#what do you mean you do not share 99% of my problems

[vibesaresimplyatrocious]

Can I just say that I adore the universe you’ve created and I am so interested in ALL of these characters. I adore spideydevil but I would read an entire novel length fic about any of the characters in this; Ned, MJ, Jess/Luke/Claire, Foggy and whatever is going on between him and Matt, Karen and Frank even 😅. Hell, I’d even read an entire The Office style fic about the inner workings of The Daily Bugle in this universe I’m so goddamn committed. Everything you write is pure gold and I am living for it.

deeply and profoundly tempted by the idea of a mockumentary style take on the daily bugle. peter just shows up in the background once or twice and is very obviously trying to hide cocaine

[baby-yongbok]

I Dare You

Hwang Hyunjin x Fem!Reader

➺ Genre: Smut, 1% plot 99% disgusting

➺Summary: Eat a sex chocolate before the party he said. It'll be fun he said.

➺ Word Count: 3.8k

➺🩶A/N: This is like a beginner piss kink fic lol it's filthy but if piss fics aren't usually your thing then this one is calm enough for you to dip your toe in the water. It's just subtle enough for those who like calm scenes (At least it is in my opinion. I could've made this WAY more intense 😭) + reader is depicted as chubby/plus size and is a POC ♡ I hope that you enjoy!

➺ Warnings: Piss , Squirting, Fingering, Oral (M receiving), Use of an Aphrodisiac, Car sex (Please be safe, don't nut and drive), Appearance by + mentions of Changbin [I think that's all] - Again, this is a piss kink fic. It's subtle but there is piss.

➺Request: Yes - No

✧Masterlist✧

It was a dare, a stupid dare that you’re currently regretting as you down your fourth glass of champagne. The burn of your heels pressing into the balls of your feet could hardly compare to the ache you felt between your legs. You stood at the bar, lips pulled into a thin line as the sound of some slowed R&B song swirled through the air. You wanted to dance and have a good time with the rest of your friends but you just couldn’t, not like this. As you took in the moving bodies in the middle of the room your eyes landed on his, your friend. The one who started all of this.

To be fair you should’ve known better than to listen to Hyunjin, he’s always up to something. You knew when he handed you that damned chocolate that it was a bad idea. “It’ll be fun, come on, I dare you. It’ll only make you a little horny.” 

You knew better, you knew that taking a damn aphrodisiac before a party was a messy move. Especially since you’re here with Hyunjin. Your friends are always teasing the two of you, asking why you’re so close or why he’s always over at your place and spending the night. They blame all of Hyunjin’s unexplained hickies on you. It’s to the point where everyone that knows the two of you thinks that you’re fucking. And they’re right, you are. 

“Is he allowed to do that?” Changbin sneaking up next to you pulls your attention away from Hyunjin, basically dry humping some girl on the dance floor. The smirk on his face said it all, he’s trying to get you worked up. Contrary to what everyone else might think you're not the jealous type, neither of you are. You’re more than happy to share.

“You mean is my friend allowed to dance with girls?” You steal a glance back towards Hyunjin, he’s so close to her. Is he going to kiss her? Will you be able to contain yourself if he does? You press your thighs together at the thought of it. “Of course he is.”

“When will you two admit that you’re dating?” The smirk on Changbin’s face as he stares down at you, drink in his hand and that damned black shirt stretched over his chest and biceps just right makes you feel something that you never have towards him. Of course he’s hot, you always thought that but right now the thought of having him bend you over this bar and fuck you dumb in the middle of this party is all that is looping through your head. 

“If we were dating.” You turn to him, stepping so close that your chest is practically pressed against his. “This would be a problem.” The glass in your hand is quickly forgotten on the bar as you ghost your fingers up Changbin’s arm and rub over his strong shoulder. “But it’s not, look.”

He breaks your gaze for a second, glancing over to Hyunjin who’s way too busy swapping spit with the pretty black haired girl to notice you trying to seduce his friend. 

“So you’re not dating him?” His glassy eyes search yours, you’re both clearly tipsy. 

“Nope.” The feeling of Changbin’s hand on your waist makes you moan involuntarily. You need something, anything, to take the edge off. Every little touch makes you feel like you could come undone. He leans in and ghosts his lips against your neck. You gasp and your lips part, your eyes rolling back in your head and your body arching into him. How can something this small make you feel so hot?

“How drunk are you? You’re so sensitive.” The breath of his whisper sends chills down your spine. 

“I’m not drunk.” Changbin pulls back enough to meet your gaze.

“What are you then? I touched you and you moaned.”  You blush and look away. Your bold attitude has abandoned you tonight. 

 "I'm just really turned on." He smirks and pulls back completely, leaving you wanting more. His gaze shifts over to Hyunjin quickly before meeting your pleading eyes again.

“You want help taking care of that?”  His dark eyes twinkle in the ambient party lighting and you can’t help but to feel needy for him or anyone else at this point. It’s a surprise that your arousal isn’t dripping down your legs. A nod and a not so subtle lip bite is all that you offer him before he cups your face and pulls you closer. You close your eyes as he leans in.

“I need to hear you say yes.” The brush of his lips against yours as he whispers against your lips pulls another whimper from you. 

“Yes, please help me, Binnie. Please.” His lips are pressing to yours in an instant. Hungry and sweet just how you needed him to be. You melt into his touch, sighing into the kiss and pressing your thighs together with all of the force that you have in you. His lips are so soft, how would they feel sucking on your - wait, who’s pressing into your back? A large hand glides up your thigh and over the curve of your hip, squeezing the fabric of your tight skirt as it rides up a bit. You could recognize his touch any day, it never fails to light your whole body on fire. 

“So horny you had to beg my friend to fuck you?” How long has Hyunjin been there? How much did he hear? Do you even care? You push back into him, grinding against his hard bulge. “Do I need to take you home?”

A whine escapes you as Changbin pulls away from you, a smile on his plump glossy lips as he looks between you two. “So you are dating.” You grab Changbin’s wrist as he tries to move his hand from your waist. You want more, you need it so badly. So desperately. 

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Hyunjin shakes his head, wrapping his other arm around your waist and splaying his fingers over your stomach. “But she is mine.”

“I knew it.” Changbin picks up his drink from the bar, shaking his head at the two of you. 

“It looks like you’re taken care of.” He nods towards Hyunjin who smiles at him and mutters a quick good-bye to his friend. He doesn’t care if Changbin kissed you because he’s the one who will be balls deep in your cunt soon. You frown watching Changbin walk away but the feeling of Hyunjin’s lips on your neck makes the world around you fade away. He hasn’t even done anything to you and you can already feel the fucked out fog setting in.

“Let’s get out of here, yeah?”

You usually didn’t mind going to parties that were a bit further from your apartment but right now you hated it. Every second that passed with Hyunjin’s hand rubbing at your thigh made you want to explode. He wasn’t doing any better, he kept shifting in the driver's seat, gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles turned white. He’s just as desperate and needy as you, he just seems to be handling it better.

“How was it?” His voice snapped you out of your dirty daydream. How long have you been staring out of the window?

“What?”

“Kissing Changbin.” His eyes stay on the road and his voice is calm despite the uncomfortable strain of his cock against his jeans.

“It was good, really good.” All he offers is a smirk as he shifts again. Did he think it was hot? Did he enjoy seeing you kiss his friend? “How about that girl? How was she?”

“Eh, she really likes using tongue. I only like doing that with you.” 

Before you can stop yourself your mind is wandering to the moment right before the party when you and Hyunjin both started feeling the effects of the chocolate. His hands were in your hair and yours were up his shirt as your tongues explored each other's mouths in the front seat of the car. You were on top of him, straddling his growing erection and grinding your dripping core against the rough denim of his jeans. You both almost decided to leave the party, you were seconds away from turning right around and going home so he can fuck you senseless but when you asked him he gave you that devious smile. “What? Are you scared you’ll be too horny for the party? I dared you remember? You can do it, come on.” 

“Hyunjin.” You spread your legs a bit in your seat. The cool air hitting the wet spot on your panties sent a shiver through you. You feel so antsy and needy, desire is crawling wildly under your skin and you can’t take another second of it. You need him. “Jinnie, will you please touch me?” 

He stole a quick glance your way. Hissing through clenched teeth when he noticed the wet spot on your gray panties. “Baby, I’m driving.” His hand stayed on your thigh, it squeezed the soft flesh much harsher than he meant to but you enjoyed every second of it. You hiked your skirt up your thighs until it slipped over the curve of your ass, resting around your waist and leaving your wet cotton panties exposed. 

“Jinnie look ‘m so wet for you, please.” You’ve never felt as desperate as you do right now. Your nipples are pebbled underneath your shirt, your clit is swollen and the only thought in your head is having Hyunjin on you. You want him. His fingers, his mouth, his cock. Any and all of him. “I can’t wait, I need you, look what you did to me.”

You hook your finger into the gusset of your panties and lift it up and over just as Hyunjin glances over at your core. The sight before him could’ve made him swerve off of the road if he didn’t have any self control. You’re soaked, strings of sticky arousal are connecting your panties to your pussy and all he wants to do is lick up every drop of that sweet slick from your folds. 

“Fuck.” His hand moves from your thigh to rub over his aching erection. “I did that to you, angel? You’re soaked for me? Want my cock to fuck you dumb?” He bites his lip, a moan falling from his parted lips as he nearly misses his turn.

“Move your panties a bit more, let me feel you.” If there were an award for keeping your cool while driving as horny as a pornstar, Hyunjin would definitely win it. His driving is smooth, he’s barely missing a single sign, and his eyes are trained on the road while his pointer and middle finger circle soft figure eights over your erect clit. “Want my fingers in this pussy?”

He trails down and teases your entrance, just barely giving you the tip of his finger. Your head falls back against the seat and Hyunjin thanks his lucky stars that he’s approaching a traffic light. When he stops and looks over at you, he thinks that you couldn’t be more beautiful. Your eyebrows are pinched together and your pretty eyes are glistening with tears that threaten to fall from your puffy lids. Your lipstick is smudged ever so slightly while your bottom lip is caught firm between your teeth. Your arms are hooked under your knees to give him better access to your sopping cunt. A true masterpiece.

“Beg me to fill you with my fingers, baby. You have until the light changes.” 

“Please let me feel your fingers, Hyunjin. I’ll be so good for you, I’ve been so good. I’ll suck your cock when we get home, I promise. Please, please, please Jinnie. I n-need you, I need you to fuck my pussy open. I need to be stretched for you. This pussy is yours and I need you to fuck it. I w-want it. I-I’ll be so good for you I’ll -” A smile spreads wide across his face as he listens to you babble and beg so mindlessly. You trip over almost every word as your pussy clenches around nothing. He couldn’t help but to chuckle, not the cute kind that brings you comfort. No, this was the dark one, the one that means that he’s going to ruin you once he gets the chance.

“Light changed.” His fingers breach your entrance at the same time that his foot lets up on the brake. “Such a good little pornstar. Begging for my fingers in the car.”

“F-fuck, fuck fuckfuck oh my - my fuck.” Nothing makes sense in your head, you’re not even sure what you’re saying. Are you breathing? Once his long fingers curled into your g-spot the mist in your brain turned into a blinding dark fog. It feels so good, he feels so good. His fingers fuck into you at just the right pace, you can feel your arousal running down your inner thigh as he brings you closer to the edge. Your brows pinch together as another feeling sneaks up on you. An aching pressure that you were barely aware of before but can not seem to ignore now. “Hyun-Hyunjin wait I- gotta, gotta pee.” 

You meant to use the bathroom before the two of you left but Hyunjin rushed you out of the party so quickly that you forgot. “Go ahead, make a mess for me.”

The two of you were no stranger to water sports but you’ve never done such a thing in his car. “Are you-” You cut yourself off with a moan and Hyunjin nods, already knowing what you’re going to ask, he’s more than sure. 

“Make a mess for me, angel. I want your piss on my leather seats. Can you do that for me? Squirt and piss all over my car.” What left your lips was barely a moan, it was more like a desperate cry as he abused your sweet spot. “Come on, baby. Show me how good it feels.” 

You’re way too concentrated on the pleasure burning through you to notice that the car just stopped. Hyunjin found a relatively dark and empty lot to stop in so he could enjoy the show. If there’s one thing that he loves it’s when you two get messy. He’s the happiest when you're squirting all over his cock or pissing while you ride his thigh or his face. 

He keeps a steady pace while his thumb flicks over your swollen clit, milking everything you have to offer from you. His free hand rubbed over his clothed cock as he watched you with dark low lidded eyes. He wants nothing more than to fuck his fist to the sight of you but he choses to build himself up instead. He wants to bust inside of you, filling you to the brim with his sticky seed. 

“C-cumming I’m - I’m cumming i’m cumming.” He curls his fingers into you, milking your fluttering walls as a rush of arousal squirts from your swollen cunt. He pulls his fingers out, rubbing his four fingers over your cunt and making a mess of your fluids. 

“Piss all over me, baby. That’s it.” The pressure in your bladder lets up as you let go. A mixture of squirt and piss coated the windshield and radio in front of you as Hyunjin rubbed at your pussy. “Gimme another one.” 

His fingers are plugging your hole again before you can protest. “Jin- Jinnie so good ‘s so g-good.” If you were watching yourself from the outside looking in you wouldn’t be able to recognize the babbling mess in the passenger seat as yourself. You’ve been needy before but you’ve never been this fucked out and foggy. What the hell was in that chocolate? “Cum, cum, gonna- fuck.”

You’re squirting all over his hand again, your moans and cries fill the car and Hyunjin is absolutely positive that you’d have a full audience if there were anyone nearby with the way that you’re screaming for him. “That’s my fucking pornstar right there, look at this fucking mess baby. You’re soaked in your own cum and piss. So nasty for me.” He watches in delight as you tremble and moan, your body shaking as you come down from your high.

“More, more please please please. Let me have your cock. I wan’ suck it, let me please.” He smirks as you beg for him, your body trembling against the damp leather of the seat and your mouth wide open in pleasure. 

“If you touch me I’ll fucking bust.” You unbuckle your seatbelt hastily. Climbing up to your knees with the grace of a baby deer against the soaked seat. “You just can’t wait huh? Need to taste my cum?”

You nod, fucked out and frantic as you lean over the middle console and fumble with his belt buckle. He leans back, one hand tracing your spine lightly while the other rests behind his head. He loves watching you be dumb and needy for him, he doesn't get to see it often so he came up with the dare to get what he wanted. He knew what the chocolate would do to you, he’s taken it before and he knows how bad it can get. When he showed it to you and you said that you’d try it someday he got excited. He was curious if it could get him his desired outcome. He wanted to know if it’ll make you his brainless slut, looks like it worked. 

“Come on, angel gotta get my cock in your mouth.” You whine at his teasing, licking your lips and fumbling with frustration until you finally free his rock hard dick from his jeans, no boxers underneath for easy access of course. You hum at the sight of it, immediately licking up the pre-cum leaking from the angry tip. “Shit.”

The hand that was once behind his head grabs a handful of your hair and he tries his best to contain himself. He didn’t want to let his guard down yet, he’s been waiting until you get home but your pretty warm mouth wrapped around his cock just might make him as needy as you are. “Baby, baby, baby you’re gonna make me nut. I’m gonna cum down that pretty tight throat, fuck.”

You take all of him, allowing his tip to abuse the back of your throat as you moan around him. “Oh, I want to be that deep in your fucking cunt. You gonna let me? Gonna let me ruin that pussy when we get to your place?” He’s practically fucking your throat now as his hips thrust up involuntarily. He can’t help but chase the pleasure. You feel so good and he’s five times more sensitive than he usually is. 

“Swallow around that cock, swallow my dick. Yes, fuck yes just like that, that’s my girl.” The moment that your throat contracts around him he can feel himself tipping over the edge. With his head thrown back, a death grip in your hair and his eyes shut tight he slurs dirty promises into the air while shooting ropes of cum down your throat.

“Swallow it, take all my fucking cum. Oh shit, baby swallow every drop of my fucking seed. You’re such a slut letting me - fuck - letting me make a mess in this tiny throat. Fucking hell I’m so addicted to you.” You swirl your tongue around his shaft and tip as you lift up off of him. A single string of spit connects you to his cock but it’s swiftly broken when Hyunjin grabs your chin and pulls you in for a kiss. Your tongues explore each other's mouths as you swallow each other’s moans. 

 Your hand wraps around Hyunjin’s cock, still hard as a rock, milking a deep moan from him as he pulls away from your swollen lips, you watch Hyunjin's eyes roll back in pleasure. He runs his hands through your hair, as he pants and stares into your eyes. He’s just as cloudy and fucked out as you are now. All that’s going through his head is you. He needs to feel you, to fuck you dumb until you fall apart on his cock and soak the mattress with your cum.

“S-stop, baby.” His words barely make it past his clenched teeth but even if they did you wouldn’t have listened. “Stop.” This time the hiss in his voice catches your attention. He grabs your wrist, ripping you away from his cock.

“I need to get you home.” His dark eyes bore into yours. The intense lustful energy swirling around the two of you and fogging the windows makes you feel dizzy as you  listen to him. “Sit.”

You obey immediately, sitting back in your wet seat and shivering at the cool damp feeling. Hyunjin fixes himself but he doesn’t allow you to do the same. “You were just pumping my cock like a desperate slut, so sit there like a messy whore for me, okay? Keep that pretty pussy on display.”

A cock drunk smile pulls at your lips as you fasten your seat belt and settle into your seat. It doesn’t take long for Hyunjin to pull off, driving at the exact speed limit in hopes that he can get home quick and safe. You’re not too far from your apartment, it hasn’t been more than ten minutes since your last orgasm but it feels like it’s been forever since you’ve felt his hands on you. He’s noticed you shifting in your seat and rubbing your hands up and down your thighs, desperate for any type of attention. A smile adorns his flushed features as he gets closer to your place. 

“Angel, I know what can keep you busy.” His eyes stay on the road but yours immediately fly over to him, scanning his features as you listen closely. 

“Touch yourself and tell me everything that you wanted Changbin to do to you. Tell me all the dirty thoughts you had when he had his hands on my girl.” You push your thighs together, squirming in your seat. You had completely forgotten about your kiss with Changbin and how desperate you were to feel his hands on you and have him inside of you. 

“Hyunjin I don’t know if I can handle that, I just want you, baby.” He clicks his tongue, shaking his head slightly. 

“I won’t touch you anymore unless you do it.” You whine, throwing a tantrum against your seat. Hyunjin’s hand grabs your thigh, squeezing the flesh harshly and warning you to stop. With a smile on his face he glances over at you. You’re only four blocks away from your apartment.

“Come on, baby. I dare you.”

[writingquestionsanswered]

IDK how many people are running the account, but if you or a member of the team running the account has ADHD, do you have any tips for ADHD writers, particularly when trying to get WIPs done? Outlines don't work for me like 99% of the time ;_;

Tips for Writing with ADHD

Here's what works for me, but your mileage may vary...

1 - Know What Outline Works for You - You say outlines don't work for you 90% of the time, but what type of outline are you using? Many people hear the word "outline" and imagine an academic outline with roman numerals and bullet points, but that's not what most fiction writers mean when they talk about using an outline. For fiction writers, outlines can be anything from a beginning to end written summary, to a scene list, to a detailed timeline. My post How to Outline a Plot has some different things you can try. Ultimately, there's no right or wrong way to outline your story. Anything that works as a "road map" to guide you through your story can help.

2 - Pants When You've Got to Pants - Some writers are "pantsers" or in other words, they prefer not to go off an outline. Some don't even plan in advance. They "write by the seat of their pants" and let the story take them where it may. For some writers, it depends on the specific story they're working on. Some stories might require planning, others might work better if you pants them. What works for me is understanding my needs (what type of story I'll usually need to plan/outline ahead of time, and what type of story I can pants) and then planning/pantsing accordingly. If I spent time outlining a story that I could easily pants, it would definitely take the wind out of my writing sails.

3 - Schedule Your Writing Time... Sort Of... - For me, I can't just rely on myself to write when the mood strikes me. If I did that, I'd never get any writing done. So for me, it's important to have a dedicated writing time each day. That doesn't even have to mean my butt's in the chair writing from this time to this time, it just means I'll do my best to write during whatever span of time. So, let's say this week you're home every day from 2pm until 6pm and some of that time is free time. That's going to be a good time to write, so you could say you're going to sit down every day at 3pm to write. Or, you could do 10-minute writing springs every hour, or every other hour. Or you could say you'll write when the mood strikes you, but definitely from 5:30 to 6 if you didn't get it done earlier.

4 - Try Random Writing Sprints - Writing sprints in general can be a good way for people with ADHD to write. You can schedule them or you could do them when the mood strikes. Get a timer and set it to whatever works for you... 5-minutes, 10-minutes, 30-minutes, whatever. Then just set it and go when you have time. Even if you don't feel like writing, getting into that habit will make it easier to write as soon as the timer comes out.

5 - Don't Give Yourself a Hard Time - One of the most profound things I ever heard about writing resistance is that it's often the product of writing feeling stressful. In other words, the idea of writing causes you stress, so your brain says, "Avoid! Avoid!" and you sit down to write and nothing happens. One of the ways we make writing stressful for ourselves is by giving ourselves a hard time when we don't write or don't write as much as we wanted. So, just do the best you can and congratulate yourself on small victories. Find ways to make writing fun and relaxing rather than stressful and like a chore.

Bonus - Sometimes the problem isn't ADHD but something else. My post 5 Reasons You Lost Interest in Your WIP, Plus Fixes! has some other things to consider.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[icaruspendragon]

i think the most unexpected part of being a content creator has been just how much parasocial relationships warped my perspective.

like i knew sharing parts of my life with strangers on the internet would mean that even if they didn’t feel like i was a stranger to them, they were all still strangers to me.

and i share more parts of myself online than most. so lots of these people really do know so many things about me, and because of that, sometimes i forget they’re strangers who don’t actually know me.

like someone will leave a comment that i think is funny so i share it with my groupchat and they’ll be like, “berklie, this is actually a really weird thing for a stranger to say to you.” and my response is almost always “oh. 🧍🏻‍♂️”

it’s like i’ve gotten desensitized to people saying what most would consider out of pocket stuff to me. or maybe my threshold for what i consider out of pocket is higher than it should be.

i’m incredibly fortunate in that 99% of what’s said to me is lovely and respectful and that the vast majority of my audience treats me with kindness.

there’s so much talk about people having parasocial relationships, but no one really talks about what it’s like to be on the receiving end of those relationships. and like i know that no one is making me put myself out there like this, that it’s a choice i willingly make.

and i’ve been on the internet for 13 years now, which is literally half my life. i know what it’s like.

i was on this site in 2012 and fanfic.net in 2011. i know how awful and vile anonymity makes some folks get, but there’s a purgatory-esque space i didn’t know existed. and that space is where people aren’t mean, but they aren’t exactly nice, either. they’re weird. and not in a fun way. they’re invasive. and i’ve been exposed to it for so long i only notice when it’s extreme.

and if you follow me and you read this and are thinking, oh god. is she talking about me? the answer is no, i’m not.

i have lots of folks, especially those who comment/interact frequently, that i think of as my “regulars.” these are people i recognize and even go so far as to think about outside of whatever platform i’m posting on. and even if they don’t interact with my content super frequently, i recognize these users. i remember a lot more about people than folks might think.

these people aren’t the problem.

it’s the people who see i’m a person but forget that i’m human, if that makes sense. like of course people objectively know i’m a person. but i think sometimes they forget i’m human. and that i can read. and that i have feelings.

there have been several times where i called someone out for saying inappropriate shit to me and their response has been, “i’m so sorry. i didn’t think you’d see it.”

but i do see it. even if i don’t publicly acknowledge it, i see everything.

i think some people think just because they see more of me that i can’t see any of them. but i do.

so please, please remember i may just be a person that lives in your phone to you, but i’m a human who lives outside of it, too.

regardless of familiarity, i deserve to be treated like i have an existence outside of people’s screens. because i do.

despite appearances or perspective, at the end of the day, i’m just like you.

[kaitsawamura]

-> somebody come get her (she's dancing like a stripper)

-> SUMMARY

You have bills to pay. That's the only thing on your mind when you go in for your shift at the strip club. The only thing on your mind until you see Daichi.

Daichi doesn't expect to find you, the girl of his dreams, at the strip club. In fact, he's 99% certain he shouldn't be here. But now he can't stop thinking of all the things he'd let you do to him.

Will your mutual attraction pay off for the both of you?

-> STATS

Pairing: Daichi Sawamura x Stripper!Reader (get that bread!)

Rating: M for Mature, MDNI

Warnings: My take on a corruption kink except Daichi's the one getting corrupted

Tags: Corruption, strangers to lovers, smut I tell you, filthy filthy smut with my husband, strip club au, oral (m receiving), p in v, creampie, a bit of choking (like a tiny bit), hair pulling, nasty nasty f*cking with my husband, sex in public (sorta, it's in a public restroom), a little dominant confident Reader (if I missed anything y'all can let me know in the DM's)

Word Count: 6.3K

Author's Note: I knew the moment I saw Mint's post . : HERE : . that I had to write something about it. They obligingly gave me the go ahead to be inspired so off I went a-writing. Obviously, this might be considered mild corruption by some but to me? This was like I went into a blackout and woke up not knowing what year it was. So, here you go, enjoy some nasty filthy smut with my love!

-> LINKS

Main Masterlist

HQ Masterlist

Playlist

Moodboard

“Rent’s due on Monday,” your roommate reminds you, concern masked with sympathy clear on her face. She’s not trying to be mean or overbearing but damn it, the stress of the situation makes you want to snark back. But you don’t.

“Do you have your half?” She nods. You nod back decisively. “I’m working tonight. Fridays are good days to work. It’s my first one without shadowing anyone. I’ll have the rest of my half in tips, don’t worry.” Her face brightens as she pours herself a glass of orange juice, sunlight streaming in the kitchen window of the tiny two-bedroom apartment you share with her.

“Thank god. The landlord’s being an ass again. We’ve been late one time. I have half a mind to give him a list of all the things wrong in this shithole instead of the check.” You roll your eyes conspiratorially but in reality, you don’t know if you’ll make your half in tips or not. Maybe your boss will give you an advance. You’ll talk to him tonight. He was surprisingly reasonable so the odds were at least in your favor.

Either way, you’ll get the money. You just hope you’ll be able to put the nervous energy thrumming through your veins to good use.

Daichi Sawamura should not have come here tonight. The guys in the office had convinced him, said there was a new pretty girl who was exactly his type. But this place was not the sort he was used to coming to. It wasn’t that this establishment was a bad one or that he had any problem with it; people had to make money how they could. Empowerment and autonomy and all that. It was more that he felt a little inadequate if he was being completely honest with himself. He wouldn’t know what to do with someone from here. He was used to good girls, the ones who had a routine and didn’t like anything too kinky. Which was also fine. But there were things he wanted to try, had a suspicion he would like that he just couldn’t ask of anyone he’d been with. He scrubbed a hand over his face, realizing the conversation he was having completely in his head was stressing him out.

“Dai, bro, just relax. She’s pretty. You better tip her good but you don’t have to talk to anyone but me and the bartender if you don’t want to. Just enjoy the show.” Kuroo smirks at his friend; it has been a long week. It’s not like he doesn’t deserve to wind down. Part of him just wishes he was doing it in the comfort of his home, with his favorite ramen from around the corner and a good movie. But who knows, maybe he’s getting complacent.

So he sits in the seat Kuroo has pulled out for him, a front-row spot directly in the middle of the runway. Right in front of the center pole. The seats are comfortable and he’s got a whiskey neat in his hands. He can feel a little of the stress release from the muscles in his traps, can feel his jaw unclench just in the slightest as the first warm sip of whiskey flows down his throat.

This is fine, he reassures himself, pushing work from his brain. Kuroo takes a sip from his own drink, a fruity one that he insists is the most delicious ever but is just a little too sweet for Daichi. The place is in a lull right now, preparing for the next act. But soon there’s a growing murmur from the back. Someone whistles, and a few others catcall. Daichi bristles just a bit, but he can’t even see anything until you hit the steps and it’s then that Kuroo elbows him.

“That’s her,” he says, raising his voice so Daichi can hear over the now thrumming bass. He feels it in his toes, in his chest, in his head. But your steps, the bounce of your tits in a skimpy bright blue bikini top, he feels in his dick. It barely covers anything, just like the matching bottoms. Cute little bows keep them on your hips and your heels are a deep black. As you get closer, your walk slow and sensuous, he can see the peep toe and your fresh French manicure poking through. He tries to adjust his navy suit pants with little success. He’s in so much fucking trouble.

You strut up the steps, the blinking LED strips embedded into the floor blinking in rhythm with the bass and the rhythm of your hips. You put a little bit of extra attitude into the sway tonight, praying to any higher power that will listen that tonight will be a good one for tips, even though it’s your first show without any supporting performers. Part of you gets it; you’re new. The owner has to make sure you know how to use those doe eyes and amazing tits properly. The other part of you, the one that knows you’re hot and knows exactly what you’re doing, wanted to smirk a little when your boss had said you wouldn’t get a Friday on your own until you’d completed two weeks of bartending and shadowing.

Your hard work has paid off though, and when you take your place at the center of the runway, you know you have your audience hooked even before dancing. There’s one guy in particular, right below you. He got arguably the best seat in the house along with his friend. You’ve seen the friend before, all confidence, slicked-back black hair, and a steamy attractive smile. Your coworkers say he’s pretty regular and always tips well. Thank god. The one next to him though, you don’t know anything about him except for the fact that the five stages of something flow across his face as you make eye contact with him. The low lighting does nothing to hide the blush flushing from the open neck of his crisp white button up to his cheeks and over the bridge of his nose. He’s got a wad of cash already set casually on the bar top in front of him.

You smile, bright and unguarded, knowing. You’ll have the rest of Monday’s rent if he’s an indication of the rest of the customers that will be coming in tonight. He turns away, uncomfortable. Aw, how sweet. So unlike some of the slimy patrons you’re used to. Something you don’t like trips low in your belly. The biggest rule was no sex with any of the customers. It was in place for a reason and a majority of the time was a good one. You remind yourself of it as the song for your first dance starts playing over the speakers.

Buss it, buss it, buss it, buss it

Is you fuckin’? Two shots, fuck it

You take a deep breath, hands on the shiny silver pole, and wrap one leg around it. The metal is cold to the touch but something else has goosebumps crawling up your bare skin. When you spin, turning in the new guy’s direction, your suspicions are confirmed that the feeling is not the rest of the eyes on you but his. And his are suddenly, somehow, the only eyes you want to perform for. So you do.

Daichi can feel Kuroo snap to attention next to him; he can’t blame him. You’re stunning and you know it. You look like maybe you shouldn’t know how to do this so well, but none of that matters as all coherent thoughts leave Daichi’s head when you spin and drop, rolling your hips so your ass faces him. You turn and look at him as you rise slowly, a deliciously naughty smile still all over that pretty little mouth. He rushes to take a sip of his drink, drums his fingers on the bartop, runs them through his hair, anything to occupy his hands. Because he knows the only place they really should be is all over you. Oh, the things he would let you do to him. He’d do anything for you. He takes another gulp of whiskey, disappointed when he drains the heavy glass.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. He knew you were making eye contact with him but when you get on all fours and crawl to him like some lethal jungle cat, the end of the song nearing, he knows he’s in for it. And he’s okay with that. Any doubts he had, about being here at least, have vanished completely. He doesn’t know what’s gotten into him but he leans forward to meet you where you are at the edge of the stage. The crowd is roaring around him, the cheers only growing louder at the chemistry shooting like electricity through the air between the two of you. They’re jealous cheers he thinks, although he’s sure as hell not looking away long enough to check anyone’s expressions to confirm.

“Got anything good for me, pretty boy?” Your voice is pitched low as you blink big eyes at him, a smirk playing on your lips. Because, goddammit, he is pretty. Prettier than any other patrons you’d ever catered to. You would not mind if he came to be one of your regulars, regardless of any funds that might be exchanged. You would not mind if he came regularly—in your cunt, on your ass, on your tongue… A girl could take her pick with a man like him. Thick dark hair, glittering brown eyes, full lips. A barrel chest and wide shoulders to boot. No sex with the customers, no sex with the customers, no sex with the customers…

You watch, heat pooling low in your belly, as he unbinds the cash you had noticed earlier. You can’t quite figure him out. Because he’s making eye contact with you as he spreads the folded bills, licks his thumb, and pulls out two crisp Benjamins but there is a nervous tremor in his large hands as he passes the bills to you. Your eyes widen, the act dropping momentarily before you catch yourself and push out your bottom lip in a pout.

“Hm, a girl should get a little more than that for such a good performance, don’t you think?” You are completely used to this, the schpeel. You’ve done it thousands of times at the last place you worked and hundreds more at this club. It’s part of the persona within these walls. Mystery man is apparently not used to acting this way. You can see the war within him as you take the bills and he leans back, trying to be casual but every line of him is taught like a rubber band about to break.

“You here all night?” Don’t give anyone your schedule. If they like you enough, they’ll figure it out on their own by being a regular paying customer. You nod, liking this new game. Toeing around something you would normally consider dangerous, if only for all the variables far out of your control. But that makes it all the more fun, especially when he clicks his tongue behind his teeth and replies “Good, then so am I. I have more where that came from. Do you?”

Kuroo is watching the interaction with a gaping mouth. Daichi doesn’t have a clue where this new side of him is coming from. Except. Except he does. And it feels damn good. Despite being sure it is glaringly obvious that he is leaping so far out of his comfort zone, you seem to be very receptive. He shouldn’t be entertaining the idea of staying all night. He could use some sleep. But he could also use that mouth around his cock. You probably have rules, rules that should be followed, for your safety. Daichi knows he’s safe, but you don’t. He most definitely should not ask for your number or give you his or ask what time you’re off. You shouldn’t answer him.

But you do, nodding earnestly when he asks if you’ll be here all night. He has no choice. There’s something about you that he can’t shake off. The extra cash is of no consequence to him, and maybe, just maybe… No, he won’t let that thought go further. He won’t imagine how you’d look on your knees, or bouncing on his cock. He won’t imagine you writhing beneath him or securing him to his headboard with those cuffs he’d bought but never gotten to use. He won’t imagine you breathily calling him pretty boy again even though, fuck, he wishes you would so, so bad.

“What’s your name,” you ask before you can stop yourself, before you rise to your feet. The rules here are good ones, meant to keep both the patrons and performers safe.  You’d worked at other establishments before that didn’t care so much about safety so much as they cared about money.  Your radar has never been off in the past and maybe that shouldn’t be enough for you but everything about Mystery Man makes you want to break every rule ever set before you.  There’s something about him that makes you want to risk it all.  You want to hear him whimper and you’d place bets that you could get him to do it in record time.  Even now, his breathing is shallow and he seems unable to answer you.  His friend leans over, elbowing him into action.

“His name’s Daichi.  And mine’s Kuroo.  Ya know, in case you wanted to know.”  His smile is genuine, not creepy at all.  You return the grin as you stand before turning back to Daichi.  He straightens a little, snapped back to reality by his friend.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you say to Kuroo.  He is attractive, just not who you have your eyes set on.  But it’s good information to pass along to your coworkers.  Judging by his tailored suit that fits just as good as Daichi’s, you’d wager his job pays like his friend’s.  The music swells again, the DJ cueing to your next song.  “Kuroo, make sure your friend doesn’t go anywhere.  Tonight’s for him.”  Kuroo scoffs in friendly disbelief at Daichi’s luck.

“I’m hauling you to the club more often,” he says to Daichi, who flashes a quick small smile.  Oh god, that smile could bring anyone you know to their knees.  It could certainly do it to you.  That smile alone could get you to do anything Daichi would ask.  You point at Kuroo as you take your place at the center pole again.

“I’m holding you to that, Kuroo.”  You brace your hands one over the other on the pole, and shake your ass for all it’s worth.

Body crazy, curvy, wavy, big titties, little waist.

Daichi’s going to have a stroke, he just knows it.  He can feel the veins in his forehead and neck bulging.  The blood has flowed elsewhere too.  His cock is so hard it feels painful.  There are several different ways he could get relief, most of which he should not be considering seeking in a public area.  But it’s unbearable and there’s no way he’s going to let himself come in front of all these other people.  He waits for the end of your current number and then he’s standing so fast his chair screeches out behind him; a couple of people look his way but for the most part, you’ve got everyone’s attention.  Kuroo glances sideways at his friend; he doesn’t say anything, just smirks as Daichi tosses another hundred on the bar top, telling Kuroo to give it to you before rushing to the bathroom.

He makes his way down the hall and notices there are several doors marked RESTROOM in bold capital letters.  Thank god there are single-person stalls.  He stumbles into one, shutting the door and locking it with shaking hands.  The music is still audible, even here; it seems to have dropped to a low steady hum.  Intermission.  Perfect.  Daichi turns to the sink and splashes cold water on his face, one last attempt to snap himself out of this fucking trance.  Because that’s what this has to be.  He’s getting all hot and bothered over someone who he doesn’t even know.  And god, he wants to think that you like him but he knows he’s tipping good and he’s not one of those creeps that can’t recognize it’s your fucking job.

The image in the mirror is one that almost shocks him; his eyes are glazed, and his hair’s a mess.  Just once, he just needs to come once and then he can stay here until the end of the night like he said he would.  He’ll tip you like a good customer would.  Then he’ll leave and he’ll never come back.  Because this?  This is Daichi out of control and he’s not sure that’s a good thing.  Maybe he should go back to making love to nice girls in his king-sized bed.  Yes, that’s what he’ll do.  He’ll leave here and he won’t come back and he’ll never think of you again.

Daichi unbuckles his belt, the metal of the buckle clanking as he yanks his zipper down.  He lets out a pained breath, his cock straining against his underwear.  He slips his hand into the elastic band, taking it into his hand and bringing it out into the air.  He backs up to the wall, the cool air offering little comfort for the engorged head, and closes his fist around himself.  A breath comes fast and heavy out of his mouth as he starts jacking himself off slowly, trying to make the moment last.

You watch as Daichi stands abruptly, so quickly and sharply that he almost topples his chair over.  You watch as he tosses another bill on the bar top, leaning in to say something to Kuroo.  You watch as he throws one last glance your way before beelining to the bathrooms.  Idiot.  Absolute idiot is what you are because you’re making your way off the runway, ignoring the audience as a low boo goes through the crowd.  Your boss catches your eye from the end of the bar and waves you over.

“What the hell is going on?”  It’s not said unkindly but more with an air of annoyance.  This is your first Friday night on your own and you might be blowing it.  But you don’t care.  You put on a fake wince and point at your head, trying to look as contrite and imploring as possible.

“I’m so sorry, I know it’s my first Friday and I’m so grateful.  But I’ve really gotta pee and I’ve got this horrible headache starting.  Can I take ten?  Just ten minutes, enough time for an ibuprofen to set in while I go to the bathroom, and then I’ll be back out.  Please.”  You put those big eyes back to use, blinking slow and tilting your head slightly like you’re trying to relieve the pain of your fake headache.  Your boss squints his eyes but doesn’t protest as he pulls a bottle of Advil from behind the bar.  He hands you a couple with a glass of water.

“Ten minutes.  Go to the bathroom.  Take a breather.  Then get your ass back out there.  I’ve seen the business you’re encouraging after two sets.  You’ll be back up there as one of my main performers if you keep up the good work.”  You smile as you throw the pills back with the water and hurry in the direction of the restroom, pulling on one of the extra robes from the bar.  Now to find Daichi.

A couple is making out in the hallway; you brush past them and knock quietly on the first door.  A voice answers quickly that the stall is occupied but it’s not Daichi’s voice.  You knock on two more doors before getting to the last one.  You suppose he could have gone into the multi-stall restroom but you’d seen the look on his face when he’d stood and you’d bet all the cash he’d given you so far that he wasn’t coming back here to take a piss.  You rap your knuckles on the last single-person stall.  You’re rewarded with his voice coming from the other side.

“There’s someone-ha-there’s someone in here!”  He can barely get the words out; you know what’s going on in that stall and you want to help.  You rub your thighs together, realizing you’re already getting wet.

“Daichi, it’s me.”  This is stupid.  Maybe he doesn’t even like you that much.  Maybe you’re just some stripper at a strip club.  There’s a heavy silence now, almost solid enough that you could cut it with a knife.  Another pause and you’re getting ready to leave, cursing your confidence for all that it’s getting you, but then you hear the click of the door unlocking.  He opens it but only just so.  Still, it’s an invitation and one you are eager to accept.  You open the door just wide enough to slip through to shield yourself from any potential wandering eyes in the hall.  The scene inside the stall nearly wrecks you.

Daichi has backed up against the wall, as far away from you as humanly possible.  It’s so obvious that he’s been jacking himself off. His hair is messy, his eyes wild like he was already on the brink. He’s desperately trying to cover his cock with his hands and even though they’re large, they can’t cover it completely. You meet his gaze, which he tries to avoid, his eyes fluttering left then right with shame, before finally settling on you. Something trips across your skin.

“Babe, let me help you with that,” you whisper as you direct your line of sight to his cock. It twitches as you move closer, slowly, as if you’re approaching a cornered animal. Daichi groans a little when you reach him, one hand steadying on his shoulder and the other reaching up to touch his face.

“This is—this is not what it looks like, I swear. I promise I’m not some creep, I just—” You put a single finger softly to his lips, making sure he’s got his eyes on you. They widen just a bit. In the brighter light of the bathroom, you can see how rich the color of his irises are, golden brown like sunlight streaming through an autumn wood, or espresso, or something corny like that. Fuck the rules.

“Daichi, can I kiss you?” The question is out of your mouth before you can stop yourself. His mouth drops open but his eyes rove from yours down to your lips, then your covered chest, and back up. Finally, he nods so you guide his face down to yours and kiss him. His lips are soft and warm and pliable. He makes a little sound in the back of his throat, so unlike the image he’d put out walking in this place with his fine, tailored suit and stack of cash. Your hand slips from his shoulder and moves down the ridge of his pectoral, then lower still to the hard planes of his stomach. You trail your fingers over the now wrinkled fabric, close to his undone belt and open pants. His cock jumps against your abdomen past his hands and he gasps. “Is this okay?” You ask the question, certain that Daichi just needs the chance to give in. He nods again so you smooth your hand lower until it wraps around his cock.

Daichi’s head thunks against the wall of the bathroom as another sharp breath explodes from his open mouth. “Oh, fuck,” he growls quietly. You move your hand experimentally, softly, swiping your thumb across the head, gathering the bit of precome at the tip and smearing it about. You can’t decide what you want to look at more: the red bleeding over Daichi’s skin from the neck up, his heaving chest, or how his cock looks in your hands. He’s so… responsive. Each turn of your wrist has him shuddering beneath you. More. You need more. You want to see him beg. And part of you also realizes that he needs this too. You drop to your knees and his eyes snap back open as he watches you. “What’re you doing?”

“Only what you want me to do, Daichi. Unless you don’t want me to?” You don’t even finish your sentence before he’s shaking his head. He wraps his hand around yours, enveloping it, and moves it once, twice, over himself. A thought occurs to you, one you’re denying even as you ask him “Daichi, have you ever come down anyone’s throat?” The answer is obvious but you still feel incredulous as he tells you no. The veins in his hands are bulging and he’s still, like the calm before the storm. You lean in, maintaining eye contact, as you blow a breath over his cock. “Do you want to?”

It’s like you flipped a switch. Daichi, slowly now so you have time to pull away if you want to, curls his fingers in your hair, stroking them along your scalp. “Yes, please.” He whispers it, certain this is a dream. This has to be a fucking dream. He’s had a blow job before but never has he ever asked to come in someone’s mouth. He’s a clean guy but he’s not clueless; he just assumed most people thought it was gross and never had a problem with the fact that no one wanted to do that. At least not anyone he had been with. But, oh, he’d thought about it, lots of times. Most of those times in one night.

His pupils are blown wide as you lick your lips and take just the tip, swirling your tongue over the head. His skin is smooth, molten hot. The way your eyes never leave his is something else entirely and when you hollow out your cheeks and relax your throat to take all of him, he thinks he might die. He’s trying to maintain some semblance of control but it is already dwindling to nothing. There’s a coil building in his abdomen. Not yet he thinks viciously. Not yet. You take a few more pulls before releasing him with a pop. Frantic, he feels frantic. Maybe you decided you didn’t want to do this and he’d have to be okay with that, he couldn’t blame you but god damn—

“Daichi, eyes on me.” The man’s Adam’s apple bobs as he locks in on you again. “Let go, babe. Show me how you want it. Pull my hair. Set the pace. And when you’re gonna come, you come down my throat. Nowhere else, you got it? I’ve got five more minutes. Think we can get you there, pretty boy?” He nearly blacks out when you say those words he needed to hear again. Oh, yes, yes he’s sure you can. His eyes search yours once more before fisting his hand in your hair, tightening experimentally. You smile around his cock, deep-throating him once more, but waiting expectantly. He’s not going to come back from this. You’ve ruined anyone else for him. And he’s accepted his fate.

The moment he lets go, the moment he breaks down whatever wall is holding him in place, you can sense it. You place your hands on his thighs as he pulls you nearly all the way off before shoving you back down. Your eyes water just a bit but you feel the slick gather between your thighs. Yes, the girl inside of you that wants to see him to the end hisses. He sets the pace, a strong and quick one, but somehow still gentle. If you said you needed to stop now, you somehow know he’d do so immediately. He twists a little more, angling your head just how he wants it. You set your teeth down ever so lightly just to see….

Daichi whimpers and gasps, the sound nearly a sob on his lips. You swirl your tongue again and suck. “Ha—shit. Just. Just like that,” he grits out as he grips tighter. It hurts a little, your hair and your knees, but the pain swirls with the pleasure in a delicious slide of skin against skin. Your nails dig into his thighs again before he takes one of your hands and closes it around the base of his cock. You grip, working your wrist along with your mouth. He bucks against you, a jerky movement. “I’m close, fuckfuckfuck I’m close. I’m gonna come.” His voice lies somewhere between a bark and a whine. He can’t decide if he wants you closer, or farther, to stop or keep going. His brain is short-circuiting. He tries to pull back just a little bit, but you won’t let him in the best way possible.

You quirk your wrist and tilt your head in just a certain way… Daichi cries out, long and broken, as he curls in over you, his orgasm washing over him in waves so intense his vision goes black. His entire body shudders with his release, his form towering over you as he spurts ropes of come all the way down your throat. You milk him for all he’s worth. Not a single drop is getting away from you, no way in hell. Next time, you want him to come in your pussy. Next time? God, you want there to be a next time. He’s still leaning over you when his breathing slows and steadies; his hands are bracing themselves on your back rubbing soothing circles there with his thumbs. He helps you to your legs and steadies you for a moment.

The silence stretches on as you look at each other, both a little shocked at what just conspired. Daichi slowly puts himself back into his pants and you help him buckle his belt. You’re both on the verge of saying something either extremely brave or extremely stupid with each moment that passes. You’re about to make the first move again when he reaches up and takes your jaw in his hand, running a thumb along the corner of your mouth to gently push the last of his spend into your mouth. You lean into the touch and welcome his finger, sucking it clean just like his dick. He thinks he might be in love with you.

A breathless giggle comes out of you as you back away just a fraction, trying to give yourself space from the startling sensation fluttering in your stomach like butterflies. Your boss is gonna kick your ass if you don’t get back out on the floor. “I would invite you to my place to continue this after I’m off but it’s a little crowded and the walls are thin,” you say, hoping against hope that he wants more just as much as you do. There’s no room for doubt when he leans in and kisses you, deep and slow, tasting himself in your mouth.

“That’s no problem, princess. If you’re still feeling this when you’re off, I’ve got a penthouse all to myself.” Oh, there it is—the swagger you expected him to have. Your eyes glitter as you smooth out your hair, knowing it still looks good enough to perform. If anything, the smell of sex and the appearance of your swollen lips will get you better money, as long as your boss doesn’t catch on. You don’t think he will. “I’ll find you at the end of the night.” You nod, suddenly the bashful one.

Somehow, everything that just transpired did so all in your ten-minute break. In fact, you have one minute to spare as you strut back to the runway, giving your boss a wink and blowing a kiss to the stupefied audience.

“Harder, Daichi, harder.” You can barely get the words out as he thrusts inside of your aching cunt. Your face is pushed into the pillows on Daichi’s king-sized bed, your ass in the air. The sound of skin slapping on skin in the quiet of his room is pornographic but you can’t waste any thoughts on being even remotely embarrassed. Tears stream down your face as he continually hits that spot inside of you that you’ve only been able to hit with a dildo and even then it never came close to this. Daichi’s a machine, the way he keeps going. After you sucked him off and he came so quickly earlier in the night, he was determined to make this one last longer. One of his hands is gripping tightly into the plush of where your hip meets your ass cheek, the other is splayed over your back, even now caressing the skin, alighting it with goosebumps. “Oh, fuuuuuck,” you whine as that same hand snakes around to your neck to pull you up.

His fingers and palm ghost over the skin as he thrusts up into you and it’s all you can do to hold to his thighs for dear life, your nails digging in so hard you’ll know they’ll leave a mark. “Are you close, princess?” He whispers it labored into your ear, his breath hot, his mouth even hotter as he leans in to nip at your pulse point from behind. You nod frantically, almost unable to answer. “Can I come inside, baby? Will you let me? Will you let me be a good boy for you?” His hand moves from your throat to your clit, stroking one slow circle over the oversensitive nub. Thank god for birth control.

“Yes, Daichi, yes, come in my pussy. Oh, god, yes be a good boy for me.” You squeal as he thrusts hard, once, twice, swiping his fingers over your clit again in a more concentrated pattern and you feel your first orgasm of the night sweep over you as Daichi finds his own release with a mangled, animalistic groan.  You think he’s done, especially when he pulls out leaving you feeling way too empty.  But you’re wrong, so, so wrong.  He proceeds to flip you over and push back in, a ring of white forming around where he’s begun thrusting inside of you again.  

“I thought about this all fucking night.”  He surges up over you, grabbing your wrists and pulling them above you.  “I thought about that pretty little cunt around my cock.  I thought about how pretty you’d look laying in my bed.”  One thrust, slow and teasing.  You roll your hips up to meet him, even though your thighs are weak and shaking.  “I’ve never–I’ve never fucked anyone like this before, it’s,” he leans in to suck on your pulse again, runs his tongue over the salty skin there, “magical.”  You whimper beneath him when you feel the familiar coil tightening once more in your belly.  

“Do you think I can make you come again, Daichi?  Can you come for me one more time?”  He groans, sealing his lips over yours as he releases your hands so that can pull him closer into you.  You scrape your nails from the nape of his neck into his hair, and grip, breathless, as his rhythm becomes choppy again.  God, you don’t know how he’s still going.  The two of you are so frenzied, the blood in your veins hotter than a blue flame.  “Look at me when you come, baby, look at me,” you whisper, bringing your hands to his cheeks.  His eyes are glazed, his face strained but still beautiful.  “I’m going to touch myself now, okay?”  His mouth pops open again as he nods, before watching as you wrap one arm around his shoulder and bring your other hand to your clit.  You swipe around his cock, collecting some of the mess you’ve both made there.  You know how to pleasure yourself and with Daichi’s expert stroke, it doesn’t take long before it snaps over you, the walls of your pussy squeezing around him forcing spend from him one more time.  It’s not as explosive as the first time but still enough that you can feel the wet leaking out onto his sheets.  “So good for me, Daichi, look how good you are for me,” you chant as you wring the last of the pleasure from each other.

When it’s over, he stills, pulling out of you and collapsing onto the bed beside you.  There’s a sheen of sweat covering you both.  The cool early morning air coming in Daichi’s open window creates the perfect juxtaposition of sensations.  He reaches over to trace patterns into your palm.  “Can I hold you?”  The question is so sweet, it makes you huff out a laugh.  The man just blew your back out and he asks if he can hold you.  But you are more than willing to oblige him so you roll into his open arm and lay your head on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart.  You wait a moment before looking up at him, relishing the feeling of his fingers now tracing patterns into your arm and shoulder.

“Didn’t you mention something about handcuffs earlier?”  He looks down at you jerkily, a sheepish grin on his face.  You smile mischievously.  You’re going to ruin him.  He’s going to let you.  And he’s going to love it.

“Let me make you breakfast first, yeah?”  You nod and breathe in the smell of him, all sex and musk and expensive cologne.  Neither one of you knows where this is going to go but right now, it doesn’t matter.  You yawn and snuggle closer.

“Just so you know,” you intone sleepily, “I like French toast.”  He laughs softly, his own body relaxing into a lazy slumber.

“Hm, French toast?  I pinned you as a pancake kinda girl.  Good thing I also like French toast and always keep the supplies in to make it.”  His breathing is slow and shallow, matching the rhythm of yours.  The sun peeks over the cityscape around you as the two of you go under, cradled in each other’s arms.

This work and its digital elements (photo credit to photographer) are © Kait of @kaitsawamura 2024. Please do not alter or copy this work. Please do not repost this work to other platforms without my express permission.

[yeonjunszn]

ASAP!

PAIRING! mark lee x f!reader

GENRES! fluff﹒crack﹒slice of life?

WARNINGS! as per usual, it is not a yeonjunszn smau without my sailors mouth — so mature language, coffee shop!au cause i work in one and couldn’t resist myself, this smau is actually a recreation of a yeonjun smau called cool it! by my bff past tumblr user yuitaru, manager mark era, kinda dumb reader (affectionate) era, milf lover jeno, insane jaemin and hyuck, chenle in his nepotism baby era tbh, there’s a fight scene somewhere, also annoying fluffy cute disgusting scenes here and there, an overt amount of coffee shop/barista references bc i am a master at my craft, mr. choi yeonjun has a cameo to pay homage to the original cool it!, ignore time stamps cause i was lazy lol, lmk if i missed anything!

FEAT! the rest of nct dream, yangyang + xiaojun + hendery from wayv, chaewon from le sserafim, sumin from stayc, mingi + the rest of the ateez ‘99 line, and yeonjun from txt

SUMMARY! you’re not exactly the best barista at zhong coffee, but for some unknown reason (his massive crush on you), mark thinks you can do no wrong. sick and tired of his favoritism and your lack thereof due to absolute obliviousness, your coworkers are determined to fix this problem. asap.

STATUS! completed!

BEGINNING! june 1, 2023

END! august 31, 2023

MORE! HELLOOOO im back bffs 😵 did u miss me??? i have a quick little disclaimer for u guys so i don’t get accused of stealing 😻😻😻🫶

thank u so much to rina my bff bestie soulmate for giving me the rights to recreate cool it! and sort of bring back such a fun smau </3 i’ve been working on asap! for quite some time now, between work and school, and i’m so excited i can finally share her with all of u 🫶 i do plan on going back to all my works that are on hold (including my 1k event LOL) but i was sort of burnt out for a while which is why i did all this in absolute silence 😋👍 anyway!! i hope i did her justice <3 send an ask to join the taglist!!

PROFILES! mark’s biggest haters | espresso patronum | the rest of chenle’s coffee maids

ONE! please no tweeting on the clock, y/n!

TWO! manager zoned is crazy

THREE! BACK OF THE LINE PAL

FOUR! go work at mcdonald’s or something

FIVE! common chenle L

SIX! i always knew u were a furry

SEVEN! call me karen from mean girls

EIGHT! mark antis 1 - mark 0

NINE! the best ever (1.1k)

TEN! NANEUN ALCOHOL-FREE GEUNDE CHWIHAE

ELEVEN! YESSSS GO GIRL BOSS

TWELVE! i don’t owe u shit freeloader

THIRTEEN! force and sheer determination

FOURTEEN! yoooo mark how it be? what it do?

FIFTEEN! pick me choose me

SIXTEEN! lunch break (499)

SEVENTEEN! DONG SICHENG ?

EIGHTEEN! hey guys this is god

NINETEEN! i will force his hand into a blender

TWENTY! chocolate croissant (841)

TWENTY ONE! #xiaojun_out

TWENTY TWO! grinders and coffee beans (951)

TWENTY THREE! what is a marky/n

TWENTY FOUR! shaking shivering sobbing

TWENTY FIVE! every summertime (1.08k)

TWENTY SIX! worlds worst barista. fired.

TWENTY SEVEN! cool it

© yeonjunszn. do not steal, claim, or repost.

[ciaonicole85]

ESCAPING INTO A SHIP

So what exactly made me latch onto the Sydcarmy ship like a leech on a water buffalo?

It was unexpected (for me)! Yes, the very first meeting between Syd and Carm did make an impact. I thought "Oooh, what's this?!" However, Carmy was/is such a mess that I quickly dismissed it. And Sydney just seemed to want his professional approval and a partner in making something great after the soul-crushing failure of Sheridan. So, the first season I personally didn't feel a mutual sexual/romantic tension, more like an automatic respect and shared goals/passions. Sydney nor Carm were obviously trying to flirt. Most slow burns on TV are 100% obvious like a Jeanine and Gregory (Abbott Elementary), Nick and Jess (New Girl), Jake and Amy (Brooklyn 99), Jim and Pam (The Office)...Until Braciole Ep. 8 that is.

S. 1 Episode 8- I won't get into everything but Carmy was desolate. Yes, he became a psycho chef and two people quit in Ep.7. However, he mourned Sydney more than Marcus. She was in his flashback/nightmare (?), then the way he told Tina that she looked like Syd (the poor pup), him texting her before opening the note from Mikey, and finally the most gorgeous locked gaze scene since Pride and Prejudice (2005). The soft lighting, the music, the colors, the mind-reading...magical. I still didn't get it initially. Silly, blind me.

Mentorship where??? Season 2 Carm and Syd's "mentorship" dynamic is pretty much over. They are true partners and spending more time together. They're dressing alike even when not in uniform, finishing each other's sentences or talking in unison. Sydney is opening up more of herself and Carm is asking to know more. They use the ASL sign for sorry with each other and no one else until ep 10. Then there's that locker scene in ep. 1 or 2, when they almost hang out just cause. However, Carmy misses the moment and there's the return of the kicked pup face. Before being on the ship I was delighted with all of their scenes and was looking forward to the food tour. They just ROCK together on screen.

Classic Love Triangle- Who's Claire? She's "Claire Bear", the prototypical "cool girl", who is willing to chase an socially awkward, wrong-number-giving man, despite being a pretty ER resident with no shortage of options. Did a CW writer get hired? Anyways, why was her presence used almost exclusively to put strain on Carmy and Sydney's relationship instead of The Bear generally? We could have had scenes with Nat, Richie, and Marcus arguing with Carmy about him being distracted due to Claire. They saved 99% of that for Sydney. They CHOSE to insert her in between or just after scenes with him and Claire. Showing Sydney's tattoos and her getting dressed with the stained chef's coat juxtaposed with them was WILD.

I LOVE that both believe their interpersonal problems are solely about The Bear/business partnership. In most "slowburns" the characters are far more conscious and actively work to keep things platonic. Jeremy might be a smidge aware that Sydney means more to him after the panic attack, but I bet he's shoved it down. All he knows afterward is that being with Claire feels wrong hence ignoring her call and recommitting to SYDNEY. He could of said "You all/This/The Bear deserve my full focus etc..." He was also nagged into greeting Claire at Friends and Family, seemed anxious when Fak brought her up right before The Table scene, and also while explaining that "she's great" to Sydney. He was at peace when focused on Sydney in the moment below.

The actors: Jeremy and Ayo's real life friendship is warms my soul and their chemistry onscreen is amazing. DON'T WASTE IT!!!

Jeremy smolders on screen. I want to see Carmy continue to stare, yearn, fall, then eventually confess and for Sydney to reciprocate his feelings. Anyhoo, does anyone else melt when Carm means business?! They do this twice in season one and it's not good for me. Whew, I need to clean my whole house or run a few miles.

Finally, there's so many other parallels between these two. They are fearful avoidants, have a missing or dead parent, jacked up stomachs, use sarcasm, but are generally very earnest, they struggle with anxiety, are compassionate, are perfectionists, peace-makers, give people multiple chances, are workaholics...so much more. A lot of that is also ME, lol.

Sydcarmy is my Roman Empire. I love them as much as you can fictional characters and they deserve the most tender, angsty, triumphant, romantic best-friends to more love story.

[khaire-traveler]

Is it the gods, an imposter/trickster spirit, or your own trauma?

The reason I am choosing to make this post is because I've seen an increase in the trickster/imposter spirit talk in polytheist and pagan spaces, and I feel like I have some personal experience with this that may be helpful to share with others. Whether you agree or disagree with me is entirely up to you, and I am not trying to force anyone to follow the same belief system as me, since we all have a different truth, but I wanted to share my take on things in case it can be useful to someone, so without further adieu, here we go.

I feel like there is a serious problem within pagan spaces of individuals projecting their personal traumas onto gods.

I'm just gonna outright say it: this is a very real problem within the pagan (and the polytheist) community. So, what exactly do I mean by this? How are people "projecting their traumas onto gods"?

When I say this, I don't mean to imply that people are doing this intentionally. In fact, I think that 99% of the time people are doing this without realizing it. It takes a serious level of self-awareness to recognize when one is projecting traumas onto a situation, and in my experience, therapy often aids significantly in making these types of discoveries; once you recognize it within yourself, sometimes you can also recognize similar behaviors in others (do not diagnose anybody with anything, though, or assume you know everything about them and their life).

Personally, I have done a lot of self-reflection and have become very aware of behaviors and experiences I've had in the past where I've projected my trauma onto the gods. For a lot of these experiences, at the time, I thought I was going through a situation with imposter spirits or "deity drama" (experiencing some kind of major drama with the gods), but looking back, I have spotted several underlying patterns (I suggest always looking for underlying patterns within your own situations; are your situations often very similar to each other, and do they remind you of situations from your past) within all of these scenarios - they have always been connected in one way or another, whether it be by the type of things the "gods" or "spirits" are communicating to me (what they are saying) or the type of situation I've gotten myself into with these entities (the type of drama I'm experiencing/how the situation plays out; e.g. it relates to some form of abandonment, hyper-criticism, emotional abuse, etc.).

In order to tell if these things are trauma-related, I've found that stopping and asking myself a few questions has been really helpful.

First, I asked myself, "When was the first time I felt this way in my life?" By that, I am asking myself when I first felt the emotion I'm feeling in the given situation (does this situation feel familiar, does this sense of sense of abandonment feel familiar, does this feeling of helplessness feel familiar, etc.). You'd be surprised how many times the answer to this question in a "negative experience with the gods" has been yes (100% of the time, actually).

The second question I ask myself is, "Would [insert deity name here] actually do [insert problem/bad experience here] to me?" Remember to think very critically about this question. It can be easy to think - especially if you have religious trauma - that some deity would really spend their time focused on "punishing" or berating you in particular, but realistically speaking, would a deity really spend their time tearing you down instead of lifting you up? Would they really spend their time telling you about how awful you are, how disappointed they are, how you're doing everything wrong, etc., especially if this is a deity you have been historically very close with? Why would this deity be upset with you in the first place? Now, sometimes deity DO get upset with us for our actions (and it is important to note that you may not click with every deity you encounter), but even then, keep in mind that deities are extremely mature and ancient beings; they aren't going to treat you in a cruel, or even abusive, manner. If you don't think deities are mature enough to treat and respect you as an actual person, maybe you should examine why you feel this way about them. Do you expect to be treated as less than a person by other people as well? Have you been treated this way in the past? Look for possible connections to your past traumas before completely discounting the idea that these beliefs are entirely unbiased.

With the third question, it's important to think very critically about your situation. "Why would [insert deity name here] treat me this way?" When answering this question, make sure to consider also asking yourself if you expect to be treated this way by other humans; the answer to that can be very telling. Some people also assume deities will treat them a certain way due to a deity's mythos. It's imperative to realize that a deity is often very different from their mythos in reality. Mythology isn't typically meant to be interpreted literally. Most of the time, mythology was there to explain things that didn't make sense to humans at the time, such as the seasons changing or the sun moving across the sky. Of course, that wasn't the only purpose of mythology, but it was one of the many. Along with that, deities were often paired with the cultural values of the time, such as Hades kidnapping Persephone being a common practice in ancient Greece when "taking a wife" or Zeus giving Persephone's hand in marriage without telling Demeter or Persephone first (fathers were seen as having the right to marry off their daughters, with or without consent). Consider the cultural context of a deity's mythos before immediately assuming a deity is accurately represented by it. Again, deities are extremely mature and ancient beings, so realistically, would such a wise, knowledgeable, and very mature being treat you in whatever way you think they're treating you now? Why do you think this?

A simple and easy answer for a deity acting out of character that people have come up with is "it's an imposter/trickster spirit", but...is it really? Or could it just be your personal traumas reflecting onto that deity? Do these situations feel a bit familiar to you? Do these harsh criticisms sound like something you'd maybe even say to yourself when in a negative state of mind? How would this spirit know how and when to target all of your deepest insecurities (spirits cannot just randomly read minds, in my experience)? Would it even be worth it for a spirit to impersonate a deity (think of the potential consequences they'd face for pretending to be a literal god; if humans were punished for their hubris, just think of what would happen to a spirit)? Would a deity really just allow some random spirit to impersonate them, and if so, why do you think this? Random spirits are not more powerful than literal gods - remember this. Do you think a god wouldn't at least try protect their worshippers from imposters in some way? Why would some spirit pretend to be a god anyway? What would they have to gain from you?

Rather than it being an imposter/trickster spirit "messing with you", could it really be your personal trauma manifesting itself within your mind?

A good example of something actually being trauma, within my personal life, is when I thought that Hermes was permanently leaving my life. After the fact, I blamed my experiences on an imposter/trickster spirit, but when I actually stopped and examined the situation, I realized it was a culmination of past traumas and fears coming to light and manifesting themselves within my mind. I began almost looking for reasons why Hermes would want to leave my life and told myself that he was going to "abandon" me, despite receiving tarot readings, and even some dreams, that were reassuring me Hermes was sticking around. I had constant nightmares about the situation, misinterpreted signs as being negative, and was constantly anxious about Hermes' perception of me. When I reflected on times in the past where I perceived to have been abandoned by others, I realized that this situation was eerily similar to these past traumatic events in my life. I took a step back from the situation, calmed my nerves as best as I could, and reproached the situation with a clearer and more stable mind. Sometimes taking that step back can help significantly in figuring out the true cause of a spiritual problem.

Why are deities so easy to project our traumas onto?

As is everything within this post, this is my personal opinion; you don't have to agree with me.

Personally, I believe deities act as mirrors into our subconscious. They reflect parts of ourselves that we choose to hide from, often to aid in our personal growth. Sometimes, though, they do this unintentionally, and I think it's something that's just inherent in their nature. I can't fully explain it, but it's definitely a phenomenon that I've seen time and time again within both my own practice and the practices of others.

As well as this, deities are intangible beings that we often cannot hear, see, or physically interact with. When you can't hear what someone is trying to say to you explicitly, your own biases and experiences often do the work for you in interpreting what that person is trying to communicate. It becomes alarmingly easy to assume that they're upset with you, randomly leaving your life forever, and so on. Think of a time where maybe a friend didn't respond to a text you sent and you thought they were upset at or ignoring you. When you have existing traumas involving people abandoning, ignoring, or even just being generally upset with you by not interacting with you, it becomes extremely easy to misinterpret the actions of others as something more malicious. It becomes extremely easy to project your past traumatic experiences onto completely unrelated situations and people. This is the same for deities, especially since you cannot hear, see, or physically interact with them.

What should you do if you discover that you've been projecting trauma onto a deity?

Chances are that if you've been projecting trauma onto a deity, they're already aware of it. In fact, they may have been trying to help reassure you or send communicate that the situation is not what it seems. You can find this is signs/reminders that they're still a part of your life, divination readings that everything is ok (despite you thinking or feeling otherwise), comforting dreams featuring the deity of symbols of said deity, and so on. Try looking for these signs and/or messages within your life, and see what you can find.

In rare cases, the deity may have been entirely unaware of the situation. I think, either way, it's best to communicate with this deity and tell them what you suspect has been going on. If you feel the need, you can offer an apology and maybe provide an offering as a way to make amends, but in my opinion, you never have to apologize for experiencing trauma and not knowing how to properly cope with it. Therapy exists for a reason, and trauma isn't something that you have to be ashamed of. Deities are very understanding and forgiving, and more than likely, they're not going to judge you for having potentially projected trauma onto them. In my experience, you have nothing to be afraid of.

If you're still unsure whether you are projecting trauma onto a deity or not, that's ok. Sometimes you never really get a concrete answer. When that happens, my advice is to move past the situation as best you can. You can give offerings to the deity and tell them, "I need to move past this situation with you because it is negatively affecting my mental health and well-being. When I am more stable/feeling better, we can readdress the issue," and take a step back from the problem for a while. It is more than ok to need space and time away from a deity or a situation to focus on your own wellness. If something is extremely triggering or upsetting for you, let your deity know, and take that step back that you need. You can always come back to the issue later, when you feel readier and more equipped to tackle the problem. Sometimes it just takes time for the issue to resolve itself, too. Either way, always prioritize yourself and your well-being.

Conclusion

It's clear that my stance regarding trickster/imposter spirits is simply that they aren't really a thing. This doesn't mean spirits can't be problematic (because they absolutely can), but I just personally feel that spirits aren't pretending to be gods. Spirits can certainly cause issues in other ways, such as messing with divination, causing you to feel uncomfortable/uneasy, or even being generally antagonistic towards you, but I don't personally believe they impersonate gods. It just doesn't seem realistic or worth it to me, especially when considering the fact that there will more than likely be massive consequences for such actions. It's more than ok if you disagree with me, but I'd like to ask that you don't reply to my post with an argument. This post is meant to give advice and share my personal thoughts, not start a debate about the existence of trickster/imposter spirits. To be completely honest, this is a triggering topic for me, but I wanted to make this post because I've seen so many new pagans and polytheists get discouraged or even straight up decline the opportunity to worship deities solely because they're scared of accidentally interacting with trickster spirits, and I want to reassure them by providing an alternative to out of character deity interactions. Plus, I haven't really seen anybody talk about this before, so I figured I'd hopefully shed some light on a topic that isn't usually discussed but is clearly a recurring issue within pagan and polytheist communities.

ANYWAY, thank you for reading this massive block of text! I hope it gave you some insight or at least a new perspective on this issue. Take care, and have a wonderful day/night! May your gods bless you, if you so wish them to. 🧡☺️

[floridensis]

inaturalist user henrydelange made this site that has achievements based on your inaturalist observations!

check out your achievements here:

https://wild-achievements.mywild.co.za/

and if you dont have an account yet, i super recommend getting an account, and maybe you can use the achievements to get you started!

what achievements do you have? feel free to share!

heres what mine are and what they mean under the cut (it seems to stop after 10k observations, which won’t be a problem for a lot of people but i have about 3k observations that werent counted)

Legend - Expert:

Heart Of The Matter Obtain 13 observations of threatened species.

Not A Bug Obtain 201 observations of species commonly thought to be "bugs", but aren't: Myriapods, Arachnids, Entognathans and Insects which are not true Bugs.

Toads and Toadstools Obtain 42 observations of either Toads (and Frogs) or Mushrooms. 

Self Pollinator Add comments on 50 of your own observations. 

Always On Make 120 observations over a 5 day period.

King Fisher Obtain 33 Fish observations. 

Daisy Town Obtain 77 Daisy observations. 

Night Owl Obtain 12 Owl or Nightjar observations at night (after 6PM and before 6AM).

Rat King Obtain 25 observations of Rodents. 

Name Giver Contribute 2000 identifications on observations.

Not Seeing Is Believing Make 50 observations that are annotated with "Evidence of Presence" other than "organism".

 Craney Herkon Storker Obtain 24 observations of Cranes, Storks and Herons.

Classy Observer Make observations in 21 different taxonomic classes.

Life Lister Obtain 365 observations with different species level (or lower) identifications in one year. 

My Microcosm Make 12 observations of Bacteria, Diatoms, Rotifers, Tardigrades, Archaea, Protozoans, Nematodes and Viruses.

Flower Child Make observations of 25 different orders of Flowering Plants.

I Lichen Moss Obtain 31 observations of Lichens and Mosses.

Proficient - Casual

So Many Bugs Obtain 99 observations of true Bugs. 

Homely Hermit Make 24 observations over 7 days of any Hermit Crabs, Tortoises, Turtles, Snails or Bagworm Moths. 

Catch Of The Day Observe 5 Fish (or Shark) over a 5 day period, with at least one observation on each consecutive day.

Social Butterfly Obtain 30 observations of Lepidoptera (Butterflies and Moths), with comments added to the observation. 

Forever Spring Observe a Flowering Plant that is annotated as "flowering" on each week of the year (calculated as 52 periods of 7 days each, starting from January 1st). 

Employee Of The Month Make 31 observations of Ants, Termites or Honey Bees in one month. 

Tentacle Suckers Observe 8 species of animals with tentacles (Octopus, Squid, Jellyfish and Sea Anemones). 

Air Lovers Obtain 30 observations of Swifts, Swallows, Albatrosses or Vultures.

Cats and Dogs Obtain observations of both Feline and Canine species on the same day, 9 times. 

Plenty Of Places Make observations in 20 distinct 0.5 degree grids.

All Corners Keep making observations to learn more about this achievement!

Old Geeser Keep making observations to learn more about this achievement!

Strider Keep making observations to learn more about this achievement! 

It's still a mystery... Keep making observations to learn more about this achievement! 

[the-himawari]

A3! Rurikawa Yuki - Translation [SSR] MANKAI Feature (3/3)

*Please read disclaimer on blog; default name set as Izumi

---

Yuki: All ready. The costumes are perfect.

Tenma: I didn’t expect all of us to be told to appear in the spin-off…

Kumon: I’m super stoked though!

Yuki: It’s better for Washimiya to have lots of foils, isn’t it?

Izumi: Washimiya-san, use your carrot and stick to pull everyone along, alright?

Yuki: Of course. I’m going to work them to the bone.

Izumi: Fufu, sounding dependable! Alright, let’s start filming.

-pause-

Akiyama [Kumon]: “Line up!”

All members: “Thank you very much!”

Izumi: (All the members begin cleaning up and maintaining the grounds. Washimiya starts putting away the equipment.)

Akiyama [Kumon]: “I was told they’re fine with the clean-up over there, so I’m gonna help out over here.”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “Thanks. That helps.”

Akiyama [Kumon]: “Say, how’s everyone doing these days from your point-of-view?”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “I suppose you’re all looking better than the beginning.” “But you’ve only gotten better. We need to keep improving everyone’s abilities from here on out.” “That includes you, of course.”

Akiyama [Kumon]: “…Got it! I feel like we’ll be able to make it to nationals if we’re with you, Washimiya-san.”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “Don’t feel it. We’re going.”

Akiyama [Kumon]: “…So, Washimiya-san—"

Washimiya [Yuki]: “Hm?”

Izumi: (Akiyama seems to be asking something. However, Ono then interrupts them.)

Ono [Muku]: “Ah, here you two are.” “It sounds like it’s going to rain tomorrow, so we might have to take practice indoors.”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “Got it. Thanks, Ono.”

Ono [Muku]: “No problem! Don’t even mention it!”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “Alright, if it rains tomorrow, how about we crank up the muscle training regime?”

Akiyama [Kumon]: “I know it’s important to bulk up, but please don’t go overboard…”

Ono [Muku]: “She’s harsh as ever. But Washimiya-san’s cute saying it with such a happy look on her face…”

-pause-

Izumi: (The next day… it rained, just like Ono said it would. The baseball club is practicing inside.)

Enomoto [Kazunari]: “Since it’s pouring today, can’t we do a light workout and head home early!?”

Uehara [Misumi]: “I’ll do as much muscle training as I can, but…”

Inoue [Tenma]: “You know there’s no way Washimiya’s gonna let us off with a light workout.”

Akiyama [Kumon]: “Ahahaha…”

Ono [Muku]: “Just because it’s true doesn’t mean you should say it…”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “Thanks for waiting, guys.”

Enomoto [Kazunari]: “Not at all! Don’t worry ‘bout it. Anyways, looking cute today as always, Washimiya-san~.”

Uehara [Misumi]: “Her smile is dazzling…”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “I came up with a muscle training regime for all of you today.” “Even though everyone’s gradually improving, your strength and endurance still vary.” “Here you go. Take a look at all of your menus.”

Enomoto [Kazunari]: “Lemme see~… woah, there’s quite a lot here, isn’t there!?”

Inoue [Tenma]: “Ugh… this menu doesn’t pull any punches either.”

Uehara [Misumi]: “I think I’ll get more and more into muscle training when I think about the fact Washimiya-san made this just for me.”

Ono [Muku]: “It looks like I’ll be able to train a lot. But I’m worried whether I can handle it…”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “…By the way, I forgot an umbrella today.” “The guy who finishes their workout first gets to go home while sharing an umbrella with me.”

Enomoto [Kazunari]: “Seriously!? I feel motivated all of a sudden!”

Ono [Muku]: “I’ll try my best, Washimiya-san!”

Uehara [Misumi]: “I’ll be sure to finish first…!”

Inoue [Tenma]: “Those guys really don’t care whether she has a boyfriend or not, huh?”

Akiyama [Kumon]: “It looks like it…”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “If that gives them a source of motivation, then it’s fine.”

-pause-

Akiyama [Kumon]: “99… 100!” “*Pant, pant*… finished!”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “Good job. What do you know, Akiyama finished first. Even you can do it sometimes.”

Akiyama [Kumon]: “Sometimes… well, whatever.”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “It looks like the other members are still going to take a while. Let’s wait a bit.”

Akiyama [Kumon]: “Got it. …I thought this as I was working out and watching everyone. It’s just like you said, Washimiya-san—all of us are getting stronger.” “We’re taking it one step at a time, but I feel like we’re getting closer to nationals.”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “…Hey, by the way. Weren’t you saying something to me yesterday?”

Akiyama [Kumon]: “Huh?”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “It was back when we were chatting about nationals while cleaning up.”

Akiyama [Kumon]: “Ahh… right.” “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I just wanted to ask what nationals means to you.” “I mean, you’ve been saying you’re aiming for nationals from the very start, right?”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “What nationals means to me, huh…” “I’m sure it’s no different from any other high school baseball player.” “Nationals is the one and only stage of dreams for high school baseball players. It’s simply the same for me as well.” “The day my father took me to watch nationals when I was a kid…” “My heart was pounding at the passionate battles between the players and the cheers that resounded through the air.” “I decided when I was little… that I wouldn’t forget that passion, and I would also go there one day.” “That’s why I’m your manager now. That’s all there is to it. …See. Nothing different, right?”

Akiyama [Kumon]: “…Yeah, it’s no different. But in that case, you should’ve went to a stronger school…”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “Well, there were some things I didn’t expect when I joined this baseball team. But pushing your team to the top by yourself is also interesting.” “In any case, I’ve decided I’m going to nationals with this team.”

Akiyama [Kumon]: “Washimiya-san… Yeah. Let’s make it to nationals!”

Enomoto [Kazunari]: “Hah, hah, hah. Done… err, you’re finished already, Akki!?”

Uehara [Misumi]: “Geh, Akiyama took first place…”

Enomoto [Kazunari]: “We worked our butts off though~!”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “Good job, everyone! You guys hit it out of the park.”

Inoue [Tenma]: “It really did help improve their motivation.”

Akiyama [Kumon]: “I finished my workout first, but I’m fine. If someone else wants to go home with Washimiya-san, then feel free.”

Ono [Muku]: “A-are you sure!?”

Uehara [Misumi]: “Alright!”

Enomoto [Kazunari]: “Akki! Thanks, bud! If that’s cool with you, then let’s decide fair and square over rock-paper-scissors!”

Uehara [Misumi]: “Bring it on.”

Ono [Muku]: “I wanna go home under one umbrella with Washimiya-san…! I hope I win!”

Enomoto [Kazunari]: “Here goes! One, two!”

Enomoto & Ono & Uehara: “Rock, paper, scissors! And again! And again!”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “…Ah, I got a message on my phone. It sounds like my boyfriend’s coming over to pick me up. I gotta go.”

Ono [Muku]: “EH!? What about sharing the umbrella!?”

Washimiya [Yuki]: “I guess on another rainy day? Anyways, see you.” “By the way, you’re supposed to do the workout menu today, every day.”

Enomoto [Kazunari]: “S-say it ain’t so~!”

Enomoto & Ono & Uehara: “WASHIMIYA-SAAAN!!”

-pause-

*hits*

Tenma: Are you kidding me…!

Kazunari: Nice batting, Kumopi!

Kumon: Awww yeah!!

Muku: Ahaha. That’s certainly Kyu-chan for you.

Misumi: Amazing, amazing~! You’re so cool, Kumon! High five!

Kumon: Yay!

Tenma: Phew. Should we take a short break now?

Muku: Sure.

Yuki: Here. I prepared drinks.

Kazunari: Thanks, fam~! Phew, that hits the spot~. I’m coming back to life~!

Misumi: Hey, hey. Won’t you play some baseball, Yuki~?

Yuki: No thanks. It’s hot.

Kumon: Eh~. Even after all the effort you put into your passionate performance for First Crush Baseball~.

Yuki: …I feel like I can understand the current Washimiya better by watching over everyone like this.

Muku: ? Did you say something, Yuki-kun?

Yuki: …Nope, nothing.

---

previous |

[firecoloredwater]

Ask meme: 6, 7, 22, 30

...I had the answers 99% done and then my computer froze and I had to restart and lost all of them. So OKAY, TRYING AGAIN

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

Not really! I wish I did. I am apparently very weird in that a fic (or anything I read) needs to be a certain amount of unfamiliar, or my brain won't engage enough for me to enjoy it. If I've reread something too much then my brain will go 'oh I know what's happening, I don't need to pay attention' and wander off and get distracted. Making myself focus deliberately just means being bored and annoyed. I am also really good at remembering stories (and like nothing else) so I can read a fic twice, maybe three times if it's especially long/complex, before I have to put it down for anywhere from some months to a few years to let myself forget enough details to make it new enough to read again. (For related reasons, I basically never read my own fics for enjoyment. I'll reread to refresh my memory before writing more, or while rereading comments, but I know my own fics too well to really ever approach them as a reader. I might get enjoyment from 'oh I actually pulled that alliteration/foreshadowing/etc off well' but not just from reading the story.)

7. How many ideas for fics do you have right now?

Uhhhhh somewhere in the range of infinite. Depends on how you define ideas for fics? If you mean fics I'm actively working on/hoping to write in the near future, that would be... about 6-8, probably? But if you mean fics I'd like to write even if I don't actually expect to have the chance, that gets up into several dozen immediately. If you include ideas that I haven't specifically thought about how I'd write them, then we're probably into the hundreds. I am an endless font of ideas and it does not turn off.

22. Do you know how your fic will end before you start writing?

Usually vaguely! But it ranges from 'and then everything is good the end' to like, a two-sentence bullet point of the ending scene(s). I don't plan ahead in much detail, because I do a lot of discovering and adding things as I write, and what I throw in that way will affect later scenes. So if I had a lot of detail planned for the end, I'd just have to replan/rewrite anyway when I got there, and probably be annoyed about losing lines I liked. So it works out better for me and the fic if I keep my plans minimal. There is an exception for very short fics. If I'm writing a fic that's basically just one or two scenes, and the entire momentum of the fic is writing toward the end, then I can know exactly what the end is. But that's fairly rare, partly because I also need to be able to write it all in one shot, and I rarely have that much time.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

.......................well I was going to dump a scene from one of the self insert AUs here, but it turns out two years is enough for me to no longer love the writing in that. So uhhhhhh guess I'll just. Write a new thing real quick!

(@executeness and @denialcity, enjoy)

Every clan has their own way of finding soulmates. Some are more reliable than others, and most are closely guarded. That's never mattered to Takami: the Uchiha's tradition is reliable, so any uncertainty that other clans live with isn't his problem.

He is fifteen and it is the first dawn after the winter solstice. The fire in the center of the Uchiha compound has burned all night, built steadily larger until it roars, and the flames dance as high as his chin.

Takami is not the only fifteen year old with a sharingan, but he is the clan heir, so he goes first. The entire clan sings as the first rays of dawn break through the horizon, and Takamii steps forward, sharingan burning as he shapes chakra and breathes a thin, precise stream of his own fire into the core of the flames.

He's thought before about how it would look, whether he would see his soulmate's form made of ashes and embers swirled within the flame, or if the flames themselves would twist into the right shape for only his eyes, or....

It's clearer than he imagined. As if he's looking through a window, tinted gold and shifting in the breeze, but otherwise the overlapping images are perfectly clear, as if he were looking at reality directly. But there are so many people--the fire shows the watcher's soulmate, but also everything around them, and there are so many overlapping forms. Takami prowls around the fire in a circle, watching the shifts within it, tracking which faces stay in focus.

He can hear. The longer he watches, the more sound grows. It's still thin and distant, but seems to come from deep within his own ears, so even the whole clan singing together can't quite drown out what his soulmates hear. A song, of course, and orders....

There is one flaw in the Uchiha method of identifying soulmates, Taka realizes: it's public.

He finishes a last circle of the fire. The song hasn't faltered despite the time he took, and it continues as he stops, and turns to face his father.

His whole family: Father and mother and four younger brothers, even Kunimi, who drank enough tea to keep anyone else awake for a week and is standing in his proper place with his face screwed up in determination. But Tajima is the clan head, so Takami faces him first.

Tajima's voice is pitched to carry over the song. "Have you seen what you are looking for?"

"I have," Takami says, steady as if this were any ordinary year. "There were a lot of faces, I had to move to be sure which one is mine. We should make people dance, next year."

"Then your soulmate is within the clan?"

Takami grins. "Hako's mine," he announces.

Several voices falter then, and people in the crowd shift, and surprise makes it through even Hako's near-perfect composure.

Takami is the heir, but Hako is beloved, the most beautiful and the most perfect and the most wanted. No one in the clan had even bothered to pretend they were more interested in learning Takami's soulmate now than Hako's next year.

They're not wrong, all those people chasing after Hako's every glance: Hako is the best and they should all be honored to have his sight fall on them. But he's Takami's brother first, and now no one can ever try to interfere.

In the firelight, so subtle than only the sharingan could catch it, Hako relaxes. Beside him, Madara sneaks a thumbs up, and his grin distorts his singing for a few lines.

It's not this easy, Takami knows. They're soulmates, so they won't be separated now, or expected to put anyone else first. But they'll still be expected to have friends and get married, and the whole clan and half their allies will chase Hako for both of those. Some of them will remember that some people have multiple soulmates, and keep hoping for another year that Hako will claim them even though Taka hasn't.

At the same time, it is this simple. Takami and Hako belong together, and no one will ever question it again.

Takami steps away from the fire, and goes to stand beside Hako instead of in his proper place. He takes up the song as the others look for their soulmates: one outside the clan, and one within it.

There are more traditions, more celebration, and Takami goes through them gladly with Hako at his side. Even so, Hako can read him like no one else.

It's late morning before they get even a few seconds out of everyone's sight, but the instant it's possible, Hako has Takami out of sight and hearing.

Out of sight like this, Hako isn't perfect either: his forehead is creased and worry bites in at the corners of his eyes. "Nii-sama, tell me you didn't lie."

"I didn't."

Hako frowns, his forehead creasing more, but it's true. They're soulmates. Takami didn't lie.

"Then," Hako says slowly, "why are you bothered?"

"I saw you." The images are still in Takami's eyes, hovering with sharingan clarity. The whole clan singing around the fire, centered on Hako, posed and perfect. And overlapping, a training field, four boys and a man with a voice Takami knows, barking harsh orders. "I also saw a Senju. Butsuma's son. One we haven't seen on the field yet."

"He has enough sons," Hako says harshly, then catches himself. "What did you think?"

Takami didn't think. He just watched, and knew better than to reveal anything like that. And Hako was right there to smooth things over, as always. "It doesn't matter. He'll probably just die anyway."

"You don't need him anyway," Hako says. "You have me."

"Yeah." Takami grins. "Always."

"Always," Hako promises, even though there's no need to, and then he moves on to batting a wrinkle out of Takami's clothes and herding him back out to the celebrations.

The next year, Hako looks into the fire and sees Takami alone.

Six months after that, Senju Kawarama arrives on the battlefield. He's grown, but Takami still knows that face.

He puts a scar on it.

[scumbag-monthly]

The Young Ones Were: A Final Word from Scumbag Monthly’s Editor 🖕💚

I was going to post this on 7th March – the birthday of the pan global phenomenon himself – but I think the emotion will be stronger tonight. Either way, I’ve chosen this post to say my last farewells to Scumbag Monthly and thank the people who helped make it what it was.

It was my decision as editor to end SM at Issue #25 and it was a difficult one to make. Although SM has come with both pros and cons, it’s something I’ve enjoyed creating and is something I’m very proud of. In a way, it would have been easier to carry on – sticking with the familiar is always easier – but I didn’t want our fanzine to drift off into nothingness. I thought twenty-five was a good number to end it at. Three years; twenty-five issues; three Rik specials; a zine for the fortieth anniversary – I think we’ve done alright, all things considered. More than alright! I’m so happy that we were able to add to the fandom in some small way.

I have a head for dates, so I can tell you with 99% certainty that I took on the reins of editorship at SM on 14th May 2020. It’s weird that that time feels both close and far away – international pandemics will do that to you. I’ve seen engagement and interest in this zine ebb and flow over the years. We’ve never really received enough submissions to keep us afloat long term. I used to ask my mutuals if I could add old art of theirs to zines to keep the Drawing Room full, and the amount of my fic that made its way into SM was not the result of an overinflated ego (I promise!), more the result of fic submissions falling even lower than art submissions. We’re a small fandom; that’s always been a problem for SM. While I’ve continually emphasised the importance of submissions to SM – how else would SM involve those not working behind the scenes? – the truth is that the end products simply wouldn’t have arrived on our website be it not for the so-called scumbag staff who dedicated their free time to making pages and content.

With a small fandom and ergo a small team, SM’s ambitions had to be realistic. We would all have loved to bring new segments out in every issue but, with a lot to do and limited time to get it done each time, this often wasn’t possible. I never wanted SM to become a burden to the people who made pages for it, as we all lead offline lives and SM was simply a passion project – we made this because we wanted to, because it was fun.

I won’t deny there have been points where SM burnt me out a tad. I think it was easy to lose sight of things during the lockdowns, or simply fall completely into one project. There are some zines where well over twenty of the pages were made by me because they had to be, and I’ve often feared that The People’s Poetry suffered because of this. I’m very pleased and grateful to point out that the page share became slightly less exaggerated after we found different people for each character, but (and I’m afraid I am going to have to be egotistical now XD) I’d be lying if I denied every zine since Issue #4 isn’t drenched in my blood, sweat, and improvised version of graphic design (not actually my passion, me being primarily a writer and all XD).

I hope this isn’t sounding too negative because SM really does mean a lot to me. I think it’s just that a mixed relationship is guaranteed with anything you give a lot of yourself to and I want to be honest here, at the end. It’s going to feel weird for me for a little while: no more new documents to set up, no more new pages to make, no more themes to discuss, no more Google Forms to collect. I will miss SM, but thanks to the internet it’ll actually still be here. We’ll be keeping the website up as an archive and the same with our Tumblr blog and Instagram (scumbag_monthly). For future runs of the Rik and Ade Fest, another blog has been set up (@rikandadefest). SM has also had a Redbubble on the down low for some time now and we’re planning on adding our designs of the lads there soon, if any of you fancy owning something with those on.

I realise this whole post comes at the risk of sounding pretentious and melodramatic… but sod it, you know? Here are the people I’d like to thank individually, on behalf of our fanzine.

@theevilesteviled -

First of all, the creator of SM: the reason you’re even reading this right now. During the period in which SM got going – that calm before the utter shitstorm of 2020 – we spoke nearly every day… though, living on different sides of the globe did limit our talk time to early mornings and late evenings. Ed is the reason SM ever launched. She did almost everything for the first few zines, often at the cost of her own sanity, and she inspired a passion for this fanzine within me.

In May 2020, when I found myself in lockdown limbo between college and university, Ed was struggling with the brunt of SM plus the new hell of online classes. When I took charge of Issue #4, I don’t think I realised the extent of what I was taking on – I certainly didn’t expect to still be editor nearly three years later! Even so, without Ed SM wouldn’t have gotten as far as Issue #4. I’ll admit when she initially proposed the idea for a The Young Ones fanzine, I didn’t assume it would ever actually happen. I agreed to take on Rick’s page, but never allowed myself to imagine we’d end up with a project that’d last three years. Surely, it was only other people who could pull off that kind of thing, right? Surely, a group of introverted young adults online weren’t really going to get anywhere with this, were we?

I’m not trying to make SM sound bigger than it is – I’m well aware how niche we are, have always been – but the point I’m trying to make is: thanks to Ed spearheading SM in the early days, I had the profound realisation that I can actually be creative and try new things and they’re not destined to fall completely flat on their faces. I think everyone involved with SM, be it through making pages or submitting their work, has experienced a version of this same realisation with the publication of each zine.

That’s thanks to Ed, so I’d like to formally express my gratitude. Thank you, ya bastard.

@xgardensinspace -

The lovely Deya! Deya has always been a big part of SM, right from the beginning. The portraits of Vyvyan, Rick, Neil, Mike, Balowski, and P that appeared regularly in our zines were drawn by them, as well as the ten portraits of our staff on our website. That’s not even mentioning the five exemplary covers they’ve whizzed up for SM!

Not only is Deya an exceptionally talented artist, they’re also an enthusiastic team player. From Issue #11 onwards, they’ve been our resident Mike. As most of us agree, Mike is the most difficult young one to characterise – Deya rose to the challenge with full commitment. Alongside taking on Mike’s Moments, for a period of time in late 2021 Deya posted as Mike to SM’s Instagram every Thursday, providing all of us with funny insights into Mike’s sense of fashion. There have also been times when my SM workload proved too much and they stepped up to write Comic Strip reviews for our Strip Tease – in fact, one of my favourite reviews is the one of Five Go Mad on Mescalin we wrote together for Issue #18.

Deya has always been passionate about SM, even when it seemed there were only a few of us who were. They’ve been incredibly supportive and understanding, often one of the first to volunteer to make art or write pieces for specials. To put it lightly, SM would be left severely lacking without their endless contributions and help and for that reason I’m incredibly thankful to them.

Last spring, I was lucky enough to finally meet Deya, when they visited the UK on holiday, and they were just as lovely in person as they are online. Thank you ever so much for your work on SM, you really are a cool person.

@drinkysketch -

I felt it only right to single out Julia here. Fandom spaces are ever changing and the individuals who’ve contributed to SM are no different. Despite this, Julia has been a constant cover artist for SM – not only did she create our first ever cover art back when SM was completely unknown, she’s since provided us with five more pieces for our covers. As the clever trousers among you will have worked out, that’s six in total. Almost a quarter of our regular zines!

There’s something instantly likeable about Julia’s art style: the shapes, the bright colours, the insistence on always giving Vyvyan one eye bigger than the other. The cover of Issue #1 especially is representative of SM – it’s the establishing shot – and I couldn’t imagine a better piece of art than the one Julia provided us with. I’d like to thank her for always being so eager to make art for us, even as the world’s gotten crazier and crazier. True scumbag style!

@codrington-road -

It was April 2020 when Haley first emailed SM with a fanfic submission and an offer to make pages for Neil. These were the early days of SM – Ed and I were just about keeping up with the zine’s Rick and Vyv content but were seriously struggling where Mike and Neil were concerned. It’s thanks to Haley that Neil is the only young one I’ve never had to make a page for… well, aside from that time we switched characters for April Fool’s in Issue #14… and she’s been a constant, reliable presence at SM since Issue #4.

There probably aren’t many people who could come up again and again with hilarious horoscopes on purpose, and I don’t know for exactly how many Wednesdays Haley manned Neil’s entries to our Instagram stories, but it was a lot. 9th June 2021 fell on a Wednesday – a little daunting for anyone. Yet, I think it’s that entry from ‘Neil’, a touching piece about missing people who are no longer here while still carrying the warmth they gave us within us, that sticks out to me the most.

Haley has always brought the exact right levels of surrealism, humour, and bloody hippie moping to Neil. She is probably secretly Nigel Planer. She’s helped keep the excitement for SM alive in me when I’ve been at my wit’s end with it and is in fact the main reason this fanzine didn’t fold after Issue #19. Honestly, she’s great. Have you read the fanfic she’s submitted? Pure brilliance. Her reviews of Rik Mayall's Bedside Tales and GLC were sublime.

Thank you, Haley, for encouraging not just me but everyone behind the scenes of SM and for being our resident Neil for so long. I know you’re a girlie, but I hope the seed of your loin is fruitful in the belly of your woman. Ta very much!

@martian-martian-martian -

Part of SM since Issue #18, Wisely is a person who truly deserves so much love. I first spoke to Wisely on Tumblr when they signed up to write about Rick and Kevin in our second Rik zine, in 2021. Needless to say, the results of their endeavours were some of the most memorable pieces in that zine. Rick still hasn’t recovered.

After that, Wisely only became more and more involved in SM, until they’d taken on the enigmatic fifth housemate, that scumbag named Petyr, as a regular in our zine. They did this despite the graphic design element being out of their comfort zone and even came up with a whole new page idea to spearhead. Cliff ‘sHits – as well as having a perfectly Young Ones-esq name – is exactly the kind of thing I always hoped would start happening with SM: that staff would strike out with new page ideas when they had the time. Wisely has a talent for twisting well known verses to fit the scumbag agenda and we thank them for it.

A keen promoter of SM – they could frequently be found suggesting submitting to our fanzine in the comments of TYO fanart on Tumblr – they’ve even written fanfic to keep zines full of content. I’d like to thank them for joining the team and enhancing the zine in the process. SM is all the better for having them.

@the-tardis-in-221b-baker-street -

Zoe already has a name for herself in Rik Mayall circles outside the scumbags; what fan wouldn’t go absolutely crazy at the sheer time and dedication she puts into her many cosplays? Zoe has a knack for morphing into the bastards she portrays… physically, at least. I’ve always found her to be as friendly as Alan B’Stard is devious. XD

It was during SM’s hiatus, when the spot of resident Vyvyan fell vacant, that Zoe immediately jumped at the chance to help SM out. Since Issue #20, she’s provided the voice of the beloved punk as well as producing a page of her own design, Top of the Plops. Zoe has also been quick to help out where reviews of Filthy, Rich and Catflap and of the music in The Young Ones are concerned, for which I am very grateful. Despite being the newest staff member at SM, she’s thrown herself fully into it and offered much needed reassurance and submissions whenever necessary. Zoe has been an optimistic voice at the fanzine: always up for new ideas and competitions, always there with schemes to boost engagement. Her DnD stats for the lads in Issue #24 were incredible.

We’ve had many scumbags writing for Vyvyan at SM over the years – more than we’ve had for any other character – and I’m thrilled we got Zoe in for our final run. She even made the cover art for our last issue. Thank you!

@aspinecone -

Aspen is someone I’ve shared online fandom spaces with since 2017. We’re both fans of Red Dwarf, but it was our shared enjoyment of The Young Ones that finally got us talking to one another. Last autumn, we finally met in person when we went to see Ade in A Christmas Carol - a brilliant day with a great friend that I'll always remember.

Aspen has had a presence behind the scenes of SM since the beginning, often submitting fanart and the odd piece of fanfic, until they took on the role of resident Balowski at SM from Issue #16 onwards. Creating content for the character most out of the loop with the others isn’t as easy as you might think, but Aspen has always produced insane, amusing pages for him. Aspen was also the original cover artist pencilled in for Issue #21, but graciously stood aside when they realised offline commitments were going to need more of their time.

During SM’s run, I’ve sometimes had hairbrained schemes such as making the badges several scumbags will be receiving very, very soon. I’m no design whiz – Ed and I always made SM out of Word Documents – and Aspen helpfully volunteered to remove the backgrounds from designs and clean them up. Like I’ve always said, producing SM has been a team effort. I’d like to thank Aspen for always being in my corner.

@cloubdustings -

Ava, the mad meme machine! If I recall correctly, Ava first popped up in scumbag circles in late 2020. She surprised SM with cover art for Issue #10 and kindly took on the role of resident Vyvyan from that same issue until Issue #19. 2021 was not a fun year – in fact, I’d argue it was worse than 2020 in some respects – so having Ava on the SM team to handle all Vyvyan content was a great help.

Ava has a very distinct sense of humour and you can usually tell which British comedian she’s most recently become obsessed with by checking her Instagram. XD Even with changing tastes, she’s still making content about Mr Mayall and her brand of whackiness is most definitely beloved by the fandom. Thank you for sharing it with SM!

@lumivarjo -

Lumi was around at the very beginning of SM and is actually responsible for the piece of grey tape bearing the zine’s name that became our logo. He was our original resident P, producing pages for us during the autumn of 2020. Lumi has always been more behind the scenes than at the forefront of SM, but has nonetheless also always been supportive. Being an artistic sod, Lumi is to thank for many of the key headers SM used, which were all vital pieces of the SM brand… if we want to get really pretentious. Thank you for being there for the zine!

@serenpop -

Pol was also around when Ed was proposing this insane new idea of a fanzine for The Young Ones and was our first resident Neil. Offline commitments saw them have to drop the role, but they reappeared again to help us out when we needed cover art at a pinch for Issue #9. A lot of SM’s Drawing Rooms have featured art from Pol, so I’d like to thank them for brightening up our pages!

Additionally, I'd like to thank the other scumbags who’ve made cover art for us: @frankenbolt (who made three(!) beautifully chaotic covers, including everybody’s favourite Modern AU); @whatacompletebastard (for the fab Breakfast Club parody that’s always been popular with the scumbags); @heinzpilsnerbloody (another talented artist who drew me a whole bunch of cool stuff in an exchange and kindly helped SM out); @colourshot-draws (our first anniversary zine cover artist and a genuinely lovely person); @postpunkpontypandyphantomthief (a massive Rik Mayall fan and integral part of the fandom); thedinodoodles (for being ahead of the curve and bringing us pirates before the Tumblr obsession); @rikhead (for the sheer dedication to detail on her cover and for her legendary skills in Rik Pic Hunting™); and @smashingblouses (for providing us with the brilliant TYO 40th anniversary zine cover art). I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: SM couldn’t have functioned without its cover artists. Thank you all. Big respec.

There are a few final scumbags I wish to mention and thank - SM's cheerleaders, if you will. These people have brightened up my day on various occasions and their enthusiasm helped make the zine what it was: @anglophobias, @my-blood-is-maple-syrup, @friedhofcreative, @shotsofnovacaine, @5gogh2, @mariigoldmayall, and @fourstarsandahamster.

Finally, of course, I’d like to say a quick thank you to the people who inspired this fanzine in the first place. Without the canon, there would be no fanon. They’re never going to read this thank Cliff but without the brilliance of Rik Mayall, Adrian Edmondson, Nigel Planer, Christopher Ryan, Alexei Sayle, Ben Elton, Lise Mayer, and all the recurring comic guest stars of The Young Ones, SM would have quite literally never existed.

We need comedy in hard times – to call out the shits in power, to keep us grounded, to simply make us laugh. I count myself incredibly lucky to have stumbled across fans of this anarchic ‘80s sitcom on Tumblr. Despite the time gone by between 1982 and 2023 and the changes in society and sensibilities, I think it’s an incredibly good thing that this comedy still connects with us. Most of the people I’ve spoken to on here, like me, weren’t alive during TYO’s initial run. It’s often assumed by certain bastards who shall remain nameless that the youth are trying to kill comedy, that we take offence too easily, that comedy classics are a thing of the past. To them I say: UP YOURS, UGLY! As long as there are people, there will be laughter; and among those of us laughing, there will be the young ones.

So thank you, scumbag reader, for downloading our zines and supporting our bastardly endeavours.

Signing off from Scumbag Monthly for the last time,

- R / @neil-neil-orange-peel <3

"This is it! It's really happening! Who needs qualifications? Who cares about Thatcher and unemployment?! We can do just exactly whatever we want to do! And you know why? Because we're Young Ones. Bachelor boys! Crazy, mad, wild-eyed, big-bottomed anarchists!!" - The People's Poet, 1984

[golbrocklovely]

Apparently the fandom has bullied Colby for having himself as his phone background and made him take the picture down off his instagram story? (I just checked, it's true the picture he'd shared showing the song he was listening to on his phone that revealed his phone background is now gone).

Wtf is wrong with people? Why shouldn't the man have a cool modelling photo from the xplr shoot as his background?

The fandom needs to grow up and let the man live!

sorry for the delayed response :)

in case anyone doesn't know what pic is being referred to, here's the photo that colby posted then deleted:

i did see that whole interacting on twitter.

i know this isn't something that needs to be taken seriously for the most part. bc to anyone that's new to the fandom or doesn't think too deeply about anything that happens here, you'd probably think "this isn't that serious. we were just joking with colby, he gets our humor."

my thing is, of course, i believe that 99% of the ppl that make fun or poke at colby aren't doing it maliciously. they truly believe the above statement: that they're just having fun with colby and he gets it. and that's a valid thought to have. and for sure, if YOU were the only one joking, then yeah - he would brush it off and not care and know that it's most likely a joke. the problem is this fandom doesn't know when to let a joke die. they will keep at a joke for weeks, months even. and maybe the first couple ppl that started the joke were joking, but once you get to the 150th person saying the same thing at you, it's not gonna feel like a joke anymore.

also, i hate to be the bear of bad news, but SAM AND COLBY DON'T KNOW YOU. sorry, but you aren't besties with snc, they don't know who you are. so you could easily think that "oh, they get my humor, they know i'm joking" but reality is, this might be the first time they see you. how the fuck are they supposed to know that you're joking? especially if you're the 100+ person to say this same statement at them? and also, you don't have a bond or a rapport with them. you can't say they "get" you're joking or your humor. no, babes, they don't. bc you're a complete stranger to them.

there's a reason why colby brings up the "bloody tampon" comment and the fact that he gets emails and loses followers when he grows facial hair. it's not a joke. maybe in the beginning it was, but after a certain point, it gets mean bc it's just ppl saying the same thing over and over and over again.

that's not to say that you can't joke. i'm not here to police ppl. but i think maybe ppl need to be a bit more mindful of what they say to snc. if you're gonna say something in a joking way, maybe don't @ them. or just keep it to yourself.

bc it's a real shame that, most likely, colby liked that photo of himself (which is why he set it as his bg) and now he looks at it differently and literally changed it bc he was harassed into doing so. not to mention, he posted a ss of his lockscreen bc he was listening to a song. a song, btw, that's really fucking sad. so like……… maybe as a fandom we can focus on raising them up rather than shitting on them, kay? :)

[regnantlight]

This episode of Cinema Therapy gives me so many Zelda feelings.

So many points here are lessons she learns on her way to her Elder Verse, in which she is the true embodiment of wisdom (the Uncle Iroh of Hyrule, if you will.)

It’s the importance of choosing peace. Choosing gratitude. Choosing happiness.

The choice not to be defined by your mistakes but to learn from them and share your wisdom.

You get one life, and you’re the one who steers the ship: so steer it in a direction that brings you joy.

Everyone’s behavior makes sense to them. Everyone’s perspective makes sense to them. And if you have enough humility to say, “Help me see what you’re thinking and why you’re doing what you’re doing, help me to see through your eyes so that I can not only understand you, but also learn and grow myself. That is how bridges are built.

This paragraph here is SUCH a big moment in Zelda’s character arc because this is what she does. This is her tonal-shift moment with Link. Where she stops, reflects on her actions, decides they aren’t fair, apologizes, and then works on getting to know his perspective.

Her journal entry literally says—

“I always believed him to be simply a gifted person who had never faced a day of hardship. How wrong I was...

Everyone has struggles that go unseen by the world... I was so absorbed with my own problems, I failed to see his.

I wish to talk with him more and to see what lies beneath those calm waters, to hear him speak freely and openly...

And perhaps I, too, will be able to bare my soul to him and share the demons that have plagued me all these years.”

Zelda’s cognitive behavior therapy in which she “shifts of way of thinking to experience joy and peace.” She doesn’t want to be 100 years into the future in BOTW. She doesn’t want 99% of her loved ones to be dead and her only home in ruins. It’s not a great situation, and she could dwell on the failures of it (and sometimes she does think about that) but ultimately, her reaction is—

“I believe in my heart that if we all work together, we can restore Hyrule to its former glory. Perhaps…even beyond.” Democracy, you say?

“I can no longer hear the voice inside the sword. I suppose it would make sense if my power had dwindled over the last 100 years....I'm surprised to admit it...but I can accept that. "

She’s focusing on what she can control, what actions she can take, and choosing to find peace, happiness, and acceptance in this new life.

This episode mentions “people who aren’t happy until they’re satisfied,” which means they are never happy, because satisfaction is a constantly moving goal post. And this is Zelda to a T. It’s still her even in this new state of shifted perspectives and understanding, but she’s on her long, long journey out of it.

Also, Carl Roger’s on, “What people need is to feel loved and accepted. So we can address problematic behaviors or thinking patterns that aren’t serving you, but what you need to know is that you have worth and that you’re loved.”

BOOM. What a mic drop moment. This is precisely what Zelda needs and it’s what she learns to give as she gets older. There’s hints of it now. The episode goes on to mention that Iroh can always find something positive to give a genuine compliment, and Zelda’s much the same. As harsh as she is on herself, she can see so many factors of what make other people and she can appreciate their strengths, even if it’s not one that’s initially obvious.

“The pursuit of perfection is exhausting and you’re never going to get there.” Read that again, Zelda. “The pursuit of connection can also be exhausting, but you can get there…and once you achieve it, it will be replenishing.”

Yes 👏 Yes 👏 Yes 👏

“We’re happy to give help because we feel powerful and virtuous when we’re helping others…but accepting help is harder because we feel weak…if that’s true, then we’re all weak, and we can just accept that. But there is no weakness in needing help. Everybody does. And being able to ask for it, or accept it when it’s offered is a virtue. It’s not a vice. It’s a strength.”

The way that this could be a direct quote from Zelda herself…my HEART.

I have basically quoted this entire episode but it’s heckin’ great and I recommend watching it. I’ll be here sitting in my Zelda feels. 😂

[callofdudes]

Is it okay if i share a lil rant? If not then feel free to ignore this!

So lately on twitter (X) there has been numerous commentaries/complaints from the same account named makarovmw or just Владимир Макаров as in user. They're essentially a porn addict like account that has been going around on multiple posts that sometimes talk about GhostSoap, their interpreted sexualities by various fans and this person has just been unhinged to say that least, arguing with others because they deem that 99% of the fanbase is all about GhostSoap, and how there is a lack of erotic sexy Ghost x Female OCs/YNs/readers. They essentially blame and insult people by calling them out that "just because I don't like Ghost x male doesn't mean i are homophobic" as per their words, whereas the understones they've been going on with their consistent whining gives me the exact opposite idea. Don't get me wrong i am a massive GhostSoap lover AND i also enjoy pairing Ghost with fem OCs and readers but i never went out of my way harassing and demanding that people bring out more Ghost x fem content, this porn addict of a person takes it to another level really. But the moment they said that Ghost would look hot with Milena all just to spite Soap i stopped taking them seriously. 😭

Hope this ain't too much but yeah, beware of some CoD "fans" y'all, they'll attack you unprovoked and unwarranted.

Ah yes, I believe I saw the post about what they said with Milena. And honestly I just hate it. Porn in and of itself has caused massive problems for both genders. Massive, massive problems.

I was around the fandom when GhostSoap was just a little ship and it wasn't as terribly hyped as it is now, but new people in the fandom are just... What the fuck.

I enjoy GhostSoap, but demanding work (as it sounds) from people or getting mad they can't find some very specific thing to get off to that no one else wants to make.

The way the brain works when people get deep into porn, or even just surface level, is they find something that interests them. Whatever that may be. And they stick with that for a bit until that same thing gets boring and they look for something else they could deam as exciting. It's really just a bottomless pit of sadness and it ruins a lot of lives.

Which consequently, when they get to the place where they need really taboo, lower produced things to stimulate them, they start to act like this. Getting angry and frustrating and demanding because there's one specific little thing that no one wants to do but they just need something. So they'll explode about it and make their predicament everyone's problem.

Now, some people are just assholes, this person is both. But porn has truly ruined us and ruins the brain.

Coming out in relationships as well where porn addicts have to think about something they watched when being with a partner because they can't be stimulated by regular passion and love. It's all lust and comes out in the form of anger and frustration when they can't act like a normal human being anymore.

If that person is looking for crazy stuff they shouldn't be going around Twitter (X) harassing people about it.

So yeah, those are kind of my whole thoughts. People are crazy and when it comes to things like this, the chronically being online and porn are to blame.

People don't get consequences on the Internet as much so they think they can do whatever they want. And artists putting their beautiful work of what they want to create out into the world does not mean that anyone other than themselves or someone commissioning them is entitled to their time and their resources.

Also, don't feel afraid to come rant, I also want to scream into the void like this but ranting to people sometimes gets it out nicely.

Keep supporting artists and don't be psychos ghostsoapers ♥️

[thesherrinfordfacility]

jesus christ the way you and your followers went after that person is so uncomfortable. fandom means not everyone is going to enjoy every single take you have. please start removing yourself from being SO EXTREMELY ATTACHED to your tumblr blog because in no universe should you have gotten THAT upset about someone disagreeing with a point you made. this is fandom. it’s a public forum. the audacity to think you can control what others say is simply mind boggling to me

what if they agree with 99% of your takes but not this one? should they still block you? is fandom not allowed to discuss and joke about the metas that missed the mark? i think the obvious answer is yes but maybe my metas have been picked apart so much that i quickly learned not to take everything personally. if you felt like you were misrepresented you should have just said “here’s the link, educate yourself” and go about your day. instead you replied with one of the most tonedeaf responses i’ve ever seen in fandom and WENT ON TO REBLOG BITCHY POSTS ABOUT IT. i enjoyed reading your takes but now i am put off for good.

also i’m all too aware you won’t admit you’re wrong but. that was a very bizarre thing you did and i hope you learn how to put some healthy distance between yourself and your tumblr blog

by 'that person', im assuming that you mean the op; i have spoken to the op, and made clear that them getting the ask, them responding/posting, and their comment, was not the issue. i'd like to think that i was clear to them that their post was not at all the problem, but if not, i welcome them to come speak to me again.

one follower of mine reblogged that post with their opinion on rinsing out other people's work. i reblogged it twice, the second with the post you're referring to, and another follower reblogged without any opinion passed. that's as far as im aware - i hardly sicc'd my followers on anyone. i then shared a post about blocking people etc where you disagree with them etc., which - bitchy? yes. well timed to come across my dash? also yes. so i reblogged it.

but please do not presume to tell me what i should and shouldn't be upset about, or what i should and shouldn't be attached to. i spend a good deal of time on sharing my thoughts and opinions, and writing up stuff that others may enjoy. i enjoy it too, it's a hobby, and it means a lot to me. it gives me a good sense of pride, of confidence, and of enjoyment - no different to any of the other hobbies i have and engage in. what may not be upsetting to you might be upsetting or meaningful to someone else; you do not get to police what other people's emotional response is.

being vague-posted about didn't necessarily feel personal, because it absolutely wasnt, but it still hurt. it wasn't ever about people disagreeing with my take - which i point out very clearly in this ask, and here in the reblog:

just to reiterate, in case my clearly spelled-out point gets missed again, the issue is not people disagreeing with me. im aware my takes largely exist in the minority, and that's fine! i do not mind! i welcome anyone who wants to challenge me on it! you'll even notice, perhaps, on the original meta, that plenty of people have disagreed with me in the tags; i have not 'gone after' any of them, because people disagreeing with me is not what upsets me.

but being vague-posted about, in a way that some of those tags somewhat suggest that i am stupid, or idiotic, or ignorant - that fucking hurts. i responded - yes, cattily, i will admit that, i was pissed - to the post, and laid out where i felt the tags took the ask at face value, instead of perhaps reserving judgement and instead potentially asking the asker to share the post in question and make an 'educated' judgement.

the crux of the matter is, lovely anon, that people are absolutely entitled to their opinion - does that entitlement stop at me defending myself and my original post? does that mean that my tone should be policed? people are entitled to vague-post about someone's take as if that person won't see it. i can't stop people from doing that, and i wouldn't want to - no matter how much it personally upset me and felt that my efforts and time were reduced to something worthy of ridicule. it's not about my fucking blog, it isn't - it's about when people add their thoughts into the public forum, as they should, they should be aware that someone else may have a follow-up reaction to it. it's about being, what a lot of people could interpret, plain mean about an actual person and their work.

im sad to see that you've been put off reading my stuff for good, but tbh, i think that's for the best.