#whatever i’m going to see how productive i can be before i crash again i’ve been really tired lately but that’s nothing new but i like bein

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

been sooooo productive lately :3

[mvillamemoirs]

sept 2020 unloading continued.

Wednesday, September 30th, 2020

-Danny brought me food and coffee this morning. My head is pounding like crazy- very hungover darnit. Went to work, i believe I was still somewhat drunk. It’s Dr Hoffman’s birthday, saw myself crash with energy towards the end. Headache grew more intense, Dr McMurray doesn’t want me to go home. So envious of steph that she has that luxury to call out, i should’ve too as I was completely irresponsible.

-Tried to do deliveries with steph, just tired overall. As we got to downtown san jose, i’m so tired of seeing druggies and homeless folks. I pity them, but I just feel stuck being left alone, and looked at like a target.

-So ready to go home and sleep. I think I may reschedule my therapy appointment tomorrow since i feel symptoms of being burned out.

Tuesday, September 29th, 2020

-Test is today, I have 2 hours. I should unwind and review my study sheet for it. I don’t feel as confident, but trying to minimize my anxiety. Sucks that it’s been so long with school that I don’t have an effective method of studying down. Ugh, update- that test started to irritate me once it got to the lab part. I don’t think 3.5 hours of testing back to back is effective. I just feel stressed that we’re getting tested with realistic images versus how lecture and lab meetings normally went through the book. I just have to let it go.

-Work was good for the duration of the shift. It always goes by fast, but I was still dwelling over my test. My irritation seems pretty high today. 

-Went home, relieved I didn’t have any homework due this week for anatomy, went to go hang out with steph as she did deliveries. We ended up drinking a 4loko for old sakes, talked about jerome, danny, and everything overall. I’m so happy that it’s working out with her and Jerome despite mine and his history. It seems like a perfect fit and I’m happy for her!

-She came back to my house, we finished the wine bottle that’s been chillin in my fridge since July. Felt like everything was spinning by bedtime. Danny is at work, and it made me just miss him. The most cigarettes i’ve smoked in a while!!

Monday, September 28th, 2020

-Very productive at work. Towards the end, I kept thinking I should've called out since I have a test tomorrow. I feel very super anxious about it. Oh, Anatomy.

-Energy pretty darn on point and feeling very motivated that I’m understanding material. 

-Wondering if i’ll be enough for Danny with our existing conflicting work schedules, schoolwork, and now even more school with NHI starting soon. I just have to remind myself to go with the flow, focus on my priorities.

 Sunday, September 27th, 2020

-Woke up at Dannys house. I feel uneasy. Had 2 mimosas before coming into Lokahi. Mom was giving me crap for not vacuuming after my dog. Responsibilities that I suppose I’ve been neglecting.

-Remembered it was Awet’s birthday, i miss hanging out!!

Saturday, September 26th, 2020

-I can totally see me and Danny living with each other. Things went smooth today. Had him over in the morning, made breakfast at my house, and changed his oil. Nala really loves him.

-Study bug bit me deep. Eustress. Studied a lot today, and am really enjoying having today off to get time to myself.

-I find myself falling for Danny more. I’m seeing a pattern where I'm relying on him a lot again, and I hate that feeling. I also find myself questioning, do I really have feelings for him or if I’m just settling. He hardly tells me how he feels, I don’t know what to expect, and don’t like to feel vulnerable and have my guard down for anyone. I don’t know how serious he is about me, I want to know, but am okay with not knowing.

-More cars on the road, traffic blows.

-Thinking about how much i have on my plate- school, work, court thing.

Friday, September 25th, 2020

-Super excited at work, energy is high and so is productivity. Making efforts to plan out studying over this weekend as I do have an anatomy course. Also thinking about if I’m enough for Danny if whatever this is will proceed moving forward.

-Had anxiety about making dinner, went with him to help a friend fix her tire. It’s interesting that he has many friends that are females, but again, I have to remind myself not to push things and just let it go. Ate pizza with him, slept at his house.

-Random thoughts of the day is that I’m seeing less of steph, I should be branching out my social circle, too, but i feel like school is taking over.

Thursday, September 24th, 2020

-Woke up from Danny’s house. He’s so handsome. I like cuddling with him. Not sure if it’s my period, but I feel strong feelings towards him and feel like I don’t get the same in return as much. I start to feel insecure like he’s doing something else suspicious, but know it’s just me. He’s busy and I respect his grind, it just motivates me to do the same with the time I have, and go from there.

-Went home and tried to knock a lot of chores before class started. I vacuumed, did a load of laundry, changed the bed sheets, made breakfast and swept the floors. Also brushed Nala to bond with her and deshed her since her fall coat is coming in.

-Looking over the past few days, not smoking an entire cigarette in one sitting is helping me to wean off of them. I fell off and started to smoke in my car again, as well as in my backyard. My midback has been feeling sore a lot. The adjustment helped yesterday, but I really think it’s my poor desk set up with online school work and at work. 

-Went to work, did a lot of cleaning up, not so much production with getting notes for a patient out. Luckily patient time ended early today.

Wednesday, September 23rd, 2020

-Work has been bothering me all day today. I think it’s my boss’ misdirection or frazzled mentality this morning and Milenna’s attitude. I do see a difference when my boss doesn’t make time to complete his reports, and messes with the schedule and patient flow. 

-Came home for lunch by habit and caught up with Meilani. It was nice to see what’s going on with her. Shared the idea of moving in with Danny, she’s looking at bigger apartments with Dru, and she pops the question of me filling mom in on the idea. Told her not yet, because this is just step one- just browsing, but did make me realize how I should go on about it when it comes to telling my Mom about it.

-Came home, read for my psych class, getting caught up but need more time to myself to read and study for both psych, and mainly Anatomy.

-Hung out with Danny and his cousin at night time, felt like I shouldn’t because of my schoolwork, but I did miss spending time with him so why not. Hanging out with Danny just made me realize I’m getting dependent on him to be around. I don’t like having that type of mentality, even though it feels good to feel wanted. Like what are we? I’d like to know where this is going, but again I’m just going with the flow and don’t want to put myself through any more things that I’m already invested in. ALSO, if I’m struggling with things now, it’s only going to get crazier when massage classes start.

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2020

-I feel like the busiest of all bees. I was very productive this morning. Walked Nala, took her to her post spay check up, had class, and went to work. Luckily my energy was up there, and I kept the ball rolling with catching up on reading and class work. Coming home from work just made me realize that this Anatomy class is a ton of work with 5-6 assignments due twice a week.. . .and this is just one class!

-Started to look at apartments, yesterday morning just made me realize how things are getting close to pre-covid times- ie traffic. I don’t like traffic at all, like where all these cars and crazy drivers come from as Santa Clara County isn’t full on open yet. It was nice having a ghost town while it lasted.

-Zarinah hit me up saying to visit her out in Philly for Halloween. I’m tempted, but don’t want to fall off from my schoolwork, travel with COVID still occurring, and spend money when I have other priorities to pay off.

Monday, September 21st, 2020

-I don’t like how coworkers bring their outside funk into the office- or just in general. It’s not preferable for me to dumb down my energy or be around weighed-down vibes when I’m not vibrating ar that level. I feel like that’s something that should be checked out at the door and be placed privately. Misery really loves company I guess.

-Work went really well, vibes were high in the back office, I really have no complaints at this rate.

Sunday, September 20th, 2020

-Super excited for Danny to get back to town, bummed I still have to work until 3pm, and he works graveyard. I like this slow pace that we’re in. It’s like we’re re-kindling the flame at a slower, cautious pace. I just hope if we were to move forward again, that we’re enough for each other despite our conflict of work schedule.

Saturday, September 19th, 2020

-I felt like today went really fast-paced. I felt like I was constantly on the go, with something to do right after the other. I had work at Lokahi, came home to get dressed and come back to my weekday job to get things done and Staples to pick up things. Energy was pretty high up there and didn’t mind making up hours missed during the weekday due to school work. 

-Afterwards, I completely forgot about Kristine’s party at Raymond’s house to celebrate her getting her Masters. Super excited for her journey, as well as second-guessing my educational route. Had drinks with everyone, including steph and my sister. Overall fun playing beer pong, corn hole, and wished Danny was still there.

-I like how open me and Steph were becoming talking about Jerome and Danny.

-I feel like I am in dire need of sleep and rest and strictly me time.

Friday, September 18th, 2020

-I feel very motivated to get things done today. I liked how I was able to go at my pace with school work and work duties. Very free-flowing and getting creative with how to train these 2 people at work.

-After work I got home and just chilled. It made me realize how used to Danny’s presence I’m getting accustomed to. I feel at ease with him. 

Thursday, September 17th, 2020

-Dropped Danny off to the airport to go to Oregon, wish I was going. I wish he planned it ahead of time so I can go with him.

Wednesday, September 16th, 2020

-Very productive at work. Got a lot of work done.

-Dropped food over at danny's work. I feel conflicted with everything, but don’t want to look too deep into what me and him are, nor even think I’m ready to add that to my plate.

-Talked with my Attorney about the whole getting arrested thing. It eased my mind the options he gave me. I see my anxiety levels greatly minimizing. Keeping positive thoughts overall.

-I’m making progress with limiting cravings of smoking cigarettes. 

Tuesday, September 15th, 2020

-Woke up at dannys, came home, did online class, then went to go have brunch with Danny. Had a swirl and somalian food. It was such a bust that I didn’t get Bill's cafe or Hash house because they closed less than an hour from when my class ended- but it was a good celebration overall. Napped before he went to work, only to come home and nap some more until people came over.

-It was nice having a small get together with family and a couple friends. It was cute how my mom wanted to cook, simply because I didn’t know where/what to eat. It was a good celebration overall, wish Danny was there, wished my other friends came through, but again, mom is worried about covid, etc, etc.

-it sometimes tired me living in this house. I want my freedom, it’s a tease how Danny wants to move in together, I feel scattered.

-It feels weird being in the spotlight. I don’t like it. I remember even feeling uneasy over the weekend about what to do. I don’t think I’m a planner type, it feels pressuring. I felt okay being by myself but happy how this turned out.

-I liked how I finally got to talk with michelle while I was doing anatomy homework and quizzes-histology is so hard!! I feel flustered. I miss seeing friends and family in hawaii. I feel drained with the same routine here in california, I miss traveling.

Monday, September 14th, 2020

-I didn’t feel as down in the dumps today as I did the previous night. I had the go with the flow attitude, and it’s probably the caffeine from the cup of coffee I made this morning, but I think reminding myself that I can’t control everything helps me live in the moment, with who and what is in front of me. At work I felt very productive because I had things to get taken care of.

-I was very surprised Danny finally came in for treatment, and how nice my coworkers and boss interacted with him. I was also taken back by how cute my coworkers were with getting me a cake and a sweet card with heart felt messages. I liked how it was easy to train the successor with notes, and direct her with learning our systems. I feel super loved today.

-went to get chicken wings at wicked chicken with danny. Craving satisfied! Finished watching Zohan and knocked out.

Sunday, September 13th, 2020

-Woke up, had brunch with Danny at Bills cafe. It was nice hanging out with him before he had to go work. Sometimes I wish that he didn’t have to work the graveyard shift, but I also look at it as a good thing because space can sometimes be good. I have the rest of the night to cater the rest of my evening to my school work and try to get ahead.

-I couldn't help but have feelings of sadness and isolation. I kept getting asked what I’m going to be doing for my birthday, but I’ve grown so accustomed to living in the moment and not planning ahead. I think because of this habit, I tend to feel like I’m constantly on the go, everything is moving, sometimes faster than I’d like, and maybe these down in the dumps feelings are signs that I need to slow down(?). I kept thinking that I want to spend my birthday alone, or that it’s not significant, but I’m trying to stray away from those dark thoughts and appreciate that a lot of family members and close friends that are asking me, want to spend time with me. 

Saturday, September 12th, 2020

-Woke up at Dannys place feeling anxious about my birthday coming up, my relationship with Danny, finances, schoolwork, and the thought of serving jail time. I also feel physically drained and in dire need of a massage. Reminded myself that it’s okay with not knowing all of the answers to those things, and to focus on the NOW.

-Walked Nala for a bit once I got home. Made breakfast, and started some schoolwork.

-the thought about being unwanted in my relationship with Danny heightened the disturbed feeling of not being wanted by my Dad. I feel like I resent my dad less, and again accepting the divorce and not taking responsibility for it because I wasn’t involved. My dad’s abandonment is a reflection of his character, not mine.

-Got to spend time with danny again, kept it mellow and just stayed in because COVID. We went on a drive to woodside on the windy road, had pizza, talked about the downfall of our relationship-it is what it is. We both admitted that we were wrong, just thinking about taking it easy moving forward. I dont want to feel pressured about anything with him, I can’t even think of being in a relationship right now, I just want to chill overall with everything going.

Friday, September 11th, 2020

-Work went really good today. Knocked out 3 major medical records I needed to send out. I just didn’t do it electronically. They’ll contact me if they need it or so. Energy was really high up there today. I Talked with the patients on a deeper level, I love making connections like that, on top of my duties to serve them. It makes my work environment steady going and lively, and adds consistent meaning and purpose when I’m on the clock.

-Got home and checked on my dog. She’s doing better. I’m thankful for my sister to aid in keeping tabs on my dog. I see that Nala is slowly getting her energy back up there. She looked so exhausted when I got home. I just fed her and gave her her medication.

-Hung out with Danny and got Somalia food. It was so good! I like how he wants to try something new, and it didn’t disappoint. Sambusas were really good and the wrap was very savory. It was filled with vegetables that I wasn’t used to eating and I am so down to go back. I was telling him I was itching to go out and get into the social scene because COVID and these fires were driving me crazy. Chances of us going out were based on the NBA game where Toronto lost to Boston so we ended up not going out, but rather watched netflix at his place. I ended up sleeping over his place-it was nice cuddling with him, and getting a break from staying home. I ended up not drinking and was okay with it.

Thursday, September 10th, 2020

-Class went really well today. I’m lucky to have an understanding boss that lets me get my schoolwork done. 

-Went into work for a few hours to get caught up with medical records, other billing issues, and organizing work space and clearing out tasks. Have to remind myself to work on my how-to duties, TIRP, ordering.

-Hung out with Danny after work. Had jalapeno tamales-they’re interesting. Ended up getting a quesadilla at the taco truck down the street from his house- which was good! He came over for a bit, too, and I feel weird not being able to relax in my home when my company is there. Again, I don’t feel like it’s my home. Nala missed him, I ended up not sleeping over his house but coming back home because I felt like Nala’s surgery was still getting to her. I’m uncomfortable when my dog’s uncomfortable and I’m away from her.

-Practiced the thought process when having the urge to smoke cigarettes. I have 5 days until my birthday and I need to make a better effort of minimizing intake versus going cold turkey. I saw that practicing the thought process when that urge comes up helped on the ride home today.

Wednesday September 9th, 2020

-I feel worrisome for my dog. Luckily my sister is checking in on her while I’m at work. I don’t like seeing my dog in pain-or anyone for that matter.

-Work went really well, I’m noticing I’m keeping the ball rolling with my energy being up there, as well as productivity with notes, avoiding clashes with other staff members, separating my personal life, but glad everyone finally knows I’m doing therapy. Caught up with Blanca seeing if she’s able to cover for me on Thursday mornings, but she accepted another job elsewhere. I’m happy for her that she keeps pushing through. I’m glad her house is still standing with the whole fires happening. I’m glad her family is safe and healthy. Her Son, Valen, is growing up too quickly and he’s so handsome! I do have baby fever, but I have other things I want to do.

-I feel like I’m finally getting the grasp of my classes and managing all tools to complete assignments on different platforms. I feel focused and in control.

-It’s discouraging having a drive with my education and career goals with the court stuff simmering on a back burner.

-Chatted with Meilani for a bit and my mom chimes in about my dog bite. I’ve grown to realize that my mom is the kind of person who talks to put her 2 cents in, but doesn’t grasp what other people are saying. Like she’s not an active listener with communication, and I think that’s where it gets to me. I have to practice taking my time with how I respond because I ended up lashing out on her that I am getting things done and taken care of. She frustrates me sometimes, and I hate having to hold in my tongue.

Tuesday, September 8th, 2020

-Today is the big day getting my dog spayed. I cried a bit after dropping her off to the clinic. I just want her to be comfortable, but she looked so scared and sad when I had to walk away.

-I went to my ortho appointment afterwards and was just thinking about this court thing and how it’s going to play out. I finally wrote down questions to ask my attorney when I talk to him next week. 

**SHARED THIS IN THERAPY TODAY**

Dear Dad,

Hope you are well.

I’m pissed with how you treat my mom. Bully her with the divorce, claiming half of her belongings. She earned her wealth herself over the years and you’ve really shown how greedy of a person you are. You cheated on her when she was on her worst when grandpa passed away, and its rumored that you have another child with your old high school sweetheart. I’m set to believe that you failed at being a husband and wedded partner.

I’m upset that despite whatever happened with you and mom, you placed us in a hidden category where you just cut us off when your kids had nothing to do with your marriage’s downfall and the divorce. Both of my sisters disclaim you based on the issue with Mom, but I didn’t because that wasn’t your role to me. You’re supposed to be a father. It takes more to become a father, and providing sperm doesn’t automatically grant you the respect that a father role comes with. You were doing so good until 2014, and that’s when everything started to spiral down.

I feel like you use people to your advantage, at times when it’s only beneficial to you. That’s not right. It wasn’t until when your dad passed away, where you felt the same remorse of losing a father just like mom did with hers in 2012. I think you started to lose it then, didn’t communicate with us or attempted to in any means, and excluded yourself from the family in general. This is where you’d be physically present at outings, but mentally elsewhere. I also think this is where your selfishness grew. I remember you started to drink every night, have something to eat then sleep and repeat days after. You kept disappearing at nighttime, come and go into the house as you please, started getting comfortable talking to whatever girl it was on the phone in the house, and didn’t have courtesy towards whoever was in the same room with you.

I’m torn you didnt come to my graduation when I invited you. It hurt a lot, and I grew very enviously seeing raymond’s dad there. It was until the ride home from the graduation party where my friend asked me how I felt about it, and I broke down to fucking tears.

**********

Monday, September 7th, 2020

-Slept a lot all day due to the heat. Began getting flustered with how much noise my mom was making while I was trying to study. I gave up and knocked out for a few hours, and woke up to review homework for anatomy and psychology.

-Gave nala a bath, gave her TLC with brushing and deshedding her. Ended up walking her while carrying a bath due to being traumatized by the loose husky yesterday morning. I spoiled her today with treats after her dinner, knowing she was going to get spayed tomorrow morning.

-It felt really good to have a day off after working 3-4 weeks straight, and going at my own pace.

-Put in some work into the Dad letter. Wanted to challenge myself with a letter versus bullet points- it all has to get out at some point, right?

Sunday, September 6, 2020

-I’m super fired up this morning due to walking my dog, and having my neighbor’s dog fucking attack my dog and bite me on the wrist. Thankful my neighbor was there to get the other dog away and off of my dog, and I safely got back to my backyard. I walked over to that neighbors house to tell him what the hell is his problem. Good thing it was only me and my dog versus a kid and a smaller dog. He didn’t even apologize just stating that his dog escaped, has it’s shots- fucking rude. Hope animal control does something about it. It pisses me off how some people don’t know how to properly train or care for their dogs. I told my mom about the incident too in case someone shows up to our house after filing a report, and that ticked me off even more as she was prioritizing the safety of my car versus my dogs health and what’s right. Hold people accountable, make them take responsibility of shit. Do what’s right which in my case I feel like I did.

-Lokahi went well. Always calming and easy working there. Getting more insight of the healthcare field and getting to know the acupuncturists on a deeper level. One of them brought her son in and he’s so adorable, 7years old.

-Napped when I got home. Steph ended up coming over. Felt very productive overall.

-Told Theo I didn’t want to have meaningless sex anymore. Told Danny that putting in effort goes both ways-ie communication, wanting to hang out, etc. I just want to focus on myself and get my head right.

Saturday, September 5, 2020

-Daphne came over for a bit after I got off from working at Lokahi. She’s back with Josh after confiding in me about their relationship, but as long as she’s happy I’m all for it. I just don’t want to see my friends down and out- I want everyone to win. She was telling me how Theo was posting this and that on social media with a subliminal message thinking it was directed towards me, but I just eye-rolled at it. First he invites me to his BBQ and to bone last night, then this morning does the same thing but with 2 stripper parties to take me to afterwards. It’s whatever, it’s not my scene.

-Took a nap after working at Lokahi, woke up with very little energy and no motivation to do anything. I feel physically and emotionally drained. It’s my cousin’s birthday BBQ at his house, and I find myself moving very slow to get ready. It ended up being a fun time catching up with my sister and other friends I haven’t seen in a while. I was dreading the idea of having a drink and trying not to, but I had 2 celebratory shots in the evening and felt guilty afterwards. I think that’s a kickstart to me not wanting to drink ever. I normally don’t drink as often anymore since the night of getting arrested, I like not being impaired/ under the influence anyway.

-Felt guilty leaving my dog at home on a warm evening knowing her surgery is coming up on Tuesday. Getting that reassurance from Daphne and Josh saying how spaying Nala at 10 years old was a good idea, made me feel okay about myself doing it for her.

Friday, September 4th, 2020

-Left Danny’s house in the morning to get ready for work. Had my coffee, had a slow start to work as time felt like it was dragging. I’m awaiting Monday to come as this weekend will be the last of working straight for the past 3-4 weeks. Yay for rest, as well as playing catch up for school.

-Work went really good today, made me realize how much catching up I have to do. Threw the idea of having an old employee fill in Thursdays, surprised how my boss was open to the idea and I should reach out to her. I like it when everyone is running on good vibes- coworkers and patients. This is why I always love Fridays at work-filled with good energy for the weekend and rest, as well as finishing another great week.

-Danny texted me while in a work wrap up meeting saying his car wouldn’t start because his BAC was too high. Had mixed feelings of wanting to go there, but ended up helping with the motive to do so. As soon as I got there he tried to start his car again and it did. We’re just friends, some occasions I feel like maybe we can patch things up, I don’t know. Guard is definitely still up.

-Tempted to go to Theo’s clubhouse for a BBQ, ended up not going because my school work comes first and I felt like my social battery was running low. Theo is like temptation but I deserve the kind of love I desire and not to be anyones quick fuck. Yeah I respect him as a person because he tells it like it is, but I’m tired of putting myself through something where it’s not going to go beyond that. I feel like I’m getting back to loving myself, and okay with being single.

-I basically bombed my school work for this week. Got everything situated to add the course successfully, but realized how much homework and studying it is. I’m trying to not look at this night's homework as failure, but an opportunity to get things back on track for the remaining of the semester. Go, Education!

Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

-I woke up this morning with very little energy-unsure if it’s related to the cold weather. On the way to work my anxiety started to build up trying to plan how I’d balance out school and work for that day. It wasn’t the first good session with all of the distractions going on around me, I also found it brutal to stare at my computer screen for 2+ hours . What a time to be alive. Returning from lunch made my stomach drop, due to receiving the police report from the night or getting arrested, Attorney Ryan Mannix sent me. It sucks that I still don’t know for my damn self what the hell was going on that night, I was just scared shitless with what I thought was happening. Maybe it’s that ‘daddy issues’ thing I got going that made me think I was being in a group sex session against my will, who knows? I know for damn sure that that night was my lowest point, and not to do anything mind altering like that again. . I need to let old habits die and probably even cut ties with Theo, too, as he was like the ringleader of that night.

-I invited Danny over to my house after he got off from work, as a friendly gesture. . I told him about what was going on and caught him up to speed with the whole court thing. He advised me to write a letter to the judge. For some reason, I still look at Danny in that protector light. I ended up sleeping over at his house to calm my nerves down. He has that calming effect on me, like everything would be okay.

Wednesday, September 2nd, 2020

-I feel pumped up today. I feel motivated, I feel like I’m getting organized with my school and work duties. I feel like I am slowly gaining a sense of focus, as well as regaining my drive to fulfill my purpose in healthcare again. 

-Work went really well today. Stayed on top of office flow- glad my boss noticed at our wrap up meeting- got chart notes documented for each patient and helped a bit with the admin side of it. I felt my energy up there (thank you, coffee) so I went home and washed my car, and managed to walk my dog for a bit. I went to bed feeling relaxed. I pushed myself to be more mindful and didn’t really have a cluster of sad thoughts and negative self talk as much throughout the day. 

-By night time I was just thinking about what was going through my head in Dunsmuir. I don’t know why Theo would be the center of the illusion of me getting sexually abused in a group. I just want a clean slate from this arrest, a cleaner slate of my relationships, I’m itching to read the police report, but I have to just go with the flow and not get myself amped up for things I can’t control.

-Working on my communication skills and learning to express and say what’s on my mind. Finally built up the courage to tell my boss that I got into an anatomy course which I've been waitlisted to. I’m very eager to start, this is reassurance that I am on the right path to my educational goals and career!

Tuesday September 1st, 2020

-woke up this morning to keep reminding myself that it’s a fresh new month and to keep positive thoughts in mind as I go about. Excited that my birthday is in 2 weeks, as I'm not feeling so excited. It’s a covid celebration, but I think the most I’m going to do to treat myself is to take that day off, as well as Monday since it falls on a Tuesday- so it’ll be like a 4 day weekend to unwind, and relax.

-Danny texted me, I’m annoyed with his ass too. 

-I feel excited that I’m second on the waitlist to get into retaking an anatomy course this semester. I think the likelihood of me getting in are pretty high, so now comes the tricky part of conversing with my boss about taking 2 hours out midday on Thursdays for the semester if I get in.

-Just got home from work, cried on the way to work because I feel sad and distressed about everything. I got fired up at work due to a patient experiencing elder abuse with her auto accident case and insurance- business ethic on her auto policy- as well as how fucked up the attitude of western medicine and health insurance is. I feel anxious at the moment with what’s going on-ie. relationship status, family affairs, school, work, and the possible outcomes of this next court date. I feel like a hot mess.

-Therapy went really well today. I like getting to the root of things, but I have to remind myself to pace this process so I don’t get emotionally overwhelmed. Taking my time to write this letter/list regarding my dad, but it’s something I need to do to grow and move on.

[sadinthewoods]

9.24.2022

I have fought every opportunity I’ve had to sit down and journal over the last month or so, but it is time to let my emotions win. I can feel my foundation breaking every day and I know if I keep suppressing it, I’m just going to explode.

I feel completely disconnected from the world around me, living every day in a dark monotonous haze. I’ve been without a car for a month, so I wake up before 4, catch my bus, get home from work at 6, make dinner, sleep, repeat. When the weekend comes I find any way I can to distract myself from the mess that is my head. I try so fucking hard to look for the good in life, but it feels like every day I am being faced with a new obstacle. Car accident? Okay, fine, I’ll get a bike and take the bus. Crashed my bike on day one, could barely walk for days, totally wrecked my body. Like...sometimes it’s almost comical, and I can sort of laugh about it, like who has this kind of luck? But it just fucking beats me down. I am beyond exhausted, physically, mentally, in every sense of the word. The hardest part of it all is that I just...don’t know how to beat it. I want to be better. But the biggest force driving this all is grief, and how the fuck do you get through that? I lost my dad 1 year and just over 3 months ago, and I think about him every single day. I went from feeling like I had it all together at such a young age, I own a house and have a solid career, but in an instant everything changed and I just feel like a little kid lost in a grocery store. All I want is a hug from my dad, I want to sit on the couch and watch cartoons with him and feel like it’s all going to be okay. How do you cope with knowing you’re never ever going to get that back? There are so many things that are going to happen in my life that I’ll never ever get to share with him and I just can’t put that hurt into words. I didn’t get to tell him about how I advocated for myself at work last summer and finally got a big raise, he won’t be there when I get married, I don’t get to share the progress on my house with him and it just fucking hurts. How are you supposed to keep going when your biggest supporter, the one that has always been there for you no matter what, is gone? I just feel like an empty husk of a person floating through every day, like I’m not really here, I’m just doing my best to go through the motions and not stand out. Where am I supposed to find a passion for life, when it just feels like nothing really matters? I know I need to change something, but I don’t even know where to begin. For now I will continue going through the motions, doing what I can to just get through one day at a time. I’ll try to allow myself to sit here and write more often. I’ll figure out my insurance situation so that I can afford therapy again. I’ll find a way to get out into the woods without a car. I feel next to no purpose in life, but the little bit I do feel is enough to keep me moving: make dad proud. Do whatever I can to keep going, because I know seeing me hurt this deeply would tear him apart. 

To end this on a lighter note: on my better days, I’ve been able to make some goals for myself. I want to find some activities that can bring me some joy. I started getting my backpacking gear together so that I can start doing that next summer. I think I want to give rock climbing a try, it looks like a really good way to get outside and also maybe make some friends. I have also mentally committed to doing a long distance thru hike by the time I am 30. I’ve been really fascinated by the Pacific Crest Trail for a few years, and I think I’m going to do it. It always felt like a fucking stupid pipe dream, but the more and more I think about it, the more attainable it seems. The more it seems like it is exactly what I need. The irony is that dad would absolutely fucking HATE the thought of me doing something like that, but at the end of the day I know he would be so proud. I just want to turn this hurt into something productive, and let this painful journey turn me into a better person.

[startanewdream]

goodnight kiss

there was this very cute post telling how Ginny kissing Harry goodnight is canon and this idea has been playing around in my mind for a while, so here's a missing moment set during Harry and Ginny's first days of relationship:

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The first time it happens, Harry thinks it's his fault for being too distracted.

They are in the Common Room and in an effort to prove that he isn't abandoning his best friends just because he is dating now—and a bit to set an example for Ron and Hermione, just in case—, Harry spends the evening finishing an essay with Hermione and then playing chess with Ron. And if his gaze keeps drifting to Ginny, well, he won't feel guilty about it.

She keeps winking at him every time she sees him, her concentrated face breaking into his favourite grin and it takes even more effort to not drop everything and go to her side. But he endures and he is really involved in his match by the time he feels her sweet flowery perfume; he turns at once.

Ginny gives him a bright smile, places a soft kiss that ends even before he registers the feeling of her lips, and waves at the other two.

"I can't keep my eyes open one second longer," she declares heavily. "See you tomorrow."

And then she is gone to her dormitory leaving only the trace of her scent and Harry can't stop the feeling that he must have done something wrong.

The thought slips from his mind until two days later, when it happens again. Ginny is standing against his legs, reading her notes, when she jumps to her feet, stretching her back lazily. "I think I'm gonna crash early today."

"History of Magic?" Harry guesses, eyeing her notes.

"What else?” A smirk blossoms at her lips. “Maybe tomorrow you could help me study something more interesting."

"I could help you now."

"Tempting," she admits unashamedly. "But I'm really tired and I'd rather keep my stamina for a happy Sunday tomorrow."

And Ginny winks at him, lowering her head enough to brush her lips against his—Harry opens his mouth, desperate to feel her taste, to pull her closer—but she is gone before he has the chance.

It bothers him.

The next night, after a very productive day—not for studies if studies are limited to subjects taught at Hogwarts, that's it—, when they are finally saying their goodbyes by the stairs to her dorm, Harry doesn’t leave it to chance.

He pulls her into his arms and even as his hands are cupping her face, fingers feeling the strands of her hair, his mouth captures her, tongue searching for a permission that she grants him at once, and then there is only her sweet taste and the feeling that Harry never found anywhere else but in her. A moan escapes her lips—a sound that Harry treasures each time he hears it—and when they break apart, at last, oblivious to the wolf-whistling in the room and a break of nervous giggles, her face is all flushed.

“Wow,” she whispers, beaming, her eyes the colour of melted chocolate. “What was that for?”

“A goodnight kiss,” he says, but it sounds more like a question.

“It’ll be really hard to sleep after this, but I appreciate it anyway.”

And then Ginny does it again—she kisses him softly, a peck he barely feels with the way his lips are still tingling after that perfect goodnight kiss, and she is gone.

What is he doing wrong?

The question keeps pounding on his mind all night and the following day. By then even Ron is noticing there is something wrong, but Harry can’t share his struggles with him. For one, Harry is sure Ron never faced the same trouble: he and Lavender only did full snog sessions. For two, it’s about Ginny. He can’t ask her brother what is wrong with his kiss.

Ginny finds him by lunchtime, meeting him in front of the Great Hall with a small basket and asking him if he doesn’t wanna have lunch with her on the grounds. Harry doesn’t miss the glance exchanged between Ginny and Hermione and this doesn’t help much.

Ginny waits until they are sitting by the shadow of their favourite tree to start it. “So, what’s bothering you?”

If it was anyone else, Harry would ignore it or divert the subject. But he doesn’t know anyone else but Ginny who would ask him directly like that and this is one of the things he most likes about her anyway, so his answer is truthful.

“Am I a bad kisser?”

Ginny blinks; whatever she was expecting, it clearly wasn’t this. “The amount of time I’ve spent kissing you for the last week shows that I think you’re a very good kisser,” she says slowly. “Where is this coming from?”

He pursues his lips. “You’re avoiding kissing me.”

Another blink. “Er… no?”

“At night at last.” Another of his concerns arise. “Is it bad breath? I can brush—”

“I like your breath,” she assures him at once. “I like everything about kissing you actually. In case it’s not obvious, which apparently isn’t.”

“You—you avoid snogging me at night. As in you give me this… this peck and then you are gone and—”

“That’s just a goodnight kiss, Harry,” she replies quietly. “We don’t have to turn every kiss into a makeout session—not that I’d mind, but also… I enjoy every kiss we share.” A frown marks her forehead suddenly. “Unless you’re not happy with them? I get it if you were hoping we’d have more moments, it’s just with classes and—”

“No, no.” Now another panic floods him. “Every moment we spend together it’s… like something I could never have even imagined. Or if I could—it’s better.”

She breathes slowly. “Good. Because I swear even a little peck just makes me… sparkle.”

“Sparkle?”

A blush spreads across her face but Ginny looks resolute. “Yeah, let me try to show you. Close your eyes—and don’t move.”

He obeys her diligently, closing his eyes and standing still even as he feels the shadow of her face over his. And then he feels her lips over his very gently, tugging at his lower lip, then upper lip; he never really appreciated before how soft her mouth feels as he stands there, feeling their brush. Then she places a soft kiss at the corner of his mouth, the touch sending shivers down his body as effectively as when they are fully kissing.

“Oh,” he whispers when he opens his eyes to find her staring at him nervously. “I see sparkles.”

A beam draws away any worry from her face.

Later that night, Harry finds Ginny exchanging Charms notes with her colleagues.

“You’ll be staying up?” he asks, glancing at her watch. It’s almost midnight.

“We’re almost finishing the revision for Fourth Grade spells.”

“Do you want me to wait for you?”

“No, go rest. I’m fine. We can meet for breakfast tomorrow.”

“I’d like that,” he agrees, smiling, and Ginny turns briefly to him, sharing a quick kiss—her mates giggle, still unused to them, but Harry hopes to win them over with time.

“Good dreams.”

He is sure he will dream about her, but Harry feels this is not the moment to disclose this information. Instead, he just nods. “And you too.”

And for good measure, he lowers his head to place a soft kiss on her cheek, admiring how the blood flushes there as if attracted to his mouth. Harry smiles to himself. Perhaps he can start his own goodnight kiss tradition.

[miekasa]

mie….could we please get college au eren headcanons👉🏽👈🏽

Of course. I’m always thinking about his big head anyway <33 might as well put it good use.

One thing he learned in college is how to make his hyperfocus/fixation episodes work for him; that’s why he schedules all his classes as close together as possible. He’d rather have class back to back for 5 hours, than have it spread out with hours in between lectures, because that increases his changes of cutting.

You can always tell when he’s in class and/or what class he’s in by how much he responds to your messages. If he doesn’t text back at all, he’s in a class that hard or one he enjoys, or both. But if he’s sending you iMessage games, then you know he’s in his elective that he couldn’t care else about (and is probably cheating in someway somehow lmfao). 

He usually puts his phone on dnd when he’s in a class that’s important, but you’re in his favorite contacts, so your messages always ring through. What if it’s an emergency and you need him for something? Advanced Roots of Human Biology can wait. 

Some days there are one or two our breaks between his lectures, that’s just how the scheduling works out. When that happens, he usually sneaks into one of your lectures, or goes to your place to take a nap. Your roommates have become accustomed to him, honestly they’ve been considering giving him a key. 

Once, he didn’t realize that your lecture was basically a seminar, with you, the prof and maybe six other students. He still stayed lmao, and the prof was so amazed by his dedication, that she didn’t even mind. Occasionally, you’ll catch the two of them talking after lecture. It’s pretty cute the way she’s adopted him into the class even tho he’s not on the roster. 

You... have to show him where the library is lmfao. He genuinely has not stepped foot in one until you bring him to one. He likes it tho lmao once he gets used to it. 

Speaking of which, do not give him standard directions to find your classes on campus because all you’ll get is, “Babe, I’m gonna keep it real with you, I’ve never heard of the ‘West Quad’ a day in my life. What building are you near.”

He usually comes to see you in the library after all his lectures are done for the day. Sometimes he does homework, sometimes he’s just fucking around on his computer, sometimes he’s just bothering you. When you have to leave to go to class, he stays behind to watch your stuff so you don’t have to pack everything up and come back. 

Very protective when it comes to keeping your seat for you. No, you cannot take that chair to your table you good for nothing freshman; it’s reserved for you. 

He’ll drag you out of the library if you’ve been cooped up all day, tho. Eren will use his height and his strength against you to get you up. Placates you with kisses when he sees your angry expression, and promises to buy you food.

He takes your backpack for you when you’re walking together,m. His backpack is frustratingly light all the time, even during midterms. You swear all he’s got in there is a pencil and some flashcards. 

If you have night classes, he sticks around to walk you home after, especially in the winter when it gets dark faster. If he’s not already on campus, he’ll walk/drive back to meet you; he just doesn’t like you going home alone. Even if your friend/roommate is in the class with you, Eren will walk or drive the both of you home for his own sanity. 

He plays sports, so he usually has practice most evenings, but he’ll find a way to make time. If practice was particularly brutal, he’ll probably crash at your place.

He loves it when you come to meet him after practice. His whole face lights up and he waves obnoxiously, before he gathers up his stuff and all but sprints towards you. You get a cold water bottle to the face, or a bit of water splashed on you usually, which he takes immense amusement in. 

He knows it’s not possible for you to make it to all of his games, and usually it doesn’t bother him much; you’ve got your own life, and work to worry about. All he asks is that you wear his jersey, or any item of his sports apparel/merch on game day (he’s partial to hoodies).

By the time junior year rolls around, he’s not all that interested in attending parties that aren’t hosted by your friends; so, unless it’s at Connie, Jean, or Reiner and Bertholdt’s place, Eren will usually decline. Even team parties, he’s not crazy about unless it’s to celebrate a championship or something. He’d much rather celebrate with you. 

He does get excited about hosting parties though, and he and Jean become pretty damn good co-hosts. They don’t throw ragers, and that’s probably why Eren likes it so much. It’s usually your friend group and a couple plus ones, some good music, games, weed, and take-out. 

He’ll buy you coffee whenever you ask for it. The first time, he just orders something plain, not really knowing the difference between anything; but give it two or three tries, and he’ll get it perfect. He becomes so good that he can order you something new/different and you’ll love it. 

That’s kind of the start of his own coffee addiction, and more often than not, when he buys you a cup, he’s on his second or third of the day himself. The flavor has really grown on him, okay. 

He much prefers your apartment, but on occasion, he’ll ask you to come to his. You’ve been studying for so long, a change of environment should do you good, he claims. He’s a fucking liar tho because that’s all Eren Talk for “I do genuinely want you to come over, but my plans are to coerce you out of doing your assignments and doing me instead.”

Lmfao he adds you on Apple Watch Rings just so you can see him close his rings every day and laugh at you. Even if yours get closed by virtue of walking around campus or working out or whatever, his numbers are stupidly high because he fucking has practice at least 4 days of the week. 

Of course when you’re running on a soccer field for 2 hours every day, you close your Move Ring five times, Eren. Leave the rest of us alone. 

He buys you guys matching accessories for your keychains. It’s something pretty cute, and slightly random, but it reminded him of you. It also serves as a reminder to himself to take his fucking keys with him when he leaves his house. 

He sleeps like a fucking rock, so do not let him fall asleep in the library. Waking him up is a mission, and he’s never happy to be woken up. He looks kinda cute tho. 

He schedules dates for you and his friends. Usually by accident, but hear me out. Sometimes he’ll make plans with Armin, then forget that he has class or a test or something; so his solution is to text you, “hey, i forgot min and i were supposed to go some aquarium tomorrow but i have a midterm so here’s the pdf of my ticket, go with him for me, thanks babe love u” then, boop, you and Armin have an aquarium date Friday evening. 

The same thing happens with Mikasa, though, she usually catches the scheduling conflict before Eren does, and invites you out herself. You and Mikasa hang out quite a bit anyway, so it comes to the point where she tells you when she’s gonna hang out with Eren, so you can make yourself free for when he inevitably remember he has a game that day. 

Mikasa is most amazed that you’ve put up with Eren this long lmao. You’ve certainly lessened her Eren & Armin babysitting hours, and for that she’s eternally grateful. Also, she’s just happy to have another close friend. She loves Eren and Armin, but they’re not the most social beings, and she was literally their only friend besides the other for all their childhood PLEASE she’s so happy you’re around. 

It’s Mikasa, however, who babysits you and Eren whenever you both get too drunk. Says you guys are two peas in a pod (affectionate<2)

If you tell Eren something important that happened, like an internship you got, or a good grade in a class, or something, he usually relays that information to his mom pls. He texts her every day, and if she doesn’t ask for an update on you first, he gives her one.

Carla calls you sometimes, too. At least once every few weeks, just to check on you herself. She really likes you for Eren, and is grateful someone is willing to put up with her hotheaded son. 

Eren’s always using your fucking chapstick. Always. You know he has his own, so why he needs to use yours is beyond you. Finds time to make some dumbass comment about how it’s an “indirect kiss” every time he uses it too. Like bro, we’re dating, and have had many direct kisses why are you like this.

He posts on Instagram every few weeks or so, but you’re on his story every few days. Usually, it’s just a video of you minding your business and doing your work while Eren slowly zooms in before making some loud noise to surprise you, all so he can get your reaction on video and laugh at it. He’s annoying. 

He’s a bit of a copycat when it comes to the products you use. He’ll buy the same brand of pens as you (for that matter, all of his school supplies mirror yours because what does he know about the difference between A4 and A5 notebooks?), put a little hand sanitizer on his backpack like yours (and a lotion, too, for good measure), he even copies your Starbucks order until he finds one he likes for himself. It’s one of his love languages <3

If you’re wondering where your eyelash curler went, Eren stole it to try it on himself, hurt himself, vowed to never use it again, went back because he wanted to “do it right and not give up,” liked the results when he didn’t pinch his eyelid, and now it’s his. 

That being said, stop trying to put your Fenty lipgloss on him, it’s never going to happen. Eye makeup, maybe, only if you sit in his lap and he can have his hands on your ass while you do it. 

What he does love is letting you do his skincare. He will set aside dedicated skincare nights, he adores it. Easily one of his favorite things ever. 

You have his wallet. Not because he’s your sugar daddy or anything (although, if you want something, he’d definitely let you use his card to get it; and even if you bought something without asking, he wouldn’t think twice about it), but because he put it in your bag once and never took it out. 

When you tried to give it back, he just shook his head and told you to keep it, “I have my ID in my phone case anyway, and you’re less likely to lose it. Plus I put all my cards on Apple Pay, so I’m good.”

When you do make it to a game of his, he’s all over you when it’s over. Not in a cocky athlete boyfriend kind of way; in a very sleepy boyfriend kind of way. He’s usually got ice on at least one part of his body, and he’s got half his body weight on you as you walk to the car. 

By the time you guys get back to your place, he’s practically sleep walking. The only thing on his mind is taking a hot shower to soothe his muscles, and heading to bed. The aftermath of game days aren’t all that bad though, because even if you didn’t show, you’re always there to kiss him when he’s home and massage his shoulders, and cuddle him to sleep; and that’s his favorite part. 

[ms-starflower]

Young Survivors — Maribat

It’s almost four am here, I just finished writing this and am just tired enough to actually go through and post it. And this title is the only thing my tired brain could come up with. Anyway. I haven't posted something I wrote in years, but all the Maribat I’ve read recently made me want to write something for it.

I don’t know if I’m ever going to write a 2 part, but if I do it’s definitely going to be Timari and contain a couple of typical Maribat tropes. And a pinch of salt.

Also, disclaimer: I haven't watched Miraculous in years and most of my DC knowlege come from fanfic or tumblr so... sorry not sorry.

Now with a part 2!

Next >

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mei Leyton’s oldest memories were of her mother, dolled up in pretty dresses and elegant makeup. In her daughter‘s eyes, Margaret Leyton was the most beautiful woman on earth.

For as long as she could remember, Mei would sit on the bed and watch as her mom would get ready to head to work. She had always loved those moments with her mom.

(How do I look, my little flower,” she said, twirling around Mei with a grin, making her laugh. It was Margaret’s favorite dress, a vintage halter blue dress with white accents and a white bow around the waist.

“Like a princess, mommy! The prettiest princess ever!”

“Oh no, no no no. You are the prettiest princess ever, my little flower.”)

She was four when her mother let her help for the first time, letting her pass along brushes and products. It’s then that she understood what were the purple marks on her mother that she covered with her makeup.

(“Life is not fair to us, my little flower,” she had said when Mei asked about it for the first time. “Being an orphan and pretty little girl in Gotham isn’t safe, and it doesn’t give much choice when it comes to survival.”

Mei didn’t understand then, but it didn’t matter anyway, life would make her understand soon enough.)

When Mei was seven, the GCPD found her mother’s body.

When she didn’t see her that morning, Mei hadn’t been worried; it wasn’t the first time. Mom would be home by noon, she always was. Until that day.

(The investigation wouldn’t get very far, it was just another prostitute of Camellia street, nobody cared about them. They were just there until they weren’t anymore.

Another girl would take her place in a couple of days. It was how those kinds of things worked in Gotham.)

That day was kind of blurry in her memory. She remembers being pulled out of class in the morning, and that the cop that told her about her mother’s death was very rude.

(“Your mom is dead, kid. A lad found her body in a dumpster this morning,” the guy had said as soon as she had sat down in the headmistress’ office. “Do you know who she worked for? Or on what side of the Camellia she stayed?” He had asked, halfheartedly.

Mei had shaken her head, even though she did; you don’t talk to cops in Gotham, mom always says said that it was the easiest way to get yourself killed, for people like them.

“Alright,” he had said, not surprised. “A social worker is going to pick you up in a bit to take you to your new home, kid.”

With that he had walked out of the office, not looking back. As if where she would end up was going to be home.)

She remembers that the social worker from CPS was a brunette with tan skin, and looked really overworked, but had a kind smile.

By the end of the day, she was taken to Elliot's Hall for Children, an overcrowded, understaffed orphanage with more kids than they could realistically care for.

(They don’t care for the children, they just put them there for a while and act as they do. Most children leave after a couple of days, and if they don’t, they get taken anyway.

Some come back with a police escort, some manage to survive in the streets, and nobody talks about the ones that are never seen again.

You don’t work there because you love children, and if you do, you don’t last for very long.)

Mei wasn’t stupid, her mother told her stories about those kinds of places. She came from those kinds of places, and Mei saw how the man in charge here had looked at her when the social worker dropped her off.

She wasn’t going to just stand here and wait for him to sell her back in Camellia street. Or worse, to the Candy Dealers.

Taking with her what she absolutely couldn’t leave behind, Mei made a choice her mother hadn’t been able to and took her chance with the streets.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mei was a Camellia kid and, as such, took to the streets easier than most newcomers. She had picked up a few tricks from her aunties and her mom, and it helped her to survive out here.

The only (glaring) differences were the absence of her mother, the lack of a permanent roof above her head, and the fact that she had to provide food and money herself now.

(One of her favorite places to pick up wallets was Gotham Academy, where Gotham’s rich send their children. The kids always had money on them, and it’s not like they would miss it.

Though she couldn’t go too many times in a row, not without risking being spotted and remembered.)

She had been on the streets for two months when she met Jason Todd; the boy who would become her family.

She heard him before she saw him, to be honest. It was an awful crashing noise coming from around the corner, and it made her look.

He was running like the devil was after him, and judging by how the cops running behind him were clutching their batons, she wasn’t that far from the truth.

The noises were because of a couple of trash cans the boy had spilled in their way to slow them down.

And he was coming her way.

Against her better judgment, she grabbed his arm when he passed in front of her, and pulled him behind her into her hideout. Quickly getting the plank of wood back in place, she put her hand on his mouth before he could say anything. With the dumpster in the alley, the entry was almost invisible from outside.

They stayed there as they heard the men pass in front of their hiding place, listening as they argued about where the boy could have disappeared before their voices faded completely.

They waited another couple of minutes before he removed the hand she still had on his mouth and crawled out of there.

“Thanks,” he muttered with a scowl. “I woulda’ve been just fine without help but… yeah, anyway.” Then he had started to walk in the direction he came from.

“Hey! Wait!” She said before she could think about it. “Are ya just gonna, like, go? Just like that?”

“Huh, yeah? What do ya want me to do?” He asked, looking back at her from above his shoulder without stopping his walk. “Stay to drink a cup of tea and talk about the weather?”

“Well.. no. But I just… I just wanna talk a bit, ya know?” She couldn’t really explain why she didn’t want him to leave yet, it’s not like he was the first street kid she had helped out. He just felt different, and somehow she knew he could become important to her.

“Yeah, right,” he scoffed before turning his head back to look forward. “The streets are not some daycare for princesses who want to make friends, kid.”

“Kid— hey, dumbass, you’re, like, ten years old! You’re a kid too! And I’m not a princess, I can survive alone just fine!” Before she knew it, she was walking behind him, the weird feeling forgotten for the offence his comment created. He looked back at her with a frown, before choosing to ignore her. Not letting that deter her, she rambled at him about all the ways why she wasn’t a kid any more than him.

“I thought you could survive alone?” He said, talking over her, when he realized that she wasn’t going to let him be.

“I can.”

“So why are ya following me? Tryin’ to drive me crazy?”

“Well, no. It’s just... that I can do it doesn't mean I want to.”

“Look, kid,” he said, ignoring her protest and talking over her, again. “You should just go back to whatever orphanage you came from, there is probably some nice little family who's gonna pick you up. Then you could make all the friends you want.”

“Like people actually adopt kids in this city. This is Gotham, you dummy, not ‘Annie’. Some rich white guy isn’t going to come and pick up children from the streets to make them live the Grand life.”

“Yeah, okay, whatever,” he growled out without pausing in his steps. “Still, you’re pretty enough, I’m sure some nice people would adopt you in a second if you let them.”

“Yeah, sure. Mom thought the same when she was a kid, and guess what? She started working on Camellia street when she was fourteen, but nobody asked her if she wanted to. Because she was pretty enough,” the little seven years old spat with venom, her eyes narrowed. The boy stopped walking, turning toward her with eyes wide, like a deer caught in headlights. “Her best friend wasn’t, but mom said that she had the prettiest green eyes ever. When they found her body, she didn’t have eyes anymore, because some rich person paid to have pretty green eyes.”

“I— I didn’t—” he stuttered, eyes wide. With his scowl gone he looked so much younger, and Mei’s anger subdued. He wasn’t that much older than her, just a couple of years, maybe three or four, after all.

“It’s… okay, I guess. It’s Gotham. I just thought we both would have more chances to survive if we helped each other out. And, ya know, the company wouldn’t be so bad.”

“Whatever,” he mumbled, but when they resumed walking he slowed down enough to let her walk beside him without almost-running.

“Great! So, Annie, where are we going now?” She said with a beaming smile, bursting into laughter at his indignation and protest against the nickname.

(“Can’t you stop calling me Annie already?! I told you my name’s Jason!”

“Nope, Annie.”

“Well, then, that makes you Sandy, doesn't it? Ya do follow me around like a stray puppy.”

“I’m not a dog— wait, hold on a minute! I knew you saw the movie! You liar!”)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was ten when her life was put upside down once again, in the worst of ways.

It took practically no time before Jason “Annie” Todd became her brother in all but blood, it took longer for Jason to admit it, and they spend almost three years surviving together, barring the occasional trip back to the Children's Houses.

Though, they always found each other a couple of days after they escaped from those places.

Sometimes, Jason would plan something that he needed to do alone. Because of course, he did.

(“It’s the best job, my plan is perfect. Don’t worry, it’s gonna be great Sandy!”

“Yeah, and why can’t I come?”

“It’s too dangerous! Plus, you need to stay here and keep our things safe!”

“Yeah, if you say so, Annie.”)

That day was one of those days.

He was gone for less than an hour when they found her.

The Candy Dealers.

Mei paled when she saw them, wearing their nice suits and overly sweet smile. They told her they were social workers, specializing in homeless children, and offered her a lollipop. Social workers in Gotham don’t give candy to the kids, even the nice ones, and she knew from her time in Camellia street that the lollipop was drugged.

(“Never, ever, take candy from a Candy Dealer, Mei. Do you understand me? Never,” her mother told her gravely. “They put bad stuff in them, and if you put it in your mouth, they will take you away from me. I couldn’t live without you in my life, my little flower.”)

She tried to run, even before the first one got his hand totally outstretched toward her. But her panic made her stumble, and she was no match for them.

She tried to kick, and scream, and bite, but soon she felt a pinch in her neck, and everything was black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next period of her life was one she tried very hard to forget. For months she was moved, her and dozens of other people, from containers to containers, warehouse to warehouse. Twice they were put in a boat, the containers staying closed for so long, the next time she saw the moonlight, it burned her eyes.

She quickly learned that it was pointless to try to escape (and that Jason wouldn’t come and save her).

Then, one night, the place they were at was illuminated with blue and red lights and the police sirens were so loud, they drowned everything else.

She didn’t let herself hope, though. (She did, she hoped so hard her chest hurt.)

They (probably) weren’t in Gotham anymore, but her childhood didn’t instill her much trust in the police.

They did get them out. And she learned that they were in Paris now. In France. (That was a long way from Gotham.)

There were twenty-seven other people with her in the container. Four of which were kids, and only one other was also an orphan. They weren’t placed together, though. Because the kid had family back where he came from. Unlike her. (She had Jason. He was her family, but they didn’t listen.)

The French social workers took a while to know what to do with her exactly, but they didn’t want to send her back to Gotham (why not? She wanted to go back and find Jason!). So, in the meantime, they placed her in a foster family—one without any other kid, as per her therapist's advice. (The therapist didn’t know anything. She said Gotham wasn’t good for her, but Jason was in Gotham.)

Funnily enough, it ended up being a more permanent solution than previously considered, because the foster parents, Tom and Sabine, quickly fell in love with the little girl.

Not before long, Mei Leyton became Marinette Dupain-Cheng. (They changed her name to give her a ‘new beginning’ because her therapist thought it would be good for her. She didn’t want to have a ‘new beginning', she wanted to go back, to find Jason, to be the Sandy to his Annie. She was Mei, the Camellia’s kid, Sandy, the street’s kid and it was enough for her. She didn’t want to be Marinette, the bakers’ kid.)

So, when Mei was first put into the care of the Dupain-Cheng household, she regularly tried to run away. It was unsurprisingly harder than in Gotham, though. Tom and Sabine were way more attentive than Elliot Hall’s staff ever was, and more than a third of her tentatives were folded even before she was past the front door.

It took her three months (and forty-three unsuccessful tentatives) before she finally accepted that there would be no way for her to go back to Gotham. (Not that she had known how she would manage to do that before, her plan never got that far.) It took another six months before Tom and Sabine trusted her enough to let her wander the neighborhood alone.

The first thing she did the day her ‘new parents’ let her go to the library alone was to get to a public computer, and look Jason up. She didn’t really think she would find anything when she typed Jason Todd and Gotham in Google that day (maybe an obituary). She definitely didn't think she would find her best friend (brother) on the covers of so many tabloids declaring that he was Bruce Wayne’s ward.

She didn’t know how she should feel about the fact that he proved her wrong and became some real-life Annie. She wanted to feel angry, or hurt. Even more so when she realised that Wayne adopted him not even a full week after her (kidnapping) departure from Gotham, but…

But seeing Jason in the pictures… He looked so angry. Angrier than she ever saw him. And hurt. There was hurt hidden in his expression. It was well hidden but she could see it. (She did that, she was the one that hurted him. He probably thought she left him. That she wasn’t any better than his deadbeat of a father and abandoned him. What if he hates her now, because she was gone for so long?)

She needed to go back to Gotham, find him, and explain everything. She needed to tell him she didn’t want to leave him behind, that he was her family, and that it would never change. But Tom and Sabine didn’t want to take her back there, not before she was older, because she wasn’t ready yet, they said.

She didn’t care, though. No matter how long it would take her, she was going to go back. So, she slowly started to act like the perfect little girl. She didn’t really change, she just stopped bringing up Gotham so much, started to help more often in the house and at the bakery, and started to call Tom and Sabine Papa and Maman. (It wasn’t real, at first. But then, they just crawled into her heart against her will and became family. They didn’t replace her Mom or Jason, though. Nobody ever will.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

She started to heal. Slowly, without even realising. She opened up to a couple of children at her school, made friends with Nino, and sort of Frenemies (more enemy than friend, though) with Chloé Bourgeois. She picked up hobbies like sewing and designing, baking with Tom, or learning various martial arts with Sabine.

But she didn’t forget, going back to Gotham was still her ultimate goal. Until the news reached her, when she was twelve.

Jason Todd was dead.

Her best friend, her brother in everything but blood, her Annie. Dead. Jason was dead.

She felt like a part of her died with him, reading the words but not really processing. She let herself drown in her grief, closing up to everyone around her. Surprisingly, Chloé was the one that made her react. Literally slapping her to make her come back from the dead. (Not entirely, though. Mei, the Gothamite part of her, stayed dead with Jason. Only Marinette, the nice little parisian, came back.)

“I don’t really know what’s up with you, Dupain-Cheng,” she had said while Marinette cradled her sore cheek, her faux-contempt badly hiding her worry. “But you need to put yourself together. Tormenting you is no fun if you don’t react to it, and people are too worried for you to be afraid of me. Don’t make me call daddy on you.”

“I…” She had started, only to stop herself. She had looked back at Nino and Kim, both of whom were looking at her with poorly concealed worry. “Yeah, sorry Chloé.”

She pulled herself out of the worst of it after that, at the obvious relief of the people around her. None of which even knew why she was in this state. She still cried herself to sleep most nights, and sometimes felt like someone gouged out her heart with their bare hands, but she also started to let herself think of the good times. Started to let herself feel the good things happening around her, in the present.

Then, she saved the life of an old man, found magic earrings and a bug-mouse-kwami in her room that told her that she needed to become a hero and save Paris.

She thought of her big brother, of how he would always protect her when someone tried to rob them. Hide her, before even thinking of himself, when the cops would chase them down, trying to bring them back to Elliot's Hall. Give her all the food when they couldn’t get enough for the both of them. How he was a hero. Her Hero. And, really, there was only one thing she could say to that.

“Tikki, spots on!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

So. That's it. That was fun. I'm going to sleep now, goodnight.

Btw, Jason's super plan that day was totaly to steal the Batmobile's tires.

[sinswithpleasure]

The Playgirl (ft. LOONA's Yves) [Part 1] [Female Reader]

---------------

This was supposed to be a lengthy oneshot, but I wanna have it out as I write, so... here's Part 1! Just so you know, it's futa!Yves, but I won't really mention it until at least Part 3.

Also, this is entirely female reader!

Can be found on AFF and AO3!

---------------

Everyone knows of Ha Sooyoung.

Most know her by her preferred name Yves, but it is the same either way—the people still have her deeply imprinted in the recesses of their minds. After all, who doesn't know of the campus fuckgirl that only goes for girls?

You are no exception to having knowledge of Sooyoung. After all, she is your seatmate for every class you had, and while she is regularly absent, she is a regular hindrance when present. During lectures, she likes to fling paper balls at unsuspecting classmates, flirt with any female classmate or TA, or play games on her mobile phone loudly. The fact that she is your seatmate only makes it worse, considering she has her feet on the table most of the time.

Now you have to tutor her. The bane of your existence. Ha Sooyoung. Yves. Tutor. Tutor her.

Your look of disbelief meeting your professor's determined gaze melts into a sigh of resignation. You know that no amount of whining or pouting would result in a win for you—Yves had the poorest performance, barely scraping through any of her tests, whereas you aced every test given during your course of study. It would only be natural for you to be tutoring her.

Yves flashes a smirk and wink from the front row of the lecture theatre, giving you a two-fingered salute as the professor leaves.

"Hey, babygirl. Guess you're my new tutor."

"Hi." You cannot help but let bitterness seep into your tone, but you bite down on the bullets you wish to fire.

"You don't seem that happy."

"No, but it's fine. Let's get down to business."

"Uh-uh, not today. I've got a party to get to. How about this, give me your phone."

You hesitantly pass her your phone, and she enters her number in.

"Call me." She flashes another smirk and a wink, pushing her hair back. The phone in your hand displays 'yves 💘'.

-----

When you call Yves, you hear more of the chatter in the background than her voice. However, she is still audible, and that is all you need.

"Hello?"

"Sooyoung. I'll tutor you beginning tomorrow."

"Oh, it's you, babygirl. Sure, see you after class?"

Huh. That was easy.

"Good, please bring along the Calculus textbook—"

Indistinct chatter rings across the line, and you vaguely hear the crowd chanting "Drink! Drink! Drink!" before Yves's voice cuts through the line again.

"Sorry, babygirl, I've got to jet. I ain't gonna win this game of beer pong talkin' to you. See you tomorrow."

Before you can even say anything, the call is cut. You take a deep breath, deciding to let it go. Maybe this would be the only time. After all, innocent until proven guilty, right?

With a long exhale, you throw yourself back into whatever work you were doing.

---------------

When Yves appears after class, she staggers into the classroom, clutching her head.

"Fuck, I shouldn't have drank that much last night."

She crashes on the chair next to you, immediately folding her arms on the table, resting her head on it. Her eyes open blearily when you request for her to take her Calculus textbook out.

"I didn't bring it."

You halt, frustration beginning to build.

"I thought I told you to bring it."

"Well, babygirl, I forgot. Looks like we can't do this today then." Yves rises, staggering towards the door. Repeated calls of her name fall on her deaf ears as she rounds the corner and disappears.

You take a deep breath. Tomorrow.

-----

[You sent a message:]

Yves

Tomorrow, after class.

[yves💘 sent a message:]

Hey babygirl

I've got a party tomorrow.

[You sent a message:]

You're ditching your grades for a party?

A party in the afternoon?

[yves💘 sent a message:]

Come on, live a little, it's fun to cut loose!

Yeah, I need to go set it up.

Wanna come?

[You sent a message:]

I'd rather spend my time productively, thank you. I expect to see you after class. The same place.

-----

Yves is absent again from class. Naturally, she is absent from the tutoring session. Every call you make to her goes unanswered throughout the afternoon.

You hate this. It wasn't as if tutoring her was a choice you made—the professor shunted the task to you, even after all your protests and reasoning for why you shouldn't take the job. The impression that she gives off already isn't anything good, and the fact that she actively is wasting your time only pisses you off even more.

The fact that Yves is your seatmate only adds to the frustration. Her shoes are all up in your face, the sounds of her games in your ears, her paper balls all over your table. Everything she did just pissed you off.

When you reach home, you immediately drop a call to Yves. Three rings of the phone is all it takes before she picks up the phone.

"Hey babygirl."

"Don't babygirl me. Where were you this afternoon?"

"I told you, I had a party."

"So you choose to waste my time?"

"Sorry, babe." The lack of sincerity is evident in her voice. "This is clearly more fun."

"You prioritize fun over your grades? Are you trying to fail?"

"Yo, yo, chill, chill! Cut me some slack! Take it easy. I've got time!"

"The final exams are less than half a year away."

"Precisely." Yves's smirk can be heard through the phone. "I have time."

"I don't. Stop wasting my time. Come tomorrow."

"Oh, fiery. Just my type." Yves chuckles, before she pisses you off even further. "I'll see you, just not tomorrow."

"Why not?"

"I'll be busy nursing my hangover. Ciao." The call is cut.

You growl in frustration, squeezing the pen in your hand tightly. How easily she dismisses you only serves to fuel your anger. How could someone give no shits about their future?

Yves was basically the opposite of what you stood for. To you, school was an obligation—something necessary in order to move forward and succeed. This meant that people had to possess the responsibility to keep to this commitment so they could succeed in life. The future is uncertain, so you should make every effort to ensure that you can forge a path that is as certain as it can be.

Yves, however, treated school like a waste of time. To be out having fun mattered more—life and the future is uncertain, so if she could afford the time to live in the moment, then she would take the time to. Why pressure oneself to engineer perfection when imperfection is how the world runs?

This was a constant argument between the both of you when Yves was present in school. On the days she came, you had to fight to pay attention to your professor since the both of you would argue. You hated having to defend your point of view against her, since she was deeply set in her contrasting view. You hate how carefree she is. How is it that someone can live without worrying that much?

When you let your vision focus, you take a deep breath and go back to your work.

---------------

You are ten minutes early for class. Chatter fills the classroom as per usual. When you reach your seat, your ears perk up at a familiar name.

"... you hear Yves took her home last night?"

"... sex … fucked her the whole night … best time of her life …"

You scowl. Even when she wasn't present, you had to hear about her, and even worse, her womanizing and hedonistic lifestyle. Who cares about her?

"Good morning, babygirl."

The bane of your existence appears before your very eyes, leaning over your desk with her signature smirk. You give her a glare, but not before you fail to resist checking her out.

Yes, she is admittedly hot. But insufferable. But hot. Facts are facts.

Her hair slicked back, check. Leather jacket, check. Fishnets and crop top fitting her… appealing chest, check. Tight pants that fit her figure, check. Fuck, she looks so good.

"My eyes are up here." Yves pushes your head up to meet her gaze with a finger. The smug smirk on her face makes you want to slap it off her. "If you want me, all you have to do is ask."

"Why're you here?"

"Someone who places such importance in school doesn't want her seatmate present? I'm hurt, babe."

"Fuck off. Don't touch me." You shift away from her touch, and Yves grins.

"I came to see you, my favourite tutor. You're interesting."

"Put that interest in your studies."

"No, I don't think I will, not when you're this pretty."

You try to fight the blush that appears on your face, but it seems that you fail—Yves's cocky grin only gets bigger when she reclines in her chair, resting her feet on the table.

This is your second year with Yves as a seatmate. The girl next to you somehow managed to scrape past first year, and now here she is, staring at you with an amused smirk, annoying you just as she had since Day 1.

"Y'know, I mean it when I say you're pretty."

"Thank you." You grit your teeth, though how red your face remains betrays your hidden feelings. After all, girls don't really compliment you that often, let alone a hot one like Yves is.

"Mm, you're welcome." Yves smiles, resting her head on her chair. "I'll depend on your tutoring, babygirl. Goodnight."

"You're going to sleep?"

"Yep. I'll just listen attentively to you later, cutie."

"I would prefer it if you paid attention now."

"What, and stare at the prof's ugly mug? Why would I do that when I can take the time to stare at your beautiful face instead?"

"Fuck off."

"Ooh, you kiss your mother with that mouth?" Yves's grin shows how little offense she takes at your rebuttal. "I like you, baby."

You decide to ignore Yves. Ignore how she easily infuriates you. Ignore how hot she is. Ignore the compliments that make heat rise from your cheeks and neck.

Insufferable.

-----

Yves takes a long time to rise from her slumber. You try to shake her, but Yves remains steadfastly asleep on her chair.

"Yves. Wake up."

"Mmnnngggh."

"Wake up, wake up."

"Five more minutes."

"No." You heave a sigh. "Wake. Up."

"Fine, fine, babygirl. You're such a killjoy."

"Do not 'babygirl' me. Let's start."

You pull out your Calculus textbook. Yves halfheartedly pulls hers out as well, and you flip both books to a summary exercise.

"Do these. I need to know your current ability."

"Only because you're pretty, babygirl." Yves picks up her pen, beginning to work on the questions.

-----

"How are you getting all these wrong?"

Your tutee shrugs, leaning back on her chair. "Who cares?"

"I do! You're going to fail."

"Aw babygirl, you do care about me."

"Shut the fuck up. There's so much work I need to do with you."

"Meh, whatever." Yves stretches in her chair, leaning back to close her eyes. "Do your magic, tutor. Teach me."

"Fine. Let's begin."

-----

Both you and Yves part ways at the gate of the campus. After a tense session involving multiple arguments when Yves used more of her phone than to attempt learning anything you were teaching, or when she started to look up girls on Tinder, you gave up and halted the session.

"See you soon, babygirl."

"Fuck you."

"Anytime, babe. You just have to ask."

"Fuck off."

"Calm down. It's not like we don't have time."

"We don't."

"Not with that attitude."

"Fuck your attitude."

Yves only grins when she hears your reply.

---------------

Another tutoring session, another Yves absence. This time, when you call her, you're met with the obscene sounds of Yves engaging in sexual intercourse.

"Hey babygirl."

"Yves. Where are—huh?"

Wet smacks echo loudly through the speaker on your phone. Someone moans on the other side. Regular thumps ring through your speakers.

"I'm a little busy now, baby."

"Wha—what the fuck?"

"As you can hear, I'm busy fucking someone. Bye."

The dial tone that enters your ears almost makes you smash your phone on the table to pieces. You instead settle on smashing your fist against the table instead.

This is the last straw.

-----

The next time you see Yves, you pin her against the wall. Taken by surprise, Yves finds herself in a position she usually puts others into. Smirking, she relents.

"Didn't take you to be so forward."

"This is the last fucking time I'm taking your shit. I've had it with your constant excuses about parties, or whatever. Now, you choose to go fuck some bitch even when you know you have stuff to do. I'm fucking done. I quit."

"Come on, don't be like that, baby." Yves's cocky grin widens. "Maybe I need some more motivation."

"If having your life planned out isn't motivating enough, nothing will work."

"Oh, but I had this wonderful idea…"

You resist taking the bait, but having Yves pinned against the wall fucks with your judgement.

"What?"

Today, Yves is clad in all black leather. Whatever she's wearing doesn't catch your eye—the fact that your face is so close to Yves's flusters you. The same slicked back hair, scarlet lipstick across her kissable lips, a cocky glint in her eye, catching your gaze before traveling down to your lips, then below…

"I've seen the way you look at me, babygirl. You say you hate me, but all I see in your eyes is lust right now. You want me so bad, don't you?"

"Sh-shut the fuck up." You curse at the slight stutter.

"So how about this? I'll be the best student you'll ever have, and if I ace the exams at the end of the year… hmm."

Yves lets her voice trail off, knowing she has your full attention.

"What the fuck do you want?'

"If I ace the exams, I get to fuck you."

You cannot believe your ears.

"What?"

"I said what I said. I'll be the best student you'll have. I'll ace the exams. And when I do, you'll sleep with me."

"Why the fuck would I say yes to that?"

In an instant, Yves flips you around. Your back is now against the wall, your arms held against your will, held down by Yves's grip. Yves leans in.

"Because you think I'm hot."

You subconsciously lean in when you feel her hot breath on your lips, and Yves leans in as well. Something soft presses against your lips. Instantly, she is off you, smirking.

"See you around babygirl. Don't think about me too much."

So you agree.

[onlyfreds]

He's a Simp | F.W.

Title: He's a Simp

Requested: Yes/No

Summary: Fred is a simp when it comes to Hogwart's most popular girl: Y/N L/N

A/N: This is absolutely the first time that I wrote the whole fic through Fred's POV.

(Fred’s POV)

“Finally!” George said as he hopped off the couch, stretching a bit, “What took you forever? I’m starving.”

I rolled my eyes at him, flipping him off, “Don’t be overdramatic. I only took five minutes.”

George scoffed, “Whatever, let’s go. I’m hungry.”

The two of us then headed down to the Great Hall then we sat down next to Ginny.

“What took you two so long?” She asked as she took a bite out of her toast.

“Oh nothing.” George said, filling his cup with pumpkin juice, “Fred just wanted to make sure that he looked good for his favorite girl.”

I felt my cheeks heat, “I did not!”

“Yes, you did!”

“I did not!”

“Yes, you did!”

“I did not!”

“Can we at least eat breakfast first before you two argue?” Ron said impatiently, cutting off the argument.

“Who’s Fred’s favorite girl anyway?” Harry asked.

Hermione looked at him, “You seriously don’t know?”

Harry shook his head.

“His favorite girl is none other than Y/N L/N.” George said, teasingly nudging my shoulder.

Harry still looked confused, “Who?”

“Miss Popular!” Ron said through a mouthful of food.

“She’s the most intelligent.” Hermione said.

“The kindest, the sweetest, the prettiest, the hottest, the sexiest and the most amazing person in school.” I said, smiling dreamily.

“Aaw.” Ginny cooed, “Look at that, Freddie’s in love.”

George chuckled, “In love? He’s whipped for her. He’s basically a simp!”

“And, here she comes now.” Hermione said with a small smile.

As if on cue, Y/N came in with Angelina and Alicia.

At that moment, the world seemed to fall into slow motion, the way her eyes seemed to almost disappear behind her smile. Her laugh was a tune that came straight from heaven.

I wondered what it would be like if I made her laugh, if I was the cause of her laughter.

I wondered, as I always did, what it would be like to hold her, hug her, kiss her, love her so freely and openly to show the whole world how lucky I am to have her in my life. To call her mine.

I felt Ginny gently tap my chin, “Fred, you’re obviously gaping at her and you’re literally drooling.”

I could feel the blush rising up to my cheeks as I wiped the spit off my chin.

“Seriously Freddie.” Ginny said, smacking Ron’s hand away as he tried to reach for her toast, “Why don’t you ask her out? She’s really nice.”

George snorted, almost spewing his pumpkin juice on Harry, “Ginny, before Fred could utter a single syllable in front of Y/N he would’ve already melted just by looking at her.”

“Yeah.” Hermione said with a small giggle, “Fred would do absolutely anything Y/N would tell him.”

Harry laughed, “That’s how much he’s whipped for her.”

“Mate, he’s practically wrapped around her finger.” Ron said.

Harry leaned forward, “You better get a move on mate. Before someone else beats you to it.”

--

George and I were walking back from the library, having finished researching for one of my products when I heard someone calling me.

“Hey Fred! Wait up!”

I turned and my heart skipped a beat when I saw that Y/N was the source of the voice.

“H-hi, what’s u-up?” I asked, praying that the blush could only be mistaken for the heat.

She gave a small smile, handing me a book, “Here, you left this in the library.”

I took the book from her, “T-thanks.”

She nodded, “I’ll see you around.” Then she headed back inside the library.

George nudged my shoulder teasingly, “Aaw, somebody’s a simp.”

I flipped him off, “Who wouldn’t be? Just look at her.”

He tried to reach for the book Y/N handed me, but I swatted his hand away, holding the book close to my chest.

George scoffed, “You really are obsessed.”

--

News about the Yule Ball traveled around Hogwarts spread like wildfire. Now guys were asking their dream girls left and right.

Ron was planning on asking Hermione, Harry was too late for Ginny and George had already asked Angelina.

My only problem: How was I supposed to ask Y/N L/N?

I was walking back from the owlery when I overheard a conversation from a bunch of guys I didn’t know.

“Mate, do you already have a date for the ball?”

“No, I was actually planning on asking Y/N.”

“You’d be one lucky guy to date her.”

“She’s literally the girl of my dreams.”

“Come on, whoever gets to marry her. I would be so jealous of.”

My hands immediately clenched to fists at my side as I walked away from the group.

My thoughts were so clouded that I accidentally bumped into someone.

“Oh, sorry.” We both said at the same time.

I looked up and my eyes met the y/e/c ones of Y/N.

“Sorry.” I apologized sheepishly, “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

She gave a reassuring smile, “It’s fine. I was just heading to the owlery.”

I nodded, “Yeah, I had just gone there.”

Y/N was already halfway up the stairs when an impulsive and possibly rash decision made me call after her, “Hey Y/N!”

She turned around, “Yeah?”

“Will you go to the ball with me?” I asked, immediately regretting my decision and started to brace myself for rejection.

But she just smiled, “I would love to.”

My eyes widened, thinking I’ve misheard her, “Come again?”

She giggled, the sound similar to angels singing, “I said that I would love to go to the ball with you.”

I grinned, “Thanks. I’ll pick you up at eight?”

She nodded, her beaming smile never seemed to leave her lips, “Sounds brilliant.”

I walked back to the common room with a spring in my step, not believing my luck that out of all the people in this school, I was Y/N’s date to the ball.

“Someone’s in a good mood today.” George said.

I grinned, “How couldn’t I be Georgie? The sun’s shining. It’s a beautiful day.”

“Come on.” Ginny said, suddenly interested in the conversation, “We know there’s something going on. So just spill it.”

I smiled, leaning back on the couch, “I asked Y/N to the ball.”

“And?” Ginny and George said in unison.

“She said yes.”

“Yes!” Both of them said, doing a little celebration dance along with the chant, “She said yes! She said yes! She said yes!”

It was honestly the best day of my life.

--

Christmas couldn’t come any faster.

Next thing I knew, I was already standing at the end of the staircase by the Great Hall.

I fiddled nervously with the end of the jacket the dress robes came with, hoping that Y/N didn’t back out last minute.

I then heard soft footsteps growing louder and louder with each passing moment.

“She’s beautiful.” I heard Angelina say next to causing me to turn around.

My jaw literally dropped when I saw her. She looked like a goddess dressed in a y/f/c gown that fell a bit past her knees with her hair tied up in a half-up half-down look. Giving a shy smile when she saw me staring at her.

“You look absolutely gorgeous.” I said, when she arrived at the bottom of the stairs.

Her cheeks were suddenly painted with a tint of rose pink, “You look quite dashing as well.”

I offered my arm to her, “Ready to party?”

She giggled, taking it, “Absolutely.”

Everyone was looking at us when we entered, I saw George give me a thumbs-up from afar.

--

We were taking a small break after dancing the night away. Having a drink in a secluded part of the hall.

“What are you doing on the arm of a Weasley, L/N?” An, obviously, drunk Adrian Pucey calls out.

Y/N’s brows furrowed as she answered, “Why? What do you care?”

Pucey gave a drunken laugh, “Shouldn’t you be on the arm of someone better? Like me?”

I was ready to go and teach the guy a lesson on manners when Y/N placed a hand on my arm, “Are you trying to make me laugh Adrian? Whoever told you that you were better than Fred Weasley is talking dragon dung. And I would rather skip the ball than not be on Fred’s arm. So, if you excuse us, we have to go.” She said, dragging me back into the Great Hall.

“I’m so sorry about that.” She apologized, “Pucey could be such a prick at times.”

I paid no attention to her apology, “Do you really mean it?”

She gave me a confused look, “Mean what?”

“What you said. That you would rather skip the ball than be someone else’s date?”

She blushed, “Yeah.”

I couldn’t believe what I heard; has she been waiting for me to ask her this whole time?

“I’ve actually fancied for such a long time.” She admitted, fiddling with a stray strand of her hair.

Have I actually died and this is already heaven?

Y/N was stunned at her sudden confession and started to ramble, “Oh Godric, I’m sorry. I just made things so awkward. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I mean, of course you won’t feel the same. Why would you? I could be so annoying at times and I’m not even that pretty. Besides, I’m sure there are other girls that are way in your league-“

She wouldn’t let me speak, so I did the only thing I knew to shut her up: I crashed my lips onto hers.

I rested my hands on her waist as she rested hers on my shoulder.

Once our lungs started to demand for air we pulled away.

“Will you let me talk now?” I asked.

Y/N looked up at me, cheeks painted red, “Yeah. Sure.”

“I love you too.” I confessed, “You did not make things awkward, you made it feel like I was in heaven. You are the prettiest, the hottest, the sexiest girl I have ever laid eyes on. My whole family teases me for being such a simp for you. I am so whipped that I would gladly do anything you ask me to do. So, now all those have been sorted out, will you give me the honor of being your boyfriend?”

She giggled, pressing our lips together in a brief kiss, “That’s the best thing I would ever be: Fred Weasley’s girlfriend.”

There was no denying that Fred Weasley is a simp for Y/N L/N.

𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝:

@lumosandnoxwriting @gostupid-godumb @famdomhideout @nova-darling @gaycatlord-stuff @pandaxnienke @escapingrealitybyreading @catching-the-train-to-hogwarts ​ @lunylovelovegood @thefallengodesse(Send a Message/Ask or fill out my taglist form if you want to be added!)

[youare-mysonshine]

heavy || bucky barnes

Summary: reader’s mental health has been taking a decline and bucky is there.

Requested: No

Pairing: TFATWS Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: talks of mental health, depression, anxiety, angst, cussing.

Word Count: 3.2K

A/N: Hey guys, I’m back I guess lmao. I’ve really been struggling with my mental health lately and I guess I kinda just wanted to put it into words, something productive? And I’ve been feeling our angsty emo boy bucky barnes. Most of you might’ve followed me for my Oscar fics but I kinda wanna branch out and I thought this would be a good time to do so. Anyways, I know that some of you have inboxed me or messaged me and I haven’t responded and I’m sorry. But I just want you all to know that if you’re struggling, I’m always here to talk. About anything, always. So, I hope you enjoy this. I might’ve cried while writing this lmao and I also might’ve ended it on such an awkward place but, i’m still getting used to writing again. (Flashbacks are in italics)

————

Bucky didn’t miss the dark circles under your eyes. He didn’t miss the way you sort of slouched as you approached him. He didn’t miss the way that your smile didn’t really meet your eyes.

“Hey,” You said in a breathless voice. “Sorry, I’m late. I got held up.” You said as you took a seat across from him in the booth. Held up. It was better than telling him that you were thinking of just not showing up at all. In the end, you knew that you couldn’t do that. You couldn’t just blow off your new friend who you had so enjoyed spending time with. So, in a rush, you got dressed and made your way to the small, quiet diner that you two had taken to frequenting together. Bucky Barnes was an enigma if you’d ever met one. The way that you had met was rather.. cliche and something straight from a story.

You had been trying to lay off of the caffeine for a while, realizing that you had nearly gone through an entire packet of 32 k-pods that you had just purchased. You realized that you might’ve had a problem. You had been going pretty strong with staying away from caffeine for the time being, until you passed by a coffee shop and got a whiff of coffee. You just couldn’t help yourself; you bought a cup of coffee. It was when you were walking down the street, holding the cup of coffee in one hand, looking down, that you didn’t see someone walking right in your path. You had collided into what seemed like a solid wall and the impact had caused you to squeeze the cup of coffee in surprise, the warm liquid burning your hand, staining your clothes and the other person. You had realized it was another person you had crashed into when you heard them let out a low cuss.

Bucky’s grumpy self had been fully prepared to tell you off for crashing into him, having just left his therapist’s office, but when you looked up at him with those bright eyes of yours, a million apologies spilling from your lips a mile a minute, he swallowed whatever harsh words had nearly sprung forth. He had apologized as well; both of you had been at fault. Bucky had been going over his session with Dr. Raynor that morning, completely lost in his own mind, and you had your eyes trained on the ground, something that was a bad habit of yours. The shock of realizing you had bumped into a man, a really really handsome man with the brightest blue eyes you had ever seen, had made you temporarily forget that you had practically scorched your hand with the coffee, and that you had gotten it on him as well.

“I’m so, so sorry.” You said once again, quickly averting your eyes from the handsome stranger’s face. Instead you focused on the smushed cup in your hand and the stains on his leather jacket. It just made you feel even terrible. “I, I can pay for you to get your jacket cleaned, if you want. Really. I wasn’t paying attention and I just, for whatever reason, squished my cup and.. I’m sorry.” You said, kind of breathlessly.

“It’s.. it’s alright.” His voice was like the coffee that you had been drinking. Smooth and rich. It was deep, something that reverberated deep in your chest and had your stomach fluttering with butterflies. “I wasn’t paying attention either. Really, it’s fine. And don’t worry about my jacket. No harm, no foul.” He said. “You should, uh, you should take care of that hand. Hope you didn’t burn yourself too bad.” He gestured to your hand, still clutching the cup, with one of his own gloved hands.

“Oh, I’ll be fine. It wasn’t that hot. Thank you, though. And again, I’m really, really sorry.” Sparing one, seemingly, last glance at the handsome stranger, you side stepped him and began to walk away, tossing the empty cup of coffee in a trash can on the sidewalk. But you didn’t get very far because that deep voice called out to you, halting you in your tracks.

“Can I buy you another cup of coffee?” Bucky’s mouth had opened and spoken the words long before his brain could even catch up. He didn’t know why he had asked you that, but something in his gut was just telling him too.

“What?” A look of total bewilderment had crossed your face and he had seen it.

“I just, well I thought that, since I bumped into you, I could make it up to you by buying you a new cup of coffee. If you wanted, I mean. You don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable or anything.” Bucky clarified, hand stuffed in his pocket, waiting for your answer. For a few seconds, you simply stood there, unsure of what to say because surely this wasn’t happening? The last time that you had gone out with a guy was.. well, shit, you didn’t even remember the last time. The little voice in the back of your head, that anxious, paranoid little voice, was telling you not to go off with a stranger. You’d watched too many episodes of Criminal Minds and other true crime shows and documentaries to know that situations like this never turned out well. However, you didn’t get a bad feeling from this particular man. He seemed just as awkward and slightly frazzled as you felt. So you agreed.

“I’m Bucky, by the way.”

“Y/N.”

That had happened about two months ago. Ever since then, you and Bucky had formed a strong friendship. Your first time getting coffee with him had been awkward, as were the next few times that you had seen one another. But things got easier. Becoming friends was easy. You kind of fell into this routine, almost as if you two had known each other your whole lives. That was why Bucky telling you who he really was had been terrifying for him. He carried around guilt and shame and just contempt for everything he’d done. Everything The Winter Soldier represented, and when he told you, he figured that you would think the same. He had asked you meet him at the diner that had now become your spot and and you remember how he nervously wrung his gloved hands together. You remember when you asked him what was wrong and he didn’t verbally respond but he took off his gloves; the right one first and then the left, revealing a shiny black metal hand, golden lines intricately placed.

He told you then. Maybe he didn’t tell you everything but he told you who he was and he had braced himself for you to get up and storm out. Or, to yell at him and tell him how much of a monster he was. But, it never came. Instead, you reached out and placed your hand on top his. Not his real hand, but the metal one. You didn’t say anything. You just gave him that smile that was quickly becoming his favorite. Sometimes, silence spoke a thousand words. To Bucky, you had become kind of a respite for him. Even in the late nights or mornings when he woke up after a nightmare. Or after a particularly hard session with Dr. Raynor. He had closed himself off from other people except you.

Bucky might not have known it, but he gave you the same level of comfort as you gave him. You found yourself craving his presence. Every time you were around him, you couldn’t help but to smile or laugh. In the time that you spent together, your mind was clear and free from all your worries. It all evaporated into thin air. Your mind, usually so active with all sorts of thoughts and worries, could finally rest when you were with Bucky. You could sleep. You could get up in the morning without that stress and anxiety drowning you. It was okay. It was great.

Until it wasn’t.

“No problem, doll.” He said, gloved hands clasped under the table on his lap. “I already ordered. Got your usual. Hope that was alright.” He added, to which you nodded absentmindedly.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s fine. Thanks Buck.” You said, mustering up a half hearted smile that didn’t reach your eyes. It was like even smiling drained the energy from you. You were exhausted. Not even just physically but mentally and emotionally. You had been having such good days for a while now, since meeting Bucky. You felt like maybe you would finally be alright but.. this feeling of hopelessness, the feeling that nothing was quite right, it was heavy. It weighed you down. It suffocated you. You wanted to be alone, but you also couldn’t stand to be alone because when you were alone, you were just stuck in your head and being in your head was the absolute worst place to be.

The intrusive thoughts had started. They told you that you would do nothing but weigh Bucky down. That he didn’t need someone like you in his life, someone with clear problems of their own, when he was going to therapy trying to better himself. Even if it had been mandatory for him to go. You wanted to push him away, save him from yourself, but you also couldn’t stand the thought of losing him.

Bucky noticed the shift in you. Normally when you two met up, whether it was at the diner or anywhere else, you would usually talk his ear off. Not that he minded, he was content to just sit back and listen to you. Sometimes, you’d tell him about a new book that you had started reading. You had just started reading the fifth Harry Potter book and you were trying to get him to read them. You’d tell him about your day. You’d ask him how his day went, how it went with Dr. Raynor, though you never pushed for more information. You always let him share if he was comfortable with it and he appreciated that. Sometimes you teased him for being such an old man.

The food came soon after you had arrived and sure enough, Bucky had ordered your usual. It sent a pang through your heart when you realized that he had memorized your order, down to the extra syrup and whipped cream on the pancakes. Bucky always liked to make fun of you for ordering the same thing when you came to the diner. No matter what time it was, you always ordered the pancakes with extra syrup and extra whip cream, with the strawberries on the side. Secretly, though he found it adorable.

Today, you had barely even taken more than a few bites and that was what really let Bucky know that something wasn’t right. You kept your head down, eyes on the pancakes and you cut them up, bringing a few up to your mouth and chewing slowly, but you mostly just moved them around your plate with the fork in your hand. Bucky himself had barely taken only a few bites of the food he’d ordered for himself, but it wasn’t for lack of appetite, it was because of the growing concern. His bright blue eyes were now a stormy grey, kind of like the clouds that you see during a heavy storm. His brows were furrowed, giving him an appearance almost as if he were angry.

“You alright, Y/N? You’ve barely eaten your food and normally you finish before I do.” He attempted to joke, to bring about that smile that seemed to always fill him with warmth. He half expected you to look up at him with that cheeky little smile, a mischievous look in your eyes and say “You know, I would be offended by that, but I know why you eat so slow, Buck. I completely understand. You don’t want your dentures to fall out.” But it never came.

You don’t know what it was. Bucky asking you if you were alright or if it was simply all the pressure of just.. everything, finally breaking, but you could feel the hot tears in your eyes. They blurred your vision until you couldn’t really see the plate of the pancakes in focus. The dam had finally come apart and you couldn’t hold it in anymore. You set the fork down and buried your face in your hands, your shoulders lightly shaking as you began to cry. All Bucky could do was stare for a few seconds, alarm written all over his face. Alarm and distress because he had no idea what just happened and if he had done something to upset you.

“Woah woah, hey. Sweetheart, hey. What’s wrong?” In seconds, Bucky was out of his side of the booth and scooting in beside you. You felt the comfort of his warmth, you felt his arm tentatively, almost hesitantly, slide around your shoulders and anchor you to him. You shook your head, attempting to calm down, to stop the tears but the more you tried, the more they seemed to come.

“I-I’m sorry, Bucky.. I.. I’m sorry.. I-I’m fine. Really.” You said, sniffling. It was apparent to you both that you were not alright and he really just wanted to get to the bottom of it. Or at least attempt to comfort you. But doing that in the middle of a diner with other people around wasn’t ideal.

“Hey, my apartment is only a short walk away. Come on, let’s get you out of here and somewhere more quiet.” You didn’t protest. You just nodded and slid out of the booth after he did. Bucky took out his wallet and placed a few bills on the table, paying for the uneaten food, and then quickly led you out of the establishment. He kept his hand on you, almost like an anchor. Whether it was to reassure you or himself, he didn’t know and you didn’t mind either. It was probably the only thing that kept you from retreating inside of your mind and giving in to the panic that so desperately wanted out.

You didn’t even realize that you had reached his apartment until he had led you up the stairs and you were standing behind him as he unlocked the door. He allowed you to step in first and then quickly followed behind you, shutting the door as he did so. You didn’t really get the chance to take in his apartment because he had ushered you to sit on his couch while he knelt in front of you.

“Alright, you’re scarin’ me here, doll. What’s wrong? Did someone hurt you?” The sheer look of concern and slight panic in his face and those pretty eyes of his made the waterworks come back again. You shook your head, your face scrunched up in anguish. Hot bullet tears fell from your eyes and left a wet path in their wake down your cheeks. Bucky wasn’t one to pry; he hated it when people tried to pry into his life and he didn’t do it to you, but he couldn’t stand the sight of seeing you cry. He couldn’t stand the sight of your once bright eyes and cheery smile just.. gone. You eyes were sad and your lips were pulled into a frown. “Talk to me, baby.” He practically pleaded.

“I just.. I don’t.. I don’t know how to explain it, Buck.” You cried. “I-I.. I just feel like..” You let out a frustrated cry when you couldn’t find the right words but Bucky was patient. He reached a hand up, cupping your cheek and wiping away the tears that kept falling. “I don’t feel.. happy. Everyday I wake up and I just, I feel fine for like a few seconds and then everything just comes crashing down on me. I can’t ever stop thinking. I can’t sleep at night. I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling like this, Bucky. And I feel fucking crazy. Sometimes I feel like you don’t even really like me. I feel.. hopeless, like nothing is ever going to be okay. I might feel okay for a few seconds but then it just goes away.” You explained, though you were sure that you probably sounded like a raving and ranting lunatic. “Before I met you, I liked being alone but I also hated it because when I was alone, I would just overthink and overthink and overthink about every fucking thing. If it wasn’t one thing it was another just giving me such bad anxiety and.. I don��t know what to do anymore, Bucky. I’m just tired of feeling like this. Feeling like nothing is ever going to be okay, like I’m never going to be okay. I just feel.. alone.”

His heart was well and truly broken. In the two months that he’d known you, he hadn’t known how badly you had struggled with your mental health. He hadn’t known the war that you fought within your mind, and how bad it had become. You were such saving grace for Bucky; you saved him from the wars inside of his mind. The constant feeling of guilt that he fought with on a daily basis, and now.. he just wanted to do the same for you. He wanted to shoulder some of the pain that you carried, the pain that seemed to be weighing you down. Both of his hands now cupped your cheeks so delicately, as if you were the most precious thing in the world to him. His blue eyes were shining, looking at you with not pity, but something like.. understanding. If anyone knew what you were feeling, it was Bucky.

“You’re not alone.” His smooth and rich voice was so soft, so gentle that it brought on a new set of tears. “You’re not alone, sweetheart. Not anymore. You know why? Cause you got me.” He said. “I know what it’s like to feel hopeless. To feel stuck in your head. To feel like nothing is ever gonna get better. I felt like that in Wakanda. Sometimes.. sometimes, we need help. And I know I’m not one to be talking considering that I don’t really like talking to my therapist or even going,” That roused the smallest of smiles from you. “I’m here. You know that, right? I’m here. You got me and I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I don’t care if you have a million bad days. I don’t care if you feel like you’re bothering me. I’ll be there every time.” You two have gradually gravitated close to one another until your foreheads were pressed together. Bucky was still knelt in front of you on the couch, his hands still holding your cheeks. Your eyes were closed and you could feel his warm breath fanning your face. The tears had stopped falling but you were still sniffling softly. “You’ve helped me. Even if you don’t know it. You’ve helped me.” He was whispering. There was no one but you two in his apartment but he was still whispering the words meant for only you to hear. “Now, let me help you. Please.”

“Okay. I trust you, Bucky.”

[witchyweasley]

Product Testing- George Weasley

Pairing: George Weasley x fem!reader

Summary: George and his girlfriend have fun in the shop after hours.

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: smut, 18+ themes, light bondage, daddy kink, dirty talk, squirting

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Fred, go ahead and leave! We are capable of locking up the store!” I said, pushing Fred towards the door.

“But what about-,” he started.

“We can do it. What we can’t do is save you from the wrath of your hot girlfriend if you’re late to another date,” I said.

“She’s right, you should get going before Angelina puts you out on the couch again,” George laughed.

“Fine, fine! I’m going!” Fred said, grabbing his jacket and finally heading out the door. We watched as he turned the corner, before continuing with our closing duties.

As I was on a ladder, dusting a high shelf and reorganizing products, the curtains on the windows in front were drawn in quickly. I looked and saw George had his wand out and had drawn them shut.

“What are you doing? We don’t normally do that until we have to leave?” I asked.

“Come down here,” he said sternly. I furrowed my eyebrows and descended from the top of the ladder.

“What’s up?” I asked. Instead of answering, George grabbed my face and crashed his lips hungrily onto mine. Moaning slightly into the kiss, I kissed back with the same ferocity. His hands trailed down to my waist massaging my hips before sliding a hand underneath my skirt to hold my hip. He bunched up the skirt and stepped back, looking to see what I was wearing underneath.

“You wore my favorite pair of underwear and expected me to not fuck you senseless?” He laughed, snapping the silky fabric against my hip.

“I forgot I was wearing them,” I admitted.

“Well I didn’t, every time you got up on that ladder or bent over to pick up something I had to restrain myself,” he growled, kissing me again.

“Who says you have to restrain yourself now?” I teased.

“Exactly,” he said, his large hands grabbing my ass and pulling me into another heated kiss. I moaned into the kiss, snaking my hands up his neck to tug lightly at his ginger hair.

“In fact, I was hoping we could try out a new product,” he said as I kissed down his neck, my fingers working at the buttons on his shirt.

“George, we already know the love potions won’t work on me,” I said.

“No, these are um, new products. Adult products if you will,” he smirked.

“Oh, what are they?” I asked.

“Well, how do you feel about being tied up?” George said.

“I’m interested,” I said.

“So we got these ties that will attach to anything, so people could be restrained without needing specific bed posts or something like that,” George said, heading to the back to find the tester.

“Let’s test them out,” I said, sitting on the counter. George held out two of the red ribbons for me.

“Put these on your wrists” he said. As I slid them onto my wrist, George slipped the other two onto my ankles. Once the ties were on me, I started unbuttoning my shirt, shrugging it off my shoulders. Sliding my skirt down along with it. George just watched me with his mouth gaping open.

“What? I don’t trust you to not rip up another uniform and I’m tired of buying new ones,” I said.

“I’m not complaining. Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” he said softly, standing between my legs and pressing a soft kiss to my lips. “Remember the safe word?”

“Pluto,” I said, confirming the word.

“Now let’s see how well these things work,” George said, stepping back. He aimed his wand at my left hand and muttered a spell, suddenly sending my arm back towards the edge of the counter, my right hand soon following it. He then muttered the spell while pointing at my ankles, sending the ribbons down to the floor and spreading my legs open.

“How’s that?” he asked. I tugged against the ribbon to test its strength. It didn’t move, but it had enough give so that it didn’t hurt me.

“Pretty good,” I said.

“Fuck, you look so beautiful, all tied up like this,” George breathed out, his hands tracing the length of my thighs. He pressed a harsh kiss to my lips, massaging the outside of my thighs.

His hands moved from the outside of my thighs to my inner thighs, dangerously close to my dripping pussy. My hips moved upwards, trying to find contact where I wanted it.

“Patience baby,” George said, moved his hands back down towards my knees.

“Please, Georgie,” I moaned.

“That’s not my name,” he whispered into my ear before lightly tugging it with his teeth. It’s not often that he enters a more dominant space, but when he does he goes all out.

“Please… daddy,” I moaned out.

“What do you want, baby?” He asked.

“You,” I sighed.

“You’ve got me already. What do you want me to do?” He asked.

“Touch me, daddy,” I begged, looking up at him. He smirked and brought his hands back to my inner thighs. His thumb pressing against my clit gently before rubbing slow circles around it. His other hand reached up to cup my breast, his thumb rubbing over my hardening nipple.

His hands then moved my underwear to the side, rubbing his fingers in my wetness.

“Hmmm, who’s got you so wet baby?” George smirked.

“You, you do daddy,” I moaned as he brushed over my clit again.

“Is it good when I touch you here?” George said, brushing my clit again.

“Fuck yes,” I moaned out, trying to buck my hips up to meet his hand.

“Ah ah ah, stop moving like that. I’m in charge here,” George said, pulling his hands away.

“I’m sorry daddy,” I said, hoping he would return his hands.

“Just don’t let it happen again,” George said, moving to stand behind me. He pressed soft kisses along the back of my neck, slowly pinching and pulling at my hardened nipples. My breathing deepened as one hand slid back down to my soaking core, gathering some of the wetness before slipping one finger into my pussy.

“Oh thank you daddy,” I moaned out as he pumped his finger into me.

“Such a good girl for me,” George whispered into my ear, his hot breath leaving shivers down my spine. He slid in another finger, stretching me as his other hand came down to rub my clit.

As soon as I involuntarily bucked my hips, George’s hands were off of me and I was begging for him to put them back.

“Please! Please daddy! I was so close,” I whined.

“Too bad darling, I told you not to move like that again and you did anyways. I’m not sure if you should be allowed to cum,” George said, walking back to my front.

“Please please please daddy, I’ll be a good girl,” I begged.

“I don’t know, Maybe I should leave you like this, that way anyone who wanted to use you could have a go with you. Would you like that?” George smirked, playing with the ribbon of the restraints on my wrists.

I couldn’t even form an answer as I watched George take his long, hard cock out from his trousers, stroking it. I just moaned in response, desperately wanting him to fuck me into the counter.

“Hmm, would you like that? Being a good little slut for the store? Letting people eat your delicious pussy and suck on those gorgeous tits,” George said, rubbing his cock against my slit. “Or even fucking your tight little pussy?”

I moaned out as he slowly slid into me, watching his cock disappear in me.

“Oh fuck daddy, you’re so big,” I moaned out.

“And you’re taking me so well, such a good little slut for daddy,” he said, grabbing my neck and pulling me in for a harsh kiss. He didn’t put pressure on my neck, but the action alone was enough to edge me dangerously close to the edge.

“Daddy please, I’m close,” I moaned.

“Already? I’ve barely done anything,” he teased.

“Please daddy, can I cum?” I begged, tears in my eyes from holding back.

“Cum on daddy’s cock baby girl,” he growled, slamming his hips into me. I cried out as I came, my legs shaking against the restraints. George didn’t stop though, he continued pounding into me. Grunting as he fucked me the hardest he ever has, bringing his hand to rub my already overly sensitive clit.

“Come on, I know you can do more than that,” he grunted, making me see stars.

“Oh fuck, fuck, fuck!” I cried out, trying to move my hips away as I had the most intense orgasm of my life.

“Holy shit,” George said, coming down from his own high. “I didn’t know you could do that.”

“Do what?” I asked breathlessly, trying to calm my shaking legs.

“Baby, you just squirted,” George said in awe. Before I could respond, George’s mouth was attached to my incredibly sensitive pussy, licking up whatever juices he could. He then kissed up my body, pressing a harsh kiss to my lips as I tasted myself in him.

“I...Well, wow,” I breathed out, “I think it’s safe to say this product is safe.”

[seokahwrites]

NUISANCE | chapter 2 (or, i hate him so much my heart skipped a beat)

5.6k

back to nuisance masterlist

pairing.

| lawyer! jeon jungkook x lawyer! reader

summary.

| all you wished for was a relaxing two weeks in a big ass boat eating some big ass shrimps, away from the real world. but instead you’re stuck with your arch rival with no means of escape — and goddamit why does the bastard smell so good.

tags.

| 2 BROOKLYN 99 REFERENCES TELL ME IF U CATCH THEM; paragraphs dedicated to jungkooks back muscles; im so sorry like a few parts were really thirsty; but there’s a very sweet paragraph dedicated to jungkook’s smile; reader and jungkook bonding???; jealous reader; smug jungkook; love sounds like hate; a lot of plot convenience if you haven’t noticed

a/n.

| hello everyone! first off THANK U FOR THE MASSIVE SUPPORT ILY. i feel like this could’ve been better but i’m not sure how. but no they’re not moving too fast bc… well 😃😃 also i’m planning on writing more serious pieces after this series even though i’ve barely started :P anyways, i hope u all have an amazing day lots of love

“What kind of neanderthal doesn’t go outside for two days?

Jungkook asks through the open bathroom door as he’s sitting on his couch, your mouth still too foamy and minty to give him a quick-witted answer.

You spit into the sink and glare at him through the mirror, “I was being productive and I cooked horrible food all day,” you splash water on your face and pause at the door frame on your way out, “Unlike some people that spend their hours hunting for their next prey.”

You don’t stick around to watch the way he rolls his eyes, walking over to your bed to grab the orange wrap skirt and white top for today’s outfit. But you couldn’t really put it on since someone was still in the room.

There isn’t an inkling of a thought in Jungkook’s doe eyes, the time it was taking for him to get a hint was more than enough for you to pass your eyes over his black tank top, stinky green shorts and dark sandals. How did he look better than you in a tank top? Fuck him. Wait, no he doesn’t. Still, fuck Jungkook.

Once your eyes are back on him, the fiend has a shit-eating grin on his face as if he’d just caught you red-handed in the middle of a dirty sin — you were just judging him.

You raise your eyebrows in an attempt to maintain your composure, “Well?” And wave the clothes in your hands to help him understand the situation.

No sound comes from the ‘Oh’ of his lips, his small brain finally coming to terms with reality. But just before he heads out the door, “We’re having lunch at the deck,” and he doesn’t wait for an answer, slamming the door behind him.

Who the hell did he think he was?

Now, you didn't have to go along with Jungkook’s plan — hell, it was probably the last thing you wanted. However, does going to the rooftop deck to have a nice lunch and a-little-too-early drinks really sound like a bad idea?

And the answer to that question is what led you to pulling your clothes over your head and reassuring nobody but yourself that, ���I’m only going because of the fucking food,” cursing Jungkook here and there too, of course.

Just before heading off, you grab the cruise’s complementary sun hat, a long string of pastel beads for your neck and your favorite pair of sunglasses — not that you were going to use them for more than keeping your hair away from your face anyways.

Breathe in, Y/N.

You’re out the door, “I’m ready.”

Your exposed skin stings as you feel Jungkook’s eyes go from your leg exposed from the slit of your skirt, to your fluttering stomach and slowly — as if he didn’t want to miss a single detail — up, up, up, until his gaze meets yours. And that look is back, the one he’s only ever used whenever he couldn’t hide what he truly felt for you: aversion.

Yet, instead of the slander you were expecting, Jungkook does nothing but shake away whatever was on his mind and lock the door. Beep, And he goes the entire way to the elevator without uttering a single word.

Still, even if the silence was deafening you don't make much of a fuss, only observing Jungkook’s silent figure as he stared ahead and around anywhere he wouldn't have to meet your eyes.

He was a pain in the ass even when he wasn't speaking.

Ding.

You’re the first to exit, part because you were excited to get a breath of fresh ocean air and part because you couldn’t stand whatever the hell was happening in the elevator.

There were half naked people everywhere, kids running around and chasing after each other through the zig zag of chairs and tables. From the wooden floor to the samples of blue and yellow on the umbrellas, cups and slides, the view was the very core of vacation.

Jungkook suddenly stands before your wide eyes and takes you by the wrist, taking the lead as he shoves his way to the stairs that lead to the highly-expected rooftop restaurant, the place safely guarded on the opposite side of all the commotion.

As your sandals flip-flopped against the wooden stairs, you start to see a flood of blue and beige chaise lounges, white coffee tables centered in the space of each one and the alabaster bar surrounded by people in all sorts of summer attire. Maybe Jungkook was onto something.

Speaking of, he grabs your shoulders — ruining the view as always — and pushes you down the first empty couch he finds. “Stay here, I’ll get us some food.”

You don't fight him on it, deciding to just let the sea breeze caress your face, closing your eyes and taking it all in. Things were nice.

That is until you look at the entrance and see Jungkook talking to the same raven-haired girl from yesterday. The sight bothers you and you can’t quite put your finger on as to why, perhaps it was because he could’ve at least had the fucking decency to not hit on people while he was ordering your food. God. Only he could put a stain to an otherwise perfect morning.

And you could’ve looked away, but just as a bee is attracted to pollen or a driver is allured with the sight of a car crash, you simply couldn’t — not that you were attracted or allured to Jungkook in any way, though.

The woman’s cotton cover up flowed with her hand as she playfully hit Jungkook on the arm. You envy her, you’d never touched an implant before. Jungkook crosses his arms at this movement, probably thinking his biceps were going to pop out even more. Your body threatens to convulse in second hand embarrassment.

But the lovebirds are interrupted when the cashier calls out for Jungkook, his order ready and trayed up. You look away and could only hope it was just in time for none of them to notice that you were ogling, but Jungkook’s mystery girl catches your stare and her angelic smile dissipates in front of your eyes. Chills, literal chills.

You feign surprise when Jungkook sits beside you, placing the tray of colorful drinks and drool-worthy pasta on the table with a clang.

“I hope the mimosas are a good enough treat for your highness,” he bows his head.

You can’t repress your squeal nor your smile as the glass meets your lips and you have a real summer drink for the first time in forever, the girl’s glare fading with every sip you take. Jungkook simply watches, amused when you down half of the drink in one go.

You’re content, only with a simple worry in your mind. “What time is it?”

Luckily Jungkook had brought a watch on his wrist, your phones long forgotten on the nightstand, “One something,” he grabbed both plates, handing over yours, “Why? Gotta run away from me again?”

You try to scoop as much chicken, sauce and pasta as you can twirl on your fork, practically salivating once you're munching down the food. “As a matter of fact, I do.”

Jungkook crosses a leg over the other as he eats the chicken from his own plate, “What are you up to today?”

Huh. You asked yourself the same thing. “I actually have no idea,” you admit, “I just saw the words massage and wine and thought ‘I have to go’.”

“Of course,” and he doesn’t sound the least bit surprised — or judgemental, at that. “You did the same exact thing at the last firm getaway.”

Your hand flies to your mouth, “Oh, God. Why would you remind me,” Jungkook is slapping his knee at a miserable attempt of stifling his laughter, “Nothing will ever compare to the misery of being surrounded by a bunch of sobbing tipsy widows.”

His laugh only booms alive and you try to convince yourself that it scratches your ears, but it doesn’t and you find yourself giggling as well. What the hell was in that mimosa?

“God, youre such a fucking idiot.”

“Lower your voice, boozer,” you slap his thigh — hurting you much more than him — and catch a few glares in your direction.

Jungkook drinks his entire glass, “Eh, screw them,” not sparing a second thought to the strangers, “Are you heading to the fifth floor again?”

The alfredo pasta in your plate has been reduced to nothing, “Yeah, why?”

“I’m heading that way too.”

You snort — you know, like a wild boar. “Gonna meet up with yesterday’s catch?”

He has a conceited smile on his face and you fear the next words to come out his mouth, “Maybe,” he places his plate on his lap and leans closer to you, his breath tickling your ear, “Jealous much?”

Scoff.

You push him away, drinking the rest of your orange juice. Scoff (again). You’ve never met someone so egotistical. How dare he?

“Don’t act like being seduced by an incubus like you is such a big deal,” you hope to poison him with your words but he only bites down a sweet smile, “And it’s not like she’s seen anything that I haven’t in the past two nights.”

Goddammit, Y/N. Where the fuck did that come from?

Jungkook drapes an arm over the couch, “Someone’s been enjoying the view.”

You try your best to scowl at the demon, but when your eyes accidentally tarry on Jungkook’s collarbones and arms — why is it always the fucking arms? — for a few moments too long, red paints your cheeks instead and you simply fiddle with your empty glass.

Jungkook’s victory weighs heavy on the lifted corners of his lips as you wait for him to finish the rest of his food — he ate like a five year old.

“This is where I leave you, I guess.”

The walk to the fifth floor was a quick one, you and Jungkook standing in front of the familiar entrance, that same chalkboard from yesterday scribbled with roses this time.

A woman is the one welcoming you at the door today, the same list and my-boss-forced-me-to smile on her face, just like yesterday’s guy.

“Ms. L/N,” she calls out as you and Jungkook come closer, “You must be the last couple to join us today!”

She manages to sneak her way behind you, pushing both of you into the dim room before her words could even reach your eardrums. Did she say couple?

Jungkook attempts to correct her, “I’m just here to drop her off—,” to no avail.

The woman has a menacing smile and look to her eyes that shuts the both of you right up, “The first activity was just about to start,” she rushes to the exit and shuts the door, but not before a friendly, “Have fun!”

Was this cruise actually full of psychos?

You and Jungkook are frozen in place, only noticing the handful of couples sitting on the floor, the petals spread across the room and romantic candles sticking out the walls, a moment too late.

“Welcome! Welcome!” An elderly woman approaches you, her short hair wrapped in a pink bandana, the boho print matching the rest of her clothes and chunky jewelry, “I’m Hattie, your instructor. Why don’t you two sit down so we can start?”

Though you're both in shock, none of you attempt to make an escape, taking quick but hesitant steps to the last empty space in the back. A flustered Jungkook is the first to talk once you’re sat down, “What the fuck, Y/N?”

Hattie seemed to have been saying something when Jungkook whispered a tad too loud, both of you putting on a smile when she looked. “I have no idea what’s happening either,” you grit through your teeth,

Once she looks away, you and Jungkook take a breather.

“I legit didn't see anything about onboard couple’s therapy, I was really tired,” you rub between your brows, “You can go, Jungkook,” your head gestures to the sealed exit, “I can take the embarrassment. Plus, that’s kind of the whole point.

“But that guard lady locked us in here,” his fading hope is visible in the way he buries his head in his hands, seemingly forgetting who he was with when he asks, “Am I really stuck here with Y/N?”

Are you fucking kidding me. You can’t believe you were empathetic with the monster for even a second. “Don’t be over dramatic, it’s only until six.”

His shock takes over his hands and the volume of his voice when he hits his legs, “WE’RE GOING TO BE HERE FOR FOUR HOURS?”

The murmurs and whatever that instructor was saying, are quickly silenced.

“We’re sorry,” you apologise on his behalf as he struggles with reality, “Please, continue.”

She coughs and puts back that old lady smile of hers, clasping her hands together, “As I was saying, we have three tasks ahead of us,” she puts up a finger for each one she lists, “A loving touch, a loving conversation and a loving drink.”

Her voice is drowned out by your dread, your eyes glancing at the couples holding hands and touching, whispering what were surely forbidden secrets into each other’s ears, the candle wax melting and falling in a picturesque way and how the music was crispy to the ears. It was all so… romantic.

And then there were you two idiots that stuck out amidst the crowd, both awkward yet number one is redder than the roses and number two was sweating like a hog. I’ll let you decide which is which.

Hattie’s words are what bring you back to the present, “For us to loosen up, we will begin with the loving touch session,” please say massage, “Each couple should head up to their respective massage rooms.”

At last, the sun is found in the storm.

You follow with an excited sway when Hattie finally comes to bring you to your room. She closes the door behind her with an, “Enjoy!”

A masseur is waiting on the opposite side of the massage bed with welcome arms, “Good afternoon, Mr. and Ms. L/N.”

Jungkook raises his hand, “I’m actually Jeon, she’s the only—.”

“My mistake, Mr. and Ms. Jeon,” Goddamit, Jungkook can’t you say anything helpful for once? “Which one of you will be massaged first?”

You practically leap to grab the robe in his hand before Jungkook could steal the chance, pointing to the jade door, “Is this the changing room?.”

The man nods, a little taken aback from your excitement.

You're out of your clothes and in the backwards robe in the blink of an eye, laid down on the bed in less than a minute, your head now resting on the top of your crossed arms.

“So, Mr. Jeon,” you feel a cold oil drizzle over your back, experienced hands spreading it across your back, “You’ll be placing your hands—,” wait, where did they go, “— right here.”

And just like that Jeon Jungkook’s hands were on your bare back, the concept of a loving touch finally flickering in your mind. His hands were a little more rough and shakier than you would’ve imagined.

Why was that going through your mind?

You should’ve been wishing death on him, yourself and everybody else in the boat, shouldn’t you?

“A loving touch is all about, not only a physical connection but really feeling your partner’s body, go ahead.”

Jungkook, being the pet he was, followed his orders and he did it a little too well, he slowly moved his hands from the knots on your shoulders to the very low of your back and you’d be lying to yourself if you said it felt horrible.

“It’s connecting on a whole new physical level with the other,” Jungkook’s hands travel to the dimples of your spine and linger for a moment too long, but they quickly come back up and focus on the crevices of your neck instead, each movement seemingly aiming for all of your stiff muscles.

Not too bad at all.

The masseur’s philosophical rant about touch and love is completely ignored, your mind hyper focused on every inch of skin Jungkook set his fingers on, his hands sailing further down the sides of your body, the extra attention he pays to your waist not unnoticed.

“Fuck.”

Indeed.

Oh, God. What did you just say?

No, no, no.

Perhaps it was just low enough for nobody to hear it—

“I guess that means you should switch now,” the masseur chuckles with a cringed tone.

It was not.

You prop yourself up and look at Jungkook who you could only hope wasn’t laughing at you, your eyes glassy and pleading for something unclear.

And the bastard was snickering, looking in no direction in particular with a blush to his cheeks and a mocking, lip-biting chuckle on his face.

Once you’re up and standing, it quickly dawns on you that it’s Jungkook's turn. Meaning you had to touch Jungkook and massage Jungkook and touch Jungkook.

The world did hate you.

Jungkook realises he was taking too long and mutters a quick, “Uh,” before pulling his top over his head and you shut your eyes — weren’t you Ms. Jeon, though?

The masseur has to call out your name for you to open them back up again, Jungkook laid on the bed with his head on top of his arms.

“I suppose you know what to do, Miss,” the man smiles.

“Yeah, Y/N,” he exhaled and you can hear his smug, “You know what to do.”

The square footage of Jungkook’s back intimidated you the tiniest bit now that it was splayed out before you, you must admit. Still, you place gentle hands on his back and you’ve confirmed once and for all that those bumps were indeed not from a disease but muscles. Rock hard muscles.

You don’t even remember you had to repay him the favor of embarrassing you — because yes, it was his fault — as you get lost in every dip and fold of his skin, your fingers moving on pure intuition.

The curve of his back, the ridges of his shoulders and the little jolts on the surface of his skin, you could feel all of it.

A hand to your wrist jolts you awake, Jungkook stirring with a glaze to his eyes as you both look up at the masseur, “It’s time for your next activity, Miss.”

Oh, God. What just happened?

You cough and don’t bother to excuse yourself as you leave the room, Jungkook grabbing your forgotten clothes and putting on his robe as he follows behind you.

You try to shake away the burning that creeps it’s way to your fingertips and cheeks as you sit back down on the floor. But it doesn’t work, your sweaty palms joining the party instead. Great. Just great.

Hattie’s voice saves the day, “I hope we’re all relaxed and ready to converse with our partners,” not at all, “If you could all just face each other, cross your legs and hold hands. This intimacy is important when facing important feelings and questions with your partner.”

As if Jungkook slathering oil on you like you were a nice roast chicken wasn't enough, now you had to hold hands with him. Is death still an option?

You’re facing each other, Jungkook’s palms up, “Shall we?”

Uneasiness settles in your stomach, a feeling you’ve never felt with Jungkook before. Sure, you’ve felt judged or uncomfortable but never truly uneasy. Maybe it was just your body reacting to the physical trauma you had to endure.

You nod.

“You know,” Jungkook seems to still be waking up, “You’re not too bad with your hands,” and he laughs.

But it’s a welcome sound that unbundles your nerves in the most peculiar way, your own smile coming back. “You’re not shabby either.”

“I could tell—.”

“I suppose you honeymooners didn’t hear my explanation,” None of you bother to correct her anymore as she places a deck of cards between you, “But all you need to do is pick a card in turn and answer the question. Don’t forget to look into each other’s eyes,” she winks and stands up, making her way to the front of the crowd.

“I guess this is when we start asking each other the questions,” the cringe in your tone is all that rasps your ears as you hold hands… with Jungkook.

“Go ahead,” his head points to the pile of cards in front of you but his eyes only look at Hattie and the way she seemed to ignore every other couple in the room except the both of you.

You breathe in as deep as you can, your hand grabbing the first question, your uncontrollable blush heating up tenfold when you realise this was probably even more intimate than the event-that-shall-not-be-named that occurred in the massage room.

Your mouth stumbles before properly saying, “How long have you been together?”

But Jungkook doesn’t seem as embarrassed as you, the same tint painted on his cheeks but he manages to laugh all the same, your chuckles joining his.

“I’d say about two years?”

Sly bastard. “I’d say two years too.”

He’s the next to grab a card, placing both of your hands on his left one before reaching.

“This is a great one,” he snorts, putting on a serious face when he replaces the card with your hand, “Are there any issues you’d like to bring up?”

You throw your head back just like the exorcist girl, and cackle— were you okay?. “Well, where should I start?”

This was actually kind of fun.

“Okay, but let’s be real for a moment,” he lightly squeezes your hands, “What is your issue with me?”

Or, maybe not.

“Well,” you curse at the old woman for putting you this close, your eyes left with close to no space to avoid Jungkook’s, “There’s just this way you look at me.”

Your gaze is back on the confused boy, the furrow between his brows strong enough to be considered a wifi connection. “What are you talking about?”

“Like—,” you try to come up with some way to explain, “—The first time we met, right? It’s like, you just go silent for a few seconds and literally look through my soul. It makes me feel like I murdered your entire family.”

Jungkook’s eyes grew wide with every word you spouted, the flush on his cheeks practically steaming from his skin.

Did he seriously not know? Oh, well.

“I’m just gonna go ahead and grab the next one,” you say to the top of Jungkook’s head since his face was pointed to his lap.

“Oh, God,” you squeeze Jungkook’s hands with a little more force than necessary, but at least it makes him look up, “You ready?”

Nod.

“What do you love most about your partner?”

Now that was a real couples’ therapy question. Great job, Hattie.

“I think you should answer this one,” you seem to state the obvious, “Since I was the only person to answer the last question.”

Jungkook’s shoulders fall from their perfect posture, “Fine.”

His eyes have that same glint you mentioned before as he scans you up and down. Was that the fifth time today? New record, guys.

“I guess,” he purses his lips with a slight smile, “She always knows how to make a moment memorable. Oh?

Your palms were sweating once again and you wouldn’t have taken note of it if you weren’t holding Jungkook’s goddamn hands at the moment. Why you of all people?

“Coming of a little strong, partner,” the nervousness in your giggly tone ever the obvious thing.

A small smile, “What about you?”

Oh, right. You needed to answer.

It wasn’t like you were an actual couple, “Uh—,” but why is the air between you so thick?

You struggle to find an answer and decide to go with the first thing that pops in your mind,“Well,” Shut up, Y/N, “He always manages to sneak his way in my thoughts.”

Why didn’t you shut up?

However, at this Jungkook smiles, but it isn’t the taut one you’ve seen hundreds of times before, no. Jungkook’s entire face scrunches up and the moons under his eyes seem to have constellations that creased outwards; the way his nose rumpled, his cheeks puffed up and his front teeth steamed the spotlight. Jungkook wasn’t smiling, the boy in front of you was beaming.

And he was beaming at you.

“Next one?” He asks, his face still shining.

You can’t even move at the sight.

Shuffle. “What is your favorite memory with your partner?” He puts it down, “I have like three answers for this one.”

The lightness is back in an instant and you keep that picture of Jungkook on the back of your mind, “You do?”

“Yup,” he pops the P, “First, at the last Christmas party, I go to take a piss at the men’s bathroom, as one does.”

“Please, don’t say it,” you groan and you can’t even hide your face because Hattie would probably slap your hands into Jungkook‘s.

“But, wait,” he feigns shock, “I hear someone gagging in a stall, more specifically a woman. And who else could it have been but the Y/N L/N.”

The almost forgotten memory of you retching your heart out in a smelly toilet and a suited Jungkook carrying you back to Seokjin comes back, and though it’s fuzzy and the mere thought of it is dreadful, Jungkook’s laugh is contagious, even to you now.

“Ah, I never thanked you for that.”

“You don’t need to—.”

“I didn’t finish,” you look at him disillusioned, “And I shouldn’t, because Mother Jin rubbed it in my face the rest of the night about how I was the boss and he was the lousy, underpaid assistant.”

“Classic Jin,” he chuckled. “Okay, second of all, when you threw a coke at my face two seconds after meeting me.”

“Ha, ha. Very funny, Jungkook,” your voice is dry, “But to my defense—.”

“I looked at you weird, totally a justifiable course of action,” he raises his brow, “What about you?”

“What about me?,” Your confusion is cleared up when you’re reminded that you were simply playing a silly card game, “I would have to say… Watching your boss throw a drink at your face after you asked her to make you a partner in the firm.”

Jungkook seems to have buried the memory, “What is it with you people throwing liquids at me?”

You put a thoughtful hand to your chin, “You just have a very drink throwable face.”

He’s quick to snatch your hand back into his and it doesn’t even ring in your mind, “Another one.”

Groan. “Fine, uhm—,” you purse your lips, “Honestly? Maybe, right after that when you were on the sidewalk crying and piss-drunk and you just kind of talked to me.”

Jungkook’s surprised expression has a genuinity to it, “Oh, no. What did I say?”

You shake your head as if to say ‘Nothing’, “You were just going on about how hard you’ve been working and you couldn’t even go out with your friends and you didn’t look at me in the eye even once,” you’re staring into the empty space, “You just said ‘this was a nice dream but I have to wake up now’ and blacked out.”

Your giggle is akin to a little schoolgirl’s and you look backat Jungkook, the night sky in his smile back once again. Hm. Cu—

Hattie claps and the noise bounces you back from your trance. You whip your hands out of Jungkook's hold, afraid they were going to end up drenched from your heart palpitations — Seriously, why was it so hot in the middle of the ocean?

You avoid Jungkook’s searching eyes to the best of your abilities. This could only be a fever.

“We seem to have reached the end of our loving session,” the biggest smile on her face, she can’t wait to get rid of us, “Each couple’s loving drink is awaiting at the exit. The robes are complementary, please do not forget your possessions and stay in love!” Thank God.

You’re on your feet in no time, practically jogging to the exit when Hattie suddenly grabs hold of you, making Jungkook stop in his tracks.

“You two kept on interrupting my class,” she narrowed her eyes but there’s a nicety to her, “But I let it slide, it’s not like I haven’t dealt with worse. Plus, you two have something special that most of the other couples in this room didn’t have.”

A woman scoffs at Hattie’s words when she passes by with her own wife.

Your lack of response is filled with Jungkook’s curious words, “And what is that?”

She leans in a little closer, “Shine,” she whispers this time, “A shine to your eyes and a shine to the way you dance around each other, it’s envying.”

The shine she was referring to was surely the dislike you had for each other. Surely.

You were so sure that you wouldn't stick around for another crazy word of hers and you go back to your almost-running pace to the elevator, not looking back to check if Jungkook had followed behind you.

Why were you so embarassed?

You reach your room in no time and hide yourself beneath the sheets. For a few moments you don’t move, as if you were waiting for something, or someone, to come knocking at the door; and when no one does, your chest weighs a little heavier as if you were disappointed.

“Are you telling me that Jungkook made you moan?” Jin’s voice shrill through the speakerphone, your knees to your chest as you sat at the balcony.

“That’s besides the point, Jin,” you groan, “But, yes.”

He hisses through his teeth, just like the snake he is, “Yeah, there’s no coming back from that.”

“Please,” you’re begging at this point, “Help me.”

“I don’t know what to say Y/N. The symptoms you described don’t sound like the flu, it sounds like raging thirsty hormones.”

Beep, you hear through the glass doors, making you turn, “You’re the worst,” the handle was rotating, “I gotta go, Jin. Love you, bye,” you whisper into the microphone as you grab the phone and make your way into the room for who knows what reason.

And there you were, like a fucking idiot, standing in the middle of the room when Jungkook walks in, scratching the back of his neck when you lock eyes.

“Hey.”

You bite your lip, “Hey.”

The air weighs down with words that wanted to be said and the uncertainty of what they meant, and nobody says anything as you fidget with your skirt Jungkook makes his way to his pile of clothes.

You watch as he digs his way and he seems to be looking for something.

Does he need help—

“Fucking hell, Y/N?”

Excuse me?

You come closer to his little circus act with your hands behind your back, “What?”

Jungkook stands up and you can feel his breath on the tip of your nose, “Where’s my shirt?”

Now, you were truly baffled.

“What shirt?”

He goes to the bathroom and continues his search for said shirt, “My hawaiian shirt,” his voice echoes, “It’s pink, it looks exactly like yours.”

Wow. And he picked on you for that on your very first night together. Wow.

“Why would I steal it?” You start searching through the pile of clothes on the chair, sure to find something.

“I didn’t say you stole it,” Jungkook is striding towards you, “You could’ve just gotten them mixed—.”

His sentence never finds an end when you stand up and turn at the very same moment he comes behind you, your bodies clashing and falling to the floor with a bang. Jungkook is on top of you, the only thing stopping your faces from touching being his upend arm, you don’t even notice your hand was holding onto it until you feel something flex beneath your fingertips.

Could this day get any better?

It takes a few moments for any of you to move, but when you do it’s up and rushing, both of you dusting off your clothes as if there was anything to dust off and staring intently at the ground.

“Uhm—,” Jungkook is the first to break the silence as he grabs something from behind you, “Found it.”

And you both wait for someone to say something else, still no one does and Jungkook puts the shirt back in the pile, walking towards the door.

But just before he could take those final steps, you grab him by the wrist and breathe out. You hated this.

“Look, Jungkook,” he does, “I’m really sorry for running off, I just felt really weird, you know?”

He early waits for you to continue.

“It’s just—,” you let go of him, your fingertips burning from the touch, “—today was a lot. I think we’ve never had real, sober time together that lasted for more than an hour and there was so much touching and talking,” you find yourself rambling, “It was just, really overwhelming because we’re not that close, “So, let’s just go back to insulting each other every two seconds and have a good dinner?”

He seemed to be expecting more, but if he was he doesn’t say a word about it and puts on a happy façade, “Only if you promise to not moan in the middle of our meal.”

Your expression falls flat. “You know what, forget it—.”

“Fine, fine,” he puts his hands up in defeat and unlocks the door, “They’re serving sushi tonight,” he doesn’t wait for you as he heads to the elevator, “So hurry up, dumbass.”

You smile, tucking your hair behind your ears.

Dumbass.

taglist. (open)

| @fangirl125reader / @vantxx95 / @jinpanman / @ggukkieland / @miniiimee / @giadalin / @mrcleanheichou / @btsmylife21 / @primadonnasdream / @paizthemaiz

[secretobsessionstuff]

the one recent anon about gentle caretaking is so so right, can you actually write something with that as a prompt for micah and alexi? both holding by the waist while the sickee is sick in the sink AND then by the forehead when it gets too intense in front of the toilet again. no scat please

I love this prompt so much and I had so much writing it! I hope you love it!! Thank you to the other anon who got this prompt started ❤

-----------------------------

When Alexi went to bed at midnight, he was surprised to find the light on in the bedroom.

He had been looking forward to pulling Micah’s sleeping body closer to him as he himself fell asleep. Most nights he came to bed much later than Micah. It was their ritual. Alexi would wrap his arms around his boyfriend and fit himself perfectly into place. Half-awoken by the motion, Micah would make the cutest sound upon realizing that he was once again safe in the arms of someone who loved him.

Alexi was unusually eager for tonight’s ritual because he hardly saw his boyfriend all day. Micah was working on his manuscript non-stop to meet the upcoming deadline. The tight schedule meant that he needed to be alone. The boy was writing like he was running out of time…because he was. It was a particular exhausting stage in the process because his editor covered the document in red writing. As far as Micah was concerned, the red markups were nothing but blood—blood that marked the death of his favourite irrelevant scenes, the cleverest yet confusing lines, and the fun yet unnecessary side characters. Yes, killing your darlings is a taxing process that took all of Micah’s time and energy, and as Alexi would discover, his health.

There might as well have been an invisible Do Not Disturb sign on the bedroom door. The unyielding typing from inside the room also served as a reminder for Alexi that he couldn’t demand attention whenever he wanted it. He couldn’t just walk in and smother Micah in kisses until he did something with him. Now bedtime was Alexi’s only chance to be with Micah when he wasn’t distracted.

But the opening sentence still remains: the light was on in the bedroom.

Alexi stood confused on the other side of the door. This didn’t look like bedtime. Not hearing any typing from inside the room, he walked in to find that it looked a little bit more like bedtime. Micah was asleep, but at his desk. He wasn’t nicely tucked into bed. His head was resting on the desk next to his laptop. The screen was black.

“Micah? Alexi said quietly as he came over to his boyfriend. He clicked the space bar on the keyboard, making the screen come to life. So much red.

Micah never fully turned off the computer before falling asleep. His own sleep looked just as shallow as the computer’s. His back rose and fell sharply, and his breathing matched. He didn’t look restful at all.

“Micah, wake up, mon amour.” Alexi shook his boyfriend awake who shot up from the desk. Alexi was quick to grab hold of his shoulders. “Easy, you’re okay. You fell asleep while working.”

Micah squinted and put a hand up to the side of his head. His neck hurt from the awkward way in which he passed out. “What time is it?”

“Midnight…you never went to bed. Are you alright?” Alexi didn’t like the dazed look on his boyfriend’s face. His eyes were glassy and bloodshot, like they reflected what was on the computer screen.

“I wanted to finish the chapter,” Micah said while sinking back into the chair. His gaze sluggishly travelled to the screen. The late hour and the unfinished work made him groan and put his head in his hands. Like a slow-moving landslide, Micah dragged his hands down his face, rubbing his eyes deeply. It only irritated his already blotchy skin.

Alexi watched his over-worked boyfriend curiously. There was something romantic about a dishevelled writer. But this romanticized version did not belong on Micah. Alexi didn’t want a melancholic, candle-lit boyfriend who captured the essence of dark academia. He just wanted a boyfriend who slept well and who took care of himself.

The boy before him was not well. Alexi knew this even before touching Micah’s forehead. He knew it while he lightly traced his fingers over Micah’s cheek. He knew it for certain when he lifted Micah’s face with a hand under his chin. Micah’s laptop wasn’t the only thing overheating.

The boy’s eyelids drooped, forcing Alexi to crane his neck to make eye-contact. “Love, you need to go to bed. You’re burning up.”

“But I told Shannon I would have these chapters done by tonight.”

“Well Shannon is going to have to wait, isn’t she?” Alexi said as he grabbed Micah’s hands to help him up from the chair. Alexi quickly found himself supporting much of his weight as Micah’s head came crashing down onto Alexi’s chest. The boy let out a low moan. “I’ve got you. Are you still okay?”

“…’M dizzy.” Either Micah was having a stroke or was too tired to speak because the words came out in cursive. “…don’t feelgood.”

Micah proved his point (not that it needed more proof) by vomiting on the floor between their feet. The only reason he didn’t fall forward was that Alexi held onto his shoulders as he heaved.

“Oh gosh,” Alexi muttered under his breath. “Oh, you’re really sick, but that’s okay.” He said it so quietly that Micah wouldn’t even have heard it. He was telling himself that everything was okay.

Thankfully, Micah didn’t immediately heave up everything in his belly. The countless cups of coffee and handfuls of crackers were still nauseatingly churning in his gut. This gave him the chance to breathe and moan in pain.

He lifted his head slowly, making his tearful eyes look like pleading puppy-dog eyes. After wiping his mouth with his sleeve, he spoke with a voice so thickened by illness. “…my stomach hurts.”

Alexi allowed himself a second to feel broken-hearted by his boyfriend’s pain. Then that second was over, and he had to ease that pain just a little. “I would never have guessed it. Now, come on.”

The small intermission gave Alexi the chance to practically drag Micah to the bathroom. He could tell it wasn’t over by the way Micah kept a hand over his mouth. At least the toilet would be a better place to throw up than on the floor.

But Micah’s belly had other ideas. His sick and stubborn stomach couldn’t wait the two seconds that it would take to reach the toilet. As soon as Alexi got him to the bathroom, Micah made a sharp turn for the sink.

This round was much more productive than the last. A torrent of bitter black coffee and whatever other snacks Micah had for dinner filled the sink rather quick. Even the sight of it made Micah heave again.

As he continued to vomit, his vision blurred and blackened around the edges. Seeing the contents of his stomach was no longer the problem. The new problem was being unable to stand.

Alexi noticed the way his boyfriend leaned heavily on the counter and the way his legs wanted to give out. He switched from rubbing Micah’s back to holding him at the waist to keep him steady. It was oddly close to how he pulled Micah into his arms for their nightly ritual. This was not how he envision the night going.

“Don’t worry about holding yourself up, Micah,” Alexi said while spotting the white-knuckle grip that his boyfriend had on the edge of the sink. “I won’t let you go. I’m not leaving.”

Micah loosened his grip ever so slightly. He leaned back further against the body that kept him up.

After a few minutes of this, Alexi was startled by a change in sound. The heaving seemed to shift into choked sobs, each retch ending with a guttural moan. Eventually, Micah was left panting over the sink with saliva dripping from his lips. Actual sobs made his whole body shake. He tried not to look at himself in the mirror because he knew a dark-eyed stranger would stare back at him.

“Micah, are you…okay? Are you done?”

Micah shook his head to say no, shaking loose strings of bile that hung from his mouth. “I don’t want to do this anymore…I’m so tired, Lexi.”

Micah was tired. Tired of the stress he put upon himself. Tired of thinking that his worth came solely from his writing. He was tired of holding himself up when all he wanted was to let someone else carry the burden for a while. Alexi was so good to him. He carried the physical burden, that was Micah himself, so well. It was well past midnight now. Decades seemingly have gone by while Micah’s body broke down from the fatigue. Alexi knew that he was tired from heaving his guts up, but he was more than just physically tired. Unfortunately, Micah didn’t have the strength to tell him about the other kind. Fortunately he didn't have to.

“I know. I know, it’s exhausting.” Starting with his hands on Micah’s waist, Alexi gently trailed his fingers up the boy’s back. He felt as if there were a barrier between him and Micah. He couldn’t get as close as he wanted. All the gentle touches in the world couldn’t take away the pain. Still, Alexi didn’t take his hands away from his boyfriend, hoping that he was providing some comfort.

He also knew that touch was not the only way to offer comfort. “I know it’s exhausting to feel like you need to finish this project so that your life will have meaning. I see you everyday, working so hard to make your dreams come true. It’s tiring to do what you do. But you should know that taking a break does not mean that you’re giving up. You’re tired, I know, so sit down for a moment and lean on me.”

Micah listened. He exhaled slowly, letting the tension go from his shoulders. He let Alexi lower him to the ground, where they both sat in front of the toilet. Micah wanted to say so much, but…

He was breathing hard again. Alexi eased the pain in his mind, but the pain in his belly persisted. There was one last round before relief.

Micah’s head was heavy. Heavy with worries and pain. It was a struggle to hold his head up while another weak wave of watery vomit fell from his mouth.

Every muscle in his body wanted to betray him. His neck almost let go, but then something stopped his head from falling towards his chest. It was Alexi’s hand on his brow.

“Ugh…thank you,” Micah said breathlessly in between gags.

“I told you, I’m not leaving.” Alexi kept one hand on the boy’s forehead and the other on his back. “I’ve got you.”

And so, Micah’s stomach finally calmed down after his over-worked and under-fed body decided that was enough punishment for the mistreatment. An event like this certainly wouldn’t happen again because Alexi was going to make sure that Micah got enough sleep, and proper food, and down-time.

“Are you done?”

“Yes,” Micah said with a hint of a smile. He was already falling backwards into Alexi’s embrace.

[spenciegoob]

Who Needs Luck?

A/N: hi! I solely wrote this because of my 3 recent visits to NY (no, I sadly did not meet mgg)... plus i’ve been going there my whole life.. this is becoming the longest authors note, but as i’m writing I just want to say the people who work at food trucks in nyc are the nicest people ever, ask them about their day (AND TIP OMG PLS)

Summary: Reader invites Spencer to go to New York City with her where he finally sees the beauty right in front of him.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Category: Fluff!

Content Warnings: reader can’t drive very well (I apologize if this is a callout post), slight road rage, language

Masterlist

Word Count: 2.4K

____

I never considered myself a lucky man. Life had proven time and time again that no matter how many four leaf clovers I set out to search for, how many pennies on the ground faced heads up I stumbled across, luck was never on my side. I’ve learned to live with it, accepted my fate as the world’s smartest punching bag long before I was even in college.

But then I met her, and as cheesy as it sounds, I didn’t need luck that morning.

The second I woke up, the universe seemed to have it out for me specifically. I swung my legs over my bed, and in my half asleep daze stepped on my glasses, successfully breaking them. Unable to see on my short trip to the bathroom, I stubbed my toe… twice. Once I finally finished my morning routine more methodically, I walked out of my apartment only to bump into a stranger, sending the coffee she was holding all the both of us.

I had tried to apologize so many times, cutting my words short when they didn’t feel right. I had gotten through a series of “I’m, uh, oh, I, you,” before her smile interrupted my thought process, leaving me awestruck instead.

“That’s okay, but you owe me a coffee now.” She giggled, actually giggled, even with the scorching liquid causing her shirt to stick to her body. “Maybe… together?”

I didn’t hesitate to agree, taking her up on the offer that weekend and never looking back. Even when a loud crash, followed by a quiet, harsh ‘shit’ woke me up in a startle, there was no regret. Maybe just a little concern for my girlfriend who now that my eyes have adjusted to the darkness, can be seen holding her knee on the floor of our bedroom.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to wake you,” she whispered out, grabbing onto the dresser to stand straight again. Once she was on her feet, she came over to sit on the edge of our bed, immediately running her fingers through my hair. If I wasn’t so worried about her knee, I probably would’ve fell asleep again.

“Are you okay?” She giggled at my scratchy morning voice before nodding her head. It’s then I realized how the sun hasn’t even begun to rise, the room still pitchblack. “What are you doing up?”

“Getting ready to go to the city, sleepyhead,” she said as if it was the most obvious answer, but truthfully, it left me with more questions.

“At... 5 am?” I sat up, glancing at the alarm clock three times just to make sure I was reading it right. She may have always been a little strange, but usually at a reasonable hour.

At this, she stood up to continue getting ready for the very early morning. Now I notice why she fell, the piles of clothes leading to the closet had to have at least half of her outfits compiled together.

“Well, yeah. I want to get there before noon.” Even in my perplexed state, I rose from the bed and carefully tiptoed around haphazardly thrown clothes to reach her.

While wrapping my arms around her waist still hidden under my t-shirt, I questioned. “It’s right outside? You have 7 hours.”

She turned to look at me funny as if I wasn’t the one digging through clothes and waking up before dawn to walk literally 5 minutes to my desired location. My eyebrows must have subconsciously furrowed at one point, because she brought her hand up to stroke her thumb on my forehead. Immediately, I felt the tension melt, no longer caring to correct my confusion. She still did it anyway.

“Not DC, silly. New York!” I wish it were untrue, but my heart dropped at her words. She was leaving, going to a city I wasn’t familiar with beyond reading about, solving cases, and memorizing subway maps. Is this how she feels every time I board that jet?

“W-what? You’re just going to New York City?” I inwardly cringed at how desperate and sad I sounded, but I really didn’t want her to leave.

“Mhm,” she mumbled, turning back around to return digging in her closet.

“For how long?” Please change your mind. Please change your mind. Please change you-

Realizing that I was fully awake, she let out a boisterous laugh, allowing the way it bounced off our four little walls to return back to us. It was a sound most treasured. “I was hoping to get back around 9.”

“What?” I leaned back to look at her like she was absolutely preposterous. I mean, she was!

“Roadtrip!”

That’s how I found myself in the passenger seat of her car, no coffee in my hand because I wasn’t allowed until I have “a real cup of coffee.” Whatever the hell that means better happen soon, because as much as I loved watching the way she concentrates on the road in front of her, my eyes were starting to droop.

“It’s going to be another 4 hours. You can sleep, my love.” How she knew me so well, I will never be able to figure out, but I was out before we even made it across state borders.

That however, didn’t last very long. My girlfriend may be short and sweet, but behind the wheel? That’s a different story. The horn to her car is a very familiar sound when I’m jolted awake by a sudden stop.

“Really, asshole? Go!” She yelled, slamming her hand against the top of the steering wheel before looking over at me. “Hey, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to wake you yet. I forgot how awful drivers are here.”

“Where is here exactly?” I questioned, sitting up from my slouched position to find cars practically on top of each other on a road not wide enough for two lanes.

“New Jersey. We’re 10 minutes away.” Wow, I didn’t realize I slept for that long, and I have to admit I’m a little surprised I wasn’t woken up sooner.

“How are we 10 minutes away? It’s at least another 30 to get to the tunnel.” Looking at our surroundings didn’t help me determine our exact location. To the left of us, there were dozens of graffiti murals on the side of what I assumed was another elevated highway. To the right, sidestreets with local businesses ranging from auto repair shops to fast food joints to gyms.

“Nuh uh, stop analyzing mister. You’ll know when we get there.” She waved a finger in my directions, putting a pin in my scrutinization. I pouted right back, successfully playing along to the theme of her scolding me like a 5 year old.

“I don’t like surprises you know.” It was the truth, but her contagious laughter that filled the car made me slightly less disinclined to stop asking questions.

“Oh I know, but trust me, you’ll like this one.” She went to go reach over to grab my hand from where it was resting in my lap, but stopped short and retracted in favor of slamming the horn. “Oh, come on!”

***

“So you drove to a train station... in New Jersey?” I asked while she was… attempting to park the car.

“Well, yeah. I’ve been taking this route since I was a little girl.” Once she finally figured out how to evenly space a two door convertible in a very spacious parking spot, she unbuckled her seatbelt, and was quick to grab her bag from the backseat. “Well, come on mister, we’re going to miss the train.”

To be quite honest, I have never been so lost in my life. I could probably pinpoint our exact location on a map if I wanted to, granted I was given any sort of information, but part of me didn’t want to. Scratch that, all of me didn’t want to, because my entire life has been planned out in front of me before, but right now, I get to be spontaneous with the most beautiful girl on the planet.

“Don’t let go of my hand,” she told me, lacing our fingers together and pulling me forward. “Don’t stop to look around, you will get pushed.”

We made it inside, and if I thought the DC transit system was bustling with people constantly, this place was so much worse. There were hallways left and right, all packed with people in a rush. It seems everybody had some place to be and zero time to get there.

“Upstairs.” We walked up two flights before reaching a platform, buying our tickets and making it just in time for a train to arrive. “I know they come every 8 minutes, but thank god we made this one,” she said as she sat down.

The cart we were in wasn’t too crowded, and once I finally found a map on the wall across from us, I saw that it was a direct ride to the World Trade Center.

“You said you took this train when you were little?”

“Yeah, I went to the city a lot as a kid. This was the easiest, and the cheapest way there.” A small smile played at her lips, obviously the product of some childhood memory. “I used to hop it.”

“Of course you did,” I laughed back with her, thinking about how an innocent looking child would be the first person to get away with sneaking onto the train.

***

“I said it before, I will say it again. Do not let go of my hand.” This time it was more stern, and if I were being honest, I would say that it got me the slightest bit nervous. She must have noticed, she always does, because she continued. “Don’t worry, it just gets congested and I don’t want to lose you.”

She was right about that, it indeed was very congested, but that was okay because she was holding my hand, and I would follow her just about anywhere if it meant she kept looking over her shoulder and smiling when she saw me. Once we made it across the way, and in front of heavy looking glass doors, she turned to me and started walking backwards.

“You okay? This is definitely not off to a great start.” She was wrong, it was off to a perfect start.

“Yeah, I’m okay, but you might want to watch where you’re going,” I said before her back hit the door.

“Please I can get here with my eyes closed.” And then we were outside, and all 5 of my senses were hit immediately. The sun was shining down on us, and before I could complain about not bringing my sunglasses, she handed them to me. My heart fluttered at the innocent act, taking the sunglasses with such gratitude even though she had already moved on to retrieve hers. “Do you smell that?” She asked.

“There are a lot of answers to that question,” I told her, not knowing if she was talking about the smell of the construction happening at the corner, the permanent garbage smell or something entirely different.

“The hotdogs, silly. Come on, there’s nothing like ‘em.” This time, I laced our fingers together, not because I was scared of losing her, I was, but I just really wanted to be closer to her. She didn’t mind, in fact, she let out a content hum and leaned her head on my arm as we walked to the stand.

“Can I get four hotdogs with sauerkraut and two grape sodas,” she asked the vendor, who politely nodded before moving on to prepare our food.

“You’re going to have a heart attack by 35,” I said as I nudged her with my shoulder. She gave me a small push back before answering.

“Is that a doctor’s diagnosis?” She asked as she took our now ready food into her hands, after paying the man before I even had time to blink. I just grabbed the two cans of soda and followed her where she was making a beeline for a park bench. “Watch out for skaters.”

“Yes, it is indeed a doctor's diagnosis.” I unwrapped one of the hotdogs before taking a bite. I closed my eyes and let out a content hum. “It may be a little worth it.”

“Exactly.” We sat there quietly, enjoying the warm weather and sounds of wheels against pavement. At one point, she rested her head against my shoulder, and I am convinced wherever she went would be Heaven.

***

“Are your eyes closed?” We found ourselves with both our hands interlocked, my eyes closed while she walked backwards. I gave an ‘mhm’ before she continued. “We’re here, just keep them closed, and…” her words trailed off. “Okay open.”

I opened my eyes to her holding her arms out in the middle of the largest bookstore I’ve ever seen. “Surprise!” My eyes were bouncing everywhere. It wasn’t too crowded, the large stairwell across the store catching my eye first. There were bookshelves tens of feet high, all loaded with different genres and authors. To the right of us, tiny knick knacks and pins and socks. It was beautiful.

“Wow,” I whispered out, still stuck in my place admiring our surroundings. She was beaming up at me, a hint of pride at her successfulness to drag me 6 hours away to the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen.

“The Strand has always been my favorite place in the city. Come on, let’s go explore.” She grabbed my hands again, pulling me deeper into the store towards a shelf labeled adult fiction.

***

Six books, three pairs of socks and a postcard later, we were back on the busy streets of New York, aimlessly walking and admiring the tall buildings and different attractions. Well she was, I was admiring the way she was looking around like it was her first time here. Maybe I should have been paying more attention to our surroundings, but no amount of skyscrapers or fountains could possibly ever match up to her level of beauty. 

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?” I asked randomly, startling her into jumping a tiny bit before giggling. She stopped us, turning to face me fully before reaching up to grab my face in her hands.

“Once or twice.” The kiss we shared on the New York streets were no different than the ones before, but this time, it felt like a silent promise. A passing between two lovers that no matter where we are, our love is the most beautiful thing there is. “I love you too, dork.”

___

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[lubdubsworld]

Change of Heart ( TaehyungxOC) (Chapter 6)

Pairing : Taehyung x OC Werewolf AU!!

Genre : Romance, Explicit Content.

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3/ Chapter 4/ Chapter 5

[ Summary :

Times are changing.

After years of being oppressed, werewolves are taking a stand against humans , demanding equal rights and fair treatment. Heading the movement is Kim Taehyung, the breathtaking heir to the Kim fortune and one of the few remaining Alpha werewolves in the country. His disdain for the human race is well known and well warranted. They killed his family after all…..

He wants to change the world , to put humans in their place but when his five year old daughter takes a shine to their very human neighbor , maybe he has to start with a change of heart , first.  ]

Warnings : Get ready for the unsexiest sex in the history of sex.  werewolf sex, knotting etc 

You can completely skip this chapter if it makes you uncomfortable . 

Literally nothing happens except that they mate. 

Chapter 6

“Luna is staying with Jimin for a week. Jimin’s sister and her kids are home so he’s sure she’ll be fine.” Taehyung said, when I asked him about the young girl. 

I nodded, slightly disappointed because I loved her and was looking forward to seeing her.

Although I suppose he probably didn’t want her to be around when he was doing....well whatever it was that he intended to do to me. I felt my pulse raise, the first tendrils of fear and panic beginning to weave through my veins. 

“You look terrified.” Taehyung commented mildly, fingers curled gently around my elbow as he led me to where his car was parked. I swallowed.

“I am terrified.” I pointed out.” I have no idea what I just agreed to.”

Taehyung hummed, fumbling with his car key and a second later the lights in a swanky black car , a little bit ahead of us, flashed with a familiar beep. Taehyung’s car looked as expensive as it probably was, black and sleek .

“Is this the car you choose anytime you’re seducing unwilling humans?” I teased. 

 I stared at the glossy metallic finish, the swanky lights that lit up along the car’s sharp and beautiful lines and my eyes caught the small exquisitely detailed silver wolf, carefully mounted on the bonnet. 

“Hmm....no one has been unwilling , so far.” Taehyung’s eyes danced with mischief. 

I rolled my eyes at that, handing over my carry-all bag when he held his hand out for it. 

“This isn’t what I would have chosen for myself.” He moved to open the boot space, lifting the small suitcase I’d packed and stowing it inside carefully.

I stared at him wondering what he was talking about.

“Someone like you...for a mate.” He pointed out and I wondered if he even heard the insult . 

“Someone like me for the rest of your life?” I gave him a dry smile.

He closed the boot sharply, the sound making me jump a little.

His gaze was intense, lush lips twisted in a frown.

“A human ...for the rest of my life.” He corrected. I felt a pang of hurt at that. It was somehow worse, knowing that I was just interchangeable with every other human of his acquaintance . He moved closer to me, reaching past me to touch the sensor on his key to the door. 

The door opened when he touched the handle, arms brushing my body as he leaned in close to me  and I flinched back instinctively..

He gave me a look. 

“Sorry...I’m just a little on edge.” 

He sighed.

“I won’t hurt you.” His voice was steady and firm , his gaze calm and soothing as he stared at me and for the millionth time, I found myself utterly enthralled by his beauty. The perfect , sharp as a blade jawline, flawless skin and sharp, bewitching eyes. 

“I think.... you know that’s a lie.” I smiled a little. He had the good grace to look a little contrite. He stepped back a bit to give me space to get in. 

“It’s not a lie.” 

I tilted my head and stared at him.

“Really? You’re telling me a human mating a wolf isn’t going to do a number on the human? ” 

Taehyung frowned, thick eyebrows furrowing. 

“It’s not going to leave any permanent damage.” 

I let out a slightly strangled laugh.

“How comforting!” 

Taehyung shrugged. 

“ It is how it is. Mating is..... an ancient ritual. Something that we’ve been doing for centuries. At the heart of it, it is something animalistic and feral because it isn’t the human part of me that’s going to be involved. And my wolf isn’t familiar with being gentle. I can’t promise he won’t hurt you but I can promise that I will help fix what he breaks.”

  What he breaks, I thought with a slightly hysterical flash of trepidation. His wolf was going to break ....what exactly?

He must’ve caught the look on my face.

“I think I could have worded that better.” He muttered. 

My tongue felt like sandpaper in my mouth.

“I’m just wondering if perhaps , a week from now,  I’m going to prefer being shot in the shoulder, to having sex with you.” I croaked out. 

His lips quirked at that.

“Not unless being shot in the shoulder gave you multiple orgasms.....no.” His eyes flashed red, boring holes into mine and my lips parted in a soft gasp. 

Arousal shot straight through my center, hot and heavy and I felt the blood rush to my face so abruptly that I was momentarily lightheaded. Feeling a bit like there was steam gushing out of my ears, I dropped my gaze away from him, down to his knees and then turned away, face flaming. 

I moved to the open door, ready to climb in hide but Taehyung moved quickly, gripping my arm and pulling me around till I crashed into his chest. 

“Tae-” I broke off when he reached out to gently cup my face, thumb brushing across my lower lip in a gentle caress. 

“You’re beautiful.” He whispered, smiling gently, “  I find you incredibly desirable and I intend to show you that when you’re in my bed. The fact that my wolf also approves of you will only make the whole thing more enjoyable for you. Trust me, I’ve never had any complaints before.” 

Certain that I was probably the same shade as a ripe tomato, I yanked my hand away from him, turning around and stumbling to the door. I got into the car quickly, slamming the door shut. I could hear him chuckling lightly outside as he finished putting away the rest of my bags. 

I tugged on the seatbelt with shaky fingers, trying not to overthink. I felt torn, confused. Like he was toying with me. He was so carefully vague about what he wanted and what he felt , it was impossible to understand him. I watched the seat belt click into place and the sat back to stare straight ahead. 

The driver’s door opened and Taehyung climbed in, powering the vehicle and slipping his belt on in one smooth move before letting his fingers play across the backlit dashboard. Soft music began crooning through the speakers and he carefully adjust the mirrors manually before gripping the steering wheel and carefully easing the care out of the parking lot.

“We’ll pick up a few supplies on the way.” He commented mildly. 

“Supplies?” 

“Medical supplies.” 

I felt my pulse jump again.

“I’m beginning to regret this immensely.” I whispered, fingers digging into my thigh as I willed myself to not scream. 

Taehyung turned to give me a look.

“you do know, I’d have to bite you, right?” 

I felt my jaw come unhinged.

“I...you... what?!” 

Taehyung groaned. 

“please don’t freak out. “ H’s voice deepened, probably in an attempt to be soothing, “ It’s just a small bite. It won’t be that deep or anything but it will leave a mark. It’s supposed to. Kind of a sign that you’re mated.”

I stared at him , dread pooling in the pit of my stomach and making me feel mildly nauseous. 

“Would it.. Would i... ?” I couldn’t even finish it. 

Taehyung looked confused for a second and then his face went completely blank.

“No.” He said shortly. 

“No, I -?”

“No, you won’t turn into a fucking werewolf, Jesus Christ” He snapped furiously,” Do you really think I’m gonna turn you into a were without your fucking consent? “ 

I felt myself sinking back into the plush leather seat in the face of his anger. 

The air was heavy with a tense silence for  a few minutes and then he sighed loudly, breath leaving him in an exhale.

“I’m.... I’m sorry. I know this is frightening for you and I’m grateful that you’re here. I want... Fuck. I want to make this... good for you. And if not good at least ...bearable. “ 

I stared down at my shoes. 

“I’m just... I feel scared because I don’t know what I’m walking into.” 

I looked up when the car slowed down and I noticed he was pulling into the parking lot of an all night mart of some  kind. I watched as he carefully pulled in between two smaller cars .

“You wanna come in with me? Or would you rather wait here?” He asked casually. 

“I’ll...I’ll stay here.”

He hummed and kept the air conditioner and the music running , moving out of the car . I watched him leave , his tall suave figure earning him dazzled looks from the people in the parking lot. 

I watched as nearly every single woman in the place ogled him, taking in the perfectly tailored slacks, the silk shirt and his striking good looks. He looked a little rakish today, having run a  hand through his hair earlier and even from a distance, there was no doubting that he was one of the most gorgeous men in the entire country. 

And no one in their right mind would think he was anything but an alpha, I thought balefully, watching the way he stalked across the tarmac, his gait predatory and focused. People stepped out of his way instinctively. No one met his gaze head on and I knew exactly why.

Staring at Taehyung was like staring down an apex predator. 

Even the dumbest of men wouldn’t be dumb enough to provoke someone who looked like  that. 

 i caught my own reflection in the mirror and felt myself shrink in on myself. 

I wasn’t ugly. 

Far from it.

 I could even be beautiful if I had a couple of hours and access to some good beauty products. But I wasn’t werewolf level beautiful. I couldn’t think of a single quality in me that would qualify me to be Kim Taehyung’s significant other. I remembered the model he had been dating, Ji hyun. She had been so beautiful. Tall and lissome with perfectly sculpted features. 

in what world could I compete with that?

 And What about.... the emotional connection?

 I groaned at the very though of it. 

Love was such an abstract thing to define but I wasn’t a cynic. I could imagine myself being in love with Taehyung, falling for him and in fact, I was pretty sure that I was already half way there already. 

I had wanted him to be interested in me when he had asked me to look after Luna. Had wanted that hot and heavy gaze on me, had wanted him to touch me,  with  less than pure intentions. But it had still  been just  a crush, albeit a big one.

Back then,  I had convinced myself to forget about it because of the sheer impossibility of it ever happening. But now, my traitorous heart was beginning to whisper little phrases of hope at me. 

 What if he likes you too....

What if he fell in love with you too....

I had to tamp down that voice before it grew any louder, I thought miserably. Did I not remember how he had looked, when he’d asked me to come with him? Like he was being held at gunpoint? 

The door clicked open again and I blinked. Taehyung opened the rear door and tossed a few bags on the seat there before the slamming the door shut and climbing in next to me. 

“I’ve asked the house keeper to stock the pantry and get the rooms cleaned. The staff won’t be around for a week so I would have to make sure it doesn’t get too filthy.” 

“I can help... to cook and clean.” I said quickly.

He hesitated before smirking a little. 

There was something feral in the smile, something lewd and suggestive and I felt myself blushing although I had no idea why. 

“What? Why are you looking at me that way....”

He shrugged.

“I just think its cute that you think that.” 

I frowned, not at all sure what he was implying.

“What does that even mean? What am I thinking that’s so ridiculous.?” 

“It cute that you think that you can still move around after getting fucked by an alpha werewolf on his rut. “ His eyes fairly danced with amusement and I felt my jaw drop.

“You- That's- “ I was momentarily incoherent with how much his words had scrambled my brain, “ ... ...How dare you!” I finished in a hash whisper. 

He laughed out loud at that. 

“I’m supposed to be selling this whole mating thing to you . I think I’m doing a bad job of it.” He shook his head, before starting the engine again. 

I didn’t reply, my cheeks hurting from the effort it took not to scream. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I held the bags carefully, while a couple of young men carried over my suitcases into the elevator. Taehyung was leaning on the counter at the reception desk and the girl behind the desk was making moon-eyes at him. 

"Mr. Kim, we’ve already spoken to the other residents. The penthouse suit if off limits for the rest of the week as you requested. Your daughter’s nanny was here earlier and she said she’ll bring Luna back when you ask her to.”

Taehyung nodded.

“Excellent. This is my fiance, Yoon Mi Rae.” He said casually and I flushed at the phrase. 

“Oh, fiance?” The woman made no effort to hide the disappointment and disbelief on her face. I smiled weakly.

“Yes. Surprised?” He chuckled and I frowned when the girl laughed too.

“Never thought you would go for a human, Tae.” She tilted her head . 

The nickname surprised me. So they were close, then?

“ Sometimes life surprises you that way.” 

I sighed, turning away at the words. I tamped down the urge to yell at him that I didn’t particularly savor the thought of being mated to him either. That given a choice I would rather be with a man who actually  wanted  me. 

But that wasn’t why I had agreed to this whole thing was it? Taehyung’s cause was bigger than both of us. My father was doing something illegal and damaging and he had to be stopped. 

That was what this was about. 

If I lost sight of that bigger picture and focused on the little things, then I would likely be miserable for a long long time. 

Little things like the fact that Taehyung had absolute no interest in falling in love with a human. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The apartment was spacious and decorated s tastefully that I couldn’t help but stop and stare. It was very obvious that Taehyung had painstakingly picked the decor out himself. A few Van Gogh paintings hung on one of the walls and the entire living space was done in muted tones of beige and also colors of rich mahogany brown with lush red and maroon trinkets for relief. 

Taehyung directed the med to leave the suitcases in the master bedroom and then once they left, he carefully closed the door behind them.

I heard the sound of the lock clicking in place and slowly, the dread from earlier returned. 

“Do you drink?” Taehyung asked casually, shrugging out of his jacket and tossing it on the couch., I watched him move to the massive fridge in the kitchen, and felt my lips trembling a bit.

“Just- Just water.” I said softly. 

He grabbed a few bottles of water and carefully poured me a glass. He looked up then and his gaze caught mine. 

Feeling incredibly vulnerable, I merely stared back. 

“Are you hungry?” He asked gently. 

I shook my head. 

He nodded, stepping out from behind the counter and walking over , holding out the glass of water. I took it from him cautiously and took a sip. 

“We need to talk about this. I don’t... I don’t want you to be blindsided by anything that happens tomorrow. “

 Tomorrow. 

“Okay. I’m listening. “ I took a few more sips of the water and he carefully took the glass from me. 

I moved to sit on the couch but he stopped me with a hand to my arm. 

“Do you dance?” He said casually. 

I blinked.

“Dance?”

He smiled and snapped his fingers a couple of times. 

I gasped when the lights in the living space dimmed down not turning off entirely but bathing the entire room in hues of gold . The light made him look ten times more enthralling and the soft smile on his face made me want to weep. If I had been half in love earlier, I’d certainly fallen the entire way down in that damned smile. 

“I think you should get used to my body first.” He smiled and stepped closer, gently wrapping one arm around my waist before grabbing my wrist and guiding it to his shoulder. I curled my fingers tentatively, feeling my pulse pound at the smoothness of the silk and the underlying strength of his muscles. I brushed my fingers gently against his shoulder blades, stroking down to his pecs and stopping when my palm rested right over his heart. 

“You like that?” He smiled, “ Because I certainly do” and there was no hint of teasing there, just genuine pleasure and in the face of such honestly, I couldn’t help but blush. 

“You’re.... big.” I finished , feeling my face flame. 

He nodded. 

“I am. Everywhere. its probably going to be a bit of a problem for you later.” He smiled and pulled a small square remote from his pocket. 

Music began to spill into the air from the speakers and I laughed at the song.

“ I was made for loving you”  Tori Kelly’s beautiful voice crooned and I shook my head.

“You are good at this, Alpha Kim.” I said softly. “Is this the part where your conquests begin taking off their clothes?” 

He hummed and began to move, one hand curving around my waist and the other lightly resting on my back. I swayed with him, enjoying the gentle intimacy.

“I actually prefer doing that myself.” He smirked and I nodded, relaxing a bit. Taehyung was likeable, not an asshole by any stretch of the imagination and surprisingly humble considering the kind of wealth he had at his disposal. 

I liked him deeply and while it was obvious he thought he had to handle me like fine china, the truth was I wasn’t even half as scared as I ought to have been. 

“You’re pretty calm now. You were..... very would up earlier.” I pointed out.

He hummed,  his fingers tracing up and down my back before resting at the base of my spine, thumb gentle as it stroked my skin through the fabric of my dress. 

“I can control it easier because you’re right here. My wolf is calm because you’re in my arms. And my rut probably won’t start till I’m ... well , for a few hours at least. “ 

I nodded.

“How do you know its starting?” I asked, curious.

He gave me a grin.

“Oh trust me you’ll know.” He muttered, pulling me slightly closer till I was pressed right up against his body, hips pressing into me gently. I felt the hard press of his erection and even with the layers of fabric between us I could tell how well endowed he was  and I stilled, backing away a little. 

“I’m.... Sorry, I...” I whispered.

But he grabbed my wrists, tugging me back gently.  

“Don’t apologize. Its alright.  You need to get used to me. Like this, I can watch how you react and back off when I want but later...I may not be that coherent. I just want you be comfortable before we start anything. “ He said softly, fingers fluttering down to link with mine. 

“Are you saying you won’t stop if i ask you to?” 

Taehyung hesitated.

“No...if you’re actually hurting or in danger , I’ll know and I will stop. But my wolf probably won’t stop if its just you getting cold feet and you aren’t in any real danger from me. “ 

I looked away, not feeling very reassured. The bigger picture, I reminded myself. I wasn’t here for a good time. I was here because he needed me and not the other way around. 

Taehyung took my silence for disapproval and gently touched my face, eyes wide with apology. 

“I’m sorry.” He said calmly, “ Wolves have....different moral codes and that's probably why its incredibly rare for a wolf to mate with a human.”

“What do you think happened with us?” I asked him, “ You obviously need a were in your life. So why did your wolf pick me?”

He didn’t reply. 

“Is this permanent?” 

“For me, yes. For you, no.”

“What does that mean?” 

“When you leave here , you can go back to your old life. You can probably meet another guy and get married if you want. I however would not be able to have another relationship...” 

I felt my jaw drop.

“That’s....” i began but he shook his head. 

“It’s alright. I’m not a huge fan of relationships. I have my work and Luna. My life is complete as is.” 

There was nothing much to say to that. 

“You wanna go to bed now?” He asked quietly . 

I smiled at how nervous he looked.

“Lead the way.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taehyung’s bedroom was almost surgical suite clean and also incredibly huge. The large four poster bed had huge ornate frames and I felt my eyes redden when I saw the handcuffs neatly cuffed to the lowest rung.

Taehyung followed my gaze and smiled.

“Ah. Thats just a precaution.” 

“you want to put me in handcuffs?” i blurted out and he laughed.

“No...I’ll be the one in the handcuffs. When I’m knotting you, my claws are going to pop and I don’t want to hurt you accidentally. The handcuffs will make sure that my hands stay off you.” 

“Okay.... “

He moved around the room, casually fixing the lights , turning most of them off and leaving only a couple of lamps near the bed on. 

“Would you like to shower?” He prompted. “ I bought... well, there's a nightgown in the bathroom that you could wear. Only if you want to .... No pressure.”

Nightgown?

I nodded and moved to the attached bath .

“the towels are in the cupboard.” He called out behind me when I closed the door. 

I stared around at the bathroom which was almost as large as the living space. A bathtub stood in the corner and it looked large enough to hold three people comfortably. A shower stall stood on the left and I quickly stripped out of my clothes and moved to the shower. 

The buttons took a little time for me to figure them out but the hot water on my body was a welcome relief. The water helped loosen my muscles and the slight twinge in my shoulder was almost fully gone. 

I wrapped myself in a fluffy towel and noticed the white box , tied together with a satin ribbon. I opened it carefully half expecting something scandalous.

It wasn’t. 

I pulled out the plain white cotton nightgown, and it looked especially fragile. 

Confused but willing to indulge him, I slipped it on quickly, brushing my teeth and fluffing my hair before stepping out. 

Taehyung was half naked on the bed and I froze near the bathroom. He was wearing just a pair of boxers which did nothing to hide his arousal. 

“You alright , sweetheart?” He said gently and the nickname made my teeth hurt. 

“Umm...yeah. So...we’re just doing this then?” 

“I think its starting...” He said tiredly. 

I startled.

“You said... I thought it was tomorrow..?”

“Guess the guy doesn’t wanna wait that long.” Taehyung muttered tiredly and his eyes flashed red. 

But it didn’t fade back to chestnut brown, the way it usually did.

Instead the irises stayed red, like a ruby , glinting across the distance between us as he stared me down. . 

I could feel the hysteric fear beginning to build and I fought to keep it down. It was okay... He was an Alpha and so his eyes flashed red... that’s all. Jungkook’s eyes had flashed red plenty of times when we were together. 

“Come here.” He patted his lap. 

“Okay. “ I squeaked. 

Feet leaden, I walked over to the bed , climbing over carefully and then scooting across the clean white sheets to reach him. i stayed kneeling near him. 

He was staring at me expectantly.

“Oh, you want me to sit there?” I pointed at his lap.

He looked amused. 

“If it isn’t too much of a bother.�� He said primly.  

 Stop acting like its your first time.

I yelled at myself internally before throwing one leg over his thighs, raising myself up to hover over him. Taehyung grabbed the back of my thighs. gripping me hard through the flimsy night gown and yanked me forward till I was seated right on his hardness. 

I grabbed his shoulders to steady myself, staring down into his red eyes as he smiled, a slow calculating grin.

"You're beautiful. I had more than my fair share of dirty dreams about you when we first met." He confessed softly, and I felt pleasure bloom inside me at the shallow compliment. Whatever, no compliment was bad if it came from a guy like Taehyung. 

“I’m sure anyone who meets you has the same compulsion,” I pointed out and he chuckled. 

“I wanted to talk to you about tonight. It isn’t because I want to scare you but because I don’t want to blindside you when it happens. Humans aren’t built to take a knot. They just aren’t. I’m going to go out on a limb and say you haven’t tried anything ....along those lines before?” He asked carefully. 

I shook my head.

“The only were I’ve slept with is Jungkook and he never-”

Taehyung snarled, so sudden and uncalled for that I nearly toppled over. A ripping sound near my waist made me balk, and I stared down at my side, where one incredibly sharp claw had popped , tearing cleanly through the fabric of the nightgown. 

“fuck... I’m sorry... Are you okay?” He whispered urgently, the claw retracting and I could only cling to him, shaking a bit.

“Um....” I stared at him and there was a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead like he’d run a mile. I realized he was struggling to control his wolf, eyes flashing red intermittently. “ Are you alright, Tae?” I asked him, pressing a palm to his chest . He grabbed my wrist before pressing a kiss to the inside of it. 

Taehyung gave me a strangled smile.

“Perhaps, you shouldn’t mention other wolves you’ve slept with when you’re with me,” He suggested and I felt my head swim. 

“Okay. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I’ve always thought possessiveness is a pathetic thing to feel for someone but unfortunately as an alpha it pretty much defines my wolf.” He grimaced. 

I reached out, carefully tracing my thumb across his forehead, dabbing up a bit of the sweat gathered there before wiping it on my gown.

“I’m sure you have other redeeming qualities.” I shrugged , grinning and he smiled in return, hands coming up to gently cup my face leading me down for a soft kiss.

The pillowy softness of his lips completely threw me off and I moaned into the kiss, one arm hooking around his neck so I could kiss him better. He tasted heady and minty and altogether delicious, tongue tracing the seam of my lips before slipping in.

There was something incredibly gentle about how he kissed, so at odds with how he behaved when he let his wolf take over and the dichotomy of it was so fascinating to me. 

Kim Taehyung with his soft subtly seductive words, his gentle touches and patient kisses was also Alpha Kim, the wolf with ruby red eyes, blood lust and violence in his gaze when he was threatened. 

When he pulled back I was panting and almost in a trance. 

“I wanted to help you get through tonight without being too hurt. Is that okay?” 

I gave him a bemused smile.

“No, I’d rather you put me through immense pain.” I said drily. 

His eyes narrowed at the sarcasm, and he lightly spanked my thigh. I flinched at the sharp pain, gone before I could fully process it but the delicious heat from the impact stayed, thrumming under my skin. 

“Vixen.” He growled.

I quieted down, watching him expectantly. 

“Why don’t you lie down?” He gave my hips a small squeeze. 

I quickly climbed off him, sinking into the mattress and carefully lying down . 

“I’ll be back. Give me a second.” 

I watched as he carefully climbed off the bed , my gaze drawn to his naked back, the strong width of his shoulders and the way it tapered to his waist. The silk of his boxers left nothing to the imagination and I had to look away, gripping the sheets and breathing evenly through my nose just to curb the urge to whimper. 

Muscle memory is a hell of a thing, I thought desperately, feeling my thighs begin to tingle. Naked man, dim lighting and bed equaled sex in my mind and my body was responding easily to the atmosphere and Taehyung’s gorgeous body was just an added bonus. 

He grabbed something from the cupboard and a bottle from the dresser and I stared, curious as he made his way over. 

“Have you ever dabbled with ....bdsm?” He asked casually , tossing the bottle up and catching it easily.  I stared at his long , long fingers, the way they looked, gripping the surface. 

I felt myself flush from the top of my head all the way down to the soles of my feet. 

“Uh... A couple of times. I was really young.” I said hastily. “ He was...uh..well he was older and...”

“Don’t worry about it. I just didn’t want you to get scared. You’ve been in subspace then?” He was making his way over and I could feel nervousness build. It took a me a second to process what he’d just asked. 

I hesitated. 

“It... I was too scared to fully let go..” I admitted. “ I fall easily and it terrified me because I didn’t fully trust him .” 

Taehyung hummed, moving closer to me and carefully placing a strip of black cloth on the pillow next to my head. He dropped the bottle on the mattress and knelt on the edge, next to me, stroking the hair back from my face and smiling.  

“I understand. Do you  feel that way with me, too? If you do, we can think of some other way to do this. “ 

I felt my eyes flutter shut at the gentle touch of his fingers. 

“I trust you.” I said softly.

He nodded.

“It’s nothing intense , I swear. I just want to blindfold you. And then maybe a little bit of impact play...i noticed you liked that....” His lips quirked. 

I blushed , nodding. He picked up the dark strip of cloth, stretched it between his fingers, testing the give of the material. 

“The blindfold is going to help keep you grounded. No distractions, yeah? I want you to follow my voice and feel my touch, don’t think about anything else ....is that clear?” 

I nodded.

“Words, angel.” He said gently. 

My toes curled at the endearment. 

“Uh... Yes.” 

“Yes, sir.” He corrected gently. 

I felt my body run hot and cold all at once, lips parting and throat going dry. 

“S-Sorry?”

Taehyung chuckled gently and I jumped when he gently placed the blindfold over my eyes, the world dissolving in black before me as he carefully tied the strip behind . 

Once it was secured, I felt the gentle touch of his finger across my cheeks.

“It’s not just about you tonight, is it, pet?” His voice had dipped lower, the drawl more pronounced. “ Don’t you think I deserve to feel good too?” 

I almost sat up , nervous and jittery because I couldn’t see him and I startled when cool hands gripped my waist and shoulder, holding me down.

“What’s wrong, angel?” 

I swallowed.

“Nothing.. I... I’m sorry. “

“Colour?”

I blanked out for a second.

“Red for stop, yellow if you want me to slow down and green if you’re okay to continue, angel.” He said gently.

I nodded again. 

“Words, angel. I need you to use your words at all times.” 

“Yes...” I whispered.

“Yes?” He prompted. 

“Yes sir.” I answered quietly.

“Good girl.” He whispered and I felt the light touch of his lips against mine. I felt my breathing even out at the gentle caress. Fingers fluttered over my hand and I felt him gently loosen my grip on the sheets. 

He gripped my wrist gently and moved it over my shoulder.

“I want your hand over your shoulder at all times. Can you do that for me? If you can’t , I can restrain them for you.” 

I was already moving them down almost unconsciously. He hummed, pulling my wrist back up and I flushed. I wasn’t going to be able to do that. 

“Please ..tie them up for me.” I whispered. 

He didn’t reply and I felt him move away , my body suddenly cold from his absence , and I took deep steadying breaths. I felt myself relaxing against the covers, lips parting as I stopped trying to hold my hands up, just letting them rest on the pillows , limbs loose. 

The touch of something silky to my wrists, made me jump, but fingers pressed my hips, stroking gently.

“Shush....its okay , baby. Let me just take care of you, yeah?” Taehyung’s voice came from right near my ear and I exhaled.

“Yes sir.” I whispered and he laughed softly, the sound mellifluous against my lobe. 

“Now you’re learning. ” He pressed another kiss to the corner of my mouth, lips slightly wet and forceful as he breathed , “ Good girl.”  and I felt the words all over me, like euphoria in my veins, spreading to every part of me.

 It was blissful, the way warmth spread through me, my limbs going lax as I felt him carefully tie my wrists to the bed post, the thought if tugging on them didn’t even cross my mind.

 All I wanted to do was to stay here forever, my head clear and thoughts practically nonexistent. It was like nothing existed, except for the endless dark I was in and the touch of his fingers on me. The music of his voice as he whispered praise against my skin. 

I felt bereft when he moved away but he was back before I could fully miss him. 

“I’m going to touch you baby.....Going to make you feel good. Is that okay?”

“Yes sir.”

“Perfect.”

I heard the pop of a bottle opening.

I felt the bed dip as he climbed on, kneeling near my legs. 

A few seconds later, fingers lightly gripped my ankle, warm and smooth.  lifting my foot up and placing it on his lap. 

My lips parted in a filthy moan when he dug his fingertips into my ankle, smoothing out the skin and pain blossomed where he squeezed, the muscles protesting as he gently massaged the knots away. 

“I’m going to get familiar with your body first.... wanna know what makes you feel good.” 

“Okay Tae....” I breathed out.

A sharp spank on my thigh made me jolt in surprise and I gasped, heat licking its way up my leg and making me clench my thighs together . The pain was sharp and stinging and it made my eyes water just a bit.

“That’s not what you’re supposed to call me, is it pet?” He sounded annoyed and I felt myself scrambling to apologize. 

“No..I’m sorry ... sir.. I’m...”

“I’m being very patient with you , pet. Next time, I won’t stop with one.” 

I nodded before quickly remembering.

“Yes sir.”

He hummed and went back to massaging my feet, first one then the other. I relaxed against the pillows, feeling my eyes grow heavy as he worked his magic on me and time became insignificant.

I didn’t know how long I’d laid there and it was only when his hands moved up, past my knee, across my thighs and then closer my inner thighs that I began to come to myself. 

“Can I take your panties off baby....” He whispered, voice hoarse.

I was breathing through my mouth, slightly dizzy. 

“Yes, sir.” I whispered. Fingers hooked on the edged of the fabric, tugging my underwear down and off me swiftly. Somehow everything inside me shifted when I felt him against my skin. The soothing pleasure disappeared, replaced by apprehension . 

“Beautiful .” He whispered and I swallowed, nervous and scared.

I opened my mouth to speak but the words wouldn’t come.

“What’s wrong angel? You alright?” He asked urgently. 

I swallowed again.

“I’m...Sir... I... what are you... I want...” I couldn’t get my thoughts in order and the panic rose again. 

“Its okay baby... tell me what’s wrong?” He whispered gently, and I bit my lips. 

“Red.... I... I’m not... I can’t ....”

He moved away at once and a second later, the blindfold came off . i blinked at the dim light and Taehyung was kneeling right next to me, worry clouding his eyes .

“You okay?” He whispered. 

“Can you ....on top of me? I’m just.. I feel so cold.” I whispered. 

Taehyung smiled, wide before nodding. 

“That’s fine. Anything for you...” 

The next second, I felt him move on top of me, hot and warm, heavy and firm and solid as he pressed into me. I wanted to touch him, to reach out and grip him and anchor myself because I felt like I was about to float away. 

“Should I take the restraints' off?, “ Taehyung read my mind so swiftly , it left me reeling. “  Do you wanna touch me?” He whispered and I nodded. 

“Okay... as you wish baby...we’re doing it your way... okay?” 

“Okay...sir.”

“You can call me Tae....” He  said warmly and I felt myself relax a bit more. He pulled on the restraints quickly and my wrists dropped to the bed t once, my shoulder beginning to throb a little but even the pain was muted, barely there. 

He massaged my wrists gently, pressed a kiss to them and I felt affection bloom inside me along with regret. 

“I’m sorry...” I whispered.

Taehyung glanced at me in surprise and shook his head.

The first time isn’t going to be perfect. It happens.” He kissed me again, gently but firmly, fingers fluttering down my waist .

“First time?” I grinned. “ Wow I didn’t know I was your first, Alpha Kim.” 

“First time with each other , brat.” He lightly spanked my hips and I yelped.

“I’m beginning to think, this whole spanking thing is more for you, than me...” I wrinkled my nose.

Taehyung grinned.

“I prefer paddles and whips actually. “ He said coolly and I felt my heart leap to my throat. 

“I-”

“Don’t worry... only with  absolutely willing partners.” He winked.

And then he groaned, eyes flashing red. 

“Fuck....” He groaned. 

“What’s wrong...?” I whispered, worried. 

“Can I touch you... I think... It’s ... My wolf... “ He muttered and I smiled wrapping both arms around his next and drawing him down for a kiss. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Is this okay....? Fuck...” Taehyung grunted and I keened as his fingers slipped in deeper, stroking and searching and I blinked away tears, face pressed into the pillow as I lay face down on the bed. Taehyung was on me, finger fucking me so well that I’d already cum twice and now my limbs weren’t functioning at all. 

“Okay...just please....” I groaned when another finger traced my entrance and a sob got wrenched out of me when he dipped it in lightly.

“Doing so well for me baby, taking my fingers so well... Can’t wait to see you wrapped around my knot....gonna claim you and fuck you so well, my pretty , pretty pet...” He pushed the fourth finger in and the stretch made me wail. 

Taehyung had a filthy , filthy mouth and everything he said made me want to cry. The stretch of four fingers was too much and I had to grit my teeth, breathe through my mouth just to stay in my senses. I took deep shuddering breaths, willing myself not to start sobbing. 

“I’m so sorry... “ He kept apologizing, alternating the push and pull of his fingers with wet, messy kisses along my shoulder. I groaned , eyes heavy as I tried to stay conscious.

“..’s too much...” I slurred, my eyes wet with tears and lashes damp. 

“Just a bit more... I don’t wanna hurt you when I... when we ... please baby...just hold on a little yeah...” Taehyung sounded desperate.

I sobbed out in protest when his fingers went in deeper, cleaving my insides and trying to make room where there was none. It went on for a few minutes and then his thumb was brushing my clit, lightly , barely a brush and I was cumming again, clamping around his fingers so hard that I felt like I was crumbling on the inside.

“Okay.... “ Taehyung kept his fingers inside me, soothing me through the tremors., “ I think... It’s okay... I think this should work.” He pressed one last kiss to my shoulder and I made to turn over but he held my shoulders down. 

“Let’s do it like this, angel.... It’ll hurt less.” He whispered and then he was pulling his fingers out , spreading my thighs apart so he could lie in between and I whimpered at the emptiness, feeling like I’d stepped right off a cliff , but before I could hit bottom and shatter, he was on me, grounding me, gripping me tight as he pressed his hardness against me.

“You ready?” He whispered.

I managed a weak nod and a second later he pushed in .

It felt a little like being stabbed straight through, only a million times more pleasurable. 

And then he was gripping my waist, lifting me up and moving me till I was on all fours, staring at the rungs of his four poster bed. He moved his hips gently, pulling out just a bit before pushing back in and I felt my eyes roll back in my head. 

He was so fucking big even the four fingers felt like too little of a stretch. 

His hands came around to grasp the lower rung of the bed. 

“Put the handcuffs on me .” He said from behind me and I exhaled harshly, trying not to collapse into the bed as I fumbled with the metal restraints. My head felt heavy, my body thrumming with adrenaline and exhaustion and I could feel the messy wetness between my thighs, dripping down the length of my legs and pooling on the soft white sheets. 

When the handcuffs had locked both his wrists in place he shuddered behind me. He was so big inside me that I couldn’t even clench down on him, my inner walls stretched so wide around him that I felt like I was inch away from coming apart.

“We’re doing this... any last wishes?” 

I smiled despite myself , shaking my head.

“Is it too late to say I don’t put out on the first date?” I choked out and his laughter, warm and inviting flooded my senses, a better aphrodisiac than the hour long foreplay he’d subjected me to. 

“Is it too early to say that I want to do this to you, everyday for the rest of our lives.” He whispered and I felt my eyes widen in shock, the confession so unexpected that I actually nearly pulled away from him. 

But before I could fully relish what I’d just heard, he was gripping the bed hard and pulling out before shoving right back in. 

“Oh, God...” I choked out as he fucked into me, each thrust carefully sharp and strong. He had insane control over his hips, the steady staccato of his body hitting the back of my thigh, loud and incessant in the quiet darkness. 

“Touch yourself for me baby..... come on make yourself cum so I can make you mine...” He said harshly and I felt the warm wetness of his lips against my shoulder, kissing and leaving wet trails as he mouthed at the skin there.....and I slipped a finger between my legs , rubbing lightly at my clit , my body screaming in protest because I had long fallen over the edge of overstimulation and this was just too much , too fast now. But I kept my eyes closed, listening to his voice as I gently rubbed circles on the swollen nub at my entrance and when I felt my orgasm hit, my eyes flew open.

“Tae, I’m....” I began , raising my head as I began to clamp down on him . My eyes widened as the hands in front of me transformed, claws popping out from each finger , razor sharp and deadly. 

I closed my eyes in terror, a scream getting torn out of me just as Taehyung growled behind me, pushing hard inside me, going deeper than I thought was even possible. The lips at my shoulder moved, pulling back and my eyes flew open in shock when twin pricks of pain bloomed on the junction between my neck and shoulder. 

Fear broke through the adrenaline fueled mess of pleasure in my head and I whimpered when he sank his fangs into me, teeth breaking skin without any effort and the hot, warm wetness of my blood as it gushed out of the tear. as right. 

Humans did not belong with wolves because this...this was just so effing painful.

And then before I could fully recover from the pain of the bite, I felt him shifting inside me. And then somehow he seemed to be getting bigger, inside me. 

“I’m so sorry , baby.” Taehyung whispered, “ Can you get the  handcuffs.?”

I pulled on the safety in the handcuff and he pulled his hands away, gripping my waist and lightly turning me over till I was on my side, panting as he stayed inside me . We lay there, staring at the side wall, him spooning me as he struggled to stay still inside me, because everytime he moved, I whimpered. 

“Just a few minutes.... I... I can’t pull out for a few minutes.” He whispered, now licking away at the blood on the bite mark and I couldn’t bring myself to respond because it felt a little like I was being split into two. 

“How... how much bigger are you going to get?” I choked out , vaguely aware that he was still cumming inside me that there was so much of it that it was beginning to drip out of me.

Taehyung didn’t reply and I closed my eyes. 

The pain was building , now, steady and sure, slowly replacing the pleasure and I wondered briefly if I should have gotten drunk for this. But Taehyung had been very adamant about me being sober. 

I flinched when he shifted a little.

“So that’s it then ? We’re werewolf married now?” I choked out.

Taehyung chuckled.

“Yes, we’re werewolf married.” He said gently and moved to touch my face but the movement jostled him inside me and I let out a low keen of pain. Taehyung froze. 

“Does it hurt too bad?” he asked worriedly.

I grimaced.

“Not the most pleasant wedding I’ve been to.....But definitely prefer it to getting shot though.” I choked out and he laughed,  stilling quickly when I whined at the movement. 

“I’m sorry. Don’t worry...Once I can move, i’ll get you the pain killers and I’ll clean the bite mark too. It’s not too bad. Don’t think you’ll need stitches even. “ 

I blinked back tears as the pain intensified steadily. 

I felt my eyes grow heavy , exhaustion slowly seeping in along with the pain.

“I think... I’m gonna pass out.” I whispered. 

Taehyung kissed me gently.

“That’s probably your body offering you some respite. You should probably take it up on that offer.  “ He whispered and I couldn’t even muster a smile. 

Instead I closed my eyes and let the darkness wash over me. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : Did I really just write 7k of bad porn ?  Why yes...yes I did. 

Also poor taehyung, my baby really tried to make it good for her :’( 

As always comments are love <3 Please show me more love <3 I’m needy.....

[xaibaugrove]

Everyone in the Krew is Problematic

I was inspired to go on this rant by someone who recently brought up a question in a server I’m in, asking why so many people in the fandom seem to hate Mako and Makorra and why. This wouldn’t be the first time I defend Mako and it most likely won’t be the last, but it might be the first time I tear him and everyone else in the Krew down in the process, only to bring them back up. Hear me out though.

I think I’ve totally accepted that a lot of people in this fandom will always hate Mako and that I will have to perpetually defend him, I understand that this is the relationship I’ve chosen with this world. But what I still will never understand are the reasons why people hate/dislike him because compared to how much they love other characters in the Krew who honestly aren’t that much better than him (in some cases, even worse!), it doesn’t make any sense.

Let me also preface this by saying, I love these characters with all my heart and soul, probably more than I should love fictional characters, but this is the life I live and with that being said, I am going to tear them apart just to prove a point. Okay, here we go.

MAKO

Most of his detractors list the usual criticisms, which are valid when isolated. He cheated on Asami, he lied to Korra, he was a terrible boyfriend and essentially he treated the women he claimed to love or care about horribly. Gee, it’s almost like the man was a teenager with no experience in having long-lasting, healthy relationships and was raised in the streets by gangmembers while doing anything to survive and provide for his younger sibling after seeing his parents killed right in front of him and suddenly being orphaned…

I think Mako has been torn down enough, so I won’t get too deep into the tearing down part for him. It really does baffle me how someone can claim to be woke and not comprehend how someone coming from poverty could possibly be a product of their environment. Like, does everyone think that poor people automatically have hearts of gold and turn out like Little Orphan Annie? Why are people surprised that when someone has a shitty life, they might do shitty things?

Also, sooo many people love Zuko, who actively tried to cause harm to Aang, Katara and Sokka numerous times, and sympathize with his troubled past. But like, sure Zuko had an abusive father and his mother peaced out of his life for whatever reasons but at least he had his uncle. Mako had his parents for maybe 8 years before they were murdered in front of him and then had...no one for the next 10 years? Except for Bolin, sure, but no other parental figure in his life. Dude literally had to become him and his brother’s own parent and joined a gang to survive, and after all that, the worst he does is acts as a bad boyfriend toward Korra and Asami and he is instantly thrown to the wolves. Something doesn’t add up. It’s just...I don’t get it.

Yes, the way he treated people was bad, but people can grow? That’s a thing humans can do. And he was a teenager, my god. No, we cannot allow our past to be an excuse for how we treat others, but we have to be aware that there is a growth process to being human. And being human in and of itself, isn’t pretty. You think Mako is problematic? Don’t get me started on your fave.

KORRA

Ok, I love this woman to death but she is ridiculously problematic. She pursued someone in a relationship and essentially forced Mako to cheat on Asami by kissing him against his will, that’s already pretty awful and shows a lack of empathy on her part, also kissing people without their consent is no bueno. But also I just have to say it for the people who might not know this. One of the fundamental reasons why Makorra didn’t work was because KORRA WAS ABUSIVE. Okay? It wasn’t just that Mako was inadequate at relationships and didn’t know how to people, it wasn’t that she was secretly confused and wanting Asami the entire time (biphobia at it’s best) one of the main problems in the pairing was that Korra was crazy abusive towards Mako. Seriously, why don’t I see this more often in those discussions??

If we need examples, I have dozens. Honestly, it’s really easy to see how terrible Korra was to Mako, I’d actually argue that she treated him worse than he treated her. I mean, they were both terrible to one another, but in Korra’s case she went through the motions of being completely infatuated with your first teenage crush, getting with said crush, then crashing and burning once you realize that you have no idea how to treat a romantic partner so after the butterflies wear off you subject them to all the wonderful aspects of your anger issues. Not only did she scream at Mako during every argument they had, she also threatened him with bodily harm if she got really angry. Remember how their relationship crashed and burned in Book 2? Here are the things that Korra did during that time. Let me reiterate, this was not okay.

Mako is visibly shaken by this!

This woman burst into her boyfriend’s place of work and violently kicked his desk out from in front of him with all his coworkers present. That is not normal behavior. That is a red flag. And after she came back, had amnesia or whatever and forgot they broke up after that scene, let’s not forget that Mako was legitimately Afraid to break up with her again. Korra made her partner frightened that they might suffer bodily harm if they upset her. Again, and I can’t stress this enough, this is not okay!

The little scene in Book 3 when Korra is lifting Mako like 100 feet off the ground with airbending while he’s screaming in fear just to make Asami laugh is cute, right? I’ll admit, I loved that little moment too, it’s one of the only instances of Korrasami development that we got, but also, there were sooo many things wrong with that scene lol. Not only does Korra terrify Mako for literally no reason, it’s also sort of just her continuing to exercise some degree of power over him for her own amusement. Almost like a subtle reminder to him saying, “I am stronger than you in every way and I can break your femur like a twig if I wanted to… but I won’t, so look how much fun we’re having!”

Now of course, there are reasons why Korra acts like this. She was isolated for almost her entire life and never learned how to treat people and be around people. The Avatar is human because they must live amongst the people they protect and that helps them develop empathy and cherish life. The White Lotus deprived her of that fundamental aspect of her duty as the Avatar and it showed throughout the beginning of the series. Clearly, she was young, didn’t see how her actions could negatively affect others and hurt the feelings of not just her partner but also friends and family (she was really awful towards a lot of people in her life!). But as the series went on, we see her having less outbursts and learning to control her temper more.

One can only assume that she does not have the same behavior with Asami because for one, I don’t think Asami would play that shit, she seems like she would electrocute a bitch in a heartbeat and not hesitate if needed, but also Korra is not the same shitty partner she used to be as a teenager. Again, kids do stupid things. Adults do stupid things. And we learn and we grow. Korra will probably make some more mistakes in her relationship with Asami. I don't think anyone can have one bad relationship and suddenly learn all the lessons they can from it and have a perfect one the next go around. I can totally picture Korra losing her temper and raising her voice at Asami if she gets frustrated and forgets who she’s dealing with. Managing anger issues is hard, I know this from experience, and it doesn’t magically get easier. Of course, if Korra does pop off, Asami would definitely put her in her place because she’s a bad bitch who doesn’t take anyone’s shit, next character.

ASAMI

You know her, you love her, you fantasize about her and you probably have her on your list of fictional characters you would totally bang if you had the chance (I know I do), yes, even your best girl is problematic. It’s interesting to me that a lot of people sympathize with Asami and very few openly criticize her (so few that I’ve never seen anyone say a bad thing about her). What’s there to criticize though? The poor girl was cheated on by Mako, had her feelings disregarded by Korra, who claimed to be her friend but pursued her then-boyfriend behind her back and then made up for it by simping for her for the rest of her life? Also her mom was murdered when she was just 6 years old, her father threatened to kill her once and physically abused her, then died right after they started repairing their relationship, essentially making her an orphan at the ripe age of 22. Suffice it to say, Asami has been through it.

So, how could she be problematic, you ask? Why, of course, through the classic Bryke technique of romance progression in storylines called Kissing People Without Their Consent

To be honest, I did gloss over this with Korra, simply because there were sooo many other issues with that woman and I just couldn’t go through every single one in as much detail but that doesn’t negate how serious this whole sneak attack kissing thing is. Sure, Asami is very emotional and lonely and sort of desperate too, (it's a little sad, really) but Mako is clearly uncomfortable and completely caught off guard by the kiss. This is also the second time this happens to him in the series! There are a couple factors that might contribute to why Asami does this and acts this way, maybe Korra’s general awfulness rubbed off on her (don’t make a dirty joke) but this is still wrong.

AND that’s...pretty much it. Kissing people without their permission is a big no no, though. Not wanting to gloss over that, but Asami really is a good person who just did a not-so-great thing. Getting burned by Mako twice probably made her a little less inclined to be as forward with anyone though, and it looks like she now takes her time and is patient in her relationship with Korra. It even seems like Asami is the only person Korra is afraid to upset, as Korra does seem more gentle and calm when around her. And who knows? Maybe Asami living a life where a majority of the time she got whatever she wanted when she wanted it might have also influenced her to be more assertive or even imposing within her relationships.

If anything, those three fools getting into relationships with each other just showed how not ready they were to be in relationships in the first place and also how not okay they were.

BOLIN

Originally I titled this as “Everyone in the Krew is problematic (except Bolin)” but then I remembered that Bolin totally kissed a woman without her consent so I deleted the shit out of that!

This asshole looks genuinely pleased with himself after essentially assaulting Ginger. Not a good look.

Sure, Bolin is baby. He will always be baby to me. But that does not erase the fact that he also actively supported a fascist dictator. Not only was the kissing without consent thing bad, but there’s also that. No matter how many times people around him warned him about the fact that he was on the wrong side of things, that he was helping someone who was putting people into concentration camps...Bolin wanted to believe the best of Kuvira. He ignored obvious signs that the woman was a dictator committing human rights violations like crazy and you know, there’s gotta be a reason for that too.

Maybe Bolin wanted to feel like he was doing something good for once. When you think about it, with his role as the comic relief in the Krew, and sort of constantly being infantilized by his older brother, I wouldn’t be surprised if the man developed some insecurity in his ability to do anything good or useful for anyone without screwing it up in some way. In Kuvira’s army, it seemed like he was actually taken seriously, he felt like he was doing something that mattered. Korra had being the Avatar, Asami had her business and mindblowing philanthropy (honestly, her ability to be as charitable as she is profitable is insane) and Mako had his police work (ACAB, tho). Bolin had...the role of being a joke. A superficial actor. A former pro-bending meathead.

Bolin lived his entire life following after his brother that once they were adults and Mako finally decided to live his own life for once, it left Bolin completely lost. And lost young men are perfect recruits for fascists.

So, in conclusion, my whole reasoning behind destroying the integrity of my favorite characters is to prove a huge point. All of these characters are problematic. They have flaws, some bigger than others (looking at you, Korra. Just...wow), but ultimately, even if your fave is problematic... that’s okay. A lot of people, mostly younger people it seems, are really obsessed with being right about everything that they do and stan. And that’s a wonderful thing, so much change has come about by the younger generations calling out people who do fucked up shit, don’t want or try to improve, and get away with it. But it’s also caused a lot of people to be unforgiving and completely unwilling to acknowledge when people do improve and try to be better.

Personally, I love my problematic Krew because having issues that you’re constantly working on internally is human. It’s human to make mistakes, it’s human to grow from those mistakes. And it’s inspiring to me, who is wholly imperfect, to see myself reflected in fictional characters who aren’t perpetuating unrealistic ideals of human nature, characters who are messy, crazy and ultimately human.

As one of my favorite manga artists and queen of impeccable character creation Rumiko Takahashi once said:

“I think that perfect people are not very interesting.”

And I will always wholeheartedly agree.

[seeker-of-the-stars]

If you are still taking requests... I require more TFP!Megs getting slightly possessive ao his special enemy and arguing with IDW!Megs... "This-is-my-Prime-go-get-your-own" kinda thing... Thank you in advance-

Sure thing! This kind of ended up being a sequel to this fic if you want to read it first (but if you don't, it's probably not necessary)

***

When Megatron's counterpart made the decision to disband the Decepticons and join forces with the Autobots, things around the base got pretty tense. The Autobots didn't trust the Decepticons, and likewise the (former) Decepticons didn't trust the Autobots. Arguments broke out frequently, and the few moments of peace were filled with awkward, uncomfortable silence.

Normally, Optimus would take on the "motivational leader" role and bring both groups together with talk about "friendship" "forgiveness" and "loving your fellow sentient beings." And if not Optimus, Megatron would scare off any potential bots from fighting by threatening to rip them limb from limb if they were caught.

In reality, however, both of them spent most of their time locked in their shared habsuite. Whenever the topic of the faction leaders' activities was brought up, the surrounding bots would shudder and quickly change the subject. It seemed to be the one thing both Autobot and Decepticon could agree on; to not acknowledge whatever was going on with those two.

Because of the fact that both leaders were... occupied, running the base fell onto Megatron's shoulders.

"Arcee, Starscream, break it up, right now! Or both of you are spending the night in the brig!"

"Tell her to stop!" Starscream cried, vents going wild from the altercation. "All I asked her was if she and Wheeljack were in a relationship, and then she attacked me!"

"That's not what you said! You asked what Cliffjumper would think about me fragging another bot right after he died, and then called me a piece of shareware!"

Starscream shrugged. "Well, if the pede fits."

Arcee lunged at the Seeker and put her hands around his throat. "You were the one who killed him, you glitch!"

"Both of you, calm down!" Megatron bellowed. "Soundwave, take them to the brig and keep them there until they learn to behave themselves."

Wordlessly, Soundwave nodded and grabbed both of their arms. Luckily, both bots had enough self preservation instincts to not put up a fight.

Megatron sighed, and looked down at his datapad. Inside were a list of incident reports, along with reports about energon rationing, job duties, and various other things. He was in charge again, whether he wanted to be or not, which meant that it was his job to break up the lover bots long enough to go over this all with them.

He walked down to their shared habsuite, and knocked on the door. inside he heard one of them mutter scrap followed by scrambling and rustling. He rolled his optics.

His counterpart opened the door, glaring at him. "What do you want? I'm quite busy."

"Megatron," admonished Optimus from outside his line of sight. "Don't be rude."

"I've just come by to go over reports. Your crew seems to be not taking the new living arrangements very well.

"Well, that's their problem," his counterpart looked back towards Optimus's direction and smirked. "I for one love the Autobot base. Much better view than the Nemesis, I can tell you that."

"Megatron," Optimus said, a hint of embarrassment coming through in his normally stoic voice.

Megatron fought the urge to gag. "That's all well and good, but someone needs to run this crew, and I need to get back to my own universe eventually..."

"He's right, Megatron. We're being irresponsible. Please come in, we can go over the reports together."

Megatron walked into the room, ignoring his counterpart who was shooting daggers at him with his optics.

"Orion," his counterpart whined in a way that did not sound unlike a young human child. "You promised we would try that thing, with your glossa-"

"Megatronus!" Optimus snapped. "That is not appropriate talk around guests! Now, if you're not going to cooperate, go downstairs and socialize with the crew while your counterpart and I go over reports.

He narrowed his optics. "Fine! If you'd rather spend time with him, be my guest! This would not be the first time you've chosen someone else over me, and I doubt it will be the last." The former Decepticon warlord stomped out of the room, leaving Megatron alone with Optimus.

"Don't mind him, he's sensitive." Optimus said. "Still, his behavior is unacceptable, and I'll be having a talk with him once he returns."

Megatron sighed, giving him a tired smile. "It's alright, Optimus, you don't have to explain. I know very well how frustrating I can be at times."

***

It was late at night, and for once the base was silent. Megatron and Optimus made great progress in their meeting, and agreed on a plan to increase energon output as well as boost morale. He walked towards his habsuite, a good kind of tired in his joints that came from a productive day.

"Ah!" he cried out as he tripped over something in the hallway and came crashing to the ground. When he checked to see what it was, he was more than a little surprised to see his counterpart sleeping on the ground outside of his and Optimus's habsuite.

"What are you doing here? You thought you could sneak in at night and steal my sparkmate?"

"What?" Megatron asked, confused. "No, I was trying to go to my own habsuite. Why are you sleeping out here?"

"Thanks to you, Orion kicked me out for the night," his counterpart narrowed his optics. "Don't think I don't know what game you're playing. Your act of wanting to talk about reports and all that nonsense might fool him, but I know better."

"It's not nonsense, it's essential to running the base," Megatron defended. "And either way, why would you not just sleep in a different habsuite if you and Optimus had a fight? We have several empty ones."

"And give him the satisfaction?" His counterpart let out a humorless laugh. "No, I'm staying right here. Either he can let me back in or he can deal with me right here, blocking his path and being a general nuisance."

Megatron rolled his optics, not for the first time today. "You're being incredibly petty, but I suppose I wouldn't expect anything less." He said. "You forget that I have my own Optimus in my own universe, if I wanted to date him so badly. You can be rest assured I have no interest in yours."

"If that's the case, then go back to him and leave us alone!" His counterpart said.

"Stop fragging your boyfriend for two seconds and help me find a way to get back home, and I might just do that!"

At this, his counterpart was silent. "I'll speak with Optimus tomorrow. Perhaps Ratchet or Shockwave might have a few ideas about how to go about making a machine capable of interdimensional travel."

Megatron softened. "Thank you, that's all I wanted since I got here. I shudder to think of the kind of shenanigans Rodimus has gotten up to in my absence." He turned to leave for a moment before he stopped himself.

"Megatron?"

His counterpart looked up in question.

"I hope you know how incredibly lucky you are to have gotten a second chance. Don't waste it."

As he walked back to his habsuite, he felt his counterpart's optics on his back, but heard nothing but silence.