#which a lot of people are absolutely capable of and should be stimulated to do

[yugocar]

not to be on a role with art rants but its really funny when people complain about modern art being only for rich snobs because it becomes very telling how YOU perceive art. many artists from modern art movements made a point of how everyone could do art and how daily human activity could be/is art. they created art with people who didnt come from art backgrounds at all and weren’t artists. so either you dont know about these movements/artists in which case you didnt bother to do basic research about something before calling it elitist, or worse, you do and you think these concepts (every day life can be art) are too complex for non-artists to understand.

[decompose1]

ok real quick because i'm going through (undisclosed) bottom surgery and currently have to do so much research and emails about it. so i did some more and slapped this together because i'm tired of the current perception of bottom surgeries!! it's all fearmongering!

common misconceptions about bottom surgery:

The options are "Limited"/if you get bottom surgery, you have to remove/lose your current genitals

WRONG! You can have vaginoplasty with phallus preservation, phalloplasty with vaginal preservation, or metoidioplasty with vaginal preservation. There are a lot of different options about graft locations and types of surgery for any of these surgeries. You can do research to find out your options. You will talk to your surgeon A LOT beforehand and discuss the best option for you. You have more options than you think.

You won't be able to orgasm/you won't feel sensation in your neogenitalia

WRONG! It is extremely rare for trans people who have undergone bottom surgery to be incapable of orgasm, regardless of the options you choose. Most trans people who have had vaginoplasty or phalloplasty are perfectly capable of feeling pleasure when those parts are touched. Anyone who tells you you will be unable to have a fulfilling sex life after surgery is spreading fearmongering myths*.

*I see some people spreading that a neophallus will not have sensation. This is misleading. Whether or not sexual nerves connect in the rest of the phallus is highly variable between patients (and some things like sexual therapies are thought to help), however, the nerves present in the buried clitoral tissue are still there and can still be stimulated in the base of the penis.

A vaginoplasty is just an open wound you're keeping open/dilation isn't natural!

WRONG! (And nobody calls vaginas wounds anymore!). Dilation is a very normal thing. Dilators were originally invented for cis women experiencing pain during sex, especially after other medical procedures. So it's pretty normal to have to use them. It's just a way to keep things healthy and pain-free, and those who have vaginoplasties only have to use them because the muscles there aren't trained the same way. That's all! There's nothing weird about it.

Phalloplasties just look like flesh tubes, there's no good options!

WRONG! Plastic surgery is a wonderful thing, and there are absolutely some very passing-looking phalloplasties out there, especially with the use of medical tattooing! Most of the pictures shared online to mock them are of stage one, before glansplasty, which is when the head is created. Phalloplasty is a multiple-stage surgery, it is not fair to judge them based on seeing an incomplete one. (Also, it's really rude to judge someone else's penis! You should already know that.)

Bottom surgery is only for binary trans people! Nonbinary people can't get it/there are no options for me!

WRONG! While it's completely and fully up to you what IS "for you", and perhaps bottom surgery just isn't it, it's untrue that nonbinary people can't have it, or lack options! There are options to have both genitals (any surgery w/ preservation). There are options to have none at all (nullification). There are options and modifications you can ask for that may be more comfortable for you, such as smaller penis size or a vagina with no depth. There ARE options, and while it can be extra difficult to find therapists and surgeons who work with nonbinary people (i'm dealing with this right now!), know that they ABSOLUTELY DO exist, and you are covered by WPATH guidelines.

anyways!!!! that's all. i see so much misinfo about bottom surgery it's unreal so here's my little info post.

[sapphos-darlings]

What do you think about enthusiastic consent? Personally i think you should only have sex out of desire and that desire should be mutual and equally strong. But i've seen men normalizing things like they girlfriends watching tv and allowing them to have sex even though they want to watch their series so they compromise (woman watches, men does his thing" it seems absolutely horrendous to me as i can't imagine enjoying sex if my partner wasn't 100% into it. I've also seen a comment that said that rather than want to have mutually excited partner you should be humble and accept the gift that they give you when they agree (which again, seems freaking sick to me). It makes me so sad to see woman being okay with having sex for the sake of their partners and i just can't imagine enjoying it when you know your partner is just doing it because you want to and not from their own pleasure and desire for you. I don't know. I could never accept having sex for any reason rather than strong mutual desire. I know it might be different for asexuals but imo enthusiastic consent should be the goal people strive for and it's better when they need their partner's joy to stay turned on

I fully agree with you; only enthusiastic consent should go for sex, particularly for sex that is done for pleasure - there's some empathy that needs to be extended to couples trying for a child, for example, where many of us have heard how dull and routine intercourse can get when you're trying to conceive. But if it's about one person's pleasure, I... cannot imagine engaging with someone who doesn't want to be there. I can't put myself in the mindspace of someone who can still enjoy "sex" like that.

But this is personally very interesting to me, because I'm very much asexual, and I don't know if I'm capable of giving enthusiastic consent. Sex would very rarely, if ever, be my #1 thing I want to be doing, you could pretty much always give me a choice between a bar of chocolate and going down on someone and I'd choose the bar of chocolate. But I still do have sex, and... what exactly makes that different? I've painted pretty broad boundaries for what I want when it comes to sex, or rather, what I don't; for example, I don't want to be touched myself. I don't want to be naked and I don't want to be stimulated in explicitly sexual ways. (I do enjoy neck kisses, though.)

The thing is, though, I still do have fun having that sex that I do have, even if it isn't quite as fun as a bar of chocolate. Giving pleasure to my partner and watching them react to that, being able to learn their body and mess around and have a laugh over their pleasure, is amazing. So does that count as enthusiastic enough? What makes a person "enthusiastic?" Sex has a lot of downsides to me, and a lot of hard nopes that I don't want to deal with, particularly when it comes to my own body or to body realities like hygiene. Still to me it feels much the same way as giving a massage to someone I love - I don't think anybody exactly jumps for joy at the chance of giving a massage, especially if you contrast it with something like getting a massage, or eating cake, or going to the movies. It's a lot of work and it can take forever until the other person is relaxed and loose. But that doesn't mean that giving massages isn't fun, right? You can enjoy something without it being your favourite thing ever, because as it is, it can be deeply satisfying and offer you an opportunity to bond, even if you have to sacrifice from something you might rather want to be doing at that moment. Human relationships are all about compromise; doing what the other person wants, because you love them, and because next time, they'll put down something for you instead. Our likes and wants don't always fully meet, and this goes for sex as well.

So is that enthusiasm? Am I a massage-giving enthusiast? I wouldn't really describe myself that way, but I do give really good massages. I guess it depends a lot on the person, and on the circumstances. For example, in my relationship, I know there's no pressure on me to have sex. I know my partner would be just fine if there was never any sex whatsoever, and it's just a nice bonus if it does end up happening; this was established before we ever entered a relationship, I'm asexual and sex might not happen, or it might happen once and then never again because I might decide I just don't like any part of it at all. Luckily, I'm a very curious person, and I like to get into situations for the sake of the situations, so the latter scenario hasn't happened so far. I don't feel that I'm obliged to have sex, or fear that if I don't, I'll lose my relationship. I think that allows me to engage on my own terms, which, in all fairness, might make the consent that I do give "enthusiastic"; I choose the circumstance, and I know I can retreat if I don't feel like getting into it. I do it because it's fun and because I want to.

Undebateably though, the picture of dicking down someone who's just trying to watch a show, who is not engaging with the situation or enjoying it, absolutely sounds like using their body like an object for one's own pleasure. That, for all that it's worth, is not okay to me. Not ever. I would never want that done to me and the thought of doing it to someone makes me feel sick to my stomach.

[thesilversolution]

10 Tips To Jump Start Your Home Business

1. One of the first and best tips in jump-starting your home business, is to Get and Stay organized. This is absolutely essential if you are going to succeed with any kind of a home business. How can you expect to make sales or return follow up phone calls if you are constantly searching around for pieces of paper which are scattered all over your home or office? It may cost some money to purchase the proper folders and containers but it is essential that you invest in this.

2. Stay focused. When you are working on your business, work on your business. Refuse to allow other people and tasks to interfere with your work time.

3. Set Goals. It is amazing to me, how many people with a home business do not have goals. Not only must you set goals but they must be specific, with a deadline and written down. You also must read them daily and take action daily.

4. Create and stick to a budget. You cannot and must not spend too much finance right and left, here and there. You must know how much you need to keep your business going and you must be able to determine when you are able to spend more and when you are not.

5. Network with and develop relationships with other small or home business owners or those who are seeking to get out of the 9 to 5 rat race. This is important not only for the possibility of future sales and financial earnings, but you can support one another and offer ideas to one another.

6. Keep good records. This is essential for organizational purposes, so you can keep track of what your business started on and where your business is going. This also makes budgeting a lot easier.

7. Always be prepared to do business by caring some business cards, a pen and paper or an electronic organizer for taking down notes and any other catalogs or samples, as they pertain to your specific business with you at all times. You never know when an opportunity may arise.

8. Take time each day to read about and learn from those who have been successful. The inspiration and motivation you will gain will be priceless.

9. Journal daily and write down what you have accomplished, as well as what you would like to accomplish - your successes and your failures.

10. Realize that a successful home business takes time to accomplish and that if you continue to work on it and continue to take action, then you cannot fail. When you have decided to explore the stimulating world of a work from operating a home business, you will learn there are many potential benefits. Once you get over the risk and financial obstacles that come from home business operations, being your own boss is a rather rewarding and fulfilling accomplishment. Flexible hours, improved earnings potential, and better family opportunities are just some of the joys to look forward to. You may also decide whether or not to work part-time or full-time at any given moment.

In order to create a work from home business atmosphere, there are many different items and factors to consider before taking your work plans to the next level. Just like in any other structured work environment, companies and corporate ventures use an array of resources and tools to communicate with the outside world and clients. When you have decided to conduct your work from home business, you should have a separate space to handle day-to-day tasks. If you try to accomplish your job responsibilities at the dinner table or while lying in bed, distractions will most likely hinder your focus, as well as your progress. If you don't have any rooms that may serve as an office space, items like dividers, drapes, and partitions may create some work privacy. Another valuable asset to conduct your work from home business, would be a computer or laptop, where you can complete and save all of your progress. To make sure the growth of your home business is not affected by the capabilities of your computer, you should select equipment that possesses a high capacity for memory and speed. This is especially important if you intend to work with a lot of graphics and other types of images. In addition, communication between clients is highly increased when you have access to the Internet for online communications, like email for sending important information and documents to your prospects and clients.

Overall, your initial success in your financial endeavors all depends on your personal attitude and not letting outside influences deter you from your goals of operating your own business. It is always an important factor to keep your business space free from distractions, including negative or pessimistic people.  For information how you can start a highly-sought, genuine home business, simply visit: http://thesilversolution.net 

[bratz-kitten]

mars through the houses

mars in the 1st house: your confident, reckless and inconsiderate nature is due to your innate fear of being taken advantage of. you fear being seen as weak and like a victim that others can prey on. you’re very impulsive and energetic, not afraid of expressing yourself and pursuing what you want most in life. you want to show the world what you’re capable of and to impress others with your confidence. you want things done your way, you’re very independent. your sincerity and straightforward nature gives you a capability of hurting others and being hostile, it’s your job to choose not to. determined and unable to give up. you don’t even think twice before doing something dangerous; there’s this happy-go-lucky nature in you that makes it so that even when you get in trouble, things still work out your way because you believed they would. you react very quickly to obstacles and adverse situations/people trying to bring you down.

mars in the 2nd house: you’re very protective of both the people you love and your possessions. there’s an innate need for stability that you possess that has you being an impulsive buyer an hoarder, someone who needs to be careful with how much they’re spending – but it’s because you’re simply terrified of instability. you work hard to gain money and be able to spend as much as you want, but you should refrain from holding on to things too tightly. your value is not about how much money you make – remember that. even if you’re lucky when it comes to money, too much spending could cause havoc. inconsistency from the ones you love terrifies you. your values and strong opinions are very important to you, just like your independence and sensuality. others can be bothered by your possessiveness over them, with good reason; you should refrain from thinking you always know what’s best for them.

mars in the 3rd house: you’re very straightforward when it comes to expressing yourself and you’re not at all afraid of speaking about sensible issues, even when everyone around you is. you’re very outspoken and provocative, loving to expand other’s people’s perspectives and help open their narrow minds. you can be an overthinker to the point of losing yourself in your thoughts and paranoias. there’s a tendency for creating conflict through discussing with your friends and family, investing a lot of time in trivial arguments. easily annoyed and very knowledgeable, it’s like you have something to say about every subject. there’s a capability for being very harsh with your words; you have a sharp tongue. apologies are rare but when they happen, they’re very sincere. an intellectual through and through but you should be careful about being too analytical and experiencing mental trauma.

mars in the 4th house: you may have come from an abusive family in which you had to deal with a difficult childhood due to controlling, aggressive or downright abusive parents. either way, for the best or worst, your family problems affect you greatly. that manifests in either cutting ties with everything that connects you to your family or wanting to reproduce the dynamic in your present relationships to try and do it “right” this time. i’ve also noticed that there’s a fear underlying this placement of having children in fear of them going through the same things the native did. this placement also indicates coming from a dangerous neighbourhood. you have an immense emotional strength that helps you fight for what you want. you’re very protective but you also have a tendency to argue and antagonize others. avoid getting too stuck in the past. you’re a human manipulation detective, no one can lie to you. it’s a challenge for you to learn to deal with your anger and the past. you’re also very enthusiastic and active, and no matter whether you exercise or not, you tend to be very physically strong.

mars in the 5th house: you’re incredibly proud and competitive, making it so that you don’t accept failure. you have an explosive creative and destructive energy; you’re a natural risk-taker and gambler. active hobbies like playing sports would be very beneficial for these natives. you also tend to have a selfish nature. very sexual, love is a way for you to express yourself. sex is almost an animalistic drive. even if you don’t have a particularly high sex-drive, you have this need to be admired and respected by others due to your sexual prowess, which can be very toxic and make you have this complicated relationship with sex and how you want to express it vs how you think you should be expressing it. underlying fear about not being good enough, which explains your desire to win. very sentimental and with a huge need to live life to the fullest. hurried and chaotic energy. impulsive and your pursue of excitement and adrenaline might have you involved in many relationships.

mars in the 6th house: you have a very deep need of being of service to others, to the point of forgetting to put yourself first. you’re very dedicated to your passions and eager to work hard, with a lot of energy when it comes to work life, but be careful of overworking yourself to the point of a breakdown. you can also be very irritable when others are not working as hard as you or meeting your expectations; you should work on your teamwork skills, and to be more gentler with those around you and not let your violent nature get the best of you. you should also be more attentive of your health. very calculated and disciplined. you melt when being appreciated for your efforts. you make for a strict boss but an amazing friend. you tend to see the worst in people, though, being very attentive to their flaws that should somehow be fixed. it’s not like you have bad intentions, you just have a need for improvement, seeing the potential in everything you lay your eyes on.

mars in the 7th house: your need to be constantly stimulated can have you be intensely argumentative, especially with the ones who are closest to you. you can easily offend others and have a hard time compromising, which can drive people away and make teamwork prove to be a difficulty; that and the fact that you simply desire to lead. you love being in a relationship because it prompts you to be more active, but those relationships cam have a dynamic of restlessness to them due to the constant fighting. you have a lot of romantic energy, you just need to learn to channel it in a constructive way. very energetic and creative, with a love for being challenged and provoking others just for the fun of it. even if you can be careless of what others want and only focus on your needs, you still invest a lot of time and energy into your relationships; you’re very devoted, passionate and loyal. being more open-minded and learning to be a better listener would do you wonders.

mars in the 8th house: you both crave and fear intimacy. on one hand, you might be hypersexual and very assertive about your wants and needs; on the other hand, you fear letting anyone close to you for fear of them ending up betraying you. paranoias about being cheated on by your partner; you might hold on too much and too tight to people, needing to learn to let go of that need to control the ones you love. fear of opening up and being vulnerable, yet you wouldn’t stand others acting like that towards you. sexually magnetic. you seek intense manifestation and answers to your many questions about the dark side of life, unresolved traumas, the workings of the universe, etc. transformation occurs when you conquer your paranoias and fear of losing control, and it’s through that manifestation that your energy runs at its highest. moving on might prove to be very difficult when you’ve learned to identify with that part of your life as a part of your character. this placement focuses a lot on acting out your self-expression, which was something you didn’t get to do when you were younger.

mars in the 9th house: you’re very enthusiastic about intellectual pursuits and achieving your dreams. open-minded, and a lover of discussing your ideas with others. you hate it whenever someone tries to impose their beliefs on you, but there’s a tendency for you to do do exactly that to other people, due to thinking you’re always right. you love learning and travelling. you don’t care for social status, you care for enriching your mind. you might have a complicated relationship with higher-powers and the belief of god. there’s an innate need to search for and find the Absolute Truth, and these natives might either study about these matters like god or the universe with all the urgency in the world or be very afraid to explore them. either way, they feel very strongly, nearly fanatically, about the subject of god, the universe, philosophy. it’d do you well to understand that there isn’t an Absolute Truth and that everyone is allowed to have a different outlook and perspective on life because we all go through different things that change and mold our beliefs.

mars in the 10th house: you practically demand an exciting work dynamic + public image. you want to be recognised by your unwavering determination and passion in everything you do, your willingness to work hard and take the lead; you destroy every obstacle that comes your way. though, this assertive nature can make you come off as too aggressive, leaving others who aren’t as bold with a negative impression of you. spontaneous, independent and strong-willed; you’d hate to feel like there’s anyone or anything controlling you beside yourself. which is why you might hate destiny, you’re not fond of a higher-power being the one to make things happen and not yourself. you love obstacles and you literally feel bored when there’s nothing standing between your way and what you want; you like being challenged because you believe that that’s the way for you to push your limits and build resilience. conflicts with authority; you hate those in power due to their incompetence or corruption and want to fight to change the system. secretive and mysterious nature. strong instincts. you constantly seek answers, analyse others’ intentions and actions.

mars in the 11th house: unmatched bravery. you become a leader even without the intent of doing so, your passion and bravery inspiring all those around you. social issues, problems concerning your friends or humanity as a whole are when your aggressiveness comes hardest (seriously, don’t fuck with these people’s friends). very strong sense of right and wrong. however, your sense of justice is very personal, making it sometimes difficult for you to accept differences between people. your big dreams and determination to do what must be done causes frustration when dealing with the pessimism and restrictions of your current reality. you’re a rebel through and through. cunning and unpredictable. you’re willing to sacrifice yourself if it’s for what you’re fighting for. energised by the thought of joining the whole world together to fight for the same cause. an enjoyment of friendships with a competitive edge, you might have a rival who you actually really respect. natural problem-solver.

mars in the 12th house: your problems of unresolved feelings of rage are due to the complexes you used to feel in your family. you’re likely to have been physically abused and/or bullied in your childhood, which now shows in your fear of physical confrontation, fear of being physically weak. you internalize your anger, taking it out on yourself. explosive anger that may come off at unpredictable times. this placement also indicates insecurities and a fear of not achieving anything in life. prone to delusion like a distorted sense of reality/paranoias of your friends hating you. you might get lost on your fantasies as a form of escapism. now, i know this all sounds terrible: but if you’re able to work through your anger issues, take action instead of escaping through fantasies and work on developing self-love, the potential this placement has is enormous. because no matter how many times you get knocked down, you’ll rise stronger than ever. your strength is found within. courage that comes from emotional sensitivity. sexually magnetic + mysterious aura that draws others in.

[cherrysha]

Trust

hey ya’ll! Ive decided to answer asks in a new post, instead of continuing off of the asks. this is mostly because i answered like two seperate Uvo asks in one go. ALSO wanted to mention that i refer to the reader as ‘small’ in this one, and i by no means am small myself, its just that Uvo is 8 feet tall. Everyone is small to him, and everyone is capable of being manhandled by him. (also im going to use this gif of Uvo until the day i die)

@nav-chamberlain asked:

when you’re ready girl feel free to reply but nsfw scenario with uvo that has a breeding kink. y/n working her everyday tiring job as a babysitter/daycare worker & uvo being the kind himbo he is offers her a night out at the bar with them ending up drunk. y/n expresses her interest in possibly wanting a kid & uvo doesnt seem to decline. periodt.

@sug4r-ru5h asked:

hii!! i just found ur account and i really like ur writing🥺🥺maybe we could get some Uvo with a really twitchy reader after getting absolutely pounded??? im unsure if you write aftercare but if you do that'd be litty titty B)

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: Dubcon, drinking, breeding, overstimulation, a little blood, slight manipulation

“It’s not that I don’t want kids...I’m single, and younger.. ya know? I can’t think of trusting someone enough to have kids with them.” You pause, taking a sip of your drink before you whisper out a half hearted “if that makes sense.” Its not like you got to see your friend often, actually it was fairly uncommon to see him around. Whatever he did for a living, you still didn’t truly know, made him travel a lot. And you weren’t pressed on spending the majority of this evening debating about children. Uvo pushes the irritation simmering in his mind away. “You trust me, don’t you?” “That’s a dumb question Uvo” you finally peek up at his enormous figure, the scoff you had intended to let out, dying in your throat. Something Is brewing in his mind. He was never one to school his features, to hide the emotions he felt about truly anything. You're met with a glare, something akin to a smirk as well if it weren’t on Uvo’s menacing face. On him it looked more like a grimace “Then humor me.” His jaw is set tight as he lowers his head to speak directly into your ear “Do you trust me?” His lips brush against your neck, raising goosebumps in their wake and you can’t help the whimper that escapes you. This wasn't at all what you were expecting. You can’t help but to close your eyes and lean into his touch, and you can’t help but to acknowledge how warm his lips are when they finally press against your own. You know in part it’s the alcohol lowering your inhibitions and making you less inclined to think of the repercussions of kissing your long time friend. You know under normal circumstances you’d never be so brazen as to make out like a teenager in a packed bar full of scoundrels. But you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you don’t care. You want this. His hands snake around your waist, a low chuckle rumbling his chest at the startled way you jump when he finally pulls you onto his lap. “You gunna answer me sweetheart?” Uvo whispers into your ear, sending a shiver down your spine and you instinctively try to wrap your arms up to loop around his neck, pouting when you realize he’s far too tall As if reading your mind, he pulls you up further along the expanse of his chest until your arms can finally settle around his neck, grinning at your content smile. “I do, Uvo, you know that.” There’s a pause, a beat in which he uses the silence in his favor to pull back and ask “Hm.. do I?” with a wry smirk on his face. Of course, You nod ‘yes’ and you're rewarded with his nose brushing against the hollow of your throat, taking a deep inhale there before asking “what do I know?” The edge of the bar is digging into your back as Uvo presses himself around you. The smell of pine and a hint of his sweat all-encompassing until it feels like you’re breathing him in. Breathily, you answer him “I trust you Uv-“ Before you can finish his mouth is on yours again, nudging against yours so excitedly that your head is forced backwards. ”Good girl” its grunted out in between kisses, and in no time his tongue is invading your mouth, clouding your senses in a way that could never compare to the alcohol in your veins. When you let out a whine at his praise, at his hands, his mouth, his scent surrounding you, the bartender finally decides he’s had enough “Hey! Hate to break it to you both, but people are paying for drinks not a show” Uvo only growls, eyes still closed he parts from you to growl out a “Fuck off” before moving to place open mouthed kisses along your jaw. “C-can we leave, Uvo? ” its whisper quiet, but he still understand the message loud and clear. “Sure, doll.” He smiles, easily lifting you up as he rises to leave.

--

How easily he could break you. Hurt you in ways that are unthinkable, but the concept of that alone shakes him to his very core. He’s wanted this for so long, has had to deal with a deep ache in his chest at even the mere thought of you being so far away from him when he’d gone on missions with the troupe. When he rips your bottoms off, all you manage to do is whine and shyly try to cover yourself underneath him. With a gruff “stop” he pushes your hands to the side to finally see what he’s wanted for so long. You beneath him, desperate for him and him alone. His smile is almost manic as his hands roam your body. Uvos never had to have patience, has always taken what he wanted regardless of anything else. But your lust filled gaze, your body so warm underneath his wide palms is enough proof that this was worth waiting for. And god, does he want to take his time with you. Wants to taste and savor every little moan you give to him, but he’s a man on a mission. So, he hopes that he’s worked you up enough at the bar and the way back to make this go smoothly. with little effort he flips you onto your stomach, grabbing harshly at your hips before lining himself up and slowly pushing in. Soft and tight, he fucks into you like it’s his duty. Hips coming to slam against your ass with so much vigor, if it weren’t for his hands gripping your soft flesh he would’ve pounded you into the mattress a long time ago.

He lets out a low growl as he pictures you swollen, your hands rubbing over your pregnant stomach, it isn’t a want at this point. It’s a desperate need that punches the air out of his lungs with every mental image. Uvo lets out a groan as he takes time to truly think about it, to savor the idea of claiming you, even if it isn’t something you truly wanted. Even if it was never your intention to be with him, this rough coupling only sourced from your lowered inhibitions due to the alcohol. He pictures you being filled by someone other than him. Someone claiming you for the rest of your life when it was obvious that you belonged to him. The thought alone so maddening that he almost doesn’t hear the high-pitched yip that you let out. His grip on you had become a little too strong, a little too painful. Cooing, Uvo wraps an arm around your middle, slowing his pace down a bit as his other hand comes to pull you to his chest by your throat. Your body knocks against him a little harder than he intended, but the mewl that you reward him with at the change in position is enough to clear his mind from any troubled thoughts. It’s delicious, the sweat that beads down the column of your throat, so enticing that Uvo has half a mind to bite down. His only distraction being the little soft sighs and whimpers and chants of his name falling from your lips as he rubs against that spot inside of you. Its unintentional, the onslaught of stimulation he so dutifully sends you with every sharp press of his body to yours. His cock so big that he has no choice but to rub against every part of you. To fill you so completely that you can only think of him. “You trust me?” he asks again, teeth nipping the soft skin of your neck. He was trying to hold back, truly he was, but the prospect of marking up what was rightfully his was becoming a little too enticing. You release a series of whines, too fucked out to even begin to form a proper sentence. Uvo laughs at that. Something carefree and gentle, unlike the way he’s still holding you to his chest by the tight grip on your throat. “C’mon little one,” he urges, free hand coming down to settle on your clit. “Tell me you trust me so I can give you what you want, hm?” And with the words numbly falling from your spit slick lips Uvo gives in to the urge to breed your sopping pussy completely. To fuck and fill and keep until the day he fucking dies. With a euphoric laugh his hips once again move against you, your cries falling on deaf ears at the brutal new pace he’s set for you. Its dizzying, maddening, so fucking disorienting you don’t comprehend the sound of your own voice as the orgasm that rips from your body catches in your throat. You thrash against his iron hold, eyes rolled into the back of your skull as Uvo’s pace doesn’t falter. “You cryin for me sweetheart?” he asks incredulously. Surely you couldn’t be overwhelmed after cumming just once, right? In all honesty, he doesn’t know, but he hushes you with a kiss to the forehead, grunting out an “It’s alright” before slowly maneuvering your body down to the bed again, strong hands ensnaring your waist and holding your pliant body against his hips. Too tired to even pretend to hold yourself up any longer, he takes joy in the knowledge that this fuck will be the one that binds you to him forever. It should be downright infuriating how quickly he cums just after you. His hips stutter of their own accord, hulking body dropping to cover yours completely, he finally gives in to the urge to sink his teeth down. Your body jolts, a cry falling from your lips as Uvo mars the flesh of your shoulder, drawing blood that mixes with his spit to form a pink hue that drips down onto the bedsheets. Its enough to make his entire body tense in pleasure, wave after wave of pure bliss rocking through him as he releases inside of you. If he wasn't so drunk off of the feeling, he’d probably chuckle at the way your little body squirms beneath him, as if trying to simultaneously get away from the feeling and scoot your weakened form closer. But he can't. all he can do is focus on not crushing you as he ever so gently rolls onto his side, making sure to keep himself pressed snugly inside of you. His hand idly travels down your side, lost in the feeling of your soft skin underneath his coarse palm. The contrast is enough to make you shiver, whining his name as he gently fondles the plump flesh of your ass. Its enough to remind you of his cock still buried deep within you, its girth the only thing holding back the fluids that surely aren’t supposed to be inside. You try to scoot away, a slurred “Gotta clean up” ungracefully leaving your mouth, but Uvo doesn’t allow it. His arm is still wrapped snugly around your middle, and there’s no give as you try to wriggle out of his hold. he offers no reasoning, just a gruff “lay back down.” And you do. You do because the heat of his body curled around you is too enticing. The feeling of his lips pressed softly against the top of your head, and the even breaths that escape his throat are, ultimately, too comforting to leave. With a sigh you listen, relaxing into Uvo’s warm chest even further.

[mfkinanaa]

ARIES RISING.

Born with Aries on your Ascendant (or Rising), you are likely to approach life in a straight-forward and direct manner.

Aries is a physical and dynamic energy.

Accordingly, you are likely to love a challenge, enjoy being busy and will generally move toward your goals without delay.

Unless there are other more passive qualities in your chart, you are likely to be a self-starter with plenty of ‘get up and go’.

Your gift is the ability to initiate, take charge and pioneer.

Independent by nature, and self-reliant in many ways, your challenge is to maintain patience, and when necessary find ways to collaborate with others.

A Dynamic Approach.

Aries rising implies you will bring an enthusiastic, dynamic and fun-loving approach to most new things. You are likely to be capable and energetic, prefer a high degree of autonomy, and need to feel as if you are in charge of your own affairs.

You have strong mental energies and may love to debate, argue or “butt heads”. Pushing the envelope is fun for you. You may need to learn not to take on challenges purely for their own sake. Eventually, you will discover how to incorporate qualities such as diplomacy and tact as you realize ambitions.

Again, how easily this happens will depend greatly upon the rest of your chart.

In family matters, you may be inclined toward self-sacrifice, willing to undergo hardship and sacrifice for the sake of those you love. With Mars ruling your Ascendant, you can project at times a competitive edge. You can attract attention to yourself, and will project maximum influence when getting new things off the ground.

Others will see you as capable, but possibly brash. Accordingly, you would do well to think about how you are expressing this dynamism. Are you foolishly jumping in, or are you simply taking charge?

Taking Charge.

To live the full potential of your Ascendant, you need to become decisive and take action. How able you are to do this will depend upon other factors in your chart. Qualities such as courage, strength and self-assertion may need to be developed if you are to meet the challenges that life presents.

Not all of you will rush headfirst into new projects, but it is important that you have a degree of autonomy in at least one major are of your life. On the flip side, you should take care not to isolate yourself in a drama of your own making. Independence is a far cry from being alone.

On The Move.

It is also important to recognize your need to expend physical energy, without expecting the same from others. Exercise and lots of activity will help keep your nervous system functioning well. Inactivity can lead to moodiness and emotional overwhelm.

You will find yourself feeling dull or flat if your energies have nowhere to go, and so you are bets off making sure you enough happening to keep you mentally engage and physically occupied.

Starting Early.

Self-reliance is often learnt early in childhood. You may have developed this through spending a lot of time alone for some reason. Periods of isolation are needed to establish the independent, courageous qualities mentioned above. Often, there are difficulties with parents, especially the parent of the same sex, because this sign encourages you to assert your independence and chart your own path.

Aries rising children are often noisy, rambunctious and enthusiastic. Yet, despite these challenges, cheerfulness and a willingness to engage with others is also usually present.

It is highly likely that you will experience some difficulty early in life around expressing your independence, either through overshooting the mark with too forthright an approach, or feeling afraid to go it alone. However, this will diminish in time, as you gain greater awareness around how to use the primal, powerful and assertive energy of Aries to its best.

TAURUS RISING.

Born with Taurus on your Ascendant (or Rising) you are likely to prefer the slow and steady approach to life.

Taurus is a practical and conservative sign.

Wherever possible, you will feel better if moving forward in a methodical, systematic way.

Unless there are other more impulsive qualities in your chart, you are likely to be pragmatic and cautious.

This sign is not known for its’ love of change and so, you may tend to avoid trying anything new until you absolutely must.

You will seek comfort over risk.

Therefore life is best approached as a series of steps to be taken one by one, with plenty of rest stops along the way.

Constancy.

You are likely to be fairly consistent in your views, and may be considered fixed in values – either around material needs (possessions), or emotional concerns (the things you hold dear). You may be set around ideas for the future and what you feel you need to do to get there. On the one hand, this can make you reliable and focussed. On the other, it can mean you stubbornly resist anything that does not meet preconceived ideas.

Resistance can be an issue. The famed Taurean stubbornness means you are unlikely to budge. You can hold on to a situation, state of mind, or object for far too long, just to prove a point. In this case, learning when to be constant and hold on to something versus when to let go is paramount. You need comfort and security but you also need to ensure you do not to become too rigid, with a one-track view of how life will unfold. 

Peace and Love.

Taurus Rising often gives a kind, graceful and gentle disposition. You are likely to be peace-loving, easygoing and therefore well-liked. Gardening, cooking, beauty, art, dance or music may appeal to you. Taurus is a very aesthetic sign. You are naturally drawn to comfort, security and harmony wherever possible. 

Sensuality.

You are also likely to be sensually-oriented and respond strongly to bodily impulses. This quality should be cultivated and refined. Enjoying your senses without becoming gluttonous is key. You may have a tendency to enjoy food, wine and relaxation, as well as sexual activity, whenever possible.

Yet too much of a good thing is worse than none at all. Your ability to enjoy the good things in life will decrease if taken to excess. Ill health can ensue as a direct consequence of over indulgence.

As a lover, you may need lots of stimulation and activity, yet may not be good at instigating change. Accordingly, it is important to have a partner who can match your sexual appetite. Open sexual expression is a key to emotional balance, and very important with Taurus rising. Celebrating your body is essential for a balanced sense of self-worth.

Holding On.

There may also be tendencies toward jealousy and possessiveness within relationships that need to be curbed. Understanding the destructive side of your emotional nature is needed. Problems in relationship are often signs that your life has become too rigid, and that it is time to free yourself from a rut.

The irony here is that you are probably drawn to people who seem intense and catalytic, and they may bring many disruptions into your life. This serves the purpose of forcing you into emotional upheavals, which stimulates the need for growth. Your normal state is likely to be placid, but you may become surprisingly enraged when provoked too far.

In addition, there may be a tendency toward laziness or indolence. Usually, Taurus rising prefers an easy, and at times plodding, approach to life. This can be problematic when your preferred pace does not really match the situation at hand, or when those you share your life with need you to react with more urgency.

Letting Go.

Comfort, stability and security may have been important early childhood experiences. The need to create wealth, secure your financial interests and acquire goods may have been strongly ingrained by your family. This can lead to an overly materialistic focus, and subsequent fear of loss. You may be require to undergo lessons around letting go, to learn that true stability is a quality you build within. Your overall task is to maintain security, whilst moving with the times.

The Gift of Taurus Rising.

All in all, the Taurus Ascendant often lends a graceful and stable element to the personality. You are likely to be pragmatic and grounded in your approach to new experiences. Others are likely to find you attractive in a variety of ways, and generally easy to be around. Your gift is the ability to enjoy the pleasures of life, whilst approaching each step of your journey in a realistic way.

GEMINI RISING.

Born with Gemini on your Ascendant (or Rising), you are likely to approach life with a genuine sense of inquisitiveness.

You are gifted with a natural sense of curiosity and desire to understand how people or things work.

This Ascendant is primarily concerned with finding connections.

You may have a knack for communication, or a developed capacity to find associations between different points of view.

By nature, you are likely to be versatile and adaptable, with multiple interests and the ability to fit in with whatever life throws your way.

Often fast-talking, you are usually interested in other people, which is a great social asset.

You are likely to be gifted with a sharp mind and ability to talk about a wide range of things.

Communication and Connection.

For you, communication is key. It is important to maintain avenues of exchange within your environment, so that you can stay involved and “in the know”. In order to achieve this, you should invest time and effort into your social life. At your best you demonstrate both clarity and objectivity, able to disperse information without any emotional confusion to cloud the facts.

You can also be very dexterous, and work well with your hands. Ruled by Mercury, you may be noted for your quick movements, wit, youthful looks and slender body.

Naturally Quick.

You may be impatient with the slowness of others. In many ways you require stimulation. In turn, you are prepared to stimulate others, which will make you lively and fun, but may lead to some exaggeration in social settings. You may fear boredom, and so will avoid anything that makes you feel trapped.

You may also have a propensity for nervous tension and may need to learn to slow down and focus more.

This Ascendant can deepen your sense of restlessness if the rest of your chart is Air or Fire, but suits well those of you with a predominant Earth or Water temperament.

If mostly Air, you may be overly cerebral, and so inclined to lose touch with your body or your feelings. In this case you will have to slow down long enough to listen to what your emotions are telling you.

If Fire, you may be too impulsive, and have trouble settling down. Again, slowing down before you react will help.

Variety Required.

You need many varied experiences and interests to feel alive. Life is full of many tantalizing possibilities. You are likely to prefer alternatives, and need the freedom to move around, interacting with a variety of people, ideas and things. Yet, in some ways, this can become your biggest liability.

You may become too divergent in your pursuits, and in the end become a Jack or Jill of all trades, but master of none. You may have difficulty in committing to any one path, and scatter yourself in pursuit of endless change.

Yet at some stage, you will need to accept the necessity of commitment. Through focus, you come to experience the deeper satisfaction of integrated knowledge, from which comes meaning. Finding a purpose in your varied experiences becomes the secret to experiencing inner satisfaction and a steady life path. The position of the Sun in your chart will give clues as to how this is best done.

Learning From Others.

You are likely to seek partners who can broaden your horizons. Through partnerships, you gain a broader perspective as well as the inspiration needed to get the best from life. You are likely to be generous and broadminded, wishing to see them become the best that they can be. After all, the more experiences they can bring to your life, the more engaged you will be.

The Gift of Gemini Rising.

All in all, you are likely to be gracious, socially aware and adaptable. Your broad range of interests can make you unusually capable, and you can achieve many things through your gifts of wit and charm. Others can teach you the value of focussed attention by developing an idea. Success comes from honing your skills through focussing your varied interests, using them to highlight innate strengths and capabilities as you continue to learn along the way.

[demivampirew]

The interview

Smut one shot

Summary: Henry is doing an interview with Variety and things happen in the meantime.

Triggers: Smut; blowjob.

Requested by @kitty-blades​

Tag list: @lunedelorient​​ @henrythickcavill​ @wolvesandhoundshowltogether​ @mary-ann84​ @desperate-and-broken​ @peakygroupie​ @summersong69​ @ivvitm1109​ @madbaddic7ed​ @seb-owns-these-tatas​

Two days earlier: - Are you serious? Did you really have not had sex in a public place? You?- you asked your boyfriend - Of course not. It's uncomfortable. There's not privacy and things don't happen as naturally as they should. I prefer to do those things in private. Besides, that's not a pretty Superman thing to do.- Henry explained shrugging. You rolled your eyes in a sign of annoyment. - Oh, Henners. You're way too vanilla for this word.- you replied sitting on his lap.- You realized that you're on the position thousands of guys would love to be? You're super hot, nice, you have a British accent, you're famous and you haven't taken advantage of any of that.- you laughed - I think that's a good thing, isn't it? I don't think that taking advantage of your position is a good thing to do. - Using your power over others to get what you want against the other people's desires is a bad thing; to make some fantasies come true with people that are more than willing to do them with you is a completely different thing. Like, you never had a threesome... I bet you have had plenty of offers by thirsty women to go to bed with you.- you prompted and he smirked as an affirmation to your suggestion.- See, I knew it. - Ok. You're right.-he agreed - You agree with me that you should have accepted those proposals?- you questioned - Nope. I agree with you in the fact that I'm vanilla.- he corrected you with a huge smile.- Sued me if you want, but I'm the man who only wants to be with his lady and only her and save all the passion for her.- he informed you as he played with your ear, biting it softly. The warmth of his breath hitting your ear made you shiver. You laughed as a reflection from the tingles.

Now:

- Wasn't this place supposed to have better wifi?- you asked raising an eyebrow. - It does.- Henry replied smirking. - Maybe in a parallel universe.- you argued and he laughed. - Well, is better than the one in the house. - I'd like to disagree with that statement. Just say that you wanted to get out of the house because confinement was making you insane.- you reproached him with a devilishly smirk. - Ok, maybe.- he shrugged. - It feels so silent without Kal.- you left your furry bear baby in the care of the guy that took care of the Zeus and Hector before going to that place for Henry's interview with Variety because he didn't trust you and Kal to keep quiet. You were always playing with the puppy he'd bark a lot and that wasn't the ideal environment for an interview. Henry was finishing setting up the app for the interview. You looked at him. You loved to see him work his way around the computer. The fact that that giant muscular guy, who was also extremely good looking, talented and sweet as sugar, could also be a big geek and intelligent blew your mind every time. And whenever you thought about, you'd get aroused. You checked beforehand the view from the app perspective, making sure that later you'd not be caught on camera. You kneeled before your boyfriend, unzipping his pants. - What are you doing?- he questioned laughing nervously. - I was bored, so I'm doing the only fun thing I can think of.- you replied. - The interview is about to start- he warned blushing as you took his cock out of his briefs. - So? You are an actor...you can cry when they asked you too but cannot act cool while being blown? - you laughed and lick his member, making him moan at the instant contact of your tongue with his member. You were sweetly stroking him with your lips and tongue when the interview started. You had to admit that was impressive how cool he was acting but you were feeling naughty, so decided to push thing a little bit. When the journalist started to talk about a gym-related thing, you started to go deep on him, losing your breath as his manhood reached the limits of your throat. Tears drop from your eyes. You held your breath and battled the waves of nausea as much as you could, before slowly taking it off and then continued to lick the downside of his big throbbing cock, from the base to the tip, back and forward. You heard him talk about the show and the books. He'd gesture a lot with his hands while talking and then put it them on your head, stroking your hair. How come some people criticise his acting habilities when, not only he was great on his roles, but he was a pro at acting like nothing was going on, while you were sucking the juices out of him. His member was hard as a rock and warm as well. You sucked the head of it while stroking the rest with both of your hands, stimulating it. You'd look up to see his face. There were a few sings he showed of his enjoyment: he'd lick his lips and swallow every now and then. His skin was glowing because he was sweating, which made you giggle in silence. You started to take him all in once more, and as you were trying to fit his impressive cock inside your mouth and throat, you heard him say "we speak each other's language and so he knew exactly what I wanted to do with the scene, I knew exactly what he was capable of and he knew that he could push me, and so he pushed and pushed and pushed to the absolute limit..." and you avoid to chuckled intending to avoid making any sounds. Was he trying to order you to take him all in, covering his petition under an inoffensive story about a coworker? Well, if that was the case you were not about to disappoint him. As you were recovering for another long breathless moment, you heard him talk about his ex-girlfriend. Was he for real? How could he mention Lucy while you were blowing him? You knew the context and he was that nice guy who talks wonder of people, but the timing was key. He needed to learn when was and when it was not ok to talk about a former lover. As a lesson, you grabbed the foreskin with your teeth, stretching it up and bitting it a bit. You knew that that'd hurt, but he always loved that. Your plan was not to cause him pain but to make it harder for him to keep a straight face. And he'd also have to hear you go about how he should not bring an ex into a conversation when he's getting a blowjob or any other sexual situation. You held the tip of his dick on your mouth, sucking it as hard as you could, with stroking it with your hands. Fortunately, the interviewer was talking loud enough to mask any possible sounds. If it wasn't for the fact that you weren't technically alone and that thousands of people would watch that talk later, you would have burst into laughter at the face he put as he came inside your mouth. You could hear the guy ask Henry a question about working out for movies when the moment happen, just when he was supposed to answer. He was lucky that he was a cute dork and nobody would suspect anything because he was used to putting weird faces while being interviewed. You made sure to take every last drop of the juice his body produced, before putting in inside his briefs and zipping his pants. You crawled your way out of under the table and went for a soda in the fridge that was in the next room of that place. Shortly, your boyfriend entered the small kitchen, pressing you against the wall, kissing you with a burning passion. - You're a bad, bad girl.- he reapproached you with a smirk while kissing your neck. - And you're an ass.- you said frowning and pouting. - What happened?- he questioned confused. He was clueless. - Lucy is great. She's the best... blah blah blah.- you misquoted with a sarcastic tone. - I thought you liked her.- he replied and you wanted to throw the soda on his face. - I don't even know her. I'm ok with you working with her and all. What I'm not is delighted to hear you mention her all the time, especially when I'm giving you one hell of a blowjob.- you exclaimed. - I'm so sorry, babygirl.- he said, kissing you softly on the cheek and then in your neck.- Let me make it up to you.- he begged as he got on his knees, taking your panties off and putting his head inside your summer dress, and soon enough, eating you out.

[sunbeams-and-honey]

hi im new to astrology and i just wanted to know what does it mean/how it affects me and my future if i have sun, mercury, venus all in gemini 10th house, moon in aquarius 6th house, virgo rising and also pisces mars in 6th house. thank youuu.

Hi darling! Thanks for the question.

Your combination of a Gemini Sun and an Aquarius Moon makes you a very captivating person. You're someone who can definitely trust in your intuition and you also benefit from a witty foresight. You are absolutely capable of improving yourself and making positive changes for yourself. You're intellectually energetic, which means that you can go on for ages with any activity involving your mind, such as writing or solving puzzles. You have a deep need to express your individuality as much as you can, as well as being stimulated at all times. You are more or less terrified of being bored. You are so busy so much of the time that boredom seems to affect you more intensely as you're not used to staying still and relaxing. You really enjoy and benefit from finding new ways of looking at and thinking about something, and also from establishing connections between different things. It's really satisfying for you when something finally clicks in your mind.

Your Sun is in the 10th House, which means that you work hard in order to achieve your goals and to also reach a certain status. You are excited by the idea of having power, but make sure that this desire does not make you cruel. You might want to be famous at some point in your life but you want to live an honourable and dignified life while doing so. That being said, you may be prone to getting into scandals if you're not careful. You want to be in charge where possible and you aren't afraid of the responsibility that comes with it. If you were to be put into a position of leadership then you'd know exactly what you'd be getting into. You're very determined to make a name for yourself and to be a good role model to others. You're likely to have a good reputation.

You have your Moon in the 6th House, which makes you someone who is obsessed with being healthy and organised at all times. A lot of your emotional satisfaction and stability depends on how hard you work, which can be a problem if you don't work as hard as you think you should. You have to understand that you have limits and you're allowed to relax without having to work for it. You are caring and emotional, and very empathetic. You get very stressed when you can't be of any help to anyone else. You may be prone to have physical pain when going through emotional distress or pain. You tend to feel very energetic and alive when there is nothing worrying you and when everything is going your way.

Your Gemini Mercury means you have great social skills. You are charming and eloquent in your speech. You are a quick thinker decision-maker. You always have something interesting to say so people always want to talk to you. You may find that you're the one carrying the conversation a lot of the time. You have the tendency to exaggerate sometimes. People are fascinated by your intelligence and knowledge. You know a bit about everything. You're constantly thinking about more than one thing at a time and because of this, you can forget about very important things every now and then, such as birthdays or anniversaries.

Your Mercury is in the 10th House, which makes you very good at solving problems under pressure. You're not one to back down from a challenge just because everyone else does. In your personal life, there will be a huge emphasis on self-improvement and general achievements. You highly value your goals in life and you are a natural communicator and public speaker. Even if you're shy, you have a great way with words, which leave a huge and lasting impact on those around you. You're very articulate. Your career is very important to you. You don't see it as merely a job, it's something with which you put effort into and care about.

You have your Venus in Gemini, which means you are very talkative and witty, especially when with your friends. You are very skilled with your words. You may love deep and complex subjects such as philosophy and once you find someone who shares this appreciation, then there will be no one stopping you from discussing it at all hours of the day and night. You are skilled with mediating conflicts and settling arguments before they become too big and destructive, and this is largely down to your persuasive skills. You need someone who appreciates and, to an extent, shares your intelligence and thirst for knowledge. You are very transformative, most likely going through many important changes throughout your life.

Your 10th House Venus makes you someone who wants to make a valuable contribution to the world. You want to change things for the better and will do everything in your power to make that happen. You want to make the world a brighter place too, spreading love and positivity wherever you go. You'll probably make a good career out of one of your hobbies. You might be the type of person to have an Etsy shop. You like being the centre of attention because you want to be appreciated for the things you have done. Some people can see you as pretentious because you want the nicer things in life and because you surround yourself with influential people. They don't realise though that you do this to keep as many doors open as possible when it comes to opportunities.

All of this means you have a Gemini stellium, which means you really embody Gemini qualities, more so than your average Gemini Sun. You are quick to both crack a joke and to put the pieces together and solve a problem. You are probably the life of the party. You have a great ability to relate to anyone, which is something that really helps other people. You may find that others often turn to you for comfort and support because they feel seen and heard by you. People can struggle to keep up with you at times albeit entertained by the stories you have to tell. You always have something interesting to say.

This also means you have a 10th House stellium, which makes you someone who loves their independence. You're not one to typically listen to authority figures unless you absolutely must. You might benefit from working for yourself one day rather than for somebody else. You are ambitious and not one to mess around once you get down to something. You may have had some kind of issues with a parent, or someone you viewed as a parental figure, at some point in your life. You know the best path to success, and are hellbent on staying on that path.

I've already gone over what it's like to have a Virgo Rising! You can find the post here.

Your Mars is in Pisces means that you are the kind of person to fight for your dreams. You are a walking contradiction, both sensitive and powerful, though perhaps it is your sensitivity itself that makes you powerful. You prefer to go with the flow rather than planning for the future or being in control. You want and expect things in your life to just happen naturally. Even if you are a hardworking person, you don't expect all your hard work to just go to waste. You want to get something from it. This can make you confident enough to go after your goals and dreams, but it can also lead you to getting easily disappointed.

You have your Mars in the 6th House, which makes you someone who is prepared to work incredibly hard for your dreams and goals. You love helping other people, but you have to watch out for people who use this kindness of yours and exploit it. Remember you can say no. You are productive, efficient, and almost always ready to work. You rarely ever seem to get tired so you do run the risk of burning out because you work so hard. You have the tendency to become impatient and irritable when other people do things in a different way to you. You have an amazing capacity to pick yourself up after failure or mistakes.

Words Of Advice:

Learn to relax more, maybe even meditate!

You need to learn how to balance your work life and your personal life.

Try to depend less on validation from others.

Maybe choose an area to specialise in rather than knowing a bit about everything and not properly committing to something.

Be more open to new experiences.

You don't need to take on every single challenge thrown at you.

Try changing your ways of doing things every now and then.

Remember to slow down every now and then.

You don't have to be working 24/7.

Pay more attention to your friendships.

Be mindful of who you spill your secrets to.

Try to keep your expectations realistic.

Thanks for the question darling and I hope this helped! Sending good vibes your way and have a wonderful rest of your day!

[rianzodiac]

A thank you to the signs

[thank you for all being so freaking legendary]

Aries

Aries, yous are some of the most head strong people alive, but that is you strength and why you are so admirable. Aries make the change in the world. You are assertive in your beliefs and you may not always be right, but you will always, without fail, fight for what you think is right which is what makes you truly heroic. Your charismatic personality makes you likeable and your excitable, carefree character is contagious ensuring that people always feel great around you. Your ambition and drive is heartwarming, never stop trying, the world will surely end when yous Aries give up.

Taurus

Yous are truly the fuzzy blankets of astrology: soft, comforting, reliable and everyone should have one in their lives! You guys are the warm hugs we all need when life gets tough. You are genuine and are not afraid to tell us how it is, but you won’t be mean about it, you’ll tell us what we need to hear and still be there to mop up our tears after. You are the definition of a loyal friend; you will be by our sides even as we walk through hell, just so we can fight the demons together. I would like to say a thank you to the sign we all need to hug back every once in a while.

Gemini

Geminis, yous are the life of the party, the popular, witty, outgoing icons we all love - and for good reason. Your electric personalities are enticing and addictive, you draw countless people in but your real power lies in making them stay. As soon as people have you as a friend, they hold on and never let go. You are the ray of sunshine we all need on our darkest days. You know that you may not be able to solve all of our problems and so you resort to the next best thing - distracting us and reminding us that life is for living. You reignite the love and happiness many lose in their hearts through your humour and joy of making others laugh. But there’s another, more hidden side to you, you are smart and curious of the world around you. You never stop wondering about the places and people that surround which is why you lead such stimulating conversations. Never stop educating us and making us happy, we needs you more than we ever let on.

Cancer

Not everyone can be so in touch with their emotions, only the brave have the power to do that and you manage to do it with such grace and beauty. Never let them tell you that you’re too dramatic, showing emotion is the bravest thing many of us are too scared to do. Your openness with your emotions fools many into believing you are weak, but never will they make that mistake again as you are one of the most fiercely loyal and protective friends with the kindest hearts. You know what it’s like to be hurt and never want others to suffer that way. Your experience with emotions enables you to pick up on others; trust your intuition, it serves you reliably. And along with your humble and optimistic attitude to life, you make some of the most loving people to ever walk the earth.

Leo

Leo’s are the ones you notice as soon as they walk in a room, your liveliness and contagious high energy is a huge reason so many love you and crave your vibe. Never underestimate your influence as you have the ability to change the atmosphere of a room just with your presence. Your passion for what you love is admirable and your bravery when facing the world makes you one of the most inspiring signs of whom we could all learn a lesson from. They say you’re confident and you have every right to be, stay strong our powerful little lions.

Virgo

Virgos, you strive for an excellence that many never thought possible. Your complete faith in what can be accomplished enables you to emerge victorious in anything you set your mind to. Your work ethic is motivational, whenever you do something, you fully commit to it which is why the rest of us know we can always rely on you. Your organisational skill are enviable and that’s why you’re probably known as the parent of the group, you are on point at planning group days out. Your forward thinking is why many of the gestures you make, even if you don’t think they are, are incredibly thoughtful and appreciated more than you will ever know. So thank you Virgos because without you, we’d never get anything done and our lives would be filled with a lot less surprises.

Libra

Libras, yous are the sign that can get along with anyone. Your adverse reaction to conflict is perhaps what makes you so lovable and why everyone enjoys to be around you. You’re always tactful and diplomatic which highlights your immense strength as not everyone can contain themselves as well as you, especially when faced with tension. You are the sign that is a friend to all and makes sure no one is left alone. Never mistake your easy going and peaceful manner for being submissive for your ability to thrive with all is what makes your character so powerful. You play such a vital role in the world, you are the glue that holds so many relationships, families and friendships together, and don’t you forget it. We all turn to you when we need a friend we can trust so thanks for being there.

Scorpio

Hello the fearless warriors of the zodiac. The absolute determination and perseverance you have when approaching anything and everything is a testament to your power as you really can do anything you set your mind to. You’re clever and that gives you the skill set to complete any goal and challenges that come your way. You come off as mysterious, use that to your advantage, everyone loves a good mystery. Just as you are powerful and strong, you are also selfless and caring, you always seem to put others before you. Your life is full of altruistic acts, and as much as we always admit it sometimes, we love you for it.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius, you are the spark that never dulls. You teach us all to approach life with a true ‘go get it’ attitude and you will never lead a boring life because of it. Your wild but friendly nature makes you so much fun to be around. You are the friends to take us out on a late night expedition to the beach just for the fun of it. Your truthfulness is also greatly appreciated and your judgment is trusted fully. You are the friends who push us out of our comfort zone and change us and make us great. Thank you Sagittarius’ for being the best, most fun and courageous and wild, version of ourselves.

Capricorn

Capricorn’s are the workers. You are the people who have already or will achieve greatness in the world. You’re ambitious which allows you to set high goals for yourself and that, mixed with your discipline, often sees these plans set into motion. The practical side of you knows your capabilities and what is possible which makes you an effective leader as you have found the perfect balance of promoting hard work but whilst not overwhelming others with pressure; that along with your charismatic way with people makes you rather persuasive, you hold more influence that you believe. You do tend to place high standards for yourself to live up to, but you needn’t, your hard working and diligent nature enables you to achieve success because of who you are. Maybe you don’t realise how extraordinary you are - you are capable of completing tremendous feats, we see it everyday, it’s time you did too.

Aquarius

You’re the people that get people thinking. Whether it be your new look, your new view on a topic or your interactions with others - people will be left with you on their mind for a while. Your courage to be who you really are in a world that isn’t always accepting is admirable. You remind us that we should never have to live up to anyone’s expectations but our own. Your mind works both creatively but also analytically which means anything you create has a deeper meaning and any solution you have come up with is innovative and ‘out of the box’. Though typically considered ‘lone wolves’, you serve people with the purest spirit and care about mankind more than we deserve. Thanks for being the hand to pull us up.

Pisces

Pisces. You remind the world what it is to dream, to create, to love without expectation or applause or recognition. You teach us to express our truest self in a world where that can be frowned upon. You’re wise beyond your years and seem to be born with knowledge of people. Your compassion to everyone you meet reflects your pure, selfless spirit. Your gentle nature reminds everyone that it’s okay to be soft every once in a while but the utter bravery embedded in everything you do inspires us to be tough also. Pisces, you sometimes are a walking contradiction, but of the best sort, you are the soft fur of the wolf but also the forbidding warning of the teeth. Pisces, you teach the world that’s it’s okay not to know entirely who you are, but to express who you feel you are, so please Pisces continue to create, to inspire, to live for us all to follow in your footsteps.

[fanfictiondreamscape]

The Ouran Academy Deviant

Request: if not already requested...May I request Bad Reputation for Haruhi from Ohshc x Female reader? 

Title: The Ouran Academy Deviant

Genre: songfic~, a lil comedic (just a little bit - if you squint you might see it), and slightly romantic. still very floofy tho, WOO. 

Pairing: Haruhi Fujioka x Fem! Reader

Notes: The influx of Ouran requests that have flown in is making me melt, seriously. Dead fandoms are really becoming my primary writing topics now, aren’t they? Either way, I love this request and feel like this could go in so many new directions that mimic total bbe - and the pairing just makes everything feel so much more powerful. Like, Haruhi and a total troublemaker? YES. 

This is extremely long, as well, so prepare to read something that is (arguably) longer than anything else in this vein that I have written. 

Also, I felt like this would work amazingly in one-shot form, and I took some slight liberties. That being said, proceed with caution. The only thing I would warn you about is vulgar language! 

Below the cut! 

Haruhi Fujioka and (L/n) (Y/n), the odd couple of Ouran Academy. One is a scholarship student, in a club, with a clean track record. She comes off as kind, intelligent, respectable to the utmost level - especially so for dealing with things in the particular way that she does. 

(Y/n), on the other hand? She skips school, could care less about her grades, and decides to forego the uniform whenever she does go to school. She sneaks off to do very unladylike things, comes off as incredibly intimidating, and appears to be someone rewarded by fear rather than respect.

The two could not be more different, but the one thing that drove them together was simple: Tamaki. 

(Y/n)’s older cousin was the one that dragged her to school that day, he was the one that introduced her to the club after a tiring day at school that consisted of her slacking off in class and skipping in the academy bathrooms, he was the one that provided an easy form of detention for her when she got penalized by the staff. 

During the time that she was cleaning and helping in club duties, she had run into Haruhi in her work, and despite what she had said, Haruhi still helped her. “I don’t give a damn, you’re a host aren’t you? Go woo some chicks over on those couches.”

Normally, that would’ve been the end of things. Which makes the next events more shocking.

...

Tamaki had noticed his cousin and his newly-appointed apprentice working together, and in their battle of wits and capabilities, he also picked up on their chemistry. From then on, he was driven to make the two a couple. Though, his methods are extremely unconventional.

One random day, he had invited (Y/n) to his mansion, dragged her to his bedroom and shared a talk with her. She had initially come off as disinterested, but his attitude made her open a bit more. 

“Sooo, my dearest cousin, I have a proposition for you!” he had declared. (Y/n)’s interest was peaked, but a part of her advised her to avoid asking. That side lost to her curiousity.

“And what may that be, because if it so happens to be one of your over-the-top plans to try and get me to drag my ass to school I’m leaving.” Tamaki played the dramatics before getting to the point. 

“Oh, dear (Y/n), it is nothing of the sort. It is a resolution to a problem of yours, though.” 

The (h/c) raised an eyebrow, leaning in and nodding. “Go on.” 

The blonde let a small smirk settle on his face, and when he had announced his idea to her, she jumped up and was already on her way to leave the room. 

“Wait, wait, wait! Hear me out, please!” She paused, took in a deep breath and rolled her eyes before allowing herself to continue speaking. (Y/n) didn’t need this amount of annoyance before she left to wreak more havoc, but she also didn’t want to send the only person that cared enough to help her to his emo corner. 

“What if I say yes to this? What’s the catch gonna be? I’m not jumping from Class-C to Class-A just so you can play the part of the savior.”

“Well, first of all: you wouldn’t be bored. You have already shown that you are highly intelligent, you just need the proper amount of stimulation. You can get there!” She paused, then nodded, and gestured for Tamaki to continue. “Second of all: you need something to do during school other than vandalize the alley walls and bathroom stalls. You’re extremely pretty, and-”

“And I’m going.”

“Wait! Let me finish, I promise that you won’t absolutely hate it,” he pleaded. (Y/n) was still hesitant to go along with his plan, but again - don’t want to send the only person that cared enough to help her to his emo corner. 

“Fine, but make it quick.”

Cue the sparkling eyes. 

“Thank you! Anyway, I think you should join the Host Club. We can open it up to girls that want to appeal, and this would make your record look better for the future! After all, you want to succeed, right?” 

With a sigh, (Y/n) walked back to the bed and sat down. She had to debate the idea - she did want to do well following high school, and she did know that the way she was going halfway through the year wouldn’t be good for doing just that. Tamaki was right to advise her of this, but she didn’t want any obligations tying her down for the rest of her high school career. 

Tamaki was bouncing on the balls of his feet as he watched his rough-and-tumble cousin run the benefits and drawbacks in her head. His lips were pursed and his hands were drawn to his chest tightly, gripped with anticipation. 

“I’ll think about it. You are right, I’ll give you that, but the likelihood that things would be that easy right now is low,” she answered calmly. She had a tone of seriousness as she spoke, and it was laced with fear. 

He had heard the way that she went about her response, and while he was admittedly a little disappointed that she wasn’t jumping for joy at his idea, he also knew that she didn’t work like that and didn’t intend to work like that. This was the best possible scenario for an answer that he could get, and that thought excited him. 

“You won’t regret it, I promise! Let me know after you think it through, I can get you prepared and set quickly!” (Y/n) nodded hesitantly, and then got up to leave. 

“I’m gonna leave, but I have a lot to think about, now...” she paused, a small flurry of red crossing over her face at the thought of what she was about to say next. ‘Thanks’ wasn’t a word in her dictionary, but now? It may have to be. 

“...Thanks, Tamaki.” 

His head darted up at her figure as he leapt up with joy and hugged her tightly. He had also lifted her up and managed to spin her around before she kicked him in the shin and got dropped. When Tamaki hit the floor gripping his leg, she was already walking down the hall and alerting the maids of her departure. 

...

Now, she sat in Class-A in her second year. The twins were sat behind her and didn’t bother trying to prank her, no one in class was brave enough to stand up to her or correct her when she exhibited some unladylike behavior in class, and some guys that were deemed crazy by the school populace attended the host club to chat with the new ‘Wild’ type. (Following Mori and Honey-senpai’s graduation, of course) 

(Sad boi hours-) 

She was surprisingly popular according to the polls that Kyoya had taken, and when taking this into consideration, she became the go-to for information from the club’s king himself. 

Despite Tamaki’s initial intentions, though, she had only become more quiet and focused on causing more harm outside of school hours. 

On multiple occasions, she had gone to the bathrooms and decided to tag the windows with an ‘X’ after covering them in black paint. She had also gone outside to rearrange what she could in the garden after blocking any cameras that would pick up her actions. 

Safe to say, she still maintained the reputation that she had achieved in her first year attending. 

Her antics were also upped by a new friendship with the twins. She had begun to teach them ways around the school and new ideas for pranks, some that would push the school regulations harshly, and joined them in their endeavors to terrorize certain students that would do certain things to them or someone they cared about. 

Otherwise, Tamaki was happy to see another facet of his plan come alive - Haruhi and (Y/n). The two were beginning to get along very well, very quick. It seemed as if the new year and new experiences lit a fire under the (h/c)’s ass, and she had begun to talk more. At least, to people she knew wouldn’t wimp out due to her words and actions. 

The change had made the blonde leap out of happiness, the observation that his most treasured cousin was beginning to grow up and become a better person - at a slow pace, but still, there’s improvement. 

“(Y/n), you’ve got some customers waiting for you,” Kyoya informed her, making said female groan in frustration. 

“They only come here to try and get into my pants, and they still think I’m gonna give those sleaze-bags a chance after the fuck-ton amount of times I’ve told them off.” She stood up despite her statement, brushing off her black skirt and pulling her tie down just the slightest to make herself presentable. “Whatever, I know you’re gonna crucify me if I don’t do it - money, after all.”

A smirk settled on Kyoya’s face as he watched her reluctance. “Of course, dear. Don’t want to keep those undergarment-chasers waiting, do we?” (Y/n) rolled her eyes. “If they try anything, leave and let someone know, of course.”

She chuckled at the taller male, “Of course, Ootori. I’m not dumb, I could easily put them in their place.”

The two shared a look before the female seated herself on the assigned couch. 

...

The year was passing by quickly, and as her popularity rose, Haruhi’s attention to her became more evident. (Y/n), admittedly wasn’t oblivious to the attention that she was being provided, but she was oblivious to the attention she was providing.

Now, the two sat next to each other in the cafeteria and talked about whatever was on their mind (at least, they did this when (Y/n) decided to show up to eat there instead of setting up pranks for the staff members). The two were showing an immense amount of attraction to the other, yet they wouldn’t come to the realization that they were crushing on each other. 

Even the Ouran Host Club graduates could pick up on the two’s liking to the other, despite not seeing them as often as they may have liked. When they did pop in, they tried to push the two together more often with the help of Tamaki himself and the twins. The whole of the club was in on a plan to get them together, sooner or later. 

Sadly, that would have to wait for the group as (Y/n) had started to revert back into skipping habits not long after her and Haruhi had developed a close bond.

Though the school had pressed for the person that decided to skip school at least once a week (which was still an improvement from the three days minimum that she’d jump for previously), they still failed to punish her severely due to Tamaki’s pleading and cover-ups. 

She was running thin, and frankly, her snark to other students was becoming more apparent. She had begun to let off more expletives than usual at anyone that pissed her off in the hallways, and would run to the bathrooms with no real explanation before planting herself in the nearest stall for the next class period.

This was starting to annoy staff, and Tamaki was walking an extremely tight rope due to it, but he was determined to help his cousin. He would stop at nothing to get her back to the person she was growing to be. 

One day, a Thursday, (Y/n) had run off to the bathrooms yet again. This time, school had ended, and while he knew that this would be a brash decision for someone so self-proclaimed gentlemanly, he ran into the girl’s bathroom to tlak to her. 

His footsteps weren’t the most silent, but he doubted she could hear him over the amount of mumbling she doing in the first stall. 

“This isn’t really happening, you’re just imagining this. You just like them as a friend.”

Bingo. 

“(Y/n)-chan?”

“The fuck- Tamaki? What the hell are you doing in the women’s restroom?”

The two left the area after letting Kyoya know that he and (Y/n) wouldn’t be attending to the club for a while. Despite his initial annoyance, Tamaki reassured him that it was something extremely important. 

They had decided to walk around campus for a while, mostly in silence as he waited for her to talk. He knew better than to press her on topics such as this, especially at times like these. 

“I’m worried.”

Tamaki’s violet eyes reflected worry, his brows furrowed in concern for (Y/n). “About what? You’ve gotten so much better, and you’ve told me that you like it. So, what’s worrying you?”

She sighed and gestured to the garden nearby with her head. Her eyes were silently pleading, acting as a way to indicate that she wanted to sit down. Whether that was out of fear for her emotions or Tamaki’s he was unaware, but he followed her outside and seated himself on the bench that had been laid before the lavender plants and roses. 

“It’s...it’s Haruhi.” The girl paused, took a  breath, and continued yet again. “I don’t know what...what I’m feeling for her..”

With a comforting hand resting on her shoulder, he spoke quietly. “What do you mean by that? You both enjoy each other’s company, from what she had said and you have shown. It isn’t contempt, is it?”

“No! No, it’s not that, it’s just...I think...I think I like her.”

Tamaki practically lit up at the statement. “You do? I swear, she does too, she’s just really oblivious. I can get you two together, but-”

“Tamaki, I appreciate the offer, but I know she doesn’t like people like me. Haruhi doesn’t like people that can’t keep the word ‘fuck’ out of their vocabulary for five seconds. She doesn’t like people that refuse to maintain a reputation that’s squeaky clean and extremely fucking poised. Worse yet, I know that even if she does like me, her reputation would be ruined by my shitty one - and that’s simply by default!” 

Tamaki remained silent as she continued, his hand still resting on her shoulder as his raised arm fell to his side slowly. He leaned in to listen to what she had to say closer. “I don’t want to drag her into my bullshit, otherwise I would’ve said something already! She just - ugh - she deserves someone that isn’t so nasty.”

As she let her face settle into her cupped hands, he sighed. Some thinking had to do the job, because she had been making such good progress and she was gaining more proper respect because of it. 

He knew she wouldn’t care otherwise, as she liked getting into trouble and basking in the adrenaline rush that came with the things that she did, but Haruhi had to remain well-mannered or else she’d be gone from the academy. 

Then it hit him. 

“How about this? You go home and think over this for the day, take a few days off from the club, and get some rest.” (Y/n) was listening attentively, wishing for something good to come from her cousin’s words. “Of course, you’d still have to attend school, but you could sneak some stuff in during break - you didn’t hear that from me.”

The female chuckled a little at his words, but she gestured for him to continue. “We were planning to have a ball soon, and Mori and Honey-senpai will be attending as prized guests. You can join us in hosting, but if you want to to, you can leave early.

“We want you to be as comfortable as you possibly can, after all - that, and.... Well, I know you and Haruhi like each other. I’m going to do whatever I can to make this happen.”

(Y/n) paused, seemingly frozen for a good second, before she leaped out of her seat and started smacking his shoulder. “What the fuck, Tamaki? You know that I don’t want that, she’ll be ruined! Anyway, she doesn’t like me! Seriously, how the hell do I handle you sometimes?”

Laughter left the male’s mouth as she slowed down, eventually letting her screaming cease in favor of a similar giggle. A gleeful smile gradually formed on her face, and the two finished their small sessions of laughter with panting. 

“My god, Tamaki, you are one crazy asshole, aren’t you?” she inquired playfully, breaths peeking between the words as she regained her breath from her sudden actions. 

In an abrupt action, Tamaki’s dramatic abilities came into play, feigning a face of horror as he uttered loudly. “That was extremely unladylike - you’re lucky I haven’t called for daddy!” 

The (h/c) gagged before grabbing what she had of her things and flicking him. “Let’s go; I need to go home, and you need to go back to the host club.” The taller blonde dropped his act and followed suit. 

As they left, a shorter figure stood by for a while after. A small brunette stood huddled tightly in formation to hide behind a pillar, having listened to the conversation that the two had shared. 

The amount of vulgarities that lined (Y/n)’s speech was a little shocking, but that didn’t phase Haruhi as much as what the content of it did. ‘She...likes me? I never noticed, I just...wow.... Is this why she’s been going through my head so much?’

She smiled hopefully, making sure to run back to the host club before Kyoya had added anything more to her already over-the-top debts. 

...

A few weeks had passed by now. More havoc was seen around the school from a week prior, all by (Y/n)’s doing, and the host club was back and full for the first time in a while. 

The week was prefaced with the aforementioned female sitting behind a curtain doing whatever she needed to do while listening in on any and all meetings that the group shared. Her grades were the highest they’d ever been - something that both scared and calmed the teachers - and she had been saving time for after school to do anything that was particularly crazy. The best part of all of this was that she had not only been able to begin attending classes again, but that she had also begun to think.

Thinking about things helped her out now, and she managed to get away with many more annoying things before jumping the stealthy gun and going absolutely crazy with her pranks. It also helped her out with her emotions, and she had realized something very important. 

Especially so since the ball that Tamaki had proposed they held was to be this weekend. 

(Y/n) had been debating on what to do for the coming event, but eventually settled for her tendency to wing it for stuff like this. She had an idea of what she wanted to do, but things change and she wasn’t down to make any specific plans for the day. 

Otherwise, there was something that she was heavily torn on. Her feelings towards the androgynous brunette host were getting harder to contain, the twins were starting to see the effects that had come with it, and they were holding a prank over her head if she were to avoid telling her soon. (Granted, they weren’t aware that she knew, but she had ways of getting information out of people - intimidation tactics definitely work.)

She wanted to yell them to Haruhi if that’s the last thing she did, but two turnouts hit her square in the face. What if she said no? Well, then she would be devastated, and considering that this is the first person that she has actually cared as much about (romantically, of course), she’d be worried. If that were to happen, would she push herself further into herself? Would she lose the progress she’d be getting? Maybe she’d permanently jeopardize her chances at a future?

On the other hand, what would happen if Haruhi said yes? Would she run away and claim that is was false, or would she stand by and be at a loss for words? What about Haruhi’s reputation? Normally, (Y/n) would be preaching and standing by her status as a deviant at the high end establishment, but this? This was different, and she knew this - it was inevitable that her reputation would follow Haruhi and ruin the already somewhat tainted one that she already had. Privileged prissy students were already something to tip-toe around for the beautiful and wealthy, but a poor scholarship student was bound to face more detrimental consequences by the student body. 

The whole scenario was leaving the collected girl in an extremely confused mindset, and it was starting to peek out to anyone that was able to see that her notes had little doodles hidden in the lines of the topic notes. She knew how to hide it, but Tamaki - the normally oblivious prince - had been the person to see the coded messages in her notes when he was helping her with her work for a project. 

The fear that was hitting her due to this was harsh, much more so than normal. For once, she was truthfully scared - she didn’t like it. 

Haruhi, on the other hand, noticed her improving after the chat she had eavesdropped on a bit ago. She also, for once, noticed that (Y/n) had become a bit more interested in what she was doing, sometimes even trying things that she normally wouldn’t try. 

From time to time, Haruhi would throw out a random idea for a prank that she had wanted to see as a joke, and it would have come up on the campus courtyard within the week. It flattered her, and seeing as she knew that (Y/n) was one to prank and cause trouble wherever, whenever, and for whatever? It made her flustered, frankly. 

With the ball coming up soon, too, she was determined to relax for the night, hopefully with the (h/c) beside her. No fear, nothing, just an image of her and her continually-developing crush standing beside each other under the stars - cheesy imaging, sure, but she enjoyed the thought.

They both had opposing stances on the event, though, and that was what Tamaki had caught onto first. He had seen the glances that had seemingly become more representative of longing, and he wasn’t going to do it. He had a plan, and he’d be damned if it didn’t work. 

...

“Ready, men?”

“Yes, sir!” 

“Are the decorations in the room prepped?”

“Yes, sir!”

“How about the music?”

“Ready!”

“Great, now the scenery. Balcony completed?”

“You got it, boss!”

“Amazing! Now, boys, let’s go cater to some girls, hmm?”

The gaggle of hosts had gather together earlier than others, already coming prepared and dressed, excited for the formal evening. A plan was looming over their heads as well, and they were driven to get it completed to perfection.

The subjects? Haruhi and (Y/n), of course! 

The two were unaware, courtesy of strict regulations regarding the scheme, and a new relationship was most definitely going to be formed later in the night. For benefit of both, privately, but they had to get the ship to sail. 

While the boys were meeting, (Y/n) was at home going through her closet. Big fancy ballgowns were never up her alley despite the many times that her parents had tried to force her to wear them, but they had given up after she would wear them with some ‘improper’ shoes or switch the dress out for a button-down and formal pants. 

She had run through all of the gowns in the front of the closet before reaching the back, finding where she hid all of her favorite formal clothing. It mainly consisted of options that people around her would normally trash her for, but she had persisted in her action to wear it. 

There was a plethora of short dresses that she found comfortable, even some lighter colored ones that she would typically gag at and hide away from. There was a section strictly reserved for dress pants and shirts, and some ties were set up beside them on a shelf. There was even some shoes that she would wear for formality purposes if they were absolutely necessary (read: for future privilege purposes). 

What stood out to her in her search of what to wear, though, was a silky (f/c) dress, complete with a small back lacing detail and a low-cut neckline. A pair of tights with a lacey pattern in black, a simple choker, and some sensible combat boots would tie the whole look together - might as well dress up to dress up and dress to impress while she’s at it. 

She reached the garments, grabbing what she could fit in her hands and leaving said closet in choice of getting dressed. 

Haruhi was being cornered by the twins and dragged to a room near the club room where there was a wide collection of clothing to choose from while (Y/n) had the benefit of taking her sweet time. 

Hikaru had tossed a dress that he had presented to her on a mannequin (which proved that the garment would be extremely skimpy), as did Kaoru, but Mori and Tamaki were quick to jump in and remove her from the dresses and to a changing room. She was promptly handed a dapper suit and told to get ready. 

(Y/n) had slipped the (somewhat) formal wear on, making sure that everything fell just right. It didn’t take long until she had called for someone to help her with her hair as she had little intention to wear makeup, and if she were to, it’d be very little. 

A servant of the family had slipped into the room and started to brush through her hair, and decided to curl it just the slightest. It fell to frame her features perfectly, and as the servant left and she did some light makeup, a smile started to spread across her face. 

For once, a formal event left her excited. Whether that was her suppression of the fear from the day before or a weird way to redirect it, she didn’t know, but she enjoyed the feeling. The fact that the thought was leaving her excited also drove her to fluff her hair a little bit before grabbing her cell phone and her bag. 

As she was on her way out of her room, she stopped and looked in the mirror. With her hair done, some makeup on, and a dress that usually would skip over unless she had a good reason - she paused. She stood stock-still and looked over herself in the mirror, seemingly glancing over a girl who she didn’t recognize. 

It was so different than her typical baggy t-shirt and torn jeans, so much so that she couldn’t believe that it was actually her reflection. She looked...pretty, for once, not grunge-y and dark. It brought more confidence to her as she texted Tamaki that she was on her way to the school. 

She got into the limo that he had sent for her, and she was on track for the academy. 

Haruhi had been getting prepped at the academy, courtesy of the host club. Kyoya and Tamaki were making sure that the decor of the ballroom was up to par, the twins were waiting beside the hairstylist and makeup artist they had hired for her, and Mori and Honey were greeting and making conversation with the females that had decided to attend the event.

Annoyance was a familiar expression on her face as she had tools prodding at it and people pulling her hair in what was supposedly called ‘styling’. She was willing to put up with it for the night, though, if it meant that (Y/n) would be able to see her. 

She didn’t know how this would have hit her, but she was finished not long after a knock was heard on the door. She was already full with an odd mixture of fear and excitement, but when she saw the (h/c) female walk in, her jaw almost refused to leave the floor. If it weren’t for Hikaru, it most certainly would have stayed there. 

Tamaki had rushed into the room, got a view of his little cousin all dolled up, and ran to hug her tightly. The air left her lungs for a second, but that was prevented due to Mori pulling him off her. A small ‘thanks’ was uttered before she was pushed towards Haruhi. 

The image in front of her held the same power that she had to Haruhi. She, the troublemaker who refused to keep her mouth shut, was left speechless. Her hair was done in a refined manner, her face held some light touch-ups, and the suit that she donned was making her features appear more clean and sharp. 

“Wow, you look...you look gorgeous, (Y/n).”

“I could say the same to you, Haruhi.”

The whole of the hosts watched on in intrigue, waiting for someone to say something more, but that was interrupted in favor of discussion. After all, each of them had to uphold a specific image for the night, and if that was a failure to up hold, well...beware the wrath of an annoyed Kyoya and an angered Tamaki. 

 It took around fifteen minutes to make sure everything was covered accurately and thoroughly, and the club was left to the night. 

They made an announcement, presenting the festivities of the night and the reward for the best dancer. Similarly to the previous year, the winner would receive a kiss from Tamaki, and the night would go on. 

Everything had begun with extravagance, catering was going on and handling the plethora of attendees with quick succession. (Y/n) had the pleasure of witnessing Haruhi go googly-eyed at the mention of fancy tuna for the umpteenth time, busting out laughing at the image of her holding a plate in one hand and a fork in the other, stuffing the food in gleefully.

In contrast to Haruhi, (Y/n)’s interest was peaked by the amount of shenanigans that she could pull overnight. The doors were open to the club, and if there were rooms left out and were lacking anyone inside them, that meant that those were primary times to pull pranks. She had already snuck out of the ballroom to a supply closet to create chaos in a staff room nearby. Haruhi had watched her run off and enact her plan, refusing to stop her in favor of watching the glowing glee that radiated from her as she did so. 

Everything that had been happening was being monitored by Tamaki, and alongside Kyoya, the twins, Mori, and Honey-senpai; they were almost ready to push the big plan into action. 

Operation (Ship/name) was to be put into action in T-minus ten minutes.

The night had continued to pass by happily, and around the start of the competition, Hikaru and Kaoru had dragged (Y/n) and Haruhi off (respectively) into different hallways. They had to interrupt their conversations, but everything was just starting. 

While Kyoya had been initially keeping an eye of the plan, he had requested that Mori and Honey stand by the twins while the competition was being done. Tamaki was stood beside him and had provided specific action for the duo as before they took their leave. Thankfully, a majority of the attendees were caught up in the night, and failed to notice the group of hosts leaving. 

As the twins had brought the respective person to an assigned room, they had made sure that the lights were kept off for a bit longer. The subjects of the plan were left to wander around the room in the dark, eventually finding themselves by bumping into the other. 

When the quartet had heard the sound, they had made a quick job in turning the ceiling-rigged lights on. This left the two under an indoor view of sparkling lights that mimicked that of stars, making the two realize that something had been planned. (Y/n) had remained staring at the ceiling lights while Haruhi was left staring at the floor, only then letting the situation hit her. 

The two of them had remained in their own little worlds as Mori had let the curtain blocking balcony open, leaving moonlight to creep into the impeccably decorated interior and allow it to glow under the night sky. Everything seemed too surreal to be generally close to reality, but the setting provided a sense of pride and comfort for the (h/c) female, which then led her to make a brash decision.

“Hey, uh, Haruhi?”

The said brunette lifted her head from the tiled floor to make eye contact with her, and the view that met her sight left her breathless for the hundredth time that night. The glow from the moon let her features pop, almost made her appear to be glittering, and she couldn’t form any coherent thought for a second. 

Eventually, something did come to her head, but it took an extra prod from aforementioned female to do so. “Uh, yeah? What is it?”

“Well, I...”

The hidden group had stood behind in a dark corner, watching the scene before them unfold. Honey-senpai had a hand pressed against his mouth as he gripped Usa-chan tightly, Mori maintaining his stoic face despite his eyes, and the twins gracing michevious grins. Tamaki and Kyoya had left to ‘deliberate’ on the winner, but they were watching with interest from a corner opposite to that of the other four - Tamaki had his own han dclosed around his mouth so no squeals of joy could be heard in the quiet room.

“I, uh...I like...you.” 

Haruhi’s eyes widened at her shy declaration. She had known the girl for a while, but she had never expected this to be how she handled something like this. Normally, she’d jump right in and shout the claim, not beat around it and stutter. This shocked her, and before she could utter a response, (Y/n) had spoken again.

“Listen, I know you may not like me, or you do - whatever. I just needed to get this off my chest, and if your answer is no, don’t be afraid to tell me.” She came off as bold, but one look in her eyes would tell even the most unaware being on planet Earth that she was truly terrified of the answer. 

“(Y/n), I like you, too.” 

It took everything in the viewing crowd’s power to keep themselves from shouting praises and congratulations at the two females. 

(Y/n) lips twitched upwards, forming the largest smile anyone of the group had seen on her face. It didn’t match the usual mischief that it normally did, nor did it seem like she was hiding something; for once, it looked like a real smile from a place of happiness rather than benefit. “Really? Great, I just feel the need to warn you of something before you say anything else, if you even decide to do so.”

Haruhi’s interest in the statement was brought to the speaker’s attention as she continued, “I get that I have a bad rep, and that what comes out of my mouth could rival that of a sailor. And, despite that, I’d normally jump at the chance to ask you out, but...”

The crowd of hosts watched on in anticipation, both worried and hopeful that thei rnew declared OTP would hop onboard the ship and allow it to sail. 

“I just want you to have a good time here, and I don’t want any of my fuck-ups to reflect on you. People here are vicious, and you’re already in the vein of students that get shit on. I should be the only one to deal with any stupid fucking repercussions from my own bullshit, and I don’t want to pull you into it. Now that I’ve told you that, you can tell me if you’d-”

The interruption was very sudden, and the way that it was done left even the hosts shocked. Haruhi had pulled (Y/n) to her and kissed her, preventing her from continuing her worried rant. A few seconds had passed before the magical moment ended.

The both of them were left breathless following the contact, and Haruhi’s next words brought joy to the (h/c)’s face. “I don’t give a damn about your reputation, all I know is that I like you and would like to date you.”

Tamaki had watched on in calm glee, the scene giving him a sense of joy that he hasn’t felt in a while. Seeing his troubled sister come out of her previous stump so strong made him so proud, and brought a new sense of pride to him along with it. She has truly shown that she has changed for the better while maintaining her typical attitude towards that world. 

“Thank fuck! Okay, now that that’s done, you wanna dance with me, your newfound girlfriend?”

“But there’s no music, (Y/n),” Haruhi chuckled out. A gentle smile sat on her lips as she spoke. 

“You think I give a damn? We don’t need any music to dance, y’know.”

Music had started to play from the background, cued by Tamaki pressing play on the radio remote. Speakers blasted a gentle slow song, and though the girls were now made freshly aware of the said blonde’s actions, they decided to forego any ounce of annoyance in favor of each other’s arms around the other’s waist. 

The slight squeak of (Y/n)’s boots and the slight shuffle of Haruhi’s suit was comforting the to whole of the club. 

Before long, the two had ended their short dance, allowing the six men that stood watching from the corners to reveal their presence. They had made it clear that they were only doing this to make sure everything went smoothly for the both of them, but before their short spiel could be completed, (Y/n) ran and jumped onto her cousin’s torso. If Tamaki’s hug left her breathless, her hug left him completely dead. 

The group had left the girls together in the room while they had decided on the winner in another room, and when they were done, they had gone to gather the girls for the announcement. 

Once the winner was crowned and the night had regained any sense of energy that it had lost, the new couple had made their way to the dance floor. The spectacle of two members of the club dancing together had left some of the attending students speechless, but the two remained unbothered as they had waltzed around the floor gracefully. 

Some people had watched on in awe at the two, never stepping in to stop them. Some of the viewers also gushed at the image, presumably falling victim to the ship that they had shown over the span of the year to this point. 

Once the end of the song was coming to the climax, (Y/n) had returned the kiss that was given to her by Haruhi earlier in the middle of the floor. The onlookers’ jaws had hit the floor as they continued to get into the action, the twins watching the scene while trying to suppress their laughter at the expressions of the people around them.

When (Y/n) pulled away from the lip-lock, she laughed at the incredulous expression that rested on Haruhi’s face before flicking her shoulder. “You little-” 

“Oh, trust me, baby - I already know.”

The crowd had let the moment pass somewhat, and the night continued along well. As the night was ending, though, some people had shot dirty looks at the two. This, of course, prompted (Y/n) to flip them the bird and a formal ‘Fuck you’ as they exited the building. 

“Was that really called for (Y/n)?” Haruhi asked in amusement, watching as she shrugged her shoulders. 

“A girl can do what she wants to do, and that’s what I’m gonna do.”

The remainder of the night was left to the club, Kyoya directing the staff to clean whatever mess there was the other five males were left to their own devices. The girls had left the commotion in favor of the starlit room, leaning against the balcony and watching the clouds in the slightly-chilly night sky move in formation. 

As they had been throwing out suggestinos as to what shape they were forming as they moved, Haruhi proposed another question for the (h/c) beside her. “What about your reputation? Wouldn’t dating a scholarship student ruin that for you?”

(Y/n) paused, did a double-take to her and the ledge she was leaning on, and spoke up. “Please don’t tell me that you’re asking the same damn thing I did earlier? I already have a bad rep, and I frankly don’t care about it.”

“But, it might make it worse-”

“I don’t give a damn ‘bout my bad reputation, and I would highly appreciate it if you would refrain from claiming that you would be detrimental to it. I taint my reputation, nobody else.” 

“Fine, fine....”

[ohblushes]

protective Jonny preview???🥺

(this isn't the protective jonny part, i just wanted to write it)

Jonny has Anakin Skywalker's legs wrapped around his waist. Fuck if he's ever going to get enough of this scent; he would happily spend the rest of his days here, taking in the faint thrum of warmth in the back of his mind that grows stronger ever day.

Anakin groans, and then he says, "I'm messing up your costume."

"Huh?" 

"I'm messing up your costume, man," Patrick says.

"Don't call me 'man' when we're making out," Jonny says, but it's muffled by the column of Patrick's throat. He lays a soft kiss at the corner of Patrick's jaw, and Patrick melts again. He resettles his arms over Jonny's shoulders and tips his head in request; and Jonny gives him what he wants, kisses him long and deep, reminds him all over again that he doesn't have to pretend, he doesn't have to put on a front, he doesn't have to act like Jonny doesn't matters as much to him as he does. It works. That frisson in Jonny's mind that means Patrick melts open, too.

"Do we have to go?" Patrick mumbles. He tilts his head back to give Jonny better access to his throat.

"Mmf," Jonny says.

"I guess I was the one who said we should," Patrick concludes. Jonny bites down, and Patrick's skull thunks against the wall. Jonny pauses, but Patrick doesn't seem hurt, so he hefts Patrick up, gets his arm under Patrick's ass, and starts trying to figure out how to undo Patrick's weird Jedi top… thing. There's a robe around here somewhere, but Jonny had managed to strip that layer off before Patrick climbed him.

Jonny is reluctantly willing to admit that he wants to go to Duncs' Halloween party, too. Duncs had promised it would be a kid-friendly party, and, more reassuringly, Seabs had promised it would be a kid-friendly party. They weren't planning on staying long, since Jack had a strict bedtime and Patrick and Jonny were usually passed out by eight-thirty, but the adults of the family hadn't been anywhere that wasn't home, a hotel, or a hockey arena in what felt like years.

Jonny couldn't exactly complain, though. Home and the UC were his favorite places to be, in that order; he was less fond of hotels, but they did offer one advantage, which was the freedom to fuck Patrick up against a wall without having to worry that Jack might wake up and need attention.

Which is, of course, what happens. There's a sound from the baby monitor, and they both freeze; it doesn't resolve into crying, but the burbles definitely mean that Jack is awake, and the clicking of dog nails on hardwood means Bunny's sitting by the crip to watch over him. Jonny lets Patrick slide down his front and settles him back on his own feet. His head falls forward until his forehead thumps on Jonny's sternum, and Jonny reaches up and cups the back of his neck. After a moment, he twists his head and pulls back, and Jonny catches the corner of a dimple and a wry smile. Patrick's frustrated that their time's being interrupted, impatient to get through the evening and steal some time for themselves, amused at his own excitement to get out of the house, and-- despite the frustration--elated that the interruption comes in the form of their baby. Jonny gets it; Patrick doesn't have to say anything.

"Should we go wrestle him into his costume?" Jonny asks.

Patrick straightens Jonny's white crop top and pats his bare abs. "Yeah," he says. "C'mon, let's go see if Luke Skywalker needs a diaper change." 

-

(this is the protective jonny part!)

Jack's reaction to Halloween is hilarious. He'd gotten scared of Jonny's wig, so they'd left that at home, but he loves Patrick's plastic lightsaber, and seems fascinated with the texture of Patrick's Jedi robe. He isn't sure of what to make of everyone else's costumes, but his wide-eyed staring keeps giving way to laughter, which is Patrick's favorite sound in the entire world.

The other hilarious part of the evening is that people keep making Star Wars jokes, and most of them fly right over Jonny's head. Patrick had wanted to go as Anakin, and Jonny had wanted a couples' costume, which meant he was now wandering around in a skintight white costume with a bare midriff. He doesn't actually need the bare midriff, but Patrick had felt pretty okay about not telling him that. Jonny's not self-conscious about any part of his body - in fact, Patrick's pretty sure the only reason that he wears underwear around the house is that they now have a kid - and Patrick is perfectly willing to take advantage of it.

They trade off holding Jack and eating, although Jonny takes point in fending off people who ask to hold him. The team and their spouses all know that Jack, although a friendly baby, doesn't want to be held by anyone but his parents, but there are a lot of people here that Patrick doesn't know - probably a lot of people that Duncs doesn't know, either. Jack does look pretty adorable in his Luke costume, though. Patrick's baby is the best baby, and also the cutest baby, and Patrick appreciates that people recognize that.

He spots Sharpy and Abby through the crowd; Abby waves, and Patrick lifts Jack out of Jonny's arms and gives him a pat on the back, doesn't bother interrupting Jonny's conversation with Saader to say 'Going to talk to Sharpy, come find me when you're done,' because he doesn't have to. Their bond is still fragile and not nearly what it will be, but Jonny still picks up on the sense of what Patrick means without Patrick having to speak. 

It's pretty cramped in here. Patrick's almost glad they're heading out in another fifteen or twenty minutes. Two years ago he'd just be getting geared up, but now walking out the door is enough to exhaust him. Babies need so much crap.

Jack spots Sharpy, too, and his sweet scent turns excited. "You have the worst taste in people, kiddo," Patrick tells him, and he twists around to babble happily up at Patrick; and that's when someone slams into Patrick's shoulder.

It's not a big deal. The guy's tall and thickly built, an alpha in his prime, but Patrick's hard to knock off his feet, and people bump into each other in crowds. The problem is what the guy says next. It's rude. It's awful. It's nothing Patrick hasn't heard a hundred thousand times before, and it's nothing he wants said in earshot of his little omega boy.

No - the real problem is that Patrick can control his reaction, but not well enough to hide it from Jack, whose scent immediately goes flat, and not well enough to stop himself from tugging on Jonny's attention through the bond. He curves an arm around Jack instinctively but refuses to give ground. He doesn't need to; what rolls through the room freezes everyone in their tracks.

"Back away," Jonny says.

The other alpha's face contorts. "Make me, fuckoff."

"You don't want to go there," Jonny says. He's calm; he's almost cold. Patrick only rarely sees this side of him. Jonny's temper runs hot, and for all the gravitational pull of his presence, he doesn't come across as threatening. He doesn't usually come across as threatening; but he is absolutely capable of it.

"Back away," Jonny says again, and Patrick wonders if anyone else can tell how close Jonny is to losing his self-control entirely, he wonders if Jonny's going to have to demonstrate exactly how hard and how fast he can put down anyone who comes after Patrick.

It doesn't come to that; a split second later, the guy yields, looks down and takes a step back, and Jonny releases the grip he has on the room. The air rushes back in. Duncs materializes and manhandles the alpha out the front door, and Patrick presses a kiss to the top of Jack's head and then picks up his course over to the Sharps. He doesn't have to look to see if Jonny's following; he can feel Jonny behind him the whole way.

His sense of Jonny stays restless. That's not even the right word. Alert, maybe? Ready. Anticipatory. Patrick's still learning what it's like to knock around in an alpha's head, but the instinctive protectiveness doesn't surprise him - never did surprise him, although how fixated that instinct is on Patrick himself had caught him off guard. Later, when they're on their way out to the car, he bumps his shoulder gently against Jonny's bicep. Jonny looks down at him, and Patrick says, "Hey. You okay?"

Jonny's brow furrows. "Yeah?" he says.

"You just seem kind of geared up," Patrick explains, and Jonny's face clears.

"I am," he says. "Can't help it. He pissed me off."

They pause to buckle a sleepy Jack into his carseat, and then Patrick says, "It was kind of hot."

"Was it?" Jonny says, even though he absolutely knows that yes, it was hot, and yes, it did turn Patrick on.

"Jack's going to sleep like the dead after that much stimulation," Patrick says. "Still want to nail me up against the wall?"

Jonny grins. "Baby," he says, "we could even use the bed."

[brooklynislandgirl]

Beth and UARF!Billy - ❤♡❥ღ💕💘💝💓💌💟💙💚💜💛

Heart-Eyes || -

Five A.M.

Beth’s barely awake as she comes into the office, coffee in hand, only to come face to face with the widest grin she has ever seen on Hal Gates’ face. Dark eyes dancing, he relieves her of her thermos cup, takes both her arms in his hands, and swing-dances her around the cramped space where they work.

“We’ve done it, girl!”

Though abjectly confused, Beth can’t help but grin in return. “Wha’ve we done?” She wants to be just as thrilled, wants to share in the old man’s joy. “We’ve got data on white pointer mating! I’m running the compile now, we should be able to parse it and watch the video footage within an hour or two!”

She’s floored.

The shock is clear on her face, even her mouth drops open a little. Often bandied about as the Holy Grail of marine biology, great-white mating is known to exist. Despite decades of research into the habits of the species, that particular bit of knowledge has eluded marine biologists.

“Wha...? How?”

“Mate of mine, Crawford down in New Zealand has taken a fisherman’s eye-witness account on our elusive little friends, and shared video. Crawford sent me all of the data.”

“Oh, Hal.”

Dr Gates nods at her eagerly and once again promenades her around some tables, brushing past a stack of hastily shoved aside folders with charts of migration patterns, weather reports, and feeding data. Then, far more carefully, he hands her into a seat and plops down into an office chair, slapping his knees in pleasure and pride.

“Speaking of mating rituals...”

Beth laughs but blushes at the same time, eyes askance. She suddenly knows what he’s going to ask, or at least of whom.

“...And since we have so little to do until all the research is collated and complied...”

“Must we?”

“No finer time, girl.”

She holds her hands up to stave him off until she gets up, crosses the room and takes a sip of her coffee. Not exactly how she wanted to start the day, but there’s no real reason not to humour her mentor.

“Have at, den.”

“Excellent.” Hal Gates really is an inveterate old gossip.

~*~

❤: who is more affectionate in public? in private?

Beth laughs. Okay, so this isn’t really so bad. “I t’ink I gotta say...I’m more affectionate in public. Mos’ of da time, Doctah Manderly... just doesn’t know what t’ do. Very stiff, hands in his pockets or stand at parade rest.”

The last cocktail party had been a half disaster, between trying to get William to mingle with the public attendees and not leave to check on his seals at first opportunity. The one time he surprised her was when he put a hand on the small of her back though the illusion was broken when she found that the six-foot-six man was trying to ultimately hide behind her. No amount of mock-tails were going to spare him any acute discomfort.

“Probably for da best. No offence, but he’s very definitely...ah....British.”

“None taken.” Hal offers her a wink and taps the side of his nose.

“But even behind close doors? He just... lil uptight, I guess. I sometimes wonder if mebbe he’s worried about havin’ an episode, and some affections are difficult when you have a service dog nearly t’ree-quarters ya size intent on doin’ her job, but I’d say he at least tries when it jus’ da two of us. Fingahs in my hair, brush against my arm. Da kine.”

Hal nods, knowing the specifics without having to drag them out of her.

♡: who is the bigger romantic openly? secretly?

"I t’ink,” she begins, carefully considering this one. “Dat anyone who loves da sea so much dat dey would give up a whole life to dedicate demself to it...got a big romantic soul. What is da ocean, if not love an’ life, an’ all dat we dream of in songs an’ poetry? I only t’ink it’s harder for him to express dat because well..”

She makes a dismissive gesture.

It isn’t that he grasps the concepts of language and expression, they’ve certainly entertained passionate arguments, verbal jousts that have filled the air with sign and countersign.

“Romantically speakin’ I jus’ don’ see him as da type dat I’m gonna find outside my window wi’ an ole boom box, playing In Ya Eyes by Petah Gabriel, ya know? But I also don’t believe he wouldn’t t’ink about it. So secretly? Him. Openly, me.”

❥: who is more likely to plan something big for valentine's day?

“Honestly, Hal...I’d have t’ say him. He’s a planner. Wants every detail to be perfect, will second guess himself a hundred times jus’ to make sure dere no wrinkle in the research. Me? Always been da spontaneous kine, except when it came to really wantin’ to work wit’ you.”

Hal pats her lap, his face soft.

ღ: who is more likely to initiate hand-holding in public?

“Again, it would be William. I don’ know wha’ he’s t’inkin’ a lot of da time, if he’s even aware dat I am dere sometimes. An’ I don’ really wanna make a big deal about it, don’ wanna ovahstep. For me, it’s a much more difficult proposition, is like...touch is where I’m most comfortable, outside of typing endless notes or readin’ data.”

She nods toward the words scrolling along the screen. She fully disclosed her disabilities when she applied for the position so thankfully she doesn’t have to explain now. Most of the other people at the facility don’t even really notice. Except for maybe Ben who sees too much and maybe says too little. That’s to be expected though when you gather a bunch of scientists and stick them in one beautiful place.

“You want him to initiate more, don’t you?”

“I would, yeah. But dere always more important kine and so really guess it nevah really matter.”

💕: who is more likely to make huge declarations of love in front of other people?

“Fair question an’ I guess dat would be me. We...we agreed not to make a big t’ing about any of dis, you know how quirky everyone here is, an’ in case it doesn’t work out, we don’ want da kine t’ get weird. Especially wi’ James an’ Miranda. So if somet’ing like dis were t’ happen it’s probably because he push all my buttons an’ my tempah got da best of me, right? Could see it happenin’ over breakfast. On da beach. Mebbe by da pools.”

Which is why she tries so hard to keep her passions in check. She doesn’t want to blurt out anything that can’t be taken back.

💘: who developed a crush on the other first?

“Couldn’t say,” and in those two words it is the breadth and depth of her honesty. Beth doesn’t have crushes in the same way most people do. She’s never seen anyone and instantly found herself immersed in fantasies, desires, a desperate need to be around them. She might find someone intellectually stimulating and enjoy the conversation. She might notice that something about them calls to her artist’s eye and be aesthetically pleasing in its symmetry, someone might make her laugh but she doesn’t dwell. And by the time there is the first inkling that she might want more out of a situation or relationship, she’s already become close friends. Or she watches as that object of her affection drifts beyond reach and she tells herself she’s happy because they clearly needed something more than she’s even capable of giving.

And sometimes, Beth wonders if she isn’t really broken or damaged in some way. Because she can’t even say she ever had a crush on Billy. She doesn’t know that she can say she has any expectations other than they look good together on paper, and it’s been drilled into her since birth that appearances *do* matter. “Mo’beddah you should ask him.” Gates doesn’t say anything, he only nods.

💝: who spends more time (possibly overthinking) what presents to get the other?

“William. For same-same reasons as Valentines Day, an’ da need for everyt’ing to be as exactin’ as he can make it. Like, how hard and how long it take him to find...or more likely, *breed* dem two purple neocardinas in my office?” Shrimp like the two in her tank, deliriously happy and spoiled and free of predators, are rare in size and colour, and yet… there they are. Then there’s the allegorical evidence of his severe and frothing dislike of mass consumption marketing, the complete commercialisation of every secular and religious holiday, the pastiche of feelings tacked on almost like an afterthought.

💓: who initiates most physical contact?

Beth hesitates. That’s slightly more personal than the other questions so far and truth be told she’s a little ashamed of having to answer without specific parameters. But it is a question, and she did agree to answer them with the same honesty as she offers Hal in all their other work and conversations. “I’ve always done well wi’ sensory input dat was based in kine oddah dan auditory. Smell, taste, seeing… but of alla dem, touch has always been important to me. Textures, near imperceptible data processed t’rough skin. An’ I guess dat I use dat wi’ him. Way to express ideas or sensations dat might not come across ordinarily. Enthusiasm, excitement, humour, rage, disappointment. I wan him to feel an’ understand when I don’ have da words in me, or know how to express. A lot of da time, it’s accidental or at least….subconscious.” A beat goes by. “I don’t believe he really cares much for it.”

💌: who is more likely to send cutesy texts to the other?

This one is hard for her to answer because they aren’t really cutesy text people. Most of their days are too filled with very real world drama, service to the greater good, the understanding and conservation of the most vulnerable environments and animals within. There’s weather, there’s reports, there’s an entire litany of experiences that don’t leave much time to play around until well after hours when they can finally seek well deserved liberty. However, Billy does sometimes send her pictures of the seals doing very cute seal things, or Annie shepherding him and his charges with the boss-vibes of the Queen Mother. In the end she only offers her mentor a smile and a shrug.

💟: who spends time reading their zodiac compatibilities?

“Oh absolutely I do. Find da whole pseudo-science of it fascinatin’, especially when da stars are not in da same position as dey were when it was invented an’ da psychological impact it has on our species is jus’ totally wild, you know?”

Beth knows that she’s the textbook definition of a Cancerian woman, and Billy does a good job providing a counter-argument on being a Libra. Further there’s a bit of an annoyance factor; he thinks junk science ‘belongs in the bottom of the bin with the rest of the rubbish.’ And he has a point, to some extent, even if she doesn’t agree with him. Not everything can be cold facts and numbers. Sometimes a little playfulness was in order and he absolutely needed to be reminded of that.

Hal laughs and shakes his head. “You’re going to do my chart then, aren’t you?” “Wit’out a doubt, Doctah Gates.” She wiggles her brows.

💙: who is more protective?

“I think objectively, I am. You know William’s troubles, and I have to keep them all in mind dough it’s not like he can forget dem, right? Some of his facts aren’t… I’ve consulted with some medical doctors and if we are careful, dere’s a lot he can experience dat he sees out of reach but I don’ like bringing dem up because I don’ want to agitate him. Only can lead t’ problems.” She does wish though that he’d trust her a little more, that he’d let go of some of his well deserved fears. That he’d let himself out of his shell and accept that even with limitations he can do many of the same things as the rest of the group does. But he seems content enough to hang back, ever the observer. And she doesn’t know if it’s her place to try to drag him into things though she might be better at it than anyone else. Miranda has told her as much.

💚: who tends to get sick more often? who is better at taking care of the other?

Hal’s question is really a continuation of the previous one and once again she has to call Billy out on it. Because she’s never really been sick a day in her life, not since early childhood and the culmination of that was the test bite that nearly lost her the leg she keeps tucked away, hidden out of sight whenever possible. “Dat seems a small kine ingenious, he no can help his seizure disorder. An’ I feel like he really ought to have a good psychologist. I t’ink some t’erapy would do him good. Spends too much time in his own head an’ mebbe not enough taking charge of his life. I know he can be afraid of lots of t’ings but it nevah really *has* to be dat way. But I also don’ wanna push him, for same-same reasons I mention before. You can lead a shark to chum but no can make him frenzy, know what I mean?” The analogy is silly. Billy wants so much more than what he feels he has. And a darker current in the back of her mind wonders if they would still be the same if he felt he could reasonably have them. That feels so selfish and toxic and she really has no place casting judgement on him when maybe she’s no better off than he is, only expressing it differently.

💜: who said "i love you" first? or, if neither has said it yet, who is more likely to say it first?

It’s strange how perceptive he is and goes in for the killing bite. The honest truth is that neither one has said it. And neither one likely will. Billy has layers of guilt and trauma, has beliefs that she cannot get a single foothold to try and tear apart. He doesn’t feel deserving of such a finer emotion. And Beth? She has her own reasons. She doesn’t even know if love is a thing that exists or if it’s some fairy-tale people tell themselves to make it easier to get by. She believes in affection, and she believes that people bond the same way packs and pods and herds do. But she feels the concept of love is poisonous. Ruinous in the way it can destroy someone from the inside out. And how any time she’s ever thought she’d felt it, it was ripped out from her grasp. She won’t say it. She won’t hear it.

She doesn’t answer him immediately, but instead gets up and paces away, appearing as though she’s checking on some of the cameras situated around the bay. The wall that she’d left down for Hal goes back up, slamming into place.

“Research from both psychology and neurology fields have found that there are twelve different areas of the brain that light up and work together when two people are attracted to one another, releasing chemicals like dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin and vasopression. All the symptoms people experience are simply animal-instincts provided to guarantee that we as a species survive by either wanting to mate, or flee.”

💛: who believes in soulmates?

And Gates understands he’s made an error in judgement, though he’d only been trying to be helpful in a meddling kind of way. Anyone at the facility could see that Billy and Beth were two sides of a very quirky but ultimately needed coin. That they’d both changed each other in the two years she’d been a research fellow, and how they’d both blossomed for it. Well, anyone but the two of them. And this had seemed like such a good idea at first, tied into shark mating habits which he’d hoped she’d take better than she is.

Her answers have thus far matched up quite nicely with the boy’s.

Sadly, especially this one. She doesn’t turn to look at him. “There are no such things, Doctor Gates. And even if there were, statistically it would be almost impossible to meet a soul mate. Within the same general age group there are about a half a billion potential companions all over the world. One would have to travel the entirety of the world, every remote pocket of the planet. Secondly, there’s no scientific proof that souls even exist, and enough studies across various disciplines to prove that they don’t. Believing in such nonsense only makes a person unhappy. And all that aside, most mammals are not biologically programmed for monogamy and I doubt human beings are either.” Because if they were, why would anyone leave someone they claimed to love?

[needtherapy]

open always petal by petal (ch 2)

Song Lan knows his only passenger, Cao Huan, is more secrets than truths, but he's still the best passenger Song Lan has ever had: paid up front, self-sufficient, and silent.

It shouldn't matter that Cao Huan plays the guqin like his heart is broken.

It shouldn't matter that his smiles light up the darkest corners of Fuxue's passageways.

It shouldn't matter that he makes Song Lan curious, curious in a way he hasn't felt in years.

It's just an ordinary transport, a regular fare, a mostly-honest way to make a living. All they have to do is get from Sichuan Station to Caiyi Port. The galaxy may be a dangerous place, but Song Lan is very good at his job, and this should be an easy two-week trip.

The rest doesn't matter. It doesn't.

READ ON AO3

Notes: Rated E for Explicit. Title from e.e. cummings' poem "somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond". Thanks to @cirilien​, @coslyons​, @treemaidengeek​ and tucuxi (AO3) for the beta reads!

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

⋆ Day 7 ⋆

I fell in love with him first, and he fell in love with the ship first, Song Lan tries to mumble, but he forgot, he doesn’t have a voice anymore, stolen by the man who stole Xingchen’s life.

A gentle hand smooths back his hair and traces a path across his jaw.

“Captain Song, when you wake up, I will buy you a fleet of ships. Just wake up,” a voice says. “Please wake up.”

Song Lan tries words again, even knowing they won’t work. I don’t want a fleet of ships. I only want to know why you are filled with such sadness, he says, but all that comes out is a breathy groan.

The warm hand on his neck disappears, and he barely stops himself from reaching out to pull the comfort back. Instead, he reluctantly opens his eyes and sits up.

The ship is dark, lit only by red emergency lights. He’s sitting on a table in the infirmary, hooked to a neural interface and cortical stimulator, and Cao Huan is on the other side of the room, disinfecting his hands. When he turns, Song Lan signs, “How long?”

“Only a few minutes,” is the answer, and Song Lan can tell the man is fudging the truth if not outright lying. He’s not great at it. “The shockwave knocked out the electrical systems. I looked, but the backup is uniquely designed. I did not want to risk...fiddling just yet.”

He says the word like he’s never used it before, and Song Lan smiles, slowly unhooking the machines from his head. Xingchen definitely had a unique way of wiring. Sometimes he knitted the wires together because he liked the way it looked. Or he chose colors that didn’t correspond to normal schematics but had meaning to him. Blue for ground because he was from the top of a snowy mountain, yellow for live because the sun created life. And so on.

“Okay. I’ll turn on the backups. Anything else?”

Cao Huan bites his lip and shakes his head.

“There’s no time to be polite. If there’s something I should know, tell me,” Song Lan insists, swinging his legs over the edge of the table and gingerly standing. There’s a bump and scrape on his forehead, but otherwise, he’s fine. He’s more worried about Fuxue.

“No,” Cao Huan says. “Nothing. We are far enough away from the remaining pirate fleet for safety. They should be disabled long enough for us to get somewhere for repairs.”

Song Lan knows there’s something more. He knows it like he knows every inch of Fuxue, like he knows the unperturbed expression on Cao Huan’s face means the exact opposite. It takes a second to unravel.

“You didn’t kill them,” he signs, and Cao Huan’s jaw tightens. He looks away, and Song Lan knows he’s guessed right. “You tried your best. They turned.”

“My best was not enough.”

Song Lan doesn’t miss the bitterness of the words.

“They’re pirates. They knew what the cost might be.”

“You are right, Captain Song. There is no time to delay. Show me how I can help you restart Fuxue,” Cao Huan says, and again, the topic is seemingly closed.

With a sigh, Song Lan motions for Cao Huan to follow him, and they spend the next hour rewiring critical systems to the backup engine. Only life support switches automatically, and they have to reconnect propulsion and flight control. It’s just enough to limp to the nearest station, which is, luckily, Rogue Sky.

Cao Huan is surprisingly reluctant to go there, though, even after Song Lan explains that it’s the best place for repairs.

“Are you certain it is our only option?” he asks.

Song Lan considers, even though this is his ship and his decision. The man had helped save his life. This trip is more like a partnership than a mere transport now.

“I trust their chief absolutely,” he finally signs, and Cao Huan nods, accepting his answer with a quick flicker of a smile that in no way fools Song Lan.

⋆ Day 8 ⋆

Rogue Sky is one of the nicer unaffiliated stations, orbiting a planet on the border of the Western and Eastern Sectors, near Qinghe-controlled space, but it has none of the grandeur of Sichuan, or even Caiyi. Despite having been cobbled together from scrapped and spare pieces, it’s known for quick, skilled, no-questions-asked repairs. Any one of those reasons would be good enough to come here, but the odd assortment of stragglers who live and work on Rogue Sky are the closest thing Song Lan has to friends anymore.

There are more than a dozen ships—including a Goldlighter medic—docked in bays or sitting on landing pads. Song Lan brings Fuxue into one of the large repair bays that already has two other ships in it. Even here, Fuxue isn’t very big, dwarfed by Qinghe mining vessels and Qishan haulers. In fact, the only ship smaller is a sleek Yunmeng runabout, a high-speed cruiser that seems a long way from home, in Song Lan’s opinion.

He’d called ahead, so Qingyang is waiting for him.

“Now that I’ve seen Fuxue, I’m even more shocked you’re alive. What did you do to her this time?” she demands.

Song Lan grins and signs, “I can’t be blamed for pirates.”

He feels more than hears Cao Huan behind him and adds, “We wouldn’t have survived if my passenger wasn’t such a skilled gunner. Luo Qingyang…” Song Lan pauses. He doesn’t know what Cao Huan’s sign for his name is. He picks the signs for the two words as a stand in for now. “This is Cao Huan. Cao Huan, this is Qingyang, chief of Rogue Sky.”

Cao Huan has an odd expression on his face when Song Lan looks at him, but he smiles and nods at Qingyang. “I am pleased to make your acquaintance. Captain Song speaks highly of you.”

“Ah. Cao Huan,” Qingyang says. “Any friend of Song Lan’s is welcome here.” She turns back to Song Lan. “Come on, let’s get you something to eat while the mechs diagnose your baby.”

They walk through the station and Song Lan takes note of the changes. Typically, many of the station workers live on-world, but he sees plenty of new sections. Living quarters here. New worker dining halls there. Upgrades to the infirmary deck.

He sees other things too. Signs of wear. A bucket under a leaking pipe. Shoeless children running through the halls. He wonders when the last time he visited was, and a pang of guilt taps his shoulder. Every visit matters. Every tiny scrap of work he can give them matters. It’s been too long. However long is too long.

He touches Qingyang’s elbow. “Is everything okay here?”

“Same old, same old. Life goes on and we try to keep up.” Qingyang says with a smile, the same thing she always says. This time, he shakes his head and frowns at her, and she shrugs, giving him a more serious, considering look.

“There are a lot of new people on the station. Better jobs here, and safer. The Joint Senate is doing its best, and even the Goldlighters are...better than they were, but you know how it is. After a war, after a regime change, there’s always a vacuum,” she answers. “It’s never been an easy life, being unaffiliated, and lately, there are a lot more pirates and mercs. But we have a good reputation and I aim to keep it that way.”

It should be comforting, but he doesn’t miss the words between the words and that she only signs to him, doesn’t speak out loud. While the High Chancellor was openly hostile toward unaffiliated stations and colonies, Xiandu was more insidiously at odds with them, framing it as “in their best interest” to be part of the Goldlighter network. It was safer, he’d said. Together, they’d be more prosperous, he’d said.

But more than one station who objected, more than one colony who resisted, had gone missing under his regime. Even the scrapping colony Song Lan had grown up with was gone now, either destroyed or forcibly integrated. It’s a miracle Rogue Sky has remained independent and prosperous as long as they have, and Song Lan knows it hasn’t been as easy as it’s seemed.

He wonders if Qingyang is being mindful of the guest behind them who is undoubtedly one of the privileged class, if not an affiliated Goldlighter himself, or if it’s easier for her to disguise her worries if he can’t hear her voice.

Lunch—or whatever meal this is; Song Lan has forgotten—is hot and brown and full of noodles and vegetables. Hydroponics, Qingyang tells them, with a glance at Cao Huan. An old friend upgraded their systems last year, and it hasn’t given them a lick of trouble since then. Song Lan wonders how legal their upgrade was.

“I would like to see the gardens, if you are willing to show me,” Cao Huan asks, signing as he speaks, and Qingyang looks sideways at Song Lan before she nods. He tries not to smile. Evidently the tall, quiet man is capable of surprising her, too.

The gardens are a full deck, now, alternating between neat and tidy rows of fruits and vegetables and wild, bright flower gardens that seem to have no other value than aesthetic. It’s stunning, far more spectacular than he remembers. Song Lan turns to ask Cao Huan if it’s what he expected, but Cao Huan is distracted, smiling and touching the dark green leaves of a climbing vine. He leans forward to sniff its tiny white flowers, closing his eyes when he inhales.

Song Lan means to step back so he doesn’t intrude on what feels like a private moment, but Cao Huan looks at him. Just looks at him through long dark lashes, with the hint of a smile in his eyes, and Song Lan knows he wants to kiss him here in the midst of all this beauty. He hasn’t felt this way in so long, he almost doesn’t recognize the way desire captures and bends him, focusing everything on a single point of intent.

He is so grateful when Qingyang’s comm squawks for her attention and disrupts the direction his thoughts are heading.

“The mechs say it’s fixable, but it’ll take two days. Honestly,” she adds, when Song Lan’s face falls, “you’re lucky they can do it that quickly. We’ve had an influx of parts for Jian-class ships lately. A lot of crews are upgrading the old Qishan system to Lan nanotech.”

“Captain Song, please, do not worry on my account,” Cao Huan assures him. “Two days will make no difference."

He does look relieved, actually, and once again, Song Lan wonders what’s waiting for him in Caiyi.

“I need to get back to work,” Qingyang says with a wry smile. “Let me show you to your room.”

Song Lan hopes she’s just misspoken. He doesn’t want to ask, for fear of insulting Cao Huan, but he is also increasingly aware that it would be...difficult to sleep in the same room.

First, though, they go back to the repair hangar so the chief mech can tell Song Lan every single thing wrong with Fuxue, some of which existed before the pirates, and all of which the mech is certain must be fixed immediately. It’s hard to argue that the deflectors don’t need upgrading, or that the propulsion system doesn’t need cleaning, so he just sighs and agrees, thankful again that Cao Huan paid so well in advance.

They gather up the things they’ll need for a two-day stay, including the discarded knitting—Song Lan is sure he’s going to need the soothing repetition of knit and purl—and follow Qingyang again.

She hadn’t misspoken. There is only one free guest room on the station thanks to the Goldlighter medic ship, which is two days into a four-day engine repair. It is, at least, a larger room, with plenty of space to hang a hammock, and Song Lan has slept in worse places.

“I’m so sorry. We’ve seen a lot of these longer repairs lately. Either they’re finicky old engines or, like the medic ship, they’re the complicated new Goldlighter systems. If they weren’t ill and injured patients, I would happily make them move into fewer quarters,” she apologizes for the sixth time.

“Chief Luo, I have slept in many worse places. Even the floor would be fine for two nights,” Cao Huan says for the sixth time. Song Lan wonders which one of them is going to win the war of courtesy. “Thank you for your concern.”

There’s something in his tone, both honest and firm, that makes Qingyang finally relax. She starts to say something, but a voice in her comm catches her attention and she shakes her head, waving to them as she walks away arguing.

For a minute, they are alone, and although they’ve been alone on a ship for the last eight days, this time Song Lan is aware of every single one of the sixty heartbeats and twelve breaths it takes for Cao Huan to stop surveying the room and smile.

“If you do not mind, I would like to meditate in the gardens.”

Song Lan tips his head. “You don’t need permission. Most areas of this station are open to all.”

Cao Huan laughs, light and a little uncertain. “No, Captain Song, I…” He falters, and Song Lan wonders what’s in that falter, what he meant to say, because he very clearly changes direction. “I will be gone for an hour, in case anyone looks for me.”

He picks up his guqin and leaves. Song Lan shuts the door behind him, leans against the wall and, very gently, bangs his head on it.

Instead of dwelling on the things he can’t change, Song Lan goes for a run, a luxury he wasn’t expecting to get halfway through this trip. It does help to clear his mind, and the fast, chilly shower afterward—real water, more satisfying than any sonic shower—works even better. He’s still toweling off his hair when he gets back to the room and finds Cao Huan hanging up a hammock.

“No,” he signs, touching Cao Huan on the shoulder to catch his attention. “You should have the bed.”

Cao Huan frowns. “Why? You are the pilot. You should be well-rested.”

“You’re the passenger. You paid for a comfortable passage,” Song Lan insists. It’s ridiculous, but it doesn’t seem right for Cao Huan to sleep in a hammock instead of a bed. He should have soft pillows and plush blankets.

“This is perfectly fine,” Cao Huan argues, a stubborn clench in his jaw. “Do not assume that I am dissembling for the sake of pride. I have not slept in a bed in three years.”

Something about that tickles the back of Song Lan’s mind, but he doesn’t have time to work it out, because Cao Huan frowns and crosses his arms.

“Captain Song, I am not as cosseted as you think me to be. No one has needed to worry about my comfort in quite some time.”

Song Lan only means to look pointedly at Cao Huan’s expensive silk robes, but his gaze lingers on the skin at the base of Cao Huan’s throat, at the hint of muscle in his arms, the way his belt hugs his waist, and his mouth goes dry. He tries to think of a response, any response.

“Well, I do,” he signs with a huff. “Worry about you.”

Cao Huan’s face shifts from aggravation to confusion, and he examines Song Lan’s expression as if, now, he’s the one who doesn’t believe what Song Lan is saying.

“Captain?” he asks tentatively.

Before Song Lan can wipe the truth from his face or think of something to diffuse his stupid stupidity, Cao Huan is stepping closer, touching Song Lan’s face with his beautiful hands, and his lips are on Song Lan’s, warm and inviting.

With a groan he can’t silence, Song Lan accepts the invitation wholeheartedly, wrapping his arms around Cao Huan’s waist and kissing him harder, pressing into his body harder. The lines of it he can feel under the robes are tantalizing, more muscle than he expected, but also more softness—a curve of belly against his and a truly exceptional ass.

Cao Huan tugs at Song Lan’s shirt, and without debating the wisdom of it, without succumbing to the creeping voice that whispers you can’t have this, Song Lan lifts his hands and lets Cao Huan pull the shirt over his head. He fills his mind with the feel of soft silk against his skin and the burning taste of Cao Huan’s mouth.

“You are extraordinary,” Cao Huan says, kissing a spot on Song Lan’s neck that sears like a brand. “Spectacular,” he adds, biting Song Lan’s earlobe softly. “Gorgeous,” he grins before kissing Song Lan’s mouth again, and it even sounds like he means it.

Song Lan hasn’t been with anyone since Xingchen, never thought he could want anyone but Xingchen. He doesn’t know why, why now, why this man, why this place, but maybe it doesn’t matter. He feels what he feels, and Xingchen would never have asked him to seal himself up in a lonely tower forever. He can enjoy this moment before it passes. He can.

He fumbles with Cao Huan’s robes, unsure where to start, so Cao Huan generously helps, untying the complicated knots and ties of the belt and five layers of robes more swiftly than Song Lan could have managed, dropping them to the ground in a heap. He’s breathtaking, standing in his white pants, feet bare, hair pooling around his shoulders, an uncertain smile on his lips, and Song Lan is furious with his own speechlessness. He was never overly reliant on words, but the unfairness of his inability to tell Cao Huan how much he wants him, to not even be able to say his name, hits him all at once.

“Is it...is this...too much?” Cao Huan asks, caressing his cheek, obviously trying to read the shift in Song Lan’s expression.

Song Lan shakes his head and leans forward, resting his forehead against Cao Huan’s. It is too much in the way that the sun in the morning is too much after a long dark night, but he forges ahead, kissing Cao Huan methodically, patiently this time. No, Song Lan changes his mind, nibbling the hollow of Cao Huan’s throat and listening to his soft hum of pleasure, it’s just enough.

He notices Cao Huan’s hands on the waistband of his pants seconds before the man sinks to his knees and tugs them down, nuzzling his nose into the sensitive skin at the joint of Song Lan’s hip. He bites a path up the inside of Song Lan’s thigh, his sharp teeth scattering tingling sparks through Song Lan, and flicks his tongue against each spot, buckling Song Lan’s knees and forcing him to catch himself on the man’s sturdy shoulders. Cao Huan looks up at him, lifts his light brown eyes to meet Song Lan’s, before he licks the hard line of Song Lan’s cock and takes it into his mouth.

Song Lan falls into a dark and nameless void, shocked by his own reaction to Cao Huan’s lips around him. The desire coalesces from every part of him, settling in his core like a waiting explosion. He is desperate for the straining, clawing ache to release, desperate for it never to end. He runs his fingers over the arch of Cao Huan’s ear, and it steadies him in some ways, undoes him in others. He yearns to know more, where this tiny scar on his cheek came from, why his hair is long, what he’s been doing alone for three years, who he is.

Cao Huanes presses lightly into Song Lan’s skin, grazing his hips, skimming the taut muscle of his stomach, touching everywhere he can reach, and he looks at Song Lan with more than just want. It occurs to Song Lan that maybe they are in this void together, careening into something neither of them expected or understands.

He can’t hold back his hoarse cries, and he doesn’t want to. He wants Cao Huan to know what this means to him, that it’s perfect and wonderful, that even if he could speak, he wouldn’t have the words for it.

The climax rolls over him slowly, at first like an opening fist, but then without end, the collapsing star of pleasure stealing away his thoughts, even his breath. He only inhales when Cao Huan’s tongue swirls around his cock, almost too intense to bear, and he staggers backward, hitting the bed and sitting down awkwardly. Cao Huan strips off his pants and follows him, straddling his lap and kissing him, on the mouth, on the neck, on the top of his shoulder, murmuring words Song Lan can’t believe.

“Please,” Song Lan signs, “I want you...anything...everything…Huan-ge, please.”

He doesn’t think he’s asking right, at a loss for forming intelligent words, but Cao Huan growls, low and fierce in the back of his throat, not a sound Song Lan expected from so dignified a man, and he shivers at what it promises.

“I...did not consider…” Cao Huan answers shakily, “I do not want to hurt you,” he says, tightening his hands around Song Lan’s jaw.

Song Lan doesn’t think he cares right now, but as much as he wants to fuck Cao Huan, to be fucked by him, he can adapt.

He swipes his fingers through his mouth and wraps his wet hand around Cao Huan’s cock, stroking him hard and fast. Cao Huan tips his head back, one hand on Song Lan’s shoulder and rocks up into his hand, but it’s not quite enough. Dragging Cao Huan on top of him, Song Lan adjusts Cao Huan’s cock between his thighs and squeezes, reveling in the man’s guttural moan. “Captain Song, you…you are more...” Cao Huan cups Song Lan’s cheek. “You are so much more,” he says and kisses Song Lan, thrusting between his legs, the slippery, sliding pressure igniting something new and frenzied inside Song Lan.

He clutches greedy hands around Cao Huan’s ass, pulling him closer, and they settle into a rhythm together immediately, nearly familiar, like a song he knows by heart. Song Lan looks into Cao Huan’s eyes, his almost golden eyes, and he doesn’t understand how it can be like this. He doesn’t know this man, not even his real name. How can he feel so much for him all at once, so much desire and fascination? It doesn't make sense when he tries to think about it, but when he lets go and just exists, just accepts it, everything feels exactly right.

“Captain, please, I want your mouth,” Cao Huan’s breath next to his ear sends thrilling bolts of lightning down into the tips of Song Lan’s fingers. “Can I come in your mouth?”

Song Lan can’t answer fast enough, tugging at Cao Huan and trying to say yes, fuck, yes at the same time. Only the “yes” comes out in any way discernible, and Cao Huan scrambles forward. Song Lan eagerly takes him into his mouth, his cock hot and wet already, hitting the back of Song Lan’s throat. He urges Cao Huan deeper, tightening the lock of his lips around him. The mechanics are different than he remembers, and he thinks the sensation must be different than Cao Huan expected, but the man cries out almost immediately, his climax crashing over him and transforming his face into something almost too beautiful to look at.

Cao Huan slumps onto the bed, his panting breaths mixed with laughter, and Song Lan scoots toward him. A sated smile finds its way onto his mouth and Cao Huan touches it.

“Captain Song, the service on this transport is unexpectedly thorough,” he says solemnly, and Song Lan laughs.

“You can use my name, you know,” Song Lan signs, and then realizes he’s never shown his name to Cao Huan. There’s a strange intimacy in making the sign, the combination of tented fingers that flick down, like brushing water off of skin, and he feels heat rising to his skin.

“Perhaps I prefer to call you Captain,” Cao Huan teases, but he repeats the sign.

Song Lan doesn’t bother to ask the sign for his name. He knows it won’t be real anyway, but Cao Huan purses his lips thoughtfully.

“I am Huan,” he signs, with a closing, twisting fist that opens flat, almost the normal way of making the signs, but not quite, and he watches Song Lan closely as though there’s some test in these motions. “It is not how I am usually known, but...it is not untrue.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Song Lan tells him, and Cao Huan shakes his head.

“It matters to me.” He brushes back Song Lan’s hair. “I… I want to tell you the things that...that are not too shameful to say.”

And now he is blushing, the red bloom spreading from his neck up into his ears, and he ducks his head, tucking it under Song Lan’s chin. Song Lan doesn’t have an answer for that, for the trust he’s being given. He wants to be worthy of it, though, so he doesn’t ask any questions, just pulls Cao Huan closer.

It is astounding, Song Lan thinks, running a hand down Cao Huan’s arm, how much he wants him again already, but he can hear the man’s breathing starting to slow. He satisfies himself with the feeling of skin against skin, the silky soft brush of hair over his arm, the contented sigh as Cao Huan pins Song Lan’s leg with his.

Song Lan briefly considers how much warmer they would be with a blanket, but reconsiders when he looks at the naked stretch of Cao Huan’s body next to his. There are some things worth enduring a little chill for.

⋆ Day 9 ⋆

Song Lan doesn’t quite know how to react to waking up in a bed with someone else, someone who had, evidently, adjusted them in the night. They are under the blankets now, and Song Lan is curved around Cao Huan’s back, one arm under his head, one across his chest.

He decides he’s not at all unhappy about this unfamiliar arrangement. It’s just a passing fling, and all the more precious for its fleeting nature.

Song Lan sets his lips against Cao Huan’s shoulder, following the muscle up his neck. There is a small bump at the top of his spine, not a bone, something with a faint blue light under the skin. Now that he’s looking closely, he can see a practically invisible line along Cao Huan’s hairline, an indistinct ribbon, and he wonders what kind of neural implant it is. He’s never seen such delicate work. The red contact points and black wiring of his own nodes are barely noticeable at a distance but raised enough to be seen and felt up close, and he is well aware that his rescuers spared no expense to provide them.

He will tell you when he’s ready, Song Lan thinks. Or he won’t. It doesn’t matter.

Song Lan’s hand finds its way down Cao Huan’s side to his hip, flexing involuntarily against the smooth skin, and Cao Huan’s voice rumbles in his chest.

“If you are going to be so ardent in the morning, Captain, we will need to find provisions first.”

He rolls over and kisses Song Lan firmly. Song Lan realizes that he’d been clinging to doubts about whether last night had been intentional or a fluke, whether Cao Huan would regret it in the morning, and the answer is a crushing relief.

“Also, I am hungry,” he grins, sweet and charming in a way that reminds Song Lan a little of Xingchen.

Not that they’re anything alike, Song Lan thinks. Xingchen was a wild soul through and through, nothing like Cao Huan’s outward tranquility and concealed turbulence. It’s like comparing fire and ice, and the only similarity is how they both burn through Song Lan.

They make their way to the city decks, the heart of the station where food sellers, shops, and entertainment stalls are crammed together, one on top of the other. Song Lan waves and smiles at the people he knows, even stops to talk to some of them.

A few people give Cao Huan curious looks. If he stood out in Sichuan, he is a strange and alien creature here, not only for the way he’s dressed. There’s just something about him that draws the eye, even when he is so clearly trying to be unnoticed.

They buy tiny scallion pancakes from one stall, fried noodles from another, curls of fruit-flavored ice cream, lotus root sandwiches, spicy tacos, steamed buns—more food than Song Lan normally has for two meals, but Cao Huan has apparently never eaten any of it before. Song Lan isn’t too proud to admit that he keeps buying food to watch Cao Huan’s expression change with every new taste.

They find the other supplies they’re looking for, too. Song Lan is a little embarrassed to buy lube with someone, but Cao Huan seems unperturbed by the shopkeeper’s knowing grin. He also buys new clothes: dark blue pants, fitted white shirts, and a very sensible leather jacket.

It’s all so mundane, so ordinary to go shopping and eat food with someone, but it feels wondrous, like waking up and finding an uncharted green planet.

He glances at Cao Huan who is looking at him with a curious, puzzled expression, and Song Lan wants him so badly, he’s sure it’s evident on his face. Cao Huan’s mouth quirks, and he speeds up, taking Song Lan’s hand and pulling him along.

By the time they get back to their room, Song Lan has figured out how to undo Cao Huan’s wide silk belt, and the man laughs shakily when Song Lan pulls it off in the hall and loops the long fabric around his shoulders. He reels Cao Huan back to him, one hand snaking down his stomach, and Cao Huan leans back, resting his head on Song Lan’s shoulder.

“Are you planning to fuck me in the hallway, Captain Song?” he asks, tickling Song Lan’s ear with his breath. He guides Song Lan’s hand lower, and Song Lan groans. “I might let you.”

It’s a measure of how far gone Song Lan is that he considers it before briskly pushing Cao Huan through the door.

Inside, he pulls off his clothes, trembling with need, catching Cao Huan in his arms before he can take off the last layer of thin silk clinging indecently to his body.

“You,” he pants, speaking the words, ignoring the muddy way they leave his mouth, because even signing feels too complicated. “Want you.”

“You may have me,” Cao Huan tells him. “Any way you like.”

It seems impossible, too much for Song Lan to comprehend. The words. The way he looks, waiting on the bed, lips red and swollen. The soft heat of his body when Song Lan slides slick fingers inside him. The way he writhes and moans, shockingly uninhibited.

He was loved, once, Song Lan thinks, stroking his hand down the velvet-soft skin of Cao Huan’s cock. He knows how to respond to love.

“Captain...Song Lan, Lan-er, please,” Cao Huan asks, tugging on Song Lan’s arm, his eyes dark with surrender. “I need you now.”

Song Lan watches Cao Huan’s face as he lifts his hips, fits them together, and slowly presses inside him. He distracts himself from the exquisite pressure and enveloping warmth by marking the change of expressions: a twinge of discomfort, blinking surprise, mouth-open wonder, and finally, as Song Lan starts to move, fevered lust that pierces Song Lan and fixes in his mind, never to be forgotten.

This...the two of them...joined like this...Song Lan hadn’t known he’d been in limbo before, only living in the technical sense of the word. This feels real. For the first time in years, he is more than merely existing. It’s unbearable.

His orgasm is an agonizing spike, sudden and blinding, and he crashes into Cao Huan, clutching at him, touching as much of him as possible, as long as possible until the violent shuddering of his body calms and the pounding of his heart steadies.

And somehow, it’s nowhere near enough.

“Will you...” Song Lan is still not used to this, specifying what he wants. He thinks he must seem pathetic, asking so bluntly, but he can’t stop himself. “Huan-ge, will you fuck me? Please?”

Cao Huan closes his eyes and exhales with a tremulous laugh. “Lan-er, it is all I seem to want to do lately,” he says, even as he is sitting up, shifting Song Lan on his lap, kissing his mouth.

Song Lan is not a small man, and there is something about being adjusted with such little effort that sends shivers hurtling up and down his spine. The anticipation, though, is nothing compared to the actuality of Cao Huan’s fingers between his legs, sticky and wet with lube, slipping inside him smoothly. For a moment, for several moments, he’s certain he’s on the verge of combustion, breaking apart along tiny, ecstatic fractures.

Abruptly, Cao Huan bites Song Lan’s collarbone, the burst of delicious pain bringing the world back into focus. His moan comes out in a keening whimper, and Cao Huan flexes his hand, rubbing against Song Lan and sending shockwaves through him. Song Lan sinks into the relentless pleasure of fingers plunging into him, and he whines when Cao Huan stops, even knowing why, even knowing what’s next.

Cao Huan takes his time, letting Song Lan get used to him, filling him inch by inch.

“Breathe, Lan-er,” he murmurs, kissing the side of his mouth, and Song Lan takes a ragged, hoarse breath.

And another as Cao Huan twitches his hips.

And another as Cao Huan pushes the rest of the way into him.  

Song Lan had forgotten—how could he have forgotten—this particular surge of feeling, of being so consumed by desire that there’s nothing else, no other thoughts to have. He rocks with Cao Huan, captured by the cadence of his thrusts, his mouth, his hands.

Cao Huan gasps out his name like a plea for mercy, “Lan-er, fuck, Lan-er,” before slamming into him with the force of his climax, and Song Lan cries out too, not wanting it to end.

Cao Huan leans against Song Lan’s chest, panting, and Song Lan kisses the top of his head. Then his ear. Then his nose. Then his mouth. Cao Huan flops back onto the bed, arms and legs akimbo.

“I...I do not know exactly what to say,” he mumbles.

Song Lan wants to laugh. What is there to say? Thank you for the mind-blowing sex?

Actually…

He lays down next to Cao Huan and rests a hand over his heart, feeling its fluttering drumbeat.

Thank you, he draws on Cao Huan’s chest. Thank you for making me feel again.

Their room doesn’t have a dedicated bathroom, but it has a sink. Song Lan eventually gets up to clean himself off and wets a cloth for Cao Huan. He grins when Cao Huan tries to take it away from him and cleans Cao Huan too, kissing the curve of his stomach, the ridge of his hip, the tops of his thighs, as he goes.

“My turn next time,” Cao Huan says with a no-arguments tone of voice. Song Lan doesn’t hate the promise of a next time.

He only barely finishes before the lassitude catches up to him, and he yawns as he climbs under the covers, snuggling against Cao Huan. He shouldn’t be tired—it’s the middle of the day—but it’s safe and warm here, and Song Lan decides to enjoy this moment too. He traces the arch of Cao Huan’s eyebrow and the bow of his mouth, smiling when Cao Huan nibbles his finger.

Song Lan closes his eyes and lets himself rest.

It’s still day when he wakes, according to the clock, and Cao Huan is up, dressing in his new clothes that do nothing to disguise his distinctiveness. He pulls his hair back into a ponytail, and Song Lan’s stomach flops appreciatively.

“You’re still gorgeous,” he signs, and Cao Huan shakes his head.

“You may be biased,” he retorts.

“True,” Song Lan agrees, swinging his legs out of bed and stretching. “But I thought that before I saw you naked.”

He grabs Cao Huan around the waist, and Cao Huan rewards him with a lingering kiss.

“I...I am going to meditate in the gardens. Will…” he sounds so hesitant, and Song Lan tips his head curiously. “Will you join me?”

“Of course.” Song Lan has no idea why Cao Huan is anxious about meditation, which seems innocuous, which Song Lan has heard him do nearly every night since they started this journey, but it’s easy to say yes to Cao Huan.

“Thank you,” he says, touching Song Lan’s face before picking up his guqin. “And then dinner?”

Song Lan’s stomach objects loudly. “Dinner first?” he asks hopefully, and Cao Huan laughs.

“Dinner first.”

Dinner ends up being another kaleidoscope of vendor foods, from meat wrapped in thin pancakes to vegetables fried in spicy batter to skewers of soft chicken and potatoes.

Song Lan finds his favorite dessert, layered frozen fruit bars, and he hands a watermelon lime bar to Cao Huan. Cao Huan’s eyes widen at the sweet and sour taste, and when he finishes, Song Lan hands him a different flavor, the second one melting faster than he can finish it.

“I should have waited to give you that until we were alone,” Song Lan signs, and Cao Huan tips his head.

“Why?” he asks around a bite of what looks like mango and tajin.

“Because I want to lick it off you,” Song Lan grins.

Cao Huan blinks slowly and smiles. “You may,” he agrees, tilting his head back.

Song Lan had always known that what he felt with Xingchen was unique, the ease and willingness of touch and affection, and he’d never expected to find it with anyone else. But when he touches his lips to Cao Huan’s now, surrounded by an almost overwhelming number of people, tasting the spice and tang, he is honestly not sure he can stop at only the kiss. Cao Huan hums in his throat and Song Lan hastily pulls away from the temptation. After meditation. He can surely be patient and wait until after meditation.

The gardens aren’t empty. Workers are picking fruits and vegetables, and visitors are wandering down the pathways. It’s amazing how much this space adds to Rogue Sky, Song Lan thinks. Every station should have one.

Cao Huan settles on the floor in a quiet corner of the deck facing the wall, and Song Lan sits across from him. Cao Huan gives him an uncertain smile before closing his eyes and setting  his fingers to the guqin. Song Lan breathes in and out slowly, counting in rhythm with Cao Huan’s breath, finding the quiet space inside him before Cao Huan starts to play.

The sound of the instrument is even more spectacular here, twining through the trees and echoing in the high ceiling. It seems like this was what the guqin was meant for: open spaces and, Song Lan notices, a growing crowd.

To their credit, the people are polite at first, just walking closer, standing nearby without obviously watching, but it doesn’t take long for them to congregate. He can’t blame them. Cao Huan isn’t just playing the guqin, he’s speaking with it, telling a story with it, the music unfolding in a heart-wrenching requiem.

He plays for so long, a single, unbroken stream of sound. Song Lan can almost hear the words, not soothing as he expects meditation to be, but mournful, tearing Song Lan apart with every note. He sees Qingyang in their audience, tears streaming down her face, and he wonders who she’s thinking of, if it’s someone specific or everyone they’ve lost.

Without warning, Cao Huan pushes the guqin away and in a fluid, graceful movement, stands and stalks away through his audience without a backward glance.

Song Lan packs up the guqin—he has no idea what he’s doing, but thankfully, it’s not that complicated—and, with a shrug to Qingyang, heads back to the empty room.

It doesn’t take as long as he expects for Cao Huan to find his way back. Song Lan is sitting on the bed, knitting a sock cuff, when he comes in the door. He flicks a smile at Cao Huan before going back to counting the ribbing repeats, trying to give him whatever space he needs, even here in this small room.

Cao Huan hovers by the door for a few minutes, and Song Lan pretends he doesn’t see the indecision and fear on his face.

“I can not seem to make the guqin do anything but weep anymore,” he finally says, and Song Lan sets down his knitting.

“You are entitled to your feelings,” he signs.

Cao Huan frowns. “What if I am not?”

There doesn’t seem to be an answer to that. Song Lan stands up and carefully kisses Cao Huan’s forehead. “You are. Even if they don’t make sense.”

Cao Huan sighs and rests his head on Song Lan’s shoulder, muffling his words. “What if I did something terrible? Unforgivable, even?”

We’ve all done terrible things, Song Lan thinks, but he isn’t sure if that’s actually true. Maybe other people have lived normal lives and never needed to seek revenge. Justice, he reminds himself. It was justice.

Song Lan smooths a hand up Cao Huan’s back, mapping the dips and ridges, tracing a path around his shoulder blade. He settles it against the nape of Cao Huan’s neck and rubs the tense muscle there.

“You are too good to me, Captain Song,” Cao Huan mumbles, and Song Lan huffs, a single sound of disbelief. Kindness has not been forefront in his thoughts recently.

“Would you be so kind if I’d killed someone?”

The words hang in the air, and Song Lan can feel Cao Huan’s body still, waiting, ready...to run? Ready to fight?

Song Lan rests his other hand on the center of Cao Huan’s back, massaging his thumb in a reassuring circle, a circle that means yes, I would, before he moves away just enough to sign.

“I killed someone—the man who took my voice and killed my partner, my love. He was a hired assassin, only doing his job, but I hunted him down and killed him anyway.”

He searches Cao Huan’s face for shock or censure, but all he finds is understanding, an ever-blooming field of empathy, and it’s a relief, such a relief to admit this vicious secret, the worst thing he’s ever done.

“I don’t regret it. If I could have killed his patron, I would have. I don’t think you’re the kind of man who would kill without reason, but even if you are, it’s your choice to let it consume you or make peace with yourself.”

There’s so much else Song Lan could say. That he’d planned to kill Xiandu, even though the assassin claimed the hit hadn’t been his order. That he cried when he learned the man was dead; he hadn’t cared how it had happened, only that it had. That he’d been drunk for days afterward, both in relief he did understand and despair he didn’t. That peace is a daily battle.

Cao Huan leans into Song Lan, hugging him around the waist. When he finally does speak again, his words are small and brittle eggshells.

“I loved him, and I hated him. And yet, killing him is not the most unforgivable thing I have done. What is unforgivable is that I did not do it sooner. What is unforgivable is that I love him still. And hate him still. What is unforgivable is that I am allowed...expected...to go on with my life as though I did nothing wrong.”

The last words break away in a bitter snap, and Song Lan frowns. He sits Cao Huan down on the bed and crouches down to look at him, at the tear streaks on his cheeks. Gently, he dabs them with his sleeve.

“Huan-ge. You and I get to live with our mistakes. You and I are alive to forgive ourselves and the people we loved. It’s not unforgiveable to live.”

He only half believes it himself, but he hopes if he says it enough, eventually it’ll be true.

Cao Huan doesn’t look convinced either, but he touches Song Lan’s face, and it seems to steady him. The tears stop falling, at least.

“I...I…” He tries to say something and fails. A wan smile flutters over his lips, barely long enough for Song Lan to be sure it was ever there. “You are good, Lan-er.” The smile tries again and sticks this time, slow and resolute, and it reaches the deepest places inside Song Lan, places he has tried to close off. “Thank you.”

When they finally go to bed, it’s only to sleep. Although, with Cao Huan’s fingers fitted between his, Cao Huan’s legs tangled together with his, “only” doesn’t seem like a fair word for the way it feels to sense a new planet forming around him, and Song Lan is afraid he doesn’t know how to face the swiftly shifting landscape of his life.

[drakepillow94]

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