#where I don't want to waste time and effort recommending them

[oldtvandcomics]

Queer Media Monday New Year Extra - 2023 Hall Of Infame

I was kind of supposed to do this at the end of the year, but missed the day because of Christmas, so it got postponed to New Year’s Eve. Which is a Sunday, but whatever. While I enjoy almost all the media I consume (I pick it carefully beforehand), there were three queer stories in 2023 that I just cannot recommend, but also are for one reason or the other too important to simply ignore. So, here is my 2023 Hall Of Infame. I’ll be more opinionated than usual, but let me have this, as a treat.

Loki (2021-2023)

As part of the MCU, alternate-timeline Loki escapes at the end of the 2012 movie The Avengers and gets caught up with a time-travel agency trying to keep the Multiverse in order. Notable for being the one that actually states Loki’s queerness on-screen. Well. At least his bisexuality. His genderfluidity, not as much.

This show had so. much. potential. Good actors, Disney budget, and a premise that can be taken in a million interesting directions. Unfortunately, they didn’t.

It seems like every time this show has to make a narrative choice, it takes the least interesting way. The new characters are shallow and Loki doesn’t feel like himself, probably because key parts of his backstory and personality have been simply ignored for no clear reason. Motivations aren’t established where they should be, and nothing is explored in depth. Interesting ideas, themes and concepts are brought up, just to be dropped immediately and never mentioned again. Oh, and that famous queer coming out scene? Was an offhand mention of Loki having dated men at some point. It never came up again.

This is not a good show. And not even in an interesting way, where we at least have a delightful trainwreck to analyze, but in a very boring, aggressively mediocre way. It’s nice if you want to watch something without having to care about characterization, themes or a bigger overarching story, or if you are doing what the entire fandom was doing and collectively hallucinate an entire different show. Otherwise, don’t bother. Go watch Doctor Who, Legends of Tomorrow or even Ministerio del Tiempo instead. The first two are very queer. The last one isn’t, but has great time travel bureaucracy and a cool morally gray lesbian as part of its main cast.

Le Premier Jour de Paix by Elisa Beiram

Read as part of my project to read more French books by French authors, this was sold to me with the promise of it being about living in peace and how to achieve it. Also, queer. It… Wasn’t entirely wrong?

So the blurb on the back is misleading. Aureliano is where the story starts out, but the book actually follows three stories, each on a somewhat bigger scale than the previous. Aureliano is the first, and the least important one. The second is a woman whose job is to travel around and solve smaller local conflicts, the third the lead negotiator for world peace. She is in contact with an alien, who uses neopronouns, hence the book’s classification as queer.

If you want an idea of a better future, this book is not it. It is very, very bleak, set in a world ravaged by climate change, where everyone still alive is just kind of carrying on with not much hope at all and a lot of resentment for the people in the past. There is also a discussion that can be had about aliens as queer representation and the implications of humanity needing alien intervention for the conflicts to stop. 

I must admit that the aliens were quite good, world building-wise, and that the author has clearly done research into climate change, conflicts and how to solve them, and was kind enough to include a list of sources in the back. She clearly cared a lot and did the best work she could. However, it feels like she’d been trying to write a hopeful book without being able to envision a hopeful future. 

Interesting book, and I wouldn’t recommend against it. But probably also not for it.

Fanfic (2023)

Fanfic is a Polish movie about a transgender boy coming to terms with his gender. It is a movie I very much wanted to like, because we definitely could use more Eastern European queer movies. Also, I love fanfictions as much as the next Tumblr user, and this is a subculture that definitely has not been explored enough on screen. Especially in relation to queerness, the potential is enormous.

Frankly, I don’t think the filmmakers knew here what they were talking about. They missed both the fanfiction and the trans aspects.

What the main character is writing here is not fanfiction. It is called fanfiction, but lacks the connection to fandom culture or even any recognizable source material. It appears to be about a band, or it is a band AU, and all characters are very obvious self-inserts. But like, what band?! It’s never elaborated upon. The story works well this way, but if you are going to call a movie “Fanfic”, then it does need to have some insight into actual fan culture, or it is just false advertising. As to the trans aspect, it feels strongly simplified, to the point that it seems unauthentic. I am not a trans man myself, but I have been in a difficult place at the age of the characters, and as such can say with certainty that this movie does not understand the amount of pain its protagonist is in. 

First, the transition happens very quickly. He pretty much goes from “hey, boy’s clothes, I like” to cutting off his hair binding his breasts and wanting to be called a boy within a day, with no signs of him actively questioning his gender before. As I said, I’m not trans, but based on what I’ve seen on the Internet, it definitely takes longer than this. Also, what bothers me more: This seems to magically fix all of his problems immediately. He becomes visibly confident and relaxed, has no trouble insisting on people gendering him right, and stands up for a classmate when she’s being picked on by the teacher. Coming from a character who days before was seriously depressed and drowning reality in self-insert fiction and stolen pills, no, I don’t buy it. What makes me the most upset is that one scene where a classmate calls the protagonist out for being so caught up with his own issues that he’s blind to those of other people, and it is framed as a good thing. As I said, I’ve been there. To this day, I have absolutely no idea what my classmates were doing around that time, because I was caught up in my own pain and my own need to survive and simply didn’t have any mental energy left for anything else. It sucks that Tosiek couldn’t be there for his friends, but given the pain he was in? Not his fault.

I repeat. This movie is doing its best, but clearly does not fully understand the subjects it chose.

So yeah. All three of these stories had a huge potential, and absolutely failed to live up to it. They are still worth knowing about. Loki, because it was a huge fandom phenomena, the other two, because they are stories by smaller, non-anglophone creators who clearly did their best. Eventually, they failed, but the stories could still be interesting conversation starters.

Happy New Year, everyone! Here’s to more good queer media!

Queer Media Monday is an action I started to talk about some important and/or interesting parts of our queer heritage, that people, especially young people who are only just beginning to discover the wealth of stories out there, should be aware of. Please feel free to join in on the fun and make your own posts about things you personally find important!

[thr0wnawayy]

A Waste of Air (Why Inasa Sucks as a Character)

Reasoning

Boring quirk (wasted potential, uncreative)

Wind powers are so underutilized and Inasa's is no different. It effectively amounts to 'what Hellflame does but worse'.

Whereas Enji at least has some (albeit very limited) control over the form of his fire and where it comes from his body, Inasa can only move wind around in a spiral and also use it to propell himself.

His existance only serves to be a hindrance and an obstacle both to the plot and to the characters

Literally only exists as an obstacle to Shouto, backtracking on Shoto's previous growth just so Bakugo (authors pet-cough) won't fail alone.

His introduction downplays Momo's accomplishments and skill. Taking her top spot in the Recommendation Exam by turning it into a technicality because he raged quit. (she isn't even in the flashback)

His stupid backstory.

His backstory is so fucking contrived that I almost don't want to even bother going into it.

Firstly, his reaction to Shoto's demeanor is so disproportionate that it's pathetic

Oh boo hoo, your idol was mean to you. Yeah that would work, with anyone but Shouto. It's veery similar to the Hitoshi problem. Where he bases his opinion about something/someone he knows nothing about.

Telling Shoto he's 'just like his father' is probably the worst thing you can tell him.

Secondly, He takes Shoto's reaction/rejection in the worst way possible. If what Enji had done or said had been more severe, then his reaction would be understandable as a trauma response.

However why don't we look at what Enji said:

Presumably he knocked Inasa out of the way, while an incredibly unprofessional and cruel thing to do and say (especially to a child who just wants an autograph). It does not justify his reaction towards Shoto after the entrance exam nor at the licensing exam.

It doesn't justify him throwing away his spot at UA like a child.

And it certainly doesn't justify Inasa antagonizing him in the middle of an exam!

It makes Isana come off as short sighted and inconsiderate, ironically the very same way he views Enji and (because he can't or won't differentiate the two) Shoto.

How I would Write Them

I'm not just going to sit here and moan about how lacking Hori's writing can be at times, no.

I'm going to do something about it.

Genderbend (or trans that gender)

This show is in desperate need of female characters getting the spotlight and being allowed to show their skills.

Change her backstory to emphasize Enji's sexism:

Basically she goes up to Enji after a villain arrest and excitedly tells him about how she's a fan and has been practicing very hard. She creates a decently sized tornado in her palm to show him (not much bigger than a canteen)

He then scoffs dismissively (almost snickering at her) and says something like: "Someone of your constitution would never make it to the top, stay out of the way girl and let the heroes handle it"

he glares at her before walking off with his back turned to her.

He then tosses her notebook back behind his back, burning it's corner in the process by his careless quirk use

(bonus points if the flame is snuffed via landing in a puddle, showing how her dreams were metaphorically "put out".)

Have Shoto's (unintentional) attitude remind her of Enji's insult (by dismissing her accomplishment of besting him [while still losing to Momo)

Make her resemble Rei (but not be related):

Adding another layer of connection and trauma for Shoto.

Have him seek her out instead and make her want nothing to do with him (at least at first, with the exam later forcing them to work together and gain a mutal understanding)

Upgrade her powers to something besides (Wind go wooosh).

This could be anything, personally I'd make it varied, like she's able to both mimic Air Walk and Air Cannon but can also fly around, create tornadoes and even create air pockets. Thus showing her growth and efforts.

I will say this again, Pro. Hero. Family, Make her a legacy kid. Show just how biased Hero Society can be towards those with Heroic ties.

Don't toss her after the arc is done, keep her appearances consistent, yet spaced out.

Have her appear after the Licensing Exam, highlight both 1A's growth by having her grow with them.

I would also merge the remedial course with the Licensing Exam as a sort of second portion that involves showing restraint and kindness, as well as problem solving and situation awareness in a domestic setting.

Showing that heroism is or should be more than just "punch harder, punch with feeling".

Lastly here's the design I came up with and a little information to boot.

(nothing fancy just a head and a 3rd quarter sketch, no Hero costume yet)

Isana Yaorashi, Kanji: 勇渚 (勇: brave, strong, resolute. 渚 ripple or wave (used here as a substitute for "wave" of air) also used to represent the "ripples" Enji's insult had on her life and the she impressions that she leaves on others)

Legacy Child, comes from a long line of heroes, though her parents were not about that life. Her grandfather is the one who recommended her for UA and later Shiketsu: Yoroi Musha.

Holds an intense grudge against Endeavor for his sexism and his careless/cruel tendencies. Isana wishes to show the world that "heat" isn't what makes a hero.

Personality: Very intense, a fighter to her core. Isana seldomly backs down from a challenge, however she's more than willing to push that aside to help someone in need.

Applied for both U.A and Shiketsu in advance, left due to Shoto's attitude being to remincent of an encounter she had with Endeavor's true face during her childhood.

Placed Second in the Recommendation Exam at U.A then dominated Shiketsu's Entrance Exam with a total of 100 points!.

Probably got into fights alot as a kid. Probably for good reason too.

[heartfullofleeches]

Tsun Yan Camboy + G.N Loser Reader- [mdni]

A chronically online shut in and the roommate blessed misfortunate enough to bunk with them.

God - he can't stand you. How can you even consider yourself his roommate? All you ever do all day is hole yourself up in your room wasting the day away watching your favorite streamers and actors - and when you do leave, all you ever talk about is them. It's disgusting - you're disgusting. He should find another roommate and be done with you. There you go again babbling on about your fav streamer reading your message today .....why don't your eyes ever light up like that when he's talking to you?...

Your roommate eventually gets fed up and steals your phone while you're sleeping. What do they have that he doesn't? Granted, you had made a move on him when he first moved which he quickly shot down. Undressing him with your eyes, hurling disgusting flirts and taking any chance to grope at him in close counters. His heart leapt straight into his pants remembering the last time he accidentally left the door open a crack and caught you staring like a predator to prey - belittling him more to just a slab of meat. It made him sick... it made him feel desired.

All these creators on your feed. Your messages are nothing short of repulsive too. A little bit of skin exposed and you just couldn't help yourself. He could do it too. Better than all the little tramps that caught your eye. It would be easy too. Everyone always complimented him on his physical appearance anyways - always trying to offer him their couch while things with you were getting figured out when the only place he wanted to be was your bed.

He got to work as soon as he returned your phone - creating various accounts on sites you frequented and buying everything he needed to get started. He even obtained a gym membership to work on his flexibility and thighs which he later switched to home training as his popularity grew; giving you the middle finger whenever you inquired where he was going and made the indepth observation his ass had gotten bigger than you remembered this past few weeks.

It didn't take long for him to gain traction.

A lot of the things you enjoyed could apply to the masses and he put more effort into his research than anything he had prior - even just confessing his love. He wore the outfits you loved, spoke in the breathy tones you liked, and on those specially lonely nights - he spanned your messages with invites for his pages so frequently you probably wouldn't checked him out sooner if you hadn't thought they were bots. None of the fame, fans or money really mattered - until he saw that familiar name in his inbox.

"Hey gorgeous, loved your vids~ hope you would do me the pleasure of texting me back sometime."

And he did - everyday. You're such an utter mess when it comes to acting like a functional being it's no wonder you were blocked by a few streamers before he thinned the list out - but it was the cutest thing. He was jealous of his own self now for having your full attention, but the anonymity allowed him to do things for he normally wouldn't in a million years- like spreading his legs open on his desk and showing you what exactly your sweet, fucked up words do to him.

To combat the threat of you finding his identity he wears cute masks and wigs - eventually earning enough to rent a small apartment to keep you fully in the dark. You might point out a mole on his backside in the same place as your new favorite streamer, but a quick dick pic from said individual draws whatever conversation you started to a close. Always searches for your recommendations out of thousands when asking for input on his next fit/scene and calls all of his followers his subjects - while wearing a choker that says master on it. It's still a little irritating to hear you ramble about some bitch you found online - but being that bitch makes it all worth it.

"You should see dude's hips... I mean - the handles on this guy.... don't even get me started on the things he does with his tongue.

Your roommate scoffs and rolls his eyes - nursing a sucker between his lips as he hits order on the swim suit you suggested to him and sends you the confirmation email along with a good morning

[jayden-killer]

DREAMS ARE MY REALITY.

what would happen if your favourite fictional character appeared in your bed..?

Part 2

A/N: finally came back! Exams period is almost done, so I can mainly focus on writing fan fics and replying to your comments. Thanks to everyone who never stopped giving me support during these months.~ For this story I was heavily inspired by the "Reality" song by Richard Sanderson. Last night I watched "La Boum" and something clicked in my mind the moment the movie titles came by. I highly recommend that movie (and its main song!).

☆

Fantastic. Another day gone bad. Not only I lost my notes taken at university with great effort (who knows where they flew thanks to the wind...), but it had rained until the end of the afternoon and a careless car passed by at great speed, soiling me with rain and migo mixed together.

«Ugh! You fucker!» My feet stomped hard on the dirt, realizing that what had just happened was just the beginning of a long evening. I'll just open the front door, walk into the kitchen, and throw my comfort on the sofa that I look forward to.

It seemed like an eternity would pass on the way back, and my body barely even managed to walk, almost like a dead weight. Don't walk on the ground. That would have been the last straw.

«Shit,» I thought aloud, the moment my eyes saw my house from afar, «Finally home». Taking the keys out of the backpack was also, a real pain in the ass: a real tangle of wires and metal had formed there since my headphones had not been folded properly. A sigh escaped from my lips the moment I walked through the front door, searching with difficulty for the light switch. I didn't waste any more time removing the ruined clothes (and placing them in a water bath) and letting a hot shower melt my nerves. It was just what I needed.

I knew I had a smile as I lathered my body thoroughly. Now the scent of lavender was something calming.

``I should make some tea too``.

~

«Oh, now that's what I am talking about! ». My smile didn't leave my face, as I excitedly opened the book I had left hanging a few days ago, due to my exam period. Being under stress didn't help me find the concertation and desire to identify myself with the main character of the book. ``That's enough``. This thought flooded my mind. ``Now you can rest, because you deserve it, so enjoy your reading``.

``Thanks, other me, maybe you're right`` I replied to the little inner voice that I assumed had a satisfied grin on her face.

Yet my eyes fell on the mega poster that took up most of my bedroom wall: Miguel O'Hara. This man was going to be the death of me one of these days. I remembered the day when my heart wanted him only for me: in the new Spiderman, starring Miles Morales, many would have said that he was the perfect villain, even if I kept countering, claiming the opposite. Of course, his anger issues didn't help get people on his side. He was perfect in every aspect: tall, muscular, intelligent, thoughtful. My god, where do I have to sign to have him next to me?

«Too good to be true». I sighed aloud again as I pulled my attention away from the poster and back into my book. I think it wasn't long after I started reading and my eyes started to get heavy. I might have let go of the book, and fallen asleep with it on my chest. It had been a bad day in every way. Perhaps that is the reason I imagined hugging Miguel more than once. Maybe that's why I also felt my mattress getting heavier under my back.

~

I was awakened by the sun's rays penetrating through the curtains of my room. I loudly grunted at the thought of getting up early to do my daily cleaning chores around the house. But what harm would it have been to stay in my warm bed for at least an hour longer? Turning over, I had the feeling that my bed had gotten much heavier. Or was I still dreaming of hugging Miguel?

Slowly my eyes opened and focused on an unfamiliar figure lying next to me. I had a moment of confusion. Why...was there a person in my bed?

Only when I fully focused on who was in front of me I almost fainted on the spot.

"AAAAHH!" I grabbed the first pillow nearby, slapping the stranger hard several times, and leapt out of bed, the pillow still in my hands. The man, taken aback, tripped on the ground, and a great thud resounded in the bedroom. I hugged the pillow tightly to my chest. Oh, holy god. What was happening at that moment? I was so confused I could have sworn my face was as just as confused.

The man grunted aloud and scrambled to his feet, throwing his hands in surrender.

«What the fuck did I do?!» he yelled, in sheer confusion too. Maybe at that moment, I could have passed out, I swear to whoever you want! Because whoever I had in front of me was a real dream.

«Holy shit...»

«What?!»

I swallowed hard. «You are Miguel O'Hara. Miguel O'Hara was in my room, in my bed!»

[wumblr]

what are those extreme chances where you have the possibi of changing other peoples minds?

lord, i don't know. i pulled my abusive mom halfway out of mormonism because she loved the idea of having children so much that it quite literally physically and medically broke her heart when i went no contact. and she still died avoiding responsibility for what she'd done, not knowing me very well at all, and saying things like "if i have a being after i'm gone," "some parents have like a sixth sense when something is wrong with their kids but i never understood that," and "my therapist said it's best not to burden children with any of that religious shit" (all signs that she did not interrogate any of the core underlying causes nor uproot the underlying beliefs. but also, signs of the half-distance she was able to cover)

obviously this did not go well and i can't say i recommend it, but i have to admit i did get further than people whose parents simply disown them. i have no explanation for why. my inability to theorize or develop a model that can explain or fix this kind of thing feels like a capital-G Great Failure. but it speaks to this unacknowledged and brutal reality that there are maybe a handful of people in someone's life who can really get them to stop, question, or pivot to change their underlying philosophy, moral core, or behavioral structure

if you acknowledge that, then you can't call shouting on the internet "activism." so i understand why people don't. because the painful truth is that we do not have any capacity to steer this sinking ship and we never did, it was always going to steer on towards war profiteering til it sank itself no matter what anybody said or did. the hard fact is that billions of people are throwing their lives away at this problem and the sum total of all their efforts is precisely nothing

i'm probably wasting my time stating this on the website where 95% of people do not read the news for their mental health because 80% of them would rather imagine fictional characters from the propaganda machine having sex. which is where they get the redemption arc shit. because they watch 70 tv shows a year that narratively hinge on these far-extremal experiences. of course i can see it would be nicer (for my mental health) to believe people can change. and i do. but i believe it's much, much, much, much rarer than anyone wants to admit, and for the vast majority of those extremely rare cases, they half-ass it. because whole-assing it involves ego death and facing mortality. which is painful, in an insultingly mundane and everyday way. you don't ever get to wake up one day having done all the work with the problem solved. that's why narrative fiction is so seductive. you get explicable character pivots and satisfying endings

[hannahlovesluca]

FFI

| ver - ….

| HEAVILY inspired by: In Another Life - BokuAka

| song: Mr. Loverman

A tremendous amount of time had passed since Y/N stepped foot into that damned hospital.

It was but a gloomy location in their mind, a place they did not like, but a place they had to go to. Y/N’s loved ones had insisted that they complete an internship at a local hospital, with the intention of enhancing their resume for future use.

Frequently, though, Y/N would have differing opinions with their parents, displeased with the recommendations they had provided them. Nevertheless, in the end, they would encourage them to fulfill the assigned responsibility, and somehow, they would complete it.

They didn't make much effort to inquire about the location to register for something, casually asking people without much interest or concern. They had no intention to care at the moment or in the foreseeable future. Y/N felt dissatisfied with his current situation and the activity they were engaged in. They were wasting their time seeking something they had no desire for.

A frail assistant nurse indicated the direction by pointing down the gloomy hall, guiding Y/N to another desk where they could gather additional information about the topic. Appreciatively, they expressed gratitude to the rather small nurse and proceeded further.

Y/N shut their eyes and exhaled, unconsciously wavering in movement, reopening their eyes just in the right moment to deftly evade crashing into someone.

It was just a random person, nothing special.

They moved in a circular motion around the male, expressing their apology in a straightforward manner before proceeding. A voice behind them reassured, "Don't worry about it," but it gradually diminished as Y/N carried on ahead.

Y/N knew they didn’t want this, they knew that they were going to be miserable.

Y/N stood motionless, choosing not to move any further as their legs declined to carry them. Despite the continuous flow of people passing by them in the corridors, nobody paid any attention to them. They lingered there, exhibiting hesitation, disinterest, and apathy.

Emotionless, others would say.

A different individual approached with gradually decreasing speed until coming to a complete stop, capturing Y/N’s attention as they encroached in their personal bubble.

Y/N could perceive their hand extending towards them from their side vision.

"Ah, you are able to move," he grinned at Y/N, his vibrant purple gaze meeting their own. It was the very person Y/N had nearly collided with before... Maybe he had stayed in the hallway observing as Y/N transitioned from a quick stride to an abrupt halt. They comprehended how this could be disconcerting for certain individuals.

Y/N sincerely inquired if there was any issue with their presence in that particular location.

"No, I don't believe so," he lowered his hand by his side, questioning their sudden halt and expressing concern for their well-being.

“I’m alright. I was just pondering.”

“Of what?”

A bombarder. How exhilarating.

“After my experience at this hospital, I have come to the realization that I no longer wish to continue seeking medical assistance here.”

“Were you sick or something?”

Y/N gazed at the stranger, informing him that they were not ill, yet somehow, felt sick the longer they stayed. Despite their cold response, it did not appear to dampen the male’s cheerful demeanor.

"I have the same opinion about this location, to be honest," He took a momentary break. "So, I assume you’ll be leaving in the near future?"

"Yes," Y/N adjusted their position, inclining towards the direction they had arrived from.

They had no desire to remain in their current location. His sole purpose was to depart. They believed they would inform their parents that the hospital staff were too preoccupied with other matters to attend to them. Without even sparing a glance towards the male, they began their journey. "Farewell.”

“Wait!”

Y/N shifted, annoyed. “Yes?”

“Whats your name?”

Why was he interested in learning their name? When would he have any need for it in the future? Y/N considered the possibility that the stranger might be a patient at the hospital, and they definitely didn't want to make acquaintances with someone who was unwell, especially since they already had very few friends.

“I don’t see why that would be necessary.”

The man sitting opposite them successfully concealed the expression of offense that nearly appeared on his face. He responded, "I get it. Just so you know, my name is Luca."

Y/N glanced tiredly towards Luca, acknowledged him with a nod, and proceeded on their path until they exited the building.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

It had been two weeks since Y/N last went to the hospital, and to their disappointment, they found themself walking along the same directionless route towards the same dreaded medical facility. They couldn't bear their parents' constant demands, but they were at least somewhat relieved to be away from home.

Y/N walked into the establishment and exchanged greetings with the lady stationed at the reception, as was their habit. They promptly made their way up the stairs leading to the section of the hospital they had come close to reaching a long time ago. Within a few minutes, they could see the information desk ahead, and surprisingly, they decided to approach it this time.

Y/N engaged in conversation with a petite lady, and after a few minutes had gone by, Y/N retreated from the desk, clutching a few documents. They proceeded down the corridor, letting out a deep sigh, determined to return home quickly.

“Hey! It’s you!”

Oh God.

Y/N couldn’t forget that voice. They let out another sigh, this time feeling even more weighed down. They shifted their gaze in the opposite direction.

“Luca.”

“Emotionless one!” Luca grinned at his own joke.

“Do not call me that.”

"I remember you mentioning that you would never come back to this place." His tone conveyed an unusual sense of enthusiasm.

“That was never directly stated.”

“It was implied!”

“It was, in fact, implied.” Y/N stated, coldly.

Luca maintained a constant smile on his face, despite his weary eyelids contradicting his cheerful countenance.

Why do I consistently encounter peculiar individuals?

“So… why’re you here?” Luca asks, his cheerful façade never once faltering.

"Whats brought you here again?"

Y/N’s lips twisted to one side as they responded, "I could ask the same from you..."

Arching thick, blonde eyebrows above a tinge of purple, he confidently stated, “Actually, I am meant to be present at this location.”

Y/N let out a yawn. "Are you an intern?"

"No need to worry, patient." His smile was disconcerting.

The H/C-ette frowned quietly, acknowledging their own lack of sensitivity.

Luca let out a chuckle and reassured, "You're mistaken; there's nothing to be concerned about."

Despite wearing regular, informal attire, there was an undeniable sense of unwellness about him upon closer inspection. He appeared noticeably paler than the rest of the individuals navigating the hallways, and his eyes were adorned with tired, dark circles.

Y/N took it upon themselves to not stare.

"I know that you won't inquire, so I'll inform you instead. Based on the information I've been given, the doctors refer to my condition as... FFI?" Luca crossed his arms, projecting an aura of casualness. "Fatal Familial Insomnia, if my memory serves me right?"

Y/N felt a chilling sensation travel up their back. The illness mentioned was completely unfamiliar to them. It caused enough concern for them to express their thoughts.

“I’d rather not know any more.”

"I'm sorry, but even if you asked, I wouldn't be able to provide an answer." A chuckle followed. "All I can tell you is that I don't sleep as well as I used to." What would normally be difficult for someone to admit, he said effortlessly, accompanied by that familiar smile.

Y/N couldn't resist the urge to almost return a smile, with their lips barely moving. They gazed towards Luca, directly at him this time. "Do you come here daily?"

"Absolutely! I have been coming here for around…. four weeks now." He blinked slowly.

"I understand," Y/N acknowledged with a single nod. A brief moment passed without any conversation, and the ensuing silence quickly turned uncomfortable. "Well, it's time for me to leave now."

Exclude him, keep him away. He is unwell.

"Wait, just a moment-."

Y/N’s teeth tightened. "I really need to leave, Luca." They began walking away.

Please, do not persist.

Luca humbly requested, "Please, lend me your ears." With his hands resting by his side, he respectfully bowed. "It will only take a moment."

Y/N, although straightforward, possessed compassion. They exhaled forcefully and pivoted around. "Whats the matter? I’m pressed for time."

Witnessing a glimmer of excitement in Luca’s eyes, Y/N straightened their posture and reached into their pocket. Retrieving a phone, much to Y/N’s dismay, Luca inquired about obtaining their phone number.

What should they do? What should they say? Y/N didn't see anything remarkable about Luca. Why did the frail one suddenly develop an affinity for them? Y/N wished to distance themself, discard the paperwork, and never return to that hospital. However, for some inexplicable and bothersome reason, Y/! struggled to refuse Luca. They made an effort to resist, they really did, but they simply couldn't.

"I... I'm not really a person who texts often," Y/N whispered. They glanced at Luca’s phone, unable to meet his gaze. "I'm usually occupied with work, so it might not be a wise decision to try and stay in touch with me."

He observed as Luca’s fingers wrapped around the phone, and his own hand gradually retreated.

"But," Y/N surprised themself with that single utterance. The sight of Luca’s hand, which had halted abruptly, remained in his vision. "Perhaps I can manage to spare some moments for conversation occasionally," they implied. Lifting their head, their gaze eventually intersected with Luca’s, where he observed a gleam in those distinctive purple eyes.

He quickly inputted his number and then passed the phone to Luca, with the name field left blank.

"Thank you," he exclaimed, brimming with enthusiasm, while he proceeded to input the name for his new contact. Y/N attentively observed Luca’s movements as he silently formed the words and typed them into the device.

"E-m-o-t-i-o-n-l-e-s-s—o-n-e." Luca was about to save the contact until Y/N interrupted.

"You don't need to include that," they exhaled wearily. "It's...Y/N."

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

As the sun descended, painting the sky with a vibrant, fiery orange hue, Y/N found themself seated on their bed, laptop resting on their lap, fingers moving swiftly as they scrolled and typed.

“FFI.” Y/N muttered to themselves.

The page was successfully loaded. Y/N immediately immersed themself in the text.

"(FFI) is an exceptionally uncommon genetic prion disorder that affects the brain and is inherited in an autosomal dominant manner... FFI currently lacks a known remedy and manifests as an increasingly severe sleep disorder, resulting in hallucinations, delirium, and confusion similar to dementia..."

Y/N pressed their thin lips together until they formed an even thinner line. For a while, their fingers remained rigid as they repeatedly read the opening paragraph.

Y/N kept reading, contemplating the words in front of them. "So, there is no cure," they murmured. They continued reading out loud, "Every person afflicted with this illness inevitably succumbs to it within a year or less."

They gently touched his face. "Of course." Y/N placed their head on their hand, with their chin supported by their palm.

I’m curious if Luca is aware of all of this. Surely, he must have researched about it at some stage, correct? It was the logical thing to do, given that he was the one experiencing the mentioned illness.

They thought back to the bags under Luca’s purple eyes.

“All I can tell you is that I don't sleep as well as I used to.”

Y/N let out a rapid breath through their nostrils, emitting a noise resembling amusement. They educated themselves about the indications and blinked softly, placing a hand on their mouth. Y/N shut down their laptop and reclined on the bed. They gazed at the ceiling, contemplating.

“What did I get myself into?"

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

New iMessage!

Originating from Luca, this message was sent on July 29th at 11:56 PM.

"Hi there! Hope this isn’t a bad time for you!"

Y/N raised their head from their pillow and extended a hand to grasp the vibrating phone. The intense light made them narrow their eyes while reading the message. Silently, they deliberated whether or not to reply. They blinked tiredly and glided their fingers along the edges of the phone, a display of exhaustion that they couldn't resist. Y/N observed as the screen turned off, prompting them to place the phone back on the nightstand, opting to disregard the message.

They struggled to fall asleep for approximately an hour after receiving the text, but eventually drifted off.

During the remaining hour they were awake, Y/N did not receive any further messages.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

The following day, Y/N chose to remain at home. They spent most of the day in their room and stayed awake for at least two hours before finally picking up their phone.

They glanced at the message Luca had sent the previous night. Y/N's thumb hesitated over the keyboard, contemplating what to write.

From: Y/N (Sent at 4:43pm)

[Hi.]

Luca:

[Hiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!]

[You must’ve been asleep when I texted last night!]

Y/N was astonished. They had never experienced such a prompt reply before.

Y/N:

[Yeah, I was.]

Luca:

[How are you?]

Y/N:

[I'm okay... Just catching up on some track things...]

Luca:

[TRACK?! You like track too?! WE HAVE TO RUN TOGETHER SOON.]

Y/N winced slightly and narrowed their eyes at their phone screen. Luca was an extremely lively texter. It was challenging for Y/N to match his energy, and they believed this would be a lasting arrangement.

Y/N:

[Why not? Will they even let you out of the hospital?]

Luca reluctantly agrees, stating that he is still capable of moving around and reaching his destinations. The only issue he is facing is insomnia, preventing him from getting proper sleep.

Y/N frowned. The text messages from Luca were filled with ignorance, and Y/N could sense it. Did Luca truly believe that his hospital admission was solely due to difficulty sleeping? Y/N was well aware of the specific illness he had, so why was Luca so cheerful about it? Why didn't he grasp the seriousness of his own condition?

It seemed as if Luca was intentionally pretending to be foolish; it was highly likely.

Y/N:

[Then I guess I'll see you at the hospital around a week from now. I know a track we can go to...]

Luca:

[A WEEK?!]

Y/N:

[I can reschedule if that’s too far from now...]

Luca:

[It’s all good! I got time.]

I got time. Y/N heard the words repeat in their mind, as though they had been uttered out loud. Y/N looked at the display screen and furrowed their brow in slight confusion. Did Luca possess knowledge about the life expectancy of individuals with his ailment? Was he simply pretending to be foolish? Y/N wondered about the true nature of Luca’s character.

Y/N’s indifference transformed into curiosity, which ultimately led them to become closer to their new friend.

Y/N:

[Nice.]

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

"Y/N!"

Y/N hadn't seen Luca for another two weeks, but this time he stood outside the hospital, keeping a distance of several meters from the entrance.

Y/N glanced away from their mobile device and quickly put it inside their coat pocket as the enthusiastic hospital patient walked towards them. Without any delay, Luca stood before Y/N, filled with anticipation to reach the track.

"I haven't left the hospital for weeks." He observed his surroundings. The weather was unusually cold, occasionally accompanied by a gentle wind that made the autumn leaves rustle in the trees. With determination, he carefully observed every detail with his penetrating purple eyes.

Luca placed his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, causing his shoulders to stoop. An exhale produced a cloud of smoke from his mouth. He appeared even paler than previously, and the dark circles beneath his eyes were more prominent. Luca seemed extremely fatigued, yet he remained enthusiastic about heading to the track.

Y/N didn't have an opportunity to say a word before Luca swiftly turned his head towards them, focusing all his attention on them.

Y/N indicated down the road, stating that the track was approximately ten minutes away.

In response, Luca enthusiastically started walking ahead, urging Y/N to keep up with him at a faster pace, regardless of their preference.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

The noise made by their athletic shoes on the crimson running path evoked vivid memories, prompting Y/N to pause and reflect on the past, almost as if this act could transport them back to the days when they used to run daily after school. After some time, Y/N reopened their eyes, let out a deep breath, and resumed running alongside Luca.

Y/N and Luca had an unspoken understanding between them. Their relationship was peculiar, to say the least. Y/N would respond to his inquiries with a detached and emotionless manner, yet Luca valued these responses and would enthusiastically respond. He appeared to be unfazed by any offense. Luca was unlike anyone Y/N had encountered before.

Luca's persistent and energetic nature set him apart from others, as he refused to let go of situations that most people would distance themselves from. This behavior was rather disconcerting, causing Y/N to slightly withdraw and display a frown.

Luca's voice overflowed with excitement as he exclaimed, "This brings back nostalgic memories." With unrelenting determination, he continued running at the same speed. Although his mind was eager to keep pushing forward, his physical endurance was lacking.

Luca's increased speed left Y/N impressed, but their admiration was short-lived when Luca abruptly halted.

Luca gazed into the distance from the racetrack, his face reflecting his state of confusion. After a brief pause, he uttered softly.

"Do you think... They don't actually exist, do they?" He uttered the words with hesitation.

Y/N looked over towards the spot where Luca was focused but saw nobody else present. It was just the two of them on the track. Y/N was feeling a slight discomfort.

"They do not actually exist." They had to push themselves to utter the simple five-word phrase.

Luca silently gestured acceptance with an "Okay," before taking a few steps backwards. "Is it possible for us to continue running?"

"Certainly," Y/N affirmed with a single nod, and that was sufficient reassurance for Luca as they both resumed their sprint.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

During their journey back from the track, Y/N consented to Luca staying overnight at their place.

Unknowingly, Y/N mentioned that their parents were away, which triggered Luca to desperately plead for an extended stay until Y/N gave in. Typically, Y/N would become annoyed by Luca's incessant nagging, but the sight of Luca's beaming smile whenever they agreed to something made all of Y/N's frustration vanish from their mind.

Within minutes, they swiftly arrived at Y/N's house, moving at a quicker pace than usual. Despite the additional jacket provided by Y/N, Luca, the frail individual, trembled like a helpless creature. Once indoors, Luca breathed out, acknowledging the warmth, and promptly removed his shoes, causing a slight shiver.

Y/N proceeded ahead, indicating the direction of their room.

Luca walked quickly behind, once again taking note of his surroundings, as he had found someone else's interior quite intriguing. The arrangement of objects, orderly and precisely positioned, imparted a cozy ambiance to Y/N's house. It brought back memories of his own home.

Luca almost collided with Y/N as they paused to enter their assigned room.

"Feel free to choose any spot." They settled onto the bed and crossed one leg over the other, reaching for their laptop to power it on.

"Is the bed okay?" Luca removed Y/N's jacket.

"I said any spot would do."

After those words, Luca immediately sat down on the mattress and accidentally hit his head against Y/N's shoulder, causing them to recoil and make a sound of discomfort. Y/N moved slightly to create more space for the visitor, but Luca was still in close proximity, close enough for their arms to make contact. Y/N let out a tired sigh as they asked Luca if he wanted to watch a movie.

Luca hunched over and inserted his hands into the pocket of his hood. "Sure, anything will do." He focused his intense purple gaze on the screen.

"Alright." Y/N accessed the first film stored in their computer's memory. They moved the laptop aside and began playing it.

"What's it called?" Luca looked at them with confusion evident in his expression.

“The Lake House.”

“How long is it?”

“An hour and a half.”

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N was brought back to reality by the sound of rain hitting hard against the window. They quickly glanced around, feeling tired but quickly calming down once they regained their memory. They had dozed off for a short moment, with their arms crossed and their head resting on a thick bunch of pillows. After exerting much effort, they sat up to observe Luca.

The movie had been going on for more than an hour and was coming to an end. Luca was lying on his side, curled up and tightly holding onto the blanket, using the last remnants of his strength. His eyes were halfway closed and fixed on the screen, his face showing no emotions. It almost seemed as if he was asleep.

"Luca?" Y/N asked in a drowsy voice.

Y/N's gaze met Luca's as his purple eyes slowly moved to the side. He turned his head weakly, shifting his body along with it.

"I apologize. I've seen this movie so many times that I actually dozed off." Y/N ran a hand down their face in exhaustion.

No need to apologize," Luca replied with a smile. "It's your place. Sleep if you want to."

"But not if I have a visitor."

"It's alright. I'm not just any visitor, we're friends," Luca reassured, his head tilting to the side as he focused back on the movie. "You were asleep for about an hour."

Y/N let out a sigh, feeling envious. They massaged the back of their neck.

"I wish I could sleep like you."

A sense of guilt rose within Y/N's chest. They realized how impolite it was to easily fall asleep in front of someone who struggled with it.

"I apologize for being insensitive," they thought, furrowing their brow.

"Don't worry about it," Luca said, shifting as he laid down and playfully kicking Y/N with his leg. "The movie kept me company. It's really good, although a bit confusing. I'll have to watch it again."

It was peculiar. Luca was an odd individual. He appeared unaffected by many things, and was straightforward about others, uttering sentences without much contemplation. Y/N doubted they would invite Luca over again, so hearing him say 'I'll have to watch it again,' didn't sit well with them.

Y/N pursed their lips and decided to change the subject. "Are you feeling tired?"

"Exhausted," Luca honestly replied.

"For now, close your eyes." With considerable effort, Y/N swung their legs out of bed and stood up. "I'll fetch us some water." They hurriedly left the room, leaving Luca alone.

After a few seconds, they returned to find Luca in a completely different position in bed. He was lying on his back, resting his head on Y/N's pillows. His hands were placed on his stomach, with a light pink blanket partially covering him but slipping off enough to expose his torso. His head was slumped to the side, facing away from Y/N and resting against the bed.

Y/N would have thought that Luca was already fast asleep if they didn't know any better. They approached the bedside quietly, and the room was dimly lit by the soft orange glow of the lamp.

They placed the drinks on the bedside table and cautiously climbed into bed, trying not to disturb the other. Y/N lay on their back and stared at the ceiling.

They remained silent for what felt like an eternity before Y/N finally broke the silence and spoke up.

"How does it feel to be unable to sleep?"

Luca's response was delayed.

"It feels terrible."

He turned his head towards Y/N and continued, "During the day, I struggle to keep my eyes open, and at night, I can't seem to close them." He chuckled slightly.

Y/N then asked, "Does it make you frustrated?" Luca replied, "In the beginning, yes, when I didn't understand why. But now, I've come to terms with it."

He reached up to run his fingers through his messy hair and added, "Although I do miss sleeping and dreaming."

Y/N observed Luca closely, paying attention to each word he spoke. Luca continued, "I used to have vivid dreams, especially before important track competitions."

He laughed again, this time louder, and said, "I would dream about stumbling, and then I'd wake up angry, continuously convincing myself that I was the best."

Y/N's E/C eyes sought an honest response from Luca as they asked, "Do you still believe that you are the best?"

He responded with a smile, letting out a sigh. Luca then closed his eyes, placing one hand on his temple, clearly displaying his fatigue and weariness through his movements.

Y/N fell quiet and intertwined their fingers on their abdomen, allowing their head to rest on the pillow. From that point on, neither of them uttered a word, concluding the discussion.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N had been lying awake in bed for two hours since they last spoke to each other. Unbeknownst to Luca, they observed him quietly with slightly closed eyes, using their lashes as a cover to conceal their wakefulness. Although tired, Y/N still couldn't sleep due to their genuine fascination with Luca.

Luca would remain motionless for a considerable amount of time, tilting his head to the side and placing one hand on his stomach while the other rested at his side. Y/N would perceive this as a state of rest and would almost believe it until Luca abruptly jolted awake, interrupting his futile attempt at relaxation.

In the beginning, Y/N didn't pay much attention to it. Luca would flinch and quickly return to reality, as if waking up from a nightmare. However, Y/N knew that this was not possible due to Luca's condition. It made Y/N feel sorry for him.

Three times, Luca abruptly woke up, and each time, he covered his eyes and let out a quiet sigh. Y/N chose not to react to those moments, hoping to spare their visitor from the embarrassment of witnessing it. They planned to close their eyes and go back to sleep afterwards. However, after feeling the mattress shake for the fourth time, they opened their eyes.

Y/N propped themselves up on their elbows and whispered, "Luca."

Startled, Luca quickly turned towards them. His face showed a mix of shock and exhaustion. "Y/N? I'm–"

"Don't." Y/N's voice was barely audible as they moved closer to Luca and then laid back down on their back, with pillows supporting their slightly elevated head. "Don't apologize."

Feeling somewhat embarrassed, Luca looked away and rubbed his arms.

"Please come," Y/N gestured to their visitor.

Luca redirected his attention towards Y/N, meeting their gaze with a puzzled expression, unsure of the intended meaning behind their words.

"I asked you to come," they motioned for Luca to approach. "Come here." Y/N extended their arm, as if preparing for an embrace.

Luca hesitantly complied, moving closer to Y/N and resting against them, finding a comfortable position within the curve of their arm. Despite being larger in size, he fit perfectly.

Luca's head rested on Y/N's shoulder while Y/N cautiously wrapped their arm around his broad shoulders.

No words were exchanged between them.

Minutes passed, and gradually, Y/N felt Luca relax against them, exhaustion finally taking over. His head drooped onto their shoulder, and his hands rested on their stomach. He was making an effort, striving to get some rest that would help him through the following day, and Y/N wanted to assist.

As much as they resisted the idea, Y/N had a strong desire to provide support.

Why?

Y/N observed one of Luca's hands twitch involuntarily, causing him distress. They reached out slowly, enclosing his trembling hand with their own, their four fingers fitting perfectly into Luca's palm. Within seconds, his hand became steady again.

Y/N took a quiet breath. Their gaze was fixed on Luca, observing the gentle rise and fall of his chest accompanying each life-sustaining inhalation. His breathing was measured, resembling that of a peacefully slumbering individual. Pressing their lips together, Y/N leaned back against the pillows. They tilted their head sideways, facing Luca's direction. Inhaling, they detected a faint scent reminiscent of the medical facility he is stationed at.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N arrived at the hospital once again that week, with their hands tucked into their jacket pockets and their nose buried in a dark blue knit scarf to shield them from the cold weather.

This had become a daily routine for Y/N ever since Luca had visited their home two months ago. Even if Y/N didn't physically go to the hospital, they would still spend their days messaging Luca.

They walked into the hospital, exhaling through their nose, and greeted the woman at the front desk before taking off their scarf. Knowing exactly where to go, Y/N climbed the familiar steps, exchanged hellos with familiar faces, and turned the familiar corner that led to Luca's room.

However, this time they noticed another person sitting outside the room. Y/N observed the small male for a moment, realizing that he was engrossed in a handheld device and unlikely to notice them.

Instead of proceeding directly to Luca's room as they would normally do, Y/N hesitated upon hearing two voices emanating from inside. While one belonged to Luca, they couldn't identify the second voice.

Y/N paused and decided it would be impolite to interrupt Luca's conversation. Therefore, they approached the seating area and sat one chair away from the stranger.

Y/N gently tapped their fingers against their trousers in a calm manner.

“Here for Luca?” Y/N asks softly.

“Indeed,” replied the other person softly, with a cheerful expression, mentioning that his friend also intended to see him. "Are you both friends of Luca's?"

"Yes. Long-time friends." He powered down his mobile device, grinning at Y/N.

Y/N reclined in their chair, acknowledging the situation with a nod. They suppressed their curiosity, choosing to withhold the majority of their inquiries.

"Can I ask your name?" Y/N attempted to find out.

He adjusted his glasses and observed Y/N while his hair, a mix of dark gray and blue, framed his face.

"Ike Eveland."

"Y/N L/N." They sensed a pleasant atmosphere around Ike, as his manner of speaking exuded serenity.

Y/N sighed with a sense of relief, happy to have met someone new. However, their attempt to relax in the seat was interrupted by an unexpected voice that startled them shortly after Ike finished speaking.

"Yo, Ike. Who are you talking to?" A tall man emerged from Luca's room, sporting hair in shades of purple, pink, and yellow. His facial expression exuded sincerity, and his eyes darted between Ike, Y/N, and back to Ike.

"This is Y/N. I just met them," he replied candidly and cheerfully.

"Y/N?" Luca's voice echoed from the room this time. Y/N didn't need to see his face to sense his excitement. "They're here? Are they really here?"

"I am..." Y/N began to rise from their seat to enter the room, but Luca stood at the door within seconds, his eyes widened in surprise. He appeared thinner than before, wearing a loosely fitted hoodie. Over the past two months, he had likely shed more than twenty pounds.

Y/N expressed concern. "Please go back to bed."

Luca didn't let them finish their sentence before enveloping Y/N in a sudden embrace. "I didn't think you'd make it today." Despite his weight loss, his arms still possessed strength as he squeezed Y/N tightly, almost suffocating them.

Y/N frowned. "I told you I would..." they whispered against Luca's shoulder.

"What's this?" The taller man with purple hair gestured toward Y/N. "I come to visit and I'm hardly acknowledged, but when they're around, they get all the attention?"

Luca moved back to confront his smiling companion. "Oh, be quiet!" He subsequently directed his focus towards Y/N. "Meet Shu, someone I consider a best friend."

He tilted his head to one side. "Pleased to meet you, Y/N." He chuckled.

Y/N gave a single nod in acknowledgement of Shu's words, yet they were unsure of how to reply. Their only response was, "I appreciate your kind words," as they attempted to guide Luca back to his room.

"Woah! Wait!" Luca objected, remaining steadfast where he stood. "We were actually discussing the idea of going outside."

"Actually, I mentioned it as a mere suggestion, but he became extremely enthusiastic," Shu admitted while nervously rubbing the back of his head. "Consequently, we had planned to leave the room briefly, maybe for a couple of minutes."

"I have been confined in here forever! It’s been days since I last stepped outside," Luca's voice conveyed unease. Y/N had noticed that Luca had a dislike for being confined indoors during the short period they had known him. It might be beneficial to take him outside for a while and see if it improves his mood.

Y/N gazed down the corridor and suggested heading towards the garden located at the rear.

After a single statement, an implicit consensus was reached by all individuals. Shu initiated his movement down the hallway, with Luca following closely behind. Y/N proceeded after, aware of Ike's proximity. While walking, Y/N fixated on the rear views of the two men ahead. Both appeared to possess similar stature, yet it dawned on Y/N that Luca appeared slightly more diminutive.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N and Ike occupied a bench together for quite some time, while Luca and Shu engaged in their enthusiastic conversation, gesticulating with animated gestures. Y/N couldn't help but find it peculiar that Luca, who was actually unwell among them, was the one moving around. Perplexed, Y/N furrowed their brow and let out a deep sigh, their gaze fixed downwards. They focused their intense gaze on their knees until Ike broke the silence.

"You don’t like this either, do you?"

Y/N raised their head and glanced towards their side. They observed the individual with gray and blue hair intently for a considerable amount of time. Ike prevented them from having an opportunity to reply.

"I also dislike witnessing his distressed state. That is the reason why I didn’t want to come. But, Shu's persistence compelled me into coming.”Ike's genuine concern indicated that he sincerely meant every word he uttered.

"When did you and Luca become friends?" Y/N raised their head with a subtle curiosity.

"Two years in December," he replied with a lack of enthusiasm. "I had the chance to become acquainted with him thanks to the presence of Shu, Vox, and Mysta. But, when Mysta left, it destroyed Luca."

Luca's laughter, which seemed to be coming from nowhere, echoed across the garden in order to disprove Ike's claim.

Y/N's lips almost curved into a smile as they asked, "So, if I can inquire, how are you processing everything that has happened?”

"I'm..." Ike pondered for a moment, his lips pursing. "I'm handling it okay, or at least I believe I am. I'm attempting to distance myself. It's another reason why I avoided seeing Luca." He glanced downward, allowing his hair to cascade over his face. "There's something about Luca that doesn't feel right to me.”

Y/N appeared perplexed and mildly surprised as a facial expression formed on their face. "Is there a problem with him? Did he do something?"

"To the best of my understanding, he has not. However, even if he did, that is not the point I was trying to make," Ike said, using his sleeve to rub his nose. "Whether you have never encountered Luca before or have not seen him in a span of ten days, ten weeks, ten months, or ten years, any interaction with him, no matter how small, will serve as a reminder of his genuine goodness as a person."

Y/N gazed at Ike, unable to utter a word.

"He possesses authenticity, kindness, and an inherent innocence akin to that of a child; however, these are the very qualities that render him... endearing, in my opinion. He has the ability to captivate your attention. In addition, he demonstrates admiration for others while simultaneously proclaiming his own superiority in all endeavors.”

Y/N shifted their gaze gradually, observing Luca and Shu as they emerged once again in the far-off vicinity. They seemed engrossed in the ongoing dialogue they were engaged in, remaining absorbed.

"Shu appears content at the moment. However, in the past, he was not." Ike softly uttered these words. Y/N glanced at him, but he gazed into the distance, his eyes fixed on nothing specific. Y/N blinked and refocused their attention on Shu and Luca.

“Five weeks ago, he was in ruins. He had no desire to communicate with anyone other than me and Vox. I was the only one who offered my companionship to him." While speaking, he maintained his fixed gaze. "That was when he discovered the illness. However, the past month has been no different for him. He was hesitant to attend today's gathering as well. It's never easy to hear that someone you care about is unwell, especially when the disease is incurable. And as for Vox? He adamantly refused to join us. Luca meant a lot to him, like a younger sibling."

Luca and Shu engaged in an enthusiastic conversation, positioned away from anyone who could hear them.

“Luca's appearance is gradually changing, becoming less similar to his previous self.” Ike pauses.

“Previously, he had a bigger physique and was larger than Shu, but now he is the smaller one. Shu has taken on the role of being bigger and heavier than Luca.” Ike keeps his head down.

Y/N pressed their lips tightly, gazing downwards and observing Ike's intertwined fingers. He fidgeted with them anxiously, revealing what his expression refrained from displaying.

Y/N presumed that Luca had already initiated the process of luring Ike back into his schemes. Although it was a regrettable action, Y/N understood that Luca didn't have any deliberate intentions. By simply engaging in a conversation with Luca, anyone would instantly become a part of his lively mischief once more.

Y/N was aware of this. A similar incident occurred to them approximately two and a half months ago. Had they anticipated that sending simple text messages would result in frequent trips to the hospital, they would never have given out their phone number.

This was not their intention or desire. Y/N hoped for friends who were in good health and with whom they could have regular conversations, rather than having to devote personal and emotional time to a single sick friend. Y/N felt a lump in their throat and nervously intertwined their hands, gently rubbing one thumb against the other. They struggled to divert their gaze from Luca, finding it challenging to do so. With a heavy heart, they uttered their words.

"I regret having ever crossed paths with him."

At that very moment, a refreshing gust of wind swept through the garden while Luca tightly grasped onto his neck, securing the warmth with a dark blue knitted scarf.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

With time passing, Shu and Ike realized that they needed to return home. Shu temporarily said goodbye to Luca, while Ike descended the stairs to leave the building.

After approximately four minutes, Shu eventually exited the room, unintentionally disregarding the initial plan of leaving. He bid farewell and quickly departed, fully aware that if he didn't increase his pace, he would need to invest additional time in catching up with Ike, who tended to wander aimlessly.

Y/N stood next to Luca's bed, casting a quick glance towards the open doorway that led to the hallway.

"Shu shares many similarities with you."

Luca objected, sitting straight in bed, stating that he is actually quite relaxed in contrast to himself. He laughed and tiredly massaged his face.

Luca's laughter caught Y/N's attention, leading them to glance back at him. Y/N was completely taken aback by this unexpected response, but they acted nonchalant and could only muster a simple acknowledgment of "I understand."

Luca looked at Y/N with a sense of awe, questioning why they were still standing. He enthusiastically encouraged them to sit down by gently tapping the vacant spot next to him.

"No, it's fine. I was actually contemplating leaving soon, too-"

"What? How come?" His voice displayed evident disappointment. "You've barely been here for about thirty minutes."

Y/N furrowed their brow. "It’ss been more than three hours."

"That's identical!" Luca approached Y/N, who was standing nearby, while remaining seated in bed. "I barely talked to you, so it shouldn't count!"

Y/N subtly moved backward, asking "What shouldn’t?"

"The three hours!" He expressed his growing frustration. "I struggle with accurately estimating time as well, in case you haven't noticed. Occasionally, three hours seems to stretch into seven hours. However, there are also instances when three hours feel as short as seven minutes. Although I may not be as mentally agile as before, the timeless adage 'Time flies when you're having fun' still holds true for me even now."

"So... Three hours is not a significant amount of time," Y/N whispered.

"That's right!" Luca's eyes once again sparkled with excitement.

Y/N refrained from making eye contact with Luca. "I understand, but I have to leave." They intentionally avoided glancing towards Luca. "If it were solely my decision, I would stay. But, there is something important I need to handle, but I promise to come see you tomorrow."

Luca remained silent, maintaining a tight-lipped expression as he reclined onto his bed. It was clear that he had numerous thoughts racing through his mind, yet he chose to suppress them and shifted his position, turning away from Y/N.

They were astonished. Y/N had no previous knowledge of Luca's ability to quickly become sulky. They glanced around with a frown, realizing it would be wiser to depart.

"I will...talk to you tomorrow."

"Would you like your scarf back?" The unexpected inquiry was posed by Luca, who clung firmly to the scarf, despite having posed the question himself.

Y/N observed him while pulling their jacket closed. "Yes... I do."

Luca woke up in despair and sat upright in his bed, gradually stretching his arm towards his neck in order to remove the cozy fabric wrapped around it. He proceeded with caution, as the mere idea of taking it off seemed to exacerbate his suffering more swiftly than the illness's progression.

"…But, you can hold onto it for now."

Luca was taken aback by the words, causing him to stop and gaze at Y/N. His hands reacted by becoming tense, then relaxed, and eventually settled on his neck. "Really?" he asked in surprise.

"Yes," Y/N responded with a barely noticeable smile. "Luca, please hold onto it."

They felt like they couldn't stay any longer in the room, so they turned their back and departed, convinced that another second would have made it impossible for them to leave.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N awoke abruptly that very evening, as their choked cries jolted them out of slumber. They jerked in alarm, swiftly sitting upright, clasping their hand tightly against their mouth to stifle the nearly hysterical noises emerging from within. Their breathing was labored, their pulse racing faster than normal; Y/N could sense their heart thumping in their throat, making swallowing arduous.

It was the fifth instance that month when Y/N had to forcibly wake up from yet another nightmare. The nightmares were so distressing that they caused intense nausea, compelling Y/N to sit up in bed and take deep, slow breaths to regain composure. It was their routine to cool down this way, as they raised their hands to rub their eyes before anxiously surveying their surroundings in the bedroom.

Taking a deep breath, Y/N shifted their gaze towards the desk located next to their bed, where their phone rested. With a brief moment of hesitation, they extended their hand and retrieved the device. As the screen illuminated, a text message from Luca awaited their attention.

‘Have a good night's sleep, Y/N.' The message was sent precisely two hours earlier.

Y/N tremblingly swiped their phone screen and unlocked it.

From: Y/N

[You there?]

Luca:

[Yeah! I thought you were asleep?]

Y/N:

[Nightmare.]

Luca:

[Nightmare? How bad?]

Y/N

[Enough to wake me up.]

Luca:

[Are you okay? We can talk longer if you need!!]

Y/N:

[No, it’s fine.]

They pressed send and waited for the small arcs to appear on the lower left side of the screen. Rather, they were greeted with secrecy. They didn't get a response, and neither did they see any indications of one.

Y/N frowned and left their phone screen to darken and discolour. They clutched it in their trembling hands and closed their eyes, hoping to fall asleep again. It was difficult, however, because every time they tried to sleep, the unsettling fear of having the same dream jolted them awake. Y/N sighed softly and covered their face.

The phone vibrated against Y/N's brow. They winced and drew their palm away from the phone to look at it.

Luca:

[Look out your window!]

"What?" Y/N swung their legs off the bed and walked over to the window. "This can't be true," they exclaimed as they opened the blinds and peered downwards.

Luca stood outside at night, wearing a dark blue knitted scarf around his neck, along with a jacket, sweatpants, and slippers. He glanced upwards, smiled, and enthusiastically waved towards Y/N.

Y/N's eyes grew larger with surprise. They quickly retreated from the windowsill and hurried downstairs to the front door. They swung it open and found Luca approaching with a cheerful expression and a trembling gait.

"Can I enter?"

"No! No, we are-"

"Why not?"

"We're immediately returning to the hospital. I'm taking you back," Y/N declared as they extended their arms and urged Luca to move away.

Luca adamantly refused, exclaiming, "Absolutely not!" He forcefully pushed Y/N backward as a way of emphasizing his point. He further explained, "I just left from there.”

Y/N acknowledged that their words sounded somewhat resentful, but they had no alternative except to reveal the truth to Luca by stating, "Your health is deteriorating, and you require proper medical care."

Luca pushed Y/N’s hands away and expressed his inability to sleep, questioning why it was such a significant matter.

"It's not just that!" They applied greater pressure to their arms, causing Luca to retreat. "You've already experienced two panic attacks this week, and your hallucinations are progressively worsening. Right now, my house is not a suitable place for you to be."

Luca responded naively, expressing that he experiences panic attacks in your absence and tries to reassure by mentioning that his hallucinations are not overly distressing.

Y/N's jaw tightened as they concealed their annoyance with a calm expression. "Quit pretending that this isn't a significant matter... You might not perceive it that way, but I..." They halted briefly and extended their arms for another push. "Let's just leave."

"I have no desire to," Luca tightly clasped Y/N's hands within his own.

"Luca, quit."

"I have no desire to return!"

"How were you able to leave without being noticed?"

"They ignore me, I can easily slip away without them noticing."

Y/N forcefully pulled back their hands and gazed at Luca. Despite feeling enraged, Y/N understood that Luca wouldn't leave unless they allowed him inside their house. Y/N swallowed nervously.

"Fine, then. Come in." Y/N moved to the side.

Luca's eyes sparkled with recognition as he eagerly entered Y/N's house. Taking off his slippers, he stood by the entrance, waiting for his companion to follow. Y/N entered and closed the door behind them both.

"You picked the ideal evening," Y/N expressed with bitterness while they struggled to ascend the staircase. "My parents are not present."

Luca exclaimed, "I wouldn't have been that loud," as he hurriedly followed them.

Y/N breathed out exasperatedly, expressing her commitment to return Luca to the hospital no later than seven o'clock in the morning.

"Okay! Just picture their expressions when they see me coming from outside. Imagine the astonishment on their faces when they realize I'm not even inside my room." Luca expressed immense joy.

Y/N went into their room and closed the door after Luca, stating their intention to immediately go to bed.

"But I thought you had that bad dream?” Luca positioned himself beside Y/N's bed.

"I did..." They stopped briefly. "...Is that the reason you’re here? The dream?"

“You said you were fine… it was obvious you weren’t.”

Y/N couldn't find the right words to express themselves. They met Luca's eyes and then immediately glanced downwards. Their shirt was gently pulled by a weak hand. "Okay," they said, extending their hand to switch on the lamp placed on their bedside table.

“What was it? I mean, the dream.”

Y/N settled on the bed and draped a sheet over their body. They handed the pale pink one to Luca, recalling his previous affection for it when he last visited. Luca took it and draped it around his own form. Afterwards, he gazed at Y/N, anticipating their reaponse.

They let out a sigh of distress. "I felt like I was suffocating." As they fiddled with the tiny lint balls clinging to their bedsheet, they continued, "It was a suffocating sensation, like being consumed by a thick, dark substance resembling tar. I struggled desperately to break free, but I felt completely powerless. I had become so feeble that breathing had become a challenging task. Only my face was visible above the suffocating substance." Y/N tilted their head back, using their finger to tap on their chin as they illustrated the situation.

“I faced difficulties and encountered a great struggle. However, eventually, I became immobilized. Despite my efforts to shout, I couldn't produce any sound, as there was no one around to hear me.” Y/N shrugged, indicating indifference. “The liquid started to enter my mouth and nose, and it was only when I started suffocating that I managed to wake myself up."

Y/N remained silent and wrapped themselves in the sheets encompassing them. They shifted their gaze towards the window, observing the moon cautiously.

Luca adjusted his position in the chair and moved closer to Y/N, holding onto the blanket that had been provided to him.

Y/N stayed in position, expecting Luca to honor his need for personal space by sitting a distance away. However, much to Y/N's surprise, Luca rested his head on Y/N's shoulder and put one arm around them.

Y/N felt uneasy as they wriggled uncomfortably. They questioned, "What is your intention?"

"To comfort you?" Luca responded, raising his head. "Isn’t that what humans do when another is sad?"

Y/N observed him closely. "Don’t speak as if you aren’t one yourself..."

Luca chuckled softly and rested his head on Y/N's shoulder. There was a brief silence between them, and the room became filled with the muffled noises from outside.

"Hey,"

"What?"

“Can we watch The Lake House?”

"No," responded Y/N, shaking their head.

Luca expressed his dissatisfaction by grumbling silently.

“Why not?”

"I’ve seen it like ten times."

"If you’ve already seen it ten times, why not watch it for the eleventh?"

“I would like to get some sleep since it's already three in the morning. If we watch the entire movie, it will be five o'clock. After that, I will have to accompany you to the hospital before the doctors realize you're not there and become extremely worried.”

Luca couldn't help but chuckle, causing a smile to curve his lips. He pondered, "Could it be that they’ve already discovered the truth?"

"If that were to happen, it would be a burden."

Luca chuckles, “They’d probably turn my room upside down trying to find me.”

“I wouldn’t want to be the one cleaning that.”

Luca turned his head to face Y/N and noted, "You’re so direct. Why?”

"I... I'm unsure," Y/N took a deep breath. "It's just my personality. Occasionally, I perceive myself as humorous, yet others never find my jokes amusing."

Luca emitted a snorting sound in response, questioning, "Have you ever attempted to tell a joke?"

Y/N appeared puzzled. “Yes… When I said I wouldn’t want to clean up that mess…”

Luca burst into laughter, tilting his head back. "Is that what you consider a joke?"

"You're making too much noise, please lower your volume," Y/N gently nudged their guest. However, this action only caused Luca to burst into even greater laughter. Y/N's expression turned irritated as they pressed their lips together, but their frustration quickly dissipated as they couldn't help but chuckle along with Luca.

Y/N attempted to conceal their smile as they remarked, "Well, you're currently finding amusement... Therefore, I suppose I possess a decent ability to evoke laughter."

Luca observed them briefly. "Yes, but unfortunately, it was for all the incorrect motives." His laughter diminished, just as Y/N's did. "You know... I don’t think I have ever seen you laughing or smiling, to be honest."

Y/N raised one shoulder, indifferently, before taking hold of their phone. "Now you have," they remarked.

Luca glanced at the mobile device's display. He inquired, "Whats that for?"

Y/N set their phone down and gradually leaned back, placing the back of their head against their pillow, while Luca accompanied them by keeping his arm around.

The situation is peculiar. They gazed at the ceiling and let out a breath. What is the reason for allowing him to behave this way?

Y/N's head tilted sideways, facing Luca.

"I hope you don't have any objections to me sleeping," they murmured quietly.

"No, you’re fine."

"I only hope it's not impolite-"

"It's not," Luca voluntarily tightened his grip around Y/N, pulling them closer to his side.

"Alright," they said while shutting their eyes. "Have a good night." Y/N brought their arms closer, enveloping themselves with the bed sheets.

Afterwards, there was a profound silence that engulfed them. Y/N had closed their eyes and attempted to plunge into a profound slumber, but discovered that doing so was not as swift as they had anticipated. They maintained a regulated and steady breathing pattern, giving the illusion of being fast asleep while actually veering between the realm of wakefulness and the realm of dreams.

Silence enveloped the room, and subsequently, a sound broke the stillness. It was a delicate, soft sound, reminiscent of someone cautiously adjusting their arm so as not to disturb another's slumber.

Y/N stayed in a fake sleeping pose, believing that it required more energy to open their eyes and look around than to remain inactive. Therefore, they persisted in striving for sleep, with no expectations regarding the surrounding noise.

They were extremely surprised when they experienced a gentle feeling on their forehead. When they sensed the unfamiliar touch, they had to use all their strength to avoid reacting with a startle.

They were fingers, tentative and uncertain, lightly skimming over Y/N's forehead to sweep aside a stray strand of hair.

With eyes shut, Y/N absorbed the sensation at hand. The reluctance emanated strongly in every gesture executed by Luca's hand.

Luca was filled with fear at the thought of waking up Y/N, to the extent that his hands would shake slightly every time he gently brushed away Y/N's hair from their face.

Y/N's heart rate started increasing gradually and slowly. Their hands twitched momentarily, prompting them to move closer and lean into Luca's touch. Unfortunately, this had an unintended consequence as Luca quickly pulled their hand away. Y/N then relaxed, maintaining the pretense of being asleep.

After noticing Y/N's movement, Luca remained completely still. He was determined not to disturb them and so they both remained silent for several minutes. Y/N assumed that Luca would remain quiet for the remainder of the night, so they redirected their attention to falling asleep. They maintained their position and began feeling themselves drift into slumber...

"I’m sorry." The utterance was barely audible, and it was spoken unexpectedly. It seemed as though Luca was speaking to himself.

Y/N remained motionless and quiet.

"... It was never my intention to involve you in my problems, my life..."

Luca took in as much air as possible. Y/N sensed their chest lifting. It was almost as if they could perceive the frown in his tone of speech.

"I’m aware that I can be difficult to handle. I know that I am a hopeless case. I understand that you are aware of this as well... Nevertheless, you continue to support me."

After a brief pause, he resumed speaking. His voice quivered softly.

"So... I-" Luca pauses, “thank you.”

Luca remained silent following that statement, gently placing his cheek on top of Y/N's head to avoid disturbing their sleep.

However, Y/N was unable to sleep. The words spoken by Luca continued to haunt them, replaying incessantly in their thoughts.

They took a swallow, trying to alleviate the lump that had formed in their throat.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Following that evening, circumstances continuously worsened.

Y/N quickly looked out of the window and immediately got dressed, grabbed their bag, and slung it over their shoulder. They hurried downstairs, put on their shoes, and swiftly left the house, following their usual route to the hospital. The sky above was filled with thick and rapidly gathering clouds, creating a gloomy atmosphere along Y/N's path. To protect themselves from the strong winds, they zipped up their jacket and continued moving forward. Y/N was aware that a storm was approaching and that Luca would require their presence.

Luca had not returned to Y/N's home for one month and sixteen days when he was taken back to the hospital. The medical staff, aware of his tendency to sneak out, kept a close watch on him. His condition had deteriorated unexpectedly. Previously, he would typically lose several pounds per week, but after sneaking out, his weight loss became alarming. Within a little over a month, Luca's weight dropped from 150 pounds to a mere 97 pounds, based on their last measurement. Apart from the distressing weight loss, his deteriorating condition made it increasingly challenging for him to walk, move, and communicate.

Y/N expressed a deep sense of concern upon entering the hospital. They moved quickly and continuously along the familiar route, until a familiar face caught their attention.

Y/N came to a halt in front of Luca's room and asked, “Shu?”

The man with vibrant, multi-colored hair lifted his gaze from his hands and forced a smile. "Hi there - Y/N, correct? It's been a while."

"Yes, I'm-," They shifted their gaze, "Is there somebody inside?" Without waiting for Shu's reply, he peered into Luca's room. As expected, he spotted Ike occupying the chair beside Luca's hospital bed. Ike had his back towards the door, while Luca appeared completely engrossed in their conversation.

"Would Ike be okay with me going in?"

Shu gently massaged his chin using his hand. "Negative." He reclined in his seat. "Please have a seat. It's been a long time since Ike and Luca had a conversation, so it might be best if you give them some space."

Taking a deep breath, Y/N remained where they were for a moment before settling themselves in the vacant chair beside Shu.

"You look anxious." Shu glanced at Y/N with a sideways glance.

"I am. A storm is approaching. Luca doesn't handle storms very well..."

"Ah..." Shu gazed upwards at the ceiling, as if hoping to catch a glimpse of the drifting clouds. "I hadn't realized." Gradually, he tilted his head downwards and crossed his arms. "I never would’ve guessed you knew that about him. He keeps it a secret."

Y/N redirected their gaze towards Shu. “Has he ever been okay with them?”

“I don't believe so. He would become anxious and suspicious whenever there was a storm, but that was the extent of it. At this point they probably give him panic attacks.”

Y/N glanced downwards. "Yes, he does. Storms set them off."

Shu emitted a grunting sound and had no further comments on the matter. Y/N believed it was best to remain silent as well. They intertwined their fingers and averted their gaze, waiting for the imminent sound of thunder. They would need to close Luca's blinds and distract him from it somehow, perhaps by showing him a movie or engaging him in a game that would swiftly alleviate his anxiety. Y/N briskly massaged the back of their neck and shut their eyes.

"Ninety-seven pounds, for fuck's sake."

Y/N's eyes opened in surprise as they looked towards Shu, who was staring angrily at something non-specific.

"Could you please repeat that?"

"Ninety-seven pounds, correct? That's how much we weighs now? Sorry, I usually don’t curse."

Y/N's spirits instantly plummeted as soon as they comprehended the subject of Shu's conversation. "Affirmative."

He cursed vehemently without holding back.

Y/N winced and averted their gaze. They had only interacted with Shu on one occasion, and their conversation was minimal. Feeling uncertain about how to handle the situation, they chose to stay quiet. Anxious about Shu's potential response, they nervously twisted their fingers and pressed their lips together.

"Everything about this is incredibly frustrating. Why on earth did he have to experience this? And at such a young age, too?" He muttered these words quietly, expressing his frustration towards the situation. "He's not even twenty five yet.."

Y/N bowed their head.

“It’s unfair.”

"Such is life," Shu concurred with the statement. "Yet... We find ourselves in these situations.”

Shu angrily massaged his elbow and let out a resigned sigh.

"I won’t be coming back to see him. I’ve changed my mind.I can’t see him like this anymore.." He shifted his gaze towards Y/N. "From now on, you will be his companion. I cannot comprehend the method, but being in your presence helps him to calm down."

Y/N avoided making eye contact. Concealing their true emotions, Shu’s words had impacted them far more profoundly than they could have anticipated. A profound feeling of discomfort settled in their stomach, intensifying and tormenting them, compelling them to feel nauseous. However, they managed to suppress their urge to vomit and maintained their calm demeanor, just as they had been practicing ever since their first encounter with Luca.

Y/N raised their hand to vigorously massage the back of their neck, causing uneasiness to concentrate on a particular spot, as a means to distract themselves from the agonizing pain that seemed as if it would engulf their emotions. With a slow blink, they shut their eyes while maintaining a calm and hushed breath.

Shu, who was deeply immersed in his own troubles, was oblivious to the sorrows of Y/N. Eventually, he compelled himself to rise and started rhythmically tapping his fingers against his trousers.

"Keep doing whatever the fuck you’re doing," he uttered in a hushed tone.

Y/N indicated agreement with a nod.

"Absolutely. I wouldn't be able to stop, even if I tried."

Shu couldn't help but let out a mocking laugh.

"Yes... Isn't that the terrifying part..." He touched his chin and walked down the corridor with determination. "Stay connected with me, Y/N."

"Yes, definitely." They echoed the identical statement, realizing the challenge of expressing their thoughts in words at that moment. They observed Shu moving farther away, gradually fading into a vague figure in their sight. Standing close to the staircase, he now appeared as a tall and slender purple figure. Though he was anticipating Ike's arrival, Y/N questioned why he didn't wait for him in the chair where he had been seated earlier.

At that moment, while Y/N nibbled their lower lip, they glanced over and noticed Ike tilting his head towards Luca. It wasn't exactly a formal bow, but rather a gesture of tenderness, as affectionate as Ike could manage, which wasn't very much.

He pressed his forehead against Luca's shoulder, causing him to burst into laughter. Luca softly replied to Ike, nodded, and smiled.

He constantly wore a smile on his face.

Upon witnessing this, Ike immediately stood up and lowered his head, positioning his hands by his side. He couldn't bear to spend even another moment in Luca's presence, so he swiftly departed the room. Maintaining a lowered head, Ike deliberately avoided any eye contact with Y/N, pretending not to notice their presence. Within a matter of seconds, Ike had already moved down the corridor and started descending the stairs, completely disregarding Shu along the way.

Shu displayed no signs of surprise whatsoever. He simply bid farewell to the staring Y/N and proceeded to accompany his little companion downstairs.

With some hesitation, Y/N mustered the energy to give a faint wave in response before they were beckoned by a voice coming from the room they knew all too well.

Their focus was directed towards Luca, who was enthusiastically sitting up in bed with a smile on his face.

Y/N had a nearly reciprocated smile, but it was hindered by the thunder that announced itself from the sky. Luca's smile vanished abruptly as his eyes widened, transitioning from partially closed to fully open. He clutched onto the light pink blanket that surrounded him, his hands tightening around it.

Y/N hastened forward, heading directly into the room. They moved the chair aside and located Luca lying on one side of the bed.

In an effort to soothe himself, Luca ran his delicate, trembling fingers through his blond hair, but the intensity of the next thunderous roar startled him, causing the bed to tremble as he flinched sharply.

"Fuck," he uttered in a terrified voice, which faltered.

Y/N reassured Luca, speaking in a soothing and unhurried manner, while clutching his hand tenderly. Despite the coldness and occasional tremors, they expressed confidence in his ability to overcome the situation, as he had done countless times before.

Luca struggled to articulate his thoughts as he gazed wide-eyed at the hospital room floor.

Luca's breathing became labored as he pleaded, "Please, Y/N, don't..."

“Hm?”

"Do’t leave..."

“I will never leave your side, Luca.” They drew nearer, grasping Luca's hand with their other hand. "Let's take deep breaths together."

Luca vigorously nodded and compelled himself to follow Y/N's wishes, as was his usual response. Y/N was the sole individual capable of helping him endure those distressing times, without a doubt.

Luca's desperate cries reverberated through the room while the window was bombarded by intense raindrops. Y/N was relieved to have arrived just in time, as it had been one of Luca's most severe episodes.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

"Hey, Y/N?"

"Hm?"

"When do you think it’ll snow?"

"Hm... Snowfall occurs unpredictably."

"Do you believe that it’s likely to snow in the near future? Or in January?"

"I hope so, Japan could use some snow every now and then."

"Yes... Yes. I want to step outside and stand in the snow when it does...”

Y/N positioned themselves in a seated position next to Luca's bed, with their legs crossed. When Luca spoke those words, they glanced up at him, hoping to make eye contact, but unfortunately, he had averted his gaze, leaving Y/N without any purple eyes to meet. Luca had turned his head away.

He gazed out at the white clouds covering the sky, captivated by the way it made everything appear devoid of color. These days, which Luca referred to as "Christmas Days," made him more interested in the outside world than in his restricted life at the hospital. Taking a deep breath, Luca's exhale filled the confined space, while his hands gripped the wrinkled bedsheets.

"Are you certain you’ll be able to manage yourself in this weather?"

"I believe so."

Y/N chose not to mention that Luca would likely lose the ability to walk before any snowfall, so they remained quiet. They gently rubbed their hands together and tilted their head to one side.

"I suppose it is possible... As long as your health has improved."

Luca sneered. The sound he made was barely audible.

"I am. Please stop bringing that up. That was in the past."

"I do understand, however, it was not good."

"It's been approved," Luca commented, tilting his head as the pillow folded beneath his neck. He gazed at Y/N with eyes weighed down by exhaustion. Despite his noticeably paler complexion and slight weight loss, he maintained a smile on his lips. "I'm all right at the moment."

Y/N couldn't resist returning his smile as they rested their chin on their hand and chuckled.

"Or at least as good as one can be."

Luca fixed his gaze on Y/N with intensity. His lips trembled as he struggled to articulate his thoughts.

"Be quiet," he said, causing a louder burst of laughter to escape his lips, shaking his body while he reclined in bed. "I appear... Terrible, I'm aware."

Y/N discovered themselves joining in his laughter, and their subtle giggles resonated louder than Luca's sincere laughter.

"You don't appear terrible. You look like Luca," They attempted to conceal their smirk by covering it with their hand, but it remained noticeable through the spaces between their fingers.

Luca extended his hand, attempting to casually brush away Y/N's hand. He struggled to accurately target it but persisted nonetheless.

"Please, don’t hide that."

"Hide what?"

"That smile."

"Why? It's not something special-"

"I hardly ever witness it." Luca's fingers brushed against Y/N's knuckles. This gesture prompted Y/N to withdraw their hand from covering their mouth gradually and place it on their chin instead. They gazed affectionately at Luca.

Luca focused his gaze straight ahead, fully captivated, as he tried to capture a mental image of something he knew he might never witness again. Numerous thoughts raced through his mind, yet only three words dominated his thoughts, the ones he believed would be most fitting to express to Y/N. Despite his intention to utter them, he found himself doing something entirely different. Without realizing it, his hand instinctively reached out and clasped onto Y/N's hand, causing both of them to abruptly react. The expression in Luca's eyes grew wider in surprise.

"I assumed you would... Keep it raised-"

Y/N stifled a laugh and acknowledged that the situation had taken them by surprise.

"I did not intend... to..."

"It's fine," they reassured as their thumb gently caressed Luca's knuckles. "I am now."

Luca gazed at Y/N once more, this time in silence and with a sense of captivation. He stared for a longer duration before diverting his gaze upwards, downwards, and finally averted his eyes elsewhere. Avoiding direct confrontation, he shifted his head towards the window, unable to confront Y/N.

Y/N stopped speaking, pressing their lips together meekly. Their gaze fixated on the disheveled blend of blonde and grey hair that covered Luca's head as they observed from behind. Moving downward, their E/C eyes scrutinized his fading complexion, noticing how his veins protruded noticeably beneath his skin whenever he made any movement. Y/N shifted their attention to Luca's arm, specifically the one connected to the hand they were currently holding.

They examined the tiny needle embedded in Luca’s forearm, observed the slender tube connected to it, and traced its path to the intravenous fluid bag suspended above their head.

Y/N's smile vanished completely.

Since Luca experienced his last panic attack, it has become increasingly challenging for them to manage their speech, physical gestures, and activities. Even something as effortless as swallowing has become problematic for Luca. Despite numerous unsuccessful endeavors to retain or ingest food, the nurses determined that the most suitable solution for providing nourishment to Luca was through a tube.

During the six-day period, Y/N observed that Luca could only consume tiny treats such as grapes, ice cubes, and chocolate-coated slim pretzels. Apart from these items, Luca struggled to tolerate any other type of food. Consequently, his only option remained to lie down and accept whatever nutrients were provided through the intravenous liquid.

As they glanced back at Luca, they felt a sense of relief knowing that he was still focused on the window. Y/N had been lost in thought for a while, and during that time, Luca had carefully covered himself with the pink blanket, stopping just below his chin. Only his arm was visible as it grasped onto Y/N's hand. Luca's breathing was calm, and his hand would occasionally tremble, prompting Y/N to gently squeeze it in return. This silent exchange between them served as their way of communicating.

Y/N conveyed to Luca that everything would be fine, providing comfort regardless of their circumstances.

Both of them found it more convenient to trust in that falsehood rather than to acknowledge the reality of what lay ahead.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Luca was the only one who noticed that it had started snowing for the first time that year on the extremely cold day of January 9th at 10:02 PM. However, he never took it upon himself to say anything.

Y/N didn't notice the heavy snowfall outside until they shifted their gaze from the laptop screen. The sight of the snow excited them, and they eagerly wanted to share it with Luca. However, when they turned to face Luca, they were met with a tired expression instead of the enthusiastic reaction they expected.

Y/N displayed a displeased expression on their face.

"Luca, do you see it?"

Luca shifted his gaze from the laptop screen to focus on Y/N.

"What is it...?"

"The snow? It's snowing outside."

Luca glanced out the window once again, only to see that snow was indeed coming down in large flakes. However, this sight did not captivate Luca's interest. To be honest, it had no impact on him whatsoever. He responded with a weak shrug and returned his attention to the movie he had already seen thirty times.

Y/N was truly puzzled.

"I believed that you were anticipating the arrival of snow. I believed that it was something you desired..."

Luca's eyelids began to close and then abruptly opened once more as he emitted a faint noise.

"I... see it everyday."

At that moment, Y/N suddenly understood and her lips separated to express it. Luca had been affected by his hallucinations to such an extent that he mistook the snow outside for another illusion. They inhaled deeply in surprise.

"Luca, it's not a hallucination. It’s real.”

Luca shifted his gaze towards the window once more, his eyes filled with a strong desire that Y/N found unbearable to witness. Exhausted, Luca made a small effort to raise himself slightly in order to gain a clearer view outside. A sense of curiosity had arisen within him, as he yearned to determine the authenticity of what he was seeing. It frustrated him how challenging it had become to distinguish between reality and illusion.

"I’ll show you," Y/N rose from their chair and approached the windowsill. At that spot, they slightly separated the glass. In a split second, a powerful, freezing gust of wind burst into the room, instantly extracting warmth from everything it came into contact with.

Luca felt a sensation of unease, causing his skin to tingle and tiny bumps to form on his smooth complexion. Putting in considerable effort, he covered himself with the pink blanket.

Y/N closed the window promptly and collected a sufficient amount of snow from its edge to display to Luca. They hurried towards him, holding the quickly melting snow in their palms. Luca extended his own hands eagerly, hoping to confirm its authenticity.

Y/N handed Luca a compacted ball of snow, urging him to observe. Luca was amazed, gazing at the small, melting mass in his hand. He gently touched it with his finger, causing it to disintegrate into tiny snowflakes. The warmth of his palm caused them to dissolve, leaving only a small puddle.

Luca let out a sudden sound of surprise. His eyes expanded to their fullest extent in astonishment.

Y/N lets a small smile adorn their face.

"T-take me.....outside..!"

Luca whispered, Y/N observed Luca's appearance carefully. He resembled that of a skeleton covered by a blanket. "You shiver even when the room temperature reaches seventy degrees, Luca. It’s nine degrees outside."

"Y/N, please." Y/N pursed their lips tightly and shook their head again. It was challenging for them to refuse Luca, but it was necessary.

"I am unable to..."

"Why?" asked Luca, feeling discouraged as his frown grew more pronounced.

"The adverse climate conditions can pose harm to you and it is essential for you to take necessary precautions for your safety."

Luca's expression shifted from disappointment to disbelief as he looked at Y/N, questioning their statement.

Y/N took a deep breath, yet they were unable to utter a single word. They observed Luca cautiously, uncertain of what his forthcoming words would be.

"I am currently o-on death row, where I a-am struggling to communicate, walk, e-e-at, and sleep. The least of your concerns should be my well-being and the p-possibility of me getting sick."

"Luca," they stuttered, their voice trembling with cold, "I know that I won't survive much longer. Despite that, please let me to experience this."

Y/N's gaze was locked with Luca's, and they discovered that they couldn't avert their eyes. Luca's eyes conveyed a message that surpassed his verbal expressions. They conveyed what his words failed to articulate.

Y/N glanced downwards and averted their gaze from Luca, before redirecting their attention towards the window.

“…The furthest we can go is the window.”

"I have no objections to that." And in an instant, Luca's smile returned.

Y/N let out a sigh, feeling exasperated by how quickly they had succumbed to Luca's pleading. However, upon reflecting on the situation, they realized that they couldn't be held accountable for their actions. They didn't want to be the person who turned someone away when they had almost nothing left.

Y/N couldn't resist finding Luca's smile charming, despite how unwell he appeared while wearing it.

"Let's go..." Y/N extended their hand to assist Luca in standing up. They encouraged him to keep the blanket around himself, but Luca insisted on leaving it behind. Holding onto the IV stand with one hand and Y/N’s hand with the other, Luca limped towards the window. Y/N noticed Luca’s freezing cold hands, intensifying their worry. However, despite their concern, Y/N persisted in guiding them towards the window at a deliberate and unhurried speed until they ultimately reached their destination.

Luca removed his hand from Y/N’s and placed it on the windowsill after they arrived. The harsh and cold air struck Luca forcefully when another blast of wind entered the hospital room. Despite this, Luca remained unfazed, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath, embracing the stinging sensation of the winter air entering his lungs. As he exhaled, a visible cloud of smoke escaped from his mouth. Luca tilted his head out of the window a little, leaving it in that position while snowflakes descended around him.

Y/N pulled Luca back inside, urging him not to engage in the action. They anticipated some form of protest from Luca but was met with silence instead. Surprisingly, Luca obediently complied and extended his entire arm outwards, observing as each individual snowflake gracefully passed around his limb, avoiding contact with him as if they had no desire to touch him. Occasionally, a few snowflakes would land on his arm, prompting Luca to swiftly retract his hand in an attempt to examine the intricate patterns on them. He would carefully examine the snowflakes for a considerable amount of time until they eventually melted, leaving nothing more than a droplet on his arm. Subsequently, he would proceed to repeat this exact process, paying little to no attention to the biting cold that enveloped him.

Y/N observed Luca with fascination as he displayed childlike behavior, completely engrossed in an activity and unwilling to stop, repeating it incessantly without needing anyone's instructions. Y/N furrowed their brows and shifted their gaze away from Luca, directing it towards the outside. The all too familiar feeling of dread began to well up inside Y/N, something they desperately wished to suppress. They placed their hand on the windowsill and gripped it tightly, causing their knuckles to turn pale.

Y/N often found themself in moments of silence with Luca, which happened more frequently than they desired. While Luca’s speaking abilities had declined, he still remained the more talkative one between them. Therefore, whenever Luca fell silent, Y/N felt an uncomfortable sense of unease settle within them. Y/N desperately wanted to escape this feeling and the silence, so they quickly searched their mind for any words that came to them. They yearned for something, anything, to say to Luca, just to free themself from the dreadful sensation that loomed over them.

"You know... I never asked," Y/N uttered, gazing into the horizon. "What is it about the snow that captivates you, Luca?"

They patiently awaited a response, yet none was granted to them. Feeling uneasy, they voiced their thoughts once more.

"I think it's a bit cliché considering your current situation," they remarked in an effort to lighten the atmosphere, trying to inject some humor into the conversation. However, their words failed to have any effect as Luca remained silent. Y/N felt a deep frown forming on their face as they turned their head to examine Luca’s expression, instantly regretting their decision.

Luca expressed his sorrow quietly, shedding large tears that flowed down his face abundantly. The hand that held him up against the windowsill quivered constantly, while his other hand shivered in the frigid darkness. A few snowflakes had landed on his outstretched arm, but they resisted melting. They chose to stay there, considering Luca as their companion until they eventually melted or dropped off.

Y/N gazed at Luca, attempting to utter words, yet discovering that they were incapable of articulating even a single simple word. Recognizing this limitation, Y/N chose to take initiative and offer solace, but even this was beyond their ability. Their limbs and eyes were paralyzed, and all they could do was observe the sorrowful spectacle unfolding before them.

Y/N restrained themself and refrained from speaking, keeping their thoughts to himself.

Take action... do something…

Y/N’s physical responsiveness was nonexistent.

They could only observe as the tears cascaded more rapidly, descending onto his hospital gown and the floor. The radiance from the external source gleamed on Luca’s teardrops, illuminating his face softly. Gradually, Luca retracted his hand and allowed it to rest by his side. He lowered his head and attempted to manage his weeping as best as he could, but this proved to be quite challenging as he began to sob uncontrollably, causing his entire body to tremble.

After taking a brief pause to compose himself, Luca managed to utter a pair of uncomplicated words, his lips trembling.

"Why... me..?"

Y/N gazed ahead while their thoughts sought for words. They discovered a few and uttered them spontaneously.

"Life is unfair."

Luca lifted his icy and weak hand to clean the disarray on his countenance. "I wanted to do.. so much..."

"I understand," Y/N clenched their hand into a fist, internally reprimanding themselves for their current lack of emotion in their tone.

Luca stepped away from the window, prompting Y/N to swiftly shut it, ensuring the chilling night breeze stayed outside throughout the rest of the night. Y/N then extended their hand and grasped Luca's arm, assisting him in returning to the bed.

Luca returned to his customary posture and enveloped himself with the cozy pink blanket after they had arrived. Then, he averted his gaze from Y/N and attentively observed the window, seemingly disregarding his guest—or at least that's what Y/N presumed. Shortly after Y/N had begun to feel restless, Luca broke the silence by speaking up.

"Y/N..?"

"Can I help you?" Luca had their complete focus.

After a brief pause, he eventually found the courage to express his thoughts. He said, "I would prefer if you no longer come to see me."

Y/N narrowed their eyes to understand his words, leaning forward in surprise. "What?"

"Please, don’t visit…. me.. any-more..."

"No," Y/N rose from their chair.

“I- please-”

"That’s not possible anymore, Luca," Y/N responded, feeling a sudden chill run down their spine, making the hair on the back of their neck stand up.

"Could you please, Y/N..."

"I'm sticking with my refusal." They marched to the opposite side of the bed, positioning themselves to have a clear view of Luca's face. Upon observing this, Luca shifted his gaze and moved away gradually. Y/N's eyes grew wider as their emotions became ensnared in a peculiar blend of apprehension and anger.

"Luca, can you explain the significance of this?"

Luca chose not to reply. He stayed in his current position and solely adjusted his hand to once more wipe his face.

"Respond to me."

Luca sucked on his teeth while pulling the blanket up to cover everything except his chin. After a while, he eventually responded.

"I don’t.. want you t-to become at-attached..b-because I don’t.. have much longer.. left..."

Y/N almost chuckled. "Why do you assume that I’m already attached to you? I never stated such a thing."

Luca shifted his focus onto Y/N in this instance. A grimace appeared on his flushed face.

"Please be quiet, Y/N..." He took a deep breath, feeling frustrated with both himself and the worsening of his speech difficulty, but he carried on. "I understand... You despise hospitals. So, don't... try to convince me now that you... have been visiting here daily just because... you wanted to."

Y/N found themselves devoid of any further words. With their mouth slightly agape, they fixated their gaze upon Luca, appearing as if they intended to utter something yet ultimately rendered silent.

"I am aware that... You have concern... Even if it's only a small amount." Luca placed his hand over his mouth and unexpectedly coughed. He realized that speaking required much more effort than he anticipated. Nevertheless, he proceeded to speak. "I am not... Familiar with this... Illness. Partly be-...cause I was too scared to acquire knowledge about it. But... I am aware that my remaining time is limited." His exasperation gradually diminished, and all that remained on his colorless face was an expression of surrender.

"I have about one, maybe two months if I'm extra lucky. That’s the amount of time I have."

Y/N felt a denseness in the atmosphere, making it suddenly challenging for them to inhale.

Luca glanced downward and tilted his lips sideways. "I overheard the doctors. They don’t know how to... um... cure me, hence..." Y/N, observing from beneath the covers, noticed Luca's shoulders moving up and down. "It's just... a gradual, crippling journey from now on. And I do not want you to witness... everything un...fold."

Luca remained motionless, his eyes staring blankly as his tears glistened in the subdued illumination of the room.

"I don’t want you to watch me die.”

Luca's eyes welled up with tiny droplets as they cascaded down his eerily calm expression. "So I surmised that if you were to leave now... You... Wouldn't have to... And it wouldn't cause as much pain..."

Once again, an overwhelming force immobilized Y/N, rendering them incapable of movement or speech. All they could do was observe in muted anguish as Luca finally acknowledged the tragic fate that had befallen his fleeting existence. Y/N came to the realization that the smiles they had witnessed before were merely illusions – forced grins that desperately attempted to deceive Luca into believing that everything would be alright. However, he couldn't maintain this facade indefinitely. Considering the state he was in, Luca had always battled to maintain a facade of positivity while internally crumbling apart.

Y/N is currently aware of this fact.

They tapped their fingers against their legs, trying to create movement. Their goal was to mentally prepare themselves to take some action and show Luca that they were there for him.

Do something... Like a member of the living dead, Y/N moved their leg forward as if it was an effort. Then, they repeated the same motion with the other leg until they reached the bedside. They disregarded their pessimistic thoughts and settled themselves on the bed, right beside Luca. Y/N didn't allow him any time to respond before drawing nearer, and once they were in close proximity, they gently rested their head on Luca's shoulder.

Y/N clasped their hands tightly in an attempt to prevent them from trembling uncontrollably.

"I will stay, Luca," their tone was soft, soothing. "And no matter what, I refuse to go.”

Luca remained quiet, refraining from uttering a single word, while he raised his hand to once again wipe his face. Occasionally, he could be heard sniffing and adjusting his position, but he never voiced any objections to Y/N's choice.

He was happy.

Y/N shifted their gaze a little, letting their cheek softly rest against Luca's shoulder. Inhaling deeply and closing their eyes, they momentarily furrowed their brows. Luca's hands trembled as they clenched their fists tightly, feeling the pressure of Y/N's nails against his knuckles.

Luca's scent was no longer reminiscent of a medical facility.

Luca’s scent had the reminiscence of... Home.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N's eyes showed the reflection of the rolling movie credits on their laptop screen.

While sitting leisurely, they extended their hand and stopped the movie that had been playing.

"How was it watching the movie for the millionth time?" Their tone carried a subtle touch of sarcasm.

Luca, who appeared unusually pale, smiled while lying beside Y/N.

"...Alright..." Luca leaned back and rested his head on his pillow. He glanced towards Y/N and took a moment to direct his attention towards them.

Y/N brought their laptop nearer and glided their finger across the touchpad. Their gaze shifted towards the bottom right corner of the monitor, where the date read January 19th, 6:40pm.

Y/N's expression turned serious as they shut the laptop. Shifting in their chair, they positioned themselves upright at the top of the bed and directed their gaze towards Luca.

Y/N caught his exhausted gaze, and he had a wide smile on his face.

Y/N attempted to put on a smile, tilting their head slightly.

"Why are you smiling?" They extended their hand and gently brushed Luca's forehead. He felt cool to the touch, even colder than usual. Y/N quickly pulled back their hand, making sure to do it discreetly.

Luca took a brief pause before answering, but eventually, he found the ability to express himself.

"... Th-thank you..."

"Don't worry about it." Y/N's lips formed a shy smile. "I know of your affection for that film." As they uttered these words, they shifted their gaze towards Luca and quickly averted it. Intuition suggested that the words had a deeper meaning, but Y/N dismissed this notion.

They contorted their body in order to grasp the box of Pretzels resting on the counter. Subsequently, they proceeded to unlock it and extract a singular piece.

"Would you like to have one?"

Luca gave a nod and extended a trembling arm. Y/N placed the snack in their fingers, and Luca pulled back his hand to cradle it against his body. With some effort, he brought it close to his nose, inhaling the savory aroma, before lowering his arm. He lightly touched and rotated the snack unsteadily in his fingers, closely examining it, but he refrained from consuming it.

Y/N returned the box to the counter and let out a gentle sigh.

"It appears that you have developed a stronger bond with that pretzel stick than with me..."

Luca raised his head in astonishment and then lowered his gaze to the snack he was holding. Y/N's words took a while to register with him, but when they eventually did, his expression brightened, and he burst into laughter.

Y/N had never heard a sound as weak as this before.

Y/N chuckled alongside Luca, crossing their arms as they expressed, "At last, I have managed to say something humorous. I previously mentioned that I do have occasional moments of wit."

Luca's laughter subsided, and he shut his eyes.

Luca broke the silence after a few minutes of being wordless in each other's presence; his voice was barely audible, resembling a faint murmur.

"Y/N?"

Y/N glanced in his direction.

"Hm?"

Luca nervously swallowed and played with the Pretzel he was holding.

"Ask…me why i-i like… The Lake House."

Confused, Y/N focused completely on Luca.

"Alright then... Luca, what is it about The Lake House that appeals to you so much?" The H/C-ette observed Luca attentively, eager to hear his response.

Luca eagerly gazed up at Y/N, responding willingly as if he hadn’t forced them to ask this question.

"Do you... remember in the film when... Morgan passes away...?" His fatigued violet eyes remained fixed on Y/N expectantly, anticipating their affirmation. When they did, Luca proceeded. "Uh... I... appreciate the part where... they reunite... in a different life."

Luca's voice lacked strength, sounding feeble and weak. However, when he discussed his favorite scene, Y/N could perceive a newfound intensity emanating from him, something that had not been present previously.

One filled with optimism.

"It gives me the… sensation… of h-having a second chance at life… a life b-etter than the current one. A life in which I can wake up next to you and spend time with you," he said with a faint smile on his thin, pale lips. "A life where we can lead….normal lives, rather… than the one we are currently living.”

Y/N was left speechless, unable to find any words in that moment. Looking at Luca, they could only express agreement through a nod, even though they weren't entirely sure what they were agreeing with. The impact of Luca's words felt so strong that Y/N felt like all the air had been forcefully drained from their body.

Y/N never expected that Luca would like that specific aspect of the movie.

Y/N forced a sad smile as they roughly rubbed their palm with their thumb.

"I would like that a lot," they softly expressed towards Luca.

"I feel the same way..." Luca's gaze remained fixed on Y/N as he observed their every action with great focus, eventually catching Y/N's attention due to his unwavering scrutiny.

"Why do you look at me like that?" Their (E/C) eyes connected with violet ones.

Despite being asked clearly, Luca remained silent and motionless, choosing instead to gaze in the direction of Y/N with eyes full of hope.

Y/N's spine experienced a sudden shudder, which made goose bumps appear on their skin, after what seemed like the longest ten seconds of their existence. They took a deep breath and posed the same question once more.

"Why do you look at me like that, Luca?" They struggled to control the quivering in their voice.

At that moment, Luca's eyes flickered with understanding, and gradually and confidently, he began to speak.

His response came in a tone of astonishment, as he said, "Because... I don’t want you to leave. Sometimes, when I close my eyes... you vanish." Luca proceeded to rub his eyes, first one then the other, before lowering his hand to his side.

Y/N attempted to conceal their displeased expression. Their gaze shifted towards Luca's hands, which appeared slender and skeletal, revealing visible blue veins tracing delicate patterns across the bones just beneath the skin.

They extended their hand and grasped Luca's hand within their own.

Luca instinctively responded to the comforting sensation by gently enclosing Y/N's hand with his own. He glanced at their intertwined fingers and let out a soft breath through his nostrils.

Y/N made eye contact with him and then shifted their gaze downward.

"I’m still here."

Luca weakly nodded while resting his head on the pillow.

"I’m… here t-too.." His voice had become even more feeble compared to earlier, if that's even possible.

Y/N gave a nod, accompanied by him.

"Yes. You are also still here..."

Luca radiated with whatever little energy he had remaining.

Y/N longed for the ability to do the same.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

New iMessage!

From: Shu

[You up?]

Y/N:

[Yes.]

Shu:

[Is he doing okay?]

Y/N:

[Could be a lot better.]

After sending the message, Y/N glanced up from their phone and observed that Luca was once again fixated on them with keen attention.

His gaze begger the question, "Who was that?"

Y/N shrugged as they casually put their phone into their pocket.

They uttered the name "Shu" nonchalantly, aiming to lessen the impact, but Y/N realized that regardless of their attempt, Luca would wear a displeased expression upon hearing the name.

And he did.

Luca glanced at Y/N's hand and his eyes revealed his profound longing for his friend. Y/N, burdened by a sense of guilt, swiftly retrieved their phone that had been concealed moments ago.

"Do you want him to send a photo?"

Luca glanced upwards before pausing briefly to reflect, and eventually gave a confirming gesture.

Building on this idea, Y/N sent a message requesting Shu to share a picture of himself for Luca. It took a considerable amount of time for Y/N to receive a response from Shu, but upon checking the message, Y/N discovered that Shu had sent a video instead of the requested image.

Y/N shifted in their seat to draw near Luca, angling their body towards them. Resting one arm on the bed, they adjusted their phone's position for optimal viewing by both of them. Luca fixated his gaze upon the screen, genuinely curious about the forthcoming content. Y/N hit the play button, initiating the playback of a video featuring Shu.

He was at his home, lying in bed, wearing a comfortably fitting shirt, and his hair was completely disheveled.

"Hey, guys! Ahhhh I'm aware that you didn't ask me to send a video, however, I'm not the type to adhere to rules." He imitated a nonchalant expression playfully, but his act was interrupted by another person speaking out.

A soft sound could be detected from the video's backdrop.

"What? Did you just...Speak without addressing anyone?"

"No way, absolutely not, I’m recording a video."

Shu moved the phone to his side, and an indistinct Ike appeared on the screen. Ike was sitting with his legs crossed, wearing an oversized shirt and a hat that seemed to have been put on his head against his will. At some point, he raised his hand and forcefully threw the beanie from his head, letting it fall on the ground without purpose.

"Say hello, Ike."

Ike expressed surprise and confusion, saying that he didn't hear what was said. He then noticed a camera facing him and promptly stood up from the bed and left, asking not to be recorded.

Shu requested them to at least greet with a simple "hello."

"Hello," a voice from an unseen source was heard.

"And that's just how Ike is," Shu complained while adjusting his position in bed, followed by a smile. "But setting him aside... I trust everything is going smoothly. Uh..." He scratched his cheek right below the eye. "I miss you. Particularly, Luca, I miss you. Um... Stay strong, okay? Y/N, please don't make things difficult for him, or we might have a disagreement."

Luca's face lit up with a broad smile upon hearing those words. If he had been able to, he would have burst into laughter.

Y/N's lips also curved into a smile, but it disappeared swiftly.

"Well, I suppose that concludes the video... I would have liked for Ike to bid farewell as well, but-" He glanced around, "He left... the room...? Yes, he has left the room. Therefore, I will take it upon myself to say goodbye on his behalf! Goodbye, Luca. Remain composed. And always remember, you are pogging in real life." He raised his hand in a gesture of peace, and the video concluded with his presence on the screen.

Y/N let out a breath of frustration. They believed the video had ended too abruptly, but in reality, it had only spanned slightly less than thirty seconds.

Luca agreed by nodding and shifted his gaze back towards Y/N.

"Did you all have a close friendship?"

Luca acknowledged again with a single nod. In an effortful manner, he attempted to lift his hand and gradually rotated his index finger in circular motion next to his temple.

Y/N let out a quiet laugh and reclined in their chair.

"Is he out of his mind?"

Luca's lips curved into a wider smile, indicating his affirmative response to Y/N's inquiry.

Y/N started to recognize in moments like these the true innocence of Luca's soul. It was childlike innocence. Occasionally, it would dawn upon Y/N that Luca was merely twenty-four years old, and this realization would burden them even more than usual. The thought of Luca barely having the opportunity to enjoy the pleasures of young adulthood before being afflicted by a debilitating disease was painful. It was a source of frustration, anger, and deep sorrow, but Y/N had to conceal these emotions, especially when in Luca's presence.

Rather than wearing a displeased face, Y/N chose to maintain a neutral expression, as they always did. This was the most effective method they had to conceal their anguish.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Luca and Y/N hadn't accomplished much during the many hours that had elapsed since receiving the message from Shu.

Luca's ability to engage in conversation was compromised due to his lack of a voice, despite his determined efforts. Additionally, even if he had the ability to speak, the extent of his physical condition would have limited his ability to communicate for an extended period of time. His movements were erratic and sluggish, and the feeble sounds he produced were often barely audible. Occasionally, Luca would remain motionless in bed, only to be abruptly jolted awake whenever his body yearned for the sleep it once easily embraced. During these instances, he would briefly exhibit an expression of frustration before succumbing to exhaustion, rendering him unable to maintain it any further.

Y/N would typically avert their gaze when Luca exhibited such behavior to avoid witnessing the distressing situation. However, there were occasional instances where they were compelled to observe Luca's deterioration due to his illness, which they strongly despised.

Whenever Y/N observed this, their brain would automatically replay a specific phrase, regardless of their willingness to listen to it.

This is what death looks like.

Y/N swiftly glanced downwards and focused on their hands. They stared at them with a fierce intensity, mirroring their calm demeanor which only added to the discomfort. Y/N desperately wished to erase the thought from their mind and distance themselves from it. They forcefully banished those words and substituted them with reassuring ones, affirming that he will not perish but instead recover.

However, as they pondered over it and examined the precise interpretations of both expressions, they ultimately found it impossible to determine which of the two was more terrifying.

Y/N shut their eyes and let out a deep breath, growing increasingly despondent as time went on. They were worried that they couldn't escape this condition on their own, but then they realized they had someone by their side.

They sensed a delicate touch on their arm, prompting them to turn their head and encounter a gaze filled with both concern and weariness. Y/N straightened up and regained their composure.

"I'm okay," they softly remarked, reclining in their chair. "How do you feel, Luca?"

Luca's eyelids fluttered at a leisurely pace, indicating his state of being acceptiveness. Although not fantastic, he was content.

Y/N pressed their lips together and gave a single nod. They discovered themselves incapable of uttering further words, assuming that Luca would also remain silent, but they were mistaken.

Once more, they experienced the gentle touch on their arm. Taken aback, Y/N redirected their focus towards Luca.

"Hm? What do you need?" The chair was rotated to directly face Luca as they asked.

Luca furrowed his brow as he gazed up at Y/N, attempting to articulate his thoughts, but ultimately unable to do so. He scanned his surroundings and made gestures with his fingers, hoping to find a phone. Y/N quickly grasped the situation and retrieved their phone, offering it to Luca. With the notes app open, they positioned the device in front of him. However, as Luca struggled to make out the words, they inaccurately pressed on the screen. It took him a while to finally express his desired message, but after a few minutes, Y/N withdrew their hand.

Y/N glanced at their mobile device in order to peruse the sentence that was displayed on the screen.

"If I had been aware that the words I said a week ago would be my final ones, I would have chosen differently."

Y/N fixed a penetrating gaze on the screen, before diverting their attention and turning their eyes back to Luca.

"Are you not happy with them?"

Luca gradually nodded.

Y/N paused, feeling uncertain, before asking the question they were hesitant to raise: "If you were given another opportunity, what would you decide to say?"

As soon as Y/N uttered those words, the clouds in the sky separated, granting entry to the warm orange light of the setting sun, which filled the room. Both Luca and Y/N were bathed in its radiance, causing them to narrow their eyes simultaneously. Nevertheless, even with their eyes squinted, Y/N could still perceive the faint traces of unease on Luca's face.

They were currently experiencing a higher level of curiosity than they had ever experienced previously.

"Um... Luca, you don’t have to say it right now if you prefer not to."

Shaking his head, Luca expressed his disagreement.

"So..thats a no?

Once again, he vigorously shook his head.

"Ah, so you do want to."

Luca made a feeble sound from his throat with his mouth shut this time, and he gave a nod.

"Okay," Y/N adjusted their position in the chair, appearing hesitant now. They quickly looked to the side. "How many words?"

Luca, as always, displayed his characteristic slow response time before eventually raising his hand. Perched on his hand, three fingers extended outward.

Y/N experienced a sinking feeling in their heart, causing their stomach to drop. They felt another tremor approaching that could potentially unsettle them, but they managed to remain motionless, despite the difficulty it entailed.

"Only three words? Is that all?" Y/N managed to smile, though it felt obligatory. "Well, that's quite intriguing..."

Please don’t say what I think it is…

They extended their arm and positioned their phone in front of Luca so that he could input the text.

I don’t want to hear it... I have no interest in listening to them. I have no desire to peruse them. I have no intention of acquainting myself with them.

Luca spent what seemed like an endless amount of time typing the words on Y/N's phone. His hand trembled so much that it was difficult to determine which keys he was pressing. Y/N held their breath anxiously until Luca eventually withdrew his hand. He then allowed it to rest on his stomach. His eyes, which were a vibrant shade of purple, scanned the room in search of Y/N. When he finally spotted them, his sparkling eyes brightened slightly more than usual. This sparkle was accompanied by a small and insignificant smile on his face.

Before Y/N closed their eyes, they ensured to capture a mental image of the moment. With their phone tightly held in their hand, they inhaled deeply, taking in as much air as possible before exhaling through their nose. Adjusting their phone to face them, they opened their eyes and encountered the three words that would forever torment them.

At least that's what they believed.

Y/N's eyes expanded a little, and their brow furrowed in astonishment. The content displayed on the screen turned out to be unexpected; it was not what they had anticipated, but instead... a straightforward expression of praise.

"You’re so beautiful"

Y/N froze in their place, repeatedly reading the words until they eventually lifted their gaze. Their heart pounded forcefully in their chest, as though desiring to escape. They focused their attention on Luca.

"Do you... really think that?" They uttered this question with an incredulous tone.

With a feeble nod, Luca's lips slightly curved upwards. Alongside this, he lifted a trembling hand along with his index finger, indicating that he had something else to convey to Y/N.

Y/N quickly guessed and whispered, "Is it one?"

Luca raised his finger in the air before directing it towards himself. Without allowing Y/N to guess, he swiftly shifted his finger towards his eye and ultimately towards Y/N.

Y/N slowly separated their lips, struggling to find their voice. Once they managed to speak, they made an effort to prevent it from trembling.

"Ever since our encounter... On the very day when you laid eyes on me..."

Upon hearing this, Luca's arm dropped and gently settled on his abdomen. He responded by nodding once more, closing his eyes, and slightly angling his head in another direction.

Y/N observed with curiosity as Luca's lips trembled and formed a broad smile, and as the light illuminated his face, Y/N discovered the true extent of Luca's embarrassment. His face took on a subtle shade of red, and he attempted to conceal it from Y/N. It appeared that uttering his internalized thoughts aloud had unsettled Luca more than he had anticipated.

Witnessing this unfolding spectacle, Y/N's cognitive abilities became severely impaired. Their heart raced uncontrollably, making it arduous to swallow, while one of their legs incessantly trembled. They were completely clueless about how to respond or act, desperately searching for the appropriate words or actions. In an unforeseen turn of events, Y/N found themself engaged in a surprising behavior.

A spontaneous giggle erupted from the depths of their chest, resonating through the room upon impact with the surrounding air. They chuckled deeply, exerting as much effort as possible. Their voice carried a delicate and soothing tone, easing Luca's senses. It prompted him to open his eyes and fixate his gaze in the direction of Y/N, utterly amazed. His vibrant violet eyes absorbed every detail of Y/N's joyful countenance. The way their lips curved at the edges, and how their eyes slightly narrowed, revealing only a glimpse of their enchanting eye color. Luca absorbed every aspect, and before he knew it, he too succumbed to laughter.

It was a subdued chuckle, barely audible due to its lack of strength and fragility in nature; nevertheless, Y/N could hear it, which satisfied Luca. Despite his cheeks still displaying a reddish hue, he had grown indifferent to it. Content with his current state, he took solace in the fact that he had confessed his feelings. Luca felt gratified knowing that Y/N sought companionship in his presence.

Y/N managed to speak, pausing briefly amidst their laughter.

"You’re... Absurd," they uttered playfully, their hands quivering as they held their mobile device.

Luca's expression conveyed a clear message: "Yes, indeed, I am."

Y/N's laughter gradually transitioned into a chuckle, and while remaining seated, they gazed at Luca with calm eyes. Y/N's face displayed a sincere emotion, and they raised a hand to run their fingers through their H/C hair.

Luca was thanked by them with a gentle whisper, their voice trembling in their throat, as they extended their hand and made contact with Luca's.

Luca instinctively tightened his grip as he always did. He gazed up at Y/N, his smile eternally radiant. His eyes conveyed a message,

"No, thank you."

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

February 2nd.

What time is it? No idea.

Y/Nmoved slightly in the hospital bed and uttered a feeble sound of discomfort. They didn't bother to inspect. They held no concern.

The sky had already turned dark. They deduced that it was likely later than five in the afternoon. Consequently, they lost interest. It no longer mattered to them whether it was seven in the evening, or eight in the evening, or twelve midnight, or even if time came to a complete halt.

They were solely concerned about the presence of Luca, who remained by their side, inhaling and living.

The only thing that mattered to them was the presence of Luca Kaneshiro remaining.

Y/N tilted their head and gently pressed their forehead against Luca’s neck.

Luca was slow in responding to this, but he still acted by turning towards Y/N and gently touching his chin to the top of their head. The soothing sensation of Y/N’s hair brushing against his chin brought Luca comfort and made him feel calm.

Y/N found pleasure in this occurrence as it alleviated the intensity of Luca’s muscle contractions, enabling him to relax more than his usual capacity. Y/N was unaware of the reasons behind their influence on Bokuto, yet it held paramount significance to them.

Y/N was relieved to find out that despite the extremely cold weather, the hospital room was adequately heated, preventing Luca from getting too cold. Nevertheless, Luca continued to experience episodes of shaking, occurring in brief, intermittent episodes lasting only a few seconds before his body became too feeble to sustain them.

Y/N always ensured that they embraced Luca tightly whenever this occurred, to assure him of their presence and that they were not a figment of his imagination. Additionally, Y/N whispered gentle words to him occasionally, maintaining a quiet dialogue, albeit mostly one-sided. Often, Y/N would pose simple questions that Luca could respond to with a nod or shake of his head. However, there were instances when Luca chose not to answer specific questions, despite Y/N asking them twice.

Y/N noticed that the less they inquired, the more he found himself expressing his thoughts.

Y/N rested their head on the curve of Luca’s neck, feeling tired and gazing into the distance. They concentrated on empty thoughts, similar to what Ike used to do. Y/N held onto one of Luca’s slender arms, occasionally soothing him by rubbing their thumb up and down. They both shared a light pink knitted blanket, snuggled up together to keep warm in the most effective way they could. As Y/N lay there in silence, attentively listening to Luca’s labored breaths, they prepared to speak by parting their lips.

"Luca?"

They spoke at a volume that was audible to Luca. Sensing Luca’s reaction against their head, they proceeded to speak. Inhaling deeply, they cleared their eyes of the irritating sensation.

"I need you to understand that... I am happy that I met you."

Luca remained relatively still as he merely took occasional breaths.

"I am extremely happy to have met you. Moreover, I am delighted to have become friends with you."

Y/N took a momentary pause, remaining silent for some time. However, afterwards, they resumed speaking.

"So... I would like thank you for talking with me in the hallway that day... and for checking if I was okay. Because at that time, I wasn't feeling well. But... I am feeling better now."

Resting their head on Luca’s chest, Y/N pressed against his delicate physique. Y/N paid attention to the accelerated pace of Luca’s heart that continued to throb, revealing his reaction to Y/N’s words.

Y/N shut their eyes in opposition to him. They discovered that they had no further words to express. Instead, they relied on their actions to communicate their feelings. Y/N drew themself nearer to Luca and pressed their face against the comforting heat of Luca’s neck. The sensation of Luca’s chin grazing the top of their head, as it always did, never failed to console Y/N. They inhaled the familiar aroma that they had become so fond of and softly exhaled against Luca’s noticeable collar bone.

Y/N sensed a feeble, sick arm raise and settle on their shoulder. In response, they moved closer and let their body unwind. Their breathing became steady, and before long, they found themself gradually succumbing to the comforting embrace of slumber, unable to fight it.

Y/N, feeling disoriented, uttered their final words as they drifted into a profound slumber: "Luca, have a good night."

That night, they didn't have any specific dreams. They didn't experience any frightening dreams or even something that could be considered as a dream. There was a complete absence of any sort of imagery, only darkness.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N opened their eyes to the sensation of sunlight touching their face. The warmth of the sun was comforting, but as they shifted in bed, they couldn't shake the feeling that something was not quite right.

They maintained a cautious gaze with partially closed eyes and restrained their actions, desperately holding onto the unfounded belief that Luca remained still to avoid disturbing him. However, Y/N was well aware that this assumption was not true; they simply refused to acknowledge it.

Y/N reached out their shaking arm and grasped Luca’s hand, closing their eyes and tightly squeezing their palm. The hand felt icy cold, causing Y/N’s own hand to tremble even more, as if the slightest movement would awaken Luca. Y/N buried their face in the curve of Luca’s neck, pressing the bridge of their nose against the cool skin. They brushed their lips against Luca’s collarbone, desperately searching for that familiar warmth. Both of Y/N’s hands tightly held onto Luca’s hand, trembling incessantly. They couldn't sense Luca’s pulse.

Y/N felt overwhelming devastation at that moment. It was an indescribable sensation that they couldn't put into words even if they tried for a million years. It pressed on them, with the potential to completely destroy them internally. The agony etched itself into their very being, making it difficult for them to express themself and leaving them unable to comprehend language.

Y/N’s throat emitted a pitiful sob.

They made a desperate attempt to control their emotions, striving to maintain composure, but they acknowledged their lack of strength to deceive others. Upon the release of their second sob, they sensed their emotions spiraling out of control. Concealing their distress was futile; they were completely overwhelmed.

With every cry that was forced out of them, their body convulsed, hunching over to draw themself nearer. They pressed their face against the lifeless neck of the body, right below the jaw, inhaling what little remained of Luca.

They had numerous plans and thoughts to share with him, but once the moment arrived, they all disappeared. Y/N desired to shout, yet they couldn't find their voice. Not even a single sentence could escape their anguish.

They positioned themself next to Luca, grasping onto him with the remaining ounce of their energy. Instead of seeking help from the hospital staff - the nurses, doctors, or anyone else - they made the conscious decision to stay down. They were fully aware that if they discovered the truth, they would separate Luca from them.

They decided to remain where they were, clutching onto Luca, cherishing his presence for the final time before losing sight of him forever.

“I love you, Luca.”

[your-name-is-jim]

What a Kirk/Spock shipper sees in a Kirk/Female-Love-Interest story [PART 1/2]

[Part 2]

This is a pretty long post in two parts, so I hope you'll find it interesting. Don't worry, I shared a lot of pictures too! :)

First of all, what is it about?

An analysis about a 32-pages comic published in 2020 by IDW Publishing. More specifically, I'm talking about the Valentine's Day special from the comics series Star Trek: Year Five that I recommended here. The title of this story is Captains of Sea and War, and this is the official summary:

"James T. Kirk has had many loves during his mission among the stars, but this time he may have met his match in fellow Starfleet Captain Laura Rhone."

As I said in my review of Star Trek: Year Five, this Valentine's Day special is not linked to anything else in the main comics series. That means it can be read alone or, on the contrary, it can be skipped if you're only interested in the series (where Kirk doesn't have love interests, by the way).

Do I recommend this comic issue?

It depends on your preference! Just like the rest of Star Trek: Year Five series, the art is great and so is the characterization, at least most of the times. Jim is written as a romantic book lover and definitely not as a womanizer. However, if you only ship Kirk/Spock or you're not into Kirk romance with women in general, I believe you should avoid wasting your time and money. Just read my analysis if you're curious! :)

Why am I talking about this? And why as a Kirk/Spock shipper?

Good question. The short answer is that I read this comic and I have a lot of thoughts about it.

The long answer is that I love TOS Kirk and I'm interested in him as a character, romantic scenarios included. Since Kirk/Spock is my OTP, I can't suddenly take my slash goggles off, so I already knew before reading this comic that I'm not exactly the target audience and nothing is ever going to convince me that Spock isn't The One for Kirk. However, it was an interesting reading in multiple ways, so I'd like to say why!

I want to be 100% clear about my Kirk/Spock preference because even if I will try to talk objectively about the comic to a certain degree, this analysis is biased; if you don't like Kirk/Spock, this is NOT the post for you. That said, you may not see the point in a K/S shipper writing an analysis about a romance between Kirk and a female character, but… well, unless someday they'll release official Kirk/Spock comics, this is all we have.

There are two reasons why I read this story despite being pretty much a monoshipper when it comes to Kirk:

I had already read the main comics series and I liked it a lot, so I wanted to give this special a try.

I thought it was probably going to be okay, because in my headcanon Kirk and Spock don't actually get together until The Motion Picture. Kirk has a lot of love interests before that movie, so adding another one doesn't really bother me. It turned out (as I'll mention later) that I wasn't completely right about the era, but I take Star Trek comics as "extras", so I just ignore what I don't like.

Note: this analysis contains SPOILERS from the entire Valentine's Day special.

However, it does not contain spoilers from the main Star Trek: Year Five comics series. So, if you're planning to read that one, you're safe here! Just avoid this post if you don't want spoilers about the Valentine's Day issue.

Okay, are you ready? Let's go!

So, Jim is on shore leave with Bones. As you can see, the moment a pretty woman gets close to them, Bones leaves, because he's a great friend :)

We already know from the summary that the woman who talks to Jim is Captain Laura Rhone. Now, I'm already going to stop here to take a moment to at least appreciate the creators' effort: as someone interested in fictional writing, I must admit that creating a Valentine's Day special in 2020 about James T. Kirk finding love is an extremely hard task, to put it mildly. Seriously, if it can't be Spock (or the Enterprise :P), how the hell do you even do it? Are you going to give Jim another woman-of-the-week who's going to die? Another blond white woman? Another woman who forces him to choose between her and his ship? Or, on the contrary, a woman who'll choose for him and break up because she knows he wants the Enterprise?

NO.

Star Trek TOS was made in the 1960s, but we're in the 2020s now. Fans are tired to see always the same tropes with female love interests, and some of those tropes are just very outdated. So what does this comic do? Well, first of all, fixing what didn't work in Turnabout Intruder. Oh, let me get this straight: overall, I like Turnabout Intruder. I love the canon bodyswap, and I lost count of how many times I quoted "You are closer to the Captain than anyone in the universe" in my Kirk/Spock fan-fictions. However, there's no way that in the 2020s we're going to believe that a positive future means this:

In the Valentine's Day comic, Janice Lester still exists (she's mentioned once in a dialogue), but since Laura Rhone is a very good Starfleet captain around the same time, I believe we're now supposed to think that Janice was one crazy person who was never going to become a captain because of her personality and behavior, not because she's a woman. This is actually how I've always liked to mentally re-write this part of Turnabout Intruder in my head, because that's how I want to imagine it.

Anyway, back to the comic. Captain Laura Rhone is on shore leave too; she recognizes Captain James T. Kirk and she decides to introduce herself to him. She's very straightforward about her interest in him, so we immediately see that part of her personality.

Of course, the two captains can't enjoy their shore leave until the end. I'm posting this part to appreciate Bones in his beach clothes and Laura's very loyal Andorian officer who slips ("Laura! I mean, Ma'am!") when she sees her Captain in danger and oh whoops now I ship them. She doesn't remind me of anyone, I don't know what you're talking about.

Anyway, wrong ship. I'm obviously not following what the story is trying to tell me, because this is what happens next:

Just a moment to appreciate sleeping Jim. Cute.

So, after that night together, Jim and Laura don't see each other for 6 months. They meet again when the Drake, Laura's starship, has a battle against a group of space pirates and the Enterprise intervenes without consulting Laura first. Laura and Jim have a slight fight about that, but Jim apologizes, and it ends with them in bed again.

After that, because Jim is a romantic man, not a womanizer, and thank goodness the creators of this comic know, Jim asks Laura on a date. As they're walking together on a planet, Laura points out that they're doing things in the wrong order. Jim's reply is rather interesting: he asks her if they need to know what they're doing, and if there has to be a shape or a meaning to it. It's the first sign that even if they're both obviously attracted to each other, Jim is unsure about the kind of relationship he wants with her. When I think about his previous experiences, I believe it makes sense. He may be a romantic at heart, but he suffered so much for love that I can see why he's trying to be careful. There's also another reason, more related to the time this story takes place, which is a few months before the end of Jim's five-year mission. We see it here:

Ah, yes, a typical first date conversation: what Spock talks about. Well done, Jim. Saying "a friend of mine" doesn't make it less obvious; I did my Star Trek homework and I know you're quoting the basis of Vulcan philosophy to her :D

(Of course, now I won't stop imagining Jim casually mentioning Spock during every single date he has with someone… That would explain why his love stories never last…)

On a serious note, as I was working on this analysis I realized something extremely interesting about the context of Jim's lines. Jim is mentioning IDIC when he's questioning his future as a starship captain. He remembers that Spock talks about Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations, but Jim can only do one job. However, what will Spock tell him someday, right next to an IDIC flag?

Now, I don't know if the people who worked on the Valentine's Day comic really thought about this, but I think it's still, well, fascinating that Jim is using Spock's words to think about his own future, but he's following the wrong direction. I believe it's also worth pointing out that Spock will tell Jim that commanding a starship is his "first, best destiny" years after finding his own place in the universe. On the contrary, during the time this comic takes place, Spock is busy with his own inner distress.

Anyway, that's enough Spock for now. Back to Jim's first date with Laura…

So, I started this analysis with a question: how the hell do you write a love story with TOS Kirk in 2020? This is the way this comic tries to answer: you create a female character just like him.

Okay, they look cute together. Laura loves being a starship captain! She loves reading! And dancing! And climbing!

Wait, wait, wait. I appreciate the inclusion of Jim Kirk's canon hobbies. I really do! But aren't we forgetting one?

This is interesting. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but this makes me think that they didn't want Laura to have something in common with Spock. Spock is the character who plays chess the most in TOS, so I can see why the creators of the comic didn't want the readers to think about Spock instead of thinking about Jim's girlfriend. That would be too bad, huh? :)

There's also horseback riding missing, but that doesn't appear until the movies, so even if I personally believe that a farm boy like Jim learned how to ride horses when he was young, I can see why they skipped it in this comic. It's also mostly associated to another love interest (Antonia from Generations), but if this is the reason they didn't want to show Jim and Laura riding a horse, I'm just going to think even more that the lack of chess is suspicious, and they're counting Spock as one of the "girlfriends".

On the other hand, since horseback riding is associated to starship captains in TOS and TNG (I don't know about the other Star Trek TV series because I haven't watched them yet), I think it would have been a good idea to have one panel with Jim and Laura riding.

That said, if I had to make a guess about the real reason the comic doesn't show horses… I'm a doctor writer, not an artist, but I believe that drawing horses can be a pain in the ass, so in this comic they just didn't bother haha

Anyway, back to the plot! As I said, Jim and Laura's personalities are very alike. Of course, that doesn't mean they're perfect for each other, but I admit that this premise made me curious when I read this comic. Let's find out if it works out!

I'm posting this picture because of the book Laura is holding: first of all, this is where the title of this story, Captains of Sea and War, comes from. But it's also important to remember the book. You'll see why in Part 2. :)

So, two months later, Jim and Laura trust each other as captains without even talking:

We see Laura's other friend, probably her first officer, trying to warn her, just as Spock does on the Enterprise. I'm taking a little moment to appreciate "Noted, adored, and ignored, Commander", because it's really sweet. Imagine Jim telling this to Spock :D

So, the captains are right, and everything is good, because…

Okay, okay, wait a minute.

Apparently, one of the good things of this relationship is that Jim and Laura make a good team together. They don't even need to communicate to understand each other during a mission. Now… I don't even need to put my K/S goggles on to say that Jim and Spock are canonically one of the best teams in Starfleet, if not The best team. You don't need to ship them to know how many times they understand each other without words in the series, how many times they make plans and just know what the other will do, how many times Spock hears/sees someone that should be Jim and just knows something is wrong, and so on. Of course, as a Kirk/Spock shipper, reading in a Valentine's Day special that making a good team is good for Jim's love life makes me happy!

"Yep. All that sex didn't go to waste."

Jim. Jim. Are you saying that you and Laura are a good team in Starfleet because you had a lot of sex? I'm not even going to say what this makes me think as a K/S shipper… Did I say that Kirk and Spock are the best team? :D

Okay, okay, maybe it's not the same. Because Spock is a man, and Jim isn't attracted to men… right?

Ahem. I lost my mind when I read this for the first time, and I'm going to lose it again.

"There don't seem to have been many ladies in your life. Gentlemen, either." "Well, I've been busy."

Now, let's be honest here: Laura's lines didn't have to be phrased that way. We know Jim likes women, so even nowadays nobody would bat an eye at "there don't seem to have been many ladies in your life"; and if you're the writer of a very heterosexual comic who wants to avoid K/S shippers like me thinking "hehehe, because Jim has a man in his life", you can still write something neutral like "there don't seem to have been many lovers/romantic partners in your life". Or just a generic "it looks like you haven't been on many dates lately".

Laura mentioning "gentlemen" explicitly can make some readers think that men are an actual option for Jim. (Me, I'm "some readers".) Sure, it's not a confirmation, but Jim doesn't deny it. He just says he's been busy. There is room for interpretation in multiple directions, but even if I put my personal preference aside, I think it's important to remember something: in context, in this part of the story, Laura knows Jim. We've seen in a previous panel that they've done a lot of things together. Laura is not a stranger who may say "you don't have a girlfriend… or a boyfriend" because they don't know Jim. Personally, I think it's very likely that Laura asks about ladies and then adds gentlemen because she knows Jim is bisexual with a preference on women. It fits my headcanon for him. (Of course, he can be into anyone, not just men and women, and he has a preference for women because hasn't tried dating Spock yet :D)

Anyway, the other thing that panel points out is that neither captain would give up on their own starship. Well, that's fair.

Okay, okay, I'll be serious: Jim sacrifices the Enterprise in The Search for Spock during an emergency. Of course, it's definitely not a coincidence in the narrative that said emergency happens because Jim is looking for Spock's body. However, we all know how much Jim loves the Enterprise and how bad he feels without a starship, so it's only fair that in normal circumstances, he shouldn't be forced to give up on his "silver lady".

Laura understands that they're the same, so...

This is another thing I appreciated! Who cares about gender norms, a woman can propose to James T. Kirk! :D

Now, just as I said about the "gentlemen" line, it's important to think about the context of this proposal. When the two of them are drinking together, Laura says "I've been asking around about you". That means Jim and Laura's relationship is still casual, to the point that she could have expected him to have flings with other people too. Honestly, this is just my opinion, but I'm not even sure I'd call it exactly an open relationship, because that would still imply a relationship in the first place. I'm mostly referring to the fact that Laura has been asking around about Jim's love life instead of just, you know, asking him? I believe that if they trusted each other and were in an open romantic relationship, either they wouldn't care about each other's partners or they would just talk about it. Since Laura wants to marry Jim and have an exclusive relationship with him, it makes sense for her to bring up Jim's love life. However, I can't really help side-eyeing that "I've been asking around".

Am I reading too much into this? It's possible, but this is another clue about their dynamic that I'll mention later in the story.

Sooo, Laura asks Jim to marry him. What does Jim answer?

Unfortunately, I reached Tumblr limitations of the number of pictures I can share, so… you'll find out in Part 2!

If you're reading my analysis for the Kirk/Spock shipper's point of view, I especially recommend the second half, because that's where things get more interesting! :D

I hope you enjoyed the first part of this analysis! Thank you for reading until the end! See you soon!

Part 2!

[lostdrarryfics]

This is one of my favorite blogs, so I hope I'm phrasing this respectfully. As someone neurodivergent, I never make asks off anon because you occasionally dress down the asker for not following the rules or not asking kindly enough. I'm desperately afraid that's going to be me, and I realize I won't be tagged as a result if some of my remaining lost fics are found. Not asking you to make changes or accommodations; just saying that some of us are on anon for a reason, and it isn't to irritate you or because we're embarrassed by our taste in fic.

Thank you for what you do.

Hi anon! We believe you are referring to the statement in our pinned post, where we recommend people send asks off anon because it makes it easier for us to help you. That statement was added a long time ago (maybe two years ago?) when someone sent us an ask to let us know they were too embarrassed to send spicy and/or dark asks off anon. We wanted to make sure people knew that LDF is a no-judgement zone so we updated our pinned post. Send us excruciatingly detailed asks about a blow job scene! Describe a dark Harry AU and tell us all the messed up things he does! We really don't mind. There are mods on the team with differing likes and squicks, with some mods comfortable with searching for just about anything. In this way, we can work together to search for a wide range of requests.

From a team partially made up of neurodivergent folks, we're sorry to hear that you struggle with sending asks off anon! It will never be a requirement, only a suggestion. We typically ignore/delete asks that are rude or don't follow the rules. We will admit we've recently called out a couple people who didn't follow our guidelines around Reddit posts because it is a new and repetitive issue. It's very frustrating for our team when we spend so much time and effort on an ask just to find out that it was located on Reddit. It's a huge waste of our time but we've tried to roll with it anyways. We updated the rules and it still keeps happening. We try to be as kind as possible when calling out these asks, but we understand it's difficult to convey tone. We're not trying to embarrass anyone or make them feel bad, we're just saying "hey! Please don't do this in the future!".

We're all just people here and we try to give others the benefit of the doubt. Yet, we believe it is perfectly reasonable to give an appropriate response in a situation where you break our rules or are rude to us. This is a free service and we can choose to be firm about our rules when we find it necessary. Keep in mind that there is a reminder to read our guidelines before sending an ask in bold red letters on our pinned post. It's in our bio. You literally have to click a button that says "read the guidelines" when you send us an ask. The most important points in our guidelines are written in bold red letters. If you get that far and still send us rule-breaking asks, we may respond and ask you not to.

People tend to treat us like a search engine and not a team of real people. We help with a lot of asks that don't even include a simple "please" or "thank you". 99% of the rude or rule-breaking asks don't even see the light of day. We delete them and move on. It's very rare for us to respond! There really shouldn't be anything for you to worry about anon, it sounds like you have probably already read our guidelines. We understand if you'd still like to be anonymous in the future though! It doesn't irritate us, we just won't be able to send you updates about the fics you're trying to find.

[cruelfeline]

I've been playing a whole lot of Avatar: Frontiers of Pandora, and it's been pretty great so far. I'm not super into the combat; it's not my thing, and I'm not very good at it. But the environment is incredible! And I'm a sucker for xenobiology, so just wandering around and marveling at all the different plants and animals is more than enough to allow me to enjoy myself.

I wandered onto YouTube to look at some videos, namely ones that discuss fun little secrets and tips that one may miss while playing.

And y'all, I had another one of those moments where I don't really "get" what people want put of their games.

So like, one of the mechanics in this game involves harvesting resources. Pretty standard thing in any sort of survival/crafting game, but AFOP makes it so much more interesting. Each harvestable has to be carefully tilted a certain way (with mouse or controller) to harvest it properly. Otherwise, the quality suffers, reflected in an item's stats. In addition, each one has a specific environmental factor that affects its quality. Certain plants are best harvested when it's raining. Others with its dry. Others at night. And so on.

One of the YouTube videos I watched had the guy going on and in about what a waste of time the harvesting mechanic was, and how there was an option to turn it off that should absolutely be taken.

Which. Like. I love having that option for accessibility! But waving off an immersive, unique mechanic as something annoying and time consuming? Specifically recommending turning it off so you can just run around and collect everything you see, with no effort, like all the other games?

I was so disappointed in that. Like... this game tries so hard to immerse you in its world, and part of that is taking care and harvesting mindfully, like a Na'vi would do. Learning and memorizing the particulars of every plant. Taking time and not just... I don't know. Running around grabbing shit and just rushing about to shoot more things.

I've seen people complain that the game is just "Far Cry with Blue People," and then they go ahead and recommend skipping gameplay to essentially make it more like Far Cry. Or any other generic FPS.

And I don't understand it. It's like... you see a thing that devs clearly put in there to make things more immersive, to give their game a certain feel, and you just shove it aside so that you can reduce the game down to its most basic, dull components. Why? What is even the point of making all of these games unique if you forcibly avoid what makes them such?

I mean... people should be able to play games as they like, of course. But it's weird to specifically identify a unique mechanic as some sort of flaw that needs to be bypassed.

I dunno. It just makes me feel kind of sad and put out. It makes me think of devs working hard to perfect a thing that they feel is going to help make their game unique and enjoyable, only for someone to shove it aside because it gets in the way of the most basic gameplay in existence.

Bleh.

[izicodes]

hey — i'm sorry if this question has been asked before. if it has, u can just link me to ur answer!

if you had to do your coding journey all over again, where would you start? what would you recommend to beginners?

Hiya!!

Yes, I have answered a similar question to this before, which you can view them here:

Ask link 1 | Ask link 2 | Ask link 3 | Ask link 4 | Ask link 5

Personally for me if I would start all over again, I would learn HTML, CSS, and JavaScript then, after researching what area in programming I like (which would be web development and game development), I would learn some JavaScript frameworks like React and Vue. At the same time learning C# and Unity. The key part in what I just said is "after researching what area in programming I like" - find the niche you like and focus on the languages/frameworks/libraries etc you need to know to be very well in it.

Don't waste your time on things you don't need. Example: why would I learn about the data science side of programming? Right now it's not necessary for me to learn that... so I don't.

Don't know what you like and looking into having a job in programming? Look at the job listing's description of the kind of developer you want to be and look at what languages/frameworks/libraries they want you to know to apply. Obviously, you're not going to apply now but it gives you an idea of what the market is asking for.

As I explained in some of the asks I listed above, what I recommend for beginners all depends on what kind of programmer you want to be. But if you're confused and you're an absolute beginner, just try HTML, CSS and JavaScript as starters before having your full course meal, which would be the programming languages you researched that you need before the developer you want to be.

Here is a cool link that I am using currently to help me stay on track with different developer paths you could follow:

Roadmap.sh [LINK] - a community effort to create roadmaps, guides and other educational content to help guide the developers in picking up the path and guiding their learnings.

I hope this helps!! Good luck with your studies!

[desultory-suggestions]

hello. i could really use some advice. i'm autistic and my last friend cut me off a while ago. i felt like she didn't like me anymore and she'd deny it when i asked but finally admitted it. that's not even the first time something like that has happened. i'm really lonely and i want friends so badly but i always end up getting ghosted and i've developed terrible social anxiety because of it. i've only ever received positive feedback from people, i've been told i'm kind, polite, and fun to talk to. i encourage communication and boundaries. but i still end up getting ghosted or cut off. i feel so worthless. i don't know how to cope with this loneliness when i want friends more than anything and also not how to feel like i'm worthless because i don't have friends.

thank you.

Hello, dear!

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. Relationships can be so complex, and loneliness is one of the hardest things to navigate. In my experience, when a person receives positive feedback but loses friends repeatedly, it is an issue of compatibility, not behavior. It is hard to grapple with the fact that some people will not want to be our friends when we have done nothing wrong. We cannot convince these people to like us, and we should not change ourselves arbitrarily to fit their needs. If you are talkative, be talkative. If you are straightforward, be straightforward. Always strive to be kind in your actions, and accept responsibility when you are not. If you are doing all of this, anyone who doesn't stick around isn't meant to be in your life. While it feels impossible sometimes, we all have people who we will click with (and they will click with you!) Finding them can be hard, but giving up is harder in the long run. I recommend seeking out spaces that are aligned with your interests, being yourself, and accepting who reaches out to you. Don't waste time chasing down friends who don't put forth any effort, instead look for the spaces where someone will. Join local groups and attend community events. Online communities can be a good option too.

I am autistic, and so I understand there is an added layer of isolation when you struggle with the layers of social complexity and ableism. It has always been difficult for me to deal with the feeling that some people have secret social rules I violate, leading to them leaving me behind. I will be told it wasn't me, but nonetheless, I will feel punished for it. This feeling is not a sign that you need to change. While it is hard to work through, it is important to accept ourselves as we are and seek people who understand us. Neurodiverse inclusive or oriented spaces may offer relief. Who you are and what makes you happy are beautiful, and the goal is to find those who appreciate it not erase it. Do not give up on yourself. In the times where you do not have friends, focus your energy on exploring what makes you happiest. Go do things you reserve as "friend activities" by yourself, it's fun! Engage more deeply in hobbies and interests you've missed. Journal, explore and care for yourself. In time as you blossom in confidence you will be able to find joy no matter how your social connections shift throughout your life. You are enough all by yourself, and you do not need anyone to make you good.

Nonetheless, you will always have a friend here. Take tender care!

Evan

[inkofamethyst]

September 20, 2024

It's not at all that I'm annoyed or frustrated with my advisor. I absolutely trust his judgement over mine right now. I am frustrated with myself. It's like.. I'm really, really trying to prove myself. I want to be good at science, and I think I'm improving, but every time I try to.. demonstrate, like, brilliance or something (and maybe "brilliance" is too egotistical of a word for what I'm trying to say, perhaps "engagement" or even like "ability to analyze, synthesize, and propose scientific thought"), I come out of the conversation having failed entirely. And that failure feels humiliating.

A big part of it is that I feel like the road my PhD is currently on is laid out for me in a way that literally just follows what my postdoc has done for the past few years. I mean, in all fairness, she's done amazing work! I think the methods I plan to use will be excellent for answering relevant questions robustly. I look forward to following in her footsteps, actually. It's just that, like, it feels like cheating? It feels like being given a cheat code, but in a bad way (and like, look, I know that science is iterative and builds on itself and is meant to be replicated, but full replication isn't actually encouraged by scientific culture, regardless of what scientists try to tell themselves). And while it may make my program progression more straightforward, I will always feel like I will exist in the shadow of the person who did this first. And it's honestly not even that I want fame or recognition or whatever. It's literally that I want to be seen as a scientist in my own right. That's all!! That's where the frustrations stem from!!

And if I dig deeper, I'll likely find that it really just stems from insecurity (or course). I feel uncertain, I feel like people are observing me to see if I will fail or fly, if I'm all that my recommenders made me out to be. Part of me recognizes that it's incredibly self-centered and that, ultimately, most people do not care. But I can't seem to help it! I can't seem to help but compare myself to members of my cohort who seem particularly On It as second years ("second" years.. some were research assistants in their labs before starting grad school tbf).

So I try to thoroughly digest primary literature. I make note of all the various methods so I can try to be informed, so I can propose study systems and keep up when others are talking.. but I just can't seem to crack experimental design.

It's also tough when the most recent lab graduate and the next up lab graduate seem brilliant. And when the graduate before them seems brilliant. I just feel devastatingly normal and even a bit out of place because of it.

Also, I spent a number of weeks testing and writing out various ideas for this fellowship I want to apply for and I wasn't sure if any of them were good enough ("good" standing in for several factors), but I'm going to just end up proposing the first thing I wrote: a copy of my postdoc's work but just applied to a different study system, "my" system. So it also feels a little like a waste of time and effort when I could've been basically through a whole draft or two by now instead of trying to be creative, trying to prove that I have what it takes to maybe be brilliant, if not today then one day.

hhhhh at this point I don't even want comfort. I just want to get over myself.

And oreos. I also want to eat just enough oreos that I feel better but not so many that my stomach protests. But I need to eat real food first.

Today I'm thankful that I for some reason decided to look at the microscope schedule to discover that I had fifteen minutes left booked, not an hour and fifteen, as I'd thought. Also thankful that I was able to export my images in just ten minutes (on the flip side, that may be a sign that the images suck ugh). At least my day didn't get worse.

Thankful for my island-friend who is always down for a chat, even one where I just moped the whole time. Thankful for the discord chat's newly-formed Fart Crew ("fiber art crew" bc I threw out a bad idea to get the brainstorm going and everyone rallied behind it (much to my dismay)) and the chat we had a few days ago. I like my friends here but I also miss those guys so much.

[edit: my angst could very well be related to hunger.. need to fuel better]

[ballonleastadiumofficial]

would you have any advice on exploring the tangle without getting snatched by whichever hatterene senses you having a good time first?

i've always wanted to visit and try exploring, but it is a bit concerning how many of the fairies are effected by emotional state and also how many of them can be provoked accidentally. so i haven't done that

Hmph. For your information, I find your first statement to be highly reductionist. Contrary to popular belief, Hatterene don't, in fact, prowl around in an effort to maul every human they see. And even if they did, a Hatterene exhibits many warning signs before resorting to violence, the most prevalent being the way they employ their psychic power to produce headaches in any offending creatures. You'll know when one is nearby, provided you understand their signals. A Hatterene would much rather irritate you into leaving its territory than waste energy incapacitating you. Vacate an area when you feel the sudden onset of a headache or hear its high-pitched cry, and you will be completely fine.

But, fine. If you'd really like to be sure you will not encounter an aggressive Hatterene, there are certain measures that you can take to further ensure your safety. You could, of course, bring a pokemon with inherently calming abilities. This would include Sylveon, Spritzee, or Comfey, to name a few. Even a pokemon with a keen sense of hearing, such as Audino, could help alert you to changes in the forest atmosphere around you; areas where Hatterene dwell tend to be much quieter than other parts of the Tangle due to it forcing most other pokemon to leave the area. You could also simply bring a pokemon capable of defending you from a Hatterene. Think steel types or quick-footed poison types.

I'd also recommend using the oft underrated strategy of staying on the path, at the very least until you get your bearings of the area. Believe it or not, Hatterene don't tend to travel to the designated paths of the Tangle. They expect human foot traffic there and thus avoid it due to the unnecessary stress of sensing excess emotion.

Perhaps you'd consider practicing your own personal calming strategies as well. As clever as I am, I can't predict every little action that might be effective in helping you keep your composure.

[molinabiancavalentina]

LITERATURE FOR ENGLISH

3RD BLOG _ Water Consumption: Important issue / ESSAY

In this essay the author tries to give us some tips on how to save water in many aspects. It is explained that water can disappear at any time, even when you don't think it is possible. In countries like India, water consumption is so intense that people don't know what to do. But don't worry, you can do something for them, and it starts to build a great relationship with water conservation by doing practical things day by day that would help you with this massive problem. Obviously, water conservation is important in this essay since all the content is about how to conserve water and some statistics about where water is becoming scarce. 

The essay addresses the issue of water conservation in the context that we can all do something to make this conservation a reality with small actions in our daily lives, believe me these small actions will then be of great help in ending the problem of water consumption. As I mentioned before, at first glance, the author focuses a lot on mentioning tips for saving water in various aspects, such as the typical advice to turn off the faucet if you are not using the water that comes out of it. On the other hand, the author is clearly trying to convince the reader with his well-written essay on water conservation, which even gives data from different geographical areas where water is completely disappearing, while in other areas this resource has come to an end. In recent years, the global water crisis has caused a lot of problems. As a result, many countries have begun to face severe shortages. I will confirm the above with one of the paragraphs mentioned in the essay: "The problem is not limited to water, many other resources are also becoming scarce, and this is causing global warming". The symbolism that is given to water is especially important because it is mentioned as something precious and complex for people to know how to use it, it seems, but that is not true, people just don't want to see how to save the environment, that is called selfishness.

In this essay, the author wants to make the message about water conservation clear as he mentions that in several countries they have already taken measures to solve this problem; however, there are still places like India and Africa that are affected by this big problem. The author tries to give the reader a message of conviction and persuasion that makes him think about his actions and how he could help the environment by just conserving and preserving one of his most important resources like water. In itself, the perspective that the one who wrote this essay takes is very focused on his purpose of wanting to create awareness with his words, since he mentions percentages of people who do not have access to water, so we could intuit that this person knows what he is talking about. 

Some of the tips or recommendations we could follow to keep water as a resource within everyone's reach are

* Checking and repairing water leaks could help reduce the amount of water wasted around the world.

* Drink more purified water, which not only benefits your health, but also reduces contamination from evaporated water when boiling water. 

* Avoid family carnivals or water-guzzling activities, as they can interfere with your water conservation efforts.

To sum up, this essay was written very timely and in a structured way about water conservation, as it also talks about the situation of some countries because they do not have enough water to meet their basic needs, which is why the author of this essay chose to give us options to make a change in this area of water abuse. In my opinion, this essay addresses very well the fact that we all have to be aware that we are what we are for ourselves, and it is we who have to fix what we have caused, certainly after this English project I have become aware of many things that I have not done well in terms of water conservation, and I will try to change that.

[eightwholebreads]

How to make these big print outs at home

Edit: Another thing from my drafts. I think I was going to add images to this but yeah I can't be bothered. Originally written in January 2023. Posted with minor edits

Some of you are no doubt aware of my life sized Greg and Alex print outs. (Even fewer of you will be aware of my watto printout... anyway)

They're relatively simple to make yourself so here are the instructions! I don't know if this is the best way to do things but its what I do. If anything's unclear just ask and I'll clarify.

Step 1: Selecting your image

If you're printing out an image huge, you're going to need a large, high quality image. You're also going to want an image on a relatively plain background to make the next step easier

Step 2: Removing the background

In order to not waste printer ink, you're going to want to do this

Step 3: Enlarging the image

Using ai image upscalers you can make an image that's reasonable sized into one that's huge. You can throw the image through the upscaler multiple times. It might get weird in places because these things aren't perfect but they take some of the graininess out of simply resizing the image.

You're going to want your image to be at least your desired height at the highest dpi your printer prints at (if you're going to all this effort you might as well make it high quality). For my printer this is 300dpi.

Once you have the image at at least the height you need open it up in an image editing program. Set the measurement mode to cm (or inches if you're like that) and then shrink the image so it's exactly the height you want. Then save.

Step 4: Preparing the image for printing

This is legit the easiest way I've found of doing this. I don't know if I'm just being an idiot and missing a button somewhere that just prints the image at the exact correct size over multiple pages but I can't find it (my Greg is actually about 10% smaller than he should be because I hadn't worked this out yet...)

Open up LibreOffice calc or microsoft excel (I can't find a way to do this in google sheets). Drag the image over to the spreadsheet. Check the size is still correct via the image options. The height should be what you need it to be still. Print to pdf.

Optional (but recommended to save paper). Open the pdf in your image editing program. Make sure the dpi is set correctly when you open it. Move the small parts all on to one layer. Make sure there's no overlap. Delete any blank pages/layers. Save this image to a pdf saving it using the layers as page option.

Step 5: Print!

I can't help you with your printer. In theory this is the easiest step.

Step 6: Cut out the pieces

I use a scalpel and cutting mat to cut out the pieces although you can use scissors. Use a ruler for the straight, internal edges! You want to be as precise as possible with these. When you get to the edge of an external edge leave a little triangle of excess on the corner edges. Having these will make the final construction neater later

Step 8: Stick them together

You'll want some floor space for this last bit. Lay out all your pieces so you know where each of them go (like a giant jigsaw). Stick some sellotape to the back edge of one piece. Take its adjacent piece and bring it in perpendicular to the tape. You're trying to line up the edge perfectly. Bring the piece you're holding down towards the tape. If you do it right you should push into the narrow edge of the piece with the tape on and so leave either no or a very hard to see seam. Do this with all the pieces.

Turn your guy over and add more tape to corners and near edges to stop the pages peeling up.

When they're all stuck together cut off the little extra triangle edges so the edge of the image is smooth and any excess tape.

And that's it! Stick your guy wherever you want!

[the-vicious-guardian-incarnate]

[☆] About the "Drama" [☆]

I'm sorry, I'm not done talking about this. I have a lot more to say because I know there isn't much about it out there from the side of a mod who was involved. I thought I would be okay leaving it where I did in the last post, but I want to make it clear why I, at least, cut off contact and interaction with the person involved. (Person involved will be referred to as FH, nobody will be outright named except, of course, myself.)

I can't speak for any others and I won't dare say I am, but please know I have probably over a decade of online roleplaying experience across platforms, and I have a different radar for certain things than others might because of the communities I used to run in.

“Drama” tag is «what a wuwarp week» If you want to reblog this for some reason, you can, but please be reasonable or I'll turn that off.

This is meant to inform, not lambast or accuse. This is my experience and no one else’s. Do not go looking for FH, do not interact with FH, leave FH alone.

Again, DO NOT search out the person in question. It will be a waste of your time and effort. If that feels harsh, please read on. It will be long and possibly confusing, but I hope it will at least mostly explain my stance, here.

I am not a confrontational person (we've just heard a lot of that… but I'm generally too tired for it is my take). I thought this situation could be resolved peacefully. This situation, I don't believe, actually could be resolved peacefully. Someone was going to get hurt. I've rewritten this post at least five times now, because I don't want anyone to continue getting hurt from this situation, but I didn't feel right not letting people know what was going on behind-the-scenes and in my head; there's a lot. I have a lot of thoughts at decent speeds. I have a lot of experience with roleplayers of different experience/skill levels. I have even moderated several Discord roleplaying servers (which isn't something I can recommend unless you are very passionate about it). I was actually ostracized by a small sub-community once, because my character simply wasn't designed to play well with the character of a popular person in that sub-community (by design, and for interest and variety, not malice).

That is to say, I understand many sides to this story through living them myself before. I wish things like this didn't happen and everyone could roleplay without having any problems with someone else, but that isn't healthy (again, I have experienced a community where discourse or "drama" was discouraged so heavily you had to pretend to get along with everyone or you'd get absolutely dog-piled for "bullying" someone). So we have a world where people are allowed to say how they feel: that's fantastic! Your feelings are valid! You're allowed to have them, and express them, and tell people when they've made you feel them!

But what isn't acceptable is going off and crying to anyone who'll listen about how terrible this (being told someone would like FH to adjust FH's approach for a more enjoyable experience for both parties) is! Sobbing about how awful this is! Why would they say this? This is so harsh! I'm traumatized by this! (Again, "this" is someone simply stating a discomfort and asking for a change or understanding of the situation, which is normal, valid, and nothing to lose your curlers over.)

Yes, I checked. I hadn't known anything was happening before I received a DM out of nowhere. So I went and looked. I investigated. This is also appropriate; while it can be a little time-consuming, it's best to make an informed decision, no?

My findings were that someone simply got tired of having to try to manipulate their character into going along with everything FH said. This is valid; working with incompatible characters/personalities can be grueling work particularly when the other person in control isn't willing to give or bend a little to make a prolonged interaction believable (I know this, because it was usually I who had to bend, and a situation that had me leaving many times). This person simply had not found another way to express this to FH, which made sense: FH has repeatedly shown an inability or disinterest in actually reading the words placed in front of FH to read (something I experienced in my own interactions with FH, actually).

But, you see, this DM opened by FH apologizing for being annoying… and/or "too cute." For me, this immediately triggered a little red flag, though I ignored it because I thought, well, this could be a good opportunity to get FH to understand what might have been going on with this other blog. So I respond, pointing out what the issues may have been, as well as solutions so that FH can take this advice and continue on with their endeavors. (Yes, the fault does lie on FH.)

Except FH completely, outright, blatantly ignores all of my advice. Not once, not twice, but three times. We spoke for an hour. The only thing I accomplished was an amateur psychoanalysis! Feel free to imagine Calcharo wearing a deerstalker (Sherlock Holmes hat) here.

Here is where my mention of all my experience in various roleplay communities comes into play. Yes, I do analyze how people act towards others, even--maybe especially--when someone is apologizing to me. This will become analytical and possibly confusing, though I will try my best to write this out clearly. If you have questions, you can ask. We'll go just about message by message to cover all aspects my brain covered during the conversation.

So, again, FH and I speak for an hour (I have screenshots, involved parties may ask to see some/all). I offer advice for the situation, such as reassessing FH's approach to characters (offering to let FH try again) or finding the type of character who would readily accept FH's approach as opposed to, like, the hardened mercenary who's been fighting essentially his whole life just to survive. I point out the places FH may have stumbled, which may have lead to the other mod's reaction; being too pushy and acting as if FH were trying to roleplay with a character that could not exist without veering off wildly into OOC territory (Calcharo outright accepting their advances in the first meeting).

FH, who has been offered solutions and explanations, responds with multiple statements about what things FH may do now that FH has been made to feel uncomfortable in the community (this is also the only point in our conversation where the discomfort of character mods comes up until the end). FH apologizes twice in this message.

Here I offer other explanations and suggestions as to how to fix this. These include potentially changing FH's approach to characters who will be more accepting of FH's chosen exaggerated personality traits. I tell FH, "There's just no such thing as characterization of yourself or characters that's compatible with absolutely everyone and anyone."

Keeping that last bit in mind, FH proceeds to say several things have been mentioned that day, and that FH's approaches worked in the past and so FH stuck with it. FH apologizes again. End of message, excluding some extraneous information because this is already incredibly long.

So I say--oh, wait, how strange. Twice have I offered advice, and twice has it gone unacknowledged.

Anyway, I say that the problem was that FH was far too stubborn with the approaches used, which was the other mod's primary concern (stated quite clearly!) and something that very obviously wouldn't work with Calcharo. Please note that I end this message saying "I just don't really understand why you thought this approach would… do much? With Calcharo, at least. Does he at all seem the type to respond favorably to what you gave me to work with?" fully expecting some kind of response explaining FH's thought process.

FH says "I was trying something even if it wasn't working." This tells me that FH… doesn't appear to fully grasp the fact that… we're people? We're just people playing with dolls on the internet. These are our little guys (gender neutral) and we play them the way we want to, that makes sense to us and falls in line with how we want them to act. Of course, I say this. I mention this. I tell FH that we are people pretending to be other people, and we "all have personalities, histories, likes, dislikes, and thoughts of [our] own."

"Not everyone can or will react the same to the same information, right?"

Lo and behold, FH replies with… "I know that. I can see that." Even though… not a single interaction FH has had with a character has shown that. I went and looked through a handful of blogs to see just how widespread this was. The results: FH offered every single one of us the same one or two premises to work off of. Does FH really know people can react differently to the same thing, or does FH think it's possible to get them all to respond the exact way FH wants from them using the same one or two approaches?

I will exclude the contents of the next few messages as they hold more identifying information than the last few. What is important is that I do tell FH that they should take some time away to reflect on this situation and why others reacted this way to everything going on. I tell FH that it's possible to "go out and learn and do better, so you don't end up in the same position for any other fandoms in the future. You can't become any better at this if you don't try and change from this, after all."

… and FH says "I was just hoping to have funsies." FH says, "Don't really know where I would learn from when all I do is AU stuff with friends."

Recall my wide range of roleplay experiences? I tell FH about this as well. I say there's nothing wrong with AU roleplay because I've definitely done quite a lot of it myself! But this is something important more people looking to improve on their roleplay skills should know: only roleplaying with your friends in a closed environment will cause stagnation and may potentially leave you with bad habits that could get you in trouble with other people who don't know you or what you do. "It's not really fun if only one of the people involved is enjoying themselves, is it?" I ask, expecting a response to that, at least.

FH instead chooses to latch onto two topics; friends and a singular mention of roleplay etiquette. FH does not respond to anything else I said, even though I said quite a lot not said here (this is so long, I'm sorry). "Most people I've [roleplayed] with are just doing whatever."

I type out a nice big paragraph about how we are all strangers here and cannot be expected to react the way a friend would, because one singular person's experiences are not the hard and fast rule for EVERYTHING else. Etiquette is always going to differ between friends and strangers, no?

FH chooses to expand on the friends thing. I didn't ask for that. I asked for clarification on if FH mostly roleplayed with friends. FH did not give me that answer. FH said nothing about the rest of my paragraph.

So I try again, and I double down on how FH appears to be treating an entirely new fandom filled with strangers exactly the way FH would treat "doing whatever" with friends. FH responds with words, but no answer.

And so here, I finally give up on attempting to help FH learn and grow from this experience. I finally give up on trying to wiggle any cohesive answers out of FH. I tell FH fine, you can go ahead and do whatever you want, but "I can't recommend trying again in the WuWa community. Even if a mod doesn't know about you, other people who interact with these blogs do. I got an anon about you. I thought I would give you some more time and see if anything changed."

This is, perhaps, the part that made me the most upset, and apparently it made FH the most upset here, too, because this message is littered with crying emojis? (It makes me feel old even though I'm younger than FH.) FH reiterates "I said I'm sorry" though does not say what for, because I am fairly sure FH does not understand what the root cause of the issue is, here. Not that I can be sure, because I've gotten a lot of nothing answers (which is, yes, another red flag I was ignoring up until this point). FH said "I was just trying to make it right" despite me saying multiple times FH can simply do that and even try again as long as FH changes the problem areas I… happened to have pointed out earlier.

And FH says "You guys are making it seem like I did crimes or something." (Followed by more emojis.)

Now, I'm not quite sure, because I might be a little more autistic than I think I am, so I might have missed something, but… so far, I have asked FH to change the problem behavior and try again later. I have pointed out the problem behavior. I have given FH options for changing and growing and learning if FH just so chooses to--

--and I snap a little, because I do have my limits, and this was… annoying, because I know this situation did not need to turn out like this. (I later found out another blog's mod had also attempted to talk to FH about the situation with just as much success, which does not surprise me. If that other blog's mod is reading this, I hope you're feeling better. It wasn't your fault you couldn't do anything.) Yes, you are allowed to have your feelings, feel your feelings, speak to people about your feelings, but outright denying or ignoring any help people are offering just because they don't align with what you want isn't healthy, helpful, or even really productive. Like that "stupid little walk for my stupid little mental health" or… whatever that TikTok(?) was. I really hope that makes sense. Sorry.

Here, I tell FH that "I don't think you actually understand what the problem was in the first place. You haven't said if you were going to try better to avoid this same thing. If you continue on like this you are GOING to run into another character and another mod who won't take this well and this same thing will happen all over again." Please note this is not to shade the mod who spoke up, but to point out that the very valid reaction was because the interaction was not going well because of FH. "You cannot make things right if you don't acknowledge WHAT the essence of the problem was."

I spent an hour talking to FH. Apologies again for the length. But please read back and tell me if I missed a place where FH said what the problem was (reminder, collectively: being pushy, stubborn, and unwilling to change something that was making another person uncomfortable).

"You didn't commit a crime, but that doesn't mean people can't be upset at you for not paying any attention to what they're trying to tell you."

FH snaps here because, and I quote, "This has all happened today alone from everyone. And I mean EVERYONE. It's all happening at once all day."

Another note: don't go harass FH. Clearly FH won't learn anything from the harassment. Save your energy.

FH continues to… well, rant, here. I won't write it all out. FH says "I understand" to a lot of things, while also saying things like "I understand that I'm a bad role player[sic] and I don't know what I'm doing," and "I understand everyone is annoyed by me."

Here comes my experiences again. I have worked with a lot of different types of toxic people throughout my years, whether on the internet or in real life. There is good reason for me to believe that, though unintentional, FH was trying to emotionally manipulate us all into giving up and leaving FH be without saying anything else about the matter.

Mind, this is after FH made several public posts being greatly upset with how we were handling the situation, even though FH was undoubtedly the one to make it worse. After all, even though some of us tried to talk with FH, nobody managed to either calm FH down or de-escalate the situation. Multiple people were unable to calm the situation and FH down.

My final message was urging FH to take a break from Tumblr for a while for mental health reasons, because clearly something needed to be done. Sadly, unsurprisingly, I was, once again, outright ignored.

The final takeaway is that none of the mods involved should feel bad for what they did, or what they said, because this IS a genuinely frustrating situation, and FH wasn't making it any easier to try and help, understand, or calm anything down. FH may have even made your own situation worse, in which case I hope you're doing well, now. This situation did not have to be as bad as it was, but you did your best to navigate it.

"You're making me uncomfortable with what you're doing. Please don't do that."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'd like to try and change what I was doing, if that's okay? I won't do it again."

That was all that needed to happen, even if the initial post seemed terse or harsh. It was a simple, genuine (if frustrated) ask, accompanied with common, simple criticism.

Again, do not go bother FH if you know who this is referring to. This person will not learn from being harassed. Screenshots and/or transcripts of the conversation will be available to other involved parties through DMs. Anon asks about this might be ignored. Also, reminder that my first week of running a roleplay blog was the 18th to the 25th :)