#what the fuck like this book is way shorter than I originally thought

[yallemagne]

HOT HOT OOO WE GOT IT HOT HOT HEY WE GOT IT HOT HOT SAY WE GOT IT

IT'S DASIL CONFESSION.

How I love "oh come on Basil, that's not even a compliment!"

"It was a CONFESSION. I LOVE YOU."

"Thanks, I guess."

Dorian, I want to punt you out a window.

[jjungkookislife]

Flirt or Fight

pairing: best friend!namjoon x f. reader

genre: f2l, crack?, smut [18+]

summary: Namjoon gives you a lesson in flirting.

wc: 517

a/n: original

warnings: making out, erections, implied smut?, reader is shorter than joon

date: February 18, 2024

"What are you going to do about it?" you ask.

Namjoon knows he shouldn't laugh. He promised he wouldn't, swore on the "best friend" bible, which was an old journal you used to pass back and forth in high school.

"Are you flirting or starting a fight?" Namjoon asks seriously worried for you.

"Namjoon!" you stomp your foot. "That's supposed to be sexy."

Namjoon tries his best to muffle his laughter, but he can't. He grips his stomach as he laughs, ignoring the ache.

"Oooh, I hate you," you huff, as you playfully smack his arm. "You're supposed to be helping!"

"Babe, nothing can help that. Fuck you mean, 'What are you going to do about it?' Are you the Karate Kid or some shit?"

"Namjoon!" you shout.

"Look, you asked me for an honest opinion," Namjoon reminds you. "And you shouldn't have because that was atrocious. How do you even get dick like that? I'd run the opposite way."

"Namjoon!"

"Your shit is sour, baby." Namjoon shrugs.

"Then what do you recommend, oh-wise-one?"

"Actual flirting for starters?" Joon shakes his head as he rolls up the sleeves of his black turtle neck.

"Flirt with me then," you huff.

Namjoon chuckles. "You wouldn't be able to handle it."

"Try me," you goad.

Namjoon rolls his eyes. Why were you so stubborn? Shouldn't you have grown out of it by now?

Namjoon steps closer to you, smiling with his dimples on display. He notes the way you swallow thickly.

He doesn't need to say anything as he looks down at you. His smile disarms you, head empty as you look into his dark eyes, forgetting everything you've ever known about him.

"I-I" you're not sure what you're trying to say. You're imagining things you haven't thought of in years...

What if you took him to bed? What if you made him yours? Marked him as so?

Namjoon's powerful gaze sinks into your very bones. You blink owlishly, your tongue like lead as you try to speak but he's too ethereal for you to respond.

Two of his fingers grip your chin, making you look up at him.

"You wouldn't be able to handle me flirting with you," he states seriously. He licks his lips as he maintains eye contact and you feel your heartbeat between your legs. You refuse to look away from him, afraid to give in but also willing to.

Namjoon can read you like his favorite book. Perks of being your best friend for a decade.

You lock your gaze on him, ignoring the thundering in your chest as he leans forward. His eyes flit to your lips then your eyes. The ball's in your court.

You kiss him, throwing caution to the wind.

Namjoon responds immediately, pushing you against the wall. He doesn't even think of your failed attempt at flirting. All that matters is your lips moving in sync with his, your leg hooked on his hips as his erection presses against you.

"Joon," you moan.

"Can't wait to feel you wrapped around my cock, baby." Namjoon grins as you melt beneath him.

© jjungkookislife - I do not allow reposts or translations of my work on any platforms, this includes Youtube.

[alwaysxlarrie]

harry is louis’ baby fic rec masterlist part 2 :)

hi hello, so, i actually started putting together this masterlist at the end of april (since then, ‘ain’t that a kick in the head!’ has been deleted, which was on the original list. big rip) but then life just kept getting in the way. & i have like 57485 fic rec masterlists that i want to get out but i wanted to post this one first, so. here i am. i usually do 50 fics per rec list, but this is 25. so it seems i can do a (semi) shorter fic rec list. who would’ve thought? anyway, enjoy!!

a million roses (bathed in rock n’ roll) by deLILAh

i’d come across this fic a number of times before i actually read it because i don’t listen to lana del rey (thank you jennifer & @hlkings for showing me the wonders of her music) so i wasn’t sure if i’d be able to follow the storyline. but!!! worry not. that knowledge isn’t required. amazing strangers to lovers, good smut, 10/10 relationship development & individual character development 

and the truth shall set you free... by @jaerie / jaerie

jaerie knows i love this fic. my friends know i love this fic. i’m pretty sure most of the world’s population knows too. the relationship development in general & portrayal of inexperienced!harry/experienced!louis is top tier. it’s interesting reading harry going through his journey, in a generally pretty accurate way (from the perspective of someone who grew up religious), so i love that it’s in harry’s pov. i love how louis goes from teasing to soft to guiding so naturally, as well.

a rose, by any other name by @canonlarry / iwillpaintasongforlou

this fic portrays protective louis so well while harry’s still independent & in charge of his own autonomy. there’s some mentions of violence in this, just a disclaimer, but it’s veryyyyy minor! really good (dark) plot twist at the end too!

a cage for every ugly spirit by sarcasticfluentry

listennnnnnnnnnnnn. this fic??? & it’s sequel???? amazing. top tier. i just love how all the different elements of religion, kink, romance, smut, etc connect

be my little good luck charm by 100percentsassy

the flirting!!!!!! my heart!!!!!!!!!! i know larry hitting it off right away is a canon trope & all that but it’s not always easy to write in a way that doesn’t feel rushed & this fic depicts that perfectly. there’s so much wonderful humor, fluffy moments & lots of domesticness.

baby we could be enough (i’ll make this feel like home) by orphan account

i am an absolute sucker for fics where either harry or louis is a single father & the other one just swoops into their life & fits. & that’s exactly how this fic is. i’m not an angst person at all, but i also love how there’s realistic angst/concerns that a single parent would have about bringing another person into their lives. other than that bit, there’s still a whole lotta fluff !!

breathless for eternity by cabinbythesea

wow another fic where they’re strangers, hit it off immediately & have the cutest dynamic!! i’m a walking cliché atp but listen, although this is mostly pwp imo, the way louis picks up on harry’s mannerisms, what he needs as a sub, how to tease, etc is beautiful???? that takes talented writing!! we love to see it?? thank you for this???

boy for sale by @ohpleaselarry / ohpleaselarry

i mean, listen. do be mindful of the tags & what not, but. at the very core, harry is simply louis’ baby & you will not be convincing me otherwise. i would absolutely die for a prequel or a sequel. the undertones throughout this fic are *chef’s kiss*

baby thinking of you keeps me up all night by ballsdeepinjesus

i am nothing if not consistent with loving famous!louis/fanboy!harry fics, alright? you gotta give me that at least. the internal struggle louis goes through throughout the majority of this fic is so funny but also so real of him??? plus, we love thigh fucking here, so. a winner in my book!

do not falter (there’s a star ahead) by @londonfoginacup / ladylondonderry

all you need in life is harry feeling safe surrounded by louis’ scent. shit, me too, harold. there’s so much cuteness in such a short lil fic & altho it’s open ended, we all know they got together & lived happily ever after, thank you v much

gotta get (me) outta my head by @parmahamlarrie / parmahamlarrie

i have severe adult adhd & the way bee wrote this is phenomenal at making anyone who has adhd feel so seen & understood. i dream about writing my struggles w adhd as wonderfully as she did. & the way louis helps harry & is there for her in just the right ways so, so fantastically done. top tier fic for sure. 

heartbeat (fire on fire) by @larryficwriter / theifinlife

this fic was written for my @notjustsmutficfest & i adore it. louis being so vulnerable to comfort harry, louis’ family being so supportive, the check ins during the smut, the way harry makes sure louis is okay too??? I’M CRYING PEOPLE (also, there’s great smut, too)

i love this feeling (but i hate this part) by @lululawrence / lululawrence

i love the crack mixed with cute dynamic mixed with dealing with very real life situations. & the teasing at the end????? i cry!!! give this a read asap rocky

i’ll crash until you notice me by @aliensingucci / stylinsoncity

i love the pacing & how it brings in realistic elements of a boss/employee relationship while not taking out you out of the fic. top tier smut & dirty talk. the bar + bathroom scene??? that shit was art. also i love how much harry went to bat for the natives & kept coaxing louis to respect the culture of the buildings & all that. (like it’s the bare minimum really but i do like the fact that the fic went into that aspect & acknowledged it!)

late night talking by @kingsofeverything / kingsofeverything

this is simply just me continuing to not let lauren forget how much i love this fic. i could talk about this fic for hours & i’ve included this on a masterlist before but idc bc listen. the sneak dating?? the flirting?? the tension building?? there were a few plot points that kept me on my toes (everett, i’m looking at you & how long you managed to stick around for) & i respect that. i have so much more i could say about this fic but i’ll stop here so i don’t spoil anything lol.

my pleasure (to make you mine) by @zanniscaramouche / zanni_scaramouche

i don’t think i’ve let zanni have a moment of peace about this fic since i read it. for that, zanni, i’m sorry. but i’m also really, really not. the way their dynamic right off the bat is so seamless & louis does his best to make harry feel comfortable is what we in the industry like to call cinema. prior to this fic i didn’t really care one way or the other about nipple play in fics & now i don’t understand why it doesn’t occur more in fics?? zanni, you’ve changed me as a woman thx bb

meow or never by velvetnoodle

as a cat lover who has attempted to discreetly bring cats home before & a louis lover, i understand harry’s dilemma. i would also do exactly what he did if given louis’ offer. i will leave it at that & will let you bask in the magic that is this fic.

no bunny but you by @crinkle-eyed-boo / crinkle-eyed-boo

this is another fic i will simply never shut up about. louis is smooth as shit??? like. i WISH a guy would do for me what he did for harry in this. there’s just so much to adore in this from the flirting, the teasing, the relationship developments, the softness, all the little plot twists. 10/10, top tier, no notes

promise not to fade away by @nobodymoves / you_explode

i adore the way this toed the line of angst & fluff so well. it’s so sweet & cute & hot & has an open/ambiguous ending that still gives you a sense of closure imo. as someone who typically is not an open/ambiguous ending fic fan, i absolutely endorse this fic. 

stood up by panda_bear21

the pop punk!louis/popstar!harry (or the bad boy!louis/good boy!harry) trope will always give me the will to live. i love this fic bc it’s cute & does sexual tension well & while it does bring up closeting & general hollywood shittiness, it does a good job of making you feel like it’s not the actual focus of the plot & still leaves you with some hope, if that makes sense & i appreciate that v much

three french hems by 100percentsassy & gloria_andrews

idk if it’s because i started reading fan fics on wattpad (i mean, really my journey started w fanfiction.net & the fics that had the actual fic in the youtube description box & the video was a slideshow of pics but i digress) but i have a soft spot for smaus. & they can be....tricky (the wattpad homies know) but this is done so well & i need someone to get louis some perfectly cooked prawns pls!!!! also louis having a thing for harry’s thighs rly makes this baby a winner imo

to be a better man by @thedevilinmybrain / devilinmybrain

i have a weak spot for fics where harry or louis cheat on their significant other w each other. it’s my guilty pleasure. sue me. jen is so good at describing feelings, actions, etc to make you feel like you’re in the fic watching it happen. i adore the changes in larry’s dynamic, how smoothly it all happened, how much louis cared & understood exactly what harry needed, how easily harry gave in &let louis take care of him. i would absolutely read a part 2 of this w harry & louis together

wrapped in light, in life, in love by orphan account

i will never not be obsessed w fics that have the louis is gemma’s best friend & harry’s in love w him trope. that mixed w how easily & instantaneously harry & louis get along even after not seeing each other for years? add a dash of harry having louis’ baby & how obvious they are about their feelings for each other? GIMME

when we were young by @allwaswell16 / allwaswell16

ok so this is a series, not a fic B U T i feel like  you can read the fics stand alone & you can feel the vibe from each fic, but i think since they both have the ~vibe~ you just feel it all so much more when you read them together. ANYWAY. they’re so obviously smitten w each other & of course everyone else can see it but them. harry is an oblivious shit but we love him (&so does louis).

you took my heart by surprise by @loveislarryislove / livelaughlovelarry

it takes a while for harry & louis to warm up to each other, but once they do, it is just...so, so good. annika’s writing will make you feel like you’re actually experiencing the same emotions as the characters are. louis’ protectiveness & how adamant he is to not let anything get in the way of protecting harry, including himself is so heartbreakingly sweet. i cry. i adore how annika describes the emotionally conflicting emotions & situations while keeping the undertone of how much they care about & want each other. annika does not play when it comes to angst & that is a warning (although this is def not her most angst-filled fic by any means)

your heart can love again by sloganeer

this fic speaks to the famous!louis/fanboy!harry stan in me. a shocker, truly, i know! it’s so cute. i love how their relationships transitions in a way that’s quick but doesn’t feel forced & just makes sense -- the way they get domestic so quickly is simply *chefs kiss*

**friendly reminder to please leave kudos & comments on any of the fics you end up reading from this !! show the writers some love :)**

[fandomfluffandfuck]

I've always had a thought of Pornstar au with Stucky but I never have enough time to write one, mainly bcs the words won't come out and i fucking hate myself sooooooo

I'll just punch my idea here for you bcs so suddenly, I can't stop thinking of Pornstar!Seb HAHAHAHA but I'll stick with my original idea of STUCKY instead of Evanstan although I do love those two idiots AHJSSJJE

Right uhm, anyways, this prompt started off with well, porn, obviously bcs I'm a budding artist who wants to practice nsfw stuff (ehem😌😌) and the first place I went to for pose references were Porn sites

I was hit with sudden inspiration out of nowhere when I got reminded that Steve was a fucking artist SJIDHEIJEUR my mind is then consumed by the idea of one Steve Rogers, scrolling through a porn site looking for pose references when he stumbles into a single account

It's nothing special to be honest but what catches his eye is the full sleeve tattoo on the stars left arm. Curious, Steve checks the account out and discovers Winter_Soldier who's got quite the following. Steve is immediately enthralled at the sight of the man and his silky brown hair, the only thing visible about his face being his bright steel blue eyes. Winter is thicc, chest big enough you could fuck a dick between it and a pair of thighs Steve's sure enough could crush a water melonn NGHHHH don't even get Steve started with his dick, a pretty thing thats anything but little

Bucky might like to bottom but he could fuck if he wants, those sessions where he'd bring another pornstar over for a joint video and he'd practically fuck them to the mattress. Steve salivates at the thought of getting bedded by Bucky, brain just gone at the idea of having Bucky spread on his bed for him to take or of Bucky between his legs, ready to fuck him stupid

He's so adventurous too, his videos containing multiple angles of him fucking his thick ass onto an equally thick dildo, voice slightly muffled from behind the mask but still loud enough that Steve could pick up his mewling ramblings. Winter has a seductive voice that melts to a whine whenever he's got something in him and What's supposed to be Steve looking for pose references and practicing his anatomy's ends up with him furiously jerking off to this gorgeous man

Steve has never seen someone so enticing before, the way Winters body would curve and bend, slick hole making way for the thick dildos he liked to shove in. He fucks and liked to talk, his god given voice rumbly as he spoke to his audiences, taking requests or just simply dirty talking GOOD LORD AJDHWJRHRJJEEJ Steve can't take his eyes off the monitor and his hand off his dick, eyes always coming back to the intricate robot like design of Winters left arm

Somehow, Steve manages to finish his practice but not before he nearly bled himself dry with how much he jerked off. His sketch book suddenly filled with a brown haired masked pornstar. Some hour later, he stumbles out of his room and into the shared kitchen of the dorm he's renting. He nearly trips when he finds his roommate James cooking some dinner

He's been rooming with James for nearly a year now but they're not really close (yet). In Steve's opinion, he's too pretty for his own good and Steve can never talk straight or properly whenever James is the one he's conversing with. James is very sweet though (he told Steve he could call him Bucky bcs that's what his friends call him), voice soft and always drowning in the oversized hoodie he favours. He's not small by any means, with a wider set of shoulder than Steve but he's definitely shorter by a couple of inches.

Steve's always ogling at Bucky whenever he could and he always thinks that his hair is pretty but a detail catches Steve's eyes with how he tied his hair in a messy bun as he cooked. It looked similar with... Steve freezes on the spot, staring at Bucky like an idiot. There's no way right?? It must be just a coincidence!!

Instinctively, Steve's gaze falls onto Bucky's left arm, covered with the long sleeves of his hoodie. Steve has never seen Bucky with his clothing off or just a simple sleeveless outfit and Winter did have a few tattoos, the most prominent one was the full sleeve on his left arm... Steve shakes himself. His roommate can't be the pornstar he's suddenly addicted to, that's just rude to assume

When Bucky calls him to share the dinner, steel blue eyes curved in a somewhat familiar smile, Steve's throat dries and he doesn't know if he hates or loves the possibility of his absurd idea

In the end though, it's not him who makes the official discovery. Instead, it's Bucky who makes the reveal when he finds one of Steve's sketchbook laying around, filled with sketches and practice of a familiar brown haired star in different positions and angles

Steve's all bashful at being caught with his 18+ content and Bucky practically drills his new obsession out of him with a glint in his eyes. When Steve confesses the fact that he's been having fantasies about Winter and woke up every morning with a boner, religiously coming to check Winters account for updates or live sessions, Bucky practically grins like the cat who got the cream, the shy facade giving away to Steve's dirtiest dream

"So you like my voice huh?" Bucky murmurs where he's coiled like a snake on the couch, his eyes going lidded as his voice dropped a few octaves. Steve is frozen at the other end of the couch, surprise and something else shimmering in his guts

"Tell me, Steve.. Do you keep coming back to my account because I provide you with good practice material or is it because I turn you on?" Bucky practically purred, uncoiling and starting to crawl his way to Steve. Considering that their couch isn't that big and neither of them are small, Steve suddenly has his dreams on his lap

"I just needed practice," he weakly says and Bucky's lips curve into a smirk that would follow Steve to his dreams, face finally full with his bright eyes. Ever so slowly, Bucky leans until he's got his lips straight to Steve's ear, squirming on his laps and arms around his neck

"I could give you a live modelling session," he whispers, breath hot against Steve's flushed skin. He shivers and Bucky's next words makes his hand come up to Bucky's waist to squeeze tightly.

"And if you want a live demonstration with yourself included.. well, I can give you that too."

AHAHAHAH I don't know what to do with this prompt but plssss it's been haunting me (HAH), anyways, tis just a tease but they basically fuck (obviously 🙄🙄) and we can have the dynamic of Bucky happily expanding Steves sexual experiences and Steve happily allowing Bucky to expand his sexual experiences SKWJJEJEJE

-🫠🫠

related to this

I feel that, words are hard, but don't downplay what you have because what you have FUCKS!!

Also, I love that. Sometimes you gotta go to the source for references 👀 I get it. That is SUCH a great idea, though! I fuck with that so hard! Artist!Steve looking for inspiration and stumbling onto pornstar Bucky... 😮‍💨😮‍💨

And pornstar Bucky, who's thick with INK?

Kill me. Oh, wait, you already have!

Jesusss.

He's a switch, too? I'm salivating. The mask?? The whimpering? I'm being murdered! 😫 WOOF he does sound so damn enticing. Fuck.

THE PLOT THICKENS!

Roommates??

I do not have words. Brain scrambled. Useless. I am fucking obsessed with the idea of Steve going from avid consumer of Bucky's pornography to being a part of it. Living his fantasy. Actually.

Yes!! I would love to see this written because imagine all the shit they could get into! All the kinks they could explore (especially exhibitionism, getting off to being watched). All the toys that I'm sure Bucky has. Expanding on how it comes out, too, would be so good. Draw it out. Build it up. Does Steve catch him shooting porn when he's supposed to be out? Is it not confirmed like that? When does Steve see him without long-sleeves on for the first time? Is it in private? Is it in public, and he has to act normal? Does Bucky make Steve stutter through it and ask himself if he does porn, by chance, or does Bucky easily handle it, grinning and nonchalantly confirming it? Plus, building up to Steve's first time on camera would be killer. His nerves and excitement and then his embarrassment when he gets on camera and he's so revved up that he cums so fast.

God.

You could go so many ways!

Either way, written or not, this AU is going to live rent-free in my head because 🤌🏻yes🤌🏻

Imagine all the "roommate walked in on me" fantasy porn they could shoot 😮‍💨😮‍💨

[emiplayzmc]

Shitty Gravity Falls AU that mayhaps I am delulu about:

Gravity Falls x Jekyll & Hyde

I haven't much fleshed this out yet because this was literally just made up while reading Journal 3 and listening to the J&H musical OST, but what I'm MAINLY thinking about is like- 'what if Sock Opera was Jekyll and Hyde. Would that be fucked up or what.'

♤~~♡~~♤

It's the 1800s, and Dipper and Mabel are staying with their great uncle Stanley Pines, who's been living in the house that his brother, Stanford, lived in before mysteriously disappearing. In this AU Mason and Mabel would probably be moreso in their late teens / young adulthood

Dipper (more likely to be known as just Mason in this AU rather than a nickname) would be a man of science and logically much like Ford in this universe, but also still the mystery-loving Dipper we know and love :) He and Mabel would get it in their heads that they could find out what happened to Stanford, and they go snooping around looking for the clues as to how and where he disappeared to, breaking into an old, locked study of the house. Everything is messed up or destroyed except for many strewn about notes on the desk, and one vial of a mysterious liquid in a cabinet, surrounded by other smashed bottles of the same substance. They read the notes that Ford made about a substance he concocted that allowed him to give into his darker impulses, and soon after the two of them hurry to leave the room with the notes intending on keeping the fact they were snooping a secret - although not before Mason spots the bottle of potion.

The notes about the potion and Ford's experiences with the duality essentially act like a Journal 3 for Mason here, except much shorter and less otherworldly. Eventually Mason's morbid curiosity of the vial and Stanford's notes lead him to sneaking into the study again, and he drinks the vial in the cabinet.

Cue the arrival of Hyde - or in this AU, Bill Cipher / Bipper - causing mischief and hijinks across London and within the Pines family. And eventually, just like the original book (and like with Ford and Bill in the show), Mason gradually starts losing more and more of himself to the addiction of the potion / becoming Bipper while finding more notes and pages about how Stanford felt like he was losing his mind when the darker version of him took over, feeling like it was moreso a demon possessing him than an act of science in the end.

Mabel and Grunkle Stan would probably be the Utterson and Lanyon in this universe, trying to figure out why Dipper keeps disappearing / acting like a completely different person more and more often, and eventually having to find a way to save him before he meets the same fate as Stanford, or the original Jekyll & Hyde.

♤~~♡~~♤

Aka, Ford's the OG Jekyll in this AU and Dipper unknowingly follows in his footsteps lol. Again, I haven't fleshed much of this out, but I've always thought about 'what if Dipper and Bipper were Jekyll & Hyde parallels' but never really gave it too much thought? It seems like it'd be an interesting AU to explore mainly because I love the themes of goth literature, and I think the potential of Bipper / Bill's influence with Ford / Dipper goes SO WELL in this universe with the 'darker impulses' and the inherent HUNGER the two of them have for knowledge and the unknown that Bill manipulates in the first place, same as Jekyll being driven by his own impulses of needing to act out instead of being a prim Victorian man 24/7 paired with being a man of science.

[aeithalian]

……you MUST know I want your director’s cut thoughts on a shard or two lol xoxo MJ/kiwiana-writes (my kingdom for asks from sideblogs)

OOOOH hehe hello MJ i keep seeing you pop up reccing a shard or two and just know that every time i see it, i send up a little prayer that your pillows are cold on both sides.

ANYWAYS (most of my followers on this blog aren't RWRB fans but who cares) a shard or two is definitely a weird fever dream of a fic. I read the entire book in like 24 hours (this was just before the movie came out, so less than a year ago) and I, having a strange interest in politics, was like 'hmm, you know what? not enough politics'. So now we have a shard or two. I've always had a interest in politics and I always felt weird about being that person who has a strange in-depth knowledge about the US government, but I think writing the fic helped me think about politics in less of a pessimistic way, like 'here's what I would want to see in modern-day politics'. It also kind of raises the philosophical question of how good people function in a corrupt system without being corrupted themselves, and Alex is such an interesting character to play with on that front because I view him as so idealistic that he refuses to be corrupted purely out of spite and stubbornness.

So, that's how it got started, I think. I told myself I wasn't going to start another WIP while I have one going for a different fandom, but here we are. I originally intended for it to be way shorter than it was (here I was thinking last October that 20k was an insane length for chapter 1, and then chapter 3 ended up being 100k all put together), but it's been such a fun passion project and a real stress-reliever for some reason, and a great way to develop my writing. Somebody in the comments asked me if I write professionally (I do not, and I likely never will, but I appreciate the sentiment).

As for director's commentary, I'm just spitballing here but I have so much fun stuff to share so here ya go.

I know there's this whole debate in the fandom about whether or not Alex goes into politics post-canon, like either go into local politics or start his own firm or whatever, and I generally don't see a lot of people saying that he would go into upper-level politics like he does in the fic. Very rarely do I see any post-canon fics that delve into what Alex's future career might look like if he ran for any office, so I kind of just did it myself, as one does. I do remember seeing CMQ say on their Instagram that Alex wouldn't run for president, but he might run for governor of Texas, but I kind of pulled a Harry Potter fandom and ignored the author (sorry not sorry), but I did make a reference to it early on in chapter 3 for anybody who's looking for any easter eggs). Regardless, it's very fun writing a Gen Z politician who gives no fucks (Alex is Gen Z, I'm taking no critiques on this). I'm so excited for people my age to start running for office. We're going to kill it, I feel it in my bones (you won't catch me up there, but maybe in some health policy behind-the-scenes work, who knows).

The names for the characters were a ton of fun to come up with, and I tweaked them all the time, but here are some tidbits behind some of them:

Edward McKinney's (opposed the amendment in chapter 2 and was Alex's opponent for the Democratic nomination in chapter 3) last name is a play on William McKinley (the 25th US president) to kind of bring this mindset to the table that McKinney is exactly who your stereotypical politician is who would run for president.

Pinkley's name is also a reference to Charles Pinckney, who ran for president in 1804 and 1808 as a Federalist. For no particular reason. I was just having fun with it.

Treacher's name actually comes from the word 'treacherous' because I originally intended for him to be way more of a villain than he ended up being, because I thought it would be interesting to have a political opponent who isn't necessarily an enemy.

Aksel Wolter's (the guy who overthrew my man Onderburg for the Baltonian presidency) name was originally going to be Signe Wolter, but then I saw a cool TikTok that compared some enemies throughout history and saw how similar their names were (George Washington & King George, Jesus & Judas, Obama & Osama, etc.) so I thought it would be cool to have an Alex and an Axel, but the spelling was too similar so that's how we ended up with Aksel because that's also a way it's spelled in northern Europe.

Erik Onderburg's (you know who he is, RIP 😈) original name was Henrik, and that got all the way into the published version of chapter 2 (he's mentioned towards the end), and then when I was writing the first scene of chapter 3 and realized that Henrik and Henry were way too similar, I had to change it.

Ellie (full name Elena) is named after Ellen, with a bit of a Hispanic twist. I think Alex and Henry's deal was if they had a girl, they'd name her after Ellen, and if they had a boy, they'd name him after Arthur. I like to think the middle name would have been Orion either way.

Hunter Weaver (the in-universe replacement of Anderson Cooper) has nothing to do with WASPY Hunter. That was a total coincidence and completely unintentional. But, hey, if you want to believe they're the same person, go for it.

All the research in there is legit! Wikipedia has been a fucking godsend for election results and facts about government structures outside of the US, but it kind of sucks trying to relay stuff into two decades in the future. You never know what kinds of issues are going to be important in 20 years, so I actually kind of avoided that problem by just relating it to some of our current issues today: queer rights, specifically in trans communities, election fraud, 3rd party candidates, human rights issues (ikyk) and so on. And the makeup of NATO, the UN, G20, etc. haven't changed because I can't see into the future.

I also had to do a surprising amount of math? Trying to figure out dates and stuff was way more difficult than I anticipated, especially for election results and percentages, but I realized I really don't need to pull out my TI-84 calculator for a fucking fanfic, but I'm also terrified of the prospect that somebody will correct me on any of my math or research so the calculator stays. It makes for some funny moments, though, like when I realized that if Alex actually ran in the 2040, he would really have Teddy Roosevelt beat for the post of 'youngest president' by, no joke, 3 weeks. So that's kind of fun (and how I firmly decided to have that be the timeline of things).

I write most of the speeches the characters give myself, but I use chat gpt to get me started sometimes (the product is always pretty bland, so it's really just a reference for structure), but I use real-life speeches for reference too. For example (and a bit of a sneak peek), in chapter 4, Alex is giving a speech to the UN General Assembly, and I lifted a couple phrases directly from one of Obama's speeches.

Writing this fic on google docs was a terrible decision. When i was writing chapter 3, the entire word count was well over 160k and the software was getting so laggy every time I needed to control f something for reference. So chapter 4 and beyond is currently being written in a new google doc. Speaking of which, having to switch all my formatting over onto ao3 with chapters this long is a pain in the ass. 0/10 do not recommend having to go through each chapter and fix the formatting every time just because I wanted to have fun little article inserts.

I was going to make it smutty and then i chickened out. i deeply apologize for my cowardice (i've never done smut before).

I guess if you want a couple sneak peeks for chapter 4, I can do that too 😜

If this next chapter had a motto, it would be "every president has their tragedy". Yes, that should probably scare you. (honestly, I'm a little nervous to write it too, just because I know it's pretty dark but hey, if Disney can show Mulan killing 2,000 Huns in an animated children's movie, then I can tag this as mature and not be worried about traumatizing people, okay?)

If it had a theme song, it might be 'Fourth of July' by Sufjan Stevens or 'Abstract (Psychopomp)' by Hozier. (Don't be scared, you'll be fine, because if the chapter after that had a theme song, it would be 'Dog Days are Over' by Florence and the Machine)

So, all the chapters are titled with 5 stages of career development (completely arbitrary, I worked off Indeed's for a while and then I said 'fuck it'). Stage 1 was Establishment, stage 2 was Maintenance, stage 3 (spanning ch. 3 and 4 on ao3) was Advancement. So stage 4 (ch. 5 on ao3) will be Obstruction, so take that how you will. But stage 5 (ch. 6 on ao3) will be Resolution, so that should make you feel better. They're sister chapters, so although the conflict itself is resolved in chapter 4, the lasting changes and long-term effects of that conflict will be mostly featured in chapter 5 (which, honestly, is the one I'm most excited to write because I feel like it's that moment when Alex really grows into himself).

And a little fun knowledge just for you: there's actually going to be a stage 6 (ch. 7, on ao3). I was going to surprise readers by adding on a chapter after I publish stage 5 with a 'psych! you thought this was over, suckers'. Stage 6 is titled 'Reflection', so I'm planning for it to be about how Alex leaves office dealing with the idea of his own legacy and accomplishments (but as I teased in Stage 3, he won't actually be 'done').

I think that's all I've got in me. Chapter 4 is in the works, but it's taking way longer than I'd like (I've only just started part 1 😬) since I started a new job that's kind of sucking the life out of me. I'm very excited to share it, though! I'll be sad when it's over (maybe I'll do a missing moments oneshot series after, who knows).

director's cut ask game

[ilovewhiteroses]

Teasing You (part of "Workplace Affair")

Pairing: The Corinthian x Librarian of The Dreaming Reader Genre: Smut (although there’s no explicit sex), humour Warnings: references to sex, some curse words Rating: +18 Notes: - In the original ’Workplace Affair’ series, Reader was written as Female, but I wanted to write this story as Gender Neutral, so everyone could enjoy it 💕 - This one is shorter than my usual fanfics, but I hope you will like it

You and The Corinthian spice up your already exciting love life...

You and Corinthian have been together for a while. You often slept at his place and at work, when he dropped in sometimes, you tried to make time for each other. Lucienne and Merv soon accepted you together and after some time, Morpheus also managed to accept the fact that you are a couple. In your relationship, Corinthian was the dominant one, which you didn't mind at all, but sometimes you also liked to take control, especially in the bedroom. One night you decided that the next day, when he visits you in the library, you are going to tease him. Considering that Corinthian is very sex positive and often thinks with his dick, you wondered how long he would be able to hold back…

In the morning you got up a little earlier than usual so you could leave before Corinthian gets up. An hour later he also woke up and was a little scared when he found your place empty, but when he saw a note with the inscription "I left earlier", he calmed down. He went down to the living room and noticed a paper folded in half on the coffee table. He picked it up and read it.

"Have a nice day honey! I can't wait to feel you inside me again..."

"Baby, my dick is already hard, what will happen to me later?" he said to himself, reading your sexy message. He sighed contentedly, then went to get ready for work.

 It was finally time for the coffee break you've been waiting for since morning. You walked into the cafeteria and saw the nightmare having a conversation with Merv. You went to the coffee machine to make yourself a drink while waiting for the janitor to leave. When Merv left, you and Corinthian were finally alone. He walked over to you and pulled you close with a firm movement.

"Come here, you naughty librarian!"

He wanted to kiss you, but you didn't let him and escaped from the grip of his arms. You took a few steps back and started to move your body in front of him, then you went back to him, but this time you turned away and started rubbing your bottom against his crotch. You heard Corinthian purring in satisfaction like a big cat while placing his hands on your hips.

"Uh, Y/N, if you knew what you're doing to me. I wish I could fuck you right here right now on the table, I've had an erection since your message this morning." he said with a sexy smile. You turned to face him and reached down to grab his "package".

"I know and I really enjoy it." you said and caressed his cock through his pants, giving him a suggestive look. He tilted his head back slightly and sighed softly, causing you to bite your lip. You loved the way he gave himself in to you. You caressed him like that a little more, then before his thoughts could wander too much, you stopped and planted a soft kiss on his lips.

"Oh, why did you stop?" Corinthian asked like a disappointed child. You deliberately didn't answer the question, you just said:

"See you later baby!" You winked at him then went back to the library.

 You collected the books on your table and walked to the shelves with them in a good mood. After you finished putting them up, you went back to your desk. You saw Corinthian again and this time he was talking with Lucienne. When you got a little closer to them, you heard your boyfriend ask the chief librarian about the rumours he heard from the other dreams. You waved to them and had a thought. Since Lucienne was standing with her back to you, you decided you would take advantage of the situation and provoke the hot nightmare a little...

You sat up on your desk so that Corinthian could see you clearly. You usually wore a skirt to work, but this time you wore pants so you could spread your legs more easily. You slowly started caressing your thigh, then reached between your legs and in the process, you gave your boyfriend a seductive look. He glanced over every now and then, but he tried to keep Lucienne from noticing, because even though you were teasing him, he was still enjoying the show you were putting on for him. You continued to ”touch” yourself and bite your lip, then threw your head back for a moment. Corinthian, even though he can't sweat, felt like he was flooded with heat and loosened his shirt a bit at the neck. He felt that he was starting to lose control over his thoughts and he heard Lucienne's words more and more quietly, he could only hear the beating of his heart in his ears. As you imitated masturbating, deep inside you prayed that Lucienne wouldn't look back or you'd end up in an extremely awkward situation, and Corinthian hoped she wouldn't notice his erection. He was trying his best to pay attention to the conversation, and in his head he was thinking that when he gets home, he is going to fuck you hard for being naughty all day.

 When you finished work, you went to his apartment and waited for him to come home. The nightmare hurried home as fast as he could. When he finally arrived and saw you, he walked towards you with the intention of ripping your clothes off.

"Hey big boy! What are you doing?” you asked him pretending to be surprised by what he was up to, laughing to yourself.

"Listen, I've been so horny all day because of your little games that I can’t take it anymore! I’m losing my mind, I want you so bad!" he said and pulled you close, but you got yourself out of his arms again.

"I know, I have been very, very bad! But, it's still not over." you told him mischievously, then picked up a strawberry from the plate on the coffee table. Corinthian frowned, but he was curious as to what you were up to.

First, you slowly ran the strawberry over your lips, then you started to lick it with the tip of your tongue, imagining that you were licking the head of his cock like that. Corinthian no longer frowned, but instead smiled and grunted in satisfaction. He loved it when you sucked his cock, because you were always enthusiastic and creative and he felt like the luckiest man in the world.

You then put the strawberry in your mouth and began to carefully suck it. While doing that, you moaned because you enjoyed the delicious taste of the fruit. You did all of this with your eyes closed, but at one point you opened them and saw Corinthian sitting on the couch, leaning back and looking at you. You were surprised that he didn't touch himself, although he usually never masturbated in front of others, he preferred his partner to do it in front of him, thus showing his dominant self. The way he was sitting there was so sexy to you that you felt yourself getting turned on. When you were sufficiently aroused, you bit into the strawberry and let the juice run down your chin as if it was the result of Corinthian's orgasm. The nightmare couldn't take it anymore, he went to you and kissed you passionately, then he took you in his arms and went up to the bedroom with you...😈

  Tags: @thecorilove86, @e-dubbc11, @harlekin6 @jessamydreams, 

@destiny-rahl, @merryandrewsworld @i-like-the-eyes, @drowningnikki, 

@mirandkimy,  @translat0r  

@delicateteenagerunaway, @imjustmessy, @zealoussaladsublime, 

@lilithsdreams, @cloudsofcondensation, @blondehotbrook, 

@enkelimoonstone, @bakerstreethound, @amidalasruby, @kittycat-kai, 

@hopeless-07,  @miss-wednesday98, @littlewierdalien, @littlefoxgirl-13, 

@dahlinq @dayleis, @idealai

@icytrickster17, @belladiaz, @smileymissbee

@foodlover123456789, @lazy-queen26, @yellowwithalisp, 

@onehundredyearsofyearning, @constantron, @violentviolet88, 

@strudelbug07​,  @underwater-garden

[sacrificedtoatree]

Thoughts on Almost Nowhere

Almost Nowhere is over, so here's my reaction post. I was going to call it "Thoughts on the Almost Nowhere ending" but then I rambled all over and didn't just talk about the ending.

This post is FULL of spoilers for Almost Nowhere, all after the cut.

First, wow there were some very good fakeouts in those last few chapters.

1) I was sure that the Beasts were going to use the Wish-Power once more, in defiance of Everywhere-Heaven. Didn't see Twenty-Five just shooting her before they had time.

2) I was sure that the final chapter would end with something like, “But really, we can’t know which new story Twenty-Seven will choose. We are a part of the old story, and we cannot follow her to the moment of choice. It is not for us.” Especially with how careful our authors have been so far to convey to us that they only know what they were able to find out as a group of characters.

____

I like that the final chapter recalled the world of Anne’s tower again. It hadn’t been such a major presence in Act 3. But really, the completely-real-seeming world of the Annes was one of the big original draws of Almost Nowhere. The bizarre writing of “Ratleak”, the way the Annes just accepted everything as perfectly normal and only casually mentioned things that were totally different from the real world.

In fact, I have a specific memory from early chapters. When Cordelia mentioned that Anne was being kept in a “fucked-up crash” and proceeded to rescue her in Chapter 3, I was kinda disappointed. I thought that the weirdness of Anne’s world, the hook that had grabbed me in the very first few pages, was being demoted to backstory, that it being just one example of a type made it a little smaller, that Michael was being revealed as the equivalent of, say, some random cult in the middle of nowhere that’s got a few people kidnapped.

Of course, I was totally wrong. Anne's tower is explored to a great extent in Act 2, both in terms of the aesthetics and day to day experience of living there and in terms of plot implications!

____

In his post for new readers, Robnost mentions that he really got serious about plotting in Chapter 13.

It’s hard to tell now if I can tell that, or noticed the transition as it was happening. For me:

The first two chapters are fucking perfect.

(Like seriously, it’s hard to tell that anything wasn’t planned out when rereading the first two chapters, and hard to imagine any of their individual paragraphs being more perfectly written)

Then the chapters start to feel a little more like stuff is being thrown at the wall, as new plot elements accrue quickly (though even then ... early Cordelia chapters make a lot more sense in retrospect than they did at the time).

If there’s a low point, it’s the Stein on Stein’s Rock chapter. This chapter has some of the only elements that seem like Robnost throwing things at the wall in a way that didn’t stick. Most specifically, WTF is the Social Web, why are they in space, and in what context would an organization called the “Geometric Brotherhood” be a part of Almost Nowhere? My impression is that Rob noticed this and retconned it with that Annabel monologue.

Then by chapter 11 and 12, it feels like things are coming together and there’s a plan again. I remember Chapter 13, but as a step on that path, not a new direction - but I do have some memory that I noticed it as a particularly [i]longer[/i] chapter than usual for that point.

(But now I look back and it doesn't seem particularly long, though the early chapters do seem unusually short for AN)

Then Aidan’s MM lecture blew me away. The ending of the chapter, with all those plot elements briefly teased and then hidden for another third of the book, was brutal, and brutally effective. And also served to tell me that from then on, it wouldn’t be any kind of crapshoot whether a chapter was good or not.

____

If I could change something in Almost Nowhere, I’d just … make the finale a little shorter?

Rob said he imagined the final section being “fast and explosive”. It did feel that way during the serial chapters. But then, the last block of six dropped and the final act ended up being nearly as long as 1 and 2 put together.

I feel like it would be better if Act 2 had remained the longest act? When I look back over Almost Nowhere, it at least seems to have the largest amount of "differing stuff" in it.

Not a word could be shaved off of Sylvie's physics essay though.

____

btw, Thank You Rob for not having all the characters just give in and accept the alleged moral supremacy of Everywhere-Heaven. I don't like being mugged.

Things I’m still wondering about: the Titanomachy. I was sure it would be revealed that the Alpha Centauri Surface Civilization had fought the Anomalings before, and that was what the “bombs that can kill gods” stuff was about. But apparently Titans are a [i]different[/i] thing created by the Alpha Centauri Surface Civilization?

But wait, the ACSC must have fought the Anomalings at some point, right? How would they still be around otherwise, if they’re stack-users?

I’m interested in Sylvie’s plans for future humanity, but I don’t need to, like, actually understand them. I don't understand the anti-language plague at all. Do feel like some of the big plot tensioners just went away (the Beasts encroaching on Advanced Containment and Hector’s desire to use it for rebase if Anne won’t use Michael’s crash). Though I like that Hector's actually willing to talk. All in all there's enough resolution.

The last chapter is excellent. It truly ties up the main arc. Act 1 interrupted Twenty-Six's orderly universe, Act 2 had Twenty-Six learn to be Twenty-Seven and explore all the secrets and implications of Michael’s crash, and the biggest thing hanging over and driving the plot of Act 3 was what Twenty-Seven would do when it was finally time to rebase Michael's crash. And I was truly surprised by her decision! But I can understand why she made it, and it fits well with the themes (these characters really need to work with what they've got instead of obsessing over what really poisoned the world at its root). And I really liked the little scene with Twenty-Six at the end. Takes us all the way back to the beginning.

I can't believe this thing is really over! I've been obsessing over it since sometime last summer. Looking back I was really lucky to get into it in Spring 2022 when Rob was updating regularly ... I think I had the perfect amount of time to enjoy being a serial reader but not to get frustrated at how long I had to wait for answers.

And now I have the answers. Or at least, enough of them.

Thanks, Rob.

[toneelspeelster]

re a little life - is this the one with james norton as jude? i'd love to hear more of your thoughts about how you found it. was hanya similarly involved in this one as in the dutch version?

oh. get ready, i got thoughts. read more for spoilers i guess. mind you i'm very biased as a dutch person. i don't know if hanya was more involved.

the show's almost exactly the dutch one and it's kinda to its detriment a little when you know of the dutch one (which i still prefer). like the stage's the same (but way smaller as a consequence of dutch theatres just being way bigger than london ones). clothing wise it's even very similar. but this made it extremely difficult for me not to just focus on the differences in acting bc it's the same play functionally.

the show is shorter by 20 min and as a consequence there's not a lot of breathing room for the characters or audience. one specific part i noticed is that the happy years were cut down. that choice is an interesting one bc it does all around make it feel like this version is a bit more of a trauma conga line than the dutch version feels like. this combined with the fact that the rape scenes were simulated way more extensively than it was in the dutch one and you got to wonder: why is this needed for the english version? it's not like we shy away from explicitness in the netherlands.

acting wise it was all very similar direction to the original. james was fine i guess, he wasn't really directed differently from the dutch one but i did sense a different feeling in that i feel that james felt more emotionally open throughout whilst i feel that ramsey really got that internal strife and guardedness that jude had way more. his portrayal is so fucking layered and his screams are guttural. then again ramsey is like. one of The Dutch Theatre Actors. it's no wonder he got the dutch equivalent of tony awards/laurence olivier awards for this role. and was one of ivo van hove's main cast of actors but more on that later. so james was fine. he did have a good challenge in the role i think, which he took to what his heights are.

willem's interpretation here was frankly terrible. my friends and i fully agreed on this; he just didn't feel like willem from the book at all. he's way more of a weird teenager dude bro and there were less moments in the first half that fully indicated that there always was a bit more between willem and jude so in the second half i didn't completely buy that this version would be in love and say it to jude like that. it just didn't feel organic. and in the final death scene - when throughout the second half he felt a bit marginally better - he fully reverted back to this comic relief status like. i just snickered. i'm sure the actor is fine in other work. i just think the interpretation missed its mark here. maybe as adelstitel mentioned in one of our comments they felt he needed to be a comic relief character bc the play is full of trauma and in those tragic stories the audience does need to have release of tension sometimes. but it was way too much.

support cast was good, especially jb was terrific, and i liked andy. have no real feelings about caleb/luke/taylor but i do think hans kesting is way more terrifying in the role, maybe also because of the room he has in the dutch one. like he's got space he can use menacingly that the english actor can't bc of room limitations.

everything was in an american accent. sometimes the accent was quite strong, like with harold. that was kind of.. very distinct. and different from the dutch actor who is flemish and has one of the softest accents and voices. harold also stayed closer to jude at the end. one of the changes i did like is that both harold and jude sang a bit more at each other as a reference to the mahler song.

i think the dutch actors have the advantage of being a set cast of actors who work with each other through multiple different theater plays. there's just something magic there in their chemistry. and i thnk ivo very much knows what he can extract from them and that would be more difficult from a different cast.

so in short; basically the same show so it was good, but different interpretations and comparing them are difficult to avoid when seeing this in multiple languages. i appreciate the booklet giving a bit more background on ITA's existence bc how many times would an international show not in english be able to successfully make the move to english. nevertheless.. it's just subtitles to overcome!

[chayscribbles]

chayscribbles’ monthly writing update ☆ november 2022

☆ STATISTICS.

words written: 9835 drafting; 17606 redrafting/editing

projects worked on: Andromeda Rogue, Andromeda Rising

proudest accomplishment: i published my first art zine! oh and finishing the first draft of AR3 is also a thing that happened

books read: Memoria by Kristyn Merbeth; Cinder by Marissa Meyer, A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine

☆ GENERAL COMMENTS.

(book comments first: Memoria (the sequel to Fortuna, which i read a few weeks ago) was MUCH better imo than the first, 4.5 stars. Cinder was very enjoyable but i do feel like i am simply getting too old for YA and would have liked it better if i had read it a few years ago, 4 stars. A Memory certainly wasn't bad, but in the end it fell a bit flat for me, 3 stars.)

this month has been Very Weird. within the span of like 3 days a lot of things happened, including finishing AR3 and other Personal Stuff that resulted in me suddenly having a lot of free time on my hands that i did not know what to do with. but everything ended up working out! and a lot of that free time went to working on my wip.

i had thought that after finishing AR3 i'd work on one of my lower-effort sidewips, or work on other hobbies like drawing, but the motivation for those things just... didn't manifest itself? (also the Secret Space WIP, has become bigger than i thought it would, and i felt it would require more commitment than i am currently willing to give it)

anyways i just ended up going right back to AR kjdfgkjfds whoops

more specific wip-related comments + featured excerpt below.

☆ COMMENTS: ANDROMEDA RISING (finishing the draft)

did i really finish this draft this month? it feels like forever ago jkfdjk

so my unofficial NaNo goal was to finish AR3. i had originally estimated it would take 15k, and then adjusted it to 10k. i didn't quite make the 10k either but i DID finish the draft, so that's still a win. to me.

this draft turned out way shorter than i had hoped... and there's a LOT that needs to be fixed, and i'm not completely satisfied with how it turned out. but i really was at the point where i had to just get through it to call it done otherwise i never would, so thank fuck that's over with.

(trying not to think about how much needs to be fixed yet. gritting my teeth.)

☆ COMMENTS: ANDROMEDA ROGUE (draft... 2!!!!)

so i had this whole plan of letting the entire series rest, then rereading, reoutlining, reworking some plot, character and worldbuilding stuff, and only starting draft 2 in 2023... and then i got impatient lmao.

i was somewhere in the reoutlining stage about a week after finishing AR3 when i realized it felt like i was wasting my time. not much of the main structure of this book is gonna change, so i was pretty much just rewriting the exact same outline i already had. (i plantsed through draft 1 but made a reverse outline as i was writing.) most of the changes are adding or changing certain details to scenes and no amount of planning was gonna help any more than just writing out the changes. so, on the 18th, i started draft 2.

(besides, it's not like i didn't let AR1 rest. i finished it in june 2021 after all.)

i also had a bunch of editing notes from when i was drafting, + stuff i thought about later while writing the sequels on how to better set things up, + notes taken during my reread. so i ended up just annotating the hell out of my first draft to show where i would add or change things, and then i put the old draft on one side of the screen and a new doc on the other side and started rewriting it to include the changes.

i've gone through about 5 chapters and added an epilogue so far! it's going pretty fast haha. i've already added over 2000 words just by fleshing things out a bit more, now that i know my characters and the world much better than when i started. it's SO much easier now that i have the entire series in front of me.

chapter 5 is where i've been slowed down as there is a considerable amount of stuff that needed to be rewritten completely-- it's quite exposition-heavy (it's the scene where Petra gets a rundown of her xenobotany mission), and when i first wrote it, i wasn't exactly sure where i was going with the story. and even though i now have a fuller picture in front of me, it's always hard to write an exposition-heavy chapter and include everything that needs to be said without making it drag. not to mention, foreshadowing and setting things up appropriately.

right now, i'm taking a quick break from redrafting to iron out some of the political backdrop of the story. not only did i need to rest after wrestling with chapter 5, but i was disappointed reading A Memory Called Empire, which was supposed to be a political intrigue, and it was one heck of a motivator to try to make the politics in my book better haha.

☆ FEATURED EXCERPT.

very short passage i added to AR1 to further demonstrate how much of a nerd Petra really is.

“Petra,” Dr. Derosy said, “you did your thesis on vitaplants. Would you mind giving us a brief definition?” Petra coughed and sat up straighter in her chair. “Vitaplants are a category of plants that boost the growth and health of other living organisms around them, specifically through the emission of vitawaves," she said. "Vitaplants have been found to have evolved independently on multiple planets around the sector and are not confined to a single genus, which has confounded taxonomists—"

“Thank you, Petra. I did say brief.”

☆ TAGLISTS. let me know if you want to be added/removed to either.

general taglist:

@nicola-writes @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthor @stormharbors @quilloftheclouds @ashen-crest @writeblrfantasy @celestepens @stardustspiral @pepperdee @extra-magichours @avi-why @lefttigerobservation @chazzawrites @bardolatrycore

andromeda trilogy taglist:

@bebewrites @nicola-writes @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthor @stormharbors @akindofmagictoo @quilloftheclouds @nora-theteawriter @ashen-crest @corpsepng @writeblrfantasy @toboldlywrite @celestepens @stardustspiral @pepperdee @cheerfulmelancholies @extra-magichours @writeouswriter @cilly-the-writer @lefttigerobservation @rose-bookblood @drowsy-quill @chazzawrites @cynic-and-chief @enchanted-lightning-aes @aesa

[declanlikesmusic]

Today's Listens: Episode 004

August 8th & 9th, 2023

These past couple of days have been busy as fuck and I've neither had the time to listen to that many albums in each single day, nor write about them in those same days, so I thought I'd compact the two of them into one for a quick double episode! I listened to a variety as usual for as little time as I had and really enjoyed myself as usual, so here's what I heard!

Ski Mask the Slump God – STOKELEY (2018)

I kicked off the first day with simultaneously one of the most underrated yet underutilised rappers of the current day. I've always loved Ski Mask the Slump God's quirky yet menacingly skilled style and there are times where either he's punching under his weight or his label is doing that for him. (Bring back the original BEWARE THE BOOK OF ELI or I will take action.) I'm thankful to return to this particular debut studio album to end up finding a lot to love. Nuketown is the obvious big bomb highlight from the hype alone, but even the lesser appreciated cuts like the melodically sung So High and Save Me Pt 2 are fun jams, plus big hits like Faucet Failure, LA LA and Foot Fungus are great too. The whole thing is very consistently enjoyable, only really weak in a few notable spots. If you're a fan of trap rap, I can't not recommend this one.

7.6 / 10

Highlights: So High, Nuketown, Foot Fungus, LA LA, Save Me Pt 2, Get Geeked, Reborn to Rebel, Faucet Failure

Meteorological Agency – Night Coverage (2019)

Next one took me a long time to get to, I was pulled away to deal with other things after watching Jacksfilms livestream that day, so I had to wait until after my poker game that night to cover this half-hour signalwave album. This one's very sweet, lovely to hear and melodic, but it hardly exceeds more than that for me most times. I hate to kind of dismiss it like that, because it was still a good, solid time, but I was seeing a lot of praise for this out of other broken transmission albums and I hardly can say I walked away with too much compared to those who did. Still, good time, I'm keen on recommending it, just not particularly high priority.

7.0 / 10

Highlights: Indigo, Melancholy, Violet, Dream, Landscape, Rest

my bloody valentine – glider (1990)

I wanted to blaze through shorter listens because I didn't want this first day to be hardly anything, so why not throw an EP into the mix from the legendary my bloody valentine, though I had to listen to this through their EPs compilation. This was a very, very good time. It kicks off with soon from the end of their loveless album, which grew on me upon this EP and the rest from the strange title track to the almost great closer were a very pleasant time. If you want more shoegaze EPs in your life, this is a must-try among others of theirs.

7.4 / 10

Highlights: Soon, Off Your Face

HKE – OMNIA (2016)

Not gonna lie, I was kind of breezing by these albums on the first day, especially this one which closed it out, but at least it made me realise this was a little better than I remembered. HKE is a persistently bitter nutjob, I don't want to publicly endorse his music without telling you to proceed with caution, because this man's history in the vaporwave world is fucking wild. This record was ripe from the rise of the hardvapour subgenre and it's a decent time. I was kinda falling out of love with it and its persistent ambient interludes by the midway point, but once I reached OMNI, I was having a great, great time. Definitely one to enjoy whilst learning about hardvapour's messy, shitty and complicated history and its place in vapor as a whole.

7.1 / 10

Highlights: Omni, Requiem, Restore, Awake

SEA OF DOGS – Prelude (2018)

Now it's the second day of the two and I've spent all of it in the morning and afternoon being way too busy to be at home and sitting down for any of these albums. By the time it was finally evening and dinner time though, I had to kick it off with one of my favourite producers of all time. hyphyskazerbox, known as SEA OF DOGS here, put out a Prelude EP in 2018 that perfectly bridges the gap between her releases at the time. This was delightfully strange, a complete warping of music without being too plunderphonic-heavy, really genre-heavy in that matter. If you're going into this one, don't expect anything and you will receive everything, a little bit. The last two tracks are especially grounded into being more lyrical cuts with the former especially taking dominance with its atmosphere. This is another great time from an incredibly varied discography. I'd say check it out, but also know that there's others from her that don't sound quite like this that are even better.

8.2 / 10

Highlights: Hearing Her Name in Static, Warmed by the Rain and Sunny Thoughts of June, Beekeeper

Pendulum – Hold Your Colour (2005)

Finally, I've been waiting to go over this one for years now, the pioneering and genre-defining drum and bass prodigies known from down under as Pendulum with their mid-2000s debut album. I was worried I wouldn't love this one as much as I wanted to, but to no surprises at the end, this was actually a very great time. What's especially amazing to me is how basically this album compresses what would go down as several different subgenres for DnB into one cohesive record, from dancefloor DnB to liquid DnB and all sorts of others! Highly, highly recommend this one; I'm sure to EDM heads, this one is a stone-cold classic and it deserves that position greatly.

7.8 / 10

Highlights: Slam, Plasticworld, Fasten Your Seatbelt, Out Here, Hold Your Colour, Streamline

VECTOR GRAPHICS – DESTINE (2015)

This one's another EP, but just like with glider and Prelude, this one is not to be underestimated or undermined. Far from it actually, it's my favourite EP that I've heard since starting this series! VECTOR GRAPHICS, now known these days as .CASTING, is a prodigy of a slowly growing subgenre of vaporwave known as VHS Pop. There's a bunch of definitions out there, but the one that seems to be on the rise is classic vaporwave-infused hip-hop instrumentals with loud VHS fuzz. We can absolutely thank this EP for helping to popularise that sound, as its title track is often regarded as one of the best vaporwave songs of all time. I'm completely on the hype train with that, I especially think that the second of the three tracks sampled in this is completely transcendent. It's the longest and best cut on here by far, but every single track from before and after it is also a consistently great time. This EP is excellent and if I'd recommend anything in this post more than any other, it's absolutely this one.

8.7 / 10

Highlights: SURFING, DESTINE, ALBA83

Joy Division – Substance (1988)

I always like to do a slightly special record for every ten ratings that I do, even if milestones like this are as insignificant as 1330. For that, I tackled probably the last Joy Division record I will cover, their '77 to '80 compilation of non-album singles titled Substance. I've never been fully enamoured with their pioneering post-punk sound; I understand that it's for way more people other than me, but at least it was very fascinating to see this band evolve from a slightly amateur punk rock sound to a completely innovative one. The second half is especially good and consistent, but not to the level of great for me that I'd love. Almost every track here I felt that I should love and I very clearly almost do, but there's always something holding me back from that. It could be Ian Curtis's vocal styles, it could be some of the instruments played, it could even be the troubling recording quality of the late '70s as usual. The only track where everything truly clicks for me is the closing Love Will Tear Us Apart, which is very obviously their best here. I still think this compilation is very good and worth a listen if you're especially a fan of post-punk.

6.9 / 10

Highlights: Transmission, She's Lost Control, Atmosphere, Love Will Tear Us Apart

Massive Attack – Mezzanine (1998)

To finally close out this double special, I went to one of my favourite albums of all time for a proper rerating that I felt was undermining, when I last tried it. Massive Attack's Mezzanine is an incredible '90s record and my absolute favourite in the trip hop sound. I think the reason why I used to score it lower than I would've liked to is because what makes this record so excellent is often so understated that you'd have to really pay attention to find it transcendent most times. It's so eerie and urban, it feels dusty at points, but its highs are grimacing and haunting. I struggle to find new words for it, especially its first run of tracks from the incredible opener to the underrated interlude-type cut. Just dive in and absolutely check this one out if you haven't already.

8.8 / 10

Highlights: Angel, Risingson, Teardrop, Inertia Creeps, Exchange, Mezzanine, Group Four

Finally, I've got this two-in-one special right out of the way. This one had to be super delayed, I'm finishing this on the morning of the 10th, but I'm still very glad to be able to push this one out, especially as I'm freed from my job for a little bit. I hope you like what I've mentioned here and I'll see you shortly after for the next one!

[markcampbells]

Get to Know the Writer Meme: 1, 18, 27, 39, 55, 72! 😊

You know what I do? Reblog ask memes and posts encouraging ask box engagement and then I space on answering the asks I do get. It's called being a hypocrite and it's fantastic.

Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

One shots, unquestionably, LOL. I did write multichapter when I was younger, and one of my first McKirk fics is loosely a five times fic, but I really prefer to write short stories with payoff immediately rather than stressing about if I've gotten momentum or plot development even and correct. I have a handful of multichapter ideas in mind, but I'm not sure they'll ever happen to my satisfaction.

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

Usually during or immediately after! In very rare cases before, if I'm struck by a particular lyric and I'm building a fic around it. Oftentimes I'm working on a fic and something that feels like it fits the vibe will occur to me. (My McKirk fics are almost all lyric titles, but thus far my FFVII fics have been bits of dialogue from the stories themselves, so a bit different.)

27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

Most favorite, I love getting to figure out character dynamics--dialogue, the ways they interact with each other, physicality based on if they've known each other a while or if they're just getting to know each other (I have two characters in my original stuff who used to be married and they have a frankly terrifying level of nonverbal communication I really enjoy writing). Least favorite, as I mentioned before, I am bad at plotting and feel a lot of stress over proper pacing, which is why I tend to stick to shorter stuff.

39. Share a snippet from a WIP.

Because I have it open in a tab right now, a bit from the FF7 fic I'm working on:

She feels the tremor in his hand, one that, if they weren't talking like this, she would have just credited to the mako poisoning. Super strength doesn't seem to make much of anything when your body's fucked six ways from Sunday; she's been keeping close since they got out of the lifestream, trying to make sure he ends up back on an even keel. So she can't let it pass, turns her hand over beneath his so she's lightly grasping it, only gripping harder when he tries to pull away. "Let go?" he pleads faintly, and she shakes her head. "Like hell." "Tifa." A quiet sigh, another plea. "Look. I appreciate all your help with this--this bullshit." He gestures feebly with his free hand at his legs sprawled beside him. "But--you saw what happened back at the temple, at the altar. What--what I almost did to her. You can't–" "Yeah, Cloud, you know what I can do? Blame Sephiroth. He killed her, just like--just like my dad." Her chest is so tight it hurts to breathe. "So don't you dare--ever again, Cloud, are you listening?--act like you did it with your own hands."

55. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

With McKirk fics, I definitely enjoy writing from Bones' perspective the most, and I feel very gratified that my readers' response to my Bones voice has borne this out, especially because there are elements of his backstory (both in canon and as I write him) that are totally outside of my experience. I take a lot of pride in the place I've been able to get it to.

72. What order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

I am an absolute mess in my original stuff, but with fanfiction I actually find it's easiest to go mostly in order! I usually have an inciting incident in mind that helps me set up the plot / character dynamic and go from there, like a character getting up from a nightmare, asking a question they need answered, being interrupted when they're lost in thought, etc. Sometimes if I'm really stuck I'll move further into the story and work on dialogue or interaction that I can more clearly visualize, but usually, I go in chronological order.

[spinsterennui]

I was tagged by the lovely @archetypewriter ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you so much for thinking of me darling!!! Fair warning, though: you’ve asked *an English lit grad student* to answer questions in a written format. I hope you’ve learned your lesson lol. In my defense, I can’t help being verbose; it’s my nature!!! 😂😭

Tag 9 people you want to get to know better!!!

Last song: XTC “Respectable Street”

Last show: Burn Notice

Currently watching: I always have the tv on in the background bc it reduces anxiety for me, but I’m not necessarily watching; it’s like white noise. The shows I’m actually watching are: Burn Notice, trying to finally finish Lucifer (the second half of season 6), and I’m going to try to get to Lucky Hank either today or tomorrow, despite my having a severe issue with large beards due to traumatic childhood parent issues. I honestly can’t decide if it’s a good thing that Bob has such a terrible beard in this show or not 😭 Like the fact that he’s playing an English professor might have been too indulgent for me without the off-putting facial hair lol.

Currently reading: Unfortunately I don’t read much for pleasure at the moment. A lot of this has to do with being so behind in my dissertation, which causes me to feel like I shouldn’t/can’t read anything that isn’t research; consequently, I end up just not reading. That said, I have been reading bits of Bob’s book A Load of Hooey, which is hilarious and ridiculous but is also easy to pick up and put down because it has a lot of very short parts. Books closer to my research: Killer Apes, Naked Apes & Just Plain Nasty People: The Misuse and Abuse of Science in Political Discourse by professor emeritus of anthropology at St. Lawrence University Richard J. Perry (a history and critique of biological determinism that is written for a non-academic audience — I highly recommend it) and, a more theory-based text, The Age of Scientific Sexism: How Evolutionary Psychology Promotes Gender Profiling and Fans the Battle of the Sexes by feminist/queer theorist and Distinguished Professor of critical theory and gender/sexuality studies at University of Toronto Mari Ruti (also fantastic albeit a bit dated as it’s from 2015 — Ruti has a very interesting writing style, but this book can be challenging for someone unfamiliar with theory and/or reading heavily academic texts).

Current obsession: I mean all apologies for being interminably repetitious, but Burn Notice (as well as Jeffrey Donovan in Burn Notice because a) he’s an incredible actor and b) he is seriously fucking hot in this role). I’m actually rewatching (yes AGAIN), but mainly because I realized that I hadn’t really been paying attention to seasons 1-2 during the rewatch.

When Better Call Saul ended I wasn’t really ready to invest in a totally new show (except for a couple of shorter ones), because it left me a tad despondent I suppose. I’d watched it from day one, back in 2015, after we’d binged Breaking Bad. So I saw that Burn Notice was streaming and thought “low stakes rewatch” because even though I watched the whole series when it originally aired, it ended back in like 2013 I think, and I’d honestly forgotten how good it is. Despite its flaws, it is such an entertaining and satisfying show. It has an incredibly strong and unique female character, and the way Michael and Fiona’s relationship develops (or re-develops) is fun and frustrating and emotionally rewarding at once. They’re both deeply flawed, deeply traumatized characters who love each other more than they love themselves, and slowly they both grow to realize that they can bring out the good in each other while helping to mitigate the bad. They save other people, that’s the sort of formula of the show beyond the burned spy part, but they also save each other, in more ways than one.

I really love shows that, at their core, turn out to be about something more substantial than what appears on the surface, particularly if that something is love in some form. When a show surreptitiously sneaks in a message about love, that show tends to stick with me so much longer and affect me so much more deeply. Better Call Saul, The X-Files, The Americans (admittedly in a fucked up way), The Glory, Lucifer, Leverage (which reminds me that I still need to watch the new one), or even Bates Motel (or ​Buffy/Angel in some ways) all, to one extent or another, have an underlying narrative of love (not just romantic, although that’s a fave for me), as well as related themes of identity (and what it means — like both what you choose and what others assign to you and how that affects your ability to be a fulfilled human), trauma and the aftermath, and family (both blood and found). These themes are quite overt in some of the shows I mentioned and less so in others, but in my opinion the threads run through them all. However, in Burn Notice they each are incorporated into the story incredibly well, which is a big part of what makes the show so compelling for me.

Okay, essay over!!!!! All apologies 😫 Anyway here’s a photo of a special birdie friend on my mantle (the spots are blacked out for privacy bc they are photos of my nephews) ❤️

I’m not going to tag nine people but I am tagging @veyzus @yellowginghamdream @tahiri-veyla @darkskywishes (though I haven’t seen them in a while so I hope all is well) and @nissameta1782 (I always feel weird tagging unless I know someone pretty well, which is weird bc I love being tagged by people I’ve never talked to before lol . . . go figure). Please don’t feel pressured!!! Ignore if you want ❤️

[power-chords]

heat 2 really did make hanna so much more fucked-up that i had imagined, lol. i didn't personally read that line as implying that he was one of the soldiers turned war criminals, but - on a similarly ambiguous note - am i crazy, or was the subtext that he'd been getting high off of lauren's adderall prescription? it took a reread before i realized that mann didn't actually state it outright. justine completely cutting contact makes a lot more sense when viewed from that perspective, imo.

Heat Anon, my beloved! Yeah, what a trip, right? For me, in a good way. Because the only thing I love more than getting my suspicions confirmed by canon is a horrible little man who is even more horrible than I originally anticipated. I love an impulsive, thrill-seeking sensation-junkie! Things Hanna does in Heat 2 that made me clap my hands like a toddler: constantly abuse drugs, fuck hookers, parade himself naked in front of a window (I thought this was SO funny), have public sex with graduate students, physically abuse multiple CIs, murder suspected criminals, turn his headlights off at night and floor the accelerator JUST TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS,,,

Re: the war crimes, I don’t know what that line is implying, but the ambiguity is anxiety-provoking: Until he crashed. In the down, some men looked around for what they could kill. I don’t think Hanna was necessarily murdering civilians, to be clear – both the film and the novel tell us that he values innocent life – but the book also makes a point to show us that he has no problem killing in a righteous rage if he thinks the target is deserving. Something went down in Vietnam that is being tiptoed around, vaguely alluded to, and maybe it’s a Heat 3 or Heat 4 disclosure as far as the specifics are concerned, or maybe we’ll simply never know. But there’s too much that traces back there, there are SO many direct and significant references suggesting that Hanna’s whole pathology descends from war, that his behavior as a police lieutenant is almost like a complication of it, a construction through which he can sublimate it. The fact that the visual dream template of the dead bodies seated around the dining table originates in Huế! What a bombshell. Even minor details are sprinkled in there liberally, like when he gets pissed off at people and is clearly imagining lining up a shot when he looks at them. Getting distracted by flashing lights and car alarms. Why, when Hanna protests about Baumann’s corrupt bureaucracy getting in his way, does Baumann immediately follow up with a remark about the Marines:

Something’s up, man! Something’s up. We’ve got scattered breadcrumbs aplenty.

As for the Adderall thing, I hadn’t considered that, but it’s a possibility. My personal reading is that Lauren has had some kind of drug problem, similar to Hanna’s, and Justine’s concerned that he’s too dangerous of an influence. Showing up clearly strung out, his fuse getting shorter and shorter, who knows. Clearly his indiscretions have gotten worse and more obvious since he killed his soulmate Neil.

There’s a brief scene in the film where Hanna is on patrol with Drucker and they pass Lauren sitting alone at a bus station after school, so he asks her what’s up, if her mom forgot to come get her. And she says no, that she “just wanted to be alone.” Alone on the street, instead of at home with her family. And a look crosses his face, and nothing is ever verbalized, but to me the subtext is pretty haunting: a part of him is rubbing off on her.

P.S. I don’t know if you’ve seen the original scripted scene for what goes down at the hotel in the bathroom, but it is DARK. Somehow even darker than Lauren’s attempted suicide, which is what ultimately made it into the final story. I think about that + the above scene at the bus station all the time, how understated it is but at the same time the level of dysfunction that is being hinted at.

[rollingdumpsterfire]

Found another French press and I’m slowly getting some semblance of normal mornings back, which I’ve missed. I set Howl’s Moving Castle down on the counter, pages-down, so while I wait for the water to boil, and while I let the coffee steep, I can get another chapter in. Leaving the book on the counter like that makes me pick it up when I’m waiting for things to boil. Lots of instant ramen and linguine with scratch-made red sauce to power through lately.

“What a very elegant way of making coffee!” I remember a Radiologist telling me when I explained what a French press was. The kettle begins to whine, stopping me mid-sentence in the book about Sofie’s boldness as an old woman. I pour the kettled water over the grounds in the press and shuffle around for a spoon.

“Damn. I need to stop wasting spoons like this”, as I root around for the last spoon, quickly stir in my coffee, and rinse it off to set it aside for my cereal. “Huh, four minutes, that’s shorter than I originally thought”, the instructions say. I’d usually let the coffee sit for ten. “Well, it’s not like I won’t taste the difference” I chuckle to myself, sparking up a reason why I even crave mornings like these in the first place. Immediate mental damage shaken off.

A silence fills the apartment.

I still can’t tell if I like these kinds of silences or not. The first time it happened was when I had gotten on the phone with many friends that day offering their support I always shrink away from.

"Come over, we'll cry and watch movies."

"Drive up here and stay the night, we'll play board games!"

"This is last minute, but come to my bachelor party at my house!"

After the last friend hanging on the phone said “I just got into work, call you tomorrow?” and hung up, it was there for the first time. I stared down a half-empty apartment. You know the silence, when you’re alone and have been crying over something permanent but your body has just decided it’s over doing that mechanism. You’ve taken that last hiccupped breath, wiped your last tear, and blown your nose for the last time. That silence. What the fuck IS that silence? It’s happened more than once, too.

For a person who remembers hating silences off all kind, trying to fill a room with a record, or just powering through the stigma of making full-blown conversations with themselves. I learned to hate that inner voice. He was so jaded, so negative, so matter-of-fact. He was as sharp as a tack though. He would shield me from disappointment because worse-case scenario; I always knew it would end this way. Best case? I'm pleasantly surprised. It was never a silent moment with you, though. Anything to shut him up.

“No way we have the same exact music tastes!”

“Why do they call him Sterling and not just Archer?”

“If you were a bee what bee would you be?”

I was slingshot back to the reality of my current situation.

Chapter Six: In Where Howl Expresses His Feelings With Green Slime. Setting the book back pages-down, (listen, you'll be FINE it wont LIVE like that, besides-- you don't even want to know what happened to my copy of Catch-22), I root around for a mug, as if I'm not already going for my black and white "Eat the Rich" mug you got me two birthdays ago that I haven't washed since. I take my coffee black, and it's MY mug don't you dare fuckin' judge me! (by the way:

Yes that new Two Door Cinema club record is great, Sam crushes those guitar riffs.

It's a play on 007 where other characters call him Bond and not James.

A busy buzzy bee.)

My whirlwind of a roommate, went off to work after a night of debate of whether or not we need to go to a hospital. It's not that I didn't believe them of their sharp rib pain, it's just not enough to quantify an emergency and we would be stuck in the ER for hours only to be potentially told "we don't know what's wrong, here's some pain killers you can't afford, and off you go!" I don't even know who to be angriest at in this scenario, but I'll always kick myself first. Damn me and not being at the Doctor level yet. Damn me and being smart enough to know that I'm not smart enough to give a definitive answer on what ails them. FUCK me for being unwilling to feel their pain because if I give more empathy it'll complicate their feelings towards me, since admitting they had a crush on me the day before. I really don't need that on my plate right now.

There it is again. That damned silence.

Recovering again from those mental blows to myself, I reflexively go to the fridge to aim for that hazelnut creamer that you liked. Laughing to myself "having a coffee addiction but can't take it black." I touch my temple now from that psychic pain.

"Why do you snowball like this?" I say to myself soon after, switching gears to reach for my own milk for cereal, only to ultimately decide against it and close the door. I take the green book, set my mug on the coffee table and lay myself down on the couch with my left leg hanging over the edge. I look over the top of the book to the same perspective where you'd work and I'd read in absolute silence.

I learned to be welcoming of my own thoughts through the quiet times. I'm still the extrovert and needs to fill the air with noise. I used to make noise to shut up that angrier, self-loathing, inner bastard. This chapter of life though, having nothing going on, and no one to talk to made moments OF talking to friends all the sweeter. You showed me that.

I was emotionally damaged when we met so I remember often, looking up and choking on my own words for fear of letting you know more about me. I just got used to not saying anything when we hung out. I was busy being in my own head though.

I would make myself uncomfortable because I felt guilty that I was just in my head and not actually present with you. I KNOW you were okay with that, more than okay, you loved me more for it-- I just wasn't. The more and more these thoughts cycled in my head the more resentment I grew. At myself. It festered horridly. You ran around cleaning or cooking or working on your art, and I would check in "Need me to do something?" I didn't ask because I genuinely wanted to help I asked because I felt the guilt of being just inside my own head and paying you no mind. Secretly kind of liking it.

I didn't lie about loving you--it just made anything that you did that bothered me all the worse. All relationships have speed bumps, my spiraling made them mountains. Is this how you felt, in those pictures where you're deep in thought and you didn't say anything until the idea of me got away from you and what reality me would actually say? Yes, of course I don't have to move in with you! I know it's too early, but opportunities like this are weird like that in relationships, why have you been holding that in this whole time? You know you can talk to be about anything when it happens? You know with me there's always a compromise, right? You know it's not healthy to be hung up on an ex, right? Do I actually love you, or is it that "idea-of love" trope? Did I actually give in to "the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody" subconsciously? Did I give in to that initial terrible thought when we started dating that you were just a rebound? Sorry I'm freaking out about moving in with you, but it's too soon, yeah? Uh oh, I've had a dream about this, where we are dating but I'm not happy being with you, it's not coming true, is it?! Am I admitting I actually don't see a future with you? Am I subconsciously looking for the next person and refuse to give up what I have and let that jerk voice win? Did I just find someone else? Did I lose a different opportunity because I couldn't get it together fast enough? Again? Why am I like this? Would you have actually done those awful things if my situation was different? You know if you stopped trying to appease everybody you wouldn't be in this mess right? Do you like the drama secretly? Did you invite that chaos because you're bored? You're just a womanizer just like every other guy, aren't you? You try to go against that in every way but you're no different when push comes to shove, right? What could have done different with--?

"Just give me a second to breathe!"

I catch up to my runaway daydream.

That silence returns.

"Shit." I stare at my empty cup of coffee, which usually meant I would have to start the French Press Process all over again, but I always fill the press with water so there's two cups. Whether or not it's a leftover habit is unimportant, anyway. I shuffle over to the kitchen and fill my mug again. I turn my back, mug in hand and lean on the counter. The cold coffee touching my lips.

"Yeah, I've missed mornings like these."

[deathiscoldbatman]

Any thoughts about Matt Hagen being the Clayface DC reforms?

This post may be a bit longer than my usual affairs, as I feel he's deserving of analysis both on the comics side and the [major] animated appearance side of things. So, since I mentioned comics first, let's break it down by comics to start. That'll be a lot shorter. Also my dog is giving me a migraine rn because the air conditioner cleaner people have come over.

In the pre-Crisis comics, Matthew Hagen is a petty art/jewel thief who decided to keep thieving when he found out he could shape shift for limited amounts of time before needing to refuel himself. There's...really not much I can say about comic!Matt, as that's literally his entire character. Sure, I've personally expanded upon him in fic, but fanfiction isn't canon and that's kind of the entire point of fanfiction. Literally this man was so irrelevant that DC killed him off in the 1980's and no one batted an eye. Afaik, they never brought him back either, except in tie-in material for the Young Justice series. In which his origin is entirely different, but we'll talk about that if/when I can get Rue to stop screaming at the repairman because she's getting on my nerves. In short, I guess you could redeem comics!Matt, but there's no canon evidence that he would ever want to stop committing crimes. Maybe that would be different if he was brought back and his origin reinvented. But I don't always deal in hypotheticals.

I'll be going over his animated appearances next.

- Batman: the Animated Series/The New Batman Adventures/Justice League: first of all, I fucking hate BtAS as a whole and could barely stomach my way through Feat of Clay pts 1 and 2. It makes me ill, and not in a good way; about the only episode I tolerate is the Mr. Freeze origin. But, ignoring the fact this version of Matt's backstory is entirely lifted from what the comic books and other media would do to Basil Karlo as there was no canon basis for Matt ever wanting to be an actor [although I guess you could swing it, Matt's greatest flaw is his greed], it's a decent enough introduction that doesn't fail to make the character it's introducing sympathetic; note that I haven't watched any of the later episodes of BtAS where he appears, but I've heard things. It's not awful within the context of the canon it comes from, and I could definitely see that version of Matt becoming a hero if not some normal guy again. The accident wasn't his fault, and in later appearances he still didn't seem to be all that thrilled about the crime thing. Also what was up with "Growing Pains" as an episode. At the very least, it showed his desire for a normal life, even if he had to create an entirely separate person [who became her own thing] to experience it.

- Young Justice: first off I've never personally watched this show. My knowledge of it is still fairly comprehensive though, thanks to my friend Conner being a walking encyclopedia. And I actually really like how Matt is in this show. His relationship with Talia is dare I say almost cute if extremely one sided [as he's just using her to find a cure for his terminal cancer], and the concept of him being part of the League of Shadows is one I feel should transition into the mainline comic series proper as there's really a lot you could do with that. I like how he redeems himself, not quickly but gradually. Re. Young Justice: Targets #1; he's working as a security guard and bodyguard, and seems genuinely content with his life.

In summary; redeeming Matt can work, you just have to know what you're doing as an author. Don't hijack some other Clayface's origin to do it, because people will notice. Maybe not many people, but people will notice. I'll notice.