#which makes me sad cause i love rp (obviously!!) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

doodlebloo · 3 years

Note

c!clingy duo headcanons :D (for the ask game)

Y E S. C!Clingyduo. I Am In My Element <3

(all /rp of course!)

A: Realistic

This is essentially Canon, though not many people talk about it: they want to room together so bad.

In canon, after New L'Manberg fell, Tubbo asked Tommy to come and live in Snowchester. Said he wanted him to be safe; Tommy didn't, because he was trying to heal and didn't want to get involved with all of Tubbo's nukes and such. After that, when Tommy asked Tubbo to come and fight Dream with him, he asked Tubbo to move in with him at the dirt shack; Tubbo didn't, because he said he couldn't just abandon Snowchester (nevermind that Tubbo left his dog at Tommy's house and stopped by daily.) After THAT, when Tommy was revived and Tubbo showed him the mansion, Tommy assumed it was for the two of them, immediately jumping to the conclusion that Tubbo had built it for the two of them to live in, "Our manor house!" and you could HEAR how much it hurt Tubbo to have to let him down, though he did tell Tommy he could have a room if he wanted.

All of what I've just said is literally CANON. This all HAPPENED. And we never talk about it, which is why it bothers me so much when c!beeduo fics have cRanboo move in with Tubbo but never even mention cTommy... Like I'm not saying cTommy wouldn't also want to have his own house away from cTubbo just to have his own space/privacy and I'm not saying cRanboo wouldn't want to move in with cTubbo, but I am saying that I think we need to talk more about how obviously cClingyduo want to live together, or at least live close by (which makes sense, because they're used to having each other close because of L'Manberg. This physical distance is new to them, and they don't like it, and they very clearly want to share a home together, whether that be a country or a commune or even sharing a house.)

B: Funny

Clingyduo are completely incapable of shutting up if they're within eyesight if each other. They will find a way to talk no matter what: verbally, via communicator, through punches on arms and nudging of shoulders. It's not uncommon for them to make each other laugh just through facial expressions alone, or for them to seemingly reach a decision only through eye contact. Sometimes they don't seem to communicate at all, they'll just both know what the other is thinking immediately, like they share a brain. When cRanboo first arrived, Tommy had him convinced he and Tubbo were twins and had telepathic powers, but Tubbo eventually had to break the news to cRanboo after cRanboo suggested Tubbo just read Tommy's thoughts to see if he was guilty of burning George's house. (cRanboo still wonders if they have telepathy sometimes, though.)

C: Sad

Whenever Tommy gets himself into "legal trouble," he always calls out for Big Law, for a few reasons.

Obviously, because he misses it. He and Tubbo haven't scammed anyone since before the disc finale (they had a very funny bit scamming cRanboo), and Tommy wishes they were able to do that again, but it also scares him that they don't. He wants things to be simple enough for Tubbo to play into his alter egos and for Tommy to cause a ruckus without worrying someone will kill him for it. Tommy worries that he and Tubbo have grown apart too far, that he's ruined things beyond fixing them and he'll never have his best friend back. But on top of that, it really worries Tommy that Tubbo has seemingly abandoned all of his alter egos and old hobbies. He used to love the study of law, used to love history and archiving every bit of it he could like he was making a scrapbook, used to beekeep and farm and teach himself new songs...

Tommy knows that Big Law isn't going to come when he calls, but it makes him feel better just to try, because he feels like it'd be really good for him and Tubbo both if they were able to start having adventures and causing mischief again.

D: Unrealistic

The family dynamic goes like this:

Phil has Wilbur, his son. By the time Wilbur is 14-ish, he declares that he can handle himself, starts running off and having adventures, and Phil believes him. Phil flies off on adventures of his own with Technoblade, another immortal. Technoblade and Wilbur meet several times, but never live together. As Wilbur ages, Phil is around less and less, though he's always kind and warm when he is around.

Wilbur finds a boy on his adventures - that'd be Tommy. Tommy is loud and bright and Wilbur sees a lot of potential in him, so he decides that this random orphan is his brother and drags him around the land stealing and scheming and generally causing trouble, though Tommy is only about 8 and Wilbur is around 17 (tentative ages).

Phil is the one who finds Tubbo, sitting in a box on the side of the road. He's a bit feral, really. What Phil gets out of him is that he lives on his own, has since around age 5. He learned through trial and error how to forage for berries and steal from vendors and charm his way into the hearts of old ladies with fresh bread, but every day he comes to sit in his box and wait for a bit, because that's the last thing he'd ever been told to do by an adult: wait here. Tubbo doesn't know what he's waiting for, but he finds it anyway when Phil takes him home.

Phil doesn't find out about Tommy until Tommy turns 9, and he doesn't meet him in person until he's 10. Wilbur and Tommy come to visit Phil, who has been doing his best to raise Tubbo over the last two years. Tubbo is strange and won't really talk and will go out of his way to do things himself instead of letting Phil do things for him, so eventually Phil just sort of leaves him to his own devices and only offers much help if Tubbo asks or really needs it.

When Wilbur and Tommy come for a visit, it takes about two hours before Tommy and Tubbo latch onto each other. Phil can't believe how much Tubbo starts talking, ranting at a mile a minute and smiling more than Phil has ever seen and Tommy actually gets him to laugh, so when Tommy announces at dinner that he and Wilbur are taking Tubbo with them, Phil doesn't argue.

(Wilbur doesn't remember agreeing to that, doesn't really consider Tubbo to actually be his brother, but Tommy is insistent and the kid seems smart and Wilbur could always use another pair of hands, so he ends up giving in.)

Tommy and Tubbo grow up together, server hopping with Wilbur, never spending more than a few days apart. Exile is the longest they've gone without seeing each other since they've met, and Manberg is the first time they've ever been intentionally kept apart by someone; You can imagine why they hadn't dealt with it well.

#the last one is hardly c!clingyduo but shrug what are ya gonna do yk #thank you for the ask! :)#asks

33 notes · View notes

fragranceman · 3 years

Text

what makes the dsmp’s story stand out

Why the dsmp is so special and why it distinguishes itself amongst the insane amount of media that we could be consuming instead right now.

So basically, this is really obvious and simple and i think we all kinda know it without thinking about it but i still felt like writing it down because it’s super important to me.

The thing that makes this story stand out amongst so many others (apart from the fact that it’s a mc rp lmao) is that all the character’s are treated like people. What i mean by that is that they can’t be treated simply as ways to further the plot, they can’t just kill off characters in favor of contributing to some other character’s arc, they can’t have stuff like “manic pixie dream girls”. and that’s because each character IS a real person, if they tried that, if someone suggested that stuff someone in the discord call is gonna go “hey, what the fuck man, you can’t just kill me off like that”.

Each character is therefore special, none of them can be 2d because they are people, they all exist as people instead of being plot devices. There aren’t any extras (except arguably the guests like drista, lil nas x, etc) there aren’t really any side characters*, because it’s everyone’s story, all the characters have someone sitting there that actually care about them and are interested in making that character special, they won’t be neglected.

that’s also why, often the characters just… don’t fit in tropes. they don’t really exist the way normal character’s do, they don’t have this “purpose” that movie or books characters do, like hero, trainer, soft character that teaches the main character about love, comic-relief, or love-interests that’s only there for 3 chapters because they die for the mc to teach them about grief.

They’re only there as, themselves. They don’t fit in one trope because people don’t do that, there’s more to them then that, they’re complex. they’re closer, more similar to real people than anything that’s been made in a really long time, and that’s because they all have a person to take care of their little character.

there was this really cool thinking written by @/mt-words which i’ll link here about techno not fitting in a trope and that possibly fucking with people’s expectation of his characters. i think the idea that we’re so used to getting the same tropes regurgitated back to us over and over again that we don’t know how to handle stuff that doesn’t fit in them is very funny (and also a bit sad). Like, has media really become THIS repetitive and unoriginal??? But i digress.

anyway, time for quick examples, i was watching the “healthy competition” stream from 07/26 and i noticed something cool. So basically c!wilbur asks c!ranboo to ”pick his brain” and then asks him a bunch of questions about his morals and they discuss his alignments and other similar stuff right? And we can see clearly that c!wilbur is completely baffled at the stuff c!ranboo is saying about him not disliking anyone and not really having any strong stances at all. he just genuinely doesn’t understand c!ranboo and can’t relate at all.

Yet 10 mins later, he’s pouring his heart out to him and more importantly he’s talking about how he feels like c!ranboo really gets him. Obviously they are super similar in lots of ways, like their paranoia and anxiety, how they’re both kinda people pleasers, etc.

the fact that they can be in complete agreement on a topic and be so similar in certain aspects while also being complete opposites and being genuinely confused at the stuff that’s coming out of the other’s mouth on other topics really shows how multifaceted the character’s are, how 3d and real they feel.

I’m going to be adding another example from a post i just read by @/shrugofmud here it is :). It’s basically about how c!jack and ghostbur are cool because they balance comedy and drama. I’m gonna talk more about c!jack here. basically he’s comedic relief and he leans into that role right? but he’s also so much more than that, the way he balances the jokes and the clear comedy of his plotline with the sadness and loneliest he clearly feels and let’s that seep through in his jokes. He’s more than one thing, he’s more than comedic-relief, he copes with humor and covers his desire for a sense of belonging and to be heard by a bitter hatred and desire for revenge on c!tommy.

They’re more than just one thing, they aren’t reduced to a trope or a key personality trait the way characters often are. there’s so much to them, different parts of their personality that work together to make a whole, like a person :)

I also believe this is why the fandom as so much character analysis material and just keeps going, but it’s also why there’s so much disagreement on the characters and their personalities, like “oh people are villanizing c!wilbur too much” or “people are reducing c!niki to her villain arc and turning it into a ‘girlboss moment’” or “people are making c!tubbo too soft”. the character’s are harder to write into fanfic properly or analyze because you have to take into account all the different subtleties of them.

some people chose to focus on certain aspects of the characters, aspects they find more interesting or aspects they relate to, while other’s chose to focus on other aspects, which causes a bit of confusion.

It’s what makes this story so original and cool to think about and make the character’s so fucking compelling. It’s what makes me sit down for 6 hours straight and watch VODs so i can better understand different characters, it’s what makes me excited for each lore stream. it’s how human they are, how real they feel.

And this is why i’m the biggest believer and will always push for STUFF CAN BE TWO THINGS!!

85 notes · View notes

ruby-whistler · 3 years

Note

Alright curious anon here. All this is /dsmp /rp from here on out unless otherwise specified and is refering to characters. If i make any mistakes or am misinformed please let me know! So by the cat was nothing compared to mushroom henry i was meaning more toward the fact that the cow was killed as a punishment for something not worth or ok for it to be killed for at all and the fact that it belonged to tommy, wheareas the cat was killed more to annoy dream and belonged to tommy. (1/?)

alright then another lengthy reply, here i come! /lh /dsmp /rp

Dream also did not seem to mourn the cat much, shrugging it off with a "just more motivation to break out".

it was killed to hurt dream, not to "annoy him". it doesn't matter who it belonged to, c!dream was attached to it and it died, which had an effect on him and also further proved his point about attachments being weakness and caring getting you hurt, and it's still very sad.

you say that it was not ok at all to kill mooshroom henry, but the cat's death wasn't ok either, so i really don't see your point.

again, i disagree it was "nothing compared to" either way. i never meant to compare them in the first place, i was simply talking about the cat and c!dream so i don't see why it is in any way necessary to drag c!tommy and other dead pets into this. /nm

also, it isn't true he didn't mourn it. he is a very reserved person who doesn't show his feelings much, that's true, but the cat death still changed the way he acted afterwards, as well as the attempts he made to prevent it. he didn't "shrug it off", he yelled about it because he was understandably upset.

You mentioned that propganda was used to make dream seem like a tyrant, could you specify a bjt? Cus im a little confused srry /gen. Because the most i can remember from the lmanburg era at least is him being called a b'tch or other similar insults. You also mentioned how trauma responses can be differet which is true! I agree! Do you have any ideas to what caused dream the trauma?

wilbur would continuously make him out to be some sort of oppressive, tyrannical force, in front of his troops - a prime example of this being the lyrics of the l'manberg anthem itself and the l'manberg declaration of independence.

actually! here's a nice thread about l'manberg's establishment complete with links, timestamps and evidence :]

i also said in my previous post what could've possibly caused it, but since the character intentionally hides his emotions from the public, it would be difficult to see how things really affected him - which is why the way his spiral went is the majority of the evidence that would imply it, however it does make sense within the story as well with what i mentioned last time.

I would like to note that for sapnap at least had reason to leave dream. Some examples off the top of my head are dream leading an angry fundy to sapnap's pets on purpose, resulting in some deaths, dream assisting tommy in burning down sapnap's effiel tower where he got engaged to karl, and dream giving tommy either mars or the other fish at the battle of the lake. Idk about george tho other then the whole mexican lmanburg/el rapids thing and decrowning him

c!sapnap was actually at fault for most of this, and it wasn't really ever betrayal on c!dream's part.

c!dream is a mediator and he wants to stop everyone's conflict - c!fundy was angry because of c!sapnap's actions, and hence it made more sense for c!dream to centre him on c!sapnap's animals instead of running around killing everyone's pets (at that time, all c!dream knew was c!sapnap did something really bad and c!fundy wanted beckerson / mars from him, which were also his and c!george's fish).

c!sapnap was an instigator, and in multiple conflicts during the time as well as before he'd align himself against c!dream. he isn't "loyal" per se, he causes chaos and the reason c!dream helped c!tommy was because, c!sapnap, again, killed his pet. the first l'manberg war and then the 16th are signs of the fact that c!dream and c!sapnap were willing to fight together in actual war, but these small conflicts where c!sapnap continuously picked fights weren't about personal loyalty, nor did they seem to affect their relationship at all.

c!george was never really hurt by c!dream either. the dethronement was him very obviously being a guilt-trippy drama queen, but, well, that's just the character. he had stolen the l'mantree while he was supposed to be the diplomatic figure of the greater smp, which is why c!dream was justified in - very politely, may i mention - taking the duties off of him (seeing as he was also trying to keep him safe and c!techno had already assassinated him once).

Im pretty sure i remember cc!sam stating that his character never canonically physically tortured dream during his subathon but take this with a grain of salt as i am looking for the clip currently. So to the best of my knowledge dream did not have a physical contact trigger during tommy's visit which! I rewatched the vod and dream actually was first to hit tommy and i can give you my full writing downs but 10/12 of the phy-

you never finished this point because you had to go do something, but i'll reply to what is here at the moment (i suggest writing these down before sending next time, or even writing them out wholly before sending a single one could help avoid stuff like this).

i am 95% sure that the reason cc!sam stated this was because people were suspicious he had already been doing what c!quackity was doing after - torture within the storyline itself is associated pretty much only with what c!quackity is doing, so that's what he meant, just to clear up confusion - the starvation or terrible conditions haven't been retconned, but it was direct torture (like c!quackity is doing) people were asking him about.

i never said c!dream had a physical contact trigger at all, i don't think he had that, though he probably will after the torture.

huh, ok, i'm gonna have to rewatch then, but i remember c!tommy punching c!dream a lot and him just telling him to stop and only punching back to get him to stop. trigger or not, getting hit isn't very pleasant, if you know what i mean.

You mentioned tommy stealing dream's armor unprovoked. Do you have the vod or a general idea of the time so i can find it? Like before lmanburg after another event so and so because if you do not have it i can find it but any help is appreciated.

i am pretty sure you can find the video on cc!tommy's channel! there are also recaps of the disc war on youtube :]

I wanna talk a little on why the Final Control Room was so messed up. For starters, with the way the room was designed. It was small, and had labeled, empty chests with each person's name on them as a mockery. The next reason is that its bascially a kill box.

It's fairly inescapble with the stairs being ones you have to jump up, slowing anyone who climbs them down. The final reason it is messed up is that it is shown to have caused every person who died in it trauma. With tommy there are several examples, the time he saw it with techno, the way he refuses to go near it, the exposure trauma, etc. Fundy also appears to have trauma, as when the Red Banquet executions began, it can be seen as him being afraid of dying last again.

It can Be thought as tubbo having trauma because he buries most of his issues and pretends to be ok. Moreover this event took at least one of each person's canon lives, making it the most canon lives lost EVER in a dream smp event. (This is not hate on any of the ccs btw i loved this scene and its one of my personal favorites). Plus the fact Eret's betrayal just literally happened, giving at least Tommy and Wilbur canonic trust issues.

i wouldn't call the chests mockery? it was a trap. people had traps on the smp before. it was a trap in the middle of war, supposed to end said war by killing them all at once rather than individually which would be a lot more bloody and difficult.

i agree c!tommy and other people might have post-war trauma, especially if they were young during the time, but i think that's because the final control room was "messed up", moreso because the war itself was. it all happened fairly instantly as well? i don't think c!fundy would be able to realize he was the last one standing within the two second before he wasn't.

it "can be thought" and it can be interpreted like that but besides c!tommy there isn't much evidence for them "all" being traumatized by the final control room. of course betrayal would spark trust issues, i understand that.

The probation was humiliating in my opinion because dream was Sending tommy anatgonizing messages through out the whole meeting, plus he had to write a review of his day every single day, which fundy mocked him for.

i mean, it was definitely a strike to his pride, but he was being extremely uncooperative so i don't really blame the other members of new l'manberg trying to teach him to listen for once? of course i know c!dream was riling him up, and that should definitely be considered. i don't think it would be as humiliating if c!tommy didn't make it, is what i'm saying.

for the tommy being toxic to fundy? At least for the examples you gave, to me personally they come acoross as either in a meta way being the cc's bantering or in canon being the characters having banter. If you can send the post with the clips so i can read the tone better that would be cool but if not i will try and find em.

no, these were all in canon. canon isn't only when c!tommy is being nice, it's also when he's being a jerk. /lh

the first one was him threatening c!fundy about kicking him out of l'manberg and undermining his self-worth, and the second one was him trying to get c!sapnap to vote for them via bullying c!fundy.

i found these from a transcript focusing on c!fundy's character, so i don't know exactly where the first one is from, but the second one i am pretty sure is from when the elections were starting with the whole cabinet battle deal and all of that.

there are other instances, and all of them are canon. his personality was never being nice or compassionate, so i'm not really surprised? he still cares about the people he cares about and is very brave, y'know. but this part of his personality is definitely a valid reason for people to dislike him.

I hope the exam went well :). Hope u have a great day! (Ps i think theres something called a submission box to send in pictures? Am not entirely sure sry)

it would've gone well but my work-speed is a tad too slow for the schooling system (considering i'm three years younger than my classmates,,, probably that's also a factor) so probably not despite the fact i knew everything and would've aced it if i only had more time. i did as well as i could so i'm not worried about it, but thanks!

i think you're thinking submissions. sadly, i tested it and it doesn't work on anons, so idk how you'd solve that, maybe make a burner account?

Curious anon here one point you may wanna include in the redemption essay is that c!tubbo or c!tommy do not necessarily have to forgive him. What's important is that he recognizes what he did was wrong (exile, beating tommy to death, manipulating them both, etc) and does his best to make amends. Hope this helps! Can't wait to see your essay

it's out, idk if you've seen it yet, and i think i included enough of that so hope it's all good! :)

the mcc update video is out if you are an mcc enjoyer. It's very neat, if you wanna check it out

yeah! i am a fellow mcc enjoyer, saw it already, thanks for telling me though, i'm really hype for today.

Allo curious anon here sorry if the lots of asks bother you. I was just curious if i could share an interesting post i saw today about c!dream :0 (not necessarily negative i think? More of a statement of an often-confused canon)

sure thing! i don't know what you mean by often-confused since, the entire fanbase is very confused always, and often selection bias plays into the perception from both sides, but sure :]

you also sent in a thing for the other anon who said they didn't know what c!dream did that bad; pretty sure they couldn't really be alerted since, not sure if they watch my blog that closely, but i'll summarize your points just in case and add some notes;

the repeated blowing up of l'manberg (in my mind that's largely a positive since i,, despise that country, but fair enough), revealed c!ranboo as a traitor (they seem to be friends so i also,, think that might've been planned between him and enderboo), sent ghostbur away (i don't think c!dream knew it was dangerous for him and wanted to actually hurt him, but idk), participated in fighting against c!sapnap when he killed people's pets (that's only negative against c!sapnap and didn't seem to hurt him much at all), and then the whole vault scene where he was allegedly planning to steal people's things (though saying he would & being stopped beforehand and doing it are two different things, frankly).

so i still agree with the other anon that a lot of the hurt he did "to the entire server" (he only negatively interacted with like,, a half of them) is exaggerated both by the characters and the fandom, but i guess that's a consequence of most people seeing him as a threat to everyone's happiness rather than a complex personality.

Also he was aware of the butcher army going to kill techno but only got involved because he saw an opportunity to get a favor. (As he knew in advance due to him telling techno to get a totem, watching from afar instead of interveing or manipulating tubbo out of it)

i don't understand this at all, i'm sorry. how do you know he only helped techno in order to get a favor? last i remember he was only doing it to protect and strengthen his alliance, and techno came up with the whole favor thing entirely on his own. you might've not watched techno's perspective or their prior interactions, idk, but this really is a misinterpretation in my eyes. /nm

sorry if that is overly dream negative i just wanted to let yall know cus you seemed unaware -curious anon

nah dw, i watch the smp and i watched all of these things happen so, wouldn't say unaware, but thanks.

#long post #my asks #curious anon #tw torture #tw animal death #c!dream negativity in asks #nothing aggressive though #so safe to read

81 notes · View notes

sapphire-innit · 3 years

Text

MD is a trip in SO many ways lmao

HI!! So it's been a while but I was feeling sad about some minecraft boys and it finally kickstarted me enough energy to do this again. For those who haven’t seen this before everything is tagged “dream smp liveblog” if you wanna look back.

I was thinking about rewatching some of the exile vods again to get back into the right headspace but honestly I’m gonna ride this wave while I can and jump right back into it. Maybe when I catch up fully I’ll go back and watch them all in a marathon and see how much I can make myself cry, who knows

Intro out of the way here we go! VOD: Tommy Speaks to Mexican Dream in Exile

(rp): oh man I forgot how fucked up his skin was…. And hes drowning again

He’s also lashing out at people in chat and then pulling back “Ranboo: are you alright man” ahhh buddy YOU KNOW HES NOT

….You know. Some of the Dread HAS faded but it STILL sucks when Dream logs in.

“And Tubbo hasnt spoke to me…” :(

But hes still trying!!! Hes gonna make a path!!

Lol what is this melon monstrosity lol the youtube praise Tommy just screamed lmaoo

….Dream YOU can get out of VC 2 fuck off

….just the casual “oh yeah sorry” while he blows up the armor….

“DId anyone come to see you while I was gone” I see you, you obsessive fucker

“Weve become better friends” :/

HI MEXICAN DREAM WHAT AN INTRO THEYRE JUST STARING AT HIM LMAO

Yes BULLY HIM MD BULLY HIM

“WHICH ONES HOTTER” cursed cursed cursed

Lol the tone is so absurd Im having a good time

cc!Dream taking the time to pinpoint the particular restaurant its from lmaoo this man is funny

Lol Mexican Dream just chasing Dream away with Spanish YEAH GET EM MD

Tommys so excited to have someone who might live with him omg

“Borderline my owner” ….

…,,,look I just needed a short hand ok Mexican Dream is too long to type lol

,,,,,I dont know how to process Mamacita asdfsdfsd

SOMEHOW GOT MORE CURSED

Cant believe this is canon lore because it gets. SAD?? What is happening right now

This must have been a great tension breaker for people watching live though. A Nice break. Honestly I have mixed feelings about this being my first stream back lol

…..what are those maps huh? Old Memories huh? Tommy seems actually a bit embarrassed lmao

TUBBO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TUBBO!!!!!

Asfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdfds these fuckign pictures jesus omg

Somehow this would be more sad if Tommy wasn't blowing out his mic fake crying lmao

…..hey fuck girl Dream though

Is girl Dream canonically Dream or a different character?

“You two are the happiest couple I know” … F for the dream smp where no relationship survives lol Love is Dead

….my heart was racing while Tommy was hiding the rest of the Tubbo pictures…

“Not on my stream you better not!” afdsfdsfsdfsd

Rip Mexican Dream lol Quackity dies to mobs a lot doesn’t he

………..I just got the walls joke F F F

……hi Dream you fucker

HEY BITCH, HEY BITCH BOY!!! YEEEEE TOMMY GET HIM

….. This is why Dream kills MD isn’t it

OUCH DIRECTLY AFTER THAT

MEXICAN DREAM DID JUST JUMP IN FRONT OF TOMMY JEEZ

….. Welp this is turning serious, Tommy is literally trying to distract Dream from chasing MD

The fucking decapitation joke asdfsdfsdf

OH MD WITH THE REAL GEAR!!!

….well that was short lived. As was Mexican Dream, Rest in Pieces I guess

“That was my last friend on the server. And that was his last death” “.......” “WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TODAY ~ :D”

“I never thought I’d see the day where Mexican Dream is canonically dead”

….. The serious tone is back for sure ….. Its staring into lava and gaslighting time

Literally just killed his friend and Dream already getting Tommy to say they’re friends…

“He died of a drug overdose” “I watched you kill him” “Noo he died of natural causes” >:(

cc!Tommy really canonizing this just to twist the knife

...hes just standing in the fire :(

………begging him for company.. “I don’t think I have very long left” …….

At least Drista will be fun?

“Its fine, its really his rules now” “After tomorrow, then I think its over”.... This is the pillar isn’t it. The pillar is happening soon

“Tommy can you stop going insane please?” - FUNDY PLS LMAO

Strange interlude with Lazar… obviously Tommy is lashing out but I also feel like there is a bit of back-handedness to his interactions as well. Maybe the only one ACTUALLY only reaching out because of pity..?

Well that was a strange and oddly sad interlude. The middle was just the wildest of rides, but the end still managed to ground it back, mostly. 13 did NOT HURT in that regard honestly lol. I feel like I’ve definitely lost some momentum by splitting things up like this -- my recommendation to anyone watching is Definitely to shotgun it if you can do so safely. Its such a well written arc, even and up to including silly streams like this, and its a shame not to have watched it all at once.

STILL! Looking forward to seeing Drista, that little chaos godling has grown on me quite a bit, not least of all BECAUSE she’s a chas godling with creative mode lol. I’ve also heard thats the other “break” exile stream, so probably a bit more lighthearted (not least of all bc idk how much Drista the person actually knows and or cares about her brother’s block game role play canon lmao)

#dream smp liveblog #dsmp season 2 #dsmp exile arc #tommyinnit #mexican dream #dsmp mamacita #dream smp #abuse tw #gaslighting tw

28 notes · View notes

savior-negan · 3 years

Note

3, 7 and 26 for the honest meme 😊

To be honest meme {accepting} @thesongbiird

3. What current rp trend do you hate?

Using so many different fonts in one post that you can’t even read it anymore 😤 I don’t have problems with paying attention or reading but I need structure otherwise it gets just too exhausting to read.

7. What’s your opinion on call out posts?

I guess everyone claims hating it but I don’t even hate it I just don’t understand the need of it (unless it’s really something severely criminal). Same with hate comments on social media. I never understood the reason why people use their precious time, the only thing we can’t buy and will never get back, for someone they don’t like. For me that’s just proving they have a very boring or lonely life if they focus so much on taking revenge or “exposing” someone because they got hurt. If I would make call out posts about everyone that hurt me I wouldn’t even be able to write anymore 🤣 just move on. (But of course I appreciate when my partners privately warn me about someone who did bad things or who gave them a bad experience cause I know they wanna protect me and that’s a lovely gesture as long as they don’t force me to do a certain thing about it - so thanks again who ever did that for me ♥︎. I’d do the same thing when I know they are sensitive or get dragged into something. That’s what friends are for. But everyone should make their own decisions.) we all wanna enjoy this hobby and not read so much hate when there’s enough in the world already.

26. How do you feel about vague posting?

Childish behavior (it reminds me of times where I was 16 and shared all my moods or sad lyrics on MySpace and Facebook to get attention 🤣 updating it three times a day. Why, young me? Why?) but also super sad to watch. These people just seek attention (and it’s common on every social media platform; just think about all the sad quotes on Instagram after a breakup so people ask about it) and want people to ask them who they are talking about so they can justify their shit talk then or want their feelings to be evaluated so they feel justified having them, which you should never need from outside but give to yourself. If you’re that desperate you should better stay off of social media cause it obviously isn’t for you when you’re not able to solve your problems on your own in privacy or face to face and need social media for it. My problems are my problems and this is a hobby not a mental hospital, I won’t drag others into it. Your feelings are valid but vague posting doesn’t bring you the hoped relief or revenge, trust me. It can just get annoying for others to read.

#ooc #𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 {𝘮𝘺 𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘭}

2 notes · View notes

darlington-v · 3 years

Note

Bro yeah... the transmasc friendship longing... its like yeah... I feel like its the youth vibes I should have had... and like, I look back on stuff I used to watch and how I felt about people around me... and like... the same wish and envy has always been there. Which like makes me feel a bit better cause its not JUST beeduo to give me the feelings...

Yeah... I just wanna be a bro who hangs with my bros...

You can like ignore this if you want, it just more of me being /same...

OK SO THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY INBOX FOR A HOT MINUTE BUT YEAH

U GET IT ANON.

and yeah same i had the same reaction to like sasuke and naruto as like uhh genins, and theyre like Anime Bitches

and then i've had the same reaction to eddie n richie from IT in the 2017 film so like

i know it's not JUST beeduo but damn i still get sad when i watch them sometimes lmfao

but it's alright i mean something that can bring me comfort is like!! honestly??? fiction exists for a reason, and you can totally just.... explore things you may miss out on THROUGH fiction. and that's like a comfort. like sometimes things aren't ideal because of the cards we're dealt and that's okay! bc idk sometimes the missing cards meant more experiences that make me, me.

i was thinking about this in the car about like how. i think to myself sometimes like wow i wish i had the childhood a cis gay man would have had because i know?? a lot of like.... things ive missed out on childhood are important to me and i wish i had those experiences sometimes.

BUT ALSO??? IF I WAS A CIS GAY MAN IDK. IDK IM GLAD IM A TRANSMASC NONBINARY PERSON DUDE. like cis men are great and wonderful and i genuinely love them!! but im glad i have.... the experience of being raised "female" so to speak. like maybe i didn't have like???? the experiences i sometimes may YEARN- this is so far unrelated to bee duo bc im getting into like being a queer cis boy, and like??? idk if they're queer! maybe! it's not my business and it's not anyones but im not putting any type of labels on these guys bc its not my job nor my business like i said

BUT. BEE DUO R SLIGHTLY RELATED TO ME GOING AWW MAN WISH I WAS A CIS BOY WHO WAS KINDA FRUITY W/ MY HOMIES SOMETIMES

BUT ANYWAYS.

I MAY YEARN FOR THAT SOMETIMES but also if i was cis i think i'd not be as privy to somethings i am now? like idk! like, the male experience is vastly different from the female experience, and [this is applicable to childhood largely as our society functions on a binary in terms of gender, and only recently has it become more often that parents may raise their kids aware of gender and shit like that.] so i'm not talking about adulthood being confined to a binary, but our childhoods (at least in the US) mostly are. like typically by adulthood if you're queer you have an idea or you know and you have the freedom to explore that and experiment with it. like thats not to say by adulthood the female and male experience are the same either, it's just to say usually by adulthood it's not just a narrow binary. like maybe??? in childhood it can be more broad be depending on how you were raised, but most people are raised... with a binary.

ANYWAYS. THEYRE BOTH DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES. AND THOUGH I MAY LAMENT ON THINGS I'VE MISSED, I THINK THE EXPERIENCES I HAVE NOW HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO WHO I AM TODAY, AND OVERALL, I LIKE WHO I AM TODAY. especially MUCH more than like. how much i'd be willing to SACRIFICE that for like... a cis boy experience.

like i wouldnt be able to, obviously, but with that knowledge i don't have to lament it all the time. especially when, like i said, i can just... explore that experience in fiction. and if you really wanted to like, you could definitely RP something similar with your friends! because its a fun and cool way to explore shit in fiction!

RP and fiction is cool, it can be a healthy tool for people who have been robbed of experiences or simply have missed experiences and lament that to explore.... said experience.

TLDR;

YEAH ME TOO, BUT A PIECE OF COMFORT I HAVE IS THAT EVEN THO I CANT HAVE THOSE EXPERIENCES, THE EXPERIENCES I HAVE NOW HAVE MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY AND I CAN ALWAYS JUST. WRITE SOME FICTION OR RP SOME OF THOSE EXPERIENCES IF I RLY WANTED TO

#asks #anon #vent cw #i guess its really not #im kind of just being open with my experience with gender #but it is personal #prince is a fahjay #there we go #now i have a tag about being gay #long post #personal #theres another tag for other personal shit i guess #trans achilleans getting sent into queer crises by bee duo squad

7 notes · View notes

tricksterreformed-a · 4 years

Text

✩ INTERVIEW WITH THE MUN ✩

➊ How many ships do you have on this blog?

I don’t know, let’s count! I’ve been writing some super fun GabrielxBobby stuff with @multimuse-rp, and that good (complicated) GabrielxDean shit with @awaywardboy-andhisangel and actually... that’s all the canonxcanon ship stuff I’m writing right now for some reason. But that’s not all the ships! Fulfilling a years long dream (for me) @daedaluscried and I are writing GabrielxAri and she has also indulged some excellet (unrequited) GabrielxEve content, @thxwxlf and I have dabbled in some GabrielxKekipi, and @inferniangod has been kind enough to write GabrielxIfrit with me.

I’ve discussed, but not actually written GabrielxSam with @smmie, and I think @hellsmother and I are on track to write some GabrielxRowena (but if I’m not sure I should probably check, whoops). So that’s six total, eight if you count these last two. Plus a handful of others where Gabriel is just flirting at people and waiting to see what happens. Nothing has to happen, he’s just like that. But something could happen with any of them.

➋ Have you ever roleplayed with someone that just left an unforgettable impression on you?

Of course! I’ve been doing this for 10+ years and people have made all kinds of impressions, some amazingly good and others downright awful. I can roll through some nicknames/first names only and proably only Anti will know who I’m talking about because a lot of them are from our shared history on gaiaonline! I could go on and on about every single one of these people but here’s a quick ‘n dirty list instead: Noir, Kathy, Mariah, Moose, Lyss, Berry, and @daedaluscried! I’m still occasionally in touch with three of these people (one more often than the other two) which I think is kind of wild all things considered. There’s also some not so good impressions, like guy-who-started-nice-and-then-harassed-me-for-nude-pics and the-person-who-broke-my-trust-and-caused-me-to-stop-writing-smut, but i have put them far far behind me.

➌ Which of your ships on this blog is the fluffiest?

The fluffiest is probaly Gabriel and Ari now that we’ve gotten into the emotional core of the relationship on both ends. Which isn’t to say that it’s not a spicy ship with a helping of angst, but... I’ve written more hand-holding with them than with any of the others and I guess that’s my definition of fluff. Also I suspect the gratuitous hand-holding will continue even once they’re past the language barrier. So... FLUFF.

➍ Would you say you’re a decent role player or do you have any self doubts?

I think I’m a decent writer but my roleplay skills vary depending on the day. I understand how to set a mood and (usually) how to string a decent sentence together but sometimes the craft that goes into bouncing off of another writer and giving them something to bounce off of in return eludes me.

➎ Have you made lots of friends on this blog?

More than I expected too. But when I set this blog up I thought ‘those days are behind me now’ so... one would be more than I expected.

➏ What’s the one thing you especially love about roleplaying your muse?

WRITING THE JOKES! And not just the verbal jokes he makes, I love writing jokes into my narration! Meta jokes! Dick jokes! Bad puns! All of it! I love it!! I also enjoy the way Gabriel interacts with the world around him. He rarely just stands in a scene and talks, he’s always moving and gesturing and doing stuff. I also love writing his dialogue, even when the things I write make me squinch my face up with shame. He just says stuff sometimes.

➐ Are there any people you’ve been to afraid of approaching?

NOPE! I’m not afraid to reach out. Approaching people is the easy part. You send a meme, you make an ooc comment, you tag them in something, you hit them with an ask or an IM or whatever. And if they don’t answer that’s a-okay! Their choice, I’m not hurt or personally offended. What I’m afraid of is what happens after that part if they do answer. I can usually BS a thread until I find the point of the thing but IMs and asks? Y I K E S ! Now there’s an expectation for me to be cool and witty and have good ideas instead of just mediocre ones. Very scary. The reason I don’t send IMs.

➑ Give us a rough estimate: How much time have you spent on your graphics? (icons, theme, banners, promos, etc)

My icons/graphics are a visual representation of me learning to use G.I.M.P. and I think you can... very clearly see the learning curve. More effort went into those old fuzzy icons I have than the new, crisp ones. Plus moodboards and other stuff? My guess is 40+ hours.

➒ Got any memorable threads on here? Care to mention a few?

Well now I wish I had thread tags. Thread tags would be a lifesaver right now. Anyway, I am once again shouting out @awaywardboy-andhisangel and our original GabexDean thread that has since spiraled and gotten very, very interesting (it’s not over, I just like it). And @divinitatemxsanguis who has allowed me to indulge in writing Gabriel with Loki post all the betrayl and murder. They have a special place in my heart so thanks for not judging me! I’m getting ready to write the conclusion/endcap to a sad thread with @isclcphobics involving Talia, Gabriel, and a grave. Plus the thread with @downwillow where Gabriel is human and Micheal has forgotten him. And a shoutout to @daedaluscried for our thread series that I have affectionately dubbed the ‘The Nanny’ series ft. October and Gabriel. Every thread has been a delight.

I also have some stuff I’m really looking forward to getting into, specifically with @hellsmother, @cursebcund, and @magaprima.

➓ What were some of the most frustrating moments you had with your muse’s interaction with another muse?

One that’s on me: sometimes I know that a moment in a thread calls for some emotional vunerability, and often when those times roll around the Gabriel voice I use to write dialogue goes all quiet and resistant and just wants to make jokes. And either one of two things happens, either I write the joke and cringe because I know now the thread is going to go way off track because obviously the other character won’t be thrilled/is about to shut down and shut up. Or I force some emotional vunerability out of him and it never quite sounds right to me. Sometimes it’s natural, but sometimes he just won’t do the thing and it frustrates me!

One that I’ve encountered from someone else: sometimes people will try to force a certain motivation or trait on my Gabriel based on their perception of canon/a past interaction they’ve had with another Gabe as portrayed by another RPer. This really grinds my gears because if you want a Gabriel with that motivation to critique/praise/fight with then go find one! I garantee someone out there plays him that way! There are a lot of us out here doing this! I’m not going to change my portrayl for you!!

#ooc: it's math not magic #about the mun #(( i took this from awaywardboyandhisangel #and if you want to fill out a version you should ))#long post

11 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #403

“ashes to ashes, watch me disappear”

If given the opportunity, would you like to star in a musical? Definitely not. I don't like musicals. Name one person you’d take a bullet for: There's honestly a lot, but Mom immediately came to mind. Any posters of a band on your bedroom wall? Yeah: Metallica and Marilyn Manson currently. I want lots more, especially an Ozzy one. Do you think you’ve already met your soulmate? I don't believe in soulmates. Do you share your bedroom with anyone? No, unless you include my cat and snake. Is your favorite color yellow? No, it's actually one of my least favorites. Were you born in a hospital? I was. Do you know the name of the person that delivered you? No, but Mom does. I think he delivered me and my two sisters, and I know Mom has seen him since for other reasons. Was your birth recorded? God no. Good call, Mom. Did you eat a peach this week? Would you believe me if I told you I had a small bit of peach pie for my sister's birthday? For some reason, I just really wanted to try some. It was okay, but the aftertaste sucked. Are you leaving the house tomorrow? Yes, for TMS therapy. Every weekday. Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? I honestly do. If you could get free vocal lessons would you take them? Probably not. I don't like singing in front of anyone, and it's not like I wanna get anywhere with my singing, so. Is your mother diabetic? She is. Are you? No. Ever sang someone to sleep? No. Who do you stalk the most through Facebook? Nobody. Have you ever deleted your Facebook, then brought it back? No. What is your main responsibility each day? Be sure to take my medications. Do you feel like you fulfill those responsibilities? Yeah. There are rare mornings where I forget, but I almost always remember. I don't fw skipping out on meds that keep my mental health stable. When was the last time you used spray paint? Good question. Do you know the middle name of the last person you kissed? Yep. Who is the friendliest person you know? My mom, probably. Something that annoys you about summer: THE HEAT. THE HUMIDITY. UGH. Something that annoys you about winter: Hm. That's hard to say, given I love winter. I guess the fact it doesn't snow enough here. Are the doors of your fridge side by side or on top of one another? Side-by-side. If you’ve moved out of the house you were born in, do you know the people who live in that house now? Nope. Have you ever cried in a movie theater? Not sobbed or anything, but I've definitely teared up and gotten the sniffles because of multiple movies. Do you read comic books? No. Do you force your way into conversations in which you are not involved? No. Have you ever seriously pretended to be clinically insane? I didn't need to pretend; I'm pretty damn sure I was for a while. Might I add that it's EXTREMELY inconsiderate to pretend you're insane, btw. Insanity is not "cool." It's not "funny." It's not "edgy." It's a serious, confusing, heart-wrenching issue that can ruin lives. Do you know anyone with a stutter? Yes, myself included when I'm even mildly nervous. And sometimes just randomly. With a lisp? I don't believe so. What was the last board game you played? The Disney version of "Pretty Pretty Princess" w/ my niece and even my nephew, even though his sexist-ass dad didn't want him to. Like let your kid have some fun with his sister and aunt, goddamn. They had a blast. It was Aubree's birthday present from me, so I am SO glad she loved it. Did you win? Ha ha, no, I always let Aubree or Ryder win. I came super close once, but I let the kids bend the rules a bit. They don't like losing, and even though they definitely need to understand that just happens and is totally fine for it to, I wasn't about to be the one to make them sad about it. When was the last time you tried to speak with an accent? OH MY LAAAAAWWWWWWD. Also at Aubree's b-day party, at one point, I spoke in a snobbish British accent while I was winning at the aforementioned game. Ryder asked, "Why are you speaking Spanish?", and I fuckin DIED. Have you ever made up a word before? Yeah, I know at least a few instances for fantasy animals in writing. When was the last time you went to a museum? A couple summers ago when my brother and his son visited, we went to a science museum. My nephew was sooooo into it. Do you have a nice yard? If so, do you spend a lot of time outside in it? If not, where do you go when you want to relax outdoors on nice days? Our front and back yards are both small and honestly very boring. The grass is a pretty green, but that's the only nice thing about it. I don't go to sit outside here on any day. Do your parents enjoy any of the things that you enjoy? Do you bond over these things? My parents and I have very similar music tastes, so there's that. I also didn't know for the longest time that Mom likes to write, which I sure as hell do, too! She doesn't really write anymore though, and she's self-conscious of it anyway, like I am. She and I also love a lot of the same shows. What is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating? I think The Incredibles 2. I aaaalways wanted to know what happened after the end of the first film. Do you have any ideas for a story or movie you’re planning to write or you’d write if you had the time/had the talent? Please share a synopsis! I genuinely think some RP I've written is series-worthy, but I don't feel like re-writing the YEARS of RP into a book format, and I sincerely worry that the ridiculously dark parts could inspire people like serial killers and cause A LOT of controversy, crime-blaming, and just general hate. I don't want to be involved in that. What is something that an interested guy/girl could comment about you, that would make you instantly open to them (e.g., “That book you’re reading is from my favorite author”)? Compliment my Markiplier tattoo, obviously knowing it's a tribute to him, and we're essentially besties. Is there a person in your life (maybe barely) that you feel in constant competition with (even just in your imagination)? Maybe you feel they are consistently outshining you? Ugh... there's a local photographer that's much more successful than I am that I admittedly am very envious of. I swear to whatever god you may believe in that I mean it from a modest perspective, I really, really do, but I genuinely think my skills surpasses hers, and she's only more prevalent because photography REALLY is about who you know. She's talented, yes, but like... come on. If you are single, even if you are normally happily single, are there certain specific things you witness that make you wish you were in a relationship (e.g., people getting engaged)? I mean yeah. I miss cuddling, holding hands, kissing, just being cute together, and especially people getting engaged or having kids. It's such a trigger to me. Once upon a time, that's all I wanted with Jason. I wanted to be that beautiful couple that got married and had two or three loved-beyond-words children, but then he left so abruptly, and I feel like it was so brutally robbed from me. I don't want kids anymore like at all, but the point still stands that I felt like my dreams were just ripped away. Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site? I use "Ozzkat" just about everywhere. Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)? OHHHHHHHHHH YEAH. There have been a couple days or so where I was totally glued to looking up various tattoo designs, bingeing let's plays or conspiracy theory videos, etc. etc. If you ever think about getting married, what are some aspects of the wedding that you would like to see in a non-traditional manner (e.g., a different color dress or “partners” over “husband” and “wife”)? I WILL NOT get married in a church, first of all. I'm also not having the traditional vows, and I probably won't wear a white dress, but instead black. Salt & vinegar, barbecue, sour cream & onion, or cheddar? Ohhhh, I like all those options but barbecue. I think I've gotta go with sour cream & onion, though. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? A D O R A B L E ! ! ! I think they're ordinarily geeky, but I mean, geeky is cute in my world. :^) Do you believe in demonic possession? How about ghosts? Angels? Angels, no. Spirits/ghosts, 100%. I don't exactly believe in demons, per se, but I do question if evil spirits can possess someone. What is one romantic movie that you enjoy enough to watch more than once? I've seen The Notebook numerous times. Name three countries you want to visit; why those three? South Africa to interact with meerkats at the KMP, somewhere up in Canada to see the Northern Lights, and Germany just because, really. I took German for four semesters, and the culture and all just interests me. Do you have a good luck charm? No, considering I don't believe they do jack. Do you use Skype to talk to your friends? Only Sara. Now that I have Discord semi-figured out now though, we'll probably use that for voice chatting. Are you allergic to any animals? I might be allergic to dogs. Do you usually spend your weekends out, or at home? I'm like... always at home. Do you think it’s wrong for people to say "retard/retarded" as an insult? Absofuckinglutely. Don't pull that shit when I'm around. Have you ever had to go to the police department? No. Have you ever lived through a hurricane? Plenty. Have you ever had a home-grown tomato? Yes, from my old friend's garden. We'd have delicious tomato, mayo, and bacon sandwiches. The only instance where I've enjoyed tomatoes. Have you ever held a real gun? The former friend I mentioned just before, her husband always carried a gun, and he just needed me to hold it for a sec for some reason I don't recall. I hated the feeling. Would you rather wear Converse or Vans? I like both, but I think I prefer Converse. Have you ever been called bipolar? Yes, because I clinically am. Have you ever made fun of a handicapped person? FUCK no. And like the "retarded" thing, don't you fucking DARE to do this in front of me. I WILL deck the shit out of you. Do you think it’s okay to have sex before marriage? Sure, as long as you're being safe and are very thorough in communication. Do you like to watch old sitcoms? I don't really watch TV as I say in like every survey it seems, but I do enjoy some old sitcoms I grew up watching with my mom, like The Nanny, The Golden Girls, The Munsters, etc. If asked, could you run a mile nonstop right now? Being completely serious, I don't even know if I CAN physically run right now. My legs are so incredibly weak, and I'm humiliatingly close to what my heaviest weight was back in 2016, so I can almost guarantee my knees would crumple if I tried. Do you wear those rubber wristbands? I used to. I don't really like bracelets nowadays. If a necklace/ring gives you green marks, do you still wear it? Nope. Have you ever driven an electric car? No. When was the last time you saw someone you went to high school with? Uhhhh idk. What breed was the last dog you saw? A fucking GOLIATH of a lab. I shit you not when I say my sister's roommate's dog Hudson is the size of a goddamn bear. How long have your parents been together (or how long were they together, if they no longer are): I wanna say they were together at the very least 20 years. What has been your most epic cooking failure? I once accidentally put something (I don't remember what) in the microwave for around 45 minutes I believe, and I walked away and completely forgot about it. I remembered a long while later, and safe to say, it wasn't edible, whatever it was, lmao. Have you ever been to Mexico? No. Have you ever had a parrot sit on your shoulder? No, but that'd be cool. Has anyone in your life ever treated you abusively? No. How long has it been since your last breakup? Somewhere around two years ago? My memory is so garbage nowadays. Can you concentrate well while listening to music, or do you find it distracting? It's distracting, usually. What’s something you’ve been struggling with lately? I've been pretty bad about drinking too much soda lately. :/

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''under the graveyard'' by ozzy osbourne

2 notes · View notes

sociallyintroverteddumbass · 5 years

Text

The Toxic people in the HH Fandom

Now this is something I wanted to talk about.

I have been in this community for some time now and it has been the most eventful, yet exciting time of my years. Seeing a large group of fans support a passion project / show made by talented and independent people is pretty damn great and I love it. But, there have been some situations that had reeked some havoc here and I think it’s time we talked about some of them.

Unfortunately, I could not fit everything I wanted to talk about in this post since it’s a bit overdue , I will be discussing 5 types of toxic people and some situations that had happened in the HH community.

Note: Most of the stories I’m going to talk about were either made public or had been told by my friends or people who have experienced these situations.

I will not reveal the names of the toxic individuals or their social media names as I don’t want anyone to witch-hunting any of these people. As much as I hate these types of people, it would be inhumane to go and attack them. In this community, we are trying to bring positivity to the fandom and not attract any drama here. Despite this, I will offer the details of what these individuals have done that should have some light dazzled to help and inform of these disgusting crimes in the community. Also if you go out of your way to harass any of these people I will beat you up and eat your fingers. You know better then to do that.

1. Harassment

Harassment is no uncommon thing. It can happen to everyone, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok. If you are being harassed or spammed by someone, BLOCK THEM. It is never ok for you to stay silent, especially when that harassment is continuous. If you disagree with someone about something, do not go spamming them in their dms or comments, cause’ that just make you look stupid and immature af.

Allow me to explain. Role-Play / Role-Players are seemingly the most common in the HH Fandom and often answer questions from others to the the character they are rp-ing as or their ocs. But sometimes they are going to get weird fucking questions.

For example, my good friend @carol1826 is a roleplayer. She roleplays Charlie and asks / answers ask from others (HH related or not). One day, she had a very annoying anon asking her the question “Are you single?” on her posts and ask box. Of course, she was uncomfortable about that question and deleted those until the anon finally said:

“Dumb bitch deleting questions I was only asking a question...”

“I bet the real Charlie would answer my questions...”

Ok, first of all what the actual fuck and what type of human being would ask someone that question, especially to a Charlie rp blog. More specifically, why would anyone ask a roleplayer that question. It disgusts me that this anon would do this and I hope they get what’s coming to them.

---- ------ --- -------- ---------- -- ---------------- ----- ------- Another example of this comes from Tumblr and DeviantArt. You see, a strange user (we will refer to as “the User”) has been asking artists (minors and adults) a specific request in the HH fandom:

“Draw Angel Dust’s butt looking like his fluffy chest” Or sometimes even these asks: “Draw Angel Dust swallowing bullets” ”Draw angel dust smuggling drugs up his butt” “Draw Alastor killing Pentious with a penance stare” “Can I get a shot of Pentious' eye on his hat?” But it seems that the User would often ask artists to draw Angel Dust with his butt out or doing weird shit, but mostly Angel Dust’s butt.

Of course, they would be constantly asking and spamming artists to do this, even if the artist didn’t want to. They even went as far as asking a 13 yr old artist to draw his request. The User has also admitted that it was a fetish (butt fetish to be specific), which is ok but that doesn’t excuse their actions. Fetishes are normal and I have nothing against anyone who has one but it is not ok to try and demand and spam someone to draw it if they don’t want to. The User has been also stealing art, not crediting artists, participating in art trades but never doing their part, begging or persuading for artists to give free art to them (despite some artists who only do commissions), making fake accounts and harassing / impersonating people, acting racist, etc. I recommend any HH artist to block this user immediately if you get an ask from them.

If the artist doesn't want to draw your request, then you should leave them alone.

It is not ok to spam an artist’s askbox or DMs the same request they rejected over and over again. It’s not going to do any good for you if you do this.

Not only that,

The User also does this to HH roleplayers, sending really weird rp asks to them, mainly those who roleplay Angel Dust. In fact, there was one instance where they sent an ask to a Angel Dust roleplayer in which they basically raped Angel or asked very perverted question about their “Fluffy Butt” (the worst one is when they asked Angel rp-ers to swallow a rat and see if it comes out through the butt), along with other weird asks and it’s fucking disgusting / disturbing as this makes the User look like an extreme creep. It is not uncommon for these types of people to ask others to satisfy their fetishes or sexual desires, and will do whatever it takes to get that fetish / desire expressed from anyone (minors or adults) they can contact, even if it is illegal.

Unfortunately, this User has also ask artists these requests on DA as well, but way worse than you could ever imagine. The worst instance was where they’d ask various artists to draw a frog with worms up its ass. Yeah, I’m calling the Art Police. Recently, the User had posted on DA discussing this issue. Of course they were acting very perverse, deny that they spam artists (even though it’s the truth) and trying to pull a bullshit pity party / sob story by explaining how they used to be homeless for 2 years, abused and attacked, which (I clearly doubt is true). The fact they tried to defend themselves by talking about how shitty their life used to be fucking disgusts me and is so very pathetic, it makes me gag knowing that these people exist and we are forced to live among them. The User is obviously trying to pull people away from the situation by using the pity card, and it failed. Why the hell should anyone give you the benefit of the doubt that you have done these sick, twisted, and inhumane things to artists by spamming them gross requests and being a big baby when people call you out, as if you should even deserve pity to begin with? Now of course, what the User is saying does sound very hard to deal with and very sad, but once it crosses the line (due to these actions the User has done and has been very immature and uncompromising about it) people won’t care about how you got there nor feel pity about it. Besides, I doubt anything that the User said is actually true, especially the “homeless for 2 years” part, since if that were the case, you’d be more focused on money and rent rather than asking artists to draw a character clapping their ass-cheeks. Currently on this user’s DA page, they’ve been doing these abominations of status posts for some time, posting pity-post stories in order to get sympathy and just bad. In one of their posts, they go completely ape-shit. Like, this is what happens when desperation and lies is your only option to escape your problems because you’re to perverse to try and fix those issues. I doubt anything this guy says is real anymore since, at this point, anything they say is just a way for them to get pity-points. Here are the posts btw -----v

Overall, this user is a art thief, spammer, pedophile, manipulating, lying disgusting immature pig that should be eradicated from the internet and all communities for they have been nothing but harassed and cause problems in the fandoms they entered.

In conclusion, If you are an HH rp / art blog and you are getting uncomfortable asks like these, do not respond and / or block the person asking, you have that right and these people can’t tell you otherwise. If you are harassing people like this, then shame on you for your actions and you seriously need to stop. Its not fucking ok and it will never be ok. NEVER FUCKIN’ EVER.

2. Art Theft

Now those of you who have been here for a long time in the Vivziepop Fandom, you will know that many people would sometimes repost Vivz’s artwork. Most of the time we usually don’t do this in the intent of stealing it but to share it or even criticize it. Seemingly Vivz doesn't have a problem with this, unless you are stealing it for you own personal gain and lie that it’s their art. That’s right, these bastards steal her art and claim its theirs. If you been frequently going to Vivz’s Twitter back in 2017, you might remember her calling out a blog that was stealing her art and saying it was theirs.

If you thought that was bad, not only does this happen to Vivz, it happens to other artists in the the HH fandom, the two I’m going to talk about come from @rabbit1225 and @ztoonsz.

Rabbit1225 makes beautifully drawn artwork of characters, and they are especially well known for their fanart on HH characters in the fandom (Lucifer from HH to be specific). But, unfortunately as Rabbit continues with the fanart, others take it without permission. In fact, there was one instant where someone had ask Rabbit if they could use their picture of Lucifer in the Hazbin Hotel Wiki for Lucifer’s bio in a conversation on DeviantArt. Rabbit said no, but they didn’t care. They not only posted it on the wiki, they spelled Rabbit’s DeviantArt name wrong. Fortunately, Rabbit told the person to remove the pic immediately and told them off for not listening, and so far the pic was removed from the wiki.

This would soon lead to Rabbit putting big watermarks over most their artwork so art thieves couldn’t steal them. I mean, the watermarks are so big they take up the whole pic, which is smart. But still it is a very sad thing to see this happen to artist like Rabbit just because they make some good art of their favorite characters. Sure, asking artists for permission to use their artwork is ok, but taking their art (even if the artist said no) without permission is extremely wrong and disgraceful. ------- ---- ------------ -------------------------- ----- ----------

Ztoonz is also an artist who draws HH characters, including their HH oc. Suddenly, an Instagram user was not only stealing their HH art, but stealing various ones from another artist. Ztoonz confronted this thief, and it went pretty bad to say the least. The thief kept saying it was “Their art” and kept calling them insults like “Bitch” or “British Cunt”. What really put the nail in the coffin was when the thief threaten to repost Ztoonz’s art and claim that Ztoonz was the one stealing it. Now that’s just cold. Of course, Ztoonz made a post regarding this and everyone started to report this thief. Thankfully, the thief deleted all of the art because they knew they fucked up and they deserved it.

If an you are reposting another person’s art, you must ask for permission first. If don’t and just straight up do it anyway, be sure to credit them at least.

If the artist asks you to remove the reposted art, Do IT, as the art is theirs and not yours and you could get sued or even arrested by the artist for stealing their art.

Respect an artist’s request to leave their art alone or credit them and move on with your life.

It’s not that difficult. You’ll look bad.

This also goes for Ocs as well, of course.

It is despicable and stealing another person’s character and / or art , it makes you look like you are devoid of creativity to make your own and it’s scummy.

3. The Attack Of HH Shippings

This is a tweet Vivzie made on her Twitter. I hope you read or at least acknowledged this tweet, because I’m going to talk about a certain issue regarding this. You see, the reason why Vivz made this tweet was because of the fact that there was an increase of actual people bullying other for certain ships, canon or not, which I must say is just sad. Like, guys they’re just cartoon characters, calm the fuck down. If you’re seriously going to debate others about a certain ship and whether or not it’s canon for 2 hours, then you are the real fool here. I don’t know what’s worse: -People shipping real-life people that don’t know each other / have no love or sexual relations with. OR -People getting into heated arguments about certain fictional character ships from cartoons or shows. What more do we need to tell you? How many fucking times do we all need to say it to you people? Doing this is just going to make you look like a shit person, and an immature one at that. There is no reason for you to do this.There is no reason to attack someone for having some ship of an HH character because you disagree with it. I’ve said it, everyone has said it, even Vivzie herself has said it. I know this is common in almost all fandoms and communities, but come on, ya’ll should be mature enough to know that being a bitch about stupid shit is just stupid. You guys are old enough to learn how to respect an opinion / interest, yet you people are crying like babies about how some people are shipping Vaggie and Angel Dust cause’ he is gay and not straight. THEY’RE JUST SHIPS! Not only that, even if Angel Dust and Vaggie used to be a couple in the older version of HH and it’s not canon anymore, you can still ship them regardless.

Sure, we all love our demons guys n’ gals but we need to remember they’re just characters and we can do whatever ships we want. Of course, there are going to be the weird looking ships, but we need to respect those ships. You have no authority to tell a person to kill themselves all because they shipped Charlie with Alastor. You are not the God of Ships, nor are you entitled to say you are.

Speaking of the Vaggie x Angel Dust ship, my friend @scarecrowinc93 told me about someone supporting that ship here on Tumblr. They loved it so much, they made a kickstarter to make the ship canon. Fucking Madlad. But when people tried to tell them that it might not come true, they went ape-shit. They responded to all of this in a post and were extremely rude and bitter about it, though they tried to cover their tracks by deleting it as soon as they realize they fucked up. Now as much as we love fan ships and wish they could be canon, it might not happen and you need to except that fact.

Just because you’re in a fandom that have excepting ships does not mean you can harass people for disagreeing with your ship or anyone else. I get it people should have free opinions here and there, but you don’t have the right to speak in a rude manner because someone didn’t like your ship. That’s not right and you know that.

4.”Is Hazbin Hotel a Scam?” Bullshit and Clickbait Slander

What happens when someone is desperate for views on YouTube? Slander and attempting to start drama of course! There had been two videos that have caused a bit of a steer.

The first one was at the day of Christmas Eve, a video called “Is Hazbin Hotel a Scam?” was uploaded by some random person, and I gotta say I was pissed off and disgusted. This might as well be the most infamous video slandering Hazbin Hotel to exist. Words cannot describe this video, and the only way I can describe it is with this image:

I’m pretty sure everyone knows that Hazbin Hotel isn’t a scam. For one, Vivzie and the HH crew do not want to let the fans down, especially at this point in time as Hazbin Hotel is popular with a majority of fans, who are excited for the upcoming show. Do you really think Vivziepop would want to let her own fans down and lie about the upcoming show just to gain money? Yeah uh, how about no motherfucker. They’ve been working so hard to even stop the project at this point. Multiple clips from the pilot have been released to the public, and you can clearly see that the HH crew are working hard to make this show real. Animation that could make Disney cry, colors that pop and vibrate with beauty, and characters with designs that defy our ability to comprehend. For example, Ashely Nichols is one of the HH animators / artists working on the project. She is well known for the many streams she broadcasts. Most of them are usually of her animating various scenes, but with a bit of a twist. You see, to make these streams more entertaining, she brings in one of the several voice actors of Hazbin Hotel to the stream and have the viewers give voice requests said voice actor. In fact, she is currently in a relationship with Micheal Kovach, the voice of Angel Dust. Sometimes even Vivzie makes streams. During those streams some viewers would ask her various questions about Hazbin Hotel, and you know what she does? She answers their questions. Vivzie likes to talk about the Hazbin Hotel’s universe, especially her characters and want to share them with her fans. So how is that a scam? If Hazbin Hotel was a scam, then why is the HH crew so dedicated to make this project successful? Explain that, cause’ it seems that the person who made this video might have something to say about this. I question whether or not this person is a troll or not, but I’m on the notion they did this for views since in their channel they have never talked about animation or anything related to that and probably doesn’t even know anything about it. Literally, when I first went on this person’s channel, there was barely anything in there that related to animation, art, or anything of that sort but (what I can assume to be) video blogs with barely any views. When I saw this, I could just feel the desperateness for views radiating from their channel. It’s like the equivalent of someone cashing in on a famous person’s death because they’re so desperate for views and attention. When first watching this “exposed video”, I honestly couldn’t even watch it at it’s fully entirety because it was that bad. The points this person made were too idiotic to take seriously and I feel bad for those who believed these disgusting lies. Here are just some of the “points” this person made about the so called “Hazbin Hotel scam”: - Having merch before the show has been released - Having no official release date - The crew only caring about money, not the fans - Having two Patreon pages (One is Vivziepop, the other’s Hazbin Hotel) These are just some of the “points” the person made in the video, and oh believe me it gets worse. While some seem understandable, most of them sound too abysmal to be true. Like seriously, “Having no official release date...”? How petty do you have to be to make up this shit? I get it, the internet can be a sketchy place and you can’t always trust the things you believe, but that statement does not make sense. Let me explain, most animation projects take time to make, like it can 5-7 hours to make a 10 second clip. Now imagine 30 minutes (which is how long the Hazbin Hotel pilot will be), imagine how long it would take to animate. Drawing every single frame neatly and correctly, making sure every scene is right, taking time and making it perfect. The amount of time and effort animators take on animating is astounding. Animation is hard and whether you animate or not, you know that it takes a great deal of toil and energy to do something like this, especially when it comes to 2D animation (which is the main animation style for Hazbin Hotel), where you have to draw each and every frame by hand. Animators need time to do this stuff and sometimes don’t when they’ll be done. Hell, animation companies like Disney, Pixar, Dreamworks, etc. need time for this shit and it could take them months or even years to even start the animation process. Even if these companies have a larger budget then Vivzie, that doesn’t mean she can’t full-fill her animation dream. Like I said before, Vivziepop has already released multiple clips from the pilot, talked about the universe of Hazbin Hotel and it’s characters, and overall make the wait for the pilot something everyone can enjoy. If it were a scam, the animation wouldn’t look completed / smooth, Vivzie would not be talking about the HH universe as much, there wouldn’t be as many animation streams being made, etc.

Apparently, the video was so bad, misleading, and plain retarded, Jakeneutron (who is an animator well known for doing stuff related for Steven Universe), told the person off in the comment section along with other people who actually have a brain. This person, this fucking person, was just spouting bullshit claims like how:

“They only care about money than the project”

and

“It takes 6 animators to make the merch line and several days to release the merch line”

This person obviously doesn’t know how to tell a good lie because his claims are total bullshit and easily debunkable. The video might have been deleted since it hasn’t been seen near the top when you search “Hazbin Hotel” on Youtube but I don’t want to say it too soon, but if the video is still up then I recommend to not watch it as, like I said, just an attempt to start drama and get views from a pathetic troll / leech. Seriously, these lies are so bad I feel like my brain cells are slowly dying just reading them.

----------- -------- ------------------- --- ------------------ ----------- - ----

Next one, a video was uploaded seemingly in December of another random person’s “reaction” to the Hazbin Hotel trailer and was pretty bad. One of the most idiotic claims this person kept dragging was that this was for children and it is very inappropriate. How? HOW?!

How is a show about demons, murderers, villains in Hell (with mild cursing and sex jokes) for children? This person literally thinks that anything animated is for children. I swear people with that mentality about animation always being “Family Friendly” are just plain idiots. Like look at Family Guy / American Dad / Bojack Horseman / Mr.Pickles / The NutShack, they all have mature and inappropriate themes in them, and they’re animated.

Generally speaking here, yes I do think young children shouldn’t watch HH for obvious reasons. Yes, even though the characters are really funny and enjoyable and the animation beautiful, it’s not mean’t for a very young audience. You could tell Hazbin Hotel isn’t family friendly the moment they talk about drugs, Hell, murder, genocide, etc. but this person acts like it’s going to corrupt our kids the nano-second they watch it. Not only that, they were involving religion into the video. Unfortunately, due my poor memory, I couldn’t remember what they said, but what I do remember was the title saying “I’m never leaving my church ever again...” and the thumbnail being the person seemingly holding a mini bible. Unsurprisingly, they got a lot of hate from that video, but for some reason the person was liking every comment (including the ones that were going against him), which begs the question, What the fuck? The video was deleted, of course.

Now, oddly enough this person is special in a way. They may just seem like your average slanderer towards HH, but they’re a weird one. You see for some reason this person kept making “review videos” on the HH clips or videos apparently supporting HH. Yeah, excuse me but what the fuck? Are they trying to cover their tracks?

It’s hard to tell if they’re a troll or not because at this point I don’t know. First they slander HH, now they supporting it? What is this person doing and why?

One of my most biggest problems with their HH ‘review’ videos is how the jokes they make are bland, unfunny, and just confusing (to me at least). When they make an attempt at a joke, it’s hard to even call it a joke because it makes you debate whether to laugh or not.

For example, in their “review” to “A Cautionary Tale”, Angel Dust says he’s “Not too big on politics”, and then the person takes out a MAGA hat, wears it, and says “Well, then you and I are gonna get along great!” I think it’s suppose to be a political joke since in the corner it said *Republican joke*, but at the same time it comes across as not really funny.

My second biggest issue I have about them is how they literally have no fucking clue on what they’re saying. Like they have no idea who the characters are, the universe of the show, etc. and honestly comparing them to an average HH fan, they have the IQ of a penny when talking about HH. In their “A Cautionary Tale” review video, they literally claimed there was no such thing as an “overnight” in Hell and that they’ve been hearing people say that everyone in the main cast of HH died in the 1940s (even though most of the characters have different personalities based on when they died, which is not just the 1940s). Yeah, this ain’t it chief.

One of the most stupidest things this guy said was that Alastor was Adolf Hitler himself... Yeah no. Like I’m not sure if this is suppose to be some sort of joke, but judging from this guy’s low knowledge on HH and them being obsessed the 1900s, it seems likely.

Firstly, Alastor died in 1933, New Orleans (which was told by Vivz in one of Ashely’s streams) during the great depression before WW2, while Hitler died in 1945, Berlin during WW2. Literally, you could just google “Adolf Hitler” and it would show you his date of death on the right side of the screen when you google him, and for Alastor you would go to the Hazbin Hotel Wiki. It’s not that hard.

Secondly, if Alastor was Hitler, then he would have spoken in german or german accent, hate Jews / African Americans / Gays / Hipsanics / etc., have a swastika on this arm, and have the signature mustache or at least something like Hitler. Alastor speaks in a 1930′s voice and speaks english, literally (seemingly) doesn’t care about what race or sexual orientation you are, has no mustache.

If you went and researched about these characters more on the Hazbin Hotel Wiki, then you wouldn’t look so stupid especially if you want to be invested in the show’s characters or the show in general.

If you haven’t noticed yet, this person is into some war history judging by his interest of World War stuff. I can understand that they may not know, but (like I said) you could literally go to the Hazbin Hotel Wiki to learn more about the story, rather than make dumb assumptions on things you don’t know. You have the internet, use it.

If you think that making video’s slandering a show or person gonna get you good-ass views, then fuck you. Doing this will do nothing but bring angry fans and confused people believing the things you say. If you find satisfaction from that, you are fucking disgusting and a trashy human being.

5. Roleplay Bullying

Much like HH ship-bullying, roleplayers are being bullied by their way of roleplaying. One that has come to attention is one coming from the Twitter RP-Verse. They roleplay as Alastor and has been acting like a tyrant. You see, they are also an artist who do HH fanart and are well-known for it actually (but I won’t tell who). They would insult roleplayers for their ability or way of roleplaying behind their backs and it’s quite childish for someone to be mad at something so small and idiotic. The roleplayer would use their fans to try and force other rp-ers from the roleplay, as if they control it, which is false and you can’t really control a roleplay, unless someone’s being annoying af and I doubt that this Alastor roleplayer is doing what their doing for that reason. I can understand that territories like this can get pretty hostile, but regards to this specific situation there isn’t really an excuse. I’m not going to go too deep into this topic since (let’s be honest) is another version of HH ship-bullying but except it’s roleplay. Maybe next time I’ll go deeper into this.

So what did we learn today?

Today we learn how truly pathetic us humans can be. How people would go out of their way to conduct such petty crimes to satisfy themselves because they have nothing else better to do in their sad little lives.

I might make a part 2 of this post, since I couldn’t talk about everything I wanted to say in this post since that would take forever to make.

-------- - - - ----- ------- ------------- - ----------- - - - - - - - ----------- - -----------------

Thank you all for read my post!

I wish everyone in this community the greatest and to be safe on the internet. Toxic people are crawling left and right and it is important that we don’t let these people get to us, we are better than these people.

If any of you guys want to make a similar post like this, then go ahead! It would be much appreciated to help spread this awareness and make our or other communities less toxic.

#This post was a bit overdue but I'm still proud of it #vivziepop #zoophobia #zoophobia memes #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel memes #clickbait slander #false accusations #harassment #art theft #roleplay bullying #HH shipping harassment #this is unreal #this is disgusting

156 notes · View notes

totaldramafan-lauri · 4 years

Text

Reflecting (Keep Moving Forward followup)

So, uh....first off.....if you’re reading this, I hope you have a Merry Christmas (if you celebrate it)!

It’s been over a month since I made that vow to keep moving forward.....but it’s been so hard.....It’s getting easier recently, though, as I’ve been able to think clearer.....bit by bit.....

Below is gonna be me venting about stuff that happened, and about myself and the lessons I’ve learned, so if that doesn’t interest you, don’t bother reading. I just.....wanted to....spill things out somewhere, where I’m not forcing people to listen to me.....And hopefully, this’ll be the last post I’ll have about this subject, or at least, one this long....

When it happened.....I was so taken off-guard....I was devastated and worried....and in my fear, I focused on the wrong things.....

I was SO caught up on the fact that....my friends....who I care so much about.....who I liked talking to, and sharing things with, and had such fun with .....were accusing me of hurting them, which was like, one of my worst fears....I was so blindsided by how quickly things went south......from being told that I’m loved, valid, and that I’m not annoying, and I’m fun to be around....s-stuff I wanted to believe.....to suddenly being told that I WAS annoying and obnoxious the entire time, and that I was actually an awful, selfish guilt-tripper who only wanted attention.....And.....that’s.....that’s not me.....

They brought up past events that.....I’d already either apologized for, swore to never do again, or was already made aware of and was trying to dial back on.....A-and that made it worse.....It felt like none of that mattered.....that I was so terrible that I could never truly change for the better, even as I tried to....And the part that hurt the most about the whole thing was not being believed. I didn’t expect them to forgive me, especially not right away.....I just wanted them to believe me....But no one believed me when I apologized again. No one believed me when I told them I didn’t mean any harm to any of them, and said that I’m completely aware of my mistakes, trying to be better, and would try not to repeat any of the crap I did before. Nothing I said was hitting at all, it was like I was just white noise to them.....

And after it was over, I thought about it more, let it sit with me......as I sobbed my face off, of and on, for days.....I hated knowing I hurt my friends, I hated it, hated it.....Thinking about what they were going through around me....Were they really that hurt? Was I really as awful as they said? Am I really incapable of changing and being better? What should I do to make everyone happy? Is it best for them if I wasn’t there anymore? Is it best for everyone? Do I deserve this pain, for everyone’s sake? Is everyone better off if I.....went away.....forever......?

But thankfully.....the tears slowly dried.....Thanks to the friends I still have, I got back on my feet, though it took a bit......And I’ve obviously looked back on everything a LOT.....And as the pain dulled, I started to think clearer....And identify the root causes of my mistakes.

Yes....I did mess up. I’m not the victim here. Just because it hurt, doesn’t mean I didn’t deserve to be called out. Everything I said before this was how I felt in the moment, but this is how I feel about it presently:

It’s true that I never wanted to hurt anyone. EVER. I’m one of the least threatening people on the planet. I’m a socially-awkward, anxious mess of a person who struggles with the simplest of things. I’m timid, shy, but once I get comfy, I’ll ramble on, and fangirl....and I get flustered very easily. When I get flustered, I say stupid things. I do stupid things. And.....I'm constantly worrying about being annoying. I never had any hidden agendas to “make everything revolve around me” or anything like that. In fact.....I HATE the feeling of controlling other people (It was actually a running thing that I was the most submissive person in the server). I prefer being a follower to a leader, scared of disappointing people I care for. And I NEVER wanted any more attention than anyone else. I know I’m not important. I was just another fangirl in a server full of them. A server that belonged to everyone equally......Everyone got to be happy, and that’s part of what made it so great.....Every time one of my friends got attention, I’d watch, sure, but I’d never intentionally take away from them. No matter how much I reacted, no matter how flustered I’d get, no matter how many stupid noises I made...If I knew that I was stealing attention, I would’ve tried to step back, but still getting anxious over letting people I care about down.....in case they really DID want to indulge me....

I absolutely hate forcing people to do things they don’t wanna do. Whenever someone does something for me, I want it to be because they WANT to. I’d ask things like “Are you sure?” out of anxiety. This is especially true of RPing. My anxiety over RPing is so bad that I’ll never initiate one. I always want people who RP with me to actively have fun doing it, not because I’m forcing it. I always worry about the people I do it with, and if they’re having fun, or if I’m being a waste of time....And if, at any point, I had picked up on the fact that I was forcing anything, I would’ve backed off right away and apologized.

So, me being called.....m-manipulative....? That hurt....because that’s not me.....and that’s why I.....got so defensive.....

But.....like I said at the start.....I was focusing on the wrong things.

Sure, that one part was a misunderstanding. But who flipping cares? I still messed up. I messed up BADLY. It doesn’t matter if it was intentional or not. I still hurt people I care about, and I still deserved to be called out for it. While it’s true that nothing I did was intentional, they still brought up good points about me that I needed to hear, even if it hurt. After letting everything sit with me for a month, I’m finally able to address it, and put it in text so that I’ll never forget it. I guess.....this is my own callout post to myself.

So....the biggest cause of all of this.....is self-hatred.

It’s no secret to anyone who knows me that I.....don’t really have a high opinion of myself, and I consider everyone who I get attached to to be more deserving of nice things than me. The biggest example is when it comes to Spinel....I’d always be so so self-conscious when thinking about how she’d view me compared to my friends, who are more entertaining, and more deserving of her attention....at least, in my eyes. I wasn’t jealous of the attention they’d get, though (I’d cheer them on), I just looked up to them. At first, this wasn’t a huge problem as a lot of my friends had the same issues. But.....it got worse. Over time, my mind attacked me more and more.....I blamed myself for nearly every uncomfortable or bad situation that would happen.....and started to fear being left out and being alone. This led to situations of me basically going into tangents over how much I hate myself over things that had nothing to do with me. I’d blame myself, over and over again.....

Every single time I would beat myself up over being boring/useless/annoying/etc, my friends were always there, comforting me and making me feel better. But here’s the thing: I started doing this IN THE WRONG PLACES, at THE WRONG TIMES. Like, I would offhandedly mention how I wish I was more like someone else and have to be assured I was fine, during someone else’s moments, because I was an idiot and it didn’t hit me that people would actually stop what they’re doing to talk to me. I can even remember a few times when a friend was having a really bad day, and I would have a mental breakdown over worrying about them, needing to be calmed down. THAT could’ve been kept to myself. Like I said before, I never EVER intended to get special treatment compared to anyone else. But, the way I’d constantly moan about how “It’s all my fault”, “I’m so sorry I’m so annoying”, and especially the constant self-consciousness over Spinel.....All of that.....how every single time, it ended with people comforting me in some way......it was EASY for them to interpret all of that as guilt-trippy. I wasn’t aware of it then, but I can see why people would think that now. I kept doing it, cuz I was so comfortable venting to them that.....I got into a habit of it. In my head, it was just a thing that we all did, not just me. But I had no idea of what I was doing, and how often, until I had to have it spelled out to me......and that’s just....yikes. Luckily, I’ve learned now that there’s a time and a place to vent, and I’ve made a real effort to dial back on my self-deprecating comments, after being called out....but it didn’t matter anymore. It was one case of “I learned my lesson, but I did it so often in the past that no one believes me when I say that.” And I have no one to blame there but myself.....

But I will still take that message to heart, and will try to pass it to others. There’s a time and place to vent your insecurities. Do it in a dedicated space if you can. Don’t do it in a way that brings down the mood, or in any way that could be an interruption.

But that wasn’t the only mistake I made. Oh no no no. It gets even worse. My self-loathing issues have done worse than annoy people and get misinterpreted. I’ve said things that I extremely regret saying.

So.....in.....either late August or early September....around that time, things got a lot more stressful and sad in the server. There was a period where it seemed like every other day, a friend would have some kind of breakdown and leave the server. When someone I care about isn’t feeling well, my worry over them makes me overly-anxious, and....yyyyyyeah, my mind became even meaner to me. Th-the point is, people I cared about were having a hard time, and....I spent a lot of time worrying and stressing over them. I felt helpless.....I wished I could help them and make them feel better, the way they helped me....and, I started overthinking a lot of things, wondering if I was a bad friend.

I was so sick of myself for always saying “I suck at cheering people up besides being a distraction” and using that as an excuse to not do anything....It felt like I was doing the same thing over and over again: worrying about people while being too shy to reach out, and worrying that not reaching out made it seem like I didn’t really care.....

There’s one friend of mine.....who is really good at cheering me up when I’m depressed. He’s done it multiple times. I never ask to be cheered up, but.....he seems to always know what to say. And.....I look up to him. I wanna be a person like that.....a good friend who knows what to say......and......

And so I tried. After a certain point, I decided to stop whining and try reaching out to my friends more. I DMed more often, wrote them things, tried showing them I care. And at first, I thought I was doing the right thing, even if it was outside my comfort zone. It was worth it if I made someone feel just a little bit better while in a bad place.

But....I wasn’t good at it. At all. I was way too anxious to act calmly in those situations, and as a result, most of them.....didn’t go so well. As in, I never, I dunno, thought things through before saying them. Which, when talking to someone emotionally vulnerable, you should ALWAYS DO. I should know! I AM one of those people!

A lot of the time, I.....I struggle to convey my emotions properly. When I’m emotional, I say stupid things without thinking. Sometimes, it’s something that sounded fine in my head, but once I say it or type it out, I realize how wrong it really sounded. One thing about me is that I’ll never take the cheap excuse of “It was the autism’s fault” or “It was the anxiety’s fault”, because....stuff like that sounds so wrong to me. Those things are a part of myself, so blaming them is really just another way of saying that I was wrong. But yes, it’s true that a lot of autistic people suffer from the same social issues that I do. Coming off as insensitive by talking without thinking. This also goes back to what I mentioned earlier about how I act like an idiot when I’m flustered. I get emotional, I stop thinking. That’s all there is to it. And I wish I could just......stop.

While trying to talk to a friend who was going through a hard time, there were occasions where, either out of stress or evil brain jumping to conclusions, I would bring my self-loathing issues into the situation. AGAIN, with the self-loathing in the wrong place at the wrong time! When someone I care about isn’t feeling well, my worry over them makes me overly-anxious. ....I’d try to say “I hope you’re doing OK! We miss you!” and after a bit, it was devolve into “Please please come back, I’m sorry if I did anything wrong, I’m such an awful friend, boohoo”, and......yikes? After this distance, I realize just how badly-worded a lot of the stuff I said was.

Sometimes, I would catch on to what I said really quickly, instantly feel guilty, and delete the message, hoping no one saw it (guess what: that doesn’t change anything if they still saw it), but other times, I was so dang OBLIVIOUS to just how obnoxious I was acting, and needed it spelled out to me.

The ultimate irony is that, in trying to be there for my friends, I was such an emotional wreck that....I ended up coming across as selfish instead. The exact opposite of my intention.

I wanted to be like my friend, and failed. All cuz I let my own feelings get in the way.

Whenever I’d be called out on something, I’d apologize. And afterward, I’d do my very best to never repeat my mistakes. After being called out for sticking my nose in where I wasn’t wanted, I stopped initiating DMs with anyone who didn’t wanna talk, and made extra careful to double-check things I said. I was extra cautious about everything, scared of messing up again.

And....it seemed like my apologies were accepted, and things were fine again. But.....there came a point where it’d just been.....enough.

The damage was done. The conclusions about me were made. And my reaction - getting defensive over a misunderstanding instead of actually focusing on the fact that good points were made about me - didn’t help matters.

I poured my heart and soul apologizing to them, swearing over and over again that I learned my lesson. And.....almost no one believed me. Because I messed up THAT badly. Everything that came out of my mouth was taken as a sob story. And the feeling of not being believed and trusted anymore hurt so badly that I......shattered. I broke down.....

But now, thinking clearly, I see the full picture better. I see the truth behind the misunderstanding, and boil everything down to the core issues that I can focus on improving.

Sure, I’m not manipulative, and I’ll take those words to my grave. But I was still oblivious, annoying, invasive, and my self-loathing was a MAJOR problem that I let leak into too many conversations. It got to the point where it came off as guilt-trippy and attention-seeking. I can’t deny that anymore. That’s how people saw it. Sure, it was never intentional, but no more sugar-coating.

My biggest problems were: 1. The self-loathing problems, and 2. The obliviousness of what I was doing and how it made people feel. Those are the core issues. Everything else can be traced back here.

And.....that’s everything. All my self-reflecting, summed up here. A reminder of my mistakes.

I’m so sorry.....for everything I did. I’m working on it.....I promise. Thank you for letting me know.

This is the kind of apology I should’ve given them.....Properly self-aware, not that overdramatic mush....

.....I was never mad at them for saying those things. Even when the wounds were fresh, I was never mad at them, only myself and the situation.....I didn’t wanna hate them, I wanted to make things right.....And.....M-maybe it’s me being weak, but.....I still think the world of them now. I still think of them as my friends.....Especially now, when I can look back and try to understand why they did it. They were hurt, and they were only doing what was best for them......And I hope they’re all happy now that it’s taken care of. Cuz....they deserve to be happy.

I know that all I can really do is talk about how I feel, and give my side of the story, but I’ve still thought a lot about what they must have felt.....How hurt they were, what they thought, and if it was hard to do.....I can never truly know without communicating. And, for the sake of their privacy, and not bringing up specific details, I won’t put words in anyone’s mouth. This is mainly about my feelings, because that’s all I can share. But yes, this isn’t the whole story.

Sure, it still sucks, knowing that without some kind of magic lie detector, I can never truly prove that I never wanted to use or hurt anyone, and that I really did care about them so much.....but I have to live with it. This is the price I have to pay.

And through the experience, I learned important lessons that I’ll keep close to my heart.

Back when the wounds were fresh, I was blaming every little thing about me, trying to find justification that I was unlovable trash and didn’t deserve happiness. I blamed things that weren’t at fault at all, or that I have no control over, like preferences and squicks.....anything that could’ve been annoying people all along......But, I think I finally got it straightened out now.

My feelings for Spinel aren’t at fault here. (After all, I wasn’t the only one who had them) While my ramblings about not feeling worthy of her attention, and the stupid things I’d say when flustered over her, caused some issues, those things stem from personal faults of mine that have always been there. My self-loathing would still be just as bad if she wasn’t there. I’d just be directing it at something or someone else. So, no, I’m not forcing myself to get over her. I don’t blame her. Thinking about her brings me comfort still, after all this time....and I don’t wanna let that go. I can improve as a person, and still.....l-love her.....

No, I learned what I REALLY have to change, and have already made the steps to do so. I’ve made new rules for myself. I’ve started internalizing my self hatred and anxiety more instead of oversharing it. I only vent my issues in private places, or on here, where I’m not forcing people to read my crap. I’m DONE with forcing anyone to listen over and over again about how I hate myself, and.....how I’m now in this endless cycle of hating myself FOR hating myself.....it’s a lose-lose situation either way. Point is, no more of those self-loathing tangents unless it’s called for.

And other things, too......I’ve been extra careful about RPing, I’ve been extra careful about joining conversations, and.....about everything, really. Especially DMing. Now more than ever, I’m scared of forcing people to pay attention to me....I’m worried about coming off the wrong way. When someone pays attention to me, I don’t want it to be forced. I wanna believe I deserve it. If I ever deserve anything.....(And finally, one last minor change: I’ll no longer voice chat unless I’m muted. My voice is seriously obnoxious, especially when flustered, to the point where I’ll unintentionally insert myself into conversations just by making stupid noises in the background. I’m too loud. SCREW my voice. I hate my voice. No more.)

And, as the past month or so has gone on, and I’ve slowly recovered, and gotten past this period of self-reflection.....I’ve started talking to people again, slowly regaining the confidence to do so.....while keeping my new rules in mind. And, I’m happy to say that I haven’t messed up.....yet. Don’t wanna jinx it. But yeah.....maybe I really have improved.....

And.....for the past couple weeks.....I’ve been......happy? Well, the happiest I’ve been since that day. I’m no longer miserable, and I’m in good spirits. That’s good, cuz it means that I’m not bothering people!

So....I’m optimistic. Maybe that’s a bad thing.....but at the moment, it doesn’t feel that way.

In the near future, I.....I do wanna reach out to the friends I hurt. I wanna try apologizing one last time. Maybe that’s me not wanting to let go, but.....I really care for them, and we had so much fun together......It felt like we made each other happy, before everything got bad.....I don’t wanna feel like everything we ever did was because I was awful.....the whole time.....I don’t want the memories to be tainted.....

But.....I’m scared to go back right now......I’m scared of messing it up by getting emotional again. If they don’t forgive me, that’s fine. That’s their choice to make. But I at least want them to believe me.....and if that doesn’t happen, then it’s my fault again.

So....yeah.....I do wanna go back and give it one last try.....but later, when I’m SURE I’m ready. For now, as long as I feel like there’s a part of me that’s gonna get all dramatic and moody, I’m not ready. Cuz I wanna push that part of me away. No more pity parties. No more....no more talking over them. I’ll let them beat into me if it’ll make them feel better......and I’ll be happy to be forgiven, if that’ll make them feel better.

Either way, I don’t want it to end like this....but......is it selfish to want closure? Cuz, even if I don’t get forgiveness.....at least give me that. At least let me end this on a respectful note. Cuz....I don’t wanna be a coward. I don’t wanna just.....move on without taking the steps to fix the situation, especially with the people that were there for me so often......

Geez, this got long......sorry if you read all of this. I just.....wanted to put this all somewhere......TLDR: I’m so incredibly sorry for everything I’ve ever done, and I’m taking the steps I can to improve myself and become a better person. It’s not easy, and I’ll never forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made.....but I’ll try to get there somehow.

Keep moving forward......

#im intentionally keeping details about specific events vague for privacy purposes #cuz i am NOT in a position to reveal anything more #i just wanna vent #i dont wanna attack people (other than myself) and i dont wanna over dramatize anything #these are just my raw feelings and thats it #thats my disclaimer #venting

1 note · View note

vuelie-frost · 5 years

Text

Living in the woods

aka, vuelie-frost verbally babbling why Elsa lives in the forest instead of Arendelle. This is still a part of the ending that flickers my unease, even this morning after having slept on it. This isn’t a post to convince anyone, but literally just my own thoughts and processing. Hopefully by the end I’ll be more accepting, or even excited about Elsa’s development. I don’t like it, but it doesn’t mean it’s bad or the wrong decision. Separating the part of me that has desires (ie that Elsa would be queen in Arendelle forever and ever) and the part of me that recognizes cinema as a series of complex character arcs (ie what I desire might not actually be best, or in character) is REALLY HARD. But I posit it’s essential to interpreting media in a healthy way. I 100% trust Jen Lee and Chris Buck, not because I idolize them, but because they so obviously care about these characters and this world. Maybe I’m too starry-eyed, but I don’t get the sense that they did this sequel for the cash cow. Now Disney execs probably pushed them in this direction for that reason (Disney is a corporation at the end of the day,) but Jen has stated that they didn’t want to make a sequel if there wasn’t a story to tell. They still felt parts of the story were left unsaid, and that’s why they pursued this film. That said, the movie takes on a LOT, and I have a hunch that’s why it feels so fast paced. Not only is it a kids’ movie and therefore has to hold your attention at all times, but it packs in a lot of plot and character development into a short timespan. The sacrifice of a fast pace is the realism of some situations. Is it realistic that Anna would process her grief over Elsa so quickly? In the real world, no. Probably not. Is it realistic Elsa would so easily hand over the throne when it was something she enjoyed and was good at? Probably not. But (and the first movie had some similar issues too,) we have to suspend disbelief a bit. This isn’t exclusive to Frozen; it happens in all movies. You see it in small bits where someone hangs up the phone without saying “bye,” or when people make eye contact and something spoken goes unsaid. That doesn’t really happen in real life. But we turn a blind eye to those details because the larger purpose of the story is more important than those details. And as these details in Frozen are only rushed, not invalid or stupid, we can still accept them. The idea that Elsa belongs in the forest/among nature is hard for me to accept, but again, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It just means my vision for her wasn’t what the writers thought was best. And the writers know her better than I do. They did her such justice in the first film and even in this film (her poor skills at charades? GOD RELATABLE.) I’ve often fantasied, albeit unconsciously, about the Elsa I’d like to see. I realize that in the 6 years since Frozen, I’ve loved the idea of Elsa as a mysterious, snow-bound sorceress type, living a somewhat solitary life. Still as human, flawed, and precious as ever, but becoming “larger than life” figuratively. Someone revered, respected, maybe a little bit feared upon first impression, but ultimately gentle and warmhearted. Loved by all. Feared by her enemies. (In fact, I write an RP character who is partially inspired by Elsa and partially an infusion of my own personality, and to my own surprise, this character is on that exact path. Unconscious channeling much?) Maybe.. that’s exactly what she is now. The fact that I’m uncomfortable with this just development testifies that 1) she feels out of my control, which makes me feel vulnerable, which makes me feel angry and 2) I’ve at least partially idolized her for her job (queen) instead of her as a whole person Note that I’m not using the reasoning of “she belongs with Anna all the time” as a cause for my uneasiness. This is more about Elsa as a standalone character than their relationship. One, I’m not an Elsanna shipper, so the physical dislocation of two siblings doesn’t scream “heartbreaking” to me. It’s incredibly normal to have family you love with your entire heart and not live with them full-time, if at all. Maybe it’s because I’m the oldest sibling and can see this dynamic more clearly. Two, Elsa could not step into her new role if she didn’t have the unbreakable support system that is Anna behind her. If there was ANY doubt of their relationship’s strength, I’m positive Elsa wouldn’t leave her baby sister to rule alone. It’s not that they don’t need each other. On the contrary, and perhaps paradoxically, they need the other so much that the epilogue could not come to fruition if their bond wasn’t ironclad. I’m still going to miss Elsa as queen. I’m not..... totally unconvinced that she’s not still a “queen,” someone with political leverage in Arendelle, as she’s still its protector and a royal by birthright. It hasn’t been ruled out that they’re co-rulers, just operating in different spheres. I’m waiting for more interviews/podcasts with Jen that I hope will address this detail. If not and Elsa’s technically a princess again, that’s cool too. She’s still part of the royal family and therefore can’t be a commoner or anything. But I wonder why I’m so hooked on her status as a queen, and I realize: it’s just a role. It’s not who she is. I’ve enjoyed it for the inflation of my own ego- seeing someone who’s like me in a position of leadership and reverence is incredibly validating. Watching her walk with beauty and grace as a beloved queen lets me live vicariously. But I have a working hypothesis that escapism in fictional characters is actually our attempt to connect with the real world better. I’ve so badly wanted her to remain queen because it validates ME. It helps ME believe that someone with her set of quirks and nuances can succeed. The issue isn’t with Elsa abdicating the throne- it’s with me assuming that she’s not herself if she’s not in a position of power, and then it throws my own identity into question. And it admittedly has to do with the ambiguity of being the “fifth spirit.” I was worried Elsa would transform into a spirit being, or ghost, or ethereal creature that was no longer human. That doesn't happen, to as much as I understand the movie (she transforms her dress, steps onto a symbol that unites the four spirits, and then unfreezes after the dam breaks.... but there isn’t some spirit-world complete transformation of her essence.) The part of her that’s magic IS inhuman, which is self-evident (no other human in this universe has magic abilities LOL), but that’s not to say she’s inhuman. I’ve also mentioned that I interpret this role as descriptive, not prescriptive. She was a gift to Iduna and Agnarr from birth. This is who she was meant to be from day 1- the potential was inside her the whole time, manifesting in the form of ice magic. I theorize she’s awakened into the 5th spirit role, but it was never something where she had to change in order to become it. (Now deeper lore, like how a 5th spirit existed when Agnarr was a kid and what subsequently happened to it, is still a mystery. I’m interpreting it to mean that the 5th spirit is a role of unification, not a spirit in and of itself. And once the forest became trapped, it dissipated by definition. Elsa was born to fulfill that lost role again, OR to be the first physical catalyst to hold it. Not to mention Anna is imperative here as well- they’re both the bridge.) Someone else mentioned that since their mother was Northuldra, Elsa’s actually among her own people. This is important too, I think. Imagine if Elsa went back to the castle canonically after all that happens. They’d be leaving a huge part of their family history out there, not to mention Ahtohallan which Elsa obviously has a mysterious connection with. I think if Elsa did go back to Arendelle permanently, we’d be having similar conversations in reverse by claiming that she really does belong near Ahtohallan and in nature with the spirits. We can’t win. She belongs in both places- among her family & among her predestined purpose. And she’s able to come and go among them both whenever she’d like. That’s her true independence. She’s FREE, wholehearted and integrated. I also mentioned in a previous post my penchant for a savior complex, probably stemming from my own issues with codependence and infatuation. I won’t get too far into those here again except to say: I liked “needy” Elsa because I wanted to envision myself as the one saving her. That’s my own thorn. It originates from a total infatuation with her that I’m still working on letting go (ha.) But I’m sure I’m not the only one who experiences this. It’s because she’s a character so meaningful to me that I care so much about her, even to an unhealthy degree. I know she’s not real. I know the fantasy of knowing her and “fixing” her is irrational, weird, unfounded, and impossible. But that’s ME, not her. Show Yourself, which is beautiful and emotional, unexpectedly made me feel a little sad to know she’s no longer aching to find herself. Maybe I want that kind of certainty for myself, especially as I’m on the cusp of finding a new job & moving. Maybe it’s my unhealthy fixation on her that wants her to remain insecure so that I can feel validated as her “protector” (again, weird and irrational. I can’t explain my brain’s projections.) Maybe it’s not as clear cut as I want it to be, and I just need to- brace yourselves- let it go. ; ) Granted I still have reservations about her new role, like how someone who was pampered all her life & is known for her pose & grace will adjust to essentially camping 24/7, but those are details and inherently flexible. You can’t say she doesn’t belong in the forest just because she’s not acclimated yet. Now what I feel a lot of people feel unease over is the loss of the first movie’s ending. And by that I mean, we have to disregard our previous headcanon that Elsa remained queen for her lifetime. I mean, we assumed that for 6 whole years and had all that time to flourish in our creative exploits built on that premise. So it undoubtedly feels a little dissonant to have a sequel that goes “nope, not true.” I think that’s normal, and it’s the kind of thing that becomes accepted with time. Shifting our mental framework of Elsa & Anna’s respective futures will take some getting used to. Again, it doesn’t make it a bad ending (you’re free to think that, of course! But something unexpected =/= something bad.) tl;dr vuelie-frost has a lot of feelings and concerns that are pretty indicative of her own issues, not the movie’s. Frozen 2 isn’t perfect but a lot of my grief could be alleviated by focusing on my own projections and expectations, and shifting my perspective to be more open and accepting. You know how people say attitude is everything? It’s annoying but it’s true. And I mean, I still love this movie and want to buy all the merch and draw Elsa endlessly, so my love for the franchise is obviously still THRIVING

#frozen 2 #frozen 2 spoilers #elsa #rambling

46 notes · View notes

bapydemonprincess · 4 years

Note

Sebagni and Sebamey for the ask meme!

Welp, lets see if my brain works :D

Sebagni:

When I started shipping it if I did: Well, you see there was this blog with a fanfic I discovered called “Metanoia”, and though I’d loved their interactions in manga and anime before that, I didn’t really ship them full on until picking up THAT story. ;3

My thoughts: THEY ARE HUSBANDS!!!!!! periodt. 🥰

What makes me happy about them: How Agni opens up to Sebastian, isn’t intimidated, CALLS HIM HIS FRIEND, even when fighting each other they look so HAPPY, how Yana drew them sitting on a fuckin tete-a-tete chair which normally is for couples at parties in victorian times wanting to flirt and woo each other >:3333 NEED I SAY ANYMORE???

What makes me sad about them:

YANA RUINED THEIR CHANCES OF BECOMING CANON 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: I haven’t found much in the rare sebagni fics I do find, but there are points in certain ones where usually one or the other forces their affection on the other in a sudden random bout of desire and that trope really, really doesn’t suit sebagni I think, nor do I like forcing things in general and wish that fic trope would just die out... 😔

Things I look for in fanfic: SLOW GRADUAL BUILD UP AND DEVELOPMENT, like almost, you know, like REAL LIFE??? Cause things like pinning someone and forcing them into a kiss doesn’t happen in real life and actually WORK too, that’s a little something called assault, boys and girls. uwu

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Oh, obviously a lot of options come to mind for the shippy thot demon XD BUT... Agni is much harder... Perhaps another sweet soul, like Mey Rin, or Paula? uwu

My happily ever after for them: Either Agni getting Seb to quit the contract via falling in love with him, and they live together forever, OR Seb does finish the contract, Agni understands and accepts this.. and they live together happily with that as well!

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: Pfft, such an obvious question. >w< Agni is the big spoon (LITERALLY) and Sebastian is the little spoon. uwu

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: Enjoying the kitties Seb has, telling each other stories, going for walks with each other 💖💖💖💖

Sebamey:

When I started shipping it if I did: Oooo I forget a specific pin-point, it always was there I think, cause I thought Mey Rin’s crush was adorable and felt so bad for her TwT Maybe after getting to RP it out in the one we did a bit before this recent one (and still will hopefully get back to TwT) where Mey Rin confesses her love to the demon and has a fun first romp in a closet! XD Also recent chapters with flashbacks have definitely fueled the shipping fire!

My thoughts: They are freakin ADORABLE together, such a unique type of pairing, with such an experienced dark demon, falling for a sweet soft girl >w< who can also KICK ASS when she needs to! >:3

What makes me happy about them: That there’s moments in the manga and anime that stand out as very Sebamey to me, like Mey landing on Sebastian when she fell in earlier chaps, and Sebastian telling her softly “You are a young woman, after all.~” in the Murder Arc >w<

What makes me sad about them: Canon things in the manga obviously make it likely impossible we’ll ever see any hints of a real romance. TwT *sigh*

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: Again the forcefulness I see in the rare fanfics I find are just not fun.. I want people to try things like Sebastian trying to WOO her like a proper victorian gentleman!!! 😭

Things I look for in fanfic: As I’ve been saying Slow natural development and buildup is what I like to see in shippy stories!!

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: ALMOST same answer as before; Sebastian has plenty of options, and MEY MEY... well.. not only does the khansama come to mind, but also a certain red reaper we NEVER see her interact with outside early Jack the Ripper stuff! Let Mey Rin and Reaper Grelle Sutcliff meet again to really get to know each other! >:3

My happily ever after for them: Similar to last time, Sebastian finishes the contract, Mey understands, and they go off to live together somewhere far from that drama and angst! ... Maybe he turns her into a demon, too! 😍

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: I think they switch it up depending on the mood! Seb may be seen as a “bottom” in most cases, but he can definitely be Mey’s big spoon, maybe purring for her as well if she knows he’s a demon >w< and if the butler has had a bad day, Mey can comfort him by being HIS big spoon for once, and petting his hair and singing to him. uwu

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: Surprisingly doing the daily chores and stuff together! Stealing kisses and little pinches here and there >w< and also lying down to read together and pet kitties uwu

#answer #Sebagni #Sebamey #thank you for the ask hun!!!#grelleswife

7 notes · View notes

thememcry · 4 years

Text

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent ( potentially ) / fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. (apparently there are youtube comments circulating about how boring or weak aerith is. if an explanation needs be provided for how strong of a woman, character, and fighter she is in her own regard then the point of the character is missed entirely.)

Are they underrated? YES / NO.

Were they relevant to the main story? YES / NO.

Were they relevant to the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. (the big baddies know of her, the little baddies know to look for her and the heroes just learned of why she’s important).

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?

it depends entirely on the person / character i’m writing and what verse they’re in. when someone approaches me and doesn’t specify a verse i give them main verse (ff7r) and follow canon as closely as i’d like. but most of my threads diverge from canon for exploration or other purposes. i’m not concerned with how close to canon my aerith is ------obviously i’d like people to hear her voice when i have her speak, or see her performing the actions i have her commit to but i’d also like this interpretation to be my own. so when someone reads a piece of my writing they say oh yes, that’s kay’s aerith definitely.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutual.

i could make an entire post about all of the things i love about aerith gainsborough on its own, so i’ll try not to let this be too rambly.

she is such a three-dimensional character and she always has been. people expect just to meet the damsel in distress, to rely on cloud and company to help her out at every twist and turn. square even did a good job selling her appearance: soft pinks, gentle features, and when she was given a voice actor the first few times they always went the route of someone who had a lighter lilt. to the first glance she is very much all of those things. except it’s not all she is.

aerith wears masks to cover the horrendous things that happened to her as a child: experimentation, the shocking loss of her mother after escaping it, crushing loneliness, an awareness that she was different and nobody around who understood the properties of that difference to explain it to her in a way that didn’t terrify her. she heard the planet, could tell when people passed away and rejoined the lifestream, surrounded by all of these voices yet so fucking alone. and did she let it make her bitter? did she become angry or cold, jaded or cruel? no. aerith is kind and giving without being too self-sacrificing and without making her boring. she’s not as innocent as people are made to believe.

look at her first interactions with cloud. she flirts mercilessly with him, and then you discover she did it to zack, too. she’s not afraid to express herself in any fashion and she’s unapologetic about how forward and positive she is. despite all of the shitty things that happened to her, she’s still all of these great things. she’s scrappy, she can be a brat (ask the turks!) and she blooms under the cover of oppression that she lives. sure, she’s in a beautiful house with a loving mother figure but she’s in the slums and she’s being watched constantly by some part of the company that wants to see her dissected or worse.

and she’s divine. no, literally. of course it takes her death for the realization of that divinity to really be understood by the fan base and even by her own party, but once aerith dies she becomes an actual deity. it’s sad that you don’t get her in your party any more but it’s obvious how much she affected everyone she worked with (and even those she didn’t). they spend the rest of the game avenging her, they spend the rest of the game explaining their grief over her loss, promising her death won’t be in vain. and once that’s done? there’s an entire movie where cloud deals with his grief over everything, but mainly his self-appointed guilt over her death. as if he could have changed it? i mentioned to @seraphicwiing in a conversation (an au one) about sephiroth and aerith ------he didn’t kill or break her. he gifted her divinity.

so this sweet flower girl goes from a first appearance damsel in distress to an actual conduit of the planet, watching over her friends and everyone else from the spiritual plane of it. controlling the lifestream itself to rise up and crush back meteor.

if you don’t like her by this point, it’s a lost cause. honestly, just go play pacman or something.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).

maybe strong female leads aren’t your cup of tea? perhaps you really wanted aerith to maintain her softness and have none of the bite or edge that i argue make her interesting?

some people want a strong woman to be something like paine in ffx-2, or lightning in ffxiii, or even lulu in ffx itself ... dark and perhaps a bit brooding, angry with someone or something. they can be gentle but they’re mostly a razor sharp edge threatening to slice anyone who tries to get close to them. aerith is arguably a hot take on the stronger female leads ... even compared to tifa. you don’t doubt that a woman who fights with her fists is a tough, bad bitch ... but aerith isn’t physically strong. she’s the image of a princess honestly and that’s just not what some people want to see or deal with.

arguably her personality can come off a bit strong. she’s snarky and, as i said, a tease. she can be bratty from time to time and that can absolutely be read as irritating, especially to someone whose looking for negative personality traits to focus on at a first glance.

and a lot of people just see her as a love interest to cloud. and she is, i won’t deny that. it’s been further addressed in the remake with her dream sequence that cloud absolutely has feelings for her. it dredges up the age-old argument from 1997 of: tifa or aerith. why does it have to be or? why can’t he love them both in different ways? or the same way? it’s not like aerith has a lot of time to be the love interest, anyway. we all know how disc 1 ended, by this point.

perhaps people see her end-game divinity as a deus-ex mechanic. sure, it kind of it. but the game never hid its intentions of why aerith was there. she was always special, we just didn’t know how. she always had holy, we just didn’t know what it meant at the time. but it does seem a bit convenient that right as the meteor is going to crush midgar ------here comes the lifestream, holding it back so holy can stop it! wow, amazing! darn that aerith and her connection to the planet. how awful. maybe cloud could have just braver’d it.

What inspired you to rp your muse?

i love her. it’s just that simple. she’s so complex and so different from other characters i tend to gravitate toward. she has a darkness but she’s good, genuinely. i usually go for people who are deeply seeded in some kind of trauma, or are just generally a piece of shit. and aerith certainly has her trauma, but she’s risen above it. she chooses to live her life as much as she can before the ultimate doom clock ticks to 0, you know?

i admire her beauty. not just her physical beauty (and she is), but the beauty of her as a person. i wish i could be as endlessly positive as she is, even faced against such awful odds. i wish i could be the kind of person who surrounds themselves with people who love them, despite their flaws. but i am very much the opposite of aerith.

i consider myself endlessly lucky to be a mouthpiece of some kind of version of her. this is a character i’ve had a connection to since i was like, 7 or 9 (and i’m 30 now). the very fact that i get to log in every day and express some form of this wonderful character keeps me connected to her. she has a loud voice in my head, and i think she always had. i think that remake just re-lit the flame for her.

i wrote her a long time ago, during myspace rp days. but we all know how myspace ended. so i choose to write her now because it feels right. and i really do enjoy having someone who shines so brightly in my head.

What keeps your inspiration going?

the same as everyone else, i think: music, clips of the character, art of her ... but mostly? my writing partners. i wouldn’t be anywhere without the people in this site who come to me every day with an interest in my interpretation of aerith. i never expected so many lovely humans to want to see what i can do with her. but i have people dm’ing me on discord every day with ideas or thoughts, with musings or what-if’s ... and it really just keeps this muse so alive for me.

even though i have a backlog of drafts and inbox things to answer, i can know that they will get done ... it’s just up to me as a human to write things out.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO.

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO.

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO. (i’d prefer to write out a reply to a solo drabble).

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO.

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO.

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

in the proper context. i don’t want someone coming on here and telling me i play aerith wrong because it’s not what she would do canon. that’s cool, i don’t write her strictly canon. but if i’m having doubts and i ask for the feedback, i’m open to it.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?

always. i am 100% always accepting development questions.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

nope. i don’t care if you agree with my headcanons or not. i’m sure there are people who don’t like that i have a ship with a sephiroth, or a reeve, or that i’ve had her mess around with rufus or biggs. i’m sure there are people who despise the way i make her speak to people ... and that’s fine. they’re allowed to. but this is my interpretation of aerith and so far i’m loving everything that i’ve gotten to do with her. especially those things that include character building with others.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

they’re allowed to disagree. they’re also not beholden to follow me. i won’t be upset if they unfollow me. it’s their comfort, after all. and i’d rather spend time on here enjoying myself than either having someone voice their dislike of my interpretation or get vocal about how they’re uncomfortable.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

people have really hated aerith since 1997. they’re allowed to have their silly opinions of her. and i’m allowed not to entertain them.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?

please do. i’m human and i make mistakes. i’d love to fix them.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?

yes, but i’ve had people mention that i seem a little unapproachable. please approach me. if you want to write with me let me know. if you want to chat ooc with me talk to me. i promise i’m an absolute dimwit on my side of the screen. i’m spacy but i try to be as nice and welcoming as possible. somehow i’ve conned a few friends out of this rpc already with my idiocy, so please please please come chat with me.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

#❀ ﹙ about ﹚ « poetry bleeds from ivory bones like sweet syrup »#❀ ﹙ ooc ﹚ « what did you say? »#❀ ﹙ mun ﹚ « aaaaaaaaaaaa »

6 notes · View notes