#when none of my other coworkers have done that in all the time ive known them. and he's always talking to me like Every chance he gets.

[brothersonahotelbed]

genuine question. when someone pats you on the head like a dog, just out of the blue, even though they never touch anyone Ever... what does that mean. does it mean anything at all

[jeongvision]

🗣 TEACHER!AU WITH JOHNNY

PART TWO! LET’S GET IT!

pairing. history teacher! seo johnny ✗ english teacher! fem! reader (ft. english teacher! mark lee)

genre. fluff, slight humor, high school teacher au, non idol au

warnings. some cursing and super soft hours after this huhu <3 and not proofread but we can discuss that later

author’s note. this is an continuation to this blurb! this could be read as a standalone but regardless i hope this brought a smile to your face bc it certainly did for me <3

You should’ve seen it coming. Damn it, it was right in front of you all along, so why didn’t you see it in the first place?

You and your students have been grinding nonstop for the past couple weeks to prep them for the AP English IV exam. There was a time where you requested two days off from work for emergency purposes (thankfully it was nothing too major) leaving you to ask your coworker- Mark, another teacher in your department -to help fill in your students on materials needed for the exam.

Everything was perfectly fine when you came back, your coworker going beyond your expectations in taking care of your students. However, one thing you failed to take notice of is the recent changes the college board made in their AP exams, including the course you teach. After reviewing some of the revisions they made, you felt your heart drop.

They’ve added three additional sections to the exam, meaning an additional two weeks is needed to cover the materials for your students to grasp some sort of mastery on those concepts.

You have four weeks left until the exam, and you’re already compacted those remaining weeks with other necessary materials for the exam.

“Fucking hell,” you murmured under your breath.

Running your hand through your hair, you let out a tired sigh. It’s already bad enough that you have to work overtime in making revisions to your lesson plans. However, it’s worse to see the crestfallen looks on your students’ faces when you dropped the news on them. They’re already tired enough from dealing with other classes and extracurricular activities. On top of that, you know most of them are stressing about their acceptance letters from their colleges.

You dropped the pen in your hand and rubbed both of your eyelids. Relax, y/n you told yourself. Don’t worry, you can do this. You heard the door behind you open, meaning someone walked inside the teacher’s lounge.

“Hey, y/n. What’s up- Woah, woah, WOAH! What do we have here?” the person exclaimed. You let out a chortle. You could distinctively point that voice out from anywhere, and you’re sure as hell that the state of your workspace is nothing short of hell. Taking your hands away from your face, you crossed your arms and leaned back a little in your seat to look up at the latter.

“Well, hello to you too, Mark,” you chuckled. You both gave each a fist bump before he sits down in the empty chair beside you.

“What the hell happened here?” He grabs some of the documents splayed out before you, eyes scanning through the materials that you’ve scribbled on in the past hour. “Wait, what? They added new things to the AP exam?”

You sighed and nodded dejectedly. “Yep. And somehow, I gotta squeeze all those materials into my lesson plans before they take it next month.” You rested your arms on the table and rested your head on top of them. “At this point, I just want to light myself on fire and call it a day.”

Mark lets out a cackle besides you, prompting you to smile. You’ll never mention it to him, but his laughs and smiles are always infectious. It’s what makes him so well-known and loved in the English department in the first place, both faculties and students.

“Please don’t do that. We love you too much to let you do that to yourself,” he responded.

Sitting back up in your seat, you take a glance at the clock. Just four minutes before the section ends and you have to go back to teaching your classes again. You heard your coworker clear his throat, bringing you to face him.

“Do you need help with any of this?” he offered.

You shook your head. “No, it’s fine, Mark. I appreciate the offer but I don’t want to bother you with my workload.”

“No, really. It’s fine, y/n. I only teach honors and they’re all pretty ahead in their assignments, so I have some free time if you’d like.”

Just like that, you swear you could see a halo shining above his figure, your world much brighter and clearer than it was this morning. “Oh my god, yes please.” You shifted through your papers, searching the remnants of the piles before handing it over to him. “Can you please go through these and grade them for me? Here are the answer keys for them.” After debriefing him for that stack of papers, you gave him another one. “And for these, can you make some copies for me? I need them tonight so I can plan for tomorrow’s class.”

He listened attentively to your commands, taking a mental note and nodding each instruction given to him. “Okay, got it, y/n. I’ll get these done and hand them over by the end of the day.”

You’re gawking at him, surprised that your coworker is willing to lend you a helping hand. You could honestly cry out tears of joy right now, but timing refuses to let you do so as the bell rings, marking the end of a period. You both stood up in your seats and grabbed the papers on the table into a neat pile. You let out a content sigh as you both walked out the teacher’s lounge.

“Thank you so much, Mark. You’re the best,” you exhaled. Outside your classroom, you already see some students entering inside as you left it unlocked, free for them or your coworkers to enter as they pleased. You both stood next to its entrance before he shrugs his shoulders at you.

“Hey, I mean it’s what I do best, right? Being the best.”

You rolled your eyes and gave him a playful shove, earning a laugh from him. Saying goodbyes to one another, you walked inside your classroom. You nodded to the students present. “Afternoon, class,” you greeted.

“Good afternoon, Miss y/n!”

“Miss Y/n, there’s a bouquet of flowers on your desk,” one of your students called out. You raised an eyebrow. Flowers? Looking over to your desk, your student was certainly not lying and neither are your eyes. Perched in the middle of your desk lies a vase filled with varying colors of tulips. Petals are in full bloom and the stems are clipped uniformly. You walked over and saw a notecard attached to one of the flowers.

“Who is it from, Miss Y/n?”

“Yeah! Who got you flowers?”

You looked up and realized more of your students are present, capacity almost at its max. Class was starting soon so more and more are rushing in to see the surprise gift settled on your desk.

“Is it Mr. Kim in the science department? I saw you two walking together in the hallways last week.”

That assumption piqued your interest. “Wait, Mr. Kim? The physics teacher?” you asked. The student, Krystal, nodded, causing you to huff incredulously. “Krystal, please. We’re merely just friends.”

Another student chimes in. “Friends don’t lock arms with each other at work.”

“Jongin, please. Your last girlfriend only stayed with you for a month and she started dating an upperclassman a week later.”

“Hey—”

“Guys, calm down,” you interjected. “As much as I love you crazy bunch, I am still your teacher. Therefore, what occurs in my personal life stays private, and how much I am willing to share with you all lies in my discretion.” But unbeknownst to you, one of your students sneaks behind you to get a glance of the card, discreetly reading the contents:

‘The best deserves nothing less than the best.

Yours truly.’

The student, Luna, almost lets out a squeal. “Guys! Guys!” You jumped in shock, startled by her sudden presence and her high-pitched voice. “I think it’s Mr. Lee! The other English teacher!”

All attention is now on her, excitement filled in the air.

“Mr. Lee? The one that teaches honors?”

“The one with boba eyes?”

“The one that laughs at everything?”

Luna nods to each question, visibly thrilled with the subtle jump in her steps as she walked towards her classmates. “Yes! I heard Miss y/n calling him the best earlier and Mr. Lee joked about being the best! And in the card, it said ‘the best deserves nothing less than the best’.” The bell rang, marking the beginning of the period, but that didn’t stop your students from chattering with happiness, faces completely wiped from fatigue and stress of the upcoming exams. Some students entered your classroom late to the discussion, prompting other students to fill them in only to also be electrified by the ‘news’.

You run a hand through your hair again and sighed. Not this again, you thought to yourself. But just before you could jump in to stop all this chaos, you heard someone knock on your open door, diverting your attention and your class’ to the intruder.

“Well, good afternoon, class,” the person chuckled. “Why’s it so boisterous here? Did I miss a party or something?”

Of course, what better person to appear now of all times? It was none other than the infamous history teacher, Johnny Seo. You rolled your eyes before laughing. Coincidence, my ass.

“Mr. Seo! Someone gave Miss Y/n a bouquet of tulips! She has a secret admirer!” Luna stated.

He raised an eyebrow at her direction. “Oh, does she now?” He looks back at you with a grin. “Did Miss Y/n find out who this secret admirer is?”

“We think it’s Mr. Lee from honors English.”

“And what makes you think so?”

“Because we heard her call him the best earlier before class started, and the notecard called her the best.”

“Coincidence? I think not,” Jongin nodded.

All of the students followed along in unison, profoundly proud of their assumptions that left you shaking your head in disbelief. Surely, you had a smile on your face, but it’s surprising to know how your students are able to make such large assumptions based on groundless evidence. You sat down in your chair and turned on your computer, getting your lesson plan ready for the period as your students entertained themselves with Mr. Seo.

Johnny takes it all in, nodding to all of them before walking up behind your desk. “Well, I think it’s safe to say that you don’t pester too much to Miss y/n about it. You know how much she likes to keep her life private.” While you were browsing through your saved files and pulling up powerpoints, you felt the latter tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “Right, Mrs. Seo?”

And just like that, your hands stilled. Wait, did he just—

“Hold up..”

“What?”

“Did you just—”

“Mrs. Seo?”

“Huh?”

You squeezed your eyelids shut. Oh my god, here we go again—

“YOU GUYS ARE MARRIED??”

jeongvision’s milestone event!

[william-nylander]

having a very rough day, do you have anymore top willy moments to gift us?

i am so sorry u are having a rough day pebble. i decided to go a bit rogue with this, in that it is instead a Top Willy Interviews On the Leafs Youtube Page listicle. i hope it makes ur day a teeny bit better.

idk if you’ve ever been to toronto BUT this look is very like. like this willy lives in the junction and hates the “noise” of the downtown and has waited 2 hours in line for bangbang ice cream in august. he likes to smoke weed in trinity bellwoods. he goes to poetry readings on bar roof tops and says shit about how everything north of dupont is “north york”. hes been known to sit at the piano in the common room at university college (uoft) and play scales. he can and has fucked ur boyfriend.

this willyum is your coworker at canadas wonderland one summer. he does not know what hes doing. he is either like :| or like :D depending on the moment. his nose gets sunburnt at the beginning of the summer but only ever in a charming way!!! u never see it peel. he works the stuffed animal stands and cannot understand why his has a line and none of the others do (hint: its bc every1 has a crush on him!!!!). before the park opens he wanders around with one of those velcro monkeys around his neck. he likes the mindbuster the best bc thats MY favourite ride and this is my listicle. 

also i miss willys gigantic front teeth gap. he used to have little tombstone teeth. what has he done to them. 

hey i love kyle dubas with my whole heart and all but there was something to be said about how when lou made them all be clean shaven and hair short it meant that willys hair was always kinda like a dragon ball z character and also his skin was all fleshy and elastic like a babys arm 

speaking of kyle dubas i found this choice shot of willy blinking while kyles prattling on about nothing and like has anything ever been more My Aesthetic 

god. has any1 ever been more iconic. this willy lives just north of bloor on dufferin and will tell anyone that the ossington strip is the “most underrated part of the city” (& hes right!!!!). they know his name at sugo. he takes all his out of town friends there and he gets tattoos at ink + water (thats at lansdowne right? now ive confused myself). he goes to the value village there and owns 29 pairs of sunglasses. he has his bed on the floor. he listens to a lot of better oblivion community centre. he long boards. he goes to bulk stores for groceries. he wants to start brewing his own kombucha. actually u know the more i typed this willy might just be me whoops.

this man is my next door neighbour for the summer in cottage country. he has a fishing boat but he doesnt fish because fish suck. i invite him over for bbq and telling stories around the campfire. we drink shitty beer. he is not interesting but he is hot. maybe we make out on the dock. willy looks weirdly good in green.

whenever someone has bracelets on their wrist my mind goes str8 to SUMMER CAMP. willyum is a camp counsellor at a camp maybe on like idk lake erie or some shit. he is a cabin leader and he loves his little sprouts/campers. frederik gauthier is the HEAD LIFEGUARD and willy thinks hes so funny and weird and sweet and cute and he doesnt realize!!! until the end of camp!!! that he has a big crush on freddie goat!!!! its the last night of camp and theres a big campfire and a camp dance and willy asks goat to sneak away with him. they go down to the beach and sit on the picnic table under the lifeguard tent and willy kisses goat and its very romantic. 

okay 1) love a man in a puffy coat & 2) there is something about “my father will hear about this” draco malfoy looking like He Was a Diplomats Son mp3 willy that just really gets my goat. he went to a boarding school in the swiss alps and fucked ur girlfriend. he has a closet for his shoes. he dated a member of the swedish royal family for a summer but broke up with him bc he was too clingy.

speaking of that bitch…..here he is again. this is after his tour after high school. he rented out an apartment in lisbon and would smoke cigarettes with beautiful people on the balcony. he spends a month in the south of france turning golden on the rocky beaches and buying dinner every night from the market on his way back to the hotel. this willy takes molly at a gay club in dresden and wakes up in an architect students bed and then he goes to the park to sweat off a hangover and pretend to read nietzsche  

this willy is absolutely the rapscallion son of the president. whats that movie with mandy moore (maybe???? oh no wait i just googled it its katie holmes) - that movie with katie holmes where the first daughter like falls in love or whatever?? this is willy. OOH IVE GOT IT. okay so this willy is absolutely a zoey barlett type from the west wing who is very cute and everyone loves him even though he is a spoiled brat sometimes/all the time. ENTER the assistant to the president - zach hyman - in a charlie young role. they fall in love over a pot of chilli. its the most beautiful thing u have ever s33n. 

okay so like willy is the new Legal Assistant at the office. kyle is a Partner in Law or whatever tf they’re called. willy and he are Working Late One Night and u know what that means…..they go to rol san bc its open until like 6am and they eat the FUCK out of some dumplings and then kyle drives willy back to his apartment (maybe in this one he lives in a shitty place at yonge & college???? like classic “roommate in the living room” toronto living??) and they KISS in the CAR and its ROMANTIC.

this willyumm is your date for thanksgiving dinner. he comes extremely bundled. my parents live north of toronto so i imagine this willy driving us north for the weekend. his scarf is very evan from skam and its sexi. he does not like the folk playlist that you have put on but its FALL and the TREES and OCTOBER MEANS HOZIER and hes like UGH FINE WHATEVER and is a bit grumpy but then u pass thru the holland marsh and he’s like “hm smells like onions” and its all fine again. his laugh confuses your extended family and he sucks at scrabble and is a pouty bitch about it but its a GOOD TIME.

god THIS WILLYAM is ur older brothers BEST FRIEND and he comes over to play video games ?? i guess ?? i never had a brother but i YEARNED to crush on a brothers best friend. he is very handsome like a lion. maybe you write some weird diary shit about it. every time he comes over ur SO WEIRD and he KNOWS ABOUT UR CRUSH and hes VERY NICE ABOUT IT.

also would a willy listicle be complete without me marvelling over his long straight nose??????????? look how straight it is!!!!!!

this will ham is in ur intro to gender studies class on friday mornings in sid smith. hes in one of ur projects and hes got no fucking clue whats going on. hes on the varsity blues hockey team and he thought that he clicked on “intro to geography”. despite the fact that he has no idea whats happening ever hes enthusiastic about listening. one time u go for coffee at mallo across from where honest eds used to be and he asks u what the male gaze is. 

okay. i hope u enjoyed this. it took me awhile and i enjoyed every second of it. to conclude, here is several screen shots from my favourite willy interview:

u ever see a man more beautiful

lil elastic face weirdo 

[sailorbellewrites]

Fools Rush In... VII

characters — yoongi x reader (ft. members of bts and other original characters)

summary — min yoongi, music executive and perpetual bachelor, marries a las vegas stripper he’s only known for six months. chaos ensues.

inspiration —  fools rush in (1997 rom-com starring salma hayek and matthew perry)

information — a drabble series loosely based on the 1997 movie fools rush in. drabbles not posted in any linear order and written as a creative writing outlet. 

warnings — mentions of sex work; age-difference; light sugar daddy themes; smut; light angst (specifically in parts V & VI).

I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VII - VIII - IX - X - XI

VII — suga (ft. jimin)

Yoongi fucked up.

Or at least that’s what he thinks when Jimin hands him two large stacks of 20 dollar bills. He’s sure it’s no less than $5,000 USD, but he won’t count it. It’s not the first time he’s seen that amount of cash up close, but it looks strange coming from his friend’s hands. “Can you please, please try to have a good time for once?” The younger male begs him, blond fringe damp with sweat and sticking to his forehead. “Who comes to a strip club angry?”

“Someone who is forced to come to a strip club.”

“No one forced you to come here,” Jimin laughs, shoving his hands in his pockets. Yoongi hates how comfortable he looks in this environment. The man always looked like he belonged, regardless of where he was. He was like a chameleon, able to shift and fit in anywhere. Yoongi envied him—having that kind of ability was critical in his industry. Why a pretty boy like Jimin had it was anyone’s guess. “You know this is better than sitting in your hotel room.”

“My hotel room doesn’t smell like overpriced beer and cheap perfume.”

“Lighten up! You were fine with the smell when it was on your ex—”

“I will bury your body in the desert.”

“I left a note in my apartment saying that if I came up missing, it was you.” Yoongi rolled his eyes, shifting his sights to two girls spinning around each other on the same pole. They looked almost angelic, the white of their outfits contrasting nicely against the dark walls of the club. He had half a mind to record the act and send it to one of his artists as inspiration for a music video, but decided against it. He didn’t want to capture them without their permission and he certainly didn’t want to talk to them to ask for it. Jimin heeds his gaze. “You think they’re cute? Want me to get you a lap dance?” 

“No, thank you.”

“Aww, come on! They’re fun. When was the last time you had even one beautiful girl rubbing up on you? Knowing how much of a bore you are, it’s had to have been years. And we’ve all seen your ex, so we know she doesn’t count.” 

Yoongi rolls his eyes at Jimin’s exaggeration. They both knew that Yoongi was in a position to have sex whenever and where ever he wanted. But he had been bored by his options lately; work always seemed more fun, more fulfilling, more worthwhile than the quickies he could have in his office. It had been a few months since he invited anyone over. Jimin didn’t understand, of course; he was made for the bachelor lifestyle.

“Let me get you at least one.”

“No.”

“Why? You don’t trust me?”

“Absolutely not.”

“I’m getting one you one anyways,” he declares, promptly running off before Yoongi can stop him. He leans back on the couch that he has taken residency on, hands curling around the cash in his lap as he shuts his eyes. He hates Las Vegas; he hates all the lights and all the people running around flaunting their lack of shame; he hates how everything looks so alive when it’s all so clearly dead. He wants to be home, in Seoul, in his bed. He wants to be a bad friend and not travel with Jimin whenever the man demands. He wants to sleep.

He isn’t sure how long he sits there by himself—it could have been two minutes, but it just as easily could have been twenty. Time, Yoongi thinks, does not work the same in Vegas. Eventually, though, he hears a loud, cackling laugh paired with the familiar tinkling of Jimin’s giggles. “This is who you want me to dance for?” A voice says, clearly amused.

“You should see him at parties,” Jimin replies. Yoongi takes this moment to crack his eyes open. A grimace settles onto his face as the first thing his eyes land on are a series of thin black leather straps criss-crossing around pushed up cleavage. His eyes follow the road of straps running up a smooth chest and neck before they land on a face—a gorgeous face—holding an amused grin. Jimin snickers as he says, “Yoongi, I made a friend. She will dance for you.”

Yoongi’s eyes snap to Jimin now as he says, “No.”

“Oh come on—”

“Don’t be nervous,” you speak up suddenly, the grin on your face turning into a more genuine smile as you take a small step forward, reaching out a hand towards him. Yoongi cocks an eyebrow up at the move, making you laugh. “Oh come on, I don’t bite. It’s fun.”

“And I already paid her,” Jimin speaks up. “So you have to do it or you owe me a lot of money.”

“She can dance for you then,” Yoongi responds, though his eyes stay on you and your expectant gaze.

“I already have a dancer waiting for me.”

“How much money would I owe you, then?”

“A lot,” he stresses, in a way that has you rapidly nodding in agreement. “So get your ass off this couch and go.” Yoongi lets out an annoyed huff, mentally weighing out how much money he would be willing to drop in order to avoid getting a lapdance, before deciding that the idea in itself was idiotic. Slowly, he makes his way to his feet, shoving the money in his pocket before gesturing for you to lead the way. Jimin lets out a self congratulatory cheer as you begin to lead Yoongi away from the public couches and towards the ornate gold and black doors labeled Champagne Room. 

“I don’t want you to dance for me,” he says as soon as you shut the door of the room. He refuses to even sit down on the leather couches, eyes routinely focused on your form as you turn to face him fully. He takes in your entire outfit now, noting how the tiny shorts have three extra straps resting on and above your hips and how tall you look in platform stiletto boots. A classic red lip and curled hair made you look especially sinful to him; Jimin clearly knew what he was doing by asking you for the private dance. 

“You know it costs at least two grand to reserve this room. I have to—”

“Waste his money.”

Your brows pinch together in confusion. “Excuse me?”

“I didn’t want to come here anyways. No offense to what you do, but strip clubs aren’t my thing.”

“None taken,” you say with a shrug.

“So don’t dance. Don’t give me what he paid for. Just… sit here.”

“Sit here for an hour?” You question cheekily.

“He reserved you for an hour?” Yoongi asks incredulously, shocked by his friend’s willingness to drop that amount of cash at a strip club. Jimin wasn’t hurting for money, but he wasn’t a frivolous spender either. Unlike some of their friends who dropped cash for sport, Jimin always seemed a bit more careful about what he chose to swipe his card on. Yoongi saw no less than $10,000 USD leave his friend’s hands. 

“Technically, dances only last thirty minutes, but he paid more because he liked my name.” At your words, Yoongi lifts his eyebrow. You stick out your hand for him to shake, stating, “I forgot to introduce myself. Hi, I’m Suga Baby.” Yoongi can’t help it. He laughs. It’s a deep, hearty laugh that shows all his teeth and gums. Jimin must have thought he hit the jackpot. “Hey, what’s so funny?” You question, trying to sound offended although your own giggles at his laughter betrays you.

“Your name… it’s just… similar to mine,” Yoongi laughs out, noting how you seem to smile wider at his words.

“Your name is Baby?”

“Suga,” he answers, coming down from his high. “Or that’s what people call me at work.”

“Tell me why.” You request, your head cocked to the side in curiosity, eyes open wide in a way Yoongi isn’t prepared for. You look interested, and not in the way that women in Yoongi’s circle tend to look “interested” when asking him about work—no, not like that. You look at him as though you actually care about the story he has to tell.

So he tells you. He tells you about his name and his company and his friendship with Jimin. He tells you why he’s in Vegas and why he was in New York City before that and New Orleans before that. He finds himself sitting next to you on a plush velvet couch as he asks why they call you Suga Baby and if you like stripping and who your worst client was. You press your hand against his shoulder as you tell him how your family reacted to your job and your favorite coworkers and your upcoming vacation to Los Angeles. And before he knows it, his hour with you is almost up and all you two have done is talked.

So he tells you, then, that he doesn’t want to stop talking to you. That he wishes he could spend more time with you than this because it is the most relaxed he has been since coming to the city. 

And he doesn’t expect much to come from it; doesn’t even know why he’s sharing these words with you, but it feels right. And it feels right when you tell him to wait for you at his car because you want to keep talking to him too. And it feels right when he stumbles out of the Champagne Room and tells Jimin to find his own way to the hotel. And it feels right when you run outside 15 minutes later, sweatpants low on your hips and a too tight sports bra digging into your shoulders because it was the only clean thing you had. And it feels right when you slip into the passenger seat with a smile that he can’t place quite yet, waving off his concerns of getting you in trouble with a simple request to, “just drive.”

So he does and it feels right. 

[hes-writer]

A Cheat IV

How about when y/n is engaged with her boyfriend and how happy she is with her life but harry is still miserable. He misses her so much that he begs her to take him back, like literally begging. He tells her that he’ll do anything bc it hurts him to see her getting married with someone else. But y/n isn’t having any of it so she tells him “you already took my heart for granted and left me broken. But now i finally found my happiness again, you’re going to take that away from me too?”

Summary: Harry cheats, Y/N is happy

Warnings: angst

Word count: 3.6k

“That’s what I hoped and gee thanks, have fun with yours too if you ever get over me,”  Harry smirk at her menacingly.

She rolls her eyes, burning from the tears she held back. She remains strong.

“Don’t worry, I will.”

Y/N couldn’t believe how well things have been going for her. In the past eight months after her and Harry’s horrid conclusion to their relationship, Y/N had finally graduated from university after four grueling years of late nights and caffeine coursing through her system. She had gotten a puppy—something that she’d always wanted, but never took the initiative to get one. After tossing her cap in the air during the ceremony with Alan beside her, she was offered a job at a well-known law firm only a few weeks after. Everything is going great.

Not a few days ago, Alan had proposed to her and the engagement ring on her pinky finger was proof of a powering relationship, glimmering against the light of her wooden work desk serving as a backdrop. She smiles to herself, thinking how things finally turned around for her. One of her coworkers passes by, noticing the jewelry adorning her finger and stops to eye her suspiciously, a smile stretching over her face before squealing as Y/N nods shyly. She congratulates Y/N before walking away to her own table.

Y/N’s phone ‘dings’.

Alan

“hey babe, im cooking dinner tonight

what do u want? :))))”

She sighs with satisfaction, having someone supporting her through everything made her feel wanted. Alan is the perfect match for her. Regardless of dating for only six months (they've known each other since high school), he’s been a sturdy shoulder to lean on during the past two where she altered between crying over Harry or being a strong, independent woman that has had enough of being treated like shit. When he asked her out, granted a bit timidly since he wasn’t exactly sure if she was ready to move on, she hesitated but she trusts Alan. She also told herself that not all men are like Harry.

-----

Irene and Harry’s relationship didn’t last long after Y/N caught them in the bathroom. Actually, it ended not too long after. Since Harry’s attention was focused solely on her, Irene took advantage of that and asked him to purchase her a bunch of things that she ‘probably didn’t need’, Harry thinks. I mean, did she honestly need four of the same bags in different colours? Or having Harry book five-star restaurants around the city to celebrate Irene's friend's brother-in-laws birthday? Ridiculous. The price didn’t bother him as he had enough money to buy an island, but hearing her talk his ear off about a new Versace handbag or the recent fall line of Jimmy Choo heels that she just had to get her hands on; he’s had enough. Before officially officially splitting from Y/N, Irene had asked him to buy her stuff, sure, but it used to be minute things like a new perfume or some brand-name makeup. But now, it’s as if she thought her name was titled to Harry’s earnings, threatening to break up with him if he didn’t comply.

At first, he gave in to everything, mistaking the fear of Irene leaving him as something he was deathly afraid of. But now, realizing that the feelings he held for were nothing but sexual infatuation, something exciting and thrilling in his life. Now that he had nothing to hide, his life was giving an off vibe–yearning for Y/N’s presence. Yes, Harry missed Y/N.

He first felt a twinge in his heart in that bathroom, slowly but surely, it kept coming back stronger and more frequently. It happened especially before bed, when Y/N would usually speak to him about her day or ask him about his, or even caress him with gentle touches to calm him before sleeping, he misses her gestures that he only thought of as pestering and nagging during the last few months, but really it was nothing more than actions of love and concern. Irene never gave him a second glance, she cuddled into his chest, manicured razor sharp nails scratching his chest as if to be done as a calming notion, but Harry feels it as a burning sensation that urged him to shift uncomfortably from the woman beside him.

Irene was different from Y/N, stating the obvious. Y/N cleaned the house routinely, cooked the most flavourful dishes, and stocked the kitchen and bathroom with supplies efficiently. Harry believes in splitting the workload and chores between people who lived in the house –which was both of them– but Y/N took special charge in the household activities, saying that Harry needs his rest after being busy the whole day. He feels like a jerk sometimes knowing that she was stressed too, yet she continues to work harder than anyone he’d ever met. Besides that, his comparison was that Irene was rather unforgiving with chores. She’d requested many times that Harry hire someone else to do the work for them, she didn’t even live with him! Saying that her nails were too expensive or that her hands were too precious to handle the pressure of cleaning anything in the house. And when Harry did hire someone, she looked down on the helper as if she had the right to do so. Harry powered through her attitude for the good—recently mediocre— sex and the company.

As things got worse, he didn’t know how much more of Irene he can handle. When he received the news that she was cheating on him with her boss, he snapped. He spoke to that guy in person about giving Irene a promotion and this was how they repaid him. Frankly, it didn’t hurt as much as he’d thought; it didn't hurt as much as his break up with Y/N. He was relieved that she wasn’t going to be around anymore. But all things have an equal and opposite reaction because now, Harry felt extra lonely.

The slight twinge in his heart built into something grander when he was left alone with his own thoughts. Replaying his memories with Y/N trying to see where it went wrong. And at that moment, Harry realizes that it was all his fault. He was the reason why they drifted, he was the reason why she packed her things and left their house with nothing but a few stacks of bills in her hands to last for a few months because he’d essentially kicked her out of his life. What was he thinking?

-----

Y/N was on her lunch break for the day, deciding to grab food at the cafe a few blocks from the firm. She was hastily carrying herself through crowds of people with somewhere to go. Once she arrived, she stands behind a lengthy line of customers waiting to state their order to the cashier. Although Y/N rarely strays from getting her regular items, she scans the menu briefly anyway.

Her turn comes, ordering and paying for her food, she was asked to wait on the left side. The main entrance bell chimes, indicating that someone new had either left or entered the café.

Harry walks in with his grandpa hat covering much of his hair and he hopes that it's doing a good job at disguising his face. His hands held tight in his pockets as his lanky legs move him to the line-up. He did not need to look at the menu since he always gets his coffee black. Instead, his eyes scan the area, looking for watchful eyes from people who have recognized him or casually inspecting his surroundings for the sake of it. His eyes land on a familiar head of hair that he has to blink thrice to make sure of what he was really seeing.

There stood Y/N clad in her matching pantsuit, hair in a ponytail and a bag clutched on her elbow. She looks sideways and he was blessed with a side profile of her face. Oh, how he misses her. He decides to take a detour from his usual escapades and makes a beeline towards her.

"Hey"

Y/N turns around, face visibly displaying a mixture of disappointment, confusion, and anger upon seeing Harry.

"Hi," she says curtly, before turning around as her name was called. She grabs her latte and croissant, turning around swiftly before lightly knocking shoulders with Harry's broad ones, make an escape route to the exit. Even though she still had an hour or so left on her break, she doesn't think that she could handle spending any more time with Harry in the vicinity. So she exits and makes it out on the street that has cleared some during her fifteen minutes indoors.

"Y/N! Y/N, wait. Please," Harry shouts from behind her, weaving his way around people blocking his way to Y/N.

"What do you want, Harry?" You.

"I saw you and wanted to say hi," he explains, eyes finding hers trying to find any kind of emotion that meant she was somehow glad to see him. H finds none.

"Well, you said hi. See you around," Y/N briskly tries to walk away once again but is stopped when he grabs her wrist. A chill makes its way up her spine, heart beating untimely. She gulps.

"Please, Y/N. Let's talk,"

She pretends to look at her watch, rolling her eyes before saying, "Fine. You've got ten minutes,"

The pair walk side-by-side towards a nearby park. The silence between them was uncomfortable for both. Sitting on a bench, Harry shifts his body facing her, clearing his throat.

"I want to apologize for-for what I did before," Y/N can tell that he's nervous by the way his body language breaks down in from of her.

"You mean when you cheated on me and I caught you fucking her brains out in the bathroom? Or was it when you knew that your feelings changed for me but you led me on anyway?" Y/N raises her brows accusingly.

He gulps in response.

"Y-yeah for that. Look, I thought about it and it turns out that I still love you, Y/N. I still have feelings for you,"

She takes a bite of her croissant, shifting her gaze somewhere else and further emphasizing how uncomfortable she was feeling right now.

"And if you'd let me, I want to give it another try. I promise I won't ever do it again. You deserve the world and I'm willing to give it to you. I'll do anything that it takes to have you forgive me," he pleads seriously. If he had to jump off of a bridge for another chance at Y/N's love, he would do it. He will do anything to have Y/N forgive him. Anything.

He was blind without her, lost without any guidance and navigating the world alone. He needed Y/N to tell him that it was gonna be okay when times go rough; he needed Y/N to love him like she did before, the way he does for her right at this very moment. He wants to relive the past where he didn't take her for granted--when they were happy. And if he can't, he might as well give it another shot, to experience the happiness she brought him once again by trying the circumstances. He was ready for it if she was.

"I'm engaged, Harry."

His eyes were like laser beams boring through her face; eyebrows furrowing, lips pursing open and closed and his chest felt crushed from the force of her words. She didn't say in a tone to spite him or make him jealous, it was soft and gentle–merely stating a fact that he obviously missed out on because What?

"Engaged? Y/N, what are you talking about," He spits out nervously, not wanting to accept the truth but wanting to learn more about her status. It’d only been eight months, surely she couldn’t have moved on that fast. You’re one to talk, Harry. He snickers to himself.

"Alan and I—we're getting married," She takes a sip of her beverage, ring glinting against Harry's green eyes and he swears that he just saw his life flash before his eyes.

There it is. The ring that bonded Alan and Y/N together, glistening in the sunlight, taunting him. It rested so gently on her pinky as if it was meant to be there. When Harry imagined this moment, she wore a ring that he had given her because he was the one who got down on a knee, declaring his undying love for her, praising her for her beauty and grace, and asking her the question he'd pictured himself repeat about a hundred times under his breath trying to find the best way to ask her to be his wife.

"Y-you're getting married? Tell me you're lying," He sounds angry, demanding, and in disbelief of what's unfolding right in from of his eyes and ears. "Tell me that you're pulling my leg, love," he says his second statement with great vulnerability, voice cracking in the middle of it to which Y/N retracts her neck, appalled.

"No, I'm not kidding. Why would I do that?" Y/N was confused about why Harry was reacting the way he is right now. Shouldn't he be happy for her? After all, he did break it off between the two of them so he had no right to feel hurt or pained. He had Irene.

"Because I wanted it to be me!" He all but yells at her face. Neck vein straining from the blood rushing to his brain, making him dizzy with the knowledge he just received. Palms sweating profusely forcing him to wipe it on his jeans before he takes hold of her empty hand, taking it in his own which she surprisingly lets him.

"I wanted it to be me. I want you to be mine and now I can't because he—he's the one you're going to marry," A lone tear falls down his eyes, nose starting to get runny from the emotions that overwhelm him. She tries to pull her hand back to herself, but he doesn't let her.

"Why are you crying? You wanted this, you wouldn’t have cheated on me if you didn't want me out of your life," She tries to reason and justifies with his previous actions. Everything was making sense until he spits out the bullshit of still loving her. And even so, why did he wait so long to find her and tell her?

"It was a mistake! I was stupid and a huge asshole, I didn't think of the consequences." He grasps tightly to her hand, fearing that this may be the absolute last time he'll be able to touch her like this. "I took advantage of you, of your love and I shouldn't have because you're the most amazing person in this world. You gave me chance after chance and I didn't deserve any of it b-but I just wished you'd give me another one,"

Harry brings her hand up to his lips, kissing it multiple times while looking in her eyes sincerely.

"I'm glad you know that you already took my heart for granted and left me broken. But now, I finally found my happiness again, you want to take that away from me too? Just so you'd feel satisfied with yourself for getting the girl again?" She pulls away.

"Thanks, I'm flattered but even if I was single, I wouldn't dare give you another chance regardless if you are Harry Styles. I don't care if you can give me the world or anything I want because all I needed was for you to love, trust, and be honest with me." She takes hold of her bag strap blindly, holding her coffee cup in hand and standing up. "You didn't give me any of those,"

Harry stands as well, not prepared to lose her once more. "But I can now! I'll love you so much and I will give every ounce of it out of my body. If that's what you want, I'll do it. Just please,"

"Can't you see, H? I'm happy with Alan now. I've moved on, forgotten about you. For god's sake, I'm getting married!"

Each word she darted out of her mouth was like a gunshot to Harry. Wounds getting deeper and his body feeling heavier than usual, the emotional toll it was giving him was too much for him to handle

"Please. Do the same for yourself. I may not love you the way I did before, but I still care about you," Y/N states gently to Harry. If anything she sees him as a friend, still cares for his well-being. From the short distance, she sees a few girls whispering to each other and pointing at him, obviously recognizing his stance and demeanor.

"But I love you, Y/N! Isn't that enough?"

She only smiles at him before shaking her head, "Sometimes love isn’t enough. Sometimes you have to act on it, and sometimes cheating isn’t a great way to prove that.”

“I hope she was worth it.”

And before he could fire back at a chance to defend himself, the group of girls approaches him suddenly, catching him off guard.

He could hear them requesting to sign their phone cases, could hear the shutter of their phone cameras capturing his dumbfounded face, could hear them chattering about his work and he could hear them praise him for all the things he wasn't. Even with the roar of his crowd performances echoing how much they loved him, nothing beats Y/N's soft voice voicing out an, "I love you, Harry" He feels one girl shake his arm, usually he'd politely ask them to not touch him but at the moment he felt numb.

Because a few meters away, he witnesses Alan and Y/N walking towards each other with the brightest smile on their faces. Greeting each other with a hug, everything about them screamed being in love. Like Harry was, except the girl he adored was loving another man. What hurts the most–when they kissed each others' lips tenderly and his mind plays tricks on him, envisioning that he was the guy that Y/N was with except it flicks back to reality much too soon than he’d like it to be.

His imagination is proof of what could've been him and Y/N spending the rest of their lives together but of course, he’d mess that future up. He stands there wishing he could turn back time, praying to whoever it is up there that could help him find love again. Because his heart continuously breaks seeing her be happy with somebody else.

——- If you like it, shoot me a message If you don’t, pretend you do requests are open!

[pathfinderlittleduck]

My S/P Hysterectomy: The Legend

CW Long Post - It’s worth it, I promise

Gather round my friends for I’m going to tell you a story. Oh! What a journey it was, what a glorious and befuddling day it was. For it was rightfully filled with exuberant joy and ghastly panic. This is the legend of my Salpingo-Oophorectomy Hysterectomy. Yes. A legend. I’m literally gonna be famous.

Monday, 6am

I get off work. My last day before I take off two and a half glorious weeks. I won’t have to see my shitty coworkers, the shitty employees, nor the horrendous conditions of our office. I’m fucking stoked.

Monday, 7pm

My friend Nikki arrives to my apartment, she gladly has sacrificed her time to drive me to and from the hospital. Not to mention the extra unplanned duties, but heed my dear reader for that tale is soon to come.

Tuesday, 2am

After dinner and my subsequent NPO period, and about 5 hours of working on art, I get my final shower before surgery using that special ass pink soap. IT WAS FUCKING NEON PINK. It smelled nice though, I want more of it to be honest. It got me clean as fuck.

Tuesday, 5am

We arrive at the hospital:

Oh the naivete... I did not expect what so ever the events that were to pursue this happy go lucky picture.

Tuesday, 7am

Nurse: *puts IV in*

Me: *trying not to move as I start screaming*

Nikki: YES SCREAM LIKE IRON BULL!!

Tuesday, 7:15am

They roll me out of the pre-surgery room and into the OR. I see all the doctors I had previously met, I blearily wave hello as I am transferred onto the OR table. I see Dr. Locke preparing all her instruments.

Tuesday, ????

I wake up...

Me: *heart monitor beeping rapidly*

Nikki: Do you want your Hancock pillow?

Me: I can’t feel my arms... I can’t... I can’t move my arms!!

Everyone: Uhhhhhh *starts panicking*

Tuesday, Late Afternoon

After a literal constant stream of neurologists and neurosurgeons and every nurse known to man is streaming in and out of the curtain surrounding me, we finally decide to keep me overnight. I was supposed to go home by now, but apparently waking up from surgery saying “I can’t feel my arms” kinda sends everyone into a panic.

I start crying and screaming, the pain is so bad, a 20 on the pain scale. I’m given Oxycontin and a bunch of other pain meds. FYI Oxy is the devil and I never want it near me ever again. It didn’t help the pain, it just knocked me out and I felt like I had the flu times 50.

Eventually I calm down. Sort of. I am FINALLY transferred to a single room, where I am the only patient and there’s a couch/bed for Nikki to use.

Tuesday, 8pm or something

I FINALLY get into radiology and I’m given an MRI of the cervical part of my spine. This is basically your neck, and also where most of the nerves in your shoulders/arms come from. Turns out I have severe stenosis of these nerves AND a herniated disc AND compression in two of my vertebrae. So there’s like the reason behind half of my chronic pain which my previous doctors never took seriously.

After another constant stream of Neuro doctors, a few diagnosis have come to light. Ranging from just general compression of nerves to an auto immune disorder.

BUT IT DOESN’T STOP THERE!! The best is yet to come.

Tuesday, ????

I’m finally off NPO and I can fucking eat and drink. Silvanus bless this water because shit it was fucking delicious as fuck.

Nikki and I are talking and she says, “So they found a lot of endometriosis and a giant fibroid.”

HOLD ON.

A WHAT.

Wednesday... maybe????

I sleep every 2 hours like clockwork to take my meds when the nurse comes in. I’m still in a 15-20 on the pain scale in my arms. I can barely do anything for myself. I can barely feed myself because I can’t fucking move my arms enough.

Wednesday, 3pm I guess??

Repeat the stream of neurologists again and a bunch of sticking me with things to test my nerves (it hurts you fucker).

I’m doped up enough on pain killers and Nikki drives me home. We go to the grocery to get last minute items I need during my recovery since I won’t be driving anytime soon. I barely make it through the trip because my arms hurt, but luckily enough I was able to use the rascal cart to get around since I was still heavily medicated and didn’t wanna fall in the store and make things worse.

Nikki goes home.

Wednesday - Friday

I spend the next several days in so much pain I can barely move. Medicating every 3 hours was making me sick. It wasn’t helping. I couldn’t sleep. My arms and shoulders hurt so bad I was screaming. I emailed all my doctors asking what we should do next. I’m prescribed a cortical-steroid medication specifically to target nerve pain. But I can’t fucking pick it up from the pharmacy because spoiler alert... I CAN’T FUCKING DRIVE OR MOVE MY ARMS. Luckily I had another local friend who picked it up for me, bless his heart.

This new prescription brought the pain down A LOT. Like it brought me from a 15 down to a 5 on the best of times. But eventually I ran out of this medication and had no refills... But this is where my OBGYN saw me for my 2 week follow  up.

Monday, June 10th

I have my 2 week follow up with Dr. Locke. We discuss my recovery re: hysterectomy but also I bring up my arm pain.

Lords bless this woman because even though she has no specialty in pain or neurology, she has been instrumental in getting all my follow up appointments and nerve testing and MRI’s done in an extremely timely manner. She put pressure on other departments to get me seen ASAP because this was such a severe and urgent problem that had arisen so abruptly.

So after she examines my incisions, we discuss the findings. Now. This is where it gets good. If you held on this long... fucking buckle up kids we’re going for another round.

Dr. Locke: So I got your pathology results back...

Me: Hold on... my WHAT.

Pathology = cancer testing etc yada yada

Dr. Locke: Oh so we tested the growth we found. It’s non cancerous.

Me: Yeah the fibroid right.

Dr. Lock: It wasn’t a fibroid...

Me: Wait... WHAT.

Dr. Locke: It was a benign adenomatoid tumor.

Me:

BUT THAT’S NOT EVEN THE BEST PART FRIEND.

You see... an adenomatoid tumor is a special kind of tumor. A very interesting conundrum for someone in my condition. Very interesting indeed...

By definition an adenomatoid tumor is:

Adenomatoid tumors are responsible for 30% of all paratesticular masses. These are usually asymptomatic, slow growing masses. They are benign tumors comprising of cords and tubules of cuboidal to columnar cells with vacuolated cytoplasm and fibrous stroma.

US National Library of Medicine, 2009

Hold on... paraTESTICULAR mass???? So like... THE TESTICLES???? Of which I have none???? LMFAO WHAT THE FUCK!?

Yeah so basically my OBGYN (also my surgeon) found a fucking TUMOR INSIDE MY BODY that is 95% of the time FOUND ONLY IN CIS MALES?!

In Conclusion

So not only did I wake up from surgery with a now potentially diagnosed auto immune disorder I never knew I had... BUT APPARENTLY I HAD A TUMOR INSIDE ME THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME.

Luckily it was benign but HOLY SHIT.

In the end Dr. Locke asked for my consent to publish my de-identified (basically name redacted) story + history into medical journals. Basically I’m gonna be famous now apparently.

She’s discussed with other surgeons in the hospital, talked with other colleagues who deal with trans patients and this has NEVER happened to anyone she can determine.

Monday, Afternoon

I was sent home from the appointment with Gabapentin, another nerve medication. I’ve been taking that in addition to high strength Tylenol, Cyclobenzaprine (muscle relaxer), and Diclofenac (high strength NSAID). These meds have been instrumental in my recovery.

I’m back into my regular working schedule, and depending on how I move my arms, the pain comes back full force. Strength is still minimal and I have to lift even tiny things with both arms. Reaching is difficult still but I’m making progress. My next neuro appointments are in July along with a 6 week follow up with Dr. Locke. We will assess my progress during those days.

But that is my story in how I went from a normal trans dude... to a trans dude with a strange tumor and a potential auto immune disorder!!

[mearcatsreturns]

We Part Only to Meet Again, ch. 9

A problem springs up with Luka’s work visa and he is on the verge of having to leave the country. Abby can’t stand the thought of him leaving and offers a solution: a green card marriage. It might kill them both, but they're committed. 

Luka and Abby continue to enjoy each other, sometimes in ill-advised places at ill-advised times. The ER receives a letter and they mourn as a group.

And @somekindofflowergirl and I are back with the 9th chapter of our marriage of convenience AU! Sorry about the delays--between starting a new job and then having my blog deleted, writing only happened sporadically. But we’re glad to be back.

It’s also on ao3, if that’s more your speed. 

Ch. 9: A Letter and Consolation

Luka couldn’t help but smile as he made his way into the ER. He and Abby had slightly staggered shifts today, so she was already there, and he couldn’t wait to see her.

It had been about a month since they’d found their way back together. To bed, that is. Well, beds, couches, counters, and on one memorable occasion, an office printer at work. He was almost used to the eye-rolling from their coworkers at this point.

He and Abby had even met their neighbors, who were less than enthusiastic about how loud living next to them had gotten. That had been a little embarrassing, but he’d since had someone come by and improve the insulation, which had helped (so had the apology cookies he’d given them).

It should have gotten easier to bear, the heat between them, but it was as if indulging it had just made their hunger for each other stronger. Not that Luka had any complaints—nor did Abby, it seemed—but it might have made it simpler to do things, like, oh, work.

“Morning, Jerry, Frank,” he greeted them after clocking in. Frank just made an annoyed sound, and even Jerry shook his head as Luka walked past.

And there was Abby coming out of trauma two. Even though she was a mess, she lit up when she saw him.

He grinned back at her, resisting the urge to kiss her passionately in the middle of the hall. “Are you done in there?”

“Yeah, it was an MVA, but we got the guy stabilized and Romano took him up to surgery.”

“Want to help me out with my next case? I think it’s just a simple fracture.”

“...do you need my help?” Her mouth was twitching as she tried to hide a laugh.

Helping her untie the used smock (if he took the opportunity to slightly and subtly grope her, so be it) and throwing it away, he shrugged. “Well, you never know. Maybe it’s more serious and I just won’t be able to see it.”

“See, to me it sounds like you’re just flirting and trying to seduce a poor, innocent nurse.”

“Maybe I am, but do you have anything else urgent?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll go with you.”

It did indeed look like a simple, straightforward break. They took the patient up to radiology. Certainly, both of them didn’t need to go, but the way Abby gasped when he surreptitiously ran his hand under her scrub top as he passed by her might have played a role in convincing her to “help.”

Once the patient was in with the radiology tech, Abby said she was going to get a few things from the supply closet while they waited, giving him a long look. Luka quickly offered to help. The tech rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath, but waved them away. “Just be back in like half an hour for the patient, okay? I’ll send the films down.”

He didn’t care, just hurried after his wife, following her into the supply room.

She was facing the door when he came in, and she wasted no time in flinging herself into his arms.

Meeting her lips with a quiet groan, he reached down to lift her up into his arms. He walked them back up against the counter, her legs wrapped around his hips.

“You sure this is a good idea?” she asked when they pulled back for a breath.

He cupped her jaw and lifted her lips to his in an all-consuming kiss. “I am,” he said.

Abby didn’t waste time disagreeing, reaching for him and fumbling with his belt. He tugged at her scrub pants, pulling them off as quickly as he could and bringing her to the edge of the countertop.

She succeeded in getting him free, and he moaned into their kiss as she wrapped her hand around him, stroking him until he was fully hard.

Luka stepped between her legs and thrust into her without much preamble. He felt the familiar thrill of satisfaction at how Abby clutched at him, biting down on her lip to keep from crying out. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, wordlessly encouraging him to move.

He set a quick pace, knowing that as thrilling as the semi-public location was, every minute they continued they risked getting caught. He reached between them, trying to help Abby along. It didn’t take her much longer before she was gasping his name, pushing him over the edge after her.

With a sigh of regret, he pulled back from her after a minute or two, and they hurried to clean themselves up. When Abby reached for the door to head back out, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him, giving her a lingering kiss.

He finally slipped out into the hallway when Abby yelped in surprise. Rushing out to see what had startled her, he started heading toward the elevator. Then he heard the distinct sound of someone clearing their throat, and Luka turned to face a very disapproving Susan, standing with her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.

He could feel his entire body turning red. “I was, ah, I was grabbing something from storage.”

“I don’t want to know what the ‘something’ of Abby’s was. Anyway, one of your patients needs you, and the films are ready for your radial fracture.”

“Okay...I’ll...I’ll just go see to that.”

Susan sighed. “First, I’d make sure your shirt is buttoned properly, okay?”

He looked down. Sure enough, his buttons were askew.

“Just...no more...boffing at work, please.”

Luka nodded and fled as quickly as he could.

&&&

Abby was tending to a patient in sutures when she felt Luka slide behind her, his hand slipping down to give her hip a squeeze. She gave him what she hoped was a quelling look, but probably wasn’t. She couldn’t get enough of his hands and his answering smolder said he knew it. He apparently hadn’t gotten her into enough trouble today already.

Ugh, he shouldn’t be so attractive when he was smug. But dammit, he WAS, and he had REASON to be.

Still, there were protocols they ought to be observing at work. Silly ones, such as, oh, don’t have sex in the ER, and also, probably, don’t flirt and fondle each other in front of patients.

Abby was only a woman. One with a very handsome husband who enjoyed enticing her into breaking the rules. Repeatedly.

Luka efficiently checked the wound and asked for the suture kit, which Abby had at the ready. Haleh poked her head in to let her know she needed to change the IV on her diabetic patient.

“You good here?” She checked with Luka.

“I’ll miss you, but I’ve got this.”

She rolled her eyes at him as she ignored his grin and aimed to be stern with her reply.

“Behave, Dr. Kovač.”

He stared back at her with his eyes practically twinkling. Was he seriously turned on right now? Their earlier rendezvous was only a couple hours ago.

Abby watched him in disbelief before shaking her head and turning to go. On the way out, she heard the patient.

“So I guess that stuff about nurses and doctors is true, huh?”

Luka laughed at the older man in response.

“Well, in this case anyway. She’s my wife.”

The pride in his voice nearly made her turn around to kiss him.

&&&

A few hours later, Abby was standing at admit, listening to Carter read Dr. Greene’s letter. He sounded remarkably upbeat, considering. That was the power of getting away from County and sitting on a beach, she guessed. Or, more likely, he was doing it for their sakes, focusing on the positive. That sounded like something he would do.

Luka came over then, coffee mug in hand.

“What’s going on?” He bent toward her ear.

“It’s from Dr. Greene.”

Damn, the man was on the beach in Hawaii and longing for a trauma. “The day I start fantasizing about critical procedures is the day I leave, too.”

What followed sounded like a goodbye to all of them, and Abby guessed it was. She shifted so she could lean back against Luka. He slid a comforting hand onto her shoulder.

Carter stopped reading and Luka urged him to continue. “Go on.”

There wasn’t much left, just an endnote about his daughters finding a shell. Feeling a need to lighten the mood, Abby joked with Haleh about macadamia nuts. After a moment, she felt Luka tense, so she jerked up her head to look at him and followed his gaze to Carter. Oh god. She knew what he was going to say.

“What?” Susan knew, too, Abby could hear it in her voice, how her question wasn’t really a question.

Carter could hardly get the words out. No matter how weird things had been between them, she ached for her friend.

“This next part’s from Dr. Corday… ‘Mark died this morning.’”

&&&

The rest of the day was rough.

As much as Abby respected Dr. Greene and appreciated how gentle he was with patients and his coworkers, she hadn’t expected to feel personal loss when he died. But she did. Luka did too, she could feel it in how he gripped her briefly after they heard, could see it in the dark look in his eyes.

It wasn’t their tragedy, though, not really. So Abby tucked away her own shock and hurt over it and tried to comfort the ones who had known him longer and better.

After Carter faltered in the trauma with the dad from an MVA, she gave him a long look and followed him to the vending machines. He was moving forward, trying to get through the day, but his eyes showed how wrecked he really was.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. No. I…”

Abby tried to find the words to help him. They’d kept their distance when possible, ever since he’d found out about her marriage to Luka. Not out of guilt, but that day had made it clear that Carter had still had feelings for her. She could at least give him the space to get over it. Plus, he had really pissed her off.

None of that mattered at the moment.

“If you want to talk…”

“I can’t…not right now.” He closed his eyes. “Not...not because of you...I just need to put my head down to get through the rest of today.”

“Okay, you know where to find me.”

He nodded and started back toward admit.

Abby turned to see Luka coming toward her as she grabbed her soda.

“Is he okay?”

She looked up at him and gave a weak attempt at a smile.

“I don’t think anybody is today.”

“Yeah.”

He looked like he was going to say more, as he worked his jaw, but he thought better of it and put his arms around her instead. She buried her face in his chest and breathed deep, focusing on the smell of him and the warmth, his heartbeat thumping beneath her ear. A small shudder went through him before he relaxed, sighed and kissed her head, running his hand down her back.

“Susan wants to go out for drinks after work. What do you think?”

Luka pulled back to eye her carefully. “Will that be okay for you?”

Abby wanted to scoff and say of course, but made herself stop and consider.

“I think so. As long as you come too. I know you have to stay a little later, but I’ll be alright for a little while. I think...I think she really needs someone to be there tonight.”

He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear before answering.

“Okay, if you’re sure, I’d like to go. And we can leave whenever you need to, even if it’s as soon as I get there.”

The trust in his eyes loosened something inside her.

“Thanks, Luka. I don’t really want to go home by myself tonight either.”

Luka gave her another gentle squeeze before taking her by the hand and walking back toward admit. Carter was there, in front of the board, and she caught him looking at them. He looked away, his expression inscrutable.

“Let me know before you leave?”

“Yeah.”

She looked back to her husband and swiped her thumb across the back of his hand before letting go. Before she left, she would make a quick trip to OB to let Janet know her plans for the evening.

&&&

Abby and Susan had a quiet L ride and stroll to the Lava Lounge. It was an, um, interesting location for a wake. The tiki bar atmosphere made Abby feel even more depressed.

She wanted Luka. Taking a deep breath, she refocused on Susan. The others were supposed to trickle in soon, but it was just the two of them for the moment.

“I feel like asking how you’re doing is really stupid, so I’m just going to say you can talk to me instead. If you want to.”

Susan nodded and sipped at her enormous tropical drink.

“God, this sucks.”

“Yeah,” Abby agreed, swirling the straw of her club soda with lime.

She thought back to the sexual harassment seminar, and Carter’s insistence on Susan and Dr. Greene having feelings for each other. Susan had seemed genuine in her denial, and Abby hoped for her sake that she was. They must have been on the same wavelength because Susan started talking about it.

“Mark and I. We, uh, we never went out. That was true. But we did have feelings for each other, before. Neither of us said anything until I was leaving. I always kind of thought of him as the one that got away.”

“Wow, that...that sucks.”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m not still there. I fell in love with Dix, he fell in love with Elizabeth, and we both moved on. I just figured some things happen for a reason. But part of me can’t help but wonder what might have been different if we hadn’t. Or if nothing would have, and I’d be the widow trying to raise a baby and stepdaughter by myself.” Susan shuddered and took a big gulp.

Abby hadn’t been able to think of Corday all day without pain. She couldn’t help but imagine how hard this must be, especially with their separation. For a split second, she imagined losing Luka like that. She could barely breathe at the thought. How much worse the reality of it would be.

Luka. God. He’d gone through that, and so much worse. At least Corday still had Ella, still had her to love and care for. Damn, she needed to hold her husband.

Looking to her new friend, she tried to picture things from her perspective. If she and Luka hadn’t reconciled, and then he’d died...he would never have known she did care for him, she’d never have known he cared for her. What would she have needed to hear?

“I don’t know that I really believe in meant to be. But I do know that Dr. Greene and Corday loved each other. I know you were a good friend to him, and I am sure that meant a lot.”

“Yeah,” Susan answered hoarsely, wiping her eyes.

“I’m sure there’s someone out there for you. You’re a good friend, you’re great with kids, you’re a great doctor, you’re pretty—you will find someone. It just wasn’t him.”

“Part of me feels...relieved that it wasn’t. You know? It hurts like hell just to lose my friend.”

“Yeah,” Abby whispered back.

Her own eyes watered as she watched Susan try to get herself back under control. It took a couple minutes of wiping her eyes with a napkin, taking deep breaths, and a gulp of her drink before she turned to Abby with a weak smile.

“Okay, enough of that for now. So, really, you don’t believe in fate or meant to be? Despite your newlywed, clearly cannot keep your hands or anything else to yourself phase?”

Abby flushed bright red. Had it really only been that morning that Susan had caught her and Luka trying to sneak out of radiology, obviously post-coital? It felt like a week ago.

“Uh...yeah...sorry about...that.”

Susan laughed a little. “I wish I could say you were the first, but at least I didn’t actually catch you in the act. Just make sure you’re always far away from the emergency call button. That’s how we caught Mark and Jennifer.”

Wow. Alright then. “Did that really happen?”

“Yep, we rushed in with the defibrillator and everything.” Susan laughed at the memory.

“That would be…” Abby couldn’t imagine living that down. They had to knock it off, or it was bound to happen. If it had been someone else who caught them, like Dr. Weaver, they probably wouldn’t still have jobs.

“Hey, I get it. I just can’t believe I never saw how much chemistry you two have before. It’s hard enough to work near you two sometimes, I’m sure it’s hard to hold back.”

Ha. If she only knew how many times Abby had held back.

“Yeah, it’s just...I think it would be easier if I did believe in fate. Because I still feel scared sometimes at how close we came to losing that.”

The vulnerability was uncomfortable, even though Susan had been just as open. She joked, trying to get back to safer ground.

“Plus, Luka’s really hot, so…I don’t know, can you blame me?”

Susan giggled at that and then burst into laughter as Abby joined her. It hadn’t been that funny, and the laughter was a bit hysterical, but it was a relief to release some of that tension.

“What’s this about?” In the commotion, Abby had missed Luka, Gallant and Haleh’s approach. She sighed and placed her hand on top of the one he laid on her shoulder, and she immediately felt grounded.

“Your sexual prowess,” Susan responded then cackled. Abby giggled at Luka’s horrified look and shook her head at him in answer.

The others sat down and Susan pulled herself together. Gallant went to grab drinks and Abby looked at Luka in question as he asked for a Coke. He merely winked in response and turned back to the conversation.

He didn’t have to do that, and she’d remind him later, but it was nice that he cared that much.

They all talked. Kerry and Sandy showed up, too. The others shared some memories, and they did some toasting. It was nice, but the melancholy started hitting Abby hard. She wasn’t exactly craving a drink, but she was becoming more and more aware of how easy it would be. With the day, the reminder that anything terrible could happen at anytime, to anyone, it would be so easy to slip. But Abby just wanted to go home and have Luka hold her. She settled for laying her head on his shoulder.

“You alright?”

Her half-hearted smile didn’t fool him. He turned to the others.

“I guess we’ll see you all at work. We’re going to head home. Been a long day.”

They said their goodbyes and Abby stopped to share a sad smile with Susan. “If you need anything…”

“Thanks, Abby. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Luka wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she snuggled into him even as they walked toward the door side-by-side.

“Do you need to stop anywhere or call Janet or anything?”

She looked up at his earnest, eager-to-help face. There wasn’t a single trace of judgment there, and she wanted to kiss him for it.

“I just need you.”

Luka startled and looked down at her with a cocked eyebrow.

“Not like that, perv.” She smacked his arm, laughing. “I want to go home and crawl into bed and be held. Can we do that?”

He hummed in response and kissed her head.

“Absolutely.”

&&&

They nearly ran into Carter in the alley. He was heading in to the Lava Lounge, hands tucked into his pockets, lost in thought.

Luka narrowly avoided a collision, reaching out to grasp Carter’s shoulder. “Sorry.”

“Oh...no, I’m sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

He glanced over and saw Abby smile sadly at Carter. “It’s okay.”

The three of them stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to say. Finally, Carter cleared his throat and broke the silence. “So...you two headed out?”

Abby nodded. “Yeah, it’s—well, it’s been a long day, and people are starting to drink, so we’re out, but pretty much everyone else is still inside, and they’d love to see you.”

“Haleh and Kerry both asked after you,” Luka said, squeezing Abby’s arm. God, he loved her. Loved how supportive she was, even when she was hurting too.

“Okay, thanks. Well, you two have a good evening.”

They told him good night and were continuing on their way when Carter called out, “Luka, wait.”

He looked over at Abby quizzically, and she shrugged in response. He patted her on the shoulder and turned back to face Carter.

Carter took a deep breath. “I—I know it’s belated and I should have said it sooner, but...congratulations. You two seem happy together.”

Huh. There was nothing like a reminder of the fleeting nature of life to bring things into perspective, Luka supposed. He stuck out his hand to Carter, who shook it with a brief smile. “Thanks. And...take care of yourself, yeah?”

“Will do. Thanks again.”

Carter made his way inside, and Luka hurried to catch up with Abby.

“What was that about?”

“He just...well, he said congratulations to us. I think it’s been a hard time for him.”

“A little late,” she said with a snort.

“Better late than never, eh?”

She beamed up at him and stood on her toes to kiss his cheek. “Yeah, that’s true.”

[pidgezero-one]

dont message me about this please. I just need somewhere to dump it

I had a falling out with my best friend at the end of july and he completely cut off contact with me. i trusted him more than anybody in the world and there are no words to describe how much his friendship meant to me. the way this happened destroyed my sense of self-worth and I isolated myself from people and tried to fill that empty void with drinking and shitty eating habits (namely starving myself followed by binge eating). fell into a pretty bad depression and was constantly lethargic and unproductive. hated going out in public because I hated myself and didnt want to be seen.

suffered a death in the family at the end of august. this isnt something I cope with in a healthy way. especially during that period of time

started talking with my friend again in september but that didnt go very well either. still felt shitty about this every day, just having this constant nervousness and wanting to throw up and feeling like im carrying a huge weight on my shoulders, every day 24 hours a day. i had dreams about our situation all the time and it fucked me up. cant remember the last time I got a good nights sleep. developed a lot of trust issues from revelations that came out in the few discussions we had. we havent spoken in almost 2 months now. still really miss him but also still hurting over the things he said and did

2 weeks later, boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me when I got back from dreamhack. it wasnt really a surprise and there's no bad blood but was still a really hard adjustment. we had lived together since before we started dating.

we were splitting rent on a 1 bed apartment so now I have to pay for it myself. i dont really have the means to move. this fucked me over financially bc I was in the process of paying about 8000 dollars worth of debt accrued from when I was unemployed in 2014. so that's why none of you have really seen me since then, im saving money instead of going out to do things. this is also around when I decided to cut the drinking to prevent it from getting out of hand and decided to fix my eating habits, both of which are saving me money

met someone new in november who I got close to pretty quickly. he knew I was hurting from something, a lot of things, and helped me recover and was somehow over time able to convince me i didnt deserve any of what was going on. i started to believe it too. we spent a lot of time together and became very good friends.

around the same time i saw another friend have a falling out with his best friend and the way it got him down made me really angry. he didnt deserve to feel that poorly. this helped me realize that neither did i.

start of december, i fell mutually in love with the new friend. although it was just the beginning of the relationship, it was unprecedented in how genuinely loved I felt. we were supportive of each other in ways I didnt even know I could be. never enjoyed someone's company so much before or felt so totally safe telling them literally anything, and after I was having so much trouble and anxiety over opening up to anybody like that again, this was really really special that he could make me feel that way. especially considering the vulnerable state I was in, I tried to be cautious about getting this attached so quickly, but I decided to trust him. you kinda had to be there to understand just why I let myself feel this way despite it looking like a textbook mistake and me being well aware of that fact. he was thoughtful and respectful and considerate and was the most loving person i've ever known. we live a long distance apart and decided we'd take things slowly until we had the chance to spend some time together in person and discuss what our future looks like at that time. we spent a lot of time together calling each other around the holidays and never let a day (or an hour, really) go by without making the other feel loved and appreciated and worthwhile. for a christmas gift he contacted a lot of my friends and compiled a series of video and audio clips from all of them sending me kind words at the holidays to remind me that i'm loved. he really was a wonderful person.

being able to really believe that I didnt deserve to feel as badly as I had been since the summer, combined with falling in love again... I was finally something resembling happy again, I got my confidence back, I was energetic and productive and in an improved state of mind... not completely, things still hurt and I think they always will. but I was at least functioning. the wounds were still there and they were still fresh but I was at least starting to heal.

had to replace my pc because too much of my hardware was just not working anymore. that was a big financial setback I wasnt prepared for. my laptop mobo also broke so now I dont have one of those anymore. oh well. once im done paying off the last part of my debt im going to save up for a new one

start of january, one of my closest friends goes radio silent and unresponsive to texts and calls for over a week. i was a fucking mess worrying about him. (we hung out a few days ago but at the time holy shit)

my coworker at my job (the only other dev on my team) is leaving, so I have to learn a ton of new stuff and also train who we hire next, and im pretty stressed out about that on top of the status of my current major project

i didnt go to agdq this year, but that entire week was rough. wanted to stay off social media and stuff to not be reminded of it but this is where all my connections are and I need to work on shit. I spent a lot of last agdq making good memories with the friend i had the falling out with and thinking back to that just makes me really sad now.

was finally starting to enjoy streaming again and I injured my hand recently and cant use it to use a dpad or joystick, so now im not doing that either. it got infected pretty badly and ive been worried about that for a while, but it's healing up now. hopefully ill return soon. also having numerous other alarming things happen healthwise that are too TMI for here but... yeah

last week the guy i loved dumped me. not going to go into detail on this but i feel very very slighted by how he chose to do it. it had only been a month but im pretty messed up and blindsided by it. despite the short length I can't remember the last time I had any kind of interpersonal relationship that was so emotionally fulfilling. i still don't really understand. being around him hurt so much that I left my favourite discord server where a lot of my close friends are cause he's in there too. i miss being in there so much but i just cant do it

on saturday I got the news that one of my friends from the smash 64 community passed away unexpectedly. i went to the visitation on sunday. it still doesn't feel real.

i dont want to talk about it, I dont want any offers to talk about it, I dont want to relive it, I dont want to think about it, and especially especially I d o n t w a n t t o t a l k a b o u t i t. just getting it out there bc I feel kinda overwhelmed atm from everything. i just wanna focus on doing the things I need to get done to keep my mind occupied. i want my best friend back, i want the person I love back, i want my friend to come back to life. there's nothing else that can be done for me

[soaimagines]

You Had Me At Merlot

(Yes, that is a wine pun.)

Request: Imagine Opie missing an important event of yours. You fight and you leave.

“Will Harry be joining us this evening?” You glanced at the empty seat next to you and back at your boss. “He’ll be here,” You assured him with a nod. Your boss smiled tightly and turned back to his menu. None of them had been particularly pleased when you had said you would be bringing Opie to the work dinner. Apparently the ‘plus one’ invite was more of a formality than an actual offer. At least, when it came to your big bad biker boyfriend, that is. Your boss had been more than happy when wives had entered with your coworkers and you had walked in alone. But that wouldn't last. Ope would be here. He had promised. Barbara across the table gave you a sympathetic smile and you tried not to roll your eyes. “You okay hun?” You took a long sip of the wine in front of you. “Just peachy.” You flashed her a smiled. “So anyway, we took the kids to Hawaii last summer. It was ah-mazing.” This time you rolled your eyes, unable to hide it as you listened to Carl, one of your coworkers drone on about their Brady Bunch perfect family and their lives and all the vacations they had taken together. “Its okay if he doesn't come hun. Boys will be boys. You can do much better” Barbara whispered across the table. You raised your glass in her direction, acknowledging her comment and took a long sip. A waiter refilled your now empty glass and you thanked him. Barbara was always convinced that every male that walked the earth was incapable of keeping his dick in his pants. Opie, however, wasn’t like that. Or was he? You practically heard the clock tick by another thirty minutes and with every passing second you were becoming more agitated, the empty seat next to you making its presence known. Barbara had lipstick on her teeth. You should probably tell her. it was the right thing to do. Girl code, and all that. But you hated Barbara and her sympathetic smiles, and you were too busy feeling sorry for yourself anyway. As if on queue she tapped her watch and threw you a knowing smile. “Maybe you should slow down on the wine, hun.” Barbara whispered across the table. “No can do, Barb.” You took another sip and your boss stood and walked around the table, from his spot at the head. He stopped behind you and leant into your ear. “Maybe we should order?” You sighed and nodded, trying not to let the disappointment show on your face. He had promised you. “He’s a bad boy, hun. He can’t be tamed. Best find yourself a nice hardworking man.” You ignored Barbara and gestured for the waiter once more. “Can I grab another bottle?” The waiter nodded and took the now empty bottle of wine away. You weren't usually a big drinker, but hey, if work was paying you may as well make the most of it. And if you were gonna survive the rest of the night with Barb and Carl you would need all the wine you could get. “And we just know young Toby is going to make Captain. I mean, have you seen him play?!” Carl was bragging, a smug laugh erupting from his lips. He had a sweater draped over his shoulders and you fought the urge to leap across the table and strangle him with the cashmere sleeves. His wife beside him laughed, although you were surprised she could even move her facial muscles, from all the plastic surgery she’d had. “New drinking game.” Tyson whispered in your ear. You turned to the new intern, who sat in the seat next to you. You’d never talked to him but from the sound of his proposal he might be the only person that could keep you sane through this. “Every time he mentions Toby we drink.” You smirked and held out your hand for a shake. “Everytime Barb says ‘Hun’, we drink.” Tyson shook your hand and you both smiled at each other. The waiter approached and placed your bottle of wine on the table. “Shall I remove these plates, or are we still waiting on a guest?” The waiter asked. “You can take them.” You sighed. Lets face it. Opie wasn't coming. “For the best, hun.” You turned to Tyson, and you both raised your glasses, clinking them in the air as you laughed.

The car pulled into your street and you banged your hand on the dashboard as you neared your house, unable to speak as you were chugging back wine from the bottle in your hand. “Here it is, Barb!” You practically yelled, a red drop of wine dribbling down your chin. She pulled over and you took a swig of the bottle you were clinging to so desperately. “i think you've had enough, hun.” You sniggered and shook your head. You pulled Barbara into a hug, unintentionally smooshing her face into your chest, her tight curls tickling your chin. “Thanks for the ride, Barb. You da real MVP!” “MV what?” You snorted and pushed open the car door and stumbled your way out of the car. “Will you be okay, hun?” Barb asked, leaning across the car as you swung the door shut. “Always!” You slurred and took a step backwards, flashing barb the finger guns. You leant forward and gave the car a good pat on the roof, signalling Barb to take off. “Adios!” You shouted after her as she waved out the window and drove off. You laughed to yourself as you stumbled your way to the front door, your heels in one hand and the bottle of wine in the other. Opies bike was in his usual spot; dead centre of the driveway. You fumbled with your keys and eventually pushed the door open. The lights were on and you could hear the tv playing in the living room. You dropped your heels by the door and staggered your way to the lounge. Opie was sat draped across the sofa, a beer in his hand and his long legs stretched across the cushions. His head was resting on the arm rest and his long hair hung down the side of the sofa. He had one arm across his chest, holding his beer while the other was draped up across the back of the sofa, showing off his toned biceps. “Did you grab some dinner babe? I’m starving.” He didn't bother to look up, he just took a sip of his beer and turned his eyes back to the tv. You leant against the doorway, needing the extra support in your drunken state. “I already ate.” Opie frowned and finally turned to look at you. Your hair was hanging loosely around your face and you wore a black dress. He noticed the wine bottle in your hand and from the way you were slouched against the doorframe he knew you were drunk. “Jesus, (y/n), where have you been?” “Could ask you the same question.” You took a swig of your wine and wiped your mouth on the back of your hand. Opie turned the tv down and sat up, his face stern. “I was at the clubhouse. Where were you?” His voice was firm, like he was scolding you. “At the work dinner. The one you were supposed to be at.” His face fell and he buried his face in his hands. “Shit.” He stood. “Im sorry, babe. I got caught up with club shit.” “Theres always club shit, Ope.” He walked towards you and reached for your hips but you pushed his hands away. “Im sorry, (y/n). I-“ “You promised.” Opie sighed and ran a large hand over his face. “I know, babe. But you know I gotta put the club first.” “What about me, Ope?” You pushed him away and started walking to the bedroom.  “Ya know what, maybe Barb is right.” “Barb? I thought you hated that crazy bitch.” You gasped and turned back to face him, and he was taken aback by the crazy wild look in your eyes. “How dare you speak about my sweet angel like that!” Opie sighed and shook his head. “And whats Barb right about then, huh?” “She thinks you don't deserve me!” You yelled. “Thinks that you don't treat me right.” “Jesus christ, (y/n) I missed one fucking dinner. Its not a big deal.” “Its a big deal to me, Ope!” He stared at you, surprised by the anger setting through you. “And its more than just one dinner Opie. I don't even know how many nights Ive spent waiting up for you, cause it happens so fucking often!” “You knew what you were getting into,” Opie warned, his voice rising to match yours. You laughed bitterly and shook your head. “I did, Ope. You’re right. I knew what I was getting into. But it wasn't this.” You gestured to the space between you. “We can talk about this when your sober, (y/n).” “Pffft.” You took a swig of the wine in your hand, ignoring Opie as he watched you angrily, his jaw clenching. “Will we, Ope? Or will you just stand me up again?” He turned and headed back to the living room. “Dont walk away from me!” You yelled, anger burning through your veins. The volume of the tv turned up, tuning you out and steam practically shot out your ears. “Motherfucker!” You snarled and threw the bottle of wine. It collided with the wall of the hallway, shattering into pieces and the red liquid seeped into the carpet. You were too angry to care about the stain you knew it would leave. You spun on your heels and marched to the bedroom. You knelt by the bed and yanked your rucksack out from beneath it. Then you tore around the room like a tornado, ripping clothes from hangers and from drawers and shoving them into the bag. When you were done you slung it onto your shoulder and left the room, leaving a trail of scattered clothing and half open drawers. Opie didn't hear the front door open, and he didn't hear it shut. He didn't hear your cab pull up. He didn't hear you leave.

~

“You gonna answer that, hun?” You shook your head and turned over your phone, ignoring the call from Opie. Barbara sighed and placed a glass of orange juice on the wooden dining table in front of you. “Did you take a sick day hun?” “Yup.” Barbara nodded, sympathetically, of course. She reached for her handbag and slung it over her shoulder. “Okay hun well you know where to find me if you need me.” “Thank you Barb.” You smiled at the older woman and leant back in the chair, twirling the glass in your hands. Barb left the house, closing the door behind her. You had been staying with Barb ever since you left that night. It had been six days and Opie had been calling and texting you nonstop. You had ignored every one of them. Maybe you were over reacting. But you were fed up. Ever since you had started dating Opie your relationship had been filled with empty promises. You knew the club kept him busy and you understood that. You never asked him for much. But he spent countless nights away from home and he never seemed to care that you were alone in that house. It wasn't the first date he had missed but the situation always ended the same. He would promise to make it up to you, but that promise would leave you disappointed just like all the others. Only this time it was different. You had no idea why you allowed him to do it to you, over and over. Each time with a new start, a new him, a new chance to leave behind the disappointment and the hurt . But you would stand in the middle of your living room in your best dress and your high heeled shoes, a hint of blush on your cheeks and you'd watch the clock above the mantel tick past and you would realise he had done it again. Your heart would sink and your anger would flare. Never again. You would vow under your breath. But how many times had you said that before? Too many times. Did you mean it this time? Barb had been kind in her offering you a place to stay. You appreciated it, but god that woman was driving you crazy. She meant well and you knew she was only looking after you, but if you heard her say ‘hun’ one more time you might just have to smother her in her sleep. She had never brought anything more modern than the 1970s. The walls were painted tangerine, except for the bathroom that was wall papered with a sickly floral pattern. The furniture was sparse and the furniture she did own, was covered in a sheet of plastic. There was at least one bowl of potpourri in every room. And she had cats. You didn't have a problem with cats. In fact you liked them. But Barb had seven and you were surprised you'd even survived here for so long, as you had woken several times a night due to the fluffiest cat out of them all sitting right on your chest, staring you in the eyes with a look of death. They weren't even nice cats. They all hissed at you and none of them had let you pat them so far. You heard a knock on the door and sighed, scraping back your chair and heading for the door. “What’d you forget, Barb?” You sighed as you opened the door. Only it wasn't Barb. It was Opie, He raised an eyebrow at your appearance and lifted a cigarette to his lips. Your hair was in braids and you wore an old fashioned night gown that hung down to your calves, with fluffy pink rabbit ear slippers. Barb really was taking extra special care. “The fuck are you wearing?” You shrugged. “Don’t ask.” “What are you doing here, Ope?” “Came to bring you home.” “How’d you find me?” Opie took another drag off his cigarette and tossed the butt to the ground, crushing it under his heavy boot. “I went by all your friends houses. When they hadn't seen you I got Juice to track your phone.” “Come in. I don't wanna let the cats out.” You nodded and stepped back, allowing him to enter. You had enough respect for Barb to not let her neighbours see you argue with a biker in front of her house. He walked in and you led him to the dining room, and you sat in your previous seat and sipped at your juice. Opie sat opposite you and reached for your hands. “I’m sorry babe.” You met his eye. “I know I need to make more of an effort.” You scoffed and looked away, knowing that if you looked into his eyes any longer you would break. “Its just the club is so-“ “I dont care about the club, Ope.” You interrupted. “You know I love the guys, and I don't mind that you spend so much time with them. I really dont.” “But you cant keep standing me up. Especially in front of my colleagues.” “I know babe.” You sighed and twiddled your fingers in your lap. Why was love so overpowering? You didn't want to cave. But you loved him so goddamned much that you knew you were going to give in. Your love for him was blinding and you were almost as naive as the first time you'd had this conversation. “I cant do this again.” “What are you saying?” “Im saying this is it. Your last shot.” His face broke into a smile but you shook your head. “I mean it Opie. If you fuck this up Im gone. And not just to Barbs for a week. I mean really gone.” Opie nodded and slid out of his seat. He knelt in front of you and grabbed your hands, pulling you round to face him. He cupped your face in his hands and pulled your lips towards his. “I will fix this. I promise.” You exhaled through your nose and nodded. “Will you come home?” You nodded. He looked into your eyes and smiled warmly. “You look like you joined a cult.” You sniggered. “You think this is bad? You shoulda seen the underwear she left out for me.” Opie smirked. “Are you wearing them now?” You bit your lip and lifted your hands, playing with your braids between your fingers. “Im not wearing aaaanything.” You whispered. A low growl left his throat and he pushed your knees apart, making you gasp. He hooked his hands under your knees and you wrapped your arms around his neck. He lifted your body off the seat and placed you on the table, his lips crashing down on yours. “I missed you,” You moaned against his lips as his hungry hands roamed over your body. You could feel his smile against your lips. And by the way he made love to you, on the dining room table with all seven of Barbs cats watching, you could tell he had missed you too. And you could tel that this time,things were different.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@i-want-to-be-watered-by-roger @daniehelene27 @hellsmurf96 @homicidalteenagedream

If you want to be added to the tag list for any, or all Sons please let me know.x

[gargoylesrock]

some random personal stuff. lady and tooth health and misc.

tl;dr-birth control, cavities, work.

so yesterday i went to planned parenthood for the first time to get birth control cause i really needed something that would help combat my period symptoms which can be bad to severe (like ive been in so much pain on enough occasions that its made me throw up before) and up till now ive never been on birth control so i didnt really know what to expect exactly. and i havent ever been to a gyno or anything and i went in and it wasnt nearly as bad as i thought. i ended up getting the mirena (hormonal iud-lasts 6 years) because i felt like while the pill would be easier i didnt feel like i could reliably take it at the same time every day and all the other options.....just....no. for various reasons. and when the doctor came in she helped explain my options a bit better cause she knew i mainly wanted it because of my period and of the i guess 4 types of IUDs 3 could help with my period, the only differences being the size of each of them (the mirena is the biggest but only by like millimeters in diameter or something) and longevity (the mirena lasts the longest -of the hormonal IUDs- the paragard, copper/non hormonal one, lasts longer but its been know to increase the severity of period symptoms and a friend of mine who had to get it basically confirmed that. so the mirena lasts 6 years and the other two lasted 3 and 5) and i basically was like “well would there be a huge difference in pain during application between them? no? then just give me the best one” which was the mirena. and like i had read a bit on it before hand and understood that some people say it hurts like childbirth while others say its like really bad cramps. and honestly it wasnt even that bad for me. like the doctor had to do a pelvic exam first (also my first one) and like that was more painful than the application process. although she sprayed a numbing agent on my cervix so it didnt hurt as much. and then she had to measure my uterus and that felt sharp for like a second and then she inserted the iud itself. all in all none of the pain came even close to the worst period cramps ive had. like on a scale of one to ten the pain was like a 2.5 and it didnt last very long at all. i took some ibuprofen after just as like a precaution but was like totally fine within an hour after. even the doc was like “wow you handled that way better than i did when i got mine.” frankly being stuck in that position in the stirrups for so long was more uncomfortable cause im short and it was really hard on my leg muscles.

also like long term goals id like to never have babies so i want to get sterilized but i understand how hard that is for a woman my age (23) to get done because ive never had kids before and any doc who can do it would be like “you might change your mind” and when i talked with the doc at PP she was like “yeah that is really difficult but i can give you the info to a doctor who might be willing to do it if youre absolutely sure like you sound” but also “even if you get that done a lot of women who get sterilized still use birth control like the mirena to combat their period symptoms after so you might want to consider that as an option as well” so i thought that was really cool.

and then-i went to the dentist, which i havent seen a dentist in like 6 years cause i havent had insurance that covers it for that long and ive known i have one bad cavity for like a month now but apparently i have 7 (most of them are really small and easy to fix) but the one that is quite bad is possibly too close to the nerve to get a regular filling so i might need a root canal and i might need to see a specialist. which my insurance may or may not cover which would suck cause i am still so broke omg.) but i have to go back twice to get all the rest of my fillings taken care of. moral of the story is i need to floss more.

and in a completely random side note- so i work at a gas station kind of in the middle of nowhere (like the city/town isnt far but its not a very commercial area at all. but theres a lot of traffic anyway). so the other day i go in at 130 pm and as soon as i walk in a coworker was like “yeah todays has been super awesome someone overdosed on heroin in the parking lot and then there was a car accident like ten minutes after that”. yeah.

[justaboywithaonemanshow]

92 Truths

Thanks @edsmysterygirl for the tag! <3

Tagging @ownerandwriterofedsnnnnggghhhh​ @drinking-sangrias​ @karesera @edsavedmylife

THE LAST…

1) Drink: Water 2) Phone call: My mom 3) Text message: We don’t use text messages here, but yesterday my mom sent my one. 4) Song you listened to: Hearts don’t break around here 5) Time you cried: Can’t remember the exact day but it was last week, I saw a ring my ex boyfriend gave me and well...tsunami tides in my eyes as Ed says

HAVE YOU EVER…

6) Dated someone twice: No, I’ve only been with one person trough out my whole life 7) Been cheated on: He said he didn’t cheat but I’m almost positive he did. 8) Kissed someone and regretted it: Yeah, a guy at a party. 9) Lost someone special: My grandpa, who died in 2012. And my ex who voluntary walked out of my life. 10) Been depressed: Yes. Last year and the beginning of 2017 11) Gotten drunk and thrown up: No, I don’t usually drink but when I do I do it moderately.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS…

12) Pink 13) Mint 14) Red

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15) Made new friends: Yep yep IRL and here 16) Fallen out of love: Not yet but I hope so. 17) Laughed until you cried: No 18) Found out someone was talking about you: hmm not that I recall 19) Met someone who changed you: Not technically, but as MG said Ed changed me even though I haven’t met him. 20) Found out who your true friends are: Hell yeah, I don’t have one true friend I think, but I don’t open up easily so it might be my fault. 21) Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Nope, my ex deleted me from FB so...

OTHER…

22) How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life?: 80%  23) Do you have any pets?: Two beautiful wrinkly doggies, even though I’m convinced the little on is indeed a tasmanian devil, as in attitude not looks hahaha 24) Do you want to change your name?: I would like to get rid of one of them, not because I don’t like it but because my last name is already goddamn long to have two names. I’d also like my last name to be shorter 25) What did you do for your last birthday?: A waffle party with my friends! YUM! 26) What time do you wake up?: Around 7:30am, I changed my work schedule because I was fed up with waking up a 6:30am hahahaha I’ve been doing that since I was 12 27) What were you doing at midnight last night?: Trying to fall sleep 28) Name something you cannot wait for: See Ed live again 29) When was the last time you saw your mother?: This morning, we had breakfast together 30) What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?: I’d love to live somewhere else, preferably a different country. But I’d love to not live in this city any longer, everything reminds me of my ex but I’m too scare to go away :( 31) What are you listening to right now?: Sorry - Justin Bieber (I’m listening to a party playlist at work - Girls’ Night hahahaha) 32) Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: Nope, no Toms here 33) Something that is getting on your nerves: Feeling like I’ve achieved nothing yet and that I’m not good at my job 34) Most visited website?: Facebook and tumblr. 35) Elementary: Changed schools so a bit unpleasant but made friends easily. 36) High School: Nice, I met all my friends there and we’re still tight. 37) University: Hell. Met my ex there which was nice, he was the only good thing about it, but my professors were really really mean, suffered a lot there. I think that’s why I finished it in 4 years hahaha then I did a post graduate course at a different uni with different professors and it was great! and my masters was in an online uni so it was good too. 38) Hair color: Almost black, a really intense dark brown. Though I now have ombre hair with some goldenish highlights. I looooove it. When I was younger I used to say I’d never dyed my hair (I was super proud of my black hair) but once I tried ombre there was no turning back hahaha 39) Long or short hair?: Short, right below my shoulders. 40) Do you have a crush on someone?: A ginger dude, Edward Christopher Sheeran, you may know him, he’s a singer or something like that. I used to have a major crush on a coworker for the past two years but we drifted away since we are not working together anymore unfortunately 41) What do you like about yourself?: hmmm looks wise? my eyes. Personality wise? that if I set a goal I will most likely achieve it, though I’d love to be more focus and hardworking, I’m waaaaaay too lazy. 42) Piercings?: My ears. 43) Blood type?: 0+ 44) Nickname?: Short versions of my name. My mom has hundreds of nicknames for me, all way too embarrassing to list here 45) Relationship status?: Single as a pringle, after 8 years of being in a relationship so I’m still getting used to it 46) Zodiac sign?: Libra 47) Pronouns: She/her. 48) Favorite TV show: hmmm I really like New Girl. I’m currently watching OITNB. Loved Stranger Things too. 49) Tattoos: None. But I’d love to get my first ones soon, a lighting bolt for Harry Potter and my comparsa (I really don’t know the word in english for it, but where I live we have carnival just like Rio de Janeiro, and we have “teams” that compite each year, well my team symbol is a lighting bolt) and Bibia be ye ye because that line came at the right time in my life so SHOUT OUT TO ANY SHEERIOS MEETING ED could you please please please ask him to write it down on a piece of paper so I can get it done in his handwritting? 50) Right or left hand?: Right hand.

FIRST…

51) Surgery: I’ve never had a surgery thank god. I’m super scared of needles (that’s why I don’t have tattoos) I think it’s a phobia, if I ever had to have a surgery it will be a disaster. Getting my blood drawn is the worse for me, I try to avoid it at all costs. Imagine if I had to get a IV? I’d die of fear. 52) Piercing: Again, needles involved so NOPE. Oh! I have my years pierced but it wasn’t my decision but my mum’s, I was a newborn, like weeks old. I don’t mind it though, I love to wear earrings, and if she didn’t do it I wouldn’t have the courage to do it. 53) Sport: Swimming, my grandma always insisted it was a must learn thing so she took us to take lessons from a pretty young age, I live in a river side city so it’s a life saving thing too. I have always loved it and was pretty good but I’m way too lazy. 54) Vacation: I went to Brazil with my family, I think we went to Torres. Brazil is amazing, beautiful place, great food and lovely people, they have this energy that is so contagious, I’m not a big fan of the beach but I’d love to go back there some time. 55) Pair of trainers: I was way too young to remember. WHY IS 56 MISSING <--- I didn’t notice this but MG did, great observation skills girl! 57) Eating: Today? Medialunas calentitas! Yum!  (a fresh out of the oven croissant but in an argentinean way, actually uruguayan? because the cafe where I ate them is from uruguay, and they are well known for their specials croissants)  58) Drinking: Orange Juice. 59) I’m about to: Get some worked done, because I should be working hahaha 60) Listening to: Be my Husband  61) Waiting for: something exciting to happen in my boring as hell life 62) Want: Quit my job and go travelling 63) Get married: I didn’t get married. I’m still not sure if I ever want to 64) Career: Graphic Design / I’m a web designer wannabe with a long way to go and so much to learn, but hey! I can build websites! hahaha

YOUR TYPE…

65) Hugs or kisses?: hmmm kisses maybe? 66) Lips or eyes?: Eyes. And if they are blue, oh god. 67) Shorter or taller?: Taller! I’m 5′1 so it’s not that hard hahaha but in argentina guys are not very tall. My ex was 6′ and people always mentioned he was huge. 68) Older or younger?: My age. A year younger or between 2 to 3 years older. My ex was 6 months younger than me and  I’d love to date a certain guy who is 4 months younger than me. 69) Nice arms or nice stomach?: Arms all the way. And a nice back too, I love backs (?) 70) Sensitive or loud?: Loud. 71) Hook up or relationship?: Relationship. I never had a hook up but I guess I prefer relationships. 72) Troublemaker or hesitant?: hmmm troublemaker? Can’t stand hesitant guys who just take too long to do something, I like driven people! 

HAVE YOU EVER…

74) Kissed a stranger?: Yeah.  75) Drank hard liquor?: Vodka is a hard liquor? If it is, yes. I love vodka with orange or lemon juice, don’t judge me. 76) Lost glasses, contact/lenses?: Miraculously, nope 77) Turned someone down?: Yep. 78) Sex on first date?: Nope.  79) Broken someone’s heart?: Hmm not sure, maybe but not intentionally. 80) Had your heart broken?: Hell yeah. I’m still dealing with it. 81) Been arrested?: Nope. 82) Cried when someone died?: Yes. 83) Fallen for a friend?: My coworker was some sort of friend, so yeah.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

84) Yourself?: Nope. 85) Miracles?: No. 86) Love at first sight?: No. 87) Santa Claus?: Not anymore. When we were little my parents told me it was baby jesus who brought the presents (I was raised catholic even though my father was agnostic) and Santa Claus (or Papá Noel as we called him) was just helping him because well, Jesus was a newborn hahaha but we were told we should thank baby jesus. 88) Kiss on the first date?: Didn’t have much dates, but on my first date with my ex we kissed so...wait is this thing asking if I believe in kissing on the first date? Well it depends on who the date is. 89) Angels?: No.

EVEN MORE…

90) Current best friend’s name: I don’t have one, I’m don’t open up easily. 91) Eye color: Brown. 92) Favorite movie: I don’t have a favorite one, but from the last ones I’ve seen Wonder Woman kicked all the other movies asses