#why am i like this and what is wrong with me. why can't i love normal why is it always an obsession and a game

[xsilversugar]

It fuckin' kills me every time I think about it. I don't support Rowling or think of her in my day-to-day outside of being actively reminded of the harm she causes. I too want her to vanish. She was a huge part of my childhood but I grew out of her and called her a hack by the sixth book and basically only hate-read the last because I had to know how it ended. I didn't have the full context or understanding for why what she wrote felt off to me--so by the time her political views became well-known; I felt vindicated in my dislike of her. Throwing her work away and not caring by then was easy. It's only when I think of the active harm that I feel anything about it all.

However learning about Neil Gaiman fucking gutted me. I was so wanting to believe it wasn't true but even then one of my first thoughts was a cold "yeah, that tracks actually" (hell, I literally had a dream practically predicting it) but it still felt more personal a betrayal rather than a broad lingering hate. More...insidious. I stay silent and don't involve myself in the fandom anymore because if I let it...it'd still hurt me...like a raw wound merely ignore. I cried for practically a week straight, in and out of denial and hopeful that it was a misunderstanding, but I was so invested in digging up whatever news I could, and then I had to stop. It was too much. I'd occasionally still recommend his works to people in private but I don't go out of my way to suggest anyone dare pay for it in the slightest anymore. If the topic of favorite authors comes up, I just don't have one anymore. I might offer to give someone a copy I have but I tell them why I'll never read it again myself.

Maybe it's because I went through this before with Rowling in particular but I thought it would be easier to cut Gaiman out. On one hand, sure, it is exceptionally easy to just let myself become distracted with other things, to not think about it or talk about it. On the other...I only stay silent because it still hurts just as much and I just can't unpack it this time. I can't. It's too much. I don't care if that makes me sound stupid or whatever. I'm too disgusted.

Still, I don't think I could say I disowned him, his work, or what he meant to me. The view I had was wrong. I haven't abandoned my love for those stories, I can't forget; that's why for the most part I don't bring it up without context because s long as I am distracted; I'm fine. If I think about it for too long...I feel like I'll fall apart. He is the one who disowned us, betrayed us, and did truly unforgivable things to others whom I choose to believe--and even hell has standards--so he's simply not welcome. That's all.

It's impressive how Neil Gaiman vanished from the internet. Wish Rowling would do the same.

[sweetblossomsss]

In the Night || J. YH (3/3)

Synopsis: You were just trying to survive. Dance, collect money, pay off your debt. Repeat. What you were not trying to do is to fall in love with someone you can’t have—not when you are owned by someone dangerous.

WARNINGS: Smut, death of character, and adorable happy ending. Part 1, Part 2

TAGSLIST:@ateezswonderland @lovebuggjoy @heartsforyeoo @petrasdesire @breadpuddingboys @dawn-iscozy @hannieblue128 @kyeos4ng @gaonashi

Blossom’s Note: I just want to thank each and every one of you who enjoyed and love the story. I'm sad it has come to an end, but no need to fear, I got more stories in the bank. Thank you all for the love. You know what to do, grab a drink and popcorn. Enjoy!

“Y/N?”  Your heart dropped. “Where are you going?” 

You turned around and saw Lee, Yunho's right hand man. You cleared your throat and gave him a weak smile, "Oh, Lee," You let out a shaky breath, "You scared me."

His face remained in confusion, eyebrows furrowed. "It's almost six in the morning. Is everything okay?" He said as he took a slow step towards you.

You nodded once. “Yes, everything is fine.” You lied straight to his face.

And he saw it.

“Do you want me to wake up Mr. Jeong—?”

“No!” You cut him off as you stepped closer to him, holding to his arms to stop him from moving.

He raised an eyebrow at your, shocked by your sudden outburst. You closed your eyes and sighed as you threw your head down, "No." You said softer.

"Y/N," Lee calls your name softly. "Please, tell me what is wrong. You can trust me." He holds onto your arms now.

You shook your head as you let out a broken laugh. "Lee, I have to go." You tell him as your felt your eyes getting watery.

He nods. "O-Okay," he said as grabs the keys, still on edge, but trying to remain calm. "Where do you need to go? I'll take you."

You look at him and give him a sad smile, slightly shaking your head. "No, Lee. Not like that." You sniffed as a tear falls down your cheek. "I can't be in Yunho's life."

Lee freezes as he shakes his head in disbelief. "What? Why?" His eyes looks between your frantically.

"It's best if you don't know. It's for his protection." You said. "Please, Lee." You pleaded to him as you sniffed.

He lets out a sigh as he remained still.

He doesn't say anything.

You don't say anything.

You slowly take steps back as you remained the eye contact with him before breaking it and turning to open the door but—

"Is it Jae?"

You let out a gasp as you snapped your head to him. You don't say anything but that's all he needed to know.

He nods his head in confirmation of your silence. "It is, isn't it?" He asked once more.

"Lee," Your voice got serious. "Do not say shit. If you cared about him, you won't interfere."

You glared at him with anger. Anger that you are leaving once more. Anger that you are treating him this way. Anger over your fucking fear of Jae.

"Bye, Lee." You said quietly as you left the house as fast as possible and walked to your car, closing the car door shut as you fumbled with your keys into the keyhole.

You turned on the car and placed it in drive and headed to the gate. Lee was just standing in defeat as he gets a man speaking in his bluetooth saying you want to go home.

He sighs and presses the bluetooth, "Let her leave."

"Copy."

Lee turns around and heads back down the hallway, acting as if he never saw or spoke to you. Guilt and worry consuming within him.

—

That same morning when Yunho woke up without you in the bed, he felt something was off. He checked the bathroom, kitchen, living room—everywhere.

You were nowhere to be found.

You are not even picking up the phone nor texting back. Something was going on.

He ordered for Lee to get the men lined up and Yunho stood looking out the window, hands in his pocket. "I am going to ask only once," Yunho said in a neutral, calm voice—which only made things just as terrifying. "Who let her leave?"

The men gulped as he turned around and eyed them all down. They all just stayed looking ahead, trying to not look into his eyes. Prior to this, Lee had informed everyone of what went down between you two and strictly said to not let Yunho know anything.

Yunho scoffed as he walked back and forth, nodding his head. "Okay." He chewed on his lower lip, starting to laugh in a craze tone. "Okay. So no one is going answer me?"

He turns to Lee, looking like a madman. "You must think I am fucking stupid."

Lee shakes his head, "Sir, no—"

"I did not ask you to speak." He cuts him off. He gets close to his face and stares deeply into his eyes. "I don't know why you did what you did but I am going to find out."

Lee has only ever seen Yunho in a manic state a few times and when this side came out, it was a sight to make people cower in fear. Lee looked down as he gulped.

Yunho walked to the front door and grabbed his car keys, slamming the door shut as he drove to your apartment.

—

Yunho was hurt.

He was confused.

Angry.

Why did you leave? Why did you do this again? Did he fuck up? Did he cross a line?

Why did you push him away?

Yunho lets out a frustrated sigh as he struggled to remember your code to enter the building. He is getting to his breaking point because he wasted no time in raised his his fist to punch the fucking box until a cough stops him.

“Young man,” the voice said and Yunho turned with the arm still up. It was the same old man. “Before you go destroying property, allow me please.” 

Yunho fixed himself and cleared his throat as he stepped aside. The man punched in his code and the door buzzed, causing him to raise an eyebrow at Yunho, “Well? Aren’t you going in?”

Yunho grabbed the man’s hand causing him to whine at the aggressive shake before going inside the building, “Thank you, sir, thank you!” 

The man straightened his clothes as he walked away. “Kids these days.” 

—

When the elevator dinged open, he takes full strides to your door and gently knocks, "Y/N," His muffled voice sounded in the silent apartment.

You covered your mouth from letting out a wail as you looked at the door with eyes full of tears. "Baby, I know you are in there." His voice broke.

You shut your eyes tightly as tears flowed down. "Talk to me." He placed his hands on the door. "Don't do this to me, please." His voice cracked towards the end.

You covered your ears as you sniffed. "What happened for you to do this?" He asks as he stared at the door as if it was you. "Was it me?" You just shook your head to yourself. "Did I do something, baby, please tell me."

It's me, Yunho. It's Jae. I shouldn't have done this. You let out a quiet sob as he kept going.

But eventually, he ended up leaving. But it didn't stop there. He would call, leave voicemails, sometimes you would see him outside your apartment waiting for you to come out.

You had called out of work at times because you felt like you were suffocating at times. You were so destroyed and you couldn't let anyone see you in such a state.

It was hard to get out of bed. Hard to do the basic things. Everything felt like a heavy weight that would drag you down to the floor. You would lie in your bathtub and zone out at times, dunking yourself in all the way and stay until you couldn't.

But life keeps going.

You had work to do.

Bills to paid.

Get the fuck up.

You shoved everything down and went to back to work. All the girls and regulars missed you. They greeted you with smiles and hugs, you did the same but felt empty behind the gestures.

You did everything in your power to avoid and ignore him and you were, fortunately, successful in it. But, when you had a moment of privacy, you would break down crying. You would tell yourself everything is okay, over and over until you believed it.

Tonight, the club was loud but it didn't drown out the pounding in your chest.

You had switched shifts.

Avoided eye contact.

Dodge every hallway he walked down. You learned how to disappear from his line of sight before he could get the chance to see you.  

But of course—fates a fucking bitch.

The bar was slammed. You were moving like crazy behind the bar as men shouted drink orders over the heavy-bass music. You were immersed in your job but then you felt it—

The hairs at the back of your neck stood up as you felt the presence. You didn't have to look up to know who it was.

“Two whiskey doubles. Neat.” His voice was quiet and controlled. 

He was there.

Right in front of you.

Your hands stilled as your eyes lifted slowly to look at him. 

Button-down shirt, opened just enough to see the edge of his collarbone. Hair slightly messy, but his eyes were darker than you remembered.

He looked miserable. Tired. Tensed. 

Could you blame him? No.

His jaw flexed once as your eyes met.

You said nothing as you grabbed a new cup and poured the drinks. You then set them down in front of him, a bit harder than you needed to. 

He didn’t flinch. “Thank you.”

You nodded once, turning away but—

“Is that all I get?” You felt yourself freeze at his words.

A ran shiver down your spine.

He downed one drink before speaking. “No call. No text. No explanation.” He leaned slightly against the bar, “Just disappeared.” 

Your grip on the counter tightened. “I didn’t think there was anything to explain.” Was the first thing you said to him in weeks. 

It sounded colder than you meant. 

His eyes searched yours and then he scoffed. “I know that’s not true.” He said quietly. “You know it’s not.” 

Then you glanced to your left—people were watching. 

Your voice dropped. “This isn’t the time or place, Yunho.” 

“Funny,” he tilted his head to the side, “You didn’t seem to mind the time or place when I was between your legs—“

“Stop—“

“Making you feel things no one ever did—“

“Don’t—“

“Or when I said I love you and you said it back.”

Your jaw locked as you inhaled sharply. “Don’t do that.” 

He leaned in closer, eyes staring deep into yours, “Then say it meant nothing.” He spat out, “Say I just imagined all of it.” 

You stayed silent as you looked down to the counter. “Look me in the eyes and say it didn’t mean anything.” He said.

You shake your head and let out a scoff, “It didn’t mean shit to me.” You spat back at him. 

“Bullshit.” He said, quietly. “Don’t do that to me. Don’t shut me out like some stranger you just fuck and forget—“

“You were a mistake.” You cut him off, feeling your heart crush at your own words. “I should’ve never let this happen.”

You forced the following words out. “This is what happens when I entertain a man’s delusions.” You smirked. “So just forget it. It meant nothing. You meant nothing. It was all a lie.” 

Yunho looks at you with an unreadable expression. He stands up, “That’s bullshit.” He glared at you. “And you fucking know that.” 

You let out a laugh, “I said what I needed to say.” You then grabbed a bottle, “Can I get back to work or will you be wasting my time some more?” 

You swallowed the lump forming in your throat as you raised an eyebrow at him. 

Without a single word he left. 

Not bothering to glance back at you as the men surrounded his empty spot quickly, getting in your way as you watched him walk away. 

I’m so sorry. 

—

To say you were quietly spiraling is a huge understatement of the year. 

You kept telling yourself you were okay—repeating it like a mantra until it etched itself into your brain. 

You went back to the basics. 

You danced when booked. Flashed smiles on cue. Collect your money and clock out the second the night ended—no lingering, no glances. Most importantly? No Yunho. 

Well—sort of. 

He hasn’t given up on you just yet.

It started when Hara, your co-worker, approached you with a message—a private dance. You knew you didn’t need to ask who it was—it was written all over Hara’s expression as she wiggled her eyebrows in amusement. 

Your stomach twisted inside.

“Can you take him?” You asked her with a low voice, pulling your sweatshirt over your head. “Just… tell him I wasn’t feeling well or something.” You sank on the bench, your fingers trembling slightly as you slid your feet into your shoes. 

The laces felt impossible to tie, your chest tightening with every loop. You can’t face him. Just breathe and everything will be okay. 

Hara eyes widened, “What? Wait— are you sure?” She whispers, quickly taking a seat besides you and placing a comforting hand on your arm. 

She takes a moment.

“Y/N, is everything okay? Every time Yunho is mentioned I notice the shift in you… Did something happen?” She asked gently.

Slowly you rose up from tying your shoes and looked into her eyes. “It’s nothing, Hara.” You said softly as you rested your hand upon hers, forcing a smile that didn’t reach your eyes. 

Hara hesitated speaking. Her eyes flickered around the room before she leaned in, voice low. “Do… Do you want me to call Jae? I can talk to him about what’s going on—“

Fuck no.

Your entire body went stiff at the sound of his name. The sound of it makes your skin crawl. You couldn’t think of anything worse than having him involved in something you were trying to hide. 

But you knew she was just trying to help you—you could even hear the doubt in her voice. 

“No, no. It’s fine.” You cut her off as you abruptly stood up, forcing a smile so fast it nearly cracked your face. “I’m just not feeling it tonight. Headache. Cramps. The whole ordeal. It’s nothing serious.” You tell her as you grabbed your purse and adjusted it on your shoulder. 

She gave you a face of, bitch be serious. That was the weakest excuse you have ever given. 

She didn’t even move. 

Just leaning back against the wall with arms folding slowly across her chest, one brow arched high. 

Her look was sharp, unamused, and judgemental as fuck. “Really?” She said flatly, staring you down like she was waiting for the real reason.

You shot her a look, sucking the back of your teeth as you placed a hand on your hip. “Are you going to take him or not?”

She lifts her hands up in surrender, “Easy, easy— don’t bite.” She teased, blowing you a playful kiss. “All I’m saying is…” She gets up and steps closer to you, her tone dropping into a whisper, low and deliberate. “A man like that doesn’t keep asking for the same girl without a reason.”  Her words hung in the air as she left, warm against your ear.

Something in your chest pulled taut. 

Guilt. It took over your body. 

If only she knew the reason why he kept asking for you.

You shook your head, wanting to get rid of your thoughts. You turned on your heels and left the dressing room, keeping your head down. You slowed in your steps and looked over your shoulder, watching Hara walk into the room where Yunho waited for you. 

You then looked back and sped out of the club.

 —

Meanwhile, in the room, he sat in his usual spot—legs spread, a hand loosely grabbing his drink, eyes fixed on the mirror across from him. 

Waiting for you. He fucking prayed that he sees you tonight—that you had a change of mind and finally talk to him. 

When the door finally creaked open and he caught a glimpse of movement in the reflection his gaze snapped up—only to see her. 

Not you.

Disappointment hit him like a punch to the stomach. “Evening Hara,” he said low and steady, dragging her name out to make it obvious she is not the one he wants. “Respectfully… you’re not the one I asked for.”

Hara gives him a small smile and clicks her heels softly as she walks up to the pole, standing center as she faces him. “Evening Mr. Jeong,” she swallows her nerves under the weight of his gaze. “I know I’m not the one you were expecting but Y/N asked me to cover for her tonight.” 

Of course you did. 

He raised a brow, lifting his glass, taking a slow sip—an attempt to cool the anger brewing inside him. “Did she say why?” he asked, his tone smooth but edged with something sharp.

She gave a single nod. “She said she wasn’t feeling well.” 

Interesting. 

Silence fell between them—heavy, thick, and impossible to ignore. 

He didn’t respond—just stared. 

Hara shifted under the weight of his gaze, her posture stiffening ever so slightly. The tension in her shoulders betrayed her. 

He wasn’t stupid. He could see it in the way her eyes would avoid eye contact with his and the slight falter in her voice. 

She was lying. No shit. 

And he was fucking pissed.

He just stared at her for a little longer, letting the silence engulf her until she squirms. Then, he leans back in his seat, the drink still in his hand. “I see,” he said simply—calm, unreadable. But internally? He was fuming. 

Hara hesitated, taking a cautious step forward, “I understand if you’re upset. If you would rather reschedule–“

“No.” He interrupted smoothly, lifting a hand to stop her. 

“You’re here now,” He gestured lightly with his fingers towards the stage. “Please. Go ahead.” She gave a small nod as she turned to the speaker system, wondering how the fuck you ever managed to be in his presence. 

She pressed play, and the music filled up the room. 

Mentally, he checked out. 

Just gone. 

His eyes may have been on the performance, but his mind was somewhere else—on you. 

He goes to your house, you’re not there. He wants for you after work, you left early. He will get there early, you had switched shifts. He tried booking with you, you don’t even bother.

His jaw tightened as he swirled the drink in his hand, barely tasting it. 

You were slipping through his fingers, and he fucking hated that. 

But he didn’t stop.

It was a random night and Hara slipped in beside you backstage, a playful grin tugs at her lips as she nudged your side. “Lover boy is asking for you again.” she teased, singing the words in a sweet tune. 

You didn’t even bother to look up. 

Just bent down to unstrap your heeling, fingers moving in frustration. “He’ll learn to stop.” You muttered, gripping the heels by their straps and letting them dangle at your side. 

He is making this so difficult. 

You enjoyed the flatness of your foot against the cool floor, sighing in delight. 

Hara hummed, slipping her arm around your shoulders. “Mmm, funny,” she said, leaning in slightly, her bright tone filling up your ears. “Something tells me he won’t.”

You didn’t respond to her as you two walked to the dressing room. Her warmth tucked against your side felt like her saying you aren’t completely alone. 

Even if it felt like it. 

You learned how to navigate the club like he wasn’t there. You kept doing the same things.

You slipped behind curtains, choosing different hallways when you saw him, trading time slots with other girls. But it did not matter what you did—he always saw you. 

And like clockwork, your gaze would slip—just for a moment—and he’d be there. Eyes already on you. As if he never stopped watching you.

One night, you were on stage, spotlight on your skin, bass thrumming through your bones. You did your thing as always as you scanned the room and thought—

Is he here tonight? Will you see him? Do you even want to see him? Do you think he—

You froze in your thoughts.

There he was. 

Front and Center. 

Elbows on his knees. Jaw clenched. Eyes locked on yours like he was reading every thought. Girls on both sides—laughing, giggling, trailing their fingers along his arm.

He didn’t move. Didn’t even blink.

When one tried to rest her hand on his thigh, he peeled her fingers off like she was nothing but a speck of dust. His focus never broke. Not once.

You faltered—just a breath, just a second—but it was enough.

Your eyes met his.

And in that moment, everything around you dropped into silence.

Burning under the weight of his stare who screamed questions you refused to answer. You looked away—not bearing to maintain eye contact with him. 

You mentally cursed yourself for slipping again.

Or those nights when he would see you talking to a client, leading them by the hand towards one of the private rooms. Your voice was soft, your smile was beautiful. 

He never wanted to snap a man’s hand in half so badly before.

He would be leaning against the back of the wall with his arms crossed and with a face blank but his eyes? Feral. 

 He would stare at that door in which you had vanished behind, down until it had holes in it.

But if distance is what you wanted. He will give it to you.

He stopped.

He stopped chasing you. 

Stopped bothering to ask for you. 

He started giving you what you wanted. 

No more bookings. No more watching you. No more of him.

It pained you so much—but having him hate you or ignore you felt easy for you to get through it. 

You hated hearing his name leave your coworkers' mouth in the dressing room. You would pause in what you were doing and focus on hearing what they were saying about him. 

“His hands are so big.”

“He’s so hot.”

“Ugh, if I had one night with him—“

“He actually booked me for tonight. I’m about to dance on him like no tomorrow.”

“Hey, maybe Y/N can give you some pointers!”

The girls would burst into laughter as they kept on talking about him. You rubbed your temples as you clenched your jaw at their stupid commentary. 

You then would look into the mirror and close your eyes—inhaling and exhaling deeply. Then continuing like you didn’t hear a single thing. 

Or the time you heard his laughter as you passed the private room hallway. That deep, effortless sound that was meant for your ears only—not anymore.

It stopped you in your tracks. You looked at the door and walked closer to it and felt your heart crush up when you heard a woman’s voice follow—all soft and playful.

You swallowed hard as you just walked away. 

This is what you fucking wanted. 

This is what you need. 

You walked straight to the dressing room and slammed the door shut. 

You walked to your vanity and leaned on the counter, gripping the edge like it might hold you together. 

You exhale, “Fuck.” And inhaled sharply. 

But even then—no tears. You wouldn’t let yourself fall apart. Not yet. Not here. 

Or another night—

Just as you were leaving, you saw him in the hallway. 

Alone.

Although the distance between you two was short—he felt miles and miles away. 

He just looked at you. Emptiness behind those eyes.

You give him a short nod, politely. But he just remained still, looking at you. You just adjusted the strap of your purse on your shoulder and quickly left—not wanting to spend any more time here. 

But as soon as you opened the door to leave the club, you felt your eyes welling with tears. You walked to your car, fumbling with the keys and unlocked it hastily. 

Once you entered you sat still on the driver side. 

A pause before screaming out in misery. You punched the steering wheel with the sides of your fist in anger as you let out a sobs. You then gripped the wheel and threw your face in your arms as you wailed in misery. 

You hated everything in life right now.

Or when you were at the bar, clean some glasses when your eyes—traitorously—flicked to the vip section. There he sat with his legs spread and drink in hand. 

Two women on either side of him. 

One leaning too close with the other said something that made him let out a smile and chuckle. But you noticed that he wasn’t touching them—not that it mattered. 

He then leans back into the sofa, hands stayed wrapped around his drink. His body was stiff, sort of—barely paying attention to either of the girls. 

But then, he felt something.

He felt someone looking at him, causing him to glance up—just for a second. His gaze locks straight onto you causing you to immediately look away, pretending to not notice as your stomach dropped. 

Soon your attention averted to a guy who slipped to the bar for a drink, coming at perfect timing to distract yourself from what just happened. 

Or the most memorable night you have had thus far.

You stupidly forgot your earring in the private room from a previous set. Feeling annoyed, you walked back to the room to retrieve it but—

You were confused to find the private room door cracked open. This was unusual. Reason being is that if no one was booked, it stayed closed to keep anyone from swiping the liquor. 

And you were sure you closed it. 

You pushed it open—and your heart dropped.

You hadn’t expected to see him there.

Yunho, slouched on the couch with his collar unbuttoned, a girl curled against his side, her hand resting lightly on his chest. His arm draped lazily over the backrest, the picture of ease.

But his eyes?

Already on you.

Like he’d been waiting.

You kept your expression neutral. “Just grabbing something I left,” you said coolly.

He didn’t answer at first. He just watched you as you crouched near the edge of the room, searching the floor.

Then, too casually, “You’ve been hard to find. I’m surprised you still work here.”

You swallowed the tightness in your throat. “I’ve just been keeping to myself,” you murmured without looking up.

He scoffed under his breath. “You’ve been good at keeping your distance. Impressive, really.” The sarcasm stung—but you didn’t let it show.

You stood, the earring in your palm. “Some of us don’t get the luxury of slipping up.” You gave him a plastic smile and headed for the door.

“I’ve been asking for you.” His jaw flexed.

The girl beside him stayed silent, glancing between you both. 

Smart girl.

“I know,” you said gently—not cold, not cruel. Just honest. “I wasn’t available.” 

You stepped into the doorway. 

Then—quietly, but sharp enough to stop you, “Is this really how it’s going to end? After everything?”

Your hand froze on the doorframe. 

Slowly, you turned just enough to meet his eyes. “You know that feelings like ours don’t belong in places like this.” you said softly.

And then you left—before he could say anything else.

—

Since that night, you assumed he got the message very clearly. 

Tonight was a good night. 

The neon lights were strobing in red and blue, casting shadows that danced in the walls from the bodies you weaved through, effortlessly—the bass vibrating beneath your heels from the floor. 

You had a tray in hand with half empty glasses, rattling with the strut of your hips. You approached your table full of regulars, leaning in with your lips curling into a smile. You grabbed their empty glasses and replaced them with fresh whiskey sodas—offering a playful wink to the bold one who always tipped you extra just to get a smile out of you. 

 You caressed his face, “Don’t spend it all in one place.” You teased at him, pocketing the folded bills he handed you. He laughed as he took a sip, eyes glued to the sway of your walk as you turned away from them.

 You were in your element—undeniably alluring, in control of yourself, something you yearned for. The way you would arched your brow at the shy ones, the flick of your tongue when you laughed, the way you leaned closer—every movement, every touch was all part of the game. 

  You passed the bar, dropping off dirty drinkware with a quiet clink to catch the bartender’s attention. You sighed as you looked to the side, reaching for the ticket whilst placing the fresh drinks on the tray. Once you memorize the tables, you stab the ticket in the ticket spike stand and turn back towards the tables, letting the sight take over you. 

 The mixture of scent sweat, cologne, and liquor lingered in the air like a second skin. As you walk, you smile slightly at your coworker who is in the cage above the DJ booth, watching the glitter catching every beam of light as she dances. 

Or the two new girls who accompanied the DJ on either side, letting the music take over them as they danced without a care in the world—hair bouncing as the DJ nodded to the music, hands moving skillfully on the set.

You looked forward and smiled at the men, arriving at their table. Setting their drinks down one by one, you watched their faces light up—very eager for a cold reward after a long day on the clock. “Enjoy, gentlemen.” you said with a nod before turning on your heel, heading toward an empty table nearby. 

You grabbed the fallen, spilled beer bottle on the table and placed them up right on the tray. You grabbed the rag from the tray and threw it on top to absorb the liquid as you adjusted the chairs underneath the table. 

You get lost in your thoughts as you go on with your work.

Slowly but surely you were getting back into the rhythm of things. You didn’t need Yunho. You didn’t need Jae. You just needed to survive and that’s what you were going to do—was what you kept telling yourself. 

The music brings you back as you keep cleaning. You slowly started to nod your head to the music, enjoying the way the club pulsed with life.

Until—

The rhythm… shifted. 

It’s like you felt it—to the point where your hairs stood at the back of your neck. Goosebumps forming on your arms, a shiver running down your back as you straighten up your back from cleaning, looking down at your arms wondering what the fuck is going on. 

What is this feeling? 

Eyes snapped to the door, girls froze mid-laugh on their clients or in personal conversations, someone dropping a drink causing a glass to shatter. You snapped your head to the sound, just in time to see some girls sprinting to the back. 

Hara grabbed your arm as she walked past you, eyes in panic. “He’s back.” She whispered with a trembling voice. “He’s fucking back, Y/N.” 

You watched as one dancer—the same one who claimed she would ���handle Jae when he came back”—turned pale and ran to the dressing room. 

Another followed her, heels clacking in terror. Even the newer girls who had only heard of him clutched each other.

The regulars didn’t understand what was going on. But all the staff—everyone—knew the hell that was back. 

The guards didn’t just tense—they reacted. One grabbed his radio. Another stepped back toward the emergency exit. You caught one mouthing, “Shit.” 

And then he walked in.

Jae.

“There she is.”

The sound of his voice slithered through the room like poison.

As if shit couldn’t get worse. 

You have got to be fucking joking right now.

You didn’t want to turn—but fuck—your head moved on instinct. You watched as he was already walking towards you—smirking with a slow, hungry look. You still held your tray, half-lifted, mentally telling yourself to stop trembling as you heard the slight clicking of the cups. 

He didn’t stop.

Within seconds, he reached you—his hand snatched the tray away from yours, settling it down without breaking eye contact. He groans with delight as his hand finds the back of your neck, the other wrapped around your waist, dragging you into his warmth. “Mmm, my girl.”

You stumbled slightly, pressing one hand to his chest to resist him, scrunching up your face in annoyance. When your eyes looked over Jae’s shoulder, your heart stopped at the sight of Yunho. 

He just stood there. His eyes, dark, locked in you—cold, unreadable. But not to you—no—he watched the way this asshole disrespected you, the way he manhandled you like you were property. 

He saw the way you stiffened under his touch—the way you avoided his eye contact. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” Jae whispered into your ear.

Internally, Yunho was fucking pissed—rage forming in his gut. In his mind, he was figuring out 10 different ways to break every single finger Jae had laid on you. 

 You kept fidgeting within Jae’s hold as he kissed your neck up and down—wet and aggressive, ugh. It just spiked your nerves with anger and disgust. 

Such kisses were greedy, given without permission. He didn’t kiss you like he missed you, nope, he kissed you like he owned you. 

 You jerked once more, trying to shove your hands between your bodies. “Jae–stop it.” You hissed through a tight breath, looking around the room and seeing the mixture of Jae and Yunho’s men surrounding you two. 

  He just laughed at you—that same stupid, infuriating, cocky laugh. The type that made your skin crawl. 

“Oh, baby, I missed you so fuckin’ much.” He murmured, whispering against your throat. He looks at you with wild eyes, “Have you been good for me?” 

You just glared at him. 

He puts his finger under your chin and tilts your head up, “I have good news,” he smirks, “and since I’m back, I think it calls for a celebration. Don’t you think so?” 

Your eyes slightly widen, “Jae, I’m tired. I don’t think that’s a good ide–“

“Hey,” he cuts you off by turning his attention to one of the guys standing near the stairs, voice nonchalantly. “Bring some girls to my office.” He orders the guy. Jae didn’t notice the guy hesitating as he turned to face the club. 

You stayed silent as you glared at him once more. 

He lets go of your face, “Gentlemen!” He claps his hands, calling for their attention. “I’m feeling generous today—“ he pauses as he extends his arms out to the side, “Order whatever you want. On me!” 

 The club erupted—cheers, whistles, hands thrown in the air as the music cut to a new song and the girls at the bar sigh, scrambling to fill glasses as the bar got surrounded by men.

 You rolled your eyes as you sighed—generous my ass. 

Instantly, the atmosphere shifted with electricity rippling through the room like wildfire. 

He then turns to you, the usual glint in his eye—dangerous. “Now,” he murmured with a smirk, “where were we?”

But before you could say anything, he turned back around, stopping short—tilting his head as he looked at the guy who hadn't moved. 

Jae’s face twisted with irritation. 

 “What the fuck are you doing just standing there?” he snapped, stepping toward him. With a sharp flick of his fingers in the guy’s face, “I said bring the girls up. Now!”

The guy flinched, nodding sharply and rushed off. 

Jae just scoffed at him as he watched him leave, “Fucking idiot.” He murmured as he went up the stairs. But the soon stopped half way up upon not hearing your footsteps following. 

 He slowly glanced over his shoulder. You were looking down, trying to calm down your nerves. You felt frozen, your pulse was going erratic—

“What are you doing?” You looked up and saw Jae raising an eyebrow at you. 

  You blinked hard, forcing your voice to come out steady. “Well, I was thinking–I just–.” You cleared your throat, composing yourself. “I think I should go get ready with the girls—“ You tell him as you turned around but—

“Y/N.”

The voice cracked like a whip. 

It cut through everything.

You stopped mid-step. Closing your eyes as you exhaled. 

“Get here. Now.”

When you opened your eyes, you lifted up your chin, mentally preparing yourself for what’s to come. 

Your jaw clenched as you inhaled and exhaled through your nose. You could feel the eyes on you—your co-workers watched in the distance with pity or fear in their eyes, men pretending to not notice, and Yunho…

Well, you could feel him—standing there in silence, simmering. 

But you didn’t look at him. 

You turned to face Jae, forcing a smile. The type you wore for your drunk, don’t know personal space regulars—the type you used when you were falling apart but needed to hold it together.  

Your hips swayed like normal as you walked, heels clicking with each step, but your legs felt like concrete. 

Jae just enjoyed commanding you in front of an audience—it gave him an indescribable power. 

He was beyond cruel. 

You moved up the stairs slowly. Chin lifted and lashes lowered—the final control you had over yourself. Jae took out his hand for you to reach and you slowly did, causing a satisfied grin to stretch across his face. He used his free hand and placed it under your chin, whispering to you as he leaned to your ear—his eyes looking to Yunho, “Atta girl.” 

He broke his gaze at Yunho and snapped his fingers. A sharp sound to alert his men to start heading up as well. Some were smiling as they chewed the edges of toothpicks, stretching their necks as they got ready for a night of fun, while some laughed at the disgusting jokes about the girls. 

Among the men—

Yunho.

He didn’t move at first.

He stood there like a statue, burning holes through Jae’s back.  His hands were at his sides, relaxed but dangerous. That muscle in his jaw ticked again.

Then one of his own stepped forward, as if to speak. To say ‘we should just leave.’

Yunho lifted his hand—just barely—and the man stopped.

Silence.

Then Yunho slowly turned his head toward his crew.

A single nod was all he did and they moved.

All of them.

A quiet, synchronized march of tailored suits and quiet danger. You watched from the top of the stairs, walking forced hand in hand with Jae, as they climbed one by one, filling the space with heavy tension. 

Yunho was the last.

And as he stepped up—slow, steady—his eyes never left you which made your breath hitched when you locked eyes with him. 

This was going to be a long night. 

—

In the office, the men spread out—laughing it up with drinks already in hand. They whistled and howled like animals as the girls came in with swaying hips and painted smiles, drifting towards them. 

Some sat on a lap, another straddled a thigh as they ran their hands on the men’s chest, while some danced—not because they wanted but because they had to. 

 The doors behind you shut with a thud. You looked back and saw Jae’s security man guarding the door, eyes roaming the room to make sure everything was okay. The music from below the club bled through the walls and floor, just enough to make a few things rattle.

You walked past the sofa, just trying to find a place to sit far away from all the chaos but before you could even do so—Jae yanked you onto his lap. His hand gripped your waist, hard, causing you to land against him like a rag doll, couch groaning beneath you from the sudden weight. 

“Ah, that’s much better.” He purred into your neck, breath reeking from cigarettes and whiskey. “Now it’s a party.”

 He buried his face in your skin, inhaling like he missed the scent of you more than air. You didn’t move. You just sat there. 

Perfectly still—composed. 

Physically, you were on his lap, but mentally you were gone.

His hand slid up and down your thigh, fingers inching closer and closer up your thigh like he owned it and yet—you didn’t bother to look at him. 

You looked anywhere but him.

Around the room.

Searching.

And then—

You saw him.

Yunho.

Sitting in the center of the sofa on the opposite side. A glass in his hand with the other rested over his knee. His demeanor looked relaxed—almost disinterested. But his eyes say a different emotion—Burning. 

Locked in you.

Your breath caught, and for just a second, your composure cracked. He was able to catch a glimpse of it before you looked away—before you lost yourself even more. 

 Jae clears his throat, raising his glass high, shouting over the music with gleaming eyes, “Everyone,” the room hushed, ears perking to what he has to say. “A toast,” 

The men around started lifting their own glasses as the girls looked at Jae. “To new beginnings! To money! Power—“ He grinned wider, eyes flicking to Yunho, “—and to the best fucking partner a guy could ask for.” 

He thrust the glass toward Yunho, toasting him. Like as if they were equals.

The room erupted—shouts, laughter, glasses slamming on wood, some even pounding fists on the table. Yunho moved slowly, calm, and with a hint of danger. 

He lifted his drink, tilting it in Jae’s direction. 

But his eyes never left you. As he drank—slow, unbothered, cold—his stare never wavered.

It pinned you down more than Jae’s grip ever could.

Soon the chatter began to fade into respective conversations. Jae leaned back with a groan, his grin was lazy as he looked at you in amusement. “Did you miss me, baby?” He slurred to you.

His hand, once more, slid possessively across your thigh, making internally shiver in disgust.

You just stayed quiet, zoning out. He loves the challenge you give him. His hand wraps around your shoulder and brings you closer to his embrace, making you lean into his chest. “God, I’ve been dying to touch you since the moment I left.” He whispers into your ear, leaning down to neck—inhaling your perfume and lets out a satisfied sigh, “You smell so fucking good.” 

 In the moment of placing gentle kissing behind your ear, hands roaming your legs, his eyes flickered to Yunho—who was already looking at you two. 

Jae smirked, bringing his drink to lips and taking a sip before speaking, “Tell me, Yunho,” he said, clearing his throat to lace it with mocked sweetness, “did she take care of you while I was gone?” 

“J-Jae–” you opened your mouth, voice barely forming, trying to stop this conversation. 

“Shut up.” He cuts you off with a hiss and a sharp glance. He then smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes, “The men are talking.” 

Fucking prick. 

You stiffened in his lap, jaw tightening as your gaze darted to Yunho. Your eyes begged to not answer him. His eyes never left yours.

He didn’t rush in answering as everyone stared at him down—waiting for a reply. 

He reached for his glass, took a final sip, and set it down gently—deliberately. His stare locked on yours, sharp enough to cut right through the noise in your mind, right through Jae’s hand on your body.

“She did. In ways you’ll never understand.” He said, causing you to gulp down your nerves as your heart started racing. His eyes flicked to Jae’s hand on your waist, eyes flickered with disgust and hatred, “Does that answer your question or should I… be more specific?” 

Jae blinked once. Twice. Then threw his head back and laughed.

No—screamed.

It started low and ugly, but quickly exploded into an unhinged cackle that shattered the tension like glass on tile.

He slapped the table, nearly knocking over a few shot glasses—still having you in his embrace as you watched him with slightly widened eyes. 

“Ha! Did you fucking hear that?” he howled, turning to his men like it was the joke of the century. “Or should I be specific? ” He said as he mocked the tone of Yunho’s voice. “Shit, Yunho—”

He laughed so hard his face turned red, clutching his stomach with one hand, the other still locked on your thigh. “I leave you alone for a while and you think you run this place?” He said in between laughter. “Careful, Yunho. You run your mouth like that again and I think I might forget we are on the same side.” 

Jae’s men forced out a few awkward chuckles. But even they didn’t know how to respond. The girls didn’t laugh at all. Yunho’s men remained calm and collected. 

The air felt suffocating in the moment.

Behind Jae’s laughter was a slight crack. Did he feel threatened? 

Yunho just sat there with his elbows resting on his knees, gaze locked on you. He didn’t give a fuck if Jae was in the room, didn’t give a fuck what Jae could do— he just needs you. 

You were trembling. 

But not enough for Jae to notice. You felt something inside you shatter into pieces. For the first time in forever, someone had seen you. Trying to protect you from Jae’s bullshit. 

And that someone’s doing just so happened to be the man you’d been trying to ignore and not feel anything for. 

Jae’s laughter echoed through the room. Chest heaving, grinning so wide—he kept repeating what Yunho said—as if it was the funniest shit he has ever heard. 

He took a sip to calm down his laughter and then—

It stopped.

Just like that. 

In a snap of a finger. 

The laughter died in his throat, and his head snapped toward you, your breath hitching. His smile was still there—but it was wrong now. 

Too sharp.

Too still.

And then, without warning, he grabbed your jaw—tight.

Forced you to look at him. You yelled in shock as you held onto his wrist, “Jae! What are you doing!” 

Yunho’s hand slowly formed into fists, controlling himself from causing a scene. 

His thumb pressed hard against your chin, the edge of his nail digging into your skin. His face was right in front of yours now. “Let me make one thing fucking clear.” He ignored your pleas and whimpers of pain, his voice stone cold. “I don’t give a fuck about what you did with him.” 

You froze at his words. 

He leaned in until his lips were a breath from yours, you scrunched up your nose from the smell of alcohol as he whispered to you, “You’re mine. I own you. And you will keep giving me whatever the fuck I want. You got that?” 

The room didn’t move. 

The girls looked in fear as they cowardly took a step back.

Yunho didn’t breathe.

And in that moment, it felt like the walls of the office shrunk—pulled tight around your ribs, around your throat. You couldn’t look away from Jae’s eyes. You couldn’t pull back. His grip wouldn’t let you. “Answer me, Y/N.” Jae demanded of you.

You nodded frantically. “Y-Yes, Ja-Jae.” You managed to croak out as his grip deepened. 

He smirked and then released you as if you were nothing—something that just bored him. 

He leaned back with a shrug, easing his glass to his mouth and finishing it off as if nothing happened. Meanwhile you were panting, chest heaving as your eyes were glued to the floor—trying to grasp what the fuck just happened. 

Yunho has never wanted to kill someone so bad. He watched as you suffered in silence. The way you didn’t completely shove him off or scream in his face—just pleading and giving him what he wants.

Because you knew if you didn’t, it would only make the situation worse. 

Oh my god—

That’s when it just fucking hit Yunho.

That’s why you put the distance.

How could he be so fucking stupid? 

Why did it fucking take him so long to understand. It was the fear that this asshole instilled in you—the unimaginable things he could do to you. 

Jae was wrapped around your throat and you were just doing whatever you could to survive. 

He, idiotically, assumed you were just avoiding him because you didn’t want anything with him. That maybe all you two had was nothing but a fantasy. Maybe, you really did not want him.

But the way your body is broken and shaking in its position—it was a cage. 

His fingers curled tighter around his glass, knuckles going white.

He wanted to snap Jae’s neck. 

He wanted to break and slowly torture Jae. 

But he couldn’t—not here. Not now. Not with you still locked in that bastard’s lap, still pretending you were okay, still holding yourself together with that quiet, tortured grace that he never once understood until now.

You were terrified. 

And right now, he needed to save you. 

—

Finally—

The celebration had burned itself out. 

Empty bottles littered the floor and tables—music was playing but low. Downstairs was the same as the club was winding down as well. The sight of security helping drunken men walk out the door as the girls counted money on stage or at the bar, while others cleaned up.

In the office, half of the men were gone. The remaining were draped across couches or slumped in chairs, heads tilted back, mouth parted with whiskey reeking out the mouths. 

One snored loudly while one was passed out face down on the center glass table. 

And in the center of it all, Jae laid sprawled across the velvety couch like a passed out, drunken idiot. His shirt was half open with his face flushed and arms spread out. 

Completely unconscious. 

Useless. 

You were exhausted. 

Bones ached, head was throbbing, eyes threatening to close—but you didn’t stop. You looked over at Jae and sighed as you got up. You bent over his figure, reaching into his front jeans and pulled out his car keys. He didn’t stir but just slightly groaned. 

You walked across the room to his guard—the only one who was sober of the bunch. You held the keys out, slightly jingling from the action. “Take him home.” You said flatly, just worn out from tonight.

The man firmly nodded as he grabbed the keys from you and walked to Jae, trying to sit up and eventually threw him over his shoulder.

You turned around and your eyes landed on the remaining girls who looked just as tired as you with makeup smudged, waiting for permission to leave. You approached them and helped remove two drunken men off their laps, watching the fall to the floor with a thud.

You sighed as you looked at them, “You ladies can go home.” You say softly. They sighed in relief as they took off their shoes. “Go home and get some rest. Payment for tonight will be distributed tomorrow. Let me know when you make it home.” 

They nodded, giving you grateful glances. One of the girls mouthed thank you before walking away with quiet, barefoot steps. 

You looked around the room and noticed men still lingered. Your eyes then stopped on him. He was still seated in the shadows. You watched as he slowly stood up, eyes still locked in yours. 

There was a pause. 

It felt like just you and him. Time had stopped. How long has it been since it was just the two of you face to face? 

You felt like your heart imploded. 

You can’t do this.

Not right now.

You gathered whatever energy you had left and turned on your heel and ran. 

No warning. 

No words. 

Just the sound of your heels crashing against the tile as you bolted out of the office and down the stairs. Where were you going? No fucking clue. 

But you just needed out.

Your heart raced with adrenaline coursing through your veins as you heard the sound of glass clicking on the table and furniture being bumped into as Yunho quickly followed you with heavy footsteps. 

You turned the corner, trying to catch your breath, fingertips brushing the wall to keep your balance, but before you could reach out of the hallway—

Yunho quickly grabbed your wrist. You tried fighting him off but he was too strong as he shoved you against his chest and then with one swift movement, he dragged you into a nearby room.

He slams the door closed. 

One had besides your head. The other near your waist—he kept you caged in his arms. You two looked at each other with heaving chests, panting to catch your breaths. His chest is nearly pressed into yours.

You didn’t move.

You couldn’t.

There was silence.

Until he broke it—

“Was it him?” He whispered to you. 

He couldn’t believe he missed that one fucking detail. The most important one. 

Your breath caught in your throat, chest rising and falling. ”W-What?” You said with a quiet shaken voice.

His jaw flexed and his hands curled into fists against the door beside your head. His eyes burned into you as he leaned in closer—not threatening, but dangerously close.

“Was it Jae?”

You turned your head, voice weakened, eyes welling with tears—

“I have no idea what you’re talking about—”

“Bullshit.” He cuts you off sharply. 

You flinched at his words. 

And then—he moved. 

His hand cups your face, gently but firm, his fingers trembling slightly as he turns your face towards his. You tried to look away once more—but his hold didn’t let you.

His eyes burned into yours—glassy, furious, begging. “Look at me, please.” 

You tried to blink him away. Tried to drop your gaze again. ”Yunho, just drop it—“

“No.” His voice cracked. “No more running. No more lies. Look at me.”

Your breath hitched. 

Your heart was pounding.

And when your eyes finally lifted—finally met his—you both stopped breathing.

“Was it him? Was he the reason—?”

Three words. 

And everything in you shattered.

You just lost it. 

“YES!”  You screamed out. 

The word tore out of your throat like it clawed itself out—clawing itself out for months. 

Your hands flew up, shoving at his chest, getting you away from him. “Yes, Yunho! It was him!”

You walked past him as your hands reached your hair, feeling like you were going insane, room spinning. You let out a sob as you closed your eyes. 

You dropped your hands to your sides and looked at him. “It’s always been him!” Your voice cracked, hot tears spilling. 

“Every time I was with you, he was there in the back of my mind. Every time you touched me, it felt like—“ You paused trying to find the words. “It felt like he was watching. Every time I was starting to feel safe, just the thought of him reminded me I wasn’t!” 

“I couldn’t fucking do it. I couldn’t get rid of him in my head. I couldn’t lose you to him so I decided to just stop it before we got deeper.” You sniffed. “I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to but I–I couldn’t bear to lose you to him.” 

Yunho’s chest rose and fell with ragged, shallow breaths. His hands hung at his sides—twitching to reach out and to hold you but he didn’t dare. His eyes felt agony as he looked at you like you were the only thing left on this earth. 

He looked at you like you were his lifeline. And it just broke you even more. 

“Don’t,” you whispered, lips trembling as you took a step back. “Don’t fucking look at me like that.” 

He takes a step towards you and you shoved him back, not hard but just enough. “Don’t look at me like I mean something to you.” 

“You do mean something to me, Y/N,” He says as he places his forehead on yours as he closes his eyes, “I’m suffering without you. I’m drowning without you. I’m sorry I didn’t catch on as to why you left. I just—“ he swallowed the lump in his throat, “I just wanted to give you space and respect your boundaries.” 

You sniffed as you felt tears forming fast.

He lets out a sad chuckle, “I miss the way you say my name. I miss the sound of your laugh. I miss the way you look at me. I miss the way you kiss me. I miss the way your body knows mine belongs with you.” He poured out his emotions. “I miss you so much, Y/N, I can’t keep pretending anymore.” 

Tears started streaming down your face, slightly blurring your sight. Yunho reaches out and cups your face so gently—making shit only worse. You hated how you loved the way his thumb brushed just underneath your eye, like he was afraid you’d break. 

You wanted him. 

You needed him so badly. 

But the flashbacks of Jae—his grip and threats he has on you. This could never be. You swallowed, trying to push the ache back down. You couldn’t let this go any deeper. 

You have to protect him.

“No.” You pushed him away from you. 

“You were a fucking mistake. Something I should’ve never done.” Your chest heaved as you glared at him. 

He stared at you in silence for a long moment. He takes a breath—slow and controlled, like he was trying to calm down the angry storm inside him. “I know what you’re doing.” He said softly.

You blinked at him.

“I know you’re just trying to hurt me to push me away. Because you’re scared.” He takes a step closer to you. “You’re scared of what you feel. You’re scared of Jae. Scared of the unknown.”

His voice broke—low and rough. “But let me remind you, that I fucking love you. I would sacrifice everything if it meant to be with you. Stop pushing me away.”

His eyes searched yours, wild and furious and pleading all at once. “It’s you. It’s always been you. The one that I want.” He tells you. “You’re the one I fucking crave. Every second. Every breath.” 

“B-Bullshit.” You stuttered as your composure was falling apart. Your mask is cracking and you could no longer keep up this facade. 

“Bullshit?” He whispered, echoing your words. “You think I’m lying to you?” 

He sniffed as he looked at you. “I’m falling apart, Y/N. I would trade everything I have just have you one more time and have you look at me like you used to.” 

There was silence.

Until you broke it with a whimper. 

A small, fragile sound of your soul cracking in half. 

Your lips quivered as your eyes filled with tears once more. “I’m sorry.” You choked out, over and over, “I’m so sorry.” 

He wasted no time in wrapping his arms around you, holding you tightly in his embrace as you collapsed against him. You buried your face in his chest, fist clinging to his shirt to help you stay up.

“I’m sorry,” “I’m so sorry.” “I didn’t mean to—” You whispered  broken apologies like maybe if you said them enough, he’d understand how deeply you regret treating him like this. 

“Hey, hey,” he whispered as he placed a kiss on your temple. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say that.”

“I just feel so stupid.” Your voice was barely there.

“You’re not.” He tells you. 

 “I’m just a weak, stupid girl who got mixed up in the wrong things. A stupid girl who made horrible decisions—who let a stupid, moronic man own her.” You shook your head, voice trembling as you wiped your face with the back of your hand.

 His hand moved slowly—one caressing up and your back while the other cupped the back of your neck. “Is that all you think you are?” His voice oozes with heartbreak. “Because what I see is a woman who survived shit that others would not be able to handle. You’re not stupid nor weak.” 

 He pulls back and looks into your eyes. “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.” He said swaying you two slightly. “You’re not broken. You’re just tired and I’ve got you now.” 

 You sniffed as you tried calming yourself down, “I’m just so scared.” You confess to him, your hands finding his wrists as you hold onto them as if you’re going to collapse any second. “I’m… just so scared. I’m scared of Jae. I’m scared of losing us–“

He shakes his head, “No. Stop. What we have, nothing—no one—will come between it.” He kisses your forehead. “As for Jae, I’ll deal with him. When the time comes—I’ll make him regret ever laying a finger on you.”

There was a pause.

“I have to tell you something.” You tell him softly. “The reason I left.” 

You looked down and licked your lips. “That day, I got a phone call from Jae around five in the morning,” you looked up at him, “I assumed he knew something because…” you let out a sob, “because he said something that just made me terrified.”

He holds you gently, “What did he say?”

“He said he kept dreaming of me being with another man and if he were to ever find out who it was that he would kill him.” You sobbed out loudly.

He hushes you gently, placing a kiss on your forehead. “So I just thought if I left and made you hate me, you would be okay and safe from Jae.” 

Yunho holds you tighter as you break down some more. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you” 

He shakes his head. “Don’t be sorry. I understand why you did what you did.” He pulls himself back and looks into your eyes, “But you don’t have to do that anymore. You don’t have to protect me from him. Let me do that for you. I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere.” 

He leans down and presses a soft kiss on your lips. 

You melted under his touch as your hands gripped his shirt tighter. You missed this so much. You missed him.  

You pulled away from the kiss, voice quiet, “Can we… go somewhere else?” You asked. “I don’t want to think anymore. I just want you.”

He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on your lips. His mouth lingered on yours with a deep and slow touch until your knees threatened to give out. Your hands stayed tangled in his shirt, refusing to let go, even when he pulled back just enough to breathe.

“Let’s get out of here.” He said in a low voice, against your lips. 

You nodded—silent. 

Breathless. 

—

The second the front door of Yunho’s house shut, he pinned you against it. His mouth crashed against yours—all hot and open—and you gladly reciprocated it back. You two were trying to memorize the taste of each other, desperately trying to burn into your skins. 

You moaned as your hand grabbed the hems of his shirt, lifting it over his head, throwing it somewhere—not really giving a fuck right now. “I’ve been dreaming of you.” He breathed against your lips. “Just like this, in my arms.” 

He didn’t wait for a response—quickly sweeping his arm behind your thighs and lifting you up as your back hit the wall again, legs locking around his waist and fuck—you could feel him all hard and aching through his pants and he carried you down the hall. 

As soon as you two made it into the bedroom, clothes came off rapidly— desperation. He dropped you onto the mattress, hovering over you once more, his mouth capturing your lips once more before pulling back. 

“Let me take care of you.” He tells you in a deep voice with his pupils blown wide. He starts moving down, mouth closed over one nipple—sucking deep with slow pulls that had you gasping, back arching off the mattress.

His other hand massages your other breast—thumb flicking and rubbing over your nipple until it hardens. To which then he switches, sucking on the hardened one—teeth grazing it lightly which makes you let out a whimper.

You let out a sigh of pleasure as your back meets the mattress—feeling him kiss lower and lower as both hands massages your breast. His kisses felt hot, burning, leaving marks as he worshiped your body. 

“I missed you so much.” He murmured. 

“I missed you more.” You breathed out. 

And then—

He dragged his mouth down, leaving a burning trail straight to where you craved him the most. You tried closing your thighs from the overwhelming sensation but he caught you with your hands sliding down your sides, hooking his arms underneath your trembling thighs, pulling you closer to the edge of the bed. 

You felt his breath against your soaked panties and gasped—

Your pussy clenching onto nothing—desperate for his touch. 

He looked up at you once. “Stay open for me.” He said with dark, hungry eyes. He then moved with a slow and filthy look as he pressed teasing kisses, running soft drags over his tongue over your heat causing you to buckle your hips towards him, grinding helplessly- desperate for more. 

He growled lowly—sounds of pure satisfaction. He then slides your panties off and you barely had time to gasp before his mouth was on you. 

The way his tongue licked a slow, hungry stripe from your entrance all the way to your clit. And then—he latched onto your clit, sucking a soft and hard combo type of pressure that sends you into a screaming mess. 

 He grips your thighs—thumbs digging into them— forcing them wide open as your back lifts off the bed again, clutching at his hair grinding into his face. You clenched as you heard his groan, feeling the vibration right through your core. 

He moaned and groaned like he was starving. His tongue put pressure on you until you were writhing uncontrollably. And then—

His fingers. 

“Shit—fuck, don’t stop, please—” You were losing your mind. You couldn’t think or breathe. Gasping as your hands gripped onto his hair, sheets, pillows—something to anchor you down in this moment. 

He pushed them in as he sucked on your clit—curling them upwards as he pushed them in and out, hitting that sweet spot over and over again. 

Your thighs trembled. 

Your body, shaking. 

The stretching and pumping made you scream as his tongue circled your swollen clit. “Yunho–I’m gonna—Oh! I’m gonna—“

You couldn’t speak. 

You just grabbed his hair so tightly he moaned against you. He went faster and faster, fucking you through it, sucking it harder, fingers going in deeper until your orgasm hit you.

 “Yunho, ah! Yunho” You sobbed out his name all wrecked, hips bucking helplessly against his mouth as he licked every last drop of pleasure that oozed out. 

He didn’t stop until you gasped, begging him to do so.

And when you did, he finally pulled back with his mouth glistening. His fingers remained inside you, thumb drawing small soft circles that made you jerk slightly from the overwhelming sensation. 

He looked up at you—all ruined, panting, fucking deperate. 

"Don’t ever fucking leave me again." Yunho rasped, as he stood up, taking off his pants and boxers down his hips with devastating slowness, revealing his already hard, heavy, leaking member.

His voice was hot and broken from the way he worked mercilessly on you. “You look so perfect like this.”

You whimpered as your thighs rubbed up one another, watching his length in his hand. “You’re going to take everything I give you, right?” He asked as he kneels on the bed, getting between your legs. “Every last drop, right?”

“Fuck, yes.” You moaned to him. 

“Is that right, baby?” He hovers his lips over yours 

“Yes. Yes, Yunho,” You breathed out. 

“Everything you give me.” Your hands reached to make place on his shoulders. “I’ll take it.”

You felt fucking feral— needy and desperate and owned— But you loved it. 

He smirked, grabbing your hand and placing a kiss on it and then on your lips. “Good.” His voice felt like it was wrapped in velvet. “Keep your eyes on me.” 

His arms braced on either side of your head—lowering his hips between your thighs. You gasped at the feeling of the thick, heavy weight of his cock, slowly being dragged against your soaked folds. You bite your lower lip, waiting for the moment he goes in and claims you, but he takes his time. 

He lowered his face to yours, mouth brushing against your cheek, jaw, throat—peppering kisses, his breath hot and shaking with restraint. 

And then—

He whispered in your ear, “I’m going to take my time with you.”

You moaned in response, gripping his arms a little tighter. He grinds once more, coating himself in your wetness. 

You let out a sigh of desperation, “Please, Yunho… please.” You whispered. 

And that was all he needed. 

With one slow thrust, he pushed inside you. Stretching you out, filling you up. Breaking you open like you were made for him. But he didn’t rush into it. It was slow and deep causing you to dig your nails into the broad muscles of his back as you were gasping for air. 

“Shit!” You whispered as you closed your eyes, mouth parted.

“Look at me, baby.” He said grabbing your face gently, “Keep those pretty eyes on me as I fuck you.” 

You nodded frantically, gasping, your thighs twitching around his waist, pussy clenching at his words causing him to groan low in his chest. He started to move, slowly, grinding into you. 

Every thrust felt like the wind was knocked out of your lungs. “I missed you so much.” You tell him between moans. 

The drag of his cock made your toes curl and vision blur from the feeling. His hand slid under your jaw, tilting your face up, forcing you to look at him, planting a kiss on your lips. 

The way he watched you made your heart race. You couldn’t blink or look away. 

Soon he started to pick up the pace—pounding hard, deep brutal strokes into your clenching hole. He smirked as he watched your mouth fall open with broken sobs pouring out of you helplessly. 

“Fuck,” he moaned out, his voice all wrecked. “You feel so fucking good…  keep squeezing me like that.” Every thrust made your body jerk the bed, bed frame hitting the wall, “yess, just like that baby.” 

You sobbed his name, feeling the pressure coiling low in your stomach again, too fast. “Yun-Yunho, ah, yes! Like that, please, please!”

“Cum for me again, baby.” he growled in your ear, his hips snapping harder, fucking you into the mattress. “Gonna cum all over my cock, baby?”

You nodded frantically, broken, wrecked, completely fucking gone for him. “Yes!Yes!Yes!” You screamed out as the pressure built up faster and faster. 

And then you shattered. Harder than the previous one. Your walls clenched so violently around him, losing himself as he pounded harder, desperate to chase his own release. He holds your hips down, thrusting so fucking deep, you could’ve sworn you were going to break. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he growled, grinding deep inside you as he fills you up completely. His body shuddered against your as he came hard, holding you to him like were the only thing keeping him alive. 

You shattered around him, gasping, sobbing, your nails clawing uselessly at the sheets as he fucked you through your orgasm—

But it was far from over. 

You cried out, overwhelmed, overstimulated as he just kept going. “Yunho, please, I can’t—”

“Yes, you can.” He cuts you off with a kiss. Slowly, he pulled out of you, painfully slow causing you to whimper from your raw, ruined throat. He chuckled low under his breath as he grabbed you gently, strong arms lifting you onto his lap.

Your body was ruined and over sensitive as you straddled him—thighs trembling against his hips. You pressed your hands against his chest and he reached and grabbed your chin, titling your face up to look into his dark eyes. 

“I’m yours.” He tells you and you paused for a moment. “No one else’s. I belong with you and you with me.”

His words hung heavy on you. 

Your breath hitched. 

His words break down everything you tried so hard fighting to push deep down in your soul.

You leaned in—slowly with some hesitation, your lips barely brushing and then you kissed him. 

Soft. 

Careful. 

Real. 

His hands stilled on your waist, holding you as a sign of security and safety. He let out a soft whimper, almost as a thank you. Your hands snaked into his hair and you tugged it slightly and he tightened his arms around your waist. 

And just like that—you stopped running. 

You aligned his member with your hole and slowly sank down, causing him to moan into your mouth as you whimpered at the stretch, filling you up once more. You let your hand slide down the center of his chest—slow and teasing. 

You kissed the corner of his lips. 

Then his jaw. 

Then his throat. 

You felt him shiver underneath you—He wasn’t moving, he was letting you lead. 

Every movement you did made every vein rub exactly where you needed it. He hissed through his teeth as he threw his head back, his fingers gripping your hips so tightly you were sure bruises would be there tomorrow. 

“I can feel how much you want me.” You say, throwing your head back in delight then looking back down at him.

He looks at you, his breath hitching. “Please, baby… fuck.” You felt his fingers trembling, his eyes begging for you to move but trying to be patient. 

You moved—picking up the pace. Hands placed on the sides of his head as you bounce on him. He let you use him as you wished. Let you fuck yourself on him. You can tell he was trying to stay in control with the way he was gripping you tighter, the way he was thrusting his hip into you, meeting you halfway. 

He felt so good inside you.

You screamed in pleasure—locking down on his cock as you grind harder, feeling that friction to send you over the edge. “Yunho, I'm going to cum, baby, I’m going to cum.” 

He moaned loudly as he planted his feet on the mattress, nodding his head. “Cum with me baby.” He managed to say. And with one final slammed, he held you crushed up against his chest as you two reached your high—

“I love you—I love you—“ Both of you moaning to each other as you ride your highs out.

Your walls clamped down so tight around him as his hips stuttered as he jerked up, riding out both of your highs. You two moaned into each other's mouths, feeling the burns of your thighs as you collapsed against him—both of you catching your breaths, feeling each other’s pulse and heartbeat.

You stayed there for a moment, just trying to calm down. Yunho's hands traced slow, grounding circles into your hips, still deep inside you as his chest rises and falls. 

“Please don’t leave me again, Y/N.”

“I will never, Yunho.” You looked at him and gave him a small smile. 

You reached and kissed him once more.

--

You were glowing for the first time in what felt like forever. Since that night, everything has been perfect. 

With sneaking glances and smiles, you couldn’t help but too feel giddy inside. 

Your feet feel light as you walk into the club. You greeted a few of the girls with easy smiles, the expression actually reaching your eyes, nodding to the DJ who was taking a break at the bar as the low pulse of music played through the dim lights. 

You scanned the floor—casually—eyes searching for Yunho, but he wasn’t there.

But you didn’t think much of it.

You just went back that night, getting lost in your thoughts as you turned the corner—bumping right into someone.

“Oh sh–sorry, I didn’t see–“ 

You stopped—words dying on your tongue.

Jae.

He was smiling—the slow and wicked smile that always sent shivers down your spine. “Just the girl I wanted to see.” 

Your body went cold.

“Hey,” you said carefully, already mangling your body to get the fuck away from him. 

Bue before you could leave, his hand reached out and grabbed your arm, “Not so fast, baby.” He said in a low tone. “Come with me.” 

You blinked. “What? Where?”

His grin widened. “My office.” 

You glanced down at your outfit, gesturing faintly. “Shouldn’t I… change first?” 

“No.” His voice dropped, all mock sweetness gone. “This won’t take long.” 

You had a bad feeling about this. 

That sick twist in your gut was kicking in. But you nodded once and let him lead the way up to his office. 

—

The door to his office swung open—and you froze at the sight. Inside were all his men—including Yunho’s—who were all standing and watching.

Sitting down in the center of sofa was Yunho. Seated—calm and composed. But his eyes locked onto yours the second you entered the room.

His face gave nothing away. 

But the look in his eyes? Said a lot behind them. Your heart raced, hearing the beat up into your ears as the door clicked shut behind you. 

The room was silent. 

Jae’s grip didn’t ease until the office door was shut. He looked around the room and smiled, soft and casual, like this whole meeting wasn’t out of place. 

“Relax,” he said, sneering, rubbing your worst once like it was a kind gesture. He then turned to face the room, “Everyone’s a little too tense these days.” 

You didn’t speak. 

You didn’t move—just being dragged by Jae, who pulled you down into his lap without warning. 

Your body stiffened as he leaned back on the leather couch like he owned the place—including you. 

“So,” he looked toward Yunho. “You know why I called you in here?” 

Yunho hasn’t blinked once. He raised an eyebrow as if saying ‘no I don’t, so tell me why’ as his jaw ticked—his expression still unreadable. 

Jae’s hand slid along your thigh—like he was making his mark on you. You swallowed as you looked at Yunho, who was tensing up. “Let’s talk business for a second,” Jae said as he snapped his fingers, prompting one of his men to put a cigar in his mouth, lighting him up. 

“Mm,” he takes a long drag and exhales all the smoke to the ceiling, “you and I had a deal, remember?” 

Yunho leaned back in his chair, jaw tight, hands clasped together. “Of course, we do. I remember.” His voice was flat. 

Neutral. 

But his eyes never left Jae’s hand on your thigh.

Your eyes flickered down, your nails digging into the side of the couch. Jae didn’t answer right away—smoking his cigar while his free hand moved up your spine—almost as if he was drawing a line. 

You felt goosebumps erupt from his touch—fear. Your body locked up as your throat dried up. He leaned in close to your ear, whispering things only you could hear, but you didn’t flinch, just stared forward in silence. 

Then he leaned back again, eyes twinkling with “innocence”, and looked at Yunho, smirking. Jae’s hand moved to tighten around your waist, fingers drawing small circles over the fabric of your clothes. 

Then, still looking straight at Yunho, he asked, “Why don’t you refresh my memory,” he said, now running that slow hand along your inner thigh causing you to shift slightly, “what was the deal?”

You felt your pulse spike.

Yunho didn’t answer right away.

His stare was locked on Jae, jaw ticking—fury simmering just beneath the surface.

Jae tilted his head, like this was all a casual conversation, not a game of power and territory. 

Yunho remained silent—but that scoff that left his mouth through the room like a knife. He leaned back slightly, trying to decide whether to answer with words—or violence. 

“If you’ve got something to say,” Yunho said coldly, “then spit it out.” 

The room went still.

All the men stiffened a little, sensing the shift in the room.

But Jae? He just grinned. Amused. Unhinged. 

“What’s coming next doesn’t need words.” he replied, placing down the cigar as he leaned back. 

Everything was still.

No one moved.

And then—

Everything happened fast.

He reached for a fistful of your hair and yanked your head back—rough—forcing a cry to rip out of your throat as he shoved you down into the sofa—holding onto his hands.

There was no time to react before he straddled you, leaning down as his disgusting mouth crashed into yours in a violent, possessive kiss.

Immediately, you fought back, shoving at his chest, your voice muffled and panicked. “Get off of me—! Jae—stop it!”

Yunho fucking shot out of his chair but before he could move—

“Ah, ah, ah.” Jae said, reaching behind his pants and with one hand pointed a gun straight at Yunho. 

The room froze. 

Your eyes widened as you shook your head. “Jae—“

Yunho’s body went still, his jaw clenched.

Then—chaos.

Yunho’s men drew their weapons first, each one aimed at Jae’s head, chest, wherever they could hit fast.

Click. Click. Click.

Jae’s men followed, guns drawn, barrels raised, pointed right back.

And still—Jae didn’t move off you. “Jae, listen to me please.” You whispered, your voice cracking as you reached for his face to look at you, “Jae, don’t do this. Please—Please stop.” 

He started laughing—shaking his head in disbelief. His eyes were wild—glazed. “I knew it.” His voice dropped into a whisper as he held onto your hand that held his face. “I fucking knew it.” 

You shook your head saying no to calm him down, trying to calm his thoughts. “Listen to me, Jae, please. It’s not what you think.” 

And then—he screamed. “I FUCKING KNEW IT!”

He shoved the gun against your cheek, his other hand gripping your jaw so tight it hurt. “How could you do this to me?! Why would you do this to me?! I fucking saved you!” His voice cracked, spit flying everywhere—eyes were nothing but manic.

 He leaned in closer, pushing in the tip of the gun further into your cheek. “I gave you everything!” He said through gritted teeth. “And this is how you repay me? Spreading your legs like a fucking whore? With him?!”

Your chest was heaving. You tried to calm him, tears blurring your vision as they fell down the sides of your face, hands trembling as you tried to grab his wrist. “Jae, you don’t know what you’re saying—Jae, please! Just calm down—“

“Don’t tell me to fucking calm down!”

“Jae—” Yunho’s voice cut in, sharp and cold.

“Shut up!” Jae roared, eyes snapping to him. “EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!” 

The room was dead silent—guns still drawn, trigger fingers shaking as arms were extended out. Jae was completely spilling out. 

Jae’s chest was rising and falling fast, his grip tight in your hair, the gun still in place on your face. Your hands shook against his forearm, trying to keep your voice steady. 

You reached out to caress his face—desperate to calm him down. “Please, Jae… you don’t have to do this.” 

Soon enough—

Yunho steps forward. Just one measured and controlled step. Guns shifted instantly as they followed his movements. “Jae.” His voice was firm and low. “This is between you and me.” 

“She has nothing to do with this.” He said as he took another step closer, arms up in surrender. 

“I fucking trusted you.” He snarled through gritted teeth, his voice shaking as he pointed at Yunho with his gun causing you to gasp at the removal of the gun. “I fucking brought you in. We were partners, man. And you turn around and do this shit to me? My girl? My fucking girl?” 

His breathing uneven, ragged as his chest rises and falls as he hovers above you. The gun trembled slightly in his grip, his eyes bloodshot and locked into yours.

His free hand caresses your face which causes you to whimper in fear. “I’m giving you one last chance,” his eyes searched for yours, “Tell me the truth, Y/N.”

Your lips parted, breath shaking. You shook your head, “Nothing happened, Jae,” you sniffed as you let out a shaken breath, “I’m yours. You know that.” 

His jaw flexed. The scoff that left his mouth wasn’t amused—it was dark. He looked up—signaling for his men, “Show her.” 

“What?” You whispered as your eyes snapped towards the door. Footsteps and scuffling—soon enough a phone was shoved in your face. It was recordings of you and Yunho in the club, him leaving your apartment, entering his house—everything. 

Your eyes widened as your gaze shifted to Jae who was shaking his head. “Imagine my reaction when I see this bullshit happening behind my back.”

“No,” you whispered, trying to sit up once more but Jae shoved you back down hard. 

“You got careless.” He said in anger. “I told you that you were mine. Did you really think I wasn’t going to have people follow you around? Come on, Y/N.” He drags the tip of his gun from your temple to your jaw.

He tilted the gun, resting the cold barrel gently beneath your chin, forcing your face upward. “But I’m feeling nice,” voice dropped into something that was tender but behind it was venom. “Let's try again. What did you do?” 

You stayed silent in words as you let out a sob. “Jae, it was nothing.” You shake your head as you look at his face change into disbelief. 

“Nothing?” He repeated. “You fucking slept with him? Didn’t you?!” He yelled in your face.

"No!"

Yunho took a step forward again, slow and heavy. “Jae.”

Jae snapped in is direction, “Don’t you fucking speak.” He snaps at him and then looks back at you.

He closes his eyes and he throws his head down, just exhausted from all of this shit. “You know what—this is what’s going to happen—“

Jae gets off of you. 

“Let’s just make it even.” He cocks the gun and points it to Yunho, “I’ll just kill you.” He said nonchalantly—so far gone out of his mind, he went numb. 

“No!” The scream tore out of your soul. 

You lunged from the couch, trying to grab his arm—or anything—to stop him but his men held you back and pinned you to the sofa. “Let me fucking go—! Jae! Don’t do it, please don’t fucking do it.” 

He shrugged you off like you were nothing, just a buzz in his ear. His eyes remained fixed in Yunho—whose stance didn’t change. “You don’t want to do this.” Yunho spoke in a firm, steady voice. 

Jae stopped a few feet away. He titled his head all deranged–like as his grin widened—then he laughed a cruel and sharp laugh.

“You think I give a fuck?”

He steps closer to him and aims the gun to the center of Yunho’s chest. “You took everything from me.” He whispers to him as a single tear drops down his cheek. “Say goodbye.”

Just as he was about to pull the trigger—

BANG.

The gunshot rang through the room like a thunderclap. You screamed—lunging forward—expecting to watch Yunho fall. 

But—

Your eyes widened as you watched Jae stumble.

His body jerked forward as he coughed up blood, looking at Yunho in confusion as he looked down to his shirt—watching blood soak up the side of it. He drops to one knee—shocked— gasping at the sight. 

Behind Yunho, one of his men lowered his weapon, still aiming but steady. “Drop the gun.”

Lee.

You let out a gasp.

All of Jae’s men stood in shock as they watched Jae fall on his back. Blood pooling on the floor. One of the guys looked at the man who shot Jae and yelled out as he started shooting randomly on the opposite side.

Quickly, everyone ducked down as the room erupted with gunshots. Men shouting as weapons discharged. Yunho moved instantly to shield you, “Get her out—now!” He barked at his men. 

“Come with me,” You tell Yunho as he cups your face, giving you a sad smile. The men didn’t hesitate as they gripped around your arms, “No, no—wait! Yunho!”

“I’ll be okay.” He yells at you, watching you safely leave the office. You twisted as they dragged you toward the door, glancing back just in time to see him—his broad back facing you now as he turned back to the chaos. 

Yunho turned and found Jae, weakly crawling to hide underneath his desk—leaving a streak of blood behind. Yunho bends down and turns Jae into his back. 

He coughs up blood, spilling over his lips as he clutches his side. 

Jae looks at him with widened eyes as he lets out a small gasp. Yunho stared at him with a dead cold look, “You’re about to find out what happens when you raise a gun at me.”

Jae screamed. Wild and animalistic.

Yunho simply lets out a laugh as he pulls out a knife from his back pocket. He raised an eyebrow at Jae, “I told you to drop it and we could’ve spoken about it.”

Jae just kept screaming and that was the last of what we know.

—

The club was a clusterfuck—people screaming, heels clacking on tile, girls hiding behind the bar counters, dancers scrambling for the back exit. Music was still playing as the lights flashed. But the sound of the gunfire had already bursted through everything. 

The guards moved like a fucking wall. Shoving everyone out the fucking way—forcing a path through the screaming crowd. 

You stumbled and gasped with all the shoving. Barely able to breath but finally—

You three made it out to the club and was quickly shoved into the back seat of a black car, your heart hammering in your chest. “Wait—what about Yunho? We can’t leave without him.” 

One of the men placed the seat belt on you and looked at you with an unreadable expression. “Don’t worry. He’s right behind us.” He lied to you. “We have to get you out of here.” 

But you knew. They were just trying to calm you down. They were just doing their job. 

You didn’t fight it. Didn’t argue as he closed the door. You place a hand on the window, praying that Yunho makes it out alive and well. 

Your heart raced as you were driven out of there, looking at the front door crashing open as people fled in every direction. The loud sounds of guns and sirens wailing in the distance made you cover your ears as you silently cried in the back seat. 

You hoped he just came back to you. 

-

The drive felt eternal.

Quiet—with the occasional sniffs. The men would look at you through the rearview, checking up on you. 

The chaos had long faded into the distance, with city lights being replaced by the long stretch of the road and trees. You didn’t bother asking where you were going. You didn’t care or tried to speak. 

Soon enough the car had slowed down causing you to look up. Tall gates. Stone walls. A very nice estate planted on top of the hillside—remote, impossible to go in without being allowed in. 

The man on the passenger stepped out first, checking the perimeter, then opening your door once it was clear. “We’re clear. Let’s get you inside.” 

You nodded as you unbuckled the seatbelt. You followed silently—feet dragging shading the ground, your muscles hurting, and head throbbed.

Inside, the house was warm and dark. Also too quiet for your liking—it felt empty without Yunho. You took in the decor of the house as the men led you to your room—feeling teary eyed from the faint smell of cologne he would use. 

“This is where you’ll be staying until he comes back.” The man tells you as he opens the door for you and waits for you to step inside. Once you do, you notice that this is Yunho’s room—not a guest room. 

“If you need anything, please let us know.” He tells you. 

You turned around and gave a tight smile, “Thank you.” And with that he nods and closes the door, giving you your privacy. 

You slowly walk to the bed, the sounds of your steps following you as you sit at the edge of the bed. You stared at nothing—feeling the silence engulf you as you shattered. 

Your shoulders trembled first, hot tears pouring over your cheeks as you just cried. 

For everything.

Alone.

The fear. 

The violence. 

For the moment Jae pointed the gun at you. 

For the moment you thought he would pull the trigger at either you or Yunho. 

For Yunho, still in the shootout while you sat here in safety. 

You felt conflicted as memories of the night flashed in your mind. You, eventually, curled up into the bed, knees drawn up. You smelled his sheets and held on tightly, pretending it was him for a sense of comfort. 

“Please come back to me.” You closed your eyes as you whispered to yourself. “Please be safe.”

You just laid there in his bed—surrounded by everything that smelled like him. Surrounded by all of his things. 

You replay the last words he told you in your mind. ‘I’ll be okay’ 

You believe it.

Even if it fucking hurt to hold on to that belief.

—

Time blurred–you don’t know how long you were asleep for. You fell asleep with your hands fisted tight into the sheets, as if letting go would be losing the feeling of him being there. 

You were then jolted awake—

A knock. Soft and controlled. 

You sat up and froze as you looked at the door. 

Were you dreaming? Did you imagine the sound of a knock?

But then—

Another knock.

Then a low voice, muffled through the door. “Ms. Y/N? He’s here.” 

Oh my god. 

You pushed off the bed—your knees nearly buckling underneath you as they had no time to grasp your weight. You opened the door and quickly made it down the hallway, heart beating so loud you heard it in your ears. 

You passed the living room and that’s when you saw him—

Yunho. 

His face was bruised with dried up blood along the side of his mouth, his jaw, knuckles. He was standing there, staring at nothing—complete exhaustion but when he looked up and saw you—

He let out the biggest sigh of relief. 

You two took slow and cautious steps towards one another—terrified if you blinked then he would be gone. 

Soon enough you two collided. 

His arms wrapped around you instantly, pulling you in so close you could barely breathe. “You’re okay.” You whispered, your voice cracking on each word. “You’re okay, you’re okay—“

You looked at him and he cupped your face. “I was so scared that something had happened to you.” You sniffed as you felt tears dwelling in. 

“I told you I would be okay.” He leaned down and kissed you. You savored every bit of that kiss—you made sure you burned it into your heart. 

You leaned into his touch before gently grabbing them, “Your hands,” you mentioned it and then you looked up to his face, “Are you okay? Should we take you to a hospital?” 

You reached out to touch his face. He smiled as he shook his head, “No, it’s okay. Don’t worry.”

You swallowed as you looked down for a second, preparing yourself to ask, “What–What about… Jae?” You said hesitantly. 

“You don’t have to worry about him anymore.” He takes your hand and kisses it. “You don’t have to worry about anything anymore. You are free.” 

Your mouth parted in shock as you hugged him tightly, feeling a rush of emotions take over you.

You can start over again and nothing or no one will be holding you back.

You let out a shocked gasp as you just reached for him again, kissing him desperately. 

-

Two years later 

The sun was beautiful this morning. The rays hit your skin—enjoying the warmth on your skin as you glanced at him from the passenger seat. 

One hand was on the wheel while the other was resting on your thigh—drawing small circles with his thumb. You leaned in the touch as you sighed, “Are you really not going to tell me where we are going?” 

He just let out a deep chuckle as he smirked. “You’ll see, baby.” He tells you for the hundredth time causing you to raise an eyebrow at him and playfully crossing your arms as you turn to look outside the window. 

“Keeping secrets from me I see.”

He just laughed at your words, “You mean like how you snuck out the house and told my guard to keep it a secret between you two?”

You cleared your throat as you looked at your lap and then back out the window, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“Sure you don’t.” 

But soon enough, he would pull into a huge parking lot with a huge building to match it that made you furrow your eyebrows but then parted your mouth as you took off your sunglasses to see the sign clearly. 

“Community College?” you said slowly, confused, laughing lightly—trying to not get your hopes up as he parks the car next to the school's sign.

He places the car in park, turning it off, and shifts to face you. He gives you a real big smile, all soft and proud. “It’s time, baby.” He said simply, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “It’s time for you to live your life and do what you want to do. 

You stared at him. 

Your heart stopped as tears welled instantly in your eyes. “Yunho… Are you serious?” Your voice cracked into a whisper. 

He simply nodded as he wiped your tears, grabbing your hand and placing a gentle kiss on the back of it. 

You quickly threw your arms around him, squealing and laughing—and crying. You peppered kisses all over his face, causing him to laugh. "I—I can’t believe this— There’s no way this is happening.” 

“Believe it.” He murmured, kissing your temple. “You deserve it and more.” 

You gasped and looked out the window again. Your eyes twinkled as you saw students walking in and out of the building, people working on school projects or homework—whatever it is, you can’t wait to do the same. 

You wasted no time busting the car door open, slamming it shut— almost eating the floor as you stepped out with a squeal that echoed in the parking lot. 

You started to sprint to student services but then—

You turned around to see that Yunho had stepped out after you, leaning casually against the hood, watching you with the same smile. “What happened?” He asked you, laughing at your antics.

You opened the car door again and put down the mirror and fixed yourself. “They are going to think I’m crazy with my face all red and my makeup all smudged!” 

He sneers. “Babe, you look beautiful.” 

“I look insane!” You tell him as you finish fixing yourself. He just shook his head, there’s no getting to you when you are in these moments. 

Soon there you go again—hauling ass to student services and he watched you in full admiration. Arms crossed, eyes soft. He could see every version of you he had fought to protect walking through those doors.

And he didn’t follow you.

Not this time because this was for you. 

—

Later on you came bursting out of the building with papers in your hands, eyes all lit up with a smile that stretched so wide it was starting to hurt a bit—but you didn’t care. 

Yunho was waiting for you at one of the tables near the entrance and when you spotted him—you were already at his side, all breathless and beaming. 

“They were all so nice! They answered every single question, and didn't make me feel like a burden at all. Like, look at all this info—I can either do this one which is ocean science or I can do research focused and I think I’m leaning towards research focused but I don’t know! I just feel so overwhelmed and I love it—! Oh, I gotta buy notebooks—“

You were tugging him down the parking lot to the car, by hand and your voice just spewed everything all at once as you clutched onto your enrollment packet in the other. 

This was music to Yunho’s ears. He loved seeing you in your element. He just kept on that gorgeous smile, the one he only ever saved for your eyes only. 

He laced his fingers tightly with your as he let you rant—no interrupting, no teasing, just letting you be you. Letting you enjoy this savory treat of freedom. 

“—and I swear, if I can get into this one research lab with ocean current tracking, I can honestly die in peace, Yunho. You think I’m playing—"

He finally chuckled, squeezing your hand and gently tugging you to a stop. You blinked up at him and he just looked at you for the longest moment. 

And then—

“You’re gonna own the whole fucking ocean, baby.” He tells you. 

You let out a small laugh, biting your lip, “Do you really think I can do this?” You scratch the back of your head, “I’m really nervous but excited for it.” 

His hand lifted to your cheek. “You’ve already done the hardest part.” He plants a small kiss on your lips. ”I know you can do this. And I’ll be right here next to you, the whole way.” 

You launched yourself into his arms again—papers crumpling between your chests and two just shared a laugh.

For the first time in your life, you weren’t surviving—You were dreaming. —

A few weeks into college and you still trying to hold on to that excitement you had a few weeks ago because fuck—

Who knew these clubs were cutthroat. 

Tonight you were spread out on the bed—textbooks open, course flyers scattered across the blanket, hair falling in every direction as you flipped pages—highlighting key words or sentences as you whispered facts to yourself. 

You didn’t even notice Yunho walking in—shirtless, towel hanging very low on his hips, hair still damped from the shower. 

But he definitely noticed you. 

The look on your face. The way you bit your lower lip in focus. The way your eyebrows furrow as you read. The way you looked in his t-shirt—fuck. 

You looked so fucking beautiful.

“So,” he said in a low voice, leaning against the doorframe as he crossed his arms—a faint smirk pulling at his lips. “What do I get if I pass your flashcard tests?”

You blinked up from your notebook, arching a brow at him. “A sticker of a sea otter. And maybe bragging rights. If you  don’t mess up.” 

He smirks further. “Tempting,” he murmured, pushing himself off the frame and walking towards you, slowly. “But. I was thinking about something a little more… you know…”

His hand landed on the edge of the bed. Then the mattress dipped, “… motivating.” 

You laughed, feeling the heat in your cheeks as you tried to gather the paper but he was already crawling over them, grabbing your legs and hooking them on his waist, eyes locked on yours. 

“Yunho, no—"

“No distractions.” He whispered, nuzzling your neck as he placed kisses on them. “But—every right answer earns you a reward. Every wrong one, I take something off, mmm?” 

“Mmm, I think not.” You say with a straight face to which he smirked. 

You remained—sorry, you tried to be—in study mode. 

But the way his hands move quickly, hand slipping under the hem of your shirt. Fingers ghosting over your skin—okay. 

Maybe the marine life can wait. 

He kisses you slowly, flashcards falling to the floor in a spread as your hands moved up and tangled in his hair, letting out a quiet moan.

You loved him and he loved you. 

You were safe, loved, and free.

Beautifully free.

THE END

_

Bonus scene:

"You know I can walk to my class right?" You tell Yunho who walks hand in hand with you to your first class.

He just smiles at you and turns to face you in front of the classroom door. "I know, but I wanted to see your face when you entered."

You just sneered at him. "You're so silly." You tell him as you looked into his eyes in a slight trance. "Thank you." You whispered to him.

You leaned into him and gave him a gentle kiss to which he wrapped his arms around your waist, deepening the kiss.

"Ahem, ahem!"

You two jumped back and looked at the voice who startled the both of you. Soon enough, you both widened your eyes at the person. It's the old man from your building.

"S-Sir?" You stuttered out in shock.

"It's professor Kim to you." He said as he raised an eyebrow. glaring at you above his glasses. He walks past you two, "Class starts in five minutes. I assume you are prepared?" He gives you a look as he heads inside.

"Yeah," Yunho said as he looks at you, "I don't think glaring him down to give you an A will work on him. He scares me."

You playfully slap his arm, "My hero."

You walked to the door, "Okay, I have to go." You said in a slight rush and he pulls you back from your arm and smiled at you, "Have a great day at school today. I love you."

"I love you too." You smiled as you placed a kiss on his lips and walked inside.

[mattsslvtt]

ɪ ᴄᴀɴᴛ ꜱʟᴇᴇᴘ.

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ; ᴘᴜʀᴇ ꜱᴍᴜᴛ, ᴀʟᴏᴛ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴡᴇᴀᴛ, ᴄʀʏɪɴɢ, ꜰᴇᴍᴀʟᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ, ꜱʟᴇᴇᴘʏ ꜱᴇx, ꜱᴄʀᴀᴛᴄʜɪɴɢ, ᴘ ɪɴ ᴠ, ᴜɴᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ ꜱᴇx(ʙᴇ ꜱᴀꜰᴇ), ᴄᴜᴍᴍɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀꜱ ʙᴀᴄᴋ, ᴘᴇᴛ ɴᴀᴍᴇꜱ(ʙᴀʙʏ, ᴍʏ ʟᴏᴠᴇ, ʜᴏɴᴇʏ, ʜᴏɴ, ꜱᴡᴇᴇᴛʜᴇᴀʀᴛ, ɢᴏʀɢᴇᴏᴜꜱ ɢɪʀʟ, ᴘʀᴇᴛᴛʏ) // ʟᴍᴋ ɪꜰ ɪ ꜰᴏʀɢᴏᴛ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ<3

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ; ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ꜱʟᴇᴇᴘ, ꜱᴏ ꜱᴘᴇɴᴄᴇʀ ʜᴇʟᴘꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀʟᴍ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛꜱ.

It's late, Much too late to do anything but sleep — to be more specific it's 3:17am, Spencer; your boyfriend got home from a rough case about 2 hours ago and all he wants to do is sleep, infact, he's almost asleep right now, but your not. You're wide awake, just staring at the ceiling. You don't know why, because you ARE tired.. but you just can't sleep, not when spencer is lying next to you looking so SO perfect... he always does, but tonight, he's delicious looking. The window is cracked, letting light from the moon seep in and catch his features in the most angelic way, his hair is laying over his forehead messily, a few beads of sweat on his forehead, a few strands of his pretty brunette locks sticking to his damp skin. His chest rises and falls slowly, his arms are draped over his stomach, and the sheets are pushed down to just above his knees. His adams apple bobs slightly as he swallows, letting out a lengthy exhale.

You push the covers off your legs and sit up "Spencer.. baby?" Your voice is hushed, but his eyes very slowly open, and he turns his head to look at you "What is it, my love?" His voice is raspy and weak, you can tell just by how he sounds that he's exhausted, guilt forms in your throat, making you struggle to find your words for a moment "I can't sleep.." he sighs at your statement, just laying there silently for a moment before gradually sitting up "Why not? What are you thinking about, hon? " his voice is still weak and raspy but you can tell he's a little worried. It's not very often that you can't sleep "I dunno.. I'm sorry. I know you're tired.."

He turns his head to look you in the eyes "Nooo.. I mean – I am tired.. but if something's the matter, you can tell me" he grasps your hand and intertwines his fingers with yours "no nothings wrong... I just can't sleep, like I'm tired but.. I don't know.." the whole time you guys have been talking, your eyes have been locked on his face, you haven't looked away once "I don't know what to say baby, is there something you think will help?" You just stare at him, in the back of your head you want to say sex, you want to ask him to touch you, but you know he's tired so your afraid to ask "i don't know..." you finally drag your gaze away from his face "tell me what you want pretty." He tilts your chin up and brushes a strand of hair out of your face. His eyes are drooping, he's so visibly tired it makes your heart ache a little "no your tired.." he can tell you feel guilty for whatever reason and he sighs "just tell me.. please." He's starting to get just a little annoyed, he knows you feel guilty but he knows you know he will always prioritize you over himself.

"Can we have sex..." you finally let the words leave your lips, but your voice is shaking "oh sweetheart.." he sighs, squeezing your hand "I know I know I'm sorry-" he cuts you off "no no don't apologize, we can, but I can't promise I'll do as good as usual honey" he brings your hand up to his mouth and presses a kiss to your knuckles "don't worry– I want sleepy sex.. slow sex I mean.. I just want you.. ok?" Your eyes are pleading "Ok baby.. ok" he presses his lips gently to yours. You both scoot down until you're lying down again. He pulls his mouth away to take your tank top off. You're not wearing a bra, so your tits are immediately visible to his gaze "oh my pretty baby.." he squeezes one of your boobs gently, but his touch is slightly hesitant.

You sigh quietly, letting your eyes fall closed "my gorgeous girl.." he rolls your nipple between his thumb and index finger slowly, making you whine. With his other hand, he reaches between you two and slides your sleep shorts down "kick them off baby.." you immediately do as he says, kicking them off your ankles and letting them fall somewhere on the bed, He rubs extremely slow circles on your clit through your panties "Spencer no teasing seriously.." you whimper. He presses a kiss to your jaw and slides your panties down to your knees, he presses his thumb to your clit but doesn't move it at all "spencer.. please." Your hand snakes up his back "and take your clothes off.. I want to feel you.." he hums softly as he sits up and tugs his shirt and sweatpants off, he takes this opportunity to slide your panties the rest of the way off "look at you.. my perfect girl.."

He drags his middle finger through your damp folds before rubbing circles on your clit, your hips twitch towards his touch and he chuckles quietly, he presses his lips to your jaw again, letting them linger a little longer this time as his fingers speed up a bit "oh god..." you mewl, your hands splayed across his back, which is slightly sticky with sweat "that feel good sweetheart?" He mutters against your neck, you nod frantically "y-yes.. yes spencer.." you babble, beads of sweat forming on your forehead. He leisurely slides his fingers down your slit before slipping his fingers into your tight cunt. They slide in easily because your extremely wet. A choked moan leaves your lips and your nails scratch down his back. He sucks in a breath through his teeth "I wanna be inside you..." he whispers the words against your jaw "Please..." your Plea is enough of a yes for him, he tugs his boxers down and kicks them onto the floor "how do you wanna do this, pretty?" He's referring to what position you want, he always makes sure to ask you "whatever you want.." you whisper back, giving him a soft smile "Ok hon, roll over f'me" you nod before turning over onto your stomach.

He puts his hand under you– against your lower stomach, lifting your hips up. You feel the head of his cock press against your dripping pussy before he pushes in slowly, his sweaty chest pressing to your back. He groans against your shoulder quietly, pushing all the way in, the tip of his dick pressing against your cervix, a strangled gasp leaves your lips, you bury your face in the pillow as he starts thrusting slowly but he wraps his hand around your neck, pulling your face away from the fabric "i wanna hear you hon.." Whines leave your lips at his words, God, he's so good at sex. His hips snap forward quicker, fucking you into the mattress, your bodies are slick with sweat but neither of you care in the slightest. "My perfect girl..." he whispers against your ear. Your moans ring out along with the sound of skin Slapping against skin and Spencer's panting. Warmth pools in the bottom of your stomach as you already get close to cumming, you feel pathetic for being so easy but you really can't help it, Spencer makes you feel so good.

"Are you gonna cum baby..?" His voice is raspy in the best way, making you impossibly wetter, your walls flutter around his cock. "Y-yes.." you sob, tears slowly rolling down your cheeks as his dick kisses your g-spot with every thrust. Not even 20 seconds later your orgasm rips through you, all your muscles tightening under him, he thrusts a few more times before pulling out, he moans as he cums across your back. He rolls over and lays next to you for about a minute before he gets up. He comes back with a wet washcloth and gently cleans his cum off your sweaty skin. You roll over and lock eyes with him "there's my gorgeous girl.. are you ok?" You nod in reply to his question "yes.. I'm better than ok" he smiles softly, pressing a kiss to your forehead before disappearing into the bathroom again, he comes back shortly after and plops down next to you "no need for clothes hm?" You nod and roll over to face him "let's just sleep.." he kisses your lips gently and tugs you against him "Yeah.. let's sleep baby."

ᴀ/ɴ: ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴡᴀꜱɴᴛ ᴀꜱ ʀᴜꜱʜᴇᴅ ᴀꜱ ᴍʏ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜰɪᴄ ʙᴜᴛ ɪᴍ ꜱᴜᴘᴀ ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ ꜱᴏ ɪᴛ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ᴀᴡꜰᴜʟ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅɴᴛ ʙᴇ ᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴇʟʟ 💔

[cozmicnymph]

lol dumbass can't even have the guts to answer for their transphobia. No one is "erasing lesbians" by HC VI as a trans man. You're just looking for an excuse to be transphobic and claiming "lesbian erasure" as a deflection. There's nothing wrong with a trans man seeing themselves in VI and wanting to HC her as a trans man, especially considering that lots of trans men still have a relationship with lesbianism and sapphic culture. VI is still a cis woman at the end of the day and a random trans man feeling seen by VI or relating to CaitVI and making a HC on tumblr.com does not "erase lesbians." Again, youre just looking for an excuse to be transphobic and then being so cowardly that you have to immediately block anyone who points it out.

first of all. learn to read my tags. I said very clearly that Vi can have a complicated relationship with gender. I never said she couldn't be transmasc or gnc or fluid — I literally acknowledged all of that. What I said was: making her a man while keeping Caitlyn a woman erases lesbians. And yes, that’s a problem.

I’m trans. I’ve dated across the spectrum — trans men, trans women, nonbinary people. I’ve been open about that for years. My issue here has nothing to do with being “anti-trans” and everything to do with how people love to take the masculine woman in a sapphic ship and decide she must be a man. That’s a pattern. That’s a problem.

Vi is a woman. She's canonically referred to with she/her pronouns in both Arcane and League. She has a masculine presentation — and that’s part of what makes her so powerful in a sapphic context. Masculine women exist. Lesbians who look like Vi exist. And every time someone says “well she’s basically a man to me,” what you’re saying is “I don’t see masculine women as real women.”

That is lesbophobic. That is erasure.

This also refers to the fact that people always keep Caitlyn as a cisgendered woman. If both of them have a complicated relationship with gender? If it’s a little funky, if it’s a little queer-coded or strange — sure, queer culture runs deep, I know that. But I’m saying: when you make Vi a man and keep Caitlyn a cis woman, that erases lesbianism. Period.

Because — and I shouldn’t have to spell this out, but apparently I do — trans men are not lesbians. Trans men can relate to lesbianism. Trans men can have a past with it, trans men can engage in sapphic culture. But trans men. Are. Men. And the entire point of lesbianism is that there is no man in the relationship.

Yes, masculine people can be lesbians. Yes, nonbinary lesbians exist. No, I’m not debating the finer points of queer identity in this post because Tumblr dot com has forgotten what reading comprehension is. My issue — clearly stated — is: you make Vi the man because she’s masculine, and you keep Caitlyn the woman because she’s feminine. That’s the logic. That’s the pattern. And that’s why it’s f***ed.

Vi can absolutely be transmasc. Vi can be gender-nonconforming. Vi can have a weird little gender. But when you decide she's a man with a dick and Caitlyn is still a cis woman and it’s presented as a ship, yeah — that erases lesbianism. Straight up.

It feels misogynistic. It feels lesbophobic. Because what you're telling people is that masculine women are basically men and only feminine women get to stay women. That every sapphic dynamic must have a “man” and a “woman.” And that’s f***ed up.

I’m a masculine woman. I want to relate to Vi. I do relate to Vi. I don’t want her to be seen as a man because I am not a man. I want to know that I can be dominant, strong, protective, and masculine — and still be a woman. Vi gave us that. She was tough. She bound her chest. She protected Caitlyn. She was messy and tender and violent and soft. And she was still a woman. That matters.

So let me end it here: if you make one of the lesbians a man, and that one is the masculine one, and you keep the feminine one a woman — it is lesbophobic. It is misogynistic. You don’t have to like that, but you do have to own it.

And the wildest part? You had to hop onto a sideblog and misrepresent what I said in order to accuse me of transphobia, instead of just reading the post and tags like a grown adult. So maybe ask yourself why you felt the need to do all that mental gymnastics just to avoid engaging with the actual critique.

Grow up.

[untossablefossil]

Hey hey if society sees me as a woman but corrupted beyond saving and treats me accordingly I actually don't benefit from patriarchy.

If you're treating this like a dichotomy where one side is holding the stick and the other side is getting hit with it I am still decidedly on the end of the stick getting hit here.

Literally all the misogyny I used to experience before I came out, I still get but worse. Please tell me how the ways I benefit from structural misogyny are invisible to me. I would love to know how I secretly get treated better that before. It can be uncomfortable to acknowledge that men don't all have a unilateral experience of privilege in a patriarchal system, but it is something you should be aware of when it comes to other cis men, too. That's what intersectionality is.

I don't pass, good chance I never will, but I can't match the expectations of a cis woman, either. I am visibly trans and queer, and it feels like my gender is being used against me by cis people who hold actual structural power over me to withhold support and understanding at a time that is critical for trans rights, while ignoring the real lived experiences of trans men and transmascs. I don't know how to begin to explain to you that this is not a step up from before I started transitioning if you can't already see it.

Cisnormative frameworks cannot be imposed on trans people in any meaningful way. We fundamentally expose the shortcomings of gender theory developed by solely looking to cis people for reference, just by existing. I'm confused on why you choose to double down that trans men are actually magically identical to cis men in this somehow, instead of maybe acknowledged that a marginalised group does not have the experience that you assume it does.

It's ok to be wrong, the important thing is to learn.

we can't even get a basic "all men structurally benefit from a misogynist society" to pass on this website without a bunch of queer men shooting themselves into a panic cause they get too uncomfortable about the idea of being culpable to self reflect. "feminist" website

[ba-matorangirl]

I... I need to rant-vent. Does anyone else feel like Optimus Prime was lying at the end of the film when he was giving his speech? Lying to me, lying to the audience, lying to everyone on Cybertron, lying to himself. And his hope in general conflicts with the reality of his situation? Because they are not together as one by the end, they don't all have the power to transform, to become who they were destined to be, to right wrongs, to make their world better, here, not all are truly Autobots. And deep down, Optimus knows this. Because of Megatron, the thing wearing D-16's skin. He banished him as his punishment for his crimes because he thinks his best friend is lost forever.

Seeing Optimus and Megatron become enemies was bad enough. But the fact that nobody, not even Bee or Elita, was emotionally affected by or acknowledged what happened to Megatron and the high-guard (notice how they don't even console or comfort Optimus, nor does he even address his feelings)... that the energon was flowing again and everyone got their cogs back, all without everyone there to see it (Megatron and the high-guard)... that the one person who needed that hope the most never got it... to top it all off with that speech at the end. It's emotionally suffocating, like I can't fully process my feelings.

I was never the most hopeful or optimistic person, but I don't like to pretend everything is fine, and I prefer to feel my feelings and not turn to stone. If you don't acknowledge the horror or hopelessness of a situation, you can't look for a solution. If you don't sit with your pain, you can't receive comfort. It really does feel like Optimus is just pretending everything is fine when it's not. Like he's trying to forget about Megatron/D-16, cut ties with the love they shared, that he's truly let his friendship with D-16 die. Not only does it fill me with hopelessness and despair... it also fills me with a real, genuine rage beyond the capacity for rational thought. Because I feel LIED to, like Optimus lied to himself and to me. And that he won't feel his feelings.

What Megatron did was wrong, and we can not downplay his actions. And I understand why Optimus was upset, and he's completely justified to be. But he doesn't understand WHY Megatron left him to die, why he tried burning down Iacon. Or just how much he was hurting. That he's still good at heart. Just like how Megatron doesn't understand why Optimus took the bullet for Sentinal. He wasn't trying to save Sentinal, but he was trying to save Megatron. Because... Because he loves him. I don't know if banishing Megatron was the right punishment.

I know I shouldn't feel so angry at Optimus and feel bad for both him and Megatron. I am still very much horrified and heartbroken by... by what Megatron did. And believe me, I try so hard to understand both of them. But that's just it. Why can't Optimus just let himself cry? Why is he pretending everything is fine when it's not? He may be a Prime... but he's also just a man.

I've lost hope for Optimus or Megatron. Isn't there anything that can keep hope alive for their future?

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

2025 General Election: “Special Story”

Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors and inaccuracies. Spoilers ahead.

When I woke up that morning, the first thing I saw was Ranmaru's beautiful sleeping face.

My heart skipped a beat as I felt his arm wrapped around my back.

(Oh, right.)

(Last night, I ended up staying in Ranmaru's room.)

Even though we live in the same castle, we usually sleep in separate rooms.

That's exactly why mornings like this feel even more special.

(Still, I'm so nervous.)

(Just watching him sleep like this is enough to make my heart flutter.)

Even though Ranmaru and I were lovers now, our relationship was still fairly new.

Ranmaru: "Mmm. Lady Mai?"

Mai: "G-Good morning!"

Ranmaru: "You're already up? You can sleep in a little longer, you know?"

Ranmaru: "You were working late last night. Come on, close your eyes."

(Waah...)

He gently patted my back with practiced affection.

(Wait—what did he just say?)

(I wasn't working late last night. Is he still half-asleep?)

Confused, I looked up at him from within his arms—and our eyes met.

Then, suddenly, his eyes widened in surprise.

Ranmaru: "Am I dreaming? You look different somehow. Like you're not the you I know."

Ranmaru (Future): "I see. So you're the you from ten years ago."

As we talked and tried to make sense of it all, the shocking truth came out.

Though his appearance was exactly the same, it turned out he was Ranmaru from ten years in the future.

(Now that I think about it, yeah, he does feel a little different than usual.)

(And I kind of need to believe that, or my heart might explode.)

Like it was the most natural thing in the world, he sat me down in front of the vanity and began brushing my hair.

(He didn't even give me a chance to protest—he moved so naturally, like he's done this a thousand times before.)

(This must be something we do all the time in the future.)

His gentle, careful touch warmed me inside, though I couldn't help but blush at how intimate it felt.

Ranmaru (Future): "What's wrong? You look nervous."

Mai: "Um, what do I usually do? Do I just sit here quietly?"

Ranmaru (Future): "Hmm. You're mostly dozing off."

Ranmaru (Future): "You tend to sway sleepily, so it actually takes a bit of skill to get your hair right."

(Wait—am I really like that in the future!?)

Mai: "I'm definitely relying on you too much."

Mai: "I should probably start working on that so I can keep it together in the future."

I said it to him through the mirror, and Ranmaru chuckled softly.

Ranmaru (Future): "Hmm? You don't need to, you know."

Ranmaru (Future): "It just means you feel safest by my side now."

Ranmaru (Future): "So I want you to stay just the way you are."

(Ah…)

He gently ran his fingers through my hair, smiling sweetly.

Mai: "I must be really happy."

Ranmaru (Future): "Hm?"

Mai: "I just thought—my future self must be incredibly happy."

Mai: "To be treated so kindly and loved so openly by someone I love is amazing."

Mai: "Thank you, Ranmaru."

I thanked him on behalf of the drowsy version of me from the future—but for some reason, he sighed.

(Huh? Why did he sigh?)

Ranmaru (Future): "Geez. You're just as cute as you were ten years ago."

Mai: "----!"

Ranmaru (Future): "But the me in this timeline has only just started dating you."

Ranmaru (Future): "Even if it's still me, I probably can't go through with the usual 'finishing touches' just yet."

(Finishing touches? It's just my hair. What would he even need to hold back for?)

Confused, I turned around to look at him, and he gave me a playful wink.

Ranmaru (Future): "Curious about what the finishing touches are?"

Ranmaru (Future): "Well, let's just call that a little something to look forward to in the future."

Ranmaru (Future): "I think the 'me' from this time is about to wake up, so I'll leave the rest to him, okay?"

Mai: "Huh?"

The moment he said that, Ranmaru quietly closed his eyes.

When he opened them again—slowly this time—he puffed out his cheeks in slight annoyance.

Mai: "R-Ranmaru?"

Ranmaru: "That's right. I'm the version of myself who's dating you in the present."

Ranmaru: "And also the me who saw everything that happened between you and future me."

Mai: "Wait, seriously!?"

Before I could process it, Ranmaru wrapped his arms around me from behind, pulling me into a tight embrace.

Ranmaru: "I was supposed to be the one sharing a sweet morning with you—not him."

Ranmaru: "But since he left the final touches to me, I guess I'll let it slide just this once."

Mai: "You knew what he was going to do?"

Ranmaru: "Of course. I mean, he is me."

Ranmaru: "And when it comes to doing something for you—I know exactly what I'd do."

(Ah…)

He turned me around and pressed a soft kiss to my lips.

The warmth of it faded quickly, replaced by a tender gaze that made my heart race.

Ranmaru: "I love you with all my heart."

Ranmaru: "I hope today gives you plenty of reasons to smile!"

(Ranmaru…)

Mai: "You know, I was wrong about what I said to future you."

Mai: "It's not just future me who's lucky—present me is just as happy, too."

Ranmaru: "Heh, of course you are. I wouldn't accept anything less."

Still laughing, he gave me another kiss—this one playful and affectionate.

The way he touched me, so much like the future Ranmaru, made me realize just how deep and lasting his love truly was.

[616ioi]

I NEED SPICY TOGO SHIBA CONTENT. you’re the only one on tmblr who can fulfil my dreams

❛ #STRUGGLES! KAGURABACHI.

────────── a man who's lived many lives, yet he can't seem to keep a single lover .ᐟ.ᐟ

⤿ pairings. togo shiba x gn reader

⤿ contents. sub character, no height stated but reader is shorter, unrequited feelings, friends with benefits, dirty talk, praise, handcuffs, pretty romantic for a couple of buddies, pretty short. this contains mature content, read at your own discretion.

⤿ thoughts. i have a personal vendetta against men in suspenders.

Time after time, day after day, body upon body (literally), no matter how hard he tried to become a better partner, shiba just couldn't get it down right.

What's wrong with him? He wants to love, and the only one he can really think of ever loving is... you. He thinks it's stupid.

A struggle, really.

Especially when you sit across from him, sipping at your drink gingerly, giving it a swirl with the straw before continuing. How can you look so pretty?

"A damned man I am.." He mutters under his breath as he watches you carefully. Your soft lips quirk up, clearly having heard him.

He has always been one who melts at your attention. Eyes softening around the edges, shoulders dropping, heart warming up.

"Wanna get outta here?"

An invitation.

Yes, he's foolish. He's a dummy in love with his friend.

If he had to have you, if you would have him... if you could just want him then, maybe..

Then, maybe your kisses could be filled with genuine adoration.

Well, it's whatever.

However you want him, a friend or lover, he only wants to be a part of your life.

Shiba pants in between kisses, and you're tangling your hand in his hair to deepen it. His lips are wet and desperate. Stop it. He reminds himself to slow down.

"[Name]..." He huffs while your hands reclick the cuffs in place after his tugging. His hips roll into the air, elbows dropping down to support himself on the kitchen counter.

"Yes?" Your voice sounds like a teasing melody with its lilt.

There's a light in his eyes as he looks down at you. It dances and shimmers about as he scans your face.

"You - hah - let me feel you.. I need my hands on you, plEase." His voice cracks with need. The restraints around his wrist nearly melt from the heat his entire body experiences.

"Hmm.. Don't think so, togo." You chide him with a click of your tongue, "this is the second time you broke the cuffs. Why do you want to touch me so badly?"

Why wouldn't I?

"Look at ya..." He rasps out, tongue darting out to prod your mouth open again. He breathes you in, lips brushing against yours in a feather-like touch. It tingles and sends a shiver down his spine. "You're so.. magnificent. Who wouldn't want to touch something so holy. Let me kiss you again, and I won't ask for anything else."

"Are you saying I'm pretty?"

His brows pinch together. "You're very pretty. So.. use me however you like, I'll be pliant for you."

The words tumble out like vomit.

That scolding churn in his chest doesn't help either. He feels the need to push every emotion out.

His restraint deteriorates when he's with you.

"'Use me however you like'?" You repeat, your fingers dancing across his shoulders. You pry your lips away from his, earning you a groan from the blond man. "How romantic you are!"

"Sh.. shut the hell up." Shiba swallows thickly. His hair sticks to his nape, and it itches him.

Your joyous laughter rings in his ears. "Haven't we played enough?"

"Hm?" His eyes drop back down to your lips, watching and, honestly, not listening very well. It's all muffled. It's almost like he's underwater. "What do you mean?"

Your palms find their way to his waist, supporting yourself as you get on your knees, coming face to face with his crotch. You look up through your lashes.

His cheek burned red at the sight.

"Just a minute ago I had my mouth on your fat cock, yanking on your hips, shoving this thing down my throat." He ignores the missing warmth when you remove your hands from his body. "You haven't even fully recovered, and you still want more?"

You flick at the spent head, watching in awe as his cock twitches back to life. "Look at this!"

He strains his neck to keep his half lidded eyes on you. "You're leaking on the floorboards, your pants are stained and if I collect your cum like this..." You make a show of spreading your sticky fingers.

The thick, white goo trails down your wrist and drips onto his shoes with a 'plop!'.

A smile graces your pretty face, nose crinkling in faux disgust. In spite of this, you bring your wrist closer to your lips and press your tongue flat against your cum stained hand, licking yourself clean.

He throws his head back with a frustrated groan.

It's a struggle.

"Just use me already!" He rushes out, adam's apple jumping at his words. His harden cock grazes your soft cheek and he moans.

"If you say sweet things like that, don't wonder why I won't make things official." Shiba's arms tremble behind his back as he struggles to hold himself up.

He wants to sniffle. "Why..?"

"Remeber that, togo," You chuckle, "you're my friend."

[lyngracetalksnwritesnstuff]

Jiang Family Analysis

Ok, so, I've wanted to make this post for a while because I've always had some distinct opinions about the Jiang Family, though not all of them are bad, per se.

Just a few disclaimers before I get started:

THE FOLLOWING IS MY PERSONAL OPINION AND MY OPINION ONLY. I HAVE (WHAT I THINK IS) SOUND REASONING FOR IT, BUT IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT OR AGREE WITH IT, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO READ THIS. I AM NOT TRYING TO PRESSURE MY VIEWS OF THESE CHARACTERS ON OTHERS. THIS IS SIMPLY HOW I SEE THEM. THIS IS ALSO NOT VERY JIANG PARENT FRIENDLY, SO BE WARNED. IF I AM FACTUALLY INCORRECT, YOU ARE WELCOME TO CORRECT ME IN THE COMMENTS.

Ok, here we go!

Jiang Fengmian:

I honestly have no respect for this man. Like, zero. I am glad he took in Wei Ying and gave him a home, but in doing so, he also destroyed his own home. Obviously, Madam Yu's abuse is not his fault; he didn't force her to abuse Wei Ying, but on that subject, he completely lacks backbone here, as well as pretty much everywhere we see him. The first and main reason I don't like him is the fact that Jiang Cheng's hurt and confusion on why Jiang Fengmian chooses Wei Ying over him is obvious. It's so incredibly clear. Madam Yu straight up tells him he's favoring Wei Ying over Jiang Cheng, and he does nothing to fix it. Over and over again, he's faced with problems he could so easily solve if he were to speak clearly and truthfully for one—because we know that he does love Jiang Cheng—and he chooses not to. Another example of this is the rumours that Wei Ying is Jiang Fengmian's son. I can't quite remember if it is stated directly in the novel, but we do know it was a prevalent rumour that would've certainly made it to Jiang Fengmian's ears. I am certain he knew Madam Yu may have thought Wei Ying was his son, or at least knew many people did, and yet again, he does nothing to address this issue. Another issue we see him use the "if I don't say anything, it can't get worse" approach, is with Wei Ying's abuse. He knew Madan Yu regularly abused Wei Ying, which, yes, while sort of period-appropriate, the level of abuse he received was not the norm, and the time it occurred at never excuses child abuse. Yes, Madam Yu usually did it when Jiang Fengmian wasn't home, but he was well aware of it. He could've put his foot down at any point—he was the godamn sect leader—but he chose not to. While I don't know if this was a sick way to attempt to appease Madam Yu, or just pure cowardice, I do know that no man with enough conviction to bring in an orphan, but without the backbone needed to protect them from abuse, should ever raise a child. We also see this failure to address issues with the general deterioration of his family and how he never seems fully present with them.

My take on this is that it's a sort of defense mechanism he developed from when he was first married to Yu Ziyuan, which was arranged, and I assume neither of them was happy with. Her verbal abuse (educated guess, we don't actually know anything about the state of their marriage pre-Wei Ying, but with Madam Yu's anger issues during the timeline, I kinda doubt they would've been a recent development, especially since anger seems to be how she expresses unhappiness) would've made it hard for him to stand up for himself, and he chose the route of "well, if I don't say anything, it can't possibly get worse" as a way of defending himself and helping himself cope with the unhappy situation. I feel like most of his issues are rooted in a fear of being wrong. Think about it, if he doesn't take a side, he can't get yelled at for choosing the wrong one, and if he never addresses a problem, it can't get worse—at least, so he thinks. Inaction is still abuse and neglect, intentional or not.

Madam Yu:

Again, I have very little respect for her. I enjoy her character base—a strong warrior woman forced into an arranged marriage with a complete pushover, and going mad falling for rumours and whispers about him being unfaithful, but as a person, she disgusts me. First and foremost, her behavior towards Wei Ying. This is the main issue I have with her, though I have bones to pick with her about her treatment of her bio children. Being angry at your husband because people are saying he cheated and then had a child, which he proceeded to bring back to your home to raise, is one thing; that's mostly valid. But taking that anger out on said child and systematically abusing them is completely and totally inexcusable and an abhorrent thing to do. Wei Ying did nothing wrong, a fact that he never seems to grasp, even near the end of the story, where he starts to heal and grow as a person. Madam Yu did such irreparable damage to him that he automatically assumed everything was his fault, even and especially when it was not. And all of that was for no reason other than petty bitterness, anger at his skills, and disdain for his mother. I also believe her behavior towards Jiang Cheng is mostly to blame for his later issues in life. She was the only parental figure who showed him even a shred of attention and investment in his progress, so as any child would do, he tried to model himself after her. This also does kinda loop back around to Jiang Fengmian, as if he'd showed even a little bit more affecttion towards Jiang Cheng, he might've turned out with healthier ways of expressing emotion. Madam Yu showed him that the only way he'd ever be important or worthy to anyone was if he was better than Wei Ying, better than someone—anyone else. This obviously left him with deep-seated self-worth issues and unhealthy ways of coping with grief, guilt, and uselessness. Lastly, her treatment of Jiang Yanli. This isn't something I've seen talked about a lot, but it's definitely there. I feel like Jiang Yanli is Madam Yu's Child She Doen't Pay Attention To like Jiang Cheng is Jiang Fengmian's. But instead of being bitter about it, Jiang Yanli focuses on being a positive parental figure to Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian and keeping their broken family together.

I really think Madam Yu's incessant anger is a product of feeling trapped in her environment, with a husband and children she never wanted, in a place she never learned to call home. This obviously doesn't excuse her abuse towards literally everyone in that household. It also doesn't excuse how she constantly would drive a wedge between Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng, isolating Jiang Cheng from his peers and driving home the thinking that if he was better than them, he shouldn't associate with them, and if they were better than him, they were rivals.

In summary, for both Madam Yu and Jiang Fengmian, I truly believe that had they been in a happy relationship, or not been in a relationship at all, their children's lives would've been so much better. You can blame Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng, and Jiang Yanli, all you want, but at the end of the day, it was their parents who taught them how to act, and they were terrible role models. This obviously doesn't excuse any bad decisions they made, but it does explain them.

Wei Ying:

Wei Wuxian is a tragedy. Abandoned as a young child (though not willingly) and taken into an abusive home where he was taught that he could never leave because of the debt he owed them and that everything bad that happened was his fault. Then, as an adult, he was shamed for doing whatever he could to survive and protect his loved ones, even by his own family. He tried everything he could to save everyone and be the good guy because that was his job, in his mind. He had to save everyone and be righteous, but he also wants to, which is what makes him such a fundamentally good person. Then, when he does an objectively good thing and saves innocent people—which is what he's been taught to do his whole life, by the whole cultivation world—he's condemned for it, society telling him, "No, not those innocent people. You can only save the innocents we tell you to; otherwise, you're a villain." He tries everything to be good, to take care of those he cares about, does everything he's told, and fails.

Because he was doing the very thing cultivators prided themselves on, he was pushed off the edge. Even after he comes back and his name is cleared, it's never quite the same, because everyone still associates him with the "Evil" Yilling Laozu who haunted their cautionary tales. Because the cultivation world deemed him unclean and evil, Wei Ying—barely an adult at the time—was pushed to death because he tried to save innocents who deserved to live.

The saddest thing of all is that he never defends himself. He'd defend the Wen Remnants and keep the Yin Tiger Tally out of the hands that would abuse it, but he never once tried to defend his own actions regarding demonic cultivation and why he uses it. He lets people assume the worst of him because he thinks he deserves it.

Jiang Cheng:

Okay, here's a complicated one! I'd like to start this with a message to all the Jiang Cheng haters and stans who claim that Jiang Cheng is purely good/bad and that the other is selectively reading the text: Congratulations, you're both reading the text selectively. Jiang Cheng is a complex characters who makes bad decisions and good decisions and has reasons for most of his actions, just like any well-developed character.

Jiang Cheng is perhaps the most tragic of all the characters. He was happy until Wei Ying came into the picture, and he had to adjust to another sibling in the house. Then his mother started to push him to be better than Wei Ying when he really doesn't want to, but he has to want it, because he can't afford to lose the love his mother gives him when his father ignores his existence exept for an occasional dissapointed glance. He has to show him as well, then he'll love both of them the same. His mother starts to double down on both Wei Ying and him, alienating them further, leaving Jiang Cheng isolated from most of his peers. He only had Wei Ying and Jiang Yanli, and maybe Nie Huaisang. That, along with the poor emotional processing he copied from his mother, causes him to drift further away from others his age and become more attached to Wei Ying, as he's his only friend at this point. He never learned how to properly socialize as a child, and doesn't see the point now, because Wei Ying promised to never leave. Another tragic part of Jiang Cheng is that I don't think he realized how he was trying to chain Wei Ying to him and Lotus Pier. I truly think that he was just desperate and lonely and didn't think about how their promise would affect Wei Ying's life.

When Wei Ying leaves with the Wen Remnants, Jiang Cheng was angry, confused, and terrified of losing Wei Ying, so much so that he was ready to take him back by force. I think that if circumstances had allowed it, he would've taken the Wen Remnants to Yunmeng just to get Wei Ying back because he's his only friend, the only one he has left after Yanli marries out.

I think a lot of Jiang Cheng's character is created from his crippling fear of being alone because he's never had to be before and it terrifies him. Madam Yu, as I explained earlier, was not a good emotional role model and only taught him to mask all of his other emotions and express everything through anger, which makes him come across as rude and asshole-y to others. Often, I see "Jiang Cheng character development" portrayed as Wei Ying learning to read into his anger, but that is NOT character development. Character development is having that man learn to express emotions other than rage and hate. Let him learn to show sadness, happiness, love, fear, all the things! Wei Ying shouldn't have to learn how to read his shouting, and Jiang Cheng should learn how to Emotion properly. This obviously wouldn't be an easy process, but it is something he could do if he pushed himself to, with the help of his family and friends.

Jiang Yanli:

Okay, so first of all, Jiang Yanli is our queen here, okay? I've seen people portray her as more on Wei Ying's side, or more on Jiang Cheng's side, or absent like Jiang Fengmian, and (in my opinion) that is Incorrect. Jiang Yanli is the glue that holds her family together. There is a reason they stayed together for so long, and it was Yanli. I see her as the eldest daughter who sees all the cracks in her family and tries desperately to fix them and put the pieces back together. Siblings suffering from a lack of a positive parental figure? Okay, she'll be the parental figure. An arranged marriage that will help her sect and make her mother happy with her (for once)? Alright, sure. A nephew or niece will surely bring her brothers together. She is also such a tragedy because she never once complains about having to do so much work to keep her family together. She just smiles and makes more soup and tries her best to mediate her brothers' latest argument. She's constantly fixing, mending, mediating, giving advice, and making her brothers smile, and it never shows. She had to give up her childhood to parent her brothers, and she never even mentions it. She gives her brothers both unconditional love and support and hopes it's enough. She may not understand everything they do, but she loves them and will never let them forget it. She tried so hard to keep her family together, and it wasn't enough. It might've been, if she had survived, but even then, Jiang Cheng and Wei Ying were already pretty at odds. Honestly, the most impressive thing about her is how she managed to be the perfect, loving, caring shijie to Jiang Cheng and Wei Ying without much parental guidance herself. Madam Yu was never happy with her and ignored her most of the time, and I assume Jiang Fengmian was her main parent until Wei Ying came into their lives and he diverted all his attention to him, which she never held against Wei Ying. She is one of the kindest, gentlest characters in mdzs, yet also one of the strongest.

So, that's my take on the Jiang Family! Remember this is just my opinion and take on these characters, and some of this is pure inference and educated guess, as we don't have a lot of canon evidence for what Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan's marriage pre-Wei Ying, and we also don't have a lot of info on the Jiang Family from pre Wei Ying and from when they were children, so I tried my best to fill in the gaps.

Hope you liked this! It's like 2 am where I am rn and I'm exhausted, so sorry if this doesn't make sense lol! I promise I'm still working on Chapter Four of my Yilling Wei Sect AU, I just took a break to write this cause I needed to get it out of my brain. I may do the other main sect families later this week too!

[viktorapologist]

As much as each cliffhanger threatens to break me, I know the next chapter will contain just enough soft heartwarming moments to keep me alive. Imagine me, on life support, but the machines are pumping jayvik straight into my veins.

Oh, my sweet chronically ill Viktor. Starting off the chapter with scenes of him suffering is exactly what I'd expect after his near-confession last chapter. I love that he doesn't care to clean up after himself at this point. And the way his mind keeps coming back to all of the lies he has told Jayce. It's like a part of his body is finally rejecting the actions he took in earlier chapters. Hanahaki wanted him to lie and keep things a secret from Jayce, but the real Viktor wants to be known by Jayce. That part of him will win out in the end :) please. I'm begging.

...Jayce's definition of anything certainly didn't include falling in love with Viktor.

Oh honey, yes it does. If only you knew. Their confessions to each other are going to be fucking earth-shattering. My god. I can't wait. Thank god this story is tagged as a happy ending or I'd be comatose by now.

The more Viktor gets into his feelings about telling Jayce the truth, the more I'm kicking my feet with joy.

He dreamed of finally being honest with Jayce, of being able to say to him, see, this is who I am. This is the reason why. Everything I did or said, I did or said because I love you.

This is what I was trying to articulate in my comments a few chapters ago! Yes yes! You laid the trail of breadcrumbs perfectly. The universally craved experience of being truly known and still deeply loved despite everything you've done. *chef's kiss* Perfection. I hope we see it happen. I'll be there, with my popcorn, sobbing.

Is it just me that loves when Viktor and Jayce show up at each other's apartments? It can't be. I just think that's the best. We don't get to see them outside of the lab very often in the show, but I imagine they go over to each other's places. It's such a domestic thing. But it's like a level up to a friendship when you get to go to someone's living space??? Idk. It's cute.

Jayce shows up and talks to Viktor through the door, even though Viktor never acknowledges that he's listening. I can just see the scene in my mind. The view split by the door so you can see them both pressing their foreheads against either side of the door, mirroring each other without knowing. Jayce goes full sad puppy mode. VIKTOR LISTEN YOU BETTER GIVE THAT MAN SO MANY KISSES AFTER THIS. Jayce misses you! You abandoned him!

Not surprised at all that Jayce hasn't gotten any work done. He's so emotionally distraught. The poor man devoted all of his brain cells to processing his newly discovered attraction to Viktor and forgot to leave any for doing science. And with Viktor rushing out on him after Jayce said he'd do anything to save him? My brain would be full of bees after that. The whole eerily untouched lab is giving the same energy as Jayce sitting there, sleepless, waiting for Viktor to wake up after merging with the Hexcore.

Oh my god, you wrote about how Viktor showed Jayce his little hideaway. You did NOT. I always wondered how often they must have come there, for Jayce to know Viktor would be there when he's sad in Season 1. And you wrote lore about how Viktor got an updated cane with Talis ornaments? Everything I've ever cared about has been written into this story. Thank you for the food.

Oh, he could have stared at Jayce all day long–and that was all he was allowed to do, staring, for his desire for him would never be sated. Jayce was, simply put, out of his league.

It's honestly sad and hilarious how wrong he is. Jayce is actually a total dweeb. The two of them are meant for each other.

Case in point: Jayce demonstrating how the mage transported him and his mother to safety.

Okay, so the rune not being the acceleration rune was a surprise to me. I was wondering how much of an AU this would be. And it turns out we're going for the in-universe explanation of Mage Viktor's "in all timelines, in all possibilities" scene where he drops a different rune into Jayce's hand each time he saves him. It's really cute to think that in one of the timelines, Jayce and Viktor fall in love (do they still get obliterated by the arcane later?? hmmmm I don't want to think too much about that)

In the flashback, Viktor being proud to have made Jayce laugh even though they haven't known each other for that long yet AAAAAAA. They are so cute. You can see how their casual banter developed from these initial interactions.

Jayce was totally flirting with him though, what the fuck? "Particularly witty genius who took pity on me," and fucking WINKING? Jayce please, calm down.

I love how fast they opened up to each other. The combination of Viktor seeing Jayce at his worst and Viktor helping him fulfill his dream sets them on a course for immediate understanding. It's such a blessing to find someone that is interested in the same things as you, and to have them express an equal desire to learn about who you are and who you've been. Their energies feed off of each other is such a wholesome way. Even though Viktor is the only one...aware...of the danger of developing romantic feelings at this point, I like to think that Jayce felt this intense rightness during this scene as well. Like a piece clicking into place in his life, Viktor just fits.

Viktor's own backstory is so sad and a rhyme of sorts to Vi and Powder's experiences as children in Season 1. It also illustrates how alone he was. He fell and there was no one to reach out a hand to save him. He lies there, broken on the ground. Thankfully, he still had his mother to find him. I love how Jayce sees Viktor's strength and resilience immediately. He doesn't have to be convinced. He already knows.

Jayce was looking at him strangely, intensely. No one had ever looked at him like that before, but generally, when people stared at him, they either looked down on him or felt sorry for him. Viktor's bad went rigid. "I don't want your pity,' he said stiffly. Jayce's eyes shone. "I was admiring you."

God, this is just like the end of Season 2. Did you write this before that even happened? How did you know that Jayce was down bad for Viktor and admiring everything about him? Or did you add that in later just to make my heart shatter into a million pieces? I'm screaming, crying, throwing up flower petals. I don't think Viktor ever had anyone say that to him before. No one has ever openly admired him for anything. And Jayce is so unabashed. Basking in Viktor's luminance.

Their love is inevitableeeeeeee and I am deceased.

Other authors would have let Jayce and Viktor sweep things under the rug, but not you @white-btterfly you always make them confront their mistakes head-on before letting them make new ones that move the story forward.

There are so many emotions tied up in this final scene. It's insane. I felt like I was right there, watching it happen. Holding my breath as Viktor finally meets Jayce as the last rays of sun disappear. Feeling my heart break with Viktor's as he hears about how much Jayce has been struggling with watching Viktor slowly die before his eyes, helpless to intervene no matter how much he tries.

"...Everything I did, I did because–because I care about you."

The way Jayce says almost exactly what Viktor wanted to say to him earlier when he imagines confessing. Oh my god. Oh my goddddd.

The way Jayce walks through all of Viktor's fears and refutes each one, banishing those Hanahaki demons like it's his job. Jayce is the epitome of undying devotion. He wrote the definition. He is the blueprint. No one is doing it like Jayce is doing it. And isn't that just so in character, god damn it. THIS ENTIRE STORY IS SO PLAUSIBLE WHAT THE FUCK. Screw the canon, this is my truth now. Butterfly rune timeline is the one true timeline in my heart.

The way the order of the cosmos was rewritten when Viktor said, "You are the most important person in my life!"

Viktor accidentally on purpose throws him off the scent by calling him his "friend" a million times and I will never forgive him for it. But that line changes everything. Jayce has been worried about that this whole time, that the man Viktor loves is more important than Jayce is. But that's simply not true.

I wasn't expecting Jayce to fucking sob in this chapter. But it was so fucking cathartic to read. I'll never forgive the creators for taking out that split second of cut footage of Jayce clearly wiping away tears when he's at Viktor's bedside. LET JAYCE CRY! He's an emotional guy! Let the man express his sadness! And my god, the two of them needed a chance to let it all out.

And Viktor's stubbornness fighting back against the flowers. YES! Kick their botanical asses, Viktor! Begone, petals! I'm so proud of him, learning to hope for happiness again. He deserves it.

Is he going to cured now? He's starting to believe it's possible that Jayce loves him? Oh my god. I don't know. I don't know!

And rude rude rude I see what you were doing there with Jayce coughing. Evil. Maniacal. I didn't want to believe he would get sick too because that's just too unfair for my poor battered soul to take. But upon re-reading I am seeing that you left clues for that as well. I did notice Jayce was a bit delusional last chapter but hey, being a little mentally unwell is par of the course when you're Jayce Talis.

All in all, this chapter was beautiful.

Also love the little rune you drew for this.

Before Your Sun Sets - Chapter 10 is available!

Viktor is sick with Hanahaki. Jayce would do anything to save him—whether it be by developing an impossible cure or trying to find out who Viktor is in love with to smack some sense into them. Little does he know, he’s chasing his own shadow.

Read chapter 10 now

Read from the beginning

[orengejoshi]

Pregnancy as a kink makes me uncomfortable so man am I glad your pregg Flug stuff is explicitly not kink oriented!

yeah I... don't wanna judge anyone... but it's more than that, it's downright terrifying to me. Blame my hormones bc I'm expecting irl but wow... I'm very sensitive and it feels dehumanizing. but ig that is kinda the point of the kink(?)

it's so common in fandoms!

I'm completely vanilla anyway tho, so not surprising.

I've tried to pretend for a super long time that I'm into kink, but most of them are off putting and I consider them intrusive thoughts, not fantasies. I'm kinda fluctuating between sex-repulsed and neutral (aroace) even fictional... ig kink just isn't for me. I tried so hard to get over it. I know some people in my asks/requests are gonna be disappointed but I'm sorry💔

I'm slightly ashamed of how boring I am and I have serious trouble connecting to anyone in fandoms due to this actually🤕 feel like the most NT autistic person ever.

anyway here's a doodle!

[dafpork]

repeating myself here, but for good reason: the Silliness of the dafpork dynamic, however you determine the definition of Silliness, is really so integral to me and i think a big part of what makes them so special and personal. and i think that's a big reason why i was so afraid to post even the most innocuous stuff on main--even if they're not being clingy or cute together in a drawing, even in the comics where they're bickering like children or just being Themselves, there's this undercurrent of love beneath it that feels so comparatively intimate. they can have their moments of Unabashed Earnest, and they stand out much more and feel more special when you have them being dumb together to contrast it with... it's hard to pin down and they're hard to pin down, and that's why i love 'em, y'know? the variations on their dynamic is boundless, and so is their love, and so is their hijinks. they're not easily squeezed into an identifiable little box, and while i think that can trip some people up, i think it works to such a great strength with them. it's why i have trouble doing ask memes or drawing prompts with them (though i should try more!), because Dafpork Is Dafpork--they have minds and emotions and dispositions of their own and this blog functions to just sit back and observe what that all is, rather than force it. and that's how you get such a broad spectrum of Stuff, too; them being cute together, or being obnoxious, whether at each other or with each other, or they're not quite anything at all because the only one who knows what they are is each other. there's just truly so much and i really don't think it can be condensed into a bite sized trope or sweeping label.. and considering Daffy's anarchy and Porky's stubbornness, that feels very fitting. maybe it's a reason as to why it's difficult for some people to get on board with them, but i feel like it's such a great strength, and it's a great motivator to spread their gospel all the more, too! to try and get people to understand! so thank you for reading this, because if you're here then it shows you're curious and want to uncover more about them. me too!

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[solivagantingrebel]

hey guys who wants another round of tmi

[camellcat]

WTFFF I thought thirteen would be my new girl crush love of my life heart eyes wife you-came-after-twelve-you-must-be-better-than-they're-all-saying bbygirl and then I had to sit down and watch as she told a man who (if he were not a murderer, of course) literally every regeneration before her would've LOVED and FULLY SUPPORTED that "the systems aren't the problem. how people use and exploit the system, that's the problem. people like you" </33333 !?!?

[cubot]

I ate a bagel instead of pasta because less steps.

I want to play the game so so so so sooo bad. The character I chose is making me mad, but I am interested in the story and I want to see how everyone develops and also I want to throw a rock at him and then make him better and make the main character healthier, too. AKA I'm mad, but the fun kind of mad.

But instead of playing, I am going to go to bed soon because I'm exhausted and I know the moment I hit my blankets, my brain will be out. I will not fall asleep easily, but I will be -100 energy.