miss HIM. I guess I just missed that someone was around me.

I forgot about how hard missing someone could be, like you really feel such a pain because the person isn’t around you and you want to know how the person feels, what the person does, what the person eats, drinks, reads, what’s on the person’s mind and when the person goes to bed and if the person thinks about you before falling asleep.

 Thanks to the modern technique Josh and I could stay in contact via several options. Sometimes we skyped but when he was on tour he didn’t have much time to do it. Then there was this time difference that bothered us. So we skyped very rarely. Instead we wrote messages and sent photos of what we did or saw this day.

“E…. 

How are you? I hope you’re fine! Greetings from the road! Today we’re in St. Louis. I always have to think about this girl Jennifer Hudson played in this “Sex and the City” movie we watched – I still hate this movie! But she was called Louise from St. Louis. Well, today I had an interview and the woman was also called Louise which was very funny for me so I started laughing when she introduced herself and she looked at me with a very confused face. She must’ve thought “What a weird guy”. I guess this was the most interesting story from today. I’m looking forward to our concert tonight.

Kisses and hugs and kisses….ten minutes later I’m still wishing I could REALLY kiss you :( 

J…”

  “Hey my lovely Josh (does it sound too cheesy for you?)

I’m fine thanks. It’s still very cold in Berlin. It’s like the winter had his comeback after a few weeks of ugly rainy days and 10 degrees. The streets were frozen so when I walked to the subway the other day I was a way too fast so I slipped and fell to the ground. My knee hurt so bad that I had to cool it for the rest of the day. But it’s okay now. There are still some scratches but well….I won’t wear shorts in the next few weeks so everything’s fine.

Haha, sound like a funny story and an embarrassing moment for you and the interviewer! I hope your concert was great! I guess so…

Kisses back to the states (maybe they’ll arrive with a little bit of a time difference but they’ll definitely arrive, I swear!)

Love you, Bye <3”

  Time flew by as always and suddenly there were only three weeks to go. Yes! It’s not that I didn’t live my life in Berlin. I even enjoyed my last weeks here but I wished that I could see my boyfriend on a regular basis like Lara did. She and Leon were the perfect couple who always had the opportunity to see each other. He was there when she had problems at work, he bought her some medicine when she was ill, he even cooked a soup for her! Leon was the loveliest of my girlfriends’ boyfriends ever. He was so cute and supporting that it hurt! He knew Lara so well, he was like the perfect guy. But one day when I came back from work they were fighting – like really shouting at each other. I thought “Okay, that’s it. Now it’s over. But they can’t break up! They’re not allowed to do it!”. But after a few hours of keeping silence after Leon left our apartment he came back, apologized and they were happily again. My heart almost skipped a beat! They can’t do that to me I!

 “Josh :) How’re you doing? I hope you don’t get a cold in Milwaukee! I’ve heard it’s snowing very heavily there! Keep yourself warm and….I guess you won’t ever hear me saying this again but….wear as many layers as you can! :D

Did you visit the record store you told me about? I hope so!

Well, at the moment my life is very boring. The week was soooo lame. My boss was absent because he was sick so it was kind of relaxed at work. Next week I’m going to prepare the last event I’ll be a part of here at the museum. It’s still weird that I have only 2 weeks to go. Time flies by very fast… One year ago I wouldn’t have thought that I would be happy to come back to California because everything in Cali was bothering me. But 12 months later I can say, there is at least one person that changed my opinion. I’m counting the days. 18 days :)

Love you, KISS Eileen”

 “E….

I’m fine. The snow in Milwaukee was horrible! Flea and Anthony wanted to visit a burger restaurant but the van couldn’t drive them. Chad and I preferred to stay in the hotel room. I had an important talk with Ian about some changes on my pedal board. I hope we can do it in the next days. Sadly I wasn’t able to visit this specific record store I talked about. There was too much snow! Well as you said, time flies by very fast. Tomorrow is our last concert of this tour leg. But we’ll start touring again in one week which is untypical for us but …you can’t change the schedule. I’m very exhausted at the moment. I think I’ll sleep for two days when I’m back home. But the rest of the week I’ll do some jam sessions with the Dots….so no rest for me. Let’s skype at the weekend, okay?

Love and miss you,

J…

 Well, we didn’t skype at the weekend due to Josh’s forgetfulness. He forgot that he had a special meeting with Bob again. He didn’t tell me why. Well, yeah. My week was so stressful that I was kind of happy that I found some time to get some sleep and just stayed in bed for like the whole weekend – my chilling time was only bothered by some noises coming from Lara’s room. I hated it that she was so loud when she had sex. I mean, yeah we lived together in a flat, we both were grown ups and the walls weren’t that thick but, why did she had to scream so loud? Not everyone in this flat wanted to hear it – aka me.

Maybe I felt so bad and kind of pissed off because Josh didn’t text me back for three days. I knew he was busy but it couldn’t stop me from paralyzing my phone. Every time it was ringing I hoped that it was him. But it wasn’t.

Well, while I was lying in my bed, head phones on to avoid these bothering noises from Lara and Leon, I scrolled through my Instagram feed. It was kind of boring. I guessed if Josh would’ve Instagram I would’ve stal….wait.

A few minutes later I was searching for pictures of Josh on Instagram. When did I become so weak and curious at the same time? There were several photos of Josh on the app. I clicked at some of them and noticed that most of the time fan accounts were posting photos of the band members – yes I even looked up the others.

I even read some of the comments the fans posted under the pictures.

“He’s so gorgeous and cute!” 

“His hair looks so great in this video!”

“I love Frusciante but Josh is really great on the guitar. Sure he plays it differently, but it’s his way of playing. We should give him a chance!”

“I don’t like that dude. Bring JF BACK!!!!!”

“What is he wearing? It’s like XXXXXXL :D”

“I liked his solo on Wet Sand the other day. It sounded soooo beautiful Oh and I love his voice <3”

“I wonder if he has a girlfriend? I think he broke up with Mia some years ago”

  Well, okay. This was just a random list of comments by fans. Sure, I knew that there were still people who didn’t like him, who wanted John back. There were also still people who thought that Josh can’t play the guitar but I didn’t expect that there were so many girls who actually liked him – and not only his way of playing the guitar. Well okay, there were some girls at the hotel in Brooklyn who asked for some autographs and pictures. But I really didn’t expect that there were girls fancying him. I always thought everyone was into Anthony Kiedis? But I was wrong. Sure he was cute and gorgeous but I didn’t know how I should feel about the fact that there were so many girls out there who fancied my boyfriend? It felt weird to be honest.

I found myself clicking through some pictures and checked some accounts. I didn’t want to do it but I couldn’t stop doing it. It was like an accident. You don’t want to look at it but you have to. You can’t stop it. There were so many questions that were on my mind now. I wondered if there were fans who tried to hook up with some of the boys on tour? I mean, they’re on tour for a very long time and you can always meet new people in a new city. I knew that they had some groupies back in the day, in the 80s or 90s. But this wasn’t with Josh being in the band. Now everyone was older, grown up, clean, had family. And at least three of them were in a relationship. I didn’t know if Flea had a girlfriend or not. There wasn’t any woman around him when I met him. But having a relationship didn’t mean that you have to be faithful to the partner. When you’re on the road there are so many opportunities. It’s far away from home, sometimes even in a foreign country. You’ll never meet this person ever again you’ve met in this specific bar in Ireland. I knew that Josh said it’s not his thing, hooking up with strangers on tour and I believed him. I even believed him that he wouldn’t do it if he would be single. And I also knew that not every fan wants to hook up with a certain band member. But I knew that there could be people who would do it. Maybe I was one of them?

What would I do if I would meet my favorite singer in a bar back in the days when I was single and he would flirt with me? Would I respond to this offer? If he was hot and I was single and I wanted to do it…maybe? Maybe I had to ask it more precisely: Would I hook up with Ryan Gosling? I guess ehm….if there wouldn’t be Eva Mendes…ehm yes? This was the moment when I started laughing. What was I thinking? My mind went totally crazy. But it was also the same moment my phone ringed. It was a message from Josh. 

“E…

Sorry that I didn’t answer. I was so busy. I was working with Bob over the weekend. He had this idea for another film he wants to do and he asked me to write some music again….but in the end we had to come to terms that I wouldn’t have the time to do it. I feel very sorry, he’s my friend, you know. But I don’t have time to do it. When I do something like that I want to give 100%. But at the moment I’m not able to do it due to our touring schedule in the next months.

Oh well, I hope your weekend wasn’t that stressful. How are you honey? I hope fine! I miss you so much and I hope I could skype with you right now but you’re probably asleep.

It’s like business never ends. Next week a musician from Switzerland will visit me in the studio. I have to produce some songs for her album. Do you know Sophie Hunger?

I’d like to say I’m excited to do it but….all I want to do is lying in my bed with you and get some sleep.

 I love you,

Kiss

J.”

 Sophie Hunger? Well, I’ve heard of her. But I couldn’t stop….I had to look her up on the internet. Ahhhhh, Eileen, what were you doing? When did you become so jealous? It was Josh’s job. He was a musician and musicians work with other musicians. That’s what they do. But nevertheless, I looked her up. She looked nice.

 “Hey Josh,

Love and kisses to you! I don’t want you to feel exhausted! I hope you’re having time for some sleep in the next days. It’s sad that you aren’t able to work with Bob on his project but, you know, you can’t change it. Maybe he can start with the project a little bit later? I’ve heard of Sophie Hunger, she’s a great musician I guess. Have fun working with her :)

I love you, too!

Kiss! Eileen”

  Well the lines I wrote him were totally different than the pictures that were on my mind. I saw Josh laughing and giggling with this Swiss musician. They had fun in the studio. He liked her because she was a musician, too. After recording and producing and any other things they had to do, they went to drink a beer – or two – and later…. 

STOP! STOP! STOP!

Eileen, you have to stop thinking this way! You can’t always be jealous just because Josh works with other women, meets other women or has fans who are actually women. This would kill you, I said to myself. You have to focus on your relationship with Josh. Otherwise you’ll totally freak out. You have to trust Josh. He’s your boyfriend. Who will you trust if not Josh?  

The next days we stayed in contact but he didn’t respond much.

 “E…

Hope you’re fine. I’m very busy now. The recording and producing process is fun but also hard work. But she’s a great musician.

What are you doing?

Love ya, J….”

 “I’m fine. Work is great. It’s like I can enjoy the last days and weeks. It’s only 1.5 weeks to go. I’m feeling very sad that I have to leave next week but well….that’s how life’s like. It was a great opportunity. Tomorrow I’ll have my job interview with this school in Pasadena! I’m so excited! Wish me luck! I found a nice record store today here in Kreuzberg. I’ve never been there before which is very strange because it’s on my way to the supermarket. Sure I saw it before but I never entered it. I was searching for some cool old cds but I didn’t find one. Well, maybe in the next days. I want a gift for myself I can take with me from Berlin. Except of you ;) Love and miss you, Eileen”

 “Sounds great! Fingers crossed! Kisses J.”

  Hm, I wasn’t disappointed because of his short response but….I guess I wished he would refer to my story about the record store or even respond to the “Except of you”-part. Ahhhhh. Text messaging was the devil when it came to analyzing messages. Why did I always have to analyze it? Maybe he was running out of time but wanted to write a quick respond – one day later. Okay I guess it was official. I was totally getting crazy here in my room. I had to leave to do some work out!

When I came back Lara was in the kitchen. She brought us some pizza. Well, this was typical for me: doing work out and afterwards treating myself with pizza. “What’s uuuuup?” she welcomed me. “Pizza?” “Oh that’s what I need!” I said and took a seat. When Lara and I had pizza we always shared our pizza with each other so we could try both of them. “So tell me about your day honey” she wanted to know. “Well, you don’t want to hear it I guess” “Why?” “’Cause I might have done something very unintelligent” “What did you do?” “I searched for Josh on Instagram….” Lara stared laughing. “And this is so unintelligent and bad?” she was still giggling. “Kind of….I mean, I read a lot of weird stuff there” “’Come on, give me some examples” “Like….did you know that many girls seem to be into Josh?” “What do you mean, ‘into Josh’?” “Well….they fancy and adore him” “So…what’s wrong with it? I was in love with Anthony Kiedis when I was 14. And he was 35. So it’s totally okay I guess…” I sighed and took another slice of the pizza. “What’s wrong with fancying a musician? ‘Come on Eileen, we all did it!” “Yes but….I never was in this weird situation being a girlfriend of a musician” I told her. “I mean, it’s not only these girls….so many people say shit about Josh on the internet. I just…I could punch them. I want to protect Josh” “Does he read some of these comments?” “I don’t think so” “See, you don’t have to worry.” She let me know. “After all they’re just fans who love his music and what he does as a musician and they’re happy when they get a concert ticket and see them live and sing and dance along to their music” “I know” I sighed. “But….you don’t worry about the fans, you worry about other things, am I right?” “Kind of…” I mumbled. “Tell me” “It’s not only about the fans….it’s also about people he could meet on tour” “You mean like…women?” “Right” I said and took a sip of water. “I know he told me that he doesn’t like hook ups and all this stuff ‘rock stars’ do – and I believe him! But there is always a little bit of fear that he will change his mind when he’s on the road. He’s on tour now for one month and our contact went from skyping to messaging everyday to messaging every three days. It’s so difficult and hard for me not to freak out. My mind is going crazy when I have time to think about the fact that he’s on tour and could meet other women every day. Even when he’s back in L.A. he doesn’t take a rest, instead he’s making music with this Sophie Hunger!” “Who’s Sophie Hunger?” “A Swiss musician who was in L.A. this week to record some songs so Josh can produce them. He just told me. I mean, I don’t want to react jealous but….ahhhhhh” “Well I guess it’s time for this” Lara said and put the vodka out of our fridge. “No!” “We need it. Afterwards we can analyze the situation with a clearer view, you know” “Clearer view” I laughed. 

Two vodka shots later we came to terms that I had to fight against my jealousy.  “You have to trust him. I mean, he trusts you, right?” “He does I guess” “Right. I mean, you could party every night in a different club – we’re in Berlin! You could meet tons of men there so you’re not the only one who has to deal with jealousy. It’s a typical problem of long distance relationships and that’s what Josh and you have at the moment. It’s a long distance. But you’re not the only one who suffers with your fears. So does Josh – at least I can imagine that he’s lying in bed and thinking about what you’re doing at the moment. But that’s okay, totally okay. As long as it doesn’t get sick. You know, like totally lost in jealousy. And I think that’s what you’re doing at the moment.” Lara explained to me. “You’re right. I’m completely suffering because of the fans, the tour, everything. It’s just because we live totally different lives. He’s always on the road and even if I would not be here in Berlin I would go crazy in L.A. because he’s away. It’s not that easy, you know.” “I know and I can totally relate to it. My ex played in a band as well – not that famous as the Chilis, but he was away very often and played gigs everywhere in Germany. So, I always stayed at home and was wondering what he was doing. Who would attend their shows. Which women….” “That’s the point. The fans can call him cute and can ask if he might have a girlfriend but….it’s the random people he meets on the road that bother me” “But honestly, how many people do the Chilis meet on the road? Most of them are journalists. They’re staying in their luxury hotels. Whom should they meet?” “Josh always goes for a walk or whatever. He is not followed around like the others” “I know but….Eileen, just stay cool. Be happy that there are people out there who like what Josh is doing. He’s always so self-critical and not the most confident person I know so it’s great that he has fans” “It is but….you know” “It’s his lifestyle and your lifestyle which is totally different I know” I sighed. Well, Lara was right. I had to calm down and relax. Josh trusted me so I had to trust him. Some days later Josh and I were skyping for the first time since he went on tour. “How are you feeling?” Josh asked me and waved into the camera. He was sitting on his bed in his hotel room in San  Francisco. “I’m great. It’s Friday night, I ordered Chinese food and I’m sitting in my jammies on my bed talking to my boyfriend. Very un-lovely” I joked. “You’re the loveliest woman I know” he chuckled. “What about you? Did you find a record store in San Francisco?” “Well….I know the city very well so I’ve visited every record store I guess” Josh laughed. “I just arrived here. I was the last one who arrived here. The others left this morning because of some interviews we had but I came here at noon” “Why?” “Because I had to do the final touch on Sophie’s songs” Ah well, Sophie. “How was working with her?” I asked. “It was great. She and her band mates were very nice and we had a lot of fun but it was also very hard. We worked until night every day. So, sorry for not responding or calling. But at least I can hear and see you now” he smiled at me. “That’s the best part of my weekend!” I let him know. Suddenly some one was knocking on Josh’s door. It was Claire. He had to leave to drive to the arena. So we agreed to skype in a few hours after sound check in the arena. My clock told me that this was going to be a long night. It was already 11pm.

So while Josh obviously had his sound check in San Francisco I continued reading a book, cleaned the dishes, had a short chat with my mom on the phone and wasted my time on Facebook. At 0.40am Josh called me via Skype again. I almost fell asleep but now I was awake. “There you are again!” I smiled. “You look a bit tired. What time is it in Germany?” he still couldn’t learn the time difference between California and Berlin. “It’s almost 1am” I told him. “Oh well I’m sorry! If you want to go to bed, I won’t stop you!” “No….it’s okay. I want to talk to you. We did it rarely in the last weeks….” I noted. “I know….and I’m so sorry Eileen. But I was so busy and couldn’t find the time” I didn’t want to start a discussion about it although I had to admit that I was a bit disappointed that he couldn’t find the time talking to me on Skype or on the phone. “I have to work on planning my time. The last week was so stressful, I’m still completely exhausted” I felt bad for Josh. He loved making music and working with other musicians but he really looked very tired and thin. “Did you eat enough?” “Hm, sometimes” he said. “Josh!” “Just a joke. I love eating but I guess we didn’t eat very healthy in the last days. Always junk food” “Hm….” “But on tour we have our own cook who makes delicious food for us! Wanna take a look?” he asked and got up from his seat in a dressing room backstage. He left the room and walked with his laptop in his hands into another room where I could see a buffet full of food. “So here’s our little paradise” Josh joked. “Brian cooks everything we want” he said and took some bananas and a bun. “The only thing that isn’t delicious on tour is the coffee” “Poor Josh” I laughed. “Coffee junkie” While I was still giggling Josh was stopped by a woman. I couldn’t see her because she wasn’t in front of the camera but I heard her voice. “Hey Josh, do you wanna have some coffee? We want to go to the café across the street” she asked him. “Oh sure, when?” “In a few minutes” “Okay, I’m coming” I heard Josh saying. “Oh this is Sophie” he then told me and turned the laptop so I could finally see her. She smiled and waved into the display. “This is my girlfriend Eileen” Josh informed her. Sophie only said “Hi” before another person started talking to her and Josh went back into the dressing room where we could talk among us. “So this was Sophie?” “Yes, she’s here for the show. I gave her and her band mates tickets” “Great” “So what about work? The last week, hm?” “Right! It’s very strange because I can’t imagine leaving them. They were so nice to me, like family” “And you did a great job there I guess. Such an interesting job by the way” “Really?” “Yes, when we first met I was so flashed by all the topics you talked about with the other guests. I never heard of it before” “Well…it’s just what I’ve studied” “I know but….I think it’s great” he smiled into the camera. “Oh by the way, what about the job interview?” “It was good I think. I can’t appreciate it. But they will call me until next week” “Oh that’s great! See, as I said. Everything is going to be okay” “Yes…” At this moment there was a person coming into Josh’s room. Again it was Sophie. I couldn’t see her, just heard what she said. “Josh, we’re about to leave for the café” she let him know. He nodded. “Oh and are you coming to the bar later after the concert? We all go I guess. At least I will be there” she laughed. He seemed to think about what he should answer but in the end he nodded and said “Yes, I’ll be there” and I saw how he smiled at her. Well Eileen, calm down. She’s just a work partner. “Sorry Eileen, I have to hang up now but we talk later, okay?” he said. “Okay” “Oh and you can watch the concert online in a live stream. I’ll send you the link” he said and then we air-kissed us goodbye. Connection over.   A few minutes later he sent me the link where I could watch the live stream. Well it was in about 4 hours. So here it would be 5am. Ohhhhhh. I was tired so I set the alarm clock that I wouldn’t miss the concert and fell asleep very quickly. When it awaked me I felt very tired and knackered. But my mind reminded me that I wanted to watch the concert. So I opened the link with the live stream. Well 20 minutes to go. So I read some articles on the website. There was even a link to an interview with Josh. I clicked on it.

The interview was very interesting. Josh told a lot about making the last record and how he felt as the “new” member in the band. He told that he didn’t have a problem with being the youngest member. It was quite interesting to read it because I got to know a new side of him. He was so humble and modest. But there was one part in the interview – which was from the end of 2011 – that leaped into my eyes.

  “So recently you bought a new house with an own music studio? How did it change your way of living? Josh: Well, to be honest I couldn’t really settle down yet. I was always on the road so I guess my girlfriend spends more days in it than me which is funny because every time I come home from touring there is a new painting on the walls or a new light in the living room. She pretty much furnished it already (laughs)”

 Wow, so he spoke about Mia furnishing his house? I wonder if it was still the same house he was living in now. But I guessed so. He never talked about moving into another house in the last years. So there was this feeling again: he must’ve loved Mia very deeply. She even lived in his house when he was absent, this was what he already told me. But I didn’t know that she kind of furnished it. I only spend a few nights in his house and I liked how it was furnished. I wondered if he changed a lot after they broke up or if he didn’t care about it. ‘Well Eileen, again, this leads you to one question: how jealous are you?’

my mind asked. On a scale from 0 to 10, how jealous am I? To be honest I was totally jealous at the moment. Jealous of the fans that were at the arena tonight, jealous of Sophie who could’ve spent the last days with Josh in the studio, jealous of every journalist who spoke to him in the last weeks and jealous of Mia who was part of his home and even furnished it. I wanted to scream but I didn’t. Instead I did what Lara told me, I took another vodka shot, went into the living room where we had this new smart TV Leon gave us – he brought himself a bigger one – and opened the link to watch the concert. It was strange seeing Josh and the band on this big screen at 5:10am in Berlin while everyone was sleeping – but I was happy seeing him again. I tried to forget about the fans, about girls he could meet on tour, Sophie and even Mia. I suppressed it and focused on the concert which was starting with “Can’t Stop”. “Are you still awake?” Lara asked when she came home from partying. It was 5:37am. “Kind of” I answered. She grabbed the blanket next to me and sat down at the sofa. “Chili Peppers?” “Yes, it’s live from San  Francisco” “Oh cool!” she said and took a glass of coke. “Well, I’m not tired enough so I join you” she said and laid her head on my shoulder. There we were: two girls in an apartment in Berlin watching a live concert of the Chilis at 6am in the morning. 

The Chilis ended their set with “Give It Away” – as always. Josh waved at the fans and then left the stage while Flea thanked the audience and spread some love. The camera followed him leaving the stage and for a few minutes we could see what the band did right after the gig. They were standing there, some towels on their shoulders, talking and laughing. Anthony has left with his son while Flea welcomed Clara. I wanted to see Josh but it seemed that he had left yet….until the camera turned around and I saw him talking to a woman and some guys around him. It was Sophie and her band. “Who’s that girl?” Lara asked into the silence of the room. “Sophie” “This Swiss musician?” “Yes” “Why is she there?” “He gave her and her band tickets” “For the backstage area?” “Seems like that” I took another glass of coke and tried to stop me from thinking about Josh and all the opportunities he could have while touring.   “Well, sometimes he’s too nice don’t you think?” Lara asked me. “Why?” “I think he can’t say ‘no’. He always wants to make people happy I suppose…” “Well actually he can say no. He did when I informed him about this job opportunity in Roseburg” “Hm, okay….” “He’s not like any other man” “That’s true” she said. “Is it hard work being in a relationship like that? I think I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone so famous” “I think he’s not that famous….he can walk down the streets without people noticing it. But I get what you mean, he doesn’t have a normal job, he’s always on the road. I don’t know how it will work when I’m back in L.A….I guess we’ll see” “I think you two are doing great. I’m very proud of you and I’m happy for you. Josh seems to make you so happy and that’s a good thing. When I think back….one year ago…there was this heartbroken girl in my apartment that just wanted to flee from her pain in California. She came to cold Berlin and just did it. I mean, look at you now. Self-confident, lucky in love” she smiled at me and gave me a hug. “Thank you Lara, honestly thank you. I think I wouldn’t have made it this far without you” I let her know. “Promise me that we stay in contact even if I’m back in L.A.” “We do!” she said smilingly and hugged me. 

“You’re very happy with Josh, right?” Lara said while she was eating a chocolate bar. It was already 8:12am but we didn’t care. We weren’t tired. “I am. I really am” I answered without thinking about it. “But as you said, it’s not that easy. We have to manage our time together. Plus, I have to manage my jealousy” “Well, I guess if time flies by, you won’t be that jealous because you know him better and you can trust him better. Believe me” “I hope so” “Why should he meet other women if he has you?” “I don’t know….maybe because it’s exciting. It’s something new. Maybe he’s bored?” “EILEEN!” Lara stopped me from thinking such awful self-hurting things. “Don’t you dare thinking about it ever again!” “Sorry….” I laughed. “But, you know, I recently had the thought if maybe I should try something new. Maybe surprise him….” “Hm, what do you mean?” “I want to surprise him” “Ohhh!” Lara giggled and listened carefully. This was her topic! “What are you thinking of?” she wanted to know. “Uhm….you know. Instead of travelling to Los Angeles I will travel to New Orleans two days previous to surprise him on tour. But I thought maybe I can surprise him in other forms as well, you know what I mean” I twinkled. “Oh sure! Surprise him with lingerie!” she leered. “Urgh I hate buying new one. But I’ll see. Or, do you have any other ideas what I can actually DO?” I wanted to know. “I mean, you’re the girl to ask” I grinned. “Absolutely!” she said and pointed me in the right direction.

 “Well ehm, and you think that’ll work?” “Sure! I tried it several times” she leered and took a sip of her coke.

___________

This song perfectly fits to the chapter I guess....

[canaryatlaw]

So today was pretty good, both productive and relaxing which is a pretty cool balance to strike. I set my super late like if you're not awake already wake the fuck up alarm for 3:45 as that was the latest I could possibly sleep before having to do shit, but thankfully I woke up around 1 (which is pretty average). I made a smoothie for breakfast because I had a few random ingredients that I thought it could use, and it came out pretty good except it was a bit too thick and like, was not a smoothie in texture lol. But it was still good. I got to work doing the bluebook exercise I have to turn in for larc on Friday, which took while. Unlike last year's that had us write out a citation, this one was multiple choice so I wound up looking up all the technicalities of what is what. It wasn't that bad though. Finished that, then got around to finally putting my laundry away, lol. My room is still a bit of a mess at the moment, but we're making substantial progress- there's no longer clothes all over the floor so that is definitely good haha. Hopefully I can get the rest of the shit lying around organized somewhat or something like that soon, maybe over the weekend, that would be good. By the time I finished all of that it was like 3:45, so I hung out for a little bit and relaxed before getting ready and heading to school for crim pro. It was an interesting class, our prof is really cool and she's always asking us to talk about our opinions on stuff and she was going on about wrongful convictions today so during the break I was talking to her about the podcasts I listen to and all the crazy cases there are out there and she seemed really into it. Towards the end of the class there was an interesting moment, because we were reading about bail and there was a note about this guy who "swallowed a bottle of excedrin" while out of bail which the defense said was a suicide attempt and he prosecutor was like "nah it's good" so they let the guy walk out and h shot himself in the head two days later, and I was just like, I'm sorry, but how does anybody not characterize swallowing a bottle of painkillers as a suicide attempt?? And of course then I had to let slip I might be oversensitive on this exact issue because in high school my best friend swallowed a bottle of painkillers and a lot of people didn't take it seriously and believe me, she was very serious. So I think I kind of made everyone do a double take when I let that out, but I felt like I made my point haha and the prof seemed pleased I shared my opinion at least. She let us out like half an hour early, so class was over and I headed home with one of the guys in my class who was in my section last year and takes the red line home. He's the one who would also raise his hand in civ pro except the prof hated him so his answer was always wrong lol, he's funny and we get along pretty well, so we had an entertaining conversation about our legal adventures and everything else. I haven't seen e-board guy at all yet this semester, which is obviously a change from sitting next to him and riding home with him two classes a week. I'll see him Friday at the pad meeting, but it's obviously a change and I'm kind of sad about that *shrug*. Got home and turned on Frequency because that was on tonight, which is the first time in actually watching it on the night it airs (not live, but close). Interesting episode, we obviously made some progress as far as actually getting Raimy's mom back, but since it wasn't the season finale I knew there was gonna be a catch, and then obviously it was gonna be about Robbie because they kept following him. I'm confused on where they're going from here though, was it just that the douchey priest guy (never learn names) is the actual nightingale killer and Robbie killed the mom because he was stalking her or whatever and they made it look like a nightingale one? Cuz like we clearly see him killing multiple people, so he's definitely the right guy, then Robbie is just there with a bunch of photos of her? And she's back so how is this gonna effect the timeline? Cuz if he just goes on to murder her anyway Raimy's memories would've changed but she wouldn't actually come back, so it has to have changed so she does actually survive regardless of what Robbie does. So seeing what happens next week will be interesting. I'm happy for Raimy though of course that she now has her mom back and also got to have all the memories of a life with her father alive. I also don't know what's going on with the corrupt cop guy (who all I think when I see him is that he was a paramedic on third watch back in the day and I was obsessed with that show) and how he's gonna play into all of this. I was cringing a bit at the interrogation stuff of both Frank and Raimy because both of them did stupid shit that I was like omg stop you're gonna fuck yourself over. Like Frank straight up telling him he's the guy that kidnapped him and threw him in a trunk, because what's to stop the guy from being like "hey this guy kidnapped me and put me in a trunk" which normally would be dismissed as unintelligible, but Frank was literally JUST suspected of having someone in his trunk...like I mean, the circumstantial evidence there would be pretty damning lol. And their stupid IA investigation just really proves why we need cameras in interrogation rooms, for the sakes of the suspects and the cops. But yeah, good episode and I'm sad this season is over already. I don't think it's been renewed yet, or at least it wasn't in the CW's big announcement the other day about renewing a bunch of shows (like my favorite time losers) so hopefully that will happen soon because I like it a lot. We also talked about the minority report a bit in class tonight haha because we were talking about preventative detention and if we had a foolproof way of predicting who would commit crimes should we just lock them up, and someone mentioned it was being made into a tv show which lead to like half the class looking it up on their computers (it was funny, because our prof was like "oh I hope it's led by a girl this time because I hate Tom Cruise" and then like 15 seconds later I just hear from behind me "it is a girl!" and it was basically the best thing ever). And upon looking it up I found out it came out last year, just 10 episodes, and it stars one very dapper looking Nick Zano, so I may have to add that to my list of shows to watch (the episodes are on Amazon instant video, I checked). I just added crazy ex-girlfriend the other night and I'm also considering starting the Americans which has been on my list for a while so we'll see what I pick to watch after I finish a series of unfortunate events (assuming I choose to watch the whole season, which is somewhat indefinite at the moment). And yeah, after that I packed my lunch and dinner for tomorrow since I'll be out for both and then got ready for bed and that was my day. Back at work tomorrow, which should be exciting. I'm really just waiting for my 711 to come at this point so I can actually be useful and start doing actual lawyer things even if I'm somewhat scared of what that will mean lol. The good thing is the GAL doesn't really have a burden of proof, that's on the SA and the GAL just generally joins in their argument, so it's somewhat less pressure than having to make out an entire case theory and shit myself. Idk if I'll legit be doing trials and serious things or if I'll just be doing things like permanency hearings, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's the former because I've heard as much from 3L's with their 711's lol- supervised tends to be a very subjective term. But yeah, that's about it. Should be good. Until then, I'd like to get some sleep being that my alarm will go off 7 hours from now, so that's what I will be doing. Goodnight peeps. Be safe.