#which happens an awful lot
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im so glad that we never get a clear picture of sophie’s background in leverage & i hope we never do. however i also really like making up various, often conflicting backstories for her in my head. perhaps they’re all backstories for an alias of hers, ones she laid to rest back in season two.
#leverageposting#leverage#sophie devereaux#particularly that one of or both her parents had to move around a lot for work & so she would change herself to fit in at every new school#or new town etc etc. and that whatever original identity she had was dropped due to some kind of really awful event and her bio family think#she’s dead. eg she got into some kind of extreme legal trouble for the first time & she faked her death & everyone she knew as a kid thinks#she’s dead too. like. astrid wasn’t the first person she left to miss/mourn her.#but also that she was a teen runaway at like age ~16 and pretended to be an adult (like. 18/19) cause theres not much you can do by yourself#as a minor like booking flights or renting an apartment. and so began her first proper alias. and she was a pickpocket until she could fund#her life fully through grifting & cons.#or alternatively her parents died when she was a teen & she was old enough to become an emancipated minor (everyone in lev is an orphan)#and she kind of just fell into crime from there bc she had no one#or perhaps she got married at 17 and realised how fucked it all was and stashed money until she could run away & leave it all behind. that’s#bc of a single vague sentence on john rogers’ blog saying she was married at 17 and in context it was quite possibly a joke or random#hypothetical example but i was like what if???? What If???????#i also like the hc that she’s trans which i’ve seen a few times#in some versions in my mind her parents were okay and in some versions they were awful and in some versions it was so complicated.#i think tara has heard one story and parker or hardison have heard another and nate has never heard any story. he’s never asked.#she is here now and that’s all that needs knowing. and sophie devereaux is her real name in any way it matters.#eliot has also never asked and she asked if he was curious once and he just asked if she was curious about What He Did and that was answer#enough for the both of them. just a mutual agreement not to ask and it actually solidified their bond.#i think she struggled for a long time about whether to tell her new family The Real Story but in much the same way we never hear her birth#name bc it’s not Her anymore… she never gives The Real Story. bc it no longer defines who she is. she’s so much more than whatever happened.#lvg
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So I was looking through an old BlogClan article (made in 2021), and found this line
"We can all understand that Crowfeather never treated Nightcloud and Breezepelt well, but it's her fault for sticking around with him"
Maybe I'm wrong, but that feels like abuse apologia, or something like it, does it not? I apologize if I'm bothering you by the way.
That's like... THE abuse apologia line. That is a holographic out-of-print baseball card of the infamous A. Bewsa Pologia, signed.
Let's make it about physical abuse to make it more obvious; "Yes the husband beats his wife, but it's actually the wife's fault for staying with him." You see how fucked up the sentiment is, now? That applies to emotional abuse, too. "It's THE VICTIM'S FAULT they are being abused."
It comes in lots of other flavors, too. All of these are just the same sentiment rephrased;
"He pissed her off so it's his fault he got beaten"
"If you weren't so awful I wouldn't be so mad at you all the time"
"She should have known that wearing that outfit would have attracted unwanted attention"
"Maybe if you spent more time with me instead of your buddies, I wouldn't want to ruin your friendships"
"You did X so it's okay that I did this hurtful thing to you"
"Maybe if she wasn't so bad at handling finances, he wouldn't have to prevent her from having her own money."
NO ONE "deserves" abuse. It's not YOUR fault that someone else made the choice to control or hurt you. It never was.
Anyway I'm not sure of the article you're mentioning, SO until it's linked I'll just... hope that was a rando commenter and not an author lmaoooo. But I wouldn't be surprised either. They are INCAPABLE of being normal about Nightcloud.
#which is why she gets a bigggggg kissie on the head in BB <3#Tw abuse#tw domestic abuse#abuse apologia#bone babble#Something that gets left out of depictions of abuse a lot is the GUILT#The way YOU start believing you're the monster#And that you deserve everything that happens to you because you're such a bad/stupid/awful person who needs to atone#but you don't.#But I guess that's like#somehow advanced on abuse where these chucklefucks cannot even get BASIC shit right
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people are discoursing about the laios and shiro fight bc that was always going to happen but i do hope that wave crests quickly and we can all come to see it as what it is: literally one of the best written fights between two people who are both entirely justified in their actions and acting without any malice or cruelty of all time
#theres a tendency - especially in action and faction based media (which a lot of fantasy is or is in dialogue with) - to depict fights only#as happening between someone who Is Right and someone who Is Wrong#and getting to see a full on beatdown between two dudes who are both acting in an entirely understandible way and who both dont actually#want to hurt the other at all - to the extent where their desire to maintain a positive relationship with each other is the SOURCE of their#conflict in the first place - is just so cathartic to see#like unpopular opinion but sometimes you do just need to Fight someone to work through issues youre having#like irl i would not recommend that extent of Force obviously#but if you're two people in a situation where neither has active power over the other sometimes the healthiest option involves expressing#and receiving genuine anger that is not filtered through a social buffer#like sometimes you just need to yell that someone is pissing you off by how much they invade ur time and space and sometimes you need to#yell that someone is sabotaging your ability to interact with them by not expressing any discomfort with your behaviour ever#AND MOST IMPORTANTLY SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO BE YELLED AT#BECAUSE it sucks. it sucks to experience and until you can both share that space of feeling awful with each other youre not gonna get past#it and you're not gonna understand each other's pain#i think they're both wonderfully well written characters and its a testament to their depth as people that i can so easily understand why#and how both of them are behaving the way they do#im still only like halfway through the manga but it is like my favourite character interaction scene so far#fred says a thing#dunmeshi
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all this talk about tommy's favorite (queer) movies when it's obviously the birdcage
#tho i think he still has a soft spot for love actually it didnt age well but it was iconic and some parts of it is still so charming#but i do think that he got into more queer stuff once he came out#also tommy is a filmbro so his tastes moving from mainstream romcom and 90s filmbro flick to good queer stuff like mike nichols while still#having a soft spot for what he used to like is the realest pathway to me#like his top movies of 2023 were the killer (david fincher filmbro flick) and all of us strangers (sad gay and relatively highbrow)#also one reason i think he'd still like love actually but not like smth rwrb is bc 1) nostalgia 2) earnestness which older romcoms had in#spades even when they were god awful and prime video productions are like#Not That#this is more what i personally think thoo soo a lot of projecting happening here im not sorry tho#im just right#mimi.txt
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Id love to see you draw ur fav ship!! If you have one :33
this ask has been in my inbox for So freaking long now bc ive been thinking abt it really hard on n off and... IDK LOL there are so many good dynamics in cce. but erm... heres a snippet of a wip ive had for.. months ToT these guys r pretty funny 2 me. a staple classic
#asks#this has been a wip since february. TTTToTTTT omg... i want to finish it so bad its 2 pages that isnt even that much#for me any ships i like in cce r mostly abt how funny i think they are.... or awful#like... i think there r a lot of onesided situations happening which is really funny#ty for this ask.. but i am so bad at picking favs i always have been Lol this was such a nonanswer#i might try to draw the dynamics i think abt the most in a proper post actually ..... at some point...
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Homesick
I felt quite scammed when in my playthrough Ness got homesick the second he got off the doorstep. Like, dude chill.
#earthbound#myart#art#mother 2#ness earthbound#ness#earthbound ness#today I saw an almost identical drawing to this idea and I now feel bad#i was already done with this when I saw it I swear!#just waiting for the day I'll be accused a thief for accidentally having the same idea#i mean yea 'great minds think alike' but still#if I had a nickel for every time I accidentally did the same art idea like someone else I'd have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's#*awful it happened twice#sigh#this demotivating me ngl
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well. did you fucking miss me.
#random thoughts#apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it#i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful#which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain#i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough#and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary#fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW#I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT#I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#(<- tags canceled for now)
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Berserk would be so much better if casca was the main character and she was the one on a journey for revenge but u know women can’t ever win so
#berserk is good but i think a lot of what irks me about it#is that everybody treats casca’s assault like it was guts’s trauma and not hers#which yes it must have been awful for him to see that but. it literally happened to HER#and they just put that woman through it all the fucking time it’s awful#CASCAA
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i feel like a lot for me is clicking and i just can't with the AZ world anymore. the response to the p*ger thing has been balls to the walls insane
#im not speaking about people criticizing it in general#but rather the people claiming this was a massacre of civilians and that this is like one of the most evil things isr has ever done#bc like.#in a war characterized by civilian death this had actually an insanely low ratio of civilian to combatant death#and yes it's awful that a child died#but that is something that happens in war#and it's just becoming clear the my objection to the war in aza - the steep civilian death toll - is not most people's objection#bc we see a military action that killed i think what? 2 civilians?#and the response is that it's evil beyond belief and precedent#and. like.#that shows that your issue was never about civilians killed#it's that you disagree with the goal of destroying h*mas and don't see that as a just cause of war#bc ultimately a lot of these people are h*mas stans#like which we knew#but it goes beyond that. like#there are so many people who see all isr people as non-civilians#and all h*zbollah fighters as civilians#and it's just fucked beyond belief#i've known for months i can no longer organize in mainstream pro 🍉 spaces#but i'd thought the ✡️ ones were still better#and now im just. i don't want to go to AZ shuls anymore#an AZ yeshiva is having a retreat in nov and i don't even wanna go bc the roshei yeshiva have said some wack ass shit#im pulling myself out of these spaces#and that's been since before the p*ger thing#i haven't been back to an AZ shul i used to go to since october#bc i was there on oct 7#and there was a new member event and everyone was acting happy and normal#yes the rabbi said good and normal things before dancing but the fucking vibe. idk. i just can't#with the whole scene. the whole everything#im still with kl*ztronike for now but that's rough too. went to one in october and had to pull down a 'resist colonial power by any means
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The thing is I am definitely not happy or chill in the Immediate Sense lately but I am, big picture, so fucking happy with the person I am.
It's like. My brain was made by and for consistent trauma and since that trauma stopped about 5-7 years ago, it is incredible what the amount of resilience and cleverness and flexibility and thoughtfulness I developed to survive can do when it's not being all spent on surviving. like I had a hundred ton weight on me so I had to get REALLY STRONG to stay in the same place and not get 100% crushed, and when that weight came off I found I can use the strength it used to take to stand up and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.
I was talking to my mum the other day and she said, "you've got the 'fuck it' energy at 30 that most women don't find until their fifties at least" and I'm like yeah man. Imagine how unstoppable I'll be in 20 years.
#red said#i don't know that i can express this clearly but it's the most encouraging thing in my life#my mum's always been proud of me but just lately she seems to actually really admire me#like she's genuinely impressed. she thinks I've surpassed her. i don't necessarily agree but it's a really nice quiet joy.#anyway like this sounds super up myself and it kind of is.#but also it's part of realising just how heavy the weight I've been carrying around with me for 25 years was#like not to be ridiculous but i have realised again this week. that it isn't that everyone's been raped that much and doesn't talk about it#i just have been raped an Unusually Consistent Amount. i have spoken to a lot of people who have had much more horrifying things happen.#I'm not sure I've talked to more than a couple of people who've had a similar level of total consistency of abuse from all angles#and the one is not heavier or harder to bear that the other. but. i think i spent most of my life listening to people's awful experiences#and going ok well nothing i went through looked that bad so it's microtrauma#obviously microtraumas build up but still.#then the older i get and the more i have these conversations the more I notice that stuff which to me is a microtrauma#is a lot of people's defining trauma. and they're reacting appropriately which means i am SO SEVERELY UNDERREACTING#told my friend the other day about a time someone who i still like and respect was having sex with me when i paralocated my hip#and then just kept getting really annoyed with me for not being ready to have sex again while i was literally crying with pain#until i caved and just tried to find the last painful position#and my friend was like pal what the fuck that's horrific#and i was like i mean no that's normal I've had sex with like maybe 3 or 4 people in my life who i haven't had similar stuff with#like i am genuinely thrown when i am allowed to say no to sex and have it be the end of the conversation. and not end up having sex#out of guilt or out of physical coercion or through physical rape. and i have had sex with probably like 40 people at this stage?#and I'm not sure it's as many as 4 i haven't had that experience with tbh#so like. I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea#that i may have actually been doing a hell of a lot of heavy lifting.#like i developed a sense of self that can survive being constantly crushed and at this stage is fucking diamond.
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I've been thinking and I want to yap about this:
The main catalyst for the entire story—Meliodas and Elizabeth's connection and being cursed by their parents—is in the rewrite. But execution wise, it's different. They sort of go from enemies to lovers to friends by the end.
I wholeheartedly feel Elizabeth didn't really have a chance to live her life out and flesh herself out as a character beyond the main character's love interest. I know she's empathetic, kind, very forgiving, but what about her life before Meliodas? I still think about the Bloody Ellie incident and how there's been absolutely no showing of Elizabeth being beyond the 'empathetic healer that used the power of kindness to drive the demons out' (As far as I can remember. I am overdue for a manga reread). The most damage she's done was to Meliodas the one time he was being a dick and forced her to slap the shit out of him with Arc (And one of the DK fights, but since they all fought him THREE TIMES, it's hard to recall if Elizabeth pulled off the gloves or not. The last time I read that ending was in 2020). Hell, the games do her more justice by giving her a staff. Nothing against healers, they sure do a lot as support for the fighters, but if you're going to insinuate that your character is beyond a healer, than at least show it. I just want Elizabeth to be a properly written character that stands strong on her own and have her backstory written, y'know?
And, well, I'm not the biggest fan of Melizabeth. I can respect Meliodas spending 3,000 years fighting for their love, and Elizabeth being his rock, but when you throw in a curse that bounds you for life, being by your reincarnated love's side when she's a baby/kid, knowing she's destined to fall in love with you again, it feels a lot less romantic. Especially when you look at the first episode in isolation without knowing the backstory, like you really didn't think twice on groping that teenager! I think they could've been super cute if, again, execution was better. But alas, it was not and it's left a terrible taste in my mouth.
#maybe I'd view Elizabeth's character better once I reread the manga#but in this very moment I can't remember her doing anything significant on her own that wasn't involving Meliodas#I get they're a package deal but damn it's usually character first love interest second#that's how I see it anyways but maybe that's how she's suppose to be even if I disagree#I am not blaming Elizabeth for her writing though that's on the author#a lot of his character writing with women is awful imo#most of them are reduced to love interests and lose their character#it's what usually happens in shounen anime#but let me know if I'm wrong I'm open to different views on the matter and holding a discussion#at the end of the day I hold a soft spot for this franchise no matter how much I dunk on the writing and character designs#also I know the perverted tendencies died down by the late manga but it still happened which is a NO for me#nanatsu no taizai#nnt manga#seven deadly sins#nnt#nnt rewrite
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two old guys i love to hate
#my art#the owl house#rusty lake#rusty lake paradise#philip wittebane#emperor belos#nicholas eilander#if i had a nickel for every time there was an awful old man who wanted to kill his family 'for the greater good' and had deer imagery#i'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot but it's fun that it's happened twice.#do with this what you will i guess
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im new here- is dean abusive?
imo yeah. smarter people than me have written dissections of the way he treats sam & others (he’s also Awful to his psuedo-son jack, but i haven’t gotten to that season yet), i’ve probably reblogged a bunch of them.
he certainly doesn’t mean to be & i don’t say it to condemn him as a person or as a character & i’m still very attached to him & he loves sam very much (not that that makes a difference in whether u abuse someone or not) - but the way he treats sam a lot/some of the time is emotionally abusive and sam is clearly badly impacted. s4 and s8 come to mind as his worst moments also ofc moc era - after that there’s less interpersonal conflict (up to where i am at least) but that’s because sam mostly stops disagreeing with dean not because dean actually gets much better <3 spn is cycles of abuse show after all. family is hell. dean’s learnt pretty much everything about how to behave from his abusive father and as a result. well. cycle continues
#anon i wonder which way ur approaching this from - having not considered that dean treats sam badly or having never thought of it as Abusiv#mutuals pls feel free to chime in with ur opinions#wrote a bunch of more detailed responses to this but none of them felt right so i was just like. eh#narrative portrays dean as right like All Of The Time bc the shows morality is deans morality its fucked up so that makes it harder for#fandom to see how awful he is sometimes#but i think a lot of people see his awful behaviour but just wouldn’t call it abusive and rather toxic etc because abusive#is such a ‘strong word’ and people have a lot of personal connotations with it#i don’t often even actually use the word abusive to describe him. but he is! and i’ve been watching s4 and he’s just So awful and it’s been#reminding me hugely#dean crit#<- i guess#spn#oliver talks#asks#it’s more than just like. being awful sometimes. bc it’s this systemic pattern of eradicating sam’s sense of identity outside of him#and punishing sam for ‘disobeying’ him (like s4/8)#dean winchester#supernatural#Also when you start recognising dean as abusive the show becomes a legitimate horror story because fucking hell!!!!#narrative just. sides with him most of the time!!!!#if u wanna think abt it for urself id say make sure u know what abuse actually Is and how it can present & then look at a lot of sam and#dean conflicts. do they seem equal? r both parties being as awful to each other? whats the context?#look away from the view the show is trying to get you to take via like. ending shots and closeups. and look at what theyre actually saying#to each other and what has actually happened#<- i feel like this sounds patronising i dont mean to be😭#if u already think sam&dean r fucked up and had just never defined it as abusive before then feel free to ignore me#there r probably posts in my dean winchester tag much better than this#<- okay apparently i had a lot to say actually. sorry for doing it in the tags
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every so often i have my "am i the problem?" moments and then i refer to my legitimately and unironically itemized list of why i cut certain people off and remember that i gave them numerous chances and frankly plenty of undeserved time to correct their behaviour and treat me with the same respect i gave them and im like nvm. im fine. its just unfortunate that so much of that shit imploded in such a short amount of time.
#moving really did change me as a person and to be honest with you i like myself way more now#i feel like the friendships i DO still have are a lot more honest and authentic and equal#like we can actually communicate and someone can tell me if ive done something wrong and vice versa#but its a little jarring to realise so many of my friendships depended on me being a doormat#and when The Change happened (which is to say the fucked up traumatic events that made me stop putting everyone else above me)#it made me fundamentally incompatible with a lot of people in my life and that sucks. legitimately its fucking awful.#it made me realise a lot of my friendships were built on top of geyser systems. like it was just a matter of time before i snapped#and when i did snap i wasnt even cruel. i wasnt even mean. i was direct and honest and that was punished.#so tbh all of them can drop dead. the best thing about having brain problems is i can just switch off an attachment#txt
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remembered that one person trying to gain a moral high ground by going “it’s weird to have hcs about abuse!” and like. god they would fucking explode if they saw the stuff i have about the fire hazard siblings childhoods they’d self destruct i think
#i mean. I’d say a lot of it is implied in canon but definitely not all of the stuff i have there#I felt it was logical with the abuse that definitely did happen though it’s not added in for shock value I considered it carefully#but that doesn’t mean it’s not dark as shit and fucked beyond belief#the only people who’d disagree are the two themselves who entirely gloss over most of it as fine bc it was normal to them#and focus on the acts that felt most like a personal betrayal- and which were absolutely awful- instead of objectively the worst things
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saw a promo for an accessible, crip-centric pride event that sounded rly cool and epic actually so i checked out their extended accessibility info and turns out it isn't actually accessible to me 🙃 i am so incredibly bitter about this like it feels so shitty to be the outcast even when an effort is supposedly being made to include disabled people
#their info said they 'are against ~cancel culture~ and won't take part in resolving any interpersonal conflicts unrelated to the event'#which to me sounds an awful lot like#'if you show up and your abuser who caused your disability is there tough luck & you should just leave i guess'#not to mention that if that did happen i probably wouldn't be ABLE to leave bc my entire body would shut down 👍🏻#personal
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