it’s so messed up that I need to do cardio so I’m not dying when I do more cardio
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it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time
I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world
And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with
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thinking about the mall teens again. hundreds dead several injured
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there are a lot of reasons i think pericles is really slept on as one of the most tragic characters in sdmi, and they start with how easy it is to connect the dots that he took a mind-destroying curse full to the face as an infant. one that breaks adult humans and renders them unrecognizable, when pericles was not only a baby but is from a species that is explicitly much more vulnerable to it. right from the beginning of his life the entity obliterated his sense of self so thoroughly that there's not even a version of him who shows up in the Sitting Room.
fuck, man.
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Every once in a while I'm reminded that there are people who legitimately believe that Pokemon games only have a 1 year dev cycle and my brain goes numb. It is physically impossible for games of this size to be developed within a year
Can we just go back to saying we dislike certain games/aspects of the games instead of making up things thank you
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i do think it's kind of funny that ao3 seems to have made a blanket change to all the "mythology" tags to make them "religion and lore" (not a good change) EXCEPT the "arthurian mythology" tag, which remains intact despite a Number of people trying to get that one reworked or at least different wrangled for ages. they're like "we're taking mythology away from all the contexts where it might be applicable. and leaving it in the context where it's dubious. this is a sensible change"
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The fact that in Rio Shadowsan saved Carmen who had gone off alone vs Carmen saving Shadowsan in Japan by offering her help despite his trying to go off alone...
[Image description : a man holding his hand to his forehead, eyes closed, and saying "Poetic cinema." /End description]
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For years, I've been trying to put into words Why I give a single iota about Bendy & the Ink Machine, but it's such a tangled mess that no thread can be seperated -- they're all interwoven in a way that makes it hard to pick them out. The game, overall, makes me miserable, because I can see that there was love put into it, but a lot of it is thrown to the wayside in favor of a story that I think was retroactively improved by the sequel's recontextualizing of it, but is ultimately not worth the price of admission & majorly drops the ball.
It's easy to list things I don't like about it -- the gameplay is sparse, the combat is uninteresting, none of the chapters feel connected, the bugs that assault all my playthroughs & kill my saves are consistent & fill me with dread every time I open the game, the lack of thought in the contents of a chapter (chapter 3's wheel ""puzzle"" & the animatronic Bendy from chapter 4, in specifc, really grind my gears), which speaks to the amateurish & rushed way that the game was crafted -- there's a lot to hate, & it's easy to hate it. But I don't. Despite all that, I am compelled by this game, by what it's trying & failing & trying again to say.
It's really easy to understand why you dislike something. I couldn't have told you much about what I did like, in Ink Machine.
& then, I played Dark Revival. I didn't realize I liked the story of Ink Machine, until I played Dark Revival. It's a better made game, it's just not fucking interesting, to me, because it doesn't have a story worth tuning in to.
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in another loop…..
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Do you guys ever feel slightly unwell and you overthink about it to such an extremely unhealthy point that the thing you were feeling got 1000x worse and won't leave you the fuck alone precisely because you kept overthinking about it, jumping to the absolutely worst conclusions and now you feel like absolute and utter shit?
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stores here should stop selling sweaters because the temptation to buy is so strong, so strong, they look so comfy and cute and comfy, comfy and then you give in to the temptation and you buy it and then you delude yourself into thinking you can wear it and then you actually wear it and you spend the entire day internally crying because now you're just a soggy bag of sweat and you know what this isn't comfy anymore and you just want to teleport home and change into a plain, thin t-shirt because these comfy, comfy, cute little sweaters are not meant for this tropical, humid city jungle and then you go through the whole cycle once more
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the nice thing about being back home is that i can make poor food choices and handle the consequences in the safety of my own environment
the bad thing about this is that i am very good at making poor food choices when we're home and therefore safe, and thus must handle the consequences.
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suicide mention tw // was thinking more about my h.unger g.ames au last night and realized there sure is something to be said about michael, known to not have that stable of a will to live, as a victor who, despite his tendency to lash out, will not only Not be killed for it but if necessary they'd probably actively stop him from trying to do it himself. thinking about how i said he's probably had episodes where they had to sedate him. which could not only be about lashing out against the capitol but also himself. okay. okay i'm regular-
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i hate always feeling like the ugliest person, someone so wholly disgusting and undesirable, undeserving of love. its a constant feeling and im so TIRED
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Big fuzzy sweater.
Big fuzzy purring lap warmer.
♥️
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