#which feels telling but i gotta think abt it more | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

upsidedowngrass · 2 years

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ALMOST done with : | compilation. after im done i already wanna do a liam smiling compilation, but i think i should do liam crying compilation and liam angry compilation bc i think that would ALSO lend itself well to future analysis!!!!

#like . i mentioned in that one post that im undecided on how often he cries #i think a list of every time he DOES cry could be helpful in determining this #same for the other ones!!!!! look im very interesting in how he acts and stuff like this helps SO much #like knowing he only apologizes like once or twice in the series? influences how i write him a LOT #ppl write him saying 'sorry' WAY more often than i think is in character #which i think relates to the whole 'lack of manners' thing #i dont think saying sorry is smth that occurs to him very often. thinks its kinda pointless if i had to guess why #like a 'thinks verbally apologizing is kinda unimportant #since it doesnt actually do anything' kinda guy?#maybe i should compile every time he apologizes for smth actually #cus i know he does when amelias talking abt stone making her team win #which feels telling but i gotta think abt it more #BUT of course that is simply my interpretation!!!!#also ngl it IS a good way to get myself to rewatch!!!!#i have a hard time sitting down to watch smth if im by myself n theres no 'reason' to bc i feel like im not doing anything and get Nervous #so!!!! it helps rewatches :D #anyway

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bunnihearted · 3 months

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regardless of the "learn how to be alone" dravel, being lonely actually is really bad for your mental health and can be very painful :p

#i've been doing so so bad #and i've had breakdowns frequently this past week #and i dont have friends or family or a partner or even a therapist lmao #so im alone and thus only feeling worse and worse #my mom has been in an unusual bad mood lately so i havent been able to talk to her at all #but today she asked me to go to her to the store bc she wanted me to buy smth #and on the way we watched the snails and she found them cute (she has never appreciated snails before)#and now i instantly feel a bit better and a bit more normal after only 15 min of hanging out with her #it's so easy for ppl who have family or friends or a partner to judge and criticize me #but like.... u have ppl close to u and u know nothing abt what it feels like to be in my position #it's so condescending and lacking of compassion #i dont understand your pov either but at least im not TELLING YOU directly how much i judge you #like ppl judge me so hard for feeling miserable in my loneliness... but it's easy for u to say those things #like u dont feel my despairing loneliness bc u have a fkn partner. u have fkn friends. or a fkn family. easy for u to judge me from up ther #anyway im much better at being alone than most ppl bc im still alive and im enduring the pain every day #other ppl have ppl around them 💀 only others who are all alone can understand how much it hurts #and it wont be fixed by loving yourself or loving to be alone or whatever other bs they use to criticize u ._.#being alone IS harmful to your health. there are studies on it and im not just making that shit up #i AM allowed to feel pain bc i dont have anyone #ugh esp ppl w partners who can receive physical and romantic attention.... when they judge me.....#stfu forever u have no idea how i feel 💀 and u could never know simply by having had a partner at all...#but yeah. it bothers me too bc i NEVER see someone on here and go #damn i hate this sm i gotta let them know by sending them anons or vague post abt them #like i dont get up in their faces and tell them all my judgemental or bitter or hateful thoughts abt them #even this post is only bc other ppl have taken the liberty to without my consent or having asked tell me directly how pathetic i am #how im not allowed to feel alone. how i have a victim mentality so on and so forth #i never tell other ppl things like that. even if i think them (which honestly i rarely do unless they're extremely toxic TO other ppl) i wo #say shit abt it to them.... ??? like why?#when i sometimes see like ppl have friends on here or talk abt their partners i can feel bitter and jealous #bc im surrounded by seeing things i so deeply crave but im not a humanbeing worth of those things

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waywardsalt · 3 months

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with my phantom hourglass replay, there are two things i noticed;

a possible theme you could glean from the game is action vs inaction, and i think it's especially prevalent before you even leave mercay the first time, with oshus frequently urging link to not go after the ghost ship, then to just wait until the broken bridge is fixed, and seems reluctant at every turn while link and ciela are more than eager to go and do something about this problem, and the people of mercay in general talking about things and their problems but never seeming to act on their fears or desires, as well as the mention that due to the ghost ship, very very few people are still sailing around, while linebeck is one of the only people we see in the game actively going after the ghost ship and still sailing around. i might make a longer post just talking more about the action vs inaction in phantom hourglass but i just noticed it a bit and thought it was a bit of an interesting sort of theme you could find in the game.

linebeck moves so fucking much. i think he moves more than any npc in the rest of the game. not just in his intro cutscene where he is very animated, just in how much he moves when just standing in his little idle post, it's damn near distracting when the camera is focused on him, he moves a lot. i don't think i've really acknowledged how much he moves, and it really gives the impression that he's antsy or eager to get going, both of which fit him pretty well with how he acts.

#phantom hourglass #linebeck #loz #legend of zelda #salty talks #imo the action vs inaction thing feels esp interesting to me when looking at oshus specifically. he and his world are in grave danger #and he knows it and he actively does nothing and even seems reluctant to let ciela and link go ahead and do something.#of course he comes around on it but it's very interesting. has he given up at that point? thats what it suggests to me #that hes like. joined the people of mercay in just lying down and waiting for other people to fix their problems or just. not do anything #otherwise on mercay you have that old guy in the bar who spends the whole game not leaving bc he doesnt want to face his wife #and she never goes to the bar to actually look for him and just talks about it if anything #the guy with the blue tunic talks a lot about linebeck and his ship and almost gives the impression that he really wants to talk to him #but yknow. doesnt. theres the women that tells you about docks being shut down and how linebeck is the only person who's showed up #the woman you see at the broken bridge who's just like oh well! time to wait til someone fixes it.#even the guy fixing the bridge iirc is like well fuck i gotta do it or else oshus is going to bitch at me abt it #everyone seems reluctant to act which makes for an interesting way in how our main crew stands out #it is less so oh theyve been chosen specifically for this its moreso they're the ones who are fucking doing something about this #for their own various reasons some of which are more selfish but theyre still doing something #will likely have more stuff to say when im done but ofc we have other characters in the game who have to do with this #anyways. linebeck is so animated all of the fucking time it's great i dont think theres any other character that moves as much as him #when he's just standing around to talking to link it's great. he's so ready to get going.#it works with him being an anxious mess and also with like. oh he's probably understimulated. you know he's got a nasty case of wanderlust #i can put it with the idea that he's understimulated and afraid to stim in public so he's just constantly moving #he probably drums his fingers on tables bounces his leg when sitting paces around switches the way he sits or lays down often #tbh this kinda fits in with him being one of the main characters who takes action moreso than a lot of other characters #his arc culminates in him taking action he's going after the ghost ship he's moving around the world the only issue is that one of the #actions he takes is running away from his problems literally n metaphorically (tho idk if facing the jolene problem is a good idea for him)

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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year

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Boy King Seb :D

#thank you to Grace for the idea of making his chivarly collar red bull instead <33333 #he was gonna have both collars but then making that one made me suffer so no not today #this was a lot of fun but also made me suffer. but i keep looking at it and being like AAAHHHHH BABY!!! BABY BOY!!!!!!!#can you believe i tried to do this in one night? i cant #i stopped and came back to it and was like 'no way you could do this in one sitting at 1 am'#this is kinda the ascended form of that very first sketch i made for this au! concentrated boy king sebby!!!#i say to myself i need to take a break from drawing complicated things but youll prob see a nando version of this in less than a week ;;;#okay about the drawing(i wrote good tags and then tumblr deleted them so these are a bit inferior AGH):#this is typical pouty seb but is also referenced off a specific pic from AD 2009(beloved)#its very important to me how emotionally open Seb is. im not sure the specific context of this. maybe after a triumph?#but instead of being that typical stoic serious detached kind of ruler; i like him being openly emotional(think AD 2010)#its important as well for his dichotomy with nando and how they choose to portray themselves #seb is very assured in himself and his rule vs. nando who is more insecure and bitter about his #so nando takes strides to portray himself in that more stoic calculating way bcs he feels like it helps him legitimize himself better #whereas seb has absolutely no care for outward public image and shows how he feels and is loved for it(nando hates it but loves it)#not that nando cant be fun and whimsical!! but to me he always seems a bit more mysterious; like i can never tell his true thoughts tbh #anyways i feel like ill finish 10 more drawings before i end up posting the lore pt 2 LMAO #its just a lot harder to organize and layout compared to part 1 which was just an explanation #pt2 would be a mix of more world building/characterization/anecdotes ive talked about with mutuals(LOVE YOU GUYS!!!)#i have a *lot* of ideas (gotta whip out my notes app every once in a while to write down stuff abt it) just hard to put into a coherent pos #sebastian vettel #f1 #formula 1 #f1 art #formula 1 art #f1 fanart #formula 1 fanart #catie.art.#*ill prob make a process post later if anyone is curious!! its fun to write abt my process and influences and such #boy king au

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kuiinncedes · 2 months

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:|

#up at 4 for no reason lollolololllllll #and my brain has decided to fixate on glowstick club show the moment of like #delaying our show start time and waiting to hear from someone abt if we could start #so i could tell our members when we were starting #and i have thought abt this show sm but i haven’t thought abt that moment lmfao ??????#why am i suddenly only thinking abt that #and also thinking abt the stage manager bc i don’t think we were great w her 😭😭😭#not that we were rude or bad or anything but just personally i feel like i was thinking abt a lot of stuff #ig probably understandably but after the show ppl said the stage manager was frustrated or like #wished we were more communicative #which also lowkey wasn’t my job necessarily bc we have a logistics chair for that #but she was working w the lighting person and lemme not start thinking abt that too bc illl also start feeling bad abt that LMAO #bro like the show was great why am i like brain pooping all over it rn #like tiny little moments that probably no one remembers lol #but aso i need to actually send a msg related to this show that i’ve been procrastinating to shit #abt videos from our show that still haven’t been uploaded that i put audio on and uploaded to drive #overthinking it bc i am not in like a pleadership position anymore so #what am i doing asking them if we can upload these vids soon LOL #but also i asked over a week ago and was ghosted 😭😭😭#so i rly gotta follow up lol ANYWAY #can i pls finish this bedtime fic and have my brain shut up and sleep lol #but also i just don’t want to sleep c:#jeanne talks

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tsukasalover · 15 days

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(credits to ssruis)

This song is the only thing keeping me going I do not play about mr showtime 😞 nothing ruined me (made my life better) the way this song did

(Sendn. Me songs to do this with in my ask box… sniffle…)

#circuses? heh.. yeah.. im familiar… jesters? oh #even better…. rellakinoko? now hold on this is already gonna be good… tsukasa tenma? im sold. the fish has been captured. im followinf the #sirens into the deepest parts of the sea and wont be coming back. Unfortunately i had gotten t1k (t571) on ensekai for phoenix and am still #bitter about it. Emu and nene came home but the ugly blonde didnt. This is why we’re having problems tsukasa #i have a mr showtime themed custom profile that needs to be finished aand i gotta work on my one for #tsukasa4 #ill be more prepared for that one im certain of it #knocking on wood #PRAYING.#t500 would have been nice you know… unfortunately i ran out of resources.#i think the amount of time and love ive poured into making everything abt this event makes up for this though. Also this is gonna sound #obnoxious but i feel like one of the five people who actually. You know. Get the event. Like its importance which ill elaborate on in a #future post. Everybody wants to talk about this event but nobody wants to read the story #and the side stories Guysss ur missing out its so good when youre not forcing urself to think tsukasa has an ed and dont even know a single #thing abt acting yet believe one google search can prove that method acting is Absolutely Totally Going To Ruin His Life #i dont think fasting was alright it was pretty stupid but what he did doesnt make him have an ed or this or that #I do think you should be very. Very careful with method acting by the way. That can mess you up. But i dont think thats where theyll be #taking tsukasa in the future. Yes itd be nice to show the risks and get a You know be careful but its not as dark and This is gonna ruin hi #😞😨My poor baby!! As people think #omg i got sidetracked LET ME TALK ABT THE BINGO???1?1? Easily distracted ass #Uhm. Where do i begin. Nvm i dont wanna write too much more but this song truly does mean the world to me #And rella’s art is so goood my eyes are always glued to it. For some reason i keep having trouble fcing the expert chart for it on ensekai #ut was just fine on jpsekai. Frowny face. I could listen to the song all day though #Those instrumentals are popping offff i tell you #hidden circus #wonderlands x showtime #wxs #wansho #commissioned song #prsk

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lunar-fey · 1 month

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ohhhh my god. okay. so. my aunt does like, she buys random junk in bulk from retail wholesalers and then resells it on like, facebook marketplace and ebay and stuff. whatever. so my mom works for her. makes a flat $50 a day, regardless of the fact that shes disabled and doing hard labor for at least 8 hours a day, often 10+. and min wage here is $10 an hour but mom argued that $50 a day is still more than what she would make working the same hours at an actual job because of taxes...like girl that would be 50% taxes. you do not pay that fucking much. so thats already Bad.

but today mom shows me a video of a knife theyre gonna sell, and i watch 2 seconds and i realize its an automatic knife, and i tell her hey. thats illegal to possess in this state. let alone sell! and mom is like ohhh [aunt] knows what shes doing itll be fine.... we sell knives on there all the time she just doesnt put pictures and calls them something else on the listing to get around fb/ebays policies :)

LIKE. HELLO. THATS NOT BETTER. YOURE COMMITTING MULTIPLE CRIMES. *AS YOUR JOB.* and she was just like "its not a big deal she knows what shes doing." folks, this is the same aunt that, very illegally, paid me to sort through her clients confidential tax documents and bank records and stuff. because she works for a bank. and took the records home to sort them. i dont think she DOES know what shes doing, actually!

#why do both of my parents need to be so impressively incompetent. i like. cannot find the words for how . i feel about this #like. idc about crimes. go forth. be free. but maybe. just maybe. you should not make your job #“hi today i will post about how i am selling illegally possessed objects on a widely used public forum”#dont do crimes STUPID. yanno.#in other parent news. its now like. month 6 or so of dad refusing to get his insurance reinstated.#hes been on the same step (taking his paystubs to the dhhr office) for like 3 months?#anyway apparently he found out today/last night that when he was a kid he was diagnosed with gastroparesis !#which is like ! cool! you have a diagnosis AND ive been living with that for 16 years and can help you 🥰#but we were sitting there with mom (this was right before the knife thing) and she was like “well you gotta get your insurance now so you #can get on the right meds“ and dad was like yeah ill go....#and mom was saying well go in the morning when they open etc etc and he was like i will #and i pointed out that just two weeks ago i told him that too. and he didnt want to. bc hed lose money due to not being able to work #and mom was like well he doesnt work at 8am. and i was like yeah i know but i told him to go at 8am two weeks ago and that was his response #and then he proceeded to claim that this whole time he didnt know they opened at 8am.#folks. he doesnt start working until like...usually 10 or so. WHAT GOVERNMENT OFFICE DOESNT OPEN UNTIL 10.#PLUS. WE LIVE IN A RURAL HOUR. *BUSY* TAKES LIKE AN HOUR. MOST OF THE TIME YOURE IN AND OUT WITHIN 20 MINITES.#ive been fucking considering PAYING HIM to go get it.#and then he claims he didnt know it opened at 8am. when i have told him that. MULTIPLE TIMES.#WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE LIKE THISSSS THEYRE THE MOST IMMATURE ADULTS IVE EVER MET AND THATS IMPRESSIVE!!!#IVE KNOWN PEOPLE WHO PAY THEIR RENT IN COKE OR WHO ARE ESSENTIALLY PROFESSIONAL PARTIERS. AND *THEYRE* MORE RESPONSIBLE AND MATURE THAN MY #PARENTS. SO WHAT GIVES.#also theyre 50 like cmon yall. youre not even 20 or 30. i think you should know how to not like. get your job shut down or die of lack #of medication.#did i tell yall one of the times a few months ago i was nagging dad abt getting his insurance #his response was literally. no exxageration.#he was like oughhh i dont wanna see doctors because then theyll find out somethings wrong with me #and ill have to go on a bunch of medication.#and then he actually for real. said.#“being on too many medications killed my grandma”#even mom was like cmon man. thats not even true. they misdiagnosed her and put her on WRONG meds. she wasnt even on that many.

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seventh-district · 4 months

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#Seven’s Public Diary #vent post #vent #cw vent post #cw vent #cw health #cw medical #cw medication #cw death #death mention #after nearly 2 weeks of unexplained pain and Symptoms and working myself up into the worst panic attack of my life #i finally caved and went to urgent care :)#it’s not lost on me that the same thing happened a little over a year ago. not bc of the same symptoms but it’s the same fear of dying #smthn smthn if i had a nickel smthn smthn weird that it happened twice. i rlly hope this doesn’t become a pattern #i can picture it now. every spring i walk in and they’re like ‘ugh it’s the neurotic hypochondriac with 4 anxiety disorders again 🙄#wonder what they think they’re dying of this time!’#sigh. anyways i’m fine. probably.#the consensus was ‘no you’re Probably not gonna have a stroke and die. you’re just Very stressed and in a lot of pain.’#got diagnosed with Stressed Guy Syndrome so now i take ✨painkillers✨ and ✨muscle relaxers✨ 🙃#they wanted me to take a steroid shot too but that felt like overkill. it’s also a big step for me to be willing to take anything at all #not bc i’m scared of getting a shot in the neck i’m just. scared of medication in general. the side effects. the potential for dependency.#it’s only for a week but i’m still uncomfy with it. but it Is nice to be in less pain. tho i have my doubts that it’ll help long term #time will tell. but i still can’t shake the fear of the tiny chance that it Could be more serious. but it’s not big enough for them to test #for it so. just gotta live with the fear. which in turn is making it hard to relax. which is what i’m supposed to be doing. so.#anyways. i Hope the meds work and i don’t end up back there next week spending More money and seeking more treatment #sighhhh i just can’t catch a break these days. it’s Always Something #at least the electricity and internet are back on after the tornado last week. and at least i’m not in much pain for now. silver linings.#sorry to everyone i’ve unintentionally ghosted but it’s been hard to think through the pain and now the meds are making me eepy #hopefully i’ll recover and recharge my social battery sooner than later. bc i do feel v bad abt it #and it’s So nice to sleep without much pain so i’m. taking advantage of that this week. Seven Try To Relax Challenge 2024

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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#i spend so mad god damn time bitching on this website. its bc i dont talk to ppl. whens the last time i had a non functional conversation?#uuuuhhh last weekend or maybe the weekend before that? so like i gotta complain somewhere. so if i stop complaining u can assume i made #friends lmao. ugh. its just. im worried. im worried abt how this semester is gonna go. how this phd program is gonna go #bc i spent the last 2 years destroying myself. realized ive gotta stop doing that. haven't figured out how to stop and now im gonna triple #the amount of pressure im under while trying to do things in a more healthy way. its just like. it objectively doesnt seem like a formula #for good things to happen. im more worried for how catastrophic its gonna b on my brain than i am abt the things i think most ppl would b #concerned abt. like im not worried abt planning and executing a project or teaching beyond fear of the unknown #its like. ive done these things before. theyre difficult but u make due and tackle the problems. but when it comes to: how to maintain a #healthy school/life balance? i dont even kno where to start with that. i just dont bc when u have a learning disability things just take #more time but like how much time is too much? where does it end? i dont kno how to manage it and i dont wanna hate my project by the end #of this. i want to b excited and not paralyzed bc im afraid i cant change my behavior and its gonna kill me #and im worried bc im meeting with my advisor for the 1st time since march before i agreed to join thr lab and have i prepared for this #project which is almost complete unrelated to what i did in my last lab? no bc ive been managing data and im still not done managing data #bc i cant focus bc i collected that data in a way that was actively self destructive. and i mean i kno itll b fine. thr guy seems nice i #just hate that im showing up devoid of enthusiasm bc its all been drowned out by the fear. and thats also gonna make teaching a problem #bc its hard to b excited abt things when there's a hole in your chest and ur desperate for someone to tell u how to fix it. but idk helping #ppl does usually make me feel better so maybe itll b a good thing. forgot how much i feel like im dying when i sit in meetings and #classroom tho lol. god its been 2yrs since i was a student. classes feel like such bullshit now. and yet if i dont get all As i might die #my students better b good. i have the 1st lab section bc thr lead ta couldnt do that time. so im the trial lab and i start fucking Monday #who tf does labs the 1st week of class? ugh. also its an intro bio so like 2/3 of thr class r freshman. lil bby 18yos and some r non bio #majors. and ive been warned that sometimes there r problems with ppl who don't believe in evolution and cause problems. pls let my classes #b good. im not that worried. its just gonna b annoying as fuck. im not good at being authoritative #ugh. i should b reading papers so i dont look like too much of an idiot tomorrow. itll b fine im just an anxious freak. a lil over a week #until i can try to find a therapist. probably seek medication bc i dont kno how else to stop this bullshit. annoying. i grew up with a dad #who gets anxious abt the idea of taking too much medication when he tskes a single ibuprofen. in this household we feel pain and then we #die miserable. this is all his fault. we have the same brain.im just a lil more irradidic than him #its so funny i say that bc im like the least irradic person ever. i do the same things every god damn day. im just irradic in terms of #sometimes i feel like my brain is on fire and im a cry bby lol #whatever. enough bitching. ive got papers to read. or maybe ill just go to bed and read them tomorrow 🙄#unrelated

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aeide-thea · 2 years

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what if this year i gave up on even gesturing at ""passing"" and instead embraced the world of weird unisex natural-fiber garments available on etsy 🤔

#like. they have unisex wool so-called harem pants!!#(i want to do more reading abt different cultures' versions of men's/unisex drop-crotch pants but a ten-second google was weirdly unhelpful #(actual info drowned out by listicles basically. will have to find some real books or something)#(specifically i like when they're almost a triangle‚ as opposed to like‚ just really full-cut trousers that look more western)#i have gotten so much flack from my family over the years for liking that style of pant #(which like. okay. you think it's ugly. i get that but like. WHY do you think it's ugly.)#(is it perhaps possible yr taste has been shaped by western standards.)#and i stopped wearing the summer-weight pair i used to have when i started vaguely trying to pass #but like. lately my gender feelings are mostly 'i'm an agender gremlin creature and i'm gonna wear some androgynous clothes about it'#which mostly is like. men's joggers with a hoodie if we're being honest #also some baggy cargo pants with a hoodie. every once in a blue moon the hoodie gets swapped out for a baggy wool sweater.#but i gotta say i kind of love the idea of baggy dropcrotch pants (also with hoodie)#and now you tell me i can even get my winter wool freak on about it?? amazing.#anyway we'll see but i'm having fun looking at all the unusual-by-normative-western-standards woolens etsy wants to show me #feels good feels organic etc (but like. in many cases literally lmao)#sartorial #journaling

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monsterbisexual · 1 year

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if i call in sick to work i shld tell them im having symptoms of emotional turmoil, physical agony n excessive bleedinfg so im gonna stay home bye

#dont have to give details i just think itd be a funny way to describe this monthly torment #also i rly am lucky i work at ass oclock in the morning cuz none of the managers are there yet #n us 5am ppl are the earliest to show up in my department so i just talk to whoever has the guy in charge phone #n its no one who will care so thats p nice #i do get anxious anyway but im just insane #also i always feel all guilty n embarrassed bleh #unless ofc i rly am mega sick #n ill have to let my mom know sometime if i do cuz she drops me off before she goes to her job #i always feel awkward n bad having to tell her im stayin home #overthinking forever yay #gotta figure this out #i just know if im at work tomorrow even if everything isnt fucked or awful like it can be there #n i feel how ive felt sometimes today like physically #dont wanna be thereeeee n im already gonna be in pain from working n now extra emotional. dies #according to my phone call history i called in like Exactly 2 months ago #which is more than the 3 months they want in between call ins but i dont think anyone else cares abt that #like coworkers of mine i mean #hmmmmmmm #p

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this-doesnt-endd · 7 months

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I feel like my crown just shifted up oh my god

#i have a cleaning thursday before work so like i can tell someone #but also why did i do that i schedualed it super early like im already regreting it #considering itll be the day after valentines which means my shift ends at 9/9:30 #and ill have to be there at my dentist by 7:30am #its whatever i just need to finish my dental work at the office then get my wisdom tooh pulled and ill be done w my teeth health wise #and then its onto the allergy shots which reminds me i have to reschedual my appt w my ent hoepfully its not anything too crazy far out #but i wanna talk w him and be like hey these shits are expensive what are my options or do u wanna be a homie and update my diagnosis #so they can get covered by my insurance cause i think if i can breath at like even 80% capacity my life would immensly change #and i was reading abt how like major chronic allergies lead to inflamation and my drs were concered abt that n i know i need to lose weight #but not being able to breath thru my nose hinders that to a degree #but like severe allergies are horrible for inflamation and like fucks up ur body and its like no wonder i feel horrible all the time #and itll prolly massively improve my sleep which also helps you #and i gotta go see my thyroid dr whos on the opposite end of town and wont answer the fucking phone to schedule and appt #cause i have to do that to renew my prescription and frankly i wish my primary dr could take care of that or get a new thyroid dr in general #but shes on maternity leave so ill have to wait for that #my dentist is also on maternity leave so ill have to see a diff one #i also ghosted my cardiologist but he literally called and was like ur fine the tests we ran showed ur in good health #but u should be more in shape and i didnt want another lecure abt being fat so i didnt go but i prolly should tho my results #prolly arent relavent anymore #and ive attemped ive done my bike workout a bit but its also been winter and i cannot bring myself to do anything besides rot in bed #most of the time and if i am going out its like to the movies or events where i just stand around and talk to people very low effort #i also have to email that lady abt my cetificate i still havent gotten abd the haircut place who charved me twice and write that damn review #that ive forgotten so many times

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raisethe-velvet · 1 year

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the pain when like 90% of the fics on ao3 for one of ur fav ships r literally just nsfw

#this isnt like. serious or anything btw this is just me thinking thoughts im not here to tell people what to write and what not to write #but like. theres so much more to these characters and their relationship #like. theres certain ships i like bc theyre wholesome and cute and all the fics r like. smut #not mentioning which specific ship im talking abt here but like. yeah #i feel like this is a controversial or unpopular thought..?#anyway. i gotta learn to write fanfic. i probably could but i feel iffy writing abt existing characters bc i cannot keep them in character

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tkbrokkoli · 2 years

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a colleague of mine used to be a professional athlete in the 80s and today she showed me and another colleague photographs from back then and she casually mentioned that two of her team mates outed themselves as trans men and two as lesbians later in life and i was like !!!!!! im

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bddybby666 · 10 months

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real talk i’m def understanding my attachment style so much better & tbh i’m way more anxious than i’ll ever admit & it’s when feelings of anxiety/uncertainty/ or any uncomfortable feeling in any relationship that makes me think avoidance is the solution & so my solution to that problem is to to try to better communicate & get better coping skills for anxiety/fear/doubt etc etc & to self sooth & reassure&validate myself better but also actually reach out to ppl if i need outside support as well (bc i rlly never want to b avoidant sometiems i need time to process/actually figure out how to properly articulate things but overall have learned so many times that avoidance never works & hurts myself & the ppl i love & care abt & i’m rlly trying hard not to do that

bc i rlly crave such close connection & then the thought of not having that connection makes me so scared i’m like oh wait if i pretended like i never needed it in the first place (even tho i rlly rlly rlly do) idk if they makes any sense idc i feel like every time im home i slowly understand a little more as to why the way i am lol

i care!!!!!! i care i care i care …. i care so much it hurts so bad i care so much it makes me sometimes wish i didn’t care but i can’t not …. i care so much

#anyway i gotta go to bed i j wanted to write this down before i forgot #i feel like i could talk abt it more but #idk i think i might have bpd but also a fear of confrontation that makes it rlly hard to tell if i do or not #but regardless i am learning & understanding my attachment style much better & now i gotta learn how not to fall into the trap #bc as the end of the day i never actually want to b avoidant or distant from the ppl i love #even if it means i have to tell ppl when the hurt me or if i’m feeling insecurity #& tbh most of the time i am not hurt by the ppl i love which is rlly aweosme

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waywardsalt · 1 year

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at this point it looks like when i write linebeck i Have to include some kind of breakdown scene or moment

#writing a bit for the middle of ganonbeck chapter 2 and its a linebeck breakdown yippee #salty talks #putting such a focus on linebecks (kinda fucked) mental state feels weird for the ganonbeck fic #cuz we gotta focus on both of these characters but comparatively i have a lot less experience or development put into ganon #like i look back at chapter one and it feels very. hey lets talk about linebeck #i hope with chapter 2 i can put a little more focus on ganondorf #which ig makes sense jts a romance fic theyre going to think abt each other #eh. idk what im doing right or wrong #i didnt know until recently that its not like. acceptable to leave constructive criticism on fics so i rrally need to make it more obvious #that i really do want constructive criticism tell me whats goin on here #anyways ig this scene is temporary it might change but also maybe not

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