#who i am didn’t fit their idea of what a good daughter or Proper Woman is.

[spacelesscowboy]

i think one of my biggest fears about dying isn’t actually dying, (although it is pretty scary to think about) it’s dying and then being remembered as someone i wasn’t.

[bonny-kookoo]

Mean (JJK x Reader) 💜☁️✴️🔞

💸 Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

💸 Genre: Mafia!AU, Single Parent AU!, Angst, fluff, Smut

💸 Warnings: bad language aka cursing, mentions of cheating, mentions of illegal business, manhandling and not the nice kind, tsundere Jungkook, it’s not like he likes you duh, guns, description of violence, restriction of movement and not in a kinky way, protected sex because dude he’s got one kid okay that’s enough, unconventional romance, choking, near death experience, angst did I mention angst

💸 Summary: Jeon Jungkook was kinda cute, you had to admit that- but he was also a massive douchebag with his head up his ass. And a cute kid.

A/N: First of all, I want to apologize to anyone I might dissapoint with this. I've changed up the story concept numerous times- and the first trailer is in no way a proper teaser anymore, since it has nothing to do with this story anymore. I somehow hope you still enjoy the story however. If not- I hope you'll stick around for future content!

Taglist: @drumsofheaven @yzkyzkuniverse @strwberrybtch @kirbykook @teresaisla @park-hera-gi @justzeera @taestannie @bambuzlee (there were several people I couldn’t tag- I’m sorry about that!) 

Jeon Jungkook was facing his worst enemy.

Now, considering his work and all those rumors going on about him, this could be anything really; from an entire army storming his house, to readying himself for waterboarding. But no, this enemy he was currently standing across from was way more vile and difficult to get under control. The situation was slowly growing desperate on his side- this was a life and death situation.

"Mina, come on now." Jungkook pleaded as the toddler vehemently refused to raise her arms properly so he could slip on her dress for the day. He could understand her, to an extend- he wasn't a morning person either, but he had to overcome this in order to be successful- and she had to as well.

Well, success was not really that important at her age, but getting her to daycare definitely was.

"Mina I have a meeting soon and if you continue to be a brat I can't send you off again properly." He tried, knowing how much she hated him leaving in a rush like usually. He'd promised her the day prior as he'd tucked her into bed that he would, this time, at least stay until her friends had arrived, yet he couldn't have known that this situation would occur the next morning.

Sometimes being a single father was way worse than anything he was facing at his actual job.

"There we go!" He cheered as she finally caved in, pouting a bit before she giggled at the silly face her father was making in order to get her to smile. He hated sending her off in a foul mood, knowing that she could be an absolute devil's child if she felt like it. In a way, she was very similar to him, which was to be expected with her mother not being in the picture. He didn't mind it much, however- a cheating spouse was not really what he wanted by his side, if he was being entirely honest with himself. It was enough already knowing that almost all of his 'friends' and 'business partners' were shameless liars. He didn't need to live and raise a child with one as well.

"Tiger!" The young girl cheerfully exclaimed, as the both made their way into the kitchen. It wasn't just a random comment from her side, because her chubby hand already pointed at the cereal box designed with colorful images on the counter, way too high for her but perfectly reachable for her father as he chuckled, balancing her on his hip as he prepared a small bowl for her.

"No funny business though, young lady." He said, as he sat down with her at the table. "We don't have to hurry, but we can't waste time either." He explained, as he watched her eat her breakfast with a concentrated face. He smiled at the picture, sometimes wishing this would be how his days would always start. Sadly, that wasn't the case- most of the times really, her nanny took her to daycare.

Which was another problem.

Her nanny had recently filed in for her termination, her age getting to her as she finally made the decision to settle down for her last years of life, she'd said. He accepted it without much resistance, having build too much respect for the elderly woman over the course of time by now. It left him with a gaping hole however, one that he knew he needed to fill.

But with who?

He couldn't just hire anybody for Mina at this point in his life. People needed to be fully trustworthy to be even given knowledge of his child at all. Most didn't even know she existed- the public unaware of her relation to him. He kept the facade up that she was merely the child of a close friend, just to keep her out of range of any potential enemies he had gathered over time.

His life really wasn't fit for a child at all, but what was he supposed to do?

"Y/N!" A small voice exclaimed behind you, making you look around from where you were cutting apples as the small child appeared.

"Mina!" You answered just as brightly, picking her up as she giggled excitedly. "Did you have breakfast yet?" You asked, as another daycare worker came inside.

"Yeah!" She said, and you looked at her surprised. "Daddy and I had breakfast!" She explained, as you placed her back down onto the ground. "He'ven brought me here today!" She said, and you hummed affirmatively,

"That sounds awesome!" You said, as she beamed up at you. "Why don't you go sit at the table, we're almost having our morning snack. You think you can eat some apples?" You asked, and she proudly nodded, before zooming off, stumbling a bit as she missed the slight gap of the door.

"He didn't come inside." Jenny said, as she watched the little girl sit down next to a boy her age. "I saw that he was sitting in his car, but she got out herself." She explained further, as you continued cutting the apples and making some cuts to have them resemble a bunny. "I swear to god-" She started, as you cut her off.

"We don't know what his life is like, Jenny." You said, as she huffed. "It's not our kid, it's not our life. She isn't unhappy, she's healthy, she's not mistreated. Case closed." You explained further as you discarded the scraps of apple unneeded in the trash, before rinsing the knife you'd used. "I'm not too happy about it either, but we're not her mother." You said, as you dried your hands.

Jenny sighed. "I know, but like-" She said, walking over to you to help you place the banana slices and grapes as well. "She's such a sweet kid. I don't know, but he seems like such a dick honestly. Like, have you heard his phonecall last week?" You snorted. Everyone did at this point.

Mina had had a minor incident, when she'd stumbled and fell. She'd scraped her knee, cried a little, but after a moment everything had been fine again. He however, had been livid upon finding out his daughter had been hurt, even though the scratches didn't even need a bandaid. Even though he'd only been on the phone with your superior, he'd made such a scene out of it that it became like local news around the daycare.

"I still don't know what the fuck that was about." Jenny exclaimed, taking a sip of her coffee as she kept an eye on the kids in the main room. "Like, yeah, she fell, but nothing happened." She said, and you agreed.

Shrugging, you grabbed some plates and napkins, and looked at Jenny. "Again." You reminded her. "As harsh as it sounds, you know me." Jenny sighed.

"I know."

You took back everything you had said this morning.

This prick had the audacity to keep you waiting for more than two hours now, without reacting to any amount of phonecalls you'd done by now. Mina was almost asleep on your lap, and you were angry to say the least. This was supposed to be your last day of work for a week, you were supposed to be curled up on your couch in nothing but underwear and fluffy socks, hidden by a blanket and eating icecream while watching netflix. You were definitely not supposed to sit here at your daycare until even the janitor was about to go home. "Fuck it." You mumble, carefully balancing the young girl on your hip as you grab your bag and keys.

You wave the janitor and cleaning staff goodbye on their way out, and take out your phone for a bus or subway that could drive close to where Mina's address is- but you notice there is nothing in her jacket written that you could use as one. You instead simply call the number written down for emergencies, and wait as it rings.

once.

twice.

"Hello?"

You are a bit taken aback by the voice on the other line, masculine, but clearly not as old as you'd thought he'd sound. "Uh, yeah, this is Mina's daycare, you mind picking her up these days, or not?" You casually say, Mina moving around a bit as to bring her thumb close to her lips. You internally coo at her.

"Shit! Fuck- I, where are you?" He asks, and you furrow your brows. Where the hell does he think you are, or does he seriously not know where his daughters daycare is? Wait, is that even her father?

"I- listen, am I even talking to her father or who is this?" You ask, and suddenly you feel extremely uncomfortable. This was a bad idea, what if this isnt her dad at all? You could loose your job for this!

"Yeah, yes. Listen I'm gonna send someone to pick her up alright? Should be there in an hour or so." He says as if frustrated, and you scoff, making him question you on the other line as if he was just struck by thunder. "Excuse me?" He says, voice low, but you're not intimitated.

"First of all, I'm not convinced. Second of all, and pardon my french, but are you nuts?! It's already way too late for her to be up, and I've finished my shift hours ago!" You complain, and he clears his throat over the line, clearly unhappy about your lack of understanding.

"Jeon Mina has a small beauty mark underneath her lower lip, she hates strawberries for some reason, and her biggest secret is that she is actually scared of unicorns. There, happy?" He grits out, and you chew on your lip. He was good. "Second of all, Miss." He makes sure to pronounce every word. "You're getting paid to look after my kid. If that's all you want I'm paying you extra for the inconvenience-" Oh boy, there we go.

"If I cared about your stupid money I would've called authorities hours ago, S.I.R." You start, careful to tone your voice down as to not wake her up. "And you know what, thats a great Idea actually! Let me just-" You begin, but he cuts you off with a sound that sounds awfully like a door closing.

"Fuck you, I'm there in 20." He says.

Jeon Jungkook was not too fond of woman.

That much was clear ever since he'd been cheated on and left with a kid, but it had always been like that. It wasn't like he was afraid of them, or didn't like them, it was more like, during his life, woman had been the reason for heartbreak and bad news all along. His mother had been an alcoholic, his dad desperately trying to get her back on track. His sister had been involved into shady business early on, a wild child that would do anything to get on peoples nerves. His aunt, which only ever visited to gain money. Women were bad news.

So his own surprise had been very prominent when he spotted you on the bench with his kid in your arms,her chubby arms clinging onto you like a koala. You seemed to be reading something on your phone, careful not to point the device too close to Mina so she wouldn't be disturbed. You were pretty, he had to admit that, even from far away- and you seemed like a confident person, from what he'd heard over the phone. You suddenly noticed him as he drove a bit closer, car tires crunching the gravel and snow underneath while his headlights shut off, to not blind you both. He stepped out, as you woke Mina up to announce to her that her father had finally arrived.

"Daddy!" She screached sleepily, running towards him with stumbling legs. He picked her up with a smile before he turned around, having every intention to buckle her up in his backseat as you came closer.

"Huh. Mind telling me why I shouldn't inform authorities about this?" You asked, and he huffed out a breath with a roll of his eyes, pulling out his wallet. You simply stood there, arms crossed, not at all fazed by the amount of money he held in front of you- you simply raised your eyebrow. "I mean, if money could talk I'd ask your bills, sure. But that right there isn't an answer." You replied, and he gritted his teeth, jaw clenching. Why were you being so difficult.

"Okay, how much?" He said, and you suddenly moved, shifted, as if absolutely offended by his offer.

"Do I look like a streetworker to you sir?" You said, and he closed his eyes for a moment, until another car seemed to pull up.

"You're getting picked up." He says, ready to step into his car as you look at him with confusion. "You don't know them?" He asks, and you shake your head, having every intention to check as he notices something familiar peeking out of one of the car windows. As if on autopilot, he rips his passenger side open, pushes you in, and runs to get inside the drivers seat.

There are shots fired, Mina is holding her hands over her ears as she simply stares at you, who is absolutely shell-shocked.

What the hell just happened?

So yeah, that's how you got here-

In a room that looked awfully like the interrogation rooms in your late night netflix crime shows. There was someone sitting in front of you- Mina's father, watching you, like you were going to do anything. But you were as quiet as a mouse, not saying anything.

"So you didn't know them? At all?" He questioned for the second time in the past ten minutes, and you shook your head. "Hard to believe. Then again, why would you ever tell me that your Dad's brother was sentenced to two years for escorting drugs- only getting two years because he snitched." He said, and your eyes widened.

"Okay what the hell-" You started, but he cut you off.

"Oh, I hit a nerve-" But you weren't having it.

"Oh an I'm gonna hit your pretty nose if you don't stop cutting me off!" You said, making him smirk. For some reason, this was quite entertaining to him- the only woman he ever had in here were so keen on keeping up that shy and innocent facade, that you were a breath of fresh air. "Listen, I don't know why you decided to dig up things that happened when I was literally a TODDLER- or how you even got that information - I swear to god I will really break your nose!" You ended as he had tried to speak again, making him chuckle.

If you weren't being held captive after getting your night ruined you might as well would've thought that was pretty hot.

"I was five years old- I had nothing to do with it, and my dad had no contact whatsoever with his brother after what had happened." You explained. "If you can find that, you can also find that I haven't had contact with my family in years either." You said, leaning back, as he spoke.

"I did. Which is quite confusing to me." He said.

You suddenly went stone cold on him. "It really isnt that deep." You said.

"Were you avoiding them?" He asked. "Because of what happened? Or because your dad got involved into something?"

"Because they're dead." You said.

Well. This was something that made him actually stop and think for a second. He did dig into that nasty part of your family, but he never looked further- their death was something he had overlooked. And by your reaction as you said it, the way you said it, he knew that you weren't lying. "Alright." He said. "But you do realize that I can't just let you go like that, right?" He said.

"Figured." You said. "So, should I stand facing against the wall or with my back against it so you can aim better?" You said, and he took a deep breath. Technically, yes, that would be a logical outcome.

"Neither." He said, and you raised your eyebrow. "I have an offering." He said, and your entire body went stiff, arms crossing in front of your chest. A pure sign of whatever he was going to say, your first reaction would be no. "I need a nanny for Mina." He said, and your lips parted, confusion clear on your face.

He almost thought it was kind of cute.

"You what?" You said.

"I need a nanny for Mina." He repeated. "It's a win-win situation for both of us if you think about it. You get to- in a way- keep your job and a bonus in terms of payment, and I will have someone to take care of Mina. And I also don't have to put a bullet into your pretty little head." He said, leaning forward with the last words.

"This isn't really a question, isn't it?" You said, and he laughed.

"You're smart- I like you."

„But that’s not how daddy does it..“ she wonders, as you tie her shoes for her, before looking up into her eyes. She really does resemble her father. Well, a more innocent version, that is.

„Well everyone does it differently.“ you say, well aware that there were numerous ways to tie a simple bow. „Your daddy probably has learned it from someone who does it like he does. I learned it from my dad.“ you explained as you went to pick up her backpack, carrying it for her as she took your hand.

„yours looks prettier tho!“ she exclaimed happily, a skip in her step as she kept looking at her shoes with a smile. You grinned, a sense of pride filling you. „Daddy‘s always looks crooked on one side-„ she said, before a voice broke through the sweet moment.

„You hurt me Princess. You always said they look nice.“ he hummed from his spot in the doorway, leaned on the frame, looking at you with something you could only describe as unsatisfied, while shooting his daughter a smile.

What the hell have you done wrong now?

This had been something going on for months now. Ever since you started working for him as a nanny, Mina had been nothing but a ray of sunshine- but he, he was not even a raincloud. He was the angry grinch miltiplied by a hundred, ready to piss everyone off twenty-five-eight. Somehow everything you did wasn't up to his standards; the way you cooked for Mina, the way you dressed her, hell, even right now with the way you tied a fucking bow.

You really hoped next time he washed his hands, his sleeves would roll down.

"There's an emergency gun underneath the back-" He started as Mina was out of listening-reach.

"I won't use it." You said.

Jungkook had tried to get you trained at least in the basics of guns- but you practically had an allergy to it, refusing to so much as touch one. He didn't quite know what your problem was, but after a while, he had given up on it- simply sending one of his guards with you whenever he could. By now, you were an easy target as well if found alone, so you had joined him in his place, occupying one of the larger guest rooms. He had said that it was to keep an eye on you, but internally, he simply didn't want you to get hurt.

And yeah, at first that was because he didn't trust you, at all- but by now, somehow, you had sneaked your way into his heart, in a way. Even though he himself would always grumpily comment on it, he loved how you made Mina smile and the entire mansion light up. Things felt a little brighter, a little less tense, and a little less lonely with you around. It felt as if you were an actual family.

And that scared the shit out of him, because in no way was he going to fall for his daughters nanny.

And, after all; you hated his guts.

If Jungkook knew the situation you and Mina had gotten yourselves into, you don't know if he would be proud of her or kill you.

Turns out that the guard Jungkook had sent you out with wasn't actually following his orders at all, but words from a different person entirely- you imagined they were highly likely the one's out to shoot you back when you first met the tall mafia boss and father. Now, the only thing they definitely did not get right however, was that you were Mina's mother- and someone Jungkook valued enough to give up his safety. This was true for Mina; the young child was his everything, and he'd cut off his limbs just to know her safe and sound- but you? That was just absolutely stupid. Sure, you've been living together for quite some time now, and he stopped trying to mentally push you down the stairs every morning as well. But there was nothing more than a mild case of friend- and partnership. You weren't being emo; Jungkook had, after all, said it again and again that he had crossed out the dating game. He's got enough trouble with Mina and you, he had said.

Well, seemed like one of those issues would solve itself.

"Again, what're you gonna do?" You say, as Mina looks at you from out of the vents above you had helped her into seconds ago.

"Crawl where the nice air is, call daddy- and don't look back." She repeats proudly, but you can see it clearly that she's just as scared as you are.

"Exactly, good job princess." You praise, and she nods with a pout. "Once daddy gets you, you'll be safe." You promise, and she wants to complain- but you don't let her, closing the vent again as you hear her shuffling away. This was fine. Mina would be safe, Jungkook would have one person less to worry about- he could move away, bring her to a different part of the country where no one knew her, and she could simply go to school next year and forget all of this ever happened.

You were just a bit sad that you'd never get to see it.

Of course you weren't her mother- but it was hard not to let her inside your heart, with the way she was. The charms her dad didn't have, she got them times ten. She was just so sweet, and you were around her all the time, it was hard not to somehow grow fond of her. You just hoped she'd be alright.

"Where's the kid, whore?!" A guard yelled after noticing you were the only one left in the room. You simply smiled, not answering, before he grabbed your neck, pulling you up as much as he could as he fumed. "Save that stupid grin for your son of a bitch at home." He barks, and you desperately try to breathe- unsuccessfully so, until he forcefully pushes you back down, the back of your head hiding the concrete floor with a sickening crack. You squealed out in pain, holding onto the spot for dear life as if that would somehow help it- but it didn't. "I knew sluts like you have to be tied up. You're all just trouble." He says, pulling you by your legs as another set of people come in, binding your legs and hands. You can already feel your fingers getting cold from how tight your wrists are tied- but you black out from the kick to your stomach before you can quite dwell on it.

"Fuck!" He yells, before he gets up, hands in his hair to somehow help himself not punch the laptop on his table. He's seen it, seen it all- from the moments you would shield Mina like a fearless lioness, the second you had lifted her up into the vents even though he knew your shoulder had to be in horrible pain, to the very moment you had faced the consequences of your actions. He hated that he had to wait, that he had to simply sit here in his office like a coward just to watch you take the beatings.

Because here was the thing with Jungkook; even though he liked to portray himself as someone who always takes the upper hand in things and troubles, when it came to his own personal life far away from his criminal business he ran, he couldn't seem to ever make up his mind. It was like a repeat of his past love affair- but instead of his ex-wife cheating and leaving him with a child, there was you, in some way fighting like a true lionness in order to keep said child safe and sound, even though you didn't even had to. Technically, this would've been the perfect opportunity for you to finally get your freedom back in a way. Because without Mina, there was no use for you being in his grasp anymore. Without her, there was no agreement between the two of you.

And yet there you were. And yet again, he simply watched, simply did nothing.

The entire mansion was already on high alert by now; his most trusted friends Seokjin and Yoongi already out to your location- he could wait. He could wait. He could wait.

Everything would somehow turn out to be just fine by the end of this day. He would successfully take his daughter into his arms, Yoongi and Seokjin would get you out of there, and after a good nights sleep and some first aid for you, things would just return to normal.

But what was normal at this point?

He didn't want things to continue like they did currently. He wanted change, for the first time in his life. He wanted to tell you about his inner thoughts, about his desires concerning you and his future. He wanted to tell you that he didn't just want you to be at his home and with him and his daughter just because of some stupid agreement. He didn't want you to stay with him because he forced you to.

His phone began to chime, your face greeting him as the caller ID as he accepts it. "Daddy-" His heart sinks down to the floor as he hears Mina sniffle on the other side of the line. He has to wait, he thinks, repeats like a mantra. He has to somehow calm her down, tell her everything's alright- "They're hurting mommy!" Mina wails, and somehow, those words make him snap.

Fuck waiting.

In a way, Mina was a smart kid. She had been nothing but understanding when Jungkook and her mother had broken up- divorced, and fought until she eventually left for good. She had been a little sad for a long time, thinking it had somehow been her fault; but he had assured her, and later on, explained, that Mommy simply didn't love Daddy anymore. In Daycare, she was one of the most well behaved kids ever encountered- careful, and calm. Of course she got excited and happy and sometimes made a mess; but she also was very careful who she interacted with, what kinds of friends she made, and how much she talked about home. She never complained, never threw public tantrums.

Jungkook truly was lucky- that the only thing left of his shattered marriage had been her.

He never had relationships after that- never dated, never truly searched for someone. No one, in his eyes, was worth the risk- and even after meeting you, that was his opinion. But as cliche as it sounded, you were quite different from anyone he'd ever met before.

You spoke your mind; always saying what bothered you, never beating around the bush. Yet, you weren't being a bitch about things. No, you actually could be pretty cute if you wanted to be- be it the moments he had caught you and Mina sneak a taste of her birthday cake in the middle of the night, or the one time he had been sick.

You had been such an angel to him.

Helping him towards the bathroom, never even scrunching your nose in distaste whenever he had to throw up. You simply rubbed his back, helping him towards the sink to rinse, just to lead him back into his bedroom. You had aired the room out, made the bed, made sure that he was staying hydrated and at least tried to eat every day- all without any complains.

Maybe that was the moment his perspective of you shifted into dangerous territory.

He had somehow become hyperaware of the things you did. How well you got along with Mina, how easy going you were becoming with him- how confident yet nurturing and sweet you were, gently scolding him sometimes to not overwork himself. You always made sure his kid felt happy and was healthy, never so much as whined about your past friendships lost; you had simply accepted the new situation.

In a way, you were what he silently dreamed of at night.

Because as much as he loved the sight of you holding Mina whenever she had a nightmare and couldn't sleep, he somehow also craved to be held throughout the night by your arms. Just like he held his daughter in that moment after she had climbed out of the vent into his arms. He could make out some of her words as he simply let himself feel her tiny body in his arms for a moment. Just to make sure she was really there, really alright, really out of harms way. She kept on crying out for you, for him to help you, to save you-

So it was only natural for him to jump out of his car and run after Seokjin, Yoongi, and their squad, as they entered the building.

Sometimes at night, when you got aware of all the different sounds of the room, you heard the blood rush inside your brain.

Just like now; but now, it was so loud that you could barely hear anything else. Things seemed hazy, fuzzy, your ears stuffed with cotton wool drowning out any sounds might happening around you. Your eyes stayed closed, light way too bright for your raging headache- and the stale metal taste on your tongue wasn't helping either. Your hands had started to tingle long ago, and your knees were hurting from being in the same position for this long. But the moment someone touched you next, it wasn't forceful. It was so gentle, and almost- scared?

You couldn't hear, but you could feel. How the rope was cut, blood rushing painfully into your hands and legs again, pins and needles making them hypersensitive as you were suddenly held- moved, carried?

It smelled like home, that was something your dizzy mind was able to properly make out. It smelled like Jungkooks mansion, and a bit like his office- a faint vanilla hitting your senses, making you faintly smile as your hand reached out, unknowingly grabbing his shirt, holding the fabric as tight as you could as you moaned out in pain when he placed you down again, warmth surrounding you.

Maybe you were dying?

Or maybe not.

Because after some hazy and confusing dreams, you slowly came back to your senses. Eyes opening slowly, there it was; the curtains you knew so well, the balcony opened, air crisp and fresh around you as the door opened. You wanted to move your head, but the fear of triggering another headache was too big.

"Y/N?" Jungkooks voice asked, warm, and almost hesitant. You hummed, and he snapped his head around, noticing that yes- after days of sleeping and slipping in and out of consciousness you were actually awake again. He walked into your field of vision, looking so casual; his white button up undone at the first two buttons, sleeves rolled up as he sat down close to you, palm on the blanket covering you as he-

smiled?

"W-" You had to cough a bit before clearing your throat. "Who are you and what have you done to Jungkook?" You said, and he chuckled, sighing in relief- you had, after all, not lost your charm.

"I think past Jungkook had a moment of self-reflection." He said, watching you as his hand placed itself onto yours, warmth spreading over your skin. "I'm glad you're okay." He admitted. "And thank you. For keeping.. Mina safe." He ended, and you smiled.

"That's literally my job." You said, and he got more serious.

"No, and you know what I mean." His voice was deep and rough, yet held no authority like usual. "You had chances to tell them who you were. That you had no connection to me other than through her; yet you didn't. And we both know why." He said, and you looked at him.

"There are more reasons than just one." You said, eyes drifting to his now empty ring finger on the hand resting on his thigh.

"Does it matter which one I mean?" He asked, and you wanted to scoff.

"It does to me." You said, and he shifted closer after a second, properly holding your hand now as he looked at yours- still a little scratched, but nothing that wouldn't heal.

"You did it because that's the reason you live here." He said. "You also did it because you adore her just as much as I do. And you.." He began, but grew unsure.

"And I?" You smiled, and he looked at you with his typical seriousness.

"And you somehow got stuck in an emotional mess." He explained. "You somehow, deep down, wanted it to be true." His thumb moved over the back of your hand as he spoke. "You wished that.. maybe there was more to it than just, partnership." He said, and you still smiled gently.

"Did I now?" You teased, but to your surprise, he was still looking straight at you.

"I know I did." He humms out. "I still do."

"You're stupid." You said, and he laughed bitterly, taking your words the wrong way as he slipped his out of yours.

"I know." He said, getting up to leave but stopped as you spoke.

"Good." You said, chuckling before coughing. "What, no kiss for me after all I've been through?" You giggled as his wide eyes stared at you. "Rude." You said, and he suddenly realized that no- you weren't rejecting him. You were accepting.

You felt the same.

Noticing his own awkwardness, he leaned over, hands supporting his body as he leaned down, properly placing his lips onto yours. You had never imagined what kissing Jungkook would feel like, but you certainly would've never guessed how gentle and absolutely loving it would be. One of his hands moved towards your cheek, holding it, as if you were the most precious thing he'd ever seen.

"Mommy!" Came Mina's excited voice, cries instantly noticable as she jumped onto the bed, burying her head into your chest as you held her, a few tears in your eyes from her jumping.

"Mina baby, be careful okay?" He said. But your words were the reason that he ended up tearing up, at the end.

"Mommy's still hurting baby." You said. "But she'll get better soon."

Not even during the first few magical months of being together with his past ex, had it ever felt like this.

He was euphoric almost; with the way you felt, moved, breathed. It all felt like so much to him, made him feel so.. He couldn't explain it. He had his hands on your hips, fingers careful not to press too hard, but having enough force to move you back and forth over his lap- his length moving in and out of your heat, making you whine, as he watched your breasts in front of him. You fit so perfectly like this, felt so amazing, managed to make him feel needy instead of the other way around.

He turned you over slipping out of you sloppily as he moved positions, now above you as he spread your legs, entering you again easily. He pulled you by your thighs, holding you in place as he began to thrust again, your eyes closing with every movement of his hips.

He loved the sight of it.

Deep down he wanted to take the condom off; he wanted to fill you up, cum inside over and over and over until your cunt would overflow. Not only just to claim you in a weird animalistic sense, but to also make his family complete. He had cut his ties to his illegal activities by now, had settled down with you- and he knew, there was no other person he'd ever have a child with again than with you. "I want to cum inside." He said breathlessly, making you whine in return. "Hm, you'd like that?" He asked teasingly, his thrusts gaining more strength as if to underline his statement. "Stuff you full of my cum, make you leak it and mess up the sheets.." He continues, hand reaching between the two of you to find your clit. "just to make love to you over and over again. I wanna make you cry." He gritted out, suddenly moving you around face down. He pulled up your lower body, entering you again, gliding in easily with the amount of slick you were leaking. "And you'd take it wouldn't you?" He asks, making you nod and groan out as he grows more desperate, faster, harder- throwing you off the edge but never stopping. "You're gonna take it until I cum, don't you dare move away from me." He scolds, holding you tightly, making you gasp out in overstimulation as he continues on, chasing his own high.

He reaches it with a loud groan, burying himself deep inside as he holds you, peppering kisses onto your spine. "I love you, hm.." He whispers out. "So good, so pretty.. all mine.." He huffs, simply falling onto the mattress with you in his arms, cock still buried inside you.

There was a moment of silence, until he spoke again. "I really do mean it though." He said earning only a tired humm from you. He simply chuckled at that, holding you close as he decided to maybe bring that topic up when the timing was a bit better.

For once, he felt like a normal person. Right next to you, in your arms, as you turned around to pull him close, burying your face into his chest.

Right where he belonged.

[underatedcharactersunite]

The Iron Queen

Summary - The Iron Queen is a legend, a myth even. However, Ivar the Boneless wants to prove her existance. When he does, it's almost as if Fate brings them together, so the two of them can become legendary together....

Pairing - Ivar the Boneless x Female Reader 

WordCount - 2, 919 

Warnings - Angst, mentions of upcoming battles.  

For @youbloodymadgenius 1K Writing Challenge. Congratulations!                                                          »»————-　♔　————-««

Before the Iron Queen became to be, she was a legendary warrior Princess. She was a ruthless and tactful warrior in every sense of the word. There was no weapon she couldn't master, sword, shield, bow and arrow, axe or spear. She could use it all and use them well. In many minds, she was the perfect warrior, a combination of talent and intelligence. Y/N was loved among the warriors alike.

However, that all changed when Y/N became the Iron Queen of Mountmead. Unlike the other Kings, Y/N's Father final wish was to abolish their eldest law. From this day forth, until the end of time, whether the firstborn child is a son or daughter, they would be heir to the throne. Y/N's Father adapted the law to give his only daughter and child the throne.

This angered the surrounding Kings and Lords. Their ideologies were simple. a woman was not fit to rule. A woman was far too emotional to make rational decisions. They were unfit to lead armies and clueless in battle strategy, so the death of the King of Mountmead brought the potential to expand their lands despite the crowing of a new Queen. They had no respect or loyalty to her. They saw Y/N as a weak and passive woman, but they didn't realise how wrong they were.

Within the first several months of her coronation, Y/N and her army encountered six different battles. In every battle, Y/N was there leading her army to defeat the enemies that threatened her people. She refused to be seen as weak.

These battles created and enforced the Queen. She was to be cool and calculating, skilled and intellectual. Y/N made certain she surrounded herself with her closest and loyal advisors. Ser Favian was the head of her Queensguard. He'd also been the head of her Father's Kingsguard. A man who had been there from the day her Father was coronated. Secondly, there was Ser Conadus, head of her army and key battle Strategist. Ser Conadus was also her loyal confidant. After all, he'd been there for every major milestone in her life. There was no circumstance or situation Y/N couldn't speak to Ser Conadus about.

As Ferocious as Y/N was on the battlefield, she still maintained kindness in her heart. She often walked the streets, discussing the issues that were arising and how they could be solved. Y/N was able to provide reassurance to her people. Y/N made time in her day as frequently as possible to see people, to converse with traders. She kept a brave face for them all.

Hidden behind that brave face laid the devasting truth. Life as her people knew it was threatened. The surrounding Lords and Kings made a collective decision to bring their armies together to create an army of the thousands. While the Great Army of Mountmead was no easy defeat. Their numbers were no-where near as large. Y/N didn't know how to solve their issues. Repeatedly, she reached out to offer a truce to the other Lords and Kings, but it was no luck. They all desired Mountmead for themselves and they believed they were going to take it from the Iron Queen. They shared no resources and implemented laws in their Kingdoms. If any person was caught trading with the Iron Queen or any member of Mountmead, they were executed without question. This restricted the Iron Queen to land. No boats, to sail in search of allies. They were stuck. All of them in mortal danger.

Unbeknownst, to Y/N someone, had been looking for her. As fate would have it, the idea of a legendary warrior Princess turned Queen had become a legendary story. It had spread through many Kingdoms and lands with several different variations. Most believed these tales of the Iron Queen to be nothing more than that, tales.

Except one, Ivar the Boneless believed different. Ivar believed the Iron Queen, Y/N of Mountmead, existed and, he was determined to find her. In the beginning, Ivar had no idea where to begin his search, so he sent scouts to the North, South, East and West. When they returned, they came up empty. However, Ivar refused to give in. Ivar proceeded to continue to send his Scouts out each time, further and in different directions. Each time they came up without sight of the Iron Queen.

This continued until one trip the scouts returned to Kattegat with news of the discovery. His latest scouting mission had been a success. With this new information, Ivar knew hr needed to act quickly. Instructing the scouts to gather his brothers into the Great Hall, he sat down and waited for them to arrive. Ivar waited and waited for his brothers when they finally walked in.

"How do I always arrive before you?" Ivar questioned as all of his brothers took their seats.

"Because you decided to meet us here Ivar." Ubbe retorted as he paid attention to his youngest brother.

"Ivar, why have you gathered us here?" Bjorn questioned.

"Because I have found the Iron Queen."

"Your lying!" Sigurd yelled as Ivar smirked. Ivar didn't mind being underestimated. Sigurd was only jealous, he hadn't been able to do it.

"Why would I lie, Sigurd? My scouts have drawn a map to her Kingdom, and I wish to go visit her because she is in terrible danger?"

"Is she as beautiful as they say she is?" Hvitserk questioned. All of his brothers turned to look at him.

"Ivar informs us the Iron Queen is in danger, and that is the first question you have, Hvitserk." Sigurd responds as Hvitserk shrugs."

"A man has to know these things, Sigurd."

"Yes, the Iron Queen is more beautiful than she's described as. However, if someone doesn't help her, then no-one is going to see her beauty in person."

"Why is she in danger? Ubbe questioned as he poured a horn of mead, taking a large sip.

"The surrounding Lords and Kings do not respect her as Queen. When they're from, they believe women are unable to lead and participate in the battle. Although Y/N has been in more battles than most of the surrounding Kings and Lords."

"You say she's been in many battles, so why is she in danger?"

"Because Ubbe, the surrounding Lords and Kings have grouped to create one large army. According to the scouts, the Iron Queen has a decent sized army, but not one large enough to defeat them."

"What's in it for us?" Why should we help a stranger?"

"Isn't it obvious, Bjorn? We go to the Iron Queen, offer ourselves as an ally in exchange for the first selection of any the lands we conquer."

"That seems to be a fair trade. Whatever lands we take can be used as a new settlement and a base for further exploration. I say we go."

"Thank you Hvitserk. Anyone else?"

"I am coming with you," Sigurd responds to Ivar's surprise.

"I will come just to keep an eye on all three of you. Perhaps we should extend the offer to Harald and Halfdan. They could be useful to us."

"That is a good idea, Ubbe. What says you, Bjorn?"

"I shall stay here, make sure Kattegat remains running smoothly. If the God's desire us to meet, it shall be."

That night the sons of Ragnar began to create plans to set sail to Mountmead and the Iron Queen. They set sail with a small part of their army, with the plan that more men would follow days later. Help was coming to the Iron Queen and she didn't even know it.

                                           »»————-　♔　————-««

Y/n had been in meetings all morning, they'd already attempted to plan out their defence attacks, but there was always a weak spot in their armour. There was no use, they simply needed more men. Men they didn't have.

"My Queen, we will figure it out. They haven't beaten us yet." One of the small council commented as Y/N examined the map once more.

"What we need is a miracle. Unfortunately, they don't happen often and early enough" It was as if someone was listening to her desires as Ser Favian came bursting through the door.

"My Queen, men have arrived on the shore. They hold no banner or sail. They don't appear to be apart of any of the surrounding threats."

"Lord Pollack, will you continue to lead this meeting in my absence. Ser Conadus will you accompany me to the Thron, Ser Favian will you gather some of the Queensguard to watch the remaining men. Bring the leaders to the throne room."

"Yes, of course, My Queen." They nodded and bowed respectfully as Y/N already stepped away from the meeting with Ser Conadus flanked her as she feared the worst.

"Nicholas, I don't think I can deal with any further setbacks. We're already at war on land, we can't compete with threats from the ocean as well."

"Relax my dear. ;Perhaps this is a beneficial meeting. You need to keep calm, just because we're at war doesn't mean everyone's a threat. Remember, your lessons." As the large, solid oak doors opened, someone announced the Iron Queen as she raised her head high, removing any emotion in her mind and gaze.

Although Y/N's attention was already directed towards one of the men in front of her. All of the men had knelt except one."

"I told you to kneel." Ser Favian attempted to force the man onto his knees, but Y/N noticed the glimmer of the buckle her pace quickened.

"Ser Favian, can you not see the restraints on his legs . Since when did we treat our guests so poorly." Ser Favian backed away immediately kneeling.

"I'm sorry, forgive Ser Favian it was a simple misunderstanding." Noticing a chair in the corner, Y/N walked over and picked up the chair and brought it up towards the man, placing it behind him.

That's when Y/N caught the first proper glimpse of the man. The piercing blue eyes, the muscular arms, his smirk etched onto his face as he observed your expression scan all over him. You hadn't glanced at his brothers, Harald or Halfdan or Floki. Just him.

Ivar was just as mesmerised by her as she was him. Y/N was just as beautiful as his scouts had told him she was. She was both assertive and confident. Ivar wanted to know her and no-one was going to stop him from getting what he know desired the most.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, My Queen. My name is Ivar the Boneless, these are my brothers, as well as Harald Finehair, Halfdan the Black and Floki. We are here to offer our services." Ivar confidently took ahold of Y/N's hand without, hesitating brought her knuckles up and brushed his lips against them. Ivar did not miss the way her eyes widened in shock, momentarily before her composure regained.

"Y/N lowered her head as she stepped back towards the steps to her throne once she was seated, she called for everyone to raise as she once more looked towards Ivar the Boneless.

"You wish to offer your services to me, and the Kingdom of Mountmead, why?"

"I believe together we could be an unstoppable force. We have all heard of your battles and the current threat that you have surrounding you. My Queen, we have the numbers you need." Tuning to Ser Conadus, Y/N examined his gaze as she attempted to read his expression.

"What would you receive in return for your men?"

"First choice of any land that is gained in the result of war." Truth be told, Y/N was beginning to run out of strategic options and perhaps Ivar and the rest of them was her only hope.

"I accept your terms Ivar the Boneless. Ser Favian will see that the rest of the men are given a warm place to sleep. Ser Conadus, would you see that Ivar the Boneless and the rest of his party settle in well."

"Wait my Queen, I have a gift for you." One of Ivar's brothers, called someone forward as they laid a box onto the ground, standing Y/N walked down the stairs as two of Y/N's guard lifted the lid. In the box, it appeared to be a shield with bright colours painted on it.

"Thank you-"

"Hvitserk, my Queen." Smiling, Y/N could already tell that Hvitserk that was the most mischievous out of all of the brothers.

"Thank you Hvitserk." Once more, another brother stepped forward, this time he insisted on carrying the box towards the Iron Queen. Once the lid was lifted it, it revealed a strange looking instrument.

“I an teach you to play it, if you’d like my Queen.” 

“Thank you, that would be lovely-” 

“Sigurd, my Queen.” 

“Thank you, Sigurd.” 

“My Queen, I have one last gift for you. Unfortunately, it does not fit through the castle walls.” Ivar’s voice broke Y/N’s concentration and soon the two of them were accompanied by Ser Conadus and Floki. As Y/N continued to walk silently, Y/N kept pace with Ivar as the two appeared to be heading to the docks. 

“Your Grace, why are people so threatened by a woman?” Floki questioned as Y/N turned towards Floki. 

“In these parts, a woman is believed to be unable to rule. Women are unable to rule because they believe they are unable to think clearly or learn the ways of War. According to them, they shouldn’t have to fight to take my Kingdom, I should bow and give it to them,” 

“We can’t let that happened now can we. Don’t worry Iron Wueen, we will bring them to their knees.” The four of them stepped onto the docks, Y/N glanced around them, wondering what it could be. 

“Turn around my Queen.” Turning around, there was a boat. It was unlike any boat Y/N had seen before stepping closer, was her gift on the boat? 

“What do you think my Queen?” Ivar questioned as Y/N was still unsure what Ivar had given her. Then it dawned on her. 

“The boat, it’s mine. I couldn’t possibly except it.” 

“Why not? The other boat builders refuse to build you a boat so Floki build you a boat. It could be one of many perhaps, if you so desired.” 

“I wouldn’t know the first thing about sailing or running  a boat.” 

“Don’t worry. we can show you, your Grace/” Floki replied as the wind blew while the flag gushed in the wind. 

“Thank you, both of you. You have no idea how important and appreciated this is for me and my Kingdom.” 

“You are more than welcome. I believe this is a start to a beautiful relationship.” 

                                »»————-　♔　————-««

The next few days, were manic, as new voices gave new insight and strategies. Their culture was vastly different from Y/N’s, they’re war and battle strategies gave Y/N a unique way of seeing the up and coming battle. 

One thing that Y/N noticed immediately was the high intensity of the sons of Ragnar sibling rivalry, specifically between Ivar and Sigurd.  

Each time she began a discussion with either one of them, she could practically feel the glares at the back of her head. It only proved her point, they were always trying to compete with one another. 

One morning in particular, Y/N had broken her fast early so she could take a peaceful morning walk, before chaos ensured. 

What should have been a peaceful walk turned into Sigurd following her around discussing how terrible his younger brother was/ Y/N kept quiet while she listened to Sigurd go on about how vicious his brother was. According to Sigurd, Ivar was a monster who had no right to be in her company. Sigurd told her to listen to his words carefully.

Y/N had listened to his words closely, except she’d drawn a completely different conclusion. It was clear to Y/N that Ivar did have his fair share of problems, he was often angry and nearly always had a sombre attitude. Except Y/N was able to dig through the initial layer and realise how much more there was to him. 

While Y/N had appreciated Sigurd’s advice, she’d informed him that she could make her own judgement on Ivar and the rest of them. When her and Sigurd parted ways, he warned her once more. 

                                »»————-　♔　————-««

Later that night as Y.N headed to her chambers, tired from yet another day of back to back small council meetings and war strategy meetings. Y/N had grown tired and in desperate need of sleep. 

Y/N should have known that nothing was ever that simple as she was walking past Ivar’s room, she heard a commotion. Barging through the door, she became quickly aware that Ivar was one the floor in some form of distress.” 

“Are you okay?” 

“I don’t need your help!” Ivar snapped, however, the Iron Queen knelt onto the ground beside him.” 

“Okay, then I shall sit with you then.” 

“Wouldn’t you rather spend time with my brother, Sigurd” Y/N rolled her eyes sitting down on the floor, she stretched her legs so they were diagonally with each other. 

“I gather you never heard the end of the conversation. If you had you would have heard myself inform Sigurd that I am capable of making my own decisions. For sometime now Ivar you had my curiosity but now you have my attention” Ivar smirked, this conversation was about to get interesting. 

[tomtenadia]

Remember Us - part 2

Double feature this week. Here we go with part 2. Rowan takes another step on the path of recovering his life.

Also, we get to meet the kids <3

------

When Aelin got home that night after her shift at the hospital, she was tired and not just from the long hours spent in OR. She was tired in her soul. Aelin had managed to keep her thoughts at bay while operating, but as soon as she was out they came back. It had been hard to fight the urge to go and see him again. He wanted space. That was clear so she just went home instead.

Once she crossed the threshold, laughter welcomed her. Her kids sounded happy.

She shed her coat and removed her shoes and followed the happy sounds.

Walking into the kitchen she found her mother cooking and Thomas helping her setting the table and little Freyja banging her plastic cutlery on her high chair. She was a shy girl but would become alive and loud when she was hungry. Just like her mum.

“Mama!” Shouted her daughter as she spotted her.

“Mum,” Thomas echoed his sister and ran to her, hugging Aelin at her knees “hi my darling, how are you?” She kneeled at his height and ruffled his blonde hair.

“Helping grandma cook.”

“Food.” Shouted Freyja who got agitated trying to get the attention of her mother. Aelin went to her daughter and lifted the wee girl in her arms “hi my love,”  and she snuggled her head against her mother’s chest.

“Hi mum,” said Aelin to Evalin. The woman stirred something in the pan and turned to her daughter “welcome back, darling.” She said and her gaze turned worried at her daughter’s tired expression.

Aelin shook her head, knowing what her mother was about to say “later,” she added. She did not want to talk about Rowan in front of the kids.

“Come on Tom, sit at the table. Dinner is ready.” On his grandma’s orders the boy climbed on his chair and started eating his meal.

Aelin joined them a moment later, all changed in house clothes and sat at her daughter’s side.

Thomas was three and had just started learning how to use a fork properly. They would cut the food for him and he would try to use the utensil. Rowan had been teaching him. A pang of sadness hit her and pushed back the tears, now it was not the time. She would feed Freyja who was only eighteen months old.

“Did you help grandma cook?”

The boy nodded while taking a bite from his fork and gave her a big smile. His green eyes lighting up with joy. Eyes just like his father’s.

“Aelin, let me feed Freyja. You have your dinner. You haven’t touched it yet.”

Aelin shook her head “I am fine. It can wait.”

Truth was… she felt nauseous and that feeling had nothing to do with being pregnant. It was fear. Terror of losing Rowan. Terror that he would never recover his memories and her kids would be left without a father and her without her soulmate. She almost lost him once. She would never forget the day she got the call from the hospital. Those horrible moments were forever etched in her memory.

Later on that night, once the kids were in bed Evalin joined her daughter on the sofa and brought her a chamomile tea.

“The kids are asleep. What’s troubling you?”

Aelin sighed and her hand went to her stomach “Rowan woke up.”

“Today?”

She nodded in confirmation and leaned her head on her mother’s shoulder “I had just left the OR when I got a page from his doctor. I went to his room and he was awake,” a loud sob broke from her lips “he does not remember me or the kids.”

Evalin pulled her daughter closer and hugged her knowing the pain she had been feeling for the past month “Yrene had told you it might happen.”

Aelin nodded slightly “I didn’t think it could hurt that much. He had no idea who I was. He doesn’t remember our kids.” Her sobs turned into proper crying “I am so scared, mum. So, so scared.”

“I know, darling.” Evalin kissed her daughter’s head “you will have to be strong a bit longer. Does the doctor think he will regain his memory?”

Aelin gave her a small nod “but it might take time and what if he realises that he doesn’t want us in his life anymore?”

“Rowan loves you and the kids madly. The road ahead might be bumpy but he will come back.” A ragged breath escaped from Aelin. She hoped her mother was right, because if she was not she doubted she would survive loosing him a second time.

*

Rowan woke up the next morning with an horrendous headache. He had a fitful sleep and his thoughts had been stuck all night on her. Aelin. His wife. At her side two small shadows representing their kids. In his mind he had this picture of him holding someone, the smell of lemon and verbena strong around him. But he was sure it was more a feeling than an actual memory. He had woken up all of a sudden and hadn’t been able to fall asleep properly since. His body recognised the other one. 

A nurse brought breakfast and of one thing he was sure. He hated hospital food. Which led to another series of questions. What did he eat for breakfast? Was he a good cook? What was his favourite food?

Reluctantly he finished the food on his tray and decided to kill the boredom by watching tv. According to the news it was January and the meteorologist were warning all the citizens of Terrasen of a snowstorm warning.

He was so bored watching the news that he felt glad when Aelin knocked on the doorframe “Mind if I come in?”

He shook his head “is tv always this boring?”

Aelin chuckled and for a second she saw a glimpse of him. He always hated tv. The only reason they had one in the house was because she had pestered him about it “yeah. You find reading more interesting.”

He switched off the television and faced her “I am…”  he sighed “yesterday… I was overwhelmed. It was… it still is too much.”

“I know,”said Aelin trying to suppress the instinct to touch him. Not until he was okay with it.

“Tell me something about me, about my life. Us… anything.” He started, eager to know more. He needed it “do I like breakfast?”

Aelin laughed “you do, and you are a great cook. On Saturdays you always make us pancakes and let Thomas help you flip them.” She smiled at the image. Thomas on his knees on a chair beside his dad.

“You are a healthy eater so you tend to scoff enormous quantities of fruit and veggies while complaining about my crazy dietary habits.”

She was dying to show him pictures of the kids but decided against it. One step at a time. Let him become familiar with the idea of being married first.

“You are a lawyer. A kickass one at that.” His green eyes were trained on her “you and Lorcan opened your own practice. After graduation you two got a job in a fancy company but eventually got tired of dealing with rich bastards and opened a firm that deals mostly with family law but also offers legal support to us common human beings.” She had been so proud of him. The big job had left him miserable and with very little time to live. He had been stressed and after two years he had realised that the huge salary was not worth it. Lorcan had followed him and together they had started their new adventure. They had started small snd simple, but slowly as they took in more cases they had to start hiring more people and the firm had gotten bigger and successful.

“You love hiking, nature in general and winter. We are both in love with theatre and on our first date you took me to a play.”

Rowan looked at her and that tug in his chest came back for a visit.

“We have been married for seven years and you proposed at my best friend’s wedding. We were dancing and you asked me what if we were the next ones to do that? Then you went on one knee and asked me to marry you.”

He kept listening, adding some more pieces of info to what he had gathered so far. And the more Aelin spoke the more that connection he had felt the day before grew stronger.

“What type of doctor are you?”

“I am the chief of paediatric neurosurgery and I work two floors above this.”

Rowan took a deep breath and asked a question that had been burning in him since she has appeared “do you have any photos of us, of the kids?”

Aelin felt like crying and extracted her mobile phone and scrolled through her huge quantity of photos “This is Thomas. He is three.”

Rowan looked at the boy and saw a blond mop of hair just as golden as his mother’s and two striking green eyes just like his. In the photo the boy was laughing while he held him in his arms.

Aelin swiped and the image of a little girl appeared and he gasped. There was no doubt that she was his daughter. Her hair was silver as his and even her eyes were the exact copy.

“She is so much like you.” He noticed the smile appearing on Aelin’s face. While she talked about their life her face had lit up and in front of him he had the most stunning woman he had ever seen. Probably. He wasn’t sure but Aelin took his breath away.

“Are we happy? As a family?”

Aelin nodded without even thinking about it. They were, she had no doubts about it “Yes. We wanted a family, kids. It was our choice.”

Rowan nodded and wanted to believe her, needed to believe the passion and the love in her voice.

“I need time.” He said quietly, averting his gaze from hers for just a brief moment “This is a lot that I need to process. I will need time but I want to hear more.”

Aelin sobbed and grabbed her backpack and extracted another mobile phone “this is yours. It survived the crash because you used a military grade protecting cover. I just charged it. The password is 0305.” She gave him the mobile “it has photos, texts. Everything is still there, maybe it will help.”

Aelin looked at her watch and stood “I have to go, I have a surgery in two hours.”

Rowan nodded.

“You can text me if you want. My contact is under Fireheart.”

He looked at the phone and then at her “will you come back?”

Aelin took a step toward him and kissed his silver hair as she did the previous day and then nodded.

She waved at him and disappeared through the door.

He moved his attention to the phone and tried to figure out how to switch it on. Once he did it asked him a pin code and he entered the digits she had told him.

Once the phone was unlocked he was welcomed by a picture of him, Aelin and the kids on a beach. He had Freyja on his shoulders and was laughing as she patted his head. Aelin was holding Thomas potato sack style and the boy was grinning. With his fingers he traced her face and then went looking for the photo album. Before opening he hesitated. His life, his memories were there and he was scared.

There were picture of his wife. Plenty of them and she always had an amazing smile. Of one thing he was sure:Aelin took his breath away. Photos of their kids and he spotted one of what he suspected was a newborn Freyja. He held the little bundle in his arms while Thomas was at his side staring at his sister. He saw happiness, he saw joy, but most of all he saw love. Deep love that bound the four of them. Aelin had not lied. They seemed happy. He found photos of what he assumed were friends but he could not tell who they were, he hadn’t covered that part yet. Accepting the idea of a wife and kids was hard enough. He was not ready yet to add more people. The mere idea made him feel dizzy.

He was getting tired again even if it was only morning, but he pushed through and found the app with the text messages and went to look at the ones from Aelin and he read the last one she sent him go and win your case and then tonight I will show you how proud I am of my sexy lawyer.

He scrolled back through the thread and read random texts between them until he went back a few months and saw a text with a picture attached.

You are away for work and I miss you. I went for my first proper check-up and I am proud to share with you the picture of the new member of our family. The image was greyish and grainy but the message was clear: Aelin was pregnant again.

He placed the phone on his lap and closed his eyes calming the sense of panic overwhelm him.

And with his eyes closed he tried to remember.

[neonponders]

Surprise! Here’s a part 2 for my fic, Deeper Than Skin ~ read on ao3 •

Thank you SO MUCH @edith-moonshadow for donating to Harringrove for Palestine, AND letting me indulge in my fic some more. 

👠 👠 👠 👠 👠 👠

Billy’s thumb pressed along Steve’s arch, holding the pressure for a few seconds as he went along . . .

He peeked up at the sound of ocean-swaying breaths at the head of the bed. As if he could hear the exact moment Steve fell into REM sleep, clutching Billy’s latest gift to his chest.

An elephant ear leaf plushie. It was half the size of Steve, and it’s heart-shape tucked under his chin to pillow his cheek perfectly. The soft micro-fleece behaved like crushed velvet, the light absorbing inside the dark, unsettled fibers where Steve touched it.

Billy had gotten very good at choosing gifts for him.

Steve’s apartment was slowly filling up with Billy’s tokens of affection. The window seat had become a shelf for Steve’s shoe boxes; only three so far, but Billy intended to get him a proper shoe rack, or renovate his closet

Or have Steve move into his place. Billy wanted nothing more in the world. To get home to Steve slumped on the couch, immediately complaining of incongruent television plots as if Billy had never left the room. To see Steve’s shirts and clutter in their closet despite Steve being gone for work. To put his shoe collection on display in any room Steve wanted, so he could live in the open with his interests, instead of walking laps in their closet.

Not all of his gifts were expensive. That proved the trick. The key to Steve’s locked tight heart. Most were certainly pricey, but once Billy knew what he liked, what he constituted as worth it, then he couldn’t help himself.

A coffee table book of The New Yorker’s covers, spreads, and topmost articles throughout the 20th century. Steve stared at that thing for hours.

The elephant ear pillow clutched to Steve’s chest now, among other plant cushions. Steve claimed he couldn’t keep anything alive, so Billy gave him a pink and blue sedum succulent, a purple and green echeveria, and a monstera leaf. He now lay in his garden, sound asleep despite Billy’s rolling a cold tennis ball around his heel.

It was dangerous, this bruised ache in his chest.

Even with Steve right here, Billy felt sore with affection. The desire to wrap an arm around Steve’s waist was ever present, to pull their bodies flush together, or to tuck himself into Steve’s chest and never leave.

This ravenous greed dulled with Steve nearby, soothed with Steve happy and content, but Billy knew he had to be patient. Steve sometimes retreated inside himself, behaving as if Billy were already one step out the door. He had no idea what power he wielded over Billy.

He eased Steve’s slippers onto his feet and returned the tennis ball to the freezer. He put some of the dishes and pans from the drying rack back in the cabinets. He straightened the rug underneath the coffee table. Tidying. As self-sufficient as Steve lived, Billy had picked up quickly enough that his outward affections were done through actions.

He liked making dinner with Billy at home. He even coerced Billy into the first grocery store he’d stepped into in years.

Steve enjoyed pulling Billy onto his chest to watch a movie. Billy liked that too, even though he wished Steve didn’t stuff his utility invoices into the kitchen utensil drawer before Billy arrived.

They were both strong personalities who valued control, but Billy had learned such a thing came in different mediums. Steve didn’t like the leash of money. “Don’t collar me in diamonds. I’m not a poodle,” he’d once said.

Billy did not take kindly to commands. To exist like a bull guided by the ring in his nose.

Yet here they both were, Steve slowly allowing Billy to furnish his interests, and kissing Billy’s cheek when he reluctantly accepted the task of chopping onions.

Billy sat on the bed and rubbed his arm. If anything, Steve only fell deeper inside his slumber. Slowly, Billy lifted him out by planting kisses along his hairline. All at once, Steve emerged with a shake of his head, as if to swat Billy off before the chuckle in his chest made Steve moan, “Bhh…lly?”

He slanted his arm across Steve’s body, pressing his hand into the bed. “Hi, baby. I’m heading out. I should be back next Friday.”

Steve’s full, parted lips twitched with a puzzled grimace. “Huh?”

“I’m going out of town.”

One of Steve’s eyelids hung lower over his groggy eyes. Billy thought it looked cute. “You wait till I’m half-asleep to tell me?”

Billy huffed a laugh, but it faded quickly. “I told you during dinner. I asked you to come, but you said you couldn’t get the vacation days.”

Steve’s eyes sagged closed in a long blink. He sniffed loudly and rubbed a palm over his nose while he shifted for better attentiveness. “I can’t get vacation days with only a twenty-four hour notice.”

“There was something about sick days from two jobs not aligning for an extended vacation,” Billy recalled stiffly.

Steve did not respond well to the bitterness. “I’m not my own boss. If I’d had more time, I could’ve done a long weekend—”

“I’ll be gone for two weeks.”

That left Steve’s mouth open while he shifted to sit up more on the pillows. “You didn’t say that during dinner.”

It should’ve been some consolation, Steve’s being upset at such a time frame. Two weeks apart was hardly unbearable. For regular people. For Billy, it only confirmed his distaste for Steve’s unrelenting schedule.

“Now you want to go?”

Steve’s eyes hardened as much as they could for being freshly disturbed from sleep. “It was never about not wanting to go. I literally can’t without being thrown off the payroll.”

“You work two jobs.”

Steve’s eyes wandered, as if searching for his meaning. “Yeah?”

Billy didn’t want to talk about this the night before he left but his frustration won out. “You don’t have to work two jobs. You know that, don’t you?”

He could see something wilt behind Steve’s face. “What are you saying?”

“You know what I’m saying.”

“No. I don’t.”

“Steve,” he sighed, lifting off his hand to sit on his own. “You know I don’t mind paying for things.”

“You’ve made that clear,” Steve returned stiffly.

Billy pointed turquoise eyes at him. “Money is meant to be spent. Why won’t you let me spend it on you?”

Those eyes locked on the muscles in Steve’s jaw clenching. Steve could feel those irises on him, dissecting him. He wondered if Billy saw his mother’s closet. More like a bank vault. Full of insurances for the day she finally saw fit to drop her husband and all of his betrayals, all of his business blunders that she was tired of dishing a sapphire out for to cover the losses.

An ironic thing, Mr. Harrington’s greatest business scheme: apologizing with luxurious things. Marrying a woman smarter than himself. Maybe that’s why Steve had sought out Nancy all those years ago. Why he loved Robin’s company and conversation. He did feel safe in strong women’s company. But their safety was hard earned and shrewdly won.

Respect how a woman spends her money, Stevie. Even if you don’t know where it comes from.

Sweetheart, you’ll never understand what it is to be a woman in a man’s world.

I love your daddy as much as he infuriates me beyond belief. But where I come from, nobody is handsome enough. Nobody is wealthy enough. A Rolex is a man’s prideful status symbol. A woman’s bags are her divorce lawyer’s payments. A man’s car is the steed to a shining knight. A woman’s diamond necklace is her first apartment out of an unsafe home.

Am I really just a trust fund kid? Steve had been brazen enough to ask. Another diamond in his mother’s closet.

She had stroked his cheek, raked her fingers through his hair and around his ear before pinching his earlobe in that way she did. Like she wanted him to keep looking right at her. Don’t turn your head.

Anyone who treats you like a trust fund for money or a good time is plastic, baby.

She hadn’t taught him how to navigate this, though. Maybe if he’d been a daughter, he’d have gotten that lesson. How to not be ensnared by money. How to keep wealth as a key to a cage.

But Steve only knew the cage. Had grown up in it. Had to face heartbreak and loneliness to break out of his gilded bars.

He did not judge his mother for relying on his father. As she’d said, she came from a different world with a different mentality. But Steve couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t meet all of his father’s caveats. Had too much fun being broke with Robin to desire gilded masks and grey grey grey grey grey suits.

A warm hand touched his arm. “I don’t like it when you do that,” Billy said. “Go somewhere I can’t reach.”

Steve’s hand overlapped his. He hoped it came across as encouraging instead of farewell. “Get your work done. There’s no point in me taking a vacation if you’re working the whole time.”

It didn’t work. Billy’s features stiffened, far from pleased.

And when he left the apartment, Steve felt his path like a negative space dug out of his home. Billy Hargrove had always dominated a room, but Steve was afraid of being wrung out before he left with permanence. Steve didn’t think Billy was a cage at all.

But he didn’t think he was strong enough to be a diamond in Billy’s closet.

[rainydayhogwartsimagines]

The Arrangement (Draco x reader)

Warnings: smut, abuse, yelling, arguing, mentions of suicide and death

You paced, the light of the fireplace shining off your side as you did. "Would you stop pacing!? That noise is driving me insane!" Draco snapped. You glared at him as he sat on the ladder, reading a book with a calm demeanor. You shook your head. "This is easy for you. This isn't as life altering for you as it is for me." You snapped. "And just how is this 'life altering'?" Draco asked. "I will be forced to give up my aspirations and dreams to be your wife if your father agrees to this." You snapped. Draco rolled his eyes and you continued pacing. The wonderful plusses to an arranged marriage. Draco would never ask you to give up your future, even if he was to be your husband. Of course you didn't know that, you barely knew the boy aside from his wonderful comments directed towards you at school. Of course he knew more about you than you were aware of. Your father was in that group of asshole purebloods. And if this evening worked in his favor you'd be involved with Draco Malfoy.

The door opened and Lucius looked at you and then Draco. "Draco. Do you accept Y/n's hand" say no. Please say no-- "I do." He said. Your father's smile unsettled you and you shook your head. "I don't see how this is fair! Why should I have to--" "Silence!" You father snapped. Draco noticed your retreat into yourself and the satisfied look on his face made Draco very aware of his presence. "She will live here with us and take up what we see fit... Is this to your satisfaction?" Lucius asked. "Indeed. Best of luck. She's the most hardheaded of my daughters." Your father said. You gave him a glare as Draco walked with Lucius to see them out, leaving you and Narcissa alone. You sat in a seat in front of the library fireplace, seething in your own anger. "I know how this felt... I used to be like you." She said. "Your marriage was arranged too?" You asked. "mm hmm. Yes and I was quite angry when Lucius agreed. He said it was all about decorum but I don't think he wanted to upset his father... Truth be told I think that's why Draco said yes as well." Narcissa said softly. You turned your attention to the crackles in the fire. "I'm hoping you'll give Draco a chance... I know he's a stubborn boy. Fine, but stubborn... Don't write him off just yet." Narcissa told you. You nodded.

Cut to two weeks later and you two were usually busy. But the times you did spend together was usually festered with bickering. Yelling was not uncommon either. With the amount of eye rolling present, it was a damn wonder your eyes didn't get stuck in either of your heads.

You sat at the table in the library reading a letter addressed to you. You were reading the same line again and again "your brother Charles is dead" you slammed the letter down and scared the crap out of Draco as you did. "Jesus woman! What in the blazes-- Y/n?" He noticed the shock on your face followed by anger and sadness and he walked over to the letter, reading it as he did. He looked at you and then the letter before disappearing with it. "Great. So now he thinks I'm over dramatic" you muttered. Quite the contrary considering he went to his father and showed him the letter.

"They tell her this news in a letter!? A fucking letter!?" Draco asked. "Language Draco... Though this is... Troubling... How is she handling this?" Lucius asked. "She was shocked I think..." Draco sighed. "Don't you think that her fiancée should comfort her?" Lucius asked. "She finds no comfort with me... She usually just insults me." Draco admitted. Lucius rose a brow and got up, walking to the library. You leaned up and sighed. "I'm sorry for your loss Y/n... If you need anything at all we're here." Lucius said softly. You nodded. "I'd like to be alone if you don't mind..." You said softly. Draco and Lucius left you to your thoughts. Still, Draco was seething. A letter? Your father tells you through a letter? You must've sat alone for hours in that room, staring at the fire in tears. The door opened again and Draco sat down, handing you the letter. You took it, looking at it and then tossing it into the fire. Draco rose a brow watching you. "A letter." You scoffed. "He tells me he's dead in a LETTER." You said, throwing a book. Draco stood up watching you. "after everything I've withstood and am dealing with he gives me a fucking letter!?" You said to yourself. "That isn't fair to you." Draco said. You again, scoffed, sitting back down and staring at the fire. "There's a lot he's done that hasn't been fair to me." You murmured as you pulled your sleeves over your hands. Draco rose a brow but turned back to the fire. "Thank you." You muttered. "For listening to me." Draco looked over at you, noticing the numbed stare into the fire as you both watched the parchment burn in the fireplace.

You took weeks to grieve, spending most of that time in your room or the library. However after a while normality resumed and you and Draco were at each other's throats once more. "You are the biggest pain in my arse you know that?!" You asked. "I'm the biggest pain-- Have you met you!? Every five damn minutes it's a new insult!" Draco sighed. "Well maybe if you weren't so angry all the time it wouldn't be so bad!" You said.  "I only do that because someone is hurdling insults at me." He said. You sighed. "This is hard okay? I'm not at home, my brother is dead and now I'm in some arranged marriage with a boy who tormented me in school, excuse me if I'm not exactly fond of this experience." You grumbled. You sat in front of the fire, Draco sitting in the chair next to you. "This isn't exactly easy for me either y'know." Draco muttered. You stared at the fire as it popped. The door opened and you turned around to see Lucius and Narcissa. "Enjoying each other's company?" Narcissa asked. "Hardly" both of you replied. Well at least the two of you could agree on that.

Draco sighed and you muttered something. "Hmm. Dinner is in thirty minutes. Try to be civil." Lucius said. You nodded and sighed as they both left. "This is ridiculous, surely we can get along." Draco said. You didn't say anything. "Y/n we're getting married, we need to at least try to be civil." He said. You let out a sharp sigh. "I know you hate me--" "I don't hate you Draco." You muttered. "....You don't?" He asked. "No. Strongly dislike? Yes. Hate, no." You said. "we need to find some common ground." Draco said. "Fine." You sighed. "We don't hate each other." You said. "Alright. Fine." He nodded. "Is our marriage saved yet?" You asked sarcastically. "Are you always this optimistic or is that just the new engagement?" He asked. "Getting Seven rejected suitors does that to you! Especially when I don't want to be here in the first place" You snapped. "Seven-- SEVEN!? Good God woman what made that happen!?" He asked. You walked out into the hall. "Does pure spite count for something?" You asked. "Wha-- No it doesn't!" Draco said making Lucius and Narcissa look at each other as they heard you two bicker. "Then I have no clue, must be something in the water. I'm perfectly lovely" You concluded. "Perfectly lovely my arse, you've been insufferable since you've been here!" He sighed. "Well if spite counted we would have an answer" you said making Lucius bite back a laugh. "Sometimes I think you're lucky I agreed to this because you'd be a bitter spinster if I said no!" Draco griped making Narcissa grip Lucius' hand to stop from laughing. "Oh is this your idea of sweet talk!? If so, oh take me now! I think I'm falling for you due to your pretentious ass!" You said making Lucius almost snort. "Great! Include that in the vows then, along with the fact that this will be the longest marriage of a lifetime!" Draco concluded. "Insufferable twit!" You snapped. "Bitter spinster!" He shot back before you opened the dining room's doors to see Draco's parents, remaining composed as they looked at you. "Is everything alright?" Narcissa asked. "Ahem... Yes." You said, Draco leaning on the door to seem more natural. "What's for dinner?" He asked. Lucius looked over to Narcissa "Oh lovely bitter spinster, what is for dinner?" Lucius teased making you and Draco flush with embarrassment. The evening for the most part was silent until the end of dinner. "Did you ever take up any hobbies at home Y/n?" Lucius asked, perhaps to help you and Draco find common ground. "Well... I took up fencing for a while." You said and Draco stifled a snort. You glared at him. "What's so funny over there?" You asked. "Nothing, but you'd think for such a graceful sport you'd remain a bit more proper." he said. "Why you little--" "Ahem." Narcissa cleared her throat, eyeing the two of you. "Was there any more.. Creative outlets available to you?" Lucius asked. "My sisters and I were required to take up chorus and an instrument." You murmured. "What was yours?" Draco asked, beating his father to the question. "Violin and piano." you answered. "Were you any good at chorus?" Narcissa asked. "Not exactly." You said. Draco gave an amused smile but halted when he noticed the distant and pained expression. "It's why I picked up two instruments." You said. "I see..." Lucius said, making the same observations as Draco. You cleared your throat, seemingly coming out of the fog that you were in. "Why the questions, if you don't mind me asking?" You asked. "Your room will be ready by tomorrow and we're making sure we have the accommodations for you." Narcissa said. "But... I already have a room?" You said confused. "A room for you and Draco." Lucius said making you both look up, full focus. "I'm sorry, what!?" Draco asked. "You two are to be married, it is customary--" "Father." "For the husband and wife to share their rooms. In fact both of you are sleeping together tonight." Lucius said. Both of you shot murderous glares to each other. "you two are excused." Lucius finally said.

You and Draco went to the library. "Oh tell me you have somewhere else to brood" You grumbled. "I do not brood and for your information, you're in my house!" He said. "Well in that case, if you're so fucking proud of the house, have fun sleeping on the floor!" You yelled. He huffed and so did you, the door opening and Narcissa stepping in. "Mother, tell me father is joking." Draco begged. "I'm afraid he isn't. And for good reason." She said. "What does that mean?" You asked. "it means, dear, that you and Draco need to basically be locked in a room together until you act at least somewhat civil." Narcissa said. "I would assume by the arguing you would want to separate us." you uttered. You looked up. "Sorry." you said. "But making us share a room? Come on mother, locking us in here would've been easier!" Draco said. "Here has distractions. In a room elsewhere forces you to talk." Narcissa said. "Mother--" "Draco, no arguing." She said leaving. "This has got to be the worst day." You sighed, slumping down to the floor. "You're being dramatic." He sighed. He reached for the door handle. "Are you coming?" He asked. "I hate that we have no other options." You uttered, getting up and following. You walked into the room which was dark and bland, yet still sleek and elegant. "No offense but uhm... Do you guys all have the same obsession with the color black?" You asked, referring to the black floor and wall trims. "Ask my father, personally I'm more of a fan of blue." He shrugged. That explained the greyish blue wallpaper in the room. Draco slipped off his shirt and you jumped and looked away. "You do realize we're bound to see--" "Do not remind me!" You groaned. He chuckled, changing his clothes as you changed into yours. "You act like--" He turned to see your back, riddled with scars. Some faded, barely noticeable, others more present and difficult to ignore. "I can feel you staring Draco." you said, sliding on your shirt. Draco turned away. "It's the scars right? That made you stare?" you asked. "Where did those... How are they there?" He asked. Silence fell upon the room, not even the sound of fabric against skin was active. He turned around to see you standing still. You seemed spaced out at the question. "Y/n?" He asked. You cleared your throat, changing. "My father." You finally answered. He frowned. "Can we not talk about this please? This is not something--" "Alright" Draco said, a concerned observing expression on his face. You swore for a moment it almost appeared that he cared.

You laid down, facing towards the window away from Draco, while his back was turned to you. Both of you slept for the most part through the night, but something was off. He felt you shift multiple times, leaving him awake. He almost woke you up for a snarky comment but you shot forward, gasping for air as you did. He leaned forward, putting a hand on your back. "Y/n? What's wrong-- hey look at me" he said. You gripped your head and shook. "I-I can't even get his voice-- I can't get it to stop--" you whimpered. He frowned, understanding the "he" you were referring to. He pulled you closer to him. "I'm here Y/n..." He said softly. You leaned back against him, your chest constantly rising and falling. "Breathe Y/n." He said softly. You listened, softening your breathing. He slowly let go and you whimpered. "Don't let me go." you whispered. He pulled you to him, resting your head on his chest.

The morning started with Narcissa opening the door expecting to see a murderous sight. Instead she was met with seeing Draco holding you close to him, his chest falling and rising with your head rested on him. "Lucius!" she whisper-shouted. Lucius walked over and rose a brow. "Curious." he muttered. They left you alone though, not daring to interrupt the civility in the house. You woke up first, the sunlight hitting your face causing you to wince and lean up. The sudden movement made Draco wake up. What did he have his arm around? He blinked a few times, seeing you stretch. Oh. OH.

He looked at you surprised. "Draco, are you alright?" You asked, noticing his wild eyed stare. "I'm not dead?" He asked. You rolled your eyes and got up, him doing the same a few minutes later. You both dressed in silence, you unsure what to say. Usually you had some remark for anything, right now you were at a loss for words. Draco was right there when you needed him, he reacted the way you needed him to. "Thank you Draco... For last night." You found your self saying as Draco adjusted his sleeves. He looked over, his hair of course looking very elegant as it usually did.  "I'm here any time you need me Y/n..." He began. You struggled with a button in the back and he pushed aside your hair, fixing it for you. "I know we argue. But I don't want you to feel like you're ever alone or helpless." He said softly. "I don't think I could ever feel alone when I have a strange blonde man following me." you teased. That made him smile... That wasn't a jab, that was a joke. You turned around to face him and you snorted. "You went to Hogwarts, how many years? And you still cannot figure out how to tie a fucking tie?" You asked with a snort. He rolled his eyes and you took its sides and began tying it. He rose a brow, watching your small hands at work before you made a perfect tie. "Thank you..." He said. "You're..." You looked in his eyes. "Your... eyes are silver?" You asked. He rose a brow. "You've never noticed?" He asked."Usually when I'm focused on you I'm forming new insults and not focused actually on you." You said with a small laugh. He chuckled. "And now?" He asked. "I'm... I don't think I'm so angry with you anymore." You admitted.

The week was strange to both of you. Any insults that were thrown were more of a joking matter, any time Draco actually spent time with you, you actually enjoyed it. Lucius nearly died when he was looking for Draco and found him reading next to you by resting his head in your lap. You were smiling. As in: "Head over heels now" smiling. Then came the family dinner. The protocol required that the family of the bride to be to have dinner with the groom's family. You absolutely dreaded this more than anything. "I'll be with you the whole time Y/n." Draco assured. You shook your head. "It won't stop him from getting inside my mind, trust me." You muttered as you changed behind a partition. Draco sighed. "The tie? Again? Seriously Draco, seven years at Hogwarts and you never learned how to tie a tie?" You asked. He sighed again, getting antsy before your hands wandered to his tie. He looked at you and swallowed. "Y/n.." He paused. "I know I know: I need to stop mocking you for this tie thing, but seriously Draco that's almost two thousand whole days to learn--" "You look beautiful." He said softly. You blushed, avoiding his eyes because you knew if you saw them you'd basically be putty in his hands. "Thank you..." You mumbled. You almost pulled away your hand but he stopped you, holding it. Something about this was just... Reassuring. You cleared your throat, pulling away. "We should get downstairs... My father hates waiting." You murmured.

You walked in, standing at your chair and waiting for Lucius to allow you to sit. The silent stares from your mother made you almost shake and Draco could see that. Lucius finally entered, noticing your facial expressions and giving Draco a "is she okay" look. Draco looked at your mother and then back at Lucius. Lucius nodded and took his place, allowing you to sit down. Dinner was stressful to say the least, the silence making you very uneasy. "Y/n, darling you've hardly touched your food, are you feeling alright?" Narcissa asked. "Yes ma'am." You mumbled. Draco rose a brow and your father almost seemed... Happy. With you're discomfort.

"Y/n has taken quite well to Draco. The two are practically inseparable now." Narcissa said. Draco hid a small smile. "Has Y/n been keeping up with her lessons?" Your father asked. "....Yes. she's quite exceptional with piano." Lucius answered with a brow raised. "Lilian was exceptional with piano as well. Better actually." He said. You frowned and Draco put a hand over yours, looking at you. "Y/n always had trouble prioritizing her duties." Your mother said. "Maybe she had trouble because she was trying to ignore the obvious--" Lucius shook his head and Draco gripped your hand. You put a hand on his arm and shook your head. He swallowed but nodded. "Hmm." Your father made a noise of acknowledgement. "in two weeks time is the engagement party. Is there any requests?" Lucius asked. Almost finished. Thank God. "Do not be afraid to discipline my daughter if she doesn't do something to your liking." Your father answered.

Sound seemed to drown out, him staring daggers into you. "She isn't cattle!" Draco finally snapped. "Stop it." You thought, your throat not working to form even a whisper. "You don't know the kind of pain he's capable of" "She is a human being who I happen to care about, do not ever expect me or my family to hurt her the same way you have." Draco growled. Lucius paused. "What?" He asked. “Make the voice stop.” You thought, retreating into yourself. "She has scars father--" "This is absolutely ridiculous!" Your father halted and Lucius was now looking at your father from head to toe. Narcissa frowned and glared at him before noticing you. "Make it stop, please just get this to stop." You thought to yourself as you shook. "Draco get Y/n out of here." She said. He opened his mouth but stopped noticing the pure terror on your face. "Y/n?" Draco whispered. You were shaking and Draco pulled you up, walking you to the library. He closed the door and you shook. "Y/n--" "Please don't hurt me" you whimpered. Draco sat you down and kneeled in front of you. "Y/n I'm not going to hurt you. You're safe." He said softly. He cupped your cheek. "What did they do to you?" He asked making you break down into sobs.

He held you close, soothing you until you fell asleep and then carried you to bed. He sighed, running a hand over his face, closing the bedroom door as he stood outside of it. He walked to his father's study to find Lucius looking out the window and drinking. "Father--" "Is it really true?" Lucius asked. "Did he beat her?" He asked. Draco sucked in a breath. "Yes. She has nightmares father, she'll wake up crying." Draco answered. Lucius sat down the glass Draco could only assume was filled with scotch and turned around. "We must tread carefully then. He can retract this engagement as long as it is within these coming weeks." Lucius said. "Surely he wouldn't." Draco said. "He would if it meant someone finding out." Lucius answered. "I halted him from doing that very action tonight. I understand your anger. I too am cross, but you must control this in his presence or else we're sending that girl into a lion's den." Lucius said. "Yes father." Draco said. After a long silence Draco reached for the door. "Son." Lucius said. He looked over with a confused glance. "I'm proud of you for protecting her." Lucius said. Draco gave a small smile, walking back to you.

You were still asleep, most likely exhausted. Draco changed, laying next to you. You instinctively moved into his arms, Draco holding you as you slept. "Thank you." You murmured. He kissed your head. "Anything for you dear."

The next morning Draco woke up before you. You leaned up, getting changed before walking out. You walked through the halls, looking through the windows and out to the garden. It was raining today. You felt a hand land on your shoulder. You turned to see Draco and you smiled. "Morning." You mumbled. "Good morning." He said. "Would you mind taking a walk with me?" He asked. You rose a brow but followed him. You walked through the manor, you confused. "Any particular reason you wanted to walk?" You asked. "I mainly wanted to enjoy your company." He admitted. "O-oh..." You said with a small blush coming to your cheeks. "Uh.... I wanted to say thank you... Draco... For last night. You... It meant a lot." You said. "It was nothing... I'm glad that you trust me though." He said. "Draco... I know that I'm a bit... Flawed. But I want you to know that if you need anything that I'm here." You said. He smiled, looking at you. His silver eyes seemed to pierce through you as he stared. "Draco--" "Y/n, good you're awake. Would you mind stepping into my study?" Lucius asked.

You sighed. "Duty calls." You muttered before stepping in. You closed the door and took a moment to get rid of the rosy cheeks induced by Draco. "Are you alright?" He asked. "Hmm? Yes what did you-- Marie!?" You gaped. Your sister turned around. "Hello darling." She said with a soothing smile. She rose and you hugged her. "My goodness, what brings you here?" You asked. "I wanted to see you before you got married! That and I want to also meet your husband to be!" She said. "Oh! Aha... Well--" "Where is the boy--" "I'll get him!" You said. You stepped out. Oh God... She's so perky she might kill Draco with smiles.

Draco rose a brow, leaning off the wall. "Were you just... Standing out here?" You asked. "Hmm. Yes I planned on spending most of my day with you." He said. You smiled slightly. "Ahaha... Well my sister Marie wants to meet you." You said. "She does?" Draco asked. "Yes... Though I'm afraid her happy demeanor might kill your whole brooding attitude that you maintain." You chuckled. He gave you a small smirk. "I do not brood." He said before walking in. "Yes. You do." You said taking his hand with both of your hands. He smiled at the obvious excitement to see your sister. Marie stood up and curtsied to him. "Pleasure to meet you Draco." She said. He took her hand and kissed it, before rising and taking his place next to you. "Oh he's polite. A lot better than that boy Joanna almost married." Marie said. You tried not to snort. "The boy from Noughtington?" You asked. "Indeed. That boy was a walking disaster." Marie chuckled. "With the--" "Fondue fountain." You both said before laughing. Draco smiled at your laughing and Marie noticed. He was smitten. Oh it was so obvious. "Draco, are you looking forward to marrying my sister?" She asked. Draco looked at you with a chuckle. "Well if the first week of marriage is like her first week here I think I can wait." He teased. You resisted again to laugh. "...What was so bad about your first week?" Marie asked after noticing the amused look on Lucius face. "She absolutely tormented the boy." Lucius chuckled. "Tormented? Oh no that's an understatement-- she followed me around just to insult me." He said with a laugh. You chuckled and seemed to be looking at him with affection. "But." He began looking at you and taking your hand. "I wouldn't change a thing about her." He said. Your cheeks again heated up, becoming slightly noticeable as you smiled. Marie smiled.

"I'm glad she has found someone to love her. Some of father's arrangements..." Marie cleared her throat. "It doesn't bode well." She said. You nodded knowingly. "Elizabeth, may she rest in peace." You both said in unison. Draco rose a brow. "You've lost a sister?" Lucius asked. "She was the eldest. I'm afraid father misjudged the family and..." Marie cleared her throat. "They drove her to suicide." You said. "Promise me you two" Marie said to Lucius and Draco. "You will keep my father away from Y/n." She said. "Well we--" "I swear to you if he lays a finger on her I will not hesitate to return that favor." Draco said making you blush again. He was so serious and hellbent on keeping you safe. "We promise you she's safe here." Lucius said softly, taking notice of Draco's determined look.

You noticed the rain had stopped as did Draco. "Would you mind allowing Y/n and I to go on a walk? Y/n loves the garden after it rains." Draco asked. He noticed that? Christ, is there anything this boy didn't know about you? "You're excused, Marie how long are you staying?" Lucius asked. "Until the wedding." She said. You all froze. "This is my favorite sister, I'm making sure this is the right place for her, surely you understand." Marie said. Lucius nodded. "Very well." Lucius said. "Enjoy your walk you two." Marie said. You both walked out and Draco let out a long breath. "She's... Perky?" He said. "Told she'd interrupting the brooding." You said with a chuckle. "I, once again, do not brood!" He said. You laughed and he smiled. "You've been smiling a lot more lately though, I will give you that." You said. "I've been enjoying my company." He said to you. You smiled, tucking a loose strand behind your ear.

You observed the roses as Draco sat in the garden, him noticing your love for the roses. "Draco?" You asked. "Hmm?" He made a noise to acknowledge your call while sitting up straight. "How did you know I liked the garden after it rains?" You asked. Draco pondered. "I think it was more after observing you." He asked. "You've observed me?" You asked. He chuckled. "I do. I do that more than I think you realize." He said. You looked over, a slight amusement daring to play on your lips. "What did you notice?" You asked. "hmm." He stood up looking at you. "You enjoy reading." He said. "Well that's obvious, our first conversation was in a library." You laughed. "You pace when you're upset, to which I do the same." He said. "Continue." You said with a smile. "You actually do carry yourself properly almost standing sometimes like you have a sword, especially when you argue." He noticed. "Oh?" "I suspect that's because to you, arguing is a battle of wits." He teased. You rolled your eyes with a laugh. "If it doesn't rain, around this time you're outside here, reading. Usually a female writer like Bronte or Austen." He said. How did he-- "You always have your hair up in some sort of way, most likely to keep yourself from having to mess with it while you're reading." He stepped closer. "You have tea with my mother on Wednesday." He took your hand, holding it. "Your hand still has the callouses from the violin." Your heart was pounding. "The roses are your favorite, I think you love to feel the petals" he said, getting closer to you. You could feel his breath now. "You stare at me when you don't think I'm watching and you make notes of my movement because you know it reflects how I truly feel." He whispered. You both stood in silence, only the chirping of birds sounding off. Draco's eyes were staring into yours, almost as if they were searching. His hand held your cheek and your heart pounded. "Draco..." You whispered. You had to say something didn't you? Why on earth did you say this boy's name? "I think I..." You swallowed. "I think--" "Y/nnnn! Narcissa wanted you!" Marie called. "I'm beginning to despise your sister." He murmured, still very close to your face. "I should go." You said softly. He nodded and stepped back, your face returning to the cool air of the midday. You walked past. "Y/n." Draco said making you turn around.

It all happened so quickly. The pull of his hand, your lips on his, my God they were warm. "When you are finished, come to library." He said softly. "As... As you wish..." You said shocked. You pulled away, eyes still wide as you walked. Marie rose a brow as you came into her view, your fingers lightly pressing your bottom lip with a shocked face. "Y/n are you ill? You look like you've seen a ghost." Marie asked. "...What? Oh yes! Yes I'm fine!" You said quickly walking into the manor. Marie rose a brow but Draco soon came into view with a smile and shaking of the head. He almost seemed... Giddy?

Marie looked at you and then Draco and rose a brow. "Y/n did something happen between you and your fiancée?" She asked. "What!? What in the world would make you think that!? Haha, Marie you're so ridiculous, where's Narcissa!?" You asked. She squinted at your expression. "...The day room... For tea... It's Wednesday dear." Marie reminded. "I know you have tea with my mother on Wednesdays..." "Right... Right! I should go!" You said, walking quickly your face getting redder as you walked.

You walked into the day room, sitting down with a frantic look. "Y/n? Are you alright dear?" Narcissa asked. You closed the door and ran a hand over your face. "Your son has got my mind running all over the place!" You said. She gave an amused smile. "Has he now?" She asked. "He took a walk with me and started talking about how he looks at me when I'm not looking-- has he lost his mind!?" You asked. "Well--" "And then he had the gall to kiss me!" You groaned. "...... He did what?" Narcissa asked, a wide smile showing. "At least try to hide the joy here, he's literally driving me to the brink of insanity." You said. "Sorry, yes. He kissed you?" Narcissa asked. "Yes! Marie came to fetch me and he just-- Gah! Did you know he observes me!?" You groaned. "why do you think you're going mad?" Narcissa asked. "That has to be what this feeling is right!? I'm descending into madness!?" You asked frantically as you paced. "Wait, what feeling?" Narcissa asked. "that feeling that just comes around when Draco is around!" You said. Narcissa could see this clearly. When you said Draco's name, the sentence ended with you smiling. You paused, realizing the smile. "SEE!? HE'S GOT ME SMILING LIKE A GIT!" you whined. Narcissa laughed. "Y/n. You're not mad." Narcissa assured. "Then what the hell is ailing me? Oh God is it something else worse?" You asked. "You're in love."  Narcissa said. You laughed. "No. No that's not... No!" You said. "Darling you can't say Draco's name without smiling." Narcissa said. "Sure I can. Draco-- Damn it!" You hissed after you smiled. Draco who was walking by heard his name. "Is it so out of the realm of possibility?" Narcissa asked. "I mean... No..." You mumbled. "Tell me, what have you observed from Draco." Narcissa said. You sat down. "he's a twat." You mumbled making him shake his head with a smile. "He's intelligent though... My god he keeps his wits about himself." You muttered. "And?" Narcissa asked. "And he always is there when I need him...." You mumbled. "And he's right there every morning... Holding me." You said smiling to yourself. Draco smiled to himself. "And he..." You shook your head with a small laugh. "He reminds me of Mr. Darcy." You said. "how so?" She asked. "He has the same retorts... And he doesn't hold any punches when he talks to me." You said. "And that pleases you?" Narcissa asked. "It means he knows I can handle myself..." You said. You looked over at Narcissa, that warm feeling returning. "I'm in love aren't I?" You asked. "Head over heels." Narcissa said. Draco smiled, walking past.

"what's got you so giddy mister Draco?" Marie asked. He cleared his throat. "It's just a very... Very good day don't you think?" He asked. She rose a brow. "I suppose?" She said as he entered the library. "What on earth have I walked into?" She muttered to herself. She walked into the day room. "Uhm. Mrs. Malfoy?" Marie asked making you look up. "Hmm?" She asked. "Something strange is happening." Marie said. "Oh?" Narcissa asked. "...Yes Draco was smiling like a madman earlier he almost seemed... Giddy? And poor Y/n walked out of the garden looking like she's seen a ghost." Marie said confused. "Wait, when did you see Draco?" You asked. "Just now, he was walking past--" "Oh no." You said, cheeks heating up. "What's wrong?" Marie asked. "It appears that we need THICKER DOORS." You groaned making Narcissa chuckle. You got up and sighed. "Where are you off to?" Marie asked. "Killing an eavesdropping moron." You muttered making Narcissa almost snort.

You stepped into the library and Draco looked up with a kind smile. Damn that adorable face. "Eavesdrop anything interesting lately?" You asked with a straight face. Draco chuckled. "It appears someone has become smitten." He said. "Oh ha ha." You said with an eye roll. "It appears we both feel the same way as well." He said softly. You looked at him, brows raised. "I don't... Think I quite follow... You.. you love me?" You asked. Draco laughed and shook his head. "Of course I do Y/n." Draco said, shutting the book in his hand. He set it down. "You have become my world Y/n... I can only hope I've done the same for you." He said softly. You let a smile fall over you. "Yes... Yes you have." You admitted. He again, held your cheek. "I love you Y/n." He said softly. "I love you too Draco." You said softly. The gap between the two of you came to a close and he dropped the book entirely making you jump. He chuckled as did you before you noticed your sister standing there shocked. Your eyes widened and you shoved Draco away making him confused before he too noticed Marie. "Well it's too late now, I've already seen your... Festivities." She snorted. You rose a brow. "Festivities? Really Marie?" You asked. "I didn't know you were in here!" She said. "All you said before you left was you were killing someone!" Marie added making Draco snort. You picked up his book and smacked his arm with it. "Idiot." You murmured. "Yes, I am your idiot though." He said softly. You smiled. "Are you prepared for the day after tomorrow?" Marie asked. "What's then?" You asked. She blinked. "....You cannot be serious. How on earth do you forget your own birthday!?" She asked. Draco looked at you shocked. "Your birthday is this week!?" He asked. "It is!?" You asked. "My God woman, how have you lived this long?" She asked with a grin. "I'm sorry I barely remembered it's Wednesday today and you're expecting me to know that my birthday is in two days?" You asked making Draco laugh. "Draco really turned your head that much around hmm?" She teased. Your cheeks turned pink at the mention and Draco laughed. "To be fair she does the same for me." Draco said. "Oh do I now?" You asked with a laugh. "Why do you think I can never seem to put a tie on?" He asked. You blinked a few times. "What?" You asked. "You're correct, we've been to a private school Y/n, one of which includes ties in the uniform. I've had plenty of practice but living with you has made it very difficult to focus, especially  as of late." He teased. Your face was redder by the second. "Oh come now Draco, you're teasing her too intensely. Any more jabs at her now and she'll be as red as a tomato." Marie laughed. "You two are going to be the death of me!" You whined as you walked towards the door. "Where are you off to?" Draco asked. "Away, far away. I swear you two exist to torment my mental state." You groaned making him laugh as you left. "You really do love her." Marie noticed. Draco smiled. "Indeed I do." He said with that ridiculous smile on his face. Marie shook her head. "Did you not realize it was her birthday?" She asked. "No. She never mentioned it to me, I'm honestly surprised that your father never brought it up." Draco said. "They never celebrated birthdays. Mother always did, father, never." Marie said. "Every time I've met your mother she doesn't appear to care." He said. "That's because she's our stepmother." Marie said softly. Draco rose a brow. "Is you mother... Divorced?" "Passed on I'm afraid. When Y/n was nine." Marie explained. "I see..." Draco said. "Was you father--" "In the pleasant mood he's always in? Yes. All the time." She muttered.

"hmm." Draco nodded. "Elizabeth took the beatings after mother died... And then when Wesley and I married it was Y/n." Marie said. "... You're a twin?" Draco noticed. "Hmm? Oh no! No we happened to marry around the same. Y/n's a triplet  though." Marie answered. "What?" Draco asked, clearly surprised. "Oh yes. Thomas and..." Marie frowned. "Charles..." She muttered. Draco paused. "Oh... Oh no." Draco said realizing something. "What's wrong?" Marie asked. "was she close to Charles?" Draco asked. "Thomas and him both were." Marie said. "Then I know why she didn't want to remember her birthday." Draco said. Marie facepalmed. "I feel so stupid I didn't catch on before." She said. Draco cleared his throat, before his eyes seemed to get huge. "What's with you?" Marie asked. "I don't have a present for my own fiancée..." He muttered. "Ohhh... Oh shite, I don't either." Marie said. "Wha-- you're the one that mentioned her birthday!" He said. "it took her twin sending me a letter to realize it was in two days!" Marie said. "...Diagon alley!" He said, snapping his fingers. "What?" She asked "We have to go to Diagon alley, now! We've got floo powder!" He said.

"Draco she spends most of her free time with you we would need..." She paused. "A distraction-- would your parents be willing to help?" Marie asked. Draco set down the book and walked out. He stepped into his father's study. "Father are you busy?" He asked. "Well--" "I need you to distract Y/n for two hours." Draco said. "....Why, pray tell do you need me to distract her?" Lucius asked. "Y/n's birthday is in two days, I need to get her a gift." Draco said. "Two days? My goodness, why hasn't she said anything?" Lucius asked. "She hasn't kept up with the days since she moved in." Draco explained. "Alright... How should I go about distracting her?" Lucius asked. "Give her something to do-- Books! She loves to read or-- Maybe get her to practice music!" Draco pondered. "Wait! You haven't spent that much quality time with her, just get to know her!" He said. ".....Alright, how do I do that exactly?" Lucius asked. "Father, just do what you do with me." He said. "But what if she's easily distracted--" "I really need this father." Draco begged. Lucius let out a long sigh and Draco stared at his father. "...fine... Send her in." Lucius said. "Thank you father!" Draco said with relief. "Have fun." He murmured as Draco ran off to find you.

It didn't take long to find you, you were sitting on the bench, reading. Your ,h/c strands moving ever so slightly because of the breeze. Draco smiled as he walked over. You felt as if someone was watching you as you read, putting down your book to see Draco. "Hi." You said softly. God your voice.... Seriously what did Draco drink this morning that made you lovely to him? "Father... Wanted to speak with you." Draco said. "Hmm? Alright... Draco are you okay you seem... Distracted?" You asked. "You look radiant today, that's all." He said making you smile. "what did I do today to earn your attention this often?" You asked curiously. "hmm... I'm not sure, does breathing count?" Draco asked. He kneeled so he was closer to your face. "Your eyes are something poetry is often written about." He said looking at you. "Did someone slip you Amortentia this morning?" You asked. "Nope. Just in love. That's all." He said. You put your book beside you, cupping his face in your hands. Draco smiled, moving strands of hair out of your eyes. You pressed a kiss to his forehead and sighed. "I suppose I should go see what your father needs--" "He can wait... For a little bit." Draco said with a smile. You laughed and rolled your eyes. "You're a child." You said. "No, I just would like my future wife's attention." He said making you smile. He kissed you, making you smile. He loved seeing that smile now. Used to it was almost a sign of mockery or the result of him falling. Now it was the best parts of his day. He kissed your lips a couple of more times and you laughed. "I really should go see what your father wants Draco." You said. He smiled and rolled his eyes. "Fine, but we are definitely continuing this later." Draco said with a devious smirk. You shook your head as you walked into the manor. You walked to Lucius' study and he looked up.

"Draco said you needed me?" You asked. "Uh..." Lucius seemed to halt his entire brain. Shit. One job Lucius. You have one job. "...I... Realized that I don't really know you as well as Narcissa does... So..." He noticed Marie and Draco running into the library with a bag of floo powder. He flicked his wand ever so slightly so the door would close. "So?" You asked, raising a brow. "So tell me about yourself!" He said, way too excited in the subject. "Well... Uhm... What would you like to know?" You asked. Shit. "Uh--" seriously man, can you make another fucking noise!? The sounds of muffled shouting made you turn your head. "What's your favorite number!?" Lucius asked, a slight deranged look appearing in his eyes. "....What?" You asked. ".... What's your favorite number?" He asked. What kind of question is that? "...Eight... I guess?" You answered confused. "Alright, Draco wanted me to get to know you, I have absolutely no clue how to go about this." Lucius finally snapped. You blinked. "But... Our relationship is fine?" You said confused. "Yes well he thinks we need to be closer." Lucius said. "Hmm.. does that mean I'm allowed to ask questions too?" You asked. "Please do, this awkward silence will drive me mad if it's held long enough." He said. "How do you know my father?" You asked. "He works in the ministry. I was also present for his second marriage." Lucius said. "I didn't see you there?" You said confused. "I made it very very brief." He said making you nod. "Do you get along with your stepmother?" Lucius asked. "... Not particularly." You admitted. "Hmm. Good to know. She was dreadful even during the wedding." Lucius said making you laugh. "Yep. sounds like her." You nodded. "Do... Hmm." Lucius pondered if his next question would make you uncomfortable. "do you enjoy the company of any of your family?" He asked. "All of my siblings are kinder than my parents. They could see the favoritism at a young age and stopped trying to please him as much as I did." You explained. "Hmm... Well your brother would like to visit Friday--" you seemed to perk up at the mention of your brother. "Thomas?" You asked. "Yes... And Wesley." He nodded. "I love spending time with my brothers sir." You said with a smile. "I can see that. I'll let them know they're welcome to come here." He said. "I will warn you... They might pull what Marie did and stay here until the wedding." You warned. "It is customary for the family of the bride to stay with us a week prior from the wedding... Even though this is about three weeks early, I'll allow it." Lucius assured. You rose a brow. "Three weeks?" You asked. "Hmm?" Lucius asked. "The wedding...is in three weeks?" You asked. "Technically four. Why?" Lucius asked. "Nothing I just... It's the first I've heard an official date." You admitted. "I suppose you should talk to Narcissa about a dress... I'm not sure that's actually in order." Lucius said. You opened your mouth before hearing a loud crash making you stand. "What in the blazes was that!?" You asked. "Uhh--" you reached for the handle and the door opened before you could reach it. "....Draco what the hell happened to you?" You asked. "...Floo powder explosion" he admitted as he was covered in ash and soot. Lucius facepalmed and you started laughing making both of the men look at you. "You're ridiculous, you know that?" You asked Draco, wiping away the ash on his face. He smiled and laughed. "Yes, it appears that way doesn't it?" He asked. You shook your head. "Wait... Why would you need floo powder--" "I'm going to take a bath! I'll be back." Draco said before kissing your cheek and leaving. You rose a brow and turned back around. "You were distracting me weren't you?" You asked. "What? No no no I--" you gave him a blank stare. "Yes. Yes I was."

You ended up looking for Draco after an hour passed. "Draco can we-- OH MY GOD!" You screamed after seeing him naked. You slammed the door closed, your heart pounding as you stood there. You could hear him laughing. "I already told you it'd be bound to happen." Draco said. You almost seemed to be trying to hype yourself up to walk back in again. After all you did see.... GAH. NOT TIME TO THINK ABOUT THAT! You let out a long sigh. "Draco I'm walking in." You said. You could do this, you could do this you could-- you walked in and he was still shirtless making you nearly scream.

You could not do this.

Draco laughed, looking at your panic. "Love, this is bound to happen eventually." Draco said. "How are you so comfortable with this?" You asked staring at the ceiling. "I've shown you some very vulnerable parts of my personality. Personally: I'd prefer you see me naked over watching me in a vulnerable state." Draco said sliding on his shirt. You nodded. "Okay.... I guess that makes sense--" you said looking at Draco who was smiling at you. You rolled your eyes. "Take joy in my embarrassment, you're the one that has to deal with me having to take a bath later. Then we'll see who's embarrassed." You sassed. He chuckled. "Touché my dear, touché." He said. You looked in his eyes and smiled before squinting. ".... You're up to something!" You concluded. "What?" He asked. "You're up to something! I don't know what yet, but you're up to something!" You said. "I am not..." He looked into your eyes. "Okay I may have something planned but I'm not saying what that is!" He said. "Pffff... You crack like your father does!" You said with a laugh. "I do not-- Wait what does that mean?" He asked. "I asked if me being in his office was a distraction and he cracked." You said with a laugh. "Damn it father!" He groaned. "So. Whatcha hiding?" You asked with a smirk. He shook his head. "I'm not saying. "Dracooo... What are you hiding?" You asked again. "not tellinnnggg!" He said walking past you. You smirked, jumping onto his back making him jump. "What the hell--" "Tell me!" You said. "No!" He laughed. Marie snorted seeing you on his back. "Am I to assume this is about.... The thing?" Marie asked. Draco nodded with a laugh and you hung over his shoulder making him laugh harder. "Tell meeeee!" You said. He snorted and you laughed before almost hitting the floor. Draco managed to grab you beforehand and he laughed harder. He kissed your face and you smiled. "You will be the death of me I swear." He laughed.

Marie smiled. "we should get to dinner, I'm dying to get to know your parents!" Marie said. "They're really sweet." You said as Draco helped you up. You all walked into the dining room, taking your places. Lucius sat down, as did all of you. "So, there's a boy named Thomas that is to stay with us?" Narcissa asked. "Hmm? Yes, it's Y/n's brother." Lucius answered. "Oh! The triplet?" Narcissa asked. "You knew?" Draco asked. "I know plenty about your fiancee Draco, I have tea with her every Wednesday. You should join us one day, you might learn something new." Narcissa said. "Oh he knows plenty about Y/n. Interests, hobbies, career choices." Marie said. "Career choices?" Narcissa and Lucius asked. "Y/n would like to be an a Magizoologist." Draco said making you raise a brow. "A Magizoologist? Like uhm... What's that man's name, we've met him six or seven times?" Lucius asked Narcissa. "Newt Scamander?" She asked. "That's the one." He nodded. "Wait wait wait. You've met the Newt Scamander?" You asked. "He comes to the Christmas party every year." Draco said. "How-- what!?" You gaped. Draco smiled at your bewilderment. "So you wish to study magical creatures?" Narcissa asked. "Yes... I know it's crazy--" "It's not crazy dear, it's fascinating. When did you realize you wanted to study them?" Narcissa asked. "after I saved your son from a hippogriff." You said making Draco nearly choke on his drink. "What?" Lucius asked. "In our third year we were given a new course of magical creatures. Potter ended up getting along quite nicely in the course. Draco... Not so much." You teased. "He charged up to the damn thing and it nearly attacked him until I intervened." You said. Draco looked at you. "That... That was you." He remembered. "Yes I was usually put in the middle with your rivalry with Potter." You said to him. He frowned. "You... Were?" He asked. "Yes. The hippogriff was just one of many occasions. There was the sink explosion that occured after you pissed off George, the argument over the goblet of fire where Ron got heated and accidentally elbowed me in the nose after you insulted him, me getting in trouble after taking the blame for something you did by the headmaster from Durmstrang, and my least favorite-- the mandrake incident." You listed. "....I didn't realize I caused that much trouble." He said. "you gave Fred and George a run for their money." You admitted. "I'm genuinely sorry Y/n." He said. "I resented you for a very long time but it no longer bothers me." You shrugged. "...I do remember one incident with a creature in our fourth year." Draco recalled. Lucius rose a brow. "Oh yes the" "Dragon." Marie, you and Draco all recalled. "Dragon?!" Narcissa gaped. "Yes. In the tournament there was a challenge having to do with a dragon. Cedric nearly died to the damn thing." Draco began to explain. "There was this scholarship like program that I was a part of where I worked close with Charlie Weasley and Hagrid. So as my training started at the beginning of the year, I basically had to raise the dragons in the tournament." You explained. "She runs down there and calms it in seconds." Draco said making Lucius raise a brow. "Really?" He asked. "I mean... Keeping Milk grass in hand while petting a dragon comes in handy..." You shrugged. "Milk what?" Narcissa asked. "It's a grass that grows in the wizarding world-- It uh its smell is very potent, smells sweet but dragons love the stuff. It's the best way to keep them calm." You said, seeming more interested as you answered. You noticed everyone looking at you. "Sorry... I just... Uhm." You shifted. "You know, I bet Newt wouldn't mind speaking with you about career possibilities." Lucius said. You perked up as if you were a dog. "....Are you... Are you serious!?" You asked. "Consider it done" Lucius said. You stared at the table in shock. "Excuse my dear sister, her mind is now fried." Marie teased. "What about you dear, do you work?" Narcissa asked. "I'm a journalist." She said. "Oh goodness... Tell me you aren't like that plague of a woman, Rita Skeeter." Lucius said. Marie grimaced. "Absolutely not. I'd sooner shoot myself in the foot than stoop to that woman's level." Marie chuckled. "Good." Lucius said relieved. "what is it you write?" Narcissa asked. "I write travel entries." She said. "You travel?" Draco asked. You finally blinked away the disbelief. "She uhm." You cleared your throat. "She travels with her husband." You said. "So your husband and you travel?" Lucius asked. "He's a soldier." She said. "Oh. I take it he knows you're here?" Draco asked. "Yes, though he's usually out doing something... Dangerous." She admitted. "Sweet as can be though." You said. "God yes." Marie nodded. "How did you all manage to be in reliable marriages if your father is... Well your father." Draco asked. "Mm. Well when you're a noble you go to many parties. You meet people, you befriend them. We set up a system you see." Marie began. "We would basically befriend the noble boys and ask them politely to reject us so we could get to the one we actually would be okay marrying." Marie explained. "Or in Y/n's case, try to break them... And succeed." Marie added making Draco laugh. "She's spirited." Draco said with a smile looking over at you. You smiled in return, looking at him with love. Lucius noticed and smiled. "You're all excused." Lucius said. You walked down the hallways to your room.

You stretched before going to the bathroom. Draco got changed and read a book while waiting for you. You came out a few moments later in a towel making him glance up before returning to the book. Then he realized... He looked back up and you were changing into your usual night clothes. Christ you were gorgeous. "Draco, I can feel your staring." You said grabbing a shirt. ".... You're fucking beautiful." He gaped. You nearly turned around but your breasts being exposed made you turn back. "What the hell brought on the compliment?" You asked. "You. Literally looking like that." He said. "I always look like this?" You said confused. "Yes but you're beautiful-- Am I not supposed to compliment you when you look stunning?" He asked. You laughed sliding on the shirt and turning to him. "I think the day we get married you might lose your mind then." You said. "Mmm.." he looked at you and shook his head. "You were about to say something, what was it?" You asked laying down next to him. "It was nothing." Draco said. "what was it?" You asked. He shook his head. "I'm not entirely sure you'd want to hear it." He said. "Say it." You said with an eye roll. "Dracoooo--" "I'd absolutely ravage you on our wedding night dear, do not push it." He said in your ear making you turn crimson. He returned to his book as you stared off. "Y/n? Did I break you?" He asked. "Little bit." You squeaked out. He snorted and you made a noise almost reminiscent of a deflating balloon. He laughed and closed his book. "Have you not thought about this?" He asked. "What? Sleeping with you?" You asked. "Yes." He nodded. "I...." You swallowed you words down looking at him. "Uhm... Maybe a little too much." You said before looking away. "Really?" He asked. "Yes! Okay, maybe I have! A few... Dozen times, but at least I don't make comments like that!" You said making him laugh harder. "I didn't make you uncomfortable did I?" He asked. "No! No I just-- Gah, you're absolutely frustrating sometimes!" You groaned. "What? Had your impure thought of the day?" He teased. You scoffed. "I do not have an 'impure thought of the day'. I am perfectly capable of making you just as squeamish as you've made me!" You said defiantly. "Oh? Is that so? Well let's hear it then." He said. "What!?" You asked. "Let's hear you say something. Come on." He teased. "Draco--" "What impure thought has crossed your mind that could possibly make me this ridiculous?" He asked. You rolled your eyes. "And silence has filled you yet again dear, I'm beginning to notice a pattern of--" "If you don't stop with this talk, I will find some very creative and useful ways to make you shut it." You said in his ear. A chill shot down his spine as you took your book off your nightstand and read with him staring at you. "Oh what now!?" You asked. "You know, you still owe me from earlier." Draco said. "What?" You asked. "In the garden. When I kissed you." He reminded. You looked over at him. He was smiling in a way you hadn't seen before, all of his attention was solely focused on you. Your heart seemed to pound before you got up. "What are you doing?" he asked. "Getting some water." You said walking out. You closed the door and walked to Marie's room. "Marie? Can I come in?" You asked. "Yes dearie!" She said. You closed the door and she rose a brow. "You look like you've recovered from heat stroke, are you alright?" She asked.

"can I ask you a question?" You asked. "Yes?" She said confused. "When did you know you were ready to..." You paused. "Get married? Well I didn't have much of a choice--" "N-no... That you were ready to... Do it." You asked. "It? What is it?" Marie asked. You seemed to shift in place before she realized. "Ooohhh you mean sex!" She said. "SHHH! KEEP IT DOWN!" you said in a whisper shouting voice. "What? Afraid God will hear you?" Marie asked flatly. You sighed. "Why are you asking that though-- ohmygod do you think that you're going to?" She asked. "Well... I mean--" "I say go for it." Marie said. "Wha-- but how did you know?" You asked. "that I was ready?" Marie asked. "Yes!" You groaned. "because I trusted him. And I loved him." Marie said. "...You didn't feel it?" You asked. "I mean, yes it did involve me trusting myself to know that I was ready too." She said. "...Do you think you're ready?" Marie asked. You immediately thought of those ridiculously attractive grey eyes. "...I.. I am." You nodded. "Well... Then congratulations?" She asked. You got up. "Where are you going?" She asked. "Sleep." You said before leaving. You walked to your room and closed the door. "That must've been one big glass of water." Draco teased. You jumped at his voice and he rose a brow. "Darling are you alright--" "Did you mean what you said?" You asked. "what?" He asked. "Earlier, did you mean what you said?" You asked. "About...?" Draco said. "Draco, do you want to actually sleep with me?" You asked. "Is that an offer?" He asked sarcastically. "YES!" You said. "....Wait seriously?" He asked. "Welcome to the wonders of a fiancée, who will usually sleep with you if you ask--" he closed the door behind you, kissing you passionately. You halted all means of speech as you locked the door.

He pulled away. "Are you sure about this? Do you really--" "Please." You whispered. He kissed your neck, kissing that one spot that made you almost sink into him. "S-someone studied." You said with a laugh. He kissed you again, both of his hands on your body. You melted into his grasp almost shivering at his touch. "Tell me you want this and I'll keep going Y/n." Draco told you. "I want this Draco." You assured. He nodded, getting up and lifting you up. "What are--" "Bed." He said before kissing you passionately. You ran your fingers through his hair, as he sat you on the edge of the bed removing your shirt after pulling off his own his own. "What?" You asked. He chuckled and kissed you again. You held his face and he held you close as you both leaned back onto the bed. He kissed down your body, each kiss sweeter than the last. Your breath hitched as Draco pulled off your pj bottoms. He pulled off your underwear, his lips kissing your inner thigh making you almost shiver at the contact. His tongue moved and you gripped the sheets at the contact. "D-draco-- A-ah!" You gasped. He ran his fingers over your arms lightly before holding your hand as you held back a few moans. He pulled back before kissing you. "Draco... I need you." You whispered as he rested his forehead on yours. He kissed your forehead before inserting himself in you. You arched your back and gasped as he moved slowly. It hurt at first and he could tell, cupping your cheek with a hand. You slowed your breathing as the pain quickly went away. "You.. you can move." You whispered. As he quickened the pace as he ran his fingers over your arms and held your hands in his as you moaned. "Dr-Draco oh god--" you breathed. He kissed you, holding you close before both of you came.

He collapsed next to you looking at you. "So is this a regular thing now orrr--" "Oh bite your tongue." You said with a laugh. He kissed you and you smiled, resting your forehead on his. "I love you Y/n." He said. "I love you too Draco." You said softly. Sleep was easy to you that night, no nightmares bombarding your inner thoughts. You woke up to the morning light hitting your eyes. You blinked a few times and leaned up. Draco inhaled sharply before doing the same. "Morning." You said with a smile. "Morning." He said before kissing you. You let your feet touch the floor before immediately falling. Damn your sore legs, Marie couldn't have added that that might be a problem? Draco immediately got up and helped you up. "Uhm... Are you alright?" He asked as your legs shook. "You did this you little shit." You said. He resisted a snort and lifted you up. "Wha-- where are we going!?" You asked. "Bath, your muscles are sore Love." He said. "And how, pray tell, do you know this?" He asked. "I've asked some... Unsavory questions to friends who might've had sex in school?" He said. "You could just say you aren't a virgin, I mean who's that good their first time?" You said with a laugh as you slowly got into the tub. "Actually that was my first time." He said. "There is no way that's true." You said. Draco chuckled and turned on the hot water. "Despite what you believe, it's the truth." Draco said. "....What kind of questions did you ask these friends of yours!?" You realized making him snort.

You took a bath, your muscles, thankfully relaxing and allowing you to stand again. Draco left some clothes for you on the counter next to the sink. You put them on noticing a scar on your back and making you shake your head. You walked out and Draco was standing on the terrace of the room. You smiled and walked out, him wrapping an arm around you. "This is a beautiful day." Draco said. "If you start getting sappy I'm going to leave." You joked. He chuckled and kissed your face. You smiled and heard a knock on the door. "Did we ever unlock the door?" You asked. "No, I don't think we did." He answered. You opened the door and Marie was holding a cup of tea. "Morning you two." She said handing you the cup. "Mind if I whisk her away for a bit?" Marie asked Draco. "Not at all, have fun dear." He said before giving you a quick kiss and walking past you.

"Soooo." She said as you walked. You sipped the tea. "How was last night?" She asked making you cough it up. She chuckled. You coughed a few more times and finally answered. "Christ, give me a warning!" You said. "Well I think that was plenty of an answer." She said with a devious laugh. "So did you... Y'know?" She asked. "Marie!" You whined. "You roped me into this, remember that!" She said. "...It was nice." You finally said. "Oh so you did--" "YES OKAY, NOW CAN WE DROP IT!?" you begged. "Alright alright! So, read anything new lately?" She asked. "Well--" "Y/n, would you mind coming with me?" Lucius asked. You turned around. "Is everyone going to be asking me this today?" You asked. Marie took your cup and you rose a brow. "Go, I'll be out here." She said with a smile. You shrugged, walking with Lucius. "Where are we going?" You asked. "Now I'm sure you know the answer to this." Lucius said with a laugh. "Your study. Right! Right." You nodded making him chuckle you walked in and froze to a middle aged man in a blue jacket with a suit case.

"Merlin's beard... Do not tell me that's--" "Happy early birthday, this is Mr. Newt Scamander." Lucius said. "Gah.... I... I..." Your mind seemed to just freeze. "Is she having a stroke-- is she okay?" Newt worried. "No! No! I'm okay I just... Wow you're standing here in front of-- Niffler!?" You said making him raise a bow. You slipped past him, scooping up the magical creature and tickling it to get it to empty its pouch. Pens and coins toppled out and you chuckled. "Come on, there's more than that." You said before a pen dropped to the floor. Newt rose a brow, as you handed him the niffler. "He's a little devil this one, thank you." He said putting him in the suitcase. "So I suspect you know why I'm here?" Newt asked. "Uh... I apologize, I actually don't." You said. "Oh. Well I'm here to train you." He said. "Sorry what?" You asked. "I am here to take you on as an apprentice where you will study animals and eventually go into the field you'd like." He further explained. "I see... Wow.. uhm.. thank you Lucius." You said. "No need, he's heard of you." Lucius said. "Wait what-- seriously!?" You gaped. "It's not every day you hear of a student taming a dragon." Newt said. "I... I am rendered speechless I am so sorry." You said. "I'm quite anxious around people too, don't worry. Why don't you change into some pants and we'll begin work in the....?" He looked over to Lucius. "...Patio is fine." Lucius said. "Patio!" Newt nodded.

You basically sprinted for your room, changing as quickly as possible when Draco walked in. "Woah there, careful, what's going on?" Draco asked. "Newt Scamander is taking me on as an apprentice!" You said as you slid on pants. "Darling that's fantastic!" Draco said with a smile. "We're beginning work now, I am way too excited Merlin’s beard!" You said putting on a shirt. "Good luck!" He said. You nodded and ran out the door. He chuckled to himself and grabbed a book before feeling a hand on his shoulder he turned around and you kissed him before running off. "Love you!" You said. "Love you too!" He laughed.

You ran outside, dressing almost like Hermione when you two would hang out. Actually you were 95% sure this shirt was Hermoine’s. "Alright let's do this!" You said excitedly. He nodded and opened the suitcase before climbing into it. You stared at it for a minute before his hand popped out motioning for you to go down. You climbed down, seeing a small shack. "Woah... How come you never included this in your book?" You asked. "I didn't want to include it because my book ended up amongst the muggles as well." Newt said. "Ah." You nodded. "Hand me the bucket next to you dear." He said. You picked it up and he hacked a piece of meat into pieces. You noticed a picture near the door and you rose a brow. "Who's that?" You asked. "Hmm? Oh... An old friend." He said. You nodded and looked around at the tables, with scattered work supplies. "Alright. Let us begin." He said opening the wooden door. You walked through it and were met with various magical creatures, making you gape. "Wow." Was all you could muster out. He walked to a large creature, a glowing forehead. "Is this an Erumpent?" You asked. "Hmm? Yes, be careful the--" "Venom makes people explode." You said stepping back. He nodded. "You know a lot about this already." He noticed. "I read your book and worked with Charlie Weasley." You said looking at the mooncalves. He handed you pellets and you fed them with a smile. "Do you mind holding the niffler while I handle the Occamies?" He asked. You nodded and he handed you the small little guy, it staring up at you. You smiled and pet it, it nuzzling into your hand. "He seems to like you." Newt noticed. "Hmm?" You asked. "the Niffler, it likes you." Newt said. "Oh... He's a cute little guy." You said with a smile. You handed him back and Newt took him. "Every day you will be given an interaction with a new magical creature. Sometimes it will be in the case, other times it will not be." Newt explained. You nodded. "If you happen upon a creature that is to be in this case that isn't here please let me know or handle it with caution before bringing it to the case." He warned. "It happens often?" You asked. "No amount of locks can stop a Niffler." Newt said looking at him. You noticed a little green figure holding onto his jacket. "Hi there." You said softly. It retreated behind his coat's collar. "Pickett she's going to be here a while, you need to make friends." He said. Pickett slowly peaked his head out and you smiled. "A bowtruckle? Aren't they introverted?" You asked. "Yes they are, I must ask: were you a hufflepuff?" He asked. "Yes, how'd you know?" You asked. "I am too." He said pointing to the scarf on a rack. "you would think Hagrid would mention this." You laughed. He smiled and put down the now empty bucket. "Alright. Time for your first interaction. The Demiguise. What do you know about it?" He asked. "They can turn invisible and they're herbivores, aren't they?" You asked. "Yes." Newt nodded. He allowed one to climb up his arm before motioning for it to go to you. It climbed back to the floor, it climbing up your side like a sloth. You smiled. "Hi there." You said softly. It seemed to almost hug you. "did you name any of the creatures besides Pickett?" You asked. "Oh yes. All of them have names... Except for the Niffler that was near you earlier, he's a younger one." Newt said. "You should name him Bandit. It makes sense because of the--" "Stealing, how clever." Newt nodded. "What do you think, hmm?" He asked the Niffler. It seemed to have a positive response to the name. "Bandit." He nodded. "This is such a calm creature... Why would anyone ever want to hurt it?" You asked. "to make invisibility cloaks." Newt said with a frown. "Some times I think the biggest monsters are people." You muttered. "I share that sentiment." He agreed. You heard a knock and rose a brow. Newt slipped past you. "What's the Demiguise's name?" You asked. "Dougal." He answered before disappearing into the room. You smiled, looking at Dougal. "You're so soft... You almost remind me of a sloth." You muttered. Newt popped his head back out. "Dinner is ready." Newt said. "Wait, it's been that long?" You asked. Newt nodded and the Demiguise climbed down. You both walked out and you rose a brow. "Uh... Was the Niffler supposed to follow?" You asked as you noticed the Niffler on the patio table. "Bandit. No." Newt warned. It scurried off. "That's not good." You muttered before both of you booked it. You walked the hallway to the bedroom and frowned. "Y/n? Did Marie tell you that dinner was served or--" "Yes I'm coming I just.... Wait. Where's the box?" You asked. "What?" Draco asked. "The thimble box-- he was here-- Bandit!" You called. Draco rose a brow as you walked into your bedroom. You stopped in the doorway looking around. "What are you looking for?" Draco asked. "The niffler-- FOUND IT! NEWT!" you called. Newt sprinted down the hall to find it on your dresser trying to hold still. You sprinted to it catching it before it could run off. You tickled it and a bunch of shiny things hit the floor. "Bandit, come on... We know there's more." You said before a couple of other things hit the floor. "He's good." You said giving Bandit back. Draco rose a brow as you all walked to the dining room. "So... Why was there a Niffler in our room?" Draco asked. "A lock can't stop a Niffler." Newt said, referring to what he said to you earlier. "Okayy?" Draco said confused. "I'm going to put him back in the case, tell your father please." Newt said.

You sat at the table and Draco smiled looking at you. "Excited for your 19th birthday?" Marie asked. " I guess." You shrugged. "come on, you'll probably get to see Thomas!" She said. You smiled to yourself as Newt took a seat. "Your birthday is tomorrow?" He asked. "Yep." You shrugged. "not a fan?" Newt asked. "if you knew my father you'd get it." You shrugged. "Maybe I do, what's his name?" Newt asked. "Henry L/n." You shrugged. Newt's face dropped. "You know him?" Marie asked. "Very cruel hearted. Very angry." He said. "Yes, that sums him up perfectly." You said. " His wife was always kind, Dalia correct?" He asked. "Yes. She passed ten years ago." Marie said. "Oh... I'm sorry." Newt said. "It's alright. Mother was wonderful." You said. Narcissa noticed your eyes, them seeming to glaze over. "So, what about your brother, what's he like?" Lucius asked, hoping to catch your attention. You stayed silent though, deep in thought. "Y/n?" Draco asked softly. You snapped out of your fog. "Sorry, what was your question?" You asked. "your brother Thomas, what's he like?" Lucius asked. "Think of me, but male." You said. "Oh boy." Draco said making Marie chuckle. You rolled your eyes. " When is the engagement party?" You asked. "Two weeks." Narcissa said. "Who would you like to invite?" Lucius asked. "Well... Harry potter is a dear friend. And the Weasley's are like family. So is Hermione..." You said. "hmm. I'll invite them then."Lucius nodded. "You got along with Ron?" Draco asked. "Sometimes. He did get a little annoying fourth year though." You said. "Most of the time I've heard you talking about the Weasley's it was talking about Fred and George." Marie said. "They're like my brothers, Thomas loves them." You admitted. "Molly did always love you, as did Arthur." Marie nodded. "Did they know about... Your father?" Narcissa asked. "Yes. Y/n would often hide there to escape." Marie said. You took a long sip of water. "I see. So you all were really close."

"NO I DON'T WANT TO GO!" You could hear your screams in your mind making you swallow your water.

"LET GO OF ME!" you remembered, making you clear your throat.

You let out a small shaking breath which Draco heard. "May we be excused?" He asked looking at you. Lucius noticed the look in your eyes and nodded. Draco took your hand, helping you out of your seat before leaving the adults to speak. "Henry hurt that girl didn't he?" Newt asked. "Yes. According to Draco there's scars." Lucius nodded. "All of us have them.. except for the males." Marie said. "What?" Narcissa asked. "Father wanted sons. He wasn't a fan of a largely female household." Marie said. "I will admit though, Y/n usually took the beatings the worst though. She usually took them for the triplets." Marie explained. "triplets?" Lucius asked. "Yes. There was Elizabeth, the eldest, Joanna the second eldest, me, Y/n then the triplets, Susan, Lila and Elise." Marie said. "I see... Then three sons, correct?" Lucius asked. "Yes." She nodded. "Y/n herself is a triplet isn't she?" Narcissa asked. "Yes. Charles, Thomas and her are triplets. Joanna and Phillip are twins." Marie said. "Are multiple children such as twins common amongst your family?" Lucius asked. "Just in our home. Not sure why." She shrugged. "All the more to love though!" She chuckled. "Do you have any children?" Narcissa asked. "No, I'm afraid I'm incapable." Marie said. "Goodness. I'm so sorry." Narcissa said. "It's alright. My husband and I plan on adopting after the next move." She said. "Best of luck to you." Newt said. "thank you." She nodded.

You paced. "Why does my anxiety have to plague me at the dinner table, why?" You groaned. "Y/n, you're fine, father understands." Draco said softly. "I want to be normal. Why can't I be normal!?" You asked. "Because you're extraordinary." Draco said. "...Your positivity is both reassuring and annoying." You sighed before hugging him. He held you close, kissing your head. "I really do wish you'd be a bit more excited over your birthday though." Draco said. "What, is something happening that day?" You asked. "Darling you act like you've never actually..." He looked at you. "You've never celebrated a birthday have you?" Draco asked. "I have. With the Weasley's." You muttered. "Well this time you have a loving fiancée and your personal hero to keep you company." Draco said. You smiled. "Okay okay... I guess it's not... So bad but no cake, I'm actually not a fan of cake." You said. "Ah. Noted. Let's go to bed... After we put back what that Niffler thing tried to take." Draco said with a laugh.

You woke up in the middle of the night, not daring to wake Draco. You sat on the terrace, staring at the stars. You noticed the clock on the dresser hit twelve and you sighed. "Happy birthday to me" you murmured. You noticed Newt with a creature walking through the night and smiled. Maybe just maybe this birthday wouldn't be so bad.

You finally went back to bed and slept soundly for the rest of the night. Although the next morning you woke up with Draco carrying you breakfast. "Morning dear." He said. "What the-- what's this?" You asked. "Breakfast-- don't worry I didn't cook it." He assured. You laughed. "Thank you." You said kissing him. You both ate and laughed at stupid jokes before getting dressed. "I should go see if Newt needs anything before doing anything." You said. "Actually he's expecting you elsewhere." Draco said. "What do you have planned?" You asked. "You will see." Draco said with a smile. You rolled your eyes as you followed Draco. "I swear, I'm going to assume you've held the damn girl captive Marie with the way you're treating this!" You heard a voice say. "Is that--" "Thomas, relax the boy she's engaged to loves her and cares for her." Marie said. You opened the door and your eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. Draco smiled as Thomas hugged you. "It's been too long!" He said. "You've otherwise gotten taller or I'm getting shorter." Thomas said making you laugh. "I've missed you! How's Delilah?" You asked. "Oh, she's lovely, she says hello she'll be here for the wedding along with the children." Thomas said. He noticed Draco and rose a brow. "Hello." Draco greeted. Thomas shook his hand before you noticed a glint. "Oh no." You sighed. "What's with you?" Thomas asked. "I think--" "WHAT IN THE BLAZES IS THAT!?" Narcissa screamed making Draco jump. You facepalmed. "Newt really needs a new locking device." You sighed before running out. You looked for the Demiguise, knowing damn well that Dougal probably turned invisible when Narcissa was frightened. "Dougal. Sweetie, I'm here." You said softly, looking for the slight disfigurement of it's invisibility. Finally you noticed it and picked it up. Dougal dropped the invisibility and you kissed it's head. "I'm here little guy. Let's find Newt okay?" You said. You walked with Dougal in your arms leaving Draco and Thomas both gaping at your calmness to the strange creature wrapped around you. "Newt! I found Dougal." You said. "What-- Oh goodness he must've slipped past." Newt said. You gave Dougal to Newt. "Oh Y/n, I'm actually glad you're here I have something for you." He said. You rose a brow as he pulled out Bandit. "Uh..." You paused. "He's yours. He has literally been found in your room four times this morning." Newt said. "How did I not wake up?" You asked. "No clue. Your fiancée screamed at one point after he saw him sleeping on your head." Newt said. "I'll keep him safe, don't worry." You said with a smile. "Hi Pickett." You greeted the small bowtruckle on Newt's coat. It peaked out and you smiled. "Morning-- Oh boy the small visitor is back." Draco said looking at the Niffler. "He's now your fiancée's, and yes they can be trained." Newt said. "Heard that you screamed this morning?" You asked Draco as Bandit seemed to perch on your shoulder. "Oh goodness did he! He also fell off the bed." Marie laughed. "Okay, not everyone wakes up and expects to see that next to them!" Draco said. "Oh yes. Bandit is sooo terrifying." You laughed. Thomas smiled and Draco shook his head. "He just likes shiny stuff but I think I can keep him from going ballistic over everything here." You said with a smile. The Niffler nuzzled into your touch making you smile. "Oh, father also has something for you." Draco said. "What? But he's already done so much?" You said confused. "Yes well, you are quickly becoming a favorite around here." Draco said kissing your head. You smiled and put the Niffler on Draco's shoulder. "Uhhh--" "He stays with us now, you'll have to be aquatinted eventually love." You said. Draco nodded and looked at the creature as you walked to the study. "Hello?" He said to him. Bandit cocked his head to the side confused by this new person.

You knocked on the door. "Come in." Lucius said. You walked in and he nodded. "Draco said you needed me." You said. He pushed a box forward making you raise a brow. "Open it." He said. You nodded and opened the box to see a Malfoy family ring resting in it. You looked at him and then the box. "This is a family ring." You said. "Yes. We wear these proudly and you are apart of our family now Y/n." He said. You smiled and slid it on your finger. "Thank you." You said. "You're wel--" you hugged Lucius catching him off guard. He slowly hugged you back and you pulled away. "Thank you. For everything." You said softly. "You're very welcome Y/n." He said. You heard Draco running. "Slow down! If he knows you're chasing him he'll just get crafty with hiding!" Newt warned. You facepalmed and walked out to find Bandit crawling up your pants leg. "He went to find Y/n!" Thomas said. "Oh now that's just precious." Marie said. You smiled, petting the creature before Thomas noticed the ring. "that's a family ring." He said. "Mmhmm." You nodded looking at him. "You're fitting in nicely here..." Thomas said. "You're going all brother on me again Thomas, I'm safe here I promise." You said softly. "As long as they are keeping father away from you." Thomas said. "They are Tommy." Marie said.

You all sat around in the garden. "how is Phillip?" You asked, using a coin to keep Bandit at bay. " Violet is pregnant." Thomas said. "Finally!" Marie said. "first child... How mad has he gone?" You asked. "Baby proofing EVERYTHING." Thomas laughed. Draco smiled as he sat next to you. "Tell me, have you been treating my sister well?" Thomas asked. "Yes Thomas. He has" you said with an eye roll. "I have. I love your sister." He said looking at you. "If you hurt her, mental or physical just know there's eight siblings who can and will kill you." He threatened. Draco looked at you. "If I ever did any of that I'd kill myself." Draco said. Thomas rose a brow. "... Good answer." Thomas said. "So... Marie tells me you two have gotten close" Thomas said. "Yes Thomas. Come on quit interrogating them--" "How close are we talkin' here?" He asked looking at Draco, practically searing holes into him. "...Uhm.." Draco looked really uncomfortable. "Thomas." You sighed. "I love her. Truly." Draco said. "Yes, tell me a fun fact about knowing my sister then. When was the first time you noticed her?" Thomas asked. Bandit chased the coin in a small circle. "The Yule ball in our fourth year." He admitted making all movement from you stop. "What?" You asked. "The Yule ball. You went with Fred because neither of you had dates, he was waiting by the steps, when you came down in a black dress." Draco said. "Y... You actually noticed?" You gaped. "how could I not? You were beautiful." Draco said with a smile. You continued to play with the coin and Bandit continued playing. "... I'll trust you. For now. One slip up though and I'm putting your corpse in a dumpster." Thomas said. Draco cleared his throat. "I didn't think you knew I existed." You admitted. "I knew. I noticed you in our second year when during Christmas you sat with me and said Merry Christmas." He reminded. "... No offense darling. But why'd you act like such an ass then?" You asked. "Because I didn't handle my feelings well. I was a child who took house wars WAY too seriously." Draco reminded. "Truth was I wanted to know you but I just didn't voice it properly." He admitted. "So. How did you not recognize that I was in the middle of that petty rivalry?" You asked. "I knew. And for the most part I tried to keep you out of it. I took a lot more hits than you remember." Draco said. "How so?" Thomas asked. "The fight in the bathroom. It started because it was about you. I asked Blaise, who by the way was the reason for a lot of the 'wrong place, wrong time' crap, to keep you out of it. He called me a Blood traitor, next thing I knew I punched him." Draco explained. Then it REALLY registered. All of the times you were in the center of crap, Blaise was the one who put you there. He always would slip it into your mind before hand. "I did care. But again, in school I was an ass who didn't want to admit that." Draco said. You kissed him and he smiled. "What was that for?" Draco asked. "Always looking out for me." You said with a smile. Thomas gagged and Marie rolled her eyes, dragging him off as she got up. "Why am I being dragged!?" Thomas asked. "Let's leave them alone for a bit!" Marie said shoving him inside.

You laughed and Bandit crawled into your lap, tired from chasing the coin. " Looks like you tired him out." Draco said. "Yep. I did that on purpose." You said with a smile. Draco pulled out a small box and you blinked. "Draco, you didn't need to get me anything." You said. "Hmm. But I did." He said. You opened it and smiled. "It's a locket... Draco it's beautiful." You said softly. Draco kissed you and you smiled. "Happy birthday darling." Draco said softly.

You ended up having fun for the most part, Draco enjoying seeing you with a smile. You'd have a few spaced out moments but overall you enjoyed the day. "So how's taking care of Bandit?" Newt asked. "I've figured out a way to tire him out and he now sleeps in my sock drawer." You said making Lucius raise a brow. "Have you enjoyed your birthday dear?" Narcissa asked. "For the first time I can actually say yes." You said with a smile. "I'm glad. We do enjoy seeing you happy here Y/n, you deserve to be." She said. "Joanna sent me a letter, she says happy birthday you two." Marie said sitting down. "How are the triplets?" You asked. "They're all taking up some interests." Marie said. "Elise's is literature isn't it?" You asked. "Yes, who would've thought that she picked up a trait from the sibling who impacted her the most?" Marie asked sarcastically. "Do the triplets not live with your father?" Draco asked. "No, Joanna took them after she moved." Thomas answered. "Thank goodness." Lucius nodded. "How's Jacob?" You asked making Newt nearly choke. "Newt, are you alright?" You asked. "Yes. Yes I'm fine." He nodded. Wrong Jacob, Newt. "He's well." Marie nodded. "Does your sister have children?" Lucius asked. "No, she's unable sir." Marie answered. "Is this a common thing amongst the women?" Narcissa asked. "Yes. But we've already made sure that Y/n is perfectly able to have children." Marie said. Draco smiled to himself thinking of the idea of you being a mother. "What is your other brother like?" Lucius asked Thomas. "Hmm? Oh Phillip? He's stern but at the end of the day would protect us from whatever would try to hurt us. He was father's favorite." Thomas answered. "Will you be staying with us?" Lucius asked. "if you don't mind." Thomas said. "Not at all. Newt did you sleep well last night in the cabin?" Lucius asked. "Yes, thank you. You rose a brow. "We have a cabin?" You asked. "Yes, more like a cottage really." Narcissa answered before a knock was heard. Lucius walked out and you took a sip of water. "I'm glad today has been great dear, it's always nice to see you with a smile." Narcissa said. "There she is!" A familiar female voice said making you stand up. "Molly!" You said with a smile. She hugged you as did the twins. "I invited them for dinner. After all this day should be celebrated with your family." Lucius said nodding to you. You smiled as Fred and George sat on your left. "Wait then that means--" "This place is huge." Ron gaped. "Ron!" Hermione and Ginny both hushed. "Well I mean he's not wrong." Harry said. Draco looked at Lucius with a "you couldn't have told me sooner!?" Look. "Harry!" You said with a smile. "Y/n! How's being engaged-- Christ we're getting old." He grimaced as he realized how adult that sounded. You laughed and Ginny hugged you. "It's been great actually, this is actually feels like home now." You answered making Lucius smile. "We're glad you're away from Henry." Arthur said sitting down. "Thomas, happy birthday to you too." Molly said. "Thank you Molly." he said with a smile. "How are all of you?" You asked. "Welllll..." Molly looked at Ginny. "Harry and I are engaged." Ginny said making you gasp. "Blazes-- congratulations!" You said. "So is Ron and Hermione." Harry said. You laughed. "You sure you can put up him that long?" You asked her making Hermione snort. "I'm not deaf!" Ron said. "We know." Everyone said in unison. You smiled before noticing something behind Newt. "Crap." You muttered. Draco noticed it too and he stood up. "You flank left, I'll go right." He said. Newt rose a brow as both of you cornered the Niffler. Bandit slipped past you though and you both exchanged a "Crap." Look before both of you chased after it. "What in the world?" Molly asked. "I gifted Y/n a niffler this morning. It appears to have waken up from it's nap." Newt said. "Wait, you're Newt Scamander!" Hermione said. "What like our old text book?" Ron asked. "Yes!" She said. "Oh. Hey! I knew that!" Ron said making Fred laugh. There was a loud noise followed by a "GOT HIM!" making Harry almost snort.

But it was the state that Draco returned that made everyone almost die of laughter. He was soaked. Or at least the top half of him was. "....What happened?" Narcissa asked, also trying to contain laughter. "He turned on the bath while I was chasing him." Draco said, dripping. Lucius nearly snorted as you walked out unscathed and the niffler resting on your shoulder. "Sh-shall we adjourn to the day room?" Narcissa asked trying not to laugh. "May I change... Please?" Draco asked. "Mmhmm." Lucius nodded. The second the door closed all of you started laughing. "I swear, Bandit almost seems to be taunting Draco." You laughed. "Right on little man." Fred said as he stood up, looking at the Niffler.

You all sat around, exchanging Hogwarts stories. Some making you laugh as you sat next to Draco (who was now dry.) You were happy, truly so. A smile never disappeared, especially now that it felt like your family was here. Draco even seemed to be civil with Harry, the two of them almost looking back at the past few years with amusement. Newt made sure the Niffler was put up for the rest of the night, noticing a tired expression. You were exhausted from all of the interaction, your head falling onto Draco's shoulder. He stopped talking, looking over at your sleeping face and smiled. "I'll be back to see you off." Draco said before lifting you up and carrying you out. He kissed your head, noticing again that the Niffler managed to get in here again but choosing to ignore the creature as it chose to rest on pillow near your head.

Draco did see them off, thanking them for being there for you. Molly smiled as they walked. "He's become a fine young man." She said. "Indeed." Arthur agreed. "Definitely more bearable than from what he was in school." Harry said. "Seems to really love Y/n." Hermione said. "He seems absolutely smitten." Ginny chuckled. "I'm worried about that." George said. "Why?" Molly asked. "What's Henry going to think?" Fred asked. Arthur nodded knowingly. "I see what you mean. But by this point it's out of his hands." Arthur said. "Hmm? How so?" George asked. "An arrangement like this would require the male's consent. The engagement can't be called off unless Draco chooses to." Arthur shrugged. "Thank God." Fred and George said in unison.

The next few weeks were dedicated to the wedding, dress after dress, flower after flower. Your escape lied with Newt and Draco, studying animals and spending time with Draco. Now the family was here in the manor, your father staying under the same roof making it hard to focus on anything. You wouldn't leave Draco's side, not once. Dinner would be painfully awkward with both of your brothers now drilling holes into Draco. Your sisters would try to get them to stop but your father would be making subtle jabs towards any confidence you may have built. Finally it was a day before the wedding and you were a mess. Stupid rules say that you were to not see Draco until the wedding. "are you excited?" Narcissa asked. "Yes. I just wish I could see him now." You sighed as you took a sip of tea. "I'm just glad it's out of father's hands now." Joanna mumbled. "Me too." You nodded. "I feel like he's lurking around every corner." Marie said with a sigh. "It's like we're always walking on thin ice or something." Elise murmured. "This whole week has stressed Draco out." You said. "Why?" Marie asked. "Why? Well let's see, we've got a man who's straight out of a fucking Lovecraft novel roaming about, we have my brothers mentally killing him in their minds, you have my step mother who lurks like a snake through the halls and the occasional animal getting lose." You said with a sigh as Bandit played with Sophia. "I just want to spend time with Draco. Is that bad?" You asked. "You've been jittery all week, I suppose he's like a comfort to you." Joanna said. "Jittery?" Narcissa asked. "She's been anxious all week. Lot of pacing." Joanna said. "Draco has been doing that all morning." Narcissa chuckled. "Really?" You asked. "Yes, he's been rambling all morning about you, saying he wants to make you happy" Narcissa said. All of the women made audible coos and you chuckled. "I love that man." You sighed. "I just wish I could SEE him. Like why the hell would you separate us?" You grumbled. "Funny, about a month ago you would've begged for this to happen." Narcissa teased. "Har. Har." You laughed dryly. You sighed and noticed a hippogriff through the window. "Shit." You said. "What-- What in Merlin's Beard is that!?" Joanna asked before you got up, rolling up your sleeves. "A hippogriff" you said before walking out.

Draco sighed. He never realized how much of his daily routine now revolved around you until he had to be separated from you. He bit into an apple before looking up at a looming shape to see a hippogriff. "...Fuck." he mumbled looking at it. It seemed to growl, watching his movements. What is it that you did that day that made it calm down before!? "uh... Nice bird... Thing?" He said confused. It got closer before you jumped in front of it. "Eli, eyes on me!" You said. It attempted to look at Draco but you snapped your fingers. "Eyes on me!" You said sternly. "Eli, it's me... Focus. Focus." You said soothingly. "Draco, bow." You instructed. He nodded and bowed to it, the hippogriff reciprocating the sentiment. "Good boy. Let's go find Newt." You said softly. You looked at Draco. "Wanna sneak off with me?" You asked. "Absolutely." Draco nodded. You both walked along side the creature to the patio. Newt now usually worked there but you were met with your father. "Fuck." You mumbled. "Ah. You." He said looking at you. "Father." You said. Eli seemed to not like the presence of him. "Uh oh." You mumbled watching Eli gear up. "Father bow." You said. "Excuse me?" He asked. "Bow! To the creature it will attack if you don't!" You warned. "I will not--" Eli reared up making it jump back until Newt intervened. "Into the case!" He said guiding him into it. He locked the case and sighed. "That thing needs to be put down." Henry said with a hiss. "That thing wouldn't have attacked if you would've listened!" Draco said. "Careful with that mouth boy." He said. "I tried to warn you." You said with a frown before noticing a Demiguise. "Newt how long has your case been unlocked?" You asked. "I'm not sure why?" You asked. "Dougal is in a tree." You said. Newt sighed and walked over to the tree. "These pests are a nuisance." Your father grumbled. "These 'pests' are amazing and if you had half a mind you'd see that!" You snapped. Your father scowled at you and seemed to gear up to hit you before a cane stopped him. "Touch her and the ministry will find out about your deeds Henry." Lucius warned. Henry scoffed. Your sisters came outside to see the commotion along with Narcissa. "You will do no such thing" your father said. "He can, and he will if he has evidence." Joanna said. "Shut your mouth--" "No! We have dealt with this enough Father! We're done!" Marie snapped. "Get out." Lucius said. "If I do, this is off." He threatened. No. No no-- "This is out of your hands Henry. I'm the one that officially initiated the engagement I'd have to be the one to call it off." Draco said, putting a protective arm around you. "Boy, you don't--" "Touch him and I will return nineteen years of favors, GET. OUT." You snapped making everyone surprised. He shook his head. "I am your father--" "You are a monster. There is a difference. I won't tell you again. Leave." You said. He scoffed before calling after your step mother. It ended with a loud slam of the front door making you take a long breath of relief. "It's over!" Joanna gaped. "Are you alright?" Lucius asked. "I am now." You said looking at Draco. He kissed your head and Thomas sighed. "We approve." Phillip finally said. "That's what it took?" You asked. "Yes, you passed, congrats." Thomas said. "...Thank you?"

Ultimately they decided not to do the traditional thing and separate you, you both spending the rest of the time together. However there was a strict "NO SLEEPING IN THE SAME ROOM" thing going on. It ultimately resulted in you sleeping in a room with your sisters. You wanted actual peace though and still snuck out, Draco doing the same. You both looked at the stars until both of you fell asleep. "Where did they go!?" Narcissa asked. "Found them." Lucius said motioning to you asleep against Draco. His arm was wrapped around you and your Niffler was on his lap asleep. "... We're using this against them later right?" Narcissa asked. "Oh most definitely." Lucius nodded.

You were woken up, forced to change into the dress you all decided on before Marie did your hair. "Any last thoughts?" You asked. "Yes. Keep doing what you're doing and you'll be just fine." Joanna said with a smile. You nodded and Marie used the last hair pin. "You're all set." She said. You sucked in a breath and nodded. Narcissa left to get Lucius. "I'm getting married." You realized. "To Draco." Joanna said. "Who loves you." Marie reminded. Lucius opened the door and smiled. "You look beautiful." He said softly. You smiled and took his arm. "Thank you." You nodded. You swallowed down your anxieties. "Any advice?" You asked. "We're all fools in love." He quoted. You rose a brow as your siblings walked out.  "was that... Pride and prejudice?" You asked. "Indeed." He said with a smile. You walked forward to the door outside and your heart pounded. "Are you prepared for what's to come?" Lucius asked. "...No. but when are we ever?" You asked. Lucius nodded and the doors opened.

The air hit you and Draco stood ready, waiting for you to walk out. When you actually did Thomas was pretty sure he was going to pass out. "Holy. Shit." He mumbled. The Reverend eyed him and he cleared his throat stating at you. Lucius walked you to the end with a smile. "Today I've gained a daughter." He said. "Thank you father." You said making his smile wider as he sat next to Narcissa. You looked at Draco and he smiled. You didn't even hear half of whatever the Reverend was saying. You both said your vows, sliding on the silver bands that represented the union. "I now pronounce you husband and wife." He said. Draco kissed you with a smile.

Not a single soul was there with a straight face, all of them smiling. This love was pure and lovely, simple and plain for all to see. The coming years would provide interesting times, Newt's passing being a strange one when his suit case was left to you, as was the little bowtruckle known as Pickett that never left your side. When you had children they learned from what you did, breaking off from tradition as time passed. You sat in the study reading when your youngest daughter walked in. "Yes darling?" Draco asked making you look up. "For a school project I have to tell the story of my family so..." She sat down next to you. "....How did you two meet?" She asked. You and Draco exchanged smiles.

"That's a funny story..."

[night-filled-mountain]

Out of nowhere and apropos of nothing, a rambling incoherent list of things about Nott and Nott-and-Caleb that give me Feelings.

On Veth Brenatto/Nott the Brave:

Nott’s entire life is all about seeing/presenting herself as less than she is.

She was bullied as a child, by her brothers and the neighborhood boys.

Then she was a contented housewife and mother, but always saw herself as second to Yeza--a support figure, depending on him, learning from him, not even necessarily deserving of his love.

“Not pretty and not brave and not coordinated and not smart and just...not.”

“He didn’t mind my strangeness...He was a brilliant chemist. I helped him and he took care of me.”

(When she reunites with Yeza, she undermines her ‘dabblings’ in alchemy in comparison to his apparent brilliance.) (Yeza himself disagrees.)

When she does acknowledge her strengths, she also acknowledges their origins, and they are either very sad (“I’ve been chased a lot in my life by boys making fun of me. I’m pretty fast.”) or serve to highlight someone else’s assistance and forethought (“a vial of acid that Yeza handed me”).

The transformation she was forced to undergo was a curse straight out of a fairy tale. It made her what she thought she was, and forced her to appreciate what she had been, but it was too late. (“But you’re so pretty!” / “I was.”)

But her whole life is about other people turning her into things, isn’t it? The bullies made her a victim, Yeza made her a wife/mother/alchemist’s assistant, and the goblins and their mystery woman made her a monster.

She was someone beautiful who could not see her beauty, someone wildly unique and “strange” who could not embrace her strangeness and flaunt it without apology...

...Until she was turned into a goblin.

Being a goblin has been so weirdly freeing for Nott. She felt that she had hit rock bottom, and in many ways, she just...let go. No more struggling to fit into social norms. No more squeezing into boxes of other people’s making. The Nott we know has always fought and shrieked, drunk to excess, stolen anything she admired, openly shared all her most outrageous suggestions, shown off her weird collections without shame.

I’m not saying all of this is healthy! Some of it is clearly coping mechanisms, and dangerous ones at that. And Sam has stated that he sees some of her excesses as being related to her goblin physiology, which emphasizes once again that this role, like all of Nott/Veth’s previous roles, is one that was forced on her. But. But.

So much of it (I would even say that “all of it” is a valid interpretation) is really just...Veth. Just Veth dialed up to eleven, without the constraints. Is she embodying a stereotypical view of goblins, or is she just letting herself be angry, messy, hedonistic, and weird for the first time in a short, sad life in which other people made her smaller than she was until she learned to do the same thing to herself?

Nott wants her true body back. She wants to be a halfling again. But she is not at all sure she wants to “go back.” To Felderwin. To her old life with the husband and son she loves. Of course she isn’t sure.

Because she’s grown so much bigger than that. Bigger and stronger and louder and messier than anything she used to be. Bigger than all the boxes she used to occupy. Bigger than anything Yeza or Luc can quite understand, because they weren’t there by her side, watching it happen.

On Nott and Caleb:

Nott defines herself by the people around her. She always has.

She met Caleb in that jail cell, saw him as small and weak and needy, and jumped at the chance to occupy a familiar role again: mother.

...Except that it was never that simple. That’s the piece that, for me, was missing from their relationship for so long. The piece that fell into place when Nott’s (former?) crush on Caleb was revealed, and made it all fit together. It was never that simple.

She wanted something from him. Veth never seems to have dared to want things from the people around her--she lived to serve her loved ones, to help and protect them. But Caleb? She wanted his magic. She wanted him to help her. And she didn’t tell him, not for the longest time. Call it ruthless, call it manipulative, or just call it a very understandable cocktail of hope and panic and shame--but it was her goal, her desire, and it meant that no matter how much she cared for Caleb and protected him, their relationship was never All About Him. She was playing her own angle the whole time. And also...

She was attracted to him. This was a fact that she absolutely could not acknowledge, because it was transgressive in so many ways. Extramarital attraction. A hideous, monstrous goblin attracted to a “handsome” human. A lifelong sidekick/helpmate/bit player in her own life daring to want a “great wizard” not only for his magic (that, at least, was permissible, because it could return her to her proper place, to her home and family; it could restore the status quo), but for his body, mind, and soul. She looked at him in that cell, in the moonlight streaming through the bars, and she wanted. And gods know it wasn’t because he ever invited her to.

(Though he didn’t scorn the idea either. I keep thinking about the scene with Keg in Shadycreek Run where she mistook them for a romantic couple and Caleb defiantly rolled with it. I even think about that early episode where Liam inadvertently used a German term of endearment for her that had romantic connotations. And the way they always slept cuddled together, and she rode on his shoulders, and they have always, always celebrated every aspect of each other--body, mind, and soul.)

But the point is that Nott’s relationship with Caleb is not one that he defined. She was always the stronger of the two; she called the shots. It was she who chose to be his “mother,” and the twin secret desires that burned deep down in her heart were entirely her own.)

On Nott and character development (ok, I just wanted to break up the bullet points a little, because goodness, this has gotten long):

...And she fundamentally did not know how to handle that. So she kept those desires buried, kept them secret. She tried to move back into her comfort zone, letting others define her and her relationships, going along with their assumptions without protest.

It is fascinating to me that the other players and characters and the viewers spent much of the campaign assuming Nott was a child. And she just...let it happen.

“I’m of child-bearing age,” she said when Jester asked, but even then, some of us (myself included, I confess!) just mentally aged her up to a rebellious teen.

To a man who she regarded simultaneously as a son, a love interest, and a tool for her own redemption, she was seen as a daughter or a little sister...and she went along with it in so many ways. It’s the lie she embodied from the first moment Sam introduced her, and referred to her as “a little goblin girl.”

Nott has always made herself lesser than she is...or let other people do so. She is so used to being diminished and self-diminishing, so leery of her own messy desires, that she would not even insist on her own adulthood until...until.

Nott’s heroic moments--the moments when she fully unleashes her own courage and strength and anger--are always the moments when her loved ones are in danger. She is the classic self-sacrificing wife/mother figure, whose self-dimmed light only shines out when others need it to.

Like when she fought the goblins and helped Yeza and Luc escape.

Like when Fjord threatened Caleb, and the others were all turning on him, and she needed to assert her own right and ability to protect him. (“But I am the parent, you do realize that, don’t you?”)

Like when she led the lizardfolk away from the others on Urukaxl. Like all the times she dove into the water for Fjord. Like when she didn’t disengage from the dragon.

“Nott the Brave” has so many layers--an ironic, self-mocking epithet, a badge of honor, and a promise to be brave for others. Only for others.

Because then it’s not really her bravery, is it? It’s borrowed from her loved ones. She is a coward who is occasionally made into something else by the brighter, stronger, worthier people she surrounds herself with.

“Self-diminishing” and “being defined by others” are the absolute fundamental cornerstones of Nott’s character. And this is both reinforced and very much complicated by her recent status as a goblin and her relationship with Caleb. (...You know how sometimes you don’t figure out your thesis statement until halfway through the essay?)

On Nott and Caleb, part 2:

The M9′s trip to Felderwin changed everything--everything--for her and for him and for the two of them. It was one of the most staggering turning points of the entire campaign.

I’ve written about this before. How one of the central “Will they or won’t they?”s of the campaign was about Caleb and Nott deciding to trust the group, and that was the point where it was resolved...

...and how, in trusting the group, they sacrificed their codependence to a large degree. How Nott’s infamous “Fuck him!” was less about anger, in the long run, than about taking her best friend off the pedestal she’d put him on, about acknowledging his fallibility, and being comfortable openly disagreeing with him.

It was about Nott becoming her own person, and Caleb learning to see her as her own person, and not just his “little friend” or protector.

But. But. It still followed the pattern.

It was about Yeza and Luc. It was about her family. It was the greatest disaster that had befallen her loved ones since the goblin abduction, and her reaction was correspondingly big.

Of course she could be brave. Of course she could be angry and assertive. Of course she could, for once, discount the feelings of her beloved wizard. Because her husband and son were in danger.

When will Nott get to be brave on her own behalf? To be angry on her own behalf? To want, want, want something, something ever so much bigger than a button, openly, unashamedly, on her own behalf?

And I think I might know the answer to that question: When she openly acknowledges something that she has already hinted at, danced around, in conversations with Caleb here and there.

“I ditched my husband in a den of monsters to go adventuring with you.”

She said this to Caleb while they were riding a moorbounder together in Xhorhas, and something about it has resonated hard with me ever since.

That conversation--and the other couple of conversations Nott has had with Caleb that deal with her own conflicting desires--felt strangely like a failure. Like Caleb was sincerely doing his best to help her, but wasn’t quite getting what she was putting down.

He doesn’t know how to stop her drinking, her constant anxiety. How to soothe her fears about the future. He doesn’t know what she needs.

Is it reassurance of her family’s love? That’s been offered to her repeatedly, by Yeza, by Luc, by Caleb himself, but it’s never had much of an effect on her darker moods.

Is it her own body back? That would help a lot, for sure. Like every other member of the Mighty Nein, she’s on a journey to find herself. She thought, initially, that it was purely a journey to find something she’d lost. Caleb and the rest of the M9 think so too, I think. But there’s more to it than that.

What Nott Really Needs:

“I think you have to find those answers,” Caleb said to Nott as she expressed her ambivalence about returning home and resuming her housewife role. “Can’t you just tell me?” she pleaded.

That’s it right there, that’s the crux of her journey. And it isn’t just a journey back to a body or a family or a life she lost--it’s a journey to something entirely new. Nott craves the familiar, the safe, the known; she keeps trying to make herself small and unimportant again, to convince others to define her. But they can’t. She is too much, too big, too weird and messy and wonderful, for anyone else to squeeze her into a box anymore (she always was; she just didn’t realize it). And Caleb is the one to tell her that.

“I ditched my husband in a den of monsters to go adventuring with you.”

“I love you,” she told him on the beach of Nicodranas, and sure, she meant it platonically (probably) (mostly), but it was more than friendship, more even than romance. She loves what he represents. And--the one thing she can never, ever, ever acknowledge, because it is completely antithetical to her journey as she currently sees it--a part of her loves who she has become while traveling and fighting by his side.

“These days I’ve spent with you are the most exciting of my entire life.” That’s something Fjord said to Caleb once. And I’ve posted before about how eerily similar Fjord and Nott’s journeys are.

They both had rocky childhoods marred by bullying and badly bruised self-confidence, then embarked on simple, well-defined lives/careers in which they felt utterly content...and then they both literally drowned, both lost their friends/family/life roles in the process, and both got transformed into something “dark” and “ugly” that they couldn’t come back from.

And the clincher? The thing Fjord was able to admit to himself and others, but that Nott carried around like a deep, dark secret and is still struggling hard with to this day?

They both fell in love with their new lives and roles in spite of themselves.

Yes, Fjord renounced Uk’otoa in favor of the Wildmother...but he still retains his warlock powers. Yes, Nott wants to, can, and probably will be turned back into a halfling--but she will never again be a person who was not a goblin.

She does not want to be a person who was not a goblin.

She wants Caleb, and all he represents. She wants adventure and excitement. She wants to be strong and brave and important, not only to protect her loved ones, but because those things bring her fulfillment. Because they have shaped her self-image in new ways that she cannot discard.

The duality of her names reflects this perfectly. She always uses “Veth” around Yeza and Luc, and wants them to use it for her, but with the M9, she’s still “Nott the Brave”-- or is it “Nott, the Brave”?

Caleb uses both names for her.

Caleb. Uses. Both. Names. For her.

Nott needs to be herself. It’s what all the members of the Mighty Nein need, really--this is a campaign about identity, as Matt has said--but I think it’s coming harder to Nott than any of the others, and that’s why I’ve had such a hell of a time pinning her down as a character...because she has had a hell of a time doing that, too!

Because she can’t acknowledge what may be the greatest possible shame for a stereotypical girl, wife, mother, or monster...

Wanting to be herself. Wanting things simply because she wants them. Wanting to be someone you can’t pin down, either literally (in a cozy little cottage in Felderwin) or figuratively (in any of the aforementioned roles).

Nott wants to define herself. But she doesn’t quite know she wants it. And she doesn’t know how to do it. But part of her definitely sees that getting her body back, while essential, is not enough.

And so she panics and drinks and goes into existential tailspins because no one else will give her the answers. Caleb has come closest, in telling her to seek them for herself...but Caleb has his own baggage, and can’t quite let go of his great ideal of Family, of Going Home Again. Of turning back the clock and erasing the dark corners of one’s past.

So he sees Nott’s happy ending as husband and son, hearth and home. And it isn’t enough. It’s as tidy and false and messy and comfortless as his time-travel fantasies. And that’s where their stories ultimately intertwine...their desires at cross-purposes, their solutions at odds. Nott longing for something that Caleb is giving her (adventure, excitement, a purpose, the privilege to bear both her names and faces and diminish neither, to be fully herself for the first time in her life). Caleb wants something that was taken from both of them. Neither of them yet fully understands that you can’t go back, that the only direction is forward. Into greater messiness, greater complexity, greater understanding of themselves and the things they can accomplish, alone and together.

But they’re getting there. They’re both getting there. And I absolutely cannot wait to see where their stories lead.

[yasbxxgie]

The Artist’s Way: Writer-director Radha Blank ruminates on creative frustration and rejuvenation in her debut feature, The Forty-Year-Old Version

Fair warning: This interview with Radha Blank isn’t business — it’s personal. Right now, like at this very moment, Radha is being introduced to the world as the writer, director, and star of the remarkable new Netflix film The Forty-Year-Old Version. But I remember Radha in the 1990s, smashing open mics at Brooklyn Moon in N.Y.C., rocking a fitted N.Y. Yankees cap and big hoop earrings. I remember her jumping into cyphers and catching wreck (read: she can dance her ass off) at Club Kilimanjaro. I remember sitting in the audience of her play Seed in 2011 and thinking, Damn, homegirl can write. I remember witnessing the rise of her emcee alter ego and one-woman show RadhaMUSprime at Joe’s Pub in 2014 and thinking, Damn, Radha can rhyme. AND she funny AF. Because Radha was (and is) a part of a close-knit artists’ community, I also recall her hustle, the keeping-the-lights-on-while-trying-to-make-your-dreams-come-true shuffle we know so well. Radha worked as a teacher, she wrote for children’s television and for shows such as Empire and She’s Gotta Have It.

So when The Forty-Year-Old Version won the U.S. Dramatic Directing Award at Sundance earlier this year, the community rejoiced! This wasn’t just a win for Radha, it was a win for the people. Here was a film rooted in Radha’s own story, about a woman at 40; a Black artist trying to get her stories told — as a playwright and as a rapper; a daughter grieving the death of her mother. Radha told her story her way, down to shooting the streets of New York on 35mm film in black and white. The result is a whole, liberating mood. There’s even a nod to Prince’s Purple Rain.

Karen Good Marable: First of all, Radha, congratulations! The Forty-Year-Old Version is amazing. Your success feels so much like a win for Brooklyn. A win for us all. Thank you for writing it. Radha Blank: I really did make it for us — us being Black women, Black women of a certain age, Black women artists of a certain age. I didn’t think I’d be starting a whole new career in my 40s, but I think it speaks to what’s possible if you let go of other people’s ideas of where you should be in your life. If I listened to other people and gave credence to their ideas, I would not be here.

Amen. When you were younger, did you have the boxes to check, i.e., “I need to get this done by 30, I need to get this done by 40”? Were you that girl? RB:

I think I was that girl. And I always say this about aging: It’s never really about the person; it’s about other people’s perceptions that you then take on. I thought by 40, I would be married with a couple of kids, all of my work being published, theaters asking, “Can we do a revival of this play now?” I really thought once I decided to be a playwright, which was probably my mid-20s, I thought, Oh, by 40, I’m going to be set up. I will have a house. And I do have a house, but that came from Cookie and Lucious Lyon. They got me a house.

Come through, Empire. RB:

I feel like we’ve all been conditioned to think that 40 is: You’re an adult, you’re accomplished, you’re established. What me and my character share is there’s still all of these “who am I” moments, questions around identity. Especially when my mother died, I really had to figure out who I was, because so much of my life as a woman, as a person, as a Black American, as an artist, was tied to this woman. When she died, I really had no sense of myself. So I feel like my personal experience propelled me toward telling the story. We just don’t see women of that age saying, What do I do next? Am I happy? Is this enough?

Your mother — curator, visual artist, cinephile, and arts teacher Carol Blank — figures prominently in the film. She is a goddess and a guide, but she also represents a complicated lesson in what it means to be an artist. RB: Oh, listen, I feel like everything I’ve learned, I’ve learned from my mother — from my frustration as an artist to being a teaching artist for so long. That’s where I learned how to be a director, honestly. I didn’t go to film school. I did stand-up comedy and all this performance stuff, and my first example was my mother. She knew how to turn a phrase or a joke to get the kids interested, and if they weren’t, she wasn’t going to push it. I learned from her first, and I tried to match her energy.

I don’t know what my mother went through when she turned 40, as an artist. I know she was a mom of two by that time, but I gathered — especially because she was a teaching artist for so many years — that she was hustling, jumping between these different roles, trying to make sense of something for herself. In that way, I feel like the movie and my journey as an artist brought me closer to her. I was like, Oh, this is what you had to go through. And then you had two kids on top of that?

In the film, your character is also a teacher. As much as she tries to model support and positivity, sometimes the frustration seeps through. One line stayed with me: “Don’t think that because you created something, people will appreciate it.” RB:

Yeah, I have been bitter. I was able to transform that into a film; it gave me a story to tell. But I did feel that theater as an institution didn’t pay off, there wasn’t much of a dividend. I had done a play in 2011 called Seed, and everyone was like, “Girl, this is your breakout! This is your moment! This play is going on Broadway!” None of that shit happened. Theater was not responding in the same way. I was quietly devastated by it, and I think the movie is my exploration of the why. How come things didn’t happen for me? Here’s someone who has been trying for 20-something years and my biggest accomplishment was 10 years ago when I was 30. That’s why I invented the 30 Under 30 award for my character: The idea that accomplishments are amplified by one’s proximity to youth. There’s no 50 Under 50 award. Or 60 Under 60. Being young and doing something as an artist seems more of a cause for celebration. You know what I mean?

There’s also this theme of displacement that runs through the film. In addition to your protagonist feeling out of place in the classroom and in the theater community, she’s also setting a play, Harlem Ave, that deals with gentrification. RB:

So, my parents were gentrifiers in their own way in the late 60s and 70s, when they moved to the south side of Williamsburg, Brooklyn. They didn’t displace people, because what they and their artist and jazz musician comrades would do is take over dilapidated spaces that were considered unlivable — broken-down lofts and factories and storefronts — and create community. There was an investment in engaging the community that came before you, whereas now I think gentrification really is just about an opportunity for the person moving in — “Oh, look at this dope, cheap brownstone that I can get” — with no regard for what came before.

Right. RB: The same thing happens with these artistic institutions: They find a dilapidated space, they revive it and put a million dollars into it. Then when it comes to programming, the people on the stage don’t look like the people outside of the gate. They’re thinking of their silver-haired patrons, because those people can afford a $100 ticket, and that is who I feel most of the theaters cater to. So when diversity shows up on the stage, it’s a version of diversity that protects the audience from feeling bad about racism or sexism. They can still remain in a comfortable place, so they can come back next week or next month and see something for the $300 membership.

But then you brilliantly juxtapose said institutions with the battle rap in the Bronx. RB: I wanted to show these different hubs of art in New York. This film is about capturing an authentic New York experience, and so we shot that battle rap scene at a warehouse space at the tip-top of the Bronx. Art and culture are happening in these spaces that we’re not always focusing the camera on and that don’t have the multimillion-dollar renovation fund of a downtown theater. But this is theater. This is art.

Is that battle based on an actual show? RB:

Yes. Well, we recreated that. Babs Bunny, who people may recognize from Making the Band, created this brand called Queen of the Ring. If you go on YouTube, you’ll see their battle raps. I would watch them because I just needed to see women slaying shit and not being proper or polite. I just wanted to put it into a cinematic world.

Your pen is equally hard-hitting, Radha. Rhymes like “Poverty Porn” and “This Some Bullshit” do so much in revealing character, advancing the narrative. RB:

Thank you. I mean, I feel like if we’re stopping to listen to a song, it should still be about advancing the narrative. We’re still moving forward, riding on this person’s frustration, but into the next scene, next act, or what have you. I think it comes from being a playwright, making sure that everything is earned and not just thrown in there for novelty or because it’s colorful and interesting. I feel like RadhaMUSprime is probably an explosion of her consciousness, the things that she’d been suppressing.But yeah, I’m an emcee. I rhyme. The beautiful thing about the film is I didn’t have to become a professional rapper. I don’t feel like the movie is 8 Mile. I say the movie is 2 Mile,

because she’s not trying to go that far. She’s not trying to be a hip-hop star. For her, hip-hop is a meditation and it shows up in many ways, from the trap beat floating outside her window, to her freestyling in the mirror, or with the dudes in the basement cypher at Arlene’s Grocery.

In some ways, the moral and artistic struggles of The Forty-Year-Old Version remind me of Hollywood Shuffle, Robert Townsend’s 1987 classic. RB:

I appreciate that you bring up Hollywood Shuffle, because I know that because I’m Black and I’m shooting in black and white, people always make the comparison to She’s Gotta Have It. But I feel like my film calls back to Hollywood Shuffle, about a Black artist confronting the white gatekeepers on who gets to tell a Black story and how.

Exactly. And like Townsend, you wrote, directed, and starred in your own first feature film. How was that experience, and do you think you would do it again? RB:

I wouldn’t say I regret being in my film, but I think that there’s probably more of a fascination with my film because I’m in it. And I have too much respect for actors to call myself one. I don’t come from training. I don’t sit in these auditions day after day. I don’t have to endure seven callbacks for a role. I just think that when an audience is familiar with a face, it might make it easier for them to go down the line with this person. So while I don’t plan on being in another one of my films, I do plan on mining my family legacy for storytelling, and on telling stories where music is a driving force.I really want to be an auteur. I’m hoping that my stories get quieter. Very quiet, but very potent. A slow burn, but such a beautiful payoff. I want to make work like that.

Amen.

Photographs:

Radha Blank on set, t & m

Radha Blank with her fellow cast members

[bi-writes]

Medieval fantasy AU with prince Tom plsssss 😍😍😍

ooooooh here we go down this rabbit hole lmao

The corset of your dress was so tight, you could barely breathe properly. You refused to wear them in your own home. They made you uncomfortable, and you weren’t able to mount your horse properly. They made you stiff and proper, and you hated being stiff and proper. But your mother had begged you, and you gave in. 

You were happy to do it for her until she forced a new dress on you and put you in her best jewels. Emeralds on your neck, rubies in your ears, and diamonds littering your tiara and making it sparkle unimaginably. She was powdering you up for the party, and you hated feeling like a trophy to be passed around. But how could you protest when...you weren’t allowed to even have an opinion?

You were on your mother’s arm when you entered the large hall. The ceilings were high, tens of feet tall, and the chandeliers were glowing with lit candles, casting a gorgeous light on the party below. There was music and tables full of food, trays of wine never going empty. You saw chocolate and sweets, and then you saw everyone staring. Of course they were staring. You were a princess, unwed, polished like a golden trophy for all of them to gawk at. Lords staring at you to see if you were fit for their sons, and men staring at you to see if you were fit for their households. It was insulting, but your mother tugged you along anyways.

You grabbed a handful of sweets, popping them into your mouth before your mother could see. She let you go to get a few glasses of wine, and that was your cue. You ripped your tiara off and hid beside a server as you followed them into the kitchen. You greeted the staff warmly before going out the back, into the stables. You were going for your horse, that beautiful black horse that stood at the back of the stables. You hurried, picking up your skirt and running, and thats when you bumped chest first into someone else, both of you falling backwards onto the floor. 

“Oh, Christ!” The other person swore, sitting up, rubbing their chest. “Oh! Oh, my lady—”

You let out a breath as you were picked up off the floor quickly, put onto your feet. You were dizzy for a moment having hit the ground so fast and so forcefully.

“N-No, it’s...it’s all my fault, I wasn’t watching where I was going,” you said after a minute, putting a hand on your head. You blinked, trying to focus, and you swallowed hard when you noticed the man in front of you. He was wear a simple dress shirt and trousers, tucked into his riding boots. 

“Getting away from the party so quickly? I hear it’s grand,” he tried to lighten the mood, and you sighed, rolling your eyes a bit. 

“Grand for who?”

“The princess, of course, is this party not for her? The invitation said all eligible noblemen were to attend this evening,” he chuckled, and you picked up your crown, hiding it as you went to the back, towards your horse, towards Eve. You tossed your crown into the hay, putting both hands on her and petting her warmly. 

“Of course it did,” you muttered. “The queen is adamant on her daughter finding a husband. But...it doesn’t even matter. I don’t know why she pushes so much. Don’t you think a woman should be allowed a few years to herself before she even begins thinking about uprooting her life and starting a family?”

He laughed behind you, shrugging, “I...I suppose a woman should be entitled to that. But...they aren’t.”

“No, I suppose not,” you replied with a hard tone. “But they should be. You can’t even be pardoned of that burden as royalty. It’s as if all a woman is good for is marriage. They teach us to dance and to sing and to paint and to curtsy and to...to sew. And for what? No one will want to watch us do any of those things. They don’t care.”

You laid your cheek against Eve, sighing deeply. 

“In our lifetime, I suppose that is all a woman can do. But perhaps they can find men that make them feel otherwise.”

You turned your head to look at him, and he was blushing all over. His cheeks were red, his ears were red, and he was adorable, looking so flushed. 

“You’re funny,” you said finally, laughing. “To think such things are possible.”

He came towards you, offering his hand. “I’m Thomas.”

“y/n.”

“Shall we...get away from this party? Go for a ride?”

You nodded slowly. 

“I’d...I’d like that very much.”

He helped you onto your horse, his hand in yours as he lifted you up over Eve. You got comfortable on her back before clicking your tongue a bit, patting her to walk. Tom reached for his horse and followed you close behind. You took him on a small tour of the grounds, following the paths you walked everyday with Eve. You went through the gardens, around the lake, through the trees.

You didn’t ride in silence. Tom was quick to pick up conversation with you, and you were laughing, always. You bantered back and forth about who was the better rider, who could eat more chocolate tarts in two minutes, and the first time you both got drunk on old cellar wine. You were starting to get tired as he helped you off of Eve. You both sat on a bench near the edge of the lake, which was lit by torches all around. Your horses were tied behind both of you, relaxing.

“Do you think the princess is having fun then?” Tom asked after awhile, looking over at the castle in the near distance. “Surely. This whole...thing was for her.”

You looked in the same direction as him, watching the figures in the windows dance and eat and move around. You sighed.

“I don’t think the princess cares for parties all that much.”

“No?” Tom looked back at you. “What does she like then?”

You frowned, “why are you so interested?”

He bit his lip, “my father instructed me to come down here. He said I was to come, meet the princess, and give her my best. He talks too much. Of course I’d never catch the attention of the princess.”

“Oh? And why not?” You asked, sitting up, curious now.

“They say the princess is...the most beautiful woman in this country,” he murmured, turning back to look at you. You smiled a bit at him, and he smiled back, staring at you, intrigued. You looked lovely bathed in moonlight. “They say she has a sweet tooth, that she wears dresses made of silk always, and that she has a voice like a siren.”

You snorted a bit, “she sounds terrible!” 

“What?!” Tom blushed, so embarrassed. “Is it so bad to secretly admire someone I’ve never met? To think that...in some alternate universe...a princess described such as that could ever be mine?”

You stared at him longingly, nudging his shoulder.

“Are you a nobleman? Looking to...rise in station by marrying a princess?”

Tom shrugged, “it isn’t like that,” he muttered. “It’s just...I’ve met many princesses. And I’ve been to a lot of countries, love. And they...they all have stories written of them such as that, but then when you meet them...” He closed his eyes. “I am disappointed when I meet them. Because they are not always sirens that sing and...and they are not always as sweet as others might tell you. Sometimes they mock others beneath them and rule with wicked hands. Sometimes they...sometimes they are cruel.”

“Women can be cruel,” you said softly. “They ought not to be, but sometimes they are. And it’s not always their fault.”

“No, it’s not always their fault,” he murmured. “Women with history...women with pasts...sometimes they are damaged here,” he touched where his heart is, “but sometimes it makes them better. They feel deeply. They love stronger. They speak wiser. My mother was like that.” He smiled a bit to himself. “That is the kind of woman I’d like to have. I suppose I’m just chasing stories until I find the right one.”

“What if you never do?”

“Then I suppose I will never marry.”

You looked out at the water, tucking your hands under your knees.

“Me neither,” you said softly. “I wish...I wish I could be the woman you dreamt of, Tom. I wish...perhaps tonight would have been that night for you.”

He nudged you a bit with his shoulder. “Aye, I wish that, too. Do you think I still have a chance with this princess then?”

You took a deep breath, shrugging. “I don’t know. Perhaps you should go find her inside.” 

Tom stood up, nodding to himself. He picked up your hand and kissed it gently, and your stomach fluttered a bit. 

“You deserve someone very special, Thomas,” you said sheepishly, smiling at him. “You’re...too kind for this world.”

“As are you, sweet y/n.” He leaned over and gave you a kiss on the cheek next. You watched him mount his horse and ride back to the stables. You stayed a little longer outside, looking out at the water. Thomas seemed lovely, lovelier than any prince your mother could throw your way. You refrained from kissing him, from pulling him close. If he was anyone else...if he was a lord or a nobleman...your mother wouldn’t approve.

But what did it matter? You were never traditional, anyway. What would it matter who you found yourself with? Didn’t you owe it to yourself to try?

You got onto Eve, pulling on the reigns so she could hurry back to the castle. You slipped off of her quickly, brushing your dress off as you looked for the crown that you threw in the hay. You started to panic when you couldn’t find it. Your mother gave it to you to borrow for the night, and you had thrown it like some cheap child’s toy into the hay. 

“Looking for this, love?”

You turned abruptly, and Tom stood there, holding the glittering tiara in his hands. You blushed.

“Tom...I...I wanted to tell you, I just—”

“Didn’t want me to know you were a princess?” He asked, raising a brow. “The princess? The princess of all the stories I’ve been hearing?”

You looked down, “What do you want me to say? I don’t...I don’t sing much. I’m not...I’m not the most beautiful woman in the country, and...and I don’t wear dresses made of silk. I’m just me, Thomas. And you’re...you’re you. Why would you want someone like me? I have no idea how to be the princess you said I was.”

He chuckled a bit, “you know, I did come all the way from England to meet you, Your Highness.”

“Please don’t call me that,” you sighed, coming closer to him. “Please call me y/n.”

He smiled down at you, “then don’t call me it either. We’ll have a truce.”

“What does that mean?”

“Formally, you should call me your highness, but I suppose I’ll let it slide for you, love,” he teased, and you pushed him a bit.

“Y-You’re...you’re the prince? The prince of England?”

“Aye, love, I am, but let’s not talk in detail, yeah?” He reached up to touch the side of your face with his knuckles, and you laughed.

“And you said nothing?”

“I didn’t want you to get a crude impression of me. I thought you were...”

“More humble?” You asked, touching the collar of his shirt. He nodded a bit, and you put your head on his chest.

“I like to be. I don’t care for theatrics, Thomas. I like the simple things,” you said, looking up at him. “Don’t you?”

“Oh, love...” he smiled wider. “I’ve been chasing after a story all my life. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Just a woman on my arm as sweet as the stories they told about her...”

“And?”

He leaned in, nuzzling his nose against yours.

“Tell me, darling...how long would I have to kiss you to find out?”

You broke into a giggle, “forever, I suppose.”

“Then I suppose that’s what I’ll do.”

[conaionaru]

Woman’s game (Ivar the Boneless/Hvitserk)

Does that make me crazy

Synopsis: Skuld is alone with herself and reflects back on her past. Passes the time thinking about murder (as we all do) 

Warnings: insanity, slow descent into madness, toxic relationship, prisoner, flashbacks

Tags: 

@youbloodymadgenius​

Sometimes, time passed slowly; other times, Skuld felt like she had been inside the room for years. She floated above the feeling of consciousness, thinking about everything and nothing at once. She lived her life the best she could, enjoying men, women, money, and alcohol.

In her eyes, there was nothing wrong with her lifestyle. Mother always said to do who and what you love. Being someone's pretty little wife and housewife wasn't for her. She was to be worshipped like a queen and live the happiest life. With Ivar, she could have it all. He looked at her as if she hung the moon and ate out of the palm of her hand.

Give it time, and they would become the most powerful couple alive—Ivar's anger and mind, combined with Skuld's ability to manipulate and flatter. She felt the smile pulling at her lips when she imagined their future—the King and Queen of the World. "All Hail Queen Skuld Ylvasdottir. The most beautiful and powerful of them all." She giggled and brushed through her greasy birdnest of blonde hair.

The grime and dirt were sickening to her, her own waste not that far and no food or water in sight. If they wanted to starve her or were waiting for something, she had no idea. When she wasn't thinking about her future, she planned out Lagertha's downfall, how Skuld would kill her, if she would drag it out or not.

Death and murder were such easy things if you were surrounded by them your whole life. While her brothers were trained in the bolder approach of battle and war, Skuld was taught how to wage war in secrecy. Undermining people, whispering things into their ears, and making them believe it was their idea all along. Her mother taught her five brothers, and life taught Skuld.

The first time she killed, she was not even eleven. Balancing between childhood and womanhood, the girl ran around with the other children. Haldor ran after her like a loyal puppy, the pink-cheeked boy hacking at everything with his wooden sword, saying he will protect her from everything.

The truth was, Skuld didn't need protecting even then. She found out that if you glare at a boy long enough, they will get intimidated and leave. Pretend to be better than them, and their egos make them stutter and curse. Afterward, they are easy prey to ridicule and leave you alone. If not, just threaten them. Years later, the more persistent ones were disposed of during the black of the night and ruled off as an accident.

So at eleven, she ran around carefree, the other shrieking children playing ball. Skuld loved to throw the ball further than the kids could reach or with full force. The stunned face of the child that got hit was always fun, but the crying was annoying. So when the third child broke down crying and run off home, she stopped playing and looked around instead.

The faint chirping of a baby bird could be heard from her left, so she followed the sound till she found the culprit. A baby bird laid under the tree, its wing broken. The mother wouldn't come back for the birdie.

Skuld leaned down to the little thing and cradled it in her palms. It peered up at her, making wounded noises as she looked the wing over. The bone was out, and some feathers were gone. It would survive, but what was it worth if it can't fly. That all a bird is meant for.

It would slowly starve to death and die. What a cruel fate that would be. "Skuld, come on!!! I don't want to play alone." Haldor yelled at her exited, the ball in his hands. The girl's blue eyes watched the distressed animal in her hands. There was no way to help him. She can't just raise it till it dies of old age. 

"Skuld!" She could hear footsteps approaching and her mother's voice calling them for dinner. So Skuld tutted at the small bird in a soothing voice and closed it in her palms. The bird pecked at her soft hands, trying to get free. She tightened her hold and slowly squeezed the life out of it. "Skuld, come eat!"

When her mother found her and looked into her hands, she found the bird with its snapped neck. Her daughter looked at the animal with empty eyes. "Why did you do that?"

"Mercy. It would die anyway. Why let it suffer?"

Skuld chuckled at the memory and looked down at her arms; bloody scratches ran down her arms. She doesn't really remember giving them to herself. She recalls hugging herself from the cold and then the blood running down her arms. 

Maybe she was as broken as the bird she killed. Mercy, that's what she called it. Who would show her the same favor? Would they let her slowly lose her mind before she starved to death? Putting her out of her misery would be nicer. What did she ever do to deserve this treatment? She was a royal guest to Aslaug. What reason does Lagertha have to lock her up and slowly kill her?

Skuld was like a crippled bird trapped and doomed. She killed him, and he got a proper Viking burial. Would they do the same to her? 

"Don't you ever laugh as the hearse goes by,

For you may be the next to die." 

She giggled at the song that she heard when she was small. It was sung by some slave that was sacrificed in her father's honor. The old woman seemed at peace with death, so serene as they cut her throat. Would Skuld die the same way? Without putting up a fight when her body was too weak to save her? She doubted it, all the conflict in her way too stubborn to let go. Fuck them all; they won't take her dignity and sanity. She won't let them win. 

Revenge was something her mother despised. Maybe that's why Ragnar Lothbrok survived, or perhaps Ylva gained more than she lost. After all, an Earldom for a husband was a fair trade. Even if it left you with six children, you have to raise on your own. But no matter who wronged Ylva, she gave them a quick death and never mentioned it again. 

The faster it was over, the better. She would gather her warriors, wage war, and win the battle. Quick revenge, expected, but easily won. Skuld wasn't like that. When someone wronged her, no matter how dire, she would wait and then strike. 

When she was a child, not younger than ten, a boy made fun of her for not having a father. Carefully she made her plan and waited for her moment. Within the year it came. The next winter, the boy was an outcast, ridiculed for his destroyed reputation. 

Destroying a man's reputation was essentially harder than a woman's. Call her a whore, pay off a few people to say she did bad deeds, or was a witch, and she was done for. With men, it was more difficult. Loose morals were, for some reason, praised in boys and men. The more women he slept with, the better. But if he has no honor and no fighting skill, then he is shunned.

So she set him against Haldor, dressed as a commoner. The twelve-year-old boy believed he lost against a smaller thin farmer's child. Haldor had better training and thought the fight to be a game. A good excuse to be as dirty as he wanted. 

The other boy was laughed at, and when news came out to the young girls of Yugar, he couldn't charm any girl for years after. The other men and boys ridiculed him, and the rumors grew worse. Now he fights alongside Skuld's brothers in the shield wall. Sometimes she still wonders if he ever found out it was Haldor who beat him and not a farmer. 

Skuld's revenge on Lagertha would take time as well. She had all the time in the world to plan it. Undermining the bitch and killing off her shieldmaidens was a good start. Make her doubt her security and allies till she went grey from worry. Skuld giggled at the thought and hid her face in her hands.

The door to the hut opened, and the sun burned her eyes. She hissed at the bright light and shielded her eyes with her hand, till a figure did the job instead. Lagertha stood before her in a red gown, surrounded by her shieldmaidens. "Lady Skuld of Yugar. The little lion cub. I am sorry for the lack of hospitality. I had a lot to do."

"I am sure overtaking a kingdom is a lot of work. You could have spared yourself the responsibility and stayed Earl Ingstad." Skuld mussed with a shrug, looking up at the Queen from her spot on the ground. She shakily stood up and glared at the shieldmaiden.

"I took what was rightfully mine."

"And what do I have to do with it? I didn't take your kingdom or husband. All I did was fuck his son. Not yours, of course. I do have boundaries." Skuld chuckled and watched Torvi glare at her. What's her problem? I said I didn't fuck Bjorn. 

Lagertha smiled at her and signaled with her hand. Two shieldmaidens walked in, one holding a dress and another a tray with food and drink. Neither was fitting for someone of Skuld's status or hunger. "It is simply a precaution. Your mother may be on good grounds with Bjorn, but she hated Ragnar. I do not know how she stands with me. Keeping you safe is my priority now."

Skuld chuckled and stepped closer, the shieldmaidens moving to protect Lagertha. What do they think I would do? Throw shit? Now that's a thought she could save for desperate times. "Ah yes, and starving me in a dark room with no chamber pot or water is so nice of you. If you think this will help your relationship with my mother, you are an utter fool."

"You haven't been exactly compliant either. You killed my shieldmaidens. Two, to be exact." Astrid answered for Lagertha. Skuld scoffed and shifted on her feet to seem less threatening.

"I come from a line of warriors. So I tend to attack and kill those who try to kidnap me. Sorry." Skuld obviously meant the last word to be mocking as she wasn't sorry at all. 

"You were close to Aslaug and her sons. Keeping you secluded is the safest option, especially with you acting out. It is better for everybody. With your history." She sat down in her old spot and raised the cup of water to her cracked lips.

She looked at Lagertha with a raised eyebrow. "My history? Are you calling me a whore?"

"I am calling you a dangerous woman with love for violence and death. My actions didn't warm your heart to me either. So it is best to keep you in here till your mother returns."

"That could be months."

"So you better get used to your new home." Astrid mocked, causing Skuld to smirk and sip at the water. 

"I hope you will mention my actions to your mother. After all, I could have had you executed."

Skuld chuckled and leaned back against the wall. In a fast movement, she threw the cup at Lagertha. "Get out, you hateful bitch! I hope you rot in Hel for eternity!"

The Queen turned on her heel, offended, and left with some of her warriors. The door closing behind them. Skuld sat there for a while, breathing heavily. Astrid looked at the girl with soft eyes, frowning at the dirty state she was in. "If you do as you are told and reign your temper in, you will get out of here faster."

Skuld chuckled and looked at the female with disdain clear in her eyes. "Manipulating me into liking you isn't going to work, Astrid. It wouldn't work either. It isn't my mother, Lagertha fears. She fears me." Skuld hissed, leaning forward, spit flying out of her mouth as her blue eyes grew wild. She looked like a rabid animal about to pounce.

"Nonsense."

"I fucked Aslaug's favorite son; I won her favor and Ivar's interest. I got my claws into Kattegat's population, the very people that your precious Queen wants to rule over. If I willed it, I could make them overthrow her. Which is no intention of mine, but Lagertha can't be certain of that. So she locks me up, maybe to starve me till my mother returns. Until then, she will gather a big enough force to beat an Earl."

Astrid smirked at her deduction and turned on her heel to leave. "You would have never been a hostage if you just didn't sleep with Ivar. Lagertha would have never noticed you if you didn't strive so high." She laughed, and Skuld shared her amusement.

With a creepy smile on her dirty face, the Earl's daughter sung the verse that gave her hope. 

"Don't you ever laugh as the hearse goes by,

For you may be the next to die." 

Astrid frowned at the threat and left the room, closing Skuld in the darkness again. She sighed and looked up at the ceiling to calm her racing heart. "Since when had getting laid such a high price? I should have gone to bed instead." She groaned and collapsed back on the floor to catch some sleep.

[entropictome]

Holiday Hot Pot

S:Final Fantasy XIV No plot or purpose. Just one man, his friends, family, his overwhelming grief and their very late Starlight. [mentioned non-WoL OCxThancred] 5754 words [ More FFXIV Content ]

“You look like shit.”

Moth’ir was missing his characteristic shades so all four occupants could clearly see the viera’s tactless comment send his eyes rolling. Five if the infant in his arms wasn’t soundly asleep. His comeback was snappy as always. “Thanks, kid. Thought I’d take a page from your book for a change.”

The Burn’s reaction was immediate. His rage coiled in his arms as he quickly changed stance. Ever one to turn to violence before reason. His voice rose as he started “,Why are you always-”

The rest was swallowed by a mitten plopped against his mouth. His smaller─but no less dangerous─companion shot him a long suffering look. Keeping The Burn’s temper under control was like trying to keep a lit match from igniting firedamp in a coal mine. Most folks had no hope but to abandon the mission to begin with. Ibuki was the sole exception. Though she could give him a good and proper dressing-down, it didn’t take much besides a sigh and disappointed look to upend his rampage before it started.

The anger didn’t go away, it just receded, but it allowed the pale and dark scaled auri to turn their attention back to their long missing friend. The three gathered around him with varying levels of interest. Leaving Havhen to flail helplessly as their presence was quickly forgotten in that of Moth’ir’s. Whom was obviously the more respected between the two when it came to their present company.

“You’ve been gone for months without word! We were really worried!” Ibuki stated, nearly whining with the intensity of her sincerity.

“We would have come sooner but there were a lot of things to take care of,” the Xaela man spoke apologetically. “There were so many festivals and trying to keep the bar staffed with so many people wanting days off and of course the Basement-”

Ibuki elbowed her much taller compatriot and cut his further worrying off by enthusing “,but Bukidai has dealt with all of it marvelously well so you don’t need to worry.”

“Oh?” Moth’ir looked at the Xaela with an appraising look. Though, paired with an easy grin, it was unlikely he was being serious. “Food baskets?”

“All delivered as of yesterday,” Bukidai, who was serious, assured him. “Thanks to our volunteers.”

“Volunteers is it? Did Mr. Auberdine show up?” Moth’ir asked and chuckled lightly when he saw Bukidai’s surprise.

“Ah, yes. Though we had to ask him to leave-”

“Because he was trying to convince everyone that volunteers deserved two baskets for their trouble.” Moth’ir interrupted, leaving Bukidai startled once again. “Did that every year. A few others too. Reason why I started delivering them my own damn self if I’m honest.”

“Every year?” Bukidai’s horror was indication enough that Mr. Auberdine had thrown one of his characteristic fits before he allowed himself to be let go.

“Grew up as a wealthy merchant’s son and then his family landed themselves in dire straights with bad investments,” Moth’ir shrugged. He was sympathetic but the sympathy was for Booker, not the man. “He’s remarkably less worse than he was but he’s never quite gotten over the idea he deserves more than everyone else.”

Bukidai sighed and shook his head. “Regardless, I think we can make do with our other volunteers if they want to pitch in again.”

“If you say so,” Moth’ir said dubiously. Bukidai held unto hope for dear life but Moth’ir had been divested of that a long long time ago. “Take care with old U’leh. Greying Miqo’te lady, very unassuming. She likes to troll through some of the donated items in Spring and Autumn for cakes to raffle off at her little charity parties.”

“She raffles off donated cakes?” Bukidai was aghast then pulled himself off the topic for another. “Spring is an awful long time away. Aren’t you coming back?”

“If you need to break out, we’ve got you,” Ibuki rose her sweater’s sleeve so she might flex her otherwise deceptively pudgy arm. Havhen─who had been watching their interaction with keen interest and was not familiar with Ibuki’s playful personality─shot Moth’ir an alarmed look over her shoulder.

“Contrary to whatever belief you might have, I am here of my own free will,” Moth’ir stated firm enough that they knew he meant it. He had certainly come of his own accord anyway. Staying was less than thrilling since he didn’t much care for the sole physician in this strange hospital. Divulging why was far more personal than he was comfortable sharing but he did add a “More or less.”

“More or less?” The Burn attention had been momentarily bought by the possibility of fighting.

Moth’ir gave him a stern look “,I’m staying.”

It was the right thing to do. More than that, it was where Thancred had left him. Left them. The four of them descended into an awkward silence. None of whom seemed particularly thrilled with the prospect.

Ibuki, hopping from one foot to the next, tried her best to break the quiet. “Is the baby yours? Bukidai said you left because you were feeling sick and had suspected but we didn’t know for sure.”

“Ibuki!” Bukidai chastised her.

Moth’ir gave him a solid kick to the shin. Which might have actually hurt had he been wearing anything but his slippers. He gasped and proclaimed with played up scandalization “What a gossip!”

Havhen was likely the only one of them who noticed the slight hissing. Something which indicated an actual irritation from Moth’ir he hid by dramatizing it.

“Is it a boy or girl?” Ibuki asked before throwing her arms up and blithely gesturing “,you know, for now.”

It was a joke that three of them understood better than the other two. Though she wasn’t aware of Havhen’s case. She had quite nearly forgotten they were there at all. Which was more or less in their favor as they were busy taking mental notes. Specifically on Moth’ir’s face after Ibuki asked her question. Moth’ir had settled into fatherhood like a round peg in a square hole. He’d fallen in but the corners weren’t right. Fairly typical of new parents but he’d taken his ineptitude as immediate failure and the guilt had landed him here in Havhen’s care. He’d only just been able to acknowledge his daughter directly at all.

Moth’ir visibly braced himself before muttering “,it’s uh... she.”

“She’s so cute! Can I hold her?” Ibuki thrust her arms out exuberantly. Either not noticing the stumble or too polite to point it out. Moth’ir handed her over mayhaps a bit too eagerly but the fact he’d been carrying her without needing to was progress. Havhen made a note of it.

Holding a baby was something Ibuki had enough experience in that she hadn’t needed coaching. Utterly doting, she looked fairly natural cooing down at the fussy bundle who had begun to stir due to the commotion and movement. Moth’ir struggled not to look miserable watching the pair, ears flattened against his head. Grief that went unnoticed now that all attention was on the baby.

“What’s her name?” Bukidai asked pleasantly.

“Doesn’t have one.” Moth’ir said flatly. Bukidai looked to him with confusion but Moth’ir waved him off and continued. “Her dad thought I should name her but I’ve been preoccupied and just... haven’t.”

Havhen distinctly remembered the white haired hyur had mentioned he’d wanted Moth’ir to name her because it might help them bond. And something about having already named two girls but that hadn’t been meant for Havhen’s ears. The concern of Moth’ir’s friends weren’t at all alleviated by the explanation but Bukidai had enough sense to recognize Moth’ir’s agitation. He simply nodded and smiled, if a bit awkwardly. “I’m sure it will come to you soon.”

Moth’ir brushed him off, glanced over at the window and the dwindling light outside. Whatever he’d wanted to see there caused him to sigh. He postulated “,You three didn’t really have a plan once you got here, did you?”

Said three exchanged glances that said they hadn’t and then all four heads turned to Havhen. The physician shook their head and crossed their arms in front of them. “Absolutely, not! This is a mental care facility! Not an inn!”

“It’s not like you’ve got any other patients and there’s not exactly a line waiting,” Moth’ir stated sternly.

“Nevertheless there are professional standards I have to adhere to,” Haven pushed back with just as much authority.

“It’s a madhouse,” Moth’ir exclaimed incredulously “,You’re already a joke and a half!”

“Not a madhouse!” Haven corrected him with a great deal of passion. “Those facilities garner their reputation by focusing on containment and are as like to cause as much─if not more─damage to their patients had they just left them alone. This facility is for study and treatment with the intent of rehabilitation.”

Havhen was a generally genial person but this was a subject they were particularly staunch on. Moth’ir, on the other hand, was just normally stubborn and exceedingly opinionated. Where the standoff would go was any one’s guess but it wasn’t likely to be clean. With that in mind, Ibuki interjected “,that’s actually quite fascinating! I’d love to get an interview with you on the subject for an article. Mor Dhona isn’t that far from Ul’dah, I’m sure some of my readers would love to know more.”

“You’re a reporter?” Havhen asked, scrutinizing the pastel garbed auri woman closer.  “Publicity would be nice but your ilk are so fond of twisting things on their head for greater attention.”

“Well, you’re in luck because miss Bunji is far more partial toward fluff pieces,” Bukidai noted with a fair bit of amusement.

“Oh! I’m so tired of writing hard hitting news! Everyone is so wary of talking to me now but I don’t mean to find bad things! I’m just very good at tripping into them,” her sudden outburst sounded surprisingly sincere considering it’s absurdity. It had also upset the baby who she quickly went about soothing. “Oh! I’m so sorry, dear thing. It’s okay! Nothing’s wrong! You’re not running a money laundering business out of here are you?”

The last question was aimed at Havhen who simply held their hands up defensively. “If I was I wouldn’t be struggling to make rent.”

“You’d be surprised,” Ibuki sighed as she gently rocked the baby back to complacency.

Havhen considered the three newcomers and nodded approvingly. “Alright. You can stay for a short while.”

There was a short lived celebratory movement before Havhen added: “Under the condition you do chores around the building and submit yourselves for an interview of my own.”

Moth’ir balked. “Nevermind, everyone can go sleep outside.”

Havhen crossed his arms and said firmly “,if she’s going to write about my organization she might as well get the best understanding of what I’m trying to do.”

“I think we can handle some housework and questions,” Bukidai offered, trying to hearten Moth’ir whose grimace only deepened in return.

Moth’ir threw his hands up and shook his head but went to his next order of business “,Regardless, your kitchen stock is atrocious. Scribbles, go out and see what food stuffs you can pick up for tonight. It’s Starlight and almost sundown so don’t expect a lot.”

“You can count on me!” Ibuki chirped despite his sentiment and snapped off a salute unfamiliar to Havhen.

“You,” he pointed at The Burn “,there’s some weird creatures out of town. Ask around the adventurers, see what all is edible and how, kill it and bring the proper bits back.”

The Burn grinned and smacked his fists together. “I can do that.”

“As long as you can ask politely and don’t pick a fight,” Ibuki said to him as more of a warning than anything else.

“You’re with me in the kitchen,” Moth’ir nodded toward Bukidai “,let’s prep and you can see if you have any more ideas about what we have on hand than I.”

“And me?” Havhen pointed at themself.

“You’re on baby duty.” Moth’ir gestured dramatically toward his daughter, still in Ibuki’s arms who passed her off to them.

“Alright kids, we have a short amount of time and very little to work with. Let’s move,” Moth’ir gestured and his people went to do as they were asked.

Havhen and the child watched them all scatter. Before today Moth’ir had been antagonistic and withdrawn around them. This commanding man and the willingness of his peers to follow his direction was bemusing. Both attitudes were entirely alien from the way he had been with his beau. At least when he didn’t think Havhen was looking. Assuming different personae to suit different groups was normal enough but, when all was said and done, some of Moth’ir’s faces would likely have to die to save the host.

“It should be an interesting night for us, I think.” They cooed gently to the nameless girl.

--------------------------------------------------------

Havhen had hoped they might be able to observe something that would give them clarity on Moth’ir in the process of the night. What they happened to see was utter chaos. Babies need care and Moth’ir’s child was particularly fussy without any seeming need to be. A fact even her wet nurse had noted. Then there was the utter mess that Moth’ir and Bukidai were making in their kitchen. Which was adequate enough by Havhen’s standards but not theirs.

The Burn returned first. A bit bloodied for his trouble. He’d gotten a handful of strange looking material he all swore was good for eating in a variety of ways. Havhen had some doubts but Moth’ir took him at his word.

“Who did you piss off?” Moth’ir asked passively after getting a proper look at the viera’s nose.

“Some weird frogs, some newts, wriggly things, you know,” The Burn gestured toward his assorted meats as if the question in itself was inane.

“I said: who,” Moth’ir reiterated, pointedly.

The Burn crossed his arms and stood defiantly. Which unraveled under Moth’ir’s steely gaze and he finally yelled “,it was some roegadyn, okay? Didn’t like the way I asked and wouldn’t listen so he started punching. He was asking for it.”

Moth’ir shrugged and shook his head. He wasn’t exactly pleased but the disappointment didn’t stick. He said to The Burn “,Thanks for the bits, kid. Since you’re here, try and keep that one out of our hair.”

Moth’ir gestured toward Havhen, saying to them: “And you? Good luck.”

It was a particularly perplexing series of statements that cleared itself up over the course of a brief conversation. Havhen came to the conclusion that The Burn would make a good case study if he’d allow it. Alas, it was unlikely that The Burn would avail himself to their care so Havhen was forced to deal with him on a social level. Which was an exceedingly unpleasant task. He was combative, sullen, and downright rude without any self awareness. A hungry malboro would have made better company.

Luckily, Ibuki returned not too long after. If her strength had been in question, it was not now as she managed to juggle a notable number of boxes. Of which she was more hampered by the awkwardice of their distribution than their weight.

“What did you do? Buy the whole market?” Bukidai exclaimed as he started offloading her parcels.

“There’s a lot more in the market than food, you know,” Ibuki retorted. “I just got things that they said were edible and looked good.”

“Is that a whole dodo?” Moth’ir asked as he eyeballed what she’d brought in.

“Yup! The man said I could have it cheap because it’s Starlight,” she said as she divested herself of her last package. Arms free, Ibuki turned to Havhen and stretched them out to them “,let me see the baby!”

They could hardly deny her after she asked so passionately.

“More likely that the seller misjudged his buyer’s needs and wanted to offload it quickly,” Moth’ir commented looking the bird over. He’d found little wrong with it all the same.

“Oh! Oh!” She hopped back around to face him after having secured the baby in her arms “,I was thinking maybe a hot pot would be good?” Ibuki’s suggestion sounded more like the favorite child pleading a favor of an otherwise stern parent. 

“I think I saw a burner for one,” Bukidai added with a questioning note. Indirectly asking why Havhen would have one to begin with.

“I’m quite particular towards hot pot dishes, myself,” Havhen explained “,I should have noodles too.”

Ibuki looked enthused for all of a second before she schooled herself back and asked “,like, spaghetti?”

Havhen gave her a sympathetic look and patted her and the shoulder “,I’m not sure I’ve had pasta in a hot pot. Personally, I’m preferential toward glass noodles but I have udon too.”

This suitably reignited Ibuki’s excitement. She nearly launched herself at Havhen, might have had it not been for the babe, asking “,you have a lot of stuff from Othard here, actually. Have you gone to Kugane?”

Havhen suspected the woman might be a tad homesick but unfortunately had to shake their head. “Not myself. The matrons of my clan told me stories of Yanxia from when we’d travel before the Garlean occupation. I believe it’s a short boat ride between?”

Moth’ir audibly hissed. A thing so uncharacteristic that it completely silenced the room a second and then was immediately moved on from. Moth’ir’s friends assuming it had been unintentional; like a sneeze. They hadn’t been told that Havhen had just happened to be Moth’ir’s long lost sibling. That their clan had once been his. At least, before they’d left him to die as a small child. But Havhen did.

They gave him an apologetic look. Divulging details about their clan hadn’t been their intent. It was an act which Moth’ir had very clearly expressed wanting nothing to do with. Their conciliation did little to quell the absolute rage that Moth’ir was having trouble keeping from his face. Cooking did though.

Havhen and Ibuki settled into chatting idly about Othard while the babe slept in her arms. The Burn─whose chaotic nature had been hard contained just moments before─sat calmly watching Ibuki. A man who was seeing his girlfriend in a domestic light for the first time and wasn’t sure what to think. Havhen rather thought he looked awed. The dining table they sat at and the kitchen were hardly separated. Only a partition that covered perhaps half the room from view. With The Burn preoccupied, he could hardly stop Havhen from observing Moth’ir.

Havhen had thought Bukidai might be in charge of the hot pot, seeing a Xaela would surely know more of the concept than a Eorzean born miqo’te. He was no doubt talented but it was to Moth’ir’s beck and call that he scurried. Ibuki mentioned to them that the pair had come to Kugane some time ago and that’s when Moth’ir had picked up some new techniques. Havhen was fairly impressed that anyone could simply “pick up” traditional methods from one trip but there was a great deal they did not know about Moth’ir.

Ibuki and his hyur “friend” had both spoken about Moth’ir’s prowess as a craftsman. The man had asked him to make a dress for their child and what he produced was of a higher quality than Havhen had expected. The act of putting the dress on the baby had helped Moth’ir acknowledge her and he’d since made several articles of it’s ilk. They had encouraged it because it seemed to be a source of catharsis for him. In the kitchen, Moth’ir seemed just as at home as he did with a sewing needle. Though these two fields were not the limits of his capabilities, Ibuki confirmed they were two specialties of his many interests.

He also seemed to be cooking more or less as a stress relief at the moment. As evidenced by the increasing number of plates Bukidai was producing.

“This is actually pretty early for us.”

It was a lovely little spread. Maybe more geared toward ten people than five. Ibuki had gotten her hot pot. Her eyes glittered despite the fact some of the ingredients used were… questionable in texture. It did look appetizing despite knowing where some of it had come from.

“Do you usually make so much food too?” Havhen eyed the spread and glanced to Bukidai.

“Uh…” Bukidai sheepishly responded, rubbing the back of his neck and then taking a moment to remove his neck tie as he’d suddenly become cognizant of it. “Yes and no? Traditionally, we cook a lot more but we also share with the neighborhood.”

“They do that at the end of every moon but Starlight is supposed to be special,” The Burn noted dully.

“Must be profitable in Ul’dah,” Havhen suggested without having any real clue.

“Oh, it’s all free though.” Ibuki commented cheerily.

“Who knew you were such a philanthropist?” Havhen remarked, turning around only to find Moth’ir missing. They stepped into the kitchen and found him sitting behind the partition. His head between his knees and both hands resting on the back of his neck.

“Gimme a moment.” He’d murmured, completely devoid of any venom he’d usually summon. He could only turn with a facsimile of it when Havhen sat beside him but the comment he’d expected to have to beat off never came. They simply sat there quietly.

Bukidai pretended to busy himself with the spread once again. Shooing Moth’ir’s clockwork toy off the table. He remarked “,that thing has a mind of it’s own.” A statement that started Ibuki and The Burn on a discussion on whether it had been set to follow the babe─since it was never far away from her─or if it was actually possessed. For that matter, where was the other one? None of the three had seen that one in a while. They only made indirect mentions of the man whose countenance both automatons shared. Neither Ibuki or The Burn knew what his relation was to Moth’ir though they’d seen him from time to time. Only Bukidai had any clue.

Bukidai who much preferred this to impeding on Moth’ir’s privacy any more than he already had.

They sat like that for a long time. The three younger ones chatting amicably amongst themselves while the miqo’te siblings sat out of view. After a bit, Moth’ir had gathered himself enough to pull himself to a more relaxed position. Havhen gave him a moment before risking a quiet remark “,they sound like family.”

Moth’ir only hmm’d at first. When he managed to speak, his voice was quiet too but the lack of force was from the palpable exhaustion that colored the tone. The kind of exhaustion unrelated to sleep. He replied “,Maybe they are. Ul’dah is a long way from the Steppes, Hingashi and wherever the hell The Burn fell out of.”

“Ul’dah is a long way from the Twelveswood too,” Havhen said gently as they could “,but you seem keener to keep your distance.”

“So many questions,” Moth’ir spat but even this indignation lacked fire.

“When one cannot find answers they are often left with nothing but questions,” Havhen replied pleasantly enough. It still pissed Moth’ir off.

The Burn was yelling about something but Ibuki and Bukidai were laughing. At his worst there was a request he calm down because he was disturbing the baby. Words which were also choked with laughter.

Moth’ir let them hang there. Content to sit and listen and not at all up to acknowledging what was a valid statement. He was supposed to be getting better after all but sometimes Havhen and their questions made him want to disappear into the swamp.

“If you don’t celebrate on Starlight, what do you do?” Havhen asked him, trying another angle.

Moth’ir sighed with his whole body. He tried to say “stuff” but all he managed was a weak roll of his wrist.

“You and your man must have some traditions?” Havhen offered.

Moth’ir snorted. The idea of Thancred being any one person’s was cute to him. Even after the hyur had confessed all those things to him before he’d left. Before Moth’ir had had the ability to say it back. Words that he so desperately wanted to say back. They pooled in the back of his throat and begged to be released so Moth’ir did something uncharacteristic of him and spoke about him. If just to speak of him at all. “Thancred’s not usually home when the holidays come around. ‘Specially not these last couple years but when he is it’s just a drink and then sleeping in.”

“Festive,” Havhen said with a chuckle.

Admittedly it didn’t sound like much but it had meaning for him. Maybe Thancred too. A tradition started nearly a decade ago. A rare occasion when Thancred hadn’t had any luck with any fair maiden despite his “silver tongue.” Too inebriated to make it to his lodgings but just sober enough to crash against the backdoor of Moth’ir’s home and workplace. Thancred almost looked dignified sitting there, looking like a misplaced gift from Nymeia’s Saint after Moth’ir’s very long and miserable day.

Thancred somehow talked him into one single drink for the occasion despite Moth’ir’s distaste for alcohol. So they might be on equal footing or some line of the sort. Though Moth’ir wasn’t anywhere near as intoxicated by the time he’d managed to dump Thancred in his bed. Then they’d passed out in a sleep near as deep as death itself. An act remarkable for the both of them.

All their important moments seemed to be in that bed. Very few─if any─had a thing to do with Thancred’s typical salacious activities. It was another sort of intimacy only available to them in the privacy and relative safety of Moth’ir’s room. Honestly and vulnerability that they’d not allowed themselves anywhere else. And yet...

“I didn’t realize you lived together.”

Moth’ir rolled a hand dismissively again. “Some of his stuff is at my place but I don’t think he lives anywhere anymore.”

“Too busy doing what he does.” Havhen said with some meaning. Near everyone who paid attention to the daily happenings around them had some conception of the Scions of the Seventh Dawn even if they didn’t know each member. Savior’s of the realm and at their center the indomitable Warriors of Light.

But Thancred was quite faliable. It was one of his charms.

“I don’t want to go back.” Moth’ir said so quietly Havhen almost didn’t hear him.

Havhen lightly bumped his shoulder against Moth’ir’s. “His life is largely here in Mor Dhona now, isn’t it?”

Moth’ir crossed his arms over his knees and pressed his eyes there to shut out the pressure from behind his eyes. He’d had some conception of Thancred’s work but it was something alien and distant. He imagined it was much the same for Thancred and Moth’ir’s work outside the Tavern. They’d known each other in a way that no one else did─that no one was supposed to─but they’d lived separate lives save where they let it intertwine. A special and private part of themselves tailor made for each other. It had worked. Might have continued to work but then Thancred had taken him from this hospital to the Rising Stones.

He’d met the women who’d given Thancred a shave and a haircut and found he’d liked them both despite that. Hadn’t recognized the man with the sun and stars before he spoke because he’d been missing the goggles and shroud he’d seen him in before. Lightly roasted Thancred with a Seeker woman with whom he shared new material to his friend’s chagrin. One of them would tell him if anything happened to Thancred while he was on the field. Thancred had assured him of such before he’d left.

And he’d liked that. He liked the idea that he’d be one of the first to know. He liked that Thancred had shown him context to the part of his life that had been a thin outline. But Moth’ir could never go back to waiting and wondering and subtext and half told stories they were too tired to finish telling because living it had been too much. He liked knowing and he liked being here and he knew he could never ever go back to that room. It’s privacy and false safety be damned.

He’d fooled himself into thinking he’d feel differently once he returned and started to go around the usual rounds but here he was. The same comedy routine fit like a glove but it was a glove that weighed as much as a buffalo and he was so tired. More than that: “They don’t need me,” Moth’ir said, choking back something that might have been a sob. Though he didn’t know why or what he was feeling exactly.

“It’s gonna get co~ld,” Ibuki’s voice came from beyond the partition.

Bukidai’s voice came after, raised suspiciously “,alright! alright! But make sure you don’t eat everything!” His added emphasis that the couple had had a habit of scarfing down an absurd amount of food returned to a normal pitch but the reaction to it was no less raucous.

Havhen shook their head in agreement and said “,Maybe once, but they do seem to have themselves covered now.”

“Wish I did,” Moth’ir breathed. Drawing himself up and closing his eyes, trying to center himself once more.

It was quiet between them again. The only sound coming from Ibuki singing over what was assumedly a well done meal. But Moth’ir broke the silence by turning to them and stating “,I never wanted children.”

Havhen cocked an eyebrow at him but let him continue on his own without prompting. So Moth’ir continued. “I did when I decided to keep her but I never wanted children. I don’t know how to do this and I don’t… how do we do this? I don’t know how to name kids.”

Havhen considered the distance Moth’ir had kept himself from his family and friends. They considered that he carried internalized feelings of guilt as if his abandonment was due to his own fault. The way he shied away from his daughter and the way he tormented himself for having done so. They wondered if “I never wanted” simply meant he hadn’t thought he should as if he was not worthy.

Moth’ir could simply have been asking for their opinion but the emphasis on “we” seemed like more. They did not know if he meant as keepers or as a clan. They weren’t sure if offering their typical naming conventions would be much use to him. Havhen offered a smile and said “,Oh, I’m not sure it’s all very complicated. You just pick something you think sounds nice or has meaning to you.”

Moth’ir sighed, clearly unsatisfied by that answer. Answers to a question that wasn’t the one he wanted to ask would never be sufficient.

“I think picking a name of someone important to you is suitable as well. As a tribute of sorts,” Havhen tried again despite the futility.

Moth’ir’s eyes stared upward as he considered various people whom he’d had some attachment to. It was an ordeal when one specifically kept people at arms length with few exceptions. “Can’t just name her Menphina, can I?”

“I mean,” Havhen shrugged and said flippantly “,your fellow Eorzeans might find that blasphemous but it’s your daughter.” They received a gentle elbow to the ribs for their trouble.

“Moth.”

“After your mother?” Havhen asked.

Moth’ir eyed him warily. Karga clan was very distinctly something that was his and his alone. It was never far from his mind that Havhen had only ever had their gods forsaken clan. He did not know what they saw when they thought of him and his siblings and his mother together. They all had meant the world and more to him and he misliked the idea of someone belittling that.

Havhen continued to smile at him warmly as he tried to assure him “,I think it’s a lovely name. And, from what your brother has told me, a woman deserving of such dedication.”

Moth’ir only knew that Moth’wo had trusted Havhen with the health of his brother. He’d not had a clue said brother and they were related by blood. How close the two actually were was a mystery to him. He hadn’t even ventured to ask so he had no choice but to accept the comment at face value. Or at least he had no energy to grill them about it.

Eased somewhat he turned his attention inward. He reiterated the name Moth in a whisper. More for himself than Havhen’s benefit. Making it real. Making her real. He closed his eyes and used it as a point to center himself.

Havhen ventured to tap his shoulder to grab his attention before holding their arm out, hopefully offering a hug. Moth’ir regarded them irritably but leaned his shoulder against theirs and allowed himself to be pulled closer. Havhen lightly pressed his head against Moth’ir’s and so they sat. Silent while idly listening to the other three while their minds were elsewhere. For their part, Havhen was busy committing the moment to memory. A small victory for them that may mean nothing but a memento of their brother when he left them for good but that in itself would be enough.

“Hey, you think she can eat some of this meat?” The Burn’s voice asked from beyond the partition.

Moth’ir snapped to, breaking Havhen’s precious moment. On his feet and away in a second. “You feed that baby anything and I swear I’ll kill you with my bare hands.”

Havhen let themself linger for a moment. Wrapped their arms around their knees and listening to the new argument. Havhen had been walking with Moth’ir’s ghost for over a decade. They’d been convinced of his death by their mother and it haunted them. But then he’d returned alive; so very much alive. That life had been a messy and painful one. Whether he cared to know or not, Havhen’s had been much the same. The mystery of what laid before them could very much be more of the same but that wasn’t the important part. That they were alive is what gave those lives meaning. Nothing more, nothing less. Which is why they allowed themselves a moment to linger and not a moment more.

A life must be lived.

And there was a hot pot they needed to get to before it was gone.

[be-dazzled]

The Art of Falling

Chapter II LOVE, AN ABSTRACT CONCEPT

Gray Fullbuster, Juvia Lockser, Gajeel Redfox Alternative Historical Universe Genre: Old World Vibes, Period Romance All Chapters: Click here

Writer’s Corner: I think we have to make this one alternative historical since, Juvia will obviously maintain her blue locks. She isn’t Juvia if she won’t. Also, as promised, this is going to be a monthly update. So, see you next September! Let me know what you think. Show your girl some love.

Masterlist

“Let me put this into perspective,” Lady Mika Fullbuster slowly started, trying to make sense out of Gray’s proposal, “this woman you speak of, the woman who left you beaten out in the cold, is the woman you wish to marry?”

The gentleman seated opposite her inside the carriage was looking out the window, at the passing scenery through the small frame of the horse-drawn carriage. He expelled a breath of exasperation as he repeatedly answered the question since the first night he proposed the notion.

“Mother, no matter how many times you ask, the answer will remain unchanged.” Gray did not take his eyes off the window as he answered; finding the herd of cattle tended by an old cattleman far more interesting than to keep repeating himself. So, he only heard his mother turn to the patriarch for confirmation.

“And we are going to allow this?”

“The Locksers aren’t a bad family, dear. I’ve met the gentleman many times.” There was a rustle of paper as Silver turned the page of the periodicals he was reading. “As a matter of fact, their family was one of the original settlers of Magnolia. They still have some connection, although very little.”

It took Gray a week or two to finally find the peculiar woman he met at the night of his welcome party. It came as a surprise to him when he learned that Juvia Lockser, one of the daughters of the Lockser family, had lived her entire life in Magnolia. She didn’t seem to share the genteel modesty expected of the ladies of such prestigious town. But who was he to judge as he only met him through those humiliating affairs.

“That wasn’t what I meant, dear.” The other half of the Fullbuster couple swiftly rectified. There was a slight embarrassment in her tone as she feared that her question was deemed critical of the Locksers. “I am only concerned for our son’s well-being. For him to marry a woman he just met in such an extraordinary circumstance…” She trailed off, mulling over her next words.

Gray had an idea what his mother was most worried about – that he would be bringing an unrefined lady into the Fullbuster family. It was, after all, his mother’s duty to see to it that the woman he chooses to marry was fit for the Fullbuster name. That meant that his future wife must possess all his mother’s requirements. Unfortunately, Juvia Lockser seemed to have fallen short of those requirements. So, why was he squandering time travelling to the Lockser household? He could simply not tell them the true reason. Hence, he covered with, “She is the woman I choose.” As if his words offered any explanation but certainly resolve.

“If she tickles his fancy, my love, there is nothing either of us can do about it.” He folded the paper and turned to his wife, saying his next words with finality and resignation. “The heart desires what it desires.”

His father’s words pulled Gray’s attention towards the couple who shared a look filled with silent adoration. It made Gray consider about ‘his heart’s desire’? It was preposterous to think that a heart, a living organ inside his chest, a mere tool for his blood circulation, had the ability to contemplate on wants or desires when the heart lacked a brain on its own. The mind, logic, those were the things that seek for purpose, for desire, for ends and, without a doubt, not an organ like the heart. What a preposterous notion.

Silence once again settled above their heads as the carriage continued to traverse the dirty road towards their destination – the Lockser Home.

…

“My dear, my dear! Come downstairs this instant!”

The Lockser patriarch, with his dull, blue hair sticking flatly to his head, descended the steps with lazy strides.

“What is with this commotion so early in the morning?” he riled, not sparing a glance at the woman jumping at the landing of the staircase, something she’d never done in decades.

“What’s lighting your bottoms, my dear?”

“Oh, my dear, Mr. Lockser,” she swooned beside her husband, feeling lightheaded with the news that came to her this morning, “you have no idea what fortune is about to befall our suffering family.”

“Our family is only suffering from your cry of woes, Mother.”

The Lockser sisters trailed behind their father with Eliana, Juvia and Wendy falling in line on the narrow staircase. The eldest, disapproving of Juvia’s attitude, reprimanded her with a loud slap on the shoulder.

“Don’t speak to mother in such a manner, Juvia. A proper lady only speaks politely.”

As Juvia opened her mouth and about to retort, Eli knew better to cut her off.

“What is this good fortune you speak of, Mother?”

“Oh, my loveliest daughter Eliana!” she exclaimed, caressing the eldest Lockser’s smooth skin of her cheeks with her palms. “Lord Fullbuster has sent word that they are heading to pay our family a visit!”

There was no other news that could send Mrs. Lockser into a high spirits other than even the slightest prospect of an offer of marriage from a wealthy gentleman.

“Oh, Eli!” Elmara flatted the strands of hair into Eliana’s clean and tight bun and pretended to brush imaginary dust on the Eldest’s shoulders, preparing the young lady for the destined meeting. “You must have captured the heart of the Lord’s son. Oh, what beauty!”

“But I haven’t met the Lord’s son, Mother.”

Juvia had this bitter feeling starting at the pit of her stomach. The Lord’s son? She would not have the chance to know the Lord’s son since she did not stay long enough to meet him. But somehow, she felt something she could not place a finger on. Like, something was amiss. Strangely, her mind travelled back to the night she met that debauch of an opportunist and her anger with his shamelessness made her blood boil. An ugly idea crossed her mind, but which she quickly dismissed. There was nothing noble about that lad except for his expensive coat he forced upon her which later, she realized, she badly needed. Catching herself thinking about him again, Juvia dragged herself back to reality – the bothersome reality of her mother preparing the eldest Lockser for a possible destined meeting. She couldn’t fully sort out her feelings about it; about the possibility that Juvia might have to lose her eldest sister in marriage and that saddened her. But to Eliana, she seemed enamored about the idea.

In a rush, the family’s help broke into the living room with an announcement.

“Lord Silver Fullbuster, Lady Mika Fullbuster and their son, Lord Grayden Fullbuster.”

Elmara did everything in her power not to squeal and embarrass herself and, in extension, her entire family. Fearing that she was in earshot of the guests, she restrained her voice as Mrs. Elmara Lockser spat out her orders, forcing her family to arrange some staged presentation to somehow make the Fullbusters believe that the Locksers still possessed the gentry they once held, to which her family fell uncomfortably into.

“Tell me why are we pretending to be something we are not again?”

“Just be quiet, young lady.” The reprimand was spoken through gritted teeth and an awfully pretentious smile. “Do not ruin this opportunity for your sister.”

But to this kind of larking around, Juvia saw an ally. She threw a knowing glance at her father. They shared a resigned smile and a shrug of the shoulders. Her father has long accepted that Mrs. Lockser’s priority was finding a suitable mate for their daughters. That if she failed to do so, Mrs. Lockser deemed herself an unfit mother. As the head of the family, however, Mr. Julian Lockser still had the last word.

The old wooden floors of the house creaked as it welcomed the nobility that paid the Lockser household a visit. It was Lord Silver Fullbuster himself, aided with a cane, who introduced himself first, his wife and then his son, Grayden Fullbuster, who was the one who had business to discuss with the family.

Juvia’s expression was one which seemed like she saw a ghost or thought that maybe her eyes deceived her. But her vision was clear as day. The shameless man who did all sort of unspeakable things to her back at the party now stood before her and her family, walking in with one of the most powerful and influential families in Magnolia. There was a bad feeling gripping at her, disliking the road where her thoughts led. She wanted to leave, to discreetly escape from the house. It was a tad too late as the moment his dark blue eyes locked with Juvia’s, Gray immediately recognized the woman who visited his mind quite frequently. She sternly met his gaze and he held her foreboding glare as long as he could.

Oblivious of the staring match his second daughter and the son of his guests engaged in, Mr. Lockser invited one and all to the parlor. Mrs. Lockser, who was pleased more than anyone, apologized for the current state of the room, only to give off false humility.

“We were not expecting your arrival, Your Lordship.” Elmara waved the help into the room and offered the guests her finest tea and bread. “Please, help yourself with the refreshments. I understand you have travelled far only to meet our humble family.”

“Don’t mind if I do.” Lord Silver accepted, resting his cane against his chair’s armrest and made himself comfortable on his seat. The Lady, on the other hand, was still quite reserve; contrary to the friendliness her husband displayed. Lady Mika has yet to make her mind about the Locksers. So, as her husband enjoyed himself with the offered treats, Lady Mika stated their purpose.

“We apologize for coming without prior notice.” She started. “However, I believe my son has a matter to discuss with your daughter. One which cannot be simply delayed.”

All expectant blue eyes, varied in shade, landed on the aptly dressed young lord. He was initially surprised by the sudden attention. Then, he coughed into his fist and cleared his throat before speaking.

“Yes. Our purpose for coming here.” He said inaudibly, as if reminding himself of their goal. Finally composing himself, Gray met those expectant eyes without waver. “I would like to request a private audience with your daughter...”

Juvia prayed he would say the right name as the rest of the Locksers, save her father, held their breaths.

“Ms. Juvia.”

Juvia knew what everyone was thinking; she thought of it too. How could a man of his stature look pass the real beauty in the family? Was he blind? Has he lost hold of reality?

“My daughter Juvia?” Elmara repeated, releasing the breath that hitched in her throat and voicing the question the rest of the Lockser family had in mind.

“Yes.” Gray reiterated, meeting the doubtful eyes of Mrs. Lockser, and then turned to the woman who was the purpose of his long journey. “The second daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Lockser, if she would allow.”

Albeit still quite confused, Elmara turned to her second daughter, uncertain of what to say or how to react, exactly.

“Then, Mr. Fullbuster…” Both men of the Fullbusters answered, making Juvia realize her mistake. “I meant, Mr. Grayden, please come follow me.” Juvia excused herself from the room, expecting the lad she requested to follow her where they could discuss their matter more privately.

Juvia gathered the skirt of her dress, only to pull the hem above her ankle, so she could ascend the stairs more quickly, without sparing a glance behind her. If Mr. Grayden Fullbuster lost his way around the Lockser home, she’d feel much better. She traversed the narrow hallways to bring the man to the room she shared with her sisters, only to have him keep himself behind the threshold, reluctant to take another step.

“Would it really be alright if I…” the gentleman’s voice trailed off, his dusky eyes inspecting the small room, taking inventory of its minimal contents, until he met Juvia’s reticent stare. “If I enter your personal room?”

“I invited you, haven’t I?” If he wasn’t too confident or too sure of himself when he spoke to her parents earlier, Juvia would have assumed that the gentleman who refused to enter a woman’s room without permission was a nervous wreck. She watched him hesitantly cross the threshold into her room but maintained a distance between them.

“I shall not waste your time any longer and quickly state my business.” He took a deep breath, making it quite obvious that it was his first time to be in such a situation. “It is of common knowledge by now that I am to inherit my father’s estate. It is estimated at about–” Gray’s speech was abruptly cut when something textured hit his face and darkened his vision. He removed the clothing and realized it was the coat he lent the woman the night they met.

“I assume you are here for that. It must be expensive, after all.”

This time, when Gray met her eyes, he caught him staring at the strong-willed pools, same as those the night of the fateful meeting. There was no more of that modesty she pretended she had around her family. She was, once again, the defiant girl who left him in cold blood, out in the streets after the air left his body with a single punch. This was the girl who he came here for and he was unsure why he was quite relieved when Juvia behaved more like the peculiar woman at the party.

“Ah, yes. Thank you.” Confronting a woman like Juvia left his mind all befuddled that he, for the first time in his life, was at loss for words. Gray shook his head, finding the act ironically useful to clear his mind. “But my purpose for coming isn’t just about this coat. No.” He corrected himself. “My purpose for taking the journey isn’t about this coat at all.”

With a clearer mind, his intention swam into focus. Gray stepped forward, bridging the small distance between him and the woman, and settled the coat on the bed nearest to Juvia.

“I, Grayden Fullbuster, would like to ask your hand in–”

“No! Don’t speak of it!” Juvia’s blue eyes turned into angry oceans.

Gray had to take a step back, to keep his distance as her harsh tone made him feel unwelcomed. He beseeched her eyes, searching for a reason that could possibly explain how his attempt to ask her hand in marriage might offend the woman. All he found were her deep-seated ire to his audacity and a buried ache that she probably did not wish for him to see. Perhaps Juvia saw the confusion in Gray’s remorseful stare that she chose to hide and turn her back on him. The young lord felt a bitter taste stir in the pit of his stomach, burning its way up his mouth. How a gentleman could cause a lady such pain?

“I just wanted to take responsibility for that night.”

Juvia faced him again, her face twisted in an expression of pure arrogance. “I never asked you to.”

The declaration came as another surprise. This woman, the woman standing her ground so firmly, so determinedly, was no one like any other he had met before. Gray was growing impatient that despite himself, the young gentleman had raised his voice over the lady.

“We found each other under circumstances that must only transpire between married couples. I invaded your personal space. You look at me defiantly as against tradition. I put my hands on you without permission. Yet you refuse my proposal?”

There was no more pain but her eyes held such fierce fury that burned Gray’s skin. “I am not aware of how you perceive a man and a woman should behave around each other nor would I give it time in my day. Despite appearances, Mr. Fullbuster, I am a woman who will only marry for no other reason than love.”

Before taking the journey to the Lockser Household, Gray Fullbuster had practiced his speech, selecting the words with utmost consideration. Doubts frequented his mind about the second daughter accepting his offer. With the way she carried herself so differently from the women that came before her, he had expected Juvia to act and decide reasonably. To accept the gentleman’s offer of mutually beneficial partnership was, in all sense, very logical. Grayden Fullbuster was a man who had a lot to offer: fortune and prestige as among others. Any woman would be induced to accept his proposal of marrying into the noble clan of the Fullbusters. Hence, he could not seem to fathom how a sensible woman such as Juvia would even entertain the idea of love. But Gray Fullbuster ought to laugh at himself for expecting something so usual and ordinary from an extraordinary woman such as Juvia.

His silence stretched on, making the young lady uncomfortable. In her final act of rejection, she turned away from him again, and broke the silence with her own proposal.

“I understand your Lord and the Lady have traveled this far only for it to be unfruitful. I am not the only daughter in this household.” There was a slight twinge of ache in her chest that ran deep than the mere rejection of the marriage for the wrong reasons. “You might have noticed the beauty might eldest sister possesses.” Who could have not seen and appreciated the beaut that is Eliana Lockser? “Perhaps, you’d take fancy on her.”

If she was being honest to herself, a part of Juvia wanted him to reject the idea. A part of her wanted to believe that the proposal of marriage was Gray’s sincere offer. A part of her wished he’d noticed her own charm in spite of the presence of the most beautiful Lockser sister.

A part of her, however, believed that in a world where Eliana existed, Juvia could not.

“Perhaps.”

And that part of her, laughing at her own silliness to dream, had always been right.

…

Like the way they arrived, the Fullbusters travelled back home in silence. But despite the lack of exchange between the parents and the only son, the heir of Lord Silver Fullbuster, Gray’s head was far from at peace. Juvia’s words about seeking marriage for love had Gray question his own belief system.

Love? Wasn’t love a mere chemical reaction in the brain? A by-product of the need to procreate?

“Did she accept?”

Gray lifted his gaze to meet his mother’s inquiring look. “She imposed upon me a condition.” He answered.

“What condition?”

“That I make her fall in love with me.”

Love. An abstract thought which cannot be seen nor held. Something Gray had yet to understand the concept of. That which no one could ever fully explain, not by his books or any accounts to those who fell victim to it. How, then, could he make Juvia Lockser fall in love with him?

[camillemontespan]

writing camille montespan and the problem with the TRR MC

Basically, an opinion piece about the TRR MC and a short essay on Camille Montespan. Feel free to add your own opinions and maybe write your own about your MC/OC!

@moonlightgem7 @jovialyouthmusic @ibldw-main @katedrakeohd @pug-bitch @saivilo @argylemnwrites @rainbowsinthestorm @marshmallowsandfire @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @gardeningourmet @princessleac1  @axwalker​  @mskaneko​  @emichelle​   ***************

Can we all agree that the TRR MC is slightly flawed? And perhaps a little annoying? And a hot mess with no idea of how to fit into the nobility?  Who basically improvises everything she does while stringing the King of Cordonia along (if he isn’t your LI) and solves every problem with a trip to the boutique or attending a ball?

TRR MC is not the best MC in the Choices universe and that is a hill I am willing to die on.

That’s where fanfic comes in. During my year and a half in this fandom, I’ve discovered mutuals who write stories about the TRR MC that puts the actual Choices writers to shame. MCs are fleshed out with proper back stories. The ridiculous canon story that a waitress from New York finds herself in a suitor competition in a European country - a country she’s never heard of because clearly she’s not informed on geography- is still incorporated into fics but it’s given more of a realistic twist. We are aware of how stupid the actual storyline is and so we try our best to make the best of it. Sometimes, we write AUs to fix the shit that the TRR writers have made a reality. AUs are the best.

As my writing has developed, I’ve found that I’ve created my own universe for Camille, my TRR MC. In my very first fic, This Heavy Crown, I focused more on the suitor competition and stuck to canon moments because I didn’t know you could write AUs. It was very angsty. But I found it so fun to write Camille and the fanfic writing obsession began.

Fun fact about Camille: she is actually descended from nobility. Madame de Montespan was a real life noble of Louis XIV’s court - she was his mistress. I thought it would  be fun to name Camille after Madame de Montespan because how ironic would it be to have the American commoner turn out to be more regal than fucking Madeline?!

Anyway back to my writing.

Now, I tend to write AUs that have more realistic plots. My favourite series that I’ve written has been The History of Us and I will tell you why.

MY FAVOURITE CAMILLE SERIES

The History of Us (the first chapter is missing, sadly) is where Camille becomes more than just the Duchess of Valtoria. As I wrote her, she became more of a person - which sounds ridiculous but I think my fellow writers will understand due to their own writing of their MCs! 

The History of Us is still set in Cordonia and Camille and Drake are Duchess and Duke. But that is where canon stops. My own head canons grew and became, to me, actual canon for Camille and Drake. 

In the fic, Camille takes their daughter, Lily, and leaves the family home, clearly upset with Drake. Before she goes, she gives Drake a box and tells him to go through its contents before making any contact with her. The mystery in the opening chapter is WHY is Camille leaving? All of my readers were asking ‘what did Drake do?!’ and you eventually find out as the series develops.

In a nutshell, Drake struggles to adapt to his new role as Duke (something I found the Choices writers never attempted aside from his awkward ‘things are great!’ joke). He is a fish out of water and longs for life to be normal. While Camille has flourished in her role, Drake hasn’t and the pressure gets to him. With constant media attention, Drake feels claustrophobic and so turns to alcohol to numb himself. As a result, he isolates himself from his family and Camille is left trying to hold the ship together. 

It was a challenging fic to write but I had so much fun writing more of Camille. She isn’t perfect and that is what I wanted to show. She fucks up. For the first chapters, she is very much of the idea that they present their best faces to the world and keep up their duty to Valtoria. Her Duchess hat is firmly on her head. A few of my readers were screaming in the comments that she needed to get her family out of Cordonia. I agreed with them but I knew that to make Camille realise her mistakes, she had to be stubborn and actually.. Wrong. But, as things with Drake get worse, Camille forces herself to confront what is truly important and she starts to fight for her marriage and her husband’s health.

CAMILLE IN A NUTSHELL

‘Wife and mother first, Duchess second.’ That is Camille’s motto and is something that is echoed in all of my fics. She is a fierce woman who fights Drake’s corner and the loves of her life are her family. The more confident she becomes as Duchess, the more willing she is to stick up for herself and her family. When they make decisions based on their children -eg. Sending them to a ‘normal’ school so they can mix with commoners - the nobility are outraged. But does Camille care? No. She is a lion mama who wants the best for her kids. She doesn’t want Lily and Luna to turn into stuck up rich girls. She wants them to stay grounded. 

Unlike in canon when Drake and MC go to Texas and are stuck there against their will (or was it us, the players, who were stuck there against our will?), I write that Drake and Camille visit Texas every summer. It’s a slice of normality for them and they love it there. It’s where Camille can just be Camille. When Camille isn’t a Duchess, she can be more relaxed. She goofs around and plays with her daughters. She wears more casual clothes and drinks whiskey. She is the Camille that Drake fell in love with, not that he doesn’t love her when she’s a Duchess! It’s just that the Duchess Camille is a more refined version and how polished and elegant she can be scares him sometimes, while also making him feel in awe of her. This is a woman who entered Cordonian nobility without any experience and actually listened to advice and worked hard to adapt (something TRR MC does not). Basically, Camille has two sides to her, the Duchess and the commoner, and she strikes a neat balance between the two.

I base the foundation of her character on her face claim, Meghan Markle. I find it funny when mutuals have told me in the past that when they see Meghan on TV or in magazines, they’re like ‘oh it’s Camille!’ 

Why have Meghan as an FC? Well, I feel she resembles my TRR MC closely, plus Meghan was literally an American commoner who found herself marrying into royalty. 

What I love about Meghan is how keen she is to make a difference. She threw herself into royal duties when she married Prince Harry and, like Diana before her, she made a huge impression on the people she met. I’m sad that she and Harry left their roles as Meghan had so much potential. 

So, Camille basically does the stuff that I think Meghan would do if she was still a working royal. 

Camille is a feminist who works to promote women’s equality in the workplace. She wants Cordonia to modernise (something lacking under Constantine’s rule) and now that Liam is King, that dream will become a reality. She imagines a future for her daughters where they can have any job they want and be whoever they want to be; the sky is the limit. Everything she does is for her daughters.

Despite wanting Cordonia to modernise, Camille is also respectful of their history. In my head canon, Drake and Camille discover that Valtoria used to hold Open Houses. An open house is when the people of Valtoria can visit the Duke and Duchess and talk to them about issues within the duchy. Open houses hadn’t been a thing for 200 years but when Camille and Drake discovered this old piece of history, they reintroduced the concept. Basically, Camille wants to use her platform for good - something which the TRR MC is lacking. All TRR MC does is go to balls and act like an idiot! Where is the responsibility? Where is the interest in learning more about the duchy? Why is she never at her duchy?! 

If you want to read more of Camille, I point you to the interview I wrote of her. I love writing interviews as they are like a character study and it’s so fun to delve into the personality. Writing this interview was a joy. The words flowed and I was so pleased with how it turned out. It’s the definitive piece about Camille and who she is.

[janeyseymour]

Secret Santa

My wonderful friend Ay had an idea to do a white elephant with this bunch? I don’t really understand white elephant, so I changed it a bit, and uh... this was born. I hope you enjoy!

Every year since being reincarnated, the queens did a secret santa gift exchange. This year, they added the entire diner crew. Fluff ensues.

Christmas was coming, and as usual, Jane was in the Christmas spirit as much as anybody else.

“Every year, we do a secret santa exchange between the queens and I know for a fact the others wouldn’t mind if you and your family joined in on the fun!” the queen explained to her waitress friend.

“It honestly might be better that way,” Aragon let out a laugh. “We all end up finding out who our secret santa is before we exchange gifts anyway.”

“We’d love to do that!”

“Sounds great! So, we normally draw names, well... tonight. And then, on Christmas Eve we usually exchange gifts. Although, I’m sure we could do another night if you would rather celebrate Christmas Eve with just Lulu and Jim. You’re more than welcome to hang out with us that day too though! And oh, Becky, Dawn and Ogie will surely be around too right? Maybe even Cal? We’d be more than happy to have you all. Although, again, it really wouldn’t be offensive to us if-”

“Jane, you’re rambling.”

“Oh, dammit. Sorry,” the silver queen apologized.

“There’s really nothing to apologize for. We’d love to celebrate Christmas Eve with you, and I’m sure everyone would love to participate in the secret santa exchange!”

The group of thirteen gathered at the diner one night, ready to pick names out of a hat.

“Okay, the rule is, if you pick yourself, you have to redraw. We don’t need another situation like last year,” Jane laughed, giving a pointed look at the fourth queen. The previous year, Anna had picked herself and bought herself a new car- one she crashed and totalled approximately a week later.

“Oh god, don’t remind me Seymour,” the red queen groaned in embarrassment.

“Who’s first?” When no one made a move, the blonde looked towards the youngest one there. “Well Lu?”

The girl in pigtails stuck her hand in the bowl with all of the names and picked. Thankfully, she was excelling in her reading and knew how to read each and every person’s name there. She opened it up, not letting anybody see who she had, and grinned.

“You didn’t get yourself, right love?”

“Nope! I got the perfect person!” Jane. She had gotten her Aunt Janey.

The group continued to pick until everyone had someone. Nobody had gotten themselves, and everybody had kept it a secret.

“So the other rule is it has to fit in a plastic bag from the diner. That way, when everyone brings their presents over, it isn’t given away who had who based on the bag everyone carries in. “And yes, we learned this from previous years.”

Cathy laughed, fondly remembering the time she had figured out who had who based on the bags they all carried in and who ended up with the gift bags before they had even started opening presents.

“And one final thing, keep the name of the person you have in your hand. That’s the tag we use so we can’t identify others by their writing.” Kat let out a laugh, remembering she knew in previous years who her secret santa was based on handwriting alone.

And so, there they were on Christmas Eve, having eaten more than they had on Thanksgiving and laughing more than they ever had.

“Lu, are you excited for Santa to come?” Anne bounced the little one in her lap.

“I am! I hope Santa brings you guys everything you want too!” The girl beamed, always thinking of others. “Can we start our secret santa present thingy so I can go to bed so Santa can come?”

“I think that’s a great idea miss Lu!” Jenna beamed at her daughter. It was becoming a hassle to get her daughter to go to bed these days, so her wanting to go to bed was a welcomed change.

“So, how do you guys run this thing?” Becky looked towards Jane for guidance.

“Well, we usually all sit on the floor in a circle,” Jane began and gestured for everyone to move before continuing. “And since we all put our bags under the tree, why don’t we just all pass the bags out? Lulu can start since she’s the youngest, and then whoever her secret santa is can go next and so on. Who wants to play Santa this year?”

“Me!” Lulu’s hand shot up, and she was out of the second queen’s lap in an instant.

The little one had passed out everyone’s presents, and

“Go ahead little Lu,” Anne beamed, hoping that her younger friend would like her gift.

The girl opened her present with no hesitation, her mouth agape once she saw what was in the bag: a new apron with all of the queens’ assigned colors in stripes with the addition of a purple stripe. “Woah! This is amazing! Thank you secret santa! I love it!”

“Who do you think gave you the gift?” Jim questioned.

“I don’t know, but whoever did, thank you!” Lulu exclaimed, already having put the apron on proudly.

“Hun, the point of the game is to guess who gave you the gift,” Becky told her gently.

“Oh!” the girl laughed, a bit confused but happy to go along with the game. “I think... Lina!”

“Wasn’t me mija,” the first queen shrugged. “Guess again?”

“Aunt Janey?”

“Good guess love, but it wasn’t me either. One more guess,” the silver queen laughed.

“Annie?”

“Bingo!” The green queen exclaimed. Lulu immediately launched herself at the woman with space buns.

“Oh my gosh Annie, thank you so much! I love it!”

“I’m glad you like it! I worked pretty hard on it!” Nobody but Jane knew the truth in that statement. The second queen had caved and asked- no. begged- Jane to teach her how to sew in order to make this present.

“I love it! It has all of your colors from the show! But, what’s this purple here for?”

“Well, I figured, you might like to have your own color!”

(Lulu would claim her favorite color was purple for the rest of her life.)

“Okay Annie, it's your turn to open your present!”

“Wheels for my heelies? Bro! This could be anyone!”

“Look a little closer,” Becky stifled a laugh.

“What? Wait, turtles? This could only be from Dawn!”

“You caught me,” the waitress with glasses blushed.

(The silly queen would always make sure to put these wheels in when Dawn was around.)

“A new turtle pin!” Dawn grinned and happily attached it to her shirt. “Thank you to uh,” the waitress glanced at it and remembered all of the queens’ respected colors. “Catherine!”

“I think it’s safe to say everyone here has earned the right to call me Catalina, or even Lina,” the first wife said genuinely.

“Thank you Lina.” Dawn smiled at the nickname.

(That pin became her second favorite- right under the turtle pin that Ogie gave her as a wedding present.)

“These are beautiful.” The golden queen admired the beautiful earrings that she had received.

“Any guesses?”

“Jane?”

“It wasn’t me, and I really don’t know who it’s from,” the blonde said earnestly.

“Cathy?”

“Not from me.”

“Jenna?” The head waitress shook her head no.

“What the-”

“It’s from me,” the usually gruff cook said shyly as he raised his hand quietly.

“Thank you Cal.” Catherine went about taking her Christmas earrings out and putting her new ones in. “They’re beautiful.”

“I hope you like them.”

(Catherine wore them to a press junket. Cal noticed and smiled to himself. He was glad she liked them enough to wear on a red carpet. When the gold queen was asked about the beautiful earrings, she was happy to tell the world a close friend named Cal gave them to her.)

“A new apron? And a new spatula?” Cal looked confused. In reality, this could be from anyone. “Jenna?” the brunette made a ‘no’ gesture. “Jim?”

“Nope.”

“Look a little closer at the spatula,” Cathy spoke up. “ Tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers” was engraved into it.

“Shakespeare?” Cal looked a bit bewildered.

“It means that if a cook can’t bear to eat his own food, he isn’t a very good cook, and we all know you’re one of the best around,” Cathy explained, a tint of red shading her face. “And I’ve noticed that your apron is stapled to keep it together. Figured you might like a new one.”

“I- Thanks Cath.” The man smiled one of the most genuine smiles any of his coworkers had ever seen. Jenna would be sure to tell Cathy how much that present had meant to him, because the lord knew that Cal wasn’t very good at expressing his feelings.

(It didn’t go unnoticed that the spatula was used exactly once before it hung in a shadowbox that the cook would touch for good luck every time he walked into the diner for the rest of his time working.)

“Bookmarks? This could quite literally be from anyone,” the writer laughed. “Who do I have left to choose from?” She surveyed the room before noticing that a certain mother wouldn’t look her in the eye. “Jenna?”

“Yeah?”

“How did you know I needed new bookmarks?” She truly thought that only her fellow queens would pick up on the fact that she was using strange objects as bookmarks.

“I’ve seen the way you’ll use anything as a bookmark, but I’ve never seen you use a proper bookmark,” Jenna explained. “For crying out loud, I saw you use a soda can tab the other day.”

“I-” the sixth queen was truly stunned. And then, she got a closer look at the bookmarks. They were beautiful- all different shades of blue, but each had delicate details and accents with her fellow queens colors. “These are beautiful. Thank you.”

(She would go on to use these bookmarks for the rest of her days, alternating between the different bookmarks.)

“A new pie dish!” the baker exclaimed with glee. “Oh how wonderful! Thank you!”

“Who’s it from?” Jim questioned.

“It’s from-,” Jenna eyed up the pie dish for a long while before catching that on the side in small and crisp writing it read, “ all i wanna do is bake... all i do is sing... all i do is bake and sing” “-Thank you Kat.”

“You’re welcome,” the pink haired queen tried to say it casually. “Hope you like it.”

“I love it. And I love the reference to the musical.”

(Whenever she brought over pie to the queens from that day forward, she made sure to bake it in the pie dish that the fifth queen had gifted her.)

“A book on American history...?” Katherine grinned, knowing exactly who gave it to her. “Thank you Ogie.”

“I thought since you liked British history so much, you might like to read up on American history now that you live in the states,” Ogie offered. “If you don’t like it though, I can surely think of something else to get you.”

“That won’t be necessary. I love it. Thank you.”

(Kat would stay up late into the night reading about the fascinating history of the country she now resided in. Cathy would find her asleep the next morning with the book in her lap before leaving the room. She returned with the bookmark matched with her friend’s color and bookmark the page for her, but not before attaching a sticky note that read, “ I expect this to be returned to me when you wake up.” When Ogie was playing Paul Revere the next time, the fifth queen was in the front row watching her friend reenact her new favorite part of history.)

“Wow! This is beautiful! Almost an exact replica of the one the Paul Revere wears in my reenactments! Thank you!”

“Well, who do you think got it for you hun?” Dawn also admired the new coat her husband had just been given.

“I- I- I, Cleves?” he guessed. Surely, this was a rather expensive gift, and everyone knew that the red queen had money to spare.

“Nope, wasn’t me.”

“Becky?”

“You wish. I’m not going to encourage your-”

“That’s enough Becky. My daughter is in the room,” Jenna scolded her boisterous friend.

“She won’t encourage his what, Mama?” the little girl in the room stared up at her mother with wide eyes.

“Nothing to worry about hun. Just some adult stuff.” The baker hoped that would be enough. It seemed to work- the girl was back to asking Ogie who he thought gave him the coat.

“Jim?”

“I thought you might like to have it the next time you go on for Revere. That other guy’s coat is huge on you.”

“Thank you Jim!” The elf-man lunged to hug his friend.

“This tie is stunning Jane,” the lanky doctor said confidently.

“How’d you know it was me?” The silver queen was shocked. She didn’t think it was that obvious who she had. She certainly didn’t slip up and tell Jenna either.

“It’s silver.”

“Oh.” In all honesty, the blonde didn’t even realize she had bought a tie in the color that she had been assigned all those years ago. She was just drawn to it.

“Thank you.”

(Jim wore the tie to the second opening night for SiX on broadway many years later. Jane cried when she recognized the tie.)

“Aren’t you going to open your gift?” Cleves asked the third queen expectantly.

“Oh, I guess I just got so... wrapped up in watching everyone else open their gifts!” The punniest queen grinned.

“Just for that, you lose your turn. You go last,” Cleves retorted as she went to open her present.

“Well, I only know one woman who would buy me a designer athletic bag. Thank you Becky!” the red queen acknowledged the rowdy waitress.

“Yeah, yeah. Not a problem. I figured you might like to carry your things in it instead of that small little bag you have.”

“Thank you.”

(Anna of Cleves would use that bag until it ripped, and then she retired it so that she could keep it forever. Becky would be happy to buy her another bag when she needed it.)

“Cleves!” Becky gasped.

“What?”

“These shoes!”

“I’ve seen the shoes you guys wear while you’re waitressing. I read up on these shoes a lot. They’re supposedly really comfortable and they’re stunning. All leather.”

(Becky was more than happy to throw away the ratty pair of shoes she had been wearing since Jenna started working at Joe’s Diner all those years ago and replace them with the shoes Cleves had bought her. And when a new pair showed up at her house a few years later with a note that read: bitchin’ kicks! , well, Becky let out a full-on belly laugh.)

And that left Jane to open her present.

“Well, go on, open it hun,” Jenna encouraged her friend.

Jane was expecting some sort of artwork from the little girl who was no doubt her secret santa. What she wasn’t expecting was a handmade mug with the little girl’s thumbprints in the shape of a heart- under it reading “ Best Aunt”. At the sight of it, the blonde’s eyes welled with tears.

“Thank you Lulu,” she choked out.

“What is it?” Anne asked, curious as to what could elicit such a reaction from her costar.

“It’s a best aunt mug,” Jane whispered.

“Hey, I thought that was me! You little rascal!” both Anna and Becky exclaimed at the same time.

“D-do you like it Aunt Janey?” Lulu stood from her spot in her mother’s lap and resituated herself in the third queen’s, hugging her.

“I absolutely love it, and I love you. It’s perfect. Thank you so much honey.”

(Jane would never use another mug again, nor did she let anyone else in the house use it. It was her mug, and no one dared to touch it.)

After the gift exchange was over, the group settled in to watch a movie, more than happy to spend all of the time in the world together. The youngest member of the group hadn’t strayed from her surrogate aunt’s side, more than happy to snuggle into the warmth that the older woman radiated. It wasn’t long before she was snoring quietly in the arms of her favorite queen.

“You’re all more than welcome to stay the night if you want,” Catherine offered knowing how tired the bunch had become.

“As much as we’d love to,” Jim began before Jenna interrupted.

“It might be easier to have her just sleep here instead of trying to get her into the car and then into bed without her waking up.”

“That’s a fair point. But, all of the gifts are at our house babe.”

“Hey, it’s not a big deal if you guys stay, and it’s not a big deal if you don’t stay. We all know you’re all gonna end up here again in the morning anyway, so it’s totally up to you.” Anne waved a dismissive hand.

“We wouldn't want to impose,” Dawn muffled a yawn.

“We’ve got more than enough room between the living room and the basement, but it’s up to you,” Cathy mumbled, half asleep against Catherine.

“If you guys don’t mind,” Jenna smiled. The six queens all quickly reminded her that it was their idea. “Okay, so Santa’s presents are still at my house, so we’re gonna have to-”

“I’ll go with Jim and get it all together for you, don’t worry Jenna,” Ogie offered.

“I’ll go with them. They need a man to get this job done.” Cal stood and grabbed his coat, the other two men following suit.

“Alright girls, head to bed, Jenna and I can stay up for the boys.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Becky grumbled, picking herself up and heading towards the basement, pulling a half-asleep Dawn with her.

“Goodnight Janey,” the queens all stood and kissed the mother figure of the house on the cheek before retreating to their rooms.

“I better take Lu down-”

“You guys can stay in my room. I’m sure Annie won’t mind a bedmate for the night.”

“I can’t take your room from you.”

“You can. I insist. Lu isn’t going to sleep on one of the couches!”

“But it’s your room.”

“Okay, I do have that pullout in my room. I can sleep on there, and the three of you can have my bed.”

“I’m not taking your bed from you!”

“Well Lu surely isn’t sleeping on that pullout! Not the night before Santa’s coming!”

“Lu can stay with you then. Jim and I will take the couch.”

“But, you’re going to wake up sore.”

“So would you if you slept on it.”

“But you’re my guests.”

“We’re hardly guests at this point.”

“You don’t live here.”

“We might as well.”

“Just take my offer.”

“You’re sleeping in your own bed Seymour. Lu can stay with you, and Jim and I can take the pullout. That’s final,” the brunette turned on her mom voice.

“Damn Hunterson. No need to pull out the mom voice on me!”

“There is a need!”

“Okay, okay!” Jane laughed putting her hands up in mock surrender. “I suppose you win this round. Let’s get her to bed before the Santas arrive.”

The men arrived a while later, promising the two women who had stayed up that they could take care of setting out all the presents.

“Dawn and Becky are downstairs. There’s more than enough room for all of you to stay down there comfortably,” Jane informed them.

“Jane’s been kind enough to share her room with us for the night,” Jenna told her husband. “Lu’s gonna stay with her and we’re gonna stay on the pull-out. Hope that’s alright.”

Jim nodded before instructing the other men on where to put Lulu’s presents.

Although the two women had been told they were more than welcome to go to bed once Jim, Ogie, and Cal arrived back, they stayed and watched them diligently. Satisfied with the display that had the queens’ presents to each other (because of course they all got each other presents on top of their secret santa exchange) as well as the additional presents from the diner gang, everyone set out to bed.

Christmas Day had arrived, and at exactly 5:03 am, Jane Seymour was woken by a small child poking her cheek incessantly.

“Aunt Janey!” she whispered. “It’s Christmas. Do you think Santa came? Do you think Santa knowed I stayed here instead of at my own house?”

“Lu, it’s 5 in the morning. I don’t know if Santa came yet. Why don’t we give him a couple more hours to make sure he knows you’re here and not home?”

“This is like my home!” the little one whisper-shouted, melting the blonde’s heart.

“That’s so sweet of you to say hun. Why don’t we go back to sleep for a little bit though? It’s very early, and you know how your girls like their sleep.”

“Hmm,” Lulu thought this over for a second. “I guess you’re right. Good night Aunt Janey. Merry Christmas, and love you.”

“I love you too little Lu,” the blonde sighed as her surrogate niece snuggled into her side for a few more hours.

Opening presents was about as chaotic as anyone could guess in the house with thirteen people in it. After presents were done, Cal set out to make breakfast for everyone, muttering that if he couldn’t do that, what kind of cook would he be? It didn’t go unnoticed by the writer that he used his new spatula and apron as opposed to one of the spatulas in the queens’ house, the first and only time he ever used the kitchen tool.

“Hey Jenna?” Jane called from her place on the couch. The baker looked over at her friend inquisitively. “I have one more present for you.”

“What? You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Well, maybe it’s not for you, per se. It’s for the little one inside of you.” The third queen stood and walked towards the Christmas tree before almost magically producing one last present from under it.

Jenna opened the present with care and glanced at it before bursting into tears.

A simple onesie that said “ Heart of Gold, Green, Silver, Red, Pink, and Blue” .

“We thought it might be nice to give you for the new baby. We already love him or her so much.”

(When Olivia Pomatter arrived in the world, it was the first onesie the Hunterson-Pomatter duo put their new daughter in. Jane cried.)

[agl03]

Final Predictions:  How did I do?

What I got will be in BOLD and if I feel I need to add notes they will be in italics.  Might have to toss in a keep reading line because it is long.

Everyone’s favorite villains, Nathaniel, Kora, and SIBYL will all make it to the finale while Garrett will be killed or locked up by the end of the first hour (and it will use some of Fitz’s tech).

SIBYL will eventually get herself a new body.

Nathaniel will turn on Kora and try to take her powers and/or kill her.

Kora has already turned on him and he/we just don’t know it yet.  Either betrays him and helps her sister or tries to kill him herself in revenge for her mother.  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.  

Daisy will be the one to end Nathaniel and it will be oh so satisfying giant fight scene….even if we have to wait until the second hour for it.  Bonus points if Sousa get a hit in first too

Coulson, May, and Elena are able to get to space thanks to Coulson’s new computer Genius Super Power OR Garrett is ordered to bring them so they can lord their victory over them all.  

Even though they have pretty much ended Shield and Hydra in the “hot mess” timeline SIBYL and Nathaniel set their sites on the OG Timeline and/or Fitz once they realize he has come into the mix and ruins their plans in the hot mess timeline..   As they are both aware he is the one who ends their little party.

The Chronicoms will not all be super thrilled with what SIBYL has been up too or her methods.   This could be another thing that drives SIBYL into the OG Timeline.  

The battle between SIBYL and Coulson seems to have gotten a bit more personal so my money is on Coulson being the one to take her down.   Close second goes to May and Fitzsimmons.

Diana didn’t only block Memories of Fitz it took out the memories of people associated with him.  IE she is not going to remember her friends or Deke.

Deke will earn her trust quickly and be an A+ overprotective grandson of his Nana as they are rescued and get back to the team.

The team will rescue Deke and Jemma, take out a few Chronicoms, and Independence Day their way out of there.

While it won’t be the romantic Philinda some fans want we will see some quality Philinda banter over the finale as it seems they’ve settled into a good place between the two.   Coulson has also passed the torch of “team parent” onto her.

Philinda will not end as a couple.

At some point Sousa is really going to question what is going on and his life choices.  AKA He looks around stunned at what is going on.

More quality Dousy flirting and banter….they will kiss again and I do see them being a couple when things end.

Fitzsimmons family feels just a lot of them over the whole finale.  Iain and Elizabeth are going to murder us with feels.  I mean Fitz with his little girl.  I shall perish.

Despite not knowing everyone Jemma is going to be super insistent on building or activating a device (that has been stashed on the Zephyr) that she doesn’t know what it does but just knows she needs to build and activate it.  She will be the only one who can activate it and possibly it will take something very personal of hers to turn it on.  IE how she was hiding Fitz’s ring/necklace in Season 6 she might have the key hiding again.  But lets all freak out that Jemma will literally be the key to getting Fitz.

We won’t see Fitz until near the end of 12 if he is not the cliffhanger.  

That Bar place in the promo pics is either Keonig’s Bar or the Playground of the hot mess Timeline.  Seems to be some sort of secret Shield Base or what is left of them after the big attack as there are some random Shield agents milling/wth/who are these people in the background.  We know The Playground was off the books in the OG Timeline and would make sense it was also in the Hot mess.

Jemma will have her memory resorted relatively quickly after Fitz Kool Aid Man’s in all Star Lord from the portal thing Jemma activates.  And it’ll be the freaking power of her love for Fitz/her Family that overloads her (Gimme my Framework fix here).  Or Fitzsimmons have a fail safe password.  BUT GIMME TRUE LOVE.  Okay I’m calling this one close enough!

CUE THE SECRET CHILD REVEAL!!!!!!!!!!   Yes, I will be screaming.  The team will be stunned.

I’m sticking to my theory that they will give their daughter a “celestial” or astronomical name to pay off “One of these days we’ll find something magnificent out in space,” thing from Season 3 (especially if she was conceived on the way back from Kitson).  Or a name that is very reflective of their Scottish/English roots.  

Everyone needs to hold onto their hats because once Jemma has her memories back it will be because they are gonna want to get home to their Little Girl like yesterday and have one hell of a plan that involves saving the world and taking care of Nathaniel, SIBYL, and the Season 6 Finale attack on the Lighthouse.

This is likely where a ton of the Flashbacks come in.

Where has Fitz been?  He’s been back in our OG Timeline.  The finale confirmation for me came last week when Nathaniel revealed that SIBYL’s time stream couldn’t see him….or their daughter, and that thing sees EVERYTHING in the HOT MESS Timeline.  This would also be why Jemma’s messages didn’t reach him, she couldn’t get them to cross into the OG Timeline and this was something she would have known but Diana blocked as part of hiding where Fitz was.

How has Fitz been watching the Chronicoms?  Insert incredibly complicated timey whimy thing the writers came up with that me and my Marketing degree can not fathom so just go with it okay, via the using the Framework in the OG Timeline to get into the Chronicom’s system.  Little pay back for what SIBYL has been doing in the Hot Mess Timeline.  Him being connected to the Framework explains why he was so exposed.  Because when someone is hooked up to that thing they can get their heads cut off and not know it.

Now reunited and having dropped the baby announcement Fitzsimmons will present the plan for the “Final Mission” the team must embark on to save the world….again.  

And oh baby is it complicated.  

Part of said plan will have them back at the Lighthouse during the Chronicom attack.

The dudes that showed up with Jemma at the Temple will be explained.  IE I think its some of the team and they cleared out of the Zephyr before the time travel party got started.  They also may have grabbed other hunks of the monoliths.

The fight will take place in both the Hot Mess and OG Timelines  

We have not seen the last of the Monoliths.  The fact we are jumping timelines and have Flint in the mix over in the OG timeline makes me think they are gonna need Mr. Swirly’s help in doing said jumping (Mr. Swirly is the Grey Monolith).  Or they really go with the OG and its Harold (Black Space one) that allows for it.  Kind of fitting the Monolith that tore Fitzsimmons apart is now the one that reunites them.  

We will for sure see Enoch (via Flashback), Davis (please not by Flashback #davislivesagain), Piper and Flint as returning Favorites.  

If they have Davis back to life I just gesture exhaustedly at the Monoliths again.  Not even gonna try to explain it.

Small chance we run into the Hot Mess’s Timeline Enoch but he will have no relationship or connection to the team and will make me cry.  

Top Picks for SURPRISE not on the Press Release faces to pop up if we get them:   Ward (I mean really how have we not seen him again yet), Mace, Robbie, Bobbi, Hunter, Koenig (any of them) and Mike.    REALLY WANT IT BUT WON”T GET IT!   Dadcliffe  But YOUNG VICTORIA HAND HECK YES!

Who was keeping Fitzsimmons Daughter safe:  

Top Pick:  Piper and Flint:  Given Fitzsimmons would have run into them picking up the Zephyr and they could have been the “we had help” they talked about.

Second Place Because I Badly want him back:  Uncle Enoch 2.0

Left Field Surprise Option:  Huntingbird

LOLA RETURNS

We will get a lot of really fun callbacks to past stories or even lines IE “I’m just the Pilot” For May.

“What We Are Fighting For”:  Family.  The team family….and the Fitzsimmons family.  Also they will have gone 13/13 in that someone will say the titles name at some point in the episode.

We will see old weapons and tech from previous seasons make one last appearance, we’ve seen 2 so far in promos and will see more.

Shotgun Axe gets a proper send off in battle (this one is for Kiddo 3)

Bear will deliver the most amazing soundtrack that we’ll never get to buy.

Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story (Sorry Couldn’t Resist)

Nathaniel:  Dies, and we will all cheer.

SIBYL:  Dies, and we will all cheer.

Garrett:  Dies or locked up, won’t make it to the second hour.

Kora:  Toss a coin.  If she dies she killed for trying to take down Nathaniel.  If in her betrayal of Nathaniel she helps Daisy get Jemma and Deke back that could be a good starting place for the sisters to work thing out.   Starting place, she has a long way to go to get in good with Daisy and setting up an 11th hour redemption arc.

Mack:  Still so nervous for him based on how he has been in interviews, especially the SDCC ones last year.  He was so clearly upset by it.  So Mack either falls or does something so out of character (Bails before the finale battle which just is not making sense to me Mack is in such a good place right now) for Mack that Henry was upset by it.  Essentially I am very confused because what I am seeing on screen now isn’t matching with how Henry was talking as Mack has really come around since his Endgame stage.   Henry really I have no idea why you were so upset!

Elena:   Easily lives.  If Mack doesn’t die, wherever he lands she’ll be with him.  They’ve been a steady ship all season and I see no reason for them to break up outside of death.  And while I have a mountain of concerns for Mack, I have none for Elena..   I also see her still being a presence within Shield, she’s become a good solid agent, and bonus points if she keeps Flint with her….and he gets all the tacos he wants.  

Sousa:   Totally lives (they might give us a good fake out though because he and Daisy are becoming a thing)I can still see him being Director of Shield if Mack falls or steps down.   He’s a good Agent in a new time but he said he is right where he is supposed to be, at Daisy’s side.  Where she goes he goes.  IE he’s not letting her get away and will always be there after she runs into a wall.  So if Daisy leaves Shield, so will he.  If she stays so will he.  If she opens a coffee bar he’ll learn to make an espresso.  

Daisy:   Totally Lives, but there will be something about her ending that some fans won’t like and some fans are going to love.   Staying with Shield or no whatever she does will involve Inhumans be it the Secret Warriors are up and running again, she is mentoring and training new Inhumans coming into Shield, or my favorite option still is she reopens Afterlife.  I’ve been feeling that option for most of the Season and feel like it was really set up with Jaiying as was Daisy looking out for her little sister should the chips fall the right way.     The SS Dousy will be sailing right along.  IF Kora survives I can see her being in Afterlife as well, Daisy taking her mother’s passion that Kora has a good heart to heart herself.  

Deke:   Okay this one is weird because I feel like we are going to lose him somehow, but he won’t die.  I didn’t get the vibe from Jeff, Elizabeth, or Iain that he died and those three are pretty tight.  However,  in that I don’t think I’m going to get my Fitzsimmons Family all settling down in a giant castle in Scotland together.  They set up for him to make a sacrifice, he’s grown, and has something he’s really truly fighting for.   I have loved seeing how close he and Jemma have gotten and how fiercely he’s protected her and her secret.  Even in the face of torture he didn’t betray her.  It will come as no surprise if he doesn’t sacrifice himself somehow.  Either in taking a hit for his family or doing something similar to what he did in Season 5 to make sure they got home.  Bringing things full circle.   He also expressed that he wouldn’t mind being stuck in the hot mess timeline in ‘83.  He built himself a nice life there and Nathaniel did a pretty good job of taking out Hydra…with just a bit of Shield hanging on.  So if it comes down to it I don’t see him minding if he gets stuck there.  Sure him saying goodbye to Nana and Bobo is gonna hurt like Hades but if he ends up alive, I’m good.  

Fitzsimmons:  Both live, yes they will scare the crap out of us more than a few times especially after we know about the daughter, but they will live.  Totally peace out, we’ve done our time, leaving Shield with the adorable daughter and its Perthshire or Bust.   They’ve sacrificed enough and will not be willing to risk it again.

May:   Lives and reminds us all that she is one hell of a pilot.  If Mack decides he wants to step down, dies, whatever I’ll throw her back in contention for Director, especially as I see Sousa Following Daisy if she leaves.  Coulson seemed to have set her on that path and at the very least passed the “Team Parent” torch onto her, that it would be her job to give the Coulson talks to those who needed it.  If she’s not Director, she’ll be whomever is right hand, or I still have that option for the Academy being up and running and she’s running that, training the next generation.

Coulson: Lives.I know SHOCKING.   I think he was very ready to throw in the towel after spending 20 months in the TV but then Enoch’s moving words in his death were what changed his mind about ‘powering down” when this is all over.  Coulson realizes that yes, while it is hard to be the one to leave it is harder for the ones that are left behind but it’s also necessary that they move on, and live for those they have lost before.  Like Sousa and Fitzsimmons, he’ll be another that they’ll fake out death a few times.   I see him leaving Shield though, taking Lola and finally just going and seeing the world, watching the history he loves so much happen.  We get to see him driving around or even off in Lola for the last time.   Other options include he does something that will allow him to totally run with his new super computer super power.  The final thing I can see him doing is being the coolest professor at the newly rebooted Academy.  

[jj-ktae]

Papers, I

Title : Papers Pairing : Park Jinyoung x Fem!Reader Genre : Victorian Era, Romance, Fluff, Angst, smut-ish,  Words : 3076 Summary : In the merciless 1850′s, Park Jinyoung finds solace in tiny pieces of paper and their owner.

Will be updated every Wednesday at 9 p.m CEST.

Prologue  ➳  II, III,

I,

Jinyoung wouldn’t call himself lucky. He doesn’t believe in such subjective things and his mind only sees things from a direct perspective. He knows a writer should be less down-on-earth, but he finds it hard to be laid back when everything is so harsh around him. 

He doesn’t even know why he assumes he has to think like a writer.

It’s probably because it is the only future he can foresee.

He receives an answer to each notes he leaves behind him. The conversation is casual but Jinyoung finds it more stimulating than any other mundanities. He is tired of having to avoid the other students and being ignored. It might be what the etiquette is about, but neither him nor his friends will ever understand the difference between two similar human beings.

They all blame it on the lack of education at the orphanage. It’s true that things were hard and revolved around beating up kids more than functional education but Jinyoung doesn’t get how it makes him unworthy of picking up a classmate’s handkerchief to give it back to him.

Jackson hates every minute of these moments. He hates how he has to stare at the ground or keep quiet when he hears the others talk about them like they carry the plague. Jaebeom ignores the whole situation, his introvert side taking the upper hand now while he would end up in nasty fights back then at the orphanage. 

This is exactly why he enjoys the candid answers he gets. He starts wondering who the person is, what they do, where they live. He doesn’t say much about himself; he knows enough to shut his mouth on the part where he is an orphan. Maybe the other one will stop answering, maybe he will have to deal yet again with that social difference. 

So cowardly he calls himself a literature student, a writer wannabe who lives in the rich part of the city. He writes no name after his notes, and he gets none in return. While he interacts with The art student, he begins his own narrative. It builds up slowly, with steady steps about the encounter of two people and lost pieces of paper. He starts again and again, never satisfied until he gets a note that offers more answers to his own interrogations. Jinyoung ends up imagining so many scenarios that it almost turns him crazy but for the very first time in his damned life he feels alive, eaten by something that isn’t hatred.

He even forgets about his surroundings and it feels like heaven. 

“Did they tell you about themselves?” Jaebeom barely questions him about it. He understood one thing about Jinyoung, and it doesn’t involve explicit talk. “You seem to be….vivid, these days.” 

Jinyoung looks up from his old notebook, his brow furrowed as the sun blinds his vision. They never stop outside, they barely let themselves feel vulnerable outside of their home. Society is about showing the bright things and they aren’t part of the jewels of the country. “I didn’t ask,” he says, closing the book with careful hands. “If I try, I will have to do the same.”

“Fair enough,” his friend answers, yawning so wide he receives curious glances from the other students. “You don’t want them to know who you are, but don’t you want to know who you’re talking to?” 

“I do,” Jinyoung chuckles, “but it doesn’t matter. I get answers, so it is enough for me.” 

Jaebeom leans against the wall, smiling when he sees two young students greet each other with stupid bows and fake smiles. “How do you think we would be living if our parents were still alive?”

It makes Jinyoung sigh way too loudly. “I don’t think about such things. It’s not like we can change anything.”

Jackson’s loud voice startles the whole tiny garden, putting it to silence as everyone stares at the sweaty boy. “Am I late?” He pants. 

Jinyoung looks around, doing his best to ignore the soft yet sharp comments ringing into his head.

“Let’s go.” Is all he says before getting up and escaping as fast as he can toward the classroom. 

He finds the anticipation of a new note way too stimulating. 

--

A  woman. 

It’s a young woman. 

Jinyoung didn’t expect the person to be a young lady. He barely comes across any at this tiny school. It’s a small academy of literature and arts, it has nothing to do with the big and horribly expensive schools of the city. It has its standards though and it’s filled with young people, fancy and fitting perfectly.

It changes everything. There are a thousand things you can’t say and do around a lady, so there must be the same rules for writing. Jinyoung takes his own piece of paper and coughs, not sure why his handwriting becomes so neat.

“A girl ?” Jackson’s voice startles him as his ideas vanish yet again. His friend observes the piece of paper, lips pursed. “aren’t they...not supposed to do such things?”

Jinyoung nods, surprise still visible on his usually neutral features. “These hold no face, it is only paper and ink. She must think of me as one of notables’ son and it gave her courage.”

His friend scoffs, “Does this even help you?” he whispers, letting the paper fall softly on the table.

Jinyoung doesn’t answer. 

It does.

He thinks for a minute before picking the note. It’s nothing but small talk, nothing important but he reads it over and over again.

I am an only child and I have no plans for the future. I just end up coming here and on a not so hectic day I found your note. I have to say it is not common for a young lady to do such tricks…

Tricks. Is this how they call it, in the mundane world ? Maybe it’s a distraction for you, something you do because you’re not allowed to. It’s probably the only thrill you get on a boring day and Jinyoung understood you fully.

He starts writing when his brain summons him to stop overthinking things again.

I understand.  I am an only child too, but my comrades are like brothers to me. Never did I think that I would get an answer initially and judging from the way you present yourself, I would have put my guess on a fellow gentleman. I suppose boredom makes us do the unthinkable.Tell me more about your week next time and as insignificant as it will likely be, I will let you know about mine. 

Jinyoung doesn’t need to ask as Jackson offers his chewing-gum silently with a wink. He puts it tight against the wood before crossing his arms.

--

A gentleman. 

He is a man. 

You pick up the note with shaky hands, not believing what you just read. You thought it was a lady, someone who was bored and needed distraction. It is not behaviour for a gentleman, as bored as he can be. You are not supposed to interact with them and considering the situation, you are not to interact with anyone.

Answering would mean not following proper etiquette, and you’ve transgressed a few rules already.

Still, he seems to be puzzled, as if eager to know more about a lady who would be daring enough to do such things. There is no harm in continuing and he has no clue about who you are exactly. The lack of interactions between you and the rest of the people assures a certain hideout.

He will never know. He must never know. 

You look around, the silence evident and deafening. Each answer is a risk you’re not sure you’re willing to take. 

As you pick up a forgotten piece of paper and rip a corner, you pray for tranquillity. 

You will probably be disappointed as I’m afraid nothing exciting happened so far. It is repetitive, filled with night and day. I come and I go in silence, avoiding society. I don’t loath my surroundings but I fear the dexterity of social gatherings. I might not be cut for such a delicate exercise. I stay away, running when I can and watching when I have to -

Maybe it’s too personal. He shouldn’t guess anything, especially not your hatred toward your own self.

“Y/N! If anyone sees you we will be in trouble!” The high-pitched voice makes you nod, your eyes meeting the worried features of your friend’s face.

“I’m almost done!”

- I act like i am complaining but be assured that I enjoy life as far it can take me. I had a busy day filled with nothing worth sharing. I will probably let you know if anything exciting occurred in my next note, if you are still inclined to keep the exchange. Do not forget to let me know about your week as you promised. 

You use the same gum to hide the note  - and you hope he doesn’t notice it, before getting up and leaving. 

“You will be the end of me, Y/N.” Your friend whispers angrily as you leave the classroom. She is fidgeting with worry as her eyes wander the corridor.

“Nothing will happen to us. No one is here at such a time. I made sure no one finds the note, Vivi.” You try to appease her fear by throwing an arm around her shoulder but she hushes you, an upset smile appearing when you start laughing.

“If someone were to see the way we behave…” She shakes her head before stopping in front of the door. “As soon as we get there, I want to see the note!”

Vivienne is a good person. She is the neighbour’s daughter and your lives have always been as entwined as they could be. Her smile is contagious but she takes things too seriously.

Well, you’re probably the one not caring enough.

You open the building’s door and hook and arm around hers before rushing back home. You don’t let go of the tiny piece of paper.

Vivienne takes the notes from your hand as soon as you enter your room. She follows you like she always do every week. Today is the day you always come back late so she stays with you. 

She reads it with dreamy eyes before letting it fall on your bed. Her position change as she can finally be herself.

“A Gentleman ? Y/N, does he know ? I thought you were entertaining another stupid young mistress. I cannot believe such a thing is happening. He should never-

“Never know who I am. I know.” You finish with a sigh before jumping on your bed. “He doesn’t say who he is either, so nothing will happen. He seems so bored and serious.” You laugh when Vivienne unties her tight dress. 

“He is a rich literature student living in the city, what good is it to do such unholy things, especially with a lady?” She wonders, taking a deep breath when the air finally enters her constricted lungs. “It has always been a game, to them.”

“Drop it, Vivi. We know enough about etiquette to understand it is not made for us. It must be entertaining for him to know that a young lady of good education can interact with a gentleman with no worry. I don’t find it shocking in any other circumstances; we both know it isn’t a crime to talk with a gentleman but they don’t. I’m more worried about the gossip and what i will lose if anyone discovers what I have been doing.”

It is true. You talk with the kids in your neighbourhood every day. The young boys here are friendly, if not more caring than any other boys. You are not used to follow etiquette as it isn’t needed; you know it only because it is necessary to survive and remain. Speaking loudly, laugh, sing, fight, eat messily, hug, all of this is normal life and you can’t imagine it being forbidden. 

“Boring. They must be so boring.” Vivienne concludes, her voice dying and another one shaking you both.

“Time for dinner!”

--

Jinyoung finds it unusual. He never anticipates a class. Creative Writing is interesting when it doesn’t involve endless talking. He hates it when he has to lock his brain into his head and listen to whatever happens and it often happens. 

But today he is eager to enter the class and hopefully discover an answer. He ignores Jackson and Jaebeom’s witty remarks about how a Lady has taken an interest in him and merely answers. She must be too bored and in need of something thrilling. It is the way they live.

He pulls the paper from under the table as soon as he takes a seat. He doesn’t even try to hide anything.

“You should be careful. You will be in trouble if they start meddling in your business.” Jaebeom taps his pen on the table rapidly before glancing toward the professor. “She will be, too.”

What trouble could she get? Money is enough to make your way out of trouble. Trouble is for people like us, Jinyoung wants to answer. 

Instead he nods before opening the note.

It sounds different this time. He was expecting lines of useless tea gatherings and uninteresting chatting but he finds more depth than he thought he would have. She seems lost and far from the acts of the Upper class. Jinyoung doesn’t quite understand why would anyone not enjoy living among the rich in such hard times so he gets puzzled as to what he could answer.

He wants to say he hates the rich, he wants to yell at whoever deemed it good to let people behind to they own misery. He cannot speak though, his tongue is tied and his soul gone with the promise of a disturbed future. 

A wave a melancholy hit him and against better judgment, he keeps the answer neutral, like nothing is triggering him.

On this we do agree. I am myself not fond of such games. I stay evasive when needed and watch my surroundings. This is why writing heals more than it is supposed to - it is not surprising for a literature student, you may think. I am afraid my days aren’t exciting either. I am working on a piece that I will have to submit to my teacher so it takes most of my time. Considering the amount of stimulation I receive, I can say it is not going smoothly. 

Jinyoung stops when he thinks about how ridiculous it is to act like someone he isn’t. What the hell should he feel ashamed of what he is?

So his last sentence hits the papers way faster than intended. He hopes to find excitement, he believes it is to get a better view for his works but in fact he wants to disturb. He wants to pique, if not face to face, then on papers it will be. 

ps : If I may ask, what do you think about the rich? Please do not fear of my reaction and do not answer if such questions disturb your tranquillity.

He snorts at himself before sticking the paper again. Why would he even care about disturbing the empty life of the powerful?

When class ends he leaves, furious at no one and nothing but filled with a rage to change the balance. He will not end like this. 

--

“What I think about the rich?” You ask yourself, crouched behind the table.

It is ridiculous, why would anyone ask such a question? You start to panic when you imagine the probability of being discovered. Speaking badly of them would be ill-mannered, but no one would ever be able to tell it is you who wrote those words.

You are not even supposed to know how to write. 

Vivienne is busy next to you, her dirty dress swiping the floor with every step.

You grab a piece of paper you had previously taken with you and try to find an answer.

Before you can think you start writing messily, like someone is watching from behind.

If you don’t mind, you can share the subject of your writing with me. I see we both fancy peacefulness- 

You stop, not in the mood to act like you want to know more. 

About your question, I don’t know what it is that you mean but I would say that they are the essence of our society. Their intelligence is building the country and our wealth is nothing to be ashamed of. If you mean to put it in confrontation with the poor, I would say they do nothing but maintain an order which every peaceful monarchy should have. The rich have the knowledge and power and it is what it is. It is natural for humanity to place its bets on the survival of the fittest.

You feel nauseous as you finish the paper. It is probably what he wants to read so you wrote whatever would please a rich person. It is disgusting and untrue but there is only so little you can do without rising doubt in the mind of this young gentleman.

If he wants someone to flatter his pride, then so be it.

It has always been that way. 

--

The notes get shorter after that. You are not sure whether you did something wrong or not, but the answers get colder and colder. There are still here though, every weeks and with the same beautifully written letters.

You answer, even though it is nothing but wind in an empty shell. 

Jinyoung doesn’t know what he was expecting. He knew from the start who he would be corresponding with and it is no surprise. 

It is after one class that the story gets blurred. 

He is about to leave when the professor interrupts them. 

“Starting next week we will gather in the main amphitheatre. This room is only used for creative writing and in spite of how inspiring I think it is, it will no longer be used in this way.”

Jinyoung freezes, his notebook almost falling. 

While Jaebeom and Jackson are leaving, he speaks, startling them.

“Sir, no other lessons are being held here?” He looks vivid.

The teacher is as disturbed as the rest of the class. “No, it hasn’t been used by anyone else in the past five years.”

-