#which will probably take weeks lmao
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I started crocheting my first blanket today and my hand hurts so unbelievably bad and I’m not even a quarter done with it 🫡🫡
#it’s about five feet across#so I’m thinking five feet down but like. MY LORD!!!!!!#it took me like four hours just to get about 8 inches done#NOT EVEN A FULL FOOT YET?????#and I tried putting my brace on but it made it hurt worse sidhdkfjf#also sorry I’ve been so disconnected on here lately#I feel like I don’t belong here anymore which is no one’s fault#but it makes me very sad bc I miss being active on here and actually enjoying everything#I just feel very apathetic which could just be my Prozac LOL#sorry I’m rambling but I will post a pic of my blanket when I finish!!#which will probably take weeks lmao#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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Dropping 3 episodes at once is such an evil thing to do to gifmakers! Just saying!
(jk I love it)
#yes i'm dutifully downloading and converting files#the most unsung part of making gifs lmao#i watched the first episode in the morning (in a room i couldn't black out which was a mistake!) and then went to work#and i'm about to get off work to finish watching#and then i'll probably rewatch tonight just so i can absorb every dimly lit scene in all its glory#also i think we can all agree that halbrand!sauron is the embodiment of 'if evil why hot'#like#i can't check the tag before finishing watching but i'll be surprised if there aren't a million sets of him come tomorrow and well-deserved#i don't even know where i want to start#also i'll probably be taking requests in the coming weeks#and i'll be using 'rop spoilers' for the really spoiler-y parts bc i know not everyone will be able to watch asap#(idk why i'm doing all this via tag commentary in the year of our lord 2024 but here we are lol)#(also i should probably tell y'all my main so you know when it's me liking posts in this fandom... i'm shy tho so we'll see haha)
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working on the gojo fic …. and also the sugu fic……… gonna hopefully read the chapter today and make a long ranty post abt it too. BUT i’m probably gonna focus on fic writing for a bit, so it might take me some time to get back to answering asks and reading fics!!!! :’3
#just a heads up !!!!!#in case you’ve sent any asks#i really do need to take a day to just. answer All of them at once 😭 i’m sorry for being so slow!!! i’m very excited to reply to them!!!!!!#i’m still working on building up my queue lmao#so i’m planning to throw a bunch of fics and fanart and asks in there so i can just. let it run its course afterwards#which i think is prob the best option#BUT it does mean that i’ll probably be a little inactive here mayb :’3#anyway anyway . i’m gonna try to get the gojo fic out this weekend :33 and then next week the sugu fic!!!#ari noises ✩
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[[ok folks i have been having soooo much fun with this and u can probably tell but i think im gonna take a quick lil break just for this saturday bc i am TIREDDDD!!! but still feel free to send more asks in the meantime!!]]
#ooc#SHORT break i promise i have been enjoying this wayy too much to leave it for more than a day or two#that being said. well if you see posts tomorrow anyway that means i probably changed my mind the second i got up in the morning lmao#currently i feel like it would be wise to take a day to rest after working on this as well as So Much Homework through the week#v glad i decided on the queue its been helpfulll#ahewm anyway yea you get it!!! i feel like yall have been having a lotta fun with it too which im super happy about :>#v satisfying seeing ppl pick up on things i put down even if we're not in the nitty gritty just yet#see u all soon enough!!!
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so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh
#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr 2.2#hsr spoilers#hsr leaks#the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am#i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before#but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one#so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days#it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me#but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and#gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it#and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story#not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know#but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game#anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream#pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we#i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing#Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it#and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet#also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good#Seven.txt#viddy game stuff
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what if i made
psychic pstickers
#my ideas so far are: psoup psticker#and that's it. lmao#btw sorry for not posting; had to take an unexpected hiatus owo;#anyway if i decided to do this it wouldn't be for another few months bc i have exams coming up; i'm not technically free till mid-june 😀🔫#(speaking of which i'll probably have to go on hiatus again in a couple of weeks for that)#however while i'm busy i thought it would be fun to throw this idea out there#like if there are any specific arts i've made that i should turn into pstickers™ what would y'all suggest?#that's the official name btw. pstickers. lol#fnf psychic#fnf mind games#mod light
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the struggle of wanting to pick up a game you've been meaning to replay for a hot minute-- yet also not quite wanting to do that, because you just know it's gonna suck up all your focus for at least the rest of the day-- (if not the coming week or so, depending on how much i wanna play lmao)
#{|ooc post|}#was goofing around with my vita before coming home-- and that *really* tempted me to pick up Collar x Malice again-- but...#i know even with a guide to follow all the endings over-- a full replay is still gonna take me fuckin ages lol#so i'm debating on if i wanna start that now-- or try and focus on writing-- then save gaming for when i'm back with friends again lol#(especially considering that sometime this week i also wanna binge the rest of HB-- which is probably gonna kill me too lmao)#(but like-- writing brain is struggling to brain rn-- so i'm just kinda here screaming inside about wtf i wanna do X'D)
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nothing like waking up and immediately having horrible migraine aura followed by a horrible fckn migraine to just completely derail all the plans you had 😖
#last week was very very VERY stressful & busy and a lot of my day to day shit fell to the wayside#and yesterday was really good in terms of getting back to normal! I was like hell yeah crushin it!#and then I started getting the tell tale pre migraine headache last night and I was like I'll take meds to combat this now! try and prevent!#lot of good that did me! haven't had the aura shit in a while fckn doozy of a day had to scrap everything and crawl back into bed#feel slightly better? vision still isn't uhhhh... like I wouldn't drive rn lol but at least it's a little better#head is still fucked but it'll probably be that was until tomorrow#god I hate this I know it's from the massive weather change coming gonna rain for a week straight 😞#and because I'm so fckn old now AND have nerve damage my whole body is just FUCKED from going back to cold ass weather#I did find out today my brother and I experience different migraine auras though which was interesting#still can't wear my glasses tho so lmao def can't drive or do practically anything at all 🙃#just now able to look at my phone (only apps in dark mode fck u tumblr for being one of the only apps that has dark mode)#can't even brainstorm on fic which is killing me I can only sit like a potato and just exist#brain cannot imagine things only pound pound pound#erin explains it all
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on the off chance anyone on here followed me for my jonmartin fake dating au, currently standing tragically unfinished at 7 out of 8 chapters: i'm still working on the last chapter! i would love to have it up this year, but unfortunately i can't make any promises, because i've started a new medication and the side effects are wreaking havoc on my mind and body. haha isn't chronic illness fun. but rest assured the fic is the beating heart under my floorboards, and i WILL finish it one day
#i feel pretty bad about it because my update schedule has been really inconsistent for the whole fic :///#and now the final chapter is going to be even more epically delayed than the other ones#should've probably finished the whole thing properly before i started posting it but you live and learn i guess#my chronic illness really messed with my ability to write and i hate it#like the chapter is almost done. under normal circumstances it wouldn't take me long to finish it#but it's like my brain has forgotten how to make words happen. ugh.#i don't want to let people down by making them wait so long for an update#but i also don't want to let them down by giving them a mediocre chapter y'know#if all goes well the new meds might help with both the chronic fatigue *and* the depression which would be an absolute godsend#but ngl. the side effects are rough. and they can apparently last for up to six weeks#and i've only been taking the meds for about 2 1/2 weeks so i've still got a long road ahead of me#i also started my period yesterday which certainly doesn't help lmao#delete later maybe#just needed to vent for a lil bit. and as everyone knows there's no better place to discuss your private business than tumblr dot com
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I decided because I love suffering that everyone gets their own halter.
#-pops on once in a blue moon to update and dip-#like what it's been. ten years since I've basically said 'hey life is crazy but I really wanna try to be active again!!' lmfao#somehow life keeps getting crazier in good and absolutely abysmal ways#have been sleeping on my floor for the past week due to Fun Health Issues which will probably be a thing for the next month+#and I would b*tch about that but today is the first day in the past week that I have not been miserable so#I'm on a 'I do not feel like sh*t! :DDDD' high lmao#I'm good!! life is just funny and I really need to do standup tbh#when I suffer apparently I am hilarious so silver linings 💕#chaotically toggles between emoticons and emojis bc f*ck the police no one can stop me#this is me a week *not* taking my prescribed amphetamines ahahaha#on them I am actually relaxed and chill which is funny#off them I'm either a sloth or nighttime kitty zooms basically#my body may b falling apart but you cannot stop my chaotic little mind apparently#ANYWAY broken record babey but I do... want to be more active.... if it happens I'll eat my hat but.#can I just say how elated I am that MORE SNOW#Winter Riders was my first SS game so. snow in game is v special to me and I literally dreamed about this and they MAGICALLY DELIVERED#I have a million critiques but clearly I still love the game and I am very happy with how they handled this lmao#anyway I hope everyone is healthier and a little more mentally stable than I <3#I love this stupid game a lot it is still my comfort... n0n-object. sldkfj.#also everyone must know I am f*cking OBSESSED with the unicorn oh my god#still a ponygirl at heart ig 😒 owell#also ye Dragonheart got an update!! heeeee#Dragonheart#Illusion#Brilliant Vision#Myth#Chocolate Dream#mostly sticking to two part names but ngl. for certain special horses I'm enjoying the single name options#also the halter thing is to sorta discourage me from impulse buying horses lmfao#I am 99% positive it will have 0 effect lmaooooo but everyone looks fancy now
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Ngl I’m getting tired of people asking me about my start date for the new role im gonna be taking up soon. Like. The area isn’t done being built yet. The SECOND I know a start date I’m gonna be frolicking around my current location cheering about it, Y’ALL WILL KNOW. I WISH I had a start date but I don’t 😭
#even worse the MANAGERS are asking about it#LIKE WON’T YOU GUYS KNOW BEFORE I DO?#it’s probably gonna be by May or June. HOPEFULLY earlier?#then one person had the audacity to say they lied to me about it like no?#i literally had a meeting about everything the other week. I have the job#sorry it just pissed me off and I need to rant lmao#I know people are just excited and one of the hosts is waiting for me to leave so she can transfer into bussing#which idk why she wants that downgrade but whatevs#but trust me. I wanna get out of here I’m losing my sanity more and more each day lmao#but luckily I don’t close the rest of this week#off at 10 tonight I open the next two days#off Tuesday bc someone thankfully took my shift#then work 4-10 Wednesday and Thursday#and off Friday and Saturday#having a lil’ potluck with some friends on Friday then taking my niece to her first ever convention on Saturday!
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aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.
#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol#anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly#but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size#acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years#and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating#(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive#when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time)#and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die.#and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well#and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom#and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao#like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is#anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus.#but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333#god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by#but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr#anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help.#but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation.#i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.
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fish update that nobody asked for lmao
#so my tank came in busted :)#they wont refund me but they're sending a replacement#n i bought the last one in stock#so who knows how long its gonna take to get the replacement#so i have all the materials n no tank#n then i still need to let the tank cycle for like 2-4 weeks#so i lost the fishy i reserved rip#hoping nobody takes him in the meantime butttt#he pretty so probably :')#n the hardscape i ordered was way more jagged than in the pictures#which is not good bc betta have delicate fins#n i cannot return >:(#so i had to buy new smoother stones#sigh#BITCH IM A MOTHER LMAO#anyways#keep ur fingey crossed that nobody takes my fucking fish while im waiting for the tank to come in >:(#i just want my son already >:(
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i found out today that i wasn't the only person on my team to get laid off, which makes me feel better. misery loves company etc
#they axed TWO people on my team of FIVE. absolute massacre#the other guy is here on a visa too so he has to find a new job in 2 months or else he gets deported#fucking awful!!!!! at least i can take my sweet time. which i intend to lmao i need a week or two to recover#i get 8 weeks severance and i'm still gonna get my annual incentive in april which'll probably be another month of salary#and i do have savings. if i'm frugal i could be fine until the end of the year#but i obviously don't want to do that lmao i'm aiming for being employed or at least close within 2 months#anyway my work bestie gave me the scoop today. she's taking over my work for me when i'm gone#my last day is the 26th and from now until then all my meetings are with her to ~*~ knowledge transfer ~*~#half our happy hour squad was laid off 😭 our friend who works at the parent company was also laid off#we're gonna go out and get trashed friday night as a last hurrah#work bestie and i are still down to keep the happy hours going lol but we'll see how the other half of the squad feels#m.txt
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trying not to think about it but also i need to figure out what im gonna do with my hermit crabs and it's not like. urgent but at some point im gonna have to figure out how to change out their substrate and also there's a solid chance i'll have to rehome them someday :(
#(not rehoming them anytime soon but i wanna mentally prepare myself a little for when that day comes)#anyway re: substrate change. this is a 45gal tank filled with ~50lbs of sand etc. and i live in a 4th floor walkup#playsand comes in 25lb bags which i am not physically capable of carrying up 3 flights of stairs. my ex had to do it when we moved here#maybe i can like. hire someone to carry it up the stairs???#but then i have to figure out how to dispose of their current substrate which again. LOTS of sand.#i could probably board them at work for a week or so in a smaller tank while i do the changeout#idk man it's just like. a lot#i feel bad their tank is so fucked and it's like. i can't physically fix the problem!!!#and as far as rehoming like. idk if move out someday i really doubt im gonna wanna move the tank.#i guess it depends on what kinda living situation im going to#and eventually i'll have to move out. or my roommate will move out and i won't be able to afford the mortgage on my own#and still have to move out lol#anyway again none of this is happening soon i just need to accept the reality of the situation#and like am i really gonna go through the nightmare logistics of a substrate change only to rehome them soon after?#but on the same token. am i really gonna give someone a nasty-ass tank? lmao#so. idk. i gotta think on that one.#i just feel bad for them i mean they have a fairly good quality of life#especially considering what most hermit crabs suffer lmao#but. i wish i could do better for them#i could probably find someone to take them at least because of my job lol#the logistics will suck no matter what and also i love those little guys and i'm getting sad just thinking about it :(#but they're only gonna get bigger and i definitely can't upgrade their tank in my current living situation#so either way something has to give ya know?
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Hi guys I think I had/have serotonin syndrome today and yesterday. Started a new drug for el fibro
#I started lyrica but I’m already on cymbalta#I took the lowest dose only once for two days and I’m hypersensitive so it did it to me#I feel so out of it. I messaged my doctor cuz I only have the mild symptoms and not a TON of them but#got the headache the EXTREME anger/agitation the diarrhea and I feel out of it and had trouble swallowing a little bit#a little cold yesterday but nothing too unusual#I didn’t take today’s dose of cymbalta or my vitamins cuz idk if#they can fuck me up#and I’m skipping lyrica till my doctor says to take it again#I asked her for the liquid version so I can take like 10 mg instead of 50#but the crazy thing is it worked like INSTANTLY within a couple hours of taking it the first day which was Saturday#and it’s supposed to take 2-4 weeks. so. that’s the sign in my family that the dose is too high/something is wrong lmao#but Saturday was pure bliss. I felt calm but energetic. least amount of pain I’d had in years without being stoned out of my gourd#I was happy. nice. polite. things that usually annoyed me and made me snap just didn’t. I could tolerate things so well#I REALLY hope I can take this drug on a micro dose cuz the lack of pain has been phenomenal. I didn’t wear my ankle braces today cuz I’m#still not in pain#my brother had serotonin syndrome from taking a half a dose of an antidepressant once so it seems like a genetic predisposition#like the pain relief is on par with having hydrocodone after my tonsil or wisdom teeth removal it’s INSANE#i just need to um. not have probable serotonin syndrome lmao
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