#which is like REALISTIC ig
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I love talking about Disco Elysium with others (esp my friends!), but by god. sometimes I take very real moral damage as we discuss the politics and future of the setting.
God it really is so dreary. All I want is to imagine these people in a better life, but how can you handle your own happiness in a shithole run by a political body that could wipe you out whenever? I can’t even come up with a feasible solution because HOW would you even REFORM the government like that!!! and I don’t typically delve into politics so my understanding is very limited!!
God nevermind the character analysis. Who is ever a good person in that game? Is it possible to be one completely in a setting like this? Racism in otherwise likable people, dont even get me started on our RCM cop colleagues...
But maybe thats just what this game is about! Confronting us with harsh reality that’s meant to be a mirror of real life. God I know the story is all ‘enjoy that youre alive, help your community, find little joys’ but does it matter if I do? Sure it helps in real life because youre not meant to burden yourself with things much bigger than you; but I just!!! argh!! I want to be able to help these little fictional people!!!! its so bleak and I feel so small!!!!
#what are !!!!!!! what#I rarely ever deal with media with problems significantly bigger than the protagonists#i mean i guess i do#but its rarely as unfulfilling as this game#which is like REALISTIC ig#but im BEING ATTACKED WITH PSYCHIC DAMAGE#disco elysium#i dont care this is poorly worded#i dont have the words or the understanding to communicate this effectively#i just want a little bit of relief really#who doesnt
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If there's one writing cliche in The Locked Tomb that peeves me, it's when characters casually bite their lips or cheeks so hard that they bleed.
#though i havent discounted the idea that tamsyn muir is somehow playing 4d chess with me#tlt as a whole is a “bubble” like harrow's river bubble in htn. with bendable and subvertable conventions#not like it matters i mean the characters literally have anime color eyes. the tridentarii have alexandria's genesis#it would make complete sense if muir decided to intentionally write in some cliches#but for whatever reason i find this one distracting. it's just a pet peeve whenever i see it in books#it's like the uncanny valley of realism--just realistic enough that everyone and their mother makes their characters do it to seem cool#but not so unrealistic that it feels like a fantasy element#which ig shows that i lack imagination#the locked tomb
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i just read a mlvn's answer to a "how do you think they'll deal with the will having feelings for mike storyline in s5" ask and they said they don't even think he'll get a proper coming out scene because the van scene served that purpose😭😭😭 yeah because god forbid mike finds out right
#they were also like i'm queer i love will positive representation needed but most importantly...REALISTIC representation🙏 the usual#also s5 will just be business it'll be action from the start no time for romance or something#i found myself reading that because someone made a post about tagging and about how you have to tag anti mileven not anti random nickname#and about cross tagging 'because a lot of pro-byler posts end up on the mlvn tag' and i swear that's not a thing#people have said this before and when they say this i'll go check but it's like...1 post in 20 maybe#which is still a lot ig but people will say stuff like MOST of the posts on the mileven tag are bylers and that's...really never true#but i get why people are confused because last year they campaigned for people to stop tagging anti mileven 'bc it shows up in the tag'#which is just...not true it'll show up when you search the word mileven without going to the tag sure but that's because you're supposed to#filter the anti mileven tag#anyway#anti mileven#<- being a good citizen because i said the entire word for once#and like i say: brf slt
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I haven't known peace since I started talking to men
#being a lil hoe was such a mistake bc now men are my only hobby but i don't want this anymore#i got too hot and i need to stop#i pull way too many hoes#no but this is actually a bit of a problem for me#i just want friends but virtually every man thinks I'm hot and funny so they aren't content with friendship#suffering from success ig#ik that sounds like such a bitchy thing to complain about but i am so serious#bc i have made very nice friendships that i cherished and valued. then once they realize they don't have a chance they stop talking to me#which is very hurtful#how can i make it so men aren't into me anymore but still enjoy me enough to be friends#honestly idc if they are into me as long as we can still be friends#like realistically bae is a good friend and yet we are both deeply into each other#whatever goodnight#Sera
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not to be sad on main but I miss my mom
#especially our phone calls#she always had some wry take on something that found a way to make me laugh#grief tag#may as well toss that in there#but yeah i just really wish i could talk with her right now#I'd feel a lot less crazy if i could just call her and joke about how weird my life is right now and beg for some advice#even if realistically I'd take about 23% of it and ignore the rest to her ire#I'd kill to hear her tell me that it'll be fine. just one more time wouldn’t be enough but I would still take that in a heartbeat#i just had my 25th birthday recently and it felt so empty to experience a milestone without her#i know it's not that big but it got me thinking about bigger milestones#and it all snowballed from there#my dad and i have also been having trouble since earlier this year for reasons relating to her passing which has thrown a wrench into things#i wish i could call my mom to ask her how she would really feel about it. or just bitch about the situation for a while.#as it is it feels like my only two options are to grin and bear it at a detriment to myself or to speak my mind and hurt the relationship#and while she may not have a simple answer ready for me she would still listen to me and emphasize with my point of view#while also pointing out when I've gone way off base and have misunderstood the situation#idk um. if you got this far thanks for reading my ramblings ig?#mumblings
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I did have a really hot dream last night and may have a new OC....we'll just have to see. Considering that the 'setting' was basically worldbox, that'd require either a new verse, or repurposing the old god verse which i need to revive anyways-
#ooc.#like. it was a lot more realistic/first person than the game's bird-eye view ofc#suggestive#but one of the.....sentient races had a ninja with a cyborg-esque head? looked like a motorcycle helmet#in fact i think it pretty much was a helmet#which is weird because him and his people were not futuristic. idk if they grow that far#anyways some lucky dude had sex w/ god ig???? yippee#i Think he was human but the dream wasn't clear which of the 4 races he was#human/elf/orc/dwarf#i mean. probably not a dwarf but jfgkkmdl
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Had a dream about mini black holes being on Earth… like just in varying places for some reason that nobody knows in this case. They were just… there. And surrounded by stars and essentially mini galaxies, they moved around but very slowly so they were just doing their own thing
The whole thing was genuinely more disturbing than any murderer chasing me dream I’ve ever had, I cannot describe the feelings it gave me
#shut up alli#oh and like btw people absolutely touched them and died#and like you didn’t SEE them get ripped apart but you know they did#spaghettified realistically. like they touched it and they were gone immediately#at some point I saw one of them spit out a mangled human arm#which doesn’t make sense i know bc that arm would just be reduced to nothing but ig it was just for the drama#AND IT WAS JUST AN UPSETTING DREAM LIKE BRAIN WHY DID YOU SHOW ME THAT????#i had to get it off my chest cuz like it’s bothering me JDKDKK anyway im researching black holes now#maybe i’ll do some character stuff with this concept#anyway uh the moral of the story is fuck my brain and space is scary lmao
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yk what if cesar does end up with a bowl cut i'll still love and accept them idc. crewdela wants me to hate him but i'm a cesar fan for LIFE 🔥🔥🔥🔥
#posts in a drainage system#i would like to say cesar having a bowl cut actually has really funny implications because#him wearing a bowl cut normally but not for his prom photo implies that either a) someone forced him to wear his hair different for prom#or b) he knows the bowl cut is shit and they wouldn't wear it to prom but they wear it the rest of the time anyway. king shit tbh#also the alternate who killed him looked at their dead body and was like. i'm not copying some bitch who wears a fuckin bowl cut .#so it went for the prom photo instead. which is hilarious#mark's only friend has bowl cut.#y'see what i'm gettin at here. boundless potential#anyways i love that if this is supposed to be the real cesar and not their alternate then their first official apperance is.#not only as a plushie and not in the actual series but also the very first piece of lore we get about him is that they have a bowl cut 💀#ig i should say. realistically i don't think they actually have a bowl cut. i think alex has a little more self respect than that#+ just by watching andrew's streams regardless of how funny it is he would not style his hair into a bowl cut every time cesar's onscreen#or maybe i'm in denial. which is probably equally likely#final note one time i had a dream where i met alex irl and i said hi to them and she basically told me to fuck off and walked away#so. i wonder if this is like. a manifestation of that. it might be at this point honestly who knows#idk i just think it's funny. they're still my scrimblo though
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How I sleep knowing Aloy is a lesbian and HZ3 will not have dating sim-like romance options
#if im wrong ill eat this post or whatever ig#i just think just bc games like ME and BG give branching romance pathways doesnt mean every rpg needs to...#especially as those games have a strong focus on player choice embedded in their design philosophy#and horizon has always been very much a linear story. its just open world#and aloys journey as a character and her relationships? also linear and predetermined. comeon#also unlike bioware and bg3 in horizon games you are not creating a player character. you are not projecting yourself you are empathising#i think it would be veery weird and out of place for guerrila to suddenly include a romace choice mechanic#even the way they allowed the player to choose not to kiss seyka in the dlc was a bit of a cop out i personally think#bc despite it being rather inconsequential and not negating the relationship they had developed nonetheless#it gives people a window to b like. heres how aloy x avad can still win jfhjdn#and outside fandom shipping spaces and in the real world. it gives just enough space for the cognitive dissonance#of ignoring aloys sexuality completely#they might still do it in the next game. or relegate a romantic storyline to a sidequest. which is FINE i guess#like of course i think it should be 70 hours of undeniable unskippable dykery. but realistically i just hope for hashtag gayloy confirmed <#this got away from me but bottom line i just think shipping has poisoned peoples brains and i hate it in this fandom especially
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biggest pet peeve is when i show someone my art and they decide to give their own input like “oh if i were you i would change this” and “i think you should’ve done this or that” like. who asked? i’m showing it to you because i’m proud of it idc if you think it’s trash because i “should’ve put more detail into the this aspect so that blah blah blah” don’t care + didn’t ask
#just something that aggregates me#esp bc this person (older sibling) seems to believe that they have more authority over it bc they’re older#like. dude. i know you *used to* draw but i literally have more experience since you dropped it years ago#plus they have a bit of a complex where they think that ‘more realistic’ = better#like. that’s not how the world works i can draw cartoons as much as i wish and i’ll still have skill#just bc some of my art doesn’t looks as realistic as you’d like doesn’t mean that it’s bad#like some of my more cartoon-ish work will have hours of work composing and formatting the style#esp when i’m feeling meticulous about line work#going off a bit on this person ig. they’re not that bad. the whole ‘realistic = better’ thing is v low key but i can tell#it stems from growing up together and both of us drawing#so there was always a bit of competition to be better and the difference is that i always get what i want and will work for it#like drawing in all of my free time. obsessively really. you do not want to know how many old sketchbooks i have#and they don’t put effort into things like i do. even though they think they’re a bit superior they drew less than half the time i did#though if we’re being honest i think it’s an extension of their inferiority complex which stems from the fact that i’m younger#but was always better at things than them (school mostly. like. started college at 15/16ish and skipped sooo many grades)#and bc of that i was more praised/more highly regarded (when i wasn’t acting batshit and being a menace)#though tbh they’re probably a more stable person than me u don’t have to choose artistic realism to be better#only one of us will be able to survive in the real world and it isn’t me lol#sorry for like. analyzing my sibling’s behavior in the tags. my bad#but tbh i could write essays dissecting their behavior. they’re easy to read to me. everything about them is easy to figure out
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#meg talks#ok so here’s my issue right.#well i have a billion issues rn and this one is rlly a non-issue but let’s distract ourselves for a moment sksnsnxnx#anyway. my issue is i like harrykim but also im so picky.#ig partly bc so much of it has them remain cops which is like. ok fair that’s more realistic#but dammit they should suffer for it SMSNSBDK#anyway there’s that but also like… and this is where it’s all me being subjective LOL#i think it’s cute seeing them be all happy and affectionate n all that#but also i have this specific itch that i never rlly know how to scratch#like how jean says that nobody gets married in revachol anymore#the idea of harry and kim existing in this more ambiguous space#where between kim’s reservations and harry’s problems and issues™️#and both of them feeling generally unsure about the future (both their own and that of the world)#and (ideally… maybe…) leaving the rcm and having to totally redefine themselves and how they see/interact w the world#the idea of them being like totally lost and not necessarily optimistic#but sticking together nonetheless#and maybe they’ll never rlly be able to define what they are or want to be to one another#and there might be certain gaps that never close#but the fact that they’re still sticking w one another despite all that is all the more proof that they love each other#like does that make any sense??!!?! i have no idea KSSHDKDH but god i wish i had time to sit and draw and write The Content
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fitz and molly are kinda cute, i still think their relationship in this trilogy is really bad but fitz is such a hopeless romantic he justs says the sweetest things...
#i dont like their scenes a lot because theres so many lies between them it bothers me#and they really only talk vapid stuff which ig is the point#that fitz loves her (partly) because she represents an easy calm life#and they are also too. realistic. as teens#it gets annoying#but then he says some insane romantic shit and i go <3 well you can have rights#rote reread
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Heyy
#i'm back after disapearing from tumblr (again🥲)#so uni was stressful#but i passed all my tests so far (well one i'm still waiting for the results but i did so well on it i could hardly have failed it)#i even did well 😁 got a b on the first one and a c on the 2nd one (which i'm happy with because quite a few failed and many d's)#(for the one i'm still expecting i should have at least get a C or i might even get a B or an A)#so yay#but my mental heath is always getting worse when i'm studying anyone else 🥲#like i do nothing else or feel like i can't do anything else often order food because i feel like i don't feel like i have time for cooking#and the anxiety i stress so much before the exam until the very moment i have it then i'm calm again😂#like it's whatever i can't do anything more now anyway so i might just do this#i then talk myself up i'm gonna do great on it because i studied well#but it still got better compared to when i was younger i still cooked some meals i saw my best friend during exam week#i also stay positive most of the times because generally i'm a very positive person but sometimes the nerves get to me still#also i find these study tiktoks or tumblr pages so funny the studying part with the clean desk and morning routines life together 😅#i feel like it's not realistic and putting so much pressure on you i kinda hate it#i mean you shouldn't give up on trying to be balanced and relaxed with studying but some amount if mess is normal i feel like#my desk always rather looks a mess when i study#but it's unnecessary pressure fr studying is not an aesthetic and it doesn't need to look like it#all that matters is that you pass your exam and staying in a positive headspace ig#anyway now it's over i'm happy and i have a life again after those 2 weeks#no tests until end of january#only the extra studying for the medicine entrance exam is still a lot🥲#besides i really love playing tennis so much lately this sport is everything to me :))#it helps my mental health so much it gives me so much motivation and makes me happy whenever i play#also my progress was so big this half year 🫶 more than over the course of the last years fr#i went from probably below average in my team to one of the good players#almost won a set against our best player it was close months ago i lost 2:6 i had no chance#everyone says i improved sm 🥹 and yeah this makes me proud bc i trained sm so i really earned it (also found a coach again)#and it's exciting bc i made it a challenge for myself of how far i can go and how fast i can improve#with quick improvement certainly a lot is possible and i love a good challenge 😄
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just found an old trope i used to absolutely despise reading for a certain character and needless to say the rage has not faded over the years :D
#wiggles overshares#vigilante deku my beloathed#why do they make a 13 yr old more competent than actual heroes#he is THIRTEEN and built like a TWIG he is not taking out fully grown adults w quirks you MORONS#i know it's an au and not meant to be realistic. this is why i avoid it like the plague.#sadly that's like 60% of all the quirkless deku fics which is a trope fhat is so interesting!!#when authors acrually explore the ramifications of it onto the story!! and don't just go 'on he gets into ua normally anyways'#rant#ig??#i am mad abt it but i can actually express it now
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sometimes i have the urge to try drawing nsfw stuff, but that's been just like. totally dashed by the fact that i got lambasted by an anon calling me a creep when i tried to draw an oc in their underwear,,
#vent#ig?#like. if im being honest i still dont feel like i was in the wrong for just.#having a round and cartoonish art style????#like ik i have been dabbling more in realistic proportions but that's like. with reference or with static poses?#and w quick/experimental stuff im still gonna use my simpler style#but apparently that makes my characters read as children to people so.#im just too anxious to ever try posting smth remotely suggestive again#ive considered going back to that piece to try and fiddle w the proportions but i just. cant really stand to look at it#which sucks cause i was actually really proud of it
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well this yuri sure is getting an education
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