#what happened was i watched that girl defined video How to Recover from Being a Desperate Flirt & god fixed me

[britneyshakespeare]

I was such a fuckboy when I was 20. An aroace woman but a fuckboy.

[sugar-petals]

Can u introduce yuzuru to us the caro way?👀

so you want to know about the one and only. ♡😌

yuzuru hanyū (25) of sendai, japan: the most beautiful ice prince with a heart of gold.

….an artist clearly not of this world, he’s been sent to us from another realm. 19 world records, two olympics won, dubbed the greatest figure skater of all time. and the most precious bean on top of that.

but let’s start from the beginning, shall we ♥︎

so, want to spot yuzu on the ice? use this checklist. slender silhouette, an even slimmer waist, feather-like outfits (he sketches those himself; the fandom lovingly calls him swanyu), soft blushy face. he has great androgyny.

outside of performances, you see him either with a deer’s gaze or the brightest, biggest eye smile. also, he’s usually found sitting with his wife: 

which is the ice 😄 these two are together forever. you can discern yuzu from a mile away by how he treats his working ground. 

there is a purity to him. you’d not guess that this is one of the most ardent athletes if you didn’t see what’s around his neck after competitions. the guy’s cuteness is as compelling as his skating technique.

look for it: yuzu’s face is super suave and rosy up close, even after his most energetic performances. some men are handsome, others pretty, he is both. 

even acoustically, he’s hard to miss. applause is all around, and he’s highly expressive. if you see a crying young man getting the high score, that’s yuzuru hanyu. you’ve not seen more beautiful happy tears.

and score reactions, anyway:

so, aye loves, the rumors are true. a cutie-pie off the ice, animated, a real unabashed meme — yuzu is easy-going, talkative. cheery, cheeky, one of a kind. his facial expressions are a league of their own.

if you thought this is the sort of guy who watches cat videos, you are correct 😄

yuz-uwu hanyu, everybody:

his undoubtedly feline behaviour is often unexpected, it stands out with its adorableness, too. a sweetheart par excellence. 

and, how else could it be: vice versa, the big beast on the rink. he’s cutesy, dorky, very well-spoken in daily life, but when it comes to skating, his seriousness escalates. you blink once and suddenly hanyu is a bedazzling, strutting lion :’D his performances stun with confident elegance.

he becomes full of ardor, drama, and focus. you’d never suspect so much fire burns in him. a showman and ambition icon, hands down. 

his skating is dynamic, perfected, and emotional. if you want to see art and the extra mile, tune in when hanyu competes.

the downside is; more light, more shadow. it leaves him crawling on the ice afterwards. yuzu performs so hard, it’s worrying.

he delivers it all. you won’t believe it:

this guy is an asthmatic.

the symptoms aren’t as bad as they used to be, but there are still regular attacks. he said that he’ll never take it as an excuse and often recalls how he started skating because of it. he’s a badass, extremely inspiring. yuzuru defies all limits, including gravity. his jumps have legendary status. 

off the rink, you guessed it: he turns into a wholly different person. 

it all dissolves completely when he’s dorking around again. 

don’t let it deceive you, he’s the no other option than first place type. he could not be any more decorated with titles, he achieved the grand slam in all competitions as of 2020. and still, king of sportsmanship hanyu is respectful and smiley towards all colleagues and never lets anyone feel left out. especially when it comes to his juniors (e.g. yuma kagiyama, 16, below) which says a lot about him.

he bows in every direction before an audience, too. lower than a 90° angle, even. this is more polite than any existing formality in japan.

talk about audience: i introduced fellow japanese skater shoma uno last week, who’s more uncomfortable with social contact and aggression. yuzu, extrovert he is: the exact opposite. he withers away with no people and competition. he’s befriended rivals, had crises over not having someone who could challenge him. when a competitor retires, he’s the one crying in their arms (e.g. with team mate and bff javier fernandez from spain below).

beside his competitive spirit and princely wow factor, hanyu is popular for his winnie pooh tissue box that he caresses, squeezes, and carries everywhere. he loves good luck charms & rituals, pooh is the most important one.

fans throw pooh plushies on the ice after his performances because of it. since it’s gotten so intense, yuzu recently started cleaning them up himself on top of the flower girls for the upcoming skater who could get delayed otherwise. (more about what happens with the piles of plushies later.)

so, the burning question is. 

what made yuzuru hanyu emerge so outstanding an entertainer? how does someone causing so much uproar become like that? it’s not just what kind of appearance he was given, although he really looks his part to a T. you don’t have to be an insider to see it right away.

like literally to a fault. and you can tell the way his blades sound on the ice is different. it’s soft even if he does the most hardcore quadruple jumps. i think it’s because his drive to do this is a higher one, hanyu has an altered relationship with the ice. where his devotion comes from has a more severe reason so, massive trigger warning. 

this is no exaggeration: yuzuru is considered a hero to the japanese. a survivor of the earthquake 2011, he narrowly escaped the collapsing rink in his hometown on that very day. he’s often talked about how the ice shattered underneath his feet and it was the moment that defined his life forever. he could have been dead by the age of 16. his motivation has been set ever since. this man is compelled by something bigger, that’s why you hear it and you feel it. he wants to skate not just for himself but others and seize every day. 

much of his copious charity work — that’s where all the pooh plushies go — went to mend the consequences of the tsunami ever since, he’s looked upon as a great hope in japan. the minister gave him the people’s honor award in 2018. 

now you know why yuzuru has such a fanbase and treats the ice as sacred, you see it in every gesture. his manners are without a single flaw, he helps staff repair the ice after performances. 

you might think it’s odd, but he honors the ground. he’s invested in the integrity of it. that’s why he’s the best skater. it’s gratitude and the will to live fully.

he hates to fall on the ice, he hates to damage it. alongside his feathery weight, that’s why the sound he makes while gliding along is so tender. 

i think that’s also why hanyu’s signature element is the ina bauer. it doesn’t rely on brutal force, instead this element slides across the rink like a swan. yeah, oh my god.

it’s his most well-known dramatic move. the way he surrenders into it. 

hanyu’s back arch and perfect split allow him to do elements no other male skaters can. his biellmann spin, for instance. i know, it’s ridiculous.

and those are just two elements of dozens and dozens. hanyu is a kinetic wizard. i highly rec this record-breaking delivery of his olympic program. in front of his home crowd! he’s just… mind-boggling. i live for his smiles here.

exceptional skater, exceptional mentor: it’s time we look at another puzzle piece that made yuzu the way he is. the masterful brian orser is hanyu’s beloved coach. missing gold by just one mistake at the olympics 1988, brian is now committed to give others what he couldn’t have— successfully so.

orser took the ice prince to gold twice, this hasn’t happened in 66 years. brian is the nicest and most supportive pooh carrier and yuzu’s utmost rock. hanyu’s talent rests safely in these hands.

he gets strict about punctuality lmao! but other than that, his guidance is gentle. canadian he is, brian’s courteousness mixes well with yuzu’s politeness. their bond is strong. as. hell. 

brian picked up yuzu from rock bottom several times. most fateful being hanyu’s accident with a fellow skater during competition warm-ups nov 2014. they collided at a high speed, it was unspeakably nasty. yuzu got knocked out for half a minute and had grave breathing problems but still decided to skate on with what later turned out as an almost-concussion. brian was the most worried ice dad in the world that day.

yuzu cried and crouched and bled like mad and my heart has been broken ever since. i hope he never suffers like that again. promise me you don’t search up the video, it’s a harrowing watch like a stab to the chest. sadly enough, hanyu’s body has still been a notorious wreck, esp. ankle issues regularly give him a hard time 😔

it hurts like a bitch with every jump landing but he takes meds and still manages to win, god knows how. sometimes even with crutches on the podium. at his worst, he’s still the best, it’s a tragedy.

he’s been recovering, or always is, but he pushes himself through injuries. his ambition and perfectionism are boundless. the cause is more important to him than his well-being. this is not an easy guy to stan once you see how he sacrifices and self-destructs. so, it’s good someone protects him. 

mostly from himself because nobody has profoundly surpassed hanyu. he has let himself no choice than to contest himself. not even health, only age can stop yuzu. i think that brian understands this ‘curse of a genius’ effect. his mere presence can make hanyu say these rare words:

his two other coaches contribute to that. tracy wilson (left) has proven to understand his playful side the best while ghislain briand (right) helps yuzuru deal with his fears. so you got 3 people taking care of the golden boy. brian once said: “he is very sheltered” and you can see it’s true.

yuzu eased into learning english and communicates well with his coaches. like with everything, he studies hard and often forces himself to speak during interviews to practice. his skills are astounding. his speaking voice is also very soothing, very amicably low and high alike. yuzu is highly intelligent. he always says something eloquent and interesting.

now, privately, hanyu is very much like you’d expect someone so devoted to skating would be like. he doesn’t go out, has no social media, can’t eat nor sleep very well. no cameras allowed during practice. it figures he is attached to winnie pooh, think about it. in the cartoon, pooh is someone who sleeps, eats, and engages with friends plenty. 

these are the things hanyu can’t do, doesn’t have time/energy/incentive for. he is barred from balance in life but can at least admire this little carefree plushie for it. especially because pooh represents eating lots while yuzuru doesn’t have a good relationship with food (he says it doesn’t go well with jumps etc.), hanyu lives vicariously through him. 

what’s more, you have to see how he throws himself onto others and never wants to let go, yuzuru is extremely cuddly. 

to the degree that mere social customs can’t meet how much he really needs. so, what else can he resort to, he loves mascots and plushies. it’s how the tale goes in japan generally, tough work ethic, high responsibility, high pressure, so people turn to cute fluffy things.

he always fondles pooh’s head, even pretends he’s come to life so he has someone to snuggle with. i think that his isolated lifestyle doesn’t help. so, he gets his affection at least there, you can see how happy it makes him. and again: he does this all for charity.

that’s why fellow skaters are so important to hanyu. it really brings out his social spirit and comforts him best, it’s so wholesome. i’ve not seen someone react so relieved to being embraced, like he’s not been touched for months. skating this, skating that. at the end of the day, hanyu wants love.

as he once said, what motivates him is to express himself in the first place. hanyu is a romantic. it’s written all over him. it reflects in his music choices, his elegant motion, how he designs his outfits:

… and how thoughtfully he talks about marriage. he has big plans for starting a family and coaching after he retires. i won’t be the only one squeezing lucky charm pooh in my imagination so it turns out well for him. please make this heart of gold heal and see all his wishes come true ♡🐻

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E96 (February 25, 2020)

Tonight’s guests are Taliesin Jaffe and Liam O’Brien!

Announcements: The Chicago live show and C2E2 are imminent! The live show will be on Thursday night, but an hour earlier than usual, at 6 PM Pacific/8 PM Central! Liam will be at the live show, but unfortunately has to leave C2E2 early and won’t be able to make it on Sunday. On Friday, the first behind-the-scenes video for The Legend of Vox Machina animated series was posted on YouTube, introducing the writing team!

Episode 96: Family Shatters

Stats for this week’s episode! Of the 16 times Caleb has cast Teleportation Circle, the M9 have remembered to contact someone prior to their arrival 7 times. Of those 7 times, they were successful at contacting someone at the location only 3. Taliesin: “We’re playing this game like Skyrim, we’re just going through people’s houses breaking pottery.” Caduceus got the straw hat that he gave to Clarabelle in episode 31, about 188 in-game days ago. There were 17 cow-related puns. Dani: “Is that above or below average for a Critical Role episode?”

“Clay was kind of built relatively quickly. I didn’t give Matt a ton to play with. I gave him the order in which they left, I gave him Clay’s attitude and his impression of his family members, which was usually just one sentence, and some basic idea of what their power set might be if they had one. I always thought of him as, from a family perspective, of what would have happened to Percy if nothing went wrong.” He was happy to be the one to run the family business and just hang around at home and run the shrine. “I think the rest of the kids’ wanderlust probably put them at odds quite a bit.” He liked being able to play that conflict and show what Caduceus was like when he was annoyed. Cad took after his father, the girls generally wanted to leave, and Colton is “just sort of a doofus.”

Caleb was an only child, so seeing this many kids was a lot. “They clearly had their grudges and their different dynamics with each other, but that’s normal, for sure. Caleb’s very unfamiliar with it.” He also keeps looking at Nott and thinking about how everything he’s doing is about wanting to rebuild his family, whereas Nott is so conflicted about going back to hers. “He doesn’t understand it, but he doesn’t want to push it” or judge her for it. “I thought I had a really defined direction at the start of the campaign, but my seven best friends have knocked it silly.”

What’s keeping Cad with the Nein? “Caduceus is not ready to go home at all. He’s not done with his walkabout. He feels like he wants to see a bit more. He feels he has an intense debt to pay. He feels he has a mission to see everybody else through, at the very least. Or at least he’s telling himself that. So he’s saved his home, or at least he thinks he’s saved his home, and his family’s all right, so now it’s debts that must be paid. He’s not somebody who thinks you can just get off the bus.”

“Caleb was going to ask [the hag] about the ability to travel backward through time, not really believing that she could do that, but was still like, show me what you’ve got.” Even if she’d said it, he would have thought she was a liar. “Probably would’ve offered to kill the M9″ in exchange, then would’ve turned around to hit her with a surprise Disintegrate. Liam notes repeatedly that nothing could possibly have been as cool as what Laura wound up doing.

On the Nein not worrying about places Cad considered sacred ground, Caduceus “is fine with conflict. He doesn’t even really have to have conflict, he could assert himself if he were so inclined. It’s that he’s aware that there are limits to what these people can do. It’s very much the philosophy of ‘children and drunks can do no wrong’.” He’s picking his battles.

Was there a defining moment where Caleb started seeing the Nein as family? No single moment. “It’s like love by a thousand cuts.” Liam notes that he’s still not sure how Caleb would react if he suddenly had the means to carry out his plans. “He’s got the recovering-addict mentality.”

Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Pumat! (CriticalHitical, photo by Minniemooncos on Twitter)

Taliesin notes that Caduceus is definitely feeling more connected to the group. “If anything, Caduceus is really embracing his role as the spiritual guide to the group. He feels like he really has a lot to offer from that perspective of being the roving therapist. Or at least, he thinks he’s a roving therapist.” Liam notes that Cad is the most mysterious of the group to Caleb. “He’s the most religious character I’ve ever played, too. He’s fun! He really came together very nicely.”

On Caleb being more lighthearted on occasion: “He’s been out of practice being a human being for a long time.” The Nein’s brand of ridiculousness is rubbing off on him.

Why hasn’t Cad been pranking the Nein? “They don’t treat him poorly in that way yet. Siblings, man. I have quite a few siblings, and there is an energy. It’s the same way like when you’re around your parents, you revert to a 15-year-old.” Same with siblings. “There’s just something-- just the urge to torture them is so overpowering.” The moment he got the whistle, he knew exactly what he was going to do with it. Liam was reminded of Taliesin’s real-life siblings while watching these interactions in the game.

On Caleb’s laying on compliments for the Traveler: “The thing about time travel is it’s so implausible. It’s so implausible that I could see us finishing this campaign and Caleb will still have it in the back of his head for the rest of his life. But maybe Artagan could help with that. He certainly sees the potential in Artagan, and it was a balance between wanting to support everything Jester has devoted her life to, so it just felt like everyone was ready to write it off. Life is often like this, life isn’t what you thought it would be, it is what it is. Let’s not damn this yet, let’s feel it out. And if I can use this situation to possibly eradicate ultimate evil, that’s a win.”

Cad found it tough to have family and friends in the same room and play both roles. “I don’t know how much it came across that he was trying to keep them, not necessarily separated, but ‘family, guys, guys, family, ANYWAY.’” He did want to get his family on their way as quickly as possible. Cad is the equivalent of his early 20s, so something like 85-120 years old for a firbolg. 

Liam is asked about the conversation between Caleb and Yasha on watch several episodes ago. "You know what one of the best parts of that scene that played out was, is about 20 minutes or 30 minutes before that happened, I texted Ashley at the table and said, ‘Want to take watch? I have nothing planned, it could be fun.’” He wasn’t expecting it to go that far. “I think he had such an extreme reaction because he felt that he had done a good job of hiding things, and he was suddenly worried that he was transparent, that everyone had been able to read him this whole time when he’d thought that he was-- well, he’s a little in love with Jester Lavorre, and has been for a while, uselessly in love with her. The waltz was probably a little pebble. And in that moment-- this doesn’t play out verbally too much in the show, but he just was worried that this thing that he’s never going to admit to because it’s useless, she’s finding herself, and has her whole life ahead of her, and has other people around her who care about her and are a whole lot better for her than he is. And he’s aware of the way those two [Fjord and Beau] feel as well. It’s just there in the background fucking up his shit. It’s really just a problem. Big fucking problem.” 

Fan art of the week: a gorgeous Clay family portrait! (by Teaweltzer on Twitter)

On Clay being absent for the renewal of his home: “I don’t think his arc’s ending off-screen. I think his arc ends when he comes home to see what’s become of it.”

Is Caleb worried about Beau since the confrontation with her father? “Of course he is. She’s ignoring all the advice that she gave him. He doesn’t like to see her that hard on herself when she’s so competent and probably the backbone of the group. It’s the most judgey Caleb’s been of anybody, really, but he’s very aware of the pain of family and personal stuff. She knows her, and even though he broke his shit in half, he could still see the dynamic in the room when we visited his family, so he feels for her. We need you and we love you and we will miss you, you don’t fucking get to go.”

Each of the temples has a secondary god; what was the Blooming Grove’s other god? “The Blooming Grove is for the Archeart because it is a gift of beauty. It’s the Allhammer, the Changebringer, and the Archeart. It’s kind of a powerplay from the Wildmother, in my opinion. They’re all three based off of very specific types of funereal practices that are common throughout the world.”

Caleb saw giving over the transformation spell to Essek as a returning of one of his many favors. “Caleb likes Essek a lot. They’re like two highly gifted kids at school together. And, you know, he’s quirkily charming and handsome. There’s just no reason not to, in his mind. Outside of the M9, he’s probably the only person that Caleb would see as a friend that he’s made. Everyone else is just sort of scenery around the M9.”

What’s next for Cad? “It’s a little bit of finding himself, or at least finishing himself would be the way to put it.” (cue snickering from off-camera) “He’s also vaguely aware of some of the things that are going to possibly emotionally damage the party on the horizon, and he wants to be ready to deal with, in vague order, whatever’s going to happen to Jester, and then whatever’s going to happen to Fjord, and then whatever’s going to happen to Nott, and Yasha, and Caleb. He doesn’t know how to deal with what Beau’s going through. It’s the one thing he has no experience of, because he has no experience with that family dynamic. When he met people with that family dynamic, it was always at the end of it.”

Some fans sent in death whistles. Brian encourages Taliesin to play one on the plane.

The hat for Calliope was a last-minute thought. The flute could also have gone for Colton, depending on “who I could sneak up on”.

Caleb took a symbol of the Archeart from the Labenda Swamp. “I think it was familiar to me. I think I might have either correctly or mistakenly thought it reminded me of the woman who helped Caleb in the Sanatorium.”

[littlegiantposts]

pilot (~revised~)

Kageyama x f!reader

may contain spoilers!

description: In which Y/n is a new addition to Karasuno’s Girl’s Volleyball Club

warning: I’m sure there are some curse words in there.

A/N: yeah so there is another version of this on my blog, but that was really like a test run/rough draft, so here is the revised one that I like better and I added more scenes. ALSO, just ask if you wanna be added to like a taglist. I already stated this in the previous pilot post i will state it again to make sure. 

This started off as just as a nice story to play in my head, but I really wanted to see if I could write it down. First things first, I am raised in California. Thus, I am quite incompetent in knowledge about Japan schooling. All my knowledge is really from me googling stuff and ofc, watching haikyuu. With that said, if I made a mistake on the take of Japan schooling, I do not mean to cause any offense. This is solely for entertainment purposes. With that said, I do not own the characters of haikyuu. However, there are some characters I made up with my own imagination. In addition, this is an “x reader” sort of story but I will be defining some of her characteristics so I am sorry if it hinders you from imagining its you. Finally, I am not that good at writing stories lol but im trying. I hope you enjoy.

I hate introductions. Y/n thought to herself as she sat back down in her seat after standing in front of the class, stating her name and her previous school. Her gaze shifted towards the window. The sun was out and shining and she had the perfect view of the gymnasium. Oh how she just wanted to get up from her uncomfy chair and leave the boring lecture and head towards the gym. 

It was the first day of school for Y/n at Karasuno High. It’s not like she started in the middle of the semester, no, she was just about a month late into the school year. With her work ethic, she didn’t feel any pressure in order to catch up with everyone else. She knew she would get it done.

It’s not really her fault she came a bit late into the school year either. Her dad’s job required a small move, not that she was complaining. She didn’t really feel tied down at her old high school because: she wasn’t there for that long and she didn’t really make any friends, despite joining a sport. 

It’s not that she didn’t want to make friends. It seems that her track record, or the lack thereof, from junior high with meeting new people has left an imprint on her.

Y/n looks down at the worksheet that was passed out in the beginning of class. The assignment was already completed due to Y/n’s eagerness to finish any homework that would take away time from her main passion.

Some people would say she was obsessed. Some would say dedicated. She simply sees volleyball as an opportunity. The class bell rings, signaling for lunch. Before she realizes it, she is walking towards the gym, in which she would meet the girl’s volleyball captain. As she is switching shoes, she can hear screaming from inside. 

“-What did I tell you about touching my onigiri! You are going to pay for that!” “I really didn’t mean it this time, I promise! I didn’t know it was yours!” The voices were muffled, yet she was still able to hear the sincerity in both of the voices. Y/n was about to open the gymnasium’s door when the door swung open by a tall pink-haired girl. She was being chased by another tall girl with long blonde hair, but she was a bit shorter than the pink one. Before Y/n could process stepping aside because it seemed the pink-haired girl had no inclination in stopping, she was tumbled to the ground by the girl who she can only guess took an onigiri without permission. As well, the blonde clumsily tripped and fell on top of the two.

“You idiots! Will you stop it! We already told you, we got a guest coming today and we want to make a good first impression!” A stern voice called out inside the gym.

“Um, Moa-san, I think our wishes are already soiled.” Another voice chimed in from the gym.

“Wha- You dumbasses! Hey, are you okay?” A girl with dirty blonde hair came out from the entrance and offered a hand towards Y/n as the two perpetrators started to get up with apologies towards Y/n. 

“Yeah, I am good.” Despite just being tackled to the ground, Y/n remains as neutral as ever. 

“Aren’t you going to ask if we are okay?” The energetic, pink haired spoke.

“As if I care when you collide into our guest! You really need to be more cautious, Etsuko!” She barked. “I am Aihara Moa. Pleasure to meet you. You’re the first year that turned that application past the deadline, right?” she states more calmly than her previous statement. 

“Pleasure is all mine. And, yes. Sorry for the inconvenience.” Y/n states with quite the unfazed face. 

Does this kid crack a smile once in a while? Moa asked in her mind. She seems quite different than the other first years we have. Her thoughts continue.

“I am Oba Yuma and this is Morita Etsuko.” Yuma, who had the pretty, long blonde hair, spoke with a warm smile.

“Why did you introduce me?! I wanted to have a cool introduction!” Etsuko huffed with a small pout. 

“Well, it’s not like you can recover your so-called ‘cool introduction’ from that full-body collision.” Yuma smoothly replied. Etsuko’s eyes widened and cheeks heated up as she couldn’t come up with a sly comeback to her logic. 

“You guys are just lucky that Rinko isn’t here to scold you.” Moa warned the 2 first years. With the mention of the scary third year that wasn’t even the captain, yet she reigned supreme in the disciplinary department, they shivered at the thought of the punishment. 

As Y/n stepped further into the big, bright court, she spotted that she could only assume was the captain as she looked so appalled at what happened. 

“Hello, you must be Michimiya Yui.” Y/n knew she had to say something to pull the worried captain from her thoughts. 

“Hi! Yes, that’s me! I am so sorry for those two. I would say they aren’t always like that, but I don’t want to lie to a potential teammate.” Yui spoke with an uneasy smile.

Yuma and Etsuko’s interests peaked when they heard “a potential teammate” come out of their captains' mouths. They were the only first years on the team, so the thought of another person in the same boat as them made them excited and wanted to join the conversation. The two first years gave each other a look and started to walk towards Yui, and hopefully their new friend. However, before they could even be in ear-shot, the pair got pulled away by Sasaki Chizuru, another third year.

“Oh, no. Don’t think you will be bombarding her with questions right off the bat.” She bluntly states.

“Oh, c’mon Sasaki, aren’t you curious about her? Like how did she get into volleyball? Or even, is she a beginner? Or maybe she is an absolute monster who dominates the court!” Etsuko proclaimed as her mind went too fast for her mouth to follow.

“As of right now, it’s not our business. All we can do, and are allowed to do”, emphasizing the word ‘allowed’, “is to watch from the sidelines and quietly eat our lunches.” Chizuru instructed the first years and pointed at the far corner of the gym. 

Despite her own words, Chizuru couldn’t help but glance at Y/n and wonder the same things that the first year questioned. At face value, Y/n was quite the enigma. The 2 first years gave a pout, but headed towards their desired location.

“So, you came from Niiyama Girls' High? That’s a really good school for volleyball. What made you come to Karasuno?” Yui asked.

“It was the most ideal school in terms of my dad’s work location.” Y/n states plainly. She didn’t technically lie. It was an ideal school in terms to the proximity to her new apartment, but that was not the only reason. She saw videos of their interhigh-prelims last year and to be quite frank, Y/n was not entirely impressed with the state of their team. However, she knew that this meant there was room to grow for them. She knew very well that she could have gone to Shiratorizawa and joined their girls’ volleyball. Objectively, with her skill set, Shiratorizawa made sense. Nonetheless, Y/n didn’t know what compelled her to pick this one. She convinced herself it was because she is a sucker for rooting the underdog. 

Does this kid show any emotion? Yui thought in her mind. It’s like nothing affects her. 

“How long have you been playing volleyball?” Yui curiously asked.

“Since the 2nd grade.” Y/n quickly states. As much as she wasn’t showing it, she was just itching to show what she can do. The court was right there in front of her, after all.

“That’s impressive, alright, well if you’re comfortable with it, I’d love to see some serves and sets from you. After school, we can hold a three on three since we all aren’t really in the right clothes to play.” 

“Sounds good.” To say Y/n was excited would be an understatement. As she removed her cream sweater, she could feel a set of eyes burning a hole on her back. She turned around to put her sweater down and realized that she was wrong. It wasn’t one pair of eyes, it was all of them, curious to see how good she really is. She could feel her heart pounding at the thought of holding everyone’s attention. She knew if she let her mind continue, the nerves would get to her and hinder her performance. She took deep breaths and started to quietly humm a song that was previously playing on her phone from her morning ride to school. 

Yui passed a volleyball to her and ran to the other side of the net, and yelled, “Let’s see what ya got!”

Y/n carried herself behind the serve line, taking one deep breath to keep her hands from shaking. With that exhale, she opened her eyes and focused her sights on Yui. The captain wouldn’t admit it, but she could already feel herself sweating under the first year’s gaze.  

She looks so intimidating. I’m not even on the court, yet I’m scared. Yuma viewed Y/n’s determined look. For Y/n, it was as if everything crumbled away and the only thing remained was the court. She starts her run up.

A jump serve?! Yuma, Etsuko, and Chizuru incredulously thought simultaneously with eyes basically bugging out of their head. They watch in amazement as she jumps with severe height and reeled her arm back. After that, all that could be sensed was a loud snap and then the ball smacked the ground next to the wide-eyed captain. The impact from the ball gave a small breeze through Yui’s short hair. The deafening silence that followed her serve filled the room in an instant. Those watching from the sidelines had to pick up their jaws from the floor.

“She’s a first year?! Are you sure?!” Etsuko broke the silence with her curiosity getting the best of her. 

“Boke Etsuko! That was already clarified, don’t make her repeat herself!” Yuma scolded. While Yui read your capabilities on your application form, it was nothing like actually being on the receiving end in real time. 

“That’s quite a serve she got in her arsenal.” A voice startled the three high school students, sitting on the sidelines. Etsuko and Yuma were the most startled, but Chizuru was quite used to her fellow classmate popping in every now and then.

“Seriously, Sudou. We have to put a bell on you or something because I don’t think my heart can take any of your surprise entrances.” Sudou Rinko only slyly chuckles at Etsuko remark. She looks over at Y/n and Yui on the court.

“Did you guys see the precision on that serve?” Rinko posed to the other three sitting on the ground, munching on their lunch.

“Well, not really, but it landed, like, near Michimiya, right?” Etsuko tries to come up with the answer that Rinko was looking for. 

“It landed right next to her left foot. I think that pipsqueak is able to aim her serve.”

“What?! That’s insane.”

“Yeah, insane, but not impossible.”

“With her, maybe we can win more games!”

“Don’t get your hopes up, Etsuko, a team is only good if everyone is giving their all.” Yuma reminds. “After all, there’s not only one person on the court, there’s six.”

“I heard she came from Niiyama Girls' High.” Sudou stated as she reverted her gaze back to her fellow teammates. They stared at her after she gave more information on the stranger in their gym. 

“Why would she come to Karasuno then?” Yuma asked honestly. She knew that her team had strengths, but she also knew that other teams had strengths that overpowered them.

“How could you diss your own school like that?” Etsuko was almost angry at how her teammate was treating their school. She always was the one to take pride in everything she does. 

“No, that’s a valid question. It makes sense that a player with her caliber would be well-suited in a powerhouse school.” Rinko supported Yuma in her question. All four look ahead and see that Y/n is beginning to set for Yui.

“Her precision and accuracy are so on point, it almost makes me sick.” Yuma commented on how your form for setting only held the necessities. Y/n stepped with purpose, and it showed as she passed a nice set for Yui, allowing her to have optimal choices in where she can place her spike.

The bell rang, ending lunch. Etsuko couldn’t wait for practice. She wanted to play against Y/n on the three on three. As for Yuma, she always wanted to learn how to set, but with her grand height, most people would assume she would be great as a spiker. Everyone started to pack their belongings up, heading to their respected classes. Y/n started to head towards class 1-5. Etsuko and Yuma caught up with Y/n, standing on the sides of her.

“Do you guys need something?” Y/n poses the question bluntly, yet she was quite startled. Y/n never expected to have people purposefully come up to her.

“Yeah, where did you learn to serve like that? It’s crazy!” Etsuko praises.

“Don’t you remember what Sasaki said? Don’t crowd her with questions, dumbass!” Yuma scolded, which Etsuko already had an irritated look on her face.

“It’s only one question! It’s not like she’s going to fall apart by it, and I just wanna know because I want be strong as well!” Etsuko’s vain on her forehead looked like it was having a field day.

“Yeah, like that would ever happen.” Yuma remarks.

“What did you just say?! I’m going to make you eat your words!” 

“Ooo Frenchie has me shaking in my boots” Yuma taunts with the famous pink haired character from Grease. Etsuko started to jump at Yuma. Because Y/n was between them, she raised an arm.

“Please do not fight, you may cause a ruckus.” Y/n chimed in. The first years returned to their previous spots. Etsuko huffed a little and crossed her arms and slightly turned her head away.

“So, what class are you in? I am in class 1-4. I don’t think I have seen you in the hallways.” Yuma tries to maneuver the conversation to something other than volleyball. Y/n was honestly confused. It’s been awhile when someone her age, someone in her grade asked her a genuine question about herself. She almost felt it was some sort of joke.

“Um, I have class 1-5. And that’s because today’s my first day. Transferred a bit late.” Y/n had pauses in between her words, still not used to people going out of their way to talk to her.

“Woah! You must be pretty smart! That’s a college-prep class, right?” Yuma genuinely comments with a warm smile. Y/n nods, complements on stuff other than volleyball made Y/n short-circuit. The trio walks inside the main school building, the air condition changing the atmosphere. Y/n didn’t notice, but she received some stares from other students as the three walk through hallways. While Y/n remained oblivious, Yuma and Etsuko realized immediately and looked at each other with perplexed looks, not because of the stares that were directed towards you, but the fact that you seemed unfazed by it. 

“Woah, who is that? She’s really pretty.” a student spoke to their friend.

“She’s new I’m pretty sure.” another commented.

“I heard she has a famous dad. She’s like loaded.”

“I wonder if she’s taken”

“I heard she came from California.”

“Someone told me she’s snooty.”

“Her looks certainly make up for it”

“Why is she hanging out with those weird volleyball girls?”

Etsuko physically jolted at that last comment, anyone can physically see the irritation on her face. She turned her head towards the voice of the last comment, wanting to immediately put them in their place. On the other hand, Y/n was too much in her head at the moment.

Shoot, I haven’t asked them a question. Well, that’s what I should do, right? That’s what friends do? Wait, we aren’t even friends, I just met them. They probably think I’m weird. Oh great, now I haven’t said anything for the past 3 minutes. They probably think I don’t like them. Y/n felt that this was weird foreign territory. 

“So, what’s your favorite subject?” Y/n broke the silence, just wanting to say anything to make sure that her two future teammates knew that she was still invested in this conversation.

Are you serious, Y/n?! No one wants to talk about school, that’s so lame! They probably think you’re a smart ass. Uhg. You’re terrible at this. Y/n wanted to groan and bow her head in shame, but all she could do is hold her head high and follow through with her question.

“I like math, and you won’t get an actual subject out of Etsuko, she will probably say something stupid like lunch.” Yuma answered.

“Hey! Why do you keep answering for me?! I am fully capable of answering!” Etsuko barked at her snarky teammate.

“Yeah, your English grade can clearly vouch for you.” Yuma sarcastically stated. Etsuko looked like all the blood from her face left, looking quite pale due to her not so great English grade. Y/n didn’t realize it, but a small smile was on her face as she saw the two interact.

“Well, this is my stop, And, Etsuko, your stop was awhile ago.” Yuma stated as she didn’t really know if she should just send a wave your way or a handshake because Y/n seemed so formal. She settled with a pat on the back. Etsuko copied Yuma, but her pat was a bit more forceful and it really just turned into a smack. Y/n didn’t say anything, but noted that Etsuko has one hell of an arm on her. 

“I already knew that! I wanted to talk to our new friend!” Etsuko looked like she was going to cross her arms and stomp her foot like a small child throwing a tantrum. Y/n stopped her walking when she heard the word “friend” come out of Etsuko’s mouth. Y/n turned to look at Etsuko and Yuma with a surprised look. Etsuko and Yuma instinctively thought they misspoke and perhaps angered you.

“We’re friends?” Y/n held a pause between the two words. Her incredulous face kept switching eye contact between the 2 first years in front of her. “You don’t even know if I will be your teammate yet.” Y/n stated. Etsuko bursted out in laughter and it caused Y/n’s face to turn beet red, embarrassed. Yuma’s face looked like she wanted to backhand Etsuko, but before she could, Etsuko spoke “You don’t have to be our teammate for us to be friends! There isn’t criteria the last time I checked to be friends. Besides, you’re really cool!”

Yuma retracted her arm, despite Etsuko being a dumbass, she somehow always knew what to say in awkward situations. Y/n felt something that spread through her chest. It was a warm, fuzzy feeling. Etsuko and Yuma bid there goodbye’s to Y/n, leaving her to get to her class. The feeling in her chest was not new, it’s just a feeling that she has not felt in a long time.

Y/n sat down in her seat and pulled out her notebook. Everyone started to take their seats. Right before the teacher reached to close the door, a short girl with a small blue hair tie in her short blonde hair just managed to slip through the door. She was out of breath and sweaty, muttering an apology and quickly sat at her desk, which was coincidentally on Y/n’s left side. The teacher began lecturing, instructing to open a page in their textbook.

The end of the school day approached rather quickly. Because of her most recent interaction with Etsuko and Yuma, she couldn’t wait for the three on three. Specifically, who would she be playing against. While thinking of possible offense moves to coordinate, Y/n grabs her volleyball bag from her locker and makes her way to the girl’s gym. The door was already open and she peaked through to make sure there was no way she will be tackled again. She makes eye contact with a girl with short black hair, which she vaguely remembers as Sudou Rinko. 

“Hello! I’m sorry I am a bit early, I just wanted to get a head start in warming up because I do take awhile for those.” Y/n quickly explains with a hint of timidness.

“That’s alright! I already setted up the net so you’re welcome to warm up in here or outside, whichever you prefer.” Sudou stated, making sure she didn’t seem to overbearing as others perceive her to be. 

“Okay, thank you. I do prefer outside.” As much as Y/n’s face held a deadpan look, she was nervous in front of the third year. She didn’t know if she could just head out or bow. Unfortunately, she went with the latter. Sudou cheeks turned red. She didn’t really expect that, I mean in her eyes, she’s just a third year. But, your formality was appreciated.

“Heh, no need to be so formal. I’ve seen what you can do even without warming up, and we would be lucky to have you on our team.” Sudou reassured.

Now it was Y/n’s turn to turn slightly red. She’s new to accepting genuine compliments. So, all she did was a weird salute with a firm nod of her head, and headed out.

That kid has an interesting way of interacting with people. Sudou thought to herself. Hopefully, she’ll be able to open up more. Sudou busied herself by warming up as well.

In the meantime, Y/n found a spot near the side of the gym where there were no trees and the sun just perfectly drenched the scenery with natural light. It was as if the sun placed a golden film over everything and settled on a calm atmosphere. Here, Y/n began stretching. 

After awhile, Y/n was tossing a volleyball up in the air, getting comfortable with how the ball fit perfectly in her hands as she set it in the air. After a couple of sets, she got into the rhythm of bumping, setting, and spiking against a wall. While she was focused on the ball, out of her peripheral vision, she notices someone. After a spike, rather than bumping it, she catches it.

“If you are going to stare any longer, I expect a name out of you.” Y/n stated with a calm yet stern tone while still staring at the wall in front of her. 

“I-I’m sorry. You just seem so focused.” The stranger spoke.

Y/n closes her eyes, when she opens them, she turns to look at the stranger. He’s tall, way taller than her. He’s got a beard and his hair is pulled into a tight bun. If Y/n didn’t know any better, she would have assumed he was a teacher, but he was wearing a school uniform after all. With her eyes set on him, it was as if the guy visibly shook in fear and eyes widened.

“Well, you have to be, in an actual game of course.” Y/n responded.

“You play?” The mysterious guy asks. He does have a calming voice for someone who looks like the opposite.

“In order for me to answer, you should give me your name. I’ve been taught to not talk to strangers.” 

“Oh r-right. I’m Azumane Asahi.”

There was a beat of silence as Y/n kept staring at him, deciding how she should approach this conversation. In Asahi’s eyes, he thought she was judging him and he started to wonder why didn’t he just mind his own business. 

“Yes, I play.” Y/n answered his previous question. Asahi perked up at her answer like a little puppy. 

“You seem like you’re really dedicated.” Asahi offered his observation to her. Y/n chuckles. Asahi’s eyes widened once more at the sudden reaction out of the girl.

“I’m guessing you play as well.” Asahi was dumbfounded at your observation. He was scared at how you were able to pick that up quickly.

“H-how did you-”

“Someone who is able to easily recognize the dedication in one person, also finds that same dedication within themselves” 

Damn, this girl is wise. Asahi thought.

“However, volleyball was just a guess.” Y/n continued. “And I was lucky enough to be right.”

“Well, I don’t know about that.”

Y/n looked at him again. Y/n wasn’t one to let someone divulge into their personal life. Mainly because no one really came up to her for advice since she was quite the nonchalant person. However, if today is any indication, it seems her social interaction skills has been given a second shot. Y/n analyzed Asahi’s troubled face.

“Are you having an internal battle?”

How unfortunate that you phrased it that way, Y/n. Jeez. You can be so formal sometimes. Y/n scolded herself.

“Yeah, of some sorts.” Asahi responded with a puzzling look at the ground.

“About volleyball?” Y/n specified.

“Uh, yeah.” he reluctantly responded.

“What’s up?” Y/n knew that was more informal and she mentally high-fived herself for talking like a normal teenager.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah”

“Have you ever not wanted to do something because you failed at it?”

A beat of silence.

“No.” Y/n said confidently. However, she knew what he was trying to ask, so she added, “But, I’ve felt frustrated at it before.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

“Well, tell me, can you be frustrated at something yet you want keep trying it?”

Asahi didn’t respond, just thinking of what she said.

“The answer is yes, by the way. Volleyball is a sport where you are constantly improving yourself, just like any other sport really.” Y/n started to blabber on. “Volleyball provides that uncomfortable tension of not being enough. For some people, it discourages them completely, leaving them to quit or be stagnant. But, there are rare cases where the person is strongly encouraged by it. Those are the people who really do succeed.”

Asahi was deep in thought as he processed your words. As Y/n looks at Asahi, he looks like he’s going to hurt himself if he thinks any harder. 

“Here, stand over there. Let me set for you.” Y/n commanded. Asahi Looks up, “h-how did you know I spike?” At this point, he thought you were some sort of psychic.

Y/n shrugs, “Only an ace would have that mindset and label a simple mistake as a “failure”. You feel like you’re whole team depends on you, right?” Asahi nods with shame. “Well, I think you need to understand that the other 5 people on your side have their own jobs as well. Sure, they know that you are capable of grabbing a point, but that’s because they are supporting you in the process.”

Asahi is quite overwhelmed at all the truth you are speaking, but it makes sense to him. Asahi obeys and walks where you pointed to.

“Now, run up like you are going to spike. You’re job is to knock,” Y/n grabs an apple from her lunch box, “this off of this trashcan.” Y/n places the apple on the the tin can and positions it in the way where a blocker would be in terms of where Asahi is standing. “Imagine this,” she draws a line in the dirt with her foot, “is the net. And, I don’t doubt that you are able to hit over the net.”

“O-oh I don’t know, you see, I haven’t really-”

“Just do it.” Y/n cuts him off with a sigh. Asahi gulps and catches the ball from Y/n. 

He takes a deep breathe in. And a deep breathe out. He tosses the ball to you. Of course, Y/n perfectly sets the ball for him.

She notices after those deep breathes, it seems Asahi is a completely different person. He looks more focused and confident. His eyes are concentrated on the ball. 

After the set, Y/n quickly looks over at the tin trashcan. And lo and behold, her apple is now on the dirt floor. Y/n smiles fondly. Asahi carries the most precious smile on his face. 

“Now, how did that feel?” Y/n questions him.

“Makes me want to do another.” Asahi was staring at his hand as if the key to life was written on his hand. He then looked over at Y/n with a glint of inspiration in his eyes.

“The boys volleyball team should still be practicing, right? I still have to start my own practice.” Y/n shares a soft smile, which she hasn’t done in awhile. Asahi reverts back to a nervous state. Y/n’s guessing there is some awkward tension between that relationship.

“Just go to them. It never hurts to just try, right?” Y/n tries her best to be encouraging, but not too pushy.

“I-I don’t know I left them so suddenly-”

“Just go! Or else.” Y/n knew she shouldn’t use fear as a tactic to push him, but to be quite frank, it’s useful in these rare occasions. Asahi fervently nods, he didn’t want to hear what came after ‘what else’ so he quickly grabs his bag and starts his jog to the boy’s gym.

“Oh wait! What’s your name?” Asahi was already a bit far, so she had to yell, “Y/n! Good luck!” She cups her mouth as if that will totally help her voice travel to him. “Well, thank you, Y/n!”

Y/n picks up her things and heads towards the gym, where she has her own journey to embark on.

Taglist: @riceballsandanime

[vacation-grif]

What kinda feelings?

A LOT, ACTUALLY. Like I said before, the RTNY group was telling me to skip it because it wasn’t a good season, and I want to express how much I wanted to just form my own opinion, only to end up agreeing with them in the end. Let me break this down as best as I can now that I am on my PC. I mean no disrespect to the director and writer, as well as the cast and crew. Honestly, I’m worried that my opinion makes me feel like a boomer at this point.

First off, if anyone was going to tell me that I’m going to have headaches over bright flashing lights and colors over a Red vs Blue series, I wouldn’t have believed you. As I said before, they should’ve just called this “Red vs Blue: Epilepsy Warning THE M0VIE”. I understand that they are using the Unreal Engine, because my god the graphics on this is INSANE. But everything is...too bright. TOO. BRIGHT. Everything has a lens flare no matter where the camera turns, and with the high paced action, all the lights and colors, it HURTS.

-

Next, this is a fully CG-animated season. We haven’t had one like that in SUCH a long time, and this is the first in the 20-ish years of Red vs BLue. When I was a kid who didn’t have a cellphone, I could only imagine what Red vs Blue was like when my best friend would play it over our landline on a weeknight before we would go to school the next day. And I would come over and be like, HOLY SHIT. IS THIS FUCKING HALO?! So imagine my excitement when after 8 years of Red vs Blue using Halo 1 to Halo 3 assets, you see a Warthog just crash through the walls of Valhalla, something you’d never see in a Halo game. A fully animated scene of Grif running over Washington (hell yeah), and an angry Washington outside of his game model just climbing onto the hood of the car and shooting at Grif through the windshield at pointblank range. Then cut to episode 10 of the same season, Tex makes her triumphant return, fully animated instead of her Halo 3 game model. And in the last two episodes of the season, you get OUR VERY FIRST FREELANCER VS FREELANCER FIGHT. You find out this was the work of the late Monty Oum (rest in peace), and until Season 10, Red vs Blue was THE HIGHEST POINT OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE.

Then we go to Season 12 where the animation post Oum (he was working on RWBY at this point but iirc this was just before he died) was choppy at best and didn’t feel right until Season 13, where within the one year the animation team REALLY stepped up. And this actually carries over into Season 17, Singularity, where it became more animation and less game effects, or rather it was balanced. It wasn’t extravegant like Oum’s works, but given that these are the Simtroopers, some Freelancers, some Mercs, and time gods, it felt par for the course. It felt right.

We cut now to these upgraded graphics, which felt like when you were playing on your Xbox 360 and you jsut FUCKING SHOT into the Xbox One. It was, as you would say, unreal (lol). But it felt...off. The first two episodes, the entire action didn’t feel like what you spent 16 seasons watching. It felt like a whole another beast entirely. With the use of super powers, you would think oh the Freelancers had that! Yes, but those were all suit enhancements. These...didn’t feel like it. Zero’s and Phase’s teleportation didn’t feel like something that Fragmented AI can control. Shatter Squad’s at least felt more at home. 

The models themselves were a bit off too. Choppy at best, but understandable given that they were using the Unreal Engine. But you notice that they do a lot of hand on hip pushed out to the side type of thing a lot? Everyone does it. Except Raymond, West, and the big dude. Like the SASSY STANCE. Also, there was way too much power stance. Where if your feet were shoulder width apart, it was a bit wider, and also the pelvis was out a little more. A bit weird. Finally, everyone has an ass. Everyone. Even West. West has an ass, it was like, everyone was dummy thicc and the clap of their ass cheeks was alerting Viper.

-

Next, voice acting. I...absoultely could not stand the voice acting. It was completely over the top, overdramatic, over exaggerated. Granted, I’m a singer, a perform, but I’m not exactly a good actor myself in the few shows I’ve actually done. It felt like watching an anime. When you wtach something with dialogue of your own language, you can tell when you feel something is to over the top. If you watch something of a language you don’t speak, it’ll go over your head, unless you start to speak that language, and you speak to people who speak that language, then you start to pick up what is regular speaking and what is acting. When an anime gets dubbed, most times, the voice actors tend to over dramatacize in the same way the Japanese due, and some times it works, most times it doesn’t. This is because the Japanese way of acting comes from kabuki theater. When English dubbers do that with this weird over emphasized emotions, it is extremely offputting.

In some places, the voice acting is poorly done. Jen Brown’s performance from just getting out of a hospital to giving an expositional lecture about the new cast in literally 5 seconds of time was...off. Carolina should’ve had more time to recover, especailly after losing Washington, one of her closest surrogate family, she felt...a little too calm and normal. Not like the Carolina who was hesitant but trying her best to be a whole better person (see the Paradox Arc, S15-17). It was jsut quick shift, and now she’s making snarky remarks in that Jen Brown voice she does (my god step on me please) and also being a mother hen. Also, she really calls Washington David way more this season than she ever did before that.

Fiona’s performance was shaky at best in my opinion, I don’t know her very well outside of what everyone says. All I know is that sometimes, the way she emphasizes some of her lines don’t fit the situation very well. I think East/Phase was a lot better done than One imo. But she was mostly angry and competitive.

Raymond is the textbook definition of what I hate about taking a character’s role and making it their entire personality. Think of it like watching Power Rangers, and all of their roles is just defined by the shit they say. Jason is the jock, Kimberly is the pretty girl, Trini is......I’m not gonna lie, I don’t...know what to classify Trini, Zack was the cool guy, and Billy was the nerd (Tommy was Jock II also the rebel/loner). Raymond reminded me a lot like Billy, where Billy was defined by being so smart, half of his dialogue was just look at me, i’m fucking smart, let me use all of these big words. Half of Raymond’s dialogue was, look at me, i’m the tech guy, I’m nerdy and loveable, it felt like it was too over the top of trying to stand out. By the end of the season, after East’s big reveal, I started to like him a lot more because he knew what was more at stake. I want to say that my initial impression of him was immature at best.

West was too stiff. Just.. Too stiff. I get he’s old. But show some emotion, please.

Why am I emphasizing on this more? When you listen to the dialogue of RvB, and then you listen at this, even with the return cast of Carolina, Washington, and Tucker, the direction was different. I think it’s because of the new medium with Zero being all super animated like an action, where RvB was just a bunch of net videos that you’re gonna laugh at with well timed jokes. It was super casual, but also super real. Geoff and Gus and everyone else aren’t big actors or anything, but that’s what made it feel real. That’s what made RvB feel like its own thing.

-

In terms of writing, I get that this is RvB meets FnF (Fast and Furious). But I honestly feel that it doens’t belong. The story of Shatter Squad vs Viper would have been a lot better if it didn’t have the RvB name tacked on. It’s such a cool concept, but given what RvB was before, the tonal shift is jsut too great, especially when you only have 3 of the previous cast returning.

Speaking of, what happened to Tucker?! What happened to the guy who became a leader? Responsible? Not as arrogant? Maybe playfully arrogant at best, but not stroking his ego? What happened to HIS SWORD? Did they forget how Tucker’s sword works? That it only works IF HE DIES? Tucker didn’t die, and yet Phase was able to use his sword (which by the way is now hers). One of the earliest stories/gags of RvB and they just...retconned it and threw it away! Also, Tucker’s voice acting did NOT match the scene at all. It’s like watching a video game that was localized from Japanese, and the dubbers spoke too fast before the character could finish. Tucker moves outside of his dialogue and there is this weird seconds of silence. That...that was just a BAD return for him.

-

My final thought is that, if RvB Zero is not...the RvB I grew up with. Maybe the jokes are dated, but the memories of what RvB was is still real. This just...doesn’t feel like RvB anymore. This should have just been it’s own show, it’s own story, replace Wash and Carolina and Tucker with new characters, it just wasn’t their place to be in this.

The only thing I liked about this? I’m glad Danielle (I’m assuming this is how you would spell her name) didn’t go AWOL and returned to the team. I actually really liked her the most next to Axel. She was done dirty, but she still held on to that one bond she had as East that Zero didn’t give her as Phase.

-

I know this is probably not a great opinion, and I really hope that Rooster Teeth finds the ground they want this series to go in. Sometimes, you have to try new things, or else staying stagnant will make it go stale. It’s all about trial and error. I don’t know how everyone else feels about Zero, how the new audience and the old audience feels. RvB as a whole wasn’t perfect. They had their down moments. But when you feel that way for an entire season...it’s a problem.

[yamayamawrites]

Castaway AU - Coming Later This Winter!

Hey friends! If you’ve been following me for a while you probably know/have heard that I’m working on another big fic to rival Mr. Loverman (which you can find here on ao3 if you haven’t read it yet, it’s 20 chapters and ~103K completed). And as a special treat for all of you who follow me on here, I wanted to share a sneak peek of what’s to come! I’m super excited about this one guys, I have a beta reader and everything (she’s the best, an absolute gem)!! 

But first, I need to tell you what it’s about. Izuku is a famous photographer/social media celebrity, just returned home from yet another trip abroad. He decides to take his sailboat out for a trip to get some final photos and top off his portfolio for the month, but he ends up falling asleep on his boat. What happens when he wakes up on the shore of a secluded island with a strange man shaking him awake?

(Please forgive me, I haven’t touched up the summary just yet.)

Anyways, if you’re interested in reading a sneak peek of the first chapter, please click the ‘read more’ option below!

June 30, 06:48am

It’s hard not to feel some sort of rush, being awake this early.

Izuku has always been a morning person, and even more so in the summertime, when the sun wakes with him. Like today! The sun is up just moments after he is, peeking out from the shroud of ocean it hid behind. Izuku is home today, his second night home after his latest trip (he’d gone to Norway, and of course taken photos of everything). He recovered from his jet lag – yesterday he slept in until nine in the morning and was disgusted with himself – and has his swim trunks and an unbuttoned Hawaiian tee on before the sun can even cast a glare on his floor.

He lives in Horiuchi, a small town with a beautiful beach. His apartment is small – mostly because he spends so little time in his actual apartment that it’s more of a postcard address than anything. It has a single bedroom, a kitchen with a dining table crammed in its center, and a living space about big enough for Izuku’s couch and a wall-mounted television. And even then, Izuku often ends up vaulting the couch to get through.

But the balcony is beautiful, outstretching over his view of Morito Coast. The apartment isn’t as costly as some of the others with worse views, probably in part because this isn’t a vacation town but also because nobody wants to live in the shoebox Izuku lives in. Before him, there hadn’t been an inhabitant in the apartment in well over six months, and they gave Izuku a pretty hefty discount on the place even though Izuku said he’d take it full price.

Izuku throws back the curtains to his balcony door (after vaulting his couch), allows the sunlight to wash over the ground. He opens the balcony door wide, the fresh sea air pouring into his apartment, the cool wash of the last remnants of summer night coming through. It almost makes him shiver, and it does push his rowdy curls into even more awkward angles than before, but he opens his arms anyway to the fresh air.

He pulls his phone from his pocket and snaps a picture, as he always does on mornings he’s home. Though he isn’t around much in the summer, the photos of the sun rising over Morito Coast always seem to be more popular than the rest, and Izuku supposes he will never truly know why. He does suspect, though, that it’s because the view is just so perfect.

He nearly forgets to eat breakfast before he starts his live stream, seats himself out on the balcony in his little lawn chair and enjoys the wash of the summer sun slowly creeping up his bare legs. “Good morning!” he calls to the phone, waves to the camera as he’s joined by tens of thousands of people to watch his live stream. He constantly has to remind himself that not all of his fans are located in Japan – because if they were, he’d be more than surprised at how many people jump on at seven in the morning to watch him stream just talking through his day plans.

“Today I’ll be going off Morito Coast on my sailboat!” he announces brightly. He’s had this on the calendar since he was back in Norway. His sailboat is nothing special, barely large enough for three people comfortably, but he hasn’t had a chance to sail since he left almost three weeks ago and he’s anxious to get back out on the water. A few comments roll in telling him he should try surfing one of these days; he laughs it off and takes a note in the back of his brain to call Ochaco next week and have her teach him the basics.

It’s a normal stream, for the most part. Comments roll through, Izuku answers questions that reappear when he can and apologizes for the missed questions when he can’t. It’s shorter than most, and perhaps that is the most out-of-the-ordinary part of it, but otherwise it isn’t anything noteworthy.

So, then, how does it become his last?

08:16am

The sun is hot, now. On the brink of July is when summer becomes sweltering, enough even that it almost deters Izuku away from the heat. Truthfully, it’s why he went up to Norway – it’s much more temperate up there, less direct sunlight to try and inflict Izuku with skin cancer. He lathers up the sunscreen, though, and heads down to the beach – perhaps a ten-minute walk – in his flip flops, his Hawaiian shirt (now buttoned, but only twice), and his dark green swim trunks.

A few of the locals are already on the beach, and they wave to Izuku, shout good-mornings and ask how he’s doing out of courtesy. Izuku recognizes Ivanka, a retired Russian woman who lives in the next apartment building over. Her Japanese is stilted, but she likes Izuku because Izuku knows Russian. (And English, Chinese, Spanish, Italian, and a touch of French.) He recognizes the twin girls from downstairs, Kamiko and Hana, putting together a sandcastle with their mother, Rin, off to the side reading a book. Izuku’s sailboat is further down the beach, closer to the jagged rocks protruding from the water, roped there tightly to keep it from straying too far. Still, he has to yank it to shore by the rope, an activity that might have been impossible when he was scrawnier, but now barely makes him break a sweat.

The boat’s name is S.S. All Might, a silly name perhaps, but Izuku doesn’t care. He’s named after Izuku’s favorite comic book character from when he was a child, a man he always looked up to because he saved everyone with a smile. And though comic book heroes don’t exist, Izuku has vowed to make a hero of himself as best he can in this modern age, by making people smile with his goofy tourist-y photos and livestreams and videos. And though he probably should be past the comic book stage of his life by now, he keeps All Might’s spirit buried in his heart, and All Might’s vintage comic book collection buried in his closet.

He unties the anchoring rope and pushes off from the rocks. It takes a little bit to get past the waves trying to push Izuku back to shore, but they aren’t too rowdy yet today, and for that he’s thankful. Out on the water there’s a decent breeze, and it brings with it a spray of seawater that tames the bubbling heat on Izuku’s skin. As he catches a drift his boat takes off, out to sea, while he pulls the sail taut the best way he knows.

Though it probably isn’t the safest place for his cell phone, Izuku pulls it out of his swimsuit trunk pocket and captures a photo of the sun’s steady ascent past the water. There is a full separation now of the sun and the water, but it still refracts brightly on the water below, makes for a stunning stock image that will likely be the source of Izuku’s rent money this month. Perhaps next month, too. He doesn’t too much care about that, though; he flips the camera to selfie mode and holds it up, peace-signing with the sail in the corner and the sun behind him. His skin looks much tanner than he is in this angle, and his freckled shoulders are hidden underneath his Hawaiian shirt, but he plans to post it anyway – when he’s back somewhere with a cell tower, that is.

Izuku has sailed the space past Morito Coast many times. It isn’t a huge expanse of water, but it’s enough to feel like an adventure. It’s not too vast that Izuku gets lost, but vast enough that he can if he tries. But today, the wind carries him further, and he lets it. He lets it because he has a cooler secured to the floor, complete with four bottles of water and a few sandwiches in case he decides to stay out on the water longer than he’s expecting. And there’s more sunscreen, a portable charger for his phone, a change of clothes being kept dry below deck. What could another mile past his normal stopping point do?

The sunlight can only be kept at bay for so long by the spray of seawater, and Izuku is beginning to feel the heat going to his head. The sun is higher in the sky now, and Izuku can tell without even checking his phone that it’s nearing noon, with the sun beating directly onto him, thrumming like a drum. He can feel every pulse of his heart. His first three water bottles are gone and he’s nursing his fourth. Still, he smiles lazily. This is where he’s meant to be – underneath the sun. He sits on the deck of his sailboat and pulls his phone from his swim trunks again, snaps a few photos of himself with the sun hot overhead. His freckles are well-visible, and his Hawaiian shirt has been tossed aside in the heat, so his shoulders and chest (also dotted with freckles) are visible. He stretches out on the deck and holds the phone above, snapping a picture of himself lying on the sailboat deck. His abs look more defined than ever, considering the sunlight above is casting rather harsh shadows from this angle.

He knows he shouldn’t. He knows he shouldn’t, and he will kick himself every day for doing it, but he closes his eyes, lets the warm summer sun be his blanket as he takes a cat nap on the deck. He’s even so bold as to dip one of his legs off the edge of the boat and into the water, like kicking his foot out from underneath a blanket in the summer when it gets too hot. And he sleeps, he sleeps through the sunlight drawing behind a cloud, and reappearing only to be drawn away again, by angry gray storm clouds that he hadn’t expected today. But when has he ever been one to check the weather?

[justlostinautumn]

The Assistant 19/20

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9,Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18

Avengers x Reader (Fury/adopted-daughter) Bucky Barnes x Reader

A girl trying to hide her past who was adopted by Nick Fury, but cared for by Tony Stark and Pepper Potts. Being Tony’s assistant and asked to help the rest of the team. She doesn’t remember much from her past, but maybe working with this group of misfits will help knock a few memories loose and open some doors to the past. – Sorry if this sucks!

A/N: Please send me thoughts on where you want to see this imagine go… or ideas for new stories!

There was still a lot to deal with after everything that had happened at the manor house. Fury had sent in a group of agents after the Team to tidy everything up, a press statement was made about bring down the Y/L/N organisation. The government thanked the work of the Avengers and then word of the Black Cat being the organisation’s creation got out, with videos of her training. People started to recognise Y/N as the girl and there were more questions to be answered.

Bucky and Wanda have constantly been by her side when Fury was having to answer questions that the press had about the incident and Y/N involvement. Fury issued the statement: ‘I adopted Y/N when she first escaped the organisation's clutches and she had no recollection of her past even after being tested with technology from both Wakanda and created by Tony Stark. It was only in recent months we found out who she was and with her help and building and triggering her memories she helped us bring down this organisation. In doing so she risked her life and is currently recovering. That will be all.’ Nick hated that he had to do a press release about it.

The world was slowly falling in love with Y/N. Tony posted videos of Y/N helping him and being his assistant, along with videos he shot without Pepper and her knowledge of them singing and dancing. These videos included Spice Girls songs that made Pepper hit Tony repeatedly and then sit next to Y/N’s bedside and watch them. The videos of her and Tony consisted of her avoiding being tripped up and covered in dirt, in one case it was a spanner he was throwing at dumb-e. There was a lot of her laughing and the whole team liked to watch it because it wasn't something they got to see a lot of. The videos ranged from 18 to the present a lot of the latest ones include Pepper and Y/N sending their love to Tony and wishing him the best with threats about him hurting himself or dying.

Videos of Maria, Nick and Y/N got posted. These were from when she was younger, it showed the state she was in when she was found the year of her bonding with Nick and Maria. Video of the first Sunday Roast she had with them. A video of Maria and Y/N playing games. A video of Nick and Y/N laying on her bed as he tells her stories and comforts her to tell her it would be okay. A video of her first meeting Tony and Pepper, Tony looking offended when Y/N says he’s made a mistake.

Video footage of her dancing her graceful movements, some of the footage has Natasha from the one time they danced together. Videos of her training with the team, helping Wanda perfect her form and the little fight with Bucky she had. There was also the cute moment that Pietro and Peter caught on camera with Bucky and Y/N snuggled close and him soothing her after a nightmare.

People were seeing her for the girl she was and not the monster her family and HYDRA made her. People were seeing that your past doesn’t have to define your future and that a person may have been forced to do a lot of bad but it doesn't make them bad. A lot of people also started to warm up to Bucky as well, seeing videos and pictures of him sitting with Wanda by Y/N’s bedside talking quietly to Y/N.

The world began to anticipate the waking of Black Cat.

During the three weeks of press conferences, Wanda had been working through Y/N thoughts and memories of the two weeks at home. Wanda saw what Y/N saw and felt what she felt, but she knew that Y/N was holding something back and with the help of linking Bucky and Y/N to her, Wanda managed to figure out what she was missing the fear that the team wouldn’t come, the fear that she wouldn’t see Fury, Hill, Pepper, Tony, Wanda or Bucky again. But, most of all the thoughts of Bucky that helped to keep her sane and to keep going, to not turn everything off and give her parents everything they wanted. The memory of home and the warmth it brings.

When they came out of Y/N head they brought the whole team in and Wanda showed them the thoughts she had about everyone and how she was ready to die for them rather than give in to what her parents wanted her to become. When the memory stopped something came forth in the red mist projecting her memories and even Wanda was slightly confused. 

“Is that a cat?” Clint leaned forward.

“It’s a Black Cat.” Bucky smiled as the cat looked at him and walked to sit in front of him on Y/N stomach. It looked down at their join hands.

“I think I’m ready to wake up now. I just don’t know how long it’ll take... I want to come home!” Y/N voice came from the cat and its head tilted to Wanda and it nodded it’s head once more and Wanda pulled away and the cat disappeared.

“What?!” Tony shouted.

“How?” Peter looked like he saw a ghost.

“I have an open connection with her, it kind of allows her to project thoughts through me and show you guys. But I can only do it when I really try and she doesn't have her walls up.

“How long do you think it’ll be?” Steve looked at his exhausted friend that had nothing but hope in his eyes.

“Soon.” Wanda sat next to Bucky and took his right hand in both of hers.

5 hours of the team pacing and constantly fidgeting almost causes Bucky to kick everyone out. Wanda stayed in Y/N’s mind to see what was happening and she kept her primary focus on the girl.

“She has to wake up soon!” Tony spoke and for the first time, Wanda looked away and didn’t have a red tint to her eyes.

“Soon.” Wanda smiled and Tony hugged Wanda tight and she squealed.

The two weeks had been torture and the only encouragement they had gotten was from Wanda who was poking around in her head. She was the only one who could say what was happening. But, they finally felt some hope that she would be up and moving soon.

Bucky felt her grip on his hand tighten and he looked at Wanda who smiled and nodded, he looked back down to Y/N and saw her E/C eyes looking up at him and he laughed.

“That’s a nice sound to wake up too.” She smiles, her voice a little gruff from the lack of us. But the squeals and shouts cause Y/N to laugh.

Hugs! Everyone was hugging everyone and it went quiet when Fury walked in. A text had been sent to him with a little video of the cat and he was rushing over with Maria and they finally got to the Compound and they were greeted with the sight of Y/N’s laugh.

“Dad!” Y/N barrelled out of the bed and into the arms of Nick Fury.

“Little One!” Nick cried and held on tight to Y/N fearing it was a dream, if it was he didn't want to wake up.

“Mom!” Y/N hugged Maria tight and Maria was crying as she ran her hands through Y/N H/C hair. When she pulled her head back Maria placed a kiss on Y/N’s forehead and smiled.

“I guess you want that roast dinner?” Maria smirked.

“Please!” Y/N bounced up and down.

“How are you feeling?” Nick looked down at the girl who has managed to worm her way into his heart. She held Bucky’s left hand and had Pepper’s arm wrapped around her waist.

“Free.” She beamed up at him.

Tags:

@jay-the-mothafuckin-gay, @dark-night-sky-99, @stormi-ames, @jsmith509, @thelostallycat, @animegirlgeeky, @mercurybarnes

[tonidshipper]

The Sky In My Heart Clears - A YoshiMaru Fanfiction

Read on Ao3: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Chapter 2: That’s one hell of an opportunity indeed 

Chapter Summary:  In which Yoshiko is just plain confused with how her day is going.

Yoshiko have Cinematography 1 and Film Theories 1 for today, both of which are morning classes so it is convenient that she is scheduled for an afternoon interview.

Cinematography is interesting, as usual. They’re finally testing the different cameras to use for filmmaking. The Arriflex’ video quality was superb but, she is much more comfortable with the low-costs filmmaking using a DSLR. Thanks to Mari’s gift, her DSLR is up to date with the new ones. She was still using a camcorder back then for her ‘fallen angel livestream for the little demons’ and it was also the same one they used to film their first few Aqours PV and other content. Compared to the DSLR, that camcorder was like a potato, as the internet would say.

Since Yoshiko got the camera, she’s been studying the functions and using it to practice which is why she’s thankful that when they start making their short film projects, they’re not required to use the Arriflex and they can use their rigs. For this term, at least. They will have to use it at some point for Cinematography 2 though.

After that fun class comes Yoshiko’s least favorite course, Film Theories 1. Mis-en-scene is the current topic, which Yoshiko defines as ‘everything you see on the set and in the scene, basically ’. Of course, it is a lot more broader than that, with the different elements and all, but she is just very distracted by the fact that she will be going to an interview after class.

As soon as their professor dismisses them, Yoshiko bolts out of her seat and out of the classroom.

She barely makes it on time. She enters the building, showing her ID to the security guard. She receives a pass which she pins to her ID before heading towards the reception desk.

“Hi, how can I help you?” The brunette receptionist inquires.

“Hello, I’m here for an interview with-” Crap, she forgot the name of the person she was supposed to look for. “Sorry, let me just get my phone,” she says.

The receptionist practically beams at her before which, Yoshiko doesn’t really know how to react to. The older woman watches her for a few seconds. “Tsushima Yoshiko-san, right?” She asks. Dumbfounded, Yoshiko nods. “It’s nice to meet you. My younger sister is a fan of Aqours. As am I, as an extension.”

Oh, right. “A-Ah, yes. Thank you for your support.” She smiles then bows her head, not sure how to react once again. She really needs to calm down, she scolds herself mentally for it. Yoshiko finally manages to fish her phone out and read the text from last night. “Sorry, I’m looking for Tanaka Keiko-san.”

The woman nods in acknowledgement. “For a moment please, Tsushima-san.”

Yoshiko still can’t believe that people recognize her for being a part of Aqours up to this day. In fact, the friends she met in university approached her because they recognized her. While it did have its perks, Yoshiko feels like some people are reluctant to approach her because of it.

A woman comes up to the reception desk while Yoshiko is lost in thought. The receptionist knows her, it seems.

“Ah, you’re here to see Tanaka-san?”

“Yup! She’s here, right?”

“Yes but Tsushima-san here is being scouted as a talent, I believe and she’s asked by Tanaka-san to come here for an interview.”

“A talen-?” Yoshiko mumbles to herself in confusion and finally glances at the person the receptionist is talking to. The woman is shorter than her by 2 inches, probably. Her hair is jet black hair which are tied into high pigtails with red ribbons on both sides. The woman’s ruby eyes are doing the same thing - looking at her curiously.

Then, the woman grins. And Yoshiko swears she has never been more stunned in her life. It’s almost impossible for Yoshiko not to recognize who this person is. After all, Chika would gush about them back in high school non-stop during the time they were in the process of establishing Aqours. Also, Ruby and Hanamaru managed to make her watch a lot of their music videos and TV guestings. Because of that, somehow, Yoshiko knows what the woman will say next.

“Nico-Nico-Nii!”

“Y-Y-Yazawa N-Nico-san!”

Nico strikes her signature pose while Yoshiko bows.

“Call me Nico! You’ll be working with Nico, after all. You’re Tsushima Yoshiko of Aqours, right?” Nico tilts her head. Still, Yoshiko hasn’t recovered from the shock that is meeting one of Aqours’ inspiration that she can only nod. “Ah, this is amazing! Hanayo’s going to flip when she hears that Nico’s going to work with a member of Aqours!”

A lot of things are going on in Yoshiko’s mind. First is, what the hell? Second is the Yazawa Nico of μ's somehow knows her and the rest of Aqours. Third, did the idol just say that she’ll be working with her?

“N-Nice to meet y-you, Nico-senpai,” is what Yoshiko manages to reply because honestly, what do you even reply at a time like this?

Nico grins. “Likewise! You can drop the senpai too, really. But that’s up to you. And, since we’re both heading towards Kei-chan’s office, let’s go together!” The idol waves at the receptionist and heads toward the elevators.

The younger girl continues to stands there in shock which Nico has noticed. The idol looks back at her. “Tsushima-san?”

“E-eh!” Flustered, Yoshiko nearly jumps at the sound of the idol calling her. “P-Please, just call me Yoha-” No, not that, she scolds herself. “Yoshiko.” She bows down to the woman behind the reception desk who seems pretty entertained by their interaction before following Nico.

When Yoshiko was still in high school, she could remember their no. 1 resident idol expert, Dia, saying that Nico was the only one from μ's who actually continued being an idol. Yoshiko remembered the older Kurosawa saying that even if μ's had already made a name for themselves, Nico still worked hard and started in a small agency. But she made it big in the end. Which is why Yoshiko still can’t comprehend how she’s now standing next to one of the members of μ's in an elevator.

“Nico was with Kei-chan when she was sorting through the submissions from applicants.” The older woman starts, breaking the silence. “When she mentioned your name, Nico had to look at your profile because Nico had to make sure that she heard that correctly since I’m a fan of Aqours. I then ended up showing a bunch of videos from Aqours. Nico’s always been really impressed with your voice. When Kei-chan heard you, she was too.”

Yoshiko takes note of the fact that Nico refers to herself in third person which, she finds odd. Then again, Yoshiko referred to herself as 'the fallen angel, Yohane' for so many years that she really shouldn’t judge. Also, did her senior just say that she’s a fan of Aqours? “T-Thank you very much,” is all Yoshiko musters to reply.

Nico tilts her head then laughs. “I know Nico’s presence is stunning but you don’t have to be so reserved!” The older woman is grinning at her. “You need to get used to being with the No.1 idol in the universe if you’ll be working with me on this project after all.”

Okay, she’s… a lot of things, Yoshiko thinks, for the lack of a better word. Overwhelming might be the closest word to what she’s feeling but not exactly. “Sorry, I just didn’t expect to meet you and you’re even saying you’re a fan of our school idol group,” Yoshiko explains, slightly bowing her head as a sign of her apology as well. “Aqours was actually established because our leader was inspired by μ's. She eventually managed to turn us into fans as well. We look up to μ's so much so it’s quite a surprise to hear that from you.”

The elevator stops and Yoshiko sees that they are on the fifth floor. Nico gestures for her to go, so she does and the idol gets off as well then begins walking down the hall. “Takami Chika-san did mention in a few magazine interviews, yeah.” She even knew Chika? At first Yoshiko was thinking maybe Nico was just being humble but, holy shit, is she serious? “Nico likes to be updated with the winners of Love Live. It’s nice to see new faces in the industry, y’know?” The idol continues walking until they reach a door at the end of the hall.

Yoshiko watches as Nico raises a hand to knock on the door three times before turning the knob and swinging the door violently. She stands there in shock as Nico barges in. “Your favorite idol is here!” Nico announces. By the doorway, Yoshiko sees paper, crumpled into a ball, thrown at Nico’s forehead. “Hey…” the idol’s voice lowers and she scowls at who Yoshiko assumes is Tanaka Keiko. “You can’t treat me like that! Especially when I was kind enough to bring you the company's latest recruit!"

The fallen angel feels her face loosen into a smirk. So the idol’s demeanor totally changes when she’s talking to people she’s close to, maybe?

“It was just coincidence that you happen to arrive at the same time, Yazawa.” A stern, modulated voice comes from the inside. “Tsushima-san, please come inside.”

At the sound of her name, Yoshiko walks to the door, peeking inside the room first. She’s met by two keen, blue eyes that followed her as she makes her way inside. They’re not exactly harsh. Rather, the eyes reflected warmth and kindness. Somehow, she feels calmer than before. Yoshiko bows down. “I’m Tsushima Yoshiko. It is a pleasure to meet you,” she greets.

“The pleasure is mine, Tsushima-san.” The woman, dressed in a black blazer over a white shirt tilts her head and smiles. She then stands up from her seat. “My name is Tanaka Keiko. I’m one of the artist managers here in Grand Sky Entertainment.” The auburn-haired woman says. Yoshiko nods in acknowledgement but wonders why she’s meeting an artist manager . Shouldn’t she be meeting the Human Resources for hiring? From her peripheral vision, she sees Nico lounging on a leather couch inside the room and looking at her phone. “Thank you for coming today. Please have a seat.” Keiko gestures the seat in front of her table.

The college student obeys. “I’ve read your profile,” the manager starts. “I do admit that I am quite interested because you came from a school idol group much like Yazawa. Though I’ll be frank, I almost didn’t consider sending you an invite.” Again, her blue eyes looks at Yoshiko, as if seeing how she reacts. When she sees that Yoshiko still looks at her with a determined face, she smiles then continues. “The reason for that is because you’re still a student. You see, we here at Grand Sky rarely accept students because of schedules and conflicts.

However, Yazawa over there insisted because she was very sure that you’d do well so the whole student issue will not apply,” She gestures Nico who is now playing what seems to be a rhythm game on her phone. She has her tongue stuck out of her mouth as she played the game. Yoshiko is getting more confused by the second. What exactly is going on? “Which is why I’d like to know if you’re willing to commit to us, if ever we do accept you in the agency. We don’t just take in people, Tsushima-san. We develop them.”

“Basically,” the idol intervenes, making Yoshiko look at her direction. “What she’s trying to say is that she’s willing to take you in as a talent of Grand Sky and not just someone they call occasionally for a job,” Nico mumbles from the couch. Keiko shoots her a look which she doesn’t even see because she’s too busy playing- “Ah, I was scouting for a UR! What’s with these SRs? Stupid game...” -School Idol Festival, it seems.

Keiko clears her throat, Yoshiko’s attention immediately diverted back to her. “Before I was rudely interrupted by-”

“The number one idol in the universe.”

“I was going to say number one annoyance in my ass,” Yoshiko can’t help but let out a subtle chuckle at that. If the idol did notice, she decided not to comment about it. “But yes, Yazawa is correct. We’re willing to take you in as a talent. Of course, that means you’ll go through formal trainings if you’re on board.”

Yoshiko looks at them, bewildered at what is currently happening. “U-Uhm, you must be mistaken, I’m applying as the part-time assis-”

“And we’re offering that you be a talent of ours instead. We do know you’re looking for the job experience since it does say here that you go to a film school. And yes, we are looking for part-timers willing to assist us in some of our shootings and recordings. But, Yazawa over there has sent in a video of yours back when you were still engaged in your school idol activities. I was impressed with your voice and Yazawa gave me the idea that maybe we could scout you as a talent instead.” Keiko explains.

Nico puts her phone down and smiles at Yoshiko. “Unless you’d rather sort out scripts, manage the schedule and all that, I’m sure Kei-chan’s willing to hire you as an assistant around here too, of course.” The idol chuckles. “Totally up to you, Yoshiko-chan.”

In the end, they gave Yoshiko a few days to think about the offer. She has absolutely no idea how things escalated so quickly. She walked in there, applying to help out for music video shoots and studio recordings - how did she end up with a contract to be Grand Sky’s newest rising talent?

“Admittedly, from a business standpoint, you’re very bankable, Tsushima-san.” Yoshiko remembers Keiko’s words from earlier.“You’ve got a good number of followers and fans up to this day, even if you do not realize this yourself. Aqours may have stopped performing but your fans have stayed. That’s part of why we’re scouting you.

As for Yazawa, she’s coming from a fan’s standpoint. School idol groups from Love Live! tend to disband after a few members graduate. Only a few decide to stay together and transition as professional idols, A-Rise being the first. Fans are devastated when that happens. I think that’s why Yazawa is so insistent to take you in. Because she knows how it feels to have a group disband at the peak of their career. She knows how μ's fans felt during their disbandment.  She also knows that you’ve got so much potential than just sorting out schedules and scripts, and all that kind of work.”

It’s flattering to have someone like Yazawa Nico, one of the most popular idols right now, believe in her so much but, Yoshiko’s not really sure if she can live up to the expectations that her senpai has of her.

“Give it some thought, Yoshiko-chan,” is what Nico said before she went out of Keiko’s office. “We’re not pressuring you or anything. Like Nico said earlier, Kei-chan can offer you the assistant job if you’re set on that. Nico personally thinks that Yoshiko-chan’s got a lot more to offer so, we want to give you the opportunity.”

Yeah, opportunity. That’s one hell of an opportunity indeed. But can she really do it? Besides, she’s studying and she actually likes films. What happens when she agrees to become Grand Sky’s talent? She didn’t really look into what Grand Sky’s talents does because she wasn’t even applying to be one but now, she’d be lying if she says that she’s not interested.

And so, Yoshiko relies on Google.

Apparently, Grand Sky was previously known as a voice acting school and a recording studio.

So, voice acting?

But Grand Sky isn’t just a voice acting school now. When Yazawa Nico, who was under a small entertainment label back then, signed as an endorser and became the face of the company four years ago, she became a game changer for Grand Sky as she attracted investors because of her fame. From then on, it was eventually turned into an entertainment label.

It turns out that during that time, Nico was in the process of going on as a freelance idol because of misunderstandings with her previous label. It was not disclosed but a lot speculated that it has something to do with the idol love ban that her previous label strictly imposed. There are a lot of gossips on the internet about the issue.

Yoshiko makes a mental note that she really shouldn’t look too much into it. The idol love ban is stupid anyway, in Yoshiko’s opinion. It was not confirmed whether that was true but whatever they did to Nico was enough for her to think that she should go on her idol career as a freelancer. That was supposed to be the case however, she figured she could stay with another company for a while so she signed with Grand Sky as their talent. Because of Grand Sky’s sudden popularity, Nico eventually decided to invest on the company as well, now making her a shareholder.

Another contribution that Nico did for the industry other than helping Grand Sky to establish a name as one of the fastest growing entertainment label is the school idol transition program. Grand Sky is closely tied with Love Live! as school idols who decide to go professional are trained there and eventually, they debut as Grand Sky’s new idol group. In short, it became a starting ground for school idols transitioning to professional idols.

Yoshiko’s jaw slacks at Nico’s achievements, business wise. She’s already known how huge the name Yazawa Nico is in the entertainment industry - the idol industry, to be exact so it’s not surprising to hear about achievements such as music awards and idol recognition. Impressive but not surprising. But when she thinks of how her senior was acting earlier, she wouldn’t have thought that the behind the child-like appearance and personality, the idol is a force to be reckoned with. Clearly, more than being just an idol, Nico has thought of helping other idols which, in turn, helps out the idol industry.

Well, Yazawa Nico’s pretty amazing but still, what did she see in her for her to be so insistent on taking her in as a talent? Yoshiko’s been so into her research that she jumps in surprise when her phone rang.

Call from: Zuramaru

Yoshiko swipes on the screen to answer the call. “He-”

“Yoshiko-chan?! Are you alright?!” Comes her friend’s worried (and unnecessarily loud) voice from the earpiece of the phone.

“Eh? I’m fine! I’m fine! What’s wrong Zuramaru?”

A sigh. “Thank goodness, zura!” Yoshiko hears actual relief from Hanamaru’s voice. “I’ve been texting you multiple times earlier and you haven’t replied so I thought you might be busy or you’re still bein’ interviewed but, it’s been hours and you aren’t replying so I thought something might’ve happened to you, zura. I kind of panicked and decided to call you-”

As Hanamaru continues telling her why she’s panicking, a smile tugs at Yoshiko’s lips as she feels warmth envelope her. She’s so cute, she thinks to herself. “Zuramaru,” Yoshiko says and almost immediately, Hanamaru stops. “Breathe,” she instructs and sure enough, Hanamaru exhales. “I’m sorry I haven’t replied. And, thank you for worrying about me. I just had,” Yoshiko pauses, thinking of the right word to describe what just happened to her. “a bizarre day.”

Hanamaru hums. “Did you not get the job, Yoshiko-chan?”

“Quite the opposite, Zuramaru.” Yoshiko lies down her apartment floor and stretches. “I got offered a different job.”

So she spends a good couple of minutes explaining everything to her best friend. “And now, I’ve got a contract with Grand Sky that I’m not sure what to do with.” Hanamaru is silent on the other end and Yoshiko begins to wonder if the other girl had fallen asleep somewhere along her story. “Zuramaru?”

“You met Yazawa Nico-san?! Nico-san from μ's?!”

“Glad to know you’re excited for my new job, Zuramaru.” Yoshiko jokes.

Surprised Hanamaru noises follow afterwards which makes Yoshiko laugh. “That’s not what I meant! Of course I’m happy for you, zura!” Her friend exclaims. “But I think it’s astonishing that you met Yazawa Nico! Was she kind?”

Yoshiko thinks. “Well, she is. But she is also a lot of things.”

“I can imagine, zura.” Silence. “I hope you’re not feeling pressured, Yoshiko-chan. You can say no if you feel like it’s not for you.”

“I know, thank you Hanamaru. Actually, Nico-senpai said that they’re not pressuring me into it.” Yoshiko scratches her cheeks with a finger, lost in thought. “Honestly though, a part of me feels like I want it. I’ve always liked performing. You know how I am with my theatrics.” That earns her a giggle from Hanamaru. “I don’t know Zuramaru. When I think about myself, doing these kinds of things, it just doesn’t feel right.”

“Why so?”

Why? Yoshiko sighs. “It doesn’t feel right not to have you, and everyone else by me.”

Aqours has always Aqours. They all performed as part Aqours. When she thinks of her, alone, without the eight girls she’s been with during their time in the limelight, it feels lonely.

“Y’know, Yoshiko-chan? Sometimes I just wish I was there with you,” Hanamaru says it so genuinely that Yoshiko can’t help but smile sadly. “You sound so different - so sad at times, zura. You know we’re all just here for you, right?”

“Hmm...” Yoshiko sighs. “Zuramaru…” she groans and makes sure to drag out the last syllable, sounding like a whine.

“Now, now, Yoshiko-chan, don’t make me go there,” Hanamaru replies, chuckling. “But really, I feel like you’ve got so much going on so I really worry whether you’re getting enough rest and if you’re eating well, zura.”

Yoshiko leans her head against the table, sighing. Hanamaru always know how to warm her heart. Along with this is a longing to see the girl in person. “I’m alright, Zuramaru. You’re talking about Yohane, the fallen angel! Sustenance is not a problem for me unlike mere mortals like yourself,” Yoshiko says to lighten up the conversation also because Hanamaru has done enough worrying for today. As if on cue though, her stomach rumbles.

“Sure, Yoshiko-chan. Also, I heard that, zura.”

“Zuramaru!” Yoshiko groans in embarrassment as she hears Hanamaru laughing on the other line. She can’t help but smile though because somehow, she feels a lot better. “Fine, I’ll prepare my food.” Yoshiko grumbles. “Say, have you eaten yet?”

“Yes, I have,” Hanamaru answers. “Uhm, do you want me to hang up?”

Yoshiko looks a the time. It’s just 7:30 in the evening. She and Hanamaru have stayed on the phone later than that so maybe she should try and push for a few more minutes. “Shouldn’t I be the one hanging up, since you’re the one who called?”

Hanamaru giggles. “Well, it is not like it is a written rule, zura.”

“It’s a tradition!” Yoshiko exclaims, earning her another laugh from Hanamaru. “A-Are you tired yet, though? If you are, then it’s fine,” she mumbles.

“Does this mean that Yoshiko-chan wants me to accompany her longer, I wonder…” the temple girl says, her tone teasing.

Yoshiko chuckles. “And you call me horrible.” She shakes her head, smiling. Yoshiko stands up and starts heating up some leftovers from her meal the other day. “Is it bad though, if I want you to stay longer?”

She hears Hanamaru make one of her usual ‘Hanamaru noises’ - which is usually a small gasp or a low humming sound or, sometimes just a dragged out ‘zuraaaa’. Yoshiko thinks it’s very adorable when she does that. Though, she wonders what Hanamaru is doing since it’s taking a while for her to reply.

“Zuramaru?”

“Eh?!”

Yoshiko raises an eyebrow. “Are you okay?”

“I am fine, Yoshiko-chan! I-I said I’d actually love to, zura.” Hanamaru replies quickly. “O-Oh, and Yoshiko-chan, actually I’m curious. Did Yazawa-san do that thing she does?”

What was up with that sudden change of subject? Yoshiko wonders but she doesn’t address it. Instead she asks, “Thing?”

“You know! Did she do the ‘Nico-Nico-Nii’ at you, zura?”

Yoshiko laughs. “Yeah,” she says. “That she definitely did.”

The two of them spend the rest of the evening, talking, as Hanamaru accompanies Yoshiko while she eats.

Still, as they continue talking, Yoshiko can’t help but think back to what Hanamaru has said earlier.

She really wishes that her best friend is actually there with her, too.

[daddysfangirls-marvel]

Polyamorous: I know her

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader x Bucky Barnes/ Stucky x reader

Summary : Bucky remembers everything but her face 

warning: Fluff, language 

First kiss | First touch | Moving in | The day they left | Found you | The day Stark found out| Big Change | The Train | The Plane | Alone | Unfortunate Sequence of events | I know her 

Steve and Bucky were finally, kind of sort of, together again. After the whole Civil War and accords thing Steve and Tony sat down talked everything over and changed the accords. The team was no back in New York in the Avengers compound and everyone, except Tony, was friendly.

Although Bucky was back and could remember somethings Steve did not rekindle the flame they had before the ice. For two reasons, one Bucky was still recovering memories and didn’t remember a lot or ever spoke of remembering their relationship and Steve didn’t want to force him into something he didn’t like or remember. And Two their love affair Started with three Steve actually felt guilty and uncomfortable to be with Bucky without (y/n) Steve refused to love one without the other. (Actually, Steve felt uncomfortable starting any relationship with anyone and only one person it felt unnatural to him to have only one. Yep this relationship fucked him up)

Unbeknown ounce to Steve, Bucky was well aware of their past relationship the only problem was he could not remember the three party.

He remembered her body, her touch, her voice, her laugh, her smell, her cooking, dancing, her- her everything. Except for her face and name. In his dreams, he actually saw her face but could never remember it when he woke and never heard her name. She was a mystery. Instead of doing the logical thing and talking to Steve Bucky wrote phrase she would say and draw a scene of her from his memory, of course without her face.

That’s what he was doing now. Curled up in the corner or the couch with a notebook in lap and pencil it is quiet. Bucky looked up to see Clint learning over his shoulder he had been there her the past 5 minutes Bucky hoped he’d walk away without a word but unfortunately this was Clint.

“I get the little guy is Steve but who’s the girl”.

Bucky had drawn a memory Tiny Steve was laying on one end of a couch with a book in his lap on the other end was a girl also reading a book with their legs were entangled with each other ... she had no face.

“Don’t know” Bucky mumbled “can’t remember”

“don’t worry You'll remember sooner or later.” Clint reassured him with an awkward pat on the back “By the way we’ve got a meeting Starting ... 5 minutes ago” rolling his eyes Bucky and Clint rushed to the meeting room. 

“Glad you two finally decided to join us,” Fury says sarcastically. Clint gives an oops and takes a seat Bucky say nothing. “Alright, this is your target” A photo pops up on the screen it was a woman wearing a bunny mask “she belongs to an extended branch of Hydra. She works with a woman called Katlen Vladimir”

“Mama”

“what?”

“The lower ranks call her Mama ... higher officials ‘ The mother’” Bucky said “she” Bucky points to the screen “ she doesn’t have a name everyone called her ‘It’ or ‘The Girl’. I remember doing a few missions with her but not her face. Last I heard she was still in Moscow with Mama”.

He remembered the last time he saw her. He had killed someone super important and the whole world was losing their shit. He was given the reward of not being nice and a girl, he didn’t touch her from what he could recall she was only 15. It wasn’t given much of an award Mama had given her a new dress which she wore when she was iced. Bucky remembered watching the ice flake over her skin so beautifully and actually crack her mask. He caught a glimpse if her eye that he remembers them being a beautiful shade of (e/c).

"do you know where in Moscow they maybe?" Steve asked,

"there's a place in the underworld called 'The Restaurant' if they aren't there Tokyo also has a Restaurant"

"you've been to this Restaurant thing before?" Natasha asked. She had never heard about and had ties to many Russian organization and was surprised to have never her of this place. 

Bucky took a deep breath flipping over the files he began to draw on the back. He spoke as his pen moved "it's kind of like a big part. It's where the rich and sick go to be entertained by live action. Most of everyone ears a mask and use an alias. It starts off as drinks, greetings, and bets. Then the host comes and introduces the pets and their owners-" 

"Pet?" Sam questioned. Bucky decided to dumb it down before he completely lost them.

"Okay... um... their kind of like gladiators but someone owns them. They fight to kill but the less mess they make and the longer they keep their opponent alive and suffering the more money the owners get and more entertainment for everyone else. In some cases, they'll sale the loser's body or weapons to the highest bidder"

Bucky finished his drawing and slid it to the middle of the table. It was of the restaurant. In the picture, two people stood facing each other clothes tattered and falling apart with great wounds. Above were three balconies hundreds of masked men and women stood in suits and dresses cheering for watching the fight below.

"Pets are the fighter. They get nothing out of this besides life. A painful and torturous one at that."

"That is sick," Sam said gagging. "Throwing up already? Haven't even told you what the owners do to their pets" Bucky joked darkly no one laughed.

"why are we hearing this now? " Fury asked angrily 

" As I said sick AND RICH. Kill the organization if you want but the members are like cockroaches crawling until the end of time" Fury clenches his jaw and slams his fist on the table. He hated being left in the dark he hated being powerless. Rich or poor he'd take it all down.

"how did you get in"

"I know someone from the Tokyo district. He can sneak a few of us in, masked of course."

"can we trust this guy"

"define trust" everyone groaned " he's a good guy. But I don't doubt he'll have his own agenda will have to watch for. He'll help."

After Fury left Bucky sat with the others and gave them the base plan of the building or what he could remember. An underground building very big 6 floors, too many exits to count, lots of people. This was either going to be super hard or super easy.

Bucky laid across his bed Photo of the target in hand. "It's her, isn't it. The girl that we saw in the video trying to stop you from.... it's her isn't it" Tony leaned up against his door frame. He had thought about this woman ever since the day he saw that video he has wondered who she was where she when and why had she tried to save his mother?

"Yes... she heard your mother call your father's name and just froze... she tried to stop me... I didn't.... I'm sorry" 

Tony didn't say anything but walked off. He still hadn't forgiven Bucky for what happened to his parents but he had decided to listen and tolerated him understanding that it wasn't entirely his fault. He wasn't forced but didn't know any other choice. He wasn't a victim but he wasn't the killer either. He was ...complicated. One day Tony might forgive him, the day wasn't coming anytime soon, but he'd always remember.

A little after Tony left Steve walked in, Bucky should probably close his door. "Hey, how you feeling pal?" Steve took a seat at the end of his bed. 

"I feel like I should put a Keep Out sign on my door" Steve chuckled "I feel like... shit. I know her but I don't know her. I feel like I should know her and I'm guilty because I don't. I can feel name on my tongue but I can't say it. I can see her in my mind but I can't clear it. Steve, I know her"

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[fictionerd]

GOOD. TO. SEE. YOU. FRIENDS!!!

Here we are! The first post of Summer Season 2018 and we’ll be covering Planet With. This series is released on Sundays and can be watched on Crunchyroll. 

Okay, so let’s cover what we learn from the first two episodes of Planet With.

In episode one we’re introduced to Souya, a young amnesiac who dreams of horrifying giant draconic creature attacking a city and some one flying off to confront it. See it’s shit like this that causes dragons to have a bad reputation. Seriously I can’t believe these assholes who go around burning whatever the hell they want just because they can breath fire. If it weren’t for them dimensional travel wouldn’t be such a daunting prospect for me. I never know when some one is going to have a traumatic flashback and attack me all because some scaley clown got it into their head to “burninate” something.

Sorry, I’m digressing again. After waking up from his ptsdream Souya prepares to have a normal breakfast with his perfectly normal housemates of a large cat-person and green-haired maid. 

Oh wait... My bad. See I’m used to hanging out with a Teddy-Bear whisperer with the ability to access the life’s memory of a version of herself in any given universe, an elf who ONLY exists in the metaverse of the Akashic Record, and most recently a shadow-monster who spent three months pretending to be Swole-Bear. There was also that time I tried to hang out with a copy of a video game character, but we’re not considering that canon anymore. At least not entirely for legal reasons. Oh! There’s also the British man who tears holes in dimensions to fight against “unfair fates” who I’m apparently hosting a podcast with now? My point being that to me the above image is perfectly normal. To most anyone else this is probably at least a three on the Sir Memery WTF chart.

After finishing his veggie breakfast Souya sets off for school complaining about wanting to eat some meat where he bumps into his class rep whose name he has forgotten. You’d think this is just an excuse to set up Tsundere vibes with her, but no it’s far FAR worse than that. See her name is: Kagaratamaha? [wrong buzzer] Hakatamagara? [wrong buzzer] Ta-ka-ma-ga-ha-ra? [Correct Tone] 

So Nickname Pending is worried about Souya and how he doesn’t make friends at his new school. This is because she knows what it’s like to be the new kid, and has apparently never watched an anime in her life so she doesn’t quite grasp the concept of “Leave the mysterious blue-haired transfer alone”.

Side Note: This character’s introduction marks the first time I’ve ever gotten a Japanese pun without some one explaining it to me. So allow me to ruin it for you all by explaining it. She offers Souya some of her Hamburger Steak to which he replies with tears of join “Megane-sama” which she mishears as “Megami-sama” and sheepishly replies that she doesn’t think she’s a goddess before immediately realizing what he’d actually said. This leads into the reveal of her actual name which I refuse to ever use the entirety of again because I honestly don’t think the joke is that funny.

Later that day Souya’s shounen receptors begin to tingle as he picks up on the impending conflict of the story. A UFO is sighted offshore headed towards the city. When the air-force is deployed to deal with the object (Picture in header) they find themselves the victim of some strange joyous delusion and leave the object alone. it’s only when seven strange people, apparently psychics of some kind, utilize their powers to confront it is it stopped. We see one of these people enter the object through a “Weak Point” and have his own delusion.

See, his mother was killed in a fire when he was a little boy causing him to become a firefighter. The UFO hits his brain with a delusion of child him being held back from the blaze by a firefighter only for that firefighter to turn out to be adult him. Adult Firefighter Psychic dude runs into the fire, saves his mom, and the two of them walk through the cherry blossoms as he sorts through all the pent up regrets he has about not being able to save her when he was a kid. Only after we’ve conveniently gotten to know this character’s defining trauma does his squad get through to him and break the delusion, then he uses his Psychic Golem Powers to wreck the hell out of the UFO causing it and copies of it that had appeared around the world to disappear all at once. The same can be said for the Psychics who all blast off to separate places to avoid the fate of E.T. one presumes

While all this was going on Souya got a call from Ginko (That’s green-haired maid lady for those not following the series who also don’t care about spoilers). She tells Souya that he has to defeat “it”, but contrary to what everyone in the audience thinks it turns out that “it” refers to one of the Psychics and not the UFO thing. After Ex-Firefighter current world-saver exits the bushes onto a highway he encounters Souya the cat-man and Ginko. Souya is sporting a mask and being basically lead by the nose at the behest of Catman and Ginko. Now hold onto your seats because this is where shit gets REALLY weird. 

Catman swallows Souya turning into a mech in the process that Souya is now piloting. They get into a fight with Firefighter dude who summons up his psychic golem thing. After fumbling around at Ginko’s direction Souya manages to pilot the Catmech to victory over Psychic Fireman and retrieves a vial of star-shaped dust that is the “source of his power”. At which point I’m lead to believe that Souya recovered his memories because he shouts at Firefighter to tell his friends that Souya is going to kick their collective asses. This is presumably because he believes them to be behind his ptsdream.

After the credits roll we see a scene where a guy I can only describe a scruffy Alder from Pokemon Gen 5 says ominously that Firefighter dude had been taken out.

So, before even watching episode two I can already hands-down predict that this guy is the Draconic asshole from Souya’s ptsdream. Not sure how everything fits together but my working theory is that Souya’s from another planet that Earth governments or some shadowy organization somehow invaded and stole something from. Souya is a sleeper agent and the “Peas” balloon things are meant to lure out those in possession of the Stolen Macguffin or whatever.

There we have Episode One. Please excuse me now while I go watch Episode Two. Well... I mean you can just keep reading by the time this goes up but... BRB!

[Approximately 30min later]

Well my theory from about two paragraphs ago is up in smoke as soon as the opening scenes of this episode roll in and further dashed upon the rocks by Ginko later in the episode. All things in their proper order.

So Torai (That’s firefighter-guy’s name btw) makes his report to dragon-man about his encounter with Soya and company. The other six Psychic warriors all make jabs at him as though he died even when he’s sitting right there in an example of a gag that is legit funny unlike Tara’s name from last episode. While we’re talking about the exposition meeting may I just say that I feel BETRAYED!

See Dragon CEO guy is as nerdy as I AM! He’s the one who found out that the enemy force is called Nebula. He called the giant abominations “Nebula Weapons” gives Soya and Company the name Nebula Soldiers, and what does he call the Psychic Golems his crew uses to fight? Psychokinetic Mega-God Photon Armor. If I didn’t know better I’d think my pops made him from the same mold as me no less. Oh, and their little world-saving club? It’s the Citizens' Safety Center Special Defense Section: "Grand Paladin". I’m in tears, people, this is a Draconid after my own heart.

So, the “Grand Paladin” peeps implement the buddy system in case they run into Soya again. Meanwhile Soya’s having a sulk because apparently Ginko and “Sensei” dragged him to Earth to be their soldier. He goes out on a walk in Iron Clogs (I’m guessing this is a joke I’m not getting). On the run he meets up with Torai who just happens to have purchased a bunch of meat buns from a convenience store. They have a conversation because Torai is a nice guy (that’s a legit nice guy not the version that’s been turned into a derogatory term by certain groups online). See Torai, while out looking for his attacker couldn’t help noticing what he thought was a middle-schooler sitting on a random bench crying and came over to see if there was anything he could do to help.

He gives Soya a bun they chat for a bit with Soya desperately trying both not to give away who he really is as well as to eat the bun because dammit he just wants some MEAT for once! All of a sudden the evacuation alarm is sounded because this wonderful abomination has appeared off shore.

Nebula really needs to consult a different artist about their designs. I personally recommend @dashfox1artwork. 

Robin: Shamelessly plugging your internet friends are we dragon-boy? 

Fic: If you’re not going to show up and fight keep your mouth shut Shadow-bear. I’m just doing my part to show that not all Dragons are assholes. Robin: Whatever you say.

So, the six remaining Psycho-God pilots attack the Ugly Bacon Idol and the pink-haired girl of the team, Miu, is the one to enter the core. The hallucination she sees is of her beating her friend Harumi (Pilot of the Bear-armor) at apparently a Judo competition. We find out that Miu has always just wanted to be strong, and we also learn that she IS strong being able to break through the illusion of the Nebula Weapon with relative ease and destroy the thing. It’s at this point that I should mention that a message has flashed before each of the characters who take one of these things out. In Miu’s case the message was “It’s okay to be weak”. For Torai in episode one the message was “I forgive you” presumably preying on his regrets about his mom.

After Piggy McHideous is dispatched the group separates into its pairs and as we expected Soya and Co target the pair with a member who just fought a battle, but let’s back up for a second because there’s some exposition from Ginko during the fight with the Baconator that needs addressing.

She reveals to Soya that Nebula is indeed the name of the group they work for, but there are multiple faction. Ginko and “Sensei” are with the “Pacifist Faction” whereas the Monuments to terrible design sense that have been popping up in the harbor belong to the “Sealing Faction”. Basically think of this as political parties. One wants to prevent humanity from rising up against them one day by brutally suppressing their ability to advance and keep them in a state of complacency, while the other just wants to take away any dangerous toys that humanity might come up with and hope that they can “guide” humanity onto the path of “Love” rather than “Power”.

Hmmm one group bent on maintaining their personal status quo at the cost of anyone else and another that wants to control precisely what power the general populace has access to in order to “guide” them on the “right path”? I wonder where I’ve heard that one before?

Sorry about that. The Writer is coming through me a little strongly there. Point is that Ginko is using Soya to enact social and ideological control... I MEAN to take away the magical stardust that allows the Psycho-God Pilots to do their thing... yeah. Back to the proper progress of the episode: Soya once again pilots his cat-mecha-sensei to fight against Miu and Harumi. It is a pretty fun fight, but all things must go as has been foretold. So after being on the ropes for most of the conflict Soya turns everything around at the last second with a miracle uppercut against the Bunny-god armor. As Miu is falling back to Earth Ginko appears and grabs the stardust vial away from her. Apparently Ginko can just Mary Poppins herself to wherever she pleases? They all land and Ginko’s like “That’s all for today”, but Soya’s having none of it. He’s ready to take the fight to Bear-mech too when all the other Psycho-Pilots show up including CEO Dragonface to say “Checkmate”, and that’s where our story concludes for now.

Y’know I’m coming more and more around to the opinion that we should be routing for “Grand Paladin” here rather than the lady influencing Soya or the massive, faceless organization that wants to turn us all into Proles from 1984. I mean, yeah, they do have the snake-eyed dude. They meet in what appears to be some sort of board room, and the writing seems to indicate that they’re the “Antagonists” if not the villains, but so far they don’t seem to be anything but a collection of well-intentioned if somewhat zany people. Even the big CEO-type with the intimidating presence, as was discussed earlier, is a lovable and hammy goofball. 

I love any series that makes its antagonists human. Granted cartoonish villainy and even edgelordiness has its place in stories, but when you can make your antagonists and especially your villains feel human and relatable it just rings home that nobody is the villain in their own story. Everyone has reasons for what they do. They may not have excuses or justifications, but they all have reasons.

For instance, I have a reason for breaking my own rules here by reading my political views into the story.

[pauses for dramatic effect]

Yes, yes I’m sure you’re all very shocked at this revelation. I mean I was so subtle about it (/s). My reason is that when I went back and really thought about what the “Sealing” and “Pacifist” factions of Nebula stood for I (and this is really the nerd behind The Nerd speaking) couldn’t help but see parallels to some of the more distasteful extremes of Conservative and Liberal politics at work. Both sides seek to impose their morality upon others. While one does so by attempting to keep people complacent with the status quo, the other does it by appealing to the rebellious nature inherent in people and channeling it into “causes”.They use guilt and peer pressure to convince people that their way of thinking is correct and I absolutely cannot stand seeing it happen. Especially when they prey upon others using causes that need legitimate champions! 

The goals of the “Pacifist” faction are arguably “good”. They are part of a group that has watched humanity evolve and they only want the best for us. They “keep their involvement to a minimum”, but at the end of the day they’re doing the same thing that the “Sealing” faction is doing. They’re enforcing their own will on humanity by taking away humanity’s means to fight against them, or anyone for that matter.

In the anime this is likely because the “Pacifist” faction is short-sighted and hasn’t stopped to consider what will happen to humanity when they take away the only weapon they have against the “Sealing” faction, but in reality? In reality groups like the “Pacifist” Faction either are themselves or contain an element that wants the people they’re disarming to become reliant upon them for what they need. They take away that person’s own weapons and replace them with their own. They dictate the rules of battle and push you to come to them for aid and defense. They accrue personal power and influence at the cost of their followers’ freedom of thought.

These are important things to think about and be on the lookout for, and it’s an issue that is very prevalent in my own life and dealings online. So those are my reasons for why I read political allegory into the factions of Planet With. Now am I justified for doing this when I so often decry others for “reading shit that isn’t there into stories”? No, of course I’m not. Or rather I’m not justified using that argument against people who dropped a show as a result of what they read into it. 

I’m not going to lie. I’m inexperienced with expressing views on creative work online, and am overly sensitive to certain things. I’m just as flawed as anybody else. It’s hard for me to understand when people see “bullshit” in something that I didn’t see. It’s hard for me to accept some one calling a show (particularly one I like) “Garbage” when really it’s just not clicking with them. I know that I’ve been guilty of calling a show “Garbage” in my time, but it’s a term I hope to avoid moving forward. I want to live up to my professed belief that there is good to be found in all fiction, even the “bad” fiction. Part of that is accepting the responsibility I tell others they need to accept. To practice what I preach.

If I’m determined that the Audience has just as important a role in creating art as the Authors then I need to learn to accept the interpretations of my fellow audience members, and to feel free to express my own interpretations of things.

[stops to take a break and slide back into character]

Wow... That ended up being a lot heavier than I imagined. What a way to kick off the summer season! There’s more to come but for now I need a break, and the writer could probably use a nap.

Until next post keep talking fiction, friends! I’ll see you soon

[littlegiantposts]

pilot

kageyama x f!reader

may contain spoilers!

EDIT: HIIII SO UH THERES A “pilot ~revised~” ON MY PAGE SO I RECCOMENTD READING THAT ONE CUZ IT HAS MORE CONTENT 👍🏽

Here’s the link:

description: In which Y/n is a new addition to Karasuno’s Girl’s Volleyball Club 

THIS IS REALLY JUST LIKE...A TEST RUN..FOR THIS STORY CUZ I DONT THINK IM THAT GREAT AT WRITING and i feel like people wont really like it. so....yeah.

a/n: ok so, I’ve been thinking of this concept so much lately. It started off as just as a nice story to play in my head, but I really wanted to see if I could write it down. So, I felt like I haven’t really seen a lot of imagines or content on the girl’s volleyball club and I felt like it would be cool to explore that side. First things first, I am raised in California. Thus, I am quite incompetent in knowledge about Japan schooling. All my knowledge is really from me googling stuff and ofc, watching haikyuu. With that said, if I made a mistake on the take of Japan schooling, I do not mean to cause any offense. This is solely for entertainment purposes. With that said, I do not own the characters of haikyuu. However, there are some characters I made up with my own imagination. In addition, this is an “x reader” sort of story but I will be defining some of her characteristics so I am sorry if it hinders you from imagining its you. Finally, I am not that good at writing stories lol but im trying. I hope you enjoy.

I hate introductions. Y/n thought to herself as she sat back down in her seat after standing in front of the class, stating her name and her previous school. Her gaze shifted towards the window. The sun was out and shining and she had the perfect view of the gymnasium. Oh how she just wanted to get up from her uncomfy chair and leave the boring lecture and head towards the gym. 

It was the first day of school for Y/n at Karasuno High. It’s not like she started in the middle of the semester, no, she was just about a month late into the school year. With her work ethic, she didn’t feel any pressure in order to catch up with everyone else. She knew she would get it done.

It’s not really her fault she came a bit late into the school year either. Her dad’s job required a small move, not that she was complaining. She didn’t really feel tied down at her old high school because: she wasn’t there for that long and she didn’t really make any friends, despite joining a sport. 

It’s not that she didn’t want to make friends. It seems that her track record, or the lack thereof, from junior high with meeting new people has left an imprint on her.

Y/n looks down at the worksheet that was passed out in the beginning of class. The assignment was already completed due to Y/n’s eagerness to finish any homework that would take away time from her main passion.

Some people would say she was obsessed. Some would say dedicated. She simply sees volleyball as an opportunity. The class bell rings, signaling for lunch. Before she realizes it, she is walking towards the gym, in which she would meet the girl’s volleyball captain. As she is switching shoes, she can hear screaming from inside. 

“-What did I tell you about touching my onigiri! You are going to pay for that!” “I really didn’t mean it this time, I promise! I didn’t know it was yours!” The voices were muffled, yet she was still able to hear the sincerity in both of the voices. Y/n was about to open the gymnasium’s door when the door swung open by a tall pink-haired girl. She was being chased by another tall girl with long blonde hair, but she was a bit shorter than the pink one. Before Y/n could process stepping aside because it seemed the pink-haired girl had no inclination in stopping, she was tumbled to the ground by the girl who she can only guess took an onigiri without permission. As well, the blonde clumsily tripped and fell on top of the two.

“You idiots! Will you stop it! We already told you, we got a guest coming today and we want to make a good first impression!” A stern voice called out inside the gym.

“Um, Moa-san, I think our wishes are already soiled.” Another voice chimed in from the gym.

“Wha- You dumbasses! Hey, are you okay?” A girl with dirty blonde hair came out from the entrance and offered a hand towards Y/n as the two perpetrators started to get up with apologies towards Y/n. 

“Yeah, I am good.” Despite just being tackled to the ground, Y/n remains as neutral as ever. 

“Aren’t you going to ask if we are okay?” The energetic, pink haired spoke.

“As if I care when you collide into our guest! You really need to be more cautious, Etsuko!” She barked. “I am Aihara Moa. Pleasure to meet you. You’re the first year that turned that application past the deadline, right?” she states more calmly than her previous statement. 

“Pleasure is all mine. And, yes. Sorry for the inconvenience.” Y/n states with quite the unfazed face. 

Does this kid crack a smile once in a while? Moa asked in her mind. She seems quite different than the other first years we have. Her thoughts continue.

“I am Oba Yuma and this is Morita Etsuko.” Yuma, who had the pretty, long blonde hair, spoke with a warm smile.

“Why did you introduce me?! I wanted to have a cool introduction!” Etsuko huffed with a small pout. 

“Well, it’s not like you can recover your so-called ‘cool introduction’ from that full-body collision.” Yuma smoothly replied. Etsuko’s eyes widened and cheeks heated up as she couldn’t come up with a sly comeback to her logic. 

“You guys are just lucky that Rinko isn’t here to scold you.” Moa warned the 2 first years. With the mention of the scary third year that wasn’t even the captain, yet she reigned supreme in the disciplinary department, they shivered at the thought of the punishment. 

As Y/n stepped further into the big, bright court, she spotted that she could only assume was the captain as she looked so appalled at what happened. 

“Hello, you must be Michimiya Yui.” Y/n knew she had to say something to pull the worried captain from her thoughts. 

“Hi! Yes, that’s me! I am so sorry for those two. I would say they aren’t always like that, but I don’t want to lie to a potential teammate.” Yui spoke with an uneasy smile.

Yuma and Etsuko’s interests peaked when they heard “a potential teammate” come out of their captains' mouths. They were the only first years on the team, so the thought of another person in the same boat as them made them excited and wanted to join the conversation. The two first years gave each other a look and started to walk towards Yui and hopefully their new friend. However, before they could even be in ear-shot, the pair got pulled away by Sasaki Chizuru, another third year.

“Oh, no. Don’t think you will be bombarding her with questions right off the bat.” She bluntly states.

“Oh, c’mon Sasaki, aren’t you curious about her? Like how did she get into volleyball? Or even, is she a beginner? Or maybe she is an absolute monster who dominates the court!” Etsuko proclaimed as her mind went too fast for her mouth to follow.

“As of right now, it’s not our business. All we can do, and are allowed to do”, emphasizing the word ‘allowed’, “is to watch from the sidelines and quietly eat our lunches.” Chizuru instructed the first years and pointed at the far corner of the gym. 

Despite her own words, Chizuru couldn’t help but glance at Y/n and wonder the same things that the first year questioned. At face value, Y/n was quite the enigma. The 2 first years gave a pout, but headed towards their desired location.

“So, you came from Niiyama Girls' High? That’s a really good school for volleyball. What made you come to Karasuno?” Yui asked.

“It was the most ideal school in terms of my dad’s work location.” Y/n states plainly. She didn’t technically lie. Well, it was an ideal school in terms to the proximity to her new apartment, but that was not the only reason. She saw videos of their interhigh-prelims last year and to be quite frank, Y/n was not entirely impressed with the state of their team. However, she knew that this meant there was room to grow for them. She knew very well that she could have gone to Shiratorizawa and joined their girls’ volleyball club. Objectively, with her skill set, Shiratorizawa made sense. Nonetheless, Y/n didn’t know what compelled her to pick this one. She convinced herself it was because she is a sucker for rooting the underdog. 

Does this kid show any emotion? Yui thought in her mind. It’s like nothing affects her. Her thoughts continued.

“How long have you been playing volleyball?” Yui curiously asked.

“Since the 2nd grade.” Y/n quickly states. As much as she wasn’t showing it, she was just itching to show what she can do. The court was right there in front of her, after all.

“That’s impressive, alright, well if you’re comfortable with it, I’d love to see some serves and sets from you. After school, we can hold a three on three since we all aren’t really in the right clothes to play.” 

“Sounds good.” To say Y/n was excited would be an understatement. As she removed her cream sweater, she could feel a set of eyes burning a hole on her back. She turned around to put her sweater down and realized that she was wrong. It wasn’t one pair of eyes, it was all of them, curious to see how good she really is. She could feel her heart pounding at the thought of holding everyone’s attention. She knew if she let her mind continue, the nerves would get to her and hinder her performance. She took deep breaths and started to quietly humm a song that was previously playing on her phone from her morning ride to school. 

Yui passed a volleyball to her and ran to the other side of the net, and yelled, “Let’s see what ya got!”

Y/n carried herself behind the serve line, taking one deep breath to keep her hands from shaking. With that exhale, she opened her eyes and focused her sights on Yui. The captain wouldn’t admit it, but she could already feel herself sweating under the first year’s gaze.  

She looks so intimidating. I’m not even on the court, yet I’m scared. Yuma viewed Y/n’s determined look. For Y/n, it was as if everything crumbled away and the only thing remained was the court. She starts her run up.

A jump serve?! Yuma, Etsuko, and Chizuru incredulously thought simultaneously with eyes basically bugging out of their head. They watch in amazement as she jumps with severe height and reeled her arm back. After that, all that could be sensed was a loud snap and then the ball smacked the ground next to the wide-eyed captain. The impact from the ball gave a small breeze through Yui’s short hair. The deafening silence that followed her serve filled the room in an instant. Those watching from the sidelines had to pick up their jaws from the floor.

“She’s a first year?! Are you sure?!” Etsuko broke the silence with her curiosity getting the best of her. 

“Boke Etsuko! That was already clarified, don’t make her repeat herself!” Yuma scolded. While Yui read your capabilities on your application form, it was nothing like actually being on the receiving end in real time. 

“That’s quite a serve she got in her arsenal.” A voice startled the three high school students, sitting on the sidelines. Etsuko and Yuma were the most startled, but Chizuru was quite used to her fellow classmates popping in every now and then.

“Seriously, Sudou. We have to put a bell on you or something because I don’t think my heart can take any of your surprise entrances.” Sudou Rinko only slyly chuckles at Etsuko remark. She looks over at Y/n and Yui on the court.

“Did you guys see the precision on that serve?” Rinko posed to the other three sitting on the ground, munching on their lunch.

“Well, not really, but it landed, like, near Michimiya, right?” Etsuko tries to come up with the answer that Rinko was looking for. 

“It landed right next to her left foot. I think that pipsqueak is able to aim her serve.”

“What?! That’s insane.”

“Yeah, insane, but not impossible.”

“With her, maybe we can win more games!”

“Don’t get your hopes up, Etsuko, a team is only good if everyone is giving their all.” Yuma reminds. “After all, there’s not only one person on the court, there’s six.”

“I heard she came from Niiyama Girls' High” Sudou stated as she reverted her gaze back to her fellow teammates. They stared at her after she gave more information on the stranger in their gym. 

“Why would she come to Karasuno then?” Yuma asked honestly. She knew that her team had strengths, but she also knew that other teams had strengths that overpowered them.

“How could you diss your own school like that?” Etsuko was almost angry at how her teammate was treating their school. She always was the one to take pride in everything she does. 

“No, that’s a valid question. It makes sense that a player with her caliber would be well-suited in a powerhouse school.” Rinko supported Yuma in her question. All four look ahead and see that Y/n is beginning to set for Yui.

“Her precision and accuracy are so on point, it almost makes me sick.” Yuma commented on how your form for setting only held the necessities. Y/n stepped with purpose, and it showed as she passed a nice set for Yui, allowing her to have optimal choices in where she can place her spike.

so um, that’s really all i got haha I started this like yesterday instead of doing hw so yeah. Feedback and constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. So, did u like it? Did u hate it? Are u confused by it? lol yeah okie bye 

[jewrocker]

The Trump/Twitter Hypocrisy.  When Will It End?

Last week, the nice folks at Twitter permanently suspended my account - again.  For the fourth time.  The previous three times I was kicked off the site were for trolling upstanding patriots like Matt Gaetz, Mitch McConnell, and Lindsey Graham, respectively. 

The interesting thing re: this latest suspension, was not that I was kicked off again. By now, I’m used to seeing my account suspended on what seems like a monthly basis - as well as having to rebuild my followers from scratch.  Whatever.  However, the apparent reason for this latest suspension was for posting a satirical clip a few of us Resisters made of president pie hole opening fire on a group of holiday shoppers -- an obvious nod to his own statement of being able to get away with “shooting people on Fifth Ave.”  The caption read "Raise your hand if you think this will be the scene the day after he’s acquitted by the Senate." 

Interestingly enough, no sooner am I banished to the Phantom Zone, forever, the Trump campaign releases a video depicting the president as the mass-murdering 'Thanos' from the Avengers, showing the president waving his hand and eviscerating the entire Congressional Impeachment delegation.  

Did the folks at Twitter suspend his deplorable offspring for retweeting such blatant hate speech and for all-but-calling for the deaths of these elected officials?  Did they at least suspend the accounts of those running Trump’s campaign who created the ad and who thought it was a good idea to publicly advocate for the annihilation of his rivals?  Did they do this because, as our Commander-in-Chief, he -as well as the people around him - should be held to higher standards than your average Twitter user? Did they do anything at all?  How about the last video, in which the president’s featured as “The Kingsman”, assassinating church goers, including entire news organizations, as well as shooting president Obama in the face?  Did they do anything then?  #Crickets

Why not, you ask?  Ah, that's the big head scratcher, kids.  Maybe it’s because there’s a shitload of GOP/Trump-sympathizing interns working the servers who make it their mission to tilt the scales every chance they get?  (That would explain our on-again-off-again relationship).  Maybe it’s because the geeks at Headquarters were playing Xbox when the spot was posted and not paying attention?  Or, perhaps it’s because CEO Jack Dorsey found himself puckering up and kissing some bloated, orange ass in exchange for a few undisclosed favors in one of the happy couple’s recent White House meetings?  Maybe good ole Jack’s so guilt-ridden, he decided to relocate to Africa to avoid the media?  Who knows?  The only thing certain is there is an unequivocal double-standard when it comes to how Twitter polices Trump vs. the rest of us, i.e. it’s non-existent.

Why, since this incredibly unqualified lunatic took office, has Twitter not done a thing to try and curb his attacks on private citizens?  

Why haven’t they taken any action when the president of the Unites States uses members of Congress, the FBI (poor Lisa Page), career ambassadors, even dead Congressmen and Senators, as target practice?  

Why have they stood by and done nothing as the orange idiot calls for the “outing” of whistleblowers?  Why are they doing nothing now that he’s apparently followed through and leaked the Ukraine whistleblower’s name? Aside from being a crime, this makes Twitter accomplices in allowing this brave individual’s life, and possibly the lives of his/her family to be put in danger.  

If all this is not enough, does it get any more pathetic than the president of the United States using his favorite app to publicly shame a sixteen year-old girl because he’s jealous he didn’t win “Person of the Year”? Or because he was virtually ignored at Davos in favor of this brilliant and brave teenager? 

However, the Orange Emperor’s favorite Twitter past time seems to be publicly shaming/attacking Congressman Adam Schiff - be it using his bully pulpit to criticize his physical appearance in front of an arena full of hungry zombies, or going so far as calling for his head on a spike. 

There are so many things wrong with this mind-boggling ambivalence on the part of the world’s most popular communication tool, it’s beyond words.  Forget the fact that the president violates one of Twitter’s “Main Commandments” on an hourly basis.  That being: 

“You may not engage in the targeted harassment of someone, or incite other people to do so.”  

Seriously, Twitter?  You’re joking, right?  Take away every single tweet in which @RealdonaldTrump has either directly harassed, or called for the harassment/public shaming of one of his critics and/or opponents, and you’re left with about six on the economy.  Out of about twenty-five thousand.  If that’s not bias, I don’t know what is.  

Why hasn’t there been a single article or opinion piece in the last three awful years by an executive at Twitter Central who’s watched their application be used for the primary purpose of sowing chaos and discord amongst his/her fellow Americans and who had the balls to try and put a stop to it?  Where is the Twitter whistleblower?  Something is definitely rotten in Denmark.  

Legally speaking, at the moment, there doesn’t seem to be anything we can do.  I’ve had scores of friends who’ve had to deal with the two-faced, spineless, hypocritical policies of an entity that thrives on playing judge, jury and executioner towards its users for the most minor of infractions, who, like me, want to sue, and who are then told by an attorney that, because Twitter is not a state or federal agency, they are not bound by first amendment law.

This is a problem that needs fixing, asap.  After all, we, the users are the reason - the ONLY reason - Twitter is a multi-billion dollar company.  It would seem being allowed to operate, virtually unregulated (you listening Congress?), you’d think the Powers That Be would be forced to afford its users some sort of protection under the Constitution.  Especially if they define their main purpose as that of a tool for “Public Conversation.”

Should the biggest entity for conversation/communication/breaking news the world has ever seen be allowed to operate free of oversight?  To reap the financial/social rewards it gets by providing such a platform and, in turn, not be subjected to any rules, outside of the ones it provides for itself?  Seems a tad one-sided.  Especially since they’re now a publicly traded company. 

Additionally, Twitter’s entire “Appeal Process” is an absolute joke.  A pathetic sham that mocks the user in its apathetic taunt to offer a chance at redemption.  Be interesting to know how many users whose accounts have been suspended were reinstated on appeal.  I’d venture to say the number is zero to none, as you aren’t ever given the opportunity to communicate w/ a live human being, or to fully explain your situation/defense. 

Similar to Facebook’s M.O. of treating its users like batteries in The Matrix, sucking every bit of life they can get before flushing us into the void, Twitter provides one of the most pathetically inadequate support departments in the history of support departments.  They make the cable companies look like Trader Joe’s.   I’ve had my account suspended for stupid things like ‘wishing’ for Mitch McConnell’s untimely passing (please God, hurry).  However, there’s a big difference between wanting/wishing for something and threatening to do it, yourself.  With each one-sided suspension, Twitter is telling us they are the Thought Police. 

The real dangerous part about what’s happening is, once again, we have technology far eclipsing the pace of regulatory practices/congressional oversight.  As we speak, there’s absolutely nothing stopping the most powerful man on earth from using the power of his office, and the technology at his fingertips, to threaten, intimidate, harass, bully, and lie, round-the-clock, 24/7.  Not Congress, not The People, and, Lord knows, not Twitter, itself.  It may take generations to recover from such a traumatic, incessant, daily assault on our senses, on the Truth, and our world as a whole.  And, for providing our unhinged POTUS a soapbox free of consequences, Twitter’s role cannot be understated. 

Imagine, for a minute, how much better things would be if they actually held the president to the same standards as the rest of us?  Imagine if Trump’s Twitter account had been suspended for violating their terms early on? Even for a week.  Not only would it have made him think twice before he attacks another private citizen/company, or out a whistleblower, imagine what an amazing week that would’ve been?  Free of hate, free of malice and misleading proclamations and declarations being spewed out and blasted at us from the most powerful man on earth, every five minutes, like the spigot of a piping hot sprinkler of hate on a sweltering summer’s day?  One can dream.

Til then, perhaps a massive class action suit against Twitter by thousands of users who were suspended/kicked off/banned for the same things the president does on a daily basis would wake them and/or Congress up?  Even if it’s not winnable, watching their stock drop a dozen points due to such an egregious pr gaff would make any company rethink its relationship with its users, and the public.   Feel free to email me - David.Fagin@aolnews.com if you’re interested in joining the suit. When combined, we ‘snowflakes’ form an avalanche. 

Social media has become the primary way of communication for 99% of modern society - not to mention a trillion dollar behemoth that’s virtually unregulated.  It’s about time these Titans of Text were held accountable to their users, from whom, they generate one hundred percent of their value.  Til then, keep a look out for my fifth Twitter profile. #RESIST 

(UPDATE: 5/26/20 After nearly four years and twenty-thousand lies, it's good to see Twitter finally decided, to put a 'disclaimer' on ONE of orange idiot's ridiculous tweets and hold him to the same standards as the rest of us.  (wink). #Babysteps  

Twitter also suspended my account, yet again, this past weekend for comparing White House press sec and houseplant, Kayleigh McEnany to the cliche bimbo at the opening of a slasher movie.  The Thought Police claim, by saying an empty-headed bimbo who walks right into a machete has more credibility than McEnany, I’m “promoting violence.”  Also, trying to fill out the “Appeal Box”- which, as stated above, as all but useless, would be a bit more fair if you were given more than a twenty character limit to state your case.

But my main point above, re: in lieu of a class action, public pressure can force Twitter and/or Congress to do the right thing and apply their policies equally, no matter the individual’s status, was just proven to work.  In fact, IMO the leader of the free world should be held to a higher standards than the rest of us.  Nonetheless, Twitter finally bowed to pressure due to all of us screaming bloody murder.  Keep it up, folks.

[obviouslyelementary]

A punk and a chick

This is yet another one of my originals. I am filliing you guys up with my original stories today hahaha.

----------

           I know it must be weird, opening a book only to read something like a hate rant, but well... You chose to read this book, so I guess you don’t have the right to complain. Or maybe you do. Well, anyway, for those of you who were recommended this book, your friends are awesome. For you who got it because you liked the cover, you might be disappointed. For you who read the synopsis, I know it sounds cliché, and it is, but what can I do? I hope you like cliché.

             In any case, let me start saying that this is one of those stories about a long time past that either means everything to someone or they don’t even remember it enough to write a story about it. You do the math.

             And now, to the story.

             There is something I hate more than anything else, and that thing is people that talk about destiny. And you know why I hate them? Because in most of the cases, they are right. And it feels terrible, because it gives my life no meaning. If it was meant to be, then I shouldn’t even worry about it. But if I don’t worry about it, it is meant to be. You catch my thoughts? Good.

             There is another thing I hate. Days.

             No. Not normal days. I hate those days. The days where nothing particularly special happens and yet you have that gut feeling that something in that day will change your life forever and you can’t do anything to stop it because destiny.

             Yeah. I hate destiny, and I hate the days destiny puts out for us.

             But that is now that I am old and I understand the world a bit better. Back to when I was seventeen, in my last year of high school, I didn’t believe in destiny or in special days, and life was way simpler, and all coincidences were coincidences and nothing more.

             And it is in one of those special days that our story really begins, with a girl named Catharine (me) and a boy named Noah.

              I had been making my way down my street to my school, as usual. It was the first day of school, my last year in that place, and soon I would be out of that small town, shitty school and into the amazingly big and great world that waited for me.

           You see, at the time, I had nothing special about me, and I still don’t. I wasn’t different like the other girls in these types of stories. I was pretty damn common, with average grades in school, a lover for theater, music and playing piano, not tall or short, not fat or skinny, with brown eyes and brown hair and white skin, with parents that surely could pay whatever I wanted but didn’t have money to live in a mansion and travel every weekend, clothes that were good but weren’t very expensive, a good phone, a computer and nothing that said ‘that is what defines Catharine’.

             I was just me and I was not complaining. I loved everything I had and I cherished it all deeply, knowing that nothing came for free and never asking too much. I knew of all my privileges and I used them in favor of others.

             I wasn’t very social either, having five friends in total: Jonathan, my best friend who also happened to be gay and was still deeply inside the closet; Lindsey, one of the most popular girls in school that had no fear in being seen around me or our friends; Caleb, the jock, who loved sports, had a guaranteed sponsorship in five colleges and was a sweetheart; Victoria, the alternative girl that loved indie music and video games and usually smoke weed; and Thomas, the guy that did amazingly well in any subject, went to every party in our school and basically had kissed at least 80% of the entire facility. The six of us were inseparable, having become friends in the first year of high school and staying like that until our last year.

             There was also my boyfriend, who at the time was the captain of the soccer team. His name was Daniel, and he was... Well, a good boyfriend.

             I couldn’t complain at the time. He was perfect, or seemed perfect, and even though now I know a lot more, he was still a very good boyfriend. Better than many.

             I had met him in a party in the sophomore year, and he became Caleb’s friend right away so he could, quote on quote, “get closer to me and know me better”. Basically he found me hot at that party because I had made myself look hot at that party, and he wanted to talk to me and see if it was really... something.

             In the end, it took him six months, but I agreed to go out with him. He wasn’t really my type, too much into sports and a little bit of a jerk, like they all are, but he was nice to my friends, Caleb and he had hit it off right away, and he wasn’t too much or a jerk. Besides, he had given me roses for an entire month and it was adorable.

             So, at my first day of senior year, Daniel and I had been dating for over a year, and everything was going great.

             And that’s when everything really begun.

             As I told prior to all these presentations, I was walking to school in my first day. The school was all the way down my street, just in front of the town’s main street. And even though it was a small town, usually calm, there were a few creeps every now and then, and that day was no different.

             Usually I didn’t care about those guys, mostly because I always listened to music as I walked to school, so I didn’t hear their dirty comments. That day, however, not listening to them pissed them off.

             Normally I would just face to face with guys that pissed me off, but al of them were from the other school close to mine, they were three in total, and they were at least two years older than me. And I knew when to pull back from a bad fight.

             So when one of them tugged on my arm and pulled me to their direction, looking extremely angry, I did not react. I froze, staring at him with wide eyes while Glee played in my earphones.

             The guy holding me used his other hand to pull off my earphones and smirked, his two other friends coming from behind and looking over their shoulder at me.

             “Hey hot stuff. Are you finally using those ears of your to good use?” he asked, his eyes sparkling with malice, and I held myself back from rolling my eyes, the first shock gone. I didn’t have patience for people like those guys.

             “Yes. I am listening to Glee. Can I go? I will be late for class” I said, trying to sound as calm as possible. The three furrowed their eyebrows, clearly talking my calmness as some kind of disrespect. Typical.

             “Is that how you talk to guys who want a piece of that ass?” one of his friends tried, and I sighed deeply, shaking my head in disappointment. They couldn’t even make up good phrases.

             “Look, I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but I really need to go to class” I said, trying to maintain my chill, while I just wanted to spit in their faces and walk away. However, keeping myself calm just made the one holding my arm even angrier. And at that, he groaned and pushed me against the wall of he house next to us.

             And then, I was scared. Honestly scared. That was the first time some stupid boy had actually acted physically with me. My back wasn’t hurting, but my heart was beating fast and he was getting closer, and this time I really couldn’t move, his height finally making me feel vulnerable and useless.

             “Oh, where is your smart mouth now?” he asked, smirking, before putting one hand next to my face on the wall and leaning down, our noses almost touching. He smelled good for an asshole, but all I wanted was to throw up on his face.

             And then, I heard a slap and a gasp coming from one of his friends. The three boys turned around, and that was when I saw a fourth guy smirking, hands on his waist.

             “Well hello hotties. I know you’re all over that girl but maybe if you want a quick fuck, I am available” he said, shrugging, and I was too in shock to laugh at the faces of the three boys.

             “You hit my ass!” one of the three complained, seeming in a mixture of confusion and boiling anger. The fourth boy shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets.

             “Well yeah, guys who touch girls without consent should be touched without consent. That’s the drill” he said, his face suddenly getting very serious. “Leave her alone”

             “You leave us alone!” The boy that had been touched yelled, and the three ran forward to the fourth’s direction. Like a ninja, however, the boy moved to the side, and the three tripped on the sideway, falling onto the street face to face with the concrete. I watched everything in silence, and the boy walked in front of me while the three recovered.

             “Hey. Are you okay?” he asked, leaning on one foot while keeping his hands in his pockets. I looked at him for a few seconds before slowly nodding, feeling my heart calming down. He smiled, and nodded to me. “Wonderful. Name’s Noah. I’m new in town” he explained, nodding to the street, and I followed his head, nodding and starting to walk down the street again with him by my side.

             “Noah... Thank you” I said, still a bit shaken, but slowly coming back to normal. He chuckled, shaking his head and licking over his lip piercing.

             “Nah, no biggy. I just hate assholes, you know? Girls shouldn’t go through this type of shit” he said, and I nodded slowly, watching him closely. Leather jacket, ripped jeans, Mohawk hair, piercings. The guy was definition of bad boy, just without any visible tattoo. “Anyway. What’s your name?”

             “Catharine” I said, smiling a little at him. Now I was calmer, and for some reason, his presence wasn’t as disturbing as it should be. “Do you know where is your school? Want help getting there?”

             “Well, that would be nice” he said honestly, smirking at me in a not mean or sexual way. “If I’m not mistaken, my school’s name is Guilder’s High School, or something”

             “Oh yeah, you’re right” I said, smiling a bit more. “That’s my school. Right down the street. I will take you there”

             “Wonderful” he said, nodding and looking around the street. “Well, this city is really pretty. I love plants, and there are at least four trees each side of each block”

             “Yeah, it is very nice. You should wait to see how it looks in Spring time” I said, calling his attention. “All trees produce beautiful flowers. The streets get decorated in the most beautiful colors. The residents hate it, they say it makes the streets dirty, but I love it all.”

             “I like flowers. I think I will like it here” Noah said, and I nodded, holding my books closer to my chest.

             “You will love it here. You will see”

             He simply gave me a smile and a nod, before he went quiet, admiring the view.

[mrschimpf]

Longing with a Cherry Tomato on Top | Chapter Twenty-Six | In Your Sweet Embrace, All My Pain's Erased

Author: Nate Pairing: Paris/Rory, varying POVs, including Lorelai, Paris and Rory. Spoilers: Literally nothing is being spoiled here; right within the middle of season three and far away from canon. Rating: R (sexual situations, profanity, homophobia, and teasing of horrid New England stereotypes, along with stoners and The Man.)) Disclaimer: This is actually a big change of pace, because in this chapter we have a Judging Amy crossover; that show is the property of CBS Productions/Television Studios, 20th Century Fox Television, Amy Brenneman and Barbara Hall/Joseph Stern. As per usual (grudgingly considering what happened in A Year in the Life), Gilmore Girls is with Amy-Sherman Palladino/Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions, Hofflund Polone and Warner Bros. Television. All other products mentioned within are the property and trademarks of their respective owners, and no disrespect is meant or implied. Archiving: FF.net, AO3, aff.net and RalSt. Anywhere else, ask first. Summary: Sharon makes a desperate overture at trying to get Paris back, while Lorelai and Harold Gellar fight back as hard as they can to keep her in front of the best family law jurist in the state of Connecticut. Meanwhile, Paris and Rory deal with the possibility of being broken apart by the state, and try to fend off another attempt by Francie to take control of the student government. Finally, Paris finds out how Rory's sexuality was defined even earlier than she even fathomed. Author's Notes: Hello, reader! Remember when I promised in January of 2015 that you wouldn't wait long for a new chapter? Boy, I broke that promise, did I?! (He says this as you think 'get on with the story!' but it's been 2 ½ years...) Blame college (I've got one degree! But I'm going for another!) and the usual anxieties that come with it, along with health issues with my mother that threw our lives astray for nearly a year (she has recovered, thank goodness). But there was also personal anguish about how I wanted this chapter to be perfect. This is a big chapter in the story, a turning point. And bringing in a show I barely watched in Judging Amy for a natural crossover turned out to be more complicated than I thought, as I barely was able to watch an episode before my cable provider pulled the UP network for the damned Liquidation Channel, thus I had to hope I got Amy Brenneman's voice and mannerisms as Amy Gray right within the world of my story without much reference outside of random YouTube videos. UP came back later on, so I was assured I was fine, but I also wanted Paris and Rory as a couple to be believable, yet sexual in this chapter. I hope I got that balance right (and to a lesser extent, Jess as just a friend rather than romantic interest; I love Rory and Jess as friends together, along with Paris).. Also adding on other original characters and getting them into a room and making sure they all work out, it's an act to get their voices right (I'm especially proud of Elisa Keller here, along with Roland Hampton; for once I really don't have an archetype actor to help you picture them, so you can imagine your own). I can only hope they are. Then came the revival I mentioned above. Which crushed my heart and basically confirmed that ASP's ending for Rory was sadly no better than someone writingthat of a Rogan fan who writes 47 chapters of angst involving Rory abandoning all her views, hopes and dreams to follow Logan to the inane ends of the earth and a life as a society wife. Outside of my beloved Paris coming out unscathed and kickass (lalalalala what's this about Doyle and a divorce? I can't hear you!),, I hate what happened to Rory throughout. So my Rory is growing ever stronger within this narrative and I had to make sure that the Rory in this story won't end up that morose figure in the show's canon. It (and said angst-fests) discouraged me from writing for awhile, but I can't hold back any longer, and finished this chapter up; and the next chapter will not take two years to write. I promise you. Bug me on all my social media to finish if I get near that milestone, please. Hell, I'll even set a calendar event to torment me every four hours beginning in June 2019. Oh, and apparently there was an election last year and some megalomaniac with a terrible TV show and bad Twitter etiquette has access to the red button instead of the sane ex-First Lady, New York senator and Secretary of State. And he has a whole bunch of over-nationalistic people around him who hate public service, the LGBTQ+ community, health care for all, not being under Russian control, and the rule of law. Lovely, right? And here's my usual 'this is a femslash story and if you don't know that at all after 26 chapters where have you been? Go read some fanfic about Kirk Cameron or God is NOT Dead or something' disclaimer. This is coming out just in time to give my friend @ubiquitousmixie some reading on the plane to Europe, as an early birthday present. She's been an amazing kick-ass advocate, an incredible writer and a tireless confidant (along with Taylor, her wife), and I cannot wait to see her and T again in the next few months. I hope she enjoys this. Also this is dedicated to the ladies of the Worst Friends Forever podcast (@wffpodcast​); they probably wouldn't read this story, but they have a great weekly show and you should listen to it as soon as possible (they have awesome GG content, for instance, and really great looks at feminist and general topics). And to anyone else who has stuck around after so much of my undying writer's block; thank you for your incredible patience and loyalty. I enjoy writing this for fun and will not let you down. The chapter title was inspired by Sarah McLachlan's song "Train Wreck".

AO3 | FF.net

[perspectivewords]

When History Repeats.

There comes a time in everybody’s life where they realize that, no matter how far they have gone in life, no matter how much they have grown up and out of a phase, they will still come back to the drawing board. The one thing that helped them let it all go. That one escape, whether it was healthy or not, that will lure them back. It’s inevitable. For some it may be a relapse, and for others? Well… that may just be the one thing they should’ve never left in the first place.

What was mine? Simple. Words. Mine was words. Whether it was posts on Tumblr every now and then (or everyday), or opening my notebook to write down as many poems as it took to get things out of my system, I had the gift of words to come to my rescue. Unfortunately, that wasn’t my only escape, but let’s start from the beginning before we get into the now.

Middle school. It’s probably the most irrelevant phase in our life, right? I mean… elementary school was great because we had new friends, didn’t care about society and the pressures it hounded on us, nor how we looked or dressed. All we invested our time in was playing outside, riding our bikes, trading game cards, playing video games, eating Lunchables, and, most of all, recess. What was so complicated about elementary school? High school, that was a shit-show. Drama here, drama there. Breakups, makeups, fakeouts, fake friends. Some of the greatest memories and some of the worst. High school was just preparation for the real world and how it really is. And it’s true, even though you graduate high school, you never exactly get away from it.

But middle school… the awkward phase. The phase where you suddenly went from recess to being responsible for your own lockers. Going from class to class for each subject. It was different because not only were we transitioning from kids to teenagers, but we were going through big changes in our bodies. Thanks, puberty. Middle school, face it or not, was really a confusing stage, but not for me. Seventh grade was when I had felt my first heartbreak. I know, it was silly and it wasn’t even that serious. But to me it was, it was really serious. I never felt like this before. Liking someone so much and having it snatched away from me, watching them be someone else’s when I wanted them to be mine. It was really just one person, and the feelings for that one person lasted three years. I was twelve, how could a twelve year old feel so much for one guy? And for THAT long? But I did. I was that girl though. I was the girl who would be rejected all the time, nobody wanted me. Not as a friend not as their girl. No, I just wasn’t good enough. When I finally wanted to be that one girl for someone, I still wasn’t good enough. For three years I wasn’t. Sometimes I was. Sometimes I was the girl to love and adore, but that only lasted for a split second because as soon as I was able to digest it, it was gone. The cloth was ripped out from right under my and I would fall, hard.

I remember the first time I was heartbroken. It was May, 19th, 2006. I remember that because it was also the first time in two years I opened a notebook to write a poem. It was also the first time in two years I tried to commit suicide. “All for a GUY?” No. It wasn’t all for a guy. It wasn’t even because of the face that some guy broke my heart. It was because I wasn’t good enough. It was because I never felt like I was good enough, and this? This solidified it. So I picked up a pencil, opened a notebook and started writing. My first poem was complete. I put down the pencil and picked up a knife. I remember rocking back and forth in my chair figuring out if I should do it or not, but before I could question it any longer my body just did it. I did it. And that was the start of something lethal.

Till date, I’ve written more than a thousand poems. I remember carrying the notebooks around everywhere so that whenever I felt something I let it out on paper. That was healthy. So why the need to self-inflict? There are different reasons to why people do it. I had many too. There was a point in time (that came rather quickly), where the thought of dying scared me. I got nauseous from the thought of it, and I’d panic.  But I needed some type of pain. I needed to give myself some type of pain so that I could walk outside five minutes after and be okay. That’s exactly what I would do, and nobody would notice because I made it a point to never let anyone notice. Only I can remember what I went through. Nobody knows what it feels like so anyone who has ever yelled at me for it and called it stupid, to me, they’re ignorant.

I finally stopped hurting myself and writing poems. I think it happened simultaneously, and when that happened I found Tumblr. That’s what began another way of writing. Blogs after blogs after blogs about things that I couldn’t even explain, but it released everything for me. Listening to music and being able to put my thoughts down was my medicine. If you were to put my poetry and my blogs together, you could probably figure out the ups and downs I went through in life in an instant. My heart and soul went in those. Words were always something I was good at, and not those fancy big words. Nothing to show off vocabulary. No. Me, just who I really was and how I felt like expressing things that didn’t involve Times New Roman in font 12 and double spaced 5 pages. It was ridiculous to me.

I had stopped writing altogether after some time. Why? I don’t know. I guess there was a point where I didn’t feel like I needed to as much. I still did it occasionally, but only when I needed a release. When I had so many emotions that it was unfathomable, and, most of all, unbearable. This is why I am here today…

People look at me today as the girl who can have any guy she wants. The girl men fall for, whether it is the beauty or the personality. That’s just the opinion I guess. What do I think? I think it’s funny. When I was younger I had a need for attention from guys, and today? I ignore them as much as possible and I don’t even realize. So no. I don’t care for it actually. I think I have been through enough attention, in all forms, that I don’t look for it. I don’t need it. I don’t want it. But yes, I can definitely say that a lot of things have changed. I’m not the one to be pushed and shoved, I’m not the doormat, and I will certainly never let anyone come in my way. Love, well, it can consume me, but only so much. I’ll listen to my heart, but my mind is a lot more powerful. That’s the thing now, I know exactly what I want and exactly what I need. I know my worth. I know right from wrong, and I do what’s right over what I want.

But maybe that gets me into trouble.

My past two relationships have been ended by me. Naturally, I guess I was just the bad one in the relationship. Let’s be honest… who REALLY sympathizes with the one who dumped over the one who has been dumped? Apparently it’s easier to leave than to be left. But that’s not true, not even close. Actually it hurts to be the one to leave. It hurts to be the one who does the right thing and be ridiculed and tormented for being the bad one. The heartbreaker. I was the heartbreaker. But what about my heart? Nobody even CARED. Nobody cared about me. There were things I needed, things every person needs in their significant other. Somehow, those things were lost in the relationships I was invested in; to the point where it couldn’t recover no matter how many times we’ve tried. No matter how many time I have tried.

There’s just something about me. There’s something about females in general. Their love is different. It can’t even be defined similarly to a man’s love because a woman is aware of the word unconditional. You see, we stay. We stay and we fight, every second and every day. We don’t give up because relationships and love is NOT about giving up, it’s about fighting through a phase. It’s all just a phase. It can all be worked out. EXCEPT… when it can’t. That is when a woman leaves. The moment that she has done everything, and I mean EVERYTHING to save a relationship and nothing changes she will leave. Because you can take advantage of her, you can take her for granted, you can do it all, but when a woman has had enough nothing can bring her back. Absolutely nothing. Take it from me, I’ve been the woman. I still am that woman. And it’s the worst place to be.

Sometimes I wish that I could be the one that could change. People say it’s hard to change, but you know what’s even worse? Waiting for someone to change. It’s as if the moments are going by like hours. And hours? Let me not get to that. It’s torture only if the person doesn’t want to change, and in this case I’m pretty sure I’m at that breaking point again.

I ask myself why. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. Every second. Why am I going through this again? I don’t get it. Am I not meant to be with anyone? Is anyone ever going to be good enough? It’s not fair that I have to fall in love when I didn’t even want to and have to be in a position where I might have to leave him. I can’t do it. It drains me because I have tried everything humanly possible to make it okay, but somehow he will still make it seem like I have done nothing. Like I am not sufficient enough or i’m always complaining or something. It’s not fair because I love him more than I have ever loved anyone. He was the kind of guy I’d give up my career for, but he was also the kind of guy who would let me do it because he was selfish. He was the kind of guy that would love me every day, but then he turned into the man who loves me when it’s convenient to him. When he’s happy and when he has the money to. And if a man loves me like that, why should I love him any better?

But I did. I did because I gave him chances over and over again. Especially during the times he didn’t even deserve it. Which was a lot of times, but if I were to say that he’d fall into his own trap of wanting to always be the victim. Because he always does that. Always needs to have a fictitious problem about something when we have an issue. Always creating an emotional story for a reason I don’t know. He’s never responsive, he doesn’t care enough, he’s so superficial and I don’t know who he is anymore. I deleted the texts, I took off the ring, I changed my wallpaper on my phone, I don’t look at his social media, nothing. But once you have a deep cut in your heart it doesn’t go away. That’s what I have.

“Sometimes I was the girl to love and adore, but that only lasted for a split second because as soon as I was able to digest it, it was gone. The cloth was ripped out from right under my and I would fall, hard.”

The cloth has been ripped out from underneath me so many times, even when I trusted that it wouldn’t happen.

So no. I don’t forgive him and I never will. Nobody can talk me out of it, not in a million years because how he treated me nobody deserves to be treated.  I don’t trust him because, evidently, he lied. For his own convenience. He broke his words, shattered his promised. Does that promise ring even hold significance anymore? No. No it doesn’t. It’s tainted.

It’s his fault. It’s ALL his fault. I know that with full confidence because I did everything to understand, to make it better. There is nothing I didn’t do. But I know him. I know he’s going to give bullshit reasons to why he is the way he is, fabricate stories, tell people things that will make me look like the bitch and that I was wrong. Because at the end of it all he can’t say one thing, “I was wrong” and actually mean it and do something about it. He will never be the man to genuinely say sorry and admit the wrong that he did. Instead, I will be the bad one again. All over again.

How do I feel? I feel betrayed. Lost. Horrified. Scared. Angry. Confused. Tired. I don’t have the capacity to do this anymore. I want to scream. It isn’t worth it. I really hope he changes, but I don’t think he will. That’s why I’m trying to get used to myself being without him. There’s a point in this relationship that I realized that he is no longer equal to the priorities. He’s lost my trust, part of my respect, and a whole lot of my forgiveness. He’s not the man I fell in love with. He’s hardly a man.

Heartbreak. You still feel it no matter what side you’re on. I truly did hope I didn’t have to go through this again. Wow. I’ve never felt so much pain and felt nothing at the same time. It’s dangerous to feel like this, but then again it’s just when I feel. I don’t know what will happen. I think about it everyday and it doesn’t get out of my head, but I just have to remember this. I have already been through so much and I’ve come along way from it all. If I let this break me, I will never be okay again.

After all… he’s a guy. And I don’t let guys affect me, ever. Nobody has the right.

But then again…

I’m in love with him.

[heytaemin]

odds (except 61)

thank you!! :D 

1. Favorite colorteal! followed by purple and silver3. Eye colora light blueish/gray depending on the lighting 5. Age20 and turning the big 21 this year 7. Tattoos?i don’t have any, but i’d like to get quite a few9. Favorite scentthe woods, campfires, the smell after it rains 11. Favorite time of dayprobably mid-morning, like 10-11am, especially when it’s nice and sunny out. it just feels like there’s so much time left in the day for me to do things13. Siblingsi have a sister who’s a year older than me and like 5 inches shorter than me15. On a day like today you would...?try to get organized haha. i’ve been trying to prepare myself for packing and stuff really17. The last text message you sent/received‘i’ve never had one before and just got one for studying abroad but i am sure that i shall use it a lot haha’ to @daesungismyeverything in our thrilling conversation about portable power banks19. Pick one thing to your left, what does it mean to youi have a stuffed koala in a sweater that my best friend gave to me for valentine’s day in high school and i bring it to college with me to remind me of her21. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?earlier today when i telepathically confessed my love to taemin i think i told my best friend i loved her the other day probably23. Who is your best friend and how did you meetokay so i have like 6 best friends tbh i met my friend ali in 6th grade but we didn’t really become good friends until like 8th grade or soi met my friend shayla in 8th grade (we shared homeroom together) and we’ve been ride or die since theni met livi in ??? 6th grade?? probably tbh but we didn’t really talk until like 10th grade or senior year i met emily/liz/natalie in college and we became good friends towards the end of freshman year/beginning of sophomore yeari met krysta before freshmen orientation and she and i have also been ride or die since then. she is my fellow salty gemini i met chad my first semester but we didn’t start talking until the summer after freshmen year where we talked for like 8-10 hours a day every day and the rest is history and i love him lotsand i met allison through tumblr about a year or so ago 25. Do you get sick oftennot really! i got sick a lot freshman year but i’ve done better at not getting sick by constantly washing my hands after going anywhere, though i get really bad seasonal allergies so from like now until april i like can’t breathe27. When was the last time you saw your familylike 20 minutes ago for my parents and last weekend for my sister29. Do you believe in true lovehonestly i’m not really sure how a person defines true love, but i feel like there’s really no formula for love. the way i see it is the relationship you have with someone is unlike any relationship you have with anyone else, so people can have multiple types of love for multiple people. personally i have different loves for a lot of people. (i also feel like that doesn’t answer the question oops) 31. When was the last time you got hurttoday tbh but it wan’t intentional33. What was the last fight you had abouti think the last really big fight i had was with an ex-best friend about keeping things from each other35. Have you seen anyone diejust pets37. Would you skip the bad parts of your life to be successfuli feel like the success wouldn’t be as meaningful if i was able to get it without experiencing any hardships. everything that’s happened in my life, the good and the bad, has made me who i am and i think it’s helped shape my goals in how i want to be successful.39. Have you left behind/ were you left behind in a friendshiptbh i feel like i’m growing apart from a lot of my close friends at the moment41. Who would you want to meet again in your lifethere’s a couple of friends who i’ve grown apart from since high school and i think it would be nice to be able to reconnect, but i’m not sure our paths will 43. What is something you regret from your pasti feel like being in denial about my sexuality is something i regret45. What was your last dream abouti really don’t dream that much! and i honestly forget them even when they are vivid enough for me to remember so i have no idea47. Talk about your favorite family membermy aunt! she’s my dad’s younger sister and she’s super funny and sassy and i love spending time with her. i only get to see her like once every 5 years or so but she’s still my favorite and i look up to her a lot49. Have you ever tried to take away your problems instead of deal with themi feel like i’ve been criticized by some people about ending our friendships when they would prefer to work them out, but my general philosophy is that if a relationship is doing more harm than good, and has been for a while, then it’s best to end it. i know a lot of people don’t agree with it but i think life’s too short to really be stuck being unhappy51. Have you been in loveyeah, with the second girl i liked and things very much fell apart before they ever began haha. it was really hard for like a year after we stopped talking, but it’s been about 4 years now and i don’t have any hard feelings towards her53. Describe your first ____ (since there’s a blank i’m gonna fill it in with cat bc cats are the best)my first cat(s) were named nikita and ming and we had them from when i was born until about 8 or 9 for ming and like 11 or 12 for nikita. ming was a siamese cat and nikita was a tabby cat and he was super fat until we got my cat tibbs who’s still kickin’ it today because he’d always chase him around our house55. Have you ever had to recover after somethingnothing really in particular, no57. Top ten life valueskindness, honesty, compassion, empathy, wit, humor, peace, commitment, respect, believing in others and yourself59. When was the last time you smiled and the last time you criedmy friend and i were talking about his sort of boyfriend but not really and he said something about him and then changed the subject to ask how my cat was and i said ‘very smooth’ in response to his comment about his not really boyfriend but it was a big miscommunication and it sounded like i implied my cat was smooth which is a very strange adjective to refer to a cat as and it was funny; also i watched a sad video at like 2 this morning and it made me cry

THIS TOOK A WHILE OH MY GOODNESS

also the formatting is messed up but i cannot be bothered to fix it rip

thanks again for asking!!