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collecting-stories · 4 years

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Shane - ep. 12 - Georgia

Summary: Shane hassles you in the diner and you let slip to Daryl that you want to date him.

A/N: Can’t believe we’re moving this far into it.

Georgia Masterlist | The Walking Dead Masterlist

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You almost audibly groaned when Shane walked into the diner on Monday night. Daryl has been gone all weekend and you were quickly realizing that driving yourself around just wasn’t the same. You weren’t too proud to admit that you missed him, more than someone should miss an ‘in between’ friend as Tara had called him.

“You know, in between a friend and a boyfriend.” She had explained after coining the term.

“I get it.”

You were sure your mom was happy, as happy as she could be with you, because you’d been essentially only at the diner and at home all weekend. You’d even been on time for church on Sunday morning, an occurrence that was lacking lately. It wasn’t only Daryl’s absence that had you falling back into that place so close to the daughter that your mother wanted. The one who was perfect enough to fix all the problems she had. Deanna had told your mom, just like Aiden said she would. She’d called her on Friday morning to tell her that she’d noticed you driving with Daryl in his truck.

“When was this?” Your mother had asked, holding her hand up for you to stop as you were preparing to walk out the door for school.

“I’m gonna be late.” You stressed.

She put her hand over the receiver and looked you dead in the eye, “move out that door and I swear to god you will not go out again for a week. School be damned.”

You waited, stood there anxiously by the front door as she cast you glancing and nodded her head and ‘mmhmm’d’ at the appropriate places. Your dad was supposed to be coming home soon from the halfway house he was living in and you’d thought maybe she was talking to him but then she hung up and turned to face you.

“You wanna tell me why Deanna just called me and told me she saw you with Daryl Dixon.”

“Cause he was fixing my car. I told you that, remember?” You knew you said it in that way that suggested she was dumb for asking so you weren’t surprised when she smacked you across the face. It didn’t take the sting away though and you flinched away from her when she kept on.

“You’ve done some truly stupid things before but this really tops it, you know that! Running around town like some whore!”

And you could’ve said something else, at least that was the inner monologue you gave yourself afterward, when you were sitting in class with Maggie, swearing that you fell in the bathtub during your shower. You could’ve said something else, maybe, but you didn’t.

“You would know! Why isn’t dad back yet? Cause he’s not better or cause you’re still fucking your boss!”

Tara told you after school that she had wait the weekend, until she was back from her mom’s house, before you could stay. So you put yourself on best behaviour mode, faking it through a bruised jaw and other, worse injuries, that no one could see. You rolled in late to class with a slip that said you had tripped in the shower and you continued that lie until the last bell rang and you were driving to 7-11 to meet Tara, to stay far away from your mom.

“Monday,” she promised. “I’m back from my mom’s Monday night, you can come over then.”

“She told me ‘as long as you’re under my roof you won’t be anywhere near Daryl’. Good then, watch me get out from under your roof. She acts like it hasn’t happened before.” You replied, whispering as you stood in the back of the soda aisle, far away from Jacqui’s eavesdropping. The last thing you needed was her telling everyone what you said.

“Does Daryl know?” Tara asked, playing dumb.

“No.” You replied, “and I’m not gonna tell him. If he does like me he doesn’t need to think I’m messed up.”

“You’re not messed up, your mom is a dick.”

“Look, I can fake it for a weekend, church, no friends, work. It’ll be fine.” You promised, “and on Monday night, your house.”

“If you need it sooner, I could talk to my dad.” Tara offered. He’d let you stay plenty of times in the past.

“No, Monday’s fine.”

You survived the weekend the exact way you said you would. You faked the nice girl you had strived to be in middle school and for the first three years of high school. You didn’t talk back, you were quiet, nice, you went to work and to church and it was like some kind of wonderful transformation that your mother probably attributed to herself. She’d scared you straight out of your rebellious crush on Daryl and back to the girl she wanted you to be.

But Sunday came and you were counting down the hours. Just another day and you’d be at Tara’s. Hopefully a few more hours and Daryl would be back. Tonight, thankfully, your mom had left church, changed and gone to work, which left you at the diner, closing it out with Lori when Shane walked in.

“I know you got a thing for that Dixon boy but I think you should reevaluate your eyes.” Lori commented, coming up next to you. “Shane Walsh is mighty fine.”

“First, Daryl’s older than you,” you pointed out. He was 23, same as Rick, and Lori was 21, a little closer in age to you. “Second, you forget your pregnant?”

“A girl can’t look?” She shrugged, walking away as you pretended to gag.

Shane seemed oblivious to the interaction as he came up and sat at the counter. You hadn’t seen him since the party, though both Glenn and Maggie had and they claimed he had asked how you were. You weren’t surprised, Shane always did fashion himself as something of a ‘knight in shining armour’ you could only imagine the size of his ego knowing he had effectively ‘saved’ you from Aiden.

“Hey Shane, what can I get you?” You asked, pad and pen ready, as if you thought he was actually going to order and he didn’t just come here with some ulterior motive like Aiden.

“You, back?” Shane asked, grinning at you.

You rolled your eyes, taking a deep breath and trying not to say anything too awful. The last thing you felt like dealing with today was Shane. “Hilarious. Order or move Shane.”

“I’m not joking.” He replied, leaning further across the counter.

Over his shoulder Lori was shooting you a look that you were sure could translate into ‘jump on that offer’. You groaned, folding the notepad back up and slipping it into your apron. “Listen, Shane, I appreciate you standing up for me at the party and I’m sorry Aiden was a dick, I really didn’t want to be there with him-“

“Then why were you?”

“None of your business.” You snapped.

“He trashed my house-“

“You both trashed your house! Don’t bitch at me because you got in a fight I didn’t ask you to get involved in.” You said, cutting him off.

“So first it’s thanks so much and then it’s I don’t need you?”

“Yeah Shane,” you continued, “I was trying to be fucking nice to you but you’re being a dick. I’m sorry I don’t have feelings for you anymore but I can’t change that.”

“You don’t mean that.” He said, keeping his voice low. He stood up and followed you down the counter as you tried to get back to work. As you lifted the gate on the counter he grabbed the other side, stopping you from going any further. “You got your head mixed up with that loser Dixon.”

Your jaw tensed as you glared at him, “watch your mouth.” You let go of the gate, shoving passed him to get to your waiting tables.

The resulting noise of the gate felt like it left an echo when Shane let go as well, turning and grabbing your arm. “Just talk to me, please!”

“I said no!” You snapped, pulling your arm away, “leave me alone Shane, I said no. I don’t want anything to do with you.”

“Shane,” Otis’ voice caught both your attentions and you looked behind the counter to the window that offered a limited view of the kitchen. Otis was standing there, dish on the ledge, staring down Shane Walsh like he could fire bullets with his eyes. You’d known Otis your whole life and there wasn’t a person alive that ever had a bad word to say about him. He was a sweetheart, burly on the outside but teddy soft on the inside. He’d watched you hold your own with Shane in the past, and with Aiden. He watched you flirt with Daryl and told you more than a few times that you had that boy wrapped around your finger whether you thought so or not. And he watched Shane put his hand on you, “Think you should leave.”

“We were just talking.” Shane replied, looking back at you like there was any chance in the world that you would defend him.

“Yeah, and now you’re done.” Otis said.

No further conversation was had. Shane nodded and left, Lori shooting him a sympathetic smile as he passed by her. You wanted to tell her to have at him, you could do without him hanging around. It was good Daryl was away for the weekend cause you were itching to go to his house as you stood outside the diner with Lori while she locked up.

“You really over Shane?” She asked, as if she gave two shits about your life.

“Why?”

“Just wondering. He seems pretty passionate about you.”

“Passionate? Try aggressive.” You countered. He’d always been that way and you thought maybe there had been a time when you substituted who he was for who you wanted him to be but you liked to think you were a little smarter this time around.

“What about Dixon?”

“Why are you asking me all these questions Lor?” You asked. You wanted nothing more than to get in your car and go home.

“Just wondering, I get bored at the apartment, only one there to talk to is Rick and he’s on nights this week.” She replied. He was around whenever she had doctor’s appointments or if she needed something for the baby. She was more than positive that when the little Grimes was born he would be the best dad in King County but he seemingly less interested in being the best fiancé.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, answering her question finally, “Daryl and I aren’t dating though so it doesn’t matter.”

“Think he’s waiting til you turn 18.” She asked.

“No, just don’t think he’s interested in dating me is all.”

You’d given Daryl a lot of thought since you’d started spending time with him. There were times you thought maybe he liked you. Moments when it seemed plausible that there was something but it always felt like it was right before. This build up between the two of you with nothing to show for it in the end.

“You have dated before right?”

“Obviously.” You replied, hand on the door of your car. If she would just get in and pull away , you could too.

“Just checking.” She laughed, finally granting your wish and getting in the car.

You peeled out after her, driving away from your street and pulling into the parking lot of the Shop’n’Bag. You parked as close as you could for a late night, your Jeep illuminated by the overhead light. The grocery store was practically dead at 10p as you grabbed a basket and walked around aimlessly. Hungry was not the way to shop but your mom was being a bitch and refusing to buy you groceries, going so far as to label the items in the refrigerator that she deemed hers.

The freezer aisle, flickering from one of the ceiling lights, seemed to be your lucky spot. It wrapped the wall in the far left, two large cases running almost from wall to wall in the middle and a familiar frame leaning over one of them, cart full of other quick meals and beer beside him.

“Hey stranger.” You greeted, stepping up next to him and leaning against the case.

Daryl straightened, the faintest of smiles coming and going as he looked over at you, “ya ain’t stalking me are ya?”

“No, I just finished at the diner, I’m starving.”

“Ya know they make food there.” He replied, tossing a pack of steaks in the cart and moving along, you falling into step next to him.

“I wasn’t hungry while I was there.” When he stopped again you pulled the three packs of stovetop mac and cheese out of your otherwise empty basket and dropped them in his cart before leaving your basket under the case.

“I ain’t buying yer food.” He said, glancing over his shoulder at you. His eyes landed on the barely visible bruise that was still on your cheek, Tara’s words clear as day in his mind. “What happened?” He asked, hand brushing his own jaw in the same place.

“Fell in the shower.”

“Least it ain’t those cats this time.” He replied.

“When did you get back?” You asked, following him down the aisle.

“Like ten minutes ago, however long I been in here.” He said, pausing to throw something in his cart, “why?”

You shrugged, “it was boring this weekend, I missed you.”

“Musta been real boring then.” He joked, turning his face away so you couldn’t see his cheeks going red. “Ya ain’t start any fights this weekend?”

“It wasn’t my fault,” you stressed. “Deanna called my mom though, told her she saw us driving in your truck.”

“Told ya that ya shouldn’t be hanging around me.” Daryl replied, leaning against the handle of the cart. He watched you look through jars of red gravy until you found the one you wanted, sticking it in the cart. “I ain’t buying your food,” he repeated.

“I’ll pay for it,” you insisted, gripping the other end of the cart and smiling at him. “So, how was hunting?”

“A’ight. Got a deer in the bed a my truck.”

You stuck your tongue out in disgust, “Glad my jeep’s fixed then.” You walked with Daryl through the rest of the store until he finally decided he was finished grocery shopping and turned his cart toward the check out, only one lane open this time of the night. When you tried to put the divider down between your order and his, Daryl put it back. “Thought you weren’t paying for me?”

“Ain’t a lot a stuff.” He shrugged, “bag it yerself though.”

“What a gentleman.” You laughed; scooting passed him so you could start bagging the groceries as the guy at the checkout put them through.

Tara had told you enough times already that you should invite Daryl to your birthday, or just tell him that you like him and want to date him. You’d thought about both options plenty, positive that they were the only things on your mind these days. But actually, mentioning those things to him were a whole other story.

“So, I turn 18 soon.” You mentioned as you walked out to your jeep with him. His truck was parked a few spaces down, blue tarp over the bed highlighted by a parking light. “Tara and Maggie are having a party for me.”

“Ys sure that’s a good idea?” He joked, putting your groceries in the back for you.

“Stop! No one’s ever gonna let me live that down.” You groaned.

“Ya gonna invite me to yer party then?”

You perked up a little, smiling, “well, yeah. And I was thinking too, you know, I’ll be 18.” You repeated at the end.

“I heard ya.”

“I’ll be legal.” You clarified, as if he couldn’t catch on without you spelling it out for him.

Daryl sighed, running a hand through his hair and looking at you a little more tired than before. “This ain’t a good idea, ya know,” he said, waving his hand between the two of you, “I ain’t got a lot going on right in my life. Ya shouldn’t be dragged into that.”

“I’m not being dragged into anything,” you replied, “I really like you, I think I’ve been pretty obvious about it and if not then I’m telling you now. I like you and I’ll be 18 and I think-”

He stopped you by holding his hand up, “it ain’t gonna happen.”

“Daryl-”

“I gotta get home,” he cut you off, stepping away from your car, “goodnight.”

“Yeah, goodnight.” You sighed, watching him walk away to his car.

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tminus266 · 3 years

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Lololol so apparently my posts weren’t posting off wifi? I made like three posts on the road this week and NONE of them posted? Long update coning

Friday, hubby and I went to Six Flags again. We walked a ton and was able to ride many more rides than the previous week. I noticed that I was able to fit easier in more rides and on the Joker my lap bar came down to the same height as hubby’s! Previously I was embarrassed at how high mine was compared to his but now they’re equal! There’s still a ride I needed him to push on the seat to get it to click, but it actually wasn’t even because of my belly - my belly didn’t even touch the restraint it was my chest. Either way it was a great day out, tons of walking and fun and a nice date together. Here’s my stats from that day:

Saturday we had to go over to his parents to clean the boat we recently bought off of his dad. It hadn’t been used in over a year and wasn’t very well cleaned prior to then. So it was fun working in the sun outside, cleaning the boat off together. Here’s my stats for that day:

Not bad really considering it was fairly stationary work.

Sunday I did a normal workout with ring fit. I didn’t do a long one just a small one because I am absolutely wiped from this past weekend. The weather started cooling down again and with the crazy weather comes the flare ups. So here’s my baby workout for Sunday:

And not gonna lie, today’s workout will have to resume when hubby gets home and wakes me up. I did dishes for like half an hour and was wiped and in so much pain. Even just working today was painful - all my joints are on fire even just typing this out hurts. I’ll update tomorrow with Mondays workout. Til then y’all!

#fitblr #healthy #fitness #personal #fit #weight loss #motivation #workout #fitspiration #progress #ring fit adventure #six flags #Apple Watch #fitness app #activity app

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lockdownuk · 4 years

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Lockdown Diary Part 9

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day 241: Shit day at work. To cut a long story short, I could complete a task Sueanne gave to me and then I got it in the ear, including a snotty email ay 5:40pm. Pissed off.

Day 242: Had a meeting with Sueanne (our weekly 1-2-1 actually) and she was alright. I feel much better tonight. Last night I didn’t even have an appetitie - unheard of! Going to make up for that tonight, pie and loads of veg! A much better day. Ridiculously, I believe yesterday was all my own fault - I take work for granted sometimes and I let myself down by ignoring the urgency of a task just because it was Sueanne asking me to do it and she was a peer. She is now my boss, and I should respect that.

Day 243: So-so day at work. It’s strange how used to work I am after over six months on furlough. It’s been less than two months back but all the highs and lows amd frustrations are commonplace. Most importantly, it being Thursday, I cannot wait for tomorrow eveninga dn to kick back, drink and smoke. Spoke to dad this morning, he’s same as...that’s always good to know. Sugar levels have been a fucking roller coaster today, and it has really fucked me off! No salad at lunch due to them being so fucking high when I got back from my walk. It ended up being my tea. Sarted watching The Undoing...it’s OK.

Day 244: Glad it is Friday. Just cooking a (very hot) chicken madras, cracked open my first beer. Gonna eat, drink, smoke and watch a good film.

Day 245: Gold was the film I watched last night, with Matthew McConaughey and it was a good choice. I then watch a Kevin Hart stand up show on Netflix...very Eddie Murphy, very funny. I did a 12 km walk today...fucking felt it in my legs. Walked the footpath from Stoke Doyle road to Benefield road for the first time. I liked it and it comes out between Lytham Park and Wakerley Close....I posted on FB about the fact that when I move to Oundle, Clifton Drive was the last street heading out of town. Saw Becks on the walk down Benefield road, She mentioned she’s tired of lockdown. I replied that I’m tired of the virus!

Day 246: Up at 1pm, nice long walk, ordered new slippers and waterproof jacket (my Craghopper is bust again).

Day 247: I screwed up at work today, went for a (ridiculously) late lunch right when I was meant to be at an online meeting that Sueanne had reminded me about in the morning. There’s mitigation but, when push comes to shove, I fucked up and now Sueanne’s on the warpath - one more slip up and it’ll be an offical disciplinary matter.

Day 248: Suzanne wants me to troubleshoot a ticket she has in her queue, some database request for a Cork guy. It’s a test and it’s fucking me off.

I did testing for a network change tonight...8 till 11:15pm.

Elliot and Aaron cleaned the windows today. It was nice to see them.

Rita sent a couple of emails recently. Dad’s ear is all clear but Paul has got testicular cancer.

Day 249: New waterproof jacket arrived today. It’s very nice, bargain for £25 odd. Also picked up slippers from M&S food hall in Corby so, while over their, did a shop at Tesco’s...£109 mainly booze.

By the time I was back, I ended up doing my evening walk at 9.30pm!

Day 250: Leigh from Oundle Chronicle has got back to me. She (he?) has selected the photos that are going to be in the article and wants me to write a sentence on each - where they were taken and what inspited me to do so. Whether that means the stuff I wrote before is not going to be used, or not, I dunno! New slippers are OK and the new jacket is still impressing me.

Day 251: Typing on Day 252. Usual Friday, beers, meatballs, pizza, long chat with Fog. I should mention that, as we approach the end of Lockdown2 in England, Boris and his government have laid out a three tier structure for how the second lockdown will be eased. It’s caused confusion and consternation across the board. None of it affects me, still isolating like I was on day 1. Day 252: Totally forgot about my diary entry yesterday! Up at 1pm, nice long walk, nipped rong Elliots to pay for my windows, had a chat with him, Artron and Camilla - it’s so nice to socialise! Gonna make fish pie and supp a few ales. Day 253: The weekend is over way too quickly. It’s 7.30pm on Sunday as I type and I wish it wasn’t. I wish it was 7.30pm on Friday. Day 254: In a meeting, a working Zoom, with Andy Ashler in the US re: qfiniti, which Sueanne pissed me off about earlier in te day (RCI diary updated), but the meeting went well. I am desparately trying to buy an iPad on Black Monday. As usual with tech, I cannot make my mind up which to buy! Day 255: I haven’t bought an iPad....I’ll wait for the 10.2″ iPad to come down in price. I had more involvement with Andy Ashler and in the US with the Qfiniti project at work. I’m really enjoying it, it’s very technical...although I didn’t finish ‘til 6pm because of it. The Oundle Chronicle is out and an article about me and my pics is on the back page. Leigh, the editor, sent it to me electronically. It’s good. I am chuffed! Day 256: I booked some holidays today, making sure that I didn’t include any days off in the week December 14-18 (SB’s off). So, this coming Friday (4th Dec), Next Weds-Fri and Monday 21st. I know I have only been back from Furlough a couple of months but I am more than ready for some kick-back time. 1-2-1 with SB today, it was a relaxed affair, most espcially becaus eof my success thus far with the Qfiniti project - that being said, I got pretty much nowhere with it today. Ordered a couple of long sleeved Ts and a fleeced hoody from a shop called Doubletwo today, well cheap in the sale. I saw half a dozen joggers on the Milton Road blind bend tonight, oblivious to any other potential path user. I posted about it (in my own, sarcastic way) on the Oundle Chatter FB group. It was met how I’d expected plus some direct digs so I deleted it. Cowardly but, I figure, I don’t get my point across, the vast majority of joggers really don’t think they are doing anything wrong by bulldozing there way around town and, lastly, I couldn’t be bothered with the flak, and its tennis like back-and-forth!

Day 257: Got tomorrow off so worked late tying up loose ends, including the qfiniti project - fucking nuts really, making sure no one asks any questions of SB or the team, in terms of my work load, for just one day off! Still, just had tea, cracked open a beer and am watching Shaun of the Dead. Nice.

Day 258: The main thing I did today is walk. It was about 12km but felt much longer ‘cos it was wintry, pissing down, windy and slippery as fuck. And I really enjoyed it! Badge messaged me today to ask how I am and, in replying, I mentioned that I think I am becoming addicted to walking...it wasn’t a throwaway comment. Just cooked up a chilli (which I think I have ruined with a Knorr beef stock pot), and will tuck in with beers, smokes and telly. While it’s been a day off, this Friday evening will be as all others are at the moment, late, drunken and solitary fun - no doubt.

Day 259: Typing on day 260. That chilli last night was actually OK. Plus I ‘invented’ a meatball wrap - moving on from the TikTok ham and cheese wrap you fold into the toaster, I tried the same with meatballs but no fucking way could I fold it into the toaster slot (pissed up kitchen shenanigans), so I wrapped it in tin foil and heated it in the oven, Fucking delicious. I watched Shaun of the Dead. I think it’s the first time since its release and I couldn’t help thinking “zombies just aren’t like that [in real life]” Wtf?

Day 260: I was quite sensible (for a Saturday) last night, in bed by 2am, up at my alarm this morning, 10:30am. Nice long walk, taking in a new path up by Biggin Grange and took plenty of pics that turned out really good. Btw, posh lost yesterday at Portsmouth (with 2000 fans there) and they lost midweek and last weekend in the FA Cup to Chorley, at home.

Day 261: It’s freezing today...actually 0 degrees. This house is so fucking cold, even with the heating on.

Day 262: Typing on day 263. Last day of work for 5 days. Beers are in order. And a sausage casserole. Day 263: I completely forgot to do a diary entry yesterday....concentrating on starting my work break off on the right foot, which I did. As a result, I didn’t get up until 1pm. So, to stop that sort of day wasting, no beers tonight. Just got back from a shop (£90 in Tesco’s), trying to sort out Romiley’s Christmas present, then something to eat (more sausage casserole) and a early, sober night.

Day 264: So, after abstinence last night, I was up before 11am and did a walk that included the track from Benefield Road to Monson Way past Park Wood. It was fucking hard work due to mud. I have lost coumd the amount of times I nearly slipped right over. Throw into that a hypo, the 12-13km walk was tough. Sorted out Romiley’s present (guitar stand, music stand and guitar exercises book). Took soime nice photos today as well which I’ve prepared and shared. No booze today/tonight either. Some break, a younger me would say!

Day 265: Friday, and I am typing with a beer, balti on the hob and I am just gonna choose a film and roll a single skinner. I am knackered. Up at 10am, cleaned the hall and stairs after a 10km walk. Also, I spoke with dad who is, as always, fine.

Time to make up for the last two sober nights.

Day 266: I am typing this on day 267. So drunk last night I left nearll a full can of beer and went to bed in my jogging bottoms and t-shirt. I have had a day off from any exercise at all which felt very odd. A few beers and watched Snatch. Day 267: While I was nowhere near drunk last night, due to sleeping in late (2pm) I was up ‘til 3am watching TikTok so today I struggled out of bed at just before 1pm. Watch the start of the season’s final GP (Verstappen won from pole and it was boring af), back on the exercising including a 9km walk. Back to work tomorrow which I feel totally conflicted about! Posh won yesterday at home to Rochdale (with the allowed 2000 fans) 4-1 including a 17 minute first half hatrick from Jonson Clarke-Harris.

Day 268: Back to work - Sueanne’s off and it’s the first day I’ve been at work with Jon in charge which involves a daily ‘SUMO’ (whatever that acronym stands for?) at 9.30am every day. I am still involved with te qfiniti upgrade project which seems to have taken a step backwards in the 3 days I had off, so I was working until gone 9.30pm! I have decided to do a quiz, hopefully for Christmas, whereby I don’t want the actual answers (to 25 particular questions, all with a common theme in the answer), merely an omitted question!

Day 269: Stand Up Meeting Online. SUMO. Ian Bird told me. I might struggle with double Y for my quiz. Work was OK, more Qfiniti stuff. Posh drew away to MK 1-1. Posh were 0-1 up but Lincs lost at home. I can’t undertsand why that pleases me so....oh, yeah I can Steve Dee.

Day 270: Struggling to order Dad and Rita booze for Christmas without it being a Morrison’s delivery that I can do through Amazon Prime. That would be OK but it’s just a bit clinical! Meanwhile, now I am paying for Prime, and they are showing some Premiership games (for example, tonight I watched Liverpool v. Spurs (2-1), I really have to contact Sky - I am paying £71pm atm! Sam posted pic of her Christmas tree but mentioned how she’s finding it hard to get in the spirit - Paul has testicular cancer and the outlook is bleak - fuck know’s what she’s going through with all that, trying to shield Romiley from the worst without lying!

#diary #Tumblr diary #lockdown #COVID19 #lockdownuk

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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458

Did you do anything stupid/anything you regret today? So far, no. I always end up doing something stupid at least once a day so I’m just waiting for that to happen.

Do you trust your doctor? We don’t have a family doctor but I like to think I can trust whichever doctor that winds up giving me a checkup.

Have you ever switched primary care doctors? ^

^If yes, what was the reason?

Do you ever sleep on your bedroom floor just for fun? No, the floor is too hard. Sleeping on the floor is reserved for emotional breakdowns.

What's the last thing you regret spending money on? A really bad bowl of ramen at Podium. Backstory time!!! So I never liked ramen until a few weeks ago, when my uncle brought me to Mendokoro Ramenba, which is the restaurant that people say is the best ramen place in the country. And people weren’t lying, because it really was a fucking good bowl. Made me cry. Anyway, after that, I kinda increasingly had a craving for ramen and tried out a couple of other places that served it. The ones I’ve had so far just reinforced my dislike for ramen, because every other bowl I’ve tasted so far (other than the one my uncle brought me to) was terrible.

So, idk. Either ramen is really just not good–at least for me–or Mendokoro gave me extremely high standards when picking ramen.

Do you have a youtube channel? I have one but it’s only for subscribing to channels and so that YouTube can personalize my home page according to my interests.

^If so, how many subscribers do you have? 0.

What color are your nails painted currently? If I had a dollar every time this question appeared on a survey...

Are you worried about your current financial situation? HAHAHAHA YES. Internship is DRAINING MY WALLET. I work in Ortigas, which is one of the busiest business districts in the metro. And understandably, they charge for everything. Park for five minutes? Pay up. Wanna use the bathroom? Pay up. Are you just standing aimlessly? Pay the fuck up. The last one was a joke but you get the point. Anyway, so I pay P200-P250 ($4-$5) for parking from M-F and it leaves me with little to no savings at the end of the week. I also had to stop buying food out because I had to resort to getting meals from the house.

Yesterday I was desperate to reward myself so, with P350 left in my wallet, I bought a burger from my favorite restaurant that costs P350 exactly. I didn’t care anymore. I wanted to buy something that wasn’t a parking fee, so I said fuck it. This is the one thing I hate as an unpaid intern and I can’t wait til it’s over.

What was the last thing that made you cry? Gab and I had an honest conversation last night that lasted until 1 AM, and we both cried.

Do you know anyone who's had a stillbirth? I don’t think so, no.

Who was the last person you know (or that you know of) that died? Kaye’s dad.

What are you looking forward to doing tomorrow? Resting, napping, sleeping. Maybe a little work here and there but I’ll be asleep for the most part.

What store did you shop at last? My girlfriend and I stopped at Filbar’s to look at Funkos and (for her) GoT stuff.

Do you need a new phone? I’m a little materialistic so I’m always wanting a new phone hahaha but no, I really don’t need a new one; my iPhone 8 is working just fine.

What's something you are behind on? SOCIAL LIFE

Name someone who has it worse than you. I don’t like this question :/ It’s a little narcissistic for me.

Do you wish you were rich? Duh, don’t we all.

Do you miss someone who treated you horribly? Nope.

Would you rather get a big tattoo or small tattoo? Small one. I used to think I can handle big tattoos though.

Are there any redheads in your family? We don’t even have brunettes nor blondes. The day we discover a redhead in the family is the day the world ends.

Do you identify as a supernatural being..i.e., unicorn, alien, goddess...?

Do you block a lot of people on Facebook? On Twitter, yes. I’m not into the Facebook culture much so I’ve never felt the need to block someone there.

What's one thing you are tired of seeing or hearing about on Facebook? Fucking Bible quotes. It’s made worse because they’re always used by hypocrites. Motivational quotes with generic graphics are just as bad.

What is a secret you have? Stared at this question for like 7 minutes only to come up with nothing haha. My secrets are either too private or too uninteresting to count as secrets.

Do you wait until the last minute to do laundry? My mom does it every Friday so that she doesn’t get behind.

Do you have any big regrets in life? Not big ones, just mini regrets here and there. And I try not to have them in the first place because I hate being stuck in a place when I could’ve just moved on and accepted my mistakes already.

What color is the sweatshirt you wear the most? Navy blue.

Do you consider yourself athletic? Not really.

What's one thing you are not? Good in calculus.

Has anyone ever bullied you while you were grieving a loss? No, but I’d be so pissed off if that happened. Like I’d have no time feeling victimized – I’d just go right ahead and be furious that someone would do that.

When was the last time you went to the doctor? Three years ago, when my school required me to get scoliosis stuff settled before they admitted me to freshman status.

How many pills do you take every morning? Zero, unless I wake up with a headache in which case I’d take one.

Do you own a designer purse? Yes.

Which twin is your favorite: Niki or Gabi? ?

Do you know anyone who is colorblind? I don’t think so.

Which YouTuber do you feel like you relate to the most? Dan Howell, and how timely considering the video he just put out after more than a year :3

List three people you hope to meet in Heaven. If it ends up being real, I’d like to meet my great-grandfather and my ancestors who founded the province of Bulalacao.

When was the last time you cleaned your room? Last April. I had a lot of time on my hands then. It’s gotten messy again though so I’m itching to clean it up.

Do you have a prayer partner? No.

When was the last time you went to church? Last Sunday. I’m going again tomorrow -.-

Do you know what you're wearing for the 4th of July? I don’t care for another country’s Independence Day. Especially a country that’s bullied my own for decades.

What was the last parade you went to? Last June, when we went to the Pride March.

Have you ever been in a parade, and if yes, doing what? We were...celebrating Pride?

What is your favorite ride at the fair? I can’t handle a lot of rides, but I do love the octopus. It’s a ride that resembles...well, an octopus, and its arms go up and down and go around fast.

Do you wish you had someone you could trust? I already do.

Do you want a dog that looks like you? I’d rather not have a dog that looks like anyone.

What theme do you want for your wedding? No theme. I just want it to look elegant, classy, and classic.

What theme would you choose for a baby's nursery? I don’t think I’ll know until I’m actually getting a kid. Right now though I’m leaning towards a space/stars theme. Or animals.

What color would you paint a baby girl's nursery? Pastel pink.

Does your first crush know that he/she was your first crush? No. I never told her and I probably never will. It’s just the timing’s been lost forever hahaha.

Do you know your first crush's middle name? Her second name is Louise, but I forgot her maiden name.

What is one thing you are scared of? Setting my kitchen on fire while cooking.

How far away do you live from your favorite park? I live in the Philippines – the government does not give a shit about public places other than malls. We have no parks other than Rizal Park, and that’s 1-1.5 hours away.

What is the last thing you missed out on that you wanted to go to? My org’s alumni homecoming party last February. That day was also mine and Gab’s anniversary. I missed out on both because my dad had booked a trip that weekend.

Do you have a secret nobody knows? Yes.

Who do you wish were your best friend? I already have my two dream best friends.

Who do you wish you could go on another date with?

Name a celebrity who has your natural hair color. Vanessa Hudgens, and that’s because she’s half-Filipino haha.

Which family member did you get your height from? My mom.

What color was the last popsicle you ate? I haven’t had a popsicle in a hot minute. I had a Cornetto yesterday though! It was chocolate flavored, so it was brown.

Do you feel stupid regularly? Of course.

How do you love yourself when you feel stupid? I don’t.

What's a great piece of advice you've heard? Too lazy to rack my head for past advice I’ve heard.

Do you like your butt? Yes.

What style of wedding dress do you want? I want something Audrey Hepburn would wear and a dress that would suit a small-chested frame.

What does your dream house look like? Minimalist, square-shaped, large windows, predominantly white.

List ten girl's names you love. Olivia, Amelia, Mia, Harper, Isabella, Ava, Scarlett, Charlotte, Elizabeth, Julianna.

List ten boy names you love. James, Jacob, Luca, Julian, Liam, Mason, Miguel, Andres, Luis, Matteo.

Who was the last friend of yours to have a baby, and what's the baby's name? None of my friends have babies but I do have batchmates from my senior class who’ve already had their own. I don’t remember the names but I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want it aired out either by their random classmate that owns a secret survey Tumblr blog either.

Are all of your friends having babies right now? I just said none of them are.

Who is the cutest baby you've seen on social media recently? Olivia and Amelia Manzano-Reyes!!! Yeah, the mom basically has the same taste in names as me :/

Do you know anyone who's given birth to twins? I know sets of twins, but I don’t know the moms who birthed them.

What's your biggest regret? I don’t really like dwelling on regrets so I always come up with nothing when asked this.

#survey #surveys

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mermaidblue20 · 4 years

Text

Scarlet Night

Hey, so I also like to write original stories as well as fanfiction and I wanna share the first chapter of one I have been working on for quite a while. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter One

Summer break began a week ago and I’m already going crazy. Thank god I am leaving this weekend because I don’t think I’d be able to stand a whole summer with my mother. I love her, but she is seriously batshit crazy.

“Angelica! Can you come here for a minute?!” I hear her call from downstairs. Speak of the devil.

“Alright, be down in a bit!” I called down to her. I swear she has a sixth sense for when I’m avoiding her. I throw the covers off of me and go sit at my vanity. I decide to throw my hair up into a ponytail before heading down, it’s quick, easy, and makes my hair look fiery. I’ve been dying my hair a bright, scarlet red for the past two years because I was tired of people comparing me to my mother. We had the same hair, same eyes, same face, same everything; so I dyed my hair. She was so pissed but it was worth it. I was so tired of hearing comments about how much I look like her and how I’m her spitting image. It’s not that my mom isn’t beautiful, I just hate being compared to her. My mom is not a kind individual, in fact she is a raging bitch 90% of the time. People automatically start to judge me and who I am because of her. Most of the people at my school hate me because of her, that’s why I stopped telling her about any school events I had.

“What’s taking so long, Angie? Get down here!” she yelled, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Coming!” Geez, I wonder who pissed her off today. I hope it’s not anything I did, I really don’t wanna get on her bad side before I leave. I’ve done my chores and I even did work that wasn’t on the list. I guess it’s time to face the music though. I ran down the stairs and into the kitchen where she was leaning against the counter.

“I was wondering if you got lost or something, I mean god damn. Anyway, I’ve got a couple of questions for you Angelica.” She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow. “First off, what kind of plans do you have for the summer?”

Shit, she knows. I know that she knows, and she’s just messing with me. No, I am not gonna let her ruin this for me, I have a great summer planned and she can’t stop me. I am almost out of here, I can do this. Besides, there’s a .01% that she doesn’t know and that she’s genuinely curious about my plans so I’ll just play it cool.

“Well, Lexi’s mom invited me to go with them to Mississippi for the summer. They leave Friday and I was hoping I could go with them,” I told her. Which wasn’t a complete lie. When I was over there earlier her mom did invite me to go with them, but they don’t leave for another week and I wasn’t even considering it. I love Lexi but a whole summer with her dysfunctional family? No thanks, I can barely deal with my dysfunctional mom for a week.

“Oh, that’s nice of her! Now for my next question, what are you really doing this summer?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, trying my best to look innocent. I know it’s not working but there’s no turning back now.

“Okay, have it your way. Follow me!” she commanded. She turned to walk towards the front room and when I didn’t move she grabbed my arm and yanked me after her. I flinched but I had no choice but to go with her. When we got into the front room she pushed me into a chair and walked over to where the phone was. Before I could ask what was going on she pressed play on the voicemail. Audrey’s voice filled the room:

“Hey Angie, it’s Audrey. I’ve tried texting and calling your cell but you haven’t gotten back to me and your voicemail box is still full. You really need to clear that out girl! Anyway, I’m calling to let you know that everything is ready for when you get here on Friday; however, I’m not gonna be there when you arrive. My mom is cleaning out my old room to turn it into a guest bedroom and she needs my help. I’m gonna be gone til Sunday afternoon, but I can leave the key somewhere for you to get into the house. I’ll probably just tape it to the underside of one of the chairs on the front porch. I wanted to call you about it because I’m leaving for my mom’s tomorrow morning and I don’t have any signal down there. If you get this before then, call or text me to let me know you got it. I can’t wait to see you again, it’s been too long. Love you, sis. Bye!”

Well, it’s official. I’m dead. I’ve avoided looking at my mom throughout the message, but for some idiotic reason I decide to glance over at her. Bad decision. Her eyes are widened and her pupils are dilated so that only a small ring of hazel is peeking out around the dark black. Her nostrils are flared and I can see every shaky breath in her tense shoulders, almost as if she’s trying to refrain herself from swinging at me. The only other time I’ve seen her this angry is when Audrey introduced herself to us at my dad’s funeral three years ago.

“What the hell Angelica?!” She blew up, “Why are you still in contact with her? Why are you going over to her house?! I told you to stay away from her. She is only trying to tear this family apart, why else would she be telling this horrible lie? I cannot believe you would do something like this, betraying me and your father. You are not allowed to contact her again, do you understand me?”

I am so tired of hearing this stupid bullshit, I can’t take it anymore. So I do the one thing I never thought I would have the guts to do. I fight back.

“You need to shut up and not talk about my sister that way. She is not lying. Why on Earth would she lie about being Dad’s daughter?! You need to get over yourself and accept that she is family and that I want her in my life. We both knew that there was something Dad was hiding from us, why else would he be going on weekend long business trips every month. He was a goddamn plumber, what kind of plumber has that many business trips. He hid her from us all these years, but now I am fixing his mistakes. I am going to her house this summer. I am going to get to know her. My sister is going to be a part of this family. Get. Over. It.”

My mom stood there, her mouth stretched into a thin line and shoulders shaking slightly. I could tell I didn’t have much longer before things got really bad, so I ran. I got out of that room and upstairs as fast as I could. As soon as I got to my room I slammed the door and locked it. Thank god I still had that lock because almost as soon as I turned it, she was banging on the other side trying to get in.

I needed to get out of here, I can’t stay here for another 3 days. I packed up the rest of my belongings and slipped my converse on. I only have 2 suitcases so getting them out of the window without her noticing should be easy enough, especially since she’s still screaming and banging on my door. I opened my window and tossed them haphazardly onto the lawn. There’s nothing fragile in them so whatever. Next comes the hard part, getting myself out of the window. Last time I attempted this, I slid down the roof and landed on my ankle funny. I wound up spraining it and had crutches for a week and a half. I can’t risk hurting myself this time, I gotta make a quick getaway.

Very carefully I straddle the window sill and make sure that my foot has a good enough grip to not slip. I turn so that both of my feet are on the roof and then slide my butt onto it as well, the easiest way to do this is to treat it like a slide. A slide that just so happens to have a 8 foot drop off at the end. Just as I’m starting to slide slowly down the roof I heard my mom stop banging on the door. I know she must’ve given up and started heading downstairs, which normally would’ve been a relief but my bags were sitting on the front lawn in plain view of the living room window. I don’t have time to take this slowly anymore, I had to get there before she saw them and caught me. I needed to hurry.

I quickly scoot my way down the roof trying to be careful yet fast. When I hit the edge I dug my hands and feet in so that I could stop before I fell onto my face. I turn around to grab onto the edge and drop myself to the ground. As I’m dangling I heard the front door slam open.

“ANGELICA WHAT-“

I dropped as soon as I heard my name, picked up my bags and ran for it.

“IF YOU DON’T GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE, YOU’RE GONNA REGRET IT. ANGELICA!” I can hear her calling after me down the street. “FINE. DON’T COME BACK THEN! ENJOY LIVING IN THAT LYING BITCH’S HOME.”

I continue to run until I can no longer see the house. I am so glad to be out of that suffocating environment, but at the same time I feel a pang in my chest. My own mother just kicked me out of our- HER house. I never thought this would happen to me. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I know that if I don’t distract myself with something that they are going to come flooding out. Straightening my back, I resolved not to let her get to me. I called Lexi to see if I can stay with her until Friday, God I am so lucky to have her in my life.

#oc #original fiction #writers #enjoy #lgbtq #i dont know what im doing #writing

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d3ndroica · 7 years

Text

Big Apple 8

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Friday morning, Madge headed to work with an extra spring in her step. Maybe because it was Friday and there was an afternoon holiday party at work. Or maybe because she had weekend plans with Gale. There was a constant fluttering in the pit of her stomach, half anticipation and half anxiety. In the morning she threw herself into the minutiae of lab work. She had a quick meeting over lunch confirming the expected schedule for the holidays - Madge had a few days off including Christmas. The lab’s holiday party was a casual thing starting at 2pm. Madge had finished most of her lab work in the morning, and as she checked email her mind wandered. Saturday dinner with Gale loomed in her mind. A Date! Okay, maybe a date. They hadn’t really specified, but Madge was feeling optimistic.

To help distract herself from the inevitable overthinking, Madge texted with Thom. He had been super grumpy since his show ended and she figured she could kill two birds with one stone, cheering him up and distracting herself. She convinced him she would come to his place for dinner and a movie or something. He only agreed because it was “totally gross” out and he had practically no disposable income, but at least he agreed.

The holiday party was, well, a bit awkward. Even though she’d done a few happy hours, having the bosses and other people she didn’t know put a damper on the party spirit. But there was wine and free food and a group gift exchange in which Madge scored a new travel mug and coffee shop gift card, so it wasn’t all bad.

She showed up at Thom’s after work with frozen pizza and ice cream. As usual, Thom proved to be an excellent distraction from whatever was on her mind. They watched a stupid comedy and made snarky comments through the whole thing. When the movie was over Thom switched over to Real Housewives and before Madge realized how late it was, she was half asleep on the couch, so she just stayed the night. Saturday was cold but clear. Madge was bundled up on the subway, reading a book on her way home when she got Gale’s message. She had to fish for the phone from her coat pocket and take off her gloves to unlock it. Gale 10:51am can’t make it tonight something came up sorry :(

Madge 10:54am OK. Everything OK?

Gale 10:55am Yeah OK. rain check?

Madge 10:57am Yeah np

Except, of course, it was a problem. Why, she wondered. He hadn’t explained, and she hadn’t asked, but it felt like rejection. Something came up, which could mean anything at all, or nothing. The idea of a rain check was little consolation.

Madge tried to make new plans. Well, she texted Rue about doing something, but Rue had a performance. She’d be free on Monday, so Madge agreed to meet up then. Madge also emailed Delly a sad diatribe about men being stupid, but mostly she felt like the stupid one. Ugh. So she wound up spending Saturday night doing laundry, watching Sex and the City streaming online, and getting drunk on cheap wine. She glared at her phone but did not text him. She’d decided that since he had canceled the plans she’d initiated, it was up to him to re-engage. Sunday she finished her holiday shopping. Delly called to commiserate about their lack of dating lives. That evening, Madge called her dad, catching him up on work and the city - everything except Gale. She didn’t talk about her dating life with family if she could avoid it. Her dad spent about 20 minutes describing the latest episode of Midsomer Murders he’d seen, practically scene by scene, except he kept mixing up which characters were which, so Madge was left with a bizarre muddle of people who may have been blackmailing and/or sleeping with each other.

Monday rolled around all too quickly. Madge felt forlorn, a cold dreary Monday and still nothing from Gale. She had a busy day scheduled in the lab, prepping her new cell cultures. She was determined to be sure everything was pristine this time around. As she was breaking for lunch, she ran into another lab tech, Vinayak, whom she’d chatted with at the holiday party. He was watching some viral video a student had made for their biology class about cell reproduction processes - Madge had to appreciate it, it mentioned apoptosis! She got sucked into a short conversation with him and some other coworkers about it and other biomed social media. When she finally got back to her desk she checked her phone and found a series of messages waiting. Rue had messaged with a suggestion for a dive bar to meet at before the movie. And Gale had texted. Finally. Gale 11:23am hey

Gale 11:29am you free tonight?

Madge 12:41pm Sorry :( have plans Been stuck in the lab Maybe tomorrow?

Madge sighed. The more she thought about it, she realized she was angry at him. Did he think Monday night plans were just as good as Saturday? And why was it always the same day, couldn’t he make plans a few days out, give her some warning? She hadn’t really thought about it before but now it occurred to her that he had only ever made plans on the same day with her - never in advance. She wasn’t sure if that was supposed to tell her something about him - or about her. And he was mostly MIA on weekends which seemed, if anything, not promising. The whole things left her feeling grumpy. She was happy that she had enough of a life to not be at his beck and call (not a fair accounting but whatever, she still considered herself new to the city and for once she had plans so she could at least feel good about that). She was also annoyed that she wouldn’t see him.

Still, she was determined to have fun tonight, meeting up with Rue to see the latest Wonder Woman movie. Returning to the lab after lunch, Madge struggled to get through all the steps of the day’s protocol. After a hectic afternoon, Madge managed to be only a little late meeting Rue at a dive bar, just in time to take advantage of the cheap (and weak) happy hour specials before the movie. Madge barely even had time to look at her phone. They talked about the holidays - Rue’s shows were scheduled throughout so she would be in town working through all the holidays. She asked about Madge’s work. Madge started explaining her day, but gave up when she saw Rue’s blank look. They moved onto other topics before walking to the theater. The movie was entertaining, and they made vague promises of getting together again soon before each heading home.

Gale 1:03pm tomorrow should be ok I have a meeting til 5 then free

Madge 6:20pm Sounds good. I should be able to get off early tomorrow

Gale 6:41pm U up for morningside? Could eat nearby?

Madge 10:34pm ok Any ideas? Or just meet at subway stn?

Gale 10:39pm sure just meet 116th st subway @ 6?

Madge 10:50pm Soudns good ….so I just did the thing where I turned on the computer and started scanning the exact same feeds I’ve been looking at on my phone 😩😫

Gale 10:52pm 😆 home now?

Madge 10:54pm 👣🍿🎵

Gale 10:59pm long day?

Madge 11:04pm soo long It was hard But good, you know?

Gale 11:06pm you know i said day not date right? you didn’t send a going home with someone emoji

Madge smirked at her phone.

Madge 11:07pm You think if I were with long hard & good I would be on my phone?

Gale 11:08pm well good isn’t mindblowing so it depends if you want 🍆 or 💏

Madge 11:09pm It can’t be both? (Unless you’re accusing me of ethnic cleansing bc those people are weirdly yellow)

Gale 11:09pm ok you’re alone so want to explain what was long, hard, and good for you today? inquiring minds want to know 😉

Madge 11:10pm Just another busy day curing cancer ;-)

Gale 11:11pm I heard it’s more complicated than that

Madge 11:12pm Well that’s what makes it so hard

Gale 11:14pm lol, guess i have to give you that one sounds stimulating 😎

Madge 11:16pm So - how was your day?

Gale 11:17pm well not as long or hard as yours 😉

Madge 11:18pm Well It’s not about the length of your day but what you do with it ;-)

Gale 11:20pm 🙊 I’ll try to remember that looking forward to 2moro

Madge 11:21pm Me 2 :)

Gale 11:22pm 👍

Madge hesitated, typed, it’s a date, and told herself to press send. She wavered. She wanted him to say it was a date. Why couldn’t he say that? She knew he could see that she’d been typing. She deleted the words she’d written.

Madge 11:25pm my long day is catching up with me See you tomorrow

Gale 11:26pm goodnight Madge set down her phone and thought about what she would wear the next day. She took a shower, washed and dried her hair. She pulled on comfy flannel pajamas and laid down for bed. And laid there. Awake.

Madge 12:13am Hi

Thom 12:15am Yo

Madge 12:16am Seeing GH tomorrow

Thom 12:17am 👍🔥 r u 2 DTF

Madge 12:18am NO We’re not even dating

Thom 12:19am nedn fuck him then u’ll know

Madge 12:21am Can you be serious for one minute? We’re supposed to go to morningside park Is that a terrible idea?

Thom 12:22am u rly worried?

Madge 12:23am I barely know him and we’re going for a nighttime stroll in a strange park. If this were a horror movie I’d be saying how dumb I was

Thom 12:24am STOP UR NOT IN A MOVIE anw he’s mr consent 100% ggg

Madge laughed out loud at that - mostly at herself. She didn’t even know where that had come from but Thom as usual managed to calm her while bordering on TMI.

Madge 12:25am lol Sorry

Thom 12:26am npgf now go 2 bed b ;)

Tuesday morning she opted for a shorter workout than usual, allowing some extra time to prepare for that night. She could not even pretend she thought this was going to be casual. She was still a little annoyed at him, but having a little advance warning was better than none. She could at least pick out her outfit knowing she’d see him.

She wondered what would happen. She knew she could be in for a big disappointment, but she couldn’t help hope. As distracted as she was, work was helpful for keeping her occupied. She was still determined to get the labwork right. She managed to push most of the thoughts of Gale to the side as she peered into her microscope to observe her lab cultures.

They sent a few texts midday, not much more than confirming the night’s plans. Before she knew where the time had gone, it was 6pm and she was packed with a thousand other strangers on the train, protecting her small allotment of breathing room from the other jostling passengers, speeding towards … something. She came through the turnstiles and he was there. Leaning on the wall, head bent down toward his phone, his eyes were skimming the turnstiles. For her. Her heart beat a little faster. How long had it been? He looked good. He was clean shaven; he wore a beanie with a Knicks logo pulled down low over his head.

Was this happening? She ran her fingers through her hair and walked over. Gale smiled when he saw her and tucked his phone into a pocket. His “hi” was warm. Madge’s mind chased the question whether it was a friendly warm or something more. If she had been hoping for time to stop, it didn’t - their eyes met for a moment and then suddenly he was adjusting his scarf and leading her toward the subway exit far too quickly.

She had done a cursory web search to see what food was nearby. Maybe Gale had too, or maybe he just knew the neighborhood. As they left the station he said, “Well, there’s seafood, a beer garden, or middle eastern right on the corner. There’s other stuff nearby. What are you in the mood for?”

“How about middle eastern?” she suggested. “I haven’t had a good falafel in ages.” Madge had already checked out their website.

“Falafel?” From his dubious tone, she guessed it wasn’t what he’d expected her to choose.

“Is that okay?” She quirked up an eyebrow and looked at him. She had assumed he would be okay with his own list.

“Sure,” he agreed, seeming amused.

They quickly spotted the middle eastern cafe across the street, with a cute storefront. Gale took that extra stride as they approached the door and held it open for her. As he stepped through after her, Madge rubbed her hands in the warmth of the cafe.

They were led to a small table along the wall, and quickly shed their coats and scarves. They sat, Madge facing the inner restaurant and Gale facing the window, coats draped over chairs. Sitting across from each other, Gale asked Madge about her day. Whether real or imagined, the gleam in his eye led her thoughts directly to the long and hard convo … Shit, was he trying to be dirty or was it just her? It was going to be harder to keep her head clear with him right here in front of her. Madge saw the waiter coming to fill their water glasses and opened her menu as if to remind herself where they were. She was sure her cheeks flushed as she rambled something about her workday. When she asked about his day, Gale talked briefly about work, about working through bugs in their code, and a customer who kept changing their priorities.

The menu choices looked pretty standard by Madge’s experience. They decided to share the appetizer sampler which included hummus, baba ghanoush, grape leaves and the like. Madge added falafel; Gale picked chicken shawarma. It wasn’t long before they’d put in their order with the young waiter.

Soon after the drinks arrived Gale asked, “So when are you going home for Christmas?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah,” she said. “Not til next week, my flight is Tuesday. I hope the weather doesn’t mess up my flights or anything. I’m just going for a few days - visit my dad and see a few friends. You?”

Gale shook his head. “Still need to get tickets. I’m going, I just don’t know the details yet.”

“Really? Isn’t it kind of late for that?”

“Well, I’m just catching a train. I’ll figure it out this week.”

Madge shook her head, amazed at how cavalier he was about leaving Christmas travel details to the last minute. “What about work?” she asked. As odd as it seemed, he had to know what he was doing; unlike her, he had done this before. He had lived here a lot longer than her.

“I took some time off,” he shrugged. “And i can work remotely if i need to.”

“Must be nice,” she answered.

Talking about Christmas plans led to talking about family. Gale talked about his more than she expected - two college aged brothers she had trouble keeping straight, and a twelve year old sister. He seemed extremely protective and fond of them. The waiter came and went, bringing appetizers and main courses. Gale asked about her family and hometown, things she usually didn’t talk much about.

She told him about her dad’s obsession with British crime dramas. ”We always watch a few when I’m home, except half the time he falls asleep in the middle, so I don’t know what the point is,” she laughed.

One side of Gale’s mouth twisted up in a half smile and their gazes held. “What do you do if he falls asleep?” He popped the last stuffed grape leaf into his mouth.

Madge shrugged. “I still watch it. I mean, by then I’m usually hooked anyway.”

“Are you sure he’s the one who’s obsessed?” he asked with a smirk.

They dawdled over the last crumbs on their plates until Madge asked the passing waiter for the bill. Turning back to Gale she asked, “So how far is Morningside from here?”

“A couple blocks. But we don’t have to go tonight,” Gale hedged.

“No I want to,” Madge countered. “I mean, that was the plan right? And a walk would be nice.”

“Okay, then,” Gale agreed, but he didn’t seem as enthusiastic as Madge had expected. A little doubt worried her thoughts.

After Madge paid the bill, they pulled their coats on and headed for the street. “Thanks for dinner,” Gale said.

“Well I did owe you,” she answered. “But you’re welcome.”

Outside the sky was that strange shade of purple caused by orange city lights reflecting off the dark clouds overhead. The streetlights lit their way down 116th street to the park. Madge shivered against the cold and pulled her gloves on as they walked.

“We could do the park another time,” Gale offered. “If it’s too cold.”

“Shut up,” Madge said, eyeing the darkness ahead of them. “I’ll be fine once we’re walking.”

Other than her toes, because her boots that could both look good and can handle walking were not well insulated, and her nose, she did warm quickly. She kept her hands in her pockets,mostly because Gale’s hands were in his pockets. Now that they were on their way, Gale seemed relaxed.

As they approached the park, Madge’s uncertainty grew. She felt her awareness of the dark shadows ramping up and her heartbeat picking up the pace.

“Do you do this a lot?” she asked.

“No,” he admitted with a grin. A jogger with a dog passed by.

“I’m all for trying new things but are you sure this is safe? Because it seems kinda crazy. And I would really like to not wake up dead in a ditch somewhere tomorrow.”

“Trust me, we’ll be fine,” he shrugged off her concern. “Give it a chance and if you want to leave, just say so and we’ll leave. Buddy system, remember?” On her own, Madge thought the buddy system sounded awfully platonic, but somehow he made it sound flirtatious.

“Right,” she said.

There weren’t many people around, just a few figures here and there who all appeared to be on their way somewhere. Gale headed to the left when they entered the park. There were street lamps here and there providing pools of light enough to follow the path easily. You could see the buildings on either side of the park, the ones to the west towering over them from the top of a steep and tree-covered hillside. They walked together past the dog run where a few stragglers were still chasing each other. Their owners stood off to one side, chatting to pass the time while watching the dogs. Gale raised an arm in a friendly gesture; one of the dog walkers reciprocated. When they reached a fork in the path, they turned further into the park and north again.

Other than being dark off the path, the park seemed fairly innocuous. Madge’s nerves began to calm down. “So is this your favorite park?” she asked.

Gale shook his head. “Nah. It’s too small. But I like it. It feels homey.”

“Homey?” Madge was dubious.

“Well, yeah. You’ve got playgrounds and b-ball hoops, baseball fields, the dog walk. You’ll have to see it in the daylight sometime,” Gale said.

Madge pursed her lips, annoyed.

Gale must have realized it. “Sorry I bailed on Saturday,” he said quietly.

“Uh-huh,” Madge replied, noncommittal. The silence stretched between them as she debated whether to ask more. Her mouth was dry. “So … what happened?”

With a rueful sigh Gale answered, “um, well. It’s not a good story. My roommate Jimmy had stomach flu last week. As in, literally immediately after we talked about getting together, he starts puking his guts out. And doesn’t stop. I was kind of hoping it was just food poisoning or something. But then it hit Carlo on Saturday morning. I figured I was next.”

“Oh,” Madge said, wrinkling her nose and, to be honest, trying not to laugh.

“It wasn’t pretty,” he added. “I basically spent the weekend watching sports in my room and cleaning everything in the apartment. I figured if we came Saturday I’d ruin it by getting sick. Or something. It didn’t matter - I never got sick, but still - guess I got lucky. They’re both fine now, anyway.”

“Oh, that’s good,” she agreed. “So ... um. Why didn’t you say so?”

“Sorry,” he sighed. “It’s not exactly, you know, a pleasant image. I was going to email you … but I don’t have your email. So that plan kinda fell apart.”

“Oh,” she said. “Well I’m glad you’re okay. And at least we’re here now.” She was mostly relieved that it was a decent reason. Still, if she had only known, the last few days would have been easier, at least. But, complaining now seemed silly -she felt immature, and didn’t want him to know she’d felt so insecure and jealous over it. She had no right to feel those things.

“Yeah, we are,” Gale agreed, his mouth curving into a smile as he looked back at her - she hadn’t even realized she’d slowed down. He reached out a hand to her. “C’mon, then.” She took it, feeling his heat through the fingers of her gloves.

Up ahead there was water on their left, between the hillside - no, the cliff - and the path. Madge eyed the water as they walked. She joked, “My roommate knows where I am and who I’m with. So, you know, you can forget about any plans you had to slash my throat and toss my body in the water.” The cliff face across the water looked imposing in the dark, a hulking shadow.

“What?” Gale shook his head. “Wow that would make me the worst buddy ever.”

“I’m just saying, logically, it’s a bad idea,” she argued, trying to sound matter of fact.

“Oh, thanks,” Gale answered. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? I think you’ve been watching too many crime dramas with your dad. And come on, Slash your throat? Seems unnecessarily messy.”

She laughed.

“Besides this is no place to dump a body. It’s not THAT remote,” he scoffed.

“Oh, thanks, that’s comforting,” she answered, still laughing.

“Well when you said you were afraid to go in city parks alone in the dark I had no idea you would accuse me of being a knife-wielding maniac.”

“I never said maniac,” she protested.

“It was implied. If you can’t trust your buddy who can you trust?”

“I trust you,” She grumbled. “But -”

“But what?”

“You want to talk about implications, how about this? What are the implications of me being alone with you in a strange park at night. I want to see the park and I’m sure it’s great but it’s really not why I’m here. If you want to be buddies that’s fine, but -”

He cut her off, saying, “I thought it would be romantic.”

“What?”

“The park. I thought it would be romantic. A walk through the park, moonlight, holding hands.“

Madge stepped in close. She tilted her face to his and kissed him. Her lips moved against his, soft and slow. He responded, and she felt his arms wrap around her.

She smiled against his lips.

“Romantic, huh?”

#gadge #nyc-verse #my-fanfic #my fanfic #gadge fanfic

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suckitsurveys · 7 years

Text

Amazingly new questions, you ready? I seriously doubt that.

What is something that is bothering you right now? See?

Will you be in a relationship one month from now? Again. Yes I will.

Who was the last person to see you cry? My sister. They were happy tears. I got all choked up my niece’s first school pictures because they caught me off guard. She’s so fucking gorgeous.

Do you drink bottled water? Sure.

What was the last thing you drank? Water.

Do you hate the last person who called you? I don’t even remember who that was.

Where is your best friend right now? They are probably all at work. Randal might be off already; he works the night shift.

Do you believe in love? I do.

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? It’s cold.

If you’re being extremely quiet, what does that mean? I’m not talking.

Last person of the opposite sex you texted single? Nope. We are married.

Tell me about the shirt you’re wearing: It’s a shirt with the school I work for’s logo on it.

How long have you lived in your current home? Exactly one year yesterday.

You never know what you have until it’s gone. True or false? It can be true in some cases, sure.

Are you sad when someone says they hate you? Depends on the person.

Are you scared of losing the person you like to someone else? No.

Will you be in bed in the next 20 minutes? I wish. I am SO sleepy.

Do you laugh at inappropriate times? Sometimes.

What time did you wake up today? 5:40am.

Would you rather be single all your life or grow old with someone? Grow old with someone.

How many bracelets do you have on right now? One, and a hair tie if that counts.

How long have you liked the person you like right now? 8 years.

Is there someone of the opposite sex you can talk to? Yes.

Do you like mac n cheese? Of course.

Do you get mad when people don’t text back? If it’s something urgent yeah.

What does your phone do when it receives a text? It’s usually on silent, but a little message icon pops up on my home screen and an LED light will flash green.

How late did you stay up til last night and why? Until 1am because we got to my dad’s late.

Are you going out of town soon? Yes, in a week.

Think back to Februrary, how was your love life? It’s February right now.

Will you regret your next kiss? Nope.

What is in your pocket? Nothing.

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night? Several times.

Are you happier now or 5 months ago? Probably 5 months ago because it was still warm and there was no snow.

Are you usually wide awake when you wake up? Yes and no?

Can you remember the last person you texted without looking? My sister.

Can you sleep without blankets covering you? Nope.

Do you listen to music everyday? In one way or another.

How long have you known your first phone contact? Since high school. Not even sure if that’s still her number though, haha.

Who are all your texts in your inbox from? People who sent me texts.

Do you have a hard time making decisions? Depends.

Are you gonna be home alone tonight? Nope.

What are you looking forward to? SUSHI TONIGHT! And Wisconsin next week!!!!!

Are you a morning or night person? Night.

Are you excited for this weekend? The only two things I have planned are getting a mani/pedi and taking my neighbor and her dog to their puppy class because her husband has to work.

What are you wearing on your feet? Boots.

If there was a large spider in your room, would you stay in the room? Yeah.

What is the last thing you touched, other than your computer? My bracelet, to fix it.

When was the last time you talked to your best friend? Yesterday.

Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? Nope.

Are you a social or anti-social person? Both.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone? Right now.

Where were you last night at 8 PM? My house.

What color is your cell phone? Purpley-grey.

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you drank? Water.

Your last received text, would you kiss them? Not romantically, that’s my sister.

Have you told anybody you loved them and meant it? Yup.

Are you in a good mood? Yeah, I’m pretty content.

What were you doing an hour ago? Working.

Is there anyone that could make your day if they showed up at your house? Well, no one is there right now so no one would let her in, haha.

Does your middle name begin with an A, M, or S? An M.

How old was the last person you rode in a car with? 33.

What color was the last vehicle you were in? Grey.

Do you have plans for next weekend? I already said what I was going.

What was the last movie you saw in theaters and who did you go with? My dad and I saw the Oscar Nominated Animated Shorts yesterday.

How old were you in 1999? 9 until September.

Are you taller than 5'6"? Nope.

Who were the last three people to call you? I have no idea. Bill collectors, probably.

What were you doing last night at 10pm? Addressing Valentines to send to my friends.

If you turn around, what is behind you? My coworker’s desk.

Would you dye your hair hot pink for $50? I’d do it for free, it;s been pink before.

Do you have any step or half siblings? Nope.

What color is your underwear? Black.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? A campus store.

Who was the last person to hug you? My husband.

Who is on your mind right now? ^ since I just mentioned him.

In how many years will you be thirty? I turn 30 next year.

What are your plans after this? More surveys.

Are you currently barefoot? Nope.

What’s the dumbest thing you have ever said? Dude.

You can never drink tea again or soda. Which do you give up? Shit. I don‘t drink a lot of soda anymore but I love my root beer so that would be tough.

Last time you drank coffee? Friday night.

Do you listen to screamo? Nope.

In what month were you born? September.

Do you take vitamins daily? Yes.

Who is your 9th contact in your phone? I don’t feel like looking.

How many programs are running on your computer now? Four.

What’s the first icon on your desktop? The start menu?

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? Working.

How old is the cellphone you have right now? Less than a year old.

Do you get pissed off when your computer freezes? It’s irritating, yes.

What’s the last thing you laughed at? My coworker.

What’s one thing you hate about your best friend? How far away she is.

Where is your dad right now? Working.

#surveys

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steamishot · 5 years

Text

End of August

My work out routine and relationship kinda both took hits this past week as I’m PMSing. I’ve been feeling more fatigued and therefore haven’t been in the mood to work out (as I read my old post it sounds like I was so enthusiastic). Instead of using dumbbells, I recently did more cardio and did dance workouts which are actually quite fun. It forces me to move my body quickly and tests my range of motions.

Work has been dead, I feel less productive and bored. I like the work that I do, I just don’t like the confinement of office job. I listened to a podcast about bullshit jobs recently- jobs that if the employee suddenly disappears the next day, there wouldn’t be a difference. Apparently a lot of office workers and corporate lawyers feel this way. Our system has grown to be more extensive and complicated, to create unnecessary jobs for our population and to make seemingly easy tasks harder to reach so there could be a middleman (new job). I feel like my job is only important during some seasons of the year. Also discussed in the podcast is how there’s uncertainty in employees to be open about the amount of free time to colleagues and superiors. I don’t talk about what I actually do (or don’t do) at work to most people, just my close work friends. There’s also that struggle of needing to “look busy” without actually dedicating time to what you would actually be doing if no one was around. More exciting things at work to look forward to are: tomorrow’s meeting about resident union agreement, and program coordinators retreat.

A stranger messaged me yesterday on LinkedIn because she saw that I completed a UX/UI course at UCLA and she wanted to get my opinions on it. I stalked her profile and saw that she graduated college a year after I did, and has been in a similar Admin Assistant path while dabbling in other fields. And similar to me, she reached out to a few people and researched as much as she could to see if the class would be worth it and prepare her for a career change. I told her simply, you get what you put into it. During the time my course ended was the time I was learning a lot of new things at work. I ended up choosing HR. Now that It’s slowing down, I’m getting back to UX/UI and coding. I looked at some of my classmates’ LinkedIn profiles to see where they’re at. I think 2 or 3 have good UX/UI related jobs now. The other ones who I thought were more skilled, are still doing freelance. So then I thought, it’s the ones who are good looking and are confident who get ahead, and the whole “fake it til you make it” is real. After being in slow paced office jobs for most of my working career, I definitely feel like I don’t belong with real professionals. I realize that the less productive I feel at work, the less competent, intelligent and skilled I also feel. At this point, I’m almost scared of productivity and contribution in a career because of how different it is.

This led me to listen to an ABG podcast about imposter syndrome, both in professional and personal lives. The hosts are three yuppie Asian American females in high/high-ish paying jobs. One of them is actually in UX/UI as well. They noted that at least 75% of people experience this, and it’s more common or felt more heavily in females. I think Asians who also grow up with the notion of never being enough or always having to improve are also prone to this. They also tied imposter syndrome to dating life, as one of the girls mentioned she questioned why this well sought after guy back in college wanted to date her. She also spoke about struggles of not being as gorgeous as other girls so she makes up for it by doing well in her career and in personality and hanging out with other smart and attractive women. One new term I learned was cheerleader effect/group attractiveness effect, meaning if you are in a group of attractive girls, you’re most likely regarded as attractive too (until they single you out and see that you’re actually not as hot LOL).

I’ve also been listening to hey bitch podcast by the girls from the JK family. They’re more crude and funnier and talk about things without filters- which reminds me of how the ladies at my workplace can be. It’s nice because I feel like I have a funny and empowering group of female friends to accompany me on my drive home to work/home. Their perspectives are also drastically different as they come from various backgrounds, so I enjoy that as well- instead of listening to just other Asian girls talk lol.

So, I’m okay at HTML and CSS for the most part. I recently started watching ilovecoding videos by this guy named Aziz. So far he’s been really great at explaining concepts and the bigger picture of how to even begin/which field to concentrate on. He emphasized that JS can be applied to multiple fields to I thought I should start there. I bought a JS book to learn on my own, which will be arriving today. I bought an iMac that will also be arriving today, since I don’t like coding on my 13 inch laptop.

It took a weekend and a fight on each day (Fri-Sun) to get here, but Matt and I finally booked our flights for our November trip. We decided on London (4 nights) and Amsterdam (2 nights). Again, that combination of me PMSing and him being stressed out is not good. However, he’s becoming more and more stressed out than he was as he has a test this week and a bigger all day test next week for which he hasn’t really studied for. He became really moody and “bipolar” at times. He took his stress out on me when things didn’t go his way. We both felt that we do more for the relationship than the other. He talked about it in relative terms because the amount of effort he puts in given his schedule/lack of time and energy is tenfold. However, he admits that in absolute terms, I probably do more. We also take each other for granted in ways we don’t really know about. He tends to initiate more (calls, facetime), drive the conversation more, introduce crazy, future-oriented ideas like moving in together and overseas traveling. I think if a car symbolized our relationship, he handles the wheel, and I keep the engine going. On Friday night after our talk, he didn’t text me to tell me goodnight which he always does (via phone or text). I realized then that these little things (keeping me up to date when he gets off work, going home, going to sleep, etc) are thought and care on his part that I take for granted.

I also realized that he doesn’t talk to anybody the way he talks to me. He only texts his friends back at home sometimes, and only talks to family about practical things. He doesn’t hang out with anyone outside of the hospital. Literally. So I think at least 60-70% of his socializing (outside of professional interaction) is with me. I think it’s reached a point of concern because he doesn’t really have a way to destress with other humans (or by himself) and I have to end up eating his stress. And it can’t be all on me, as I can’t offer that much over the phone either. We’re here to navigate residency together. He’s currently 2 months in. His dad said simply “don’t worry, you’ll get adjusted in 6 months”. Even with residency application related things, he asks me for help. For example, headshots and requesting letters of recommendations. I can look online for advice and try my best to help, but I’m also thinking like “you’re asking the wrong person”. Luckily, I email with a lot of residents/doctors at my job so I have an idea of what they’re like. Too easily, I would be like, “why don’t you ask your co-resident/doctor friends?”, to which he says “oh yeah” but doesn’t actually do I think because he respects their time and thinks asking them for help will be a nuisance (which may be true).

September will be a busy month for fun. Upcoming events include:

- Mammoth Lakes/Yosemite

- Hearst Castle family trip

- Cambodia town film festival

- Paint night at a friend’s place

- New York

- Alive & Running 5k

- Jimmy O’Yang stand up comedy show

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theinkstainsblog · 7 years

Note

2, 11, and 15, please, for the identity asks?

Thanks for sending these lovely xx These are some great ones.

2: have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?

To be honest, I don’t think I really have. I mean I’ve certainly seen parts of me mirrored in various books and ideas, but I think the beauty of writing is it is putting our own thoughts on paper - and every writer’s voice can be so unique even when writing the same tired old stories, we’re always bringing new experiences and new flavour with us.

11: describe your ideal day.

You mean like realistically how I would like today to go or my dream day? I’ll answer for how I’d like today to go, then I can do positive thinking and see how much of it I manage.

How I’d like today to go:

- I get up, now, it’s 6:30 am. I get dressed, brush my hair.

- I grab a bowl of cereal and while I’m eating I draft a new blog post to put up on my Wordpress later

- At about 7:30 am I brush my teeth, put shoes on, that kind of thing.

- Hop on my bike. It’s about five miles to work which is fine but its mostly up hill. I will hate it while I’m doing it. That’s okay, I’ll be glad I did it later.

- Get to work for 9:00am. Use my awesome ID thing to scan myself in at the door (I still feel like a spy doing that I’m such a child).

- Say good morning to everyone, make a cup of tea, settle down.

- Do some testing. Find some cool problems with the software. Confuse the poor developers with the problems. Poor developers.

- Break at like 1:00 pm for lunch. I get half an hour lunch break which is the perfect time to sit down and work on my novel while I eat. Try to maintain a good balance between writing and chatting to my co-workers (who are all lovely) so as not to appear standoffish. Probably fail.

- Back to testing for the afternoon. Should all go smoothly from here. Unless the devs decide they want to get their nerf guns out or something that’s usually interesting.

- 5:00pm. Cycle home again. Somehow magically avoid traffic so I can actually enjoy the downhills. Hate the uphills that there are because while there are a couple less, its not enough to make it worth it (Bath is all hill my guys. Up, down, up, down, up, down).

- Get home for 6/6:30 pm. Kinda collapse for a minute. Probably read some more of The Raven Boys.

- Have dinner about 7:30pm. Hopefully something nice, like some good pasta puttanesca or something.

- Have a quick bath, nice and hot. Read while I’m in there because I’m a risk-takerTM.

- Get out, its probably about 9:00pm. Finish off that blog post and put it up because this time of night my dash is busiest.

- Do a self-compassion exercise for about fifteen minutes. It’ll feel a little emotionally draining but having been doing them for a month, I can start to feel how much its helping my outlook on things, which is improving my anxiety a lot so I know it’s worth it.

- Stay up til I feel tired somewhere between 10 and 12 pm. Try to get some more of my novel done during this time.

- Chat to my boyfriend online before bed, we can’t see each other much at the moment because he works weekend shifts and I work Monday to Friday. Tell him I love him and hopefully feel loved and wanted back.

- Go to bed smiling because of it.

15: five most influential books over your lifetime.

Okay well:

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone by JK Rowling - as a kid, like a lot of you I’m sure, Harry Potter is the series that most influenced me. It’s the series that made me fall in love with the fantasy genre and magic and storytelling (although as a kid I told them out loud and acted them out with friends as this massive ongoing saga that for a while I fully believed in the way only a child can).

Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman - Gaiman has been so so influential to me as a young fantasy writer, and this was the first book of his that I read. I actually saw a video of his Make Good Art speech before I read this, my dad sent me a link. And watching that, I thought yeah, those are the changes I need to make - stop trying to be like other authors and just be me. Then I picked up Neverwhere (my boyfriend saw it and remembered me going on and on about this Mr. Gaiman who had so inspired me, so he bought it for me - poor boyfriend ends up buying a lot of books, bless his heart) and just, you know that feeling when you’re reading exactly the right book at exactly the right time? It was that. It made me feel hopeful again and reminded me that there is magic in the world - we just can’t always see it.

Our Own Private Universe by Robin Talley - Probably the only thing I’ll put on here that isn’t fantasy but hey ho. This book is another one that I read exactly when I needed it, actually only a couple of months ago for Pride. I’d been feeling really insecure in my sexuality and then I saw that this was a f/f romance with the main character/POV character being a bi girl… and I knew I needed it. I felt so validated and recognised and most apologised and most importantly not alone in how I felt after reading this. And that is why I will scream from the rooftops about how important representation is, all the damn time.

The View From The Cheap Seats by Neil Gaiman - Oops I lied this one isn’t fantasy either, its a collection of essays (how many times can I put Neil Gaiman on this list? As many as I want!). Reading this book was incredible. It’s a compilation of reviews and essays and thoughts and it’s just fantastic, honestly. It reminded me of so much of why I love fantasy and sci-fi, it reminded me of the things i am aiming for in life and with my writing. But more than that, it gave me access to more incredible things. Now I know that no matter how I’m feeling, if I need something new I can go back to that book and there will be a book, or some obscure fantasy novel, or a song, or a band, or a comic book or a museum or even a painting that someone felt was important enough to share. And I can read or listen to or visit these places, and capture some essence of that feeling, in my own personal way (seriously if you feel like art is an important part of being human, read The View From The Cheap Seats. Actually read it even if you don’t, it might change your mind).

I’m going to stop at four because I can’t think of a fifth and honestly, I don’t want to put any books on here that didn’t speak to me in this way - I probably just haven’t lived long enough to come across another one yet. But some close contenders are the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett, It by Stephen King, and The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood.

#perfect day #neil gaiman #inspirational books

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deehollowaywrites · 7 years

Text

run for the Roses

The horse nerds descend on Louisville.

Fillies & Lilies Ball, Equine Foundation. Friday, May 7, 9:06PM.

“You’re smirking,” Adair said, and raised her glass to me, a half-joking salute. The pinot noir inside just about matched her burgundy gown, both shades of red working a marvel on her deep brown skin. She glanced around the airy, open space of the Equine Foundation’s first floor, gaze traveling over all of her colleagues and a fair chunk of mine. “That’s the stabbing smirk, so who’s about to get murdered? Let me guess. Connelly?”

“Marty Connelly done got murdered,” I said. “If you’ll recall race four this afternoon.” I sipped my own cocktail, some overdone themed concoction with way too much pineapple juice and not enough Myers, and slipped my arm through hers. “Just perusing the competition.”

“Do you have competition?” another voice interjected, and part of that competition materialized, Tallis Ansah packing a gin and tonic and a huge grin. She was even shorter than me, all freckled brown skin and drastic biceps, but her afro and platform creepers added a couple of inches. “Like, come on, Felix. This far in, you don’t have to be modest.”

“At any rate,” Adair observed, “the competition or otherwise only matters on the track, right, babe?”

“You know that’s not right.” I nodded to where a couple of jocks imported from California for the big country doin’s were making mistakes at the bar. “McClintock’s on his third beer. Think he’ll be fit to ride tomorrow? I wouldn’t bet on him.”

“You should try to relax,” Adair told the top of my head, her lips teasing loose strands of hair. I leaned into her arm, the warmth of her beneath the silky fabric of her dress. It was tempting, the idea of booking it out of here early with her--stealing my mother’s limo and convincing the driver to take us all the way home to Lexington. “You can’t ride a race ‘til you’re on the horse. Have another drink.”

“Not in the slightest.” That was more responsible than I felt like being, but my head--not to mention my uncle--would thank me tomorrow. “Tallis, what do you think?”

“About?” she piped. The gin in her glass didn’t seem to have budged. Now that I thought about it, she didn’t drink much at all, and maybe she was toting the highball around for show. The younger generation was turning out so low-key it grated. “I don’t think about Kelly McClintock if I don’t have to, you know, he’s not really on my radar. California’s whatever. How many jocks even ride Santa Anita? You know? Like you hear the Pacific Classic just got run and it’s like, who’s the jock, but then you remember there’s McClintock and, like--”

The soft curve of Adair’s side quivered beneath my hand. Tallis was a hoot once you got her going, and that was easy to do. This was her second time going under the Spires on the first Saturday in May and she seemed as excited as she had the year before, just as excited and even more shredded than the last time I’d seen her--a month ago in Miami, flexing all the big-name runners like her livelihood depended on it, which it did. I was glad to have her in Louisville; her penchant for zoot-suit formalwear and unapologetic lady-killing game took some of the heat off me.

“Your odds,” I said, and snickered when McClintock swerved away from the bar, his arm around one of the Louisville bug girls’ shoulders. We weren’t even at the edgy shindig--Fillies and Lilies was strictly for the fascinator crowd, all class and upper-crust at the Equine Foundation’s annual Derby fundraiser--but California jocks could always be counted on to find the party. “How you like ‘em?”

“Odds,” Tallis repeated, her attention on something across the room. I squinted past my parents with a couple of Ohio breeders and Adair’s boss talking to a Lexington news anchor. There was the Hills’ New York trainer, Gwen Taylor… and her daughter. Adair pinched my hip, so I knew we’d had the same thought. Tallis laughed suddenly and stared into her gin. “I like them. I don’t even think about them. If anybody should be thinking about their odds, like, it’s my chill-free homeboy, you know?”

She had a point. No one had expected the second of my uncle’s two Derby runners to turn up with eight-to-five, not a piece of pace-setting speed like Suitcase City. The other of Jimmy’s options--my mount--had followed the more usual trajectory of wow in the autumn, act up in the winter, return to form in the spring. I wasn’t worried… except Joel Canseco knew how to work speed, maybe even better than I did, and Suitcase City’s Arkansas Derby win had rewritten the leaderboard barely two weeks before the main event.

Canseco and Ben Goldfarb were draped across a couple of barstools, nothing between them but tuxes and Miami tans. I was pretty sure they hadn’t looked at anyone but each other since walking in.

“You run with those beach babies,” I said to Tallis, and choked down the rest of my drink. It tasted like a dental bill. “Tell Goldfarb to keep his boyfriend in line.”

Tallis cackled, laughing so hard curls bounced from beneath her porkpie hat and tumbled across her forehead. “Man, I can’t tell Benny shit. Not since he won his Eclipse last year, I mean, talk about high-and-mighty, you’d think nobody ever won one before.” She paused, grinning, her eyes on Jessa Taylor again. “And nobody tells Joelito shit.”

I considered that. Adair’s hand on my hip was getting distracting, and the air in the museum was getting stuffy, and I kind of wanted to be out of there. To be smoking on the patio, maybe, or jammed against a cab’s backseat with Adair’s fingers on my thigh. Somewhere I could mull over the next day and chill, get away from my family, reassure Adair that yes, this was the last one, after this year it was training and none of the hairy stuff, more reliable money, less bodily damage.

“Tallis, where’s your agent?”

Her expression went sideways. “What?”

“Where’s Eddy? If anyone’s gonna remind Canseco not to get ahead of himself--”

“I’m not sure,” she said, totally shifty. “I feel like he went to the bathroom? But that was a while ago. I think he said maybe--like, it’s his job to keep an eye on me, you know, not the other way around. I am not my agent’s keeper.”

“I don’t see Phil either,” Adair said serenely. She smiled at Tallis and then at me, the dimple beneath her mouth deepening. “Don’t look for divine intervention tonight, Felix.”

“You know,” Tallis said, “it’s like, they never go out by themselves. They always got Maribel with them, so I mean…”

“Those two and bathrooms.” I snorted. Parenthood hadn’t cramped Eddy’s style in any meaningful way. “Well, whatever. You don’t need to hang out with the boring olds, Tallis. Go talk to your girl.”

Tallis looked at me, and then at Adair, and her mouth opened like she was going to deny that the only thing she’d noticed all night was Gwen Taylor’s daughter in that outrageous V-neck mini-dress, and then she was gone so fast there might as well have been a cloud of cartoon dust behind her.

Adair’s chuckle pressed her rack more firmly into my shoulder, not that I had any complaints. She gazed down at me, her head angled against the overhead lights so that it looked like she wore a halo atop her buzz cut. “I can’t blame her. Or Eddy and Phil. Tallis is right--Mari’s such a handful now, they have to grab it while they can.” The hand on my hip slid sideways, light and teasing across the low back of my dress, and I shivered despite the overheated room. “Maybe I should grab you while I can.”

Maybe she should. Maybe her brand of Derby luck was exactly what the night called for, and maybe I didn’t give a shit if my mother wanted me to stick around and make nice a little longer. Maybe twenty-nine was too old to hook up in bathrooms or cars, and maybe our bed was calling my name more loudly than any of the press or trainers or track stewards in the museum tonight.

I turned into her arms, my voice coming out muffled against her throat. “You can always grab me.” She made a little questioning noise, and I nodded. “Here or there or everywhere. Long Island. Saratoga. Lexington.”

“Lexington,” she murmured, and I felt her smile, her lips on my forehead. She knew what I meant--she believed me when I said it was time--and right now I believed it too. Whether or not there were roses waiting for me tomorrow, Adair was waiting and had been, and soon it would be time to go home.

Jockeys’ room, Churchill Downs. Saturday, May 8, 3:15PM.

James Hamilton, Junior was the kind of southern white boy who thought he had swagger but was actually a barrel of nerve endings when you got down to brass tacks. He’d come and talked to me about Sacredheart about four times since we’d jogged the colt yesterday morning, even though there were still three hours ‘til the Derby ran. Around the third grilling, I decided it wasn’t the colt he was worried about. It was me.

“It’s like he doesn’t like me, but how could he not? Everyone likes me.” Joel blinked as though my logic was unconvincing. “If he didn’t, shit, he’s got the entire eastern seaboard’s worth of jockeys to choose from.”

“If it makes you feel better, I know his dad doesn’t like me,” Joel said, which was flat-out the stupidest thing I’d heard all week, and you heard a lot of dumb shit in Kentucky during Derby season. “I don’t know why you care whether trainers like you. What matters is that they ride you.”

His logic, like always, was impeccable.

He patted my knee carefully--I’d strained something or other last weekend at Keeneland--and nodded past me. “Guess it runs in the family. If I didn’t know better I’d think Hamilton was eyefucking me.”

I glanced over my shoulder to see Felix Hamilton staring at both of us from beneath her tangle of blond hair. She and I were vying for moptop supreme today, her bangs like straw and my curls frizzing in the heat. When I blew her a kiss, she grinned and flipped me off. I looked at Joel again, sticking my tongue out. “How do you know she isn’t?”

“Sure.” His dark eyes got the extra-serious squint they made when he was about to laugh. “She’s too old for me.”

“May-December never killed anyone.” I bumped my good knee against his. “Or is there another issue?”

“I have to go,” he said, his voice quiet beneath the rumble of the jocks’ room. Somewhere someone was singing the University of Kentucky fight song, and someone else had just dropped a rack of weights. He sat there for another minute, his hand on my leg and his gaze somewhere around my mouth, and I wished we had time--to go make out in the hall between the lockers and the clerk of scales, to go over our books together, to just sit. I was always wishing for time lately.

“I know you do,” I said. “Every fuckin’ race, child. Aren’t you perfect?”

“Yep,” Joel said, smiling a little, and then he was gone, leaving me with a view of his legs in pristine white breeches and the stretch of muscle in his shoulders as he pulled on a set of Long Hills silks. Before I could get comfortable watching him, someone grabbed the chair he’d vacated.

“Benny. How’s your boy?”

I batted my eyes at Eddy Ramón, more out of habit than anything else, but Joel and I had agreed that fatherhood suited him spectacularly. We were waiting with bated breath for the day he finally turned into a silver fox. “How is he? He’s fine. He’s great. Look at him, he’s never been happier.”

We looked at Joel, now talking to his agent and one of Gwen Taylor’s assistants. Bits of fast Spanish floated in and out of my ears. Eddy propped his feet on the bench across from us and switched his glance to me. “Claro. How are you?”

“I was made for this,” I said. “What, are you my guru? Go hype up your own jock.”

“Tallis has been here before,” he said, scratching at his beard. “You two ain’t.”

I wanted to keep sassing him, but he wasn’t wrong. Sure, between the two of us Joel and I had won over a thousand races, but none of them was this race. The Kentucky Derby was a race in function only. Everything else about it was singular, a horse-headed hydra wearing the finest millinery and drunk off its ass. I had never encountered this many fans in one place, or the amount of money being wagered, or the fervency with which people online promised to tear me a new asshole if I didn’t ride their preferred horse the way they wanted.

“Fine. You want to soothe my poor nerves, tell me what the hell’s up with your cousin.”

“My cousin,” Eddy repeated, and then chuckled when I pointed to the simulcast screens, where James Hamilton was talking with his assistant. “Jamie’s not blood.”

“You’re all basically related,” I said, restraining a mean crack about bluegrass breeding. “This week’s been fine and now he’s jumpy? He keeps telling me the track’s playing fast. Everyone on the planet knows the track is playing fast. The only thing Bob Costas knows is the track is playing fast.”

Eddy watched me calmly, arms folded across his chest. Every time I saw him he seemed to have another tattoo, the brown skin of his arms disappearing under colorful ink. I looked at Joel again, sudden homesickness wrenching my stomach. He’d kept mentioning tattoos lately, that he wanted one but didn’t know what, and all I wanted right then was to be home in Miami with him, figuring it out. Maybe we’d go see my friend Dario’s new boyfriend at the ink shop in Wynwood. Maybe I’d tease Joel into getting my name in a heart on his bicep.

“It might be that,” Eddy said, and inclined his head when I glared at him. “I don’t mean that, chico. I mean the two of you riding against each other--I never had to deal with that and Felix hated it, but you two.” He studied me for a minute, and when he spoke again his voice was lower, serious. “Sometimes people get ideas, ya sabes, they wonder about your edge.”

“It’s the Kentucky Derby,” I said. “My granny could be out there riding to beat me, blessed be her memory, and I’d pull every trick in the book to win.”

“Jamie don’t need a reason to be jumpy. I’m just providing one you might’ve encountered before.”

“You’re lucky you’re pretty.” It struck me funny sometimes, that I could talk to him like that--him, still one of the most talented riders in US history. But the past couple of years Joel and I had been traveling, and travel was the great equalizer, as far as racing went. You met everyone, every one of your heroes still alive, and sometimes they turned into friends. “Man, how many more times do we have to prove we’re all in?”

Eddy smiled. “It’s racing, Ben. You never stop proving it.”

He wasn’t wrong about that, either. Him and Joel, the two people other than my dad most likely to be on-point at all times. I got up and rummaged in my locker for deodorant. It was almost time to suit up for my next ride. “You sure are getting wise in your old age.”

“Good to hear someone thinks so,” he said. His smile went to the door, where Tallis was leaving with her gear for the scales. “All the women in my life like to remind me of my foolishness on the regular.”

I thought about that, about him and his wife at the Equine Foundation’s party the night before, about how Iona Hamilton still fawned over him, how Felix talked about him like he’d been the first person to ever win a horse race and the text Tallis had sent me when she’d landed Eddy’s book-hustling skills. “Please. You could walk up to Gwen Taylor right now and tell her you wanted a mount and she’d roll out a red carpet.” I kicked his ankle. “You’d probably even weigh in ok.”

He patted his stomach, which still looked plenty flat to me. “I’ll stick to handing out fortune cookies, thanks.”

“Better for all of us,” I said, my voice muffled through fabric as I pulled on my Three Creeks silks. “A Derby without you in it’s a Derby the rest of us have a shot at winning.”

“Go ride,” Eddy said, face straight. “Don’t take any lip off James. Also, in case you didn’t notice, the track’s playing fast.”

I heard him laugh as I went to grab my saddle, but I was grinning too. It was Derby Day and it was the Downs and Joel was out there winning a race right now according to the TV screens, and in three hours either of us might be winning, but the important thing was that we were doing it together. This, all of it, everything we’d ever wanted, and the rest of the industry--the Hamiltons or anyone else--could do with that whatever they wanted.

Main track, Churchill Downs. Saturday, May 8, 6:40PM.

This was definitely the queerest post parade I’d ever been in.

I had a theory about racing where non-straight jockeys were concerned, namely, we were way better at it. This year’s Derby field was beyond stacked, like, to the point where I felt kinda honored just to be included. Eight Eclipse-winning riders, a couple of us repeats, and half of us so gay we should’ve been wearing rainbow silks. One of us was going to murder it. The odds were in our favor.

I wondered when somebody would, in fact, design me some rainbow silks. Whoever that owner turned out to be, I’d be knocking their door down for a mount. I supposed the only thing was to wait for Felix to switch over from riding and inherit the farm, but it was weird to imagine Honeycomb Hills silks as anything other than green and gold. Iona would have a coronary and die before that ever happened, regardless of whose name was on the Jockey Club paperwork.

“Benny,” I called to Ben, a few feet behind me and gossiping with his lead pony’s rider. “Hey, you ever see those pictures of beehives where, like, you know, the ones where the bees got into an M&Ms factory or whatever?”

“The fuck you on about, Tally Ho?”

“Never mind.” I giggled and brushed a hand over my silks, the green and gold that was almost Hills official but not quite, Long Hills diamonds instead of honeycomb. “Tell you later.”

“You better concentrate,” he hollered at my back. “Get your head on the dirt instead of the clouds, babe.”

“Uh-huh,” I muttered, and twisted my reins into a cross as my colt pranced a little beneath me. It wasn’t trash talk, not really, not the way some of the other guys threw it around. Ben and I had been trading off all weekend, second in the Eight Belles for him and third in the Oaks for me, first in the Pat Day for him and second in the Distaff Turf for me, third in the Humana Distaff for him and first in the Woodford Reserve for me. I wondered how pissed Joel was--but then, he’d destroyed the Oaks and the Alysheba on Friday, and won the Churchill Downs today by thirteen lengths, the motherfucker, he really had no reason to be anything but proud, of himself or his boy.

It was sweet, the way his face would look if Ben won the whole shebang about ten minutes from now. He might even smile.

Ben had a fair chance of doing it, I was generously willing to admit, even if Jessa had refused to countenance anything but me glorious and triumphant the night before. She could be real convincing when she wanted to be. By the time she’d slipped out of my hotel room I half-believed I’d already won the Roses. Seeing her was almost as good, whether we were in Louisville or on Long Island. It was always funny to hear her hold forth on horse racing. She started off haughty and holier-than-thou, reminding me of things I already knew, and then she’d end up practically handicapping, betraying that she was always listening when Gwen or I talked, that she knew more about our side of the sport than she probably wanted, that she had opinions about the likely turn-out despite herself.

Sacredheart, she’d said last night, her head propped on her hand and the rest of her spread out beneath my sheets, warm and bare, one leg wound through mine. He never breaks well.

Sacredheart, Ben’s colt, didn’t like the gate--but Ben was good with horses like that, it was sort of his thing, finessing little weirdos who’d managed to make it to three years old without getting used to the big snap-jawed steel monster. I’d been full-on goggling the first time I saw him ride, because I’d known him before that, when he was still stuck in high school and doing grunt work at Gulfstream, scrawny and big-haired--kinda the Jewish-boy version of me, actually--and his personality made me think he’d turn out sort of flashy. Speed freaks, colts with attitude and diva fillies, that kind of thing. Instead he kept turning up with really smart turf rides and patience for horses who needed it, and his grumpy boyfriend was the show-off.

“Quit thinking about it, Tallis!” someone yelled, and I glanced toward the fence. My agent was standing there, forearms propped on the rail and his daughter perched on his shoulders. Phil was next to them, one hand braced on her giant hat and the other waving at me. She looked pretty damn fine, not that I was looking. Felix’s girlfriend was with them, a full head taller than either of them, her beautiful smile aimed right at me. Eddy grinned and called again, “No more time for thinking, mija.”

It was what he always told me, and even though he clearly knew what he was talking about--I mean, hombre was a living legend, and my over-eager ass was lucky to have him--the advice never worked. I couldn’t shut my brain off until the gate opened. I had to run over the odds, the likelies and the longshots, everything I knew about every jock, until the point where thinking became dangerous.

We weren’t there yet. There was plenty of time left for my brain to do what it did best.

The lead ponies peeled off and we picked up into a jog. Sacredheart looked good when he and Ben loped past; Suitcase City, Joel’s baby girl, looked even better. If I was worried about anyone in the field it was them, because Joel had that irritating habit of winning when he wasn’t supposed to, when there should’ve been no way. Canseco and Suitcase City, I counted, Goldfarb and Sacredheart, Hamilton and Fly Pelican, Mensah and Elfshot, Rodowsky and Bluegrass Baby, on and on, twenty of the best runners in the country. Bays and grays and chestnuts, guys I’d never ridden with before and one woman whose style I knew better than my own, all lining up to try and beat the hide off my colt.

“We’ll see,” I told Cain Distilled, and patted his dappled neck as we lined up for the post.

Main track, Churchill Downs. Saturday, May 8. 6:52PM.

Sometimes speed didn’t show up.

The five-sixteenths pole popped up on my periphery and it was like someone had punched a panic button. My brain was a mess, flashing through what Jimmy Hamilton and I had talked about, and then what I’d privately pieced together in case what the trainer wanted didn’t materialize. None of it fit; my first Kentucky Derby, and I was about to embarrass myself, the filly, one of the best trainers in the world, the richest woman in Kentucky, and probably my entire family tree.

Maybe this would be the thing to finally put shame on Ben’s face.

People were going to laugh, I could tell. The comments sections were writing themselves. Pacesetter forgot to leave the gate. Keep fillies where they belong… the breeding shed. So on and so forth. What had any of us been thinking? I shoved that away and focused on Suitcase City. I might not have been Jimmy Hamilton’s favorite person, but he was rarely wrong about horses. If he wanted another Derby filly and thought Suitcase City was the golden ticket, I wasn’t going to the one to prove him wrong.

The rest of the field wanted me to, though.

While I’d been freaking, squeezing a lemon that didn’t have any juice, Felix had crept up on me. She knew what she was doing, and my filly would’ve been better off with her as a rider. Let her have her third Derby win, second distaff duo, by now we were all used to Hills horses and Hills people populating the winners’ circle. It felt like she’d been glaring at me since the Fountain of Youth in February, when Suitcase City had wired the field on a very sloppy day at Gulfstream. Today wasn’t sloppy--but Arkansas Derby Day had been as dry as Jimmy’s sense of humor. His niece was tucked in outside, rock-steady, no sign of doing anything but flanking us like a police escort. She didn’t even glance at me, and Fly Pelican was an automaton, forelegs churning. He wasn’t too impressive-looking, short and a little compact for a Thoroughbred, but he knew what he was for.

I let my mind coast over the rest of the field. Ben and Sacredheart were laying fourth, stalking the pace like I knew James Hamilton had told him to. James had told him everything but the winning lotto numbers, apparently. Tallis was up front, which was weird--which, now that I thought about it, might have thrown everything off. Cain Distilled was a closer from a long line of closers, and nobody had expected early speed from him. His sire had pounded through the Preakness and Belmont in classic deep-from-behind style, and his dam had once won a dirt mile coming up from fourteen lengths back. He himself had knocked out the Florida Derby last-to-first on a track very similar to how the Downs dirt felt today. I couldn’t imagine Gwen Taylor having told Tallis to go, which meant either Tallis had finally gone around the bend--unlikely--or she knew something the rest of us didn’t.

There was Felix, my next-door neighbor, determined to make her uncle happy. All she wanted was what we all wanted. Horse racing was the fairest sport in the world when you got right down to it.

And there was Suitcase City--or actually, there she wasn’t, and that was my problem. I’d ridden her three times since the previous summer, and she was snappy. She liked to run and especially liked a straightaway like the backstretch. She usually knew just what to do with it, even if it was going to burn off once she did. She was so lazy today I might as well have been running the race myself. As we hit the second turn I shut my eyes briefly and forced myself to loosen up. If there was one thing riding with Ben--being with Ben--had done for me, it was that. He had more genuine horse sense than I ever would, didn’t need to get technical with a mount the way I did, was generally more content to let a horse run its race than I was.

It was a vice, I supposed. The best jockeys were the ones the horse didn’t notice. But Suitcase City was going to notice me today.

The field shifted. Mark Mensah and Elfshot started to lag, having set the pace instead of us, and Rodowsky made his move on the rail with Bluegrass Baby. Van Alden was whipping too early, like always. I could practically hear Felix scoff above hoofbeats and lathered breath. I snuggled down into Suitcase City’s withers and kissed to her, drawing the reins a little tighter. We still weren’t where we should have been--Felix was, Fly Pelican being more versatile--but if I could get her into gear, at least we wouldn’t be last.

Van Alden and East Meets West were going to be last. I was pretty sure we were all agreed on that point, at least.

If I couldn’t do it I wanted Ben to, and that was exactly the wrong thought. Horse races weren’t about who deserved to win; most of the time they weren’t even about which horse was fastest. The combination of factors was out of any human’s control after a certain point, and that was what drove me: the idea that maybe, someday, if I did everything exactly right, if I was knowledgeable enough and flexible enough and good enough, that race would run. The race. Ben knew better. Tallis did too--the two of them were some of the best riders I’d known for just… not giving up, but giving in. Felix usually won through sheer force of will. Ben won because he knew how to talk to horses. Tallis won because there was nothing she wanted to be doing besides racing, nothing in her mind but that horse for those two minutes.

When I won, it felt like an accident more often than not.

My whip moved, left-handed, an instinct the source of which I couldn’t pinpoint. It was still too early, really. But Suitcase City’s neck snapped forward, a sudden tension in the reins that I liked. Her stride changed from the dogged gallop I’d chivvied out of her since the gate to something recognizable, something with promise in it. It didn’t matter whether we passed enough horses in the stretch, or if the maneuver Connelly was about to try with Stripesforever succeeded in boxing us in. The filly had been running, and now she was racing.

The important thing, at the end, was that the horse had run its race.

#u: honeycomb hills #diana's writing #project: on the fence #project: eddynovel #project: teenage flirtbags #project: losing the bug

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sandiegodjstaci · 5 years

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Victoria & Michael's Lush Estancia Wedding in La Jolla

Of all the San Diego wedding DJs calling America’s finest city home, Victoria & Michael chose me to DJ and MC their Estancia wedding in La Jolla on Friday the 13th of September, 2019. The following write-up is based on San Diego DJ Staci’s crazy organized & detailed outline for this Estancia wedding.

THE ESTANCIA WEDDING CEREMONY

Prelude ➔ All the Small Things – Vitamin String Quartet, Bad Guy – Vitamin String Quartet, Doin’ it Right – Vitamin String Quartet, Don’t Stop Believing – Strung Out Strings, Jurassic Park Theme – John Williams/Vitamin String Quartet, Hide and Seek – Vitamin String Quartet, Home – Vitamin String Quartet, Lost Woods – Patti Rudisill, Million Reasons – Vitamin String Quartet, River Flows in You (original) – Yiruma, Still Into You – Vitamin String Quartet, Legend of Zelda Main Theme – Koji Kondo/Vitamin String Quartet, The Only Exception – Vitamin String Quartet

Everyone Else’s Processional ➔ Feeling This Vitamin String Quartet

Bride’s Processional ➔ “The Winner Is,” DeVotchka

Ribbon Handfasting Ceremony ➔ no song

Recessional (start song during kiss) ➔ “Running,” No Doubt

THE COCKTAIL HOUR & DINNER MUSIC

While San Diego DJ Staci offers couples pre-set cocktail & dinner playlists to choose from, Victoria & Michael opted to hand-select their background music for their Estancia wedding in La Jolla.

Cocktail Music ➔ 1. A Walk Through Hell – Say Anything, 2. Cabin By the Sea – Dirty Heads, 3. Dreams – The Cranberries, 4. Hard to Concentrate – Red Hot Chilli Peppers, 5. Ho Hey – The Lumineers, 6. I’ll Be Here Awhile – 311, 7. Lazy Afternoon – Rebelution, 8. Lucky – Jason Mraz/Colbie Caillat, 9. Moon, Roll Me Away – You, Me, and Everyone We Know, 10. Pretty Woman – Roy Orbison, 11. Only One – YellowCard, 12. Passionfruit – Drake, 13. Riptide- Vance Joy, 14. Rollercoaster – Bleachers, 15. Sherry – Frankie Valli, 16. Space Song – Beach House, 17. Stand By Me – The Trojans, 18. Sun Flower – Post Malone/Swae Lee, 19. Tijuana Sunrise – Goldfinger, 20. Vacation Town – Front Bottoms, 21. Wagon Wheel – Old Crow Medicine Show, 22. What’s My Age Again – Richard Cheese, 23. Wouldn’t It Be Nice – The Beach Boys

Dinner Music ➔ All of Me – Billie Holiday, Can’t Help Falling in Love – Elvis Presley, Come Fly with Me – Frank Sinatra, Cool – Gwen Stefani, Crimson And Clover – Tommy James and The Shondells, Dammit – Thin Dark Line, Divine Intervention – Taking Back Sunday, Earth Angel – The Penguins, Falling Slowly – Glen Hansard, Feeling This – Richard Cheese, First Day of My Life – Bright Eyes, Fly Me To The Moon – Frank Sinatra, Fooled Around and Fell In Love – Elvin Bishop, Happy If You’re Happy – Matt and Kim, Hey Ya (solo version) – Obidiah Parker, I’ll Be Seeing You – Billie Holiday, I’ll Be There – The Jackson 5, I’m Yours – JasonMraz, It Don’t Exist – Bayside, I Want To Hold Your Hand – T.V. Carpio, I Want to Know your – Say Anything, Kiss Me – Sixpence None the Richer, Landing Feet First – Bayside, Linger – The Cranberries, Lost Stars – Adam Levine, Montauk – Bayside, My Girl – The Temptations, On Love, On Life – Bayside, Oye Como Va – Willie Colon, Quando Caliente El Sol – Django Williams, (Sittin’ On) the Dock of The Bay – Otis Redding, Sloth’s Revenge – Dirty Heads, Take Me Home Country Roads – Mountain Man, Thank You – Led Zeppelin, The Only Exception – Paramore, The Very Thought of you – Billie Holiday, Underneath it All – No Doubt, What’s Up? – 4 Non Blondes, A Real Hero – College, Come and Get Your Love – Red Bone, Hotel California – Gipsy Kings, Lovefool – The Cardigans, Such Great Heights – The Postal Service

THE ESTANCIA WEDDING RECEPTION

My Welcome ➔ “Good evening! Welcome to Victoria & Michael’s wedding reception!!! I am the Master of Ceremonies, DJ Staci. Please take your seats so we can officially welcome our guests of honor. Please be sure to post your photos today with #TurningOverANewLeeph. Be sure to stop by the photo booth outside & get your photo taken as well. If you need to charge your devices, I do have a mini charging station up here including some universal chargers…Ladies & gentlemen, are you ready to meet the wedding party…?”

Grand Entrance ➔ “Take on Me,” Reel Big Fish

1. Give it up for Bridesmaid Alyssa & Groomsman Joe!!!

2. Show some love to Bridesmaid Mary & Groomsman Matt!!!

3. Please welcome Bridesmaid Jodie & Groomsman Eric!!!

4. Give it up for Bridesmaid Jessie & Groomsman Paul!!!

5. Show some love to Bridesmaid Rachel & Groomsman Sean!!!

6. Please welcome Maid of Honor Natasha & Best Man Joey!!!

➔ “Have Faith in Me,” A Day To Remember (cue to 2:26) ➔ Ladies & gentlemen, get on your feet to welcome–for the FIRST TIME EVER—Mr. Michael & Mrs. Victoria T——-!!!”

➔ First Dances ➔ “Down by the Water,” The Drums (fade out @ 2:34) ➔ “Grow Old with You,” Adam Sandler (start at 0:28) ➔ fade last song early: no ➔ no announcement

➔ Newlywed Brief Welcome/Thank You Speech ➔ yes

5:55 PM +/- ➔ Meal Served: plated

6:40-7:00 PM ➔ B&G offsite sunset photos

7:10 PM +/- ➔ Toasts ➔ champagne pour ➔ “Ladies & gentlemen, may I have your attention please for the toasts. Please welcome our first speaker:”

➔ Best Man Joey

➔ Maid of Honor Natasha

➔ Father-Daughter Dance ➔ “Good Night My Angel,” Billy Joel ➔ fade early: no ➔ “About her father, Victoria says: My favorite memory from childhood with my dad is when he rocked me to sleep under the colorful Christmas tree star light. The most important thing he taught me was proper spelling & grammar. And now lets welcome Victoria & her father, Chef Joe, to the dance floor to share a special dance.”

➔ Mother-Son Dance ➔ “Ooh Child,” Five Stairsteps (fade early: 1:20) ➔ “What Is Life,” George Harrison (fade early: 2:00) ➔ “About his mother, Michael says: I am so grateful for the life my mom gave me. She is always supportive, & I can always turn to her. Now let’s welcome Michael & his mother, Jeannie, to the dance floor to share a special dance.”

➔ Group Photo on Dance Floor

➔ Open Dancing

8:35 PM ➔ Bouquet Toss ➔ “I’ve Just Seen a Face,” Jim Sturgess

10:25 PM ➔ Last Dance ➔ “Laugh Til I Cry,” The Front Bottoms

VICTORIA & MICHAEL’S DANCE MUSIC RECIPE

Music Rating ➔ R &X-rated OK

Requests ➔ no requests*

Priority During Dancing ➔ maximum dancing/use my expertise to read the crowd

Genres ➔ Top 40/Pop, 80s Pop/Rock/New Wave, 90s R&B/Boy Bands/Pop, Oldies, 70s/Classic Rock, Motown/Funk, Electronic Dance Music, 2000s

M U S T – P L A Y S

Come on Eileen – Save Ferris, Plastic Stars – Freezepop, Doin’ It Right – Daft Punk, Don’t Stop Me Now – Queen, Grown Up – Danny Brown, Brown Eyed Girl – Reel Big Fish, La Bamba – Ritchie Valens, Bad Guy – Billie Eilish, West Coast – Fidlar, Doses and Mimosas – Cherub

P L A Y I F Y O U C A N

1. Ain’t No Mountain High Enough – Marvin Gaye, Tammi Terrell, 2. American Girl – Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers, 3. A Praise Chorus – Jimmy Eat World, 4. Be My Lover – La Bouche, 5. Build Me Up Butter Cup – The Foundations, 6. California Love – 2Pac, 7. Daylight – Matt and Kim, 8. Day ‘N’ Night (Nightmare) – Kid Cudi, 9. Diane Young – Vampire Weekend, 10. Enola Gay – Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark, 11. Feel Good Inc. – Gorillaz, 12. Firework – Katy Perry, 13. Fly – Sugar Ray, 14. Get Away – CHVRCHES, 15. Get Lucky – Daft Punk, 16. Giving Up The Gun – Vampire Weekend, 17. Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger – Daft Punk, 18. Hooked on a Feeling – Blue Suede, 19. I Love It – Icona Pop, 20. I’m a Believer – Monkees, 21. (I’m Gonna Be) 500 Miles – MXPX, 22. In Too Deep – Sum 41, 23. Jump in The Line – Harry Belfonte, 24. Just Can’t Get Enough – Depeche Mode, 25. Just Dance – Lady Gaga, 26. Lose Yourself to Dance – Daft Punk, 27. Mambo No. 5 – Lou Bega, 28. Memory – Sugarcult, 29. Mickey – B*Witched, 30. Midnight City – M83, 31. Move Your Feet – Junior Senior, 32. Pon De Replay – Rihanna, 33. Pretty Fly (For a White Guy) – The Offspring, 34. Pump Up The Jam – Technotronic, 35. Scatman (Ski-Ba-Bop- Ba- Dop- Bop) – Scatman John, 36. September – Earth, Wind, Fire, 37. Shoop – Salt-N-Pepa, 38. Smoke Two Joints – Richard Cheese, 39. Spirit In The Sky – Norman Greenbaum, 40. Steal My Sunshine – Len, 41. Superman – Goldfinger, 42. U Can’t Touch This – MC Hammer, 43. Vacation – The Go- Go’s, 44. Wake Me Up Before you Go-Go – Wham!, 45. What is Love – Haddaway, 46. Work it – Missy Elliot, 47. You’re The One That I Want – Grease, 48. You Spin Me Round – Dead or Alive, 49. Good as Hell – Lizzo

D O N O T P L A Y S

None

ESTANCIA WEDDING FLOOR PLAN

Again, I was honored to be the one and only San Diego wedding DJ Veronica & Michael trusted with their Estancia wedding in La Jolla. Thank you!

—

*DJ Staci no longer DJs weddings in which guests are not allowed to make requests due to the negative online reviews the guests leave.

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GIVE IT TO ME BABY

#estancia la jolla wedding #female san diego wedding dj #friday weddings #La Jolla Weddings #San Diego Autumn Weddings #San Diego Hotel Weddings #San Diego September Weddings

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beardedwinnerobject-blog · 6 years

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Can a no proof of insurance ticket be dropped? i just bought the car over the holiday weekend?

"Can a no proof of insurance ticket be dropped? i just bought the car over the holiday weekend?

yea i just bought it on 4th of july and they was closed monday. and im getting insurance tomorrow on the car. and my bill of sale says on it july 3rd which is saturday and they wasnt open til today and i got the ticket on my way home after 5 i didnt know you could call to get it i thought you had to show them the car. its in alabama also. but thanks for all your help its not like i was tryin to get by without insurance or anything. i thoguht your existing coverage covered it for like 3 days or something?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://insureinfo.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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Insurance quote was more expensive than body shop Insurance quote of repairs quater panel repl qual recy parts lt quarter panel +25 add clear coad repl lt inner panel door blnd lt door shell r&i belt w strip r&i mirror assy r&i lt handle outside laser red r&i lt r&i trim panel estimate 1700 minus 500 for dect. Body shop quote stripe assembly lt part/partial repl mldg rocker panel pnl, front door oute lt blend refinsh mldg,front door belt lt r&i assembly stripe front door l lt r&i assembly mirror, outer r/c lt r&i assembly cyl,front door o lt r&i assenmly handle, front door o lt r&i assembly mldg,roof drip lt r&i assembly panel,quater lt repair panel,quarter lt refinish mldg,quarter belt l/f r&i assembly stripe,quarter lower l/f labor/partl repla pnl,quarter inner l/f repair pnl quarter innder l/f refinish duct, quarter panel l/f r&i assembly pnl, inner qtr trim taillamp assembly r&i assembly rear bumper cover r&i addnl labor oper corrosion protection refinish cover car exterior r""

Can I drive my new used car without insurance for 30 days?

I just bought a new used car today. I have insurance on my old car still (in my mom's name). Does that insurance cover my new car (in my name) for a bit do you think? Or should I just not drive it at all until i get it insured?

What is the cost of homeowners insurance on Alabama shores?

Have or have not got insurance if you live on Alabama coast?

Auto insurance wont pay for damages?

I was involved in a bumper to bumper accident(at fault) in a borrowed car(my fathers) here in California. Now i get a call from the insurance that they wont pay for damages to the other vehicle because im not in the policy. Im not excluded from the policy either. My father only has liability insurance. Does the insurance has to pay for damages by law?

What are the typical insurance rates for small retail businesses?

I'm planning on opening a small book store in East King County, WA in the next year or two. The store will be about 1,100 - 1,200 square feet. Does anyone have an idea of what the premium would be for general liability insurance? I can't get a quote because the store doesn't exist yet, but I need the info for my business plan. Help!""

Term insurance?

Why has the cost of Car insurance suddenly shot up?

Got my renewal quote today, car insurance has risen by over 250 extra, I phoned around and the companies are saying that the quotes have just gone up without explanation. Is this just sheer exploitation and profiteering?, in this time of recession how can they seriously do this and ask for such things hand over fist.? Rip of Britain indeed. Is there an insurance regulator people can go to to get an opinion on it?""

How much should i get for my car from insurance?

Before owning my car it was rear ended and received a reconstructed title. It is a 97 Honda Hatch Back. I'm curious as to how much value insurance will see as lost on the car due to the reconstructed title, though even though it was restored to near perfect condition. I was in stop and go traffic yesterday and the car behind me didn't realize all the cars had stopped, he hit me doing roughly 45, my car was pushed into another car and it's definitely totaled at this point. Is there a set percentage they deduct if you have a reconstructed title?""

Health and Maternity Insurance.?

My wife and I are wanting to have a baby and need to get health insurance that includes maternity. I have gotten a couple quotes, but they all seems somewhat high being that she is only 22 and in great health. Who would be the best and most affordable provider to talk to? Thanks, Dustin""

Car insurance stuff i don't understand.?

Hello everyone, I am an international student who's been in the USA (Buffalo, NY) for the past 2 years working hard on my masters (i'm 25 now). I bought a POS Saturn last year for 2000 dollars and, well, for that i needed to get car insurance since it's mandatory in this country. Since i was from abroad and i had a learner's permit at the time, i had to get insurance with my international license. Progressive was my only choice so i paid around 700$ for 6 months. That's the rate I've been paying for the last year. Unfortunately, i just don't have the money anymore to pay 700 more dollars for the next 6 months. I tried different insurance companies but they are all around the same range. Apparently, i was stupid enough to not get a credit card as soon as i landed in this country. I was raised with the if you don't have money, don't spend it philosophy so i just used my debit card. This is the only reason that i can see for these absurd rates. Every single one of my friends ( all international students ) pay around 200-250/six months dollars for their pieces of crap cars. I just feel like i'm not being given a fair deal. Not having any credit might put a penalty on me, i understand somewhat how a capitalist mind works... let's say about 100-150 more dollars for 6 months, but a whopping 500 $ ? Don't you think it's kind of messed up that first of all it's mandatory, and then there's no baseline to at least make sure that noone gets ripped off. Is there any way that a person can inquire why he is being charged so much(instead of the bs the agents tell you i.e your area is bad etc.)? Or are you at the mercy of these people?""

""On average, how much does home owners insurance cost?""

I'm filling out somethings for a project for one of my classes. I do not at all need this number to be accurate, I am not going to go and speak with an insurance agent, I just need a number that is about what I would be paying forinsurance if I bought a house.""

Good car insurance price for teens?

Im 16 and I just got my license. My dad told me the insurance agent said its going to cost $130. I dont think that is including drivers education discount and good grades discount. How much discount a month you think Ill get and is that a good price? (Im getting a Nissan Xterra)

Incorrect no claims bonus quoted on my renewal for car insurance?

I have recently had my renewal quote through from my current car insurer and have noticed it states more years for my no claims bonus then I've actually got. I've looked back at my previous paperwork and it looks like I made a massive error. I really wanted to stay with the same insurer but know I will need to inform them of the error. Has anyone been in this situation before? Not sure what happens! :0

How to get quotes from insurance providers for a new comparison website?

I am creating an insurance comparison website such as moneysupermarket.com, confused.com, or insurance.com.. I want to access the quotes of all the insurance providers and provde these quotes to my customers. How can I get the APIs used by the insurance comparison websites? I am interested in any of the Life Insurance, Medical Insurance and Dental Insurance.""

What kind of motorcycle could I get?

I want a vehicle and I think a motorcycle would be kickass. If anybody has any experience, please help me out. Is there a good bike I could get used under $3000 that I could ride on the highway (75 mph). Does your car insurance go up when you get the license? What would insurance cost for a 17 y/o male with no collisions or infractions? Any help would be greatly appreciated.""

Is farmers insurance that bad?

I've read a lot of bad reviews about farmers insurance. i have an interview with them next week for a bilingual office claims representative position... What would be the career goal at this position. to become an agent in the future?

Car insurance first time?

Where should i go to get my insurance im in the uk and i am 18 yrs old i drive a hyundai accent 1.3 Si coupe 1437cc also is it ok to lie just to lower you premium Please help i got a quote for 3100 yearly HELP

Why is insurance more...?

Why does it cost more to insure a 1991 Nissan ZX than a 1986 Camaro? Wouldn't you think the Camaro would be more, since it has less safety features and is older?""

""If my car is totalled, will the people's insurance who hit me give me kelly blue book value and take my car?,?""

I was t-boned the other day and am pretty sure my car will be totalled, it still runs great, and i love the car. the accident was the other persons fault. if it IS toatalled, will her ...show more""

For my first car I'm thinking about getting a 1983 Mazda RX-7 but what is the cost of insurance?

I really need to now because I found one cheap....please I need help!

""What is the definition of a total loss car by the insurance company?, Is it possible to get my car back?""

Florida-A couple of months ago I was involved in an car accident that my insurance said they would not fix, due to certain circumstances. The insurance company told me the car was a total loss. The buy here Pay here who financed the vehicle told me to bring in the police report info and that was it. you have to get a new car is simply what I was told, I asked about payments and he told me to call him in a few days- few days turn into weeks and he is never available to discuss with me payments. Almost 2 months and there is still noone willing to talk to me?, looking through some car ads yesterday I saw the car listed at a different location owned by the same Buy Here Pay Here it was all like new, Fixed and being sold? If my car was fixable couldnt I have just paid out of pocket to fix it? what is the definition of a total loss from the insurance's view? Is it possible to get my car back? BTW I have no issues with paying the finance company- I just cant get anyoone to talk to me. Please try and answer all of the questions here, so I dont have to repost separately Thanks in advance for the advice.""

Whats the average motorcycle insurance cost for an 18 year old guy?

I need 1 month of auto insurance coverage. Does anyone know how I might go about finding a insurer online?

-I live abroad -I'm a U.S. citizen -I will buy a used car in California -I will drive this car for exactly 1 month this summer -I will then park it at my parents home for the winter -It will not be driven until next year -Most insurers a

Insurance for low income disabled person?

I only make $7.14/hr at my job, got cut from my old insurance due to no longer being able to afford it, I have a learning disabilty and have no medical insurance to go to the doctors. What are some good affordable/free insurance for low income families?""

Student Car insurance?

Does anyone know of a good insurance company that is suitable to students? I am off to university in september, I'm not taking my car with me however, I will be home every other weekend and will want to use it then as well as when i'm home for christmas etc. I am looking for an insurance company that is suitable for this kinda thing as I dont want to be payin lots for insurance when I hardly use the car. Thanks""

Who offers affordable home owners insurance in south florida?

trying to buy a house in south florida and I need a good and affordable company for my home owners ins.

How much will my insurance increase after I got a DUI?

I'm an 19 y/o male. I already know I made a bunch of big mistakes in my life, I just want to know how much this portion will cost.""

Where can I Find Reliable Cheap Life Insurance Quotes?

I recently started a home internet based business. When I was just starting out I went without insurance for a while. Now that things are going well I would like to buy a life insurance policy. There are a ton of life insurance sites, but most of them seem biased or focused on an individual provider. Where can I find a good life insurance quote site that is unbiased or gives me quotes from a wide array of services? Also, are there any good tips for saving money buying life insurance for small business owners?""

Getting married. Will I lose my car insurance if under my mom's policy?

I am living at home now and I am under her insurance policy and the car is in her name. Will they terminate my policy if I get married and move out? Can I put the car under my fiance's insurance even though the car is in her name?

How do insurance companies determine pain and suffering if the person's insurance covers medical bill in full?

On 02/14/12, I was at a complete stop on the freeway when the person behind me hit my car and launched me into the person in front of me. My car was totalled and I spent the night in the ER. I have a severe cervical spine strain (severe whiplash), blunt chest trauma, (from hitting the steering wheel), and just all over back pain. They said they were going to pay for pain and suffering, but when I looked it up it said that is typically double the medical bills. However, my medical insurance (Medi-cal), covered it in full. So now how do they determine it? Should I get the bills before the insurance kicked in? And also, I'm not interested in hiring a lawyer, I just want this over and done with so my life can move on.""

""I just found out I'm pregnant but I dont have health insurance, what can I do?""

I just found out that I'm pregnant however I dont have health insurance. I currently dont have a job because the company I used to work for went bankrupt. Where can I go to get prenatal care? and is there any inexpensive health insurance I can apply for? I live in the Los Angeles, Ca area.""

Term insurance?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/jet-ski-insurance-australia-quote-scott-dixon/"

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braindump7 · 8 years

Text

march 23, 2017

12:09am

HI ENA IN CASE YOU ARE READING THIS IT’S SUPER LONG I DON’T RECOMMEND READING IT JUST BECAUSE I WROTE THIS IN HOPES OF GETTING MYSELF TO FALL ASLEEP SO ITS UNNECESSARILY LONG AND RANT-Y BUT YOU MIGHT NOT EVEN BE READING THIS BUT IF YOU ARE I LOVE YOU

Okay well anyways, I haven’t written on here in over a week, but it’s been quite a rollercoaster since last Wednesday, so I guess I’ll go day by day, I kinda just wanna keep track of everything, no matter how insignificant because I love rereading things, especially if it’s looking back when I’m at a much better place in my life, kinda how I reread all of my old stuff now :) Also, my sleep schedule is back to being soooooo screwed! I was doing so well last week. Thank you, Vegas.

Wednesday is a day I think I’ll remember for a while, just because my mom apologized to me. I think that may be the first time that she has EVER apologized first. I don’t remember when, but I do know she has apologized to me before, however an apology from my mom never comes unless I initiate the whole reconciliation process. Other than that, nothing much happened; I ended up taking my parents to the airport after comm, but it was such a rush since only my philosophy class was cancelled, so I had to be back for geography.

Thursday was a nice day, I remember planning on studying at the Fresno State lib that day but I ended up at B&N, and got coffee with Alex. This was the night I realized Beauty and the Beast was coming out, and life update: it’s been a week and I still haven’t seen it. EVEN ALEX SAW IT BEFORE I DID AND I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOVIE SINCE THE TRAILER CAME OUT IN NOVEMBER. I’m not bitter :-) I will literally go watch it alone if I have to :-))))

Friday was such a long day. I remember having a FULL day; dropped Bea off, went on a run that morning, fed the dogs, went to class, (tried to) wash the car, packed for Vegas, got my guitar restrung, and saw Justin that night too. I don’t know what it is but it’s always so refreshing to see him. Speaking of Justin, I just remembered that he said something about watching Beauty and the Beast on Saturday, but I highhhhhly doubt that’s happening.

Saturday was also packed, Alex dropped me off at the airport, and I probably had the worst landing I’ve ever experienced during a plane ride. I almost threw up, and it was just terrible. I just felt sick after, and I had every intention of taking a nap, but I saw my parents and they were so full of energy, I had no choice but to keep up. I showered, helped my mom get ready for the reunion, got ready, and left with the Pulhin family. Oh my God, I’ve missed them so much. I feel like I’m a different person when I speak Tagalog, it’s so weird. I haven’t really been speaking to my parents in Tagalog, but that was honestly ALL I spoke in this past weekend. My mom and Tito Obet made up after their “argument” (????) over my mom voting for something, and it was so nice to finally see them get rid of the tension. My mom apologized to him too, the way she apologized to me, and I’m starting to see my mom in a different light. I don’t know what it is, but I really like it, and I really wish it happened sooner. The reunion went so smoothly, except for the fact that I messed the national anthem up, but at least my mom said nobody noticed. I noticed, though. I definitely noticed. :-) After the reunion, we just went to the mansion all of them rented out, and we stayed there til 5am. I was practically sleepwalking when we left.

Sunday, I swam and went to the hotel gym, and I remember feeling really weird, because working out while on vacation isn’t really something I’ve ever done before. I don’t really think of it as a chore, or something I MUST do everyday, it’s just something that really helps, I think. I don’t really sweat, so I can’t say that I sweat all of my “problems” out, but working out does put me in a good mood. I think it’s all of those endorphins and GABA being released, duh. (Shoutout AP Psych.) Anyways, we went to the Strip, and I ate some small ass BURNT filet mignon at some expensive Brazilian steakhouse, and dude, I have never been so disappointed in a piece of meat in my life. I honestly just wanted real food after :( I ended up going to dinner with my parents and my momma’s friends later that night. By “later,” I meant past midnight, but at least I practically ate the entire meat lovers pizza Tita Carol ordered. They were all surprised because they kept joking about how skinny I am and how I don’t eat, and it’s kinda ://// because I OBVIOUSLY do eat, and I eat a lot of certain things, but I just generally don’t usually eat a lot. Yeah I know it’s a joke, but it just felt weird.

Monday, we went to the Grand Canyon, and I was asleep on the way there, in the bus on the way to the observatory, on the way back to the Native American gift shop, and on the way back to Vegas. I was EXHAUSTED, but the Grand Canyon was so beautiful. I was hoping to actually hike and explore around, but we just went to the skywalk thing, where we walked on glass and I thought it was extremely cool, but I think this one Portuguese tourist was on the verge of fainting. Poor dude was probably terrified of heights, but why would you even go there in the first place? It was 4,710ft above sea level. It’s weird that I remember that number because my dad only said it once, but yeah.

Tuesday, my parents left that morning, and dropped me off at Ninang Chinky’s house. She told me how much I remind her of my mom, and growing up, I loved being told that I looked like my mom, because I’ve always thought that my mom is so beautiful, but hearing her best friends tell me how much I am ACTUALLY like her all weekend has been one of the most flattering things I’ve heard in a very long time. My mom isn’t perfect, and we’ve had times where downs were a lot more prominent than our ups, but she is such a strong, hardworking, generous, and kind woman, and although there are things I would do differently, I only hope to be half the person she is today. I love her. Anyways, Ninang’s sons were so adorable, Cody drew me a picture, and Justin kept telling me he loves me. I sang for Timmy and he told me I could be a famous singer, and it was the cutest thing :’) FINALLY, this Wednesday. I got home today, after another rocky flight, but nothing much happened, other than the fact that I went to class despite the fact that I was absolutely wiped out from the past couple of days. I just updated my happy memories playlist on spotify, and I want someone to ask me about those songs SOOOO badly because I think I’m trusting (certain) people a lot more now. I used to be very closed in, or at least felt like I was, so even when I was sharing stuff about myself with someone, it didn’t feel like I was so I think that’s why I’ve never really reached that full stage of intimacy with anyone, because self-disclosure has never really been 100% genuine on my behalf. I guess I just never thought that someone would ever be interested in the memories and experiences I’ve had that shaped me to be this way, so ???? Well I mean, I’m not gonna just lay my life out on a silver plate but I think that if someone worthwhile wanted to know me, I can finally let them. Anyways, I’m good now, and I’m tired so all of that was probably stupid rants stuff, so Ena if you are somehow still reading this, thank you, because I don’t know who else would read ALL of this just to check up on me. I am currently cuddling with a puppy and I am so happy and I love you

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