#which by the way im obsessed with my ocs. completely

[hana-no-seiiki]

but like midnight darling with popular boy! reader though (inspired by our lord and savior @heartfullofleeches ‘s post about breeding)

for new readers: midnight darling is where my yan! college based ocs come from. you can read more about them via the first tag to this post or my masterlist

everyone would be goddamn pregnant. literally and figuratively. you’d think reader would be cautious enough to use protection since they sleep with so many people but nope! it just feels better when they do it raw yknow?

it’s come to the point that the goons made a system to prevent you (and by extension them) from getting an std at the very least by examining every single person on the campus daily.

dw they’re rich they can handle it.

in any case, by the time you reached your third year you’ve already impregnated most students and all of the teaching faculty with wombs. you’re literally a baby away from causing a crisis equal to those dodgy fertility clinics and the government from hounding your ass.

for some reason none of the rich kid’s parents sue you because like child, like parent they are super obsessed with you and particularly the genes you’d provide their family. besides it’s nothing a quick cover-up can’t handle.

like the only reason you haven’t been sent to jail is because you have connections to many people in power (mostly parents that wanted your sperm).

you had your doubts about your safety until you overheard in a dinner with crisanto salvador (main yan! rich kid) of his dad asking him if they could somehow implant a womb in the poor guy just to hold your baby. (which actually leads to advancements in reproductive technology in the future, im seriously tempted to change the mc’s canonical sex since it makes sense now oh god-)

there are some of the insane yans that use your child as a threat to keep you theirs in which you retaliated by using other yans to save your children.

cold-hearted or not, those babies are completely innocent and your responsibility, so as much as possible you do everything in your power to keep them out of harm’s way.

…

there’s definitely an underground market for your jizz i’m sorry-

©️ hana.no.seiiki - yun | 2023

[awrkive]

hey hey!! congrats on almost 1k and 2k for cn&bl <33 here i am again obsessed w the cn&bl couple! could i please request a drabble for them! maybe something super fluffy and a dash of smut 🫣 anything along the lines of them out in public or whatevs hahah

jk and oc’s relationship a secret no more LOLZIES (jk being completely down bad and being teased but in a friendly way??) any setting and time of the day! excited for anything you come up w, tysm!! <3

summary: cnbl!oc brings cnbl!jk lunch after his bb practice

wc: 1.8k

note: no smut but its super cute ))))))))))): this ask has been in my inbox for so long im really sorrry for only getting to it now 😭 nonetheless i hope u guys enjoy

‼️FULL FIC HERE

The tuna sandwich you made two weeks ago surprisingly became a favorite of Jungkook, which you didn't see coming, because he was a good cook (he truly did prove you wrong) and you were a shit one in comparison. To be fair, making a sandwich isn't totally cooking but you still season the tuna and that was cooking in your opinion but anyway, Jungkook loved it so much he kept on asking you for it whenever he came over.

Never had anyone validated your cooking before, only Jungkook, and you couldn't lie and say it didn't boost your ego whenever he ate it almost rather enthusiastically, and then kissed you sweetly (albeit smelling like tuna) and saying thank you with that adorable smile of his.

So today, you may have accidentally made five tuna sandwiches and bought way too much Chinese food that is anything but for individual consumption. Because today, you may be going to the gym to get lunch with Jungkook on his break.

[12:30pm] You: It's your lunch break, right? Are you still practicing?

[12:32pm] Kook🐰: hi baby we finished just now it'slunch break i go to class at 2pm

[12:32pm] Kook🐰: have u eaten should we get lunch together

[12:35pm] Kook🐰: i got starbucks coupon yesterdat👺

[12:35pm] Kook🐰: yesteeday

[12:35pm] Kook🐰: yesterday

[12:35pm] You: I'm coming to the gym

Turning off your phone after that brief exchange, you tiptoed a little to spot the gym.

It was almost crazy to think that once upon a time you've never stepped a foot in there, but nowadays it has become almost like a routine, no thanks to constantly hanging out with Jungkook. And it wasn't just you going to his "thing", either, it was also him fetching you from the publication office or bringing you food there.

It's a rather big shift from keeping your relationship a secret to everyone else from… effortlessly flaunting it to everybody. But no, you wouldn't really call it flaunting. Flaunting meant you have every intention to make everyone know, but that wasn't the case for you both. Not at all. It was more of like: "They see us, then they see us. Who cares?" and personally it was hard to not care the first few weeks, especially when you would hear your name from the girls' gossips in the women's comfort room. But the talks died down eventually and finally, no one cares now about the girl Jungkook's hanging out with.

Anyhow, it was nice to not… hide anymore. Or pretend that you didn't know each other in the hallways. Jungkook liked it as much. You think.

As you reach the gym, you see Taehyung near the entrance door. It looks like he just changed out of his jersey, his fringes wet.

"Hi," you greet, waving at him.

"Oh, __, hey," Taehyung looks up from his phone to look at you then grins. "Jungkook's inside." He says, gesturing with his thumb. His eyes train to the lunch bag in your hand and the familiar plastic bag of a Chinese restaurant across the street. Wiggling his eyebrows, he teases, "Is that for him? Sweet."

You immediately roll your eyes at that. "Shut up, Tae."

Additionally, one of the big shifts in your life the past few months was finding a close friend in Jungkook's friends. Taehyung and you have been getting closer these days, enough for you to comfortably exchange sarcastic remarks about each other. Turns out, he was an extremely fun guy to be around and get this, he knows Letterboxd. How cool is that! (Though he still really holds that time you didn't show up at your coffee hang against you. He brings it up every single time and you'd have to treat him to a cafe some weeks.)

Taehyung laughs and brings his hands up, jokingly surrendering. "Kidding, kidding. He's waiting for you inside. Gotta go, though. 1pm class."

You nod. "See you around, Tae."

You thought he was gonna go scram but he looked at you one last time and said, "Don't do anything funny in there."

Heat goes through your body, settling to your cheeks. Taehyung really gets on your nerves, it makes so much sense that he was close friends with Jungkook.

"Shut up, I hate you and Hyerin deserves so much better." You say spitefully, referring to the woman he's been going on dates with recently, rolling your eyes once again as Taehyung just laughed his ass off, walking further away.

Ugh. You really wish he didn't walk in on you and Jungkook three days ago. To be fair, Jungkook forgot to lock his room (again!) when you were fooling around and Taehyung was a neanderthal who didn't know how to knock. So cue Taehyung joking about it whenever the opportunity came.

"Hey!"

You turn around to see Jungkook jogging towards you, still in his jersey with a towel hanging around his neck. Some of his team mates are also hanging around the benches. As if just having noticed you as well, they wave at you and say a chorus of "Hi"s and "What's up, __"s which you returned with a smile and a greeting back.

Jungkook greets you personally with a wet kiss on the lips.

"Hi, pretty."

"Hey, you," You greet back, swiping his bangs off his forehead. You quickly retreat. "You're so sweaty. Wipe your forehead."

Jungkook does it so. "Done." he looks down at the things you've got in your hand. "You brought me lunch?" He says, a grin plastered all over his face.

You hold your arms up with the bags. "Yeah. Chinese and tuna sandwiches. I thought we could eat here or something."

His grin only spreads wider at your words, and you can only mirror his smile. He was so smily today.

"You mean your tuna sandwiches? Fuck, I could kiss you right now. Thank you." He says enthusiastically, wrapping his arm around your waist and leading you to the bleachers.

You followed him and you settled on your usual spot where you've eaten one of your lunches before. It was quite far away from the area where the other guys were seated.

"It's nothing. I made a lot this morning because my classes got canceled." You say, unzipping the lunch bag with the sandwiches in it. You give him one and open another yourself, taking out the pack of mayo to put it in between the bread.

"Hm, fuck, these are so good. Seriously. You should start a food business." Jungkook comments, munching on the sandwich.

You chuckle. "No, what the hell. I need to have a variety in the menu if I start something. I just can't sell sandwiches."

Jungkook shrug. "Eh, it could be like a special thing. __ Sandwich Exclusive Cafe. Something like that. Or just post these online, I'll go tell my friends about it and you'll get rich in a week. I have a celebrity friend."

Your laughter becomes louder, shoulders moving up and down.

"You sound like a crypto scammer that way. You should've started with, "Are you open-minded?" and that would've sold me."

Jungkook snorts at that, grabbing another sandwich from the bag. You take a dumpling from the take-out and extended it to his mouth, which he opens to take the food you offered him.

"If dad cuts me off completely I'll be one of those crypto dudes on Twitter, so you're not totally wrong."

You both laugh at that, with you pushing him slightly on his bicep.

"Well, I'll help you scam people, then. I'll be the one commenting on your tweets and vouching for your legitimacy."

Jungkook nods, pretending like he was thinking about it. "Hm. Or I can start an OnlyFans if it fails so that I can still give you your boba everyday."

You can't help but giggle.

"You know I always appreciate your sacrifice. Maybe we can start a Pornhub channel if I couldn't get admitted to law school."

Jungkook lets out a "tsk!". "Don't say that. With the way you study, you'll be overqualified." It was his turn to give you a dumpling then, which you ate just as quickly as he offered it. Jungkook smiles as he watches you chew on it. "But if it counts, I won't be opposed to us starting a Pornhub channel."

You search through the Chinese take out bags again to find your fried rice. As you did so, you opened it, not forgetting to reply to Jungkook and looking at him as you say, "Well, I'll have to practice my porn moan for that."

And just as soon as you said that you knew he already had something dirty to utter, and he doesn't fail you.

"Maybe we can practice tonight…" He said, voice intentionally going octave deeper.

You chuckle at his predictability.

"I knew you were gonna say that."

Before he could deny how predictable he was or brag about how quick-witted he was, you heard a bunch of footsteps on the court.

"Hey, Jeon! We're going!" Says one guy, looking at you both.

Jungkook turns to look at them and shouts back, "Yeah, see you around, Mingyu!"

"__!" They call you.

When you looked at them, they nodded, ready to leave, announcing their departure so you wave at them goodbye.

When they were out of sight, you asked Jungkook, "Hey, what's that about your Starbucks coupon?"

As if remembering something, Jungkook's eyes widened a little as he takes his phone from his pocket. "Oh, yeah I got one yesterday. Here." He looked inside his phone case and took out a card.

You leaned down to study it curiously, reading the benefits of the card holder getting a $50 token.

"Ohh, that's amazing! How'd you get this? I want one too."

Jungkook let you take the card and looked at it with you. "I don't really know, the barista just gave me this after I got some latte."

Oh. Hm. Interesting. You bet it was a woman barista.

"Hmm."

Jungkook shrugs. "It's probably because I gave her the exact amount of the payment in cash. I don't know."

Her. Exactly. She was probably the same barista who always looked at Jungkook funny whenever you two came there. She had an obvious crush and you couldn't really blame her. But it was funny, that Jungkook thought it was because he gave the exact amount of payment in cash the barista decided to give him a gift card. You would think his lowkey fuckboy ways would tell him that a woman likes him, but he was so clueless sometimes. If you were honest to yourself, you'd admit it was cute.

"You can be so clueless at times, Kook." You say, patting his shoulder.

"Huh?" He looks at you with that wide eyes of his, and boy, he really doesn't suspect a thing.

You shake your head. "Nothing."

You pat his head and Jungkook squints his eyes at you. You laugh at the little exchange and Jungkook's hand extends up to hold yours up his face and you tried to pull back, giggling, thinking he was gonna do something gross like bite your hand but he only presses his mouth to your palm, holding it against his face.

You smile. Soft and gentle.

"Dinner later at my place?" Jungkook says.

You nod.

It was hard to deny someone who makes your heart go all weird when he looked at you like that.

"Sure."

all rights reserved © AWRKIVE , 2023

[jeonfiles]

sweetest apparition 01│ jjk

pairings: nerd!jungkook x popular!female reader

genre: angst with a bit of fluff and a bittersweet ending (and the tamest smut you’ve ever read)

synopsis: he admired you from a distance. everyone did. you're serene, words dance like ballerinas of your tongue, stars aligning when you laugh, the wind was made to sway with your hair, you were just too good for the world, and you would never know his name.

warnings: !! graphic deceptions of domestic abuse!! , jungkook is a little too in love, oc is kinda obsessed too, mentions of alcohol and drug abuse

wc: 12k oops

a/n: if you're triggered by domestic abuse pls don't read, i will write other stories without a single mention of it soon, im sorry i love you :( this story is just everything i wanted to write for so long and i hope you don't think its cliche lol

++ started writing this in 2021 and it took me so long to finish

masterlist │ my cc

14 days

A loud smack echoed in the dark living room, the smell of alcohol making him sick to his stomach, cheek red from the impact. He carefully held his palm up against his cheek as he prayed to god for someone to save him from this awful household, and his father's clutch.

Jungkook wasn't a crier, he had grown accustomed to the lack of parental love, yet it still stung a little when he heard his father curse at him, questioning why he even had kids. Dragging his feet down the wood-covered halls, Jungkook scrunched his nose in disgust as he saw mold growing on the walls, and he had no idea what to do with it.

His feet took him all the way to his room, dimly lit up with a little nightlight he had bought at the town's annual festival, and next to it was a birthday card from a few years back, which you had given him. He wasn't a stalker, it was just the only birthday card he had gotten from anyone. You were both 11 back then, and Jungkook had invited the whole grade to a party at his grandma's house.

No one showed up the first 20 minutes, and Jungkook cried in his grandma's arms until the doorbell rang, and a sniffling Jungkook opened the door to see you, smiling brightly, stretching out your birthday card with two ten thousand won bills paper-clipped inside.

Jungkook appreciated how you didn't pity him that day, how you didn't even ask about the other guests' absence. You just devoured the chocolate cake together, both laughing at each other and your glaze-stained faces. You never spoke to Jungkook afterward, yet you still left the biggest mark in his heart, and he would never, ever in his life forget you, and how you lit up a broken little boy's heart forever.

Tears prickling in his eyes, blinking them away, gone as fast as they came. He went to sleep early that night, knowing he would see you tomorrow, possibly the only thing keeping him from completely giving up. You were his everything, the light of his life, shimmer in his eyes, despite you not remembering his name. He didn't care, he would just continue fantasizing till it swallows him whole.

13 days

The front strands of your ponytail fell down in your face as you laughed joyously, bubbles brewing in his stomach as he tightened his grip on the book he was reading, The Lover by Marguerite Duras, a disturbing book, which he wasn't focusing on at all.

You were laying down in the grass, frilly pink skirt and a white top, summer breeze warm and comforting, as you giggled with two of your many friends, Jihan and Sooyoung.

The two last weeks of school before the summer break was your favorite, your report cards had been handed out and the school didn't require you to wear uniforms either, so you could wear all the pretty clothes you had bought, preparing for the hot weather.

A guy approached you, which Jungkook recognized as Kim Taehyung, your best friend, with who you were very comfortable, a bit too much for Jungkook's liking.

His whole stomach twisted into a harsh knot when he threw his arms playfully around her neck, quite literally, because he could feel his breakfast come up his throat as he gripped onto the bench, hurling onto the grass. In some ways, he knew it was coming. He had felt the weird feeling in his stomach since he woke up.

"Oh god... Look at Jungkook!" Jihan chuckled, a vicious tone in her laugh. A frown formed on your face, feeling bad for him, so you loosened yourself from Taehyung as you reached for your purse to approach him.

"Jihan." You gave her a cold stare, and she looked away awkwardly, "I'll be back soon." Already rushing over to the boy who was about to wipe his mouth with his hand.

"You shouldn't-!" You exclaim, and he freezes. He's still hanging, face facing the grass, huddled over the bench, saliva dripping from his mouth, probably an attempt to get rid of the gruesome taste.

Jungkook slowly turned his head to face you, and his whole body froze when he met your sympathetic gaze. Digging through your purse you found makeup wipes, holding one out for him to grab. He didn't take it, so you leaned forward to wipe his mouth yourself. "Yuck, this must've been horrible. Are you okay?" You smiled as the tissue met the corner of his mouth, with no trace of disgust on your face.

He didn't try to pull back either, he was so mesmerized by your face up close, he genuinely thought his fantasies had finally swallowed him whole.

Jungkook had an unreadable expression on his face, he was pale like milk, and you felt worried and contemplated calling for a teacher, but you realized they could probably not do any more than you could, considering you were outside of campus, in the park on the other side of town for another foolish class outing.

Placing the used wipe on the bench next to him, he winced and moved a little away from it, and you just felt relieved that he wasn't completely dead. You grabbed a water bottle from your purse, holding it for him so he could drink. It was a hot summer day, the scorching heat had probably gotten to him, lips dry like sandpaper.

He took a few sips, hesitating for a while until he kept drinking. "You must've been so lightheaded, you have to take care of yourself." He only nodded in response. You threw the wipes away and buttered up your hands in hand sanitizer and hand cream before getting comfortable on the bench next to Jungkook.

"Sorry if you don't want me next to you, but I don't think you should be alone like this. You have anyone who can pick you up?" He pondered on your question, only for a short while, until he realized, he had absolutely no one.

"No." He spoke dryly, voice weak and vulnerable. It made you want to protect him, but all you did was sit back in silence, placing your hand on Jungkook's knee, and he grimaced in pain, letting out a small whine.

"Shit, I´m so sorry!" You pulled your hand away, smiling apologetically. Your friends looked at you, questioning looks on their faces as to why you were sitting next to someone like Jungkook.

You brushed them off, and Jungkook crossed his arms protectively, and you felt a pang of guilt. He had only uttered a single word to you, as simple as "No."

When he lifted his arms up, you took it as an opportunity to let your eyes wander, noticing how frail the boy was, how his skin was light as day, and his bicep covered in a purple bruise on his arm, you couldn't help but think he had been sick for a while.

"Let's move out of the sun." You smiled, standing up and taking his hand, and he slowly got up, and you offered a second hand to help him get stable.

His legs were wobbly, the emotions were too much for him. He was holding your hand, you were caring for him, just like you did many years back. You hadn't changed, you were still an angel and not a product of his imagination.

The tears that had been welling up in his eyes last night finally came to the surface, endlessly rolling down his cheeks. You could nearly feel the sting as you heard his quiet sobbing and saw his cheeks turn splotchy red.

He looked embarrassed, mortified actually. You quickly placed his arm over your shoulder, as you started walking away from the open areas of the park. The bus station was close by, so you walked away from the park and your teachers, and none of you seemed to care.

A bus you took quite often luckily passed by, and you waved for it to stop, and of course, the bus driver stopped for you, a sight to behold, and you halted onto the bus with a sniffling Jungkook.

You both looked at each other, eyes widening when you realized that you had skipped school. Chuckling together, your heart warmed up, finally, he was smiling.

You wiped his tear with his thumb as you swore you would protect him from all danger. You both went separate ways that evening after you paid for some cheap mediocre sandwiches at the gas station, not talking much.

12 days left

The next time you see Jungkook, it's no different from the first, he's in yet another pitiful situation, nervously picking up all the books he had just dropped on the ground when crashing into Moonbin, another sleaze who has tried it with you.

"Watch your step dweeb," Moonbin growled, placing a foot on Jungkook's shoulder, pushing him down so his head hits the gravel.

Poor Jungkook groaned in agony, throbbing pain as he rushed to pick up the rest of his books, muttering sorry over and over again.

"Moonbin, what the fuck is your problem?" You stepped in, his saving angel. God had sent you to aid him, he was sure of it. "What has he ever done to you?" You spat, standing between the two boys.

Moonbin was a good 6'3, his height a little intimidating, yet you didn't budge. "Y/N-ah, seriously, stay out of it." His expression softened at the sight of you, and it only made you even angrier, stepping with full force on his foot, making him yell in agony, the little heel crushing his toes.

"Jungkook is my friend, and you don't mess with my friends." You smiled proudly, shooing Moonbin and his bruised ego away before you sat down on the ground with Jungkook, who looked at you like you possessed the world's greatest treasures.

You knew his name. You, Y/N Y/L/N, knew his name. He could squeal in happiness any second, luckily his throbbing headache kept him grounded, adoration glazing his pretty eyes. He had a little bruise on his forehead from the gravel, luckily no blood, and you didn't dare touch it, afraid Jungkook would cry out in pain again like he did two days ago.

You followed him to the bathroom, offering to hold his stuff for him, even his phone, case decorated in Undertale and Zelda stickers, and you laughed to yourself as you traced the stickers with your fingers. Out of a sudden, the buzzes from his phone wouldn't stop, and you flipped his phone around to see series of messages on his lock screen.

Dad 04:37pm

Where are you

You idior come home or i'l, throw your shit ouvt

Ungsteful brat no wonder your mom left tou

Heart dropping to the floor, you dismissed the messages and pretended you had never even seen them, scared Jungkook would close up again as he had finally started talking to you.

When he exited the bathroom, you pretended you hadn't seen anything, yet the lump in your stomach just grew bigger every time you looked at him. You started noticing, how his eyes were puffy, bags under his eyes, one cheek redder than the other, how skinny Jungkook was, and it made you shiver.

"A-are you.. alright?" He asked softly, and you only nodded, pressing your books up against your chest, trying to suppress whatever emotions you so desperately wanted to show.

He followed you home that evening, and you nearly cried out for him not to leave, not to go home to his dad who's texts had scared the living daylights out of you, so you reached for his hand.

"Stay for a while?" You pleaded, smiling, and he could see a little hurt in your eyes. He wanted to, so badly. Then he realized that he had a father at home, so he shook his head.

"I'm sorry, my dad wants me home." And you could hear the fear in his voice as he got ready to leave. His lips reduced into a thin line as you pouted.

"Give me your number at least." You smiled, despite being afraid, and he obliged, typing his number in on your phone, being extremely cautious because of the price of your new iPhone 12, while he was stuck with the iPhone 5.

He turned on his heel, and you couldn't stop him. He slipped out of your hands, your grip. You gulped, watching him walk till he was out of sight. You tossed and turned the whole night, which you never did, you always fell asleep in minutes. You were worried, a few dry cries probably left your mouth.

11 days left

He was present in class the next morning, a feeling of relief as you saw him with his nose down in another book, yet he looked even more defeated than yesterday. He ignored your smiles, he just looked at you with a dead expression and pushed his glasses up his nose, throwing his hoodie over his head, looking back down into his books.

Class ended, and you gracefully walked over to Jungkook's desk, because it seemed like he had no intention of getting up. "I made extra lunch this morning so we could share. You never eat during break so-"

"Y/N, leave." He pointed at the door, all the other students leaving, signaling for you to leave with them, you refused, and pulled out a chair to sit in front of him.

"You're all skin and bones, Jungkook. Let's enjoy this meal together, I can be silent if you want." You shrugged, grabbing two bento boxes from your backpack.

"Why do you care? Don't you have friends you should be spending time with?" Jungkook spat, not even willing to look you in the eyes.

You just kept smiling, opening the boxes carefully and handing him a pair of chopsticks, "You're my friend too, Kook-ah," and he accepted, a small grin appearing on his face.

He loves you, he absolutely loves you. He doesn't even mind that you feel nothing for him, you are so, so perfect. Jungkook could stare at you all day, letting your beauty sink in time and time again. He wants to hold you because you're so close to him, but he knows that you're two worlds apart, no matter the distance between you two.

You could hold him so tight he'd turn blue and you'd still be so god damn far away, you were so out of his league, as cliche as it sounds, it's completely true.

Eating together in silence as you promised. Jungkook was completely engulfed in your sweet, silent beauty, how you resembled a wave that hits the shore with such ease, splashing everywhere, landing as simple drops of water, which couldn't hurt anyone.

You weren't loud and outrageous, you enjoy moments of silence, you love everything enclosed, safe and sound company, exactly like Jungkook.

"You wanna come to my house today?" You break the comfortable silence.

"I can't." He replies, sounding awfully sad.

You could ask why, but you chose not to. You didn't want to pick scabs off wounds you couldn't see, so you waited till he told you yourself. Hoping he would.

"Okay. You have my number though, can we text tonight?" You smile, knowing it's weird to ask someone to text you, but Jungkook was weird too, so it didn't matter.

He nodded and continued reading a book you knew nothing about. You appreciate a good book, classics like Catcher in the Rye, and How to kill a mocking bird, but it seemed like Jungkook had taken the next step into the world of literature.

He made you happy, his company felt good. Nothing could hurt you now, yet everything could hurt Jungkook, and you swore you felt nauseous just thinking about it. You knew what was happening in his home, but you needed him to tell you, trust you, before you could help him. Give him what he deserves, he just needs to hang in there for a little while longer.

"Can't we skip school tomorrow, we can do something then? It won't affect our report cards!" You shake him excitedly, yet carefully, like he's fragile

"They'll call home, my parents are already mad at me for a bad grade I got last week." Jungkook sighs, closing the book he was reading. He lets out a weak, quiet yawn.

You think he's pretty like this, eyes puffy and lips pouted, hair messy, glasses resting on his nose. Jungkook has the most beautiful eyes you've ever seen, and you swore to god you could drown in them.

10 days left

See tags for warnings.

He dragged his feet down the pavement of a busy street, trapping onto his heavy backpack. It was a long walk since he had missed the bus home from school. He was tired today, even worse than yesterday. The summer sun was frying him alive, forehead covered in drops of sweat, hair sticking to his forehead.

Wearing a sweater and jeans was probably not the most comfortable choice, but sure as hell the most secure one. He hated his legs, and his arms covered in purple and blue bruises, and how he wasn't fit at all, in fact, he had never entered a gym before.

Sometimes, he'd take the long way home. He tried to convince himself that it was for health reasons, that he needed the extra steps because all he did was stay in his room. Jungkook knew it was untrue. The only reason he took the long way home is because of his father and his unpredictable mood swings. Sometimes, he'd be in a good mood. He might even offer Jungkook the remote and the best spot in the sofa after a long school day.

Today, he was just so exhausted he even took a shortcut. He just needed a nap and something to eat. Opening the front door, he carefully stepped inside. His dad was on the back porch, smoking a cigarette and listening to the radio. Jungkook couldn't tell what kind of mood he was in. When he went to get something to eat, the fridge was nearly empty. Just some cheese and a few jars of jam. Maybe he could find some crackers to eat it with.

Looking closer at the cheese, it was expired. There were no crackers in the cupboard either. He had to approach his dad and see what mood he was in. Slowly sliding the glass door open, he called out with his softest voice:

"Dad?" His voice quivered.

His father turned around abruptly, seeing his son in the doorway. "What do you want now? I can't drive you to school if that's what you're gonna ask me. If you missed the bus you can walk." Jungkook heard his voice getting more irritable towards the end of the sentence.

He had to be so so careful.

"Uh, no... I just got home from school." He stopped to think for a while and his dad raised his eyebrows. "There's no food in the fridge. I was just gonna remind you that you need to go to the grocery store."

Jungkook´s father stood up, pushing his chair back.

"Who are you to tell me what I need to do?" He came closer and Jungkook braced himself. "You're just like your useless mother. Can't do anything on your own." He hadn't raised his voice yet.

"Sorry... M´sorry..." Jungkook muttered underneath his breath. At some point in his life he stopped defending his mom. It was somewhat true. She was useless, at least to him. She had ran away from her husband, Jungkook´s father, and started a new family with a nice husband. She deserved all of that at the time and promised to come back for Jungkook once everything was settled a few weeks later.

She never came.

"I can't believe I messed my life up so bad. Look at your mother running away from her own son, to think that I married her! Even worse, look at the son that I raised. Such a weak and sad boy. I can't even call you a man." He was yelling and Jungkook knew he was only seconds away from hurting him again.

Jungkook couldn´t even bother replying before his head hit the porch floor. He was still conscious and his dad pulled him up by the collar for another round.

When he was done, Jungkook limped his way into his bedroom and his dad sunk back into his chair and turned up the music even louder. He sat down in his bed and slowly took his hood off, wincing from the pain. His mind drifted elsewhere and landed on the thought of you. How your kindness and care could have calmed him down in seconds.

He picked up his phone and looked at the text from you from last night.

Y/N 9:17 pm - Yesterday

Hi Jungkook, how are you? ❤️ I can see that you're reading these :( Read 9:19

Jungkook 5:45 pm

Sorry. Hi. To be honest I could be better. How about you?

Y/N 5:49 pm

Happy you replied and sad to hear that you're not doing well. I really want you to come to my house tomorrow 🙏 I even told my parents that I made a new friend who's not related to my current friend circle and they couldn't be happier!! Pretty pretty pleaseee

Jungkook hesitated for a while. Considering his dad couldn't even grasp that it was 4 pm when he came home and not 7 in the morning makes him believe that he won't notice his absence for a few hours tomorrow. And even if he did, it would be worth it.

Jungkook 5:57 pm

Fineee

Y/N 5:58 pm

Yayy I can't wait!!

For the first time in a while, Jungkook wasn't dreading waking up in the morning.

9 days left

Jungkook 1:22 pm

Should we meet a slight distance away from school or should I just go directly to your house?

Y/N 1:25 pm

What are u saying? Meet me by the main entrance and we'll walk together!!

And so he did. You walked out the main entrance with your entire friend group and you smiled brightly as your eyes met with his. He was caught off guard by your lack of shame. "See you guys tomorrow!" You smiled brightly, and all your friends stared back with a confused look as you skipped towards Jungkook.

"What are you doing?" Jihan exclaimed. You turned around to her and looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "I´m gonna hang out with my friend!" All of your friends looked at you funny and you pushed Jungkook along.

"Sorry they're being such idiots to you. I try to make them stop but I think they have some deep rooted insecurities." You chuckled after a while of silence.

"It´s fine." Jungkook forced a smile and looked you in the eyes.

"No, it's really not fine and you need to stop saying that." You came to a halt and he turned to you. He didn't say anything and you couldn't read his facial expressions.

He knew he was dead silent and you probably thought it was weird. Only right now was he taking in how beautiful this side of town was. Large mansion style houses with three cars parked outside each house, modern communal parks and clean streets. You fit in so perfectly here.

If he closed his eyes real tight and concentrated very hard he could imagine himself as a family man in one of these stunning houses. Maybe he could own a Benz that he could take his kids to school in. They would never take the bus and they'd always come home to open arms and a homemade meal on the table.

Warm and lighthearted conversations at the dining table with his wife and children, everything his mom and dad couldn't give him. A pat on the back if they fail a test and not a slap in the face. That's what he wanted to give his children.

Jungkook was lost in thought and so were you. You were stood there thinking about how stunningly pretty Jungkook was. When you were close to him it was almost heartbreaking how it hasn't been appreciated more. How his face belonged on a canvas. That's what you thought of him. You aren't the type to stay silent when you really mean something. For some reason the words just don't come out the right way when you're with him.

"Are your parents home?" He questioned as you kept walking.

"My mom probably. My dad will be home for dinner."

The rest of the evening goes smoothly. Your mom loves Jungkook and constantly gushes about how well mannered he is. Your dad appreciates that he only speaks when he is spoken to and that he has realistic ambitions. You spend most of your time in the upstairs living room playing a stupid board game and watching a dumb sitcom.

It's quiet most of the time but the both of you can feel that you enjoy each others company. Just simply co-existing and not being alone feels nice for the both of you.

As Jungkook is putting his shoes on to leave, your mom walks in. "Jungkook-ah, why don't you come over for dinner tomorrow as well? You're such a pleasure to have as a guest." She proposes, and he nods.

"If Y/N wants to spend time with me two days in a row." He chuckles slightly.

"You know I do."

He smiles, you exchanged goodbyes and he shuts the door behind him. Both you and your mom stay silent for a while before she breaks the silence.

"I hope this boy isn't a pity project to you, honey. You can obviously see that he's struggling and you can't just leave him behind when you're bored of him. He needs you more than you need him." She places her cold hand on your shoulder as she leaves you standing in the hallway.

You're not so sure that he really needs you more than you need him, because you so desperately need a friend.

8 days left

"Jungkookie, can I tell you a secret?" You're situated on your queen bed with floral sheets, both sitting with your legs crossed like 5th grade girls. Jungkook looked up and raised an eyebrow curiously at you as he nodded slowly.

"I was hanging with the wrong crowd a while ago. Not that I'm hanging out with the right crowd now, but you get the expression." You chewed your bottom lip nervously before you continue. "You know when I left school for a month to go to the Caribbeans?"

He lifted his eyebrows and widened his eyes in a "Yes... And?" type of way.

"I wasn´t in the Caribbeans. I was in rehab. An old friend of mine overdosed and I had to get drug tested. I tested positive on coke and my parents shipped me straight off to rehab." His expression softened as he placed a hand on your knee just like you had done to him a few days earlier.

"I was so mad at the time, I wanted to get emancipated from my parents. Today, I'm grateful. Grateful that they helped me so I didn't have to suffer the same fate as my friend." You sigh so deeply you could feel tears stinging in your eyes, but you managed to keep them down.

"Why´d you do it? Take the drugs I mean?" Jungkook asked ever so carefully, and you knew he only meant well.

"I guess I wanted to feel something." You shrug. "I think that´s why everyone does drugs in one way or another. To either feel or not feel." You smile sheepishly.

"What's your secret?" Feeling a little vulnerable and naked, you divert the attention to him. Maybe you're hoping to hear something about his dad. If he hurts Jungkook. That's what you suspect by the clothes Jungkook wears in this hot weather. How he always tugs at his sleeves.

"I want to study nursing." You stare at him and he knows it not as interesting as what you told him. "I haven't told anyone, ever. Maybe it's not what you wanted to hear but to me it's a secret." He stared down in his lap, not meeting your gaze. Chipping at the loose skin around a sore on his hand.

"That's really cool Kook-ah. I'm happy I'm the first to know." He looks back up at you. "Where have you applied?"

"I applied to PNU but tuition wise I think INJE or Dong-A is more realistic."

All of the universities he has applied to are all in Busan and you swore you could hear your own heart shatter. "Busan, really?"

"My aunt lives there and offered to let me stay with her for the first years of my studies." He chimed happily. "I guess I don't have the best relationship with my dad."

You decided not to push it, not to ask any questions quite yet.

"How about you Y/N-ah?" You liked the way your name slipped of his tongue so gently.

"I´ve already accepted my spot at Yonsei. I'm gonna study dentistry, so I guess we'll be in the healthcare field together." You smile, but you can't help that you're looking quite disappointed. In some ways you were hoping for Jungkook to be your forever friend, not a friend you occasionally see whenever you're in each others cities.

"When are you leaving for Busan?" You question.

"After summer, I guess."

7 days left

The empty desk in the classroom makes your insides feel like they're gonna twist and turn and send your breakfast back up your throat. His empty desk.

The two of you had grown abnormally close over the past few days, texting all night and spending the daytime together in some kind of way. Maybe it's because neither of you know how healthy friendships are supposed to be paced, you feel like you've been friends forever.

The entire day went by and all you heard was the tuned out noise of your loud friends yelling across the lunch table with nothing interesting to say at all. Only shit talk and gossip. There's always a new guy or girl to talk shit about. Usually, you wouldn't participate in the chitchat, so they didn't notice your sullen mood today.

No matter how much you tried to paint yourself as a saint or a saviour, you only saw an accomplice when you looked in the mirror. You had the power to make them stop picking on so many people, in some way, they saw you as their leader. Maybe they'd abandon you at some point, but wouldn't it be worth it?

Despite the fact that you never encouraged it, you never stopped them either. So you weren't better than them in any way although you liked to believe so. You liked the validating feeling of them obeying the things you told them to do, and you guessed that´s why you're too scared to confront them. You're scared that they'll rebel against you and leave you behind.

Y/N 11:21 am

Kook-ah, where are u?

Jungkook 11:24 am

At home The walk back from your house gave me a cold I think

Y/N 11:25 am

Oh no :( Get well soon and text me tn!! <3

You knew he was lying and you could feel your heart hurting from lunch time till you were in bed staring at the ceiling. "Honey! Dinner is ready!" Your mom yelled from downstairs, and you barely heard it through your door.

"Not hungry!" You yelled back, continuing the intense stare-off with your ceiling. Your mind explored deep and dark places when you were alone. Letting your mind slip back to your past or the worst experiences throughout your life was very typical of you to do.

The text message you sent to Jungkook is left unread. Until it isn't anymore.

Jungkook 8:21 pm

I really need you right now

You started blankly at the screen, heart pounding in your chest whilst typing your message.

Y/N 8:21 pm

Ofc, where r u???

Jungkook shared his location with you for 1 hour

You raced down the stairs, and your parents looked at you confusedly as you rushed past them and put on your running shoes in the hallway. You so badly wished you had your license. Darting out the door and slamming the door behind you, you weren't thinking straight. The air was cold for a summer night, but it was still bright out.

Jungkook lived on the other side of Goyang, a city right outside Seoul that you both resided in. Walking would probably take you 45 minutes at least. You didn't care. The wind ran through your hair as your breath was pacing. You made awfully loud noises as it was starting to get tiring. You refused to stop running, you couldn't stop running. Your body wouldn't let you.

The location Jungkook sent you was a park, and you guessed it was close to his house. Sometimes you picked up your phone for directions but you never stopped running, you only slowed down to a jog. A faint iron taste was present in your mouth and you were heaving for air, but he needed you.

Someone finally needs you.

You ran across busy roads, cars honking and people yelling out their car windows after you. At some point you even fell and twisted your ankle, but it only slowed you down slightly. At some point you start thinking of other means of transportation you could've turned to to get to him. This felt more rewarding.

"He needs me!" You yelled out like a crazy woman to motivate yourself as you picked up your pace.

"Your destination is 1 minute away." Your phone said from your back pocket. You looked around, and a bench with a silhouette sitting on it caught your eye. You ran over, head banging and feet sore.

You stopped abruptly in front of him, trying to catch your breath. You met his gaze. His teary-eyed gaze. All you could do was throw your arms around him and hold him ever so tightly. He sniffled into your cardigan and held you close.

He was gonna be okay. You didn't ask any questions that night.

6 days left

You were nibbling on a mozzarella stick your mom had packed in your lunchbox. Everyone else was eating the cafeteria food, but you couldn't stand the nauseating creamy pasta they served every other week. All your friends were talking about something you couldn´t focus on. Suddenly a few girls rushed over and shouted your name.

"YN-ah!! They're fighting over you!" You recognised a few of the girls; Jisoo, Heejin and Soomin. They had math class with you, and god, they were loud. Loud but kind. They´d always include you in their conversations since none of your friends were in that class.

You shook your head trying to come back to your senses. "Who is fighting over me?" You blurted out.

"Moonbin made the first punch but he punched back!" Heejin shook your shoulders and made you come with her. "Can you believe it?" She spoke yet again, dragging you down the hallway, your friends were right behind you.

"Who is the other guy?!" You refused to keep walking before they told you.

"Jungkook, obviously! He punched back!" They almost laughed in disbelief.

Jungkook. He was defending himself against Moonbin. The thought sent shivers down your spine. Moonbin was a self proclaimed professional in bathroom fighting. He'd fight anyone for any reason he could think of, just for the fun of it. He didn't leave Jungkook alone when you told him, in fact, it probably provoked him even more that you stood up against him a few days back.

The girls pulled you around the corner and into the mens bathroom. Moonbin had Jungkook by his collar, his nose was bleeding and there was blood on his blue shirt. He didn't look scared though. He looked completely and utterly numb. Moonbin turned around to see you in the doorway, and his face was pretty bruised up too considering the punch had only been thrown minutes ago.

"Moonbin, please stop!" You nearly screamed, choking on a sob. It only infuriated him more and he threw a gut punch at Jungkook. He winced in pain, and you let out a squeal as you could feel it slightly in your own stomach. The pain.

Taehyung came up behind you and you turned to him. "Please, for the love of god, stop them. For me." The tears were running down your face already, and he´d do anything for you if you asked. Taehyung rushed over and separated the two, and a few others who were watching helped hold Moonbin back. You followed close behind, and watched Jungkook slide down against the wall.

"Make them leave, please." You pleaded with Taehyung, and he obliged. He told everyone to get out as you fell to the floor next to Jungkook. You placed your hand on the cut on his lip and wiped the blood off.

"I´m so sorry. So god damn sorry." You sobbed uncontrollably at this point, and he was the one to comfort you when he was the one who was hurt. "Stop apologising." He held you this time.

"I keep making things worse for you. I act like some kind of saviour when I do the exact opposite." His gaze softens.

"It's worth it to me." He says, running his hands through your hair.

"You're worth it to me." You barely hear him saying it, but it's loud enough for you to hear. A soft, pained whisper.

"I think you're the best thing that ever happened to me." You reply.

5 days left

Jungkook was seated on the ottoman, his face covered in band aids and strips. You were twirling around outside the dressing room in a white summery maxi dress. "What about this one?" You question, doing an extra twirl.

"It's nice." He shrugs, letting his eyes wander down your body starting from the top. How the dress hugged you in the completely right places. Your hips and waist looked amazing, and he so badly wanted to touch you. Without the dress if he could, but he'd be more than satisfied with it on.

Your expression saddened as your mouth formed a frown. "Okay, should I be completely honest?" He asked seriously.

"Should I be scared?" You laughed. "Go ahead."

"I think it's beautiful. It's perfect. You're perfect." He said sheepishly. He meant it although he hesitated. You were so perfect. Jungkook hadn't been to the Louvre ever before, but he was sure that a painting of you would attract more attention than the Mona Lisa ever could.

He was sure people would travel from every corner of the world to see your face, even in a painting. Everyone who were lucky enough in person should be thanking the universe for blessing them with the opportunity.

"Really?" You beamed, heart pounding. "Is it okay for graduation?" You look down at yourself hesitantly, the cleavage of the dress maybe dipping down a bit too low.

"More than okay."

The sales assistant came to check up on you and her eyes lit up when she saw you in the dress. "It's gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. I think you need this."

"Honestly, I do too after such positive feedback." You giggled lightly. "Can you take his measurements and pick out a suit for him as well please?" You point at Jungkook seated on the green velour ottoman.

"Me?" He was flustered and looked you dead in the eyes.

"Yes, you silly." You smiled softly.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" He desperately pleaded with you with his eyes and pulled you aside.

"Y/N I can't afford this. I don´t know if you think that I have more money than I do but I seriously have to scrape together money for a new hoodie from H&M."

"No, god. I´m not making you pay when I dragged you all the way over here. Consider it a graduation gift. If not, salary for being my personal shopping assistant." You nudged his shoulder playfully.

"Look, I´ll wear some black pants that sort of look like suit pants and the school uniform shirt. I can't let you do this." He almost pushed you against the wall as he grasped both your shoulders. Unbothered, you pushed his hands off you.

"Can´t let my date wear something simple as that to graduation. My grandparents are gonna frame the pictures of me and you're gonna be in them. I want you to feel confident that day. You deserve it." You pull him in for a hug.

You walked back to the sales assistant. "Will you take him to get his measurements?" She nodded, and now it was your turn to sit on the ottoman. He ended up trying on a few suits, and you landed on one that the both of you really liked. You could see him sweat when looking at the price tag but you reassured him with your soft smile.

"Get changed and we'll go pay." He agreed and disappeared behind the curtain. You fiddled with your phone for a while before going to browse the store. Understandingly, a suit that was so perfect for his figure would take a while to get out off, but you went to check on him.

Between the crack of the curtain and the wall you saw him. His upper body undressed as he touched a wound. His whole back covered in purple, red and dark bruises. You had watched enough medical shows to know that they weren't from yesterday. He had more scars and bruises visible than skin.

He saw you in the mirror and turned around. He looked scared to death. Like you were gonna hurt him as well. "Y/N, what the fuck?" You stood frozen. You were scared too. All your suspicions confirmed. Sometimes, late at night, you'd comfort yourself thinking that you were overreacting.

He threw on his sweater and pushed you to get past. You almost stumbled. Before you knew it, you saw him outside the store window, nearly running to get away. Get away from you and your invasive self. He had hung his suit up carefully, and defeatedly you took it with you to the counter where your dress was laying.

"Can you get the suit delivered? I did something stupid and he's not gonna accept it if I turn up on his doorstep." The cashier understandingly nodded. You took your phone out as you waited for the cashier to finish adding up your total and bagging it up.

Y/N 3:12 pm

I´m so sorry I keep saying sorry but I really do mean it. I'm not gonna bring it up, ever. If you wanna talk I'm here but I´ll keep my mouth shut till you tell me to open it up. Please don´t close down on me.

"Excuse me, miss?" The cashier waved his hand as you had zoned out completely. "Sorry. Your total will be one point four million won." the cashier pointed to the terminal. (About a 1000 USD) "Delivery fees included." You swiped your card and he handed you a beautiful bag with gold writing.

Parts of you wishes that the suit was in the bag and Jungkook was walking nervously next to you.

You had to give him space.

3 days left

All of Sunday had passed without any replies from Jungkook. Your dad dropped you off outside school that morning. You weren't sure if Jungkook would be at school today, but you were dressed up pretty just in case. A pretty frilled blouse only for special occasions.

Like the gods had answered your prayers, you saw him. You met his eyes and he walked over to you. "Y/N-ah, I forgive you. I don't have time for anything else, I´m sorry."

"Time? What do you mean?"

"My aunt called yesterday. She needs help at her restaurant in Busan and asked me if I wanted a summer job and to move in earlier." He was studying your face to see your reaction.

"Jungkook-ah, no..." You whined.

"You of all people should know why I want to leave. Especially after what you saw." He tried to reason with you.

You threw your arms around him in the busy school hallway. "I know." You whispered. "It's okay."

"I just wished we had more time." You smiled bittersweetly as he pulled away. He wanted nothing more. He wanted nothing more than to stay with you forever.

"I got the suit." He changed the subject.

"Are you mad?" You gave him your best puppy eyes.

"Why would I be mad about a great graduation gift?" He laughed wholeheartedly, and his laugh filled your heart with warmth and gave you butterflies. He was making you all jittery.

Why?

2 days left

"Pour me another shot Jungkook-ah!" You held your shot glass in front of him as he smiled at you, pouring soju into your glass. You swung your arms around, singing to the music playing at the restaurant.

"Slow down." He said as he called for the waitress to take the soju away. "That's all for tonight, alright?" He patted your head. You liked the confidence boost the alcohol had given him. How he so openly flirted with you, and it satisfied some deep rooted needs of yours.

He paid for the drinks which you didn't notice in your state. "Let's walk home to sober up. We have school tomorrow."

"I think it's sad that we won't go to school together. We were totally acting like college students today and it was so fun. Drinking on a school night feels crazyyy..." You slurred and he pulled you closer as you almost stumbled over your own feet.

"Yeah, it is sad."

The rest of the walk was silent. Stopping outside your house, you felt a few raindrops hit your cheeks and head. Jungkook cursed under his breath. He had a forty minute walk home. "Do you have an umbrella I could borrow by any chance?" He asked shyly, retorting back to his humble, sober self for a second.

"No. Don´t wanna." You crossed your arms. "My parents are away for their anniversary. Won't be home until graduation." Tugging at his denim jacket sleeve, signalising for him to come inside.

"I shouldn't. I should go home." He refused.

"Sure, you should go home, but do you want to go home?" He looked so gut-wrenchingly sexy underneath the street lights, hair ruffled and a tired look on his face. Shirt unbuttoned so you could see his golden tanned chest.

"No." He replied, and you pulled him inside by his sleeve. You took off your shoes and for a few seconds you just stood looking at each other. Something was in the air. Something you had never felt with Jungkook before. It wasn't comfortable anymore, it was electric.

You needed him so bad and you were about to throw yourself at him. He beat you to it, he grabbed you and pinned you up against the wall. Your lips crashed and you didn't have time to catch a breath. You let out a few desperate moans to catch your breath as you both stumbled down the hallway over to the staircase.

As you were making your way up the stairs, you fell on your butt down on one of the steps and he got on top of you. You chuckled between the desperate kisses as he lifted you up the stairs. He was stronger than you thought.

He went down the upstairs hallway with you in his arms and into your bedroom with an open door. He threw you on the bed and wasted no time in trying to take off your shirt. "Kook-ah, I need you so so bad." You whimpered in despair, rutting your hips forward.

"I´ll make it worth it." He smirked as he kissed you. While kissing you he started unbuttoning your pants and you helped him. You were all exposed to him and he was completely clothed. You looked each other in the eye and slowed down. He started with his jacket. He hesitated with the shirt.

"Can I?" You looked up at him. He nodded slowly. You gently took his t-shirt off, and he felt incredibly exposed with all his bruises on display. You only smiled as you placed kisses on his chest, trailing down his stomach.

He took his pants off on his own and you handed him a condom. He slowed down again and you raised an eyebrow. Suddenly, a thought popped into your head.

"Kook-ah... Are you like.. a virgin?" you ask innocently.

He nods slowly again. "Don't treat me any differently than you would with an experienced guy. Some guidance might be nice but-" He says, panicked. You interrupt him. "So you want this?" You take his hand and you embrace it with your own.

"I want this more than anything." He kissed you again.

"I´ll take care of you." You bit the wrapper open and he put the pieces together as to how you're supposed to put it on.

"Aren't you supposed to do some sort of foreplay before?" He questioned awkwardly.

"It´s usually for the girls´ sake. I don't need that. I need you inside of me." You moaned, leading his body closer to yours. He let his hands slide up the side of your waist before carefully going inside you.

"Okay, do what you want with me." You smirk slyly as you whisper. "I'm yours."

"I know. And I will." He thrusts harder into you and your moans come out in unison. Tears start running down your cheeks and he checks up on you by stopping.

"Please don't stop." You cry out, placing your hands on his back. "Please."

He obliges and doesn´t stop until both your bodies give out. You fall asleep like that, bodies close and sweaty.

1 day left

This wasn't what you two planned at all. You both were pacing around your bedroom, refusing to met each others eyes. The alcohol had clearly gotten to you two yesterday and you the air was different. It wasn't comfortable like usual, or electric last night. It was uncomfortable. You felt like you shouldn't have let him yesterday. You wanted him to lose his virginity with someone he was in love with, not a friend he's been close to for 2 weeks at most.

Jungkook didn´t regret losing his virginity to you, not all. You were careful and tender, but you didn't treat him any differently like he asked you not to do. He was ashamed because he thought you would regret it. That he took advantage of you in your drunken state, and that you wouldn't touch him like that sober.

You threw yourself down on the bed and let out an exasperated sigh. He looked to you and it felt like he was almost choking on his own heartbeats.

"Do you regret sleeping with me?" He asked gently with a sullen tone, sitting down on the bed next to you. You sat up startled when you had processed what he said through your throbbing headache.

"What? No no no..." You cupped his face in your hands and stroked his cheek with your thumb. "I don't regret anything about last night, Kook-ah." You looked distraught, like you really meant it, like you were shocked by what he had said.

"Good. Cause I don't either." He placed his hand on yours. Jungkook took the hand you had placed on his face and placed it on his knee. He drew circles on your palms and made little hearts.

"Whatever this is.. Whatever we're doing right now; I don't want it to end." You smiled teary-eyed. He was leaving you and you didn't know what to do.

Jungkook wasn´t great with this kind of stuff. The touching, the loving and the expressions of love. All he did was nod quietly, and you knew by the look in his eyes that he felt the same.

You didn't know how to identify the feelings you felt for Jungkook. Throughout you've had boyfriends and best friends but none of them made you feel what you were feeling right now. Here, with him.

You had slept with a few guys before, and you've also slept with a best friend before. Taehyung, less than a year back. That felt weird, but not weird in the way Jungkook made you feel.

Not weird in a bad way.

"Y/N... I have to go. My dad´s at a meeting with the department of labor for a few hours and the moving trucks are coming in the meantime." He grimaced, wanting you to understand why he was leaving you high and dry at 6 am like this.

"Aren't you coming to school today?"

"No, I need to do this now or else I don't know how I´ll get out without him finding out." He put on his denim jacket and kissed you on the cheek. "I´ll see you tomorrow."

"If you're moving your stuff out today, where are you staying tonight?" You get up from the bed and you place yourself in front of him.

"Honestly, I'm not sure."

"Stay here." You propose, smiling warmly.

God, he loved that smile. He loved you.

That morning, after he left you with your own thoughts again, you walk to school with a skip in your step. Taehyung greets you by the entrance and asks you why you're so smiley and weird today. You tell him that it's just one of those days.

He knows why you're smiling and he hates it. It's because of him. Taehyung can do nothing but observe as you make it so clear to him that you are not his and he is not yours.

You spend the rest of the school day thinking. You had lunch in the cafeteria with your friends and spent most of the time chatting with Taehyung about trivial stuff. University, summer and graduation. He was also staying in Seoul for school and was attending SNU law. You were impressed, not knowing that Taehyung had been able to get his grades up to study law.

"My parents wanted to send me to Harvard but contrary to popular opinion, I think it sounds overrated. I like the idea of being a student in Seoul." Taehyung explained, making you nod your head in agreement.

"I get that. There's just something about Seoul." He smiled as he stole a spoonful of your seaweed soup.

"Hey!" You ruffled his hair, knowing he had spent all morning doing it as revenge. He flung a spoonful of rice at your face and you laughed almost hysterically as you managed to inhale a grain of rice.

After a while you're laughing calmed down and your friends had stopped giving you two a weird look. "Do you have an apartment yet or are you commuting back and forth from your house?" He inquires, stirring his food around as fidgeting.

"I was thinking of moving out but I just can't find the right apartment. There's an open house next week that I want to go to." You explain, and he nods along.

"Is Jungkook coming with you?" He asks, now fiddling with his own thumbs.

"Uh.. no." He looks up at you. "He's moving to Busan tomorrow." You elaborate, and a look of pity flashes across his face.

"Oh."

"Yeah..." Taehyung smiled awkwardly. "So I'm gonna have to go all alone." You were insinuating that he should come with.

"I´ll go with you." He suggests. "If you want me to."

You nod.

It was starting to get dark out when you were seated in your windowsill with the window open. The window from your room had direct view down to the street and your frontyard. As promised, he was there, outside your door, waving up at you.

The day of

Jungkook was trying to curl your hair. After a few burns and a little cursing, he was starting to get the hang of it. You were sitting in front of the vanity with him standing behind you and while he was curling your hair, you were doing your makeup. The two of you were both in bathrobes, your outfits laying neatly on your bed.

"This stuff is hard. I'm sweating in fear of burning myself again." He snickers, and you laugh along.

"I´ll blow on your burns when you're done." You smiled at him in the mirror and you saw his reflection blushing slightly. "When is your train leaving tonight?"

"I'm taking the KTX train around 8 pm so I´ll be in Busan before midnight." He announces, and you feel realisation creeping up on you. Sure, the train ride isn't that long with the speed trains, but he's still far away and you're both gonna be busy. Your parents booked you a graduation trip to Greece with them and then you´re flying straight to Aiya Napa with a few friends, including Taehyung.

"Okay." Is all you manage to utter with a sigh at the end.

"You'll come with me to the train station, right?" He questions.

"Of course." You smile.

He finishes curling your hair and you add the finishing touches to your makeup. "All done." Jungkook grins proudly.

"It´s really pretty, thank you." You shake out the curls to see them properly and run your fingers carefully through them to loosen them up.

"I´m gonna go change." He said, gesturing towards your bathroom.

"Okay, let me do your hair when you're done please!" You request, giving him the puppy eyes that you give everyone when you want something your way.

"Maybe." Jungkook shuts the door behind him.

A few minutes later he came back out, all dressed up. Except the tie that he was holding in his hand. "I can't tie a tie." He admitted ashamedly, letting a slight chuckle escape his lips.

You turn around to see him and you're stunned. He looked great in the white lights in the store dressing rooms, but in this light, he looked gorgeous. The morning summer sun shining in through your window, hitting Jungkook like a spotlight.

Getting up from your chair and walking over to him, your heart was pounding a hundred beats a second. You couldn't shake the weird unidentifiable feeling that you felt when you were close to him. You swung the tie around his neck and tied it tight, but not too tight.

"I´ll send you a video tutorial if you want to know later, but we're gonna run late if we don't hurry up." You smile, patting his shoulder., signaling that you´re all done.

You point your finger to the chair in front of the vanity and he sits down. "Let's see. Hand me your gel." Running your fingers through his hair, he closes his eyes in pleasure.

"It's really nice when you touch my hair." He hums in delight.

You alternate using the comb and your hands and soon you finish up. "You like?" You ask with a satisfied grin on your face.

"I love." He almost blurts out a "you." at the end but he manages to hold it in.

"Now I need to put my dress on." You let your bathrobe fall to the floor, now standing there in your white lace underwear. Jungkook rapidly turns away from you and you laugh.

"After what we've done you really don't need to turn around." You smirk confidently, knowing you're gonna make him flustered. He turns back around, almost shamelessly to watch you.

You slip into the dress and you struggle with the zipper in the back. He notices your struggle and gets up to help you. "Let me." He offers and you would never say no.

He turns you around so he's facing your bare back. He can't help but let his hands caress your back for a while, up and down, back and forth. Seductively, he pulls the zipper up slowly and you can feel his fingers brush up your back as the dress tightens.

Getting ready to leave, Jungkook grabs his little backpack of necessities since all his things are on their way to Busan. After you've celebrated for a while you'll follow him to the train station to say your goodbyes.

Your parents drive you to the ceremony and you both hurried over to get your cap and gowns. The ceremony went nicely, and both you and Jungkook stood posing in your parents photos with your diplomas in hand.

"Kiss her on the cheek Jungkook-ssi!" Your mom laughed and you looked to Jungkook who was looking at your dad with a frightened look on his face.

He placed a soft kiss on your cheek as your dad jokingly shook his head. "What a pretty picture." She fawned when she looked at her camera. "Jinho, come see." Your mother gestured at your father and his lips curled slightly upwards before he pulled himself together.

The whole moment felt bittersweet and went by like you were thinking back on a blurry memory. Giggles, smiles, hugs and joy were the most prominent things in the blur that you felt.

You and Jungkook collected a few of the people who hadn't left school yet and invited them out for drinks. You purposely picked people who you weren't close with, except for Taehyung.

You invited Jisoo, the girl from your math class, a boy you knew from Forensics club and a few others you hadn't spent that much time with. Stumbling down the street to a nearby restaurant, you meet many other classmates. You get situated at a table and you share embarrassing memories from high school.

"Jisoo, do you remember when you got that love letter from Sungkwan and you went around telling-" One of the guys at your table started before Jisoo interrupted.

"Stop! I've never been so embarrassed in my life!" She laughed as she reached across the table to give him a little smack on the cheek. You look over to Jungkook who's staring out into the air, ignoring the constant calls from his father.

You take his hand under the table and you stroke his knuckles with your thumb. His shoulders fall down a little from their tense position when you touch him.

The weird feeling gets you again.

You know that Jungkook doesn't share as many fond memories from school as the rest of you around the table do, but you try your best to include him in the conversations when you can.

"Can we go outside?" Jungkook requests. "I have a memory I want to share." You look at him with a questioning look but you oblige and follow him outside.

You're standing outside the restaurant, feeling the summer breeze blow through your hair and your dress billowed to the point where it looked like a fairytale gown.

He gulps. He has always thought you were the prettiest girl in the world, but standing in front of him now, you looked angelic. He silently thanked the universe with blessing him with your presence. That he had gotten the opportunity to touch you and to feel you like he had.

"Y/N. I want to share a fond memory of mine that involved you, many years back." He spoke so formally you almost laughed at him, but you controlled yourself and nodded along. "The year I turned eleven, I invited the whole class to my birthday party. I paced around the floor as the clock ticked past six and no one had showed." He pauses and looks at you.

"I had given up all hope that anyone was gonna show, until you knocked on the door with a birthday card. You were the only person that showed that night and I've never forgotten about it." He sighed and his chest heaved for air.

"I hope you don't think it's weird but I keep the card on my nightstand." He admits ashamedly.

You don´t say anything, you just pull him in for a hug. The two of you stay like that for a while before you go back inside. It's seven pm when you go back inside and your heart feels heavy when you see the time on your phone.

The conversation goes on but you're so deep in your thought that you don't participate. It's hitting you real hard. Jungkook nudges you and shows you his phone with a bus schedule on it. It leaves from the bus stop outside the restaurant in eight minutes. You start saying your goodbyes to everyone at your table before you walk outside.

It´s silent as you're waiting for the bus, silent when you're sitting on the bus to the train station and it's silent when you get off.

"Platform seventeen..." He mumbles to himself and points you both to the right. You could see the sign with the little seventeen on it from afar but you so desperately want to point him in the other direction. Make him miss the train so he has some extra time to think about leaving.

a/n: so sorry for interrupting but if u want u can read the next part listening to the song I listened to while writing (taking pictures of you - the kooks)

He grabs your wrist and leads the way when you hesitate. Platform seventeen is right in front of you now, and the train is already there. He's looking you straight in the eyes, dressed in a suit and hair done all neatly you swore you could pass out.

You knew it was over although it never really started. All you did was spend fourteen days together, moving extremely quickly forward from strangers to being in bed together. You liked those fourteen days, you loved those fourteen days and you hated those fourteen days.

"I have to go." His lips quivered and your eyes stung with tears prickling in your eyes. There came the weird feeling again. This time, it didn't creep up on you, it hit you like a wave hits you at the beach, the type that makes you lose your balance and swallow a whole lot of water, struggling to get a breath of air. The feeling was unfamiliar to you and it felt uncomfortable.

"I really liked these fourteen days." You smiled genuinely through your tears. He pulled you in for another hug, less stiff than the ones before. It felt good to hug him, to get that last inhale of his cologne and the scent of his shampoo.

"Me too. I loved them." He spoke into your hair as he took in your scent for the last time in a while as well. "Visit me, please Y/N."

"Of course. I´ll come toward the end of the summer." You pulled away from the embrace to look him in the eyes. Before you knew it, you were kissing. The conductor yelled out that the train was leaving and he was the one to pull away this time. You took his hand and as he walked away his hand slipped away from yours.

He stepped on the train and you saw him through the window, never losing eye contact. You stood still on the platform as you were reduced to tears. The dark mascara that was running down your cheeks were the perfect contrast to the gorgeous white dress you were wearing. His denim jacket draped over your shoulders and your strappy baby pink heels in your left hand.

You were straight out of a movie.

As the train started moving, the feeling grew stronger as it finally hit you. You knew what you were feeling, and you had been denying it for too long.

It was love.

You were in love with Jeon Jungkook and he was leaving.

a/n: honestly that's the end but if u want to read a sneak peek of part 2 then scroll down a little!! join the taglist here if u want to be tagged in part 2.

The Epilogue

Day 1140

It was late at night and your friends had dragged you out of your apartment to go to some stupid club that had just opened in Gangnam. You weren't friends with any of your old friends anymore, just Taehyung.

You and Taehyung could be considered more than friends but less than lovers. It was complicated and not exclusive so you thought that you might as well find someone to spend the night with. He was sleeping with other women, so you felt like you should as well.

The music was blasting way too loud from the speakers and it was awfully crowded on the dance floor. You finally made your way to the ambient bar that was on the quieter side. Club standard quiet, of course. You ordered a gin and tonic to loosen up and have some fun.

The first year of university, you spent everyday partying and bringing new guys back to the apartment you shared with your best friend Hayoon. She eventually grew tired of it and so did you. You spent the second year dating, meeting new guys from Tinder or agreeing to blind dates that Hayoon arranged, and that didn't work out either.

By the time you started your third year you settled down with being Taehyung´s something. Sometimes, your mind would drift back to what you felt for Jungkook. You hadn't seen him in 3 years and you never visited him in Busan, but what you felt when you stood on platform seventeen is a feeling you'll never forget.

You cancelled your visit to Busan in the summer and promised to visit for fall break. By the time fall break came around, he wasn't picking up your calls. You kept calling for a few weeks and in anger and spite you blocked his number and never reached out again.

You asked the bartender for a straw just so you could stir the ice cubes around. Boredom washed over you after a while, so you moved seats to sit closer to the one window that wasn't shaded black. You saw the busy streets, girls with wobbly knees and high heels who held on to their boyfriends for support.

You were scouting the streets for something interesting to let your tired eyes focus on. Just like fate, like it was written in the stars, he was there. Jungkook was there. Rubbing your eyes and closing them for a few seconds didn't make him go away. You got off the barstool and picked up your bag, ready to rush out into the street.

You didn't know what to say or how to approach him, but you had to do something. Maybe take his hand and lead him away, let him say the first sentence and really let his voice soak in. Let his words surround you and his hands touch you.

You walked as fast as you could out the door in your own high heels. You were like those couples, he was missing the girl in high heels and you were missing the boy to support yourself on. You stood frozen on the sidewalk as he stood across the road from you. A girl leapt into his arms, dark raven curls bouncing as he caught her and pulled her in for a warm embrace.

Only now did you take your time to process how Jungkook looked. He was buff and muscular with a tattoo sleeve. Only in a t-shirt at night, his arms were free from any bruising. You were smiling like an idiot until you snapped back to reality and realised that he was holding someone else.

She kissed him,

and he kissed her.

fin.

(for now)

part 2 taglist

[tortor-sauce]

18+ POST LOOK AWAY 👹🔞 if you’re not 18+ PLEASE DNI with this post!! 👹🔞

(sketch and drabble and headcanons)

(jel/reth/oc stuff)

GO AWAY LOOK AWAY!!!!! IM WARNING YOU 🔪

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP I CANT EVEN TAG THIS I DONT EVEN WANT PEOPLE TO SEE BUT I HAVE TO SHOW SOMEONE AND TALK ABOUT IT OR I’LL EXPLODE!!!!

i’m too shy to share the whole picture IM SORRY—i just wanted to capture a few headcanons into a single shamelessly horny drawing of the three of them together. also, my thoughts are completely unorganized and this post is mostly just me rambling!

small disclaimer, if you don’t agree with or like my headcanons, that’s totally valid but please don’t tell me so 🙇 i kindly ask you just move on from this post. thank you!

okay. so i feel like both reth and jel are service tops HEAR ME OUT—like, they’re both just a couple of pathetic lover boys who are so head over heels in love with you. the fact they practically always gift you something when you flirt with them in-game (jel gifting silk and reth gifting soup) i feel is their attempts at spoiling you and taking care of you in their own way. they just want to see you happy and make you cum your brains out a thousand times until you can’t think straight anymore 🥺

and in general, i feel jel would love to shower you in compliments and words of praise and practically worship your body. while i feel reth is the type to show you how he feels and relish in watching you come undone with him. but personally 👉👈 i feel jel and reth align more closely as switches because they’re both so.. so soft and need to be spoiled and loved so deeply (no innuendo intended)

with that said, i think jel is a more intimate and passionate lover while reth is a bit more unhinged and rough. that’s not to say jel doesn’t have his sadistic bouts. i feel it stems directly from his obsessive nature and grows into a desire to watch you submit to him and his whims, sort of in a controlling way. but it makes him so happy when you do. the need to know you belong to him, both your heart and body, is honestly really important to him. i actually feel he has control issues due to a number of reasons but that’s a different discussion—💀 and he rewards you so thoroughly for showing him how much you love him. god, the aftercare? he’s so gentle and attentive and treats you like the most precious thing he’s ever held.

more on reth, while not as sadistic, i feel he’s still plenty controlling when he wants to be. the poor man has hardly any control in his day-to-day life and the fact you allow him an ounce of control? over your body of all things? yeah, that shit drives him mad (positive). gets a bit carried away and leaves marks on your body, hickeys, scratches, bruises, the like. but hey, at least it’s a pretty reminder of how much fun you had together. plus, if anyone sees they’ll know you belong to him. but he definitely teases you about it the following days by making sly comments and even running his fingers over the more sensitive marks.

so, in my polycule i envision moments where two will actively spoil the other. so for instance like when maddox and reth want to spoil jel and shower him in the love and affection he deserves, he gets all shy and blushy but relishes in the moment. he pays them back tenfold once they’re finished, but not that same night. maddox and reth make sure he’s completely worn out so he’ll finally get some damn sleep for once. reth is the same in that regard; he gets all shy and blushy but he enjoys being spoiled for once. not having to care about anything or anyone else and focus fully on himself and his pleasure. and the two know this and want to show him how loved he is. lowkey i imagine jel bringing him to tears, crying tears of pleasure and from overstimulation but that may be a personal thing of mine. 💀 and as for maddox? they both know exactly which buttons to push. i imagine them sort of egging each other along. i mentioned earlier i think jel has a sadistic side to him, well i think the same of reth albeit not nearly as prominent. like, the fact he teases and flirts so much could be for a number of reasons, but how lovely it would be if it were only to watch their reactions each time. with that said, maddox happens to be very reactive and discovering that fact in bed, like, awakens something inside of him to tease more, to push as much as maddox will allow him. and yes, he notices the way jel reacts to it too. it only makes him want to tease him for the fact as well 🥴 WHICH is why i drew him with that expression LMAO normally i would’ve imagined him with a much softer and kinder expression but i think he’s quick to lose himself in the throes of pleasure which causes him to act a bit selfish at times. but like i said, i see him as a service top so really his ‘selfish’ moments are him just spoiling maddie and jel and showering their bodies with so much love and attention.

i have so many more thoughts but this post is getting long and i’m getting embarrassed so i’ll stop there for now.

IF YOU READ THIS IM SORRY LOL BUT THANK YOU FOR INDULGING ME///////

[carrionhearted]

Im gonna infodump about my ocs because I can’t stop thinking about them. This will be a book… One day. Read on with caution, this is a horror book with very dark subject matter and mild body horror.

There are two mcs, a closeted gay trans man (Eden), and a severely repressed cis gay man (Harlow). Both raised in a hyper-conservative hyper-religious Deep South town IN THE 80S.

Their story is about the deadly consequences of repression, the cycle of abuse, learned hatred and destructive coping mechanisms. Harlow grew up with an INCREDIBLY toxic father who drilled toxic masculinity into him (having feelings is shameful) as well as homophobia. He only ever demonstrated "solving" problems with violence. Harlow was never given the tools or space to unpack any of his feelings ever. So he grew up to become this repressed, horribly frustrated and confused adult who could not understand his attraction towards other men.

Being gay wasn't even a thought in his mind, it wasn't a possibility to him. His father constructed this impenetrable wall of “us” vs “them” in Harlow’s mind- and like a plant deprived of sunlight, he never grew tall enough to see over it.

All he knew was this gut-wrenching hunger, this insatiable craving for other men’s bodies which he couldn't place- something about the flesh, the warmth, he hungered for it in a way which became unbearable. This did not register to him as sexual, again, that wasn't even an option… but he didn’t know what it was. And when you don’t know how to process your own emotions, it all eventually turns into frustration/ rage. So he solved this problem in the only way he was ever taught how- with violence! He killed men, initially choosing those he deemed deserving of death, and he ate them. An attempt to satiate the hunger. This became a habitual thing and he just… kept doing it. Not because it brought him any real satisfaction, it just snowballed into an addiction and he needed his fix. His town caught on to the string of murders, but he was flying completely under everyone’s radar. We’re talking about a 6’ mullet-having yeehaw dude who’s generally reserved and works for his family’s farm, nobody was really looking at him here.

Important backstory tidbit: Harlow was taught how to hunt as a kid. His father took him on outings, which were maybe the only positive memories he had of that man- and they would hunt deer together. He was taught to always use the whole animal, never let anything go to waste- because everything is valuable.

Everything is a gift. “It’s only murder if you waste the animal” (this heavily influenced his later cannibal ways).

One day as a young teen, he found himself alone for a trip. That's when he was approached by this deer- it looked sickly, almost like it was rotting while alive (it had Chronic Wasting Disease). It was clearly suffering, made clear by its complete lack of survival instincts. It walked right up to his gun. It was in pain. He shot it to put it out of its misery, but he did not take the meat. What was he supposed to do? It was useless to him,, he couldn't eat the rotting meat, and despite that he still felt an immense guilt for leaving it behind. Killing, and just abandoning the body. It registered to him as murder. He carried that feeling of guilt with him for the rest of his life. He vowed to never discard a body again.

Eden is a trans man who knows he's trans, but is out to practically nobody during the story. He’s the youngest in his family, with four older brothers. His parents were NOT suited to be parents- they were self centred people who treated their children like accessories. The parents obsessively kept up this “picturesque good Christian family” facade to the world, but that became harder to maintain as they had more kids. They started having to cut corners financially, to the detriment of those kids. That said, every one of their children was planned. The reason they kept having kids despite their situation was because the mother wanted a daughter. Then, Eden was born, assigned female at birth. Since his birth Eden had been treated like a precious doll more so than a child- he was sheltered and only received direct attention from his parents when they needed to dress him up all pretty for Sunday service. There was an incredible amount of pressure on him to be what everyone wanted. He was also raised VERY religiously, all of which MAJORLY contributed to his inner-turmoil abt being trans. He didn’t even have a word for it, to be “trans”. Only this unmistakable discomfort, guilt and shame, feeling like something is wrong with him, feeling like god made a mistake with him. Again, conservative religious south, he has no space to explore these feelings safely. He's pushed it all down and let it fester inside until it started gnawing away at his very being.

A few years prior to the story, this began to manifest physically as a literal rot. This spot of decay on his chest that's been growing and sinking deeper into his body for years. Sloooowly eating away at him, on track to continue until there is nothing left to devour. By the start of the book it’s claimed most of the flesh on his chest- his ribcage is sparsely covered with any skin at all- and the organs beneath are made vulnerable by it. However, he is horrified to seek medical attention. He sees the rot as a marking of his sin, god has stamped his body with this ugly decay to let everyone else know he's defective.

He hides it beneath layers of clothing. Being on his chest, it’s in a place that only an intimate partner would ever see- considering he's perceived by the world as a "woman".

In a… complicated series of events involving ✨societal pressure and coercion✨, an "intimate partner" does end up seeing his chest (Eden is not clear minded when these events are taking place).

This partner reacts with repulsion and violence, to the extreme that Eden fears for his life. He kills the other man in self Defense. (This sequence alludes to the “trans panic” legal defense which is still permitted by many US courts. If you pursue someone intimately, don’t like what you see beneath their clothes, and you KILL THEM- you can claim “I panicked because I didn’t know they were trans” and get a lesser sentence. It’s bullshit and I’m gonna attempt to very delicately write this scene to highlight how bizarre and unwarranted the male partner’s violent response is. The rot in this instance is symbolic of the perceived defect).

In disposing of the body, he runs into Harlow. They find eachother in a (undecided) remote, secretive location.

You’ll never guess what Harlow is doing! Also disposing of remains (bones n guts), at the same place, face hidden while he does so. They have a mutual deer-in-headlights standoff. There IS an open case of serial murders in their small town… Harlow is responsible. Eden realizes this after a short exchange of stunned words, and totally breaks down. Heavy dialogue exchange, Eden feels completely defeated and destroyed by guilt, he just begs Harlow to kill him. Harlow responds by saying he only kills men (Eden is closeted and passes as a woman). This pushes Eden over the edge and he snaps, he shouts that he is a man, this is the first time he’s ever said it out loud. Harlow is… confused, but intrigued. He doesn’t want to kill Eden, but he’s not sure what he does want to do. He decides to knock Eden out… which he does very easily.

Eden wakes up in a different location. Some not so great smelling farmhouse of sorts. Harlow enters the room eventually and explains… “I disposed of that body for you, don’t worry about that right now. I bruised your head pretty bad when I knocked you out, sorry about that, I didn’t mean to use that much force. I made you some soup! It’ll help. The meat is pork. Don’t worry about it. Let’s talk. :3” They’re still both very unsure of each other but neither have much to lose (they also have mutual blackmail) so they start talking. AND BOOM

COMPLICATED SERIES OF EVENTS

ENSUES AND THEY BOND OVER SHARED EXPERIENCES, TEACH EACH OTHER TO UNLEARN THEIR TOXIC AND DESTRUCTIVE WAYS, HAVE A ROMANCE WHICH SERVES AS A VALIDATION ARC FOR EDEN AND A SELF-ACCEPTANCE ARC FOR HARLOW AND YADA YADA. They are both profoundly disturbed individuals who have done terrible things but the whole point is to hold a magnifying glass to their actions and point out HOW and WHY they fucked up. To condemn that path, the mindset behind it, and the people who carried on those abusive cycles before them. I want to thoroughly examine and chip away at the layers of external influence that lead these characters to their lowest life points- and reveal the truth beneath them. These were once children, full of love and openness as we all once were- the problem is larger than the individual, it’s a societal issue of passed down bigotry and stubborn refusal to progress. It’s a toxic cycle of violence with very real, very deadly consequences for all involved. The characters both do BAD things, that’s the POINT.

Important backstory tidbit: In Eden’s childhood, he found a baby bird fallen a long ways from its nest. It was hurt, and he brought it inside to a small cage. He figured the cage would serve as protection for the bird as it grew- it was so delicate, it needed the shelter. But that cage was tiny. He fed the bird, tried to take care of it and gave it all its base survival needs. The bird was offered food, water and a cage. But that is all. That’s all Eden was given in his home, he thought that meant it was enough. He watched it grow into a young dove, but as it aged it only got sicker. This bird was deteriorating before his eyes and he couldn't understand why- he feared it would die in that cage. As soon as it became old enough to fly, Eden made the decision to release the bird. It was sicker than ever, Eden knew it didn't have long. He knew releasing it would practically be a death sentence, but it was going to die soon either way. He did not want the bird to die in the cage.

When released, the dove didn't even know how to flap its wings properly. The cage was too small to stretch them out, it had never even had the chance to learn how to fly. It didn't know how to find food. It didn’t know how to identify danger. And on the next morning, Eden found that bird on the ground outside of his house, dead. It was being picked away at by a vulture.

Eden felt relief.

The bird had died. It didn't make it. But it brought him peace to know it didn't die in that cage. That bird had never known the love of its mother, or siblings, it had never known what it was like to be wanted and cherished. That role was left to the vulture, who had never turned away from the unsightly or damaged. It had swooped in with the unconditional love of an angel, and carried the dove off into the sky above- its stomach, a chariot to heaven. It was gruesome watching the vulture feast- but it had such a tender appreciation in its eyes. It kept the circle of life in motion. In a way, Eden found this ending happy.

Eden’s symbolic bird is a dove, Harlow’s symbolic bird is a vulture.

They both die at the end of the story.

They'd become very close over the span of it though- they resolved their issues together, but in doing that they found themselves further ostracized from the world around them. They backed themselves further and further away from the world, until they finally hit a corner. Their past destructive actions were also catching up to them- the murders that is, they ended up on the run from police. It all came back to bite them.

The rot on Eden’s chest had spread throughout his entire body, and it was past the point of no return. No medical intervention would help at this point. One night, after a close encounter with police left them both wounded- Eden and Harlow both realized that these were Eden’s last few hours.

His body was decayed and rotted, he was sick, he was injured, he was visibly suffering. He would die soon, it was inevitable. Harlow decides to put him out of his misery. But he couldn’t stand the thought of discarding the body. He didn’t want him to die unloved.

Reaching into Eden's exposed ribcage, Harlow removed his heart from his chest. He knew this would be a death sentence, but he was going to die either way. He didn't want him to die in the cage.

He ate the heart, rotting and tainted as it was, he saw every part of his lover as a gift. Nothing goes to waste, for every rotting animal there is a grateful vulture. One which will see your defect and cherish you all the same.

Is now a good time to address the name Eden? I feel like most people are familiar with the gay love = forbidden fruit and/or cannibalism = forbidden fruit metaphor… yk, the embrace of supposed sin, being arbitrarily kept from the sweet, nutritious fruit of the garden. Passing through the gates of Eden (ribcage again) and eating the apple (his heart).

:3 anyways

Harlowstayed with the body until he also died (unrelated wounds from the chase). Decades later they would be found as skeletons in an unmistakable embrace, none of the flesh which made people scorn them during their lives. They were seen as lovers then, and were finally understood.

ALSO ALSO SO SYMBOLISM RIGHT. RELIGIOUS SYMBOLISM??? REMEMBER HOW EDEN WAS RAISED AS HYPER-RELIGIOUS???

So cannibalism as a metaphor for QUEERNESS now. A craving for the forbidden flesh. To partake in another's body in the most intimate and fulfilling way. But living in a world that sees it as repulsive…

Right? You with me?

Ok and then the inherent divinity of transness. To partake in the act of creation alongside God, to resculpt yourself in divine image. Jesus was not simply born of genetic material (yk how transphobes love to say “blah blah blah you can’t change your chromosomes!!” Like… if we use that logic, Jesus is trans. He’d have XX chromosomes because... miraculous conception.

No sperm, which provides the Y chromosome, which creates a male body. BUT OBVIOUSLY THAT DOESNT FUCKING MATTER BECAUSE HES A MAN REGARDLESS!!!! JESUS WAS A DUDE!!!). He was created by WILL.

The will of god, a version of himself, to BE!!! Fully human, fully god, flesh and blood in an image he himself designed. Holy trinity being the same entity and all, Jesus’s body was his own design in a way.

YOU WITH ME???

OK

OKAY AND SO.

GAY CANNIBALISM… TRANS LOVER.

TO

TO PARTAKE IN THE BLOOD AND BODY OF CHRIST. THEOPHAGY.

THE ULTIMATE HOLY COMMUNION.

TO CONSUME YOUR LOVER AS AN ACT OF WORSHIP, CONVEYING YOUR LOVE FOR EVERY PART OF THE BODY THEY'VE GROWN TO DISPISE. TAKING A PHYSICAL PIECE OF THEIR LIFE INTO YOURS AND UNITING YOUR VERY BEINGS. UNCONDITIONAL AND ETERNAL LOVE, DESPITE ONE’S FLAWS.

TO THINK OF YOURSELF AS CARRION AND BE FOUND BY THE MOST GRATEFUL VULTURE.

A DEAD AND ROTTING GOD STILL BRINGS LIFE TO THE MAGGOTS WHICH FEED ON ITS CORPSE!!!

RAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m unwell I’m unwell I’m unwell I need to actually get to writing this NOW

[the-bjd-community-confess]

I joined the hobby with my sister in early 2003. We both got our first dolls at the same time but I hated my doll (she arrived blank) and I decided to not join the hobby because I hated the doll so much. My sister stayed active, but passed away in 2016, in which I got my first doll back when they were passing the inheritance and arranging everything. That was my reintroduction into the doll hobby, to connect with my sister in a way.

Enjoyed making friends with people in the community, generally found the community peaceful and positive. I liked playing and taking pictures of my dolls and was interested in trying OC and the biographies people posted because it looked fun.

in 2022 the rest of my family passed away in a car crash. Its been difficult for me to accept this and I keep going into states of "if this" or "if that", and I tried to connect to the hobby but I couldnt escape reality. It didnt help that my fathers side of the family were relentlessly trying to put a conservatorship on me, have me put in a mental hospital and seize control of me, my assets and finances forcing me to go to a psychiatrist and take medication just so I can have freedom and avoid them.

I decide to try and cheer myself by going to a doll event on holiday and get a chance on a doll that is coveted by a niche in the community, as in limited to a few dolls a year that you can only get in person in a certain location on certain dates by a lottery. This is a doll Ive been obsessed with getting, having won two YJA auctions for her (you arent supposed to buy them secondhand or sell them), only to have the sellers always refund the proxy. I won this doll, on my first lottery entry and I feel nothing.

I met two people and one was extremely kind, and the other that I thought I had a connection with was just disappointing to meet in person. Gossiping about people the whole time, including the person that was also there with us, always talking about why they were better than so and so because they did x. Talked about entering the lottery many times but always losing and not to get my hopes up because they dont pick nonresident foreigners. She also suggested I bring in someone to increase my chances, but I said I wanted to play fair and she shocked me when she said good answer; like it was a trick suggestion or she was waiting for an aha moment.

The pure anger on her face when I was called the winner, and then the comment about them picking the lottery winner like I was supposed to feel bad that I was picked instead of randomly chosen was weird to me. I just brushed it off as me being paranoid. Its not jealousy of the doll, but I think anger that they picked someone she saw as unworthy (me). She even called me a whale, but I just ignored the comment because I know Im not even remotely chubby back then.

Then she said something about how maybe this was the universe giving me a present because my whole family passed away a few months ago (at that time). This was the first time I told someone in the hobby about my familys passing and I felt completely emptied? deflated? by the comment. They may have not meant it to be negative, but I felt repulsed. TBH, I havent even taken the doll out of the box since getting her because I keep remembering that comment made. They probably didnt mean much, but it stuck to me. I cant even look at the doll's box without feeling sick. I just remembered this because its been a year + and I saw someone being annoyed that a oneoff winner didnt post an opening even though its been a few months, and now I feel worse because its been a year of her in the box.I was just waiting until I felt happy again so I can at least have the box opening be special. I dont know what to do because that comment; the universe giving me a doll in return of my whole family dying? I cant disassociate it and I wish I never met that person because I feel like it has made the doll hobby unenjoyable to me, but I also know its unreasonable to think this way because Ive met so many that are so nice and kind. I think Im reading into the comment more than its worth. I honestly feel pathetic for letting it affect me this much.

Sorry for writing all of this. I just wanted to get it out of my chest so I can maybe get back to normal. My friends dont like listening to this, because Im a man and am supposed to be more mature, and I also dont like holding on to anger, and I dont usually do, but I feel angry and sad all the time, when I know I should be grateful because I have a lot of blessings. Some might know who I am, and I hope they dont take it as a sign of me needing help, and more of just me venting if they read all of this, that my disinterest in a lot of things isnt them, its just Im not back to normal and I want to be.

~Anonymous

Mod: I'm so sorry anon, you've been through so much. 💗

This person sounds insecure and jealous and imo you should dismiss everything they said to you, it was not coming from a good place. You deserve to have joy and happiness in your life.

[hootbon]

Heyo! Your TADC freakshow AU is super cool, so I decided to draw my OC Jolly if she was in the freakshow AU! I sketched two designs for her, one based off her main design and one based off her TADC design. (also TW for self-harm near the end of the relationships section)

Main design freakshow version- based on melted candy, slight inspiration from Changed and other transfur games. has muted colors more like the other freak show members. poster title would be The Molten Beast

TADC design freakshow version- inspired by the song artist Femtanyl and the animator Aimkid. has a more cartoony design and very bright colors, meant to look very out-of-place. leans very heavily into the disembodiment and candy gore aspects of both original and TADC designs. poster title would be The Butcher or The Confectioner, haven't decided yet.

Relationships- most characters either REALLY hate her or are barely able to tolerate her, besides Jax who would likely think she's just "kinda cool". Jolly is mostly chill towards everyone except Caine, who she has a burning hatred towards for seemingly no reason, and Jax, who she really likes. probably too much. Jolly doesn't pay much attention to Kaufmo or Gangle, and anyone she has a positive attitude towards is for pretty shallow reasons. She thinks Kinger is "a silly lil dude", she thinks Ragatha is pretty, thinks Pomni is cute, thinks of Bubble as "a stupid little goof" (positive), and she thinks Zooble looks really cool. Jolly never pays much attention to how people act or how they feel and is very insensitive, which is why virtually nobody likes her. Jolly is completely insane, however her sheer lack of care is what saves her from abstracting as she just doesn't care about anything enough for something to cause her to abstract. If Jax were to abstract, it might make her pretty emotional, but not enough to have any chance of abstracting. This, combined with her creepy face and the fact that she (SH TW) often cuts herself for fun and makes constant remarks about how her blood tastes good, has made it so most of the other freak show members find her extremely weird and/or gross.

Drawing showing Jolly's fully colored regular design and also Jax as a bonus / yes i know the waist looks funky im still learning anatomy and stuff

Jolly's TADC design

ok wow that was a lot, and i still have so much more info I've come up with, I'm way too obsessed with this. but I hope you like this!!

Oh I LOVE them 🥹, I’m so happy you think my au is cool, they seem so interesting!! I would love to hear more 🫵

[talesfrommedinastation]

Tech's Helmet: Im finyish go fo Belta

So, a major plot point in Far Past the Ring is the simple fact that the layout and design of Tech's unique trooper helmet was copied, and taken back to the Ring Gate, where Belters have gone absolutely bananas over this fancy and ingenious design.

Belters live their lives in space completely, and having a helmet that is safe, comfortable, and practical, is crucial as life itself. In The Expanse, Belters often slap stickers or write their names on their helmets. I imagine, with more time and wealth, more decorations can take part, and it's a big plot point in the longfic, especially for Tro, pictured below in the bottom right.

Here's the OCs who have taken Tech's helmet design (which is called the 'Tekimang' style.

FYI: Tekimang is the Lang Belta word for an engineer, it literally translates to 'tech-man'! It becomes an ongoing joke that it's Tech's full name, lol.

Front view of the helmets.

Sjael Drummer: A chemical engineer who focuses on creating synthetic and organic sweeteners for human consumption, Sjael’s helmet is covered in elaborate flowers and fruits that she works closely with. You will see strawberries, blueberries, vanilla, and blossoms from potato and carrot plants. They are done in mixed Ojibwe/Rosemaling style, to signify her mixed First Nations and Scandinavian Earther heritage. I also designed it to also signify her archetype as Persephone and Idunn (coincidentally, the name of her Mulan-class gunship), bringers and guardians of life and all things green and growing. 

Timon Chapelle: Timon is a firefighter, through and through. His helmet is covered in almost brutalist paintings of flames and ropes, all in reds, oranges, and yellows. The ‘ropes’ on his cheeks are almost Celtic in design, as in some ways, he is a keeper of multiple facets of knowledge as a Belter elder. 

Hobbs Chapelle: “If an elementary school kid designed a helmet”. Hobbs is obsessed with animals, especially his two pet cats, and becomes enamored with the idea of Wookiees and other sentient species after meeting clone troopers from the 41st. He not only has his cats' paws on his helmet's front, but a stylist design of Wookiee handprints and claw marks on the ears and visor, made to look like they were painted with mud. The circles on top of the helmet signify his homes of Ganymede, Ceres, and now Medina Station. 

Tro Chapelle: A budding artist and high school freshman, Tro’s helmet designs is all over the place, as are her interests. Very much a teen's notebook style, a girl still figuring out her place in the universe. Her helmet's ears have the design of her great-grandmother’s ‘freedom quilt’ from Earth that was destroyed in the Ganymede attack. Her visor has her name in Ojibwe from the Drummer side. The rest of her helmet is covered in various paint jobs to symbolize elements of fire, air, water, and earth–things that she is thrilled to see now that she is on the station.

Side view of the helmets.

Tagging my Belter loving beratnas out there: @skellymom @thecoffeelorian @supremechancellorrex @sued134 @amalthiaph @littlefeatherr @eyecandyeoz @eelfuneral @notavalidusername @sometimes-i-talk-a-lot @rocicrew @perfectlywingedcrusade @autistic-artistech @that-salmonberry-punk @dukeoftheblackstar @freesia-writes @just-shower-thoughts

[eloquentmoon]

after three months the bitch is back!!!!

weird stream of consciousness update below the cut

during my hiatus i completely dropped out of my star wars fixation which was insanely weird because ive been deep in it for over two years. it threw me tf off because i became fixated on an old white man from a horror movie franchise instead????? i loved him when i was like 14 but didn't realise why i was so into him like i remember being young and attracted to this stupid man and being mad at myself for not being able to stop thinking about him and being so confused about it. but then i recently rewatched the movies and it hit me that bitch iM THIRSTING FOR HIM and now im not only writing fic for him but SMUT for an OLD WHITE MAN. HUMAN MAN!!! HUMAN!!!! who would ever think we'd see the day when lil moonie was writing for a HUMAN instead of an alien???????? not ME!!!! i know some of y'all saw my ao3 updates and were like tf is happening??? bitch idk either. im just horny ig.

anyway.

im back. again. now the heat from the white man obsession is cooling off slightly im back dabbling in the sw universe again, mainly space gays, my oc mimi being a lil lesbian whore. maul is on my mind again, always. and ofc wolfwren my pretty little lesbian emo girls UGH. i read the britney memoir and the inspo and motivation for mimi has returned so maybe ill play more with her and my OCs and the mimiverse in general ahhhhh

otherwise, im still broke!!! still mentally ill!!!!! nothing much else has changed except im kicking ass with recovery and will be discharged from services soon (yay me!)

im gonna be way less serious with fandom and not get as obsessive about it moving forward so expect a stupid amount of shit posting and any drama will be immediately curb stomped (blocked). and i will be less weird about everything (hopefully) but just as unhinged (definitely)

lol happy halloween happy november happy fall remember to prepare yourself for S.A.D season honey, it's here and the depression is ready to strike

love u

[jellyfish-grave]

I've been meaning to make a pinned post for a while now, so...

HI!! Welcome to my blog!!! :D

I'm Camms/Sunny, I go by He/they, and I'm not giving my age srry (but im a minor).

I'm matching PFPs with my beloved @buttercup-flower-x (my love my boyfriend my world my everything yesyes wahoo!!!) and my child @kqth320 (trust me totally)!!!!! 🎀🎀🎀

My obsessions are Spike Chunsoft games (read: Danganronpa and Rain Code), Persona 5, Outer Wilds, Scott Pilgrim (a bit.), Project Sekai, Vocaloids in general (if u come up to me just to tell me vocaloid fans who got into it through proseka are fake fans uh. Dont 😶), a lot of extremely niche media (The Orbital Children or An Untitled Story for example), A Hat In Time AND THIS MFING EMOJI 🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀!!!!!!! I have a thousand OCs, and even more AUs!! :3

I draw (traditional+digital) Ocs and Fanart, I code, I sing, I write, and some other stuff ^^

You can find me on AO3 @/Jellyfish_Grave where I post some AU stuff (and sometimes even some OCs. Rn it's mainly just OCs but I have something that's cooking in the oven :3).

I'm also on instagram but I'm completely innactive. Might add my username once I start posting on there again.

Classic DNI applies, but there really isn't any point saying so. Oh and DNI if you're a fandom purist. Like you only want perfect healthy stuff be created for fandoms. I'm too lazy to explain my arguments, so I'll just block you if you don't respect that! Just be nice, and don't start shipping discourse ty ❤

Anyone is welcome to DM me, but I will block you if you make me uncomfy or if you actively hate one of my favs. Nothing against you ^^

I will be horny on main at times. It's rare so I generally don't wanna make an alt just for that, but be warned. I might consider making a tag just for it so people can block it but yeah.

Blog tags are:

#Camma the drawer (art tag)

#Camma rambles (where i ramble abt shit)

#camms lore??? (Vent tag) (I will not get offended if u block it. I created it so u can block it. Just don't reblog these ^^)

#Cam Ocs (for any oc related content)

#camma fics tag (self explanatory! Posts with links to my fics.)

My sideblogs are these!!

@daigo-rikuto (my p5 protagonist's blog)

@paler-entries (hasnt been updated in a while, unreality blog)

@sanananananananan (one of my p5 oc's blogs. Very empty. Bleh)

Some ships you can expect on this blog (so if they trigger you, you can leave and be on your way safely o7): Akeshu (P5, Goro Akechi×protagonist); Timebuddies (Outer Wilds, Gabbro×Player Character); Scollace (SPVTW, Scott Pilgrim×Wallace Wells); Komahina (Sdr2, Hajime Hinata×Nagito Komaeda); Makoyuma (MDA:RC, Yuma Kokohead×Makoto Kagutsuchi), and some more I'm probably forgetting. I'm generally a multishipper but those are my main ones!

All of my OCs will be tagged with their full name (except the few that don't have family names, in which case the tag sample will be [story they're from] [name]).

Don't scroll too far into my danganronpa art, I was a cringe kid back then. Cringe as in had unlimited access to internet so that did not turn out well. Please don't harass me over like 2 year old posts thx

[mr-orion]

i was very, very bored

btw, out of all your ocs, who's your favourite? im placing my bet on this mermaid man considering how you've talked about him :3

Mzamaki is easy to talk about because I dont have a set guide of rules for his character. It's nice!

Okay I've avoided answering because you're fucking! right! and I didn't want you to be right but also NOW I HAVE ANOTHER FAVORITE FAVORITE.

Anywayyyyy

My trouble child, the man i've poured a healthy amount of my personality into this last week especially.

Dragon shifter Baron! >:D

Hes temperamental and he loves his 3 mates. He has done two(2) separate rampages because he found out someone hurt his partner. (Two complex stories with completely different circumstances but thats the gist)

He hoards riches and lives in a nice mansion and has an eidetic memory which allows him to obsess over his hoard. Cause he's a dragon at heart.

He's a very caring dragon but he will not hesitate to have a fit. Sometimes he'll be outside angrily hopping in the sand over something small. Othertimes hes hunting sea monsters.

Occasionally Mzamaki and he drink at his husbands guild. Mzamaki enjoys the company but Baron makes a poor conversationalist if his partners aren't in sight because he'll just ramble about missing them. When they're in sight Baron doesn't usually want to talk to Mzamaki.

On occasion Mzamaki can get Baron to talk about spellcasting and dragon magic but that usually loops around to him missing his first partner as they specialize in collecting books on the subject.

Very loving drunk.

There has been a few times wher Mzamaki and Baron fight. While Baron throws Mzamaki around easily and pummels him he always lets Mzamaki live. Simply because he knows fate and lady death favor Mzamaki, and if he were to keep going Mzamaki would find a way to cause his demise. Basically Mzamaki, the suicidal fish, has insane plot armor because death was like "fuck you, live forever." Mzamaki actually isn't aware of fates sway for him.

Unfortunately this is all you'll get about him from me because I've been shameless with the NSFW-ness of his character. Everything else I can ramble about him is just exposing me as a lil freak.

[dunmertwink]

Some asks, if I may, for the brilliant Kestrel Everdusk!

3) How often do they show their genuine emotions to others versus just the audience knowing?

38) What hobby are they good at in private, but bad at in front of others? Why?

49) Would they eat something they find gross to be polite?

Cheers, mate! :) 🩵

Ahhhh, thank you @tavsboots!!!! I love talking about my boy!!! Let's see:

3) Kes tends to put on airs! Publicly, everything he does is a performance. He doesn't really show his true emotions unless he trusts the person implicitly, which is rare. Wyll broke through first, as they've met before - see the fic i wrote below (sorry in advance if you decide to read it; its a bit awkward as im not the best writer). Funnily enough, Astarion was the last person to gain his trust even though they've been sleeping with one another for months. To anyone new, he has this larger-than-life, flamboyant personality. He's witty and nonchalant (hi, fav spell vicious mockery). He's suuuuper good at reading people and knows how to 'play the field' accordingly. Hence, people are either completely obsessed with him or they hate his guts (it's all part of his plan, lol. Meaning he's very cautious about who he lets in). But despite this grandiose mask he wears, he's actually really concerned with what people think of him. He worries that people can see through the mask and see someone who is broken and weak (a projection of how he feels of himself). He deeply connects with the tiefling children as he sees himself in them; scrappy little urchins trying to get by in a world that would spit on them. And as it turns out, he's a really sweet and caring person under all that bs! Once he knows and trusts someone, he's basically the "mom friend," no matter how hard he tries to hide it. So this whole long-winded answer to say that the companions see the real Kestrel by Act II (and if they paid attention, by the end of Act I).

38) Hmm! I think this one kinda goes with #3 a little! He's good at chess (from fairly high wisdom and intelligence). He pretends he's bad at it as a measure of the person he's playing. Will they try to take advantage of him, or will they be helpful? In Act II at Last Light, when Mol is playing Raphael, he leans on Gale in order to help Mol as a way to throw Raphael off later on. He eventually plays Gale and surprises him! Gale still ends up winning but is pleasantly surprised by the challenge.

49) He would! As he grew up a street urchin, he became very used to eating anything he could find (his parents were around but they were so poor - things got a little better for the family when Kestrel was 12, as his dad was able to open a small shop). Now that he's older (27 at the start of the game, 28 during Act III), some habits die hard. I remember that interaction with Okta, the old tiefling woman making stew in the Emerald Grove. She mentions something about tav having lived a hard life since they happily take to gruel after she offers.

Again, thanks so much!!! Apologies this is so long I never wanna shut up about my ocs!!! ❤️❤️ Also, the fic i mentioned in #3 (cw's in red before the 'read more'):

[eirian]

p sure i mentioned this in a different ramble post but auuughhh. im wayyyy to impatient with one way dream LOL. i keep expecting it to be like mirrors and just Happen Very Quickly but with mirrors i was so obsessed w making ocs to the point of where the story very easily fell into place. but with owd, my oc creation process is very slow--i havent even DESIGNED some of the MAIN CAST... augh

i just really really really wanna start one way dream's comic. and while i could just go ahead and start it by calling it done irt story length and just make a sequel or something, or add onto it later, im just like. idk. i feel weird not having a Full Story planned out. WHICH IS ALSO A THING I KINDA WANNA GET OVER bc i KNOW sonic's (and a lot of other comics') story was not COMPLETELY planned out from the beginning. its gone on too long for that to be a thing. so i could just, keep the comic perpetually open, honestly

the problem with that though, and the reason why i dont feel like i can do it, is because i have certain character arcs that Do End. like, nocturne's and heolstor's for example. thatd be like if they just ended dr. eggman's and shadow's stories. the series would be over!!!

so i feel like i want to bulk up the story a BIT more before i can make the comic real. but...also...i want to do the comic so bad LOL so i dont know what to do. rahhh rahhhhh

[itsjaywalkers]

hi lovey how are you <3

it's late—like,,,4am late—and im somehow spewing out actual sentences BUT i have a question and i've been debating on how to start this whole thing so ill just say fuck it n get it out there—how do you keep up with all your wips??? bc like,,,,i've started writing, and i LOVE it. it's so fun to have these ideas finally out in word format instead of just stuck in my head.

but i have a really bad habit of starting smth n then...moving on to smth else when inspiration strikes. i occasionally go back to what i was originally writing, but even then it doesn't last long before im starting a whole new story 😭 im a little peeved as i've completely abandoned this one writing i slaved away at for days abt the backstory of one of my ocs—im somewhat proud of it n i don't want to just not get back into it.

as i write this, im currently staring at my laptop as i churn out yet another story of said oc (along with multiple other ocs myself n a friend made together) n im just,,,perplexed?? i suppose, on how so many fic writers keep up with all their wips.

i realize now that im just droning on n on so ill end here. writing is a bitch but also feels me with accomplishment when i do end up finishing smth, so i was just curious as to how you work around wips n things like that.

hello darling, i'm okay!! kinda dreading today's shift, but it is what it is. how are u tho??

and to be honest with u, i don't keep up with my wips like . at all . i do try to maintain some order, and sometimes i forbid myself from working on a story in favour of focusing on another one, but it doesn't always work, and there are times in which i really want to work on a fic even tho it's not a priority or supposed to be posted any time soon. but still, i try not to beat myself up over it, bc fanfiction is a hobby and something that i do for fun!! it shouldn't feel like a chore, so even if i do want to keep a schedule or alternate between wips so i can have some resemblance of balance, it's not really necessary, or even possible, considering the amount of wips i have lmao. it's our work and our writing, we're free to never finish anything if we don't want to, or to write 13847872648 fics at the same time, or to write only one for the rest of our lives. there are no rules or a right way to go about it yk??? i totally get the need to . focus on just one project, or at least be able to finish something, anything, but it'll happen at some point, i promise, and u should never force yourself, especially when it comes to an activity u do bc u love it and enjoy it

it's different if we talk about original fiction or original characters.. at least in my case!! i didn't get into writing fanfic until a few years ago, but i've been writing original stories since i can remember!! in fact there's this one i'm very slowly making progress with, that i came up with back when i was 17, and that i really want to . finish someday and hopefully try and publish it. for me, and when i'm really passionate about a project, like with this one, i do . force myself to not write anything else . it's inevitable to get new ideas, so i write them down, i make pinterest boards and even outlines, and occassionally, i also start them, write a lil of them when i need a break or to scratch the itch. but otherwise i just . do my best to stick to the one that i really love and i'm the proudest of. i do tend to hyperfixate and obsess a lot, so it's not THAT hard for me, bc even if i do get distracted sometimes, i always come back to this story. especially since i've been working on it for almost 5 years now, and i know it like the back of my hand. i could write three prequels and four sequels lol

so really, i don't think there's a right or wrong way to go about this. one of my best friends, and a writer i quite admire, jumps from a wip to another all the time, and also struggles to finish a story, but she just . trusts the process . lets herself have fun and write whatever she wants every day . it's been a while since she last finished something but she isn't too worried yk?? she enjoys what she does, and what matters is that she keeps writing. every person is different, and the way they approach writing is, too!!

my advice is to try and find out what works best for u and to stop beating yourself up over something that might be out of ur control. if u have this one story that's really important to u and that u really wanna finish, then maybe ur gonna have to practise some self-discipline, and force yourself a little, forbid yourself from getting distracted with these other shiny new ideas. but if doing that ruins the whole thing for u and sucks the fun out of writing then . take it one day at a time, focus on something different each day, and start 4 stories in the same week. it doesn't matter babe!! writing is an art, there's not a correct way to do it!!

[growling]

Your au reminds me of a pair of ocs I have. They're gonna teach Yomi how to properly arrest then eat people without getting caught/suspected of anything

Step number 1: fridge

sdfwadsfdjhfg Yomi's just gonna be forever clowned on for the carcass packed mancave incident isn't he… no one's never gonna let him live it down huh. "GUYS I DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE IF I WAS BY ANY POINT NOTICED CARRYING SUSPICIOUSLY HUMAN-SHAPED BODY BAGS TO MY HOUSE AND A TEENAGER RECORDED IT AND UPLOADED IT TO TICTAC AND IT WENT VIRAL IT'D BE IN TROUBLE. NO I COULDN'T GET A PORTABLE FRIDGE TO THE DEN BECAUSE UH. THE SOCKET GOT BLOCKED BY SETH MEMORABILIA. SHUT UP!!! YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM GOING THROUGH DON'T TELL ME YOU CAN DO BETTER" he scream cries, but there is nothing he can do anymore to salvage his reputation. He will be forever known as the Dumbass That Single Handedly Managed To Give All The Other Homunculi A Bad Name (via slaying so many connected people & sticking to a single location, literally dooming himself to get caught within a month, he also significantly sped up the process of the general public finding out homunculi are a thing. while this would be inevitable anyway no matter how yomi went about his meal prep it's very easy and fun to just blame that one guy you didn't like anyway for the Horrors that are about to befall your collective species or whatever.)

But yeah. Yomi sure does happen in the unnamed growling brand au. Also, concerning how both the homunculi and their human originals are in many cases both somewhat important (sometimes equally so, like in the case of Yakou Times 2), I've been thinking of alt names/nicknames/aliases/you name it for the homunculi. To. Differentiate somehow. Since Yakou & Yakou are for a large chunk of the story doing their epic switcheroos and engaging in acts of trickery Yakou doesn't yet need a diff name to tell him apart from Yakou, so in my mind it's just Yakou Furio & Yakou Tworio. Hmc Martina 100% needs one, and I mean I could just go the easy way and slap her back with the good old Suwaro/Swallow, but I also hc that to be her deadname which uhh sjdfdgufh we'll figure it out guys. Aide/Fake Zilch doesn't even have an actual name anyway and his human og gets fucking digested within the first week, so is Seth, so I might not even bother.......... now Yomi, or, "Yomi" is an important character here so he needs it. While human Yomi is dead from the very very early on, he is also referenced, spoken and thought about a very significant amount through a very long period, like, clone Yomi is fucking OBSESSED with his original, and not in a sexy way. Sooooooo,

(this will probably not be worded as well as I originally hoped because I'm still not all there for the past couple of days jsut bear with me)

Hmc Yomi is actually the only character so far that I'm like, actually somewhat sure on an alias, but he didn't pick it out himself, and moreso was thrust upon him by the media/Amaterasu mostly also around when the killings were still ongoing and the culprit was completely unknown (but it was pretty much agreed on that it was almost certainly a member of the company) but after it was made clear by the WDO it was most likely an escaped homunculus. Like, you get how those serial killers get these way too cool nicknames on the newspaper? Practically what happened to him, except his is slightly less dignified or straightforward it's just There

Still a subject to change but I've been thinking of making him (un)officially dubbed as Heartworm (a dangerous parasite species primarily affecting canids and other carnivores, residing in their lungs or, well, heart, causing serious damage to the tissues, arteries, potentially heart failure, and whatever the hell else.) for a long while. I.e. the public & Amaterasu essentially calling him a deadly parasite lodged in the corporation's heart that needs to be dealt with as fast as possible before he destroys it from the inside out. He fucking hates it ksdjfhgdsiwesdf but doesn't say anything for obvious reasons just stares motherfuckerly at everyone at the peacekeeper meeting when they're discussing this. Also getting nicknamed after a literal animal is fitting for him because all the homunculi are getting dehumanized to hell and back anyway he's not special in that regard you cannot pay an Amaterasu researcher enough to cease the it/its

I was initially hesistant on settling for this one though because heartworms notably aren't really as much of a concern for humans as they are for their natural hosts, that is dogs (and also cats, bears, ferrets, sea lions but more commonly dogs and other canids you know like they're the main host you get me). But then it came to me that the overwhelming majority of "Yomi's" victims were fellow peacekeepers, and it just so happens that in my language we derogatorily call cops "dogs" and... yeah so it just wrote itself lol lmao even woof woof bark bark. hmc Yomi voice I HATE humans they make me use a fridge and shout go Heartworm go

was tyat anything . also WALL OF TEXT BLAST HE LOREDUMPED AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

[wroughted]

instead of a big formal post im just going to continue to spit out random wrought lore when i feel like it :)

WROUGHT LORE DUMP HOORAY 🔒😈

• wrought killed his abusive parents when she was 7 to escape with her little sister but his sister got sick with something mundane like a cold and died anyways within the week. he has never fully processed or recovered from this.

• wrought doesn’t know how old he is <3 (its about 35 probably) but he has no clue he doesn’t know his birthday or anything i don’t think his parents celebrated it in the first place but also. the…brain damage from how she grew up plays a part

• pre-tadpole he was in an extremely toxic situationship and with a dragonborn named epitaph who was a Bad Person. wrought wasn’t good either but in comparison to epitaph she’s an angel lmao. toxic butch on butch violence yay :)

• he LOOOOOVES lying its her favorite pastime :) think shawn spencer from psych type lying. like ridiculous levels of tomfoolery and shenanigans >:)

• he’s EERILY good at mimicking/changing his voice. she used a completely different voice from his actual voice around the companions until one day he just dropped it and everyone was like “DID ANYONE REALIZE THAT WASN’T HIS VOICE?!?!”

• continuing from the last 2 points wrought doesn’t understand how to be a Person unless she’s mimicking it for most of his life. wyll is key in him understand who He is and how to like. be okay with Feeling!!! [my brother’s ocs are also MAJOR factors, one of them and wrought were roommates before the epitaph incident when wrought got too…unsettling and scared him off but they reconnect and are like siblings :’)]

• for some in game mechanic/play lore a BIG defining thing was he let astarion kill him when drinking his blood. wrought SOMEHOW hasn’t died after living so stupid and dangerously (and being yknow homeless. yay urchin bg) and basically has no fear of death now as long as its weird and for a bit or something. just very curious and unfazed by the whole deal and thought it would be cool to see what would happen if a vampire drank all his blood. wasn’t even mad @ astarion the next day which i think freaked astarion out a bit because well. thats weird wrought!!!!

• wyll is wrought’s first REAL relationship he’s NEVER had these feelings!!!! he slept with people all the time (milfs mostly bc they are obsessed with her 😌) whether for fun or mostly to get info/steal from people lmao…the closest to a “relationship” was epitaph which was bad and fucked up in every way and wouldve gotten wrought killed if epitaph hadn’t just happened to die

• besides wyll, wrought’s best friend is astarion and they are VERY codependent and sooo fucking weird together they make me want to cry <3

• need to talk more about just wyllwrought but they are t4t. this is essential. <3 <3

• most importantly wrought has a giant dick. <3