#while i get it. just... idk. feels like when they killed flash. so much shit we might never ever get back

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Luke:My favorite lyric here is definitely when Ariana suddenly says...

Luke:”Wishing on a shooting star in the sky”. “We can do anything, if we try”. “Can’t ressurect Ghandi”. “But if we put our heads together”. “We can do anything”.

Alex:Probably my favorite pop song lyric of all time.

Luke:Wish on a star! You can be who you are! We can do anything! Except ressurect Martin Luther King Jr who was killed by the FBI.

[nimmie-nugget]

~Reincarnated as a Knolastname~

Note: HAPPY SPOOKY MONTH!! 🎃👻 gonna be honest- I actually think Crimson might have cared atleast a bit for Moxxie when he was a child 😭 Anyway~ take some reincarnated Moxxie’s Sister Reader Headcanons!! 🥳 Do keep in mind that characters may be ooooooooc, and when there’s 8 O’s you know it’s extreme 🤯. Also I haven’t been doing Tokito Twin’s content for a while so I just wanna reassure that I have some HCs coming up for them 😫!! Enjoy!

P.s in the back flashes of EXES AND OOHS I think Moxxie was 4? Yeah so that makes you 7, your 3 years older 😋👌 tho age is not mentioned at all- and I will make fics of this 😤

Warnings: a lot of slang(not rlly a warning, just thought I’d mention), ooc, may have punctuation, spelling grammer/etc errors,

Info: idk man just wanted to add this 😐

Edit: HOW DOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS- A POST I BARELY PUT ANY EFFORT INTO GET MORE RECOGNITION THEN THIS POST, THE ONE I ACTUALLY PUT EFFORT INTO 👹👹 I appreciate the likes tho don’t take it in a bad way- 😭👌

Edit#2: I recommend u don’t read 💀👍

Helluva Boss Masterlist

______________________________________________________________________

~Reaction to being Reincarnated~

-long story short you don’t know how you ended up here but you found yourself being the daughter of some random old ass guy that’s gonna be the main reason for your character development arc.

-at least that mom with an unknown name will provide you sweets and shit-

-gonna put sum realz shizz on this family fr.

______________________________________________________________________

~Death~

-isn’t this Tumblr? Yeah long story short this turned into a Wattpad story for a second and the famous Truck-kun killed you 🗿 but you forgive Truck-kun since Truck-kun’s just being Truck-kun 😌.

______________________________________________________________________

~Inside a Mansion~

Yup this “Mansion” is someone’s womb, zamn how da heck do you still have memories of your past life? Also why does your very tiny unformed body kinda look like an imp? Just like one from your favourite show Helluva Boss? How can you even see??? It’s pitch black bro- meh it’s whatever 🤷‍♀️ it’s fun kicking at least-

______________________________________________________________________

~Borth~

…I’m not even gonna explain this 🫡 but just so you know Crimson was not there for your birth 😶

-at least you still have the same Borthdah as you did before you were reincarnated???

-Girly just 🖕 this bullshit why’d you have to be re-born in this family out of all the ones in Helluva Boss? I mean- you don’t mind being Moxxie’s gay emo sister but like- Crimson…CRIMSON. Tho make sure to start those teenager phases early so no one becomes suspicious of you when your going through the teenage thinga ma jig 😔

-but yay! You bet that Moxxie’s mom- well basically your mom now, WILL BE THE BEST 😩

-but girly you weren’t even fazed when reincarnated- just accepted it like a champ 😎

______________________________________________________________________

~Crimson’s First Thoughts On You~

-Absolutely nothing- 😃

-only thought of you as his heiress and DEFINITELY to lead his Mob in the future 😔

______________________________________________________________________

~[Unknown]’s First Thoughts On You~

-this is the Mom btw 😃

-gonna be honest I don’t know much since we’ve never really gotten a FULL view of her personality- all that I know is that she’s kind? 🤷‍♀️ Yuh so I won’t really directly say what she thought but I guess I can just- I don’t know man just read I guess 😃👌

-101% THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE AF!! what happened to infinite%? 😢

-she felt a warm and fuzzy feeling inside, something she never felt ever since she married Crimson 😔.

______________________________________________________________________

~Moxxie’s First Thoughts On You~

-‘Guppa duppa poo daaah dooo’

-don’t tell me you actually expected a real thought from him- Broski was just born 😔

______________________________________________________________________

~Your First Thoughts On Moxxie~

-‘zamn bro’s crying on his borthduh I could never 🙄💅’

-girly he’s like a few minutes old what on Satan’s ass are you talkin ‘bout? 😀

______________________________________________________________________

~What Crimson Thinks Of You~

-your a nuisance, like- what do you mean when you say “put those dawgs away💀”

-yeah you definitely got in trouble so many times- this stupid MF can’t understand slang and just thinks your insulting everyone around you 😶

-forget about you being his heiress, might as well make Moxxie his heir instead 😠

-Now take a very ooc dialogue 😋 btw this is after the Mom’s death 😃

-“[Name], cut it out. That will happen if you don’t stop.” He says calmly, too calm for you to know he’s pissed. (he was implying that he will drown you just like he did to the Mom btw-)

______________________________________________________________________

~What [Unkown] Thinks Of You~

-Loved you from the moment she layed her eyes on you 😩 (cheesy much 😶)

-wrote more then a dictionary just to prove how much she loves you 😔

-yuh that’s all I got 😐

______________________________________________________________________

~What Moxxie Thinks Of You~

He’s 4 rn-

-HE LOVES YOU!!

-your his sister why wouldn’t he- ?

-your basically his partner in crime 😈 both of you steal treats from the kitchen when your not supposed to 😤👍

-if the Mom found you 2 being naughty then sorry to tell you but yer’ both getting a time out 😔

-…BUT IF CRIMSON FOUND YOU- yuh that’s somehow gonna become a family issue problemo 😶💦______________________________________________________________________

I sometimes forget writing is for fun- but I certainly had fun writing this 😎 now I’m gonna tag this in some tags that this doesn’t even relate to which will make everyone hate me but they will soon worship me after reading this masterpiece. Praise this shit rn *points gun at you*

[bunnygirl678]

Back at it again with another Reguri AU that I don't have time to write. So steal it please! Seriously feel free to write, draw, or use it to distract your mind enough to fall asleep (is that a thing other people do or am I just freaking weird)

-Red and Green are on their honeymoon in alola (duh) and they are doing a fun little couples battle with some of the alolan pokemon they've caught

-one of the tapu's sees them and wants to fuck with them cause they're unhinged (my 5 year old has rewatched the sun/moon anime like 15 times and i still can't remember which one does what)

-sends green back into time (note this is gonna be like dragon ball z time travel where it just created a new timeline or whatever)

-he gets transported midbattle with little red, but like not the championship and most of his pokemon haven't evolved yet

-Big!green is just like awwww you guys were so cute, little!red immediately realizes that somehow Green aged like 12 years in a flash and is obv confused, green explains that he was on vacay with his Red and got sent here somehow, let's go to the lab and see if gramps can help

-they travel to the lab or whatever, and the prof is immediately like "My dead son!" cause my hc is that green looks identical to his dad, and big!green is like nah sorry gramps it's just me from the future

-and they all talk and little!red is like, you aren't an asshole, anymore? and big!green like apologizes for little!green, and is like it may not seem like it but i know he cares about you, because big!green knows that during their journey he realized he had feelings for red, but like didn't want them so he just started being an asshole

-at some point daisy sees the ring and is like "oh you got married?! Whos the lucky lady anyone we know yet?" and big!green kinda like does an awkward quick glance at little!red, and is trying to figure out how to not out his past self because this isn't his secret to tell

-the prof is like 'oh holy shit you and red figured things out' cause he observes and figured it out when green was like 7 or something, and little!red is like wtf and big!green is like yeah but not for a while and then he gives little!red some training just cause what else are they going to do, plus little!red is having a crisis, cause he thinks his version of green hates him

-then it like flips to big!red's perspective and little!green shows up freaking out shouting for his red cause they were just together, and he see's big!red who is swole af and doesn't look that much like his red so he thinks his red has been kidnapped or something, and little!green goes absolutely feral, cause remember he has feelings for his red

-he's like i'll kill you, did you hurt him, where's red, and big!red is like this is the most adorable thing I've ever seen, and like big!green at one point had told him that he had feelings for Red when they were small but Red didn't really believe it until that moment, and also he's like hmmm green and i should adopt cause he's like high on honeymoon and little!green is such a cutie

-Big!Red is like i'm red, it's fine, little!green doesn't believe it until big!red brings up something that like only he would remember like they caught a caterpie together or something idk

-big!red goes and buys little!green some food and they kinda talk and little!green can't stop staring cause wow big!red looks so different, then he sees the wedding ring and is like devastated, and is trying not to cry or whatever and big!red is like able to read him like a book cause it's green even though it's little!green it's still green, and he like pulls out his phone and it's a photo from their wedding and little!green like short circuts cause he didn't even realize that was an option

-somehow they get to switch back and the other timeline red/green work out their issues quickly both with knowledge of the future and they start dating at like 14, cause 11 year olds don't date, and red never goes up the mountain except for the occasional week of training and green always goes with him and it's never angsty like the other timeline

-the alolan honeymooners are just glad to be together again and they finish their time in alola and red's like let's adopt and green's like whatever makes you happy

[roachemoji]

Stranger Things S2 01

this is just me live blogging watching ST none of my thoughts are v coherent enjoy <3

STARTING OFF REAL INTERESTING BUT REAL TALK when you have like a cool haircut how do you expect not to be found if u do a crime???? LIKE I LOVE YOUR MOHAWK AND I GET IT U DONT WANT TO COVER IT BC OBVIOUSLY BUT!!!!

this is NOT the focus obviously its about the fact theres other kids from the lab BUT AKSHDAKSJDKH

DUSTINNNN!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH IM SO GLAD WE'RE STARTING ON HIM KISS KISS KISS

not the reagan sign STOP STOP ITS BEEN 2 SECONDS I HATE TED THATS HIS NAME RIGHT FIGHT KILL DESTROY BITE BITE BITE BITE

also the boys have grown SO MUCH !!!!!!! i forget there was actual real time between when these were filmed KSJHD im so excited to see Will and his perpetual bowl cut

JOYCE MY MOM!!!!!!!!!! SHES SO PRETTY AND SO CONCERNED I JUST LOVE HER

THE CHIP EATING DUDE FUCKING !!!! REMINDS ME OF THAT FUCKER FROM MONSTER HOUSE???????

THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE REMINDS ME OF THIS ASKJDHASKJHDKAJSH

Will is so tiny ..... and little? oh hes being teleported into the fucking upside down again baby boy im so fucking sorry also ilu but why would you just walk outside away from wher eyour friends WERE to look at the horrifying shit world you were trapped and almost died in ????? aSDKJH

Im gonna have to DM you on discord or something so i can properly save all the things you have to say about the timelines and how the Russian shit plays into that because was anyone calling El (im assuming he's referring to her) is Russian??? IK this is possibly the third (?) timeline we've seen (genuinely let me know if i can do that its ok if not i forget tumblr has Dms)

ALSO WHO IS THIS GUY IM CRYING HES!!! WHAT A PI??? WHO ARE YOU

NANCY AND STEVE ALSO BESTIES IM CRYING STEVE IS hes trying so hard are they dating my brain is so full of queer shit that im so deadset on platonic hetero relationships - i paused for one second and unpaused and they kissed SO THAT ANSWERS MY QUESTION

idk what relationships to pay more attention to bc the dynamic between Mike and El interests me the most because of how compulsory everything feels and how El is going to navigate a completetly new environment and how Mike will cope with that? (im assuming its not well)

OH is this the !!! the guy that i see people talk about all the time YEAHHH THE BLOND MULLET MAN AND MAX what the fuck is his name Billy??? He looks trans

CRYING AT CHECKING OUT H IS ASS GIRL WAHT ASS HES FLAT HE HAS NOTH ING AKDSHASKHDKAJSH and those jeans are supposed to be supporting cheeks

I love Mr Clark so much and everyone who looks bored in his class just doesnt GET IT

BUT ALSO MAX I GET IT QUEEN the boys all staring are so good I FORGET THEY GO AS THE GHOST BUSTERS FOR HALLOWEEN

JOYCE MY MOM WHO IS THIS GUY HES??? GOOFY AND SHES SO HAPPY ??? BOB !!! i have no initial bad opinions of him bc hes silly and goofy and he makes Joyce so happy and she deserves to be SO SOSOS OS HAPPY and nothing but happy

IF i have to endure another god damn Hopper flash back im gonna throw up and scream and cry and lose my mind and I won't recover and I'll never come back

Im in call while I watch this episode because i really wanted to get through while and actually use my brain bc i don't that often - but my roommates bird is sitting next to her mic and farting really really softly into it and its making me lose my fucking mind

CORN MAZES WHEN YOURE TALL LOOK SO EASY AND LESS SCARY WHENEVER IM IN A FUCKING CORN MAZE ITS TERRIFYING AND I CANT SEE SHIT BC IM LIKE 2 FEET TALL

NANCCYCYY AND JOHNANATHANANSDNSAKDJ BESTIES BESTIES BESTIES BEST FRIENDS IM MAKING THEM A FRIENDSHIP BRACELET ITS THEIR FAVORITE COLOURS AND THEY NEVER TAKE THEM OFF

ADN STEVE TOO!!! IM SORRY YOURE A THIRD WHEEL BUT its the start of season 2 how do we feel about polyam relationships between them where the audience for that point me in the correct direction

DUSTIN IS RIGHT ALSO I LOVE HIM i love his little hats - MAX IS ALSO RIGHT

God i feel so ba for Will like to be??? singled out like that especially in elementary school? hell.

WHERE ARE THEY GOING TOGETHER WHAT IS HAPPENING ISNT THIS THE LAB ??? ougHHH THAt needle sound was unecessary

REALLY starting to see how this might be a different timelinei have no idea how ???? Joyce would.... trust them??? UNLESS THIS IS A HOSPITAL no its not ho films ina fucking hospital like this

also theyre mentioning the upside down

I understand needing to go back to the only place that fully understands that it exists and you need a place to talk to someone and also monitor him physically without being dismissed as insane - but i dont understand how Joyce OR Hopper would trust the Lab again after everything happened??????

I'm glad that he's actually getting help, and im glad that Joyce and Hopper are there to make him feel safe and support him given everything but !!!!!

this iS THE. He has PTSD. when did they get the word to describe that akjhaskjdh NVM HE JUST SAID IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO IS PRETENDING LIKE EVERYTHING IS NORMAL HELPFUL BC IT SURE THE FUCK IS N OT FOR ME ????????? also who is this DR hes kinder but "i need you to trust me" to JOYCE AFTER THE BRENNER SHIT ???

also them NOT MENTIONING IT WHEN THEY LEAVE BUT JOYCE UPSET ABOUT THE WHOLE "i need you to trust me" THING B UT NOT BRINIGN UP BRENNER?????? susususususus timeline shit anyway EM @ me tell me wahts up kiss kiss mwuah mwuah

OH they've upped their guinea pig game on entering the upside down and the gatelooks fucking uglier and uglier LOVE THE TORCH glad it works but no wonder the gate looks angry???

DUSTINNN I LOVE H IM I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

ough i have a feeling her older brother is gonna ..... trigger me a lil but we'll get through it

THEM BOTH HAVING A CRUSH ON HER!!!!!

If YouR fRiEnD jUmPs OfF a ClIfF 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

THEYRE GOING OVER TO HAVE DINNER WITH BARBS FAMILY STOP STOP STO PST OPST OPST IM GONNA CRY Oh they hired a P.I okay yeah the bald guy he..... HIS CARD STOPPPPP

realizing they defenitely can't tell her parent's what actually happened to her an di hate that im gonna oaufkahd girl im so sorry im so sorry im so osrry UPSET BC SHE AS A CHARACTER DID NOT DESERVE TO DIE I WISH THEY HADN'T DONE HER DIRTY LIKE THAT

all the photos of her would make me so ill to look at like god NANCYYY THE GUILT AND B LAME GIRLIEEEE

also Mike rebelling after experiencing that kind of trauma and losing Will and El even though Will came back he's not the same of corse he's struggling - calling it with the !!!! WALKIE TALKIEEEE girl i miss her too

YEAHHH ITS dustiNNNN BUT HE AKSHDKAJSH

DUSTINNN IM KAHSDKJH I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HES SO SILLY !!!!!!!!!!!!! HES THE SILLY IN MY HEART

HONESTLY props to him again for not like invesigating something that was probably gonna be HORRIBLE he'd survive a horror movie

JOYCEEEEE IN MY FAV SHIRT SHES SO KISS KISS KISS KISS

Johnathan is such a good brother bro BUT ALSO WILL IS SO RIGHT I GET IT I GET IT I UNDERSTAND TREATING IT LIKE ITS NORMAL MAKES IT WORSE !!!! SOMETHING HAPPENED PLEASE ACKNOWLEGE THAT and JOHANATHANNN HES THE FREAK AND A WEIRDO

STOPA SDADKSHJ iT S THAT WHY YOU DONT HAVE ANY FRINEDS SHUT UP STOP STOP /POS

BOB i love you so far and ik that being a step parent in these situation (even tho hes only dating Joyce its the same) is so hard especially when there are kids involved BUT YOURE DOING SUCH A GOOD JOB

AND THEYRE ALL WATCHING THE MOVIE TOGETHER AHHH

ew the phone the trigger GIRL YOU GOT THIS ITS OKAY ITS OKAY BUT ALSO THATS SUCH A HORRENDOUS RINGTONE WHAT THE FUCK

love me a tech who accidentally ignores the alarms going off (i couldnt hear the song playing it feels important - unintentially placing importance on all the music in this show now thank u em)

OohuaAHDAKJH OH WILL IS GONNA get ,,,,, yoinked back again isn't he ouguhadhAKHDJS interesting that it really only affects the *outside* like doors are now portals in a way ? i cant remember if it affected the inside of the arcade immediately or not

OH MIST LOOKING MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wood Waffle Hours !!!!!!!!!! OH NO CABIN HOURS??? IS SHE. IS SHE. BIG EYE BALL EMOJIS LET ME SEE MY GIRL LET ME SEE THE BABY GIRL !!!! this entire scene makes it seem like shes a fucking AKSJDHA freak ass creature

HER HAIRRRRR SHES SO CUTE STOPPPP HOPPERS LITTLE SMILE IM TEARING UP AND CRYING ACTUALLY LOOK AT THEM LOOK AT THEM LOOKA T THEM OUGHHAHAHHHHHHHH IM HEAVING

thank u for reading these were my thoughts

[the-cult-of-russo]

Darkness Forever

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader 

Warnings: cursing, angst, pain, dark shit, smut, idk lmao

A/N: So I can’t manage the next chapter of JBTF with how sick I am, but I wanted to at least try and give you guys something. This is a gift for @idaofinfinity . Thank you for cheering me on so much and always touching me with your amazingly kind words. I just wanted to show you how much I appreciate you being my biggest cheerleader since I came back.

As always, I love all of you guys and I appreciate all the well wishes you’ve sent me.

Side note; the Reader in this one is based off an OC I made for a different fandom and I’ve wanted to do this idea for a while.

Name of this one is from a song of the same name by Soccer Mommy.

Head in the oven

Didn't sound so crazy

My brain was burnin'

Hot to the touch

Lithium readings

Makin' me dizzy

They keep my feelings

Simmering low

Darkness forever

A cold sinking ocean

I wanna feel the

Warm of release

The devil is chasing

Hot on my tail and

Tryin' to struggle

Out of his leash

Words from an artist

Killed by their insides

She tried to set the

Evil on fire

It's warm in the kitchen

Like hot sticky summer

Demons are rising

Up with the smoke

---------

The club was loud but you ignored the noise, the constant buzzing in your ears as your eyes drifted around. You could see clearly even in the dimly lit space as you were trying to find your target for the night. No one had jumped out at you yet, no one really intriguing enough to capture your interest. But then you saw him. He was sitting off in a corner with some guys, the group being rowdy. He stuck out like a sore thumb with his face littered with scars like that but he was easily the most beautiful human you’d ever laid eyes on, and you’d seen a lot of them. The darkness that curled around him was like a siren calling out to you and it made a thrill trickle down your spine, a slow smirk curling your lips. You sat in your spot for a while, eyes never leaving him as he talked with the guys he was with. They were all trouble, you could feel it. This one though, he was something else. When he got up and walked over to the bar, you licked your lower lip before standing, sauntering over with no hesitation. You stood next to him at the bar and he turned his gaze to you briefly, checking out who was next to him. But as he was turning away again, dark eyes turned back to you, interest and curiosity burning in them and you could sense his desire as his eyes raked over your form. 

“Hello there,” you smirked, eyes glittering mischievously that had his own lips quirking up a little. He seemed slightly surprised but you figured it was about his face. You’d seen some of the looks he was getting here, saw how the girls pulled their faces and barely shot him a glance after that. Honestly, you thought they were all fucking brain-dead. 

“Hi,” he drawled, giving you another once over. The scars did little to detract from his handsome face and you didn’t think you’d ever seen eyes that dark before. 

“So… I was getting kind of bored and then I saw you. You look like the kinda guy that could show me a good time,” you flashed him a sultry smile and he chuckled, the sound low and rich and filling you with need you hadn’t felt in a very long time. 

“Is that right?” he asked smoothly, a smirk on his lips. Your eyes drifted over him in a way that made his eyes darken, as if he could sense your need for him without words.

“I’m Y/N,” you purred, reaching your hand over and settling it over his. The moment you made contact with him, you got what you needed. The flashes burst behind your eyes and in seconds you knew exactly who this man was, knew everything he’d ever done. Knowing just what the darkness was that surrounded him lured you in even more and you could feel how damp your panties were getting now you knew just what he was capable of. 

“Billy,” he supplied, eyeing you like he wanted to devour you. You shot him a wolfish grin at the thought. You leaned closer to him, biting your lower lip and his eyes were drawn to the motion.

“Well, Billy… How about you take me back to your place?” you asked with a raised brow. He smirked once more, anticipation flashing behind his eyes that dragged over your body slowly like he could see what lay under your clothes. 

“Sounds good to me,” he replied easily, slamming back the drink the bartender had settled in front of him during the exchange. He didn’t even say anything to the guys he’d been with as he stood, so tall he was looming over you. He shot you a devilish smile before he guided you out of the bar.

His place turned out to be a motel and it was a pretty seedy one at that. You hadn’t been surprised though, you’d already seen it when you came in contact with him. The second he had you inside of his room, you were pressed against the door as his mouth claimed yours desperately. He kissed like it would be his last kiss on earth, a real toe-curling kiss that his whole body seemed to move with as he pressed against you. You moaned, your hands fisted in the front of his black t-shirt as you kissed back fervently and arched against him. It drew a delicious moan out of him and you were almost purring. You pulled away, the pair of you panting and you were surprised to find your hands were shaking a little with how tightly wound with desire you were. You grabbed his hand, moving around him and leading him over to the beat-up sofa on one side of the room. He followed obediently and you pushed him to sit on it, causing him to chuckle darkly as he tilted his head watching you. You moved to straddle him and his hands grabbed your hips with no hesitation. One of your hands splayed on his chest, the other going to his short hair as you raked your nails over his scalp. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment, a soft moan leaving his lips as he leaned into your touch. He reminded you of a cat.

“If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?” you asked curiously. His eyes opened then, confused and mildly curious about your weird question in the middle of something like this. You felt his hands flex on your hips as he licked his lower lip, eyes dipping to your chest before back to your face as you blinked down at him patiently. 

“You, naked and writhin’ under me,” he replied easily, an impish smile on his face. Your lips curled into a smile as you scraped your nails over his scalp once more and he hummed softly, once again leaning into it. He didn’t close his eyes this time and his obsidian gaze stayed locked on you.

“I mean it… if you could have one thing in the world, anything… what would it be?” you asked again, a little firmer this time. His eyes narrowed for only a moment and you started to think he wouldn't indulge your curiosity as he looked away briefly. A haunted look passed on his face and his fingers dug into your hips a little before he tugged his eyes back to your face.

“I’d… I’d go back… change some shit. Make better choices, pick the right people,” he answered honestly. How disappointing. You’d half expected him to ask for his looks back, knowing how much it bothered him. Or maybe he wanted to be able to get revenge on his former best friend that had done this to him. You hadn’t expected this with the darkness that blanketed him but you could feel it now. The guilt, the heartbreak, the self-loathing. And while he was purposely vague in his answer, he had no idea you already knew. You knew just what he was talking about. He wanted to go back and not betray Frank Castle, not lose the family that had taken him in. He wanted to live the life he should have had if he hadn’t given in to temptation. You deflated a little at his answer but it didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. You’d still get what you wanted in the end anyway.

“What if I told you I could give you that?” you asked carefully, your nails still scratching at his head. He gave you a look that was partly amused and partly annoyed as he rolled his eyes.

“Yeah… okay,” he snorted. You blinked and when your eyes opened again, they were no longer the color they were a moment ago. Instead, they were black as coal, no whites to be seen. You felt him tense under you, his eyes widening a little before he squinted at you.

“What the hell are you?” he asked roughly. He was looking at you like you were a threat but you weren’t offended. Instead, his words made a rueful smile curl your lips as you looked down at him.

“I’m the things nightmares are made of, Billy,” you smirked. His breathing hitched a little yet his hands didn’t leave your hips and he didn't attempt to move you away. There was some fear there but he also gazed at you curiously and surprisingly enough, you could still feel his straining erection under you. 

“I was born of fire and pain, torture and suffering. I feel like that’s something you can relate to,” you added, your smirk softening to a smile. You felt him relax a little at that, his only answer being a small nod of his head. 

You weren’t what was considered a normal demon. You were one of the originals, one of the oldest. There were books out there with your name on them, telling terrifying tales of the ‘Bringer of Chaos’ and the ‘Princess of Hell’. You’d been Lucifer's favorite once upon a time. He’d taken a special shine to you and he’d tortured you himself. That’s how demons were made. Their souls were corrupted, their humanity literally tortured out of them until they couldn't take it anymore. Only with you, you had something no other demon still had, something Lucifer had forced you to keep. A small fragment of your soul. It wasn't a gift because he liked you, no. It was the ultimate torture, something that would ensure you would be tortured for as long as you still existed. You couldn't ignore your brutal nature, couldn't escape it. But the tiny fragment of humanity left in you was enough to cause you to feel things no demon should be able to feel. You’d gotten used to it with how old you were, you’d learned to control it for the most part. But every so often you’d snap, having moments of near hysteria or insanity as the guilt consumed you whole, forcing you to see just how much blood stained your hands. It was a curse and you despised it and in the end, you despised your maker for forcing you to keep it. 

“If you want to go back and live the life you should have had, I can do that for you. You’ll remember all of this but they won’t,” you murmured, your hand moving from his head and coming to rest on his chest with your other. He shifted under you and the movement jostled you, bringing you closer to him. He didn't seem to mind it though and his dark eyes were burning into you. You could see his intrigue, could see your offer was enticing him.

“What’s the price? There’s always a price, so what do you want in return?” he asked, no smirk in sight now as his eyes pinned you in place. You licked your lower lip, looking at him under your lashes as your hands smoothed up his chest.

“Your soul. But the way I see it, you already sold yours to Rawlins a while ago and now you're suffering. This way, you get what you want,” you shrugged and you could practically feel the hope radiating from him. 

“My soul…? And what does that mean? What happens with it?” he asked curiously. You sighed a little, looking off for a moment as you tried to figure out how to word it. This was always the hardest part, the part where sometimes people tried to resist. His fingers tightened on your hips and forced your eyes back to him and he raised a brow at you. He was lucky you thought he was so handsome, anyone else giving you that sassy look would be up in flames in seconds. 

“It would belong to me. When it's time to collect my debt, your soul would be mine.” you answered, purposely not telling just what that entailed because you knew he didn’t like to not have control, you knew he’d struggle with it. 

“How long would I have?” he asked and you could tell by his voice he’d already made his mind up. It made you smile softly.

“Five years,” you supplied. He inhaled sharply, his Adam's apple bobbing as he looked away.

“That's it?” he asked, a despondent tone to his voice.

“You’re lucky you're getting that. I usually only offer two,” you replied with a shrug. You meant it too. You weren’t quite sure what it was about the man that had you being so lenient with him, had you giving him more time that you usually bothered to give. He exhaled a shaky breath, nodding to himself before he looked back at you, a determined look on his face.

“I’ll do it,” he said firmly and you grinned at his acquiescence. You leaned in and kissed him deeply, causing him to groan as his hands slid around to your back, holding you closer.

“How do we… uh…” he asked, sounding uncertain once you broke the kiss and you smirked darkly before moving off him.

“How do you think?” you asked wolfishly, holding a hand out to him. He looked at it for a moment before he took it and stood. 

You kissed him and he kissed you back just as desperately. There was something lighter about him now, the prospect of getting a do-over setting a fire inside of him. Before long, you were both free from your clothes and you were straddling him on the bed. Part of you wanted to drag this out, to make your time with him last as long as possible, but this was a job and you didn’t want him to change his mind about this. Usually, the souls you took didn’t belong to you, they just got sent down to hell. But you’d make sure your contract with him made it clear he belonged to you, you wouldn't be sharing this one with anyone. Daddy dearest wouldn't be happy about it but he shouldn't have given you the authority to make such a move to begin with. You were once again struck by the sheer possessiveness you felt over this human. You’d never felt anything quite like it. Not wanting him to change his mind, you leaned down, capturing his lips in a sinful kiss as you sunk down onto his hard and wanting cock. The pair of you moaned and his hand wound into your hair as his kisses turned more ferocious. You broke the kiss, your hands on his chest for leverage as you started riding him at a punishing pace. His face contorted with pleasure and you committed it to memory, wanting the beautiful image to remain burned in your brain forever. He was the kind of beauty that would inspire works of art. You bounced on his cock, delighted moans leaving your lips as he filled you up in the best way. He let out a dirty groan when you raked your nails down his chest, drawing a little blood and he arched up at you roughly. He looked feral and you felt like your insides were on fire with the pull you were feeling towards him. This wasn’t exactly necessary to complete the contract, if it was you’d barely get any souls. You didn’t get people like Billy very often. One of your hands slid to his throat, tightening carefully and making him gasp in pleasure as his body writhed. He had no idea just what strength lay beneath your hands, how easy it would be to snap his neck with little effort. You felt your climax coming quickly and it caught you off guard, your moans getting louder and more frequent. Your hips were stuttering as your head became cloudy with desire and he used his grip on your hips to lift you and slam you back down onto his cock roughly. Your eyes snapped open, once again black but he showed no signs of fear this time as he rut up into you, his top lip curled like an animal. You smirked at him before he cried out in pain, his body tensing as words started to litter his body, bright as the flames that were putting them there. You moaned loudly as you came hard around him, seeing your contract over his skin claiming him as yours pushing you over the edge. And despite the pain he was in, he came with a loud roar, his mouth hanging open as his body shook. You were panting as you watched his eyes flutter shut, his head lolling to the side as he passed out under you. You leaned down, placing a soft kiss to his lips before climbing off him. The words that had been branded into his skin were invisible to the naked eye but you could feel them. You didn’t think you’d ever felt so accomplished for taking a soul before. You climbed off the bed and got dressed, giving him one last look before you walked to the door.

“I’ll see you soon, Billy,” you smirked darkly, slipping out the door feeling like you were dancing on air. 

—-

Five years ticked by extremely slowly and you once again found yourself doing things for Billy you never did with any of the other humans you’d made a contract with. You’d observed him carefully, watched over him in the years that went by. He’d built Anvil from the ground up with no help from Rawlins and Frank had been his partner in all of it. He was living the life he’d wished to have and he was happy. Knowing that Billy turned down Rawlins' offer and that the man was planning on taking both Billy and Frank out for their part overseas, you'd dealt with Rawlins personally. You'd had a lot of fun with the man, making sure he regretted everything he ever put Billy through, even if he didn't remember most of it with the new timeline. You stood at the corner of the street, watching as Billy sat outside at a cafe with Frank and Curtis as they ate lunch. The three of them were chatting away and laughing and you felt a bitter pang of something rip right through you. Never once, even with your pesky fragment of soul, had you wished to be human again. Never had you felt so wretched to be a monster. Watching Billy like this, you just wanted to be a normal girl by his side. To just be Y/N again. You growled to yourself before you turned on your heel and started to walk away. It was time to collect but the excitement that had been fueling you on had simmered into something else you couldn't quite place and you didn’t like it. You made your way to Anvil, knowing he would be back soon from lunch. You drew some attention when you waltzed in and as you slipped through the doors to the back rooms, Billy’s PA looked up at you. Before she could open her mouth to say anything, you waved your hand and her eyes went vacant for a second. Once it cleared, she blinked slowly before shaking her head to herself, ignoring you completely as she went back to clicking away on the keyboard and you slipped into his office. You moved over to his desk, looking over at the pictures there of him with the Castles and feeling something gnawing at your chest. You felt his presence as soon as he entered the building and you turned around, leaning back on his desk as your eyes stayed glued to the door. When it opened, he stopped abruptly as he saw you.

“Y/N…” he murmured with a shaky voice, shutting the door slowly before he stood in front of it. He seemed surprised to see you somewhat but you knew deep down he wasn’t. Not completely. Your contract with him forged a bond and you knew he’d been waiting for this day. He’d been dreading it.

“Hello, Billy,” you smiled, tiling your head at him. He looked so different from when you’d met before. Now in his suit with his perfectly styled hair and scar-free face. You wouldn't say he was more beautiful now but he was definitely happier, it was radiating off him. And you were here to take all of that away from him. He didn’t say anything as he stared at you and you pushed off the desk, trying to ignore that itching in your chest as you looked at his slightly panicked face.

“It’s time,” you said firmly, squaring your shoulders to steel yourself. His mouth opened and closed for a second, his eyes drifting to the closed door.

“I… Can I… Can I at least say goodbye?” he asked and the sheer hopelessness of his voice felt like someone stabbed you through the chest. You clenched your jaw and blew out a breath. You should tell him no, that wasn't how things worked and this wasn't on his terms. You should make it perfectly clear that he belonged to you and he was lucky. He was lucky because usually you didn't come to collect yourself. Usually, your hellhound did that for you and death by being ripped to shreds by a hellhound was a very traumatic way to go and you’d saved him from that fate by coming here yourself. You couldn't bring yourself to say those things to him though as his dark and damp eyes bore into you, your usual confidence and authority that you wielded like the dangerous weapon it was seemed to be non-existent right now. You turned around, gritting your teeth as you grabbed a pen and scribbled your current address onto a post-it note. You tore it from the others harshly, hating whatever it was you were feeling. Hating that you felt anything at all. You turned back around to face him, walking over and handing him the post-it note.

“You’ve got until tonight. Come by my place when you’re done,” you muttered, your words harsh though. He nodded shakily, blinking at you. 

“Thank you,” he breathed and you forced the growl that wanted to leave your lips down as you stormed past him and slammed the door. You shook your head at yourself as you swiftly left the building and made your way to your apartment. You couldn't make sense why you were breaking so many rules with him. He was just a human. You’d never felt anything for any of them that you made a contract with and it was making your head hurt. 

When you got back to your place, you sat on the sofa in silence as you tried to understand just what was going on with you. You couldn't place anything you were feeling because you weren't used to feeling much. It couldn't be guilt, not when you’d already been so merciful with him. You’d been so excited for this, waited on bated breath for the day to come when you got to take him with you, to be the one to play with him until your heart's content. So why did you feel like this? At 11 pm, your door knocked and you stood up, feeling something suspiciously like nerves prickle at you. You sneered at yourself as you moved to the door and swung it open. Billy was there but the happiness you knew he’d had earlier was gone. He looked wrecked, his face damp from tears and looking so devastated your chest felt tight. You blinked slowly at him before you moved to let him in, shutting the door behind you as he stood there anxiously. 

“What's gonna… what's gonna happen to me?” he asked shakily. You’d purposely avoided it before but it wasn't like he could back out now. The contract was done so you didn’t need to be afraid he'd change his mind. It was far too late for that.

“I’m gonna kill you… I’ll make it painless. Then you’ll be going to the fire and brimstone downstairs with me. You belong to me so I’ll be the one to torture you. Eventually you’ll have a choice to make… you can continue to suffer for the rest of eternity or… or you could give up your humanity and become like me,” you murmured. You could feel the fear radiate off him in waves but worse than that was the utter devastation over what he was leaving behind. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair, his breathing coming in sharp and fast as he nodded. 

“Okay… okay… I’m ready,” he muttered, not sounding ready in the least. You stepped closer to him and he tensed, closing his eyes as his jaw clenched. You frowned to yourself, his sadness felt like it was smothering you, like it was choking you and you hated it. You moved to lay your hand over his chest, hating the tightness in your own as you looked at him. Tears rolled down his perfect cheeks, his eyes still closed as he awaited whatever hell you were about to bring him. Your own distress had the paintings on the wall vibrating and it was taking all of your willpower to stop the apartment building from falling down around you. He cried out in pain and your lower lip wobbled a little, your hand not leaving his chest as he yelled and almost fell over. His skin lit up like the first time, only this time, the words started to fade from his skin slowly. When you were done, he fell to his knees before blinking up at you confused, swaying where he knelt from the pain.

“You need to leave,” you insisted firmly, unable to look at him any longer. You felt like you were wound so tightly that you were about to snap. 

“What?” he asked confused, his voice raspy and raw. You sniffled, wiping your face to find horribly enough, you were crying. 

“Get out! The contract’s gone!” you yelled, making him look at you in shock. The walls started to tremble like a small earthquake was sweeping through the place and he grabbed the wall to help him stand on shaky legs, looking confused and lost. You knew he wanted to ask why, that the question was on the tip of his tongue, but as the walls shook harder and the lights started to flicker, he gave you one last look before he made a mad dash to leave the apartment like he thought you might change your mind. The second your door shut, you let out a rageful yell and the entire building groaned. You could hear car alarms going off in the street as you fell to your knees on the floor. You were going to get in so much trouble for this, you knew you were. You’d be dragged back down there to be on the receiving end of the torture for a while yet for some reason, it felt better than having Billy in your place. You whimpered as you felt it, the call from the big man downstairs as he summoned you. Years felt different down there, one year felt like a hundred. You wondered if he’d torture you so much that the remaining part of your soul would be gone but you knew he wouldn’t be merciful with you, not with what you’d done. You still weren't quite sure just why you’d done it. Unsure why you had allowed a simple human to affect you so deeply. 

It was supposed to be simple. You offered them whatever they wanted and you got their soul in return. You’d forget about them soon after and it would be up to your hellhound to collect them and someone else downstairs to deal with them. Yet, from the moment you laid eyes on Billy, he’d been different. There had been a pull to him like no other, a pull that had you breaking all the rules just to make things easier for him. Why did you care enough to make things easier? Why did you care to give him more time than people usually got? Why did you care so much about how wounded he was to leave this life behind now he finally got his happy ever after? You were ruthless, brutal. Your name had been nightmare-inducing for centuries with the things you’d done. You’d killed people just for the fun of it, relished in taking away things people loved just to see them hurt. Fear, pain and suffering were your heroin, the things that gave you life. Selflessness wasn’t in your nature, even if you were attached to him for some reason. You’d owned his soul, it had been yours, in writing. Any attachment you felt for him should have only increased the possessiveness you’d felt towards him, making you want him down there with you even more no matter how he felt about it. Instead, you’d broken the contract, to let him live his life until it was his time to go and he’d be doing it all without you. Why the hell had you let him go?

—-

Two Years Later

You hurried down the street, glancing at your watch as you went knowing you’d be late. Your boss really wasn't known for having patience. You heard a car honk and you glanced over your shoulder briefly, drawn by the noise, but it caused you to collide with someone in the street. You squeaked, feeling the world tilt for a second before you were caught by strong hands that helped you stay upright.

“Shit, I’m sorry… Y/N?” the voice asked. You looked up at the man as he let you go, blinking up at him in confusion.

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” you asked slowly, your eyes trailing his face. He was stupidly handsome and wearing a suit that looked like it was made just for him. He had the darkest eyes you’d ever seen and he was breathtaking. You were pretty sure you’d remember a face like this. A deep frown creased his brows then as he tilted his head.

“Billy… Billy Russo?” he phrased it like a question but you shook your head, it still not ringing a bell.

“Nope, sorry,” you shrugged apologetically. You didn’t think his frown could get any deeper but you’d been wrong and he blinked rapidly, glancing around before his eyes settled back on you.

“I can’t tell if you’re fuckin’ with me or not. You don’t remember me? From two years ago? I sold my soul to you and then you let me go. I went back to your place a few days later to ask why you did it but you weren't there,” he muttered, sounding a little annoyed. 

“You.. sold your soul to me?” you asked warily, taking a step backwards without thinking. Of course, the handsome one had to be a little crazy, you weren’t surprised. It didn’t negate the fact he had known your name though and it was mildly unsettling. He was giving you a weird look you couldn't quite place and you wrapped your arms around yourself feeling more than uncomfortable at the exchange.

“Look, Mr… I don’t know you and maybe you need to see a professional or something but I need to go. I’m late for work,” you insisted, giving him a wary look before you moved around him and started to walk hurriedly down the street. You found your eyes drifting over your shoulder, unable to help yourself like a magnet was drawing you. The man, Billy, was already looking at you, standing in the middle of the sidewalk as people walked around him. He looked a mix of confused and sad as he stared at you and something itched in the back of your brain that you couldn't place. You blinked quickly before turning back the right way, not wanting to bump into anyone else. You really needed to get your ass to work, the library books wouldn’t sort themselves.

Taglist: (if you’ve been asked to be tagged and aren’t here, it wouldn’t let me tag some people.)

@firexfate

@blanchedelioncourt

@on-ya

@sunshinedaisies-anddeath

@snowkestrel

@music-indie-tv

@idaofinfinity

@sweetserendipity65

@ramadiiiisme

@k-marzolf

@celestialams

@woowwwee

@noortsshift

@rainbowgoblinfan

[bthump]

this might be a bit of an odd question, but do you think guts has any, like, tactical ability? ofc griffith would be there managing and planning out the military operations on a large scale, and guts isn't the most cerebral person out there, but i find it hard to believe the band would have become as successful as they were if one of their higher ups, esp someone like guts who consistently takes part in battles, didn't have decent competency on a strategic field

Ennnnh idk, depends I think.

The first thing we see him do after the 3 year flash-forward is rush into battle without thinking, while he himself believes that it's risking his comrades' lives (since he apologizes for it afterwards and didn't know Griffith plans around his impulses lol). So that makes me think the answer is no, the way you're discussing, in terms of directing large groups of people on a battlefield.

He's in charge of the group that like, rushes in and smashes shit, which is kind of his forte, and probably doesn't require a lot of quick tactical thinking, so that probably helps. Like, look at Guts vs Casca's assignments during the Battle of Doldrey - Guts got the rush in and kill the general assignment, and Casca got the sneaky tactical assignment that required quick thinking.

But still, at the very least he's not like incompetent at what he does, because the Raiders love him. So yk, he's probably not getting them killed unnecessarily.

(He has a few anime scenes where he does something smart in the context of big picture strategy, but those are anime-only. They don't feel super ooc to me, but they do feel like an unnecessary way to make Guts seem extra awesome lol, and I def don't consider them canon in any way.)

Also I don't thiiiink he really directs the RPG group when they fight? iirc they all pretty much just go and do their own thing.

But on a small scale he can be quite strategic. When he fights individuals he uses his brain a lot - like he defeats Silat by quickly identifying the weaknesses of weapons he's never seen before and neutralizing them. When he fights apostles he's always maneuvering himself into a position to kill them by surprise, usually by subjecting himself to massive amounts of punishment, but sometimes by fucking them lmao, or holding their loved ones hostage, etc.

So basically I think as a strategic leader he's probably not super great, but he's good enough to get the job done, and Griffith probably doesn't give him strategy-heavy assigments, so it's fine. And as a tactical fighter he's great.

Anyway yeah, that's my impression. Thanks for the ask!

[findafight]

Re: Billy, yeeaahh, I think there’s exactly one *potential* way Billy could have been persuaded to leave without a fight and that’s if Chrissy was there at the Byers for some reason and she and Steve tricked Billy into thinking he saw her instead of Max. (1/ hopefully 2)

Why is Chrissy there? I don’t know. Maybe this is a ‘Chrissy and Steve are cousins’ au and he called her over in the hopes that her presence would stop the Party from sneaking out to commit arson to save Will’s life. Maybe she actually got caught up in everything last year bc she tagged along with Steve when he went to apologize (probably another cousins au scenario). Maybe she saw Max skateboarding, thought it was cool, and started a conversation. (Part 3 incoming)

(3/3) Cheerleading is pretty hard, so if Max was either already aware of that or found out while talking/hanging out with Chrissy, I think it’s reasonable that Max might admire Chrissy, which could potentially result in Chrissy being asked to the junkyard (especially if Max didn’t buy Lucas’s story, which I don’t think she did).

oooh fascinated by Steve and Chrissy being sporty cousins who are basically siblings tho. Steve who calls Chrissy his "sister but actually my cousin but basically my sister" in his brain because she's maybe 7/8 months younger than him so was in the grade below but they grew up together and almost all the baby pictures have them together in matching outfits :') they saved worms together from the pavement after it rained. Chrissy put them in Steve's hair and he cried. (she did this many times) They sit beside each other at family gatherings and just much sly and cutting mean girl comments about their relatives to make the other laugh. Or make distressed faces at each other from across the table when grandpa Otis is getting drunk and ready to rant.

Chrissy who Steve called during his sad boy clean up his own mess hours and she was like "okay I'll drive you to the byers house? You got knocked around I'll drive please don't get in a wreck auntie Diane would kill me." and she waits in the car for him but then Shit Goes Down and there's lights flashing and Steve runs out, but he stops, and looks back. and then locks eyes with Chrissy, and runs back in. So she follows. And finds out monsters are real right beside her brother-cousin.

yeah okay I'm digging Chrissy and Steve cousins au but it HAS to be coupled with Chrissy lives au I can't do that to them. I can't make Steve try to clear Eddie's name while mourning the only family he's known loved him. (but GOD a Jason/steve confrontation in that au? where jason is like she was your family! and steve is like I know!! That's why you need to believe me that Eddie didn't do this! I want revenge just as much as you! oh god this is so sad no no Chrissy lives in harrington cousin au.)

Anyway but Yeah. I think, like. Billy just wanted to punch someone. I guess because Chrissy is a pretty and popular girl, he would at least hesitate in his itch for a fight. Billy doesn't respect women but he's savvy enough to get in with Tommy, Steve's former bestie, so he knows enough that Chrissy isn't someone he wants to be on the bad side of. So perhaps it would...slow down? the events? idk. I really do think once Billy saw Steve or Lucas he wasn't leaving without punching someone. She could try to convince him it was her in the window, if Steve had gone out first, and that might give the kids time to hide better, but Steve isn't leaving s2 without getting punched by Billy in place of Lucas. It's one of those "locked in the timeline" things for me. Sorry Steve :( at least sometimes you aren't knocked out completely.

this answer is all over the place haha but post s3 pre s4 chrissy seeing Max skateboarding and thinking it's pretty cool and striking up a little mentor-friendship with her is so cute. Two lonely girls</3 Maybe Max teaches her to kickflip and Chrissy Teaches her to cartwheel... holds her ankles up to get the feel for it...and for a little while they don't feel so alone... aww... I love giving Max role models and older girls to look up to. She's got Steve but she deserves some girls looking out for her.

[silviakundera]

Moonlight Chicken Liveblogging Ep 4-5

Ep 4

A glimpse of Wen's home life, cohabitating with an ex! I've been there in my 20s. Yep, it's awkward af.

They honestly depict that strain really well. The writing is so real it's dragging up old feelings from me.

Sigh. I can't make myself care too much about the nephew. He's not all wrong, he's a person with needs, but I'm just... These days I find I'm too old to connect with teen angst when everything is played straight & realistic and there is a fully developed adult character to empathize with.

I just cannot deal with a judgey teen throwing out, 'Is this truly your dream?' Oh shut it kid. You 'didn't ask to be born poor'? Well neither did he.

Thank goodness for step-uncle Wen.

The way that Jim can't ever make himself say there's no chance and he doesn't like Wen. But he can't allow himself to open up. The flashes to the happy days of his doomed marriage as Wen leans in yet again, causing Jim to shut him down again... The drama really makes me understand the why, even as it drives me to be increasingly deranged about it. (JUST KISSSSSS)

I really like that the script doesn't have Jim lie and claim he has no feelings for Wen etc like a lot of dramas do - he doesn't jerk Wen around at all or mislead him "for his own good'. He tries to be as up front as he's able. It's probably why as a viewer I never feel bad for Wen, like he's being mistreated. There is such kindness and consideration in the way they treat each other.

The favorite DVD is too old and doesn't work. It's a metaphor. Defeat the metaphor, babygirl! I believe in you.

They are terribly cute with the holiday decorations but Wen's messy ex drama finally culminates. This is not going to help Wen's campaign to win his dream man.

Ep 5

Man, this is scene of the cohabitating queer exes fighting about how they tried too quickly to make the transition from boyfriends to friends, because they both care but it's just giving confusing signals. Still living together is not helping. Written too believably, it's painful. When you loved someone for 5 years so you can't stop caring about them. But it's so tiring when the other person uses that caring against you.

Jim is giving babygirl the cold shoulder while nephew tries to hint that he likes this potential family member.

Noooooo i hate it when my parents are fighting. I get why Jim wants none of this messy business so idk :(

"I've always been like this. You just started not to like it." / "Why would you stay with someone who no longer loves you?" The co-habititating exes storyline still killing it. It's the tenderness beneath the bitterness.👌

Little nephew with the sweet deaf boyfriend, I get what you're saying but you let a teen who doesn't know how to ride a motorcycle.... ride a motorcycle. Which he promptly crashed and had to visit the ER. So maybe you aren't fully ready for responsibility just yet. 🤔 I'm too old for this shit, this is how Jess on Gilmore Girls made me grind my teeth.

Making me feel like

[thetorturedarchives]

okay so yes in some ways a little life is kind of badly conceived/written but this review im reading compared it to a blog post purportedly about some gay lawyer and his doctor boyfriend that the reviewer believes to be false because it was too wholesome and perfect and the parents were too supportive or whatever. idk i mean considering those ppl are (allegedly) real i can see why the blog op would sort of romanticise his own life and make it sound wholesome? i dont see why his life sounding so great means it's automatically untrue, he probably just omitted the bad details in favour of painting a prettier picture. the details are probably real, just cherry picked, and hell maybe his life is pretty much perfect barring standard bumps in the road. when it comes to fiction though i do understand how it gets a little boring if someones life seems too tragic/happy. but yknow something. trauma is boring. trauma is SO BORING. trauma is CRUSHINGLY DULL. in the sense that it's the same shit every second of every day for all your life and it gets. old. fast. it's not all constant tension and dramatic revelations. something so so resonant about a little life is how much of a fucking slog it is. because that is exactly it. it's like hyperrealism, to me anyway. i mean, i've practically got an idyllic life compared to jude bloody st francis but like, going off just my experiences there's nothing thrilling about wanting to kill yourself literally every day of your life. it's tiresome. it's boring. it's eye-roll-worthy. it's waking up and thinking 'i wish i wasn't alive', going about your day distracting yourself from the boredom and filling every crevice with noise, then going to bed and being horrifically bored by your own existence. sometimes i'll cringe while rereading all but then again i cringe when i'm trying to fall asleep and then some horrific image flashes in front of my eyes and i just groan because there goes another night of sleep i guess. it's not interesting, it's not this shot of adrenalin and an artistically placed single tear rolling down my cheek as i ruminate on all my complex feelings, it's truly just 'really? this? again? where does it end?

[sweetsmalldog]

Castlevania: Nocturne Episode 6 liveblog

While the episode is loading I read the synopsis and hope Sypha or Trevor get mentioned if not by name by Sypha being how the Belmonts got Speaker Magic

Oooh moon

DROLTA!!!!

This is my favorite Drolta outfit now I love the blood red coat with the white pants

Idk what the horses are doing

Oh is that the Messiah?

Drolta’s hair looks so good

She’s got daddy issues for the fucking sun

Oh this poor lady

The shot of the snow white skirt spread around them while she drinks that poor woman’s blood is absolute cinema

“Please call me anything but grandad” This man has given me Trevor vibes if Trevor was old the whole time maybe it’s just a Belmont thing

Ritcher deserves these answers actually yeah why was his mom sending him to Tera and not you old man?!?!

I take back what I said about him having Trevor vibes Trevor was funny even when he was depressed at least

A deal?!?!?!

So you’re a stalker old man

It is a bit creepy

Tera has a lot to tell both these kids

What is it with the Belmont family always been alone and when they have family not being one

How many “Last of the Belmonts” has their been at this point?

I feel so bad for Maria and Ritcher. Tera is all they had and now they find out she’s been keeping this kinda of stuff from them, straight up lying to Maria about her dad and agreeing to never let Ritcher know his grandfather was alive and around

YOU OWE HIM SOME FUCKING BIRTHDAY PRESENTS YOU ASS

Ritcher my boy I’m adopting you too actually all your guardians keep hiding important shit, You and Maria are my kids now. Tera can visit but you don’t half to see her if you don’t want to

“Your a Belmont your not supposed to hide in a hut. And you’re not supposed to kill vampires for money” FUCKIN TELL HIM RITCHER

SYPHA MENTION LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOO

“And she left you out” that’s so cold I love it

“I was the best magician the Belmont line ever produced” yeah and Sypha would be so disappointed in you now

Oooh this is why Ritcher can’t do magic either shit

“Evil will always win, Ritcher” ONLY WITH THAT FUCKING ATTITUDE

I hope Ritcher figures out how to use his magic again, I hope he proves his grandfather fucking wrong

Please don’t give into this Ritcher please

My son nooooooo

He looks far to fucking happy about Ritcher sobbing I fucking hate this guy actually

Ooooh Annette’s doing magic!!!!

Ritcher isn’t useless he’s just traumatized

“It’s the source of your fury but it’s not the source of your power” that’s such a good line holy shit

I love this contrast between Ritcher’s grandfather tearing Ritcher and the idea of the Belmont’s down with Annette’s mentor builds her up, speaks of her ancestors well and their strength and how hope isn’t lost

“There is light in this darkness”

Edouard voice coming in ;-;

Hi Olrox!

Why do they keep killing all the gay people?

It’s a bit soon to talk about immortality together Mizrak

“I’m not in love with you” damn ok

YOOO THEY REMEMBER!!!! ISACC WAS ALWAYS RIGHT HE KNEW HE KNEW!!!!

NIGHT CREATURE REBELLION LETS GO PLEASE

Maria my daughter he sucks he isn’t worth your time

I fucking hate the Abbot so fucking much

MARIA RUN GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN PLEASE

Olrox ripping this entire facade down I knew there was a reason I liked you

Hiiiiii Drolta <3

Please don’t hurt my daughter Drolta

NIGHT CREATURE REBELLION!!!!

OH FUCK OFF OLD MAN LIKE YOU CARE

Oh Ritcher-

Yeah you were a terrible father you fuck

DID HE JUST LEAVE HIS GRANDSON TO DIE?!?!?!

OH FUCK ITS THE GUY DROLTA WAS HANGING OUT WITH

IS HIS AXE A GUN?!?!?! THATS SICK

The old man is actually just pathetic ok

The flash of Julia fuuuuuuuck

Why don’t the vampires ever try to turn any of the Belmonts?

If Maria dies I will be distraut

HIS MAGIC IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!! LETS GO RITCHER!!!!!!!!

THIS IS SO SICK!!!! THE ONE GLOWING EYE THE MUSIC CINEMA!!!!!

THE BLUE FLAMES!!!!!!

LETS FUCKING GO RITCHER LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I may have a new favorite Belmont… sorry Trevor

“I half to live”

The sun rising and the burning river and the headband flowing in the wind I fucking love Castlevania this is so damn pretty

[followthedurge]

I finished the outline last night! I realized this morning I could just make it a post netherbrain AU but this divergent AU might be more fun/easier? Idk

It's 18 chapters so putting it under a cut

Chapter 1

Batsheva is sent on more petty errands around Baldur's Gate. Introduce her having her one-sided conversations with Bhaal, Dark Urge intruding in thoughts about various people and elements she encounters.

Vincent meets with Nine-Fingers Keene and gets the job to tail her. Following her on her errands, she gets feeling she's being watched. Meets her at a bar where she is to pick up cakes for Gortash. Vincent attempts to pickpocket her, grabs her purse and taunts her, pins her with his tail, flirts. Batsheva grabs infernal dagger and turns the tide. Vincent creeps his tail up and snatches the dagger, holds it over her stomach, piercing ever so slightly. Hovers mouth over her neck, taunts her by threatening to rip out her jugular with his teeth.

In a flash Vincent casts darkness and is gone.

Batsheva, the urge screaming in her, searches for a vagrant to murder. Satisfied, she returns to Gortash who was waiting for her. Senses the tiefling on her, fucks her. Normally no desire, thinks about the tiefling.

Vincent returns to the Guild and reports her errands and encounter with her. They don't know she's Bhaalspawn yet.

Chapter 2

Batsheva tasked with murdering three patriars that evening. Vincent again tags along. Watches her kill the first one, admiring her technique. As she skulks to the second's house he stops her, Batsheva is enraged, drunk with bloodlust. Beats Vincent within an inch of his life, kills the second patriar as he bleeds out in the street.

As she leaves, sees Vincent unconscious, leaves a small vial of a healing potion next to him.

Murders third patriar, plants evidence pointing to the thieves guild.

Chapter 3

With increased scrutiny on the Guild, Vincent has to do his part to help fix things. He and Batsheva begin a game of cat and mouse, he chases her while trying to clean up after her dirty work and she plants more and more evidence.

Patriars in Gortash's hands begin advocating for his ascension, more propaganda. Batsheva has to start joining Gortash in the political theater. Asks her if she's gotten rid of the tiefling. She gets sensitive. She likes him. As a plaything, but still. She deserves to play with her toys.

Chapter 4

Vincent tails Bea to a small town (where?) outside Baldur's Gate. Wears a disguise at the inn (name it), Bea doesn't recognize him at first. They share drinks and talk, flirt. She declines his advances and says she has an early morning, retires to bed early. Sneaks out to meet with some humans and goblins, emissaries from Moonrise Towers. V hears all he needs and hurries back to the inn.

Pays a bribe to be shown her room, digs through her shit. Hides when she comes back, watches her undress and get into bed. Carefully sneaks out of her room and reports back to the Guild.

Chapter 5

In the Undercity Sewers, Bea finds herself surrounded by too many enemies (what? why? who?), running out of juice. Vincent and a few others come upon her, she bribes them with gold to help her get rid of them. Vincent declines and says he'll take a date instead. With a spear through her gut she agrees.

At the inn (which?) they share good food and good drinks. Bea is getting looser lipped but still doesn't reveal much. Tail flirting, takes her through the basement and into the sewers into a little hidden room. Where he stayed when he first left Elturel. They fuck passionately and Bea immediately leaves.

Back at the fortress, Gortash can smell the alcohol and tiefling on her. Brutally fucks her, she thinks about the gentle passion and enjoyment with Vincent and the seed of wanting more from life is planted.

During sex, Vincent pickpocketed a map he found folded in one of her pockets when he was undressing her. Various locations marked in unfamiliar hand with unknown symbols, map appears to be to and through the Undercity Sewers but unsure what (something to do with the Cult of Bhaal)

Chapter 6

Vincent and a couple others follow the map through the ruins. The first few locations show nothing of interest. Further in they see piles of corpses in various stages of rot. They come to the giant door for Bhaal's cult and stop.

Bea takes out the two comrades next to V before he notices. Pins him against the door with a dagger in his gut. His blood unlocks the door and she drags him into her grand private chambers. Bhaal booms, tortures her, the urge is too much, she tries to fight it letting him get enough licks in to incapacitate her and escape.

Chapter 7

Back at the Guild, Vincent reports the involvement of the Cult of Bhaal, combined with journals and letters, what he saw outside the city, they begin to get an idea of what's going on. He doesn't know Gortash is involved until his coronation as archduke when Batsheva is finely dressed on his arm.

He gets an invitation to an afterparty and talks to her, she is evasive and his interest sparks Gortash's jealousy. Batsheva tells him to meet her (where?) they walk to the shore, far from Baldur's Gate. Sit and talk, heartfelt, about their culture and pasts. Small moments of intimacy, she lets slip internal turmoil.

V returns to the Guild with a plan: Kidnap Batsheva

Chapter 8

Gortash and Bhaal require she kills Vincent and plant final nail in the Guild's coffin: killing Nine-Fingers Keene. Gortash takes her to the Cult and defiles her on the altar, forcing her to do as Bhaal says. This breaks her image of her father, her respect, that he would disrespect this and Bane's chosen do this to her arguably a god herself? She will do what she must, not for Bane and not for Bhaal but because she will revel and bask in slitting his throat and feeling his hot blood on her bare breasts. And then she wants out.

Lured in, they share another night of passion and Vincent convinces her to come to the Guild with him, to talk, that they know all about the plans. She agrees, finding it a good opportunity to kill them and get out. Instead, jail her.

Chapter 9

Interrogation is fruitless, she wants it and wants more. Vincent convinces to let him talk to her. He cleans her up and doesn't speak. Over the next two days he visits her three times a day for meals. She will try to goad him but he never responds. On the third day he sits down outside her cell holding her journal.

She wrote about him. She wrote about fantasies.

About wanting out.

"I can help you. The Guild can help you."

"It's not that easy when your father is a god"

"Mortals have challenged gods, mortals have become gods, bhaal himself was once a mortal was he not"

Chapter 10

Batsheva agrees. She will need to go back to Gortash for their plan to work as they need more intel, documents, tangible things they can break down. She explains exactly how they need to hurt her and how badly, and says it needs to be Vincent that does it. She will eat the humiliation, she will admit she let lust distract her, she will reveal that the Guild (what?) misdirecting them.

Intel and messages sent through dead drops, letters of encouragement. Midnight rendezvous with Vincent in alleys, not nights, just fleeting touches in the act of business.

Chapter 11

They have a plan:

- Regain control of the treasury

- Replace corrupt members of the Flaming Fist in key places in the hierarchy

- Start with sabotaging production lines for Steel Watch so he can't make new ones

Batsheva is caught by Gortash sending a letter out, it is a recipe for (steel watch component) disguised as a recipe. He knows he can never get her to say what it really is, threatens Vincent and the Guild, threatens her.

Threatens to call Raphael. Batsheva laughs, cackling, there is nothing and no one she fears. She will not sign another contract. Gortash explains the original contract was signed, sealed and delivered by and to Raphael.

Chapter 12

Raphael meets with her in private. Says she can change it if she really wants to, give Bhaal's controlling Karsus stone to him. Says she doesn't have it. Raphael uses a claw to open her bowels, digs through painfully to pull out the bright violet stone. (Flesh this out more, what would she change? would she really do it or would she resist?)

Asks to think on it. Confides in Vincent. He tells her she can't. Tell her to let him remove it and they'll smash it. A distrustful glint in his eyes, he's genuine but it's Raphael, it's Bhaal, it's the Urge.

Batsheva says no and returns to her room at the Cult. Sceleritas talks to her, it's like a teen girl's first love and her BFF.

Vincent reports to the Guild that she has one of the controlling stones. They have to kidnap her or kill her, they must get the stone anyway they can because they need more time to get to Gortash.

Chapter 13

- Treasury and Flaming Fist back in control

Batsheva joins Vincent on a raid on a major shipping line of materials. He tells her she has to go back to the Guild with him and why. Vincent tells her she can be more, she can have more. She doesn't need to be anyone's pawn, she can be her own person.

Raphael brings them both to the House of Hope, taunts them with a fake wedding, images of them returning to Menzoberranzan and Vincent being tortured as a slave, of Batsheva having multiple partners while he watches and rots, living out his days as a less than nothing tiefling in Drow society. Shows Batsheva the destruction of Baldur's Gate and her atop a throne of corpses, all of them looking like Vincent (and others she got close to. who? existing origin characters?)

Chapter 14

Plays to their nature. Vincent should kill Batsheva as it is for the greater good, Batsheva could kill Vincent because she loves killing and power. Vincent breaks free, uniquely suited for the task playing a Cambion at his own game. Finds Batsheva who traps Vincent. She and Raphael sit at a desk together discussing the fate of the Karsus gem.

Batsheva doesn't want to give it to the Guild, or to Bhaal, or to Raphael and she doesn't want it either. Raphaels hurts Vincent, forces Bea to choose.

Refuses to sign a contract, grabs the quill and stabs it into her stomach, pulling out the gem and slamming it on the desk. He tells her if she doesn't sign something then the original one between Bhaal and Bane will still be in force. She's fine with that.

Chapter 15

Back in Faerun, nursing her wounds. They discuss what they saw, she confesses her feelings. The Urge will always be there and she doesn't want to hurt him and he asks if it's just a matter of killing something, anything to satisfy it. "Yeah pretty much"

"I think we will have no issue. Baldur's Gate and Faerun itself is never lacking in people and things that need to die."

Finish sabotaging the supply lines, return to the guild to report success and plan assault on Steel Watch and how to deactivate them all.

Chapter 16

In the middle of the factory together, Guild vs (who?) Batsheva must choose. Ketheric's forces are marching in for backup and other Cultists are traveling as well. Gortash is the only one that keeps BG safe.

Sceleritas Fel says he's wrong, that she could take his stone and with Raphael rule over Faerun together after they get Ketheric's. Batsheva, a fit of rage and frustration slaughters the workers on the floor. Vincent et al find her, smiling and laughing among the carnage. They tie her up and take her with them deeper into the depth of the factory.

Chapter 17

Batsheva awakens from her stupor in the middle of the big boss fight, navigates around the area placing daggers between metal spines, taking down giant machines. Vincent toe to toe with the biggest one, mages at his back trying their best. Batsheva's massacre awakened the Ravager in her. Unable to take the Slayer form while out of her father's good graces, she discovered what a well satisfied dark urge can be used for.

She tears the steel watch to pieces with her bare hands, grabbing two ton plates and ripping them off its body, digging into the guts, punching dents, ripping the helmet off and tearing it to pieces. She advances to the brain in a vat, the main control center, before anyone else can stop her she dives into the bubbling ooze digging through the brain and ripping it apart. Shudders across the city as the steel watch crumbles.

When all is silent, the tank too, V worries until she floats to the top cradling and gnawing on a piece of brain, looking as content as a baby.

Chapter 18

Grand confrontation in Wyrm Rock Fortress. Bea is weakened again but demands she confront him herself. He taunts her, teases her, uses any and all magic he can muster (research the fight again). Half dead he escapes through winding passages, Vincent and Batsheva (any others?) chasing after him.

They get him cornered in the Cult of Bhaal, a mistake as Bea knows it like the back of her hand. She leads him back to the altar, V following close behind. Fist fighting and V gets the gauntlet off, reducing his power. Bea gets him on the altar and forces V away from her.

Bhaal appears and tells her no, orders her, demands her. That he is a god and her father and she must obey. Batsheva reminds him he was once a mortal as she digs her hands into Gortash's throat, feels his esophageous, revels in the feeling in her fist, in her other hand she uses healing magic to keep his blood flowing through the ruptured veins, watching it move over her hands and back into the other vein.

Asks if Vincent wants to see, politely declines. Says he should get comfortable, this will take a while. Vincent sits down against the door and polishes his daggers.

[quercus-queer]

hey, what’s up with tlou 2? I keep seeing comments mentioning how it’s related to zionism but I can’t find info on it

Im not someone who gets very interested in creators of the media I enjoy (idk what my fave band looks like or their names) and I was only a very casual watcher of tlou adaptation and gameplays. I only recently found out Neil Druckmann is a Zionist and that tlou2 was “inspired by the Israel-Palestine conflict.”

This is to say Im not the most informed and have no desire to watch the podcasts this Vice article gets quotes from, the article was more than enough information for me. There’s some reddit threads out there too but I digress.

Some excerpts that I think sum up the article, Druckmann’s bias, and explains the criticisms people have always had about tlou’s writing.

But "cycles of violence" are a poor way to understand a conflict in a meaningful way, especially if one is interested in finding a solution. The United States, for example, hasn't been at war in Afghanistan for almost 20 years because it's trapped in a "cycle of violence" with the Taliban. It is deliberately choosing to engage with a problem in a way that perpetuates a conflict. Just as the fantasy of escaping violence by simply walking away from it is one that only those with the means to do so can entertain, the myth of the "cycle of violence" is one that benefits the side that can survive the status quo

In The Last of Us Part II's Seattle, Scars and Wolves hurt each other terribly, and the same can be said about Israel and Palestine. The difference is that when flashes of violence abate and the smoke clears, one side continues to live freely and prosper, while the other goes back to a life of occupation and humiliation. One side continues to expand while the other continues to lose the land it needs to live. Imagining this process as some kind of symmetric cycle benefits one side more than the other, and allows it to continue.

As a result, The Last of Us Part II never quite justifies its fatalism.

…

This seems to be The Last of Us Part II's thesis: humans experience a kind of "intense hate that is universal," as Druckmann told The Post, which keep us trapped in these cycles.

But is intense hate really a universal feeling? It's certainly not one that I share. I, too, have seen the video of the 2000 mob killing of the Israeli soldiers in Ramallah, and it's horrific. Yet, my immediate response wasn't "Oh, man, if I could just push a button and kill all these people that committed this horrible act, I would make them feel the same pain that they inflicted on these people," as Druckmann said.

This is not a universal feeling as much as it's a learned way of seeing the world.

…

The trouble with [the story/writing/themes], and the reason that Ellie's journey ultimately feels nonsensical, is that it begins from a place that accepts "intense hate that is universal" as a fact of life, rather than examining where and why this behavior is learned.

Personally, I’ve come to understand that people who cling to the Cycle of Violence as human nature, especially concerning community/global conflict have an deep misunderstanding of humanity.

This post details an article that requires an account to access, but elaborates on a certain mentality about Landback movements:

Additionally, the casting for tlou2 adaptation has come out and it’s a shit show:

Dina (the only Jewish character in the series + her fam) will be played by a very skinny conventionally attractive Hispanic non-Jewish woman who is allegedly a Zionist

Abby will be played by a very skinny conventionally attractive 5’2” woman who is also allegedly a Zionist

Also worth noting since some redditors misunderstood: the author is NOT saying Palestinians are literally like the Scars, the entire point is that Neil created the Scars to parallel how HE (biased) sees the conflict.

[television-pil0t]

When he finally leaves so I can have a severe breakdown that’s been building up.

God I feel awful. I hope he’s ok. I can’t keep helping him we have the same problem man. My parents suck to. My bf doesn’t understand either! IM SCARED TO OPEN UP TO MY BF TO! ITS BECOMING TO MUCH FOR ME TO! I’m sorry. I can’t help you when I have no idea how to help myself. I get mad because my bf talks to other people to. I get so jealous I push myself to. I hurt myself because he doesn’t need me to. I don’t know how to get you to stay. I want you to stay. I want you to keep talking to me because your pain makes me feel less alone. We both wanna kill ourself so bad man. I don’t have a plan like you. I don’t know what’s next. I CANT MAKE BY MYSELD EITHER FUCK IM SORRY EVERY TIME YOU VENT TO ME I JUST TELL YOU “talk to your friends! TALK TO YOUR BF! BUT SHIT I CANT DO THAT! You tell me “I’m gonna fucking do it I can’t take it anymore” but I’d I said that to my bf HE WOULDNT GIVE A SHIT! HES FUCKING DONE! HE FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SORRY I CANT HELP YOU IM IN WORSE! I’m in fucking deeper. You got to your month anniversary with your bf AND IVE BEEN IN MY RELATIONSHIP FOR 3 YEARS! Three fucking years! It’s hard for me to man! Idk how to keep going either! Idk how I’m gonna be a adult! Idk how to tell my friends that I’m suicidal either man I DONT FUCKING KNOW! I have no idea what I’m gonna do in a year! OR A MONTH! OR A DAY FROM NOW! All I do is the same thing you do. I feel like I’m not good at anything to! I feel useless too! I FEEL SO FUCKING UNLOVED TO MAN AND IDK WHAT TO DO ANYMORE EITHER! I’m sorry I can’t help you as much as other people can but god at least you HAVE other people. I hope you take my advice. I hope YOUR bf helps you. I hope your ok. I hope you didn’t SH to bad again. I hope you don’t do it Saturday. I know my bf would be so fucking sad and I can’t deal with that. I can’t deal with the secrets and the lies and the insecurity either man! I CANT DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE THAN YOU CAN! I’m scared to. I’m so so so fucking scared and now I have nobody to talk about it to. I hope someone can help you. I looked out the window of my apartment and all I can think of is getting a gun and just getting it over with. He makes account after account to just hide from me because he dosnt fucking trust me. He keeps so fucking much from me it’s agonizing. I’m tired of crying to man! IM TIRED OF ALL OF IT TO! I DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO! GOD I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! I hate screaming while crying it gives me a headache. I hate limping when I walk after punching myself. I hate the way he didn’t tell me he loved me back for 2 days I hate the way he treated me for a year I hate the way I grew up. I hate myself. I hate being a failure. I hate being as jealous as I am. I HATE THAT HE DOSNT POST ABOUT ME! I hate the fact that he’s talked shit about me to all his family and don’t even wanna tell THAT mf that we’re dating because “I just don’t wanna hear his lecture” WELL WHOS FAULT WAS IT THAT HE SEES ME IN SUCH A FUCKED UP LIGHT! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU TELL HIM! I hate how I feel! I hate that I remember it all! The good and the bad. I hate when I draw! I hate my voice. I hate my body. I hate being touched. I hate THAT I ASK FOR TO MUCH TO! WE BOTH ASK FOR TO MUCH FROM OUR PARTNERS! I DONT KNOW! I don’t know. It’s been 3 years and idk what to do! I know I ask for to much and I haven’t even asked anything of him yet besides comfort and HES DONE GIVING ME THAT! I feel so hopeless. So fucking alone. So tired all the time. Maybe I should make a plan. With all the mental flashes of shooting myself in the jaw maybe I’ll do that. I have no idea what to do. AHHH I DONT WANNA DIE THO! I DONT WANNA DIE I JUST WANT SOMETHING I CANT HAVE! ILL NEVER HAVE! WHEN HE LEAVES ME AGAIN IM JUST GONNA BE ALONE! Just like I said when we first started dating “I swore I was gonna die alone” shit! I AM! I get tired of everyone so quickly. I’m so needy. I’m either obsessed to the point of neglecting myself or I’m selfish to the point of them leaving. I’m a piece of shit that deserves this fucking life. This god damn hell I put myself in. I miss my mom.

[tfyouthinkiam505]

really wish i could expose my ex to his stupid friend who was tryina tell me that im the problem and that i was the asshole

im not the one who sent a video of someone killing themself to someone who i knew was struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts, thinking it was funny

im not the one who flashed the other person multiple times without their consent and before we were anywhere near being a "thing"

im not the one who asked someone out and then proceeded to threaten to kms after being rejected because the other didnt want to be in a long distance relationship and didnt really feel that way about me, forcing them to agree and say theyll go out with me

and thats all just within the first MONTH of us even KNOWING eachother

im not the one who broke up with him while laughing

im not the one who, right after breaking up, went off n started fuckin someone else, who was a minor 4 years younger than me while im a grown ass adult

and dont even get me started on all the shit that i wasnt the one who did THROUGHOUT our 2 year long relationship

what did i do that was so much worse than what he did?

most my relationships before him were really abusive. so i lost my temper a few times when HED provoke me. i never hit him tho. just yelled. hes the one whos a body builder twice my size backing me into a corner while yelling and raising his fist at me like hes boutta hit me over some small shit

picked on him a little bit. picking on others is how i show my affection. cause being vulnerable wasnt a good thing to me after yknow. being in so many abusive relationships beforehand as well as all the neglect from my parents throughout my life. so its kinda just how i am

thats about it.

towards the end of our relationship when shit was getting real bad, i started losing feelings for him and gaining feelings for someone else. but its not like i acted on them n me n that person didnt even get together till like 3 months after my ex n i had broken up

the thought i was guilt tripping him when id have panics attacks over something that was wrong and confided in him over and for, in again, a panicked state, taking up his offers to help fix the problem

he offered to get me something that would help the situation

and if i wasnt in the middle of a panic attack, i would have 100% declined and told him i was fine. i cant think straight when im panicking and i never asked him to help me. he offered of his own free will and me being in the wrong state of mind was reaching around frantically for anything i could get that would ease my anxiety

but ig all those things are awful and make me a terrible human being

otherwise all i did was give him gifts

gave him all my attention and free time

loved him

comforted him when he was sad or upset

held him when hed cry when he visited

even if it was after he was finished blowing up at me n making me fear for my life wonderin if he was gonna hurt me or not

i always did my best to be there fkr him with whatever he needed

so idk 🤷‍♂️

[cydhouseofgryffindor]

I posted 8,387 times in 2022

36 posts created (0%)

8,351 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

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@07-05-1994

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I tagged 192 of my posts in 2022

#bridgerton - 36 posts

#mayans mc - 19 posts

#ez reyes - 14 posts

#angel reyes - 13 posts

#bridgertonedit - 13 posts

#anthony bridgerton - 12 posts

#kate sharma - 10 posts

#bridgerton spoilers - 10 posts

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#will smith - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 93 characters

#wow i’ve always been fascinated by houses with greenery but i’ve never seen the seasons shift

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Mayans Spoilers

Episode 8

Chile EZ no longer in the building…like that man is completely gone! Is it bad that I’m kinda turned on by it? 🙃

Louisa does not need to be anybodys mom…not rn at least…she needs to do some major healing. But Angel is such a cute daddy omg 🥺 I wonder why he hasn’t said anything to Felipe or EZ about the baby.

Angel semi trying to be there for EZ is adorable. He’s not that good at it probably because he always felt he never had a support system

They just ok Nails girl bye lmaoo

I’m sick of Emily like why? Just why?

Felipe is just heartbroken all the way around and it’s breaking my heart

Miguel can’t catch a break lmao

Taza giving Bish the same attitude now and I am all the way here for it.

Jess girl should’ve just minded her damn business because now look at her ass smh

24 notes - Posted May 31, 2022

#4

It still think it’s hilarious that JD plays the younger brother and he’s older than Clayton lmaoo

26 notes - Posted April 6, 2022

#3

Mayans spoilers

This shit is out of control chile!

I was so conflicted when EZ and Manny (idk his characters name yet) were fighting 😭

Gilly is forever about that action lmaoo

Angel and Nails? No just fuckin no. She is not built for this life. Her trying to stop him from going after his brother pissed me off so bad…even though I know it’ll hurt Angel I really hope the baby ain’t his because I can’t take much of her and all her crying. Like idk why they’re forcing this…mans literally dreads having to go home and then deleting his other baby’s pic? Ion like that. At least he isn’t sleeping in jeans anymore though.

I thought we were going to get two whole episodes without Emily but…

Bish has officially lost it…idk mans needs a hug and therapy

While I’m happy Manny has a neck tattoo (they knew) that shit is so ugly lmao like wth?!

They did not have to make me think they killed Angel..I was about to turn the whole show off and never watch again

EZ with that fake ass beard had me crying lmaoo but I’m happy we get to see more of his time in prison

The time jump was weird though..like why?

Letty needs to relax like foreal

EZ also needs a whoopin for many things but do not ignore my father in law like that sir! Also that big ass dog in that little ass trailer?

Taza just seemed out of it man…he’s battling his demons like shit

I’m guessing we’re going to get a lot of flash backs? Because they didn’t explain some shit within those 4 months. I mean was coco punished or anything? Or they just said fuck it. I’m so happy he’s clean again thought but he needs to let Hope go.

This man from jail is gonna set EZ on a rampage I feel like…

I’m excited for this season though

27 notes - Posted April 19, 2022

#2

Mayans Spoilers

Episode 6

Manny is back!!!! Been waiting on boo and he’s ready to tear some shit up!

So like I know Angel is the bad boy, fuck boy and everything else but them making him sleep with Letty? I feel like he really never would’ve done that. That’s so fucked and messy and her ass better not be pregnant! He shouldn’t have been the one to go anyways

Gilly was really the only one visibly upset about Coco and I don’t appreciate that at all

I hope something actually happens with EZ and that girl. Especially since Emily is on his line again. Can she just go to jail or something?

Miguel coming out of hiding? 👀 I wonder who he called. Where is Nester? 👀

Once they showed Luisa finding her baby I knew they were going to make Nails lose hers. Which is fucked up. But she can go ahead and take that ring off because we all know…

I don’t like that they made Angel lose another child though and papa Reyes was excited about having a grandchild.

Also what is papa Reyes doing? Is he moving like what’s going on? Did I miss something?

I guess we’re going to war 🙃

29 notes - Posted May 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

My chest 😩😭

216 notes - Posted April 5, 2022

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[moonseekers]

holyyyy shhhit i just caught up with ch 26/27 and wow it explains so much but i refuse to believe the story's over yet - i mean ok at least from wattpad and webtoon now we've got some confirmation of events which have been portrayed in most of their past mvs but like u said we still don't know what's solon's backstory (we don't know if he was a hybrid before they sealed the powers inside him or if he turned into a hybrid after they teleported them to the future), we don't know why he's different, we don't know what the original princess was like, we don't know if dardan = chris or if dardan took on chris's body to catch sooha (or did he take chris's memories from his dead body ,,like did dardan kill chris as a boy and take his body or something idk how does that work)

and of course we've also yet to see what happened to other five wolves from khan's pack. i wonder how they're going to integrate them into the story esp since this means that the nightball teams aren't going to be equal (and how they're gonna tie this vampire conundrum in with the grey city storyline

in the one in a billion mv it appears that they drank the princess's blood but the way it drips down her hands in that one scene leads me to think that she was somehow killed or something. it's not like the drunk dazed mv scene where she pours it out of that little chalice thing. i wonder what the real story behind that scene is cos it looks so far removed from reality (a bit like some dream-like world or something)

but so far i did like that little plot twist about how vamfield was meant to protect them cos in the given-taken mv it did look like an oppressive place. i kind of understand the mv scene where they're getting their teeth (?) checked with a torch and how there's one flash scene of someone's fangs left on the shelf, how they're made to take pills or something like that ... marge and the caretakers were probably trying to remove all traces of them being vampires so they tried to suppress them. but i suppose that didn't entirely remove their supernatural abilities cos we see noa floating, solon's hand on fire, etc. (ok the abilities don't really match here lol)

we also need marge's backstory lmao what's she been up to these 120 years or so how did she get turned and who are the 'they' who worked with her to keep the boys safe (and if those guys r dead who killed them)

still glad that they're updating the cuttoons though! those are too cute. if they published a collection of those little things in a book i would buy it in a heartbeat lmao

the dark moon merch omg like i need someone to scan those illustrations ;-;

and!! just wanted to say thank u for tolerating all my incoherent rambling in your inbox it's like i disappear for a while and then come back with a 1k word vomit 🙃 also i love love reading your incorrect quotes for the characters keep em coming

AAA HI I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU SO WE COULD TALK ABOUT THIS SHIT BECAUSE THERES SO MUCH LORE THAT WE GOT!!! oh my goodness, i was shook reading this and i was so happy... but at the same time, i feel like i'm back in day one (square one).

the only things that confuse me are, why does dardan look so much like chris, where are the other werewolves like you mentioned, and why the fuck is solon a hybrid? HOW the fuck is solon a hybrid? WHEN the fuck is solon a hybrid 💀 i have an idea for the chris/dardan idea but honestly, i've been thinking it since i read the fast pass episodes....

i have been thinking that it was possible that someone took on the appearance of chris to get to sooha and lower her guard. i didn't know it was DARDAN, but i think he took on chris' appearance to make her more willing to trust him. and he chose the perfect time, whether intentional or not, because sooha's relationship with the vampires was strained after she found them drinking the blood...

when i read chapter 26, i kept thinking of this character from a game i play (honkai impact) who literally has the same situation as chris. i don't think you play the game so i might just make a whole post on why their situations are so similar. i noticed a lot of similarities between dark moon and honkai impact so i just might make an entire post about it... even though, again, i’m probably the only one who plays honkai and reads dark moon LMAOO

honestly, i feel like those remaining five wolves aren’t going to be mentioned in the blood alter. i think they’d be mentioned in the gray city, because that’s their story... also i think that the reason why the webtoon, wattpad and cuttoon are so different is because they’re alternate universes with their own timelines. so they’re all canon, just in their own timelines. three of the five remaining werewolves were mentioned in the wattpad but they haven’t been mentioned in the webtoon... i also think the gray city is going to follow that same pattern -- this is also one of the honkai impact/dark moon similarities i noticed... i’ll get into that in aforementioned post

also about solon... i think he’s always been a werewolf but, since his memories were erased, he never remembered it. i was talking to @many-gay-magpies about this and... we kiinda think he’s never had the chance to realize he was a werewolf cause he never got the chance to transform... maybe he’s always suspected it and there were little hints but he never fully transformed, much less came close to it -- at least not before chapter 8. cause he seemed really surprised in chapter 8, like he suspected it but he didn’t know for sure

given-taken really throwing the switcheroo on us 💀 yet in the wattpad, it’s clear that the boys enjoyed their time at the orphanage and they did have a lot of happy memories there before the orphanage burned down.... which also supports my idea of alternate universes which, again, i’ll get into soon

marge..... m a r g e. yeah, we need more info on her hsergseg cause she knows the most about the boys yet we know nothing about her.

I NEED THAT MERCH but unfortunately, unless international shipping becomes a thing, i won’t be able to get it </33 but if you find someone who scanned the merch send me a link 👀👀👀

and don’t worry!! i love talking to you about this stuff :DD it’s very fun and sometimes, things get a little clearer :>