#well I didn't want to throttle any of the characters by the end

[firebirdsdaughter]

Realised I never heard how Donbrothers ended, so looked it up and…

… Yeah. Glad I dropped it. Not my cup of tea at all.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

That theory in Riddle being sexually abused by a Doctor figure and the behaviours he depicted + the talk on unsympathetic victims... Kind of violently reminded me of Severus, and especially his Worst memory where the Marauders did what they did to him. Even his bond with Lily was this unhealthy dependency I think? Well not the right word. But Lily was the only thing keeping him sane and going I feel.

Anonymus: Adding on to the previous ask about Sev and Lily and unsympathetic victims. Do you think the Evans ever acted for Severus the way the weasleys did for Harry? A safe retreat? Do you think they ever tried to report Tobias? How do you interpret Sev and Lil's bond? I know a lot of the fandom thinks Sev was infatuated with her/ romantically loved her...but I often felt that Severus raised Lily to a holy Mary status, and that while he did in fact love her, it was platonic (in which case there is a comment to be made about the way platonic love between opp sex PPL is perceived and ridiculed)

I'm not the op of the post you mentioned, but yeah, Severus is a great example of an unsympathetic victim. Personally, he isn't a character I like all that much, but he is undeniably an interesting one. This turned out a little rambly, but that's what I got.

We don't know how SWM ended, but, yeah... not pleasant regardless of how far it went.

Severus was definitely a victim of abuse, both at his home and school and what he went through was awful. That victimhood doesn't excuse his treatment of students in his care. Like, I had a temporary position as an instructor for teenagers, and Severus' treatment of his students makes me want to throttle him a bit.

But as a child, as a teen — he definitely didn't deserve the life he got. Dumbledore has a tendency to turn a blind eye to abuse for various reasons, which ended up fucking a lot of people over, Snape included. (Tom and Hary too)

As for Severus' dependence on Lily, yeah, I think he was incredibly fixated on her. I agree with you that that fixation isn't necessarily romantic. Lily, was essentially Severus' first friend — his best friend. Lily was to Snape what Ron was to Harry in a way. The first person he felt he could trust.

I went through The Prince's Tale to refresh my memory on all of this, and I wanna talk about his friendship with Lily first, actually.

“. . . thought we were supposed to be friends?” Snape was saying, “Best friends?” “We are, Sev, but I don’t like some of the people you’re hanging round with! I’m sorry, but I detest Avery and Mulciber! Mulciber! What do you see in him, Sev, he’s creepy! D’you know what he tried to do to Mary MacDonald the other day?” Lily had reached a pillar and leaned against it, looking up into the thin, sallow face. “That was nothing,” said Snape. “It was a laugh, that’s all—” “It was Dark Magic, and if you think that’s funny—” “What about the stuff Potter and his mates get up to?” demanded Snape. His color rose again as he said it, unable, it seemed, to hold in his resentment.

(DH, 569)

Severus sees himself and Lily as best friends. He's happy when she dislikes James, but, he never makes any attempt to become romantic with her. It can be read either way, but personally, I like to read it as a close friendship.

(A little unrelated note about the above quote I saw someone mention once somewhere: Severus knows James fancies Lily, and warns her about it in that same conversation above, and It's interesting he raises Lily's potential romantic interest in James as a retort when she says she doesn't know what he sees in Mulciber. Is anyone shipping Mulciber/Severus? 👀)

I mentioned in this post how I believe Severus' Patronus is a doe because he sees Lily as his defender. Even after all these years. And I think, that too, can be about friendship. Because Liy was his first friend, his first defender. The fact that in SWM we see her step in to defend him suggests to me it happened before. That Lily stepped in to defend Severus, so when he calls for a guardian, in the form of a Patronus, it's still Lily.

And after SWM, Severus is less concerned about what happened to him, he's more concerned about losing Lily. That was the worst thing about that memory. Not his humiliation or assualt, but the loss of his first, and probably only best friend. I don't think he ever trusted someone else like he trusted Lily:

“I’m sorry.” “I’m not interested.” “I’m sorry!” “Save your breath.” It was nighttime. Lily, who was wearing a dressing gown, stood with her arms folded in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, at the entrance to Gryffindor Tower. “I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.” “I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just—” “Slipped out?” There was no pity in Lily’s voice.

(DH, 571)

Is he a blood-purist who thinks Lily is a perfect muggleborn and therefore an exception to everything? Yes. Severus is in the wrong here about calling Lily a mudblood and thinking it's fine because she's a good mudblood, she's not like the other muggleborns. Lily has every right to cease her friendship with him over it.

But it's telling about his priorities the first thing he does is try to fix their friendship, to apologize to her.

Did he deserve to be hanged upside down and likely stripped in the middle of a large audience at school? Hell no. James probably didn't see it as a big deal, but it's so messed up I don't really know what to say, really. Like, I think Severus definitely fought back and wasn't always the victim of the Marauders, though. In the scene I mentioned above with Mulciber it's implied Severus and his Death Eater buddies are just as bad as James and the Marauders are. Their targets are just different. I think what James did is awful and inexcusable, but at the same time, I think, in the same way Tom Riddle hung Billy's rabbit to scare his bullies away, Severus tried to do the same, if less successfully. It's why he invented spells like Langlock (used in SWM on him) and Sectumsempra.

A lot of his demeanor is the result of abuse. He bullies and scares his students because he's mimicking his father, his abuser. he learned from him to control by force, with fear threats, and degradation. Because that's what Severus experienced as a child. Also, the fact he became a professor as young as he did, meant he felt had to force his students to take him seriously. Some of his first students probably saw him in his lowest moments as a student himself. So, he resorted to the fear and insults that his father likely used when he wanted to be taken seriously.

I truly think the loss of Lily's friendship is what stung the most about the whole ordeal of SWM. I mean, Severus has a lot of bad memories. I'm sure this wasn't the only time he was humiliated and assaulted. He was abused by his father. He was almost killed by Lupin as a werewolf during the prank. And then he joined a terrorist organization where he was likely tortured, where he likely watched people die. And in all of this, his worst memory is this one case of assault that I doubt was the only one? This doesn't make much sense to me, I think it's his worst memory not because of what happened to him, but because he lost his friendship with Lily over what he considers a "stupid slip".

And yeah, after Lily's death, in his mind, Snape raised her to a saintly status. He never has a mean thought about her, because he feels guilty over her death. He feels like he killed his only defender. So, of course, his memories of her are colored like she was perfect. That's how he wants to remember her so he can keep feeling guilty and hating himself over it. He feels like he deserves to feel that way. This is something you see with victims of abuse, they rationalize their abuse by convincing themselves they deserve it.

And Snape is a very bitter character who doesn't want to get better.

As for whether I think he found solace in the Evans household the same way Harry did with the Weasleys? The answer is yes actually. And there's some evidence for it.

Lily knew things weren't good at home for Severus:

“How are things at your house?” Lily asked. A little crease appeared between his eyes. “Fine,” he said. “They’re not arguing anymore?” “Oh yes, they’re arguing,” said Snape. He picked up a fistful of leaves and began tearing them apart, apparently unaware of what he was doing. “But it won’t be that long and I’ll be gone.”

(DH, 563-564)

And Severus mentioned later in that conversation how his father doesn't just not like magic — he doesn't like anything. Severus and his mother are very clearly implied to be abused by his father when his mother is mentioned. He doesn't describe much of what goes on at home, he tries to act fine, but I'm calling it abuse because of what it most likely is. Severus can't wait to leave home as an eleven-year-old. This isn't something that usually happens in healthy households.

Additionally, Severus spent enough time in their house it was conceivable he and Lily snuck into Petunia's room to find her letter to Hogwarts:

“You shouldn’t have read—” whispered Petunia, “that was my private—how could you—?” Lily gave herself away by half-glancing toward where Snape stood nearby. Petunia gasped. “That boy found it! You and that boy have been sneaking in my room!”

(DH, 566)

So, he probably stayed over with the Evans parents most of the day and only returned home to sleep. That's what I think happened. And, Lily's parents seem very kind and accepting of magic from what little we hear of them:

Lily glanced toward her parents, who were looking around the platform with an air of wholehearted enjoyment, drinking in the scene. Then she looked back at her sister, and her voice was low and fierce

(DH, 566)

“You knew?” said Harry. “You knew I’m a — a wizard?” “Knew!” shrieked Aunt Petunia suddenly. “Knew! Of course we knew! How could you not be, my dratted sister being what she was? Oh, she got a letter just like that and disappeared off to that — that school — and came home every vacation with her pockets full of frog spawn, turning teacups into rats. I was the only one who saw her for what she was — a freak! But for my mother and father, oh no, it was Lily this and Lily that, they were proud of having a witch in the family!”

(PS, 41)

I think Severus preferred the Evans house over his own. His own where his parents argued and his father abused him and his mother. Where his parents both worked and left him wandering the streets as a young child.

As for whether the Evans parents ever tried to report Tobias, we just don't really know. I'd say no. Domestic abuse in the 1970s was still largely unrecognized and not treated legally and medically like it is today. So, I don't think they'd have anyone to report to even if they wanted to. Especially with where the Snapes lived, which was essentially slums that the police didn't bother with anyway.

[lmttn]

Gabriel Knight 3: Day 1 Complete

After my initial post about Gabriel Knight 3 (which was itself just me restating a few Tweets I made about the game), I figured I'd keep writing about it until I'm finished with it. I guess this will be like a really abridged camcorder let's play, but maybe less focused on the game itself (For example, I don't think I want to reveal too many huge plot spoilers.) and more on my own thoughts on the game and maybe also the graphic adventure genre as a whole.

Before I start, maybe I should first talk about my own history with the point and click adventure genre. It's not very long. When I was a kid I played a little bit of Nancy Drew: Curse of Blackmoor Manor (2004) with my mom, and I thought it was really difficult and none of the puzzles made any sense and then I went back to playing Battlefield 1942 (2002). Not long later, after getting GameTap (points to anyone else who had it), I tried a few of the many old adventure games on the service, such as the first couple King's Quest games and some of the Myst games. You could probably guess how well those went for me.

It wasn't until last year, at a point in time in which I really felt like I had played everything I thought I wanted to play, that I decided I'd give the genre another shot. It was a good opportunity to explore what I had realized was a huge blind spot; I love old PC games, and this was once a marquee genre for the platform. The first game I played in this excursion was LucasArts's Sam & Max Hit the Road (1993). I just thought it was okay. I really liked Sam and Max as characters, but I wasn't that invested in the world they inhabited or the mystery the game saw them solving. In addition, I really couldn't recall a single puzzle in the whole game. That might be a good thing, since that means none of them must have been particularly infuriating. Next, I tried Full Throttle (1995), also by LucasArts. I didn't finish it because basically nothing about its story, world, characters, or gameplay grabbed me. It's allegedly extremely short, so for all I know I might have seen the majority of the game before quitting.

Up next was Sierra's The Beast Within: A Gabriel Knight Mystery (1995), which I'm just going to refer to as Gabriel Knight 2 or GK2. I was interested in it because it seemed like the polar opposite of the other two games I played. For one, it was by the other major graphic adventure publisher. But it obviously ran way deeper than that. GK2 was very different in terms of tone and presentation as well, being a dark paranormal mystery in a contemporary setting, played by live actors.

I ended up finding GK2 to be immensely charming. Gabriel Knight and Grace Nakimura, the game's dual protagonists, quickly became two of my favorite characters in the medium. The writing and acting were campy, but nothing felt forced or insincere. A couple of its puzzles were pretty frustrating, but they were worth powering through to see the next part of the story. Also, it had to be among the most homoerotic games to be released by a major publisher in the 1990s. Metal Gear Solid wishes. If you're reading this and you haven't played it, I highly recommend it.

Which finally brings me to Gabriel Knight 3: Blood of the Sacred, Blood of the Damned (1999). I first tried it right after finishing 2, but was scared off by its interface, which may have been designed by aliens. I'm not going to retread what I talked about in my initial post about the game, but trust me: it's fucking weird.

One of the most confusing things about GK3 is how it starts. The game's opening cutscene gives absolutely no context as to why Gabriel is getting his ass on a train in France. That's because the actual intro is in a prologue comic, which was included in the game's box, but bizarrely isn't included as a digital extra in the Steam/GOG re-releases of the game. Thankfully, it has been uploaded elsewhere.

Heartbreakingly, Dean Erickson did not return to reprise his role as Gabriel. Instead, Tim Curry—who voiced him in the first game—was brought back to play the protagonist. Erickson knocked it out of the park in GK2. He had a more convincing Louisiana accent than Tim Curry ever will, and he was significantly more capable of portraying Gabriel at his most serious. Curry's portrayal, on the other hand, is really over-the-top. Unfortunately, Joanne Takahashi, who did a fantastic job as Grace in 2, didn't return either. I can't comment on her replacement (Charity James) just yet, as Grace has had very little presence so far in my playthrough.

As I said in my initial post about the game, Gabriel Knight 3 used a completely original engine. It was probably going to be used for more than just this game, but GK3 ended up being Sierra's final adventure game. It's a shame because it's a really fascinating engine that, weird interface aside, opens up a level of fully 3D exploration that other graphic adventure games didn't have. Instead of pre-rendered backgrounds, everything is 3D: characters, environments, and all the little objects that inhabit them. The level of detail is pretty surprising, as some of these areas are quite big. You have a freely controllable camera that moves independently of the player character. In the two images below, you can see the same area through two cameras. The first is the default angle you see when you load into this area. In the second, I pulled the camera back as far as it let me:

Obviously, the ground textures have not aged all that well, and some of the skyboxes depicting distant mountains don't look too great either. The level of detail, however, is pretty impressive. All signs and posters in the world are fully legible, and the texture filtering is good enough that they actually still look very smooth when you zoom in on them. I should've taken some pictures of them to illustrate this.

The interiors look (and run) way better, and they also do a better job of showing off the level of detail this engine is capable of. You can pick up that crumpled piece of paper in front of the trash can. It's so useless that it doesn't even get added to your inventory, but it still has a whole animation and voiceover dedicated to it.

Gabriel Knight 3's game sections are divided very concretely. The game's "chapters" are presented as days, which are split blocks of hours. For example, Day 1 of the game is split into 10AM-12PM, 12PM-2PM, 2PM-4PM, 4PM-6PM, and 6PM-10PM. Thankfully, there is no time limit or real-time clock. Instead, essential story progress is what moves you from one time block to the next. As the title suggests, I just finished Day 1 of the game.

Day 1 has the notorious cat hair mustache puzzle. It is, to put it lightly, fucking stupid. To make matters worse, it is the first major puzzle in the game. I can't even imagine how many people bought this game in 1999 only to never see past this part.

While its tale of vampires, missing babies, secret societies, hidden treasures, and seriously unconvincing Scottish accents has me intrigued so far, GK3 lacks the camp charm of its predecessor. Jane Jensen can obviously still write convincing characters, and her sense of humor still shines through occasionally, but this game is way more stone-faced than 2 so far. But all in all, so far so good. If I can get through a puzzle so bad it has its own Wikipedia article, I should be able to comfortably get through the rest of Gabriel Knight 3.

[jaimehwatson]

1, 2, 10, 11, 15, 19!

Thanks Syb! <3

1.What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again?

I wrote erotica involving a trans character for the first time in A Proper Apology! (Well, technically he's not actually human and wasn't really assigned any gender at birth, but you know, basically I wrote him like he's trans.) As someone who's still in the process of figuring out a transmasculine identity myself, I often prefer to read and write fics where the characters are all cisgender because it's like, I'm here to have fun, I don't even want to deal with thinking about all that complicated stuff that affects my real life right now. But I'm happy to have given something different a try with this fic, and I hope it's something I'll be able to do more in the future as I get more confident in who I am. Shout-out to @glitterarygetsit for beta-reading that one and helping polish it!

2. How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!)

Apparently I've published 16 (most of which are pretty short), and I also have my Yuletide fic about to be revealed and bring it up to 17! Then in my unfinished drafts I have at least 5 more, all of which are for Our Flag Means Death. The new season gave me so many ideas that I didn't finish all of them, but maybe I'll revisit some in the new year!

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

Probably my magnum opus, Tonight on Ring of Revenge! It's my longest fanfic and probably in my top 5 longest works of fiction I've completed in general, and it was really fun and satisfying to be able to gradually make a wild idea I had while watching wrestling work out. I'm really proud of it and it feels very unique to me - like plenty of other people are also great at writing the kind of horny one-shots I do a lot of, but no one else made the pirate wrestling AU, that's a Jaime Special

15. Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023

I'll do the same one I just answered - Tonight on Ring of Revenge! It loosely follows the overall plot of season 1 of OFMD but set in the modern era with the characters as pro wrestlers instead of pirates. Is that an extremely silly idea? Yes! Does it also actually suit the themes and characterization of the show really well? You bet! Are there ridiculous campy wrestling plots and choreographed fake violence and also sex? Hell yeah! I had a lot of fun doing research for it and I think there are plenty of details in there that wrestling fans will appreciate, but I also added plenty of author's notes explaining things for readers who are less familiar with wrestling. It's about 26k words and has a cute happy ending! Enjoy!

19. Share your favorite opening line

I think I have to go with this one from When You Like And Where You Like!

"We have three years of the past to discuss. Let that suffice until half-past nine, when we start upon the notable adventure of the empty house." As Sherlock Holmes leaned casually against the desk in my study, a self-satisfied smile on his pale and aquiline face, I was seized with a momentary urge to leap from my chair and throttle him.

The first line of dialogue is directly out of "The Adventure of the Empty House," and if I remember correctly, it precedes a bit of a timeskip to the story picking up later that night. The second line is me starting a little missing scene! I really enjoy writing stuff like this that follows canon closely and could arguably have happened in between without necessarily contradicting anything, and I think it's a solid opening in terms of how much it establishes in those first two sentences: if you've read this story you'll probably recognize that line and know immediately at what point in canon this is set, and you'll understand why Watson is angry and why this is something that deserves a missing scene to get into his reaction to what's going on more!

2023 in Review Fic Writer Asks

[byebyelemonpie]

byebyelemonpie's august 2023 recommendations

Wow, my picks for this month are very weak, because I didn't watch any movie that stood up to me as much as previous months, and I've really liked only one series from the few ones I've finished.

My august top 5 movies:

Seriously. These movies are so mid that I don't even want to mention some of them in my top 5. Most movies I've seen from this month are rated 3.5 stars on letterboxd, and that's mostly because of great animation or great cinematography.

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003, dir: McG) [Rewatch after more than a decade] I had rewatched the first one recently and found it worse than I remembered, but this one was actually awesome. I very much enjoyed watching it, with its action scenes, its plot twists, and its Badass Girls Doing Stuff! It's just a very fun film, and I loved rediscovering it. -

Atonement (2007, dir: Joe Wright) [Rewatch after 9 years] I actually decided to rewatch this movie because the first time I saw it, I didn't like it at all. I get why, though: it doesn't have the best ending that 18 year old me would have loved, but 27 year old me now understands the nuances and the storytelling. I think the way it's told might be a little confusing at first, but it's interesting to see the different points of view and the lies of the person who tells the story rather than what actually happened. And my goodness, the green dress cinematography and the sound design are amazing. -

Trainspotting (1996, dir: Danny Boyle) [Rewatched after seven years] I don't even know if I liked this movie. I might have even hated it at times. I surely thought that the narrator talked way too much, but the story required it and it wouldn't be it without his redundant monologues. Every character is awful, but you can't help to root for them at least a bit: they are in misery, and it doesn't matter if they've created it for themselves or if society had a big part in that creation. What I really loved though, was the originality in depicting those abstract sequences that showed the state the characters were in when they were abusing substances: the editing was all over the place. I also watched T2 for the first time, but I personally didn't find it as good as the first one. -

Red, White and Royal Blue (2023, dir: Matthew López) [First time watch] This was fun! Definitely funnier than I expected, never having read the book before. I think the first act and a half were very fast and fun to follow, while the second half of the movie was at the same time too long with a very fast ending. I thought it was quite cute, though. -

Elemental (2023, dir: Peter Sohn) [First time watch] Listen, I love Pixar and I've loved Pixar for a long time. That's why I can say with my whole heart that they can do better than this! Of course, this wasn't terrible: I enjoyed it very much and it had my attention the whole time, but I know Pixar can and has done better movies even decades ago. The story is quite nice, maybe not the most original overall, but Pixar had never made a rom-com as far as I remember, so I'll let that slide. It's fun to see how "perfect" the elements look, of course! They're beautiful! They way they interact with each other and with other elements is very clever and well animated. I know that Pixar has strived to animate realistic things since its beginnings, but this is a fictional land with abstract characters! Shouldn't the animation, or even better, the character design be a little less "perfect"? And I'm not saying it should lack talent: I'm saying it should gain more feeling, rather. And I know that this studio can do that, if even more recently we look at things like Luca or Red, even.

The fact is that this same month I also watched for the first time Atlantis: The Lost Empire, which is a Disney film from that era of Disney that made great movies, and that had amazing animation, and the character design varied from character to character, highlighting everybody's personalities from even the smallest details. I didn't put it on the top 5 list because unfortunately I watched it while doing something else and now I don't remember much of it and that's on me, but I think it can have this small shout out anyway.

Favourite series in august:

Be My Favorite (Thailand, 2023) [First time watch] This was such a cute drama, started as a light show about a boy using time travel to make a girl like him, and evolved into a deep, quite philosophical story revolving around fixed points in time, fate, fighting for what's important even if things won't change immediately, queer rights, and making a boy like him instead. Probably one of my favourite series from this year: I enjoyed its fairytale vibes and its storytelling. It's quite difficult to write a story with several parallel universes starting up from different time travels, but I think the writers of this show managed to keep it easy to understand and fun to follow.

[byebyelemonpie's 2023 recs]

[rosietrace]

Hello Rosie [evil] we need to interact more so ∅ for Walton with Max and Sam or Victoria with Keres >:)

Hi Mercie! I'm gonna do a separate post for Vic and Keres, since this post is gonna be longer if I do both in one go HSJSHDJS

Edit: I'm so sorry this took so long to post 💀

Oc thoughts: Walton Morrigan on Maxwell Murray and Samuel

Character Featured: Walton Morrigan

Mentioned: Maxwell Murray, Samuel

Warning(s): Walton /j, Samuel being a little shit, Trinity™, implied murder(?), Walton's room, potentially ooc

[ Apologies for any out of character moments ]

[ Reblogs > Likes ]

†•°•══════ஓ๑❃๑ஓ══════•°•†

“Hmm….. My dorm leader intrigues me. I don't know much about Maxwell, but I wish to know more… It's funny, really. Uncharacteristically tall, with a unique magic that makes him almost invisible… He'd make a wonderful test subject.”

“Samuel. That troublesome little- Ugh…. They exasperate me, to no end. His childishness and annoying voice make my ears bleed, and sometimes, in the dead of night, I wonder what would happen if I…. Oh, hah. You didn't hear that.”

— Walton Morrigan

╔══ஓ๑†๑ஓ══╗

Non-verbal Thoughts

╚══ஓ๑†๑ஓ══╝

「 General Thoughts 」

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ They don't talk to Walton. Or rather, Walton doesn't talk to them as much as he should.

➜ Walton's always busy with his machinery and computer work, and in general, pretty unapproachable. Not because no one wants to talk to him, but because Walton doesn't allow anyone closer to him. Simply put: He keeps everyone at arm's length.

➜ And Maxwell and Samuel aren't exceptions. Not in the slightest. Walton only goes to them when it concerns any conditions he needs to meet regarding his machinery, but that's about it.

➜ They've interacted with him, of course, but it's just unusually rare. Walton doesn't make it any better, his eerie — almost uncanny — sort of personality.

➜ Perhaps there's another reason Max doesn't approach Walton. The latter claims he works at a hospital on the side, after all…

➜ Walton's one of the few people who immediately notice Max is around. Quietness doesn't stop him from being as analytical as he is.

➜ Samuel's shenanigans frustrate him to no end. He has this almost murderous look in his eyes every time he talks to them. He gets progressively angrier when Samuel starts messing with him through his ‘childish’ pranks.

➜ Trinity seems to be the only one who can properly restrain Walton from throttling Samuel, then and there, at any given moment. Despite that, Walton's significantly taller than they were, and has gotten close to see the light leave Samuel's eyes…. Allegedly.

➜ When they do dorm room check-ins, Walton doesn't allow Max to check up on him in his room. And frankly, Max prefers it that way.

↳ There's just this…. Stench, to Walton's room. Max didn't wanna know what was the cause of it, and just left Walton's room be.

➜ Walton begrudgingly accepts the candy Samuel offers, even if — at times — there's probably some sort of concoction to them.

↳ If it can get Samuel away from him, then so be it.

༝ㅤ･ㅤ˚ㅤ。ㅤ.ㅤ⋆ㅤ「❃」

「 Interactions 」

❐ Well- Walton was in Terrovania since before Max became the dorm head. It was no surprise that he met Max, and later met Samuel.

➜ Walton wants to do experiments on Maxwell. Weird, I know, but he really isn't trying to beat the ‘mad scientist/potential serial killer’ allegations. (Maybe the latter, but not so much for the former.)

➜ He recommends movies to Max from time to time. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen. Oddly enough, Walton would usually recommend children's movies.

➜ He legitimately believed Samuel was like…. 12, at most. Then again, he didn't care how old he was, Samuel was a continuous nuisance to him.

➜ Walton ‘Samuel-proofed’ the ceilings in Terrovania so he couldn't crawl on them anymore. But, alas, it was only a temporary little addition.

➜ They really can't point their finger at it, but…. There was just something off about Walton. He talks, acts, and thinks like a normal overly analytical genius would. But, something about him just… Doesn't feel right.

➜ Walton brings lollipops everywhere he goes, just to shove them in Samuel's mouth to get him to shut up.

➜ ‘Conversations’ between Max and Walton barely feel like conversations. Because of how quiet the two are, most would just assume they were having an unusually tense staring contest.

➜ Learning about Max's unnatural strength, only made Walton want to run experiments on him even more. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, he can't do that as long as Max is still Terrovania’s dorm head.

➜ Both Max and Samuel can agree that they don't want to go into Walton's room at all. The stench emitting from it was enough of a reason, but it seemed there were more reasons than they let on…

†•°•══════ஓ๑❃๑ஓ══════•°•†

[jagged1]

I Made My Bed And I Must Lie In It (Not If I Can Help It)

Fandom: Outlast Rating: Teen Characters: Mentioned Jeremy Blaire/Waylon Park, pre-Eddie Gluskin/Waylon Park Summary: Waylon bails out of a bad situation, but needs some help with the consequences of his actions. Contains: Alternate Universe - College, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Domestic Abuse, Blood and Injury Word Count: ~3100 AO3 Link

Everything hurts. Oh fuck, does he ache like hell. Waylon’s made dumb decisions before, but this one is way up there. He can't believe he actually just jumped from a moving car.

One moment, everything was fine; he was fine, and now... now, he's laying on the side of the road, battered, bruised, bleeding, chilled, and more than a little lost. He isn’t entirely sure how he got himself into this position.

Well... no, he might be lying to himself a bit. More than a bit. Okay, a lot. He knows his friends have never liked Jeremy. He thought they were just being overprotective, a ‘Here’s a newly out Waylon testing the waters in college, better keep an eye on him’ kind of love.

He knows he was resistant to listening to them. Sure, Jeremy could be kind of an ass, but he was kind to Waylon when it mattered. He thought they’d eventually warm up to him. Instead, they hate him more than before and here he is beat to fucking hell in more ways than one.

He was really wrong with that one.

Jeremy’s always been a little pushy, but his confidence in his every move was what drew Waylon in. He didn’t think complaining about it was his place, so when Jeremy pushed a little too hard or went a little too far, Waylon just took it. They were still learning each other's habits and limits. Jeremy wasn't stupid by any means, he had to see what Waylon was okay with and what he wasn't. They'd find their rhythm.

And then, they really didn't.

Jeremy kept pushing and he kept taking. He can’t help but think of the story of the frog in a pot not knowing it’s being boiled alive. It feels fitting.

He's so glad it hadn't gotten physical, because he already feels like death from his ill-advised leap of faith. It wasn't so far off though, based on Jeremy's cryptic answers about where they were headed, what was going to happen, and how angry he got when Waylon finally spoke up and began to really disagree.

He looked like he would have throttled Waylon if he could've and Waylon was not going to stick around and find out.

So a very ill-advised tuck and roll it was. He’s lucky he didn’t smash his head on the ground and that Jeremy just kept fucking driving instead of stopping and coming back for Waylon; he wouldn’t be able to put up any sort of protest in this state.

…Jesus, he really has been a complete idiot. That’s such a messed up thought to have, shit.

He wants to hide away and lick his wounds in peace. He wants to cry for being so fucking stupid. He thinks he could die from the shame of being so thoroughly fooled like he was. He’s thinking about just finding a place to squat for the night when a violent shiver wracks his body and puts an end to that train of thought.

He’s never been hurt like this before and he’s afraid he won’t make it through the night without help. He doesn’t exactly trust his judgment right now either.

First things first, he carefully tests each part of his body, taking stock of what hurts and how injured he might be beyond his nerves screaming pain at him. His back and shoulder took the brunt of the fall, and he thinks he feels cold air directly against his back, which would make sense. He probably has the worst road rash ever, but everything moves and nothing hurts more than he expected it to when he flexed, so that’s good.

Next, he carefully pushes himself into a sitting position and reaches for his phone. He’s praying it survived the jump, because he has seriously no idea what to do if he can’t use it to figure out where he is. He actually does tear up a little in relief when he pulls it out and sees it’s just a little more scratched up. Thank god for good phone cases.

When he pulls up his map app, he feels his heart sink. He’s in a part of town where he’s never been in before, so shuffling off on his own is out of the question. It’s probably better that he doesn’t move too much anyway, but still. He really doesn’t want anyone to see him like this. He’s afraid of what their reaction will be.

He absentmindedly bites his lip and hisses in pain. Shit, it’s probably split, he didn’t think about that. He’s actually terrified of checking himself out with the camera right now and pushes the thought aside.

Focus! He needs help and he can’t stay here. He should call someone, but who? He doesn’t want to call Lisa out to an unknown neighborhood late at night. Miles is out of town on some assignment, if he remembers correctly. That leaves… oh shit. Eddie.

Waylon groans. Eddie is both the best and the worst person for him to call. Eddie drives both a car and a motorcycle. He’ll be able to pick up Waylon with no problem and he probably knows exactly what to do for all his injuries. Not to mention he’s a beast and can take care of himself.

He also may or may not have a bit of a crush on the man and the thought of Eddie seeing him like this and judging him hurts. He debates taking his chances on a rideshare for a minute before discarding the idea. He’s made enough bad decisions for one night.

He takes a deep breath and holds it while he dials Eddie’s number and waits for him to pick up. Oh god, what if he doesn’t answer? What’s Waylon going to do? Will he have to actually try a rideshare? He’s halfway into driving himself into a panic spiral when Eddie answers. “Hello? Waylon?”

He lets the breath out in a messy sputter, a squeaky “Eddie!” coming out with it. Oh god, could he be any more pathetic right now? He grimaces, closing his eyes against the invisible judgment he feels.

“Eddie,” he tries again. “Hi... I’m sorry, but can you come and get me right now? Please? I’m in trouble.” An understatement, but Eddie will see for himself soon enough. “I’ve shared my location.”

“Trouble? Waylon, what is going on?” Waylon can hear him fumbling about in the background as he starts getting ready to leave.

He avoids the question, but does remember to tell Eddie, “Bring your car, I can’t ride on your bike right now.”

“Waylon!” He sounds panicked and Waylon feels so guilty and stupid and pathetic. He wants to end the call immediately, but he knows he’ll only make Eddie worry even more. He doesn’t need to get into an accident trying to help Waylon.

“I’m... not fine, but I’ll be okay until you get here. I left Jeremy. I don’t know where I am and I need help. Please... don’t ask anything more right now.” He hunches in on himself, hissing in pain as it pulls the wounds on his back.

“You do not sound fine. I won’t ask, but you are staying on the phone with me until I get there. I am not budging on this.” Waylon hears the sound of a car door slamming, he must be on his way. “I shouldn’t be long, stay with me.”

He gulps and murmurs quietly, almost chastised, “Okay. Thank you, Eddie.” He can’t stop the tears now, but at least he isn’t sobbing in Eddie’s ear.

Eddie keeps up a stream of comforting words and progress updates, only occasionally asking Waylon to respond so he can check that he’s still there. It’s more comforting than he expected and he finds himself relaxing incrementally.

It lasts until he can hear Eddie’s car speeding down the road. He immediately curls back into a tighter ball, another gasp of pain escaping. Across the phone, he can hear Eddie make another alarmed sound. “M’fine. Just moved wrong.”

“Is that you on the ground?”

“Yes.”

This time it's a wounded sound. “Waylon, darling, I’m right here. Just give me a minute.” He hangs up the phone and Waylon is so, so happy because the word ‘darling’ breaks him. He’s crying noisily now and if Eddie can’t hear him while he’s parking, he will soon.

Eddie practically wrenches his door off the hinges, sprinting over to Waylon. “Darling, what happened?” He drops to a knee, hands hovering over him, like he’s afraid his touch will break him.

Waylon cries harder, noisy gulps of air interspersed with hiccuping sobs. He doesn’t know if he’s touched by Eddie’s concern or hurt that he’s being denied that comfort. His chest feels so tight and his stomach feels like it’s dropped out from underneath him

“Oh, darling...” Eddie sounds heartbroken and his expression can only be described as devastated. “You’ll be okay. I’ll take care of you. You’re safe with me.” He stands up, offering his hands. “Can I help you stand? We’ll get you to my car and make a plan from there, okay?”

Waylon can only nod, carefully uncurling and reaching for his hands.

Eddie immediately takes them, only barely refraining from hauling Waylon up himself to ensure he doesn’t aggravate any of the numerous injuries he can see and especially those he can’t. They’ll need to go to a hospital, but he knows Waylon won’t agree to that tonight. He’ll have to take him home and do his best.

He does practically lift him off his feet with how much weight he takes as he walks him over to the car. He didn't even bother to turn it off, and he’s glad for that with how cold Waylon feels. He immediately settles him into the backseat on his side before swinging around to the trunk to pull out the emergency blanket he keeps in there and tucking it around him loosely. He’d love to have him up front with him, but it’s better to keep pressure off his back for now.

He crouches down again and gently brushes some of Waylon’s hair out of his face. “Are you okay coming home with me? I can take a look at your wounds and take care of them there.”

Waylon’s still gasping for air between his forcefully stifled sobs, so he nods again, choking out a tiny “Please.”

“Of course, darling. It won’t be long.” He strokes one finger lightly against Waylon’s temple before withdrawing. He wishes he could speed home, but he can’t risk hurting Waylon anymore, so it’s better that they get going now.

The drive feels like it takes forever and no time at all, both of them caught up in their own worries and fears. Waylon has managed to stop crying even as the guilt and shame he feels intensifies. Eddie feels like he's hanging onto his calmness by a thread. He desperately wants answers and to do something, anything, for Waylon.

He's terribly invested in his well-being.

As soon as he’s parked, Eddie comes around to the backseat. “Waylon, we’re here. Can you sit up so we can go in?”

He nods again, not trusting his voice to hold. He carefully rights himself before awkwardly shuffling along the seat to take Eddie’s hand and stand. As much as he wants to shy away from his touch, he’s craving the comfort it brings him. He makes do with clutching the blanket harder with his other hand.

They make their way inside, shucking their shoes at the door before Eddie ushers him towards the bathroom, settling him on the toilet. “Let me get you a change of clothes and the first aid kit. I’ll be right back.” True to his word, Eddie’s not gone more than a minute. He sets the pile of clothes aside for later before kneeling in front of Waylon. “Can you drop the blanket? I need to see your wounds.”

Waylon lets the blanket slide from his grip and shoulders, hissing as it drags lightly across his injuries.

Eddie furrows his brow at the sound, mouth pursing in displeasure and worry. “I’m sorry, darling, I don’t want to give you anything until after I’ve seen how injured you are. I’ll be as quick and careful as possible. I promise.” He slowly reaches out to touch Waylon, sighing in relief when Waylon’s eyes close at his touch and he relaxes into it.

He takes the opportunity to take a long look at him, bruised, scraped, and bleeding. He looks so fragile and so strong at once. Eddie admires that about him, but he wishes Waylon wouldn’t push himself so hard and treat himself so roughly. He still doesn’t know the story, but he knows Waylon.

He gives himself a shake before refocusing on his task. He gently moves Waylon to get a better look at the various injuries, testing his range of motion. It’s mostly smaller scale, some scrapes and bruises, but nothing that worries him. He reaches for the antiseptic and delicately cleans the open wounds before applying bandages. They’ll need to get ice packs later for some of the swelling.

When he’s done tending to Waylon’s front, he asks “Can you open your eyes? I need to check for a concussion.”

Waylon obliges. He follows Eddie’s finger as it moves, meets his gaze as he checks his pupil sizes, answers all the basic questions he asks to check his memory. They’re both not sure if the pain is related to one or just the overwhelming feedback from the rest of his body, but they do their best.

Eddie is still concerned, but Waylon passes most of his tests, so he lets it go. It will be a problem for them to tackle tomorrow. “I think you’re alright, so now, could you turn around?”

He carefully rotates to put as much of his back towards the light and Eddie’s gaze as he can. He has to fight the urge to curl up as he hears Eddie hiss in sympathy.

“Waylon, darling, I’ll need to cut your shirt off to see better. Is that okay?” At his nod, Eddie reaches for the trauma shears and quickly cuts through the remaining cloth, gently easing it off Waylon’s torso. He looks like he’s been through a shredder, large swaths of skin sheared off and gravel and grit embedded in places, dotting the bright red skin with flecks of brown, gray and black.

They’ll need to clean it all out before he can do anything else, but he’s afraid of causing him any more pain. “Waylon… There’s a lot of debris in these. I’ll need to remove it. Can I wash your back?”

Waylon flushes pink. As if he wasn’t already feeling exposed, this might just be the thing that will kill him. He’s oddly grateful for the pain. It keeps him grounded. He gives another tiny nod, bracing himself.

Eddie works quickly. He uses tweezers to pull the largest pieces out before getting the softest washcloth he has and wetting it, along with a cup full of water. He carefully pours the smallest amount of water along each section of his skin, gently following up with the cloth. It’s painstaking work, each gasp of pain from Waylon makes him wince. But his hands stay steady.

As soon as he’s done with the water, he grabs a soft towel, pressing it lightly against Waylon’s back, checking for any remaining debris and how badly the blood is flowing. When he hears Waylon make a protesting noise, he scoffs, cutting him off. He can replace the damn thing later.

Luckily, there isn’t as much blood as he feared. He will have to restock the antibiotics after this, maybe even the gauze bandages. There’s very little of Waylon’s back and shoulder that survived unscathed. He really wants to know what happened, but no, not yet.

He finishes treating Waylon’s injuries before standing up, his knees cracking from holding the same position for so long. “That’s all I can do for you. I’ll let you get changed and when you're done, come into the kitchen, okay?”

Waylon nods, but doesn’t turn around until he hears the door close. He’s still in pain, but it’s not as sharp as before. He can’t wait to take something for it. He carefully steps out of the rest of his clothes before reaching for the set Eddie left him. He can’t decide if he’s grateful or not for the spare change of underwear, but doesn’t let himself dwell on it, ignoring the heat of embarrassment spreading across his face. The sweatpants are a little long and the soft button up swamps him, but it’s easier than lifting his arms above his head and he’s so grateful for the thought Eddie put into a set of clothes.

He shuffles into the kitchen where Eddie has a cup of tea and a painkiller waiting for him. He takes both with enthusiasm, sighing in relief. He knows it won’t kick in for sometime, but the warmth from the tea is doing wonders as he settles into a seat.

Eddie is just finishing heating and portioning out some soup for Waylon. He gently, but firmly places the bowl in front of him. “Eat. You shouldn’t have that on an empty stomach and you’ll need your strength to heal.”

He waits until Waylon’s more than halfway through the bowl before he broaches the subject. “Waylon... I’ve been patient, but please, what happened?”

Waylon freezes, averting his gaze. He knew this was coming, but he’s not ready to talk about it. Still, he owes Eddie this, if nothing else. He deserves to know the circumstances of why they’re here now.

He slowly, haltingly, tells him about how Jeremy had slowly gotten more... demanding. The build to tonight. The tension he felt in the car and the fear culminating in his ill advised bail out. He can feel himself hunching in on himself as the story goes on, god, he was so stupid.

Eddie is glad his hands are under the table, his fists are clenched so hard, they’re trembling in suppressed rage, knuckles pale white as the skin stretches over them. He has to clear his throat before he can speak, but a thread of a growl underneath is still clearly there. “Waylon, you did nothing wrong. All the blame lies with Blaire. So, please,” he flexes one hand, loosening it before he reaches across the small table to lightly grip Waylon’s forearm, “please don’t think any less yourself, darling. You did the best you could and I’m so glad you called me for help.”

Waylon makes a small noise of protest, but Eddie shushes him. “I mean it. You’re very precious to me.”

Waylon flushes again, hiding his face. Eddie lets him.

This isn’t the end of this conversation, he knows. But he’s hopeful for the future at least.

-

An early birthday gift for my darling, dearest Dai! I hope you enjoy it @foxieflower <3!

[nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius]

my thoughts on the absolute rollercoaster that was kenobi

it had its slips, that's for sure

probably most prominently? the grand inquisitor.

i kind of got used to the round head and the scenes that we did get were great, don't get me wrong, they just massively underutilised him and i'm pretty disappointed

we didn't even get to see him fight anybody

i'm glad that we got to see a lot of reva but... you can't just sideline the coolest inquisitor like that, come on people

also this is just me personally but WHY DIDN'T WE GET TO SEE THE SEVENTH SISTER WTF

some bits were. slow, to say the least

i guess that's to be expected but nonetheless

and the first obi-wan vs. vader duel wasn't that great in terms of choreo but do i really care? no, the bit with the fire tore my soul out

ALSO WHERE WAS DUEL OF THE FATES??

i get it they probably didn't want to overshadow the phantom menace but then. why show it in the trailer and give me hope

BUT

the finale? fucking perfect.

soresu stance is back, obi-wan kenobi is back

the pain in ewan's eyes, this man deserves an oscar

"goodbye... darth."

that wasn't james earl jones talking after vader's mask was shattered, that was hayden, that was anakin

you know how much i was ranting about the imperial march not being there before? well i now understand 110% why

we didn't hear vader's theme any earlier because we weren't seeing vader. we were seeing the shattered fragments of what's left of anakin and when palpatine sticks his shrivelled face in and warns him that he's letting himself become weakened because he still cares about obi-wan

and in his eyes obi-wan doesn't care about him

because he walked away, he didn't come back, and left him to die again

and when vader is screaming his name that isn't a challenge to fight, that's anakin pleading, begging his brother to not walk away and abandon him

and he does

and that's why we hear the imperial march because anakin is truly gone (until return of the jedi but)

the callbacks to rebels when obi-wan slashed vader's helmet 🥹

the way that vader pulls the pillars down whereas obi-wan lifts them up

subtle hand-holding and fighting back to back when they’re duelling because deborah must twist the knife

basically that entire duel was sheer perfection and i couldn't have asked for anything better

THE FEELS THE FUCKING FEELS I'VE NEVER SOBBED SO HARD IN MY LIFE

it was so good to see ewan and hayden back, especially in the flashbacks 😭

the leia and anakin parallels and obi-wan bonding with her 🥲

obi-wan and owen reconciling 🥹

FORCE GHOST QUI-GON WHAT MORE DO I NEED TO SAY

LEIA'S THEME

this just this

VADER CRACKING THE GROUND. VADER NOT EVEN USING HIS LIGHTSABER WHEN REVA'S GIVING IT HER ALL. VADER ABSOLUTELY TEARING APART A MASSIVE SHIP AT FULL THROTTLE. JUST VADER.

despite the fact that he wasn't in it enough, i really liked rupert friend as the grand inquisitor!

yes, jason isaacs is stunning and i miss my murder gremlin at his full chaoticness but nonetheless rupert's portrayal was awesome

and his dramatic entrance was beautiful i've never screamed so much since the luke reveal at the end of the mandalorian

REVA.

honestly i wasn't sure if i'd like her at the very beginning, i thought she'd just be a generic villain, but her character was on point, her redemption arc was awesome and i wanted to hug her so badly at the end when she saw herself in baby luke

i really want to see more of her! preferably with the rest of the inquisitorius because i love the gang with all my heart, but i'll take what i can get

she's a really good foil to vader because they were both led into the darkness by their need for revenge but reva chose to step away from it and let go of the past

and so did obi-wan

he chose to step away from the part of anakin that was gone forever and instead turn to the parts that lived on through his children because being a jedi isn't about a complete lack of attachment it's about not clinging onto the past until it consumes us and embracing hope instead

and that, my friends, is the heart of star wars

so, overall? i absolutely adored it, it’s one of my favourite star wars shows. i’m just very salty that my favourite boy was in the marketing so much and then he only got about ten minutes of screentime. if that.

[raamitsu]

Also another thing that makes me disappointed in the end of TR, it didn't feel earned to me at all. And look I want them to be happy and to heal from their past trauma I do really especially the Sano family cause God knows they get throttled in every tl. But Mikey didn't learn from his past mistakes and didn't do anything to change how he was, but michi also didn't sit down to think how his actions would effect everyone else besides him and Mikey. And not only that but what little development all the side characters got was wiped away when they went to another tl, like what was the point? And what about the people from the Kanto vs toman tl like michi you died in that tl and I'm sure their really upset about that. Like he felt no guilt at all when he came to the last tl, no after thought or anything like that. And the overall way this series just pushed anyone who wasn't michi out of Mikey life as if he was the only thing keeping Mikey from going over the edge. Like hello Draken has been described as being Mikey "heart and moral compass" hell I would even say that if Draken was the mc of this series I would get why he would be hell bent on saving Mikey. Cause he's known him for sure a lot time and has probably since a lot of his "dark impulses" episodes(to me the dark impulses will forever be a mental health issue not that came from love bs) It also felt super cheap that everyone of their enemies joined their gang like ok lol 😆, anyways I guess a win is a win since all the Sano family,Draken and Baji made it to adulthood so I'll take it. Sorry for all the rambling

You see… we have a lot of people like you who were rambling about their fav(s)’ whole character development being wiped away by a single time leap (pls not to mention even Mikey time leaped too pfttntnt I should’ve known better that Wakui doesn’t give a shit about logic but oh well…) and bro, I couldn’t agree with you more in this like- THIS is what we should talk about.

It is indeed rushed, to the point it has been proven in an interview (I just dropped the link) and the potential they had in the manga canon was being put aside. I mean, I can’t say why it was wasted since it’s hard to see what happened behind every author’s works, but it is absolutely can’t be denied the story could’ve been established way better than what we’ve read so far.

Shorten the whole final time leap when it can be a potentially interesting part of the story is just… meh. It’s clearly a lazy writing but yeah of course some people (who sucks up to everything) would say otherwise. Everything about the characters we knew has been…. thrown away to the see haha. It’s insane, I know and I definitely understand where you came from. I really do.

And it’s alright !! Please don’t be shy to share your ramblings any time. My ask box is always open hehe 🥰

[h50europe]

Why the myth about Steve's PTSD doesn't add up and other inconsistencies

In the last few episodes of H50, PL tried to sell us a mentally broken Steve suffering from PTSD. Only the whole thing came a bit too late. The clip you see is from season 4 and ended up - no, not in the series - but somewhere on the floor of PL's editing room. And why? after Kurtzman and Orci departed, along with their writers, PL took the helm and started turning Steve into a super-soldier. He stylized him into something that wasn't meant to be. Instead of developing the characters, PL began to incorporate more and more hair-raising action sequences into the series and then let Steve fight on the front lines. There was no mention of Steve's mental state, and a lot was explained by PL with: it just happened "offscreen." Yeah, sure. PL can't create a decent character. He can only produce stereotypes and one-dimensional beings. Like Adam. What potential would that character have had had he been turned into Five-0's antagonist? But no. So his role remained diffuse and monotonous. Sometimes even tragicomical.

Back to Steve. When SEAL Team started on CBS, PL also lapsed into SEAL mania. If someone who writes fanfiction were to produce as much garbage as this man did, he would be chased away from every writers' platform in disgrace. PL's Super SEAL also had to rescue his team members from a blazing inferno. Not man by man, no, he flew a helicopter right into the danger zone and lifted a whole cabin out of the burning jungle. If lunacy had a name, it would be PL. While the action became more and more exaggerated and unrealistic, the same happened to the protagonists. After the departure of Daniel Dae Kim and Grace Park, PL completely lost his mind. And please, don't blame the writers for the nonsense that was thrown at you. A series stands and falls with the showrunner. He dictates what he wants and passes it on to his staff.

And so, lovable Steve became a soulless robot who only showed feelings here and there. Danny diminished more and more into a sidekick. McDanno became a ship that drifted anchorless through a stormy sea and threatened to capsize again and again. From season 8, it became a reboot of the reboot. PL tried an ensemble show and failed more than miserably. Often the actors just stood around bored. At least that was the impression. The only highlight was episode 8.10. A feast for all McDanno fans. But even here, the outcome of "who shot Danny" was more than insubstantial.

Wait, there was something about SEALs... Oh, yes. Junior appeared on the scene and became Steve's lapdog. I really wondered when there was going to be an episode where he would fetch sticks for Steve. Luckily we had Eddie for that. And because he thought he was so clever, PL invented the episode speed dating. How many subplots can you squeeze into one episode at the same time? In some episodes, you couldn't even take a look at the bag of potato chips without losing the thread.

The case of the week became the yawn of the week. There were so many loose ends that PL then came up with something called retconning. That's what you do when you're no longer satisfied with what was once established in the series years ago, or it no longer fits. But PL went one step further and did the same with the characters. The more the series was dragged out, the more the characters deteriorated and became OOC. It means, often, they were not recognizable at all. And that's where we come to Steve. Because PL, in his desperation, didn't know what else he could do to Steve, and so he killed Joe White. He did it in such a cheesy way with a fake sunset that it made you sick.

Of course, one episode later, there had to be another gig of PL's favorite Barbie. He stuck a fake beard on poor Steve/Alex, so he couldn't even hug Danny/Scott properly. The episode also raised more questions than it answered any. And Steve? He still didn't suffer from PTSD, even though he had now lost Joe White and a fellow SEAL. Everyone is dropping like flies, except for Steve, who is standing like a rock. No matter what. He doesn't need in-depth talks with Danny, nor psychological care, nor any sleeping pills. No, he's doing great. He also opens a restaurant with Danny because apparently, the carguments are already getting on PL's nerves. Unfortunately, this plot device leads into nirvana. The idea was nice, but nobody thought it through to the end. And the merry-go-round continues. Until we get to season 10, where it gets even more absurd. Now PL is almost bombarding us with McDanno episodes, or at least it should seem that way. Oh well, he's already planning for season 11, so a new character has to come on board quickly. While in the beginning, Steve's mother, Doris, dies.

Alex was allowed to take on the subject. Of course, only under the strict eyes of PL. He then nullifies Alex's idea that Steve kills his mother. Because a good soldier and Super SEAL won't do that. Little does PL know. THAT could have been the opening of a PTSD scenario for Steve. However, apart from that, this episode would have had any potential for a multi-arc. Just imagine Steve chasing his mother across multiple episodes. Again, PL stepped in and butchered Alex's episode. You can really feel sorry for the guy. PL at his best or worse? He just can't help it. And then, on the very last meters of the series, he brings someone new, who is allowed to cruise around with Steve most of the time. Because Danny was kidnapped by Wo Fat's widow, PL also invented quite late to have some villain at his disposal. This wannabe mastermind must really have been living under a rock somewhere if she wasn't even mentioned by her husband or appeared earlier.

Because towards the end, PL obviously ran out not only of steam but also of ideas, everything culminated in a wildly illogical scenario. Steve has to live through a dramatic day with Eddie, who stands as a metaphor for Steve (as I said, PTSD was never a thing for Super SEAL), Danny bangs his brains out in a ladies' room with a complete stranger, who dies shortly after that in an accident with Danny's rental car. Apparently, there was no budget to turn the Camaro into scrap metal. Danny then also goes home alone, ignoring the incoming emergency vehicles. Everything remains open at the end of the episode. While Steve expresses his gratitude to Tani and Quinn and says, he would be just as lost as poor Eddie without the dog and all of them. The strange thing is that you never notice anything until that sentence. A few forced dialogues are supposed to make the drama visible, but they all happen way too late or are so poorly written that you miss them.

PL had decided early on to make Steve a Teflon hero. That also means he didn't need to put much substance into the character. Which you can clearly see if you compare the first three seasons to the rest of the series. But towards the end, PL wanted to turn the tide and forcefully rewrote Steve's past. There is a huge difference if you compare Steve from seasons 1 to 3 with Steve from season 10. It is only a sparse remnant of what made this character so great. This change in Steve's personality also affects his relationship with Danny. The witty, affectionate banter degenerates into a snappy, humorless bitch-fest that takes all the joy out of it.

The final two episodes could have been written for any other crime show. As mentioned, we have Cole, who even gets a book'em Cole from Steve, which can only be described as out of line. And it begs the question, was that what Lenkov originally had in mind? Danny out of the show and Cole in? Was the last episode, which mainly featured McCole, something of a test run? Did all the McDanno moments happen only to tear the two apart eventually? Was the real final scene the one where Steve and Catherine take Danny's coffin back to Jersey? Was Danny not supposed to survive? Was that the real reason Steve wanted to get out of Hawaii because he wanted to pay his respects to Danny? And would he really have returned to Hawaii later? Or would he have turned his back on Hawaii? To me, this ending is more plausible than what PL served us. Then, Steve handed over his credentials to Cole instead of Danny, his second in command. Honestly, you can't make the end of a series any more sloppy and dumber than that. And I won't even lose a word about the last 1:30 minutes because I think everything has already been said.

No PL, mission absolutely not accomplished. You created Teflon-Steve. You never wanted him to show any weakness. You turned him into a superhuman who can survive anything. Only to pull the rug out from under him on the last few meters to the finish line and spit on his legacy. How can you dismantle such a great series and its characters like you did? How much do you have to hate something to do that? In the final interviews, the showrunner didn't exactly cover himself in glory either. Everyone who grew up with the series from day one knows that its end was wrong on all the possible levels and that the showrunner is solely to blame for that. It takes a fair amount of egoism and carelessness to drive 10 years at full throttle against the wall. Not many people can do that. Whether you can be proud of that, however, I doubt.

My respect if you have made it this far. Each of you gets 10 extra brownie points for it.

[razrbladekiss]

Tyrants | Chapter One - Disclosure

A/N: This was supposed to be a Jax x Fem!OC fanfic, but it took a little turn as I started to write more of it. So, it’ll be Tig x Fem!OC, but Jax does play a very important role in this.

SUMMARY: A sick turn of events sees Isla Telford thrown in at the deep end, battling to govern the sudden pressures of all that her father's club decidedly bestow upon her.

WORD COUNT: 2.7k

WARNINGS: Brief mentions of murder, the guy that got his ass shit is in this one. Jax and Tig get their own warnings, too, for obvious reasons.

The older I get, the more I realize that age doesn't bring wisdom. It only brings weary.

John Teller was always so astute.

His judicious character befell his son, too. Jax had that same perceptive nature as his old man--everyone would comment on that.

To Isla, it was admirable. For Jackson Teller to be a man of such stature--to hold such a reputation--and to remain somewhat level-headed through it all, was only something she could commend.

She'd seen many of her father's friends crumble under the pressure of Samcro, unable to balance the weight of living with the responsibility and commitment to the club, and meet their unfortunate demise--in some not-so extreme cases.

But Jax was different. He'd always been different.

Maybe that wasn't so great, however.

"You're fucking insane, Isla."

"Not insane." She mumbled, sifting through the box of shitty medical supplies that Gemma had left atop the pool table last night.

"Just trying to patch this shit up so Hayes doesn't kick the fucking bucket before Jax gets back here."

Tig snarled. "But it might be infected, and the bullet is still in this dude's ass--"

Isla whipped her head to glare at the man, her eyes wide, forehead slick with sweat--and a little blood, too.

"Shut the fuck up."

"Isla--"

"Tig, with all due respect, unless you're gonna help, please get the fuck outta here."

"That's not gonna suffice," he pointed out, referring to the medical tape, ignoring her scolding.

She wanted to throttle him. Truly, Isla was willing to wrap her crimson-coated fingertips around Tig's neck and squeeze the absolute life out of that man.

"I know." Her lips kneaded together in frustration, watching her father dab an alcohol-infused pad on the wound. "But unless you've got any better ideas, then we're just gonna have to keep reapplying this shit."

"But the infection, Isla."

"But the lack of medical equipment, Tig."

He slapped his palm against the table and glared at her, pointedly. "Why've you gotta be such a bitch all the time, huh?"

"Watch it, Trager." Piqued, Chibs growled.

"I'm not a bitch all the time," she dismissed her father, wiping at her palm with a wet rag. "I'm actually able to control the way I act around other people."

"Oh, fuck you--"

"Christ!"

The Scot's yell was muffled by the cap of his whiskey bottle, his hand pressing against Cameron's skin as the man screamed into the cloth Isla had placed underneath his head.

"God, for fucks sake, both of you just pack it in."

"Chibs--"

"Shut the fuck up. You're a fucking geriatric and you're spending your morning bickering with an almost thirty-year-old. Grow up, Tig."

Despite laughing at his comment, and enjoying the irritation wash over the other man's face, she felt bad.

For riling her father up--who was simply trying to help the innocent Irishman caught in the literal crossfire--she felt fucking awful. Especially because he never seemed to get mad at her all too often.

Tig, though...That was a different story entirely.

"I'm gonna go see if Clay has any more shit lying 'round here." She declared, throwing a damp towel onto the table, backing out of the room.

Her heart was in her throat, stomach in damn knots. Isla wasn't confident that Cameron was going to make it--not with such a deep wound.

And in his ass, too? Jesus. She wasn't confident at all.

Of course, she'd seen men get shot. Her own father, for one. But she hadn't seen somebody have to go so long without actual medical attention.

Chibs was ex-army med, but there was only so much a man could've done with a bottle of liquor, gauze, and a towel.

She was relieved that the bullet hit Cameron and not Clay, though. As sick as it sounded, she was so fucking glad that he'd managed to dodge the line of fire--initially intended for his own skull--and come out completely unscathed.

But for every ounce of relief she'd felt, an even more fervid sense of anger prevailed at the thought of Jax taking so damn long with those medical supplies he'd sought to get last night.

Gemma mentioned something about heading to the hospital--or a friend's house, or something--but Isla wasn't paying any mind to the woman as she, and Chibs, were trying all ways to stop the bleeding coming from Cameron's ass cheek.

It was the most bizarre turn of events she'd ever experienced.

One minute, Isla was sipping on a glass of wine while she eagerly awaited the spirited ping of her tiny microwave oven, ready to spend a rare--though well fucking deserved--night alone.

However, things took a drastic turn when she received a call from Tig--on behalf of a very busy Chibs--casually requesting her assistance because the Mayans had tried to assassinate Clay.

But Tig failed to mention that the man was completely fine.

She'd spent fifteen minutes on the way over mentally preparing herself, wondering what hell she'd walk into when she set foot into the clubhouse. But it was normal--strangely so.

Isla wasn't a professional, she didn't exactly know how to handle such a trauma, but she trusted her father and she just wanted to make sure he had a helping hand.

God knows that Tig wouldn't have been very much use, and Juice was a little nervous--though, he was doing incredibly well throughout the ordeal regardless of his internal apprehension.

"How's it looking?" Gemma threw at Isla, getting to her feet.

"Bloody."

She quickly scanned the room, taking in the uncomfortably sparse bar. It wasn't usually so empty, so quiet.

Clay, Gemma, and Juice. That was it. Not even Piney--not even Epps.

"Is he doing okay?"

It was still early in the day, though. She guessed that they'd pop in once they properly came around.

"He's better than he was last night." The brunette nodded. "Dad is certain the laceration is gonna get infected if we leave it any longer without trying to get the bullet out--"

"You've gotta wait 'til Jax gets back here, Isla, we can't risk Hayes dying on us."

"I know, Clay. He's just fucking tired--he's been up all night. We need a real medic on the scene before something bad happens. It's only a matter of time."

He mumbled something to himself that only Gemma seemed to catch, but Isla didn't particularly give a damn at that point. Like Chibs, she was exhausted.

The tattered and torn plaid shirt she had thrown over a random tank top--now smeared with another man's blood--was wrenched between her fingers as she pulled it off, folding it not-so-neatly.

She hadn't dealt with such a bloody wound in a while. Not since her mother's palm, decorated with shards of glass, was in dire need of stitches and her father was across the country, unable to offer his medical assistance.

"I'll grab one of Jax's shirts for you--"

"No, Gemma, it's okay," she smiled, taking a seat on one of the couches opposite her.

The older woman pinched her eyebrows together skeptically, watching Isla shift. "I insist."

"It's fine." Isla was adamant. "I'm gonna head home as soon as Jax gets back here--if he gets back here--so, really, it's fine."

A minimal amount of already dried blood was spread over her wrists and fingers, and the excess had been rubbed off on her crimson flannel, so she didn't particularly feel bad about making any mess.

Though, she shouldn't have felt bad. Not after she'd been coerced into helping and eventually receiving that shitty reception from Tig.

"Aren't you cold?" She questioned, waiting for Isla to capitulate, but she never did.

The thought of wearing one of Jax's shirts--after it being given to her by his fucking mother--didn't sit right with her for some reason. Plus, she didn't particularly feel like walking out of that building wearing the damn reaper on her back.

She didn't want to flaunt their patch. Not any more than she already had been for the last ten years.

"Where the fuck is he?"

Clay glared at the clock on the wall, realizing they'd been without the Vice President for hours. In an attempt to put him at ease, Gemma ran a hand along his shoulder.

Isla could only watch them--admire, perhaps.

"He told us he was gonna swing by Tara's place for the equipment. But that was last night, man." Juice shrugged, circling the lip of his beer bottle with his thumb.

She felt her throat thicken with a sick sense of trepidation. She hadn't heard that name in years.

"Tara?" She stuttered, feeling Gemma's piercing glare.

The woman hated Jax's first love, though she never said it aloud. Isla knew her perception of her, however, and she'd started to feel the exact same as the years went on.

Bitch.

"Yeah, y'know, Tara Knowles--"

Her heart sank--fuck that, it dove straight to the deep caverns of her chest, throbbing away into nothing. Until she felt completely void of all emotion. Completely fucking numb.

"I know her, Juice." Her response came hastily, snappy. "I'm sorry. I just didn't expect you to say that."

He shrugged it off. "It's alright. I wasn't expecting her to be back in town, either. I thought you already knew."

Suddenly uncomfortable, Isla's head shook.

The crow situated at the bottom of her spine began to smolder, blistering away at her skin until she physically flinched.

It was a brilliant idea at the time, getting a matching tattoo with Jax's old lady--the one woman she truly adored and trusted, never once feeling an ounce of malice toward.

Because that was a rare thing for Isla, and she wanted their friendship--and relation to Samcro--to prevail for eternity, she supposed.

But as time went on and Tara decided to distance, and eventually alienate, herself from the club, an ample sense of regret persisted for fucking months.

Isla loathed her ink. She hated the negative connotation of the crow she once lauded, and the mere idea of that thing being slapped above her ass forever churned her stomach.

It wasn't one of her finest moments, she had to admit. But she was young and extremely fucking dumb. She'd bet top dollar that Tara felt the same--if she hadn't gotten the crow covered up already.

"Jesus, Jax, where were you?!"

Her eyes flicked upward, attention on the blonde as he sauntered across the wooden floor of the bar.

She hadn't even noticed his presence until Clay spoke, but she soon started to heed how Jax was trembling a bit with every step that he took.

It wasn't obvious. To most people, the slight shake of his wrist would've gone completely unnoticed. But to Isla--to the most observant woman in Charming--his discomfort was striking.

Jax ignored him, stomping his way toward the back room. His line of sight never satisfied Isla's. It didn't even come close to it, either.

Something had happened. It was obvious that, in the time he had been with Tara, he'd encountered something grizzly enough to chill him to the bone.

Which was saying something, what with the horrific shit that he'd already seen in his time.

"Jax!" Clay yelled, following closely behind him. "Hey, asshole, where the fuck did you put the bag--"

"I've got it."

If she had the option, Isla would've allowed the floor to swallow her fucking whole.

"Tara." Pissed, Gemma acknowledged. "You're here because?"

"I asked her to help, mom."

"But Chibs had it covered. He just needed some actual instruments--"

"Gemma, quit it."

She simply nodded at her son, not wanting to cause another problem that she'd have to fix later--which, honestly, Isla was shocked to see.

"He's in there--"

"I know." Jax cut her short, ushering Tara to the back of the clubhouse--striving to get her into the room before she heeded Isla.

But she did.

The first person she clocked--aside from Clay--was Isla Telford, the woman she had purposely alienated herself from ten fucking years ago.

It wasn't anything that she'd particularly done to Tara, more like the crowd she ran with--and the way her loyalties never seemed to lay very closely to her friends, or anything outside of the club.

Isla wasn't a part of Samcro--she didn't want to be a part of Samcro--but her coalition was strong enough to convince anybody that she was more than merely a daughter of a Sgt. at Arms.

She had been brought up around the Sons--her father's choice, of course--and when her mother passed, she had no choice but to dive a little bit deeper into that world. But, as expected, it was constantly under the watchful eye of her old man.

She was dedicated to them. They were, essentially, family, and she was an honorary member.

"Isla." Jax mumbled, nodding his head toward the entrance of the clubhouse as he closed the back-door. "Outside."

He pulled a carton of cigarettes out of his leather vest, shaking the box as he strived to seem a little less suspicious to Clay and his mother.

The blonde wobbled to her feet--knees weak after hours of standing--while simultaneously pulling her bloodied flannel back onto svelte, freckled arms, recognizing that the chill was to hit her the second she stepped onto the gravel.

Jax was casual while he strutted ahead, taking long strides that Isla found fucking impossible to keep up with.

He pushed the door to close behind her, offering a cigarette that she hastily declined.

"What's she doing here?" Was how she decided to break the silence, her eyes searching for a hint of something written on his face.

But there was nothing. Not an ounce of emotion--scarily so.

"She's fixing Cameron up--"

"Not at the clubhouse, Jax. I meant back in Charming."

He ran a thumb across his lower lip, trying to soften his gaze on Isla, but it was futile. He looked discomposed--unsettled.

"She's uh--she's workin' at the hospital now." She started to nod, waiting for his elaboration. It never came, however.

"Oh, that's nice. I wonder what happened in Chicago...Do you know why she's back here? Or how long she's gonna be staying in town--"

"You sound like my fucking mother--give it a break with the thirty-seven questions about Tara, damnit."

He snarled, heeding the distaste of his words the second she glowered at him.

"Excuse you?"

"I didn't call you out here for a sweet little conversation, Isla, I called you 'cause I need your help--"

"With what?"

Jax's hand hooked onto the back of his neck while he tilted his head to look upward, thinking of a way--any fucking way--to explain just what damn mess he'd found himself entwined with over the course of the last twenty-four hours.

He didn't know what to say or how to say it--if he should've fucking said it. He trusted Isla with his life--always had--but sometimes he appreciated that she mightn't have appreciated finding herself tangled within Jax's boisterous, at times frightening, life.

But it was too late for that. She'd been dragged through the deepest shit and wasn't crumbling that easily.

"Jax--"

"Kohn." He stated simply, waiting for the cogs of her brain to begin turning.

"What about him? You got in trouble with the ATF or something? Because we can handle that--"

"I already did." Jax laughed humorlessly, finally meeting Isla's line of sight.

The skin underneath his eyes was red raw, blotchy and irritated after he had used the sleeve of his hoodie to scrub away the tears he'd shed.

The tears he hadn't wanted to shed, but had fallen freely--uncontrollably--from those cerulean hues Isla never tired of looking at.

"What do you mean by that?" Nervously, she quizzed.

He didn't even have to say anything. She fucking knew. She knew exactly what he meant by that, but there was a tiny morsel of something within her that hoped and prayed that he'd declare that her gut feeling was wrong.

But he couldn't. Because it was right. Like always, Isla's intuition didn't fail her.

"Jax, honey, what did you do--"

"I killed Kohn."

[fangirl-ramblings]

Pairing: Arthur x gn!reader

Characters: Reader, Simon Pearson, Mary Linton, Arthur Morgan

Word count: 3306

Summary: You and Arthur have recently made your relationship official by moving into his tent...but is he really into you...or is he still holding onto his past?

Notes: SFW, Angst leading to fluff

After requesting several wonderful stories from one of my favourite writers and people, I was super honoured to have the chance to be able to write something for the super talented and lovely @littlestarofthewest -  Merry Christmas from your secret santa 😘😘

Also a huge thank you to @horsegirl1h (who helped me plot this out) @verai-marcel (for wrangling in all my stupid grammatical mistakes) & @mileycyprus-hill who took a quick look over this and gave me a much better character note on how to improve Arthur's feelings in this story and give me a far better title I could ever think of myself. Thank you all 😘

~* Tumblr Masterlist | Stories on AO3 *~

The First Shall Be Forgotten

You slowly opened your eyes, only to find the cot next to you still empty. It was fairly late when you'd finally taken yourself off to bed last night, but you had found yourself unable to keep your eyes open as you'd sat around the scout fire. Your hope of Arthur riding back into camp and joining you in lying down for the night had turned into a wishful dream of waking up with his strong arms wrapped around you, but it turns out it was just that - merely a pleasant dream. 

It was only a few months since you'd started dating, with most of that time spent being inseparable, but lately you noticed that Arthur was staying away from camp longer and longer. Yes - the events of Blackwater had changed the gang's luck and the likes of Dutch and Strauss kept giving Arthur more and more tasks to do, but you'd felt like that most of these jobs could be done well before nightfall. Surely Arthur wasn't avoiding you because he was bored of you already….could he?

You sat upright, shaking your head free of any more of those nasty thoughts, quickly making the decision that you should get dressed and help out around camp before Miss Grimshaw marched over to berate you for wasting so much time idling about.

There was a chill floating in the air this morning in camp and so you found yourself shivering as you looked around for your light jacket. Opening your shared trunk, you proceeded to pile a mixture of both yours and Arthur's clothes on to the cot in your quest to find your missing coat. Though you soon found yourself distracted as you lifted one of Arthur's shirts up, tutting to yourself as you saw just how worn and dirt stained they all were. You swore that that man would wear these offending items until they fell apart on him...and some were close to doing so, judging by how often they'd been patched up.

   "Ah, there you are," Pearson's cheerful voice booming from behind you, making you jump out of your skin, "I need a helping hand gathering supplies in town and was wondering if you could come along with me for the ride"

   "Me? Surely there's someone more capable about?" Although Valentine was only a short ride away, the idea of being Mr. Pearson's captive audience for that short length of time was not high on your list of priorities for the day. 

   "Well, I don't know if you noticed but we are stretched a little thin on the ground right now," his hands gesturing to the almost empty camp area in front of you, "Mr. Smith & Mr. Escuella are yet to return from Blackwater with young Sean and, as you well know, Mr. Morgan is still yet to return from wherever he has took himself off to. As for the girls..." you tried to stifle a chuckle as he trailed off to glance nervously over at where Tilly, Mary-Beth and Karen were currently sitting at their wagon, making sure they couldn't hear this conversation, "...I'd rather not ask them. Uncle told me of the trouble they got up to on their last visit into Valentine."

You couldn't help but burst out laughing at Pearson's fear of trying to keep three excited young women from creating chaos. "Sorry, sorry," you apologised, wiping your eyes as he looked at you with confusion, "Well...since you have no other options, I'll join you. I've been wanting to pick Arthur up a new shirt anyways." Spotting your jacket at the bottom of the truck, you quickly threw it on, leaving all the other clothes heaped on the bed, "Shall we go now then?"

"Goddamit, why does there have to be a train in the station?" you grumbled as Pearson pulled the horses to a stop at the crossing, which was blocked by one of the carriages belonging to the offending train. After being waylaid by the shop boy slowly loading the wagon with all the goods Pearson had chosen for camp - not that any of these ingredients would do much to improve his cooking, you cruelly thought to yourself - your head was starting to ache from listening to Pearson's constant tall tales. All you had wanted to do was get back to camp and sleep off your headache, but that didn't seem to be happening anytime soon, thanks to this stupid train.

   "I know what you mean, I was hoping to get back and make a start on preparing supper," Pearson sighed before suddenly cheering up, "But, hey, at least it gives me more time to tell you about my time at sea. There was this other time..."

Internally, you found yourself groaning, trying to zone out the older man as he recounted yet another story, that this time seemed to involve him somehow, inexplicably fighting a walrus -  single-handedly -  to save his crew.

You glanced around, finding yourself admiring all the different horses hitched up around the station...until a familiar sight caught your eye.

   "Hey isn't that Brutus?" you interrupted Pearson mid-sentence, gesturing towards the big, black Shire horse that Hosea had gifted Arthur a few weeks ago. Arthur had rarely named his horses after losing his beloved Boudicca in Blackwater and was more than content to just refer to this one as "Boy", but after overhearing Hosea called this giant a brute, you'd jokingly suggested the name Brutus, a name that had tickled Arthur and agreed it was the perfect name for this beast.

Put out a little by the fact you had rudely interrupted him just as the story was getting good, Pearson grudgingly glanced over to the direction in which you were pointing.

   "Er, it does look like it. So anyway after I killed the Walrus with nothing but my bare hands…" 

   'So this is where you've gotten to Morgan,' you thought to yourself, once again not listening to Pearson's story. 'Here's hoping you're on your way home too.'

Smiling to yourself that your lover would hopefully be by your side once more, you absent-mindedly found yourself scanning the crowd of people that was starting to thin out as they slowly stepped onto the carriages...until you saw him standing with his back to you.

A smile started to creep over your face as you recognised Arthur's dirty blond hair, broad frame and filthy blue shirt. Just the fact you could see how dirty it was from this distance made you glad that you'd made the decision to buy him a new one now, as that one needed throwing out, never mind a good wash. Anybody would think that man spent most of his time rolling around in the mud than riding a horse around.

With his hands on his gun belt, he shifted his weight to one side and the smile on your face was replaced with a look of confusion as a young lady was revealed to be standing next to him, deep in an intimate conversation.

Unconsciously scowling at her, you were unable to shake the feeling that you've seen her somewhere before, but for the life of you, you couldn't quite place where.

You squinted your eyes to try and focus your vision on her delicate features before a feeling of rage bubbled up from your stomach as she kissed Arthur's cheek, in a way that suggested more than just friendship.

"And I'll tell you - I used that walrus meat to feed a crew of 50...and not one of them complained the way you and the rest of camp do about my cooking" Pearson waffled on down your ear, distracting you from your thoughts about this mysterious woman and how you wanted to jump down and throttle her. Instead you suddenly had the urge to wrap your hands around the cook's neck. 

Turning to face him, you barked, "Maybe being at sea for weeks at end with no food makes people more appreciative of the slop you always manage to serve up - no matter the ingredients." 

You instantly felt regret as the words left your mouth and you saw the hurt in the older man's eyes.

   "Christ, I'm sorry Mr. Pearson. I didn’t mean to take it out on you..." You paused, thinking about telling him about what you just saw, but you doubted this old sea dog would give a damn about your love life and so explained "I just have a real bad headache and it's put me in a bad mood."

He nodded softly and turned away so you wouldn't see him wipe the sting of the tears from his eyes.

Feeling guilty from the hurt you just caused, you looked away to the source of your own pain, only to find Arthur had disappeared from the platform and the train was now pulling out the station. Had he gotten on board with his mystery woman? Gone off to start a new life with her and left you and the outlaw life behind him? These thoughts rattled around your head as Pearson told the horses to giddy up and the pair of you headed back to camp in an awkward silence.

Jumping down from the wagon, you helped Pearson unload the wagon - still with an uneasy tension in the air, before you tried to broker the peace between you both by offering to help prepare the next meal as a peace offering.

   "No, it's quite okay," Pearson patted you shoulder to show there was no hard feelings, "You go sleep off that sore head of yours"

You nodded appreciatively, finding yourself thanking him and apologising once more as you picked up the wrapped parcel containing Arthur's new shirt, and headed back to your tent. 

As you walked over, you rolled your eyes in annoyance at yourself as you caught sight of the mess you'd left behind this morning. Picking the mountain of clothes up, you threw them in straight at the trunk at the end of the cot, surprising yourself as you heard a loud clatter of something hitting the side of the chest and then dropping onto the floor.

Peering over, you saw that a few shirts and a pair of trousers had missed their target and were now scattered over the floor... alongside a wooden photoframe, laying face down on the ground, that definitely wasn't there before.

Picking it up, you recognised the image of a younger, but still very handsome version of Arthur standing on the left.

'You've always been a good-looking bastard haven't you?' half smiling as you took in his handsome features, 'No wonder you have a long list of admirers to spend all your time instead of me.'

Well before you and Arthur had started dating, you had seen this photograph before. You recalled picking it up from his bedside table back then too, in order to get a closer look of how attractive Arthur's always been.

But sometime between then and making your relationship official, Arthur must have removed it and hidden it out of sight from you. Just as you were about to ask yourself why, you spotted who else was in the picture.

   'No…no it can't be,' you thought to yourself as you stared at the beautiful, dark haired woman standing next to him in the image. But, as much as you didn’t want it to be, it certainly was. Looking straight back at you was a younger version of the same woman from the train station…the same woman who had ripped Arthur's heart out and tore it into a million pieces all those years ago when she called off their engagement - Mary.

Time seemed to slow down as your mind went into overdrive. Did he simply remove the picture as a thoughtful gesture so you wouldn't wake up to a younger Arthur and his ex-fiancee looking at you…or did he hide it because he still loved her and her alone? Were you just a stopgap - something to fill the emptiness in his heart until she came back to him? Is that the real reason Arthur had hidden the picture and not gotten rid of it completely? So once he had managed to win her back, he could toss you aside and place it once more on his bedside to stare lovingly at while he held her in his arms?

You hadn’t realise you were crying or just how hard you were gripping the frame until you heard the sudden sound of glass cracking and a mix of your blood and tears began to streak all over her stupid, perfect face. Standing frozen to the spot, you stared and stared at her image, slowly disappearing under the physical manifestations of your hurt and betrayal, until you heard Arthur bellow out your name as he rode back into camp.

   "Hey you. Boy, did I sure miss you while I was gone," he cheerfully greeted you as he strode towards you, "I tell you, there's some strange sights out there that I've been dyin' to tell you all 'bout."

   "Tell me?" you snarled, acting the wounded animal you currently felt like, "Don't you have other people you'd rather spend your time with?"

   "What? What's got into you?" 

Your heart panged as you saw the hurt cross his face as he saw how upset you were. 

"Listen, if this 'bout me spendin' so much time from camp recently, then I am sorry - but I did miss you somethin' fierce y'know" he assured you, placing his arms around your waist.

   "Just like you've missed Mary for all these years?" Just saying her name out loud felt like you had tasted venom on your lips and needed to quickly spit it out.

"Mary? Where's all this comin' from?" He flustered, averting his eyes downwards as not to meet your steely gaze. Upon seeing you holding the photograph, he exclaimed, "Christ alive, you're bleedin'. Here lemme fix you up."

"I'm fine," you snapped at him, pulling your hand away from his gentle touch. Any other time, this small act of affection - the big mean outlaw gently cradling your hand in his - would have made you melt on the spot, but today your inner rage wasn't having any of it. Instead you blurted out, "I saw you. At the train station…with her."

Realising he had been caught out and couldn't bluff his way out of this sorry mess, he sat down on the cot and tried to explain.

   "Okay, yeah, I was at the train station with her, but it really ain't what you think…"

   "I saw her kiss you."

  "You mean when she kissed my cheek? That was her sayin' goodbye. Her and her brother are headin' back East to find their father."

You sat next to him, the photograph still in your hands.

   "Still doesn't explain why you were with her in the first place."

   "No it doesn't, does it." He sighed, running his hand down his face. "I was on my way back to camp, ridin' through Valentine when I thought I'd check and see if there was any post. Lo' and behold there was just the one - a letter from Mary askin' if I could help with a small problem of hers."

   "So you must have been in contact with her if she knew you were in town."

He shook his head. "No. No, she'd recognised the girls after their last trip into town and wrote to me on the off-chance I was also in the area."

   "Why?"

"Her kid brother, Jamie, he'd gone and got himself mixed up in this weird cult up in Cumberland Forest. Christ, you shoulda seen them all listenin' on as this lunatic spouted some nonsense about turtles or somethin'," laughing, he patted his leg until he saw your stony expression still waiting for the answer to your question.

   "Get to the point please, Arthur."

   "You're right, sorry," he said as he nodded, "Jamie was the only one in her family who stood up for me and I owed it to *him*, not Mary, him -  to help get him away from those crazy fools."

You fidgeted slightly next to him. You wanted to believe him, but he seemed to be avoiding the main topic of conversation.

   "So say I believe you about your reasonings for helping her…why did you keep a picture of her?"

Silence filled the air for a second before he simply answered. "I shoved it in there so you wouldn't have to keep lookin' at it when we lay together...and I guess I forgot all 'bout it."

You looked away as more tears fell down your cheeks. Gently placing his hand under your chin, Arthur turned your face to face his, looking deep into your eyes he told you, 

   "You’re overthinking – I’m yours. That’s all I want to be.”

   "Prove it." You pleaded.

   "Okay then...this should show you she's nothin' to me now." He took the broken frame from your grasp and carefully removed the picture from the frame, lingering for a moment before crumpling it up in his hand and walking towards the campfire.

Though his stride was purposeful, you couldn't help but feel he faltered once more as he looked at the flames, but those fears disappeared as he turned to look back at you with a warmth in his eyes and a smile stretching wide across his face. Looking straight at you, his hand opened and the picture fell into the flames, where it lay for a few moments as it slowly rendered into nothing but a pile of ashes.

Making his way back over to you, he picked you up and spun you around his arms.

   "I'm all yours...are you mine?"

Bonus scene: Arthur's POV

He slowly removed the picture from the frame, partly being careful not to cut himself on broken shards of glass and partly because he wanted to make sure he was making the right decision. He was convinced that after Mary called it all off between them, he'd never smile, let alone love again. But then you'd walked into his life and brought light back into the darkness he'd found himself in.

But maybe there was a reason he'd held on to this photograph for all this time - a reminder of the good times that existed between them. Heartbreak has a funny way of erasing those memories, but seeing the woman you once considered the love of your life in person has an equally funny way of making those feelings rush back.

But no, the heartache he'd felt for all these years outweighed the fleeting moments of happiness he'd felt with Mary. And that kiss on the cheek to say goodbye that she'd given him at the train station? It certainly didn't give him butterflies like it used too. Looking at her image one last time, he crumpled it up and walked over to the campfire.

Though he had confidently strode over to flames, he once more had doubts he was right to finally let Mary go. Turning to face you, everything suddenly became very clear in Arthur's mind. Everything he ever wanted: someone who loved the group of people he considered family, as well as loving him for the man he was - despite his faults, someone who was willing to stick with him through thick and thin, make him laugh when he was down, and never fail to make him smile, that special someone he wanted to grow old with with...he already had that with you.

Without thinking, he opened his hand and let the battered photograph waft downwards, enveloped by the flames and turning to nothingness as he made his way back over to you, picking you up and spinning you around his arms.

   "I'm all yours...are you mine?"

[lovemychoices]

Always Be My Driver - A RoD Rom-Com [Colt x MC/Logan x MC]. CH 6

Book : RIDE OR DIE

PAIRING : Colt x MC/ Logan x MC

SUMMARY: Emma and Colt have been childhood best friends since forever, they were both inseparable. In middle school they became something more but when Colt had to move with his mom away from LA all the way to Miami, things started to change between them. A small misunderstanding leads to the end of their relationship. 6 years later they meet again at the most unlikely place. Will Emma and Colt be able to mend what has been broken between them? Or will it continue to crash and burn?

Characters except my OCs belong to Pixelberry, I am just borrowing them

Word count : 2207

Chapter Summary: Colt and Emma spend the day together.

A/N : short chapter & Excuse my grammatical mistakes. Does the more function on mobile even work?

Warning : I’m rating this PG18 cause there will probably be PG18 stuff that’s going to happen in future chapters. So if you read this series you acknowledge that you are above 18.

Catch up with the series HERE

[[MORE]]

“Get up it’s almost noon!” Mona belts, opening the curtains of the loft letting the bright sunlight hit Emma’s face.

“No! Leave me alone.. I want to wallow in sorrow from the comforts of my bed.” Emma whined, covering her face with a pillow. It was the day after Logan told her they should go on a break. Code for we should break up.

“God, this is the most depressing thing I’ve ever seen.. And I’ve been to prison.” Mona mumbles and plops herself on the bed next to Emma. “Look, technically you’re on a break which could be good thing.”

Emma turns on her side to face Mona. “How can this be a good thing?”

“Because now you actually have some space and time to think about what you actually want.” She grinned, Emma just stares at her with a blank expression, making Mona roll her eyes. “Look ever since Colt showed up you’ve been caught between your feelings for him and Logan.” Emma is about to say something but Mona raises her hand and shushes her. “Before you deny anything please remember who you’re talking to.”

“Does it even matter now? Colt’s spending the whole week with some pretty girl who is so into him and he’s probably into her too. He even took her to our favorite ice cream parlor!”

Mona snorts. "Didn't take you for a quitter?"

“I’m not a quitter.” She protests then gets out of bed, pacing back and forth on the hardwood floors making a creek sound. “It’s just.. I don’t know where Colt stands in regards to what his feelings are for me. I mean one night he tells me how bad he wants to kiss and the next night he acts like he couldn’t care less.”

An alarm on Emma’s phone goes off and she heads to the nightstand to check the notifications. Shit I totally forgot about this. A few months ago Emma’s favorite cousin called her up and told her she was getting married during the summer in San Francisco, when she asked about the RSVP Emma told her that she would be going with a plus one. The plan was that Logan and her were going to drive together Friday morning in time for the rehearsal dinner but that was before they broke up.

“Em? Is everything alright?” Mona quirks an eyebrow.

Emma snaps out of her thoughts. “Yea, Totally. So, Mona any chance you want to attend a wedding in San Francisco this weekend with me?”

Mona snorts out a laugh. “No thanks I have other plans, you’re not the only one with a love life you know.”

“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend?”

“I don’t but that doesn’t mean I don’t go on dates. Also if you’re thinking about dragging Ximena or Toby along you won’t have any luck there either.”

Emma heaves out a frustrated sigh and plops herself back on the bed. “So now I need to drive 5 hours alone and attend a wedding alone like some loser.”

“You know there is someone else you could ask who would go with you.” Mona gives Emma a knowing look. “You know someone handsome with dark hair, likes to brood by himself, drives a really cool white sport bike.”

Emma scoffs. “Yeah.. Except you forgot that someone happens to be occupied the whole week with some petite brunette named Jean.”

“Haha… You know you’re cute when your jealous? But I think that Colt would turn down a date with 100 pretty brunette’s named Jean just so he could be with you.” Mona gives a sincere smile which rarely happens. “I need to head out for a job. Just do me a favour, take a shower before you start to reek."

"Fine!" She answers, throwing her hand up in the air before heanding for the bathroom.

Half an hour later…

After a long cold shower, Emma walks out from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her body and her damp hair when she hears a soft knock on the door. I thought Mona left already? She opens the door and to her surprise, sees Colt standing on the other side. "Can I come in?" He asked with a serious expression on his face.

She gives him a skeptical look before eventually nodding and motions for him to enter the room.

"What do you want?" She said in a flat tone with her arms crossed.

His eyes wandered from her face down her chest then back to her face again. "I uh.. Your car’s park in the garage but didn't see you all day, thought maybe I’d check up on you. I wanted to see if you were okay?”

Emma scoffs. "Suddenly you care so much?"

"Why wouldn't I? I'll always care about you Emma, you know that right? If something is bothering you, you can always talk to me." He replies and she could see how sincere he was. Great now I feel bad for being a jerk. "I had some stuff going on, I wasn't really in the mood to do anything this morning."

"Is there anything I can do to cheer you up?" A sudden loud growling sound comes out Emma’s direction. Her face turns pink, she wraps her arms around her stomach. “Have you eaten anything since this morning?”

“Obviously not.”

“Get dressed, we’re going out to grab something to eat. I’m driving.” He smiles and whirls on his heels towards the door, stopping at the threshold, looking over his shoulder. “Wear something appropriate, no dresses or skirts.”

A little while later…

Emma heads down to the garage to meet Colt, she sees him leaning against his motorcycle arms folded. A grin appears on his face as he watches her saunter over. “Took you long enough.”

“Yeah well, you don’t get to look like this without putting in any effort.”

Colt rolls his eyes. “Here, this is for you.” He says and hands her a black coloured helmet, she raises her eyebrow at him. “What’s this for? Aren’t we taking a car?”

Colt scoff. “At this hour? You know how bad the traffic is in LA right?” Emma bites her lower lip, she’d hate to admit it but she’s never ridden on a motorcycle before. “You haven’t ridden one of these before have you?” Emma shakes her head as a reply that she’s never rode a motorcycle.

Colt snorts out a laugh. “Emma.. Emma… Emma.. you’re really missing out. So what do you say?” He gestures at the helmet on his hand giving her a challenging look. “Or are you too chicken?”

Did he just call me a chicken? “Alright fine!” She forcefully grabs the helmet out from Colts hand. “And don’t think for one second that you’re slowling down on this thing. I want full speed or no speed at all.”

“Yes ma’am” he gives an exaggerated salute before hopping on to his bike, Emma sitting behind him. Colt starts revving the throttle of his bike while waiting for the garage door to open. “Hold on tight sweetheart, we’re going on one hell of a ride.”

****************************************

A little while later after maneuvering through the bustling city traffic of LA, the two finally reach a familiar spot.

Emma hopped off the bike and opens up her helmet, slowly taking in the sight. A low shrug escaped her and Colt notices. “What not fancy enough for you?”

“No it’s not that, it’s just that I haven’t been here in like almost forever.”

“Well same here, I hope their hotdogs are still as good though. Common all that riding around worked up an appetite.” The two stopped at a nearby food cart and Colt orders a couple of hotdogs after that they continue walking towards the pier. They lean against the wooden rail and enjoy every bite of their food while silently taking in the view of the ocean.

“So.. where’s Jean?” She tries not to grimace as she said the name. “Aren’t you like supposed to be her personal tour guide around LA or something?”

Colt thought back to the night before after the movies and during his time with Jean at the ice cream shop.

“Omg.. This is literally the best handmade ice cream I’ve tasted so far!” Jean beams as she takes another scoop and stuffed it in her mouth. Colt chuckled. “What did I tell ya, Barry beats any big ice cream franchise by a 100 miles. I used to come here a lot with Emma when we were kids.”

Jean gave Colt knowing look when he mentions her name and clears her throat “So how long have you been in love with her?”

Colt slightly chokes on his ice cream. “What do you mean how long have I been in love with her? I’m not in love with..” “Colt it’s fine, I saw the way you looked at her when we were at the movies and the way your face lights up everytime you say her name. Which by the way is a very rare thing to happen for Colt Kaneko.” She grinned and it made Colt slightly blush. “So what’s the scoop? Pun intended.”

Colt snort then heaves a sigh, running his hand through his hair. “You want the whole story?” She nodded excitedly. “Alright where do I begin.” Colt told Jean everything from how they were when they were kids to their first kiss and when they broke up. “Did the two of you ever talk about it? The whole time you were here?”

“Why should we it’s in the past we’ve both moved on, she dating Logan.” He grimaced as he mentioned the name. “Does she know you still have feelings for her?.”

“Like I said she has a boyfriend. I go back to MIT in Boston after the summer ends, what’s the point?”

“So you should still tell her how you feel. What she decides after that is up to her but she at least deserves to know the truth. It’s okay to make yourself feel vulnerable sometimes Colt, when it’s with the right person.”

Colt let her words sink in for a moment. “I’ll think about it but no promises.”

“That’s good enough for me.” She chuckled. “Hey so about this week you don’t have to like be my tour guide or anything. I actually made plans with someone else.”

“Ouch!” He exaggeratedly pressed his hands to his chest. “Did I just get ditched? You hurt me Jean, you know that?”

Jean chuckled. “I’m sure you’ll survive.”

“She had other plans. We’re cool.” He answers and take one last bite of his hotdog. “I’d better get you back to the garage before pretty boy finds you missing and gets all worried.”

Emma shrugs. “I don’t think there is anything to worry about.” Colt gives her a questioning look. “Is everything okay?”

“We sort of broke up, last night. It was sort of my fault. I don’t really want to talk about it.” Only because it involved you.

Colt rubbed the back of his head. “Well good riddance.”

“Colt!”

“What? I’m just saying Em, you’re too good for him. You deserve better. I know I’ve said this before and I’ll keep saying it again.” He said with a sincere look on his face. “You deserve to be with someone who can give you a family and that house in the suburbs with the white picket fence. Just like you always wanted when we were kids.”

He remembered? “Colt, that’s not who I am anymore.” She replies but her expression was unconvincing. Of course that was what she still wanted, the garage was only a temporary arrangement for her to pay for her college expenses. But she never really talked to Logan about what comes after she’s done with college, does he plan on being a car thief for the rest of his life? “How do you even remember all of that? It’s been years.”

“I remember everything about you Emma Park. You’re not really an easy person to forget.” He smiled at her and it felt warm and genuine. “Okay Mr. Flatterer, what's going on with you today?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s.. It’s nothing just forget about it.” She waves him off and takes one last bite of her hotdog. Maybe since he is in such a good mood, this might be the right time to ask him. “So uh.. I need a small favor from you.” He raised an eyebrow at her giving a curious look. “There’s this thing coming up this weekend. You know my cousin Amanda?”

“The one who used to babysit us when we were kids?”

“Yup the very same, well she’s getting married this weekend and I RSVP six months ago that I would be going with a plus one but then the whole thing with Logan happened so now I don’t have a plus one and that sucks because…”

“Sure I’ll go as your plus one.” He answers before she could finish her whole speech. “But I didn’t even finish talking yet.”

“Well wasn’t that what you’re going to ask me?” He raised his eyebrows and she nodded. “So you’ll do it? Just like that?”

“Sure, as long as you promise to introduce me to all the pretty hot bridesmaid that will be attending.” He grinned and Emma rolled her eyes. “Do we have a deal?”

Emma thought for a moment does she really want to see other girls fond over Colt during their time there? “It’s a deal.”

********************************************

Rod - @liamzigmichael4ever @client-327 @brightpinkpeppercorn @lovehugsandcandy @lilyofchoices @rideorparadise @zaffrenotes @queenkaneko @mskaneko @pintsizedelle @flowerpowell @desiree-0816 @emceesynonymroll @kinkykingliam @jlpplays1 @annekebbphotography @thecordoniandiaries @cora-nova @rainbowsinthestorm @princess-geek @choicesbyjade @leelee10898 @herladyshipxx @emichelle @kimmiedoo5 @dawn-1994 @choicesarehard

[mldrgrl]

You're the first person I've come across besides my mom who doesn't think Scully slept with Ed Jerse. I personally don't have a really strong opinion one way or another because how vague the whole thing was--maybe she did, because what's one more un-Scully-like thing in a string of un-Scully-like things, but maybe she didn't, deciding that a one-night stand was a step too far, and the reason we see her wake up wearing Jerse's shirt is because she didn't have anything else to wear. Any thoughts?

Yes, I have thoughts.

If you look at the building blocks of Scully’s character, up until the point of Never Again, she’s very reactionary and irrational when it comes to Anger.  And the only time she steps “out of character” is in Anger.  And I think that for Scully, behaving irrationally is not something she likes to see herself do.

Examples: Wetwired - wherein the result of her increasing paranoia makes her so angry with Mulder, she irrationally pulls a gun on him, and then is embarrassed by her actions.

Syzygy - the entire backbone of the episode is that this cosmic alignment is causing people to behave in opposition to their nature.  She’s so angry in this episode she sits in her motel room, smoking, pacing, wanting to throttle both Mulder and Detective White.  We don’t see the aftermath of leaving Comity, but I have it in my head that Sculy was much chagrined after the effects wore off.

Beyond the Sea - she’s in the midst of grief, but her anger at Luther Lee Boggs in what she sees as manipulation of her emotions actually causes her to lose her skepticism and believe his visions to the point that it puts Mulder in the hospital.  At the end of the episode, when she’s sitting beside Mulder in his hospital bed, there is sadness about her father, but the tone of how Gillian played this also seems to imply embarrassment and guilt over her actions.

(Even if you want to look later, in Triangle where she screams at Jeffrey Spender and then goes to the elevator and puts her hands over her face like that was something she shouldn’t have done, or Tithonus, when she slaps the perp she just snapped handcuffs on, Within (or Without, can’t remember exactly), where she throws water in Dogget’s face, or even WAY ahead to season 11 in My Struggle I where she intentionally hurts Sveta during a medical exam for pissing her off with her mind-reading.

All of the above, in my opinion, are moments where those flashes of anger shift her baseline behavior, and the result is embarrassment and guilt.  SO, as it pertains to Never Again, I have two main reasons for not believing that Scully slept with Ed Jerse.

1. Scully’s anger in this episode caused her to choose the most available act of rebellion at her fingertips - in this case, the phone number that was literally in her hand when Mulder pissed her off.  She very well could have marched out of the motel room and bought a pack of cigarettes, smoked one, felt guilty, and then went to bed.  Instead, she called the number, met the guy at a bar, went home with him, and probably soon after getting her shirt off, realized that she wasn’t after a one night stand, she was satisfying the urge to behave irrationally, which will lead to guilt and embarrassment by morning.

2. They wake up in separate rooms, she’s still wearing her pants (And shoes if I remember correctly? Isn’t she wearing shoes when she answers the door?) and has his shirt on, buttoned up. That doesn’t really seem to suggest that they had sex to me.

Those are my thoughts.

[mslanna]

(Author ask meme) For The Reason I didn't Update (any work), 1, 2, 9, 11 and 13 please?

Ohdear. I hope you brought a chair and snacks...

1:What inspired you to write the fic this way?

Itstarted out as a challenge entry. The challenge was to keep the diaryof a character for one year with at least two entries per month. Myidea was to have a hilarious little thingy about my misadventuresprovided I got stuck in my fave Star Wars corner.

Fora diary the entries were of a good length. I suck at long chapters,so this is my perfect format. Sometimes I hope to return to weeklyupdates but life and motivation. *le sigh*

Aftera while it became clear that one year of fun and then out wasn'tgonna work. Readers reacted best to the, let's call them morefangirly plotlines. So I decided to make the fantasy palatable forpeople not living inside my head and ran with it.

Ithink that reading it all in one go you need to be able to ignorethat last sentence...

2:What scene did you first put down?

Surprisinglythe first one. I actually started at the beginning and took it fromthere. I had no real clue where I wanted to go but I had a year tofigure it out. Among the first scenes ever written is also the lastchapter. I'll get there one day.

9:Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Ohman, my dude, my friend, my poor sod. TRIDU is based on my personalMary Sue self inserts to Star Wars. You know the kind you only tellyourself in your head about. Since I couldn't give myself anin-universe background a lot of really cringey, but common fangirlythings got cut. Lucky you all. I mean that.

Forthe longest time I tried to avoid writing the inevitable Thrawnromance. That guy doesn't go even well just in the same sentence asthe word romance. So Dave turned up. Somehow, pairing him withMellanna didn't work well though. So I caved.

Therewas some mushy stuff I am happy never saw the light of the day, defsmore smut than you will ever see, more marriage/relationship stuff. Icringe when I see the remains today. Should have cut that crap aswell. Oh well.

Iplayed with the thought to have Mellanna be Force sensitive but thatwas too much work. Also there are versions where she actually triedto defect (didn't go well), was programmed by C'baoth as in the AUend or die protecting Thrawn. Also Barekh was meant to stay herbodyguard, but I couldn't bring it over myself to kill Rukh.

Iplayed out TRIDU in my head so many times, especially part two. Thereare version where Mellanna showed Thrawn the finger and lived happilyever after with Storm. Thereare versions where the return took 20 years to accomplish. Sarahdied, Mellanna died, Storm died (only once, I love that man toomuch).

Theoriginal version was tu run all the way until the Vong invasion, butman, did I run out of plot way before that. I still hope to includethe scene where Mellanna slaps Thrawn in the face in public, butwell. Not looking good. :(

Therewas skying once, trips to the surface, the Fels, Sarahbeing Force sensitive, Storm as actual arch-enemy of Thrawn. If it'san AU you can think of, I probably did and discarded it for theofficial version.

ChangesI am happy with are that I made a conscious effort to get a 50/50ratiofor men and womenonCsilla.Iam still bad with the queer stuff and, man, sometimes I wish I couldgo back and put some diversity into my Empire.

11:What do you like best about this fic?

Ireally like my Noghri mythology. That came out nice. And I love myinterpretation of Thrawn. He just has to be ruthless, calculating,and always, always, always will have at least one sensible reason todo something that reads as caring. It is probably unhealthy to lovethe everlasting uncertainty about his actual feelings towardsMellanna.

Ilove the style. It is my preferred writing stlye now and watch me getup in arms if anybody starts to rant against filler words….

13:What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writingthis story? Or if you didn't listen to anything, what do you thinkreaders should listen to to accompany us while reading?

Iactually have a playlist for TRIDU:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzZRdjXd2qw&list=PLUgmLRuk-kLYAj06o2W7D4Yzjz3kCC-jL

Missingare a few tracks from the TIE Fighter game and Star Wars soundtrack.

BrianEno and Leif Strand are possibly the oldest entries. They comes frommy headcanon of Thrawn playing piano and – I was 14, you don't wantto know.

Starsby Roxette is Mellannas theme.

NoMatter What by Boyzone is Mellanna's view on her relationship withThrawn (when she doesn't want to rip his head off)

Wordsby Boyzone is for the long-distance relationship wish works betterfor obvious reason.

Don'tLet It Show by Alan Parsons Project was the theme song for the secondpart once. Now Mellanna is in a much better place. ^,^'

DuTrägst Keine Liebe In Dir was pretty much when Mellanna wants tothrottle Thrawn. I kinda ell out of that one a while ago, but itstill evokes the right feeling.

AkkadianEmpire by Audiomachine is my go-to when I write any kind of action orviolence.

TwentyYears by Placebo is about the time on Csilla. Fortunately not 20years in the end.

Thepiano pieces are because headcanon and the 12 tone serialism piece iswhat I had in my head for the piece Storm played for Sarah/Mellanna.

InMy Arms by Plumb is about Sarah, naturally.

Thelove songs are various stages of Mellanna not wanting to throttleThrawn though Beautiful In My Eyes for me is more Thrawn'sperspective. I am soppy at heart.

Forwriting I tend to have a couple of actual songs for each story Iwrite (eg list above) and bolster the list with instrumental piecesfrom Yiruma, Immediate Music, One Step From Hell, and X-Ray Dog.

/rantend

Thankyou very much for asking.