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Many things were used to describe the mad hermit of Amaurot: a drunkard, degenerate, cynical, and even monstrous by those who stirred trouble for the newly appointed Azem. But nothing could prepare Emet-Selch for what he would see for himself, when offered a chance to meet the Sun's Shadow.
#ffxiv#ancients#endwalker spoilers#emet selch#lahabrea#azem#azem oc#apollo#dionysus#hemitheos dionysus because I like the thought that anyone with soul sight will look at him#and they get to be jumpscared by what i like to personally imagine as a winged embodiment of void or the abyss#I would say the moon but within the context of FFXIV the moon isnt actually a normal astral body#though like azem/apollo and the role of the sun#I write dionysus to be the astrological moon#a character who represents the subconscious and the self- who often sees and brings out the worst in those around him#how I basically describe as being around him will break you to your barest so you can remake yourself into something better than before#unfortunately for the convocation he is also an antithesis to their ways and their biggest critic- out of love- funnily enough#also dont mind the idea that magic (especially creation magic) is so deeply ingrained that the idea of manual work is surprising to people#dionysus has to constantly use his aether to suppress his power he's either doing things by hand or sleeping#ancient zenos does not get to escape the sleepy curse#weird vintner in the mountains found lounging off in the middle of his vineyard#emet expecting dion to be the problem out of the duo until he realizes that /apollo/ is the overprotective cryptic and chaotic weirdo#with the power to stop an active volcano#and dion is the chill and collected hardworking man who despite everything is more human than most#tbh this was mostly inspired by the scenes with thordan and varis and how they react to WoL and Zenos in those moments#for dion/zenos it is their being while on the flip side for WoL/Azem it is their choices and the expression of such choices
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What if the silver of a vampire's eyes darken with age?
Like Fred, Bright Eyes and Lovely all have the same shade of pure, polished silver. Sam and Vincent's shades look tarnished next to their progeny but they still shine. And William's is closer to steel than silver.
#redacted asmr#redacted audio#im in that weird place before sleep where things feel kinda floaty and not real#and weird thoughts pop into my head and my filter is off so here you go
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Selene from Dragon's Dogma
Just wanted to draw Selene the Witch, my favorite character from Dragon's Dogma. I was already drawn to her design, but after getting to know her story I became attached to her. Kinda hope the upcoming sequel will have a witch like her in it as well
#dragon's dogma#Selene#come back from adventuring to show her all these cool mushrooms I found#I'm glad she moves into the Arisen's house after her quest#always felt bad seeing her sleep on the floor#before that I thought it was weird her house didn't have a bed#anyways#if DD2 has a witch I hope there's also a witch hat in the game#like a proper witches hat#not like the one that old lady Pawn has in the intro
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early war shenanigans is this anything
#heard this sound on tiktok and immediately thought of them#any excuse to draw skul: flesh on edition <3#also idrc what hopeless is actually supposed to look like#they/them shapeshifter hopeless you will always be real TO ME#anyway we have (in order in case you couldnt tell)(which fair):#skulduggery pleasant#ghastly bespoke#hopeless#erskine ravel#(also also i banged this out in a few hours before i go to sleep so if anything looks just weird that's why sorry)#squid art
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MiqoMarch Day 08 - Fav. (Side) Job
When she's not running around as Ninja or Summoner , Arsay's next choice is the lance. Being bestowed a source of draconic power by Midgardsormr moments before his slumber, and knowing how to channel the powers of Bahamut with dreadwyrm trance, Arsay's power as a Dragoon rivals that of even the former Azure Dragoon. With that said, she'd much rather use her polearm to hunt monsters.
#miqomarch#miqomarch2024#ffxiv#miqo'te#arsay kain pose pog??#an attempt was made#I didn't want to repeat myself two years in a row lol#do love playing drg though its so fun#praying it doesnt become too different in dawntrail#in my canon Arsay never does the lancer or dragoon lv 30-60 job quests#She gets Estinien to teach her some basic moves while on the road trip to drivania#one cause she thought it looked fun two because its hard to back stab a dragon without going full shadow of the colossus on them#Shes pretty good with the lance too so she does use it on that first nidhogg fight#then she continues hvw as ninja/smn#she doesnt have any of the dragoon part of the dragoon kit until she goes through the great gooble library with y'mhitra#where they learn about dreadwyrm trance and arsay discovers her surprisingly strong connection to bahamut#y'hmitra: wow thats weird didnt you say you werent around during the calamity how did you connect to him so easily#arsay: so there's this massive hole in the ground in eastern la noscea-#When its time to end the dragonsong war for real this time in the patches she picks up the lance again and enters trance mode#She does get a job stone finally after that#its a gift from aymeric#a symbolic 'you were part of the troops' type thing#oh and later during stormblood arsay does go through Those job quests#because of course shes helping a little dragon friend#and during the omega raid series when Middy saves her life just before he goes to sleep again he gifts arsay a scale to carry with her#a bit of dragon aether to tap into when she needs it !#anyways thats arsay dragoon lore thanks for coming to my tedtalk#WOL posting#Arsay Nun
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I see a lot of messed up jellyfish washed up on the beach at my job, i'm now afraid that I'm going to look down in the water one day and see the baeve balsimied xerox perceiving back at me
Haha, understandable concern, although you should have no fear! Dreams are just that, stories made up by the subconscious when the brain is cleaning things up. Seems kinda wild to see jellyfish washed up on beaches, in general! What if you step on one!?
#i think ive only had a dream that came true once#although it wasnt really a dream. i think it was a dream. it was akin to a deja vu but i had like… an opinion on the likelihood of it -#happening before it happened which is unlike a normal deja vu where you feel it as it happens#maybe two weeks before the actual deja vu i suddenly had knowledge of this event and thought “hmmm probably wont happen”#it was a weird timeless sort of sleep where im not exactly sure when i dreamt it but i suddenly recalled it again as the deja vu occurred#is this making sense? anyway. the point is that i would know#my dreams are weird and funny but they are only dreams! deja vu is another can of worms as no one knows what causes those#my dreams have discernible common themes and features which become pretty clear when you observe them all#hence why i could make a universe out of them pretty easily :3#asks#nikkikan
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working full time with normal hours has convinced me more than ever that actually high school Could have been a sane & even enjoyable time for me if it weren't for the homework. sick & twisted tbh
#i spent all of high school continually behind on my work/desperately trying to make it up/getting ~4 hrs of sleep a night/full of#guilt over it/feeling like i was losing my mind/not eating properly/trying to do my hw at lunch/etc etc whatever#& now I'm waking up/going out about the same time as i was & getting home only a little later and i have None of that i have to do & I'm#eating regularly & sleeping like 8hrs a night I'm looking back on that like what the fuck. that was so fucked up & evil i had to go through#all that. what the hell.#<- i mean i sort of knew this but i genuinely thought getting up early/spending so long at school/etc was also a major contributer#but like. it's literally not. I can do all that just fine when i ferl like a normal sane healthy person. it was literally just the hw.#hw is evil fr. what are we doing to our kids etc etc#thoughts#I say regular hours bc i have worked full time before but it was w such weird hours I couldn't really make the comparison
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Yes....
...why are you looking at me like that though...
#torille#the autogenerated subtitles look bit confusing ik#but also I have actually thought about this before#bc I remember listening some podcazt where couple of british dudes were like Finns have weird/dark/whatever sense of humor#like I guess ...?#having my 'how can I make this about me' moment here lmaoo#no but like then I thought about our history of being basically farming peasants; the weather is shit most of the year and youre stuck#between the trigger happy crazy one and Sweden#so many generations probably didnt have whole lot nice things to talk about anyway#all you can do is cope#youd be depressed weird jokes too ?????#anyway back to James lol#he looked nice here uwu👍#liveblog#james may#youtube#I need to go to sleep#Im starting to remember my beef with the british#and atleast one canadian#althou to be fair I dont assume that all of them are like that one person#didnt understand what foodculture meant... among other things#and it still annoys me#???
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Sid/brad/patrice
makes NO sense but im here and im listening
#my friend and I actually brainstormed this fic where#Nate finds out Sid n Marchy hook up in novascotia during the offseason#and goes???????? him????????????#and Sid is all like yea I sleep w bruins sometimes what’s the big deal#at which point Marchy is like??????? who else????#and Sid looks confused and goes. Bergeron. at the olympics and all through juniors I figured you knew#and Marchy is like??? how would iiiiii know#who Patrice does and doesn’t sleep with#how would that be any of MY business#and Sid and Nate look at each other like. ok yikes. not getting into all that.#before remembering their own situation and looking away#and Sid doesn’t get why it’s a big deal whereas natemac is all like#you’re having casual sex but not with me????#and maybe at some point he calls up bergy for the first time in his life just to be like#please come get your man so I can get him away from mine#and bergy shows up and they all have weird sex and never talk about it again probably#anyway. just a thought.
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One thing I find weird about visibly transitioning is realizing that while you as a human haven't changed in regards to personality or what have you, people's perception of you has, and sometimes that means you'll be treated differently.
I've noticed that as I become more "visibly" male to people, they are much more willing to say that I am "aggressive". Oftentimes, I'm not even doing anything out of the ordinary, I'm acting like I always have, and to be honest, people don't say how I'm being aggressive. It's really jarring because I haven't changed - my personality is the same. But I think what has changed is the fact that I am read as male doing the things I always have, so I'm treated with that lack of nuance.
I bring this up because it's an aspect of transition that can be very difficult, and even dangerous. I wonder, if I'm being seen this way, how are other trans people being seen? These things are important to consider because it can compromise our safety
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#this especially goes for TPoC - many of whom have said exactly what i am saying now (albeit much better)#it's just weird to experience the shift in how people treat you when the core of your being hasn't changed#cis people don't like to admit it but they are *very* weird about visibly transitioning people#before somebody misinterprets this no i am not being aggressive. i am endangering nobody or doing anything threatening when i am told this#i am usually minding my own business or doing work and nobody tells me /how/ i'm being aggressive#and at this point i wonder if part of it is that i am (visibly at this point) male#what i have noticed is that i'm seen both as a safe person and a threat because i'm trans#in that i am safe to be around for certain people because i 'get it' but i am not safe enough to be myself#anyway this is just my thoughts i had at almost 03:00 while my cat is sleeping on me and i'm watching a four hour long video#i already knew that people would treat me different because people are weird about gender but it's still odd go go through
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A small essay about Masato Arakawa/Ryo Aoki's name(s)
Saw someone in my notes mentions the question of "waka's real name" and I somewhat already talked about it in other long posts, but I really want everything I can say about it condensed in a single post.
Let's start with what everyone can agree on : "Ryo Aoki" is obviously a fake name. More precisely, some characters think it is a stolen name, that there initially WAS someone really named Ryo Aoki, before his identity was bought by the Arakawa family in order to give Masato a new life after his fake death.
So, "Ryo Aoki" is a stolen name. What about "Masato Arakawa"? I see a lot of people saying things along the lines of "Ichiban is able to see Masato Arakawa behind the Ryo Aoki mask", as if "Masato Arakawa" was Aoki's real self. On the surface level yeah that seems to be the logical train of thoughts to follow, but when you really think about it...
"Masato Arakawa" is the name of Masumi Arakawa's son. Not only does it contain his family name, but the first name is also made out of "Masumi" and "Toshio"'s (the name of Masumi's father) first kanjis. So "Masato Arakawa" as a name is INHERENTLY connected to his family, obviously being the name of his father's son.
But we know that Masato isn't Arakawa's biological son (won't get into the debate today on wether or not Masato was still Arakawa's son despite of that because that's a whole other discussion to have). Without the lockers incident, he wouldn't have been given the name of "Masato Arakawa". In a way, one could say he "stole" this name and life as Arakawa's son from Ichiban, who, as a result, was left with a name that is several times throughout the game said to be "sounding fake". Because, in a way, it isn't the one that was "supposed to" be his, just like "Masato Arakawa" wasn't "supposed to" be the name given to Sawashiro's son. Because the only thing this son was "supposed to" be was dead.
So which one is it then? Is "Masato Arakawa" really his real name if it is as much of a stolen name as "Ryo Aoki"? No wonder he has troubles determining where his true self ends and the performance as "Ryo Aoki" starts, if his conception of his true self is based on an identity that isn't really his to begin with. Even as Masato Arakawa, he is mostly seen putting on a show ; the difference between his behavior with Ichiban and his attitude in the Zephyr cabaret club can be seen as proof that he never ever truly lived as himself, and always pretended to be someone he isn't. Just like he never had a name for himself, and instead always used names belonging to other people.
And we can look at which names other characters use to refer to him to find even more informations about the meaning these different fake names hold :
Most obviously, Arakawa is the only character who ONLY uses the name "Masato". It makes sense, since he is the one who gave him this name and he is insistent and genuine in his attempts to build a father-son relationship with him. Even when it is "Aoki" who returns home after his surgery, Arakawa still sees him as his son, and thus calls him by the name he gave to his son, despite Aoki's best efforts (he explicitly states that he changed his name "because he was born the son of Masumi Arakawa" : his name change was partially motivated by his wish to cut all the ties with Arakawa, in order to erase any connections he had with the yakuza world, yes, but also probably because he simply wanted for Arakawa to literally no longer be his father. yes the layers of irony are so numberous i won't even try to list them all here). This persistence to always and only call him "Masato" could be interpreted as a logical evolution of the "flaws" as a father Masato used to perceive in him : he viewed him as overbearing and felt as if he was constantly infantilizing him (wether or not he truly was or if Masato was misjudging his actions or lying is a question for another day). By using the name he had when he was a child/a young adult in need of a caretaker (which obviously isn't the same as being a child but from Aoki's perspective entirely dictated by his internalized ableism, he was "dependent on someone else", which we know is something he thinks made him "weak"), Arakawa may have led Aoki to be even more convinced of his initial judgement about him : he keeps calling him by a name he associates with his "weak and ugly self", this means he wants him to keep being this "weak and ugly self. That's the double meaning of the name "Masato Arakawa", Arakawa chose it and uses it out of love, while Aoki views it as a representation of the limitations imposed to him that he believed he broke free of.
Interestingly enough, aside from Arakawa, all of the characters who used to know Masato and (may or may not have) recognized him as Aoki or the characters who know about his first identity don't call him "Masato" nor "Aoki". Depending on the character, it could be because they were somehow acknowledging the fact that "Masato" really was no longer here, while not giving him the satisfaction of calling him by his new fake name. Or it could be because they were aware both names were fake in their own way.
It is unclear wether or not Horinouchi recognized Aoki as being "that one yakuza-type guy who was scaring his wife more than a decade ago". Aoki believes he didn't recognized him, but Adachi and Saeko think that if Ichiban was able to recognize both Aoki and Horinouchi after having spent 18 years in prison, it was more than likely that Horinouchi also recognized Aoki when he met him around 2015. With this doubt in mind, I think it is quite interesting to point out how Horinouchi is never seen calling Ryo Aoki by this name. He instead uses "the governor" when referring to him. Maybe, given the importance of which names the characters use for this man in particular, it could be a very subtle hint that he indeed recognized him as someone he no longer is, and thus doesn't see him as this new perfect persona he built for himself.
Sawashiro and Ichiban are the two characters who consistently (although not always in Ichiban's case) use a whole new "name" for Masato/Aoki : they call him "young master" ("waka" in the japanese dub and I'm going to write "waka" instead of "young master" because that's how my brain likes it), and it is persistent throughout the entire game, from 2001 to 2019.
In Sawashiro's case, there isn't a single exception in his dialogues showing him calling him anything else. Never did he call him "Masato", nor "governor", nor "Aoki", not even once, not even when talking about him to someone else. And it makes a lot of sense for Sawashiro, the only character who knew from the start that the "Masato Arakawa" identity had been stolen, to never call him by a name he knows his son only got because he left him to freeze to death in a locker. He knows "Masato Arakawa" shouldn't have been his name if he had been more responsible at the time, the same way he knows "Ryo Aoki" is not his real name either. Maybe he thinks about it sometimes, about the name waka could have had if he had even bothered to give him one before trying to get rid of him. As his father, could he still give him a name? Now that he had another one, even though he isn't happy with it? Could he give him the name he should have given him so long ago? If he ever asked himself these questions, he probably prevented himself from even thinking about which name he could have given to his son, because he clearly didn't think of himself as worthy of being his parent. So he shouldn't even dream about "what ifs", because he didn't deserve it. His son died nameless, and Masato was Masumi Arakawa's son. That's what happened in everyone else's eyes, and that's the reality he will have to conform to as long as he is alive.
And as for Ichiban... this is a bit more complex than Sawashiro. He clearly calls his brother "waka" more often than any other variations. He does call him "Ryo Aoki" a pair of times, only in situation where he is talking to people who wouldn't know who he is talking about if he didn't call him by his current name. He does call him Masato a couple of times, some of them being :
Once when arriving at his apartement complex, asking "Has waka... I mean, has Masato Arakawa already left the building?"
Once when he sees him in a picture for the first time after 18 years, saying "This is not Ryo Aoki. This is waka. Masato Arakawa."
Once in Ch14, during his downward spiral into a murderous mindset, right after having learned about the locker incident, when he says "Me and waka... Masato Arakawa and I need to have some words!"
So clearly, even if sometimes he calls him by his initial birth name, his first instinct is to call him waka. In the last example, I would even argue that he purposefully chooses to call him "Masato Arakawa" because he has realized that this name "should have" been his and he is now in rage because of that. At some point, Ichiban even says, when asked how he knows the other name of Ryo Aoki, "A long time ago, I called him waka, and he called me Ichi." So the name we're probably supposed to remember Ichiban calling Aoki is "waka".
Which once again, makes sense, because of Ichiban's status as "the real" Masato Arakawa, even when he didn't know it yet, it is ironic for him to never use that name naturally for his brother. It also alligns with how the game portrays Ichiban as being the only one able to reach waka beyond the artificiality of his numberous fake selves, something neither Arakawa nor Sawashiro managed to do despite their best effort : if Ichiban is for some reason able to understand and reach his brother so efficiently, surely he is also able to sense that something was unexplicably wrong with the name "Masato Arakawa", as much as there is something terribly wrong with the name "Ryo Aoki".
"waka" isn't a name, but it is the closest thing Masato/Aoki has that functions like a name, and wasn't directly stolen from someone else. Sure this still might be a title he was able to have because he took Ichiban's place as the son of a patriarch, but I think it is fairly rational to think Ichiban, even as "Masato Arakawa", wouldn't have wanted people to call him "waka". This archaic, borderline medieval way to put on a pedestal someone just because of the powerful position his father holds? Clearly Ichiban isn't the kind of guy who needs his ego being flattered like this. This is something only his brother would take pleasure in, because of his low self-esteem, because of how obsessed he is about how others perceive him, because he likes to feel important.
Isn't it a bit sad that the closest thing he has to a name to call his own is something that is so linked to his struggles with mental health and to his familial situation he so desesperatly wants to get away from? The "name" waka itself deserves a lot of consideration put into it before really calling it "his true name". I think the implications of this interpretation are fascinating to explore, but I don't think I have seen the end of them yet, so I'll leave that last question opened.
#the coldest cup of coffee is currently sitting on my desk right in front of me#no proof read we die like my sleep schedule#ryo aoki#masato arakawa#spending 2k words talking about how none of those names are his. whatever let's tag them anyway#bonus round : i legit thought Ogasawara (yes. him.) only called Aoki “the governor”#turns out he calls him “the governor” most of the times but he also calls him Aoki three times.#i wanted to talk about how ogasawara is the only character who knew Aoki before learning about the existence of Masato#and how this particularity led him to not use either names for the guy who's supposed to be his friend#and instead call him “the governor” which sounds really weird#but my argument kinda falls apart because of the three times when he does call him by one of his name#still think it's very weird how he calls him “the governor” most of the time. like. this isn't how you refer to a friend.#anyway-#very interesting how Ichiban's name is given a bunch of variations that also have their own meanings and values!#might make a (smaller) post about them one day because there are things to say about those too#but for THIS post just “Ichi” is kinda interesting to know about#that's how people who knew Ichiban BEFORE the prison calls him.#Arakawa and Sawashiro always calls him like this. Aoki initially does in the Otohime Land scene but then switches back to Ichiban#probably because he was putting on some kind of friendly face when he still thought a deal with Ichiban was possible.#once he knows he is an enemy he doesn't have to pretend anymore#tried to keep this spoiler free (only for Ch14 onward) and you can REALLY FEEL some info missing in this because of that but heh
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#ALL POWER DEMANDS PAIN AND SACRIFICE: musings.#okay but this made me laugh so hard just because of how much it reminds me of misao JSJSJ LOL because she has had like casual 'flings'-#with people and is an addictive personality as i've talked about here once which includes her being a love junkie + getting into-#relationships with people because she is in love with the IDEA of being in love though falling in love with someone can't just happen-#like magic as it involves a bunch of hormones and stuff but misao kind of somewhat hopes that this person of interest to her will somehow-#complete her life anyhow which... yeah can definitely raise a few problems as people with a love addiction often attract love-#avoidant people because both of these types of people generally have a fear of being abandoned and controlled.#but whenever it comes to love-avoidant individual's they're also emotionally unavailable so 😬#it's unfortunately kinddd of a recipe for an unhealthy relationship that could very well lead to the both of them being in a bad place-#once they break up as misao as a love addict is constantly seeking out new love in particular as a lot of excitement and good feelings-#come with this particular type of love in particular. so yeahhh - i know that this may be a bit of a weird picture to do a meta to but-#SHHH lol i just thought it could possibly relate to her more long-term relationships that she's had with people as misao-#tends to avoid feelings of vulnerability with people as you may all know and so this leads to both her + the other person not really-#knowing what they are BC they haven't really established that deeper connection even though they've been together for a while.#not to say that i'm trying to blame misao for having problems with opening up or anything like that but she has a very disorganized-#attachment style i think and that leads to her often doing this continuous 'push and pull' thing in her romantic/sexual ships#where one moment she will want to be attached to the hip to them but the next she will be cold and distant from them.#so yeahhh. misao is honestly kind of like what i've said barton is before: a cake inside of a cake because i feel like she's got sides of-#herself that she doesn't even know about because she's been scared of being fully emotionally vulnerable with someone for a while now sadly#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.
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Imagine reading a new manga and joking about it being homoerotic and then it gets explicitly stated that one of the protags is gay
If I don't see any weird romance blossom between those two istg-
#AINT NO WAY I WENT 'OH TOXIC HORROR YAOI /J' AND THEN THE NARRATIVE SAID 'bet.'#oh if they dont eventually end up together ill lose it#i thought- i thought i was just too influenced by tumblr when i saw the vivisection scene and went 'haha gay sex /j' and then- and then???#i dont even care if they actually get together tbh#i just want them to keep being that weird#the entire situation is fun if you ignore the atrocities lack of morality and cannibalism#one day youre a 30 y/o high school teacher - the other youre a lab experiment on immortality and a househusband. and a murder accomplice#also congrats you just gain a pet monkey who hates the mad scientist that kidnapped your corpse and brought it back to life#EDIT: OH THEYRE SO IN LOVE THERES NO WAY-#problematic couple for the win#nobody deserve to deal with them so they should stick together#i cant stop laughing#toya wtf#edit 2: officially gay yay#edit 3: ITS AN UNHAPPY ENDING NUOOOOOHHH#sleeping dead#pretty sure i stumbled on the first chapter some years ago#anyway - my conclusion to this is: sometimes its good to read smth without having any clue on what its about - sometimes all you need is to#look at the volume cover and go 'eh. lets try it'#conclusion n2: indulge in dark stories from time to time. its good. not that id say sleeping dead is the darkest out there but that may be#just me-#theres def worse than that#ive made this post in my draft before posting - thats why there are already 'edit's
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brief untethered post re: in from the cold 'cause i'm thinking abt autonomy again and about how ilya separates from himself under extreme duress already - serious problem after the banquet in arr and throughout hw, but culminating in sb specifically re: why and how he's so capable of real extreme acts of violence without really... settling to acknowledge them until much, much later. like he knows, but that knowledge hasn't ever settled physically in his body so if/when he feels that trauma he tends to feel it kind of all at once. anyway, forced very literally to come to terms with All That because zenos, the embodiment of all he's refusing to acknowledge inside of himself, understands him in a way he's never understood himself is so, so much.
and there's no real relief in succeeding, right, because that wasn't really the point, and he's just like. stuck in his body, this thing that begets nothing but violence and blood and hurt, and he's kinda just got to. live with that, lmao. despite everything it's still you ass moment.
so he goes home, because instead of actually dealing with all that all he can think about is fray, and ishgard, and the baffling black heart of him all wrapped up the first place he felt all the blood was worth something.
and it was worth something at all because of aymeric. like, he struggles to admit it but every time he ends up back there, almost always so far out of his way it'needing someone else who sees past all of the blood he's spilled to remind him of what else his body is for.
#can already feel the thoughts dissolving into the aether#unfortunately when i can't sleep i think abt ilyaymeric and then inevitably make myself sad lmao it starts so innocuous!!!!#man there were estinien thoughts in here too because he's a very weird intermediary in the literal distance between them#both like. both ilya and estinien are like. honest to a fault right probably a little too straightforward#they speak if not the same language like#dialects lmao#like stop faffing about you fucking idiot and also stop breaking that man's heart. and your heart. just stop.#get your shit together so we never have to talk about this again#xiv blogging#ch: ilya#ilyaymeric#most of ilya's reluctance in ew regarding aymeric is horrifyingly like. self-awareness.#need to write so much of this but conversation between he and estinien where he's like sure but before we get into our fucking hearts#do you know how many temple knights i've killed? all right. do you know that aymeric /knew/ that i was killing temple knights?#and even knowing that even knowing what happend in whitebrim he just.... let in keep happening.#YOU KNOW THAT'S BAD RIGHT#estinien: you're right everything about you is fucked up#deal with it#anyway WHAT IF I SLEPT
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do u think a weird platonic life-partnership can blossom between two autistic scientists in a disco club
[image description: a drawing of two original characters, rowan hawkes and pamela budgie. rowan is a short, thin person with a large nose, stubble, round glasses, and long fluffy hair tied into a braid. he is wearing dark button-up with a large collar and a turtleneck underneath and high-waisted bell-bottoms. pam is a lanky person with short messy hair, a pointy nose, and a mole above her lip. she is wearing a short-sleeve turtleneck and straight leg jeans. the drawing is framed by a spotlight in the darkness, where rowan and pam are standing with their backs to eachother while holding hands. pam is looking back over her shoulder with a tired yet surprised expression, while rowan looks up at her with a smile while dancing. sparkles surround the both of them, and the drawing is done in a retro-looking style. end id]
#listening 2 disco n i thought of them. enjoy#been having to bum off my sisters mobile hotspot to post anything AAAUGH#i futzed with this for so long just TAKE IT before i lose my Gourd#also pre-girl pam reveal... sometimes all you need to discover youre trans is a weird little guy that cares too much about corpses#ok im SLEEPING NOW!!!!! i will be home from camping tomorrow <3#doc talks#my art#my characters
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girl help the bad decisions have consequences
#okay tbf its not half as bad as i thought itd be#been feeling like im kiiinda close to collapsing during pe and sometimes i said weird shit with less awareness than normal#but thats okay soooo#i mean. my friend stayed over and then spontaneously slept here#so we decided to watch some more gravity falls#and play point and click horror games or watch youtube videos of scarier horror games (neither of us handles horror well)#and listened to some magnus archives#accompanied by monster energy because fuck yeah#i had like a third over and drank that before breakfast after waking up i think i could see colours and smell balance for a second#got three hours of sleep. was more awake than ever at school even on the rare occasion of a full 8 hours#also it was so worth it#and i mean when else are we supposed to make horrible decisions??#a biscuit's rambles
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