#which is fine lmao i knew that when i started posting a year ago and its been more for me to get back into writing than anything else

[josecariohca]

.

[natalilysims]

update / plans for this account

i've deleted the posts from the legacy i started when infants came out bc realistically i'm not gonna go back to it, i don't think i posted enough for it to be worth leaving the family on here and also i plan on starting another legacy at some point that will be very similar to them anyways

i will hopefully be getting a proper pc sometime in the next couple of months so my plan is to not start any new saves until then bc i want to just wait til i have the new pc to sort all my mods/cc and now that i will hopefully have a lag free game the idea of playing on my current laptop doesn't spark that much joy and idk i'd rather start a fresh family on the new computer than have one i'm already midway through

i've been playing some of my sims 3 midnight sun family. i'm gonna start queuing gen 3 sometime today and i think i'm gonna try and continue playing and posting til the entire challenge is complete. but idk, my interest is unpredictable so i might take some breaks along the way. once that challenge is complete, i'm planning to go for 5 gens, i won't be posting any saves on here until i get my new pc, which may mean another mini/long hiatus but idk maybe i'll be inspired to build a house or create a random sim, we'll see

assuming my plan to get a proper pc goes well, i have a lot of sims 3 and sims 4 challenge/legacy plans that i've been wanting to do but just couldn't either bc my laptop straight up can't handle the game (ts3) or the lag has reached kind of irritating levels that makes my interest in playing leave quite quickly (ts4), so hopefully i'll be posting a lot more frequently than i have been for the past couple of years.

[moongothic]

Obligatory "This was a DIY-blog before a fandom blog and so if I wanna post my projects on here THEN I WILL AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME"-disclaimer

New blanket who dis

Another project that started out as an attempt for me to clear out yarn from my mom's stash, this time being some black Tynn Line from Sadnesgarn. There was a decent amount of it, and I didn't know what to do with it. Didn't want to work in just black, so I bought some of the orange yarn (while also doublechecking this was in fact Tynn Line like I suspected, because I wasn't 100% sure)

And I mindlessly started crocheting some basic granny squares.

Originally I figured I could maybe make a granny square cardigan, but once I got going I soon realized I probably had far more yarn than a cardigan would need (this was in fact a false estimate on my part because I am stupid), and I figured, if I had the yarn for it, then why not just make a blanket for myself instead

Now we all know and love the Blanket of Darkness I shared like a year ago, and let me tell you, I love that thing to death, it's a fantastic blanket and it has kept me so warm this whole winter. That said, while that blanket is fantastic in the middle of the winter, I did find myself kind of struggling during the fall and spring, when like. It's just slightly cold enough that I wanted an extra layer, but the thick, pure wool of that blanket was actually a bit too warm.

So when I realized I could make myself a thinner blanket, like, yeah, I wanted to take that. The Tynn Line is 53% cotton, 33 viskoce and 14% linen, and it's a thinner yarn, I used a 3 mm hook for the project. A perfect yarn for me to use for a fall/spring blanket.

And so I ended up committing to it, got more yarn so I'd have enough for a small blanket, and got to work. I think I started working on this around November 2023? Maybe December? Can't remember, foolishly I did not write down when I started working on it.

Now originally I was going to make this a striped blanket, but as I was going along, making those squares I started to rethink that plan a little

I also considdered attaching the smaller squares together to make bigger squares, but after asking friends for a second opinion we all agreed the middle design would actually look the coolest

Not that it mattered too much, I had to first finish the granny squares before I'd actually start putting the blanket together

But eventually I finished the squares. Each square is a little over 8x8 cm so the 10x18 square blanket needed 180 squares.

Now I have my personal preferred way to attaching granny squares, which is zigzagging down from one corner of the blanket to the opposite corner. But I wanted the blanket to look somewhat seamless, and I knew I wouldn't be able to do that if I just started attaching them one by one. So I decided to start by attaching all the squares into 1x3 square strips (as seen on the chart), and once the strips were done, do my usual corner-to-corner zigzag with the strips. This way I was able to attach the orange squares together with the orange yarn so the orange strips looked more solid, while the rest I could do with the black yarn.

Also I found out I had made four granny squares too many, lmao

But it was fine, actually. Because I did then proceed to finish the blanket, only to realize... It just felt too small. I just wasn't happy with the size. Like the blanket was fine if I wanted to wear it on my lap when sitting or something, but I wanted to throw this thing onto my bed to keep me warm, and the coverage wasn't going to be enough for that.

So as much as it pained me. I ordered four more balls of yarn. And made 68 more squares (those four spare orange squares did not go to waste lmao)

So the total went up to 252 granny squares as I extended the side by two rows and the lenght by one pattern repeat.

But yeah. Made those granny squares. Weaved in the tails as I went along and turned the granny squares into strips too while I was at it. And once done, finally added the extension to the blanket. Finished it off by adding a single row of double crochet around the edge. Badabing badaboom we got a blanket.

Now the blanket does have two sides to it, a good and a bad, because I was lazy and chose to crochet the squares together instead of sewing them with a needle. Had I done it with a needle it would've looked better without a doubt, but god damn, I did not have the patience, not this time.

So the backside looks better than the actual front, and that's fine by me

In anycase, I'm glad I finished this project, it turned out super cute, and now I have a perfect blanket to keep me slightly warmer as the weather changes ✌️✨

[a-iya]

Hiii ＼(ﾟ∀ﾟ)／

Sooo what do you think about the Haikyuu! Movie without knowing anime? 😀

(I'm sending this ask to discuss our impressions in the comments (and recommend this series a bit haha)

Have a nice day ♡

hiiii!! i didn't realize this was going to become a full-on essay so 💀 apologies in advance for the long-windedness. i don't blame you if you don't feel like reading all the way through lmao (there is a tl;dr at the end if that's the case)

my sister actually got into haikyuu after S1 (pretty much a decade ago at this point 😭) so i've at least known about it and understood the gist of it for a while now. i myself didn't get into anime until a few years ago though! so i've been slowly building up my watch catalog. normally i like funny animes so haikyuu definitely fits the criteria, but due to the fact that 1) it's a sports anime 2) i have very little interest in sports and 3) there would be a LOT of episodes to catch up on, it's just been sitting in my to-watch list for years lmaooo

as i started to follow more people on tumblr, i also started to see more haikyuu content, so i recognized some characters just by their appearance (hinata [obviously], but also kenma, kageyama, and atsumu miya [the guy with the undercut, who i don't remember seeing in the movie]). but anyway, my sister had been saying she wanted to watch the movie once it came out. and over the weekend, i happened to see a lot of people posting about going to watch the movie so i told her we should go! and so we did!

the movie was so hilarious and i thoroughly enjoyed watching!! the rivalry between the 2 teams was sooo funny. i knew i was going to like the movie, but it did end up being a little bit fast-paced for me cause i basically dived in with like. 0.4 background,,,, like ya girl was strUGgLinG trying to keep up. but that's no one's fault but my own 😔 i was kind of hoping it'd be like the demon slayer mugen train movie (which is actually what got me into anime! but that's besides the point). where the premise would be simple enough that you wouldn't need that much context before watching. i knew the movie would basically be just one really long volleyball game so i figured it would be fine... alas, i was wrong 😭 i don't know the rules of the game or any of the characters/their positions so it was all i could do to just watch and try to understand everything as it was happening ;-;

another thing i wanna mention is that now that i've long since graduated from my "beginner weeb" phase and become a full-on weeb, i'm familiar with a lot of voices and voice actors so it's difficult for me to see new characters and their voice actors (that i already know from somewhere else) as one entity 🤔 i'm not sure if that makes a lot of sense ><

for example: the whole time we were watching the movie, i felt like kenma sounded a lot like yuki kaji (who voices shoto [mha] and eren [aot])?? but also didn't at the same time. it was bothering me the whole 2 hours but i looked it up after it was over and i was right 😩

i also immediately recognized kuro as gojo [jjk]/hawks [mha]/greed [fma]; so kuro wasn't even kuro to me, he was just a volleyball au gojo with a completely different look 😭 i feel like that kind of gets in the way of my viewing experience personally, because i couldn't pause and think about where i know this voice from (like i usually do when i start a new anime). but it bOThERs mE because it's like on the tip of my tongue and my mind caNnOT rEST until i confirm my suspicions 😩

anyway, going in, the only people i knew about were like. hinata and kageyama... and it was surface-level knowledge at best. but i've seen kenma around enough where i recognized his character design so i thought i might like him. and he ended up being super cute!! i loved him, but i also really loved kuro (he is very handsome 🥰) and the tall glasses guy from karasuno. he was funny as fuck. but i'm definitely interested in watching the show to see what other lovable goofs the story has to offer. i'm always on the hunt for more blorbos

tl;dr basically i loved the movie, i thought it was really funny; now i have to actually watch the show so i can really enjoy the experience the movie had to offer. the production was honestly great. my sister wants me to get caught up so we can watch it again while it's still in theaters lmao. we'll have to see about that... the first 2 seasons are 25 eps each and then there are at least a few more seasons (even if they are less eps) after that 💀 when i got into mha last year, i was able to blast through 6 seasons within a week,,, but that costed me 3 full days worth of binge-watching and several work nights to catch up 😩 idk if i can do that again

thank you for the ask and interacting with me 🥺🫶 i know your day just started so i hope it goes well!! have a nice rest of the week also <3

[sorin-in-the-stars]

After School Assignment...

After School Assignment...

Scaramouche x GN! Reader

Contents : Highschool/College AU. Fluff, a single kiss at the end, not much actual Scara content, but its there,

Summary : You get paired up with Scaramouche for an assignment and have to go to his house to work on it.

Requested? No.

Wc : 1.3k

Not posting to ao3

Requests? Open!

this has been in the writing process for a few days so, sorry if it doesnt make much sense, i didnt want to proof read it lmao I also may write a part two to this, as the ending didnt sit right with me, but it depends i guess.

“You two are paired…You two are paired…and you two..” Your teacher went around the class, handing out a page for each pair of students. Everyone had a deskmate, so it was no surprise that your teacher just decided to do the pairs like that. It was the easiest way.

Right?

You sighed inwardly, sinking into your seat, and pulling up your mask as the sudden realization of who your partner was dawned on you. You questioned why you had picked this spot in the first place at the beginning of the year.

Your teacher didn’t say anything as she put the paper onto the shared table. You didn’t dare grab the page and expose your pitiful excuse of a hiding spot. You were right next to him anyways! Why even attempt at hiding?

Now, you knew there was nothing wrong with your partner. He worked swiftly and precisely. But…his communication skills were… something to say the least.

Scaramouche sighed and leaned forward to grab the loose page, skimming over the contents quickly as he was not listening to the entire lecture, to begin with. He had no real need to as the student with the highest marks.

“Got any ideas?” He asked, still staring at the page.

You shook your head in reply, not truly caring if he saw or not. You could care less for this assignment, you didn’t even know what it was about. You sure weren’t listening. You needed to though, as the student with the lowest marks that is.

Maybe that is why your teacher had pointed Scaramouche to your table when he arrived a few weeks ago.

He turned to face you, expression nothing short of foul. “Are you deaf or just stupid?” He asked, clearly having not seen you shake your head a few seconds prior. 

Once more, you shook your head. Giving him a small glare. 

He huffed and shook his head, eyebrows furrowed in irritation. “Fine. We can do it in Inazuma history then.” He tossed the paper to you, letting you read over it before the bell rang for the next class.

The teacher started to speak, going on about how the assignment was due in a week, and that it was best to do planning over the weekend with your partner.

Like hell, he would even agree to that.

With that, you took a picture of the paper and stuffed your bag with the rest. The bell was surely soon to ring anyways. 

Your desk partner didn’t say anything as he packed his own bag up for the day.

The bell rang, and the halls filled with a plethora of other students fleeing to their next class. You stood up from your seat and shuffled, pulling up your mask quietly before grabbing your bag and tossing the strap over your shoulder, and making your way to your next class.

You may share the same general class schedule with the foul male, but you surely did not care to share each seat with him.

One class was enough. Thank god this one had single seats rather than double tables.

--

You sat in your seat, looking between the board and your paper, you felt your phone vibrate. You quickly finished up your rather messy notes and picked it up, not caring if the teacher saw you on your phone.

You were ahead in the note-taking anyways.

You quickly skimmed over the message. And typed in your half-hearted reply.

You sighed and set your phone back down, wanting to get these notes for your upcoming test. 

He wasn't too bad of a partner. You knew that much. He took on more of a lead role and liked to make most of the decisions when it came to a project. Which…worked out with you per say.

Humming softly, you decided to keep up with the notes, not caring for the other notifications from your phone.

__ Once your class had finally finished, you packed up your items and slung your bag over your shoulder, giving a quick look over your phone to see Scaramouche had left a message for you. His address it appeared.

“This guy is… something.” You mumbled to yourself, shaking your head as you walked down the hall and to the nearest door to leave school. 

You walked swiftly to the nearest bus stop and waited. Soon you would be at his house and start on this stupid assignment. You just hoped you two would get a high grade- though with him you were sure you would.

While on the bus to his place, you thought about all the other times you’ve worked with him. Which would be none. No one ever seemed to like pairing up with him, though you never really understood why.

He worked diligently and supposedly got high grades. Why wouldn’t they want to work with him? 

Sighing as you got off the bus, you thanked the driver and walked down the street and to his house. You had to do a double take at the address he sent you and the address you were at. Was this really his house?

You had to remind yourself who his parents were and the type of family he had. Rich people things you’d guess.

You ran your hands across the hedges as you approached the front door, marveling at the look of the front garden. They looked foreign yet so well-grown.

You shook your head from the clouds and made it up the steps and to the door, working up the little courage you had to knock. You flattened your shirt and pushed some of your hair out of your face. 

Why were you trying to fix your appearance? He was just a classmate- an attractive one yes. But why did that matter? Maybe it was because of his family's high status. Yeah, it was that.

It took a few moments for someone to answer the door, you heard quick and angry footsteps approaching the door. It opened to show an irritated Scaramouche, his school clothes now discarded and replaced by a different outfit.

“Who is it?” He asked, brows furrowed before he noticed it was you. “Oh, it’s you. Come in.” He stepped to the side, letting you in.

You stepped inside the rather spacious home, quickly taking off your shoes to follow the quick male.

“My moms are out. This would have been a lot easier with them, since our family… yknow.” He sighed, knowing full well most of the world knew of his family's lineage. He opened the door to his room and once more stepped to the side to let you in.

You nodded at him, walked into the room, and stood near his bed. You looked around quickly before your eyes landed on Scaramouche once more. 

“Do you ever talk? Or are you mute?” He suddenly asked, having picked on the fact you don’t talk often. His facial expression was rather, unreadable. Why did he even bring this up? 

“I- uhm…” You tried to answer, and he gave you next to no chance. He walked closer to you and put a hand on your shoulder, pushing you down so you could sit on the bed. 

“Now that I think about it, you’re always wearing this mask.” He whispered, the proximity of you two close enough to hear him.

“Well I-” He cut you off once more by grabbing your mask, pulling it down quickly and smoothly.

“I never said you could speak. I simply asked if you could. And you’ve since answered my question.” He said, shaking his head slightly while eyeing you.

“Be quiet.” He whispered and leaned in, pressing a kiss to your lips.

To that, you sat there stunned, and flustered. 

Maybe he didn’t want to work with anyone but you.

[obsessedwiththedragonprince]

Se4 ep4 thoughts

First of all, i just realised Ibis's message reminds me very much of Kingsley's patronus in HP and the Deathly Hallows saying the ministry has fallen😂

Random but I don't really get why Ezran has a telephatic connection to Zym? Like okay he can talk to animals which includes Zym(which I too don't really know where it came from but ok) but does this connection add anything besides being an deus ex machina at the end of book 2? And then they couldn't just write it off so it just shows up randomly? Idk myb it leads somewhere and i hadn't gotten there yet.

Human-elf argument? Is it to show they aren't ready to truly accept one another? Where's this going?

Why does Ezran going with them solve anything? Like it's a gesture of good will but he can't really help them fight Viren. He can just die and then Katolis will be without a king. Myb just I dunno, send your High Mage with them? It's a gesture of good will and he can actually defend himself. And isn't an eleven y/o! Opeli get your head on straight!

I really like the cook but he comes in at most random moments? Like I think brown sludge tarts can wait my friend.

Oh so others are coming. Kinda makes sense.

Damn architect i get where ur coming from but have a heart! Why doesn't he take his mother's spirit flame out of the camp?

Love how much Callum cares about Bait. Even tho he's just endangering him.

Ohhh we're getting Aaravos backstory!!

Wait how long do elves live? Aditi is Janai's grandmother right? And this was hundreds of years ago. I love how they couldn't just talk about who'll ascend the throne. Do you even get that many benefits from it?

Young human girl? Looks like some ancestor of Katolis leaders. And was that before dark magic and banishment of humans? Cause otherwise why did she even know about this? The cube!! Thousand years??? Do all elves live this long or just Great Ones(who are they btw?)

What exactly was Aaravos's goal with causing all these crisises? Now ig it's getting free but what about before?

New transition i love: Aaravos still shown whispering when it switches to Claudia to show how he's manipulating her.

Omgg is this a Viren - Terry bonding moment is see in the near future??

Oh fuck off Viren. Just. Fuck off. Like I didn't think it would be all sweet and this but at least something? Get a grip?? Idk if u read my post for ep3 but i imagined Viren would myb find some new respect for Terry after learning what he did but no.

Shit shit shit stupid architect woman why would u do that!? I feel so bad for the elf i started crying😭 honestly his voice actor really convinced me of his anguish and it makes the whole scene(same with Janai when her sister died these actors are doing a fine job) did the whole bucket just turn to ash? Damn. Why doesn't it happen to humans tho? Bucket more flammable? I like that he immediately regrets burning her even if she was in the wrong, but honestly the animation doesn't sell it as much as the voice actor would i think. Why is there no gasp or sth?

Are they hinting Aaravos could turn his attention to Callum? I mean he'd certainly be interesting as a human who knows an arcanum.

Damn. I mean we knew Aaravos was powerful but a being from the heavens? Dragons combined couldn’t risk a confrontation?

Okay that scene talking about the magical prison has me more and more convinced that my far-fetched thought was right and the cube is the prison lmao. Like it looked like sth tiny? Idk.

They found Ibis's body! With blood mysteriously gone but ok. If we're being honest Zym should prolly be more attached to Ibis than Ez cause he spent way more time with him. But he wasn't a MC so tough luck. Where's Callum? Oh they're late. Idk why but in my mind Rayla was riding with Callum and Soren.

Viren's hesitating! I mean I get it if magic got me killed I wouldn't be so eager to pick it up again.

Dragons can do magic? Huh.

What the fuck is he doing to Callum? I mean possession was my first thought but. Couldn't he have done it before to anyone? I mean he prolly didn't want to reveal what he can do while still in prison before he was ready.

Damn for whatever reason I love him talking to Ezran. Ig it shows sth but i don't have the brains right now to figure out what.

Bait being moral support to Soren so cute!!

I love how he blew them a kiss and broke the mirror lmao. Drama queen.

[smute]

the ios app is such a disaster honestly. idk how many posts ive made on here complaining about the performance and overheating issues but i do know that ive tried to tell @staff about them multiple times, both through apple's report an issue thingy in the app store and directly via the tumblr support page. ive been through every troubleshooting step. i cant even tell you how often i reinstalled the app. i have tested it on wifi and cellular, with 5g on and 5g off. its always the same thing. the app draws insane amounts of power whenever it is active/open, even when im not scrolling, and my phone gets warmer and warmer until it eventually shuts down with a temperature warning or gets too hot to hold in my hand

a couple weeks ago i actually upgraded to a new phone (for context: my previous one was only 2 years old, not some ancient underpowered thing, and apart from tumblr i NEVER noticed any performance/temperature issues so i wasn't really looking for an upgrade, i just got a really good offer from my carrier). the tumblr app also makes my (older) ipad overheat, so i already knew that the problem here wasn't a particular device, but given the chance i was ofc curious to see if things would improve with a newer one. they didn't 🤪

anyway i conducted a little informal experiment with the new phone to figure out exactly how bad the problem is. didn't even install the tumblr app when i first set it up, just to see how the phone would perform without buggy software (the answer is really well)

under normal usage the battery lasts for at least two fucking days. texting, playing music, surfing, fucking reading ebooks, watching youtube videos, we're talking like close to 30 hours of screen time on a single charge. SCREEN time, not standby.

on saturday morning, while using the tumblr app (and only the tumblr app), i went from 90% to 50% in TWO AND A HALF HOURS. that is insane.

like not only is it super uncomfortable to hold a piping hot thing made of glass and metal in your hands, im also genuinely concerned about the health of my battery lmao

until a few months ago i had NEVER encountered this problem, not even on my old iphone 8 that sometimes struggled with other apps as well. tumblr always worked fine. idk what they changed or which weird new feature that nobody asked for is responsible for this but something is drawing power like CRAZY and literally FRYING MY HARDWARE.

honestly its like the world's shittiest screen time reminder lmao. after 30 minutes the temperature starts to get uncomfortable and after an hour i literally have to take a break, close the app for 5 minutes and let my phone cool off. WHICH IT DOES BTW. like almost INSTANTLY. idk what else to say except that this seems to be a feature not a bug. in the sense that it happens no matter what i do

lmao sorry this turned into such a long rant. like i said, i already messaged tumblr support about it but this has been going on for months at this point and i am P I S S E D

[zero-braincells-left]

not a vent post but idk if anyone actually wants to listen to me talk about romance and my gf and. my confidence in my romantic attraction shattering right in front of me lmao. anywho

tldr: hmmmmmmmmmm hey i might be lithromantic. but first let’s go on several unrelated tangents that only barely go together to prove whatever point i was trying to make??

ive kind of felt like i feel romance. wrong ? like i know there isn’t a wrong way like this and whatnot but it’s still just. idk. first of all like,,,, i just don’t get the concept of falling in love (romantic). what being in love would even feel like. but most definitely not in an aromantic way, no, i 100% do have crushes. i am. extremely sure about that part. but that’s just liking people. i feel like im too young to be in love, but everyone else announces such. last time i used the word love romantically was fucking forever ago when i was in 4th grade with my very first crush. that, in fact, was not love. love is just a strong word.

(after writing everything else im unsure where to put this where it fits, but also, I haven’t really been able to imagine myself in any sort of long term, romantic relationship. i don’t want to get married, and i can’t see myself dating someone for, like, life.)

but i love my friends. because that’s platonic. love is a perfectly acceptable word to use for platonic or familial things in my mind. just not romance, at least not for myself? like i get the thing of having a partner and being able to say “i love you” and i mean. cmon. with all the ships i have I’ve imagined that with characters plenty of times. but like

i love my best(?) friend so, sosososo much more than i “love” my girlfriend. because, with dating, i just like her. romantic . and she knows that and the feelings mutual because love is just too strong a word for a relationship both of us know isn’t forever. but. do i even like her (romantic.)? i think so? i had a crush on her for like. half a year. and i know that was a crush, for sure. and that day on Halloween when we started dating i was happy, i was excited. but something about calling her my “girlfriend” felt so. weird. ive never dated anyone before, not even a shitty 3 day long elementary school “dating” kinda thing, so i just kinda chalked it up to that. i still can’t pinpoint what it is but right now. yeah, okay, we’re dating. whenever i think about that fact—I like the thought of it but i don’t like that it’s real. that it’s happening. the thought of being ‘romantic’ or holding hands or anything feels genuinely uncomfortable if i think about it now, even when it used to be a nice idea. and in practice, before either of us knew the other liked them, and we had all sorts of “fake” flirting bullshit, i was also perfectly fine and even happy (and flustered) by the closeness because. i liked her. and now with a relationship, even if the idea makes me really uncomfy, in practice I don’t really mind. it’s just, kind of, neutral.

speaking of which, I’ve made several “if you say that again im breaking up with you” or when she does something dumb/silly and goes ‘oh yeah? what you gonna do? break up with me?’ “yes” jokes. and like. she’s fine with that and we both think it’s funny but. i genuinely don’t not mean it, like, the idea of breaking up with her doesn’t bother me (well, it does a bit.) and the idea of staying with her, still dating, also doesn’t bother me (well, it does a bit). again im just completely neutral on it, and she knows this. but i feel like im only here because she likes dating me more than i enjoy it. i cant tell if I like this or not.

it’s like, knowing my feelings were reciprocated and being able to date her like I wanted to, made my feelings go away or at least. lessen (cause i still, I guess, do like her? sort of?)

anyways i guess I might be lithromantic then ? i already know of that label AND I’d considered it before.

for long as I can remember now, I guess, whenever I have crushes I can get over them really quickly. it’s just having that closure that’s fine. hell, earlier this year I liked one of my friends so i told him, got confirmation he didn’t like me back, and then got over it the next day. that was just a few months of crushing though—a couple years ago, i had a crush on one of my main friends at the time for one whole year. December to February of the following year. my feelings didn’t weaken over that time, either. then i got peer pressured into confessing, got confirmation it was a no, and the VERY. NEXT . DAY. i was over him. i knew it was a no so I didn’t dwell on it.

it’s just always been like that, I guess. i can get over anyone if I have the closure.

but nobody’s ever liked me back before. what happens if that ‘closure’ is a yes? i thought about it one time maybe a year or so ago and thought that, yeah, maybe I’d stop liking someone if that was the case. and now it… sort of is. i don’t know how I feel about my gf or what to do about it and I don’t know how to talk to her about it. i know she’s understanding of that so it’s not that im scared she’ll think im weird or wrong for it, just. idk. i dont even know what I’d say, but I might try tomorrow.

im fine dating her, i honestly don’t mind it, i just feel like being able to. express how i do feel about it at least haha. and i feel really guilty that this might be mostly one-sided on her end.

i have another thing to say actually but I’ll rb and add it on cause I want to end this specific thought here

[bluebellthesponge]

Hey friend! I am Rae and I followed you because this stupid troll movie resurrected my ancient NSYNC obsession and you post about them some. But, I know a lot of younger people aren't comfortable palling around with much older people, and I am literally 20 years your senior, lol. So I just wanted to reach out and say hi, but also let you know if you'd rather I not follow/interact that's totally fine too, I won't be hurt or anything.

In payment for this awkward af message, I offer you "Songbird" by Fleetwood Mac and invite you to imagine Chris singing it. :)

hey there!!! welcome to my blog, glad you followed me because of my nsync posting teheheh! and you're good! feel free to stay following my blog i am totally fine with really any people older than me following me :)) i am glad you find enjoyment with what i post! :D

happy to hear your nsync interest was reignited with the trolls movie, makes me wonder if the movie will bring back old fans and bring in new ones! which i mean i am sure it will, it does feature nsync songs (i think? i don't know how many actually, all i know is better place and i want you back for trailers lmao) so it's cool and exciting to probably see some new people around considering at least nsync tumblr is pretty much dead lol

but it's cool to probably have a movie introduce people to nsync considering i say after nsync broke up??? (question marks because the breakup date confuses me so much) i say jt's songs have been more of the standard/what people are use to rather than nsync songs which is natural lol, music moves on and nsync obvs hasn't made a new album since 2001

because personally for me, i was literally born after nsync technically died, i was more used to it just being justin and that nsync was more of a fun fact on his behalf lmao. i only knew bye bye bye, it's gonna be me and merry christmas, happy holidays and probably pop because of jimmy neutron but that was it

it wasn't until the beginning of this year that my sisters and i started watching boyband music videos on youtube because when my one older sister was younger, radio disney i guess played pop and she hated that song when she was younger, so when she saw the music video we watched it,,,and kept on watching it the next couple of weeks and then their other music videos and at first, like i am with a lot of things i realize i might start getting interested in, i was in denial being like "oh i am NOT catching myself getting into some dead 1990s/2000s boyband with fucking justin timberlake in it like nuh uh" but then oh no!!! i realize i started watching their performances by myself and by spring/summer i already am familiar with all their names and searching for "nsync as vines" videos that i know i am already too deep in

and also on the last day of school back in june, to celebrate i guess, my sisters ordered pizza for us since our mom was out of the house and we watched the lou boyband con documentary and soon we want to watch the lance and joey movie together lol

ok sorry for explaining my nsync interest origin story i just felt like it hahah. i just have a lot of thoughts on nsync in general that i can make a whole ass video essay series about them but that's a later idea to execute

personally with me on any fandoms i usually am more shy i guess lol. i am just scared to interact with others in general because i am a socially anxious guy idk dsfjlkdslkf, that's why i follow like 84 blogs dfsljdsfkdsf and from what i seen a lot of the nsync fandom are people in their 30s which is fine! that's cool considering they did grow up in that era to experience the boyband phenomena like glad they are still enjoying something they liked 20+ years ago unlike me who never grew up with that and yeah boybands like one direction and big time rush existed, but a boyband craze like nsync i never was there to experience hahaha

considering the one direction fandom still seems to be going strong in some sense, i am not surprised nsync has been as well (at least on other platforms but i don't fuck with instagram/tiktok fandoms). but anyways personally for me i feel awkward for the most part being in the nsync fandom, the fans i have met are generally very nice (like you!) but i still feel a bit odd for not being a millennial who grew up with them but instead a chronically online gen z teen who found them really because my older sister in the late '00s hated a song of theirs lol

but anyways once again i am saur sorry for that long ass answer i just have a lot of thoughts about this stupid ass band, but once again feel free to stay! you're welcomed here :D thank you so much!

and ooooh i will listen to the song soon and see hehehe! after school or so i'll do it ljdsflkdsf thanks :)

*edit: how i also knew of the other members at first was also probably silly. i probably heard of chris because he voiced chip skylark on the fairly odd parents, lance was several timez on gravity falls, and joey and jc i was not 100% of them at first/didn't have other media i could attach them to at first when i wasn't sure of their names lolll. i knew joey was on hannah montana but i never watched that show and he was on big fat greek wedding which my mom liked, but with jc literally that man fell off the face of the earth after nsync (i know that's not 100% true, but you get what i mean dsflkjdslk)

also another unnecessary thought but i kind of lowkey feel well not weird but interesting that nsync are technically around my parents' ages (at least more so around chris, jc, and joey's considering chris is only a couple months older than my mom) and it's like "huh these guys could technically be my parents...and i am just giggling and kicking my feet watching these fucking losers dance for my entertainment"

once again thank you and have a nice day!

[vibrantlifeboringdeath]

Tag Game to Better Know You

tagged by the very lovely @zozobruh thank you SO much for thinking of me <3

What book are you currently reading?

it WAS Time is a Mother, the poetry collection by Ocean Vuong, but it's currently lost on the london subway :( next on the list though is Secret History, my friend got it for me for christmas and I really wanna start!!!

what’s your favorite movie you saw in theaters this year?

I'm ngl I don't think I've been to the cinema yet this year!! But I'm very excited for Asteroid City (which I might get to see this week) and Barbie. I am becoming very unhinged about Barbie tbh-

I will say though, I REALLY wanna see Banshees of Inisherin that u mentioned in ur own post!!!

what do you usually wear?

monochrome (with the occaisional splash of red or blue), short skirt & long jacket (like the cake song), lots of jacket pins. I wore a dress on saturday that was a bit risky in terms of my dysphoria but i FUCKING LOVED IT ACTUALLY. I also adore my new barbie crop top-

how tall are you

5 foot 10-ish I think??

what’s your star sign? do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event?

I'm an aires and I have the same birthday as Nathan Fillion, Mariah Carey, Christine Sydelko from Vine & apparently a bunch of tiktok stars I've never heard of lmao

do you go by your name or a nickname?

my name, Envy. A couple of people have tried V against my will, I hate it tbh

did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?

When I was a child I did not even know I was a girl lmao. I wanted to be a rockstar and I *am* in a band though, so????

are you in a relationship? if not, who is your crush if you have one?

oh boy lmao (I'm single and mostly fine with it. I think I need to figure myself out a bit before I think too much about this one)

what’s something you’re good at vs something you’re bad at?

I am good at playing guitar. Not great, competent. I lack the focus to really grind out the practice to break the barrier into being Really Really Good at something. So I guess I'm bad at learning??? But my actual answer to that is I'm bad at picking up on social queues/figuring out where I stand with people

dogs or cats?

I love them both, I love going to someone's house and they have a dog, but I'd personally rather live with a cat

if  you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favorite  picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you created this  year?

A lot of what I've written this year are song lyrics that are NOT ready for anyone else's eyes lmao. You can have this little snippet from an Our Flag Means Death fic I'm working on though:

The dull Toronto sky barely seemed real as Ed stared gloomily out of his studio apartment window. The whole city felt fleeting, a hastily-painted backdrop to an imitation of life that looked as if it could start peeling away at any moment. He remembered coming here with his mother as a teenager, resenting the city’s skyscrapers for blocking his view of home, all the friends he had to leave behind. It was childish to feel that way again, Ed thought, but he also knew he couldn’t help it. Stede made him happier than he’d ever thought possible, and everything that came between them was cruel in its indifference. They hadn’t arranged when to see each other again – that was normal, Ed needed to know his schedule before he could commit, and he normally called from a payphone once he had something to offer. But the wait until then didn’t make it any easier.

what is something that you’d like to create content for?

I want to make a video game lmao. I started designing a top-down shooter a while ago to see how it felt and I. It activated all the special interest neurons in my brain I want to make game mechanics and spend ages making little pixel art icons bc I will get v obsessive about the art style and- but that's not really what the question was lmao. Uh. I've only recently started getting into writing fanfic and stuff, I'm writing for Our Flag Means Death right now but I had some ideas in high school for Doctor Who fics that I might dust off at some point-

what’s something you’re currently obsessed with?

YuGiOh, our flag means death, whatever Ryan Gosling has going on right now

what’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

my year has NOT been going how i expected it to at all and some of it stings a bit, I won't lie, but that's unfair of me because things are really, really good when I get over myself and really think about it. I am happy, I'm just a little bit insane, but I'm leaving the place that is making my mental health tank in about a month so things are looking up!! and they were already good, I just!!!

what’s a hidden talent of yours?

I am good at So Few Things, I would not hide a talent, I am trying to seem like a good hire

are you religious?

No, but I think the sense of community and catharsis and connection to something so much bigger than myself I get when I see my favourite artists at a concert is close to the feeling I think a lot of people are chasing, and can feel, when explorign their faith. I would say I'm some kind of spiritual but I think that feeling just comes from Us, not because there's something Bigger out there

what’s something you wish to have at this moment?

A reason to leave this island Right Now I'm moving up north to be with my friend in a month and I could NOT be more excited but this is going to be the longest month of my life lmao

going to tag @school-marm-charm if u fancy sharing!! No pressure though <3

[demigodsanswer]

oh I initially meant dancers who inspired YOU when writing Percy/Annabeth or who they were partially based on but honestly love the question you answered!!

Oh! Sorry! I totally misread that lmao!

Honestly, there are so many. Ballet is one of my special interests, even before writing this story, so I've seen so many videos, interviews, documentaries etc of dancers, and I've just collected their stories in my mind. No one is a single one-to-one representation of any one dancer or their story.

A lot of my information on SAB and NYCB comes from Kathryn Morgan's YouTube channel, and stories like the Romeo and Juliet drop are hers. I do usually try to contextualize and reimagine stories so that they aren't just stolen, but the Romeo and Juliet drop was one that was fully lifted. KM also did Romeo and Juliet very young, much like Annabeth.

Drawing on dance styles was the most fun for me, because I got to just watch a bunch of dancing and figure out what did I want to give to which dancer, particularly Annabeth. I wanted Annabeth to be distinct at NYCB, but still renowned. I also wanted her to not always be a perfect dance match for Percy, so I knew I wanted her to be considered a slower, more classical dancer among these Balachine dancers.

Annabeth is really an amalgamation of several dancers', particularly in terms of how I imagine her style' styles: Kathryn Morgan, Sara Mearns, Marianella Nunez, and Tiler Peck. They are the dancers I find myself referring back to the most when writing her dancing. Peck has this incredible technical precision and speed that I think Annabeth will really start to be recognized for post-Beauty. Prior to Beauty, she was probably on a lot of "up and coming" dancer lists, and was consider a career to watch, a young dancer with a lot of promise. And then there was a lot of anxiety and concern when she disappeared. But then she comes back really better than ever, and with a technical precision she didn't quite have when she was younger. But I don't think she's exactly like Peck. I really see Morgan and Mearns as Balanchine-trained dancers who have a real soft quality to their dancing; there isn't the sharp precision of Peck, but that's not a flaw. It's their aesthetic approach. (I also sometimes fine Peck a little too smiley). I really admire Morgan's and Mearns's acting abilities, particularly in full-length ballets. And then Nuńez is just an icon. I think Annabeth in her 30s, when she's doing her best dancing, is going to have that total Nuńez world-renowned star quality.

Percy doesn't have as many inspirations. I like watching the girls. But Villella is the big one. I saw that Tarantella video years ago before this story even existed in my mind, and thought "if Percy were a dancer, he'd be that dancer." Misty Copeland of ABT is a dancer who I knew started very young, so she was part of that inspiration as well.

I also draw on Peck for Piper a bit -- I think Piper is a really quick, sharp dancer who can just turn like a top. Ashley Bouder is another one.

Reyna in my head is a bit like Osipova: technically perfect, incredibly strong and flexible, and when she jumps she stays in the air for about an hour and a half before landing.

Also -- I describe Lupa as Balanchine's last muse, and in one of my tumblr prompts I think I also revealed she was taken into the company at 16 as well, and that story is just fully Darci Kistler's. I didn't take anything else from Darci's life or her personality to create Lupa.

[bicheetopuff]

time to be personal so anon goes on!

Feel free to ignore this, with the discussion about these topics I just want to express myself. I’m not expecting an answer, and if this makes you uncomfortable I apologize, as it’s not my intention.

I used to believe I was a cishet girl/woman for the longest time, and even doubted myself after finding out about my queerness for so many years, because of the portrait of heterosexuality and sex as needed in fandom from a young age (9/10 years old, the same time ppl would make a challenge to watch a hentai bl which involved a child with an adult and the main critic was about it being gay; the child was still older than me, and a friend and I watched it so we could see what was the big deal and challenge ourselves into being the one who could “handle it better” or “not be affected by it”. Yeah, totally didnt it affect us/s)

I remember my first crush on a girl, one of my best friends, and thinking I needed to see her in a sexual way in order to actually like her, and it just felt so, so wrong to see her like that. It was easier to be a guy’s plaything, it’s easier to be it in my head. I hate the internet. There is no safe space to hide in, and they teach us this is our only option when it’s full of creeps.

It doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all, I can actually relate as a genderfluid/transmasc person myself.

The way the world and media views women and afabs, especially if we’re talking like 10-15 years ago, has always been “if you’re not this, this, and this, then you’re not a proper woman” and that list of requirements of what a woman should and shouldn’t be puts young girls in such a small box that they’re not able to express themselves. We feel like we’re not given a choice until we grow up a bit and realize that we can be whoever the hell we want to be after so many years of feeling ashamed of who we wished we were.

i was diagnosed with PCOS in middle school which causes a higher testosterone level and since i realized i had it when i hit puberty, my voice got deeper and i started growing a lot of body hair and beard hair by the time i reached sophomore year of high school and i had so many guys call me disgusting if i didn't shave and conform. By this time i knew i was at least bi but I didn’t realize I was probably genderqueer until I was 19.

I’m glad I realized after high school though because now I live in a pretty accepting city and I don’t have to be around a bunch of annoying teenagers lmao. I don’t shave my legs or my face unless I want to and I stopped trying to mask my deep voice and now i feel free to be who I am. But I think it took me so long because of the toxic heteronormative portrayal of women in media, feeling like I had to follow orders of a man to be considered a “good girl.”

That being said I understand being a young closeted queer in inappropriate fandoms. Personally, I think I interacted with them as a kid because I felt the need to be non conforming in some way even if it was privately/on the internet under a burner account. Interacting which such content affected the way I viewed age gap relationships so as a teenager I honestly believed 14-20 was perfectly fine which caused me to talk to older men I shouldn’t have been talking to and it took me a couple of years to decondition myself from that mindset. Like you said though, it was a lot easier to be some guys play thing than to accept that you have a crush on one of your best friends. I really liked one girl all through out high school yet I only talked to men romantically because it was easier which is depressing to say. But, it also taught me a lot about how most men think and view women so now I just don’t talk to cismen at all which is probably a blessing.

I know this post is so long but I figured if you opened up, I could open up too. Plus most of these things I’ve said on my blog in the past anyway. I’m very open about my queer experience I just figure people wouldn’t want to read about it on a bkdk blog lmao.

But all this to say, I understand you, anon. The internet sucks but so does the real world tbh. You have to choose to exist as yourself in at least one of them even if it means you’ll run into questionable characters. My ask box and DMs are always open if you wanna talk!

[mostlymalena]

Tuesday March 26th 3:26pm

Hello I know I know it's been some time. lots of spelling errors coming your way. I have started carrying around a little notebook so I can write down snippets of things that have happened so I can remember to write about them later. here we go

lets start with Saturday night. The usual group goes out and grace comes since we were close to getting back together (more on that later). We meet up with my good friend Ava at BP. Earlier in the week she posted on her story a picture of me calling me her crush as a joke bc we fuck off a lot and are idiots (love). This bitch Belle who I have hated since the day I fucking met her which was well well over a year ago.

Okay wait context: when me and P were dating his brothers formed a cutie little band and they needed a singer and idk I guess belle was friends with one of them but she joined. She always gave me shady vibes and they were reassured by her being fucking weird with P's brother while she had a boyfriend. Me and P used to talk the biggest shit about her and her behavior so all in all she has always rubbed me the wrong way. Well when she found out P and I had broken up (we were still seeing each other mind you) this bitch went full fucking speed clinging to P's dick. Posting him and asking him to hangout just the two of them, buying him things yada yada. Of course I bitched about it to P and he just amped it up bc it made me jealous.

So I have just icky vibes about her and knew they would hook up once P and I finally stopped talking. What do you know, rumor has it they do and no one is surprised at fucking all. Thank god I'm past the point where that caught me up bc it was sickening to hear about. Now it gives me second hand embarrassment. I feel like the first rule of thumb when you have a rebound is to make sure they are at least even remotely on the same level as your ex.

Anyways Ava posted me and Belle's fucking SISTER slide up going on about how I'm crazy and broke into P's house (no lmao just no) and yada yada. I wanna know if they all have so much to say why do you avoid bluepost so damn much??? yap yap yap on the internet and in my friends dm's and all ups and down town but cannot say shit to my face? Typical.

Can someone please let this 2 by 4 with eyes know that I am not a threat to her relationship with an AI generated line cook with 0 passion or excitement about anything that would extend past algebra and chess. Like please. Im so stupid to think everything was chiller. Legit thought everything was fine I was like like oh we both moving on that chill there is no bad blood lmao. WRONG> WREONG WRONG MALENA.

Also to me there is something about being with a man who is only not still fucking with his ex bc SHE moved on first. That just does not sit right with me. P came back from his trip ready to revamp whatever we had before he left and if I hadn't moved on (thankfully) while he was gone then we would still be swimming in the same circle. Whatever girl he has now or next or whatever he got going on that is not my business has got her work cut out for her. Lord have mercy.

I was really okay about it all but now I just feel like frustrated bc I do not understand why it matters much anymore. Miss me or dont but thats on you. Somedays I'm nostolgic about it somedays im not but im also never afraid to own up to my feelings or behavior. Im confused why men fuck with me and are obsessed with me bc im "different" "weird" "crazy" and "love that you dont act nonchalant" but when they cross me and I still behave that way THEN its a problem?

Mistakes are made when men think they are the exception and they never are nor will be ever again lmao.

I have soccer practice now so I'll have to write more later in the evening.

[findme-at1am]

Hahhhahhah context firstttt- My grandparents died two years ago, my grandmother first then a year and a couple days to be exact my grandfather followed. He took care of her in his last days, screaming at her and honestly verbally abusing her. As a teen I told my mother I couldn't stand to see it so my mother didn't force me. My aunt knew and did nothing, had ALL of his money and we're thinking near a million... Not a single nurse or even recommending one to papaw to at least scare him into acting right. She said and did nothing and never brought it up again, whenever it was brought up she'd act like it was a pain or bother and still post on Facebook how she's "putting her life on hold for both her parents 🙏" . Which she always went online to pat herself on the back or only associate with my family when my mother's health went down hill, then she was oh so humble /s "Thanks so much for giving my sister a second life 😇." Cool thanks for guilt tripping my mother while she was juggling kids, her own health, and her mother's health when you decided to guilt trip her over not visiting when she's getting dialysis, surgery, and medicine changes back to back and driving all the way to Ohio to do so (an 8hr drive all together to there and back home.)

My blood aunt, their oldest daughter, put herself over his will with no thought of my mother over ANY decision regarding the funeral, (not casket nothing.) didn't get either a live in aid/nurse, worked as an EMT at a tunnel full time (so well off AND no time to keep watch on my gmother who had dementia and was attempting to sneak out and gfather who had fell prior) and had ALL and I mean half a million put back from papaw's shit and she used it "all for the funeral..." And his house has the most thinnest walls, no wall separating the bathroom AND KITCHEN (at the time he was alive) AND A HOLE IN THE BATHROOM FLOOR LETTING AIR IN.. MY OLD GRANDPA KEPT A WHOLE JUMPSUIT ON 24/7 AND THE HEAT UP IN THE 80'S bro we suffocated and would always bring it up when we visited (for his sake obv.) and they both suffered living their last years here... And she let them while holding the money and saying "what else could I do."

Doing what's right would be a great start.

Of course after the funeral was done her car was paid off, her house completely paid off, retired early, got a boat and is having renovations done to her house as we speak and she does parties on her boat with a preacher who's church she pays the electric bills for... So where'd you get all that money when you said you've been "struggling" and "living off your taxes"...?

So now she recently found out she has cancer and was loopy due to the tumors pressing against vital organs for a week~ around her brain and lungs yet she has enough energy to guilt trip my family when they visit (I personally haven't bothered, I wanted to for a day then got a reality check that her actions weren't my fault and despite my feelings she didn't and never wanted a true relationship with me so). And roll her eyes when they actually act civil and WANT to see her.. My aunt's daughter doesn't want to tell my mother (her own sister..) anything regarding her health. Which is fine, but don't act like it's cause of my mother tho yours is just pure shit n rocks in a bag.

I'm tempted to post everything on Facebook and let her have it out in the open since she likes showing how good of a person she is and posting plates of food she brought papaw, right? 😊 You don't get a Cancer Get Out of Jail Free Card when you're being a cunt and every day I'm tempted closer and closer to making that side of the family mad and just making a PSA lmao 😊

[feelingofcontent]

DNP Rewatch: Basically I'm Gay

Date video was published: 06/13/2019 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 397

And here we are. Dan coming out simultaneously feels like it just happened and so long ago. I vividly remember when this video got posted. I was at work, and saw the tweet and then the video almost immediately after. I thought it would be fine to watch at my desk...and then I started crying and had to go sit in the bathroom with my headphones to finish it.

0:00 - the big sigh to start it off

0:13 -  Hector’s art! it’s so perfect through this whole video

0:29 - “spoiler alert, I’m not straight” runs through my head so often

0:59 - so strange to see normal air quotes after so many Phil videos

1:04 - I really appreciate all of Dan’s little cut-ins to the main narrative

1:24 - I love sarcastic Dan. very warranted here 

1:37 - I wonder when he filmed this compared to when he uploaded it (obviously before his birthday, but earlier in June? earlier in the year? I don’t think he ever said)

1:43 - the quick jump cuts here are a nice detail

2:13 - and it is intense immediately though he did just warn everyone it would be

2:40 - awww, tiny Dan! adorable

3:26 - the nineties were not okay

3:39 - yeah if it was me, I would be more scared of people I knew watching this than strangers. that had to be stressful

3:58 - theater kid Dan

4:35 - not even 5 minutes into the video and he already has such a clear narrative (especially on rewatch knowing the rest of the story). he put so much thought and emotion into this

5:13 - lmao what even. children are bizarre creatures. that poor mother indeed 😂

5:55 - “winnie the pooh meets slenderman” is quite the description

6:14 - how is spin the bottle a thing groups of children learn about and play everywhere

6:46 - oh Dan 😕

7:14 - British schools in the early 2000s sound a lot more horrifying than most US schools

7:54 - more little Dan. oversized “you’ll-grow-into-clothes” though is definitely part of what he talks about elsewhere about his family not always having a lot of money

8:22 - this may be my favorite photo of young Dan

8:31 - the Runescape call-out gave me such flashbacks the first time I watched this

9:14 - awww Dan; so sweet but then the internal realization he must have had

9:50 - unrequited crushes are so hard. and even worse when it’s like this...they could have liked me too but didn’t

10:46 - I love the art for “emo”

11:12 - “slap a long fingerless glove on my arm” 😂 Dan really does a good job on inserting a bit of lightness in this overall heavy video

11:32 - thanks Dan 😊

11:59 - Dan forever haunted by old photos he posted

12:27 - “a bi vibe” how would you even respond to that

12:42 - Dan’s tongue thing and the eyebrow raise there

13:09 - “almost nice to me” is still awful

14:02 - this is about where I started crying the first time I watched this

14:43 - having to hold that all in and then not having support from family or friends either. I can’t imagine

15:14 - important annotation there

15:42 - the most Dan has ever talked about his dad

16:40 - the intense eye contact with the camera

17:52 - this sounds more terrifying than anything. seeing where Dan lived in Hometown Showdown though...he didn’t have a lot of options in his environment, which is something he talks about here and later in YWGTTN

18:34 - thinking you’ve found a ‘solution’ but it just making things worse is so terrible

19:19 - and this was where I was glad I read the content warning in the description before my first watch so I had some idea what was coming

19:41 - the subtitles show what is actually being said here in all the overlap. recording this part and having to think back to that must have been so difficult

19:52 - still can’t get through watching this part without tearing up. can’t imagine being his family/people who know him watching it

20:26 - this bit is so important. I love Dan so much

21:18 - he was always focusing on how to get out

21:29 - can’t believe he still had his nametag from that

21:37 - seeing 2009 Dan and 2019 Dan right after each other is a lot

21:53 - still can’t believe he included screenshots of his own formspring posts that at one point he had wished could be removed from the internet forever

22:09 - that is such a generic statement and yet says so much. also, he’s been skipping around the timeline a bit with when he started YouTube and such, but he specifically puts this before the “I met Phil” part

22:19 - sometimes I think we forget that Dan actually said this.

22:22 - “more than just romantic” is just 😭 and ‘trust’ and ‘safety’ being what Dan needed most and something Phil provided. and the trust he and Phil still have with each other, to the point of Phil being comfortable with Dan saying all of this in the video before Phil had really come out publicly himself

22:42 - and more crying. “actual soulmates” says the man who doesn’t believe in souls...Phil transcends that disbelief

22:57 - “one person accepting you can make all the difference” might be the most memorable line from this video for me

23:04 - but still drawing the boundaries they want. so important

23:53 - specifically the boundaries around discussion of sex life (although sometimes I think we know too much already...*cough*)

24:15 - another extremely important point. not coming out is not lying

24:50 - clips from Our List of Awkward Moments all the way back in 2014 and the diss track in 2016

25:28 - hearing what Dan felt like and what was happening from his perspective during the 2011-2012 era

26:12 - I love the “we love working together” it’s so true; you can see it in every project they do together 🥺

26:17 - the “me and Phil” as usual. and this whole statement about them wanting their relationship for them and not for anyone else

27:00 - hearing about Dan’s background here puts any defensive reaction he ever had into context. anyone around during the 2011-2012 time knows exactly what mixed messages he is talking about

28:05 - seeing that change in internet culture in real time was so strange

29:04 - wanting to be “authentic” has always been something Dan said over the years

29:12 - the sexy music underlay here that they use so often 😂

29:28 - a bit where I think meeting their audience on tour really helped Dan...he knows people in his audience have similar stories

29:43 - I relate to that coming from a small overall-conservative town as well

31:02 - more important points and acknowledgement about privilege

32:25 - “science. you fucked up” the little rant amuses me

33:00 - so many little details

33:25 - I think he has impeccable timing for he jokes in this video to break things up 

34:08 - Dan in heels when. I guess we will just have to appreciate Phil in those heeled boots from VPMO2

34:20 - I love that he was doing gestures even when he was going to insert art

34:33 - ‘Susan’ of course and using this single line as an excuse to get cake

35:12 - I really like that he both talks about his personal thoughts about labels, while also saying that everyone has different feelings about them

36:22 - “I don’t know shit ‘bout shit and neither does anyone else” I need to start using this

36:26 - oh I forgot it directly proceeded that line 😂

36:48 - “whatever heterosexual is, I ain’t it” another line I love

38:22 - this might be the most powerful bit of the video for me

38:52 - adore Dan laughing a bit at himself for this

39:14 - again, wonder exactly when this was filmed. also knowing that his family didn’t know for all those years...the support from Phil and the Lesters must have been so important to have

39:20 - having to prepare for that possibility could not have been easy

39:48 - I feel the second-hand awkwardness from this

39:54 - that subject line does not help

40:52 - Dan’s grandma, both sweet and has her priorities 😂 he did not forget to give her the iPad

41:38 - I’m glad he got such a positive, supportive reaction to this video overall

42:33 - this art and then him being a part of that group just a few weeks later at Pride... 😭

44:34 - sometimes I just want to send people this clip

44:54 - really like him speaking to his audience at the end here

Just so much love for Dan for this video. He put so much into this video and thought about so many details - the music choices, the lighting changes, the art (and the coloring matching the lighting), some of the wording that he had literally be thinking about for years... And the follow-up from both him and Phil on Twitter. The shoutout to Phil in the description for “production assistance” always gets me too. Really no other words just ❤❤❤

He was so active on social media for a bit afterwards - sharing pictures of his rainbow birthday cake, balloons, this insta story, and these tweets specifically (1, 2, 3). And then of course going to Pride in early July (1, 2, 3), where he looks so happy in all the pictures from that day. 😭

[kaitsawamura]

would you like to stay forever?

SUMMARY⎮   Sparring with Pro Hero Kirishima Eijiro in his private gym at his home doesn't seem like a bad idea if you don't count the fact that you really, really like him.

STATS⎮ minors do not interact, 18+ ⎮  Rating: M (for mature)  ⎮  WC: 5525  ⎮   Pairing: Pro Hero Kirishima Eijiro x Fem!Reader  ⎮   Tags: Aged Up Character(s), Friends to Lovers, Sparring, Smut, Fluff, Age/Experience Gap (if you really squint)  ⎮  AO3

NOTES⎮  Thanks to @spacelabrathor​ for listening to me scream about this and to @some-kindofgnome​ for fueling my Kiri fever dreams.  Yes, that title is based on a Mulan quote. This whole fic was based on THIS POST and Kirishima seemed like the perfect character for this pwp.  Hope y'all enjoy!  (Also please for the love of God, click on the banner to see in HD if you’re on mobile, it looks so much better lol)

It was Saturday and even though you’re on your way to becoming a Pro Hero, you can think of several things you’d rather be doing with your one day off than going to Kirishima Eijiro’s house to spar.  But here you are pulling into his driveway, going over combat moves in your head as if your life depended on it.  They weren’t really serving their purpose which was to distract yourself.  Kiri had offered up his personal gym, encouraged you to stop by with one hand in his pocket and the other rubbing the back of his neck as if he was nervous.  

A couple of his friends had already taken him up on the offer.  You were the only one he’d offered who hadn’t come over yet.  He had texted you a couple of weeks later saying he was starting to take it personally…  and then immediately texted with a laughing emoji just to clarify he was only giving you a hard time.  It brings a smile to your face now as you remember it.  Yesterday he had also clarified it would just be the two of you if you were self-conscious sparring in front of other people.  You’d have the whole place to yourselves.  Like that should mean something.  Which it did.  It does , you realize with butterflies growing in your stomach.  Kiri doesn’t need to know that though.

The two of you had been toeing around something since you had been hired at Fatgum’s Agency a year ago.  Neither of you had made a move.  Kirishima, the Red Riot, was a big Pro Hero and while you took pride in your quirk, it didn’t hold a coin to some of the others you’d come in contact with.  It had surprised you when Toyomitsu had brought you on.  But he had mumbled something about “liking your spunk” and that he thought a teleportation quirk would be a useful one to add to his agency.  The first day you had shown up, Kiri had immediately caught your eye.  Not for the obvious reasons.  Obvious reasons being the fact that he was climbing the Pro Hero charts or the fact that he had a dynamically interesting quirk or that at twenty-five he was already built like a brickhouse. 

Those were all valid reasons, yes, but what had pulled you in was his smile and his genuine interest in you outside of your quirk.  But he was just like that you had quickly discovered.  He knew everyone’s coffee order and what they liked for lunch.  He knew when to push and when to back off.  He knew when to talk and when to listen , knew when he still had a lesson to learn.  The kids flocked to him.  Even now you’re still entirely convinced that’s actually his quirk, getting people to like him.  It’s not a difficult thing to do though.

Your brain stutters back to the present when a text notification pings from your cell phone as you sit in Kiri’s driveway, picking at non-existent lint on your gym shorts.  The cute ones you’re still convincing yourself were your only clean pair and that’s the only reason you wore them.

KIRI : i saw u pull up, u gonna come in or what 😂

Had he been waiting for you to get there?  You tapped out a quick response, one that hid the little flip in your stomach at the thought: creeper, you were watching for me lmao

Response bubbles immediately flash on your phone screen but you’re angling out of your car and shutting the door before he can reply.

Somehow, this house fits Kiri perfectly.  It isn’t big.  You had seen pictures of other top-ranking Pros’ houses.  Enji Todoroki’s house, for example, was fucking ridiculous.  But even without a massive floor plan, Kiri’s house is nicer than any you’d been in for some time.  Clean, straight lines and lots of windows.  In fact, you can see straight through the floor-to-ceiling windows out to his backyard when you reach the front door.  Is that a pool ?  Kiri had tons of fun showing pictures at the agency; it was a well-deserved investment for his already multiple years of service as a Pro.  The pictures hadn’t done the place justice though.

Kiri comes to the door, throwing it wide open with a huge grin that shows off his sharp teeth.  You ignore the way your mouth goes dry as he drags you in, babbling on like an excited little kid at you actually coming.

“I really thought you were gonna back out!  I mean, that would have been fine, of course.  I just can’t see the point of having the whole place to myself all the time.”  He’s irresistibly cute, walking around showing you the living room and the kitchen and pointing out to the backyard where, yes, there is indeed a pool.  “You can come over any time and use that too if you want!”  You thank him, warmth pooling in your stomach at how incredibly nice he is.

“Uh, we should probably get in the gym.  I have… stuff to do later,” you finish lamely.  You don’t have anything to do later but very quickly you’re realizing how far out of your depth you are here.  The familiar beginnings of the head over heels fall is washing over you in steady waves.  But you’re coworkers and the thought of coming to work every day and having to see his adorable face and not doing anything about it is almost making you nauseous.

“Oh, yeah, it’s just down the hallway,” he rumbles, leading the way and you follow trying and failing miserably to calm the nerves flashing through your veins.  You’re here alone with Kiri , the man you’ve been crushing on since you’d started working with him a year ago.  And now your stupid brain isn’t just thinking about what it would feel like to run your tongue along his teeth or how his hands would feel between your legs.  No, your stupid brain is thinking about what Kiri looks like when he first opens his eyes in the morning.

Your one-track mind is not getting any help, especially when Kiri walks through the doorway of the gym addition and immediately proceeds to pull his shirt up and over his shoulders and tosses it to the side.  Shit.  His back muscles ripple with the movement and when he turns to face you, it’s heart-wrenchingly obvious that he has no idea the effect he’s having on you.  He has to know .  Doesn’t he?  From your end, it seems wildly obvious that someone as good-looking as him should know .  

You glance around, eternally grateful for the fact that the gym is also attractive.  Floor to ceiling windows span two of the walls here as well and there’s a large set of French doors leading out to the yard.  You find yourself actually in awe when you get a better look at the landscaping.  It’s so green .  There’s a small patch of lawn but the rest is just artfully arranged native flora and fauna.  Violets, tulips.  Huge hosta plants.  And cherry trees heavy with their signature sakura blossoms.  

“Kiri, it’s beautiful!”  He comes to stand beside you, looking out the French doors as well.

“You like it?  I guess it is pretty nice, huh?”  You glance up at him, your chest expanding on a lurch looking at his smile.  You’d never noticed before but he has a light dusting of freckles across his nose.

“Yeah, really nice.”  You look out again, letting the silence grow until it feels like the most comfortable thing in the world.  After what seems like an eternity Kiri clears his throat, rocking back on the balls of his feet.  “What are you thinking for today?”  The question leaves your lips and you’re immediately regretting it; your stomach flips again when Kiri looks at you like you’re prey.

“Close combat, hand-to-hand combat.  You did mention a while ago you wanted to strengthen that, right?”  You throw your head back, rolling your eyes, and groan.  The two of you make your way to the center of the mat.

“Yeah, I mean, I’d be scared to take me on too,” Kiri says, large hands on even larger hips.   He isn’t as tall as some of the other heroes at six foot three inches but he’s wide , thick.  You know for a fact you couldn’t wrap your arms around his waist and have your hands meet.  He’s wearing the biggest shit-eating grin you’ve ever seen.  The sharpened points of his canines are out and on prominent display.   Famous last words you think as a snarl erupts on your face.

“I’m not scared , Kiri.  I just don’t want to wear you out .  You’re a Pro Hero.  You’re on the job a lot more than I am.  Plus, you’re getting kind of old.  Is that a little gray I see coming in?”  Kiri bares his teeth even more but it’s not lost on you that he quickly reaches up to rake his fingers through his hair.  There isn’t any gray, obviously , but the thought has Red Riot distracted.  Distracted enough that when you plant your feet and your fist connects with his face, your knuckles hit skin and not the reinforced rock of his quirk.

“ Shit.”  Kiri takes a step back, reaching up to cradle his jaw.  His tongue swipes out to lick at the blood on his bottom lip.  His vermillion eyes find yours and if you didn’t work with him on a regular basis, you would have felt fear at this moment.  You know he wouldn’t hurt you but even now, a thrill races through your veins like electricity.  He looks as if he’s going to devour you.  You take your own step back, readying your quirk, reaching out to it as your fists hold their position in front of your body.  A dark chuckle spills from his chest as Kiri calls on his own quirk.

Now it was your turn to be distracted; you had always been fascinated by Kiri’s quirk, the way his body looked when it hardened up.  The ripples of muscle still visible under the toughened skin.  The divots and ridges and how they mapped their way across his shoulders and chest and abdomen.  You knew how it felt to the touch in fake combat.  The Fatgum heroes all took pride in maintaining a healthy routine; sparring was a common workout that was previously done at a local public gym.  You wonder absently what it would feel like to touch him slow and at the moment.  When you could give extra attention with extra time. 

Kiri closes the space between the two of you at the moment your mind strays and you barely are able to teleport out of the way to avoid him crashing into you.  You try to take a swipe at him as you materialize from in front of him to behind but this time he’s ready for you and he’s using his quirk.  Instead of moving out of the way, he plants his feet and allows your punch to hit.  Pain radiates up through your fingers and wrist.  It always irritated you that you had to prepare yourself to strike Kiri when he was using his quirk.  Otherwise, you’d be in for a whole lot of hurt every time you landed a punch.

Teleportation is a pretty handy quirk.  It gives you a pretty good advantage the more you work on your close combat skills.  The trick with Kiri was to keep going at him until he ran out of energy.  You hadn’t gotten to that point yet; your quirk had its limits as well.  You were only two years out of UA, Kiri was out by seven.  His strength was already fairly unmatched; sparring with him was always good practice.  You relish the thought of the day you can win a sparring session without tapping out.  It surges through you like pure energy.  

You teleport to stand in front of him again, shifting your weight into your hips and up through your right hook.  This time your fist connects with Kiri’s side and he lets out a small grunt.  Your fingers don’t hurt so bad this time and by the time Kiri is retaliating, you jump back a few feet.  He hmms, a sound that reverberates from his chest.

“That’s all well and good but how do you expect to do anything if you jump that far away?”  He lunges forward at a running start, leaping at the last second, sending his gloved fist into your stomach.  You were fast, but still not always fast enough.  You double over, the air rushing from your lungs and your pre-workout protein smoothie threatening to exit back the way it went in.  Sweat is already beading on your brow and sliding under your tank top.  You take a few breaths through your nose when an idea pops into your head; you stay bent over.  “Hey, I didn’t hit you that hard.  You good?”  

Kiri comes to stand in front of you, leaving him vulnerable.  He can’t see your smirk until it’s too late.  You wail on him, using some of the basic combos he’s taught you before today.  Satisfaction rolls through you when he actually takes a step back.  But then he puts his arms up in front of him, clenching his abdomen and bending inward to protect his core.  He drops just a fraction and before you realize what’s happening, he’s swiping his leg out to push through yours.  You watch in slow motion as you see his laughing face then the ceiling of the gym as you flip and land on your back.

If you thought you were out of breath before…  “Fuuu-.”  It’s a wheeze that feels like it’s ripping your chest open.  You’re seeing stars.  Kiri stands over you, hands on his hips again.  You stare at his face; the hero has his hair pulled back into a bun.  You snort, rolling your eyes.  Why does he still look so fucking good?  The sweat has caused some of the pieces falling out of his hair tie to curl.  His hair has curl to it?  You’ve never noticed before, considering he always gels it into spikes.  You like the curl.  “Are you--are you gonna help me up, or what?”  It was still painful to talk.

Kiri tilts his head to the side, just slightly, and crosses his arms.  “I’m thinking not.  Last time I let down my guard you got those good combos in.”  You stare in stunned silence, sitting up so you’re supported by your elbows.  Kiri shifts slightly and if you didn’t know better, you’d say he’s backing up to… get a better view.   

“Is that any way to treat your student,  Red Riot?”  You know you get under his skin when he clicks his tongue against his teeth and holds out a hand with a begrudging eye roll.  He pulls you up with ease, quickly enough that you almost lose your balance, swaying into his space.  You look up, eyes moving back and forth between his.  

He draws in a breath and drags his bottom lip between his teeth.  “First of all,” he says as he places his hands on your upper arms, “I’m not your teacher.  I’m not that much older than you.  Secondly,” he mutters as he tucks a stray lock of hair behind your ear, “our relationship isn’t that formal is it?”  He’s so fucking close.  This is getting dangerous.  Dangerous because Kiri is within kissing distance.  Dangerous because this gentle side of him is making you lose more breath than falling on your ass.  Dangerous because the thought of Kiri taking you on the floor right now is almost too much to bear.  

So you fall back on what you’re here to do.  Fight.  You flash him a wicked smile before rallying your quirk and teleporting a few feet away.  His hand is still raised in mid-air and when his head whips to look in your direction, his crimson eyes are narrowed and his nostrils are flared.  He laughs and rolls his neck, dancing on his toes.

“Okay.  I see.  I’m not gonna go easy on you, you know?”  You snort and put your fists up in front of you again.

“As if you were going easy on me before, Kiri.  Bring it on.”  He smiles, the sharp points of his teeth enough to make your thoughts swerve again before you bring them under control.  “Bring it on,” you whisper more to yourself as you brace for the fight.

Two hours later, you feel the strain in your muscles.  Your quirk is running low on reserves and you know you won’t be able to use it much more.  Kiri looks like he hasn’t wasted a breath but you can see he’s getting tired in the way his feet don’t move as sharply.  And if the length of time he’s using his quirk is any indication to his state of mind, you know the two of you will be calling it a day soon.  But you’re also both stubborn.  And you’re dying to get one more good move in on him.

The cockiness the two of you had at the beginning of the sparring session hasn’t gone away but has burned hot into determination.  No more smiles, only clear-headed concentration.  The two of you are an arm's length from each other, throwing various punches and switching quickly between using your quirks and not.  You’re breathing hard, sweat gathering at your brow as you throw another right hook that Kiri easily blocks.

“Get out of your head.  You can be too predictable sometimes.”  He doesn’t mean for it to come across as rude but the words strike a match to a guttering fire.  You bare your own teeth at Kiri even though they aren’t sharp and probably don’t look nearly as threatening but it helps you feel powerful nonetheless.  You drop without a second thought, lowering to your palms and sweeping your leg out in front of you in a wide arc.  A grin spreads across your face when your calf meets Kiri’s ankle.  He’s too physically dense for this move to work if he had seen it coming.  But he doesn’t.  And his solid 220 pounds of muscle falls hard.  

You allow yourself the satisfaction of the moment for only a split second; Kiri’s recovery time is much shorter than yours so it isn’t long before he’s scrambling forward.  He goes straight for your wrists to subdue you but with a smirk, you realize in his haste he’s put himself in the perfect position for you to possibly gain the upper hand.  You scoot up away from him just enough to drag his arm forward and swing your legs around his neck.  Then you elevate your hips and lock your core.

It’s over from there as you squeeze with every last ounce of strength left in your body.  It doesn’t take long for him to tap out.  You release as soon as you feel his loose hand tap your arm; he collapses over you and you’re too tired to move away or push him off.  Now his breathing is rough and you feel a surge of pride.  You reach up and place your hand on his head where his bun has come undone; he’s so heavy but it doesn’t feel bad.  In fact, the feel of Kirishima resting his head and upper chest on your stomach is feeling nothing short of good .  He’s still between your legs and suddenly the air is crackling with a new kind of energy when you gently comb your fingers through his hair.

He rises up, his hands on either side of you.  His hips rest between your legs; the mingled heat radiating from both of you is almost more than you can take but there is no way you’re going to move anywhere.  He leans forward, so close you can see the flecks of burnt orange in his eyes.  If you moved forward just a little, you could close that space between you.  He leans down more, his mouth right next to the shell of your ear.

“Maybe not always predictable.  You did good today.  Probably some of the best fighting I’ve seen from you so far.  Keep it up.”  He grunts, a shift of his hips allowing the curve of his cock to brush against your clothed sex through his gym shorts.  He stiffens in what you think might be embarrassment.  “Shit, sorry, let me just, uh--”  The stuttering mess he becomes right before your eyes makes something lurch in your chest; you reach for his face without thinking.

“Kiri,” you whisper, rolling your own hips against his.  His cheeks are burning a shade of red almost as vibrant as his hair.  You bring up your other hand, holding his face between them and bringing him down to settle over you once more.  Your lips meet his; he seems to war with himself for just a moment.  A suspended second in time.  But then he gives in, slipping his tongue against yours in a delicious sliding vision of what’s coming.

He reaches between you to slip his hand under your tank top; his hand is big and nearly encompasses your side.  But it’s warm and gentle.  Gentle.  Who would have guessed that Red Riot could be so fucking gentle?  But he is and when his hand moves lower to slide below the hem of your shorts, you give yourself to him with no reservations.  His middle finger passes through the mess of your sex; a hissed breath rattles through his chest as your back arches on a ragged groan.

“ Shit.  You’re so wet .”  He slides his finger back and forth, gathering your slick on the thick digit.  He takes his hand away and you mewl.  “Can I?”  He asks breathlessly as he hooks his hands on the hem of your shorts.  You nod, eyes half-lidded.  He pulls them down along with your underwear and the way he looks at you, at what’s between your legs, you don’t even have the wherewithal to feel self-conscious.  Adoration.  It’s the only word you can think of and it makes you wonder if you’d made a mistake waiting so long.

He’s on his knees when he takes your legs and drapes them on either side of his hips; this time he doesn’t hesitate in slipping his finger into your cunt.  You nearly see stars just from that and if one finger is any indication, you’re in for it.  Slowly, he adds another, his hand pumping into you in a steady rhythm.  You’re grabbing for the ground, grabbing for him as a strangled noise pushes from your throat.  He reaches out with his other hand to splay it across your sternum and it’s the only thing anchoring you as he adds the third finger before scooting down to put his mouth on your clit.

“ Kiri,” you keen, shoving your hips into his touch, frantically scrabbling for his wrist that’s on your chest just to have something to hold on to.  He’s done this before, he’s had to.  He’s too good.  Too fucking good.  Already there’s coiling in your gut as incomprehensible words tumble from your mouth.  “Shit.  Shit.  Kiri I’m--I’m gonna--”  He rumbles approvingly against your clit; the vibrations send you closer and closer to the edge and when it crests, your back arches near pain as you cry out, your voice echoing in the gym.  It’s deep, roaring through all of your limbs but  Kiri keeps going, fingers still pumping, tongue still swirling around your sensitive nub.

Another orgasm breaks over you sharp and quick and the overstimulation has your legs quaking as your arousal gushes over Kiri’s hand and tongue.  But then he’s moving again, and you’re blearily aware that he’s shoving his own shorts and boxers past his hips to free his cock.  You stare as it bounces back to sit near the planes of his stomach; it’s already leaking steadily with precum.  Kiri looks back at you and when your eyes meet, you dart your tongue out between your lips to wet them.  Another time, maybe.  

Kiri leans forward to lift you up and the closer you get you can barely see any red in his eyes; his pupils are blown, his nostrils flared as he lifts you like you weigh nothing .  He could snap you like a twig.  But he won’t.  You know without a doubt this is the safest you’ve ever felt, even as he lowers you slowly over his cock and it does feel like you’re being split .

“ Fuuuck…”  You wrap your legs around him, your mouth dropped open, your hands gripping his shoulders.  You try not to dig your nails in but it’s almost impossible with how you’re being filled.  You knew Kiri was big but this was almost too much.  His forehead drops to yours as he pants.  But he’s not moving, won’t move until you tell him to.  It makes your heart ache and your cunt floods, drunk on the affection thrumming through your veins.  You roll your hips experimentally and the friction is bliss.  “Oh fuck, ohfuck.”  You move again, pushing yourself up and back down, listening to the hitch in his breathing.  “ Kiri, please, ” you whisper.  Those words… they’re enough.

Kirishima grips you by the hips, his fingers splayed and digging into the flesh; it’ll leave bruises and the knowledge cracks through you like electricity.  Let him leave marks.  Let him leave them everywhere.  He’s moving you up and down his cock, grunting, mumbling.  “Tell me, Kiri, tell me.”  His eyes meet yours again and his own mouth drops open.

“Fuck, you’re so good.  S’ tight.  Jesus, I-- ” Kiri moves his hands from your hips to support you as he lays you down on the floor of the gym.  The idea should be questionable but it’s not, it’s fucking not and you can’t concentrate on any other thoughts when Kiri grabs your wrists and pins them gently above your head with one hand while the other comes back to your hip.  He thrusts into you at a brutal pace but… it feels like home and you think in that moment as your cunt begins to seize around his cock that you would give up forever to continue touching him.

“Yes, Kiri, yes.  Right there, right--shit yesyes yes. ”  He pistons up, the veins of his cock rubbing just right and when he releases the grip on your hands, they’re moving to wrap around him on instinct.  He’s planting kisses along your jaw, mouthing up to your lips and back down to graze his teeth over your pulse point.  “Do it, fuckin’ do it, let them know ‘m yours, ” you slur and when he bites down you crash over the edge on a groan that’s really more of a scream.  Everything goes black but you're cradling him to you as his movements become more erratic.  The snapping of his hips is getting sloppier by the second and a steady growl punches from his lungs with each breath.  “Cum, Kirishima, cum inside me.”

He’s never heard those words before and it lights a fire in his veins.  His head is buzzing and then he can’t hear anything as his cock releases and he’s spurting searing hot ropes of cum into your cunt.  He goes until you’ve milked every last drop from him and he’d be lying if he said his world didn't suddenly feel whole.  Finally, his body settles and his chest drops to yours.  Everything slowly bleeds back into focus and somehow, everything seems more colorful than it did moments before.  You’re still clinging to him.

“Kiri.  Kiri, babe, I can’t breathe,” you say and he slowly rises, taking in your blissed-out expression.  Your eyes can barely stay open, your cheeks are flushed.  He backs up to see his handiwork on display, hyper-focused on the trail of the mingling cum dripping from the mess of your sex.  But you’re smiling.  Lazy and tired, completely at ease.  “Wanna take a shower?”  When you nod he doesn’t hesitate in standing to kick his underwear and shorts the rest of the way off his legs and then he’s grabbing you, scooping you into his arms and against his chest.  He pads out of the gym and across the hall to his bathroom where he deposits you on your feet, only after he’s sure you can stand and only long enough to turn the shower head-on.

He puts his hand under the water, waiting for it to get warm.  Steam billows from behind the glass door when he’s turning back to you to remove your tank top and your sports bra.  Thank god you chose the front-closure one today; you didn’t think either one of you wanted to struggle to get one up over your head right now.  When your breasts spill out of the high-impact fabric, you notice with tender amusement that his cock is half-hard again.  His eyes go dark again and he leans in for a kiss.  But it's slow and sweet. 

"You're so fuckin' beautiful," he whispers.  He ignores his arousal, ushering you into the stream of water.  Your care is the only thing that matters to him right now.  The heat slides across your body, and when Kirishima steps up behind you and begins soaping up your shoulders, it feels like heaven .

You take turns washing each other until you’re both blissed out in a different kind of way and the only thing either one of you can think about is sleep.  But the afterglow is fading and doubt is creeping in.  When you step out of the water, you stand awkwardly as Kiri hands you a towel.  “You okay?”  He’s actually concerned and you can’t put your finger on why you’re so fucking grateful for it.

“Yea, just tired.  I should, uh, probably get going.”  Kiri freezes and you think you’ve said something wrong, already crossed a line.  Your brain is like a broken record as the stomach-curdling image of having to see him at the agency flashes across your eyes in vivid detail.  But then he’s stepping into your space and pulling you in for a hug.  A hug.

“Don’t go,” he whispers into the crown of your head and it has you smiling like an idiot against his chest.  His skin smells clean and warm with a hint of spice.  You bury your face further in as you nod against him.  Then he’s leading you to his room, to the king-sized bed.  He peels back the comforter and the white sheets and pulls you in beside him.  Your back is against him and he hooks his foot around your ankles, bringing you even closer.  

He doesn’t say anything more, just lets out a huge sigh as he wraps his arm around you.  The last thing you notice before your eyes flutter shut is how your heartbeats are thumping at the same steady rhythm.  

Late afternoon sunlight slants in Kirishima’s bedroom window, creating interesting patterns across his blanket.  It’s pushed towards the end of the bed, your legs intertwined and tangled in the sheets.  He’s still dozing, his breathing not quite that of someone sleeping but not of a person fully awake.  You reach out to cup his cheek, stroke above his eyebrows, caress his lips with your thumb.  A contented sigh leaves his chest as he grabs your hand and kisses your wrist.  His eyes are open now and he watches you.  You smile at him, snuggling closer, not wanting the moment to end.

“Hey,” he says quietly, suddenly serious.  “I just want you to know, I don’t do this all the time.  I mean, I’ve been with other people before but I don’t…  I don’t really hook up .”  Things start clicking into place as you realize what he’s trying to get across.  He just fucked you stupid in his personal gym and somehow he looks bashful.  And because you love it, you’re not going to help him along.  You just watch, biting your lip to keep from giggling.  “I just.  I guess what I’m trying to say is I like you.  I’ve liked you for a long time.  And normally I would have wined and dined you first but...  Well.  Here we are.  Would you like to stay for dinner?”

That’s the last straw; your laughter comes bubbling out of you and Kiri is leaning back to look at you with a quizzical expression on his face.  “Is something funny?”  That just makes you laugh a little harder but the confused look he’s wearing has you leaning in to press your lips against his.

“I’ve liked you from the first day I met you, Kiri.  I’ll one-up your offer and tell you that I might like to stay forever.”  A grin rips across his face and your heart blooms with warmth and affection.  The world seems full of possibilities but none of them matter except for the possibility laying right in front of you.