#who know maybe im just being a silly guy
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The hands around my throat suffocating me never started with me.
They have grown stronger and have aged as my family has.
They may have existed since the beginning.
All I know is the guilt I feel for letting them control me as they have controlled the others before me.
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i want jamiazu + idikei to go on a double date so badly i think the vibes would be So Very Turbulent
#twisted wonderland#twst#jamiazu#idikei#idicay#cereal tries to draw#i love any fanart of board game club and their bitch ass crushes jdslhffkjg teeheehee#cater and jamil can get along fine but board game club is incapable of behaving#they have to drop everything to bully the shit out of each other given the chance!!!#jamil does this with azul also. tbh i think it would be a war immediately and caters like HaHa Oh My GOd. ??!!?#cater actually it's hard to say bc sometimes hes like HUH!!!! CHILL OUT!! but other times hes a shady little freak of a guy and enables#things so like whose to say. maybe if hes in a silly mood he would join idia and jamil and it would be 3v1 rip azul it was nice knowing u#the rng of if they get peacekeeping caycay or mischievous caycay#it feels like it has been a While since ive really sat and drawn them...#i have had a lot going on <///3 and then all draw time is spent on art fight rn but. small break For Them#do u even understand me. do u see my vision. i want to put all four of them in an escape room#bundle them together and observe them under a microscope#god i just LOVE how any time someone in twst talks about another character it's always either like#yes this is a good respectable classmate of mine who i admire. or I HATE THAT BITCH HE FUCKING SUCKS ASS ACTUALLY!!!!#and then the haters are like best friends who hang out always jfdksljflkshg#but theyd rather DIE than ADMIT IT!!!#bitch boys who only respect each other when they dont know each other too well ig fjldksfh#board game club being god tier haters nonstop of each other is so fucking funny im literally obsessed with whatever they have going on#anyway!!! I WANT THEM TO HANG OUT MORE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Went to Michaels again, you know we had to do it to em
#michaels#cotl#lambert….#i had to make sure that they didn’t just leave the word CULT there and some random mom or someone thinks we’re actually promoting a cult#because… we like being in michaels…#and we dont wanna be banned or some shit#from silly cult game mention#lambert posts#mel talks#cult of the lamb alters#Narinder straight up fucking hated Michaels#but he’s getting used to shit so it’s to be expected ig#he hates extreme colors for some reason#complains about it burning his eyes#this reminds me that i have to post that uhh alter thing so everyone that actually reads these knows who we are and shit#because NO ONE knows who i am#I am Mel#…Im not even gonna try and… talk the rest of this shit out#im prolly gonna post it tonight or tomorrow too#cause I think I have to update it to explain Nari probably..#since Lambert will keep this guy in front with everyone else#and maybe one day—Narinder will (unlikely) post something himself on here!#won’t that be fun!#sweating…#ok i gotta go#cult of the lamb lambert#lamb cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb#doodles#doodlings
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Friendship is the most special thing in the world because no award could be give me bigger happiness than jumping around in my room and smiling because my pookie asked me if I wanted to match pfps
#SHES AMAZING I LOVE HER AHHHHH#I hope we manage to find a cute bsd pfp it would be literally my dream#little vent tw!!#it's been so long since I matched pfps last time was with my ex who started being wayyyyy too weird..#and the other time was with a friend who started ghosting me some months later just because I didnt give her enough adopt me pets or smth 💔#and like. her stopping talking to be literally broke me as a person. it was devastanting for like 13yo me#woahhh thank you k. now I have social anxiety and keep dobting whether people really want me there or not#I still have a sort of love hate relationship w her but like its been over 2 years maybe 3 why do I still care abt it sm :<#especially since our other bestie is wayy more affectionate w k than w me it just makes me feel so weird like im sort of a 3rd wheel#but at least the friend im gonna match with is the sweetest person ever and we can be silly together :333#unfortunately we only know eachother from a course so we always have to wait 2 weeks to see eachother#and even tho i still see k almost every day shes pretty different now#but ive been feeling so so happy the last few days since school started and im afraid I might go back to being how I was when she returns#because. I bet my two friends will keep being silly together and ill have to sit w my ex again cuz hes still part of our friend group#I mean hes a nice and funny guy but I figured that a relationship wont work with us. I tried it and I just wanna be friends#I have a lot of fun w him but like in a platonic way#and im afraid he still thinks we should be together#meanwhile my besties keep flirting w eachother like??#I mean its pretty funny as a joke but I cant help but feeling kinda jealous especially because I used to have a huge crush in one of them#talked a bit too much ooopssss#Im just trying to move on but I hope k coming back doesnt start everything over again#anyways!! I love my bestie from the course smmmmmm Im still so so happy :D wish we could see eachother more#random stuff#chaos#friendship#violet rambles
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i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good
#i'm usually a sebastian kinda guy but i do think it's silly you have to say you like scifi to gain friendship points w him like cmon man#i will say though that. my bestie's baby daddy being named shane kinda does make it hard to like him 😭 unfortunate but not his fault#ik a lot of ppl are weird abt his recovery and his messy ass room bc they play stardew to make things look pretty or whatever#but i'm actually kind of glad he's a realistic depiction of addiction... the problem is his dependence on indulging in alcohol when he's#depressed not the fact that he drinks period... i think that a lot of ppl are unrealistic abt alcoholism (including me abt my dad's)#but concernedape did really good w him imo. anyways all this to say that i'm really glad shane never expects someone to be a certain way#i know most of the candidates are like. archetypes or whatever and i think that's fine they are very sweet and cute regardless but#i think maybe i didnt romance him before bc i related to him so badly that it hurt seeing myself reflected LMAO dead end life and being#suicidal about it like. i've never had a drug dependence but i'm not really in a position where i can ever make my own decisions anyways#but regardless. there is smth to someone who slowly warms up to you when they can't ignore your kindness any longer and have no reason to#act like an abused dog anymore which. does make me sad just to say but that is how he acts beforehand#idkkkkk idk i think people are always too caught up with his addiction and his messy room to actually see him without realizing that#getting better is a lot harder than it appears and that having a dirty room doesn't mean you aren't trying to be better. sigh#besides it's not like. the end of the world that he has a beer sometimes. have you tried going thru life completely sober? it sucks#ok im done LMAO but yeah i've found myself gravitating towards him this time around when i've romanced sebastian literally every playthru#til now. hmm!#ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING. i like how he's basically a twist on the classic useless husband trope in media where they love sports and drinking#but he's not a bad person and the only reason he's mean to you at first is because he hates himself and his own life and he makes an effort#the more you get close to him instead of the opposite. i like that a lot. ok now i'm done
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loooove my new psychiatrist. i finished talking and she was like '...well that's a lot' like haha teehee omg you thiiiiink??? giggling and twirling my hair omg oh nooo im so embarrasseddddd haha uwu
#it was great tho i love her#i bet im her most fucked up client and her silly rabbit AND her little kitten#now i gotta go to therapy tho cause i dont want to disappoint her :(#she did ask if im in a relationship dhxjdsh and that sure was awkward#anyway ive got my meds now and they WILL fix me so who knows. maybe ill quit tumblr soon... i wont need you guys anymore lol#naaaah haha just being silly ofc nothing will ever truly fix me#and if i do ever quit tumblr its probably because im dead in the arctic wasteland somewhere and some little weasel has my boots
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he deserves to get hit by a car ,, as a treat
#/affectionately <3#a bit of a vent#but yeah deleted my last post cuz I felt uncomfy with it idk why (hah jk I do im just not sharing cuz it's not important)#im just being petty again and holding myself up to impossible moral standards -#may take a lil hiatus from here and twt and just live in my silly discord servers again I am becoming too hateful once more#I need to start surrounding myself with ppl who don't just make me miserable lol thats on me#I miss just being a silly little guy on the internet pfft-#though actually I think I may Just Be Emotional Rn cuz my friend's bd is growing near.. been emotionally drained#love drawing my sona's all beat up though#it's a love language <33#kite's ocs#kitson alkaid#but he's a furry idk maybe ill make him a separate tag tomorrow who knows
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sometimes it takes really really paying attention to the lyrics for a song to sink in for me
sometimes what the artist is saying makes me very sad
#the sillies#i wanted to leave it in the tags bc i’m scared but#this is about sex drugs and rock and roll because ow#the way /i/ heard it this time was like calling out the fanbase to an extent#i know there’s some crazy shit that’s gone down with will woods fans#and that a lot of older fans have a lot of feelings about it#honestly i feel real bad because like#he’s been through some shit man and all that extra nonsense likely didn’t help#anyway#it just makes me sad when artists have batshit fans#it ruins it in a way like- man if i was a singer and my fans were fucking crazy i’d wanna quit all the time despite it being something#i really like to do you know?#anyhow i’ll leave you with these lines from the song#/newsfeeds groupies critics analytics/#/and starry-eyed stalkers who demand a man in lipstick/#/and a role model psycho but an echo in their chamber/#especially that second one#like he’s changed#and for the better! for himself!#maybe i’m way off#but there’s another line from a song in icimi that i can’t quite remember the song or line exactly#it’s a little foggy#but something along the lines of:#but im not that guy anymore and i made goddamn sure he’s dead#anyway this is a lot of nonsense#and maybe i’m wrong?#that’s why i didn’t put it in the post haha-
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So like legit how does one make friends when they are
-too adhd for normal people
-too depressed for adhd people
-poor (no money to do things or go places)
-25 on the outside, single mom for 10+ years on the inside
-so so lonely but so so afraid of adding anyone else to the "only want to hang out with me when you need free therapy" group that includes everyone I know
#i want friends#but i don't know how to make them#or where to find them#im too weird for a lot of people and too introverted for others#and for some reason everyone i do befriend always ends up being basically my therapy patient#or they only ever want to hang out on their terms which... don't exist#side eyes my friend who always says 'i miss you guys we should hang out' in the group chat but then turns me down#for her boyfriend every single time i try to make plans#'he works night shift i have to clean during the day' girl are you his girlfriend or his maid??#if you don't want to hang out with me just fucking tell me instead of playing cinderella all the time#my mom says i should get out more and do more things but honestly i live in bumfuck ohio#what things????#rural america is a nightmare for being social if you don't have money and also don't want to hang out at your local high school#i can't even go to the park in town by myself because too many women have been abducted there#im not making this shit up#i just want someone to sing silly songs with me and try on stupid outfits just for fun and go to new restaurants#no one has ever heard of and sit in the woods in silence for a while and maybe take a nap together and compare grov#*grocery lists and just.#why is it so hard#what is wrong with me that the only friends i have only like me sometimes#even my mom who likes me all the time won't even go shopping with me anymore#she's too burnt out from working#maybe it's not me#maybe im just another victim of capitalist america's isolation#even then i don't know what to do about it. my cat helps but im still just. lonely.#im tired of being lonely#vent post#ignore me
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I’ve been out as a lesbian for four years. i don’t mind the fact that i’m starting to grow a fondness for men. i’m not bothered by the idea that i might actually be bisexual. what i DO care about is the fact that i have to come out FOR THE THIRD TIME and admit that i was wrong once again.
#hey guys. surprise!#i might be wrong though idk this literally just came to me#because of a guy in my fucking hospitality class.#but who knows maybe its just a little friend crush and im being silly goofy
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told myself that i dont care for any of the goo/d ome/ns theories out there but for some reason my brain just went
#season 2 spoilers in the tags so :3#i really suck at theories because i just like to ignore details of canon that i dont like but ill let you read it in the tags anyways#even if it makes me nervous im just a silly goofy guy you know#silly goofy guy syndrome#okay#so#directly from my dms with my fiance (who knows very little about go od ome ns#begin#you know how aziraphale left crowley on earth to go be the supreme archangel of heaven#what if crowley had been the original supreme archangel but was cast out alongside satan and his cohorts on a technicality or something#like he was just chilling and got caught up with the wrong crowd#and thats why the other demons dont really trust crowley. cause he was the fuckin supreme archangel#and when gabriel left that was them introducing the concept of the supreme archangel position being a semi fluid position#also a lot of people headcanon that crowley used to be raphael cause he doesnt show up with the other archangels weve seen in the bible#crowley has also been seen having extremely op abilities when compared to others in the show (ie bending reality and time with the snap of#maybe they can all do that idk i only remember crowley doing insane shit with time#also when he transported him aziraphale satan and adam into the VOID#and then seeing aziraphale take his old position just adds more salt to the wound of him leaving crowley behind#because besides believing heaven is too corrupt to be fixed- it hurts to think that aziraphale could possiblly fix heaven#but crowley couldnt when he was rhe archangel#i know its silly but this was just beamed into my head like a message from god#except its my hyperfixation and autism just shaking hands
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do me a favor, pls. think abt the eddie we were introduced to before he let down his walls after realizing that the party weren't who he thought they were. did u do tht? okay, cool, thank u. now, please tell me if you think that will would like him bc i'm very curious to hear y'all's thoughts 🧐📝
#see in theory sometimes im like yeah OFC someone that's into dnd that much and that is so unapologetically himself and loves what he loves#with reckless abandon and wears his otherness like a shield rather than something to be ashamed of sounds like someone will would like#and then i think abt how dustin n mike were scared to tell eddie n lucas didn't even try to and how eddie threw food at them and manhandled#them roughly n shoved them away and how he spoke abt lucas n i'm like ........hm.#the eddie that wrestles with dustin n pretends to be warriors with him n tells him to never change n makes lotr references? hell yeah#the soft joke-cracking goofy silly sweet eddie that he shows to chrissy? hell yeah#the eddie that he shows to his lambs at the lunch table? mmmmmmmm i don't think so#bc eddie didn't change until he saw that the party was cooler and braver than him lmao. he was so cagey until he realized oh these guys#know what they're doing and are not the people i assumed they were (prob bc he expects ppl to judge him so much [n they do] tht he finds#himself judging them too and i guess trying to get the upper hand if tht makes sense? idk how 2 explain it idk the Words)#and i just ... don't know that will would like being manhandled roughly by another man after lonnie#or having things thrown at him#when the most anyone has ever done with him is ruffle his hair lol#but then i think well... maybe eddie would react accordingly? like he did with chrissy? but idk#i'm not an eddie scholar idk who that man is#ANYWAY tell me ur thoughts <3#side note. ->#i like ripple effect by one of the greatest writers in all of human history aka lilacline bc of how she wrote will not taking eddie's shit#bc THAT felt hashtag real to me
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Every second of every day I remind myself that I'm going to need to learn to draw gore and body horror and every second of everyday I simply keep imagining it instead of drawing it because I don't even wanna try finding usable refs for the shit I wanna pull off (it also doesn't help that searching up refs for skinless human anatomy is. Annoying to do if you wanna draw someone who isn't made of muscle and nothing else)
#rat rambles#there's also just a lot of stuff that I just sorta. cant find refs for just due to the nature of the image in my head#but yeah I know I can probably find the refs I properly need somewhere out there but its going to be a nightmare for me I hate finding good#reference photos for tings especially when it comes to anything gore or scar related#but yeah au snek you bastard I will draw you some day#she isnt helping me much by having fun bone body horror too :/#and then theres all the other snake stuff I want her to do thats going to be a whole other journey to learn to draw#but that one isnt as bad because it's much easier to find photos of snakes doing goofy snake stuff#aka anytime they use their mouths to do anything ever theyre so silly#au snek is also silly if you ignore the horrors#shout out to her for being the only one of the au antags that wasnt saught out for attempting to/succeeding at destroying their universes#although thats mostly just because snek is tied to physical matter which means that she has less of an inhernet connection to the stuff#pretty much everyone else does abt their universes#au snek was somewhat unique amongst sneks tho in that shes easily one of the most powerful sneks#these guys get a bit closer to the greater power of the function theyre tied to each time they die you see#and au snek has died a Lot#more times than everyone else in the au antag squad combined#which tbf isnt actually saying a lot most of them never actually died that many times if at all#owl for example probably never died herself. all her power came from her consuming her original universe#similar with mase but he might have died at some point idk#and while Id normally say tali is a similar case given the universe she came from shes probably died a fair share of times#and au bloom probably died like once or maybe twice if Im being generous#au fydd didnt die at all hes just built like that#and au aris only died once but her power again comes from her original universe aka uni hi uni#now Id have to do some math to figure out how many times au snek died but I dont wanna do that since itd be kinda complicated#but just trust me she died a lot and her friends also died a lot except for her brothers who only died once since they dont get revived#long story short: they stopped being supplied food
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Batman wishes he could Spider-Man
#everyone is always like “the no kill rule is stupid” “he should just kill the joker already”#but no ones like “spidermans no kill rule is stupid” “why doesn't spiderman kill the green goblin already”#this is because i think spidey goes about it better#and because for spiderman. you can actually believe in redemption for his villains. especially the green goblin. as being achievable#batman series will never let you have this#i. dont quite know how to put it into words#batman feels more stagnant. while it feels more like spidey progresses#theyre both heros tormented by who they couldnt save#spidey should get a spidercave#he already has a spidermobile /silly#batman should have an alternative universe version of him called batsman who is made up of a bunch of bats that eat people#hnng#maybe another reason bats rule isnt respected while spideys is#is because spiderman tries to be good and batman admits he isnt?#bc spiderman usually doesn't even terribly beat up common criminals. he webs them up#and some believe spidey doesn't have a no kill rule at all. and i think that also plays in his favor#theres also the fact that spiderman is more relatable to the viewer as a person#theyre both consumed by their work. but for batman. bruce is mostly the persona. while for spidey both his hero and his civilian identity#matter greatly and are a central part of him#maybe its the clearer connection between their two big bads. norman was the father of peters best friend. and the guilt of killing#green goblin would probably destroy him#but batman and joker dont have that kind of connection. not in most media at least. so viewers see a character the comics will never redeem#with no personal connection to bats. who'll always kill. and they fail to see why batman shouldn't#and to go back to redemption#it manages to feel like spiderman makes more of an effort. and like he actually believes it possible. he tries to talk to them. to help them#to not hurt them#bats takes his characters to arkham. which is shown to be corrupt and making them worse like 9 times outta 10#batmans world feels so hopeless and neverending sometimes tbh#anyway im just sorta rambling here what do you guy think about the subject
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i should start simply talking about fixtional charactersbnobody knows or cares about like ANGELO LEONE
#literally just me rambling#rotating in my skull#i still have so many attacks planned for him but i need to get through my art debt first#maybe ill doodle him as a break#i talk about this guy so much that people have started assuming that he's actually my oc and its like. not at all true but thats fine#yeah of course youre purple and emotionally constipated#angelo voice: me when i LIE and i am a LIAR to even those i hold most dear because being completely hoenst and vulnerable is beyond me#who even is this guy. he sure doesnt know#have you ever had an oc that gets actively mischaracterizated i thought this was a fandom issue but nnoooooo#NOBODY UNDERSTANDS YOU LIKE I DO ANGELO.#ok im done sorry#shroom if you see this no you didnt#the next time someone says he's just a silly goofy idiot dude because he is generally friendly is the time i take him away from the public
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can i be really really honest with you guys as excited as i was when it was announced i uh. i dont think desiquest is gonna be good
#sree.txt#everythign about it is just kind of giving the butter chicken of ttrpg if that makes sense#like. the shallowest conceptualization of what desi culture is#made palatable for Everyone and by that i mean white people and specifically white americans#i think. if we are being real i think theyre leaning too hard into it#i'm deeply wary as an indian american of indian american ''representation''#and based on what i can see on their website (to be fair i have not watched the ep yet and likely wont for some time i am too busy)#i dont know. if your whole party is just Playing Into Stereotypes about Indian People in order to maybe subvert them#cmon man this isnt 2011 and youre not lilly singh#idk theres such a rich set of cultural elements to delve into and use#and also like consider cultural injustices and aspects of The Desi Identity that are not present in more mainstream south asian shit#but i dont think desiquest is doing that#it just seems so far like a lot of hey guys we're BROWN. chai TEA!!!!! look at my ethnic font and silly accent teehee im an aunty#like oh......... this isnt meaningful#AGAIN IM BEING A HATER PREEMPTIVELY THOUGH i have not watched the episode#but it suuuuper is giving indian kid who's never questioned what their parents raised them with idk#very american derogatory#still the cast is wonderful and i've seen most of them in other settings where i've been Impressed!!!!! i'll give it a chance i'm just#wary#sorry but sandeep and rekha's pc descriptions are so corny and tired. what YEAR is it that youre still making my-kid-must-be-a-doctor jokes
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